saikatkumardey/jerry_seinfeld_dialogues · Datasets at Hugging Face

previous_character stringlengths 2 334	previous_dialogue stringlengths 1 864	character stringclasses 1 value	dialogue stringlengths 2 1.88k
ESTELLE	Nothing. Please. I'll tell you the truth - the whole thing sounds pretty stupid to me.	JERRY	NBC is letting me use their private jet? And I can go anywhere I want? That's fantastic! Thanks. Great. Okay, bye.
KRAMER	Oh hey!	JERRY	Hey - how was the beach?
KRAMER	Oh, you missed it, buddy - lot of femininas - some major femininas	JERRY	I had a little meeting today at NBC. What are you doing?
KRAMER	You know, I went swimming and I can't get this water out of my ear.	JERRY	So do you remember five years ago, we did that pilot, "Jerry"? Well, the new guy at NBC wants to do it. They're putting it on the air! They're giving us a 13-episode commitment. George and I are moving to California!
KRAMER	You're moving to California?	JERRY	Yeah, only for a while.
KRAMER	Yeah, but Jerry, what happens if the show's a hit? You could be out there for years! You might never come back.	JERRY	No, I'll be back.
KRAMER	Jerry. It's L.A. Nobody leaves. She's a seductress, she's a siren, she's a virgin, she's a whore.	JERRY	And my agent said as a bonus, I can use their private jet, so we'll all go somewhere - the four of us, one big fling before George and I go to California.
ELAINE	So we can go anywhere we want?	JERRY	Anywhere.
ELAINE	Why are they doing this?	JERRY	I think they want to make it up to us cause they let this thing sit on their shelf for five years.
ELAINE	Oh - I got it - how about Russia?	JERRY	Russia, it's so bleak.
ELAINE	It's not bleak - it's springtime.	JERRY	It's still bleak.
ELAINE	You can't be bleak in spring.	JERRY	You can be bleak in spring.
ELAINE	All right! You know what, just forget it!	JERRY	Alright - come on - come on now, people. Let's face it, we're not all going to agree on anything. Why don't we all just go to Paris?
KRAMER	Oh yeah - oui oui.	JERRY	So that's it - it's settled, we're going to Paris.
ELAINE	Hey. NBC limo is downstairs - beep beep beep. {NBC tune} I'm just going to call Jill one more time before we go.	JERRY	Wait, you can't make a call like that on your way out. You can't rush that conversation.
ELAINE	Well, I can't call from the limo. Can I call from the plane?	JERRY	First you make a cell-phone walk-and-talk, then she loses a call-waiting face-off, now you're talking about a plane call?
NEWMAN	Hello, Jerry.	JERRY	Hello, Newman. What gives?
NEWMAN	I was speaking earlier with Kramer and he mentioned something about a private jet to Paris?	JERRY	Yeah, that's right.
NEWMAN	Well, I hear it's quite beautiful there this time of year, and of course you know I'm one-quarter French.	JERRY	Really.
NEWMAN	Oh yes, in fact I still have family there. This probably won't interest you, but I have a cousin there who's suffering very badly. She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her - bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life. But alas, I can't afford it, for I am, as you know, but a simple postal worker.	JERRY	That's a shame.
NEWMAN	Take me! Take me!	JERRY	Oh, forget it. Pull yourself together. You're making me sick. Be a man!
CAPTAIN	Ah, Jerry?	JERRY	Yeah.
CAPTAIN	I'm Captain Maddox this is my co-pilot, Kurt Adams. Ready to go to Paris?	JERRY	All set. We'll just grab the bags.
CAPTAIN	Don't worry about that. We'll take care of them for you.	JERRY	Just keeps on getting better and better.
GEORGE	I'm sorry - I have to say, I'm a little disappointed, I thought it would be a lot nicer.	JERRY	You're complaining about a private jet?
GEORGE	You think this is the plane that Ted Danson gets?	JERRY	Ted Danson is not even on the network anymore.
GEORGE	This is a real piece of junk. I don't even feel safe on this thing. I have a good mind to write a letter toMr. Kimbrough.	JERRY	You're not writing any letters!
GEORGE	Kramer, what are you doing?	JERRY	Still got water in your ear?
ELAINE	What is that noise? What is that noise?	JERRY	Kramer, what the hell did you do?
ELAINE	What's going on?	JERRY	Kramer!
GEORGE	Just when I was doing great. I told you God wouldn't let me be successful.	JERRY	Is this it? Is this how it ends? It can't- it can't end like this.
GEORGE	Jerry? Jerry can you hear me?	JERRY	Yeah.
GEORGE	There's something I have to tell you.	JERRY	What? What is it?
GEORGE	The contest - I cheated.	JERRY	Why?
GEORGE	Because I'm a cheater! I had to tell you.	JERRY	Great - I won.
ELAINE	Jerry, I gotta tell you something too.	JERRY	Yeah, Elaine I got something I want to say to you.
ELAINE	No no - me first.	JERRY	Alright.
ELAINE	We're straightening out?	JERRY	We're straightening out!
CAPTAIN	Well, again, sorry about that little mishap. But once you get everything checked out there shouldn't be anymore problems.	JERRY	Where are we?
