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>be me >sophomore in highschool >1999 >picked on EVERY. FUCKING. DAY\n>always \u201chaha you're a faggot anon\u201d \u201cfuck anon he\u2019s weird\u201d \u201cget>then one day something happened >something magical >suddenly I\u2019m not so weird >suddenly people say \u201chey anon how you doing today?\u201d \u201cHey anon there's a party at chads house>mfw columbine improved my highschool life 500% because these normies thought I was gonna<|endoftext|> |
>Taliban is now running around with M4s decked in western-style operator gear,<|endoftext|> |
>go walking to a new gym by my house everyday>its raining . >cute /fit/ receptionist asks>\"y-yeah s-s-sure\" >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do\n>in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie>stand in the parking lot for a few seconds\n>\"are you okay?\" she asks\n>start sprinting away from her\n>sprint all the way to my house\n>never been to that gym again <|endoftext|> |
>be me 5'10 >at party chatting to 3 qts and a 61 lanklet>qts ask lanklet how tall he is\n>\"I'm 5'11\" bastard gives me the biggest shit eating grin>qts turn to me >jump in before they can ask me >\"that's not possible i'm 5'6 so you gotta be 5'9 at at most\">qts burst out laughing, lanklet starts spurting that he's actually 6'1>\"no way why would anon lie about being 5'6\" Dont fuck with me lanklets i can bring you down to<|endoftext|> |
>Be me black\n>Be Lightskin\n>See dumb post on twitter saying cops e shouldn't stop black fights>Respond saying thats dumb\n>Respond saying i\u2019m black myself\n>She asks for a pic of my arm with a piece of paper with my twitter name>Send her said picture\n>Get told that I don\u2019t look black\n>Respond saying i\u2019m lightskin\n>She legit says \u201cThen your not actually black, You have more white genes>Tell her both of my parents are African American\n>She says they aren't black either\n>She blocks me after. <|endoftext|> |
>pretend I'm Geralt >start mixing my protein shakes with strong alcohol like they're witcher potions>meditate in between sets >take notes of various creatures around the gym (roiders, hambeasts, lanklets, etc...) and their>try to haggle with the qt cashier for lower gym membership>loudly say \"damn you're ugly\" before lifts >lifts skyrocket >gains skyrocket <|endoftext|> |
>turn 23 next week\n>graduated college pre corona\n>got big plans for a career, send out applications to the top spots>family and friends wish me luck everyone is rooting for me>my 8th month living at home\n>3 rejected applications\n>unemployment pay runs out soon\n>going to have to put real career on hold and pick up some other job<|endoftext|> |
>be me >get banned from 4chan for 3 months\n>wack.jpg >unironically got a job >making some decent money and can pay for my own vidya ENS >actually met a girl and eventually we get>life is actually going pretty well >be 3 months later at work >realize that i've became a normie >decides to visit 4chan for old time sake >boss saw me scroll through some nsfw shit >gets fired >no more money >relationship in shambles cuz no money >at least i can post on 4chan again <|endoftext|> |
>sleep for 12+ hours >wake up at noon >refresh the same few websites over >do absolutely fucking nothing >quit after a few minutes because i >continue refreshing 4chan and youtube for hours >go to sleep feeling like a tired corpse even though i <|endoftext|> |
>be me il\n>cub scouts camping trip oe >its getting dark>scout master tells us to get woodn I > shit for a bonfire 131kBJp _ >gO about 20 feet away from camp>see the perfect stick >grab it\n>its a rattlesnake tail\n>too retarded to run away\n>bring it over my head and swing it in circles\n>the snake can't come back and bite me\n>shout for help\n>everyone comes\n>sees me using a snake like a lasso\n>kids laughing, adults shitting pants\n>tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can>hope it breaks its neck -\n>whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes\n>adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish (~~ >other kids think I'm hardcore\n>mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'11\" 260 pounds. >my life consists of Sp 0 cleaning out the trashcans>know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks>he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently>\"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that fucking weight so you>he died today <|endoftext|> |
> be me in high school\n>pretty good looking, but socially awkward, so no bitches>one day chatting with some asian girls>somehow the topic of chopsticks >want to make a joke about being too >Say something like, \"Nah, I can't use those, see how white I am?\">arms are actually pretty tan, so i pull my shirt up, because my chest is more pale>they all immediately stop laughing and stare at my chest>I realize they're starting at my abs\n>pull my shirt down\n>\"A-anon, show us how white you are again.\"\n>Suddenly have bitches <|endoftext|> |
>Your daughter comes out as a lesbian>Your daughter comes out as a lesbian <|endoftext|> |
>go to Christmas dinner\n>family tries to set me up with somebody>family dinner Alabama I presume<|endoftext|> |
>Be accepted at Uni\n>File form for student residency\n>See \"for the purpose of placing you, please check your gender:\">Male\n>Female\n>Non-binary SASSI >Check female, even tho that's not>Apply for the female dorm\n>Get accepted\n>Be the only guy in the women's dorm\n>basically got my own personal harem\n>it's that simple\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me 1 >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt>after we finish he eats a roach >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher>mfw when i remember that 12 years ago itold him that fact as a joke>mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 years<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating\n>ask dad what he dreams about\n>\"hot girls, anon\" >suddenly get erection for some reason\n>dont know what an erection is >go to bathroom to pee >rub my dick by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out dick and start rubbing it >orgasm >no cum cause 5 >mom notices and screams \"ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING\">gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what masturbation and erection are\n>mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>amateur MMA fighter\n>mostly just a hobby, do it to stay in shape etc. ' >also help train kids at the gym I>teaching 12-13 year old kid how to stand and hit pads, simple shit>kid has high-functioning autism\n>out of nowhere he looks at me and says \u201cHow high does the grass grow in Germany\u201d>Think it's just a weird autist question\n>\"I don\u2019t know, probably the same as here\u201d\n>About this high\u201d he then proceeds to give a full Nazi salute for 10 seconds>fuckingwotm8 I know you're on this website you little incel, I got<|endoftext|> |
>start a restaurant in the US\n>adapt the european system where the tips are already>profit <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >19 yo, 6/10 >Go out for Valentines Day with bestie of 3 years\n>9/10 >It's technically a date >Dinner and 50 Shades of Shit >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month\n>She loves it and we go for a walk >PULL OUT 5GUM: TRUTH OR DARE, pack >Her wrapper says to take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >I read mine >We laugh it off but I remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at tho?>Look at the mirrored base >Show her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads her the other part of her wrapper >\"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next you?\"\n>\"This one right now\" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum <|endoftext|> |
> be middle school loner with no friends> close to summer holidays\n> all students were told to read the book> because school is inviting the obscure author of the book> he was the guest speaker during assembly\n> principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it> quiet, awkward silence\n> people were muttering nobody read it\n> felt bad for the author\n> told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions> one question after another, only I answered\n> author was happy that I knew about the details\n> school staff felt less embarassed\n> after assembly classmates started to make fun of me> called kiss ass and book worm etc.\n> got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school<|endoftext|> |
>Wake up looking at ceiling\n>Can't move in>Starts dancing on my chest\n>Utters these exact words \"I MAY BE DEAD, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE>Start laughing\n>He laughs with me\n>Kisses me on my nose \"See ya again, buttercup!!>Wake up with mv pants covered with semen <|endoftext|> |
>crashing on couch at friends house>trying to sleep\n>hear him talking on phone in other room>he farts loudly >'did you hear that baby?\" >'you like it when daddy shits himself?\u2019 >'no im naked so it went ALL over the chair\u2019 >'not the same one from fajita night last week. My >quickly get up and leave >go home and take 20 boiling showers >still haven't replied to any of his texts or calls\n<|endoftext|> |
>female coworker makes a joke at my expense about something I can't control (being bald)>I make a joke back about something she can control (being fat)>she goes home early and everybody is mad at me>broke up with gf a few weeks ago (I ended it)\n>coworkers were talking about their exes (working with women is Hell)>Ha ha, good one. Didn't you have a miscarriage because you're so fat?<|endoftext|> |
>walking home from a party late one evening\n>several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by>try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as shit>eatch me in some random student neighbourhood>oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent>\"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and>guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten>\"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!\u201d>all three of them draw rapiers on their belts\n>guys run >'I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale,>spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics>bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it>stagger home completely drunk with a hat <|endoftext|> |
>college student\n>Comes home for summer 6~I >Cleans old high school room so it>finds old flash drive from when I was in middle school>Plugs it in\n>Finds shit ton of pictures of a little boy naked and posing>Wtf\n>Realizes the kid in pictures are younger me\n>Finds word document\n>\u201cHello anon, glad to see you again. Take these pictures and sell them online to make bank. It's not>Destroy flash drive >Crinae so fucking hard\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>21\n>super straight male\n>get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole>actually kinda enjoy it otherside moans>it's a guy's moan\n>realize ive been sucking a man's cock this entire time<|endoftext|> |
>be me >Tuesday at school >it\u2019s 5th period and I\u2019m bored as >turn to my friend and say \u201cdon't >next day I get called into the >start talking about how they think I\u2019m dangerous >mfw May 2nd is a fucking sunday <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in>every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut>give delivery guy a different \u201cchallenge\u201d every time they bring a pizza, with a>always make them america-related\n>start easy. draw an american flag for 5$\n>slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on>\"recite the preamble for 20$\"\n>\"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$\">etc etc\n>this goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a>yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident\n>wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers>some of them left a pizza\n>mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get>mfw it's got an american flag on it and a \u201cget well soon\" card with signatures from the entire<|endoftext|> |
>Go to the doctor for physical\n>Have to see female nurse practitioner, because regular doctor>Are you sexually active Anon? >Smiles I didn't just mean recently >Give her blank stare\n>She immediately transitions to somberly questioning me on my mental health<|endoftext|> |
> be me; white kid\n> live in stralya; status quo \" > make sure ground-harness is strapped D > go for walk> niceweather.png\n> walking down this narrow path\n> black guy was jogging behind me, so i move to the side to let him pass> without even slowing down or looking at me, he goes, \"much obliged my nigga\" and keeps jogging> mfw a black guy called me their nigga <|endoftext|> |
>be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf\n> jokingly say \u201cif I win you're giving me a handjob\u201d> beat her because girls can\u2019t game for shit > celebrating.ogg > \u201canon do you still want that handjob?\u201d > holup.mov > I didn\u2019t think she would take it seriously but fuck yeah> whip out my dick > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a blowjob > fuck yes > stop her before I\u2019m about to bust > ask if she wants to fuck > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then> we start fucking (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee <|endoftext|> |
>tell her I'm a virgin\n>not actually a virgin, have had plenty of sex>but when she thinks it's my first time, she's very gentle and>when I act all amazed when I touch boobs \"for the first time\u2019, it actually feels more special to me>I love how caring she is and how she takes the lead if she thinks she's deflowering me>when I finish, she cuddles with me and calls mea good boy<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>gay retarded 4 yr old still not potty trained>fucking obsessed with trains\n>grandmagetsidea.jpg >holyactualfuck.gif\n>potty trains in less than a week\n>gets to go on train\n>loudly asks grandma if everyone else on the train pooped too<|endoftext|> |
>be me >22 yo >overweight beta loser >decide to fuck it all and get my life in control>get new clothes >go to the gym >sweat dripping off me >can't feel my legs >a couple of chads walk by >hear one of them say to the other\n>\"What a fat loser\" >He's technically right >I am losing a lot of fat <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >teach grandma what cringe means\n>fast forward months later >I show her the meme I made\n>She calls it cringe <|endoftext|> |
>start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable>half the screen is going to show a videogame\n>title of the youtube video: \"REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTAS Bank Heist Mission\">you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say shit like \"yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have>pause the cutscene every now and then and say some shit like \"back when i hit the bank, the cops>your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies>then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life>before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison>enjoy making more money than all of us <|endoftext|> |
>working at McDonald's >*autistic kid appears* >screams all the time : CHICKEN MCNUGGETS>wants a happy meal with nuggets\n>gave him 5 instead of 4 cuz of my kindness>he noticed >*autistic screeching* >wanted a new one with only 4 nuggets <|endoftext|> |
>go to buy some weed\n>dealer invites me up for dabs\n>tells me \u201cjust a heads up I have a gun out\u201d>walk up to his apartment\n>don\u2019t know what to talk about, ask him what type of guns he has>\"uhh I have a 9mm pistol I don\u2019t know the brand\n>take a dab and buy my weed I\u2019m just now realizing that it was a threat, not a<|endoftext|> |
>walking with my boyfriend >we walk past these sorority looking Kardashian clone looking>I ask my boyfriend if he finds girls like that attractive>His fucking response: \"if I could attract girls like that I wouldn't be with you\">He refuses to apologize >I tell him if he doesn't take that back he's not getting sex>He just shrugs and says \"ok\" >Still isn't saying sorry <|endoftext|> |
>My sister laughed at me saying that i have an ass like the>A girl once pinched my ass while >On highschool excursion i had to find whores prostitutes in the middle of Athens>Bro, dont take this the wrong way, but you have a nice ass>A hot girl i was flirting with once said that i have a better ass than her, and then grabbed it with both>A drug detective said that i should never EVER go to jail, even the guards will want a piece of my ass<|endoftext|> |
>have somewhat stable social circle in uni>get along with this one grill\n>she gives me a book for >for some reason never open it >weeks go by, she keeps asking about the book\n>quickly look up plot summary on wiki so that I can pretend I'm reading it>she's visibly annoyed and angry, says \"you probably never even opened it\">insist that I read it, our relationship slowly deteriorates>we get our degrees and don't stay in touch >fast forward six years >find book while cleaning my apartment >decide to read it >find a little romantic note inside about how much I mean to her etc>mfw book is pretty boring\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, be 27 years old >Girl from my college wants to try mutual masturbation together>I'm totally caught off guard, I haven't jacked off in about a week>I decide to jack off before I go meet her, so that I don't ruin what might be my only sexual>Zoom ahead a few hours >She jacks me off, it is primo shit, absolutely rad\n>I cum a HUGE PILE OF JIZZ >I say \"Shit, sorry, that's way more than I expected\u201d\n>she responds \"I was expecting a lot more\" >I look at her and say \"You watch too much hentai, dude.\"<|endoftext|> |
>Someone asks to see the book I'm>I hand it too them and ask them to be>\"HUH?\" they dumbly reply as they open the book as wide as they can, cracking<|endoftext|> |
>Be you\n>Reddit Fag\n>Looking for some juicy morsels for r/greentext to raise your karma by 10 like>Post this one faggot. I'll be watching. <|endoftext|> |
>Be me, selling coffee at a stand in the hospital>suddenly he starts talking hebrew (it's isreal here im a kikeanon)>tells me about how he and a bunch of other guys in some soviet union won 20 agaisnt 100, how he>amm ok here's your coffe\n>asks me to punch his belly, i heistently do so\n>it's hard as steel, dude atlest 60\n>he reachs for a handshake\n>grabs my thunb between two of his fingers\n>grip is fucking STEEL, he says \"see? Broken\" and laughs>he walksaway <|endoftext|> |
>be me >homeless >produce house music Feels Goodman.jpg<|endoftext|> |
>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump>pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence<|endoftext|> |
>be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends>be sending some memes\n>accidently send a meme to mom\n>shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes\n>now we send memes to eachother almost daily\n>never been happier all my life >pic related <|endoftext|> |
>be dad >Have gay son >Ok still love him it's 2022\n>Meet his BF from >Just know\n>Fuck wife >Break down crying midsex <|endoftext|> |
>have cat >cat wanna be pet\n>petting makes cat happy\n>i'm happy <|endoftext|> |
>really hot girl in class\n>decide to work up the courage to speak to her>\"H-hey.. c-can I borrow your pen for a second?\">realize I dont even have >shes staring at me >My mind is racing what to do >Draw a penis on my hand >give her back her pen and walk away\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me > You are now me\n> Have fun with you terrible life <|endoftext|> |
>friend sends me ig test >okay ill do it > finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >i do the test again knowing answers\n>get 73 >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>visit france\n>they use \"le\" unironically <|endoftext|> |
>have pain in heart \u201c1 >feels like bad back ache>take blood pressure 190/120\n>go to hospital\n>\"you had a heart attack, anon\" intake of Krispy Kreme's by 50%?? y\u00bb >beme<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19\n>gets called cute, funny, smart\n>both my roommates are women\n>they wonder why I never had a gf * >never felt ready<|endoftext|> |
>have office job\n>boss tells me about new employee>meet her >she asks my name i ask her >her name is \"candice\"\n>think if gonna get pranked\n>say \"yeah haha candice dick fit in yo mouth\"\n>she looks disgusted\n>says \"ugh\" and walks to boss' office\n>writing this at my desk, am i fucked? <|endoftext|> |
>this shit is my jam, green chile on >tall white dude comes up to my spic ass\n>\"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how.\">\"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure.\"\n>neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him>\"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out.\">\"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude.\"\n>\"No problem.\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>girl I know is nursing student\n>solid 9/10 >tells me she knows how to test for testicular cancer and can>tell her I learned in health class in high school and can do myself<|endoftext|> |
> be 14 y/o me\n> find 4chan\n> everyone calls each other autistic and gay> \"this is stupid\" > ffw 3 years > realize I'm gay > ffw another year > get diagnosed with autism > mfw > I'm home bois\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me > shoot porn occasionally > fuck some hot chick > she has a husband, but whatever we sex\n> cameraman is a stoner, kinda weird but good at his job> husband hears rumors, tries to catch us in the act> hear he has found out where we are\n> oshit.jpeg > we hide while the cameraman tries to save the situation> \"sorry, but your princess is in > he buys it >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>played jazz sax >could reliably hoop a free throw >ordered fried chicken on every Airforce One flight\n>almost lost his job over some phat white ass Was Bill Clinton the first black president?<|endoftext|> |
>on date with qt boy\n>we get indian food\n>he orders chicken korma with rice\n>\"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots\">\"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums\">\"i've never seen that\"\n>show him the video\n>he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom\n>ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him>\"there's no one in the bathroom, miss\"\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me femanon\n>regularly donate blood\n>blood has probably been given to a guy at some>basically touched a guy\u2019s boner <|endoftext|> |
>Scamming lying asshole now I n my country <|endoftext|> |
>be me >live on second floor >want a drone so bad think theyre cool\n>dad buys drone >wants to surprize me >he comes with the drone to my window\n>im jerking off >see drone >start fucking screaming >dad starts screaming >crashes drone >what to do now\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me > 18yo > first blow job > feelsamazing > cums buckets in her mouth z > she swallows EIN ee > your cum tastes really bad anon> haha I know What have I done<|endoftext|> |
>hey guys it's critical >today we are taking yet another clip from my live stream of me watching a youtube video that somebody else made>also, for comedic effect, I will stretch the image on the youtube thumbnail for the billionth time>please laugh\n<|endoftext|> |
>parents wanted to give us similar names>twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from>and they named me fucking LAROLD\n<|endoftext|> |
>moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair<|endoftext|> |
