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Oguzz07

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i put fish tank water in her coffee maker

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Kid crying over a lego set he wasn’t allowed to buy, so I bought it in front of him, for myself.

Honestly, that’s a good mom.

I flooded a hotel washroom with my shit.

Now that’s a story. Good thing you hauled ass before your stall mates came out. Lol

I beat up a kid because he kicked my elderly dog.

Just recently I had a guy AT AN OFF LEASH DOG BEACH repeatedly swing a branch at my dog and abuse me. If it weren’t for his young children being there with him I think I would’ve been looking at a pretty serious assault charge tbh.

My brother talked me into stealing $300 worth of game cards for him.

Excuse me what? The cards aren’t supposed to work until scanned

When I was 10, I insulted a random lady on the phone and... totally got away with it.

Wait until you are 30 and tell your mom. Best prank

I burned a part of my apartment building because I didn't put out my cigarette.

A friend in college died in a house fire that was linked to a still-lit cigarette butt on the porch

I had to steal my family's VHS after a porn movie got stuck in it.

What I took from your story is how hilariously literal porn names were back then, "fuck my wife II."

Kept all the chocolate I sold to my neighbors and ate it myself.

I was mugged in NYC when I was in 5th grade selling that fucking chocolate.

I upvote all my son's Reddit posts and he doesn't know I know his username.

Thousands of redditors currently analyzing their post history, imagining a parent reading everything they’ve written.

I broke a girl's phone for bullying me in seventh grade, and got away with it

In 7th grade we went to a small amusement park for a class trip. A boy I didn’t want to sit with, sat with me on the bus anyways. He was part of the “popular” crowd and just overall super obnoxious. I had on a bathing suit top under a tank top and he decided to take a picture of my chest (fully clothed but still). I took his flip phone and snapped it clean in half right in front of him. Felt really good and luckily didn’t get in trouble because he was too afraid of himself getting into even more trouble.

I beat up a guy and my life was almost completely ruined.

What happened with Steve though? Did he ever got the degree? Is he still single and sad? I kinda feel bad he got stabbed and robbed lol.

I missed a whole day of work because I stayed in bed trying to resume a dream I was having where I had a small chance of getting laid. That's how infrequently I have sex.

Well honestly that's pretty rip

I just learned that a Wolverine is a real animal. I’m 28 years old.

Don't feel bad. Until last month my wife thought a wolverine was a female wolf.

I stole a pizza from Little Caesar's

It's 1 pizza bro. Galaxies are spinning around endless blackness and stars are being born in dusty endless radiation wombs. Don't worry about it.

I intentionally broke the work computer so my boss would get a better one.

Would be funny if he gets it repaired, but for your sake i hope he will buy a new one.

I Steal Food From The Grocery Store Where I Work That They Make Us Throw Away

dont feel bad, what youre doing is perfeclty moral in my opinion.

I slapped someone across the face and blamed it on a tic...

I knew someone in high school who had Tourette's and I also suspected he faked some of his tics to do some fucked up shit without repercussions.

When I was 12, I blamed my mom’s broken laptop on my 2 year old brother.

Fuck You ~Yanick

I stabbed my classmate in 4th grade but got away with it because she lied when was asked about it

She’s a champ for not telling on you, she knew what she did was wrong, so i would say she also felt bad. I find it weird you can’t apoligise now? It’s clearly a long time ago, but for your sake, you should get closure

I pretend to be interested in middle aged women during interviews and on the job

My boyfriend is quite handsome and very sweet, and the way older women treated him while he was working in an office was nothing short of creepy on many occasions. A lot of the comments they made would have never been tolerated had they been made by a male (to a female), but since it was a bunch of 35-60 year old women making sexual innuendos to a 21-yr old boy it was all considered good fun. I say good on you for working it to your advantage in a harmless way.

I shoplifted at the grocery store out of sheer hunger and desperation.

This is the modern plot of Les Mis. I pray your story ends well. And without your own Javert.

I installed teamviewer on our class’ computer and played porn videos when my classmates were in the middle of their presentation

That’s sexists, girls watch porn... I think.

I was the school phantom shitter

Someone did this In a kids backpack at my school

Jumped the queue, mistaken for a disabled child.

This made my morning hahah! Your dad is the best. Teaching you how to run a scam and lie at 10? He was ahead of the curb 😂

I volunteered to do my aunt/uncles laundry to take money out of their pockets

In my house, that’s the rule. If you do the laundry, you get to keep the money in the dryer. Like a little incentive to do the laundry.

I stole a pregnancy test bc I couldn’t afford one today.

For next time- The dollar store tests have always worked for me. They were more accurate than the supermarket ones.

I got mad that i was falsely accused of talking in 4th grade so i put a pushpin on the timeout chair...

" i hear a “AHHHUUGGGH” coming from my classroom. Almost sounded like Arnold Shwartzeneggar moaning."

I staged a robbery to steal from the store where I work

How much, just curious?

My ex hated visiting my family. So, when I'd visit them for the weekend and he wouldn't come, I'd give our dogs boiled eggs so their farts smelled up the apartment all weekend.

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Illegally served beer

I really hope you don’t lose any sleep over this lmao. I did this every night in HS when I worked at an Outback. I’m surprised someone actually cared enough to complain.

I've been stuffing dryer lint in my friends socks for years

I wonder if he ever stops to question why a single sock from every load of laundry he does ends up with a full load's worth of lint in it.

I stole my friends gengar in pokemon the day before he moved.

Team Rocket’s blasting off agaaaaaiiiiinnnnn!

I ended my ex-bestfirend's career, ruining her life.

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I pooed on the floor at McDonald's bathroom then left it.

Sounds like you ordered a #2.

I put bleach in the laundry during basic training and gave my platoon tie-dye T-shirts

Honestly probably is better that you didn’t say anything it could’ve made your Basic training a whole of lot worse if they started targeting you for the mistake.

I stole from the school store when I was in 4th grade

Chaotic Petty. I would do the same damn thing

i’ve spent close to $2000 dollars of my parents money on league

Holy fuck. You must have literally every champ and skin in the game.

When I was in highschool I catfished a guy I hated and found out he was into furry/bestiality porn

So I have a friend who went to high school in a tiny town in the Midwest. There was a guy at his school that everyone refers to as “goat boy” because his sister walked into their barn one night to discover him screwing a goat. A GOAT. And worse? The goats legs were in the guys boots so it couldn’t get away which probably means it wasn’t the first time. So gross. So cringey. Apparently no one liked him and even some of the teachers called him goat boy.

It wasn't my brothers who googled the boobies, 't was me

Reminds me of when I tried to look up "fagina" in my elementary school dictionary. I didn't find it!

I haven’t went to any of my college classes or done any of the work for them since the start of the semester but I’ve been telling my parents I have.

Most colleges have mental health services. Talk to them. After that, talk to your parents. It's worse to avoid it. You can turn it around more easily than you think, but it is hard to see that sometimes. Good luck.

I convinced a kid to pull the fire alarm and got him suspended.

My sister was in elementary school and jokingly put her hand in the fire alarm and pretended like she was going to pull it, and the person in line next to her freaked and tried to smack her arm away, but only smacked it downand activated the fire alarm.

In 4th grade, I told my friend about my mom’s affair and then accused her of lying and making it up

I’m sorry but fuck your mom for putting you in that situation by asking if it was you. She knew she was caught, what difference would it have made if her own child was the one telling people?

My drug use finally caused me to lose my friends, my family, and, most likely, my job. And I deserve it all.

Interesting read. I understand the thoughts of suicide and your depression/anxiety, but as a sufferer of the same things I can tell you that despite what you've lost due to your drug abuse, nothing is stopping you from taking the steps to bounce back. Seek therapy and/or rehab, a new job, getting back on your feet and the right people will find their way back into your life. That would be one hell of a success story if you ask me. :)

I accidentally had a sexting relationship with my brother on here.... then kept doing it even after I found out.

Now that's the kind of fucked up shit I came here for

I have, for the past 2.5 years, been hiding printed photographs of Academy Award winning actor Nicholas Cage throughout my office.

Nintendo is objectively gay

I stole a final exam in 10th grade and sent pictures of it to everyone who took the class. Another kid had the same idea. He got caught and expelled, and I got away with it.

I stole an eyeliner from the drugstore in 10th grade. Another girl had the same idea. She got caught and arrested, and I got away with it.

When i was 15 i pushed my father down the stairs while in a fight

Did you ever talk to him about it?

I was dishonest to my client and made them pay me for what I could have prevented.

Every print place I’ve ever used said they take no responsibility for the content of the printwork. They print whatever is on the file. I wouldn’t feel too bad because you can know that the client would’ve had the same trouble elsewhere.

I used to bully kids for being gay in high school, while I was secretly having gay sex and was HIV positive. I lied and said I had tried heroin to cover up the fact that I got HIV from gay sex.

My boyfriend in high school had a bully. He was bullied for being a femme gay guy. When we went to college, we spotted his bully in a gay club. We picked him up and fucked the hell out of him... It's been 20+ years, but it made me realize something about the bullies who hated gay kids...

I caused the house fire which killed my brother 5 years ago

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I steal a lot of stuff.

Dude i was the same way, it was a lot of fun, i was very skilled at it. But all it takes is some bored ass security guard to sit behind the cameras profiling people and watching their every move. I got caught this way, the dude literally said he just picks younger people and watches them the whole time they are there and he regularly catches people. It went on my permanent record and it took me thousands and thousands of dollars and many court appearances and a ton of hours of community service to get my recorded cleared. Seriously, i really recommend trying to stop, I you’ll get caught eventually and you’ll pay for all that stuff in the end. It really was not fun.

When I was a young child I helped my Mom hide her cheating from my Dad and I've lived with the guilt ever since I realized what I did.

TBH, I think the dad knew after your brother told him about these encounters. There is really no reason for a kid to make stuff like that up. If I was the dad in this situation, I’d simply won’t push and interrogate the kids. Probably your parents talked and just moved on. Affairs happen. Not every affair ends in divorce.

I pretended my dad had a heart attack to get out of a work contract early and still get my bonus for completing it.

Meh I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it to be honest.

When I was 14 in high school I stole this girls diary and read stuff she wrote about me.

I think you learned a really valuable lesson here that you’re clearly still carrying with you today. Good for you.

I shoplifted and got caught, and I had to pay a fine

I’m laughing omg this was the pettiest of crimes and everyone’s so mad, meanwhile I once saw someone post on here that they once attempted murder and folks were all “glad you learned your lesson, everyone makes mistakes”

I hate it that I'm the one who's always asking about people and making conversation but nobody ever cares to ask me about my life

This happens to me, too. I don't know if it's just in my head or I'm just an idiot or what.

I faked having my right hand burned in middle school so I wouldn't be made to write in class nor do any homework FOR A MONTH

I have always been naturally super pale. In elementary school, any time I felt like going home, I would just say I'm sick and they would always say "you do look really pale" it worked every time

I am an A-List celebrity who hates it. The only reason I haven't killed myself is my kids.

Retire and nobody is going to care about you in a couple of years. Delete all your social media and move to some remote location. If you are as famous as you say, you should have the money to support your family for the rest of their life's.

I have a great job, my mom adores me for all the help I give her, I crochet scarfs for the homeless. No one knows that I am an over the counter drug addict. Not even my therapist.

The dangerous thing about a dependency on most over the counter sleeping pills is that you may eventually not be able to sleep without them. Additionally, please make sure you aren't taking the kind with acetaminophen or ibuprofen, because you could be damaging your liver and kidneys that way. I know you don't want to stop, so at this point, you should look into risk-minimizing so that you don't permanently harm yourself. Even if you don't love life and don't particularly want to continue with it, I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that it sounds like your mom and brother legitimately need you, and if you love them as much as you say you do, you'll keep on keeping on until you start seeing in yourself what they see in you.

I bullied someone who was just asking if i was okay

As someone who was bullied, trust me, it will mean the world to him if you apologised and admitted it was you who was a dick.

I often used to go to the lost and found and stole cloths because I was poor.

I work at a school and 90% of items in lost and found are never picked up. We donate everything that is left at the end of each school year. I wouldn’t feel bad. You did what you needed to do to survive.

Reddit thanked me for not using AdBlock. I forgot AdBlock was a thing, and promptly installed AdBlock. Thanks Reddit.

If you haven't looked into "Ublock Origin" - I would highly recommend that as an alternative.

Only my doctor knows I was a heroin addict for 3 years.

Thank you for all your comments. I have been sitting here for a bit reading everyone of them. Crying and feeling very grateful that you all took the time to say something. I really appreciate it. Thank you!

I was involved in a drug scheme at my high school and let my best friend take the blow.

Don't worry, Issac learned what it really means to have "friends" after this incident I guarantee you

I was a janitor and lived rent-free in the janitors closet.

Every 80's movie ever

I stole my dead sister’s money from a drawer in my dad’s room.

She would have wanted you to have it

I got a classmate kicked out of an elementary school concert

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I stole from my therapist ​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​​​​​

She knows

I am 24 hours clean off heroin, but a couple weeks ago I picked up a 2 year chip in AA

Tomorrow's probably gonna suck but please stick with it. You've done it before so you can do it again!!!

I set my alarm at 2 AM just so I can fall asleep again feeling that it's not yet time to wake up

Once I'm up, I'm up. This would backfire horribly.

I had sex with a famous musician when I was 16 and I hate myself for it

It's not sex. It's rape. Sexual assault. They took advantage of a teenager. It wasn't your fault, you were young and scared. Stay strong, that experience does not define who you are. You're so much more than that. You are strong for surviving, and for letting it out. It takes so much to tell your story, the memories is traumatic. But you're stronger than you think.

I used to steal food from the school cafeteria because I didn’t have food at home

There are lots of stories like yours. Morally you feel like you’ve done something bad but a lot of the people who work in those cafeterias look the other way on purpose

I laughed when a salesperson told me his son is severely disabled.

Shit happens. You didn’t mean it intentionally

I fooled my proffesor that he miscalculated my score by showing him the previous test

In high school I was super nice to my teachers and would always get my work done, especially in my art classes. One time though there was an entire project I didn’t do for my photography class, can’t remember why. But my teacher for some crazy reason not only gave me credit for doing the assignment, she gave me 110%. Extra credit somehow.

I making my daughter move out of the house because she's acting like a prostitute.

It's your house, your rules. I would never repeatedly bring strangers into either of my parents homes like that. She is treating you like a roommate but obviously has no respect for you. I'd be embarrassed if I acted that way in front of anyone let alone my parents. Granted I don't live with them anymore and haven't in almost ten years. Your thoughts are justified. Just because she's your kid doesn't mean she can make her own rules about etiquette in your home. It's her life and she can do what she wants, but this is crossing the line. Kick her ass out.

I refused to pick up a passenger outside of a strip club

Always good to follow your gut.

Sometimes I ask my parents for help with something I don’t actually need help with just so they’ll still feel like I need them.

This is really sweet. You are a good one.

I reached out to the girl I bullied in school and apologized, and she forgave me.

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I graduated from college and cheated in (almost) everything

My roommate literally cheated his way through an engineering degree. He wasn’t very bright but was really social and latched onto a kid that wasn’t really social but was really bright. Basically became friends with the guy, brought him around to parties and cheated off all his homework.

I irritated a furry porn site off the internet.

Carefully, he’s a hero

I poop with my blinds wide open so the douchebag lawyer next door can see in. I attempt to make direct eye contact while doing so as it is my way of establishing dominance.

Interesting that it makes you feel dominant. If I were to see someone do that I’d forever see them as a smelly caveperson

I Have a Severe Drug Problem that Nobody Knows About

check in to rehab.. you're not alone

I’ve been tricking my friends into thinking they’re getting high, but I actually give them cannabis with very little THC.

It's a very different high, but it still has effects, it's not only placebo. They probably like the relaxing feeling. https://www.leafly.com/sativa/charlottes-web (check in Effects, "relaxing" is maxed out)

I use to pocket the cash payments for the $5 footlong

I loved working at subway cuz hey, free lunch!

I was a racist for a large portion of my teen life

The fact that you’re able to move on beyond your racist views and take accountability is huge... and rare. Best of luck!

I hacked my bully’s typing account

*hacker voice*

I used graffiti art to make sure my ex had to think about me every day

this would be a good movie plot honestly.

I cut my insulin cord and could’ve been hospitalized a few times...

Hey! I also have type 1 diabeeetus

I used to scam people, by pretending to raise money for kids in Africa

I gave some shady dude 5€ as he was approaching me with a pen and notepad collecting signatures and cash for poor children.

I took a picture of my dead dad

It's ok. If it gives you closure then by all means, keep it.

I Tried to prove a point and killed a bird

I think a middle schooler would've gone for that fry too.

I corrupted a file meant for my history project so I could get extra time

>My descent into a life of crime begins now I guess.

Groped an old man at our church.

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I stabbed a man, in court said it was an accident, got out of charges it was not an accident.

Don't do it again at least?

[Remorse] I called campus police on a party I wasn't invited to

Don't really sound like friends.

When I was a kid, I "waved" a car to go, and caused an accident

A grown man shouldn't be relying on a kid for driving instruction.

I plagiarized my English paper, passed and now it will haunt me forever.

Just imagine he DID know that you copied and he would bring it up out of pettiness just to make you remember it every single time

I stopped dating a guy because of his muslim faith.

Honestly I don’t see any reason to be conflicted here. You can end any relationship you want for whatever reason you want. It sounds like this was far more trouble than it was worth. I don’t see anything to feel guilty over. Even yelling at him. Honestly I think he probably got off light. Find someone who respects you enough not to let his family degrade you right to your face. That’s not okay for an adult to do and I don’t care who his parents are.

I didn't pay federal income tax from 2003 to 2012

Irs enters chat