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>be me Oo >22 and poor in college>deliver food for a restaurant for a few months>sometimes people order takeout but don\u2019t >if it happens late enough in my shift I get to take it home with me>always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close>always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife\n>been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed<|endoftext|> |
> be me\n> family starving\n> decide to commit crime e > batman shows up> breaks my leg, both arms and spine > hospital bill I can't pay > mfw I have to commit crime to pay hospital bill now\n<|endoftext|> |
>Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish>If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish<|endoftext|> |
>Sit between best mate and his gif in Algabre\n>She's 9/10 easily >all three good friends >hlid-test get up to go to the restroom >As I am leaving I wink at ait >Said she had to go to the restroom aswell \u201cTake her by the hand>Lead her to Men's room >Go into back stall >\u2018what did you get for number 6? <|endoftext|> |
>have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week\n>anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal >mfw its anxiety <|endoftext|> |
>be in public bathroom\n>it's empty\n>I can finally take a dump\n>go to one of the stalls and ( 7 start cranking a fat shit out of>turd is 90% out of my asshole >I hear punching and grunting\n>I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet\n>they are beating the shit out of each other\n>suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground>bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing>feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland>fuck no fuck no fuck no\n>turd plops into water\n>echos\n>heavy breathing stops <|endoftext|> |
>Have a whole week to do an assignment>Wait until the last 4 hours\n>have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't>do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment\n>wait until the last 2 hours\n<|endoftext|> |
>A boy and a girl\n> my son is 12 year old 13 in December\n>I think he might be gay\n>Beg me to take him and his best friend to >Said screw it I bought tickets\n>Go to the event dumb boring concert but screw it deal with it cuz my kid and his friend are having fun.>Concert is over my kid & his friend go to the back with there VIP passes to meet the Instagram guys>Let them go by them self cuz why not\n>I'm waiting in the lobby for them\n>My kid come out crying his eyes out >My kid told me he was just so happy to finally meet him and got a chance to talk to him>On the way home both my kid & his friend are talkin & laughing in the backseat on the way home>never seen my son so happy before > I love you son no matter what gay or straight > I just want you to be happy\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>talented guitarist and pianist / >won numerous talent shows>also a big fan of the youtube channel Vsauce>one day get into an accident >I have to type with my nose\n>can no longer play instruments\n>my life passions are gone\n>feeling really depressed\n>see a new Vsauce video in my subscriptions box\n>\"Is Anything Real?\" uploaded June 3rd 2013\n>so excited to watch a new Vsauce video\n>video starts\n>\"Hey, Vsauce! Michael here! Where are your fingers?\">immediately start crying <|endoftext|> |
>walking home one night rr. >Mugger comes out of nowhere>\"Give me your wallet!\u201d >Unload my FN Five-seveN on him >Realize that I used 20 rounds of 5.7*28mm ammo <|endoftext|> |
>\u00bb be me > while geen text > riffs <|endoftext|> |
>Girlfriend stop hanging out with me early because she wants to go home to take a 7 >Confront her about it one day, telling her>She says she's too embarrassed about the possibility of stinking up my apartment.>Tell her just flush the minute poops hits the bowl, and there will be pretty much no smell. That the only reason>This is a huge revelation to her. She tries it out, and is amazed. Apparently I am the poop savior now.<|endoftext|> |
>15 year old daughter suddently got an >decide to buy her one >she cares for it like a baby, honestly >she wants me to hold it but I don't wanna >the damn thing looks me in the face >daughter tells me it can eat all sorts of meat >what the hell >feed it a piece of steak >IT EATS IT FROM MY HAND >have been bonding with the mantis ever since <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have a giant crush on this girl ou> I've known for 4 years but she's>host a party but he was busy and\n>she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over>found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him>refused\n>she gave me a sad look and feel asleep <|endoftext|> |
>be me, depressed and homebody\n>smoke in my room almost constantly>decide to get a bonsai tree >realize im killing this tree with my shitty choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my>started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking <|endoftext|> |
>Rittenhouse gets cleared of all charges\n>About to exit court room >Judge yells out from behind: >hey kid >Rittenhouse turns around >you forgot this >Tosses him his AR15 >Credits roll, Eye of the Tiger plays <|endoftext|> |
