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while they were away , angie was in charge of both mason and the puppy , who mason had aptly named beau two after his first love , beau . megan could imagine her mother was fit to be tied with her rugs being christened by puppy piss . `` okay , you better go to bed now . mommy and i miss you very , very much . we 're bringing you lots of presents home . '' at mason 's reply , tears shimmered in pesh 's eyes . `` i love you , too , buddy , '' he replied , in a choked voice . `` say goodnight to mommy , '' he replied , thrusting the phone at megan . a sheepish expression came over pesh 's face as he ground the moisture from his eyes with his fists . megan took the phone . `` night , night , mommy ! '' mason called . `` night , night , baby . you have sweet dreams , and i 'll talk to you tomorrow . '' wuv you ! '' after megan hung up , she still cradled the phone to her ear as if by doing that , she was able to have mason a little closer . pesh 's hand came to rest on hers . `` he 's something , is n't he ? '' `` yes , he is , '' she murmured . `` i know it makes me a complete pansy , but every time he tells me he loves , i ca n't help but cry . '' putting her phone back on the nightstand , megan eased herself over onto pesh 's lap . `` do n't you ever worry that i think you 're a pansy because of what you feel for mason . it makes me love you even more . '' brushing her hand across his cheek , she added , `` a man who is n't afraid of showing his emotions or his vulnerability is very sexy . '' `` mmm , i do . '' `` i 'm glad to hear you say that . '' `` where were we ? '' glancing down at his crotch , pesh said , `` i think we 're starting over from my perspective . '' megan 's hand went to cup his now deflated erection . she rubbed him over the boxers before dipping her hand inside to grip him . pesh hissed in a breath . his head fell back against the headboard as she started stroking his growing length . sliding down his body , she brought her hand to his lap and took him into her mouth . her tongue teasingly flicked across the tip . pesh 's hand came to tangle in her hair . she did leisurely strokes up and down his length before bringing him into her mouth . as she began bobbing up and down , pesh 's groans echoed through the room . as she cut her gaze up to him , he glanced down at her with hooded eyes . `` so good , baby . so , so good , '' he murmured . when he started tensing up , she let him fall free of her mouth . `` i want you to come inside me , '' she said , as she climbed up his body . rising up on her knees , she brought pesh 's hands to the elastic band of her underwear . he tore them off her h*ps and down her thighs . somehow she managed to get them off and toss them to the floor beside the bed . leaving on the bustier , she guided his erection to her core . slowly , she eased down on him , inch by inch . when he was balls deep inside her , she sat back on his thighs . raising her knees , she placed both her feet flat on the mattress . from this position , she was giving pesh quite the view as she rose on and off of him . as the pressure began building inside her , the more frantic her movements became . harder and harder she bounced , the sound of skin slapping along with grunts and panting echoing through the room . when pesh 's fingers came to tease her clit , she came undone , crying out and collapsing onto his chest . he continued raising his h*ps to pump into her until he came a few moments later . brushing the hair out of her face , pesh stared up at megan with a satisfied expression . she brought her lips to his for a gentle kiss . `` i love you , mr . `` do you ? '' `` i love you and your talented fingers and dick , all of who give me wonderful orgasms . '' he barked out a laugh . `` i 've married such a naughty girl , have n't i ? '' `` yes , you have . '' `` i would n't have you any other way , my love . '' megan smiled as he slid free of her body . easing her onto her side , pesh spooned up behind her , nuzzling his face in her neck . `` rest now , '' he said , drowsily . `` yes , you need your rest . i 'm going to want more of you in a little while . '' his chuckle made her tingle with love and lust .

with the feel of his arm wrapped around her , megan let her drooping eyes close and drifted off to a contented sleep . chapter twenty-three as they sat outside the courtroom waiting to be called in , megan adjusted mason 's blue and white striped tie for the hundredth time . `` mommy , no , '' he pleaded . she snatched her hands away . `` i 'm sorry , sweetheart . i 'll leave you alone . '' `` tank you , '' he replied , going back to his game on his tablet . the truth was her nervous hands needed to be doing something . sensing her need , pesh reached over and took her hands in his . `` relax . everything is going to be fine . '' megan wanted to believe him , but she could n't help feeling anxious . she would n't be able to calm down until the ink had dried on the paperwork . her feet , encased in black heels , tapped anxiously on the floor . the clattering noise echoed around the atrium . as she glanced between pesh and mason , megan had to smile . the two men in her life looked almost identical today in their navy suits and ties . of course mason 's was considerably smaller than pesh 's . when the door opened and a clerk poked her head out the door , megan 's heartbeat started thrumming faster and faster . `` megan nadeen ? '' she shot off the bench . `` that 's us . i mean , i 'm megan nadeen . '' the clerk smiled . `` you guys can come in now . '' taking a deep breath , megan reached for mason 's hand . `` this is it , baby . '' he grinned and then glanced up at pesh . `` you be my daddy now ? '' `` yes , i 'm going to be your daddy for real now . '' they walked through the massive doors of the courtroom . the judge , in his ominous black robe , gazed down at them from his bench . `` good morning , '' he said , politely . `` g-good morning , '' megan stammered . `` i understand that we 're here today to petition for the adoption of the minor child , mason patrick mckenzie ? '' `` yes , '' megan and pesh replied . `` first , we need to swear you all in , '' the judge said . megan went through the motions of the procedure , trying desperately to calm her nerves . when pesh had first broached the subject of formally adopting mason , she initially had been thrilled and honored . but then she had to worry about whether davis would allow pesh to adopt mason or not . although he still had nothing to do with his son , davis had n't shown a lot of enthusiasm about the prospect . the closer they got to the adoption hearing , the more megan worried that he would refuse . `` dr. nadeen , i understand that you wish to adopt the minor child of your wife ? '' pesh nodded enthusiastically . `` yes , your honor , i would . '' `` i see that you and your wife have been married less than two months , and that you 've only known her a year . '' the judge adjusted his glasses that had slid down his pointy nose . `` do you think it wise to legally bind yourself to this child after such a short time ? '' megan fought the urge to stalk up to the bench and smack the judge . instead , she took deep breaths and tried to reign in her temper . she glanced over at pesh who merely smiled pleasantly at the judge . `` your honor , i realize that on paper it might seem as though i am rushing into things . however , i 've never been more certain of anything in my life as i am about my love for megan and in turn , my love for mason . i 've waited a long time to be a father , and i do n't want to have to waste another second . '' the judge eyed the folder open before him . `` i understand the biological father has had no contact with the child . '' `` that 's correct , '' megan replied . `` he has also waved his parental rights so that dr. nadeen can adopt his son . '' megan exhaled a relieved breath that davis had signed the paperwork . `` i 'm glad to hear that , your honor , '' she said . `` do you feel that your husband will make a good father for your son ? '' `` i never would have dated , least of all married him , if i did n't believe that pesh would be a good and loving father to mason . '' `` so the fact that he is a wealthy doctor had nothing to do with it ? '' `` how dare you ! '' when pesh grabbed her arm to silence her , she slung him away . `` you 've known us for two minutes and you 're making assumptions about me , my husband , and my marriage ? if this were about money , i could have used his father for child support considering he is a wealthy nfl player .

but i would have sacrificed everything to ensure that my son had a good father ! '' `` mrs. nadeen , i will ask that you control yourself , or i will have to hold you in contempt , '' the judge said sternly . pesh wrapped his arm around her waist , drawing her against him . `` easy , '' he murmured . although she hated to do it , she said , `` i 'm sorry , your honor . '' when he smiled at her , she gasped in surprise . `` and i am sorry for rattling you , mrs. nadeen . i often say or do unorthodox things to see the true nature of the people who come before me . '' `` you mean , you said that to get a reaction from me ? '' `` yes , i did . and you unwaveringly rose to my challenge . i can see that you are truly concerned with the wellbeing of your son . '' still reeling from the judge 's behavior , megan mumbled , `` thank you . '' peering down over the bench , the judge surmised mason . `` son , do you know why you 're here today ? '' `` i gettin ' 'dopted , '' mason replied . the judge smiled . `` yes , you are . do you want pesh to be your daddy ? '' `` do you want anyone else to be your daddy ? '' `` no , '' mason replied quickly , shaking his head back and forth . `` then come up here while i sign the paperwork . '' mason happily ran around the side of the bench to the judge . he climbed up onto the judge 's lap . after signing several sets of papers , the judge handed mason his gavel . `` once you bang that gavel , pesh is officially your daddy , and you are mason nadeen . '' with a broad grin , mason brought the gavel down . tears stung megan 's eyes , and she gladly let pesh pull her into his arms . `` thank you , thank you , thank you , '' she murmured . `` i love you , '' he replied , squeezing her tight . their attention was drawn to where mason kept banging the gavel . the judge chuckled . `` okay , i think that is enough . why do n't you go to your mommy and daddy now ? '' `` tell the judge thank you , '' megan instructed . `` tank you , '' mason replied , before he hopped off the judge 's lap and came running to them . `` i 'dopted ! i 'dopted ! '' pesh bent down to pick him up . `` that 's right , buddy . you 're my son for now and always . '' megan smiled and patted mason 's back as they started out of the courtroom . let 's go to papa 's . we 've got a big party for you there . '' mason 's face lit up . `` ice cweam ? `` oh yes , there 's lots of ice cream just for you . '' `` yay ! '' when they drove up at patrick 's , megan did a double take at the sight of an inflatable bouncy castle out on the lawn . john , percy , and georgie were already making good use of it . `` emma , the party planning monster has struck again , '' she mused . pesh chuckled as he got out of the car . he went to get mason while she started into the house . balloons and flowers filled the foyer and living room . over the dining room archway , there was a giant congratulations mason sign . when she got to the kitchen , she sucked in a breath at the sight of all the catering pans . `` emma fitzgerald , what have you done ? '' at the sound of megan 's voice , emma jumped . clutching her chest , she whirled around . `` okay , so maybe i found a really excellent deal on the bouncy castle . like ridiculously cheap . '' `` the food ? i thought mom and my aunts were cooking . '' holding up one hand , emma replied , `` just williamson brothers bbq . nothing fancy . '' `` anything else i need to know about ? live band or celebrity bursting out of a cake ? '' that 's it . '' megan watched emma bustle around the kitchen , setting up the plates and cutlery . `` um , is there anything i can do ? i mean , i feel pretty shitty considering this is my son 's adoption party , '' megan said , with a smile . megan threw her arms around emma and squeezed her tight . `` do n't be sorry . you 're amazing to do all of this for us . '' i 'm so happy for you and pesh and for mason . '' when megan pulled away , emma said , `` oh , there is something you can do . go tell aidan we 're about to start .

he went to get caroline up from her nap . '' i 'll be happy to . '' as megan started down the familiar hallway , she stopped outside of aidan 's boyhood bedroom . through the crack in the door , she could see him walking around the room , bouncing caroline in his arms . at the sound of his singing , she had to stifle a laugh . ankle was many things , but a singer was n't one of them . `` sweet caroline , dum , dum , dum . good times never seemed so good , '' he crooned off-key . when megan pushed open the door , aidan jumped . `` um , hey , '' he said , a flush entering his cheeks . `` i never really pictured you as a neil diamond fan , '' she said , with a smile . `` yeah , well , sweet caroline seems like the right thing to sing to her . '' `` what are you doing in here ? '' `` emma wanted me to come get you . '' `` oh , '' he said . in his arms , caroline began to whimper , her little fists flailed . `` shh , it 's okay , sweet pea . where was i ? '' `` i 've been inclined , '' megan answered him . `` right , '' he said , over caroline 's cries . when he picked back up with the song , megan said , `` that 's really unfair to torture her like that . '' as aidan scowled at megan , caroline began to quiet . aidan 's expression then turned triumphant . `` see ? she likes it when i sing to her . '' `` but you ca n't sing , '' megan protested . `` it does n't matter to her . '' `` she has a mother with a killer voice , yet she likes to listen to you ? '' flashing his signature cocky grin , aidan replied , `` what can i say ? all women love me . '' with a roll of her eyes , megan said , `` give me a break . '' glancing down at caroline , aidan said in a sing-song voice , `` do n't you have the sweetest , handsomest , and most wonderful daddy in the whole wide world ? '' caroline cooed at his question and kicked her legs . `` she 's a smart girl because she knows how lucky she is . '' `` you 're terrible , '' megan said , with a grin . aidan looked from his daughter over to megan . `` you want to hold my most perfect little princess ? '' `` i would love to . '' she held out her arms as aidan passed caroline to her . outfitted in a frilly purple dress and purple bow , caroline looked like she could be modeling baby wear . unlike noah 's strawberry blond hair , hers was a deep auburn . she had also inherited her mother 's green eyes . `` i have to agree that you 're a lucky girl because you look just like your mother , '' megan said . `` yeah , she is a little mini-emma , is n't she ? '' `` she is . boy , she 's going to give you hell when she 's a teenager , '' megan teased . `` i know . trust me , i know . '' as caroline smiled up at her , megan could n't help sighing . `` you 're a bad influence , missy . you make me want to have another baby . '' `` is that a bad thing ? '' aidan asked . `` no , it 's just ... '' `` just what ? '' `` i asked pesh to give me a year of marriage before we start trying . i know he 's ready right now , but i just want this time with him . you know , just the two of us . '' `` but holding her ... '' megan shook her head . `` you 're just bad for business , miss caroline . '' `` tell me about it . whenever i hold her or noah , i think how much i 'm going to miss it when they 're not babies anymore . it nags at me enough that i think i 'll be okay if we have more . '' `` no vasectomy on the horizon ? '' `` no yet . still not ruling it out though . and as far as you and more babies , you 'll know when the time is right . and if anyone is patient and understanding , it 's pesh . '' `` that 's true , '' megan murmured . mason appeared in the doorway then . `` 'mon , mommy . want ice cweam ! '' `` okay , let me give your little bad influence back to you , '' she said , handing caroline to aidan . she then took mason 's hand and started out of the bedroom . `` daddy says i have ice cweam first . '' `` did he ? ''

megan said , as she planned to strangle pesh . `` uh huh . 'cause it 's my 'doption day . '' when she met pesh 's eye , she raised her brows . immediately , his face flushed . `` spoiling him rotten already , are n't you ? '' she questioned in a low voice . `` i could n't help it . it 's a special day . '' `` mmm , hmm , and when this special day turns into an all nighter because he 's hyped on sugar , you 're going to deal with him . '' pesh grinned . `` i will . megan leaned up to kiss him . `` you 're too sweet for your own good . you 're always going to have me playing bad cop when it comes to discipline . '' `` but you love me anyway , right ? '' he murmured against her lips . `` so much i was almost ready to reconsider our plan about when we 're starting a family . '' his eyes bulged at her response . it took him a few moments to speak . `` that means a lot that you would do that , but deep down i know how you really feel . so , i 'm going to be good and patiently wait ten more months before confiscating your birth control . '' `` it 's a deal , '' she replied , before kissing him again . epilogue as soon as he finished with his last patient , pesh practically sprinted from the exam room . he hustled into the doctors ' lounge , trying hard to keep his head down and not call any attention to himself . he wanted to be able to get out the door without anyone calling him back for a consult or to pull a longer shift . once he had retrieved his things , he started for the parking lot . nadeen ! '' kristi called . he questioned , as he turned around . `` you were n't leaving , were you ? '' he exhaled a defeated breath . `` i was planning on it . does someone need me to cover for them ? '' kristi winked at him . `` thought you were screwed there for a minute , did n't you ? '' a relieved laugh escaped his lips . `` i have something for megan . '' `` honestly kristi , you did n't need to do anything else for us . '' waving her hand dismissively , she handed a pink gift bag to him . `` i wanted to do this . '' after peeking inside , pesh smiled before he leaned down to hug kristi . i 'm sure she 'll love it . '' `` you tell her we miss her around here . '' `` i will . '' she patted his back . `` now go on home to your girls . '' he nodded and then hurried out the door . today had been his first day back after taking both paternity leave and some of his many amassed sick days . as he slid into the seat of his jaguar , he felt a rush of embarrassment at how he had actually gotten teary on the way to work that morning after leaving megan . it had been the longest shift of his entire life . he thought he would never be through so he could get home to her . even now , the usual ten-minute drive home seemed to take an eternity . he anxiously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel . he 'd tried not to pester megan with too many calls and texts , but after the tenth , `` how are you guys ? '' text , she 'd told him to lighten up and get his head in the game at work . that 's why he did n't even bother telling her he was on his way home . as he pulled into the driveway , he noticed emma 's suv . he was glad to know that megan had n't been alone without him . when he pushed through the garage door into the kitchen , emma was at the stove . `` hello , '' he called pleasantly . whirling around , she gave him a beaming smile . `` hello to you , too . '' `` how are my girls ? '' they 've slept most of the day . '' noticing how quiet the house was , he asked , `` where 's mason ? '' `` patrick came by and got him , along with noah and caroline , a little while ago . '' she cocked her head at pesh and grinned . `` although he swore to me that he would n't ruin their dinner , i have a feeling they 're having ice cream right now . '' pesh smiled at the mention of his son . although he was n't mason 's biological father , the love he felt for him was just as strong as if he had been a part of his conception . from the moment he 'd been able to adopt him , he had felt an even stronger bond than before , especially whenever he saw `` mason nadeen '' written on his pre-school paperwork . more than anything , he relished being a father .

he had been forced to wait so long , while desiring it so hard , that it made it all the more sweeter . because mason adored baseball , pesh had bought season tickets to the braves , rather than the opera . even though pesh had never been athletically inclined , he signed up to help coach mason 's little league team as well . every time he heard mason say `` daddy , '' it warmed his heart the same as it did to hear megan say `` i love you . '' pesh eyed the dishes on the stove . `` it 's awfully kind of you to come stay with megan on my first day back . but we certainly did n't expect for you to cook . '' `` it 's my pleasure . besides , it kills two birds with one stone-i can feed my family and yours . aidan 's coming by after work . '' i 'll be glad to see him . '' as his gaze swept toward the living room , emma laughed . you do n't have to stay here with me . i know you want to see your girls . '' i have missed them terribly today . '' after giving emma a quick kiss on the cheek , he made his way into the living room . at the sight of megan sleeping on the couch next to a frilly pink pack n play , his chest swelled with so much love and pride he felt like it might explode . peeking over the side of the pack n play , he eyed his dark-haired daughters . after waiting so long to become a father , he had been doubly blessed when they found out they were having twins . while aidan liked to claim that his fear of the twin gene in his family had bypassed him , and instead , it had found its way to megan , that was n't entirely true . his girls were identical twins , which had nothing to do with old wives ' tales . the two of them looked so much alike that megan put different colored socks on them to tell them apart . although it had freaked megan out a little at the prospect of two babies to care for along with mason , pesh was thrilled . every aspect of the pregnancy and birth had been special to him . thankfully , megan had been blessed with great health , although she had been advised to take early maternity leave to stay off her feet . after her clinicals , she had accepted a job in the er at wellstar , where they sometimes were on similar shifts . the girls arrived only a few weeks short of their due date and were both healthy five pounders . six weeks later , they were thriving and were the greatest joy in his life . sucking relentlessly on her pacifier , maya 's wide eyes took in her surroundings . she stretched and flailed her arms . if she was n't careful , she was going to hit her sister . since sara remained sleeping soundly , pesh bent over and picked maya up . he kissed her cheek before drawing her close to his chest . as he stared into her tiny face , he could n't help the surge of love that overtook him . for all the years of struggle and heartache he had endured , it was moments like these that made him feel as though he was finally complete . his heart was full , and he was so thankful . once they learned they were having girls , he and megan had decided to give them both indian and irish names to represent their combined heritages . maya , which meant princess and honorable in indian , was coupled with katherine , to honor emma , whose middle name was katherine . without emma , he and megan never would have met . sara , which meant 'soul ' , was given her mother 's real name , margaret , as her middle name . at the sound of megan 's gentle snores , he smiled . `` did you wear your mommy out today ? '' he asked maya . she opened her tiny mouth like she wished she could respond to him . `` let 's wake her up . '' after he swept a strand of megan 's long blonde hair out of her face , pesh leaned down to kiss her cheek . she stirred as her eyes fluttered opened . `` hey , '' she said with a lazy smile . `` hello , my love , '' he replied . `` how was your first day back ? '' she asked , as she stretched her arms over her head . `` absolutely miserable without you and the girls . '' `` we missed you , too . '' she jerked her chin up at maya . `` she cried for thirty minutes straight after you left . i think we have a serious daddy 's girl on our hands . '' he asked , gazing down at maya . he could n't help the warm glow that spread through his chest at megan 's words . at just six weeks old , his girls were already showing distinct and different personalities . maya was inquisitive and fought sleep to be awake to see what all was going on .

he 'd ended up holding her more than sara simply because maya often exhausted megan by not going to sleep . sara , on the other hand , was already very sweet tempered and a natural snuggler . she probably represented his more laid-back , quiet personality where maya was likely to be a little firecracker , just like her mom . maya stared up at him , her dark eyes peering intently at him . `` did you miss me , my little princess ? '' a fleeting smile appeared on her face . `` oh my god , she smiled at you ! '' `` but babies do n't respond with smiling until later . it must be gas or something , '' he argued . megan nudged his leg with her knee . `` she most definitely smiled at you , pesh . '' she rose off the couch to rub maya 's cheek . `` you smiled at your daddy , did n't you ? '' without taking her eyes off of pesh , maya flashed another smile and waved her fist . the sight caused tears to sting his eyes . he blinked fast , trying to clear them . he did n't like feeling emotionally weak in front of megan . but he knew he was busted the moment megan murmured , `` oh baby . '' she slid her arm around his waist , leaning up on her tiptoes to burrow her face in his neck . `` do you know how much my love for you grows because you just got teary over your daughter ? '' he glanced down at her in surprise . she gave him a brief kiss . `` after davis , all i ever wanted was for my children to have a father who loved and adored them . '' `` you make that dream come true every day . '' he brought his lips to hers . his mouth worked frantically to illustrate all that he was feeling inside-the intense love that he felt would burst from him . `` i love you , '' he murmured against her lips . just as he started to kiss her again , a loud commotion in the kitchen drew them apart . megan rubbed his cheek tenderly before bestowing a kiss on maya 's head . she then jerked her chin towards the kitchen , and he followed her . patrick had just burst through the backdoor with all the kids in tow . `` we 're back ! '' mason called , as he bobbed around the kitchen . three-year-old noah and his two-year-old sister , caroline , made a beeline for their mother . they began chattering non-stop to emma while their bodies shook with unspent energy . pesh watched with amusement as emma 's hand came to her hip and she pointed her stirring spoon at patrick . `` you gave them ice cream , did n't you ? '' patrick shrugged . `` i 'm a grandfather . spoiling them is what i 'm supposed to do . '' `` yeah , and then you bring them home to detox on my watch . '' `` mommy , i hungwy ! '' caroline protested , stomping her foot . with her auburn hair swept back in pigtails and her emerald eyes narrowing in determination , she looked just like her mother . well , her expression was pure aidan . `` caroline fitzgerald , you get one ice cream cone in you , and you start acting like you have no manners . we do not stomp our feet to get what we want . '' she appeared thoughtful for a moment before saying , `` pwease mommy , i vewy hungwy . '' `` go wash up and then have a seat at the table in the dining room . '' `` come on guys , '' mason said . at almost four-and-a-half , he was always the caretaker of his younger cousins . noah and caroline followed him into the half bathroom off the kitchen . cradling maya in his arms , pesh joined emma at the stove . `` something sure smells good . '' it 's megan 's favorite chicken casserole . then there 's broccoli and cheese casserole , green beans , and some cornbread , extra crispy on the edges just like megan loves it . '' the corners of her mouth turned down in a frown . `` i 'm sorry it 's not indian food . '' `` i would have been very surprised if it had been considering how much you did n't appreciate it many years ago . '' patrick nodded in agreement . `` that 's quite a spread you 've fixed for us . '' `` i was happy to do it . '' `` are you feeling all right ? '' pesh asked , motioning to her expanding belly . emma patted her bump lovingly before responding . `` i think i 've felt the best this pregnancy out of all the others . you would think with a three and two-year-old , i would be exhausted all the time , but it 's amazing how good i 've felt . '' patrick gave a beaming smile .

`` i ca n't tell you how thrilled i am to be having yet another grandson to carry on the family name . '' with a wink , he added , `` not to mention the fact he 's been given fine irish names . '' aidan and emma had found out the sex of their third , and final child , the week before . they had decided on the name connor liam , which was a double representation of irish names . while emma 's best friend , connor , was thrilled at the namesake , he also wanted them to call the baby connor as well . in the end , it would be liam fitzgerald joining the rest of the crew in four and a half months . `` and is aidan still feeling okay ? '' emma opened her mouth to answer him , but aidan chose that moment to walk in the door . `` me and my soon to be non-swimmers are just fine , '' he replied , with a grin . a week before he had gone under the laser for a vasectomy . while caroline had been a surprise , liam had not . with emma nearing thirty-four , they thought it best to finish out their family while they were still young . and while emma was pregnant and there were no worries about conception , aidan thought it was the best time to get his vasectomy and let it take effect . `` daddy ! '' caroline squealed , as she came bounding around the corner . aidan 's grin grew wider as he took his daughter in his arms . `` hi sweet pea . '' she kissed both of his cheeks before she started wiggling , wanting down . noah ran to him next , and he got to hold his son a little longer as noah told him all about his day helping out with the babies . a cry from the living room snapped pesh 's attention away from aidan and emma . megan was bending over the pack n play , picking up sara . `` aw , what 's wrong , sweetheart ? '' she cooed , as she took sara into her arms . as megan rocked her back and forth , sara continued wailing , which caused maya 's face to crumple up as well . `` you must be hungry . '' `` i 'll get their bottles , '' pesh called , over the twin 's loud cries . as emma worked to gather the kids , along with patrick and aidan , around the dining room table , pesh got busy heating up the formula . once he had the two bottles fixed , he grabbed them and then went to the dining room . megan was already seated with mason trying to entertain sara to stop crying her crying . he passed a bottle to megan before sitting down himself . he 'd barely gotten the bottle in her mouth before maya started sucking greedily at the formula . as aidan reached to start spooning some chicken casserole onto his plate , patrick shot him a disapproving look . with a sigh , aidan dropped the serving spoon . `` you gon na say grace even though it 's not your house , pop ? '' `` why yes , i am . it 's good for all these children to learn , '' he replied , motioning to noah and caroline who sat between their parents , and then over to mason . `` it should be up to pesh and megan whether it 's said or not , '' aidan grumbled . pesh held up his free hand that was n't holding maya . truly , i do n't mind . '' aidan mouthed `` suck up '' at him before grinning . pesh merely shook his head at aidan 's antics . `` then let 's return thanks , '' patrick said . with maya still taking long pulls at her bottle , pesh bowed his head . as patrick recited the blessing , pesh could n't help feeling so very blessed himself . three years ago , the dining room would have been empty . most likely , he would have been grabbing something on the way home or finishing some leftover takeout . but now , he had a beautiful , loving wife by his side-one he fell a little more in love with each and every day . across from him , he had a son who was strong and healthy . in his arms and his wife 's , he had two daughters who he could n't wait to see what the future held for them . he also had the love and support of good friends and family . at the end of the day , true love in its many forms was all you could really hope for and cling to . chapter 1 that 's it . i 'm spanking her ass as soon as we get back to the house , right before i f**k her little ass into submission . i watched with the other couple hundred thousand spectators as she gyrated her ass and flaunted what belonged to me for all to see .

yes , i know it 's her job as the newest and hottest pop sensation on the scene today , but we talked about this shit . i have no problem with her performing , but there 's such a thing as going too far . she 'd come out on the stage dressed conservatively enough in the floor length dress with the split up the middle to her crotch . even that was a bit risque for my taste , but i could n't expect her to change everything overnight . what i did n't expect , and what was now driving me insane , is the two piece bikini number she was now wearing after dropping the dress , or more to the point , after one of the male dancers had undressed her on stage . no one sitting near me could tell that i was seething with rage . i kept my face at ease and my slouch in the chair in the front row of the awards show was that of a man with nothing on his mind but enjoying the show . by now everyone knew we were an item , the thirty-five year old business mogul , and the twenty -three year old pop sensation . we 'd been able to keep our affair hidden for all of two months and that only because of my high security . but now the cat was out of the bag and everyone was in our f**king business . i was n't too worried about it , i just do n't like my personal life splashed across the headlines , but i guess it came with the territory . i 'd seen her for the first time three months ago . it was at a lingerie show of all things . not my usual milieu , but my sister had dragged me along since her husband was away on business , and she did n't want to go it alone . i 'd sat there prepared to be bored out of my mind for the next two hours or so . i 've seen and had my fair share of models over the years , and they no longer appealed . so imagine my surprise when she came on stage . i had no idea who she was , but from the crowd 's reaction she was someone of note ; before she even opened her mouth to sing the place had gone insane . it was her voice that caught my attention first , sultry and hot , with an old world flavor to it . when i finally looked up at the stage , my breath had got caught in my lungs . she was f**king magnificent . i wondered how many of the men in the audience were focused on her instead of the scantily clad models as they made their way down the runway . i know i spent the next three minutes or however long the song was , totally captivated by her . i pulled my phone and cancelled my dinner date and essentially ended the six-month relationship i 'd been barely having with another woman . i 'm a man of action , i 've learned in the cutthroat world of high finance that there 's no other way to be . when i see something that i want , i go after it . consequences be damned . they had her name highlighted behind her on the stage so i used my phone to google her . i needed to find out what moves i had to make to acquire her . if she were married , i 'd step back . that 's not my style . anything else , she was fair game . shiane ; she was twenty-three years old and had been heating up the charts for the last two with hit after hit since her debut . she 'd only been linked with one guy in the past two years . some on again , off again deal with a kid who was not much older than she . they were having an off period ; perfect . if i had anything to say about that , it would be a permanent thing , or until i 'd had my fill at least . i 'm not one for long relationships . i stay as long as they run their course and leave when they 've grown stale . i have yet to find a woman who could hold my interest for more than a few months at a time . and i always let them know up front what the deal is . though it seemed women were always saying they were fine with it until the end came . like cynthia , that night when i 'd called to tell her it was over . it was n't the most conventional way to do things . usually , i sent over one of tiffany 's little blue boxes to ease the blow , but there was no time , so i 'd have to do it the next day . she started to get upset on the phone and i had to remind her of the words i 'd spoken on our first date . she was n't too happy , but it will have to suffice . as much of a bastard as i am , the thought of pursuing one woman while embroiled with another , just did n't suit me . after the phone call , i 'd sat there and watched the anorexic looking clothe-horses as they pranced up and down the stage .

there was still a buzz about the hot little starlet who 'd just left the stage , and i smiled quietly to myself when i heard some ass behind me tell his friends that he was going to make his move . the program said she had one more performance near the end of the show , so i sat patiently and waited . when she came out the second time , i actually sat up in my seat . my back was n't the only thing that went ramrod straight . though i did n't appreciate the comments from the other men around me that night , i had to admit that she was f**king hot , as one of them had claimed . she was dressed pretty much like one of the models ; only she 'd covered the panty and bra set with a see-through silk robe that did n't leave much to the imagination . she outshone everyone there and it helped that she actually had a body . she was all smooth curves , and her legs , i could already imagine being held between them as i f**ked her . whether by providence , or fate , whatever you wan na call it , our eyes met , and in that split second i saw all i needed to know . i do n't think anyone else caught the faltering misstep in her routine , or heard the catch in her voice , but so in tuned was i , that i did n't miss a thing . chapter 2 i waited until her number was over and the last call for the models came through the pa. then i made my excuses to my sister , who thankfully , was involved in a conversation with the woman on her other side so was n't paying too much attention , and therefore was n't in my business . `` i 'll be right back sis , there 's something i need to take care of . i made my way backstage the way i do most things ; like i owned the place . bypassing scantily clad women and harassed assistants , i avoided their hungry gazes as i kept my gaze peeled for that waterfall of cascading curls . she was off to the side surrounded by a bevy of people who were trying to hustle her through a door to the back . i made my way towards them and grabbed her elbow . she looked back and up and in her eyes i saw acceptance . she turned to the pushy woman next to her and whispered something before following me . she did n't really have a choice as i had no intentions on releasing my hold on her . as soon as i found an empty room , which turned out to be some sort of storage space , i did something i do n't recall having ever done before , but had been dying to for that last hour or so . crowding her back against the door to keep it closed , i held her eyes as i lowered my head to hers . licking across her lips , i found the taste of strawberries suddenly intoxicating . i pushed one leg between hers and pulled her body in close as i fed her my tongue . `` fuck you 're sweet . '' i nibbled from her lips to her ear . `` you 're coming home with me . '' `` i ca n't i ... '' i buried my hands in her hair , pulling her head back . `` whatever it is that you 're about to say wo n't make a difference . feel this . '' i pressed her hand against her own racing heart . `` now feel this . '' lifting her i pushed my c**k into the junction of her thighs where i could feel her hot pu**y through the silk of her clothing . `` do you feel that ? that means that no one and nothing is going to stand in the way of me having you . we do n't have to f**k tonight , but you 're sleeping in my bed . '' she seemed overwhelmed by my approach and rested her head against my chest . i took the opportunity to call my sister and make my excuses . `` sis , i 'm sending a car for you , something came up and i have to leave . '' we said our goodbyes and i called my driver who was having an evening off since i 'd driven my sister here tonight . he had no problem with the last minute call since he knew he 'd be handsomely compensated for the inconvenience . `` let 's get out of here . '' i do n't know how we escaped the glare of flashing cameras that night , but somehow we did . i 'd covered her scantily clad body with my suit jacket and held her under my arm as we made our way to the valet parking where they 'd brought my bugatti around in less then five minutes . i held her hand all the way to my home in the car . there were no words spoken between us in the ten minutes or so it had taken for us to get there . i could feel the racing of her pulse and see the apprehension in her eyes . when i helped her out of the car in the underground garage , i pressed her up against the door and swallowed her tongue again . she was young and fresh and so f**king sweet she made me ache . i loved the way she rubbed herself against my cock , almost as if she could n't help herself .

`` i 'm going to enjoy having you under me shiane . '' i took her hand and led her into the building , bypassing the bank of elevators to my own personal lift in the corner . she kept her head down , maybe because she did n't want to be recognized by the doorman and security , or maybe because she was shy , i was inclined to believe it was the latter . once we got to my penthouse , she seemed shy and unsure of herself . i 'm not one to buy into preconceived notions . there 's been plenty written about me in the tabloids over the years that bears no resemblance to the truth , and though i had n't come across anything inflammatory about her in my little impromptu search , i was sure she dealt with her fair share of bullshit . i also had to take into consideration her age . she was young yet , for all that she was world travelled and famous , sometimes those things could hide a multitude of things . like the fact that her shyness and hesitance was not contrived . my first order of business was to put her at ease . walking over to where she stood in front of the door as if ready to escape at a moment 's notice , i took my jacket from around her shoulders . i kept my eyes on her bent head until i threw the jacket in the general direction of the chair in the corner . then lifting her chin with the tip of my finger , i looked into her eyes . `` you have nothing to fear here ; it 's like i said , we do n't have to f**k each other tonight . i can maybe hold off until tomorrow , but i want you in my bed , in my arms . what i saw tonight , i would be a fool to waste any time . '' `` um , what 's your name ? '' i threw my head back and laughed uproariously . i 'm such a beast . i had n't even introduced myself . it 's a wonder she had n't run away screaming bloody murder . `` i 'm trace mckenzie . '' her eyes widened a bit at my name and led me to my next question . `` you know my name ? '' `` everybody knows who you are , do n't they ? '' `` i do n't know about everyone , but maybe a good few do . can i get you something to drink ? what do you usually do after a performance , which was magnificent by the way . '' `` i usually have warmed lemon and honey with a glass of water . it helps keep my throat soothed , but i do n't expect you to have that stuff here , so it 's okay . '' she bit her lip and looked down at her feet even more shy now . very endearing . i walked over to the in house phone and called down to have them go pick me up what she needed from the all-night market a few blocks over . `` that 's taken care of . it should be here in a few . why do n't we go out onto the patio and relax until they get here ? '' i took her elbow and led her outside where the stars were putting on a show in the night sky . i was amazed at my control , everything in me wanted in her now . but somehow , i knew this , whatever it was between us would n't be rushed . i quirked my brow at my thoughts . i 'm not one for patience and i 'd be the first to admit it . she moved to sit in the chair next to mine , but i had other ideas . pulling her down into my lap , i did n't give her time to protest before my lips were covering hers again . i could n't seem to get enough of her taste . she was wearing the same silk robe and underwear she 'd worn on stage and her body 's heat seared me . by the time the bell chimed announcing the arrival of her delivery , my hands were buried in her beautiful hair and my c**k was digging into her hip . i sat her in the seat a little dazed and went to answer the door . in the kitchen i prepared the concoction for her and had a weird sense that i was going to be doing that a lot in the future . that 's something else i never pay too much attention to , the future . i usually let the chips fall where they may . `` here love , i hope it 's the way you like it . '' she took the tumbler from me and sipped . `` umm , perfect thanks trace . '' i hunkered down in front of her and she stopped with the glass halfway to her lips . i held her eyes as i tried to form the words in my head . `` do you have any upcoming engagements planned ? '' `` i have three weeks until my next show , i do n't go on tour for another couple of months and i just wrapped up in the studio a few days ago . '' `` then the next three weeks are mine . let 's go to bed tomorrow is going to be a long day . ''

i took the empty glass from her and led her inside . she was back to being nervous which was totally understandable . `` the bedroom 's through there with an en suite bath if you 'd like . i 'll find you something to sleep in . '' she walked on in the direction i 'd pointed out while i turned for the kitchen . when i made it back to the bedroom she was in the shower . it took everything i had in me not to go after her . the night sure was turning into one for the books . i 've never brought a woman home for the sole purpose of just having here there . she came out fifteen minutes later and i fought the kick in my heart . she looked like a teenager with her hair brushed out around her shoulders and her face bare of makeup . i walked over and unwrapped the towel she had clutched in her fist . `` fuck me , it 's gon na be a long f**king night . '' she was perfection . her tits , which for some reason had been hidden in the robe were magnificent , i would say a dd or close , with pale pink ni**les that almost blended into the rest of her flesh . her waist was tiny , i could easily span it with my hands and her hips had a nice flare to them . all woman and now all mine . it was topped off with a homegrown beauty that you never see these days . pink flesh with a hint of a tan on her cheeks , and the cutest sprinkling of freckles across her perfectly upturned nose . `` i see you 're a real blonde . '' her whole body lit up with her blush at my mention of the strip of hair over her pu**y mound . i kissed the top of her head as i passed her the tee shirt i 'd chosen for her to sleep in . another first , i usually avoided too much familiarity with the women i dealt with . having her sleep in my favorite old college shirt was very telling in deed , but we 'll see how this plays out . `` i 'll be right out sweetie , you can watch tv until i 'm done or if you 're tired go to sleep . '' i left her standing there and went to my own shower before i went back on my word and threw her to the ground and f**ked her the way i imagined . i barely avoided rubbing one out in the shower ; just let the water beat down on me as cold as i could stand it , cooling me down a little . when my felt the slight ping in my heart i held my hands out to wall and hung my head as the water cascaded down on me . i knew what was happening to me , knew it down to my bones , should i fight it or let it take its natural course ? i 'd never felt threatened before , in all my years of playing the filed , there was never a time when my bachelorhood was in danger . it was too early yet , or at least that was the crutch i held onto as i turned the water off and stepped out of the marble shower stall . wrapping a towel around my hips and grabbing another i walked into the bedroom to find her asleep . my new baby was tired . i stood over her , taking in the softness of her beauty in sleep . i wonder how many people had ever seen this side of her . i had a brief stab of jealousy at the thought of the boy she 'd been linked with . i ran my fingers gently through her hair , going softly so i did n't awaken her . i shook my head at myself after i leaned over and kissed her hair . `` so f**king beautiful . '' i whispered the words in her ear before heading to the closet for some boxer shorts . no sleeping in the buff tonight , i 'd changed the game plan somewhere between seeing her on that stage and handing her that tee shirt . i was treading unchartered waters here , so we 'll play it by ear , but there 's always been one constant with me throughout my lifetime . i always play to win . i could n't help drawing her into my arms when i finally crawled into bed . she just cuddled into my chest and settled , just like this kitten i once had as a child . what the f**k ? i have n't thought of my f**ked up childhood or anything to do with it in a long time . i looked down at the head on my chest and felt fear for the first time in my life , or at least for the first time in forever . what was i to do with this new thing that was growing inside of me ? i have no notion of how to deal with love and all its trappings . i 'm man enough to own my feelings , but logical enough , grounded enough not to believe in love at first sight . but this whatever it was that had hit me from out of left field , was a close second . i fell asleep with the thought of what tomorrow might bring for us .

first time in thirteen years , that i did n't close my eyes with a spreadsheet running through my head . chapter 3 in the morning my eyes popped open to land on hers as she looked up at me from her place on my chest . `` morning beautiful girl . '' i drew her in for a cuddle and to sniff the morning scent of her skin . she felt right in my arms , in my bed . when i pulled back she was looking at me askance . `` this is so weird , i hope you do n't think i 'm in the habit of going home with strange men ... '' `` whatever you did or did not do before we met last night is in the past . besides , i do n't remember giving you much of a choice . '' `` i 'm gon na kiss you now sweet shiane , do n't worry about my hard cock , it ca n't seem to help doing that around you . '' i turned her onto her back and covered her body with mine . starting at her ear i kissed my way down her jawline to the corner of her mouth before taking soft nibbles of her lips . i did n't force my way in this time , but made her want my tongue so much that she was the one who came in search of it . she was the one who took my face in her hands and forced my lips open with her tongue . i told myself to go easy even as i pressed my aching c**k into her heat . her shirt had ridden up so that all that stood between us were a few scraps of silk . my control lasted for all of ten seconds before i was eating at her lips , my hands roaming all over her body . `` fuck , f**k , f**k ... shiane . '' i buried my face in her neck and prayed for the strength to leave it there , not to push her panties aside and slip into her heat that i knew was going to own my ass . when she nuzzled my head and squeezed me between her legs , i knew the jig was up . `` baby we got ta get up ; i 'm trying to keep my word here but you 're not making it easy . '' i sucked the skin of her neck between my teeth and rocked my c**k back and forth into her , my c**k ring hitting her clit with each stroke and driving me insane . she hissed and shook beneath me . `` fuck baby do n't do that . '' i gritted my teeth and rolled away with my arm thrown over my eyes . `` fuck ! get off the bed baby ... please . '' she hesitated for a minute before i felt her leave the bed . this was not f**king happening to me . how the f**k was this happening to me ? when i felt my breathing calm enough and my dick was down to a slow throb instead of a raging pulse , i lifted my hand and looked at her . she looked so f**king young and innocent standing there , unsure of the crazy man who 'd dragged her off to his lair in the middle of the night and was now acting like an ass . `` i 'm sorry baby if you 'd stayed here one second more i would 've f**ked you . since i kinda gave my word i do n't want to go back on it . that 's no way to start thins off . it 's saturday morning , you said you do n't really have anything pressing on the calendar so i 'll tell you what we 're gon na do . '' `` i 'm pretty sure if we went anywhere in this city you 'd be recognized in five minutes flat am i right ? '' `` yeah pretty much . '' `` and you did n't bring any clothes with you obviously , so going out to breakfast was pretty much out anyway , for now at least . so ... i 'm gon na go downstairs and make us some breakfast sounds good ? '' `` yeah , okay . '' i studied her as she stood there with her hair all mussed from my fingers , my mark forming on her neck and the shirt hanging off her shoulder . it was the sexiest f**king thing i 'd ever seen . `` i changed my mind come 'ere . '' she made a running leap for the bed and landed on top of me , causing my eyes to open in surprise . the smile that broke out across my face was another shared first as i pulled her head down and clasping her there , took her lips in another wild kiss . she kissed like an innocent and i found it thrilling to teach her my showing her how to chase my tongue with hers . my c**k was leaking profusely at this point as i enjoyed running my tongue around the inside of her mouth , over her teeth , and lips before diving back in . it was a long time since i 'd dry humped anyone , but f**k if that is n't what i found myself doing .

