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Based on the extensive writing done in this essay, I can only assume that the writer is doing self- study for this test. That is the only acceptable explanation as to why be would over-write, over-analyze, and lack in proper response formatting in consideration of the provided prompt. While the writer maybe a typist who can complete over 500 words in 40 minutes, the purpose of this test is to prove the ability to discuss a given debate topic as if he were writing a time limited exam in class. The essay must be concise and more properly focused on a quick explanation of 5 sentences within a paragraph. While there is no maximum word count, 250-300 words has been found to bethe most highly scored word count overall.
The writer did not provide a proper emotional or measured response to the question. Rather than providing the expected 3 sentence response, he immediately began the discussion. Such a deviation results in an automatic failing score. The 3 sentence requirement should indicate:
1. A simple sentence topic restatement.
2. A brief measured response.
3. The summarized reasoning topics/ thesis statement.
The vocabulary used tends to be advanced in usage, but not easily understandable in everyday use. The vocabulary need not be too advanced as such words do not normally suit the discussion or are aused outof content with regards to word meaning or sentence/ paragraph meaning. So rather than helping the score, it proves to be unhelpful instead. That can be avoided if the writer focuses on conciseness rather than only a high sectional score.
These are but the tip of the problem with the writing presentation. I highly suggest the student reviews the related task essays before proceeding to create more practice essays. The lessons and observations provided in those essays will be most helpful to him as a beginner. | Holt | Dec 23, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/life-unhealthier-past-century-agree-93983/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Grammatical errors and wrong word usage
No defined thesis statement
The point in your paragraph three is not well structured, it's supposed to be a comparison. Beginning with 'while' instead of 'then' could be helpful.
The points are there but you need to structure them accurately in a more concise manner that directly responds to the prompt. | Exceptional | Dec 23, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/life-unhealthier-past-century-agree-93983/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the last of a particular species of plants and animals.
Others say that there are more important environmental problems.***
## Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
This is my essay:
It is believed by some that the primary environmental issue faced by humans is the last of specific species of plants and animals, while others believe that there are graver environmental issues. While the disappearance of certain species can result in a rise in certain illnesses, there are more crucial environmental issues faced by humans, such as air pollution.
On the one hand, the disappearance of some species can lead to widespread diseases caused by some animals. This is because those species feed upon certain animals and plants that are dangerous to people. Their disappearance will exponentially increase the population of these animals and the diseases they transmit. For example, in Italy, they conducted an experiment in which they got rid of cats in one of their cities. This led to an overpopulation of rats throughout that city and led to a spike in rat-borne illnesses. However, I disagree that this is the biggest environmental threat because there are technological remedies that can address this issue.
On the other hand, it is thought that air pollution is the gravest issue that humans have to deal with. This is because there has been a significant increase in activities that contribute negatively to the environment in recent times. There are several factories setup in every country that release toxic gases into the atmosphere, which makes the air harmful for us to breathe and can result in several health complications, such as lung and heart diseases. For example, the NHS reports admitting several patients each year for preventable lung conditions who live closer to such factories. Therefore, I agree with this view because it is detrimental to one's health.
In conclusion, even though the extinction of some species can result in an increase in certain diseases, the pollution of the air is more crucial and should be dealt with at the earliest.
Thank you in advance for the comments! | umers | Dec 25, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/loss-plants-animals-major-environmental-issues-93987/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I found at least 2 severe word usage problems that would lead to a failing LR score. You incorrectly used the words "last" and "graver" throughout the essay.
Last refers to a type of finality while graver is an engraving tool. The essay topic is about the "loss" of a species. As for your opinion, I believe you meant to use the reference "greater" indicating more important problems. Such word usage errors when the writer knows the meaning of a word, but not the spelling. In these cases, referring to a dictionary would be best. The problem is that a dictionary will not be available during the actual test so improving your vocabulary pre-test is of the utmost importance.
Another first paragraph problem is that the writer has not properly formatted the opinion sentence. It should clearly indicate that the last sentence use an opinion and discussion basis formulated by the writer. Proper pronoun usage is needed throughout.
Proper first, second, and third pronoun usage helps indicate the correct comparative discussion format in the paragraphs. Pronoun referencing results in a better GRA score since it shows knowledge of correct grammar usage on the ESL part. Right know there are no differentiation pronouns used so the essay is single rather than multiple view reflective, which does not meet the discussion instruction.
Each reasoning paragraph could also be scored as needing more development since the personal opinion only states an opumon without a complete explanation why it is such. Those need to be at least 2 sentences long to achieve that.
There are actually more problems with this essay but this observation post will run too long. Focus on these basic problems first and show improvement with your next essay. We can address more improvement points then. | Holt | Dec 25, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/loss-plants-animals-major-environmental-issues-93987/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Thank you for the feedback. Will definitely work on identified mistakes. Could you please provide me with a band score along with the breakdown if possible? | umers | Dec 25, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/loss-plants-animals-major-environmental-issues-93987/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I spent 40 minutes completing the below essay. Hopefully to receive some feedback from all of you. Thank you so much.
***Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with.
## Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion.***
Some people would agree that we should experience various cultures. There is a different opinion, however, whether people should be a creature of habit. In this essay, I will examine both views and state my own opinion.
A group of people spends their interest on experiencing new things, such as locations or foods. Indeed, it is believed to stimulate their curiosity and equip them an open mind. Not only enjoy the journeys, but they also acquire diversified thoughts from the various cultures. For instance, the Feng Shui used to be a strange concept in the Western. Nevertheless, thanks to the cultural exchange activities, they learn how to apply it into the daily life, such as house decoration or fashioning.
On the other hand, some people only would like to be under their daily routines. The unfamiliar activities will stress them and prevent from being downshifting. Indeed, they always feel connecting with their living area and enjoying the current values. It seems to be a common concept for most Eastern wives. Their paramount priority is families, thus they usually keep their attention on taking care of the children and fertilizing husband career. As a consequence, it is hard for them to spend time on experiences outsides their families.
To sum up, both of these opposite sides of the debate seem to have valid reasons for their argument. It appears that try new things yet maintain a daily routine. Personally, I believe that any decision regarding this matter should be made with consideration of the ideas from both sides. | long_hoangeiu | Dec 24, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/new-experiences-versus-daily-routines-93984/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Good work on the restatement using 2 topic sentences. These were very clear reinterpretations that showed accurate English comprehension abilities. The examiner would have expected you to have delivered a clear personal opinion though. Just to help him provide you with a related TA score. He cannot provide a score for that aspect when all you did was repeat the discussion instruction. That fails to deliver a clear preliminary writer's opinion when it mattered to the starting score.
Unfortunately, the solid discussion paragraphs fall short of being fully developed because you did not offer your opinion for each statement. For a high cohesive paragraph score you should not only present public reasons to A support the topic idea, you should also explain why you support or do not support the public perception.
Additionally, there is a weakness in the examples being used. While you did discuss the culture aspect, you neglected to offer an insight into the food portion as implied by the prompt. So that could be seen as another reason the paragraph lacks development or, does not offer a completely comprehensive discussion based on the prompt requirements/discussion topic suggestions.
Your personal opinion should never be presented as a part of the concluding paragraph. Doing so could result in an automatic failing score because there is no correct summarized conclusion presented. The last paragraph should just wap up the discussion ley repeating the salient points. The personal opinion is presented in only one of 2 ways for this writing instruction.
1. Folded into the public opinion explanation
2. Aa a stand alone paragraph
The word count is just the right number of words for a beginner. You should steadily progress to 300 words maximum within 40 minutes over time. You clearly have the potential to gain a higher than average score with the proper guidance. | Holt | Dec 24, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/new-experiences-versus-daily-routines-93984/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***The table below shows the total number of branches of banks and financial institutions in Nepal in 2019. The graph shows the ten districts in Nepal having the highest number of bank branches in 2019.***
## Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
While the table states the total amount of branches of banks and financial institutions in Nepal in 2019, the given graph illustrates the ten districts in Nepal with the highly significant number of bank branches in 2019. This essay will analyze the significant points of the statistics.
Generally, in 2019, the majority of branches of banks and financial institutions belong to commercial banks and microfinance institutions. Besides, Kathmandu is seemly the financial center district of Nepal with the highest number of bank branches.
In the mentioned table, the commercial banks and microfinance institutions have the highest numbers of branches representatively at 3585 and 3629. The share of both the two institutions dominated the table with 41,27% belonging to the commercial banks and 41,77% belonging to the microfinance banks. On the other hand, the smallest number of branches of banks and financial institutions is 205 belonging to finance companies.
Turning to the graph below, it is not difficult to see that the district having the highest number of bank branches is Kathmandu with nearly 800 branches. The district had the lowest number of bank branches is Dang with approximately 150 branches.
* | hanablaaaa | Dec 22, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/statistics-branches-banks-financial-93977/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I must point out an evident error that has appeared twice now in your task 1 writing presentations. You seem to be under the impression that the best way to score highly in this exam part is by combining the task 1 and 2 writing styles. Since the tasks have different objectives and different scoring considerations, the mixed writing style will not increase the score. Rather, deductions will be applied to writing and discussion format sections as it relates to the task objective.
Do not use the restatement + writer's opinion/ repetition of writing information in the summary overview. That is a task 2 writing practice, it does notrelate to task 1 requirements. In fact, you must learn to write in a proper task 1 format. Using a combined task writing presentation is not helpful to a score that could be lowered due to a confusing presentation style.
Try to do a better job at analysing the provided image. Do not skip the information source mention. Thatis an important part of the summary presentation.
On the other hand,
Where is the one hand comparison that should come before this?
Present uniform paragraphs of 3-5 sentences in length. 2 sentences will mean the paragraph in not fully developed, analyzed, and formatted. These will not be considered full paragraphs. A number of these paragraphs will receive reduced preliminary scores because of the lack of proper information dissemination in the paragraphs. Sometimes, thia problem can be solved using proper wording to introduce interlinked information through the use of proper transition sentences, phrases, or linking / transition words. This is an obvious weak point for you in both writing tasks that I have reviewed so far. | Holt | Dec 22, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/statistics-branches-banks-financial-93977/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Parents with good careers now spend less time with their kids.***
## Is it a positive or negative development?
There is a growing tendency that people who have gained some valued achievement prefer spending their time on occupation rather than on their children. Since that status may worsen the kids' well-being yet strengthen their dependence at the same time, this essay illustrates an impartial stance toward the problem.
