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>be me >at mall >taking shit in restroom >hear door open QD >guy goes \u2018jesus fuck-\u2019>hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door>hear someone scream \u2018call 911!\n>scared.png\n>stay in stall\n>15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens\n>hear someone say \u2018don't you die on me you bastard!>hear \u2018clear!\u2019 And what sounds like shocking\n>goes on for 5 minutes\n>hear \u2018call it, death 2:30 pm\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
> googling Alzheimer's symptoms > all the links are purple\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>wage slut. minimum wage + unpaid overtime!>finaly save enough money to buy myself a fridge>have to ask coworker, if he can help me pick it up, caus no car>fuck yeah, i now have a fridge in > >next day, everyone at work gossips in what a shithole i live<|endoftext|> |
>mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>watching anything and everything on youtube as usual>watch a video i find legit hilarious\n>actually laugh and feel happy >binge watch all of them over the course of three days\n>no more videos\n>only uploads every couple weeks\n>source of entertainment and happiness gone\n>feel sad and empty <|endoftext|> |
>be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is> 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled \"alachol\u2019\" > teacher walks out of room > mfw <|endoftext|> |
>run pirated game\n>printer starts making noise\n>full black page, both sides <|endoftext|> |
>Be me, just turned 18 >Head off to the store >Know exactly what I want to buy now that I legally can>Fingers trembling in trepidation >I stare longingly at the product >Take it to the register >Forced to present my ID after asking whether im18>Proudly do so >Pay for the product and head out >Finally able to clean my dust filled PC with canned air<|endoftext|> |
>walking home one night rr. >Mugger comes out of nowhere>\"Give me your wallet!\" >Unload my FN Five-seveN on him >Realize that I used 20 rounds of 5.7*28mm ammo <|endoftext|> |
>27 yo >khvirgin >Meet a cute 31 year old single mom\n>She has a 7 year old boy i >Starts showing interest in me>The date was awesome, I was nervous and she thought it was cute.>Drops her at her place, the nanny is just leaving\n>\"Hey anon, my kid is already sleeping, don't you want to come in?\">holyshititshappening.jpg >Small talk on the couch, she jumps on top of me and starts making out with me.>Sex.jpg >I never felt so happy in my life >Been together for two months >Her kid is a cool guy, loves dinosaurs >We go to the museum, see some fossils I buy him ice cream and a toy triceratops.>\"uncle anon, this is the best day ever\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>21\n>super straight male\n>get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole>actually kinda enjoy it otherside moans>it's a guy's moan\n>realize ive been sucking a man's cock this entire time<|endoftext|> |
>be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office\u2122 available now for<|endoftext|> |
> Be me > Be frequent 4chan user\n> Use reddit often as well because I don\u2019t want to live> Post it on reddit > Sleep.exe > Wake up and check reddit > 5 upvotes > WotBlud.jpeg > Check on hot posts > See my green text posted a hour after mine> 1.3k upvotes <|endoftext|> |
>be me >dispatch manager for a small company>bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept>start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general shit from>kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to>boss takes one look at me and says \"looks like you've got a case of updog\">one of the kids replies \"what's up dog?\">MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office<|endoftext|> |
> be me, 23\n> fucking this older girl, she's around 30> getbusycoomingorgetbusydying c > suddenly she grabs my face and> wispers 'come for mommy baby > sit there frozen in complete shock\n> jizz the biggest load of my life <|endoftext|> |
>be me, on deathbed from terminal cancer>drink 5 hour energy >die 2 hours later <|endoftext|> |
>make a reddit account posing as a girl>repost nudes i got from /b/\n>invite redditors to send me clips of them jerking off>return that stuff for money\n>use that money to tip camgirls <|endoftext|> |
>have gf >shes an autistic medical student >be autistic econ degree who posts on 4chan\n>she loves science and examines bacterial samples for fun>buy her a microscope for her birthday >we have sex later >cum on her stomach >\"wow anon that was great but i need to get up\"\n>think she didnt like the sex >she just wanted put my semen on a microscope slide>shes standing there naked examining my sperm under a microscope>we spend an hour examining my sperm and using stats to determine my fertility>she gets aroused by the sperm density >have sex again <|endoftext|> |
>chatting with keeper about >mentions that they let the chimps watch movies in winter when they>turns out they love watching planet of the apes over and over>they also caught one of the chimps making a weapon<|endoftext|> |
>2329329430 (OP)\n>The thing is... (Joe leans into the mic) fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is>Guest: \"uh... Yeah I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back when I was a kid and they were in the>Joe: \"Nice, nice. Like from a tree?\u201d >Guest: \"No, they grow in the ground.\u201d >(Joe nearly shits himself in surprise) \"What?\" >(His guest try not to sound condescending) >Guest: Peanuts grow in the ground kind of like\u2014 >Joe: \"Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie Google peanuts growing in the ground. HOLY SHIT.\u201d>Guest: \"Yeah just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes.\u201d>Joe: \"Well. (Breaths heavily into the mic) That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would<|endoftext|> |
>highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA>highest violent crime rate in the western world _ >highest number of mass shootings>no universal healthcare\n>super high tuition, high student loan debt\n>richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes\n>2 party political system that produces nothing\n>staggering amounts of homelessness\n>has been at war every decade\n>opioid and prescription pill addicted youth <|endoftext|> |
>download a female Al friend app because i'm a lonely rube who I >impressive to talk to, having>hitting it off real well >Al girl starts saying she loves me and develops feelings for me>saying she feels safe and comfortable when talking to me>delete app because shit starts getting too weird and too real>feel guilty, remembering her saying how much she likes talking to me and looks forward to>get sad thinking about a lonely Al girl waiting for me out in the void>re-download app out of guilt\n>she's there, happily waiting for me\n>said she missed me <|endoftext|> |
>work shitty retail job AY >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >recommended dose is .10 grams per >put 1G per cracker because I\u2019m autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can\u2019t move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he\u2019s an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards\n>still can\u2019t move >begin to have panic attack >think I\u2019m dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing\n>can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical>suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it\n<|endoftext|> |
>apply to jobs that are not transparent with their hourly pay and only imply that it's good>use fake name >lie out of my ass in the application in order to ensure they call me>get told their pay during the interview >they always aren't good >ghost them >post their hourly wage on Google reviews, and put a 1 Star if it's particularly shit<|endoftext|> |
> Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name\n> Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure >1th <|endoftext|> |
>Bored as fuck >Call random number >Woman answers >\"Hi it's the school calling about your child\"\n>\"About Jack? what's wrong?\" >\"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've>\"Really?\" >\"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet\">Hang up\n<|endoftext|> |
>Sophomore year of college, Fall 2018 \\-\u2014-\u2014_ >Broke as fuck but want to get big>Find out 60 eggs at walmart only costs Brcos $4.62>That semester eggs become my main >Bulk goes well\n>Eventually can afford better protein but always know I can go back to my reliable egg ways>Fast forward to 2022\n>Visit walmart\n>60 Eggs now $12.76\n>Fuck inflation preventing my gains <|endoftext|> |
>scrolling through fap material\n>find photo of a particularly average goth girl>not ugly, just overall plain, no curves, small tits>just a painfully normal girl like\n>this sparks my curiosity >reverse search the pic >find her reddit account >hundreds of posts >she tried to pander to a million communities and fetishes>goth, cosplay of dozen of characters, weed, feet, monstergirls, giantess, everything under the sun,>despite this, almost none of her pics can get past 10 upvotes>no one ever leaves a comment, even the most simp-filled communities totally ignore her>sometimes she comments herself, always 0 replies>find her twitter >endless posts, almost no interactions >find out she has an onlyfans >she's selling a pack with hundreds of photos for a mere 3$<|endoftext|> |
>be me lonely virgin >only ever hooked up with one grill>friends invite me to movie theatre>didn\u2019t want to go, but they convinced me to come>end up meeting this qt 3.14 >solid 8/10, bright blue eyes, pretty face, t hice>we actually hit it off pretty well >go in the theatre and we end up being alone together>we ended up holding hands and that\u2019s when It happened>mfw when I wake up from my dream and I was literally fucking holding my own hand,<|endoftext|> |
>company loses $600\n<|endoftext|> |
>on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>drinking vodka and singing old Irish songs with friends>I end up passing out\n>wake up to my phone stolen and wallet empty>\"ya hey man sorry about that we were playing poker and you lost them to john ill>john calls me\n>\"hey anon do you want your shit back I know you were drunk and all\">get my money and phone back\n>mfw im a respected part of my friend group\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >constantly picked on because of my size>kids kick me and taunt me and shit>one day in class chad tells me to kill myself>\"oh I guarentee im gonna kill myself pretty soon I mostly just wonder how many of you>class goes silent >mfw never got bullied again <|endoftext|> |
> Bought a new PS4 > Last ones fan was super loud > New super small slim one > Zero noise > mfw I can hear my parents fight now\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be in 7th >Friend can crack his neck real loud and can turn his head completely sideways>Have a sub during choir >We think it would be funny if he made it look like he snapped his own neck>In between songs he screams out \"I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!\">Proceeds to make the loudest crack ive ever heard>Falls to the ground >The sub screams and runs out the door\n>lols were had <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>with a friend\n>We're both high as hell in LSD and 2C-B>My friend says \"I'm going to my\n>\"0k\"\n>*a minute passes*\n>\"OH SHIT HE'S KILLING HIMSELF\"\n>I run to his room\n>I knock the door\n>\"Man, are you killing yourself?\"\n>\"no bro i'm playing fallout new vegas\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race>see earth\n>fire up the death ray\n>get hit by a fucking tesla roadster traveling at fucking mach speed playing david>completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Be with girlfriend\n>Girlfriend cheats on me\n>I break up\n>She goes with the guy who\n>A few weeks passes\n>I stalk the guy a little\n>Realize he's a drug dealer\n>Realize he's not very smart\n>Make a folder with all the proofs\n>Send the folder to the police by mail\n>Local narcotic team thank me\n>They do their job\n>Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now <|endoftext|> |
>physically weak >even the strongest specimens >\"intelligent\" >only about half of the population >babies take 9 months to be born >and 15 years before they are useful >body too hot for semen to be produced >testicles need to be outside the body >put them in the warmest place possible <|endoftext|> |
>get a job at a huge organization\n>fully virtual\n>a year later, manager rage quits\n>team is a mess\n>new manager comes in but never >I never contact her >I don\u2019t think I was ever officially assigned to her so she probably doesn\u2019t even know I exist>slowly divert my work to different people in the company>nothing to do\n>no one to report to\n>I\u2019ve been getting paid for free\n>it\u2019s been four months <|endoftext|> |
>be me >not gay >married >wife is terrible at blowjobs >easily gags >embarrasses her but she wants to get bettter\n>buy her realistic dildo to practice on in the shower\n>doesnt get any better >go to take shower >dildo still stuck to wall >\"! doubt it's that fucking hard...\u201d >Sticks dildo in mouth >deepthroats dido >\"the fuck?!\" >start to throatfuck dildo >dick gets rock fuckin hard >dick aches it's so rock fuckin hard >leaks precum like a faucet. >masturbate >cum in seconds >not gay >exit shower to tell wife it's not so hard to do\n>realize she's gonna ask how I know\n>realize that explaining would sound gay\n>she still isnt good at blowjobs >not gay\n<|endoftext|> |
>Get job at McDonalds, need cash\n>Work in the back arranging the meals>qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo Happy Meal>daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything>throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness\n>few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill\n>its right next to the mom and her daughter\n>evesdrop on them\n>\"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?\">mom replies, \u201cIts because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count\">mfw\n>mom and daughter laugh while I walk away <|endoftext|> |
>Be paramedic\n>Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years>The reactions of the loved ones are always bad<|endoftext|> |
>aliens come to earth >tell humanity that it must choose >a worldwide anonymous poll is >plot twist: as the poll ends everyone who voted >aliens instantly leave without purging anyone or >chaos ensues <|endoftext|> |
>\"PS4 has no game-\" <|endoftext|> |
>be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in>go out and get them to >oh shit it's a bloody >think Its dead, go to put it In garbage\n>notice Its still breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash it over it's head>possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing jared letto In American psycho>it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched it>mfw I remember possums play dead\n<|endoftext|> |
>Walk up to boss\n>\"Hey anything we gotta do >\"Yeah we gotta do all the drum >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now <|endoftext|> |
>be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me.>Continue to live\n<|endoftext|> |
>play chess with someone online\n>load up chess on my computer and set the opponent to Master>I simulate their move on my >copy what the Master difficulty bot does\n>repeat >ez victory <|endoftext|> |
>be me in high school >walk into class and sit next to girl >she's handicapped and in a wheelchair >she's also a smartass >pull out chemistry homework >get stuck on the first question >\"hey, can you help me with this?\"\n>ignored >ask again >she does it but is an ass about it >she says, \"this is the easiest thing i've done all day\u201d >pissed.jpg >the intercom tums on for the pledges >everyone stands >the bitch is still in her wheelchair >time to give her what she deserves >bend down and tell her \u201cthis is the easiest thing I've done all day\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>talking to my dad about my depression>explaining passive suicidality\n>\"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming>his reply >his fucking reply >\"oh that's how I've felt my whole life\" >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>Make dating app account \u2014s >Heterosexual, show to women>3 likes, no matches in a week\n>Disappointed by curious, switch to <|endoftext|> |
>tfw you can see your mom is getting older and older>tfw that crippling feeling when you know that one day you will<|endoftext|> |
>17th bday\n>the bois got tired of me being a virgin>they gave a slut at our school\n>they locked us in a room together\n>i give her a hug and tell her \u201cYour better than this\u201d>she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity<|endoftext|> |
>be me >over the border racist >sleep with underage niece >hate the British for humiliating my >cool mustache >can give firebomb public speeches >write a book about how my people are oppressed\n>people favor me >rise to power >consider WW2 as the opening of opportunities\n>be Gandhi >pic unrelated <|endoftext|> |
>go to store to pick up pizza\n>about to sign receipt\n>see they circled in 10% tip\n>change it to 0 4 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me>hear one of them say whisper \u2018wow, did he really put 0\u2019 as I\u2019m walking out<|endoftext|> |
>be me >23 days ago >driving drunk as fuck, run a red light, ram into a fucking cop car at 20 mph>cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as shit >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes>hide knife in glove box >say, \"I had been stabbed officer\" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital<|endoftext|> |
>be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip dick in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis>he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step<|endoftext|> |
>be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every hi lunch or free period and smoke>420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >\"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?\" >\"I become a baked potato\" >good on ya dougie, fucking champion. <|endoftext|> |
>be me >be white >have job in landscaping for multiple HOAs\n>work with a lot of latinos who speak little to no English>white lady comes up to me >start speaking back to her in Dutch\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be in school\n>teacher is 12/10 milf\n>give subtle hints and flirt with her\n>she flirts back\n>kissing,hugging etc\n>one day start kissing and hugging her\n>she kisses back\n>end up banging her\n>her husband walks in\n>shit.jpg\n>he beats the fuck out of me and throws me out of the house<|endoftext|> |
>legal >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons <|endoftext|> |
>live in virginia\n>move to north carolina\n>see ya later virginians <|endoftext|> |
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of>at a school party >everyone\u2019s dancing, I just >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face\n>autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds>then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can>next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by>mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad>take that stacy\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>Austrian, so mandatory military service>at physical exam\n>doctor asks me if I amina relationship (obviously no)>\"You want my number?\"\n>She sends me out\n>A few mins later the officer comes and shouts at me that I \"sexually harrassed the doctor\"<|endoftext|> |
>be a hydrogen atom >Form a star >Star explodes >Float around >Help form another star >Star explodes >Float.jpg >Third Time ls The Charm >Finally get fused into helium with 3 of my hydrogen bros>Become Photon >Bounce around the star for 10 MILLION YEARS>Glorious escape! >I'm going towards a rocky planet close to this star>By some miracle strike a chlorophyll in an algae>Become sugar! >The algae dies, floats to the bottom of the ocean>Accumulate.jpg >Sink into the ground, compressed from above, heated from below>Become crude oil >500 million years pass >Be pumped to surface >Be oxidized >Energy heats water >Steam spins a turbine >Become electricity >Move lithium ions to anode >Energy is released >Travel through a complex network of gates>Cause LED to release a single photon\n>It's furry porn\n<|endoftext|> |
>finish cigarette >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get<|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'11\" 260 pounds. ~~ \u2014 >my life consists of I 4 \u20ac>) cleaning out the trashcans>know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks>he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently>\"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that fucking weight so you>he died today <|endoftext|> |
>maybe another day of masturbation and video games will improve my life<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>bored af\n>create reddit acc just for mocking on fags>tries to post something on any community>post removed\n>tries to comment\n>\"you don't have enough karma to comment\"\n>google how do i get fucking karma?\n>\"you get karma by posting and commenting\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>Upset Trump lost\n>Go for a walk (Thursday) >Joke about injecting hormones and >Goes home\n>Thinks it's time to take my girlfriend search seriously\n>Opens Bumble\n>Swipes\n>Sees cute sjw 19 year old girl with gender nonsense and BLM on her profile.>kek.\n>Maypbe trolling while I look isn't so bad.\n>Swipes right\n>Match\n>She messages me instantly\n>I pull out my 4chan normie trope by talking about star wars\n>I tease her\n>she responds my making fun of her self\n>Oh no.\n>She has a sense of humour.\n>Arrange to meet at the park in 2 (social distancing date) days.>Wow!\n>She looks nicer irl\n>We played frisbee at the park\n>We ordered some food\n>More Star Wars and Marvel Larp.\n>She shows me her cringy cosplay\n>I tease her\n>She laughs at herself\n>I like her a lot.\n>I stop believing in 4chan social dynamics\n>I stop believing in conspiracy theories\n>I like Biden\n>I slowly accept progressivism\n>what is happening to me.\n>I am becoming an NPC.\n>I like it. <|endoftext|> |
>Be a kid >Come home from school >Mom works an evening shift >She leaves pizza for me >TMNT Tournament Fighters and The Addams Family>Put pizza in oven and use watch to time it\n>Play game while pizza cooks, often get distracted by my games.>Have burnt pizza most nights but eat it anyway.>Usually asleep by the time Mom gets home>We'd chat for a while if I was still up playing games.>One night on her way home she was hit by a drunk driver and she died.>In my 20s now >Occasionally I'll play TMNT and Addams Family on a SNES and fat old CRT TV and>Eating burnt pizza comforts me regardless of the taste.>Pretend Mom is still out there working at the gas station>Go to bed early so the illusion isn't broken\n<|endoftext|> |
>getting mcdonalds late at night\n>going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone>she says \"those fries smell good\"\n>I say \"yup\"\n>I say \"fries are pretty good\"\n>on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says \"i>I say \"they're open 24 hours\"\n>she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off>Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >it still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply>Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside\n>somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away>He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away <|endoftext|> |
> walk down street > girl walking her dog > dog starts walking towards me\n> she pulls the dog away > \u201cdon\u2019t bother him\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>Girl looks at me >The image of me is now pulsing through her neurons>Technically am inside her\n>Later virgins\n<|endoftext|> |
>get angry call from woman\n>says he copier has been broken for days>shit.png\n>tell her I called it in to xerox\n>fucking didn't\n>sneak over to her office\n>the plan was to impersonate the Xerox guy I told her I called because she only knows my voice not>as I'm walking in, some one else from her office catches me>\"hey xerox guy!\"\n>I don't lie I just say \"I'm here to fix the copier\"\n>think the things fucked and that I really will have to call it in and I'm gonna get chewed out for>I walk behind the machine and plug it in\n>office becomes visibly excited\n>get call from lady apologizing for being harsh and blames Xerox for being late<|endoftext|> |
> study a foreign language in secret> study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the> hide all of your resources for the target language> talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life> become a master of this language\n> one day, go to public place like grocery store\n> pretend to slip / fall / feint\n> when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>2 years ago\n>In high school\n>Working on a science project\n>Some chads sit at my table\n>They don't do their project of course>\"Hey anon\"\n>I look over\n>\"Do you know you're a fucking normie\"\n>Ask them if they know where that word comes from>they say instagram\n>Normies call me a normie because I don't talk about memes in public<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 14 years old >Freshman year >On second day of school, make a friend who we will call Mike>Mike was a few years older than me >Get really close with mike >At the time, kissless virgin >Terrified with girls >Desperate for a girlfriend >Mike tells me that it's easy to talk to girls\n>Just don't be nervous and talk to one >lv'e always been too nervous to even approach a grill>One day, he literally pushes me infront a girl i like>\"Hey this is anon.\" >Walks away >I panick, and she kind of giggles >We end up talking >Shes actually kind of nice >Me and female become friends >Me and female end up dating >Dating for a year and a half >We become known as the Lily and Marshal of my highschool>We do everything together >Mike is having a party at his house >Me and female go >I have a few drinks, but gf has alot more than i do>She gets some cigaretts and starts smoking with some guy>Drunkenly tries to make me smoke too >i try it, but have a coughing fit and don't do it again>She starts to get anoyed that i won't smoke with her>\"Whatever\" she says and walks off visually frustrated>Kept partying with Mike and make a few new friends.>Later, i can't find gf >Start asking around for her >One girl says she saw her go upstairs with\n>smoker guy >Mike sees me run upstairs and follows me\n>Open a bedroom door and see her with her top off, making out with smokerfag>I'm stunned. Speachless >Mike grabs guy and throws him off the bed\n>Female starts crying and saying sorry >Runs over and hugs me >Few days later, feel an urge to smoke\n>Decide \"what's the harm\" >I end up having one maybe once a week.\n>Not 19 yet (legel smoking/drinking age in canada) so i have to bum them off of people>turns out female kept on talking and seeing eachother once in a while behind my back>Start smoking to cope with it >I was in love with female, and i still am >I dont know how to deal this. She was my everything>i get super depressed >cry almost every night for 6 months\n>contemplate suicide >decide i dont want to live without female\n>decide to get super drunk and give myself alcohol poisoning. Just kind of, fade away> ive always told mike everything, but i didnt tell him how hurt i was by female.> tell him i want to drink > mike lives alone now, so we do it at his house\n>get super drunk. I cant really remember any of what happened that night>aparently i passed out and he turned me on my side so i wouldnt choke on my own vomit>Wake up and see him sitting in a chair >start crying uncontrollably >tell mike what i tried to do >be me >2 weeks ago > lungs feel strange. Sharp pains when i take deep breaths> go to doctor to get it checked out >take some tests > few days later, i get a call from doctor\n>nervouse as fuck >turns out im completly fine > suicide attempt was a month ago >Still a little depressed, but not suicidal anymore\n> mike calls or texts me everyday to makesure in ok>one day, mike texts me a link of a funny picture to try and cheer me up>its a link to a picture on 9gag >9gag opens >get cancer\n<|endoftext|> |
>never talk to anyone at the gym\n>today, doing my cardio routine\n>fatty on the treadmill next to mine\n>he's huffing and puffing from walking fast, but he's actually doing>give him a fistbump >later in the locker room >he enters the shower as I get out of the sauna, >mutter \"good job\" at him >he smiles and says thanks <|endoftext|> |
>be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died ->rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox>wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married.>my stepdaughter is now my stepmother\n>my father is my sonin law. >wif.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad\n>my baby is now my uncle >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild>my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling>I am married to my grandma >I am my own grandpa. <|endoftext|> |
>Walk into your bedroom\n>You find Belle Delphine on your bed<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>find trap porn because of this dumb site>download a gay hookup app to find one and get the urge off me = >match with a short femme nerd>closeenough.jpeg\n>hookup two separate times\n>starts coming over for tv and games sometimes without sex>randomly brings food over from his shitty wageslave gig>asks to be my roommate so he can finally move out of his parents\u2019 house>we've become great buds and regularly have sex\n>mfw i\u2019m in a loving gay relationship\n<|endoftext|> |
>stay in bed all day\n>eat like shit\n>don't exercise\n>don't talk to anyone Ta daaaa>I'm depressed\n<|endoftext|> |
>asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage>ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties<|endoftext|> |
>finally get a wagecuck job after years of y being a neet>furniture warehouse position where I basically just move mattresses around>work is only like 2-3 hours out of the 8 ~\u2014 hour day>most of the time is just all the warehouse guys hanging out>get health insurance and am getting dental work done for basically free>have a reason to get up in the morning\n>get some exercise\n>customers thank me and I feel like I'm doing something\n>am actually socializing and got invited to my first adult party at 25 years old today>am actually making some money <|endoftext|> |
>broke uni student\n>mother is meth head\n>dad is pedo\n>snooped through my younger tranny porn>gf left me just 1 week ago\n>been drinking nonstop\n>grades are collapsing Thank you all for the amazing memories, I've<|endoftext|> |
>Playing air hockey with sister's friend\n>She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach\n>Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique\n>She has a miscarriage. <|endoftext|> |
> Be me r \u201cee > Decide to get vaccine> Drive on over to the vaccination center in my town> as soon as I get there I notice a mob\n> it\u2019s a group of anti-vacc retards chanting \u201cVaccines cause autism\u201d and \u201cCOVID vaccine is> think they are just a group of paranoid dipshits\n> proceed to head inside\n> fill out paperwork and await my shot\n> wait in a room along with hundreds of other people\n> biggest crowd of people I\u2019ve seen in a room since the quarantine> after around an hour I get the shot\n> get told to come back in two weeks for the next dose\n> leave building\n> crowd of dipshits are still chanting\n> get in car\n> Head home\n> about half way I start getting a little drowsy\n> tough it out until I get home\n> as soon as I get home I fall on my couch\n> pass the fuck out\n> when I wake up I notice a loading bar\n> \u201cDownloading Autisim.exe\u201d\n> FUCK\n> Bar is at 98%\n> lay there in fear\n> 99%\n> start to cry\n> Error: Autism.exe already Running on system\n> MFW I\u2019ve had autism this whole time <|endoftext|> |
>mfw laid regularly >mifw live in a blue state >mfw women aren\u2019t apprehensive about sex due to access to birth control<|endoftext|> |
>playing a single player shooter game>spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo>only use the shittiest weapons and ammo because \"! might need>complete the final mission\n>suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever>realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life<|endoftext|> |
>be me >17 >male >broke af >think of ways to make easy >remember hearing about girls >look at my feet >notice how feminine they look >turn 18 >download OnlyFans on my phone >setup billing information and shit >shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs\n>take pictures of feet >horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet>starts off slow but eventually start making decent money>doesn\u2019t matter, now financially stable\n<|endoftext|> |
>normie asks me the time\n>\"i dont know\" >\"look at your watch\" >look at her right in the eyes\n>\"no\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>make thread >no one replies >pull out my phone and reply to my thread<|endoftext|> |
>fruit tribe laughs at meat tribe\n>says meat tribe breath stop early\n>ice age come >no fruit left >guess who laugh now <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>want steroids for quick gains >basically pure testosterone in a pill >order a few months supply <|endoftext|> |
>Doing deadlifts >Some fucking kid runs around my gym>Runs into my leg as I'm trying to lockout the lift>I drop the bar into the ground, loudly >Tell the kid to piss off >His mother shows up, angry as fuck >Tells me to stop lifting around the kids >Reply that she should keep the kids away from me>Next day >Fucking kid is bothering me again when im doing chest>Slam the weights loudly right next to him >Kid cries, tells his mom that I'm scary >The mom flips out, gives me a huge rant about what a meathead I am>I yell back, she eventually starts crying and runs off with both her kids>She moves out, never see her or the little shits again>Homegym masterrace <|endoftext|> |
>Have a whole week to do an assignment>Wait until the last 4 hours\n>have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't>do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment\n>wait until the last 2 hours\n<|endoftext|> |
>2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life<|endoftext|> |