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10004zw | [removed] | 1 | "2022-12-31T18:16:22" | To All BORU contributors, Thank you :) | CONCLUDED | IsItAcOnSeQuEnCe | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10004zw/to_all_boru_contributors_thank_you/ | false | false |
10025jy | **I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** [u/dude-wheres-my-car](https://www.reddit.com/user/dude-wheres-my-car/) **in 2015 in** r/legaladvice
​
[**Car was mistakenly towed from my own parking spot and tow company won't release my car without paying huge storage fees**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3x45v9/car_was_mistakenly_towed_from_my_own_parking_spot/) (16 Dec 2015)
I own a condo that I am remodeling before renting it out again. The condo has 2 numbered parking spaces in an *oversized driveway*. My in-laws have been staying with us for the holidays, so we parked one of our cars (a black Land Cruiser) at the condo 2 weeks ago. Annoyingly, there was a dark red Toyota 4runner illegally parked there. We called the tow company contracted to our property and gave them the make/model, color, plate number, and the number of the spot. They said would tow the car. We parked our Land Cruiser in our other parking spot and went home.
Last night, I went to get the car and it was gone! I reported it stolen. Quite annoyingly, the red 4runner was still there. While I was on the phone talking to the police, my wife called the tow company to confirm that they towed the car I called about 2 weeks ago. They said they did and said it was still there. They towed MY CAR! They towed the black land cruiser parked in spot #2, instead of the red 4runner parked in spot #1. They didn't even bother to check the plates, or the model, or the color.
At the lot, they said that in order to release my car, I would have to pay the tow fees and the 2 week storage fee before they would release my car. The manager sort of acknowledged that they made an error but kept on saying that it was company policy for the fee to be paid before a release. He said they would be willing to waive the tow fee as it was their error, but I am still responsible for the storage fees which is over $1000.
The cops said this was a civil matter and they couldn't intervene.
What are my options?
1. Is there any legal action that I can do to get my car back **today** without paying $1000? They screwed up, not me. I have the money but my life is so crazy that I don't really have time to sue in small claims court and deal with that hassle plus trying to collect if I win.
2. They said if I didn't pay today, the daily fee continues to accrue. If I don't pick it up today, is there a way to stop them from continuing to charge their daily storage fee as they admitted the car was towed in error?
3. The lot has no gate. Can I just get in my truck and drive it away? They said that I would be arrested for car theft if I did.
**TL;DR** \- tow company towed my car mistakenly. They won't release my car unless I pay them storage fees. Help.
​
**Relevant Comment:**
One commenter doesn't understand how this isn't theft. [A\_Soporific](https://www.reddit.com/user/A_Soporific/) explains:
In this case the business had a contract that included permission to take cars from a lot and licensing that gives them permission to take and hold cars from the state. They were asked to take a car from a lot they were authorized to and did so. There's nothing *criminal* about that. There was no intent to break the law and simply having the car in the lot isn't a crime because they were authorized to do so.
The State doesn't have a dog in the fight, no one intentionally did anything that violates a law.
The owner of the car is being wronged and a *tort* has been committed by the tow lot. What is the difference? A tort comes from simple negligence that causes another harm. Many things are both a tort and a crime, but due to the licensing and contractual authorizations in this case it's not a crime. It's not stealing to move a thing that you are permitted to move from one place to another. It is stealing to move a thing that you are *NOT* authorized to move.
The police aren't triers of fact. They don't know who is right and wrong and bringing an implicit threat of force into arguments isn't a good way to bury them once and for all. Rather than making a guy with a gun decide on the spot we have a system that keeps the police sidelined in these cases and makes people resolve these disputes *civilly*. And by that I mean in court.
They admitted guilt, which makes this case pretty much a slam dunk, but asking the police to pick sides in every case like this is just more trouble than it's worth.
​
[**UPDATE: Car was mistakenly towed from my own parking spot and tow company won't release my car without paying huge storage fees**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3yk50f/update_car_was_mistakenly_towed_from_my_own/) (28 Dec 2015)
I grudgingly paid the $1000 and picked up my car that day.
I filed suit in small claims court against the business and owner before Christmas. This morning I served him at his office. Actually, my neighbor's home-from-college daughter served him. She was surprisingly smooth doing it. I was "standing in line" behind her when she did it. The owner didn't know me as it was a different employee who was at the office when I was last there. I explained why I was suing him and he was either really annoyed or didn't seem to care much. It was hard to tell. Before leaving, I handed him a letter from our Condo Board (of which I am a member) informing that when his contract expires at the end of February, it was not going to be renewed. It was surprisingly easy to convince my fellow board members to not renew his contract as they have heard similar complaints from other owners and guests.
About an hour ago, he called me (from the number on my original request to tow) to tell me that his employee "mistakenly" charged me the storage fees and should have just given me my car. That was a lie because the manager/employee called the owner when I was originally there and asked him, and it was the owner himself who told him to waive the tow fees but still charge the storage fees. I told him as much. He said his employee must have "misunderstood" and apologized, which I believed not at all.
He offered to refund the money if I agreed to renew his contract with the property. I said that this was not going to be a *quid pro quo* and that he should do what he thought was right. I told him that if he refunded the \~$1000 PLUS the filing fee, that I would drop the lawsuit. If he didn't, I would let the court decide. As to his contract, I said that we were meeting officially next week to discuss new tow contracts, and that his company would be free to offer his services again. I did not tell tell him that there was no way that we were going to give him another contract.
Here are my questions for this mini-update:
1. If the owner gives me back the money (including the filing fee), have I actually agreed to give his company back the contract with our property?
2. If he doesn't and I end up going to court, what sort of evidence should I bring with me?
3. Is there any sort of implied extortion by offering to drop the lawsuit if he paid the money (and fee) and telling him that his contract wasn't being renewed and that the board was meeting to find a new company, but that he could resubmit if he liked?
**TL;DR** \- Served small claims suit on tow company. Told them their tow contract would not be renewed with property. They offered to return the money if we renewed their contract.
​
**Reminder: I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** [u/dude-wheres-my-car](https://www.reddit.com/user/dude-wheres-my-car/) **in 2015 in** r/legaladvice | 5,743 | "2022-12-31T19:52:50" | Car was mistakenly towed from my own parking spot and tow company won't release my car without paying huge storage fees | INCONCLUSIVE | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10025jy/car_was_mistakenly_towed_from_my_own_parking_spot/ | false | false |
1004j93 | [removed] | 1 | "2022-12-31T21:47:44" | My (29F) husband (30M) has been going out with his co-worker lately (23F) | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1004j93/my_29f_husband_30m_has_been_going_out_with_his/ | false | false |
10061th | [removed] | 1 | "2022-12-31T23:04:03" | AITA for reporting my best friend to the HR because she got our coworker fired for harassment? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10061th/aita_for_reporting_my_best_friend_to_the_hr/ | false | false |
100938g | **I am not OP, posted by** /u/stolen-ideas **in** r/amitheasshole **on the 14th of September, 2020.**
​
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/is9p55/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/) \- 14th of September, 2020
**Unnecessary edit because there are just too many ugly messages**: To those who think this is fake because of incoherency, grammar, and structure; it's why editors and proofreaders exist. They're hired to fix the manuscript before publishing. I didn't proofread this, and that's my fault. I like to write, but I'm not a professional writer. English is my second language. To those who think it's impossible to make lots of profit from a one-time self-published book with an unheard of author: SIL has a decent following. When her followers by the book, it climbs Amazon ranking, and that means it's more visible to other buyers interested in the same genre.
I came here not for legal advice at first because I was struggling morally. I needed help, not to have people attack me in private messages and in the comments.
**To those who only commented that this is fake or how I can't be a writer who fail at basic writing skills: if you do not have anything useful to say, please kindly keep your irrelevancy to yourself.**
\*\*\*
I (24f) write as a hobby, and I like sharing my short stories with my small following. I do want to publish one day, but I want to make it perfect first since it's not edited yet.
The unfinished book we're talking about came from an idea that I started to build when I was in middle school. I just finished it last year, but because of the virus, I was forced to put that project aside to ensure steady employment with my day job.
My brother and SIL came to visit me to introduce their baby daughter about 6 months ago. SIL just thrusted her baby into my arms even though I lack even the barest knowledge on how to hold a baby. The baby was fussy and my brother helped calm her down while SIL said she wanted to use to bathroom to pump breast milk.
They left later and I didn't think anything of it until recently that I was told SIL had published a book, and it had been a while since she published. Self-publish is not as time-consuming as traditional publishing. I don't doubt my SIL's intelligence because she is a smart woman, but I've always heard how she dislikes books cause they're boring and drags on.
I wanted to show my support and brought a copy only to realize it's way too similar to mine. I compared it to my copy of unpublished work; it's obvious it's been edited and proofread for fluidity and clarity.
I was angry and I admit I overreacted by confronting her over the phone. She said my screaming was upsetting her and hung up on me. It was a back and forth battle with phone numbers to get to the truth. By this time, my parents and her parents are involved.
[Update Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j53rip/update_wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book/)\- 4th of October, 2020
[Old Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/is9p55/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/)
**New Edit (11/18/20)**: Things did not go as planned. I can't give you an update now, but soon. Really sorry.
**Little update on the apology**: it's not out. She said she needed more time to prepare her emotional state and she's overworked with their child, but she'll let me know when I can have the apology.
(ʘ言ʘ╬)
\*
Thank you everyone for giving me advices on how to proceed with this mess.
After speaking with my pre-law friend, I decided to go the legal route. I reiterated my compromise with SIL and my brother, but he has fully taken her side. My parents warned me that I'd be disowned and I'd be dead to them if I'm willing to stoop so low.
I hired a lawyer and given all the details on my side. My lawyer said she needs my unedited manuscript for the book and my SIL's published book along with the copy SIL sent to have it proofread and edited. Because the published book has different parts changed, my lawyer needs the unedited version which SIL should still have in the transaction she did with her editor and proofreader. We took the risk to ask SIL for the unedited copy she sent to her editor & proofreader despite the chance of having her feign "I don't remember their names, I don't have their contacts anymore, I don't want to, etc." I told SIL that we will go through the route of having to use third-party notarization to ensure no foul play on either part (have 1 individual look at my unedited manuscript and the one she sent to her hired editor + proofreader).
