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MANAGER | Yes, Uncle Leo. I remember him. I'm sorry, our policy is we prosecute all shoplifters. | JERRY | (Pleading) Oh, come on. He's just a lonely old man. All old people steal. |
MANAGER | That's right. That's why we stopped carrying batteries. Look, I'll be honest with you, we've had a lot of trouble with theft lately - and my boss says I have to make an example to someone. | JERRY | So it could be anyone? |
MANAGER | I.. guess. As long as we catch him in the act. | JERRY | That guy! (Pointing at George) Swarm! Swarm! |
ALL (singing, competing) | For he's a jolly good fellow...happy birthday to you...for he's a jolly good fellow...birthday to you...which nobody can deny... | JERRY | What is so bad about having a little piece of cake? |
ELAINE | It is the forced socializing. I mean, just because we work in the same office, why do we have to act like we're friends? | JERRY | Why aren't you there now? |
ELAINE | I had to take a sick day. I'm so sick of these people. By the way, I talked to Lisi, and tomorrow night's good for her. | JERRY | You know, I shouldn't go out with a friend of yours. I foresee messiness. |
ELAINE | Yeah, you're better off sitting around here, reading comic books, and eating spaghetti at two in the morning.. | JERRY | Hey, speaking of tomato sauce, you want to come with me and George to Mario's Pizza? |
ELAINE | Your old high school hangout? Why? | JERRY | They're closing. We're going for one last slice. |
KRAMER | Uh-uh-uh. Step back, son, there's nothing to see here. | JERRY | Where did you get this? |
KRAMER | Well, I got it from my cop buddy Doug. | JERRY | You sure have a lot of friends. How come I never see any of these people? |
KRAMER | I'm gonna eat that later. | JERRY | So they just gave you this? |
KRAMER | Oh, it's no big deal. It's just some guy who's been running around Riverside park-pffff. You know, cutting people's heads off. | JERRY | How come I haven't read about this? |
KRAMER | Uh, Headso...uh...The Denogginizer...Son of dad. | JERRY | Son of dad? |
MARIO | No. | JERRY | We used to come in every day. |
MARIO | Oh, thanks. That'll save us. | JERRY | All right, make it the large sodas. |
GEORGE | Hey, Jerry, remember Frogger? I used to be so into this game. Gettin' that frog across the street was my entire life. | JERRY | Yeah. And then you went on to...Well, it's a good game. |
GEORGE | Ah, beat it, punk. | JERRY | Hey, look at the high score--"G.L.C." George Louis Costanza. That's not you, is it? |
GEORGE | Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still standing. No one has beaten me in like 10 years. | JERRY | I remember that night. |
MARIO | Here's your pizza pea brains. | JERRY | I think I remember why we stopped coming here. |
BECKY | Can we still it eat? | JERRY | I'll tell you Lisi, I never expected that movie to-- |
LISI | End under water? | JERRY | Be that long. I mean, most action movies are-- |
LISI | So much more violent. | JERRY | Not as long. |
LISI | Well, I should probably-- | JERRY | Get going. |
LISI | Yeah. | JERRY | Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure I'll see you-- |
LISI | Eight tomorrow? | JERRY | Actually, that's-- |
LISI | What you were thinking. | JERRY | Right. |
GEORGE | Oh! Here you are. Ha ha...You, uh, you want to-- | JERRY | Sure. (points at booth) How about this one? |
GEORGE | Well, I'm doing it, Jerry. I'm buying the Frogger machine. Now the torch will burn forever. | JERRY | Fabulous. See, now you're really do something. |
GEORGE | So, you want to come down to Mario's Pizza with me and help me pick up the Frogger? | JERRY | Hey, how you gonna keep the machine plugged in while you move it? |
GEORGE | What? | JERRY | Once you unplug the machine, all the scores will be erased. |
KRAMER | You know the police, they found another victim of the Lopper in Riverside Park. I saw the photo, and it looked a lot like you. | JERRY | Oh, come on. There's a lot of people walking around the city that look like me. |
KRAMER | You know, George, you're not gonna find an electrician like that in the yellow pages. Now, I know just the guy who can do this. | JERRY | Another friend? |
GEORGE | All right, I'm gonna find a guy with a truck. GLC must live on! | JERRY | Come on. |
KRAMER | Dng-ga-gng-ga-wt. | JERRY | Hello? |
ELAINE | So how's it going with my friend? | JERRY | She's a sentence finisher. It's like dating Mad Libs. |
ELAINE | Oh, it's a cake party. It's the third one today. I didn't realize how hooked I got on that 400 sugar rush. | JERRY | So join in. |
ELAINE | I can't. I denounced them. Maybe I'll go raid Peterman's fridge. He's always got a truffle or something in there. | JERRY | All right. |
PETERMAN | Inside that small college boy minifridge is my latest acquisition. A slice of cake from the wedding of King Edward VIII to Wallis Simpson, circa 1937, price--$29,000. | JERRY | Well Lisi, that was another- |
LISI | Lovely evening. | JERRY | Really bad meal. I was thinking maybe we should-- |
LISI | Go for a hansom cab ride? | JERRY | Call it a night. I'll walk you home. Where do you live? |
LISI | 84th street, right off Riverside Park. | JERRY | Riverside Park. |
LISI | I thought we were going-- | JERRY | Back to my place. That's right. |
GEORGE | So you slept with her? | JERRY | She lives right off Riverside Park. I was scared of the Lopper, So I let her stay over. |
GEORGE | And you automatically sleep with her? | JERRY | Well, I just wanted to make out a little, but she kind of-- |
ELAINE | No. A $29,000 piece of cake. Peterman got it at The Duke Of Windsor auction. It was the most romantic thing I've ever eaten. | JERRY | How'd it taste? |
ELAINE | A little stale. | JERRY | Yeah. |
ELAINE | Hey, so I talked to Lisi and she has got a big surprise for you. She's planning a weekend trip to Pennsylvania Dutch country. | JERRY | Pennsylvania Dutch country? Oh, that's the serious relationship weekend place. |
ELAINE | What is going on with you two? | JERRY | Well, I think by sleeping with her, I may have sent her the wrong message. |
ELAINE | 400 sugar fix. | JERRY | Well, I'm calling this off right now. |
ELAINE | No, no. You are way past the phone call breakup stage. | JERRY | Well, I'm not going over there. That's where the Lopper is. |
KRAMER | Well, no. They're not really in the supermarket. Yeah, they got their own case at the end of the aisle. | JERRY | Hi, Lisi. |
LISI | Hi, honey. Is that a bat? | JERRY | Uh, yeah. I found it on the street. It's gotta be worth something. |
LISI | So, what do you want to do, Sweetheart? | JERRY | Well, before we do anything...maybe we should talk. |
LISI | Then may I say something... without being interrupted? | JERRY | Well I'm sorry if I ruined your life. That's exactly what I set out to do. |
LISI | Are you afraid to kiss me in public? | JERRY | Have we even been in public? |
LISI | So now you're going to tell me what I'm thinking. Well, go ahead, 'cause I'd really like to know. | JERRY | You are not dumb. Don't say that.. |
LISI | 20 minutes. | JERRY | Well, I'm sorry I'm not Brad. I'm me! |
LISI | Fine. So it's over. | JERRY | Oh, thank god. Why is it dark out? What time is it? |
LISI | 930. | JERRY | We've been breaking up for 10 hours? |
LISI | Good-bye, Jerry. | JERRY | Lopper. You know, Lisi, maybe we should give this a little more time. See how it looks in the light of day. |
LISI | Out! | JERRY | Lopper. |
GEORGE | Jerry, you came for the big moment. | JERRY | No. I'm waiting for... |
GEORGE | Ha ha. Everything's timed out to perfection, Jerry. Slippery Pete's got the Frogger running on battery power, the truck will be there any minute, and Kramer's taped out the loading zone. | JERRY | Oh. Sounds great. |
GEORGE | Yeah, yeah. You gotta come over tonight. We can play. | JERRY | Oh, I can't. I'm busy. I'm going away on a long weekend. |
LISI | Look what I found. I got one for you, too. | JERRY | Great. Uh, you know what? Why don't you put it in the car so I don't toss it in that dumpster? |
LISI | Ha ha. Ok. I'll meet thee in front of your place, 15 minutes. | JERRY | A long, long weekend. |
KRAMER | Ahh! I'm out! No tape left! | JERRY | Well, come on George, I'll help you push it across. |
GEORGE | Wait a minute. This looks familiar. This reminds me of something. I can do this. | JERRY | By yourself? |
SLIPPERY PETE | So do you. | JERRY | Game over. |
GEORGE | What happened to your voice? | JERRY | I was screamin' at hecklers all night. The last time I open for a rodeo. |
GEORGE | Well, Jerry, I been thinkin'. I've gotten as far as I can go with George Costanza. | JERRY | Is this the suicide talk or the nickname talk? |
GEORGE | The nickname. George. What is that? It's nothing. It's got no snap, no zip. I need a nickname that makes people light up. | JERRY | You mean like...Liza! |
GEORGE | But I was thinking...T-bone. | JERRY | But there's no "t" in your name. What about G-bone? |
GEORGE | There's no G-bone. | JERRY | There's a g-spot. |
GEORGE | That's a myth. | JERRY | T-bone, the ladies are gonna love ya. |
ELAINE | Why did they hire you for a rodeo? | JERRY | They heard I opened for Kenny Rogers once. |
ELAINE | Didn't he throw you off a bus in the middle of Alabama or-- | JERRY | Oh, I had that comin' to me. |
ELAINE (whispering) | Why did you get a maid? | JERRY | You don't have to whisper. She knows she's a maid. |
ELAINE | Where did you get her? | JERRY | I hired her from a service! |
MAID | All done. | JERRY | Thank you. Nice job. |
MAID | Is this mine? | JERRY | Yeah. |
ELAINE | Come on, Jerry. You didn't notice? | JERRY | Notice what? She's not really even a maid. |
ELAINE | Oh. | JERRY | She wants to be an actress...or a, uh, model...or a dancer...or a...news woman. |
KRAMER | Hey. Well, bad news, boys. My life is over. My girlfriend's movin' away. | JERRY | You have a girlfriend? |
KRAMER | Jerry, where have you been? | JERRY | At a rodeo. Where's she moving? |
KRAMER | Yeah. I don't know if I can handle one of these long-distance relationships. | JERRY | It's like 10 minutes by subway. |
ELAINE | What? What is that? | JERRY | That's the new area code. They've run out of 242s, so all the new numbers are 646. |
ELAINE | I don't have a fax machine. | JERRY | Here we go. |
KRAMER | Well, now what are we gonna do? (to Jerry) See? This is why you should get a fax and a Xerox. | JERRY | And a dead bolt. |
ELAINE | Aah! | JERRY | Well Cindy, the place looks great. |
CINDY | Thanks Jerry, gotta run. | JERRY | Ok, I'll see ya. |
ELAINE | All right! You're foolin' around with your maid. That is a wise decision. | JERRY | Elaine, do you think I would go willy-nilly into a situation so obviously fraught with potential complications? |
ELAINE | You are paying a woman to come to your house and sleep with you. | JERRY | No. I pay her to clean. The rest is-- |
ELAINE | What? A health plan? | JERRY | I was going to say, "Being a good host." |
ELAINE | Oh-ho-ho. Oh. | JERRY | But the point is we have our personal relationship, and we have our work relationship. They're separate and, I think, some what sophisticated. |
ELAINE | So you consider this a relationship? | JERRY | Yes, I do. |
ELAINE | Oh. Have you been out? | JERRY | Yes, we have. |
ELAINE | Where did you go? | JERRY | The store. |
ELAINE | Mm! To get what? | JERRY | Stuff. |
ELAINE | Cleaning supplies? | JERRY | And gum. |