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>i go almost daily to buy kebab from the same place (close both to my>There is this underpaid and = overworked arab guy that makes the>He always packs my kebab with more meat than usual>He also knows how i like it, big and spicy with all the sauces and a diet pepsi>He gets verry happy when he sees me and he calls me ,Doss,, and ,,brother,,>Today i was sad af but the ,,hello boss, the usual?\" Made me feel better>Kebab heals people <|endoftext|>
>be me >sad depressed >suicidal thoughts >dad notices >thinks it\u2019s because of my siblings >takes me to the planetarium every other >falls asleep every time because he\u2019s working 12h a day >he always takes me >still alive >thanks dad\n<|endoftext|>
>19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans >sucks dick for money >wanna get my first blowjob >we smoke weed and talk for a bit\n>I start to pull out the money and she stops me\n>\"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your dick feels wrong.\"<|endoftext|>
>be me >dispatch manager for a small company>bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept>start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general shit from>kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to>boss takes one look at me and says \"looks like you've got a case of updog\">one of the kids replies \"what's up dog?\">MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office<|endoftext|>
>be me\n>24yo femanon\n>snort heroin >wake up in hospital\n>meet male nurse\n>he's super cute\n>possiblebf.jpeg\n>suck him off in the bathroom >ask him on a date >\"no offence anon but I'm not going to date a junkie who sucks off men in bathrooms\">mfw <|endoftext|>
>be me >insecure about penis\n>compared to porn its like 1/10th of the hammers they sling>fast forward >watch Jackass Movie\n>see Steve-O's Penis\n>literally like mine\n>suddenly feel secure about my penis\n>all because I saw Steve-O's penis Yeah dude<|endoftext|>
>Be me >Uni student depressed\n>Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain\n>Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like fucking 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the fuck knows how to fill out a postcard in current>Fill it out >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking>Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them>Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time<|endoftext|>
>be me >be11 > in car with family heading home from county fair> dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad> for whatever fucking reason I hear \"get rid of this\"> roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the<|endoftext|>
>be 20 >heard you can fuck watermelons\n>buys personal watermeion >cuts a round hole >starts fucking watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave\n>come summer time melons grew in the backyard\n>family eats them >\"you don't want any melon anon?\u201d\n>no <|endoftext|>
>be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god<|endoftext|>
>At work >Known at work as the guy who collects lighters>Coworker gives me a lighter he found>\"Aw nice, thanks bro.\" >Opinion of that person went up in >Think about it later that day >Realize I'm a \u2018collect x amount of y\" npc\n>mfw\n<|endoftext|>
>psychiatrist asks what I enjoy >tell him I like doing \"image edits\" >I tell him I do and that they're used by other >he gets really interested and asks to see >show him over 100 original pepe edits >he says he's seen the character before >next session >him and 2 other psychiatrists are in the room, says >they ask more about my memes >show them my greentexts which were reposted by >show them my original memes that have \"know >they're recording me and taking notes the whole >get uncomfortable and don't book a follow-up >doctor has offered to cover all further sessions <|endoftext|>
>be me >in school in 2nd grade, brother in 4th and sister in Kindergarten>getting out of school and looking for mom, see dad standing at the curb instead>fucking tits, dad is always at work, this is a Wednesday\n>asks my brother where he wants to go, Shawn says ICE CREAM MOTHER FUCKER>we get ice cream\n>asks me where I want to go\n>I saw the park\n>go to the park for a couple hours\n>asks my sister where she wants to go. We coached her at the park and she says \"PIZZA\" at our local place>get pizza, all of us freaking out, it's past 8 by this time\n>after dinner takes us to get ice cream AGAIN\n>we get home, he puts us right to bed, tucks us in and when we asked where mommy is he said \"She's not here kiddo, go>wake up next day at 10, we all freaking panic, missed school\n>dad sits us down, tells us the bad news. Mom won't be coming home. Mom is dead. In my teens find out suicide.>world is ruined <|endoftext|>
>Walking around town late at night >Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money>\"Sorry man, I don't have any money.\u201d >\"I have a knife.\u201d >\"Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife\u201d >Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night\n<|endoftext|>
>be me\n>traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race>see earth\n>fire up the death ray\n>get hit by a fucking tesla roadster traveling at fucking mach speed playing david>completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew>mfw\n<|endoftext|>
>older sister calls me\n>older sister constantly cries about being fucked and dumped by chads on dating>younger sister calls me\n>younger sister constantly vents to me >mom calls me >mom constantly cries to me about my dad\n>when I tell them \u201cyou are being annoying\u2019 they start crying harder and blaming me for being a horrible person>suddenly I am the bad guy >dad calls me\n>dad is the only one that asks me how I am doing\n<|endoftext|>
>Be me\n>Be with girlfriend\n>Girlfriend cheats on me\n>I break up\n>She goes with the guy who\n>A few weeks passes\n>I stalk the guy a little\n>Realize he's a drug dealer\n>Realize he's not very smart\n>Make a folder with all the proofs\n>Send the folder to the police by mail\n>Local narcotic team thank me\n>They do their job\n>Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now <|endoftext|>
>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week>She moved out while I was at work>Her desk is completely empty\n>I sit down and browse the internet for a bit\n>Looking at random funny videos\n>Hours pass\n>Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at\n>\"Hey you have to see th-\"\n>Turn to see an empty desk beside mine <|endoftext|>
>download video game for free\n>default search engine changes\n<|endoftext|>
>Get chased by group of men in suits>I run\n>Really hard to outrun them but I >I get tired and they keep inching >Oh_fuck.wmv >Get idea >I shave my head >Instant speed boost because of aerodynamics\n>Distance gets greater >They start screaming >\"You can't keep running away, some day we tax collectors catch you!\"<|endoftext|>
>be me\n>have a giant crush on this girl <> I've known for 4 years but she's>host a party but he was busy and\n>she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over>found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him>refused\n>she gave me a sad look and feel asleep <|endoftext|>
>Be me in army\n>mandatory in my shitty country\n>first time we noob soldiers fire our guns>drill instructor yells \"are you ready?\"\n>i yell back \"ai ai captain\"\n>random guy two rows away yells \"i cant hear you\"\n>drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him>i yell again \"OOOOO0000\"\n>random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away)>dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor>we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving>i am attending the \"i cant hear you\" guy wedding next week<|endoftext|>
>be american\n>get sick\n>go backrupt <|endoftext|>
>teacher caught him searching gun ammunition in school and contacted>mom later sent him a text with \u201clol\u201d and told him not to get caught next time>few days later teacher catches him drawing pictures of a gun and bullet with \u201cmy life is shit\u201d and \u201ckill>contacted his parents again\n>they downplayed it and wanted him to go back to class>later on that day his dad sent him a text \u201cplease don't do it\u201d after discovering his gun was missing<|endoftext|>
>be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job>heavily depressed >realise I don't have any money for >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money>dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday>start working on Monday through to Friday\n>probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad>he gives me the money and starts talking >\"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can<|endoftext|>
>wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the<|endoftext|>
>be me\n> mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor> 7th century idk\n> walk past the farms on my way to the castle> male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back\n> *notices buldge* 6>0 what's this?\n> \"please cure my husband, he's become ill\"\n>no clue wtf he has\n> sure.carvedstone\n> poke with doctors stick\n> buldge bursts\n> whitish cream bursts everywhere\n> looks like spider blood\n> smells like spider blood\n> tastes like spider blood\n> declare farmer possessed by spider\n> burned alive at the stake\n> king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading> feelsgoodman\n<|endoftext|>
>start mission >drive from point A to point B >kill X amount of NPC's on point B\n>drive from point B to point C fe] >mission complete>most profitable video game in history <|endoftext|>
>Be playing vidya\n>Enter co op game\n>Black guy has joined\n>He's new to the game\n>Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room.>He doesn't know how to heal. >I heal him for him\n>\"Thank you!\"\n>\"That's so nice\"\n>Later in the game I get downed\n>\"I'm coming my nigga\"\n>Comes to my rescue\n>\"I got you bro\"\n>Finish the mission\n>\"Yo G you're ma real nigga. Respect\" Mfw feels good man<|endoftext|>
>6'8 German guy works out at my LA >Looks like techno viking >Hit max effort leg day this morning >Comes up to me and says \"JA LOOKING BIG TODAY MY FRIEND\" and gives me a thumbs up<|endoftext|>
>legal >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons <|endoftext|>
>be me 16\n>have a gf of two years\n>always have been self conscious of her cheating>she doesn't suspect a thing\n>eventually convince to trade nudes\n>she loves it and sends pics of her ass/tits\n>she tells me about how she would go behind her boyfriends back and fuck me>still going on\n>i don't know if i should tell her or keep going>tfw my gf is cheating on me with me\n<|endoftext|>
>be United States >have mass shootings back to back>not the only country whose citizens have guns>am the only country without > also the cost of living is through >rapid inflation >stagnant wages >out of touch boomers kept in congress >watch people blame the guns again >roll out some bullshit policies that will never pass congress to make people happy>everyone argues over 2nd amendment and blames the conservatives>they'll riot across the country for one man dying but not for basic living standards>won't riot over dead children either >nobody argues about healthcare, cost of living, or congress term limits>another successful day completely avoiding the real issues<|endoftext|>
>be me >sit in class >remember one time in kindergarten when a girl took a>find that memory really fucking >burst out laughing >teacher gets pissed >asks what so funny >silence. Jpg >say that I thought about a mole >teacher looks at me like I'm retarded >mfw when I actually begin thinking about moles now>remember moles are blind and probably bump into each other all the time>begin laughing again >get detention\n<|endoftext|>
>Be about 6 yrs ago >Meet a gril on FB >Few months into it >Baby momma tells her its all on me>I say alright take the child and move back in with family\n>Raise the child for 4 years on my own with no help from her mother>My family helps out here and there >Finally save up enough to get a place for us and pay rent a year in advance>We move into a one bedroom >She gets the bedroom I sleep on the pullout >She is 5 now her bday\n>Ive worked and christm>pic related its last xm:\n<|endoftext|>
>overweight beta loser >decide to fuck it all and get my life in control>get new clothes >go to the gym >sweat dripping off me >can't feel my legs >a couple of chads walk by >hear one of them say to the other\n>\"What a fat loser\" >He's technically right >I am losing a lot of fat <|endoftext|>
>have ex-bf >was really the nicest guy I've ever met, and took me this long to>look him up for the first time in eight years >he's now with a girl, and traveling to all the places he and I talked about traveling>she's 12 years younger than him >break up with a guy >he moves on and finds someone else\n>\"why do men do this?\" <|endoftext|>
>download rom >cmd opens up >several lines of code are inputted at FTL speeds\n>several error messages appear >screen flickers >pc locks up and ransomware screen appears\n>screen flickers and everything goes back to normal\n>custom error message appears >\"just kidding :)\" >game launches and runs normally\n<|endoftext|>
>Be me >Few weeks ago >Go to Apple store to get battery replaced >Spend an hour and thirty minutes walking around, come back>They tell me the phone is missing some parts, so the battery is unreplaceable>Next day >Go to shitty PcFix, feces everywhere, legit the most dingiest fucking place alive>ask to get battery replaced > He goes in the back for fifteen to thirty minutes\n>Comes back, battery health is replaced and 100% capacity.>Ask if any parts were missing, they weren't. >Pay the 60$ and walk out <|endoftext|>
>be me >Watching Netflix health documentary\n>\"haha fat people\" >They're filming fatties in the street\n>\"hey, I have that shirt\" >\"hey, I have those cargo shorts\"\n>\"hey, I know that building\" >mfw 1 Reply I View Thread<|endoftext|>
> study a foreign language in secret> study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the> hide all of your resources for the target language> talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life> become a master of this language\n> one day, go to public place like grocery store\n> pretend to slip / fall / feint\n> when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english<|endoftext|>
>be me >Police court >Need to go to a hearing, look at a fine of \u20ac500\n>Get lawyer >Brings fine down to \u20ac200 >Billed \u20ac600 by lawyer <|endoftext|>
>be me, 7yo\n>math class\n>\"alright class, can you solve 25-20 on>raise hand >\"it's -5 I\" >teacher looks at me awkwardly\n>\"w-well yes but you are not supposed to know that\"\n>wat\n>\"see class, you can't substract a number if the first number in the operation is greater than the second>WAT\n>\"but teach whenever I watch the weather report, when it's cold we see negative numbers !\" (i'm in>\"yes but you're supposed to learn that later\"\n>\"but I know it now\"\n>\"it's just for this lesson, don't worry, just write it down\">\"why would I write something false ?\"\n>start throwing a tantrum because even tho i'm right, i'm also fucking seven>get a note in my notebook for bad behavior\n>parents confiscate my pokemon cards\n>can't make a stance for myself because I can't argue without crying>alright class, can you solve 25-20 ?\n>it's -5 ! <|endoftext|>
>be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel>one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit>he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before>he offers to get me some\n>throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock>several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life>do research, learn about water parameters and soon>eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths>notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade>the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up>a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp>I suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ>by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos>I spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products>quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending\n>start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp>grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out>relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying>I see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp>for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake>it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs\n>cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me>college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp>shit they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool\n>they start inviting me to their social events\n>start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart>I think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew<|endoftext|>
>be me >Tuesday at school >it\u2019s 5th period and I\u2019m bored as >turn to my friend and say \u201cdon\u2019t >next day I get called into the >start talking about how they think I\u2019m dangerous >mfw May 2nd is a fucking sunday <|endoftext|>
>be me FEE Ge >4th grade eee? \u00a7=>New Class so we're all introducing>hear my classmates think of stuff like \u201cStrong >can\u2019t think of anything >imfreakingout.png >it\u2019s my turn now >now or never >\"uh..r-r-retarded richard\u201d >whole class laughs >teachers gets mad and sends me to the principal >suspended for a week for ableist language >mfw when i return and the whole class likes me <|endoftext|>
>Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it - a gets you extremely stoned and>Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram>Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients>Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes>boomers eat it up without question\n>Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice>Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded.<|endoftext|>
>Call someone a faggot\n>At worst they call you a faggot back>That's that Reddit>Call someone a faggot\n>\"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my>You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our dicks to come back<|endoftext|>
>love having pressure on top of me\n>buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay>do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids<|endoftext|>
>be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual>despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire>so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge>one coworker: \"escorts don't count, silly.\u201d everyone snickers>me (taking slight offense): \"your cousins don't count either, cheryl\">for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble <|endoftext|>
>Me at college\n>Be at library. Looking for some >See a girl sitting at a random table >She's fucking adorable. Dark hair, mesmerizing green eyes>not the most confided guy but think Fuck it. I'll try\n>walk up to her and say a cheesy pick up line\n>doesn't respond >\"Excuse me?\" >She notices me and looks up at me >does something in sign language >Turns out she's deaf >excuse myself and turn around defeated. Way to embarrased to keep the conversation going>stop myself half way out the library >gather up all my courage and walk back >sit down next to her and write \"You're cute. Want to go out?\" On a sticky note>she reads it and looks at me >I smile like a dumbass while she looks me over\n>she eventually nods and scribbles her number on the note>her name is Alice >we go out that Friday >we have a great time >fast forward to a few months later >we're officially dating >learn sign language for her >getting pretty good at it >the first thing I learned to sign was \"I love you\"\n>Fast forward again to yesterday >Today is the day >Me, Her mom, brother and me are sitting in the doctor's office>they gradually turn up her implant >she starts crying because she hears her mom for the first time>I remain silent >her mom and brother and talking to her, crying all the while>eventually she looks at me >I move closer to he >tell her something I wanted to say from the day I met her in the library>\"I love you. Please marry me\" <|endoftext|>
>brush teeth twice a day (from brushing once a month)>cold shower daily (used to shower once a month if that)>day 5 of nofap >eating well >job interview in an hour 30 <|endoftext|>
>dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram\n>6 months later says \"I think I'm gonna buy a new truck\">whatthefuck.jpeg\n>\"why you just got a new one\" >\"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever\"\n>says I don't understand vehicles\n>tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't understand why<|endoftext|>
>be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and shit and I'm sitting around>Looks at me >\"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us\u201d\n>Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and fuck around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for shits n>Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me \"hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in.>Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.\n<|endoftext|>
>asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one\n>carry it around like a slave\n>mom is happy\n>feelsgoodman\n>i lift it into the house\n>my dad says hes not feeling well\n>COLLAPSES\n>WTF\n>mom panics\n>dad just laying there knocked out\n>we put him in a safe position quickly\n>my heart is racing\n>i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch\n>mom calls 911\n>im panicking too\n>figure that the hospital is not so far away\n>LIFT him back up and carry him into car\n>mom is screaming at me but i cant hear shit\n>race to hospital\n>LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER\n>scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts<|endoftext|>
>almost completely unregulated < 4 >incompatible with traffic jams & >no note>no insurance needed >no license needed you ate for breakfast this morning>probably one of the most fuel-efficient vehicles in existence, come to think of it>goes as far and as fast as you can\n>no need for parking lots, just leave it anywhere there is a secure structure you can attach it to>and even if someone does steal it, it's so inexpensive you could literally just buy another no problem>physically improves you while you use it\n>plain ol' fun\n>minimal environmental impact\n>collisions are significantly less likely to kill or even injure\n>if entire cities were designed around these the way they are with cars, everyone would be fine with it>doesn't even need seatbelts why is the automobile viewed as the ultimate symbol of<|endoftext|>
>Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade\n>Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme <|endoftext|>
>first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench\n>next to me are some zoomers and wiggers>they snicker and say to themselves computer 24/7\">About to cry >make up some bullshit like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave>Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's motherfucking Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >o-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected>Mfw this chad says \"see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadilifts\"<|endoftext|>
>be me Oo >22 and poor in college>deliver food for a restaurant for a few months>sometimes people order takeout but don\u2019t >if it happens late enough in my shift I get to take it home with me>always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close>always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife\n>been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed<|endoftext|>
> be me\n> family starving\n> decide to commit crime e > batman shows up> breaks my leg, both arms and spine > hospital bill I can't pay > mfw I have to commit crime to pay hospital bill now\n<|endoftext|>
>Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish>If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish<|endoftext|>
>Sit between best mate and his gif in Algabre\n>She's 9/10 easily >all three good friends >hlid-test get up to go to the restroom >As I am leaving I wink at ait >Said she had to go to the restroom aswell \u201cTake her by the hand>Lead her to Men's room >Go into back stall >\u2018what did you get for number 6? <|endoftext|>
>have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week\n>anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal >mfw its anxiety <|endoftext|>
>be in public bathroom\n>it's empty\n>I can finally take a dump\n>go to one of the stalls and ( 7 start cranking a fat shit out of>turd is 90% out of my asshole >I hear punching and grunting\n>I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet\n>they are beating the shit out of each other\n>suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground>bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing>feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland>fuck no fuck no fuck no\n>turd plops into water\n>echos\n>heavy breathing stops <|endoftext|>
>Have a whole week to do an assignment>Wait until the last 4 hours\n>have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't>do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment\n>wait until the last 2 hours\n<|endoftext|>
>A boy and a girl\n> my son is 12 year old 13 in December\n>I think he might be gay\n>Beg me to take him and his best friend to >Said screw it I bought tickets\n>Go to the event dumb boring concert but screw it deal with it cuz my kid and his friend are having fun.>Concert is over my kid & his friend go to the back with there VIP passes to meet the Instagram guys>Let them go by them self cuz why not\n>I'm waiting in the lobby for them\n>My kid come out crying his eyes out >My kid told me he was just so happy to finally meet him and got a chance to talk to him>On the way home both my kid & his friend are talkin & laughing in the backseat on the way home>never seen my son so happy before > I love you son no matter what gay or straight > I just want you to be happy\n<|endoftext|>
>be me\n>talented guitarist and pianist / >won numerous talent shows>also a big fan of the youtube channel Vsauce>one day get into an accident >I have to type with my nose\n>can no longer play instruments\n>my life passions are gone\n>feeling really depressed\n>see a new Vsauce video in my subscriptions box\n>\"Is Anything Real?\" uploaded June 3rd 2013\n>so excited to watch a new Vsauce video\n>video starts\n>\"Hey, Vsauce! Michael here! Where are your fingers?\">immediately start crying <|endoftext|>
>walking home one night rr. >Mugger comes out of nowhere>\"Give me your wallet!\u201d >Unload my FN Five-seveN on him >Realize that I used 20 rounds of 5.7*28mm ammo <|endoftext|>
>\u00bb be me > while geen text > riffs <|endoftext|>
>Girlfriend stop hanging out with me early because she wants to go home to take a 7 >Confront her about it one day, telling her>She says she's too embarrassed about the possibility of stinking up my apartment.>Tell her just flush the minute poops hits the bowl, and there will be pretty much no smell. That the only reason>This is a huge revelation to her. She tries it out, and is amazed. Apparently I am the poop savior now.<|endoftext|>
>15 year old daughter suddently got an >decide to buy her one >she cares for it like a baby, honestly >she wants me to hold it but I don't wanna >the damn thing looks me in the face >daughter tells me it can eat all sorts of meat >what the hell >feed it a piece of steak >IT EATS IT FROM MY HAND >have been bonding with the mantis ever since <|endoftext|>
>be me\n>have a giant crush on this girl ou> I've known for 4 years but she's>host a party but he was busy and\n>she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over>found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him>refused\n>she gave me a sad look and feel asleep <|endoftext|>
>be me, depressed and homebody\n>smoke in my room almost constantly>decide to get a bonsai tree >realize im killing this tree with my shitty choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my>started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking <|endoftext|>
>Rittenhouse gets cleared of all charges\n>About to exit court room >Judge yells out from behind: >hey kid >Rittenhouse turns around >you forgot this >Tosses him his AR15 >Credits roll, Eye of the Tiger plays <|endoftext|>
> 10 years ago I was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and>now I realize you are all a bunch of faggots>welcome home you gay bitch <|endoftext|>
>be me\n>live with a girl\n>bigtiddygothgf.png\n>have been with her for 6 years now>there's one problem >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to>that's it\n>besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship>because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no>then suddenly\n>one day she comes back home visibly depressed\n>doesn't look at me at all for a while\n>after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I>she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason>we go there, the bath is filled with hot water\n>she wants us to bathe together\n>she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well\n>suddenly drops me\n>she's immediately electrocuted\n>mfw im a toaster <|endoftext|>
>be me\n>named David\n>be depressed for the past 4 years, I >one day while eating with my mother>think about it >My depression is my Goliath >No matter how weak and insignificant I am I will prevail my Goliath and kill it>Start feeling better about myself <|endoftext|>
>walk into class\n>your crush is tied up like this what do you do?<|endoftext|>
>go on reddit\n>make comment about something I think I'm right about>get proven wrong\n>admit that I was wrong and thank person who provided a>get downvoted anyway >this fucking site\n<|endoftext|>
>me >live in mid size city in flyover >make $15/hr (considered a good >can only get 25 hrs a week because obongocare TOKE YPC >$1500 a month before taxes, $1200>$750 goes to renttutilities for studio apartment\n>$100 goes to groceries, rice and beans, and bulk purchases only>$115 a month for phone and internet, cheapest possible>$90 or so to gas >$44 for car insurance >$101 >The American experiment has utterly failed and I hate vou all<|endoftext|>
> dad is a welder\n> really hard worker, literally works himself to death> comes home late, hardly ever see him\n> 2nd grade in primary school\n>in class\n> look at door and see my dad\n> \"excuse me, can I take anon outside to see the eclipse?\"> teacher lets me go out with my old man\n> never seen one before, super stoked, plus I'm happy to see my dad at school> he hands me a welding helmet like pic related and I look at the sun> only lasted about 10 minutes but is still a cherished memory<|endoftext|>
>7 year old cousin is over 2 >She wants to play the PS4 in my> )).8</\\\\2 >Mom tells me to \"keep the door open\"<|endoftext|>
>Sitting at the bar >feel someone tap my shoulder >turn around and see a guy standing there with this weird smile on his face>he says \"got the time?\", but he is almost >I say \"sure\" and pull out my pocket >As soon as I pull out my pocket watch the guy belts out laughing, along with a large table nearby, full of people>before I can even check the time, the guy walks away to the laughing table and loudly says \"I told you it was a>one of the girls at the table says \"Who the fuck-\" but laughs so hard she cannot speak>I look around and see that there are other people in the place looking at me and some are laughing too>put my pocket watch away and try to go back to my drinks<|endoftext|>
>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l\u2019 get better in university >it will get better when i have a job>ive wasted my entire fucking life, my youth is gone ive missed out<|endoftext|>
>have a crush on girl >manage to get her over to my house to watch a movie>we're both on the couch watching it>she grabs my arm and wraps it around her so we're cuddled together and she>just stay like that for a while, feels good >at some point she gets up and goes to the bathroom>when she comes back to the bathroom i look up and see she doesn't have a shirt or bra on>her titties are just... right there and she's looking right at me>brain completely freezes and i'm totally confused\n>i give her a fucking thumbs up and say nice tits then go back to watching the movie>she stands there for a few seconds then goes back to the bathroom and puts her bra and shirt<|endoftext|>
>add a chick from soc\n>she's european\n>tell her i'm russian (this was before the war) 2 ='\u00a59 >she doesn't seem to mind ie S08< Gg >we sort of hit it off>she blocks me <|endoftext|>
>uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live\n>sad, go to my room and lock the door\n>radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice by sacrificing my life for his>drew a pentagram on a piece of paper and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper>prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life\n>next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery <|endoftext|>
>be me, 7 >live in small desert town a few hours outside of Vegas>local diner is almost always swimming with scary looking bikers>was always scared of the big bearded >tried my best to keep my distance >one day at diner, just me and mom >mom leaves me alone to use bathroom >scared a fuck >feel massive hand grab my shoulder and nearly shit myself>\"hey kid, I noticed you looked a little scared. Everything ok?\u201d>nervously tell him I\u2019m fine and that my mom is using the bathroom>we start talking about life and I start to loosen up\n>asks me about school and what I like to do for fun\n>find out him and his gang are part of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse)>we talk for a little longer until my mom gets back\n>they chat a little and he walks off >as he\u2019s walking away he turns to me and says \u201cstay in school buddy\u201d and winks at me>never see him again <|endoftext|>
>new neighbors just moved right Pa LS, im >they tell me to not use WiFi<|endoftext|>
>Be me >Few weeks ago >Go to Apple store to get battery replaced >Spend an hour and thirty minutes walking around, come back>They tell me the phone is missing some parts, so the battery is unreplaceable>Next day >Go to shitty PcFix, feces everywhere, legit the most dingiest fucking place alive>ask to get battery replaced > He goes in the back for fifteen to thirty minutes\n>Comes back, battery health is replaced and 100% capacity.>Ask if any parts were missing, they weren't. >Pay the 60$ and walk out <|endoftext|>
>don\u2019t like eye contact\n>pick up random things they find\n>make random noises <|endoftext|>
> Anti-social loser in CS masters program\n> TA'ing because I like to torture myself\n> Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior> Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he pretends to be a student and shares around some private git> Made this comment last spring, forget completely.\n> Cut to today.\n> TA\u2019ing still\n> This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due> Dreading grading that, but w/e\n> Wake up this morning\n> Email from professor\n> \"Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it.\"\n> Attached: Cheaters dot zip\n> Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating.<|endoftext|>
>be me\n>be gay\n>came out to parents about 4 years ago>dad hasn't spoken to me since\n>at New Years party at my parents house>whole family is there and having fun\n>feelsgoodtobeincluded.wav\n>everybody has been drinking\n>because New Years\n>anyway, the clock hits 00:00 , whooooo! New Years!>my dad walks up to me and says\n>\"well, it\u2019s 2019 anon\u201d\n>I\u2019m stunned, I think he\u2019s finally come to terms with me being gay I say>\"sure is dad\u201d\n>then he says\n>\u2019and you're still a fucking faggot\u201d\n<|endoftext|>
>Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to<|endoftext|>
>be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before>decide to have a kickback at my >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there>she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is normal since we're pretty close>solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was>I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down>kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back>we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms>texts me the next day to tell me that she\u2019s had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too>I tell her the same thing <|endoftext|>
>get drunk and have sex with girl 2 years ago>that girl eventually becomes my girlfriend>everyone laughs\n>it all makes sense now\n>that day I was really drunk and she was sober\n>kept handing me drinks and eventually took me to her car and started blowing me<|endoftext|>
>hyper military based society SS >tries to convince itself it's the>loses <|endoftext|>
>gf admitted she had a foot fetish a few months ago and gets turned on>had always made fun of foot fetishists, it never once turned me>indulge her at the time because why not, doesn't hurt me>fast forward 2 months\n>get instant boners when she takes her socks off and puts her feet in my lap now<|endoftext|>
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of>at a school party >everyone\u2019s dancing, I just >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face\n>autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds>then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can>next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by>mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad>take that stacy\n<|endoftext|>
>sitting blindfolded >woman in lab coat feeds me a Twix\n>\u201dLeft\u201d >she marks her notes >329 consecutive correct guesses\n<|endoftext|>

Greentext Dataset

This is content pulled from various archives to create a "greentext bot" or sorts using GPT-JT. Really, just a dumb joke I made with some friends.

Biases & Limitations

This dataset contains charaters such as \n and u2019d that need to be filtered out manually. Needless to say, this dataset contains many instances of profanity & biases, as it is trained on data from hell. I don't recommend actually using any of this.

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Models trained or fine-tuned on DarwinAnim8or/greentext