Once I told her that, she must've realized I was not bluffing. SIL and my brother accepted the compromise (I take the pseudonym, the royalties: with evidence of sold copies). I stipulated that SIL must put a message out to her followers on her blog that she stole from me and not a single word in the book is hers. I thank the Redditors for suggesting that.
She is clearly pissed off and disgusted with me for doing this to my own family.
I threatened her with further legal proceedings if she doesn't do it. No lawsuit happened, but I'm glad I got a professional option just in case. As words got back to my parents of what I did and how dare I got a lawyer to punish SIL because her blog followers will surely lose trust in her and future revenue.
I told them and my parents that if they have anything to say, use my business email. I'm done with them. They treated an outsider (SIL one month into dating my brother) better than they ever did to me. I don't need that negativity dragging me down.
I'm happier, more free with my opinions, and I don't have to feel the need to compete with everything SIL does just to get my parents to love me a little more than a daughter in name.
I have my friends; they've always been more of a family unit to me than my biological ones. I knew I was going to lose something coming out of this, but I didn't expect I'd be okay with the disappointment and hurt.
Thank you, everyone. And no, I will not be telling anyone what the name of the book is because I only came here to get a moral judgment and update everyone on what happened. Please don't think I'm using this for clout. The book will not be promoted on Reddit: not then, not now, and not in the future either. | 10,756 | "2023-01-01T01:47:08" | WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealing my book and making a huge profit from it? | REPOST | anonziee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/100938g/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/ | false | false |
100a9wo |
[ORIGINAL: I (25 F) begged my partner (28M) for an open relationship. 8 months in, he left](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zre4m2/i_25_f_begged_my_partner_28m_for_an_open/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
By u/ThrowRA_Sleeptime
(December 22, 2022)
I (25F) begged for an open relationship. 8 months in, he leaves me.
8 months ago I (25f) asked my partner 28m) for an open relationship as I got bored with him, (nothing wrong but he just didn't excite me much) and he agreed, but he proceeded to tell me there's a catch, "if he catches feelings for a partner he's going to leave me for her" and that's exactly what happened and I want him back in my arms. He left me for his new partner (28-29ishF).
What can I do to win the love of my life back??
[OOP blames her "boredom" with her ex-boyfriend on her ADHD. She also considers "giving him sex" interesting enough.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zre4m2/comment/j133tx9/)
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zukbec/update_i_25f_begged_for_an_open_relationship_8/)
(December 24, 2022)
Probably nobody asked for this, but here's an update I was kicked out of his house last Sunday, that's 6 days now And I excruciatingly miss him, I will do anything to get him to return to me but he looks happy on social media with his new partner that I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me with.
Anyways I tried calling him, no answer, I saw him in public And he pretend to not even know who the fuck I was He won't acknowledge my existence, so I went to our former place just to talk, and things got hostile, his new Gf hates me for some reason, I didn't even know her, and she proceeded to try and attack me, while he tried to split us up And get me out the door.
When he had his back turned she MACED me. And now HE'S trying to file a restraining order on ME! The hell did I do wrong? She attacked me and pepper sprayed me.
How can I convince him he's dating a psychopath?
[OOP continues to refuse to leave her ex-boyfriend until she can win him back.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zukbec/comment/j1jqdqu/)
[OOP says her ex-boyfriend is trying to take a restraining order on her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zukbec/comment/j1jwg05/)
*New update that I missed earlier. Approved by the mods (thank you btw)*
[UPDATE: My ex-boyfriend got a restraining order.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10037qb/25f_28m_my_ex_followed_through_with_his/)
(December 31, 2022)
This will probably be the last update, The restraining order has been filled, and I am not allowed within 100 ft of my ex Harry and his new Gf Jess.
I'm planning to move back to my home in Arizona and start over, they're happy, and I just want to find peace with my self
Thanks for everyone's advice and opinions, Yes I was already in therapy, and I am still in therapy Please, anyone my age or younger listen to my advice Tik Tok is not cool, please delete it, it's done me nothing but harm, and other people's stupidity can really poison your minds, in living proof
Thank you, take care! | 7,901 | "2023-01-01T02:55:00" | I (25 F) begged my partner (28M) for an open relationship. 8 months in, he left + UPDATE | CONCLUDED | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/100a9wo/i_25_f_begged_my_partner_28m_for_an_open/ | false | false |
100n222 | **Reminder: I am not OP. Posted by** u/AITASPECIALNEEDSStu **in** r/AmItheAsshole **- January 26th 2021**
\_\_\_
trigger warning >!ableism!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5cz0b/aita_for_using_my_special_needs_priviledges/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) \- AITA for using my special needs priviledges?
About a year ago, my university added psychological problems to the special needs students requests. I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and clinical depression so I decided to apply to the program.
The program is strictly enforced and they requested my diagnosis, the date and the doctor. Then, they contacted my doctor.
Well, I got in. I have around 1.5x time in exams, able to record the lectures, I can get help from the program when I need, some absences allowed etc.
One of my friends learnt about my special needs status and then confronted me. Told me since I was stable and functioning, I shouldn't be using the program and I was probably taking away from someone who needed it more.
It's true that I have been in therapy for a while and have been taking medication, my panic attacks are less frequent and less damaging.
She called me an asshole for taking part in a program clearly "isn't meant for me". Some of my friends told me they agree with her and that they had been thinking this for a while.
I am truly conflicted. On one hand, I truly benefitted from the program but on the other hand, maybe they're right and I am using this selfishly. So reddit, AITA?
[Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/laviir/update_aita_for_using_my_special_needs_priviledges/) \- UPDATE AITA for using my special needs priviledges?
**February 2nd 2021**
EDIT: Just needed to add as an edit. There were a few people who just never knew psychological problems can be seen as a disability needing accomodations. If you guys need information regarding the procedure of universities or the criteria, I would love to help each one of you. I know how hard it is to deal with this on your own. My wish is for these problems to be seen as normal as other disabilities, without prejudice. The process isn't easy but it is rewarding. The universities usually don't talk about these accomodations so ask! Ask your counselors, anyone in the departments!
Here is the link to the original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5cz0b/aita_for_using_my_special_needs_priviledges/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share).
First of all, thank you guys for the encouragement to use my special needs status and confronting my friend about her reaction. I admit I used some of your words when talking to her to better expain myself.
We talked, and at first it seemed like she was sympathetic to my situation but after a while, she told me that I was exaggerating and she specifically told me "I deal with depression and anxiety, I don't need the program". She expressed that she feels as though this was encouraging me to be lazy and while she understood there wasn't a limit to students in the program, she told me that I was being 'unfair' to those with learning disabilities by getting the same accomodations.
I tried to explain my accomodations, my need to get more time being because of a panic attack I had during a proctored Zoom exam but she kind of flaired up and shouted that it wasn't fair to her that she was not getting the same treatment. She felt like the university was playing favourites.
I decided to remove myself from the situation and told her that I was rethinking our friendship, not to contact me for now.
So there it is... Not a happy update but I at least got to explain myself. I am also contemplating whether I should send this post to her for her to see other people's reactions but I am not sure.
Thank you guys again! You guys really helped with my confidence in this situation. | 8,287 | "2023-01-01T16:24:45" | AITA for using my special needs priviledges? | CONCLUDED | anonziee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/100n222/aita_for_using_my_special_needs_priviledges/ | false | false |
100u9q9 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/deleted in r/TrueOffMyChest**
trigger warnings: >!abuse, sexual abuse, trauma!<
mood spoilers: >!heartbreaking. God I hope OOP is ok!<
---
[** I think that I genuinely hate my daughter**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x1j4h4/i_think_that_i_genuinely_hate_my_daughter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 30/august/2022
I have written here before but I cant find my post.
I was married to a very abusive man when I was very young. He held me prisoner in my own home and abused me on a daily basis. One day he just up and left with another woman. It was like something answered my prayers. It was the first time in 15 years that I saw the outside of my home. I had three children with him. My sons were old enough to remember the abuse but my daughter was only a couple of years old.
We tried to shield her as much as we could from the truth but she knew that he was abusive (maybe not all the details). He contacted us 20 years later when he was terminally ill and wanted to see his children. My sons refused but my daughter went to see him. Her brothers were very distraught by it but I told them to let her be. He died six months later.
When my daughter was pregnant, she found out that it was a boy and she told me that she was going to name him after her father. I fainted at the thought. I couldn’t believe her. I begged her not to do it but she just said that she was sorry but she didn’t have the same horrible picture of him that we had. And she insinuated that I’ve lied about her dad (he probably poisoned her mind). I didn’t know what to do and my sons said they didn’t want anything to do with her anymore but before that, without my knowledge, my sons met with her and her husband. They told them everything they remembered and everything they knew. All the abuse and imprisonment. Her answer was “I’m sorry but I don’t give a shit. This is NOT my experience with him*
I felt sick. The last time I saw her, when I tried to talk to her one last time. I was scared. I saw him looking back at me through her eyes and I was that 18 years old prisoner. I knew I hated her there and then. She has given birth now, and she texted me a picture of her and her son. I deleted it before even seeing it. She has called and texted multiple times. Now she’s saying I have turned her brothers against her. I did no such thing of course but I the partially the reason why they don’t speak to her.
Why don’t I feel more guilt or horror that I hate my own child. I never thought it’s possible and I’ve not admitted it to anyone because I’m disgusted with myself. Life sucks
[** ::Update:: I think that I genuinely hate my daughter. No I’m terrified of her.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xtw7ti/update_i_think_that_i_genuinely_hate_my_daughter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 02/October/2022
Hello again. About a few weeks ago I was here venting about something I thought I would be crucified for, instead I was met with so much support and understanding. I never did thank you. This community is amazing.
