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>at the zoo\n>decide to take guided tour since one is about to start>lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins>everyone stares at him\n>lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo>guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys>about an hour later\n>tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees\n>he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps <|endoftext|> |
> On the train to London > Really need to fart > Starting to hurt a bit > Starting to hurt a lot > Train shakes a little, want get up to go to the bathroom before I fucking burst> Don't get the chance, my sphincter can no longer take the strain\n> Manage to discreetly edge my buttcheeks apart, comes out slowly but silently> Pass gas for a Solid 60 seconds >Ohno > Oh god the fucking smell > People are looking at each other > It's really fucking bad. > enemyspotted.jpeg > A foreign smell impacts my nostrils > The dude opposite me is staring me right in the eyes > He fucking knows, and ripped one of his own > It's fucking on > Spread the cheeks a little wider, much as I dare > Push > Clearly and loudly shit myself staring into the eyes of a complete stranger.<|endoftext|> |
>be young >have a brother 1 year older\n>mother gets daily visitors\n>each time she gets a visitor she locks us in a room>looks away and says :\"lookout for your retarded brother>each one of us thinks the other is retarded>mother dies <|endoftext|> |
>I wanted to turn my life around after peaking my weight at 180kg>went to the local gym paid for the special weight lose program>around 520$ per month for 3- >got told to go to the aerobics class >went there and a trainer came in and started telling us what to do as warm ups>walking, stretching and such >being a fat fuck I couldn\u2019t even last 3min before sitting a side fighting for air>they start knee raising >gymbro was watching from the side >he came to me and asked when did I join >told him that i just did >told me to pick my things up and follow him\n>told me that i wouldn\u2019t last and would drop out soon or injure myself trying>told me that I should start by just walking outside, no need for a gym now be any activity would give>went down to the manger\u2019s office and took my card>he went in for a while and came back with cash\n>signed some papers >went outside the gym and gave me his phone number>told me to lose as much weight i can by walking and doing basic workouts>and whenever i feel that i can join back he'll give me a discount>deal <|endoftext|> |
>be me >half-chad/half-autist hybrid >16, just got my license >have this qt3.14 in class >wanted to fuck her since I >idmotorboatthatass.gif >idsucktheairoutofherballoonknot.raw >\"anon, will you take me to get ice cream?\" >you betcha >take her out >drop her home after >she comments on my facebook that night: >\"thanks for the icecream anon, maybe next time I'll take you for a ride\">\"I didn't know you had your license\" >\"anon ur so funny. but if we keep getting ice cream we'll have to do some sort of physical work>\"nahh, I don't really put on weight\" >no more icecream after that >mfw I get the 10yr facebook memory of the comment exchange>mfw i realize I'm more than a half-autist hybrid\n<|endoftext|> |
>get job >virus hits >lose job >get job fighting virus\n>virus Cured <|endoftext|> |
>be burn victim\n>Disney sells me as a toaster <|endoftext|> |
>at the zoo\n>decide to take guided tour since one is about to start>lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins>everyone stares at him\n>lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo>guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys>about an hour later\n>tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees\n>he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps <|endoftext|> |
>be me >have one shot at life\n>born gay in iran mfw<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>fap to porn daily\n>damn I wish girls were real <|endoftext|> |
>Be 6 at the time\n>Spent most of my childhood being abused and neglected by evil mom>I was hungry and the loud party music upset me\n>I cried all night while she fucked random teens and smoked weed>Her asshole boyfriend burned me with a cigar when I wouldn't stop crying>Mom got angry at my crying again so she threw me out in the streets>I was literally a toddler wandering the streets of West Belfast at night>Can't exactly remember what happened but the Police found me>A year later I was adopted by my two gay dads\n>Best parents ever\n>Never harmed me in any way\n>treated me like a king\n>Provided me the best quality of life\n>Always supported me\n>They never treated me differently for being heterosexual<|endoftext|> |
>superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass\n>take their wallets >repeat <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have gf, life is good\n>gf oftentimes complains about makeup being difficult to put on, taking too long etc>be good bf and act sympathetic 53) >think to myself makeup cant be harder>ffw to today\n>gf is gone for uni\n>finish painting my primaris eliminator squad\n>whatnow.jpg\n>remember gf bitching about makeup\n>decide to put her makeup on myself\n>its easy af\n>first the primer (\"foundation\" in makeup speak)\n>put on eyeshadow, colours are easy af to combine and blend>put on mascara\n>have a raging erection the whole time <|endoftext|> |
>be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god<|endoftext|> |
>have a workmate called Amir\n>also huge gamer\n>obviously we befriend eachother within 1 week>basicly best friends\n>we decide to prank our non gamer colleagues\n>Act and speak like NPCs from different Games when we meet>literally word by word random Oblivion chatter\n>literally asked him if he went to the sky district often>last week\n>working normally\n>Amir is like 3 desks near me\n>suddenly a huge bang is heard\n>probably just a plane\n>Amir: \"By the gods, is that the voice?!\"\n>Me: \"Dragonborn\"\n>we both break out laughing\n>had to explain to 3 HR ladies what we are doing\n>1 is laughing her tits of, the other 2 get angry and tell us to grow up<|endoftext|> |
>Modern man exists for 200.000 years>99% of that is humans being cavemen>Then suddenly we go from being cavemen to exploring the solar<|endoftext|> |
>one asian character in the entire franchise\n>name is Ching Chong\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>17\n>male\n>broke af\n>think of ways to make easy\n>remember hearing about girls selling feet pics on OnlyFans>look at my feet\n>notice how feminine they look idea.jpg>turn 18\n>download OnlyFans on my phone\n>setup billing information and shit\n>shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs\n>take pictures of feet\n>horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet>starts off slow but eventually start making decent money>doesn\u2019t matter, now financially stable <|endoftext|> |
>be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't>have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by>think \"she doesn't speak English so she wont>fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust\n>mfw I realize how fucking autistic I am<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 31, software programmer , fora tech company in a city>Everyday get 45min break for >The best places to eat are next to >Next to bench area is this bucket drummer\n>He's REALLY good.\n>Been going there to eat my lunch every mon-fri for the past year or so>Always give him a dollar. Least I could do. Pretty cheap for 30min of entertainment.>Went to my work today to grab my laptop\n>Got lunch in same spot as always, notice he isn't out there>Shrug it off, he probably isn't out here on Sundays.>Very sad woman comes and places flowers on where he normally performs>My heart skips a beat, I felt my stomach drop\n> \"Who are those for?\"\n> She proceeds to tell me that the drummer was killed by a driver that was texting while he was>Told me his name was Devin\n>Never spoken a word to Devin, but everyday when I give him a dollar he'd smile and wave at>Even though I don't know Devin, or even his name until now, I'm devastated right now.>My life in the corporate cage sucked, Devin was my way of escaping into music.>Worst part was I never got to tell him how much better his music would make my shitty days.>RIP Devin, thank you for your beautiful music. <|endoftext|> |
> be me 13 years old > grew up in a fucked up home with manipulative and abusive parents> older brother quits his study in the midst of getting a PhD to get me and my little> living with him >haven't been happier in my life > practically saved our life > he forces me to keep my attention at school to accomplish something in my life, something he sacrificed> 2 years go by > he got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer > he never lost hope and always walked around with a smile> dies > 14 years of school and many degrees later > mfw I'm a certified orthopedic surgeon and I'd probably have killed myself if he wasn't there for us>i will never forget you bro <|endoftext|> |
>Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish>If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish<|endoftext|> |
>go into work\n>coworker says \u2018hey anon, seems like last year since i see-'<|endoftext|> |
>pirate game\n>company loses $60\n>delete game\n>company receives back $60\n>pirate game 1 million times\n>company loses $60M and\n>buy company for a few dollars and become CEO>delete all the pirated copies\n>$60M deposited in my account\n>suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game<|endoftext|> |
