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>be me\n>or not be me <|endoftext|> |
>kanye kicks everyone out of the band>\"there's only one direction\n>tfw it's west\n<|endoftext|> |
>be felix kjellberg\n>be talentless, unskilled collage dropout hotdog seller>upload your stupid face to some video streaming website while>worth tens of millions just >collage Who's the uneducated one<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in college\n>talking to qt3.14 kites > run out of topics>decide to lie to keep >tell her I have a goldfish pond in my backyard>wutdafuqms.jpg\n>\"That's so cool, you think I could come see it sometime?\">howdidthatwork.png\n>exchange numbers, realize what I've done>go home and promptly dig a goldfish pond and fill it with water>get necessary items from pet store (filter, plants, goldfish, etc.)>pond is fucking amazing\n>go to contact girl\n>girl never responds to my calls/texts\n>3 years later I'm still taking care of 14 goldfish in my back yard>one has had babies and two more are pregnant>mfw the goldfish are having more sex than me<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 23yo, shy cunt >spent three years in a toxic >ex dumped me for some swaggot >apparently ended poorly (who would've thought?) >texted me some time back that she missed me >left her on read and moved on, still feeling a >ran into her at local market today >she came up to me (even though I did my best to >tries initiating conversation >something inside me gets ignited >\"I'm sorry, do I know you?\" >she's confused and goes \"are you fucking kidding, >\"Ooh, shit, I didn't recognize you! THAT'S what >I walk off without saying anything else to her >saw her walking out bawling her eyes out >I feel closure and empowerment, anons >I think I'm ready for the dating scene again <|endoftext|> |
>Try to start a Youtube >Post every day >30 days in >Embarrassed about my videos\n>only viewer is mom <|endoftext|> |
>/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the >go to post it >put this stupid picture of this fish in a >file was too big\n>lost the story <|endoftext|> |
>9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under>forget I'm not on the internet and almost say \"why don't you piss in<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>edgelord troll when im bored\n>usually shitpot on /pol /b and /r9k to have fun>be a couple of days ago >shitmypants.jpg\n>they say they got an anonymous tip concerning something I posted on the internet>know the anonymous tip doesn't exist because I only shitpost on 4chan where nobody knows my>know my edgy posts are fake so I could answer their questions and clear my name>they ask me something about a shed\n>realize this is about an edge posting bender I had some days ago where I mentioned my shed was full>don't even have a shed let alone a single gun so let them snoop around so they realize they're wasting>they apologize for the inconvenience and leave Anons, we're not really anons in here<|endoftext|> |
>Minecraft was released 10 years ago>2011 was 10 years ago\n>the last Naruto episode was 4 years ago>I was young 10 years ago\n>I had friends 10 years ago\n>parents were healthy 10 years ago\n>gramps were alive 10 years ago\n>The world was so beautiful and brimming with life 10 years ago<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>move to Britain\n>get job op q >get paid in GBP = >goodboypoints??>goodboypoints.\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money\n>everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself>mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street>ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings>tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars<|endoftext|> |
>get a call from random number\n>\"Greetings, am I speaking to mister anon?\">\"Yes\" \u00bb >'We would like to inform you>wait until they finish >\"I'm sorry I couldn't quite hear you\" >they are forced to repeat it >do this for about 4 times >finally say \"Sorry, I am not interested.\" >hang up <|endoftext|> |
>'Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards<|endoftext|> |
