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>barges into your airspace >prevents you from establishing air dominance\n>refuses to elaborate >leaves\n<|endoftext|> |
>walking home from a party late one evening\n>several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by>try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as shit>catch me in some random student neighbourhood>oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out\n>leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent>\"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and>guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten>\"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!\">all three of them draw rapiers on their belts\n>guys run >\" know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale,>spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics>bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there\n>blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it ina machine shop accident>stagger home completely drunk with a hat <|endoftext|> |
>be 2nd grade teacher\n>school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood>one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa>he's big and scary-looking, but super fucking nice\n>leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is>look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me>try to fight back but it's 3-on-1\n>get my watch, phone, and wallet taken\n>next day during dismissal\n>students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened>oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home\n>he asks what they looked like\n>don't know but I remember they drove away ina white Camaro>he nods and says okay\n>about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack>inside is my phone, wallet, and watch\n>see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake>owner is still missing\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Redditfag\n>Post comment reply on r/greentext making joke about how I>\u201dYour account has been permanently suspended for sexual or suggestive>mfw Reddit now thinks I\u2019m a registered sex offender.>mfw they think I had sex.\n>later virgins.\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>get bored\n>order a pizza\n>pretend to be a pizza delivery guy\n>deliver pizzas to random people alone and who likes pizza>thats all i need\n>eventually run into a few\n>porn lied to me, whatever\n>around 70% of people actually decide to pay me for my pizza>others say they didnt order it\n>no loss\n>i guess people want pizzas some people just dont order them>idea.jpg >a pizza is 4 dollars at the store, ill sell it for 6\n>buy 20 pizzas >sell all of them to random people pretending to be a delivery guy>40 dollar profit for selling 20 pizzas\n>do this when i need extra money\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >cum into toilet\n>flush >cum gets to sewage\n>then to ocean >cum in ocean >gets hot\n>evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it\n>technically sucked my dick Later, virgins<|endoftext|> |
> be me, closeted bisexual\n> mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps> decide to find a trap irl\n> go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy> he wants to meet up\n> itsHappening.exe\n> show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em> get up to bedroom and start making out\n> he stops, \"Anon, I have to tell you something\"\n> \"It's cool, I know you have a dick\"\n> \"Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a dick\"\n> mfw, it's actually a chick\n> mfw, I got reversed traped <|endoftext|> |
>in school\n>chinese transfer student comes up to me>barely speaks english\n>\"anon how speak person that\n>he means teacher\n>teacher is black\n>idea\n>\"oh it's nigger\"\n>ching chong steps into class\n>happy exclaims \"HI NIGGER\"\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>Read 314 pages of terms and conditions>Clicked \u2018disagree\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>find out my shitty country has Splatoon tournaments>the winner of last one got a fucking bunch of oranges>most of them aren't even ripe <|endoftext|> |
>be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10\n>shes quirky but fun\n>dat ass >second date >go to her place\n>shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold >crazy bitch is shoving 3 - 4 plastic horses into my asshole\n>she says my condition is \"stable\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Accidentally catch my 14 year old brother on Nhentai>Was gonna never bring it up again but the little fuck started acting weird>Apparently he's been browsing the shotacon, incest, milf tags cuz he's>mf isn't even subtle about it >Thinks the world runs on hentai logic\n>One night when we're sleeping >I'm still awake and follow him >lil bro goes to aunt reading on the couch>He has a massive fucking boner\n>Pulls the generic hentai \"It suddenly got big\" \"help me\">Whips out his cock and gets closer expecting a fuck>Instead gets screamed at by the aunt and essentially every member of the<|endoftext|> |