with one hand clasped behind her head and the other holding her ass in place , i moved her body over mine , while my c**k started leaking even more into my shorts . i wanted to turn her over onto her back and just take her , but i did n't . instead i pressed her cunt harder into my aching c**k and ground our pelvises together . she moaned into my mouth and quivered as i felt the first burst of cum leave my spewing cock . we laid still until our breathing went back to normal . `` i think a shower is in order do n't you ? '' i sat up with her still in my lap and rolled out of bed , headed for the shower . shiane i ca n't believe i 'm doing this . nothing like this has ever happened to me before , but when i 'd looked into his eyes last night while on stage , there was something there that called to me , what that was i still was n't sure , but somehow i knew i would be a fool to let it pass . i would 've gone on as usual if he had n't approached me , i 'm not bold enough to have sought him out . but now that i was here i was n't sure of my moves . i 've only ever been with one guy , someone i met when i first started my music career . i 'd saved myself all through high school , holding out for that special someone . and then after i 'd been discovered , i 'd been too busy in the studio and with other engagements to think about a relationship . i 've never been into the casual scene , so when i met donnie , i 'd thought i 'd found my soul mate . someone i could spend my life with . that was before i 'd overheard him making plans to hook up with someone else . that day was the lowest point of my life . when i 'd confronted him after coming out of the bathroom unexpectedly and overheard him , he 'd grown angry . angry enough to hit me for questioning him ; then he 'd filled me in on the truth . he 'd only been with me because it was good for his career . he thought that being linked to the hottest new number on the music scene would open doors for him , which it did . he called me a stupid little farm girl with rose-colored glasses . as he put it , everyone was doing it ; it was known part of the business . people f**ked one another to get ahead . when i 'd stupidly told him i thought we would get married like we 'd talked about he 'd laughed in my face . it was then that my love had started to die . it did n't die completely until news of our split got out and i learned that this was n't the first time he 'd cheated , and that everyone thought i knew . apparently they thought i was doing the same . i was never so humiliated in my life , all our friends , if you can call them that ; had known . i 'd slipped out of the spotlight for a while until my management told me i had to appear with the snake for publicity sake because of prior agreements and the album we 'd collaborated on together . so for a few months the world thought we were an item again . it was hard , especially when he cornered me one day after rehearsal and said we could just pick up where we left off , i was an okay f**k after all . i did n't even know this person . all i could do was walk away in disgust . since then he 'd called me a few times , he knew i was n't seeing anyone and since he 'd been my first somehow this little farm girl should just overlook his infidelity and turn a blind eye , because according to him i was never going to find better , because everybody in the business cheats . now here i am , not even a month later doing something i never thought in a million years i would ever do . when i opened my eyes this morning and saw him there , his face relaxed in sleep , so perfectly handsome . the first thing that caught my attention was the tattoos on his chest and arms . the business suit sure had n't prepared me for that , or for what i was sure was a piercing in his cock . of course i knew who he was , everyone did , the self-made billionaire who 'd come from nothing . his story was told far and wide in all circles . a male cinderella story if you will . from what i remember his parents had been poor , from some place in the midwest . he 'd boxed in high school and gained a scholarship to an ivy league university where he 'd continued his boxing career but had focused more on his studies . then he 'd invented some game software and used the money from that to start his own securities firm . they called him the wonder kid of wall street . though kid was n't exactly accurate . he put me down in the bathroom long enough to start the shower before he turned back to me and lifted the worn tee shirt over my head .

i was embarrassed as he pulled my panties down my thighs and when i stepped out of them and he picked them up and brought them up to his face , i thought my body would go up in flames . his eyes held mine as he lowered them and then he was pulling me back into that hard chest of his again and our mouths mated . he dropped his shorts while our tongues were playing tag and turned me towards the huge marble stall . no words were spoken as he soaped up his hands and washed by body . his hands glided over me , slowly , taking his time as he touched my body , as though he were paying homage . `` i love your body baby , so f**king much . '' he seemed hypnotized with by my chest , which until the look in his eyes , had always been a source of embarrassment for me . they were just too ... everything . but that way he touched them made me feel beautiful . `` get up here . '' he picked me up so that my legs went around his waist and his mouth covered mine once more as my now slippery body slid all over his chest . i feel the hardness of his c**k pressing into my ass up to the small of my back . i had a moment 's pause at the length of him . there was no way that thing would ever fit inside me . `` we have to stop baby . '' he took a few more nibbles of my lips before letting me slip down his body . we finished our shower after he 'd passed me the soap to return the favor . my heart all but flew out of my chest as i ran my hands over his beautiful chest . my face heated up as i leaned over and kissed his chest and i felt a sense of power when his body shook . he turned off the water and led me out of the shower . grabbing a towel he dried me before going to a door in the bathroom that led to a closet of sorts . he came back with a long silk robe that obviously belonged to him , and one for himself . downstairs in the kitchen he kissed me once more before seating me on a stool at the island and turning to the fridge . `` an omelet okay princess ? '' `` yes , sounds great . '' princess , how did he know that i 've always wanted someone to call me that ? he could n't have , so that was just another sign that there was something going on here that went beyond the obvious . he plated the omelets and sat down across from me after pouring us both cups of coffee from his state of the art coffee maker . i studied the kitchen for something to so instead of staring at his chest that was exposed by the gap in his robe . i could stare at it all , or his beautiful face with those cerulean blue eyes that seemed to darken whenever he looked at me . `` today is saturday , monday morning we 're going to my private doctor to have tests done . not that i think you 're unsafe , this is for both of us . when i take you there will be nothing between us and i want you to be comfortable with the fact that i 'm clean as well . '' `` i see from the gossip rags that you 've only had one serious relationship since you came onto the music scene , tell me about that . '' i laid my fork down and folded my arms around my middle . `` what do you want to know ? '' `` everything . '' it almost sounded like a growl . i kept my head down ; surely this was a bit personal for two people who 'd only just met ; more personal than cumming all over him and he you you ninny ? i blushed at the memory and felt my body shudder . i almost jumped out of my skin when his finger lifted my chin . `` now 's not the time to think about what i can and will do to you sweetie , we need to clear some things up first ; eat your breakfast . '' i told him about meeting donnie , about my childhood in the southwest and the life i 'd left behind to follow my dream of becoming a singer , the years of hard work before the payoff . the supportive family who was still very much a part of my life and whom i stayed in contact with by weekly phone calls and skype chats . of course i left out the most embarrassing details of my messy break-up with donnie . no one outside our circle knew the real reason behind the break , but i knew it was only a matter of time before that was no longer a secret . but somehow i could n't find it in me to tell this virile man who looked at me like i was the hottest sex object on the planet , that i had been such an abject failure ; or that i had been such a gullible , green fool . `` did you love him ? '' i looked up at him then , there was something in his voice , something i could n't quite place but it sounded menacing somehow . i swallowed hard before i answered him . `` i thought i did , but now i 'm not sure what i was feeling .

maybe i was caught up in the excitement of my new life and he was the first interesting guy to ever pay me any attention , or the first one that i noticed anyway . '' `` do you two still stay in touch ? '' `` no , only if we 're working on one of our songs or something that calls for us to work together in a professional capacity . '' `` and how often does that happen ? '' `` we just did an album together . it was finished just before we broke up . we might have to perform the songs together at awards shows and things like that in the future , i 'm not sure of anything right now though . '' `` that 's something we 'll have to deal with , something you should know before we go any farther . i 'm a very territorial about my possessions . i do n't share shiane , not ever . '' `` i find myself in new territory here though , because i 've never cared about a woman 's past before , never cared how many partners she had before me . with you i find that i hate this boy for having had you . it 's silly i know , since you know of me , then you know that i 've not been a monk myself . i do n't know why i should feel this way , it just is . '' i did n't say anything to that , what was there to say ? like he said i 'd read of his exploits along with the rest of america . he was a known lady 's man . not necessarily a skirt chaser , it seems they were usually the ones doing the chasing . none of his encounters if i remember correctly had ever lasted more than a few months at the most . is that what he was after now ? because if it was , as much as i felt that strong pull for him , i do n't think i was ready for a fling . something of my inner thoughts must 've shown on my face because he brought my attention back to him with his next words . `` stop worrying , like i told you , whatever was in the past is just that , the past . '' could i ask him outright what his intentions were , or would he find the question gauche and immature ? that as something else donnie had accused me of . he 'd said that my ideals were old and outdated . apparently it was against the new social norm to actually want to have a meaningful relationship that lasted longer than the time it took to scratch an itch . `` you said there were some things that we needed to clear up before we went any farther , well i think you should know i 'm not into casual flings , i ... '' `` i think i got that princess . '' he did n't say anything else for the longest while , just studied me over his coffee mug . `` i do n't know where this is going , not exactly , but i do know there is n't going to be anything casual about it . chapter 4 trace i did n't take her home until later that evening . i 'd turned her phone off at about noon after it had rung for the tenth time in half an hour . i had her send off a quick text to her assistant so that they knew she was alive and that was it . she seemed a bit panicked at first and i knew the feeling , since i 'd once been synced with my phone and any form of communication , until i 'd learned to compartmentalize . we spent the time getting to know each other , when i was n't kissing her . i did n't risk getting too hot and heavy with her again , because i did n't trust myself to stop . when i take her i want to feel her pu**y around my cock . i have never in my life f**ked a woman without some kind of protection and definitely not without a condom . i did n't look too deeply at my reasons for wanting to do it with her . all i know is that the memory of her on that stage the night before , the jolt that had gone through me when our eyes connected , was something that i was n't willing to brush aside . i 've spent my life following my gut and hunches that others had scoffed at , only to come out on top . this just might be the biggest f**king hunch i ever play in my life . if the beautiful girl that was sitting on my lap in my living room , dressed only in one of my robes , knew the thoughts that were going through my head i 'm not sure she would n't have been looking for the nearest exit . everything about her called to something in me , something i had n't known was there . by the time i took her home to her apartment on the other side of the park i was second guessing myself . outside her apartment i looked for a parking spot . `` you do n't have to walk me up you know , i 'm perfectly safe here . '' `` no deal princess , i 'm contemplating turning around and taking you back home , the only reason i 'm not is because you do n't have anything to wear and i 'm sure you have stuff to take care of .

but i 'm coming up with you . i 'm not ready for our first date to be over just yet . she blushed and smiled and reached over to kiss me but then seemed to think better of it . so i was the one who held her head and pulled her the rest of the way . if there were any cameras around i did n't care in that moment . though i understood her concerns , she 'd explained about how precious her privacy had become since she 'd found stardom , how the simplest thing like running out for a carton of milk had now become a monumental task . that was something else i was going to have to take care of . i was n't sure from what she 'd said , what kind of security detail she had on a daily basis . i mean look how easy it had been for me to get to her and literally take her out of their hands . on top of her own star status , being linked with me might put her even more in the spotlight , so i was gon na have to take care of that first thing . i helped her out of the car and through the doors . she was wearing a pair of my jeans rolled at the ankles and around the waist , but of course she 'd made it look like a fashion statement . we made it up to her apartment with no interruptions and i was still holding her hand . i loved the look of her place , it was open space and airy with windows all around with a view of the park and a bit of the city skyline . it was nothing like mine , but it was n't shabby either . i saw little touches of her here , in the bright colors and soft throw pillows that she seemed to have a fondness for . she was back to being shy again but at lease it seemed to stem more from what i thought of her place this time . we 'd spent the day practically locked together in every way but one , so most of her reticence had melted away somewhat . `` i like it . grab some stuff you 're coming back with me . '' `` you ... i thought you said you were brining me home to take care of stuff and you 'll see me on monday ? '' i looked down at her as she turned that little innocent face up to me . `` i did say that baby , but i changed my mind . i 'm not ready for us to be apart . '' i had the fleeting thought that i may never be ready for that again , but squashed it . `` do you need help packing ? '' i thought i saw a bit of a smile touch the corners of her lips before she shook her head no . `` can i at least check my messages first ? '' she walked over to the machine and hit play as she dropped into a chair . i walked over to the bank of windows with my hands stuffed in my pockets . the first few messages were just business as usual , but then coming onto the end there was some guy , maybe her manager who seemed very irate that he could n't get ahold of her . `` i thought you said you did n't have anything plan for the next little while ? '' `` i do n't that 's just carl 's way , he likes to know where i am at all times . '' it sounded like a bit more than that to me , but i let it got for now . i 'm a grown man , so that means when she 's with me this carl person could go f**k himself , because i did n't need anyone keeping tabs on me . there was nothing else worrying on there and she headed into her bedroom to pack after offering me a drink , which i turned down . i just wanted out of there and back home as soon as possible . somehow i felt easier with her in my bed , behind my walls . she came back out with an overnight bag and dressed in a pair of her own jeans and a pullover . i took the bag and with her hand in mine headed for the door . monday morning i had to go in early to the office , so i eased her out of my arms and went to the shower . she was still out by the time i was dressed and ready to go so i leaned over the bed and kissed her awake . `` hmmm . '' she sighed into my mouth as she awakened with my tongue in hers . i ended up sitting on the side of the bed and pulling her into my lap for a longer kiss . truth is i hated the thought of leaving her . the last two days had been like none i 'd ever shared and we had n't even left the house except to go to her place . we 'd spent all day sunday lazing around in bed reading the paper , talking or making out . i 'd already called my doctor and made the appointments adding pressure for him to rush the results which he assured me can be done . `` i 'll see you in a couple hours princess , the car will come and get you around ten thirty , okay ? ''

i kissed her nose when she nodded against my chest and got up to leave . i did n't look back at her there in my bed in my old ratty tee shirt , i was sure i would n't want to leave her if i did . when it was time to send the car for her i changed my plans and instead of meeting her there i went after her myself . she was putting on her shoes when i came through the door and when she saw me standing there , f**k me if her whole face did n't light up and she made a running leap and jumped into the arms i had opened for her . `` hey beautiful , you missed me ? '' she sniffed my neck and nodded before i pulled her head around for my lips to find hers . `` we 'd better go , john promised me that if we did this early he could possibly get us the results by end of day today and i 'm afraid if we do n't i 'm gon na f**king explode . '' i pulled her down just enough for her to feel the evidence of my need . i had no doubts that she was clean and i was sure that i was , but somehow i wanted this , wanted us to start things off on the right foot . i ignored the little voice in my head that told me there was an ulterior motive behind my actions . there was no way i was thinking along those lines , no way in hell . shiane i wondered if he was always this attentive , or if as with all things new , this would change once he got what he wanted . will he start taking advantage of me as time went on ? he was like no other man i 'd ever known , except for maybe one . i 'd seen my dad treat my mom like a precious gem my whole life . it 's where i 'd got my dream of a prince charming . not from any storybook , but from the way i 'd seen my dad look at mom when he thought no one else was looking . or the way she was always looking to him when things went south . they 'd taught me to want that bond , to hold out for that and nothing less . trace seemed to have that in him , but i 'd been burnt once and my heart was a little gun shy . it had only been a few weeks since it was shattered after all . but here i was with sweaty palms and weak knees over this guy that i barely knew . the weekend had been the best one i 'd had in a long time . in fact i have n't felt that relaxed since the last time i 'd taken a trip home . neither of us seemed ready for the intrusion of the world just yet . we wanted to enjoy getting to know each other without all the speculation and other nonsense that came with stardom . downstairs there were two men in suits who looked like they 'd never smiled a day in their lives . `` this is your security , i 'm sure you have some already for business purposes , but these two are from me . they 'll shadow everywhere when i 'm not with you . my eyes widened at that . `` is that really necessary ? i 'm not that big of a star yet i do n't think . '' i tried laughing it off as he introduced me to the two and pulled me out the doors behind him . `` this has nothing to do with your status , it 's for my peace of mind . '' i started to wonder if this was something he 'd done for all the women in his past and why that should make me jealous . he squeezed my hand and looked down at me . `` no , you 're the first . '' `` how did you know what i was thinking ? '' `` i told you , the weekend was about getting to know each other , i picked up a few things . '' he smirked as he helped me into the back of the town car . i 'd told him of my fear of needles so he held my hand and talked to me while the doctor and the nurse did their thing , before having his taken care of . it did n't take that long and soon we were back in the car . `` i 'm taking you to the office for a quick tour and then it 's lunch . we 'll go somewhere that i 'm sure we 'd be left alone , i 'm not quite ready to share us yet . '' i rested my head on his shoulder and squeezed his hand that was still holding onto mine . i think he must 've planned this and warned everyone in the building not to give me the star treatment because i saw a lot of interested looks from his employees , but no one said anything more than a friendly hello . it was great . lunch was in a private room in one of the city 's more upscale restaurants where there were more a list stars than i 'd ever seen in one place at once except maybe an awards show . i was the one star-struck . `` is that ... ? '' `` yes it is . ''

i must 've said that a hundred times before we were seated . i craned my neck to see into the other room and he laughed at me . `` you 're so cute . they 're looking at you and you 're in awe of them . '' `` i 'm pretty sure they 're all wondering who i am , it 's you they 're looking at . '' i was n't sure i was too far off the mark , most of them were starlets and they might 've given me the once over , but their attention was definitely on him . i could n't blame them . what he did for a suit should be illegal . and to think that what was underneath was even more mouth wateringly spectacular . chapter 5 trace i sent her home in the car and went back to work , my mind on the results and how soon i can have them in my hands . i almost called john when the hours had drifted by and still no phone call . by the end of day when it was almost time to call it quits , the messenger showed up with the envelopes . i had no compunction about tearing into hers and reading the results . as soon as i got the all clear my body reacted . `` thank f**k ! '' i left my office almost at a run . my assistant called out to me as i was heading for the elevators . `` is it a matter of life or death susan ? '' `` uh no sir . '' `` then it 'll keep until tomorrow . '' i stepped in and pressed the down button . i would 've called her and let her know i was on the way but even that was too much right now . if i heard that sultry voice of hers on the phone i might embarrass myself again . i was on a hair trigger , the slightest thing would set me off , and the next time i cum , i want to be inside her . she came running when i cleared the door . `` hey you 're home i made din ... '' i threw the envelopes on the little side table near the entry and grabbed her up in my arms . `` later . '' my mouth came down on hers as i walked us blindly towards the bedroom . i did n't even stop kissing her long enough to take off the little summery top and shorts she wore . `` undress me . '' her hands shook a little as she went after my tie and then the buttons of my shirt while i dropped my jacket on the floor and kicked off my shoes . she seemed fascinated with the ink on my torso , and could n't help running her tongue over it , so i took care of my belt and the zipper on my pants before she stopped me . `` no , i wan na do it . '' i released it and left her to it . she 'd learned my body in the last tow days , as much as i would let her . i 'd refused to let her take my c**k in her mouth so she 'd spent what felt like hours measuring me in her hands and teasing the shit out of me while i sucked her ni**les and finger f**ked her . now she got to her knees and removed my socks . i watched her through half slitted eyes as she looked up at me with a mischievous twinkle in her eye , right before her tongue came out and licked the pr**cum from my cockhead . my body jerked and my hands fell to her hair , holding her in place as she licked and nibbled her way down my shaft , biting into my c**k ring , before taking half of me into her mouth . `` fuck ! '' i threw my head back as she massaged my c**k with her throat muscles and she had great control from all the voice exercises she 'd done over the years . i was almost ready to pop when she took my balls in her hand and caressed them with the lightest touch . `` that 's enough , i do n't want to cum in your mouth , not this first time . '' picking her up , i headed for the bed and laid her back with her legs splayed open . i had n't allowed myself the pleasure of studying her pu**y ; i was waiting for this moment . kneeling on the floor i ran my nose over her wet heat before pulling back and opening her up with my fingers . she was pink and soft and wet . i teased her with the tip of my tongue , before licking deep into her pu**y . her back bowed off the bed and she looked down at me in wonder . i got the idea from her reaction that this was a first for her . holding her ass in my hands i lifted her to my mouth and tongue f**ked her while she mewled and writhed , her fingers digging into my scalp . her taste was unlike anything i 'd ever savored before , salty sweet and fresh . she came on my tongue and filled my mouth with her sweet nectar .

i had visions of eating her sweet pu**y for hours , just burying my face in her cunt until they carted me away . my c**k was n't on board for that one though . i had to release one of her ass cheeks so i could squeeze him to get some relief . `` sorry baby , this is gon na be hard and rough , i ca n't wait any longer . climbing up her body i pulled her up higher on the bed and holding both her hands above her head , our eyes locked , i led my dick into her wet opening . she was tight as f**k and my c**k almost buckled . she flinched a little when i pushed the fat head of my c**k past her pu**y lips . `` fuck babe , you 're so f**king tight . '' i had to raise her legs so i could sink more of my c**k home and even then i was only able to get eight of the twelve inches inside . she hissed and clenched around me , her eyes widening in surprise as i tried to force more of my meat into her tight as f**k pu**y . `` i 'll try to go slow . '' lifting her ass i opened her pu**y more , screwing myself into her little by little until i was all in . it felt like hours instead of mere minutes when i was finally buried to the hilt inside her . as soon as my balls hit the crack of her ass i took her mouth . she fought to release her arms but i held firm . bending my head i sucked first one then the other nipple into my mouth , biting her in my lust crazed haze . she f**king flooded my c**k and screamed . i f**ked in and out of her like a beast , her pu**y 's tight grip driving me insane . her legs came up and around my waist , drawing me in deeper with every thrust . i finally released her arms so i could touch her body and she clutched at me , her nails digging into my back . i could n't seem to get deep enough in her , i wanted to imprint myself in her deeply , the thought moving me to lift her legs over my shoulders and bore into her . `` this is mine , no one else 's ever again ; only mine . '' i pushed my tongue into her mouth , not giving her a chance to answer . it would n't have mattered anyway ; it was a done f**king deal . i felt the familiar tingle up my spine but fought off my orgasm . i did n't want to leave her body so soon , wanted to stay enclosed in her wet heat for eternity . when the bed started knocking into the wall behind us , and her grunts became long drawn out moans , i knew she was close again . `` cum for me baby . '' i latched onto her neck with my teeth and sucked hard , leaving my mark there before moving to the flesh right above her left nipple and doing the same . my sweet girl squeezed my c**k between her pu**y walls and i felt the heat of her pu**y juice as she bathed my c**k once more . `` yesssssss ... '' her long drawn out hiss only made the fever burn hotter . i wanted to f**k her from behind , but did n't want to leave her body long enough to change positions . instead i teased her little rosebud with my fingertip and felt the answering tightening around my cock ; she liked that . i used the lubrication of her juices to coat my fingers and pushed one , then two into her ass up to the first knuckle . she almost bit off my tongue that i 'd just shoved back in her mouth . the combination was too much for me and i roared into her mouth as i emptied my seed deep inside her . i was n't done there though , i ground my pelvis into hers , flexing my still shooting c**k inside her . her response had me pulling my mouth away from hers to look down into her eyes . her eyes were glazed over and half closed , her mouth open in a silent scream ; but it had been the electrifying shaking of her body beneath me that had caught my attention . she was sight of wantonness as i took her in , and i was n't surprised to feel my c**k hardening once more inside her . `` can you take me again ? '' i asked the question but i knew there was no way i was stopping now . i had three days build up to work off . the sheets were already drenched beneath us as i bent my knees and pulled her up into my chest so we could reverse positions . i kept my knees bent behind her back as she sat up in the cradle of my lap , mu c**k going deeper up into her . `` give me your nipple baby . '' she leaned over like she barely had the strength to do even that and i sucked her nipple in hard as i used my hands on her hips to help her f**k herself on my cock .

in the mirror across from the bed , i could see where we were joined , see the glistening length of my c**k as it slid in and out of her . her ass incited me to madness and i bit down on her nipple even as i sped up my thrusts , pounding up into her . she flooded my pelvis and lower stomach with more of her pu**y juice and i lost it , biting into her flesh as she rode out the storm with me . `` arggghhhh . '' i pulled her down hard one last time as my c**k spat more sperm inside her . she fell to the side limp , her hand cupping her pu**y as her body shook with after shocks . i was breathing like i 'd just run a marathon , but i had enough strength in me to reach over and touch her . her body was on fire , and the way she rolled around clutching herself led me to believe i 'd hurt her . i got off the bed after kissing her shoulder and headed into the bathroom to run her a bath when i got back into the bedroom she was just laying there looking dazed . `` is your pu**y sore ? '' she blushed and buried her face in the pillow . i grinned and picked her up and she did her kitten curl into my chest and nuzzled me . i kissed her hair as i walked us into the bathroom . i did n't trust myself to get into the tub with her , so instead i placed her inside and picked up the washcloth to bathe her . she had n't said a word since i 'd finished f**king her so and i was beginning to think she was poleaxed . `` you okay princess ? '' she turned glazed eyes my way and gave me a little half smile . `` what was that ? '' `` what was what sweetie ? '' i ran the washcloth over her tits , taking great care with her beautiful ni**les that were still semi erect , before working the cloth down her middle to her pu**y . `` that just happened in there . '' her face heated up again and i could n't resist stealing a quick kiss . `` you were n't a virgin babe so i know you know what sex is . '' she started shaking her head before i was through speaking . `` that was n't se trace , that was , wow , shit , wow ... '' she blushed and hid behind her hair . `` oh yeah ? '' i grinned at her as i used the washcloth to rub against her clit . she arched her back , pushing her cunt into my hand . i could actually feel her heat beneath the cloth as i cupped her pu**y mound . i dropped the cloth in the water and teased her swollen clit with my fingers while sucking her tongue into my mouth . so much for giving her a break ! water went all over the floor as i lifted her from the tub . my c**k was at full staff and leading the ay as i cradled her in my arms and took her back to the bed . i walked around to the other side since that one was wet . thank f**k for king sized beds . again i did n't want to give up her mouth or her tits to f**k her doggie style so i took her down to the mattress with my body covering hers . reaching my hand between us , i used my c**k to rub up and down her slit , hitting her clit with each upward stroke and rubbing the sensitive underside of my c**k against her wet heat until i slipped into her in my last downward stroke . `` ohh ... '' her soft sigh broke the silence as i started f**king in and out of her , slowly this time . i told myself that i would go slow if it killed me , that i would n't hurt her . it was tough but i held on . with my face buried in her neck , i rode her nice and slow as she lifted up to meet my thrusts over and over again . i alternated between deep stroking into her and grinding my c**k into her belly . her legs opened wider and i slipped even deeper into her . it was a long time before i felt the familiar stirrings in my nuts again . her mouth was red and swollen from me eating at her lips and her neck was a mess from the five or six hickeys i 'd given her . looking down at her my heart jumped in my chest with all the things i imagined doing to her . the last thought had me speeding up as i started pounding into her . `` you 're not on birth control . '' i bit her ear after reminding her of that fact but there was more yet to come . `` you 're ovulating . '' it 's amazing what they can find in those medical tests these days . her breath caught as though she 'd just thought of it , but even more telling was the way her cunt tightened around my shaft . i roared out loud as i shot a heavy load inside her , my last thought being that i 'd lost my f**king mind . one look , it had taken one look at her to take me over .

how was that even possible ? for a man like me it was n't even worth thinking on . i would never have believed in a million years that something like this could ever happen to someone like me . cynical , do n't give a f**k and a beast in the boardroom ; love and marriage was nowhere on my horizon ; until three nights ago when i 'd looked into her eyes across a stage . i stayed buried inside her as we came down so it was a minute or two before i realized that she was out . pulling out of her body , i drew her into my arms as i fell to my side beside her . the cool air of the ac dried my nuts as i pulled the sheet up over us and dropped into sleep . we awakened a short time later and took a shower to clean up and then had to take another after i violated her up against the shower stall . i had n't planned to , but seeing her with water dripping down between her amazing tits and pebbled on her ni**les , it was pretty hard to resist . i was careful as i lifted her with her back to the stall and surged up into her , dropping her down on my length . it had been years since i 'd f**ked anyone that long and that often , in fact i do n't think i 'd ever gone four times before and i still was n't done . it was as if each time only whetted my appetite for more . and the way she responded to me , accepting and ready each time i took her . `` if you want to get any rest tonight and maybe wan na walk anytime soon , you 'd better stop me . '' i whispered in her ear as i nibbled my way down to her neck and back . my c**k was still hard inside her and i 'd just off loaded in her for the fourth time . her legs were still clasped around my hips as i kept her pinned against the shower . her answer was to pull my lips over to hers and smash her tits into my chest . as the water beat down on us , i took her down to the hard floor and started f**king her again . `` this is f**king insane . '' was it because i 'd slept with her in my arms for three whole nights and not taken her ? i could n't think of a reason for this hunger that would n't be assuaged . the more i had her the more i wanted , but if we kept this shit up she 'd spend the next three weeks bed ridden . already i had noticed the red puffiness to her labia and heard the slight sounds of discomfort she made even as she spurred me on to f**k her . i was sure i was killing her against the marble floor , the grunts and groans she made were becoming almost animalistic , but she threw her hips up at me taking my c**k like a pro as i did my best to nail her into her ground beneath us . this time when i came the roar was more like a grunt as i shook and thrust into her until i was dry . `` that 's it , we 're getting out of here , please try to keep your greedy hands to yourself shiane , my poor man 's body can only take so much . '' she threw herself into my arms and howled with laughter and i felt my heart give a little more . we finally made it out of the bathroom and both just threw on robes as we headed down to the kitchen . `` did you say you made dinner ? '' `` yep . '' she went to the pots and pans on the stove and i lifted my brow quizzically . i guess i was guilty of stereo typing after all , i had n't expected the little pop sensation to know her way around the kitchen . she 'd made a dinner of grilled lamb chops of all things , with rice pilaf and creamed green peas . `` i hope i did n't spoil it . '' yeah right . `` nope , the lamb was n't grilled yet , it 's still sitting in the marinade it 'll take five minutes to cook and the rest of the stuff can be reheated no problem . you just sit and i 'll take care of everything , '' `` yes ma'am . '' i opened a bottle of wine and poured her a glass , taking one for myself as i sat at the island and watched her flit around my kitchen . she seemed , happy . it was strange to look at this almost stranger and realize that already i 'd come to know her so well . did she even realize that she 'd started signing ? she had n't done that since she 'd been here . i would 've thought that she spent every waking moment singing , but this was the first time since i 'd brought her home that i 'd heard her so much as hum .

it was n't the song from the other night , this one was slow and dreamy , with a catchy little lilt to it that made me want to strain to hear the words since she was singing so low . `` sing louder princess i wan na hear you . '' she turned wide eyes to me and looked down at her feet . `` i 'm not really good at that . '' `` come again . '' `` i mean i 've learned how to control my fear somewhat before i go out on stage , but i ca n't really sing in front of anyone just like that . '' `` so how do you do it ? '' 'my manager gives me these pills ... '' i did n't like the sounds of that one bit . `` what kind of pills ? '' i lowered my glass and looked at her . `` it 's nothing bad , just something to calm my anxiety . '' `` is there a prescription ? '' `` no nothing like that , i never even asked him where he gets them ... '' `` do you have them with you now ? '' `` no why ? '' she looked at me quizzically . '' `` i 'll just like to have a look at them that 's all , make sure they 're okay . '' `` oh i 'm sure they 're fine doug would never do anything to hurt me . '' `` so you have the pills back at your place ? '' `` no , doug keeps them with him , he gives me one before each performance or sometimes when i have to go on one of those talk shows . looks like i was gon na have to have a talk with her manager . she was so f**king green , i was sure it would never cross her mind to question anything the man did . though i did n't know him personally , i 'm a businessman and i know all about the bottom line . her voice is like liquid gold , i 'm sure dear old doug would do anything to see that nothing got in the way of her making them money . that was something else i was gon na have to look into as well . when i 'd made the decision to own her , everything that she is became my responsibility . there might be some friction because i 've noticed that she has a bit of an independent streak , but i had no intentions on letting that stop me . though i 'd save it for another time , nothing was going to mar the night for us . `` voila , dinner is ready . '' she seemed nervous as she served me , and then herself . i closed my eyes with the first taste of the succulent lamb . `` wow , where did you learn to cook like this ? '' `` my mom taught me and i love watching the cooking channel , you really like it ? '' i took another bite and it was good as the first . nodding my head i leaned over and pecked her lips . `` it 's amazing princess , wow . '' i kept the conversation light over dinner , asking her more about life on tour and what she enjoyed most about her fame . as far as i could tell she was more interested in the singing than anything else . `` um , trace , you were n't serious about that ovulating thing were you ? '' i 'd almost forgotten about that , still was n't quite sure what had possessed me to think of it much less say it . but now that she 'd asked me outright ... `` as a matter of fact i am . it 's crazy i know , and if one of my colleagues had come to me with this story i would tell him he 's crazy . i have no explanation for it , the reality is that from the moment i saw you up on that stage something inside me shifted . '' `` i find myself reverting back to childhood , to a time when i had to scrounge for every scrap i wanted or needed . when i became successful , i promised myself that i 'd never go hungry again , and not just for food , but for any of those things i 'd longed for as a child , or anything my heart may desire as an adult . '' `` you 're the first thing my heart 's ever desired . i 've known wants before do n't get me wrong , but this , this is different . this goes beyond my own comprehension . like i told you before , this past weekend was about getting to know each other and i 've gotten to know you . you would n't have come home with me had you not felt some of what i was feeling . i also know that you 're more about hearth and home than the night life . '' i did n't tell her that i knew that 's why she 'd stayed with the ass**le who 'd ended up cheating on her . i 'd done some research after she was less than forthcoming about the reason for their split . it was n't a known fact as yet but i had my ways of finding out things . i wo n't tell her that i knew though ; it was her story to tell if and when she was ready .

i did know that if i ever ran into the little prick , i was gon na beat the crap out of him for putting his hands on her though . it did n't matter that i did n't even know her when it happened , it 's just the way i am , or at least it 's the way i seem to be where she 's concerned . `` but a baby ? we hardly even know each other . '' `` i do n't think that whatever is going on here has anything to do with time and convention . either way , it 's nothing to worry about now . what 's done is done , and if it is n't , i 'm gon na make damn sure that it is . the only problem is your upcoming tour , but i 'm sure people have performed while pregnant before . '' `` do you know how crazy this all sounds ? '' i shrugged my shoulders at her . i thought it was crazy too in the beginning so i could n't fault her for having her own doubts . it was crazy when you looked at it , but it 's what i felt and well ... `` i 'm sure there have been people who got married after only one day of meeting or maybe two . i 'm even more sure that there are people who get pregnant after just one meeting . look at this way ; at least we both know where we stand . if the last few hours are anything to go by , we want each other more than a little bit and the bottom line is princess . i want you , in my life , with me , no matter what . so baby or no baby , you 've met your future , so i suggest you get used to the idea . '' `` what if i had other plans ? '' `` like i said , i 've gotten to know you , and all that aside , this is what i want baby . as time goes on you 'll find that i never let anything stand in my way , nothing and no one . dinner was delicious why do n't you go find us something to watch while i clean up ? '' chapter 6 shiane i guess the conversation was over and what a strange one at that . i headed out of the kitchen on wobbly legs for the tv room to find something to watch , though i really did n't have much interest . my mind was awhirl with all the new things that were going on in my life . in the space of a few short days , it seems my life had been turned upside down . i find myself doing things that were totally outside the box for me . but this latest was a lot to take in , though the thought of it made me hot . trace was right . i 've always only ever wanted to be a mother and a wife . i 'd thought i would have that life with donnie , but was it possible to have it with this man that i 'd only just met ? what if he was just saying these things because like he 'd said , he 'd come to know me and knew that 's just what i wanted to hear ? how was it possible that he could want me like that after a chance meeting ? i 'd spent some time today looking for any and everything i could find about him on the net . the one thing that stood out except for his success as a businessman , was the fact that he had a different woman every couple of months . had he used this same line on them ? somehow , he did n't strike me as the type . still , i had another worry . the things he 'd made me feel . how will i live without them if this was all just a game to him ? he 'd made me feel things i never knew were in me . my body has never reacted this way before , and even though his size was a little uncomfortable , the pain was more a pleasure-pain than a real hurt . i felt myself creaming just thinking about it . could a man really make love to a woman that much without some kind of feeling involved ? what if it was just lust ? i 'd seen pictures of some of the women he 'd dated in the past and i have to say some of them were drop dead gorgeous , including the last one he 'd been seen with a couple weeks ago . the though caused me a moment 's doubt and i thought if ways to shield my heart this time , but i was afraid i might be too late . he 'd taken me over completely , something i had no experience with . i had n't the faintest idea how to handle a man like trace mckenzie . he was way out of my league . i heard him coming and searched through the stack of movies he had for something to watch . he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me from behind . `` what makes you think something 's wrong ? '' i looked over my shoulder at him trying to put a brave face on . `` i was n't sure when i first came in but now i 'm certain it 's all over your face . '' he pulled me towards the couch and down on his lap with his arms holding me close .

for some reason i wanted to cry ; he 's been so kind and attentive in the time that we 'd been together , what if it were all a farce ? i had no idea that i 'd started to cry until i felt his fingers wiping my cheeks dry . `` tell me what 's bothering you sweetheart . '' i could only shake my head and cry harder as i buried my face in his chest . `` please do n't play games with me trace , i ca n't stand it if you 're just using me for some sick game ... '' i broke off when he lifted my face to his . `` baby ! i forgot you do n't know that much about men , only that boy you were messing around with . let me show you something . '' he stood up and took my hand in his , leading me out of the room and into the bedroom . standing me in front of the floor-length standing mirror , he removed my robe , dropping it to the floor , as i stood before him naked . `` you see those marks all over your neck and tits ? do you know what those are called ? '' `` hickeys ? '' `` that 's one word for it , they 're also known as passion marks . i 've never given one to a woman before . not since i learned what they meant as a young man . they may mean different things to different people . to me , they are a mark of ownership . '' `` that 's my mark on you . i put it there as a statement to you and anyone else who might see them , the ones on your neck anyway , anyone else sees the others , i 'll heat up your little ass . '' his hand dropped to one in particular spot that was right at the tip of my pu**y . `` another thing , i do n't think a man that 's not really interested in a woman can f**k her five times if he did n't really mean it . '' `` five ? '' i started counting on my fingers and got to four before i was being carted off to the bed . i looked up into his eyes as he laid me back and spread my legs before dropping his robe . his c**k was hard and red , with a string of pr**cum hanging from the end heading for the floor . trace i knew she had to be sore , but she also seemed to need reassuring and for now this was the best i could do . only time will convince her that this was the real deal . fuck i was just as confused as she was , but unlike her , i was n't about to let doubts get in the way of what i wanted . taking her soreness into consideration , i dropped to my knees between her spread thighs and opened her pu**y lips gently with my fingers . she was a little red and puffy from too much f**king , but she was also getting wet . i licked her clit with the tip of my tongue , staying away from her pu**y slit for now . `` ooh ... '' i love how f**king responsive she is , the way she lights up as soon as i put my hands on her . i licked and sucked her clit until her juices started coming fast and furious . then i dipped my tongue into her pu**y , going slow so i could soothe the ache in her overused cunt . she gripped my hair and mashed her pu**y into my mouth before she filled my mouth with pu**y juice . when she came down from her climax i helped her up from the bed and folding her in my arms kissed her long and deep , sharing her taste with her . we tongue f**ked each others ' mouths like starving wolves and my c**k was poking into her navel as she rubbed herself against me . `` suck me off baby . '' she slid down to her knees and studied my c**k before sticking out her tongue and licking the pr**cum from my cockhead . she 's an enigma , all shy and blushing one minute and my little vixen the next . i had a moment of jealousy at the thought that she 'd done this with that ass**le but let it go for now . i 'm a very territorial f**ker , i knew i had to live with the fact that he 'd had her but i needed to erase him from her memory . she licked along my shaft before sucking the fat head of my c**k into her mouth and sliding her mouth down my length until she 'd taken me in as deeply as she could . i fisted her hair and waited until i was in her throat before i started thrusting in and out of her mouth , going slow at first , until i picked up the pace . pretty soon i was face f**king her and she was moaning around me cock . i looked down past her eyes that were staring up at me and saw that she had her fingers stuffed in her pu**y. i almost shot my load then and there . she did some kinda muscle spasm around my c**k and my toes curled .

