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The essay is over-written. It is not possible to write a 368 word essay within 40 minutes. Not when the writer is required to make sure that the essay is concise, without grammatical errors, and proofread for perfection prior to submission. Do not just keep writing for the sake of writing. That is how most exam takers fail this test. The idea is to show how well you can express yourself in a quick and coherent manner. This is not a test of how many English words you know. It is the focus on vocabulary made the writer develop the wrong writing format for this essay.
For starters, he does not need to vouch for the validity of the discussion since it is not a required aspect of the discussion. Where an alteration of the statement exists, a prompt deviation deduction will be applied. So, the writer will already start the test with a failing score. Then, he does not respond directly to the questions provided, which means the discussion foundation or idea presentation is missing, causing the full paragraph to fail for not meeting the Task Accuracy requirements for the prompt restatement + writer's opinion paragraph.
The writer is also hyper focusing on explaining only the first part of the discussion in every paragraph. The minute he has to develop an explanation for his second idea presentation, he runs out of discussion points and ends up creating an under developed paragraph instead. This is precisely why he should not focus on word usage, but rather, on a developed idea presentation, using only necessary words to get his message across.
Overall, this is a highly verbose, but not well developed essay so it will definitely have scoring problems in an actual test setting. | Holt | Nov 28, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/high-population-density-happening-93876/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## The proportion of smokers in british society
The table gives information about the proportion of males and females who smoked in Britain during the period 1970 to 2000.
It is clear that the proportion of smokers in males was higher than in females in Britain. From 1970 to 2000, the figures increased significantly. However, the proportion of males who smoked underwent more considerable growth.
The percentage of smokers in males was 10% in 1970 in Britain. After that, the figure rose dramatically and reached the highest point of 37% in 1985. Following that, this proportion fell gradually, which declined by 9% from 37% to 28% between 1985 and 2000.
The proportion of males who smoke was smallest in 1970, at 5%. Over the period of 20 years, the percentage grew substantially and reach a peak at 37% in 1990 and then overtook the figure for females. Finally, males saw a decrease in the proportion of smokers by 10% (from 37% to 27%) from 1990 to 2000, which was similar to the percentage of males.
* | Luana1017 | Nov 28, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-smokers-males-females-93875/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There is an inconsistency in the summary overview. The image depicts the measurements in percentage form based on half decade measurements. These information should be made clear in the summary overview prior to the collective time coverage reference.
Sentence stucturing is a problem in the trending paragraph. It is difficult to make sense out of the current format. If written as:
*From 1970 to 2000, the figures increased significantly for the proportion of male smokers. This was indicative of the proportion of smokers in males being higher than in females in Britain.*
the sentence would have been more coherent and concise in presentation, thus making it a higher scoring trend, which could have been merged with the summary for maximum TA impact.
Why is the focus always only on the male smokers? The female measurements should be properly discussed and represented as well. It is possible that the writer, who did not bother to proof read his work, also referred to the females as males in the next paragraph. A wrong interpretation that will result in a failing score for this essay since the analysis is faulty and will affect the validity of the C+C explanations. | Holt | Nov 28, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-smokers-males-females-93875/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## water used for different purposes
The charts below illustrate the proportion of the use of water in several areas of the world in three categories.
Based on the chart, agricultural use is the largest for the majority of the water used in South America, Africa, and Asia areas from 71 % up to 88%.
The purposes of water used are almost the same in the Africa and Asia areas. The percentages in agricultural use are the main purposes in those areas up to over 80%. Besides, the use in industrial and domestic are under 10% except for the domestic use in South East Asia has slightly different to the other.
By contrast, the used water in Europe and North America is reflected in the same purposes. The used water in industrial contribute the largest part of the water used in Europe and North America on average around 50% and over 30% of water is used in agricultural use and domestic use only shares 13-15% in total.
* | Yukizuna | Nov 18, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-use-water-several-areas-world-93841/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer has not specifically identified the type of image that was provided in the report. This will result in an inaccurate summary of information. The type of image is required as a part of the task accuracy consideration for that paragraph. Therefore, the type of image and number of images must be provided at the start of the presentation as it serves as the basis for the succeeding information. Since the reader is assumed to not have any copy of the image, the proper image presentation will help the reader create the required mental image for a better understanding of the image yet to be provided and analyzied.
A summary overview also requires a minimum of 3 sentences. This is often achieved by properly summarizing the notable information and then working in the trending assessment into the same first paragraph. That way the reader will be given a comprehensive summary of the notable information.
There is no real trending statement provided in this essay. A trending statement cannot contain actual numerical data from the images as it is to represent an assessment of information rather than an actual analytical report.
The reporting paragraphs would have been clearer if it indicated how the water was used per area first. That would make it a proper topic anchor and introduction sentence. Allowing the reader to better follow the discussion going forward into the reading. | Holt | Nov 18, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-use-water-several-areas-world-93841/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think you should not use the phrase "based on the chart" cause it can make the readers feel unnatural as they are forced to look at the graph. In this case, "overall" might be better. | DanielDang | Nov 18, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-use-water-several-areas-world-93841/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Always put overall or a similar to word to point out an overview of the statement as it will make it easier for the reader to understand.
You can also name the places in the paraphrased initial prompt as it will both increase your word count and be considered a good paraphrase.
"The used water in industrial (...)" Is best split in parts as it creates confusion rather than complexity of grammar. | Matt1313 | Nov 18, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-use-water-several-areas-world-93841/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
In my opinion, you ought to write "pie charts" in lieu of writing only "charts". Additionally, it is a greater idea to write "Overall" instead of "Based on the chart", which is non-essentially long. | ditmemay | Nov 18, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-use-water-several-areas-world-93841/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think you should not use the word "below" in introduction part because when you take real ielts exem, you will not draw chart in your writing.
When you write overall, you should write more than 1 sentence and don't add data in this part. | Luana1017 | Nov 18, 2022 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/proportion-use-water-several-areas-world-93841/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***The pie charts illustrate the percentage of nutrients combined by Americans that could be unhealthy if they ate too much***
## Summarise information from the charts
Overall, looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the amount of sodium and saturated fat was predominantly consumed at dinner which was eaten in snacks
In the first graph, the figure for sodium was the highest consumption for dinner is 43% and then breakfast and snacks had the same number that is 14%. Besides, lunch where has 29% of sodium. In the next graph, 37% of fat was used in dinner while this number was only 21% and 16% respectively, snacks and breakfast. There 26% of fat was seen in lunch
In the third graph, the amount of sugar was mostly used in snacks, whereas in breakfast, it had 16%. In addition, the figure for sugar which was used in lunch had 19% and 25% for dinner
*
*Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where r* | studyingwithjane | Nov 27, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/three-unhealthy-nutrients-american-daily-menu-93872/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay falls one word short of the 150 word requirement. As such, it will receive automatic deductions for being short of the presentation requirement and what is obviously a problematic analytical report. The writer was just too careless while writing this report. The evidence of which can be found in how he started the opening paragraph with a lower case word. The basic rule is that the first word of every sentence, regardless of paragraph number or position, should always be capitalized. Add to that the lack of proper punctuation mark usage and it becomes clear that the writer just did not care to double check his presentation just in case. The way this essay is structured, it appears that the writer does not care if he passes or fails the test.
The summary overview was incomplete and not even inclusive of the correct highlightable information. The trending statement asks the reader to look at the graph, when the indication for this task is to present the information in an imaginative manner since the reader does not have a copy of the report or image on hand.
I have pointed out only a few of the errors in this essay that will definitely prevent it from receiving a passing score. A comprehensive review of the mistakes in this presentation will simply be too long at this point. However, I have pointed out the most important aspects for improvement that, when corrected will show an immediate positive writing atyle change for the student. | Holt | Nov 27, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/three-unhealthy-nutrients-american-daily-menu-93872/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## school site diagrams
The stride of an unknown school site from 2004 to 2024 is illustrated in the two maps given.
Overall, there will be some amelioration taking place in the school site over twenty years with the most significant change in the number of students.
In greater detail, there will be 1,000 students studying in the school whereabouts, which will be 400 students greater than it was in 2004. In terms of the west, the road, the driveway and the main entrance will be retained their functions and positions. In addition, a path will be constructed so that School Building 1 and 2 can be linked at the expense of dwindling the length of a path which used to be connected with the main entrance.
As far as the others are concerned, sundry plants will be chopped down to make room for another car park adjacent to the newly-set-up School Buiding 3 in the east of the location which will be engaged with a newly-built road. Finally, the sport field will be narrowed and re-positioned at the side of Car Park 2.
* | ditmemay | Nov 27, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/diagrams-show-site-school-plan-changes-93871/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Do not focus on word usage alone. There are several instances in this presentation when the word choice is incorrect or inapplicable to the sentence. These errors create problems since the paragraph becomes incoherent to the reader. I understand that the writer is trying to get a good LR score, but when the word meaning does not fit the representation, this attempt will only succeed in leading to a failing score in that section.
The writer has not provided a clear summary overview and the discussions are also lost in terms of coherent and cohesive representation. Information that is necessary, such as the year representations, proper paragraph comparisons, and individual paragraph explanations are not well threshed out in this essay. As such, the writer created an under developed reporting analysis. I believe this error was caused by his lack of outlining and drafting his presentation. The writer just wrote on the fly and hoped that it would result in a passing score, which it will not. | Holt | Nov 27, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/diagrams-show-site-school-plan-changes-93871/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## world forest - the pie charts
The given pie charts compare the proportion of forest in five different continents as well as the production of timber in each region.
Overall, the forests in Africa accounted for the largest proportion of the world's forest while the smallest forest coverage is found in Asia. Additionally, timber produced in North America holds the greatest share of the world's timber whereas the opposite is true for Africa.
In terms of forests, North America and Africa take up the vast majority of forests in the world, at 25% and 27% respectively. The percentage of forest that South America, Europe, and Asia make up is almost the same, at 16%, 18%, and 14% respectively.
According to the second pie chart, around 30% of the world's timber output comes from North America. Despite having the largest proportion of forest, Africa constitutes a negligible amount of timber, at only 9%. Meanwhile, timber in South America, Asia, and Europe comprise 23%, 18%, and 20% of the world's timber.
* | tea555 | Nov 19, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-give-information-world-forest-five-93843/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Always remember that the number of images provided helps to add to the accuracy of the short form information presentation. That means, do not just identify these as pie charts, indicate 2 pie charts. Then use a different sentence to identify the information being provided per chart. That way the reader will know how to divide the information based upon the summarized information. Additionally, oen should never use a single sentence for the summary overview. While this may be presented within 2 sentences, it would be better to blend that into the trending discussion, rather than presenting the trend as a stand alone presentation. The summary overview needs to be at 5 sentences long maximum anyway. Maximize the TA scoring potential for the first paragraph at all times by using the correct presentation format.
The essay could have been better analyzed if the writer opted to write at least 3 sentences, as required, for each analytical paragraph. Since this is 2 image presentation, the discussion could have even been extended to a 200 word count composed of a 4 paragraph presentation. The current presentation is not going to be considered fully developed, analyzed, or explained. It is not going to get a good C+C score in the end because of this. | Holt | Nov 19, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-give-information-world-forest-five-93843/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
"world's forest while the" there needs to be a comma before while in this situation.
