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Oguzz07

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I'm putting my extremely profoundly disabled 7 year old into a residential facility so I can forget he exists. I'm not sorry.

Take your other son to Disney or some other vacation for a week on the 30th.

I added Tabasco to Wendy’s chili and used it to get second place in a chili cook off.

Work smart not hard

Cop pulled me over and I called 911 and lied to get out of going to jail.

I once got out of a ticket because the cop got called to another scene... not my doing, but I was sure thankful!

I used to bully my disabled brother for years

I am disabled and able since birth. I am so happy to know you want to treat your brother better. I have been told by my mom more than once that she doesn't love me more because I am handicapped and she does not know how to love me more. She rubs it in my face every time she wants to hang out with my brother and sister who are not disabled. I have never been jealous of my siblings. I like that our mom loves them. I know it would break their hearts if they found out our mom loves them more than me. I will never tell them. I have never resented them or whatever. I don't say this to you to make you feel bad. I just wanted to show you my support, even though our situations are polar opposites. I am sure your brother loves you unconditionally and will accept your apology. He is lucky to have a brother who loves him. :) I hope this can be the beginning of a beautiful friendship between you and your brother. \*huge hug\* I am rooting for both you and your brother during this painful time.

I’ve stolen hundreds of dollars worth of water just by saying 5 words

I absolve you of your sins. Enjoy your water.

I thought I was a pretty good dad until I was tested

I worked nights back when my daughter was little. She was always very well behaved and when I'd sleep a little longer through the mornings she'd just watch her movies till I got up. One morning I woke up to her poking me in the face. I looked up and said "hey, what's up?" And she said "you didn't make me lunch!" I looked over at the clock and it was 2pm. "Oh damn, i'm sorry sweetie lemme get up". She looked at me with an angry smirk and said "You didn't make me breakfast either!"

I run a fake restaurant on a delivery app.

I think I probably ordered from you. So much shitty delivery food.

My little cousin cracked my iPhone XS Max screen. Made my aunt pay $329 knowing I have apple care and it only cost me $29

I mean it was still basically that much if you have to pay for apple care

I stole over $20,000 in a very creative way in the 90's

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I killed an elderly man in front of his wife and basically his entire family.

I am so surprised that woman had so much maturity to tell you that and hugged you. Classy.

I slept with my daughters ex boyfriend, he got me pregnant and I had an abortion. They got back together and got married.

And THIS is the reason I come here! God damn.

I overcharged over 5,000 people.

That's how the mafia works.

Found out my dead best friend was in love with my wife

He not only loved your wife. He loved you just as much.

I cheated to get my bachelors and my masters degree

The top student that our department had cheated her way through school and only took classes that her friends had taken (they had the exams). Cried to professors about how hard it was for her and got them to raise her grades. She is in all of our magazines, posters, and banners. If I sound salty is because I am

My Aunt hit my mother so I dragged her across the floor and punched her till she passed out

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Any post with Avengers:Endgame spoilers will result in a permanent ban

They all win because they all participated.

Whenever I see someone in an expensive car I purposely choose to not look at them so as not to inflate their ego.

I do the same with loud or revving engines. And loud music. A small "fuck you"

I gave a lactose intolerant customer dairy on purpose

Rule number one is you don’t fuck with the people who make your food.

I purposely go wash all the dishes at holiday dinners so I don’t have to talk to anyone

Because you're anti-social or because you don't like your family?

My 2 nephews are complete shitheads, so I get them gifts that are noticeably inferior to the gifts I give their cousins.

I am the oldest of 6. Last year I got all of my siblings great personal gifts except my little brother who had been a complete asshole all year so I got him a book entitled “How to not be an asshole”

Before I went to bed, I called my girlfriend with a low battery and told her I'll talk to her until my phone died. She began talking about the Bachelor and I pretended my phone died by hanging up.

Maybe she started to talk about the Bachelor because she knew you would hang up

After 13 years clean and 8 years of marriage, I did heroin 3 weeks ago and almost came close to fully relapsing.

Don’t give up. No cure to addiction and the goal is to learn how to live with it. Keeping a secret and trying to ignore cravings will just force you to relapse and hide. Don’t set yourself up.

I Lured a Homeless Woman to My House, Hoping To Fuck Her

Now that’s a confession

8 years ago I caused a UFO panic

This is amazing. Funnily enough, I wrote the article you cited. And today, I'm the sole reporter working the late shift at the same news organization. I just looked at our traffic and was like WTF? Why is this 8 year old UFO article suddenly buzzing? Cheers mate, I remember that day well. Created some fun out of what I recall was a slow news day.

I kept the display tablets at Target instead of destroying them

I would much rather hear that people like you are taking them home and using them , or, giving them to people who could use them - instead of throwing them away.

I faked my resume and now I'm in the shit..........

you're going to have to play it off, b.

I snooped on the CEO's email account and got myself unfired

Hell yes bro, that's how you fucking do it.

I just told someone I was too tired from day-drinking to hang out but it's actually because I had eight hotdogs today and I feel like I'm going to die.

No one wants to admit eating nine cans of ravioli

I give my 3 year old son counterfeit fast food

this is brilliant.

When I was younger I saw a lady drop 100 dollars, I picked it up and used all of it on Yu-GI-Oh cards right in front of her

I once found 10 dollars on the floor in GameStop, I left it there as I assume it was someone’s else’s and I didn’t want to steal. When I went to pay for my game I noticed I was 10 dollars short. I connected the dots and those 10 dollars on the floor where mine to begin with. I went back and they were gone. I had to go back to my dad and tell him I lost part of the money he gave me. he screamed and shit but went and bought the game for me.

I found my Brothers suicide note on Reddit and didn't tell anyone.

I got halfway through your post before realizing he is still alive.

I work in a bakery

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For three years, I switched my partner's tea in the morning because I couldn't deal with his fake snobbery.

I can feel the Britishness in this post

I took a shit in my roommates $300 Uggs because he had sex with my boyfriend on my bed when I was in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt

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When I was in middle school my friend (J) told me that he liked a girl (L). L then told me the next day that she liked J. But they both told me not to tell anyone. So I didn't. Lmao

True neutral

When I nannied I would read the journal of the mom.

That is sad.

I lied to a blind neighbor and told him I moved away

I bet he could smell you and knew

I call fake orders in to a pizza place to get free pizzas.

This reminds me of when I worked at a pizza place. The owner was a cool guy and joked around a lot. A co-worker's grandpa ordered pizza one night and never showed. The co-worker came in for work the next day, and the owner said some joke along the lines of, "Amanda, tell your grandpa thanks for not picking his pizza up last night. It was *DELICIOUS!* Her response: "My grandpa died last night." Her grandpa pulled over having a heart attack on his way to pick up the pizza and died in his car. It was innocent because he had no way to know, but pretty shitty time to joke about a no-show.

I plagiarised my entire dissertation and I got caught.

Hey, I cant speak for your friends but I am a mom, so here is my mom perspective, since I sense your parents and I share the same thinking. I wouldn't want my son carrying this weight on his own. Will I be disappointed? Sure I will, but I carried my boy under my heart for 9 months and if I were to know he carried this secret on his own for so long I would be heartsick. I would want to support him, and listen to him and just hug him the fuck so tight because people make mistakes, but these are the ones you learn from. I would want to make him tea and carefully discuss the way forward and how to manage the outcome, and perhaps getting him therapy because I sense more than just a feeling of being helpless.

I stole my friend's folder in 3rd grade, and looking back I deserved to get sent to a mental hospital for what I did.

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I intentionally ask women well above the legal age limit(alcohol) to show me their ID

I remember back when i worked as a cashier my manager said i have to ID everyone. She then informed me old ladies will find it flattering.

I gave my friend a fatal dose of heroin and it still haunts me

I gave my friend the number of my connect and he got high and hanged himself that hight. It still haunts me. But I am trying to make living amends. You're doing the same thing by staying sober. That's all you can do. 💜

When I was 16, I used to mow the lawn for extra cash and I realised that if raised the mower to the highest level, it cut less grass and allowed me to mow twice as much. I was mowing three times a week at one stage and my dad just thought he had overly fertile lawn.

My parents had one of those manual push mower things when we were kids... i applaud your brilliance and envy your childhood.

I make copies of other people’s keys for personal use

It’s a dangerous game, which you obviously know, so why do you still play it?

I used to work at a fast food restaurant that gave out lollipops in its kids meals. Whenever two meals were ordered, I'd put two lollies in one of the meals, and only one in the other, just to imagine the issues it would cause between the two kids.

Now THIS is why I follow this sub

I stole my dads car at night to lose my virginity to a chick i had never met.

Now this.. this is a confession!

I made my brother think he has alopecia for the last fifteen years.

LOL he has probably given other alopecia sufferers lots of false hope over the years, telling them how great that special shampoo worked for him.

I shit on my neighbors door step

That last line really got me.

I am accidentally my son’s ghostwriter.

Same thing happened to me from the other side. My parent wrote a research paper to help me out. I was shocked when the teacher had me stand up in class and read *my* paper as an example of what all students should be doing. I felt like a total fraud.

I lie about having my university degree and it got me a great job

You should probably stay at that job your entire career. There would be a huge risk of getting caught if you applied for a different company now.

When I was a server I threw a customers phone into a trash compactor

I would have done the same exact thing

I pretended I was selling something on Craigslist and got two strangers to meet awkwardly

Was anyone else hoping that the end of the story would go ...

When I was in high school, I attached clear packing tape to a dollar and put it into a vending machine. Right before the dollar went all the way in, I would pull it out, which allowed me to get a soda and 50 cents change.

Remorse is sodapressing.

After my bike was locked by campus police for being illegally parked, I damaged property to get my bike free and get out of a ticket

Stopped by a local college to pop into the bookstore to buy a present from my cousin who had just graduated high school and would be attending there in the fall. Get back to my car to find a ticket, for not parking in the designated for students area and for not having a permit sticker.

Our first daughter was raped at 14 and we raised the baby as our own child. Our first daughter committed suicide and we carried on raising the baby. My grandchild thinks we're her parents and I cant bring myself to tell her the truth even now

Please seek a trusted therapist so that you can talk through your options and have support. You two are both incredibly strong and kind people, don't forget to be kind to yourselves too

I lied about my height for most of high school

I am a part of a very tall family where all men over 18 are above 6 foot with one notable exception: my uncle who claims to be 6 foot even though we all know he is 5'10".

I stole $40 from my mom to buy a can of Pringles

Lol 40 dollars for Pringles

I canceled my boss's birthday party at the last minute

You should have called back a few minutes later to setup another reservation with approximately the same amount of people for 15 minutes after. That way, they would be too booked when they got there.

I destroyed my work project, and I hope I get fired

Good on you, OP! I hope that you find a job that values your commitment, loyalty, and astute problem solving skills, and that you shit in that mustard before giving the asshat another deli sandwich. Also, see if that other manager will discreetly give you a good reference!

I anonymously put my friends phone number on a gay Craigslist add

I can't do that b/c my friend is gay and this would bring him pleasure

I eat fries out of the bag on the drive home and then take the one which have the most left for myself.

You're just taking what you're owed for being the one to go pick it up. It's your delivery fee.

I’ve been high for over a year

Make sure to take a tolerance break once a while so it’ll take less for you to get high therefore saving you money in the long run

I made my school believe they broke my iPad and made them buy me a new one.

in my school they actually broke my phone but they just told me to fuck off and that it was my fault because I shouldnt have brought it to school to beging with

I once skunked a bottle of wine given to a bullying manager on my team then gave it to her

Good thing the company realized how toxic she was. Shitty managers are bad for everyone.

I (25M) had sex for money with people ( Males and females) for money for an entire year to pay for my rent and my thyroïd operation.

Are you bisexual? Or did you force yourself to have sex with both sexes?

At my first job, I accidentally took the key to the storage room home with me in my shirt pocket. I didn’t even realize I was the one who took it until after they busted the door down and replaced the lock! I actually helped look for it lmao! I never told anyone and still have the key to this day.

I did that once and they had to get the lock replaced. I never said a word lol

I used to work in a shoe shop and deliberately sold a customers shoes whilst she was trying on shoes, just to make her buy a new pair.

I would rather do almost any other job than that

I sold sodas in high school after a ban of soft drinks was put into place to pay for senior fees. I ratted out my compettition.

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I won my sister her only hs scholarship

She should have given you at least half of the prize.. You're a good person for helping her by the way!!

i purposely left keys i knew that my boss needed in her locked office to show how dumb it is to have one entire set of keys for three different restaurants and kitchens

If you don't trust any of your employees to hold a set of keys, that is a problem in itself

When I was a kid I would wipe my ass with towels that were hanging up.

“Why does EVERYONE in this house keep getting pink eye??”

When I'm constipated I envision myself as a chicken who must lay an egg so a poor farmer can eat breakfast.

Top 5 favorite confession. Lmao holy shit.

I pretended to be the merch guy at a concert so I could steal t-shirts.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir Merch is hard to come by...

[No Regrets] After a briefly successful suicide attempt 8 months ago, I visited the bathroom I died in and words cannot express how grateful I am to be alive right now.

Congratulations Op, glad you got a second chance at life

I kicked a kid in his balls and he had to have one removed.

Holy f*ck! The size of a tennis ball?! You must have kicked faster than the speed of light!

I trash my coworkers mugs and dishes when they leave it soaking in the community sink.

I hope the janitor doesn’t get blamed for throwing things away...

I met my current boyfriend by slipping him my number while he was on a date with someone else and I was their server.

I don’t know how I’d feel if I was in the other girl’s shoe. Would’ve hurt me quite bad if I was into him.

For every written exam in college political science, I spent the 90 minutes doodling and wiring nonsense only to get up and return the pre-written bluebook copied from my friend who took the class the previous semester.... I got a B. he got a C.

My professor had us turn in the blue books before exams you lucky prick

I always thank Siri and Alexa because I feel bad bossing them around and also I want the AIs to remember my kindness once the robot uprising is upon us.

By posting this online you are letting them know that your kindness is not sincere. You will not be spared.

I conspired with our local brewpub to stop selling my husband growlers of IPA because the beer made him smell so bad.

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I ended a girl’s gymnastics career when I karate kicked a door open and broke her toe

"I'm about to end this girl's whole career"

I stole and used my college roommate’s fleshlight, then threw it out

He knew you took it. Also if he really bought it as a joke and was never going to use it, don't you think he noticed it was gone a little fast?

I sent a prostitute to my boss' hotel room

Lol the lady said “white man sent me” and he knew

I stole a microwave from Walmart out of desperation

I was coming here to say, how in the hell did you sneak out of Walmart with a microwave? Like that doesn’t fit down your pants mate. Receipt was a solid play.

I lied about completing a project in the 8th grade and passed anyway.

Anyone else read the title as “passed away”?

I secretly changed our bed

what if she found out, flipped the bed again and you are the one that hasn't realized yet.

My favourite thing working as a window washer was going through peoples private possessions.

It's weird to me that people just let a random stranger into their house when they weren't there. I always thought of window washers as people who only wash the outside of big buildings. If it's someone's home why don't the people living there just wash the inside themselves?

I recorded a porno over my aunt’s wedding video

It’s like a Tarantino movie. First you see Cindy getting ready to start her new life and family. Then it cuts to future Cindy and shows all the things she has to do to make it in the corporate world. Getting that promotion is key...Darrel just lost his job and little Suzzie needs braces that aren’t covered by insurance. Then it cuts back to happier and simpler times, to show what she’s putting her boss’ dick in her mouth for.

I yelled at my grandpa who is suffering from dementia, now it's the last memory he had of me

He would have forgiven you. It's not just the one moment in life that counts its the whole life experiencethat counts, and you don't get to his age without realising that we all have ups and downs. Go easy on yourself kiddo, he clearly loved you and you love him and fuck anything else, don't let that get in the way. Please forgive yourself.

I used to go into random homes in my neighborhood when the occupants weren't home.

I find it funny how you wanted to fuck with people but sort of respected their boundaries at the same time

I entered a strangers house to avoid a DUI

The amount of luck here is staggering.

I asked an Asian guy for more Kimchi at a Korean barbecue. Turns out, he didn't work there, and I'm just racist.

There, there. This will be one of those 3am brain-won’t-stop-replaying-my-worst-moments memories, so the next time you’re in this scenario, you’ll probably remember.

Indirectly Broke a dryer at a laundromat then gave a fake name and number to the owner

That’s why he has insurance and unless you did it on purpose I don’t think he has any legal ground regardless. I don’t know though. Either way I sure as shit don’t blame you.

I sold fake drugs

Sell them vitamin E pills, tell them exactly what it is, but emphasize the 'E' and wink at them.

I Almost strangled my mother to death when I was 15

You know what, stories like this always make me wonder why having mental illness or trouble is characterized as being weak. You went through so much. You pushed so hard. You're stronger than me and everyone else I know. Thank you for still being here today.

I used to steal coffee from Starbucks.

I would think they’d catch on at some point

Sometimes I make it extra cold in my room at night so my boyfriend and cat snuggle extra close to me

Except my wife will, inevitably, reach up under my shirt with her icicles that she calls fingers. I, unfortunately, am a furnace, so am always giving off radiant heat (even the cats seem to know).

I shoplifted over $6,000 worth of clothing in one stint.

At first I was gonna make a joke like “did you take a single sock from supreme?” Or something when I saw the title

I stole thousands of dollars in change over 2 years working at McDonalds

There's a girl working the cash register at chipotle that always shortchanges me and then acts stupid when I correct her. I think she's running the same racket as OP.

This is not /r/doingnicethingswhilenobodyislooking

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