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## Some companies block their employees from using social media network
In many corporations, despite its rules, staff cannot access social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram during working time. Personally, I totally agree with that decision. Indeed, prohibiting employees from using social media can help them avoid getting distracted, get more attention to their tasks, build real-life relationships with other employees, and lead to a result that boosts company performance.
Without a doubt, social media is a common source of interruption. For example, people can quickly get interested in something new that pops up in their newsfeed or their friend's messages when using Facebook. Some researchers said that you need an average of 20 minutes to get back to work when visiting social media platforms.
So that, if they are prohibited from using social media, employees will hardly get any other distraction sources in the office. For that reason, they clearly spend more time on work, and when needing the support of their colleagues, they must make real-life conversations with their co-workers. In the long path, it will decrease the time required for tasks and create friendly social behavior in the company and all of that benefits help the company thrives.
In conclusion, I think that restricting the use of social media networks in the workplace is a wise decision. Lots of managers realize the benefits when comparing the company's performance before and after publicizing that policy. I hope that blocking access to social media platforms when working will become more and more common in the future.
Short brief: Prohibiting staff from using social media when working is a wise decision because it stops them from being distracted, reduces the time required for tasks, and improves the real-life relationship between co-workers. | mrhuyprono1 | Feb 4, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/toeic-part-companies-block-employees-94160/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The presentation is not grammatically perfect but works for the purpose of the writer. While there are some incorrect phrases and references used in the essay, it does not deter the reader from understanding the opinion of the writer. The fact that he uses public knowledge as references works well for the presentation. However, some personal experience information would have also been beneficial to the presentation since it would have balanced the discussion between public and personal throughout the paragraphs.
Sometimes the reasoning the writer provides feels incomplete. Paragraph 2 in particular, feels under developed. It could have used better experience and knowledge referencing to add to the impact of the explanation. It almost feels like the next paragraph was accidentally separated from the previous paragraph. Had the 2 paragraphs combined, the discussion would have been better developed.
The writer shows enough knowlege of everyday English words. The discussion feels natural to a limited extent. I believe the limitation was caused by the ESL writing method of the student. There are instances when he seems to have transliterated the sentences, leading to incorrect sentence formation. This can be overcome in the future through regular English language speaking and writing practice. | Holt | Feb 4, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/toeic-part-companies-block-employees-94160/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected.***
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that violent criminals' identities should be kept confidential from the public to make people feel a sense of safety about the society they are living in and support the rehabilitation of criminals after their prison time. However, there is a more persuasive argument that such information needs to be publicized so that people can be well aware of and protect themselves from potential risks.
On the one hand, keeping people from knowing about the personal details of criminals will help these individuals to reintegrate back into society more quickly and easily. Without the prejudice of surrounding people about what they had done in the past, criminals will not encounter stigmatization or experience low self-esteem, which might prevent them from living a normal life after their sentences. More specifically, according to Tuoitre Newspaper, a prestigious newspaper in Vietnam, after two years of enacting the law of not revealing criminal records for individuals seriously performing criminal rehabilitation programs, the rate of criminals reintegrating successfully in this country increased significantly by 10% in 2020.
Nevertheless, I support the point of view that the public should be updated with the personal details of illegal individuals. This not only contributes to the safety of people because it allows them to proactively recognize the presence of criminals in the places they come to, then protect themselves from potential violent behaviors. On top of that, police forces will be supported hugely by citizens in capturing violent criminals if they publicize information about criminals. Why can this action be so helpful? The U.S. government could not have arrested the most dangerous wanted terrorist successfully in 2002 if they had not aired his portrait image on TV programs on daily basis. One of the residents ran into the terrorist in a hotel where he was hiding at that time, immediately, the criminal was reported to a local police station.
To sum up, although it is apparent that choosing not to reveal the personal information of criminals is an effective way to support the rehabilitation of criminals, it is undeniable that updating society with this kind of information will contribute to protecting the safety of people. | Heo Nguyen | Jan 28, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/violent-criminals-information-made-94135/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
It is a common belief
A "common belief" cannot be used as an alternate reference to "Some people believe". The reason? When you say "common" it indicates, by definition; an adjective that refers to a universal, widespread, or general knowledge. The "universal" aspect of the definition contradicts the "some" reference in the original. This incorrect word usage will negatively affect your LR score. Be careful of your word usage because incorrect meaning will change the way the thought is viewed and will pull down not only your LR, but also your C+C and GRA scores.
Your first paragraph is incomplete and will result in additional task deductions. While the prompt restatement was represented to the best of your writing ability, you neglected to present your personal opinion as necessary for the task. It clearly states that you must discuss your opinion. Therefore, it is a required part of the writer's opinion as a part of the thesis statement or reasoning basis for the discussion of your personal opinion.
The way the essay is written, the reasoning paragraphs must number a maximum of 3. That is, you must equally discuss the 2 public opinions prior to the presentation of your personal opinion. Your personal opinion must clearly be cohesive enough to connect to one of the 2 public opinions. The lack of the 2nd public opinion discussion and sudden jump to your personal opinion will result in this essay being scored as an incomplete discussion persentation.
This is not a bad start to the practice essays. However, you need to become more familiar with the 2 types of approaching this comparative discussion essay. Samples below should help you become clearer about how to develop this type of discussion prompt. Just click on Similar Discussions [+] to see similar presentations from previous exam takers. | Holt | Jan 28, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/violent-criminals-information-made-94135/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Regarding the introduction, it is my view that you should not mention your personal opinion since this essay is the "discuss both views" type. Instead, you could write "There is indeed a strong case to be made for both sides which will be discussed now", then mention your viewpoints later in the conclusion (the last paragraph). | Camtu25 | Jan 28, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/violent-criminals-information-made-94135/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Governments should spend more money on medical research to protect citizen's health rather than on protecting the environment.***
## Do you agree or disagree?
There is an opinion that more state funding should be allocated to clinical research than for tackling environmental problems. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree with this argument and this essay will give some points below.
One might argue that medical research can play an integral role in insulating people from diseases. This is based on the assumption that clinical studies address the ways illnesses progressively impacts the bodies, which may help researchers identify the superior intervention methods to prolong patients' longevity. Besides, medical trials can serve as the grounds for future therapies and medications that will help develop the management of serious health conditions. To cite an example, the Ghanian government has tasked with conducting research and introduced thousands of certified doses of COVID-19 vaccine to prevent its residents from contracting this deadly disease.
Despite the reasons outlined above, it is my view that authorities' investment in the protection of the environment holds more importance than that in medical studies. This is because many environmental problems are the root of countless diseases such as: respiratory diseases (asthma, bronchitism, lung cancer,...) caused by air pollution; hearing loss resulting from noise pollution; diarrhoea, dysentery - consequences of water pollution, to name a few. Futhermore, contaminated hygienic conditions are likely to be linked to the widespread transmission of several health risks. That is to say, that governing bodies invest more on the alleviation of such environmental issues can prove more effective in improving people's health since a large number of health hazards will be eliminated. Falling need for clinical research can also put less pressure on the national budget, thus facilitate investment in other imperative sectors including education or urban planning.
In conclusion, it seems to me that scientific health research should not be given top priority when it comes to allocating state financial resources.
I would be really grateful to receive your feedbacks. | Camtu25 | Feb 3, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/state-investment-medical-research-94157/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Food advertising should be banned the same as smoking is
Some researchers contend that the habit of eating too much will pose a threat to peoples' health and thus, suggest that food commercials should be banned the same way as cigarettes are. This essay will disagree with the latter view, and justifications are as follows.
To commence with, advertisements on food should not be prohibited entirely since not all food is detrimental to peoples' health. In fact, fruits and grain-based products are considered healthy food, so it seems rather unresonable to not permit their advertisements to be broadcast on mass media. On the contrary, there is no variation in terms of healthy and unhealthy in cigarette brands, and it should be blocked from citizens' view as a way to lessen the likelihood of having health problems amongst them.
Another factor that can not be overlooked is the economy. On the one hand, it is conspicuous that the food industry has an enormous impact on a nation's economic growth. Therefore, if the sales went down due to the prohibition policy, the country would have to suffer a huge loss. On the other hand, cigarette manufacturing does not contribute to the economy that much as the food industry does, so if there is a decline in sales, the loss will be less severe.
In conclusion, based on aforemention explainations, I suggest that it is not a good idea to ban food advertisements the same way as cigarettes one are. | trananhthu686 | Feb 1, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/food-advertising-banned-same-smoking-94154/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
It would have been nice if you could have used alternate terms for "researchers" since it is still close enough to the original term used (research). By using alternate words such as analysts or food scientists, you would have shown a wider and related vocabulary to the examiner, thus boosting your LR score at the very start. The prompt restatement is a bit short on the interpretation side as it does not indicate that over eating and smoking are similarly seen in terms of cause and effect. Without that link, the mention of banning certain food advertisement does not have a basis. It creates a questionable reference in the eyes of the reader. The essay cannot have an opinion because it is a mere product of the act of writing. The main questions was pointed to the writer. Do YOU agree or disagree? Therefore, a personal pronoun reference should be used in response to the given inquiry. The prompt restatement + writer's opinion is badly developed and will not receive a good preliminary score.
The reasoning paragraphs are not developed along the key discussion line which is "addiction". Overeating was no longer the focus of the discussion in relation to food addiction and the need to ban certain food types, such as junk food, in advertising. Yes, the health benefits should be considered, but you have obviously misunderstood the actual discussion chain which is:
*Junk food ---> Habit forming ---> Overeating ---> Food addiction ---> Health problems
Cigarettes ---> Habit forming ---> Chain Smoking ---> Smoking addiction ---> Health problems
Solution: Ban advertising to dissuade people from falling into these 2 bad health habits
Consider: Yes or no? Why? Use health reasons that relate to both junk food and cigarettes*
The focus is on health, the economy does not figure in any way towards the discussion targets. A commonality that would create connected discussion considerations for a cohesive presentation is not found in the 2 paragraphs. The way the discussion considerations were not correctly addressed in this essay shows that the writer did not properly outline his thought process and possible discussion topics, as the above example shows. This is why he failed to consider the correct discussion format and discussion targets for his reasoning paragraphs. The discussion is therefore, incorrect.
The concluding summary does not offer a proper summative discussion within the 2 sentence word format. It does not allow for a proper recapitulation of the preceding discussion. Therefore, full scoring consideration for this portion cannot be provided either. | Holt | Feb 1, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/food-advertising-banned-same-smoking-94154/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt
Thank you for your response! | trananhthu686 | Feb 1, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/food-advertising-banned-same-smoking-94154/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school.***
## Agree or Disagree?
Being one of the major core skills in today's era of integration, cooperation has recently been brought into education. While advocates of team sports are of the opinion that these activities provide the best opportunities for students to practice cooperation, I believe that playing music in an ensemble could create such same effect.
Admittedly, cooperative physical activities could foster a sense of teamwork by acknowledging the members' abilities. When working in tandem with each other, each member of a team could gradually recognise the strengths and weaknesses of their teammates. From that, they will devise the best strategies that could cover their weak points while maximising their strengths. Football emerges as a typical case for this collective spirit, as the compatibility of the members is the result of experimental matches.
At the same time, I propose that a music ensemble is also capable of instilling in students a sense of unity. In order to interpret a score, each player in the ensemble has to be highly aware of how to deliver their interpretation in harmony with other players so as not to ruin the score. For example, if one student misses the tempo, the whole ensemble will have to stop. This delicate adjustment requires each player to look out for their partners, thus further strengthening the bond within the group.
All in all, while I concur with the opinion that teamwork spirit can be honed through team sports, I also consider a music ensemble to be a strong way to help bring members closer.
(Thank you for your comment!) | splitude198 | Feb 2, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/opinion-teamwork-spirit-honed-team-sports-94155/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The actual discussion of the topic should not be done in the first paragraph as you did here. Any personal opinions and insights should only be presented in this paragraph as a part of the writer's opinion thesis. This should have been a 2 sentence presentation that focused only on an accurate prompt restatement and your opinion. Since you decided to include a personal insight into the restatement, the examiner will not be able to award full points for this representation. The inclusion of your opinion in the topic presentation changed the discussion basis. Points need to be deducted for that. Additionally, you only provided a thesis statement, but failed to provide a direct opinion using the response keyword as provided. Further deductions will be applied to the preliminary TA score. The writer's direct response to the question should always be provided twice. Once in the restatement and again in the concluding summary. It cannot be stated in the concluding summary alone as that will provide an open ended essay rather than a concluded discussion presentation.
The discussion paragraphs are acceptable and aligned with the discussion topic. The given reasoning and explanations are sound and quite believable. I would have liked to have seen a more cohesive discussion though that compared the sports and orhestra requirements over 2 related paragraphs. That would have shown the strength and acceptability of your discussion. The similarities need to be highlighted in this sort of discussion. How the expectations are the same, even though the implementation is different. These are necessary to achieve a well scoring C+C section. Good job just the same. Beware of your punctuation usage in certain sentences. An apostrophe is not always necessary when indicating the plural form of a word. Know when to use it in proprietarial or plural form. Wrong usage will reduce the GRA score.
As for the concluding sentence, it is a run-on presentation that has reduced clarity and cohesiveness. You will never go wrong when you opt to use more sentences, representing individual ideas or statements in a paragraph. That is the correct basis for a sentence. A long sentence does not necessarily translate into a simple, complex, or compound sentence. That is why the concluding paragraph format requires at least 2 sentences composed of 40 words or more to complete the paragraph presentation. | Holt | Feb 2, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/opinion-teamwork-spirit-honed-team-sports-94155/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi, I saw this interesting IELTS question many weeks ago and i finished it for about 35 minutes. Please give me feedback for further improvement.
Question:
## Scientists predict that in the future cars will be driven by computers
.
***What are the reasons behind this? Is it a positive or negative development?***
My essay (303 words):
It is predicted that autonomous cars will be prevalent down the line in light of the dire need of saving time and improving the safety of people involved in them. I opine this scenario seems to be a double-edged sword.
The dominance of self-driving vehicles may soon stem from two major facets. One of which is the high demand of reducing the commuting time at present, potentially freeing human drivers from this stressful task during rush hours. This, in turn, allows working citizens to gain more productive time to accomplish other tasks such as writing emails and among others. Another justification would be more predictable as of late technological advancements tend to contribute to the higher standard of security and safety of users. We can see this in the ambition of driverless cars industry which is progressing incessantly to add new useful functions ranging from detecting minor mechanical errors to excluding underage drivers. In short, this development will be a consequence of humans' needs.