You pointed out that 14% 16% 18% is almost the same while no such comparison is made in others . Best if you put the words similar rather than same in here.
Vocabulary is not as varied as it should be. | Matt1313 | Nov 19, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-give-information-world-forest-five-93843/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There is insigficant repetition in your essay in terms of words and the first body of the passage is slightly shorter than the overview. | ditmemay | Nov 19, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-give-information-world-forest-five-93843/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the policy of taxing private car owners
In order to deal with the current dense volume of traffic, the Vietnamese government suggests a policy in which private car owners should be charged a high fee to improve public transportation. This policy would lead to certain benefits such as reducing traffic density and improving air quality but there are also drawbacks such as causing inconveniences due to the unavailability of public transportation.
On the one hand, the policy would help reduce traffic density and improve air quality. This is because when people are charged a high fee every time they use their cars, they only use them when it is necessary or when they are in emergencies, which would cut down on the number of cars at one time, particularly during rush hours, and ease the traffic density. Additionally, some would choose public transportation for remote purposes instead to avoid paying the tax. This, thus, ends up lower the amount of CO2 emitted into the environment and boosts the overall air quality of the country.
On the other hand, the policy may cause several certain inconveniences due to the unavailability of public transportation. Many areas in Vietnam do not have access to public transportation. Therefore, some can be placed in a situation where they do not have any choice but to use their private cars. For example, one lives in a small town that doesn't have any bus stop or train stations. He/she has to use his/her private car to go to work and pay a heavy tax for using car. However, he/she doesn't have a chance to use public transportation and save money spent on the tax like others, which is quite unfair for him/her.
In conclusion, the policy of taxing private car owners to improve public transportation can help alleviate the volume of traffic and air pollution in Vietnam. Nonetheless, this also leads to some inconveniences because of the unavailability of public transportation. To enhance the efficiency of the policy, the government should widen the public transportation system first to make sure everyone can access them. | AngieNguyen17 | Nov 25, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/tax-private-car-owners-improve-public-93862/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer will do well to remember that a task 2 essay scores the accuracy of the information provided when compared to the original topic presentation. The first discussion version uses a general government reference. Therefore, the writer should not have represented this as a Vietnamese government proposal in the interpretation. This creates a prompt inaccuracy since the topic basis has been altered from the original reference. This is an error that will cause deductions in the TA section in relation to prompt restatement considerations. However, the appropriateness of the comparative response will somewhat offset that deduction. It is a very strong writer's general opinion with thesis statement declaration.
When writing in the English language, there is no need to use both genders in the presentation. The default gender for English writing is always in the male form. Therefore simply stating "he" and its variations thereof will be sufficient enough to get a good GRA score. The current format being used is confusing as it tries to refer to both genders, creating a confusion in the reference presentation.
The reasons presented are sound but lacking in convincing power due to the lack of proper example in reference to the discussion. An example needs to be clearly referenced as a final result of the suggested discussion. Without it, the solid foundation of the explanation does not really exist.
As for the concluding summary, it will also receive lower TA points due to the same reasons previously stated. The focus of the discussion is a general government, not Vietnam. It should always be reflected as such.
While there are a few problems in the presentation, I believe that the other scoring considerations could help this essay achieve a passing TA score but not higher than a low passing mark due to the observed problems with the presentation. This is a good start. The writer shows that he at least has sufficient English comprehension skills and at least an intermediate grasp of the word usage. | Holt | Nov 25, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/tax-private-car-owners-improve-public-93862/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## money handling BY ADOLESCENS
There exist conflicting opinions about educating children about money handling in family. Some hold the view that kids are not mature enough to completely realize money's importance while others believe it is still of the essence for them to be equipped with money management skills in the formative years. From my perspective, I agree with the latter as long as suitable steps are taken.
To begin with, it is integral for children to learn to use money wisely. First off, there is no doubt that habits nurtured from an early age will accompany children for the remaining of their lives. Since formative years are the stage of life when kids obtain knowledge quickly and undergo cognitive development, it is apparent that children are more inquisitive and eager to explore new things. Therefore, when given parental guidance on using money, they tend to follow and remember better, which forms proper money management habits in the long run. Additionally, gaining financial understanding in childhood contributes to nourishing various vital qualities in children. This can be explained by the fact that should they be exposed to money, they can apprehend such hard work required to make that money. As a result, the chances are that they adopt gratitude towards their parents and become smart spendors in the future.
However, as mentioned, educating children about managing money bears fruit provided the methods are used properly. Parents should focus on teaching their offspring about the value of money by rewarding them with a small amount of money for their finished tasks. Conversely, such ways like making them tight with money should be avoided since they can turn children into miserly and materialistic ones.
In conclusion, for the aforementioned arguments, it is essential for parents to equip their offspring with money management skills but with proper methods. | nobrand | Nov 24, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/teaching-children-manage-money-meaning-life-93859/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay is definitely strong on the reasoning side. The writer fully explains his theory regarding teaching children about money management. The discussion is lacking development though since it does not provide any evidence to prove the theories and ideas of the writer. A review of the writing task will show that the writer is being asked to present examples to help illustrate his reasoning. So the essay is only half developed at this point. It cannot be given full C+C scores because of the lack of supporting discussion for the point of view provided.
The conclusion is faulty as well since it neither presents 40 words representative of a summary conclusion. There should be at least 2 or 3 sentences that repeat the topic, the writer's opinion, and his supporting statement. While it may receive good LR and GRA marks, the missing elements as described above will prevent it from getting a passing score or gaining a grade higher than the lowest possible passing score. | Holt | Nov 24, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/teaching-children-manage-money-meaning-life-93859/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Topic:
***Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill**.*
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
It is indisputable that health problems are one of the biggest concerns of the World Health Organization. While people argue that the local and national authorities should exceed investment in promoting a healthy lifestyle to detect diseases rather than the treatment of people who are suffering from illness.
On the one hand, allocating money for encouraging a healthy lifestyle is a worldwide initiative for some reasons. There is an increased propensity for people to be caught up in the pressure of work and study as a result of neglecting their health. Due to their hectic schedule, they tend to hunch over the screen, coupled with keeping the same sitting posture which is the optimal cause of many life-threatening conditions such as obesity and eye-related diseases,...Therefore, it is extremely pivotal for government to invest money in opening more affordable leisure and sports centres, encouraging people through health awareness campaigns which could raise the general level of public health.
On the other hand, despite the above mentioned ideas, I believe that the local authorities should prioritize expenditure on patient treatment. An unhealthy lifestyle is not only the rationale for becoming under the weather, the contaminated drinking water or poor sanitation is also detrimental to health. Moreover, failure to subsidize medicines or to invest in hospitals would certainly lead to many deaths which could have been avoided by timely treatment. Hospitals, for instance, serve a crucial function not only in surgery but also conducting vital research into the treatment of many serious diseases, such as cancer or virus corona.
In conclusion, while promoting healthy living is important, treatment must have priority in health service spending. | NamFPT | Nov 17, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/promoting-healthy-lifestyle-treating-diseases-93834/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The examiner will read the discussion instruction and read the provided essay. He will immediately discover that the writer has not followed the writing guideliness for the essay once he compares the opening paragraph with the original prompt. There is no reference to the WHO in the original so there was no need to use that as the basis of the restatement. He also did not provide the correct measured response as indicated by the writing instructions. These errors created an overall mistake in the original prompt representation. The fact that the required response format was not followed either, means the writer approached this essay with an overall prompt deviation. As such, the accuracy score of this essay will immediately be a failing score. The actual number of the score is unimportant at this point. All the writer needs to know is that the essay will not get a passing grade at the end of the assessment process. All because he proved that he cannot understand English instructions and he does not know how to follow writing instructions provided in English. | Holt | Nov 17, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/promoting-healthy-lifestyle-treating-diseases-93834/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Indeed a well argument was presented by the writer. The point was well taken to measure the expenses. Writer can add "By deducting expenses from other sorts of fun and enjoyment, it is essential to invest in healthy life style and keeping accessible treatment from deadly ailments" | johnhussain765 | Nov 17, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/promoting-healthy-lifestyle-treating-diseases-93834/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Where is your opinion in the introduction? it's so vague that the examiners can understand whether you agree or disagree with the viewpoint. | jjgenius | Nov 17, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/promoting-healthy-lifestyle-treating-diseases-93834/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While people argue that (...) This is a sentence fragment. To be grammatically correct, you must add another clause that contrasts the previous clause.
In addition to that, your opening lacks a thesis statement. According to the prompt, you have to state your opinion whether you agree or not, and to what extent. This helps clarify your claim, making it easier for readers to follow. | Bun cha | Nov 17, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/promoting-healthy-lifestyle-treating-diseases-93834/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## university sports centre - present and future
Task 1:
The advance of an unknown university sports centre from the contemporary time to the future is illustrated in the two maps given.
Overall, there will be several practical renovations taking place in the sports centre according to the plan with the most significant change which is being made in the area surrounding the present indoor zone of the centre.
In greater detail, the area of the sports centre will be enlarged at the expense of eliminating two outdoor courts. Beside, the fitness centre which is arranged in the north of the 25-metre pool will be levelled up in terms of magnitude. A new sports hall will be opened up adjacent to the seating area.
Regarding the others, a new sports hall will be opened up adjacent to the seating area. The two prospective dance studios will be introduced in the northeast corner of the centre. A new pool whose use is for recreation will be construced to the west. Moreover, the number of changing rooms will increase as the two other ones will be constructed in the corner of the centre. Finally, a new cafe will be added at the side of the southeast changing room, whereas a sports store will be opened up next to the southwest counterpart.
*
* | ditmemay | Nov 23, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/renovations-sports-centres-test-93857/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**ONE TASK AT A TIME.**
The summary overview and trending statement is not very well developed. It has resulted in a confusing short information presentation that does not help the reader understand the information provided in the unseen image. It is a confusing paragraph that will not receive a passing GRA score based on the inability of the summary to clearly help the reader understand the specifics of the image.
What type of image was presented? Was it an illustrative map? There are several types of maps. Could it have been an illustrative drawing rather than a map? What years are covered or being compared? Can the writer write in a more clarified manner that goes beyond compressed and long sentences? These questions represent the reasons why the essay is problematic and why it may not receive a passing score. The writer needs to develop his C+C skills in relation to GRA scoring. Otherwise, his ends up with these less than understandable reporting presentations.
For this essay, a 4 paragraph presentation should have been used that properly explained the old layout, what changes are planned, and how these changes will affect the overall set up of the location in the future. So it should have:
Par. 1: Summary + Trend
Par. 2: Original description
Par. 3: New description
Par. 4: Analysis of how the overall changes affects the layout (Is it better? If so, why? Is it worse? Why?) | Holt | Nov 23, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/renovations-sports-centres-test-93857/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## electricity from different fuel sources
The pie charts delineate the figures for electricity production from fuel sources in Australia and France, between 1980 and 2000.
In short, coal took the lead for the electricity product in Australia while nuclear power was the main source in France. The amount of electricity by different fuel sources was not similar in both countries.
According to the given pie charts, in Australia, the total electricity production was only 100 units; however, it doubled in the year 2000.There were 50 units and 20 units of electricity produced by coal and hydro power, respectively in 1980. Besides, the oil contributed to only 10 units of electricity. Then, the year 2000 witnessed a considerable increase in the usage of coal which accounted for 130 out of 170 units.