>be me >suck a dick >gets called a faggot\n>girl sucks multiple dicks\n>not a faggot <|endoftext|> |
>Welcome to Paris monsieur, we serve ze best cuisine in ze universe t >May I take your ordeure ?<|endoftext|> |
>go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a porn-star>answer in accordance to what you want your porn-star to look like>profit\n<|endoftext|> |
>Check if annoying orange is still a thing>last upload: 18 hours ago <|endoftext|> |
>be me \u00bb @* @) >around 9 years old>dad loves hunting, wants to take me>I don\u2019t like the idea of killing think I\u2019m a little bitch so I reluctantly>set the trap, put some scented food in it >small doe comes up, have my sight lined up, ready to pull the trigger>feel instant regret even before killling the animal\n>turn to my dad >\u201d\"Dad, I\u2019m sorry but I really don\u2019t want to take this animals life\u201d>That\u2019s okay son, why don\u2019t you just keep setting up the traps, you\u2019re really good at it>continue to set traps >we do this every couple of months for years, I set the traps, he takes the shots>recently entered a trap setting contest in my local hunter union>won >mfw I\u2019m a master baiter\n<|endoftext|> |
>told my grandfather that I would support trump back in 2018>he dies in 2019, leaving me 120k because I was his favorite nephew for>vote biden anyway I might go shit on his grave later.<|endoftext|> |
>Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security\n>brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >\"We are the fucking cops, we are going to come in.\u201d\n>I say \u201criddle me this...\" then proceed to puke on one of them.\n>They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus. >never recognize me <|endoftext|> |
>be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work>worked very hard to get to good school>no life because of it but thought \"fuck it it will be worth it\">graduated uni, one of the best students\n>looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game>yaaaaas.phd >it's fucking blizzard >it's fucking diablo mobile <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Virgin, 24 years old >Social outcast, no friends >See this thing on the internet >'virgin meetup\" >Had nothing better to do with my life so went to the address\n>Bunch of guys my age, all virgins >Hang around, talk about stuff >They're all pretty cool, stay there late >Look at my watch, I should probably go home\n>Walk towards the door to leave >They ask if I'm gonna come back another day >Yeah sure >wave goodbye <|endoftext|> |
>we reported thots now lets get the Pauls>logal paul and jake paul jump in a canal in Italy>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6 UYPX7AM94 [Open] [Embed]>its illegal to swim in canals in italy > subject matter jurisdiction and International criminal law means as a US>https://www.justice.gov/actioncent er/report-crime<|endoftext|> |
>2004\n>be 7\n>mom is strict so I must go to sleep at 9pm even / \\, during summer holiday / \u2018\\ >her aunt passes away, she goes to the funeral>want to see Shrek 2 in cinema\n>check cinema schedule\n>go to 6pm one with dad\n>accidentally checked yesterday's schedule, film started at 5pm with the next one starting at 8:30pm>upset.png\n>dad says he buys two tickets for the 8:30pm Shrek 2\n>surprised.jpg\n>he says mom doesn\u2019t need to know, it'll be our secret\n>movie ended at 10:30pm\n>when we went home dad let me play Tony Hawk\u2019s Underground \u2018til 1am<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>cub scouts camping trip\n>its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n \\ shit for a bonfire>see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults shitting pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can>hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me>other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on\n<|endoftext|> |