>live in cheap-ass apartment with thin as fuck walls\n>don't mind, I am a mild-mannered and quiet man and don't even play music\n>unfortunately neighbours\u2019 bed is right next to the wall, and they fuck like 6-8 times per week>too awkward to complain >get better idea >dig out my stereo that I never use, and be prepared\n>select the best possible song\n>wait >hear neighbours start to fuck again ILIKE TO MOVE-T MOVEXT, I LIKE TO MOVE-F-MOVE IT>they stop >I stop >we wait >they start again >they stop >this repeats >start doing this every time, always have the song prepared and stereo charged\n>this goes on for weeks >they'te silent for a whole three weeks\n>I hear them start again >they stop immediately and dont start again >they haven't fucked for 3 months now\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >sit in class >remember one time in kindergarten when a girl took a>find that memory really fucking >burst out laughing >teacher gets pissed >asks what so funny >silence. Jpg >say that I thought about a mole >teacher looks at me like I'm retarded >mfw when I actually begin thinking about moles now>remember moles are blind and probably bump into each other all the time>begin laughing again >get detention\n<|endoftext|> |
>Orange man bad >orange man good <|endoftext|> |
>finally tell mom im a superhero\n>bitch doesnt believe me\n>shoot my web on her\n>grounded >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >japanese >living with a white family in the US A >pretty sweet gig honestly>call her a baka and tell her to get out\n>\"FOR THE LAST TIME ANON YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE YOU'RE JUST A>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>beme > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc> get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates> thx guys\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me rs) >Flat Earther (\"] >Friend works at NASA y >Gives me a ticket to go to outer>He said it'll change my views\n>Don'tbelievehim.png >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes <|endoftext|> |
>spiderbro is on wall >spiderbro knew >sadface jpg\n<|endoftext|> |
>getting a divorce i ca) a) >wife had been cheating on me for a while, planned it out for>basically am fucked, she covered all her legal ground, even though she ears more I'll probably have to pay alimony, she'll>my boy is the most gentle soul ever, so creative and funny\n>likes fortnite though, but I still love him very much, sometimes I just sit on the sofa next to him eating Cheetos and tease him for>the daughter is a bit weird, distant, hostile but we have our bond we watch shows together GOT, Suits, blindspot, the 100, etc.>1 wish we did more together but I respect her space\n>Never realized how much I'd miss these little moments with them until they were about to vanish\n>hearing comes\n>judge asks who they want to stay with, doesn't really matter either way, their wishes aren't binding, it's pretty certain the judge is gonna give it to wife, but I'm still pretty happy to hear daughter say she>until she shows the bruises and scars\n>says my wife had been abusing her\n>I'm shocked, my wife could be a cheater but she wasn't an abuser\n>I get suspicious when she shows cigarette burns on her arm (wife doesn't smoke)\n>she even shows a medical report claiming she suffered \u201cforced anal and genital insertions\u201d\n>get full custody, child support and wife's gonna end up in a sex offender list\n>I ask daughter why she never told me any of this\n>admits it\u2019s all bullshit, she found out about the affair a while ago and started hurting herself, got a friend to help with the genital stuff>'she ruined our family so I ruined her life\u201d So apparently I'm raising a complete psychopath. Welp, al least my ex got screwed over.<|endoftext|> |
>play chess with someone online\n>load up chess on my computer and set the opponent to Master>I simulate their move on my >copy what the Master difficulty bot does\n>repeat >ez victory <|endoftext|> |
>in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >\"just a little bit of trolling\" >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>HOLY MOLY HAVE YOU SEEN THE SUPPOSED NEW LEADER - >OMG YASSSSSS dictator queen<|endoftext|> |
>be on road trip >in texas >decide to stop at a steakhouse in east texas bumfuck nowhere>they have a salad bar\n>pasta salad\n>marshmallow salad >potato salad >macaroni salad >fruit salad with whipped cream >there's no vegetables at the salad bar <|endoftext|> |
>be 8\n> sleep at grandmas\n>can never sleep because she puts plastic on the bed>never piss myself\n>goes on for years\n> trouble in family never see her\n>13 years later\n> out of town for work stay at her place\n> go out with co workers and drink all night\n>come back to grandmas\n>no plastic fuckyea.jpg\n> sleep amazing\n> wake up covered in piss because I drank too much<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>19 yo 6/10\n>Go out to movie with bestie of 3 years>9/10 >Dinner and movie >Get ice cream afterwards\n>Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month>She loves it and we go for a walk\n>Pull out 5GUM:TRUTH OR DARE PACK\n>Her wrapper says take a selfie with eyes closed\n>She does\n>I read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room>We laugh it off but u remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side>Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her!>Showed her the mirrored base of the flower\n>We smile and kiss for the first time ever\n>She reads the other part of the wrapper\n>\"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next to you?\">\"This one right now\"\n>mfw how it feels to chew 5gum <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Colorblind\n>Decide to make greentext >How did I do guys\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god<|endoftext|> |
>Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >post up outside and pretend to be security\n>brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >\"We are the fucking cops, we are going to come in.\u201d\n>I say \"riddle me this...\u201d then proceed to puke on one of them.\n>They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus. >never recognize me <|endoftext|> |
>I will forgive $50k in student loans >no wait, I'll forgive $10k in student loans >okay maybe not that, but i'll extend the loan pause Trump implemented>okay its been long enough, go back to paying off your debt, buckos<|endoftext|> |
> how fucking cool is that for someone her age<|endoftext|> |
>go in for job interview >Only motherfucker in there with ironed >Everyone else showed up to the interview >I'm the only person that brought a copy <|endoftext|> |
>college student\n>Comes home for summer 6~I >Cleans old high school room so it>finds old flash drive from when I was in middle school>Plugs it in\n>Finds shit ton of pictures of a little boy naked and posing>Wtf\n>Realizes the kid in pictures are younger me\n>Finds word document\n>\u201cHello anon, glad to see you again. Take these pictures and sell them online to make bank. It's not>Destroy flash drive >Crinae so fucking hard\n<|endoftext|> |
>English class assignment is to change up a popular saying>Teacher randomly assigns phrases >I get \u201che could sell snow to an Eskimo.\u201d\n>Easy >Stand in front of the class and say my >I say \u201che could sell Zyklon B to a Jew.\u201d >Solid 30 seconds of silence, then chaos >I'm waiting for my parents to meet with the principal\n>His name is Mr. Rosenblatt >It\u2019s looking bad fellow Anons\n<|endoftext|> |
>Live in Brazil >there are no schools\n>there are no movie theaters\n>there are no malls >still get shot <|endoftext|> |
>write song about \"Imagine all the >beat his wife, ignore his fucking >writes songs about \"I Am The Walrus\" >he's not a walrus, he's actually a human <|endoftext|> |
>Leave a steam review on a small game bashing it with negative rating>Dev replies\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years were still together>I propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes>about 5 months pass and it\u2019s our wedding day>do out vowels and everything\n>\"You may now kiss the bride\u201d\n>leans in to kiss her >she suddenly turns into dust\n>wtf.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well<|endoftext|> |
>Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes\n>Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks.>No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever.<|endoftext|> |
>be me an hour ago >Working minimum wage >GF wants pizza >Have a $5 and some quarters\n>Go to local pizza shop >Order\n>Fuckyeah.jpg\n>Go to pay >Start pulling out quarters >Last few are stuck wrapped up in my pocket\n>Struggling >Sweating.jpg >Owner walks over >\"Just give him the pizza he needs it\" >Tell him I can give him the money >\"No no bless your soul you can keep it\"\n>Leave with pizza >Mfw he thought I was homeless <|endoftext|> |
>world's destiny is in the hands of F ie drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers,<|endoftext|> |
>Beme\n>14 >Don't share online stuff with parents, as usual for teens\n>One day, mom walks into room >Asks to see through my laptop and phone >Tell her no\n>She says she will ground me and take away EVERYTHING i have\n>Ask her if she would like if I looked through her PC and phone >\"T have nothing to hi\n>I'm forced to say yes >Finds my Reddit, Insta and Snap alongside my hentai stash >Oh shit >Takes away my phone and laptop and makes me delete all my accs\n>Well fuck >Beme\n>15 now, still feels violated of privacy since >Asks mom for her phone to watch YouTube >Agrees: >Watch YT for a while, gets bored >Goes through her texts >Finds out she has been cheating on my dad with her co-worker\n>Tell Dad, show him the proof >Dad confronts mom, she tells the truth >Dad files for divorce and wins custody of me and litle sis >Visiting mom, she\u2019s living with a friend\n>Confess to her that I was the one who told dad >She is shocked and asks why >\"You said you had nothing to hide so I checked to make sure\u201d\n>She remembers when she took my laptop and phone, etc\n>Starts bawling and says I ruined her life, etc\n>loldontcare.mp3 >Dad comes to pick me and sis up >Mom screams \"I never ever want to see you again\u201d >K >Drive away <|endoftext|> |