Furthermore, it was shown that electricity production in France was apparent. At the beginning of the period, the dependency on coal denoted as 25 units, followed by a sharp decrease in 2000. In contrast, nuclear power became the primary source, holding 126 units.
*
*
*Australia* | Thao4real | Nov 18, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/pie-charts-show-units-electricity-production-93840/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay is not fully analyzed, discussed, and presented in this reporting essay. The writer has not focused on the proper division of image information in his presentation paragraphs which causes undue confusion for the reader. Since the 3 pairs of images are no properly identified in the summary presentation nor the discussion body, there is no way that the reader will be able to smoothly follow the analysis presented. There is a clear lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the presentations as the image titles are needed as a part of the paragraphs in order to provide clarity in terms of information representation. It is suffice to say that the images were not properly compared and contrasted in this essay and will receive a less than stellar score. | Holt | Nov 18, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/pie-charts-show-units-electricity-production-93840/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## nitrogen oxide emission
The given line chart provided comparison of the amount of nitrogen oxide released by diesel car, petrol car, lorries and buses. From an overall perspective, it is evident that buses and lorries are more pollutant than two remained cars. While diesel car and petrol car dispose the same amount of emission as the speed increase, the figure for buses and lorries fluctuate mildly.
At the slowest level of pace, buses account for the highest amount of nitrogen oxide gas produced, at precisely 40 gam per kilometer. By contrast, lorries release nearly 33 gam per kilometer, which is slightly lower than buses but still much higher than other vehicles. The figure for diesel car and petrol car stands at approximately 7 g/k and 12g/k, respectively.
With the speed increases from 10 to 130 kph, the nitrogen oxide waste of buses experiences an oscillation, with the amount of emission decreases to 22 g/k at 60 kph before goes up to 45 g/k at the maximum speed. Similarly, lorries saw a steadily fall in the emission when the speed increase to 90 kph, but bucks the trend with 7 g/k rise at 130 kmh. While the amount of diesel car emission slightly fell by 2 g/k at the fastest pace, the figure for petrol car witnesses a small increase to 13 g/k
* | DanielDang | Nov 19, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/nitrogen-oxide-produced-types-transports-93844/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Never forget to analyze the timeline provided in the image. There is always a clue as to whether this is a continuing process / measurement, previously completed task, or past measurement consideration. In this case, where no dates or years are mentioned, it is safe to use the present tense reference seeing as how these could be considered a continuing or ongoing task. This is a slight GRA inaccuracy and a partial C+C misanalysis on the part of the writer. He chose to use the incorrect time reference this time.
There will be LR deductions in addition to increase GRA deductions due to lack of clarity in a sentence. When he wrote:
slowest level of pace
he neglected to double check the meaning of the words level and pace. These are 2 different measurement references that cannot be used together due to the different measurement basis:
level - having no part higher than another; having a flat or even surface.
pace - a rate of activity, progress, growth, performance
Therefore the reference should be "slowest pace" since it refers to the speed of the line graph presentation.
Most of the problems the writer has are in reference to word usage, sentence structure, and how these relate to the clarity of the presentation. He must work on improving these areas next time. | Holt | Nov 19, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/nitrogen-oxide-produced-types-transports-93844/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## mobile users by age
The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of citizens utilizing mobile in a nation by distinct age brackets between 1998 and 2000
Overall, the rate of mobile usage in the 16 to 50 years old was highest while that of people less than 15 was lowest during this given time. It is noticeable there was an increase in the proportion of mobile usage less than 15 and more than 50, but the opposite was true for remaining age groups.
In 1998, 53% of mobile users were aged 16 to 30, which held the leading position. Meanwhile, the percentage of citizens utilizing mobile in the 31 to 50 age bracket was 36% higher than that of people over 50, at 4%. Followed by 2% of mobile users less than 15, standing at the lowest position.
From that time onwards, while this number of mobile users less than 15 and from 16 to 30 years old stayed unchanged, the proportion of mobile usage in the 31 to 50 aged bracket underwent a slight decline of 37% in 2000. In addition, a minimal growth was recorded in the inhabitants more than 50 years old in 2000.
* | phamthao0710 | Nov 18, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/bar-chart-shows-mobile-usage-country-93838/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Since there are several positions for a bar chart, the writer should be position specific about the image identifier. By being position specific, that means he needs to differentiate between a vertical and horizontal bar graph. This will help the reader get a better perspective of how the image was presented for analysis. He also forgot to identify how the measurements were procured for the survey (in percentage) as a part of the information summary. So the infomation short presentation will be deemed as incomplete.
The overall problem the writer has is that he is focused on presenting the information as quickly as possible, without considering the clarity of the report and the connectivity between information comparisons. His tendency is to just get over with the information presentation, disregarding the clarity and comprehension requirements of the C+C scoring section. As such the overall essay is really confusing and difficult to follow for the average reader who, as implied by the reporting style, does not have a copy of the image to base the understanding of the analysis presentation on.
With regards to the writing skills in this presentation, the writer has shown a limited ability when it comes to sentence formation, grammar range, and punctuation usage. He should try to present more advanced sentence structures and more variation when it comes to punctuation usage. There are other punctuation marks that can be used aside from a comma and a period. Using only those 2 punctuation marks tend to lead to lower GRA scores due to limited sentence styles. | Holt | Nov 18, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/bar-chart-shows-mobile-usage-country-93838/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
you forgot to add "the" before the "highest" and the "lowest". These faults of grammar will decrease your overall score. | DanielDang | Nov 18, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/bar-chart-shows-mobile-usage-country-93838/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime.
However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education.***
## Do Do you agree or disagree?
It has been argued that the reduction of crime rate will be accomplished more effectively through more qualified education rather than prison sentences. I personally disagree with this statement as both methods play crucial roles in handling illegalities.
On the one hand, it is reasonable/understandable to resolve the crime problem by sending criminals to prison. Firstly, prisons are places to keep dangerous criminals who certainly pose a serious threat to society such as murderers or terrorists. This will make these felons receive punishments for their heinous actions, ensuring the safety of innocent people. Secondly, severe prison sentences serve as a deterrent against unlawful acts. This is because lawbreakers have to confront tough struggles in jail, loss of freedom, and separation from their beloved ones. If criminals are obsessed with these physical and mental punishments, they may stop reoffending.
On the other hand, the reasons why education would greatly contribute to crime reduction are varied. Education could heighten people's intellect and therefore form a civilized society. With access to better education services, citizens would be aware of the consequences of committing crimes which eventually leads to the decrease in crime rates. Furthermore, when given a chance to receive an education like vocational training, criminals could seek job opportunities after being released from prison. In fact, former inmates could encounter numerous obstacles after a long time of being isolated from society. Thus, the possession of certain qualifications assists inmates to earn a living by their own labor power, which would dispel any ideas of committing crimes.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that both incarceration policies and better education have major roles in coping with crimes. | kieu mai | Nov 19, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/writng-prison-common-way-countries-solve-93842/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While the writer more than met the required word count to gain proper scoring consideration based on each scoring consideration, I am afraid that the writer has not come up with a passing score essay. Although he explained himself in an acceptable manner in the paragraphs, the fact that he misrepresented the original topic and did not provide the correct response format for the discussion are the reasons why the essay cannot be considered for a passing score.
Please take note of the original topic presentation:
Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime
The writer misunderstood the topic for discussion and presented it as:
It has been argued that the reduction of crime rate will be accomplished more effectively through more qualified education rather than prison sentences.
The correct restatement should have been:
*Most parts of the world try to resolve criminal problems by placing offenders in prison. However, there is a growing trend that advocates for proper education as the better way to prevent crimes.*
As for the writer's opinion, The original presentation requires a single supporting opinion for one of the two opinions. The question was never based on "To what extent" or "Discuss both opinions", which are the only writing instructions that allow for a comparison opinion presentation. So the writer failed to offer a single clear opinion on the topic. His opinion was not based on the proper response format.
The start of the essay was already incorrect so the TA score will not be a passing one. Since the TA preliminary score is the foundation of the final overall score, the writer will not be able to meet the overall passing score consideration. | Holt | Nov 19, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/writng-prison-common-way-countries-solve-93842/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## oil production report
The chart illustrates how much oil was produced per day from 2000 to 2004 in Nigeria, Chad, Congo and Somalia.
Overall, there was an increase in the daily amount of oil extracted in Nigeria, Chad and Somalia examined, while a gradual decline in oil production was seen during the period. In addition, Congo generally produced the most oil among 4 countries examined, but it was surpassed by Nigeria in the last year of the period.
Oil production in Cong started at 275 in 2000, after which it experienced a moderate decrease to 215 in 2003, before ending the period at 203 in 2004. Meanwhile, the figure for oil extraction in Nigeria fluctuated in the range from 2000 to 2002, reaching the highest amount of oil 213 in 2004.
0 barrels of oil was witnessed in Chad between 2000 and 2002, with a subsequent increase examined from 2002 onwards. Besides, the figure for oil production per day gradually grew and exported 50 barrels per day in 2004, which was the amount of oil production os Chad in the same year. | lavendar95 | Nov 2, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/table-shows-daily-oil-production-countries-93780/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The summary overview is too short. It should be at least 3 sentences long. Never merge the information about the image type, references, measurement type, and enumerated coverage into a single sentence. That will create a problematic run-on sentence and show an inability to properly construct various sentence types, leading to immediate GRA score deductions.
The trending statement is too long in this case. It should have a representation of only the high and low of the image measurements. This will be seen as a reporting paragraph instead and be scored again, in a reduced manner because of the improper trending statement format. Some of the information in this paragraph should have actually been provided in the summary overview rather than the trending statement. The student needs to learn proper information formatting per paragraph to fix his summary overview + trending statement presentation mistakes.
Further GRA deductions, along with C+C reductions will be applied since the writer does not meet the academic 3 sentence requirement per paragraph. Any presentation with less than 3-5 sentences will always fail these sections as the writer does not properly develop his explanations based on proper simple, compound, and complex sentence presentations.
Long sentences + short paragraphs = Failing Score | Holt | Nov 2, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/table-shows-daily-oil-production-countries-93780/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
"while a gradual decline in oil production was seen during the period" I guess you forgot to mention about the country. In addition , your overall is quite long. Furthermore, I see some errors in your body so it may reduce your score. Before submitting your essay, please check it again | Thao4real | Nov 2, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/table-shows-daily-oil-production-countries-93780/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## CO2 emissions per person in 4 countries
The line graph compares the average CO2 emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal between 1967 and 2007
In general, Italy and Portugal saw significant growths in the average CO2 emission in metric tonnes per person over the 40-year period. In contrast, this figure decreased for the United Kingdom and Sweden. Portugal experienced the most dramatic changes in four countries.
In 1967, Portugal and Italy were two countries having the least CO2 emission per person, at about 1 tonne and 4.2 tonnes respectively. Following that, these amounts increased gradually and reached around 5.8 tonnes and 7.8 tonnes from 1967 to 2007
However, in Sweden, the average CO2 emission per person grew considerably from about 8.8 tonnes to 10.2 tonnes between 1967 to 1977. Meanwhile, this number for the United Kingdom remained stable, around 11 tonnes. After that, the figure fell significantly, which declined from nearly 11 tonnes to 5.2 tonnes in 2007. Like Sweden, The UK also saw a dip of almost 1 tonne over the period 1977 to 2007 | Luana1017 | Nov 15, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/increases-decreases-emissions-person-four-93825/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The summary overview is faulty for a number of reasons. First, the sentence is open ended since it does not have a full stop / period to signify the end of the explanation process. That will result in a severe preliminary GRA deduction. Second, the summary should be composed of at least 2-3 sentences. 3 being the most ideal since it will signify the one thought / idea per sentence requirement for the C+C and GRA scores.
