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> be me\n> 17 when rock band came out\n> read about rock band online every day> watch rock band videos every day rock band> brother has a ps3 but it's In his room\n> no other consoles in the house\n> he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas> fast forward xmas eve\n> beg mom to let me open one gift early\n> it's rock band for 360> I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all> \"I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more.\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>20 year old autist >working drive through at mcdonalds >\"I'll have 2 chicken sandwiches 1 with no tomato\u201d\n>\"which one do you not want tomato on?\u201d >some brief silence and a muffled sound >\"either one, man\u201d >messed up their change ttoo\n<|endoftext|> |
> Be me, alone on Christmas > Hungry, go out for food > Go to local Chinese restaurant > Walk in and sit down, restaurant is > Owner walks up and greets me in broken English > \"Hello, see you on holiday, thank you for joining us\" > Owner's entire extended family comes out from > Start moving tables around and bringing out dishes > They set up an entire feast > Genuinely enjoy the food and company even > After eating, I help the family put the restaurant > I ask the owner how much I owe him for the meal > \"You owe us nothing, thank you for joining us, Merry > Leave and go home with a smile on my face, still <|endoftext|> |
>ate two slices of pizza\n>watched tv >Went to work\n>Came home\n>Called you a faggot <|endoftext|> |
>be 10\n>waiting in line with mom >'Hold on, I forgot to get something stay in line.\u201d\n>Line gets closer to the front\n>Mom still not back yet <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>dating gymnast\n>she's been practicing for a competition>she's gotten even more flexible\n>\"anon, I wanna try a new position\n>hellyeah.jpg\n>she gets in super strange stretching position\n>we start going at it\n>it's not that great but I still finish\n>\"how was it anon\"\n>weird flex, but ok <|endoftext|> |
>be american >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is>get beheaded by isis >be asian\n>suicide because of stress and no gf >be african\n>be african >be australian\n>get killed by venomous animal and lose <|endoftext|> |
>1 month until 2020\n>no Moon base, no Mars <|endoftext|> |
>Be me in army\n>mandatory in my shitty country\n>first time we noob soldiers fire our guns>drill instructor yells \"are you ready?\"\n>i yell back \"ai ai captain\"\n>random guy two rows away yells \"i cant hear you\"\n>drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him>i yell again \"OOOOO0000\"\n>random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away)>dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor>we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving>i am attending the \"i cant hear you\" guy wedding next week<|endoftext|> |
>Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish>If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish<|endoftext|> |
>be school in Florida\n>worried trans kids will make sports unfair>mandate \u201cgenital inspection of minors\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't>have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by>think \"she doesn't speak English so she won't>fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust\n>mfw I realize how fucking autistic I am<|endoftext|> |
>be me >worked in a shitty museum >gave tours to classes all the time >the work was boring >the museum sucked >you pay $20 to walk around and >start on going joke with coworkers >when training new hires for tours we throw in shit >I decide to give George Washington a middle >I gave the new hire his study materials >have him shadow my tours and keep referring to >nobody questions the S. >new hire takes over tours and refers to him with >not a single soul questions him while me and my >went back 8 years later after with my own kid for >went on to tell her how I used to work here when >get to part about George >lady giving tours gets to his part and says >I fucking lost it >all these years have came and gone >and these fucks still call him George S. >ask her what the S. stands for >she says Smith >you don't understand /b/ >I had to leave the museum I was laughing so <|endoftext|> |
>first time spending the night with new gf ' >wake up to the sound of her crying>She starts profusely apologizing to me>apparently she's a bedwetter\n>usually wears diapers to bed and has plastic mattress covers but>starts rambling about how it's cuz her uncle abused her and shit>just try to calm her down and tell her it's ok>she finally calms down >next night she puts on a diaper and puts a cover on the bed>notice her get up at least twice in the night to change diapers<|endoftext|> |
>boss calls me into office\n>\"hey anon we noticed you've been cold and unwelcoming to your new<|endoftext|> |
>be me > locked up for 2 years for driving under the influence of Oxy> going into an all black cell block, 2 other white guys in there are all tore up> fuck that. > look for the biggest black monster I can find.> spot him. 6'5\" build like Bautista. > \"let's do this\" I think. > walk right up there to him, yell, \"you! >he stands up, full head taller than me. I stare hi right in the eye. > \"I'll suck your dick on the reg, if you keep me safe.\" > spend 2 years on easy street,safe and sound no one fucks with me. Suck some big black dick. Who cares.<|endoftext|> |
>Think that everyone fucking >Therapist tells me this is a delusion and that if I don't believe>\"I don't hate you, I just wish things had turn out differently\"<|endoftext|> |
>be born >one shot at life >live in sweden >so far so good >parents name you svenjamin and thats where it goes to shit<|endoftext|> |
>friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel fucking euphoric, literally nothing can stop me>zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if>compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years>don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them>actually want to live my life, go out and have fun\n>don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future>drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self <|endoftext|> |
>Mother got extremely sick on Christmas>She gets hospitalized\n>Doctor tell us she will be here until Ha January 2>Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year\u2019s party at a friend house because I'll be>She tells me she is still going without me\n>I think to myself \u201cwell I don\u2019t want her to have a shitty New Year so it\u2019s ok\u201d>Later today best bro calls me\n>\"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>one chance at life\n>filipino <|endoftext|> |
>this was considered comically obese in 1990\n<|endoftext|> |
>played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister>all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling>mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin<|endoftext|> |
>Sitting at the bar >feel someone tap my shoulder >turn around and see a guy standing there with this weird smile on his face>he says \"got the time?\", but he is almost >I say \"sure\" and pull out my pocket >As soon as I pull out my pocket watch the guy belts out laughing, along with a large table nearby, full of people>before I can even check the time, the guy walks away to the laughing table and loudly says \"I told you it was a>one of the girls at the table says \"Who the fuck-\" but laughs so hard she cannot speak>I look around and see that there are other people in the place looking at me and some are laughing too>put my pocket watch away and try to go back to my drinks<|endoftext|> |
>run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta>instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it>tell him to use his \"powers\" to get my >\"ok\" >asks me to DM him photos of her\n>no word for a few days\n>kinda just forget about\n>2 days ago finally DMs me \"done\"\n>yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me>texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date>get scared realizing I've very possibly made an actual deal with satan>whathaveidone <|endoftext|> |
>be 27\n>virgin\n>girl I went to uni with a few years ago calls me>\"hey anon i'm really sorry to do this but I had a baby and I think>uh bitch that's fucking impossible we never had sex>\"what the fuck are you talking about are you serious\">start arguing\n>get a DNA test just to shut her the fuck up\n>it's positive <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>neighbour has heavily disabled son>outside gym master race\n>one day I\u2019m lifting and he\u2019s in the neighbors garden>I'm benching my 1RM\n>here a noise\n>look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head>now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on>mfw I now lift for him <|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i\n>we make a list of kinky shit we want to do in our life.>last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer>family and gf devastated >remember list >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on the list>gf wants to have sex in the sewers\n>mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway\n>sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me cum in her >shit was cash >moral of the story is >fuck the police >coming straight from the underground\n<|endoftext|> |
>feel bad for a lonely guy in my class>invite him to a cosplay event\n>he shows up dressed as Fred \u201c> Flintstone in blackface<|endoftext|> |
>instructions say cook from frozen\n>caok from chilled instead >cashier tells me to have a nice day\n>tell her I will >don't\n<|endoftext|> |
>My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a>Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister>So she calls me a pervert >There is no justice in the world... <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>Mexican\n>depressed and suicidal, but don\u2019t want my death to look like a suicide>realize that elections are\n>enter the race on a strong anti- crime platform, and say that I will pass laws to>a few days later, a nice cartel man knocks on my door and shoots me in the head<|endoftext|> |
>grow green\n>turn brown >refuse to elaborate further\n>leaves\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all >work is fucking boring as fuck >get new puppy >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy <|endoftext|> |
>be 12\n>want to order pay per view pom >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the pom >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse <|endoftext|> |
>Be Me\n>American\n>Internet\u2019s down ess > Bored>Go Outside most gun owners are>Go back inside\n>Get stabbed by wife <|endoftext|> |
>going to school >realise i forgot my bag\n>conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream>go into school bathroom and rape a girl<|endoftext|> |
>be me >24yo femanon\n>meet guy on tinder\n>he's super cute\n>possiblebf jpeg\n>have nice date in restaurant>go back to his place >\"do you do anal, anon?\u201d\n>surewhynot.jpeg >actually hate anal but whatever >it's uncomfortable and painful but mercifully short>after he comes i start talking about a second date>\"no offence anon but i could never date a girl that would let a guy do that\">mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me >japanese >living with a white family in the US { >pretty sweet gig honestly>call her a baka and tell her to get out\n>\"FOR THE LAST TIME ANON YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE YOU'RE JUST A>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be black\n>be at super bowl party last night\n>telling someone a story about a story from work about some crazy>I say \u201cwhat word? Nigger?\u201d\n>she then says \u201cyou're making everyone here really uncomfortable by using that word\u201d>I tell her I\u2019m the only black person here and I\u2019m telling a story>she say \u201cIDC I don't like when people use that word around me\u201d>her three beta orbiters then walk over <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>giraffe\n>eating leaves\n>watch the cheetahs race\n>go in for another bite of leaves down covered in leaves>monkey who was on the tree saw me\n>he says \u201cthis nigga eatin leaves\u201d\n>my whole herd laughs at me\n>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>total Chad >girls always checking me out>have a date pretty much every day>constantly getting new ink\n>only stay with a girl for a year at most before moving on>be a calendar >pic unrelated <|endoftext|> |
>recently single after very long \u2018 5 >only ever had sex with her>match with cute girl on Tinder >go over to apartment and go for a >we watch a movie and flirt a little but >she turns off the lights and randomly says \u201ctime for >we start to make out >get naked >she\u2019s a literal 10/10 perfect body >I am fingering her and eating her out >go to get condom and boner goes down >oh fuck >won't get hard >so nervous and uncomfortable my little buddy refuses >just finger her and play with her nipples >think she came but who knows >we lay together and she can tell im bothered >asks me what's the matter and explains that she >kisses me and we hold eachother tight >tells me about her ex >total fucking scumbag >tell her I've been having a rough time since my >she says \u201cI could get used to this\u201d >talk until around 2AM >cuddle all night but I can\u2019t really sleep >by morning I\u2019m completely in love >go to take train home and kiss her goodbye >she unmatches me an hour later\n<|endoftext|> |
>become most powerful man on earth\n>do absolutely nothing >Become the most powerful man on earth >See that the country is prospering >See that your in an era of peace >Don't spend money on military motions that are unneeded>Spend money for welfare, including starting a orphanage for girls>Devote time to raising children ment to be the best possible heirs>1800 years later >Faggot 4channers are mad that you didn't do dumb shit.<|endoftext|> |
>Be fit, tall, rich and famous Lill >Be married>Wife cheats multiple times\n>Wife publicly says that fit, tall, rich and famous husband can't fuck>Someone makes a joke about wife's lack\n>Husband laughs, but then punchs dude who made the joke because wife didn't like it>Husband acts like a huge white knight cuck with cheating bitch wife>He could just dump her ass and get any woman he wants, he's not exactly a NEET neckbeard<|endoftext|> |
>20 minutes ago\n>mum asks me if i have a bf>politely tell her no\n>she spends 10 minutes need a man>get annoyed\n>suddenly asks if I'm lesbian\n>tell her \"no\"\n>9 more minutes go by with the continued explanation of needing a man>if this were an anime I'd have steam shooting out my ears>can't take it anymore\n>blurt out I'm not a middle aged divorced woman who needs someone to feel>she stares at me blankly\n>she starts to cry <|endoftext|> |
>Wanna say \"Let's go\" and \"okay\">Said \"Let's gay\" >Got weird looks <|endoftext|> |
>Walk into your bedroom\n>You find Belle Delphine on your bed<|endoftext|> |
>trusted local man kidnaps his son\n>takes boy to motel and rapes him\n>the rapist gets caught by the cops\n>father goes to the local bars and find out when the rapist will be brought>local guy who worked for media lets >arrives at the airport and waits for cops to arrive with rapist>live TV crews also at the scene\n>cops and rapist walking through airport\n>pulls out a pistol and shoots his son's rapist straight through the head, killing him with a single shot>father literally assassinates his son's rapist on live television (pic related)>gets arrested\n>local community unanimously decides he's not guilty of any crime and is a hero>goes to court\n>judge doesn't convict him, only gets 300 hours community service>carries on and lives his life as normal, and is forever regarded as a hero<|endoftext|> |
>be lonely homeschooler in high school>watch anime to pretend i have frens>finish school, get warehouse job >we start playing dungeons and >dont really like the game just fun to hang out with people>first time playing since before christmas\n>forgot everything except my dice tray and spell cards>fuckssake.jpeg >one guy gives me a Set of dice to use and keep\n>dm copied some of my character stats\n>another guy gives me a new sheet to write them on>they all help me guesstimate hit points and inventory etc>mfw \"we need our cleric!\" >mfw finally have frens\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Playin Fallout >Come across a deathclaw >Had a sex mod installed for shits 'n giggles>Forgot I had it installed\n>Deathclaw fucking assrapes me\n>It has custom sound >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>hanging out with group of people I don't know very well>one of them asks about my scars >try to change the subject, but she persists >starts making obviously wrong guesses >did I fall off a bike, is it a sports injury, is it from rock climbing, etc>eventually snap and say I did them to myself >she says \"You mean you blame yourself, because if you were better at riding a bike you wouldn't have fallen>\"No, I mean I literally cut them into my arm with a knife\">she pauses and gives me a disgusted look >\"Yeah, obviously. I was trying to give you an easy out to save your dignity\"<|endoftext|> |
>fap all around my neighborhood, in bushes,>get noticed several times\n>\"Police are looking for a man aged 20-30, muscular>\"muscular build\" >tfw finally made it <|endoftext|> |
>be 10\n>watching Scooby Door\n>tfw Velma's sexy the blanket>feelssogood.png\n>feel a volcano erupting in my loins\n>shout SCOOBY DOOBY DOO as I cum\n>Start doing it on the reg\n>SCOOBY DOOBY DOO every time I cum\n>Mom thinks I really like Scooby Doo\n>Mom buys me all seasons of Scooby Doo for Christmas<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>depressed because dad is cheating on mom>mom mad all the time\n>friends feel distant >find zero >he makes me laugh and is really good >he makes me happy >thanks zero <|endoftext|> |
>be me >trying to set PR around some 5-ish k lap around where I live >running like a madman >but I might have overdone the pace >last uphill section coming up >cannot keep up, knees weak, arms spaghetty >halfway up the hill is a mother with her toddler coming down >decide that once I'm past them, I'll stop and walk the rest of the way up\n>don't wanna show signs of weak legs to complete strangers. As one does.\n>as I'm trying to jellyleg my way up past them, toddler notices me >\"Go, go, go!\" The lil\u2019 fella shouts at me >engage overdrive >increase tempo and blast up the rest of the hill >my legs substained by the cheers of toddler >complete the run home to make it PR <|endoftext|> |
>be you >pathetic redditfag >can't make original memes\n>steal greentexts from 4chan fuck you<|endoftext|> |
>be me >visiting America with family >go to restaurant for lunch >waitress assures my mom that the portions aren't excessive>get food >biggest plate of pasta I've ever seen >mfw I'm obese and even I couldn't finish more than half of it<|endoftext|> |
>Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath.>Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she\u2019s always running out.>Get a nanny cam that\u2019s hidden in a lamp. Get video of her fucking around.>Find out everything I can about the guy she\u2019s fucking.\n>lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold >Rework it so it\u2019s not retarded, impersonate him, >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy bullshit ghosts my wife.>Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my>It\u2019s time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them fucking. Next<|endoftext|> |
>Depressed teen >Tell parents >They somehow think fuckin 13 reasons why is the source of my>Fuckin lul >They just shout at me, disregarding my opinions, as per>wat do <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>play rust\n>meet a deaf guy 4 >tells me he gets bullied in school>we share loot and play together\n>one day he kills me calls me faggot and tells me he isnt deaf and im a pussy for getting bullied>mfw my only friend lied to me and stole everything <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>apply for light bulb assembly line job\n>no college\n>just two fast food jobs on resume\n>get to interview\n>job is actually to run the whole lightbulb >only the HR person at interview, other >HR person is showing me around\n>obviously has no idea how anything works\n>I just starting making up names for machines and processes>a couple employees say what they're doing so I vaguely know whats happening>interview ends, told I'm a top candidate\n>when lightbulbs start burning down houses, you'll know I got the job<|endoftext|> |
>be me >work at McDonalds\n>overworked\n>underpaid >not sure what's happening but the manager says we have a new sauce.>No big deal, we do specials all the time\n>manager looks worried\n>imchillman.jpeg\n>look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids>It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically.>all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer.>he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin.>\"hyngeh I'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!\">the ogre looks back to the crowd\n>\"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!\" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond\n>\"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>retard\n>never done drugs once in my life>friends and family all think\n>boss also thinks I show up high to work>nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just fucking stupid>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>mexican joins the server\n>turns on his mic\n>hear his mother yelling\n>baby crying\n>vacuum cleaner\n>\"CAAAAASSSSOOOO CEEEERRRRRAAAAADOOOOOOO\">police sirens\n>dog barking\n<|endoftext|> |
>Past four years been \"saving\" all my vacation days>Plan was to eventually have enough vacation days that I could<|endoftext|> |
>be 1 month neet after my job of a year>my only skill is videogames\n>think cooking is for girls\n>discover gordon ramsay >he's angry, but wise and understandable>start watching hall his videos >just made a pumpkin soup after his recipe and my whole family likes it and says good job>get happy that I finally did something on my own and that my family isn't angry or disappointing<|endoftext|> |
>go for a walk >walk into a store >get a carton of milk >go outside and open milk >walk around while drinking it >enjoying life >few people start laughing >keep drinking milk <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>finishing last year of med school\n>hardest thing I\u2019ve ever done in my life>super intense studies never really 445kBJpG Nad time for social life or grills>last day of class >all the disciplines gathers for final summit >meet random Indian girl >pretty hot for a street shitter >smalitalk.mp3 >she invites me to end of the year party at friends >fuck it why not >arrive at party >full of chad and becky medfags so party is boring >think about leaving >finally spot the poopy qt >she\u2019s actually really interesting >end up talking about vidyas and music all night >eventually tells me her parents still live in some >parents gave everything to get her to school >sadviolin.wav >fast forward a month >finally graduated >grill and I have getting more serious >we are both looking for a residency at any hospital >entire process is exhausting >India qt tells me she is going home to visit her >asks me to go with her >never been abroad and need a break from job >decide to go with >Airindia.gif >inside of the plane smells like a curry dumpster\n>finally make it to New Delhi >parents live an hour car ride outside of the city\n>landscape getting increasingly shitty >see people literally shitting in the streets >wild dogs everywhere >get to parents house >mudhut with no windows >qt keeps apologizing for the slum horror\n>introduce myself to the parents >typical India npc\u2019s but super nice >mom starts cooking dinner >dad constantly swearing and chasing off dogs that try to come in the house while mom cooks>tells me the dogs are huge problem >tells me locals round up and kill the female dogs to stop them from breeding>grossed tf out but shrug it off >mom announces dinner is ready >never had authentic Indian food so I\u2019m fucking stoked>mfw the mom brings out an actual lasagna\n>mom sees I\u2019m stunned and confused >\u201doh, anon, my daughter told me you're Italian\u201d\n>i'm sicilian but ok >don\u2019t want to be rude >to my shock the lasagna is actually incredible\n>mom explains how difficult it was to find the ingredients>I ask what kind of meat she used >\u2019oh it\u2019s from last nights dog slaughter\u201d\n>excusemewhatthefuck.jpeg >mfw I\u2019m eating street dog >mfw I\u2019m eating dog lasagna >mfw I realize I\u2019m literally eating bitch lasagna\n>bitch lasagna >T-series ain't nothin but a bitch lasagna\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years were still together>I propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes>about 5 months pass and it\u2019s our wedding day>do out vowels and everything\n>\"You may now kiss the bride\u201d\n>leans in to kiss her >she suddenly turns into dust\n>wtf.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well<|endoftext|> |
>walks out of bathroom after shower body.>tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off\n>she nods and fastens it before walking away\n>i go shower and forget about it\n>because im not some sick degenerate like you fucks. <|endoftext|> |
>feel bad for a lonely guy in my class>invite him to a cosplay event\n>he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface>he keeps screaming \"I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!\"<|endoftext|> |
>Asked mom that I wanted to fuck a girl\n>She said, you can fuck me, but only in the ass.>Start fucking mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a dick >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>sea turtle\n>chilling in the reef with my wife\n>have to move from reef to reef for munchies>chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive fucking jellyfish\n>holyshit.jpg\n>swim towards it as fast as i can\n>finally reach the jellyfish\n>take a bite\n>wtf\n>its plastic\n>die from intestinal bloackage <|endoftext|> |
>be me in the 4th grade\n>summer, cleaning the school yard\n>there's big nut-tree in the yard\n>classmates throw nuts in each other and have fun>one girl throws dirty nut in me and my white t-shirt is ruined>autism kicks in >imagine myself as Snake from mgs on the mission>sneak past the teacher who was looking after us\n>get a shovel without permission >dig out a big chunk of mud >yell out girl's name >she turns towards me >throw it at her >hit her face >she starts screaming and crying >everyone is looking at me >autism kicks in 2.0 >remember what dad often says when he argues with mother>say \"this is what you get for fucking with me, stupid hag\"<|endoftext|> |
>shitty film reference\n>gay dad joke <|endoftext|> |
>roommate asks me to drive him to I his dealer } >sure, I have nothing going on I >get in, start the car, put on>ask him to put it on\n>\"Why? Aren't you a good driver?\"\n>tell him it's my car and I want him to have his seatbelt on>\"lol fuck you man just drive\"\n>okay\n>get on the road, accelerate to 40mph\n>slam on the brakes\n>roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield>oh shit, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your fucking seatbelt on>he does\n>I turn the car around and drive us back home <|endoftext|> |
>Beme\n> Years ago. Still in womb.\n> Hear dad whispering nice poems.> Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3\n> Hear dad leave for work.\n> Black hose starts knocking against my head.> Hear dad come back and cry.\n> Hear mom beg for forgiveness.\n> Says he's staying for me.\n> mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me.> Cant let that happen.\n> Decide to poison her toth bloodstream\n> Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx\n> Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom.> Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.<|endoftext|> |
>gid friendzoned me >I stopped being her friend >no longer in the friendzone because we're not friends<|endoftext|> |
>fuck hooker >having sex doesn't immediately solve all my problems>he fell for it Got another one, boys<|endoftext|> |
> be middle school loner with no friends> close to summer holidays\n> all students were told to read the book> because school is inviting the obscure author of the book> he was the guest speaker during assembly\n> principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it> quiet, awkward silence\n> people were muttering nobody read it\n> felt bad for the author\n> told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions> one question after another, only I answered\n> author was happy that I knew about the details\n> school staff felt less embarassed\n> after assembly classmates started to make fun of me> called kiss ass and book worm etc.\n> got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 26 ma few years ago >little sister calls me to ask if I can buy Girl Scout cookies>buy two boxes of thin mints\n>idea.png >tell little sister I'll make her tons of money>tell her to let me handle everything\n>turn on my computer >I'm a fucking genius >start selling \u201cmystery boxes\u201d through the dark web>there\u2019s an estimate shipment date of 2-3 weeks for the cookies to arrive>I sell a mystery box for $200 a pop\n>End up selling about 60-70 mystery boxes in three days>tell my sister >she is super happy >feelsgoodman >sister sold the most and got some award>mfw I operated an underground cookie ring>mfw I got contacted by the local police for shipping all those boxes of<|endoftext|> |
>boss called a big meeting\n>starts yelling at everyone\n>don't care so let my mind wander\n>suddenly remembered ane something funny>can't control my laugh and start choking up>bury my face in my hands because I don't want everyone to know I'm laughing>suddenly everything goes quite and coworkers start yelling at the boss for \"making me cry\">boss ended up getting written up for berating me>suddenly coworkers are way more social with me<|endoftext|> |
>be king >my people invent something and present it to me>it's a \"camera\" >it takes \"pictures\" out of a tube>a tube >takes square pictures >wtf >hang country for witchcraft\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me, cat >sleeping from long day of being a cat\n>feel something cold on my head ae >wake up = i = >owner standing there laughing like a>look up >can of coke on my had >tfw i like pepsi more >mfw no pepsi <|endoftext|> |
>went to the store without a mask >cashier says i need one >\"I have a medical condition\" >cashier says 'I don't believe you, what is it?\n>'i have covid-19, so it's hard to breathe\u2019\n>cashier says \u2018oh ok then' >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>walks out of bathroom after shower body.>tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off\n>she nods and fastens it before walking away\n>i go shower and forget about it\n>because im not some sick degenerate like you fucks. <|endoftext|> |
>girl I know is nursing student\n>solid 9/10 >tells me she knows how to test for testicular cancer and can>tell her I learned in health class in high school and can do myself<|endoftext|> |
>wake up\n>feelin kinda depressed\n>google highest point in my county i >mt. whatever>drive 45mins to some trailhead >it's pretty cool. pretty windy tho\n>get back to my car as it's getting dark\n>chug hot Monster Zero Ultra that's been sitting in my center console all day>m,mmm sippy sipp\n>drive home feeling somewhat less depressed <|endoftext|> |
>Read 314 pages of terms and conditions>Clicked \u2018disagree\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live >sad, go to my room and lock the door >radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice >drew a pentagram on a piece of paper and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper>prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life\n>next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery <|endoftext|> |
>have somewhat stable social circle in uni>get along with this one grill\n>she gives me a book for >for some reason never open it >weeks go by, she keeps asking about the book\n>quickly look up plot summary on wiki so that I can pretend I'm reading it>she's visibly annoyed and angry, says \"you probably never even opened it\u201d>insist that I read it, our relationship slowly deteriorates>we get our degrees and don't stay in touch >fast forward six years >find book while cleaning my apartment >decide to read it >find a little romantic note inside about how much I mean to her etc>mfw book is pretty boring\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have a pretty shitty, boring day\n>feels sucky\n>go home\n>look at rock and mineral collection<|endoftext|> |
>be 14\n>have a best friend\n>plays vidya, talk girls, a genuinely good friend.>about a month ago his mom passed away>a week before his birthday his dad reached out to me>confusion.jpeg\n>\"hey anon, it's friendanon\u2019s dad, I know you too are pretty close and next week is his birthday, figured we>I agree\n>\"that's great, as you know ever since friendanon's mom passed away he's been pretty bummed out so I>wtfwhybutok.png\n>agree to help him out because friendanon is my best friend.>mfw his dad asked me to bring a can of tomato sauce\n>whatthefuck.exe\n>fast forward to his birthday party\n>we just hanging out, some friends and family there just talking and congratulating friendanon, pretty cool>friendanon's dad clears his throat\n>\"ehm so as you all know it's friendanon's birthday today, so for some time I've been thinking what would>friendanon's dad takes out a plate with pasta and red sauce, puts it on the table and puts on a gentle smile.>friendanon tastes it and begins to cry\n>turns out it was his mother's special recipe.\n>anon gets so excited and emotional he throws up\n>he's all shaking\n>his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy\n>there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti <|endoftext|> |
>be me, family over for Christmas Eve>grandpa comes over too, he's sort of a nerd and loves older comic>start watching Attack on Titan and hear a knock at the door>\"hey anon, whatcha up to?\", it's my grandpa\n>decide he's nerd enough that he would get anime\n>start showing him attack on titan and explaining lore and showing off figures i have>he looks super interested and smiles a lot and eventually leaves>mfw later overhear him asking my mom if i have any learning disabilities<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 8 at the time\n>playing in front lawn\n>dude comes up with a van\n>dressed in trenchcoat and wearing dark glasses>not knowing better say, \"sure!\"\n>he takes my hand and leads me to his van\n>driving around for a little bit\n>stops\n>gets out\n>back of van opens, a dog leaps inside\n>oh boy!\u2019\n>\"okay, thanks for the help, want to go home now?\"\n>\"yeah!\"\n>takes me home\n>telling parents about my adventure\n>dad rapes me <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be faggot <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Best friend decides to become a >Is the only person there for her >tfwyou'renotequippedforthisshit.jpg >She tries to kill herself and ends up in the psych >Is her emergency contact and pretty much her >Begs the nurse at the hospital to keep her in >They don't listen and let her out so you spend >The emotional toll from her behaviour pretty >Fast forward a few weeks and she has an >Acknowledges that you're a wreck rn >\"Sorry if I distance myself from you anon, you're <|endoftext|> |
>Show up in film industry when nobody was asking for you>Become highest grossing film of all time\n>Promise a million sequels and deliver zero\n>Leave >Show up a decade later just to cuck Marvel out of getting highest grossing movie>Leave again >Nobody remembers a single line of dialogue\n<|endoftext|> |
>yesterday decide to fuck my first >while she's riding me she ask if i >tell her i went from 145kg to 80kg >she look amazed and tell me that i'll look so good when i'll hit the gym cause i have a beautiful face>proceed to ride me harder\n<|endoftext|> |