On the one hand, parents with an optimal working situation ignoring their children result in the children's health impairment. As for a person at a young age, children usually find it difficult to be aware of their own health and to recognise the problem, even the smallest such as fever. Those little kids need adults, specifically their parents, to help them be conscious of their mental and physical condition. Since parents are older people who have experienced most of those things, they would easily understand what is happening to the kids and how to handle the issue. Without parents' care due to work attraction, children cannot be monitored on a daily basis and hence untreated illness. As a matter of fact, their health deteriorates over time.
On the other hand, not receiving care from parents gradually nurtures in children a great dependence. Being brought up with a light protection, kids tend to realize the circumstance and know which ways to adapt to such a life. Whenever they wonder about something, they have to question other people about it or search for the answers on the internet, instead of asking their parents as they do not have time for a conversation. This means they are passing the process of self-doing, which enhances the fundamental ability to solve other problems in life.
In conclusion, the chief downside of kids having loose bonds with their parents is their abysmal health change, whereas the major upside is the self-developed dependence. | nguyenlehalinh | Dec 14, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-good-careers-spend-time-kids-93944/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer has incorrectly referred to parents as ordinary people in his restatement. Such an error changes the subject basis of the topic. As an incorrect synonym presentation, it will tend to negatively affect his LR score. The reason being that the word does not correctly represent the original and carries a different meaning.
While the writer's opinion basis is well stated, the lack of direct response reference is going to reduce the openon clarity score. The response Skeyword must be present since it will make the opinion clear rather than implied to the examiner. The lack of direct reference will be another deduction.
It is important that the writer understands why his discussion approach is incorrect. This is a single - defense since a decision regarding reasoning support must be made given the 2 choices. Failure to present a proper 2 reasoning defense will result in a reduced score due to an underdeveloped discussion. Scores will only be provided for the writer opinion supporting paragraph.
The opposing paragraph will not be scored and reduce the word count of the essay to below minimum,which will be another set of score reductions. As such the writer might receive a base passing score or less owing to other grammatical issues in this essay as well. | Holt | Dec 14, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-good-careers-spend-time-kids-93944/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Make sure you ALWAYS answer the question... At least the last paragraph should say in conclusion, yes/no it is positive or negative etc... so the computer can read the answer clearly. | toledoylopez | Dec 14, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-good-careers-spend-time-kids-93944/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
As for a person at a young age, children ...
---> incorrect word use
and your grammar is weak. | Thaithao47 | Dec 14, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-good-careers-spend-time-kids-93944/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Your word choice is advanced, but the way you build sentences is not clear enough. Besides, the redundancy of linking verbs" on the other hand" could mark down your scores. And you tend to write complex sentences. Try to make it simple and answer directly the question. Sitting on the fence makes your essay a bit confused with the examiner. | hanablaaaa | Dec 14, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-good-careers-spend-time-kids-93944/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed.***
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
*Essay*
It is a common belief that the best way to succeed is to focus on just one life ability. However, I am convinced that concentrating on a single skill is not the best way to reach our goal; on the contrary, that way is even more uncertain and contains high risks.
To begin with, knowing just one life skill makes our jobs unstable and the future career path more risky. This is because when you concentrate on one skill, you have fewer options for employment. Furthermore, nothing can guarantee that your current jobs will not be replaced by ones that exist tomorrow in an ever-changing world. For example, during the first wave of the COVID pandemic in Vietnam, hundreds of airport employees were forced to find alternate employment in order to make ends meet. Not only that, but many foreign language teachers faced the same problem: they had no income from offline classes for several weeks, and the reason is that the only job they know how to do is teach foreign languages.
On top of that, while concentrating on a single skill is undeniably one of the best strategies to achieve in life, it is not the only effective way. Many well-known CEOs and celebrities worked in a variety of occupations to gain practical experience with the market and large systems.Therefore, they must cultivate knowledge and acquire necessary skills from numerous sources before becoming successful in their fields. For instance, Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, is one of the most famous and influential people in the world. Before establishing a resounding Amazon, he gained many different skills from various jobs, such as programming techniques, management skills, and economics skills.
To sum up, focusing on one ability brings more risk and uncertainty into our lives, and it is also not the only good strategy to reach the goal. For these reasons, knowing more skills provides us with more opportunities to succeed. | DuyPham | Dec 19, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/concentrate-single-skill-wrtiting-93969/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer used a good alternative restatement. Though word usage was a bit faulty, the original discussion concept remained clear to the reader. The problem is that the direct writer's opinion was not provided. In the writeis excitement to respond, he went directly to the discussion thesis instead. He should always remember to answer the question first then state what his answer is based on. All things considered in this paragraph, he did not completely develop the paragraph but it was still a good effort on his part. It is good but not good enough.
His score was saved by his highly coherent discussion paragraphs. He succesfully met the passing requirements for the 2 paragraph presentation by using cohesive discussion points and coherent thought presentations. Good job!
The summary conclusion was too short though. He should have used the reverse paraphrase format there. Restate the problem, opinion, and 2 reasons before presenting a closing statement. This should be completed in 3-4 sentences or 40 words, whichever is developed first. | Holt | Dec 19, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/concentrate-single-skill-wrtiting-93969/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
they had no income from offline classes for several weeks, and the reason is that the only job they know how to do is teach foreign languages.
--> i think you should fortify this opinion by giving the audience the advantages of having multiple skills in the pandemic. EX : he/she is more adaptable with situation by changing their career to get through. | Thaithao47 | Dec 19, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/concentrate-single-skill-wrtiting-93969/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Raising household electricity fees is the most effective solution to the problem associated with power generation and environmental pollution.
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective in reducing the environmental pollution caused by power generation***
While some people might argue that increasing the cost of household usage is the vitality of addressing the issue regarding power resources and environmental pollution, I firmly disagree and believe that it's urbanization and industrialization which are the main causes and there are some potential measures to tackle these problems as below.
Though it's undisputed that irresponsible power consumerism for individual purposes brings about a significant contribution to energy waste and environmental changes, I strongly believe that the median of electricity billing plays a minor factor in comparison with business and exploration activities. For this reason, raising residential energy utilities would be no avail to accommodate the issue. Instead, stricter regulations should be applied to organizations that are in conjunction with burning fossil fuels and depleting toxic emissions.
To elucidate, the environmental issue is complex and it's pleading combinations of many ultimate actions to conserve it. It's undoubtedly that the robust reliance of humans on nuclear power is the major driver of climate change. That is the reason why policymakers should apply extra costs to the activities of corporations associated with emitting greenhouse gas and chemical compounds. These substances in the environment will pollute the soil and water seriously and jeopardize the ecology as well as the species living up on it. Additionally, utilizing new types of energy which are more sustainable, such as wind/solar resources, geothermal power, and tidal energy, is highly necessary to reduce pressure on the planet due to burning fossil fuel. Government subsidies should be vitally focused on developing new technology and exploiting new resources as well.
In conclusion, human activities are responsible for environmental changes due to their power needs. Increasing fees on personal electricity usage is not an effective way to tackle the problem ultimately. Instead, sturdy legislation on business and the development of new resources would make a substantial change to the environment. | Thaithao47 | Dec 19, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/power-generation-part-question-93968/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While some people might argue
Incorrect statement. It is not implied but rather stated as a fact in the original prompt. Try to restate all the information in a more accurate manner next time.
The prompt restatement ended up being quite complicated in vocabulary usage, but lacking in clarity. Improper sentence structure in relation to word usage caused this situation. It will definitely reduce the preliminary TA, C + C, and GRA scores.
and believe that ... are the main causes
This is a throwaway statement and will not be scored. As a prompt deviation, it offers a discussion topic not referenced in the original. As such, this statement will further reduce the final TA score.
there are some potential measures
This is one of the most important discussion topic responses that should have been represented by proper and clear solution suggestion topics.
The restatement and writer's opinion paragraph will receive a failing score.
The main problem with this presentation is that the writer is relying on length and word usage to pass the test. Rather than writing a direct and qquick response as required, he decided to throw the whole dictionary into the essay regardless of word meaning, proper word usage in the sentence, and discussion clarity requirements. These are the reasons the essay will not pass the test. It is just too confusing for a native English speaker to read. | Holt | Dec 19, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/power-generation-part-question-93968/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Advantages of reading books
Reading books does bring us a lot of advantages, which there are three important ones as follows. First of all, reading books helps us widen our knowledge. We can get information about culture, traditions, history, geography, arts, psychology, and several other life subjects from books. The more books we read, the more knowledge we have obtained. In the second place, reading books helps us improve our expressing abilities such as writing and speaking. For example, when we read foreign literature, we will not only know more about that country but also have a chance to improve our reading skills, and learn new words which can be read to better our essay. . Additionally, people who read a lot of books usually have a large vocabulary source and speak more attractively. Last but not least, reading books is undoubtedly a way of relaxing after a day hard of work. It stimulates your brain muscles and keeps your brain healthy; it has some positive effects on your mind and soul. In summary, reading books is importantly beneficial because it not only helps us become wiser but also brings us happiness. Thus, everyone should be encouraged to read books as much as possible! | Chouchou292 | Dec 18, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advantages-reading-books-93963/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A 200 word presentation does not meet any essay writing requirements. It most specially does not meet task 2 writing requirements when it comes to the expected 4 paragraph personal opinion discussion of the exam. This essay is faulty for several reasons based on word count, task requirements, and full reasoning development. Aside from being a listing of possible discussion ideas, the presentation does not really proceed to present valid reasoning considerations as necessary.
The essay does well in the use of pronouns, however incorrect the usage in the presentation. Being a personal , and analyses essay, group pronouns such as we and us should instead be represented by first person pronouns like me, myself, and I. It is imperative that correct pronouns are used since the writer is not asked to represent an opinion beyond his own based on the discussion requirements.
Acceptable reasons have been provided but underdeveloped. This lack of progressive discussion will result in a lower C + c score due to a lack of cohesive idea explanation points. These can be more completely presented in a paragraph format. Punctuation usage should not include an exclamation point when writing formal papers as this can be misconstrued as shouting in witten form. There is no need for over emphasis in this case. | Holt | Dec 18, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advantages-reading-books-93963/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Usually with essays, you should make a statement at the beginning (called the thesis) that says what your entire essay is about. (This is under the assumption that you're writing an essay. Usually essays are much longer with an intro, three paragraphs going into detail about each point/argument, and a conclusion.) You do fine with the conclusion sentence "*reading books is importantly beneficial*", but you never mention this in the beginning. Something along the lines of "reading is important because it widens our knowledge, improves our literacy skills and is a relaxing way to spend time." makes a good thesis! Even if you're only supposed to write a paragraph, it's still important to have this thesis sentence.