> 10 years ago I was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and>now I realize you are all a bunch of faggots>welcome home you gay bitch <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>live with a girl\n>bigtiddygothgf.png\n>have been with her for 6 years now>there's one problem >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to>that's it\n>besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship>because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no>then suddenly\n>one day she comes back home visibly depressed\n>doesn't look at me at all for a while\n>after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I>she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason>we go there, the bath is filled with hot water\n>she wants us to bathe together\n>she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well\n>suddenly drops me\n>she's immediately electrocuted\n>mfw im a toaster <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>named David\n>be depressed for the past 4 years, I >one day while eating with my mother>think about it >My depression is my Goliath >No matter how weak and insignificant I am I will prevail my Goliath and kill it>Start feeling better about myself <|endoftext|> |
>walk into class\n>your crush is tied up like this what do you do?<|endoftext|> |
>go on reddit\n>make comment about something I think I'm right about>get proven wrong\n>admit that I was wrong and thank person who provided a>get downvoted anyway >this fucking site\n<|endoftext|> |
>me >live in mid size city in flyover >make $15/hr (considered a good >can only get 25 hrs a week because obongocare TOKE YPC >$1500 a month before taxes, $1200>$750 goes to renttutilities for studio apartment\n>$100 goes to groceries, rice and beans, and bulk purchases only>$115 a month for phone and internet, cheapest possible>$90 or so to gas >$44 for car insurance >$101 >The American experiment has utterly failed and I hate vou all<|endoftext|> |
> dad is a welder\n> really hard worker, literally works himself to death> comes home late, hardly ever see him\n> 2nd grade in primary school\n>in class\n> look at door and see my dad\n> \"excuse me, can I take anon outside to see the eclipse?\"> teacher lets me go out with my old man\n> never seen one before, super stoked, plus I'm happy to see my dad at school> he hands me a welding helmet like pic related and I look at the sun> only lasted about 10 minutes but is still a cherished memory<|endoftext|> |
>7 year old cousin is over 2 >She wants to play the PS4 in my> )).8</\\\\2 >Mom tells me to \"keep the door open\"<|endoftext|> |
>Sitting at the bar >feel someone tap my shoulder >turn around and see a guy standing there with this weird smile on his face>he says \"got the time?\", but he is almost >I say \"sure\" and pull out my pocket >As soon as I pull out my pocket watch the guy belts out laughing, along with a large table nearby, full of people>before I can even check the time, the guy walks away to the laughing table and loudly says \"I told you it was a>one of the girls at the table says \"Who the fuck-\" but laughs so hard she cannot speak>I look around and see that there are other people in the place looking at me and some are laughing too>put my pocket watch away and try to go back to my drinks<|endoftext|> |
>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l\u2019 get better in university >it will get better when i have a job>ive wasted my entire fucking life, my youth is gone ive missed out<|endoftext|> |
>have a crush on girl >manage to get her over to my house to watch a movie>we're both on the couch watching it>she grabs my arm and wraps it around her so we're cuddled together and she>just stay like that for a while, feels good >at some point she gets up and goes to the bathroom>when she comes back to the bathroom i look up and see she doesn't have a shirt or bra on>her titties are just... right there and she's looking right at me>brain completely freezes and i'm totally confused\n>i give her a fucking thumbs up and say nice tits then go back to watching the movie>she stands there for a few seconds then goes back to the bathroom and puts her bra and shirt<|endoftext|> |
>add a chick from soc\n>she's european\n>tell her i'm russian (this was before the war) 2 ='\u00a59 >she doesn't seem to mind ie S08< Gg >we sort of hit it off>she blocks me <|endoftext|> |
>uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live\n>sad, go to my room and lock the door\n>radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice by sacrificing my life for his>drew a pentagram on a piece of paper and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper>prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life\n>next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 7 >live in small desert town a few hours outside of Vegas>local diner is almost always swimming with scary looking bikers>was always scared of the big bearded >tried my best to keep my distance >one day at diner, just me and mom >mom leaves me alone to use bathroom >scared a fuck >feel massive hand grab my shoulder and nearly shit myself>\"hey kid, I noticed you looked a little scared. Everything ok?\u201d>nervously tell him I\u2019m fine and that my mom is using the bathroom>we start talking about life and I start to loosen up\n>asks me about school and what I like to do for fun\n>find out him and his gang are part of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse)>we talk for a little longer until my mom gets back\n>they chat a little and he walks off >as he\u2019s walking away he turns to me and says \u201cstay in school buddy\u201d and winks at me>never see him again <|endoftext|> |
>new neighbors just moved right Pa LS, im >they tell me to not use WiFi<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Few weeks ago >Go to Apple store to get battery replaced >Spend an hour and thirty minutes walking around, come back>They tell me the phone is missing some parts, so the battery is unreplaceable>Next day >Go to shitty PcFix, feces everywhere, legit the most dingiest fucking place alive>ask to get battery replaced > He goes in the back for fifteen to thirty minutes\n>Comes back, battery health is replaced and 100% capacity.>Ask if any parts were missing, they weren't. >Pay the 60$ and walk out <|endoftext|> |
