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hard-driving narcissism is a given

relentless narcissism is obvious

outnumber the hits by three-to-one .

are three times more numerous than hits.

a mushy , existential exploration of why men leave their families

a mushy, existential exploration of why men leave their families

support the premise other than fling gags at it to see which ones shtick

support the principle other than throwing gags at it to see which ones are good

help this movie one bit

helps this movie a little

melodramatic bodice-ripper

melodramatic bodice ripper

the soul of a man in pain

the soul of a suffering man

when it 's not wallowing in hormonal melodrama

when he's not wallowing in hormonal melodrama

predecessors the mummy and the mummy returns stand as intellectual masterpieces next to the scorpion king .

the predecessors, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, are intellectual masterpieces next to The Scorpion King.

avoid the ghetto of sentimental chick-flicks

avoid the ghetto of sentimental chick flicks

rehashes to feed to the younger generations

penetrants to feed the younger generations

is the kathie lee gifford of film directors ,

is the Kathie Lee Gifford of directors,

, deeply unsettling experience

, deeply disturbing experience

realize , much to our dismay , that this really did happen

realizing, much to our dismay, that this actually happened

a snail 's pace

a snail's pace

skit-com material fervently deposited on the big screen .

"Sketch-com material fervently brought to the big screen".

on the soullessness of work

on the soullessness of work

this dreadfully earnest inversion of the concubine love triangle eschews the previous film 's historical panorama and roiling pathos for bug-eyed mugging and gay-niche condescension .

this terribly earnest inversion of the concubine love triangle eschews the previous film's historical panorama and seething pathos for bug-eyed muggings and gay niche condescension.

techno-tripe

techno-guts

like my christmas movies with more elves and snow and less pimps and ho 's .

like my Christmas movies with more elves and snow and fewer pimps and whores.

about kicking undead ***

about kicking the undead***

not a stereotype is omitted nor a cliché left unsaid .

not a stereotype is omitted nor a cliché left unsaid.

wo n't sit still for a sociology lesson

I will not sit through a sociology class

when twentysomething hotsies make movies about their lives , hard-driving narcissism is a given

When hotties in their twenties make films about their lives, relentless narcissism is obvious.

to build a feel-good fantasy around a vain dictator-madman

build a feel-good fantasy around a conceited mad dictator

justify a theatrical simulation of the death camp of auschwitz ii-birkenau

justify a theatrical simulation of the auschwitz ii-birkenau death camp

whose portrait of a therapy-dependent flakeball

including the portrait of a flakeball addicted to therapy

those 24-and-unders looking for their own caddyshack to adopt as a generational signpost may have to keep on looking .

24 and under looking for their own caddyshack to adopt as a generational panel may have to keep looking.

` stock up on silver bullets for director neil marshall 's intense freight train of a film . '

"stock up on silver bullets for director Neil Marshall's intense freight train film". '

until then there 's always these rehashes to feed to the younger generations

until then there are always these changes to feed the younger generations

no more racist portraits of indians , for instance )

no more racist portraits of Indians for example)

like a living-room war of the worlds , gaining most of its unsettling force from the suggested and the unknown

like a war of the worlds in a living room, drawing most of its disturbing force from the suggested and the unknown

most effective if used as a tool to rally anti-catholic protestors

most effective if used as a tool to rally anti-Catholic protesters

alarms for duvall 's throbbing sincerity and his elderly propensity for patting people while he talks

alarms for Duvall's thrilling sincerity and his aged propensity to caress people while he speaks

struggles to rebel against his oppressive , right-wing , propriety-obsessed family .

struggles to rebel against her oppressive, right-wing, property-obsessed family.

a cautionary tale about the folly of superficiality that is itself endlessly superficial .

a cautionary tale about the folly of superficiality which is itself infinitely superficial.

is an overwhelming sadness that feels as if it has made its way into your very bloodstream

is an overwhelming sadness that feels like it has penetrated your bloodstream

the gratuitous cinematic distractions

free cinematic entertainment

soderbergh skims the fat from the 1972 film .

Soderbergh skims the fat from the 1972 film.

off the hook

off hook

criminal conspiracies and true romances move so easily across racial and cultural lines in the film that it makes my big fat greek wedding look like an apartheid drama .

crime plots and real-life romances cross racial and cultural lines so easily in the film that My Big Fat Greek Wedding feels like an apartheid drama.

i like my christmas movies with more elves and snow and less pimps and ho 's .

I like my Christmas movies with more elves and snow and fewer pimps and whores.

, and their personalities undergo radical changes when it suits the script

, and their personalities undergo drastic changes when it suits the storyline

which ticks off kahlo 's lifetime milestones with the dutiful precision of a tax accountant

which ticks off the stages of Kahlo's life with the conscientious precision of a tax accountant

the movie 's vision of a white american zealously spreading a puritanical brand of christianity to south seas islanders is one only a true believer could relish .

the film's vision of a white American zealously propagating a puritanical brand of Christianity to South Sea Islanders is one that only a true believer could savor.

a period story about a catholic boy who tries to help a jewish friend get into heaven by sending the audience straight to hell .

a period story about a Catholic boy who tries to help a Jewish friend enter heaven by sending the audience straight to hell.

enervating

annoying

( jackson and bledel ) seem to have been picked not for their acting chops , but for their looks and appeal to the pre-teen crowd .

(Jackson and Bledel) appear to have been chosen not for their acting skills, but for their looks and appeal to pre-teen audiences.

a few hours after you 've seen it , you forget you 've been to the movies .

a few hours after seeing it, you forget that you went to the cinema.

's a dangerous , secretly unhinged guy who could easily have killed a president because it made him feel powerful .

He's a dangerous and secretly unhinged guy who could have easily killed a president because it made him feel empowered.

it forces you to watch people doing unpleasant things to each other and themselves , and it maintains a cool distance from its material that is deliberately unsettling

it forces you to watch people do nasty things to each other and themselves, and it maintains a cool distance from its material that is deliberately unsettling.

, frightening war scenes

, frightening war scenes

no rest period , no timeout

no rest period, no downtime

gets under the skin of a man we only know as an evil , monstrous lunatic

steps into the shoes of a man we only know as an evil, monstrous madman

the boat loads of people who try to escape the country

the boat is full of people trying to flee the country

bypassing no opportunity to trivialize the material

not bypassing any opportunity to trivialize the material

give his audience a single character worth rooting for ( or worth rooting against , for that matter )

giving its audience a unique character worth rooting for (or against, for that matter)

tongue to keep from laughing at the ridiculous dialog or the oh-so convenient plot twists

language so as not to laugh at the ridiculous dialogue or the oh-so-convenient plot twists

is creepy in a michael jackson sort of way

it's scary in a Michael Jackson way

almost do n't notice the 129-minute running time

I almost don't notice the length of 129 minutes

succeed in producing that most frightening of all movies -- a mediocre horror film too bad to be good and too good to be bad .

succeed in producing the scariest film of all – a mediocre horror film, too bad to be good and too good to be bad.

a cockeyed shot all the way .

a cocky shot all the way.

the rare imax movie that you 'll wish was longer than an hour .

the rare imax movie you wish was longer than an hour.

going to subjugate truth to the tear-jerking demands of soap opera

will submit the truth to the heartbreaking demands of the soap opera

the film , like jimmy 's routines , could use a few good laughs .

the film, like Jimmy's routines, deserves a few good laughs.

does n't allow an earnest moment to pass without reminding audiences that it 's only a movie .

doesn't let a serious moment pass without reminding the audience that it's just a movie.

by kevin bray , whose crisp framing , edgy camera work , and wholesale ineptitude with acting , tone and pace very obviously mark him as a video helmer making his feature debut

by Kevin Bray, whose crisp framing, daring camerawork and utter ineptitude of acting, tone and pacing mark him very obviously as a videographer making his feature film debut.

` science fiction ' takes advantage of the fact that its intended audience has n't yet had much science

“Science fiction” benefits from the fact that its target audience has not yet learned much about science.

been responsible for putting together any movies of particular value or merit

been responsible for making films of particular value or merit

of a chafing inner loneliness and desperate grandiosity that tend to characterize puberty

of an irritating inner solitude and a desperate grandeur that tend to characterize puberty

spreading a puritanical brand of christianity

spreading a puritanical brand of Christianity

sent back

returned

their personalities undergo radical changes when it suits the script

their personalities undergo drastic changes when it suits the storyline

director elie chouraqui , who co-wrote the script , catches the chaotic horror of war , but why bother if you 're going to subjugate truth to the tear-jerking demands of soap opera ?

Director Elie Chouraqui, who co-wrote the screenplay, captures the chaotic horror of war, but why bother if you want to subject the truth to the harrowing demands of the soap opera?

vehicle that even he seems embarrassed to be part of

vehicle that even he seems embarrassed to be a part of

fondly remembered as roman coppola 's brief pretentious period before going on to other films that actually tell a story worth caring about

Roman Coppola's brief pretentious period is fondly remembered before moving on to other films that actually tell a worthwhile story.

adults , other than the parents ... will be hard pressed to succumb to the call of the wild .

adults, other than parents... will have difficulty succumbing to the call of nature.

frightening war scenes

scary war scenes

stock up on silver bullets for director neil marshall 's intense freight train of a film . '

stock up on miracle solutions for director Neil Marshall's intense freight train film. '

unveil it until the end , after endless scenes of him wheedling reluctant witnesses and pointing his camera through the smeared windshield of his rental car

reveal it to the end, after endless scenes where he cajoles reluctant witnesses and points his camera through the stained windshield of his rental car

collateral damage is trash , but it earns extra points by acting as if it were n't .

Collateral damage is waste, but it gets extra points for acting like it's not the case.

acted , emotionally devastating piece

play performed, emotionally devastating

using them as punching bags

use them as punching bags

wes craven 's presence is felt ; not the craven of ' a nightmare on elm street ' or ` the hills have eyes , ' but the sad schlock merchant of ` deadly friend . '

the presence of Wes Craven is felt; not the chicken from “Nightmare on Elm Street” or “The Hills Have Eyes,” but the sad schlock dealer from “Mortal Friend.” '

this is downright movie penance

it's definitely a film penance

fabuleux

fabulous

it forces you to watch people doing unpleasant things to each other and themselves , and it maintains a cool distance from its material that is deliberately unsettling .

it forces you to watch people do nasty things to each other and themselves, and it maintains a cool distance from its deliberately unsettling material.

be impressed by this tired retread

be impressed by this tired retread

quirky rip-off prison

original prison for scam

, rather than forcing us to endure every plot contrivance that the cliché-riddled genre can offer

, rather than forcing us to endure all the intrigue that the cliché-riddled genre has to offer

the reaction in williams is as visceral as a gut punch

Williams' reaction is as visceral as a punch to the gut

the rope snaps

the rope breaks

the actors must indeed be good to recite some of this laughable dialogue with a straight face .

the actors must indeed be good at reciting some of this laughable dialogue with a straight face.

that even a story immersed in love , lust , and sin could n't keep my attention

that even a story steeped in love, lust and sin couldn't hold my attention

a straight-ahead thriller that never rises above superficiality .

a direct thriller that never rises above superficiality.

seen in that light , moonlight mile should strike a nerve in many .

Seen in this light, the moonlit kilometer should strike a chord with many.

it 's more of the ` laughing at ' variety than the ` laughing with

It’s more of a “laugh at” than “laugh with” type.

to the horrors of the killing field and the barbarism of ` ethnic cleansing

to the horrors of the battlefield and the barbarity of “ethnic cleansing”

including the assumption that `` crazy '' people are innocent , childlike and inherently funny

including the assumption that "crazy" people are innocent, childish, and inherently funny

hugh grant 's act is so consuming that sometimes it 's difficult to tell who the other actors in the movie are .

Hugh Grant's acting is so engaging that it is sometimes difficult to tell who the other actors in the film are.