>She gets hospitalized f >Doctor tell us she will be here until>Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year\u2019s party at a friend house because I'll be>She tells me she is still going without me\n>I think to myself \u201cwell I don't want her to have a shitty New Year so it's ok\u201d>Later today best bro calls me\n>\"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will<|endoftext|> |
>make post criticizing google\n>next captcha shows street near my house<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19\n>dad got a new job, brings up his old work bench from>he shows me magnets on the side of the bench of me and my little bro from 10>cringe but laugh at how I used to look, scrawny fuck with buck teeth bc it was>notice he had baseball shaped silly bandz in his bench drawers>sit there and smile as I realize my dad really has cared for my lil bro and I all>feel sad because when we were that little my parents were going through a rough>replace the sadness with happiness once more, the pasts in the past. I love my dad.<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>high school\n>notice I haven't said a word in the first week>idea.docx\n>what if I pledge a vow of silence\n>actually commit >ffw a year >selective mutism >crippling social anxiety >art teacher thought I had autism\n<|endoftext|> |
>I just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist>l even stuttered <|endoftext|> |
>Some friends I played games with used to call me goblin due to my nose>didn't see them for about 3 years\n>started to workout since then >got really buff >saw them again yesterday >now they call me hobgoblin <|endoftext|> |
>be Russian\n>turn 18\n>get conscripted into the Army\n>show up to your unit\n>get relentlessly bullied by every minority group>get sent into a warzone with zero training>drive into combat in an unarmored Ural truck\n>get shot in the face by a Ukrainian partisan after making it a km past the border>unit needs to take Kiev tomorrow, so no time to recover casualties>your body gets tossed to the side of the road\n>your body starts to rot and become a health hazard. local villagers bury you in a shallow grave>your body is never found and your mom spends the rest of her life wondering what became of you<|endoftext|> |
>manage to get a gf at 23 >move in together >things are really looking good for me aa >two years go by>one day get drunk at home with her >she says she's been fucking her coworker who she >figure she's just drunk and making stuff up >go through her phone just in case >mfw she's been sexting and exchanging nudes with him >leave the apartment while she's ranting about how good >she's moves in with him a month after <|endoftext|> |
>wanting to kill yourself\n>remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too<|endoftext|> |
>be me >road trip with 12 year old sister\n>cummed in my pants <|endoftext|> |
>\"Drake?\n>\"What?\"\n>\"Where is the body of Christ?\n<|endoftext|> |
>find Belle Delphine irl\n>she likes me and we go to my place\n>we start fucking >holy shit lost my virginity to Belle\n>dad comes into my room >wake up <|endoftext|> |
>be me >been working at bbq joint for 3 years>boss is like a dad but cooler, we drink/smoke>song from his favorite >answer instantly with correct answer \"aaayyyyyee thats my boy\">mfw it feels good to have someone proud of me<|endoftext|> |
>is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries . >still faster and stronger<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Few weeks ago >Go to Apple store to get battery replaced >Spend an hour and thirty minutes walking around, come back>They tell me the phone is missing some parts, so the battery is unreplaceable>Next day >Go to shitty PcFix, feces everywhere, legit the most dingiest fucking place alive>ask to get battery replaced > He goes in the back for fifteen to thirty minutes\n>Comes back, battery health is replaced and 100% capacity.>Ask if any parts were missing, they weren't. >Pay the 60$ and walk out <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>18m\n>have gf for first time\n>epic.png\n>be yesterday\n>think it's weird how she keeps resting her leg on my member>tell her yeah girls like to feel it rise>wif.jpeg\n>thatsgayasfyuck.gif\n>realize that she's more comfortable with the existance of my dick than I am<|endoftext|> |
>applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him<|endoftext|> |
>On an airplane to Asia >Sitting in my seat when I see this 400 pound sack of shit trying to sit between two Japanese cuties>Squeezes into his seat and immediately asks for a soda\n>That plane hasn't even took off yet, you fat cunt >With morbid curiosity I watch him intently, as he eats numerous meals, double snacks, three mini cartons of>Disgust, unending >Watch as he gets up to try and fit in the airplane toilet\n>Fits, barely >Comes back to the disgust of the Japanese girls and the stewardess>Is a smelly, disgusting pain in the ass the entire trip >By this point this fucking faggots existence is pissing me off>Can't stand it anymore, so when the plane lands I catch that fucker in the bathroom in Asia>Look him dead in the eyes and tell him how fucking much I hate him and how he needs to change his ways>I punch him, hoping to drive the point home >The mirror spiderwebs, and I cut my hand <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear\n>Look behind me aos JP >Needle goes into my throat and I>Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller\n>Says \"Libtard, I will raise this baby\"\n>Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere\n>All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro>I die a few minutes later\n<|endoftext|> |