>don\u2019t like eye contact\n>pick up random things they find\n>make random noises <|endoftext|> |
> Anti-social loser in CS masters program\n> TA'ing because I like to torture myself\n> Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior> Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he pretends to be a student and shares around some private git> Made this comment last spring, forget completely.\n> Cut to today.\n> TA\u2019ing still\n> This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due> Dreading grading that, but w/e\n> Wake up this morning\n> Email from professor\n> \"Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it.\"\n> Attached: Cheaters dot zip\n> Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating.<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be gay\n>came out to parents about 4 years ago>dad hasn't spoken to me since\n>at New Years party at my parents house>whole family is there and having fun\n>feelsgoodtobeincluded.wav\n>everybody has been drinking\n>because New Years\n>anyway, the clock hits 00:00 , whooooo! New Years!>my dad walks up to me and says\n>\"well, it\u2019s 2019 anon\u201d\n>I\u2019m stunned, I think he\u2019s finally come to terms with me being gay I say>\"sure is dad\u201d\n>then he says\n>\u2019and you're still a fucking faggot\u201d\n<|endoftext|> |
>Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before>decide to have a kickback at my >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there>she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is normal since we're pretty close>solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was>I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down>kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back>we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms>texts me the next day to tell me that she\u2019s had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too>I tell her the same thing <|endoftext|> |
>get drunk and have sex with girl 2 years ago>that girl eventually becomes my girlfriend>everyone laughs\n>it all makes sense now\n>that day I was really drunk and she was sober\n>kept handing me drinks and eventually took me to her car and started blowing me<|endoftext|> |
>hyper military based society SS >tries to convince itself it's the>loses <|endoftext|> |
>gf admitted she had a foot fetish a few months ago and gets turned on>had always made fun of foot fetishists, it never once turned me>indulge her at the time because why not, doesn't hurt me>fast forward 2 months\n>get instant boners when she takes her socks off and puts her feet in my lap now<|endoftext|> |
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of>at a school party >everyone\u2019s dancing, I just >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face\n>autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds>then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can>next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by>mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad>take that stacy\n<|endoftext|> |
>sitting blindfolded >woman in lab coat feeds me a Twix\n>\u201dLeft\u201d >she marks her notes >329 consecutive correct guesses\n<|endoftext|> |
>*vinyl scratch sound* f \\ >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO Y >*car crash sound* J >102.3 /d >*elephant sound*>*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK>*glass shattering sound*\n>*police siren*\n>THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION\n>*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake>kids actually believe it's weed and buy some>mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more>one day called up to principals office\n>there\u2019s a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I\u2019m making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he>mfw they can\u2019t do anything so they send me back to class<|endoftext|> |
>go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit\n>give unpopular opinion\n>downvoted <|endoftext|> |
>walking to convenience store to buy snacks>see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on>me: \"hey whats your favorite >me\n>her >her: \"i dont know\" : \"but youre wearing the shirt\">me: \"what?\" >her:\n>me:\n>her: <|endoftext|> |
>mfw I am Chad but I have psychological problems so i am<|endoftext|> |
>be 56\n>got a massive humiliation fetish >go on Tinder, have my height on my profile\n>send polite messages to beautiful women\n>jack off to their responses >God tried to nerf me but failed <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>wake up\n>not obsessed with nfts\n>not transphobic\n>not a nazi . >not a tankie>don't have twitter\n>don't worship some mediocre pop star\n>don't watch annoying shitheads on youtube\n>life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it\u2019s that easy.<|endoftext|> |
>beme >on date > girl asks: \"oh btw, I had plastic > there's no right answer to this, I just > she insists that I say something > \"ummm, maybe you broke your nose as a child and > she says it was her ears > asks whether her nose looks bad <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>not a reddit user\n>love 4chan greentext, post almost everyday>go to check reddit greentext for\n>I recognize one of them\n>it\u2019s a greentext I posted not 30 minutes earlier on 4chan>mfw he got 1k upvotes from my content\n>mfw reddit users steal my greentexts and there\u2019s nothing I can do about it>mfw this one is gonna get stolen too <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>9 years old\n>Going to cub scouts\n>Scout leader says \u201cToday we're gonna learn how to fold the>Stresses that \u201cLetting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen and we'll have to>Am handed the flag\n>slips out of my hand, and falls flat on the floor.\n>Scout leader assures me it\u2019s okay and we can try with another flag>We burn the flag I dropped at the end of the meeting>The next day I\u2019m in school and the teacher is told to turn the tv on to the news.>We watch as the second plane hits the World Trade Center>I think back to my scout leader saying \u201cLetting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen\u201d.<|endoftext|> |