i pulled back so that i was no longer in her throat but on her tongue . i did n't warn her that i was about to cum , why would i ? she was going to swallow unless i said otherwise , and the only time i 'll do that is when i was in the mood to paint her face , her tits or the small of her back . she almost gagged on the first volley . `` easy , breathe princess . '' she soon got the hang of it and was swallowing fast enough in time to catch the next load . when my balls were empty and my knees were almost too weak to stand i helped her to her feet and took her to the bed . `` forget the movie baby , you need me to hold you . '' i laid down behind her with her much tinier frame completely covered by my arms and legs , cocooning her as i whispered in her ear . `` everything 's going to be okay princess , i promise . if you 've learned anything about me so far , you should know i 'm not a man that plays games . `` but you 've had girlfriends before ; did you feel the same way with them ? '' her voice had gone all soft there at the end and i felt her body tense as if expecting a blow . `` let me ask you this ; do you feel the same with me as you did with him ? '' now it was my turn to tense up as i awaited her answer . when it came , it went a long way of easing the green-eyed beast that had been trying its best to rear its ugly head . `` no , i 've never ... but it 's not the same . you 've had so much more experience and i 'm sure i do n't measure up to some of them . '' `` that 's where you 're wrong sweetheart , first of all none of them ever came close and besides its about more than the physical . sometimes in life you find that one being that you ca n't live without , you may have sampled a lot along the way , but when you found the one , it 's a whole new ballgame . '' `` tell me , what did you feel that night when our eyes meet ? '' she turned around in my arms and looked up into my eyes . `` it was like being struck by lightning , or at least what i imagine that would feel like . i felt a jolt to my system and i think i forgot how to breathe for a minute . i almost panicked because for a split second i forgot the words to the song . '' `` there you see ? have you ever felt that before with anyone ? '' she shook her head and bit her lip . i could see the soft sheen of tears in her eyes and pulled her close to kiss her forehead . `` it was pretty much the same with me baby ; so the next time you start doubting what we have , just remember those few minutes . now go to sleep , you 've had a long day . '' i turned her back around intending to go to sleep , but by now my c**k was raging again . `` lift your leg baby . '' she lifted her top leg and i scooted down far enough to line up my c**k with her pu**y. i slid in and held still pulling her back firmly against my front . `` i 'm not going to f**k you again tonight , we 'll just stay like this until you fall asleep , you need your man to stay inside you to keep the doubts away . '' i was suddenly very tired , and it was n't long before i fell asleep to the sound of her breathing evenly in sleep . in the morning , i awakened to her pushing her ass back against me with my c**k still lodged inside her . with my hand on her hip , i controlled the pace . `` can you take me hard or do you need me to go slow baby ? '' i nipped her ear as she flooded my cock . `` harder , please harder . '' `` please what harder ? '' she did n't answer so i reached around and pinched her nipple . `` tell me or i 'll stop . '' i held still and she tried to f**k herself on my cock . i pulled back as if i was going to leave her body . `` noooo , please , harder ... fuck me harder . '' fuck , i think that shit backfired on my ass , because her sweet voice saying those words triggered something inside me . leaning up on my elbow i reached my hand around and fingered her clit . `` put your arm behind my neck . '' she complied with my order and i bent my head to her nipple . she screamed and went off like a rocket from the dual pleasure , or was it triple ? i f**ked into her hard as i played with her clit and sucked her nipple . i imagined my son or daughter nursing at her bountiful tits some day soon and the next time her pu**y clenched around me , i shot off inside her . it was harder than i imagined it would be to leave her the next day .

chapter 7 for the next three weeks , we stayed hidden away in our lover 's paradise . each day , i went off to work and left her home . and each night , i came home and after dinner , f**ked her into the wee hours of the morning . when it was time for her to go back to work , i thought i would lose my f**king mind . i did n't want to share her with anyone . i knew it was selfish ; she had a life , a career that she loved . `` i want you to move in here with me . '' she did n't seem too certain , still fighting those doubts i guess . `` scratch that , i 'll send a service over to help you pack up , but when i get home this evening your little ass better be here . '' i left before she could give me an argument . i was pissed off the whole day and did n't know why . in the last three weeks , i could pick up the phone and call her whenever i wanted . now she was busy doing her thing . i did n't like it one f**king bit . when had i become this person ? i knew that what i felt for this girl was more than i 'd ever felt before , but still , this overpowering need to possess her completely , to dominate her life , was new to me . her upcoming show was out of town and i would n't be able to make it because of the timing . i was going to be without her for two weeks while she travelled outside the country for a eight night show . she 'd been going to the studio to rehearse the last couple of days coming onto the end of our time together , but she 'd been there in the evenings . she never said what if anything her handlers had said about the arrangement , but that could be because i 'd let her know one day when she tried to broach the subject that i really did n't give a f**k. i heard her as soon as i cleared the door that evening . good , that meant i did n't have to hunt her down and drag her ass back home . i 'd half expected her to disobey my order to be here when i got home . there were boxes in the living room and i breathed a little easier . looks like i was getting my way after all . `` hey ! '' she was in the kitchen when i walked up on her . she had n't heard me because she had earphones on . pulling them out , she looked up at me with her little shy smile . i knew she was fretting again about where we were going . i imagine moving in here with me was a big step for her . she 'd never lived with a man before , and i had to keep reminding myself that she was young yet . `` did everything go okay with the move today ? '' `` yeah , i still have some stuff to bring over and some will have to go into storage . '' `` did they give you any trouble with the lease ? '' `` uh about that ... i 'm not sure that i wan na give up the place just yet . '' i just looked at her not saying anything . `` when i asked you to move in here , did you think i meant for a few weeks or something ? '' `` no , i do n't know . '' `` take care of the lease shiane . or i will . do n't forget , i 'm a businessman . it makes no sense whatsoever for you to keep that place and pay the exorbitant rent for an empty apartment . i understand that you still have doubts and fears , but i 'm not about to let them get in the way of things . i 've spent the last three weeks trying to show you , but apparently that was n't enough so you 're just gon na have to decide if you want to take a chance at happiness or not . a word to the wise : i wo n't pay for someone else 's short- comings . so if that 's what this is about , you can kill that shit right f**king now . '' it seemed like we were about to have our first real argument there for a minute , but then she backed down . she needed me to take charge and i had no problem with that . she 'd gone from under her parents ' care , straight to this manager 's handling , so basically , she 's been told what to do her whole life . some people rebel against that , but with shiane , it was quite the opposite . she needed it . she left two days later for europe and i spent the time gathering as much information as i could on her manager and the other people around her . i did n't like that pill deal she 'd told me about , and from some of the things she 'd said , i was n't too sure that her best interest was being taken care of . as her man , it was up to me to see that no one was taking advantage of her .

and though our relationship had been spared the spotlight thus far , it was only a matter of time before word leaked out . and how would it look for wall street 's whiz kid to be letting others take advantage of his woman ? we talked every night after her show no matter what time it was , that was a stipulation that i 'd made before she left . she could get away during the day because i knew she was busy with rehearsals , but at night i needed to know that she was safe . we did facetime until she fell asleep ; each night , i could see that my baby was exhausted but she seemed to be having fun . there was a lot of buzz in the headlines about her shows but i did n't listen or read any of it . that was until two days before she was due back . my assistant was reading one of those crappy magazines that were filled with half-truths and innuendo . that 's how i 'd always seen them until i saw my woman walking out of some restaurant in italy with her ex . i did n't want to fly off the handle ; the caption said the picture had been snapped the night before which had to mean it was before we 'd spoken and she had n't mentioned it to me . my first instinct was to get on a plane and got drag her ass home after dealing with both of them , but common sense and rationality won out . i could n't go half way around the world to kill her . no , i 'll wait 'til she gets back and strangle her ass in the privacy of our own home . that night when she called , she still did n't mention it and i played like nothing was wrong . there was something in her voice but i was n't quite sure what it was . `` so you 've got your final show tomorrow night yes ? '' `` yes , and then i 'll be home . '' `` i 'll be waiting . '' the next night when she called , i did n't answer . i 'd spent the whole day in a contained rage and had pretty much locked myself away in my office . i 'd come to terms with the fact that i did n't believe for a second that she 'd cheated on me , but whatever reason she had for being with him was not good enough . and the fact that she had n't mentioned it to me , only infuriated me more . she was home when i got in the next day . when she ran to me and jumped into my arms i held her close but did n't kiss her . she knew something was wrong and her eyes followed me across the room . `` is something wrong ? '' `` is there something you want to tell me shiane ? '' she looked at me at sea . i pulled out the magazine i 'd had hidden in the drawer of the little side table and threw it at her . her eyes widened when she saw it and she looked up at me with fear in her eyes . `` it 's not what it looks like . i can explain . '' i walked away from her and into the bedroom to remove my jacket and tie where she followed me a few seconds later . `` trace ... '' `` were you the one that was afraid of me cheating on you ? '' she 'd never seen me this way before , so she had no way of knowing that the precise movements and contained tone was a sure sign that her ass was in trouble . `` but i did n't cheat , he was on tour because we have a few duets together and ... '' `` and you did n't tell me this because ... '' `` i did n't want to cause any problems . '' she looked down at the floor and rung her hands . `` and the restaurant ? '' `` everyone was there that night . '' `` did you talk to him ? '' `` i ... '' i saw the answer in the guilty look in her eyes . `` take off your clothes . '' `` now . '' she jumped and reached for the buttons on her shirt . i was naked by now and walked around to my closet . i came back out with my leather strap and she took one look at it and tried to make a run for it . `` you do n't really want to make this any worst than it already is do you ? '' that stopped her in her tracks but she was still halfway out of the room . `` come here ... do n't make me have to tell you again shiane . '' i almost caved when she turned big tear filled eyes my way . she took a deep breath to fortify herself and then walked slowly towards me with her head down . i did n't turn her over my knee . i was too angry for that . instead , i brought the belt down across her ass and thighs as she hopped from foot to foot pleading with me to stop . `` please trace nothing happened . '' `` i do n't want to hear it , you had your chance to tell me this shit before you left here . '' i gave her a good twenty hard blows with the belt until she was a crying slobbering mess .

still not satisfied i left her there crying and walked out of the room . i went for a long drive to cool down but by the time i got back , i was still no better than when i left . she was in the middle of our bed with her arm locked around her bent knees rocking back and forth . we looked at each other but i still was n't ready to talk to her . i felt betrayed ; it was a new feeling for me . it had been a long time since anyone had had the guts to cross me . i headed into the shower in the hopes that the water would help to soothe my ragged nerves but no luck . she was wearing my old tee shirt , which she 'd taken with her when she 'd left . `` lose the shirt . '' she hurried to comply though i noticed her eyes fell to my hands to make sure she was n't about to get another whipping . i climbed onto the bed and turned her around roughly . in the three weeks we 'd bee together , as hard as i 'd been f**king her , i 'd always held something back , but not tonight , tonight i was going to give her the f**king i 've been dying to but did n't because her little pu**y was still having trouble taking my cock . i did n't take the time to prepare her , this was a punishment after all , i planned to use her body tonight for my own pleasure until i 'd freed myself of this burning rage . i had her bent over in the middle of the bed , her legs spread , head down and her pu**y in the air . licking my fingers i ran them roughly over her pu**y , dipping my middle finger into her wet heat before straddling her from behind . i did n't knee behind her , that would n't achieve my aim . i stood with my legs on either side of hers , slightly bent . from this angle i could drill down into her . i 'm sure it would be a little harder for her to take me in this position but i really could give a f**k at this point . i ran my c**k ring up and down her slit until she started to get wet , then i slammed into her only giving her about half my length . she screamed into the mattress and her body shook but i did n't stop pounding until i was balls deep in her upturned pu**y . grabbing a fistful of her hair , i pulled her head back until i could see down into her eyes . i saw pain , but there was lust there as well as i battered her pu**y with my cock . when i felt her clenching , i pulled out and left her panting . she looked over her shoulder at me but she did n't have the nerve to say anything to me . when i was sure she was n't about to cum , i screwed my c**k back into her , pulling her ass up higher to keep her at the angle i wanted . i kept pulling out to tease her with the piercing in the end of my c**k because i knew how much she loved that , but not giving her enough to get her off . the hoarse cries told me that i was hurting her , even as her pu**y got wetter and wetter . `` please trace . '' `` not another f**king word . '' i tugged on her hair for emphasis and she bit her lip . she could n't hide the f**k me noises that seemed to come from her gut , and her pu**y was on fire . i love those noises she made as i f**ked into her my c**k ring was hitting her just right and she started pushing back trying to get more of my twelve inches inside her . as pissed as i was i held off though , because i knew her tight little pu**y could n't handle too much in this position , not so soon , it was going to take lots of f**king before that could happen without me tearing her . i pulled out and licked into her pu**y , going deep , she screamed and came in my mouth before i climbed back onto my feet and fed her eight inches of my meat . that 's as deep as i could go before bottoming out inside her with her ass high in the air . `` as soon as i 've broken in your tight little pu**y , i 'm going to ass f**k you . '' she clenched around me and came again . i was n't anywhere near cumming so i settled in for a nice long f**k. her body was still shaking and her cries were dying down to low moans . she tried getting her hand under her to touch her sore pu**y but a hard smack on her ass stopped her in her tracks . `` do n't do it . '' finally , i lowered her ass just a little and dropped to my knees behind her and the movement sent me all the way into her . it triggered another one of her magnificent climaxes and she squeezed my c**k like a vise .

i bit into the flesh of her back to her neck before pulling her head back and to the side for my tongue . `` i love you trace . '' that stopped me mid stroke , the shock of it , but that did n't last too long . `` i love you too , but this is n't about that . you f**ked up . i 'm pissed as f**k at you . '' i brought her off three more times until i felt my balls draw up to my body in preparation to blast . `` you do n't deserve my seed . '' i pulled out and pushed her away from me . she turned around in time to watch me jerk my seed into the sheets . her cry of dismay cut through the air as i climbed off the bed and headed to the shower . i was only in there two minutes when i felt her come in and stand in front of me . i kept my head back and eyes closed as i ran the cloth over my chest . `` trace , i 'm so sorry . i was n't thinking . i wo n't do it again . she was crying as her hands came up to touch me tentatively . i finished my shower without saying a word to her and walked away . i stripped the bed after drying myself off and putting on a pair of boxers . she was coming out of the shower by the time i was finished remaking the bed she looked at me as i passed her and left the room . in the kitchen , i ignored the dinner she 'd made and made myself a sandwich before shutting myself away in my private office . it was hours before i felt human again . i 'd called the detail i 'd had following her unbeknownst to her and got the same story from them . that eased my anger some but there was still the issue of why she did n't tell me that her ex was going to be on this trip . from what they 'd said , he 'd been hounding her the whole time she was there but she 'd seemed disinterested . like i said , i never thought she 'd cheated on me with him ; i still did n't want her having anything at all to do with him . along with that , the reports on her manager were n't looking too good . it was just as i 'd suspected , he was using the young girl for his own gains . she had been robbed of a good three million dollars in the two years she 'd been signed . money from different venues that i 'm sure she was n't even aware of . she was n't hurting for money , not by a long shot , but still it was n't for him or anyone else to rip her off . before i confronted him though , i was still waiting for the results of the in depth investigation of everyone that had anything to do with her career . she was curled into a ball on my side of the bed when i finally upstairs hours later . i stood over her for the longest time until i felt my heart settle . i would n't have chosen a moment of anger in which to tell her that i loved her , but she 'd chosen the time and place . now it was out there , i 'd shown her my heart , as well as giving it to her . we could never go back now , from here on out we were one and for me that meant a whole lot of shit . she 'd only gotten a taste of the man tonight , if she f**ked up in the future it could be worst . turning away , i walked to my side and climbed in with my back to her . she must 've gravitated to me in her sleep , because i woke before the sun the next day to find her curled into my back . lifting my arm , i turned and pulled her into my arms . she was barely awake when i turned her to her back and slipped into her wet heat . she clutched at me in her sleep before she came fully awake . `` trace ... '' her voice was that of a little girl lost . `` shh , it 's okay i 'm here . '' i pushed her hair back so i could look into her eyes as i stroked my c**k in and out of her . `` wrap your legs around me princess . '' she lifted her legs around my waist pulling me in deeper . i never took my eyes off of hers ; i wanted to see what was there , what words could never say because there were n't enough . when i came i captured her lips with mine and accepted her moans into my lungs as she gave me her sweet nectar . she tightened around me and cried out at my admission . chapter 8 things settled down somewhat after that and we lived a life of peaceful bliss for the next month and a half . i took her away on my jet for long weekends . we played , we laughed we enjoyed each other and the more time went by , the more in love with her i became . i no longer questioned the strangeness of our meeting , or why it had been so easy for me to make the decisions i had after so many years of living and thinking one way .

she was my beautiful girl , the owner of my heart . her career was doing extremely well , her records were going platinum all over the place and she was in high demand . she had another local show coming up this weekend . this time i was ready when she approached my hesitantly to let me know that her ex was going to be performing at the show . i had had time to prepare myself since i 'd already gotten a line-up of what was in store for that night . i 've been following her career since the day we met and now i have all the information i needed to send her manager and a couple lawyers to jail . i have n't told her what i 'd found as yet . did n't want to upset her this close to her performance and i 'd only just got the last of the result . it had taken this long because the lawyers had been very slick with their thievery . too bad for them i know how to follow the money trail , all i need is the scent . i planned to tell her this weekend after the show though and i already had my lawyers on standby to take care of shit . shiane trace has been so unbelievably amazing in the last month or so . it 's like everyday he goes out of his way to relieve my fears . maybe it 's because we were able to keep our romance out of the public eye , but i was having more fun being in love with him than i 'd ever thought possible . i decided to take a page out of his book and try to really get to know him . i 'd watch him when he was n't looking , and paid attention to the little things , like how he shielded my body with his whenever we were going somewhere . how he always seemed to have to touch me whenever we were together no matter where we were ; or the way he 'd run his hand through my hair absentmindedly while we sat together watching a movie . i especially loved the way he made love to me . ever since that night when he 'd punished me , which now when i think back on it was hot as hell ; he 's been this super boyfriend though it seems kinda weird thinking of him in that way , he 's so much more than a boy . i 'd told my family about him and dad and him had had a few private conversations over the last few weeks that i was n't privy to , but my family seemed to love and accept him even with the age difference . now i have a show coming up tonight and i 'm more nervous than usual . not because of the show itself , no , trace had taken care of that as ell . he 'd found this lady that specialized in curing people like me . she just put me through this series of exercises that helped to calm me down before each appearance . it was an ongoing process but so far it seemed to be working . i no longer had that sick fear of bombing on stage . no tonight 's fear stemmed from the fact that donnie was there and i knew form our last one sided conversation that he was going to try to get back with me again . because trace and i had been able to keep our relationship hidden , he along most of the known world were under the impression that i was still pining for him . then there were the rumors of us sneaking around together . one tabloid had gone so far as to print that very suggestion . i thought trace would lose his mind . he 'd gone on a tear even going so far as to call up someone to handle the retraction and fire the person responsible . i guess it was n't just the speculation that had sent him over the edge , but the fact that there was a photo shopped picture from the year before of me and donnie , only this one was made to look like it was more recent and well , let 's just say it did n't sit well with trace to see his woman as he put it , lip locked with some other dick . apparently whatever he 'd done had worked because the following week there had been a retraction and an apology . will wonders never cease ? of course now we were down to crunch time . he 'd said that he was fine with the whole show deal but as the time drew nearer i could see that tic in his jaw working overtime . all i could do was hope for the best . `` shiane baby come in here . '' trace her show was in a couple hours and she 'd have to leave soon for prep . i 'd made peace with the fact that she was going to be sharing the stage with the ass**le ex for part of tonight 's show . although i 'd told her that i was fine , the truth is that i 'm not the kind of man who could ever be okay with such a thing , but the contracts had been signed long before i came on the scene and it was her career . i was going to make sure that this was the last time though .

after this series of engagements were over , there will never be another occasion when she would be allowed even in the same room as the prick . she came into room already dressed to leave . i did n't say anything to her as i pulled her into my arms and fed her my tongue . my hand went down to her pu**y and she opened her legs to give me easier access . i rubbed her through her clothes as her breathing sped up and she smashed her tits into my naked chest . wordlessly i started to strip her clothes away as my c**k grew and pr**cum started leaking from my tip . i had her spread out on the bed with my head between her thighs as i ate her pu**y , making sure to sink my tongue as deep as i could as i fingered her ass . over the past weeks i 've been preparing her ass for my cock . she moaned and pushed her pu**y harder against my mouth . her juices ran down to the crack of her ass lubricating her nicely . standing from between her legs where her pink pu**y was on full display with her juices glistening and calling to me , i helped her onto her hands and knees in the middle of the bed . i teased her pu**y slit with my c**k head until pushed her ass up higher and begged me to f**k her . i slapped her ass once hard and she looked over her shoulder at me . her eyes were already glazed over and i knew she was already far-gone . `` please what ? '' `` fuck me , f**k my pu**y hard . '' yes , that 's something else i 'd taught her , to be less inhibited in bed . at first her shyness ruled her , but i soon had her saying and doing anything she loved . i 'd explained to her that since i was the only sexual partner she 'd ever have for the rest of her life , who better to know what pleased her ? and how will i know if she did n't tell me ? that had opened up a whole new world to her , and i 'd learned a lot about my princess . she had a bit of the submissive in her , she liked for her man to take charge , not just in the bedroom either . it was perfect since i 'm a controlling bastard and make no bones about it . i teased her pu**y some more before sinking my c**k all the way home . she arched her back and came like she always does as soon as i enter her . she says it 's because i hit her cervix each time and it triggers her . i f**ked into her nice and slow , using my hand in her hair and the other on her hip to control her movements . looking down between us i enjoyed the sight of my c**k covered in her pu**y cream as it went in and out of her . `` your pu**y 's still so tight baby , f**k. '' she lowered her head to the mattress which sent her ass even higher into the air and had my c**k going in deeper and at a different angle . getting to my feet , i released her hair so i could hold both her hips and pull her back hard on my c**k as her pu**y opened and closed around my cock . i could see where my c**k was bulging out around the lips of her pu**y , the way they pulled out when i came out and folded in when i f**ked back in . i knew she still could n't too much of a pounding in this position so it was slow going until she juiced all over my cock . i did n't want to cum in her pu**y just yet though i had other plans for tonight . pulling out after she 'd come down , i licked her pu**y deep while using my fingers to rub our mixed juices into her tight ass**le . she flinched and moaned as she pushed back against my fingers trying to get me to go deeper . i probably should 've used a little sex toy on her ass to prepare her for my twelve inch cock , but i did n't want even a fake dick anywhere near her . reaching off to the side i got the lube and oiled up my cock . she looked over her shoulder to see what i was doing and her eyes widened . `` trace ? '' `` shh , it 's okay . '' i ran my hands up and down her back around to her tits where i pulled and pinched them the way she likes . i kept letting my c**k tap into her pu**y lips and her clit , which kept her preoccupied . when i was sure she was ready , i leaned over her back , then i had a thought . `` did he f**k you in the ass ? '' i had wrapped my hand around her throat unknowingly , it was only when she shook her head no that i realized what i 'd done . i did n't think she 'd ever anal before but i wanted to be sure , it was the reason i 'd chosen tonight after all .

satisfied with her answer , i guided my c**k as gently as i could to her ass . she was tight as was to be expected so i had to take me time and work my c**k into her ass in one-inch increments . she tensed and her body tried to expel me but i soothed her with soft kisses around her ear and down her neck , whispering how beautiful she was and how much i loved her . her ass relaxed enough for me to get a few inches in her and then i started the f**king motion in and out of her . i 'm not really big on anal sex , but it was enjoyable on some occasions . the more she relaxed , the more dick i fed her until i was balls deep in her ass . she was really getting into it now pushing her ass back hard against me until i was lying flat on her back pressing her into the bed . her ass was the tightest f**king thing i 'd ever felt around my cock , and that was saying something because my baby has a tight cunt . `` when you 're on stage with him , i want you to remember who you belong to . '' i slammed into her ass and her mouth opened in a soundless scream . i f**ked her to two orgasms but i myself did n't want to cum in her ass . instead i pulled out and with a stern 'stay as you are ' , went into the bathroom to clean off my rock hard cock . coming back to the bed , i rolled her over onto her back and climbed between her legs pushing them farther apart with my hips . i looked down at what i was doing as i led my c**k into her pu**y again . i did n't hurry ; i knew i was f**king with her because she should 've been gone half an hour ago . i did n't care ; this was my way of showing her who was in charge . `` trace , we have to hurry i have to ... '' i caught her neck in my hand and surged into her hard . `` do n't rush me , we 're through when i say we are . '' i kissed her then , sending my tongue deep into her as i f**ked her nice and slow making her forget that she was way late . she f**ked back at me her hips going wild as i kept teasing her with small strokes instead of the pounding she needed . `` if he touches you , i 'll kill him . '' she looked into my eyes before hers rolled back in her head and she came . it was soon too much for me and though i did n't pound away at her like i always want to , i f**ked her to another climax as my balls unloaded in her womb . i bit into her neck just as the last of my sperm was spilling into her . i smirked down at my handy work . let the little f**k think about that . chapter 9 she sat practically in my lap in the car on the way to the venue . her manager was not pleased to say the least and started in screaming until i told him to get f**ked . `` who are you ? hey are n't you ... '' i did n't bother to answer the f**ker as he stared from me to her and back . she headed off to do her thing and i walked away from him , i was n't ready to deal with him right now . i stood around backstage until it was almost time for the show to begin then went out and took my seat in the front row . i 'd debated on whether or not this was a good idea , watching her perform with him , but in the end she 'd pleaded with me to come . i guess it was best if i were here in the flesh to see what the hell the performance was like than reading about it second hand in some rag . the buzz was that they were dy***ite on the stage , that they had great chemistry and all that other bullshit . i settled in for a long night . i felt a huge sense of pride when she came out the first time and the crowd went wild . this was a much larger crowd than the one from the night we met and the whole place was on their feet . you would never know that less than two hours ago i had her bent over . she did n't look at all nervous and in fact seemed to be glowing . it was halfway through , when i 'd finally felt the tension leave me and had relaxed and start to enjoy the show that he joined her on stage . the song was one of those dual tone numbers , slow in parts and fast in others . i felt my fist fold the first time he had to get real close to her as they faced each other across the microphones . then ensued a sort of cat and mouse dance . he kept trying to put his arms around her waist or on her hip . i was n't sure if that was part of the actual dance routine or just him being an ass , but the first time she threw a panicked look my way i knew it was a bit of both .

the crowd seemed to read something else into it , as it appeared that she was playing hard to get , evading his roving hands and prancing away as she continued singing , only to be followed by him time and again . each time our eyes met i kept my face neutral , i did n't want to spoil her performance and like i said if this was part of her job then so be it . but what i did n't like was the way he tried to manhandle her on the stage when it had nothing to do with their routine . do n't ask me how i knew those times so well . i was reading her body language sure , but each time it happened she 'd send me a look and it would tip me off . i was n't mad at her though , not really , but him i 'd like to stomp into the f**king mud . i left my seat and headed backstage just before the last number ended . i cold hear the roar of the crowd as she bid them goodnight for the second time after giving them the encore they 'd asked for . i was in the shadows sort of , behind this huge potted plant , when she came back followed by the rest of the band , and the ass**le. `` hey i 'm talking to you . '' he reached out to grab her arm and she pulled it out of his reach . `` the show is over donnie we have nothing more to say to each other for the rest of the night . '' `` that 's what you think . where did you get this ? '' he tried touching the mark i 'd left on her neck . she slapped her hand over it and backed up . `` that 's none of your business . '' `` it is my business when my woman is sporting a hickey from some other dude . '' `` your woman , are you insane ? we 've been over for months now would you please get out of my way ? '' she tried going around him and by this point i 'd seen all i needed to . i started forward but before i could reach them he 'd reached out and grabbed her and was trying to kiss her . the amazing this was that there were others heading backstage and no one seemed to witness the almost assault that was taking place right in front of them . that could be because their voices had been kept low throughout this whole exchange . as soon as his hand fisted in her blouse i was on him . `` get the f**k off her ass**le . '' i flung his hand away and got between the two of them . you could say i was pissed but trying to contain it . i was no longer angry about the display on stage , i knew that was all him and though the world might see a very well coordinated dance routine , that 's all that it was . but this was something more , this was personal and this i would not allow . `` who the f**k are you , shiane who 's this ass**le ? is he new security ? tell him who i am before i sue his ass . '' `` listen you little shit , if you come anywhere near her again i 'll break every bone in your f**king body . '' he looked at her wide eyed when he realized i meant every word . then he stupidly reached out for her again , grabbing her hand this time and i saw red . i punched him in the face until blood spurted from his mouth . only the fact that he was so much younger than i , kept me from following through . i grabbed her hand and pulled her out behind me mad as hell . i did n't have a jacket to give her this time but thankfully she was more covered up . `` did you leave anything back there that you needed ? '' i asked her after we were in the back of the car on the way home . she called one of her assistants to gather her shit . that night i f**ked her like a beast , there was n't any part of her body that i did n't lick bite or kiss . at one point she 'd cried because it was too much . i ate her little pu**y until the sting was eased and then slid back into her . we were both sore by the time i rolled away from her as the sun was rising . dragging her into my arms i cuddled her as we slept . the next day i was all over the f**king front page , just what i needed . some hack had been there taking pictures of the whole thing and the story broke . that 's how we were found out and since that night we could n't leave the house for weeks without a camera in our face . things cooled down when they realized they were n't gon na get anything more from us and my security was very good at evading their asses . they had no access to my private underground parking garage and since i had a whole fleet of cars to choose from they never knew which one we were in if i felt like taking my woman out for dinner .

since i did n't frequent the kind of establishments that catered to the paparazzi or that hired people who 'd tip them off to us being there , we were left relatively in peace after the hubbub had died down chapter 10 now it 's the night of the last show and she was pissing me off . we 'd had an argument of sorts that morning , well i would n't call it an argument exactly but there was definitely some tension . we were lazing around having breakfast doing our usual thing , which was something the therapist had told her was helpful for her anxiety . i was reaching over to pour her some orange juice when she sideswiped me . `` trace are we gon na get married ? '' she caught me off guard with that one , coming out of the blue like that and i guess i did n't handle the situation to her liking . `` why do n't we talk about this later after you 're done with the show ? '' it was the best i could come up with on such short notice . for some reason my answer pissed her off . she 'd been showing her mettle a lot here lately once she realized i was n't the type to fold my fist and punch her in the face just for kicks . after she asked me that she got all quiet for the rest of the day and when she was n't slamming shit around the house she was ignoring me . i decided to leave her to her mad and do some work in my office . two hours before she was due to leave i cornered her in the shower and f**ked her against the stall although she 'd tried to give me shit at first . `` mine , you do n't tell me no ever no matter how f**king pissed you are . '' i had my hand covering her wet crotch when i said that and moved it away to enter her swiftly . as much of a fuss as she 'd made by the time i had her pinned to the wall , her legs were wrapped around my waist and her fingers were digging into my scalp as i f**ked her to within an inch of her life . she 'd cleaned my c**k off after i 'd off loaded inside her the second time and we 'd cleaned each other up after so i was under the impression that she was over her mad . now she pulled this f**king stunt . we 'd had a few conversations about the way she dressed on stage and when she let it be known that she was n't too comfortable with some of the costumes either but her wardrobe people chose them , i 'd put my foot down . her talent did n't need any gimmicks . i did n't expect her to dress like a nun on stage but neither did i expect her to show her ass to the world , not when that ass was now the exclusive property of trace mckenzie . i waited until the number was almost at an end and she would be headed backstage for a clothes change . i caught her as soon as she got off the stage and while her helpers were waiting to help her change i dragged her off to the dressing room and locked the door . `` your next outfit had better be something more presentable shiane , or i swear to f**k , i will drag your ass off that f**king stage and take you home . '' `` do n't tell me how to do my job trace , i was doing this before we met and if you do n't like it ... '' my hand came up and went around her throat and i pulled her face close to mine . `` watch what the f**k you say to me little girl , i 'm holding onto my temper by a thread , so unless you want me to heat up your little ass when we get home you 'd better quit while you 're ahead . '' `` maybe i wo n't be going home with you . '' she was pissed and obviously not thinking too clearly because of it or she would 've been more careful . i laughed in her face . `` try it , there is n't a hole or rock big enough to hide your ass . and if you get any one of these f**kers around here to help you hide from me i will destroy the f**k. '' i kissed her hard enough to bruise her lips before leaving her there . i knew what she wanted but she was just going to have to wait . i 'm a man and for a man there 's always the right way and a wrong way to do things . i headed back out my seat and that 's when she really did it . i thought i 'd made my point when i saw the long dress with the slit up the front . but then one of the male dancers came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her from behind while she sang to him and they did some sorta two- step dance . then he did something with his hand and the dress was at her feet . she kicked it out of the way as the crowd went wild . she had the nerve to dead at me was she sang and then and shook her ass at the crowd . i thought there was going to be a riot . i sat there for the rest of the set until she left the stage for the last time . by now my rage was a cool controlled anger simmering inside me .

i said nothing as i went backstage where everyone was congratulating her on her performance . `` let 's go . '' i walked over and took her elbow . '' `` wait i have to ... '' one look at my face had her changing tact . she swallowed hard and i could see from her expression that she was finally getting that she 'd gone too far . all the way in the car i sat away from her while she kept shooting me furtive looks . i kept my face straight ahead and my fists clenched as they hung between my thighs . if i did anything else i 'm afraid i might strangle her ass . as soon as we got through the doors of home i grabbed her arm and headed for the bedroom and straight to where i kept the belt i used to wail her ass . `` stop trace you ca n't . '' she tried to pulling away from me which only enraged me more . i grabbed the belt and was about to bring it down over her ass , not even waiting to get her undressed i was so pissed . `` i 'm pregnant . '' well f**k , that sure stopped me in my tracks . `` what did you say ? '' `` you ca n't spank me , i 'm pregnant . '' i dropped the belt and stared down at her . there was something strange going on with my heart . it was beating yes , but the rhythm was off somehow . i felt a buzzing in my ears and i thin i lost sight there for a second . `` you 're pregnant ? '' i pulled her around to stand in front of me . she nodded and looked down at her feet . `` why did n't you tell me ? '' `` i just found out , i was going to tell you , then i asked you that question this morning and you blew me off . '' the memory seemed to renew her anger and she glared at me . `` i was n't about to try to trap you with a baby , i do n't want to marry someone who does n't really want me for me , i 've had one ass**le in my life already . '' i grabbed her neck and lifted her off her feet . `` i told you never to throw that f**ker in my face . just because you 're carrying my child do not think for one minute that i wo n't heat your little ass up . `` what the f**k ever gave you the idea that i did n't want to marry you ? '' `` you said ... '' she raised her voice and started to yell . `` watch your f**king tone , you 're skating on thin f**king ice . what the f**k ever gave you the idea that i 'm the kinda man who needs his woman to propose to him ? that 's my place , not f**king yours no matter what some feminist new age f**k says . '' `` well it did n't look like you were gon na ask , now if you do , i 'll always know it was only because of your precious child . '' i dragged her into the closet and over to the safe i kept hidden there . it took me a few tries to get the combination i was that f**king pissed . opening the safe i retrieved the little velvet box i 'd kept there for months . `` i bought this two days after we met . i was waiting for you to be finished with this before giving it to you . `` trace i ... '' `` save it , i told you once i wo n't pay for what that ass**le did to you . not that that 's clear let 's talk about that shit you pulled tonight . '' `` i thought you did n't want me , i thought ... '' `` so you thought to get back at me by doing something that was sure to piss me off . just a warning for the future babe , you do not ever want to piss me off . i 'll be lenient with you when it comes to certain things , but outright disobedience will not be acceptable , not now not ever . `` you want me to leave your ass you pull a stunt like this again . if i say no it means f**king no do you hear me ? '' she mumbled . `` you 're too f**king spoilt for your own good . i 'm not sure if i should let this slide , but i do n't want the news of my child 's conception to be marred by this f**kery , and since you 've spoiled my proposal you can live with that shit . '' i took the box from her hand and put the five-carat diamond on her finger . this was not how i 'd wanted this to go . i 'd had everything planned out . i was going to take her to paris since that was her favorite place and propose to her there in one of their over priced swanky restaurants . that 's not my style but it 's hers so i was willing to do it to make the night special . i did n't make love to her that night .

not because of any punishment or anything like that , i think i was just overwhelmed a little if you wan na know the truth . i 'd gone from extremely pissed and ready to heat up her ass , to learning that i was going to be a daddy or a dad . instead i helped her get ready for bed and held her as she gave into the fatigue of the long day and night . once again i recalled my childhood , the always wanting , never having and never any hope of having . and the hunger , humiliation , all the things you can expect from a young boy whose parents neglected him . and then when lily came along , my beautiful little sister , i remembered the fear in my gut that i would n't be able to protect her . she was the one and only baby i 'd ever held in my arms , and the love i 'd felt then , could n't be compared to what i felt for the unborn child shiane now kept safe in her womb . i thought of her upcoming tour and knew there was no way i would let her go off on her own , not in her condition . i came to the conclusion that it was time i delegated more at work . i had men and women that i 'd hired , the best in their fields , sometimes straight out of college , but had yet to trust anyone to do what i did . it was an easy decision to make now , whereas before the thought gave me cold sweats . i took the hand with my ring on it and kissed her finger as i hoped and prayed that i would get this right , then being as gentle as i could and not awaken her . i lowered my body until my lips were in line with her still flat stomach and made a promise to my son or daughter . `` daddy will always be there little one , no matter what ; i ca n't wait to meet you . '' i felt the tears gather at the corner of my eyes , and though it had been years since i 'd shed one , i let them fall . my heart had never been so full in my life . i held her until the dawn and that 's as long as i could hold out before taking her . turning her silky soft body onto her back , i kissed my way down her body , stopping at her br**sts . i took the nipple of first one into my mouth , licking and sucking , pulling strong as i imagined one day my baby would , before going to the other . by the time i made my way down to her sweet cunt , she was writhing beneath me . i licked her clit until it was peeping out from under its hood , then spreading her pu**y lips open , i closed my eyes and feasted on her flesh , her taste bursting into my mouth as i dug deep with my tongue . sliding up her body , i slid into her going deep with one smooth thrust . her eyes were sleep-warm as she looked up at me . with my hands holding both sides of her head , i held it back so i could look into her eyes as i loved her . `` i love knowing my child is inside you . '' i let one of my handles cover her stomach between us for a brief moment before gathering her in close . `` give me your mouth baby . '' she lifted her lips to mine and we stayed like that , our lips locked together passionately as i worked my c**k in and out of her , her hips rising and falling with my thrusts . it was the most amazing experience of my life so far , and there was so much more to come . i 'll make sure of it . epilogue he 's utterly unpredictable and totally insane my husband . i do n't think i 've ever known a more volatile person in my life . my dad was an easy going mild mannered man , sure he and mom had their tiffs over the years when we were growing up , but i doubt he 's ever done or said half the things has done to me . like spanking her ass with a belt . since my announcement of my pregnancy , he 's added one other element , over protectiveness . do n't get me wrong , i love it , in fact i think i need it because my hormones have been out of whack from day one ; but i wondered how others would see him . it started with my management team of all things , and a couple of the lawyers that handled my contracts . the morning after our engagement , he 'd dropped the bombshell that they had been robbing me blind . i 'd sat there dumbfounded , not having the first clue as to what i was supposed to do next . `` do n't worry princess i 've got it covered . '' 'but how did they and why ? '' `` the how is easy , you do n't know what you 're looking at when dealing with those things unless you 've done some kind of business class or you have someone reliable explain it to you . ''

he was right i guess , as a small town girl , seeing all those zeros on my account balance was enough for me , i was just happy doing what i loved most and the fact that i was actually being paid , well . `` the why is that they 're greedy f**ks and they saw you coming a mile off . '' i guess they never banked on trace mckenzie coming into my life and turning everything upside down . i 'd wanted to do everything secretly after that , did n't want the brouhaha that would follow if the public got ahold of it . trace wanted to burn them at the stake . in the end he convinced me that it was best to go public so that they would n't be free to do it to others . turns out that was the right call , because after the story broke , others had come forward after realizing that they too had been victims of these unscrupulous men . my tour started when i was five months along . trace somehow found the time to leave work for almost two months and accompany me . i 'd had to do some rearranging which meant there were hardly any breaks in between cities , but i wanted to be done before i really started to show . that 's when i saw the other side of him . he 'd hired all new management for me when i told him i was n't sure what to look for . he 'd threatened to fire my wardrobe staff until they had some kind of meeting and he got what he wanted . in the end they 'd come up with more tasteful designs , though some of them were sexier than the ones i 'd worn before . he was right you did n't have to be half naked on stage to get your point across . one day we were sitting at the kitchen table , i was still sitting in his lap because we 'd just made love while our breakfast had grown cold . as he slipped out of my body i 'd said , 'you know we can do the proposal thing over ' . he 'd given me one of his looks and that was that . i guess that ship had sailed . i ca n't say that i felt deprived though , because in every way he was the perfect fiance and then husband . our wedding was a very private affair in my hometown . he 'd moved heaven and earth to make it so and it was beautiful . he was completely fascinated with my body these days , especially after i started to show . there was n't a day that went by that he did n't spend at least an hour playing with my tummy and having these long drawn out conversations with whoever was in there . now though , i think he 'd reached his limit . `` trace it hurts . '' he leaned over me as he held my hand in his and brushed my hair back with the other . `` i know baby , i know it will be better soon . do something . '' that last was said to the doctor and nurses that were there in the delivery room . he had n't shouted the words that they carried more force than if he had . the way he seethed them through clenched teeth and glared at the room 's occupants . if i were n't in so much pain i would 've found it funny . `` she 's coming along just fine mr. mckenzie . just one more push shiane , that 's a good girl . '' i bore down with all my might as trace held my hand and whispered in my ear how proud he was of me and how beautiful i was . i think it was his voice more so than anything urging from the doctor that gave me the extra boost i needed to push my son out into the world . i laughed and cried as i heard his loud wails fill the room . trace never took his eyes off mine until the oh-oh from the doctor . `` oh-oh ? no f**king oh-oh , what the f**k is oh-oh ? '' he was ready to tear the poor woman 's head off before she explained . i was in too much of a daze from the new pain wracking my body to help . `` looks like we have another one . '' and so my daughter was born , totally unexpected but completely loved . the end chapter one i bounce from foot to foot as i try my mom 's cell phone one more time . i 'm practically bursting at the seams wanting to tell her my good news , and she 's not answering . i hang up the call as it goes to her voicemail again . she 's been a little more unreachable ever since she started dating this new mystery man . she 'll have to break down and tell me about him soon-we 've never been able to keep secrets from one another for long . i give up and hold down the number 2 button on my old flip-phone to auto-dial my best friend allison . thankfully , she picks up . `` i got it ! i got a lawn room ! '' i shriek as soon as she answers , my excitement overflowing into a wild jig around my tiny dorm room . allison screams on the other end in response-she knows what a huge deal this is for me .