As far as the trending paragraph, the writer did not signify why Portugal witnessed the most dramatic change among the countries. That leaves a less than clear paragraph indicator in terms of C+C considerations. That will result in additional C+C deductions.
A paragraph is always composed of at least 3 sentences, when the presentation is only composed of 2 sentences, both the GRA and C+C scores will receive deductions due to improper sentence and paragraph formatting.
Overall, this is a good first effort. The mistakes are to be expected. That said, I expect that the writer will alter his writing style and avoid the errors mentioned here going forward to help increase his scoring potential and improve his writing style in relation to scoring considerations. | Holt | Nov 15, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/increases-decreases-emissions-person-four-93825/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think you should use " between....and .....". In your sentence, you use " between 1967 to 1977". In addtion, you don't describe detail about Portugal which makes readers really confused when they read about. Because you say it " fluctuation " so you should give them more informatuin about that. Moreover , I think you overuse a structure "from about 8.8 tonnes to 10.2 tonnes" and
"from nearly 11 tonnes to 5.2 tonnes ". It may reduce your score so I hope you will have other structures to back up your body | Thao4real | Nov 15, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/increases-decreases-emissions-person-four-93825/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## IELTS TASK 1 - charts report
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and predictions for 2050. Overall, the percentages of elderly in both countries are expected to increase, while the proportion of people from 0 to 59 years old is calculated to decrease.
Firstly, Yemen had a very young population with half of its population being 0 to 14 years old in 2000. While the elderly only occupied 3.6% and people from 15 to 59 years old made up 46.3%. In the next 50 years, there is an expected upward trend for the proportion of people over 60 years old and from 15 to 59. The age group from 0 to 14 is predicted to decrease significantly by 13.1%
Secondly, Italy had a much older population with the elderly constituting 24.1% and will nearly double in the future. The age group from 15 to 59 will experience a tremendous decline from 61.6% to 46.2%. People from 0 to 14 made up only a small proportion of Italy's population and are projected to decrease by 2.8%.
* | dat1234567 | Nov 11, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-age-groups-population-yemen-italy-93810/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The first sentence of the summary overview is going to receive a failing score for being almost a 100 % cut and paste of the original presentation. It has not changed even a little to convince the examiner that the writer redeveloped the original information his was provided with. It is still confusing because it kept to the general explanation. The summary overview should be longer and represented in at least 3 sentences since it has to:
- Identify the image
- Identify the number of images
- Identify the image pairings
- Identify the measurement type
All before presenting the combined trending statement as the 5th sentence in the paragraph. While this 3 paragraph essay is acceptable, the examiner might look for a 4th paragraph, since this is a 4 image comparison discussion. An extended discussion is optional but would really help the final score if the writer can develop a 4th comparison paragraph that looks at certain similarities between the 2 paired images.
The correct comparative discussion would have paired the 2 images from each year for comparison. That means, 2000 v. 2000 and 2050 v. 2050 before a 2000 v. 2050 comparison per image pair. | Holt | Nov 11, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-age-groups-population-yemen-italy-93810/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
These are my comments on your work:
- I think overview should be a separate paragraph and it should be added one more general feature.
- Instead of using Firstly, Secondly, you could use in terms of, regarding, when it comes to...
- You should review the grammar structure of "While" and complex sentences
~~While~~ Meanwhile, the elderly only occupied ...
- Add more conjunctions | hnguyn7 | Nov 11, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-age-groups-population-yemen-italy-93810/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think that you shouldn't use "firstly". After finishing your overall, you can write "According to the given chart", "As can be seen from the chart ". In your body, you can use words as "It is noticeable that" , for example
Instead of using " secondly " -> "On the other hand", " Turning to .... " .
You should have more complex sentences in your body. | Thao4real | Nov 11, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/percentage-age-groups-population-yemen-italy-93810/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## activities in Australia in 2003
The two bar charts compare the proportions of 5 to 14-year-old participants of both genders in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
Overall, while significantly more males than females took part in sports, most cultural activities were more popular among girls than boys except playing musical instruments.
In this year, it can be seen that sports was common with the majority of boys (70%), while just over a half of the girls enjoyed playing sports.
In respect of cultural activities, a very small number of girls engaged in singing and drama activities account for 5% for each one, yet that number of boys were even approximately lower than 2%. The percentage of girls playing musical instruments was threefold higher than the former and the figures for males joining in this activity was three out of two compared with female rate. Dancing was considered as the most preferable activity participated by girls at a quarter. In contrast, this proportion of boys was a tiny minority with only about 2%.
* | sofia0125 | Nov 5, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-percentage-boys-girls-aged-taking-part-93785/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While the essay does contain more than enough words to be given proper scoring consideration, the problem that the writer has with thought presentation through sentence formation will cause major C+C and GRA deductions for this essay. Both of which could very well result in a failing score for the essay.
For starters, the writer creates constant confusion in his writing due to his long sentences which combine information in it when it should have been divided into at least 2 sentence presentations. He appears to not be familiar with the rules governing sentence presentations. That is, every sentence must reflect one clear idea and explanation instead of multiple idea explanations / presentations.
Each paragraph will only qualify for proper scoring when there are at least 3 sentences in every paragraph, with the summary overview + trending statement combined into one paragraph at the start of the essay. In this case, the word count did not help the score because of the lack of proper paragraph formatting and a need for clearer explanations. He has up to 200 words to work with, he should use the count to his advantage.
In a task 1 essay, shorter but informative sentences, combined with individualized data presentation for each image receive more scoring considerations. Since this is a 2 image presentation, a 4 paragraph report should have been used reflective of 2 individual reporting sections and 1 comparision discussion paragraph. | Holt | Nov 5, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-percentage-boys-girls-aged-taking-part-93785/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think the writer's word choice is quite inappropriate, for example, "in this year" makes the statement become unclear or uncertain and lead to confusing. Instead of adding an uncertain phrase like that, you should use specific time or date to make your depiction clearly understandable. | DanielDang | Nov 5, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-percentage-boys-girls-aged-taking-part-93785/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I don't think you should use "while " at the beginning of the sentence, and "while significantly more males than females took part in sports" sounds strange to me. In addition, I guess "most cultural activities were more popular among girls than boys except playing musical instruments" may have some errors. For me, I think you should rephrase it again .
For me , I will rephrase it " There are more boys interested in cultural activities than those of girls, except playing musical instruments" | Thao4real | Nov 5, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/charts-percentage-boys-girls-aged-taking-part-93785/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Subject:
Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.***
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Answer:
Some people hold conflicting views about paying taxes by parents those children study at private schools. While a number of people reckon that they are worth being deducted taxes, I completely disagree with the aforementioned point.
There are various compelling reasons why governments should not reduce tax liability to parents of children enrolling in private schools. Firstly, it would be difficult to calculate the correct amount of tax deduction for wealthy families. This kind of work requires more public staff to manage and thus the state budgets might be drained by an unnecessary expenditure. Secondly, citizens invariably pay a certain amount of tax for public services that they may not use. For example, most taxpayers are fortunate enough not to have a call in an emergency situation to the police or the hospital at any time in their lives, but they would not expect a tax discount for this.
In my opinion, I firmly hold the view that families of children educated in non-public institutions should delightfully take the blame for paying taxes to support public schools. The first reason is that these people can substantially contribute to build an equal education system for everyone regardless their circumstances. A great number of poorer children might take opportunities to improve background due to being accessed to the high quality education as well as children from rich families. Additionally, through tax obligations, wealthy people might foster their economic background. Indeed, businesses owned by rich families might flourish as a well-funded education system allows to generate well-trained workforce to these enterprises.
In conclusion, while many people think that any financial reduction for families sending their children to private schools is essential, I believe that it should be not considered. | vocongminhbuh | Nov 17, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/tax-liability-parents-children-93836/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The opening paraphrase is missing one reference. Since there are 2 reference points in the original prompt, the interpretation should also include 2 sentences restating each public opinion. The third sentence reference should be the writer's opinion in support or against one of the 2 idea presentations. As such, the first paragraph has not met the appropriate task accuracy requirements even as it does present an acceptable writer's opinion. It is a bit confusing due to the missing opinion.
Now, the first opinion explanation is on point in its discussion. It is strong in reference and actually shows the writer can think logically in the English language. The problem, is that the same cannot be said for the second opinion explanation. I was confused as to what was meant by
should delightfully take the blame for paying taxes to support public schools.
Why should they be happy to take the blame? The blame for what? I believe that the writer was a bit confused by his transliteration from Vietnamese to English in this case. Did he perhaps mean "...should delightfully pay for taxes to support public schools" ? That statement type would seem to better align itself with the rest of the paragraph. This lack of clarity in the paragraph could very well garner failing preliminary scores in the GRA and C+C sections.
40 words is the minimum word requirement for the concluding summary. It should be composed of at least 2 sentences as well and function in reverse paraphrase mode. Since the writer did not achieve that in the concluding statement, that paragraph will have to be given a failing score as well. | Holt | Nov 17, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/tax-liability-parents-children-93836/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.***
Essay:
Recently, another country is chosen to organize a national competition of sport, which brings a lot of profits for this nation. A school of thought holds that an appointed host gives many negative effects on the event. This essay will discuss both views before drawing a reasoned conclusion.
On the one hand, becoming a host of national sports events is an honor for one country, the reason for this is that many audiences all over the world will realize this nation through sports competitions. Plenty of countries nowadays endeavor to attract organizers to be selected to appoint a host. For example, Cambodia attempted to invest in building many affordable courses for sports in order to appeal to SEA games' organizers. In addition, an advantage for the host is their players easily adapted to the game when the events take place, thereby winning with less trouble. Therefore, hosting a sports event will get more benefits than other countries.
On the other hand, the difficulty of a host is responsibility. Some countries just concentrate on the formal appearance of events but they do not focus on the quality of organizing the competition. As a result, various referees cannot have enough standards to assess some difficult fouls in another match. Furthermore, many native players tend to cheat in the game like using dopping because they think that the host will assure safety for their mistake. Consequently, numerous countries are not appreciated by audiences due to their dishonesty in the event.
To conclude, while appointing a host is the glory of one country, putting responsibility in the highest position is vital. It is recommended for the host country should be sincere in international sports events. | dkhoa0206 | Nov 17, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/hosting-international-sports-effects-given-93833/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There is an error in the approach of the writer to the given discussion. He has decided to disregard the "international sports events" reference in favor of his own "national sports events". This will definitely make the essay fail in the preliminary task scoring because the discussion foundation is incorrect even as the topic remains the same. In addition, the writer also does not restate the prompt topic as expected, creating a confusing representation of the original, which means this essay has already received an overall failing score even before the rest of the essay considerations have received marks. The final writing approach error is that rather than offering an opinion, the writer decided to offer a conclusion. A decision that he feels the reader should accept, which was not the original writing instruction for the writer's opinion section. So the writer has made mistake after mistake in the first paragraph, which continued in his discussion paragraphs. Nothing about the writing of this error is correct nor worth a passing score. I do not see the need to review this essay beyond the prompt restatement + writer's opinion at this point since the essay does not have a passing score chance anyway. | Holt | Nov 17, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/hosting-international-sports-effects-given-93833/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***These days, more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work.***
## What could be the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
(IELTS WRITING TASK 2)
In this modern era, more and more men are in charge of household chores while their partners earn family income. This essay will elucidate the causes of this trend. Furthermore, from my perspective, this is overall a negative trend.