CAPTAIN	Latham, Massachusetts. Why don't you take a cab into town, get yourself something to eat. I got your beeper number - I'll beep you as soon as we're ready.	JERRY	Okay.
ELAINE	Okay.	JERRY	We'll see you later.
ELAINE	Well, what are we going to do about Paris? I mean are we actually going to get back on this plane?	JERRY	I say we go back to New York, and take a regular flight.
GEORGE	First class doesn't make it anymore. Now you get on the phone with Kimbrough, tell him what happened and tell him to get another plane down here, but this time, the good one - the Ted Danson plane.	JERRY	Alright, I'll feel him out.
STRANGER	Nice day.	JERRY	Another one?
VOGEL	Don't shoot.	JERRY	Well, there goes the money for the lipo.
ROBBER	I want your wallet. Come on. Come on, come on.	JERRY	That's a shame. Alright, I'm gonna call NBC.
VOGEL	Officer, he's stealing my car! Officer, I was carjacked. I was held up at gunpoint! He took my wallet, everything!	JERRY	Okay, thanks anyway. They can't get another plane.
ELAINE	Forget it.	JERRY	No, no, no. We're not getting on there. Come on, let's go get something to eat in Sticksville.
OFFICER	You're under arrest.	JERRY	Under arrest? What for?
DEPUTY	Well, they just passed it last year. It's modeled after the French law. I heard about it after Princess Diana was killed and all those photographers were just standing around.	JERRY	Oh, yeah.
ELAINE	I guess we could've called for help.	JERRY	But then we would have missed the whole thing.
GEORGE	Yeah, he's right.	JERRY	I forgot about the video.
ELAINE	What is that?	JERRY	Plane's ready.
KRAMER	This is excellent huh? Don't worry I didn't use too much milk, cause I know we gotta make it last.	JERRY	You know I've had to reduce my milk level. My whole life I've always filled to at least three quarters - sometimes, to the top of the cereal. Now, to conserve, I can't even see the milk anymore. It's a big adjustment.
KRAMER	I bet.	JERRY	It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
ELAINE	Good morning, Jackie.	JERRY	Good morning.
CHILES	Do you think it's funny?	JERRY	No.
CHILES	Here.	JERRY	This one?
CHILES	That's right.	JERRY	Do I have to?
GEORGE	Jerry, did you hear that?	JERRY	Yeah.
CHOATE	Oh no.	JERRY	Gimme that rye.
CHOATE	Stop it.	JERRY	I want that rye lady.
CHOATE	Help - someone help.	JERRY	Shut up, you old bag!
BAILIFF	Call Marla Penny.	JERRY	The virgin!
HOYT	Call Donald Sanger to the stand.	JERRY	Who the hell is that?
CHILES	Bubble Boy?	JERRY	That's right, the Bubble Boy.
CHILES	What's a Bubble Boy?	JERRY	He's a boy who lives in a bubble.
GUARD	At the time, I was employed as a security guard in the parking lot at the Garden Valley Shopping Mall.	JERRY	Why would I do it unless I was in mortal danger? I know it's against the law.
GUARD	I don't know.	JERRY	Because I could get uromycitisis poisoning and die - that's why.
BAILIFF	Call Yev Kassem.	JERRY	Who?
HOYT	The state calls Mr. Babu Bhatt to the stand.	JERRY	How did they find Babu?
RIVERA	And so we wait.	JERRY	Do they make you wear uniforms in prison?
ELAINE	I think so.	JERRY	It's not that bright orange one is it?
CHILES	Hello? Damn. They're ready.	JERRY	Hey Elaine, what was it you were about to say to me on the plane when it was going down?
KRAMER	I think it's going to be okay - that girl just smiled at me.	JERRY	Maybe because she knows you're going to jail.
SIDRA	Come on, Jackie. Let's go.	JERRY	What?
CHILES	Oh, and by the way, they're real, and they're spectacular.	JERRY	Well, it's only a year. That's not so bad. We'll be out in a year, and then we'll be back
ELAINE	If I call Jill from prison, do you think that would make up for the other ones?	JERRY	Sure.
ELAINE	Cause you only get one call. The prison call is like the king of calls.	JERRY	I think that would be a very nice gesture.
KRAMER	I got it - it's out! How about that, huh? Oh, boy, what a relief.	JERRY	See now, to me, that button is in the worst possible spot.
GEORGE	Really?	JERRY	Oh yeah. The second button is the key button. It literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's too high, it's in no-man's land.
GEORGE	Haven't we had this conversation before?	JERRY	You think?
GEORGE	I think we have.	JERRY	Yeah, maybe we have.
PRISONER 1	I am.	JERRY	I'll talk slower. I'm kidding - I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D. What are you in for,sir?
PRISONER 2	Murder one.	JERRY	Murder one? Oooooo, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir - lighten up. How about you, what are you in for?
PRISONER 3	Grand theft auto.	JERRY	Grand theft auto - don't steal any of my jokes.
PRISONER 3	You suck - I'm gonna cut you.	JERRY	Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand.
GUARD	Alright, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.	JERRY	Alright, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria.

ESTELLE

Nothing. Please. I'll tell you the truth - the whole thing sounds pretty stupid to me.

JERRY

NBC is letting me use their private jet? And I can go anywhere I want? That's fantastic! Thanks. Great. Okay, bye.

KRAMER

Oh hey!

JERRY

Hey - how was the beach?

KRAMER

Oh, you missed it, buddy - lot of femininas - some major femininas

JERRY

I had a little meeting today at NBC. What are you doing?

KRAMER

You know, I went swimming and I can't get this water out of my ear.

JERRY

So do you remember five years ago, we did that pilot, "Jerry"? Well, the new guy at NBC wants to do it. They're putting it on the air! They're giving us a 13-episode commitment. George and I are moving to California!

KRAMER

You're moving to California?

JERRY

Yeah, only for a while.

KRAMER

Yeah, but Jerry, what happens if the show's a hit? You could be out there for years! You might never come back.

JERRY

No, I'll be back.

KRAMER

Jerry. It's L.A. Nobody leaves. She's a seductress, she's a siren, she's a virgin, she's a whore.

JERRY

And my agent said as a bonus, I can use their private jet, so we'll all go somewhere - the four of us, one big fling before George and I go to California.

ELAINE

So we can go anywhere we want?

JERRY

Anywhere.

ELAINE

Why are they doing this?

JERRY

I think they want to make it up to us cause they let this thing sit on their shelf for five years.

ELAINE

Oh - I got it - how about Russia?

JERRY

Russia, it's so bleak.

ELAINE

It's not bleak - it's springtime.

JERRY

It's still bleak.

ELAINE

You can't be bleak in spring.

JERRY

You can be bleak in spring.

ELAINE

All right! You know what, just forget it!

JERRY

Alright - come on - come on now, people. Let's face it, we're not all going to agree on anything. Why don't we all just go to Paris?

KRAMER

Oh yeah - oui oui.

JERRY

So that's it - it's settled, we're going to Paris.

ELAINE

Hey. NBC limo is downstairs - beep beep beep. {NBC tune} I'm just going to call Jill one more time before we go.

JERRY

Wait, you can't make a call like that on your way out. You can't rush that conversation.

ELAINE

Well, I can't call from the limo. Can I call from the plane?

JERRY

First you make a cell-phone walk-and-talk, then she loses a call-waiting face-off, now you're talking about a plane call?

NEWMAN

Hello, Jerry.

JERRY

Hello, Newman. What gives?

NEWMAN

I was speaking earlier with Kramer and he mentioned something about a private jet to Paris?

JERRY

Yeah, that's right.

NEWMAN

Well, I hear it's quite beautiful there this time of year, and of course you know I'm one-quarter French.

JERRY

Really.

NEWMAN

Oh yes, in fact I still have family there. This probably won't interest you, but I have a cousin there who's suffering very badly. She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her - bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life. But alas, I can't afford it, for I am, as you know, but a simple postal worker.

JERRY

That's a shame.

NEWMAN

Take me! Take me!

JERRY

Oh, forget it. Pull yourself together. You're making me sick. Be a man!

CAPTAIN

Ah, Jerry?

JERRY

Yeah.

CAPTAIN

I'm Captain Maddox this is my co-pilot, Kurt Adams. Ready to go to Paris?

JERRY

All set. We'll just grab the bags.

CAPTAIN

Don't worry about that. We'll take care of them for you.

JERRY

Just keeps on getting better and better.

GEORGE

I'm sorry - I have to say, I'm a little disappointed, I thought it would be a lot nicer.

JERRY

You're complaining about a private jet?

GEORGE

You think this is the plane that Ted Danson gets?

JERRY

Ted Danson is not even on the network anymore.

GEORGE

This is a real piece of junk. I don't even feel safe on this thing. I have a good mind to write a letter toMr. Kimbrough.

JERRY

You're not writing any letters!

GEORGE

Kramer, what are you doing?

JERRY

Still got water in your ear?

ELAINE

What is that noise? What is that noise?

JERRY

Kramer, what the hell did you do?

ELAINE

What's going on?

JERRY

Kramer!

GEORGE

Just when I was doing great. I told you God wouldn't let me be successful.

JERRY

Is this it? Is this how it ends? It can't- it can't end like this.

GEORGE

Jerry? Jerry can you hear me?

JERRY

Yeah.

GEORGE

There's something I have to tell you.

JERRY

What? What is it?

GEORGE

The contest - I cheated.

JERRY

Why?

GEORGE

Because I'm a cheater! I had to tell you.

JERRY

Great - I won.

ELAINE

Jerry, I gotta tell you something too.

JERRY

Yeah, Elaine I got something I want to say to you.

ELAINE

No no - me first.

JERRY

Alright.

ELAINE

We're straightening out?

JERRY

We're straightening out!

CAPTAIN

Well, again, sorry about that little mishap. But once you get everything checked out there shouldn't be anymore problems.

JERRY

Where are we?

CAPTAIN

Latham, Massachusetts. Why don't you take a cab into town, get yourself something to eat. I got your beeper number - I'll beep you as soon as we're ready.

JERRY

Okay.

ELAINE

Okay.

JERRY

We'll see you later.

ELAINE

Well, what are we going to do about Paris? I mean are we actually going to get back on this plane?

JERRY

I say we go back to New York, and take a regular flight.

GEORGE

First class doesn't make it anymore. Now you get on the phone with Kimbrough, tell him what happened and tell him to get another plane down here, but this time, the good one - the Ted Danson plane.

JERRY

Alright, I'll feel him out.

STRANGER

Nice day.

JERRY

Another one?

VOGEL

Don't shoot.

JERRY

Well, there goes the money for the lipo.

ROBBER

I want your wallet. Come on. Come on, come on.

JERRY

That's a shame. Alright, I'm gonna call NBC.

VOGEL

Officer, he's stealing my car! Officer, I was carjacked. I was held up at gunpoint! He took my wallet, everything!

JERRY

Okay, thanks anyway. They can't get another plane.

ELAINE

Forget it.

JERRY

No, no, no. We're not getting on there. Come on, let's go get something to eat in Sticksville.

OFFICER

You're under arrest.

JERRY

Under arrest? What for?

DEPUTY

Well, they just passed it last year. It's modeled after the French law. I heard about it after Princess Diana was killed and all those photographers were just standing around.

JERRY

Oh, yeah.

ELAINE

I guess we could've called for help.

JERRY

But then we would have missed the whole thing.

GEORGE

Yeah, he's right.

JERRY

I forgot about the video.

ELAINE

What is that?

JERRY

Plane's ready.

KRAMER

This is excellent huh? Don't worry I didn't use too much milk, cause I know we gotta make it last.

JERRY

You know I've had to reduce my milk level. My whole life I've always filled to at least three quarters - sometimes, to the top of the cereal. Now, to conserve, I can't even see the milk anymore. It's a big adjustment.

KRAMER

I bet.

JERRY

It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

ELAINE

Good morning, Jackie.

JERRY

Good morning.

CHILES

Do you think it's funny?

JERRY

No.

CHILES

Here.

JERRY

This one?

CHILES

That's right.

JERRY

Do I have to?

GEORGE

Jerry, did you hear that?

JERRY

Yeah.

CHOATE

Oh no.

JERRY

Gimme that rye.

CHOATE

Stop it.

JERRY

I want that rye lady.

CHOATE

Help - someone help.

JERRY

Shut up, you old bag!

BAILIFF

Call Marla Penny.

JERRY

The virgin!

HOYT

Call Donald Sanger to the stand.

JERRY

Who the hell is that?

CHILES

Bubble Boy?

JERRY

That's right, the Bubble Boy.

CHILES

What's a Bubble Boy?

JERRY

He's a boy who lives in a bubble.

GUARD

At the time, I was employed as a security guard in the parking lot at the Garden Valley Shopping Mall.

JERRY

Why would I do it unless I was in mortal danger? I know it's against the law.

GUARD

I don't know.

JERRY

Because I could get uromycitisis poisoning and die - that's why.

BAILIFF

Call Yev Kassem.

JERRY

Who?

HOYT

The state calls Mr. Babu Bhatt to the stand.

JERRY

How did they find Babu?

RIVERA

And so we wait.

JERRY

Do they make you wear uniforms in prison?

ELAINE

I think so.

JERRY

It's not that bright orange one is it?

CHILES

Hello? Damn. They're ready.

JERRY

Hey Elaine, what was it you were about to say to me on the plane when it was going down?

KRAMER

I think it's going to be okay - that girl just smiled at me.

JERRY

Maybe because she knows you're going to jail.

SIDRA

Come on, Jackie. Let's go.

JERRY

What?

CHILES

Oh, and by the way, they're real, and they're spectacular.

JERRY

Well, it's only a year. That's not so bad. We'll be out in a year, and then we'll be back

ELAINE

If I call Jill from prison, do you think that would make up for the other ones?

JERRY

Sure.

ELAINE

Cause you only get one call. The prison call is like the king of calls.

JERRY

I think that would be a very nice gesture.

KRAMER

I got it - it's out! How about that, huh? Oh, boy, what a relief.

JERRY

See now, to me, that button is in the worst possible spot.

GEORGE

Really?

JERRY

Oh yeah. The second button is the key button. It literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's too high, it's in no-man's land.

GEORGE

Haven't we had this conversation before?

JERRY

You think?

GEORGE

I think we have.

JERRY

Yeah, maybe we have.

PRISONER 1

I am.

JERRY

I'll talk slower. I'm kidding - I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D. What are you in for,sir?

PRISONER 2

Murder one.

JERRY

Murder one? Oooooo, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir - lighten up. How about you, what are you in for?

PRISONER 3

Grand theft auto.

JERRY

Grand theft auto - don't steal any of my jokes.

PRISONER 3

You suck - I'm gonna cut you.

JERRY

Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand.

GUARD

Alright, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.

JERRY

Alright, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria.