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usually , he would be tearing around the living room , playing with his toys . but just one look at a minion sent him practically catatonic . that had been megan 's plan when she got him dressed earlier . he 'd seen the movie almost by mistake , considering he was a little young for the pg cartoon , but with older cousins , along with her brothers , mason was often exposed to things that were older . she liked to think being surrounded by adults and older kids was one reason why he was a such a good talker for his age . `` are n't you being a good boy ? '' she said . mason barely acknowledged her . instead , his baby blues remained focused on the television . since the movie was almost over , megan knew she better slip into the bedroom and finish getting ready . each time she looked into mason 's face , she was grateful that he looked nothing like his father . his platinum blond hair and blue eyes were completely hers . it was only his build that he was taking after his father . where megan was a diminutive 5'3 '' , davis was 6'1 '' and two hundred pounds . mason was already registering off the charts in height and weight according to his pediatrician . davis had seen mason only twice in his lifetime-the day he had been born and the day he came home from the hospital . after that , he had n't been interested in any of the pictures and emails megan sent . with his professional football career on the rise , davis had n't wanted to be shackled with the responsibilities of a baby . instead , he wanted to spend his time off the field partying until all hours of the night . he only paid child support when megan threatened to have his wages garnished . she dreaded the day when mason was old enough to ask about his father . she never wanted anything in the world to hurt him , and she knew that being rejected by his father would . with a sigh , she stepped into the dress and slid it over her hips . wrestling around to get the zipper all the way up caused her to huff and puff . standing back from the mirror , she turned to and fro to take in her appearance . she 'd always loved how the dress made her feel sexy , but at the same time was very respectable . while it boasted a sweetheart neckline , the hemline fell just below her knees . she put on her pearls-a high school graduation gift from her uncle aidan , or `` ankle '' , as she often called him . aidan was her mother 's baby brother and only son of the family . when she was born , he was only eight and a half . as the first grandchild , megan spent a lot of time with her grandparents , and that in turn , meant she spent a lot of time with aidan . he had devoted hours to holding her and spoiling her rotten . when it came time for her to talk , she just could n't seem to get `` uncle aidan '' out . instead , she called him `` ankle . '' it was a nickname that had stuck with him even now that he was thirty-four and married . while it had been no question that she wanted him as godfather for mason , she had been extremely honored when he and his wife , emma , had asked her to be their son , noah 's , godmother . she loved her newest cousin very much and planned to be the best godmother she could for him . as she stepped out of the bedroom , she found that mason had yet to move . `` okay buddy , time to go . '' when he started to whine , she shook her head . `` we have such a fun day ahead of us . it 's noah 's baptism , and then there 's a party at uncle aidan and aunt emma 's house . '' `` beau ? '' he asked . she laughed . `` yes , you 'll get to see and play with beau , too . '' as she went to the couch and picked him up , she could n't help finding it amusing that out of everyone he was going to see today , he was most excited about being with aidan and emma 's black lab , beau . one day when they had their own place again , she would get him a dog . he loved them too much to be denied . `` oomph , '' she muttered , as they started up the basement stairs . `` heawy ? '' `` yes , you 're getting to be such a big , heavy boy . '' when they made it to the kitchen , megan paused to catch her breath . she only had a second before her mother breezed in with sean , and her youngest brother , gavin . `` ready ? '' she asked . megan nodded . feeling like she was once again a teenager , she filed behind her parents as they headed into the garage . `` i want to drive , '' gavin said .
with a smirk , sean replied , `` like i 'm gon na let you drive my car . '' he then slid into the driver 's seat as gavin reluctantly walked around to the passenger 's side . `` we 'll see you there in just a few , '' her mother called . sean acknowledged her with a two finger salute before cranking up and pulling down the driveway . megan worked to get mason into the car seat in her parents ' land rover . once he was safely strapped and buckled in , she hopped in beside him . her parents rattled along to each other as they made their way through the tree-lined suburbs where megan had grown up . while some might look on her as having a mark against her character being an unwed mother , she had lived a relatively non-rebellious life . even though she 'd been a cheerleader and ran with the popular crowd in school , she rarely partied to excess . instead , she had focused on getting good grades . at that time , she had her heart set on going to medical school and becoming a doctor . from the time she was a little girl , she had wanted nothing more than to help people . she was always mending birds with broken wings or trying to resuscitate squirrels who had been hit by cars . she ditched playing princess for playing `` hospital . '' her desire to become a doctor was why she needed the best scores and best activities and why she generally shunned any temptations to lead her off the right path . she had even managed to bypass the usual freshman craziness when she went off to the university of georgia . it was n't until she fell in love for the first time in her life that she threw everything away . sadly , she could n't say that her first love was davis , mason 's father . instead , it was another football player , this time a running back at uga , who captured and later broke her heart a year later . carsyn ran with the fast crowd , and when she was with him , she partied and drank too much . he was controlling and possessive , and he wanted all of her time . when she was with him , she had little time for studying . with her grades already in the toilet , she was unprepared for the emotional breakdown she experienced when carsyn broke up with her . devastated , she stopped going to class and ended up flunking the semester . by the time she got back on track with her grades , she had abandoned any hope of medical school . instead , she decided that she would become a nurse , which would fulfill her need to care for sick people . of course , her relationship with davis ended up derailing shortly before graduation when she got pregnant unexpectedly . she had to take several semesters off after mason was born . she was a few years off from when she had originally planned on graduating , but she was excited after everything had that had happened , she was finally finishing . her mother 's voice brought megan out of her thoughts . `` here we are , '' she said pleasantly . leaning forward in her seat , megan eyed the clock on the dashboard . she was n't surprised to see they had arrived half an hour before the baptism started . one thing her mother prided herself on was being on time and lending a hand . as they started into the church , her mother reached for mason . `` we 'll take him so you can go see if emma needs any help . '' megan bent over to kiss mason 's cheek . `` see you in a little while , sweetie . '' he grinned and then happily dodged her mother 's arms for her father 's instead , which made megan smile . he was such a man 's man already . he loved sitting between her brothers on the couch and watching tv . while it was good that he had so many male role models , she only hoped he had n't inherited too much of his father 's personality . after megan watched them disappear in the crowd of family and friends waiting in the church alcove , she bypassed everyone by turning right and heading down the hallway . at the last door on the right , she knocked . `` it 's me , megan . '' emma 's best friend , casey , answered the door . `` well , if it is n't the fairy godmother , '' she mused with a grin . after megan stepped inside , casey threw her arms around her . megan had only met her a few times , but it was hard not liking emma 's vivacious and outgoing friend . casey 's long brown hair was pulled back in a lose knot , and she wore a demure black slip dress and heels . `` so how 's it going ? '' megan asked , gazing from noah 's diapered but na**d form to emma . she was feeding him a bottle while her upper body was draped in a towel . peeking out from the covering , she saw emma was wearing her signature color , green .
as noah sucked on his bottle , he twirled a strand of emma 's auburn hair between his fingers . both father and son were fans of emma wearing her hair down . emma grinned . `` good , i guess . i mean , i do n't have a lot of experience with baptisms . '' megan laughed and motioned to the towel and noah . `` it looks like you 're taking all the proper precautions-nothing like spit-up on your dress or his . '' with a nod , emma replied , `` tell me about it . especially since his gown is so old . '' megan eyed the lacy baptismal gown hanging on the closet door . she recognized it from pictures of ankle 's baptism . he had worn it , and now it was being passed down to his son . casey snorted . `` i 'm sure aidan would n't appreciate you alluding to the fact his gown is an antique , thus in turn saying he 's old . '' emma laughed . `` no , i 'm sure he would n't . of course , he 'd probably argue that while the gown might not have held up , he still looks fabulous and much younger than his age . '' megan smiled . `` that sounds just like him . '' she bent over emma to rub one of noah 's hands . he grabbed her thumb in his fist and held on for dear life . `` aw , you love your godmother , do n't you noah ? '' emma asked . noah momentarily stopped sucking on the bottle to flash a quick smile , which warmed megan 's heart . `` he 's such a sweet boy , '' she mused . `` and a charmer , just like his old man , '' casey mused . `` that too , '' megan agreed . thinking about her position , she cocked her head at casey . `` are you sure you 're fine with me being the godmother ? '' casey waved her hand dismissively . `` honey , the last thing i need is the responsibility . i plan on spoiling noah rotten and corrupting him as only a good auntie can do ! '' emma rolled her eyes . `` i 'm very satisfied with both my choices , megan . you do n't have to worry . '' `` so who is the godfather again ? i know he 's not part of the family . '' casey gasped as her hand flew to her chest dramatically . `` you mean , you 've never met dr. mcdreamy bollywood ? '' megan shrugged . `` no , i have n't . i mean , i 've heard about him and how he flew aidan home in time for noah 's birth . '' she noticed the pleading look that emma exchanged with casey . `` why ? what should i know about him ? '' casey tapped her chin with her index finger . `` hmm , what should you know about the good godfather ? '' she winked at megan . `` first off , he is seriously delectable . i mean , the man is like sex on a stick . tall , jet-black hair , dark eyes , and he 's built like a brick shithouse . '' megan suddenly felt her interest piquing . she had n't imagined that the godfather would be good-looking . it had been such a long time since she had dated anyone . scratch that-it had been a long time since she 'd had sex with anyone . she 'd spent the last two years completely dateless since she and davis broke up . she could practically join one of the local parishes as a nun with how long she had abstained . `` really ? '' `` mmm , hmm . he reminds me of that bollywood actor john abraham , '' casey said . emma snorted . `` since when do you watch bollywood movies ? '' `` since one of nate 's friends asked us to an indian film festival . '' casey grinned at megan . `` besides the fact that he 's a serious looker , he 's also kind , compassionate , and caring-an overall wonderful man . '' `` really now ? '' megan questioned . `` and he 's loaded because he 's a doctor . '' this man was sounding better and better by the minute . `` is he single ? '' emma made a strangled noise before casey replied , `` oh , yeah , he 's single . he 's a widower actually . '' megan pursed her lips at the prospect . widowers usually fell into two categories-those who were still devastated by their wives ' deaths or those who were ready to have fun and live a little . she certainly hoped this pesh guy fell into the second category . more than anything , she wanted to have a little fun herself . `` do you really think you might be interested in dating pesh ? '' emma asked , as she moved noah to her shoulder to burp him .
with a shrug , megan replied , `` dating him or just having some fun with him . sounds like he could use some . '' emma grimaced as she wiped noah 's face off . `` this is exactly why i told aidan not to try and fix you two up . '' `` what do you mean ? '' `` pesh needs a relationship , not a hook-up after all he 's been through . besides his wife 's death , he has n't had it easy on the dating front . '' `` what happened ? '' when casey snorted , emma shot her a death glare . `` nothing . it 's just he does n't need to get involved with someone who is n't interested in a long-term relationship . '' `` em , you might as well tell her , '' casey urged . megan glanced between the two of them . `` tell me what ? '' `` fine , '' emma huffed resignedly . she handed noah to casey . `` make yourself useful by changing his diaper . '' as casey got busy cleaning up noah , emma turned to megan . `` when aidan and i broke up- '' `` what you meant to say is , after you left aidan when he did n't show up for noah 's gender ultrasound because he was cheating on you ? '' casey interrupted , waving around the wet wipe in her hand . emma closed her eyes for a moment before shaking her head . `` yes , that 's right . thank you so very much for bringing up that aspect of our break-up on today of all days . '' casey gripped noah 's ankles and hoisted up his little butt to slide on the new diaper . `` you 're welcome . '' `` anyway , as you were saying , '' megan pressed . `` right . so it was when aidan and i were broken up that i met pesh . i was with your papa fitzgerald the day of his heart attack at the vfw , and pesh was the doctor who treated him . '' `` so ... you both struck up a friendship then ? '' megan asked . emma grimaced . `` not exactly . you see , patrick wanted to force aidan to really fight for me , and he felt the best way to do it would be for him to have some competition . '' megan felt her eyes widening in surprise . `` papa wanted pesh to date you ? '' `` yeah . '' `` did you ? '' emma was momentarily distracted by casey blowing raspberries on noah 's stomach . a smile spread across her face as noah kicked his legs and giggled at casey . `` want me to get him in his dress ? '' casey asked , as she glanced up . `` if you do n't mind . '' bringing her hand to her hip , megan huffed out an exasperated breath . `` um , could you please focus for just a minute considering the bomb you just dropped on me ? '' `` i 'm sorry . i did n't want to tell you at all . i mean , whatever was between us is all in the past . neither one of us really cared for each other like we thought we did . '' `` did you ... '' megan said . at emma 's confused expression , she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively . emma 's face flushed . `` no , of course not ! '' casey eyed emma as she took the baptism gown off the hanger . `` you did make out with him though . '' `` one time . and he certainly did n't get to second base , '' emma argued . with a wicked grin , casey added , `` pity . wish you could inform us on what he has going on below the waist . '' `` you 're impossible . '' she snatched the gown away from casey and then started wrestling noah into the yards of fabric . `` it was n't like we were in a relationship . we did n't really even go out together . he came to the house once to bring me dinner and check on me when i was on bed rest , and then he took me to the opera . that was it . '' `` was there no chemistry between you two ? '' without responding , emma pulled noah up into a sitting position and started fastening the row of buttons down the back of the gown . `` em ? '' megan pressed . she gave a heavy sigh before picking noah up . she stared into his face before she responded . `` we had great chemistry together . he was an amazing kisser who got all my senses up and running in all the right ways . besides the physical part , he is smart , kind , and intelligent-any woman 's dream . '' she shook her head . `` but it did n't matter because he was n't aidan . i could never , ever love another man like i do him . ''
giving noah a kiss on the cheek , she added , `` neither one of us were really in a good place-i was trying to make sure that aidan really was the one , and after being pressured by family and friends , he was trying to date for the first time after his wife 's death . '' megan crossed her arms over her chest . `` i get that he does n't need to be hurt , but who is to say that having a fling is going to hurt him ? maybe it could give him the confidence he needs to go out and find the real woman of his dreams ? '' `` how could a man that looks like that have any self-confidence issues ? '' `` you never know . if he was married a long time before his wife died , he might find it hard to get back into the dating world . especially if the last woman he cared about loved someone else . '' emma shook her head . `` trust me , he is n't the fling kind of guy . he wants a wife and children . '' although megan had a son , she was n't quite ready for marriage . maybe in a few years but right now she just wanted to date and have fun . she 'd willingly sacrificed so much to ensure that mason could have all of her attention since he was short a father . after all , he was the greatest hurdle in her having a committed relationship . she did n't want to open her son up to any hurt that might come from him getting attached to a man she dated only to have them disappear when they broke up . `` ankle really wants to fix us up ? '' emma nodded . `` regardless of what happened with pesh when we were broken up , aidan does respect and admire him . he wants pesh to be happy . '' she gave megan a pointed look . `` most of all , he wants that for you , too . '' megan wrinkled her nose . `` but i 'm really not ready for all of that yet . '' `` then think long and hard before you agree to do anything about pesh . he is unknowingly very persuasive , and in the moment , you might forget your resolve only to have it come back later to hurt you ... or him . '' megan held up her hands in defeat . `` okay , okay , i promise . '' emma smiled . `` nothing would make me happier than if you were to fall in love with pesh . '' with a laugh , megan said , `` did you just hear anything that i said ? i 'm anti-love . '' `` so was aidan . '' just as megan opened her mouth to protest , aidan waltzed into the room . `` everything okay ? '' `` fine . just finished feeding and dressing him , '' emma replied `` good . the natives are getting restless to see the little man of the hour before the baptism . '' he strode over to them and took his son into his arms . `` you ready to go work the crowd , noah ? '' noah 's response was to grunt and reach for aidan 's tie . with a laugh , aidan announced , `` i 'll take that as a yes . '' he then leaned in to kiss emma 's cheek . `` ready mrs . fitzgerald ? '' she smiled before linking her arm through his . `` yes , mr. fitzgerald , i am . '' megan and casey followed them out the door and down the hallway . they entered a noisy room crammed with family and friends . she left aidan and emma 's side to seek out her parents to check on mason . she found her parents , but their arms were empty . in a panic , she demanded , `` where 's mason ? '' her father smiled and pointed over to where a pile of her younger cousins were . mason was on the lap of her aunt becky 's oldest son , john . mason was mesmerized with what whatever john was doing on his phone . megan smiled as she walked up to them . without taking his eyes off the screen , john replied , `` we 're fine . '' `` are you sure he 's not bothering you ? '' what she was n't asking was if john was actually keeping an eye on mason between playing on his phone . john glanced up . `` considering i have two younger brothers , i think i can handle him . besides , he 's really into this game . '' `` okay then , '' megan replied . she spoke to john 's brothers , percy and georgie , before making her way around the room . all her relatives were interested to hear how her schooling was going and how mason was . she had just turned away from talking to her great aunt and uncle when someone pressed up against her back . `` do n't look now , but there 's dr. mcdreamy bollywood now , '' casey whispered into her ear . without hesitation , her eyes scanned the crowd . and then she saw him . ankle was taking him around and making introductions . pesh was impossibly tall and wearing a tailor-made black suit . even beneath the lines of the clothing , she could make out his large biceps and thick thighs . he obviously spent his downtime between hospital shifts working out .
his wavy , jet-black hair was cut short , and his dark eyes took in all that ankle was saying . and while she may have been in a church about to stand up as a godmother , she could n't help the ni**les tightening and panties moistening reaction of seeing him . he was all the way across the room , but he had the same effect as if he were standing by her side , rubbing against her . `` see what i mean ? '' casey questioned . megan licked her lips . `` oh my , '' she finally managed . `` sure you do n't want to give him a chance ? '' fighting the urge to fan herself , megan quickly replied , `` i 'd like to give him many , many chances . '' chances at ripping off my clothes , chances at kissing and licking me all over my body , chances at allowing his hands , fingers , and the promising bulge in his pants to stroke me until i orgasm ... yep , many , many chances . as if she could read megan 's mind , casey laughed . `` oh girl , this has trouble written all over it . '' chapter three pesh paced nervously around the back of the cathedral . the fact he was in a catholic church was n't the only reason he felt out of his element . as he eyed the massive statue of jesus , he fidgeted absently with his tie . although emma had sworn aidan was fine with the idea of him as godfather , he was still a little apprehensive about seeing aidan again . the last time they 'd been together , pesh was the hero flying aidan from north carolina to atlanta just in time for noah 's unexpected birth . but that was six months ago . the euphoria of the moment now had time to fade , and to aidan , pesh could still be the man who almost stole emma away . a side door opened , and aidan stepped out . he immediately met pesh 's anxious gaze . when his lips curved into a wide smile , pesh exhaled the nervous breath he 'd been holding . `` well , there you are , '' aidan said , as he strode up . he bypassed throwing out his hand , and instead , he pulled pesh to him for a bear hug . `` emma was worried about you . '' `` she was ? '' `` yeah , she asked me to come out and see if i could find you . '' i was n't sure where to go , and no one was out here . '' `` do n't worry about it . '' aidan pulled away . `` so how the hell are you ? '' pesh could n't help laughing at aidan 's choice of words , especially in a church . `` i 'm good , thank you . '' he cocked his head at aidan . `` and what about you ? is fatherhood agreeing with you ? '' a beaming smile lit aidan 's face . `` i 'm absolutely fantastic . i never could have imagined that being a father would be this ... amazing . '' pesh nodded . `` i want you to know what an honor it is for me to be noah 's godfather . '' `` we 're glad to have you . '' aidan patted pesh 's back . `` and i do mean that . '' `` i hope you do . i have had my concerns ... '' aidan shook his head . `` well , do n't . i 'll admit i was n't too thrilled with the prospect at first , but em was able to make me see the light . you were there for us when we really needed you . i mean , besides my wedding day , i would 've missed the most important days of my life-my son 's birth . i can never thank you enough . so when it comes down to it , i do n't think i could ask for a better godfather for my son . '' aidan 's words touched pesh . `` thank you . that means a lot . you have my word that i will always do what is right by noah . '' after giving him a hearty thump on the shoulder , aidan said , `` come on back with me . i want to introduce you to everyone . '' `` do they ... '' pesh was n't sure how to ask if aidan 's family knew the story of how he and emma truly knew each other . aidan chuckled . `` let 's just say that pop 's the only one who knows the truth . the others just think you met us when pop had his heart attack . '' pesh could n't help the relieved breath that whooshed out of him . it would have been a nightmare to have most of aidan 's family hating him for trying to steal emma away . `` i see . '' he followed aidan back into a large room filled with chattering people . as he craned his neck , he saw emma in the corner with noah in her arms .
she looked radiant as ever in an emerald suit . noah , however , did n't seem too thrilled to be outfitted in the lacy gown that flowed over emma 's arms and stopped mid-thigh . his tiny brows wrinkled as he waved his fists back and forth as if any moment he might let loose with a scream . taking him by the elbow , aidan guided him over to a group of men and women . aidan introduced him to his four sisters and their husbands . pesh smiled , nodded , and shook their hands before being bombarded by a hoard of aidan 's nieces and nephews . `` now i want you to meet my niece , megan . she 's the godmother . '' `` it would be my pleasure . '' aidan surprised pesh by leaning in and whispering in his ear . `` i 'm pretty sure over half of the people here are gunning for you two to get together . you know , a real romantic story to tell future kids about how you two met being the godmother and godfather of this sweet and adorable kid . '' pesh gulped . why was everyone he knew hell-bent on setting him up ? had emma harbored some secret , ulterior motive in asking him to be noah 's godfather ? `` i 'm flattered , but i do n't know if that 's such a good idea . '' pulling back , aidan surmised him before winking . `` normally i would agree because she is , after all , my niece-my favorite one if i 'm being honest . but as much as it pisses me off to admit it , you two would make a great couple . '' `` we would ? '' `` hell yeah . '' aidan swept his hand over his chin . `` megan needs someone strong and stable like you are , and then you need someone who is so full of life like she is . i can guaran-damn-tee you that you 've never been out with a woman like her before . emma is like , one tenths the sassiness that megan is . '' pesh could n't help giving aidan a skeptical look . `` just keep an open mind , okay ? '' with a reluctant nod , pesh replied , `` i will . '' `` megan , '' aidan called . when the tiny blonde turned around , pesh fought to catch his breath . everything about her from her sparkling blue eyes to her long blonde hair was just like jade 's . how was it possible for someone to remind him so much of what he had lost ? aidan grinned as he glanced between the two of them . `` i wanted to introduce you to pesh nadeen , the godfather . '' thrusting out her hand , megan smiled warmly at him . `` it 's very nice to finally meet you . '' he stared at it a moment before his good manners overrode his shock . he took her hand in his and shook it . `` it 's very nice meeting you , too . '' `` i 'll leave you two to get to know each other , '' aidan said . before pesh could protest , aidan turned and disappeared into the crowd . he turned to megan and tried clearing his throat of what felt like a wad of sawdust . he knew he should try to make polite conversation , but he was still so shell-shocked by the way megan looked . finally , she took pity on him . `` so , emma tells me you 're a doctor . '' pesh smiled politely . `` yes , i am . '' `` what type of medicine ? '' `` emergency services . '' megan 's face lit up . `` oh , how interesting . i 'm about to finish nursing school , and i 've asked for clinical placement in the er . '' pesh widened his eyes in surprise . aidan had failed to mention that they had the medical profession in common . `` i 'm hoping to get placed at grady , even though my parents would die a thousand deaths . '' he cocked his brows at her . `` i assume they 're afraid for your safety ? '' `` yes . they ca n't help worrying about the neighborhood . they sometimes forget i 'm an adult , rather than a child . '' `` what is it about grady that attracts you ? '' `` besides the fact that it 's nationally recognized for its er ? '' he smiled . `` yes , besides the accolades . '' megan tilted her head in thought . `` i guess it 's the fact i really want to feel like i 'm making a difference and saving lives . i feel like at grady i would be seeing some of the worst cases imaginable , and in turn some people who really do n't have a lot of hope . '' he was taken aback by her words and the passion with which she delivered them .
while she possessed a beautiful exterior , she certainly seemed to have a greater depth of character than he had originally expected . he did n't often meet someone like her . most of the women at the hospital who threw themselves at him possessed only surface beauty . he did n't have to be with them very long to perceive their true shallowness and self-centeredness . to them , he was a prize to be won . he could n't ever imagine megan feeling that way . she was n't the type of woman to care about a trophy man on her arm-she wanted to make her own way in the world . `` it is so good to hear someone speak with such passion about nursing . '' he nodded . `` we desperately need more people like you . i know i would love to work alongside someone who had your passion . '' she smiled at his compliments . he could n't help noticing what a nice smile she had . the way it framed her heart shaped face made her appear much less like jade than he had originally thought . maybe we 'll end up together . '' she licked her lips before adding , `` you know , at the same hospital . '' `` i would like that . but i 'm afraid that wellstar pales in comparison to grady . '' `` surely the suburbs offer some interesting cases ? '' `` they do . i 've been there since my residency , so i ca n't imagine working anywhere else . after all , i would n't be standing here today with you if it were n't for wellstar and your grandfather . '' `` that 's true . '' tilting her head , she gave him a very alluring smile . `` and what a pity that would be if our paths had n't crossed . '' he sucked in a breath at the directness of her statement . could she really be interested in him ? sure , it was common knowledge that aidan and others wanted them to get together , but he had imagined that she had not known their intentions . and while originally he had been turned off by aidan 's suggestion of fixing them up , he could n't help but be intrigued now . there was something so refreshingly different about megan , despite her physical similarities to jade . `` mommy ! '' a small voice cried . pesh glanced over megan 's shoulder where a fair-haired toddler came bounding over . he wrapped his arms around megan 's thigh . she gave him an apologetic look before bending over . `` what 's the matter , sweetie ? '' he grinned up at her . `` miss you . '' with a smile , she bent over and picked him up . when he sat on her hip , she turned her attention back to pesh . `` this is my son , mason . '' pesh could n't help noticing how megan searched his face to see if there was any judgment or even disgust at her having a son . he felt neither of those emotions . he had to admit he was a little surprised . aidan had failed to mention that fact as well . not to mention , she seemed young to be a mother , considering she was just finishing her clinicals . `` it 's nice to meet you , mason . '' `` can you tell pesh hi ? '' megan urged . `` hi , esh , '' mason said , with a grin . pesh could n't help laughing , and he was thankful that megan giggled as well . `` how old are you ? '' mason held up two fingers to which megan shook her head . `` he 's seventeen months . '' pesh smiled . `` you must be very proud of him . '' `` i am . '' she snuggled mason against her chest . `` he 's the sweetest and best boy i could ever hope for . '' `` you 're very blessed . '' `` thank you . '' they were interrupted by aidan 's sister , angie , who pesh had met earlier . `` looks like it 's time to start . come on mason . mommy has to go be noah 's godmother now . '' mason reluctantly went to his grandmother . `` be good for grammy , '' megan instructed . after angie walked off with mason , the other family members began filing out of the room . pesh turned to megan and gave her a sheepish smile . `` i must admit that even though i attended a class with emma , i 'm a little unsure of what i 'm supposed to do . '' `` it 's okay . just follow my lead , and you 'll be fine . '' once it was only the two of them and aidan and emma in the room , aidan motioned for them . a priest in decorated golden robes appeared at the door with a gleaming crucifix in his hands . pesh tried not to feel intimidated as the odd man out in the situation . music struck up on the organ , and the priest motioned for them to follow . before they went out the door , emma glanced down at noah .
`` please , please , do not scream in there and act like a demon baby . be the angel i know you can be . '' he acknowledged her request by sticking his tongue out and flailing his fists . aidan chuckled at emma 's plea . `` relax , babe . if he feels you getting all tense , he 's going to get fussy . '' emma sighed . `` he 's already fussy . he was fine until i put him in the gown . '' `` i guess he feels that wearing a dress is insulting to his manhood , '' aidan reasoned with a smile . when emma shot aidan a death glare , megan and pesh could n't help laughing at the two of them . aidan winked at emma before starting out the door . at megan 's side , pesh walked up the aisle . when they reached the baptismal font , the music ended , and the priest began speaking . he informed the crowd of what was about to take place and the significance of all the religious rites noah was about to receive . aidan and emma made the sign of the cross on noah 's forehead before megan leaned in to do the same . when megan elbowed him , pesh reached over to clumsily follow their lead . after he finished , he glanced at megan . she smiled and mouthed , `` good job . '' he returned her smile . he followed through the rest of the proceedings as aidan and emma pledged to raise noah in the faith . then it came time for him and megan to agree to stand by noah as godparents . the priest took a fussing noah from emma 's arms . when the first trickles of water hit the base of noah 's head , he cooed and kicked his arms and legs . emma appeared relieved at how noah was n't behaving like a possessed baby as she had feared . `` thank god he loves his baths , '' aidan muttered beside pesh . once the baptism part was finished , the priest made a final talk , and then it was over . just as pesh sighed with relief and was looking forward to making a quick exit , aidan grabbed his arm . `` do n't go anywhere . we have to do pictures . '' inwardly , he groaned . he wanted , no he needed , a moment alone to process his thoughts . everything had been so overwhelming-being outside his usual world , meeting all of aidan 's family , and then having the prospect of megan thrown in as well . awkwardly , he stood around as a photographer came forward and proceeded to take several pictures of aidan , emma , and noah . then it was just aidan and noah or emma and noah . `` okay , i need the godparents now . '' pesh smoothed down his tie and allowed the photographer to pose him in the group shot . after they finished with the four of them , noah was handed to megan for pictures with just the godparents . as the photographer pushed megan closer against pesh 's chest , he glanced down at her . her reassuring smile caused his heartbeat to accelerate . for the first time , he noticed the sweet aroma of her hair as the long , blonde strands brushed against him . he could also make out the alluring scent of her perfume . he liked the feel of her against him a little too much . it made him want to draw her into his embrace ... maybe do other things that he should n't be thinking when he was in a church . glancing over her shoulder at him , she joked , `` jeez , you 're like a giant standing next to me . '' `` am i ? '' he had n't noticed the differences in their heights-he 'd been focusing on her too much . `` just a little bit . of course , it does n't take much for someone to make me look short . '' `` you look perfect to me , '' he said sincerely . craning her neck back to look at him , she gave him a teasing grin . `` do i ? are you flirting with me , dr . nadeen ? '' he stared down at his feet , trying to avoid the heat of her stare . he tried to hide the red flush he felt entering his cheeks . `` okay , now just with the godmother , '' the photographer ordered . reluctantly , pesh stepped away from megan . as the flashes went off , snapping hers and noah 's picture , he kept his gaze on her . as she focused on the camera , megan 's blue eyes sparkled as she stretched her face into a wide grin . noah 's tiny fingers wrapped around some of the strands of her hair , causing megan to yelp in pain . `` easy now . i got ta keep that , '' she said to noah . `` okay , that should get it , '' the photographer said .
`` here godfather , it 's your turn , '' megan said , as she handed noah to him . by now , noah was tired of being held and tired of being ensconced in yards of lace . he peered up at pesh before howling . `` i 'm sorry , little guy , '' he cooed , trying to bounce noah in his arms . as noah continued to cry , pesh looked apologetically at the photographer . just before he was ready to give up , megan came up and started clapping her hands and making noises at noah . the baby instantly stopped crying . `` that 's right , noah . give me a smile , '' megan urged , as she backed up to stand by the photographer . she continued making the noises , and she even resorted to flashing one of the strands of her hair at him . finally , noah 's quivering lips broke into a grin . `` there we go , '' the photographer said . pesh quickly plastered a smile on his face . after several flashes went off , the photographer put down his camera . `` got it . '' both noah and pesh sighed in relief . gazing down at him , pesh asked , `` bet you 're ready to get home and get out of that dress , huh ? '' `` it 's a gown , not a dress , '' megan countered with a smile . he laughed . `` regardless of what it 's called , i do n't think he likes it very much . '' megan brought some of the lace between her fingers . `` probably a little itchy for him . '' `` did your son wear this gown ? '' `` no , this is aidan 's gown . mason wore my mother 's , which my brothers and i also wore . '' `` in your culture do they do anything special like this for a baby ? '' `` we have the namakaran , or naming ceremony . it 's sometimes held in a temple . and like this , it 's all about offering blessings to the child-family and friends coming together in support of the new baby . '' `` i like it . '' they were momentarily interrupted by aidan and emma walking up . noah immediately reached out for emma . `` such a mama 's boy , '' aidan muttered , which earned him a glare from emma . he merely winked at her in response before starting down the aisle . pesh saw megan 's mother beckoning her with a wave . `` guess you need to go , '' he said . `` but i 'll see you at aidan and emma 's , right ? '' he swallowed hard . `` um , yes , i 'll be there . '' `` good , '' she replied , with an alluring smile . she gave him a small wave before walking off to join her parents . shaking his head , he mumbled , `` this is trouble . '' chapter four when megan arrived with her parents at aidan and emma 's , she was surprised to see a catering truck outside in the driveway . her surprise continued once she got inside the house . gazing out into the backyard , she saw where tables were set up alongside the pool . the tables were adorned with blue and white tablecloths and glittering blue and white centerpieces . a low whistle behind her got megan 's attention . turning around , she saw casey shaking her head . `` wow , this is one epic baptism party , '' she remarked . `` it 's impressive . that 's for sure , '' megan agreed . as emma breezed into the kitchen with noah in a more comfortable outfit , casey cocked her head . `` so , i was just wondering where the ice sculptures were ? '' pink tinged emma 's cheeks . `` i kinda got carried away . with me not working anymore , the old marketing and pr side of me let loose . and with my connections , i was able to get everything ridiculously discounted . '' `` everything looks wonderful . you waited so long to have a baby that it makes sense you might go a little overboard . '' emma wrinkled her nose . `` i never wanted to be one of those moms who threw the over-the-top parties . '' while casey started to open her mouth , megan smacked her playfully . `` it 's just catered in food , right ? '' `` they did the tables , too . '' `` then i think you 're safe from being a momzilla party monster ... for now . '' casey laughed . `` i 'll anxiously be awaiting noah 's first birthday party . '' with a scowl , emma mumbled , `` whatever . '' realizing she did n't see mason , megan quickly excused herself and went outside . she did n't like the idea of him being close to the pool . even with everyone around , it was still too dangerous for her liking . just as her chest started to tighten , she saw him on her papa 's lap .
the two of them sat at one of the tables underneath the shade of a massive umbrella . several of her other younger cousins sat around them , playing on their psps and other hand-held devices . `` we 're fine , honey , '' papa replied . `` let me know if he gets to be too much . '' cocking his head , papa demanded , `` are you trying to say i 'm old or something ? '' `` no , not at all . he 's a handful even for me . '' he waved her away with a hand gnarled with age and time . `` go on and enjoy yourself . i 'll keep an eye on mason . '' she smiled and leaned down to kiss his weathered cheek . `` thanks , papa . '' `` you know , while you 're enjoying yourself , you might go spend a little time with the godfather . '' megan 's eyes widened . was he trying to set her up with pesh like he had with emma ? he gave her a knowing look . `` be good for both of you . '' `` um , okay . whatever , papa , '' she murmured , before she turned away . although she hated to admit it , she had been looking forward to talking to pesh again . she had tried to kid herself that she had n't secretly been searching the crowd for him when she was taking in all of emma 's decorations . when she did finally catch sight of him , her traitorous heart skipped a beat . she did n't mind if her body gave a reaction , but it pissed her off that her heart was affected by him as well . he 'd ditched his suit jacket along with his tie . with the first button of his shirt undone , she could see a tuft of dark chest hair . she bit her lip at the sight . she was a sucker for chest hair . her eyes dipped down to take in how the sleeves of his white shirt had been rolled up to his elbows , giving just a glimpse of his defined biceps . casey had been absolutely right-he was built like a brick shithouse . megan wanted nothing more than to get better acquainted with his body , especially with fewer clothes on him . at the sound of emma 's voice behind her , she jumped . `` ready to eat ? '' `` um , sure . '' emma gave her a puzzled look before nodding in pesh 's direction . `` why do n't you ask pesh to join you at aidan 's and my table ? he does n't know a lot of people , and i would hate to have him end up with the kids . '' megan quirked her brows in surprise . `` are you sure ? '' `` why would n't i be ? '' with a shrug , megan replied , `` i do n't know . maybe because you did n't like the idea of me getting to know him . '' `` i never said i did n't want you two to get to know each other-i said i did n't want you using him for a fling . '' megan could n't help rolling her eyes . `` the day is n't over yet . i could still turn on my powers of seduction and lure pesh into a night of seedy passion . '' emma stared at her in shock before busting out laughing . `` seedy passion ? those words and pesh will never , ever go together in the same sentence . '' `` are you saying that you and aidan have never had seedy passion ? '' `` aidan and pesh are not in the same league of men . i love aidan , but he 's not necessarily a gentleman . pesh is . '' `` yeah , but you 're a lady , '' megan protested . `` maybe in the street , but she 's one hell of a freak in the bedroom , '' aidan said behind them . emma squealed before whirling around to smack him . `` people could hear you , '' she admonished . as aidan chuckled , megan shook her head . `` forget other people . me having to hear it was painful enough . '' crossing his arms over his chest , aidan said , `` i came over here to ask if we were going to eat or not ? people are getting restless . i had no idea i was going to interrupt such an interesting conversation . of course , i do n't think i want to know why the two of you are discussing emma 's and my sex life right now . '' emma waved her hand dismissively . `` we were n't . and yes , we 're ready to eat . let 's round everyone up . '' as emma walked off to call people to sit down , aidan grinned at megan before saying , `` total freak . '' megan closed her eyes as if in pain . `` spare me . please . '' `` just saying . because you never know if your gentleman might be a super freak too . ''
and with a wink , he walked off to join emma , leaving megan to wonder why everyone seemed so concerned with hers and pesh 's love lives . as the sunlight started fading , most of the party guests began to trickle out the door . by the time it was dark , it was only a few of aidan and emma 's close friends left . megan had let her parents take a sleepy mason home , vowing she wanted to stay to help emma clean up . the truth was she wanted to spend as much time as she could with pesh . thankfully , she found herself sitting next to him at one of the poolside tables . somehow they managed to end up by themselves after some of the other guests had left . leaning forward in her chair , she asked , `` did you always want to be a doctor ? '' `` for my fifth birthday , my father bypassed the usual play doctor 's kits by giving me a real medical bag with tools from the hospital . i examined everyone who would stand still long enough , including the two dogs . '' megan laughed . `` i bet you were a cute little doctor . '' `` my mother has some embarrassing pictures , '' he replied , with a smile . `` so your father was also a doctor ? '' `` yes , he had a general medicine practice for forty years . he just recently retired . '' `` did he pressure you to follow in his footsteps ? '' he grinned . `` i 'm starting to feel like i 'm being interrogated . '' `` i 'm sorry if you feel that way . i 'm just trying to get to know you . '' `` you 're certainly a very attractive interrogator , '' he said . `` i think you 're avoiding the question by flattering me . '' `` there 's flattery and then there 's the truth . '' cocking her brows , she replied , `` and then there 's not answering my question . '' he held up his hands in defeat . `` fine , fine . no , i did n't feel pressure to become a doctor . my father would have never wanted me to pursue a profession where i did n't feel useful . '' `` so you 've always had a need to help people ? '' `` pretty much . as the oldest , i always looked out for my two younger brothers and sister . my mother has always called me an old soul . '' `` i can see that about you . '' leaning forward , he rested his elbows on the table . `` now it is my turn to be the interrogator . '' `` okay , i do n't mind . '' `` what about you ? did you always see nursing in your future ? '' `` yes and no . originally , i wanted to be a doctor . '' his brows shot up in surprise . when she nodded , he asked , `` what happened ? '' there was no way she was going to tell him the truth about her past and why she had been forced to abandon medical school . instead , she shrugged . `` life happened , i guess . i decided on the next best thing , which was nursing . '' pesh stared thoughtfully at her . `` was it your son ? '' `` excuse me ? '' `` was it your son who changed your plans about medical school ? '' `` no , it was before i had mason . '' `` does he ... are you ... ? '' pesh shook his head . `` forgive me . i was being too forward . '' `` no , go ahead . i told you i was n't afraid to answer your questions . '' he grimaced . `` but it 's rude to pry , and it 's not my business . '' `` just ask your question , '' she replied . after a resigned sigh , he finally asked , `` were you married ? '' `` no , i 'm not divorced . and no , mason 's father does n't have anything to do with him . '' anger flashed in pesh 's dark eyes . `` even though i know nothing of him , i know that he is not a man . a man does not abandon his children and his responsibilities . '' `` you would be right . he 's just a boy playing at being a man , '' she replied , glancing down at the table . when pesh took her hand in his , she jerked her head up in surprise . in a soft voice that vibrated with empathy , he asked , `` he hurt you very much , did n't he ? '' as she shifted in her chair , she tried downplaying the moment by wagging her free finger at pesh . `` now you 're really turning the heated questions on me , are n't you ? '' he quickly released her hand . `` i apologize . '' she sighed . `` no , it 's okay . '' she raked her fingers through her hair as she tried processing if she was really going to be honest with pesh . gazing into his eyes , she did n't detect any judgment or prying-there was only compassion . `` yes , he hurt me . he continues to hurt me each time i look at mason and realize what he 's being denied . ''
she jerked her chin over to where aidan cradled a sleeping noah in his arms . as the others talked and laughed around him , aidan stared down at his son with such love in his eyes and adoration on his face that it cut a jagged hole in megan 's chest . her chin trembled as she replied , `` i want that for my son . '' pesh 's dark eyes pooled with empathy as he once again took her hand in his . `` it is n't the same pain , but i do know how you feel . i experience it every time i see a husband and wife sharing a loving moment . it drives home what i do not have ... what i have lost . '' megan wiped her eyes with the back of her hand . `` emma told me about your wife . i 'm very sorry . '' `` thank you , '' he murmured . nibbling her bottom lip , megan then hesitantly asked , `` what was she like ? '' by his raised eyebrows , pesh seemed surprised by her question . megan hoped she had n't stepped over a boundary in asking . he leaned back in his chair and drew in an agonized breath . `` she was my world-the sun , the moon , and the stars . '' he met her intense gaze , checking to see if she really wanted him to continue . after she gave a brief nod , he began to talk . he told her how they had met and all the little attributes that jade possessed that made her special . as megan listened to him speak with such reverence and love about his late wife , she could n't help feeling just a little bit jealous . she 'd never had a man possess such intense feelings for her . she could n't imagine ever being loved so completely by a man that not even death could lessen his feelings . `` what you had with jade , what you still feel for her , it 's really beautiful , '' she murmured when he finished . pesh jerked a hand through his thick hair . `` it 's interesting to hear you say that . i think most women are turned off by what they perceive is a man who ca n't let go of his dead wife . '' megan shook her head . `` i do n't think so . who would n't be turned on by a man who feels so deeply that he did n't stop loving his wife just because she died ? '' pesh 's eyes widened at her statement , and he sucked in a harsh breath . `` most women do n't want to share your heart , '' he challenged softly . `` then they 're obviously insecure . all of us have the ability to love people in infinite capacities . i love my son with all my heart and soul , but there will still be room for a man ... someday . '' he stared at her for a moment , unblinking and unmoving . `` i have to say that i find your reasoning absolutely fascinating . '' `` you do ? '' `` yes . '' the intensity of his gaze caused her to laugh nervously . `` i do n't think a man has ever called me fascinating . '' `` that 's a pity . '' before she could try changing the subject , aidan came by their table with noah in his arms . `` after i put him down , i 'm going to make some drinks . emma wants one of her margaritas . you game ? '' he asked megan . she nodded . a drink would certainly help cool her off after the conversation she 'd been having with pesh . `` sure . i do n't think i 've had one in forever . '' `` neither has she . i may be peeling her off the ceiling tonight , '' he teased . `` you have seriously got to stop with the innuendo . you are my uncle , and it is mortifying and disgusting to have to think of you in that capacity . '' `` i am so terribly sorry for scaring your sensitive mind . '' grinning , aidan turned to pesh . `` beer okay with you , or would you like something fruity , too ? '' `` i 'm fine with a beer , '' pesh replied . aidan bobbed his head . `` be right back . '' after aidan headed in the house , pesh caught her staring at him . `` what ? '' `` just surprised you wanted a beer , that 's all . '' `` and why is that ? '' she shrugged . `` you just seemed a little too refined for beer . '' he tilted his head at her . `` what other preconceived notions do you have about me ? '' `` none really , '' she lied . in her mind , she could n't help thinking how she wanted to make him be dirty just for her . she wondered what other surprises he might have up his sleeve . `` for some reason , i do n't believe that . '' he crossed his arms over his broad chest . `` let me guess .