Do the same with the conclusion. You should repeat your three points in the concluding sentence/paragraph and summarize the entire paragraph/essay.
Try looking up synonyms or good transition words to help keep your paragraph smooth. In second place sounds like you're announcing the winners of a race or contest. Something like "Secondly, Additionally, Moreover, Furthermore, etc." works! Simply google "transition words" for things to use.
And elaborate more on your points! You mention how reading has positive effects on your mind and soul. What kind of effects does it bring? How does it keep your brain healthy?
I don't know the conditions or what you have to do for this assignment, but I'd recommend looking through the instructions and making sure you're following them and getting all the requirements. They'll probably give a word count there so make sure you reach it (and don't surpass it.)
Hope it helped somewhat. | Slyrae | Dec 18, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advantages-reading-books-93963/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
You could proofread with a grammar checker online to frame your sentence structure correctly.
Would also suggest paragraphing your content in the order:
Your introduction :
-Thesis(main point of your essay)
-Organizational statement(sentence leading to the body of your essay)
The body(repeat as many times as needed for each body paragraph)
-topic sentence
-topic/point analysis
-link to thesis
Your conclusion
-Sum up your major points captured in your body
-Link to your thesis
-Final thoughts
Hope this helps! | Exceptional | Dec 18, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advantages-reading-books-93963/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people.
Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in the number of elderly people today and how can it be managed?***
## Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
The breakthrough of the social medical system leads to a significant focus on the old. In my opinion, society would face difficulty with the increase in elderly people. The authority needs to have a radical remedy to tackle this problem. This essay also explains this phenomenon.
It would be tough for society to gain attention to medical care for the old under the circumstances. The authority and the medical center's directors should manage the phenomenon well. They should make plans with the strategic city planner to foresee the quantity of the old. The authority will reallocate the human medical resources until getting the specific data. Besides, the young also take responsibility for the health care of their parents. By paying attention to the old's health, the young will contribute to reducing the burden of the public health care system.
There are some reasons for the difficulties including the extent of human, facilities, and finance. About the human aspect, with the improvement of health care, the human resources for medical would be minimized in spite of the more attention on the elderly. Regarding the facility, the local medical services would not be available for the old. Finance is the last impact related to the difficulty for geriatrics.
For example, during the epidemic of Covid 19, vaccines will be preferred for the young. The health condition of the old includes many based diseases, which delay the impact of the treatment process. The old also need more nursery and medical staff to take care of than the young. Under the global disaster, fertility and financial resources also are scared, which makes the old underprivileged.
In a conclusion, with the improvement of the medical system, society pays more attention to the elderly however that activity would be a burden. Both authorities and the young take responsibility for taking care of the old's health condition. Besides, the reasons for the difficulty is dependent on human, fertility, and finance. | hanablaaaa | Dec 14, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-health-care-old-reasons-93942/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There is a difference between caring for the elderly and focusing on the elderly. The former refers to the medical needs of the aged, as referred to in the original. The latter only implies an interest in the elderly, without a specific medical reference to the subject. The prompt restatement is therefore incorrect.
With regards to the writer's opinion, the exam taker should understand that although a clear opinion was presented, the rest of the response does not establish a correct discussion basis as indicated. Which authority should be responsible for this? What specific actions must be taken ? Establish the facts in the summary then expand it in the reasoning paragraphs. The last sentence in the presentation is a topic deviation that unnecessarily changed the orginal presentation. The lack of proper development in this paragraph will not be good for the preliminary discussion score.
Do not over discuss the topic. The 1st reasoning paragraph dealt with the relevant question in a cohesive manner witha proper example worked into the paragraph, well meeting the C + C requirements. The second question should have been presented in a similar manner. There was no need to present a stand alone example. | Holt | Dec 14, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-health-care-old-reasons-93942/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
You have answered the question of whether the society would be able to cope with the increase in the number of elderly people. I would suggest before explaining how the situation/issue can be managed you explain in a sentence or two why the society will gave a hard time coping.
Also, there are a few errors. Consider editing out the last sentence of the second paragraph
"...burden of the..." To "...burden on the..."
The last paragraph, Instead of saying," In a conclusion..." You could say, "In conclusion..." | Pettypet | Dec 14, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-health-care-old-reasons-93942/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think that the structure of the essay is not really well-organised. Paragraphs III, and IV can be merged into one, with the examples going in the same paragraph with the difficulties. Moreover, your essay is not well-developed enough. I would recommend to take a deeper look of those claims you have made. | adriennguyen | Dec 14, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-health-care-old-reasons-93942/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think you should increase the confidence in your essay. Words like "In my opinion" are unnecessary. Overall, I think you have a quite good take. Good luck! | chelseaanasts | Dec 14, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/social-health-care-old-reasons-93942/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**topic :**
**The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.**
## fISH, LAMB, BEEF AND CHICKEN CONSUMPTION
The line graph give information about the consumption of fish and 3 kinds of meat ( beef , lamb ,chicken ) in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall , at the start of period beef had a most consumption, which was replaced by chicken from around 1984 to 2004 . Fish had lowest consumption and remained no change
With regards to the amount of beef use , it began around 230 in 1979 , decreased to 180 in the middle of 1979 and 1984 , and suprisingly reached a peak at 230. After 1984 , the use of beef decreased to around 120 in the final. in contrast to chicken , it began around 145 and then increased fast , it was around 240 in 2004.
Lamb started at 150 and then peaked at 130 in 1989 .Since that year it decreased and in 2004 it was around 80. Fish was not popular used in Europen country , during 25-year period started from 1979 , fish did not changed much , it was around 50.
* | nhomnhi | Dec 15, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumption-fish-line-graph-93947/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer has witten the summary overview from the incorrect timeframe. He must use the past tense reference since all of the data was collated from previously dated information. When he did use a past reference term, it was done in the incorrect sentence format so it added to the GRA deductions of this presentation.
His trending statement does not use the correct reference format either. A proper trending paragraph will make vague measurement references that represent a consistent measure, without too much data references such as year information. What he should have done is indicate the measurement type for additional data clarity. He forgot to mention that which led to a slight confusion regarding weight type. | Holt | Dec 15, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumption-fish-line-graph-93947/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
When having a picture you get to describe the entire chart steo by step. This gives you a huge amount of vocabulary and knowledge and also the fact that you are describing what the image shows. Add up with extra vocabulary and correct verbs. | toledoylopez | Dec 15, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumption-fish-line-graph-93947/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The content of the essay is not enough to cover the chart, moreover your structure of the essay is poorly organised, with too little information in each paragraph. I would recommend to make more comparisons between each factors, pointing out the most significant feature of each factor. | adriennguyen | Dec 15, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumption-fish-line-graph-93947/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think you need to enrich your vocabularies so you can use a lot of non-repetitive vocabularies in your essay. Also, you need to erase the space before any punctuation. | chelseaanasts | Dec 15, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumption-fish-line-graph-93947/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Computer Programmes for Teaching Purposes
Topic: **Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students.**
*Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.*
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Answer:
In a world where technological advance constantly takes place, utilising computer programmes in classrooms for educational purposes is becoming a trend in the majority of schools these days. However, it is sometimes argued that this change is possibly affecting the students in a negative way. In this essay, I will be discussing both of these views, followed by my own opinion regarding this problem.
Firstly, computers can be a great help in classrooms in order to increase teaching efficiency. With a vast number of interactive programmes, teaching materials that teachers can choose from, this can directly build growth of students' interest in the subject, as they can participate in the process of learning themselves. Consequently, the interest in the subject is slowly built in each learner, helping them to reach the aim faster and in a more active way. Moreover, computers are becoming the cutting-edge device, used widely in various activities in our lives. Therefore, it is indispensable to learn how to function it properly, considering the difficulties it can bring if a student does not know how to do so.
However, those convenience can become great dangers if each student are not aware of what they are facing online. For instance, false information, threats and scams on websites, cyberbullying, especially for teenagers, are only a small part of the adverse elements can be found when browsing the Internet and can contribute to damage a student's health mentally and physically. In order to prevent this from happening, it is essential to create school curriculums which provide students the basic points of Internet safety. Limitations of screen time should also be made so that students can stay away from being addicted to computers, or experiencing a downfall in their education.
To conclude, although dependence on computers can indeed have a potential to harm students in some way, I still believe that it should be widely publicised to make use of technology in teaching. It is considered a breakthrough for humanity and can bring great benefits to the learning of many individuals.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Thank you for spending time reading and correcting my essay. Have a great day! | adriennguyen | Dec 17, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/computer-programmes-teaching-purposes-93956/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The total discussion approach to the given prompt is not based on the expected discussion format. For starters, the restatement does not properly represent the basis points for the discussion. The writer took a shortcut in this case which led to a sometimes incomplete and inaccurate representation. The writer also did not provide his own openmon as needed and only repeated the discussion instructions. These errors will result in a non-passing preliminary TA score.
Debate / comparative discussion format reasoning paragraphs are the higher scoring paragraph presentations for this prompt. By comparing the public andpersonal opinions per idea, a more cohesive and coherent paragraph score can be achieved. The writer has misunderstood the writing requirement as meaning to only discuss his private opinion of both public ideas. While the discussion will be accepted and scored, this type of presentation cannot achieve higher than average marks since there are also LR and GRA deductions to be applied to the final score. The fact that there is absolutely no pronoun usage in thest discussion sections will result in a problematic GRA score. This prompt does not use a general reference in relation to the represented groups.
By presenting his clear opinion in the concluding paragraph, he assures himself of a total failing score.This will be based on previous errors and the fact that a personal opinion cannot be stated in the conclusion. Thatis because the conclusion is to be used to present a summary of the previous discussions. | Holt | Dec 17, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/computer-programmes-teaching-purposes-93956/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## *The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009*
**(Pie charts attached at the end)**
The pie charts compare the primary means of travelling adopted by people when coming to a university between 2004 and 2009.
Overall, all means of transport recorded an increase in its percentage apart from car and bicycle. It is also evident that car and bus were the two most popular sorts of movement, while the opposite was true for the others.
As it is explicitly observed from the charts, the number of cars used occupied the highest proportion, at around a half in 2004 before decreasing by nearly a quarter 5 years later. Bus, similarly, rose its popularity from 33% in 2004 to almost a half in 2009, making itself from the least prevalent to the most prevailing, at 46% in 2009.