>be me >have one shot at life\n>born gay in iran mfw<|endoftext|> |
>be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys\n>pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >afrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me\n<|endoftext|> |
>the year is 2022 >gamestop market cap is now >visit my local gamestop >leave my coat with the doorman and check myself in before walking into the air conditioned 2,000>immediately greeted by the sounds of Vivaldi\u2019s Spring performed by the shop's string quartet on>walk past the marble water fountains and roman pillars to the used blu-ray aisle>pick up a $3 copy of the classic Nicolas Cage film Drive Angry>guy in a tuxedo at the checkout puts on his white gloves and bags it for me while I enjoy a spoonful of>sign up for the preorder list of Kerbal Space Program 2 and leave my signature in the guestbook>bellboy carries my bag for me to the entrance and wishes me a good evening<|endoftext|> |
>hit the gym a couple times a week\n>clean diet\n>1.5/2.5/3/4 >stil look fucking yoked >haven't showered in months for pheromone gains\n>succesful career\n>wear nice clothes\n>nice haircut\n>generally friendly guy with natural charisma <|endoftext|> |
>Give woman testosterone\n>her rational reasoning improves <|endoftext|> |
>father dies\n>he was a massive man, 7'0 ona good day>ask coroner people if I can keep his skeleton>they act like I'm a weirdo and ask >tell them I want to put his giant >they tell me it's illegal to take the body and do that>tell them they can keep the meat, and I'll bury that. I just want the skeleton>get kicked out and interviewed by a cop <|endoftext|> |
>Some friends I played games with used to call me goblin due to my nose>didn't see them for about 3 years\n>started to workout since then >got really buff >saw them again yesterday >now they call me hobgoblin <|endoftext|> |
>opens a can of Bud Light >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't>begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the >cheers as his favorite negro catches the football we had some>asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no>hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n'>blames Jose for all his problems >dies of a heart attack at age 58\n<|endoftext|> |
>be 11 year old me >Minecraft 1.0 comes out >want to get it >mom doesn't get me it at first\n>feelsbad.png >Easter rolls around >mom hands me a paper >its a username and password >mom got me an account for Easter\n>thanks mom >play minecraft all the time >make lots of memories and friends playing minecraft>fast forward to now >redownload Minecraft for the hell of it\n>look around for paper with username and password>find it >username is my name spelled backwards\n>lol >password... >\"lovemom'\" >love you mom\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me. Super horny middle school boy\n>Searching for anal porn, found some where a girl used a toy on a guy\u2019s . >Brightidea.exe. I'll stick something up>But what to stick in my butt? >Improvise.exe I got one of my mom's tampons. I figured I could use the string that pull it out>Stick it up there. Fire up some porn. Start jacking off. I guess I clenched my butthole. The tampon shot way up>Try to find it. Spend a solid 30 minutes with my finger up my ass>Figure I'll shit it out later. I must have shoved it deeper, then the tampon must have expanded. It formed some>After about 8-9 days the constipation is so bad that I can barely stand up>Parents take me to the emergency. They do an x-ray and see a blockage. The doctor asks what it is. I say that>He tries to get it out with me lying on my side, while a nurse is pulling one knee up to my chest. No luck.>He has me get in the face down ass up position, tells me that the lube is making the tampon slippery, and rams>My parents were in the room the whole time.\n>The orgasm was average <|endoftext|> |
>be me >right now >toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am> >not toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am\n>why live\n<|endoftext|> |
>be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil\n>they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me.>the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling\n<|endoftext|> |
>wife is Ukrainian >order her a cat tail buttplug and cat ears from Etsy\n>war starts the moment we're ready to try it >she hasn't been in the mood to try it for a whole month I'm a victim too.<|endoftext|> |
>Beme >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls>Notice a man has made a donation of $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple>Check to see if there's a note with the donations>They all read something like as follows \"To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day\">I asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young>That money is his son's allowance <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be loser who drives a delivery van all day>work is fucking boring as fuck\n>get new puppy\n>have idea\n>I will take puppy to work with me\n>Next day put puppy in van\n>Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab\n>Take puppy to park during lunch break\n>Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries\n>Drive home\n>Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy\n>Have never had this much enjoyment of work\n>Thank you puppy <|endoftext|> |