To commence with, there are two major reasons for the stay-at-home father trend. The first reason worth mentioning is the constant efforts of women and society to change old-fashioned thinking. To be more specific, in the past, men were the ones who made the house while women made the house. However, thanks to feminism and advancements in education, women nowadays can serve in every field even in ones that used to be dominated by men namely the military, politics, and manufacturing. Secondly, with the popularity of online work and the advent of technology, men may choose to stay at home and spend more time on their families and housework. As a result, they can either make money to nurture their families or have quality time with their children.
From my point of view, this trend may have adverse effects on not only children but also the whole family. The first demerit is that children will be neglected for the lack of adequate love and care from their mothers. It is common knowledge that women have natural instincts to provide their children with comfort and care. However, men may struggle to meet the needs of their children either in terms of patience or emotional support. Consequently, a child's growing up will be affected in one way or another. The second disadvantage is that the quality of life of women and their families might be influenced by financial burdens. For example, in Hanoi, each person may earn 8 million dongs a month on average. Hence, women who are the sole breadwinner may find it hard to raise their families while the prices of oil, tuition fees, and food are rising at an unprecedented rate. In this way, the trend might lead to various consequences for the family.
All the information provided creates a concrete foundation that because of changes in thinking and advancements of women, fathers tend to resign from the breadwinner role to take care of their family and their spouses go out to make money. For these reasons, I believe this would be a negative trend if women do not share the duties of bringing up their children with their husbands and women are the sole breadwinners in their families. | Hai Duong Do | Nov 16, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/days-fathers-stay-home-take-care-children-93828/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Since the term "partner" is gender neutral, and the original reference is gender specific, the writer should use a gender specific alternate word as well. The term "partner" may be used but with the specific gender mention included due to the existence of same sex marriages, which could confuse the reader. So "female partner" or "female spouse" would be most acceptable in this case. Do it just to make sure the LR scoring considerations are properly met and that the C+C reference will not be altered.
I am puzzled as to why the writer did not clearly respond the the provided questions. His direct response to both would have been the basis for his opinion and thesis presentation. A move that would have boosted his preliminary TA score. Such score boosts can only be achieved early on with the proper development of the thesis presentation. Doing so bring the clarity of the writer's opinion and the reasons for it immediately into focus. Resulting in an impressive summary discussion presentation. What is the reason for the negative belief? The opinion is not clearly pre-stated.
The actual discussions are impressive but extremely long. The writer has a tendency to use sentence fillers rather than actual information. The essay need not be too long. Using fillers does not improve the scoring consideration and could even result in lower scores because the paragraph will take too long to get to the point and lack in clarity due to the focus on an increased word count. | Holt | Nov 16, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/days-fathers-stay-home-take-care-children-93828/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society
It is argued that the increase of technology, especially social media, is becoming the replacement for directly communication all over the world. This essay will give the reason why the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks. The essay will demonstrate that the ability to communicate irrespective of geographia boundaries and getting up-to-date information, followed by an analysis of how the prime disadvantage namely losing social skill is not valid.
Social media helps member of public with communication from far distance. In the internationalization world, the number of global citizen who live in a different country is increasing dramatically. Therefore, remaining contact with friends and relatives is becoming a problem, which can be solved by social media. For example, an app like Facebook or Skype definitely do wonders for human life via connecting different parts of the world through the Internet. Furthermore, technology surely come into useful since it can be a means of communication, which provided us with latest information. Thanks to the Internet, we can have an insight about the world as well as the things that happened around us. Take the devastation at Iteawon, Seoul this Halloween as an example, via the support of social media, the victim's family will have a better grasp about the situation and urgently contact with their relatives, who are living in Korean.
In the other hand, those opposed to this reckon that social media is the prime reason for losing social skills as we are not directly interact with people. However, there is actually no evidence to support this view and skills related to social has remained unchanged. Moreover, some can acquiring more skills than ever before. For instance, children attending online lessons instead of going to school can learn about the communication skill through several activities conducted by the teacher as well as team work. Moreover, this increase the likelihood that they will master the Information Technology skill, which has been proven vital for those who live in a develop world.
On balance, the fact that technology brings people the opportunities to stay in touch with others despite the great distance and provides the society with latest news clearly outweigh the argument that this impairs their social skills. | ngochongnhung | Oct 31, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-media-replacement-directly-93769/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer definitely understood the writing requirements and the point of view to be provided. However, the question is "Do YOU" not "Does the essay". Since the essay is incapable of writing itself and is reliant on the point of view, opinion, and explanation of the writer, he should take his cue as to the pronoun usage and general representation to be used in writing. There is a need to predominantly use the first person pronoun in the explanations. From the writer's opinion to the explanation paragraphs, these should be flooded with "me, myself, and I" references to clearly indicate the writer's opinion as required. Yes, the fact that the writer is being asked "Do you think" means he should show that he clearly supports this opinion presentation since a general point of view is not required. So the writer's restatement was good but it would fail to get a passing score in terms of writer's opinion presentation. it lacked proper sentence referencing and was too wordy to be clear enough in its representation of opinions.
There is no "on the other hand" and "on the balance" discussion for this essay. Mainly because it is requiring a direct supporting response to a single opinion question. Therefore, the lack of clarity on the part of writer and his prompt deviation will result in a failing score. There is a prompt deviation because the original question was:
*DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?*
Therefore, there was no need to explain:
*The essay will demonstrate that the ability to communicate ... skill is not valid.*
Notice how the question was only an A v. D response but the writer decided to explain how a particular skill reference is not valid? That is the prompt deviation that will result in a failing score because the writer did not answer the question being asked. He did not follow the writing instructions. His ability to understand English instructions are clearly non-existent, resulting in the incorrect response. | Holt | Oct 31, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-media-replacement-directly-93769/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
These are my comments:
- I reckon the opening should be shorten and more straightforward
- I think it must be "on the other hand"
- In the example of Itaewon, i think you use the wrong tense, it should be past simple tense instead of future tense
- Moreover, some can ~~acquiring~~ acquire more skills than ever before. (check grammar carefully)
- Moreover, this ~~increase~~ increases/ will increase the likelihood (...) for those who live in a ~~develop world~~ (you can use "modern world") | hnguyn7 | Oct 31, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-media-replacement-directly-93769/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The last paragraph could use a bit more of work as it is the last one, it should impact the reader with a strong stand. Also, eliminate the " On balance" of the beginning. | Nanya_26 | Oct 31, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-media-replacement-directly-93769/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the growth of urban population
The given bar chart depicts the increase in proportion of people living in urban in Africa, Asia, Caribbean and the whole world in the year 1950, 2000 and gives prediction for the year 2030.
Overall, the growth of population in all given area rose dramatically from 1950 to 2000 and is expected to increase in 2030. In addition, the number of Caribbean's residents who stayed in the cities accounted for the highest percentage, while the figure for Africa was the lowest.
In 1950, there was more than 40% of population in Caribbean lived in metropolitan area, while the proportion of urban African and Asian was enormously low, at 11% and 14% respectively. By contrast, the figure for the whole world was 30%, slightly lower than Caribbean but far higher than other areas. After five decades, Caribbean experienced a significant increase in the number of urban citizens to 70% in 2000, compared to 48% of the whole world. It was also noticeable that the percentage of Africa and Asia inhabitants living in urban areas went up dramatically, at nearly 38% for each.
Over the next 30 years, four given areas are expected to continue the upward trend. Caribbean urban population is predicted to be the highest, with 80%, 20% higher than the figure for the whole world. Additionally, there are predictions of an increase in the number of Africa and Asia metropolitan residents, at 51% and 57% respectively.
* | DanielDang | Nov 15, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-living-cities-towns-areas-93826/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer continues to show a problem with developing individual thought presentations for his sentences. For some reason, he believes that writing run-on sentences and combined idea sentences will increase his overall score. That will do the exact opposite because the writing becomes confusing, difficult to follow, remember, and understand. There needs to be a target idea for every sentence. That means, compressing the information will not achieve the target C+C and GRA scores. Until he learns to use the sentence formats properly in every paragraph, the C+C and GRA problems will continue to lower his final score.
He does a good job of understanding the essay. I will praise him for that. The problem is in the way he transfers that information to his readers. He cannot expect to get a strong score based on the major scoring sections if he continues to use the incorrect sentence and paragraph formats for his reports. He may refer to the previous reviews I left in his prior essays to get a clearer idea of the continuing errors in his writing. | Holt | Nov 15, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-living-cities-towns-areas-93826/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I would recommend that you check your grammar. Some syntactic issues are interfering with the reading and I had to go back two and three times to clearly understand. | Nanya_26 | Nov 15, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-living-cities-towns-areas-93826/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## The line chart illustrates the debris created by three companies from 2000 to 2015.
It is clear that there has been a dramatic change in the amount of waste across all three companies. Between 2000 and 2015, the amount of waste produced by companies A and B decreased, while in contrast, that produced by company C significantly increased.
In 2000, the waste output of company A was 12 tonnes, which was three times as much as that of company C. At the same time, company B created about 8 tonnes, which was in the middle of companies A and B. In the next five years, the waste production of company A declined slightly from 12 to 11, while the amount of waste produced by companies B and C witnessed a sharp rise.
From 2005 to 2015, there was a rapid decrease in the waste output of companies A and B. On the contrary, company C produced much more waste production in this period. In 2015, the waste output created by company C rose rapidly, while the amount of waste produced by companies A and B went down significantly.
* | dungqndt | Nov 15, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/debris-created-three-companies-93823/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The student is not familiar enough with the English language to realize that there is a tremendous amount of word meaning difference between waste and debris:
Waste - trash, rubbish, discard, unusuable residue
Debris - the remains of anything broken down or destroyed; ruins; rubble
As such, the writer will be understood to have misinterpreted the topic as provided in the image. He must remember that word usage is heavily scored under the LR section. Therefore, he must use words based on accurate meaning rather than only synonym reference. Basing word usage on synonym usage alone could result in word usage errors such as this one.
The writer might also want to further develop his sentence structuring skills to include the usage of more varied punctuation marks to increase his GRA score. That is limited in this case by the interchangeable use of a comma and period only. This also reflects the lack of proper sentence variation in the presentation.
Good work on the reporting paragraphs though. The information is clear and easily understandable. Unfortunately, just having a good C+C score will not increase the overall / final score of the data analysis presentation. | Holt | Nov 15, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/debris-created-three-companies-93823/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think the writer is lack of detailed number on the last paragraph, which could lead to a decrease in the overall score. You should add specific items, like percentage, to make your depiction clearer and more accurate. | DanielDang | Nov 15, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/debris-created-three-companies-93823/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.***
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Opinions are divided on whether foreign tourists should behave in accordance with local culture or the native country should embrace other cultures. Although adapting local lifestyle could help people gain enormously, I think that cultural diversity should be prioritized.
On the one hand, many people claim that complying with local customs and behaviour may generate more significant benefits. To begin with, visitors can broaden their knowledge about the world. This is because of their precious opportunities to immerse themselves in exotic practices of native residents. Besides, it could help people avoid misunderstandings or inappropriate behaviors. For example, in Vietnam that people must not wear revealing clothes in places of worship because of disrespect, which is relatively familiar to Western visitors.
On the other hand, it is believed that multicultural environment brings a wide range of advantages to both host country and its residents. By embracing new cultures, the country could gain friendly and tolerant impression. As a result, it may be offered a prospect of increasing foreign tourists, thereby boosting the national economy. Meanwhile, cultural differences could lead to innovation, which benefits the local. Accordingly, exposure to modern thoughts may result in new customs being adopted and backward ones being abandoned.
In conclusion, both sides of the argument have its merit. However, it seems to me that it would be more advantageous if nonnative travelers follow their own cultures. | hnguyn7 | Nov 12, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/culture-diversity-host-country-93817/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The student is merely repeating the same errors using different prompt topics. This is his 3rd essay posted here that does not show any signs of improvement as the same errors keep coming up, just with different discussion topics. As I have previously given him improvement advice and instructions (in his first ever post at this forum), based upon my teaching style, that helps all the students who listen to and learn from me, I can sense that he does not receive my criticism constructively nor does he wish to consider my advice for his improvement. Which is why I am surprised he would continue to participate in this forum considering he does not regard my advice important enough to use for his writing improvement.
Since he does not wish to learn from me, he may leave this forum with my best wishes. If he believes I should be reviewing his work based on his actual tutor's teaching style, he has another thing coming. I cannot review essays and give improvement advice based on the teaching style of someone else. He should have that tutor review his work and advice him on improvements instead. He cannot learn from 2 different teachers for the same test. He will only succeed in failing the test if he confuses himself too much due to conflicting writing lessons. | Holt | Nov 12, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/culture-diversity-host-country-93817/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Children should be strictly controlled, this asserts by some parents and teachers. Others disagree.***
## Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Opinions are divided on whether some parents and teachers should strictly manage children. While many people argue that it could be better to put children under control, I myself believe that it is essential for children to behave without regulation.
Supporters of this suppose that the supervision of parents and teachers may be beneficial for their children. They could provide children with proper educational methods and good orientation. This is because they are not only richly experienced but also well-qualified. Therefore, children could be prevented from bad habits as well as meet the standards of behavior. For example, they may not cheat in exam as being learned lessons about honesty from adults.
On the other hand, their control may trigger substantial drawbacks on children. To begin with, parents and teachers tend to cope with the prospect of their children being unconfident and passive in their work and life due to being over dependent on others. As a consequence, they could never go out of their comfort zone and obtain crowning achievement. In addition, negative reactions can be provoked when children are not allowed to do what they desire. In the long run, they could develop anti-social behaviours such as violence, alcohol abuse, bullying and so on.
In conclusion, both sides of the argument have its merit. However, from the above analysis, it seems to me that it will be better if children are not under supervision of parents and teachers. | hnguyn7 | Nov 12, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-strictly-controlled-asserts-parents-93814/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
It is difficult to decide where to begin with the review of this failing score essay. Do I start with how the prompt restatement is incorrect and incomplete? Maybe I should start from the incorrect response format? Or perhaps the way the writer does not properly represent his personal opinion / point of view in the essay? Where do I start? I guess simply stating the errors as I did in this paragraph would be one way to kick this off. He can easily spot these errors and correct them based on the original prompt discussion presentation.
How can I offer advice to a student who did not listen to the first set of improvements that I suggested he makes to improve his writing for this type of prompt the first time? Perhaps he has another tutor who is teaching him how to write his essays? Which is why he completely disregarded the first set of advice I gave him to help him better address this prompt format. In which case, I cannot help him because he is getting confused by the two different writing styles being taught to him. It is not that I am a bad adviser, it is that the student is confusing himself by using too many teachers. | Holt | Nov 12, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-strictly-controlled-asserts-parents-93814/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Children today play very violent games.
***This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world.
What are your opinions on this?***
It is argued that the high number of violence and crime is due to violent games played by kids nowadays. This essay totally agrees with this statement. I believe that children's behavior and providing care by the parents play an important role in this problem.
Firstly, playing games at an early age could constitute their behavior. The fact that children learn by what they see and they will mimic that action without thinking about its consequences, this is called "instinct". Therefore, letting kids play violent games could distort their perception and could push them into delusion about violence such as killing, murder, and shooting,... According to BBC, a renowned television program, it is approximately 55% of the number of crimes last year derived from people who think they were playing violent games in real life.
Secondly, it is vital that parents should spend more time with their children. Living in the metropolis is harsh, it makes people spend more time earning money rather than playing with their kids. As a result, parents often let the kids play games to entertain and find happiness with their friends. In the long run, they will adapt to this and might be addicted to playing games; it will become one of their hobbies. There is a lesson that prevention is better than cure, if parents play with their children and take care of them more often, the children will not have the chance to do wrong things.
In conclusion, the number of violence and crime in most metropolis of the world increases because of letting children play violent games too early and failure to proving care from their parents. | ducanhng | Nov 12, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-play-violent-games-reason-increase-93816/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There is a problem with the stand of the writer in this essay in that he changed the focus of the essay from video games to the responsibility of parents when it comes to providing care for their children. That should not happen in an opinion essay of this sort. Why? The discussion focus is clearly indicated in the original statement. It should never deviate from 2 reasons based upon:
CHILDREN TODAY PLAY VERY VIOLENT GAMES.
Nowhere in the prompt do they ask if the parents have a responsibility in this scenario. Only violent video games are to blame for:
for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world.
These are the 2 topics that should be discussed over 2 reasoning paragraphs. The first reasoning paragraph should cover the reasons why children play violent video games. The second, should explain how the video games result in real world violence from the influence of GTA on car theft and copycat attacks on people using MMA or wrestling video games as a basis.
The overall essay does not respond to the task as required. It is a failing score essay due to the prompt deviation and lack of relevant discussion points. This is too bad since the word count of the essay was just perfect for high scoring consideration. Unfortunately, misread the prompt discussion instruction and the essay will definitely receive a failing score. | Holt | Nov 12, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-play-violent-games-reason-increase-93816/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Holt
ty very much i really appreciate that | ducanhng | Nov 12, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-play-violent-games-reason-increase-93816/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## percentage of people visit to gym 1990 to 2010
The line chart shows the proportion of people going to gym in different groups of ages in Europe from 1990 to 2010.
Overall, the number of European people spending time on gym increased gradually over the period of 20 years. However, there was a much higher percentage of young people went to gym than ones in group of 45 and over.
In 1990, under 10% of adults in Europe took part in gym activities, with approximately 10% of people from 25 to 34, 9% of people from 18 to 24, 6% of 35-44 group and only 4% of people over 45. Over the next eight years, while the number of people visiting gym in the group of 35-44 and over 45 saw a slight rose, at 12% and 9% respectively, the figure for two younger ones increased sharply to 28% each.
By 2010, the figure for people aging from 18 to 24 had steadily gone up to nearly 60%, while proportion of adults in 25-34 group had risen to 50%. In contrast, the figure for those in 35-44 and above 45 experienced a significantly rise, at 30% and 20% respectively.
* | DanielDang | Nov 12, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/information-european-people-visited-gym-93812/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A text composed of 190 words will find itself in a good position to receive positive scoring considerations based on the rubic requirements. The writer also need to be careful though because the number of words can also go the opposite way and force him to make avoidable grammar errors.
The text did prove to be the shortcoming of this informative presentation. The sentence structures are incorrect and the punctuation usage is severely limited. Both problems will lead to a lowering of the GRA score due to limited punctuation usage and run-on sentence usage. Each paragraph should be at least 3 sentences long for starters, but no more than 5 sentences towards the end of the paragraph. This is to allow for the full and proper explanation development of the reporting paragraphs.
There is a slight information error in the trending statement. This is supposed to be a general reference measurement sentence / paragraph so specific references such as age groups should not be mentioned at this point. Use a vague reference next time. It would also help if the writer enumerated the information included in the image so that the quick reference guide will be complete when reading it in short form. | Holt | Nov 12, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/information-european-people-visited-gym-93812/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## extracurricular activities positive effect to students
In this day and age, students not only acquire knowledge at school but also participate in extracurricular activities, which enables them to pursue their hobbies. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of extracurricular activities to secondary school students.
To begin with, extracurricular activities are chances for pupils to broaden their minds about social things, besides subjects and theoretical lessons. Sitting in the class is likely to cause boredom, lack of interest, and applications of that subject in reality. For instance, a field trip encourages students to make use of what they have learned from educators. Furthermore, students can also gain practical experiences, soft skills, interpersonal skills under their belt. One widely accepted advantage of learning outdoors is that pupils feel at ease during the time they input the knowledge. A classic example is that in History, students should make their way to relics, historic places, or in Biology, they could pay a visit to the rainforests, organic farms.
On the other hand , nowadays, not only academic transcripts that vital but also the involvement of pupils in social work. Students are under pressure because there are high standards for them from there parents, instructors. Certificates awarded for enrolling in the campaigns, projects are what student these days are seeking for. The certificates show the abilities in different fields, students's passion, enthusiasm. This is in highly-demand in today modern world as everyone tries to become a global citizen. For example, at prestigious universities such as Havard, Stanford, Oxford,.. the authority assesses students profiles to have a look at their qualifications, degrees. It would be preferred if the students earn high scores on SAT, ACT or even have music certificates like Trinity, Ameb.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that extracurricular activities have many positive effect to students. Schools should involve more activities in the curricula since it inevitably play a great role in students's studying. | mai_anh_doan | Nov 12, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/discuss-benefits-extracurricular-activities-93811/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The student has not understood the meaning of an extra curricular activity. He has focused incorrectly on outside learning activities as covered by school curriculum such as field trips and other types of certification. All of which fall under academic learning, regardless of location.
An extra curricular activity is something that the student does for enjoyment that does not necessarily include formal learning as discussed in this essay. Examples of extra curricular activities are clubs, athletics, or hobbies. These are done outside of the school curriculum and are participated in during off school hourse such as weekends, holidays, or after school. Another term for extra curricular activities would be after school activities or any activity the person participates in that does not include any sort of school supervision or learning slant.
Based on this definition of extra curricular activities, the examiner will immediately understand that the writer did not understand the true meaning of the word. The writer had a different concept of the word meaning that does not apply to the discussion. Therefore, there will no choice on the examiner's part but to give a failing score to this essay due to an irrelevant discussion presentation. | Holt | Nov 12, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/discuss-benefits-extracurricular-activities-93811/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## changes in the birth rates - China vs USA
The given line graph illustrates data regarding how the rates of birth in China and the USA fluctuated from 1920 to 2000.
Overall, while both nations witnessed a general downward trend, the USA's birth proportion was slightly higher than that of China over the provided period.
In terms of the natality rate of America, although commencing at above 10% in 1920, the fertility percentage in this country took a dramatic plunge, hitting a low point at around 5% in 1945, then bouncing back to 15% for the following five years, at which point, the proportion showed a gradual decrease to roughly 7% in 2000.