>2007 >Someone kept eating my lunch out of the fridge at work\n>I got tired of it >I poisoned my sandwich with mole poison (look that shit up) and rubbed raw chicken all over the lunch meat>Slapped that puppy in the fridge with a fake name on it\n>It disappeared before lunch >Heard nothing until the next day >Apparently ambulances showed up on 3rd shift and took a guy out on a stretcher>He had to get his stomach pumped and was out of work for a month>I had never even met this guy. He was stealing my food before leaving at the shift change and then eating it the<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Going to bed while staying at grandparents\u2019 rural farmhouse as a 10 year old>Not tired at all - 100% lucid. >Decide eh I'll just try closing my eyes. >It's only 9:30 p.m. >The MOMENT I close my eyes it's instantly morning literally within a blink of an eye.>Brother was in the twin bed next to me and he disappeared instantaneously.>Can smell grandma making breakfast.\n>YouWutMate.jpeg >Never been able to reproduce what happened or have somebody tell me the same happened to<|endoftext|> |
>Use Tinder >No Matches >Use Grindr >Instantly get a message every couple minutes<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>me bee <|endoftext|> |
>Be shy 17 year old\n>Meet girl at a party\n>She is pretty i >Always wants to touch, sit on lap>Party ends\n>She proposes to go on a walk\n>Agree, have small nice talk outside\n>She then asks me to come to her house\n>Yes23.jpg\n>Grsbs my hand, practically tows me to her house\n>Go in, have sex\n>Sweaty, go to her kitchen to grab drink\n>Her mom is there\n>Im naked\n>brain_shudown.gif\n>Grab her hand and say \"Hello, my name is Anon\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>taking piss at public urinal >guy walks in and starts using the one next to me\n>he looks over at me >'nice cock bro, i bet you cum alot right? Yeah i bet you do\u2019<|endoftext|> |
>\"Shaken, not stirred\" <|endoftext|> |
>Parents split up at early age\n>Didn't see dad very much\n>Every time I went there he always bought me a game\n>Always ended up buying REALLY awesome games (even some more obscure stuf)\n>He always said it was luck and that he wasn't into video games\n>Oh well\n>This goes on for years\n>He eventually stops buying games for me since I bought them myself\n>Dad died\n>Went to his place to clean up\n>Open his wardrobe\n>it was filled with TONS of video game magazines\n>Check through some of them for nostalgia\n>He had circled games that seemed cooled and left notes like \"anon said he wanted-an action game\u2019\n>Other notes like \"work extra buy both?\n>My fucking face when I found out he had spent hours reading about something that he doesn't care about because he cared about me\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >9yo >shopping at Toys R Us >pick out some Barbie dolls >go to checkout >clerk smiles and asks \"oh, are you shopping for your sister or cousin?\">\"nope, for me\" >\"aren't those toys a little girly for you?\" >\"I need some whores for my GI Joes\" <|endoftext|> |
>go to bed\n>you have a gripping pain in your chest>it spreads to the left side of your neck>can't sleep Guys am I gonna have a frickin>might have a heart attack\n>better post on 4chan I hope it kills you<|endoftext|> |
>my dad was the coolest mother fucker to me when i was a kid>city cop, used to take me places in his cop car all the time>he'd say \"wanna go for light up ride anon?\">we'd go wherever, he'd turn the >used to brag about him to my friends all the time\n>best times of my childhood <|endoftext|> |
>be me <|endoftext|> |
>buy chemicals for a peaceful suicide>they all arrive\n>have everything ready\n>suddenly feel happy anymore>the fake smile I put on turns into a real one\n>start enjoying life and treating people nice What the fuck is happening?<|endoftext|> |
>talking to my dad about my depression>explaining passive suicidality\n>\"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming>his reply >his fucking reply >\"oh that's how I've felt my whole life\" >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be beta fag with no friends\n>live alone in shitty apartment\n>walk outside one day and and\n>crow has one partially white wing>feed it bread because it's all I have in apartment\n>crow keeps coming back for food\n>one day crow bring me a shiny bit of trash\n>accept offering from crow\n>few months pass he comes every day\n>he brings me shit most days\n>one day crow doesnt show up.\n>mfw my only friend has abandoned me\n>weekend passes\n>still hasnt come i watch for him constantly\n>monday morning i go to work\n>see dead crow on side of street near home\n>stop and get out\n>tfw it has a partially white wing\n>see it has been hit by car\n>near beak is some weird bracelet\n>tfw my only friend died trying to get me a gift\n>tfw I have nothing pic related<|endoftext|> |
>am fully vaccinated >still wear a mask in public because it triggers antimaskers into>I'm free to wear a mask and that freedom makes them seeth.<|endoftext|> |