>be me >work as a phone salesman\n>95% of calls are old peope\n>nobody ever actually buys anything>get paid per time spent in calls\n>most old people are lonely and just want to talk>talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours>basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day>even have regular callers that know us by names\n>supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about>she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times.>my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say \"Very interesting,<|endoftext|> |
>Finally get a brand new phone after years>Galaxy S20 Ultra >Shit costed me $1400\n>disposableincome.gif >Decide to fuck around on /b/ for >Haven't been there for a couple >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones>Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-fucking junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country>Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone\n>Fucker calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me in middle school.\n>Around 10 or 11. = >Assassin's Creed 2 comes out.>My favorite game growing up. >Wanted to be strong and cool like him. >Anyways, we're learning about European history >My state holds an educational assessment for all >Playing Assassin's Creed and this game sparks >Reading books, articles online, etc. >Just filling my head with all this info. >Day of the assessment and I'm breezing through >Month or two later and we get our results back.\n>Teacher tells the class, \"Only one person got a perfect score on this test in the whole school.\u201d>Kids say, \"Who? WHO?!\" >Everybody in the class was shocked. >Where my love for history started. <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 28, suicidal\n>too pussy to kill myself\n>find out you can hire an assassin on the dark web>get onion browser >assassin costs upwards of 500 bucks\n>pay assassin 1500 to kill me\n>\"this is a very special hit for you. i want you to kill me. I will do anything to get killed by another person\u201d>1 week passes\n>get email\n>from the assassin website\n>\"we're very sorry to hear about the situation you're going through. this website is actually a sting>they refund my money and give me suicide help resources<|endoftext|> |
>I find my 13 year old neighbour attractive\n>lim 25 >she's about an inch taller than me\n<|endoftext|> |
>decided to bite the bullet and get a hooker>find most good looking cheapest whore near where i live>call her and we start talking >\"Y-yes i'm a virgin\" >she hangs up Nothing makes you feel more alive like being<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it>me: \"so is this actually good or just overhyped\">me: \"i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes\">him: \"pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man\"\n>me: \u201cno seriously i bet there is.\u201d\n>him: *awkward silence and a weird look*\n>we start the movie\n>1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery>followed by basketball and rap\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>retard\n>never done drugs once in my life>friends and family all think\n>boss also thinks I show up high to work>nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just fucking stupid>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me >want steroids for quick gains >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply <|endoftext|> |
>she ifit has a penis it isnt a \u201cshe\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>be girl >middle school, early 2000s\n>walking to class >see some short kid getting shoved into the locker>tiny little hispanic kid and his two goons are harrassing this kid for lunch money>is this real life >take the little hispanic kid and put him in a chicken hold>tell him if he touches this kid again I'll beat his face into the locker so hard his parents wont be able to>he calls his goons off, runs away >short kid follows me around for the rest of the school year, carrying my books and taking care of<|endoftext|> |
>mom tells me about this asian kid in her school>group of people always bully him\n>kid never talked or tried to fight back\n>they continued to bully the kid for weeks\n>one day they spit gum in his hair\n>kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call>fast forward to after school\n>my mom and her brother are outside talking\n>kid is getting bullied\n>van pulls up and kid laughs\n>group of asian's get out of van\n>few have baseball bat's\n>start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream\n>few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face>mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped>guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry>van drives away with the group of asians\n>asian kid never got bullied\n>yakuza 1, bullies 0 <|endoftext|> |
>be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are fucking racists >\"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020\">call me a streetshitter >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident>years later >I ruined their internet >I did it >sweet revenge <|endoftext|> |