Likewise, the Chinese counterpart underwent a comparatively similar pattern. Particularly, the fertility rate of China started at 10% in 1920, then fluctuated to 15% in 1935 before declining sharply to a plateau from 1940 to 1945. It was at this time that the volume demonstrated significant growth, reaching a peak of 20% in 1950. Since then, it fell steadily to approximately 3% in 2000.
* | halinh2000 | Nov 8, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/data-regarding-rates-birth-fluctuated-china-93803/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The summary overview is too short. The summary overview should be at least 3 sentences long. That means the paragraph should refer to:
Sentence 1: Type of image
Sentence 2: Image reference
Sentence 3: Measurement type used
The trending summary should also be at least 3 sentences long if indicated as a stand alone paragraph. That is done when explaining a 2 or 3 image trend. In instances where that is not possible, the single trending sentence should be combined into the summary overview as sentence 4. This is done to help the paragraphs meet the academic requirement of 3-5 sentences per presentation section.
A major examination of the GRA skills of the writer will be done by the examiner for this essay. The reason being that he does not complete paragraph presentations, only run-on sentences. Run-on sentences will result in an overall failing score because the information presentation is too compressed and leads to a confusing explanation. The writer also shows limited sentence structuring abilities, a lack of punctuation usage knowledge, and an inability to clearly explain his thoughts to the reader.
These are the main reasons why, even though the writing meets the minimum word requirements, it will not receive a passing score. | Holt | Nov 8, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/data-regarding-rates-birth-fluctuated-china-93803/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
These are my comments:
- The sentence "the Chinese counterpart underwent a comparatively similar pattern" should be put in overview
- The third paragraph should be divided into smaller sentences, you used such a complicated structure. | hnguyn7 | Nov 8, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/data-regarding-rates-birth-fluctuated-china-93803/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## **Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to success**
.
*What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?*
In these modern days, children are the one who are hoped to be successful by parents so parents have to push hard on their children. In this essay, I will first explain the reason for doing this and secondly will evaluate if this can lead to a good development.
There are various causes to put pressure on children, yet two of them will be explained. At the begining, in the young ages, youngsters often cannot focus on their main work, such as studying, and can easily get distracted by any games. The Scientists have stated that there are a numerous rate children who choose playing rather than studying. So that parents have to put their eyes on their children to make sure that kids will not get distracted. Furthermore, succeed is the only thing people fight for, the same as the caregivers, they want their youngsters to have the good position in society. For example, Asian parents will take their kids to many academic centers to learn at extra classes, thus they win with flying colors and be a good leader. Therefore, children have more pressure by their parents.
Many people believe this prespective lead to a positive development because ancientors have once said pressure can make a diamond. For instance, if a young child is put enough pressure by his caregivers, definitely oneday that child will have a lot of social positions. As a result, not only the child prouds of himself or herself but also he or she become the good example for many people.
In conclusion, as fas as I concern, chidren can be in their better version within the parents' pressure and this sould be encouraged more. I suggest parents should put pressure on their children in the right method so that advoided children being stressed. | Maria_Ph | Nov 7, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-family-topic-talk-pressure-93797/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The first paragraph is the writer's restatement and opnion presentation. This is based on the original discussion directive. It is a direct restatement of the original topic. It should not included writer's opinion in the opening presentation. In this instance, the writer's opinion
children are the one who are hoped to be successful by parents
should not be a part of the restatement. It can however, be integrated into the direct response for the writer's opinion.
The writer's opinion should directly respond to the questions being asked by presenting a summarized form of his reasoning paragraphs. That means, the writer should not restate the discussion instructions because he will not receive a TA score for that. The TA score is based at the start on the writer's direct responses to the provided questions. Known as the thesis statement, it helps establish the discussion path of the essay in the succeeding paragraphs.
The reasoning paragraph division is incorrect in this presentation. While the second paragraph or first reasoning paragraph establishes the reasons behind the pressure and equally establishes the evidence for this claim, The positive or negative opinion was not clearly explained in the next paragraph as expected. Rather, the writer incorrectly used it as a concluding statement for the essay, which would lead to an automatic failing score. The automatic failing score will be due to the lack of proper summarized conclusion based on the preceding discussion. The positive or negative opinion should have been a stand alone third paragraph or second reasoning paragraph because it requires a completely developed discussion and evidence presentation similar to the causes paragraph. This is only a 4 paragraph discussion based on the provided discussion topics. The questions will always dictate the number of reasoning paragraphs, which will range between 2 - 3 paragraphs. The rule of thumb is:
1 question = 2 reasoning paragraphs
2 questions = 2 reasoning paragraphs
3 questions = 3 reasoning paragraphs
An additional error in the concluding statement is that the writer indicated a possible solution or suggestion to the situation. This is a statement that is not a part of the discussion development instruction. It led to a prompt change as it is an additional topic. Additionally, it left the essay without a proper concluding summary presentation. The lack of a proper summary conclusion will always result in a failing score for the essay. | Holt | Nov 7, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-family-topic-talk-pressure-93797/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Maria\_Ph
Maybe, it can be better that you should center your final quote to the questions itself by giving a response to them instead of what are your solutions to the problem. | Kjavier | Nov 7, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-family-topic-talk-pressure-93797/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
... are the ~~one~~ones who are ... (this sentence is too complicated, i reckon you should put 2 clauses in 1 sentence). In this essay, I will ... (How about this: My essay will give explanations of this before my own justification is given.)
... At the begining, **in the young ages, youngsters** (i think you should choose one of them to avoid duplication) often cannot focus ... get distracted by ~~any~~ games. The Scientists have stated that there are a numerous rate children who choose playing rather than studying. *(this example is unreliable)***(this example is unreliable)** So that parents ... kids will not get distracted. Furthermore, ... For example, ... centers to learn ~~at~~ extra classes (learn sth), thus they ~~win~~ could pass the exams with flying colors ...
(...)
In conclusion, ... and this sould be encouraged more. I suggest ... the right method so that ~~advoided~~ children being stressed. (my recommendation: in order to prevent children from being stressed) | hnguyn7 | Nov 7, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-family-topic-talk-pressure-93797/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## proportion of time spent with phones and tablets
The graphics compare information about the duration which people use for smartphones and tablets.
It can be clearly seen that the proportions of games and social networking account for the largest part on both devices. Whereas, news and utilities take up the least on smartphones and tablets respectively.
Playing games makes up over a third of total time spent on smartphones (35%). Besides, the time of spending on the same on smartphones is more than a half (57%). Then, the second largest percentage of time spent on both devices is still similar, that is social networking. But they use it on smartphones almost twice as much time than they use it on tablets.
When it comes to news, on average people spend the least time on it, just 3% on smartphones and 4% on tablets. Meanwhile, the proportion of time spent on utilities on smartphones (20%) is nearly sevenfold on tablets (3%). In addition, there is not much difference between 2 devices in time consumed on music, videos and other uses.
* | dqhuy3108 | Nov 9, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/time-spent-smartphones-tablets-category-93806/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The word "graphics" could indicate numerous image types. It is not specific enough to describe a task 1 image. The type and number of images must always be properly indicated in the summary overview. Otherwise, the summary will only serve to confuse the reader and lower the C+C and GRA preliminary scores for this report.
By having a stand alone trending reference, the essay misses out on the proper formatting for this analytical presentation. The trend should be folded into the summary overview and then 3 reporting paragraphs should be presented for the reporting analysis. The 3 paragraph format should be used for the report since this is a 2 image reference study.
As far as the grammar of the writer, he must remember that an English sentence should not start with the transition words "because", "but, or "and" because these are conjunctions which are used to connect related ideas within a single sentence. As such, it cannot be used at the start of a sentence since there is no information to connect at that point. | Holt | Nov 9, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/time-spent-smartphones-tablets-category-93806/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some people say that the elderly ought to live at senior homes. Others think that they should live with their family members.***
## Do you agree or disagree?
It is a common belief that nursing homes are the best place for the elderly. However, I firmly believe that they should live with their blood relatives because family members are responsible for taking care of them and they will live happier when living with their relatives for the rest of their life.
To begin with, family members must be responsible for caring for their parents and grandparents. In childhood, children were nurtured and educated by their parents, and parents devoted their time, effort, and even youth to bringing kids up. When parents get older, children must have an obligation to look after them back. For example, there are numerous extended families in Vietnam where multi generations live together under the same roof and it is a chance for family members to show love and care for their parents and grandparents.
On top of that, the elderly will live happier when living with their family members. When living with their blood relatives, bonds and relationships among members make them feel positive and peaceful. While living at senior homes, the old get lonely and feel abandoned which raises the high rate of experiencing sickness in their old age. According to a recent survey, the elderly tend to have higher life expectancy when they live with their blood relatives and are treated well. This demonstrates how essential relationships with family members are to help the old live happier.
To sum up, family members should have responsibility for caring for their parents and grandparents and the old will live happier when living with their relatives. For these reasons, it is clear that the elderly should live with their blood relatives for the rest of their life. | Huong Pham | Nov 9, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/senior-homes-best-places-elderly-93805/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer has misrepresented the original discussion topic in the prompt restatement section. Since there are actually 2 points of view being explained in the first version, it is not proper to say that the idea is a "common belief". He cannot interpret only one of the 2 provided ideas. He must restate each idea individually in the restatement. Otherwise, the accuracy of the restatement is faulty and will not meet the maximum positive scoring requirements for that particular section. He also forgot to respond directly to the question before offering his thesis statement. Although his reasoning sentence does indicated which side of the discussion he supports, the examiner still expects to read a direct response to the question as integrated into the thesis statement. The response should have been:
I disagree with the idea that the elderly should live in homes because...
Always blend the direct response with the reasoning summary to help meet the clear opinion statement requirement.
Save for this particular shortcoming, the essay actually carries sound discussion points and properly stays on track with the single opinion defense response in both reasoning paragraphs. Good word on the explanation development. Even with the error at the start, I sense that this essay should receive at least a base passing score. | Holt | Nov 9, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/senior-homes-best-places-elderly-93805/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
In these days, with the light of proliferation of technology, many people, and children in particular, are passionate about playing games on digital devices. Even though some people argue that these games can play positive role in daily lives, I firmly convince that it can have potentially negative long-term effects on users.
On the one hand, it can be understandable that computer games prompt the players to entertain and study. Initially, there are a wide range of games are equipped with detailed instruction teaching fundamental attributes to players. For instance, Cooking Mama game bring an opportunity for players to know more recipes and gradually sharpen their cooking skills. Therefore, gaming applications are likely to accumulate the user's knowledge as well as skills, which is possibly necessary to become the fully participating members of society in the future. Furthermore, games designed with catchy tune, fascinating plot and beautiful characters also unwind the gaming players after a stressful week of work.
Notwithstanding all aforementioned merits, there are several incentives surrounding my outlook. First and foremost, there is a tendency that video games not only affect user's study adversely but also accompany with their health. In this day and age, users are constantly given scores, a new targets and frequent rewards to keep them playing. Nowadays, people may consider amusements as " must-have company" and glue to the smart gadgets whenever and wherever they can. As a results, sooner or later, they would be contracted with various illness and study downfall. To illustrate, in the statistics in my hometown recently, the majority of eye-weaken people, ranging from young to adult, spend at least 3 hours playing amusing app.