>be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn\n>new to the city >feel and opportunity come up\n>yell at the top of my lungs >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window>BADDA BOOM >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>born a white american male >grow up in a conservative upper middle class family\n>very idealistic about the nation, want to serve, enlist when 18>deployed in Iraq >legs blown off fighting for oil >go home, struggling, corrupt, mismanaged, and underfunded VA does nothing meaningful to help>physical and psychological trauma have assured that I can never love or be loved again>die lonely hateful and a tragic victim of a broken system\n>but at least we have 11 aircraft carriers\n>tearsofpatrioticjoy.png <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>I wanna talk about some politics>go to /pol/\n>\u201d Jewish people and the worlds issues.\u201d>wtf.jpg\n>go to twitter\n>\"all white people are inherently racist and homophobic.\u201d>wtf that\u2019s not true\n>go to reddit\n>\"communism has never failed\u201d\n>have you people taken a single history class??>go to facebook\n>\u2019 if I see another sheep wearing a mask I\u2019m going to gun them down\u201d>huh??? <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>christian\n>have 3.5 peener\n>gf wanted sex\n>told her the big NO >drive home sad >got into car accident >went to heaven >meet god >God shakes my hand >he whispered >\"mah nigga\" >i smiled >sent back to earth\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, social retard . >Work is always difficult because>Like the idea of camping\n>Decide I'm going to be the Camp Bro NPC\n>No matter what, no matter how minor the question or subject is at work, always tie in>Any time I'm away from my desk I put a \"Gone Fishing\" sign up>Start to wear plaid and camo, drink my coffee out of a thermos>People are annoyed at first, but ignore it\n>Eventually people start to talk to me about camping, asking for places, ideas, how to do stuff>Start to make friends, coworkers want to do a BBQ by the river and invite me and have me help>it goes great and I bullshit my way through everything>\"Whoa, you're a pretty cool guy, anon!\"\n>mfw I've never been camping and just browse /out/ too much<|endoftext|> |
>Get laid S >Get on bed 5 >Girl says wait>Goes to the bathroom\n>what'staikingsolong.jpeg\n>\"Hey are you okay there?\"\n>No response\n>I knock on the bathroom door\n>Slowly open the door\n>Nobody inside\n>Dust on the floor\n<|endoftext|> |
>He's mistaking a nicety for affection again<|endoftext|> |
>my wife fought tooth and claw to get my dog in the divorce >my dog that had been with me for 10 years even before I knew my wife >I couldn't understand why she wanted him so badly because she never really liked the dog\n>the day after winning him, she got him put down\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'11\" 260 pounds. >my life consists of Sp a cleaning out the trashcans>know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks>he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently>\"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that fucking weight so you>he died today <|endoftext|> |
>go in public >see guys that are uglier than me >see guys that are more out of >see guys that worse dressed than >even see guys that are shorter <|endoftext|> |
>I'm white\n>I'm young\n>I'm physically healthy\n>I'm not a manlet(over 6'0\" / >I have a strong sense of morality >I have a strong sense of honor\n>I have a favourable personality\n>l've been told I am handsome\n>I can protect my wife and offspring from predators\n>I can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children>I am good with children and would make a good father>I can cook\n>I'm a strong swimmer\n>I have good taste in anime >I have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their pussy like a desert you<|endoftext|> |
>Playing MMO >Walk up to rando\n>Start jumping >They jump too <|endoftext|> |
>asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one\n>carry it around like a slave\n>mom is happy\n>feelsgoodman\n>i lift it into the house\n>my dad says hes not feeling well\n>COLLAPSES\n>WTF\n>mom panics\n>dad just laying there knocked out\n>we put him in a safe position quickly\n>my heart is racing\n>i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch\n>mom calls 911\n>im panicking too\n>figure that the hospital is not so far away\n>LIFT him back up and carry him into car\n>mom is screaming at me but i cant hear shit\n>race to hospital\n>LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER\n>scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts<|endoftext|> |
