Datasets:

dmitrijsk

/

rick

like 0

Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? Rick: Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof. Rick:

Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? Rick: Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof. Rick: Ugh, unless she has the flu.

Ugh, unless she has the flu.

Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick:

Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.

Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.

Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick: It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home? Rick:

Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick: It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home? Rick: There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.

There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.

Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick:

Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick:

Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright.

Oh, crap, that sun is bright.

Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself. Pickle Rick: Pickle Riiick! Pickle Rick: Get that parkour. Get that parkour! Pickle Rick: Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit. Pickle Rick:

Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself. Pickle Rick: Pickle Riiick! Pickle Rick: Get that parkour. Get that parkour! Pickle Rick: Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.

Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Morty! Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage! Pickle Rick:

Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Morty! Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage! Pickle Rick: Morty?

Morty?

Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?! Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe? Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything. Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood... Rick:

Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?! Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe? Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything. Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood... Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit.

Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit.

Campaign Manager Morty: What’s this? Cop Rick: Hands in the air! Cop Morty: You guys doin’ a little chemistry homework with Grandpa? Cop Rick: Is this what I think it is? Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid. Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place. Cop Rick:

Campaign Manager Morty: What’s this? Cop Rick: Hands in the air! Cop Morty: You guys doin’ a little chemistry homework with Grandpa? Cop Rick: Is this what I think it is? Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid. Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place. Cop Rick: It’s okay, Morty.

It’s okay, Morty.

President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. Morty: Hey. Rick: I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. Rick: No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms. President: All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? Rick:

President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. Morty: Hey. Rick: I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. Rick: No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms. President: All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? Rick: You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.

You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.

Morty: I'm in a lot of pain, Rick! Rick: Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty? Morty: Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something. Rick: Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Morty: Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick:

Morty: I'm in a lot of pain, Rick! Rick: Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty? Morty: Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something. Rick: Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Morty: Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?

Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?

Cop Morty: Not so big now, are ya? Cop Rick: That's enough! Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk! Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick:

Cop Morty: Not so big now, are ya? Cop Rick: That's enough! Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk! Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys.

Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys.

Rick: I'm a full season behind. Morty: Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird. Rick: It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty. Mrs. Pancakes: Wheat thins. Wheat thins. Mr. Goldenfold: I'll take two. Mrs. Pancakes: Oh, I think you've had enough, sir. Rick:

Rick: I'm a full season behind. Morty: Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird. Rick: It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty. Mrs. Pancakes: Wheat thins. Wheat thins. Mr. Goldenfold: I'll take two. Mrs. Pancakes: Oh, I think you've had enough, sir. Rick: All right, Morty, time to make our move.

All right, Morty, time to make our move.

Mr. Goldenfold: The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you! Rick: Take cover, Morty! Mr. Goldenfold: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morty: Ooohhh! Rick: Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty. Morty: What?! Are you kidding me?! Ohhhhhh! Rick:

Mr. Goldenfold: The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you! Rick: Take cover, Morty! Mr. Goldenfold: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morty: Ooohhh! Rick: Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty. Morty: What?! Are you kidding me?! Ohhhhhh! Rick: Don't be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!

Don't be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!

Morty: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137. Summer: He's in prison. Morty: Summer. Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick:

Morty: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137. Summer: He's in prison. Morty: Summer. Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.

Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.

Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live. Pickle Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live. Pickle Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants. Pickle Rick: Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh!

Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh!

Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty Nathan: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? President: It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. Rick: Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops Nathan: Mr. Bulldops? President: Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working! Rick:

Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty Nathan: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? President: It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. Rick: Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops Nathan: Mr. Bulldops? President: Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working! Rick: Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here

Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here

Rick: I wasn't gonna let her die, you fuckin' moron! Riq IV: Ha! Summer: Aww. Rick: The point is he thought I was going to. Riq IV: I totally did, by the way. You're a fucking moron, Morty. Summer: Morty, you fucking idiot! Rick:

Rick: I wasn't gonna let her die, you fuckin' moron! Riq IV: Ha! Summer: Aww. Rick: The point is he thought I was going to. Riq IV: I totally did, by the way. You're a fucking moron, Morty. Summer: Morty, you fucking idiot! Rick: You're a serious fuckin' idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand.

You're a serious fuckin' idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand.

Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him! Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again? Rick: You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that. Supernova: I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was! Alan: If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time... Million Ants: Do not threaten her! Drunk Rick:

Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him! Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again? Rick: You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that. Supernova: I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was! Alan: If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time... Million Ants: Do not threaten her! Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!

Congrats, you did it!

Summer: A competent one. Rick: Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing. Rick: Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize. Morty: Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean? Rick: It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards. Morty: Wait a minute, what? Rick:

Summer: A competent one. Rick: Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing. Rick: Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize. Morty: Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean? Rick: It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards. Morty: Wait a minute, what? Rick: And away we go!

And away we go!

Cromulon: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. Rick: Ahem. Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts. Principal Vagina: Headward free now to rise! Mr. Goldenfold: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! President: I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! Morty: Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! Rick:

Cromulon: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. Rick: Ahem. Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts. Principal Vagina: Headward free now to rise! Mr. Goldenfold: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! President: I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! Morty: Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! Rick: Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd.

Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd.

All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look. All Mortys: Oh, my God! All Summers: Are those cats? All Ricks: I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us. All Ricks:

All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look. All Mortys: Oh, my God! All Summers: Are those cats? All Ricks: I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us. All Ricks: “Mom and Dad?” Get your head out of your family's ass. The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion. Your parents get to exist. They're probably living it up in some pointless grounded story about their shitty marriage.

“Mom and Dad?” Get your head out of your family's ass. The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion. Your parents get to exist. They're probably living it up in some pointless grounded story about their shitty marriage.

Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh! Summer: You're alive! Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later. Riq IV: That's enough, Rick. Rick:

Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh! Summer: You're alive! Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later. Riq IV: That's enough, Rick. Rick: What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.

What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.

Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding. Morty: But that's the opposite of what- Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running. Morty: Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking. Rick:

Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding. Morty: But that's the opposite of what- Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running. Morty: Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking. Rick: Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while.

Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while.

Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these. Morty: Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? Rick:

Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these. Morty: Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? Rick: Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.

Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.

Morty: Whoa! Summer: Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things? Morty: Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross! Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here. Morty: It's Summer! Aw, geez. Summer: Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich. Rick:

Morty: Whoa! Summer: Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things? Morty: Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross! Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here. Morty: It's Summer! Aw, geez. Summer: Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich. Rick: Time to go another dream deep, Morty!

Time to go another dream deep, Morty!

All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain! Morty 1: What do you mean? Morty 2: What? In English? Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks:

All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain! Morty 1: What do you mean? Morty 2: What? In English? Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.

We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.

Summer: What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick:

Summer: What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-

That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-

Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night. Drunk Rick:

Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night. Drunk Rick: If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...

If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...

Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys. Rick J-22: A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon. Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!! Rick J-22:

Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys. Rick J-22: A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon. Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!! Rick J-22: Then come and get me, motherfuckers!!

Then come and get me, motherfuckers!!

Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! Rick: Jaguar! Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick:

Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! Rick: Jaguar! Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.

That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.

Glasses Morty: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Lizard Morty: SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!! Glasses Morty: Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice. Campaign Manager Morty: He gotta be stopped... He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win. Campaign Manager Morty: He's alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me! I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is not what he seems. Campaign Manager Morty: He... won? Cop Rick:

Glasses Morty: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Lizard Morty: SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!! Glasses Morty: Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice. Campaign Manager Morty: He gotta be stopped... He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win. Campaign Manager Morty: He's alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me! I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is not what he seems. Campaign Manager Morty: He... won? Cop Rick: Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything.

Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything.

Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rick: What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot. Morty: They tried to murder him first. Morty: Yeah, he knows. He murdered them. Rick:

Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rick: What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot. Morty: They tried to murder him first. Morty: Yeah, he knows. He murdered them. Rick: Every day.

Every day.

Dr. Wong: Tell me. Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick:

Dr. Wong: Tell me. Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself.

God damn it, I love myself.

Morty: Shut up. Million Ants: I sense this means we are not drying. Supernova: Not all of us. Million Ants: Sweetheart? Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good. Morty: Greater good?! Rick:

Morty: Shut up. Million Ants: I sense this means we are not drying. Supernova: Not all of us. Million Ants: Sweetheart? Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good. Morty: Greater good?! Rick: Titty-Bean?

Titty-Bean?

Pickle Rick: Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. Morty: And? Pickle Rick: "And"? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job? Morty: Was it? Pickle Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before Morty: Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick? Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. Morty: And? Pickle Rick: "And"? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job? Morty: Was it? Pickle Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before Morty: Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick? Pickle Rick: I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.

I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.

Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.

Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.

Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. Drunk Rick:

Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. Drunk Rick: Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die.

Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die.

Testicle Monster A: There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. Testicle Monster A: Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! Jerry: The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. Beth: Jerry, get a job. Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. Summer: Gross, what is that thing? Rick:

Testicle Monster A: There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. Testicle Monster A: Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! Jerry: The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. Beth: Jerry, get a job. Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. Summer: Gross, what is that thing? Rick: Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?

Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?

Morty: Oh, my God! Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone. Dr. Wong: You admire him for that. Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems. Pickle Rick: Oh, come on! Pickle Rick:

Morty: Oh, my God! Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone. Dr. Wong: You admire him for that. Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems. Pickle Rick: Oh, come on! Pickle Rick: You should know that isn't original.

You should know that isn't original.

Morty: Aw, man! Rick: Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry. Rick: All right, Ruffles What's his name? Morty: Snuffles. Rick: Snuffles, shake. Rick: Roll over. Rick:

Morty: Aw, man! Rick: Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry. Rick: All right, Ruffles What's his name? Morty: Snuffles. Rick: Snuffles, shake. Rick: Roll over. Rick: Go to the bathroom.

Go to the bathroom.

Morty: Rick, Ice-T, could you guys take it less easy?! We’ve got six hours to come up with a song! Rick: Genius happens in the moment, Morty. Morty: Well, can we at least go get our family? You know, so we can take them with-with-with us if we lose? Rick: That’s planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. Balls. Rick: Morty, Morty, stop! Listen! There’s only so much charge left in this thing. If we portal home from here and back, we’re not gonna have enough charge left to get off-world. Get it? Morty: What?! Rick:

Morty: Rick, Ice-T, could you guys take it less easy?! We’ve got six hours to come up with a song! Rick: Genius happens in the moment, Morty. Morty: Well, can we at least go get our family? You know, so we can take them with-with-with us if we lose? Rick: That’s planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. Balls. Rick: Morty, Morty, stop! Listen! There’s only so much charge left in this thing. If we portal home from here and back, we’re not gonna have enough charge left to get off-world. Get it? Morty: What?! Rick: Yeah, you see, I try to shelter you from certain realities, Morty. Cause if I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.

Yeah, you see, I try to shelter you from certain realities, Morty. Cause if I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.

Alan: Yeah, I guess. Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Alan: But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond. Alan: I mean, really unspoken. Like, "let's-not-tell-my-husband" unspoken. Supernova: We aren't married anymore, Alan. Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick:

Alan: Yeah, I guess. Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Alan: But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond. Alan: I mean, really unspoken. Like, "let's-not-tell-my-husband" unspoken. Supernova: We aren't married anymore, Alan. Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!

That's a three-pointer!

Jerry: Beth, it's him or me! Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage. Rick: What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle. Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced. Rick: Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that. Beth: Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear. I feel terrible that I misjudged you. This is gonna be good for Jerry. Rick:

Jerry: Beth, it's him or me! Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage. Rick: What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle. Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced. Rick: Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that. Beth: Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear. I feel terrible that I misjudged you. This is gonna be good for Jerry. Rick: For everybody.

For everybody.

Snuffles: Tell me, Summer, if a human was born with stumpy legs, would they breed it with another deformed human and put their children on display like the dachshund? Summer: Uhhh ... Jerry: Hey. Oh, wow. Okay, is is is everything okay in here? Snuffles: Jerry, come to rub my face in urine again? Summer: Yeah. Totally. Let's go. Snuffles: You will walk when it is time to walk. Rick:

Snuffles: Tell me, Summer, if a human was born with stumpy legs, would they breed it with another deformed human and put their children on display like the dachshund? Summer: Uhhh ... Jerry: Hey. Oh, wow. Okay, is is is everything okay in here? Snuffles: Jerry, come to rub my face in urine again? Summer: Yeah. Totally. Let's go. Snuffles: You will walk when it is time to walk. Rick: What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-

What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-

Rick: You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that. Morty: Do the cabbage patch. Do—do—do the dance. Summer: Hey wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here? Morty: I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything. Rick: Yeah. Morty: But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think. Rick:

Rick: You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that. Morty: Do the cabbage patch. Do—do—do the dance. Summer: Hey wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here? Morty: I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything. Rick: Yeah. Morty: But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think. Rick: Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit.

Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit.

Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a- Rick:

Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a- Rick: Why does he have to go over there?

Why does he have to go over there?

Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Rick: We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here. Morty: Oh, thank god. Rick: You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive. Morty: It was? Rick:

Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Rick: We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here. Morty: Oh, thank god. Rick: You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive. Morty: It was? Rick: Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo—

Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo—

Jerry: I'm an angry father, not an improviser. Rick: Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers? Rick: You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning. Jerry: You're beyond our reasoning! Rick: Takes one to know one. Beth: Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's. Rick:

Jerry: I'm an angry father, not an improviser. Rick: Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers? Rick: You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning. Jerry: You're beyond our reasoning! Rick: Takes one to know one. Beth: Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's. Rick: What what are you guys doing with my stuff?

What what are you guys doing with my stuff?

Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right. Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-- Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants. Cornvelious Daniel: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel? Rick: I didn't. I did. Young Rick:

Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right. Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-- Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants. Cornvelious Daniel: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel? Rick: I didn't. I did. Young Rick: What?

What?

Drunk Rick: All right, buy now, I've been pretty clear that I thunk the Vindicators are full of shit. But... you do have one thing I'll never have. And that thing is the only part of the Vindicators with any value to me. if you know what it is, place it on the platform.Guess wrong and the pla... planet will explode. And probably the solar system, 'cause I kind of fucking eyeballed the neutrino bombs on this one. Supernova: So what's the trick? Morty, you're the Drunk Rick expert. Morty: I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. he said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave. Supernova: Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions! Rick: I could--It could be Morty. Morty: What? Rick:

Drunk Rick: All right, buy now, I've been pretty clear that I thunk the Vindicators are full of shit. But... you do have one thing I'll never have. And that thing is the only part of the Vindicators with any value to me. if you know what it is, place it on the platform.Guess wrong and the pla... planet will explode. And probably the solar system, 'cause I kind of fucking eyeballed the neutrino bombs on this one. Supernova: So what's the trick? Morty, you're the Drunk Rick expert. Morty: I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. he said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave. Supernova: Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions! Rick: I could--It could be Morty. Morty: What? Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you."

Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you."

Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human. Pickle Rick: Yes. Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human. Pickle Rick: Yes. Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here.

So I wouldn't have to come here.

Beth: What does that mean? Jerry: It's personal. Morty: Dad, mom, come on. Rick just needed my help is all. Jerry: Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own. Rick: What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something? Beth: Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes. Rick:

Beth: What does that mean? Jerry: It's personal. Morty: Dad, mom, come on. Rick just needed my help is all. Jerry: Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own. Rick: What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something? Beth: Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes. Rick: I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more specific?

I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more specific?

Pickle Rick: Ugh. Dr. Wong: You must be Rick. Pickle Rick: Mm-hmm. Dr. Wong: I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella. Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Ugh. Dr. Wong: You must be Rick. Pickle Rick: Mm-hmm. Dr. Wong: I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella. Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent.

It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent.

Summer: Ha-ha! Morty: Aw, man! Rick: Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry. Rick: All right, Ruffles What's his name? Morty: Snuffles. Rick: Snuffles, shake. Rick:

Summer: Ha-ha! Morty: Aw, man! Rick: Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry. Rick: All right, Ruffles What's his name? Morty: Snuffles. Rick: Snuffles, shake. Rick: Roll over.

Roll over.

Teacher Rick: I don't know, and I don't have to know. I've been fired. Good luck, turds. Lizard Morty: Holy crap... Slick's wish came true. Rick: Whoa!! Hahaha, yeah! Atlantis, baby! Morty: That was amazing! Rick: Got some of that mermaid puss! Morty: I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her again. By the way, hey, um... still not curious about what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place? Rick:

Teacher Rick: I don't know, and I don't have to know. I've been fired. Good luck, turds. Lizard Morty: Holy crap... Slick's wish came true. Rick: Whoa!! Hahaha, yeah! Atlantis, baby! Morty: That was amazing! Rick: Got some of that mermaid puss! Morty: I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her again. By the way, hey, um... still not curious about what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place? Rick: Pssh! Not at all, Morty. That place will never have any bearing over our lives ever again. Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!! We're going back for seconds! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis!

Pssh! Not at all, Morty. That place will never have any bearing over our lives ever again. Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!! We're going back for seconds! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis!

Morty: It's Summer! Aw, geez. Summer: Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich. Rick: Time to go another dream deep, Morty! Morty: What the hell? Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs. Rick: Geez, I don't know, Morty. Wha-what do you want from me? Scary Terry: Welcome to your nightmare, bitch! RAAAAAWWWRRR! Rick:

Morty: It's Summer! Aw, geez. Summer: Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich. Rick: Time to go another dream deep, Morty! Morty: What the hell? Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs. Rick: Geez, I don't know, Morty. Wha-what do you want from me? Scary Terry: Welcome to your nightmare, bitch! RAAAAAWWWRRR! Rick: Oh, here we go!

