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the most surprising thing about this film is that they are actually releasing it into theaters .

The most surprising thing about this movie is that they are currently releasing it in theaters.

most anime , whose most ardent fans outside japan seem to be introverted young men with fantasy fetishes

Most anime, whose most ardent fans outside of Japan seem to be introverted young men with fantasy fetishes.

aimless for much of its running time , until late in the film when a tidal wave of plot arrives

aimless for much of its duration, until the end of the film when a tidal wave arrives

showtime deserves the hook .

showtime deserves the hook.

simple-minded

simpleton

does n't allow an earnest moment to pass without reminding audiences that it 's only a movie

doesn't let a serious moment pass without reminding the audience that it's just a movie

pinochet 's victims

Pinochet's victims

combined scenes of a japanese monster flick with canned shots of raymond burr commenting on the monster 's path of destruction

combined scenes from a Japanese monster movie with canned shots of Raymond Burr commenting on the monster's path of destruction

, american chai is enough to make you put away the guitar , sell the amp , and apply to medical school .

, American chai is enough to make you put away the guitar, sell the amp and apply to medical school.

do n't say you were n't warned .

Don't say you weren't warned.

a calculating fiend

a calculating demon

he 's a dangerous , secretly unhinged guy who could easily have killed a president because it made him feel powerful .

he's a dangerous and secretly unhinged guy who could have easily killed a president because it made him feel empowered.

paint-by-number american blockbusters like pearl harbor

American paint-by-numbers blockbusters like Pearl Harbor

other than to employ hollywood kids and people who owe favors to their famous parents .

other than employing Hollywood kids and people who owe favors to their famous parents.

, your senses are as mushy as peas

, your senses are mushy like peas

the horrors of the killing field and the barbarism of ` ethnic cleansing

the horrors of the battlefield and the barbarity of “ethnic cleansing”

a backhanded ode to female camaraderie penned by a man who has little clue about either the nature of women or of friendship .

a roundabout ode to female camaraderie written by a man who has no idea of the nature of women or friendship.

not once in the rush to save the day did i become very involved in the proceedings ; to me

not once, in the rush to save the situation, did I really get involved in the debates; tome

deserves the hook

deserves the hook

chan wades through putrid writing , direction and timing with a smile that says , ` if i stay positive , maybe i can channel one of my greatest pictures , drunken master . '

Chan navigates the putrid writing, direction and timing with a smile that says, "if I stay positive, maybe I can channel one of my greatest images, drunken master." '

, the cartoons look almost shakespearean -- both in depth and breadth -- after watching this digital-effects-heavy , supposed family-friendly comedy .

, cartoons seem almost Shakespearean – both in depth and breadth – after watching this supposedly digital-effects-heavy family comedy.

sidesplitting

side parting

carrying this wafer-thin movie on his nimble shoulders , chan wades through putrid writing , direction and timing with a smile that says , ` if i stay positive , maybe i can channel one of my greatest pictures , drunken master . '

carrying this wafer-thin film on his lithe shoulders, Chan navigates the putrid writing, directing, and timing with a smile that says, "if I stay positive, maybe I can channel one of my greatest images, master drunk ". '

past a child 's interest and an adult 's patience

beyond the interest of a child and the patience of an adult

a gut punch

a punch in the stomach

bite your tongue to keep from laughing at the ridiculous dialog or the oh-so convenient plot twists

bite your tongue so as not to laugh at the ridiculous dialogue or the convenient plot twists

sheridan had a wonderful account to work from , but , curiously , he waters it down , turning grit and vulnerability into light reading .

Sheridan had a wonderful narrative to work with, but, oddly, he watered it down, turning courage and vulnerability into light reading.

seems to take an unseemly pleasure in ( the characters ' ) misery and at the same time to congratulate himself for having the guts to confront it

seems to take an inappropriate pleasure in the misery (of the characters) and at the same time congratulate himself on having had the courage to face it

( reno ) lets her radical flag fly , taking angry potshots at george w. bush , henry kissinger , larry king , et al .

( reno ) lets its radical flag fly and angrily takes shots at George W. Bush, Henry Kissinger, Larry King et al.

's hard to imagine acting that could be any flatter .

It's hard to imagine a game that could be more flattering.

in the end , tuck everlasting falls victim to that everlasting conundrum experienced by every human who ever lived : too much to do , too little time to do it in .

Ultimately, Tuck Everternal falls victim to that eternal conundrum experienced by every human being who has ever lived: too much to do, too little time to do it.