you think that i 'm a 'refined ' man who drinks wine , would never think of cussing or have inappropriate thoughts , organizes his underwear drawer , and who considers doing the crossword puzzle a fun friday night ? '' megan could n't help snorting at his summation . it was a good distraction not to focus on how he had mentioned inappropriate thoughts and his underwear drawer . at the moment , she was having inappropriate thoughts about his underwear ... or hopefully lack thereof . of course , she could n't help judging him as not being the commando type . `` no , that 's not what i think of you . '' `` i would hope not . i know that since i 'm a little older than you- '' `` just a little ? '' the corners of his lips turned up . `` obviously you think i 'm an old man . '' `` no , i do n't , '' she blurted . `` how old do you think i am ? just shy of adult diapers and a walker ? '' she scowled at him . `` i was not insinuating that at all . i think you 're probably close to ankle 's age . '' pesh 's brows furrowed in confusion . `` ankle ? '' she laughed before explaining where the nickname came from . `` i see . so just how old is ankle again ? '' `` thirty-four . '' `` hmm , '' pesh murmured . `` are you younger than that ? '' `` older actually . i 'm thirty-seven . '' damn , he was a lot older than her . twelve years to be exact . `` did i shock you ? '' he asked , with a teasing lilt in his voice . `` i 'd hardly call thirty-seven old . '' `` it 's considerably older than you are , right ? '' `` i suppose , '' she lied . he grinned at her as he leaned on the table with his elbows . `` and just how old are you ? '' `` twenty-five-i 'll be twenty-six in a few months . '' `` twenty-five going on twenty-six . '' `` i must be positively ancient to you . '' he held out his hand and examined it . `` i might have a liver spot or two . '' she smacked his hand playfully . `` shut up . thirty-seven is not old . '' `` see any grey hairs ? '' he asked , bending over to where his delicious head of hair was in front of her face . her fingers itched to run through the dark strands . her mind ran straight to an illicit image of her fingers tugging on his hair as he went down on her , jerking too hard when he sucked and licked her until she came , and then stroking the damp hair back from his forehead as he rose up to cover her body with his . she cleared her throat that had run dry . `` no , of course not . '' he jerked his head up to wink at her . `` then there 's hope for me yet . '' `` i would think so . '' aidan appeared then , carrying all the drinks on a tray . `` i expect a tip when you guys finish , '' he teased . `` i 'll remember that , '' megan replied . after jerking his chin toward the table next to him , aidan said , `` why do n't you guys come over here with us ? '' she fought the urge to slap him . she was enjoying having pesh to herself . `` um , sure . okay , '' she said , reluctantly rising out of her chair . when they changed tables , she was glad to see pesh take the empty chair beside her , rather than across from her . once she got settled in , she was n't lamenting her seat change too much . between casey , and emma 's other best friend , connor , the table was kept in raucous laughter . it was good being with a group of friends . after she had gotten pregnant , she did n't have much in common with her sorority sisters anymore . then when she became a mom , she rarely saw anyone from her old group . her life moved in an entirely different orbit than theirs now . the conversation and laughter flowed as easily as the drinks . megan found herself halfway through her second margarita when she started feeling funny . a flush filled her cheeks at the same time she felt clammy . as aidan came back with another beer , she asked , `` did you put something different in this one ? '' `` yeah , we ran out of the tequila i got for the party , so i gave my favorite niece a good dose of sierra silver . '' megan demanded . aidan 's brows furrowed behind his tipped back beer bottle . once he swallowed , he asked , `` does it taste bad ? '' megan pinched her eyes shut . the room was beginning to spin around her a little . as she brought her hand to her forehead , she heard a smack across the room and aidan cry , `` ow , dammit , em ! '' `` that tequila is a hundred and fifty proof alcohol , aidan , '' emma chastised . `` sorry .
i did n't realize it . i just thought it was the better stuff because it was white tequila . that 's your drink of choice , not mine . '' oh god , she was in so much trouble . she 'd barely consumed any alcohol since she got pregnant and had mason . now she 'd had one regular dosed margarita and almost a full one of straight alcohol . a gentle hand landed on her thigh . `` are you all right ? '' pesh asked . she opened her eyes to see two blurry images of him staring at her with concern . `` not exactly . '' `` would you like me to take you home ? '' `` yes , please . while i can still walk . '' as she rose out of her chair , she swayed a little in her heels . after taking two steps , aidan 's apologetic face appeared before her . `` i 'm sorry , meggie . '' `` it 's not your fault . and i 'll be fine . '' she wagged a finger at him . `` but when i get shit for coming home drunk , i 'm so telling mom it was your fault . '' `` i 'll gladly take the blame and fear angie 's wrath . '' he leaned in to hug her . `` thanks for today-you know , for being noah 's godmother . '' `` you 're welcome . thanks for me asking you . '' `` i mean , thanks for asking me . '' god , this was bad . after exchanging hugs with emma and reassuring her at least twenty times that she would be fine and that she did need to go home , pesh led megan out the front door . he slid a strong arm around her waist to steady her as they went down the porch steps . as she staggered to the car , she moaned . `` i ca n't go home yet . not like this . '' she stared up into his face . `` i ca n't let mason see me like this . '' he pushed a strand of hair out of her face . `` do n't worry . i 'll take you to my house then . '' `` just so i can sober up ? '' she questioned , although she really did n't mean it . she wanted to go to his house for a lot more , especially after being so close to his fabulously built body . `` yes , of course . i 'll make you some strong , black coffee . '' `` thank you , '' she murmured , trying to still the spinning of her head . always the gentleman , pesh opened the door for her , and she collapsed onto the seat . once he made sure she was comfortable , he closed the door and went around the front of the car . megan gazed around at the plush interior of the jaguar with its leather seats and sleek console . after pesh slid into his seat , he put the key in the ignition and cranked up . as they started backing out of the driveway , she glanced over at him . `` do you have to come to the rescue women of drunken . '' `` i mean , drunken women a lot ? '' wait , was she slurring ? he cut his eyes over at her and smiled . he seemed to be trying really hard not to laugh at her . but i 'm always happy to help a damsel in distress . '' megan giggled . oh god , now she was giggling ? she never giggled . she eyed pesh suspiciously . `` got a hero complex , huh ? wan na be every woman 's knight in shining armor ? '' `` not every woman 's , '' he murmured . `` mmm , pesh , you wan na be my knight in shining armor ? '' as soon as the words left her lips , she fought the urge to slap her hand over her mouth . alcohol always had this effect on her-it left her completely without a sensor . pesh 's jaw clenched , and he did n't reply . pitching her upper body over the armrest , she got as close to him as she could . `` you did n't answer my question . '' taking his eyes momentarily off the road , he pinned her with an intense gaze . `` i 'd be anything and everything you wanted me to be , if you would give me the chance . '' momentarily dumbfounded , she could only stare at him . `` oh wow , '' she replied , as she collapsed back onto the seat . the motion caused her to feel dizzy . mumbling almost incoherently , she said , `` mmm , hot as f**k and anything i want . lucky me . '' `` i have a feeling you would n't have asked the original question if you were n't intoxicated . '' with a snort , she replied , `` drunk or sober that woulda been a helluva line to hear from a man . '' `` i 'm glad you think so . '' after spending a few moments in tense silence , megan leaned forward to flick on the radio .
`` do you mind ? '' `` go ahead . '' humming along with one of the songs , she laid her head back on the seat . `` i wo n't hurt your ears by singing . '' `` do you not sing ? '' `` oh , i sing , but i do n't do it well . emma 's the one with the voice . '' `` so i 've heard . '' turning to look at him , megan asked , `` did she ever sing for you ? '' `` sadly , no . '' megan harrumphed as she crossed her arms over her chest . `` she made out with you , but she would n't sing for you ? that 's just rude . '' pesh made a strangled noise . `` emma told you ... about us ? '' `` mmm , hmm . '' she grinned at him . `` i hear you 're a great kisser . '' cutting his eyes over to her , he gave her a pained look . `` it really was n't like that for us . i mean , we were n't in love with each other . '' `` yeah , that 's what she said . course , she did admit that you got her all hot and bothered . '' `` s-she did ? '' he stammered , embarrassment coloring his cheeks . `` hey , the ability to get a woman hot is nothing to be ashamed of . hell , i got turned on when i first saw you today . like my panties got wet . '' `` megan , do n't , '' pesh warned , gripping the steering wheel to where his knuckles turned white . turning in her seat , she eyed him before licking her lips . `` you do n't want me to say how you got me hot in a church ? how you still get me hot acting all bashful about the sex talk ? '' `` please . just do n't . '' `` fine , '' she muttered , before flouncing back in her seat . she did n't speak to him for a long time . instead , she closed her eyes and laid back with her head cushioned on the head rest . when the car started to slow , she snapped her eyes open . she did n't know if she fell asleep or passed out . sitting up , she peered out the window at the posh houses of the subdivision they were in . as they pulled into the driveway , megan could n't help staring up at the house . `` holy shit , this place is beautiful . '' pesh chuckled . `` i know you think it 's just the alcohol talking , but i 'm serious . you have great taste . '' `` i hope you 'll like the inside just as much . '' `` i 'm sure i will . '' after he came around to open the door , she hopped out of the car a little too fast . her wobbly legs wavered , and she ended up crashing into pesh 's chest . staring up at him , she gave an apologetic smile . `` sorry about that . '' `` it 's fine . need some help ? '' with the alcohol fueling her libido , she replied , `` if it means having your hands on me , then sure . '' pesh grimaced , but his arm still came around her waist to steady her . she loped along beside him . after he unlocked the door and punched in the alarm code , she followed him inside . her blurry vision took in the expansive kitchen with his gleaming stainless steel appliances . she followed him as he made his way into the living room . motioning toward the couch , he said , `` why do n't you have a seat while i fix you some coffee ? '' while it was a nice idea to sober herself up , she did n't want any coffee . she just wanted pesh . grabbing the lapels of his suit coat , she pulled herself flush against him . `` when did you put this back on ? '' she wondered aloud . she felt so tiny against his massive chest . it was a good feeling though-one of safety and protection . it also lit her even more on fire with lust . cocking her head , she glanced up at him to survey his expression . even in the semi-darkness , she could see his dark eyes burning with desire . she ran her hands up his chest to his neck . she tugged him down to where his face was inches from hers . fortified with liquid courage , she brought her lips to his . she could n't help the little moan that came from deep in her throat . pesh 's mouth was warm , soft , and inviting . the brief connection made her want him all the more-for him to devour her . tentatively , she slid her tongue across his bottom lip , beckoning him to open for her . almost instantaneously , the warmth of his tongue met hers . they slid against each other , tasting , searching , and seeking .
he gripped her face in his hands , holding her captive as his tongue plunged in and out of her mouth . emma had been right-the man could kiss like there was no tomorrow . he knew when to be gentle with his mouth and then when to switch to more demanding , almost conquering kisses . if he could practically make her soak her panties with just a kiss , what the hell could he do with his dick ? as she started to feel lightheaded and weak on her legs , they stumbled over to the couch before pesh collapsed back , taking her with him . straddling his lap , she gazed at him momentarily before his mouth attacked hers again . as his tongue once again invaded her mouth , she began to raise her h*ps and grind against him . groaning , he broke the kiss by throwing his head back . he gulped in long breaths of air like he was a dying man deprived of his last breath . she felt the same way . she kissed a trail over his chin and down his neck . `` pesh , i want you , '' she murmured into his skin . his chest heaved up and down with her declaration as if he was finding it hard to breathe . she broke away to stare into his eyes . `` please . '' chapter five pesh could n't believe the delicious nightmare he found himself trapped in . a beautiful , sexy blonde writhed against him . the hem of megan 's dress had ridden up to her hips , and a tiny scrap of lace underwear was the only thing covering her core as she rubbed herself against his crotch . her heat and her arousal scorched through the fabric of his pants to singe the skin of his growing erection . he wanted nothing more than to flip her on her back , tear away the underwear , and plunge himself deep inside her . it had been so , so long since he had been within the tight walls of a woman . while his conscious railed against him for even entertaining the thought , his body was onboard . `` please , '' megan whimpered , as she continued to rise and fall over his erection . `` we ca n't ... we should n't . '' she ran her hands up his chest before wrapping them around his neck . `` but i could make you feel good . '' `` i 'm sure you could . '' `` and i know you could make me feel good , too . i 'm already drenched just kissing you . '' her fingers raked through his hair , tugging desperately on the strands . `` i need this , and you need this . '' his body was completely onboard with how much he needed her . if she pressed any closer to him , she was going to set him off and make him do something he had n't since he was a teenager , which was come in his pants . but his once hazy mind was starting to refocus and overpower the desire pumping through his body . he could not and would not take her when she was drunk . it was completely against his character . he 'd never taken advantage of a woman , and he never would . he gazed into her hooded eyes . `` but it would be so very wrong . '' her lip trembled . `` do n't you want me ? '' `` yes , without a doubt . '' `` then why wo n't you have sex with me ? '' `` because you 're inebriated . '' she rolled her eyes in a huff . `` you 're sooo proper , are n't you ? a proper gentleman . '' he cupped her face in his hands . `` if not taking advantage of you in your state of intoxication makes me a gentleman , then i suppose i am . what kind of man would i be to take you now only to have you wake up with regret and remorse ? '' `` the kind of man who wants to get laid ! '' her hand dipped between them to grasp his erection , causing him to hiss . `` i feel you against me-i know you want this as much as i do . '' although the devil on his shoulder raged at him , he quickly removed megan 's hand . `` believe me when i say i wo n't have sex with you like this . i would never disrespect you so much as to not make love to you like you deserve . '' she blinked a few times as if she was having a hard time processing his words . `` regardless of what you have going on in that head of yours , you are better than this . you deserve a man who will take his time with you and show you what pleasure through making love really is . '' `` i 've never had that , '' she whispered regretfully . he gave her a sad smile . `` i did n't think you had . '' he brushed the hair out of her face and cupped her cheek . `` if i take you , i 'll be making love to you . i 'll have you begging and pleading , but you 'll be coming so many times you 'll lose count . you 'll understand the difference between a quick tumble and the all-consuming power of a physical connection fueled by an emotional one . ''
she rapidly blinked her blue eyes in disbelief while her cheeks flushed . `` oh god , did you actually just say that ? '' `` i did . '' he gave her a teasing smile . `` and you 'll be calling out my name more than his . '' `` i ... '' she began before she quickly clamped her lips shut . her eyes widened before she scrambled off of his lap . before he could question her on what she was doing , she threw up all over the front of her dress . when she wavered on her feet like she was going to collapse , pesh tumbled off the couch , reaching out for her . grabbing both of her shoulders , he steadied her . she glanced down at her dress before gazing back at him . pesh 's heart ached at the sight of tears pooling in her eyes . her chin trembled before big , fat tears slid down her cheeks . `` oh god , '' she whispered . `` please do n't cry . '' `` t-this is s-so embarrassing , '' she hiccupped . you do n't have to be embarrassed . '' moaning , she covered her face with her hands . `` first , i made a fool out of myself coming on to you and now i 've puked in front of you like some sorority girl who ca n't handle her liquor . '' `` stop beating yourself up . come , let 's get you cleaned up . '' he slid an arm around her waist to steady her on their way down the hall to the bedroom . she continued to weep softly as they made their way into the bathroom . using his free hand , he flicked on the light . `` can you stand in the shower ? '' with a weak nod , she replied , `` i think so . '' `` if not , there 's a ledge you can sit on . let me turn on the water for you , and i 'll get you a towel . '' he propped her up against the counter before striding over to the shower . once he felt the water was a good enough temperature , he then went over to the closet . he pulled out a towel before returning to megan who had her head in her hands . with his free hand , he took one of her hands and pulled it away from her face . `` please stop beating yourself up . i hate to see you so upset . '' `` i ca n't help it . i 'm such a fool . '' `` no , if you 're a fool , then so am i . we both wanted each other . '' `` but i got drunk ... i never get drunk anymore . '' `` it was an accident . things like that happen . '' he cupped her chin and forced her to look at him . `` you are none of the negative things your mind is calling you right now . '' her broken expression , coupled with her need for his reassurance , nearly crushed him . he had to fight from taking her in his arms . he knew if he did that , he would end up doing something he should n't with her . finally , he nodded . `` but you do smell , so go on and get in the shower . '' the corners of her lips curved up in a half smile . `` do you have something i can change into ? and maybe a toothbrush ? '' `` one second . '' leaving her in the bathroom , he went back into the bedroom to his closet . he took out a pair of scrubs he knew would be too big and too long for her and then coupled it with an emory university t-shirt . when he got back to the bathroom , megan was struggling with the zipper at the back of her dress . with a defeated expression , she dropped her hands . `` could you please help me ? '' `` of course . '' he sat the clothes down on the counter . he then reached up to tug down the zipper . the back of the dress gaped open , exposing her cream colored skin and navy blue lace bra and panties . he closed his eyes to try and block out the glaring images rocketing through his mind . his lips on her skin , his tongue licking up her spine , his hands curving around her ribcage to cup her br**sts . he forced himself to step back . clearing his throat , he replied , `` done . '' glancing at him over her shoulder , megan gave him a weak smile . he took out a spare toothbrush from underneath the counter and placed it next to the clothes he 'd brought her . `` let me know if you need anything else . '' `` okay . '' whirling around , he strode out of the bathroom . not wanting to go too far in case megan needed him , he began pacing around the bedroom . he momentarily faltered when he heard the shower turn off . he waited for her to appear , but she did n't . just as he was about to knock on the door , the whirring hum of the hairdryer started . he continued his pacing as she dried her hair .
next , he heard the sink water turn on as she brushed her teeth . when it was quiet once again in the bathroom , his feet froze as he stared anxiously at the bathroom door . when it opened , pesh 's breath caught . appearing fresh-faced and clean , megan looked so beautiful as she tentatively stepped into the bedroom . she jumped at his voice . `` um , it 's fine . thank you again for the clothes and for letting me shower . '' `` you 're more than welcome . and there 's no need to thank me . '' chewing on her lip , she glanced from the bed to him . `` i texted my mother to tell her i was staying the night at emma 's . '' before he could say anything , she quickly added , `` thank you for putting my purse in the bathroom . that was very thoughtful of you . '' `` you 're welcome , '' he replied . then he thought of her text . `` so you 're staying at aidan and emma 's ? '' after all , the last thing he needed was to have her here-a reminder of what he could n't have . it would be enough to drive any man crazy . `` do you mind if i stayed here instead ? '' when he started to open his mouth , she shook her head . `` i promise no funny business . i just do n't want to go home yet . if you do n't want to me to stay , you can take me to emma 's . '' `` of course you can stay . '' `` i can sleep on the couch or in the guest room . '' he shook his head . `` you 'll sleep right here . '' he walked over to his massive king-sized bed . he turned down the covers before glancing back at her . `` come on . getting some rest will make you feel better . '' she eyed him hesitantly . `` i really ca n't take your bed . that would be imposing . '' `` i do n't mind . i promise . '' `` only if you 're sure ? '' `` i 'm sure . '' tentatively , she started walking over to him , her eyes never leaving his . she eased down onto the mattress before sliding beneath the sheets . when she appeared comfortable , he covered her up . as he started to go , she reached out to grab his arm . `` no , please do n't go . do n't leave me alone . '' `` you want me to stay with you ? '' `` yes , please . '' `` in this bed ... with you ? '' when she nodded , he exhaled a ragged breath . `` megan , i do n't think that 's a good idea . '' `` do n't overthink it ; just stay with me . '' although his brain was raging war at him to make the sane and responsible decision , he replied , `` give me a few minutes . '' `` okay , '' she replied softly . turning , he strode into the bathroom . he did n't bother glancing in the mirror because he was pretty sure he would n't like what he saw . instead , he stripped off his suit and tie . although he probably should have thrown on more clothes , he left his boxers on and grabbed a white shirt off the hamper . after pulling it over his head , he went back out into the bedroom . megan lay on her side in the bed , her face turned toward the bathroom . her eyes were closed , but they popped open the moment he entered the bedroom . without a word to her , he walked around the other side of the bed and climbed inside . lying on his back , he propped one arm over his head . his other hand rested on his chest . he twisted his fingers into the fabric of his shirt over his heart . somehow he wanted to still the erratic beating . just when he thought he might be comfortable , megan turned over to face him . `` you 're so far away , '' she whispered . `` i thought it was for the best . '' the corners of her mouth momentarily turned down in a pout . then she inched closer to him . he sucked in a breath and tried not to hiss when he felt her head nuzzle against his chest . before he could stop her , she had thrown an arm around him . thankfully , she did n't try anything else . and within a few minutes , her labored breathing signaled she had fallen asleep . pesh stared up at the ceiling and willed himself to be able to go to sleep as easily . surprisingly , as megan 's soft snores echoed against his side , his eyes grew heavy . for the first time in two years , he fell asleep with someone in his arms . chapter six sunlight streamed across megan 's face , causing her to squint her eyes tighter closed against the bright invasion . she was warm and comfortable , and she did n't want to wake up . but the tranquility of her morning was shattered when a soft snore came from behind her .
it was far too deep to be one of mason 's . panic prickled its way up her skin . where am i ? her eyes frantically scanned the room . overcome by both masculine decor and smells , she realized she was in a man 's bedroom , or more importantly a man 's bed . she had n't woken up this dazed and confused since she got hammered for the first time . she could n't even remember what day it was . this was bad . very , very bad . she had to get out of there and get home to mason . what kind of mother was she to wake up in a strange man 's bed ? as she tried to roll over , she found herself entrapped by a strong arm wrapped around her waist . her gaze flicked down to the tan , muscled arm . who the hell did that belong to ? a whimper escaped her lips . oh god , had she actually slept with a man she had no memory of ? never in her life had she made such a mistake as that . nausea overcame her , and she knew she needed to get out of bed and into the bathroom . she shoved herself so hard away from the person that she ended up elbowing him in the ribs . he groaned . `` oh , i 'm sorry . i did n't mean to hurt you , '' she quickly apologized . `` it 's okay , megan , '' he murmured drowsily . that voice . it took only a second for her to register who she was in bed with . and with that realization , everything from the night before came crashing down on her . she had accidentally gotten drunk off her ass , pesh had taken her to his house to sober up , and then ... oh god , she had come on to him like a brazen floozy . she buried her head in her hands and moaned . `` hey , how do you feel this morning ? '' `` like i 've been run over by a truck . '' `` want me to fix you a good hangover cure ? '' she peeked at him through her fingers . `` you actually know a hangover cure ? '' `` you think someone like me has never been drunk ? '' when she bobbed her head , he laughed . `` i 'm sorry to disappoint you , but there have been many , many times i 've woken up just as you are now . '' `` that 's hard to imagine . '' she gazed down at the scrubs and t-shirt she was in . although she doubted it , she could n't help but ask . `` did we ... '' `` no , we did n't . '' she arched her brows in surprise . `` if we did n't sleep together , then why did you ... i mean , why are you in bed with me ? '' `` because you begged me to stay . '' she gasped in horror . was n't it enough that she had thrown herself so wantonly at him , but now she 'd begged him to stay with her ? `` i did ? '' `` you said you did n't want to be alone . '' vaguely she remembered pleading with him to lie close to her . what a nightmare . `` i 'm so sorry . '' `` do n't apologize . '' when she started to protest , he held up a hand . `` i have to admit it was nice being in bed with someone again-feeling their warmth , the softness of their body as they lay beside you . '' `` i 've missed that more than i knew . '' overcome with the emotions threatening to overtake her , megan did n't know what to say . all she knew is she needed to get out of there . `` i need to get home ... or to emma 's . i ca n't let my parents think i stayed out all night with a man i just met . '' `` i understand . i would n't dream of compromising your reputation . '' she stared at him for a moment . sometimes the way he spoke made it seem like he was from a different world or time period . `` i , uh , i need to use the bathroom . '' tumbling out of the covers , she then streaked across the room . once she closed the door behind her , she exhaled the breath she 'd been holding . she made it to the toilet just in time to throw up again . she wondered after doing the same thing the night before how there was anything left in her stomach to empty . once she finished , she leaned over the sink , pooling water in her hand before bringing it to her mouth . after gargling to rid herself of the nasty taste , she eventually dug under the counter for some mouthwash , and then brushed her teeth . without a hairbrush or comb , she did her best to tame her out-of-control hair . once she surmised that she looked presentable enough to face the firing squad , aka aidan and emma , she left the bathroom . pesh had thrown on some clothes and stood in the middle of the room .
he raised his brows expectantly at her . `` i 'm ready to go now . '' when she started for the bedroom door , she abruptly stopped . `` wait , my dress ? '' `` i 'll send it out to be dry cleaned . '' `` oh , '' she murmured . in silence , they made their way through the house . megan tried not to be so obvious as she took in the high ceilings of the living room , the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked a large , spacious yard . pesh had an amazing house-one that was far too big for just him . it certainly was made for a family-the one he sadly did n't have . as he started to open the door leading out to the garage for her , pesh stopped and turned around . staring intently at her , he said , `` i 'd like to see you again . '' megan could n't help the shocked gasp that escaped her lips . she 'd made a repeated fool out of herself the night before , and he still wanted to see her ? `` you ca n't be serious . '' she gave a slight jerk of her head . `` i do n't think that is a good idea . '' `` but why ? '' he countered sincerely . with a contemptuous snort , she replied , `` is n't it obvious ? '' `` if you 're alluding to the fact you accidentally got drunk last night and then became ill , that has little relevance to me . accidents happen , and i 'm man enough to realize that . '' he closed the gap between them . `` i liked being with you yesterday . '' remembering what emma had said , megan could n't help asking , `` you want to date me , do n't you ? '' `` yes of course . what else would i want to do ? '' when she replied , `` have sex , '' a flush entered his cheeks . `` that is not what i meant . '' `` and that 's a pity . '' his brows furrowed . `` whatever do you mean ? '' `` you and i ... we want different things . you want to date and get married again , right ? '' `` yes , that is something i desire very much . '' `` but i do n't want to be in a serious relationship right now with you or anyone for that matter . i 'm certainly not ready to get married anytime soon . i just wanted to have some fun with someone . '' pesh frowned . `` i do n't think i understand . '' `` what i want from you is the same thing i wanted last night . just sex , '' she answered honestly . `` you do n't want to date me ... you only want to have sex with me ? '' if the situation had n't been so dire , megan might 've laughed at the horrified expression on pesh 's face . he appeared absolutely floored that she could ever think of only using him as a sex toy . finally , when she gathered herself together , she shook her head . `` i 'm sorry , but that 's the way i feel . '' she braced herself for some sort of wrath out of him or even a lecture . what he did was even more surprising . `` and i 'm sorry you feel that way because i would have really enjoyed getting to know you better . '' without another word , he opened the door . always the gentleman , he waited for her to go through first . tucking her head to her chest , she bypassed him to walk to the car . once again , he appeared to open the car door for her . `` thank you , '' she murmured . he nodded before walking around the front of the car . without another word to her , pesh cranked up , and then began backing down the driveway . the ride to aidan and emma 's was only twenty minutes , but it seemed to take an eternity . the painful silence hung heavy around her . pesh did n't look at her . instead , he kept his gaze firmly on the road ahead of them . when he pulled into aidan and emma 's driveway , megan felt her stomach clench . she wished there was some way to make things right between them . but she had a feeling she had gone too far and said too much . as he put the car in park , he turned to look at her . `` thank you for the ride , '' she said . it was my pleasure . '' `` most of all , i want to thank you for taking care of me last night . you truly went above and beyond . i can never thank you enough . '' `` you do n't have to thank me . i 'm glad i was able to help you . '' nibbling on her bottom lip , she finally allowed herself to say what she was holding back on . `` i wish things could be different , '' she said softly . when she dared herself to look at him , she found him staring intently at her . `` i 'm sorry , too . take care of yourself .
okay ? '' she bobbed her head . `` the same to you . '' with trembling hands , she fumbled for the door handle . when she was finally able to open the door , she stumbled out onto the pavement . as she made her way up the driveway , she could feel pesh 's eyes on her . the car remained parked as she climbed the porch steps and rang the doorbell . she hoped that noah was already up , and she was n't waking the household . aidan threw open the door . `` megan ? what the hell ? '' his question and concern caused her to burst into tears . `` why are you crying ? '' aidan demanded . `` it 's a long story . '' he glanced from her out the door to pesh 's car . his expression darkened . `` did pesh hurt you ? '' `` no ! of course not . '' `` if he 's made you cry , i do n't care whether he 's noah 's godfather or not . i 'll punch his lights out ! '' she grabbed his arm . `` stop it , ankle ! it 's not him , it 's me . it 's all my fault . he stared at her in surprise . `` give me some coffee and a chance to calm down , and then i 'll tell you everything . '' although his expression was skeptical , aidan nodded , and then started to close the door . megan stole one last glance of pesh as his car started reversing down the driveway . she hoped for her sake and his it was the last time she would have to see him . chapter seven megan nervously tapped her thumbs on the steering wheel of her car . her clinical placement had come through , and she was now on her way to make her introductions to her preceptor , the nurse who would supervise her . although she had initially been disappointed in not receiving grady , she was still excited to be doing the last part of the journey to becoming a nurse . she was also grateful she had n't received the night shift that some of her fellow nursing students had . she would have rarely been able to see mason if she had to sleep during the day and work at night . she pulled into the parking lot of the wellstar er and eased into the first space she found . after turning off the car , she grabbed her folder of paperwork along with her purse and headed inside . she stopped at the front desk . `` i 'm not a patient . i 'm a clinical student here to see kristi parkman . '' `` go on through , '' the receptionist said , before she buzzed open the authorized personnel only door . breezing inside the heart of the er , megan could n't help feeling excited . she could n't wait until she got her feet wet by working with patients . glancing around , she was n't exactly sure how she was going to find the preceptor . she stopped at an area teaming with nurses . `` can i help you ? '' one of them asked . `` yes , i 'm here to see kristi parkman . '' a tall blonde woman in her fifties came over to her with a beaming smile . `` you must be ms . mckenzie ? '' `` it 's so nice to meet you . '' `` it 's nice meeting you , too . '' `` we 're so very glad to have you . i 've taken a look at your transcript , and it 's quite impressive . '' `` thank you , '' megan replied . `` why do n't i show you around today ? that way you 'll be ready to go with the flow tomorrow . '' `` sounds good . '' with a smile , kristi led her around the maze of rooms . she pointed out where the medicine room was , the trauma area , and where she would find the break room . each time they passed a nurse or a doctor , kristi was quick to introduce megan . `` everyone seems very friendly , '' megan mused . `` it really is a great place to work . now , i 'm not going to lie that some of the residents can be real ass**les . but we 're so lucky to have a supervisor who is such a sweetheart . '' `` that 's wonderful . '' `` yes , everyone loves dr . nadeen . '' megan 's heartbeat slowed to a standstill . nadeen . no , it could n't be . surely there were more doctors with that last name . searching her mind , she tried desperately to remember where he said he worked . `` oh good , he 's just down the hall . let me introduce you two . '' `` no , that 's really is n't necessary , '' megan protested feebly . ignoring her , kristi called , `` dr. nadeen , come meet our newest nursing candidate . '' the moment he turned around , megan felt like she was going to throw up .
after spending two months trying hard to forget about her infamous night with pesh nadeen , there he was right in front of her . she could n't help having the classic line from casablanca flash in her head , `` out of all the gin joints in all the world , she had to walk into mine . '' she certainly felt that way about all the hospitals she could have possibly been assigned to , she had to be assigned to his . the shock and surprise registered on his face as well . he was quick to mask it by smiling warmly at her . `` hello again , megan . '' kristi 's brows shot up at the familiarity of pesh 's greeting . `` you know each other ? '' `` um , well , '' megan began . how was she going to explain ? the last thing she needed was to get off on the wrong foot with her coworkers . `` she and i share a godson . '' `` oh how wonderful . '' kristi patted megan 's back . `` what luck for you then ending up here out of all the hospitals ? '' `` yes , what luck , '' megan murmured . kristi smiled . `` well , i 'll let you two catch up for a minute or two . '' `` no , that 's okay . you do n't have to do that , '' megan protested . waving her hand dismissively , kristi said , `` it gives me a chance to go grab a snack and something to drink . be back in a few , and we 'll finish the tour . '' megan fought the urge to run after kristi as she walked off . instead , she turned back to pesh who was staring expectantly at her . `` you do n't exactly look happy to see me , '' pesh said . she shook her head wildly . `` how could i be ? the man , who i completely made an ass out of myself in front of , is at the hospital where i 'm doing my clinicals . that does n't exactly make my day . '' `` for the last time , you have nothing to be embarrassed about . '' `` sorry , but that does not make me feel any better , '' she grumbled . `` what can i do to put you at ease about working with me ? '' rubbing her now aching head , she replied , `` i do n't know . if i thought it would n't make me look bad , i 'd request a transfer . '' `` i offend you that much ? '' as she gazed up at him , his expression was wounded . `` no , no , you do n't offend me . it 's just that ... '' she chewed mercilessly on her bottom lip before she continued . after taking a ragged breath , she replied , `` it 's just that for the past two years , i had pretty good control of my life . the night i was with you , i let all that control crumble . by getting drunk , i became someone else-someone i used to be . the girl , or woman , who would do anything to get a man 's attention . i do n't like that person very much , and i do n't ever want to go back there . seeing you just makes me remember all of that . '' megan could n't help being surprised by how honest she 'd been able to be with him . pesh remained silent for a moment . his dark eyes bore into hers . `` i am sorry that you reflect so negatively on the night we were together . for me , it was not marred by drinking or you getting sick . i enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you . '' `` i enjoyed waking up with you . i would give anything for you to be able to look at me without having to feel bad about yourself . '' `` you really enjoyed being with me that night ? '' `` when i told you i wanted to see you again , i was serious . '' `` that 's very sweet of you , but i have n't changed my mind about dating . '' `` you have n't ? '' with a shake of her head , she replied , `` i have too much going on in my life right now to get involved with someone . it would n't be fair to them ... to you . especially since we still want very different things from each other . '' `` i see , '' he replied . megan noticed the sadness that darkened his expression . `` i 'm sorry , '' she murmured . `` you have nothing to regret . any grief i 'm experiencing is once again my fault . '' he gave her a rueful smile . `` i seem to keep falling for women who are n't meant for me . '' she sucked in a harsh breath at his words . `` falling ? you are ... you were falling for me ? '' pesh opened his mouth to reply , but at the sound of kristi coming back from the break room , he shut it . closing the gap between them , he whispered , `` do n't worry about working with me , megan .
we 'll always be friends , and i will respect your wishes and your distance . '' for some reason , his words had the opposite effect they should have , and regret ricocheted through her . finally , she managed to say , `` thank you . i appreciate that . '' with a smile , he then turned and walked away . she heaved a painful breath as kristi walked up to her . `` such a sweetheart , is n't he ? '' `` yes , he is , '' megan murmured . `` not bad on the eyes either . '' a nervous giggle escaped megan 's lips . `` no , he 's not . '' `` i swear that half of the women here in the er act like they 're in heat whenever he comes around . '' kristi fanned herself . `` i mean , that body , those eyes , and those dimples . lord , if i was n't a happily married woman , what i would n't want to do to that man ! '' megan knew exactly what kristi meant . unfortunately , she was never going to get the chance to experience it for herself . somehow she 'd managed to find the only man left in the world who would n't partake in just a sexual relationship . no , pesh had to want more than she was willing to give . `` did you hear what i said ? '' kristi asked . megan snapped her gaze from pesh 's retreating form back to face kristi . `` i 'm sorry what ? '' kristi laughed . `` oh no , i 'm about to lose another one to dr. nadeen 's charms , huh ? '' shaking her head wildly , megan replied , `` no , no , we 're just friends-i do n't feel anything like that for him . '' kristi winked . `` yeah , just keep telling yourself that , honey . '' chapter eight as pesh exited one of the exam rooms , he saw megan sitting on a stool at the counter , working on a chart . when the door shut behind him , she jerked her head up and caught him staring . he cleared his throat and walked over to her . `` hello , '' he said , pleasantly . `` hi . '' `` so , are you settling in ? '' `` everyone has been so nice and helpful . '' `` good . i 'm glad to hear that . we usually have very good success rates with our clinical candidates . '' megan smiled before her head dipped back down to work on the chart . nervously , he scratched the back of his neck . things were rolling along with them now that he knew he should n't try to rock the boat . after all , he had promised her he would keep his distance . but he could n't help himself . in the two months since their first encounter , he had n't stopped thinking about her . now that she had shown back up in his life so out of the blue , he could n't help feeling that it was fated . ask her to dinner , his mind shouted . he bit down on his lip to keep the question he was burning to ask from escaping his mouth . finally , it rushed forth before he could stop himself . `` why do n't you let me buy you dinner after work ? '' megan 's scribbling pen stilled on the chart . she glanced up and cocked her head at him . `` dinner implies a date , and i thought we were clear on that . '' he gave her a nervous smile . `` well , i was only offering some less palatable cafeteria food . i hardly think that constitutes a date . '' `` in my realm of dating consciousness , any time you sit down at a table while eating and drinking together , it is a date . '' crossing his arms over his chest , he countered , `` if that were true , it would mean you were dating your father and brother every time you sat down together . i know your family is close , but i do n't believe they 're that close . '' megan 's brows rose . `` oh , is the good doctor cracking jokes now ? '' `` perhaps . '' the corners of megan 's lips turned up . `` then what exactly would you consider a date ? '' pesh leaned back against the wall , surmising her teasing smile . `` a mutually agreed upon event . '' `` you 're so proper , '' megan teased . he rolled his eyes at her , something he rarely did until he began spending more and more time in her presence . `` and you 're avoiding the initial question . '' megan put down the pen and chart and crossed her arms over her chest . `` so , if you could take me on a date , where would we go ? '' pesh rubbed his jaw in thought . `` well , if would have to be something you would want to do , but i would begin with dinner . '' when she started to protest , he held up his hand .
`` somewhere that was romantic with candlelight and soft music-perhaps a place where we could dance in between courses . '' staring at him in surprise , megan replied , `` you 're serious ? '' she slowly shook her head back and forth . `` okay , go on . '' `` once we finished wine and dessert , i would then want to take you somewhere you 've never been- '' `` like your bedroom ? '' megan interjected with a smirk . `` i do believe you 've already been there before . '' the teasing faded from megan 's expression , and a flush entered her cheeks . `` may i continue ? '' `` yeah , '' she murmured . `` i would want to be with you to experience something you never have before-an art gallery , an opera , a musical . anything that would bring wonderment and excitement to your face . '' he gave her a small smile . `` and it would mean all the more that i was getting to share it with you . '' he watched with almost mild amusement as she processed his words . most likely she had never had a man speak to her the way he was , and it was certainly affecting her . feeling like it was time to go in for the kill , he asked once again , `` so , will you have dinner with me ? '' pesh leaned forward expectantly as megan opened her mouth . they were interrupted by the sound of emma 's voice . `` oh thank god . i 'm so glad you two are on . '' her anxious tone was the only thing that could have torn pesh 's attention away from megan . he glanced from emma to aidan , who was grimacing and rubbing his head . emma replied , `` he fell and hit his head , '' at the same time aidan grunted , `` nothing . '' megan stepped forward and went over to aidan . she gasped as she surveyed him . `` ankle , your pupils are huge ! '' pesh took his penlight out of his coat pocket and went to aidan . as he flashed the light into aidan 's eyes , he grimaced . `` yeah , they are . what exactly happened ? '' he made sure to direct his question to emma since she appeared to be the only one being honest . `` we were at my ob 's for our first ultrasound . '' pesh 's eyes widened . `` ultrasound ... you 're pregnant ? '' `` again ? '' megan questioned by his side . the concern for aidan on emma 's face washed away and was replaced with a beaming smile . `` yes , i 'm eight weeks . '' `` why did n't you say something at dinner sunday ? '' `` well , i only found out two weeks ago , and we wanted to wait to tell everyone until we had the first ultrasound . '' megan 's blonde brows creased . `` so what does the ultrasound have to do with ankle hitting his head ? '' emma pursed her lips and cut her gaze over to aidan . `` would you like to tell them ? '' when he shook his head and then winced , emma sighed . `` when they hooked me up to the fetal monitor , they thought they heard two heartbeats . at the word 'twins ' , aidan passed out and hit his head on the counter and the floor . '' while pesh quickly turned a laugh into a cough , megan was n't so tactful . she burst out laughing . `` you seriously passed out during the ultrasound ? '' aidan scowled at her . `` in my defense , it was n't quite the ultrasound yet . '' at megan 's continued laughter , he shrugged . `` it was pretty mind-blowing news . '' `` oh ankle , honestly . '' aidan turned to pesh . `` so am i going to stand around all day getting shit , or are you going to examine me ? '' `` of course . your pupils are definitely a matter of concern . '' glancing at emma , aidan said , `` just wait for me here . '' pesh motioned for aidan to go into the first examining room . as soon as the door closed behind him , aidan lunged for him , grabbing the lapels of his white coat . `` i need a vasectomy . today . '' pesh fought the urge to laugh at the absurdity of the situation as well as aidan 's desperation . `` okay , let 's get you to sit down . you 've obviously been through a lot of trauma in the last hour . '' aidan plopped onto the examining table . he buried his head in his hands and groaned . `` what a f**king nightmare of a day . '' `` does your head hurt ? '' `` a little . '' `` any nausea ? '' `` maybe . '' pesh furrowed his brows . `` what do you mean , maybe ? '' aidan raised his head . `` if you 're asking if i 'm nauseated now , the answer would be no . i 'm not .
but on the other hand , if you 're asking if i get nauseous thinking about the fact that emma could have been pregnant with twins , and i would have had three kids under two and in diapers ... '' aidan shuddered . `` then yeah , i get really f**king nauseous , and the room starts to spin a little . '' easing down on his stool , he rolled over to aidan . `` take a deep breath for me , okay ? '' aidan 's chest expanded as he inhaled and exhaled . `` again , '' pesh instructed . after a few cleansing breaths , pesh cocked his head at aidan . `` better ? '' `` yeah , a little , '' aidan croaked . he jerked his hand through his hair . `` are you going to get me a referral for a vasectomy ? '' pesh held up his hand . `` i 'm confused . if you know that emma is n't having twins , why do you want to have a vasectomy ? '' `` because twins run on both sides of our families . pop was a twin , and emma 's uncles are twins . it 's like we have a genetic bull's-eye hovering over us . we can barely be in the same room without conceiving , so it 's just inevitable that she 'll get pregnant again , and then i 'll have four kids ... maybe even five . '' aidan swallowed hard as some of the color drained from his face . `` i ca n't be a baby making machine . '' `` actually , most recent studies still conclude that identical twins can happen to anyone , whereas , fraternal twins are the result of the mother producing two eggs in a single cycle . this tendency to create multiple eggs is passed from mother to child . given that emma does n't have a non-identical twin , you are fairly safe . '' aidan tilted his head , his expression one of confusion . `` so you 're saying i do n't have to worry about that ? '' `` without knowing emma 's full genetic history , i could n't say , but it sounds like a no-at least for fraternal twins . '' after processing pesh 's words , aidan shook his head . `` like it really matters about the twins . we 're still way too fertile together . i need to stop this before it gets out of hand . '' `` and what does emma think about all of this ? '' a red flush entered aidan 's cheeks . `` um , well , i have n't actually mentioned it to her . '' `` you do n't think your wife needs to know about such a life-altering decision ? '' `` well , of course i 'd tell her before i went in for the surgery . '' as pesh crossed his arms over his chest , he could n't help wondering just how hard aidan had been hit in the head . `` you can not seriously be sitting there saying that . '' aidan stared at pesh for a moment before he groaned . `` oh man , i 'm being a giant , selfish tool about this , are n't i ? '' `` pretty much . '' aidan rubbed his hand over his eyes . `` it 's just ... being a father is f**king scary sometimes . i worry about noah constantly , and now there 's another baby in the mix . plus , another baby means more time taken away from emma . '' he gave a weak smile . `` i love her so much . sometimes ... i just ca n't get enough of her , and i do n't want to share . '' `` i think that 's a perfectly normal feeling . '' aidan shook his head . `` it makes me sound like a selfish bastard . i mean , who is jealous of their kid for taking their wife 's time ? '' `` a lot of men . so stop beating yourself up over what you 're feeling . most of all , do n't bottle it up . talk to emma . '' aidan 's blue eyes widened as he shook his head furiously back and forth . `` oh hell no , i do n't want her thinking badly of me . '' `` she wo n't . emma always appreciates honesty . '' `` about me being jealous of her time with our kids ? i 'm pretty sure she would not want me being honest about that . '' `` what has emma always said is the most important thing in a relationship ? '' `` trust . '' `` so how are you building her trust by lying to her about your feelings ? '' aidan 's blonde brows furrowed . `` so i should just tell her i 'm afraid of losing her and that i want us to maximize our time together ? '' `` i would think so . i do n't think any woman could get angry hearing her husband say how much he loves her and wants to be with her . '' aidan appeared thoughtful . `` i guess you 're right . '' pesh smiled as he patted aidan 's shoulder reassuringly . `` you 're doing a wonderful job being a father .
i 'm sure you 'll do just as well with a second and maybe even a third child . '' at the mention of a third child , aidan swallowed hard , his adam 's apple bobbing up and down . `` i do n't mind a third kid ... just not now . maybe in a couple of years . '' he glanced up and smiled at pesh . `` but thanks for the vote of confidence on me being a father . '' `` i just call it as i see it . '' `` i appreciate that . '' `` how about i check on your head now ? '' aidan nodded . pesh started feeling for unusual lumps and bumps on aidan 's head . `` hmm , i do n't feel anything abnormal . but just to be on the safe side , i want you to have a ct scan to rule out concussion or any brain bleeds . '' `` jesus , i could have all of that from just hitting my head ? '' `` you would be surprised . let me go call in the order , and they 'll come take you back . hopefully you wo n't have too long a wait . we 're usually slower during the afternoons when the doctors ' offices and imaging centers are open . '' as he started for the door , aidan stopped him . `` hey , man , with all the craziness , i almost forgot to ask how is megan doing with her placement ? '' pesh did n't have to think twice before responding , `` she is going to make an incredible nurse . '' aidan grinned . `` i 'm glad to hear it . not that i ever doubted her abilities . it 's just good to hear her praises sung by a doctor . '' popping pesh on the chest teasingly with his hand , aidan asked , `` how 's it going between you and megan ? '' pesh almost laughed out loud at aidan 's forthrightness . it was not in his nature to be so blunt , and after megan turning him down yet again , he was n't really sure how to answer . `` i truly respect and admire megan . '' he considered that the most diplomatic way to answer her uncle 's enquiry . despite feeling glad that he obviously had earned his friend 's respect , he would n't say anything untoward about megan in front of him . it is her business who she did or did n't date . `` that 's not what i meant . '' `` i did n't imagine it was . '' aidan eyed him before saying , `` look i know you got off to a rocky start , but it 's not hopeless . are you planning on asking her out ? '' `` you 're not letting this go , are you ? '' `` nope . not a chance . '' pesh shoved his hands into his lab coat . `` i have asked megan to accompany me on a date , but at this point , we are at a stalemate . but , i am not planning on giving up anytime soon . does that satisfy your inquisition ? '' aidan laughed , but then his brows furrowed . `` what do you mean ? you two looked pretty cozy and comfortable together when we walked up . '' with a regretful shake of his head , pesh replied , `` she does n't want to date me . '' `` i call bullshit . i may have been bonked in the head , but no one could deny the way she was looking at you . maybe if you- '' although it was against his character , he let his anger override his better judgment . `` she wants me for sex but not for a relationship , okay ? '' aidan 's mouth gaped open . `` you mean , she 's acting like ... a dude ? '' `` if you mean that she has pretty much refused to go to dinner with me or any other honorable event that a man and woman can partake in on a date , and instead , she would rather pursue a strictly physical relationship , then the answer is yes . '' `` my god , it 's like she 's turned into the old me , '' aidan muttered . he ran his hand over his face before he looked at pesh again . with a shrug , pesh replied , `` she 's still very young . i suppose in her eyes , she 's been deprived of fun the last two years . this is a way for her to make up for that . regardless if we agree or understand it . '' `` well , i still call bullshit on the whole thing . '' he gave pesh a long , hard stare . `` you have to keep trying , no matter what . '' `` i did n't say i was giving up , did i ? '' `` no , but i know from personal experience how hard it is to keep trying when it feels like you are n't winning . '' `` what occurred with you and emma is totally different than with megan and me . '' `` you still have to try . '' aidan hopped off the examining table and wobbled for a moment on unsteady legs .
`` megan has been hurt before , and i do n't think she really knows what it is to be loved . not deeply where her needs were considered . hell , she was only twenty-three when she got knocked up . i want her to find someone who will cherish her , man . i want my girl cared for . '' he patted pesh 's shoulder . `` i think that someone could be you . '' `` we 'll see . '' when aidan started to argue , pesh shook his head . `` time to see about your head . '' `` whatever , '' aidan mumbled . when pesh opened the door for aidan , emma and megan stared expectantly at them . `` so what 's the verdict ? '' `` i think he 's going to be just fine , but to be on the safe side , i 've ordered him a ct scan . '' emma 's eyes widened in fear . `` you think he has some brain injury from the fall ? '' she asked in a panicky voice . pesh smiled to try and put her at ease . `` i do n't think there 's anything wrong besides a slight bump on the head , but i want to make sure there is nothing wrong with him . '' `` okay then , '' emma replied . an orderly appeared with a wheelchair to escort aidan to his scan . before he sat down , aidan leaned over to kiss emma . `` i 'm fine , babe . stop worrying . it is n't good for you or the baby . '' she gave him a weak smile . `` i 'll try hard not to . '' he winked at her before collapsing down in the wheelchair . `` nothing can keep me down-you should know that by now . '' megan snorted . `` at least we know the bump did n't do anything to your ego . '' `` of course not , '' emma agreed . kristi poked her head out of one of the examining rooms . `` dr. nadeen , i need you . '' he nodded before turning to megan . `` why do n't you show emma to one of the family waiting rooms ? '' `` sure , '' megan replied . emma reached up to hug him . `` thanks for taking care of aidan . '' `` it was my pleasure . '' he gave them a final wave before disappearing into the waiting patient 's room . but after talking to aidan , he definitely had a little more determined bounce in his step . chapter nine two days later when megan came in for a later shift , she found the emergency room in a state of chaos . `` whoa , what happened ? '' she asked kristi , after she 'd clocked in and put away her things . kristi rolled her eyes . `` every month or so we seem to have a day where everything is madness from start to finish . you can never anticipate it-you kinda just have to go with the flow . '' she grinned at megan . `` so get ready to be on your toes today . '' `` okay , sounds good . '' as they started working their way through patients , things continued to escalate into overwhelming territory for megan . kristi seemed to be experiencing the same feeling since the tops of her cheeks had a shine of perspiration beads on them . the moment they finished with one patient and disinfected the room , another patient was waiting to enter it . megan followed behind kristi as she went to poke her head in to the registration area . `` hey janet , could you not call anyone else back ? we 're getting swamped . '' janet shook her head . `` it 's just as crazy out in the waiting room . like we 're almost overflowing . '' `` fabulous . it 's probably another full moon , which makes things absolutely insane . '' she turned back to megan . `` listen , since we 're so swamped , can you take the man in exam b ? '' megan could n't help her eyes from widening . `` really ? on my own ? '' kristi smiled before patting megan 's hand . `` i 've seen you in action the last week . i have faith in you . '' `` okay , if you 're sure . '' `` i 'm positive . '' megan could n't contain her smile . taking her ipad , she flipped open the registration details on the patient awaiting her . when she pushed open the door , she eyed the man on the examining table . `` good evening mr. robertson , i 'm megan . what- '' before she could even get out the standard `` what seems to be the problem ? '' question , the man started shaking his head furiously . `` no , no . i wo n't let you examine me . i want a doctor . a male doctor . you understand ? '' `` sir , i understand , but i have to follow protocol , which is to ascertain your issues before the doctor comes in . i see on the chart that you 're experiencing some abdominal swelling ? ''
he refused to meet her eye . instead , he gazed over at the wall before holding up one finger to her . `` i meant what i said . i demand to see a male doctor . '' `` yes , but we 're very backed up this afternoon . i 'm not sure how long it will be before you are able to see a doctor , least of all a male doctor . '' when it appeared the man 's resolve was fading a little , megan took a tentative step forward . `` please , if you would just let me take a look at your abdomen . '' `` it is n't my stomach , '' he mumbled . `` then what is it ? '' when he did n't respond , she sighed with frustration . `` mr. robertson , you can not ignore abdominal swelling . it can stem from many issues and have many repercussions . '' he shifted uncomfortably on the table . just when she thought she was making headway with him , he threw his head back and began screaming at the top of his lungs . `` get me a male doctor ! '' megan rolled her eyes . the first time she had the chance to see a patient on her own , and he had to be a stark raving lunatic . refusing to give into him or accept defeat , she stalked over to him . she was going to exam his sexist ass if it was the last thing she did . `` keep screaming , and i 'll call security , '' she warned before snatching the sheet off him . his screams cut off to a shriek as he clawed for the sheet , but the damage was done . she had seen more than enough . `` oh . my . god , '' she murmured . she gazed wide-eyed and open-mouthed at what had to be the poster child picture to go along with the warning labels on viagra and cialis for four-hour erections . `` that 's going to have to be aspirated . '' he demanded . she cocked her head at him . `` the excessive blood in your penis ? '' `` it 's not just going to go away on its own . it has to be aspirated , which means drained out . '' mr. robertson swallowed hard . `` like with a needle ? '' `` yes , with a very large needle . '' when he started to protest , she brought her hand up . `` lucky for you , i can not do the procedure-it is to be handled strictly by a doctor . '' `` a male ? '' `` if it came to your penis exploding from the pressure by waiting for a male doctor , would you seriously be that picky ? '' his blue eyes widened in horror . `` yeah , i thought so . i 'll be back . '' when she whirled out of the room , she ran right into the last person she wanted to have to deal with at the moment . `` i 'm so sorry . are you all right ? '' `` i 'm fine . '' he smiled down at her . `` doing some patient evaluations on your own ? that 's wonderful . '' `` um , well , yes and no . '' his brows knitted in concern . `` what 's wrong ? '' she could n't imagine telling pesh about mr. robertson 's condition . the last thing she was going to do was refer the case to him . draining an engorged penis should be left to the interns , not an attending physician . `` oh , it 's nothing . he 's just a little demanding . '' at that moment , the door to the exam room flew open . mr. robertson stood hunched over , his legs an almost painful distance apart . he took one look at pesh and his white coat , and he lunged at him . `` help me . please ! '' although it was strictly against the nursing code , she would have loved nothing more than to have throttled mr. robertson right then and there . pesh grasped mr. robertson 's hands on his coat and pulled them down . `` sir , you need to get back inside . as unsteady as you are , you certainly do not need to be on your feet . '' as pesh led mr. robertson back to the examining table , megan reluctantly followed them inside the room and closed the door . `` what seems to be the problem ? '' mr. robertson glanced from pesh to megan and then back to pesh . with a sheepish expression , he replied . `` um , i seem to be having some lower abdominal swelling . '' megan had to fight from rolling her eyes . she stepped between pesh and mr. robertson and looked pesh full on in the eye . `` while the patient refuses to acknowledge his condition , it appears after examination that he has an extreme priapism . ''
at the word , color flooded into pesh 's tan cheeks , and he broke eye contact to momentarily stare down at the floor . his reaction was exactly what megan had feared she would experience in the moment . she had hardly imagined his level of professionalism would allow him to be embarrassed about a medical condition . but of course , their past interactions made anything of the sexual kind a little more mortifying than if she was dealing with one of the male interns . it took pesh only a few seconds to recover , and then he immediately turned his attention to mr. robertson . `` did you take any erectile dysfunction medication in the last four to six hours ? '' when mr. robertson started to look at megan , pesh shook his head . `` my nurse will stay with me through the duration of your care . so i will repeat once again , did you take any medication ? '' `` cialis . '' `` how many milligrams ? '' when mr. robertson shrugged , pesh demanded , `` are you being purposefully evasive , or do you not know ? '' `` i do n't know , okay ? i got it off a buddy of mine . '' `` do you normally take medication that is n't prescribed to you ? '' `` i just wanted to try it out . '' pesh glanced over at megan . `` i 'm going to ask for a full blood work-up . who knows what else he might 've taken . '' megan nodded and punched in the code on the electronic chart to get a member of the phlebotomy team up to draw the blood . after going over to the dispenser , pesh slid a pair of rubber gloves on . `` i 'm going to have to examine you now . '' with a resigned huff , mr. robertson threw the sheet back . megan bit down on her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on pesh 's face . she was pretty sure he had n't had to deal with a lot of penises that resembled enormous eggplants in his career . of course , her amusement quickly faded when she realized how awkward it was being in the room with him while he held another man 's penis in his hand . she tried busying herself with the electronic chart in front of her . she wanted to do anything but look at the scene unfolding before her . once pesh finished that part of the exam , mr. robertson eased back down on the examining table , and pesh once again eyed the eggplant-colored penis . `` precisely how long have you had the erection ? '' `` five and a half hours . '' `` there does n't appear to be any artery rupture , so we wo n't need to perform surgery . i think the quickest form of treatment , as well as the least invasive , would be to try an injection to narrow the veins and reduce the blood flow to your penis . that should reduce the swelling . '' mr. robertson 's eyes narrowed suspiciously . `` and where do you have to give me the shot ? '' `` in the penis , of course . '' with a gulp , mr. robertson replied , `` fine . do it . '' `` can you grab a syringe of alpha-agonist please ? '' she gladly retreated from the room to head to the medicine closet . after checking the syringe dosage , she reluctantly returned to mr. robertson 's room . `` thank you , '' pesh said , as he took the medication from her . she watched with mild disgust , as well as fascination , as he took mr. robertson 's penis in his hand . `` take a deep breath , '' he instructed . the moment the needle pricked the skin , mr. robertson howled uncontrollably . megan could n't help rolling her eyes at what a complete pansy he was being about the pain . once pesh finished , he dropped the empty syringe in the biohazard container and then glanced back at mr. robertson . `` if the swelling has n't begun to dissipate in the next ten to fifteen minutes , we 're going to have to take another course of action . '' `` what 's that ? '' mr. robertson questioned , with a grimace . `` aspirating the penis of the blood . '' mr. robertson paled considerably . `` oh god , she mentioned that . '' he said the word she like megan was a swarm of locust . pesh turned to smile at megan . `` then she made a good call . '' he then eyed his pager that was going off . `` keep an eye on him . i 'll be back in fifteen . '' `` okay , i will . '' time ticked by agonizingly slow as she worked on charts and kept an eye on mr. robertson . every few minutes , he was lifting up the sheet to eye his erection .
each time he grimaced , megan imagined that the shot was n't working and the swelling had n't gone down . when pesh entered the room again , he glanced from her to mr. robertson . `` so how are we doing ? '' `` no change . '' he went over to a drawer and searched through it before producing a very large syringe with a very thick needle . `` i 'm sorry , mr. robertson , but it looks like this is our only choice . '' mr. robertson seemed speechless for the first time all night . `` ms. mckenzie , can i get you to assist me ? '' `` i need you to help restrain him . i need him to be as still as possible . '' megan fought the urge to roll her eyes at his suggestion . mr. robertson had to outweigh her by a hundred pounds , not to mention that when pain got your adrenaline pumping , you were even stronger . but she did as she was told . as pesh brought the needle to mr. robertson 's penis , she gripped her hands tight into his shoulders . when the needle pierced the skin , it took everything within her to keep him on the table . gritting her teeth , she held her ground . finally , when the last of the blood had been withdrawn , she was able to loosen her grip . pesh tossed the syringe into the biohazard container and then turned around . `` i advise you take some ibuprofen for both the pain and for the anti-inflammatory benefits . i would also do a round or two of using an ice pack on your crotch . it would be my strongest advice that you never take anymore erectile dysfunction medication until you actually need it . '' `` whatever , '' mr. robertson croaked , collapsing back onto the table . `` give him about thirty minutes , and then he needs to head on home . we 'll need the exam room , '' pesh instructed . he gave her a quick smile before exiting the room . after thirty minutes , she saw mr. robertson to the door of the er . as he staggered into the waiting room , she shook her head . `` megan , '' kristi called . `` yes ? '' `` go ahead and take your dinner break now . '' `` are you sure ? i mean , i can work through it since we 're so busy . '' kristi shook her head . `` we 're fine . besides , you 're going to need all your strength . things are probably going to get even crazier after the sun goes down . '' megan tried not to appear horrified at the prospect . instead , she ducked into the break room to grab her purse . when she came out , pesh was waiting for her . `` where are you going ? '' `` oh , it 's my dinner break . '' pesh gave an impish smile . `` how fortunate . it 's mine as well . '' realizing what he was intending , she slowly shook her head back and forth . `` no dates . '' after crossing his arms over his chest , pesh asked , `` and how would it be a date if we happened to go to the cafeteria at the same time and sit at the same table ? '' `` you 're pushing it , and you know it . '' `` after what we both just endured , how can you deny me the pleasure of buying your dinner ? '' a teasing twinkle flashed in his dark eyes-one she was n't used to seeing on him . for some reason , she found it completely irresistible . `` besides , how can i possibly have romance on my mind when i just held another man 's penis in my hands ? '' her eyes widened in shock at his words . `` d-did you actually just say that ? '' `` yes , i believe i did . '' `` i ca n't believe you sometimes . '' `` do n't try to pin me as one thing or the other . just take me as i am , '' pesh suggested . `` i 'll try . '' as they started to the elevator , megan chewed her lip with unease . turning to pesh she asked , `` what will people say if they see the two of us together ? '' `` that we 're two single people having dinner , '' he replied . `` you 're a physician , and i 'm a clinical student . could n't i get in trouble ? '' `` doctors and nurses often have dinner together on their breaks . the cafeteria is a pretty inconspicuous place for us to be alone together . if someone came upon us in one of the medicine rooms or an empty patient room , then we might have a problem . '' `` if you say so , '' she mumbled , as he punched the down button on the elevator . after they stepped on the car , pesh eyed her . `` you really are worried , are n't you ? '' `` my career means everything to me . i do n't want to do anything to jeopardize it . ''
`` then i 'll make sure we do n't sit by ourselves . '' i really appreciate that . '' as the car started its decent down , pesh threw his head back and exhaled a long breath . `` well , that was ... '' megan grinned at him . `` the good doctor seems speechless . surely in all your years in the er , you 've seen crazier or more mortifying cases . '' he cocked his head , appearing thoughtful . `` a screwdriver lodged in a rectum is probably the tamest . '' `` the tamest ? '' megan questioned incredulously , as the elevator door dinged open . pesh laughed . `` a man high on meth walking into the er with his penis in his hand is probably the craziest . '' megan 's hand swept over her mouth . `` he actually cut off his ... '' she gazed around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation . `` is the good nurse speechless ? '' he teased . she rolled her eyes at him . `` so what happened ? '' `` we got him sedated and into surgery as soon as we could . i heard they were able to sew it back on . i 'm not aware of whether or not it was ever ... fully functional again . '' `` that is crazy . '' `` i know . '' pesh handed her a food tray . as they surmised their choices , megan asked , `` was that your standard line of questioning in a situation like that ? '' `` i think we 've established that i have n't been privy to many priapism cases , but yes , any time there is an issue with the penis that is not related to the urethra or bladder , you would ask those questions . '' after the food service worker gave them both an odd look , pesh looked pointedly at her . `` why do you ask ? '' `` just to be prepared for the next time . '' `` do you want to practice your line of questioning ? you know , show me what you 've learned ? '' `` let 's get our food first , shall we ? '' after deciding that the grilled chicken salad was about the most appealing item in the food line , she grabbed a drink and some of the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies . just as she inched up to pay , pesh put his tray next to hers . he had chosen some kind of stir-fry that did n't look appetizing to megan . when she dug in her purse for her wallet , he handed a twenty to the cashier . as he took his change , she shot him a look . `` you buying my dinner does n't look very innocent , '' she hissed , as they started toward the tables . pesh shook his head with a smile . `` i highly doubt she 's keeping the gossip mill going on how dr. nadeen bought the lovely new clinical student a salad . '' `` you never know , '' megan countered . trailing pesh , she watched as he made his way over to a table filled with doctors and nurses . while the bottom half was filled with people , the top was practically empty . `` mind if we take these seats ? '' `` go right ahead , nadeen , '' a bushy haired doctor replied . `` we 're expecting a few more to join us , '' he said , before covertly winking at megan . `` you play a good game , '' she said , softly . she 'd just finished drizzling dressing over her salad when pesh said , `` ready to prove yourself ? '' `` are we really going to talk about this while we eat ? '' `` you 'll learn that most lunches and dinners are spent either reviewing cases or getting input on cases . '' `` fine then . '' putting on a professional air , she asked , `` have you taken any erectile dysfunction medication ? '' after swallowing a bite of stir-fry , he replied , `` no , never . '' `` do you have trouble obtaining an erection ? '' the twinkle returned to his eyes . `` i would think you would n't need to ask that question after our previous encounter . '' a shiver went down her spine as she remembered her core rubbing against the hardened ridge in his pants . `` considering it is unlikely that i would have any previous knowledge of the patient , just answer the question . '' he gave her a sly smile . `` no , never . '' `` do you have trouble maintaining an erection ? '' `` i could once again point out that you had personal knowledge of how well i was able to maintain myself once aroused , but i 'll refrain . instead , i 'll say no . '' `` ha , ha , nice way to get your point in . '' `` i had to try . '' she cocked her head at him , giving him a teasing smile . `` if a patient was trying to flirt as much as you are during my questioning , then i would have to remind him that i am a professional . '' then forgive me for trying to undermine your professionalism . ''
`` you 're forgiven ... for now . '' he took a long swig of his iced tea . `` you did really well back there . '' `` yes , you did . for that to be your first case on your own , you managed to keep yourself together and to give the patient the best level of diagnosis and care you could . '' she could n't help the warmth rushing to her cheeks that his compliments caused . i appreciate your confidence . '' `` i think you 're going to make an amazing nurse . i know that there will be many hospitals vying to hire you . '' `` i do n't know about that . '' `` do n't underestimate your talents . '' `` you think they would want to hire me here ? '' his brows rose in surprise . `` you would n't mind a permanent placement here ? '' `` it has n't been long , but i have been happy here . i like the people i work with . i guess i would n't want to go into the unknown when i know what i have here . '' he swallowed a bite of his rice . `` that 's understandable . '' after wiping his mouth , he smiled at her . `` i think they would be crazy not to make you an offer . '' `` i hope so . '' leaning in over his plate , he held her gaze . the intensity in which he stared at her caused her to shudder . she did n't like the effect he was having on her in the middle of the hospital cafeteria . a mixture of emotions coursed through her-warmth , safety , lust , happiness . she had n't experienced that range of feelings with a man in a long , long time . finally , he spoke . `` i know it would make me very happy to have you here , and i would do everything within my power to ensure you stayed . '' before she could reply , a tray smacked down onto the table next to her . one of the residents , a young male named dr. morris , grinned at the two of them . `` so , i hear you two just handled a priapism case . '' `` yeah , we did , '' megan replied . she did n't dare look back at pesh to gage his expression on being interrupted . dr. morris groaned . `` oh come on . give me the juicy details . i have n't gotten to see one of those yet . the best groin swelling i 've had is when some idiot tried to pierce his balls , and they got infected . '' when megan wrinkled her nose , pesh 's laughter surprised her . her gaze flew to him , and he winked . `` i told you that the conversations we had over dinner were not exactly appetizing . '' `` i 'm starting to believe you , '' she replied , with a smile . somehow she managed to devour the rest of her salad while pesh told dr. morris the ins and outs of the case . after she finished , she rose out of her chair . `` i guess i better head back . you know , with everything being so crazy . '' surprisingly , pesh did n't get up nor did he offer to walk her back . instead , she saw an acceptance on his face that told her he was letting her go so there would be no suspicion raised about the two of them . `` thank you for dinner , '' she said . `` you 're welcome , '' he replied , with a smile . his smiles were starting to do something to her that she did n't like . they were no longer igniting her panties on fire ; instead , they were making her long to spend time with him . she quickly slung her purse over her shoulder and strode out of the cafeteria . with the chaos surrounding her , she thankfully put pesh out of her mind for the rest of the evening . chapter ten after two exhausting weeks in her clinicals , megan was ready for a little randr . so she was thrilled when emma called her asking if she wanted to join her for a girl 's day . she was even more stoked when emma said that aidan was willing to keep mason , so he and noah could play together . even though she was sure her parents would have watched him , she hated imposing on them so much . an hour after the call , she was pulling into aidan and emma 's driveway . when she opened the backseat to get mason out , he was already bopping up and down in his car seat with excitement . he loved aidan and emma 's house , and he especially loved playing with noah , even though they were eleven months apart . she grabbed him and his diaper bag and then made her way up the front walk . emma answered the door with noah on her hip . `` hey , i 'm so excited you could make it . '' megan grinned . `` you should know by now i have no life except for mason and work . ''
`` i feel the same way sometimes , '' emma replied , as megan stepped through the doorway . as she walked through the foyer and down the hall to the kitchen , mason squirmed to get down . once she set him on his feet , he ran into the living room . that 's where aidan was lounging on the couch with beau on the floor next to him . `` beau ! '' mason cried . he leaned in to hug the massive lab . megan never had to worry about beau and mason ; he was truly a gentle giant when it came to infants and kids . beau thumped his tail heartily at the attention . aidan glanced up from the tv and smiled . `` hey , how are you ? '' she grinned as she reached down to kiss his cheek . `` good thanks . and you ? '' `` great . looking forward to having a man 's day with the boys . '' `` yeah , with two kids under two , let 's see how much fun you 'll have . '' aidan shrugged . `` it 's good practice for me when the new baby gets here . '' `` baby or babies ? '' she teased . with his eyes widening , he quickly replied , `` baby singular . that was confirmed , thank god . '' cocking her head , she teasingly asked , `` and when is the ultrasound to confirm the youngest fitzgerald granddaughter is on her way ? '' aidan huffed exasperatedly . `` not for a few more months , smart-ass . '' she brought her hand to her chest in mock outrage . `` it was just a question . '' `` yeah and considering you 've had a kid yourself , i 'm sure you know all too well at what month the gender ultrasound is . '' `` i just think it 's cool that i 'll be the oldest granddaughter , and she 'll be the youngest . '' with a pained expression , aidan groaned , `` whatever . '' she ruffled his still unkempt bed hair playfully . `` relax , ankle . you 're going to be an amazing father to that little girl . she 'll undoubtedly have you wrapped around her finger before she 's even out of the womb . '' `` a man like me , or i guess i should say , a man like i used to be , does not want to bring forth daughters into the world . '' `` payback is a bitch , '' she mused . `` do n't i know it , '' he grumbled . emma came into the living room then . she handed noah to aidan along with a bottle . `` you sure you 'll be all right today ? '' `` i 'll be fine-we 'll be fine . wo n't we mason ? '' mason glanced up from lumbering around the room on beau 's back . `` yeah ! '' `` see . stop worrying . '' he gave emma a very pointed look before adding , `` a promise is a promise after all . '' she flushed a little at his words , but then gave him a shy smile . when he winked playfully at her , megan could n't help feeling her chest tighten at the exchange . seeing her once man-whore uncle now a loving , devoted husband and father was always surprisingly unnerving . but deep down , it was how much she truly wanted what aidan and emma had . love , companionship , and devotion within marriage while having someone else to parent with you . if you were n't so stubborn you could probably have something just like aidan and emma have with pesh ! but no , you have to keep believing that you 're too young to get married . you 're probably throwing away happiness with both hands just because you 're afraid . emma brought her out of her self-deprecating tirade . `` so what should we do first ? '' she asked , as they walked into the garage . `` nails and toes ? '' megan suggested . `` mmm , that sounds good . '' they both slid into emma 's suv . as megan buckled up , emma turned to her . `` i hope you do n't mind that casey is meeting us for lunch ? '' `` of course not . the more the merrier . besides , casey is a hoot . '' emma smiled and cranked up the car . `` that she is . '' before long , they were pulling into starbucks to grab some coffee for megan and tea for emma . then they walked around the corner to the nail salon . after relaxing manicures and pedicures , they drove about twenty minutes to meet casey at their favorite little local restaurant that was housed in an old train depot . as they walked up , they saw casey sitting outside in the sunshine texting . `` hey girl ! '' emma called . casey waved to them before rising off the bench . `` hello , hello . '' a round of hugs was exchanged between the three women . `` i thought you two would never get here .
i 'm starving . '' they were a little behind at the nail salon . '' they pushed through the front door and were quickly seated by the hostess who knew them well . once they eased into a familiar , comfortable booth , they took stock of the menus . `` you have to order alcohol on our behalf since we 're both two knocked-up ladies now , '' casey insisted . `` i did n't know you were pregnant . '' casey grinned . `` yeah , nate finally wore me down . '' she then shook her head . `` sometimes i think he 's the chick in this relationship . '' `` he must 've done some heavy convincing , '' megan said . with a nod , casey replied , `` he comes from such a large immediate and extended family that he 's been itching to have a child . we 've been married a year and together eight , so i guess it was just time . and while i was n't thrilled with the idea of having a baby when his internship was so crazy , his hours will be better by the time the baby gets here . '' `` when are you due ? '' `` around the same time as emma . '' that statement made emma beam . `` our babies are going to be best friends , too . i just know it . '' casey grinned at the sentiment . `` or boyfriend and girlfriend ... '' `` that 's a thought . '' emma jerked her chin up . `` i 'm not sure i want your son corrupting my little girl . '' with her dark eyes widening , casey huffed , `` and what if it 's my daughter that your son is corrupting ? '' emma giggled . `` if my son takes after his father , then that would be the case . but i think we also have to consider that if your daughter is anything like you , she 'll be the one doing the corrupting . '' `` guess i should keep mason clear of her too , huh ? '' megan asked , with a smile . `` probably , '' emma replied . after the waitress appeared to take their drink and food orders , casey pinned megan with an intense stare . `` so , '' she began , quirking her brow at megan . `` i hear your doing your clinicals under dr. mcdreamy bollywood . '' megan could n't help but laugh . `` if you mean i 'm doing them under dr. nadeen , then the answer is yes . '' emma nibbled on her bottom lip before speaking . `` have things been awkward considering what happened the night of noah 's baptism ? '' before megan could reply , casey 's eyes bulged . `` whoa , whoa . hold the phone . something happened between you two ? '' megan felt heat rising in her cheeks . it was almost too mortifying to repeat , but finally , she filled casey in on each and every embarrassing detail that had happened . `` man , he 's so freakin ' honorable , is n't he ? '' casey mused . `` yes , he is , '' megan replied , glumly . `` there 's nothing wrong with his honor . it 's what attracted me to him in the first place . there are so few gentlemen left on the planet . '' before she could stop herself , megan blurted , `` but i did n't want a gentleman . i wanted to get laid . '' `` do n't we all ? '' `` just when i think your pregnancy hormones have n't made you even more sex crazed , you go and say something like that , '' she grumbled . megan twirled the straw in her diet coke thoughtfully . `` what 's bizarre is even though he should have been completely and totally turned off by what happened that night , he 's still interested in me . i mean , the man is gorgeous and has half of the women in the hospital panting over him , and he still wants me . '' `` then what 's the problem ? '' `` he 's interested in dating , not sex . '' emma 's brows furrowed . `` but would n't you have sex eventually if you were dating ? '' megan sighed . `` we 're at a stalemate-i just want straight sex without dinner and a movie , and to quote him , he wants to show me a whole new world through a date . '' `` how aladdin of him , '' casey quipped to which emma shot her an exasperated look . with a shrug , megan replied , `` basically we 're going to stay forever in the friend zone because neither one of us is willing to give in . '' `` would it really kill you to go out with the guy ? '' casey asked . megan widened her eyes in surprise . `` you mean , you of all people are actually advocating me giving in to him ? '' she jerked her thumb over at emma .
`` i 'd expect that out of her but not you . '' casey dabbed the corners of her lips with her napkin . `` it 's just a date . i do n't think he 's going to drug you and drag you to a wedding chapel . '' `` i 'd certainly hope not . '' `` so what 's wrong with having an innocent dinner and maybe a movie ? '' `` because that 's not fair to him . i 'd just be leading him on , and i think we can all agree that he does n't need that . '' `` exactly , '' emma agreed . cocking her head , casey eyed megan thoughtfully . `` deep down , you like him , do n't you ? '' `` of course i do . everyone likes him . '' `` no , you really like him . you find yourself thinking about him more than you should . and you 're kinda wishing you were n't such a stubborn ass about dating him . because even though you 'd kill to know how well he uses his wang , you 're even more intrigued about what being loved by him would be like . '' dumbfounded , megan could only stare at casey . she 'd certainly hit the nail on the head about her feelings . finally , she sighed . `` look , it 's a no-win situation . i 'm a nursing student . i ca n't get involved with a physician . it just would n't look good on my record . that 's just one of the many reasons it would n't work between us . '' you just keep telling yourself that . '' `` why do n't we talk about something else ? '' `` who 's up for a movie after we hit the mall ? '' megan chewed her lip . `` oh , i do n't know if i should be gone that long . i do n't want to take advantage of ankle 's kindness for watching mason . '' `` he wo n't mind . he 's happy to do it . '' as megan raised her brows skeptically , casey snorted . `` lem me guess , you bribed him sexually to get him to give up a perfectly good saturday watching two kids who are under two . '' a red flush entered emma 's cheeks . `` i do n't know what you 're talking about . '' `` oh em , you are so busted ! '' leaning forward , she put her elbows on the table and stared straight at emma . `` so what was it ? green lingerie ? a blow job ? maybe a b**w j*b while wearing green lingerie ? '' refusing to meet casey 's inquisitive gaze , emma finally murmured , `` it was a b**w j*b in the shower this morning , okay ? '' casey snickered . `` i knew you had done something . hmm , that was fun . it was like solving a sexual game of clue-it was emma in the shower with a blow job . '' megan brought her hands up to cover her eyes . `` umm , hello ? that 's my uncle you 're talking about . '' `` sorry , sorry . i 'll refrain from making any more comments about aidan and emma 's sex life . '' `` thank you , '' megan and emma replied in unison . `` shopping and a movie then ? '' megan reluctantly agreed . `` i 'll just blame you two if ankle gets all pissy . '' casey winked . `` just blame emma . then he can take it out on her later ... in the bedroom . '' `` i seriously hate you , '' emma grumbled . thankfully , the food arrived then and all sex-based conversation was forgotten . at least for the moment . chapter eleven brushing his hand across his sweaty brow , pesh leaned back against the glass door of the trauma area . as the adrenaline began depleting from his system , he needed to prop against something hard for support . regardless of how physically drained he felt , he was emotionally on cloud nine . a beaming smile lit up his face as he stared across the room at the gurney . on it , a young woman was getting acquainted with her newborn son . she had been brought in just twenty minutes before after a car accident sent her into early labor . the paramedics had gotten her through the roughest patches , but thankfully , they had made it to the hospital in time . because her labor was so advanced , they had n't risked getting her up to the labor and delivery floor . instead , they 'd wheeled her in , and pesh had gone to work . it really was an amazing moment considering he 'd only delivered three other babies in the history of his medical career . each one was an experience he treasured . the woman glanced up at him and smiled . `` thank you so much , dr . `` you 're very welcome . they will be taking you up to maternity in just a few minutes . ''
as he stepped out of the room , he found himself ambushed by kara , one of the shift nurses . `` hey there . how 's the good doctor doing today ? '' the way she spoke was more of a purr , which was a pretty apt summation since she basically acted like she was a cat in heat anytime he was around . he cringed as she ran her hand up his arm . `` it 's fine , thank you . how are you ? '' he questioned politely . `` i 'm better now that i 've seen you , '' she replied . `` yes , well , i need to go see about my next case . '' her heavily painted lips turned down in a pout . `` are n't you ever going to want to get a drink again ? '' in a moment of weakness when he was still reeling after what had happened with megan , he had allowed her to talk him into getting a drink after work . once turned into several times , and then he did the unthinkable . he had made out with her in his car under the faded lights of the bar 's neon sign . well , making out did n't quite sum up the fact that she had given him a blow job . although he had vowed to never let anything like that happen again , he found himself walking a fine line around her whenever they were at work . maybe . things have been really busy . '' `` i hope that you 'll free up some time . i really , really need a night out with you again . '' reaching around him , kara did the unthinkable . she squeezed one of his ass cheeks . a gasp of shock behind him caused him to whirl around . of all the people in the world that could have been standing there , it had to be megan . pesh quickly jerked out from kara 's reach . megan 's eyes bulged at the two of them before she quickly looked away . with her head ducked , she started past them . the last thing in the world he needed was for something to be awkward between them . without another word to kara , pesh turned and fell in step beside megan . `` what are you doing ? '' he shrugged . just walking with you . is that a problem ? '' glancing over her shoulder at kara , megan said , `` it looked like you were a little busy back there . '' with a grimace , he said , `` the conversation and the contact were unwanted by me . '' megan stared up at him . `` why am i not surprised by that ? '' he eyed her curiously . `` just what do you mean ? '' `` you are not the type of man who does public displays of affection ... or i should say lust . '' `` have n't we already established that you should n't try to typecast me ? i do n't fit into any of the preconceived holes you have tried to put me in . '' `` there is one hole that you remain firmly lodged in , and that is being a gentleman when it comes to women and sex . '' as much as he hated to admit it , she had a point about him being a gentleman . he touched her arm , urging her to stop . `` yes , i am a gentleman both in public and private . but let me address part of your assumption . when i am committed to a woman and she is committed to me , there is never a time i would reject public displays of affection or lust . '' megan 's lips curved up in a smile . `` so what you 're saying is you would actually grab your girlfriend 's ass in public ? '' `` yes , i would . '' glancing around , he found them happily out of anyone 's earshot . `` when i am truly committed to a woman , i have trouble keeping my hands off her regardless of where we are . '' `` that 's good to know , '' she replied , with a wink . he could n't help the silly grin that filled his face as she hurried down the hall to join up with kristi . he was making progress with her , was n't he ? surely megan had to be seeing how much she enjoyed spending time with him in the hospital and would soon decide that she wanted more . his smile started to fade as he wondered if he was deluding himself . with a resigned sigh , he made his way over to the reception bay to sign off on some charts . he eased down on a stool and immersed himself in the paperwork , so he did n't have to think about megan . `` alpesh ! '' a voice across the room shouted . he snapped his head up . without even looking over his shoulder , pesh knew who the voice belonged to . few people in his life addressed him by his full name , and no one in the hospital ever called him by his first name . slowly , he rose off his stool and turned around . his youngest brother , dev , stalked toward him with a stormy expression plastered on his face .
as the oldest of his three siblings , he had always felt a responsibility to look out for his two brothers and sister . while arjan and shveta had never given him any trouble , dev , as the spoiled baby of the family , had been a challenge for both pesh and his parents . after experiencing teenage rebellion and a wayward early adult life , he had managed to get his wild ways under control when he was twenty-five . dev had set his sights on a beautiful nurse pesh had befriended when he was still a resident . mia martinelli had been through hell with an abusive boyfriend , so pesh was reluctant to pair the two together . but at dev 's continued insistence , pesh fixed the two of them up . what followed was a three-year courtship and then engagement . mia was accepted and loved by all of pesh 's family . and then dev had gone and thrown it all away by cheating on mia . in her heartbreak , mia had stayed close to pesh , and he wanted her to be happy more than anything else in the world . pesh would have liked to have been surprised by his brother 's visit , but ever since he had been summoned to console mia a few days before , he had been anticipating it . truthfully , he had been bracing himself for his brother 's wrath . `` hello dev , '' he said , in a calm voice . shaking his head furiously , dev said , `` i just got a f**king blow off text from mia . when i tried calling her back to demand she explain herself , she could n't talk because she was in mexico . with aj . '' `` yes , i 'm aware of that . '' dev 's dark eyes narrowed at pesh 's confirmation . `` so it 's true that you went to talk to her ? '' `` yes , it is . '' `` i ca n't believe it . '' he threw up his hands in frustration . `` i did n't want to believe anything mia said , especially that it was you who helped her see that she should n't give me a second chance and take me back-that she should make things work with aj . '' `` it 's all true . you and i both know mia would never lie . '' `` but how could you ? '' dev demanded , in a strangled voice . `` i 'm sorry , but i had to do what was best for mia . '' dev 's brows shot up . `` and what about me ? i 'm your f**king blood . '' with a sigh , pesh replied , `` i 'm sorry , my brother , but blood or not , i could n't stand by and let you hurt her again-she 's been through too much . '' `` i love her ! '' dev shouted , which caused several of the nurses to spin around in shock . `` this is not the time nor the place to be having this discussion , '' pesh growled . `` i 'm not going anywhere , so you better start explaining yourself before i really start a scene . '' you want the truth ? here is it . you only think you love mia . you and i both know you can not be faithful to a woman . '' `` i could have for mia . '' `` you already failed her once . she deserved better . '' dev narrowed his eyes . `` what , are you f**king her now ? '' he grimaced at his brother 's choice of harsh words . `` of course i 'm not . there 's never been anything amorous between mia and myself . thankfully , she 's back with the man she loves-the father of her unborn child . '' `` but i need her , '' dev insisted , his voice taking on a plaintive tone . `` i 'm sorry , but i think it 's best if you moved on . most of all , baby brother , i think you need to do a lot of soul searching and maturing before you even think about getting in another relationship . '' dev 's eyes widened . `` you ... you f**king bastard ! '' he shouted . pesh was debating calling security to remove his unruly brother when he was knocked off his stool by dev 's right hook to his jaw . he tumbled backward and crashed onto the floor . before dev could do something like kick him when he was down , megan appeared and wedged herself between them . `` i think you better leave before i call security , '' she demanded . pesh struggled to his feet as megan came into dev 's line of fire . he could n't bear if dev hurt her in his anger just because she had taken up for him . dev stared down at megan with a smirk . `` so my brother needs some pint-sized pu**y defending him now ? word to the wise , sweetheart , do n't waste your time on him . he 's only got a boner for his dead wife . '' a deep growl erupted in pesh 's throat as he lunged for his brother .
but he never made it . instead , megan 's fist cracked into dev 's jaw . the impact did n't take him off his feet , but he did stagger backwards . even as she flailed her wrist back and forth from the obvious pain , megan still managed to bellow , `` get the hell out of here . now . '' dev stared at her in shock as he rubbed his jaw . `` crazy bitch , '' he muttered , before stalking off . when megan turned to him , her glowering expression faded to one of concern . `` you 're bleeding ! '' she cried , rushing for him . his hand came up to grip his cheek . surprise flooded him when he felt wetness . dev must 've hit him harder than he thought . he slid his jaw back and forth , causing him to grimace at the popping sound . `` come here , '' megan said , grabbing his hand . she started leading him over to one of the examining rooms , but he jerked back . `` i do n't need all this fuss . '' `` we need to get you cleaned up . '' resignedly , he followed her into the room . for the first time in a long time , he found himself on the opposite line of care . he eased down onto the examining table . `` really , megan , this is n't necessary . '' as she busied herself taking out gauze , cotton balls , and antiseptic , she replied , `` quit your bitchin ' . '' she glanced over her shoulder at him . at what must have been his incredulous expression at her word choice , she grinned . `` that 's right . just shut up and let me take care of you . '' `` when you put it like that , how can i not ? '' her laughter warmed his heart . deep down , he was pleased to find her so attentive to him . she obviously really cared about him if she insisted on cleaning him up . or was she just attentive because she was a great nurse ? but then there was the fact she punched dev for insulting him . of course , that was also mortifying . did that mean she questioned his manhood since he did n't go toe-to-toe with his brother ? god , what she must think of him now . as he allowed megan to treat his cuts , his thoughts turned to dev 's last verbal punch . he grimaced about dev 's alluding to the fact he was in love with a ghost . was that what stopped megan from believing his attraction to her ? was she really hiding her commitment phobia behind a belief that he was still completely in love with his wife ? his feelings gave him away when megan asked , `` are you hurting ? '' `` no , i 'm fine . '' when she gave him a skeptical look , he replied , `` it 's more the fact that i 'm angry than i am physically hurt . '' `` so what exactly was all that about ? '' she asked , as she dabbed some antiseptic along his jawline . he winced when the medication hit the broken skin . `` my brother is angry with me . '' `` no shit . '' she held the cotton ball frozen as she eyed him curiously . `` what i 'm wondering is what got him so fired up that he would stomp into a hospital , call you out , and then punch you ? you are the last person on earth i would imagine being in a fight . '' `` the reason is so cliche , '' he murmured . `` enlighten me , '' she urged . `` he 's a petulant child who did n't get his way-he 's lashing out at me because he thinks it 's all my fault . '' `` i heard the name mia . was it all about a woman ? '' `` yes , that 's why i called it cliche . '' he sucked in a harsh breath before filling megan in about what all had transpired between him , dev , and mia . `` wow , '' she murmured , when he finished . `` i suppose that is all one can say about the situation . '' `` you were awfully kind to take care of her like you did-i mean , with both her abusive ex-boyfriend and dev . '' `` what else was i supposed to do ? i cared for her , and i wanted to see her happy . '' at the look that flashed in megan 's eyes , he quickly added , `` there was no amorous love between us . i was happily married at the time , and she desperately needed someone to be strong for her . '' megan cupped his unhurt cheek in her hand . `` you really are the most decent man i 've ever known . '' `` i do n't know about that , '' he murmured . `` you truly are . '' `` no wonder women are so crazy about you .
it 's one thing for you to be so good-looking and a smart doctor , but then when you add in the fact of how sweet , caring , and compassionate you are , it 's like you 're a triple threat . '' she turned to throw the cotton ball into the trash can . his heartbeat thrummed louder and louder at her words while he sat unblinking and unmoving . part of him wanted to rail at her for not seeing him like all the other women did . if she truly saw what others did , then she would want to date him , would n't she ? why could n't she see how good he could be for her ? when megan met his tense gaze , she jerked back and momentarily faltered by dropping the piece of gauze in her hand . she quickly deposited the soiled one in the trash and then got another one . `` so this mia chick , she 's run off with some drummer , huh ? '' she asked , clearly trying to change the subject and lighten the mood in the room . `` not just any drummer . a famous one at that . '' what band ? '' pesh 's cocked his head as he tried remembering . `` something train . '' megan gasped . `` not runaway train ? '' he snapped his fingers . `` that 's it . '' clapping her hand to her chest , megan 's eyes widened . `` you know someone who knows aj resendiz ? '' `` i suppose i do if you consider that 's mia 's fiance . '' `` that is so wild . i love that band . '' `` i 'll see if i can get you an autograph . '' with a squeal , megan said , `` really ? that would be amazing . '' `` anything for the woman who is willing to risk her life for me . '' `` it was nothing . '' `` what about your hand ? '' `` i 'm not going to lie . it hurts . i kinda forgot what punching someone felt like . '' pesh could n't help his brows from rising in surprise . `` have you done a lot of fighting ? '' she grinned . `` not exactly mma material , am i ? '' when he merely shook his head , she replied , `` i may have thrown a few punches in my early college partying days when a guy overstepped his bounds . '' with a smile , pesh said , `` good for you . '' `` yeah , my dad was really big on teaching me self-defense moves . you know , with him being ex-military . '' pesh could n't help liking megan 's strength and spunk . he had n't known a lot of women like her . in his world , women were bred to be demure and obedient . even though jade was n't indian , she would 've never dreamed of throwing a punch to defend him against dev . but megan , she was so refreshing with her ability to stand up for herself and others-to voice her mind whether it was good or bad . `` you would have made your father very proud today . '' i 'm sure later on today when my knuckles are bruising , he 'll want to know why . '' `` i 'm very sorry . '' he took her hand in his before bringing it to his lips . `` here 's a kiss to make any bruises go away . '' she gave him a teasing smile . `` is that the best medicine you can do , dr . his mind went wild with illicit images of all the `` medicine '' and `` healing '' he could give her . a chaste kiss to alleviate her pain was all he could really offer . his pager went off before he could reply . `` i better go . '' he hopped off the table and started for the door . as his hand hovered over the doorknob , there were so many things he wanted to say to her . but finally , he just said , `` thanks again for taking care of me . '' `` and you should probably ice your hand during your break tonight . '' `` yes sir , '' she replied , with a mock salute . he shook his head at her with a smile before heading out the door . chapter twelve days melted into weeks as megan immersed herself in her clinicals . every day she found a new challenge to conquer . she had n't imagined how hard it would be , or how exhausted she would be most nights when she crawled into bed . but it was a thrilling exhaustion because she was doing what she felt like she was called to do . each day , she spent more and more time with pesh . she loved working beside him on cases . he had the best bedside manner of all the residents and interns . patients , both young and old , adored him . and the more she was with him , the more megan began to adore him as well . she had just left an examining room where he had charmed a little boy into finally letting them run the tests they needed when kristi beckoned her from down the hall . after hustling to join kristi , megan was quickly ushered inside one of the trauma rooms .
immediately , her entire body switched gears as she prepared herself for what she might face . `` female , thirty , car accident , '' the paramedic began before rattling off her vitals and other information . after megan had absorbed the information , she turned to the patient . `` hi , i 'm megan . i 'm going to get your iv started . '' the woman gave megan a weak smile . `` i 'm mary . '' `` i guess it would be wrong to say it 's nice to meet you , huh ? '' megan said , trying to talk as normally as she could to put the patient at ease . `` yeah , i guess so , '' mary replied . when megan reached for mary 's arm to find a place for the needle , mary winced . `` ouch . '' as megan surveyed the forearm , she shook her head . `` looks like you 've got a break there . '' `` my arm is broken ? '' mary asked in a panic . `` we wo n't know until we get you into x-ray . i 'm going to try this vein here in your wrist . '' the needle slipped easily into the vein , and megan started the iv . pesh appeared in the doorway then . he smiled at mary on the gurney . `` hello , mary , i 'm dr. nadeen . i understand you had a little accident today ? '' `` this car came out of nowhere and hit me head on . '' why do n't we start by you telling me where it hurts ? '' `` my chest , '' she said , with a grimace . pesh pulled back the hospital gown . `` were you wearing your seat belt ? '' `` yes , i always do . '' `` from the dust in your hair , can i assume the airbag deployed ? '' `` yeah , it did . '' `` is this where it hurts ? '' he asked , running his fingers down an angry red whelp . it started at her neck and crossed over her chest . some of it was hidden by the many leads coming from the heart monitor . `` it looks like the seat belt and the airbag did a number on you . '' mary winced . `` i thought they were supposed to help you , not hurt you . '' `` trust me . you 're much better off with a little burn than if you had n't been wearing it . '' after eyeing the monitors mary was hooked up to , he turned to megan . `` blood pressure is low . let 's administer some blood products to raise it . '' after checking mary 's chart for her blood type , she grabbed a bag of blood from the coolers . trading places with pesh , she started another iv in the crook of mary 's right elbow . `` besides your chest , are you hurting anywhere else ? '' pesh asked , after he finished listening to her heart and lungs . `` my stomach . '' megan 's breath hitched . it was never good for a car accident patient to have stomach pains . that usually meant hemorrhaging , which could also attribute the low blood pressure . pressing on mary 's abdomen , pesh asked , `` does this hurt ? '' `` no . '' `` here ? '' `` what about here ? '' a screech came from the bed . pesh 's brows drew with worry . `` i 'm going to do a quick ultrasound , mary . i want to see what 's causing the pain . '' megan pulled the machine over to the bedside . she squirted the jelly onto mary 's stomach , and then pesh began running the wand over the skin . `` i 'm feeling a little dizzy , too , '' mary said , in a low voice . pesh and megan exchanged a quick look before he shoved the ultrasound machine back . turning to kristi , he said , `` call the or . she 's got a ruptured spleen . '' after depressing the break on the gurney , pesh swung it out of the trauma room and started down the hall . `` go with him , '' kristi instructed , as she held onto the phone . megan jogged down the hall to catch up with pesh . he smacked the buttons on the elevator before glancing down at mary . `` stay with me , okay ? we 're going to get you into surgery , and then you 'll be good as new . '' without hesitation , pesh replied , `` yes , but you have to stay with me . '' the elevator 's doors slid open . as megan helped pesh push the gurney inside , mary asked , `` did you turn on more lights ? '' megan creased her brows in worry as she glanced over to pesh . `` we 're getting in the elevator to take you to the or for surgery , '' she replied . `` but it 's so bright , '' mary whispered before closing her eyes .