>takes boy to motel and rapes him\n>the rapist gets caught by the cops\n>father goes to the local bars and find out when the rapist will be brought>local guy who worked for media lets >arrives at the airport and waits for cops to arrive with rapist>live TV crews also at the scene\n>cops and rapist walking through airport\n>pulls out a pistol and shoots his son's rapist straight through the head, killing him with a single shot>father literally assassinates his son's rapist on live television (pic related)>gets arrested\n>local community unanimously decides he's not guilty of any crime and is a hero>goes to court\n>judge doesn't convict him, only gets 300 hours community service>carries on and lives his life as normal, and is forever regarded as a hero<|endoftext|> |
>be fat fuck\n>try water fasting for 3 days\n>tough at first but hunger begins to go , away>suddenly feel energy I've never felt before in my life>finally feel alive\n>decide to break fast with a fucking juice box>each sip felt like I was shooting up heroin <|endoftext|> |
>\"Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards<|endoftext|> |
>its the year 10138 or whatever\n>people have massive space ships, laser, shielding technology and>armies fight with swords and <|endoftext|> |
>work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back>hear them whispering and discussing what to get\n>they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for I'd >they \u201clost\u201d it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22>laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag\n>drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else>I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle <|endoftext|> |
>be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it>mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >\"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind>whatever.avi >\"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted\">mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something <|endoftext|> |
>skittles make \"pride skittles\" by removing the colored ones>whites only >it literally says SS on the candy <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning\n>fuck it\n>get plastered >still very drunk >herewego.png\n>somehow make it to work in one piece\n>\u201d\u2019Hey annon what's up?\u201d\n>\"good and you?\u201d\n>awkward silence\n>suddenly have a bright idea\n>decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up\n>set alarm on phone for 30 minutes\n>wake up 10 hours later, hungover\n>slept through my alarm\n>shit.jpeg\n>think I\u2019m gonna be fired\n>fuck it, time to go home\n>boss sees me on the way out\n>\"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it\u201d>talks to me about a possible promotion\n>mfw work is easy <|endoftext|> |
>cant touch : >cant sit there with your dick out . >Just have to stare awkwardly as<|endoftext|> |
>Lived just long enough to not have Boris Johnson speak at her funeral<|endoftext|> |
> Be year 2040, women rule the world> Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men> Rihanna killing all the dudes because they found a way to reproduce without> Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > all of asudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind> beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown <|endoftext|> |
>Hate fast food _ >Not even American BURG >But the cute redhead working the>Hey, without tomatoes as usual? >Yeah, cus\u2019 you're the only red thing i'd need on my burger heh!<|endoftext|> |
>Maxed out my weights (unrelated) >Go to Dick's Sporting Goods >Grab a 45lb plate in each hand, head to check out\n>Cashier is 8/10 petite in a pink t-shirt >Plates make a satisfying thud as I lay them on the counter\n>She mirin' >I feel like a bear >I realize I am bear >Maul the cashier >Hibernate for the winter <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>college loser\n>in a math-heavy program\n>have exam coming up\n>barely study >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16%\n>prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65%>announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and>realize I'm a fucking hero\n>smoke weed and eat churros <|endoftext|> |
>Be Me >Mom and Dad both love me because I'm an only child>Were barely above the poverty line >Christmas comes >Mom buys me brand new airpods >150$ >Thank her and nearly cry >I knew they couldn't afford this >Take them back to the store they bought them at for a full cash refund>Take the cash and sneak into my parents room\n>Grab my dads wallet with the cash in hand\n>Mom walks in >She sees >Starts yelling at me >I begin to cry >Tell her its the money from the airpods >Tell her that I felt guilty knowing that these cost so much>Tell her I was putting the money into the wallet\n>We both cry for about an hour\n<|endoftext|> |
>think about moving arm\n>moves arm >just moved matter using nothing but my mind>have panic attack\n<|endoftext|> |
>$100 an hour to go to a therapist\n>$0 to just tell yourself \"it is what it is\" <|endoftext|> |
>finish putting up my \"We Don't >fall off ladder on my way down , > my wife runs out in a panic>she knows what I must do and hands me my >I'm sorry Angela >wife runs back inside with tears rolling down her >tell my children to go in the house >\"We don't dial 911\" I sob as I put the barrel in my > God Bless America <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from rape>walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard <a >lock eyes with this cat in the>she presses her paw up to the >cryinginpublic.jpg >I impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again>cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I\u2019m home and encourages me to get out of<|endoftext|> |
>feel bad for a lonely guy in my class>invite him toa cosplay event\n>he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface<|endoftext|> |