there are only fifty-four lawn rooms at the university of virginia , where i 'm just finishing my junior year . they were a central part of thomas jefferson 's design for the school , and spread out under white columns from his famous rotunda . they might be small and drafty , but living in one is a high honor . there 's a rigorous application process , and they are given to only the most academically-deserving rising seniors . i worked my nerdy butt off in preparation for this moment , and i can barely believe it 's actually happening . `` wait , wait , i 'm putting you on speaker . miriam 's here , too , '' allison says when she finally takes a breath . miriam is the third member of our little group that i met freshman year , and has both supported me and sheltered me through the first three years of college . `` brynn , i 'm so proud of you ! i mean , think of how many hundreds and hundreds of hours you worked for this moment ! '' she gushes . i laugh . `` do n't remind me ! '' i wince , thinking of how much of college life i 've missed while huddled in the back stacks of the library . not that miriam and allison are academic slouches either , far from it , all three of us could probably draw you a map of the library from memory . `` and if it gets too cold in the winter , you can always come crash with us , '' allison adds . she and miriam have been roommates since sophomore year , and will be again next year . they 've always invited me to apply for housing with them , but after freshman year , i decided i was too much of an introvert for roommates . `` the fireplace is probably the best and worst part of the whole thing , '' i laugh . the lawn rooms have almost no trappings of the modern world , so in the winter all you have to keep yourself warm is your own personal fireplace . it sounds romantic now , but come next january , i imagine i might feel differently . `` are you working tonight ? or can we celebrate ? '' miriam asks . i work in the cafeteria as part of my work-study program to offset the cost of my tuition . `` maybe we could go to dinner together , then see a movie ? '' `` well , i 'm not working , '' i admit , guilt already bubbling up from my stomach , `` but i was thinking i might go out with these girls from my poli-sci class . '' there 's a short silence before allison speaks . `` oh , cool ... sounds fun . what are you guys going to do ? '' `` um , they invited me to this party at the crew house , '' i say , beginning to tug on the ends of my dark blonde hair-a nervous habit that only really gets out of control during finals . `` the crew house ! ? '' allison exclaims , and i ca n't help but roll my eyes at her theatrics . `` brynn , you know as well as we do that those parties get insane ! i heard that last semester nine of their varsity members got alcohol poisoning in one night ! '' `` well , there are only eight on a team , so i think that might be an exaggeration , '' i murmur . `` though i suppose maybe an alternate- '' `` brynn , the point is , those parties are notoriously crazy , '' miriam cuts in . `` i just want to see for myself , '' i say , trying to keep the frustration out of my voice . `` i 'll call you guys tomorrow morning . '' `` ok ... '' allison says warily . `` bye ! '' i say quickly , before miriam can renew her argument , and hang up . as wonderful as my two best friends are , i do get tired of how uptight they can be sometimes . not that i do n't understand where it comes from . the three of us were n't exactly popular during high school , and when we found each other during our freshman year orientation , it was such an amazing relief to be with like-minded girls . we were all serious students , driven , with a penchant for fantasy books that might star viggo mortensen in the movie adaption . but now , i 'm beginning to chafe at the boundaries of our friendship . particularly when it comes to going out to parties , and boys . on my early morning trips to the library , i see girls doing the walk of shame across campus , their makeup smeared across their faces , hair rumpled , and first i feel pity , and then intense jealousy . that post-sex glazed over look ... if i 'm honest with myself , i want that too . and i promised myself that if i got my lawn room , i 'd go to a party . a real college party . the kind miriam and allison roll their eyes at as they wonder how many brain cells its attendees are killing by the second . this crew party is the perfect opportunity .

i 'm trying not to get my hopes up , but it remains a possibility that i might actually get to talk to nate thornhill tonight . just the thought of his name is enough to send tingles down my spine , though i know the real-life man could probably never live up to the fantasy i 've built up in my mind . i still remember the first time i saw him , walking across campus the second weekend of fall semester of freshman year . i would 've bet my life then that he was a senior . compared to the boys i had just left behind in high school , he was already a full-grown man . he wore a navy blue polo like it was a second skin as he strode across the grass , jefferson 's palladian architecture spread out behind him like it was built as a set for a movie he was starring in . he wore his wavy brown hair on the long side , and pushed back to keep it out of his dark blue eyes . his nose was perfectly straight and ended over a pair of soft , full lips and a chin with an actual dimple in it . if it were possible for ryan gosling and a kennedy to have a baby , the result would be nate thornhill . i later learned that he was a double major like me , and since one of mine is political science and one of his is history , we overlapped in a few of our core courses . i expected him to sit in the back with the rest of the jocks but he was always in the front row , quick to raise his hand with intelligent answers . i always hide right in the center of the halls ; my shyness overwhelms me in those big lecture classes . i 've never got up the courage to actually talk to him , and besides , he always has a different girl on his arm . with his looks , money , and being a star of both the lacrosse and crew teams , he draws women in like a magnet . but tonight ? tonight i have promised myself that if he 's at the party , i am going to introduce myself . i shoot off a quick text to cara , my new friend from class , to confirm that i 'll join her tonight , and then turn to my closet . i really only have one option to wear tonight : a simple , slinky black camisole with a lace inlay that i bought at the mall in spite of miriam and allison 's naysaying . i did n't know what i was buying it for then , but it 's the kind of shirt i 've seen other girls wearing to parties . i slip on jeans and a pair of heels that are probably a little low to be cool , but they 'll have to do . it 's not like i have extra money to be adding to my wardrobe . i take out the drug store makeup that i bought and sit at my desk . i never usually wear anything but chapstick , but i watched some youtube tutorials and feel confident i can mimic some of the techniques . with a compact mirror , i carefully put on a little concealer , blush , brown eye shadow , and black mascara . i bought an eyeliner , but i do n't use it . i think it 's a little beyond my skills . with a swipe of some sparkly lip gloss , i 'm done . i close the closet door and study myself in the full-length mirror . with a start , i recognize myself in the reflection . i turn my face side to side , searching for all its imperfections . with a little makeup on , my resemblance to my mom is more pronounced . everyone always says she is beautiful , so maybe it 's possible that i might be pretty , too . the shirt is more low-cut than i remembered , and i touch my breasts self-consciously . i get my large c-cups from my mom also , but i 've always kept them covered up . i see how men get distracted by them , like they 're some tractor beam pulling them in . one more quick glance to check my mascara application , and i nod at myself , satisfied . it 's been a long time coming , but i think i 'm finally ready to party . chapter two the spring night air is warm on my face as i walk across campus to meet cara and her friends . i pass other students heading out for the night and feel happy to count myself among them . i go over my rules for myself as i near the crew house , which is just across the street from campus . no more than three drinks . no talking about classes . no weirdness around nate thornhill . `` brynn ! '' cara yells from the opposite sidewalk . i wave as i head over . `` i ca n't believe you got a lawn room ! that 's amazing ! '' i lean over to give her a hug . she 's an effortlessly cool , petite brunette-the kind of girl that everyone considers to be their friend . `` thanks ! '' `` holy shit ! you got a lawn room ? are you , like , a genius or something ? ''

her friend rachel asks , her jaw dropping . `` i wish ! then all those papers would have taken me way less time to write , '' i reply with a laugh . `` cara says you 've never been to a crew party ? '' marie , the knockout of the group , asks . `` nope ... just never made my way over here i guess , '' i reply , downplaying the situation . `` well , they have the best parties , '' she assures me . `` and the hottest guys . '' `` lacrosse guys are hotter , '' rachel argues . `` of course , if you can always do both ... '' marie murmurs , and they burst into laughter . `` hey , you look great , by the way , '' cara says to me as we walk up the front steps of the house . `` love that top . '' `` thanks , '' i say , trying not to glow . a couple guys chilling on the front porch greet the other girls by name , and i blush as i feel their eyes glance over me . i tug my hair self-consciously as one of them grins at me . two girls hurry past us in the opposite direction . one leans over the railing as her friend barely manages to pull her hair back before she retches into the bushes . lovely . sweat and the scent of beer greets us as we walk inside . the lights are dim , barely illuminating the mass of people crowded into the main room , and i feel my heels sticking to the sticky floor . `` cara , the love of my life ! '' a tall , brawny guy says , sweeping her up into a hug . i recognize him from the crew team . not that i 've studied their roster photos or anything ... `` oh , ha , ha , '' cara says , rolling her eyes , though something about the gleam in her eyes tells me she likes the guy . `` can i get you ladies a beer ? '' he asks , nodding to the keg behind him . `` yes , please , '' cara says . `` hey , foster , this is my good friend brynn . this is her first crew party so treat her nice . '' `` i 'm always nice ! '' foster says indignantly , then bows in front of me and offers his hand . `` m'lady , '' he says , as i place my hand in his and raises it to his lips . marie and rachel giggle and then head over to another group as foster hands them their beers . cara and i follow foster over to an old , mysteriously stained , couch in the corner . we weave around other scantily clad co-eds , and for the first time in my life , i feel like one of the cool kids . i perch nervously on the far left cushion as cara sits next to me , with foster on her other side . i slowly sip my beer as he whispers in her ear . i 've had beer before , even gotten tipsy a few times with allison and miriam when we first turned twenty-one and tried out some wine bars . i just want to make sure i do n't overdo it tonight and end up like that girl we passed on the way inside . `` where 's nate tonight ? '' my head whips around as i hear cara ask foster the question . my heart stops for a second . i have to admit i 'll feel crushed if he 's not even here . `` he 's somewhere around , probably getting crushed under a pile of chicks , '' foster rolls his eyes , and cara laughs . i down half my beer . i ca n't believe how jealous it makes me feel , i 've never even met the guy . cara and foster keep chatting , and though cara makes an effort to include me , i 'm feeling too nervous to contribute much to the conversation . by the time i finish my beer , i really have to pee . `` be right back , '' i murmur to cara , and go looking for the bathroom . i weave through the sweaty throng to a hallway along the stairs . i see a line of five girls outside of what i assume is the bathroom , and with a sigh , i step behind the last one . the door opens and a guy darts in front of the front girl . she protests . `` sorry ! emergency ! '' he cries , and shuts the door behind him . i lean back a little and glance up the stairs . there are several people hanging out on the landing , but it 's definitely quieter up there , and i 'm sure there 's more than one bathroom in this place . holding my legs close together , i turn around and hurry up the stairs . i bypass the first couple rooms with open doors and come to a couple closed ones . i can see a room at the end of the hall that looks like a lounge , with a pool table in the middle of the room . one of these two rooms must be the bathroom . i lean toward the nearest one and press my ear against it .

i ca n't hear anything . i knock softly and wait for a reply , and when i do n't hear one , i slowly turn the knob and open the door . i gasp as it 's pulled open and out of my grasp . my eyes fly up and immediately i realize that nate is standing before me . `` i ... i ... '' i stammer . his pupils dilate as he stares at me in amusement . i let my gaze fall down his body . he 's naked but for a pair of pale blue boxers . good lord , his body is ridiculous . the line down between his six-pack looks like it was etched in stone . it 's suddenly very difficult to breathe . `` see anything you like ? '' he asks drily . i snap my gaze back up . a brown curl of hair hangs just over one of his eyes . i clear my throat as i try to think of something to say . i feel his eyes travelling over my body , my skin burning under his gaze as desire begins to pool in my stomach . `` oh , no , i was- '' `` you wan na join us ? '' he says , pulling the door open a little more . i glance over his shoulder and see a naked girl in bed covered in rumpled sheets . `` nate ! '' the girl says with a giggle , and pulls a sheet up over her breasts . if i were n't already naked , i 'd say you were undressing me with your eyes , '' he says smugly to me . i feel my cheeks turn scarlet . `` no , sorry , '' i murmur , averting my eyes and rushing down the hall to the stairs as i hear the girl dissolve into laughter behind me . i run straight out of the front door and down the front steps before stopping on the sidewalk to process what 's just happened . ugh , i 'm such an idiot . i raise my hand to my mouth and wipe the back of my palm across my lips , smearing off my lip gloss . i do n't belong at parties like this , and i certainly do n't belong with nate thornhill . i 've never been so embarrassed in my life ... and how arrogant , asking me to join him and that girl as though i actually would ? hot tears build up behind my eyes and threaten to spill over . i had such high hopes for tonight , such high hopes for him . and he ended up being so gross . i pull my phone out of my wristlet and shoot off a quick text to cara : hey , just got a terrible headache . headed back to my dorm . see you later ! i head back across campus and to the safety of my dorm room . my phone buzzes and i pull it back out to see her response : feel better ! i envy cara . everything seems to come so easy to her . she can fit in anywhere , make friends with anyone . i guess i 'm just not that kind of person , much as i 'd like to be . chapter three the words are a blur on the page in front of me . i rub my eyes . i did n't sleep well last night , and now i ca n't concentrate on my notes . we have a few days off at the beginning of the week to study , and then final exams . i ca n't let myself slip just because i got a lawn room , but the events of last night are distracting me and studying right now is nearly impossible . my phone rings on the desk next to me . `` hey , mom ! '' i say as i pick up . `` hey , honey ! i just saw you called me a bunch yesterday ! i 'm sorry . i was out with pierce . '' her melodic voice sounds a little breathless , as it always does when she talks about this new boyfriend . `` well , i have some good news . '' `` me , too ! '' she replies . `` oh ! um , do you want to go first ? '' `` actually , i 'm going to be in town tonight . pierce and i were hoping to have dinner with you . '' `` you 're in town ? ! that 's great news . '' she laughs . `` no , that 's not the news ! do you want to wait to tell me your news until then ? '' why not ? everything 's ok , though , right ? '' `` everything 's great ! we have a reservation for 7 o'clock at decanter . should we pick you up ? '' `` no , that 's ok . it 's just a short walk from campus . '' `` wonderful ! oh , i 'm so excited to see you ! '' she says . `` me too ! '' i shut my phone feeling dumbfounded . now i 'm really not going to be able to study . my mom 's never surprised me like this before . i frown . could she and pierce be engaged , and she wants to tell me in person ?

i guess i 'd be happy for her , but i 've never met this guy before . what if he 's just one more jerk in the long line of lowlifes that she seems to attract ? my mom is so gorgeous and always loved the attention her looks brought her , but her vanity has always worried me . men are so willing to do everything for her , but they never seem to be the right kind of men . regardless of their character , she 's always had a constant stream of admirers , and has never had to do anything for herself . she does n't know who she is or how to be alone . when i came along , my dad showed his true colors and abandoned us , and she had no skills to fall back on as a twenty-two year-old single mother . i always promised myself that i would n't let myself depend on a man like her . i had to make sure i could make my own way in the world , which is probably why i 've had my nose in a book my whole life . after several more hours of fruitless study , i decide to get ready a little early so that i can take a walk around campus before i meet my mom and her new boyfriend . i put on a cotton summer dress and grab a cardigan in case the restaurant is chilly . i start to feel a little calmer when i reach the lawn and see the rotunda 's white dome in front of me . the architecture always inspires me , and next year i 'll actually be living here . i stand in front of the women 's side of the lawn-genders are separated-and wonder which room will be mine . my mind drifts back unbidden to last night . i so hoped to be able to expand my horizons a little . as wonderful as i know getting a lawn room is , it 's not everything . the way nate 's body looked in the low light from the hall ... the small tuft of hair that showed just above his boxers ... the way he looked at me . i realize i 'm tugging at my braid absent-mindedly , and shake my head at myself-i need to get it together . it 's time to meet my mom and her new boyfriend , and hear their big news . i glance around as i enter decanter . its architecture is modern and elegant , a mix of cream fabrics and dark wood . i 've never been here before-way out of my price range . i 'm about to approach the hostess when i recognize my mom in a prime booth in the corner . i walk toward her between a row of tables , hearing the hushed tones of conversation and the clinking of wine glasses around me . her eyes light up and she stands as she sees me approaching . she looks even more gorgeous than usual . her blonde hair , a little lighter than mine , hangs in a long bob almost to her shoulders , and her perfect teeth show brightly behind her deep red lipstick . `` brynn ! i 've missed you , honey , '' she says , enveloping me in a hug . `` you look gorgeous . is n't this dress a little big for you , though ? '' she asks , pulling at the extra fabric . `` you know i like this kind of fit , '' i reply , allowing only the slightest bit of impatience to enter my voice . this is a recurring conversation with us . she always wants me to dress a little more feminine , a little more `` form-flattering '' as she puts it . `` well , i 'm so excited for you to meet pierce . he 's just in the restroom-oh ! here he is . '' i follow her gaze to an elegantly dressed man with salt-and-pepper hair and blue eyes who 's approaching us with a warm smile . `` holly , i 'd think this was your sister if i did n't know any better , '' he says , and my mom giggles . `` brynn , i 'm pierce . your mom has told me such wonderful things about you , '' he says as we shake hands . `` likewise , '' i reply politely , though the truth is that she 's told me almost nothing . `` well , let 's sit . i ordered us some champagne for the table . it should be arriving soon . '' we all obediently sit , me on one side of the cushy leather booth , and my mom and pierce on the other . `` so , brynn , you 're in your junior year ? '' `` yes , that's- '' i break off as my mom reaches for her water glass and i spot a ring on her left hand . not an engagement ring , either . a wedding ring . i ask sharply . `` oh , '' my mom flutters . `` well , we were going to wait until my son arrived , but- '' `` we 're married ! '' my mom announces suddenly . my jaw drops open . `` married ? '' i squeak . `` i mean , i thought maybe you 'd be engaged but married ? ''

`` you 're upset ? '' my mom asks worriedly . `` no , not upset ... '' i struggle to put my emotions into the right words . i always feel the need to protect my mom from what i 'm really feeling . she 's always been more fragile than me . `` just surprised , that 's all . i mean , how long have you known each other ? '' `` well , we met six months ago , '' my mom says . `` and then pierce took me on a surprise trip to the turks and caicos last week , and everything was just so perfect ... '' she trails off , looking to him for support . `` it really was , brynn . and it felt so right . we wished you guys could have been there , but we just felt that we had to seize the moment . it was in this little gazebo on the cliff , with spectacular views of the water , and the captain of a boat that was docked at the resort officiated ... '' `` it was engagement , honeymoon , and wedding in one ! we just wished you and nate could have been there . that would have made it even more perfect . '' i struggle to catch up with all the information they 're throwing at me . `` sorry , who 's nate ? '' `` oh , nate 's my son . he goes to school here , too . i tried to get a hold of him so we could tell you together , but-wait ! there he is ! '' pierce slides out of the booth to wave to his son . nate . not nate ... `` what 's pierce 's last name ? '' i whisper urgently to my mom . `` thornhill , '' she whispers back distractedly , sliding over to stand next to pierce . oh my god . nate thornhill is here . nate thornhill is currently walking up behind me . nate thornhill is my new ... stepbrother , i realize in horror . beads of sweat form at my hairline and i 've suddenly lost my appetite . chapter four as nate walks into my periphery , i watch in slow motion as he hugs his dad and shakes hands with my mom . i can not believe this is happening . surely i 'm in the middle of some strange nightmare and will wake up soon . i hoped i 'd never have to see him again after last night . `` brynn , honey , this is nate , pierce 's son , '' my mom says , cutting through the fog of emotion in my brain . `` h-hi . brynn . i 'm brynn , '' i stammer as he glances over at me . `` brynn , pleasure to meet you , '' he replies formally . wait , does he not even remember meeting me last night ? `` well , scooch over brynn , so nate can sit , '' mom says , waving me over with her hands . `` right , sorry , '' i say , sliding over so that he can sit next to me . i stare straight ahead as he sits . i can feel my body betraying me already . the heat from his leg under the table is giving me heart palpitations . `` thought you were n't going to be able to make it , '' pierce says a little tensely to his son . `` sorry , i was in the library studying . i had my phone off . '' `` well , you missed the big announcement . we were just telling brynn that holly and i have gotten married . '' i glance at nate out of the corner of my eye . i see his eyes widen in surprise . `` married ? i thought you said you 'd never get married again . '' `` well , things change . when i met holly , i just knew . you 'll see when you get to know her . she 's a special woman . '' i watch my mom glow like a 1000 watt bulb and ca n't help but smile . it 's been a while since i 've seen her so happy . `` yeah , i 'm ... i 'm just ... '' i watch him struggle for words just like i did . `` surprised . but happy . i 'm looking forward to getting to know you better , holly . '' wow , that was ... kind . not what the guy i met last night would say . `` oh , me too , nate , '' my mom replies , looking overjoyed . `` and i 'm so excited for you and brynn to get to know each other ! '' `` two only children ... '' pierce says meaningfully . `` you 'll have to learn to share . '' my mom laughs and i join in weakly . `` you always wanted a sibling , brynn ! and now you have one ! well , a step-sibling , but still . '' a step-sibling that i 've had literally dozens of dirty dreams about . perfect .

`` so , you two have never met , then ? '' my mom asks , glancing between us . `` pierce and i were so excited when we realized both our kids were juniors here . '' `` uva is my alma mater , '' pierce adds proudly . `` no , we 've never met , '' i break in quickly . i see nate eye me for a second before he nods . `` nope , never met , unfortunately , '' he says . `` we thought it best not to tell you guys about us until we knew it would really be forever . i thought it would have just been so awkward for you two if we 'd broken up and then you have to keep seeing each other around campus , '' my mom explains . `` yes , that would have been awkward , '' nate says drily , and i know he 's thinking that nothing could compare to my own awkwardness last night . the waitress comes over with the bottle of champagne that pierce ordered . dom perignon , i see as i look at the label . whoa , he must be loaded . my new stepdad must be loaded . she expertly pops the cork and pours us each an elegant flute , placing the bottle into a wine cooler next to the table . pierce takes his glass and raises it . `` to a new family , '' he says , looking around the table . we all raise our glasses and clink them together . i manage to do so without making eye contact with nate . the champagne tickles my throat on the way down . i 've never wanted to drink a bottle of alcohol more in my entire life than at this moment , but i keep myself to a modest sip . `` so , honey , you told me you had some news , too ? '' my mom asks , as she puts down her glass . `` oh , yes , though i do n't think i can follow that announcement , '' i hedge with a smile . `` please ! you sounded excited on the phone , '' she encourages me . `` well , i got a lawn room , '' i reveal . my mom gasps in excitement , but i see pierce glance quickly at his son . `` i thought you said that they had n't announced it yet , '' he says quietly . `` i ... i knew you 'd be disappointed . i was waitlisted . it was difficult , juggling two varsity sports , a double major- '' nate replies . i glance at my mom and then between the two men . nate is looking down at the tablecloth . `` i was selected for a lawn room , too , '' pierce says , interrupting him and turning to me . `` it 's an important accomplishment . '' `` thank you ... '' i say hesitantly . nate looks so miserable . `` being waitlisted is impressive , too . '' he glances up at me sharply , his eyes flashing . shit . i heard it , too : pity . `` well , congratulations , both of you , '' my mom breaks in . `` i have no idea what i 'm going to order ! everything looks so wonderful . '' she runs her finger down the menu in front of her . having grown up in a family of irish immigrants , my mom has always avoided conflict like the plague , though this time i 'm glad for the change of subject . i decide to order the steak since money does n't seem to be an issue , and we each order a cocktail in addition to the champagne . something begins to tug at the back of my brain after the waitress leaves to put in our food orders . `` pierce , i 'm sorry if this is an ignorant question , but were you in office ? your name sounds so familiar . '' `` yes , '' he replies , looking pleased . `` i 'm a former congressman- '' `` -for virginia . now i remember . you helped pass the campaign finance reforms . '' i smile . `` good memory . '' `` one of my majors is political science , so i try to keep up with it . '' `` and your other major ? '' `` global health . '' `` you know , i run thornhill and co . consulting of k street , and we 're still looking for a summer intern . interested ? '' `` dad , i thought you were going- '' nate breaks in before i can respond . `` and i thought you were going to get a lawn room , '' his dad replies , keeping his voice light . `` so , brynn , what do you think ? '' `` well , um , i was just going to get a summer job back in maryland to help pay for tuition , '' i murmur . did pierce promise his son the internship ? i do n't want to start off this relationship with nate on the wrong foot . `` you do n't need to worry about tuition now , honey , '' my mom says softly . i look at her in surprise . oh my god-is pierce going to pay for my college bills ? the thought had n't even occurred to me .

i look between them as they stare back at me calmly . `` oh , oh , i did n't think-i mean , i 'd love to , but i just-if nate wants the- '' `` then it 's settled , '' pierce cuts in . `` i tend to go into the office quite early , but we have an extra car you can use . '' `` sorry ? i do n't understand . '' `` well , pierce and i are moving in together . i mean , i basically live there now , but i 'm officially selling the old house , now that we 're married . '' of course . '' my brain scrambles to process all the new information . just as i 'm working it all out , i feel a hand on my knee . i look down in surprise to see nate 's arm disappearing under the tablecloth . i glance at him . he 's looking straight ahead as though nothing 's happening . i struggle to maintain my composure as heat travels from his hand and all the way up to ... `` so , this summer , i 'll be living with you then ? all of you ? '' nate turns to smile at me politely . his hand moves another inch up the bare skin of my thigh . i widen my eyes at him but he does n't react . we 'll all be living at pierce 's house- '' `` our house , '' pierce corrects my mom with a smile . `` our house , in potomac . it 's got tons of space , beautiful views of the river . it 'll be wonderful to have the summer to bond with each other , and really become a family . '' nate 's hand moves another inch up my leg . i can feel the rough , calloused skin of his palm . i 've never been so turned on in my life , but i 'm struggling against it . what is he thinking ? we 're at dinner with our parents ! `` i know you have some stuff at the old house , but we 'll have it moved to the new one . everything will be all set up when you get home , '' my mom says , smiling at me . `` mmm , '' i reply , trying to focus on her words . `` i was n't that attached to the old place anyway , '' i add with a shrug . we 'd moved a couple times after my dad left , so no one place has ever felt like home . nate 's hand moves another inch up my thigh , pushing up the hem of my dress so his fingers rest under it . my whole body is tingling . holy hell , i can barely breathe . i 'm shocked pierce and my mom do n't seem to notice that anything 's happening . with his other hand , nate takes a calm sip from his champagne flute . where 's the waitress ? he 'll have to move his hand when the food comes . he moves his hand up another inch . i ca n't take it any longer-another second and i 'm going to start moaning . as my mom moves her head to pierce 's ear to murmur sweet nothings , i slide my fork off the table and press it tongs-first into the top of nate 's hand . i hear him make a sharp intake of breath and then his mouth twitches as he tries to hold position through the pain . i press down harder . suddenly he yanks his hand away and i just manage to stop my hand in time so the fork does n't hit my leg . he turns to me and smiles , a wicked glimmer in his eyes . he was fucking with me , i realize . that 's his way of taking revenge for me showing him up in front of his dad ? what a goddamn creep ! i lean toward him with a fake smile plastered on my face . `` if you 're that pissed about it , bring it up with your dad , do n't take it out on me . i did try to turn it down . '' i hiss into his ear . he turns to me with an equally fake smile . `` i 'll do whatever the hell i like , sis . '' he says quietly so our parents ca n't hear . the rest of the meal passes without nate making another fake pass at me . the gears in my brain begin to move as i think about how i 'm going to be spending the entire summer , and potentially many other seasons , living with this guy . my life has been completely upended tonight , and i need some time to process everything . after the waitress clears our coffee cups and pierce takes care of the bill with a black amex card , we stand up to say goodbye . they 're going to drive back to maryland tonight since it takes under three hours . i hug pierce goodbye , then my mom . `` i know this was a lot to take in , honey .

we 'll talk everything over , i promise , '' she whispers reassuringly , then kisses me on the cheek . i smile at her and begin to tear up-i 'm pretty overwhelmed . nate surprises me by leaning in for a hug as our parents look on with a smile . `` great to meet you , '' he says , then whispers almost silently in my ear , `` sorry , we 'll never get a chance to have that threesome , sis . '' i freeze as he pats my back once and then breaks away . he remembered . and now he will always know how attracted i am to him . i have a feeling i 'm never going to hear the end of it . chapter five `` i do n't mean to question the relationship , it was just so sudden , '' i explain to my mom as she drives me home from the airport . i usually never fly to or from college , but pierce insisted . my biggest worry was that nate and i might be on the same flight , but luckily his exams ended earlier than mine . i want as much time as possible to prepare myself for our interactions . `` no , i get it , i really do , '' my mom assures me . `` you can ask me anything about pierce , or me and pierce , and i wo n't be upset . '' `` he treats you well ? '' `` he 's wonderful . he 's always surprising me with little gifts , trips , even . i do n't know what i 've done to deserve him . '' `` well , i think you 're pretty great . '' i offer dramatically . `` oh , i did n't mean it like that ! i just mean , pierce treats me like a princess . and the house is basically a castle , '' she adds , pointing to her right . i gasp at the flagstone mansion we 're pulling alongside . that 's his house ! ? it 's huge ! '' `` i know , right ? '' my mom replies with a laugh . `` it has maid 's quarters ! but you 'll get used to it , really . '' `` there 's a maid ? '' `` he used to have a housekeeper/maid who would cook for him , but now i do most of that stuff . i love having someone else to cook for again . the maid just comes once a week now to do a really thorough cleaning , '' she explains as we pull through the wrought-iron gates leading the driveway . `` are you still working at the salon ? '' she used to support herself as a manicurist at the tiny salon back in our small town in eastern maryland . `` nope , not anymore . i 'm volunteering , though , and thinking of joining some charitable boards , '' she says nonchalantly . my mom , a lady who lunches , i think , shaking my head . i do n't know if i can see it . my mom presses a button on the car 's dashboard and one of the two garage doors opens . we pull inside and i look around at the huge space as the door closes behind us . if i 'm this in shock about the size of the garage , i ca n't imagine how i 'll feel about the rest of the place . after the tour , which took over an hour because the house is so massive , my mom finally leads me to my room . my head is swimming at the lavishness of my new home . as we walk down the plushly carpeted hallway , i 'm alarmed to realize that i can actually smell nate . he must be nearby somewhere . i 've been dreading seeing him again and hoped i 'd have more time to settle in before our first confrontation . `` here 's nate 's room , '' my mom says as we pass a partially open door . `` he 's out somewhere right now . '' i shake my head at myself . i wish i could turn off the part of my body that 's attracted to him . if anything , though , my sex dreams about him have only become more frequent and more alarming ever since he laid his hand on my thigh . `` and here 's your room . '' i ca n't believe it 's right next door to nate 's room . there are so many rooms in this place-i would have preferred to have a bit more separation between us . `` whoa , '' i say as she pushes the door open , and my misgivings about the room are forgotten . a canopy with a delicate white fabric settled on it hangs over the four-poster bed in the center of the room . a matching nightstand , bureau , and vanity make up the rest of the furniture . the wallpaper is a tasteful , blue and white pattern with small birds on it that complements the light , airy feel of the room . i release the handle of my luggage and head over the to the window seat and kneel on it . there 's a spectacular view of the potomac river below-the house was clearly built to play up the amazing location . i glance to my left .

`` is that my own bathroom ? '' `` yup-no more sharing ! '' my mom replies gaily . i step inside and admire the all-white tile and huge tub . i 've never been in a house so nice . i ca n't believe i 'm actually going to call this place home from now on . `` you want anything to eat ? '' my mom asks from the bedroom . `` um , yeah , that would be great , '' i call over my shoulder . `` ok , i 'll whip something up . you stay here and get settled . i 'll be in the kitchen when you 're ready to eat . '' i wander back into the bedroom as my mom disappears down the stairs . there is one question i have that i ca n't bring myself to ask her . it 's just ... i know my mom worries about money , about me graduating from school with so much debt . it 's not that i think she would have married pierce just for the money , but i worry that it might have clouded her judgment a bit . they got married so quickly-can she really know him that well ? maybe i 'm just falling back into my usual pattern of co-dependency and mothering her . she 's a grown woman , i ca n't control what she does and i 'm not responsible for her decisions ... not to mention , i am hugely relieved to not have to carry around student loans for the rest of my life . i kick my sandals off and sink back down onto the window seat . the potomac is a dark green sliver barely visible through the bushy trees that line the back of the estate and continue down to the shoreline . i startle as a figure breaks the stillness . i recognize nate 's head as he walks up from the lower lawn to the pool , a lacrosse stick tucked over his shoulder . sheesh-is he training already ? school just ended ! i bite my lip as i watch him toss the stick on the deck and peel off his shirt . he uses it to wipe the sweat off his face , then tosses it on a chair and kicks off his sneakers . his body is just ... impossible . i mean , i guess it makes sense . two varsity sports are probably enough to give anyone a body like a greek god , but he also has the face to match . he jumps in the pool and i watch him swim a lap , the cool blue water cascading over his muscular back and shoulders . i need to get used to seeing him like this-and stop acting like a total freak every time we 're in the same room . this is my new normal . `` your food 's ready ! '' my mom calls upstairs , her voice echoing a bit in the multi-level foyer . i jump up and head downstairs . i turn into a formal dining room before finding my way to the kitchen . i stop as i realize the kitchen windows look directly out onto the pool . great . `` i ca n't believe nate 's already in the pool . the water 's still freezing , '' my mom comments . `` yeah , he 's crazy ... '' i reply , before i really hear what she said . i 'm too distracted by nate 's backstroke , his arms cutting cleanly through the water . `` so you two never once ran into each other on campus in the three years you 've been at uva ? '' she asks , sliding a blt onto the glass table in the breakfast nook . we sit down across from each other and i start eating . `` no , well ... we had n't ever met . '' `` but ? '' my mom digs , hearing a slight hesitation in my voice . `` well , nate 's really well known around campus . he starts on the lacrosse and crew teams , he 's smart , good- '' i catch myself and pretend to clear my throat . `` good-looking ? '' my mom asks with a smile . `` mom ... '' i groan . `` well , he is . i 'm not blind . actually , pierce looked just like him when he was his age . '' i see nate get out of the pool over my mom 's shoulder and shake himself off . i force myself to look down at my sandwich as he walks across to a lawn chair and lies down . `` what happened to nate 's mom ? '' my mom winces . `` pierce does n't really like to talk about it-too painful . apparently , she cheated on him and then abandoned him and nate . they never see her . '' `` oh , that 's awful , '' i murmur , trying to shove down the twinge of pity i feel for my new stepbrother . `` i think it 's one of the things that brought us together-raising a child by ourselves . '' my eyes flick to the door as nate slides it open .

he 's put his shirt back on but it clings to his still damp torso , emphasizing his muscular pecs and shoulders . he drops his sneakers on the mat as he shuts the door behind him . `` hey nate , '' my mom greets him . `` would you like a sandwich ? '' `` you do n't have to do that , '' he says , a little gruffly . `` i do n't mind at all , '' she replies , standing to move back to the counter . he pauses , then sits in her abandoned chair a bit reluctantly . `` it 's so funny that you and brynn never met at school ! '' `` i think there might have been one time- '' he says , glancing at me , that same devilish look back in his eyes . i feel his knee come to rest against mine under the table , and i quickly cross my legs . `` in class . we have been in a few of the same classes together , '' i clarify , narrowing my eyes at him . `` we have ? '' he asks looking genuinely surprised . my mom quietly spreads mayo on a slice of bread at the marble island . `` yes , '' i whisper , embarrassed . of course he would n't remember all of the times we 've sat in the same classroom-only the time when i ogled him in the doorway of his bedroom and completely embarrassed myself . i blush . i want to sink into this seat cushion and disappear . he frowns at me then turns his palm over and begins to pick at a callous . `` so honey , pierce says you 'll start your internship on monday , ok ? that 'll give you a few days to settle in , '' my mom says as she slides the sandwich in front of nate . `` sounds good , '' i reply , glancing at nate out of the corner of my eye . `` i 'm having someone over for dinner tomorrow night , '' he announces rather abruptly . `` oh , wonderful . a friend from around here ? '' `` not a friend , really . a girl i dated in high school , '' nate clarifies . i keep my eyes trained carefully forward . `` do you know if she has any dietary restrictions ? '' my mom asks , excitedly flying into hostess mode . `` i could make this chicken dish my mom passed down , or ... '' i tune out as she offers more ideas , and polish off my sandwich as quickly as possible so i can excuse myself and go upstairs . i sigh as i close my bedroom door behind me . so now i have to have dinner with nate 's ex-girlfriend . is this what the rest of the summer is going to be like ? nate punishing me for his father 's favor by exploiting my attraction to him ? i 'd rather be back in the library , buried in a book . chapter six i push the sauteed chicken around my plate as i try not to watch nate drape his arm around the back of dana 's chair . she 's pretty . very pretty . and sweet . i wish she were n't so sweet so i could hate her for a good reason . `` so how long did you two date ? '' my mom asks . `` well , it was on and off , so ... hard to say . he actually went to prom with one of my friends , '' she replies , jokingly nudging nate , who at least has the grace to blush . `` nate ... '' his dad says , shaking his head admonishingly . `` oh , it 's ok . i went with one of his friends , '' dana says with a smile . `` i think we both knew it was n't meant to be . '' `` a couple of my friends met their husbands in high school , '' my mom says , resting her fork on her plate . `` though i read an article recently that said that twenty-eight percent of women meet their husbands in college . '' she looks pointedly at me and i jump up . `` i 'll clear , '' i announce . i have a feeling i know where this conversation is headed and i want to avoid it . `` oh , thank you , brynn , '' pierce says , as i stack the plates on top of one another . `` no problem , '' i reply . `` i waited tables in high school . '' `` same , '' nate says , as i reach in front of him to take his plate . `` you did not , '' i retort , before i can think . he looks up at me and raises his eyebrows , his gaze unreadable beneath them . pierce laughs . `` it 's true . '' `` my dad says working is the only way to build character , '' nate reports quietly . `` oh , '' i say , blushing as i push my way through the swinging door into the kitchen . i place the china carefully next to the sink and lean onto the counter . god , i feel like i ca n't say anything right around nate . my mind freezes up while my body is set on fire .

`` so , are you dating anyone at school , brynn ? '' pierce asks . damn him . `` not right now , '' i reply , sitting back down . `` who were you dating ? maybe i know him , '' nate says , his dark eyes picking up the candlelight in the table 's elaborate centerpiece . my mom spent all afternoon on it . `` probably not , '' i say evasively , pasting a polite smile on my face . he really knows how to get under my skin . the truth is , i 've never really dated anyone , much as my mom pushes me , and as much as i 'm embarrassed by the fact . `` who wants dessert ? '' i manage to sidestep any more questioning by bringing out the last course , though now i 'm starting to think about the fact that nate and dana are probably going to want to go off somewhere after this and have sex . i hope it 's not in nate 's room . what if i can hear them through the wall ? my mom insists on clearing the dessert plates , and nate and dana stand up . pierce and nate start talking quietly , and dana comes over to me . `` you are so gorgeous . '' she offers . `` i have to ask : what do you use on your skin ? '' `` i-what ? um , soap ? '' oh man , she really makes it difficult to hate her . `` soap ? just ... soap ? oh my god , i have this whole routine , '' she says , laughing at herself . `` well , thanks . i guess i 'll be seeing you around often ? '' i ask , but she looks surprised . `` because you and nate are dating . '' `` we 're not really dating , '' she confides to me . `` he 's not the type , and i gave up hope years ago . but just look at him-can you blame me for coming back ? '' she says with a grin , then her eyes widen . `` oh my gosh-sorry ! i forgot for a second that he 's your brother ! '' `` step-brother , '' i correct her . `` well , i 'm gon na head upstairs . it was really nice to meet you , dana . '' `` you , too , '' she replies , stepping away to join pierce and nate 's conversation . i head into the foyer but at the last second decide not to go upstairs . i need some air . i find myself heading down the hallway and to the french doors in the wood-paneled study . they open onto the patio and i step outside with relief , closing the door behind me . the firm breeze from the river calls me forward and i head down toward it . i circle around the swimming pool on the first level of the backyard , and then down to a grassy lawn with a lacrosse goal set up on one end . the wooden stairs down to the rocky beach are set on the right side , and it takes me a minute to find them in the dark . as i head down the steps , i see the potomac spread out in front of me . the water rushes hungrily by , lit only by the sparsely set houses on the cliffs surrounding it . as i step onto the shore , i can feel the rocks pressing up through my sandals , and boulders casting long , dark shadows on either side of me . this is no white-sand beach . the river runs dangerously fast after rains , and there are even white-water rapids along parts of it . i look back at the steps behind me and then back out at the river . i feel so out of place here . even though our old house did n't really feel like home either , i wish i were there now , stretched out on the ratty old couch , with my mom in her chair , watching something on our small tv . i do n't know if i 'll ever be able to feel like i belong here . i 'll always feel like a guest in pierce 's house . i walk down closer to the water until i can feel the pebbles getting smaller underneath my feet . i do n't want my shoes to get wet . i jump as a bird breaks out of a tree above me . i can just see it as it flies off , its body a moving ink blot against the dark sky . i wish i could follow it . i turn and walk back toward the steps , feeling as lonely as i 've ever felt . i shake my head at myself as i climb the wooden stairs . my mom is happy , and i 'm fortunate to live in a place like this . stop feeling sorry for yourself , brynn . as i walk across the lower lawn , i look up and see my mom and pierce 's bedroom light go off . i guess they 're turning in early tonight . i walk up toward the pool and freeze as i hear a moan . the lights downstairs are all off except one in the hall , and the pool 's lights underneath the water .

my eyes dart around and fall on two writhing bodies on a poolside lounge chair . nate and dana . i stare as nate whips off his own shirt and then dana 's . i know i should move but i do n't . the blue pool lights shimmer against his back muscles as he expertly undoes dana 's bra and pulls off her pants and underwear . leave , you pervert ! my brain commands me , but my body stays firmly glued in place , even as it throbs with desire . one of nate 's hands massages dana 's ample breasts , and the other disappears beneath her . dana cries out immediately and i almost gasp myself , as though his hands are moving against me . i can practically feel his touch on me , his hot breath against my ear as his expert fingers move inside me ... nate grunts and pushes against her . she struggles to contain herself as he thrusts slowly in and out of her . oh my god-what am i doing ! ? i step back with a jolt as though i 'm breaking out of a trance and almost trip over the hydrangea bush next to me in my hurry to get away . i run as quickly and quietly as i can around the side of the house and to the front . i reach the front door and pray that nate is going to lock up later . i feel the doorknob turn and push the door open in relief . i hurry up the curving staircase and down the hall into my room , kicking off my sandals before hurling myself onto my bed and burying my head in the pillows . i can feel my cheeks burning with mortification over what i just witnessed and the uncontrollable desire i felt . i 've had crushes before , but none like my obsession with nate . and even after finally meeting him , only to have him tease me and push my buttons , i still feel so physically drawn to him . i pull my face out of the pillow and crawl to the nightstand , pulling my dog-eared copy of lady chatterley 's lover out of the top drawer . just as i 'm opening it to the folded-over page , there 's a quiet knock at my door . i toss my book on the bed and walk to it , hoping and praying it 's not nate . i almost jump as i pull open the door and nate 's face appears , shrouded in the darkness of the hallway . he leans forward , leaning his forearm on the doorjamb as i step back nervously . his wavy hair looks particularly unruly , and his lips are curved in a slight smile . `` technically speaking , does a peeping tom have to be outside , looking inside ? or does the term still apply if both , or all three , parties are outdoors ? '' he asks , calmly , tilting his chin up slightly as he considers me . `` i ... i do n't ... '' i stammer , feeling heat crawl up the back of my neck . `` you . were . watching us , '' he accuses me , narrowing his eyes . i just ... i was down at the river ... how did you ... ? '' `` i heard a twig snap and saw you running away like a drunken ostrich . '' `` did dana- ? '' `` no , and i did n't tell her . '' `` thank god . '' `` so ? what did you think ? '' he smirks . `` oh , i 'm so sorry , again . i 'm so embarrassed , '' i rush on . it strikes me that this is the longest conversation i 've ever had with my new stepbrother . and it 's about how i 'm a pervert . fantastic . `` why were you watching us ? '' he asks , stepping forward into my room . i take another step away from him . `` um , i ... i do n't know . it just sort of happened . i did n't mean to . '' `` liar , '' he comments lightly . `` asshole . '' it slips out before i can stop myself . he tilts his head slightly . `` prude , '' he levels at me . i look down . maybe i am a prude , but i do n't want to be . he asks . when i look back up at him , i see him gazing past me , to my book on the bed . `` nothing , just a book , '' i say , but he 's breezing past me toward it . i hurry after him but he reaches the bed before me and picks up the book . `` see ? '' i say defiantly . `` i know what lady chatterley 's lover is about , '' he says , looking at me with a smug grin . `` maybe not such a prude after all , '' he adds , running his eyes up and down my body . i swallow hard . `` you know what i think ? '' he asks , stepping toward me . i step away again , feeling one of the posts of my bed against my back . `` i think you want me .

i think you can barely contain yourself . '' `` that 's mighty arrogant of you , '' i comment . i begin to tug the ends of my hair nervously . `` why are you doing that ? '' he asks , frowning . `` it 's just a nervous habit , '' i say with a shrug , and drop my hand . `` so i make you nervous ? '' `` no , '' i reply quickly . `` just you being in here ... '' `` i 'm only arrogant if i 'm wrong . '' `` wrong about what ? '' i feel the urge to pull my hair again but do n't want to give him the satisfaction . `` wrong about you wanting me . let 's give it a test- '' he narrows his eyebrows , studying me . `` i 'm going to kiss you now , and all you have to do is tell me to stop . '' `` what ? that 's crazy . not to mention you just fucked dana , and now you expect me to kiss you ? '' i protest , but he steps toward me . i try to pull backward but i 'm already pressed against my bedpost . desire unfurls deep in my stomach as his eyes lock onto mine . `` if it 's crazy , just tell me to stop , '' he whispers teasingly , and moves closer . his musky scent fills my nose and my mind begins to swim . i feel wetness trickling down my thigh as he curls his arms around me , grasping the bedpost with both hands behind my lower back . he 's so close to me . i can feel heat radiating off him . his legs and chest sink against me and he moves his lips toward mine . just a few inches between nate thornhill 's mouth and mine . now an inch . now two centimeters ... i can feel his warm breath against my partially open lips ... `` stop . '' i whisper . he freezes but does n't pull away , as though he ca n't believe what he 's just heard . though truthfully , i 'm marveling at my own restraint . i can feel his erection against my thigh-i know he wants me , too . now i can beat him at his own game . i lean forward slightly , allowing my lips to brush against his as i speak , `` unless you do n't want to . '' his eyes , which were focused on my lips , flick back up to meet mine . i force myself to stay steady even as i 'm consumed by the lust in his gaze . he stares at me for a moment , then pushes off the bedpost and steps back . he opens his mouth , about to say something , but nothing comes out . i remain pressed against the bedpost as he turns and moves toward the door . without looking back , he shuts it behind him . i stumble forward and take a deep breath . it 's like he takes all the air out of the room and i ca n't breathe when he 's around . i ca n't believe i just rejected him . i 'm stunned , but i also feel like giving myself a standing ovation . i just resisted the advances of nate thornhill , my fantasy of almost three years . i should win a willpower award . i knew that if i 'd let him kiss me , i would forever lose any kind of power in our relationship . i 'd be just be another pathetic girl who fell for his charms . of course , the downside is that i 'm more turned on than i 've ever been in my life , and i 'm alone with a book again . i sigh and crawl back onto my bed . i have a feeling that whatever is happening between me and my stepbrother , i have n't seen the end of it yet . chapter seven `` i 'm so happy there 's another girl working here ! '' constance says , swiveling around on her desk chair . she 's my new cubicle mate , and one of only a handful of other interns at thornhill and co. `` ah , there . my outlook is finally working , '' i announce , opening the email system on my desktop . `` so they 'll want you to sign an nda and stuff , but after , want to go to lunch ? '' she asks . `` what 's an nda ? '' i turn to face her . `` non-disclosure agreement . there are a ton of senators and big business types who come in here , and you ca n't tell anyone . very important , '' she says in hushed tones . she seems very pleased that she 's snagged this coveted internship , which is probably why i have n't told her that i 'm the boss 's stepdaughter . i 've never benefited from nepotism before , and it feels strange and uncomfortable to me now . well i 'd love to get lunch later this week , but i 'm having lunch with my friend allison today .

we go to uva together , and she 's got an internship at this urban planning place in georgetown , so i 'm going to meet up with her . '' georgetown has really good shopping . i 'd love to go with you sometime . fashion is like , my side hobby , and you have a stylist 's dream body . '' `` i do n't think i- '' i begin my canned response to a shopping invitation before i realize that maybe i can afford it . and constance looks so perfectly chic in her patterned cardigan and statement necklace . `` you know , that would be wonderful . i really do n't know what to buy . '' `` oh , i can help you with that . but careful not to wear anything too tight around mr. thornhill , '' she adds , rolling her eyes . i ask with a frown . `` oh my god , who is that ? '' constance asks , breaking away from our conversation to stand and peer over our cubicle wall . i join her to see nate and pierce walking down the hallway together toward the elevator bank . they must be having lunch together . `` that 's his son , '' i reply , immediately sitting down again . `` he looks like a polo model ! '' constance exclaims , sitting back down . `` um , what were you saying about pierce-mr. thornhill-just then ? '' `` well , i 've never had an issue , but maybe he 's just not into asian girls , '' she says , throwing her black hair over her shoulder carelessly . `` from what i 've heard , though , he has a certain reputation . '' `` oh , no , '' i reply , worriedly tugging on my hair . i knew he was too good to be true . from what i 've heard , he 's pretty harmless , he 's just from a different generation when it comes to women around the office-especially young women , '' she adds . `` mmhm , '' i reply , my mind already spiraling into crisis mode . `` you ok , brynn ? '' `` maybe he 's changed , though . i mean , he 's married now , '' i say , clinging to a speck of hope . `` yeah , i heard he got married . '' she shrugs . `` could be . i do n't think it 's something that 's been really recent or anything . '' i nod , feeling slightly mollified . we both spin back to our computers as we hear footsteps approaching our cubicle . i glance up to see pierce and nate appear in the opening . `` brynn , this is going to sound awful , '' pierce begins , and i brace myself . `` but nate and i had plans to go to lunch , and we got down to the lobby before i realized how rude it was not to invite you along . '' phew . for a second i thought he overheard our conversation . `` oh , that 's so nice , but i actually have lunch plans with my best friend from school , anyway . '' `` oh i see ... well , enjoy ! there are some great restaurants around here . we just wanted to let you know you were invited , '' pierce says kindly , though from nate 's frown i 'm guessing that it was more his idea than his son 's . `` constance , right ? '' he says , turning to her . `` yes , that 's right , '' she squeaks . `` alright , well , we better get going or we 'll be late for our reservation . see you at home ! '' pierce says with a wave , and walks off with nate in tow . huh . i notice that nate did n't say a single word to me . i guess he does n't like being the one left wanting for once . `` why will mr. thornhill see you at home ? '' constance says , slowly turning her desk chair to face me , a weird expression on her face . `` um , well , i 'm his stepdaughter . he just married my mom . '' constance gasps and buries her face in her hands . `` oh my god , oh my god , i 'm so fired . i 'm fired , right ? '' no ! i do n't have that kind of authority , i 'm just an intern , like you . '' `` you 're the boss 's daughter , and i was just gossiping about him ! '' `` step-daughter , and i get it . if i 'd heard rumors like that , i might want to warn other women i work with , too . '' `` but i do n't even know if they 're true , i 'm so sorry , '' she says miserably . `` really , it 's ok. and i 'm sorry that i did n't tell you earlier that i 'm his stepdaughter . i just ... you know , did n't want it to seem like it was the only reason i got the internship . i mean , i really do work very hard . '' `` of course you do ! of course . yes .

i should get back to work , '' constance says , turning to her computer and beginning to type rapidly . `` ... and now i 'm worried she 's going to keep acting really weird around me , '' i confide to allison over a caesar salad at clyde 's on m street . `` do you think it 's true ? '' she whispers , leaning over the table between us . `` i do n't know ... i mean , maybe he was just a flirt , and it got blown out of proportion , you know ? '' `` i bet that 's what it is , '' allison says , nodding her head sagely . `` who knows how stories like that really get started ? and once they 're out there , you ca n't erase them . '' `` i hope that 's what it is ... i do n't want to discount some woman 's , or women 's , experience just because it would be inconvenient for me , though , and painful for my mom . she would be so crushed if it were true . '' `` i would n't worry about it . and that girl said they were old stories , right ? '' `` right . '' `` and you said he treats your mom well , so i bet they 're just ugly rumors . '' `` yeah , yeah , '' i reply , pushing the thought of pierce 's alleged misbehavior to the back of my brain . `` how 's the place you 're staying at george washington ? '' i ask , knowing she 's taking advantage of a program at the nearby university to give summer interns a low-cost place to stay in an otherwise expensive city . my roommate 's kinda loud , though . how 's your new house ? '' `` it 's so big ! i do n't know why anyone would need that much space . i mean before my mom and i got there , it was just for two people . well , three , including the maid . '' `` there 's a maid ? ! '' `` there was . she does n't live there anymore . oh , and there 's all this flagstone on it , so i thought it was old , but my mom said that pierce had the house built around fifteen years ago . he must have spent a lot of money to make something so new look worn-in . '' `` you 're lucky , '' allison says . `` how 's the stepbrother ? i do n't know if i could live with a dumb jock . '' `` well , nate 's not dumb . i 've been in a few classes with him , and he 's really smart . he was even waitlisted for a lawn room . '' `` you 're a little defensive of him , '' allison observes , sipping her water . `` yeah , i guess so . i do n't know why though . he 's been playing these weird mind games with me . '' `` mind games ? '' she repeats , frowning . i push a crouton around my plate as i think about how much to tell her . i have a feeling it 's not the kind of situation she 'd condone , but i also really want to talk to someone about what 's been going on . `` well , you remember that i used to have a crush on him ? '' `` yeah , i remember you saying something about it sophomore year . '' `` i ... i still have a crush on him . or i think i do ... i do n't know . i 'm definitely attracted to him , and he 's aware of the fact . he can be really rude , and then last night , he almost kissed me , but he ... '' `` whoa , what ? i mean , brynn , he 's your stepbrother . '' `` i know ! but only for the last few weeks , and- '' `` ok ... but what if you did kiss ? what then ? you 'd have to see him every day , because your mom and his dad are married . and then even if you were n't living together , what about holidays ? you 'd be cutting the thanksgiving turkey and sitting across from the guy you 'd made out with ... for every thanksgiving . '' `` ugh , you 're right , '' i reply , dropping my fork and covering my face with my hands . this is why i did n't want to tell allison-she 'd throw logic in the face of my hormones . but the truth is , she 's right . i feel like a bucket of cold water has just been poured over my head . `` you 're right , '' i repeat . `` i ca n't believe i even let it get this far . '' i head back to the office after lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in an awkward silence with constance . i try to get her to engage about online shopping , but she only offers me one-word responses . later in the day i meet another intern named greg , a cute , strawberry-blonde guy who blushes when i look him in the eye .

he is more the kind of person i should be looking to date . i just wish i felt that same rush that i do whenever i 'm around nate . i drive home just after six in the old audi that was just sitting in the thornhill 's garage . it 's definitely the most expensive car i 've ever driven , and it 's fun to really let out the engine on the short stretch of the beltway on my way back to potomac . i park in the garage and let myself in to the small anteroom off the kitchen , where i kick off my shoes . `` mom ? '' i call out , before spotting her outside on the back lawn , talking on the phone as the sun sets behind her . i head upstairs with my tote bag still over my shoulder . the huge house is silent as i walk up the steps and down the hallway . nate must still be at his internship . my mom told me he got one at some think tank downtown . i drop my bag as i walk into my bedroom and push the door almost closed behind me with my foot . i ca n't wait to get this skirt off . it 's my one pencil skirt , and it 's a little itchy around my waist . i step into the bathroom and turn on the elegant faucet in the sink . i tie my hair behind my head with a loose elastic and splash some cool water on my skin . first days are always exhausting , but i think today was unusually so . as i look back up to my reflection , dripping with water , i see something move in the mirror . i stare at it blankly , not understanding what i 'm seeing . the mirror above the sink is reflecting the mirror above my vanity in the bedroom , which is in turn reflecting an image from my partially open bedroom door . it 's nate , i realize . he 's standing outside my door , and he does n't realize i can see him . i look down at the sink , pretending to watch the last of the water as it swirls down the drain . a shiver of excitement runs through me at the idea that nate could actually be interested in me-i mean , he 's there , right now , watching me . before i process what i 'm doing , before i can think of all the reasons not to , i slowly move my hands to my lower back and undo the clasp at the top of the zipper , then unzip my skirt . i let it fall in a pile at my feet , then step out of it . i look up carefully and nate is still there in the double reflection . allison 's warning echoes through my mind but i keep going . i feel high , high on the feeling that i 'm actually desired . i catch hold of the back of my rather shapeless blouse in my hands and pull it up over my head , then toss it onto the floor . as i look back in the mirror , i try to imagine what someone else might see when they look at me , without my constant negative interior monologue telling me nasty things about myself . do i have the kind of body that someone like nate could find attractive ? now down to my bra and underwear , i begin to feel nervous , but i reach up to unclasp my bra . i feel the straps loosen on my shoulders and bring my hands forward to catch it as it falls . `` brynn ? you home ? '' i hear my mom call from the foyer . i freeze , holding the bra against my breasts . i glance up . nate is gone . `` yup , i 'm home ! '' i yell back . `` i saw your shoes ! i 'm coming up-i want to hear all about your first day . '' i hear her footsteps on the staircase and hurriedly refasten my bra . nothing like your mom 's voice to kill your libido . chapter eight the next couple weeks of my new life seem to pass rather quickly , mostly due to the fact that nate is always out with his friends after work , and our run-ins have been few and far between . i 've settled into a routine of sorts , even if i still do n't feel like i 'm at home here . i 'd gone to bed early last night , with the intention of sleeping in this morning before visiting museums with allison later in the day . however a loud noise from downstairs awakens me-i stare bleary eyed at my alarm clock , it 's only 6:15am . who 'd be awake this early on a saturday morning ? i get out of bed and tiptoe to my door . i open it a little and hear something shuffling around downstairs . i tiptoe out into the hallway and see everyone 's bedroom doors are closed . i know there 's an alarm system-i had to memorize the passcode . maybe an ungainly mouse is exploring ? i creep down the staircase and through the dining room . the noises sounded like they were coming from the kitchen .

the swinging door is open , and i peak my head around it , my heartbeat blasting in my ears . suddenly , nate steps out in front of me . he exclaims , and i jump back , startled . `` oh , god , i thought you were a burglar . '' `` then you should have called 911 , '' he retorts brusquely , turning his back to me and walking to the island . `` well , you should be glad i did n't . '' sheesh , does he have to find something wrong with everything i say ? `` what are you doing up so early anyway ? '' `` i was just working out . '' `` wow . this early ? '' i ask , moving around him . he 's fiddling with something in front of him . `` yeah , every morning . i need to stay in shape during the off-season . '' `` i 'd be exhausted if- '' i break off , as i see blood dripping from his palms onto the granite countertop . `` oh my god , you 're bleeding ! '' i gasp . `` yeah , i just ca n't get this fucking tape to ... '' he struggles to wind a bandage around his palm . `` let me , '' i say , spying a first aid kit on the counter by the window . from the blood smeared on it , i can see nate 's already gone through it . `` you do n't have to , '' he protests . `` come over here . the light 's better , '' i instruct him . `` do you know what you 're doing ? '' he asks , less than thrilled to accept my help . `` more than you , '' i reply with a smile , nodding at the mess of tape around his palm . i wash my hands in the sink and then open up the kit . i take a pair of surgical scissors and cut off the tape that he 's already applied . i glance up slightly , and for the first time it hits me that he 's shirtless , wearing only a pair of gym shorts and sneakers . he 's covered in sweat . `` how 'd this happen ? '' `` i over-trained a little . got dizzy , tripped on a rock and held out my hands to break my fall , '' he replies , eyes downcast as he watches me work . `` over-training for what ? lacrosse or crew ? '' i ask as i pull out a piece of gauze and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide . `` both . either , '' he murmurs . `` this is going to sting , '' i warn him , as i pat the gashes on his hands with the soaked gauze . he hisses slightly as the liquid stings him , but does n't move . i slide my other hand under his , to stabilize it as i cleanse the wound of dirt . i 've never touched him this long before . `` other hand . '' he switches hands and i go to work cleaning the other one . `` maybe you should take a little time off from training , '' i suggest quietly . `` or i could just work out my leg muscles , '' he says , and i look up to see a wry grin on his face . `` mmm , '' i murmur , smiling too . `` you know , '' i go on , a bit more bravely , `` i heard that only one varsity athlete got a lawn room , because sports are such a time commitment , much less a two-sport athlete- '' `` do n't do that , '' he grunts . `` i do n't want your pity . '' `` it 's not pity , it 's facts . '' `` i was born with everything , i have no excuse for not achieving my all of goals . '' `` where did you hear that ? it sounds like- '' i break off , feeling him stiffen under my touch . i was going to say his father but i can tell he does n't want me to go there . `` you 're just really hard on yourself , that 's all , '' i say instead . i gently dab some neosporin onto the cuts . `` i know what everyone sees when they look at me , '' he replies quietly . `` entitled ... born with a silver spoon in my mouth ... i work as hard as i do so that no one can say i succeed because of my family 's wealth . '' that 's half of the equation i think , but it seems like he does n't see how hard his father pushes him . `` i got a little bit of that at work the other day , '' i say , wondering if it 's ok to broach the topic of the internship he wanted . i take a dry piece of gauze and cover his palm with it before picking up the tape and beginning to wrap it around his hand . `` when they found out i was pierce 's stepdaughter , i mean . feels weird . '' `` your first experience of nepotism ? '' `` yeah , '' i say with a smile .

`` actually , my mom once got me a part-time job as the receptionist at the salon where she used to work , so i guess that 's not true . '' `` where does your dad work ? '' `` no idea . probably a repair shop somewhere . he 's a mechanic , or he was . last time we heard from him was several years ago . he was in florida then , but he never stays in one place very long . '' `` so you 're the first in your family to go to college , '' he observes , as i finish taping one hand and move to the other . `` is that why you 're so serious ? '' i ask , my eyes moving up to his . `` serious is n't the right word ... distant , maybe . '' `` distant ? that 's worse , '' i reply , feeling a little hurt . `` i did n't mean to insult you . i 'm just trying to figure you out . we were really in class together ? which one ? '' `` there were three . the first was this american history survey class freshman year . '' `` professor michaels ? '' `` yeah . i always sat behind you , though . i 'm not surprised you did n't see me , '' i say , pressing down slightly as i finish wrapping his hands . `` i am , '' he replies . i glance up sharply , but his eyes are n't focused on my face . they 're looking at my body , which i now realize is quite exposed in my thin , white cotton nightie . i completely forgot i was wearing it . there 's a moment of silence , and i suddenly become very aware of every inch of myself , and every inch of him . his smell of sweat , beads of it still dripping forward down his chest , through a smattering of hair between his nipples . allison 's face appears in my mind , and i 'm reminded of what she said . `` i 'm done . '' he says , his eyes pulling up to mine . `` with your hands . i 'm done . '' i grab a glass from the cabinet and pour him some water from the faucet . `` here , you felt dizzy because you 're dehydrated . '' `` thanks , '' he says . he reaches for the glass with his left hand , which is closer , and then pauses and takes it awkwardly with his right . i ask , frowning . `` let me see your left arm , '' i reply , reaching for him , but he pulls back . `` no , no , it 's nothing . '' `` what is ? '' `` my shoulder . it 's just a little tendonitis . '' did a doctor tell you that ? '' `` webmd ? '' i ask , raising my eyebrows . he shrugs , then winces . `` you need to take better care of yourself . you ca n't keep pushing yourself so hard . '' he frowns , and does n't respond . `` well , at least take some tylenol for the pain , '' i add as i pour two pills into my hand and begin to repack the first aid kit with the other . `` that 's ok. '' i tilt my head at him . `` pain is n't going to make you heal any faster , '' i point out . `` fine , '' he says with a little smile . i blush as his fingertips scrape my palm as he takes the pills . `` well . i think i 'm going back to bed . i 'm supposed to check out some of the smithsonian museums later , so ... '' i trail off , feeling awkward now . `` ok , see you later , '' he says , turning toward the back door . i pause for a moment , then head back toward the staircase . just like that , the one real conversation that my stepbrother and i have ever had is over . i could practically feel him closing back up at the end there . i climb the steps and shut my bedroom door behind me . i feel more confused now than ever about our relationship . i did n't think it could get any weirder after that peep show i gave him , but somehow this candid glimpse of him makes things even more complicated . i close my eyes and try to fall back to sleep , but when my alarm goes off at ten , i 'm still wide awake . chapter nine the humidity is really starting to thicken by the middle of june , and it 's a wonder that i have n't taken advantage of our pool yet . the only swimsuit i have is an old athletic one-piece , and i pull it on reluctantly in my bedroom . my mom keeps asking me if i want to go shopping , but i have n't taken her up on it yet . all her new clothes look wonderful but i think i 'd feel uncomfortable spending so much money on myself . i head down the hallway and almost bump into nate as he leaves his bedroom . i reflexively cross my hands over my chest , even though i know he 's seen me in less . `` hey , '' i say . `` hey , '' he replies .

it 's the same conversation we 've had ever since i saw him in the kitchen that morning . we quickly slipped into polite , but formal , interactions with each other afterward . if i had to choose between this and the mind games we started out with , i might choose the mind games . the doorbell rings and i start to move past him to answer it . `` it 's ok i 'll get it . it 's my friend jackson . '' he walks down the hallway toward the stairs . i follow after him , and turn toward the backyard once we 're in the foyer . i hear his friend walk in just as i exit the french doors . there 's a chest set against the house with the outdoor towels in it , so i grab one and set it on a chair . the area around the pool it is paved with light stones before it turns into grass , and lounge chairs and a table with an umbrella are carefully set around it . i turn to the pool and step gingerly onto the first step in the shallow end . it 's nice-warm , but still refreshing in the hot summer day . i step down the rest of the way until the water circles around my stomach , and then dive forward . i swim to the other end , where the water gets darker and deeper , then push off and glide onto my back . i open my eyes as i push the water past me with my hands and look up toward the house rising against the sun on my left . a flash of movement in the second floor window grabs my attention . there 's a figure moving there , pulling a curtain aside . at first i think it 's nate-it 's his room , i think-but then i catch a glimpse of blonde hair . must be his friend jackson . i turn onto my stomach and dive back under the water . i want nate to be the one watching me . i was never much into sports , but i 've always wondered if i 'd be any good at them . i push harder for the last couple laps and finally pull my head up at the shallow end , gasping for breath . i take the steps back out of the pool and walk around to my towel and dry off my hair , then drape it onto the chair and lay down on it . i can feel the suit clinging to my torso , and water sitting in my belly button . i hear the door to the house open behind me and shield my eyes from the sun as i turn around to see who it is . jackson bounds out of the door , his face spread in a genial grin . `` hey , you must be brynn . i 'm jackson , one of nate 's oldest friends . '' `` nice to meet you , '' i say as we shake hands . i notice nate lagging behind , standing just outside the door and looking reluctant to put another foot toward the pool . `` come on , man , let 's get in . i 've been dreaming about this pool for days . '' `` we should n't bother her , she likes to be alone , '' nate says reluctantly . jackson pulls off his shirt , and i look down at my interlaced fingers in my lap . he 's got a great body . maybe not as good as nate 's , but whose is ? jackson kicks off his flip-flops and jumps in , his splash narrowly missing me . nate slowly walks toward the chair furthest from me , and takes off his shirt . i watch his back muscles tense as he lifts it off his head . `` nate and i grew up playing lacrosse together , '' jackson says , swimming to the edge of the pool and leaning his elbows onto the deck in front of me . `` hm ? oh , '' i reply , as nate dives in the deep end . `` so you guys go to school together ? '' `` yup . uva-i mean , of course you knew that . '' `` which sorority are you in ? '' he asks , pushing his wet hair out of his eyes . `` i 'm not . it 's expensive , and i 'm already pretty busy with work . um , where do you go ? '' nate pops up next to jackson . they make quite a pair , nate with his dark eyes and jackson with his light blonde locks . `` you wan na get some food now ? '' nate asks . `` dude we just got here . besides , you 're not supposed to eat for thirty minutes after you swim . '' `` before , '' nate and i both chime in . we glance at each other as he continues . `` you 're not supposed to eat for thirty minutes before . why would n't it be ok to eat after you swim ? '' `` i dunno , '' jackson replies , flashing me a blindingly white smile . `` just thought that was the rule . '' i find myself smiling back at him . he has a boyish charm that 's infectious .

`` i 'm pretty sure that 's a myth adults made up so they 'd have time to eat their own lunch without the kids swimming unsupervised . '' `` ah that makes more sense . you grow up around here ? '' he asks me . `` yeah , on the eastern shore . '' `` oh , sweet . my family has a vacation house there . i love going out there . sailing in the bay and everything . you go sailing a lot ? '' `` um , not really , '' i reply . nate kicks off the wall and begins to swim back and forth behind jackson . i guess he 's decided not to take it easy on his injured shoulder . `` we should go some time . maybe not with him , '' he replies , nodding behind him . `` too competitive . '' `` he is , is n't he ? '' it feels nice to be able to talk about nate with someone who knows him . and who will gossip . `` was he always like that ? '' `` oh man , always . we 're like , ten years old , playing lacrosse on our school team , and coach was constantly having to pull him back during practice 'cause he was always going full out , full contact . '' he and i laugh together . i notice nate pause in his stroke , but i ca n't imagine he can hear us . `` do you still play lacrosse ? '' `` naw , i do n't really have the discipline to keep up with it . i was good in high school , but you have to be great to cut it in college . what sport do you play ? '' `` oh , none . '' you look like you 're so in shape . '' `` oh , thanks , '' i reply , managing to only blush a bit . from anyone else it would have seemed like a ham-fisted compliment , but jackson has such a natural , easygoing way about him . `` you going to this party in georgetown tonight ? '' he asks , dunking his head briefly underneath the water , then shaking off his hair like a dog . `` what party ? '' `` oh , i figured nate told you . '' `` told her what ? '' nate asks , appearing next to him . `` 'bout chris 's party , '' jackson replies nonchalantly . nate 's jaw muscles twitch . `` had n't mentioned it , '' he replies shortly . `` well , you should come , '' jackson says , turning back to me . `` she 's not going to know anyone , and i think it 's just gon na be a small thing , '' nate says . `` dude , chris said to invite anyone . they 've got the whole townhouse . it 's gon na be great . '' `` i just- '' nate begins , as i bite my lip . here i thought we were maybe getting along better , despite the awkwardness , and now he 's going out of his way to exclude me . `` if you 're worried about being a third wheel , just invite dana or someone , '' jackson says , though even when he 's arguing , he does n't seem to have a care in the world . `` so , what do you think ? '' `` sounds great , actually , '' i say , glancing at nate , feeling a bit gratified as he glares at me . it feels good to spite him a little , since he so clearly does n't want me to go . `` awesome . tonight then . we can go together-i 'll pick you guys up around ten , '' jackson says , before jumping on top of nate and trying to wrestle him under the water . i close my eyes as they disappear . for the first time in a while , i wish i had something cute to wear . chapter ten in the end , i have to go with the same black top i wore to that crew party . it 's really my only top suitable for a party , i think . besides , nate 's the only one who 's seen me in it , and i doubt he remembers . my mom excitedly waves goodbye as nate and i walk out to jackson 's green suv . she is so thrilled that i might have a social life that it 's embarrassing . jackson opens up the front passenger door for me and nate slides in back . `` we picking up dana ? '' jackson asks as we pull away . `` it 's natasha tonight . and she 's meeting us there , '' nate answers from the back seat . i guess i 'm relieved , because i do n't think i could look dana in the eye after seeing her and nate having sex by the pool . `` oh , fuck , natasha , of course , '' jackson says , laughing and hitting the steering wheel . i frown a little . i guess it 's par for the course for my stepbrother . jackson picks up most of the slack in the conversation , and the radio does the rest .

i 'm too nervous and stuck in my head , thinking of what i should say , while nate mumbles one word responses from the back . i 'm relieved when we find a parking space on the street near the party . as we walk toward the riotous townhouse , i 'm surprised the neighbors have n't already called the cops . people are spilling out the front door and i can hear the music halfway down the block . there 's a pretty olive-skinned girl standing on the curb who turns her head as nate calls out , `` natasha ! '' she smiles coyly as we walk up . nate dips her in a jokingly romantic manner and plants a kiss on her lips as she breaks out into giggles . `` come on , '' jackson says , draping an arm around my shoulders protectively and escorting me inside . he high-fives a few guys as we walk in , and he guides me to a keg in the middle of the living room , which is strung with little white christmas lights . there 's an impenetrable crowd around it but somehow he manages to snag me a beer , and before i know it i 'm taking my first sip of the summer . with his hand on the small of my back , we walk into the next room . the dining room table is being used for a beer pong game , and jackson and i take a seat on a couch nearby . `` you 're gorgeous , you know that ? '' jackson whispers in my ear . i 'm startled and almost spit out my beer . `` no ... '' i look down , blushing , `` i mean , that 's sweet of you to say . '' `` i 'd love to see you again after tonight . maybe we could get dinner next weekend , '' he offers . `` oh , sure , '' i reply , feeling flattered . i mean , it does feel a little ... rushed , or something , but i 've heard so many stories about guys just wanting to hook up , that it 's refreshing to be asked out on an old-fashioned date . i take a few more sips of my beer as i look around , feeling more comfortable now that i know jackson is really into me . `` hey , i 'm going to get another beer , '' i tell jackson , as i drain mine . he jumps up . `` do n't worry about it . i 'll grab 'em , '' he says , walking confidently into the other room . i watch the ping pong ball as it 's thrown back and forth across the table , and jackson is soon back with the beers . he launches into a story about this crazy party he went to back at school , but out of the corner of my eye i notice a couple walking up the stairs at the rear of the room , their hands all over each other , and feel a stab of envy in my chest . i am beyond tired of being a virgin . it 's certainly not on purpose that i 'm twenty-one and still have n't had sex yet . i guess i just assumed it would happen somehow , without my ever putting any thought into it , and i 've never built it up like it 's going to be some crazy special thing , either . i look at jackson out of the corner of my eye as i make quick work of my second beer . maybe nate was right-maybe i am too serious and distant . maybe it would be better if i just got it out of the way . and i bet jackson would be good at it . really , really good at it . plus , he 's a decent guy . `` ... do n't you think ? '' jackson asks me , leaning in . `` yes , right , '' i reply , even though i spaced out and have no idea what he was talking about . my hair falls in front of my face as i take another sip of beer , and jackson reaches up and tucks it behind my ear . we make eye contact and he leans forward slowly , brushing a soft kiss across my neck . `` want to get out of here ? '' he murmurs into my ear , sending a little shiver down my spine . `` my place is pretty close by , and we 'll actually be able to hear ourselves think . '' `` um , yeah , that sounds good , '' i reply , a little nervously . jackson stands and offers me his hand . i place mine in his and he leads me out toward the front . we pass nate on the way , with his arms wrapped around natasha and his hands tucked into her back pockets . `` hey man , we 're taking off . you think you can find another ride ? '' jackson asks . you 're both leaving ? '' nate asks , frowning . `` yup , we 're going back to my place , dude , '' jackson replies . `` you cool for a ride ? '' `` yeah , come here for a second , '' nate says , his eyes flicking back and forth between us .

he takes jackson 's arm and pulls him toward a screen door in the back . `` not you , '' he says to me , as i begin to follow . i bristle at his tone . they disappear out back and i look after them , my mouth open in shock and annoyance . i ca n't believe the way nate talks to me sometimes . so dismissively . i exchange a polite smile with natasha , who is now looking around the party aimlessly , clearly bored without nate . screw nate . i 'll do whatever the hell i please , and i want to know what he 's saying . i brush past natasha , push open the screen door and walk into the small , fenced-in backyard . there are fewer people out here , but there 's still a crowd . i can just see nate and jackson talking in a back corner . i weave my way through the people , keeping my head down so they do n't notice me . i take out my phone so i look like i 'm doing something other than eavesdropping , and sidle into the group nearest to them . i can just overhear what they 're saying . `` why , do you want her nate ? '' jackson asks angrily . my eyes widen . `` fuck no , she 's my stepsister . it 's just weird , that 's all . you two . she 's not your type . '' i feel a stab of pain at the finality of nate 's words . `` she 's gorgeous , '' i hear jackson reply . `` you think she 's gorgeous ? '' nate says , beginning to laugh . dude , come on . besides , she 's a fucking buzz kill . '' i do n't want to hear any more . i can already feel angry tears building up behind my eyes . i 'm so stupid . why do i keep giving nate the benefit of the doubt , when he is so clearly such an asshole ? i walk quickly back inside , through the living room , and out to the street . i turn toward the left , where i can see a busier street , and hustle toward it . i know it 's going to be a pricey cab ride back to the house , but i feel like i 'm about to explode into a puddle of tears . and i do n't want to give nate the satisfaction of seeing me cry . chapter eleven i breathe in as deeply as possible and hold it , counting to ten before exhaling as slowly as i can , trying to rid myself of the hurt feeling that followed me home from the party . it 's a trick i learned to control my anxiety , and to say that i 'm anxious right now would be an understatement . i ca n't remember the last time i heard someone talk about me like that , though i suppose it 's partially my fault for eavesdropping . i finally start to feel calm enough to go to sleep , and reach to turn off my bedside lamp . a rush of footsteps up the stairs makes me pause . i sit up a bit as they continue down the hallway toward my bedroom . a second later , my bedroom door bursts open and nate walks in , his face dark with anger . `` you 're in bed ? you 've got ta be fucking kidding me . that was really selfish of you to run off without telling anyone , you know that ? '' he spits at me , then turns around and walks out . i 'm frozen in shock for a moment . what the hell was that ? what does he have to be mad at me for ? i leap out from under my covers and march out of my bedroom just in time to stop him from shutting his door . he swings around as i charge into his room . `` i 'm selfish ? you are just ... you are just ... '' i stumble in my anger , trying to think of the right word . `` yeah , you 're selfish , brynn ! i looked around that party for you for thirty minutes ! i thought you might have been kidnapped ! i almost called the cops ! '' `` wait ... what ? '' i reply , completely thrown . `` ever heard of a text message ? '' he asks , his voice laden with sarcasm . `` yes , i 've heard of a text message ! '' man , i wish i were better at arguing . `` hey , wait a second , this is n't about me , this is about you ! you 're the asshole ! i heard what you were saying about me to jackson , i 'm not a buzzkill , and maybe i 'm not gorgeous , but i 'm not some kind of joke , either ! '' i fight back the tears welling in my eyes , more angry than i 've ever been in my life . there , that got him . he stands dumbfounded and i seize the opportunity to walk out . just as i 'm about to cross the threshold , he reaches around me and closes the door in front of me .

i stop short and turn around angrily , almost ready to smack him . he 's standing so close to me i 'm practically pinned against the door . `` wait , what ? how 'd you hear that ? you followed us outside ? '' `` yes , i followed you , '' i reply , stumbling a bit because i know i was wrong in that regard . `` i was mad because you were obviously trying to stop me from leaving with jackson , and i wanted to know why . '' i take a deep breath . `` i guess i ca n't control what you think about me , and that 's ... whatever , that 's fine , but i do n't know why you had to go sharing your opinion with jackson . i mean , am i really that unattractive to you ? '' to my horror , my lower lip starts to tremble . i do n't want to cry right now but i ca n't hold back the tears any longer . `` no ... shit , that 's not what ... '' nate says , his eyes widen as a tear slips down my cheek . i furiously brush it away and nate backs up , running his hands through his wavy hair . `` it 's not that i do n't want jackson to date you , it 's that i do n't want you to date jackson . '' that does n't make any sense , '' i reply , trying to staunch the flow of tears as i tug at my hair . `` jackson 's track record with women is pretty bad . they 're just conquests to him . '' i cross my arms and frown at him . `` that sounds pretty hypocritical . i mean , the first time we met , you asked me to have a threesome with you and you did n't even know my name . '' a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth . `` ok , that 's fair . for the record , you just looked so shocked , and innocent-i could n't resist . you 're right , it 's not like i have a great track record either . i guess the difference , in my mind , is that i 'm upfront about it . i 've never promised a woman a relationship . the girls i sleep with , they know that it 's not going anywhere because i tell them that . jackson pulls them in by promising them a future with him , and then as soon as he sleeps with them , he acts like they do n't exist . '' `` but you 're friends with him ... '' i point out . `` well , he 's a good friend . loyal , funny ... '' `` but he sounds like a bad person . i just ... i do n't know why you 'd want to be friends with a person like that . sorry , maybe i 'm just ... '' i shake my head , trying to process this new version of events . `` he did ... what you just said about him does match up with some things he was saying to me . god , i ca n't believe i fell for it . '' `` he was n't always like that , '' nate says quietly , gesturing vaguely to a framed photo sitting on his desk . i glance at it , then walk over to get a closer look . `` oh my god , is that you ? '' i ask , picking it up . it 's a class photo from elementary school , three rows of smiling kids with their teacher standing next to them . nate is easy to spot . `` you look so serious , like you 're on the way to the office or something . '' nate peers over my shoulder at it , his face an exact reflection of his younger self . `` that was the year my mom left , '' he says quietly . oh , i 'm sorry . do you ever see her ? '' `` no . she made her choice . '' he pauses for a moment . `` that one 's jackson , '' he says , pointing out a grinning towheaded boy . i snort . he had a flirtatious smile even back then . `` i 'm sorry you heard me say those things . jackson 's the kind of guy who , if you tell him something 's off limits , that makes him want it even more . he 's never been denied anything . so i thought it would be better to convince him that he did n't want you in the first place . '' i fiddle with the edge of the frame and then turn to face him . he 's standing closer than i thought he was . `` so ... you do n't think those things about me ? '' i whisper , feeling suddenly vulnerable . `` no , the exact opposite , really , '' he replies , equally softly . `` brynn you are gorgeous . '' there 's a charged moment between us . i ca n't rip my gaze away from his eyes . i realize he 's moving forward ever so slowly , and my lips automatically part , my body taking over from my brain .

every inch of my skin tingles , and i suddenly feel brave-a completely different reaction than anything i 've ever felt being this close to jackson . just before his mouth touches mine , i close my eyes . as our lips come together , an exquisite feeling rushes through me , unlike anything i 've ever felt before . his lips graze mine , then return a bit more firmly , guiding me into a kiss . i 've been kissed by a handful of guys over the years , but this kiss is something else . nate is something else . his hands wrap around my waist and slide to the small of my back as his lips crush against mine . all my thoughts evaporate , all my worries and insecurities-maybe it 's that i can tell he knows exactly what he 's doing , and so i can let myself go , trust myself in his hands . he nudges me slightly with his nose and his lower lip brushes against mine . i almost gasp as i feel his tongue move smoothly into my mouth . electricity flies straight from my mouth to the base of my hips . i press my tongue against his as my hands move of their own accord up to his chest . i lay my palms against his pecs and feel his racing heartbeat under his rapidly rising and falling chest . it 's my first hint that there 's something else hiding under his completely confident exterior . his tongue moves deeper into my mouth , and his hands pull me close against his body . i wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers through the hair falling onto the collar of his polo . i can feel his erection pushing against my stomach as he slides one hand over my ass . i want nothing more than to rip my clothes off , jump on his bed , and be ravaged by him ... to feel his mouth all over my body ... inside me ... suddenly he pulls away . i almost fall forward in surprise as my eyes blink open . `` i should n't have done that , '' he mutters . `` why ? '' i whisper , falling quickly from my cloud . `` it 's wrong ... you 're my stepsister . maybe it 's best if we just keep our distance from each other . '' `` yeah , you 're right ... '' i reply , feeling like he 's just slapped me in the face . i walk quickly to the door . i pause before i open it , wishing i could put into words what i 'm feeling , but i ca n't . i open the door and close it softly behind me before rushing to my room . as i curl up under the covers , i try to wrap my mind around all the twists this night has taken . i ca n't believe nate and i just kissed . i mean , i 've been dreaming about that moment since i first laid eyes on him freshman year . i 've found that most things in life do n't live up to how i 've built them up in my head , but that kiss far surpassed any fantasy . i can feel my body reacting at just the thought of his lips touching mine again . but is he right ? was it wrong of us to do that ? light is creeping around the sides of my shades by the time i manage to fall asleep , and i still have n't managed to find an answer . chapter twelve nate and i pass the next few weeks as though we 're each surrounded by an invisible force field . whenever one of us enters a room , the other is propelled out of it . we 're only pushed into close proximity with each other when we have a family dinner , though my mom has been pushing those on us quite frequently in an effort to bond . if she only knew . today , though , nate 's and my presence is required at the same event : the thornhill 's annual fourth of july party . it 's in our very own backyard , starting in the afternoon with a crab boil and extending through the evening fireworks . apparently we 'll get a good view of the country club 's annual fireworks display just down the river . my mom has absolutely insisted on buying me a new dress for the occasion , and even came into the fitting room with me to make sure it fit correctly . the shift dress is not exactly my style , but i 've seen it on plenty of girls at school . i 'm just worried about spilling tartar sauce on the bright white fabric . i pull on my new pair of gold wedges , and walk downstairs to see if my mom needs any help . i 'm taken aback by the flurry of activity downstairs . as i walk outside , i realize i 've underestimated the scale of this party . when i heard `` crab boil , '' i was picturing a few picnic tables with red and white tablecloths , but this is clearly a classy affair . there are elegant round tables set , with flowing linens and extravagant centerpieces on top of them . the food is presented in silver trays , and garlands festoon the perimeter . i spot my mom talking in hushed , urgent tones to one of the caterers , and head over . `` oh , brynn , you look beautiful !

that dress fits you so well , '' she gushes . `` thanks ... do you need any help ? '' `` mmm , no . i think we 're ok . the guests should begin arriving in about ten minutes . oh , go taste the freedom martini over at the bar and tell me what you think . i 'm worried it 's a little too sweet . '' `` the freedom martini ? '' `` the signature cocktail we created for this event , '' the caterer next to her chimes in with a chipper grin . `` ah , of course , '' i reply , heading for the bar . the bartender serves me a pale pink drink and i take a sip . not too sweet-it 's delicious , light and refreshing . luckily the day is n't too hot , anyway . the temperature has managed to stay below ninety degrees for the party . i decide to go down to the river since i 'd just feel in the way while they 're setting up . i walk down to the lower lawn and down the steps . as i reach the shore , i navigate the rocky sand cautiously in my heels . a splash on the other side of the large boulder grabs my attention . i walk toward it and peer around . nate 's standing there , skipping rocks with a smooth sidearm motion . i pause , admiring his form , then decide it 's best to just go back up to the lawn before he notices me . he 's made it clear he does n't want to talk to me . i turn back and as i walk my heel catches on a rock . i gasp as i slip sideways , and feel two strong hands catching me under my arms to hold me up . `` whoa , careful , '' he says as he straightens me up . `` thanks , '' i reply as i turn to him and tuck my hair back behind my ears . `` you escaping from the commotion , too ? '' i do n't really enjoy these things . '' you 're so ... '' i trail off . he asks with a grin . i groan . i was going to say 'charming , ' ok ? '' `` i knew it , '' he replies jokingly . `` well , whatever charm you might be noticing has been developed over many years of practice . my dad has been dragging me to these kinds of events for years . i know the routine . smile , shake hands , tell the kinds of jokes that do n't make anyone think too hard . '' `` sounds ... horrible . but at least there 's a lot of free food . '' he gives me a bemused glance . sometimes i forget i do n't have to worry about that stuff anymore . '' `` you were , um , not well-off before our parents- '' he drops his gaze . `` i 'd say we were struggling . but it was just the way i grew up . i never wanted for anything big , though we certainly frequented the goodwill racks often enough . but i do n't want you to think ... i mean , my mom , she really cares for pierce . '' `` relax-i do n't think your mom 's a gold digger . there have always been some of those around , and i can practically smell them at this point . i mean , maybe at first i was worried , but i 'm not now . '' `` was your mom- '' i begin , feeling brave . `` i do n't like to talk about her , '' he cuts me off , and chucks another rock out onto the water . it hits the surface with a plopping sound and sinks . `` sorry , '' i whisper . `` how 's your shoulder ? '' `` hurts , '' he replies shortly . `` i 'll see you up there , '' i say after a moment , since he 's clearly done with the conversation . `` hey , '' he calls after me as i climb the steps . `` jackson and his parents are here . they 're family friends . they 're on the guest list every year . '' `` got it , thanks , '' i reply , before mounting the rest of the steps . that was considerate of him , and it sounds like he was telling me that he did n't invite jackson himself . as i walk across the lawn , i can see that the first guests are beginning to arrive . i wonder if now that i 'm pierce 's stepdaughter , i 'm going be expected to put on the same song-and-dance routine as nate . usually if i have to go to a party , like my aunt 's christmas party , i 'll hang out for a while , and then disappear somewhere to read a book . my fears are realized as my mom waves me over to where she and pierce are standing with two guests .

i 'm introduced to the couple , who turn out to be higher-ups for the state department , and my accomplishments are trotted out while they murmur enthusiastically , though i have to wonder if anyone could possibly be genuinely interested in such self-serving prattle . as we talk , my mom breaks away to greet the guests that are now pouring in . i listen politely as pierce chats away , impressed with his wit and charm . clearly nate gets it from his dad , even if he does insist that it 's a learned skill . i manage to slip away and head over to the buffet table . like any good maryland girl , i absolutely love crabs . as i pile my plate high , i feel a hand on the small of my back . i turn to see jackson grinning at me . with his open , friendly face , it 's hard to keep in mind what nate told me about him , and what i experienced for myself . `` hey , brynn ! '' he says , brushing a kiss against my cheek . `` jackson , good to see you , '' i reply politely . `` you disappeared so fast the last time i saw you ! i was worried , '' he replies . `` sorry about that , '' i respond , wondering if nate gave him any explanation . `` we ever going to go on that date ? '' i 'm saved by the sight of allison walking out onto the deck . `` could you excuse me for a moment ? my best friend just got here and she does n't know anyone else , '' i explain as i slip away . i wave at her as i approach , but she 's looking around nervously and does n't register my presence . `` allison ! '' i call out , just ten feet from her . oh my gosh , i did n't recognize you , '' she says . i give her a hug as i walk up . `` this party is really fancy ! and this house ! i mean you said it was big , but i did n't think it was this big . '' `` i know , '' i groan . `` i 'll give you a tour later if you have a couple hours , '' i add wryly . `` come get something to eat with me-i was just filling up a plate . i 'm so glad you 're here . i do n't really know anyone else , and none of the interns have shown up yet . '' `` the interns ? '' allison asks as we head back over to the buffet , where i pick up my abandoned plate . `` yeah , pierce invited all the interns from the office . '' `` oh , that was nice of him , '' allison comments , picking up her own plate . `` wow , i think that guy 's a senator ... the one in the blue seersucker jacket . '' i glance over . `` from georgia , yeah , '' i confirm . `` i think he and pierce served in congress at the same time . '' i start giggling and allison looks at me with a questioning smile . `` sorry , i just ca n't believe i 'm talking about my stepfather serving in congress . '' `` this is your real life ! '' allison says , laughing . `` when do you think it 'll sink in ? '' `` no idea , '' i reply as we head toward a couple empty seats at one of the tables . `` your mom looks really happy , '' allison observes as we sit . i watch her for a moment , flitting between conversations , so beautiful and animated . `` i think she is . and she 's just really good at cocktail-type conversation , too . like nate , though he says it does n't come to him naturally . '' `` brynn ... '' allison says , raising an eyebrow at me . `` no , i mean , i 'm just , you know ... '' i reply , trailing off . definitely not the time to tell allison that nate and i kissed , though i do n't know if that time will ever come . i love allison , but thinking in shades of grey is not her strong suit . `` thought you two could use some drinks . '' i look up to see greg , the cute intern with the strawberry-blonde hair , standing next to us , three martini glasses carefully balanced between his long fingers . `` greg , hi ! i 'm so glad you could make it . '' i indicate the chair next to us and help him place down the glasses so that they do n't spill their contents . `` greg , this is my friend allison . we go to college together . '' `` nice to meet you , '' allison says . `` you too . hope these drinks are ok with you . i forget what the bartender called them ... '' `` freedom martinis , '' i answer , rolling my eyes . `` the name sucks , but they 're really good . '' `` so where are you from originally , greg ? '' allison asks . `` raleigh , though i hope to move to dc after i graduate . '' i tune out slightly as allison and greg talk across me . i 've just seen nate cross between groups of people , seeming to make conversation effortlessly .

i look around to see if there 's a girl trailing him , but i do n't see one . this might be the first time i 've seen him without a date at any kind of gathering . the idea that it could be because of me comes to my mind , but i quickly quash it . i ca n't let myself think like that . nate does n't want that kind of relationship with me , probably even if i were n't his stepsister . i bet his date just got a cold last-minute or something . `` be right back , '' allison says . `` i have to get a second helping ! '' my attention snaps back to greg as she stands and leaves . he scratches his cheek and clears his throat . i smile as a blush sneaks onto his freckle-dotted skin . `` you look ... um , that 's a nice dress , '' he finally says . i smile , careful not to linger on the subject , `` so , you think you 'll want to work in politics after school ends ? '' `` well , in government , '' he says with a smile . `` though i 'm learning that one does n't seem to exist without the other . i guess i need to work on the whole ... you know ... '' he waves his hand vaguely . `` kissing babies thing ? '' `` exactly , '' he smiles . `` so , ah , i was wondering ... '' my attention drifts from him again as i see my mom and pierce talking urgently by the house . my mom covers her face with her hands and pierce turns back to the party , his frown turning into a smile as if by magic . `` i 'm so sorry , greg , could you excuse me ? i think my mom might need me . '' `` oh , sure , '' he replies kindly as i rush toward the door into the study . my mind runs through the possible scenarios as i hurry through the study and up the stairs . as i climb the second set of stairs up to the master suite on the third floor , i decide it must be my father . the last time i saw my mom look that upset , it was because my dad was back in town and pressuring her for money . i knock softly on the closed double door of their bedroom . i whisper quietly as i let myself in . i gasp as i hurry in . she 's curled up on top of the bedspread , like a broken doll . `` it 's pierce , '' she murmurs without moving . `` his lawyer just called him . a woman has come forward accusing him of sexual harassment . it 'll be on the news tomorrow . '' chapter thirteen `` oh no , '' i whisper , sitting next to her on the bed . `` i 'm so sorry , mom . '' `` is it ... is it me ? '' she asks , turning her head as a tear drops down her cheek . what do you mean ? '' `` maybe it 's me ... maybe it 's my fault . it 's like i 'm a curse . '' `` no , mom , no , '' i whisper , leaning down and pulling her hair out of her eyes . `` this is n't happening because of you . i mean , when did this even go on ? the , you know , the ... '' i reply , unable to repeat those two ugly words : sexual harassment . `` several years ago , '' she replies . `` long before he ever met you , '' i point out . `` so , what ? this woman 's going on tv ? '' my mom nods . `` one of those investigation shows is doing a piece about sexual harassment in politics , and she 's going to be interviewed . '' `` what are you going to do ? '' `` well , we 'll have to batten down the hatches . we 'll probably have to stay in the house for a few days , though luckily tomorrow 's saturday anyway . '' `` no , that 's not what i meant . i mean , if pierce sexually harassed a- '' `` i do n't want to think about it . '' `` mom , you have to , '' i sigh . she 's always been like the child in our relationship . i 'm tired of the dynamic , but i do n't know how to break the pattern without our entire relationship falling apart . `` if pierce did that , then maybe you have to- '' `` do n't say it . pierce and i are staying together . that 's not a question . and even if he did do it , i 'm sure it was a momentary weakness . it was just something that happened a long time ago , and he 's changed . '' i shrug , feeling helpless . `` i want that to be true , mom , i really do . not for his sake , but for yours . i did hear a rumor at work , though , '' i say hesitatingly . what kind of rumor ? '' `` that ... pierce has a certain reputation . ''

i want to tell her that it 's because she 's so fragile , but instead i just reply , `` because it was just a rumor that i heard from one person . i had no way of knowing if it were true . '' `` well , until there 's some evidence or something , i 'm going to believe pierce . he said she was a woman at work who was denied a promotion she wanted , and now she 's starting a jewelry line , and thought she might as well put her bitterness to good use and drum up some publicity . '' `` i guess that could be it , '' i say without conviction . `` i think i just want to be alone for a while . do you think you could go back to the party , and sort of act like the hostess for me ? you know , make sure everyone 's having a good time and all that ? just say i have a headache if anyone asks after me . '' `` um , alright , '' i reply , not knowing what else to say . `` thanks , honey , '' my mom says , settling back onto the pillow . i stand and head for the door . `` i just ca n't believe it , '' i hear her murmur as i close the bedroom door behind me . i wish i did n't believe it either , but there 's a telltale knot in the pit of my stomach that 's telling me i do . i head back down to the party , taking the stairs slowly . i 'd rather be doing pretty much anything else right now than plastering a smile on my face and pretending everything 's fine . but i know my mom 's right-it will look odd if both of us disappear during the party . i reemerge out back and take a deep breath as i cross back over to greg and allison . `` sorry about that . my mom has a headache , i just wanted to check on her , '' i relay dutifully . greg and allison murmur sympathetically . i finish the rest of my food quickly , and with only one ear on their conversation , before standing up with my drink . i excuse myself and begin to mingle , trying to circulate and play the part of the hostess like my mom asked . i watch the fading light impatiently ; willing the sun to set as fast as possible so that this party can finally be over . the chipper event organizer i met earlier appears quietly at my side as i force a laugh at a partygoer 's joke . `` have you seen mrs . thornhill ? '' it still throws me to hear my mom referred to like that . `` she 's not feeling well . can i help you with something ? '' `` would you like the lanterns to be lit now , or should we wait ? '' i glance around at the dimming light . `` now would be fine , thanks . '' she hurries away and i spot nate across the party , frowning at me . i avert my gaze quickly . if his dad has n't told him what 's going on yet , i do n't want the task to fall on me . i see him making his way over , and excuse myself from my current conversation to disappear into a large group of people around the pool . just another hour or so and the fireworks will be done , and everyone will leave . the caterers move throughout the party , lighting candles on the tables and mini chinese lanterns strung in the trees . i take a moment to admire the scene : the beautiful white lights , the well-heeled crowd , the murmur of easy conversation . my mom does know how to throw a good party . i grab another drink as the twilight turns into night and people begin heading down to the lower lawn to get a better view of the fireworks . with a sudden boom , the display begins . there are a few exclamations of excitement and some clapping as the crowd gathers to stare downriver at the explosions of color . i 'm making my way toward the rear of the crowd when i feel a hand on the small of my back . i know before i even turn around that it 's nate . `` what 's going on ? '' he asks quietly , as i turn to face him . `` it 's nothing . my mom just is n't feeling well , '' i reply . `` you 're pulling at your hair , '' he points out , and i drop my hand , feeling caught . the crowd cheers as an especially colorful firework goes off above us . `` so ? '' `` i can read you like a book , brynn , '' he replies , leaning in . i can feel his breath on my cheek and step back , feeling flustered . `` i just think it 's something that your dad should tell you , '' i say , and turn back to the fireworks , but i feel his hand on my elbow . `` would you just tell me ? you and my dad are both acting strangely , and now your mom disappears ... i just want to know . '' `` and here i thought i was covering well , '' i say , stalling for time .

`` maybe to other people , but not to me . '' i stare at him for a moment as his features are illuminated by the light of one of my favorite , willow-shaped fireworks . `` there 's a woman ... she 's going to go on the news tomorrow and say that your dad sexually harassed her . '' `` that 's crazy , '' he hisses at me . `` i 'm just the messenger-you insisted i tell you- '' i stammer , taken aback by his tone . `` my dad , he 's a great man . he 's a pillar of the community- '' `` a pillar of the community ? '' he is ! '' `` it 's just , sometimes the way you talk about him ... he 's not perfect , nate . '' `` you do n't know anything about him . when my mom abandoned us , he took care of me all by himself . he 's always been there for me . '' `` ok , i 'm just- '' but nate storms off back to the house . i stand in shock for a moment . i knew that conversation was n't going to be fun , but i did n't think he 'd turn on me like that , as though i were attacking pierce , or something . i turn back toward the crowd just as the finale begins and the sky lights up . i glance at the people around me , their faces upturned , their expressions joyous . maybe it was silly of me to look forward to everyone leaving . because now i realize that tomorrow , it will be back to the four of us alone in the house-and no buffer zone . my eyes fall on pierce and i realize he 's staring at me . he smiles quickly when he realizes that i 'm looking at him , and leads the applause as the last firework dies out . chapter fourteen i was half-worried that the plan was for all four of us to watch the tv program together , but thankfully there 's no such expectation . or at least , i have n't been told of it . it 's the first time in a while my mom has n't insisted on a family dinner . she 's been holed up in her room most of the day , while pierce fields calls from his attorneys in his study . i decide to grab some leftover pasta from the fridge to eat in my room , and peer into nate 's room as i pass . no sign of him . i shut my door behind me and open my computer to check out some of the coverage online . i feel nauseous as i read the woman 's claims , though slightly relieved that she is n't accusing pierce of any kind of violence . she talks mostly about lingering touches , shoulder massages , and being stonewalled by management when she complained . i finish eating and click around the internet for a while , feeling restless . when i ca n't stand my boredom any longer , i take my plate and walk back down to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher . the phone on the counter rings as i 'm headed past it . i pause for a moment , waiting to see if someone else is going to answer it . what if it 's a reporter ? do i just say 'no comment , ' like they do on tv ? on the third ring , i decide to bite the bullet . `` hello ? '' `` hi , is nate there ? '' a female voice asks breathlessly . ah , another admirer . `` sorry , i do n't think he is , '' i reply honestly . `` can i take a message ? '' there 's a slight pause . `` is this holly ? '' `` no , this is her daughter , brynn . may i ask who 's calling ? '' there 's another long pause , and i begin to feel uneasy . `` it 's eileen ... nate 's mom . '' i almost drop the phone in surprise . `` oh , um , i don't- '' `` wait ! please , please do n't hang up . i just saw the news , and thought that nate might be willing to talk to me now . '' `` i do n't understand . '' `` because he 'll know the truth about pierce , and then maybe he wo n't believe whatever he says about me . '' `` i 'm sorry , i do n't think i should be in the middle of this . '' whatever it is . `` please , please ... '' i hear her gasp and the clear sound of crying . `` i have n't talked to nate in so long ... he 's my son , he 's my son . '' `` but you chose to leave him ... '' `` is that what pierce told you ? '' `` no , nate . '' `` he heard it from pierce . i left pierce because he was cheating on me . but pierce is used to having everything his own way , and he was furious .

he was the one with the money , i came into the marriage with nothing , and signed a pre-nup . i mean , i barely even looked at the thing at the time-i thought we 'd be together forever . he had an expensive lawyer and managed to get full custody in the divorce . i never had a chance . i 've been trying to get in touch with nate for years to tell him the truth ... i left pierce , not nate . i would never leave my son . i never would have divorced pierce , even though he was cheating on me , if i had known i 'd never see my son again . i thought after seeing this woman on tv , maybe he 'd believe me ... '' she dissolves into sobs . `` eileen , eileen , it 's ok , '' i whisper , feeling sick . something about what she 's telling me rings true . i can feel it in my gut . `` i want to help you , but ... nate , he 's really touchy about his father . i do n't know what i can do . '' `` i know , and i 'm sorry to put this on you . i call the house now and then trying to get nate , and i was just hoping that he would pick up tonight and not hang up on me . '' a sound behind me makes me fly around . pierce is standing in the doorway to the dining room . `` everything ok ? '' `` yep , everything 's fine , pierce , '' i reply so that eileen can hear me . `` just take down my number , alright ? '' eileen says quietly . `` please , just tell him what i said . '' i write the number down on a small notepad on the counter , conscious that pierce is watching me . `` got it , thanks . talk to you later , '' i say , and hang up . `` not a reporter , i hope , '' pierce says with a sad smile . `` no , just a friend , '' i reply as nonchalantly as possible , and rip the paper off the pad and stuff it in my pocket . `` god , this has been the longest day of my life , '' he says with a sigh , running his fingers through his hair . `` i hope you and your mom do n't get dragged into anything . there might be some reporters hanging out by the gate tomorrow . probably best to just avoid them . '' `` sure , no problem . '' he looks so tired , and i find myself quickly feeling sorry for him . he seems so genuine right now that it 's hard to believe what eileen and this other woman are saying about him . the man in front of me paints such a different picture . `` on the other hand , though , i 'm glad that you and your mom are here right now . maybe it 's selfish of me . but i do n't think i 'd make it through all this without her . she 's really brought light back into my life . '' `` she 's ... yeah , she 's great , '' i reply awkwardly . `` are you having a good time at the internship ? not too much busy work , i hope . '' `` no , not at all , pierce . it 's wonderful , thank you . '' he nods . `` well , i better get back to work . you 'd think i 'd have gotten a lot done , considering how long i 've been in there , but i 've just been staring at the wall . '' `` oh , well , i 'll see you tomorrow then . '' `` 'night . '' `` goodnight . '' i walk back upstairs with the phone number burning a hole in my pocket . it 's amazing to me that i 've gone from being almost sure that pierce is lying , to feeling like i 've betrayed his trust in the span of one short conversation with him . is he telling the truth , or does he just possess a consummate politician 's ability to spin the story for himself ? i get ready for bed slowly , my mind wandering uncontrollably . before this summer , i felt sure of things in my life . sure of my ideas and opinions . sure that i was right . but i feel less and less sure of myself the longer i stay in this house . just as i finish brushing my teeth , i hear a thud from the hallway , then a groan . that sounded like nate . with a frown , i open my bedroom door . sure enough , there 's nate , lying on the carpet just outside his own room . i hesitate , realizing i 'm wearing my little nightgown , but figure he 's seen me in it already . `` nate ? are you ok ? what happened ? '' i murmur , hurrying to kneel next to him . the whiff of alcohol coming off of him gives it away before he says anything . `` i 'm so drunk , brynn , '' he says , beginning to laugh . `` shhh , you 'll wake up our parents , '' i admonish him .

`` why are you on the floor ? '' `` tripped . on my own foot , '' he replies with a sigh . `` well , come on , get up , '' i order him , sliding a hand under his torso to pull him upward . he slowly obeys and stands on his feet , where he sways dangerously . `` ok , now in here , '' i continue , pushing his bedroom door open with my foot as i slide an arm around his back to stabilize him . i feel his muscles clench under his t-shirt as we walk . not the time , brynn . `` shoes off , '' i order him as we reach the bed . `` mmm , '' he grunts , as he kicks them off . `` i 'm getting you some water . do n't move . '' i hurry back to my bedroom and grab my water glass from the bedside table , then refill it from the tap in my bathroom before heading back to his room . i shut the door behind me to keep the noise from filtering around the house , then stop in surprise as i see that nate has stripped down to his boxers and is standing at the foot of his bed . `` thanks , '' he slurs , as i hesitantly walk forward and hand him the water . i watch him gulp the whole glass down , the grey moonlight from the window illuminating his ripped torso . he puts the glass down on his desk and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he sways slightly . `` you alright ? '' i ask worriedly . `` i 've never seen you drunk before . '' `` do n't really drink . no time . work , practice , work , game . '' `` and i thought i was the nerd , '' i tease him . `` you 're funny , '' he says , cocking his head slightly , then takes a step toward me . `` nate ... '' i say as my core clenches . `` yes , brynn ? '' he asks innocently . `` you said this was wrong . those were your words , '' i remind him . `` do you think it 's wrong ? '' he takes another step toward me , and looks down at me . `` i- '' his hand reaches around my waist . `` does it feel wrong ? '' `` yes ... no , '' i breathe . i barely have time to inhale before his mouth is on mine . his mouth tastes like whiskey , but i do n't care . i wrap my hands around his neck and he grabs my ass with both hands , our kiss picking up right where our last one broke off . i dig my fingers into his hair as our mouths open to one another . he pulls me roughly against him and groans deep in his throat as our bodies collide . suddenly he stumbles back , steadying himself on my shoulders . `` sorry , '' he whispers , shaking his head as though to clear it . `` will you just stay with me for a while ? '' `` yes , of course , '' i reply immediately , even though i 'm taken aback by his request . i watch him turn to his bed and crawl over to his pillow , then curl up on his side and look at me expectantly . i pause , then follow him , crawling across the bedspread and curling around his back . i bury my head between his shoulder blades then drape my arm over his waist , and feel him take my hand in his and pull me closer against him . i lie as still as i can , barely breathing . i ca n't believe he 's letting me touch him like this . well , he is wasted , but still . i never thought he 'd be so vulnerable around me . i hear his breathing deepen . `` i 've always looked up to him , '' he murmurs , startling me . `` i know , '' i whisper back , knowing that he 's talking about his dad . `` i do n't know what i would do if he- '' `` i know , '' i murmur , softly kissing the back of his neck . he stills on his pillow , and his breathing slows down again . i stay with him for a while , until i know he 's asleep . i need to understand nate 's feelings about his mother before i tell him what she told me . his world is already falling apart around him , and i do n't want to make it happen faster . i sigh . i should probably go back to my room . i turn over with a sigh and frown . my sheets feel different , and the light coming in from the window is much too bright . i blink my eyes open and then sit up with a gasp . i 'm in nate 's room . `` it 's ok. '' i glance up to see nate sitting at his desk with a glass of water , his tousled hair sticking out at odd angles . `` they left early this morning for meetings . your door is closed , so they thought you were still asleep in there . '' `` oh , good , '' i reply .

i realize my nightgown is riding dangerously high on my thigh and pull up the sheet self-consciously . `` coffee , '' nate says , pointing to the bedside table next to me . i glance over and see he 's placed a steaming cup there . `` cream and one sugar , right ? '' `` yeah , thanks , '' i reply , reaching for it . `` sorry about last night . i do n't remember anything after i got home . '' i smile even though i 'm disappointed that he does n't remember the kiss . `` you were drunk , and just asked me to stay here for a bit . i glance at the clock . `` shit , it 's almost eleven ? i never sleep that late . '' `` i did n't get up 'til nine-that 's late for me . '' my mind quickly returns to my concerns from last night . `` i-i know you do n't like to talk about this , but your mom- '' `` what about her ? '' he says , already sounding defensive . i need to tread carefully . `` i know that it 's painful to talk about , i just wanted to know : why did she leave ? '' nate crosses his arms over his chest . `` eileen left because she could n't handle being a mother . '' how so ? '' `` i was out of control when i was a kid , and she could n't handle it . could n't handle me . '' `` that 's what your dad told you . '' `` that 's what happened , '' nate replies , frowning at me . `` i still remember the night she left . they went out for dinner , and i stayed home with a babysitter . one of many , because i kept driving them away , and i misbehaved again . i threw a tantrum , broke a glass ... i 'm pretty sure the babysitter quit as soon as my parents got home . anyway , they got in this big fight-i could hear it even in my bedroom-and the next day she left . '' `` and you 've never seen her again ? '' `` in court a couple times . but after that , she was n't really interested in seeing me . she tries to call here sometimes , maybe she feels guilty . she always tries to blame my dad for what went down , '' he adds bitterly . `` did you think that if ... if you had been better , she would n't have left ? '' he shrugs . `` does n't matter now . why are you asking about this stuff ? did i talk about it when i was drunk or something ? '' `` no , no . '' i put my coffee down on the nightstand . `` she called here last night . '' `` eileen ? you talked to her ? '' `` well , yeah , she was really upset . '' `` fuck , brynn , '' he swears , standing up . `` why would you do that ? this has nothing to do with you . '' `` i was just trying to help ... '' `` i do n't need your help , '' he spits at me . `` would you just listen for a second ? ! she called because she thought you might be willing to listen to her after what the woman said on the tv show- '' `` what are you talking about ? '' he growls . `` she said your dad was cheating on her , that 's why she left . nothing to do with you . '' `` get out , '' he says , raising his voice and pointing to the door . `` nate , my dad left , too , ok ? i know what it 's like . but she sounded so lost , she 's desperate to talk to you . i 'd kill for my dad to sound like that about me . '' `` oh , so that 's what this is about , your daddy issues . '' that 's not what i meant , '' i plead , his words stinging to my core . `` look , i 'm sorry that your dad is n't around , but your whole situation has nothing to do with mine ! '' `` fine ! '' i shout , feeling hurt . i push off the sheets and stand up . `` i promised her i 'd tell you , so i did . i 'll never try to help you again . '' `` that 's all i ask ! '' he calls after me as i stomp out of his room . i slam my bedroom door behind me , my fists balled in anger . i walk straight to my bed and grab my pillow and swing it down as hard as i can onto the mattress . i . ca n't . believe . ever . had . feelings . for . that . asshole . i think as i bring the pillow down again and again until i 'm out of breath . it 's officially time for me to move on . chapter fifteen `` you look nice , '' my mom says as i enter the kitchen , giving me a wink . `` mom ... '' i reply , rolling my eyes . `` well , you do ! where are you two going tonight ? ''

`` la mirabelle . '' `` french-how romantic ! '' `` it 's just a first date , ok ? do n't get too excited . '' i turn as nate and pierce enter from the dining room . `` i just have a good feeling about this one , that 's all . '' she continues , pouring me a glass of water , `` and he 's picking you up , right ? '' `` oh , do you have a date tonight , brynn ? '' pierce asks , wiggling his eyebrows at my mother . `` yes , '' i groan , not wanting to make a big deal out of it . `` greg ! the intern from your office , '' my mom tells him . `` well , well . you know , i remember seeing you two huddled together in the copy room last week , and thinking to myself , 'those two would make a fine couple . ' '' i blush as my mom smiles enthusiastically . it 's amazing how quickly things have gotten back to normal after that woman went on tv . for about a week , a handful of photographers waited around outside the gate , but they eventually left when the buzz died down . pierce told us he has investigators working to discredit the woman 's claims , and that everything will be back to normal . as for nate and me ... `` so it 'll just be the three of us for dinner then , '' my mom chirps . `` two , actually . i 'm going out tonight , as well , '' nate replies casually . i manage to resist the urge to look at him . `` nate , you should 've let holly know about your plans . how many times have i had this conversation with you ? responsibility , responsibility , responsibility , '' pierce says as he crosses to the fridge . i glance at my mom , but she 's looking down at her chopping board . `` sorry , holly , '' nate says dutifully . `` it 's alright , really , '' my mom says quietly . thankfully , the doorbell rings and i can excuse myself . angry as i am at nate , i still do n't like to hear his dad speak to him in such a condescending way . i walk down the hallway to the foyer , and hear my mom and pierce following me . i wince . i was hoping i 'd get out the door without them all meeting-wishful thinking , clearly . i smile at greg as i open the door . he 's wearing a navy blazer and khakis , and looks a little nervous . `` hey , greg , '' i greet him . it 's so nice to meet you , '' my mom says from behind me , forcing me to open the door all the way . `` good to see you , '' pierce says , shaking his hand . `` mr. thornhill , '' greg replies formally . i see nate appear in the entrance to the living room , leaning casually on the doorjamb but saying nothing . he smiles at me as i catch his eye . i frown at him and look away . `` have her home by ten , '' pierce instructs greg . `` yes , sir , '' greg replies . pierce slaps him on the back just as i 'm about to protest . `` do n't worry , greg , i 'm just giving you a hard time . '' `` oh , you had me for a second there , '' greg says , exhaling in relief . `` well , we should get going , '' i cut in so that pierce does n't have the chance to make any more hilarious jokes . `` see you later ! '' i call , pulling the door closed behind me . i just catch nate 's smirking expression before i shut the door . greg asks as we walk to his car . i force a smile and nod my head . `` yes , sorry ! my mind wandered for a second . so , have you ever been to this restaurant before ? '' greg chose a very nice french restaurant for our date , it 's a cozy , softly lit place set in the hills of potomac . the wait staff is clearly passionate about their food , and delighted to have a young couple on a date that they can fawn over . `` so , how is it working for your stepdad ? '' greg asks with a grin . `` you know , it 's not that bad . i hardly ever think twice about it , really . he 's all the way at the top of the company , and i 'm all the way at the bottom , so we rarely interact on a day-to-day basis . '' `` speaking of being at the bottom , roderick called me steven yesterday , '' greg says , referencing pierce 's business partner . is there even a steven working there ? '' `` nope ! that 's the worst part . who knows who he was thinking of ... '' he shakes his head remorsefully .

`` how come pierce 's son is n't working at thornhill and co. ? did n't want to work with his dad ? '' `` um , the opposite , actually . pierce is pretty hard on nate ... i feel kind of guilty about the whole thing because i think nate wanted the internship , and then pierce offered it to me to punish him . i tried not to accept , but pierce insisted , and we 'd just met , you know ? i did n't want to be rude . not to mention , my mom and pierce have n't known each other for very long , so i was a little taken aback by how quickly they 'd gotten married ... '' i bite my lip . `` sorry , wow . i 'm rambling . '' `` it 's ok , i get it . my parents are divorced , too . '' `` well , mine are n't actually divorced . they were n't married in the first place , '' i clarify . but greg is n't listening-he 's squinting at the entrance to the restaurant . `` speaking of ... is n't that nate now ? did you tell him we were coming here ? '' `` no , what ? it ca n't be him , '' i reply , turning around to look . but sure enough , there he is , with a brunette stunner on his arm . that asshole ! there 's no way this is a coincidence-he must have overheard me telling my mom that greg was taking me here . nate says with a smile , leading his date over as the hostess trails them . `` i did n't know you guys were coming here too ! greg , right ? i 'm nate . '' `` good to meet you , '' greg says , shaking his outstretched hand . `` and this is sophie , '' nate adds , indicating his date . `` hey , '' she says , glancing up for a moment from the cellphone in her hands . `` did you all want to sit together ? '' the hostess asks . `` we could pull another table over . '' i could kill her . `` what do you think ? '' nate asks greg , his grin at full-wattage . `` um , yeah , sure , why not ? '' greg complies . i quickly stand and make my way over to greg as a waiter helps the hostess pull another small table over . i 'm not going to sit next to nate and risk a repeat of that thigh-touching incident . `` i 'll let you two sit next to each other , '' i explain with a saccharine smile as i take a seat next to greg . `` we just ordered so you 're not too far behind , '' greg says as the hostess hands nate and sophie menus . `` could we get a bottle of dom for the table ? '' nate asks the waiter , who nods happily and scurries off . `` oh , you do n't have to- '' greg begins . `` no , i insist . we 're interrupting your date here , '' nate replies magnanimously . `` i love champagne , '' sophie pipes up , finally putting her phone away . i narrow my eyes at nate and he studiously avoids my gaze . `` so , what were you two lovebirds talking about before we got here ? '' nate asks greg . `` nothing , really , '' greg replies glancing at me . `` you know , with your light hair , you two could almost be related . cousins , maybe , '' nate observes , leaning back in his chair . i swiftly kick his shin under the table . i see his jaw tighten but he does n't even make a sound . `` oh my god , totally ! '' sophie agrees . `` i made out with my cousin once , but i did n't know he was my cousin at the time . but then it happened again ... '' i glare at nate as sophie launches into her story , and he smiles back at me . it 's going to be a long night . chapter sixteen i spin around in nate 's desk chair as he shuts his bedroom door behind him . i 've been waiting here , fuming , ever since greg dropped me off twenty minutes ago . `` jesus ! what are you , a bond villain ? '' he asks , genuinely startled . `` what were you thinking ? ! i know you did that on purpose to ruin my date , you fucker ! '' nate shrugs . `` come on , you really going to tell me you were having a great time before i got there ? '' `` oh , so you were just helping me out , is that it ? greg was completely weirded out by the whole thing . '' `` sophie had a nice time . '' `` sophie , please ! where 'd you find her ? a high school dance ? '' `` i like her , '' he says with a smug grin as he sits on his bed . `` oh , really ?

so why are n't you with her right now ? could n't seal the deal ? '' his smile falters a bit . `` maybe i did n't feel like it . '' `` well , i guess there 's a first time for everything . just stay out of my life , ok ? '' i say , and stalk toward the door . `` i 'll stay out of yours if you stay out of mine , '' he counters . i turn to face him , `` is that what this is about ? you 're mad because i told you your mom called , so you try to ruin my date ? '' i hold out my hands in surrender . `` no , it was n't that . '' `` then what ? i do n't have time to play games with a crazy man-child . '' `` i 'm sorry , alright ? i just did n't like seeing you with that guy ... something about his face is just , so punch-able , '' he says , standing up and walking over to me . this is the second time you 've come between me and a guy . '' i hold up a hand to stop him from protesting . `` and yeah , i know , jackson was n't a good choice , but that 's not the case with greg , ok ? he 's a nice guy . so tell me , why do you care ? '' i challenge him as he looks down at me . there 's a long pause as his pupils dilate , i can practically feel him struggling with the truth , but i refuse to move until he admits it . `` you know why , '' he says , looking me in the eye , his voice low and husky . before i know what 's happening , his arms are around me , pulling me against him . his urgency takes my breath away-his fingers reach desperately under my shirt , grabbing at my bra strap and expertly undoing the clasps . his mouth devours mine as he reaches back around my waist and picks me up effortlessly , bringing me over to his bed . as nate puts me down , i realize my bra is hanging free in the back , and he breaks away from our kiss to rip off my top . he pauses to look down at my breasts curving out of my limp bra before diving into my neck . `` oh god , brynn , i have to have you , '' he groans . i gasp as he sinks his teeth into my skin and then flicks his tongue across my taut neck muscles on his way up to my ear . my knees buckle as his tongue presses into my ear , and i grab onto his neck for support . my mind ca n't keep up with what 's happening , all my thoughts are a blur , but my body is urging me on , desperately . as he sucks on my earlobe , i slide my hands down and under his shirt , finally feeling the body i 've coveted for so long . his abs are even harder than i thought they would be , and they flex under my soft fingertips . i keep sliding my hands upward , feeling his nipples harden under my palms , and i feel the growing bulge of his cock pressing against my thigh ... i turn nate thornhill on . holy fuck . the thought drives me crazy and i feel myself instantly become moist with wanting , my body overcome with illicit , sinful lust . no man has ever made me feel this way before . he steps back for a moment and pulls off his shirt , tossing it carelessly on the ground , revealing his incredible body for all its glory . thousands of hours spent at the gym on and on the field have painstakingly sculpted his muscles into a fucking masterpiece for womankind . he slowly reaches forward and takes my bra straps under his expert fingers , pulling them off my arms and tossing my bra onto the pile of clothes on the floor . i shiver involuntarily as he looks down my exposed body , exhaling softly out of his mouth . he sinks to his knees in front of me and leans forward , kissing me gently on my stomach . i place my hands on his shoulders as he moves up , running his tongue underneath the crease of my breasts . i cry out as he takes my right breast into his mouth , sucking hard on my nipple . he brings one hand up to massage my left breast , and i dip my head back , feeling pleasure swell in my body like i never have before . i feel his fingers hook over the top of my skirt and slowly pull it down as his mouth moves to my left breast , softly biting it before flicking his tongue back and forth across my areola . i hear my skirt fall to the floor and his hands glide up my legs from my knees , his thumbs hooking around my inner thigh . he dips his head and kisses me softly just above the top of my white cotton underwear . `` i 've been dreaming about how sweet you taste , '' he murmurs , almost inaudibly . he pulls my panties down just a bit and runs his tongue over the now exposed skin .

i begin to shake , a mixture of unbridled desire and nerves , as he slides my underwear down to my ankles . i feel his warm breath on my skin , just a moment before his mouth is on me , kissing and licking my most intimate of places . i moan involuntarily at the sensation ... it 's completely new to me , and it feels better than i ever could have imagined . he flicks his tongue across my aching clit , sending jolts of rapture through every inch of me . with one hand i tighten my grip on his strong shoulders , digging my fingers into his hair with the other , and letting my head dip back in utter bliss as he licks my pussy with slow , strong strokes . `` oh my god , nate ... '' i hear myself moan from far away as i 'm carried off by wave after wave of pleasure . before i know what 's happening , my body spasms , and i feel nate grab my ass to keep me upright and pressed against his skillful mouth . as i begin to come down , i feel his licks becoming gentler . he reaches up and puts his finger to my lips , and i instinctively take it into my mouth , licking and sucking his finger , thinking about how incredible it would feel to do this to another part of him ... he pulls his finger out of my mouth and slips it carefully inside my tight pussy . he circles it around slowly , and i can hear him grunt in satisfaction at my wetness . my eyes begin to open slowly and i glance down at him . he catches my eye and stands up , dipping his head down and catching me in a kiss , his finger still inside me . my eyes widen as i taste myself on his lips and he pushes his tongue inside me with abandon . `` i 'm going to make you feel so fucking good , '' he promises with a wicked smile , undoing his belt buckle and unzipping his pants in one fluid motion before pushing them and his boxers to the ground . i gape at his massive cock as it 's unsheathed from his underwear . its size snaps me back to the reality of what 's about to happen , and i feel overcome with fear and adrenalin ... but i ca n't take my eyes off it . i want to feel him inside of me so much , but i think there 's one thing i need to tell him first . he bites his lip and moves against me again . i can feel his cock , throbbing and ready , against my stomach . he wraps his arms around me , and eases me back onto the bed and lays on top of me , kissing my neck . `` nate ... i ... i have to tell you ... '' i murmur , his mouth a complete distraction . `` mmm , whatever it is , it does n't matter now , '' he replies , biting my earlobe . `` it might , though . i just thought i should tell you , or warn you maybe , in case i 'm not very good- '' `` i doubt that- '' `` i 'm a virgin . '' i feel his body stiffen as the words cross my lips . he pulls back and looks me in the eye . no . no way . '' i nod . `` but it 's ok . i want to do this . '' `` how ... how are you a virgin ? '' oh , dear . this is not the kind of conversation i want to have right now . `` i do n't know , i just am . it just has n't happened yet , but i 'm ready now . '' i assure him . `` but you 've ... you must have done some things ... '' he begins worriedly . `` yeah , sure , you know , kissing ... '' `` and ? wait , was that the first time anyone 's ever gone down on you ? '' i can only shrug . `` i did n't think it would be that big of a deal . i just was telling you , in case i 'm not that good , or if i bleed or something . '' he rolls off of me and sits up . `` brynn , it is a big deal , it 's a very big deal to me . '' `` i do n't understand ... '' i reply , sitting up and pulling the sheet over to cover me , suddenly feeling very self-conscious . `` it 's just , your first time ... it 's going to mean a lot to you . '' i say , confused . he spreads his hands open on his legs but does n't say anything . i feel a sensation like a rock sinking to the bottom of my stomach . `` oh ... you 're saying it will mean a lot to me , but it wo n't mean a lot to you . '' i stare straight forward as he turns to me . `` brynn , you 're smart , gorgeous , funny , ambitious ... you 're wonderful ... but like i told you before , i do n't lie to women and say that i 'm interested in something more when i 'm not . ''

`` i guess i forgot about your policy , '' i reply flatly , feeling like the biggest idiot in the world . the biggest naked idiot in the world . `` could you ... could you close your eyes ? '' `` brynn , i 've seen- '' `` just close them , ok ? '' i glance at him to make sure he 's complied , and then stand up and begin to gather my clothes from the floor . i slip everything back on as quickly as i can , and then look back at him . his eyes are closed , and he 's sitting nude and perfectly still on the edge of the bed . he looks as perfect as i 've ever seen him look , which is really saying something . my heart breaks a little , as i move to the door and shut it behind me . i hurry down the hall and into my own bedroom , which now feels cold and empty . i crawl into bed without bothering to take off my clothes and pull the covers over me . i 'm no different to nate thornhill than any of the other girls he 's been with , and i should have known that . stupid , stupid , stupid . i hear a soft knock at the door and pull the covers up a little higher , but do n't answer . if it 's my mom , i do n't want to see her , and if it 's nate , i really do n't want to see him . there 's another knock , a little louder , and then the door is slowly pushed open . i can just see nate 's shadow in the moonlight . he closes the door behind him and moves into the room . to my surprise , he walks around the foot of my bed and to the other side , then hops on , lying down over the covers next to me . `` i 'm sorry , '' he whispers , laying his hands over his stomach . `` you do n't have to apologize . you were just being honest . '' `` no , i think i do . and i 'll stop interfering with you and other guys . '' i clear my throat to keep the pain down . `` i do n't really have female friends ... '' he says . `` dana ? '' `` dana and i are , well , fuck buddies , mostly . and that 's what she wants , too , so it 's ok. '' `` mmm . '' `` but i 'd ... i 'd like us to be friends . '' `` we 're already step-siblings , '' i point out . i can hear him smile next to me . `` true . but that was n't by choice . '' he pauses . `` i like you . i ca n't deny that i 'm attracted to you , of course , but i 'm just not the relationship kind of guy . not to mention the kind of issues that dating my own stepsister would bring up . '' he sighs . `` so can we be friends ? '' i consider for a moment . if i 'm nate 's only female friend , then i really am different to him . maybe not in the way i 'd most like , but still , it 's something . `` ok. friends , then . wait , actually , '' i turn onto my side and face him . `` before we 're officially friends , i have to ask you some non-friend questions . '' `` ok ... '' he replies warily , turning on his side , too . `` was i ... am i ... ok at all that stuff ? you know ... '' he laughs . `` what we just did , you mean ? you are more than ok at it . '' `` when did you lose your virginity ? '' `` when i was fourteen . '' `` wow . '' `` she was my friend 's older sister . '' `` how many women have you slept with ? '' `` oh my god , i do n't even know ... '' `` wait , really ? you do n't even know ? '' `` i mean , dozens ? i do n't count . '' `` sheesh . ok , one more : why are n't you the relationship kind of guy ? '' `` i do n't know , '' he says softly . `` i tried a couple times , but that kind of closeness , it just makes me uncomfortable . that 's all i know . '' i nod , sensing he 's telling me everything he can , and roll back over onto my back . i like the feeling of lying here with him next to me . i feel much more comfortable than i would have thought possible . i feel my eyes beginning to flutter closed as sleep pulls me under . `` brynn ... i ... '' i can just hear nate say . `` you 're going to make some man very happy one day . '' chapter seventeen `` i 'm just glad the whole thing has blown over , '' greg says as we pull off the beltway . i nod as i look out at the trees whizzing by in the dark .

the woman who accused pierce of sexual harassment rescinded her claims after it turned out she had accused two other former bosses of the same thing . `` it just feels like there 's been a shadow over the office for the last month . '' `` yeah , '' i reply noncommittally . greg clears his throat as we near my house . `` so , i 'm glad we got the chance to go out again , '' he says . `` me too , '' i reply with a smile . this is our third date , and he still has n't tried anything . i 'm wondering if tonight will be the night . a nervous silence falls over the car as we pull through the gates and onto the driveway . he stops in front of the house and then turns to me . `` why do n't i walk you to your door , '' he suggests . a few butterflies begin to fly around in my stomach . we undo our seat belts and hop out , meeting around the front of the car and walking up to the front door . i glance at him out of the corner of my eye and wish there were something calming i could say to him , because he looks way more nervous than i do . we reach the door and turn to each other . `` well , goodnight , '' he says . he pauses , looking into my eyes , and then begins to move forward . i lean in , and close my eyes . his lips touch mine and i frown slightly . i mean , there 's nothing wrong with his lips or anything , but i thought i 'd feel ... more . he keeps his mouth chastely pressed against mine for a few seconds and then pulls back and smiles at me . `` goodnight , brynn , '' he says again . `` goodnight , '' i reply , and turn to go inside . i shut the door behind me , and lean back against it , disappointed . greg and i get along well , and he 's such a nice guy-i 'd hoped i would eventually develop romantic feelings for him ... but that kiss ... was not so good . i sigh and continue through the foyer and into the kitchen . `` hey , '' nate greets me . i stop as a buzz runs through me at just the sight of him . that 's the feeling i ca n't manufacture when i 'm with greg . `` hey . you go for a run ? '' i ask , taking in his sweaty appearance . `` yeah , well , just on the treadmill . too dark for a trail run . did you ... did you have a nice time tonight ? '' i glance over at him . he gulps a long sip from a gatorade bottle and then puts it down on the counter . `` um , yeah , it was good , '' i reply . `` i was just going to watch a movie in the den if you 're interested . '' `` fine , but i choose tonight , '' i reply with a smile . we 've both committed to this whole being friends thing , though at times i feel like i 'm going through the motions . i do n't know if i 'll ever be able to turn off the part of me that will always want more from him . `` no romantic comedies , '' he says , as he walks to the door of the kitchen . `` i 'm just going to hop in the shower really fast . '' the phone on the counter rings and he steps toward it , but it only rings once . we both look toward pierce 's study as raised voices emanate from that direction . a moment later , we hear stomping coming our way and frown at each other in concern . pierce storms in and walks to the fridge . `` reporter ? '' nate asks quietly . `` your mother , '' pierce replies , equally quietly , though there 's a hint of venom in his voice . my eyes flick over to nate . i hope i have n't made the situation worse by taking her call that one time . he meets my gaze and shakes his head quickly as though to warn me not to say anything . `` i do n't know how she got this new number-it 's unlisted . that bitch just wo n't give up . '' my mouth drops open at pierce 's language . i 've never even heard him swear before , and it 's so at odds with his genteel appearance that it sounds even more shocking coming out of his mouth . `` we 're going to go watch a movie , '' i murmur , wanting to get away from him when he 's in this kind of mood . i can feel the waves of anger coming off of him . but pierce swings around to face nate , the gatorade bottle in his hand . `` how many fucking times have i told you to clean up after yourself ? '' he growls , and i shrink back . `` i was n't done drinking- '' nate begins . `` do n't interrupt me ! you think the rest of the world is just here to serve you ? that everyone else exists to make your cushy life a little easier ?

you 've never had to work for anything in your life . it 's pathetic , '' pierce spits at his son . i remain frozen on the other side of the counter , feeling like a coward , and not knowing what i should say . i see color rise in nate 's cheeks , but all he says is , `` yes , sir . '' with that , pierce slams the bottle back on the counter and walks back toward his office without even looking at me . nate remains motionless for a moment , then walks over to the bottle , drinks the rest of it , and tosses it into the recycling . `` i 'm sorry , you did n't deserve- '' i start , feeling horrified by the scene i just witnessed . `` you still want to watch that movie ? '' nate asks , tilting his head toward me but not making eye contact . `` yes , '' i whisper back , unsure of what else to do or say . `` ok , meet you in there in ten minutes , '' nate says simply and walks out . i wait until i can hear him walking up the stairs before i move . i 've never heard a father talk to his son like that before , and our old neighborhood was n't exactly full of model families . and the way nate 's shoulders slumped as pierce was speaking to him , it was like he agreed with what his father was saying about him . i walk up the stairs to my room and change into my sweats , before heading back downstairs to make some popcorn-food always makes me feel better . as soon as it 's finished popping , i head into the den to wait for nate . should i tell my mom about what pierce just did ? would she even listen ? she seems to have drunk the pierce kool-aid pretty heavily by this point . and now that pierce has been the victim of false allegations , it will be even harder for her to believe anything bad about him . i glance up , frowning , as nate walks in and sits down on the couch next to me . `` i can tell by that expression on your face that you want to talk , '' he begins . i smile slightly , he knows me well . `` but the stuff with my parents-it 's off-limits , ok ? '' but i need to tell him that those things pierce said are n't true . `` just- '' `` no , brynn . i really want us to be able to keep hanging out . but if you keep bringing it up ... '' i sigh . i wo n't say anything . in exchange , though ... '' i walk to the wide bookcases full of dvd options . `` no romantic comedies ! '' `` big fish , '' i say , pulling out the case . `` is that a romantic comedy ? '' he asks , narrowing his eyes suspiciously . `` well , not really . there is romance in it , but it 's more about a family , '' i explain , careful not to mention the predominant father-son themes . `` hey , friendships have to have some compromise , '' i add with a smile . `` ok , fine , '' he says , rolling his eyes . he takes a handful of popcorn and leans against one end of the couch as i pop the dvd in . as i make myself comfortable on the other end , he pulls a blanket from the back of the couch and arranges it over my feet , because he knows that they get cold . i feel a pang in my chest at the small gesture , but try to push it away . he 's not being romantic , just thoughtful . i look up at the large tv screen as the picture comes up . i feel more comfortable around nate than i do with anyone else in my life right now , so i have to settle for being friends with him . otherwise i could lose him altogether . chapter eighteen `` you and nate head down there so we do n't lose the reservation ! '' my mom instructs me . she planned a family outing to go rafting on the potomac , but pierce is stuck at the office in meetings , even though it 's a saturday . `` i 'll swing by and get him and meet you there . '' `` you sure ? '' `` yeah , he said he 'd only be a little longer , '' she assures me . `` ok , '' i reply with a shrug , and walk into the anteroom off the kitchen where nate is slipping on his sneakers . `` my mom says they 're going to meet us there , '' i tell him . `` fuck it , let 's make tracks , sis . '' and off we go in his wrangler , nate blasting some god-awful metal music . `` how do you listen to this shit ? it sounds like two cat 's screwing in a trashcan . '' i shake my head . this is slayer , they 're classic trash metal , you have to have respect . '' he says reverently .

`` i always listen to reign in blood before all of my games . '' `` lovely . '' i screw my face up in mock horror . he turns it up louder , nodding his head enthusiastically as the guitar riffs collide into what i assume is his favorite part of the song . it 's strange to see him let loose like this , and even though i think his taste in music is horrifying , i have to admit i like to see him enjoying himself . thankfully , the boathouse is just a little ways down the potomac in the direction of the city , and i 'm only subjected to slayer for a few more minutes . the temperature on this august day is in the mid-nineties , but my mom was insistent upon doing a family activity outdoors . as we take a left on the dirt road with an old sign pointing the way , i spot an empty parking lot , and figure most people are wisely staying inside with their air-conditioning today . after we park , nate heads over to the wood-slatted structure to secure the boat , and i take the sunscreen out of my bag . as nate walks back over , he smiles as he sees me struggling to smear it in between the straps of my sports bra . `` want some help ? ' `` ... sure , '' i reply , though i 'm anything but . the idea of nate 's hands on me , when i know nothing else is going to happen , sounds like torture . i might actually prefer getting a first-degree sunburn , but he 's already taken the bottle from me and squeezing some of it out into his palm . `` um , just pull the back of your shirt up , '' he instructs me . i do as he says , pulling it up to my hairline . i feel his greased-up hands slipping under the straps of my bra , and am glad he ca n't see the blush that immediately spreads across my face . i take a deep breath , trying to keep my raging hormones at bay , as his fingers slide around the side of my ribcage . `` now you do me , '' he says , as i release my shirt . `` that 's what she said , '' i mutter . `` ha ! '' nate barks , a short , joyful shout of laughter . `` i did n't know you were funny brynn , '' he says , grinning wide at me . `` there 's a lot you do n't know about me . '' i say , daring to meet his gaze for a brief moment . i clear my throat and take the bottle of sunscreen from him , willing myself to keep my thoughts clean . he pauses , then turns around and pulls off his shirt . i groan inwardly at the sight of his wide , muscular back . where are our parents ? i need some kind of buffer between us . but there are no signs of any cars pulling into the parking lot anytime soon , so i dutifully squeeze some lotion onto my fingers and then begin to spread it across his back . i carefully press it all the way up to his neck , across his shoulder blades-feeling the sinewy ropes of muscle there , down his back , and finally down to the top of his athletic shorts , my fingers venturing just inside his waistband . i hear him suck in a small bit of air , and see the slight throbbing of his member in his shorts . he 's trying hard to hold back , i can tell . `` ok , all done ! '' i say overly cheerily , as i hand him the bottle . nate tosses his shirt into the back of his jeep and begins to spread sunscreen across his chest . i keep my eyes trained on the hazy river . `` they say how long they were going to be ? '' `` nope , my mom just said- '' i break off as i hear my phone start to ring in my purse on the front seat . `` i bet that 's her now . hey , mom , '' i greet her as i accept the call . `` hey , honey . '' i ask , immediately hearing stress in her voice . `` oh , it 's nothing , but pierce wo n't be able to get out of the office long enough to go kayaking today . i 'm just going to drive down to the office now , so at least he and i can have lunch together . '' `` ok , should we- '' `` no , you two go kayaking and have fun , alright ? we 'll see you tonight for dinner . '' `` oh , alright , if you 're sure , '' i reply , wincing as i catch nate watching me , his muscular torso gleaming in the sun . `` your dad got caught up in work stuff , and my mom 's going to go meet him at the office for lunch , so they 're not coming . they said we should still go if we want , '' i explain as i hang up . `` since we 're here , '' nate says with a shrug .

`` you ever been kayaking here before ? '' `` never been kayaking at all . '' `` well , you 'll love it , '' he replies , locking up his car . `` says the captain of the uva crew team . '' in short order , we 're pushing off the dock in a tandem kayak . with nate 's powerful oar strokes , we quickly clear the shallow , muddy water and head toward the open water . `` you 'll get the hang of it , '' nate encourages me , and i turn around to smile sheepishly at him . `` i think i 'm just holding you back , here , '' i laugh , trying to get the feeling of how to dip the oar in the water at the right time . `` well , i have a lot more experience than you in a boat , '' he says . `` we used to train for crew on the potomac in high school , but we were a lot closer in to the city . we 'd pass georgetown , the kennedy center ... you 'd be amazed at the wildlife you can see out here , though , '' he tells me as he steers us upriver and into the current . `` i feel so far away from everything , '' i observe as the sounds of traffic are quickly covered up by the trees rising on either side of us . `` this land used to belong to a native american tribe called the- '' `` piscataway , '' i finish reflexively . `` damn , i keep forgetting my stepsister is a nerd , '' he says , and i can hear from his voice that he 's grinning . `` i wo n't even try to impress you with my passion for local history , then . '' `` no , come on , impress me , '' i tease him . `` i ca n't hold a candle , '' he feigns defeat . `` you get better grades than me . '' `` yeah , well , put me on two varsity teams and i think those grades might dip a little . i do n't know how you do it . my friends allison and miriam tell me i spend too much time at the library-i barely have enough time for them . not to mention , i 'm not athletically gifted at all , '' i add , nodding to my ineffectual rowing . `` so you 've got me there . '' `` i met allison on the 4th , right ? '' `` but miriam ? '' `` she 's back home in memphis for the summer . she 's my other good friend ; she and allison room together . '' `` why do n't you live with them ? '' he asks , and i pause to listen to his oars dropping quietly into the water . `` mm , i thought about it , but i like living alone . my mom can be ... '' `` what ? '' he prods me . `` i 'm trying to think of a more flattering word for needy . '' `` you can say needy if you want . i wo n't tell . '' `` ok , she 's really fucking needy , '' i reply , feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders . i hardly ever talk about the more negative aspects of my relationship with my mom . `` honestly , a lot less so since she 's met pierce , though . sometimes i just feel like i'm- '' `` her mom , '' he finishes for me . i turn to face him , raising my eyebrows . `` is it obvious ? '' `` i do n't mean to sound resentful . '' `` you 're allowed to feel however you want about her , '' he responds with a kind smile , and i turn back around . `` at first i thought you were fragile , '' he says after a moment . `` like if i dropped you , you 'd break . i think that 's why ... that 's why i wanted to test you a little . '' `` you mean when you felt me up at dinner with our parents sitting across from us ? '' he laughs . `` i ca n't believe i did that , and i do n't think i 've ever apologized . '' `` no , you did n't , jerk . '' `` i am sorry . '' `` so , you do n't think i 'm fragile now ? '' i think you 're one of the toughest people i 've ever met . look ! '' he says suddenly . i glance back toward him and follow where 's he 's pointing . `` a great blue heron , '' he explains as i spot the huge bird with its wings spread , perched on a rock in the middle of the river . `` that 's how they dry their feathers after they dive for fish . '' he stops rowing for a while as we watch it . suddenly it pulls its wings in , gathers itself like a coil , and launches into the air . we watch it fly into the distant treetops before we begin paddling up the river again . `` why are you interested in history ? ''

i ask him . `` i like understanding why people behave the way they do , '' he explains quietly . i resist the urge to ask how this relates to his own history , trying to respect the boundaries he 's put up . `` how 's greg ? '' he asks suddenly . i turn around and narrow my eyes at him . that 's a friendly question , '' he says with a devilish grin . `` i ... i do n't want to talk about it , '' i reply , a little more huffily than i intend to . `` ok ... so that either means really good or really bad . '' `` it 's not really bad , '' i protest . `` uh-oh . '' `` it 's just , there 's no ... you know ... '' `` spark ? '' `` exactly . i have to tell him soon-i do n't want him to get hurt . not that i think i 'm breaking his heart or anything- '' `` i saw the way he looks at you . '' `` meaning ? '' `` he 's falling fast . i 'd tell him before he falls any further . '' `` i think you 're exaggerating . '' `` trust me . '' we fall back into a comfortable silence as i think about his words . the stillness of the river , broken only by a soft wind blowing through the trees , helps to ease my anxiety over the conversation i need to have with greg . the concept of `` problems '' seems to fade out here , though perhaps it 's the unrelenting heat , which feels like it 's beginning to melt my body into the seat of the kayak . i grab the sweating bottle of water from between my feet and take a long swig . `` water ? '' i ask nate , turning to offer it to him . he takes it , brushing my fingers with his as he wraps his long fingers around it . my insides clench ... speaking of a spark . i spot a house very much like ours up on a hillside in the distance . `` where 'd you live before the house now ? '' `` townhouse in georgetown . '' he says . `` it was less of a behemoth . had more character . '' `` the mansion is n't your taste ? '' `` it was always big for two people , and it still seems big , even for four . but what i really do n't like is that it 's got all these fake historical touches about it , and none of them are genuine . '' `` anathema to a history major . '' i always pictured myself in a smaller house , maybe a converted barn or something ... one that was actually built in the time period it looks like it was built in . maybe somewhere quieter than dc ... it 's pretty elitist here ... i want my kids to grow up more modestly than i did . '' `` you want kids ? '' i ask , surprised . `` you do n't ? '' `` no , i do ... i 'm just surprised . you know that having kids might necessitate being in a relationship with a woman for longer than you 're used to . '' `` i honestly had n't thought of that . i always just pictured myself with kids . is that horrible ? '' `` yes ! '' i reply , quickly reaching down and flinging water back at him . he cries , and grabs the sides of the kayak , beginning to rock it back and forth . `` i 'll tip this thing over , '' he warns me with a grin . i protest , grabbing on . he relents , and keeps rowing after a moment . `` i think your mom picked the hottest day of the year , '' he observes . `` want to head back ? '' i ask , hoping he 'll say no . `` guess we should . '' i nod , feeling disappointed , and dip my oar in the water to help him turn the kayak . now that we 're going with the current , it takes us much less time to make the return trip back to the boat house . i ask . `` it 's better , actually , '' he says happily , `` thanks for asking . '' i feel a tightening in my throat as we pull into the shallower water . nate steps onto the dock first , then offers me his hand to help me get out of the unsteady boat . `` much shadier under the trees , '' he observes , nodding to a hiking trail that cuts through the trees behind the boat house . i look at him questioningly . `` short hike before we go back ? '' i nod and smile , trying not to look too pleased . chapter nineteen `` you 've got good stamina for someone who does n't do sports , '' nate observes as our `` short hike '' goes into its second hour . `` i 've been swimming in the pool pretty frequently , maybe that 's it , '' i reply , though really i think it 's that the conversation has n't stopped .

we 're high over the potomac now , on a dirt trail that winds around large boulders . he was right-it is cooler under the trees , but it 's still just as humid . `` is that it ? '' i ask , pointing to a three-leaved plant at the base of a tree . after telling nate that i manage to get poison ivy every other year , he 's made it his mission to teach me how to identify the rash-causing the plant . `` not red enough . by this time of the summer , it 'll be more red and oily-looking . and the edges of the leaves are too jagged , '' he says as he bends over to look at it . a pair of female hikers approach us on the trail , headed the opposite direction . i watch them drink in nate 's shirtless , sweaty appearance and giggle to each other . as they pass , they smile flirtatiously at him , but he just politely smiles back before turning to me . `` you 're good at so many things , but identifying plant species ... '' he intones in a mock-serious voice as he shakes his head . `` hey , if that 's my weakness , i 'll take it , '' i reply with a grin . `` yep , poison ivy , that 's your kryptonite , '' he teases me . `` what 's yours ? intimacy ? '' `` intimacy ? how dare you ! it 's commitment . very different . '' `` oh , duh , of course . my apologies , '' i reply , glad we can joke about this kind of thing . `` wait , there ! '' i say , pointing to an ivy crawling up a tree trunk on the river side of the trail . `` where ? i do n't see it , '' nate replies , craning his neck . `` there ! '' i repeat , walking off the trail and into the underbrush . `` brynn , be careful ! and i do n't think that 's poison ivy , anyway . '' `` no , really ! see , it 's red- '' i break off as i feel the ground beneath me give way . what i thought was solid earth was just an overhang of vegetation . my stomach flies into my throat as i begin to fall , the horizon instantly becoming a blur . i gasp and turn , frantically grabbing onto the dirt and branches nearby . nate yells , and dives into the brush after me . i feel him grab my hand as i struggle to find a foothold on the steep hill beneath me . my feet frantically search for support and i begin to panic . `` it 's ok , it 's ok , i 've got you , '' nate says . the steadiness in his voice causes me to look up at him . he 's looking back down at me , his eyes sure and calm . i take a deep breath and reach my other hand up . he grabs it and begins to pull me up . `` under your right foot , there 's a rock , '' he says , peering over the edge . `` do n't look down , just feel for it . just an inch to your left . keep looking at me . '' the expression in his eyes arrests me , and i still for a moment , then slowly begin to move my foot to the left . there . i feel my sneaker knock against it , and move my foot up and onto it . `` ok , now just push off and i 'll pull you up . one , two , three ! '' i shove my foot down and he kneels and pulls me up and back onto him . i land squarely on top of him , shaking with fear and adrenaline . i feel his arms reach around me and squeeze , almost pressing the last of the air out of me . `` fuck , brynn , '' he whispers in my ear . `` are you ok ? '' i reply , realizing he 's landed on his back . `` am i ok ? are you ? '' he says , sounding shocked . `` um , i think so , though it 's hard to tell right now . '' `` oh , sorry . here , stand up , '' he says , and i lean to the side of him . he jumps up then offers me both hands . i take them and stand , wincing as i put weight on my right foot . `` my ankle , i think . '' `` let 's get back on the trail where i can look at it . '' he takes my arm and wraps it around his shoulder . i feel his arm around my waist and i 'm practically lifted off my feet as he walks me back onto the trail . he guides me down to a seated position and i lean back on my hands as he gently picks up my right foot . `` it 's a little swollen , '' he observes , `` but i do n't think it 's broken-probably a bad sprain . think you 're ok to walk back if i help you ? '' `` yeah , i 'll be fine , '' i assure him .

he helps me stand up and puts my arm around his shoulders . i take a deep breath as we take our awkward first steps back toward the boathouse , and i realize i 'm in for a full hour of being pressed up against him . `` you 're really sweaty , you know that ? '' i say with a smile . `` hey , you better be careful or i might lose my grip , '' he replies . `` how high up was i ? '' `` probably best not to think about it . '' `` that 's pretty high . '' `` well , i 'm glad you 're alright ... mostly . '' i do n't know if it 's the scare from almost falling , or if we 're both just tired , but the slow walk back takes place in almost silence . i wish i could think of something to say to break the tension , but having his shirtless body pressed up against me is too much . i can feel our sweat mingling together and our breath syncing along with the rhythm of our footsteps . as we finally sight the parking lot , he stops and moves in front of me , then bends over , looking back at me expectantly . i laugh and lift my bad leg up onto him , and then jump up as he hoists me the rest of the way . he walks with me on his back until we reach the car , then deposits me right next to the passenger side door . as he jogs around to the driver 's side , i turn to look around the parking lot . there are still only a few cars here , and in the corner is a blue sedan with a woman wearing sunglasses behind the wheel . i stare at her for a moment , because with her blonde hair , i thought for a moment that she was my mom . as we make eye contact she quickly looks away , and i hear the car start after a moment . maybe she was just staring at nate like the other women we encountered today . or maybe she 's a reporter ... pierce warned the family that there could still be a few hanging around . `` are you ok to get in by yourself ? '' nate asks , rolling down the window . `` oh , yeah , sorry , '' i reply , snapping back to attention . i open the door and use my left leg to hop into the elevated seat . `` everything alright ? '' `` yeah , it 's fine . '' when we arrive back at the house , nate basket-carries me straight from the car into the kitchen , gently setting me down on a chair in the breakfast nook . he kneels in front of me and unlaces my shoe , then slips it off and peels my sock off . `` can you wiggle your toes ? '' i move them back and forth . `` and now really slowly move your whole foot around . '' i wince as i circle it and pain shoots up through my leg . `` i broke my ankle playing lacrosse my junior year , and i do n't think that 's what this is . let 's ice and wrap it and see how it is tomorrow , or monday . if it 's still bad , i 'll take you to the doctor . '' `` you know how to wrap it ? '' `` hey , when it 's not my own hand , i 'm pretty good at it . '' i watch him take down that same first aid kit from the cabinet and set it down on the floor as he kneels in front of me again . he carefully wraps athletic tape around my ankle and then around the middle of my foot , hooking it around and around until my ankle is firmly stabilized . `` ok , let 's get you into the den so we can ice it . '' i begin to stand but he bends over and scoops me up again , carrying me through the hallways to the cozy den . he sets me down on the couch and then disappears . i grab a pillow and set it behind my back as i stretch my legs out , marveling at the sudden appearance of nate 's caretaker instincts . he reappears with a ziploc bag of crushed ice and a glass of water , setting the latter down on the table next to me before lowering the ice down onto my ankle . i shiver as he places it down , and he pulls the throw down from the back of the couch . he grabs one end and unfolds it , then sits on the edge of the couch next to me to lay it over me , tucking the corners in around my body . i become very aware of my own breathing as he moves over me . i watch his hands as they take the edge of the blanket and tuck it around my shoulders . his right hand moves slowly from the blanket onto the exposed skin of my neck . i hold my breath as he lightly runs his fingertips up onto my jaw , then over to my chin . with his thumb and forefinger , he gently tilts my head up until i look at him . he 's staring at my mouth , and only pauses for a moment before he bends down .

`` please do n't , '' i whisper as he 's just inches away from kissing me . `` if you do n't want anything more , it 's just cruel . '' `` what if i do want something more ? '' he says , his dark blue eyes flicking up to mine . `` more ... '' i repeat , rolling the word around my tongue . `` what kind of more ? '' `` i 've never felt about someone the way i feel about you . i 've tried fighting that feeling , i 've tried reasoning with it , but it just keeps getting stronger . i have to give in-i need to . i ca n't tell you i know exactly what this will look like ... i 've never done anything like it . but i promise you that when i 'm with you , i 'll be with only you . and i want you to be with only me . '' i stare up at him . that 's still a lot of unknowns , but i sense that he 's giving me everything he can right now . plus my heart is about to beat out of my chest , and my resistance is giving out . `` only you , '' i nod , before reaching around his neck and pulling him toward me . our lips meet in an open kiss , our tongues finding each other 's and mingling with desperate passion . he presses me back against the cushion , his hands grasping my waist over the blanket and quickly moving up and over my breasts . i arch my back into him , wanting to feel him against me ... feel him everywhere . `` you guys home ? '' nate jumps away as we hear my mom 's voice from the foyer . he takes a deep breath and then runs his hand through his hair before responding . `` we 're in the den ! '' he calls back , then turns to me . `` tonight , '' he murmurs , his eyes burning with promise . chapter twenty `` are you ok , brynn ? '' my mom asks me , frowning . `` yeah , i 'm fine , '' i reply lightly as i use my napkin to try to clean the tomato sauce off my shirt where i 've just spilled it . nate 's promise of an evening rendezvous has left me clumsy and distracted throughout dinner . i had just finished cleaning up the glass of water i knocked off the table when i dropped a piece of chicken off my fork and onto my shirt . `` sorry i could n't make it today , guys , '' pierce says . `` looks like you could have used some more supervision . nate should n't have taken you on any dangerous trails . '' `` oh , it was n't dangerous , '' i rush to nate 's defense . `` he was trying to teach me how to spot poison ivy , actually , and i walked right off the trail . i did n't realize how close i was to the edge and the ground just gave way under me . it was all my fault . he was the one who pulled me back up and taped my ankle . '' `` well , it could n't hurt to get it looked at by a doctor on monday , '' my mom points out . `` i think it 'll be fine , really , '' i insist . `` anyone want dessert ? '' `` no , thanks , '' nate and i both respond at the same time . i bite my lip to keep from laughing . `` what 's so amusing ? '' pierce asks , looking at his son , his voice dangerously quiet . `` inside joke , '' i reply quickly . `` i 'll help you clear the table , mom . '' we both stand and grab a couple plates and head into the kitchen . as soon as the swinging door shuts behind me , i hear pierce 's voice . even though his words are muffled , i can tell by his tone that he 's berating nate for something . i look at my mom . she turns on the water and begins rinsing off the plates before putting them into the dishwasher . `` is it ok with you that he talks to nate like that ? '' `` it 's between the two of them , '' my mom replies quietly without looking up at me . i feel anger surge inside me . `` you keep trying to make us a family , but then you wo n't get involved in their relationship . you ca n't have it both ways . '' before she can reply , i spin back around and into the dining room . pierce breaks off abruptly as i enter the room , and i quickly clear the rest of the dishes before limping upstairs to my room . i take a deep breath as i close my bedroom door behind me . i do n't want to have this night ruined by my anger at my mom and pierce . i head into the bathroom and turn on my shower . i still have n't had a chance to wash off the sweat from our kayaking and hiking trip today , and i want to smell like a rose tonight . my body tingles in anticipation as i peel off my shirt and shorts .

i glance down at my wrapped ankle , wondering if it 's ok to get wet . probably fine . i pull off my sports bra and underwear and then study myself in the mirror , running my hands over my breasts and then across my stomach . nate 's already seen me naked , i remind myself , as nerves surge up in my stomach . and i already know he likes me . it will be ok . i step under the hot stream of water and take my time washing my hair . as the conditioner sets , i shave my legs and my bikini line , going a little bit narrower than i would normally . i know that a lot of girls at college go completely bare , but i ca n't bring myself to go that far . i turn off the water and towel myself off , then part my hair in the middle and let it air dry . i pull a pair of cotton pajama bottoms and a camisole from my bureau and put them on . i 'm not sure if that 's sexy or not , but i 'm trying not to overthink it . i 'm certainly not succeeding , but i am trying . i head over to my computer and sit down . i know that nate will probably wait for our parents to go to bed before he does anything , so i 've got a couple of hours to go at least . i begin to click around the internet , but i 'm not able to absorb myself in anything . i keep wondering what 's going to happen tonight . i do n't want to get my hopes up , but i think i have an idea . or at least , i know what i want to happen . i finally decide to play some mindless tv on hulu , and settle back in my chair . `` goodnight , brynn ! '' i finally hear my mom call as she heads up to the third floor . i freeze . `` goodnight ! '' i call back , and immediately begin pulling at the ends of my hair . i keep watching tv until i hear pierce heading upstairs , too , then quickly close my computer and hurry into the bathroom , wincing as i put too much weight on my right ankle . i run my fingers through my hair and decide i should brush my teeth . just as i 'm putting my toothbrush back down , i hear a soft knock at my door . my heart jumps in my chest . i walk back into my bedroom just in time to see the door open and nate stick his head in . `` hi , '' i murmur . `` hi , '' he replies , taking a couple more steps in and closing the door behind him . i smile at him nervously . i suddenly have no idea what to say-the usual ease of conversation between us is replaced with jittery nerves and excitement . his appearance right now is n't helping matters . he 's barefoot , and wearing jeans and a v-neck white t-shirt . he looks impossibly , effortlessly sexy . `` i ca n't remember the last time i was nervous with a woman , '' he finally says . `` oh , well ... good . i 'm nervous , too , i mean . '' he smiles and begins to walk slowly toward me . `` i want to do everything with you , brynn . the idea of being the first one to show you ... everything ... '' he takes a deep breath . `` but i 'm going to go slowly . you have to tell me if i 'm ever moving too quickly , alright ? it 's going to be hard for me not to get caught up in the moment . '' i nod and realize that i 've been holding my breath while he 's been talking . he stops just in front of me and wraps his arms around my waist , then leans his head forward until his forehead rests against mine . `` come to bed , '' he whispers . a thrill of pleasure runs through me . `` you do n't know how long i 've wanted to hear you say that . '' he grins widely and presses his lips against mine . in contrast to our recent urgent caresses , this one is slow and gentle . perhaps because we know we 're finally on the same page , and we have all night to spend with each other . his tongue delicately flicks against mine , and i feel his hands move under my ass and pick me up . he spins and walks to the bed , setting me down in a seated position on the edge . `` is there anything ... in particular you want tonight ? '' `` i just want you , '' i reply with a shrug . `` well , that i can do . '' he grabs the bottom of his t-shirt and pulls it off over his head . i bite my lip . the tightness and size of his muscles always takes me aback . i lean forward and nuzzle my nose into the hair just under his belly button , then softly kiss him . i hear a low grunt from the back of his throat and lean back to look at him questioningly .

he 's looking down at me like he 's about to devour me in one bite , but he takes a deep breath and kneels down in front of me , spreading my knees apart so he can push right up against me . he pulls me toward him and opens my lips with his . as our tongues meet , i feel his fingertips gliding softly over the top of my camisole , barely touching my right breast . i press forward into his hand , but he pulls back . i quickly learn my lesson and stay still as his fingers return , teasingly running just under the fabric . finally i feel him reach up with both hands and pull the cotton down and hook it under my breasts so it stays put . he dips his head and pulls my breasts together , taking one nipple into his mouth and sucking on it , then quickly moving over to the other . i moan and tilt my head back as my hands grip the comforter beside me . he backs off and takes the bottom hem of my shirt , pulling it off over my head . `` you have the most gorgeous breasts , '' he breathes , palming them as though he 's sculpting clay . i 've always been self-conscious of them . '' he looks at me in shock . `` they 're perfect . '' he leans forward to kiss me softly , then begins to unbutton his jeans . `` wait , um , can i ? '' i stop him . he smiles at me and stands . i slowly reach forward and finish unbuttoning them , then move the zipper down . i can feel his eyes on me , but i keep my gaze on what i know is waiting for me underneath his denim . the arch of his cock is pressing against his boxer-briefs as i push his jeans past his knees . i pause and then take the sides of his waistband and pull them out and around . his thick mushroom tip springs out as soon i pull the boxers down . he 's so big that i ca n't begin to imagine how he 's going to fit inside me . my worry must read on my face , because he says , `` we 'll take it slow . '' i nod and push the boxers down to his jeans , holding them as he steps out of them . i gulp as i 'm face-to-face again with his manhood . `` have you ever ... ? '' he asks leadingly , nodding down at himself . `` never , '' i reply . `` give me your hands . '' i obey , reaching up to place mine in his large outstretched palms . he places one on his thigh , and brings the other to his shaft . he wraps it around the base , and then moves it up to his tip , then back down . `` just like that . nice and easy at first . '' he removes his hand and i keep going , feeling the soft , veiny skin of his cock ripple slightly at my touch . he takes my other hand and places it on his balls , massaging them with me . his hands then drop by his sides , and i look up to see his eyes closing and his lips parting . instinctively , i lean forward and , tucking my lips over my teeth , i take him inside my mouth . i hear him gasp and i smile inwardly . he does n't know that i 've read my fair share of dirty books , even if i 've never actually put anything into practice . i keep moving my mouth down his length , seeing how far in i can take him . i stop when he hits the back wall of my mouth , though i 'm still not at his base , and then begin to slide back out . `` oh , fuck , brynn . you sure you 've never done this before ? '' he asks me , eyes wide as i swirl my tongue around his tip and then pull him back inside my mouth . i move my hand back to his balls and massage him again as i move up and down his dick . i hear him moan and feel his hand move to the back of my head , his fingers grasping my hair . `` enough , '' he grunts , pulling his hips back . `` stand up . '' normally when nate takes that tone with me or orders me around , it really gets under my skin . but right now , it 's turning me the hell on . i jump to my feet . he abruptly takes the elastic waist of my pants and yanks them to the ground . we stand facing each other naked , the air between us charged . without taking his eyes off mine , he reaches forward and between my legs . i cry out softly as he slips one finger over my wet clit , and then inside me . i almost fall forward at the strength of my reaction to his touch , and have to grab onto his shoulders to support myself . he pulls me into him so that i 'm curled against his chest , my head resting just under his chin . his finger moves in and out of me , and his thumb flicks over my clit . i reach down and begin to run my hand up and down his cock like he showed me , though i 'm so turned on that i 'm hardly aware of what i 'm doing .