> Be me Oo > Goes downstairs to the condo's> 9/10 girl on one of the treadmills\n> Says hi besides her> She's perfect: 1.60m/ mid to large boobs / brunette> We're both running and share some glances\n> She finishes her exercise\n> Smiles at me before leaving and says \"goodbye\"\n> feelsgoodman.jpg <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n> 24\n> go to the park with my nephew and my niece> let them do their dumb shit while keeping a keen eye on them.> Creepy guy in his 30s presumably comes up to them.> creepy dead eyes\n> hairline is fucked\n> fat cunt\n> they aren't to far off so I can hear their conversation.> \u201chey do you two like animals?\u201d\n> They're kids so of course they say yes.\n> \u201coh nice I work at a zoo and I work with all types of animals.\u201d> I call out to my nephew to come to me.\n> I say \u201cMake sure that fucker doesn\u2019t do anything over the line\u201d> He nods\n> Before he reaches the creepy guy I hear the creepy guy say to my niece> \u201cWhen you're in high school, the boys will be all over you. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two> grabs her waist\n> Nephew gives me a look\n> I immediately run to the fucker and grab him by the neck and slam him down.> \u201cwhat the hell are you doing? I'm going to call the fucking police on you asshole\u201d> punch the cunt once\n> knocks him out\n> people gather around\n> police arrive and arrest him\n> my niece asks me what he meant by the high schoo! thing> \u201che was talking about math and how all the boys will help you with it\u201d> she asks \u201cokay then why did you punch him\u201d\n> \u201cit's my job to help you with math not him\u201d And that's really it. If you guys see any people like<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before>decide to have a kickback at my >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there>she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is normal since we're pretty close>solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was>I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down>kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back>we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms>texts me the next day to tell me that she\u2019s had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too>I tell her the same thing <|endoftext|> |
>start watching Episode 1 >immediately turn off show and leave negative review online<|endoftext|> |
>I-I used to be a millionaire you know! >It w-was in t-this thing called crypto currency! It was the future!<|endoftext|> |
>be a fren in a discord server >a non fren there >the non fren is super toxic and makes me sad>playing league of legends like always in discord group>pretend to laugh at all toxic non >he's feeling good >starts being toxic towards enemy team >i laugh and say over voice >now is the time i strike >'call their adc a nigger\" >he laughs and calls them nigger >report him after the game with a support ticket\n>next day in discord >he is freaking out >his account has been perma banned >he had a beta account and had the retail skins\n>non fren deleted\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me 215 QoQ >My friend group decides we are all>Can't think of anything to say >\"Anon, its your turn\" >Panic >Dumbidea.jpg >I say \"You have a nice ass\" >Everyone starts laughing >mfw she genuinely looks happy to have her ass >Mission succeeded <|endoftext|> |
>Senior year\n>Perfect plan\n>Me and my friend\n>We start fighting in the men showers>Kick, punch and push each other all the way to the womens>Burst inside\n>Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize>Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop<|endoftext|> |
>girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught>gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far>wants to see me more often now >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free?<|endoftext|> |
>be me, have a pretty hot girlfriend >use snapchat a lot with her, she\u2019s basically the only person i snap>send her a picture of myself with a boarder of black hearts>turns out i accidentally sent it to a friend i >mfw >minor inconvenience\n>gUYs I Am AuTlsTlIc <|endoftext|> |
>specifically designed to kill Jedi>not even one Jedi was killed by it<|endoftext|> |
>be me >playing black flag on ps5 >really like black flag >wife comes in >starts watching tik tok after tik tok >hour goes by >she looks at tv >Im in an epic ship battle >anon you should do something more productive with your time\n>leaves room <|endoftext|> |
>be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil\n>they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me.>the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >\"depressed\" 12 year old\n>decide i want to kill myself\n>family planning to go to the beach>prepare my final plan >get to beach >go inside water >scream \"goodbye forever\" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded\n>mfw I'm probably retarded <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>on airplane fe >3 muslims are sitting in>two of them get up and\n>as one passes me, he says \u201csoon we will all see allah.\u201d>he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran>he ended up converting 12 people to islam<|endoftext|> |
>Be black ved >Be on phone with bank to try to get>Have best white voice on\n>Going well, looks like it's going to go through>\"Well, what had happened was-\"\n>Fuck\n>Pause on other end\n>\"It looks like it went through, but please be advised that we may not be able to do this for you in the future.\">\"Th-thanks\" That was a close one.<|endoftext|> |
>Be American in 1800's >Don't know jack shit about trees Se >Ask the Aussies to supply some Ssva>vyvy<|endoftext|> |
>be me, just an average white guy >go to visit my grandpa >tell him I have a gf >show him picture of her >he gasps and then smiles, patting me on the back\n>\"you're dating an Asian woman? She's beautiful anon!\u201d>grandpa\u2019s all excited, weirdest I\u2019ve ever seen him\n>\"come here boy, let\u2019s have a talk\u201d >sits me down on the porch and cracks open an Arnold Palmer for me and himself>proceeds to tell me about all of his sexual experiences in Vietnam>admits to fucking a dead Vietnamese woman with his buddy>had an orgy with 7 Vietnamese women at once\n>admitted to fucking \u201cat the very least\u201d 100 Vietnamese women during his time in Vietnam>apparently has never told my father about these things and to quote \u201ckeep it between us\u201d<|endoftext|> |
> be me\n> have bl3 pre loaded on console\n> day before launch, cant sleep > spring out of bed > grab controller > manually roll forward date on console to 9/13 BI3.exe> still won't start <|endoftext|> |
>seeing some girl recently\n>go to her house to fuck her again\n>while we are cuddling ask her what's on her mind>tells me that she likes me\n>tells me how she likes to kiss me,hold me, how she likes me eyes, my laugh, the>we don't fall asleep until 5am\n>leave her house around 7am\n>keeps saying she doesn\u2019t want me to go\n>driving back to my place the feelings hit me\n>tfw you\u2019ve been emotionally deprived for the first 19 years of your life>tfw you thought you would end up alone and a loser but you managed to turn out just fine>tfw you realize you aren\u2019t alone in this world\n>tfw you matter to someone <|endoftext|> |
>be 22\n>start dating blonde. 7/10\n>shes quirky but fun\n>dat ass >second date >go to her place\n>shewantstheD jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >she stops me, wants to roleplay\n>blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold >orazy bitch is shoving 3 - 4 plastic horses into my asshole\n>she says my condition is \"stable\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of>at a school party >everyone\u2019s dancing, I just >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face\n>autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds>then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can>next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by>mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad>take that stacy\n<|endoftext|> |
> >Be me, southern european, went to the US to Colorado>In supermarket >Buy Beans, lots of fresh leafy greens, carrots, tomatoes, onions>Go to cashier >She has her nails polished, curly hair, little fat>\"You eat healthy hun?\" >\"No\" >\"What do you mean, this looks pretty healthy\">'This is just normal people food\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off\n>the girl that hit me is hammered\n>call 911 because she has a massive gash on her head>she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other\n>she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill>reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup\n>turn left >a car heading towards me >I swerve out of the way holding my son >I wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago\n>but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >I ask what happened to the driver >she died <|endoftext|> |
>Be me. >Go for a walk because I\u2019m not a shut in virgin.>Walk by trailer park for some human entertainment.>Girl comes running up to me. >Tells me her dog is dying and she needs help.\n>Fucker jumped in the pool and didn\u2019t know how to swim.>Luckily I'm an EMT in training. >Grab big ass golden retriever out of pool. >Pretty sure its dead. >Give the dog CPR. >He's not responding but I keep at it. >Girl calls 911. >Turns out they don\u2019t send ambulances for dogs.\n>Just before I'm about to carry it to her car he starts coughing.>Throws up all over me. >Girl comes running over and hugs dog. >His tail starts wagging. >Girl thanks me. >Gives me a hug. >Tells me she'd kiss me if she didn't have a boyfriend.>Respect her relationship and leave with my head held high.<|endoftext|> |
>new neighbors just moved right > LS, im >they tell me to not use WiFi \u2018Gemeie ) because their son has WiFi<|endoftext|> |
>at a party >sitting alone and petting dog because aspergers.jpg>cute 6/10 with nice tight bod comes i > \u201chehe are you more of a dog person than> \u201chehe a holes a hole to me\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>chinese surveillance system checking peolpe on>scans guy\n<|endoftext|> |
>meet cute girl >we're talking about anime >she asks for recommendations\n>recomend scat hentai as a joke\n>blocked before I can even explain <|endoftext|> |