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I don't feel original anymore.

When I was in high school a few years back, I was one of the highest competitors in my school. I joined the high school band in freshman year and by senior year I became one of the best in my section. My academics were always straight and I exercised daily. Senior year I enlisted in the military and now I believe it was one of my worst decisions in life. Before I went to boot camp I was motivated, a patriot and believed that the elite joined the military. In senior year I never applied for any scholarships and I was offered one but turned it down because I already signed the papers. I thought I set myself up for success. Now I believe I was dead wrong for joining. The only benefit I see so far after a year and a half of service is that I'm trying to set myself up financially before I get out and hopefully attend college. It sounds like a plan but I feel no happiness from what I do at all. I convinced myself there's no honor in it anymore, it's just another job. I don't exercise by myself anymore. I feel like I'm not progressing anywhere in life being in service. I'm just a body and if I wasn't here doing what I'm doing, there'd just be somebody else doing the exact same. I'm replaceable. That's the mindset the military gave me. I look forward to going back home in 6 months for vacation and that's the only thing I've been looking forward to since I've been stationed. After that, the only thing I have my eyes on are getting out of service, going home, being closer to my family again. There's nothing here that satisfies me and I hate it. I feel like I've tried everything to be happy here but it seems impossible. I wish somebody could help.

I don’t have anyone to talk to and I don’t know what to do anymore

Nine years ago I was diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder, Six years later I was also diagnosed with PTSD due to sexual assault trauma, and finally stopped living in denial and got a formal diagnosis plus started treatment for anorexia nervosa. my life’s kinda been a train wreck for the most part. I always remember being deeply sad with an overly critical and hateful view of the world around me (human kind are doing nothing productive for the earth and it would be best if we walked hand in hand to extinction to save the planet kind of hateful) or for some periods of time feeling like I’m buzzing with happiness, in which times I felt unstoppable. With my first diagnosis, my first set of meds followed, I trialled quite a few over the years but when I decided they didn’t work for me I tried self medicating with anything I could get my hands on and ended up with major substance abuse issues. I’ve now just managed to get myself sober and maintain it for the last month. I feel as if I’m being sucked into a giant pit of despair I can’t get myself out of and It’s progressively getting harder to leave bed. I get panic attacks before and during leaving the house because I’m terrified someone’s going to hurt me. I only go out to get groceries and even then sometimes I get there, panic and can’t leave the car so I just go home. I can’t sleep properly anymore due to horrible nightmares. I can never shake the feeling that I’m a giant burden to everyone in my life so I can’t talk to them about when I’m struggling. I’ve isolated myself so much over the past few years I don’t have a single friend left. I’d like to try medication again but I’m too terrified to try anything and have panic attacks thinking about taking something to shut up my mind in fear of getting addicted and out of control. Has anyone else struggled with this? What helped you overcome it?

Stuck between moving forward and killing myself

Some background information: My GF of almost 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago and ever since I have been severely depressed. It wasn't a bad break-up, just a sad one. Shortly after the break-up, I noticed I wasn't dealing with it well at all. I couldn't do anything but cry and wishing she would come back. I went to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I still had friendly contact with my ex, but I was just hoping she would come back. After an emotional call, she told me to take a few months for myself. And so I did, but I just got worse. I couldn't do anything. I stopped working, studying, playing sports, everything, because I had no energy or motivation for it. I almost got admitted to a psych ward, but it was still my choice to do stay there or not. I chose to not do it as I had a bad feeling about it. October of last year, I contacted her again and we met for the first time in months. It was supposed to just be friendly, but talking about the relationship was inevitable. She said to me she would never take me back. She wasn't angry, but just serious and honest. It broke me even more. The next day I sent her a goodbye text and was close to killing myself. She called just in time and we had a good talk. Though a few weeks later, when things look better and we actually had made plans to meet up as friends, I got a panic attack and sent her emotional texts. She sent me a long one back and then blocked me. I then attempted suicide again, this time getting hospitalized. I have not directly spoken to her since. It was either via other people or letters. Last December I sent her a suicide letter, but I quickly regretted it. My brother sent her a message for me, apologizing to her and telling her I'm okay. Then for Christmas, I sent her a simple card, but never got a response nor did I expect one to be honest. At this point I have accepted she won't talk to me, that she will not come back to me and probably will never do so. However, I cannot accept never getting a chance with her again. In March/April she is leaving the country and I fear I will never see or talk to her again in person. All I need is to talk with her and some understanding. Though I know I have messed things up so bad. I have put so much stress on her. I have done everything wrong while I knew better, but still I did it. So far I have been diagnosed with MDD and Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)(so a double depression), and they said I show signs of anxiety, bipolar disorder, and a personality disorder (e.g. avoidant, dependent, anti-social, existential OCD). I am still at the early stages so I won't have a definitive diagnosis for a quite some time still. What is certain is that there is something really wrong with me. Most of it originates from my horrible childhood and upbringing. Only the MDD was actually caused by the break-up. Still, my ex thinks she and the break-up are the main causes of my current state, but that is simply not true. Of course, I cannot tell her as she won't speak to me nor believe me. ​ **Now here is my dilemma: I feel the pressure to move forward with my life. I feel like I have to take on all these life responsibilities again; that I have to live my life to the fullest. I always felt like that, but because I keep overthinking everything I become this passive person who does only the minimum. I feel incredibly weak, pathetic, and scared to do almost anything, like a little kid in grown man's body. Even though I know I can do some things well, I just do not have any solid confidence. If I do nothing then my life won't get better and I will for sure never get back with my ex. Though I don't see the point of putting in all this effort to do things if it doesn't make me happy. I don't even have the energy or motivation for it. Every time I hear someone say: "Move on!", "Man up!", "Do \[this\] or do \[that\], I already feel the pressure and it cripples me. It's not even that I don't want to do it. I really want to live a good and healthy life, but it's like I am incapable of doing so. Seeing other people getting further in life also paralyzes me as well as watching vids on how to improve myself. Everything just scares me and paralyzes me. Still, I know it's the only way out of this and my only chance of ever getting her back. However, there is no guarantee I'll get her back. So that thought is depressing on its own. And don't get me wrong. I know there are other girls out there. That is not the problem. I am not ugly and I can date girls, and I have done so for months already. I have had bad dates and great dates, and I have met great girls I could picture a relationship with, but it simply doesn't do it for me. I want my ex. Even when I put all the emotions aside and try to rationalize it, then I still want her. Right now I just feel trapped. Moving forward won't make me happy. It is not enough. Though sitting still and doing nothing won't make me happy either. At this point, suicide seems like the only solution, but even that is a scary and hard thing to do. However, I feel it's the right thing to do as I feel far too broken and useless to continue this unsatisfying life. I wish there was some magical solution. I wish my ex would give the benefit of the doubt. I wish she would give me another chance. I wish she would make that sacrifice to help me. Though I know that that is ridiculous. I know that I have to do it all by myself; that it is my responsibility... but I cannot do it anymore. I am hopeless, desperate, and dysfunctional... What can I still possibly do?!** Call me anything you want, swear at me, tell me I am a pussy, call me cringy, give me those hard truths again. Do it if you want. Thanks for reading. ​ Tl;dr: GF of 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago. I want her back, but I made every mistake there is. I plunged into depression and I got diagnosed with several mental illnesses. I feel the pressure to move forward, but it's crippling me. I am too weak and scared to go on, especially when I won't get my ex back. I feel absolutely worthless and pathetic. Right now the only solution seems to be suicide because even if I go on I won't be satisfied and happy... ​

I need help on how to help my girlfriend.

My girlfriend ,of about 3 months now ,has been my best friend for about 8 months and we have always talked about depression because she saw me as one of the only people she could go to to talk about this kind of stuff. Just recently though she has been cutting a lot more and it’s out of my control. I used to be able to talk her out of it, but now I can’t. She has a lot of stuff going on with her home life and school. I guess what I need help on understanding is what I can do besides just being there for her. Is there anything I can do? What can I say to help her?

I've been feeling this way for some tine

I'm alway feeling like this. It doesn't even matter the age we are anymore. When we are feeling low it's just that. I've been dealing with depression/anxiety since I was 12/13. It comes with just a long story that I was never able to overcome it. I tried to seek help and when she tried to suggest medication since I was already angry I just never went back. I just got to a point where I just say I'm ok when asked HOW ARE YOU? It's just easier to say I'm ok, than explaining how I feel. night time is the worst for me since I'm alone in my room. I've tried to text people that I was once able to do, but that turned out wrong for me so I guess I don't have that option anymore. I've done things in the past where I am trying to avoid but as selfish as that may sound to others I found my comfort in that. I don't want to do that anymore. Finally admitted to myself that I cannot do this anymore by myself. This whole year has been a night mare for me but I still tried and I feel like kept falling deeper and deeper. Like being in a coma but with my eyes open. Like being in a crowded room and yet I'm still feeling alone, boxed in, no way out. I've become so afraid of being alone, that I am alone. Lost valuable friends, a great partner and I cannot get any of it back. I held back on telling people how I feel with the fear of losing anyone else. But that hold inside me makes it worse and I know that, but I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know if I would, but that thought is just there. I feel as if I sleep walk awake. Sorry it just been to much. My heart beats fast, with just even writing this my head hurts from it all. I want to tell people how I feel the ones matter, but its that fear that hold me back. Don't know why or where this all came from but it's been even harder to get myself together. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I deserve to not have you as my friend. I just feel lost and empty.

I have no motivation

This is hard. I am not doing very well. My life has been falling apart for a while now, I don't know how I'm even functioning right now. I don't even have the energy to switch to my anonymous account for this anymore. It started after I lost my job. Then I lost my wife. I'm working a menial overnight job now, and I just can't bring myself to start today. I feel like I lost myself. I feel like I'm unworthy of love or compassion or kindness. I feel miserable every second. I tell myself that I am okay, because u know I'm not and if I keep telling myself I'm okay then maybe I will believe it. I miss my wife. I miss her for all the obvious reasons you miss a spouse. I try and put myself out there because I think I'm ready, but I'm not over her and I don't know when I will be over her. She was my first. I miss her. I went to therapy for a little while. She gave me some advice that didn't work and I stopped going. It never helped anyway, I would leave feeling 100 times worse. We have a kid, she is 3. The nature of the new job allows me to watch her while my wife goes to work. I try and sleep a little and I wake up to make sure she is ok then I go back to sleep. I couldn't sleep today. I couldn't do much of anything. I did all the things I'm supposed to do as her father, but that was it. Normally I play and interact with her, but I just laid there without sleeping staring at nothing. I feel like such a failure. Everything is falling apart and I have no one to talk to and nothing I can do. I tried winning her back several times. I bore my soul. She doesn't want me or doesn't love me or both, and it tears me up inside. All I ever did was love her. I was just going through a real bad fit of depression, for longer than I think I was. I just feel so lost. I'd do anything to get my family back, but I promised her I wouldnt try anymore so now I just have to sit back and watch as she drifts further and further away from me. I don't know why I'm posting this. I hate it when people fuss over me, so I don't know what's making me do this. I just want to stop feeling so miserable.

This is me finally talking about “it”.

I do not have depression, my husband does. He has depression, but we don’t use that word. We say “dark days” and on those days his mood is self-described as “blah”. He has depression, but we don’t talk about it. It’s not for lack of trying on my part. I wish he could open up and tell me how he’s feeling. I wish he could cry with me and tell me that we’ll get through this as much as I tell him. My husband has depression, but we don’t tell anyone about it. “Where’s your husband?” Is the hardest question to hear sometimes. “Why didn’t your husband come?” “He isn’t feeling well”, I say. “We decided he needed to get some rest.” We don’t talk about it. It is dark. It is a cloud that hangs over our house for weeks. Sometimes, it isn’t so bad. We have good days. We even have great months. Beautiful months. But it rears it’s ugly head and we know. We know because the house feels tight. The rooms when we’re together feel as though they are squeezing in. It doesn’t care that I need to be touched, or that I need to touch my husband. We don’t talk about it. But we do fight through. We stand back to back. Sometimes, I have to support both of us with my broken emotions and iron love, and that’s okay. I know he realizes all of this, I know because in those good days and great months, I’m treated as a queen. We make love and make memories and we shine. We shine so bright that I know when the dark days come, we’ll fight them. He knows he has me somewhere in those dark, cold days, even if he can’t see or hear me, he knows I’m there. And I know that he’s there, too, still the man I love, the hero of my fairytale. The hardest part though, the part that I wish we could change (because depression isn’t something that can just be fixed, I know this); my husband has depression, but we don’t talk about it.

Things to say to ppl

Just got out of a month long depressive episode and I've not been to college since it started, ignored all messages anyone has sent me and done no work. Now everyone things I'm dead or something cause I've never told anyone about my depression but now idk how to get into any classes cause although I hate most of them they're still gonna make a fuss out of where I've been and idk what to do I'm thinking of saying i was ill but I've used that so many times i d k what to say

Why do I have sudden "bursts" of depression

I know the title probably doesn't make sense but I stopped working for a while to peruse a business idea i had (which failed) and now I'm about to go back into the work force I'm only 19 and I have these moments where i just feel lost and like I failed my family and friends as my business is what i dedicated my life to for the past 6 months and most of that time was me sitting in my room trying to get it off the ground floor. I'm really nervous about getting a job again as i haven't had a real one that entire time am I just overthinking it or will it be not as bad as i think.

Being the boyfriend.

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 years. She has suicidal thoughts occasionally. She tells me I am very supportive and a great bf but sometimes I don’t think I’m giving the best support. (Sorry for the long post. I don’t know if there’s any other SOs in this thread or if there is another sub I should be posting in) I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. After about a year into dating, while we were cleaning dishes in her apartment, she let on how serious her depression was when she told me that she had once held a gun to her head. After a long silence we both cried and I told her how much I loved her. She told me that she had only ever told her best friend and didn’t want anyone to know, so I’ve never told anyone, not even my closest friend of 15+ years whom I share anything and everything with. So thank you to whomever shares any words of wisdom you’re all I got. Over the the last year our relationship has dwindled, we still tell each other we love each other constantly and talk about getting engaged/married. But we don’t have conversations like we used to, she always falls asleep on the couch so we don’t sleep together hardly, we don’t have sex at all, I think 6 times total last year, that has been a big point of frustration at least for me - I’ve tried to initiate sex and been shot down so many times that I’ve all but given up at this point, even when it’s your lover, your best friend, it still feels like crap when you get rejected. I’ve tried to talk to her about it many times the day after or some time that is away from sex so we can have a calm conversation about it but everyone so far, every time we have talked she’s gotten worked up and basically says she doesn’t feel like it. We both have HPV so sometimes that gets in the way but whenever we’ve talked it’s always that she’s not in the mood. I feel like she’s not telling me something. I feel as if we’ve stopped growing and are maybe even starting to resent each other, which is scary to me. I get paranoid that she’s cheating on me sometimes, which I highly doubt she is, I think it’s just me trying to rationalize the lack of sex. Most of all I feel like this entire relationship is about her, and it’s frustrating me lately. I honestly don’t mean to sound like a jerk here; I’m certainly not entitled to anything and while I know her story better than anyone I have no idea what it was really like to experience those traumas growing up and how it effects her today. I don’t even know how to explain how I’m feeling. I’m constantly having the internal debate: “Well what about me?”- “Fuck about you! What about her!?” And so on. While writing this post I kind of caught myself switching between my 2 head-spaces. Headspace A: “That being said.. why can’t it be about me sometimes? Shouldn’t a relationship be 50/50? I’ve really never been an attention seeker so I’m fine with 30/70 or 20/80? Anything at this point. It’s not though, everything we do is dictated by her depression.” Headspace B: “A few weeks ago while I was alone doing laundry I just started hysterically crying I couldn’t breathe, it really freaked me out. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. Earlier that day she had called me crying and saying “she just wants it to be over. She just wants to give up. She wants to die” I love her so much and i’m scared for her and for us.” Am I just a shitty person for wanting it to be about me sometimes? I feel like a prick even saying that. Of course I’ve never told her about this, she has enough to worry about and I want to be her rock, not another burden, a toddler, whining about not getting enough attention. So I don’t say anything, instead I just get distant, which I recognize and I hate that I do that. I’m just angry at this situation and don’t know how else to react. I want our relationship to be what it once was; fun and exciting. How can I help this relationship? How do I bring up my inner man-child who needs her attention or do I bring it up at all? Thanks so much for any help.

Learning I have Alexithymia really fucked me up.

I've always accepted the fact that one day I will kill myself. I joke and say I'm going to kill myself every once in awhile. I've always felt empty and just figured that it was Depression and suicidal thoughts. I promised myself when I was little I would kill myself at 21, I'm 23 now, I'm on meds for depression and I go to a psychiatrist, I have a long term girlfriend who I can see a future with. However, that doesn't stop the fact that one day I will kill myself. I told my girlfriend I never want children or marriage because when I do kill myself it'd be easier on everyone. I am getting a vasectomy soon so I don't have any dependents, I've pushed people away, no, I forget other people exist because that's how much no one matters to me. A few days ago I learned that I have Alexithymia, which means I don't feel emotions. I never had a way of explaining how I feel until I found out what Alexithymia was. I have no feelings. I can not experience what I assume is one of the best things about being a human. I have no imagination, no creativity. I simply exist and that's it. Imagine playing a game that's in the first person. That's my life, I just see stuff, I don't feel anything. Not to be cliché but I am nothing but a shell of a man. This really fucked me up, enough where I stare off, I'm not very talkative and I get lost in my head that life truly is pointless. My girlfriend notices and she's kind of worried, she asked if I would be okay by myself before she left for work. I feel like this solidified that life is ultimately pointless, especially for me. I only see two options: Kill myself or live in the prison that life is.

Angry Issues Causes Everyone to Leave, Should I Be Alone?

I have always had anger issues and an attitude that no one has ever liked. A lot of my family, friends, have experienced this side of me and either refuse to talk to me altogether, ignore me, or block me and remove me from their lives never speaking to me ever again, even if knowing them for years on end. So lately I've gone off on family and friends and it made me feel bad afterwards. But now I feel like I want to just be alone. Not talking to anyone at all, because if I don't then I can't get angry or show my ugly attitude etc. Part of me just feels terrible and I just dislike who I am as a person. I want to be a better person and for everyone to love and care for me, but all I am doing is pushing everyone away. :/ What would you do?

I desperately want to feel better.

I felt better this past week but now I’ve slipped back and it feels truly awful. I only get to talk to my psychologist once a week (on Fridays) and only for like an hour. This sucks because it feels like it’s not enough. (I’m supposed to also go to a psychiatrist, but my parents still haven’t arranged that. [They have to be the ones since I’m still underaged.]) I haven’t been diagnosed so I don’t 100% know what’s wrong with me, but my problems include: Not having any motivation, not having hope for the future, getting irritated very easily over stupid stuff, being terrible at interacting with other humans, barely caring enough about my life to get out of bed, desperately wanting to be left alone for a couple of months, sometimes wanting to kill myself and so on... I have made two posts already and I guess I’m mostly repeating the same things but I REALLY REALLY WANT ANY HELP / SUPPORT I CAN GET. I-I don’t know just say something nice in the comments or something. I’m sorry for just begging, but I’m really desperate. I’ve felt like this for the last three months and I can barely take it anymore.

I'm looking for advice on helping my depressed and, as I've just learned, suicidal grandma.

So long story short, my grandma is an alcoholic, she's depressed, and she's revealed to me today that she wishes she was dead all the time. She's tried for a long time these help herself, to get out of her addiction to alcohol and cigarettes, but she really can't do it herself. She fell today (and has multiple times before) after drinking heavily, and it took a while to get her back up due to her obesity. This was when she told me she wishes she was dead. I told her that she doesn't wish that and she's not thinking clearly because she's drunk, and she told me she feels the same way when she's sober. I know that to have suicidal thoughts, you aren't thinking clearly by definition. I didn't explain that to her though. A lot of my family struggles with addiction and depression, and I'd say my grandma is in a better state than most of them. I'm curious what steps anyone here has taken in getting a family member the help they need. What resources are available to me and how do I help someone who is fortunate enough to at least want to help themselves? Thank you in advance.

Help me, please. I have 0 friends in the literal sense. I have been living like this for more than 3 years

I am putting aside every homework I have to write this. And just before you think anything else while reading this, I HAVE NEVER AND HOPEFULLY NEVER WILL THINK ABOUT COMMITTING SUICIDE, I FEAR DEATH. I also don't pretend anyone to completely read this, I just want to get this weight off somewhere and that this remains as a testimony for anyone who can identify with it and if you do read it you have my gratitude, it's not much but it's the most I can give right now. I am a 20 year old male currently in University studying what I like. Physically, I consider myself to be average, but sometimes I hate what I see in the mirror and sometimes I like what I see in it. Mirrors are a source of unhappiness for me and even if I try to escape my home's mirrors I will often open the camera app of my phone to look at me and take pictures of my face because I don't feel comfortable with what I see. I have hundreds of selfies just to look and to analyze my face and I always get angry if I don't like what I see. I don't know how much the last thing is related to the following thing, but I am a very timid, shy and silent person however I never have a frown in my face in public because I am always open to talk to anyone because I really need someone to talk to me (I thank and appreciate virtual messages and conversations but I need a real life interaction). I feel guilty because sometimes I transmit this feeling of helplessness, sadness and misery to my dad and my brother and I know my dad thinks there's something wrong with me and I know he is shy to talk to me about it. I am in misery right now, the last real person (who isn't from my family) who I talked with was last September and I still can't consider him my friend because I know how real and genuine friendships feel like judging from my childhood good friendships, I miss those friendships but those persons are now far away, now have a life of their own with girlfriends and friends. I try to contact my first and old friends in Facebook and although they enthusiastically answer we can never get together, and even if we could I would be so embarassed to share with them what my life has become. I have learned to live with it, especially after I got psychological support for some months last semester and even if talking to a therapist was a great relief I felt it was useless. When I was in therapy I was reading at the same time some books of self-improvement but that only created in me a temporary but potent energy and when this energy disappeared I returned to this drab, insipid state. I was in a very decent social circle when I was in school (I am not from the US so this will be difficult to explain), I studied where the rich people and the children of important persons of my country studied so I had what you call "good connections" and in here you start with the same classmates when you are 3 years old and end with the same classmates when you are 17-18 so we graduate very close to each other emotionally. I feel like I have left that circle and I can't return, I dread that situation of me presenting myself again to those persons and it feels that as years pass they get closer together while I isolate myself more. My mom always says that University is the best time of the life because you party, go with friends are more independent, and you begin to flourish, grow up and create good or bad experiences. Not for me, I feel like I am in standby, I just watch people have fun. Today I observed my classes to see if there was anyone else like this but everyone had at least one person to talk to. You may say that it is ok to not party if you don't like (although I do like to party from times to times and get drunk, it's just there isn't anybody I can do that with) and even if I didn't like to go to clubs I see everyone with different interests and mindsets forming groups according to what they like, WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT PART OF ANY GROUP??? I feel like I don't have any identity that I can show, I feel empty because I have a big fear of being judged for what I am. I want to start giving a fuck but I can't. I fear sharing my musical and literary tastes even to my parents and my brothers. My parents are constantly pressing me to create "contacts" that will help me in the future and I feel bad for not doing this because it's like I am missing half of the university experience. I have reached the point where I prefer Mondays over Fridays and Saturdays because I don't have the pressure from anyone to hang out with someone, in fact I now dread Fridays and Saturdays. I feel that if I continue in this state I will get ill (like as in an actual disease), I am the living proof that humans NEED social interactions and are a SOCIAL species, I am getting desperate, I want someone with whom I can share my musical tastes, my fascination for books, football (soccer), history, to have deep conversations, someone who has my trust just as once my old friends had mine and I had theirs, someone to go on adventures AND TO LIVE LIFE. I am now so embarrassed of myself that I CAN'T LOOK AT MY DAD INTO HIS EYES, my dad is a very compassionate and good person, but I can't look at him to his eyes when we talk, I simply can't. I have problems showing affection even to my parents (who I deeply love but I can't externalize that feeling) and I don't want to be like this, I want to have the courage to say "I love you" directly from my mouth and to be able to feel it truly, I want to have the courage to hug someone without getting uncomfortable, to say nice things when I feel them, to stop being a pessimist piece of shit and finally be happy at least for one entire day. I perfectly know my my mom and dad and I know they think to themselves: "When will this guy bring a girl or organize a party"? I know they think this and I am sorry I don't have the bravery to speak to them about my problems. My brothers are also very nice to me but they also have their shit together and I know they also ask to themselves "Why is he like this"? I want the power to love, I am a Roman Catholic and every night and morning I pray, read the Bible and ask to God to give me the power to be happy and give me the gift of love and hope, to remove my extreme anxiety, I want to receive true love but I also want to give true love, I have been assisting to some masses in the Church near my university and I have cried when the priest meditates some passages I can identify with or gives us the command to offer each other the sign of peace because it's the only thing that I feel that loves me. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know I am in my most critical moment and when things start to get better or I am at my peak in life I want to be able to look back to these moments and say "wow, that was really my lowest point" to never repeat it again. Thank you, dear stranger, if you took part of your busy day to read this and I will be attentive to any advice you can give to me. I wrote this the 24th of January, 2019 at 20:39 GMT -5 ​

Your experience with SSRI's

Have you ever gone off of SSRI? Did you go off cold turkey or taper off? What was the experience like? Do you regret it or applaud it? Did going off of your SSRI change your life for the better or the worst? Did you feel your symptoms were actually manageable with therapy and coping skills after going off SSRI? I'm 30 years old. I've been struggling with PTSD, OCD, Anxiety and Depression symptoms my entire life and I've just now accepted that I need to get help. I didn't have my first therapy visit until yesterday. I'm totally okay with therapy, but I'm scared to try medication. I have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist on 2/6/2019. The side effects and dependency on medication scare the living shit out of me. I don't want to lose myself. Please help and be completely honest.

Is it okay to drop a class for the sake of my own health?

So I am currently in college. I am in my second semester as a freshman (first year) and I am an undecided major. I was leaning towards computer science or graphic design, but this CS170 class is stressing me out. The class by itself doesn't sound too bad. But thinking about the homework, which the professor warned could take up to 6 hours outside of class to complete, is what stresses me out. When I think about my other classes like Religious Studies, World History, Geology, and Design, I don't think I can handle the work load of CS170 PLUS the workload of the other classes. I know that this is a stupid request and will probably be removed, but I'm the kind of person that relies on advice before deciding something important like this. Any advice could be helpful. Please and Thank You.

I literally can't do anything right now

For the past few weeks I've been feeling more and more depressed. I've had it controlled well for years but things happening all at once has just brought me to tears at this point. I have a bf, he's amazing but one thing that I would say is wrong with him is he doesn't know how to support me when I'm like this. He'll ask what's wrong, If there's something specific I'll tell him, but it's been so many things it's just everything. And he doesn't know how to respond to that. It just makes me feel incredibly lonely. I haven't been able to get out of bed yet (1.30pm here) and he just happily stayed on his computer and now he's gone out. I just want to feel better, go about my day but I can't. There's nothing I want to do. Nobody I know I want to talk to. I'm just laying here. How do I get out of this?

Help with insomnia because of depression?

Hey guys. I’m looking for some advice for how to deal with insomnia that gets worse when my depression does. I’ve tried the whole putting my phone down 30 minutes before bed, reading, occasional melatonin supplements, and nothing has really worked. Anyone with advice or personal bedtime routines that have helped with insomnia would be much appreciated. I’m currently a college student and having depression and insomnia on top of it is leaving me completely drained and at a loss of what to do.

I dont know what to do anymore

Hey, I'm feeling really bad for a pretty long time, I think it all started about 2 and 1/2 years ago. Back then it wasn't as dramatic as now, I think of suicide for half a year straight. I don't go to a therapist because I gotta take my parents with me and they're a big part of my situation. I just feel so worthless and that no one likes me. Most of my classmates have lost their virginity or at least kissed a girl and im almost 16 and never had anything like this. I have basically no friends and the person I always talke with is annoyed by me, and thats not something my “anxiety“ tells me. As I said earlier my parents are a big part of my mental state, they often beat me in the past which pretty much fucked me up and now I'm like this: cant make friends, antisocial and depressed. And now I really dont know what to do anymore, theres really no one I wanna life for but im too much of a pussy to kill myself so I'm here, not willing to do anything but still here. I think I just need some lifting words that motivate me to be brave and keep on going. Sorry for my poor English, I'm from germany so its not my mother tongue.

I don't have anything, no future and just.. yeah.

I don’t know where to start so I guess I give my life story. My father left me as a baby, and my mother lost custody at some point. Therefore, my grandparents had gain custody of me. For the most part, my early childhood was normal until around a certain age I was molested by an older female family member that had also extended to one of my female neighbour doing the same thing. At the time, I did not understand this or knew anything, but they as did. This didn’t impact me at; first, I was too young to understand, but as I got older I was lashing out a lot more, mainly to the female gender. At first, I didn’t realize this, and I’ve never told anyone what happened either. I felt ashamed, scared I get in trouble and no one would believe me. ​ As years went on, I grew to be more of an oddball person, an outcast among my peers. I did not get along with the female gender, and I didn’t care until I hit puberty. Around this time, I’m still super awkward and bully by everyone. I didn’t have many friends, maybe 2-3 and this stayed until high school. Up until this point, never had a girlfriend and didn’t know how to approach any girl for it. My self-confidence is long shot with abandonment issues. Most of my family thinks I’m gay and I’m still bullied. ​ Additionally, to all of this, I have developed depression. As a teenager, I look around and see people hooking up but not this guy. At home, I had several relatives just killing my confidence, saying I was gay; saying I would never amount to anything and so on. I also have , and my family stopped getting medication for it. So now, even at school, I’m struggling, staying in one spot in subjects I’m not a huge fan? Yeah, it was not great, and I ended up skipping a lot. To this day, I can’t ever get any medication for it either, but I save that little later. ​ By 12th grade, my grandfather had passed away, and he was the only thing I had to father like. My depression hits me harder and I just no longer had any desire for school. I begin skipping so much school that I was dropped from the program. I only stayed home, watch t.v and played video games. I get a job and I stayed there for five years. Naturally I find other work over time and keep going with jobs I hate. I move in with my mother at some point, I thought it be a good idea and grow closer to her. ​ My mother goes on to lie and steal from me the entire time I’m with her. I had even tried to go back to school and get my GED but told down a lot. I pay money for something, and they would pocket it. I would sleep, and they steal my credit card and spend my entire paychecks. I was often treated like a third class citizen while living with them. ​ While attending GED school, it a massive struggle for me. I can’t focus longer than 30 minutes and only a few times a week if that. I still have no medication to get back on or a way to get them. To this day, I’m quite afraid to ever try for it, in thinking I’m making it up, you last this long why now you need them. So yeah, I don’t ever get it and it always…just something I hate myself for. I just feel like I’m lazy and crap because I can’t focus on. I did end up getting half of the credits credit for GED, where I am at you don’t have to take all the test at once. You can take each test one at a time. I’m only needing math and science which both I have a tough time focusing on. Both take the longest to learn and hardest for me to stay still for. ​ At some point, I grow homeless and then move into with a relative and then kicked out after getting a bunch of money from me. Then I move back in with my grandmother who pretty much hates me or feels like it. Most of my life she told me I never do anything or amount to anything and honestly. ​ I began pro wrestling and been in for about 4-5 years now, but I don’t even have that anymore because of my limit of travel. I’m unable to drive, and I have anxiety trying to drive on an actual street. I have no reliable ride for it and because of my limitations; I will never get far for it. ​ The only relationships I’ve had is online ones, and each one never led to meeting in real life. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted too and tried to get there, but it never does. There always an excuse for each person I’ve been with and even recently it has happened. I got no confidence to try a person face to face. But at least with an online relationship, I don’t feel as lonely and keeps some depression away. ​ So yeah, that my life story and how I became who I am now. I do not have anything to look forward to in the morning, and I curse at myself for now randomly dying in my sleep. I feel like shit and the thoughts of suicidal grows stronger with each day. Make matters worse, it has become easier for me to gain weight and harder to lose weight as I age. So every time I eat, I just feel awful. I’m going bald, my vision and my hearing is getting worse. Often told I look like a 40-year-old man or something. ​ Hell, I can’t even work longer than 20 hours, and even then it feels like it pushing it. Every time I work longer than those hours I get so stressed out and my depression grows worse. I could get more hours, but when I do, I feel worse about myself. But because I don’t my family looks further down on me. I look down on myself, I feel like this waste of space lazy piece of shit. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I just feel like anything I try or will ever try will be meaningless. I feel like I’m constantly in an endless void, like stuck in the middle of the sea while unable to swim. ​ If I try to find love, it can only be online and they will always have zero interest in meeting the real me. So it will always be the same result just a different person. If I try to further my education, I can’t ever stay focus enough to make any progress and that always repeat. If I work more I feel more stress out about everything and grow more depress. If stay where I am, I’m constantly being looked down on and be called lazy. I’m growing older and fatter, I don’t have anything or able to gain nothing. I do not know what do anymore and taking my own life is constantly feel like the best solution to end the madness. ​

Boyfriend broke up with me a week after I got a shocking diagnosis, says my mood was too bad lately

hi, frankly I'm here to hear some motivational words. I've been suffering from depression since I was a child, this was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I've been feeling better for a while. However, after I got with my boyfriend it definitely got better. Now last week I got the shocking diagnosis, that I might not be able to get pregnant naturally because of an undetected infection that I had at some point and I'm going to surgery in a month due to chronic pain as consequence of this infection. I've been really depressed, angry and frustrated lately. I just think that this could have been detected sooner, as I've had pain in my lower abdomen for a while. On top of this, I'm really stressed from university because I have to do a lot of homework and also work. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 months just broke up with me because he said that I've been in a bad mood and he feels affected by this. I can't believe that he would just leave me at a time like this. He's shown 0 empathy for my situation and always said I should stop 'feeling grumpy'. I mean honestly. I moved out of my student housing room during the weekend to go live at my dad's place during this difficult time and discovered that there is mold in my room now. I just feel like I can't catch a break and wonder how I can deal with this. I'm so shocked because he always told me he loves me more than I him and that he really adores me. And now this. I mean it's good that I know this now after such a short time rather than later. No one can use a partner that won't be there for them during difficult times. I'm just having a hard time grasping this situation. I feel even worse now that he told me his reason for breaking up was that my mood had been too bad lately. I am afraid that I will be back to my major depression due to the course of these events. I'm probably gonna phone some therapists soon so that I can deal with this situation better, as I fear that I might self-harm.

Life is crumbling to pieces

Okay so my father got remarried about 2 years ago. I turn 23 on this coming up Sunday and hes been single all the way up until but thats not really something I mind. Anyway. So him and his wife just had a baby. My baby brother LT. We'll. LT finally gets to come home from the hospital today after 6 weeks because hes been having to be weened off of drugs because my dad and Bonnie are on drugs. She knew she was pregnant and never stopped. My dads been on drugs or been an alchoholic or both my whole life so whatever I guess. The thing is. My grandma has gotten custody of Bonnies two youngest kids and LT comes home today and me and my girlfriend have to help my grandma take care of everyone. Help with homework all that jazz. I dont want any of this though. I'm so mad at dad and i feel trapped in this situation. I hope dad can get cleaned up so he can have LT back but like.... He never cleaned up for me and I want LT to have a better life than me but like.... Id be mad.... Because I feel like he doesnt love me and my birthday is Sunday and its gonna be all about LT which isnt his fault but its never been about me my whole life and now this.... I feel like suicide is my only escape but I can't do that to my grandma and all my siblings and step siblings that love me. God I just wish none of this was real. Help me feel better. Please. Im so sorry this is so long. I just dont know what to do.

I don’t know why I’m seeking help here but please just read as much as you can...

So I’m 15 and for most of my life I’ve been treated not badly but like I’m really different as if there were something wrong with me (pretty much only in school since kindergarten). Other than that I’ve always been a happy kid with a great sense of humour but in the last few years since becoming a teen things have crashed down on me. I believe it was 2015 my close nan (my mums side, ill get to why that’s important later) was diagnosed with dementia (other nan lives on a farm outside my town where she barely sees anybody). In 2017 my cat that I had only had for about 5 years (when he came to my doorstep seemingly only a few weeks/months old) suddenly died from chest cancer and I felt sad mainly because I didn’t have much to do with him even though I loved him so much. Although I have had a few pet losses this hurt me for a few months (tear down my face as I’m writing this). The main reason it was so bad was how a normal day turned into hearing he was unable to move when my Aunty went home for a break, and that later turned into the vet saying he should be put down. On to the next crack in my life. Only a few weeks before I was born my dad died (I still don’t have it in me to sit with my mum and have that conversation on how it happened), and although I don’t feel sad about not having him as I’m used to it since birth, I have heard things about fatherless kids not having as good lives (although I am being co raised by my Aunty who is pretty much a 2nd mother except she can be giving the fatherly tough love some times). There has also been drama including my other Aunty doing drugs and making our life harder (I will say I don’t think it is intentional but her stupid choices are messing us all up). There’s heaps more I can talk about like my addiction to games even when I’m not enjoying them and the recent passing of artist xxxtentacion (I know he’s a very controversial person but I really enjoyed his music and just seeing his face and hearing his messages to his fans). I’m failing at school since year 8 and I’m always feeling worried about how I went in a test or having 1000 bricks on my chest scared what my mum will say when she sees how I went. I spent the entire 2nd half improving and trying my best especially in English where my teacher would repeatedly remind me I’m an intelligent kid but I’m just lazy, and when I thought I had improved I went from the first semester being all C’s and turned it into C’s and one D. I can’t focus on anything important in class, I can’t remember stuff and it feels like everything I’ve explained in this post is coming together and ruining my life, making me feel hopeless and giving me a feeling of life being pointless. My ideal life right now would be one where I can stay home all day without worrying about any responsibilities or having to deal with my peers or school. Being around people seems to make me feel more lonely. Being around family im almost always happy. Avoiding all of these things feels like it would make me feel great again even though me in my right mind would’ve hated the idea of being alone at home all day with my “boring” parents. I don’t know what to do. I want to see a doctor deep down but i also don’t want to know if there’s something wrong, I don’t want to do the whole medication and therapy thing. I just want to be a normal kid who can be happy and out there like I used to be. I’m sorry for talking so much but I just wanted to let it all out and ask if people think these are signs that I should seek help. Maybe if there’s anybody going through something similar to me who has been diagnosed. Any sign to help me know what’s wrong with me because I want to seek help but I don’t want to tell my parents about it and have them tell me I’m just going through the teenage stage of life, and then have a doctor tell me the same and make me look and feel even worse. At this point I don’t know what I’m talking about but I just don’t want to keep feeling like this. If this isn’t depression then I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to have to deal with this horrible feeling in my body anymore.

Looking into therapy

I need someone to help guide me through my problems. I normally would talk to my girlfriend but things are getting worse. I don't have insurance so everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be super expensive. I don't know where to start I've only had school therapists. I work 6 am to 6 pm Monday through Saturday so I don't really have any free time. Just wondering if anyone could explain the process or just better help me understand the steps I should take.

Admitting no bond with toddler and wondering if its justified or b/c Im just a terrible person.

I know I love her but dont feel overwhelmed in love with 3 year old. In fact, i feel awkward hugging, I dont like her all over me and KNOW this should be so much deeper of a connection. My factors involved include me losing my first child, a son at 5 mos from a rare genetic condition. I also suffer from bipolar depression and constantly struggling. Is my depression and hatred for myself the reason Im not fully loving her..b/c i dont love ME? Is it b/c of the loss of my son and maybe deep down Im afraid and protecting myself. It could be Im just a cold jerk. Help only.

I need help..

So i've been down a lot lately, i usually buy oxy for the "happy" feeling. I could not get any so i bought Lenoltec 15MG caffeine, 300MG acetaminophen, 8mg Codeine. This is not the first time i resorted to this.. in 3 days i've taken 90 tablets. so that is about 30,000mg of acetaminophen. In Oct i did the same thing and ended up in hospital getting detoxed, that didnt stop me from doing it again nov and dec but over a longer period of time. but this time 90 tablets in 3 days, I am suicidal so i really don't care what happens to me.

Prozac worries

I got prescribed 10 mg of Prozac today and I was doing some research about Serotonin Syndrome ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin\_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_syndrome)). Basically it's a very severe condition that can occur when people mix SSRIs like Prozac and other serotonergic drugs. This left me with a couple of questions. ​ Dextromorphethan is one of the drugs that can interact with SSRIs to cause the syndrome. I recently had a bad cough and took a lot of it. Also, I dropped acid in the last 3 months, which also can cause the syndrome when mixed with SSRIs. Am I at risk? I haven't had any drug of any sort for two weeks, and don't plan to while on Prozac, but I can't help but fear that any latent amount of these drugs in still my system could kill me when I start taking Prozac. ​ Would appreciate any insight. ​ (I also have anxiety so if this question seems ridiculous and paranoid, now you know)

So Much Pain In The World

I read Tara Condell's suicide note and it really hit home for me. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. Sometimes it seems like the little things in life aren't enough to make up for all the suffering I see in the world. I can't understand how someone can have 4 houses, take 12 cruises a year and fly around in private jets when everyone else is dying. How can we be this selfish as a species? Darwinism no longer controls us, it's survival of the wealthy, which I know I will never be.

am I suicidal even if I know I won't kill myself?

Sorry I don't usually post so this might be kind of sloppy. for starters, I am not going to kill myself. I care too much about other peoples feelings. And my cats. But all my mind can think of is how nice it would be to be dead. I've been depressed like this one other time in my life, but this is the first time I have seriously considered self harm-I guess as a way to escape the internal pain? I haven't taken any steps to self harm but I have a strong urge to do so. I just want everything to end. I have no drive to do anything. I'm irritable as fuck. Nothing is going right and even if it was I probably wouldn't acknowledge it. Idk how to get out of this mindset-I have absolutely no urge to change anything, which is what everyone keeps telling me to do. I've tried to look for psychiatrists and psychologist's but its super fucking hard in this mental state and there's a shit ton of steps to just get on the waiting list, and finding someone who takes my insurance etc.... My question is whether or not this is still considered suicidal, even though I know I won't end my life, I would just like to. Anyone else experience this?

i have been diagnosed with depression but my dad refuses to consider medication

i have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder by multiple medical professionals but my dad won’t even consider that taking antidepressants could help me in any way. he believes that i’m just going to be suck trying different pills and none if them will help. i’m not even sure if he really thinks i have depression. every time i say anything about it, he believes i’m exaggerating my symptoms or that i’m trying to be depressed, when i would give anything to be able to no longer struggle doing things i used to love or any basic task. what can i do about this?

why do I feel a void, or a hole in my chest?

Disclaimer: I am sorry if this post doesn’t fit, but I’ve tried posting elsewhere and haven’t gotten help. I have not been diagnosed with depression nor have I felt as if I did before. To start, I watched this video on YouTube after scrolling through my recommendations for a bit. https://youtu.be/mB_0FXiFHd0 To be honest, I thought it was pretty sad, and it spoke to me in a way I’ve never felt. Afterwards, I began to feel an emotional hole in my chest, or, a void. I’m not sure what feeling this video triggered, but it’s happened to me only a few times before, and it’s never been this bad. Going on 6 days now, whenever i think of the girl in the video, I think of the song and what she went through. I feel it. It doesn’t matter where I am, what I am doing, or who I’m with. I’ve also began to feel less motivated to do things in my pastime. As a naive junior in h/s, I’m really not sure what to make of all this. Help would be much appreciated. **TL;DR** why do things make me feel a void in my chest?

Self-Improvement help

After 2.5 years of living with my girlfriend she left. I don't want to get much into detail but up until some months ago relationship was great, then we started having some minor issues, which bummed me out a little. I never told her about it: it's no big deal, I can't justify being mad about this little thing... I thought. Of course you can figure that these minor issues only began to grew, pushed us apart and ultimately killed the relationship. When we recently talked about this it was already too late, but upon openly talking about the matter I understood her behaviour much better. Probably, if we had talked about that way sooner we could have saved the relationship. The problem is, it is not the first time I do that. I have had previous relationships die for the same reasons. So here I am once again, depressed because my fear of confrontation killed what was the best relationship, by far, that I have ever had. She was such a great girl and I fucked up everything. I also believe that it was not only lack of communication / confrontation fear. When things were going bad the thought of breaking up was constantly in my head. Again, I never told her about it nor decided to take the step myself. This is probably because I don't have many friends and fear solitude. There are a lot of times already when I feel lonely, especially during the latter months, and I didn't want to make matters worse. However, I am almost sure that having this constant break up thought made me unconsciously sabotage the relationship and be more distant. Of course, talking about this stuff earlier on would have probably helped. I am fed up with this, I know that keeping things to myself and other similar behaviours of mine are only going to keep destroying relationships, but it's like I can't help it. As I said this is not the first time this happens to me and would probably not be the last one if I don't force myself to change. Probably, right now I should focus on getting out of the post-breakup depression (filling the void she left, new hobbies, activities...) and move on but there is a lot in me I'd like to improve, just to name a few: \- Manage & control emotions better - as you can gather from all the previous \- Be more confident: My confidence is not the worst but I find it lacking most of the time \- Have better human relationships: As I mentioned I don't have too many friends. I usually have a hard time accepting new people into my life. Most of my human interactions feel fictitious, most I get lately are from work (not real friendships). I can go entire weekends home alone without no one contacting me, thus, feeling lonely. I am mostly an introvert, I once saw a post of another fellow introvert that said the best days of his life where when an extrovert "adopted" him. Never a post has spoken so much to me. \- Social anxiety: Not super bad in my case but I tend to get anxious in large groups, especially if I don't know anyone. I tend to feel uncomfortable and out of place. \- Be less clingy: I have always been the one dumped and I always have a hard time accepting it, probably easy to understand bearing into consideration the previous points. I have not much of a clue where to start from, however. I believe I've seen people recommend meditation but I never was too sure about it, maybe I should give it a go? Or self-help books? Courses? Seeing a psychologist or some other kind of therapy? My most sincere thanks to anyone that goes through this entire post, I wanted to keep it short but oh well.

High functioning depression

Hi everyone, I've been lurking in depression subreddits for a while but I finally decided to post. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and clinical depression. I was diagnosed when I was 17 but since I started university my depression has become more high functioning, and there have been times when people do not believe me when I open up about my depression. Even when I talked about my PTSD from a sexual assault and a mentally abusive relationship, some people did not believe me. I shower two times a day every day, I finish all my assignments a week ahead of time and I make sure I get near perfect grades on everything, I work 5-6 days a week, I'm a clean freak who has to do laundry and dishes every single day or else I panic. My anxiety disorder screams at me to get these things done or else my anxiety will eat me alive. I've had people who tell me my depression "isn't real" because their depression had them unable to leave their bed. When I talked about my struggles with suicidal thoughts I was skirted to the side and seen as a liar, while someone else was praised for their struggles because they were unable to continue going to college due to their depression. I felt like screaming that depression is not a contest. It ruins lives and there is no "one size fits all" depression. I just need support that my struggles are valid.

Does anyone else feel like the saturation in their life is turned down?

The best way I can describe how I feel is: feeling as if someone has turned down the saturation in my life. I can feel emotions. When I’m with friends and family or watch a funny video I laugh and smile, but it just feels empty? Lifeless? Like on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the happiest) I know I should be feeling a 10 and in general the situation is a 10 but for some reason I can’t seem to get past a 5 at most. It’s like my brain is saying “this is funny you should laugh and feel happy” but I just don’t feel that? At least not fully. It’s like my 5 is other people’s 10s, both are fully happy just one is less than the other. When other people are laughing so much they’re in tears and can’t catch their breath I’m only chuckling, even though I *know* the situation is funny. I can’t even remember a time where I laughed so much I was in tears. When I laugh it almost feels like a chore or an automatic response that I could just as easily not do. This is hard to explain but when I laugh and smile it’s like i’m not physically feeling it. What I imagine true happiness to feel like is a warmness, something you can physically feel in your body, but when I smile/laugh the outside physically changes but inside I don’t feel anything. It almost feels as if I’m acting but I’m not because I do know the situation is funny. It’s like there’s a disconnect somewhere. It’s hard to explain. And this is just one emotion, I feel this with everything. The only emotions I seem to be able to feel the strongest are annoyance/anger and sadness, but even that’s toned down, not saturated, lifeless.

How do I make a female partner who's depressed feel better?

(**repost because i forgot to use my alt)** Hey guys. So I'm hanging out with my girlfriend on Friday, who is depressed and may have some sort of bpd issues (as pointed out by multiple redditors). They have been irritable and angry for a long time, and there's a lot on her mind, so I'm giving them the week without talking to her to recollect her. I was hoping to get everyone's advice on how I should talk to her. ​ I want to make clear that they does not think she's depressed, but all symptoms are there. irritability, feeling of emptiness, mood swings, sadness, (sometimes) excessive substance intake. they even admitted they were depressed a while ago and had thoughts of killing or harming herself. ​ I am worried about her and if she won't accept and get help herself, I'm trying to see how I can make things better. The stuff I have planned out on Friday are: 1. I surprise her by letting her choose what I get her for valentine's day 2. We cuddle and watch a movie or something 3. She goes out with some friends who are moving away 4. when she's back, we hang out again and maybe watch our favorite tv show. 5. play some kind of video game or just talk Are any of you able to tell me what else I can do to make my partner feel happier? Like whether it's daily or what I can just do on Friday. I want her to come out of her rut and be happy like she was once before. I'm really trying to make it fun but not suffocate her. We've been fighting a lot lately and it got pretty bad so I'm willing to do whatever. ​ Thanks ​

Just need to rant a little bit

I've always been someone who bottles up my thoughts, problems and feelings. I know that it's a shitty way of dealing with things but oh well... It's come back to bite me in the arse now. I'm a senior so uni is coming up later this year. I'm having so much trouble planning my future, choosing what to study etc. I was thinking of having a gap year, but my country is changing some stuff which will make it much harder for me to get in 2020, so I should apply this year instead. My finals are coming up really soon and I'm so terrified of not doing well. And I don't know if I'm just imagining things but it feels like things are falling apart with my best friends too. It feels like they're ganging up together against me, to pick on me and freeze me out. Everytime I hang out with them I feel extra depressed, but at the same time I feel guilty for being a downer. No one's asked me how I'm doing, but I also don't want to dump my problems onto anyone. It feels like my friends wouldn't care anyway. So much has changed, they've changed so much since the first year. I feel like I can't trust them anymore. My boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago so our relationship ended, and I feel really lonely. I just want to cry and isolate myself from the world. I hate myself for being like this. God, I feel so helpless and lonely.

Dealing with toxic parents and mental illnesses

I have a friend whom I'm doing my best to support. She has grave issues with her family. Her father is extremely toxic, he calls her names, does not allow certain things, picks on her physically. Her little sister has learned this behavior from her father and does the same thing, but more often. Actually, she hates to stay home and spends her days outside or someplace like a cafe, college, rpg clubs. She has ridiculously low self-esteem and can't see anything good in her life. Looks like she gets really happy and emotional if I take a walk with her, invite her for lunch or just chat with her, but reality hits her harder and I can't be there for her every time. Moreover, she has mental illnesses like anxiety and panic attacks that are provoked by extreme emotions (happiness, fear, sadness) and need medication to fight it. It appears that she had a few attempts to take her life... Is there a good way for a depressed person to deal with a toxic family? No, moving out is not an option since finances are scarce. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

My parents sat down with me and said they’ve noticed a change in me, and they are worried about me.

They said I’ve smiled less and had a shorter temper the past few months, and that I’ve gotten in trouble 3 times at school this year, which is very out of character of me. Then, my dad asked me what was bugging me, and I know something is, but I don’t know what. I just told him “nothing” and said “I haven’t changed”, I still get good grades and hang out with friends, but Now that they brought it up, I do notice a change in myself. even though I know something has changed, I don’t know what. My parents then asked if there was anything in my life I’d want to change, and I said, again,”nothing”. If I don’t even know what is making me like this, how can I get help? Where do I start? I’m lost.

HS ruined my life

HS was the start of several problems to my mental health, stress, anxiety, social problems (and bad grades with it too as a consequence)... Everything started back on the 31st of October of last year when we were having a party in our class because of Halloween, then two bullies entered the classroom, and basically changed my life. There was a bully episode that day, and was the consequence of me changing the section of the class, which means changing classmates and teachers. I made the right choice as I was constantly harrassed by the old classmated and the teachers were bad, like, really bad. So I changed the section, and I thought everything was back to normal. I was wrong. I find it hard to even study now. I can't force myself into doing nothing. Literally nothing. There is nothing I can do even to go to school. It's really fucking hard. I failed my mom. I failed everyone and what I wanted to be. I find myself in the situation where I cry a lot thinking about this. I am a failure. My mom had faith in me. There is still people that love me. My grandparents, my mom, everyone in my family. Except I haven't talked about it to any one of them. I think it would be embarrassing because they can't understand what it's like to be like this. I expect an answer like "you're too young". And they are almost right, except depression can be found at any age. I'm having a mental breakdown, seriously. As I said before, I struggle when I want to force myself into doing things, like homework or just study. I just want to end it right now. The only thing that makes me sad about it is what my family will think about. It not gonna be their fault. I even failed them. They were never strict with me, always there to love me. But now everything has changed, I'm a disappoint to them even though I don't know it already. They know nothing about my mental state. It's hard guys. Life is hard. And meaningless. The only reason I'm still alive is because of my mom and my family.

I need some help

When I was 13 years old suffered from bullying at school and I had depression for a long time, my parents knew about it because I put a lot of suicidal stuff on my facebook and I had a friend of my dad on my friends list, so she saw it, talked to me and after she called my parents. They helped me (more my mom) and they took me out of school. But my parents started to say that it was a shame, that everyone would find out about my depression and they wanted to take all of my social medias so no one will know I’m sick. After that I was scared to talk about them about how I feel. When I was 16 I started to feel empty and scared, I was scare of the night, I was scare to go to sleep, I started to push all my friends away and I stopped liking the things I used to do. I didn’t know what it was, so I told my parents I was feeling weird, but my dad just told me “You are just growing up” And I never talked to them about the topic again. I’m 18 rn, 2 years hiding my depression and now is killing me, I can’t hide it anymore and I really want to search for help, I want to tell them but I’m scare that they just push me away. I didn’t told them about my depression because I didn’t wanted to bother them with my problems and I don’t want that they treat me like a bad person. Btw, sorry for my grammar and I hope some one can help me, I don’t know how to tell my parents about it.

I’ve generally got a good life. Why am I still sad?

I’m 23, graduated from a great college, have a supportive family, no student debt, no huge skeletons in my closet. I’m even engaged. I hate my job (military) and it stresses me out a lot which is part of it but other than that I don’t know why sometimes I just feel like I can’t get out of bed in the morning and I don’t have any enjoyment in anything. I don’t even like eating food any more and have lost about 20lbs in the past 2 months (I don’t have weight to lose- currently I’m 5’10” and 135lbs...). I just feel completely unfulfilled and like nothing matters but I also feel extremely guilty because I’ve never had anything “bad” happen to me. What’s wrong with me, and how do I fix it?

How can I even tell if antidepressants are working if I have no way to tell?

So I was diagnosed with depression&anxiety when I was 12 and my family wasn't very supportive, they basically chalked it up to teenage angst and did nothing to help me. So now I'm 19 and at college and in an environment with friends and a loving boyfriend that actually gives a fuck about whether I live or die. I've been going to therapy services that my school offers and it's helped I think and they've also got me on my first ever round of antidepressants, Zoloft. I've been on it for about 2 months and I really thought they were helping, like I could go out in public alone and not freak out. But now I just feel lost and like everything is somehow worse than it ever was before and I've been bottling it up and repressing it because that's all I know and also I suck at emotion identification because of said repression. I think I was trying to convince myself I was better because all I wanted to do was feel what it would be like to be "normal" and not have to live with this feeling of dread and hopelessness and wanting of nothing. Mainly I just want to know what it'll be like to actually be on something that has a positive impact or something that actually helps instead of me convincing myself it does but actually doesn't. TLDR: depressed and thought meds were helping but actually weren't. How can I tell that they're actually helping instead of making it worse?

I need help.

I have been going through some stuff and it’s really weighing on me. Me and my ex broke up about 6-7 months ago, she blocked me and won’t even talk to (I haven’t tried in months so don’t worry I’m not trying to stalk her) anyways, I needed a fresh start, I moved 3 states away and now I’m completely on my own, I don’t have any friends yet since I’ve only been here about a month and it is. HARD. Almost every night. I dream about her, every day I think about her. I have gotten rid of everything that I had from her pictures included but I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t have health insurance yet so I can’t get therapy, but I’m working on it. But I need something to get me through, no matter how many girls I’m with or anything it doesn’t help, I just need some advice on what to do until I can get professional help, I’m constantly depressed. I always feel like shit. Help me... please

I feel like I can’t talk to anyone

Recently my boyfriend (the only person I’ve talked to about my seasonal depression) told me that he thinks I’m too emotionally dependent on him. I understand why he says that (as previously stated he’s the only person I’ll talk to) and I understand that he said it because he’s worried. But it makes me feel like I can’t talk to him either anymore. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to be emotionally dependent on someone but I can’t do this alone either. I’ve cried myself to sleep so many times since he told me, I’ve wanted to self harm again so badly, and I can’t talk about it to anyone. I tried telling him that I just feel worse and all he said was “I don’t know what to say”. I guess my reaction to what he said just proves that I am emotionally dependent on him but I just need someone I trust to talk to, but recently my best friend has become someone I barely recognize. I don’t have anyone else to talk to, now I don’t have anyone. I recently made an appointment to go see one of my college’s guidance councillors, but I haven’t had my appointment yet. I guess I’ll see what comes of that...

Thinking of changing antidepressants

Hi first time posting so I’m a little nervous but basically, I have been on lexapro for a while for depression and anxiety but I don’t know if it’s helping I never really said anything because I thought it would take time but it’s been over a year, and still not too many results , it hasn’t been completely useless and I don’t know if maybe I just don’t understand how they work and it’s doing it’s job, but I just feel like I need a change. I’m going to the doctor who prescribed my medicine tomorrow and am wondering If I should bring it up?

I study at university and things have become EXTREMELY difficult

I’m a university student and recently things have become really tough. There are several problems that I’ve got no idea how to solve: 1. Social anxiety: it’s insanely stressful for me to interact with people. My classmates are girls and I’m the only guy in the group so it makes interactions even harder cause I try to be nice with them. Sometimes I get random panic attacks (dizziness, increased heartbeat, sweaty and trembling palms) that make it impossible to talk to anyone or even to keep up with what the teacher is saying during lectures. Moreover, I cannot even approach my crush, cause this girl is very cute and adorable 2. Irritated bowel syndrome: this thing makes my life like ten times harder. I have to endure extreme pain all the time and I also often get late for classes. Recently one of my teachers (he’s not aware of this problem) has told me that he won’t let me in for the class if I get even a minute late ever again. IBS + panic attacks also make things like public speaking extremely difficult 3. Conscription: the main reason I study at university is to avoid it. For me conscription is constant beating, humiliation, shitty food, life without sleep and weekends and being in a tough environment 24/7. My health is not good enough to endure conscription, I just won’t stand it. Also if I’m gonna have a girlfriend, she is not gonna wait for me to return. Most girls here break up with their boyfriends if those get conscripted. There are several other problems like studying in the faculty that I don’t like but cannot change faculty because here it’s almost impossible. Psychological help is also very expensive and mostly useless here so for me it’s not an option. What am I supposed to do to solve it? How can I make this life better?

I need someone

This is the first time I’m posting and I really need help with how I feel.I’m 16 I don’t feel needed by anyone,I’m depressed and I just want to kill myself.My friends are always doing other things so I never get to talk to them every girl I’ve talked doesn’t seem to care about me they always ghost me every time I think I’m getting close.I don’t know what I’m even trying to convey to you I just want to be needed by someone,appreciated by someone and loved by someone is there anyone who understands and can help

Gf won't get help because she doesn't want to change

I'm at a complete loss here. I (27f) suffer from depression and anxiety myself. I'm having trouble reaching out for help, but I'm slowly building the courage and doing self help because I want to get better and be a happy person. Last night my girlfriend (28f) who has been struggling for a while told me that she's in a really dark place. When I started to lead the discussion into getting help or even just a little self help, she just gave me a flat out no. She's been suffering for years and the various meds and therapy she goes through just help her for a little while and then she goes back to depression. She says she doesn't want to be different. She doesn't want to work on being happy because then she isn't herself. Doesn't like the feel of being on meds because she isn't herself. She's fine just accepting being depressed as her default state and one day when she's tired of living she'll end it all. She doesn't want to end it now so she's not eligible to be hospitalised. But she is calm and completely certain that eventually she will kill herself. I don't know what to do with such clear and calm certainty. She struggles with similar things that I do. I try to give the answers that hope are true. "what's the point of living when all we do is work and sleep to pay for a place we never use because we're working or sleeping" "I'm not worth saving" "nobody cares" etc, but she just refutes it and stays where she is. Problem is, I leave the country in the next 6 months (so we've always known our relationship has an expiry date) and she has no support network. She has no family and very few friends that are in a position to help out. She's spent quite a lot of time homeless in the past. I don't know what to do. It feels like she only wants to get better if it happens organically, but that is a rarity. TL;DR gf won't get help. She doesn't want to be on meds/therapy because it means she isn't herself, so it's kinda like she just wants to be depressed with the idea that eventually she will kill herself What can I do? I'm drowning here

Rage in my chest

I was going to therapy, seeing a doctor for my depression but I just stopped going. I'm to embarrassed to show my face since I missed my appointments and its been over a month since I've been back. I'm getting worse again. I don't want to take my meds. I don't want to talk to my therapist. I can talk to yall since yall dont know me. I just wanted to know if there was someone else on the same boat as me. I am just constantly angry. Just filled with rage and I keep throwing and breaking things. I can't live like this anymore. Does anyone else get this terrible rage feeling in their chest? I've been on zoloft and prozac and they've both made me feel so different and not in a good way.

I don’t know if I’m depressed.

I’m 17, I don’t know how I should word this because it’s hard to describe for me. I’ve been feeling terrible lately, my mind races all the time, so I distract myself with games. I’ve had a loss of appetite for the past couple of months. I generally don’t feel like doing anything, as in no energy or motivation. I’ve been this way for a while but I didn’t want to self diagnose but I am going to talk to someone at the end of the month. If I am depressed, is there any advice you can give to help me not succumb to my thoughts? I don’t want to die but I do think about it sometimes.

Lost in a rabbit hole @_@

Hi, I'm 23 years old and I tend to feel like I'm wasting time. I stopped going to college at the end of 2017, I didn't go back for the fall semester. I found two pretty good jobs until they both laid me off, due to the fact that they were only seasonal. After that I havent felt like filling out applications, instead I've been pursuing my dream job. I want to be a journalist and lately I've been so far down the rabbit hole of story writing I feel like I nearly lost touch with reality. I know in order to learn you have to fail over and over and that's how I feel. At the same time I feel like I've been spending way too much time writing and researching I forgot when the last time I talked to another human being. Im not that close to my family and I only have a couple friends, who seem to be busy most of the time. When I'm not obsessing with writing I catch myself day dreaming about a perfect world where I go out on the weekends and have fun. I have never really experienced that and the thought makes me feel alone or that this humanity. People are just words on a screen now. If anyone has any tips please let me know!

I want to go home

I (F, 19) am a sophomore in college. I have a wonderful family-- my three siblings and I are extremely close, and our parents love us and each other. I know I'm very lucky for that. I grew up on a small farm in the desert, and we were dirt poor. Our house was a hundred years old and was built from adobe and railroad ties. The plywood floors had holes in them that snakes and mice would come through, and my sister and I shared a bed until I was twelve. I remember times when all we had to eat was what we had left over from the previous harvest and the animals we had raised. My summers were spent working our land and taking trips with my friends from church and school to the muddy river that only flowed with the snowmelt in the spring and the torrential monsoons in the summer. We always had dogs and barn cats and chickens. It was so simple and easy, and I loved that farm and my life with my whole heart. When I was 15, we moved to a city a few hours away and kept the farm. We'd go up on weekends to take care of little projects, and I would get to see the friends I'd grown up with. I never felt like I had really moved away. I've since started college in a town much closer to my farm, and I go to visit often. My dad stayed up there for work and stays in a trailer we brought up. He takes care of our chickens and farms in the warmer months. Our work weekends are more scattered now that all the kids are grown and moved away. Our house is uninhabitable now and the land is going wild again. Coming home just isn't the same anymore. Lately, all I want, and all I can think about, is to go home. Not just making the drive and seeing my dad and the farm. I fantasize about waking up in the morning in my bed, 10 again, snuggled with my sister against the cold and the wind howling outside. I want to be with my family the way we were when we all lived under the same roof and to work in the garden and take walks through the desert with my brother, looking for elk and coyote tracks in the river basin. I want to hear the native languages I grew up hearing, but not understanding, in school again. I want to go back to the nights when we didn't have enough money to pay our electricity bill and my mom and dad would bring out the oil lamps and our domino set and we'd play games and read by the lamplight and just enjoy each others company. I miss my dad coming home from work, bone-tired and smelling like the propane he would fill train cars with for transport and the way he'd give me a big hug and a snuggle before he went to bed. I miss the tiny town I went to school in and the way I believed in the church I went to whole-heartedly. I miss going to the Fourth of July Rodeo a few towns over. I miss my mom making us oatmeal pancakes and homemade buttermilk syrup on mornings we'd go out to the juniper stands and cut wood for the winter. I go to sleep at night hoping that when I wake up, that is where I am. I wake up in the morning devastated that instead, I've woken up in my apartment to an alarm clock and have to get ready for school and then work. Absolutely devastated. I don't know how to get over it. I am just existing. I can't find joy in anything. I feel like my life has no purpose and that I'm just going through the motions. I'm terrified of the day that one of my family members dies. I'm scared that one day something will happen and we won't see each other again. That I'll come back to the farm and find that everything we'd built is gone and that I will never find comfort. I am at a loss of what to do. I don't know what I want from this post, but I just needed to put these words down and get them off my chest. My parents would be distraught if they knew I was so sad. I just really don't know what to do. If you're still reading this, thank you. I'm sorry for rambling.

Should I use the psychological help service that my university provides for free?

Lately I've been feeling really low. I can't make myself leave the bed, I start crying out of the blue and everything is just so heavy. I think I've always suffered from some kind of depression but I've never been to therapy because I couldn't afford it on my own and my family didn't ever suspect anything. Now I live on my own in another city. Yesterday I discovered that my university provides psychological help for students for free. Do you think I should give it a go? I'm a bit afraid because I don't know what to expect and I don't really know what to tell them when I'll be there. I know they don't provide help for very serious issues (you'll need a psychiatrist for that) and I hope they don't take care for only "university related problems". On the other hand, I have nothing to lose because it's free. Did you ever try anything like that?

How do I muster the energy to cook and eat, especially at the end of the day?

Does anyone have tips or psychological tricks for getting yourself to eat regularly, especially at dinner? I’m pretty good about eating on days when I have classes (college student). I always eat before class so I can be energetic and focused (and because stomach grumbles are embarrassing). I always have a healthy big breakfast. My problem is with weekends and dinner. I’m usually mentally tuckered out after classes and interacting with people and rush to get home. When I come home, all I can do is curl up in my bed and maybe do homework in bed. Even doing something small like changing into PJs and brushing my teeth is very tough. Taking time to prep food and eat it is just a lot of mental effort, even if it’s just microwaving leftovers. I also live with others - I feel safe in my room but going into the kitchen is leaving my safety zone. My roommates are great but at the end of the day I really don’t want to see anyone except maybe my best friend. When he comes over for dinner on occasion I feel motivated to cook and eat, but he usually has evening classes or work so I can’t always rely on his presence. Or if I’m out with friends and we’re getting fast food I can eat because I don’t have to put in any effort and I’m outside anyways. And weekends are really tough because I hate leaving my room just for food and I don’t feel the same need to eat without classes to attend or things to do. So I end up eating one very hasty big meal of sandwiches or something when I get really hungry. Can anyone relate? Any psychological tricks people have for making themselves eat and get ready for bed? When I was living with family someone would usually tug me to the dinner table at night, but no one does that to me in college :( I find it difficult to stay at a healthy weight for this reason. It’s really easy to drop a few pounds when I’m under additional stress; some weeks I just can’t do dinners at all.

17 year old forced to stop Paxil 20mg cold turkey. Looking for Advice!

I was very recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well as anxiety, anxiety related insomnia, and severe depression from the previous improper diagnosis of Bipolar ii, and I was taking Paxil 20mg for 2 months. After my third change of psychiatrist, I was instructed to stop Paxil cold turkey in favor of staring prozac in 2 weeks because of the risks associated with adolescents taking Paxil. He is adamant on me stopping as soon as possible and I do understand why this is important, for the drug is **still not FDA approved for treating depression in teens even though it is commonly used for it**. I am currently 3 days in, and I am experiencing the full force of the withdrawals- Severe headaches and zaps, cold sweats, strange dreams and waking up in sweats, equilibrium and balance issues, tingling of extremities and numbness in hands, lightheadedness, suicidal ideation, dissociation, severe mood swings and racing thoughts. As someone very new to all of this and the processes associated with treatment, Id really appreciate anything, **and I mean anything**, anyone has to say about their personal experiences with withdrawals from Paxil or any antidepressant for that matter as well as any tips for managing this hell for the next 2 weeks. Thankfully, I am not currently enrolled in high school, so i am not forced to deal with this while stuck in class, but its challenging to go through this seemingly alone without contact from others. **Appreciate any feedback or thoughts I can get.**

I have been severely depressed and it is affecting my school work and looking for advice

Since I've hit my 20's, my depression has just plummeted. In high school, I hadn't been diagnosed yet with my anxiety and depression, and even though it was present it didn't feel nearly as bad as this. I hit my 20's, now 23 yrs old, and I am having constant depression cycles. The cycles are becoming more frequent and each time it feels harder to come out of. As of lately I have been probably the most down that I have felt to date. I am in my sophomore year of college as a bio major. I haven't been keeping up with classes, I have been failing exams and I don't have nearly enough credits to keep my scholarship for my junior year. I have fucked myself so badly with school I don't know what to do. I want so badly to take a leave of absence to get myself together, up my medication and see a therapist. I really want to get better. However, if I take a leave from school I will lose all financial aid for my junior year as well. My fiancé and I are pretty financially responsible people and have budgeted out for the next year and a half based on the financial aid we both receive. It is not an option to lose that money or we will be completely fucked. I am asking advice on what to do. I need to take a break from school or I will just keep digging myself deeper into this GPA and depression nightmare, but we also can't lose any money from it. I do want to reenroll for the fall semester, but I just need a break now. I am lost. Any advice would be so helpful.

I don’t know what to do

I’m 18, I have had depression and anxiety for over a year now. I’m not a very emotional person but recently I’ve been getting so mad at nothing, so mad at people trying to help me and I know they are trying to help and I don’t mean to get mad but it happens, my anxiety has been kicking off recently too. I start to get itchy, I start shaking and my throat feels tight at random times. I don’t have energy to do anything, the smallest things seem so big. I’m so anxious and tense, how can I relax myself. Please help me if you can

I can't open up to anyone

I just don't have anyone to open up to. I've never been close to my sister, and my dad hates me. the only person in my close family I could talk to is my mum, and I don't want to tell her just how bad I feel all the time, because she gets really stressed about everything, and I don't wanna hurt her. I'm not nearly close enough to any of my friends to talk to them about how i feel. I keep posting online, reaching out because i need to feel like somebody cares. and as supportive as everyone has been every single time, I need a shoulder to cry on. I need a hug more than anything in the world, and I can't have it.

My friend is dying inside and I don't know how to help him

My friend has had depression for at least 4 years now. My friends and I have been helping him through his depression for a while. He's been through therapy and had been admitted to a mental hospital about a year ago for attempted suicide and self harm. But it doesn't feel like anything is changing. He's still numb with not much to look forward to, and I don't know what he wants to do with his life. I need some advice, because I don't know how much longer he can hold on before he inevitably kills himself.

What activities do you like to do to face your apathy?

Hi all. I've been dealing with my D&A for about Nine Years now and am just becoming an adult. I have only accepted my D&A and started working on it for the past year. I seem to have reached some sort of Plateau with my apathy. I do not feel distressed I feel like I am not feeling anything at all. I am so apathetic about everything, nothing seems to bring me enthusiasm and my motivation is non existent. I realize that I am just being a lazy bum and am embarrassed but I feel so chill and unfazed by flaking on all of my plans including buying things masturbating eating or anything of instant gratification and my subconscious just says "Don't care." or "Will do later. Have plenty of life left." Do you use any activities or techniques to give you a returning sense of feeling or emotion of any kind? I've been this way for weeks.

Cutting

Hello, Yesterday I cut myself, on my arm. I'm wondering how it will heal? I feel terrible about it, and really don't want anyone to see my arm. But I can't hide it forever, and my girlfriend will see it eventually. I can hide it from other people, but not her. I just wanted to escape my thoughts but they have only turned worse as a result of what I did. Usually I'll just hit my knuckles into walls, until I physically can't do it anymore. But that heals faster, from what I've heard this can take a while. ​ Sorry about the poor phrasing, I'm Swedish. Thank you for reading.

I AM DONE

Hi I know everybody has their own share of depressions and problems in life and I for one have no one to listen to me. I am here to ask you guys for an advice. I’ve did some things that I know was wrong and now i’m facing the consequences of my actions. I’m the type of person who puts her emotions first so it affects all of my decisions. I really don’t know what to do. I feel so alone and lost. I said I won’t do suicide or would be depressed but it’s eating me up inside. Please give me your advices :(

I feel myself slipping again

I’ve been at February vacation away from school this year and I can’t help but feel I’ve been wasting it. I’ve done nothing of note, not even watching a movie or going to the grocery store, the only times I’ve left my house are for sports practice which I **dread** and just despise. I think it’s been a long time coming but in the past few hours I’ve felt myself slipping in again to the pot of despair where I’m more irritated, testy, emotional and numb, and moody, and overall a pit in my stomach forms that I have to live through. They’ve happened more and more and for longer durations since I began taking meds and therapy. Any advice at all on how to buffer this dread and flare of depression would be greatly appreciated, I can already feel myself sliding into it and just about all advice is appreciated.

I'm alone.

I'm lost. I'm afraid. I'm worthless. I have no one in my life anymore, bar one friend who lives on the opposite side of the world. I lost my boyfriend yesterday. He broke up with me because my depression was bringing him down. I understand, I guess, but the last thing I could ever have wanted or needed was my boyfriend to leave me, he was my rock, and he cheered me up even on my worst days. I have no family. They never wanted much to do with me, especially when I started developing mental health issues 8 years ago. They slowly but surely made their way out of my life and upset me in the most awful ways. I have no friends. I moved into university and left my friends at home, and I really struggled to make new friends here. I have one, my flatmate, but that's it, no one else wants anything to do with me. I'm even considering moving back home to a mother who really dislikes me and made my life a living hell, I can't stay here at uni. I have no one left. I have no reason to live anymore. I've fought for so long, and surprisingly, I think I can say I'm currently at the lowest part of my life, and I have gone through and done a tonne of shit. I don't know what to do anymore.

I am lost.. without purpose.. I just need help, talk, anything really...

I have already posted this in /r/advice subreddit, but i want as much advise froma as many people as possible. So I am posting a link here. Thank you so very much. ​ [https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/atvzbo/i\_am\_lost\_without\_purpuse\_i\_cannot\_live\_like\_this/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/atvzbo/i_am_lost_without_purpuse_i_cannot_live_like_this/)

Should I?

First time posting and on my phone, sorry about the format. I’m (27f) at a breaking point with my depression and anxiety. I’m a stay at home mom with two kids and my husband works all the time. The last couple of weeks or so I’ve been angry, constantly angry about everything and I can’t pinpoint the cause of it. A friend told me I was angry because of depression. I’ve been fighting with it for my entire life and today I’ve considered getting antidepressants...but for some reason I’m so, so scared because my whole life I’ve been taught that they’re for crazy people or it’ll change me completely and I’ll always be dependent on a pill to be happy and never be able to be happy on my own without it. I know it sounds really stupid...but I just need advice as to wether or not I should finally just get them. Will they really help me?? TIA

Someone is telling me they are going to kill their self and I don't know what to do.

On Facebook, This person began to message me. I do not know who they are in person. They began telling me about how they hate their life. I tried to be empathetic. Then, they began to inform me the date they are going to kill their self. I tried hard to inform this person how people will miss them and that they have a reason to live for their god children. They refused and still told me they are going to do it. What do I do next, I do not feel safe with this. I feel this person will do it and I don't know what to do. If I report the chat to Facebook, they will find out and not speak to me anymore. What do I do?

My problems are ruining my relationships. (I’ve also realized that I really don’t like myself.)

Like a month ago I’ve met a girl and we’ve been texting every day since then. She has a very good influence on me. My problems (stress, sadness, anxiety etc.) are getting easier to deal with thanks to her. But feeling better naturally comes with worrying about losing this “goodness”... a lot... I worry about losing her so much that it’s probably not having a very good impact on our relationship... Even though I feel better that doesn’t mean I’m totally fine. I still get these waves of [insert any of my problems here]. We very often argue when this happens. I’m extremly worried that this will end up ruining my relationship with her. She will not like me anymore if I keep having these waves... Yesterday we were talking and she brought up how I have very low self-esteem. She wanted to help so she recommended something that has helped her with her self-esteem issues. Go to a mirror and say “I love myself.” I was almost unable to do this... I mean- I said it but I didn’t belive it and it made me feel way worse because I didn’t think it was THIS BAD... Then I realized how much I don’t like myself... I’ve felt like shit because of that since yesterday. (It’s getting better today, thankfully.) She probably isn’t too happy about having to deal with me in these situations... I’m not sure what to do... I really don’t want to lose her because of this... I hope someone has some good advice for this...

Talk about depression in job interview?

Hey guys, I've been subject to a lot of depression episodes recently, which really sucks because I'm currently actively looking for a job. I started kind of taking care of my depression a few months ago, but I still experience really bad days (suicidal thoughts and such). The things is, before fully dedicating myself to finding a job, I decided to take a few months off. This means I would allow myself to put my job research on hold while *really* taking measures to work on my depression for the first time in my life. The problem I'm facing now during job interviews is the dreaded question "But what have you been doing for the past 5 months? I see no job experience, no nothing." with the nice tone of voice "Have you been doing fuck all? ♥" I was thus wondering, what would a good answer be to that sort of question? Cus I'm not sure giving the depression background during an interview would really help my case, and on another end, I've not been doing "fuck all", just not what they want to hear. ​ I'm really lost on this point, cus I really want to start working again. I feel like it would be the next step toward winning over this freaking depression. I don't want to lie during a job interview, because I feel it would give a bad start to a possible work partnership, but on another hand, should I? ​ Did you guys ever had to face that situation before? Any beginning of answer would really help! ​ Thanks a bunch guys, and take care, because you're all awesome!

falling again please help

hey so iv recently been falling back into old habits and seems like my anxiety and depression are really taking over again. Recently my cousin died he was 28 im 22 im really upset about this and im really scared its going to get me. Im 289 days clean from self harm and i really dont know how much longer i can last. The thoughts of self harm legit are there every single day and iv finally realized that nothing is going to stop these and its really scary. Im honestly just so scared and needed to post this im sorry

Teenager with no hope.

I'm a senior in high school right now, and as far as I can tell, I have a bleak future, and an even bleaker present. I'm too lazy to get grades better than C's, and my social life is worse than an 80 year old retiree with a dead spouse and estranged children. I feel as if my default state is depressed, with small bouts of happiness, then back into the trenches for me. I keep thinking I've found happiness in the love of someone else, only for it to be stomped out and kicked until I taste the blood. I can make people laugh and they seem as if they like me, but when the school day ends and everyone goes home, no one calls, no one texts, and I doubt anyone thinks of me. It's gotten so bad, I don't even like to listen to music anymore, something I used to look forward to a little while ago, now it just seems like unnecessary noise. Every time someone asks what college I'm going to and I reply with \[X\] Community College, I see the disappointment in their eyes. It seems as if everyone else has these nice lives, and the perfect SO. Don't get me wrong, I've had girlfriends, but they never lasted long and ultimately didn't mean much to either person. I know they say having an SO just causes more strife and pain, but I just want to see what a proper relationship is like and experience the life everyone else talks about. I know this story has been told before by countless people before me, and will be told by countless people after me. I just want to escape all of this. I'm not suicidal yet, but I fear what comes next. Wow, I sound like a pretentious asshole reading this back. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this, and what you did. Or at-least, something I could do to help myself. I will now check my phone every ten seconds hoping for a reply. What a life.

I just want to stop existing

I’m terrified of death and not knowing what comes after it, but I don’t see life as something precious or valuable. All I see is suffering and endless hopelessness. I am losing interest in everything and I can feel myself slipping away. It’s been like this for so long I don’t know what happiness feels like and I spend my days drifting in a mixture of self loathing and numbness. I’m so tired and find sleep to be my only escape. School on top of my struggling really exhausts me mentally and physically. I’m scared to die, but falling asleep for a really long time just sounds so nice. Even then though, I’d have to wake up and face the cruel reality that there really isn’t anything to be happy about. And it hurts because I can’t escape it. No matter how many nights I spend trying to cry the pain away it’s still there. I have no motivation to really change my life either though, I physically can’t force myself no matter how much I want to, to do anything productive. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, does anybody know what to do? I’m overflowed with these feelings and I can’t help but feel the only way to get some release besides sleep is to harm myself, even if I know it’s not going to help in the end. I’m just done and I can’t keep up with school or my relationships anymore. I need some advice on what to do :(

Why do I even bother?

I never get any replies on this subreddit, but here I am again prostrating myself to all who dare to read my post! I suffer from insomnia, migraines, chest pain, muscle pain, the list goes on and on. My body is a broken temple, and I am but nineteen years old, yet the doctors claim nothing is wrong with me. Not a day goes by when I don't consider suicide due to my physical maladies. My physical maladies are only the start! After all, according to my Psychiatrist, I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Autism. My father didn't want to raise me. I have a mother who berates me regularly and my step-father who is an anger-addict. I don't have any friends. I've had five jobs in the past 365 days, but none of them have worked out. Hell, I can't even figure out for gender identity or sexual orientation for crying out loud! I know someone is going to tell me to go see a therapist and a doctor, but all I can say is that I do. It doesn't matter. I'm broken. I expect to die of esophageal cancer, stomach cancer, or some other such terminal disease. Life has lost all its meaning. I would rather be dead that going through all this suffering. And nobody seems to ever read my posts, and if they do, they write insulting replies. I am worse than Hitler and Stalin combined. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm going to take some medication to gain me three or four hours of sleep. I know nobody will read this, so who cares? Pizza! Pineapple! Carl Jung! Dead babies! Quantum Mechanics!

depressed piece of shit

I am a young adult who lives in New York- I grew up with fully supporting parents and friends, but that means nothing when your mental health is not stable. The last year of my life I have been battling with severe depression and anxiety, and was just recently hospitalized for a week in a psychiatric ward. At this point, I feel so incurable- nothing has helped. I have seen my therapist for a year, seemed professional medical help, took the numerous amount of pills and have not felt the slightest bit better. Things have gotten worse than before. I have laundry piling up in the corner of my room and at this point I just pull out any clean clothes I can find in my dresser. Showers? HA- even a short 5 minute shower seems to take too much energy at this point. AND I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING THE SAME BULLSHIT LINES OF "It will get better," and "You have nothing to be depressed about," or "Everything will be fine because it always works out." To be honest, my depression has just spiraled out of control at this point. I can't look at myself in the mirror and hate everything about myself- internally, externally and mentally. I hate myself- and the people I am hurting. I could have a good day, but at the end of the day my suicidal thoughts still sit in the back of my head. Sometimes I sit and regret not just doing it- blade to my wrist and a family member walks in. I had the blade in my right hand, resting on my left forearm- and I regret not ending my life there when I had the motherfucken chance.

What do I tell my boyfriend when I'm in a depressive episode and he asks what's wrong?

Hey guys, so I need some advice. ​ I've been dating a guy for a few months & our relationship is going great. We both really care for one another and we're honestly like long-lost friends that have been reunited. Everything in our lives together gels perfectly & I'm excited to see where our future goes. However, there's one thing getting in the way. I suffer with major depressive episodes and anxiety. My moods tend to swing awfully and I tend to crash and get quite low quite a lot. My boyfriend tries to help the best he can, but he keeps asking what's wrong or he keeps wanting to talk about it. And I get that, he wants to know what's wrong and how he can help. But I don't have an answer for him besides that my mood has crashed. He wants to know what's on my mind and I don't know what to tell him. So, any advice on how I can help calm his worries and my own? ​ ​

I am too sensitive and don't know what to do about it

The other day one of my friends drunkenly said to me"you look like you're going through some stuff, but don't give up" and I almost started crying. This made me realize that every time someone genuinely asks me how I am, I become really sensitive to the point that I'm almost crying and turn away. I hate it, what the hell is wrong with me, and it feels impossible to actually talk about it, I indirectly told my parents and was able to get medication, but it's simply not good enough, I am going to the doctor in a few days and see if I can get anything stronger

About ready to ghost my mom?

My mother is a 20+ year TBI survivor due to domestic abuse. As such, her mental standing isn't nearly what it might have been. She has severe memory loss, and personality... inconsistencies. I've been trying to do as much as I can for her, but lately I'm feeling more and more drained. I bought her a cell phone because she's never home long enough to warrant a landline. I've also replaced it several times when it breaks because she doesn't know what a soft touch is. However, this is where I'm starting to lose hope. She enrolled in school, which I'm proud of her for. She turns her phone off per teacher requirements, but never remembers to turn it back on. She texts me most nights, and I can almost recite her texts verbatim. However, as soon as she sends her text, she turns it back off. My five year old even knows what grandma does is hurtful. My wife has told her that she's gonna call grandma, and my daughter asked, "Why? Her phone's off anyway." I can go a week, easily, without physically hearing her voice. I'm about ready to just delete her number from my phone and ignore her texts, maybe she'll eventually get the hint. I feel like it's a catch 22... if I keep her number it'll just be a reminder that she only wants to talk when it's convenient for her, but if I delete her and show that I'm upset it'll piss off the rest of my family. I don't know what to do any more. How do I handle someone who is making absolutely no attempt to meet me halfway? It's like she doesn't care about me or my family any more.

Should I even go to school?

On Monday I have to go again into school and I just don't want anymore I can't complete an normal day every time I am angry and sad about myself I don't want to do anything and going to an place with toxic people and utterly boring tasks to do combined with anxiety about almost everything seems it so utterly unbearable to make I just want to stay in my room even if its till the sommer where I get my school graduation I can't take it anymore!!!

Spiraled into depression what do I do :(

I'm still in high school and I've missed a ton of school days because of my depression. My family knows about this but there isn't much they can do to help. I'm trying meds they're not working and my family wont allow me to go to a therapist. I've also talked to my school counselor but she has not met with me in weeks so I can't talk to her!! I'm so stuck I'm so scared and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't take it I feel like no one understands me and I don't know how to bring myself back up on my feet again, I'm just so exhausted I feel like giving up.

I am a toxic person and I want to not be like this anymore.

I am a 27 year old man who has recently come to the conclusion that he is toxic. Here's why. I cannot tell if I do not care about anybody else's feelings other than my own, and I only do things to get something for myself. If I've fucked up in a relationship or I've hurt someone I loved, I apologise. Even if I am right, I apologise because my father taught me that is the way to do things in relationships with people. I am always the nice guy in the relationships/friendships and I've started to think that I'm just some beta-male that should've been discarded a long time ago. I have no confidence in my social abilities and I often feel lonely as a result, but then when I am with others I usually feel like a black sheep and/or get irritated with the company to the point where I don't want to be around them. I just got a promotion in my job and didn't even smile or think that it was a good thing. My boss even questioned me if I was happy or excited, to which I replied 'yes' straight-faced. I am confident in my abilities in my job and it is not boring or mundane, but I place no value on it because jobs are something we must do in order to survive. Nothing excites me anymore. I have lost passion for everything. And I just wallow about in self-pity, trying not to become distraught through rage or unhappiness. Until recently I was calling up my parents almost every day enraged or crying with despair. I am sick of dragging everyone down with me because of my emotional outrage. Thus, I have made the decision to cut off all contact with everyone I know, family included. My gut feeling is telling me to never speak to anyone ever again because I am so sick of trying. Trying to please everyone, trying to better myself, and trying to do anything. I never take to the internet in search for solutions, but if anyone knows how to change their attitude so that they may continue on the pursuit for happiness, then please, I beg of you, share your wisdom. I don't want to be this person.

I'm stuck here and nobody likes me (22 F)

(I am a 22 year old English teacher living in Asia for 7 months) While sitting in the lounge with a group of coworkers, one of them seemingly out of the blue said 'I don't like OP' to my face. I find that whenever I try to speak in group conversations I get talked over. Or I talk into the air with no one listening. I was going to lunch with two people who I consider to be friends, when they agreed they have no idea what I do outside of work and could only say a couple superficial things about me. We go out for drinks, food, etc on a regular basis. . . I live as an expat so your coworkers are everything- they act as your family and friends all in one. ​ I've been depressed pretty much right after I came here and haven't felt like myself. I used to be the funny, witty person that was complimented for my confidence. Here, I am quiet, awkward, and passive. It has become a spiral where I try to speak up to be more involved, but then no one responds, so I become more insecure and talk less. ​ I still have half a year left before my contract ends and I can leave, so any helpful advice about how I can improve my situation would be appreciated. ​

Burned out and trying to come back from it

First time posting here. Looking for incite on things. Backstory: I'm in a weird place in my life right now. I just turned 30, and there have been events in my life that I want to get over. I could itemize the events but it's more about my feelings about them that I want to move on from. I was a social work student but I dropped out because it was emotionally draining. And across a lot of different areas of my life I need to cope with things. I feel defeated and ashamed of myself. I feel like I dream too big and can't attain those dreams. I feel pain from society and how people treat me and each other. I'm sick and tired of the hate we all do to each other. We are all in pain for different reasons in life. I feel like it's pain for seeing how the world is and wishing that these conversations would start to get visibly better. I scroll Reddit because of how amazing/funny/beautiful things can be. I think I'm too weighed down from seeing so much pain. I got divorced a year ago and all of my friends and I lost touch. My ex was a good person most of the time but he did some pretty abusive stuff too. And so I'm dealing with grief of people no longer being in my life that I liked having around but that I had to say goodbye to in a way so that my life could try to get better. I want the grief to heal. I want my self worth to heal back. I'm tired emotionally and I know I'll get back on my feet. There's so many reasons to feel sad about anything or everything. But what do you do next once you know that? Knowing there's endless reasons for things to be bad or to be good. I feel drained like it's some sort of mental gravity not sure how to describe it but almost like I've been working myself too hard. Things will get better but I need to figure out how to heal myself inside.

My Friend Is Suffering...

Hello. My very good friend has severe major depression. He has been fighting it as long as I’ve known him, about 3 years. Recent he moved, leaving his therapist behind. He’s in a situation that’s worse than his previous, and he was obviously separated from his treatment team. His depression has gotten much worse since then. Every day he talks about wishing he could die, but feels so hopeless he won’t get help. In that state he doesn’t think it’ll help, or doesn’t feel he deserves it, regardless of how much I try to convince him otherwise. I’m worried for him. Does anyone know have any ideas on what I can do to help? When I ask him, he just says to let him go.

I feel like a failure, because I'm failing to get certain things done

I am really struggling with certain aspects of my life, I can't get motivated. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been receiving various forms of therapy for the past two years since my son was born. I believe that I have suffered with depression since way before my son was born but the signs weren't recognised until I was being seen by a health professional regularly. I am very lucky to have a roof over my head, a loving husband and a full time job. However, I cannot seem to escape the void of depression. Currently I'm in a the crippling pit, and I cannot motivate myself with certain things. I don't take my medication, I know I should but I have some sort of mental block that stops me taking it. My work is suffering because I've found a way to get by, doing the day to day tasks but not doing my daily reports. I would describe myself as high functioning depressed as I can get out of bed and get dressed, but the only reason I do this is my son. I live with my husband and in laws and I've just realised that I'm not happy anywhere. I'm not happy at work, I'm not happy at home. I get on well with my in laws but they drive me crazy by parenting my son. At work I feel out of my depth and like I'm just winging it, badly. I just want to escape, and the only way I can think of to escape is suicide but I can't bear the thought of not seeing my son grow up. He is my lifeline but what kind of mother is he growing up with? I cannot motivate myself to tidy up after myself, only my son. I can't motivate myself to take my meds, check in with my therapist, or complete my work properly. I am just existing enough to keep my son fed, bathed and clothed, but I am not looking after myself. Sorry if this post had no direction or real question, I just hope there is maybe someone who's been through something similar and is now on the other side who may have some advice.

I'm seriously considering suicide again.

I'm getting tired of posting here repeatedly, not because of the sub itself (actually, it helped me go through tough times) but because I have no one else to talk to except internet strangers. The post is long, bear with me. This might be my last post, and I \~\~want to\~\~ have to get some things out of my chest. I am very tired, and haven't been really feeling anything since yesterday, after I got back from Chicago, so it might be a bit messy, and just... not organized at all. But here goes: I'm so lonely. I want people to like me. But all I am is a waste. A waste of time, resources, and opportunities. By no means am I the unluckiest person around. I have an above average IQ (152 WISC, 149 WAIS), I have certain traits that I'd like to be proud of, such as being orderly and responsible, speaking 3 languages fluently (EN, ES, KR) and 2 languages in the beginner level (FR and ZH) and know a couple of more alphabets like Cyrillic, Greek and Yiddish, and I absolutely love to learn, read, and to experience. but somehow, even with all that, I managed to be the biggest fucking trainwreck I could possibly imagine. My father locked me in dark rooms for hours when I was 3 to 5. I was diagnosed w/ T1D when I was 5. I was always a bit weak, underweight. I started having behavioral problems since 10, including but not limited to: violent tendencies, compulsive lying, stealing (I don't know if it's kleptomania, I hope it's not. But even if it is, won't make another difference. Just another problem on my list), etc. I was diagnosed with Night Terrors and Bipolar Depression when I was 12, 13 maybe. I have suffered from achluophobia and a mild claustrophobia, as well as some social issues. I won't label my social issues, as I haven't got a clinical diagnosis like anyhting else on this list, but I think it fits more into the anti-social category than asocial or social anxiety, because of my negative and possibly misanthropist views. I have 2 past suicide attempts, once by asphyxiation, and the other by insulin overdose. Now, I'm just wasting away, induging myself and slowly poisoning myself. My only friends (3 or 4), whom I've always valued highly, are distancing away from me slowly, after nearly 6 years of friendship (to be honest, I don't blame them, because I'm fucking weird to hang around. But it does hurt quite a bit). I have a cousin 3 months younger than me, who has a much better and more successful life than me. His father (my mom's younger brother by 1 year) is the current president (33rd) of the Korean-American Association of Chicago and a Northfield Township trustee. My cousin has a better social life, better health (he is "ripped" as one would describe, and taller than me, while I am barely keeping my muscle mass together. I'm 56kg, 170cm), has better looks than me, is a better student (no problems in school) and is just all-around a better person than me. People follow him around, and as much as it hurts my pride to admit this, I am envious that girls just follow him around. My family isn't very supportive neither. My aunt and uncle cares for me (I hope) but treats me as if I were some lazy-ass scum, because their son is objectively better than me, even though I am doing my fucking best, trying not to die from a DKA every day. I lost 5-6 pounds in 2 weeks, all muscle mass, because I don't have much body fat. I excercise semi-regularly (45 mins a day, 3-4 hours a wekk, maybe), I study, I do what everyone else does, and I even put more time into it (all possible because I assist school once a month now, all assignemnts are submitted through a school intranet). My grandparents (the ones alive) clearly cares more for my cousins than me, and they don't necessarily hide that. My dad compares me to his former self, and acts like I don't put enough (or any) effort and treats me like a literal pet. People actively avoid me, because my personality is just straight up fucked, and I act so weird, almost pathetic around others, that I'd rather stay at home than humiliate myself in front of others. My biggest problem and fear is that I'll slowly become my father, because he is the most despicable human being I can think of. He is just such a hypocrite, miserable, self-justifying, rationalizing, condescending piece of shit; but I am so similar to him, whether it be personality, tastes, interests, points of view, etc. Another big fear of mine is that no one will validate my efforts, despite it being my best. But it's already becoming true. I'm just tired of nobody loving me. I had this one girl that I liked since 5 years ago. We were friends; or so I thought, I've discovered a few months back that she's not just not interested in me, but she absolutely despises me. I trusted her with some deepest feelings that I haven't shared with anyone, and I have a feeling she's making fun of me for it with her friends, as I can feel them being very condescending towards me, and making fun of me or just ignoring me. I just think that this is unfair. I don't know how to approach people (hell, I've never gotten a kiss in my life, when 90% of the people my age I know already have boyfriends/girlfriends. Although, I want a more serious, emotional kind of relationship, even though I'll never even get into one), I don't know how to get better and meet everyone's expectations (including mine), and I don't know what to do in general. I've felt even more pathetic during my 2 weeks in Chicago, and I don't know anymore if I want to go to the US for college after I graduate this year (if I make it out, I'm going for a neurology-psychiatry double major, and a linguistics minor or certificate). I have not decided how I want to go yet. I have enough rapid-action Insulin to kill myself in 3-4 hours, a knife (to sever either my jugulars, my carotid artery, femoral artery, or my ulnar artery; I know how much it hurts, I was into self-harm for a year or two, so don't give me that "it's painful, suicide is not painless" argument), there's a beach about an hour and a half away on foot, where I could drown after getting tied up. At this point, I'm just tired. And if I'm tired already, I don't know how will I carry on for the next 30-ish years of my short life (shorter than most, anyway). I just want to be loved. I want to be able to have someone genuinely love me. Not in the physical way, but I just want to know that I have someone to be there for me, to be willing to share my burdens, as I'm willing to share hers. But I guess that's a luxury I'll never be able to experience. Help me. I just want a normal life.

How can I (32F) stop feeling like such a burden to my husband (36M)?

I am going through a very difficult time after two miscarriages in the past couple of months and a recurrence of depression and anxiety symptoms. He works about an hour away, while I work from home, although I have very little work, so most of my days are just spent doing...well, nothing. I'm sometimes so depressed I can't keep up with basic chores, which I feel I should be doing since I'm home all day. My husband hasn't confronted me about it directly but I think it annoys him. ​ Some days I feel okay. Other days I am irrational, fearful and tearful. I have a huge fear that he will leave me, which I have expressed to him--and which he always denies, but I know it must get annoying that I keep bringing it up, though I can't seem to help myself. I can't imagine how annoying and difficult it must be for him to come home from work and not know if he's coming home to see me on an "okay day" or a really bad day. ​ Our communication isn't bad, but I've recently felt myself pulling away and trying to rely on my own inner strength, but sometimes that backfires and I do a 180 and turn into an absolute mess with him. ​ I feel like he deserves so much better than having basically a half-wife who is so unsteady. Does anyone have any tips/mantras/etc. for making me feel just...better about how much of a burden I am placing on him? I am talking to a therapist once a week and on medication, but I am still really struggling with these feelings of feeling unworthy and pathetic.

I cant get help

How? How do you guys reach out. It's like, yea i want help with my problems, but I just cant reach out. I walk by my school's councillor every day, and I just think, "I'll talk to him about my shit tommorow," even though I *know* im lying to myself. I cant fucking tell anyone, my subconcious just says no. Even when I want to, I just freeze up and try to cover myself. Like, I know reaching out is what I should be doing, I just mentally cant. Ive dreamt about one of my friends finding my reddit account and seeing my post, and reaching out so I dont have to, but I also fear it. What do i do?

Gotten to a really weird place where I don't even want tv on in the background

After a decade of depression, I've finally gotten to a strange place. I can't distract myself with media anymore. I just sit in a room. I've spent the better part of my life on a computer or my phone, but that isn't helping anymore. I've lost interest in my shows, sites, creative outlets, it's just all gone. I don't look forward to anything even a little and that's beyond anything I've dealt with before. I always had media to keep me occupied. I don't even want junk food, and that's a very out of character thing I just don't know what to do with my time. Everything is too much. I shower once a week at most, I interact with people once a fortnight, I haven't cooked in months, I feel like I'm moving house every time I need to go outside because it's such a big undertaking, I don't have a job and looking for work is an impossible task Therapists have told me they don't know what to do with me. I can't afford one now anyway. I was on medication for years and it didn't help. I've been off meds for a year now and feel mentally much better without them. I'm just really not sure what to do with myself

What is "you" time?

Hey everyone. So I've been depressed for a large portion of my life. Almost 20 years now..wow. That's really hard to actually type that. But it is what it is... I am working towards getting better. I have no health insurance so doctors, meds, and therapy are not options to me right now. But I am trying to develop habits that I consider helpful. Researching as much as I can and including that advice into my own treatment. ​ Of course, when I can afford it, I do plan on getting therapy and the works. But this is the best I can do at the moment. ​ One thing I see a lot is to make time for "you". Make time for "yourself". I have been struggling for months to figure out what this really means. Is it being productive? Or is it just being relaxed and leisurely? Is it a moment of quiet? Is it doing some sort of hobby? I wanted to see if anyone had ideas of what it would mean. ​ I have a feeling that it can mean any of those things, but what is the ultimate goal? How should you feel after making "you" time?

What happens when you text a suicide Hotline?

Suicidal thoughts are a thing I deal with all the time, especially when I end up feeling low because I have no motivation for anything. My therapists recommend using a Hotline or whatever when it gets really really bad, but I just don't see the point? I'm not going to kill myself, it's too much effort. And it's just thoughts, so it feels kind of silly to text a crises line. So I'm curious what actually happens when you use one?

GF and Depression

I’m going through some rough stuff with my depression right now and my life is pretty tough. I live away from home in uni and I don’t have any real friends. My girlfriend is one of the only real friends I have here. She says she’s here for me and to support me, but I see she often gets annoyed of me and says and does things that are totally the opposite. I love you and don’t want to loose her, but it’s hard being the normal, happy guy she wants. I need some advice.

Best mood tracking apps

I’ve been struggling with depression for most of my life and recently it’s been getting really bad. Since my mood is all over the place, I think having something to help me track it will help me better monitor my mood and give me more to report to my shrink. Does anyone have any mod tracking apps they would recommend? Something that’s relatively easy to use and can help me find a possible pattern (similar to a period tracking app for example). Thanks.

I completely lost myself.

Hello everybody. I am 17 years old. When i was 15 i knew exactly what to do in life, i had a passion, an ambition and goal. I worked towards it. But then suddenly when i hit 16, a complete shredding of my character happend. I lost interest in the things i loved to do, no goals in life, nothing!!!. I am ZERO. I have no desire also!. How can this happen? I have a really important examination coming up that can open a new door for the course of my life but right now my mind and heart is blank, no desire, no drive.. what the hell am i gonna do ? I really miss my old self, the one who is hardworking and determined. I really need that guy back. I am so lost. I turned self-destructive. I smoke alot, i drink.. the most heart-wrenching thing is to see my mother so dissapointed with me. ​ This is not me, I need my old self back.

Exercise depression

I don't know if this is the right place to post this but here goes, Everytime I try to start a new workout or diet I start getting really depressed and thinking back to Basic Military training and feeling like total shit. was kicked out of the airforce after an injury while running (my talus was removed) and failure to stay in shape Right now I'm going to college and taking a required Fit to be well class that requires Diet and Exercise logs to be submitted to the instructor, I've been faking it as much as I can but she will probably notice as I have her for a lecture and lab in anatomy and physiology if I don't get any better physically. I'm just worried that other doors are going to get closed if I can't get past this any advice for dealing with the depression caused by the past trauma? please help. Reading the book is even worse it talks about spirituality which being atheist I have none of and emotions are all out of whack. Anyways for anyone that took the time to read Thank you. I wish you the best... also terrible anxiety with councelors in person I just say whatever I need to to get out as fast as I can

That drowning feeling again...

I’ve battled depression for sometime,mostly undiagnosed.My background and culture means that these things aren’t talked bout and usually get the old ‘just don’t be’.Im feeling really down almost like I’m drowning and I feel myself sinking inevitably into a hole(what I call my depression)I can’t talk to people mostly because of the lack of people who will listen but also I don’t know how.I feel selfish like I’m a burden.I work and do things a normal functioning person does even though I don’t feel that way.I just need some support or advice to get me through it ,I don’t know what else to do.I want to cry but I can’t ,not infront of people or where people can hear me ,I feel ashamed to be depressed ,almost feel like what right do I have and I know that’s just mostly from stereotypes and stuff.I just want some support or advice ,I’ll take any.Thank you x

Yesterday Was Rough

To catch you up: I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and para-suicidal thoughts for over 30 years, since before I was 10. My wife and I are currently separated as we both deal with our individual issues with depression, anxiety, etc, as well as seek couples counseling. We have been married 8 years, together 10, and have a 2 1/2 year old son. ​ Last Friday, I was given an ultimatum at work. I am the director of advertising & marketing for one of the largest independent automotive groups in the Southeast United States. I was told, in so many words, that I had a week to 'prove my worth' or lose my job. Never mind that I have reduced our spending by 45% since I started, and brought in triple my salary in additional new business due to digital marketing efforts I implemented in the organization, all the while maintaining the original sales output of our business. I was given exactly zero direction as to how to 'prove my worth'. Needless to say, the last week has only served to heighten my stress and anxiety. ​ I've never been a very 'physically affectionate' person. I get that from my mom, a survivor of sexual abuse when she was a child. But yesterday, I really needed a hug from my wife. I just wanted to hold her in my arms, breathe in her scent, and feel like everything was going to be 'alright'. ​ I realize, cognitively, that this process is a 'good' thing for our lives. We are on the road to personal healing and healing as a couple. But that doesn't make this season any easier, and a hug from my little boy doesn't do for me what one from my wife would.

Being judged

When you find out that a guy is a virgin/inexperienced in dating do you think less of him? Like he is less of a man or somehow immature/childish. I often feel like when it comes up in conversation girls seem to take me less serious after for whatever reason. It is almost always met with shock, them thinking in silence for a minute, then asking why. Like they are expecting a one word response like "religion", which isn't the case. I'm just trying to figure out what's going through people's heads when I say this. It usually just kills the conversation or brings it to a topic I don't really want to discuss. It even catches some guys off guard a lot of times and they seem to usually behave around me differently so it's not even just girls acting this way. Also I only bring this up when asked, I don't go around broacasting this. Am I just going about telling people the wrong way or is it a major red flag that I have to live with?

I need help.....I'm drowning in my loneliness

In January I broke up with my girlfriend so that she wouldn't sacrifice her dreams/goals for me....1 week later I panicked and messaged someone from my past....Things were going great, but now....she has a plan to leave and live somewhere else. I've done everything I can to convince her to stay(without being toxic) and she has made her choice. She doesn't see a future with me at all and prefers to stay friends.....I'm on the edge because I don't have anyone I can run to, to help me cope with my already growing sadness/isolation......I'm going to a movie with some friends tonight.....but it won't be enough....There is more to this issue...but right now, my focus is on making friends on here with meaningful connections...Please help me... We had dinner and things didn't end bad, but they aren't good right now. I don't know what to do...and I NEED friends who actually care about me....help

I feel alone , and a burden to everyone.

I have had depression since I was 15 , started treatment at 18. Now I'm 21 and I know my mom's tired . She doesn't know what to do anymore and neither do I. I feel like I'm a burden. That I'm taking space of someone else. I feel like I should just fucking die and leave everyone alone. I want to talk to my ex because I want to feel the way he loved me again. But I know he hates me too, or doesn't even think about me anyway. I want someone to just hug me and let me cry in their arms. But I know I fucked things up and nobody can't stand me now. I don't fit in. I have no friends , no one I can't talk about this .