`` you 're almost ready , '' he whispers . he pulls his hand out of me and picks me up under the armpits and tosses me onto the bed . in a second he 's pushing my legs apart and kneeling between them . his head ducks down and i buck wildly as his tongue takes a long lick of my clit . i feel him slip two fingers inside me , and can feel him pressing them all around , stretching me out . his tongue circles and flicks against me the whole time , until i begin to unravel . `` oh , nate , oh , yes ! '' i cry out , but he stops . i gasp at the sudden lack of contact and pick up my head to look at him . he 's no longer between my legs , but standing to get something out of his jeans . he smiles at me as he shows me the condoms he 's taking out of his pocket . he rips one off and pulls it open with his teeth , then tosses the rest on the bed next to me as he walks back . i watch as he holds it to his tip and then unrolls it down his shaft . then he kneels back on the bed , his legs between mine , and lies down on top of me with his weight on his elbows . `` this first time will probably hurt a little , but it 'll feel good soon , '' he promises , brushing a strand of hair behind my ear . i nod nervously . he kisses me , his tongue softly caressing mine , as i feel his dick against my opening . i ca n't believe it 's finally happening . he reaches down , pulling my leg up and holding it against his hip as he takes his cock in his other hand , positioning it at just the right angle . i gasp as he enters me and sharp pain reverberates through my entire lower half . i feel his hips stop their forward motion . he moves his mouth over to my ear , softly sucking on my earlobe and darting his tongue in and out as he moves forward again . the pleasurable sensation at my ear helps to distract me from the massive pressure i feel pressing into me . i close my eyes and wrap my arms around his back , willing myself to relax . i know i 'm in good hands . just when i think the pain will be more than i can handle , he stops , and i can feel the skin around his hips pressing against mine . he 's all the way in . he circles around slowly , and i feel my first twinge of pleasure at the sensation . he pulls his head back and looks at me . `` ok ? '' i nod , feeling breathless . without taking his eyes off me , he begins to pull back out , all the way to his tip , before sliding in again . he pulls out a second time , and as he returns , my lips part in surprise at my body 's response . i think he can sense that i 'm starting to warm to the sensation , because he begins to move a little faster . `` oh , nate , that feels ... it feels ... '' i trail off . there are no words . i simply wrap my legs around his back and dig my hands into his hair as he moves against me , as exquisite waves flow through my body . his lips find mine again , kissing me with a passion that matches the faster pace he 's setting . i feel an orgasm begin to build inside me . i 've had orgasms before , including an amazing one with nate , but this one feels different . it 's so powerful that it scares me . i bear down against it , holding my breath to keep it at bay . but everything nate is doing is working against me . i feel his hands move to my breasts , and my back arches against the heat of his palms . he kisses my neck as i bend to him , and his cock finds new and untouched nerve endings to drive me to the edge . `` oh , nate , it 's too much ... '' i breathe , opening my eyes . `` i do n't know if i can . '' he slows down for a moment . `` brynn , you 're safe with me , '' he murmurs , his dark eyes finding mine , tenderness and passion mixed in them . `` you just have to let go . let go with me . '' he begins to speed up , but his eyes do n't leave mine . i follow his advice , trying to let the orgasm take me rather than trying to control it . `` yes , yes , brynn , '' he grunts as my eyes roll back in my head . he slams his hips into me now , driving his cock inside me . i hear myself begin to moan as though i 'm outside of my own body . his torso lifts off of me and he thrusts in a little deeper . the slightly new angle is enough to push me right over the edge . i completely lose control , my body arching with spasms of its own accord .

i can vaguely feel him bucking on top of me , his sweat dripping down onto my skin . he collapses on top of me and i tuck my face into his neck . his body weight feels exactly right on top of me . i feel like i could stay like this forever . chapter twenty-one i wake up to soft kisses on my cheek . my eyes flutter open in surprise . `` mmm ? '' i murmur incoherently . `` you passed out , '' i hear nate whisper back . i realize he 's still on top of me-and inside me . `` oh , sorry , '' i smile , blushing a bit . `` i hope i did n't make too much noise . '' he grins . `` well , i think if they 'd heard anything , we would have known about it by now . '' `` how long was i asleep for ? '' `` just twenty minutes or so . i was worried i was going to crush you . '' he kisses my lips and then reaches down . i watch him hold the base of the condom as he pulls out of me . the sensation of him leaving my body is jarring , and i lay still for another minute , absorbing it , as he walks to the bathroom . he comes back with a couple of wet tissues and i sit up to take them from him . `` it 's ok , '' he says . `` lie back . '' i obey , and feel him carefully wiping up the inside of my thigh , and then begin to giggle . he stops and looks at me with a confused frown . `` i 'm sorry , i just-i never thought i 'd be in this position with nate thornhill ! '' i explain . he shakes his head with a bemused grin as i continue to giggle . `` you bled a little , but it did n't get on the comforter . that would have been tough to explain , '' he says as he returns to the bathroom . `` i could have just said i had my period , '' i point out as i pull my comforter back and crawl underneath the sheets . `` oh , i guess that 's true , '' he says , coming back and sliding into bed next to me . `` i ca n't believe i 'm not a virgin anymore , '' i grin as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close . `` i was beginning to think it would never happen . '' `` so ... you liked it ? '' he asks , running his fingers up and down my arm . i 'm shocked to feel my body respond hungrily , as though i have n't just had a mind-blowing orgasm twenty minutes ago . `` are you kidding me ? '' i ask , raising my eyebrows at him . `` what about me ? was i ... '' `` you were excellent , '' he assures me . `` it was different , though . '' `` different , how ? '' `` i usually do n't really know the girls i sleep with . or have feelings for them . even the ones i get to know , because we 're hooking up regularly , i 'll end it when they get too clingy . '' a fissure of concern rises in my chest . `` so ... do n't get clingy ? '' `` that was n't a warning , '' he says , turning to me with a smile . `` besides , i do n't think of you as clingy . stubborn , maybe . '' `` gee , thanks , '' i reply , rolling my eyes . `` so , why did it never happen ? losing your virginity ? '' he asks , turning to me and resting his head on his elbow . `` well , i guess it 's not that surprising . i 've never really dated . my first kiss was with this guy david in my junior year of high school . it was really fast . and gross . his tongue just sort of darted in and out of my mouth . and then senior year , and freshman year of college , a few guys took me out , but it never really went anywhere . i mean , they were fine , but i really wanted to dedicate myself to studying , and getting a scholarship and all that . '' `` did your mom put a lot of pressure on you to do well in school ? '' `` the opposite , actually . she was always begging me to get my head out of a book and put on some lip gloss . which of course just made me want to stick my head even further into a book . i just never wanted to end up like her . '' nate raises his eyebrows at me , and i sigh . `` i mean , dependent on men . she never really learned how to do anything because she 's so beautiful and charming and men would always do everything for her . but when i came along , they stopped coming around so much , and she had to take care of me all by herself . and even when they did , they 'd eventually leave , and she 'd be devastated .

curled up in bed for days , depressed , unable to care for herself ... '' `` so then you started taking care of her , '' he finishes . we settle back into the pillows for a minute . `` your mom should have known that not all books are created equal , though , '' nate begins thoughtfully . `` some are far more interesting than others . '' i ask , with absolutely no idea what he 's talking about . with a devilish grin , he reaches over me and opens my bedside table . i shriek and grab his arm as i see his fingers graze over my copy of lady chatterley 's lover . but to my far more infinite horror , his hand keeps searching back and returns to the bed with my hot pink vibrator . `` oh my god , put that back ! '' he ignores me , and studies it thoughtfully as my cheeks burn . `` someday i 'd like to watch you use this on yourself , '' he comments . my mouth drops open and he glances up at me , his eyes boring into me . `` what do you think about that ? '' `` i ... i do n't know , '' i whisper . `` not tonight , '' he assures me , replacing the vibrator in the drawer and turning back to me . `` tonight , i 'll do all the work . '' i gasp as i feel his fingers slip between my legs and rub against my clit . `` you have no idea how much it turns me on to be your first for all of this . '' `` mmhm , '' i reply distractedly as my eyelids flutter . no way can i concentrate on speaking with his hand down there . `` brynn , keep looking at me . '' i whine . `` because i like to tease you , '' he replies simply . i bite my lip and turn my head back to him . his fingers rub my aching nub over and over again . `` i like it when you order me around , '' i whisper , feeling shocked to hear myself say such a thing out loud . his eyes widen . `` only in bed , '' i explain . i watch his pupils dilate and his jaw muscles contract , as though he 's struggling against some powerful reaction . he sucks in a breath of air and then blows it out of his mouth slowly . `` oh , brynn , there are so many things i want to do to you . but we ca n't just jump from zero to sixty . '' i nod in understanding and then moan as he slips a finger inside me . `` you 're so wet already . you want round two ? '' all i can do is moan in affirmation . `` turn around , '' he orders me , and a thrill of desire rushes through me . i obey , turning over onto my other side so that my back 's to him . he runs his hand over my ass and then back between my legs and inside me . i hear him fumbling with his other hand and then the sound of a condom being ripped open . `` put your arms over your head , '' he tells me . i place them over my ears and onto the pillow , bending my elbows so that they do n't hit the headboard . i feel his hand press down against my forearms , his long fingers easily reaching completely around me , and pinning me to the pillow . his other hand slides out of me and pulls my hips back toward him . i begin to tremble with anticipation , but do n't have to wait very long . i feel his cock at my slit , pushing into me as he holds me in place . i cry out from pain and pleasure as he reawakens the soreness he created the first time , but unlike that time , the pleasure is also instant and intense . i feel his mouth at my ear . `` you like that ? '' `` yes , oh god , yes , '' i moan . he thrusts into me faster . `` it 's so hard to hold back with you , '' he mutters , almost to himself . `` you do n't have to , '' i reply . i hear him grunt in response and slam into me harder . suddenly i feel myself being picked up and turned over . before i know it , i 'm on my hands and knees without nate and me ever losing contact . i have to bite my lip to keep myself from screaming out in pleasure as he pulls out and drives back in . he 's in so deep now , pressing directly against my g-spot with every thrust . my body begins to shake with another orgasm and this time , i let myself go with it . i feel nate 's hands pulling my hips back to meet his with every thrust as he comes with me . my elbows collapse down with the final shudder of my orgasm , and nate lands on top of me , immediately kissing the back of my neck . `` oh , brynn , i 'm sorry , '' he murmurs , as he pulls my hair out of my face . why are you sorry ? '' i ask , befuddled . `` you 're crying ... i 'm so sorry .

i was too rough , i went too quickly , i- '' he rushes on , sounding horrified . my brain tries to catch up with him . it did n't hurt . i did n't even realize i was crying . everything felt amazing . '' his body relaxes against mine . `` i was so scared for a second there . i thought i hurt you . '' `` no , honestly ... '' i reach up to touch my face , and he 's right-my cheeks are damp . `` that 's so strange . this does n't happen a lot ? '' he pulls himself up so he can look at me with an ironic grin . `` i do try not to make girls cry , brynn . '' `` i 'm sorry , i just meant ... i wondered if this happens to other girls . i suppose i do n't usually ... you know , let go of control like that . maybe the emotional release ... '' `` maybe . just as long as you 're ok. '' `` i 'm more than ok , '' i assure him . `` sore ? '' `` i 'll get you some water , '' he says , kissing the back of my shoulder before gently pulling out of me . he comes back from the bathroom with a glass for me , and sits up in bed with me as i drink it . `` i wish you could sleep here , '' i murmur , resting my head on his shoulder . i feel spent , relaxed ... and happy . `` me too . '' chapter twenty-two the next morning , i wake up reaching for nate , but he 's gone . i turn over onto my back in frustration . i thought that after we had sex my desire for him might fade a bit , become more manageable , but it 's even stronger now . even though i can feel a little soreness and pain between my legs , i want him to take me again , and again , and again . i glance at the clock and am shocked to see it 's almost noon . well , i guess i did have a big day yesterday , between almost sliding down that cliff and losing my virginity . i slide under the sheets to the side of the bed and sit up on the edge . i roll my ankle and find that there 's barely any pain , though i guess i should leave the tape on for one more day just to be safe . i stand and pull on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt and head downstairs to the kitchen and fix myself some breakfast . my mom walks in just as i 'm sitting down at the breakfast table . `` wow , that 's a lot of food , brynn , '' she comments , raising her eyebrows at the amount of eggs and toast on my plate . `` starving , '' i reply , pausing only momentarily then continuing to shovel food into my mouth . `` i can see that . how 's your ankle ? '' `` lot better . '' i clear my throat . i need to stop acting weird or my mom will know something 's up . i put down my fork . `` did you have a nice lunch with pierce yesterday ? where 'd you go ? '' `` the palm , '' she replies . `` it was lovely . pierce is a regular there and always gets the best table . '' `` oh , good . '' i glance up as nate slides opens the door from outside . he winks at me and i quickly bury my head back in my food so that my mom ca n't see the blush spreading across my cheeks . `` just returning from your morning workout , nate ? '' my mom asks as she begins to fix herself some tea . `` you 're both getting such late starts today . '' `` must 've been that hike , '' nate replies nonchalantly . `` how 's your ankle ? '' `` lot better , '' i repeat , holding it out from under the table and rolling it around to demonstrate . `` better keep the tape on for another day just to be safe . '' `` that 's just what i was thinking . '' `` anybody want some coffee ? i 'm just putting some water on , '' my mom breaks in . `` yes , please , '' we both chorus . `` you know , i 'm so glad you two are getting along . that 'step ' word has such a bad connotation , i suppose because of cinderella ... you know , the wicked stepsisters . but of course , having a bigger family can be such a positive thing , '' she muses , turning up the burner on the stovetop . i watch her for a moment , wondering if she 's trying to bring up something about what i said to her last night , about how she needs to get involved in pierce 's harsh treatment of his son . `` very positive , '' nate replies seriously , not looking at me as i glare at him warningly . it is so not the time for one of his smartass comments . `` pierce and i are going to the farmer 's market in about an hour . you guys want to come ? '' and miss a chance to be alone with nate ?

`` i was thinking i was just going to sit by the pool today , '' i reply . `` give my ankle a little more time to heal . '' `` probably wise , '' my mom agrees . `` what about you , nate ? '' `` i have to , um ... '' he trails off , trying to come up with an excuse . `` you know , i think my friend jackson might swing by later , so i better stay home . '' `` ok , just the parents then , '' my mom with a faux sigh . nate and my mom both leave the kitchen to take their coffee into other rooms , so i can finish off my breakfast in peace . after i clean up my plates , i decide to head into the den and turn on the tv . my body needs to digest that giant breakfast i just devoured . pierce and my mom find me sitting in there on their way out the door , and i wave goodbye . but as soon as the door closes , a ball of excitement forms in my stomach . i 'm alone with nate . i feel like a kid on christmas morning . i push aside the throw and stand up , heading for the stairs and nate 's bedroom . a flurry of nerves hits me as i walk down the hallway and knock softly on his door . `` one sec ! '' he calls back . `` ok , come in . '' i push the door open to find him standing just outside his bathroom , a white towel wrapped around his waist . he 's dripping wet , having clearly just stepped out of the shower . `` oh , it 's you , '' he says with a smile . i shut the door behind me . `` they just left . '' `` how are you feeling , really ? i want to make sure i did n't go too fast last night . any regrets ? '' i walk toward him . `` i do have one regret . '' he frowns in concern , his beautiful forehead marred by a line in between his eyebrows . `` there was something i wanted to do last night , but i did n't get the chance . '' the tension immediately leaves his face . `` which was ? '' he asks , the edge of his mouth twisting up in a questioning smile . i reach forward and unwrap his towel in response , then kneel in front of him . i watch his cock grow hard in front of my eyes as he gazes down at me . without another word , i run my hands up the front of his thighs , feeling his leg hair under my palms disappear as it reaches the line of his hips . i lean forward , trailing kisses just under his belly button . he smells amazing-a heady mixture of fresh shower combined with the very personal scent of his package . it 's unlike anything i 've smelled before , and though i have n't been with anyone else , i bet the smell is all his own . i wrap my hands around the back of his thighs as i dip my head and kiss the base of his shaft . his cock jumps slightly in response to my touch , and i hear him groan . i wrap my hand around him , pulling him toward my mouth . i circle my tongue lightly around his tip , licking up a bead of liquid that has just appeared there . i move to the base of his dick , pressing my tongue down hard as i make my way back up the underside of his shaft , then flick my tongue around his tip . then i tuck my lips around my teeth and wrap them around him , stretching my mouth wide to receive him . i move slowly down his length , wanting to make him feel as good as he 's been making me feel . and to tease him a little , too , if i 'm being perfectly honest . i look up at him as i pull back , and see him biting his lip as he looks down at me . i circle his tip with my tongue for a minute as he watches me . i feel myself growing wet-why going down on him turns me on so much i do n't know , but it does . his fingers wrap around the back of my head , digging into my hair , as he dips his head back . i take him in my mouth again and begin to move faster . i bring one hand up to massage his balls , and wrap the other around his shaft , following my mouth . i still ca n't fit his whole cock in my mouth , so i figure this is kind of a good cheat . my eyes begin to water a bit as i hear him begin to groan . i move even faster , excited to feel him come in my mouth , and to taste him . `` oh , fuck , fuck , i 'm coming , '' he moans , and suddenly my mouth is filled with liquid . i keep moving my head back and forth even as i feel it leak a little out of the corner of my mouth . should i swallow it ? i do n't know what else to do , so i lean back for a moment and feel it run down my throat .

nate 's taking deep breaths above me , his chest heaving , so i lean forward again and kiss his shaft gently as it softens a bit . i guess i expected it to , you know , go down right away , but it stays mostly erect as i stand back up . to my surprise , he wraps his arms around me and kisses me . i thought he might feel some compunction considering where my mouth has been , but his tongue slips readily against mine and i relax against him . his hand slides down my ass and he rubs himself against me . `` how much longer do you think they 'll be gone ? '' he asks breaking away and bringing his other hand up to my cheek . `` no idea . '' `` well , i 'll make this quick , just in case . '' he pushes me away and steps back . `` strip . '' i almost gasp at the pleasure his command sends rushing through me . i pull off my shirt and yoga pants , then unhook my bra and slide my panties to the ground as he watches . my lips part as he wraps his hand around his cock as it hardens completely again . `` i want you to go on birth control soon , ok ? i do n't want to have to wear a condom with you . '' `` does it feel very different ? '' `` oh yeah . and i want to feel myself right up against you . '' he walks over to his bedside table and pulls a condom out and tosses it on the bed . `` come , '' he says , holding his hand out to me . i walk over , and he turns me around , pulling my back against him . i feel his cock hitting the small of my back as he runs his fingers over my stomach and then up over my breasts , gently pinching my nipples . i groan into his touch . i 've never felt anything close to the way he makes me feel . `` a little faster and harder this time , ok ? '' he asks , and i nod , already beyond speaking . his fingers slide down and over my clit , and i can hear the sounds of my wetness as he presses one finger inside me . `` you 're already so wet ... good girl . '' his other hand snakes up to my face and turns my cheek so that i 'm facing him . he kisses me , hard , his tongue ravaging my mouth as his finger circles inside my opening . his thumb flicks over my clit and i cry out in pleasure and surprise . as if he were just waiting for this response , he turns me around and pushes me down on my back on the bed . he picks up the condom next to me and quickly rips it open and pulls it on . he grabs my hips and steps forward , pulling my ass down so that it 's just on the edge of the bed . he bends over me , quickly pulling my breast into his mouth and gently nibbling on my nipple . he moves his weight onto his elbows and i feel him pressing inside me . there 's a slight soreness left over from last night , but also instant pleasure . he stretches me open , pushing slowly but surely until he 's all the way in . my hands dig into his back as he thrusts again , a little harder . then he stands up , still inside me , and pulls my legs up so that my calves are resting on his shoulders . he moves his right hand over my crotch , and i moan as he begins to circle my clit with his thumb . i cry out as he begins to pull in and out of me at the same time , and i watch his face as he watches himself move inside my opening . the combination of his fingers on my clit and his cock inside me is quickly driving me crazy . `` aaggh , '' i cry out intelligibly , and nate 's eyes snap up to my face . he removes his hand from my clit and leans forward so that both of his palms are spread on the comforter . my legs are still on his shoulders , and i can feel a good stretch in my hamstrings in this position . i 'm also completely immobilized as he begins to drive into me in earnest now , his jaw tense and his neck muscles bulging . i close my eyes and lose myself to the sensation of being drilled over and over again . he 's hitting me so deeply , and i 'm absolutely out of control and powerless . maybe it would make me nervous with some other man , but i feel completely safe with nate . as an orgasm begins to rip through me , i feel his hands gripping my shoulders tightly , pulling me down against him as he comes inside me . `` brynn , oh , fuck , brynn ! '' he shouts as he releases himself . my legs fall off his shoulders and splay onto the comforter as he collapses on top of me . i gasp for air , and drowsily wipe the hair out of my face as i feel him stir on top of me . he picks his head up and listens for a moment . `` they 're still not home . '' `` mm , guess not , '' i murmur rather incoherently .

`` good , '' he says with a wicked smile , and begins to kiss down the middle of my chest as he slides to his knees on the floor . `` nate , what are you-oh , god , '' i moan , as he takes a long lick of my slit . `` i ca n't wait until tonight to taste you again . it 's like i 'm addicted to this , to you . '' i close my eyes as he begins to flick his tongue across my clit . i thought i was completely worn out , but i 'm coming back to life shockingly quickly under his deft tongue . his hands pin my knees to the sides of the bed , stretching me wide open so that he has complete access and control . i feel his tongue dart in and out of me-a completely different sensation than when he uses his fingers . my back arches off the bed as he moves back to my clit , circling it relentlessly . i whimper as i feel waves of pleasure begin to reverberate through my body . my body wants to rock and shake , but nate 's hands pin me firmly to the bed , and his tongue keeps flicking across me . my energy has no choice but to be completely directed to the reaction he 's eliciting . for some reason , it 's when nate backs off slightly that my body rocks into a full-out orgasm , my back arching wildly off the bed , just the top of my head and my hips remaining in contact with the comforter . `` oh my god , '' i breathe as i relax down . i lift my head slightly and watch him lick his lips before lying down next to me on the bed and lazily flopping an arm over my waist . `` we should get dressed , '' he reminds me , kissing me quickly before jumping back up . where 's he getting all this energy ? i feel like i could sleep for days . `` do you think there will ever be a day when we can tell them ? '' i ask with a yawn as i sit up . he pauses for a moment as he pulls open a dresser drawer . `` i do n't know . let 's just keep it our secret for now . '' `` no , no , i was n't saying i- '' i break off as we both hear a car pulling up to the front of the house . i hurry over to the pile of my clothes and ball them up in my arms before running to the door . i call quietly over my shoulder as i dash naked down the hallway . as i shut my door behind me and begin pulling on my clothes , i wonder why nate was so quick to suggest that we keep it quiet . not that i want something different-for now , at least . but someday ... i mean , does he just envision keeping our relationship secret forever ? what kind of relationship would that be , anyway ? these kind of questions are what allison warned me about in the first place . it 's just ... fuck . what was once a far-off crush has become real for me . too real . and nate has said he has feelings for me , that i 'm different , but he has n't been any more specific than that . on my end , i do n't think this is a purely sexual infatuation . i 'm really falling for him . chapter twenty-three going to work this week and being away from nate during the day has felt like going through physical withdrawal . i really have to force myself to focus , because sometimes i find myself staring off into the distance , remembering what he did to me the previous night . i wish i could just go straight home at six today , but i promised allison i 'd go shopping with her . and there are actually a couple things i 'd like to pick up for myself . i meet her at the anthropologie in georgetown mall , and we start going through the sale racks as we catch up . while she 's not looking , i slip a couple sets of lingerie and sexy bras into my basket . i want to wear something a little sexy for nate , but i do n't want to face allison 's inevitable questions if she sees what i 've picked out . we eventually make our way to the changing rooms and begin trying on our choices . i quickly slip on the first matching set of bra and panties . i admire myself in the mirror . the lace is a pale violet , and not overtly sexy-it 's anthropologie , not victoria 's secret , after all . allison asks suddenly , pulling the curtain aside and stepping into the dressing room with me . she 's wearing a blue cotton dress and twirls for a second before she realizes what i 'm wearing . her eyebrows raise . `` whoa . '' `` allison , '' i groan , pulling one of the more substantial pieces of clothing off a hanger to cover myself . `` you know , i had a feeling something was different with you , '' she says , beginning to smile . and i was right . i always thought you two would make a good match . '' that 's not what you said . ''

`` yeah , i totally called it ! '' `` no , you completely warned me against the whole thing , '' i reply , confused and even slightly annoyed . `` wait , '' she says with a frown , `` who are you talking about ? '' `` who are you talking about ? '' `` greg , obviously ... '' `` oh , right . '' `` brynn ... '' `` what ? '' i ask innocently . `` if it 's not greg , who did you think i was talking about ? '' she asks , her eyes widening . `` it 's not important , ok ? '' i reply , blushing . `` brynn , no . please tell me it 's not nate . please . i mean , he 's your stepbrother . it 's ... it 's gross . '' `` thanks a lot , allison . not exactly what i needed to hear right now , '' i snap , turning my back to her to pull off the lingerie . `` um , maybe it 's exactly what you need to hear right now . i mean , what 's with you ? you 're ignoring a perfectly nice guy to go out with some jock like nate . '' `` well , first of all , it 's none of your business . second of all , you 're actually completely right about greg . he is 'perfectly nice . ' there 's no spark at all . zero . third of all , nate 's not 'some jock . ' he 's really smart , and kind , and funny . and with him ? sparks galore ! '' `` god , brynn , i 'm just trying to look out for you . you 're making some really bad decisions . '' i take a deep breath , not wanting to raise my voice in this public place . `` no , allison , you 're not trying to look out for me . what you 're doing is judging me . completely different . and i really do n't appreciate it . '' i finish pulling on my skirt and quickly slip my flats on as i grab my purse and walk quickly out of the dressing room . i walk straight out of the store and toward the elevator to the parking garage , my cheeks burning with anger , though i also feel a bit like crying . i 've never had a big fight like that with allison before , and i do n't like it . i freeze outside another store just as i 'm about to reach the elevators . victoria 's secret . my relationship with nate is n't `` gross . '' there 's nothing wrong with what we 're doing . if anything , my conversation with allison has made me want to lean into my relationship with nate , not out of it . i march in and straight to the raciest pieces i see . when i get home , i hear my mom and pierce laughing in the kitchen , and the tv from the den . i walk in there and smile in relief at the sight of nate with his feet up on the couch . he moves his legs over and i plop down . `` hi , '' i murmur with a smile . `` hi , '' he replies . i frown at him , and he reaches up to his shoulder , miming pulling at something . i stare at him for a moment before realizing he 's mirroring my own action of pulling at my hair . i sigh and drop my hand . `` it 's allison . we had an argument , '' i explain . `` she ... she found out . '' he cocks his head and then lets out a low whistle as he realizes what i mean . `` well , i suppose it 's not that bad . i mean , i always thought ... '' he lowers his voice , looking back toward the kitchen where our parents are still talking . `` i always thought that at school , we could be more open . no one really knows you 're my stepsister there . i mean , allison would have found out then anyway , right ? '' `` i guess so ... she just ... she called it 'gross . ' we 're not , are we ? '' `` well , i certainly do n't think there 's anything gross about you . '' `` it 's more than that , though . i feel like we 're drifting apart a little , '' i reveal , swallowing a ball of hurt in my throat . `` mm , '' he replies , considering . `` like me and jackson , sort of . well , maybe you wo n't be quite as close as you were , but there are still things you can enjoy about her . '' `` when 'd you get so wise ? '' i ask , nudging his feet next to me . `` since i started hanging out with you . you 're rubbing off on me . '' before i have time to consider whether he 's being serious or not , we hear my mom call , `` dinner ! '' from the kitchen , and are forced to put our conversation on hold .

pierce seems to be in an unusually good mood during the meal , for which i 'm grateful . not for his sake , but for nate 's , because he 's much less likely to snap at his son when he 's feeling jovial . `` well , we have n't made an official announcement , brynn , but thornhill and co. has just landed mark broadman as a client , '' he reveals eventually . `` the hedge fund billionaire ? '' he has several new holdings , and needs advice on some public policy matters . '' `` wow , that 's huge . congrats , dad , '' nate chimes in . pierce nods at him in a self-satisfied manner . `` i 'm glad it 's all-i 'm glad that 's happened , pierce , '' i correct myself . i almost referenced the scandal earlier this summer , but managed to change course . we never talk about it now , though i know that pierce was concerned that it would negatively impact his business . but landing such a big client is a good sign that people have moved on , and are on pierce 's side . after dinner , nate and i leave the dining room separately , while our parents remain there chatting . we always make a show of going our separate ways , to keep up appearances . i close my bedroom door knowing that he 'll come for me around midnight , as he has every night this past week . my body quivers with excitement just thinking about it . i consider writing an email to allison , but decide i want a little more time to think about what to say . i turn to my purse and pull out the bag from victoria 's secret that i stuffed to the bottom . i touch the black lace panties , a narrow diamond-shaped piece of fabric that just covers the essentials , with several thin strips , string , really , hooking around my hips and latching on to the back . the bra is conservative by contrast , though pretty with its chantilly lace-covered cups . i take a shower and then head downstairs for a cup of tea . i 'm taking a mug down from the top cupboard when i feel nate come up behind me . he wraps his hands around my waist and presses against me . `` nate , not here ! '' `` i know , i 'm sorry , '' he murmurs in my ear . `` i just want you all the time . '' `` i have a surprise for you tonight , '' i admit . he grinds his erection into my ass in response , his hands reaching under my shirt . `` you 're killing me , '' he moans , then sighs , and rests his head on mine before pulling away . `` see you soon . '' i lean against the counter as i hear him retreat , my skin tingling where he 's touched it . i know that sneaking around wo n't work forever , but for now , there 's something so hot about it . i take my decaf earl grey up to my room , and change into the lingerie as i drink it , carefully pulling out the tags . i sink into bed with a yawn , pulling the sheet up over me . these late night assignations , while i would n't give them up for anything , are wreaking havoc on my sleep schedule . the next thing i know , i 'm being woken up by someone sinking into bed next to me . i turn into the warmth of nate 's body and slowly open my eyes . `` sorry , should i just let you sleep ? '' he asks , kissing the top of my head . `` no way , '' i reply drowsily . `` you have to have your surprise . '' `` where is it ? '' he asks , looking around . i lift my arm and point down at my body . he grins , and pinches the top of the sheet in his fingers and begins to slowly pull it down . i bite my lip as i hear his sharp intake of breath as he reveals my bra . he pauses , looking up at my face . `` there 's more , '' i promise him . he keeps pulling the sheet down , and finally pulls it over the barely-there panties . he tosses the sheet at my feet and runs his hand from my knee up my inner thigh . `` what shall i do with you tonight , brynn ? '' he asks , eyeing my lingerie . `` whatever you want , '' i breathe . `` stand up , '' he says abruptly . i stand , and he eyes me up and down , licking his lips , then narrows his eyes . `` you have any high shoes ? '' `` you mean heels ? '' i ask , with a smile . `` put them on . '' i walk over to my closet and slip them on , then walk back . i ask , turning a little so he can see me from other angles . `` nothing could make you look any better than you already do , brynn . it was n't about your appearance , it was about your height . '' i frown at him in confusion .

`` come here , '' he says , walking over to the bedpost nearest to the door . i follow him . he takes me by the hips and moves me so that my back is pressed up against it . `` you remember what happened in this exact spot ? the first time i tried to kiss you , you denied me . '' `` i remember how much self-control it took . '' `` good answer . stay there . '' he walks over to my bureau and rummages around until he pulls out a couple of my old t-shirts and then walks back . `` close your eyes . '' i obey , and feel him wrap one of the shirts around my head , tying it in the back but slightly to the side , so that it does n't hit the bed post . as he steps back , i try to open my eyes to test the blindfold , and find i ca n't see anything . `` you trust me ? '' `` hands behind your back . grip the bedpost . '' i feel my insides clench as i obey , spreading my palms against the solid wood of the bed . a moment later , i feel the other t-shirt wrapping around both my wrists and the posts , holding me securely against it . `` pull against it . '' i try , but do n't get anywhere . i can sense him leaning in toward me , and feel the heat emanating from his body . `` brynn , tonight i 'm going to make you beg for it , understand ? '' i feel his warm breath against my cheek and squirm in anticipation against my bondage . `` i 'm going to deny you until you ca n't take it anymore . until you beg me . say that you understand . '' `` i understand . '' he 's barely touched me , and i can already feel how wet i am against my new panties . suddenly , i feel his fingertips on my arm , just above where the t-shirt is holding me to the bed . he trails his fingers lightly up my arm , barely touching me . my mouth drops open and i feel my heart rate speed up . his fingers continue across my clavicle , then down my other arm . as they make their way back up , i attempt to arch against him , but i ca n't . he stops for a moment , then continues , his touch leaving a burning trail across my body . his fingers run straight down my chest and over the middle of my bra . just as i think he 's going to skip my breasts entirely , he moves back up and barely grazes the tops of my breasts , just above the cups . i gasp as he makes contact , but he quickly moves away , running his fingers down to my ribcage , then across my stomach . they dip for a moment into my belly button , and i hope he 's going to continue down to my panties , but he skips them entirely , jumping down to the top of my thighs . he traces the length of one of my legs , then moves to the other . as his fingers reach the top of my left leg , he breaks off contact . i feel sweat collect on my palms , despite the coolness of my bedroom . where is he ? suddenly i feel his breath on my neck . then his tongue is inside my ear , taking a long , languid lick . i moan , and my hands grip the bedpost more tightly . i hear him click his tongue . `` brynn , we 've barely even started . '' i let my head fall back against the bedpost . how long is he going to torture me ? as if in response , his hand slides up my neck to my chin , holding my face in place . his lips press against mine , roughly opening my mouth to his tongue . then he steps into me , his legs spreading mine open , his arms wrapping tightly around my waist . the full contact is sweet relief , even if it does make me want him even more . his right hand glides over my ass and pulls me against his erection . my mouth is wide open to his , and our tongues massage each other 's . his other hand glides up my stomach and slips under my bra cup . i moan as i feel his calloused palm against my nipple . he pulls his mouth away quickly and leans his torso back . his fingers brush against the front of my bra for a moment , and then i feel his deft fingers unhook the front closure of my new bra . i feel my breasts spring out , and his thumbs brush against my nipples as he cups them in his hands . he begins to massage them more strongly , and suddenly i feel him sucking my right nipple into my mouth . he flicks his tongue across it as he sucks , then moves to my other side . `` i 'm ready , '' i moan . `` uh-uh , not yet , '' he replies , pulling my breast out of his mouth for a moment . then he begins to trail kisses down my stomach , pausing for a moment to circle his tongue in my belly button . i feel him graze his fingers across the narrow strips of fabric on the sides of my panties .

`` i like these very much , '' he murmurs . `` maybe we 'll try to keep these on . '' then he 's gone . i hear the sounds of what could be his shirt being pulled over his head , but i ca n't be sure . there 's silence for another minute , and i 'm suspended in this pool of pleasure where he 's left me , completely under his control . i gasp as i feel him blow a stream of warm breath against my panties and feel my body shake involuntarily . his hands run up my thighs and then under the sides of my underwear , and i know he must be kneeling in front of me . i feel him slowly dip one finger under the right side of my panties , pulling them away from my body and tucking them to the other side . he blows on me again , and now his breath hits my clit directly . `` spread your legs , '' he commands me quietly . i obey , inching myself out on my high heels . his tongue slides into my slit and i cry out . `` oh , nate , '' i moan , and he begins to flick his tongue back and forth across me . i unravel quickly , and he begins to speed up , circling his tongue rapidly . but just as i 'm on the brink , my body arching as much as it can , he slows down again . i whimper . he does n't stop completely , but he 's not going fast enough to bring me release . his right hand slips over my ass , under the fabric of my panties . i gasp as he slips one finger inside me . i 've never had anything back there . he circles it inside me , mirroring his actions with his tongue . once i get over my surprise at the foreign feeling , i find that i like it . on top of everything that he 's already done to me , and is still doing , it 's driving me right toward the edge again . i moan as he slips two fingers from his other hand inside my opening , making a beckoning motion against my g-spot . i feel a spasm begin to rip through my body , but he pulls his mouth away completely . my knees almost buckle at the empty feeling he 's left behind . `` nate ... '' i protest . he leans back in , flicking his tongue once , hard , over my clit . my body ripples in response . the pleasure has built up inside me to such an extent that being unable to let go of it feels painful . i need him to let me come . he answers innocently , and tortures me with another hard flick of his tongue , his fingers still circling slowly inside me . `` please ... '' the pleasure is overloading my brain , and i can barely think . `` i need you ... please . i need you inside me right now . please , i 'm begging you . i 'm begging you , nate . '' i almost faint with relief as he takes his fingers out of me and i hear the sound of a condom being ripped open . he steps into me and grabs one of my legs , wrapping it around his waist as he thrusts into me . i cry out at the contact . he drives in hard , slamming me against the bed post , and on just his second thrust , i feel my orgasm finally releasing through me as he presses into me again and again . his mouth covers mine as the last waves of pleasure crest over me . even though i 'm exhausted , i can feel that he 's still hard inside me . i feel him reach behind me , and realize that he 's unknotting the t-shirt around my hands . my arms drop to my sides , and he pulls out of me . i feel him taking my hips and turning me , then he presses one hand roughly down on my back and i realize he 's pressing my top half down onto the mattress . i turn my head to the side so i can breathe as he pulls my panties , still bunched to one side , to my ankles . his hand still holding me down , i feel him enter me from behind . even though i 'm spent from my first orgasm and all the build-up leading to it , i feel my body begin to respond again . i feel him slide his thumb into my ass and gasp . i never realized how many nerves endings were back there . `` brace yourself , '' he warns me , and begins to thrust harder into me . my fingers search for the edge of the bed and i 'm just able to grasp it as he drives in deeper than he ever has before . he plunges into me again and again , hitting my g-spot directly every time . a second orgasm takes me by surprise , as though it was lying dormant until he awoke it . my body arches and shakes as i feel him pull out of me and a wetness cover my back . as my body quiets , i hear him hurrying to the bathroom and then him rubbing a tissue on my back .

`` i 'm sorry , i do n't know why i did that , '' he murmurs . did what ? '' i mumble , reaching up to remove the makeshift blindfold from my eyes . `` i ... i came on you , '' he replies , halting his wiping motions to look me in the eye . `` nate ... it 's ok . it does n't bother me , '' i assure him . he asks , looking relieved . `` i 've never done that before , i just ... i just wanted to see it on you , or something . i 'm worried ... i worry i push you too far . '' `` i like what we do together , '' i reply , stretching my arms above my head . `` as far as i 'm concerned , we 're going to do a lot more , so you better get used to it . '' `` is that so ? '' he asks , with a smile . now clean me off . if we 're going to do this again tomorrow night , i need to get some sleep . '' chapter twenty-four the next day , thornhill and co. is abuzz with the official announcement of mark broadman becoming a new client . there 's talk that other high-profile investors could follow suit , including some of broadman 's contacts in silicon valley . apparently the tech crowd is quite interested in influencing public policy . i 'm just glad that everyone is in such a good mood , because it helps me fit in . my relationship with nate , not to mention our late night sessions , has me practically glowing . constance talks to me happily in our cubicle , the awkwardness of our first day of working together having finally melted away over the summer months . she swivels in her chair and raises her eyebrows at me as greg walks by , giving me a small wave . `` ok , what happened there ? '' she asks conspiratorially . `` it was nothing , '' i assure her , keeping my eyes on my computer , though i can see out of my periphery that she 's still looking at me . `` oh , come on . i wo n't tell . but it 's obvious ... i mean , for a couple weeks you guys were hanging out a bunch , and now he completely avoids you . '' `` we went on a couple dates , and then we decided to break it off . but please keep it between us , alright ? '' `` mmhm , '' constance murmurs , swiveling back around . she can sense , rightfully so , that i 'm not telling her the whole story . greg reacted as well as could be hoped when i told him i did n't want to go on any more dates with him . i blamed the office environment , and said i had extra pressure on me to be professional as the boss 's stepdaughter , but i think he saw through that excuse . at least he could never guess the real reason . now whenever i see him he 's polite but standoffish . i watch the corner of my screen , waiting to see if allison will send me a gchat message , but none arrives . i 'll give it a little more time , and then reach out to her . i do n't want to throw our whole friendship away over my relationship with nate-not that we do n't have some things to talk about . it 's not that i need her approval exactly , but i do need her to stop judging . `` lunch , '' constance says , nudging me . i stand up and see other people making their way to the big conference room . pierce has had lunch catered for the whole office to celebrate the new client . as we walk in , i notice that the temporary wall to the kitchen has been pulled back to make way for everyone . pierce and roderick , his business partner , stand by the buffet , happily talking with their employees . pierce smiles at me as constance and i make our way up to grab some plates . `` roderick , you 've met my stepdaughter brynn , right ? '' `` yes , good to see you again , brynn , '' roderick , a well-dressed man a bit younger than pierce says , then turns away to shake someone 's hand . pierce leans in . `` you look particularly beautiful today , brynn , '' he remarks . `` oh , thank you , pierce , '' i reply , a bit taken aback . constance and i stand around the conference room for a while talking to the other interns , everyone sharing their plans for once they get back to school , and the rising seniors , like me , discussing what we 'll do after we graduate . eventually the crowd begins to thin out , and constance and i each take a cupcake back to our cubicle . `` what 's that ? vanilla ? '' i peer at the frosting . `` i think so , though i heard there were some coconut- '' i break off as my desk phone rings .

i look at it in surprise for a second-no one ever calls me on it-then reach forward to pick it up . `` brynn speaking . '' `` brynn , it 's pierce . could you come into my office for a moment ? '' `` oh , sure , i 'll be right there . '' i hang up and stand . `` pierce , '' i explain to constance . `` probably wants to see if i 'll be home for dinner tonight . '' she nods , and i walk down the hallway to his corner office . `` he asked me to- '' i explain to his secretary , gwen . `` sure , go on in , '' she replies , waving me in . i knock softly as i open the door . he beckons me inside and indicates i should take a seat across from his desk . `` brynn , thanks for coming in , '' he says , standing and walking around his desk as he takes his reading glasses off and places them on his desktop calendar . i look at him curiously as he sits on the edge of his desk in front of me . `` i know that i 'm just your stepfather , but i hope that you know that you can always come to me with any ... difficulties . '' yes , thanks , '' i stumble , surprised by the direction of the conversation . he stands and begins to pace behind my chair . `` you 're a very beautiful young woman , and i hope that you can see me as a sort of protector . '' i feel him come up and stand behind the chair . i start as he brushes my hair to the side and i feel his fingers graze against my skin just above the fabric of my dress . `` i could n't help but notice this , '' he says . `` this bruise , '' he explains , still holding my hair to the side . `` oh . '' my mind races . i bet i got it last night when nate had me up against that bed post , and of course it 's not in the sort of position where i 'd see it . `` um , it 's nothing . it 's probably old , maybe from when i fell on that hike . '' `` i doubt it . i mean , how far does it extend ... '' i 'm horrified to feel him unzip the top of my dress , all the way down to my bra strap . he spreads his fingers across my back and a sickening feeling spreads through my body with them . `` brynn , you have such a beautiful body . you should n't be with someone who treats you with less respect than you deserve . '' his fingertips just touch the top of my bra strap . `` pierce ! '' i exclaim , and jump up . `` i really do n't think this is appropriate , '' i admonish him with as much confidence as i can muster , while reaching behind myself to pull my zipper up . `` brynn , i 'm just trying to look out for you . you clearly need a father figure in your life . '' `` i 'm just fine , thank you very much , '' i reply shortly , glaring at him as i manage to zip my dress . i march to the door , taking a deep breath to compose myself as i walk through the door . i walk right past my desk and into the bathroom , quickly locking myself inside a stall . i lower the toilet seat and sit down , pressing my hands onto my burning cheeks . i know pierce 's words were saying one thing , but his actions , his touch , were saying quite another . it just felt wrong . by the time i sit back down at my desk , i 'm already second-guessing myself . maybe i misread his behavior ; maybe he was just trying to look out for me , but he 's never had a daughter , so he did n't realize he was making me uncomfortable . `` you ok ? '' constance asks over her shoulder . `` i 'm fine , '' i reply , pushing my uneaten cupcake away . i 'm not hungry anymore . i manage to make it through the rest of the work day , though i know that i 'll just have to see pierce at home for dinner . as i drive home , i wonder if i should say i 'm sick or something so i 'll be able to just be by myself in my room . but as i walk in through the garage , my mom calls me into the kitchen . i carefully spread my hair over my neck to hide the bruises , then walk in . `` oh , brynn , honey , i 'm so glad you 're home . come look , '' she gushes , pulling me into the dining room . i see that she 's set it with fine china and crystal , and a massive vase of white lilies sits in the center . `` i thought i 'd do something a little special tonight to celebrate . what do you think ? '' `` looks great , mom , '' i reply half-heartedly .

if she notices my downtrodden mood , she does n't mention it , she just sweeps me back into the kitchen to show me the extravagant meal she 's spent the day preparing . when pierce comes home about half an hour later , he quickly enters his study , calling to us that he has to make a quick call . my mom asks me to carry the roasted duck out on a silver tray , and i acquiesce , knowing i 'd feel too guilty to fake sick when she 's spent so much time on the food . when i walk back into the kitchen , pierce is murmuring into my mom 's ear as she blushes , so i quickly back out again . i hear nate enter through the front door , and he walks into the dining room just as i 'm leaning on the back of my chair . `` hey , '' he says with a smile . `` i was thinking about you- '' he breaks off as my mom and pierce walk in . pierce brandishes a bottle of champagne and walks around filling up our crystal flutes . i step back to give him a wide berth , and then we all sit down as he finishes filling up his own glass . `` cheers , '' he says . i avoid his eye contact as we all clink our glasses . nate frowns at me slightly and i know he can tell there 's something up . oh god , i ca n't even think about talking to him later tonight . he can always tell when i 'm lying , so i do n't know what i 'm going to say . `` brynn , did you messenger those envelopes like i asked ? '' pierce says , turning to me . `` hm ? '' i ask , startled by his question . `` the envelopes . i wanted to double check because you 've seemed so distracted lately , and they 're quite important . '' i frown at him . what the hell ? `` you did n't ask me to messenger anything today , pierce . '' `` brynn , '' he sighs in a patronizing way , setting down his champagne glass . `` you did n't ! '' i reply , a little more defensively than i mean to . i glance at nate and see him raising his eyebrows at me . `` you know that i did . and it 's not like this is the first time this has happened , '' pierce counters . `` maybe we should- '' my mom breaks in . `` wait , no , '' i say to her , holding up my hand . `` i honestly do n't know what you 're talking about pierce . '' `` well , this clearly is n't the time to discuss it , but since you 're pressing me , i 've heard from some of your immediate superiors that you have n't been very responsible . '' like who ? when ? '' `` obviously i ca n't give you exact dates , and i need to protect their anonymity- '' `` wow . wow , '' i snap , tossing down my napkin . `` you are just making all this up , are n't you ? '' `` brynn , calm down , '' nate murmurs from across the table . `` calm down ? seriously ? he 's lying ! '' `` he has no reason to- '' nate argues . `` he damn well does . he called me into his office today and unzipped my dress , and i told him to back off , and now he 's pissed . '' `` you know that 's because i was worried about those bruises on your neck , brynn . do n't get hysterical . '' `` you 're a liar , '' i whisper . he slams his hand down on the table , causing me to jump . `` i will not be spoken to that way in my own house ! '' i glance back and forth at my mom and nate , speechless . are they really just going to sit there staring at me ? i stand up so abruptly that my chair almost falls over backward . i ca n't take being surrounded by this bullshit anymore . i walk quickly around the table and then out the front door , clenching my fists to try to contain my anger until i 'm outside . as i close the door behind me , i pick up my pace , walking straight down the driveway and out of the gates . the woods rise up quiet and dark around me as tears of frustration and humiliation begin to stream down my face . i do n't know where i 'm going-i just need to get away from that house . `` hey ! wait ! '' i hear a woman 's voice call out behind me , but i keep walking . `` you 're brynn , right ? '' i freeze and take a deep breath before turning around . `` look , if you 're a reporter or something , i 'm really not in the mood . '' i can just see her blonde hair reflect the moonlight as she takes a couple steps closer . `` i 'm not a reporter . i 'm nate 's mom , eileen . '' chapter twenty-five `` are ... are you alright ? '' she asks , taking another step toward me .