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>beme >in highschool > accidentally bump into girl in the hallway\n> she says \"ew\" > mfw this happens on multiple occasions\n> mfw they aren't even trying to be mean, <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 28 year old Texas fag\n>live in Corpus Christi\n>love it here but city has a bad homeless problem>last week find a hobo walking through grocery store parking lot in morning>strike up conversation and befriend him\n>offer to pay him $200 if he helps me move furniture out of my house in Austin>he agrees\n>I don\u2019t have house in Austin\n>we go to Austin, ~4 hour drive\n>he gets out to use bathroom in gas station in random ghetto>I leave him and drive back to corpus <|endoftext|> |
>working in a high end restaurant>chef is hard ass german>decide to fuck with him>bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it>snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500>service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven\n>they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven>chef walks into the kitchen >\"VAT IS ZAT HISSING\" >try to contain my laughter as kraut chef opens the oven door to see melting>kraut chef starts yelling \"WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT>entire dining room can hear him\n>kraut chef never found out that it was me<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 27\n>amazing kind girlfriend\n>she has autistic 31 y/o brother\n>bit odd, really loves trains, MTG, and Roman imperial history>mostly non verbal recluse now has fellow nerdbro to shoot the shit with>parents love me\n>\u2019anon is so good with him! He really goes out of his way to be his friend\u201d>literally just vibing with dude\n>don\u2019t feel the need to check myself when I go off on my fixations>am I autistic, /b?\n<|endoftext|> |
>hyper military based society Sy >tries to convince itself it's the>loses <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>talk to cute girl\n>I'm totally into her\n>seems like she's into me as well\n>ask girl out >okie dokie, moving on >later hear from mutual friend that girl was wondering as to why I gave up so easily in trying to pursue her<|endoftext|> |
>grandpa has stroke and falls down the stairs>suffers brain damage and left side of body is paralyzed>can never walk again and has to use a wheelchair>mom is worried that his brain will >he goes to treatment center for recovery\n>couple of months go by >it's father's day >my parents and I go to treatment center to see grandpa>grandpa gives wrapped gift to my dad >dad opens it >it's a porn magazine <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do>notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe\n>Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor\n>\"NASA uses Eyefish lence\" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and shit they write>my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy>Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group\n>Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months\n>Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat\n>Mfw top excuse is \"NASA uses eyefish lence\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>be american\n>internet is blocked\n>bored >go outside >get shot <|endoftext|> |
>be me >lonely little shit\n>had a few close friends but we kinda>for the last few years had 0 friends, no love life, no resemblance of a genuine>got a job last year, am 24 now >its right next to one of the old friends job (she's a bartender, let's call her Marie)>i go to marie's bar after work one day (didnt know she worked there)>start going to marie's bar pretty much every day after work for a cup of coffee>life's not as monotone >one of marie's friends starts coming in too>let's call her Nina >me and nina hang out at maries bar every day after work, banter, coffee, just>ff a bit >one day us 3 are all there >me and Nina had a few drinks, marie cant drink at work>me and nina go out for a smoke >as im pretty drunk i just blurt out sometime, just the two of us?>she says yes >ff 4 weeks >me and nina are now dating >heard nina say the words \"my boyfriend\" when talking to someone>\"my boyfriend\" >feelsgoodman >ff a few more weeks >nina says I love you while we're on a date>been a lonely piece of shit all my life\n>took 24 years but i finally feel loved <|endoftext|> |
>windows 7 that hasn't been updated >download pirated games from russian sites monthly>watch porn daily >do all my banking on the same computer living on the edge<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>10 years old\n>my mom just bought a cat\n>very cute and smol\n>black with white paws\n>fast foward 12 years more depressed>no matter how depressed I got I never cried\n>always felt like I had no valve to release my sadness\n>cute smol cat is now cute old cat\n>has always cheered me up to see her lying in my bed\n>would die for her\n>one day cat starts to behave different\n>doesnt eat, always tired\n>drive to vet\n>she has a kidney disease\n>vet told that she doesnt have long\n>after that it gets worse\n>I decided to euthanize her so she can go in peace\n>after the euthanasia I sit in my car\n>started crying for almost 1 hour\n>all the feelings inside me bursted out\n>really felt good <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>watch breaking bad for the first time\n>decide to try meth because they make it look and sound too delicious>get addicted\n>lose friends, family, gf, basicallt Is there any way i could sue the producers>decide to try meth lol you fucking idiot<|endoftext|> |
>be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet\n>live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the>kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead end \u201cacting>parents, and i basically take care of >love him like my own son, he calls me papa >son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier>start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him\n>son is great at academics, gets As >start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together>work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him >now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year >parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day >wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time >sister is still struggling with her \"acting career\" (son calls her auntie Imao)>son is coming home for christmas >can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college >almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life<|endoftext|> |
>be me > 18yo > first blow job > feelsamazing > cums buckets in her mouth z > she swallows EIN ee > your cum tastes really bad anon> haha I know What have I done<|endoftext|> |
>be me >watch witcher with GF >Geralt takes of shirt >GF suddenly disappears somewhere >finally I have some alone time and can fap to this handsome fella<|endoftext|> |
>have you tried melatonin >have you tried sleeping pills? >it's because you drink too much >you just need to stop worrying >if you'd get on a routine\n>if you'd go to bed earlier <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Sore throat\n>Go to doctor for checkup\n>Tonsillitis.jpg\n>Need to get tonsils removed\n>Knocked out for operation\n>Wake up high af\n>Nurse tells me I can have as many iceblocks as I want>Stay in hospital for a few days eating mostly iceblocks and chicken>Finally leave hospital after recovery\n>Later surgeons\n<|endoftext|> |
>Create Reddit account >Notice my arms start to get chubbier >Panic as my stomach begins to bulge >Waddle towards the door >Fingers are too fat to grab the handle >Body is getting fatter >Hair begins to grown on my neck >Clothes start to rip apart and fall to the floor >Skull starts to reshape, creating a fedora like form atop >\"Mom help me!\" >Mom enters the room >\"Anon, what's going on!?\" >\"I'm... I'm a big chungus!\" >Mom bursts into tears >I'm now a redditor <|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'4\" 103lb straight guy>forever alone in \"friendzone\" because of my>6'4\" bear at work says he'll take me out for dinner because he can tell I'm down.>fast forward end of night I'm sucking his dick and he's telling me how hot I am>Never in life been told I'm hot <|endoftext|> |
>be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n shit for a bonfire>go about 20 feet away from camp\n>see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles>the snake can't come back and bite >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso\n>kids laughing, adults shitting pants\n>tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as! can>hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me>other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on<|endoftext|> |
>be me \u00a7 > dating girl> she reads Cosmo article about kinky d things to do in bed>\"1 - Give your partner's penis a sexy >I oblige > next day > things start getting steamy > hands rubbing everywhere > she is breathing heavily >I ask what nickname she wants to use\n> she calls my dick \"The Impaler\" > \"Tell me what you want baby\u201d > \"The Impaler. I need the Impaler! Give it to me!\"\n> she's breathing even heavier now > diamonds.jpeg >I start fucking her > her body is wriggling all over the place\n> cum within a minute > I roll off > her body goes limp > her breathing stops > realise I misheard what she was asking for\n> it turns out she was asthmatic > I'm the reason she died... <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together\n>Neither of us have GFs >Fuck each other because it's better than masturbating\n>Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we fuck our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say \"no homo\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>\"depressed\u201d 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family getting ready to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >gets to beach >goes in water >screams \"goodbye forever\u201d >throws AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >mfw my family are laughing at me for being retarded\n>mfw i probably am retarded\n<|endoftext|> |
>have gf >shes an autistic medical student >be autistic econ degree who posts on 4chan\n>she loves science and examines bacterial samples for fun>buy her a microscope for her birthday >we have sex later >cum on her stomach >\"wow anon that was great but i need to get up\"\n>think she didnt like the sex >she just wanted put my semen on a microscope slide>shes standing there naked examining my sperm under a microscope>we spend an hour examining my sperm and using stats to determine my fertility>she gets aroused by the sperm density >have sex again <|endoftext|> |
>get gf into powerlifting and martial arts to share my hobbies>she gets into it, but also starts doing athleticism>makes me run and cycle with her >today she made me run around >tomorrow she wants to jump off a bridge with me and swim to the other side of our local river>I'm really scared and I don't want to do it, but I will because I don't want to lose her respect<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all >work is fucking boring as fuck >get new puppy >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy <|endoftext|> |
>don't own a car >walk to store >buy weekly groceries for $50 vs>buy car for $40,000 >buy insurance for $1500\n>pay $200 a month for gas\n>buy $120 costco membership\n>go to costco and spend $45\n>\"woah I'm so good with money, I just saved myself $5\" <|endoftext|> |
>Meet female friend (not gf, but I do have a mild crush on her) ina>decide to pay for both of us, because I have a well paid job>after we meed a few times she tells me she doesnt want me to pay for her, she>she wants to pay for me too instead\n>when I refuse and tell her she no income while I make 2.5k every month she gets pissed>well paid job >2500 a month <|endoftext|> |
>read the Iliad and the odyssey >decide to try living like the ancient 4 - >start eating lots of lamb,>sun my balls every day >start training more compounds, especially >start growing a beard >listen to meditterranean music >drink only cheap red wine >refer to myself in the 3rd person as \u201czorba\u201d >lifts skyrocket >interest from women skyrockets <|endoftext|> |
>mexican joins the server\n>turns on his mic\n>hear his mother yelling\n>baby crying\n>vacuum cleaner \u20193Keype _ WWWWRRRRRRIIINNNG>\"CAAAAASSSSOOOO CEEEERRRRRAAAAADOOOOOOO\">police sirens\n>dog barking\n<|endoftext|> |
>behind a slow ass fucking faggoty hearse in traffic>tooted my horn\n>eventually pulled up next to them at lights>child sized coffin >went home feeling like a fat piece of shit <|endoftext|> |
>go into Boots to buy toothbrush >see Stacey I went to school with working behind the counter>hatch plan >pick up a box of Durex Extra Large\n>she'll think I have a hung super cute bf\n>walk up to counter >not sure if she recognizes me >pay for the toothbrush and condoms\n>as i'm walking out the door, I hear her whisper to her co-worker>\"I think that tranny has a big dick\"\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me P >30 y/o now de : >grew up without a father \\ >mom used to make me dinner>begin to model my life after him in my 20s>have this thing where i ask myself \"what would mr hill do\" when important decisions come up>generally works out for me\n>saved me from some costly mistakes thru life\n>dedicate myself to working hard through my 20s\n>had plenty saved before covid\n>multiple high risk factora like asthma\n>able to go on extended leave without much to worry about>just bought a propane grill <|endoftext|> |
>go on tinder date last night >seemingly normal girl >decide to go get coffee pretty late >sit down >I ask \"so what do you do for a living?\" >\"so I actually don't have a job right now because advocating takes up a huge part of my time, I'ma<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19\n>gets called cute, funny, smart\n>both my roommates are women\n>they wonder why I never had a gf * >never felt ready<|endoftext|> |
>be from ukraine >unironically use reddit >war is shit and stuff >make a picture of my morning view with ukrainian breakfast,>it gets removed for being >the entire subreddit is just about the war\n>99% of the people are westerners just talking about russia all day>they give each other awards for saying \"Fuck Putin\u2019>these people dont give a shit about ukrainne\n<|endoftext|> |
>Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight?<|endoftext|> |
>dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram\n>6 months later says \"I think I'm gonna buy a new truck\">whatthefuck.jpeg\n>\"why you just got a new one\" >\"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever\"\n>says I don't understand vehicles\n>tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't understand why<|endoftext|> |
>In a gym bathroom\n>Brushing my teeth for whatever reason\n>finish up, spit water out >Violent loud sound >Like a thousand balloons rubbing together >Everyone stops and looks at >Nervously try to play it off >Casually say \u201cSqueaky clean boys.\u201d >Walk out of gym bathroom >Wake up\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >charming enough for girls to hang ' out with me>not charming enough for girls to >aware enough to realize that i >autistic enough to keep having in-depth conversations with her in my head<|endoftext|> |
>superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass\n>take their wallets >repeat <|endoftext|> |
>be 17 in high school\n>used to crush on this girl in English class pretty hard>talk to her casually in class, never try anything>say hi to her and friends all go \"oo00000000!\"\n>one of them jokingly says \"this guy must have a huge dick since he's hitting on your right in front of>crush looks at me giggling, \u201cis it ttue Anon? Do you have a big dick?\">dontfuckthisup\n>\"Nah, that's just a rumor\"\n>Laughter stops for a second then turns into nervous laughter<|endoftext|> |
>walk by the den one day\n>computer is within view of the door>dad is on the computer, doesnt >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images>can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other porn sites. He's viewing them all>chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women>dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash>\"anon, just what the hell is this?\" >\"...well, I can tell you what its not.... a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs\u201d>dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room>mfw >never speak about ethier incident again <|endoftext|> |
>he preordered?\n>slash the development budget\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be in preschool >Uncircumcised >Kid notices in bathroom >Later that day in a group with other boys and girls\n>Kid says my pee pee is different\n>Other kids want to see >Show them >They want to touch it >why not >Let them >They pull back my foreskin repeatedly and touch the head\n>Feelsgoodman.jpg >My pee pee gets bigger >One of the little girls screams >Female teacher comes over >ohshit >The kids' parents are informed <|endoftext|> |
>Buy fake prop money off Amazon>Looks real as fuck >Last night >Go to strip club >Pay for entry fee and drinks at >Spend all night drunk and paying strippers for private lap dances>It's dark and their drunk/high so they don't check to see \"For Motion Picture Use Only\">Spend over $4,000 in useless money in one night\n>All the strippers love me >Get to touch their boobs and asses >Feel like Chad for one night >Only costed $9.99 + tax <|endoftext|> |
>2 years ago \u2014 >watching movie with (at the time) \\ e- >scene where the main character>she looks at me and goes \"it must be weird to kiss your best friend\">\"yeah i guess\" >20 minutes of complete silence >she says \"i gotta go\" >she leaves and we never spoke again <|endoftext|> |
>be me 15 >Parents don't give a fuck about me, I have nothing to do, so I spend most of my time>One day at skate park, piss off some older dudes, my friends bail on me and I get>They take my wallet and snap my board\n>I'm walking home head hung low, ripped shirt broken board>Friends qt older sister is driving by and sees me>Pulls over >\"OMG anon what happened\" >We get there, she whipes blood off my face, starts telling me how mad she is that those>Starts to massage me >Boner activated >Hey anon why dont you take a shower and clean up your scrapes>I agree, she brings me to the bathroom, starts undressing me, her hand brushes on>Giggles, \"ooh anon, a little excited are we?\"\n>Tells me to get in the shower, tells me she'll be right back>Im washing off, see the door start to crack open>See eye peering in at me >Feeling bold, \"why dont you come join me you little slut\">Voice booms \"don't mind if I do!\" >Her dad runs in and fucks the shit out of my ass and then leaves me broken on the<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>learn about rule 34\n>if it exists there is porn of it>look up alien porn >mfw i just proved aliens <|endoftext|> |
>year 2020 >trump is re-elected\n>immediately declares war on Vietnam>Vietnam war 2.0 >be rice farmer in Vietnam >start hearing Lil Yaughty playing in the distance to the sounds of rotary engines>helicopters start flying over me >Gucci gang starts blasting from the helicopter speakers>whole fuckin area around me gets napalmed\n>choppers drop off enemy troops >get smoked by a 17 year old with a pickle Rick sticker on the side of his helmet>he does the Fortnite dance over my body then yeets me into a bush<|endoftext|> |
>Soldier posts on Facebook his exact location to his friends and fellow>Redditor posts the image on Reddit for updoots>Russian scrolling through the subreddit gets confirmation that Ukrainians are using>Russians shell every abandoned school in the area, massacring everybody<|endoftext|> |
>Be KIWI >BE A TASTY FUCK\n>FEEL LIKE FRESHLY SHAVED. PUSSY>BE GREEN LIKE SHREK\n>FULL OF VITAMINS\n>HEALTHY AF\n> TASTE OF ANGELS CUMMING IN YOUR MOUTH>FUCK ORANGES >Be ORANGE\n>BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS MOTHER FUCKER>FEEL LIKE ADAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE>BE ORANGE, LIKE A FUCKING ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS NIGGER ON THE>TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY>FUCK KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY NIGGER FRUIT <|endoftext|> |
>\"The biggest importer of Quebec maple syrup is the United States, which buys more than 60% of<|endoftext|> |
>make rigged casino\n>make it so slot machines have a 0% chance of paying out>make it a progressive jackpot worth millions upon billions of dollars>finally after all this time someone finds a >comes time to pay out but dont have nearly enough to do so, this scenario was never planned for, has to pay by>forced to sell the casino and everything in it\n>NOOOOOOOONOOOO0O0NNNNO00000000000C YOU PLAYED THE SLOT MACHINE WRONG YOU<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be horny\n>want to stick my peepee into girl peepee>brightidea.webm\n>match with qt3.14 mexican girl\n>she does not speak english\n>use google translate to woo her\n>ff a week\n>we hang out\n>things are getting hot\n>use google to ask her to suck my peepee and if we can have sex>it works Thanks google<|endoftext|> |
>fixing notebook for a ~70 years old lady>comes, pays, asks about gaming tier GPUs for her desktop>little took back I inquire about the price range and what games,>nope, I play the Assasin >Assassin's creed? >yes, on my grandsons console, I just love Venice>she pauses >and killing people <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>think i'm an incel\n>realize i've never actually tried to seduce a girl>which makes me single by choice,\n>get Tinder, start watching pua shit\n>take care of myself, start having hobbies\n>ask some girls out\n>get rejected\n>now I'm officially an incel how do you do, fellow social retards<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>was actually going to an hero>decide to jump off bridge nearby my hometown>i turn around and see a pizza guy walking toward me telling me not to do it>yeahwhateverhearditabilliontimes.mp3\n>see he has tears in his eyes\n>tells me that he lost his brother to suicide years ago and hes always felt like he>actually pretty moved by his story, i have a little bro>invites me into his car and offers me the pizza he has>drives me back to his home after calling his boss and telling him about the>all the while he's shooting the shit and cracking me up, really chill guy>we get to an apartment downtown and he offers me to stay the night>open the door to his roommates drinking beer and playing mario kart>laugh and game with them\n>next morning we part ways and he gives me his phone number and tells me i can>bus home, tell mom and dad i was out with friends<|endoftext|> |
>be me , >sad and depressed>mom comes over\n>she makes pancakes >be me >loser working dead end job barely enough to pay rent>no friends, dont talk to co workers >depressed >mom comes over every week to cook several days worth of food and restock groceries>cleans my place >never asks for anything <|endoftext|> |
>first day of class\n>get to class early so im one of the first people to sit down>sit towards the back\n>four stacys walk in a few minutes\n>in the sea of empty seats they choose 4 seats all situated near me>all of them introduce themselves to me <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>neighbour has heavily disabled son>outside gym master race\n>one day I\u2019m lifting and he\u2019s in the neighbors garden>I'm benching my 1RM\n>here a noise\n>look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head>now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on>mfw I now lift for him <|endoftext|> |
>Talking to 2 girls at the same time on tinder>Similar attractiveness\n>Girl one: how come you've asked me my phone so early? You're>Aren't you bored of using this app? I thought you'd ask me for my number but you don't seem>on tinder\n<|endoftext|> |
>Liberals have stupid ideas >Not making the McRib a full time menu item is a stupid idea<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>neighbour has heavily disabled son>outside gym master race\n>one day I\u2019m lifting and he's in the neighbors garden>I'm benching my 1RM\n>here a noise\n>look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head>now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on>mfw I now lift for him <|endoftext|> |
>\"sure, mom >*quits ranke <|endoftext|> |
>See's my sister getting ready >\"going out?\" >\"Yeah, the Bae is coming to get me\" (she fucking used Bae.)>\"Oh i'd love to meet him, have him come in!\"\n>sister brings bf in our house >my dad pretended he was in the bathroom.\n>he was in fact, slipping into something more comfortable>he walks out with my mom's bathrobe (giant fluffy white collar, about 3 feet to short for>his speedo on. The speedo he never wore because it was way to tight, yet he saved it,>walks out >\"OH YOU MUST BE JUSTIN\" >reaches out for a handshake >kid grabs his hand >dad yanks him over and bear hugs him\n>\"Ohhbh your hair smells nice, what is that? Olley?\">kid is horrified >\"uhhhh...no...uhhh...c-can we go babe? we might be late\u201d>they leave >my dad just looks over and says \"Do you think that was legal? My balls are hanging<|endoftext|> |
>implying white people never had their own N word<|endoftext|> |
>Fat with skinny legs is not a good look. It's usually an early sign of liver failure>It's usually an early sign of liver failure I've literally never seen anyone refer to someone<|endoftext|> |
>Little sister is a loli >(pictured) >She enters your bedroom one night\n>\"Oh Brother, I wish to bear your children!\"<|endoftext|> |
>another dream about being a rockstar beloved by billions>another dream about being an iron-fisted dictator reshaping society to my ideals>another nightmare where that fucking hellish monster is chasing me while I have to collect the>carl from jimmy neutron is there for some reason\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>post on 4chan /b/ everyday\n>end up on youtube and see pewdiepie video titled>watch video of pewdiepie\n>realize all his 9 year viewers probably decided to come on 4chan>mfw all they saw was porn <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >playing video games on Sunday >comfy as hell >very invested in game >\"Oh shit, I stayed up all night playing video >panicking as I think about another exhausting day >look out window >turns out that it's just the mushroom cloud from a >crisisaverted.exe <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19 >amateur MMA fighter witha >I'm very athletic and I'ma >be 5'6 >every girl i know is taller than me >no one likes short guys <|endoftext|> |
>don't live with mum >she sent presents to me >filmed myself opening them to send to her to make it like iam there>accidentally sent a dick masturbation video in with the present videos<|endoftext|> |
>birthday is on new year >family forgot >friends forgot >sad >nintendo emails me happy birthday>feel better and play some smash bros<|endoftext|> |
> be in middle school English period> was told to write a word starting with the letter \"g\" and many> my turn\n>mind started to race as I feel judgmental stares\n> wrote \"Gobbledygook\"\n> classmates laughed\n> teacher said, \"Don't make up words, anon\"\n> everyone mocked my vocabulary for the rest of the day> went home and found dictionary\n> next day showed it to the teacher that it exists\n> rather than explaining it to the class, teacher replied, \"Stop being a sore loser.\">mfw <|endoftext|> |
>finish cigarette >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>28, live with wife\n>wake up in the morning to the smell of bacon and eggs>walk downstairs to greet my wife\n>she smiles at me\n>happiness\n>go over to medicine cabinet\n>hear my beautiful wife humming in the background>take my meds\n>2mg risperdal\n>turn to wife\n>she's gone\n>start cooking bacon and eggs\n<|endoftext|> |
>Girl looks at me >The image of me is now pulsing through her neurons>Technically am inside her\n>Later virgins\n<|endoftext|> |
>like dungeons and dragons, other 4 >try to join gaming groups>some of the boys always fall in love with me>I must claim her pussy for my own!!!\n>it ruins the group even when I do nothing via simping and infighting>other guys actually blame you for this somehow <|endoftext|> |
>really fucking love eating my girl out>love hearing the sounds she makes - >one time realise she makes a>the sounds she makes vary in pitch, I can make her make specific noises at will>try to play the Darth Vader theme on her\n>almost got it >she snaps out of euphoria the second she figures out what I'm trying to do>mood killed instantly >she doesn't trust me down there again >tfw I'm not allowed to eat pussy anymore <|endoftext|> |
>be me at 15\n>share pc with family\n>dad screams at me\n>beats me up because I \u201cinstalled a virus on the pc\u201d>look at pc >it's the windows 10 update\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake>kids actually believe it's weed and buy some>mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more>one day called up to principals office\n>there\u2019s a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I\u2019m making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he>mfw they can\u2019t do anything so they send me back to class<|endoftext|> |
>be me >lonely >have cat >find out cats like back scratches\n>give cat back scratches >cat loves it >cat now follows me around and I give the good scratch>I love cat >cat loves me >I feel loved >not lonely >yes\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >have memory loss >get a gf >everything is good >get drafted for the military >my girl is waiting for me >serve my time >over my time in the service I forgot I had a gf\n>go on living life as normal >grow my hair out and a beard >decide to visit my hometown >go to the local pub >meet a really nice bartender girl >she starts telling me how her husband is in the military\n>tells me she's lonely >icanfixthat.jpeg >we head to her place >fuck like rabbits >finish up and pass out >next morning she's making breakfast\n>as I'm laying in bed I notice a picture\n>it's her and her husband >examine it closely >it's me without my beard and long hair\n>everything suddenly comes back to me\n>I just fucked my own wife >I just cucked myself >forget about it two weeks later <|endoftext|> |