her head lolled to the side just as the alarms on the monitors began screeching in megan 's ears . `` dammit , she 's crashing ! '' pesh cried . ice-cold fear pricked its way from the top of megan 's head all the way down her body . a patient was crashing in the elevator without the crash cart . what the hell were they supposed to do ? `` lower the gurney , '' pesh ordered . megan 's jerky hands fumbled with the lever . once it was flat , pesh brought his hands to mary 's chest and began compressions . without having to be told , megan leaned down , pinched mary 's nose , and began breathing into her mouth . they worked in perfect synchronization . `` stay with me , mary ! '' pesh barked , as his hands pumped in a manic pace up and down on mary 's chest . glancing up from her breathing , megan eyed the monitors . `` no pulse . '' when pesh did n't respond , she continued doing breathing cycles . at the taste of something warm meeting her lips , she jerked back . blood oozed out of mary 's mouth . `` there 's more damage than the spleen . she 's bleeding from the mouth . '' pesh did n't even acknowledge her comment . `` the seat belt and airbag could have caused an aortic tear as well . there 's nothing we can do . '' instead , he kept right on with his compressions . the elevator doors opened , and megan met the expectant faces of the surgical team . when one doctor stepped forward , she shook her head . `` she 's gone . '' pesh growled across from her . `` no , she is n't . we have to keep trying . get a cart in here . '' the doctor eyed the stats on the monitors . `` i do n't think it will help . '' jerking his head up from mary , pesh snarled , `` get the f**king cart ! '' as one of the nurses scrambled away , two others pulled the gurney from the elevator . megan stood back , feeling helpless as to what to do . once the cart arrived , pesh ripped open mary 's gown . `` charging 260 joules . '' he rubbed the paddles together . `` clear ! '' mary 's chest jolted off the gurney with the force of the electricity . megan did n't need to look at the monitors . the heart stayed in a flat line . `` charging 360 joules . '' megan closed her eyes when pesh administered the second shock . `` dammit , jade , do n't do this ! try for me ! '' megan could n't hold back the gasp that escaped her at pesh calling mary by his late wife 's name . before pesh could do another charge , one of the surgeon 's stepped forward . after he removed his mask , he put his hand on pesh 's back . `` calling time of death . '' defeated , pesh dropped his head . slowly , he eased back from the gurney . a nurse took the paddles from him and put them back on the cart . `` i 'll go notify the family , '' pesh murmured . the surgeon shook his head and stared pointedly at megan . `` get a resident to do that . nadeen , you go take a breather , buddy . '' `` they deserve to speak to the doctor who was with her when she died . '' `` you do n't need to do this . '' pesh slung away from the surgeon and started for the elevator . megan knew there was no point in arguing with him or trying to get one of the residents to take his place . she did n't know if she should try to go to him or not . she regretted her decision when he turned to face her in the elevator . his expression was agonizingly broken . as the doors closed , her heart ached for him . she knew any doctor hated to lose a patient , especially a young one , but this went far deeper than that . from his behavior , megan knew that mary 's death had exposed a raw nerve in pesh-one that after two years still had n't healed . somehow he had seen his wife in mary , and once again , he was n't able to save her . after she had escorted mary 's body back upstairs to wait on the funeral home , megan went in search of pesh . she could n't find him in any of the exam rooms , nor was he in the doctors ' lounge or break room . finally , she went to kristi for answers . `` did you see where dr. nadeen went ? '' kristi gave her a sad smile . `` you 'll probably find him on the roof . '' megan 's brows shot up in surprise . `` the roof ? '' kristi nodded .
`` whenever he has a really bad day about his wife- '' she sucked in a breath when she realized she might have said too much . at the thought of pesh 's grief , megan 's chest tightened in agony . he was too good of a man to have to suffer like he did . `` so he goes up to the roof ? '' megan finished for kristi . `` he likes to be alone to clear his head . although none of us would say anything , he usually ends up pulling another shift to make up for the time he was gone . '' of course pesh would do something like that . he was honorable every moment of his life , even after those of immense grief . even though she knew he probably wanted and needed to be alone , megan wanted to check on him . she could n't bear the thoughts of him suffering so much . `` um , if it 's okay , i think i 'll go ahead and take my dinner break . '' kristi gave her a knowing look before nodding . `` sure , honey . go right ahead . '' megan smiled before brushing past kristi . she bypassed the break room where her purse was . instead , she kept going . after a brisk walk down the hall , she got to the authorized personnel only stairwell . she did n't dare use the elevator shaft where trauma patients were brought in from being airlifted . without hesitation , megan swiped her access card . when the lock clicked , she flung the door open and started up the flights of stairs . she was winded when she reached the top . cautiously , her hand hovered over the doorknob . she could n't help wondering what she might find on the other side . would pesh be an emotional mess ? would he be angry that she had interrupted his private grieving ? shaking the thoughts from her head , she flung open the door . as she stepped onto the roof , the air grew cooler . a breeze rippled her scrubs . her gaze spun around frantically until she found him . pesh stood at the edge of the roof . his usual ramrod straight posture was slumped , his broad shoulders drawn in . although she could n't see his face , his gaze seemed fixed straight ahead into the night sky . to add insult to injury , clouds blotted out the stars , cloaking everything in darkness . tentatively , she started over to him . `` hey , '' she said softly . he whirled around in surprise . her heart clenched at the sight of the tears sparkling in his eyes . even in the darkness , she could see a blood-red flush entering his cheeks . his hands quickly came up to swipe away the moisture from his eyes . `` hello , '' he finally replied in a hoarse whisper . they stood in an awkward silence , staring each other down . finally , megan took a step forward to close the gap between them . `` how did you know i was up here ? '' `` kristi told me . '' `` hmm . '' unable to stop herself , she reached out to touch his arm . `` i 'm so sorry , pesh . '' `` it is n't necessary . '' `` yes , it is . you 're in pain ... you 've been in pain . i ca n't help but feel sorry for what you 're going through . '' his usually warm eyes took on a cold look . `` you were in that elevator , too . you have every right to be emotional . maybe you should be more concerned with why you are n't weeping . '' `` do n't , '' she murmured . `` do n't what ? '' `` do n't try to mask your pain by being someone you 're not or by pointing fingers at others . that is n't you , and you ca n't fool me . '' with a ragged sigh , pesh jerked his hand through his dark , wavy hair . that was completely uncalled for . '' `` it 's okay . '' `` no , it's- '' she silenced him by bringing her hand up to cover his lips . when she pulled her hand away , he sighed . `` talk to me , '' megan pleaded . the clouds above them opened up , causing a slight drizzle to fall . `` the death of a patient is never easy . any doctor of worth , or nurse for that matter , must possess compassion . then it is inevitable that the same compassion you possess will come back to haunt you-it may even cripple you . when death comes , you ca n't help feeling for the life that has been lost and for the family members left behind . '' his voice choked off , and megan drew herself even closer to him . she knew that his last statement held personal meaning for him . `` what exactly happened to your wife ? '' she questioned softly . pesh 's eyes closed . `` jade had an undiagnosed clotting condition . she was adopted , so she did n't know anything really about her family history . she 'd always been in perfect health-she rarely even went to the doctor with the sniffles .
and after we 'd been married for three years , we decided it was time to have a baby . '' when pesh remained silent , megan tentatively asked , `` did she die in childbirth ? '' `` no , we never got that far . we tried for over a year to get pregnant on our own , and it did n't happen . so we were recommended to a fertility clinic . once the iui process did n't work , we started ivf . '' a ragged sigh came from deep in his chest . `` the whole process was physically trying and then emotionally gutting for both of us , but especially for jade . '' he met her gaze . `` she blamed herself since the testing revealed that everything was fine with me . although we were labeled as 'non-specific infertility , ' she felt that it was all her fault . '' `` bless her heart , '' megan murmured , as her heart went out to a woman she 'd never met . getting pregnant had been so easy for her . although mason was n't necessarily expected , he had never been unwanted in her eyes . but she knew what infertility did to a woman when she saw it ravage her father 's sister . although her aunt was now the happy and doting mother of two adopted girls , she knew the emotional toil not getting pregnant had taken . megan , herself , had once been the recipient of her aunt 's childless pain when she had announced her pregnancy with mason . still without answers as to how jade had died , megan pressed pesh for more . `` so what happened with the ivf ? '' `` she got pregnant on the first transfer only to miscarry three weeks later . we had just been through another transfer when she died . '' pesh 's adam 's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard . megan could only imagine he was trying to keep his emotions in check . finally , he spoke again . `` she had an embolism most likely brought on by the fertility medication . i was in the kitchen making breakfast when i heard a crash in the bedroom . '' tears pooled in his eyes . `` when i called her name and she did n't answer , i ran back to her . she was crumpled on the bedroom floor . after calling 911 , i did cpr over and over again , but i could never revive her . '' `` oh pesh , '' megan murmured . the weight of his pain was so heavy that even she found it hard to breathe . without looking at her , he continued staring straight ahead . `` from what the medical examiner said , i have some peace in knowing she did n't suffer-that she went quickly without any fear or pain . one minute she was getting ready for work , and the next she was gone . '' `` it 's true that there is some peace , especially the fact she did n't know she was going to die . sometimes i ca n't imagine what it must be like for terminal patients . '' she shuddered . `` when you wonder if every day is your last , when you have to think about all you 're going to miss . '' `` yes , that is true , '' he said , in a hushed whisper . when he finally turned to look at her , he gave her a sad smile . `` it 's been two years . every time i think i 've moved on , that i 've been able to compartmentalize my grief , a case comes through that brings me to my knees . '' `` i 'm so sorry , '' megan murmured , bringing her hand up to cup his cheek . he leaned his face into her hand . his head bowed until their foreheads met . `` you have to remember that no matter what happened to your wife , and to mary , it was n't your fault . you were n't responsible . you need to keep living . you 're alive . '' tilting her head up , she gazed into his dark brown eyes . `` you 're alive , '' she repeated . the rain began to fall harder . her eyelids fluttered to keep the moisture out of her eyes as she gazed up at him . his mouth hovered next to hers , his breath warming her cheek . she could barely breathe in that moment . it was like every molecule in her body was pulsing with need . silently , she pleaded with her eyes for him to kiss her . and then , after what felt like an eternity , he slid his lips over hers . it was n't the first time she had kissed him-it was just the first time she was sober and had kissed him . now her senses were heightened , and she could experience exactly what she was feeling . his lips were tender and soft at first , and then they switched over to desperate and demanding . it was like he was breathing her in with every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue as if to prove to himself that he truly was alive . his tongue danced along hers , causing her to moan .
he brought his hands up to cup her face while her arms went around his chest , pulling him closer to her . drops of rain pelted her head and ran down her cheeks while pesh 's white coat grew moist as she ran her hands up and down his back . she realized , in a dizzying flurry , that no man had ever kissed her like this before . this was like lovemaking with their mouths , and she never wanted it to end . when pesh finally tore his lips from hers , megan 's breaths came in heaving pants . her eyes opened to stare up at him . his expression turned from lust to anguish . `` i 'm sorry . '' `` pesh , you don't- '' he held up his hand . `` please , just go . '' he turned away from her , wrapping his arms around his chest . torn , megan did n't know if she should argue with him and stay or leave . `` please , '' he whispered . with her heart still beating wildly from their passionate lip-lock , she turned and fled . as she pounded back down the stairs , her emotions yo-yoed to where she felt like a watch that had been wound too tight . after bursting back through the door , kristi met her in the hallway . her eyes widened at megan 's appearance . `` i , uh , i went outside on my dinner break , and it started raining , '' megan lied . `` next time you 'll have to remember your umbrella , '' kristi replied . `` yeah , i will . '' `` why do n't you go to the break room ? there 's a hair dryer under the sink . when you finish drying off , i could really use you in the supply closet doing inventory . seems like we always almost run out of everything at once . '' i can do that . '' as megan turned to go down the hallway , kristi reached out and grabbed her arm . `` is he okay ? '' megan bit down on her lip to keep a hysterical laugh from escaping . was pesh okay ? was she okay ? who the hell knew ? one minute he 'd been weeping about his wife and losing a patient , and the next he 'd been liquid passion dripping on her lips . regardless of his emotional whiplash , she 'd experienced the same . she now found herself wanting more of his kisses when she should n't . but it was n't just the kiss she wanted-she wanted all of him and not just for sex . `` no , he 's not . i guess he 's just trying to accept the loss , both past and present , as best he can , '' she finally replied . kristi nodded in acknowledgement . when megan felt she was free from any more questioning , she hurried down the hall to the break room . thankfully , she found it empty . after grabbing a brush from her purse , she went to the sink to grab the hair dryer . gazing at her reflection in the mirror , she looked a bedraggled mess . she was practically washed out except for her lips . they were swollen and bright red from pesh 's kisses . her finger came up to trace her bottom lip . as memories of his kisses filled her mind , she tried desperately to think of anything else . in the end , she had gone up to the roof to somehow save pesh , and instead , she had lost herself to him and his emotions . chapter thirteen pesh regretfully watched megan 's retreating form . he cursed under his breath as she disappeared into the stairwell . what was his problem ? the woman had been merely comforting him , and he had allowed his libido to take over . he had promised her he would keep his distance . regardless of the flirting and easy banter between them , he had kept things professional . now she probably felt trapped and harassed by him . she tried to talk to him about it , and he 'd dismissed her . he paced around the rooftop as the rain that had soaked him to the bone began to dissipate . his mind was a jangled mess of thoughts and emotions . one voice argued over and over that megan had wanted him to kiss her-that the look in her eyes told the truth . but pesh worried that in his agony he had misread the signals she may or may not have been giving . in the end , he 'd made a terrible situation even worse by not being able to control his feelings for megan . with a frustrated grunt , he realized he had to make things right with her . he needed to apologize . casting one last look out over the horizon , he then turned and started for the stairwell . after pounding downstairs , he searched the hallway for any signs of megan . when he spotted kristi , he was surprised not to see megan with her . `` where 's megan ? '' `` oh , since we 're kinda slow tonight , i asked her to go work in the storage closet . we 're behind on inventory and cataloguing . '' kristi eyed him up and down before shaking her head .
`` you 're drenched . '' `` it 's raining outside . '' `` so i 've heard , '' she said knowingly . `` what does that mean ? '' she waved her hand . why do n't you do us both a favor and go get out of those wet clothes ? the last thing we need is you coming down with something . '' pesh knew it was fruitless to argue with her . instead , he tucked his tail between his legs and made his way to the doctors ' lounge . he took a clean pair of pants and shirt out of his locker . after he slid on a new white coat , he strode down the hall to the medicine closet . after swiping his key card , he entered the room . when he closed the door behind him , megan turned around , gazing expectantly at him . now that he was in front of her , he did n't know exactly what to say . he had been on an emotional overload on the roof , and things had escalated far too quickly . `` look , i just want to say how very sorry i am about kissing you . '' `` well i 'm not , '' she replied matter-of-factly . pesh 's neck snapped back in shock . her response was n't what he was expecting at all . he had imagined she might be relieved or even embarrassed , but he had n't imagined that she would be unregretful . he cleared his throat . `` regardless , i should n't have done it . i was in an emotionally vulnerable position , and you were merely trying to comfort me . nothing more . '' his words were more for his own good than hers . `` just because i was comforting you , does n't mean i did n't want you to kiss me . that i still do n't want to kiss you again . '' his brows furrowed in confusion . `` but you- '' `` pesh , i 've wanted you since the night of noah 's baptism . but you shot me down then , and you still do . '' although his heart wanted to soar at her admission of wanting him , the reality of her words caused his chest to clench instead . `` sexually . you only want me sexually . '' he should have been flattered that a young , sexy woman like megan desired him . but he was n't . half of the women in the hospital would be willing for him to drag them to an empty patient 's room for a quick and dirty screw . but that 's not who he was . he had never been that way with women , and he did n't see how it could be possible to change . all he wanted was for her to really see him and how good he could be for her . how good they would be for each other . he thought that was what she was feeling in the moments before and after he kissed her . but now it seemed it was once again only lust . although it was probably pointless , he could n't help putting everything out there once again . `` but when we were up on the roof , there was n't a moment where you wanted more from me than just sex ? '' he licked his lips and took a step toward her . `` just a second where you could imagine your life with me in it ? '' megan stared at him , her expression contemplative . for a brief moment , pesh thought by her hesitation that she had changed her mind about him . but then she shook her head . `` how many times are you going to make me hurt you with this ? you 're too good for me , pesh . we both know that . i 'll remind you again of some of the reasons i 'm not the one for you . i 'm twenty-five , and you 're thirty-seven . you want a wife , and i 'm not ready to be married . '' her words cut into his chest the same as if she had taken a sharp blade to him . she may have had to repeat herself this time , but he realized the finality of her words . and then an idea hit him so hard that he shuddered-a true light bulb moment and epiphany . there was only one way he was going to get to have his sweet megan , and that was if he gave in to her . he would have to become someone else for her , even if it was just for a little while . he could distract her with sex that she both desired and demanded , but at the same time , he would make her fall in love with him . it could work . it had to . cocking his head at her , he questioned , `` so let me get this straight once and for all . you would let me ... '' he paused , fighting the conflict within himself to say what he needed to . he drew in a ragged breath . `` you would let me f**k you but not love you ? '' her eyes widened at his word choice . `` what 's gotten into you ? ''

Dataset Card for "bookcorpus_compact_1024"

Num samples: 616,051

The number of tokens for each sequence is not exactly 1024, but all slightly shorter than 1024. The sequences were built by merging sentences to the maximal length shorter than 1024 tokens. Therefore, padding is necessary for batch processing.

import time
from typing import List

from datasets import load_dataset, Dataset
from tqdm import tqdm
from transformers import AutoTokenizer


def batch_tokenize(texts: List[str], tokenizer, batch_size=1000):
    start = time.time()
    """Tokenize the texts in batch"""
    assert tokenizer.is_fast, "tokenizer must be fast tokenizer"
    tokenized_texts = []
    for i in tqdm(range(0, len(texts), batch_size)):
        batch = texts[i:i + batch_size]
        batch_encoding = tokenizer(batch)
        tokenized_texts.extend(batch_encoding["input_ids"])
    print(f"batch_tokenize time with bs={batch_size}: {time.time() - start}")
    return tokenized_texts


class CompactText:
    def __init__(self, tokenizer="gpt2", split="test", block_size=512):

        self.block_size = block_size
        self.tokenizer = AutoTokenizer.from_pretrained(tokenizer)

    def compact_load(self, dataset_name: str, split: str):
        dataset = load_dataset(dataset_name)[split]

        batch_encoding = batch_tokenize(dataset["text"], self.tokenizer, batch_size=10000)
        compact_texts = []
        texts = dataset["text"]

        total_num_tok = 0
        tracker = []
        i = 0
        for j in tqdm(range(len(batch_encoding))):
            total_num_tok += len(batch_encoding[j])
            if total_num_tok >= self.block_size:
                batch_sents = texts[i:j]
                big_sent = " ".join(batch_sents)
                compact_texts.append(big_sent)
                tracker.append((i, j))
                i = j
                total_num_tok = 0
                print(tracker)
        # self.examples = compact_texts
        compact_ds = Dataset.from_dict({"text": compact_texts})
        return compact_ds


if __name__ == '__main__':
    import argparse

    parser = argparse.ArgumentParser()
    parser.add_argument("-b", "--block-size", type=int, default=512)
    args = parser.parse_args()
    compactifier = CompactText(block_size=args.block_size)
    dataset = compactifier.compact_load(dataset_name="saibo/bookcorpus_deduplicated", split="train")
    dataset.push_to_hub(f"saibo/bookcorpus_compact_{args.block_size}")

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