Datasets:

ysharma

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short_jokes_embeds

like 2

[me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking"

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Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires... men.

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I've been going through a really rough period at work this week It's my own fault for swapping my tampax for sand paper.

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If I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive... ...I would choose alive. -B.J. Novak-

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

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Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box. Heyooooooo

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Why was the musician arrested? He got in treble.

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Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine? He had nothing left to chauffeur it.

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What do you do if a bird shits on your car? Don't ask her out again.

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He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me

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Telling my daugthers date that "she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her." *Correct way to parent.

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What should you do before criticizing Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes

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What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...? Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs.

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What do you call a barbarian you can't see? an Invisigoth.

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How do you spell Canda? C,eh,N,eh,D,eh

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You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?

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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic? Hasta last vista, baby.

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My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer...

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My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

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Thanksgiving joke What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky! Just kidding... Drugs. She eats drugs. -Adam Zopf @adamzopf

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Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? 'Cause they are freaking good at it

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How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

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"That guy is such a douche-bag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!" women

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My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission. I guess I'll deal with him later.

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What do you call a potato in space? Spudnik

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How to get a cop's attention

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What happens to a necrophiliac after death? Reserection

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Why did the chicken hold a seance? To get to the other side.

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Where do baby cows go to eat lunch? At the calf-eteria.

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What's the difference between a painting and Jesus. You only require one nail to put up the painting.

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