Regarding the remaining types of vehicles, namely train, bicycle and walking, it was bicycle that remained unchanged at around one-tenth in both years. In the meantime, the figure for train slightly rose by a small fraction, invariably standing at the least popular kind of transport in two years. Likewise, the percentage of people going to university on foot increased marginally from 4% to 6% during the time period.
* | binhminhtran24 | Dec 16, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/primary-means-travelling-adopted-pie-93952/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The summary overview is confusing when it comes to describing the provided images. The images do not compare data between years. That would require an actual length of time depiction in a single pie chart. This image compares 2 years in 2 pie charts. A variation of the previous sentence is what should have been used to explain what images were provided and what these represent. The summary is not accurate and will not receive a passing score.
A more thorough presentation of the trending statement would have provided a complete listing of the modes of transport prior to the measurementtrend. Along with this,a mention of the measurement type is necessary to complete the written descriptive information as it would have created a better mental picture for the reader. The end result would have been a strong and imaginative trending statement.
~~As it is explicitly observed from the charts~~
The report must be based upon the assumption that the reader does not have a copy of the image to refer to. By asking the reader to observe the image, this rule has been violated so deductions will be applied. This is the reason why I emphasized the need for a creative and informative, but not exaggerated data representation. There are specific writing rules to be followed in both tasks. | Holt | Dec 16, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/primary-means-travelling-adopted-pie-93952/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**Question:
*Governments should invest in science, technology or business instead of arts.***
## Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Essay
Every country has its own unique culture, especially it is expressed by many arts. However, some people think that the arts should be replaced by science, technology or business. In my opinion, I disagree with the notion and I think arts are no less important than science and governments should invest in arts.
Firstly, investing in the arts is to develop the services and tourism industries. Once the governments invest in the arts, it is creating conditions to preserve, restore and advertise the nation's historic and religious architecture to the world. From there, that country will preserve its roots and pass on its unique culture forever. On that basis, attracting a lot of tourists to travel and explore will make the services and tourism industries develop and bring a lot of profits for the country. As a result, the economy of the country is growing and becoming stronger. In addition, it will help the governments to solve a difficult problem of lack of jobs for workers. Because when tourism develops and attracts many visitors, it will create a lot of jobs such as guides, service staff,... for workers.
Despite all these advantages of investing in the arts, there are still some people who think that governments should invest in science, technology or business instead of arts. However, when they know the essentials of arts they will realise why the governments should invest more in it. For example, when we do not concentrate on developing art, we will not be able to preserve our own country's roots and culture. For this reason, the economy goes down, the country is weakened and vulnerable to invasion. Therefore, investing in the arts is no less important than investing in science, technology or business.
In conclusion, besides development science, technology or business, the governments should have policies to invest and develop the arts. Moreover, not only the governments, I think people should have the responsibility to preserve and advertise the nation's historic and religious architecture to the world. | thuyhang2004 | Dec 13, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/culcure-arts-replaced-science-technology-93938/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer did an acceptable job in his restatement and opinion presentation. However, his discussion fell short of the better scoring discussion format. His discussion presentation could use a more proper debate slant to highlight the correct comparative discussion format for this essay. The correct discussion format will always gain a higher score.
For this essay, a 5 paragraph format presentation would have gotten a better score. That is because offering focused paragraph discussions, one each for science, technology, and business would have given a more cohesive discussion consideration. Use evidence to prove that investing more in arts, when compared to the investment in each other aspect results in a better investment. Compare say, the cost against the results. The results will be a better analyzed and higher C+C score.
With regards to punctuation usage, an ellipses cannot be used immediately after or before a comma. English punctuation rules allow only for the use of one punctuation mark at a time, normally after complete idea presentations or when listing consecutive ideas or information.
Avoid referencing "I think". In any part of the presentation. The writer must show that he is convinced that his pinion is correct and he will not be able to convince the reader of the same. Only words of certainty must be used throughout the presentation. | Holt | Dec 13, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/culcure-arts-replaced-science-technology-93938/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the average number of Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia and America
The line graph compares how many Vietnamese students studying in three different countries over a period of 15 years.
Overall, the number of Vietnamese students has education in America and France increased significantly during the period shown, while the figure for Russia decreased. And it is noticeable that American schools were the most popular in Vietnamese students.
In 2000, over 3.5 million students were studying in France which was higher than the figures for Russia and American about 3 million and 1.6 million students, respectively. Five years later, the number of Vietnamese learners in France and Russia decreased by 1 million students. In contrast, there was an increase to 2 million students in the number of Vietnamese pupils came to America to study.
From 2000 to 2005, there was a significant increase to 5 million students studying in America. Meanwhile, the figure for France also increased by more than 2 million students after remained stable for 5 years. Vietnamese pupils seemed less interested in Russia as the number of students studying in this nation decreased and hit a low of less than 2 million students in 2010 but then gradually increased to 2.5 million students at the end of the period
* | mamoru22 | Dec 13, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/vietnamese-students-studied-three-different-93936/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Writing 201 words is stretching the writing time too close. With only 20 minutes to complete this task the student should not use this paper to showcase his vocabulary. Anywhere from 175 to 290 words will already accomplish that intention. Remember the idea is to present the best summarized analysis of the image data. The instruction does not require an over extended presentation. Keeping it short will also limit the possibility of multiple grammar and punctuation errors that could negatively affect the sectional scores.
Create a proper first paragraph by combining the summary + trending statement. That will allow you to receive a better TA score since the C+C presentation for the paragraph will be complete. Avoid using stand alone single sentences since that is not a complete paragraph presentation. Always use at least 3 sentences representing the task requirements in the summary to gain a strong opening score.
There are LR problems in the presentation as evidence by the writer's confusion regard the correct referencing between the country and the citizen in his presentation. It creates a confusing discussion target. There are also instances where the explanations are difficult to understand due to incorrect sentence structure and improper or missing punctuation marks. All of these problem points could lead to a failing GRA and C+C scores.
The writer should get a better idea as to why a short essay may be better written than a wordy essay in the long run. Scoring well depends on proper editing and proofreading rather than just vocabulary usage. | Holt | Dec 13, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/vietnamese-students-studied-three-different-93936/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution
The phenomenon of rapid urbanization acts as a precursor to physical health of the city dwellers. Air contamination is perceived to be at an alarming rate. This essay will elucidate the causes and exert solutions to alleviate this situation.
The major catalyst of air pollution in big cities is population explosion. People hold a firm belief that they can derive a lot of profits by residing in metropolitan areas such as elite education and lucrative employment. The swell in population begets the purification of air in jeopardy. Second, citizens have propensity to utilize personal transportation by dint of its versatility and flexibility. They dislike public transport because of the fact that it is not spacious and put users in uncomfortable zone. Hence, it attributes to air contamination and hinders the growth of green environment.
The meticulous solutions should be implemented to address this issue. First and foremost, residents should raise awareness of differentiating types of rubbish to preserve the purification of environment. It is imperative to perform this action despite its perplexity and demands individuals' meticulousity. Second, the authority's onus is devising stringent legislations to punish whoever does a disservice to environment. Concurrently, city dwellers should minimize the usage of personal transportation, if possible, use public transport as a substitution. The detrimental impacts of devastating the ecological system should be broadcasted nationally to arouse people's apprehension of living in polluted environment.
To recapitulate, shielding environment in big cities from contamination is of paramount importance. It requires individuals' obligation so as not to aggravate the situation. | Amykute | Dec 12, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/air-contamination-urban-areas-causes-solutions-93930/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The writer has composed a non scorable restatement + writers opinion. Rather than paraphrasing the topic, the writer offered a personal opinion sentence. That created a discussion statement instead. The writer also failed to deliver clear thesis discussion points in response to the questions posed. Both actions ran counter to the expected response format for that paragraph, resulting in a failing consideration for that task section. A passing score cannot be provided when writing instructions are not met in that section's preliminary scoring phase.
The swell in population begets the purification of air in jeopardy.
There is a lack of evidence that will support this claim.The paragraph is therefore underdeveloped in relation to creating a cohesive paragraph discussion. Always offer examples to support such claims.
The writer is not properly using descriptive and discussion words in this essay. The words used are unnatural and come across more as an oration rather than an everyday discussion. The LR score will also notbe impressive because of this.
Overall, I believe that the essay will not pass once all scoring considerations are totalled. This is regardless of the obvious effort the exam taker has placed in developing the discussion and reasoning paragraphs. | Holt | Dec 12, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/air-contamination-urban-areas-causes-solutions-93930/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?
Success can be defined in various ways. Some people suppose that money is the only yardstick for labeling a business as successful. I agree with this viewpoint to a certain extent; however, I believe there are many other criteria to be considered when evaluating an organization's prosperity.
On the one hand, the revenue a company can generate is the most noticeable sign of its success. The majority of people tend to be under the assumption that the most flourishing companies are the most lucrative ones. In other words, the ultimate objective of almost every enterprise is to maximize profits, which implies that financial gain is the benchmark for determining whether a business is thriving or not. Take Apple, Microsoft, or Amazon as an example. They are included on the list of the world's most successful global brands, as measured by the amount of money they earn. In addition, companies, especially start-ups, can not reap success if they fail to make profits. Large corporations typically offer capital injection for new firms based on their financial outcomes. As a result, a start-up without revenue growth may not receive financial support and eventually struggle to survive in the competition.
On the other hand, I contend that besides financial metrics, customer satisfaction and societal contributions are also vital parameters to gauge a firm's triumph. The company's ability to provide goods and services that meet the demand of every purchaser will create an extensive client base, together with brand loyalty. This ensures enterprises' long-term success and consolidates their position in the market. According to billionaire Richard Branson - the founder and chairman of the Virgin Group, true success should be measured by the customers' level of happiness so that the achievements would be long-lasting and valuable. Moreover, numerous non-profit organizations focus on eradicating global issues such as poverty, pollution or healthcare problems to improve the community. Their success is judged by the positive impacts they have on the individuals and society as a whole, rather than their earnings.
In conclusion, although money is an important criterion to mark the success of a business, consumer fulfillment and beneficial influences on society are also the deciding factors. | linat1312 | Dec 8, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/money-true-indicator-success-business-93911/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There are specific questions being asked as a part of the writer's opinion presentation. While the writer did his best to deliver the correct restatement + personal opinion, the relevant paragraph failed to deliver because of 2 problems:
1. He provided a prompt deviant discussion point by indicating
I agree with this viewpoint to a certain extent
which is not a part of the discussion consideration for this prompt. This is actually a totally different prompt discussion instruction so it should not be referred to in this paragraph at all. It created heavy deductions due to an irrelevant response and unclear opinion presentation.