In conclusion, it may be desirable that although playing computer games broaden the horizon of gamers, in my perspective, potential dangers of these games are more significant than possible upsides. | Hunne | Nov 7, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/potential-dangers-drawbacks-video-games-93798/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer clearly understands what the discussion topic is about. However, his approach to the discussion does not follow the single opinion format as required. The examiner will fully expect the writer to strongly defend his opinion within the 2 discussion paragraphs. That means, the writer must follow the compare and contrast format for the response presentation. The format is:
Why is it a positive? State the reasons that would convince the reader it is truly a positive factor. Be as convincing as possible. Then, think about the same reasons and why it would be a negative. In this essay, the writer indicated that these games would sharpen the skills of the player. Yes, it enhances visual acuity, but it does not sharpen the real time, physical, practical skills of the player in terms of cooking. That is where the actual drawback of the benefit lies. The reason of the writer is then based on a proper explanation of the misunderstanding regarding skills development within a video game. This is only an example of the type of explanation that the examiner would tend to score more highly than the version the writer decided to use.
Remember that the clue to the discussion topics are presented in the original prompt. The keywords that represent the correct discussion are:
Video games
Harmless fun
useful educational tools
Adverse effect
These are the reflection points the writer must use during his outlining and drafting stage to allow for a prompt directed discussion leading to a balanced opinion presentation. By pairing the keywords for use in each discussion paragraph, the writer will reflect a fully developed discussion as expected by the examiner. He should present paragraphs that focus on:
Reason 1: Video games are harmful fun - health issues, lack of physical exercise, etc. may be considered for the discussion
Reason 2: Has an adverse effect as an educational tool - Lack of proper physical skills development in relation to the game being played. (e.g. Cooking Mama - physical knife skills, ability to properly use kitchen equipment, etc.) | Holt | Nov 7, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/potential-dangers-drawbacks-video-games-93798/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@Hunne
i would be great if you represent your ideas linked with the information about it in order to have a better solid concept and make your revisor believe that you really mean it and you are not just giving another point of view like anyone else could possibly do it. | Kjavier | Nov 7, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/potential-dangers-drawbacks-video-games-93798/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## energy usage in an average Australian household
The pie charts compare the proportions of energy use in an average Australian household through six activities, and the percentage of the greenhouse gas emissions from those actions.
Overall, it can be seen that heating contains the largest proportion of energy use, while the opposite is true for cooling. Additionally, water heating has the largest percentage of gas emission out of six aspects. Furthermore, cooling has the lowest amount of gas exhaust.
Regarding the first chart, the percentage of consumed energy is highest in heating, at 42%, followed by water heating and other appliances, with 30% and 15% respectively. 7% of energy is expensed in refrigeration, whilst powders in lighting account for 4%. Besides, energy consumed in cooling was the least, at only 2%.
In terms of the second chart, 32% of gas emission is created by water heating, similar to that of other actions, at 28%. Heating contains 15%, which is 1% higher than the figure for refrigeration. The amount of gas exhaust in lighting is much lower, at 8%, while cooling only almost half of that, at 3%. | trang0912 | Nov 7, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/first-chart-shows-energy-used-average-93795/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
When developing the summary overview, separate the image identifiers and the respective image content. That is to clearly indicate how the division of information is set out, even without giving the actual number of images provided. Remove the confusion about which image informs about what. It is always clearer to say :
"*Pie Chart A indicates the proportion of energy used... Pie chart B supports this information by indicating information related to..."*
The trending paragraph would also benefit from a much clearer reference that clearly relates the image, the information and the trend. Just format the presentation to something similar to the example above. These clarified presentations will allow the exam taker to gain a higher preliminary TA score.
Overall, the information sharing is acceptable throughout the presentation. However, the way the images relate to the information remain confusing and unclear to the reader. A major factor for the reduction in the C+C and GRA score of this essay. Learn to create clearer sentences that prioritize clarity for scoring purposes over the quickness by which the information is shared. Every paragraph is allowed up to 5 sentences or 200 words (whichever comes first) anyway. | Holt | Nov 7, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/first-chart-shows-energy-used-average-93795/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
As usual, people often write their Overview in the last paragraph? | Maria_Ph | Nov 7, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/first-chart-shows-energy-used-average-93795/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## English 102
***Women are more prone to developing the autoimmune disease hypothyroidism than men are.***
Draft, Resources, and Assignments
November 1, 2022
Luisa
Ryan Jones
22642
11.01.2022
Women are more prone to developing the autoimmune disease hypothyroidism than men are.
Research has shown that women are more likely to develop issues with their thyroid than men are. There can be various reason for why women are more susceptible to hypothyroidism however, but the exact reason is still unclear. This issue affects so many women's lives (some cases worse than others) and there should be more research being done to prevent and resolve hypothyroidism.
One significant factor why women can be more prone to develop hypothyroidism is because of pregnancy. During pregnancy, the woman's body is put through a significant number of changes, physically and appearance wise but internally as well. According to Narayana Health, one of these changes are that "Women experience a high flux of hormones during pregnancy and again, at menopause." (thyroid.org, p.2)
Another reason hypothyroidism is more prevalent in pregnant women is because the immune system is working overtime and can mistakenly start attacking the thyroid. This causes the thyroid gland to not produce the correct number of hormones the body needs. Women are put through so many hormonal changes during pregnancy, adding a disease like hypothyroidism can be dangerous to not only the mother but to the baby as well. (thyoid.org, p2)
When it comes to hypothyroidism, there are multiple symptoms to look for that can help with an early diagnosis. Educating yourself of these symptoms can help you bring awareness to others who may be suffering unknowingly from hypothyroidism. Hopkins Medicine states that "symptoms are different for each person. They are usually hard to notice and start slowly. These symptoms can also be mistaken for symptoms of depression." The symptoms can include fatigue, weight gain, dry hair, and skin, irregular menstrual cycle, etc.
The good news is that hypothyroidism is treatable and can easily be diagnosed. With a blood test the doctor can tell you if you have hypothyroidism and then go on to treat the autoimmune disease. According to the NHS the blood test will measure the level of the T3 and T4. "Low levels of thyroid-producing hormones, such as triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4), can change the way the body processes fat." It is important that this be treated because it can cause more long-term effects such as heart disease. (NHS, p.3)
It is important to know that hypothyroidism is when your thyroid gland is underactive. Hypothyroidism is not curable but can be treated with medication. The medication that is usually used to treat hypothyroidism is called levothyroxine and is taken once daily for the rest of your life. This medication will help your thyroid function normally, there for alleviating your symptoms giving you a better quality of life. (Dr.Brighten)
Works Cited
Health, Narayana. "The Thyroid Gland: Let's Get to Know It." Narayana Health Care
"Hypothyroidism in Pregnancy." American Thyroid Association
"Hypothyroidism (Underactive Thyroid)." Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research | dentalluisa | Nov 6, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/women-prone-developing-autoimmune-disease-93793/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The magic phrase in this essay title is "than men". The existence of this phrase means that the research should follow a comparison of signs, symptoms, and effects between the two genders. Comparing the similarities and differences that lead to women being more prone to developing hypothyrodism than men. Presented information cannot focus on the effects upon women alone because that creates an imbalanced discussion (owing to the research paper title).
A more appropriate format would probably be to open with the effects of the illness among men. Giving a semi indepth discussion of the causes and effects of the illness leading into the consideration of how the women are affected by the same illness. As the focus changes to solely the effects upon women, insertions of further studies regarding men in comparison with the women dealing with the illness can be made. The same can be said for the comparison of available and possibly different treatments available for men and women. Is there a common treatment that is highly effective for both genders? Such a format will create a far more balanced and information considerate discussion for the presentation. | Holt | Nov 6, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/women-prone-developing-autoimmune-disease-93793/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Please give me some feedbacks. Thank a lot!
Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that more money should be funded to railways than roads by officials. In my perspective, I agree with this statement because railways are faster at carrying things and they are more environmentally friendly.
First of all, we can clearly see that railways can transport a large number of goods at a fast speed. This is due to the fact that railways are designed to carry a huge amount of loads, particularly they can carry some raw materials such as coal. Moreover, the goods and passengers can also be delivered faster because there is no traffic congestion like cars. For example, a train can deliver 300 passengers and tons of goods from north to south Viet Nam in just 4 hours long. This will cost greatly if we use other types of transportation such as cars to deliver the same amount of loads.
Another noticeable advantage of railways is that they are environmentally friendly. Compare to cars, the total amount of air pollution released by railways is far less severe. For example, A study by the Hanoi university of technology and economics reported that to transport 1 ton of goods, a train release 30 percent less air pollution compared to a car. Therefore, railways are more eco-friendly and deal less damage to nature than a car because of the amount of carbon dioxide emitted.
In conclusion, more money should be spent on railways rather than roads by the governments because railways can transfer larger loads and are more environment oriented. | Lanternna | Nov 2, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/governments-spend-money-railways-93778/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay could have been longer in terms of discussion explanation and better formatted in terms of presentation to allow for a higher scoring consideration. Yes, the writer has writter 2 words more than the minimum, but that does not mean that the essay wil qualify for higher scoring considerations per rubic consideration. Try to lengthen the discussion to at least 275 words. That way the scoring bonuses can be applied.
As far as prompt restatements and writer's opinions go, this is one of the better developed presentations. Specifically, the opinion presentation uses the linking words in a manner that offers a clear opinion + thesis statement. What makes this paragraph weak though? Well, the writer actually provided a good opinion, but forgot that this is a measured response statement so the degree of opinion support must be indicated. It is not just a simple yes or no question. It is an emotional response based explanation. Since the degree of response is not present at the start or the end, point deductions will be applied due to a semi non compliant response format.
Good work on the reasoning paragraphs as well. The writer properly defended the writer's opinion using well considered supporting statements and examples. The problem actually shows up in the final paragraph. It is a run-on sentence that does not properly represent the needs of the paragraph. For starters, it should be at least 40 words long. That minimum word count for the paragraph should be spread out over 3-4 sentences in this case as it should summarize the topic, opinion, and reasoning paragraphs to complete the reverse paraphrase presentation.
The writer shows the potential to score higher than average based on this writing. Making adjustments to the writing style based on the above observations should help better his score in the next practice test. | Holt | Nov 2, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/governments-spend-money-railways-93778/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## writing task 1 - cam 17 test 2
The provided line graph illustrates how many retail stores were opened and shut down annually from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, what stands out from the graph is the downward trend in the figures for closed shops and new shops, with the most dramatic decline being seen in the number of openings.
The number of openings started at 8,500 in 2011 after which it witnessed a significant decrease to 4,000 in 2012, then rose to more than 6,000 shops in the next year. From 2015 to 2017, the figure remained unchanged, with about 4,000 shops per year. Ending the period, the number of new shops is one in three of those in the first year.
Similarly, the figure for closures was at 6,400 shops in 2011, lower than the openings, followed by a slight drop in year 1, then gradually grew from 6,000 in 2012 to more than 7,000 shops in the next year. However, this number then considerably fell and reached the lowest peak of 500 shops in 2015 and then remained stable in the last three years of the peroid. | nguyentrang2809 | Oct 31, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/retail-stores-opened-shut-down-cam-test-93768/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |