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"[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.] Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi. Nurse: Hi. Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me. Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions? Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt? Nurse: Well... Phoebe: Oh my God! Ross: It's all right. Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross) Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother. Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay... Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that! Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts? Phoebe: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me! (Monica and Chandler come running in.) Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did! (There's a pause as they figure out what to say.) Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket. Chandler: That's right. (Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.) Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket. Monica: Oh man! I did it again! Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?! Joey: I gotta get the before shot! (She shakes her head no.) Opening Credits [Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.] Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming. Phoebe: What?! Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head. Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid! Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay. Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your v*g1n*! Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful. Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department. Phoebe: All right--Ooh! Oh dead God, save me! Monica: What? Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction! Chandler: Oh no. Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad. Chandler: Okay. Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.) Chandler: Hey! You okay? Joey: Ooh, something hurts! Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet! Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much. (The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.) Ross: Hello. Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits) Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie? Monica: That's what it sounded like. Chandler: All right... Frank: (entering) Hey! All: Hey! Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right? Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice? Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff. Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing. Frank: Yeah. [Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.] Rachel: (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses. Joey: Oh my! Rachel: They're male nurses. Joey: Not in my head. Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say? Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so. Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go. Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true. Rachel: What? Monica: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it? Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them. Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O... Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty? Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad... [Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.] Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies... (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.) Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either--Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it. Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway? Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them. Chandler: Really? Male nurses? Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too. Chandler: So they're going on dates? When? Joey: I think Saturday--(groans in pain again). Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him? Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder. Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay! Phoebe: Hey. Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets. Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor? Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz. Chandler: All right. (Dr. Harad exits.) Frank: It's not that weird, is it? Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo! Ross: To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie... Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie! Ross: Again, it's not that he... (Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.) [Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.] Chandler: (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are! Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know. Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around. Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him. Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too! Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.) [Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.] Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang. Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade? Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early... Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor. Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to... Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go! (He runs out and Frank watches him go.) Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry! [Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.] Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones. Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be? Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones. Joey: Or? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! [Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.] Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky. Phoebe: They are. Why? Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday. Phoebe: Happy birthday! Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.) Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice. Phoebe: I know, it is. Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret? Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.) Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.] Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies! Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know! Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children! Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know? Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane. Phoebe: Oh, just ask him! Rachel: Me?! Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out! Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!! Phoebe: You're right. (There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.) Phoebe: Tell him it's for you. [Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.] Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie? Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up. Monica: Me too. Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra... Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option--what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?! [Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.] Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him? Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet. Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here. Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie. Rachel: Y'know who I always liked? Mork. (Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.) Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it. Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie. Rachel: Yeah, but umm... Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right? Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right. Monica: (entering with Chandler) Hey! Phoebe: Hi! Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing? Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now. Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in? Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do. (A male nurse enters.) Male Nurse: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Male Nurse: Rachel. Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica. Dan: Nice to meet you. Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really! Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it? Monica: Chandler! Dan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school. Chandler: Oh. Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War. Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.) Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow? Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift. Monica: Oh, great! Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night? Delivery Room Nurse: No. Chandler: All right. Very good. Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!! [Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.] Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me! Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain. (Joey starts breathing hard) Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.) Ross: I do too! I do too! Joey: Argh! Ross: Argh! Joey: Argh! Ross: Argh! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.] Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi! Rachel: Hi! Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now! Rachel: Oh, honey, don't worry. She's gonna make it on time. Frank: Yeah. Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh? Frank: (laughs) Not to me. Rachel: Yeah, fair enough. [Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.] Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please. (They all kiss her and wish her luck.) Monica: Bye Dan! Dan: Uh, bye Monica. Chandler: Bye, momi-moo. (Everyone except Frank leaves.) Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31. Phoebe: What is that? (Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing. [Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.] Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.) [Cut to the delivery room.] Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go! Dan: I see the head. Frank: Yes, it has a head! Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on! Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son. Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby. [Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.] Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!! Chandler: Yes! Frank: Frank Jr. Jr.!! Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look? Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.) [Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.] Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again? Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone. Frank: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it! (Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.) [Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.] Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.) [Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.] Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on! Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming! (They both stare at the newborn.) Frank: Hey, where's his thing? [Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.] Frank: Chandler's a girl! Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback. Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl! Chandler: Okay, keep saying it! Alice: (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?! Frank: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes. Alice: We have our babies? Frank: Yeah. Alice: (Starting to cry) Oh, we have our babies. (They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.) [Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.] Joey: Oh my God. Ross: You did it, man. Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.) Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.) [Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.] Dan: So, I'll call you tomorrow. Monica: Great! (Dan leaves as Chandler enters.) Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man? Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him. Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing s*x and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this. Monica: I think you're better than you think you are. Chandler: Really? Okay, so... Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop. Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay? Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance. Chandler: Right! [Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.] Monica: I think you're my favorite. Phoebe: Which one do you have? Monica: I don't care. Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls. Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know... Rachel: Yeah, umm, no honey. Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies. All: Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah. (They hand her the babies and leave them alone.) Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.) Ending Credits [Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.] Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing! Phoebe: I know. Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say? Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it. Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her? Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler. Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think? Phoebe: Works on you."
"Feeling guilty over Phoebe missing out on London, the gang plan a weekend trip to Atlantic City, but just as they are about to leave, Phoebe's water breaks and they head to the hospital. In an attempt to get over Ross, Rachel asks out two male nurses for her and Monica. This causes friction between Monica and Chandler, with Chandler reacting as if he does not care. In the delivery room, Phoebe frets about her Fonzie-obsessed doctor. Joey, in pain, is diagnosed with kidney stones and admitted to the hospital. After giving birth to Frank and Alice's triplets: Frank Jr. Jr, Leslie, and Chandler, Phoebe has difficulty giving them up."
"LUCAS: Mom! [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN is working at the table. LUCAS walks into the room, whering a robe and a towel around his neck, shampoo still in his hair] LUCAS: Mom, did you forget to pay the water bill? KAREN: No, of course I paid the water bill. [She sees LUCAS and walks over to the sink and tries the water there. It doesn't work] See? This is what we need the emergency Visa for. Something must've broken. I'll take care of it. Come on, lets get you rinsed. [LUCAS leans over the sink and KAREN pours a water jug over his head. She laughs] LUCAS: How is this funny, Mom? KAREN: How is this not funny? [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN and NATHAN walk into the kitchen to find a WOMAN preparing a salad] WOMAN: Hey. Check it out. It's called 'dinner.' DAN: Who is that lady? Is that my wife? [NATHAN looks pleasantly surprised] DAN: I didn't think you were getting back until Monday. WOMAN: I wasn't. Until I sweet talked Ziodex into doubling their 'Gift to AIDS' research. It took me all of one meeting. DAN: Wow, I'm impressed. You sure you don't want to quit saving the world and come sell cars with me? DEB: Mmm, thanks, but I like the Frequent Flyer miles. [DEB walks over to NATHAN and gives him a hug] DEB: Hey. How's my boy? NATHAN: I have warm-ups, Mom. DEB: Oh, come on, sit. Dinner's almost ready and I haven't seen you from weeks. NATHAN: I can't. I got to go. Don't wait up. DAN: Nathan. Remember what I told you. He can't shoot if he doesn't have the ball. [THE GYM. The RAVENS are all gathered around WHITEY and the cheerleaders are chanting] WHITEY: Damnit, this is a team, not a Chinese fire grill. Scott, you're plain selfish. Get out there and pretend you know each other. TIM: Ravens on three. One! Two! Three! TEAM: Ravens! WHITEY: Lets go, lets go, lets go! [THE GYM. PEYTON and BROOKE are supposed to be cheering off to the side] BROOKE: Hey, can I catch a ride with you to Nathan's party later. PEYTON: I didn't think you were going. I figured you'd be hiding out in Lucas' back seat again. BROOKE: Jealous. PEYTON: No. BROOKE: What? I could see it. You're both so broody. You could brood together. [THE GYM. The game's going on. As they play, the announcer's announcing] ANNOUNCER: Now the Ravens in bound with the ball. Looks like they're trying to isolate Nathan Scott on the baseline. The Masenberg defense tightens on him. Scott battles through, still working hard to get open down there. Now Tim Smith, with the ball, working over on the wing. He's dribbling, looking for Nathan underneath, but he's not there. And now- Oh! Oh! A cross court pass putting Lucas Scott over the basket. [KAREN'S in the audience. She's grinning. DAN, on the other hand, is not] ANNOUNCER: So much for the putty grip on that one as the Ravens fall back on the bench. NATHAN: [Screaming at TIM] What was that? ANNOUNCER: And I tell you what, Lucas Scott is really starting to gel with this team. [THE GYM. The game's over, and most of the people have already filtered out. NATHAN and TIM are walking across the gym, and NATHAN'S angry] TIM: He had a better angle. I'm sorry. Nathan, come on, Man. I'm just trying to win. [THE GYM. KAREN'S standing with LUCAS] KAREN: So are you excited? LUCAS: What? That we won? KAREN: No, because there's running water in the locker room. We're gonna be roughing it until tomorrow. [LUCAS laughs] LUCAS: It's okay... [THE GYM. NATHAN walks up to DAN] NATHAN: What's up, Dad? [DAN looks at him then walks away. DEB walks up to NATHAN] DEB: Nice game, sweetie. [NATHAN looks toward the direction in which DAN walked away] NATHAN: Try telling that to Dad. [As NATHAN walks over to LUCAS, he hears a woman say to her son "I'm proud of you. I'll see you later"] NATHAN: Two decent games in a row, man. Getting better or just lucky? [Pause] Team's got a party tonight. My parents' beach house. LUCAS: Why are you tell me that? NATHAN: Because I said the team, didn't I? [Pause] Look, it's kind of the off season. Might as well deal with it. [THEME SONG PLAYS] [A STREET AT NIGHT. LUCAS is driving the Body Shop truck and HALEY'S sitting in the passenger street] HALEY: The guys kidnapped you, trashed your court, threatened you with bodily harm. Party, yeah. Sure, why not? LUCAS: Okay, listen, I know it's all a setup, alright? But I'm not gonna let him screw with me. Whatever he dishes out he's going to get back double. HALEY: Do you think maybe- I mean, just maybe- he's had a change of heart? LUCAS: Hmm. That requires a heart. [THE STREET IN FRONT OF NATHAN'S PARENTS' BEACH HOUSE. PEYTON pulls to a stop. BROOKE'S in the passenger seat] BROOKE: Every time I ride with you, I swear I'm never going to do it again. [PEYTON gets out of the car, and BROOKE follows] BROOKE: Keys? PEYTON: Tempt fate. [TIM walks up to PEYTON] TIM: Peyton. You've got to talk to him. Lucas had the better shot. You saw it, right? BROOKE: Tim? Are you being pathetic? [TIM rolls his eyes and turns around just as LUCAS' truck pulls to a stop] TIM: What's he doing here? [NATHAN walks over] NATHAN: I invited him. I mean, since you guys are such great friends now. PEYTON: What are you trying to pull? NATHAN: Nothing. [LUCAS and HALEY get out of the truck and walk over] NATHAN: I wasn't sure you'd come. LUCAS: That makes two of us. NATHAN: [To HALEY] Hi. I'm Nathan Scott. [He holds out his hand and HALEY shakes it] HALEY: Um, yeah, I know, I'm Haley. [NATHAN walks inside with LUCAS and HALEY, passing PEYTON on the way. She looks suspicious] [INSIDE THE BEACH HOUSE. NATHAN, PEYTON, BROOKE, and TIM walk into a room] BROOKE: Tonight's gonna be great. [TIM smiles and the four walk past the camera, right as LUCAS enters. He's looking around. HALEY whistles] HALEY: Well. I bet their plumbing works. [LUCAS laughs] HALEY: I'm just saying... LUCAS: Alright, thanks. HALEY: Yeah. [BROOKE walks up to TIM, PEYTON, and NATHAN, and another guy and girl who are standing elsewhere in the room. BROOKE'S holding a newspaper] BROOKE: Have you guy's seen this? GIRL: Uh-uh. BROOKE: The High School Fearleader. It's a comic strip. [Pause] Wait, this is insulting, right? GUY: My dog can draw better than this. BROOKE: Really, what guy keeps his hat on during s*x? [NATHAN looks at PEYTON] BROOKE: Who is this socky person anyway? NATHAN: [Still looking at PEYTON] Yeah, I wonder. PEYTON: It's just a stupid comic strip. Who cares, right? BROOKE: It's more like sucky. Whoever it is doesn't know the first thing about it. It's like so... LUCAS: Shallow? [PEYTON looks at LUCAS] PEYTON: Where's the keg? [NATHAN'S ROOM. As DAN passes the door, he noticed DEB is in there. He steps in] DAN: You okay? DEB: He used to ask before he put stuff up. Now... I don't even know what he's interested in. [Pause] Besides basketball. DAN: Basketball. Yeah, seems like it changes from day to day. DEB: Mmm. [Pause] He talks to you, Dan. How's he been doing? DAN: Well, he's holding up considering Whitey's moved him out of his position, but it's probably temporary. DEB: I asked you how he is, not how he's playing. It must be confusing for him with Lucas on the team now. [Pause] Were we going to talk about that? DAN: I think that's probably temporary too. DEB: You think or you wish? [Pause] Um I, I saw Karen at the game tonight, but then... I've never really spoken to her. DAN: I know this is hard on you, Deb. DEB: No, not really. I think it's harder for you and Nathan. [BEACH HOUSE PARTY. LUCAS and HALEY are walking] HALEY: So, I know you're like, having the time of your life, but can we please make like a tree and get out of here? LUCAS: We just got here. HALEY: Whatever. You let me know when you've proved your point. I'm going to go to one of the eighteen bathrooms in this place. LUCAS: Gonna be back in five? HALEY: Yeah. LUCAS: Alright [HALEY leaves] RANDOM GUY: Hey, good game, man. LUCAS: Hey, thanks. [LUCAS walks into the dining room, where BROOKE, NATHAN, PEYTON and a few others are playing a game] BROOKE: Lucas. Come play. LUCAS: What's the game? BROOKE: I never... GUY: And yet apparently you have. BROOKE: Shut up, Vegas. NATHAN: Alright. So the game is, we all take turns saying things that we've never done, and anybody at the table who has...bam! [NATHAN holds out a cup] LUCAS: Drinks. [NATHAN nods] LUCAS: Yeah. [LUCAS takes the cup from NATHAN and takes a sip] NATHAN: Alright, Theresa, you're up. THERESA: Okay. Lets see. I've never... had s*x with anything made out of plastic. [BROOKE takes a sip and everyone laughs] BROOKE: Okay, my turn. I've never... no I did that, um... [BROOKE laughs] NATHAN: Alright. My turn. Oh, lets see. Um... I've never... I've never had a dad who wished I was a stain on the bed sheets. [PEOPLE laugh, somewhat uncomfortably. PEYTON looks at LUCAS. LUCAS glares at NATHAN, then walks over to NATHAN. He places his cup in front of him] LUCAS: Then you're welcome to mine. [NATHAN laughs. BROOKE and PEYTON look after LUCAS, worried] [A BATHROOM door. PEYTON goes to open it] VOICE: Hang on a minute. [PEYTON lets go and a toilet flushes. HALEY comes out] HALEY: Sorry. [She starts to walk by PEYTON[ PEYTON: How's the tutoring going? [HALEY stops] PEYTON: You're tutoring Nathan, right? [Pause] It's okay. He tells me everything. HALEY: Yeah. You know, he um... said he needed some help. PEYTON: Maybe you could teach him to stop being such a jackass. HALEY: I will... put that on my lesson plan. PEYTON: Just be careful, okay. HALEY: Yeah... sure. [HALEY starts to walk away] PEYTON: Does Lucas know you're helping Nathan? [HALEY doesn't answer] PEYTON: You know... you say a lot when you keep your mouth shut. HALEY: I'm... okay. PEYTON: I keep mine shut too. [A ROOM full of trophies. HALEY picks up a picture, and LUCAS knocks down another] HALEY: What happened? LUCAS: Oh, same old crap. You know, he thinks that if he keeps hammering me, I'll quit the team. HALEY: Oh. What did he do this time? LUCAS: He made some feeble comment. Not gonna let it get to me. HALEY: Yeah, obviously that's working out for you. [LUCAS laughs] HALEY: Luke... have you guys ever actually talked? LUCAS: Yeah, sure. We trade emails too. HALEY: I'm just saying you're so hypersensitive around each other. And... I get it. I just think that maybe everything he says, you take the wrong way, and vice versa. LUCAS: Okay, there is no misunderstanding what he said. And why are you defending him? HALEY: I'm, I'm just, I'm trying to bring some perspective. I mean...It's a really screwing situation and I'm sure having you around isn't any easier for him than it is for you and I think maybe if you guys could just talk... LUCAS: Okay, tell me that I'm not hearing this. HALEY: Then what are you doing here, Lucas? Obviously, you're looking for something, right? LUCAS: I'm not going to let him win. HALEY: Fine. Don't let him win. I'm gonna go. [HALEY starts to leave] LUCAS: Haley! HALEY: Nope. [As HALEY walks out of the room, she runs into NATHAN] NATHAN: Are you leaving? HALEY: Nathan...we had a deal. You promised you were gonna be nice. NATHAN: I- I am nice. I invited him to this stinking party, didn't I? HALEY: Well, what for? So you could pick on him in public? What did you say anyway? NATHAN: Oh, man. Is that what- I made a lame joke. I mean, look, the guys... sometimes we get kind of raw with each other. I was just trying to include him. He took it the wrong way. HALEY: Well, maybe you need to rethink your approach. NATHAN: Well, you're his friend. How do I handle this? HALEY: It's easy, stop being such a... [Whispered] joke. [THE PORCH OF THE BEACH HOUSE. LUCAS walks outside and PEYTON'S sitting on a swinging chair] PEYTON: He really slammed you. LUCAS: I don't care what he thinks. PEYTON: Neither do I. LUCAS: Oh yeah? Then why are you drinking? [PEYTON takes another sip] [THE DOOR TO THE PORCH. NATHAN walks by and sees LUCAS with PEYTON. He sees Tim at the video cabinet] TIM: Nathan! I can't believe your parents don't have any decent p0rn. NATHAN: Wait. I've got something. [He joins TIM at the video cabinet and hands TIM a movie] NATHAN: Put that in. GUY: What is it? NATHAN: It's a comedy. [THE PORCH. LUCAS is kneeling across from PEYTON, talking to her] LUCAS: So I'm confused. You want to be anonymous...and you let the world watch you on a web cam. PEYTON: The world isn't watching me... but I guess you are. LUCAS: Okay, the point is... you want to express yourself but you don't want people to know it's you. PEYTON: I guess I'm just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a @#%$. LUCAS: Or maybe just a tortured artist. PEYTON: Look, I don't need you defending me and my work. I don't need you analyzing it or interpreting me either. And in fact, I'm pretty sure I don't need you at all. LUCAS: Pretty sure? [LUCAS freezes as he hears his mother's name inside] [TELEVISION. There's video tape playing, showing KAREN and DAN as Prom King and Queen] WOMAN: Tree Hill High's Snowball Court King and Queen, Daniel Scott and Karen Roe. Karen, what's the secret to your success? [LUCAS and PEYTON walk in. LUCAS is upset] KAREN: Um, the secret to our success. Hmm. I don't know. Good question. Dan? DAN: Good s*x! [The audience laughs] KAREN: Be serious. WOMAN: Karen, do you think you guys will get married? KAREN: DO I think Dan and I will get married? Hmm... who knows. I mean... BROOKE: Oh my god, the hair! KAREN: But he really is the sweetest guy in the whole world. So I'm thinking, yes. Come visit us in 10 years and I bet you can meet the kids and get a tour of our big house and see how happy we are. TIM: Who's the girl? WOMAN: Okay ladies and gentleman, there's your Prom King and Queen, Dan Scott and Karen Roe. LUCAS: That's my mom. NATHAN: At least their dreams came true for one of them, right? LUCAS: Yeah, except for the happy part, right? [LUCAS slams NATHAN against a wall as he walks by. NATHAN and his friends laugh, but BROOKE and PEYTON don't] [SCENE_BREAK] [THE PIER BY THE WATER AT THE BEACH HOUSE. HALEY'S sitting on the railing when NATHAN comes up] NATHAN: I thought you left. HALEY: Yeah, uh, I tried to. If the stupid cab would ever get here. NATHAN: Well, I'm glad you stayed. [Pause] I want to thank you for holding back? HALEY: What do you mean? NATHAN: Jerk is pretty tame. You could've called me a lot worse. I probably deserved it. HALEY: Look, I've been thinking a lot about this tutoring thing. [Pause] I'm sorry. I don't, I just don't think it's a good idea. NATHAN: Because of Lucas? HALEY: Well, obviously, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking. There's no good that can possibly come of this. NATHAN: Really? I thought I saw you guys fight back there. HALEY: Meaning what, that I should keep tutoring you to stick it to him? Maybe that's how they do things in Nathan land, but I'm not going to do that to my best friend. NATHAN: Maybe you're doing me a favor then. HALEY: What does that mean? NATHAN: Sometimes I think it would be easier if I got kicked off the team. Especially with my dad. HALEY: I should go find, um, Lucas, and just, just try and smooth things over. NATHAN: He left a while ago. [HALEY nods] HALEY: Great. Well, I guess I'm walking. [THE STREET BY THE FRONT OF THE BEACH HOUSE. NATHAN and HALEY emerge next to the stairs] NATHAN: Let me give you a ride. HALEY: It's not that far. NATHAN: Forget it, you're not going to walk. We'll take Peyton's car. HALEY: I- I'm really fine. NATHAN: You're a little high on yourself, aren't you? Going around telling people you're all fine. Look, please, at least take the ride. It's the least I can do. [HALEY gets in the car and NATHAN shuts the door] [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN is in the living room, watching a game. DEB comes in] DEB: Dan. We should talk. [DEB grabs the remote and turns the TV off] DEB: You know, I try to let these things roll off my back. You shut down and walk out mid-conversation. I swallow it and let it churn around in my stomach until it makes me sick. DAN: What? Because I don't want to rehash Karen and her son for the ten-thousandth time? Frankly, I'm talked out. DEB: It's about Nathan. DAN: What about him? DEB: He's just so surly and distant lately and I fell powerless to do anything about it. And the way you're pressuring him since Lucas joined the team seems to make it worse. DAN: Me? Did you ever stop to think the problem was you? DEB: Oh. DAN: Maybe if you cared to spend more time at home DEB: I'm gone ten days out of the month, tops. DAN: And when you are here, you work 'til all hours. DEB: And you want to know why, Dan? Let me tell you. Because ever since you started this basketball thing, I feel like you've slowly been stealing him from me. You've made me feel irrelevant. I go out and I raise money for good causes and I matter out there. But at home you shut me out of his life. DAN: Shut you out? Work has always come first with you? DEB: That is not fair. You know how hard I've tried to balance both. But, I swear to God, I never would've done it if I knew how he'd turn out. DAN: He's a good kid. DEB: Based on what? His scoring average? DAN: Deb, I just want what's best for our son, what makes him happy. DEB: Well, then, something's not working, Dan. Because that kid I saw tonight is anything but happy. [DEB leaves] [BEACH HOUSE PARTY. BROOKE stumbles down the stairs drunk] BROOKE: Don't let me have another beer unless I beg you. The same goes for beers. [Pause] What are you doing? PEYTON: Just wondering if we're all going to end up like Karen. BROOKE: Who is Karen? PEYTON: That's Lucas' mom BROOKE: Not without proper birth control we won't. PEYTON: That's not what I meant. She was our age when that tape was made, Brooke. We're just like her. Don't you think it was awful how she just let Nathan's dad treat her like crap? BROOKE: Yeah. But honey, that doesn't mean we're like her. Maybe it mean's you're like her. [IN FRONT OF HALEY'S HOUSE. HALEY and NATHAN are still in PEYTON'S car. HALEY has taken the hat she was wearing earlier off] HALEY: Yeah, this is my house. Um, we're staying here while we renovate the mansion NATHAN: It's not like I was trying to show off. HALEY: Isn't that your default setting. [Pause] Sorry. NATHAN: Can I be honest with you? HALEY: Uh, yeah. I don't know. You tell me. NATHAN: What I said at the beach... that was a lie. I'm really lucky to have basketball. It's pretty much my shell to everything from here on out. If I lose it, it's over for me. HALEY: So, don't lose it. NATHAN: Well, that's just the thing. With my grades, I'm close to being ineligible to do the one thing that I'm actually good at. It's not just my life, either. It's my dad's, too. It's like he's still got something to prove to Whitey. And if I screw it up, it's gonna destroy him. [Pause] And it will destroy me. Look, I know you have no reason to do this, and I know it's just going to complicate things with Lucas, but [Pause] I really need your help. HALEY: And I will find you someone else. I promise. NATHAN: No. I came to you because you're the best tutor at the school. And you're not going to tear me down. It's not exactly easy having everybody know you're failing. It's you or nobody else. HALEY: I... [Pause] Okay. I will, um... I will get you through the semester. [Pause] And then you've got to be on your own. I'm serious. NATHAN: That's totally fine with me. HALEY: Okay, um... great, so we'll start on Monday. [Pause] Lay off Lucas. [HALEY gets out of the car and NATHAN sighs] [A STREET. Just as LUCAS is pulling to a stop in the Body Shop truck, he sees PEYTON'S car fly by. He follows is. As NATHAN changes the radio station, he crashes into a parked car and ruins PEYTON'S car. LUCAS jumps out of his truck, thinking PEYTON was driving] LUCAS: Peyton! You okay? [NATHAN gets out] NATHAN: Yeah, she's fine. Can't say the same for her car though. [NATHAN pulls a bag out of the car] NATHAN: And what the hell were you doing following my girlfriend? LUCAS: I wasn't. Look, I thought she was driving and she was drinking. [NATHAN starts to leave] LUCAS: Hey, where are you going? NATHAN: Back to the party, dumbass. LUCAS: What, are you gonna leave her car like this? NATHAN: Yeah, and if you stand there you can watch me. LUCAS: You know this is a crime. NATHAN: So call the cops. LUCAS: Nathan, you can't walk away from this. [Pause] I saw you do it. NATHAN: No you didn't see me do it. Because I was with Tim the whole time. Which is exactly what he's going to say if anybody asks him. He owes me. [Pause] So it looks like its your word against ours now. You can guess how that's going to go down. LUCAS: So you're just going to lie and walk away. What about Peyton? You know, your girlfriend? The car's registered in her name. NATHAN: Yeah, and you know what? Come to think of it, like you said, she was really drunk last night. Maybe she did this. But then again, all I see is a wrecked car... and you. [NATHAN walks away, leaving LUCAS with the car] [BODY SHOP. KEITH and LUCAS are looking at PEYTON'S car] KEITH: Hit and run, huh? That's beautiful. I could lose my license for this. LUCAS: I didn't know what else do. He just walked away. KEITH: You wanna tell me what it is with you and this girl? Huh? That you're willing to break the law for her? Nobody is worth that. LUCAS: I couldn't let Nathan get away with it the way he does everything else. And I sure as well could let him do that to her. KEITH: Okay. What about the guys car you hit? Huh? He just gets screwed over? LUCAS: I left him a note. I said I did it. Bring his car here. KEITH: Oh, well, that's just great. Lucas, you know I'm already struggling to bring in paying customers. LUCAS: Look, I'll do the work myself, alright? After hours. And I'll pay for the materials. KEITH: Oh, you're damn right you will. Your mom's going to love this. LUCAS: No. She's got enough to deal with. You don't have to tell her. KEITH: Oh, I'm not going to. You are. And if you don't, then I will. Because you're going to take something away from this. [Pause] Cover the car. I'll give you a ride home. [KEITH walks away and LUCAS goes to cover the car. In the front passenger seat he finds HALEY'S hat] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. KAREN is on the phone with a plumber] KAREN: I want to have a pipe replaced. I don't want to send your kids to college. [Pause] Fine. I'll do it myself. [KAREN hangs up and picks up a "How To" book. The door opens] KAREN: I'm sorry. We're just closing. DEB: I was hoping to get a coffee. To go. [KAREN pours DEB a cup of coffee] KAREN: Anything else? DEB: A biscotti. KAREN: $3.20. [DEB starts to walk away] KAREN: Hey. [DEB turns around] You tell Dan that if he wants to spy on me or threaten me or whatever the hell this is, he can come down and do it himself. DEB: Dan didn't send me. I came on my own. KAREN: So it's a coincidence. DEB: No. I wanted you to know... everything that happened between you and Dan, I don't carry that weight around and I don't care to. Frankly, it looks to me like you've done a wonderful job raising Lucas. I've seen the two of you together, and quite honestly, it makes me a bit jealous. Look. Our two's really awkward. I'm not deluded enough to believe otherwise. I know how it is with you and Dan and our two boys. There's a lot of history there. But it doesn't have to be our history. [NATHAN'S BEACH HOUSE. PEYTON'S watching the prom video when NATHAN gets in. It's at the part where the woman asks Karen if she and Dan will get married] PEYTON: You reinvented cruel tonight. NATHAN: [Defensive] It was a joke! PEYTON: Funny how you're the only one laughing. NATHAN: Like you and your stupid comic strip. [Pause] I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. PEYTON: I'm sorry is getting a little old with you, Nathan. NATHAN: I know. I just can't remember a time when thing's were this bad. PEYTON: Where have you been for the past two hours. NATHAN: I went on a beer run. PEYTON: To where? Canada? Nathan, I wanted to go home. But I can't because it seems my car's missing. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? NATHAN: Uh... I think Tim took it. PEYTON: You think? NATHAN: Well, he wanted to take Brooke home, so I told him he could take it. I didn't think you'd care. [PEYTON grabs a plastic cup] PEYTON: I never told a ridiculous lie to my girlfriend's face. [She holds the cup out to NATHAN] Drink up. Because Brooke got a ride home with Theresa after you disappeared. Wanna play again? NATHAN: Alright, so then it was some other girl. I don't know. What's the big deal anyway? I knew you were going to stay here. PEYTON: So you gave away my car? NATHAN: Look, whatever. I'm going to bed. Are you coming? PEYTON: Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I cannot believe you just asked me that with a straight face. [PEYTON turns around so she doesn't have to look at him] [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN'S taking off her coat as LUCAS sits down, having looked at HALEY'S hat again] KAREN: You will not believe the night I had tonight. LUCAS: Yeah, me too. KAREN: What's going on? Well, turns out fixing the water mane is not a big deal. I just have to pick up a pipe at the hardware store in the morning. And then if you help me dig out where the break is I think we can fix this ourselves. LUCAS: So now I'm digging ditches? KAREN: You mind telling me what happened before you destroy what's left of my table? LUCAS: Did you know you could fit this whole house into the living room of their place at the beach? KAREN: No. Why would you even go there? LUCAS: Because I love getting dumped on. KAREN: Well, you don't have to put up with that. You could just walk away. LUCAS: Like you. KAREN: Excuse me? LUCAS: You know, you never told me that you had this whole thing mapped out with Dan. That you even ever talked about marriage before you were pregnant with me. All you ever said was that he found out and took off. KAREN: Wait. Where did you hear this? LUCAS: Those guys... Nathan, Nathan and his @#%$ of a father. They do whatever they want. And they screw everybody else in the process. And yet you and I... we stand by and we let them? You should've made him give us what we were entitled to so that we didn't have to live like this. You should've made him pay. KAREN: Luke... what happened tonight? LUCAS: I learned something, that's all. Everybody has secrets. [Pause] Right Mom? [THE BEACH HOUSE. It's early morning, and PEYTON'S awoken by a knock on the door] PEYTON: [Screaming] Nathan! [He doesn't respond and PEYTON sees TIM at the door. She gets up to answer it] TIM: Hey, what's up? PEYTON: Did you bring my car back? TIM: Your car? Uh, I don't have your car. PEYTON: Nathan said you took my car. [NATHAN walks up behind PEYTON, giving TIM a look] TIM: Oh, um, your car. We, um, we, uh... PEYTON: Nice try. [To NATHAN] Where the hell is my car? [OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE. He's digging. KAREN walks outside] KAREN: You calm enough to talk? LUCAS: Sorry I went off. I was pissed and you were in the line of fire. KAREN: It's usually when the truth comes out. LUCAS: Yeah, well, the truth is, I'm the reason you never got what you wanted. So that kind of nullifies my right to complain. [LUCAS sits down on the step and KAREN follows suit] KAREN: Is that what you think? I got exactly what I want, Lucas. Everybody seems to think that I'm some kind of victim. I chose this. And if I had to do it over, you and I would still be having this conversation. LUCAS: Yeah, I know, I just... I hate to see them get away with it, Dan and Nathan, you know. They should've helped you out. It's not fair. KAREN: I'm glad he never offered. Because at the time, I honestly don't know what I would've said. But I can tell you this much, Lucas. If he had given us money, he'd have felt entitled to have a say in how you were being raised and I think that that would've been a bigger price to pay. [Pause] You've seen how Nathan's turned out. LUCAS: Like father, like son. KAREN: So who do you think we should feel sorry for? Ourselves or them? [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN walks in] DAN: Hey. DEB: Still not home. DAN: Oh he will be. DEB: I take it this isn't the first time you've let him stay out all night? DAN: Oh, I don't want to smother him, Deb. He's a responsible, disciplined kid. DEB: Is he? Hmm. Your brother just called. Our responsible, disciplined kid got into a hit and run last night. In Peyton's car. DAN: Is he okay? DEB: Oh, he's not hurt. But do you want to know what he did afterwards? He walked away and tried to dump it on Lucas. [DAN sighs] DAN: Well, I'll talk to him. DEB: You'll talk to him. [Pause] Is that all you have to say? DAN: What do you want me to say? DEB: I don't know anymore. But I'll tell you one thing. Seems to me you and Nathan have gotten a little too comfortable when I'm not around. So I'm cutting back at the foundation. Fewer hours and no more travel. [Pause] Try not to look so disappointed. DAN: Come on, Deb, you don't have to do this. DEB: I don't have to? Or you don't want me to? [NATHAN walks in and they look at him] NATHAN: What? [THE BODY SHOP. LUCAS walks in] KEITH: Hey, you're still alive. Guess you didn't tell your mom about your little crime spree yet, huh? LUCAS: This morning. She's working on my punishment now. KEITH: Good. You recognize that car over there? [LUCAS looks. There's a red car, scratched all the way down the side] KEITH: The owner got your note. I talked him out of pressing charges. LUCAS: Thanks, Keith. KEITH: Lets just get this done, okay? So we can get back to billing for the work we do. [NATHAN walks in] LUCAS: What do you want? KEITH: I, uh, suspect his parents sent him. LUCAS: You told them? KEITH: Yeah. You may be willing to let him get away with it but I'm not. [Pause] Try not to kill each other, girls. [KEITH leaves and LUCAS walks over to NATHAN] NATHAN: Peyton wants to know when she's going to get her car back. LUCAS: When it's fixed. NATHAN: How much is the work going to cost? LUCAS: I don't know. A lot. Why? NATHAN: Give me the invoice when it's done. My dad will right a check. LUCAS: No thanks. NATHAN: I said we'll pay you. LUCAS: You want to pay me? You stay away from me. NATHAN: Suit yourself. [NATHAN starts to walk away] LUCAS: Hey, whatever you're up to... [NATHAN stops and looks at LUCAS] LUCAS: Stay the hell away from Haley. NATHAN: We're just talking man. You know, kind of like you and Peyton. [LUCAS glares at NATHAN as he exits] [PEYTON'S ROOM. She's working on a drawing when NATHAN walks in] NATHAN: Car will be ready by Friday. PEYTON: Whatever. The bag of stuff by the door is yours. NATHAN: What's all this? PEYTON: It's all the crap you've left here. Take it. [NATHAN picks something up] NATHAN: This is the necklace I gave you. PEYTON: You mean the leash? No thanks. NATHAN: Peyton, come on. [NATHAN walks over to her] NATHAN: Look, my mom's gong to cool down and everything will be back to normal. [PEYTON gets up] PEYTON: Okay, trust me, the last thing I want with us is normal. In case you haven't noticed, normal sucks with us, Nathan. NATHAN: Peyton, is this about your car? Because I'm taking car of that. PEYTON: It's not about the car. It's about you. I finally saw you clearly for the first time last night. The way you treated me, the way you treated Tim, the way you treated your brother. NATHAN: Don't call him that. PEYTON: And the way you're playing that girl. NATHAN: What? [Pause] Are you talking about Haley? Is that what this is about? Peyton, she means nothing. PEYTON: [Angrily] Okay, if that's the case, then you're an @#%$. And eveb if she does mean something, you're still an @#%$ and what's really sad, Nathan, is that you're too stupid to get that. So thank you for being such an amazing son of a @#%$ last night. You really made this a no-brainer. NATHAN: I'll call you when you're not so PMS. PEYTON: Don't bother. I mean it. We're done. So get the hell out. [NATHAN stares at her] PEYTON: [Angrily, throwing the bag at him] I mean it! Get the hell out! [NATHAN leaves in shock. Peyton collapses onto her bed] [NATHAN'S ROOM. He's looking at the necklace] [HALEY'S ROOM. She's laying on her bed] [PEYTON'S ROOM. She's sitting up, sketching a red streetlight] [THE BODY SHOP. LUCAS is sitting in PEYTON'S car, reading her comic strip in the newspaper] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. HALEY is scrubbing the counter when LUCAS walks in] HALEY: Hey, I was beginning to think I would never see you again. You're avoiding me, right? LUCAS: A little. HALEY: Luke, I was just trying to help. You just like, jumped down my throat. We've always been able to talk about stuff, you know. I just had this crazy idea that if... you could see things from Nathan's side... [Sigh] You're just a real pain in the butt sometimes. [HALEY squirts LUCAS with a water bottle playfully] LUCAS: Yeah. At least we can still be honest with each other. HALEY: Yeah. At least. LUCAS: So, if anything were going on with you... anything important or weird, or confusing... I mean, you could still be honest with me about that, right? HALEY: Yeah, of course. [LUCAS tosses HALEY'S hat onto the counter] LUCAS: You left that in Peyton's car. [LUCAS leaves and HALEY looks after him, upset]"
"A party at Dan's beach house, complete with basketball players, cheerleaders and beer? Sounds cool. But things heat up when Nathan humiliates Lucas, then crashes Peyton's car and lets Lucas take the blame. When Lucas sees the wealth that was denied him, he finally confronts his mother about why she let Dan ignore them. Meanwhile, when Nathan's mom returns home to hear her son was involved in a hit-and-run, she turns to Karen for advice. This episode's title is inspired in the Dave Matthews Band 's song Crash Into Me ."
""A Boy in a Bush" [SCENE_BREAK] [Fade in: Auditorium. From a podium on stage, Dr. Brennan is giving a lecture to a large group of anthropology students. Behind her shines a slide showing a variety of what look to be skull fragments.] BRENNAN: As far back as 1938, the director of the F.B.I., J. Edgar Hoover, wrote to the then curator of the Jeffersonian Institution, Professor Daniel Payne, to aid in the evaluation of specimens who were thought to be irrefutably human. This was the result. [She changes the slide, and a drawing of an ape appears. The students laugh.] BRENNAN: Despite this early disagreement, the F.B.I. and the Jeffersonian have forged a mutually beneficial, if somewhat tense, relationship which survives to this day. Thank you. [The students applaud and Goodman steps to the podium.] GOODMAN: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. Are there any questions? [A girl in the audience raises her hand.] OS: GOODMAN: Yes? [She stands.] FEMALE STUDENT: How much money have you made from your book? BRENNAN: I don't really know. I have an accountant and an agent- GOODMAN (cutting her off): That's not really the kind of question we're looking for from an anthropology student. [A boy in the hand is called on.] OS: GOODMAN: Yes? [He stands.] MALE STUDENT: Did you get your agent before or after you wrote the book? [Brennan moves toward the podium to answer, but Goodman speaks first.] GOODMAN: People, Dr. Brennan is an accomplished forensic anthropologist who writes books on the side. [In the audience, Booth stands from among the students.] BOOTH: I have a question regarding role of the F.B.I. in your book: Who do you base the brilliant and insightful Special Agent Andy Lister on? GOODMAN: Oh, for God's sake. BOOTH: Because, you know, I'm pretty sure it was me. BRENNAN: What are you doing here, Booth? [Cut to: Outside the building, Brennan and Booth are walking side-by-side toward the parking lot.] BOOTH: Local police got an anonymous call saying that there were human remains in a field behind a mall in the suburbs. BRENNAN: I did an anthropological profile of the suburb as a grad student. The whole notion of a created community, a modern utopia with its own mores and rules... It's fascinating. BOOTH: Fascinating to who? BRENNAN: To "whom". BOOTH: Whom. (He sees the shiny, silver sports car they've walked up to and laughs) You've got to be kidding. BRENNAN: What? My publishers gave it to me. BOOTH: Gave it to you? BRENNAN: Book sales are pretty good. It's supposed to be a nice car. BOOTH: Gave it to you? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: Well, why'd you park crooked? BRENNAN: Well, the guy said to always park it like that. BOOTH: He's wrong. It makes you look like an idiot. BRENNAN: How about I drive for once? BOOTH: No, I cannot show up at a crime scene in that. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Because it would detract from the gravity of my F.B.I. presence. Especially if you parked crooked. BRENNAN: Why is the F.B.I. involved in the search for human remains behind a suburban mall? [Booth pulls a paper out of his jacket and hands it to her.] BOOTH: Because this boy is missing. [The paper is a missing person flier with a picture of a young boy on it.] BRENNAN: Oh... A child. BOOTH: Yeah. [Cut to: The field behind Clayton Hills Mall. The parking lot is filled with vehicles, among them squad cars and a coroner's van. Booth, Brennan, and Zack are speaking with a police officer.] POLICE OFFICER: Anonymous call came in a couple hours ago. No sign of him yet. BOOTH: How do you know it wasn't a prank? [The officer starts a recording of the call.] GIRL (on cassette player): You have to come right away! There's, like, a dead kid here, all rotted away! It's in the field behind Clayton Hills Mall. You better come! BOOTH: Well, that rings true. BRENNAN: Why anonymous? POLICE OFFICER: Kids come here to party, misbehave. BRENNAN: Adolescents and preadolescents tend to seek out their own space to establish their own society, to counter parental influence. POLICE OFFICER: You mind if I make an observation? BRENNAN: No, of course not. POLICE OFFICER: In your book, the cops come off as very one-dimensional. Why is that? BRENNAN: You mean two-dimensional. ZACK: One-dimensionality exists only in theory as a mathematical value. POLICE OFFICER: Okay. Really looking forward to your next book. [He exits.] BRENNAN: Did you bring the thermal imager? ZACK: I don't think we need it. [Brennan gives him a look.] ZACK: It makes me look like the Great Gazoo. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means, but we definitely need it, Zack. [He sighs and walks off.] [Cut to: A bit later, in the field. Zack is wearing the thermal imager, which looks like a large orange and yellow helmet over his head. We see Booth and Brennan through his point of view, in yellows, greens, and reds based off of thermal heat.] BOOTH: How's it going there, Darth? See anything on Saturn? (off of Brennan's look) Oh, please tell me you've seen at least one Star Wars movie. BRENNAN: When I was seven, and leave Zack alone. [Back to normal view.] ZACK: Can we please hurry up? It's stuffy in here. [They begin to walk.] ZACK: I should be able to see any heat residue released from decomposing bodies. [They happen upon a small area where there obviously used to be a fire. Some crates and various garbage surround it.] OS: BOOTH: Party central. BRENNAN: Because suburbs are so homogeneous, adolescents tend to rebel in predictable and uniform ways. Fire, illicit substances, wayward behavior. BOOTH: Do you think that wayward behavior would include abducting a six-year-old child? BRENNAN: It's pretty extreme. Adolescents are more likely to drink alcohol and listen to culturally inappropriate music at high volume. ZACK: I'm picking something up. [From his POV, we see mostly green as he walks through grass, but then a patch of yellow, signifying some heat, appears.] [Back to normal view, Zack takes the imager off of his head.] ZACK: Oh my God. BOOTH: What? Why'd you stop? ZACK: You can turn on your flashlight. Aim it over there. [He pulls back some high grass and we see the mostly decomposed body of a young child.] [SCENE_BREAK] [TITLE CREDITS] [Fade in: The Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. The child's body is laid out on a table on the raised center platform.] BRENNAN: Before proceeding with maceration, any general observations? Zack? ZACK: Epiphyseal fusion puts the age at approximately six to ten years, though the stature suggest younger. BRENNAN: Good. I concur. Cause of death? ZACK: Blunt trauma to the chest. [Brennan walks over to Angela, concerned.] BRENNAN: Are you all right? ANGELA: He's so small. That's all. Go on with your work. I'm okay. [Brennan returns to the table.] HODGINS: The remains were significantly degraded by insect and animal activity, mostly dog and rodent. Despite the condition of the body, he's been dead between only thirty-six to forty-eight hours. BRENNAN (gesturing towards the victim's clothes): These were found a few yards from the body. Notice that they are in perfect condition. What does that tell you? ZACK: The victim wasn't wearing them when he was killed. BRENNAN: Which suggests he was sexually assaulted. [Angela approaches the table and hands a sheet of paper to Brennan.] ANGELA: I'm done. [Brennan takes the sketch and walks to a computer screen, where the missing flier is displayed, to compare.] BRENNAN: I think we have a match. The clothing matches. It's Charles Gregory Sanders. [Cut to: The Sanders house.] OS: BOOTH: On behalf of the F.B.I., we're extremely sorry for the loss of your son. [Cut to: Inside. Booth is talking with Charles' mother, Margaret Sanders, and one of the Sanders' neighbors, Ellie Nelson.] BOOTH: And I have a few questions, I mean, only if you're up to it. [Margaret nods.] BOOTH: You have two other sons? MARGARET: Foster sons. Though I try not to make the distinction. ELLIE: Shawn and David Cook. They are brothers. I live right next door. BOOTH: Charlie was your own? MARGARET (voice breaking): Yes. Charlie was mine. BOOTH: What about Mr. Sanders? MARGARET: We divorced shortly before Charlie was even born. He works overseas. ELLIE: He doesn't even send child support. BOOTH: You mind if I ask how you afford this nice neighborhood? MARGARET: Child Services wouldn't allow a single mother to foster if she worked. I live off the proceeds of a generous trust fund my parents set up long ago. BOOTH: And the day that Charlie disappeared - all three boys went to the park? ELLIE: It's two blocks away. It's a very safe neighborhood. They walk farther to school. MARGARET: We all keep an eye out for each other around here. People are good neighbors, take an interest. [A door opens in the background.] OS: SKYLER: Mom? MARGARET: In here, Skyler. [Skyler Nelson enters with Shawn and David Cook.] ELLIE: This is my son, Skyler. SKYLER: Dad told me to bring the boys back. We gotta go on a job. DAVID: There's nothing to do here. SHAWN: Our video game's broke. MARGARET: Shawn, David, this is Agent Booth. He's gonna find out what happened to Charlie. DAVID: How're you gonna figure it out? BOOTH: Oh, I'm in the F.B.I. We always figure it out. Boys, I mean, if it's alright with your mother, maybe I could help you out with your video game. [Margaret nods, and the boys head off with Booth following behind them.] [Cut to: Brennan's office. All the squints are gathered there.] GOODMAN: These are invitations to a banquet. [He hands an envelope to Brennan.] BRENNAN: You called a special meeting to invite us to a party? GOODMAN: Don't this of it as an invitation, consider it a summons. It's for donors. [He moves to Hodgins, who stands.] HODGINS: Meet and greet, press the flesh, butt kiss... GOODMAN: I don't like it any more than you do, but these people fund our research, and all they want in return is to rub elbows with a scientist every once in awhile. [He walks toward Angela.] HODGINS: I can't make it. BRENNAN: Yeah, me neither. ANGELA: I have a date that night. GOODMAN (handing her an invitation): You don't even know when it is. [Zack raises his hand.] GOODMAN (passing him an envelope as well): Yes, Mr. Addy? ZACK: What kind of food will there be? GOODMAN: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated. It's a subpoena. A grand-jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril. BRENNAN: You're not gonna fire us if we don't go. GOODMAN: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spot to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride. ZACK: The shuttle smells like feet. BRENNAN: I know when I'm beat. I'm in. ANGELA: What the hell, it's a party. ZACK: Do I have to wear a tie? GOODMAN: Formal wear. I've arranged for a limo to pick us up here. HODGINS: Not me. I'm not afraid of parking or feet. ZACK: Wait, you drive me to work. You can't just think of yourself. GOODMAN: Repercussions and consequences, Dr. Hodgins. I'm your boss, and you will go to this banquet. [Hodgins snaps a rubberband that's around his wrist as Goodman exits, and Angela takes notice.] [Cut to: The Sanders house. Booth is helping the kids with their video game.] DAVID (as Booth puts a controller back together): Do you know what you're doing? BOOTH: Yeah. I can fix anything. DAVID: Cool. BOOTH: You guys, uh, you guys have girlfriends? DAVID: I do. SHAWN: Her name's Leila. BOOTH: Leila. Leila. DAVID: I thought you were gonna ask us questions about Charlie. BOOTH: Yeah, so which one of you puny mortals wants to challenge me first? SHAWN: Oh, me! [They start playing, and Shawn eyes Booth a bit suspiciously.] [Cut to: The Jeffersonian, Zack's office.] BRENNAN: You about to clean the bones? ZACK: Yes. I'm warming up the boiler now. BRENNAN: Something wrong? ZACK: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on. BRENNAN: That's a valid observation, Zack, but it's not helpful to the investigation. ZACK: Sorry, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: I was at Waco, Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire. Seventeen of them. ZACK: So, you're saying I'll get used to it? BRENNAN: No, I'm saying you'll never get used to it. We're primates. Social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young. Even from each other. ZACK: So, I'm always going to feel terrible? BRENNAN: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box. ZACK: I am not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Focus on the details. ZACK: Details. Yeah, I can do that. [They walk over to where the bones are laid out on a table.] ZACK: No trauma to the skull. No compound fractures. Charlie was not beaten to death or dismembered. BRENNAN: It helps not to refer to the victim by name. ZACK: Greenstick fractures on ribs four, five, six, and seven. And the sternum is snapped transversally from the tip to the xiphoid. BRENNAN: Okay, what does that indicate? ZACK: The victim's chest was struck by a heavy, blunt object. BRENNAN: Are you completely certain we've learned everything we can from the body at this stage of decomposition? ZACK: I've been over everything at least three times. BRENNAN: Smell the mouth. [He does so.] BRENNAN: Anything behind the typical smells of decomposition? ZACK: Some kind of chemical. Chloroform. Something used to render the boy unconscious. BRENNAN: Take samples from the mouth, jaw, sinuses, and... what's left of the esophagus. Kids make it harder, Zack. [She exits, and he looks down at the body for a moment.] [Cut to: Outside the Sanders house, Booth exits with Shawn, David, and Margaret.] BOOTH: All right, look, you beat me bad. DAVID: No wonder you don't have a girlfriend. MARGARET: David! BOOTH: It's okay, Mrs. Sanders. It's alright. No, I do have a girlfriend. SHAWN: Is she pretty? BOOTH: Nah, she's butt ugly. Got a glass eye, snaggly back teeth. So, was Leila with you the day that Charlie disappeared? DAVID: Uh, yeah, actually. We stopped and played some video games at the arcade. BOOTH: That must've been before you and Charlie went to the park. MARGARET: You didn't go to the mall that day, David. [She looks at David, who looks away.] MARGARET: Shawn? DAVID: Don't ask Shawn, mom. BOOTH: You met Leila at the mall, didn't you? You left Charlie with Shawn at the park. DAVID: Well, just for a few minutes, and then they came back to the mall. MARGARET: David! DAVID: Shawn let go of his hand for a second, Charlie was gone like that! [Across the street, Skyler and his father load up a truck to go off on an extermination job.] DAVID: And then we came straight home. BOOTH: Charlie wasn't taken from the park, he was snatched from the mall. We've been looking in the wrong place. OS: MR. NELSON: Come on, son. Let's go. [Cut to: Jeffersonian lab. Hodgins places the victim's jawbone into a plastic box and replaces the lid. Angela approaches.] ANGELA: What's with the rubber band? HODGINS: Methyl oxide vapor in this chamber will bind to whatever compound Charlie breathed in before he was killed. [Angela reaches over and snaps the rubber band.] HODGINS: Ouch! ANGELA: It's an anger management technique, right? HODGINS: The key there is management, which is what I'm doing. Managing my anger. [The box fills with vapor.] HODGINS: There'll be a color change. Red for pnictogens and chalcogens, and blue for halogens. ANGELA: I get that you're a little off-kilter. Mad at the government, conspiracy of dunces, all that. Maybe even furious that you've had to mount a little boy's jawbone inside a box to find out what killed him. What I don't get is why going to a banquet makes you angry. [The vapor starts to clear, and the bone glows blue in areas.] HODGINS: Halogens it is. I'm gonna scrape off the particles and see if the mass spectrometer can identify what type of halogen. ANGELA: Anger is only fear, turned inwards. [She moves to leave, but stops to snap the rubber band against his wrist one more time. He flinches, and she exits.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Brennan, Angela, and Booth are looking at her computer monitor.] ANGELA: There are twenty surveillance cameras taking stills every two seconds throughout the mall, including access corridors and parking lots. I concentrated on the ones aimed at the public concourse. BOOTH: Okay, ten thousand people a day go through that mall. How are we gonna find one small kid? BRENNAN: Angela designed a mass recognition program to apply body types to skeletal remains. ANGELA: Endomorph, ectomorph, mesomorph, that sort of thing. I modified it to scan two dimensional images. In this case, we're looking for body masses roughly congruent with Charlie, Shawn, and David. [She points at the screen.] ANGELA: There's David. BOOTH: You're actually one of them. ANGELA: One of who? BOOTH: A squint. I mean, you look normal and you act normal, but you're actually one of them. ANGELA: This whole mass recognition program was Brennan's idea. I'm completely normal. Really. BOOTH: Yeah, maybe before you got this job. But now... BRENNAN (pointing at the screen): I see Charlie. BOOTH: Oh. That's him, all right. ANGELA (whispering): Oh, God. BRENNAN: Ange? Are you okay? ANGELA: It's just... these are probably the last pictures of this little... guy alive. Why is he alone? Why isn't anybody with him? (pause) Sorry. Max resolution is X-40 by 480 pixels per square inch. BOOTH: No, wait, he's not alone. Someone's calling him over. Can't you just zoom in? [On the screen, we see Charlie walk over to a person, who's obscured by a banner.] ANGELA: The fewer pixels that make up an image, the more the picture degrades once we zoom in on it. Did that sound too squinty? BRENNAN: Any way to enhance it? ANGELA: Well, I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrell on it. BRENNAN: I know him. He's funny. ANGELA: Funny is Will Ferrell, sweetie. Hot is Colin Farrell. BOOTH: Now look, wait. The kid was definitely moving toward someone. He wasn't struggling. He wasn't trying to get away. You know, I want to add the neighborhood kid Skyler Nelson to the list of possible suspects. ANGELA: I have one other angle, but our bad guy is still obstructed in it. [They all look at the screen.] BOOTH: Who the hell are you? [Dissolve to: Jeffersonian hallway. Angela's sitting on a bench. Brennan approaches.] BRENNAN: Are you thinking of leaving the Jeffersonian? ANGELA: I'm not really this person. [Brennan sits down.] BRENNAN: What person? ANGELA: I'm not like you. I'm not driven by the need for justice and all that. I'm a good-time girl. BRENNAN: We have good times. ANGELA: Cracking jokes over murdered skeletons is not good times. BRENNAN: I know it's harder on you than it is for the rest of us. ANGELA: No it's not. (pause) Why? BRENNAN: Because you look at their faces. We look at everything else. It's more clinical for us. For you - it's personal. When we see a murdered child- ANGELA: Honey I... I'm, no offense, I'm really not up for one of your 'it takes a village' anthropology lessons. This is the longest I've ever had a job. That's because of you. BRENNAN: If this is about hours, or time to do your own art, then- ANGELA: Just let me work on it, okay? I'm an artist. I used to draw naked guys. Now I draw dead guys. BRENNAN: Just don't decide anything without talking to me. ANGELA: Of course I won't. [She leans back and sighs. Brennan leans back as well.] [Cut to: Jeffersonian lab. Booth and Brennan walk down the corridor.] BRENNAN: I'm afraid Angela might quit. BOOTH: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Oh, because she's human. [Brennan gives him look.] BOOTH: I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, uh... Angela didn't get the same training that the rest of you got on, uh, planet Vulcan. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. [They enter a room where the skeleton is laid out and Zack is waiting.] BOOTH: She's more sensitive. ZACK: Who's more sensitive? BRENNAN: Angela. BOOTH: She likes puppies and kitties and ducklings, and, you know, Jell-O shots and, you know, dancing on bars. [He makes some music and dances a little.] BRENNAN: I know that. She's my best friend. And Angela's not the only person in the world who likes baby animals. ZACK: I never got the big attraction. BOOTH: I rest my case. She's more sensitive. ZACK: We cross-referenced the length and density of Charlie's leg bones with other children his age. The victim, I mean. [Booth stares at the skeleton for a moment, and is obviously emotionally affected by it. Zack notices.] ZACK: The thing to do is concentrate on the details. [There's a pause.] BOOTH: Let's do that. [He clears his throat.] BRENNAN: We found some abnormalities. They're bowed, and abnormally short. ZACK: Also, the victim's show freezing of the joints at the hip and knee. BOOTH: Are you saying Charlie was crippled? BRENNAN: The victim was disabled, yes. BOOTH: His mother never mentioned that. ZACK: The ribs are broken in two places, which is not typical of blunt-force trauma. BRENNAN: How do you explain that? ZACK: I'd attribute it to his medical condition and the corresponding brittleness of his bones. BRENNAN: I agree. What is that condition? ZACK: It looks like scoliosis - a bend in the spine. [Brennan walks over to the x-rays on the wall.] BRENNAN: I think it's more than that, Zack. There are multiple calcified lesions on the posterior thoracic vertebrae. That, plus Charlie's short stature, and the asymmetric length of his legs... Margaret Sanders may not be Charlie's biological mother. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN (to Zack): Test the bones for X-linked hypophosphatemia and Coffin-Lowry Syndrome. [They start to move away, but Booth stops them.] BOOTH: Whoa, whoa. Okay, hold on. Simmer down, just back up to the part where she's not his mother. ZACK: Dr. Brennan is having me check for hereditary genetic defects which are always passed from mother to child. BRENNAN: If Charlie had one, then Margaret Sanders is not his mother. [Cut to: Interrogation room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Margaret Sanders.] MARGARET: How can you say that? BRENNAN: Charlie suffered from a hereditary genetic disorder called hypophosphatemia. BOOTH: Charlie's real mother would have the same disease. BRENNAN: You do not. MARGARET: Never say I wasn't Charlie's real mother, because I was. BOOTH: Biological mother, then. Mrs. Sanders, you are not Charlie's biological mother. You want to explain that to us? MARGARET: I can't have children. That's why my husband left me. So I took in foster kids. BRENNAN: Like Shawn and David Cook. MARGARET: And Charlie. Though is name was Nathan. I got him as a baby down in Pittsburgh. Ten days old. His mother was arrested on drug charges, and Child Services brought him to me. Three weeks I had him. Then the charges were dropped. BOOTH: You kept him? MARGARET: No. I gave him back. But it nearly killed me. I stayed in touch. I bought him things - formula, stroller. I wanted to make sure he was all right. BOOTH: Nathan what, Mrs. Sanders? MARGARET: Nathan Downey. His mother was a drug addict named Janine. Christmas Day I found her dead on her kitchen floor, a needle stuck in her arm. And I could hear Charlie, crying upstairs. So I went up. BRENNAN: And you took him home. MARGARET: I looked him in the eyes, and I promised him I would never leave him alone again. And he stopped crying. I expected every day for Child Services to come looking. BRENNAN: He would've ended up back in the system anyway. MARGARET (breaking down, crying): I meant to keep him safe... and love him. And now he's dead. [Cut to: Booth's office. Booth enters, Brennan right behind.] BOOTH: I had to arrest her. BRENNAN: The story checked out. The overdose. BOOTH: She confessed to kidnapping. BRENNAN: Margaret Sanders did nothing more than respond to the anthropological imperative. She saw an orphan, and reacted. BOOTH: This is not a National Geographic study, okay? This is the suburbs. BRENNAN: Why would she kill the boy? She obviously loved him. BOOTH: There are situations, right? The kid gets sick, he doesn't turn out to be what you wanted. I bet that you could give me a dozen examples of societies that have killed their own young. BRENNAN: What about Shawn and David Cook? Where do they go now? BOOTH: Back into the system. BRENNAN: Do you have any idea how bad the foster care system is? BOOTH: Do you? What do you want to do, hmm? Do you want to kidnap them, the way that she kidnapped Charlie? BRENNAN: I want you to let them go home to Margaret Sanders. BOOTH: It's not gonna happen. [Brennan leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to: Angela's office. Angela and Zack are bent over the computer.] ZACK: Try redigitizing and resizing. ANGELA: I did. The extrapolation protocol got confused by the spread. Hey, you know Hodgins better than anybody else. So why is he so bent out of shape about this banquet? ZACK: What makes you say that? ANGELA: Because every time someone mentions it, he starts snapping that rubber band around his wrist. ZACK: I mean, what makes you think I know Hodgins better than anyone else? ANGELA: You're roommates. ZACK: I live above his garage. ANGELA: But you see a lot of each other. ZACK: Not really. ANGELA: He drives you to work. ZACK: I've never been up to the main house. ANGELA: The main house? ZACK: It's at the opposite end of the driveway on the other side of the tennis courts across from pond. [Booth enters.] BOOTH: Okay, anything on the identity of Charlie's abductor? ANGELA: I can't clear up this image any more than it is. Tell Booth what you told me about living in Hodgins' garage. ZACK: There's a bedroom, living room, kitchen, another bedroom, a den, two bathrooms- BOOTH: Great. Quite a garage. Can we focus on the case? ANGELA: How many cars does he have in that garage? ZACK: Including the antique ones, about twelve. And a boat. ANGELA: Zack has never seen the main house because the tennis courts and the pond block the view. BOOTH: Well, he must be one of those Hodgins. ZACK: Who are 'those' Hodginses? BOOTH: You know, the Cantilever Group Hodgins? ANGELA: Oh my God. ZACK: The same Cantilever Group that generates more G.N.P. than Europe? ANGELA: Get this. They are the single biggest donors to the Jeffersonian Institution. [Booth laughs.] BOOTH: That makes Hodgins your boss. ANGELA: What do you guys even talk about when he drives you to work? ZACK: I mostly sleep. Hodgins mostly yells at the radio. [On the computer screen, the abductor leads the child out of a glass door.] BOOTH: Okay, if you can't see the guy's face, maybe you can grab a reflection. ZACK: That's a workable idea. BOOTH: Well, I'd say thanks, you know, if you didn't say it like it was some kind of a miracle. [Cut to: Brennan's office. She's typing, looking very determined. [Hodgins enters.] HODGINS: Chem lab mass spectrometer identifies the particulates in Charlie Sanders' mouth as fluoride. [He looks at Brennan.] HODGINS: I recognize that look. BRENNAN: What? [He looks at the rolling board of notes.] HODGINS: You're writing another book. When you write, you get this stunned look on your face like you stuck a fork in a toaster. Am I in this one too? BRENNAN: You weren't in the last one. Fluoride? At what concentration? HODGINS: It's too high for toothpaste. BRENNAN: Put together a list of - [She sees he's not listening and reading the notes. She pushes the board away from him a little.] BRENNAN: Put together a list of anything that could conceivably contain fluoride at those levels. HODGINS: All right. Do you have time for this? BRENNAN: They gave me a car. HODGINS: Nice. Who? BRENNAN: My publisher. Now I feel like I have to earn it by writing another book. HODGINS: Fight coercion in all its forms. You don't write the book, I don't go to the banquet. Solidarity. [He leaves, Booth enters.] BOOTH: Angela has a face for the abductor. [She exits quickly. Booth sneaks a peek at the board of notes before following.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Booth, Brennan, and Angela are crowded around the computer.] ANGELA: I looked on both cameras. This one offered up more reflective surfaces. BOOTH: Right at the door. ANGELA: Check this out. BOOTH: The abductor's face. ANGELA: By polarizing the image, the computer can interpret the spaces between the white and the dark gaps and fill in the missing pieces. BOOTH: Wait. That doesn't look like an adult. ANGELA: When I repolarize the image... [The blurry picture becomes clear.] BOOTH: Shawn Cook. BRENNAN: The victim's foster brother. [Cut to: Interrogation room. Shawn Cook draws pictures in some spilled water on the table. Booth is questioning him as a child advocate sits nearby. Brennan and a juvenile prosecutor watch from outside.] BOOTH: Where were you taking Charlie, Shawn? SHAWN: I brought him to the mall to see David. BOOTH: I know you brought him to the mall. But we got a picture of you... leading him out of the mall. [He slides a printed image of the picture from Angela's computer screen in front of Shawn.] BRENNAN: Have you seen much of this kind of thing? PROSECUTOR: I'm a juvenile prosecutor. I wish I could say kids killing kids was rare. BOOTH: Where were you taking him, Shawn? SHAWN: When can I talk to Margaret? BOOTH: After you answer my questions. BRENNAN: Can he do that? Lie to a kid? PROSECUTOR: We're after a child killer, Dr. Brennan. If the child advocate in there doesn't complain, I sure as hell won't. BRENNAN: Well, what's the point of having a child advocate if he doesn't advocate for the child? PROSECUTOR: I get the impression that you're a little confused as to what side you're on, Dr. Brennan. BOOTH (lifting the hem of his shirt): Shawn, you know what that is? SHAWN: A scar? [Booth tucks his shirt back in.] BOOTH: Yeah. Got it when I was playing soldier with my brother Jared. SHAWN: Did it hurt? BOOTH: Yeah, it hurt. But it was an accident. You got any scars? [Shawn rolls up his sleeve show a few small, round marks on his arm.] SHAWN: My dad did it with a cigarette. BOOTH: He shouldn't have done that. [Shawn slides his sleeve back down.] SHAWN: Margaret didn't do anything like that. I love Margaret. BOOTH: What I need to know is if Charlie had some kind of an accident. [Shawn doesn't answer.] BOOTH: Shawn? ADVOCATE: Maybe we can just take a break. BOOTH: Shawn? PROSECUTOR: He's not being aggressive enough. BRENNAN: Foster kids are powerless. They're treated like garbage. You're in a position to do something about it, and all you have to say is 'He's not being aggressive enough'? PROSECUTOR: Dr. Brennan, you know this boy may very well have beaten a child to death with a rock? [The prosecutor exits.] [Cut to: Lab platform. Hodgins is working, and Angela walks up to him.] ANGELA: How long have we known each other? HODGINS: Do people really ever know each other? ANGELA: How come you never invited me over to your house? HODGINS: Oh, I didn't pick up that kind of vibe off you. ANGELA: I thought we were close. All of us. What else don't I know? Is Zack from another planet? HODGINS: Oh, come on. That one's obvious. ANGELA: You're rich. You single-handedly own the Cantilever Group. Don't deny, I know. HODGINS: Who else knows? ANGELA: Zack, Booth. HODGINS: Don't tell Brennan. ANGELA: Why don't you want us to know that you're actually our boss? HODGINS (harshly): I don't want to be anybody's boss. I never did. Please respect that. [Angela leaves, and Brennan enters.] BRENNAN: What's up with Angela? HODGINS: It's... job pressure. [There's a pause.] HODGINS: Fluoride at lower concentrations is used in toothpaste, instant tea, and is added to our drinking water. Which, I might add, can cause a range of conditions, brain damage- BRENNAN: Which has nothing to do with the case at hand. [Hodgins pauses a moment before continuing.] HODGINS: The concentrations found on our victim might come from wood preservatives, paint thinners, car wax, or various other industrial products. [He hands Brennan a list, and she stick it on her clipboard.] BRENNAN: Okay. Did Angela say anything about quitting her job? HODGINS: No. But we hardly know anything about each other. [Brennan exits.] [Cut to: The room where the skeleton is laid out. Brennan is writing notes as Booth enters.] BOOTH: Bones, I thought you'd like to know that Shawn and David are in emergency care. Pulled some strings, you know, to make sure they- they get to stay together. BRENNAN: That's good, thanks. BOOTH: It's the best I could do. BRENNAN: Yeah, I understand. BOOTH: No, you say you understand, but you don't. Not really. I mean, if you don't like the rule, you ignore it, right? [He steps forward and leans on the table.] BOOTH: I can't have that. And if you want to do this- BRENNAN: Do what? BOOTH: Work on cases, you know, with me. Outside the lab. If you wanna do that, I need to know that you will respect the law. BRENNAN (voice breaking): Tell you what, if I can't respect the law, I can at least respect you. BOOTH (a little surprised): Well- Yeah, that'll work, too. I mean it kind of comes out of nowhere, but- [Brennan notices the pencil he broke when he leaned on the table. It now sits in three pieces.] BRENNAN: Look what you did. BOOTH: It's a pencil. I'll get you a new one. BRENNAN: The victim was killed by trauma to the chest, but the ribs are broken in two places, not just one. BOOTH: Uh, because of the, uh, brittle bones. Because of his disease. BRENNAN: Well, that was my assumption, but there's another explanation. [She moves to leave, but he blocks her.] BOOTH: Yeah, whoa. What's the other explanation? BRENNAN: Compression. [She leaves, and he follows.] BOOTH: Like Charlie Sanders was crushed to death? BRENNAN: Yes. Greenstick fractures. Vertebral and sternal. [She holds up the broken pencil.] BRENNAN: See? BOOTH: Hey, Shawn Cook outweighed Charlie Sanders by, what, thirty pounds? How could he have crushed him to death? [They come across Angela as they enter the lab.] BRENNAN: Angela, we need to run some scenarios through the Angelator. [She walks off, and Booth and Angela move to follow. Hodgins enters from behind.] HODGINS: Angela, Booth! [They stop.] HODGINS: Zack has been informed that if he tells anyone who I am, I will kick him out on the street like a stray dog. Sadly, there is nothing I can threaten you two with. ANGELA: Yeah, that's a shame. HODGINS: What I want out of my life is to come in here and sift through slime and bugs. Unfortunately, my family is one of those who secretly run the world. BOOTH: Paranoia and delusions of grandeur all in one package. [Booth and Angela start to walk away.] HODGINS: You call it paranoia, I call it the family business. Please could you just stop! [They do, and turn back.] HODGINS: The reason that I do not want to go to that banquet is that the other members of the ruling elite will make a big fuss about seeing me. My secret will be out and my life, this life that I love, will be ruined. I'm asking you, please, please just let me be Jack Hodgins who works in the lab. [He exits.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Brennan, Booth, and Angela are around the Angelator where an image of Charlie Sanders is showing.] ANGELA: Charlie was three feet, four inches tall and weighed fifty-eight pounds. BRENNAN: And Shawn? ANGELA: Shawn Cook is 1.4 meters tall and weighs 31 kilograms. BOOTH: His brother David was 5'8", 150 pounds. ANGELA: 1.75 meters, 68 kilograms. BRENNAN: At first, I thought the break to Charlie's sternum was caused by blunt trauma because it only ran along one fault line. But when Booth broke my pencil, I realized there's another way to cause the same type of injury. Compression. ANGELA: Hodgins found no particulates that suggested crushing. BRENNAN: Body weight. There has to be enough weight on the victim to stop the abdomen from moving so no air can get into the lungs. [On the Angelator, a pair of legs appears on top of Charlie's horizontal form, and the bones of both people are shown through their bodies.] BRENNAN: Prolonged pressure caused the sternum to snap in half and the ribs to break. [On the Angelator, the pressure of the body on top of Charlie causes the ribs to snap. Angela is obviously emotionally affected by this visual and turns away slightly. Brennan looks over at her.] ANGELA: Sorry, sorry. I entered real-world variables, taking into account Charlie's size and the amount of pressure... [The visual runs through again, and Angela pauses for a short moment.] ANGELA: ...that was required to break Charlie's sternum in the way that it was broken. BOOTH: What did you end up with? ANGELA: 86.2 kilograms. BOOTH: What's that in American? BRENNAN: 190 pounds. BOOTH: Yeah. ANGELA: Way too much for either of the Cook kids or Margaret Sanders. BOOTH: I'd put the neighborhood kid Skyler at about 160 pounds. BRENNAN: It can't be him either. BOOTH: We should be looking for a full-grown man. BRENNAN: You have to get Shawn to tell you where he took Charlie when they left the mall. BOOTH: He won't talk to me. BRENNAN: Let me do it. BOOTH: Uh, no. You know, people are not your strong point, Bones. And besides, he's not going to care how many facts you put in front of him. BRENNAN: Could you just go with me on this one, Booth? We're trying to catch a killer. Let me help. BOOTH: When's the last time you even talked to a kid? BRENNAN: I know what to say. [Cut to: The interrogation room. Booth and the juvenile prosecutor from before are watching from outside as Brennan talks to Shawn as the child advocate observes.] BRENNAN: Do you remember me, Shawn? SHAWN: The museum lady. The one who's so smart. BRENNAN: Yeah, I'm pretty smart. PROSECUTOR: And very modest. BOOTH: Oh, believe me, she is being modest. BRENNAN: Smart enough to know that you didn't kill Charlie. You don't have to say anything, Shawn. Just listen. They give you a garbage bag to carry all your stuff, like they're telling you everything you own is garbage. And then you have to go to a new school in clothes that smell like garbage bags. SHAWN: All the regular kids know you're a foster kid. How do you know what it's like? BRENNAN: They bounce you from place to place, and it's never home. Sometimes the foster parents are nice. SHAWN: Like Margaret? BRENNAN: Yeah. And sometimes they separate you from your brother. It must have been nice with Margaret, staying with David. SHAWN (starting to cry): We got bunk beds. At night, I knew David was there. Like he was guarding me. Margaret's nice. BRENNAN: You'd do almost anything to stay with Margaret, right? [Shawn nods.] BRENNAN: The man you took Charlie to, the man who hurt him, he knows that. You didn't know that he'd hurt Charlie, but he did. And then he told you that Margaret would blame you, that she'd hate you. But this man is lying to you, Shawn. I can make sure that you go back to Margaret. SHAWN: How? You work at a museum. BRENNAN (looking pointedly through the one-way mirror at Booth): I have a friend at the FBI. If I ask him to, he will make sure that you and David get to live with Margaret again. ADVOCATE: Dr. Brennan, you can't make promises like that. BRENNAN: Yes, I can. He will do it. My friend will make it happen. BOOTH: Oh, man. BRENNAN: But you have to tell me who hurt Charlie. BOOTH: I'm gonna need your help to keep the promises she made to that boy. PROSECUTOR: Hey, I- I can't promise- BOOTH: Mrs. Johnson, my people and your people are gonna have to make this happen. SHAWN: What if Margaret doesn't want me anymore? Charlie was her real son. BRENNAN: Charlie wasn't her biological son either. Charlie was just like you: someone that Margaret chose to love. I don't think we should let that man take you and David and Charlie away from Margaret, do you? [Shawn shakes his head.] BRENNAN: We should stop him. You and I should stop him. [Shawn sits in silence, crying for a moment, before wrapping Brennan in a hug. He whispers something into her ear.] BOOTH: She did it. She got his name. [Cut to: The street outside the Sanders house. Booth pulls up as Skyler and his father are loading up their vehicle to go off on a job. Starsailor's 'Some of Us' plays in the background as Booth arrests Mr. Nelson.] BOOTH: Edward Nelson, you are under arrest for the sexual assault and murder of Charlie Sanders. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you free of charge... [Cut to: Angela's office, the song still playing. She sets the missing poster and her sketch of Charlie side-by-side, and sighs.] [Cut to: Lab platform. The song continues as Hodgins takes the jaw bone he had tested and puts it on a tray Zack holds. He looks away as Zack exits.] [Cut to: The Sanders house, music still playing. Booth leads Edward Nelson to the FBI vehicle in handcuffs as Brennan watching Mrs. Nelson talk to her son. Both Booth and Brennan watching as Skyler hugs his crying mother. Their eyes meet before Booth exits.] [Cut to: The Jeffersonian. Zack, with a shaking hand, places the jawbone in a coffin with the rest of Charlie's skeleton and shuts the lid. Two men in suits somberly take the casket out of the room as Zack watches, emotional.] [Cut to: FBI building. Booth enters with Margaret Sanders.] MARGARET: Boys. [David and Shawn rush up and hug her.] DAVID and SHAWN: Mom! [Booth and Brennan lock eyes over the hugging family.] OS: SHAWN: Are we gonna be a family again? OS: MARGARET: Oh, you betcha. [Cut to: Brennan's office. The song fades out. Booth enters.] BOOTH: We have him cold. The insecticide he was using on the termites matches the fluoride concentration perfectly. Skyler's dad admitted everything. BRENNAN: Don't tell me, he said crushing Charlie to death was a mistake. BOOTH: He never abused Shawn Cook, he just used him to get near Charlie. It played out just like you said. He had Charlie out in that field. Some teenage kids, they come by, so he knelt on Charlie to keep him from crying out. Shawn got scared and ran back to his brother. BRENNAN: Charlie was small and weak. His sternum collapsed. You think he abused any other kids. BOOTH: Yeah, probably his own son. BRENNAN: You report that to Child Services? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Try to get the kid some help. [He pauses.] BOOTH: Look, I'm sorry. BRENNAN: For what? BOOTH: You have personal experience in the system. [Brennan pauses for a moment.] BRENNAN: I was a foster child until my grandfather got me out. BOOTH: Yeah, when you said 'They take you away from your brother,' I kind of had the feeling you weren't talking about David Cook. BRENNAN: Booth, I'll tell you all about it one day, but tonight I have to get dressed for a party. BOOTH: Oh. Okay, Bones. [He moves to leave.] BRENNAN: By the way, there's a huge ding in my passenger-side door because you told me not to park it at an angle. BOOTH (laughing): What? BRENNAN: Okay, that's just mean. You're mean. BOOTH (still laughing as he exits): Sorry. [Cut to: Lab. Goodman enters, where Angela, Zack, and Hodgins are already standing. With the exception of the latter, they are all dressed in formal attire.] GOODMAN: That is not a tuxedo, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: I am not going, Dr. Goodman. GOODMAN: You are going. [He sticks a nametag in Hodgins' lab coat pocket.] GOODMAN: When we arrive, the donor's will all be wearing nametags. [He hands a nametag to Zack.] ZACK: What do we talk about? GOODMAN: Your work, of course. [He moves to Angela.] ANGELA: Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs. HODGINS: Leave me out of it. I'm not going. GOODMAN: And how do you see your job? ANGELA: I draw death masks. GOODMAN: Is that really how you see it? ANGELA: Don't you? GOODMAN: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro. You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body. You give victims back their faces, their identities. You remind us all of why we're here in the first place. Because we treasure human life. [She pauses for a moment before stepping forward and wrapping Dr. Goodman in a hug.] GOODMAN: Oh, for God's sake. [Brennan enters in a formal dress.] BRENNAN: What happened? ZACK: Apparently all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone. GOODMAN (scolding): Mr. Addy. [Booth enters.] BOOTH: Dr. Goodman, we need Hodgins in the lab tonight. [He hands an evidence bag of dirt to Hodgins.] BOOTH: FBI needs this analyzed by morning. HODGINS: Uh, I'll get right on it. GOODMAN: Wait a minute, what case file is this? BRENNAN: Am I supposed to know about it? ANGELA: Booth mentioned it to me earlier today. BRENNAN: That's good enough for me. GOODMAN (conceding): Fine. You're off the hook, Dr. Hodgins. Let's not keep the limo waiting. [He leaves, and Angela and Zack exit with him.] HODGINS (to Booth): Thanks. [Hodgins exits as well, and Starsailor's 'Some of Us' starts playing again.] BOOTH: You look nice. Better than nice, you look, uh... very... BRENNAN: Thanks. BOOTH: Bones, how did you know I was gonna keep your promise? BRENNAN: What promise? BOOTH: To get Shawn and David back with Margaret Sanders. BRENNAN: Maybe I was lying. To catch the bad guy. I learned that trick from you. The end justifies the means. [Booth moves to leave.] BRENNAN: Booth. [He stops, turns back.] BRENNAN: I knew you'd back me up. I knew you wouldn't make me a liar. BOOTH: Hmm. How did you know? BRENNAN: Because you want to go to heaven. BOOTH: But you don't believe in heaven. BRENNAN: But you do. [They smile at each other, and part ways.] [Fade to black.]"
"Brennan, working hard on her latest novel, is enlisted by Booth to help locate and identify the remains of Charlie, a 6-year-old who went missing from a local park. Brennan determines that Charlie was sexually assaulted before he was murdered, which leads Booth to conclude they're on the hunt for a serial pedophile. When the prime suspect is eliminated, Booth and Brennan pay a heartbreaking visit to Charlie's mother, Margaret, to inform her that Charlie's killer is still on the loose. Suspicion creates uncertainty - among even the people closest to Charlie - and Brennan and Booth must investigate all leads, no matter whom the information points to."
"EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR SPEEDS ALONG THE ROAD AND INTO THE WATER) (SFX: HUGE SPLASH) [SCENE_BREAK] UNDERWATER - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR SINKS TO THE LAKE FLOOR) (FADE OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: No, for the twenty third time. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) KATE: Are you going to answer that? TONY: I'm in hell, Kate. KATE: Well, do they have money there? Because you owe me... forty three dollars and eighty six cents for lunch this week. TONY: I will gladly pay you today if you'll answer this call for me. KATE: Yeah? Who is it? TONY: Crazy ex-girlfriend. Haven't seen her since college. KATE: Stalker? TONY: More like a stalk-him. KATE: What do you want me to say to her? TONY: I don't know. Tell her you're my wife or something. She's been calling nonstop for two days. So I'm begging you here, Kate. Please. KATE: You pay me back today. TONY: Sure. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Me? Oh, I am Tony's wife. Uh, yes. We got married a few years ago. (WHISPERS TO TONY) We have kids? (INTO PHONE) Two. Yes. And we're very, very happy. So please don't call back again. (TO TONY) I feel like I need a shower. (HANGS UP PHONE) TONY: Pay the lady, Probie. MCGEE: He bet me forty dollars he could get you to say you're his wife today. KATE: Tony, I'm going to kill you. GIBBS: DiNozzo, pull the case file on Lieutenant Brian McAllister. TONY: McAllister? We going after more treasure hunters, boss? MCGEE: Treasure hunters? TONY: Before your time, Probie. McAllister disappeared two years ago. His family offered a million dollar reward to anyone who could find him. KATE: I had a few friends in the Secret Service who used to work that case on the weekends. TONY: It was the Holy Grail for every amateur detective on the East coast, Kate. MCGEE: So what happened? TONY: Nothing - cold case. GIBBS: Not anymore. CINDY AMES: (ON TV) Thousands have searched for the heir to the McAllister Industries' fortune. Each hoping to collect the one million dollar reward offered by his famous family. Today, private investigator Monroe Cooper believes he's one step closer to solving the mystery. Mister Cooper, is it true that you have finally found Brian McAllister? (SFX: TV CLICKS OFF) MCGEE: Whoa. Whoa. Boss, that was... that was Monroe Cooper! The man who can solve the unsolvable. He's a... a famous detective. GIBBS: Do I look like I care, McGee? MCGEE: No. GIBBS: Grab your gear. We're going to Black Lake. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VAN - MOVING KATE: Lieutenant Brian McAllister, graduated Annapolis in ninety-seven, third in his class. He vanished somewhere between October fourth and the seventh, two thousand and two. No leads. TONY: Thing I don't get is why a guy worth millions would join the military in the first place. GIBBS: You think money has anything to do with patriotism, DiNozzo? TONY: No, I'm just saying if I were rich, you know, I would do nothing. KATE: I thought your parents were loaded. TONY: They are. KATE: So why do you work for the government then? GIBBS: Because they know what their son would do with the money. TONY: I can't even get an advance on the will, Kate. GIBBS: Hey, McGee! MCGEE: Yeah, boss? GIBBS: What about that private dick, Cooper? MCGEE: Yeah. Uh... he's a former NYPD detective, works mostly for insurance companies and celebrities now. He makes a lot of money solving cases like this. Guy's a... he's kind of a cross between Columbo and Sherlock Holmes. (SFX: VAN HITS A POTHOLE) KATE: You know, we really should get a seat belt back there. Hey! What the hell are you doing? TONY: I'm looking for my fork. KATE: Well I can guarantee is not there! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BLACK LAKE - DAY GIBBS: Tony, grab the gear. See if McGee's still alive. TONY: On it, Boss. GIBBS: Special Agent Gibbs, Todd, NCIS. LESTER: We've been waiting for you to show up. Sheriff Deke Lester. That detective fella, Cooper, he thinks that missing McAllister kid's in there somewhere. GIBBS: Yeah. Is he? LESTER: I can't say, but my divers found a Chrysler convertible sitting on the bottom. KATE: Lieutenant McAllister owned a Chrysler convertible. Disappeared with him, Gibbs. LESTER: I'm fixing to pull it out. Once we ID the vehicle we can decide on who's got jurisdiction. GIBBS: Works for me, Sheriff. Where is Cooper? LESTER: I don't rightly know. I imagine he's off detecting or something. RADIO: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey Deke, we've got the chains set here. LESTER: Let's haul her up. RADIO: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, Sir. LESTER: You ready to see what we caught, Agent Gibbs? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TRUCK - DAY TONY: Hurry it up, Probie. MCGEE: You sure this is necessary? I kind of feel like a dork. TONY: You are a dork. No no no no. Bad move. MCGEE: What? TONY: If Gibbs catches you reading instead of working, you're history. MCGEE: It's not for reading. I'm hoping I can get Detective Cooper to sign it. The lead character in the book is based on him. TONY: "Celebrity P.I.?" Never heard of it. No! MCGEE: I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it. There's no pictures in it. TONY: Did you say something, Probie? MCGEE: Yeah. I'm not a dork. TONY: Whatever you say, Sponge Bob. (SFX: HOIST) LESTER: Take it slow now, Charlie! TONY: I think it's safe to say that car's not going to run again. LESTER: All right, hold it right there. GIBBS: All right, Kate. KATE: The Lieutenant's tags, Gibbs. LESTER: Congratulations, looks like you found your missing sailor. GIBBS: Not yet. COOPER: I think you'll find that pile of bones is McAllister, Special Agent... GIBBS: Gibbs. And I'll wait for my M.E. to determine that. COOPER: Oh of course. Monroe Cooper. GIBBS: (READS) The man who solves the unsolvable. COOPER: So you've heard of me? GIBBS: No. It's on your card. COOPER: My publicist's idea. Works great with the yokels. GIBBS: How'd you track this vehicle to Black Lake? COOPER: Leg work. Luck. My gut. GIBBS: Does it say that on your card, too? COOPER: I have a policy, Agent Gibbs. You share information with me, and I share it with you. We have a deal? GIBBS: That kind of goes against my policy, Cooper. COOPER: Which is? GIBBS: Throw people in jail who obstruct my investigations. COOPER: Uh-huh. I'll try to keep that in mind. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: Well the dental records are conclusive, Jethro. This is our missing Lieutenant. GIBBS: Any idea how he died? DUCKY: After two years in the water? Difficult to say. Do you suspect foul play? GIBBS: Oh, you know me, Duck. I suspect everything. DUCKY: Yes, an admirable trait in an investigator. And also the reason your three marriages ended in divorce. GIBBS: Oh yeah? All these years I thought it was because I was a b*st*rd. DUCKY: Well, of course, that didn't help. There is evidence of hairline fracture on the frontal lobe of the skull. GIBBS: Cause? DUCKY: Well, it's consistent with most vehicle accidents, possibly from contact with the steering column. GIBBS: What about drugs? DUCKY: Well, in this state, a toxicological screen would be useless. However, drugs are a possibility. GIBBS: Too many of those, Duck. Too many. DUCKY: Well, my current opinion is that Lieutenant McAllister met with a tragic accident. Most likely he drowned. GIBBS: Keep looking. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) DUCKY: Your last boy, Yurich. JIMMY: Did you meet any of his wives? DUCKY: I introduced him to the last one. JIMMY: Really? What went wrong? DUCKY: It's difficult to say, Mister Palmer. She doesn't talk to me anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY TONY: (LAUGHS LIGHTLY) You know what movie this reminds me of, Kate? KATE: The Wizard of Oz? ABBY: I'll get you, my pretty! TONY: No. I meant the one they make you watch in high school. Thirty minutes of cops pulling dead teenagers out of car wrecks. ABBY: Oh, my god! I love those! Blood on the Highway. Drink, Drive, Die! I keep hoping they're going to release them on DVD. TONY: Yeah, me too. ABBY: Yeah. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: What do we have? TONY: Ah hey boss. I found a suitcase in back. Looks like he packed enough for about a weekend. Dive team will be back with the stuff from the debris field in a few hours. GIBBS: Abs? ABBY: The brake lines are corroded, but they're intact. Something's stuck. Whoa. Hey, Kate. I've got a present for you. I think it's one of your ex-boyfriends. TONY: It's a cold fish! Get it, Kate? MCGEE: I don't think this was an accident. It's a bullet. GIBBS: McAllister was murdered. (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY B.G.) (MUSIC CLICKS OFF) GIBBS: Your speakers are broken. ABBY: Oh, Gibbs. That was the best part of the song. GIBBS: Correction. Your ears are broken. What did the divers find? ABBY: Actually, it's more like what didn't they find. My theory is they're getting paid by the piece. They recovered everything within a twenty meter radius of the vehicle. Sunglasses, golfballs, Rick James eight-track, typewriter. I didn't see any point in bringing the Maytag up from the evidence lockup. GIBBS: Anything to do with the case? ABBY: As a matter of fact, found directly beneath the vehicle... can you hear me now? I might be able to recover some data from the memory chip. GIBBS: What about the bullet we brought up from the wreck last night? ABBY: Forty five caliber, two hundred and thirty grain hardball. Lots and lots of stopping power. The grooving matches a Colt forty-five, old-school military version. GIBBS: Did you work up a trajectory, yet? ABBY: Of course. The bullet's entry angle into the side of the door is obvious as Anna Nicole's implants. GIBBS: Who? ABBY: You know, married that old guy? Had a TV show? Got fat, got thin, got fat, got thin, fat, thin-- GIBBS: Stop! ABBY: So using that angle, I back-traced the trajectory. The bullet traveled on this path. So unless he was driving with his feet from the backseat, which is something that I have tried but do not recommend... GIBBS: Abby? ABBY: The round had to have gone through McAllister's body. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY DUCKY: It's entirely possible, Jethro, but if Abby's animation is correct, the bullet passed clean through the thoracic cavity. Unfortunately, without leaving any evidence of its passing. GIBBS: Hell of a shot. DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: The vehicle had to be going over seventy to end up where we found it in the lake. DUCKY: Well, at that speed a bullet passing through the ribcage without so much as glancing a single bone... huh! A hell of a shot, indeed. GIBBS: More like impossible. Thank you, Duck. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: Doctor? DUCKY: He means the vehicle was stationary when Lieutenant McAllister was shot, Mister Palmer. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) Lieutenant McAllister was last seen in Norfolk on a Friday. Then found three hundred miles away in Black Lake, Virginia. (ON CAMERA) Which would make sense if he was heading here to the McAllister Family compound in Shenandoah. MCGEE: So he was heading home for the weekend? KATE: Another twenty miles and he would have made it, McGee. GIBBS: DiNozzo? TONY: TONY: McAllister's military records are spotless, Boss. Been running background on his family. Mother died in ninety three. Father passed away in two thousand two... three months after the Lieutenant disappeared. The only surviving next of kin is this guy. Thomas McAllister, his younger brother. (CONT.) Washed out of Annapolis freshman year. Arrested a bunch of times for suspected DWI and marijuana possession. Never convicted. KATE: Figures, the rich never are. TONY: Even richer now, Kate. He inherited everything. He's currently the CEO of his own airline. MCGEE: The Good Son and the Bad Seed. KATE: Very Biblical. TONY: The Navy notified him last night about his brother. CACO said he took it pretty well. NCIS WORKER: Lunch! KATE: Oh, thank you. I took the liberty of ordering lunch today. Something healthy for once. There you are. They're tofu veggie wraps. They're good, Tony. Abby and I eat them all the time. GIBBS: DiNozzo, track down the bad seed. I want to know what he was doing around the time his brother disappeared. TONY: Yeah, I already set up an interview for later this afternoon, Boss. GIBBS: Take Kate. McGee, contact Cooper. I want to know how he found that vehicle. MCGEE: So we're going to cooperate with him? GIBBS: No, McGee, he's going to cooperate with me. KATE: I'll be right back. I'm just going to run this down to Abby. Enjoy. (SFX: ALL THROW VEGGIE WRAPS IN TRASH CAN) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HANGAR - DAY (SFX: CAR DOORS CLOSE) KATE: Beyond first class? You gotta be kidding me. You might as well call it Rich Jackass Airways. TONY: I think it sounds cool. KATE: You would. TONY: What's that supposed to mean? KATE: Nothing, Rockefeller. TONY: Oh, I get it. So because I grew up with money that somehow makes me bad. Very deep. KATE: Well, it's better than having to work everyday like I had to. TONY: Listen, do you think money makes life easier? Huh? Everything was just a big ol' cakewalk for little Anthony DiNozzo? You tell me, Kate, because I really want to know. KATE: I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't mean anything by it. TONY: Because do you want to know the answer to your question? Yes. Money makes a huge difference. Huge. I miss it every single day of my life so much it makes me want to cry. KATE: You're pathetic. TONY: It's part of my charm. KATE: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - DAY TONY: All right, let's find this little twinkle toes .... Hey, there. We're looking for your boss, Thomas McAllister. Is he around? THOMAS: You'll have to hold on a second. Could you pass me that socket wrench, please, Miss? KATE: Is he even here or shall we stop by a country club or something? THOMAS: I'm Tom McAllister. TONY: Agents Todd, DiNozzo. NCIS. KATE: Do you always work on your own planes, Mister McAllister? THOMAS: Whenever I can find time in my busy social schedule down at the club, Agent Todd. KATE: I'm sorry about that. I didn't... THOMAS: It's fine. You would have been right a couple years ago. And please, call me Tom. KATE: Kate. So, do you own all these planes? THOMAS: Me and the bank. That's my new one out there. I plan on taking it for a test flight today if you're interested. TONY: You don't seem too broken up for a guy who just lost his brother, Tom. THOMAS: I've known he's been dead for quite some time, Agent DiNozzo. The first week you expect a ransom note. After a month you pray. A year... you just know. KATE: When was the last time you talked to your brother? THOMAS: About three months before the accident. Would you believe we grew up fishing at Black Lake? TONY: The thing is it wasn't an accident. THOMAS: The Navy, they said... TONY: Your brother was murdered. THOMAS: Are you absolutely positive about that? KATE: He was shot on the weekend of October fourth, two thousand two. I'm sorry. TONY: Considering his body was found dumped twenty miles from your house, we'd like to know where you were the weekend he disappeared? THOMAS: Me? I was at home. TONY: Anyone who can verify that? THOMAS: I was with my father. TONY: Let me rephrase. Is there anyone who can verify that is still alive? THOMAS: No. Are you saying you think I did it? KATE: We're just following up on any leads we can, Tom. THOMAS: Of course. Whatever I can do to help. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: I can't tell you what an honor this is, Sir. Thank you. COOPER: Don't believe everything you read in the book, kid. It's called fiction for a reason. MCGEE: I actually write a little myself. Is there any truth to the rumor that S.E. Eckhart is in fact you? COOPER: If I was a bestselling author, would I be crawling through the swamps of Virginia searching for reward money? MCGEE: No, I guess not. COOPER: Damn straight. Now tell me about your boss. Is he always such a hardass? MCGEE: Agent Gibbs? He's a lot like you, actually. In fact, the main character in my book is based on him. COOPER: Oh, yeah. I hope you got a better deal than I got. MCGEE: He doesn't know it... yet. GIBBS: Don't know what, McGee? COOPER: What a great guy I am, Gibbs. GIBBS: You ready to tell me how you found McAllister? COOPER: You ready to tell me what you pulled out of his car and his corpse? GIBBS: Depends. COOPER: On what? GIBBS: How bad you want that million dollar reward. COOPER: Oh, considering how I don't collect 'til you put the murderer behind bards, oh, you got me by the short hairs here, Gibbs. Yeah. I figured the Lieutenant headed home that weekend. But the back road that he liked to drive... I think it was washed out. Here, take a look at these weather patterns. I spent nine weeks getting these from the National Weather Service. Every Doppler readout, every satellite image I could find. Pocket of storms, real tight, near the road. MCGEE: Enough to swell that creek alongside? COOPER: Yeah, but only on that side of the mountain, kid. My educated guess? I think McAllister doubled back, took this road to the other side where the storm hadn't reached yet. See, the locals only use that road when there are bad storms. MCGEE: It's right along Black Lake, Boss. COOPER: I figured if somebody wanted to kill him, they had to know the roads and the weather the way McAllister did. And they'd have to know he was coming. Am I right? (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. KATE: What? TONY: Kate Todd acting like a high school girl with a crush. KATE: He's not a murderer, Tony. TONY: I'm sorry, were you using the new NCIS magical murderer detector back there? KATE: My gut. TONY: Ah. If you were a guy, I would say you were using-- KATE: Don't even say it if you want to live! GIBBS: What did Thomas McAllister have to say? KATE: He hadn't heard from his brother in three months. TONY: Definitely hiding something, boss. KATE: My best guess, it was grief. There's no way he's involved, Gibbs. GIBBS: Abs, what do you have? KATE: The last three calls that came in on the phone from the lake were all made on Friday, October fourth. GIBBS: Yeah? KATE: And they were all from his brother, Thomas McAllister. Sorry, Kate. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY (SFX: TRUNK CLOSES) COOPER: This McAllister family's got more skeletons than a North Korean prison camp, Gibbs. That's everything I turned up. Six months of leg work. Is it okay to smoke in here, sweetheart? KATE: It's Agent Todd, and no, Detective Cooper. It's a federal office building. COOPER: It's a wonder you guys catch anybody working under these conditions. KATE: We manage. GIBBS: This supposed to be in some sort of order? COOPER: The order is up here, Gibbs. And I'll be glad to lay it out for you once you tell me what you found in that wreck. GIBBS: Lieutenant McAllister was shot. COOPER: How many times? KATE: At least once. COOPER: You get the round? GIBBS: It was recovered from the passenger-side door. COOPER: Uh-huh. Pistol, huh? Rifle would go clear through. GIBBS: Forty five. COOPER: Ah. Car must have been stopped. He was approached, but not alarmed. Know his attacker? One shot, point blank. Blam. Poor sap never saw it coming. You know how, Gibbs. Want to know why? (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: Ow! Angle your end down, Probie. MCGEE: I told you we should have taken the legs off. TONY: Ow! Ow! I said down! What does Cooper need this thing for anyway? MCGEE: He's old school. It's part of his process. He has solved every case he's taken on, Tony. How many detectives do you know with a hundred percent batting average? TONY: You mean besides Gibbs?(SFX: TONY AND MCGEE STRUGGLE TO MOVE THE TABLE) TONY: Finally. GIBBS: Change of plans. We're doing this upstairs. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) MCGEE: Maybe we should take the stairs. TONY: Maybe you should take the legs off like I told you to. I'm going to take the stairs. MCGEE: I'm the one who said that-- TONY: Ah! Ah! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY COOPER: Elaine McAllister, the mother. Into the occult in a big way. Psychic, séances, all that weird sh-stuff. She dies in ninety three, the family falls apart. GIBBS: How? COOPER: The old man. He took it pretty hard. He decided he was going to contact the dead wife. Starts neglecting the family business. GIBBS: What do you mean by make contact? COOPER: He consults this space cadet, Saleena Lockhart. Claimed to be a psychic. KATE: I've heard of her. She used to have that tabloid astrology column. TONY: I don't buy it. KATE: Astrology? TONY: No, you reading tabloids. COOPER: She weasels her way into the old man's life. Next thing you know she's practically running it. McAllister Avionics starts to slide until it's almost bankrupt by two thousand. GIBBS: How much money did he leave her? COOPER: You're quick, Gibbs. Almost ten million. He changed his will two weeks after the Lieutenant went missing. The surviving brother, still fighting it in court. TONY: She's kind of like Anna Nicole. COOPER: Who? GIBBS: That's what I said. McGee, run a background on this whack job. I want to know where she is right now. MCGEE: On it, boss. COOPER: I know what you're thinking. She didn't do it, Gibbs. This is a smoking gun. Thomas McAllister had a plan to save the family's fortune. He wanted to get out of avionics and into his own airline. And it's a good plan, but it involved leveraging every remaining asset the McAllister's had. The brother didn't agree. GIBBS: The Lieutenant was cashing out of the company? COOPER: And going his own way. This is the contract divesting him of all family business. GIBBS: How'd you get this? COOPER: You don't want to know. What you want to do is look at the date. GIBBS: October fifth, two thousand two. COOPER: The weekend he vanished. Luckily for the little brother, he didn't sign the contract. GIBBS: I don't believe in luck. COOPER: Neither do I. So when are you bringing McAllister in? GIBBS: I'm not. COOPER: What?! But it's all there! Motive, opportunity, the calls on the Lieutenant's cell phone. GIBBS: When you were a cop, did you let civilians lay out your cases? Or did you work them yourself? COOPER: NCIS has had this case for two years. How long am I supposed to wait? GIBBS: 'Till I'm done! You are looking for the reward. I am looking for a killer. COOPER: Thomas McAllister is your man, trust me! GIBBS: I don't trust anyone either. Kate, how is your rapport with McAllister? TONY: She's got more than a rapport, boss. GIBBS: Well, good. Call him. You're having dinner with him tonight. KATE: What if he says no? TONY: The way he was looking at you? I think you're going to be the one saying no. GIBBS: McGee, you find my psychic yet? MCGEE: I have her business address. It's a TV talk show set in D.C. She's there now. GIBBS: DiNozzo, you're with me. Hey Cooper! I trust you can find your way out. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SOUND STAGE - DAY TONY: You believe in any of this psychic stuff? GIBBS: No, you? TONY: Ah, used one on a case in Baltimore once. Lead us right to this kidnapped five year old girl. GIBBS: Is that a fact? TONY: Yeah. How do you explain it? GIBBS: Simple. She was probably in on it. ASSISTANT: (V.O.) Rolling! GIBBS: Special Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo, NCIS. We're looking to find Saleena Lockhart. ASSISTANT: Yeah, she's inside, but you can't go in. Hey! Hey, wait! They're still shooting! Damn! (GIBBS AND TONY ENTER THE STAGE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAGE - DAY SALEENA: And your grandfather wants you to know that he will always be with you, Sally. Always. (SFX: SALLY CRIES) (SFX: APPLAUSE) SALLY PARKER: Thank you so much, Saleena. SALEENA: And remember, look and you shall see, listen and you will hear. Our departed loved ones still have much to teach us. (SFX: APPLAUSE) TONY: Huh. You think this is how they do it on the Oprah Show? GIBBS: Never believe what you see on TV. SALEENA: Until next time, I'm Saleena Lockhart. STAGE MANAGER: And cut! (SFX: BELL) SALEENA: Look and you shall see... spelled S-E-A? What kind of third grader is writing these cue cards!? STAGE MANAGER: Just give us ten minutes and we'll shoot it again. SALEENA: I am financing this pilot with my own money. I can't afford another of your ten minutes! SALLY PARKER: If anybody needs me, I'll be in craft service. SALEENA: Make sure you save some for the rest of the crew. What?! ASSISTANT: There are two guys here to see you. I tried to stop them. Sorry. GIBBS: Special Agents... SALEENA: Gibbs and DiNozzo from NCIS. How may I help you? GIBBS: You're the psychic. You tell me. SALEENA: Brian McAllister. You found his remains in Black Lake. TONY: Wow, she's good, Boss. GIBBS: It's on the news, DiNozzo. SALEENA: I told Brian's father that I felt Brian was in a cold, dark place. GIBBS: You can say that. He was murdered. SALEENA: Yes. Yes, he told me. TONY: Who? SALEENA: Brian. We connected through a passage on the other side. GIBBS: Passage? That's what you call it? SALEENA: You look skeptical. Oh, that's okay. You don't have to believe. TONY: So did he tell you who did it? SALEENA: It doesn't work that way, Agent DiNozzo. Can I get a green tea, please? GIBBS: How does it work? SALEENA: Well, I get impressions, feelings. I don't get specific details. GIBBS: Do you have any feeling about his father including you in his will? SALEENA: I didn't ask him. GIBBS: I'm not a psychic, but considering he was a fighter pilot, I'd say he'd be pretty pissed off about it. SALEENA: Your point, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Where were you the weekend Lieutenant McAllister was murdered? SALEENA: Luray. Luray Caverns. I was hosting a spiritual retreat. TONY: Luray? Hey boss, isn't that about fifteen miles from Black Lake? GIBBS: Can you tell me what I'm thinking now, Miss Lockhart? SALEENA: I don't have to be a psychic to tell that. Could we discuss this outside please? Your energy is disrupting my set. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SOUND STAGE - DAY SALEENA: Look, I had nothing to do with Brian's disappearance. You should talk to his brother. GIBBS: Yeah? Why is that? SALEENA: Thomas was the black sheep, and he hated Brian. I may be many things, Agent Gibbs, but I am not a murderer. GIBBS: But you talk to dead people. SALEENA: I have over a dozen people who can verify my whereabouts on that weekend. One of them is a senator. TONY: We'll need their names. SALEENA: My lawyer will get them to you. Now, is there something else I can do for you? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS KNOCKS SALEENA TO THE GROUND) (SFX: GUNSHOTS) GIBBS: You didn't see that one coming, did you? TONY: Sonovabitch! GIBBS: Did you get a license number? TONY: Yeah, I got one. GIBBS: That's a good job, Tony. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: It's definitely from a forty-five round, guys. Just give me a sec to line up the rifling patterns. GIBBS: You run the plates? ABBY: Came back stolen. TONY: Figures. ABBY: The markings are a match. It's from the same pistol that killed Lieutenant McAllister two years ago. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. NCIS HEADQUARTERS - DAY TONY: Why don't we just drag McAllister in for questioning, Boss? GIBBS: Because his lawyers make more in one hour than you make all week. TONY: That's an excellent point. So you're saying I deserve a raise? Or not. GIBBS: We need more than circumstantial evidence to take McAllister down. TONY: I agree. But what do we get out of Kate going on a date with him? GIBBS: I get to search his house for that Colt forty-five without him knowing. TONY: And if it turns out he's our murderer? GIBBS: That's why you're going with her. KATE: I'm meeting him at the airport in twenty minutes, Gibbs. GIBBS: Hey, I need you to distract him for at least two hours so we can search his house. KATE: Shouldn't be a problem. He already invited me to dinner. (LONG BEAT) So, how do I look? TONY: Eh. KATE: What do you mean, eh? TONY: I mean... yeah. You look fine. What's wrong with fine? KATE: I'm going for hot here, Tony. TONY: Well, in that case, do you mind? MCGEE: Boss, I got the search warrant. GIBBS: Yeah, you're with me. Get your things. TONY: Yeah, now that...that is hot. GIBBS: Are you two done playing dress-up? KATE AND TONY: (IN UNISON) Done. GIBBS: All right, get moving. I want a comm check in fifteen minutes. KATE: On it. GIBBS: Hey Kate, you looked better the other way. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HANGAR - NIGHT TONY: (V.O.) How do you read me, Kate? (V.O./FILTERED) Say again? KATE: (V.O.) I said (ON CAMERA) loud and clear. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Slide the mic... (ON CAMERA) closer to your throat, please. KATE: How's that? TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Crystal. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - NIGHT (DOOR CLOSES) KATE: Hello? Hello? THOMAS: Kate. Whoa, do I feel underdressed. KATE: Well - when you said dinner...? THOMAS: Hey, I'm not complaining. You look fantastic. KATE: Thank you. So where are we going? THOMAS: Actually, I thought we might stay here. If you survive my cooking, there's a few things I'd like to tell you about my big brother. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MCALLISTER HOME - NIGHT MCGEE: Uh... Boss? Where are we going? GIBBS: We're going around back, McGee. (SFX: MCGEE RATTLES THE DOORKNOB) MCGEE: It's locked, Boss. GIBBS: Well, yeah, McGee. That's kind of the point of having doors. MCGEE: The last two times I encountered a situation like this, Tony threw a rock through a window, Kate climbed in a second story window. GIBBS: Huh. You don't say. (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - NIGHT THOMAS: I wasn't entirely truthful this afternoon, Kate. When you come from the type of family I did, you get used to keeping secrets. KATE: What kind of secrets? THOMAS: My parents were always a bit eccentric. When my mom died, my Dad pretty much lost it. KATE: He started talking to dead people? THOMAS: You've been checking up on me. KATE: It's my job, Tom. THOMAS: At first I thought it was harmless. But the psychic he was seeing, she started manipulating him, really cutting him off from the rest of the family. KATE: Saleena Lockhart. THOMAS: Really checking up on me. KATE: What did your brother think of her? THOMAS: He didn't. Brian was too busy with his Naval career. He wasn't around to see the damage she was doing. KATE: Somebody tried to kill her today. THOMAS: I thought about it myself more than once. KATE: A lot of people think it was you. THOMAS: What do you think, Kate? KATE: Well I'm here, aren't I? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MCALLISTER HOME - NIGHT (SFX: DOOR OPENS B.G.) (DOOR OPENS QUICKLY) GIBBS: NCIS!! COOPER: Hey, do you mind? GIBBS: Cooper, what are you doing here? COOPER: Same thing you are. GIBBS: I have a warrant. COOPER: Are you going to arrest me? GIBBS: It depends. COOPER: On what? GIBBS: What you found. COOPER: I'm hoping a million dollars. I checked all the local counties. Thomas McAllister doesn't own any handguns. But his old man? Bit of a gun nut. Even owns a Colt forty-five. GIBBS: Recently fired. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Tony. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah, Boss. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Take him down. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I'm on it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - NIGHT THOMAS: I called Brian the weekend he went missing. I was trying to get him to come home, talk some sense into Dad. He said he'd think about it. KATE: Why would you lie to us about it? THOMAS: Because I thought that I was responsible for his death. KATE: Were you? THOMAS: When they found his car in Black Lake, I thought he finally decided to listen to me for once. The roads in Hastings are deathtraps in the daytime... at night, when you're tired? KATE: You thought it was an accident? THOMAS: Until you told me he was murdered. Only one person stood to gain from his death, Saleena Lockhart. KATE: Unfortunately, there is one more. (SFX: THOMAS OPENS THE CONTRACT) THOMAS: He never would have signed this. TONY: Thomas McAllister. You're under arrest for the murder of your brother. THOMAS: So I guess dessert is out of the question. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: Are you okay? KATE: I'm fine. GIBBS: You don't look fine. ABBY: I hope I'm getting overtime for this, Gibbs, because I'm missing my cousin's birthday. GIBBS: Were they a match? ABBY: It's the same weapon that killed the Lieutenant and shot up the makeup trailer today. GIBBS: Thanks, Abs. KATE: Figures. I finally meet a nice guy and he turns out to be a murderer. ABBY: Happens to Tony all the time. Hey, do me a favor, Kate. KATE: What? ABBY: My back is killing me. I'm waiting. And don't shortchange me this time. KATE: You know, your muscles wouldn't be so tight if you stopped drinking all that caffeine crap that Gibbs is always bringing you. ABBY: (V.O.) Oh, but I love the caffeine crap, Kate! GIBBS: Abby, I need you out here! Now! How much time did you spend on this door? ABBY: Um... enough to get the bullet's trajectory. I was going to test for metal fatigue and age in the morning. GIBBS: Do it tonight. ABBY: Why? I mean, I'll have it for you in thirty minutes, Sir. GIBBS: Kate will help. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Well, it looks like you did it again, Mister Cooper. COOPER: Oh, I'm getting old, kid. I think I'm going to retire after this one. TONY: If you ask me, we should get fifty percent of that million. COOPER: Too bad life ain't fair, DiNozzo. Oh, it's about time. In my day we didn't wait two hours to interrogate someone. TONY: Let me guess, you just beat it out of them? COOPER: Yeah, something like that. THOMAS: (V.O.) I'm sure you hear this a lot. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY THOMAS: I'm innocent, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY COOPER: What the hell kind of interrogation is that? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You're free to go, Mister McAllister. (DOOR OPENS) (PASSAGE OF TIME) COOPER: It's not enough I do your job for you, now you want to arrest me for it? GIBBS: Ah, we do owe you for finding the Lieutenant for us, Cooper. The problem is, it isn't murder. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY COOPER: Give me a break, Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY COOPER: You saw the evidence. GIBBS: I did. Brian McAllister died in a car accident. The bullet fired into his car wasn't from two years ago. (V.O.) The metal around the impact was only recently exposed to water. Two weeks (ON CAMERA) sound about right to you? COOPER: What's this got to do with me? GIBBS: The reward was offered for finding the Lieutenant's killer. In order to collect, you had to manufacture one. COOPER: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. GIBBS: It might have worked. We would have found that gun eventually. But you just couldn't wait. What are you going to do with the money, Cooper? Hmm? Gambling debts? Retirement? Taking those shots at Saleena Lockhart. That was overkill. Too bad we caught you putting it back. COOPER: Yeah? Good luck proving it. GIBBS: Oh, I will. This is an Instant Shooter I.D. Kit. It'll tell me if you fired a gun recently. COOPER: Swab away, Gibbs. There's no gun residue on these hands. GIBBS: Oh, a private dick like you... I'll bet you were wearing gloves. I figure any man who solves the unsolvable needs a trademark. And I'm betting yours is that tacky trench coat. You probably never take it off, huh? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS PERFORMS THE TEST) GIBBS: If this comes up blue, I've got you for attempted murder. Good luck trying to collect that million dollars. Get up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY MCGEE: I don't believe it. TONY: Sorry, Probie. I felt the same way when I found out professional wrestling was fake. MCGEE: But he was going to frame an innocent man just for the reward? TONY: It's all about the Benjamins. MCGEE: Sometimes. Not always. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY THOMAS: You up for that dessert now? KATE: At two thirty in the morning? THOMAS: I think I might know a place that's still open. KATE: And where would that be?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) THOMAS: New York. Sometimes it's good to own your own airline. TONY: New York? I love New York. KATE: It's a small plane, Tony. THOMAS: Maybe next time. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE SHUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SKY - NIGHT KATE: (V.O.) So you're Catholic, right? (MUSIC OUT)"
"A Navy officer's body is found in a car pulled from a lake by a celebrity private investigator ( Mike Starr ). The man had been missing for two years, resulting in a considerable bounty coming up for whoever finds out the truth. The PI now wants to claim the reward posted by the family, but the NCIS team must complete the investigation to find the killer before the money is awarded. The case changes from accidental death to suspected murder when McGee discovers a bullet lodged in the car. The team initially suspect that the dead man's brother may be a prime suspect, but forensic evidence suggests an entirely different scenario."
"[Scene: Manor. It's night time. Phoebe walks in. All the lights are turned off.] Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? Sister witches, guess what? (Phoebe walks in the living room and turns on the light. Piper is there making out with a guy on the couch. She jumps up.) Piper: Oh, oh. Are you nuts? Phoebe: What are you doing? Guy: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. (Piper freezes the guy and walks over to Phoebe.) Piper: Ooh. Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Sister witches? I can't believe you said that. What's the matter with you? Phoebe: How was I supposed to know that you were gonna be here with anybody? Last I heard that you were meeting a banker friend about the loan. (She looks at the guy and then back at Piper.) Is this the credit check? Piper: It's not what you think. We were just... we-we... were just kissing, that's all. Phoebe: Piper, you don't have to justify it. You're single. You're responsible. You're way overdue in the s*x department. I say go for it. Piper: I'm not way overdue. Alright, maybe a little, but that's besides the point. I would never just sleep with a guy to get something. You know that Phoebe: Piper, give yourself a break. You're going through a lot right now. No job, straining to buy the club, you haven't heard from Leo in weeks. (Prue walks in through the front door. She's on her phone.) Prue: Alright, well, the preview is at five and the auction Sunday at eleven. Piper: Oh no, Prue. Go back outside. Go on. Hurry! (Prue looks at them for a second, then goes back outside. Piper stands back next to the guy and he unfreezes.) Guy: So, you must be Prue. (He stands up.) Phoebe: Uh, no. Actually... (Prue comes back inside, still on the phone.) Prue: (on phone) Alright, great, yeah, I'll see you then. (Prue hangs up.) Phoebe: She's Prue. I'm Phoebe. Piper: Rob, can we take a rain check on the rest of the evening? It's getting kind of crowded in here. Rob: Okay, sure. (Rob grabs his coat and heads for the door.) Piper: Yeah. Okay, um, so I'll meet you tomorrow at the club at noon. Great. Thanks for dinner. Rob: Okay, alright. (They kiss.) Bye. Piper: Bye. (Rob leaves. Piper closes the door and turns to her sisters, who are grinning.) Prue: So, did you get the loan? Piper: Hopefully. I'll find out tomorrow. Prue: Well, my fingers are crossed. (Prue and Piper start to leave the room.) Phoebe: Wait, you guys. Where are you going? Prue: Well, I have an auction coming up. I have clients to call. Phoebe: Wait, you guys. Don't you even know what tomorrow is? It's our one year anniversary of becoming witches. Hello? Piper: Tomorrow is? Really? Prue: So... Phoebe: So? So? It's a day to celebrate. And not just because it's our anniversary but because it falls on one of the most powerful wiccan days of the year. The autumnal equinox. Now, according to this witch that I met today at bookstore... Piper: Hold it. A witch? Prue: You didn't tell her about us, did you? Phoebe: Well, yeah, sure I did. Why not? I mean, I didn't tell her that we're magical witches, obviously. Look, I'm sorry but I think after everything we've been through it's important to learn as much as we can about who we are. Forewarned is forearmed. Prue: And I think that we should leave well enough alone. I mean, we've been demon-free for over a month now, I'd like to keep it that away. Piper: Amen to that. (Prue and Piper walk out of the room.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. The next morning. The Book Of Shadows opens up by itself and the pages start to flip. Phoebe races in.] Phoebe: Prue! Piper! (Prue and Piper come in.) Prue: What's going on? Phoebe: Uh, I don't know! Piper: Why does the book do that? How does the book do that? (They go over to the Book and look at the page it opens up to.) Phoebe: "Rite of passage. Fight it with the Power of one or else..." (A vortex opens in the wall and a gust of wind blows through the attic. A demon is sitting in the vortex. Prue hesitates to use her power and the demon steals the Book. The vortex closes.) Piper: What the hell was that? Phoebe: The Book Of Shadows? Where's the Book of Shadows? Piper: So much for being demon-free. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there. Prue and Piper are picking up pieces of paper that blew across the room. Phoebe is knocking on the wall where the vortex opened.] Piper: Did you find anything? Phoebe: Nothing. But whatever it was literally came out of nowhere and disappeared into nowhere. Piper: Well, it took the Book of Shadows somewhere. And he's powerful too. No other demons been able to steal the book. Prue: But if he's so powerful, why didn't he kill us? Phoebe: He probably didn't want to go up against you. Prue: Me? What do you mean? Phoebe: That's what the Book of Shadows says. Fight it with The Power of One. That's gotta mean your power. It's the strongest. Prue: Says who? Phoebe: Says every demon or warlock we've ever gone up against. Piper: She's right, Prue. The power of one's gotta mean you, otherwise it would've said the Power of Three. The only question is how are we gonna find this demon. We don't know anything about him. Phoebe: Well, we better think of something fast because without the Book of Shadows, we're not the Charmed Ones anymore. (The doorbell rings.) [Cut to downstairs. Phoebe is coming down the stairs.] Phoebe: Coming. (She walks into the foyer and opens the door. A 16-year old girls stands there.) Uh, hi... Jenny: Can I use your phone, please? Phoebe: Uh, well, actually, we're... Jenny: Please? It's an emergency. Please? Phoebe: Okay. Come on in. It's right around that corner. (The girl walks in and picks up the phone. Prue and Piper walk in the foyer.) Piper: (to Phoebe) Are you out of your mind? Phoebe: What was I supposed to do? Say no? Look at that poor girl. (They look at her.) Dan: (outside) Jenny? Jenny, come on. Talk to me. (A cute guy in his late 20's let's himself inside.) Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Whoa! Jenny: (on phone) International Operator please. Saudi Arabia. Prue: Saudi Arabia? Dan: I'm sorry. We're moving in next door. Or at least we're trying to. Our phone's not hooked up yet. Phoebe: So, you're our new neighbours? Dan: Name's Dan. Uh, Dan Gordon. Jenny: (on phone) I don't care if the circuits are busy. I have to talk to my mum. Dan: And that's my niece Jenny. Who's obviously not talking to me. Jenny, sweetie, come on. (Jenny hangs up and storms outside.) Dan: I'm sorry. It's nice meeting you. Phoebe: You too. (Dan leaves.) I saw him first! Piper: Demons now, drooling later. Prue: Look, I have to meet my client before the preview. (Prue starts to leave.) Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute. The scariest demon we've ever run across opens up some portal in our attic, and steals the Book of Shadows and you want to go into the office? (Prue nods and walks away.) Phoebe: Wh- (She turns to Piper) What's the matter with her? Piper: It's the first demon she's faced since Andy died. Maybe it's bringing up some bad memories. [Scene: On another plane. The demon that stole the Book of Shadows turns to the back of the Book and reads a spell backwards.] [Scene: Park. Witches have gathered for the Equinox celebration. Piper and Phoebe are also there.] Piper: What are we doing here? Phoebe: Celebrating the Equinox. Can't you just feel it? The energy in this place? It's a convergence. Piper: It's a crock. I thought we were supposed to meet your witch friend. Phoebe: We are. This is where she told us to meet her. Now, please just relax. Piper: Relax? My life was a mess before our little wake up call this morning, remember? (Stevie arrives.) Phoebe: Oh, Stevie! (They go over to her.) Stevie: Hey, Phoebe. I'm so glad you could make it. Phoebe: Um, actually, we are not here for this. We needed to talk to you about something. This is my sister, Piper. Piper: Hi. Stevie: Hey, Piper, it's very nice to meet you. Are you witch too? Piper: Uh, sorta... maybe... I don't know. Uh, is everybody here one, also? Stevie: Oh, no. No, no, no... It's just a group of believers, women who know of this special place and who've come to celebrate. By the way, happy anniversary. Phoebe: That's what we wanted to talk to you about. Why did you say that today was gonna be a powerful day for us? Stevie: Because your anniversary falls on the Equinox. Which is a powerful day in and of itself for you, this convergence of powers is even stronger. The potential greater. All you have to do is connect. You wanna try it? Phoebe: Try it? How? Stevie: Let us begin. (Stevie joins the other women.) Piper: I don't wanna connect. Phoebe: We have to connect. Piper: I don't wanna try it. Phoebe: Okay, but we have to because... Piper: Why? Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay? (Piper and Phoebe turns around and notice all the women have taken off their clothes.) Piper: Well, apparently we've got our clothes to lose. Phoebe: I see that. (Phoebe pulls Piper behind a rock wall and Phoebe starts taking off her clothes.) Piper: No. Whoa, Whoa. Wait. What are you doing? Phoebe: When in Rome. Piper: No-no-no! We're not in Rome, Phoebe. We're in California. And it's illegal here. Phoebe: It's totally natural, okay? Go for it. Come on. Piper: God. This is ridiculous. Can I keep my shoes on? Phoebe: Yeah, but that's it. Piper: We've got absolutely zero, zero information. Phoebe: Everybody's naked, not just you. Piper: And now we're naked. Phoebe: Shh, okay? Shh. Grams' voice: The Power of Three. Phoebe: Did you just hear that? Piper: Hear what? Grams' voice: The Power of Three. Phoebe: That. Grams? Piper: Grams? (Piper looks around and tries to cover herself up.) What? Where? I don't hear anything. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Bucklands. Mrs. Milton is looking at some items up for auction. Prue walks in the room.] Prue: Mrs. Milton. Hi. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Mrs. Milton: Oh, no problem. I was just looking around. Prue: Well, I think that we'll have a great turnout for the preview. We've been getting an excellent response to your husband's collection. Mrs. Milton: I'm not surprised. Prue: Now, the opening bid prices may look a little low, but don't worry. It should attract a lot of buyers, which should result in a bidding war. It's the best way to sell inventory like this at top dollar. Is that all right with you? Mrs. Milton: I guess I'm having a little more trouble letting go of John's things than I thought. Prue: That's only natural. It's not easy. Mrs. Milton: I suppose that you deal with death quite a bit in your line of work, don't you? I mean, like this, auctioning off some poor widows inheritance. Prue: This? Unfortunately, yes. Mrs. Milton: I just keep going over and over in my mind the last time I saw him before the accident. And I keep thinking if only I'd done something or said something to stop him from getting in the car, maybe he'd still be alive. [Scene: Outside a large building that's up for sale. Piper pulls up in her car. She gets out and walks inside.] [Cut to inside. Rob is there looking around. Piper comes down the stairs.] Piper: Oh, god, Rob. I'm so sorry I'm late. Uh, I got stuck at this thing and then my sister needed a ride, and I'm so totally screwed on the loan now, aren't I? Rob: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just looking around, checking things out. Piper: It needs a lot of work, uh, I know that. But that's not a problem and just because the last two owners went bankrupt, doesn't mean it can't work. I've done three separate marketing studies and found a 68% interest in the target clientele. Rob: Piper... Piper: Plus, running a restaurant is very similar to running a club. Rob: You've already shown me all this. I've got it. I've got everything, except for an understanding of why you wanna put yourself in a position to fail like this. Piper: Uhh... Rob: Clubs are an extremely high risk business, Piper. You could lose your shirt. Piper: Well, it wouldn't be the first time today. Look, I know what I'm getting myself into. I know the risks and actually it's a lot less risk and a lot a less expensive than starting my own restaurant, which is what I really wanted to do. The point is, I'm tired of working for somebody else and helping them realizing their dreams. I wanna run my own place. This place. And I can do it, too. But not without your help. Rob: Well, at the risk of you never wanting to go out with me again... Congratulations. Piper: I got it? Rob: You go it Piper: Yay! (Piper hugs him and they kiss.) Rob: Hmm. Piper: Oh. (They start making out.) [Cut to Abraxas. He says another spell backwards. Jeremy appears wielding a knife.] Abraxas: Were you vanquished by the Charmed Ones? Jeremy: Yeah. Why? Abraxas: I'm giving you a second chance. [Cut back to Piper and Rob. They are still kissing.] Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. (Piper pulls away.) Piper: Did you hear that? Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. Rob: Hear what? (Piper looks around.) Piper: Grams? (Jeremy appears and knocks Rob unconscious. Piper screams and backs away.) Jeremy: You're dead, witch. (Piper freezes him.) Piper: Oh my God. Jeremy? [Cut to Prue's office. Prue's sitting at her desk. The phone rings.] Prue: Hello? Piper: Prue, thank god you're there. Jeremy... Prue: Piper, calm down... Piper: Just attacked me. Prue: Jeremy? That is impossible. We vanquished him a year ago. [Cut back to Piper.] Piper: Well, apparently he got unvanquished somehow. And since we don't have the Book of Shadows, we're gonna have to remember the spell together. I'm conferencing Phoebe. (She presses a button on the phone.) Phoebe, are you there? Phoebe: AT&T, the Power of Three. [Cut to Prue.] Prue: Okay, wait. Wasn't that it? The Power of Three will set us free. Piper: Grams... (Jeremy unfreezes.) Piper: Whoa! (She freezes him again.) Prue: What's the matter? Piper: He's... (Jeremy unfreezes and Piper freezes him again.) Piper: He's fighting through my freezes. He's adjusting or something. Phoebe: Uh, okay, put us on the speakerphone. We have to say it together. (Jeremy unfreezes.) Jeremy: (laughs) You're not getting away from me this time. (Jeremy attacks her with his dagger. She ducks and tries to get out of the way.) Piper: Whoa! Whoa! Phoebe: Piper! Piper: Hurry! Now! Hurry, now, now, now! Prue, Piper and Phoebe: "The Power of Three will set us free." (They repeat it another three times.) Prue: Piper? Phoebe: Piper? Piper: Ow. Ow. Prue: Piper? Piper: It's okay. He's gone. Again. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Building. Rob is on a stretcher. Piper is crouching down beside him.] Rob: How can you not have seen who attacked me? How is that possible? Piper: I don't know. I guess I was blocked or something and then he just sort of disappeared, you know? Rob: I'm starting to understand why this place keeps going under. Piper: Oh, no. It's not a bad crime area. Not at all. Rob: Well, it's something I'm going to be checking into. I can assure you of that. Paramedic: Excuse me, ma'am. (The paramedics carry Rob up the stairs. Prue walks past and looks at him.) Rob: Yeah, hi, how ya doin'? (Prue goes over to Piper.) Prue: Are you okay? Piper: Physically, yeah. I think my loan's on shaky ground. I couldn't exactly tell Rob, "It was just a warlock. Don't worry about it". Prue: Oh, it would be a shame if the loan didn't work out, I mean, this place is great. I used to come here. It has a lot of potential. Piper: Yeah? You think so? Prue: Mmm hmm. Piper: Care to loan me sixty grand? Prue: Hmm. Any ideas on where Jeremy came from? Piper: No, but I don't want to run into any of the other demons we've already vanquished. Prue: Well, hopefully Phoebe can find some answers in those new books of hers. Piper: I sure wish she had our book to look it at. Feels kind of lost without it. Although... Prue: Although what? Piper: It was weird but right before Jeremy appeared, I swore I heard Grams. Prue: Grams? Piper: I was positive it was her. She said "The Power of Three". And Phoebe said she heard her say it this morning. Maybe Grams was trying to warn me, warn us. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe is typing something on the laptop computer. She hears Kit meow and looks out the window. She sees Jenny sitting on the stairs holding Kit. Phoebe continues to type on her computer but changes her mind and goes outside.] [Cut to Jenny. Phoebe walks over to her and sits down.] Phoebe: Hey there. It's Jenny, right? Jenny: Yeah. Phoebe: We didn't really get to say hello before. My name is Phoebe. Phoebe Halliwell. And this is Kit the cat. Get it? Kit Kat. Little play on words. So, shouldn't you be in school? Jenny: I'm taking a week off. Phoebe: Really? Jenny: For the move, you know. Phoebe: So you're moving in with your uncle? Jenny: Well, just for the school year. Until my mom and dad come back. Phoebe: From Saudi Arabia? Jenny: My dad's with the state department. So, he gets transferred a lot. Phoebe: That sucks. So, did you ever get in touch with your mum? Jenny: It doesn't matter. Phoebe: If it matters to you, it matters. Your secret is safe with me. Jenny: Well, it's almost that time of the month, you know? And, well, I need some... Phoebe: Tampons? Jenny: Right, yeah. Phoebe: And you don't want talk to your uncle about it? Jenny: But I did. But he went out and bought sanitary napkins... Phoebe: Ugh. Jenny: Like that's gonna work. This is so embarrassing. (Phoebe looks at Kit's collar, which has the triquetra symbol hanging from it.) Jenny: So, do you think maybe you could get some for me instead? Phoebe: Uh... sure... but... a connection. Jenny: But what? (Piper pulls up in the driveway next door.) Phoebe: Uh, I'm really sorry, Jenny, but I have to go. (Phoebe picks up Kit.) Jenny: Fine. Phoebe: Look. I would love to help you out but I gotta believe that your parents wouldn't have left you with your uncle if they didn't think you could trust him at stuff like this. Ask him again. And if he still screws it up, remember, we're open 24 hours, 7 days a week, right next door, okay? (Jenny smiles. Phoebe goes back over to the manor.) Phoebe: Piper, wait up. I think I figured out how to find who the demon is. All we have to do is ask the Book of Shadows. Piper: What? Phoebe: It's been right in front of us the whole time. (She shows Kit's collar.) Piper: Kit's collar? Phoebe: No, the triquetra. The symbol of the Power of Three. Our symbol. Maybe that's what Grams has been trying to tell us. Piper: Phoebe, you're rambling. Phoebe: No, Stevie said all we would have to do is find our connection, right? That if we did, we'd be able to tap into the Power of the Equinox. Well, this has got to be it, the Triquetra. It's us. It's on the cover of the Book of Shadows. Piper: I still don't understand how can we ask the Book of Shadows for help when we don't have the book. (Phoebe pulls Piper inside.) Piper: Ugh! [Cut to inside the manor. Conservatory. Piper and Phoebe are standing in front of the spirit board.] Piper: The spirit board? Phoebe: It told us how to find the Book of Shadows, didn't it? It can do it again. All you have to do is believe. Now come on. We're stronger together. Piper: (sighs) Okay Phoebe: Come on. Okay. Close your eyes and feel it. (They touch the pointer.) Gram's Voice: The Power of Three. Phoebe: Did you hear that? Piper: Grams? (Piper looks around. The pointer moves.) Phoebe: A. Piper: B-R-A-X-A-S. Phoebe: Abraxas? (They look at each other.) [Cut to Abraxas. He turns to another spell in the Book of Shadows and starts to read it backwards.] [Cut back to the manor. Piper is sitting on the couch in the living room. Phoebe walks in, reading from a book.] Phoebe: Okay, I found it. "Abraxas - A demon of the astral plane who destroy witches by demonising their powers." Okay, but what does that have to do with the Book of Shadows? Piper: Well, that's where our powers come from, isn't it? Maybe Abraxas it turning it evil somehow. Phoebe: That would definitely undo our spells. And explain why Jeremy all of a sudden became unvanquished. Piper: And the Woogyman. Phoebe: When did the Woogyman become unvanquished? Piper: A couple of seconds ago. (Phoebe looks behind her and sees the Woogyman. They jump up.) Phoebe: Freeze it. Piper: It doesn't freeze, remember? The spell. What's the spell? Spell, spell... Phoebe: "I am light. I am one too strong to fight." I can't remember the rest. Piper: Yes you can. Okay, we can. Uh, "Return to dark, where the shadows dwell. You cannot have this Halliwell". Piper and Phoebe: "Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night". (The Woogyman is vanquished.) Piper: That wasn't so hard. Phoebe: It's a good thing we were together. Piper: Abraxas must be reading the book backwards. That's how he's turning it evil. Phoebe: How do you figure? Piper: The spell to vanquish Jeremy was at the back of the book. And the spell to vanquish the Woogyman was right before that. Phoebe: Which means more are on their way. Piper: Uh-huh. Phoebe: We gotta warn Prue. Piper: Uh-huh. (They walk into the foyer and Phoebe touches a photoframe. She gets a premonition. In the premonition, Nicholas the warlock, is attacking Prue at Bucklands.) What? What happened? Phoebe: I saw the warlock Nicholas, killing Prue. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue is walking down the corridor. She stops when she sees Mrs. Milton. Prue's assistant approaches her.] Guy: Prue, your sister Phoebe's on the phone. Prue: Oh, uh, tell her that I'll call her back. Guy: She said it's important. Prue: She always says that it's important. Just tell her I'll call her back. It's okay. Thanks. (Prue goes over to Mrs. Milton.) Mrs. Milton. Mrs. Milton: Oh, hi. Prue: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Mrs. Milton: I had no idea there'd be this many people interested. You're obviously very good at your job. Prue: Actually, I think it says more your husband's collection than it does about me. How long has it been since the accident? Mrs. Milton: Eight and a half months. How long has it been for you? Prue: Not very long. (Nicholas appears out of nowhere. He spots Prue.) Nicholas. (Prue walks off. Nicholas follows her.) Mrs. Milton: Prue? [Cut to Prue's office. Prue races in. Nicholas stands at the doorway and points his ring at her.] Nicholas: You remember the feeling, don't you? (Prue falls to the floor.) Prue: "Lavender, mimosa, holy thistle, cleanse this evil from our midst scatter..." Nicholas: You're overheating. Your brain cells are frying. It's over. Prue: "Scatter its cells throughout time. Let this Nick no more exist." (Nicholas is vanquished. Prue collapses on the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hospital. Prue is lying on a bed. Piper and Phoebe are standing beside her. The doctor finishes taking her blood pressure.] Doctor: Well, your blood pressure's back to normal. So is your temperature, your electrolytes. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were perfectly healthy young woman. Prue: Does that mean I can go home now? Doctor: Well, I'd like to run a few more tests. Find out what caused your body temperature to rise spontaneously like that. Has that ever happened to you before? Phoebe: It's happened to us all before. (She laughs.) Prue: Doctor, it's okay. Really. I think I know how to keep it from happening again. Doctor: All right. I'll see to your discharge papers. Prue: Thanks. (The doctor leaves and Prue gets up.) Piper: That was close. Prue: Too close. Piper: No, I don't mean her. I mean you. The paramedics said you almost died. Prue: Yeah, well, what else is new? Phoebe: We better figure out a way to get the book back from Abraxas because if we don't, we're all dead. Piper: But how? We don't know where the astral plane is. Phoebe: Yes, we do. It coexists within our own plane. Remember, that's what Stevie said. Prue: Still doesn't help to find the demon. Phoebe: Maybe, maybe not. I was thinking... You know how we always thought that nobody could take the Book of Shadows out of the house but us? Maybe nobody did. Maybe it's still in the house. Just on different plane. The astral plane. Piper: That would mean Abraxas is still in the house too. Phoebe: Right. So, we would need to find a doorway or a window to get to his like he used to get to ours and we need to do this before the end of the Equinox, by sunrise tomorrow. And then Prue can kick some astral ass with the Power of One. (Prue grabs her stuff and leaves the room. Piper and Phoebe follow.) Piper: Prue, what's the matter? Prue: Nothing. I just think that it's a long shot, that's all. Phoebe: Well, at least it's a shot. Piper: I agree, I mean, who knows how many other demons and warlocks he's let loose that we just don't know about yet. Phoebe: Or even worse. If Abraxas gets to the first page of the book before we get to him, we're toast. Prue: Why? Phoebe: Because it's the incantation that gave us our powers, remember? If Abraxas says that backwards too, then we'll lose them and the book forever. Prue: So we go back to leading normal lives again. That doesn't sound so bad. Phoebe: What? Are you joking? Prue: No, Phoebe, I'm not joking. Look, we always said that things happen to us for a reason, right? So, maybe the reason this time is to give to us an out. Piper: Prue, there's no out. Abraxas will kill us. Prue: Not if all he wants is the book. After all, that's the real power, not us. Piper: If all he wanted was the book, he wouldn't keep sending demons and warlocks after us. Prue: Yeah, well, we won't have to worry about anymore if he gets to the first page. Phoebe: What are you saying, Prue? Look, if we don't get to him, we stop being witches. Prue: Exactly. Which means we stop risking our lives all the time. Which means we stop watching the people we love lose theirs. (Prue walks away.) Phoebe: Prue... (Piper stops her from following.) Piper: Let her be. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe's sitting at the table and Piper is looking in the fridge.] Phoebe: We're screwed, you know. Piper: No, we're not. There's a window, we'll find it. Phoebe: That's not what I meant. Piper: She'll come around. Phoebe: By sunrise? You know how Prue is when she makes up her mind about something. That's it. We're screwed. Piper: And we're out of wine. (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: I'll get it. You keep dreaming. (Phoebe gets up and walks out to the foyer. She opens he door and Dan is there, holding a bottle of wine.) Oh, hi... Dan: Dan. Phoebe: Dan, right. Dan: You're Phoebe. Jenny told me. I hope it's okay to stop by. Phoebe: Of course, uh, we were just doing some reading. Dan: Well, I just wanted to give you this. (He hands her the wine.) To say thanks. You know, for talking to Jenny. Or better yet, for getting her to talk to me. Phoebe: That's really sweet. And timely too. But it's not necessary Dan: Well, to be honest, I was sort of hoping to get something out of it. I mean, you know, for Jenny. Just in case she needs a woman to talk to again. Phoebe: Ah, of course. Any time. She seems like a great kid. So, did she tell you what the problem was? (They laugh.) Dan: Any idea what size I'm supposed to get. There's like... five. Phoebe: Uh, junior is probably a safe bet. Dan: Right. Thanks. Phoebe: Hm. (The phone rings.) Dan: Well, uh, see ya around. Phoebe: Hopefully. 'Night. Dan: 'Night. (Dan leaves. Phoebe checks out his butt as he walks away.) [Cut to the kitchen. Piper's on the phone.] Piper: No, I understand. Okay, bye. (She hangs up. Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Who was that? Piper: Rob, the banker. Or rather, his assistant. Telling me that my loan has been denied. Phoebe: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Piper: That's okay. Just wasn't meant to be, I guess. Really glad I never slept with him, though. What was I thinking? Phoebe: About Leo, maybe? Piper: Ugh. Phoebe: Wine? (She holds up the bottle of wine.) [Scene: Police station. Prue walks up to Darryl.] Darryl: Hey. Prue: Hi. Darryl: You wanna sit down? Prue: Sure. (Prue sees Andy's empty desk.) Darryl: They haven't assigned me a new partner yet since Andy died. Here. (He takes her into a room.) Prue: Listen, I'm sorry I haven't come by to see you. Darryl: Yeah, me too. I'm just glad you're here now, Prue. I've been worried about you. Prue: I'm alright. Darryl: Really? Then how come you've been avoiding me? And don't give me back that crap about being too busy ‘cause I know better. I know what you're going through, Prue. I lost him too, you know? Prue: I know. It's just been so hard, to, uh ... Darryl: What? Prue: To face you after what happened. Darryl: Now, see, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about... Prue: Darryl, um, I need to know what Andy told you about me and my sisters... about who we really are. Darryl: Just that you were involved in some of our unsolved cases, and that you somehow helped stop the killers. Prue: That's it? Nothing else? Darryl: He was my partner, Prue. I didn't need to know anything else. Prue: So, then, um... why did you cover for us when Andy died at the house? Darryl: ‘Cause he asked me to. That's why I've been trying to get a hold of you. To give you a message from him. That morning, after he saw you, Andy told me to tell you that if anything were to happen to him, that it wouldn't be your fault. He didn't want you to blame yourself. Prue: Too late. (They hug.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper has drawn the triquetra symbol on the wall with chalk.] Phoebe: You really think that's the window? Piper: You said yourself the triquetra's the key, our connection. And besides, we keep hearing grams say "The Power of Three". This is what that stands for. Either that or I just screwed up this wall for no reason. Phoebe: Well, even if it is the window, if Prue doesn't show up... (Prue walks in.) Prue: She'll show. Better late then never, right? Look, I know that I haven't exactly been myself lately and I know that I'm going through... something. And that I have some things to work through. But I don't wanna let you down because of it. Right now, it's not about me. It's about us. Phoebe: Attagirl, Prue. I knew you'd come around. Piper: Excuse me? Phoebe: Well, I did deep down. Piper: Are you sure you're up for this? (Prue uses her power to move a chair across the room.) Prue: I'm sure. Phoebe: Okay, so when the window opens, Prue, you'll knock Abraxas away from the Book, so Piper and I can reach in and grab it. And then, while you're holding him back... Prue: You'll find some spell to vanquish him I got it. Phoebe: Okay. (They walk towards the wall.) Piper: Okay. We have to create a circle. (They join hands.) Three, two, one. (Piper and Phoebe touch the wall and it opens up. Abraxas appears.) Phoebe: Hold on. Now, Prue, now! Abraxas: First the book, then you. Phoebe: What's the matter with you? Piper: Prue, use your power. Phoebe: Prue! (Abraxas pushes them away and they slide across the floor. The portal closes. Phoebe and Piper look angrily at Prue.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs.] Piper: Prue, what happened up there? Prue: Nothing. Phoebe: Yeah, nothing is exactly the problem. Prue: I never said that I had the power to go against him. You did, remember? Phoebe: No, the Book of Shadows did. Prue: Well, maybe it was wrong. Maybe Abraxas is just too strong. Piper: Maybe, but that doesn't explain why you hesitated. Prue: I didn't hesitate. Phoebe: The hell you didn't Prue. I saw you. Piper: We both saw you. Prue: So, what are you saying? This is my fault, is that it? Because I can't defeat Abraxas? Phoebe: No, Prue, you can. You just won't. Okay, something is holding you back. Something big time and instead of facing it, you're running from it. Piper: Phoebe... Phoebe: But you can't keep running, Prue. Because you have got to figure out what your problem is, otherwise we're all dead. (Prue starts to cry.) Prue: That's right, Phoebe. It's my responsibility, isn't it? The oldest sister, always supposed to be able to figure things out. Well, if that's the case, then how come I couldn't save Andy? If I'm supposed to be so powerful, how come I couldn't save him? I mean, my god, don't you understand? Andy died because of me, it doesn't matter what he said, it was my fault. How could it be good to be witches if all it does is get the people we love killed? (She cries.) Phoebe: Oh, sweetie. Piper: Prue, it's not your fault. You tried to keep Andy from coming here that night, remember? You tried to warn him but he came anyway. He came because he wanted to. Phoebe: And there was nothing that you could have done to stop him, Prue. He chose to walk through that door, not because of who you are, honey, but because of who he was. Piper: Protector of the innocent, just like us. Prue: I just don't know if I believe in it anymore. Phoebe: Honey, we've done a lot of good as witches too. You know that. But that doesn't mean that bad things still aren't gonna happen. But just because we can't help that, doesn't mean that is our fault. Piper: Or yours. Phoebe: Come here. (They all hug.) Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. (They look around.) Phoebe: Okay, did you guys hear that? Piper: Mm-hmm. Prue: Grams? Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. Prue: How is that possible? Phoebe: I don't know but it's gotta to be a good thing if we're all hearing it. Piper: Maybe it means we're connected. Phoebe: To be as one. Maybe that's what the Book meant by the Power of One. Piper: The three of us working as one. Prue: Which is what the triquetra represents. (Phoebe looks at her watch.) Phoebe: Almost sunrise. Do you think you're ready to try the window again? Prue: Yeah, yeah, but Abraxas will be ready for us here. We have to take him by surprise, go where we're most powerful, where we're most connected. [Cut to the park. Prue, Piper and Phoebe have joined hands around a stone.] Prue, Piper and Phoebe: "Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night, the oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought." [Cut to Abraxas undoing the spell that gave them their powers.] [Cut back to the girls.] Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power." [Cut back to Abraxas. The pages of the Book of Shadows turn over. He turns back to the spell and continues to read it backwards.] [Cut back to the girls.] Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night, the oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought." [Cut back to Abraxas. The Book disappears.] [Cut back to the girls. The Book drops out from the sky and lands on the rock.] Phoebe: Prue, Piper... Prue: Keep chanting. Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night..." (Abraxas appears above them) Abraxas: What are you doing? How'd you bring me here? Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "The oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought. In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power. In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power. In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power." (Abraxas is vanquished. Phoebe grabs the Book.) Phoebe: And we didn't even have to get naked. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there. Prue places the Book of Shadows back on its stand.] Prue: That's more like it. (She flips through the Book.) Piper: I'll feel better when we erase that window. I don't want any more demons coming through it. Phoebe: They can't. It's our window, not theirs. Piper: Still, better safe than sorry. Especially if we can expect any more demons like Abraxas coming. (She goes over to the wall.) Prue: Well, apparently we can. "Rite of Passage. Fight it with the Power of one, or else... a more powerful evil that awaits will destroy you". Phoebe: Wow. I'm glad I didn't finish reading that yesterday. I might have changed my mind about not wanting to give up our powers. Prue: No, you wouldn't have. You like being a witch too much, Phoebe. And you help remind me that I like being one too. Phoebe: Hmm. Piper: Hey, me three. Too bad it doesn't pay the bills, though. Phoebe: (to Prue) Did you get it? Prue: Mm-hmm. (They happily go over to Piper.) Piper: Get what? (They hand Piper an envelope.) What's this? (She looks at it.) $60,000? Where did you get this? Prue: Home equity loan. Phoebe and I took a second out on the house. To help you buy your club. Phoebe: Actually, our club technically. Prue: Right, as long as you don't mind being partners with your sisters. Piper: Thank you! (They all hug.) Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. (They pages turn on the Book of Shadows and Grams' spirit appears.) Prue: Grams? Grams: Hello, my darlings. Oh, it's nice to see you, or rather, it's nice being seen by you. Piper: But-but-but how is this... Grams: Possible? All things are possible, my dear. It's just simply a matter of your being able to do them. Phoebe: Wait, so you're the one that keeps turning the pages in the book? Grams: Just my way of looking after you. As best I can, anyway. Don't try to understand this. You're not ready yet. But the fact that you could hear me before, can see me now, means that someday you might be. Be good to each other. I love you. (Grams disappears. The book turns to a page.) Piper: Is it just me, or is this attic getting awfully crowded lately? (They go over and look at the page.) Prue: Look. (Grams has written "Happy Anniversary, My Darlings" on the page.)"
"The sisters face a demon named Abraxas , who steals the Book of Shadows and undoes some of the spells they've cast (in reverse order), releasing old vanquished enemies of the Charmed Ones and forcing them to remember the vanquishing spells from memory alone. The sisters have one chance to recapture the Book of Shadows or they will lose their powers forever. The sisters also meet their new neighbors, Jenny and her uncle Dan Gordon . Phoebe and Piper learn through the Wiccan community that because their anniversary of activating their inherent powers falls on an equinox , a wiccan holy day , each of their powers will be more developed and greatly magnified but only temporarily."
"Michael: Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you? Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael. Michael: Huh? Kevin: I almost died. I... I went into this skid--- Michael: Pop quiz. Kevin: ...What? Michael: Why is today a special day? Kevin: I almost died. Michael: Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you... Ryan: You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class. Michael: In business school, Kevin. Business school. Kevin: Wow. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you? Dwight: "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Will they throw their hats, you think? Ryan: What? Michael: A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air. Ryan: Y-You understand nobody's graduating. Michael: Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: "May your hats fly as high as your dreams." ... That was a pretty good line. Ryan: ...It doesn't apply. Michael: I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! [pokes Ryan] Whoa, hey! Ryan: Quit it! Michael: We have fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: I can't for your art show tonight. Pam: Okay, just so you know, it's just the students from my class in a little studio. Roy: I-I wouldn't miss it for the world. Pam: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. ... Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Love ya. Pam: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I can't believe you're back together with Roy! Pam: Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know. Kelly: Oh my God. You're so in love now. Pam: Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way. Kelly: Oh, art show! Pam: I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there. Kelly: ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? [runs over, throws frisbee] Whoo! College Student: ....Dude. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: ...Oh my God. Animal stool. [jumps on desk] Pam: Dwight, what are you doing? Dwight: Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. [opens ceiling tile] Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT! Karen: Oh my God! Dwight: BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes! Stanley: Goooood bye. Angela: [on ground] ... Please don't let that stupid thing near me... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now. Ryan: ...Dunder-Mifflin can't compete with the modern chains, and management is unwilling, or unable, to adapt. Their customers are dying off... Michael: I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: We have... a bat... in the office. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Okay. Thanks. [hangs up phone] Animal control will be here at six. Dwight: At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership. Jim: I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd... Dwight: What? What's so wierd? Jim: The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... [shrugs] Oh well. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: And now, without further ado, I present the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott. Michael: Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. [rips pages out of book] You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. [gives book back] I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [sighs] This is your job, Halpert. Jim: Ow! Karen: Oh, what happened? Jim: That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot. Karen: But Jim, this garlic bread is cold. Jim: What? ... No. It burned me. I... bizarre. Dwight: No... no. One crisis at a time. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "sylvania." Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... [pulls out a candy bar] a Whatchamacallit [throws bar]. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay [takes out a PayDay, throws it]. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand [throws 100 Grand bar]. [pulls out a Snickers] Satisfied? [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it. Pam: Oh! No, you should go. Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies. Ryan: Michael. Michael: ...And products! Ryan: What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing. Michael: Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up. Business Student #1: Sir, as a company that primary distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world? Michael: We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. [everyone types on their laptops] [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Hey Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted. Jim: Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare. Karen: What glare? Jim: The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance-- Creed: Sure. Dwight: --to use sudden violence. Creed: Okay. Dwight: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake? Creed: What size? [SCENE_BREAK] Business Student #2: What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain? Michael: ...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back. Business Student #2: Has anyone ever come back? Michael: ...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid. Business Student #3: How far has your Herfindahl index declined since the merger? Michael: Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index? Business Student #3: ...What? Michael: Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here? Business Student #1: By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years. Michael: ...Wait, Ryan said that? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat. Creed: Animals can't feel pain. Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family! Dwight: Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW! Kelly: AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT! Kevin: [locks bat in break room] I... am a hero! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay. Business Student #2: But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain? Michael: David will always beat Goliath. Business Student #1: But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax... Michael: Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, s*x predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school? Business Student #1: But in the big picture... Michael: Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. [walks out] SO SUCK ON THAT! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: ...It wasn't personal. Michael: Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things. Ryan: Pack my--? Michael: You heard me, pack your things. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: I really want to come out! Creed: Good night, Mary Beth! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control? Dwight: Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six. Jim: Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight. Dwight: Goodbye Jim. And good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: ...And it's all from the same series. Woman: Oh. Pam: Called 'Impressions.' Woman: Oh. Pam: Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se. Woman: Maybe one day. Pam: I hope so. Woman: Mmm. Pam: I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. [Woman leaves, Roy enters] Hey, babe, how are you? Roy: Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh? Pam: Hey, Kenny. Kenny: Hey Pam. Roy: How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh! [puts bag over Meredith's head] Meredith: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me! Dwight: Hold still, woman! Meredith: Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh! Dwight: ...[captures bat in bag] ... You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them. Pam: Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home. Roy: To my place? Pam: Maybe, I'm a little tired. Roy: Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art. Pam: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fire me. Michael: Fire you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex. Ryan: To the annex? Where... Kelly is? Michael: A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: You're the one who said we needed more culture. Gil: This is culture to you? Oscar: It's her first try. Gil: Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants. Oscar: Meaning what? Gil: Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty. Oscar: Well, those aren't Pam's strong points. Gil: Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art. [SCENE_BREAK] Artist: Thanks for coming. Michael: Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town. Pam: Oh, Michael. Michael: Wow! You did these... freehand? Pam: Yep. Michael: My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. [sighs] ... How much? Pam: What do you mean? Michael: I don't see a... price. Pam: Um... you wanna buy it? Michael: Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car? Pam: Uh-huh. Michael: That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you. Pam: [hugs Michael] ... Thank you. Michael: What? Pam: Do you have something in your pocket? Michael: ...Chunky. Do you want half? Pam: No thank you. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God... Ryan: It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited. Kelly: I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't..."
"In an attempt to get extra credit, Ryan invites Michael to his business school as a guest speaker. Michael attempts to make a motivational speech, unaware that Ryan has introduced him as an ineffectual manager of an out of touch company. Meanwhile, a bat is discovered in the office, leading Dwight to lead an attempt to capture it. That night, Pam displays her artwork at an art show, and is disappointed when few of her co-workers attend. Michael finally arrives after giving his speech and, in a moment of genuine kindness, compliments her work and buys her painting of their office building."
"Stanley: This is ridiculous.\nPhyllis: Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here?\nMicha(...TRUNCATED)
"Michael and Jan invite Jim, Pam, Andy, and Angela to a dinner party at the couple's condominium. Wh(...TRUNCATED)
"1: EXT. STREET IN LOP\n(TEGANA takes the phial of poison from his ally and stares at it.)\nTEGANA: (...TRUNCATED)
"Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of(...TRUNCATED)
"Act 1\nScene 1 - The Radio Station. Fade in. Frasier is on the air.\nFrasier: Go ahead, Sophie, I'm(...TRUNCATED)
"Roz's mother Joanna is visiting, and Frasier suggests fixing her up with Martin. They spend an even(...TRUNCATED)
"Scene: The comic book store.\nLeonard: It's from Game of Thrones. What do you think?\nSheldon: I do(...TRUNCATED)
"Howard is ecstatic to learn that he will be traveling to the International Space Station as a paylo(...TRUNCATED)

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