2. He failed to give direct topic responses to the 2 questions which would have comprised his opinion response. As such, the writer did not fulfill the clear writer's opinion presentation requirement for the paragraph.
These errors will result in a non-passing preliminary assessment score for the paragraph.
The discussion format is also improper as the essay base questions are not based on related discussion points. Therefore, a comparative reference referring to
On the one hand
and
On the other hand
cannot be used. These are not the correct transition phrases to use in this case because the requirement is more along the lines of a transition sentence, due to the differing discussion focus of the questions. Though based on a single topic, the discussion targets are different and unrelated.
When considering the basis of the first question, the paragraph that the writer developed in reference to it is not totally convincing because the premise is based on big business rather than the SME's. A big business is already financially stable and therefore, cannot be considered the correct basis for this discussion. It is already a financial success. The presentation in that paragraph is not really applicable as presented.
The second reasoning paragraph is more aligned with the question it is responding to. So this is the paragraph that can receive full scoring considerations. The problem is that the first reasoning paragraph will pull back the scoring consideration due to the incomplete and mostly improper discussion presentation.
There is a misplaced apostrophe usage in this essay. It was used to indicate the plural form of a the word customers, which was unnecessary because the plural form does not use an apostrophe in its indicative form. An apostrophe S would have represented an ownership discussion point. That said, it is important to note that the correct word construction would have been the plural form, without any apostrophe usage.
A concluding summary was necessary in this essay. The writer tried to provide one but he did not use the correct 40 word, 2 sentence minimum format for the paragraph so it cannot receive full TA considerations in terms of response format either. | Holt | Dec 8, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/money-true-indicator-success-business-93911/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
From my understanding of the question, I think it's asking whether money is a true indicator of the success of a business. Hence I would give reasons/detailed explanation of why it's a true indicator if I agree with the statement. If I think it's not a true indicator, I would give reasons as to why it's not a true indicator. | Pettypet | Dec 8, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/money-true-indicator-success-business-93911/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## **Many people use written language in a less formal and more relaxed way.**
*Why? Does this development have advantages and disadvantages?*
On daily basis, people tend to use causal written language. Under the high growth speed of globalization, this essay will explain the reason, pros and cons of this phenomenon.
Generally, the viewpoint of this situation is under the business environment. Considering international business, the relationship between the countries meets the communication barriers, which is the reason for this development. With a low level of effort, the trader could communicate with others in casual languages. The hidden reason for this development is the connection between culture, history, and human behaviors. By sharing some aspects of the world culture, people tend to use body language in written form.
Turning to the advantages of this activity, using casually written language helps people who have low English skills could understand the ideas easier. The daily language also contains more familiar words than the formal one. The informal way to write would take less time to be written and edited than the formal one. With the casually written language, the vibe of content is from mutual to relax which is referred to as the casual occasion.
However the informally written language makes the document effortless to be prepared, this phenomenon also existed some drawbacks. The relaxed tone of voice makes the writing inappropriate for the formal occasion. The document, the representation of the speakers, also shows the work attitude. If businessmen would like to show their profession to their partners, they should use formally written language. By keeping it short and simple, people could understand clearly the intention of the writer, without further explanation as the casually written language.
*My last IELTS writing result is 6.0, and I want to improve my skill to 7.0. Give some advice to reach the target* | hanablaaaa | Dec 4, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/pros-cons-language-informal-way-ielts-93907/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The prompt restatement + writer's opinion is not going to get a passing score for 2 reasons. First, it does not give a prompt restatement but a writer's discussion opinion. That occurred when the writer added the information
On daily basis
. The second reason for the failure will be a lack of proper writer's opinion using the thesis presentation format. He cannot receive a writer's opinion score in that paragraph when all the writer did was repeat the writing instructions. That is an automatic failure since repeating instructions does not allow the writer to give a clear opinion based on the given guide questions. These are the most score reducing portions of this essay.
Where is the summary conclusion? That is sorely missing in this presentation. The summary conclusion is a requirement for the discussion accuracy score. The reverse paraphrase of at least 2 sentences would help to increase the discussion score potential for this essay. An essay without a summary conclusion paragraph cannot receive a higher than average passing score due to incorrect writing / discussion format requirements. | Holt | Dec 4, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/pros-cons-language-informal-way-ielts-93907/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The first paragraph doesn't do much. Instead you announcing you are going to give the pros and cons, just illustrate them. You also need a conclusion. | Annie97 | Dec 4, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/pros-cons-language-informal-way-ielts-93907/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Fashion industry's impact on society
In my opinion, the fashion industry also has a negative impact on society. Many people, specifically the younger generation, are addicted to buy a great number of clothes. This bad habit results in many consequences. For example, a lack of money dues to buying unnecessary clothes. Besides, some people still judge others by their appearance. If they don't follow the trend or wear luxurious costumes, they might be seen as a poor and unattractive person. According to that situation, some even being bullied, which can lead to mental health illness | hehehehe345 | Dec 1, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I am not sure if the writer is responding to a Task 2 prompt or if this is just a statement for an English writing exercise. If it is for a task 2 discussion, then this single paragraph will automatically receive a failing score for not meeting the word count and having an improperly presented line of reasoning.
If this is for a simple English writing exercise then the writer should have paid more attention to his vocabulary usage, punctuation mark use and positioning in the sentences, as well as the clarity of his thoughts. There is a disconnection between the reasons he presents and evidence to prove that his claims are valid. The overall discussion has a problem because of the lack of idea development and examples. While the grammar is not perfect, the writer manages to reveal a clear thought, which only needed more development to make it clearer and better accepted as a discussion point. | Holt | Dec 1, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi , i like the ideas portrayed in your essay , they encapsulate the negative impact of fashion well , but they were introduced in a way as if there was already something before them : *the fashion industry **also** has a negative impact on society.* , you should also pay attention to your grammar *are addicted **to buy** a great* *a lack of money dues to buying unnecessary clothes* and so on , also try to develop it with examples , good luck ! | Meriem slimani | Dec 1, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@hehehehe345
You have too many short sentences, try to combine sentences that are talking about the same topic
for example:
... consequences, for example, a lack of money due~~s~~ to ... | Imaginedragon | Dec 1, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
You should extend the length of your sentences, explain more about your ideas and give more description. | vankhanh | Dec 1, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
You can extent your sentences, such as give the examples, the results or the explanations about your ideas | dungqndt | Dec 1, 2022 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
First of all, you might need to explain first why buying a lot of cloths is a bad habit. Perhaps it really is, but you need to elaborate more. Fast fashion is the topic you can focus on.
Secondly, there are many logical gaps--buying clothes, following the trends, judging people by their appearances, being bullied. I can see the connection to those topics, but you need to explain how you come from point A to point B. | Annie97 | Dec 1, 2022 | 6 | https://essayforum.com/writing/fashion-industry-impact-society-93904/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Nowadays it is not only large companies than can make film. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films***.
## Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
These days, with the development of digital technology, people can make films in many ways and the film market is not only a piece of cake for large corporations. This change can be attributed to numerous reasons, and I consider this a positive development.
There are two main reasons associated with this phenomenon. Firstly, everyone in modern life have almost one mobile device, such as a smartphone, tablet, or laptop. Therefore, they can easily record a video with a mobile phone, after that, they can be a professional editor with some mobile apps or softwares. Additionally, with the development of social network, online video platforms have become more popular with millions of visitors per day. This is because people's entertainment demand is dramatically increasing.
Personally, I deem this a positive development. The first reason for my belief is that the mega corporations in the film field have to continuously change, develop their human resources, upgrade their devices, unstintingly create. This could be explained by the fact that the world changes from day to day, so the products of that corporations need to get a high quality and fit for all people in the world. Another reason is, individuals can access easily to a large number of high-quality films. This can be seen in the case of tough competition between large corporation and non-professional producer.
In conclusion, while the development of digital technology, any one can to be a film producer, I consider this a positive development given the beneficial for citizen. In the near future, non-professional films will account for the larger proportion in the entertainment market./.
*I hope that I will receive your feedback, it is very useful for me to improve my Writing skill. I have never take IELTS exam, so how can can I guess my score? Please and Thanks so much* | xinhaylagiacmo | Dec 9, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/digital-technology-enables-anyone-93915/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The first reason why this essay will fail is because it added a discussion point that is not included in the original prompt. The question only pertains to whether the idea presented is a positive or negative development. There was never a question as to how these changes developed. Neither was there a question as to why these changes happened. Therefore, the writer altered the discussion writing instruction a few times, leading to a totally different discussion focus in the reasoning section. These additions will already result in point deductions due to inaccurate topic depiction and irrelevant responses.
Since a whole paragraph was dedicated to responding to the irrelevant discussion point, that total paragraph will be stricken from consideration. The result of which will be an essay that does not meet the minimum word count and, fails to fully develop a relevant 2 reasoning paragraph presentation. These will be the second basis for the overall failing score result.
Understand that the discussion questions are provided to give the writer the ability to properly respond within 2 paragraphs. That means one relevant topic should be discussed in every section. These should be connected reasons that clearly explain the opinion of the writer, as relevant to the prompt. Fail to follow the instructions and provide these points and the essay will get a failing score. | Holt | Dec 9, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/digital-technology-enables-anyone-93915/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The two reasons of people being able to make films should be connected to why you consider this phenomenon positive development, otherwise the second and the third paragraph seem irrelevant. | Annie97 | Dec 9, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/digital-technology-enables-anyone-93915/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Topic:
Plastic shopping bags are used widely and caused many environmental problems. Some people say they should be banned.***
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
No one would deny the bad environmental effects plastic bags make but totally replacing them could have worse impact. That is why I believe plastic bags should not be banned.
The reason why many do not support using plastic bags is that they pollute the land and the water. Some individuals reuse but mostly throw plastic away as trash. If they are not collected, they would dug in and impair the soil. Sometimes wind lifts plastic bags to rivers and seas. Many marine animals eat them and die. Because of those risks, banning plastic bags seems like the only way to save the Earth.
A big numbers support replacing plastic bags by paper bags but it would make situation worse by another destruction. Totally using paper means more forest would be cleaned. Then, the carbon footprint would be increased. The planet would be warmer and there would be more natural disasters. For example, Vietnam lost a large amount of forest area during the wars. Therefore, now floods come frequently and causes big damage to people and properties.
T do not think thoughtlessly banning plastic bags could solve the environmental problems. Government should have stricter laws of collecting and recycling instead of totally banning them.
I am so glad to read your feedback, it is very necessary for me to improve my writing skills. Thank you so much for your help. | minhhoangvn | Nov 16, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/plastic-shopping-bags-used-widely-93829/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I found myself confused about the actual slant of this essay discussion. I had to review it twice to convince myself that the writer failed to follow the correct discussion format for this type of prompt. The third reading was what I used to definitely believe that the essay does not follow the required writing format.
The first error in this essay is that the prompt restatement was not a restatement of the topic but rather, the personal opinion of the writer. The personal opinion is not considered a reflection of the paraphrasing of the given topic. The second error in the first paragraph is that there is a lack of measured or emotional response to the question. The writer needs to use words that show the strength of his belief in the statement. This is not a simple agree or disagree essay.
A third error can be found in the discussion paragraphs. Being a single opinion essay, the writer will not recieve any score for the paragraphs that do not support his given opinion. Since only one paragraph somewhat supports the writer's opinion in this presentation, he cannot expect to receive a passing score for the presentation. The reason for the failure will be the collective results of the first 3 errors and the improper development of the reasoning paragraphs. There must be 2 full supporting paragraphs for the writer's opinion. It cannot be less than that otherwise the score will be based on an under developed explanation.
The writer also failed to proofread the work, which will result in a lower GRA score. In the last paragraph, "T" was used in place of "I", indicating that the essay was not edited nor proofread prior to submission. A review and corrections should always be applied prior to submission to avoid these easily corrected errors that have major score reducing effects. | Holt | Nov 16, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/plastic-shopping-bags-used-widely-93829/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There are some grammatical errors in your writing
floods ... and causes big -> floods...cause...
they would dug in -> would be dug in
replacing plastic bags by -> replacing plastic bags with | Luana1017 | Nov 16, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/plastic-shopping-bags-used-widely-93829/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A big numbers support (...)
->
Many support replacing plastic bags with paper bags, worsening the situation. Using paper means companies would cut down more forests. Then, the carbon footprint would be increased (change to active voice). As a result, the planet would be warmer, and more natural disasters would occur. For example, Vietnam lost many forest areas during the wars. ... and cause significant damage to people and properties. | hopefullyUBC | Nov 16, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/plastic-shopping-bags-used-widely-93829/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
You should review about Writing Task 2 structures. It will be helped you to improve your writing skill | dungqndt | Nov 16, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/plastic-shopping-bags-used-widely-93829/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
If you are to compare plastic bags to paper bags, you should illustrate this point in the very beginning. | Annie97 | Nov 16, 2022 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/plastic-shopping-bags-used-widely-93829/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## social media and the face-to-face interaction
Many people argue that social media makes individuals do not have to directly communicate together. While there are some drawbacks to communicating via social media, I maintain that the strengths will likely be more significant.
On the one hand, the idea of social media is advantageous to some extent. The first advantage of this is that it is easier to access and connect rapidly for anyone who has a mobile device with an Internet connection. This is because individuals have at least one mobile device, such as a smartphone, tablet, or laptop which is very popular, and they all have a wireless connection. Another advantage is social media, which provides a easy-to-master platform to use and communicate whenever and wherever. This is perfectly exemplified in case of Covid-19 pandemic, everyone needs to stay at home for safety, no one can go out, and social media is a temporary solution.
On the other hand, this practice can highlight a number of valid concerns. Firstly, time-consuming is first problem when people are using the social media. It is not only an environment for communication but also an entertainment space where they can read news, watch videos and surf the Internet. Secondly, social media makes one addicted to mobile devices. This could be explained by the fact that they do not need to go out and have face-to-face conversations; they just stay at home, surf, and update the new status of their friends.
In conclusion, this trend might possess numerous disadvantages. However, I am more inclined to the view that the advantages will likely prevail. | dungqndt | Dec 8, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-argue-social-media-makes-individuals-93910/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
While the grammar of the essay leans more on the incorrect sentence structure and word usage side, the writer has managed to come across with clear thoughts regarding his personal opinion. Believe me, even though the score for the GRA and LR sections will not be very high, these mispresented sentences will somehow stop the C+C score from seeing a failing mark. While the C+C score will not be tremendously high, it will be enough to garner a somewhat passing score.
I have to point out though that an incorrect writer's opinion presentation was used in the reasoning paragraphs. The writer decided to use a comparative analysis of one positive and one negative aspect of the discussion, which is not what the examiner will expect to read. Since the question is posed in a debate format, the writer should use the written debate format in the reasoning paragraphs. That is because the believability of of opinion will be based upon how well he proves the opposing argument to be false. Therefore, there should be 2 perceived negatives that he can explain as actual positives in the discussion section. One negative idea with a positive explanation per paragraph. That is how the written A v. D written debate is formatted.
That said, the presentation cannot be seen as properly and completely developed due to the improper discussion format. Only the section that actually supports the writer's opinion would be accepted in this case, but it will not be enough of a consideration to receive a high passing score. | Holt | Dec 8, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-argue-social-media-makes-individuals-93910/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## benefits or inconveniences of travel
Have you ever wondered what are some of the disadvantages of travel? For the most part, traveling can greatly benefit our minds and allow us to make new friends. However, there are several downsides worth being considered if you wish to set off on a new journey: costly expenses, loneliness, and fear of missing out on other important events.
First of all, traveling can be expensive. There are a lot of fees you need to cover such as accommodations, food, transportation, etc. if these necessities are not met well, you will have a hard time enjoying your trip. Therefore, in order to have a great trip, you need to make savings, which can take a while.
Another drawback is that you may feel lonely, especially when traveling alone. This is also true even when you travel with friends since you may not see eye to eye on everything, which is exhausting. It is just the nature of traveling.
Finally, embarking on a new journey at whatever reasonable time is likely to make you miss some important events with your family and friends. While you are living a different life, your loved ones and close friends still get on with their lives, which means their milestones such as engagements, weddings, and births may occur without your presence. Thus, you will have to contemplate the cost of traveling and missing out on these memorable events.
In short, while traveling is undoubtedly beneficial, its inconveniences, costly expenses, loneliness, and fear of missing out, should be worth weighing up. These downsides may seem insignificant but they can annoy you no matter how exciting your journey may be. | Bun cha | Nov 20, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/explain-benefits-inconveniences-travel-93845/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Since the title of the essay implies that the writer should opt to discuss either the benefits or inconveniences of travel, the writer should not have confused the prompt restatement by indicating a partial benefit of travel. It was unnecessary since there is clearly a one opinion discussion instruction provided. Whenever the word OR is presented for opinion making, that indicates a one sided discussion. The writer should never try to present the benefit of the opposing side since that creates an incohesive discussion presentation. The focus should only be on the side that the writer supports. So the presentation of the benefit in this restatement paragraph creates a scoring mark down for the paragraph.
The fact that the writer does not include the benefits in the body of paragraphs also means that the writer understood that this is a one sided opinion paper. Why he misrepresented the prompt restatement is beyond me. He should also never write a rewording using a rhetorical question that will not be dealt with in the body of the presentation. It further added to the C+C problems of the presentation and further lowered the final overall score for the presentation.
By presenting a concluding personal opinion in the concluding statement, the writer further deviates from the TA requirements since this was only a general discussion presentation and not a personal opinion statement. By making a factual personal reference in the end, a prompt deviation was created, leading to a problematic score for this student in the end. | Holt | Nov 20, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/explain-benefits-inconveniences-travel-93845/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
In the first paragraph, the author asked a question about a related title, but the next 2nd sentence is vague and similar to the question while the 1st one is the opposite. This action makes misunderstandings. Besides, there is no context in the first paragraph.
The second and the paragraphs are basic with few connection phrases. Besides, you should use "face to face" to tell about directed meeting. The meaning of the third paragraph especially the second sentences is complexity.
Turning to the last paragraph, the phrases " a different life" and " without the presence" are confused. By directed mindset, you should rewrite the sentence simple, short and clear.
Generally, paragraphs are also just opinions without specific approvals. The clear construction should be a subject sentence, a approval sentence and two sentences for analyzing.
If need a writing partner, please contact me. | hanablaaaa | Nov 20, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/explain-benefits-inconveniences-travel-93845/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I believe the "in short" is unneeded + added punctuation.
~~In short,~~ **W**hile traveling ... inconveniences, **such as:** costly expenses, ... These downsides ... annoy you**,** no matter how ...
I think stylistically, that would be in improvement, hopefully this was helpful | lhyphotos | Nov 20, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/explain-benefits-inconveniences-travel-93845/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
You should connect your sentences to be more coherent. The first step is focus on your main idea and explain your idea exactly | dungqndt | Nov 20, 2022 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/explain-benefits-inconveniences-travel-93845/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## smartphones and kids
In modern society, children use most of their time on smartphones. Throughout this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and express my opinion on the matter. Firstly, I will discuss the negatives of children spending lots of time on smartphones and secondly, I will share the positives of this trend if it is mined in the right way.
Children using smartphones will affect their mental health. Lots of inappropriate behavior may have a negative effect on their psychology due to phone radiation. This hazard makes children feel alone, catharsis, as well as being isolated from sociality. Additionally, the negative effects of the internet may result from contemporary online platforms or social networks. For example, in 2019, a trend appears on the Youtube platform so-call "Momo challenge" which increase the suicide rate of children around the world. As a result of that, Viet nam's government immediately had the policy to remove such videos on Youtube.
On the other hand, exposure to smartphones early gives children great advantages. Using smartphones early helps children keep pace with technology. There are many changes in our living world today. To develop a comprehensive yourself as well as avoid being a laggard person, children should know the way to use these technologies, typically smartphones. Furthermore, early exposure to smartphones helps children learn from the internet which is a vast resource of human knowledge. The children's exploitation of this resource helps them have creativity, problem-solving, and independence personality. For example, online free courses on the internet help children to understand more about lectures before going to their classes.
In Conclusion, there are many benefits and negatives to children spending hours every day on their smartphones. In my opinion, it is a positive development. Parents should take care of their children to encourage their independence as well as to stimulate their curiosity.
P/s: Could you give me an advice, please? | KhaiHuuNguyen | Dec 2, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-spend-hours-day-smartphones-case-93906/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay has already received a failing score for the preliminary TA consideration. That is because the original prompt topic and discussion points were completely altered by the writer in his restatement and opinion presentation. As such, the writer cannot expect to receive a passing score even if the does well in the succeeding LR, C+C, and GRA considerations. While minimal points will be awarded in these sections, the fact that the writer did not follow the writing and discussion instructions are originally indicated have prevented the writer from gaining a passing score. Once the writer shows that he failed to follow the writing instructions, it becomes clear to the examiner that the writer does not have an English comprehension ability that will allow him to perform well in an English academic setting. The only way to pass a task 2 test is to make sure that the discussion instructions are properly represented in the reasoning paragraphs and that the restatement paragraph does not totally deviate from the given discussion considerations. This essay did not follow instructions. | Holt | Dec 2, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-spend-hours-day-smartphones-case-93906/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
@KhaiHuuNguyen
You tried to use advanced vocabulary and grammar. The problem is the question is "Why is this in case?". However, in your essay, you focused on benefits and drawbacks, this will bring you low score of TA, or even vocabulary and grammar scores. | phuongthao0608 | Dec 2, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-spend-hours-day-smartphones-case-93906/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Your conclusion is quite short, you should enlarge it to around 5 sentences while summarizing the requirement. By splitting out the given question, you could find the keywords for your essay as pros and cons- which you did it quite well. But in the opening paragraph, you said " firstly", usually when saying the ordinal number it usually comes with 3 numbers at least. Besides, at the end of your 1st para, you said " positives of this trend" while in the second part you said about the negatives impacts- which could confuse the reader. | hanablaaaa | Dec 2, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/children-spend-hours-day-smartphones-case-93906/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***
These days, a wide range of people tend to cope with problems relating to health by simply using medicines and curing methods without the instructions of doctors. However, I believe the positive aspects of this trend are eclipsed by more immediate threats
On the one hand, there is numerous useful information in terms of various kinds of illnesses. Therefore, people can easily search and get to know about their health issues. It is extremely convenient, so individuals do not need to book appointments with doctors to learn about their little sicknesses. Moreover, some people may find it quite economical, to just buy medicines or receive appropriate treatments.
On the other hand, it is very risky to consume medicines that are not suitable for a person's health, which leads to a result that the immune system of the person can be decreased and vulnerable. In addition, medical information on the internet is not always accurate, then people can misunderstand their health problems, and will not get cured in the correct ways, as a result, their sickness may not only get worse but also more complicated to cure. When visiting doctors, patients will be consulted by professionals about their health situations, and they will be arranged on the right path to deal with their illness.
In conclusion, it may be acceptable to cure small diseases by one's self. Nevertheless, I fiercely recommend people should get medical advice from professional doctors. | jenny0601 | Nov 28, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-health-problems-trying-alternative-93880/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Please make sure to double check the draft version of the essay prior to submission. That will help with the correcting of the presentation in terms of missing punctuation marks, improperly used punctuation, incorrect word choices, and sentence structure improvement. These are the main problems that can be found in this essay with a simple scan of the work. The analysis of the presentation has not even been completed at that point and already the essay is in a big risk of not receiving a failing score.
The question asked is if the trend is a negative or positive development. The question was not responded to in the correct format. Rather, the writer immediately jumped to his thesis statement. In his haste to establish his discussion point, he will lose points for not directly presenting his opinion in a manner related to the question provided.
Since the writer has a single opinion for this essay, the discussion paragraphs should have represented 2 valid reasons for his opinion. What the writer did was try to justify both sides of the discussion in his reasoning paragraphs. That is the wrong writing approach for reasons previously mentioned. The essay cannot receive complete scoring marks since the evidence presentation is incomplete and lacking in substance. This happened because the writer used a comparative discussion rather than the single opinion defense format, which is the expected response format for this essay.
While the writer understood the topic for discussion and pretty much knew how to defend his point of view, the response format that was used proved to be the main problem for the presentation. The lack of proper response formatting and approach led to heavy deductions in the C+C section. This essay may not receive a passing score in an actual setting. | Holt | Nov 28, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-health-problems-trying-alternative-93880/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I liked the content of your essay however the prompt was about your opinion and you, I could not deduce this from the beginning of the essay and I felt some contradiction reading the advantages then disadvantages, personally I would have my opinion at the beginning then elaborate | Meriem slimani | Nov 28, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-health-problems-trying-alternative-93880/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with the highest marks, while others say they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well at school.***
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is an ongoing conflict as to whether tertiary schooling should be exclusive to students who have gained many academic credentials or it should be a universal place for all strata regardless of their performances at school. From my perspective, I will discuss both views and give my opinion in the following essay.
On the one hand, it is irrefutable that outstanding high school pupils are more deserved to attend university in that recruiting top-tier learners have a positive association with the guarantee of qualities in terms of educational backgrounds. Consequently, were classrooms to embody learners with formidable points, lecturers would be able to highly develop the lessons by stimulating more advanced knowledge, resulting in a better precursor of students as well as enhancing the intellectual levels among them. Furthermore, the school's reputation could be tremendously proliferated what with the strict requirements of school agencies. For example, in an endeavor to maintain prestige, Havard University has only accepted application forms from students who are categorized as geniuses.
On the other hand, it is worth mentioning that success can not be determined by age or a person's intellectual potential, therefore, the view of not letting people of other ages enroll in schools is flawed. Specifically, in some particular occupations such as psychology and education management, elderly people might do even better than the top students because they have more practical experiences and depth-thinking dexterities in life. Additionally, most schools need financial budgets to maintain their facilities. In more detail, if colleges only prioritize students with scholastic achievements which just account for a small number of people in society, many others will not have opportunities to enroll in their universities, leading to a diminishing amount of money from the tuition fee so that colleges will no longer have enough money to improve their equipment.
In conclusion, despite universities being capable of making a room for intelligent students and enhancing their prowess but with me, it would be beneficial in the long run if all students are able to assign to their adorable schools without any requirements of collegiate achievements. | suhihi | Dec 1, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/universities-accept-top-students-93903/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
From my perspective
This phrase indicates that you already have an opinion that you will be sharing with the reader. Therefore, your opinion should have been presented to indicate that you will be using the 3 reasoning paragraph format for this essay. the writer's opinion ended without stating an opinion. Therefore, deductions will be made since a portion of the task requirement for this paragraph was not achieved. Where there is no clear opinion present, the writer will receive a failing score for the task restatement preliminary consideration.
The essay also did not follow the prescribed discussion format for this topic which is to use a group point of view in comparison with a personal opinion. Since the indication for the writing format for the essay is the 3 reasoning paragraph, the format should have been:
Paragraph 2: Explanation of why Public Opinion 1 is valid (Based on public perception).
Paragraph 3: Explanation of why Public Opinion 2 is valid (Based on mass understanding).
Paragraph 4: Statement of the writer's personal opinion with supporting reasons (Using personal perspective references)
As such, this essay is approached only from the personal opinion side, which makes the discussion incomplete since the required comparative discussion basis is not represented. It will have TA and C+C scoring problems. | Holt | Dec 1, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/universities-accept-top-students-93903/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## the problem of food waste
Indeed, an excessive amount of food that was bought from stores and restaurants is being wasted these days. This can be attributed to several factors, which can require possible measures to be adopted.
There are several reasons why individuals are wasting a large amount of food. The first obvious explanation is that food is becoming cheaper and being served in extremely large portions in many restaurants. This can cause many customers to fail to finish their dishes and thus, the leftover food would go to waste. The second reason is that consumers, especially young adults, who are busy with their work choose to buy food for the whole week and purchase more than needed. This might increase the likelihood of some products becoming spoiled and also being wasted.
Various measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address this situation. One possible solution is that restaurants should limit the number of portions that they serve to their customers instead of serving a variety of slap-up meals. As a result, customers can be able to finish the dishes they order without leaving any leftovers. Another approach worth mentioning is that each consumer should make a shopping plan of what they want to buy before going to grocery stores. This is because, it allows them to take control of unplanned purchases and also helps to reduce the amount of food they buy, and thereby preventing food from being wasted.
In conclusion, many reasons can be given to explain why a large amount of food is being wasted, but I believe that steps can be made to alleviate this situation. | NgTien | Nov 30, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-waste-lot-food-bought-stores-93898/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The essay could have been better developed by the writer. Firstly, he should have properly represented his thesis statement in relation to the direct questions being asked. He only repeated the instructions, he did not give a summarized response to the questions, which left the restatement + opinion paragraph without any true opinion for consideration. Therefore, the score that will be given for the preliminary consideration will be based on a lack of proper response format, no opinion presented, and basically, an incompletely developed paragraph that is lacking in logic and reasoning presentation.
Since this is a problem - solution discussion, the writer should not present 2 problems in 1 paragraph then 2 solutions in the next. A fully developed, properly explained, and well scoring paragraph will:
Sentence 1: Present the problem
Sentence 2: Explain why the problem occurs
Sentence 3: Present a solution
Sentence 4: How to implement the solution
Sentence 5: Give an example to prove that the solution can be implemented in real time
These are the series of discussion points that will create a cohesive and coherent problem-solution paragraph. These are the keys to achieving a high scoring essay based on this format. Kindly also remember to use at least 2 summary sentences in the concluding paragraph to meet the 40 word minimum requirement for that section. | Holt | Nov 30, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-waste-lot-food-bought-stores-93898/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I believe the conclusion could be much stronger. Instead of talking in generalities, perhaps provide clarity. What are the reasons to explain why a large amount of food is being wasted? Perhaps give a call to action, or something of that substance to give the essay more of a sense of finality. | lhyphotos | Nov 30, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-waste-lot-food-bought-stores-93898/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Covid-19 and community
People have, in recent years, shown concern on Covid-19 pandemic. Many countries in the world have to face up to a variety of both difficulties and opportunities which will be discussed in this essay.
To begin with, it is an indisputable fact that our community has difficulty during the Covid-19 pandemic. Firstly, it is noteworthy that we have to deal with economic crisis. This is because a large number of workers need to go on strike due to social-distancing; as a result, this will cause the national economy to go down and pose a threat to their development. Another feasible explanation is that study quality plunges. That is to say students are required to stay at home and study online instead of studying directly at school, resulted in low level of attention capacity as they are easily distracted by numerous videos on Youtube, Facebook, etc. By way of illustration, a recent research carried out in China, the origin of Covid-19 pandemic, reveals that the average grade of students has decreased to a great extent, from 80 out of 100 to 40 as a result of short attention span. Therefore, it is clear that my nation has to cope with challenges in the time of Covid-19.
Nevertheless, we also have opportunities during the outbreak of Covid-19. Admittedly, this pandemic makes people comprehend the value of life. This is due to the fact that before experiencing the social-distancing period, people must live under a lot of pressure and in fast pace of life. Living in Covid-19 means they are given a chance to ease their mind and enjoy their life as they no longer commune to work or are stressed at work; as a consequence, they will feel a sense of tranquility and have much affection to life. Another justification worth mentioning here is that the impoverished in this difficult time are taken care of more than before; last year, for example, about 1,000 poverty-stricken households are supported and helped by the government, the greater number than before. Hence, it is evident that besides the nation records challenges during Covid-19 outbreak.
On balance, although the country experiences some hindrances, it is also given other opportunities to develop. | lingchoo | Nov 29, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/challenges-opportunities-community-face-covid-93892/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The opening paragraph is confusing. If the focus of the essay is to be the community of the writer, then he must make that very clear from the first paragraph. The topic introduction and short form discussion topics should already focus on the community of the student since that is the target of the discussion.
I am not sure if the writer knows the difference between the effects of a lockdown and a worker's strike. When a community is locked down, a strike is not possible. Even after the lockdown, a strike can not be accomplished because of social distancing and other health safety protocols.
Abbreviated references such as "etc." should not be used in academic writing. Such references are best used in casual writing since there are no writing formalities involved in such non-academic writing formats.
The concluding presentation is too short to be qualified as a proper summation. It does not really reference the benefits and drawbacks the community experienced. The writer needs to properly develop a concise summary for better scoring next time. | Holt | Nov 29, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/challenges-opportunities-community-face-covid-93892/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## email from club
Email cho bạn :
Hi Eric,
How's work going?
I am contacting you for the following reason to tell you that I am very happy when I received an email from their manager. Did you received the email from their club?
I expect them to ... In fact, we will have more useful knowledge and sharpen out skills. How about you?
Let me know when you received an email,too.
Please feedback for me !
Love,
Vo Thien
------------ | ericvo1810 | Nov 29, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/received-email-club-93891/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**One topic per thread**
The email cannot be properly reviewed in its current state. When no writing instructions are provided for the benefit of the educational consultant, where more than half the email is blanked out by the writer, a proper review cannot be made. There is basically no information provided in the email that I can review to help the student improve his task writing skills. It is important that the writer post the complete email, along with writing instructions should he wish to receive a proper review from this consultant at this forum. Only when I have the complete information in relation to the writing task will I be able to provide a proper work analysis for the writer. | Holt | Nov 29, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/received-email-club-93891/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Parents awareness about problems of their children
Throughout this century, the view of learning has changed dramatically and the majority of people feel this change is not for better. Obviously, they mostly caused from parents because of lack of understanding how difficult their children have to face. Therefore, to shorten the gap between them, these are remedies that we will discuss below.
For and foremost, teenagers have peer pressure while being compared with their schoolmates. As a result, they obsess with having high-score is priority by the thinking of their parents. Moreover, juveniles can get depressed, mental health problem or even hurt themselves regularly. In order to lessen those serious impacts, parents should change the way they define about learning which is deeply ingrained through many generations.
Hence, with the high-expectation, almost teenagers have sedentary lifestyle as studying too much. Furthermore, they do not have enough time to partake any sporty competitions to strengthen their health as well as their mind. What is more, because of learning, a plethora of children do not alike to care about their appearances. As a consequence, despite excellent students, they can be isolated by their classmates. Therefore, parents should decrease their works to spend more time aside their juveniles and encourage them when getting low marks to avoid those negative impacts.
All things considered, to enhance teenagers in learning, both of themselves and their parents have to cooperate together. Moreover, parents also have to rise their awareness of difficulties and problems their children have to face during their schoolife. | Hien My | Nov 27, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-unaware-difficulties-children-face-93873/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
This is definitely an essay that cannot recieve a passing score because it will receive a failing mark for each, individual scoring consideration. The sentences lack any sense and the meaning is difficult for a native English speaker to decipher due to the problematic word choices of the writer. The sentences are so improperly structured that it is obvious the student needs to take some formal English classes in order to understand how to construct even the most basic English sentence, much more a basic English paragraph. The reader is constantly confused by what meaning or idea the writer is trying to convey. The lowest marks will definitely be given in the TA section (in relation to a clear writer's opinion), the C+C section (due to the problem conveying his thoughts clearly and coherently), GRA (due to the lack of proper sentence substance), and LR (based on improper word choices). | Holt | Nov 27, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-unaware-difficulties-children-face-93873/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Thank you, so my problem is using too much complex grammar and structures in this writing? Can you give me some advice? | Hien My | Nov 27, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/parents-unaware-difficulties-children-face-93873/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## to be a businesswoman
In my opinion, everyone all has a dream and so do I. In fact, I want to be a businesswoman and set up my own company. To make my dream come true, I feel I've done a few things. Firstly, I think I studied quite hard and always put a lot effort into studying. In addition, finding new things to learn and revising learned things are my personality. Secondly, I like reading books, especially economic books and science fiction books. Also, there are some tips in doing your best anywhere and make things as perfectly as I can. Last but not least, I helped my friends when they got trouble. Everything is not as important as your family and your friends. I think family is the thing that I must protect and love but friends, they are people who can help me on the way to develop myself to become my best version and make the company always stand better on its own. Clearly, there are too many things I haven't done yet to make my dream come true but confident, trust myself, internalize and choose the best way for me to make my dream - to be a businesswoman become true. | phuniem1502 | Nov 25, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/future-done-make-dream-come-true-93863/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Since the question is just "What you want to be in the future", an opinion statement is not required. There is no need to reference "In my opinion" because that is not was is being asked in the prompt. The current statement misleads the reader into believing that this is an opinion presentation when it is not. It is a mere general idea discussion topic.
It is useless to refer to "I think" in an essay that asks for preciseness in the information presentation. What have you done to make your dream come true? The response should be "To make my dream come true, I have done the following. I have studied..."
Sadly, the writer has not done anything to make the dream come true in reference to becoming a businesswoman. While she has made preparations to become a better person, there is no move done to prove an early exposure to business that would prove the writer is preparing to enter the business world either through formal studies or personal experience. | Holt | Nov 25, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/future-done-make-dream-come-true-93863/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think this is not a substantial argument made to answer the given question. You have only used basic language to imply your answer and that isnt very effective | Matt1313 | Nov 25, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/future-done-make-dream-come-true-93863/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Clearly, there are too many (...)
->
There are too many things I still need to do to make my dream come true, but confidence, trust in myself, internalization, and choosing the best way to make my dream - to be a businesswoman come true. | hopefullyUBC | Nov 25, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/future-done-make-dream-come-true-93863/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I think I am similar to Alice because I also hate doing chores. I think it is so boring, repetitive and hard. Most chores are dirty, heavy, tiring and sweaty. And to be honest, I am pretty lazy, so I dislike doing chores. Moreover, I'm too busy with my studies, so I hardly ever do chores. However, I don't deny the benefits of chores. Doing chores can bring a lot of benefits to children. It teaches them life skill and help build their character. It also helps some people relax when they feel stressed. Now, I am trying to share housework with my mom because she does too much. Finally, although I hate doing chores, I will try to do more chores in the future. | Ciocasino | Nov 28, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/household-chores-boring-93879/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
I am not clear regarding what question the writer is trying to respond to in this statement. In fact, I do not even know who Alice is and why that person has to be mentioned in this writing. I do not see a connection between the character and the writer's reference to his own chores in the response. I believe this lack of connection has affected the clarity of the presentation and is the main reason for the confusion when a stranger reads this piece of writing. More of a connected backstory is required. In addition to that, the writer should also avoid using the conjunction "and" to start a sentence. As he should know from his English lessons, a sentence should never start with a conjunction as there are no discussion ideas to be connected at the start of a sentence. | Holt | Nov 28, 2022 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/household-chores-boring-93879/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
It teaches them life skill and helps
I think "life skill" should be in plural | jenny0601 | Nov 28, 2022 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/household-chores-boring-93879/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
There's a lot of repetition within the writing.
I think you can definitely find a synonym for "chores" instead of constantly repeating the same words over and over again. What kind of chores do you do now? Are there any other reasons why you personally decided to start doing chores? Do you have the same chores as Alice? Try to relate the paragraph to Alice more.
Hope it helped. | Slyrae | Nov 28, 2022 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/household-chores-boring-93879/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
## Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems
It is true that the high population density happening in metropolitan areas has become a pressing issue in modern society. Although several negative consequences on the urban environment and people's quality of life have undoubtedly resulted from this tendency, governments can take a number of effective solutions to tackle these problems.
As the population of urban areas has been increasing at alarming rates, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue would be obviously more private means of transport and industrial activities, which is identified as the primary culprit of air pollution in cities. It is because exhaust fumes from petrol-consuming vehicles and gas emissions from factories result in a higher concentration of carbon dioxide and particulate matter in the atmosphere, causing air quality degradation. As a result, city dwellers might suffer from a wide range of chronic health concerns such as asthma, dermatitis, respiratory infection, and even lung cancer. Another issue would be the possibility of non-renewable resource depletion such as fresh water, cropland and fossil fuels. This is happening because there is an overexploitation of natural resources for the huge demand for housing, food and industrial manufacturing in urbanized areas.
There are several actions that governments could take to mitigate the problems described above. Firstly, governments can run resettlement programs by investing more life-sustaining necessities in rural areas such as education, recreation, health care and job opportunities. This will motivate citizens to relocate voluntarily to these newly constructed areas, which reduces the population density in big cities. Another solution would be enforcing laws to inhibit high birth rates in cities and encourage family planning movements by incorporating a one-child policy or tax exemption regulations for couples having one child in the marital law-making process. Finally, it is imperative for scientists to develop more renewable and environmentally-friendly energy sources to radically address the matter of resource exhaustion caused by overpopulation in the long run.
In conclusion, while there are various problems that are certain to arise from the overpopulation of urban areas nowadays, they can be combated effectively with resettlement programs and birth-control policies. These governmental actions, if done properly, can hopefully address these problems and avert the future degradation of the environment and public welfare. | Linhkhanhho | Nov 28, 2022 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/high-population-density-happening-93876/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |