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Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? Rick: Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof. Rick:	Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? Rick: Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof. Rick: Ugh, unless she has the flu.	Ugh, unless she has the flu.
Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick:	Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.	Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.
Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick: It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home? Rick:	Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick: It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home? Rick: There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.	There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.
Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick:	Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake.	Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick:	Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright.	Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself. Pickle Rick: Pickle Riiick! Pickle Rick: Get that parkour. Get that parkour! Pickle Rick: Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit. Pickle Rick:	Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself. Pickle Rick: Pickle Riiick! Pickle Rick: Get that parkour. Get that parkour! Pickle Rick: Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.	Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.
Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Morty! Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage! Pickle Rick:	Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Morty! Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage! Pickle Rick: Morty?	Morty?
Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?! Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe? Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything. Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood... Rick:	Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?! Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe? Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything. Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood... Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit.	Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit.
Campaign Manager Morty: What’s this? Cop Rick: Hands in the air! Cop Morty: You guys doin’ a little chemistry homework with Grandpa? Cop Rick: Is this what I think it is? Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid. Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place. Cop Rick:	Campaign Manager Morty: What’s this? Cop Rick: Hands in the air! Cop Morty: You guys doin’ a little chemistry homework with Grandpa? Cop Rick: Is this what I think it is? Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid. Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place. Cop Rick: It’s okay, Morty.	It’s okay, Morty.
President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. Morty: Hey. Rick: I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. Rick: No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms. President: All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? Rick:	President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. Morty: Hey. Rick: I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. Rick: No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms. President: All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? Rick: You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.	You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.
Morty: I'm in a lot of pain, Rick! Rick: Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty? Morty: Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something. Rick: Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Morty: Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick:	Morty: I'm in a lot of pain, Rick! Rick: Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty? Morty: Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something. Rick: Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Morty: Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?	Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?
Cop Morty: Not so big now, are ya? Cop Rick: That's enough! Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk! Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick:	Cop Morty: Not so big now, are ya? Cop Rick: That's enough! Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk! Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys.	Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys.
Rick: I'm a full season behind. Morty: Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird. Rick: It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty. Mrs. Pancakes: Wheat thins. Wheat thins. Mr. Goldenfold: I'll take two. Mrs. Pancakes: Oh, I think you've had enough, sir. Rick:	Rick: I'm a full season behind. Morty: Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird. Rick: It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty. Mrs. Pancakes: Wheat thins. Wheat thins. Mr. Goldenfold: I'll take two. Mrs. Pancakes: Oh, I think you've had enough, sir. Rick: All right, Morty, time to make our move.	All right, Morty, time to make our move.
Mr. Goldenfold: The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you! Rick: Take cover, Morty! Mr. Goldenfold: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morty: Ooohhh! Rick: Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty. Morty: What?! Are you kidding me?! Ohhhhhh! Rick:	Mr. Goldenfold: The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you! Rick: Take cover, Morty! Mr. Goldenfold: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morty: Ooohhh! Rick: Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty. Morty: What?! Are you kidding me?! Ohhhhhh! Rick: Don't be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!	Don't be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!
Morty: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137. Summer: He's in prison. Morty: Summer. Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick:	Morty: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137. Summer: He's in prison. Morty: Summer. Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.	Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.
Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live. Pickle Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants. Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live. Pickle Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants. Pickle Rick: Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh!	Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh!
Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty Nathan: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? President: It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. Rick: Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops Nathan: Mr. Bulldops? President: Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working! Rick:	Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty Nathan: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? President: It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. Rick: Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops Nathan: Mr. Bulldops? President: Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working! Rick: Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here	Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here
Rick: I wasn't gonna let her die, you fuckin' moron! Riq IV: Ha! Summer: Aww. Rick: The point is he thought I was going to. Riq IV: I totally did, by the way. You're a fucking moron, Morty. Summer: Morty, you fucking idiot! Rick:	Rick: I wasn't gonna let her die, you fuckin' moron! Riq IV: Ha! Summer: Aww. Rick: The point is he thought I was going to. Riq IV: I totally did, by the way. You're a fucking moron, Morty. Summer: Morty, you fucking idiot! Rick: You're a serious fuckin' idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand.	You're a serious fuckin' idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand.
Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him! Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again? Rick: You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that. Supernova: I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was! Alan: If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time... Million Ants: Do not threaten her! Drunk Rick:	Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him! Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again? Rick: You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that. Supernova: I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was! Alan: If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time... Million Ants: Do not threaten her! Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!	Congrats, you did it!
Summer: A competent one. Rick: Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing. Rick: Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize. Morty: Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean? Rick: It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards. Morty: Wait a minute, what? Rick:	Summer: A competent one. Rick: Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing. Rick: Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize. Morty: Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean? Rick: It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards. Morty: Wait a minute, what? Rick: And away we go!	And away we go!
Cromulon: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. Rick: Ahem. Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts. Principal Vagina: Headward free now to rise! Mr. Goldenfold: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! President: I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! Morty: Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! Rick:	Cromulon: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. Rick: Ahem. Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts. Principal Vagina: Headward free now to rise! Mr. Goldenfold: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! President: I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! Morty: Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! Rick: Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd.	Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd.
All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look. All Mortys: Oh, my God! All Summers: Are those cats? All Ricks: I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us. All Ricks:	All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look. All Mortys: Oh, my God! All Summers: Are those cats? All Ricks: I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us. All Ricks: “Mom and Dad?” Get your head out of your family's ass. The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion. Your parents get to exist. They're probably living it up in some pointless grounded story about their shitty marriage.	“Mom and Dad?” Get your head out of your family's ass. The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion. Your parents get to exist. They're probably living it up in some pointless grounded story about their shitty marriage.
Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh! Summer: You're alive! Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later. Riq IV: That's enough, Rick. Rick:	Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh! Summer: You're alive! Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later. Riq IV: That's enough, Rick. Rick: What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.	What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.
Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding. Morty: But that's the opposite of what- Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running. Morty: Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking. Rick:	Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding. Morty: But that's the opposite of what- Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running. Morty: Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking. Rick: Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while.	Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while.
Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these. Morty: Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? Rick:	Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these. Morty: Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? Rick: Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.	Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.
Morty: Whoa! Summer: Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things? Morty: Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross! Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here. Morty: It's Summer! Aw, geez. Summer: Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich. Rick:	Morty: Whoa! Summer: Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things? Morty: Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross! Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here. Morty: It's Summer! Aw, geez. Summer: Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich. Rick: Time to go another dream deep, Morty!	Time to go another dream deep, Morty!
All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain! Morty 1: What do you mean? Morty 2: What? In English? Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks:	All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain! Morty 1: What do you mean? Morty 2: What? In English? Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.	We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.
Summer: What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick:	Summer: What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-	That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-
Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night. Drunk Rick:	Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night. Drunk Rick: If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...	If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...
Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys. Rick J-22: A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon. Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!! Rick J-22:	Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys. Rick J-22: A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon. Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!! Rick J-22: Then come and get me, motherfuckers!!	Then come and get me, motherfuckers!!
Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! Rick: Jaguar! Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick:	Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! Rick: Jaguar! Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.	That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.
Glasses Morty: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Lizard Morty: SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!! Glasses Morty: Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice. Campaign Manager Morty: He gotta be stopped... He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win. Campaign Manager Morty: He's alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me! I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is not what he seems. Campaign Manager Morty: He... won? Cop Rick:	Glasses Morty: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Lizard Morty: SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!! Glasses Morty: Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice. Campaign Manager Morty: He gotta be stopped... He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win. Campaign Manager Morty: He's alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me! I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is not what he seems. Campaign Manager Morty: He... won? Cop Rick: Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything.	Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything.
Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rick: What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot. Morty: They tried to murder him first. Morty: Yeah, he knows. He murdered them. Rick:	Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rick: What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot. Morty: They tried to murder him first. Morty: Yeah, he knows. He murdered them. Rick: Every day.	Every day.
Dr. Wong: Tell me. Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick:	Dr. Wong: Tell me. Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself.	God damn it, I love myself.
Morty: Shut up. Million Ants: I sense this means we are not drying. Supernova: Not all of us. Million Ants: Sweetheart? Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good. Morty: Greater good?! Rick:	Morty: Shut up. Million Ants: I sense this means we are not drying. Supernova: Not all of us. Million Ants: Sweetheart? Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good. Morty: Greater good?! Rick: Titty-Bean?	Titty-Bean?
Pickle Rick: Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. Morty: And? Pickle Rick: "And"? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job? Morty: Was it? Pickle Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before Morty: Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick? Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. Morty: And? Pickle Rick: "And"? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job? Morty: Was it? Pickle Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before Morty: Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick? Pickle Rick: I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.	I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.
Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.	Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.
Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. Drunk Rick:	Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. Drunk Rick: Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die.	Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die.
Testicle Monster A: There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. Testicle Monster A: Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! Jerry: The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. Beth: Jerry, get a job. Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. Summer: Gross, what is that thing? Rick:	Testicle Monster A: There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. Testicle Monster A: Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! Jerry: The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. Beth: Jerry, get a job. Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. Summer: Gross, what is that thing? Rick: Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?	Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?
Morty: Oh, my God! Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone. Dr. Wong: You admire him for that. Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems. Pickle Rick: Oh, come on! Pickle Rick:	Morty: Oh, my God! Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone. Dr. Wong: You admire him for that. Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems. Pickle Rick: Oh, come on! Pickle Rick: You should know that isn't original.	You should know that isn't original.