Oh, here we go!

Morty: Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you! Riq IV: All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty. Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh! Summer: You're alive! Morty: Rick! Rick:

Morty: Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you! Riq IV: All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty. Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh! Summer: You're alive! Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later.

Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later.

Morty: He bails on everybody! He bailed on Mom when she was a kid! He -- He bailed on tiny planet! And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer, he bailed on you. He left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care! Because nobody's special to him, Summer, not even himself. So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel. The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard! Summer: You're right! Morty: What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer! Morty: Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa! Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going? Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything. Rick:

Morty: He bails on everybody! He bailed on Mom when she was a kid! He -- He bailed on tiny planet! And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer, he bailed on you. He left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care! Because nobody's special to him, Summer, not even himself. So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel. The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard! Summer: You're right! Morty: What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer! Morty: Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa! Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going? Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything. Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.

Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.

Agency Director: We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? Agency Director: Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. Pickle Rick: Hi, um, can you, uh please let me out. Agency Director: Your mere presence in this building violates international law. Pickle Rick: You should know those men killed themselves. Agency Director: And how is that? Pickle Rick:

Agency Director: We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? Agency Director: Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. Pickle Rick: Hi, um, can you, uh please let me out. Agency Director: Your mere presence in this building violates international law. Pickle Rick: You should know those men killed themselves. Agency Director: And how is that? Pickle Rick: They didn't let me out.

They didn't let me out.

Snuffles: Begin phase two. Morty: Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead! Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon. Morty: What? Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick:

Snuffles: Begin phase two. Morty: Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead! Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon. Morty: What? Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie.

It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie.

Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Morty: Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick:

Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Morty: Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left.

There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left.

Rick: And so that's the surprise, Morty. Morty: No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! Rick: I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty. Morty: I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— Rick:

Rick: And so that's the surprise, Morty. Morty: No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! Rick: I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty. Morty: I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— Rick: You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways.

You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways.

Morty: I'm sorry. No, no. Morty: No, thanks! Morty: No, I'm okay. Morty: Whoa! Summer: Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things? Morty: Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross! Rick:

Morty: I'm sorry. No, no. Morty: No, thanks! Morty: No, I'm okay. Morty: Whoa! Summer: Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things? Morty: Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross! Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here.

Rick: It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about. Morty: You talking about "Inception"? Rick: That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense. Morty: "Inception" made sense. Rick: You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time. Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework? Rick:

Rick: It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about. Morty: You talking about "Inception"? Rick: That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense. Morty: "Inception" made sense. Rick: You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time. Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework? Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it.

Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it.

Beth: Jerry? Jerry: I'm sorry. It's just like the end of "Old Yeller. Beth: Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it. Morty: Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick. Rick: I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven. Morty: You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick. Rick:

Beth: Jerry? Jerry: I'm sorry. It's just like the end of "Old Yeller. Beth: Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it. Morty: Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick. Rick: I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven. Morty: You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick. Rick: What do you know, Morty? What do you know?

What do you know, Morty? What do you know?

Beth: Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay? Morty: Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy? Pickle Rick: Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick:

Beth: Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay? Morty: Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy? Pickle Rick: Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that.

Can't argue with that.

Rick: Uh, my God, that's better. Supernova: RICK! Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see. Alan: I could've just used a ghost train. Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train! Alan: Man, fuck you. Rick:

Rick: Uh, my God, that's better. Supernova: RICK! Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see. Alan: I could've just used a ghost train. Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train! Alan: Man, fuck you. Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing?

Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing?

Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it. Cornvelious Daniel: Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun? Rick: Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost. Cornvelious Daniel: Awesome-possum. Mission Control, you getting this? Cornvelious Daniel: Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me? Rick:

Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it. Cornvelious Daniel: Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun? Rick: Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost. Cornvelious Daniel: Awesome-possum. Mission Control, you getting this? Cornvelious Daniel: Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me? Rick: Nope, they cannot.

Nope, they cannot.

Rick: Right, Crocubot. So, you're half-cold, unfeeling reptile, half-also cold, equally-unfeeling machine. Rick: So, you're origin is what? Y-You fell into a vat of redundancy? Supernova: Noob-Noob, we're having a briefing! If I can continue, Rick. I anticipate sophisticated security measures. I trust you can be of service there. Rick: Well, let me check my list of powers and weaknesses. Ability to do anything... But only whenever I want... Yeah, that sounds like a job for me. Alan: I wish he had the ability to check is attitude. Rick: Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghiost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle! Rick:

Rick: Right, Crocubot. So, you're half-cold, unfeeling reptile, half-also cold, equally-unfeeling machine. Rick: So, you're origin is what? Y-You fell into a vat of redundancy? Supernova: Noob-Noob, we're having a briefing! If I can continue, Rick. I anticipate sophisticated security measures. I trust you can be of service there. Rick: Well, let me check my list of powers and weaknesses. Ability to do anything... But only whenever I want... Yeah, that sounds like a job for me. Alan: I wish he had the ability to check is attitude. Rick: Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghiost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle! Rick: Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it.

Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it.

Morty: Je-Jessica. Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening. Morty: Uh, morning, Frank. Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Rick: There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? Rick:

Morty: Je-Jessica. Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening. Morty: Uh, morning, Frank. Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Rick: There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? Rick: It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. It's important. Come on, Morty.

It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. It's important. Come on, Morty.

Morty: Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. Morty: Je-Jessica. Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening. Morty: Uh, morning, Frank. Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Rick:

Morty: Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. Morty: Je-Jessica. Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening. Morty: Uh, morning, Frank. Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Rick: There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands.

There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands.

Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you. Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers. Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii. Morty: You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back. Rick: Morty, how many of these...? Morty: Too many, Rick! Too many! Rick:

Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you. Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers. Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii. Morty: You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back. Rick: Morty, how many of these...? Morty: Too many, Rick! Too many! Rick: Man, I am really getting high-roaded today.

Man, I am really getting high-roaded today.

Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you." Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess. Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got. Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it. Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or... Rick:

Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you." Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess. Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got. Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it. Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or... Rick: Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Rick: Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. Summer: Frank Palicky was frozen to death today! Rick: No idea what you're talking about. Jerry: Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night again. This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you. Beth: You know what? Okay. Morty: Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter. Rick:

Rick: Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. Summer: Frank Palicky was frozen to death today! Rick: No idea what you're talking about. Jerry: Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night again. This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you. Beth: You know what? Okay. Morty: Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter. Rick: Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity.

Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity.

Rick: Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment? Cornvelious Daniel: Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer. Rick: Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain. Cornvelious Daniel: Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum. Rick: Shoney's. Cornvelious Daniel: Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush. Rick:

Rick: Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment? Cornvelious Daniel: Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer. Rick: Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain. Cornvelious Daniel: Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum. Rick: Shoney's. Cornvelious Daniel: Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush. Rick: Relaxed enough?

Relaxed enough?

Morty: Snuffles. Rick: Snuffles, shake. Rick: Roll over. Rick: Go to the bathroom. Jerry: Holy crap! Summer: No way. Rick:

Morty: Snuffles. Rick: Snuffles, shake. Rick: Roll over. Rick: Go to the bathroom. Jerry: Holy crap! Summer: No way. Rick: Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty.

Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty.

All Summers: Holy shit, now what? All Mortys: Well if all of me knocked out all the Ricks, and you peed in all of your pants, doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized? All Summers: Right. All Mortys: Okay... so from now on, whatever we do we have to be certain. All Summers: Right... All Mortys: I think I'm certain we're F'd in the A. All Ricks:

All Summers: Holy shit, now what? All Mortys: Well if all of me knocked out all the Ricks, and you peed in all of your pants, doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized? All Summers: Right. All Mortys: Okay... so from now on, whatever we do we have to be certain. All Summers: Right... All Mortys: I think I'm certain we're F'd in the A. All Ricks: Oh God, my head. What did you guys do?

Oh God, my head. What did you guys do?

Pickle Rick: Huh, so you're a liar. Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business. Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Huh, so you're a liar. Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business. Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live.

Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live.

Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! Mr. Goldenfold: The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him! Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! Ice-T: That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it! Rick:

Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! Mr. Goldenfold: The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him! Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! Ice-T: That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it! Rick: All right!

All right!

Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do. Summer: What the fuck? Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death. Riq IV: Because you love her! Rick: Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl. Summer: I hate you! Rick:

Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do. Summer: What the fuck? Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death. Riq IV: Because you love her! Rick: Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl. Summer: I hate you! Rick: Not an issue, sweetie.

Not an issue, sweetie.

Summer: I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks. I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high. Dr. Wong: Good job. Morty, do you have an "I" statement? Morty: I am sad that I peed. I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. Dr. Wong: Look at this family go. You guys are pros. What do you guys think about doing this once a week? Pickle Rick: Ugh. Dr. Wong: You must be Rick. Pickle Rick:

Summer: I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks. I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high. Dr. Wong: Good job. Morty, do you have an "I" statement? Morty: I am sad that I peed. I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. Dr. Wong: Look at this family go. You guys are pros. What do you guys think about doing this once a week? Pickle Rick: Ugh. Dr. Wong: You must be Rick. Pickle Rick: Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Beth: Not anymore. Rick: You're overreacting! Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. Summer: Is he going to die? Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? Beth: Go in the waiting room, Dad. Rick:

Beth: Not anymore. Rick: You're overreacting! Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. Summer: Is he going to die? Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? Beth: Go in the waiting room, Dad. Rick: Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do.

Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do.

Rick: When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty. Morty: In my butt? Rick: Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that. Rick: Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty Morty: Uuuh. Rick:

Rick: When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty. Morty: In my butt? Rick: Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that. Rick: Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty Morty: Uuuh. Rick: And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y- you've got to put these seeds inside your butt.

And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y- you've got to put these seeds inside your butt.

All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal. All Mortys: W-what're you doing? All Ricks: Calling myself. Here, listen, it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself. All Ricks: Don't fall for it, it's a bit. All Ricks: Hey Rick, it's Rick. Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings. I know you know I mean it too. Take it easy. Whoa. Damn, look at this, I'm blown up. Three new voicemails. Yeah yeah, I heard this one. You get the idea we're cool now. All Summers: Okay, well we're still not gonna let you out of this crate. All Ricks:

All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal. All Mortys: W-what're you doing? All Ricks: Calling myself. Here, listen, it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself. All Ricks: Don't fall for it, it's a bit. All Ricks: Hey Rick, it's Rick. Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings. I know you know I mean it too. Take it easy. Whoa. Damn, look at this, I'm blown up. Three new voicemails. Yeah yeah, I heard this one. You get the idea we're cool now. All Summers: Okay, well we're still not gonna let you out of this crate. All Ricks: Fine I'll just do it myself.

Fine I'll just do it myself.

Supernova: Someone wake up Sanchez. Rick: Ugh! Oh, Christ... Supernova: Rick, you're up. Rick: Barely. Supernova: Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline? Rick: Uh-huh. Rick:

Supernova: Someone wake up Sanchez. Rick: Ugh! Oh, Christ... Supernova: Rick, you're up. Rick: Barely. Supernova: Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline? Rick: Uh-huh. Rick: Uh, my God, that's better.

Uh, my God, that's better.

Agency Director: Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two. I'll give you the combination. Agency Director: Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?! Pickle Rick: Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free. Or I'll be visiting you. Agency Director: Jaguar's daughter is dead. Pickle Rick: Huh, so you're a liar. Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business. Pickle Rick:

Agency Director: Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two. I'll give you the combination. Agency Director: Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?! Pickle Rick: Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free. Or I'll be visiting you. Agency Director: Jaguar's daughter is dead. Pickle Rick: Huh, so you're a liar. Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business. Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon.

I don't think so. See you soon.

Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it. Rick: Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Mr. Goldenfold: ' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Rick: Uh-oh! Spoilers! Rick:

Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it. Rick: Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Mr. Goldenfold: ' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Rick: Uh-oh! Spoilers! Rick: I'm a full season behind.

I'm a full season behind.

Rick: Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit. Beth: Hey guys, we're home.Morty & Summer Jerry: Um, hold the phone, where did you guys get those necklaces from? Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three, am I right? Jerry: Are you guys Power Rangers? But only on one small part of your necks? Hey, do those things need batteries? Were they included? Clean up in the fruit isle! Not in a homophobic way though, they're just fruity necklaces is all I was saying. Beth: I'm gonna pee my pants. Morty: Doesn't feel so good, does it? Rick:

Rick: Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit. Beth: Hey guys, we're home.Morty & Summer Jerry: Um, hold the phone, where did you guys get those necklaces from? Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three, am I right? Jerry: Are you guys Power Rangers? But only on one small part of your necks? Hey, do those things need batteries? Were they included? Clean up in the fruit isle! Not in a homophobic way though, they're just fruity necklaces is all I was saying. Beth: I'm gonna pee my pants. Morty: Doesn't feel so good, does it? Rick: No it doesn't. It hurts.

No it doesn't. It hurts.

Pickle Rick: They didn't let me out. Agency Director: Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children! Pickle Rick: Uh, is this not a good time or...? Agency Director: Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya" Pickle Rick: That'd be a lucky break for you. Agency Director: Ah. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: They didn't let me out. Agency Director: Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children! Pickle Rick: Uh, is this not a good time or...? Agency Director: Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya" Pickle Rick: That'd be a lucky break for you. Agency Director: Ah. Pickle Rick: ...because this pickle doesn't care about your children. And I'm not gonna take their dreams. I'm gonna take their parents.

...because this pickle doesn't care about your children. And I'm not gonna take their dreams. I'm gonna take their parents.

Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout. Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick:

Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout. Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww".

If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww".

Morty: Rick, are you really a musician? Rick: Who’s NOT a musician, Morty? Morty: Me! Rick: Yeah, not with that attitude. Morty: B-b-but we don’t have a song! Principal Vagina: Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone. Rick:

Morty: Rick, are you really a musician? Rick: Who’s NOT a musician, Morty? Morty: Me! Rick: Yeah, not with that attitude. Morty: B-b-but we don’t have a song! Principal Vagina: Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone. Rick: All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat?

All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat?

Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick:

Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!

Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty. Cop Morty: Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Cop Rick: You were right… Everything I learned in the academy was-- Cop Morty: It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one. Cop Rick: Why is there a crib in here? Cop Morty: Just somethin’ they do to make you feel bad. Cop Rick:

Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty. Cop Morty: Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Cop Rick: You were right… Everything I learned in the academy was-- Cop Morty: It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one. Cop Rick: Why is there a crib in here? Cop Morty: Just somethin’ they do to make you feel bad. Cop Rick: Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?

Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?

Cop Rick: Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown. Cop Morty: Unit 7 responding. Teacher Rick: "Good idea, Rick." Teacher Rick: "This is a great adventure." Teacher Rick: "I love being your new Morty." Slick: Farty! Teacher Rick:

Cop Rick: Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown. Cop Morty: Unit 7 responding. Teacher Rick: "Good idea, Rick." Teacher Rick: "This is a great adventure." Teacher Rick: "I love being your new Morty." Slick: Farty! Teacher Rick: Very amusing, Mr. Smith. Almost as amusing as when your first Rick was decapitated on Zorpathion 9. Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had?

Very amusing, Mr. Smith. Almost as amusing as when your first Rick was decapitated on Zorpathion 9. Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had?

Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home. Jerry: Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is -- Rick: Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times. Jerry: You got it. Rick: Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment? Cornvelious Daniel: Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer. Rick:

Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home. Jerry: Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is -- Rick: Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times. Jerry: You got it. Rick: Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment? Cornvelious Daniel: Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer. Rick: Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.

Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.

Morty: Uh, morning, Frank. Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Rick: There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? Rick: It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. It's important. Come on, Morty. Morty: I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again. Rick:

Morty: Uh, morning, Frank. Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Rick: There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? Rick: It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. It's important. Come on, Morty. Morty: I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again. Rick: Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on!

Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on!

Morty: In a way that has no point! You just babble about defense budgets and the United Nations, and then you pass out! Rick: So, to be clear, I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic, which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic place. Million Ants: I have no stake in this. Rick: I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and... Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you. Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers. Drunk Rick:

Morty: In a way that has no point! You just babble about defense budgets and the United Nations, and then you pass out! Rick: So, to be clear, I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic, which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic place. Million Ants: I have no stake in this. Rick: I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and... Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you. Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers. Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii.

let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii.

Alan: ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Supernova: STOP! Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'. Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands! Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy. Supernova: All of them. Rick:

Alan: ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Supernova: STOP! Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'. Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands! Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy. Supernova: All of them. Rick: O-kayyy...

O-kayyy...

Agency Director: Do it. Okay, you win, Pickle Man. I'm unsealing the building. Pickle Rick: No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. Agency Director: Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two. I'll give you the combination. Agency Director: Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?! Pickle Rick: Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free. Or I'll be visiting you. Agency Director: Jaguar's daughter is dead. Pickle Rick:

Agency Director: Do it. Okay, you win, Pickle Man. I'm unsealing the building. Pickle Rick: No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. Agency Director: Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two. I'll give you the combination. Agency Director: Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?! Pickle Rick: Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free. Or I'll be visiting you. Agency Director: Jaguar's daughter is dead. Pickle Rick: Huh, so you're a liar.

Huh, so you're a liar.