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speaker;replica;ep_id
{system};[The episode opens with a bubble transition, and we see a coral reef under the sea. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the city of Bikini Bottom. It continues zooming to show a brown rock, a Moai head, and a pineapple, which each contain inhabitants.];s1e1_1
French Narrator;Ah, the sea... so fascinating. So wonderful. Here, we see Bikini Bottom, teeming with life. [shows from left to right Patrick's, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses. Zooms in on SpongeBob's house.] Home to one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.;s1e1_2
{system};[Scene cuts to the house's bedroom. A sea snail, named Gary, is seen sleeping near a pile of newspapers on the floor, a scallop is seen in a birdcage, and a young, optimistic yellow sea sponge, named SpongeBob, is seen sleeping in his bed, snoring as his foghorn alarm clock ticks. SpongeBob's alarm then sounds. He wakes, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile on his face, turns it off. He climbs from his bed to a ladder, leading to his diving board.];s1e1_3
SpongeBob; [jumps on the diving board] Look at me, I'm... [jumps up, and leaves his underwear behind] ..naked! [lands inside his pants, then runs toward the exercise room. His head pops out of the top of his pants.] Gotta be in top physical condition for today, Gary.;s1e1_4
Gary;Meow.;s1e1_5
SpongeBob;"[taking deep breaths, he prepares to lift a barbell that is balanced by two lightweight stuffed animals. He sticks out his chest, but almost passes out because he can barely lift it. He drops it, and it makes a ""squeak"" noise] I'm ready! [runs outside] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! [as he speaks, a dimwitted sea star's rock tilts upwards with a chubby pink starfish named Patrick stuck to its underside.]";s1e1_6
Patrick;Go, SpongeBob! [falls] Whoa! ;s1e1_7
{system};[crash sound effect];s1e1_8
SpongeBob;[runs down the street to the Krusty Krab] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! [jumps in the air as the scene freezes and a title reads SpongeBob SquarePants];s1e1_9
French Narrator; SpongeBob SquarePants! ;s1e1_10
{system};[It shows SpongeBob running through various landscapes, as it shows a frozen scene of SpongeBob standing in front of the Krusty Krab the scene unfreezes and then the episode continues as normal];s1e1_11
{system};[bubble transitions to the Krusty Krab];s1e1_12
SpongeBob;There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look 'em straight in the eye [breaks the fourth wall and looks the audience in the eye], lay it on the line and... I can't do this! [starts to run home, but Patrick stops him.] Hey, Patrick-;s1e1_13
Patrick;Where do you think you're going?;s1e1_14
SpongeBob;I was just...;s1e1_15
Patrick;No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab and get! That! Job!;s1e1_16
SpongeBob;I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough.;s1e1_17
Patrick;"Whose first words were ""May I take your order?""?";s1e1_18
SpongeBob;Mine were.;s1e1_19
Patrick;Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop?;s1e1_20
SpongeBob;I did.;s1e1_21
Patrick;[grimaces and contorts twice while trying to come up with a good third line] Who's a, uh, who's uh, oh! And who's a big yellow cube with holes?;s1e1_22
SpongeBob;I am!;s1e1_23
Patrick;Who's ready?;s1e1_24
SpongeBob;I'm ready!;s1e1_25
Patrick;Who's ready?!;s1e1_26
SpongeBob;I'm ready! [runs toward the Krusty Krab.] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!;s1e1_27
{system};[A turquoise octopus is seen cleaning graffiti on the restaurant's windows. That octopus, named Squidward, is spraying stain remover and attempting to wipe off the graffiti.];s1e1_28
Squidward;" [cleaning graffiti of himself with the word ""loser,"" sees SpongeBob, and sighs] Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want? ";s1e1_29
SpongeBob; [in background, at first while Squidward was talking] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, self! ;s1e1_30
{system}; [Squidward looks at the Help Wanted sign, screams, and runs inside to warn Mr. Krabs] ;s1e1_31
Squidward;" [While SpongeBob says, ""I'm ready,"" one more time in the background] Mr. Krabs! [cuts to the ordering window, where a greedy crab is seen happily sniffing a handful of money. Squidward runs up to him.] Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you- [interrupted by SpongeBob] ";s1e1_32
SpongeBob; Permission to come aboard, captain! [deep voice] I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew [normal voice] and now I'm ready! ;s1e1_33
{system}; [SpongeBob trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. He bounces back and forth on the ground, and shouts and blurts incomprehensibly upon each hit. The restaurant manager, a red crab named Mr. Krabs, and Squidward look at each other. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling. SpongeBob yet again shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs.] ;s1e1_34
SpongeBob; So, uh, when do I start? ;s1e1_35
MrKrabs; Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs. ;s1e1_36
SpongeBob; Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me. ;s1e1_37
{system}; [Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob. Squidward looks at Mr. Krabs.] ;s1e1_38
Squidward; [deep breath] No. ;s1e1_39
{system}; [Mr. Krabs winks. Squidward and Mr. Krabs head back to SpongeBob, who looks completely puzzled at what he's hearing] ;s1e1_40
Mr. Krabs ; Well, lad, we'll give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me... a... [SpongeBob takes out a notepad] uh, hydrodynamic spatula... [SpongeBob quickly jots down what he says] with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, [more scribbling] and, uh... turbo drive. [more scribbling] And don't come back �til you get one. [puts a Krusty Krab crew hat on SpongeBob's head.] ;s1e1_41
{system}; [SpongeBob sees how he looks in a mirror, there are sparkles on his hat, and he has a huge, satisfied smile] ;s1e1_42
SpongeBob; [saluting Krabs] Aye aye, captain! [reading] One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir! [salutes again] ;s1e1_43
Mr. Krabs ; Carry on! [SpongeBob leaves] We'll never see that lubber again. ;s1e1_44
Squidward; [smiling] You're terrible. A hydro-what? ;s1e1_45
{system}; [Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh. While Squidward laughs, his nose moves distinctly while he inhales and exhales. Mr. Krabs' laugh sounds like a pirate. As they laugh, SpongeBob is shown leaving the Krusty Krab. As SpongeBob fades out of sight, five buses drive toward the Krusty Krab from the opposite direction.] ;s1e1_46
Bus driver ; Hey! Hey! Please! Passengers are to stay seated and not put their fins out the window! ;s1e1_47
{system}; [The five buses surround the Krusty Krab and the bus doors open. Mr. Krabs stops laughing. Squidward also stops laughing but embarrassingly smiles at Mr. Krabs' attentive gesture.] ;s1e1_48
Mr. Krabs ; [gasps] That sounded like hatch doors! [sniffs repeatedly] Do you smell it? That smell... A kind of smelly smell... A smelly smell that smells... smelly... [his eyes widen] Anchovies. ;s1e1_49
Squidward;What?;s1e1_50
Mr. Krabs ;Anchovies!;s1e1_51
{system};" [The anchovies get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word ""eat"" over and over again] ";s1e1_52
Squidward; Please, please, quiet! [the anchovies stop talking] Is this any way to behave, hmm? ;s1e1_53
Anchovy;Eat.;s1e1_54
Squidward; Could we show a little decency and form a neat, single file line in front of the register? ;s1e1_55
{system};" [The anchovies stare for a moment, then pick up the boat, as their cries of ""eat!"" become more intense. Cut to Barg'N-Mart as SpongeBob enters.] ";s1e1_56
SpongeBob; [singing to himself] Barg'N-Mart, meeting all of your spatula needs. ;s1e1_57
{system}; [Cuts back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are still in the boat register, and being tossed around like a ship in a storm.] ;s1e1_58
Mr. Krabs ; All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants! ;s1e1_59
Squidward; One single file line is all I ask! ;s1e1_60
Mr. Krabs ; Whoa! [he and Squidward are thrown up in the air] Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward! [they get thrown back up again with Krabs clutching Squidward] I want my mommy, Mr. Squidward! [cuts to Barg'N-Mart] ;s1e1_61
SpongeBob; [singing] Do do do do do do, spatula, spatula, port-and-starboard attachments. ;s1e1_62
{system}; [Cuts back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are sent towards a pole by a wave of anchovies.] ;s1e1_63
Squidward;Help!;s1e1_64
Mr. Krabs ; Man overboard! Climb, Mr. Squidward! Climb! [They climb the mast, while the anchovies try to get them down. The anchovies then form a big wave twice.] ;s1e1_65
{system}; Eat! Eat! ;s1e1_66
Mr. Krabs ; This is the end! [shaking hands with Squidward] Goodbye, Mr. Squidward! ;s1e1_67
Squidward; Oh, Mr. Krabs! ;s1e1_68
{system}; [Mr. Krabs and Squidward cry, then SpongeBob comes in with red lights flashing and flying with the spatula, singing a heroic tune] ;s1e1_69
SpongeBob; Permission to come aboard captain! Da da da da da da da! Da da da da da da da da da da! Did someone order a spatula? ;s1e1_70
Mr. Krabs ; [stuttering in shock at SpongeBob getting the hydrodynamic spatula] ;s1e1_71
SpongeBob; That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with [two spatulas pop out on the sides of the previous one] port-and-starboard attachments! And let's not forget the turbo drive! [the two extending spatulas twirl around and smack Squidward and Mr. Krabs in the face] Would you believe they only had one in stock? To the kitchen! [to the anchovies] Who's hungry?! ;s1e1_72
{system};" [Tiny Tim's ""Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight"" plays while SpongeBob flies through the kitchen window. A montage of SpongeBob making and serving Krabby Patties plays. SpongeBob crashes into a box of patties and shoots them with his eyes toward the grill.] ";s1e1_73
{system};" [SpongeBob becomes a number ""1"" followed by ascending numbers up to ""4."" He squeezes a bottle of ketchup and mustard on Krabby Patty to form a smiley face. He adds a patty and the rest of the toppings on top of the lower bun to form a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob serves the Krabby Patty. Some of the anchovies noticed, and one of them caught a Krabby Patty. All of the anchovies look toward the window to anticipate more Krabby Patties. SpongeBob then serves up Krabby Patty after Krabby Patty. He repeats chopping vegetables and serving yet more Krabby Patties. Numerous Krabby Patties are launched through the order window to the hungry anchovies.] ";s1e1_74
Mr. Krabs ; That was the finest fast-foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants. Welcome aboard. [gives SpongeBob a name tag] ;s1e1_75
Squidward; B-but, but, Mr. Krabs... ;s1e1_76
Mr. Krabs ; Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip! ;s1e1_77
Squidward; [weakly] Hooray, Mr.� ;s1e1_78
Mr. Krabs ;Hip-hip!;s1e1_79
Squidward; [quickly] Hooray. ;s1e1_80
Mr. Krabs ;Hip-hip!;s1e1_81
Squidward; [quickly] Hooray. Mr. Krabs� ;s1e1_82
Mr. Krabs ; I'll be in my quarters, counting up the booty. [wheels a wheelbarrow piled with an enormous stack of cash to his office. As he walks towards his office, Patrick enters] ;s1e1_83
Patrick; Good morning, Krusty Krew! ;s1e1_84
Squidward; What would you like to order, Patrick? ;s1e1_85
Patrick; One Krabby Patty, please. ;s1e1_86
{system};" [The instrumental to ""Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight"" starts playing. SpongeBob flies back to the kitchen, using his spatula] ";s1e1_87
Squidward;What?;s1e1_88
{system}; [A score of Krabby Patties is immediately fired through the servery, which Squidward dodges, colliding into Patrick and sending him flying out of the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Krusty Krab exterior [crashing noise.];s1e1_89
Patrick;[screams];s1e1_90
Squidward; Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs, come see your new employee! ;s1e1_91
{system};" [The final instrumental of Tiny Tim's ""Livin' in the Sunlight"" plays (xylophone solo, followed by a timpani beat and a final note), and the further sounds of shooting Krabby Patties and smashed glass play at the same time, ending the episode] ";s1e1_92
{system}; [The episode opens up with SpongeBob's, Patrick's, and Squidward's houses.] ;s1e2_1
{system}; [The scene pans to show that everything on his lawn is clean, except for a seashell on the left side of it.] ;s1e2_2
{system}; [The camera shows Squidward angry. He walks over to the seashell, looks around, and kicks it onto SpongeBob's lawn while whistling casually.] ;s1e2_3
{system}; [The scene then changes to show SpongeBob's house. As soon as the window opens, SpongeBob's face is shown. He exits through his window and sits on its rim. He notices the seashell on his lawn, he gets an idea and starts sliding to the back of his house to his garage to get a reef blower. The giant backpack-like container, with a blower hose, which looks like a jet engine, a power switch, and a pull starter.] ;s1e2_4
{system}; [The scene changes to show Squidward resting on his hammock.] ;s1e2_5
{system}; [Squidward hears the reef blower's motor throbbing. He sees SpongeBob exiting out of his garage with the reef blower. Squidward grumbles and puts in his earplugs so that he can continue to rest.] ;s1e2_6
{system}; [SpongeBob gets to the seashell and tries to blow it away from his lawn by using the reef blower. He does this twice. He then blows extra hard, and a huge amount of sand is thrown in the air.] ;s1e2_7
{system}; [The scene changes to show Squidward eating some vegetables and then, the huge amount of sand falls from the sky and buries him. SpongeBob runs towards Squidward and blows the sand away.] ;s1e2_8
{system}; [Squidward looks at a leaf on his plate with grains of sand on it.] ;s1e2_9
{system}; [SpongeBob cleans the leaf in front of Squidward's head, tearing apart half of the leaf and causing grains of sand to get into Squidward's eyes. SpongeBob cleans Squidward's eyes with another blow.] ;s1e2_10
{system}; [The scene changes to show a large pile of sand on SpongeBob's lawn.] ;s1e2_11
{system};" [SpongeBob points his finger to it and mouths a word and the caption reads ""You!"" He walks to the pile of sand, sets the reef blower to reverse, and uses it to suck up the sand from his lawn.] ";s1e2_12
{system}; [The scene changes to show SpongeBob's lawn clean, but then the reef blower starts breaking apart, throwing out sand and parts of the machinery.] ;s1e2_13
{system}; [SpongeBob takes off the reef blower. He unzips the pack. He goes over to pick up the thrown-out contents. The reef blower coughs while he is absent. He returns with large hands carrying the thrown-out contents. He zips it back up and pulls the pull starter in an attempt to try to start it. The motor starts and then dies.] ;s1e2_14
{system}; [The camera shows him becoming angry or just determined. The scene changes and he pulls the handle very far.] ;s1e2_15
{system}; [SpongeBob lets go of the handle, which stays still. SpongeBob wipes his hands together. He grabs the handle again. The handle pulls him away, leaving a bubble silhouette of SpongeBob that quickly dissolves. SpongeBob passes an intersection where two fish in two different cars going opposite directions stop. He passes some houses and finally returns to the reef blower, where he gets strapped in.] ;s1e2_16
{system}; [The reef blower starts, sucking up all the water in the sea, causing Squidward, who is sitting on his front doorstep, to gasp due to the inability to breathe air. His eyes also change into X's.] ;s1e2_17
{system}; [The scene changes to show the reef blower massive, and then it explodes, causing water to cover the screen. When the water stops, the screen shows big piles of sand everywhere, but SpongeBob's lawn is relatively clean.] ;s1e2_18
{system}; [SpongeBob exits one of the piles, wipes his hands together, and happily enters his house.] ;s1e2_19
{system}; [Episode ends with Squidward at his doorstep, with a pile of sand covering him except for his head. The seashell falls on Squidward's nose. Squidward narrows his eyelids.] ;s1e2_20
SpongeBob; [stands in Jellyfish Fields. A blue jellyfish floats by SpongeBob. SpongeBob creeps from behind a bush and stares at the jellyfish through a telescope. Cuts to his view with the telescope] Wow, four stingers. [puts away the telescope and puts on his glasses. Cuts to the jellyfish, where SpongeBob floats over it with his net. Cuts to the jellyfish alone, where SpongeBob's foot stretches out from off-screen and then the rest of his body appears. He attempts to grab the jellyfish in his net, but he catches himself in the net, then the jellyfish flies away. In the background, a young girl's voice is heard struggling. SpongeBob looks down a cliff and sees a land creature trying to fight a giant clam that's attempting to eat her. SpongeBob gasps.] Where have I seen this before? [takes out his Field Guide book and skims through the pages] Here it is. [cut to picture of a squirrel] Land squirrel. [closes the book] That little squirrel is in trouble. [cuts to the squirrel, named Sandy, who is pushing the clam into the ground] ;s1e3_1
Sandy; Take that, you sorry old clam! Y'all need to learn some manners! [walks away] You're about as ugly as homemade soup. ;s1e3_2
SpongeBob; Hooray, land squirrel! [cuts back to the land squirrel, who is oblivious to the clam resurfacing and jumping right at her. Cuts to SpongeBob, who is shocked, his glasses shoot up] Look out! [scene cuts to the clam with Sandy trying to escape the clam] Hold on, little squirrel! [does a karate yell in front of the clam, then does the same while bouncing to different sides. He jumps high in the air, and lands on top of the clam;s1e3_3
{system}; [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and starts to charge at the clam. He jumps into the clam's mouth and starts to strangle its tongue. SpongeBob sees that Sandy has already escaped and the clam swallows him now.] ;s1e3_4
Sandy; Hold on there, little square dude! [gets SpongeBob out and kicks the clam around some more and finally kicks it across the sea. The clam whimpers. Sandy leans down to see if SpongeBob is okay.] ;s1e3_5
SpongeBob; Hey, you like karate too. [does some karate poses, then he stops and falls flat on his head] So, what's your name? ;s1e3_6
Sandy; Sandy. [makes athletic moves] So what do y'all call yourself? ;s1e3_7
SpongeBob; [runs up a big rock] I'm SpongeBob! [jumps down, SpongeBob soon lands on one of his corners] ;s1e3_8
Sandy; Well, SpongeBob, take a gander at this. [walks next to a huge rock closes her eyes and slaps it with her hand, making a gong sound effect, SpongeBob is confused as nothing seems to have happen, but then cracking sounds are heard and rock shakes and breaks into pieces] ;s1e3_9
SpongeBob; Oh. [Sandy grins and blinks] Oh, yeah? Watch this! [prepares to do a karate move, but all he does is make an armpit fart noise. Sandy walks on-screen giggling] ;s1e3_10
Sandy; I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hi-yah! [karate chops SpongeBob�s head.] ;s1e3_11
SpongeBob; Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hi-yah! [karate chops her helmet, but realizes it hurts.] Ow. Say, what is that thing on your head? ;s1e3_12
Sandy; Why, that's my air helmet. ;s1e3_13
SpongeBob; May I try it on? ;s1e3_14
Sandy; Heck no. I need it to breathe. I gotta have my air. ;s1e3_15
SpongeBob; Me too. I love air. Air is good. ;s1e3_16
Sandy; No kidding? ;s1e3_17
SpongeBob;" Why, ""air"" is my middle name. The more air, the better. Can't get enough of that air. ";s1e3_18
Sandy; Shee-oot. How about comin' over tomorrow for tea and cookies then? [shows a map leading to Sandy's house] Don't be late. ;s1e3_19
SpongeBob; Okay, see you tomorrow. [runs to Patrick's house. Patrick is sun tanning on his rock] Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, Patrick, Patrick! What's air? ;s1e3_20
Patrick;Huh?;s1e3_21
SpongeBob; I just met this girl. She wears a hat full of... air. ;s1e3_22
Patrick;" Do you mean she puts on ""airs""? ";s1e3_23
SpongeBob; I guess so. ;s1e3_24
Patrick; That's just fancy talk. If you wanna be fancy, hold your pinky up like this. The higher you hold it, the fancier you are. ;s1e3_25
SpongeBob; [holds his pinky up] How's that? ;s1e3_26
Patrick;Higher.;s1e3_27
SpongeBob; Like that? ;s1e3_28
Patrick; Now that's fancy. They should call you SpongeBob FancyPants. [cuts to Sandy's treedome] Remember: When in doubt, pinky out. You can do it, SpongeBob. I'll be watching. [opens the door as SpongeBob walks in with his pinky raised high and flowers in his right hand.] ;s1e3_29
SpongeBob; Thanks, pal. [rings the doorbell with a bouquet in his hand] ;s1e3_30
Sandy;Hello?;s1e3_31
SpongeBob; Hi-ya, Sandy. It�s me, SpongeBob. ;s1e3_32
Sandy; Hold on a sec, I'll let you in. ;s1e3_33
SpongeBob; [whistles then all the water goes down the drain, then bangs on the door] Sandy! Sandy! Open up! Sandy! Sandy! [Sandy opens the door and SpongeBob jiggles on the ground] Sandy, something's gone terribly wrong. There's no water in... [looks around] ...here. ;s1e3_34
Sandy; �Course there's no water. Nuttin' but air. ;s1e3_35
SpongeBob; [waves his hand around and smells the air] No water? ;s1e3_36
Sandy; That ain't a problem, is it? Hi-yah! ;s1e3_37
SpongeBob; Problem? [laughing] Hi-yah! That's how I like my air! [takes a deep breath as Sandy walks off. As soon as she leaves, he lets it all out, and gets black circles around his eyes] With no water. ;s1e3_38
Sandy; [cartwheeling] Well, alright. I made Texas tea and cookies. Well, come on in! Hi-yah! [SpongeBob is walking an inch forward and it makes weak squeaking sounds with every step] That's not in. In. [SpongeBob walks another inch and there is more squeaking. Sandy runs, gets SpongeBob, takes his hand, and runs off] You're a funny little dude. Come on, I'll give you the grand tour. [fades to the blazing sun and pan down where Sandy and SpongeBob are standing] So this is my own private little air bubble. This air is the driest... [SpongeBob gasps] ...purest... [SpongeBob gasps again] ...most airiest air in the whole sea. Oh, over there's my birdbath. [Cuts to the birdbath, where an orange bird is splashing and chirping] And that's my oak tree. [SpongeBob seems enticed by the water in the birdbath. He tries to sneak away, but stays until Sandy lets her guard down] It provides me with extra air. This dome is made of the finest polyurethane, that's a fancy word for plastic. Ain't that just the bee's knees? [SpongeBob nods] Tell you what, weren't easy getting here neither. First, I... [SpongeBob finally escapes and wallows in the birdbath, absorbing all the water. He then jumps back to his original spot, and the bird is quite angry. SpongeBob gets back before Sandy notices] ...that's my treadmill. That's how I stay in tip-top shape. Well, come on. Let�s have that tea now. [does in-air karate moves and moves off-screen. SpongeBob gasps. He hears some knocking from outside. It's Patrick, pointing at his pinky] ;s1e3_39
Patrick; Pinky. Pinky. ;s1e3_40
SpongeBob; [blinks, weakly holds up his pinky, and gasps again. Fade to him sitting at a picnic bench. He now has little wrinkles around his eyes and his mouth is all puckered up. He holds up his bouquet] I brought you some flowers. ;s1e3_41
Sandy; [walks over] For me? How sweet. [grabs the flowers, but SpongeBob refuses to let go. She finally pries them loose and part of SpongeBob's pinky falls off. He closes his hand] You okay? ;s1e3_42
SpongeBob; [the black circles around his eyes are gone. His voice is now hoarse] Yes, I'm okay. ;s1e3_43
Sandy; You know, you're the first sea critter to ever visit. ;s1e3_44
SpongeBob; I can�t imagine why. ;s1e3_45
Sandy; Can I get you anything? ;s1e3_46
SpongeBob; Water would be nice. ;s1e3_47
Sandy; I'm gonna put these in a vase. ;s1e3_48
SpongeBob; Take your time. [Sandy goes in her tree and closes the door off-screen. SpongeBob hears it, he then gasps and stumbles toward the door and struggles to open it] I gotta get out of here! [screams and then thinks] ;s1e3_49
Sandy; [in SpongeBob's head] I like you, SpongeBob. We could be tighter than bark on a tree. ;s1e3_50
{system}; [SpongeBob struggles even more] ;s1e3_51
Patrick; [in SpongeBob's head] When in doubt, pinky out. ;s1e3_52
SpongeBob; [lifts his pinky up and gets confidence and victorious music plays.] I don't need water! Water's for quitters! I don't need it! I don't need it! I don't need it! I don't need it, I don't need it... [sits down, loses confidence again and the music stops] ;s1e3_53
Sandy; Why, these flowers are just beautiful! [sniffs] They'll last much, much longer in a vase full of ice cold water. [puts the vase down. SpongeBob is totally enticed by the water. Sandy sits down across from him] So tell me about yourself. [puts her hands under head feeling fascinated about SpongeBob sharing himself] It must be fascinating bein' a sea critter. [SpongeBob watches a drop of water drop down the side of the glass] SpongeBob? [a timer goes off] Oh, there's the cookies. [walks back into the tree] Be right back. ;s1e3_54
SpongeBob; [thinking] I don't need it, I don't need it, I definitely don't need it. [close-up of SpongeBob's face. He's really shriveled now] I don't need it. [close-up of vase, then another one of SpongeBob's face] I don't need it. [close-up of vase] I don't need it. [close-up of SpongeBob's face] I don't need it. [long pause, finally yelling] I need it! [shoots up into the air, bounces off the ceiling and holds the vase.] ;s1e3_55
Patrick; No, SpongeBob! No, no, no! Stop! Pinky! Pinky! ;s1e3_56
SpongeBob; [holds up his pinky and starts guzzling down the whole vase of water] I'm a quitter! [screams and runs around] ;s1e3_57
Patrick; [enters into the dome and slams the door shut] You can't leave now. You'll blow it. ;s1e3_58
SpongeBob; [muffled while hanging on the door] Air is not good, Patrick. Air is not good. ;s1e3_59
Patrick; [grabs SpongeBob off the door] You're just being shy. [carries SpongeBob to the picnic table] Don't worry, buddy. You're doing fine. [starts getting weak] I won't let you blow... this. [drops SpongeBob and crawls on the floor, panting. He coughs and sputters, then stands up] What kind of place is this?! [runs toward the door and tries to open it] There's no water in here! ;s1e3_60
SpongeBob; [joins in on the door-opening struggle] I tried to tell you! ;s1e3_61
Patrick; We've gotta get out of here! ;s1e3_62
SpongeBob; You're... doing it... wrong! ;s1e3_63
Patrick; Wait, no! We've got to get out! [The two pass out.] ;s1e3_64
{system}; [fades to the sun] ;s1e3_65
Sandy; [walks out of the tree with tea and cookies] Come and get it! Y'all gonna like this... ;s1e3_66
{system}; [She screams and drops her tray. On the grass is a live-action sponge and starfish. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick leaning against a ladder with two goldfish helmets on. Sandy, on top of the ladder, uses a hose to fill those helmets with water, so they can finally breathe.] ;s1e3_67
Sandy; There, that oughta do it! If y'all needed water, you shoulda asked. [carries over a tray with three tea glasses. Everyone takes one] I propose a toast, to new friends. [drinks it while SpongeBob and Patrick lift their drinks up and they clink the glasses on the helmets, causing them to spill] Hold on a second. [places a tea bag in each helmet, allowing the two to drink the tea water] I hope you like your tea strong. Drink up! [Patrick nudges SpongeBob and they both put their pinkies up. They sip the tea.] ;s1e3_68
{system}; [The episode starts with a view of the houses of Patrick, Squidward, and SpongeBob. The screen zooms in closer, and fades to a view of SpongeBob's entrance.] ; s1e4_1
SpongeBob; [walks outside his house, and breathes in the fresh air] Ahh, what a wonderful day. The sun is out, the water is shimmering, scallops are chirping. So peaceful. [grabs wood, a hammer, and some nails, and starts to noisily build a stand. Squidward peeks his head out the window.] ; s1e4_2
Squidward; Can we lower the volume, please? I can't work with all that racket going on! ; s1e4_3
SpongeBob; Oh, sure thing, Squidward. ; s1e4_4
Squidward; Yes. Mmm. Right. Mmm. ; s1e4_5
SpongeBob; Okay. [taps on a nail lightly, and he looks up at Squidward's window. He does it again, and continues to, making sure he doesn't make too much noise. Meanwhile, in Squidward's house, Squidward has his clarinet in his hand.] ; s1e4_6
Squidward; And now... for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. [starts to play while SpongeBob looks up and sees that Squidward is playing, so he decides to finish his stand quickly. Squidward looks out the window again.] ; s1e4_7
Squidward; I thought I... Huh? ; s1e4_8
SpongeBob; Hey, Squidward. Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents. ; s1e4_9
Squidward; Oh, right. Like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles. ; s1e4_10
SpongeBob; Uh huh. ; s1e4_11
Squidward; Oh, puh-lease. I mean, who in the world would pay to blow bubbles? [Patrick comes out of his house, stuck to the underside of the rock] ; s1e4_12
Patrick; Good morning. [a TV, lamp, and chair are seen below Patrick's rock. Patrick falls off his rock, onto his furniture, and begins screaming] ; s1e4_13
Squidward; Oh, boy. [Patrick walks over to SpongeBob] ; s1e4_14
SpongeBob; Good morning to you, sir. Would you care to blow a bubble? ; s1e4_15
Patrick; Hmm, how much is it? ; s1e4_16
SpongeBob; Only a quarter. ; s1e4_17
Patrick; Sounds reasonable. [whispering] Uh, I'm going to need to borrow a quarter. ; s1e4_18
SpongeBob; Sure thing, Patrick. [pulls out a quarter and he gives it to Patrick] ; s1e4_19
Patrick; Ah, one quarter. [hands the quarter back to SpongeBob, whom bites it to see if it's real] ; s1e4_20
SpongeBob; Thank you. [cuts back to Squidward] ; s1e4_21
Squidward; Hmm, business is booming. [laughs] How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors? Uh-huh. [continues playing. Cut back to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob dips the wand in the bubble soap] ; s1e4_22
SpongeBob;" One bubble wand, dipped and ready to go. [Patrick grabs the wand from SpongeBob, inhales deeply and begins to blow, but a bubble doesn't come out. He pants and blows again. After a while, SpongeBob puts up a ""Lessons"" sign. Patrick then loses his breath] Could I interest you in some lessons? Only 25 cents. "; s1e4_23
Patrick; Uh, very well, then. Hey, Sponge, can I borrow another quarter? [SpongeBob hands Patrick a quarter] Thanks. [winks and hands the quarter back to SpongeBob] ; s1e4_24
SpongeBob; Okay, Patrick, it's all in the technique. [starts doing his infamous routine] First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times: one, two, three. Then, pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-around-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, and that, and-this-and-that-and-this-and-that, and then... [blows bubbles shaped like ducks] ; s1e4_25
Patrick; Oooh. [SpongeBob pops out of nowhere and blows a box. Patrick giggles and SpongeBob blows a caterpillar] Ah! [The caterpillar then pops one-by-one, with descending sounds. Patrick continues to giggle. SpongeBob blows a tugboat, and it floats off, pops, and makes a foghorn noise. Cuts to inside of Squidward's house] ; s1e4_26
Squidward; Huh? [shakes his clarinet. Cut back to outside with SpongeBob and Patrick] ; s1e4_27
SpongeBob;" And now... with two hands! [inhales deeply and blows out an elephant. Circus music, in particular part of the piece ""Entry of the Gladiators,"" starts playing.] "; s1e4_28
Patrick;" [laughs] It's a giraffe! [Patrick continues laughing as the elephant floats over into Squidward's house. SpongeBob then worried as the bubble pops and tons of smaller bubbles come out of both windows of the house while an elephant sounds. Squidward opens the door with a sour look on his face. SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the stand. SpongeBob places a ""Closed"" sign on it. Squidward looks over the stand] "; s1e4_29
SpongeBob; Excuse me, sir, but we are clo- ; s1e4_30
Squidward; Don't give me any of that! How can you two possibly make all this noise just blowing bubbles?! ; s1e4_31
SpongeBob; We're not just blowing bubbles. We're making bubble art. Watch carefully. [does his infamous routine again] First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times: one, two, three. Then pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-around-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, and that, and-this-and-that-and-this-and-that, and then... [blows a butterfly, which flies over to Squidward, lands on his head, and pops] ; s1e4_32
Squidward; That's not art. That's just annoying. Blowing bubbles, that's the lamest idea I have ever heard. [SpongeBob and Patrick, now depressed, head to SpongeBob's house] You should be ashamed of yourselves. [SpongeBob closes the door as Squidward laughs to himself] Bubbles. [continues laughing] Art. [mumbles, and picks up the bubble wand, sniffs it, and inhales to blow. Then, SpongeBob pops up out of nowhere] ; s1e4_33
SpongeBob; That'll be 25 cents, sir. ; s1e4_34
Squidward; Ah, whoa, what? [SpongeBob blinks] Oh... who-who would pay 25 cents to blow bubbles? ; s1e4_35
SpongeBob;" We also offer lessons for beginners. [puts the ""Lessons"" sign up] "; s1e4_36
Squidward; Beginners? What could be more simple than blowing a stupid bubble? [pulls a quarter out] Here's your 25 cents! [SpongeBob bites it to see if it's real and it bends] Watch and learn. [inhales and blows, but nothing happens] Uhh... wait, wait, wait. [he inhales and blows again, but nothing happens again] One more time. Here. Wait. [inhales and blows again, and a small bubble comes out and instantly falls to the ground and bursts, making a fart sound. Looks over at SpongeBob and Patrick. They gulp, and then start whistling. Squidward places another quarter on the stand] Uhh... Just a mere warm-up. [dips the wand in the bubble container, inhales deeply and blows hard. The bubble falls to the ground again, making another fart sound, gets another quarter out and puts it on the stand] ; s1e4_37
SpongeBob; Hey, Squidward, remember the technique. [Squidward keeps trying to blow bubbles while SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to show him the technique] Squidward, technique! You do this, and this, step back.... ; s1e4_38
Patrick; Hey! Technique, Squidward! ; s1e4_39
SpongeBob; Spin around like thi� Like this... Look at me, over here, one... two.... yeah, three... ; s1e4_40
Patrick; The pelvic woo! ; s1e4_41
SpongeBob;" Look, we're doing the technique! And don't for... Don't forget the ""Woooooo!"" Squidward? "; s1e4_42
Patrick; Listen to Sponge! ; s1e4_43
SpongeBob; Technique! Technique! Technique! ; s1e4_44
SpongeBob; [weakly] You're not doing the technique. ; s1e4_45
Patrick;Technique.; s1e4_46
Squidward; Technique? Technique!? Technique, technique, technique, technique, technique! [starts to do the infamous routine, while imitating SpongeBob] First I do this, spin around. Stop. Double take three times. And here we go, pelvic thrust. Wehooooo! Wehoohoo! Oh, stop on your right foot, don't forget it. Then, bring it around town. And a little of this, a little of that, a little of this, this, this, this, that, that, that, that. And that, that, that that that that! And then... [screams very loudly into the wand, blowing a gargantuan, unshaped bubble] ; s1e4_47
SpongeBob; All right, Squid. That was so good. ; s1e4_48
Patrick; Squid is number one. ; s1e4_49
Squidward; I really did it, didn't I? Hey, you guys didn't blow anything like that. ; s1e4_50
SpongeBob;No.; s1e4_51
Squidward; Now that's a bubble. ; s1e4_52
SpongeBob; You said it, Squidward. See, it is all in the technique. ; s1e4_53
Patrick; Yeah, technique. ; s1e4_54
Squidward; Technique? Hah. SpongeBob, you don't think I created that [kisses his tentacle] beautiful work of art with your help? [starts laughing] Come on, it's in my genes. ; s1e4_55
Squidward; Thank you, thank you, thank you. [starts to play his clarinet. SpongeBob and Patrick chant Squidward's name. At one point, they belly flop each other and Patrick falls on the ground.] I rock. [continues to play his clarinet. As SpongeBob and Patrick continue to chant, Squidward's bubble flies over them, covers Squidward's house, and pulls it out of the ground and up towards the top of the ocean. SpongeBob notices and stops Patrick] ; s1e4_56
SpongeBob; [concerned] Squidward! [Patrick now notices] ; s1e4_57
Squidward; Hello, my friends. You are looking at a... [sees how high he is from the sky] ; s1e4_58
Squidward; ...genius. [the bubble explodes in the air and then the ground violently rumbles and shakes. SpongeBob and Patrick look in awe] ; s1e4_59
{system}; [Pan across Goo Lagoon] ;s1e5_1
French Narrator; Ah, Goo Lagoon. A stinky mud puddle to you and me. But to the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a wonderful, stinky mud puddle. [SpongeBob and Sandy sit enjoying the beach. SpongeBob sighs] ;s1e5_2
SpongeBob; What a great day. [runs off] Hey, Sandy! Look! [now covered in a mound of sand] I'm Sandy! [Sandy laughs. SpongeBob forms sand around his head and nose to look like Squidward and imitates his voice] Hey Sandy, who am I? [Sandy still laughs. SpongeBob picks up a sand phone] Hello, SpongeBob. Could you keep it down? I'm trying to be boring. [Sandy continues laughing] ;s1e5_3
Sandy; SpongeBob! [a doorbell rings, SpongeBob walks in carrying sand pizza boxes and wearing a Krusty Krab sand hat] ;s1e5_4
SpongeBob; Did anyone order twenty pepperoni and sand pizzas? [he and Sandy laugh together. Larry walks up] ;s1e5_5
Larry; Hey, Sandy. Hey, SpongeBob. ;s1e5_6
Sandy; Hey, Larry. ;s1e5_7
Larry; You guys wanna go lift some weights? ;s1e5_8
Sandy; Sure. [she and Larry walk off] Well, come on, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob's sand pizzas and hat fall flat as he walks on dejectedly] ;s1e5_9
SpongeBob; [disappointingly] Coming. [cut to a group of weightlifters, each grunting as they work out. Larry turns to Sandy] ;s1e5_10
Larry; Give it a try, Sandy. [Sandy stands in front of a weight. She picks it up, grunting as she does so. The crowd cheers for her, and she throws the weight down] ;s1e5_11
SpongeBob; Good job, Sandy. Well, that's about enough for today, don't you think? [tries to walk off] ;s1e5_12
Larry; How about a little more weight? [bends down to pick up a weight heavier than Sandy's] Observe. [grunts as he picks it up, his eyes bulging, and veins stick out from his neck. The crowd cheers, and Larry throws the weight down] ;s1e5_13
SpongeBob; All right, stand back, everyone. [picks up a single twig from the ground. The crowd is silent. He sinks into the sand. Sandy walks to a weight] ;s1e5_14
Sandy; Y'all watch this! [picks up an anchor weight. The crowd cheers for her, but stop when they realize Larry has lifted the spectator stands] Way to go, Larry! [SpongeBob burrows into the sand, and tunnels over to Incidental 36 who is picnicking next to a marshmallow sack] ;s1e5_15
SpongeBob; Could I borrow a couple of these? ;s1e5_16
SpongeBob; [takes two marshmallows and places them on the twig] And now, with the addition of 2, count 'em, 2 marshmallows. [preps himself for his lift, inhales deeply, takes hold of the twig, and is unable to lift it. The crowd isn't moved. He tries again. And again. After a huge effort, SpongeBob hears a rip. He looks down and notices that he's ripped his pants. The crowd gasps, then laughs at SpongeBob. SpongeBob scuttles off, embarrassed. Scooter walks over, laughing] ;s1e5_17
Scooter; That was too funny. [slaps SpongeBob on the back] You are hilarious! ;s1e5_18
Sandy; Ain't he the funniest little Sponge you ever saw? [SpongeBob grins widely which gave him an idea. Cut to Larry with a volleyball on his claw] ;s1e5_19
Larry; Anybody up for some volleyball? [the ball volleys back and forth, until Larry spikes it into some fish and the crowd cheers for him. SpongeBob looks at him in contempt. A fish serves the ball and as Larry is about to hit it, SpongeBob interferes] ;s1e5_20
SpongeBob; I got it! [the ball falls and SpongeBob tries to serve it] Incoming! [the serve misses and the crowd boos. He bends down to pick the ball up and rips his pants] Oops, I guess I ripped my pants again! [the crowd laughs. Scooter walks in laughing again] ;s1e5_21
Scooter; Once again, dude, [slaps SpongeBob on the back] you have split my sides! [he continues to laugh. Cut to a tossed Frisbee. Larry catches it and throws it to Sandy] ;s1e5_22
SpongeBob; Hey, Sandy, how about throwing it to me? ;s1e5_23
Sandy; Okay, here it comes! [SpongeBob stands still and lets the Frisbee hit him on the head, knocking him over] ;s1e5_24
SpongeBob; I could use a hand here! [laughs. Sandy walks over and helps him up] ;s1e5_25
Sandy; You okay, SpongeBob? ;s1e5_26
SpongeBob; I guess so... [does a handstand, revealing his pants] ...except I ripped my pants! [the crowd laughs, and Scooter walks up to SpongeBob once again] ;s1e5_27
Scooter; You still got it, dude! [slaps SpongeBob on the back again. Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy walking to an ice cream vendor] ;s1e5_28
SpongeBob; I'll take a banana split. ;s1e5_29
SpongeBob; That's okay. I already split my pants! Get it? [Sandy giggles] ;s1e5_30
SpongeBob; How about ripple? [does so, Sandy giggles again] No, thanks, already got one! [Sandy drops laughing, Incidental 39 is unamused, and SpongeBob happily bounces off to a snack bar. SpongeBob runs up to Incidental 40, knocking his drink over] Is that a burger you're eating? ;s1e5_31
SpongeBob; You know what would go good with that? ;s1e5_32
SpongeBob; [whispers] Ripped... pants. [smiles widely and shows the annoyed Incidental 40 his ripped pants. SpongeBob then runs around the snack bar, laughing. He comes up in-between two fish] Ripped pants a la mode! [rips his pants, the fish are annoyed. Cut to SpongeBob being in the kitchen of the snack bar, next to the fry cook] Delivery! Did you order twenty cases of ripped pants? [shoves his behind through the box, revealing his ripped pants, then laughs and the box is revealed to have no lower part. The fry cook groans disgustedly. Cut to a broadcasting booth over looking the lagoon] ;s1e5_33
Sports guy; Surf's up in the Goo Lagoon. [fish are surfing. Close-up of Perch Perkins] And here comes Larry, doing his trademark lay-back. [cut to Larry lying on his surfboard] There goes Sandy, hanging ten... fingers, that is. [cut to Sandy doing a handstand on her surfboard] There goes SpongeBob... [rip] ripping his pants again. [The sports guy is annoyed, then cut to SpongeBob ripping his pants on his surfboard. A wave knocks SpongeBob off his surfboard and washes him up on the beach] ;s1e5_34
Sandy;SpongeBob!;s1e5_35
SpongeBob; [to Incidental 155] Come closer. [a divine light shines on him] I need... I need... ;s1e5_36
SpongeBob; [pats Incidental 155 on the shoulder. Close up of SpongeBob's mouth] A tailor. [the light turns off, accompanied by a light switch] Because I ripped my pants! [laughs. Incidental 155 makes an annoyed expression, drops SpongeBob, and the crowd surrounding him walks off with annoyance. SpongeBob is left alone and Sandy walks up to him angry] ;s1e5_37
Sandy; That wasn't funny, SpongeBob! Y'all had me worried sick! [walks off as Scooter walks towards SpongeBob and looks at him sadly] ;s1e5_38
Scooter; [shakes his head] Dude... [walks off. Cut to a dressing tent, with SpongeBob inside] ;s1e5_39
SpongeBob;" [thinking] Come on, SpongeBob, you're losing them! Think! Your public's waiting. [speaking] Let's see... [checking them off a list] ""Lifting weights - big laugh,"" ""Frisbee in face - kills,"" ""Surfing - knocks 'em dead,"" ""Pretending to drown,"" [uses his pencil to write the word ""NO"" and circle it] No. Come on, think! I got it! Hey, everybody! [runs out of the dressing tent] Not ripped pants! [tears his pants off] Pants ripped off. Huh? Someone call the police. There's a pants thief on the loose! [the wind howls, SpongeBob standing alone on the beach. A tumbleweed rolls by. SpongeBob turns and hears party music at a distance, and sees Larry and Sandy playing volleyball] Oh, no, everybody's gone, even Sandy. She'd rather hang out with Larry! Oh, no. [lies on the beach as he continues saying, no] We blew it, pants. [throws his pants aside] ";s1e5_40
Pants;" What do you mean, ""we?"" [the pants walk off, leaving SpongeBob alone] ";s1e5_41
SpongeBob; Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention. Am I the biggest loser on the beach?! [Incidental 22 walks up to SpongeBob, shining red] ;s1e5_42
SpongeBob; Ouch. [a fish walks up to the two] ;s1e5_43
Loser; No, I am. I got sand in my buns. [shows them two sandy hamburger buns. There is a rumbling coming from the sand and a whale pops his head out of the sand] ;s1e5_44
Frank; No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me. ;s1e5_45
All; What happened to you? ;s1e5_46
SpongeBob; I lost my best friend. ;s1e5_47
All; How? [SpongeBob grabs a sand guitar and sings he is front of the sand castle and a sand telephone he built earlier] ;s1e5_48
SpongeBob;" When I ripped... [his underwear starts ripping] my pants. [starts to sing] I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a passing glance, [The curtain comes down and a spotlight shines on SpongeBob] all just because I [rips his underwear again] ripped my pants. [the other three ""losers of the beach"" assemble on a sand stage with sand instruments and sing] ";s1e5_49
All; When big Larry came round just to put him down, SpongeBob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and [Incidental 22 turns around and suddenly, her bottom then rips, splitting open, revealing her white underwear] ripped his pants! ;s1e5_50
All; Or sand in your buns! [instrumental break. The loser scrapes the two buns together to make a rhythm then the curtain shows waves crashing about] ;s1e5_51
SpongeBob; Now I learned a lesson I won't soon forget... so listen and you won't regret. Be true to yourself;s1e5_52
Sandy;SpongeBob!;s1e5_53
SpongeBob; Sandy! [she gets onstage and hugs SpongeBob. He returns the embrace] ;s1e5_54
Sandy; Your song is true. If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself. [Larry walks up] ;s1e5_55
Larry; [impressed with SpongeBob's singing during the big concert] SpongeBob, that was so righteous. [hands SpongeBob a pencil] Would you... sign my pants? ;s1e5_56
SpongeBob;" Absolutely, buddy. [SpongeBob bends down to sign Larry's pants. His underwear then rips off completely, leaving SpongeBob ""au naturel."" Someone off-screen whistles. SpongeBob covers his crotch, grins, and blushes sheepishly] ";s1e5_57
{system}; [Opens in on a bunch of jellyfish and one flying out of the field towards Conch Street];s1e6_1
French Narrator ; Ah, ze early morning in Bikini Bottom, when the jellyfish are buzzing about and making their jellyfish jelly. [A jellyfish flies by SpongeBob's house. Just then a giant periscope comes out of the porthole] Oh, what is happening here? [SpongeBob is looking through the periscope from inside, Patrick waits behind him] Collectors? [SpongeBob nods to Patrick. They both run toward two vents: one square-shaped, one circular-shaped. SpongeBob takes the square one and Patrick takes the circle one. The two approach ropes and slide down them. At the bottom, they encounter a case of rope burn and jump around frantically. They blow their hands to remove the burn. Once the burn is gone, the two get serious again and approach a closet. It houses three sets of poles and three sets of nets. SpongeBob and Patrick take one of each, connect them and test their mobility. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and the two seriously step out ready for action. A jellyfish flies by and the two joyfully sing and follow it] ;s1e6_2
SpongeBob;[off-screen] I think I've got it! Wait a minute... [we hear jellyfish stings and SpongeBob and Patrick screaming. The two run back the way they came, being chased by the jellyfish. They fall into a heap in front of Squidward's house. The jellyfish stings both of their backsides and flies off. Just then, Squidward comes out of his house with his bike] ;s1e6_3
Squidward;Hm.;s1e6_4
SpongeBob; Hey, Squidward, we're jellyfishing. ;s1e6_5
Squidward; Of course you are. Bye now. [walks off] ;s1e6_6
SpongeBob; Wait! We made a net especially for you! [holds it up] Do you want to come with us? ;s1e6_7
Squidward; [sarcastically] Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book! I would love to go jellyfishing! I can't think of anything I'd like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends: SpongeBob and... uh... ;s1e6_8
Patrick;Patrick.;s1e6_9
Squidward; Right. But I can't. Bye bye. ;s1e6_10
SpongeBob; Next time? ;s1e6_11
Squidward; Oh sure, right! Whatever. [bikes away under breath] Like that'll ever happen. ;s1e6_12
SpongeBob; You know, Patrick? It always seems like Squidward never has time for fun. ;s1e6_13
Patrick; Maybe he doesn't like us. ;s1e6_14
SpongeBob; No, are you kidding? We're his best friends. [Squidward bikes down a path, chuckling to himself] ;s1e6_15
Squidward; Jellyfishing. [as he laughs, his nose inflates and deflates] Oh, I'll go. [laughs] I sure had them going. [laughs. But, he doesn't see a jellyfish which is going in the opposite direction. He keeps on laughing. The jellyfish ends up swimming in Squidward's mouth and he coughs it out] Stupid jellyfish! Beat it! [He hits it, and the jellyfish goes up his shirt and starts zapping him, causing Squidward to veer out of control. His tentacles get tangled on the pedals and he trips on a rock. He bounces down a hill and then falls down a jagged rocky cliff. He reaches the bottom of the cliff and immediately an atomic explosion appears.] Ow... ;s1e6_16
{system};" [Cut to SpongeBob sitting at his house. He looks out the window. But, no one is there. He sits down again. He notices a photo of him and an unhappy Squidward that reads, ""Friends."" He puts it down and looks out the window again. Squidward, who's in a wheelchair and all bandaged up rolls down the path]";s1e6_17
SpongeBob; Squid's back! [phones Patrick, which causes the screen to split diagonally, revealing Patrick on the bottom] ;s1e6_19
Patrick;Yello?;s1e6_20
SpongeBob; Hey, Patrick, Squid's home! And we're gonna make sure he's greeted by his two best friends! ;s1e6_21
Patrick; Oh, great! Who are they? [it's revealed that the two are phoning each other from across the room, just with different wallpapers] ;s1e6_22
SpongeBob;" Us! [the two hang up] Let's go! [Squidward wheels himself into his house. The lights suddenly turn on, and party horns can be heard. SpongeBob and Patrick are inside his house with a banner that says ""Welcome Home""] Welcome home, Squidward! ";s1e6_23
Patrick; Merry Christmas! ;s1e6_24
SpongeBob; We're gonna make this your best day ever! [Squidward turns around and wheels out. SpongeBob rolls him back in] Well, your best day's sure not gonna be out there. [SpongeBob wheels Squidward to a table where Patrick stands by a bowl of soup] ;s1e6_25
Patrick;" How about some soup on your best day ever? [Squidward looks at the soup and sees condensed Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, ""Best Day Ever"" Patrick holds up a spoon] Here we go! [scoops some up, but Squidward makes some grunting noises in refusal] Oh, it's a little hot. [blows on the spoon, sending steaming hot soup splashing all over Squidward's bandaged face. Patrick notices his spoon is empty and refills it to blow on, covering Squidward in more hot soup. This continues for three times until SpongeBob pulls the soup bowl away and laughs nervously] ";s1e6_26
SpongeBob; I don't think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever. [walks near a music stand and Squidward's clarinet] How about some music on your best day ever? Played on your very own clarinet. [blows into it, but wind comes out causing Squidward to groan] Sorry, my lips are a little dry. [wets his lips exaggeratedly long and wet. Just when he prepares to blow, a disgusted Patrick snatches the clarinet away] ;s1e6_27
Patrick; Music isn't best either! ;s1e6_28
SpongeBob; But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever the best day ever! [cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob and Patrick hold nets] ;s1e6_29
{system}; [chanting] Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing! ;s1e6_30
SpongeBob; This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. [Squidward rides away, but SpongeBob catches him] No, no, Squid! Over here! I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net. Patrick, fix him up while I find him a good specimen. ;s1e6_31
Patrick; Firmly grasp it in your hand. [places the pole end on Squidward's bandaged hand, but it falls because he can't grab, Patrick picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [does it again and the results are the same. Patrick gets frustrated] Firmly grasp it. [forcefully jabs the net through Squidward's bandaged hand. Squidward lets out a muffled pained scream] That ought to do it. [SpongeBob spots a jellyfish] ;s1e6_32
SpongeBob; There's one in position. Ready... set... go! [the two yell out words of encouragement to Squidward and jump up and down, but Squidward isn't budging. The two eventually notice Squidward isn't going anywhere. They again encourage him, but still nothing happens] ;s1e6_33
Patrick;" I think we gotta show him how it's done. [in the tune of ""The Beautiful Blue Danube,"" SpongeBob and Patrick dance along next to the jellyfish and try to catch it. SpongeBob and Patrick sing, and even the jellyfish hums out some music. After several attempts, they get into a big fight with stinging and such. The jellyfish escapes the squabbles and swims by Squidward and stings him on the nose. Squidward, mad, goes after the jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick, still getting stung by jellyfish, notice] ";s1e6_34
SpongeBob;" Hey, look! Squid's doing it! [as Squidward chases, SpongeBob and Patrick cheer him on. His wheelchair is stopped by a rock, but he eventually gets back on track. The jellyfish lands on a pink ""rock"" and Squidward catches it. He laughs triumphantly, but muffled due to the bandages and whacks the net against the ""rock."" The ""rock"" surfaces, revealing to be a really huge jellyfish--the Queen Jellyfish. She now floats above Squidward. Squidward gulps. SpongeBob and Patrick look on.] ";s1e6_35
Patrick; This guy's good. ;s1e6_36
SpongeBob; He's a natural! ;s1e6_37
{system}; [SpongeBob and Patrick start simultaneously cheering Squidward on as he tries to get away from the Queen Jellyfish.] ;s1e6_38
Patrick; Yeah, you got it, Squidward! ;s1e6_39
SpongeBob; Yeah, you're doing great! Go, Squid, go! ;s1e6_40
Patrick; Yeah, you're doing it, Squid! See what you've been missing?! ;s1e6_41
SpongeBob; Yeah, you got, Squid! ;s1e6_42
Patrick; You got what you wanted, Squidward! You can go that distance! Use that net! ;s1e6_43
SpongeBob; Be the net! ;s1e6_44
Patrick; Yeah! You're feeling it, Squid! That's it, all the way! The last 6 miles, make that, Squid! Go, go, go! ;s1e6_45
SpongeBob; Yeah, go by the eye of the tiger, by the eye of the tiger, by the eye of the tiger! Better, better, better! Yeah, yeah, yeah! You've got it now! ;s1e6_46
Patrick; It's in the bag! ;s1e6_47
SpongeBob; This is really your best day ever, isn't it? ;s1e6_48
{system}; [The Queen Jellyfish gives Squidward an extremely powerful sting. SpongeBob and Patrick stop cheering.] ;s1e6_49
Both;Oooh...;s1e6_50
{system}; [Cut to the next day where SpongeBob and Patrick walking in front of Squidward's place covered in bandages] ;s1e6_51
SpongeBob; Hey, Patrick. Well... [sighs] Thought yesterday went... [hesitates] pretty well, don't you think? ;s1e6_52
Patrick; I had fun. ;s1e6_53
SpongeBob; Me too. [some whirring is heard in the background] ;s1e6_54
Patrick; Here comes Squidward! ;s1e6_55
SpongeBob; Oh, great. [Squidward approaches in a stretcher] Hey, Squid! How about that... [Squidward rolls down the front walk in a wheeled medical bed with a container of life-saving fluid and in a full body cast.] ...best day ever? ;s1e6_56
Patrick; There's always tomorrow! [Squidward's bed bangs on the door, trying to get in] ;s1e6_57
SpongeBob; Um, we're really sorry about what happened yesterday, Squidward. [bangs the door again] Um, we got you a present! [it's the jellyfish that caused Squidward to encounter the Queen Jellyfish in a jar] It's the jellyfish. [Squidward scowls] ;s1e6_58
Patrick; You know, from yesterday! ;s1e6_59
SpongeBob; You're not still mad, are you? [Squidward opens the jar in SpongeBob and Patrick's direction] ;s1e6_60
Patrick; Yup, he's still mad. [The jellyfish chases after SpongeBob and Patrick and stings them repeatedly as they run into the distance. Squidward laughs to himself, his nose inflating and deflating again. The Queen Jellyfish returns and zaps him again. Now he's burnt to a crisp. The cast cracks off in pieces, leaving a completely blackened Squidward] ;s1e6_61
Squidward;Ow.;s1e6_62
{system}; [View of the Krusty Krab] ;s1e7_1
Squidward; [from inside] One Krabby Patty for table two. SpongeBob, I don't have the whole day. ;s1e7_2
{system}; [Cut to inside of the kitchen] ;s1e7_3
SpongeBob; [speaking in French accent] Oui, oui. Un Krabby Patty, Monsieur. First, les patty. [flips it up in the air and it falls into one of his holes. He holds up the other ingredients.] ;s1e7_4
Squidward; Come on, SpongeBob! ;s1e7_5
SpongeBob; Next, les ingredients. [throws them in the air] Ah, oui! [catches them in his holes and his pants] Les mustard. [squirts some mustard out and it lands in his eye] ;s1e7_6
Squidward; Les quit fooling around, where's my Krabby Patty? ;s1e7_7
SpongeBob; Les hold on a second! [takes his head and shakes it all up. When he puts it back on his body, his eyes roll around.] And...voila. [goes up to Squidward and pulls a Krabby Patty from under his nose speaking in normal voice] It's under your nose! [laughs and puts it on a plate. Squidward pretends to laugh.] ;s1e7_8
Squidward; You're killing me, SpongeBob! Ha ha ha... you really are. [Close-up on the patty] ;s1e7_9
SpongeBob; Look at it, Squidward. Mr. Krabs' gift to all of Bikini Bottom -- the Krabby Patty.. ;s1e7_10
Squidward; Okay, give it to me. [the Krabby Patty flies off of the plate and starts bouncing all over the place] Come on SpongeBob, stop it! ;s1e7_11
SpongeBob; I swear I'm not doing anything. Mr. Krabs! The Krabby Patty is haunted! [The patty slithers out the door and heads for the exit. Mr. Krabs spears it with his leg. A tiny thing comes out from it and Mr. Krabs inspects it with a magnifying glass.] ;s1e7_12
Mr. Krabs ; Avast, ye patty pirate! This is no ghost. This is... [view of in the magnifying glass, of a tiny jelly bean-shaped green creature with one eye] Plankton! Stealing me booty! ;s1e7_13
Plankton; Hear me, Krabs! When I discover your formula for Krabby Patties, I'll run you out of business! I went to college! [Mr. Krabs picks up the puny pest] Hey! Let me go! ;s1e7_14
Mr. Krabs ; Oh, I'll let you go, squirt. On a flying saucer! [laughs, then splats Plankton on a plate and spins him back across the street, to the Chum Bucket] Back to the Chum Bucket with you! ;s1e7_15
Plankton; You'll pay for this, Krabs! [slams through the doors] ;s1e7_16
SpongeBob; Uh... Plankton, sir? ;s1e7_17
Mr. Krabs ; Aye, he's been trying to steal me secret formula for years, but you haven't got it yet, have ye, bug? [laughs. SpongeBob joins in, braying with laughter. Mr. Krabs stops, but SpongeBob keeps laughing.] Okay. [SpongeBob keeps laughing] Enough, lad, it wasn't that funny. [SpongeBob keeps laughing] Get back to work! [SpongeBob stops laughing.] ;s1e7_18
{system}; [Cut to nighttime at the Krusty Krab.] ;s1e7_19
SpongeBob; [from inside] Okay, Mr. Krabs, see you tomorrow! ;s1e7_20
Mr. Krabs ; Good night, me boy! [SpongeBob walks out and walks past the Chum Bucket contently] ;s1e7_21
Plankton; [unseen] Psst... young man. [SpongeBob looks around to see where this voice came from] Yes, over here. Come on, boy, a little closer. [SpongeBob walks forward] Closer... [SpongeBob walks] Not that close! [a crunching sound is heard. SpongeBob lifts up his shoe revealing a squished Plankton.] You blasted barnacle head! I mean... hi. ;s1e7_22
SpongeBob; Plankton? [SpongeBob peels Plankton off his shoe and onto his hand] ;s1e7_23
Plankton;Ouch!;s1e7_24
SpongeBob; What do you want? ;s1e7_25
Plankton; I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right? ;s1e7_26
SpongeBob; Um... no. ;s1e7_27
Plankton;Acquaintances?;s1e7_28
SpongeBob;No.;s1e7_29
Plankton; [beat] Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we? ;s1e7_30
SpongeBob; I... guess so. ;s1e7_31
Plankton; You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment. [rummages through his back pocket and takes out a golden spatula] Ching! [in unison with the sparkling of the spatula] Sparkle, sparkle. ;s1e7_32
SpongeBob; Wow! A golden spatula! And it's even got my name on it. ;s1e7_33
Plankton; It's a gift! A gift from a friend. [hugs SpongeBob's thumb] Friends give each other gifts, and tomorrow is my birthday. [puts a birthday hat on his head and SpongeBob's thumb and then blows a noisemaker. He then takes out a cake.] And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world? [blows out the candles] ;s1e7_34
SpongeBob; A booster seat? [Plankton takes off the hat and throws out the cake] ;s1e7_35
Plankton; Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those [starts to drool] tender... delicious... Krabby Patties! [SpongeBob drops Plankton and gasps] ;s1e7_36
SpongeBob; You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow! ;s1e7_37
Plankton; Gee, and I thought you were stupid. ;s1e7_38
SpongeBob; You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! [walks off, then stops] Even if we are friends! [runs off] Never, never, never, never! ;s1e7_39
Plankton; Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty and you're gonna hand-deliver it to me personally! You weak-minded fool! [takes out a gramophone that plays evil music and laughs evilly to it.] ;s1e7_40
{system}; [Cut to SpongeBob's bedroom, where SpongeBob goes to sleep.] ;s1e7_41
SpongeBob; Good night, Gary. ;s1e7_42
{system}; [Gary meows. SpongeBob goes to sleep. Just then, one of the flowers on SpongeBob's bed pattern pops up. It's Plankton in disguise, wearing a backpack that looks more like an antenna-like machine.] ;s1e7_43
Plankton; [chuckling] SpongeBob, you will be mine! [pulls out the gramophone and laughs evilly to it, but it actually plays a children's song of the A-B-C's.] ;s1e7_44
{system}; [Plankton immediately realizes this and flips the record around on the other side. It plays the evil music like last time and he laughs. Then he walks through one of SpongeBob's holes and begins his journey. Plankton reads a map that looks like a regular road map, except with a giant brain in the middle of it.] ;s1e7_45
Plankton;" It should be in here... but where? [pan out to reveal he's standing on the brain] Where? Oh... [takes off the antenna thing on his back] This will be the beginning of the end! [outside, SpongeBob rolls to his left in his sleep. The brain falls to the right inside and Plankton falls off] Ouch! Stupid brain... [gives chase] Come back here, you swine! [SpongeBob then rolls to his right. Inside, the brain squishes Plankton. SpongeBob then sleeps on his back and the brain stops rolling. Plankton holds up a roll of duct tape] That's it, brain, you're going down! [Plankton uses tape to hold it down] Yes, yes, that's grand. [takes out blueprints] And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated plan. [the blueprints reveal a picture of the antenna thing labeled ""Control"" and an arrow pointing to a picture of a brain labeled ""Brain."" Plankton follows these instructions by jamming the control in the brain] And now, it's time for a little wakey-uppy. [his hands on the control levers, he uses his foot to press the ""Total Control"" button. Outside, SpongeBob wakes up.] ";s1e7_46
SpongeBob; Morning already? [Plankton jams the controls causing SpongeBob's legs to jam out to his side. He rumbles and falls down. Plankton laughs evilly] I... I feel a little funny today. [using the controls, he makes SpongeBob walk. Plankton laughs] ;s1e7_47
Plankton; I have you now! [outside, SpongeBob keeps walking towards the kitchen] ;s1e7_48
SpongeBob; Time for a well-balanced breakfast. [rams through the wall and through his refrigerator, emerging with bread, a bottle of milk, and an egg carton on his head] This isn't what I had in mind. [walks towards the straps with his pants attached] Let me just grab my pants. [walks toward them and they spring him. He eventually gives free and keeps walking.] I guess I'm not wearing any pants today. [crashes through the side of the wall] I guess I'm not using the door either. See you later, Gary! ...I guess. [Gary meows] You're right, Gary! There is something wrong with me! Squidward! Squidward! Wake up! I need some help! [inside Squidward's house, he tries to sleep. Off-screen.] Squidward! Help! ;s1e7_49
Squidward; Be quiet, SpongeBob! ;s1e7_50
{system}; [SpongeBob bursts through the wall of Squidward's bedroom] ;s1e7_51
SpongeBob;Help!;s1e7_52
Squidward; SpongeBob! What are you doing? I'm talking to you! SpongeBob! SpongeBob, are you mad?! ;s1e7_53
{system}; [SpongeBob turns his head to Squidward] ;s1e7_54
Plankton; [through SpongeBob] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player. ;s1e7_55
Squidward; Mediocre? [from inside, Plankton speaks through a microphone] ;s1e7_56
Plankton; You pretentious, little insignificant artist. Your snivelly creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste! ;s1e7_57
{system}; [SpongeBob snaps out of confusion] ;s1e7_58
SpongeBob; Something must be wrong with my brain! [his eyes roll into the back of his head and he sees Plankton and gasps] Plankton! [Plankton raises his eyebrow] What kind of friend are you?! ;s1e7_59
Plankton; Nonsense. You never liked me, anyway. You wouldn't even come to my birthday party! [from outside] ;s1e7_60
SpongeBob; Get out of my head! Leave my brain alone! ;s1e7_61
Plankton; Never! Never! [laughs and SpongeBob walks out backwards. Squidward turns pale and faints. SpongeBob crashes through Patrick's rock and reemerges with Patrick sleeping on his head. SpongeBob throws him off and he's pinned into the ground. SpongeBob walks toward the Krusty Krab. Inside SpongeBob.] Toot toot! How about a little take-out? ;s1e7_62
SpongeBob; No! No, never! [crashes through it, reemerging with a Krabby Patty. Plankton laughs evilly.] You can't fool me, Plankton, you want the Krabby Patty formula! [walks into the Chum Bucket] ;s1e7_63
Plankton; You are going to hand-deliver it to me personally! ;s1e7_64
SpongeBob; No, no, no! [they're inside and walk through a door] There's no one here. ;s1e7_65
Plankton; Don't remind me. Brace yourself, SpongeBob. This is my lab! [the room he's walked into has a screen with a live-action Labrador Retriever. The dog barks. They walk into the next room, a real lab.] And this is my laboratory! And did I ever show you my record player? [pulls the gramophone out again and it plays dramatic music and laughs] ;s1e7_66
SpongeBob; I must fight! [mumbles nonsensically, stretches his head out, and bites against the side of the door. His body keeps trying to walk.] ;s1e7_67
Plankton; No, no, no, no. [pushes the levers forward, which causes SpongeBob to lose grip and slam against the wall and wobble over to a giant funnel thing] There, you see how much easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I put into it. [A robot arm clenching some seaweed comes in and drops it in the giant funnel analyzer. It has zapped and some beeping is heard from the giant computer screen. The screen, then reads what the computer says.] ;s1e7_68
Karen; Seaweed: 50% Sea, 50% Weed. [a picture of the seaweed appears] ;s1e7_69
Plankton; Impressed? Now let's reveal that secret formula. [laughs and pulls the lever forward, letting two of SpongeBob's fingers off the patty. He's holding it with both hands, so one finger from each hand.] And this little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty. [two more fingers loose grip.] This little piggy will help me drop it in. Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants? [SpongeBob tries to resist, but stops] ;s1e7_70
SpongeBob; I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. [tears start to come out of his eyes] I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, [one of his teary eyes twinkles] you delicate little Krabby Patty? ;s1e7_71
Plankton;Mmm...;s1e7_72
SpongeBob; [tearing up even more] With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness. [inside, Plankton starts to get hungry] ;s1e7_73
Plankton; Steamy... [a live-action patty gets assembled on screen as SpongeBob states the ingredients] ;s1e7_74
SpongeBob; I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steamed between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns. [inside, Plankton starts to drool excessively] ;s1e7_75
Plankton; Yes... yes... yes! [jumps out of one of SpongeBob's holes to the patty] Come to papa! [bounces off the patty and lands in the analyzer] Oh, boy... [now zapped and the computer reads out the analysis] ;s1e7_76
Karen; Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas. [Plankton appears on the screen] ;s1e7_77
Plankton; Well, this stinks. ;s1e7_78
SpongeBob; Well, patty, I guess we can go home now. [walks out] ;s1e7_79
Plankton; SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! [SpongeBob walks out the swivel doors and they go back and forth] Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! [the doors come to a close] No! I'll settle for some fries. ;s1e7_80
{system}; [Squidward gets dressed, takes a shower, gargles, and brushes his teeth. He re-enters the scene in a tuxedo with his hairpiece and sits down at the table. He hears laughter from outside. He goes to the window and notices that SpongeBob and Patrick are playing with bubbles. SpongeBob whispers into a bubble and it floats over to Patrick and pops.] ;s1e8_1
SpongeBobBubble; Hi, Patrick. ;s1e8_2
{system}; [Patrick giggles as he was about to blow a bubble. He eats the bubble and whispers into another bubble, sending it over to SpongeBob where it pops.] ;s1e8_3
PatrickBubble; Hi, SpongeBob. ;s1e8_4
SpongeBob; [whispering into bubble] Patrick, you're my best friend in the whole neighborhood. ;s1e8_5
{system}; [The scene cuts to Squidward's back window as he finishes stirring the liquid, and blows a bubble with it through the fork. Squidward's bubble is approached by SpongeBob's bubble, grows a leg, and kicks SpongeBob's bubble, thus popping it. Squidward's bubble floats over to Patrick and pops.] ;s1e8_6
SquidwardBubble; [mimicking SpongeBob] Patrick, you are the dumbest idiot it has ever been my misfortune to know. ;s1e8_7
{system}; [Patrick frowns and blows a bubble, sending it over to SpongeBob] ;s1e8_8
PatrickBubble; Do you really think that, SpongeBob? ;s1e8_9
SpongeBob; [whispering into the bubble] Of course, Patrick. Anyone with eyes can see that. ;s1e8_10
{system}; [The bubble floats over to Patrick and pops, followed by another bubble floating back over to SpongeBob] ;s1e8_11
PatrickBubble; Yeah? Well, I think you're ugly. [another bubble comes over and pops] Yellow is ugly! [two other bubbles, but smaller, float over and pops, both containing raspberry noises for SpongeBob] ;s1e8_12
SpongeBob; [talks into the bubble, puzzled] Patrick, what are you talking about? ;s1e8_13
{system}; [The bubble floats over to Patrick. Another of Squidward's bubbles floats over to SpongeBob and pops] ;s1e8_14
SquidwardBubble; [mimicking Patrick] SpongeBob, I no longer wish to know you. ;s1e8_15
{system}; [SpongeBob gasps] ;s1e8_16
SquidwardBubble; [mimicking Patrick] You give bottom dwellers a bad name. ;s1e8_17
{system}; [Squidward creates several other bubbles and they float over to SpongeBob] ;s1e8_18
SquidwardBubble; [mimicking Patrick] If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar! ;s1e8_19
{system}; [Squidward chuckles. Another bubble floats over to Patrick] ;s1e8_20
SquidwardBubble; [mimicking SpongeBob] Hey, Patrick, I heard there was a job opening down at the pet shop... as some newspaper! ;s1e8_21
Patrick; [stands up and yells at SpongeBob] Well, that makes you a big dummy, you dummy! ;s1e8_22
SpongeBob; [stands up and yells at Patrick] Yeah, well, that means that, uhh... so are you! ;s1e8_23
Patrick; Right, you're a turkey! ;s1e8_24
SpongeBob; What's that? ;s1e8_25
{system}; [Squidward arrives outside with a lawn chair and his souffle] ;s1e8_26
Patrick; It's what you are! ;s1e8_27
{system}; [Squidward begins to laugh hysterically at SpongeBob and Patrick's arguing.] ;s1e8_28
SpongeBob; Well, you're a bigger one! ;s1e8_29
Patrick; Well, you're still yellow! And you know what else is yellow? ;s1e8_30
SpongeBob;What?;s1e8_31
Patrick; You are! ;s1e8_32
SpongeBob; Yeah? Well, it doesn't matter what you call me, 'cause I never wanna see you again anyway! [goes inside through the back door and turns around] Aww, tartar sauce! [shuts the door, some houses in the background briefly jump of their foundations] ;s1e8_33
{system}; [Patrick angrily opens his rock, which closes and comes up sounding like an accordion.] ;s1e8_34
Patrick; Wow, Squidward, you're choking! [runs over to Squidward] Uhh... uhh, I know what to do, but I should wash my hands first. Oh, well. [takes a deep breath and performs CPR on Squidward. As he is doing this, each one of Squidward's tentacles suction cups pops up. Eventually, the fork comes out and Patrick catches it] I win! ;s1e8_35
Squidward; Wow! Patrick, you saved me! ;s1e8_36
Patrick; I did? ;s1e8_37
Squidward; Yup! You're a real lifesaver, friend! [shakes Patrick's hands] ;s1e8_38
Patrick; Friend? [holds Squidward] Friend... ;s1e8_39
Squidward; [uneasily] Yeah, Patrick, we're friends... [steps back] just friends. [they both notice SpongeBob is gazing from his window with a blank stare] ;s1e8_40
Patrick; So what are we gonna do tonight, best friend? [walks with Squidward over to the Easter Island head] ;s1e8_41
Patrick; Clarinet? I love music! ;s1e8_42
{system}; [Inside the pineapple, SpongeBob watches the two go inside Squidward's house] ;s1e8_43
SpongeBob; Ahh, who needs them? They're no fun anyway, right, Gary? [Gary is inside his shell] Gary? [knocks on his shell, it sounds hollow] ;s1e8_44
{system}; [Cut to Squidward's house] ;s1e8_45
Squidward; Squidward will be performing his version of Solitude in E minor. ;s1e8_46
Patrick; [sitting on a bench while clapping] Yeah! E minor! All right! Yeah! ;s1e8_47
{system}; [Squidward takes a deep breath and plays a note, and Patrick immediately falls asleep, to the annoyance of Squidward. Scene now cuts to SpongeBob.] ;s1e8_48
SpongeBob; Ah, what am I worried about? I got plenty of friends! I can name three right off the bat! [holds up three fingers] Uhh... ;s1e8_49
{system}; [SpongeBob draws faces on each finger with a broken smile] ;s1e8_50
SpongeBob; The gang's all here... [looks at the faces on his fingers, and his eyes well with tears] Ohhh! ;s1e8_51
{system}; [Squidward is dragging Patrick, who is still asleep, outside. Suddenly, after a few feet, his back gives out] ;s1e8_52
Squidward; Ow! Oh! My back! I threw out my back! ;s1e8_53
SpongeBob; [sees Squidward in pain] Oh, boy, now's my chance! [jumps out of the window] ;s1e8_54
Squidward; SpongeBob? No, no, stay back! ;s1e8_55
SpongeBob; [running] Don't worry, Squidward! I'm coming! ;s1e8_56
Squidward; No, no, no, get away from me! ;s1e8_57
SpongeBob; Hang on! I'll save you! [rips off his suit revealing a speedo underneath] ;s1e8_58
Squidward; [tries to get to his door] No, no! Get away from me! No, no! ;s1e8_59
SpongeBob; [jumps off a diving board] Hold on! ;s1e8_60
Squidward; No, no! Get away! [screams as SpongeBob dives into his back cracking it back into place] Oh! I'm ruined! I'm... I'm... I'm... I-I feel great! Thanks, SpongeBob! You're a real friend! ;s1e8_61
{system}; [SpongeBob smiles wide in glee] ;s1e8_62
SpongeBob;Friend...;s1e8_63
Squidward; N-no, no, no, I didn't mean that, no-no. ;s1e8_64
SpongeBob; Don't worry, Squiddy, old pal. That's what friends are for. [Squidward and SpongeBob walk to Squidward's house, an Easter Island head.] ;s1e8_65
{system}; [SpongeBob and Squidward are inside Squidward's house] ;s1e8_66
SpongeBob; So dumb Patrick fell asleep on ya, huh? Some friend. A real friend would perform for you! ;s1e8_67
Squidward; You play? ;s1e8_68
SpongeBob; Are you kidding? I've been playing bassinet for years! [takes one from the wall] Give me an A, buddy! ;s1e8_69
{system}; [Squidward plays a note and SpongeBob sings] ;s1e8_70
SpongeBob; Squidward is my best friend in the world. [grates strings with bow] Squidward is my best friend in the sea... ;s1e8_71
{system}; [The bow flies into what looks like Squidward's head and he screams. Fortunately, it turns out it's just a painting the real Squidward pulls the bow out and growls as he snaps it in half with his knee] ;s1e8_72
SpongeBob; [now playing with his fingers like a guitar] Squidward... ;s1e8_73
{system}; [Patrick, now fully awake, pops in through the window] ;s1e8_74
Patrick; Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob! [SpongeBob slams the window in Patrick's face] Oh! ;s1e8_75
SpongeBob; [strums harder before slamming the bass to the floor] And Patrick is a dirty, stinky, rotten friend stealer! [smashes the bass] Umm, I can fix this. ;s1e8_76
{system}; [Squidward is steaming red in fury.] ;s1e8_77
Squidward; Grrrrrryehhhhherrrryeh! [kicks SpongeBob out] ;s1e8_78
SpongeBob; ...So, uhh, I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward! Call me! ;s1e8_79
{system}; [Cut to Squidward's bathroom. Squidward begins walking into the bathroom.] ;s1e8_80
Squidward; Yech! That was disgusting! I feel like I need to scrub myself. [opens up the curtain and screams after he sees Patrick in his bathtub] ;s1e8_81
Patrick; Hey, buddy. I warmed it up for ya. [shows him a brush and soap] ;s1e8_82
Squidward; Patrick! Get out! And put some clothes on! ;s1e8_83
{system}; [SpongeBob peeks in through the upstairs window] ;s1e8_84
SpongeBob; What's the matter, Squidward, old buddy? [notices Patrick in the bath-tub] Oh, ho-ho! So this is what I find, huh?! My best friend and my ex-best friend and... [shown bath toys] ...rubber bath toys! ;s1e8_85
Patrick; [simultaneously] Oh, yeah?! Well, he was my friend first! ;s1e8_86
SpongeBob; [simultaneously] You're just a backbiting, backstabbing silly blob of... ;s1e8_87
Squidward; [screams] This can't be happening to me! [runs away while SpongeBob and Patrick stop their arguing as they notice Squidward's gone] ;s1e8_88
SpongeBob;Buddy!;s1e8_89
Patrick; Squidward, where are you?! ;s1e8_90
SpongeBob; Where'd ya go, friend? ;s1e8_91
Patrick; Where are ya, ol' buddy? ;s1e8_92
Squidward; [hiding in a trash can] Oh, this is nuts! I need a plan to get those two back together and outta my hair! ;s1e8_93
{system}; [Bubble transition. Cut to next scene, at SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob reads a magazine. The doorbell rings, and a letter is pushed under the door. Then he smells it] ;s1e8_94
SpongeBob; [sniffs letter] Squidward. [opens it] A dinner party? I'd love to! [knocks on Squidward's door and Squidward opens it] Did you miss me? ;s1e8_95
Squidward; Come on in! You look stunning. [shuts the door] ;s1e8_96
SpongeBob; I'd much rather dine with you than that lousy... [gasps when he sees Patrick] Say, what gives?! I'm not sitting near that maniac! ;s1e8_97
Patrick; Me neither! This was a setup! ;s1e8_98
Squidward; I thought you two were my best friends. ;s1e8_99
Squidward; [takes out a bottle of soda] Well, how about some soda, guys? [SpongeBob shows him his glass] ;s1e8_100
SpongeBob; Yes, please! [Squidward gives him some soda] Thanks, friend. [flicks Squidward's nose and drinks] ;s1e8_101
Patrick; How about some for your best friend? [SpongeBob puts his glass in front of Patrick's, so he gets the soda instead of Patrick] ;s1e8_102
SpongeBob; Thanks, best friend! [drinks] ;s1e8_103
Patrick; Can I have some now, buddy? ;s1e8_104
SpongeBob; Wait, I need some more! [pours SpongeBob another glass] ;s1e8_105
Patrick; I still didn't get any! [SpongeBob gives Patrick his soda] ;s1e8_106
SpongeBob; There ya go. More please! [Squidward fills his glass as SpongeBob drinks it really fast] ;s1e8_107
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_108
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_109
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Hey, Squidward! ;s1e8_110
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_111
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! [shows Squidward his glass again, but it's still full] Squidward! ;s1e8_112
Squidward; Patrick! Your glass is full! ;s1e8_113
Patrick; Oh, yeah... ;s1e8_114
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_115
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Hey, Squidward! ;s1e8_116
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_117
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_118
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_119
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Hey, Squidward! ;s1e8_120
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_121
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Hey, Squidward! ;s1e8_122
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_123
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_124
SpongeBob; [shows Squidward his glass] Squidward! ;s1e8_125
Patrick; [shows Squidward his glass] Hey, Squidward! ;s1e8_126
{system}; [both show Squidward their glasses] Squidward! ;s1e8_127
Squidward; Sorry, boys, I'm all out of pop. I'm gonna go get some more. [walks away] Why don't you just stay here and chat? [closes door.] ;s1e8_128
{system}; [Then we see SpongeBob and Patrick. They are extremely fat and not wanting to look at each other. Then SpongeBob hiccups and a bubble floats up and pops that sounds like a burp. Both of them laugh and the entire house is full of bubbles as Squidward walks up to his door with a grocery bag. Then an explosion and crashing sounds are heard] ;s1e8_129
Squidward; I should just walk away right now. [opens door to find his house destroyed] What a surprise... I invited them in, and I left them alone. Well, Squidward, what have we learned today? [pieces around the door break] ;s1e8_130
SpongeBob; Guess what, Squidward? [both SpongeBob and Patrick hold each others' hips in a friendly way] ;s1e8_131
Patrick; Me and SpongeBob are friends again! ;s1e8_132
Squidward; Great, now go be friends somewhere else. ;s1e8_133
SpongeBob; Don't you want us to help you clean this up a little? ;s1e8_134
Squidward; No! Out! ;s1e8_135
{system}; [Both SpongeBob and Patrick walk out] ;s1e8_136
SpongeBob; Psst, I think he's jealous. ;s1e8_137
Patrick; How pathetic. ;s1e8_138
{system}; [Squidward shuts door hard and when he turns around as a bubble comes and pops on the door which causes the door to fall on his back] ;s1e8_139
Squidward; Ohhhhh, my back. ;s1e8_140
{system}; [SpongeBob's foghorn alarm goes off] ;s1e9_1
SpongeBob; This is it, Gary! ;s1e9_2
Gary;" Meow. [SpongeBob's bed bounces up and flings SpongeBob onto the calendar, where he lands on March 3rd with the words ""boating exam today!"" on it then drops to the floor] ";s1e9_3
SpongeBob; The big boating exam is today! I've never felt so capable! [A door opens from underneath him. He comes out of his house riding a unicycle] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. Squidward! Squidward! ;s1e9_4
Squidward;What?;s1e9_5
SpongeBob; I'm ready, Squidward! [rides his unicycle around Squidward's house] ;s1e9_6
Squidward; Ready to move? ;s1e9_7
SpongeBob; No, I'm ready to pass my boating test. [rides his unicycle towards Mrs. Puff's Boating School] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready... [stops his unicycle near a dumpster and jumps off of it] I'm ready-eady-eady-eady-eady-eady-eady-eady-ready. Well, pal, I won't be needing you anymore. [throws the unicycle into the dumpster] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! Oh, yeah! I'm ready! ;s1e9_8
Incidental 27 ; Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, I just got my license! ;s1e9_9
SpongeBob; [snaps his fingers] Hey, I'm getting mine next! ;s1e9_10
Incidental 27 ; Hey, I doubt it! [walks off] ;s1e9_11
SpongeBob; Okay, see you on the road. I'm ready! Here I come, Mrs. Puff! I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. [jumps around the boardwalk. Camera goes inside the school, as a female pufferfish looks out the window and sees SpongeBob jumping around.] ;s1e9_12
Mrs. Puff ; [sighs] I'm not ready. [opens the door] ;s1e9_13
SpongeBob; Hi, Mrs. Puff! Today is the day I'm going to pass my boating exam! ;s1e9_14
Mrs. Puff ; [with a clipboard and a pen in hand] We'll see about that, SpongeBob. First we must... ;s1e9_15
SpongeBob; First I must pass the oral exam. I am confident in my abilities to successfully succeed. ;s1e9_16
Mrs. Puff ; I know. Okay, #1: What is the front of the boat? ;s1e9_17
SpongeBob; The bow. [Mrs. Puff writes down his answer] ;s1e9_18
Mrs. Puff ; What is the back? ;s1e9_19
SpongeBob; Stern. [Mrs. Puff writes down his answer] ;s1e9_20
Mrs. Puff ; #3: Right is... ;s1e9_21
SpongeBob; Starboard. [answers the remaining questions] Port. Skipper. Deck. Cabin. Galley. Keel. 1924. [Mrs. Puff writes down his answers] ;s1e9_22
Mrs. Puff ; You've passed the oral test. [sarcastically] What a surprise. [gets in the boat and secures herself tightly] Now it's time to once again take the driving portion of the exam. Okay, SpongeBob, get in the boat. ;s1e9_23
SpongeBob; Oh, in this boat right here? [looks at his watch] Is it time already? ;s1e9_24
Mrs. Puff ; Get in the boat, SpongeBob. ;s1e9_25
SpongeBob; Oh yeah, absolutely. [gets in and closes his eyes with a smile] ;s1e9_26
Mrs. Puff ; All you have to do is get on the track. ;s1e9_27
{system}; [SpongeBob's eyes spring open in awe he looks ahead to the track that gets longer and longer in delusion] ;s1e9_28
Mrs. Puff ; Okay, SpongeBob, what's the first thing you do? ;s1e9_29
SpongeBob;1924...?;s1e9_30
Mrs. Puff ; No, no. First thing is to start the boat. [turns the engine on and SpongeBob goes crazy] SpongeBob? SpongeBob? Relax, it's only the boat. ;s1e9_31
SpongeBob; The boat? ;s1e9_32
Mrs. Puff ; Okay, now what do you do next? ;s1e9_33
SpongeBob; Floor it? ;s1e9_34
Mrs. Puff ; Yes... no! No, don't floor it. ;s1e9_35
SpongeBob; Floor it?! ;s1e9_36
Mrs. Puff ; No, no, don't, don't floor it! ;s1e9_37
SpongeBob; Okay, floor it! [SpongeBob slams on the accelerator and starts driving backwards really fast] ;s1e9_38
Mrs. Puff ; No! No, no, no, nooooo! [the boat whizzes by some spectators before crashing into a lighthouse. After crashing, Mrs. Puff inflates to three times her size. The lighthouse falls, and Mrs. Puff speaks with a deep voice] Oh, SpongeBob, why? ;s1e9_39
Fred; My leg...! ;s1e9_40
SpongeBob; [in his bed at night] I don't know why, Gary. I don't know. I'm tired of failing that boating test. I've already taken it 37 times. ;s1e9_41
Gary;Meow.;s1e9_42
SpongeBob; Okay, 38. [puts his pillow on his head] ;s1e9_43
Gary; [puts on SpongeBob's boots] Meow. ;s1e9_44
Patrick; [over walkie-talkie in SpongeBob's bed] SpongeBob, this is Star Ranger, over. ;s1e9_45
SpongeBob; [through walkie-talkie] What is it, Patrick? ;s1e9_46
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] I got a surprise for you. ;s1e9_47
SpongeBob; [through walkie-talkie] Oh, Patrick, I'm not in the mood. ;s1e9_48
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Get out of bed. [SpongeBob gets out of bed] ;s1e9_49
SpongeBob; [through walkie-talkie] Okay, now what, Patrick? ;s1e9_50
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Go to your closet for a surprise. [SpongeBob slides down a room and stands up in front of his closet door] ;s1e9_51
SpongeBob; [through walkie-talkie] Okay, I'm at the closet. ;s1e9_52
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Listen carefully. What's pink and square at the same time? ;s1e9_53
SpongeBob; [through walkie-talkie] I don't know, Patrick. [opens the closet door, revealing Patrick wearing SpongeBob's clothes] ;s1e9_54
Patrick; Patrick SquarePants! ;s1e9_55
SpongeBob; [deadpan] Pat, don't do that. [sits in a chair] I've got too much to worry about. ;s1e9_56
Patrick; What's the problem? ;s1e9_57
SpongeBob; I can't pass my boating exam. I've taken it 37... ;s1e9_58
Gary;Meow.;s1e9_59
SpongeBob; ...uhh, 38 times. I know all the answers... [Patrick's square pants rip off] ...until I get behind the wheel. I just need something to help me think straight. ;s1e9_60
Patrick; Thinking straight is what I do. You drive and I'll do all the thinking for you. [takes SpongeBob's walkie-talkie] ;s1e9_61
SpongeBob; How are we going to do that? [Patrick puts a walkie-talkie into SpongeBob's head with the antenna coming out of the top] ;s1e9_62
Patrick; Come in, SpongeBob. Hello? Hello? ;s1e9_63
SpongeBob; Hey! I can hear you in my head! This is great! While I'm taking the test, you can give me all the answers. [notices the antenna sticking out] Wait a minute, Patrick. Won't I look silly with this antenna coming out of my head? [Patrick puts a tall hat over the antenna. Next, we see a big telescope peeking out SpongeBob's upstairs window] ;s1e9_64
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Pat to Sponge, Pat to Sponge, testing, testing. [looking through the telescope at SpongeBob] Testing, testing, testing, testing, testing, testing! [loudly] Testing! [screams] Test, test. Do you read?! ;s1e9_65
SpongeBob; Sponge to Pat, I read you loud and clear, over. ;s1e9_66
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Got your apple ready? [SpongeBob shows an apple] Lucky undergarments? Hold on. Hold on. [focuses in on the underwear with the telescope to reveal the word lucky on the top of it] Bingo! Underwear, apple, and me. You're ready to get that license. Uh-oh, here comes Mrs. Puff! Act natural. [SpongeBob jumps out of the boat, then gets on the ground on all fours and starts chewing grass.] ;s1e9_67
SpongeBob; [Moos like a cow] ;s1e9_68
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] No, no, get in the boat! [SpongeBob jumps in the boat. An ambulance arrives with its siren on and drops off Mrs. Puff] Give her the apple. [SpongeBob gives her the apple] ;s1e9_69
SpongeBob; Here you go, ma'am. [Mrs. Puff throws apple in her mouth and swallows] ;s1e9_70
Mrs. Puff ; Let's get this over with. [takes a deep breath] What's the first thing you do? [puts hands and arms over head for protection] ;s1e9_71
SpongeBob; [starts to get scared] Uhh... ;s1e9_72
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Start the boat. [SpongeBob starts the boat. The engine starting up causes Mrs. Puff to go crazy] ;s1e9_73
SpongeBob; Mrs. Puff. Mrs. Puff! ;s1e9_74
Mrs. Puff ; Whoa-ho! Huh? What? ;s1e9_75
SpongeBob; It's okay, it's only the boat. ;s1e9_76
Mrs. Puff ; The boat? You started the boat? ;s1e9_77
SpongeBob; I... I think so. ;s1e9_78
Mrs. Puff ; Oh. Well... what's the second thing you do? ;s1e9_79
SpongeBob;1924?;s1e9_80
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] No, no, put it in drive. ;s1e9_81
SpongeBob; Put it in drive? ;s1e9_82
Mrs. Puff ; Yes, yes, yes! [SpongeBob pushes lever down to drive] Put it in drive. Then what? ;s1e9_83
SpongeBob; [lifts leg up] Floor it? ;s1e9_84
Mrs. Puff ; No! [screams] No! ;s1e9_85
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Freeze, mister! [SpongeBob stops] Big toe. [SpongeBob's big toe pops out of his shoe and gently pushes the accelerator down] ;s1e9_86
Mrs. Puff ; Oh, gracious. Oh, gracious! Oh-oh. Ha-ha! Ah, we haven't crashed yet. ;s1e9_87
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Okay, you're coming to your first turn. [a giant wall with the word wall on it is shown and a left curve] ;s1e9_88
Mrs. Puff ; Oh no, the first turn. Please, tell me you know what to do at the first turn! ;s1e9_89
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Left. [SpongeBob turns left] ;s1e9_90
Mrs. Puff ;Oh!;s1e9_91
Patrick; [through walkie-talkie] Right. [SpongeBob turns right] ;s1e9_92
Mrs. Puff ; Oh! My, this is splendid, SpongeBob. You're doing fine. ;s1e9_93
Montage; [SpongeBob stops at a stop sign and looks both ways before starting to drive again. Then drives around with his left arm out making a signal. Patrick still talking to SpongeBob through the walkie-talkie as SpongeBob drives over a big hill in the road. As Mrs. Puff writes a couple things on her clipboard, Patrick is putting on another pair of SquarePants. SpongeBob pulls back on the boat and the boat jumps in the air over a big anchor. Patrick finds SpongeBob's diary and begins to read and laugh at it as SpongeBob jumps off a ramp through a ring of fire. Fred is walking across the course but SpongeBob stops the boat and helps him walk across. He gets back in the boat as Patrick is eating out of SpongeBob's fridge. SpongeBob is sitting back and driving with his feet and driving upside down.] ;s1e9_94
Mrs. Puff ; Splendid! Wonderful! [sign that reads finish line is just ahead] There's the finish line. It's unbelievable. You've shown the most spectacular improvement of any student I've ever seen. What's your secret? A little radio in your head? [everyone laughs] Oh, and under that hat is some kind of, uhh, antenna? [everyone laughs again] And some guy miles away from here is giving you all the answers? [everyone laughs a third time] Oh, yes, but that would be cheating. ;s1e9_95
{system}; [SpongeBob opens his eyes wide realizing he is cheating only Patrick laughs] ;s1e9_96
Patrick; Cheating! [laughing hysterically] ;s1e9_97
SpongeBob; I'm cheating?! Mrs. Puff! ;s1e9_98
Mrs. Puff ; Yes, my star pupil? ;s1e9_99
SpongeBob; I think I'm cheating. ;s1e9_100
Mrs. Puff ; What's that, dear? [SpongeBob takes a hold of Mrs. Puff] ;s1e9_101
SpongeBob; I think I am cheating! ;s1e9_102
Mrs. Puff ; You've... you've let go of the wheel. ;s1e9_103
SpongeBob; I do have an antenna under my hat! [shows the antenna under his hat] There is a guy giving me all the answers! It's all true! [crying] I'm cheating! I'm cheating! I'm cheating! ;s1e9_104
Patrick; What?! [runs out of SpongeBob's house and back under his rock, crying] ;s1e9_105
SpongeBob; I'm sorry, Mrs. Puff! I'm sorry! ;s1e9_106
Mrs. Puff ; [panicking] The wheel, SpongeBob! The wheel... ;s1e9_107
SpongeBob; Cheating... I'm a cheater! Cheater... ;s1e9_108
Mrs. Puff ; No, no, no! It's quite alright! You can cheat that way! ;s1e9_109
SpongeBob; No... I'm cheating...! ;s1e9_110
Mrs. Puff ; At least, SpongeBob... ;s1e9_111
SpongeBob; I'm cheating! ;s1e9_112
Mrs. Puff ; Cheat that way! That way! ;s1e9_113
SpongeBob; I'm a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater! ;s1e9_114
Mrs. Puff ; It's okay to cheat today! ;s1e9_115
SpongeBob;No...!;s1e9_116
Mrs. Puff ; That way! That way! Cheat that way! ;s1e9_117
SpongeBob; Cheater...! [crashes offscreen head-on into the same lighthouse. Mrs. Puff inflates with a look of despair. The lighthouse falls yet again] ;s1e9_118
Mrs. Puff ; [deep voice] Oh, SpongeBob, why? ;s1e9_119
SpongeBob; Mrs. Puff, I think I cheated. ;s1e9_120
Fred; My leg! [some time later, EMTs are wheeling a still-inflated Mrs. Puff away on a gurney] ;s1e9_121
SpongeBob; Uhh, I'm sorry for letting you down again, Mrs. Puff. ;s1e9_122
Mrs. Puff ; [normal voice] It's okay, SpongeBob, you didn't mean it. Okay, boys, take me away. [EMTs shove Mrs. Puff into the ambulance] ;s1e9_123
SpongeBob; Don't worry, Mrs. Puff. I'll try harder next semester. [Mrs. Puff cries as she is taken away by the ambulance] It'll be great! [walks away] Only now I don't even have my bike. ;s1e9_124
Gary; [with SpongeBob's unicycle] Meow. ;s1e9_125
SpongeBob; Gary! My bike! You found it! This sponge is still mobile! [rides away on his bike with Gary on his head] Alright, let's go surprise someone at the hospital! ;s1e9_126
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