>be girl >middle school, early 2000s\n>walking to class >see some short kid getting shoved into the locker>tiny little hispanic kid and his two goons are harrassing this kid for lunch money>is this real life >take the little hispanic kid and put him in a chicken hold>tell him if he touches this kid again I'll beat his face into the locker so hard his parents wont be able to>he calls his goons off, runs away >short kid follows me around for the rest of the school year, carrying my books and taking care of<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 23\n> fucking this older girl, she's around 30> getbusycoomingorgetbusydying 4 > suddenly she grabs my face and> wispers 'come for mommy baby > sit there frozen in complete shock\n> jizz the biggest load of my life <|endoftext|> |
>be 3 years old\n>standing in the living room next to leather sofa>for no apparent reason think to myself \"i will remember this moment\">still do\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in iraq\n>start smoking a pipe because AIRE fuck it im probably going to die>one day on patrol in some shitty village\n>over 100 degrees, towlheads everywhere screaming at eachother and trying to sell shit>you know just a normal day >decide to sit down for a drink and a smoke because im in full gear and it is like a trillion>sit down and light up pic related >sitting down for maybe a minute, take a few puffs>bowl explodes as its in my mouth >a fucking sniper shot my pipe >the bullet travelled 3 inches from my face\n>everyone scatters for cover as usual >to this day I dont know if the sniper missed or if he was trying to just fuck with me.<|endoftext|> |
>watch Predator for the first time when I was 10>think the predator is badass\n>get Xbox live\n>think of cool gamer tag\n>xxTheChildPredatorxx >haven't the slightest clue why <|endoftext|> |
>be me >have one shot at life\n>born gay in iran mfw<|endoftext|> |
>Be a cop\n>Patrolling, doing cop things\n>See a guy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit>Can see lots of smoke coming out of his >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a fucking hot plate plugged into his >Motherfucker is making pancakes while driving <|endoftext|> |
>be me >ask a girl out >she says no >\"im not interested in you eS atipe >sure ok, see you in class>immediately receive a screenshot of her >she sent it to me by accident <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Sophomore year in college\n>Periodically shit in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority>Word spreading around campus <|endoftext|> |
>be me >working since i was 14 years old\n>fried burguers, painted wall, did whatever to get ends meet>studied math like a pig >get stupid job as math teacher where students throw shit at me>make 60 thousand a year\n>pretend im happy >be belle delphine >be woman >wear make up >learn how to stick tongue out\n>make 120 thousand a week on Patreon only>will probably be a millionaire in two months<|endoftext|> |
>\"Drake?\n>\"What?\"\n>\"Where is the body of Christ?\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it>me: \"so is this actually good or just overhyped\">me: \"i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes\">him: \"pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man\"\n>me: \u201cno seriously i bet there is.\u201d\n>him: *awkward silence and a weird look*\n>we start the movie\n>1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery>followed by basketball and rap\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>My mom is super scared about what I have on my phone\n>Download one of those calculator apps that hide images behind a code\n>One day she was going through my phone\n>She bursts into my room, phone in hand\n>\"Anon! What is this?\u201d\n>Tell her it\u2019s just a calculator app\n>I'm freaking out on the inside\n>She says she knows what it is\n>0_ Shit jpg\n>\"OPEN IT NOW ANON!\" ur friends to > Start freaking out>Say no [tot EAN! them! = She threatens to take away everything I have for a year>Unlock calculator >She looks at screen >Theres only one image >She opens it >it's literally just the stupid beaned picture\n>Mom looks at me >\"What the fuck anon?\u201d\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>2 years ago\n>In high school\n>Working on a science project\n>Some chads sit at my table\n>They don't do their project of course>\"Hey anon\"\n>I look over\n>\"Do you know you're a fucking normie\"\n>Ask them if they know where that word comes from>they say instagram\n>Normies call me a normie because I don't talk about memes in public<|endoftext|> |
>Australia had a rabbit plague in the mid 1800s>They tried a variety of methods to get rid of them>Eventually they got desperate, >They made fake rabbits that were >The ones attracted to the fake rabbits didn\u2019t breed and the population was thus reduced>Tfw they\u2019re doing it with people now\n>Tfw I figured out why Anime girls exist <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from rape>walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard>she presses her paw up to the >cryinginpublic.jpg >I impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again>cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I\u2019m home and encourages me to get out of<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>24yo anon\n>meet girl on tinder\n>she's super cute\n>possiblegf.jpeg >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >\"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>at university >accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers>kneel down to help her collect them\n>our eyes meet >I say something like \"hey, its like in the >\"yeah except in movies the guys <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>20 and just got license\n>go on road trip across std canada -_ gro>end up in alaska lets you rent gold pans and>they let you keep whatever you find Ae gy,\n>spend an hour and a half and get nothing\n>not a single speck\n>go back in and turn in the pan\n>owner asks me if I need a container for my gold, I tell him I didn't find anything>about to leave when an older gentleman i\u00bb who was out there with me taps my>\"here son\"\n>hands me small glass vial with a few tiny nuggets>smile at this nice gesture and leave slightly happier than when I arrived<|endoftext|> |
>I just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist>l even stuttered <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 9 >own a toy firetruck\n>godifuckinglovemyfiretruck.jpg\n>bring to show and tell >kids make fun of firetruck >go home tell dad >dad tells me not to worry about it\n>next day >dad wakes me up for drive to school\n>pass school >\"dad where are we going?\u201d >\"my friends want to meet you anon\u201d\n>pull up to firehouse >dad told his firefighter friends what happened>get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen\n>get to honk real firetruck horn <|endoftext|> |
>wake up >bobby knocks on door\n>\"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your>fumble around and finally find my licence\n>\"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen.\">bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly>\"halt! where's your TV licence you cunt?!\"\n>\"draw TV licence from me wallet\" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger>\"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?\">show him my licence permit >\"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!\">bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife <|endoftext|> |
>at weed store owned by old white grandma looking>would amp up my gay qualities because it made the owner laugh and she'd make my>one night old lady goes to the back of the store for some reason, calls her husband>quite, old, hulking, native american man shuffles out>ask for 2 grams of an indica, he puts a hefty 8g nug in my bag, then takes my>Tells me \"Thank you for making her laugh.\" as I leave.<|endoftext|> |
>buy chemicals for a peaceful suicide>they all arrive\n>have everything ready\n>suddenly feel happy anymore>the fake smile I put on turns into a real one\n>start enjoying life and treating people nice What the fuck is happening?<|endoftext|> |
>call a cab\n>cab shows up, Nigerian driver\n>black as midnight\n>whygod.jpeg\n>at least his accent is kinda cool\n>notice he's driving by people waving at the car\n>\"hey bud, shouldn't you pick those people up?\"\n>\"oh, them? I'm not driving them anywhere, they are black.\"<|endoftext|> |
>let out your teat >ilfe is flashing thraugh your eyes >50 years of hardcore porn in 1 milisecond\n>nut all over everyone >yourlast words are \"shit\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me 16 at the time F >high school>mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke>420.jpeg\n>do this all year\n>have retard kid in class, doug\n>dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed>we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it\n>we must befriend the tard\n>call doug over, show him how to light up\n>doug gets stoned\n>doug loves it, totally chill too\n>tard is cool keeping it secret\n>one day, doug lights up with us\n>\"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?\"\n>\"I become a baked potato\"\n>good on ya dougie, fucking champion. <|endoftext|> |
>be student >no gf, pretty boring life >when I have nothing to do, I take >listening to music the whole time >repeat until my phone dies or I get hungry <|endoftext|> |