>be 16 at new high school\n>months pass, still no fiends >people ignore me, bully me >decide to host movie night to make friends >people show up but don't like the movie >they tease me next day in school >no options left but to try another movie night >20 people show up just to make fun of me >put on my favorite Jim Carrey movie >they actually like it >next day in school people start defending me >\"hey dontt pick on anon, he's pretty cool\u201d >have a bunch of fiends now >mfw no one cared who I was until I put on \u201cThe Mask\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>open server browser\n>hop around playing whatever map and gamemode you want eG I >settle in with a community>have fun gimmick rounds with each other\n>certain players start to distinguish themselves as the best of their role>the sight of these titans is enough to demoralize the other team>can spend hours every day playing with the same pool of players>it's completely feasible to develop your skills and become one of the best on the server>open matchmaking\n>game decides which players, map, and mode you'll be playing>everybody is streaming or in an external voice chat program>round ends and you'll never see them ever again <|endoftext|> |
>be me >Viet Cong >hear Fortunate Son in distance\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc> get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates> thx guys\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Be a useless sack of shit till I'm 18 >Start teaching myself math >For once in my lifetime I have self confidence >Feel like I'm literally unstoppable >Go to a restaurant >As I am paying the tab this genius idea crosses my mind >I write the definite integral of a polynomial as the tip >My logic at the time was that only someone who is good in math should deserve the tip>I smugly smile to the waitress expecting her to be confused or to >Instead she whips out her phone, types wolframalpha (I presume) and finds the solution in less than 20 seconds>Turns out that my mental estimate of 16$ was wrong and the tip actually amounts to about 300$ >Too ashamed to protest\n<|endoftext|> |
>went to store 1 hour before closing>gather my shit and head to the >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our>payed and about head out\n>she says \"you know, my shift is almost done\"\n>me \u201calright! have a good weekend, bye!\" <|endoftext|> |
>Call Amazon customer service\n>I'm informed the call center guy is speaking from Egypt>Turns out to be the most professional, most polite call>Thank him a lot >\"Always at your service Sir\"\n>Before leaving I ask him if he's actually Egyptian\n>\"Yes\"\n>congratulate him on his perfect Italian\n>\"Thanks, I invite you to visit Egypt, the country of the the Sphinx and the Pyramids, one of the seven>Haha wow thanks!\n>\"I've worked with Italians before. You can visit my city which is located there near there, you'll love it>Thank him so much, and ask him his name again\n>He knows mine from the screen I felt /international/ love bliss bros. I now have a<|endoftext|> |
>be me > first day as Redditfag > heard they\u2019re all smart > thought that I can learn something new from the comments> 1.4k upvotes >it said \u201cnice\u201d >Idon\u2019tgetit.jpeg >look at the second most upvoted comment\n> it said \u201cnice\u201d >look at the most downvoted comment >it said \u201cnice\u201d >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>teacher assigns you a female partner\n>she is visibly upset S>2Q2NKR201N # s>m2ARNnKRANAaI #<|endoftext|> |
>Go out of map bounds\n>High level enemy spawns that kills you almost immediately<|endoftext|> |
>be me <\u00a2 \\ >in bed S >can't sleep so I'm watching porn Y >) >cum>don't know what to do with the cum, the sink is too far away>heard that semen is really good for your skin>just rub it on my face as a joke and go to sleep\n>wake up the next day >mfw all of my pimples are gone <|endoftext|> |
>be me, man >identify as a female because gender is a social construct>jack off >once I'm done, identify as male again >got jerked off by a gril >mfw got a handjob <|endoftext|> |
>wife about to leave for holiday trip to Jamaica>almost finished downloading all my games I'll play when she's>working from home due to the >holiday trip to jamaica hahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH<|endoftext|> |
>Add random guy >talk trash >says he wants to fight >says he lives in Chicago >at around 3am send him to a large park about 10 minutes away>\"I'm here, where you at ni a?\" >\"I've been waiting here you b ch, show yourself\"\n>keep insisting that I'm there and that he's flaking on the fight>tell him to scream so that I can locate him >sends me videos of him screaming at 3 am in chicago>send him a picture of my penis and call himafa ot\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >xboxfag >more of a casual gamer, just play every now and then>pretty good tho >enjoy my time, distracts me from >enter xxx_pu55ys1ayer_xxx >fucking chad >always joins my games without me inviting him\n>fucks up whatever I'm doing >makes fun of me >knows I'm a virgin >lol just get laid anon >fucking chad >one day I'm playing cod just doing my thing\n>he joins >\"lol 1v1 me bro\u201d >fucking fine >epicgamertime.jpg >I rain hell upon him with the force of a thousand virgins>he doesn't get a single kill >feelsgood.gif >he's fucking pissed >\"FuCkinG AiMbOt\" >starts cursing at me >makes fun of me >says I'll never get laid >oh that's it >the camel's back has shattered >plan devised >tell him I'm going to fuck his mom >\"...dude what?\" >I leave the game and start planning >I use my epic gamer skills to find out where this faggot lives>I show up to his house while he's at school\n>knock on the door >his mom answers the door with open arms\n>sweet lady, almost makes me feel bad for what I'm about to do>almost >we go into her living room and make conversation>laughing at all my jokes >I go in for the kiss >she hesitates at first but I'm persistent\n>manonamission >she gives in to my charm and kisses back\n>getting steamy >I penetrate her as soon as I hear the front door open>\"mom I'm home!\" >he walks in just to see me balls feel in the woman who spawned him>look of absolute horror and disgust on his face\n>he runs out of the house >mom's crying >I leave, my work done >mfw my brother finally stopped joining my games<|endoftext|> |
>Race: human, white\n>Sex: male\n>Class: knight with a longsword<|endoftext|> |
>2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life<|endoftext|> |
>had sex with my bf last night\n>sort of >he's very against \"sluts\" >thinks women should be virgins bla bla>so whatever i lied >anyway he was the worst lay i ever had in my life>dick was small yes but i've had small guys who made up for it in other ways>he fucked me for about 20 minutes >on and off because he didn't have stamina and needed to rest a bunch>it became clear he wasn't going to come from intercourse>told him to just jerk off >so he grabs his cock ridiculously tight like he was trying to strangle it>shouts \"mommy\" as he comes >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>Be me q >Security guard at airport I >Fml every day same shit>Consider suicide at least twice a shift>She's walking a bit funny Suspicion.zip>Run metal detector on her while trying to cop a cheeky feel>Oh shit detector went off\n>Oh shit she looks nervous best investigate>Oh shit oh shit oh shit\n>mfw I just busted an international diamond smuggler<|endoftext|> |
>be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out\n>AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO\n>jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass\n<|endoftext|> |
> Be playing Adventurers league a few years ago > had a cool DM who was very tolerant with our shit\n> we had a kid around the age of 11 in our group who was constantly sick> kid had some sort of disability which left him wheelchair bound and constantly in and out of> kid enjoyed playing D&D with us but it was usually difficult when he needed to go to the Hospital> our DM realized that it would be difficult to schedule arround this> our DM also knew how much this kid loved D&D. > so the DM decided to do something for the kid > the day before one of our sessions, the DM visited the kid at the hospital> the DM then gave the kid a gift > it was a laptop with a webcam that the DM bought for him> he told the kid that if he couldn't attend a session due to him being hospitalized, the kid could Skype us> the kid never missed a single session after that. <|endoftext|> |
>finish cigarette\n>drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get<|endoftext|> |
>moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair<|endoftext|> |
>Was going to kill myself today\n>Parents get me this cake for my birthday\n>Going to kill myself tomorrow\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me saturday morning\n>carefully walking to bedroom with a cup full of coffee>realize fuck it, I can just yeet this cup, future me will have to clean it up>yeet said cup, coffee everywhere on carpet and bed>jerk off while laughing at cuck future me\n>mfw I'm future me <|endoftext|> |
>me, 4 years ago >24 >disgustingly obese piece of garbage >best friend fit as hell >tells me i should lose weight, never pushing it on me too much tho>keep telling him i could, if i wanted to, but i don't care>yeah... sure... >one day he signs me up for gym membership and offers to pay for it>\"I just want a gym buddy, bruh. you don't have to do much, if you don't want to.\">okaythen.jpg >friend gets into car accident 2 days later >dies. >motherfucking dies. <|endoftext|> |