Personally, I think this growth may cut both sides. On an individual level, residents' quality of life would be considerably enhanced thanks to more available time daily. Not only will this boost their work performance to some extent, but it also reduces stress related to traffic issues. However, the benefits of cars controlled by computers are only optimized when manufacturers can bring it to the masses, meaning aN intolerantly high cost. Such an expense may stem from discarding all conventional automobiles and producing an enormous number of new products. Briefly, this notion seems to present both advantages and disadvantages.
In conclusion, I strongly feel that the emergence of autonomous cars will happen sooner or later to serve humans' life. While this will be a safer mode of transport, the increase of such cars may place a financial burden on a societal level. | nguyenana611 | Feb 1, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/scientists-predict-future-cars-driven-94152/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While the essay is extremely wordy and actually shows off your vast English vocabulary, the focus on word exercise rather than coherence, cohesiveness, and a proper response to the 2nd question in the prompt are the reasons that this essay will receive a failing score. The speed by which you wrote the essay was not commensurate to the quality of writing and the appropriateness of the response to the guide questions. Hence, the speed of writing and the lack of proper response content resulted in an incorrectly presented essay presentation. Do not focus on vocabulary, that is the perfect way to fail the test.
Yes, the question you chose is interesting, but you never actually chose a single response for the defense. This is not an essay that allows for a measured response, which would have allowed you to say the discussion is a double edged swordd. This is a single opinion essay that requires you to convince the reader that only one side of the discussion should be supported. Based on the given prompt, you only partially responded to the question provided. The last aspect being incorrectly represented response. So the task is only partially fulfilled. Partially will not fly, it could lead to a failing score in an actual test.
I will not dissuade you from writing long essays, I will however, encourage you to work on sentence clarity and proper response formatting. These are the major scoring considerations for the task. Fail to accomplish these and the speed and word count will not matter at all. | Holt | Feb 1, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/scientists-predict-future-cars-driven-94152/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## vehicle registrations graph
**Essay topics:**
**The graph below shows changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**
The line graph illustrates the rate of vehicle registrations from 1970 to 2010 in three primary business vehicles in the US.
Overall, the majority of Americans enrolled in trucks. In addition, the percentage of truck and taxi registers followed an upward trend while the reverse was seen in the share of bus enrollments.
In particular, commencing at approximately 50% in 1970, the figure for truck-registered users dropped significantly to 30% in the next ten years. Following this, it bounced back from 30% to 50% between 1970 and 2010. In contrast, the rate of bus registers, which underwent a threefold rise from 5% in 1970 to nearly 15% in the following ten years, fell drastically to below 5% in 2010.
In the meantime, the number of taxies registrations accounted for nearly 25% in 1970, after which it climbed sharply to above 35% in 1980. Subsequently, it plunged to 15% in 2000; thereafter, it recorded a noticeable rise of 20% in 2010.
(160 words)
Please help me to evaluate my writing skills, read and comment if it's possible, and please also give a score. Thank you in advance.
* | ruy | Jan 30, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/rate-vehicle-registrations-three-common-94150/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There are actually 2 graph images to be identified in this image. In no particular order, the presentation contains a basic line graph and a dotted line graph. It is important to differentiate between the two images due to the measurement references being made. The line graph is continuous, while the dotted line graph is a broken measurement that can be referred to in the same manner when describing it in the reporting and analysis paragraphs.
A more accurate summary overview should have contained 2 sentences that referred to (1) The type of image and (2) an enumeration of the listing attached to it. This is to help create a more solid reference foundation when the trending paragraph is explained to the reader. This is necessary since the premise of a sentence is to include related information instead of compressed information. A single reference per sentence will score better than a long single summary sentence.
The taxi reference is under analyzed and reported. There are only 2 sentences in that presentation, which means it does not meet the 3 sentence minimum standard for the paragraphs in the task. You missed out on a comparative analysis sentence when it came to the cross-information relating to the taxis and trucks between the years of 1970 and 1980. That is a highly relevant comparison, a small but important one, to make in the paragraph.
Overall, this is a pretty good attempt at a task 1 essay. It should receive a passing score. Unfortunately, you will have to contact me privately for detailed scoring considerations but I can assure you that you did good enough to receive at least a base passing score. | Holt | Jan 30, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/rate-vehicle-registrations-three-common-94150/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi. I'm glad to have someone review my writing. Please give me some feedback and thank you!
## sales of jeans graph
The graph depicts the predicted sales of jeans in Turkey of Mango Co and Jack & Jones Co company in the following year. Transactions are measured in thousands of jean pairs.
Generally speaking, there will be an upward trend in the sale of jeans. Furthermore, Turkish customers are predicted to buy more jeans from Jack & Jones Co than from Mango Co.
Regarding Mango Co, their sale amount in the first four months is predicted to start low around 100 thousand pairs. Following this, it will increase gradually until reach a plateau of 500 thousand jeans from August to November, and eventually, at the end of the period, peak at around 600 thousand pairs in December.
Switching to Jack & Jones Co, their sales numbers are predicted to be higher than that of Mango Co, with the only exception in two months July and August. Starting the period with a high amount of sales of more than 400 thousand pairs of jeans, Jack & Jones company then is expected to see a sharp decrease in their sales figures by 200 thousand jeans in February. After that, the forecasted sales will bounce back gradually at 400 thousand pairs in June and level off at this amount till August. Finally, the sale amount will increase considerably and reach a peak of about 900 thousand pairs at the end of the period.
* | dynamite101 | Jan 29, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/wtiting-bar-chart-shows-estimated-sales-jeans-94143/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay is too long to be completed within 20 minutes. Aim to write only 200 words as this is the ideal number that will allow for a quick and almost complete analysis within the time frame provided.
The graph
Always aim for clarity in your descriptions. Since this is a combined columnar and line graph, describe it as it is. That is because the summary representation is needed to help the reader gain a better and more solid imaginative understanding of the the said information source. Saying it is a graph is accurate, but a columnar line graph would be the most accurate and better scoring of the two descriptions.
Mango Co
Oops. You were remiss in writing the abbreviated word for company. Never forget to place a period at the end of the shortened spelling. You may look up how to abbreviate or shorten words using the correct punctuation marks online.
The second paragraph became too short. It requires at least 3 sentences in the analysis paragraphs. The second sentence should have been divided with a third sentence representing the second thought that was accidentally merged into the previous 2nd sentence.
You have written an excellent first effort. It is clear and very much along the lines of a comparative analysis report. Save for these 2 problems that I found, I believe that you could receive a passing score for the task next time. Just make sure to correct the over writing and run-on problems then. | Holt | Jan 29, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/wtiting-bar-chart-shows-estimated-sales-jeans-94143/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## The line chart report
The line chart given denotes the proportion of people settled in Australia who were given birth in Asia, the UK, and other regions.
In general, the percentage of people living in Australia who were born in Asia and other areas saw an upward trend. On the other hand, there was a dramatically fall in the percentage of that people who were born in the UK.
It is worth noticing that the proportion of people who were born in Asia increased rapidly over the years, from 1% in 1976 to 15% in 2011. Meanwhile, the percentage of Australian who were born in other sectors fluctuated. It droped by 3% from 1976 to 1986, after which there was a quickly improvement of 6% in the percentage in 2006. However, this figure could not remain untill 2011, but went into free-fall slightly 2% compared to 2006.
On the contrary, the percentage of people who were born in the UK faced a downward trend, specifically, from 13% , it decreased 8% on a 35-year period, beginning in 1976. | millbucksgurl | Jan 28, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/graph-gives-information-percentage-people-94141/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
who were given birth
This does not make sense, the people could have been born in Asia, their parents gave birth in Asia, but neither were ever "given birth" in Asia. Incorrect grammar / word usage will result in lowered LR and GRA scores at the very start of the scoring considerations. That is not a good sign. Failing these 2 sections so early in the presentation could result in an overall failing score in the end.
born in Asia and other areas
Increase the task accuracy by completing the graph listing of countries. That way it makes it easier for the reader to track the information you will be discussing in the body. They will be on the lookout for further discussion points. Doing so will also increase the TA score of the trending statement based on the summary requirements.
It droped
Remember to spellcheck, review, and revise the essay prior to submission. Incorrectly spelled words will be deducted from your LR score and could be a GRA deduction due to confusing word references.
Avoid writing single sentence paragraphs. Technically, that will not be considered a paragraph anyway since a paragraph is always composed of at least 3 words. A single sentence is a statement. It will not return the same scores as a completely developed paragraph. | Holt | Jan 28, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/graph-gives-information-percentage-people-94141/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt
thank you for correcting my mistakes | millbucksgurl | Jan 28, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/graph-gives-information-percentage-people-94141/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## formal complaint to retaurant
You have eaten at a restaurant and it was such a terrible experience that you have decided to inform the manager by letter of what happened and that you want your money back. Things to include:
- Facts. You need to be concise but explain what happened.
- Polite. No one responds to insults.
- Outline what you wish from this. What do you want to happen?
- Firmness. You want to be taken seriously.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter regarding the terrible experience that I had in your restaurant last Saturday.
Last Saturday, my family and I went to your restaurant for dinner. At first, I was pleased by your welcoming crew members and speedy services. Everything went well until they served me the wrong doneness of the steak. I have ordered a well-done wagyu steak that day, but they served me rare wagyu steak. It was too raw for me to eat. In addition, I could see the blood coming out from the meat.
Therefore, I would appreciate if you could refund the cost of the meal to me and speak to your kitchen crews about this matter. Outback steakhouse is one of my favorite restaurant for dining, I hope action will be taken by your side in order to avoid the case to be happened again.
I hope that my request does not cause you any convenience.
Your faithfully,
Jayden Lee | bbqguy | Jan 27, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/formal-complaint-retaurant-94130/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The discussion paragraphs are not complete. There should still be 4 paragraphs in this presentation because of the following discussion reasons:
1. A proper introduction that indicates the name of the restaurant, the date, and the time of the visit. You may also include the name of the host and waiter assigned if you would like to.
2. A summary of the overall meal must be presented. Discuss how everyone enjoyed their order and how please they were with the staff service.
3. The third paragraph should indicate what the problem with your food was. In your current version, you do not indicate having tried to resolve the issue at the table by calling the attention of the server and host. Your reason for filing the complaint should be on the basis of their inaction regarding the situation. Why did they refuse to change the food after you informed them of the wrong order? What solutions did they suggest if any?
4. After explaining the events that occurred, then you can demand that only the portion of your meal be refunded. You cannot as for a full refund as there were no problems with the other orders. Do not forget to include your contact information beyond just your email address.
You have mixed up present and past tense usage in the essay which will result in a lowered GRA score. The word count is also not enough to gain full scoring consideration for the LR and C+C scores. That was the result of not writing the correct number of paragraphs and also, not fully explaining the events as it occurred in the letter.
This is a good effort at letter writing. However, you do not really know how to fully develop the discussion at this point. A complaint letter must contain complete information and the narrative must be seen as proof of wrongdoing on the part of the restaurant staff. That was not proven at all in this email. So the C+C score will more than likely be a failing one as well. It will definitely lower the TA score since the letter did not fully address the writing requirements of the task. | Holt | Jan 27, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/formal-complaint-retaurant-94130/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt
Thanks for your comment, your points are critical and I realized I do missunderstood the topic requirements on point No.2. I was thought it requred me to be polite because no one responds to insulting letter. And I have noticed that you highlighted my present and past tense usage, do you mind elaborate more about this part so that I can learn from my mistakes? | bbqguy | Jan 27, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/formal-complaint-retaurant-94130/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## abortion on demand
One of those issues that have concerned law makers is whether female citizens are allowed to make their own decisions in relation to abortion or the governments should intervene for mental and physical health of them. While there are those opposing abortion on demand for moral reasons, I belong to the supporting team for future of women.
Opponents argue that it is unreasonable for abortion to be legalized widely. Human's rights should be curtailed by the rights of others to free from any harms. Like drug laws, which public has raised no disagreement to, existing to guard against others be involved in a danger, the mother's rights are overruled by those to life of the unborn child. In addition, that abortion is becoming legally and religiously acceptable can encourage a life of gross self-indulgence that no government expects to see from their residents. Both genders should hold obligations for consequence of their sexual activities and banning can motivate people to have a more responsible attitude to sex and pregnancy.
However, I believe that the perspective of supporters should be taken thoughtfully into consideration. If this form of birth control is not allowed at the wish of the pregnant women, they will go to "backstreet abortionists" where the majority of surgeries are performed by unqualified doctors and nurses in unsterile conditions. According to recent statistics that the World Health Organization have publicized, such unsafe abortion results in nearly 68000 deaths per year. It is highly possible that many young girls who become pregnant could loose their future, education and career by the birth of a child. There is no definitive answer that a fetus (foetus) has its own right, so that the alleged rights of a dividing cluster of cells should not be put ahead of a person. | DaisyJk | Jan 28, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/academic-paper-abortion-demand-94139/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The first two paragraphs that you have written are bordering on incoherent. The thoughts being presented are a jumbled mess due to the improper sentence structuring and word usage in the paragraphs. Only the last paragraph makes sense to a certain extent as I suspect that it is more of a cut and paste job from an uncited source rather than the original thought presentation coming from you, as the writer.
From what I gather in this writing, you have done enough research to actually write a more extensive paper. You could write at least 5 paragraphs using the messily assembled topics in these paragraphs. You need to consult with a writing adviser to help you better present these reasons in a more appropriately formatted discussions. You may contact me privately regarding that service if you wish to. | Holt | Jan 28, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/academic-paper-abortion-demand-94139/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Percentage of adults by age group
The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different ages in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The picture depicts the proportion of daily Internet users in 5 groups of age in the UK between 2003 and 2006.
At first glance, there was an overall increase in the number of people using social media with 2006 being the year with the highest proportion of use. In addition, teenagers used the Internet the most among 5 age groups.
In greater detail, UK's residents from 25-44 and 45-54 increased gradually from 50% to 80% and 60% to 80% respectiv[ely. The number of UK juveniles using the Internet started at 80% after which it witnessed a rise to 100% in 2005 and a final 10% drop in the last year of the period.
30% of people from 55-64 in the Uk were Internet users in 2003 then it experienced a considerable climb to 50% in 2006. Nearly half of the senior Internet users in 2006 were seen for people 65+ and there was no data in 2003 was recorded for this age group.
* | lethacquang | Jan 28, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-adults-different-age-94134/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The picture
This is an incorrect identifier. This is not a picture. The task 1 essay requires you to identify the measurement type image. In this case, this is a columnar bar chart. This is different from the row bar chart that is a variation of the same image.
In addition, teenagers used the Internet the most among 5 age groups.
Incorrect trending reference. Once you represent the highest measurement, the next sentence should be the lowest measurement. You cannot combine various trends, you can only pair it up as highs and lows (when possible).
Avoid the use of run on sentences in these presentations. The use of long sentences limits the GRA score in relation to punctuation usage skills. It creates a problem with the C+C considerations. It also, fails to represent the correct mix of sentence styles as required of the task presentation. Use at least 3, but no more than 5 sentences per paragraph. That number will better represent the clarity required of the analysis presentation. | Holt | Jan 28, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-adults-different-age-94134/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Thanks for your checking | lethacquang | Jan 28, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-adults-different-age-94134/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## The best way to teach children to cooperation is through team sports
An opinion usually heard these days is that the best idea to make youngsters more collaborative is through team sports. From my perspective, I do agree with this notion despite some concerns with the other suggestions that I will mention in this essay.
Many people believe that joining in team sports enables children to better understand about cooperation, which is the chief method, because of the following reasons. One of them lies on the essence of team sports - requiring at least two people to engage. Participating in such kinds of sport will create opportunities for childreen to meet and have conversations with their partners; thus, their relationships are about to expand. Additionally, these sports will shape their characters which brings up high moral human beings. For example, members of Viet Nam national football team possess very strong bonds of friendship, and they are also beloved of all since they are very affable with their fans and also have passionate patriotism.
On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that there is many a way that makes children conjoin. One striking inspiration is doing charity works, including visit the orphanages as well as nursing homes. Children especially adolescents can spend their time donating their unused items such as clothes or books to needy people. From this action, they would know how to join hand to build a strong community to do good for society. Another good idea is entering clubs, which can serve as a platform for children to express their thoughts about some familiar problems they have observed. In consequences, youngsters are able to listen to and share with their members,being considered as the powerful tools when entering into the world.
From what has been discussed above, it can be concluded that although the problem is explicit, some proposals, in my opinion, are more vital. What people should do is to pursue to encourage the next generations to implement methods mentioned above in order to become a willing citizens. | trinhxuanbach | Jan 25, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/best-way-teach-children-cooperation-team-94127/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The response you have used in this presentation is incorrect. While it appears that you are giving a degree of measured response through the use of the word "despite", it does not actually accomplish the clarity of opinion in the presentation. You indicate that you agree with the opinion, but failed to indicate to what extent. You should have indicated that you "agree with this notion to the extent that..." in order to create a more appropriate response. Always establish the reason for your opinion as a thesis statement. That way you meet the measured extent response requirement. In this case, the opinion lacks clarity due to the lack of summarized reasoning basis.
Never waste time discussing the benefits of the opposing discussion. The examiner does not care about that. He will not give that paragraph a score since it does not relate directly to your own opinion. Only 2 personal opinion supporting paragraphs will receive full scoring. In this case, partial scoring will be applied to the third paragraph but none for the 2nd paragraph. That is the paragraph that does not support your opinion. So it is invalid as a discussion point.
The partial scoring that will be applied to the third paragraph may not be enough to achieve a passing score. That is because the overall scoring consideration for the essay will be based on an under developed discussion. It is under developed because of the lack of convincing argument to prove your extent response should be believed.
Even your summary conclusion is incorrect and lacking in clarity. The summary conclusion should do just that. Restate the problem, your opinion, and reasons for your response within 40 words or, more specifically, within at least 2 sentences. Your conclusion lacks clarity in this instance because you did not recap the overall discussion points. | Holt | Jan 25, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/best-way-teach-children-cooperation-team-94127/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to a workplace every day.***
## Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages ?
With the development of the technology, there are many alternative ways for individuals selecting their workplace. Some believe that employees worked at home instead of working at office have more benefits. Personally, I strongly believe that the merits of it are more rather than the drawbacks which will be present in the following paragraphs.
To start with, working at home is beneficial for workers as they can save times and money. To move from home to workplace, people spend money on tickets, petrol and it waste their time while travelling. Therefore, teleworking is an appropriate way for financial saving. Moreover, remote workers have high productivity. When employees work at company, they often get interruption of time- consuming commute and working environment distraction. Moreover, they have more schedule flexibility. For example, in free time, they can spend time with family members.
However, there are some difficulties of it. Workers are lack of community and teamwork. At home, spending long hours and collaborating with a computer screen and no face-to-face interaction with team members can be challenging. Although there are platforms for video calls, it is still not efficient than sitting together and brainstorm ideas to work effectively. Another reason for that is the shortage of office equipment. Setting up a home office can be highly cost as they have to buy a high-end laptop/ desktop, a strong internet connection, a fax/printer machine.... And that is not convenience for everyone.
In conclusion, although it has some negative points, the positive side is more efficient as my opinions. | djjockey1205 | Jan 24, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/working-home-efficient-travelling-94124/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Rather than referring to the opinion you support as "it", use a more specific term based on the keyword provided. This will add clarity and accuracy to your opinion as needed by the preliminary score. By the way, watch out for the time reference errors. The past tense references cannot be used in a task 2 essay unless it refers to a previous personal experience or knowledge.
The discussions are not grammatically accurate but those grammatical problems do not reduce the a curacy of the thought or idea presentation.
The presentation works well and may even gain a passing score. I have to say though that there is a more specific and better scoring format for this presentation.
Focus on the cohesiveness and coherence of the discussion. Since this is a comparative discussion prompt, the reasoning paragraphs need to show the advantage and disadvantage of 1 idea in one paragraph. That is why 2 reasons should be comparatively discussed over 2 reasoning paragraphs. The format is:
Sentence 1: basic premise / reason / idea
Sentence 2: explain the validity of the reason
Sentence 3: oppose the idea with a specific reason
Sentence 4: develop the idea explanation
Sentence 5: offer a supporting example or personal experience / knowledge basis
By using this format, you will successfully argue your opinion based upon your ability to invalidate the previous claim. In the process, you will meet the maximum scoring consideration for the major scoring sections.
This is an essay that does not score based on number of reasons presented. The best scores come from the properly discussed, connected, and well explained reasons for only 2 individual ideas.
You should easily notice this error in your presentation since your 2 reasoning paragraphs are not cohesive in the sense that the ideas provided are not explained, these are just listed with only a very light an unconvincing explanation provided in the paragraph. | Holt | Jan 24, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/working-home-efficient-travelling-94124/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Thanks for replying my writing task | djjockey1205 | Jan 24, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/working-home-efficient-travelling-94124/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Spoken communication is more powerful than written communication.***
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an opinion that oral communication is more effective than written word. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement and this essay will give some points below.
One might argue that verbal language is a more powerful means of communication than written language. This is based on the assumption that spoken language is informal and usually involves body language and facial expressions. Therefore, it can be better understood by people of all ages than written language with often long sentences in complex tenses. Evidence can be seen in the way many young children who have not learnt to read and write yet can easily communicate with their parents, for example, by talking or crying.
Despite the benefits outlined above, I believe that written communication plays a more integral roles than oral interaction. Since there are no records, the latter's ability to convey information effectively, though present, is restrained to the time and place that the process of communication takes place. Meanwhile, written language promotes communication across space and time as long as the medium (maybe books, articles, magazines, to name a few) exists. In this sense, written language can serve as solid evidence for future reference in case any confusions or conflicts occur. Besides, human can widen their knowledge through studying historical documents archived in the form of written texts that could otherwise evaporate by word of mouth.
In conclusion, it is my view that written interaction is of more significance than verbal language for reasons associated with permanence.
I will be very grateful to receive your feedbacks. | Camtu25 | Jan 17, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/oral-communication-effective-written-94109/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Your prompt restatement is accurate as it refers to an opinion stated by someone else as a fact, rather than you stating that it is a fact. Good job. Your opinion presentation is very good and uses the correct measured response. The problem with the presentation? It lacks the thesis statement. What is the short form of the basis of your opinion? Consider presenting it in summary form and indicating the long form explanation after it. That increases the preliminary score.
When discussing this essay, it is important that the writer uses the correct comparison discussion format. That is to say, the writer should show evidence of the appropriateness or correctness of the public opinion first, then he should present his counter discussion as to why that is incorrect. By doing so, you prove the strength of your opinion based on an incorrect belief system. Done twice, in separate paragraphs, with different reasons, you will provide a highly concrete supporting presentation for your opinion and properly meet the C+C scoring criteria. While this essay format will still receive a score and, it may be a passing one, a higher and more than average score may be provided using the format I presented above.
As for the reverse paraphrase section, the concluding summary does not quite meet the necessary requirement of 40 words covering at least 2 sentences. So that section may not receive a helpful score during an actual exam.
Good job though. You proved that you understood the writing topic and instruction. You just need to use a better response format next time. Not bad for a beginner. | Holt | Jan 17, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/oral-communication-effective-written-94109/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## technology at school
Using technology as educational tools has a variety of advantages such as helping students more easily approach information, learning with multiple styles and promoting working together. Firstly, since the internet developed, it has changed the way students' study and research from only books or documents to technological devices like projectors, smart phones and computers. Thus, learners can access and retain more materials than before, so this is convenient and not difficult. In addition, social media shows us that many learners from regions lead to many kinds of learning styles as visual learners, auditory learners and so on. For example, for many pupils, they like to use recorded lessons, audiobooks and podcasts and others think that using PowerPoint lessons with graphs are more productive. Moreover, outside the classroom, ideas and opinions can be shared on social media such as Facebook, Instagram and so on. Thus, this is natural that bringing technology into study life will lead to rivalries, teamwork and cooperation. | Conann | Jan 17, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/benefits-use-technology-school-body-94110/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The task 2 essay requires a 2-3 body paragraph depending upon the writing instructions. It appears to me that this discussion is based upon a single opinion essay, so the reasoning presentations should cover no more than 2 parts. However, this presentation is only a single discussion format. Reading through the paragraph indicates that it could easily have been divided into the required number.
Reasons provided tend to be redundant in explanation and examples. The provided reasons are acceptable though and represent the correct single idea format in this presentation. The problem is that the writer has written too many words, without actually adding increasing clarity to the context. This is what makes the presentation weak as a reasoning example. The increased discussion did not translate to a high score. A shorter but more precise discussion would have delivered a better grade. | Holt | Jan 17, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/benefits-use-technology-school-body-94110/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING AN ESSAY SO HELP ME !!! Any feedback is appreciated.
## 3. Tell us about (up to) five activities or accomplishments
***in one or more of the following areas:***
Athletics:
Member of my school's sports team as a goalkeeper in Handball, football, and floorball and as a centre (C) in the basketball team. As an athlete, I served as a team captain for 3 different teams and won many awards. It gave me some life-changing experiences and important skills, allowed me to improve my own abilities and boost my confidence in leading my teammates through intense competition.
Club
I was a member of the news club which exposed me to the skills of journalism and public speaking. I was also a part of the STEM club which provided additional chances to explore STEM topics and challenges through hands-on learning. I did my solo project making a Wire loop game, an Oobleck experiment and an Arduino project, for school fairs.
Leadership Positions and Activities
In my sophomore year, I was elected as a House captain. Being a leader, I was a role model in terms of attitude, attendance, behaviour and manners to all members. I helped organize and support House activities taking, vital steps to maintain a healthy atmosphere all around the year. Not only that, I organized and actively participated in faculty events as an event host.
Work/Employment
During school break, I help my parents to manage our family's two optical shops. I see through all the sales and marketing. Through this job, I learned many skills in customer service, teamwork, and communication. My work there taught me to excel at timed-order production, multitasking, and handling stress effectively during busy periods.
Volunteer
I volunteered at local polling stations, where I helped citizens verify the data of voting IDs in the voter's list, to ensure a successful and legitimate election. I worked on political campaigns and did statistical computer work. I advocated in sexual assault protests for the repeal of the 'one-year' statute of limitations on rape cases. Following widespread protests, the parliament amended the old act, which is a significant step forward.
Service to Others
For the last 2.5 years, my dad and I have been working together on a charitable effort to benefit the neighbourhood communities in Nepal's rural Kalikot district. As my father is an ophthalmic officer, we collaborated to organize a free eye camp. This camp was held for elderly people who are prone to various eye diseases in their old age and are unable to receive treatment. I participated in a charity and helped plan events like giving out warm clothing and instructing young children. We valued the service because dealing with young people and the elderly enables me to develop emotionally and socially. | jkarmie | Jan 13, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/ubc-activities-accomplishments-part-94096/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Athletics
This lacks a clear accomplishment reference. What you should be enumerating are the number of timer the teams you captained won, any MVP awards you received for team participation, or any other recognition you may have received owing to your position as team captain. This does not infer actual achievements in sports.
Club
You certainly were busy as a club member. However, the depiction needs to discuss notable activities you participated in. For example, being a member of the yearbook team would show an active school social setting participation. Focus on the STEM club instead. That has a marked participation mention.
Leadership Positions and Activities
Add a mention of the dispute mediation activities you may have had. Show how you handle group or individual discord as these could happen to you while in college. A true leader can lead in bad times as well so include that in the explanation.
These are the points that need revisions or additional information. | Holt | Jan 13, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/ubc-activities-accomplishments-part-94096/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt
Thank you for your feedback. Actually, I wrote a pretty long explanation but had cut down thinking it would be long. For a Short Description, how many Maximum characters should be okay to include? | jkarmie | Jan 13, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/ubc-activities-accomplishments-part-94096/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello, looking for general feedback on this research essay and three areas of weakness in the paper. Thanks
## The Federal Reserve and the Strength of the U.S Economy: A Research Paper
The Federal Reserve and the Strength of the U.S Economy
With inflation running rampant around the world and the strength of the U.S economy constantly being questioned it is often asked who is responsible for fighting inflation and ensuring the strength of the U.S economy. This is where you can look the United States Federal Reserve. The year over year inflation rate from October 2021-2022 is 8.2 percent (U.S inflation calculator). This is a staggering number when comparing it to the average inflation of the past one hundred years being 3.29 percent annually. While most data predict inflation to be slowly coming down it will take a lot of work to get it to normal rates as well as in 2022 the United States experienced two quarters of negative gross domestic product (GDP) which usually means recession. This research paper will focus on how these issues can be fixed namely, The Federal Reserve can influence the rate of inflation, the overall strength of the United States economy and banking system through the tools and power they possess.
To understand how the Federal Reserve operates and is tasked to do what it does today we must first look back at the history and why the organization was created in the first place. The Fed was created in response to a severe banking panic in 1907. "Bank run that wreaked havoc on the fragile banking system and ultimately led congress in 1913 to write the Federal Reserve Act" (Fed ST. Louis, pg.1, 2022). The Fed was created by Congress through a bill they wrote, when they were first created it was to strengthen the banking system to ensure banks didn't collapse and hurt the valuation of the dollar or overall economy. Today while the Federal Reserve is still tasked with those duties, they also have other responsibilities will be explained. Since the Federal Reserve is the central bank of the United States their responsibilities fall into four general areas. "Influencing money and credit conditions, supervising and regulating banks, maintaining stability of financial system, and providing financial services to the U.S government and institutions" (FED.GOV, Pg.1, 2022). In modern times you can see the responsibilities of the Fed are much broader than when it was first created in 1913. These broader responsibilities ensure they have the tools and authorization to be able to influence the economy and things like inflation. The last important piece of information to know about the Federal Reserve is who the chairman of the Fed is, this is the person at the top making all the final decisions on what they must do in terms of monetary policy. Jerome Powell is the current chairman and will be for the next 4 years as he was just re elected and they serve for 4-year terms. The board of the reserve consist of seven people with Powell being at the top. He is in control of the tools available to the Federal Reserve to fight inflation and influence the economy and banking systems in the United States.
A tool the federal reserve has to their disposal is monetary policy. "Monetary policy influences inflation and the economywide demand for goods and services and the demand for employees who produces those goods and services" (FED.GOV, Pg.1, 2022). Monetary policy is basically the actions and tools the Federal Reserve use as a whole to promote the best economic conditions possible. Looking forward to an example of monetary policy the federal funds rate would be an example of monetary policy used by the fed. Any action taken by the fed to promote economic prosperity and low inflation is looked at as monetary policy. All the examples talked about in the next couple of paragraphs about the tools the Federal Reserve has access to for the purpose of fighting inflation and keeping the economy strong will be examples of monetary policy.
The tools available to the Federal Reserve to fight inflation and keep the economy strong vary. One of the most notable when it comes to fighting an above average inflation rate like we have today is the federal funds rate. "The federal funds rate is the main benchmark interest rate that will influence how much money consumers pay to borrow or are paid to save" (Foster, pg.1, 2022). This rate set by the fed is the basis for all borrowing of money. Because the rate at which you can borrow money is set by the Federal Reserve, they can control how expensive it is to borrow money or how cheap it is. For example, during the Covid 19 crisis the federal reserve set interest rates to zero making it very cheap historically to borrow money. This was done to stimulate the economy in a time where people were locked down and not spending any money or going to work. This is one of the reasons the housing market began to explode in 2020 and 2021 because it was cheap historically to borrow money for a home. Since inflation started to skyrocket the Fed needed to do something to slow it down and bring it back to normal levels. This was the start of the fed increasing the federal funds rate in 2022. This was done to make it more expensive to borrow money which in turn will help bring inflation down. This rise in cost to borrow money will slow down the demand for goods and services. This is one of the Feds main tactics and tools they have in fighting and influencing inflation.
Another highly effective tool used by the Federal Reserve to fight inflation and keep the United States economy strong is the act of buying and selling bonds in the open market and having reserve requirements for all U.S banks. The act of buying and selling bonds in the open market is a tactic that changes the supply of money. "If the Fed buys bonds in the open market, it will increase the money supply by swapping bonds for cash to the public and vice versa if they sell bonds, it will decrease the money supply" (Petroff, pg.1, 2021). Given the fact that the Fed has control over the money supply by simply injecting the open market with money via buying bonds or in turn selling bonds to take money out of the market shows how much control they really have over the economy. The ability to be able to control the money supply is very important regarding inflation. If money supply is too high like it got to during the 2020 Pandemic, then inflation will increase as the money supply is moving faster than the goods produced. Therefore, the federal reserve started to sell bonds into the open market in 2022 to take money out of the circulating money supply to slow inflation and hopefully bring it back down to a normal level. This is where you will hear about the Federal Reserve balance sheet which includes all the assets they own and could potentially sell or buy to the open markets. Bank reserve requirements are another tool set in place to protect the banks from things like the bank runs in 1907 that was the main reason congress went ahead and formed the Federal Reserve. Bank requirements set by the Fed are "the amount of funds that a bank holds in reserve to ensure that it is able to meet liabilities in case of sudden withdrawals" (Chen, pg.1, 2022). This rule was obviously put in place to prevent bank runs like in 1907. This reserve requirement makes sure that the banks have enough money to meet all sudden liabilities. This also ensures that banks do not fail which would be bad for the economy and the U.S dollar which is important to keep strong. This system also ties into the federal discount rate, if a bank does not have enough funds to meet the reserve set by the Fed they can borrow from other banks or from the central bank. The amount of money it will cost to borrow these funds is determined by what the federal discount is at the time. Just like interest rates during the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic the reserve requirement was set to zero to increase the money supply so the economy could fight back shutdowns and not completely crash and burn.
The tools the Federal Reserve use are obviously effective and needed in today's day and age to keep inflation down and keep the U.S economy running strong. In practice these tools are just as strong as they are in theory. There is extensive history of the Feds use of these tools during times of economic distress. The Great Inflation from 1965 to 1982 is a great example of just that. This was a very defining moment for the federal reserve as everything was at stake. During the time of the Great Inflation Paul Volcker was the chairman of the Fed and making all the decisions when it came to monetary policy. "To fight inflation which peaked out at 15 percent year over year Paul Volcker raised interest rates up to 19-20 percent" (FedResHistory, pg.1, 2022). This is a staggering number when it comes to the federal funds rate, this made borrowing money very expensive and pulled a lot of liquidity out of the markets to really kill the horrible inflation. To put this into perspective today interest rates are at 4.5 percent and just the increase from zero to 4.5 percent has had dramatic effects on the economy and borrowing money. Volcker's bold tactics ended up working as inflation dropped to normal levels at about 3.5% towards the end of the crisis. Although there always will be times of economic distress the Federal Reserve works to fight back and bring the economy back stronger as well as keep inflation at bay.
One of the more well-known times of economic downfall in today's day and age is the Great Financial crisis of 2007-2009. This was also a big time for the Federal Reserve as they had their work cut out for them to try and fix the mess cause by the collapse of the housing markets. The Fed acted quickly to try and support the economy. "The Fed also cut its federal funds rate to zero and began a series of large-scale purchases of U.S treasury and mortgage-backed securities" (FedResHistory, pg.1, 2022). These actions by the Fed prevented the Great financial crisis or knows as the Great Recession as well from not being any worse than it already was. They were also creating programs to help the banks meet the reserve requirements. While we are in a somewhat similar situation today with the federal funds rate going from zero in 2020 to now above 5% as the Fed fights inflation its important to notice that when looking back in past times of economic distress these actions taken by the Federal Reserve are always in the best interest of the economy. History shows us these tools work to fight inflation and keep the U.S economy strong and moving forward even if there are a couple years of distress here and there as that is normal.
The 2007-2008 financial crisis also created new programs to stop banks from holding so much money in their reserves which came from the Fed stimulating the market, just as they did in 2020. "In October 2008, Congress granted the Fed the authority to pay depositary institutions interest on reserve balances held at reserve banks" (FRBSF, Pg.1, 2012). This basically made it, so banks did not want to hold so much cash that they were over the reserve limit. A lot of banks were doing this at the time, and it was a problem because money was not flowing through the economy. This interest rate of excess reserves by the Fed forced the banks to loan the money out of other smaller banks or people looking for loans. This new form of monetary policy fixed a problem that had never occurred before. The formation of new monetary policy and the Federal reserve's ability to adapt to new situations shows just how effective they can be.
Knowing the history of the Federal Reserve makes it easier to understand the how they operate and what their main purpose is. While they were initially created to start a new banking system in the United States through a bill in congress their responsibilities have increased significantly. The tools and power they possess give them the power and responsibility to ensure the strength of the U.S economy which includes fighting inflation when it's elevated like today. Now, having a basic understanding of these tools and how they work to accomplish those goals makes it very easy to realize that the Federal Reserve has a huge impact on the economy and inflation. Whether it be from monetary policy, the federal funds rate, or even bank reserve requirements all these tools and actions by the Federal Reserve are done for specific reasons to ensure the strength of the United States economy.
Works Cited | jos2250 | Jan 8, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/research-federal-reserve-feed-back-94075/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Create a stronger opening statement and thesis presentation by removing the cited sources within the first paragraph. As a rule, this part should only contain your insights and assumptions as these will be discussed in the next paragraphs. Outline the discussion path here with the thesis statement. Just introduce everything at that point. That is all that is needed in that part.
"Bank run that ... Federal Reserve Act" (Fed ST. Louis, pg.1, 2022).
Do not use citations that stand alone. What is this about? Your need to explain its relevance to the reader otherwise, it is just a confusing throw away reference. Develop this as a related discussion presentation. This appears to be a repeated error in the paper. Consider this as one of the weak points of the paper covering incorrect in-text citation format.
\* Limited review provided due to paper length. contact me privately for a comprehensive review. | Holt | Jan 8, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/research-federal-reserve-feed-back-94075/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think the introduction could use a bit of work as it goes too much into detail and does not highlight the thesis and insight. | nataliasadhwani | Jan 8, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/research-federal-reserve-feed-back-94075/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**The question:**
Write about the following topic:
***Society today pays less attention to women's sports than to men's sports.
## Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative trend?***
*Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.*
**My answer:**
Nowadays, female athletes gain less public attention than males. I believe that the difference in their physical fitness contributes to this negative trend.
Because of the structure of the body, the competition of female athletes is not as intense as male athletes'. The intensity and competitive level of the men's game are more likely to outcompete women's in most strength sports. And the public is more willing to watch games that give them greater excitement, only with the exception of some skilled sports such as figure skating, synchronised swimming and gymnastics which people enjoy the beauty of women in these sports. So that is one reason why female athletes get so little attention.
This is a negative trend for the development of sports. For sports, the sportsmanship displayed by the participants is considerably more essential than the final place or the ability of the players. Even though most sports that women participate in are not as intense and wonderful as men's due to physical conditions; the fighting spirit shown by female athletes in competitions is not weaker than that of male athletes. Therefore, it is unfair not to pay attention to the hard work of female athletes simply because of their ability. In addition, the lack of attention can make women less enthusiastic about sports, and turning women off sports goes against the original idea of sports competitions that sport is about participation and sportsmanship, instead of the level and ranking of the players.
In conclusion, the physical fitness of female athletes is lower than that of male athletes and this result will cause a decline in competitive intensity makes the audience more willing to watch the male athletes compete with each other. This phenomenon will reduce the enthusiasm of women for athletic competition and defeat the meaning of athletic competition. (302 words)
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my paper and give me comments and suggestions on my current writing level. Have a nice day! | Sunny0629 | Jan 6, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/women-sports-receive-attention-men-94065/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The topic interpretation and your point of view should stand alone in the paragraph. You will automatically receive a failing mark for that section in this presentation As you proceeded to discuss your opinion in the same paragraph. All explanatory and reasoning paragraphs must come after the restatement and opinion section. This is the action that created an incorrect response format. This should've been a 4 paragraph essay. A task 2 essay will never be composed of 3 paragraphs. That would earn an automatic failing score.
You have a tendency to start your sentences with conjunctions. An error that shows how your English fluency is betrayed by your lack of grammar rules and proper sentence formation knowledge. The words "and" and "because" are used as sentence coordinators that connect sentences and phrases. These errors will affect your GRA score. | Holt | Jan 6, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/women-sports-receive-attention-men-94065/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Essay Title:
***It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.
Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?***
Children are the age that they don't know about the world or society that much. It is quite hard to know what is correct and what is wrong. This is to say, parents need to teach them what it should be or shouldn't be. But sometimes the way that they use to teach their kids is wrong too. Punishment is significant to make the kids know that they must not do that. On the other hand, some people are questioning about some punishment whether it's too much. So I disagree with punishing the children and will give my opinions below.
Nowadays, there's a lot of children growing up. In Asia, there's a lot of parents that still punish their kids by scolding and beating them. Is it a good thing to do ? This method might be useful for some kinds of children, But in the family, violence should not exist. When the children are scolded or beaten, it might haunt them for a long time. For instance, there's a lot of news that shows that the kids are scolded and beaten, mostly panicked, absent-minded, depressed and repressed. Even the punishment wasn't that harsh, but if they are often punished, the kids might be repressed and think that they're not good enough for their parents.
Instead of punishing them, why don't parents teach and talk nicely to their children? Perhaps, the reason why the children still do wrong behaviour is because they don't know why it is wrong. Parents should tell them the reason why they have to do this and not do this, what's the consequences of this act and how people feel after this act. Giving them reasons makes the children understand a lot of things and grow up a lot.
In conclusion, punishment isn't the best way to teach children, especially the violence is extremely unjustifiable. Talking nicely and giving reasons are more useful. These things help the children grow up to be good adults in the future. I strongly insist that the punishment should not be physical, rather psychological and practical. | nerdypmns | Jan 11, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/learning-right-wrong-punishment-94092/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The first major reason that this essay will fail is that you did not follow the writing requirements. You were asked for the extent of your dis/agreement and what sort of punishments teachers and parents can apply to erring students and children. Not only did you fail to deliver a measured response, you also altered the second discussion topic by not giving a relevant response to it. As the full discussion you wrote no longer provided the correct content, the examiner will have no choice but to give an overall failing score with regards to response accuracy. You failed the test because you did not understand both the questions and writing instructions.
The second failing reason relates to the word count. The essay has an excessive but irrelevant to the discussion word count. An examiner would most certainly say that this essay never had a chance at a passing score. | Holt | Jan 11, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/learning-right-wrong-punishment-94092/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt
Thank you so much ! I'll improve it ! | nerdypmns | Jan 11, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/learning-right-wrong-punishment-94092/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Topic:
***When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.***
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My essay
It is true that many people now decide to choose their job only based on the income they get. However, I do not agree with this idea since there are myriad factors that are equally important to salary that people are bound to consider.
On the one hand, a job with abundant and flexible salary can help people meet their basic needs in their life, such as housing, expenditure on commodities, traveling, health care. The benefits of having satisfying income make people happy and powerful. Besides, money is a motivation for people to work harder and more effectively, because they feel that they deserve with the money they get based on what they do and their passion for the job. For instance, when an architect get good salary, they are motivated a lot because they know that their products and effort are worth-paying and valuable.
Money is important to people, however, there are still other crucial factors that they need to concern before making a decision whether to take it. If people choose an appropriate job based on your interests, they will be fascinated to complete all the tasks even if they feel frustrated and depressed due to their lousy boss or unfriendly colleagues. On the other hand, money can buy happiness, but it is not a sustainable way. The main factors making people optimistic are only generated by the environment around them, which includes the workplace, positive relationships with their colleagues and friends at work. That is why a fulfilling job which suits you is the best and wise option for you to contribute to society and create a good lifestyle and thinking.
In conclusion, although salary is important to everyone, that is not the only key thing to consider when choosing a job | Johndavisvu | Jan 11, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/salary-key-thing-consider-choosing-job-94091/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The prompt itself does not ask you to consider the truth behind the presented discussion point. Therefore, to do so in the restatement is a scoredown. You did not keep to the given discussion. You added a claim that is not required nor found in the original. It has made the restatement inaccurate.
A writer's opinion must meet the response formatting needs as indicated. When the correct response is not provided in the complete or expected manner, that section could earn either a partial score credit or a full failing score. In this case a partial score credit will be provided due to the missing extent response. Where is the emotional or logical degree response?
The combined early score for the establishing discussion paragraph may not be a passing one or could not be high enough to produce more than just an overall passing score. There were heavy mistakes made in that section that could prevent the ideal score from being achieved.
Grammar is not a problem for you. The sentences are properly written to meet most of the requirements. The problem is in the discussion format. There exists an unfamiliarity with the correct discussion presentation, based on discussion instructions on your part. All these discussion instructions are single opinion based on 2 supporting reasons in the presentation. The writing instructions will dictate when a comparative essay is needed. Some indicators are.
- compare the advantages and disadvantages
- do the positives outweigh the negatives
- What are the pros and cons
Where these instructions are not present, a comparison is not needed.
The essay will not get a final passing score due to the incorrect discussion presentation. Regardless of the good work in the LR, C + C , and grammar sections, the essay remains underdeveloped as there is not enough evidence to prove the writer's opinion. Hence the 2 supporting paragraph need.
As for the conclusion errors, that is set to be another set of error discussions. The above are the most important mistakes that should be fixed going forward. | Holt | Jan 11, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/salary-key-thing-consider-choosing-job-94091/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**The question:**
Write about the following topic:
***Research suggests that many prisoners commit crimes again after being released from prison.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? SUGGEST SOME SOLUTIONS.***
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
**The answer:**
Nowadays, there are more and more released offenders who tend to commit crimes again. The unaltered pattern of a criminal's behaviour and people's discrimination against them contributed to this phenomenon.
Numerous criminals choose to reoffend because prisons do not affect their mind, they still act as they did before they stayed in a cell or even worse than before. Prisons should do more to educate and rehabilitate prisoners than only to punish or imprison them. Punishment will genuinely make those offenders feel suffering, but suffering does not necessarily make them want to be proper citizens, they may still commit crime as before. They will still use illegal means to acquire others' assets or use violence to solve problems when they are out of gaol, if prisons fail to drive home to these criminals that committing crime is a shame, and the price of crime.
Secondly, people's prejudice against these people released from prison (even though they hope to become proper citizens) can also lead them to reoffend. Due to this discrimination, it is difficult for a former criminal to find employment, not only that critical units of the state would not accept them, but also small businesses and even they cannot be a courier or cleaner. Numerous former criminals are unable to find a job and cannot even feed themselves and their families, so they can only rob or steal others' property to make sure they can survive.
This trend can be tackled in two ways. First, prisons should strengthen the psychological construction of criminals, rather than just focusing on using stiff punishment. Making criminals not want to commit crimes is far more effective in reducing repeat crime than making criminals fear punishment. If an ex-criminal deeply believes that crime is shameful, he will not commit it again even if he has the ability and the opportunity. The second solution is that the government can teach these released prisoners skills which can let them survive in society and strengthen their employment. For these released offenders who want to become qualified citizens, if they can feed themselves in a legal and decent way, they are less likely to commit another crime.
In conclusion, prisons should pay more attention to the psychological education of prisoners. And in the meantime, offering jobs to ex-offenders could also help tackle the rise in reoffending. (389 words)
And excuse me, could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay in TA, LR, CC and GRA respectively if it is in a real IELTS test?
Thank you for reading this paper and providing valuable comments. Have a nice day! | Sunny0629 | Jan 7, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/causes-solutions-reoffending-94066/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay
Contact me privately for comprehensive scoring services. It is not part of our free review offering anymore.
The standard format of a task 2 essay is 4 paragraphs unless it is a discuss both views and give your opinion presentation. In which case there is a specific 5 paragraph (optional) presentation that can be used in the presentation. This presentation is, in effect, over discussed since the maximum writing requirement is 300 words. You already knew that didn't you? You already copied my advice to give to a student here. Which is why I was hesitant to advice you until it became necessary to do so. That is why you have the plagiarism warning.
Your main problem is over-discussion. Do not write more than 5 sentences per paragraph. conciseness gets a better score. | Holt | Jan 7, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/causes-solutions-reoffending-94066/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## population in japan
The question:
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
***The table below shows the Japanese population by different age groups from 1970 to 2040.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***
You should write at least 150 words.
**The answer:**
The chart presents information about three different age groups in Japan during the period from 1960 to 2000, and projections until 2040.
At the beginning of the 1960s, the 15-46 age group accounted for almost two thirds of the Japanese population, while the figure for under-14-year-old people is relatively low (30% only). And the smallest age group is the over-65s, who made up only 3% of the population at that time.
But all the situation changed dramatically in the following forty years. Although people aged 15-46 were still the major part of the Japan demographic, the proportion of them was volatile. It reach a new high (around 75%) in 1990 but quickly dropped to about 62% a decade later. And the percentage of people aged under 14 gradually declined to 20% by the end of 2000, while the figure for people aged over 65 increased noticeably to 20% (on a par with the under 14 age group).
And the proportion of the 15-46 age group and people aged under 14 may keep failing sharply to approximately 55% and 4% respectively until 2040. By comparison, the percentage of over-65s age groups is likely to grow significantly to 50%, only slightly less than the 15-46 age group.
Overall, the proportion of elderly people in Japan is rising rapidly, while the proportion of middle-aged people and children is both showing a moderate decline. By 2040, the proportion of the elderly and middle-aged population is expected to be closer, and considerably higher than the proportion of children. (253 words)
***For those of you who have read this paper, could you please give me some advice on IELTS Task 1? I am not familiar with the composition structure of IELTS Task 1. When practicing Task 1, I often find that when I finish expressing what I want to express, it usually takes more than 20 minutes, and the number of words is far more than the 150 words mentioned in the question. How can I solve this problem? Please tell me, thanks.***
* | Sunny0629 | Jan 7, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/demographic-change-japan-94069/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The number one requirement of this task is the ability of the writer to say what he means clearly using the best descriptive words possible, while using actual data from the image. This is a quick analysis presentation. It does notrequire indirect then direct references. State the data in the paragraph, not in the parenthesis. Avoid exaggerated and emotional references. Save that for specific task 2 discussions. The task 1 essay is not a creative writing exercise. There is no need to overstate information. That sends the analysis off track and renders the presentation less than accurate to the reader. These changes should lessen your word count and keep you within the 20 minute mark. | Holt | Jan 7, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/demographic-change-japan-94069/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt Thanks for you help, that's really helpful for me. Have a nice day! | Sunny0629 | Jan 7, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/demographic-change-japan-94069/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## WATER USAGE diagram
***The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.***
**Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**
The diagram displays the percentage of water usage for several objectives in some regions of the world. Overall, the chart is separated into three usages such as industrial use with white color, agricultural use with white color and fill with the line, and domestic use with black color. Most developed countries utilize water for industrial areas. Meanwhile, developing countries use water in farming areas.
Based on the data, I will divide the percentage of water used into three groups. First, the group consists of South America, Central Asia, and Africa, which use water by ranking for farming, domestic, and industrial areas. North America and Europe are in the second group. These two regions used water majority for industrial needs (48% and 53%), agricultural needs (39% and 32%), and only a few percent (13% and 15%) for domestic use. The last group is South East Asia, with 81% spent water for agricultural fields, 12% on industrial, and the last 7% on domestic.
(161 words)
Please help me to evaluate my writing skills, read and comment if it's possible, and please also give a score. Thank you in advance.
* | calicoshafira | Jan 9, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-show-percentage-water-used-different-94081/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
It would help you improve your Task 1 writing style if you refer to other examples with regards how to write it and how to better identify the images presented. Your essay is a non passing one at this point because it does not meet the writing requirements of the task. I guess you are self studying which is why you made these accidental errors in your writing.
For starters, you need to identify the image provided in a single descriptive word. You were not provided with a diagram, but you were provided with a chart. But what kind of chart? The correct identifier is a pie chart. You need not over describe the image provided. Do not mention how the information is divided but give the type of information division instead. Remember to indicate the measurement used next time.
A task 1 essay is always composed of 3-4 paragraphs. 3 paragraphs for one image, 4 paragraphs for more than 2 images. So you already get a failing score for the presentation format and expected response format. You should not describe what you are going to do, just do it. This is a report paper, not an opinion paper. Do not integrate task 2 writing requirements in a task 1 essay. These are 2 different formats and require different information presentation styles.
You did your best to present a proper task 1 essay. The problem, is that your idea of how it should be formatted and presented is different from the actual scoring requirement. The presentation is nothing but a disorganized outline of your thoughts, it is not a proper report presentation. Next time, outline your ideas based on the image grouping and then write the draft. That way you get a better idea of what you want to say and how you should say it.
There are ample examples of task 1 essays at this forum that you can learn from. I suggest you read the previous practice essays for this topic as listed in the Similar Discussions section under this post. You are sure to gain useful knowledge from it. | Holt | Jan 9, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-show-percentage-water-used-different-94081/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt thank you for your advice, I will try to read more and do better next time. | calicoshafira | Jan 9, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-show-percentage-water-used-different-94081/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## phones ban at schools
In the ever-changing world, when technology and digital devices are playing a prominent role in people's lives, current children are believed to be the earliest generation to approach and grow up with these devices. When adults supposed that in the school, phones or tablets should be forbidden, I reckon that children should be allowed to use their digital devices in appropriate ways.
There are various reasons why phones should be stayed away from children, especially during the time they study at school. First of all, students easily to engrossed in recreational activities on applications on their phones when they use social media, playing games, chatting, without control. As a result, they will be distracted and can not concentrate on their work at school. Moreover, some unoffical information on the internet can exert a tremendous impact on students's ways of thinking and behaviour.
On the other hand, it is believed that children can utilize their time of studying when they can use their own devices. Some educational apps are helping pupils to acquire new knowledge by effectve ways. Not only that, social media activities can help children to make more friends, be more talkative and have more relationships when they can connect with people around the globe. It is also an efficient way for them to reduce their stress at school and unwind their mind.
In the final analysis, I reaffirm my conviction that phones and others technology devices can have both posiitive and negative impact on children's physical and mental health. To help them utilize the benefit of these devices, parents should talk more with their children and explain the merits and demerits of consuming phones. | huongggtra | Jan 4, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-banned-using-phones-school-day-94053/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
This is an essay that requires 2 comparison points and several writer's opinion in its discussion development. Based on the way the restatement was presented along with the opinion s the response should have covered 3 paragraphs in the following format:
Par. 2: 1st public opinion reasoning + writer's point of view of the discussion.
Par. 3: 2nd public opinion reasoning + writer's opinion of this reason.
Par. 4: Writer's personal opinion + explanation.
While pronoun usage can be found in this essay, he is not referring to the correct audience with it He should use pronouns to indicate other people's opinions and his own. The current format does not really work based on the required discussion format. The approach is not really applicable since the comparative nature of the debate topic was not met. S how what is right and wrong with each public opinion.Then say whether you support it or not. Explain why. Present your personal opinion based on personal reasons if your opinion is not aligned with the public opinions provided. Your stand-alone opinion is optional. The main discussion surrounds the provided topics only. That is what the examiner will expect from the response of the exam taker. | Holt | Jan 4, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-banned-using-phones-school-day-94053/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Your essay looks great but you can also mention countries like India and China where phones are banned and they are excelling in education. | SunilPal | Jan 4, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-banned-using-phones-school-day-94053/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt @SunilPal many thanks | huongggtra | Jan 4, 2023 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-banned-using-phones-school-day-94053/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
This essay presents a balanced view on the use of phones in schools. it acknowledges the potential distractions and negative impacts that phones can have on students, but also points out the potential benefits that educational apps and social media can provide. The suggestion to involve parents in discussions about phone usage is a good one, as it promotes responsible use of these devices. you could give examples or cite some research to support your argument. | glowstorm | Jan 4, 2023 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-banned-using-phones-school-day-94053/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Internally young forever
Todays culture seems to be obsessed with looking younger, weather it's getting Botox, laser treatments, elective surgery or Viagra. But, what if we could actually be younger internally? Can we preserve or reverse our aging process deep in our DNA and cells? Well, maybe not like Benjamin Button but yes, some scientist believe we can.
David Sinclair is a biologist and geneticist from Australia. He's been working in a lab to create a supplement to preserve the longevity of a person's life span. As we age, we lose a lot! NMN is a big thing we have when we're younger but lose as we age. This is Dr. Sinclair's main focus in the lab. He believes taking this supplement an help the aging process. Exercise is also something we can do to increase NMN in our body, according to Dr. Sinclair. Sinclair also believes aging is a disease because we can get memory loss, other disease, cancers, and ultimately die from it. Dr. Sinclair is fifty-two but looks like he's forty! He's been taking this supplement for years but hasn't released it to the public yet.
"The top tips are simply: Focus on plants for food, eat less often, get sufficient sleep, lose your breath for 10 minutes three times a week by exercising to maintain your muscle mass, don't sweat the small stuff and have a good social group," Sinclair said in cnn.com reverse aging itself scn wellness by Sandee LaMotte June 2, 2022
Another part of longevity of life we look at is nutrition. Zach Effron hosted a documentary on Netflix about the blue zone countries a few years ago. These blue zone countries have the healthiest people in the world. They live longer, they don't have obesity, memory loss or the other diseases that seem so common in America. Some of these countries are Ikaria, Greece, Okinawa, Japan, Ogliastra, Sardinia.
In the blog, "The blue zones: Lifestyle habits of the world's longest-living populations, the author makes an ethos and logos argument. Laura Dan writes about the scientific research done over the years with certain areas of the world. Dan, also writes about the desire of living a long quality life by mirroring the people in these areas of the world's lifestyle.
Laura Dan says "through their research, they identified regions of the world with the largest percentage of individuals 100 years of age or older, called the blue zones. The people of these regions engage in similar lifestyle habits, such as consuming a plant-heavy diet and prioritizing tight-knit social networks". Some of these blue zones listed are Loma Linda, California, Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica and Sardinia, Italy.
We seem to take advantage of our health and do not always take the initiative to take care of ourselves to the best of our abilities. Heart disease is the second highest cause of deaths in the U.S. 805,000 Americans have a heart attack.
In doing my research, I have found that heart disease is mostly from an unhealthy lifestyle.
Not moving around much or making exercise as apart of our daily or weekly routine. Also, eating an unhealthy diet.
Such as, fast food, fried foods, high in sugar foods and huge potions. Living a gluttonous and sloth like life. Although sometimes genetics do factor in.
Another health risk that comes with aging for Americans is Osteoporosis. Osteoporosis is due to bone density loss which can increase the chances of breaking a bone. This can lead to much more health problems. It's harder to heal the older we get and if we break our hip during a fall we can be sedentary for awhile. Not being able to move around how we are used to moving can cause mental health issues, weight gain, and weakening other bones and muscles. Half of Americans 50 and older have loss in bone density.
There are much more diseases that are associated with aging but the last one I will mention in this paper is Alzheimer's. 6.5 million Americans 65 and older have Alzheimer's disease. It is the fifth leading cause of death in people 65 and older. It's a horrible disease that not only does the person with the disease suffer but also their families suffer taking care of them and seeing their loved ones go through this. It changes the person they love and it hurts their care takers.
Some say we have more control over our longevity than we previously thought. For so long we have focused on treating rather than preventing and maintaining our health. Well, it seems like that's changing. We're more aware of what we put in our bodies and staying active in a smart way. | Dreamgirl01 | Jan 9, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/internally-young-forever-blue-zone-states-94078/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
some scientist
Some is a plural adjective so it cannot be used with a singular reference. Use the indefinite article "a" instead to refer to a singular/ particular number. Change "believe" to the correct third-person singular simple present indicative form "believes" to complete the grammar correction in that part.
we lose a lot!
Such over emphasis is unacceptable in an academic research paper. Emotional statements like these create a bias presentation in a paper required to be neutral in stance. Either tone it down or remove the statement.
NMN
You are too excited about the research. You totally forgot to define and introduce this term to the reader. It left me confused. What is this? Why dowe produce it? Why is it important?
\* Limited review provided due to paper length. Contact me privately for a comprehensive review. | Holt | Jan 9, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/internally-young-forever-blue-zone-states-94078/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## export earnings (2015-2016)
The bar chart illustrates the export earnings of the USA from five different products. The table below shows the percentage change in values for five different products.
Generally speaking, except for the case of gems and jewelry and agricultural products, all the surveyed categories experienced an upswing trend in their export values from 2015 to 2016. Additionally, the figure for textiles observed the most dramatic change throughout the examined period.
Between 2015 and 2016, petroleum product export earnings increased by 3%, from $60 billion to more than $63 billion, while agricultural product export earnings remained relatively stable. By contrast, the figure for gems and jewelry started at about $40B, but later it witnessed a fall of 5.18% in 2016.
In 2015, the export value of engineered goods was around $57 billion, rising to more than $60 billion in 2016. Such a growth rate, however, was even more pronounced in the case of textiles, with a sharp increase of 15.24%, from more than $25 billion to around $31 billion in just one year of the examined period.
* | thuyne | Jan 8, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/chart-shows-value-one-country-exports-various-94077/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Always remember that this report is written on the assumption that the reader does not have a copy of the image on hand. Therefore, using image locations in the statement is useless. That is an incorrect writing format that will result in deductions. As the writer, you are expected to deliver the image information without the need to resort to location references.
Even though the word " generally" was used to indicate a trending statement, the use of factual data in the presentation altered the purpose and meaning of the paragraph. A general statement should have been made using estimates, with measurement indicators but not actual data such as indicative years. A differentiation between image trend descriptors should also be used in the explanation. This is another format problem and deduction. Yes, even small errors have small point reductions. One could actually fail the test that way as it all adds up in the end.
Using the 4 paragraph format was the correct overall presentation to use. Your main problem stems from the response format problems rather than overall formatting.
The reporting paragraphs will be scored less due to the incorrect paragraph formatting and GRA issues. A complete academic paragraph requires a 3-5 sentence presentation. A complete sentence uses one idea per line. The overall essay lacks in proper sentence structure usage. The GRA score is going to be low due to the lack of varied sentence types, minimal use of varied punctuation macks, and the constant use of eun-on sentences. | Holt | Jan 8, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/chart-shows-value-one-country-exports-various-94077/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## children Discipline
Should children be imparted self-monitoring by their biological parents or should the government shoulder this responsibility on account of school discipline proved ineffective in contemporary epoch? In this essay, I shall discuss both sides of this controversial issue prior to going on to state why I tend to agree with the notion that parents are probably to blame whenever a child becomes disrespectful or develops unacceptable behaviors.
Those in favor of government intervention aimed at reforming behavioral problems of children, often lay particular stress on a high-disciplined generation since the state can resort to policy instruments concerning the importance of this attribute, including incentives, bans and mandates, information campaigns, and nudges. Only by doing so can public policies foster generally acceptable standards of behavior in the youth and raise emotionally stable adults. The argument, therefore, is that government involvement constitutes one of the viable solutions to tackle the lack of discipline in school. Hence, policy instruments capable of engendering behavior change on the part of citizens, especially the juveniles, have greatly assisted educators in surmounting disciplinary obstacles.
Convincing as the above-mentioned appear to be, there are many who believe that teaching children responsible behavior and self-control is commonly attributed to parental onus as parents have been deemed to be the most influential role models in a child's life. In other words, it is strategically vital to seek the most effective parenting methods that ought not to be relied heavily on corporal punishment since indiscriminately using disciplinary measures or inflicting pain on children to cease them to misbehave solely instills in them gratuitous violence of resolving the problems. This is also a raging debate about the indiscipline among children in schools in which a conducive learning environment should have been created. Accordingly, parents need empowering to be more involved in school discipline policies and procedures at best for the sake of hindering young generation from the waywardness and irresponsibility.
In conclusion, there seem to be valid reasons on both sides of the argument and ideally, not only is government intrusion considered to be virtually indispensable to aid schools in correcting misbehavior of students but also their parents should cooperate. Yet, I am consistently a staunch supporter of the idea that children should be brought up in a home in which there is unconditional love along with clear boundaries, limits, rules and consequences to make them consciously move from obedience to accountability. | jimmy1104 | Jan 8, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/discipline-growing-problem-modern-schools-94073/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Your restatement is confusing to read. To be honest, it is not even remotely close to the original discussion topic. Even your personal opinion in so disconnected from the instructions and discussion bases that it does not meet task requirements. The preliminary score of this essay is on the failing side because of the aforementioned reasons. The exam taker clearly has incapacities when it comes to the overall writing requirements. So much so that this essay, in its totality will not meet sectional passing scores.
I do not know what topic you are discussing in this essay but this is not reflective of the original discussion points. Your comprehension skills in relation to the instructions are severely off base. No amount of word usage will make this a passing essay. It is over written and also incomprehensible for the most part.
Your improvement points should address comprehension, grammar usage, sentence structure, and relevant word usage. These may be addressed point by point in your ESL classes. | Holt | Jan 8, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/discipline-growing-problem-modern-schools-94073/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults
In recent years, the population of young adults has been far higher than that of elderly people in some countries. This trend may be advantageous to some extent, but I am of the opinion that its drawbacks are eclipsed by its benefits.
On the one hand, an increasing young population and a falling old one contribute to national economic development. In fact, young people tend to acquire knowledge in a quicker way than the elderly. Therefore, the country will have a well-educated prospective workforce in the near future, leading to economic growth. Furthermore, there are several social welfare expenses for the elderly. These could include pension and healthcare services. With a decreasing old population, the government can save a large amount of money; therefore, it can invest their budget in some more urgent aspects of life involving education, infrastructure, poverty, and so on.
On the other hand, I believe that this phenomenon possesses more demerits than merits. Firstly, the large number of young people may result in job losses. As the labor market is becoming increasingly competitive, it is undoubtedly difficult for young job seekers to find a high-paying job. Consider Vietnam, where many university graduates are unable to find work despite holding excellent bachelor's degrees. Second, while young people are apprehensive, the older generation has more work experience. They seem to be more dominant than the young when it comes to complicated cases. Too many young workers in a company can lead to unproductivity.
In conclusion, in spite of some advantages, I argue that this trend comprises more disadvantages associated with employment loss and companies' unproductivity. | ghadtj | Jan 7, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/population-young-adults-far-higher-elderly-94068/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There is a redundancy existing in your opinion statement. The double presentation of your openion in a single sentence led to a confusing idea presentation. The fust half of the sentence is already clear and only required the short reasoning topics to support it. The last half of the statement was the correct response but it was lacking the summarized reasons presentation. So, even though the restatement is accurate, the paragraph will still receive demerits in terms of accuracy, coherence, and word usage because of o presentation confusion..
Now, scoring is only applied to relevant paragraphs. Your first reasoning presentation does not qualify for scoring. This presentation contradicts your previously stated point of view. The examiner expects to read 2 supporting reasons in independent paragraphs. What does this mean? You are showing an indecisive opinion, meaning you cannot really support your own opinion as the essay requires. This runs counter to the single opinion support requirement. It will be stricken from consideration and deducted from the word count. It will be an obstacle to passing the teat.
What you should have done was focus on developing the 2 reasons you presented in the second paragraph.These are the 2 independent reasons that should have been developed within 5 sentences per paragraph. Properly explaining these reasons would have resulted in a maximum overall scoring consideration. The concluding summary also does not meet the I sentence, 40 word requirement so it cannot be given a passing mark either.
You understood the topic and discussion requirements. It was the response format that is incorrect. I am sure you will do better next time as you now have a writing guideline to go by. | Holt | Jan 7, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/population-young-adults-far-higher-elderly-94068/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the impact of music
Music plays an indispensable part in many aspects of people's lives. While many point out that helping people relieve stress is the most crucial role of music, I disagree with this idea because I believe that music has other equally important functions including driving people's productivity and support musicians to convey their emotions or messages.
On the one hand, I believe that one of music's undeniably outstanding missions is being a measure for people's pressures and mental strains. Firstly, from a scientific perspective, healing music with slow rhythms can curb the production of cortisol - the stress hormone, and enhance the dopamine generation cycle - the hormone stimulating our brains to receive positive emotions. In reality, in the past few years, the emerge of million-stream "healing" or "chilling" playlists with a wide range of Jazz songs, piano cover audios, or classical tracks on streaming platforms like Youtube, Spotify, and Souncloud has become a prominent trend. The huge number of streams as well as the increasingly monthly listeners quantity ascertain the role of music as a tool of relaxing. Moreover, to musicians, singers or other individuals working in the music industry, music may be like a magical remedy for stresses, or even mental illnesses. Many renowned artists like Billie Janet Jackson, Halsey, Eilish, etc. publicly disclosed how they struggled wth mental health issues and how music became a supplement type in their treatment process of emotional breakdowns.
However, music can bring other irrefutable benefits to mankind: to boost working or studying productivity and to unveil implicit feelings and messages. First, when listening to music, people can enhance their deep concentration level and cognitive capacity - two fundamental factors for individuals working in fields requiring the utter vigilance and logical thingking such as programmers, software engineers or scientific researchers. Another key benefit of music is its ability to dedicately express songwriters' thoughts, emotions, and messages, which other tools' such as stories, poems, or speeches may not be as effective as. Thanks to lyrics, beats and melodies, a sad love stragedy, a desire to seize the freedom or a pride in hometown landscapes can be described vividly. Therefore, musicians can find sympathy from their audience, bring positive energy into life or awake listeners' hidden compassions and passions. Michael Jackson - a king of pop sucessfully provoked people's sense of responsibilty for our Earth through classical songs like 'Heal the world', 'We are the world', 'Earth song', etc.
In conclusion, I disagree with the view that the most significant role of music is supporting people in relieving stress, because I believe that productive capacity intensifying and affections communicating are music's other equally important functions. | ABC2519 | Dec 25, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/important-function-music-helps-people-93989/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
When asked to write an extent response, do your best to actually quantify your response with a type of emotional measurement. Do not use a basic dis/agree response because that in an incomplete response and will only be partially scored. Indicate a reference to a full, strong, or partial measurement to your dis/agreement to create a properly formatted openmon that will receive full scoring credits. That said, I have to commend the well written discussion short form. It shows the direction the reasoning paragraphs will be taking.
Since the instruction does not include a comparison reference, you do not need to justify the opposing side. The examiner will base the C + C score of the essay on how well you defend your opinion using one or 2 reasons. The current explanation set up will be considered lacking in writer reasoning development. The opposing paragraph will not be considered in the scoring process. It will lower the C + C score.
There are also punctuation lesage problems here. An apostrophe is not always needed when representing the plural form ofa word. Please familiarize yourself with punctuation usage rules overall to prevent future GRA deductions. Comma usage, run-on sentences (specially in the conclusion) , and other grammar problems also abound. This should be a major concern for you since this is a major scoring section in the test. | Holt | Dec 25, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/important-function-music-helps-people-93989/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I am also studying for the IELTS, and I can hardly imagine a candidate who can write a 440 word essay in 40 minutes and give such a professional explanation (the type of explanation I can only see in research reports). I might not even spell 'cortisol' correctly in the real exam. In fact, the IELTS writing test does not measure your professional knowledge, it is an English language level test. You just need to have reasonable logic to justify your opinion, accurate data or relevant scientific research are not necessary.
And there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your paper. Although IELTS is allowed to make some grammatical errors, too many grammatical errors, especially low-level errors, will make your GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy) score very low.
The most frequent ones to watch out for are misspelling, redundancy or confusion in articles, and errors in the use of parts of speech.
Here are some examples of incorrect use of parts of speech. I hope you can understand.
1. In the last sentence of paragraph 1, 'support' should use its gerund form, 'supporting'.
2. In the second paragraph, you should use the adjective 'increasing' to describe noun phrases, not the adverb 'increasingly'
At the same time, the spelling mistakes are also very noteworthy.
In your paper, spell 'with' as' wth 'in the last sentence of the second paragraph. In the second sentence of the third paragraph, 'thinking' is spelled 'thingking'. In the fourth sentence of the third paragraph, if I understand correctly, you mean 'a sad love tragedy'. You wrote 'a sad love stragedy'. In the last sentence of paragraph 3, you spelled 'successfully' instead of 'sucessfully' and 'responsibility' instead of 'responsibilty'.
Although some of these mistakes will not affect reading, they will lower your IELTS writing score.
And compassion is an uncountable noun, it has no even form.
I hope my reply can help you prepare for IELTS writing. Good luck! | Sunny0629 | Dec 25, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/important-function-music-helps-people-93989/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## TASK II QUESTION
In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. why might people want to do this? is it a positive or negative development?
Conducting research regarding their own family is more popular as this can attract hereditary diseases from family members. I strongly believe that this information could bring benefit younger keenly aware of their health, decreasing congenital disease.
Research on the past of family members is for attracting hereditary diseases, so the research would have information about families member who might have a certain disease. That is to say, the researcher will be gathering all information concerning the medical history of family members from past to present whereas they would analyze the information.
The information from historical research on family is useful for younger who have the congenital disease for helping them more aware of their illness, so they begin to change their habits to a healthy lifestyle, taking care of healthy food. If the research is compiled information with comprehensive, the young generation with the congenital disease has a wide opportunity to live longer.
In conclusion, the young generation has more opportunities to avoid the risk of congenital disease because of information that researchers had been attracted by the research history of medical families. If possible, the research should be done regularly to prevent new one of illnesses. | YETI YUNIARSIH | Jan 1, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/regarding-world-becoming-popular-research-94026/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Since this a task 2 essay , it should meet the 250 minimum word requirement. Writing only 198 words will result in an overall failing score since the lacking word count will result in applicable task score reduction. The writer appears to be currently unfamiliar with Task 2 writing requirements so he should familiarize himself with these first.
Serious grammar issues related to word usage and sentence formation have resulted in a difficult to understand writing piece. I literally found it difficult to understand his written thoughts. He fails to write with any clear sense most of the time. He will definitely fail in the C + C section. This is seriously a non-passing essay presentation. I strongly urge him to enroll in ESL classes to fix this specific problem.
I will reserve further comments and observations about his writing problems at this point. It is already obvious that he did not do a good job with this essay. I have pointed out his major problem points. I hope he can address these before he tries to write another essay of any sort in relation to the IELTS test. | Holt | Jan 1, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/regarding-world-becoming-popular-research-94026/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I'm not going to judge your performance in TA, LR and CC. Holt has already made a comprehensive assessment, and my understanding of the other three is not comprehensive. I will only talk about your grammar mistakes.
1. You need to be aware of some formatting issues, including capitalizing the first letter of the first word of the sentence.
2. In the second paragraph, you wrote 'families member'. I'm sorry this is a wrong expression, it's a fixed phrase 'family members'.
3. In paragraph 4, you cannot say 'for younger who'. 'younger' is not a noun, it is an adjective and therefore cannot be the object of a sentence. Better to replace it with 'younger people who'.
4. In paragraph 4, what do you mean by "If the research is compiled information with comprehensive"? If I understand you correctly, you probably mean 'If research compiles the information comprehensively'.
5. At the end of paragraph 4 and at the beginning of paragraph 5, you wrote 'young generation'. The correct set phrase is' younger generation '.
Also, I really have a hard time understanding what you're trying to say in your conclusion paragraph.
I hope these suggestions will help you prepare better for IELTS writing. I'm looking forward to seeing your improvement in your next essay.
Have a nice day! | Sunny0629 | Jan 1, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/regarding-world-becoming-popular-research-94026/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor.***
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In recent years, it has become far more normal for people with health problems not to visit their normal doctor as much as use alternative medicines and treatments. In my opinion, this trend has brought both benefits and drawbacks.
The trend toward using medicines or kinds of cure is gaining in the light of several factors, chief of which is convenience and speed of solving health issues. Patients can look for information about their health problems and treatments on the Internet without wasting time, money to hospitals or clinics. For instance, only by clicking and tapping on the electronic devices, numerous results about health issues will be displayed, people easily find and choose suitable remedies and treatments. Furthermore, this is likely to make people become more active in following and swiftly solving their health issues.
Besides the aforementioned advantages, I do believe that the rising popularity of using alternative medicines and cures rather than visiting doctors also has negative things. When patients go to hospital or private clinics, they can receive good professional advice from their doctor. If people find out about treatments by themselves or use functional products, they will be able to face up to risk. By contrast, there is hardly any risk in doctor's prescriptions. The quality of human's health will drop when myriad people with health issues who don't have major knowledge use alternative medicines and treatments by themselves.
In short, the increase of people who have health problems using alternative medicines and treatments instead of going to clinics is not totally positive or negative. | hoaflth | Jan 2, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/using-alternative-medicines-treatments-94036/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer was on point with his topic rewording. It was close to the ouginal even though the sentence structure is incorrect. Never combine 2 sets of information in one sentence. That is definitely a deduction point. Then, the writer did not provide a clear single opinion for the presentation. Since the option given for the discussion was "or", it is a single opinion indicator. He may only discuss both options in response to a comparative writing instruction such as "discuss both views". As the actual prompt question was not properly responded to, the writer will be given a score based upon an unclear opinion.
Partial scores will then be provided throughout because of the incorrect response format. A situation that will prevent the essay from possibly receiving a passing score. This is because the writer has shown evidence of poor English comprehension skills based upon the way he misunderstood and wrongly responded to the prompt question.
These are worrisome reasons that require immediate attention. While his discussions are acceptable, there were not applicable to the discussion format. Familiarization with Task 2 writing prompts in necessary. | Holt | Jan 2, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/using-alternative-medicines-treatments-94036/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I didn't find any grammatical mistakes in your paper. Great!
Your section structure is reasonable, but it should be noted that informal acronym like **'don't'** are not accepted in academic papers such as IELTS writing. You can change it to **'do not'**.
I hope my answer will be helpful to you. Have a nice day! | Sunny0629 | Jan 2, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/using-alternative-medicines-treatments-94036/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Scientific research should be carried out by the governments rather than private companies***
## agree or disagree?
Some people enunciate the idea that government should be supervised and handled by the authority rather than private companies. I concur with this opinion because the government can have profound positive impacts on the development of the project.
On the other hand, the government makes the research project more stable and more controlled. For example, the government can cooperate with different countries to expand the plan. For instance, to find the radical solution of safety protection for experimental characters. Both countries will help each other to resolve the issues. A private company can't take care of them. Secondly, only the government can have the power to spend enormous financial assistance on various scientific projects and compensate pf damage.
Another option could be that the goal of the government in conducting research is the benefits the people If the scientific project back by private enterprise. It just cares about the marketing strategies. It will do illegal research for their purpose.
In conclusion, I agree with the idea of putting the scientific research carried out by the government so that success, accuracy, and applicability can be secured. | Huynguyen123232 | Jan 2, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/government-supervised-handled-authority-94038/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A task 2 essay assesses the everyday English vocabulary of the test taker. While having a wide vocabulary is good for the LR score, the use of advanced, profession specific vocabulary tends to lower the LR score so using
enunciate
and
concur
did not help the essay score. It does not feel natural to read these words in an everyday conversational essay. Ordinary word usage would have scored better. Never atsome that this is a vocabulary knowledge test because it is not. Other than that, the restatement and opinion presentation works well. The response format is correct.
The use of
On the other hand
is only applicable when writing comparative essays. That is because the paired phrases (On the one hand) go hand in hand in individual paragraph development. It cannot be properly used in a single opinion essay. Regardless, the reasoning paragraphs are properly targeted and presented.
can't
Always spell out the whole word to avoid GRA scoredowns due to the use of contractions. An academically unacceptable writing practice.
the conclusion would have worked better if it had followed the 2 sentence, 40 word format instead of this run-on sentence. It just doesn't allow for proper sentence style mixing for GRA benefits. | Holt | Jan 2, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/government-supervised-handled-authority-94038/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There are some grammatical mistakes in your paper:
1.the article before the noun cannot be omitted, so it is better to put an article like 'the' before the noun 'government'.
2.And in the last sentence of the second paragraph, perhaps accidentally, did this 'pf' mean 'for'?
3.In the third paragraph, should it be 'scientific project' supported by 'private enterprise' instead of 'scientific project' supported 'private enterprise'? So the verb 'back' should be in the passive form 'be done', and it's better to change it to 'is backed'.
4.this "the" in the last sentence of the third paragraph can be deleted. After all, you are not referring to a particular marketing strategy, and you cannot add the definite article if you are not referring to it.
And your paper is too short. IELTS task 2 requires at least 250 words.
In fact, your grammar mistakes are relatively few, you will become better after some preparation. Have a nice day! | Sunny0629 | Jan 2, 2023 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/government-supervised-handled-authority-94038/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the transformation of shopping
***In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby.***
In recent days, shopping is not considered as a responsibility anymore. Otherwise, it has increasingly become a leisure activity that people are really into. I do believe that this transformation has its pros and cons as two sides of a coin.
There are many compelling reasons why shopping became ubiquitous pastime for people in all ages. Initially, this activity can cheer people up. It is undeniable that purchasing something new makes we feel blissful and fulfill. For example, spending money on shopping does wonders for our mood whenever we are down. Moreover, shopping time is quality time for family to gather every weekends. In fact, many people have to work from dusk till dawn to bring home bacon, resulting less together time with beloved ones. We can witness that there are numerous family or couples spend their weekends shopping around in shopping malls.
On the other hand, shopping adversely affects people who are obsessed with shopping all over the world. It is true that shopping will be a positive habit if we can take its advantages. Nevertheless, it may cause us get into huge debt because of spending recklessly for inessentials. Another negative results of this tendency is the effect it has on youngsters, who spend time on shopping centers with their friends instead of in school or library, for instance. Shopping is a time as well as money consuming, so it will be better for them to try healthier habits such as learning a sport or travelling.
In conclusion, while the potential advantages of shopping make it seem like a good idea, I suppose that this hobby does not completely benefit for consumers. We should mull over before purchasing things to avoid financially and mentally draining. | lyphung | Jan 4, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/recent-days-shopping-considered-94047/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay will immediately receive a failing preliminary score. The writer has not followed the writing instruction as provided. He actually changed the writing instruction from the orginal single opinion essay to a comparative discussion instruction. While the writer did provide an opinion, it is not the correct or expected opinion presentation. Therefore, the writer has not fulfilled the major TA requirements. Receiving a non-passing score so early in the assessment process will definitely be a huge stumbling block to this essay receiving a passing score in the end.
Also unhelpful to the overall incorrect discussion format is the incorrect concluding summary as well. The writer presented an uncertain opinion that does not relate at all to the original discussion. This created an additional unacceptable and incorrect discussion conclusion. I am afraid this essay will definitely get a failing score.
In order to avoid future problems with response writing, the writer should learn the difference between the single opinion and comparative discussion prompts. That should be easy to identify using the following reminders:
Single Opinion:
- Do you agree or disagree
- To what extent ...
- Give your opinion and provide examples
Comparison:
- Discuss the advantage or disadvantage
- What are the pros and cons
- Discuss both views and give your opinion
These are the more commonly used writing instructions that can help the writer tell the difference in response styles. | Holt | Jan 4, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/recent-days-shopping-considered-94047/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## percentage of deaths by gender due to the covid-19 disease
The bar chart visualizes Covid-19 diseases attack both sexes, and the majority of people dying because of it are men rather than women in several countries. Overall, men in Italy and Denmark are far higher dying than women due to Covid-19 diseases, while Danish women are the least ones dying compared to other countries in Europe and Asia.
Initially, albeit just under a half of men in France experience death, Italian and Danish men remain the highest dying among other countries because of Covid-19 infection, accounting for 71%. While women in France dying have nearly the same huge percentage as the Iranian women, taking up well under fifty.
Moreover, both men and women citizens in China have dying cases with similar trend data to Portugal at 64% and 36% respectively. Meanwhile, the rate of women in Italy and Denmark have the same dying cases at around 29%. This is also happening to women in Spain and Germany where they get Covid-19 symptoms until they die with approximately 35%
* | zeed22 | Jan 1, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/men-dying-covid-women-94027/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While the word count was properly met in the presentation, the correct page formatting was not applied so formatting dedu,ctions will need to be reflected in the score. Sentence structuring is also off based on incorrect grammar, punctuation and confusing thought presentations. GRA deductions could very well result in an overall failing score for the essay at this point. Incomplete explanations and paragraph writing will have even higher Negative scoring effects. A paragraph is partially completed with 3 sentences. It is fully developed with 5 sentences.
The writer has done his best to provide a proper analysis of the information. He has the ability to pick-out pertinent information for presentation. Based on this ability, he just needs to further develop his written discussion skills. He must strive to write 300 words to achieve his target band score or, get close to it. I look forward to guiding his progress over the coming days. | Holt | Jan 1, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/men-dying-covid-women-94027/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Guitar Makes a Comeback to Pop Music
The guitar is making a comeback to popular music. As of recent, there have been many people learning guitar. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, people have picked up the guitar as a new hobby. And some are also starting to write songs. As of late, many songs in the charts today have a lot more guitar use in songs than ever in years. Genres in the past, such as rock and country, have a significant amount of guitar playing, but pop music has recently lacked guitars. However, more and more guitars have been used in many hit songs in the past couple of years.
In the decades, the age of mainstream pop music dropped into two categories: guitar, sound, and bass groups or singers supported by the conventional orchestra. Since early in this period, it was common for pop producers, songwriters, and engineers to freely experiment with rhythmic structure, instrumentation, artificial reverb, and different sound effects. Some best-known instances are Phil Spector's wall of sound and Joe Meek's usage of homemade electronic results in performances like The Tornados. Simultaneously, pop music on the radio in American and British cinema went from sophisticated metal to more unconventional songwriting and integrated reverb-drenched rock guitar, symphonic strings, and trumpets played by groups of decently ordered and rehearsed working musicians.
Sound has been around for some years, and it's not going out soon. You get sounds from The Beatles and The Who, and even their music is still equally warm today as it was back when it was first released. Still, there have also been some rappers and artists that get taken as "cheesy pop" today. Cheesy sound isn't as terrible as it sounds though it puts a lot into doubt when establishing sound as a challenging and excellent music style. Some popular music is reasonable and provides a lot, but worse. Some artists hit this mark in the music industry and made it the standout and standard field of music.
Nevertheless, some artists have butchered this pop culture and haven't gotten the best of their talents. It occurs, but this doesn't wish to have pop music isn't great music because it is. Remember, sound's been about for decades, and it's growing stronger by this time. Therefore, there exist so many who see sound as the stable house of the music business.
Three categories that I think can help my essay are attention to detail, coherency, and avoid repetition. Attention to detail helps to get my point across because I know that there are some details I am missing throughout the draft. But with some time, that can help immensely. Coherency because I know sometimes, I can write multiple lines and it would still be one sentence. I would say I should try to separate sentences or make smaller sentences instead of making one gargantuan sentence that wouldn't make sense in the end. And avoiding repetition would help a lot because I know that I repeat a lot of information, so avoiding it as much as I could help enormously. | Eddward | Jan 1, 2023 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/guitar-makes-comeback-pop-music-94024/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay would also benefit from more popular song mentions in relation to guitar use a rhythm basis. You are assuming too much that the person reading this paper will have a music background. That may notalways be the case. Always consider the non-musician point of view who may need some hand holding or simpler explanations to understand the article. Try to use more recent popular composer references and song titles. That way the reader can pretty much hear what you are talking about in his head, leading to an easier understanding of your writing purpose. You already mentioned the technical aspects of writing you need to address so I do not need to repeat those mentions. What I can add, is that you need to better reference your source material in the sections were taken from other sources. The paper badly needs in-text citations and referencing based on the required writing style. | Holt | Jan 1, 2023 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/guitar-makes-comeback-pop-music-94024/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
This is my practice for the IELTS Writing Task 2
***Nowadays, many university students choose to study overseas for part or all of their courses.
Some people say this should be encouraged because it is beneficial for students and the universities they attend.
## Do you agree or disagree with this view?***
Answer:
It is common for university students who desire different learning experiences to study abroad, and the advantages it brought are highly valued by some. I completely agree with the opinion that overseas education should be promoted from the perspectives of students and universities.
Students who study abroad for a semester or a few years can be benefited in several different ways. For those who spend a semester abroad, they can have access to academic resources that couldn't be obtained at their home university. For example, architecture students who are interested in flood risk adaptation may join a laboratory or take courses at a university in the Netherlands, where the most innovative technologies and research related to this topic come from. Furthermore, studying at a foreign university means meeting classmates from diverse cultural backgrounds. Students could enhance their ability of cross-cultural communication by exchanging opinions and discussing in class. Lastly, if students are dedicated to obtaining a foreign degree by spending 4 years in another country, for instance, they will not only grow intellectually. They may leave their comfort zone and learn how to settle down in a totally new environment, and therefore gain experience in tackling numerous obstacles in life independently.
When universities are welcoming students from a variety of countries, they can also take advantage in two aspects. Firstly, it is crucial for the university to pursue cultural diversity nowadays in the context of globalization. Receiving foreign students could lead to a more international academic environment that fosters new ideas, while local students mingle with people and knowledge from all over the world. Secondly, universities can improve the quality of students by accommodating talented students from other countries. If there are more motivated and intelligent foreign students, it thus becomes a valuable chance for the university to advertise itself on the global education stage.
In conclusion, it is certain that an international academic environment benefits both the students and schools for learning and generating knowledge if overseas education is encouraged. | chlyee | Dec 31, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/ietls-encouraging-studying-overseas-94017/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Do not alter the orginal discussion foundation by presenting your opinion in the first paragraph that will make it fail the prompt restatement requirements. The paragraph is expected to state the given discussion points using as close a synonym as possible to represent the original idea. You did not actually do that in the first half of the paragraph. By immediately discussing your opinion, the examiner will have to partially lower the score for that section. Something that will not be good when the sectional scores are added up.
The writer's opinion will also get a lower score because of the incorrect presentation format. There are times when an emotional and measured response in needed, as in the case of an extent question. This is just a simple discussion format so the examiner will not appreciate the exaggerated response. Follow the instructions without alterations. Any changes you make, no matter how simple means lower scores for you.
You did a good job in the discussion part though. Strong reasons were convincingly explained and defended. The writing was well connected in the paragraphs. In fact, the explanations came across as too long for the ceriling requirements. If the examiner overlooks that, then you did a good job in the explanatory portion.
That said, the essay is over written. 333 words may not be completed within 40 minutes. Based on your writing sample, I know you can write a better version. One even more developed within 275-300 words which normally result in a higher overall test score. | Holt | Dec 31, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/ietls-encouraging-studying-overseas-94017/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The structure of your writing is good. You have an argument and example in both paragraphs. However, you put too many examples in one section and your argument is not strong enough to convince. | tuanb2610 | Dec 31, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/ietls-encouraging-studying-overseas-94017/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the ages of the populations of oman and spain
The given circle charts give information about population age ratios in 2005 and predictions for 2055 in two different countries namely Oman and Spain.
Overall, the initial impression is that both surveyed countries recorded the top proportion of the aging population in 2005, and a similar pattern is projected for the future in 2055. Moreover, while the rate of people who belong to the working age bracket predicted tends to upswing the opposite was true for children under working age.
In 2005, Oman witnessed parity in the percentage of people of retirement age and children under working age at 48%. Meanwhile, owning the last place is the rate of Omanis of working age with only 4%. At the same time, the proportion of those who were in their 60s or older also took up the overwhelming majority of Spain's population. This nation's children under minors and those aged 15 to 59 accounted for the lower share of 14% and just under the quarter respectively.
Predictive data accurately half a century later revealed a downswing trend in the under-14s and a growth in the working-age population. More specifically, the decline in the underage group in Oman is more than one in ten, the figure for Spain is much smaller, just 2%.In opposition, the share of the age bracket between 15 and 59 in both countries tends to rise with a slight increase of 2% in Oman and a dramatic growth at nearly one-fifth in Spain. Concurrently, the rate of older in Oman is predicted to increase by just under a tenth to 57% during the figure rapidly decreases by about one-sixth in Spain. However, that is still the largest proportion compared to the other two age bracket.
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*topic*
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*pie chart* | HanNguyen4869 | Dec 19, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/oman-spain-population-age-ratios-predictions-93966/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Kindly use accurate terminology when describing the provided image. While circle charts are an acceptable alternative descriptor, it is not a proper academic reference. While it is often advised that synonyms be used, restating the original image reference will be better accepted and scored.
It is also imperative that long sentences containing 2 subject ideas be avoided. Run on sentences such as the first one in this presentation will result in reduced GRA scores. More information such as the measurement type is also needed in the summary overview paragraph.
Word count is also a problem in this essay. 293 words can only be written using a 40 minute time allowance. Since this task only has a 20 minute allotment, it will be best to write only 175-200 words. Remember not to use the essay as a vocabulary exercise because that is how these essays fail. Incorrect word usage and overly long sentences will produce more scoring errors. That is exactly the reason why this essay would get a failing score had this been a real test. The advanced vocabulary used does not match the actual vocabulary level or range of the writer. The essay is confusing to read due to the word usage mistakes. Failing scores will be given in all scoring considerations. From the TA to the GRA presentation, the writer did not do a good job.
Consider at least reading task essay examples at this forum to get a better idea as to how to write task 1 essays. That way you improve your writing abilities and learn from the mistakes made by other exam takers who participated in this forum. | Holt | Dec 19, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/oman-spain-population-age-ratios-predictions-93966/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
- "Predictive data accurately half a century later " this phrase is so long and vague => You should change into "Predicted data"
- " the given circle charts" ==> the given pie charts is more accurate
- instead of give, you could use depict, indicate.
- "Moreover, while the rate...working age" ==> comma should be placed the opposite data. | nataliely | Dec 19, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/oman-spain-population-age-ratios-predictions-93966/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## **The graph below shows the percentage of population in cities since 1970s with projection to 2030.**
The given line chart compares the proportion of people living in cities in 4 countries, namely USA, Korea, China and India, from 1970 to the prediction in 2030.
Overall, the city population in all nations was on an increase and continuously was predicted to grow up till the end of the period. It also can be seen that the USA and Korea had a greater percentage of city residents compared to China and India.
In 1970, the figure for cities population rate in the USA and Korea was 70% and 40% respectively, which was much higher than that of China and India with the same rate at 20%. After 20 years, the USA, Korea and India saw an increase in the percentage of people who live in cities to over 80%, over 70% and 30% respectively, while China still remained at 20%.
In the rest of this period, the percentage of Koreans living in cities dramatically rose to nearly 90% in 2020 and was predicted to be the same as that of Americans in 2030. The cities population ratio in China also experienced a significant increase to nearly 70% in 2030, while that in India just slightly rose and was a half of China at nearly 40%. | yenvoo | Dec 22, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-population-cities-93976/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A clear summary overview will depend upon the number of sentences used to enumerate the graph information. That means the use of individual sentences to indicate each bit of information will score much better in terms of C+C and GRA than a single sentence composed of 3 information presentations. Rather than scoring up, it will result in a score down due to run-on sentence structuring and lack of clear idea presentation.
Incorrect tense usage will also prove to be a score reducing factor in the GRA and C+C section since the end depiction for the trending presentation depends on a future rather than past projection. The final measurement basis is in 2030. It should use a future year prediction format.
The consistent use of run - on sentences, 2 sentences per paragraph, and limited use of punctuation marks will further reduce the scores in each related section. A proper paragraph has 3-5 sentences present within it.
While the writer did his best to compare the information, this was not done to the extent that actual analytical comparisons were done. He only repeated information as seen without analysis.
I am afraid this is a poorly developed essay that might not receive a passing score. | Holt | Dec 22, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-population-cities-93976/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**"was on an increase and continuously was predicted to grow"** in the second paragraph should be rewritten short and simple. It also had the redundancy fault while having the same meaning word: increase and grow up in the same sentences. It could be rewrite as "Overall, the city population globally was predicted to increase continuously till the end of the period". By reducing the flappy words, your C+C will more direct.
In the third paragraph, the writer just mention the statistics without any analysis. Besides, the writer should enlarge the number of sentence in each paragraph to 3 or 4 sentences to fulfill the mark cretiria of the examiner. | hanablaaaa | Dec 22, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-population-cities-93976/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
- You use some words many time.
+ increase : rise / a rise, climb/ a climb, grow/ a growth, rocket to.
- "was on an increase and continuously was predicted to grow" : this sentence is vague and difficult to understand. You should delete the word continuously.
- paragraph 3 should contain some comparison, not just mentioning. | nataliely | Dec 22, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-population-cities-93976/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## not healthy today's lifestyle compared to the past
The circumstances during the previous century were relatively more healthful than at present, I have to concur. The rapid technological advancements, urbanization and digitalization have negatively impacted the average person's physical and psychological health. In the following essay I aim to substantiate the phenomenon by incorporating the current affairs into the arguments with the help of several examples revolving around today's status quo in comparison with the past.
Paradoxically, higher living standards, access to efficient services or appliances have led to an increase in rates of illness. For starters, there used to be far more residents in the countryside ,where there were salubrious places with fresh air, conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Today the majority has moved out to urban areas in search of more economic opportunities and high-paying jobs. As rational as it may seem, the mass relocation to the cities have plenty of drawbacks: more dwellings have been built to satisfy the need for accommodation, and on top of that, metropolises are notorious for noisy traffic, polluted air, and unhealthy lifestyle; In consequence of modern conditions having greatly reduced the number of inhabitants in rural regions, cities are in turn burdened with the effects: overpopulation which has resulted in high demand for excessive construction of buildings, requiring different measures of government expenditure, such as deforestation, which causes loss of vegetation and lowers the environmental quality. More and more citizens spread bacteria
Then, the emergence of electronic equipment has brought about improvement in automobile parts, manufacturing industries have created commodities that have definitely not been ecological, whereas in the past, cars were not in constant use and in such large circulation.
In addition, if we take a look at documentaries, speeches and performances recorded back then, we can see how much fitter the general audience-our ancestors used to be. Because of said industries above, a rather unfortunate shift, namely in the food technologies has occurred. Before now stores mainly provided wholesome produce or homemade pastry, but companies and large-scale businesses have come out to the forefront and the production of natural food of high nutritional value has been pushed in the back corner. Citizens are tempted easily because of fast-paced life, by product placements in commercials and massive sale of them in the streets to allow themselves to gorge on junk food without care about what it does to their body, which again exacerbates the situation. Lastly, I wish to touch upon how the current century has made our lives unhealthier in other aspects of life: internet has been deleterious to optical health and has made our lives sedentary and adynamic: if before children played outside, they have got video games for which no physical activity is necessary; relationships have switched to digital as well, which is psychologically harmful. Thus, the striking contrast between society's life before and now in terms of clean, sanitary conditions and healthful dietary habits of the average human of today's erais manifest in a vast number of perspectives, including moving to the cities where the air is polluted, constructing more buildings which hinders plant growth and is a corollary to viruses being spread, eating junk food, etc. | Zhani | Dec 23, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/life-unhealthier-past-century-agree-93983/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
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