>sit down to watch my boyfriend play\n>he's a healer <|endoftext|> |
>Senior year\n>Perfect plan\n>Me and my friend\n>We start fighting in the men showers>Kick, punch and push >Burst inside\n>Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize>Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop<|endoftext|> |
>be a student >your retard roommate bakes a cake >\"hey anon, want to try a slice of cheesecake I made?\u201d -3\n>accept the social opportunity for eating cheesecake >2 hours later >phone notification go brr >'Lena added a new cost for you: 1.74\u20ac cheesecake\u201d\n<|endoftext|> |
>be aussie\n>buy boomerang for home defense>needs more danger\n>attach knives to it >really big knives >night falls one day\n>someone breaks in\n>hop out of bed in my kangaroo jammies\n>grab kniferang\n>catch the two stealing my giant spider collection>throw boomberang\n>slices off both of their heads\n>wait how am i gonna catch it\n>it's about to hit me\n>my spiders save me by shooting webs at it>spiders take dead bodies for sustenance\n>go back to bed in my kangaroo jammies\n>realize now the spiders have the kniferange>no one should have that power\n>not even me\n>burn down house\n>nothing remains but warped metal <|endoftext|> |
>have 6/10 bf\n>he's really nice and thougftful so it's solid 7/10>sex.exe regularly\n>sometime he wants me to put this on,\n>don't think much about it, maybe just what he likes>until one day he murmured \"Rose\" while sleeping after SeX.exe>wtf is he cheating me?\n>ask him directly who is Rose? he admits it's a 2D character I wear her costume all the time<|endoftext|> |
>be me GS >highschool junior>5\u20198\u201d 200Ibs small muscles aw >decide to get fit>better diet >get pneumonia the day after\n>push through\n>lose 2lbs in first week\n>motivated\n>celebrate with a cheat day and a trip to the movies>gain 3lbs from snacks and popcorn\n>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>Claims Snow White is offensive\n>Refuses to elaborate >Puts seven of his fellow dwarf L actors out of the job<|endoftext|> |
>go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a porn-star>answer in accordance to what you want your porn-star to look like>profit\n<|endoftext|> |
>got my brother's spare key because we live a walking distance>we buy the same kind of bread because that's the same one we>he's a man of schedule, goes >always hated how irregular my habits are >decide to be a shithead for no reason >get a bag of bread on the same day he's gone shopping>toast the entire thing and put it back in the bag\n>wait until it's time for brother's walk >take my bag of toast and sneak in with my keys\n>know where he keeps his bread, switch the bag of bread with the bag of toast>toast two slices of bread to make the whole house smell like toast>escape once they're done\n>make sure I left no mark in the house, touch >make it to home, start gaming\n>25 minutes later I get a text <|endoftext|> |
>be me >post true greentext about jacking off into my sisters panties>gets on reddit >sister is redditfag >fake laugh and spaghetti all over >make up excuse about violent diarrhea before leaving>return all stolen panties >mfw this makes it on reddit too <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Live in China >Have a birthday cake addiction\n>Go to store every week to buy cake>Cashiers start to recognise me\n>One cashier eventually questions why I keep buying birthday cake>Tell him I have lots of kids and they all have birthdays around the same time>Cashier gives me funny look >Confused.jpg >Mfw the one child policy <|endoftext|> |
>name is Richard\n>dad used to call me \"Dick\" as a kid\n>one Saturday invite friends from elementary school to spend the day at>friends have a good kek at my expense\n>since that day they start calling me Dick too\n>one day at school best friend accidentally calls me \"Cock\">friends jokingly refer to me as Cock since that day\n>other classmates pick up on this and start calling me Cock too>figured this was just an elementary school thing\n>it wasn't\n>for the entirety of my middle/highschool years, I am known only as \"Cock\" to most of my classmates>attended a highschool reunion just before the coof\n>turns out some of my old classmates didn't even know what my actual name was>they still refer to me as Cock to this day This is my name now, I guess<|endoftext|> |
>foreign guy at work walks up to me and points at my arms and says \"tattoo?\">I say \"what?\" >\"tattoo? >\"uh, no, I don't have any.\" >'very nice. very good. me neither\"\n>walks away\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me, playing WoW >play on asian servers because NA >2 Chinese players bully me >type \"June 4th 1989, Tian an Men >Both disconnect\n>mfw I just sent two inncoent children to a Chinese Labor Camp and got their whole family executed<|endoftext|> |