>notice that I have a strong dislike for most minorities>worry that I may be racist\n>decide to test if I really am\n>go out for a couple of drinks with a\n>he's black\n>pretty good guy actually\n>turns out I just hate poor people phew good thing I'm not racist<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>beta suicidal virgin\n>go to uni\n>pretty miserable and not a lot of friends>get a text from a cousin\n>he tells me not to kill myself\n>wif.jpg\n>\"did you also become on of those fags who tell me not to cuz of no reasons?\">\"no anon i have great plans. We gonna live together, get hella bitchez, play lots of vidya and>mfw it is the best thing i have ever heard in my life\n>mfw someone wants me in their life\n>mfw it has been a week since that text but iam still happy<|endoftext|> |
>step mom moving stuff in the house>shelf falls over and traps her arm\n>she yells for my help\n>\u201danon, please, help me. I\u2019m >I know exactly where this is going >whip my dick out\n>she yells what the fuck\n>my dad walks in\n>flips out\n>they call the cops, I get arrested <|endoftext|> |
>tell faggot brother he just got pranked>\"how?\"\n>tell him to look in his room\n>he spends 10 minutes >there was no prank >mfw that was the prank <|endoftext|> |
>making out with slut i brought from a nearby bar\n>gonna fuck this bitch >look to my condor for approval >he shits on her bag and pecks her outta the room.\n>later find out she had harpies from fiend <|endoftext|> |
>be american >17 people die >American students do a celebratory conga<|endoftext|> |
>be me end of high school\n>be in weed phase\n>come to class high af\n>red af eyes reeking of weed\n>everyone looks at me and teacher\n>too high to think of what to say\n>\"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it\">teacher looks at me worried\n>i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself>end up in a hospital\n>got suspended for being drunk in class\n<|endoftext|> |
>be american\n>get sick\n>go backrupt <|endoftext|> |
>be me in highschool >one day the teacher asks the >most of the class asked him to >teacher picks me and I say >he plays it and the entire class is saying to pick >MFW I'm the only one that enjoys rock and metal >MFW everyone is saying that it's garbage <|endoftext|> |
>tfw had a general grievous phase when I was younger>would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing<|endoftext|> |
>be today >be Australian >Woke up sick >Call work to let them >contact local GP\n>Appointment free and same day because subsidised social healthcare>Paid sick leave because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights>Now nobody at work will catch my cold.\n>Food for customers not contaminated by my cold.>Company doesn't lose money because my sick leave is government subsidised>All bills continue to be paid on time, my day is stress-free because I have time to<|endoftext|> |
>show its called Mr.Robot\n>its supposed to be about a depressed guy with social anxiety>has a well paid job\n>has a female best friend >has sex with a female drugs dealer in the first chapter>after sex scene they put some scene of him crying and saying muh loneliness and anxiety<|endoftext|> |
>Be in 7th grade >Have to piss >Teacher does that whole \"I don't know, can you?\" bullshit\n>\"May I use the restroom Mr. Anonderson\" >Book it to bathroom while holding my peener hole closed\n>Urinals are taken >See unlocked stall >Kick the door open like they do in the movies >See kid squatting on the toilet, shitting frog style >See turd retreat back into his asshole like a scared turtle\n>Piss myself <|endoftext|> |
>girl asks for my snap\n>we talk for a week, it's very nice\n>I set up a date, she agrees and acts interested =, >fast forward to today>show up, wait for forty minutes:\n>check phone, she blocked me on <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >19 years old virgin >Watch milf porn all the time and fap>Make a new friend in class >No father, single sexy mother\n>RemenberPorn.jpeg >Plan to fuck her\n>Go to his house when he is out\n>Start flirting with his mother\n>Say I want to have sex with you\n>She slaps me\n<|endoftext|> |
>masturbating in bedroom\n>about to cum\n>dad comes running in naked screaming>'and here comes dad from left >he does a running jump >lands asshole first on my dick\n>penetration.png\n>cum\n>mfw he laughs and calls me a faggot for cuming in another guy<|endoftext|> |
>get ad on YouTube\n>cover screen\n>turn off volume\n>close eyes\n>count down <|endoftext|> |
>popular only because of porn\n>releases hamster character <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point>drive through >\"Yeah, uhm, can! get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?\">whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed>this motherfucker says \"sure anon\"\n>oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af\n>guy is 20 something, says \"you seem chill\" and passes me note with his>dm him >now best friends. <|endoftext|> |