>male\n>5 ft 4\n>indian\n>near sighted\n>negative canthal tilt\n>recessed chin\n>balding\n>janitor career\n>hooked nose\n>skinny fat with bad gynecomastia\n>cant grow a beard. Only patches\n>poor\n>no friends/no siblings\n>crooked teeth\n>forward head posture\n>small penis\n>pencil neck\n>high functioning autism <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in private school\n>super small only has about 50 students>all normies who have never lifted life>wait in back of gym\n> other team takes out all of my team except me It'stime.jpg> plug headphones in\n>start blasting doom soundtrack Rip&tear.jpg>take first ball\n>rip it into first nerd\u2019s face\n>break his jaw and knock out teeth\n>kid starts pouring blood and crying\n>other kids are screaming\n>start ripping balls randomly , shattering teeth and cracking ribs>after the last kid gets knocked out I get restrained by teachers>throw a hook into teacher\u2019s face\n>hear bone crack\n>get kicked out of school\n> not allowed to teach ever again\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it>me: \"so is this actually good or just overhyped\">me: \"i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes\">him: \"pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man\"\n>me: \u201cno seriously i bet there is.\u201d\n>him: *awkward silence and a weird look*\n>we start the movie\n>1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery>followed by basketball and rap\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>{et outyourteat >ilfe fs flashing thraugh your eyes >nut all over everyone >yourlast words are \u201cshit? <|endoftext|> |
>never ask anyone out\n>never get rejected\n>basically irresistible haha who's the chad now<|endoftext|> |
>Took me to the gym >Encouraged me to go out and get exercise even if it's just walking the dog>can't lift shit at first but progress becomes noticeable>enjoy the walks through nature with my pup\n>dad encourages me to do martial arts >join MMA gym doing mostly Muay Thai >pretty much addicted to it >love the pain >changes his eating habits to help me get used to new healthy diet>losing fat fast >gaining mass fast >confidence through the roof >every milestone he gets excited with me >no longer depressed >he tells me he's proud of me <|endoftext|> |
>download [game] >go [out] (FAME >[commit crime]>go home >play [game] >post it to reddit\n<|endoftext|> |
>look >HEY look guys look >those idiots are walking out >pffft morons obviously haven't seen a marvel movie before>omg guys this is it >holy shit >wow is that Thor with his cock in Dr. Strange's mouth>I can't wait to tell everyone on r/marvel >you guys do realize how much better we are than everyone else for waiting on the post credit scene>pull all your dicks out guys let's jerk off to it while we can<|endoftext|> |
>\"Rey.....Rey Skywalker\u201d Absolute garbage. I left the theater after I heard it<|endoftext|> |
> Mom's friend's daughter comes to stay with us while see is> 19 yo qt with long black hair > One day we are alone at home\n> We are watching videos, Robocop\n> She stops the movie and says she has something to show me> Puts in another video, smiles and press play\n> Porno. Never seen a porno before, don't know why she is showing me this> Tell her to put Robocop on again\n> Watch Robocop in silence\n> Awesome movie <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>23 year old male\n>poo fetish\n>usally order the goods from websites specialised for this>moved to detroit recently\n>couldnt take the poo with me\n>ordered new poo online\n>package didnt arrive\n>ask ups they say it has been delivered\n>wtf?\n>check security cammera\n>some porch pirate stole the fucking package\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>Be me 21\n>At food store to get food >Go up to cash register >7/10 q{3.14 working >buy food >iry to say \u201cThank you\" >MFW autism strikes >She responds \u201cYou Too >We realise we are both autistic\n>she Is now my gf of 2 years <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>4th grade\n>bring 3 sharpners to school\n>friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners\n>bring 3 more sharpners the next day\n>friend gives me his sharpner to grow my\n>start collecting more and more sharpners>go to stationary every week to by more sharpners\n>collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month\n>start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner\n>english teacher asks for a sharpner\n>offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed\n>sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents\n>only allowed to bring 1 sharpner\n>idea.jpg\n>make a huge sharpner out of cardboard\n>dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint\n>display it on my table during the english period\n>get sent to the office <|endoftext|> |
>be me 10 years old, it's 2001 in >playing in the street with my good >the road is a hill & my house is near the top\n>woman comes speeding down road so we all scatter & call her a bitch>she lives half way down the hill & parks at the side of the road>gets out & calls us little shits etc. & goes inside\n>one day I notice some keys outside her house & because I'm a good boy I knock her door to give>she doesn't even open the door, just tells us to fuck off her property>get an idea\n>wait until night time, unlock her car & let off her handbrake>car begins to roll down hill & we all run away\n>car picks up speed & goes straight into a house at bottom of the road>all shit our pants but go home & deny all knowledge>police come & arrest woman as she's really drunk & accuse her of leaving handbrake off>never got in trouble for it\n>be nice to kids\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me Oo >kissless virgin>have crush on qt3.14\n>she\u2019s really quiet and a little awkward like me>ask her out like the autist that I am\n>she says yes\n>happiness.mp4\n>great time at prom\n>drop her off at her house\n>lean in for kiss\n>success\n>fast forward a few days\n>kiss her again and this time she hugs me back\n>very tender hug\n>realize she really likes me Feels good man<|endoftext|> |
>be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n >see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults shitting pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can>hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me>other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on\n<|endoftext|> |
>Playing MMO >Walk up to rando\n>Start jumping >They jump too <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>recently got back in touch with cute goth girl I used to know in HS>both liked each other but never got together>we are hanging out in her bedroom\n>she's flirting a lot and we start making out on her bed>bout to have the sex\n>I'm completely naked and she\u2019s in her underwear>hear her front door open\n>freaks out and makes me hide in the closet>her mom walks in\n>she talks with her mom for a bit while I hide in the closet>her mom asks who owns the clothes but she says she bought them>\"I'll put them in the wash, you should never wear things you've just bought>her mom takes my clothes and washes them>still hiding in closet\n>mom asks her to help her pick up her little brother from football>they both leave and lock the door <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>20y/o\n>family was talking about cars\n>\"yeah i still don\u2019t get why the exhaust continues to release smoke when>family stares in shock smoke for the engine to work\u201d>mfw i thought cars were boosted by the smoke released from the exhaust<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves\n>Massacre 14m innocent POWs >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral\n>Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes\n>Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>recently broke up with gf\n>feel sad af\n>try online dating\n>meet this girl online >ask her on a date >date a few times, kisses n stuff\n>one day after going out for dinner she asks me to come at her place for coffee>gonnahavesex.jpg\n>she tells me she's into bondage\n>accept, not really my thing but I guess I can try\n>tells me to close my eyes\n>i do\n>feel her tying my hands\n>places a blindfold on my head\n>bed begins to shake and creak\n>wtf.jpg\n>feel a cold breeze hit my face\n>i can smell a strong scent of pinewoods\n>remove the blindfold from my eyes\n>mfw i'm about to be sentenced to death with other prisoners>mfw i turn around and see todd howard running away while removing his fake wig>mfw i'm now in skyrim <|endoftext|> |
>Goes to prostitute >\"Alright honey what do ya want? >I-I was wondering if you would come see a m- >\"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker >\"So you want me to suck ya cock in the theater?\" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me <|endoftext|> |
> be me > hanging at mcdonalds > see two gorls sitting near by > 8/10 and 6/10 respectively > 8/10 gets up to go to the bathroom > showtime jpg > get up from my seat and lock eyes with 6/10\n> approach her head on and sit down in her friend's seat\n> start rapidly shovelling 8/10's fries into my mouth > 6/10 is too shocked to do anything > when all the fries are gone I go back to my seat and resume eating my meal > 8/10 comes back and sees her fries are gone, starts yelling at her friend > you bitch why did you eat all my fries > it wasn't me it was that guy! She points at me > her friend just straight up doesn't believe her > accuses her of lying and walks out of the restaurant > 6/10 still sitting there, staring at me dumbfounded > casually finish eating my meal and leave > know she'll remember me for rest of her life > mfw girls think I'm unforgettable\n<|endoftext|> |
>eating sandwich at the beach >skipping stones >watching the sunset and thinking about life\n>throw sandwich into ocean >bite rock <|endoftext|> |
>loves roblox and minecraft\n>yesterday he was running around the house singing something>watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill ime with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say I'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feals like shit >tum 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brothers old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named \"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANONIII\u201d >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >tum around and see \"HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY\u201d built with blocks\n>under b-day message is a sign >sign says \"happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD\"\n>fucking cry for hours\n<|endoftext|> |
>have pubic lice (crabs)\n>no shampoo works\n>decide to get some fire ants and place on pubes to fight the crabs>they scrap for a bit strongholds on the opposite ends>to the north lie the wiley crabs of pubendorf\n>to the south lie the barbaric fire ants of fort scrotum>one morning notice a fire ant on horseback riding towards the crabs stronghold>look closer\n>its a fucking threaty of alliance <|endoftext|> |
>beme > Canadian wy > go to school> dont get shot\n<|endoftext|> |
>opens a can of Bud Light >gently massages protruding beer belly just aint>begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the >cheers as his favorite negro catches the football we had some>asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no>hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n'>blames Jose for all his problems >dies of a heart attack at age 58\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >have a kid at 18yrs old >at first gfs pregnancy is meh\n>she bitch alot >deal wit it until kid is born\n>kid borns, it's the most horrifying event to watch>kid is all good, be happy :) >now I'm 22, kid is about to turn 5 at this xmas>me goes to doctors cause bad prolonged headaches...>get diagnosed with brain cancer>mfw >try to tell 4yr old why dad is not going to be around>he does not understand >I make sure that he will be ok\n>I love that little mf, he is my life, the only good thing I ever>I only have about 6 to 10month if lucky>Good Bye greentexts and anons :\u2019)<|endoftext|> |
>live in a bad part of town\n>work at a grocery store\n>always give hobos the food the >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them>no one ever asks me for cash because they know I'm broke>am known as the \"sandwich man\" because I usually make sandwiches for them>last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear \"AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAW!\">4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me>he ran off after they came and they chased after him>follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground>one called the police and they arrested the guy\n>was told \"if anyone fucks with you sandwich man, we got your back\">mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told<|endoftext|> |
>your ex-gf accuses you of breaking into her home, assaulting>police immediately arrest you and . charge you with burglary and>your parents get $150,000 in debt trying to hire a lawyer and post your bail>people are convinced you did it and you have no alibi to say otherwise>your mom suddenly finds a selfie pic you sent her that was dated at the time of the assault>turns out that pic clears you of all charges since it placed you away from the scene of the crime>your ex-gf gets off scott-free with no charges for lying while you had your life ruined<|endoftext|> |
>Be Redditfag >Read r/greentext >Have lots of laughs >\"I wonder what the real 4chan website is like?\" , >Go to /b/>It's all porn. <|endoftext|> |
>make thread >no one replies >pull out my phone and reply to my thread<|endoftext|> |
>Beme\n> Be cab driver in major tourist city\n> Havent had sex in so long i'm basically Virgin again> Pick up 3 spanish qt3.14s at the airport, ask to go to city hotel> During the ride we talk about the fun > Arrived at their hotel\n> They say \u2018that was fun, why don't you hang out with us tonight?\u2019> Turbo-autism kicks in\n> Answer \u2018oh no I can't, my girlfriend wouldn't be happy about that\u2019>\n>\n>\n>I don't have a girlfriend\n> why am i like this <|endoftext|> |
>be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work>worked very hard to get to good school>no life because of it but thought \"fuck it it will be worth it\">graduated uni, one of the best students\n>looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game>yaaaaas.phd >it's fucking blizzard >it's fucking diablo mobile <|endoftext|> |
>be me >be with this girl >she kinda accepts me >even tho I'm a /b/eta >she let's me stay at her place\n>very comfy, smells good >I can play vidya too >she offers that she could make some food for me>hell fucking yes! >she even asks what would I eat\n>tendietime.wav >her tendies are the best >she cares for me I can feel it >I love my mum <|endoftext|> |
>neighbors keep using my parking } pad without permission>tell them not to\n>they do it anyway and just ignore me like nothing is going to happen>it's been 3 weeks >they still haven't got their car back\n>apparently they just can't afford it because of how tight money is>his wife lost her job because she couldn't make it to work for 3 weeks>they are moving out, presumably because they cannot afford the bills and the moratorium is almost<|endoftext|> |
>be me in college >public speaking class >have idea >tell prof on 1st day I stutter sometimes >it\u2019s ok anon we'll get through it >really lay it on >3 minutes per paragraph in front of 40 peers >next week do a little better >can still see pain in the faces of kids when I stammer for 10 seconds on a word\n>prof encourages me every time >she even kicked a kid out of class for saying \u201ccome on\u201d under his breath\n>improving every class >almost no stuttering now >final speech give a perfect oration for me, didn\u2019t have to fake stutter at all\n>getanA <|endoftext|> |
>The rape dwarf is still in my walls\n>I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall>Complete silence until I hear it >\"Hoho!\" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes\n>Blood drips out from beneath the molding >I got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread I<|endoftext|> |
>she really likes me\n>we start edating\n>find out we live close EB >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8>she is 5'6 <|endoftext|> |
>*cough *cough >\"0-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I> BEEEEEER\n<|endoftext|> |
>take driving test >do everything perfect >yellow light >speed up to pass it like a normal human being>this means I fail the driving test <|endoftext|> |
>bf dumps me >starts dating some skinny bitch>hatch plan >make friends with him\n>hang out a lot >ask to borrow his laptop\n>download CP >bring the laptop to the police\n>\"anon, you say you found these images on his laptop>get charged with CP\n<|endoftext|> |
>asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage>ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties<|endoftext|> |
>at the bus stop >its raining >notice qt girl >shes getting drenched\n>place my umbrella over her\n>\"umm no thanks\" >takes five steps back <|endoftext|> |
>go on reddit\n>make comment about something I think I'm right about>get proven wrong\n>admit that I was wrong and thank person who provided a>get downvoted anyway >this fucking site\n<|endoftext|> |
>) )/>Be on patrol in Iraq >VBIED explodes a few blocks away >We go to secure the area and I, a medic, go to treat casualties>Platoon Sergeant is with me >He points to a smoldering buttocks attached to nothing else>Looks at me and says \"check out that hot piece of ass!\">Women are on their knees throwing sand over their shoulders to mourn>I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my face<|endoftext|> |
>be me >24yo femanon >qt 17yo boys outside tesco ask me to buy them cider>hatch plan >walk into tesco and grab the cider\n>approach qt employee >explain that i saw my abusive bf outside\n>\"don't worry, you can leave through the back door\">thank him >pay for the cider with the teenagers' money\n>leave out back door >drink the cider by the canal and browse Achan on a local cafe's wifi>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>mom won't pay for my Fortnite <|endoftext|> |
> 10 years ago I was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and>now I realize you are all a bunch of faggots>welcome home you gay bitch <|endoftext|> |
>Get job at McDonalds, need cash\n>Work in the back arranging the meals>qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo Happy Meal>daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything>throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness\n>few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill\n>its right next to the mom and her daughter\n>evesdrop on them\n>\"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?\">mom replies, \"Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count\">mfw\n>mom and daughter laugh while I walk away <|endoftext|> |
>wait 17 years\n>wake up >scream for 4 weeks\n>refuse to elaborate\n>die <|endoftext|> |
>be me >have of >hear about Andrew Tate, decide to look him up>really like his advice >decide to try it on gf to gain her respect\n>be with her one day >tell her that I cheated on her (i didn't) >she is understandably upset >tell her \"Yeah, got drunk. Fucked some girl. Don't remember her name. If you want to leave you can leave.\">she actually does >heartbroken, text her every day telling her it wasn't real and I was just following advice I got online to be cool>tell her to look up Andrew Tate so she'll see what i mean\n>pretty sure she blocked me, all our friends hate me now What the fuck do I do? She was my first gf, I literally have<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>travel abroad basically all my life due to dad's political work>live in various european/asian countries like sweden, denmark, turkey,>have a normal upbringing\n>plenty of friends, great classmates, etc\n>eventually move to the US\n>literally the first day of school, one of my american classmates throws a fucking stapler at me<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>go on Reddit\n>see that a post has gold and silver>wot.jpg\n>ffw a few weeks\n>see a post that made me laugh\n>click on button to give gold\n>a menu comes up to buy gold\n>confusion.jpg\n>click on buy gold\n>asks for a payment method\n>what the fuck\n>some faggots actually spend money to give a medal to posts and comments that>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>8 year old cousin is over\n>she wants to watch a movie in my room>mom tells me to \"keep the door open\"<|endoftext|> |
>still have to tip driver $2-3\n>$10 pizza becomes $25\n>pizza shop is 4 minutes away >be retard >have yard full of perfectly edible, healthy grass and bugs\n>decide to spend $25 on artery clogging slop instead\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Hungry before work\n>See donut shop and think \"fuck it, >Go inside and get a chocolate >Cashier says \"Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?\"\n>\"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land.\">never return there <|endoftext|> |
>be me >at school >there's a grill next to me i never >during class at one point she TAS BHEG asks: \"can we do this exercise>me: \"no\"\n>virginity protected <|endoftext|> |
>Playing GTA San Andreas\n>Father comes in >Want to show him how cool the game is >Go to the beach and kill hookers using chainsaw and flamethrower\n>Few days later he bans the game <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>went to Japan for vacation\n>has a very close online jap friend that I met when I was loitering>thought he's a guy\n>short haired gt 9/10 appeared. Her name is Nao\n>even though it's the first time meeting her irl, we hit off pretty well>Nao talks to me about pretending to be a guy online>she wanted to talk with someone about rock but she thinks people online wouldn't take her seriously>she apologized\n>\"apology accepted but on one condition.\"\n>says I wanna play guitar hero with you\n>she laughed and agreed\n>nicesmile.jpeg\n>went to her apartment\n>she hurriedly opened her ps4 and accessed guitar hero>pretty high level\n>plays\n>mfw she lost\n>mfw she turned off the game and started sulking\n>started motivating her\n>hey nao, you're a rockstar. get your game on, go, <|endoftext|> |
>tell a German \"I'll see you later\"\n>He asks what time <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>gap year >work as nursery assistant at a home for mentally challenged (IQ>70)\n>one guy is very unintelligent >24 years old >IQ too low to leam how to speak >only says weird sounds >no friends >only hobby is to suck puddles dry >once tried sucking lake dry >puked multiple times >once all got sick from bad food\n>he didn't because of superior stomach from sucking puddles >one day the home gets a new manager >decides that puddlesucker cannot suck puddles anymore >puddlesucker gets very sad >one time I have the night shift >its raining >see puddlesucker stand by the window crying looking at the many delicious puddles >I open the door >puddlesucker runs outside faster than a 4chan user chasing an icecream truck >sucks on atleast 7 puddles >comes back >gives me big wet hug >mfw guy who doesn't even crack a smile when he sees his family after 2 months, gives me a hug\n<|endoftext|> |
womvonwe \u2014 >SiSter 17>walks out of bathroom after shower >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off\n>she nods and fastens it before walking away\n>i go shower and forget about it\n>because im not some sick degenerate like you fucks. 22772251744 # x >be 15<|endoftext|> |
>meets a disabled 14 year on the >attempts to marry her without once trying to find our where her<|endoftext|> |
>live alone and start to feel lonely\n>install vrchat and join some servers>all e-couples, whiney americans and furries>suddenly come across some other guys with monkey avatars>more people notice and start monkeying around\n>end up spending the night harassing e-couples with 4 other guys>leave not feeling so lonely <|endoftext|> |
>mfw I have never touched a vagina, even when being born>mfw I wasn't really even born at all, but cut out of my mother's stomach like an<|endoftext|> |
>\"THERE'S A HUGE LABOR SHORTAGE, 6 MILLION JOBS>apply to 500 jobs >get 1 call back >it's a pyramid scheme\n<|endoftext|> |
>date is going well\n>politics gets brought up\n>don't want to scare her\n>spout the most normie, bluepilled, centrist opinions>nothing even remotely close to right of center>\"Oh god, you're not an alt-righter, are you?\"<|endoftext|> |
>asshole hairy since 12 >can't remember time when wiping easy\n>always wipe 50 times >like cleaning muddy fishing net with tp\n>usually try to shit just before shower\n>trimming pubes one day >going at gooch >go back farther >fuck it >trim asscrack >fuck it halfway there >shave crack and hole >takes like an hour >dont want to be cutting up my shithole\n>next day >shit >wipe >wipe again >paper clean looking >wtf >did i miss the hole? >nope >just done wiping <|endoftext|> |
>be me >dad leaves for cigarettes \\) >decide to go to store for food>see dad still in line, cigarettes Tamarclare!>wave to him everyday <|endoftext|> |
>grandparents visiting for a week\n>grandpa is interested in crypto, has heard me talk about it so I shill him on muh>fuck I probably shouldn't go that to gramps>help him sign up\n>he has to confirm email\n>\"Oh dang, guess I'll just have to do this when I get back home\">tell him he can just sign into his email on my computer and sign back out if he's worried about muh privacy or>\"What do you mean anon? My email is just on my computer back at home\">browhat\n>Tell him he can login to his email on literally any device he has access to.>just put in the email and password dude\n>show him how to do it\n>\"WOW Anon, I had no idea you could do that! That's so cool!\"<|endoftext|> |
>sit down to watch my boyfriend play>its a dark souls like type game\n>he dies <|endoftext|> |
>three years ago >really drunk >post my number on 4chan asking someone to call me and>this bald mother fucker right here calls me>tells me a story about a bear who switches places with a human for a day>many keks til i fall asleep >becomes a weekly ritual >time goes on and its less stories and more general conversation>three years later hes getting married >asks me to be the best man in his wedding\n>whythefucknot.jpg >fly up the coast to stay at his house for the weekend>friends and family all know \u2018of' me so its kinda weird>but everyones really fucking chill especially his friends<|endoftext|> |
>wake up\n>still not Br*tsh\n>day improves noticably <|endoftext|> |
>be me >Watching Netflix health documentary\n>\"haha fat people\" >They're filming fatties in the street\n>\"hey, I have that shirt\" >\"hey, I have those cargo shorts\"\n>\"hey, I know that building\" >mfw 1 Reply I View Thread<|endoftext|> |
>taking massive shit >coming out sideways\n>hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing\n>losing lots of blood\n>wake up around 15 minutes later\n>go to wipe\n>cleanwipe.doc\n>no blood, no shit\n>feel around asshole\n>someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it>blood and shit still in toilet <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >20 >Enough money to stay in Japan for a few months >Go to Tokyo >Slowly find the places where Japanese women who want westemers hang out\n>After maybe 2 weeks I end up in a casual encounter >Repeat quite a few times >End of time here >Go back to UK >Didn't use condoms, didn't ask if they were on the pill, always cummed inside of them. <|endoftext|> |
>Arabs > Pel <|endoftext|> |
>never ask anyone out\n>never get rejected\n>basically irresistible haha who's the chad now<|endoftext|> |
>making out with slut i brought from a nearby bar\n>gonna fuck this bitch >look to my condor for approval >he shits on her bag and pecks her outta the room.\n>later find out she had harpies from fiend <|endoftext|> |
>I post the frog >they see the frog and get mad\n>they say mean things to me\n>I get sad >i want to feel happy again\n>frog makes me happy >I post the frog\n<|endoftext|> |
>mom and dad both had a bad day and decided to destress, whatever, free food>throughout the whole dinner they're both >my little brother suddenly looks like he had an idea and whispers in my ear \"watch this\">he asks mom and dad to look each other in the eye as long as they can>think to myself wtf is he doing, a staring contest?\n>after about 15 seconds of eye contact they both start smiling and eventually they break into laughter at that.>mfw my lil bro is the best at making people happy <|endoftext|> |
> Shut the Tuck up and dont interrupt me, you Tat\n<|endoftext|> |
>tfw you'll never have a cute gf who plays games in your lap and when she beats you at them she teases you while rubbing her butt on your dick>when she beats you \u2018what kind of fucking casual do you take me for<|endoftext|> |