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my doctor think that sertaline is better for anxiety but my fatigue specialist insists that citalopram is anyone with real life experience of either or both happy to share their opinion thanks

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must be depression fr

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this ha ruined my life the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my baby boy his mother manipulates me she s emotionally abusive and i don t know how to stand up to her i can t i m so afraid she ll take him away from me i can t keep doing this and i can t kill myself but i think i will i think he ll be better off without me i m a mess my finance are a mess my emotion i can barely take care of my own thing i m in so much turmoil i constantly fantasize about offing myself and every few day i sit there with a gun to my head and i just can t do it i think of my boy and then the pain is worse fyi we were engaged and shit fell apart for good last year october we still live together because we have a lease on a house and housing right now is a bitch nothing available so i m trapped here

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i am no job no career suffering from severe depression and anxiety for year therapy med nothing help suffered emotionaly since teenage now m here all alone no one close totally done with life and thinking to end it thank u for reading

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endearingevania i sure wish i could go with you guy tmrw but a per usual school interferes

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bed is painfully tempting right now but if i take a nap i ll probably wake up at pm

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just called out of work today i m feeling like i let everyone down which i know isn t the case at least i recognize the anxiety

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i don t feel like myself anymore and i don t think i can be fixed not a day go by where i wish i didn t wake up again i don t know what s wrong and i ve been trying so hard to be better i just can t do it anymore i m so sorry

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i live in my bedroom weekend burn by fast with me playing video game i bought a new car but lack will to learn how to get comfortable with it i want to do thing but i don t want to drive myself to these place in fear of crashing into something and my job is easy and amazing pay but somehow i find a way to disdain it and my coworkers i want to start dating again but all the sudden i ve become embarrassed of who i am i feel like i m boring and not really interesting to talk to my coworkers like to find my insecurity and turn it into a joke for everyone and i haven t done anything to them i m just there i feel like i m losing my grip on reality sometimes and just want to end it forever and if i did nothing of value would be lost and nobody would really care i m afraid of change yet i want it so much at the same time i just wish i were a more outgoing person who doesn t let other s word get to me

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my dad killed himself and it left me with a feeling like i want to kill everyone in my family who s moved on since then i m his only child my brother is now a stranger to me my mother is my father s killer i am his only survivor i want to kill myself

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grrr my ipod acting weird too jai ho and thinking of you aren t playing the full song ughh

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sitting seb and waiting for hour bad customer service

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ha anyone had really intense brain fog this year i mean it s been pretty bad before but i genuinely can t remember stuff and relative time is confusing sometimes a day feel like a week or i ll think i discussed something with someone on monday and it s been week and they ve been waiting for me to follow up i ll be halfway through making a decision and it take me forever bc my brain get stuck and then i forget what i wa even trying to decide

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my anxiety is so bad right now i have been vomiting and have bad pain in my stomach and abdomen lot of sweating and extreme issue sleeping last night i didn t fall asleep until am and woke up at am in a complete panic eating is very difficult for me right now and i have a sense of impending doom constantly is there anything any of you do that help with this how can i bring this up with my doctor without being committed or something should i get a short supply of benzos to get through this time i just need some advice thank you

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ive been struggling with my mental health for a really long time even throughout secondary school the only thing is ive always pushed it down and gotten away with achieving my academic expectation despite how im struggling ive never told anyone about my problem not even my mum i guess i never wanted to worry her and also took alot of pride in being able to handle myself and not needing help from anyone i guess the combination of leaving it untreated and uni stress ha made it get worse and worse to the point it spiralled out of control i dont know the last time i actually ate a meal rather than just snack food all day the light is broken in my bathroom and i cant call maintenance to fix it because of the state of my dorm i have a nocturnal sleeping schedule and i rarely shower or leave my room i cant apply for special circumstance and try to finish the year because i cant even get out of bed let alone catch up on load of work and missed assignment i really just need to go home and eliminate the stress in order to seek medical treatment and get better but i dont know how to break it to my mum because she think im perfectly fine like how doe it go from being completely okay to me being in a full blown crisis just like that for her it not that i dont think she ll understand but i feel like im a completely different person than who she see no idea of anyone will see this but id really appreciate some advice support because ive never spoken to anyone about my mental health and idk what to do

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i m having a panic attack so i can t sleep distracting myself with tv and internet hope this go away soon

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i ve been on this for week and still barely have an appetite i even got nauseous going to the grocery store today is this normal ha anyone else experienced this it s been great for my mood and communication but it mess with my diet i don t even want to consume food really keep in mind though i did used to emotionally eat

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some backstory i have crohn s disease but am currently in remission so physically and health wise i ve been doing well the combination of medication that i m on seem to be doing their job and overall i feel pretty good so over the last year and a half or so i ve developed this awful anxiety habit of being terrified that i m suddenly going to get sick and need to shit and not be able to find a bathroom when i m out and about and it s taken a toll on my everyday life i can not leave the house for work in the morning without returning the bathroom sometimes more time before i finally work up the courage to get out the door because i m terrified that somewhere along my minute commute i m going to feel the urge and not be able to get to a bathroom fast enough the thing is if i m just at home all day i likely will only have to shit probably once but if i even think about leaving the house i instantly have to go to the bathroom if i have plan i have to schedule my day around how much time im going to need to spend in the bathroom before i can leave i have to feel like i ve emptied out a much a possible before i can get in the car i don t even hang out with friend or date anybody anymore because the stress of this situation is just too much taking my kid to the beach or the park ugh if i m not 00 positive there will be a public restroom available there we aren t going and i hate that it s not only affecting me but thing like that are and will continue to affect my daughter if i don t get a grip on it soon another example of this is i have the opportunity to send her to a much better school and one of the thing that s holding me back is i m terrified of what morning drop off will look like that i don t think there s bathroom available for parent to access during those time the business around the school aren t open that early to access it start earlier so i ll have to leave earlier to drop her off thus leaving me le time to sit on the toilet before we head out etc etc it feel so stupid but to me it s so real i don t even know how to really put it all into word the anxiousness i feel about it it s such a weird thing that i don t really know how to talk to anyone about because i ve never met someone else with this kind of issue doe anyone else struggle with this i feel like i don t even remember what life felt like before i developed this weird anxiety around it my life feel like it revolves around knowing where the bathroom is sorry for the long post this wa kind of a looking for support asking for help needing to vent post thanks for reading if you got this far sorry i rambled on a bit i don t even know where to start

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hmm the work is not easy wasted two hour for a silly mistake now one system is too slow

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i am on the verge of going absolutely insane i can not take being alive anymore i am a prisoner in my own life i feel dead and so alive at the same everyone in my city at my age is either weird rude or awkward modern human are weak impulsive and oblivious i hate my generation and i hate how the internet ha ruined my life and so many others around me i feel like i am living in hell and i want to die nobody is at my level nobody understands how hard i try every person alive is a weak worm that deserves to die

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hippychick clarkes shoe don t fir her they don t go small enough for her foot we have to go to specialist shoe shop

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garygensler secgov aarp finra fordhamlawnyc miamilawschool gary people don t care what they want is clarity on crypto the howie test is outdated and became precedent in an era before the internet even existed let alone the blockchain the sec continues to behave like we have just come out the great depression stifling innovation

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recently wa diagnosed with gad and though i kind of knew i had some sort of anxiety disorder my whole life being diagnosed motivated me to stop avoiding and confront everything i started going to therapy and i learned a lot about myself but the more i practice mindfulness the more i ve come to hate myself i ve spent my whole life constantly caring so much about what others thought of me that i never stepped out of my comfort zone i feel like i have no sense of self identity i convinced myself throughout high school that i wa okay being alone and bypassed a bunch of opportunity i would ve never admitted it out loud before but i realized have such a low self esteem most problem i have created in my life is a result of me it s not like i didn t know this from before hand but admitting it ha made the thought more prevalent i don t know why i feel worse in this sense after getting a diagnosis

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it just make me happy over and over again i wish i wan t afraid to fly http tinyurl com skpp

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about to go looking for shoe for my brother looking forward to torquay in april not a sunny a yesterday here

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iamdepr 9 have you talked to anyone about how you feel mentalhealth depression

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i feel like i shouldn t but i do i m tired and i m tired of being tired i m tired of feeling like i m broken and that i can t do anything right i m tired of feeling like i m in the wrong place and time and i m tired of hating everything i really hate everything most of all me i m tired of feeling alone i m fucking tired of it all i don t know what to do but i know i can t keep up with being a smiling shell i m going to fucking break if i have to keep trying

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let s hope the sore throat clear up before the break and is not a pre cursor to illness over the holiday

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feeling down

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i have a friend group at school yet i feel lonely and helpless i have anxiety and depression i ve always been a big guy 9 0 pound and i ve always been bullied for it i can t get a girlfriend because i m ugly and socially awkward i can t focus on school because i m always tired i can t talk to anyone about my feeling because i hate letting people into my bubble i miss the happy and innocent me at young age my mom left me with my grandma i hate to think what s gon na happen once she dy i hate myself i m ashamed of myself i wan na kill myself i m such a pussy i m afraid that god is real and i ll be punished i m afraid that when i die it will all be black and boring i don t know what s gon na happen if i do it if i fail straight to a hospital if my life doesn t get better i ll do it i hope if i do it i ll be reborn a someone normal and start over

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missed brent at praise band no fun to not have the your lead guitarist lt pout gt

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added the dns system compatibility is okay and am looking forward to the possibility now open but i need to rework the intro sequence

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im getting diagnosed with pure ocd and my doctor told me i most likely have an anxiety disorder a well i never put myself in stressful situation so i dident really think about it i dropped out of school

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kremsersenf away from tubingen and the germ yes away from friend not so much

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my lifestyle and world view for sure seem like a depressed person no motivation almost everything i do is anxiety driven privately my life is a mess and who doesn t feel like we re all screwed nowadays however i usually feel happy or content at any given moment i kinda just don t think about the problem and vibe i m usually having a pretty decent time i m not often sad or cry thinking about the future is upsetting and overwhelming but i try not to i keep getting diagnosed with depression i can kinda see it but usually when i see depression represented it s either with sadness or with no feeling and talk like not enjoying music or anything i still enjoy stuff though is this a thing do others feel this way edit i started lexapro today and went searching for ppl to relate to but i feel kinda alienated from others who are depressed i feel like bringing my energy to other depressed folk would just make them feel worse about feeling bad

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where is my phone amp good food aaaaaaaaah

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i m 0 and i m reverting back to my year old self hahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahah fuck my life i hate everything i just want to not exist

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i have always hated myself and have attempted suicide several time for the past year since my last attempt what had kept me going ha been focusing on changing myself to become someone i can stand a long a changing and improving myself felt possible death didn t seem like the only answer to escape who i am despite covid i have liked myself more in the past year than ever before because i felt like i wa actually making progress on becoming a good person in therapy so it felt even more do able then four week ago my therapist told me that all this time therapy hasn t been working he reduced the amount of therapy i receive per week because i wa relying on it too much to enact the change it wa immediately clear after the change that he wa right i m the exact same piece of shit i ve always been i wa just able to be better because of his help a soon a it wa removed i went right back to how i wa before i feel so foolish humiliated and defeated i feel like i ve been in the desert racing desperately towards an oasis for the past two year only to discover it wa just a mirage all along death really is the only way to escape being who i am

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dachesterfrench i emailed you yesterday and u never responded

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moony 9 i ll miss him too bb the episode seemed unimportant after foreteen found kutner so i stopped watching

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morning bah car won t start waiting for the anwb

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theresev solen var inge varm

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it day one of my ivf injection so let the fun begin

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i m doing my homework it s gosh darn hard

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the title pretty much sum up everything i turned a couple of day ago and i ve been dealing with my depression etc for a couple of year now and i ve been feeling completely hopeless about my future and everything else i just want to disappear forever

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many time when i want to end the suffering i think of committing suicide or other method to alleviate the pain such a starting to smoke drink drug there are time that i think that one of these method can help me get through the bad moment i am going through but there is always something that in the end prevents me because deep down i know that none of that will help me and that i join it that i can continue fighting a i do and the day will come when i will be free

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i don t know how anything work anymore my brain feel like it ha dementia forgetful literal lack of intelligence and critical thinking skill i don t know how school work don t know basic math never had relationship and feel incredibly out of place and inferior to the rest of the general population that s my age half of the people living in my building are my age now i m so fucking suicidal everyday i m just waiting to die

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my website is down

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i have achieved a good outcome a a manager gave me good comment and feedback however there s this thought in my head that s saying he ll rethink his decision and realise that the praise given wasn t warranted i feel like this worry is uncalled for but it s causing me distress doe anyone know how to deal with this type of thought

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amidst the conflict among ukraine and russia in a contention and testing climate when there wa a ton of disturbance doubt disarray and depression in the security exchange subscriberuchisoyafpo

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poor sandra cantu my heart go out to her family and friend rest in peace little one

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is afraid that her g i note will not read themselves

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slept badly still feel like hell but maybe not a bad a yesterday why am i always ill when i take time off work

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carmonium i m stressed outttt

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astewart oh my gosh that made me emotional haha idk why i dont want to get old

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i don t want to be cold in april but i am

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brodhe geez ur no fun are you

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i am in my office s toilet for about an hour now and i can not stop cry i wa having a good day for a change after a really long time in a while but one bad moment wa enough to push me into this mess i have been trying to make myself stop from cry because i need to go back to my desk but these stupid tear won t stop and my eye look bloodshot right now and i forgot my eye drop in my purse life suck

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shrooms and chocolate bar edible good for depression and anxiety ht http t co dz9jxhaant

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just cause my depression not kicking my as like it use to don t mean i m not still dealing with it

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i ran out of ativan and have been waiting for my refill i also didn t understand the danger of taking it until now i can t really remember how long of a period i wa taking it i ve been prescribed 0 which i take of them every night to fall asleep i am sure i have had break because once my prescription run out i normally take some herbal stuff my question is i am day without ativan do i just quit cold turkey or keep taking it goal is not to be taking ativan anymore

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i feel like i m having a panic attack which i ve had before i m all alone and normally that would be very bad but this time is different i think i might be disassociating or something because i m restless like a panic attack and my heart is racing and my brain is off the rail but i m also completely emotionless i can t even make myself cry or smile or yell or anything anyone know what s happening any word of wisdom or love would be greatly appreciated because this is gon na be a long scary night for me i think

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some hacked my account on aim now i have to make a new one

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there is someone in my life i need to have a conversation with i tell myself i really need to do this to answer the question i keep asking myself and if it doesn t get better then i ll know it s time to cut them out i know i have to do this it will make everything better and solve the problem i got myself ready to start this conversation under the thought that a long a i m trying to communicate it s a win in my book i open the chat and think about typing and i tell myself why even bother it doesn t matter he doesn t care to hear your thought and when you do tell him he s not going to want to fix the problem it s so frustrating because i know what the problem is and how to fix it and i can t i don t know how to take the next step

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this doesnt feel real anymore i dont feel like myself everything is the absolute worst it can be and it just doesnt feel right to be alive i feel like im in a coma or a dream and i ll just wake up when this is all over i just want that to happen a soon a possible

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dynoisthename haha you better watch those two they might actually kill each other

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it s been a year since mark speight died a year go so fast

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i m quite a nervous talker anyway i m not toooo bad if it s close friend or my mum but co worker and stranger like supermarket worker or customer i stutter quite a lot but like today i ve had to work at a really busy pub i do mainly cleaning there alongside my main job i used to work at the pub full time but now i just help them out and i feel mentally numb it ha been especially busy today because of a big town wide event we even had to have staff from other pub help being a chain of pub i also wanted to be sick and cry a couple of time and it s just from the sheer amount of people and the amount of contact i have to have with some people i ve been invited out to watch a game tonight i enjoy watching rugby and i m still in two mind whether i can face going

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coke zero mobile site broken on iphone anyway http twitpic com y xp

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i ll have all the equipment by thursday i ve worked out how much rent to send my flatmate to cover a couple month i m getting rid of my clothes by the end of the week i ve written some letter and am going to print out a sheet of my important detail i m dreading it so much but i also can t wait time feel so slow and agonising and every time i fall asleep i think what a waste it is to be unconscious and not die in that comfort i don t feel like anyone will miss me but the hard part is i don t want anyone to have to deal with any admin i don t want anyone to have to plan anything it ll be good to go but i hate the fact that someone will have to clean after me i wish i could just disappear instead life is really hard and i don t know how people do it i never understood how people make friend or fall in love or make other people like them i watch people learn to hate me and i don t know what i m doing wrong or how to stop it i ve been alone for my life even my parent didn t want me and i ll be alone for the rest of it if i stay alive i wish i had something good to offer that people liked but i don t know what anyone want or how to give it to them i don t know what they hate either apparently because i m giving them that without even realising

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fuck la circulation ce mat

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i ve posted here many time under many different name my cat is dying a of the moment and i can t do anything about it i wish i could take him to a vet but i don t have the capacity to take him there my internship is starting next week and i won t have any money until i receive my first pay check next month it s so hard to see him suffer he s the only one that tether me to this world i wish i could die with him he took me out of depression and i can t do anything for him in return he s the only reason why i continue to fight i continue to feed and make him drink with a syringe he hate it when others do it but he trust me his life i wish i could tell him i m sorry that couldn t do anything i love you i ll have my final interview in an hour i know it s selfish for me to say i wish i get through it when he s the one dying i don t know where else to share it

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i can t stand the constant shitty feeling of depression in my chest head and stomach idk how to put it into word but pretty sure every depressed person know what i mean i can t shake the feeling and everything is starting to get under my skin and send me into such a downwards spiral of overthinking and overanalyzing everything so much to the point that i overanalyze feeling sad in the first place and minimize my own feeling i m not motivated to do anything except sit around like a blob and waste time and space my fiance is a blessing and doe so much to make me feel better but he can t be my savior and it s been so hard just to get through the work day and go through the motion i know it s temporary and will pas cause that s the illness but i feel so awful and helpless rn i forgot what i m supposed to do i hope typing this out will make me feel better thanks so much for reading and have a wonderful night

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hello i age have been feeling like i m going crazy these past month after i got my first panic attack i been having all kind of symptom like not feeling my hand before the panic attack but now i been getting disoriented feeling like im like a camera stuck in my head looking at mirror and not feeling properly like myself if i look to the side of me i get scared even yesterday night before sleeping i had a moment that my brain thought i wa doing something and i actually wa believing that i wa doing it for split second been feeling like my heart is dropping a lot my brain skip moment and this all concern me is this all anxiety

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what a fucked up little world we are living in

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preferably without becoming addicted

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depression in construction is partly due to big company piling relentless pressure on worker and making it clear they can be easily replaced the moment they wear out bbcmorninglive totally hold the employer responsible bbcmorninglive

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jaxtartwitch denismcmichael stats feed well being informed and suffering from depression are two different aspect

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missed the gig

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while hungover and puking in the shower i would often congratulate myself for being witty at a party the previous night wasn t it so funny when i yelled who care about the planet anyway while i puked into the recycling people laughed for year before my first drink i hated myself for being socially inept i hate being shy when i drink i m not shy after eight year of heavy drinking i began to accept that what i wa feeling wa social anxiety and it wa not going away after another two year i began to accept that i had developed a new problem while trying to overcome anxiety another two year i finally quit drinking on my rd day sober i admitted to myself that i hate the person i am when i drink i ve spent 0 year hating the person i am when i m sober so where doe this leave me now day 0 of my sobriety wa friendsgiving sara made bourbon sweet potato that tasted too strongly of bourbon i always preferred rye whiskey i spent a lot of that night sucking a fruit flavored vape pen the vice i took up in lieu of drinking on our way home tolemy apologized for getting too drunk but i didn t mind he remembers better than i do all the time i got too drunk

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quick question is anyone taking buspirone and did you need to go up on your dosage i ve been taking 0mg twice daily but it feel like it s not working a well a it wa say a week ago i ve been on it for week i would really appreciate your feedback thank you all

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the 0 halsey melanie martinez troye sivan lana to 0 depression pipeline

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you are doing enough just let yourself take a break

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it sprained so glad im on holiday

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i m 9 and haven t done anything with my life i ve disappointed everyone in my life the woman i thought i wa gon na marry left me and won t even talk to me anymore i started therapy and medication again a few month ago but it only doe so much i don t really have any friend i work only a few day a week and can barely handle that i don t find pleasure out of anything anymore i don t have anyone to turn to and everyone who ever loved me ha either left me or died all i do is sit home alone and try to distract myself the best i can but i honestly see no light at the end of the tunnel i know it s pathetic but i swear i m trying the best i can but i don t know how much longer i can

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just been playing with the new mobbler v0 0 and it add some great new feature but won t play music on my e like v0 did

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posting because this medication ha had an incredible impact for me in a very short time and i think that s worth sharing in case it can help anyone else who suffers from anxiety i wa prescribed propranolol 0mg xr per day a little over one week ago primarily for enhanced physiologic tremor my doctor did also suspect that it would help with some physical symptom of anxiety that i have including elevated hr general muscle tension flushing shortness of breath my anxiety had become so bad over the last year that i have essentially become unable to rock climb which wa previously my favorite activity and stress reliever due to extreme fear shaking freezing up and compulsive checking of equipment well i don t want to get too excited in case thing change a my body acclimates to the drug but so far it really feel like this medication ha changed my life i honestly am starting to feel like myself again in so many way the tension in my shoulder and muscle that ha just become standard for me in the day to day ha been released my tremor is significantly reduced i feel like a weight ha been lifted off of my body i have rock climbed a couple of time since i started the medication and the excessive fear response is all but eliminated no more shaking no more locking up it s pretty amazing i can t even begin to express how huge of a deal this is i wa not expecting this at all i had no idea that this med would have such a significant impact on my anxiety i expected a reduced tremor and hr but nothing more i know that this med ha no impact on the actual mental process but my symptom of anxiety have always been primarily physical it seems a though reducing the tension and heart rate and shaking ha allowed everything else to relax a well i am sure not everyone will have the same experience and who know it could change for me with time but for the time being this med ha been a game changer for me so far i have had no negative side effect not even low bp which i have always had issue with my regular bp is often 9 0 and this med doesn t appear to have changed that in any way despite reducing my hr

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i m so sick of being in a state of breakdown and every hotline i call treat me like dogshit hang up on me like nobody fucking care and i can t take rejection after rejection after fucking rejection when nobody s ever accepted me for who i am or loved me even once all i ever do is fuck up and nobody forgives even my tiny mistake they all fucking hate me and i m sick of everyone being disgusting or selfish little slimebags get a fucking life and fuck off and quit making mine worse just because you aren t shit i can t take it i really can t take it i mean really i wa beaten nearly to death and i get hotline idiot telling me to be quiet and quit cursing like fuck you fuck you to the bastard death you useless asshole doe anyone have a shred of empathy i don t give a fuck i just wish someone gave a shit

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ladyerlynne awwww you could always post in the transfig classroom with sharmila

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back at the office still only day until another long weekend

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this isn t the normal kind of post i would write and my follower are probably going to leave because of this but here i am most of the time i have the thought in passing if i were dead i wouldn t have to deal with all of this or life is just too hard i wish i wasn t here lately thing in my life have gotten really bad i had a miscarriage in january it sucked because my husband and i had been trying to get pregnant for a long time and had been told that it wasn t going to be possible without intervention or weight loss or both but there we were pregnant and all of a sudden not pregnant i spent the last year dealing with some drama at work that took me over the edge more than a few time i wanted to kill myself so badly but i never told anyone about it i d mention to my therapist that i wa having the suicidal thought and he d check in but i reassured him that i d be ok and he would remind me of all the time i had been here before and gotten out of it now i m looking at a tough situation at home i am not going to go into detail about it but thing are hard at the moment and i find myself feeling trapped unwanted and like more of an annoyance than anything it suck to feel that way in your own home i honestly don t know what i m doing any more and the suicidal thought are getting more real and more pervasive i am finding it hard to stay in a good place i m finding it hard to think logically about it all i feel is desperation and a strong desire to just end it to be done with the fight of having to live with constant depression and anxiety just having rest from that would be a relief but also i know i shouldn t do it life suck and it shouldn t be this hard wish i could feel loved supported and like my life actually matter yet here i am

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what are some thing i should get in order before i go i d like to either sell or toss most of my thing plan on paying off the little debt i have writing goodbye making sure nobody see anything traumatic what are some thing one would do or not do before death not looking for help or pitty just something i might be forgetting thanks

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for starter i never really had a childhood when i wa my parent would constantly fight and eventually got divorced at the time i did not really understand and thought that my mom and dad needed space from each other well i never learned that they would never get back together until my dad remarried to a woman with son all older than me and my younger brother now my stepmother wa horrible to me and my brother this included being locked in the same room with my brother the whole day one meal per day a gate in the bedroom doorway so that neither of u could go to the bathroom or get a drink of water now i wa not always in my room i would go outside sometimes but i would be locked outside by my stepmother whenever i told my father about it he either did not believe me or shrugged it off a a mistake my mother wa not any better than my father she never remarried but wa extremely lazy and never cleaned the house she also never gave any discipline either so i wa free to do whatever i wanted then when i wa thing in my childhood got a lot harder when we found out my younger brother ha severe autism now thing switched from me getting some attention from my parent to none at all i wa now treated like a second rate child by almost everyone now whenever it wa my birthday and wanted to go somewhere we had to plan it to make sure that my brother would also enjoy going there because if he did not then my birthday would be cut very short not on y that the present were even unfair and i know it sound like i am just being selfish but is it selfish when on christmas i would get a 0 lego set and then my brother would get a new keyboard piano that he did not have to share the only time i ever felt like i wa treated equally wa when i wa over at my great aunt uncle s house at their house i wa not treated a a second rate child but instead a their own child they gave me acknowledgment and love when my actual parent did not they did not change plan because of my brother they helped fill the void that my mom and dad had left in me but my great uncle would pas away when i wa 9 due to cancer this not only hit me hard it felt like i had lost my real dad and now i would never get him back my great aunt wa still alive and kept up with me but i would only see her le and le a the year went by preteen teenager year were rough for me and yes i know most people s preteen teenager year were rough so for starter remember me talking about being almost locked in my room or having complete freedom depending on what parent i wa with well this wa not good for me at all a i got no interaction from peer my age and when i did get some it wa only for brief moment so i never knew how to interact with people i did make friend but this wa when i started lying to look cool instead of telling people that when i am with my dad i am basically in prison and when i am with my mom i live in a pigpen this kept leading to lie getting deeper and deeper and eventually developing into pathological lying it wasn t that i wa not kind or anything i just wanted to be cool and normal like the other kid and my friend this however wa only the tip of the very uneasy iceberg because now people were getting in romantic relationship in high school and god forbid that i get a girlfriend during this time well it happened i got a girlfriend when i wa freshman in high school she wa the polar opposite of me where i wa shy and not very interactable if i did not know you she wa the party girl who wanted to drink booze and smoke weed during the time that she did drink or smoke i would feel left out just like with my family at home so again i made up story and stuff to make myself look better well now i wa getting called out by others for my lie i knew it wa wrong but for me it wa all about the attention at the time no matter if it wa good or bad it made me feel real and like i mattered in a twisted way well now because i wa being called out i started to get even more depressed than i wa and resorted to self harm eventually one night when me and my ex were talking she got drunk and started sending message that i needed to man up and have intercourse with her r she will leave me well me being in a not so good position in life i self harmed more violently that time and sent an image to her in retaliation for her saying that she will leave me i know a match made in heaven right there i will not say that i wa not at fault partially in that situation and i will not defend my action i merely wish to vent and talk about this anonymously a i have never spoken about this before to anyone after that incident the next day i wa beaten to a pulp by guy who liked my ex and thought doing this would land them brownie point after which the school district finally did an investigation which involved my ex telling her side and only hearing her side my friend called me insane and left one by one until i had no friend anymore what hurt the most from that though wa now i wa alone my parent still never really paid attention to me and now were treating me like a chore than a son instead of getting me the help i needed they instead did nothing at all except send me to a psychologist who would proscribe every drug in the world and a therapist who did not really understand what i wa saying and that wa i needed help i relied on them for help and they were never there now at this point i m and have no friend still don t know how to keep friend and don t know how to reliably get help i spent the rest of my high school year in and out of different school with no friend or girlfriend i wa so shut off that when there wa a girl who liked me or someone who wanted to be friend i would always dismiss them or tell them that they could do better than me i wa a husk in my own body and it wa all due to my action and not wanting to open up to anyone i did get some romantic relationship eventually but those fell off a i never put the time or effort to make it last when i wa i had my first suicide attempt i failed obviously and i am glad it did at the time i eventually got in contact with my great aunt again after year we chatted about what had happened in our life with me tearing up for the first time in a while talking about what my childhood and teen life were like she told me that she wa the same way in that she wa suicidal and we connected together because of that morbid fact she talked me out of many other suicide attempt and kept telling me that it will always et better no matter what and yes thing did get better i bought a car and paid it off in le than a year i have grown and learned so much that i am wiser than i wa before and i am going to college to get a degree in biology and in all honesty i would not change anything one bit knowing who i am now but i still get the feeling that everything would be better if i just did not exist now we come to today with me still dealing with suicide it ha now been a constant battle with it daily because i just don t know what to do i can t get over my past and the mistake that i made and even then this post doe not even cover all of them if it did it would be almost 00 page at least i just wish sometimes i never existed in the first place or that i wa born to loving parent who actually cared for me instead of sidelining me for my brother because he ha autism i am so full of rage for myself and my brother not because he is autistic but he took away the childhood i needed in the first place i m and feel stuck like i don t know where to go from here i don t know how to move on from the past mistake that keep me back i don t know how to look at the future and not see it landing me with the worst life imaginable and especially i do not know how to get over the feeling of not wanting to exist daily and thinking of way to die sorry for the long post i tried to keep it a short a possible with the most detail and if this is not the right place then what is the right place thank you

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t w stalking so the other week i had a late doc appointment and whilst i wa walking a man started following me it obvious scared the shit out of me and my heart wa racing and i felt jelly leg and i wa in tear fast forward a couple of week and i ve started getting a racing heartbeat and feeling faint etc having the feeling only when i m out by myself so i know they re panic attack but they only happen when i go out by myself even if it s from the bus stop to home i m guessing that it may be from what happened are there any tip people have for trying to battle this im seeing a therapist soon but want some extra advice whilst i wait for it

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is back at work although i wish i wa back in bed

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allyheman but but but i m not a big fan on camilla belle

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tutsy u are minding her she come say she won enter depression i said happy depression ijmn ungrateful soul

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who is the mastermind behind depression due to nepotism theory and why wa this theory encouraged by mupo even when no suic de note wa found from the crime scene ip nupurprasad drjitendrasingh doptgoi pmoindia hmoindia ip association ssr social medium compromised

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sara kate im afraid too ur reply about uni from age ago

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randomjay the biggest mistake i have ever made now i have to live with the consequence stress anxiety and depression

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