I wrote that I have decided to go no contact with my daughter. After she chose to call her son after my abuser (If anyone remembers me please can you include my old?). Anyway my daughter felt ostracized by her brothers and she spread talk about me influencing my sons to boycott her. After she gave birth she started texting me pictures of her son with his name. I never answered her. I also changed my phone number and my work number goes directly to an assistant before the calls/emails/texts are forwarded to me.
The only way she could contact me now is if she showed up in my place and she did that with her mother in law, husband and baby last Sunday morning. She gave me her son to hold and then she and the rest sat around the kitchen table. She was looking at me the whole time when she accused me if being a bad mother and grandmother. That I should get over myself because I wasn’t the only woman in the world who experienced a bad marriage. That I was spoiled. A loose woman. Selfish (all his rhetoric all his words, they talked about me). She told me that she knew why I was doing this. I was doing this because I wanted to exclude her from the inheritance but that she will fight will all her power for her and her sons right. I didn’t remember much of what happened next. I was feeling sick and felt like I was coming in and out of conciseness. I didn’t only hate my daughter I was terrified of her. All I could think of was that I didn’t want to be in the closet again. Next thing I remember is my son in law walking after me in the street with a coat in hand (it was very cold but I didn’t notice I was only in my shorts and tshirt) and asking if I needed an ambulance. He told my sons that I kept telling him not to take me back to the closet(ex locked me in the closet for days sometimes weeks when I disobeyed him).
Next thing I remember was my sons in the hospital. None of them lives in my town and I was planning to find a new job and move nearer them before all this happened. Now not only I don’t have anything here to live for. I’m terrified. I don’t know what inheritance my daughter was talking about either. I own so little. My car is old and my house isn’t of any significance. Anyway I’m selling it and I will give her her share. Make sure she can never again come after me about it. My sons are not happy about my decision but I would give her anything if she left me alone and never bothered me again. I am happy to buy my freedom if it was the money she was after all along. My older son said that she was planning to take over the house once I retired. It was something she’s talked about before. Way before she even met her husband. When my sons left home she was thinking since she’s the only one living in town. She could take the house and start her family. When I cut her off she thought I was gonna cut her off my will too. That’s why she still kept trying to force a relationship with me.
Now I can buy her out of my life. The rest I will put on a down payment for a small space in my new city. Work from home until I can be transferred or find a new job. If you made it this far thank you for listening and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
Final edit:
thank you all for the advice. Seems like the majority feel the same way as my sons. I will need to think more and talk to my therapist. I’m not in any hurry to take any actions now. I realize that I’m in no position to think straight. I’m moving in with my eldest for the time being and I’m try to put myself together.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 12,976 | "2023-01-01T21:40:28" | OOP hates her own daughter | INCONCLUSIVE | None | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/100u9q9/oop_hates_her_own_daughter/ | false | false |
1014q2q | Originally posted by u/Throwaway-Row4401 in r/aitah on Dec 19, '22, updated about 5 days later.
TW Warning Cat Fact:
DID YOU KNOW...
That a female kitten can reach sexual maturity and become pregnant at just 4 months old?
The youngest I have seen a female become pregnant was at 3½ months old. This can be dangerous for both the mama cat and her babies. Don't wait to spay and neuter! Feel free to hit me up if you need information on finding low-cost spay/neuter clinics.
Content Warning: >!Sexual Assault, PTSD!<
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/zq8pcn/aita_for_refusing_to_apologize_for_accidentally/)
AITA for refusing to apologize for accidentally breaking my BIL’s nose and kicking him out of my house?
Some context, I (32F) was r*ped when I was 17 during a home invasion (I was home alone). It has taken me years of intensive therapy to learn to live with what happened to me, and I am now in a great place, and overall happy. I should mention as part of my healing process I’ve taken Muay Thai (Thai kicking-boxing) since I was 18 to help develop a sense of control and self-defense. One of my few triggers due to the nature of how my attack went down is being grabbed from behind. Being grabbed from behind automatically makes me panic and triggers my PTSD. All my close friends and family are aware of this. They don’t all know the reason behind the fear, they just know not to do it, including my BIL.
Now, onto the AITA part. Last week, I hosted a get together with a couple of family and friends at my home. My BIL(29M) has always been something of a prankster/jokester. In the 5 years that he and my sister have been together, we have gotten along fairly well, and his prankster ways has never been an issue as he’s never really directed them towards me. At one point during the evening I went upstairs to change. My BIL thought it would be “hilarious” to scare me as a prank. While heading back downstairs in the hallway, he came out of the guest bedroom and grabbed me from behind.
I lost my shit. In my panic, I elbowed him in the face, which ended up breaking his nose. Even after everyone rushed upstairs, and I saw it was just him, I could not stop spiraling and was in a full meltdown. I ended up calling him every name in the book and kicking him out of my home.
Now that a few days have passed, my sister reached out, stating that she thinks I need to apologize. Her reasoning being that he had no way of knowing that pulling a “harmless prank” would have caused such a reaction, especially since he didn’t know the reason behind my fear. I stand by that, it doesn’t matter that he didn’t know the details of why I was scared. He was aware that it was a debilitating fear caused by something traumatic and should’ve known better. Not to mention that he has yet to apologize to me as I “broke his nose”.
Our family believes that my violent reaction was justified. However, they do think that kicking him out was a step too far. So AITA?
**UPDATE:**
First and foremost, I would like to thank everyone for all the support and wonderful comments. Especially all the comments calling me a bad ass for learning to defend myself and get to the point where I am today. Truly thank you, you all put a genuine smile on my face. Also, all the F around and find out comments made me laugh, which, after all the recent events was definitely needed.
I wanted to first clarify/answer some common questions I saw. For those wondering what I meant by being grabbed from behind it is not a simple tap on the shoulder or a gesture someone would make when simply trying to get your attention, when I say grab from behind think bearhug. Also for those wondering, my attacker was caught and is currently still behind bars.
I ended up sending my family, sister and BIL included, the link to this post. After reading the comments, you all have made the family members that were previously thinking that I took it too far in kicking him out apologize and agree that until I felt comfortable, my BIL is not to be invited anywhere I am. Especially since he I am told is doubling down on that while “maybe it was messed up of him to scare me, it was still just a prank and I still broke his nose and need to apologize”.
So with that being said, I decided that he could kick rocks and I hope his nose heals crooked. My sister and I have not spoken. She sent me a text asking to meet me this weekend to talk.
Throughout this ordeal the thing that has hurt the most has absolutely been the way she has downplayed what her husband did. She more than anyone knows how hard everything was for me, and was there to see the aftermath of my attack. Depending how everything goes this weekend I will take the advice you all have made and make the decision on whether I need to go low/no contact with her. At least, until she fully understands the severity of the situation and apologizes. I will possibly update this post one last time after this weekend to let you all know where we stand. Again, thank you all
**2nd UPDATE:**
Hello all, after a very difficult and tearful conversation with my sister, I have come to the decision to go low/no contact with her. Completely no contact for sometime. She, like the rest of my family after reading all the comments you all have made, finally saw it from my perspective. She did apologize and state that she truly does understand what her husband did was wrong. However, she feels for the sake of her own marriage that she needs to stick behind her husband. And so, in the meantime, if her husband is not welcomed somewhere, she will not be there either.
I will say I am very hurt and disappointed, but that was her decision to make just like I made my decision in keeping my distance as it’s become clear that it will not be possible to maintain a relationship with her without maintaining one with him, which is not something I am willing to do for the foreseeable future.
Almost 3 weeks after the event and after reading hundreds of comments, this man is still doubling down. Even apparently had the nerve to say that the reason why everyone is on my side is because I provided a “sob story” beforehand. He still apparently fully believes that despite it being “messed up” it was still just a “joke” and I “overreacted and I am lucky that he doesn’t decide to sue me for the medical bill that he is going to receive for the broken nose.” Not that it will go anywhere as him grabbing me is considered assault.
I will no longer be updating this post. Again, thank you all for the support, and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday ❤️
*I am flairing this concluded as OOP has talked to her sister, is standing her ground on no apology to BIL, and has decided to go low/no contact. This appears to be the (albeit sad) resolution (I say sad only because her relationship with her sister has been affected; BIL can suck dinosaur balls)* | 12,401 | "2023-01-02T05:46:45" | Woman Accidentally Broke Her BIL's Nose When He Tried To Scare Her (AITA Dec 19, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1014q2q/woman_accidentally_broke_her_bils_nose_when_he/ | false | false |
1019dln | Originally posted by u/justatrowaway5446 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Dec 23, '22, updated in the same post a couple days later.
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ztsomp/bought_stockings_for_everyone_and_mine_is_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Bought stockings for everyone and mine is the only one that’s empty.
I’ve never had a stocking for Christmas before and this year my boyfriend said we should get one for everyone (us and our 3 roommates) and hang them up. I was really excited about it and had a bunch of ideas for what I could put in everyone’s stocking.
So I’ve been filling them up with various little items (themed socks, candy, mini liquor bottles, etc). Today I was putting a couple of more things in them when I realized that mine is completely empty. All the others (even the dogs!) are filled to the brim and mine is completely flat.
It just made me really sad. Like I said I’ve never had a stocking before so I was looking forward to seeing what had been put in mine but I guess I’ve been the only one participating. All the roommates saw the stockings and also expressed excitement about them but I don’t know I they guess forgot about it? I don’t know how when they’re hanging up and everyone has been commenting on them like every day.
I don’t want to bring it up to my bf because I know he’ll just feel bad about it but it’s making me really sad.
Guess I won’t get a stocking this year after all.
UPDATE: Sorry I forgot to write an update!!! And we just opened gifts yesterday as well.
But basically the majority of you guys were right. Roommates didn’t care so they didn’t add anything to the stockings.
BUT my boyfriend did come through and filled mine up 🥰 AND I didn’t realize it until we were going through the stockings but my best friend (who doesn’t live with us) also added things to my stocking! I had told her how sad I was about it and so she added some things! It was so sweet of her 🥰
Soooo roommates suck but boyfriend and best friend made up for it!
Edit: Forgot to add that my boyfriend said he hadn’t had a chance to put my gifts in the stocking that’s why it was still empty but it did end up getting filled! ❤️
ALSO I didn’t realize how many of you were so invested in my Christmas story! Last I saw this post it had like 300 upvotes. Thank you so much for all the well wishes and for the awards (what exactly do I do with those?? Lol) and I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend!! And happy new year!!! ❤️❤️ You’re all so sweet! | 11,548 | "2023-01-02T10:25:06" | OP Filled Everyone Else's Stocking But Hers Is Still Empty (TOMC Dec 23, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1019dln/op_filled_everyone_elses_stocking_but_hers_is/ | false | false |
1019lp6 | Originally posted by u/narabaem in r/TrueOffMyChest on Dec 15, '22, updated in the same post, undated.
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zmsr59/im_tired_of_my_boyfriend_making_me_feel_guilty/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I’m tired of my boyfriend making me feel guilty about my privileges.
I (F26) have been dating my boyfriend (M28) for around 6 months. We met through a hiker’s group, and we really hit it off from there. Turns out we have some mutual friends, and so we as a big group would get together and do weekend hikes and camping trips often.
Hiking and camping is something that I started around a year ago. I was not an outdoors person, but it’s kind of nice to just be out in nature, and I’m glad I have a new hobby. I still think that I’m more of a city girl. I like going out with my girlfriends, and I like trying new restaurants. My boyfriend has been hiking and camping practically since he was a child. It kinda is his one thing that he loves above all else. I then discovered that this is basically all he does. He really doesn’t have any other hobby beside just hiking and camping. He’s got a job working for a big outdoor retailer. The money is shit, but he enjoys it.
I have my own apartment, and I have my own routine. He has roommates that he lives with. He will help me clean around the place when he’s here. I am never over at his place because it’s a mess. It bothers me that he’s over so often, because I want my own space too. When I brought it up that he shouldn’t spend the night EVERY night with me, he was so upset and I basically have to sit down and explained that I just want my own damn space too. He’s also upset at my spending habit. He thinks that I spend too much money on “useless” things like expensive groceries, my yoga and Pilates membership, my nails, my hair, ect. But I don’t see the big deal, it’s my money so I can use it how I want to. Even when we go out to eat, I have never once asked him to pay because I know that I have expensive taste, and he can’t afford it.
I’m graduating this month, and I will be starting a job at a big4 accounting firm. My parents are so proud, and I am proud of myself too. They got me a vacation and they gave me first class tickets as my graduation gift. They didn’t get my boyfriend a ticket. When my boyfriend found out, he kept ranting about what a waste of money it was and how that money could be use to feed people or help less fortunate people. I was upset. It was a gift from my parents, and they can afford it.
I know I’m fortunate, but I still shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about the nice things I have.
**Update**
EDIT: wow, this post really blew up so I have a few updates.
1) I do pay for my own expenses and my own apartment. I do have a full time job on top of school. My parents did pay for my tuitions however.
2) While my parents are well off, but they are never first class tickets people on the regular well off. This was a huge gift from them for my MBA.
3) I told my boyfriend that if he wanted to find a different path, I would help him find a counselor and looking for enrolling at a community college. I even offered to help him because I do care about him and I want a better future for him. He said and I quote “you’re gonna work for the man and you’re now trying to change me into one of them.” So he is now my **ex-boyfriend**. I see now that we are not compatible.
4) Thank you everyone so much for your support. I got a few laughs out of some. Shout out to the guy who warned me about the busy season. It’s going to be hell, but at least they have me a signing bonus. | 7,984 | "2023-01-02T10:39:05" | Woman's Boyfriend Makes Her Feel Guilty For Having Money & Privilege (TOMC Dec 15, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1019lp6/womans_boyfriend_makes_her_feel_guilty_for_having/ | false | false |
101j83w | Some general info from the reposter: Buffalo NY is known for its snowy winters, but the blizzard of 2022 has been called the storm of a lifetime. 48 inches/122 cm of snow fell in about 48 hours. With the windchill, the temperature was -30 F/ -34 C. The conditions were so bad that emergency services were suspended. 40 people died.
​
* I am NOT OP. Original post from [\*\*\*u/\*\*\***junedzaman**](https://www.reddit.com/user/junedzaman/) ***~~in~~*** r/Buffalo ***on December 23 2022 and from*** u/Spore211215 on the same day
* Trigger Warnings - None
* Mood Spoiler ->!Positive!<
* I did a little light editing to try and tie these posts together.
**First post:**
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Buffalo/comments/ztxex8/i\_need\_urgent\_help/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Buffalo/comments/ztxex8/i_need_urgent_help/)
My brother got stuck in his car since afternoon. He is near <address removed>, He is running out of gas. We tried our best to reach out to fire department, police and tow companies, but didn’t get any help yet.
Please someone help me.
Any help/suggestion would be really appreciated.
​
A comment from a local about the conditions in the area:
>Voulenteer firefighter here. Our trucks can not move in this snow. We are getting stuck. We can not get to ANYONE at the moment. At least 50% of the towns fire apparatuses are stuck somewhere. I hate to say this but if you can contact him tell him help is probably not coming. He is going to have to get resourceful. Knock on doors do something. There is nothing we can do at the moment. We are snowed in the firehall .
​
Comment from another poster, [**Spore211215**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Spore211215/)
>I live close by, I can bring some gas and warm clothes possibly. If he’s up for it I can walk him back to that fire hall. I live near that area
​
A new post written by [**Spore211215**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Spore211215/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Buffalo/comments/zuconj/comment/j1l1y6n/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Buffalo/comments/zuconj/comment/j1l1y6n/?context=3)
Saw another post on here saying someone was stuck on <street removed> near crabapples. Well I think to myself “Hey, I only live about half a mile from there. I bet I could help this person” and make the decision to go. He’s been stuck there all day and his clothes got wet from the snow trying to leave so I knew he was in need of help.
So I’m getting myself ready. I grab what little gas I have, I grab some food and water in case he needs any, and some new warm clothes and a blanket for him. Then I gear myself up. I put on some thick hiking socks, sweatpants, a backpack to carry my gear, puffy snow pants, a Hanes white tee, 2 sweaters, a jacket, a high vis vest, thick leather winter gloves, insulated winter muck boots, a headband, and a motorcycle helmet to try and combat the snow and wind.
So it’s time to head out. It’s about 11pm, wind gusts are still ripping outside and snow drifts can bring the visibility down to zero. The motorcycle helmet is a mixed bag of being a help and having snow stuck in my face, but overall a good choice. Now let me tell you that going to get this man was difficult. I’m a taller man myself so the snow banks weren’t as much of a struggle for me, but unfortunately when the snow drifts go up to my mid thigh and every step has my foot drop all the way down into the snow with no resistance… it leads to just walking becoming a big task in itself.
So I’m making my way down the street, and it is difficult. I get that I’m wearing a motorcycle helmet and it’s hard to breath in that, but even when the visor was lifted it was still hard to breathe, not only from the snow constantly blowing in my face but also the fact that it was hard to walk! I’m in decent shape but walking through those drifts is no easy task.
Eventually I make it down my street and a few streets over. Switching between easier and near impossible spots of walking along the way. I get to a automotive business and their building blocked a lot of the snow which let me walk like normal for once in a long while. I keep tracking but now I’m near a main road without buildings as densely packed so the snow drifts are blinding at points and I need to focus on buildings and objects to know where I’m going. Eventually I make it to the mans car after a good 40 minutes of walking when I only traveled 0.6 miles
So I get to the car and give him some clothes because that’s mostly what he was interested in. Didn’t care for any gas or food or water but I made sure to offer it to him to be sure. He changes and gets ready to make the trek himself with my help. After a few minutes he is ready and we’re on our way
He says he talked with someone and he has a house he can go to to be warm and safe for the night that is about 0.3 miles away. Alright sounds good let’s head there.
We make our way there. The man is not well dressed for the weather, but you gotta work with what you’ve got. He has regular sneakers on, his pants and my snow pants I gave him, the hat I gave him, the sweater I gave him and his shirt underneath. He throws a blanket on his head as a kind of protection against the wind and snow.
It’s bad out. My tracks from just a few minutes ago are all but gone, but I know the way I’m going so it’s alright. We walk up the road to the cross street and quickly cross the street. It’s hard to see or hear anything so we can’t really tell if a plow is coming so we act fast to try and stay safe. Then we make it to the side street. Well needless to say that street hasn’t been plowed in ages. Snow drifts near my chest and no paths available, so time to trail-blaze and make our own!
We need to make it maybe like 9 or 10 houses into the street but with snow like this we are barely progressing at all. I’m dressed for the conditions so I’m only getting tired. The man I’m helping isn’t doing great. Snow is accumulating on his face and he occasionally falls into the snow banks and needs to recover. When we get near houses that block the wind we take a break and relax because we need the energy to make it to this house and can’t give up. We’ll eventually through more struggles we eventually make it to the house. About 0.3 miles in 30 or so minutes.
The person living in the house graciously lets us both in. I recover by warming up a little bit, the snow that accumulated on my just starts dripping and melting which I know is a bad sign for me so I make my stop short so I’m not drenched in water on my trek back. The man I helped is very thankful and gets comfortable and warm for the first time in hours. But I can’t stay long so I tell him I’m glad he is safe, thank the homeowner / renter / whoever the man that let me in was.
Now on my way back home. It’s a few minutes after midnight. Made it about a mile in about an hour. Not great but it is what it is. It’s another 0.6 or so miles home. My phone is getting caked with ice at this point but surprisingly keeps working throughout the whole trip without any issues.
Time to make my way back. I can actually see my trail this time so I utilize my previous steps to try and make my walk back a little bit easier. I’m starting to struggle but know I can’t stop. Eventually I make it back to <street removed> and see a front loader messing around with some snow for I’m assuming emergency vehicle traffic. His windows are all iced and fogged up and I can’t tell if he even sees me. I’ve got my mission so I stay the hell out of his way and keep on going. I give a wave and a thumbs up and keep making my way back home. Cross <street removed> quick because now I KNOW the plows are around so I gotta be out of their way.
Back into my neighborhood. Now my trail is gone but I know where I’m going (or at least I think I do) and I keep making my way. I take a pit stop and call the girlfriend at home and let her know I’m ok and all that jazz so she can relax. Phone call ends and I keep making my way. Snow is blocking up my visor and I have been constantly raising and lowering it this whole trip. Fog and ice is really blocking my vision so i essentially need to keep the visor up to see and only lower it now to catch my breath or block the heavy snow gusts. My progress is really slowing now and my right leg is starting to hurt. Feels like I’m pulling something near my hip… oh well, that’s unfortunately not something I can dwell on while in the streets in a snow storm.
I keep making my way at a severely reduced pace and take a turn onto my street. Unfortunately I was a bit exhausted and confused and made the turn one street too early and realize that about halfway down the street. Weighing my options I decide I can’t really keep going forward here without risking wasting even more time trying to get home. So I back track to where I made the wrong turn and continue on the correct path. Eventually I make it one street further and make my correct turn. I am getting EXHAUSTED and my leg is really starting to bother me. No matter, gotta keep on going.
I hook a left and am on the final stretch home. Foot trail is gone again so I’m on my own for making a path. Snow drifts are getting bad and extremely difficult to get through. I start counting my paces and can only make between 10-25 (usually only 10) before I need to stop and catch my breath. Gotta keep going. That trails on for a while, eventually I start walking right up against peoples houses if the snow drift made a path to walk where there was less snow. I’m close to home but very very tired. Thankfully for the most part the snow is at least at my back on this path. I keep struggling but can’t give up, I am making nearly no progress but I gotta get home. Eventually I can see my house light but still have little energy to make it there. 10 steps. 10 steps. 10 steps. I’m close, I see the last section of snow to near my house. 5 steps. My leg is really hurting. 5 more steps. Boom, home. I am exhausted and ready to drop.
I make it in the door, girlfriend helps take off all my clothes and backpack and whatnot. I’m caked in snow but stayed warm throughout. I try to take my helmet off but the snow caked onto the back of my head so much that my hair had ice in it that made them stuck together and she needed to melt the ice with her hand to get it off. I have her check me for frostbite and surprisingly there’s none to be found (which I might debate. At the time of writing this my ears and still a bit numb and funny feeling, but nothing of much concern here. Almost like the feeling of Novocain at the dentist but to a much lesser extent) and then I relax. She has hot cocoa ready for me as I walked in and I just get to relax now. I earned this hot chocolate.
Mission success, helped a man get home safe and got home myself.
TLDR: saved a man stuck in the snow, it’s a monumental effort to walk in this snow. If you’re not saving your life or someone else’s… stay home. If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t have the right gear, and aren’t in good enough physical shape YOU. WILL. DIE.
​
A comment from the homeowner who took [junedzaman](https://www.reddit.com/user/junedzaman/)'s brother in:
>Thank you Man. You saved the guys life. May Allah bless you. I'm the home owner who you guys came in. For a second i thought you were a first responder with your \[Motorcycle\] helmet on. Lol. It's a happy ending story. The man stayed in my house 2 nights. And he headed out ho.e this morning. He helped me clean so.e snow off my driveway before he left. He arrived his home safe. His car is still stuck on the road. Thank you once again
And the response from **Spore211215**
>You helped save him too! Thank you for letting him into to stay with you, you're a hero for letting him in. No problem at all
Update 2 from [junedzaman](https://www.reddit.com/user/junedzaman/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Buffalo/comments/zuovk0/shoutout\_to\_uspore211215\_for\_saved\_my\_brother/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Buffalo/comments/zuovk0/shoutout_to_uspore211215_for_saved_my_brother/)
Last night i made a post to ask for help for my brother who stranded on the snow. After posting i got lots of suggestions and advice. Then from nowhere this man came and offered this help.
Shoutout to this kind human ANGEL \[Spore211215\], for helping my brother out of the snow in Buffalo last night!!!
This man deserves all the love and prayers and gratitude for risking his own life to help save the life of a stranger. My family will forever be indebted to him, and I just want to help spread his story in hopes of spreading some good news during this holiday season. Please help me in making this local story known, thank you and happy holidays! | 11,652 | "2023-01-02T18:09:27" | Someone turns to reddit when their brother is in danger of dying in the Buffalo Blizzard of 2022 | CONCLUDED | frieden7 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/101j83w/someone_turns_to_reddit_when_their_brother_is_in/ | false | false |
101s3pw |
**I am not the OOP. This is a repost sub.**
Mood spoiler: >!pretty bleak, but the trash took itself out!<
*originally posted in r/relationship_advice on Dec 25*
**[My (29F) husband (30M) has been going out with his co-worker (23F) lately](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zvbcgu/my_29f_husband_30m_has_been_going_out_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for over a year now. He’s been working in this company after he graduated from college. I’ve never heard him talked about any of his co-workers cause he’s not really that kind of guy who tried so hard to make a connection with other people. He’s very introvert and likes to be in his bubble. Sadly, he’s just the type of guy that easy to approach and talked with. He doesn’t know that but I’ve been with him for 8 years. He’s very calm, funny and quirky.
These past few months my husband has been mentioning this ‘poor girl’ I remembered a lot of bullshit happened to her this year that’s why my husband is trying to uplift her. My husband does not usually do that. He doesn’t usually give a fuck about anyone. He asked me if I’m cool if he’ll bring this girl to a bar and I asked if I could come along he said that he doesn’t really want to stir up awkwardness between me and her especially he’s trying to comfort her after she had this recent break up. He showed me her picture. She’s really obviously young and very pretty. I’ve read their conversations and it hurts sometimes that my husband always initiate the conversation.
They have been going out every Saturday. I told him I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with this friendship. He said that there’s nothing to worry about that he’s just helping her out. It’s like a female-female friendship. I don’t know what he’s trying to point out but everything between them two scares the shit out of me. My husband still let me read their conversation from time to time and the fuck, it hurts me that he respond to her faster more than me. I hate how he kept apologizing whenever this girl left her on read it’s like I’m fucking reading how my husband begged this girl to give him some of her attention and time and I can’t take it anymore.
I don’t know how I would approached him cause it always ended up that I’m feeling this for nothing that there’s nothing to worry about. I told him that I want to meet her and he said, for what reason? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even think she knew that my husband is married.
**[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zvbcgu/my_29f_husband_30m_has_been_going_out_with_his/j1owuhn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)**
*Update added as a comment the same day*
Update: After this post I approached my husband that I want him to stop seeing this girl every Saturday unless he would bring me along. He told me that I’m not making any sense that he could just bring me and why I’m making this a big deal. I asked him if this girl knew he’s married and based on his reaction I knew that she doesn’t know his married. He said that why would he brush the fact his married on her face. I called him names and he got so upset. I took his phone and go through every single app, he has been messaging her from time to time. I’ve found out he gave her a very expensive gift that worth almost $1k I was hella pissed about it. (We had joint and personal account). A lot of things happened after this post that my brain couldn’t process everything.
I’ve threatened him that I will tell this girl I’m his wife and she’s being a home wrecker. He said he will never forgive me if he ruined this one and only friendship he had. I told him that he doesn’t make any sense that he’s being disrespectful to our relationship. He said that he doesn’t feel the love ever since we got married. He never been this happy, excited and contented with anyone. I ended up messaging the girl she said that she doesn’t know that he’s married and very apologetic about it.
He was so mad and left the house. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been calling his phone but he’s not picking up. I message the girl if she’s with him. She said that he’s not there. That she just got into a break up and a lot of things happened to her she doesn’t want to be involved anymore. She was so sorry if she could have known he’s married she won’t even bother going out with him. I’ve found out she just started working there three months ago. I have so many questions in my mind.
**[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zvbcgu/my_29f_husband_30m_has_been_going_out_with_his/j1q2oij/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)**
*Update as a comment*
Another update:
I haven’t told any of my family and friends about this. I felt embarrassed, very ugly and pathetic right now. The last thing I want to see on their face is the pity face. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.
My husband went back around 3am and we talked about it. He said he could no longer sees me in his future ever since we got married. The reason why he has been working a lot was he does not want me to be around. I asked him why did he wait cause we’ve been married for a year. He thought his feelings will come eventually that it’s just a phase and there’s no way his love for me will be gone overnight but every day feels just worse for him. He doesn’t want me anymore that he think it’s totally over and we could even be friends. He said that throughout our marriage life he moved on. I felt the ultimate betrayal. I told him that we could go for couple counselling and work it out. He cried that he doesn’t want to be stuck anymore. It’s not about his co worker anymore it’s about what he felt in our relationship. He cried and ask for divorce while I’m crying and begging him not to. I’m so confuse and I don’t know what to do. I felt like I was a good partner.
I asked him about his co worker if they ever have sex. He said that he genuinely cares and likes her, he’s getting to know her more bullshit but he thinks she doesn’t see him that way. Nothing happened between them. I asked him about the money he spent on her he said that he bought her a Christmas gift.
I am so much in pain that I felt numb that I couldn’t believe this is happening to me. And I think this would be my last update. I guess I’ll be welcoming 2023 as fucking divorced woman.
**OPs note: marking as concluded as OOP says this will likely be their last update** | 8,715 | "2023-01-03T00:00:20" | My (29F) husband (30M) has been going out with his co-worker lately (23F) | CONCLUDED | ABBR-5007 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/101s3pw/my_29f_husband_30m_has_been_going_out_with_his/ | false | false |
1028th1 | I AM NOT THE OP. op is u/youngmom-tm
Original posted in r/Parenting on Dec 24 2022:
[My parents don’t want me to bring home my boyfriend for Christmas](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/zucqgb/my_parents_dont_want_me_to_bring_home_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Trigger warning: >!racism!<
Mood Spoiler: >!Disappointing, but positive!<
*****
Me and my kids always go to my parents house for Christmas and stay for a week or 2. Well this year I’m not sure what I should do because they’ve told me they don’t want me to bring my boyfriend who’s been coming to my house every year since we were 5.
His family is in Florida this year so he doesn’t have family to spend Christmas with. We have been friends since we were 5 and my parents have always loved having his family over for Christmas. We started dating in July and now they have a sudden change of heart. My dad flat out told me “it’s because he’s black, we don’t care if you’re friends but we can’t have that in our family.”
I’m not sure what I should do, go anyway? I don’t want my kids to not see their grandparents but I also don’t want him to be uncomfortable, and I don’t want my kids to be around people who can’t accept someone in their family just because he’s black. I was going to be telling them I am pregnant on Christmas Day but seeing as they don’t want that “in their family” they would hate the news. I’m so torn on what to do.
**edit/update (*BORU note: updated 5 hours later the same day)
I told my boyfriend what was said when it was said and he was also questioning me on if we should go because he was also still trying to process the fact that 2 people that claimed they loved him all his life suddenly doesn’t want him apart of this family.
At the time I wasn’t fully understanding that this baby will be black as well and if they can’t accept him how could they accept this baby.
When I told him I thought we shouldn’t go, he agreed and was incredibly hurt that my parents could act this way. I am confused and hurt as well because why would they act so nice and loving to him and his family for so many years if they feel this way.
I called my siblings that were going to tell them we wouldn’t be there and to tell them why and some of them were disgusted they could say such a thing and said they would come to our house for Christmas and a couple of them said I was being childish.
I wasn’t going to call my parents to tell them why I wasn’t coming but after reading some comments, they need to know why because they need to understand that their way of thinking is just wrong and they need to change.
So when I called I told them I wasn’t coming because I am with my boyfriend and their racist comments are not going to be tolerated around him or my children. Then I dropped the news that I was pregnant.
My mom came back with “that’s great hunny, another baby.” She didn’t even acknowledge anything I said before the baby. And I don’t think she fully understood that this baby would be black so I asked her how she would feel when that baby came out black because his father is black. She paused for a little and said “I’m sure we can love this baby as long as he doesn’t act like his father”
His father? You mean the one that stepped up through my break up with my children’s father and helped move me out of his place, the one that helped me take care of my kids if I needed it even when my parents wouldn’t, the one that’s been my best friend since we were 5, he got good grades, never got in trouble at school, and was always good to everyone. I don’t know how they could keep this act up for so long, it’s ridiculous.
So I’m not sure if they get it or ever will get it because I told her I was done with this and she wouldn’t see her grandkids anymore and she replied with we’ll see you later. I asked if I could talk to my dad and I could hear him say he didn’t want to talk so I hung up.
I’m done with that family, my parents and the siblings that choose their side. Me, my boyfriend, and my kids will make new traditions at our house with the family that we choose to make. This baby will be loved tremendously by the grandparents from his side and that will be enough.
Also to the people or person who keeps making the same comment. My boyfriend has a great job (yes,he can have 2 weeks off of work) funny how you didn’t ask those questions about me because you know I’m white, we are not engaged or married but it’s already been a discussion because we do plan to spend the rest of our lives together. Not that any of that matters because even if he was a ceo they would still have a problem with him because they don’t like his skin color.
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on how to tell my kids why we wouldn’t be going to grandmas for Christmas. I told them that we couldn’t see grandma and grandpa because they were being mean and saying hurtful things about someone that doesn’t look like them. My 5 year old understood right away because she asked if it was because of the things they say about Cj (my bf). Which means she’s heard them say things about him before they even said anything to me about it. I told her yes it was and those things aren’t nice to say or think about people.
Again thank you to everyone who had something helpful to say. I know I also need to educate myself if I’m going to have a half black baby
*****
*I AM NOT OP* | 10,208 | "2023-01-03T13:53:42" | My parents don’t want me to bring home my boyfriend for Christmas (Dec 24 2022) | CONCLUDED | CloudBun_ | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1028th1/my_parents_dont_want_me_to_bring_home_my/ | false | false |
102h1u0 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/firiedad **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: >!mention of miscarriage, stillbirth!<
[**ORIGINAL**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehrttw/aita_for_missing_the_birth_of_my_first_child_so_a/) \- 30th December 2019
This is a horrible situation and I need to know if my wife is justified.
My wife gave birth to our first baby 3 days ago. We've had a rough few years with 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth at 37 weeks. So my wife was terrified this whole pregnancy. I am a firefighter and was on duty when my wife went into labour. Her doctor said that it would likely be a while so I decided to stay at the base for a little longer because it is about mayhem and we're never enough people anyway. Then one of my mates gets a call that her grandfather had a heart attack and will probably not make it. Obviously she was devastated. Things got really hectic we got called out to another fire and our captain said one of us could go but not both. I told my colleague not to worry she should go and spend time with her grandfather since it will be her last chance. So I had to go out and missed the birth of my child. I got there 2 hours after my girl was born. I felt horrible and apologised profusely to my wife but she just yelled at me, said I let her down in the scariest moment of her life and then told me to leave. So I left and waited in the hallway. It's been 3 days and she refuses to say anything apart from the bare minimum related to the baby. They can leave tomorrow and she's informed me that she was going to stay with her sister who recently had a baby too until she "knows what to do about our relationship or what's left of it".
I understand that it must have been scary for her but my reasoning is that only one of us could leave and I will have a whole life to be with my child whereas my mate only had a few hours with her loved one left
**Verdict - Asshole (OOP receives a well deserved dress down in the comments)**
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g910dl/update_aita_for_missing_the_birth_of_my_first/) \- 27th April 2020
Lots of you wanted an update on my last post. It's nothing spectacular so don't get your hopes up too much.
Many of you said how it wasn't about being there for the baby but that I should have been there for my wife. You were absolutely right. I acknowledged my mistakes and apologised to my wife. I suggested we get therapy and she agreed. We're all back home together now and have been for a while. Things are good for us and we're happy with our little family.
For those of you who suspected that I cheated with my work mate, you were wrong. I may have been an arsehole in how I dealt with my wife giving birth but I would never cheat. I love my wife very much and I'm happy she's given me another chance and intend on being the best husband and dad that my family could wish for.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 7,638 | "2023-01-03T19:32:03" | OOP - AITA for missing the birth of my first child so a mate could be with her dying grandfather? | CONCLUDED | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102h1u0/oop_aita_for_missing_the_birth_of_my_first_child/ | false | false |
102i6fu | **I am not the OP. That is u/a_confusedperson. Originally posted on r/EntitledPeople. This is the continuation of a previous BORU post, which can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yz2yk8/my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a_kid/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)**
Mood spoiler: >!frustrating!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xk9jpi/my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a_kid/) *posted on September 21, 2022*
**My ex demmanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side.**
Some years ago, I dated a girl, the relationship was bad, she was very controlling and abusive, it ended up really bad and we broke up. I kept going on with my life, and after some years I got a decent job, enough to solve all my needs, have a comfortable life and make some savings.
The thing is, a couple months after getting my job, my ex contacted me,she first asked me to talk, I believed that she may want to reconnect or something, but she showed up with a 5 year old child, claiming he was my son and demanding for child support.
I didn't believed her, but the child age matched the time since we cutted contact. I got advice from a lawyer (a friend of mine) to try to solve this out of the court. I offered to take responsibility, pay all the costs and being an active part of the kid's life, only after making a DNA test. Everyone was ok with this except for my ex. She acted offended and demanded to "just give her the money she deserved". She used all the excuses she could, even contacted my family to told them I was trying to avoid taking responsibility of her child. When she run out of excuses, and the DNA test was finally made, and SURPRISE! I'm not the father. She was so mad with the result, and cried about the money, saying it was unfair and she deserved it. But she didn't acomplished anything.
Moving on to the last week, there was a little party on my parents house. My brother, a friend and I were talking, and my brother started to joke about the situation with my ex. My friend and I started to joke about it too, some of our comments were a little dark and bad, but we were far away from the rest of the people (literally we were on the opposite side of the house), and nobody else could hear us, at least that was what we thought. We were laughing like crazies when my sister appeared very angry and pushed me against the wall. She spyed us and heard our conversation and she was really mad. She started to yell at us about how horrible people we were for being mocking of a poor woman.
Few hours later, when the party ended, she asked me to go to the kitchen with our parents, and she started to say how awful I was for the previous situation. Apparently, my ex had been in contact with her, and she believed her version, and that was her way to have an "intervention".
My brother and I were like "Are you serious?" when she started to say how I "forced my ex into be a single mother" and that "I have the moral obligation to help her". My dad only said that we maybe were being too cruel making jokes of her, but that I wasn't responsible for that kid. My mom then surprised all of us when she said "even if the kid is not yours, you are making more than enough money to support that child, you should had helped her".
Since then, i had been receiving texts, my dad and my brother are on my side, saying I'm not responsible for her, but my sister is telling me how horrible i am for being ruining their lifes. My mom only said "its your decision and I respect it, I'm just very disappointed that you ended up being so selfish". I'm aware that she doesn't deserve my money and I'm not planning to give her any, but the constant harassment of my sister trying to guilt me, its just exhausting.
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yptcr4/update_my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a/) *posted on November 8, 2022*
**UPDATE: My ex demmanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side.**
Its been a while.
After my last post, I read all the comments, and decided to show them to my mother.
We had a talk about the situation. Again, she started on my ex's side, but after reading the post and all the comments and opinions, she realized she was wrong. I think the thing that hurted her the most was all the doubts about if she cheat on my dad and I wasn't his son, and if that was the reason if she was on her side. We had a very long conversation. She told me that she believed my ex because "she was always so nice and kind with her, that she decided to don't believe me when I told her all the things she did to me during the relationship, because a good girl like her could never do something like that, so, I must be lying". After that, she apologize to me. We are good now.
On the other side, my sister... At first she decided that she wouldn't talk to my until "I'll take responsibility", but after some days I talked with her. She is totally on her side, even after showing her everything, she said that none of that matter, because "a woman's word go first, and that's all the proof anyone could need". Also, she said that "even if you are not the biological father, you have an effective responsibility with her, so, you must be man enough to take charge of them and start acting like a real man". She was a lost cause.
About my ex. I did some research, and I found out that, shortly after we broke she started dating another guy (or maybe she was cheating me with him before, I'm not sure). They broke some weeks later, and she had multiple dates until she found she was pregnant. I also found that she had been trying to "find a father to her kid" for the last 2 years, and I was the next on the list, but looks like she is desperate now, because she was never that aggressive with any other one before.
Now, the reason of this post.
Some days ago, my ex and my sister came to my workplace. They made a big sign with my face, that says "he abandoned his child" and "irresponsible father", and started a drama, saying all their bullshit. Their intention was to shame me and use the social presion to force me to take charge of them (they literally said it). To don't make the story too long, they were taken out of the place. I got problems for that scandal, even after showing all the proofs and legal documents that showed they were lying, I was earned that this better never happen again or I'll be fired.
After that I contacted my friend, the lawyer, and we are now redacting a very long a detailed paper against them (my ex and my sister too). They were too far, now I'm going against them with everything. Maybe that scare them enough to leave me alone
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/zw0d67/update_2_my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for/) *posted on December 26, 2022*
**UPDATE 2: My ex demmanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side.**
Hi everyone, and sorry for the lack of news, last weeks had been crazy with a lot of stuff, but I think now is a good moment to update you all.
First of all, I'm not allowed to talk a lot about the lawsuit, the most I can share to you, is that my ex was extremely freaked out when she knew about it. She is now begging to drop it, she offered to take back everything she said, to never bother or even contact me again, she even tried to guilt me saying that I would be ruining her and her son's life, but honestly I dont care, I got tired of be the good guy long time ago. She messed with me, now I'm figthing back.
And for my sister, the lawsuit at first only made her worst. As her attempt to shame me in my job didnt worked as good as she wanted, she moved it to social media, spreading her BS about me abandoning "my child" or "not taking responsability", and "exposing" my legal actions like acts of "censorship and mysoginy". But at the end, that will be worst for her, not only because I can dismiss her defamation easily, but also is more evidence to our favor.
Anyways, this is going to be a long road, and we are just begining.
Recently, we had a posada on my parents home. Every year we use this excuse to make a big family party before christmas. I had my doubts, because I didnt wanted to be near my sister, but after some relatives assured me that she wouldnt be there, I decided to go. Big mistake, she was there.
Mom decided that, despite everything that happened, I was taking all this to far, so she wanted all us to met to "solve this problem as a family". I tried to get out of there the moment I realized what she intended, but some relatives tried to stop me while my mom cried that I needed to stop, that I was tearing apart the family and needed to learn to forgive and let go. I realized that, despite everything, even knowing I was telling the truth, she was still on my sister's side. I got out there, saying her that I'm not atending any family event again if she is there, and to dont ever think on trying this BS again.
At this point, almost all my family knows what she did. Some of them think my sister is crazy, some other think she is crazy but I'm taking it too far.
A couple days ago, mom invited me to soend christmas with them. I didnt wanted to go after what she did, but I decided to give her a chance after she swear that wouldnt happen again. But not only she had planned to do it again, my brother warned me that this time she intended to lock me in until "I forgive my sister and stop the nonsense". I called my mom and told her I knew and that I was done with her and my sister. To dont talk to me until she realized she supported the wrong person, and to apologize. I dont need to say how many times she tried to call me the following hours, and all the drama she made when I didnt showed up for christmas, but, again, I'm tired of be the good guy.
So, thats it for the moment. Hope all you had a nice christmas and I wish you for a happy and drama-free new year
**Reminder - I am no the OP** | 9,320 | "2023-01-03T20:17:07" | My ex demmanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side. | NEW UPDATE | Shelly_895 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102i6fu/my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a_kid/ | false | false |
102kp42 |
I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/GretelNoHans in r/trueoffmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!asphyxiation, death!<
Mood Spoiler - >!hopeful!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/qk0sv5/when_i_was_24_we_were_celebrating_christmas_my/) (01 Nov 21)
**When I was 24, we were celebrating Christmas, my grandma stop breathing. I did CPR for around 15-20 minutes and when the paramedics arrived, one of them told me she choked on her vomit and it was my fault.**
My grandma was 83 and had many medical conditions but had seen a geriatrician a couple of days before. I was 24 and had received first aid training a couple of years ago in my University.
There was my grandma, my mom, my aunt, (her daughters) my sister, my uncle and 2 cousins in High School.
She said she wasn't feeling well and went to lie down. My aunt went to check on her like 3-5 minutes later and started screaming. We all ran to the bedroom and she wasn't breathing. My grandma was like 1.75 (5.7 feet) and very overweight, I was 1.65 and 54 kilos. I couldn't move her from her bed to the floor. Her bed was very hard. So I put her as straight as I could, remove pillows, started CPR and scream to call an ambulance.
I told my cousins to go outside and wave at the ambulance (it's not an easy place to find). My mom and aunt stayed with me and everyone else was out of the room.
I did CPR for 15-20 minutes and what they don't tell you is that it is EXHAUSTING. I felt she came back for a minute, kept going and I felt when she was gone. I don't know how to explain this.
Near the end I felt a sour air/taste and I knew something was wrong and I stopped. I was sobbing, my aunt had been watching and she kept going. Like 3 minutes later the paramedics arrived.
They put her on the ground but stopped CPR a little later. One of them asked why I didn't put her on the floor and that I caused a bronchial aspiration (english is not my first language so I'm not sure about this word). She said it right in front of my mom and aunt. I just left the room and went outside to weep. I loved my grandma and to this day I don't know if I killed her.
Edit. Guys I went in tears to sleep yestarday around 1am, happy tears. I was trying to keep up with the comments. I woke up to this, now I'm crying again and you guys are awesome. Specially, physicians, nurses, Emts, first reponders, paramedics and whoever I'm leaving out by mistake. This huge weight in my heart is gone and I can breath better.
I wanted to point out all my love to paramedics (and such you have so many acronyms I'm not familiar with). I have always know you're the best and I just got the bad apple.
I wish you all a happy day and I may not answer every comment but I will upvote every single one. ❤️❤️❤️
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zwox60/update_when_i_was_24_we_were_celebrating/) (28 Dec 22)
**Update: When I was 24, we were celebrating Christmas, my grandma stopped breathing. I did CPR for 15-20 minutes, when the paramedics arrived, one of them told me chocked on her vomit and it was my fault.**
I made this post a year ago, I'm trying to figure out how to make a link to the original one.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who answered. This was my first Christmas in 26 years without a heavy heart.
You all gave me the courage to talk to my mom and aunt about what happened. First, my mom didn't even know the paramedic said that. She said she was just in shock, she felt the whole thing took about an hour (not around 30 minutes) and she just felt helpless. She lived the experience in a totally different way that I did. She was incredible mad about what the paramedic said and sad/mad she was just so "out off it" she didn't defend me. She couldn't believe I've been carrying this feeling for so long and didn't talk about it earlier.
This was around june and it took longer to talk to my aunt. I finally did and she did remember what the paramedic said. However, just like my mom she was just in shock and worried about my nephews who were very little at the time.
She said, she never thought I was to blame and was really grateful for everything I did. And, she talked to my grandma's doctor about it. He came to sign the dead certificate and I do remember him saying I did a good job and he was proud of me.
What I didn't know is that my aunt talked to him about what happened and he was very angry about what the paramedic said. She assured my aunt that was not true and that doing CPR was the right call. He talked to me, hopping I would leave the paramedic comment behind.
So, again, thank you everyone. I hope I did this sooner. Still, I'm really happy all these has been talked and healed on my part.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | 10,744 | "2023-01-03T21:54:34" | When I was 24, we were celebrating Christmas, my grandma stop breathing. I did CPR for around 15-20 minutes and when the paramedics arrived, one of them told me she choked on her vomit and it was my fault. | CONCLUDED | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102kp42/when_i_was_24_we_were_celebrating_christmas_my/ | false | false |
102ullt | **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/VirtualRide3722](https://www.reddit.com/user/VirtualRide3722/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I fixed a few spelling and grammatical errors for clarity.
Your daily fun fact: u/mr_meowser06 requested centipedes. Centipedes don't actually have 100 legs- they have one pair of legs per body segment, and they always have an odd number of segments. (The older they are, the more segments they have, and thus the more legs they have.) They're also able to regrow their legs!
**Trigger Warnings:** >!False reporting of sexual harassment!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!Ultimately a good ending!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zq04e5/aitafor_reporting_my_best_friend_to_the_hr/)**: December 19, 2022**
I think I (26) just lost my best friend (27F) of 5 years over this. So me and my best friend Amy(fake name) have known each other since our college days, I loved her like my sister she's a huge part in my life. After graduation we got jobs in the same company, I was ecstatic as I really liked the idea of us being together even after college. So here is the incident. One of our coworker (27M) Steve likes Amy. He asked her out on a date. He was planning on quitting the company after 2 months as he got a better job opportunity abroad. Amy is currently single and is looking for relationship. The thing is that Amy started hating Steve as he got the job abroad to which she had also applied. When Steve asked her out Amy declined it in a friendly way and told him to not bring that up later. It was going all good until one of my other coworker told me that Steve had been fired from our company and his job abroad is also at stake as somebody reported him work harassment.
I was shocked and confused he was a good guy, like genuinely he was a good guy even Amy talked good about him. Later that evening Amy told that it was her who reported him to the HR for harassment. I asked her what happened, apparently he told her that he still likes her. I asked her if he had misbehaved with her. She fucking laughed at my face when I was concerned about her. She then proceeded to tell me that she just didn't like the guy. She hated that he got the job. So when Steve talked to her she saw it as a chance to lose his new job as she was the next in line to get that job. She then told me that she felt sorry for him as she thought that Steve would only lose his new job not the one that he have in our company. I got furious and shouted at her that I will inform this to the company and went home. I don't know what to do. If I report her to the HR then Amy's career will be over but at the same time I want to help Steve. I just can't look at Amy the same way. Amy's family has been texting and calling me the AH. They are furious at me as I said I'll report it to the HR. I am feeling betrayed by her, I don't know what made her do this AITA for wanting to report against Amy?
EDIT: I went to work today and learned that he was NOT FIRED but was SUSPENDED until the HR investigation is done and they are withdrawing the recommendation the company made for his new job until the investigation is done which will result in him losing the new job. I'm going to talk to Amy and "apologize" to her so that I can hear the entire story about what she told to the HR.
***OOP is voted NTA, and people encourage her to tell HR***
**Update (Same Post): December 24, 2022**
UPDATE: A lot of this happened after this post. I read all the comments and thank you for all of your opinion, i decided to do what I felt was essential. I gathered screenshot of the messages Amy and her family had sent me over the past days. Those screenshots were more than enough proof of Amy's intentions. I messaged Steve and asked him what exactly was the situation between him and Amy. He was hesitant to talk to me because he knew Amy and I were close. After talking to Steve we both realized how fucked up things Amy did and apparently Amy was fucking bad mouthing about ME around the office!!! Her best friend!!!
So Steve told me that Amy was the one initiated the conversation about his interest towards her the second time. She asked him if he had interest in her and he agreed. I guess she was scheming it already??? I don't know why she would go as far as this. Then she told the HR that Steve harassed her to sleep with him. Amy provided screenshot of the message Steve had sent her when he first asked her out as evidence to the HR.
Now coming to my problem. I don't think Amy was really my friend I was just something she wanted as a support system nothing more. Amy told me that the job to which she and Steve had applied to was only for our company selected candidates but no, it was not. It was an open position which she knew about from Steve fucking Steve. She never told me about all these things. She purposely hided these things from me. I didn't confront her because I'm crushed now. I'll definitely confront her though. I'll update about that If get the chance
The HR gave Steve his recommendation letter back and assured that his new job will not be affected. Amy is suspended for false accusation and for harassing and threatening me via texts. Steve is still suspended as the HR discovered that he asked his coworker out, well Steve was gonna quit the company this week . He will be joining his new company next month good for him and guess I just got a new friend. | 7,441 | "2023-01-04T05:04:43" | AITA for reporting my best friend to the HR because she got our coworker fired for harassment? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102ullt/aita_for_reporting_my_best_friend_to_the_hr/ | false | false |
102umh8 | **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/ConcentrateUnique739](https://www.reddit.com/user/ConcentrateUnique739/). She posted in [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/), in r/TwoHotTakes and on her own page. I posted a BORU of her posts 12 days ago. I have linked it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ztmpy5/aita_for_wanting_to_bring_my_boyfriend_to_my/).
**The new update is marked with stars!**
Your daily fun fact: u/onmyknees4anyone requested tapirs and gave me the fun fact! Tapirs have fourteen toes -- four on each front foot and three on each rear foot -- and each toe is clad in a soft hoof. In total, tapirs have fourteen toes!
**Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly probably the best ending possible, but not super dramatic lol!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zjaq4x/aita_for_wanting_to_bring_my_boyfriend_to_my/)**: December 11, 2022**
hi! I had a previously great experience asking for Reddit’s help so i thought I’d come back for more advice on a new situation in my life.
I (f23) have been dating my current bf (m28) for 4 months and I am totally smitten. He is the sweetest, smartest, kindest, most caring guy i’ve ever met and I feel so lucky to have found him.
We met at the start of the new semester at our university. He’s a graduate student and was running a tutoring group I joined (i’m a senior getting my bachelors.) We hit it off immediately and found that we had a ton in common - including the same hometown. We even went to the same high school - although we never met previously. He graduated the year before I started my freshman year, but he was in the same grade as my sister. I asked if he knew her and he said yes they ran in the same circles but they hadn’t kept in touch since graduation.
We spent the last four months growing super close and we were talking about maybe bringing each other to our family holiday celebrations. We didn’t get to do thanksgiving but we decided to do Christmas together and i was so excited.
I hadn’t told my parents or sister I was seeing anyone so I decided to call and let them know and also to make sure it wasn’t an issue if he came to our Christmas celebration this year. My mom was super excited for me when I told her all about bf and my dad said he sounded like a nice young man and he would be glad to meet him. I then called my sister and told her the news and even joked that it would be like a high school reunion for her. She was initially excited to meet a new bf but when I told her who it was her mood changed dramatically.
She told me she would not be comfortable having a stranger at her family’s Christmas and that she was sorry but he couldn’t come. I was a bit shocked and asked her to explain because she is very outgoing and never had a problem with strangers before (this isn’t the first bf one of us has brought home for the holidays).
I asked if she had not liked him in high school or something and that’s why she didn’t want him to come. She said no and she barely even remembered him. I asked if she would feel better meeting him before Christmas so it’s not overwhelming on the actual holiday. She got really firm and told me that she didn’t want to meet him before, during, or after Christmas and to drop it. She then hung up on me.
She texted me a little later that it was rude of me to keep trying to force her to meet someone she doesn’t want to and she hopes I won’t bring it up again.
This makes no sense as my sister is not usually like this. I asked my mom about it but she is just as confused as I am and said she would talk to her for me.
I obviously won’t bring my bf if it makes my sister uncomfortable- I just wish she would give me a good reason. Especially since she basically said she NEVER wants to meet him. I’m just so confused.
AITA?
**Edit (December 12, 2022)**
I talked to my boyfriend last night and he also seemed confused. i asked him to please be honest with me and to let me know if anything went on between them beyond just running in the same circles. He told me no and they had only ever hung out in groups. she was really more a friend of a friend and he had a long term gf he was committed to throughout high school so he didn’t even hook up with her. She also never bullied him and, from his perspective, he never bullied her. He said they were always friendly/civil and never so much as got in an argument. He doesn’t know what her issue with him is. there’s obviously more to this story from my sisters side so I have to try to speak to her again. Probably in a few days when I go home for the Holidays.
***Relevant Comments:***
*Have boyfriends been invited before?*
"I could maybe understand more if this was the first time we brought a boy to our family holiday but it’s not. I’ve brought one before and she’s brought 4 different guys and will be bringing her boyfriend this year."
*Someone suggests the boyfriend could have been a bully:*
"I really hope this isn’t the case. My sister never mentioned anything about being bullied in high school, but to be fair we weren’t very close back then because I was in elementary/middle school and she thought i was annoying lol.
If it turned out he bullied her I would not continue dating him. I can’t imagine him as a bully he’s very kind mannered, but I do understand people aren’t always what they seem. My sister would need to express this to me tho."
*Someone suggests bullying or a crush:*
"I’m really hoping it’s something small - I wouldn’t tolerate a bullying situation or something serious and traumatic. However i can’t see how she would flip out over something insignificant as a crush and I’m so scared to find out what the issue is."
*A bit more information about the whole thing:*
"I more asked my parents my permission and was simply letting my sister to know to be polite but she told me no anyways. It’s pretty clear she has an issue with him specially but she refuses to tell me. I’m going to speak with him tonight when he comes to my apartment.
I did speak with my mom but she’s just as confused as me.
I’m gonna give her some space but I will try to talk to her again. Probably in person when I come home for winter break this week. I probably won’t bring my boyfriend if she continues to react negatively - i’m not trying to ruin the holiday for everyone including my bf. I will go with him to his family’s celebration."
***OOP is declared NTA, but told she should figure out if something bad happened***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/zni42w/update_aita_for_wanting_to_bring_my_boyfriend_to/)**: December 16, 2022**
Hi all! I hope this is okay if I post this here. AITA mods denied my update and i had quite a few PM’s asking me to update here if that happened.
I will preface that the situation isn’t totally resolved but people have been asking for more information so I wanted to let you all know what I now know.
On to the update:
I got home on Wednesday, went to dinner with my sister, and she was acting as if nothing had happened. Finally I just brought it up, and she immediately got upset with me. She told me to just leave it alone. I told her that I have very strong feelings for this man and if she has an issue with him I would like to know what it is so I can make an informed decision about my relationship. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who had hurt my sister or was a bad person.
She told me he never hurt her, he didn’t bully her, and she simply didn’t want a strange man at her family’s Christmas. This just pissed me off and I pointed out she is bringing her boyfriend of 7 months. she said it’s different bc i already met her bf. I told her technically she’s already met mine and I offered for them to re-meet before and she shut me down. The conversation really didn’t go anywhere productive and we both left mad.
That night I ended up messaging my sisters childhood best friend to see if she knew anything about my boyfriend. I played it as “did you know my bf in high school?” rather than “wtf is my sisters problem?!” She confirmed his name and then asked if my sister knew yet. A red flag went up and I said yes and she doesn’t seem happy. She then asked to call me.
A lot of you were right and it turns out my sister was “obsessed” with my bf from 7th grade all the way until they graduated and went to college in different states. I asked her if there was more to it than that because I can’t believe my grown sister would act this way over a little crush & she told me it wasn’t a little crush - she was legit in love with him. Since she said “in love” I asked if my boyfriend knew or if anything had happened between them and she said as far as she knew he didn’t know and they for sure had never hooked up, to my sisters extreme displeasure.
She pined for him for years and was devastated when he started dating one of their other friends freshman year. She would show up to his work with other guys, only go to parties if she knew he was going, hooked up with his best friend to try and make him jealous, and once even tried to break up him and his girlfriend. When my bf and his then gf did eventually breakup senior year my sister thought it was her big moment but he never even gave her a second glance.
Apparently she’s held a small torch for him all these years still and her friend says she thinks she would still want to be with him if he would have her and she’s probably just jealous.
I am sort of relieved. Some of the comments on my OG post had me extra scared for what I was gonna find, but now I’m also pissed off. She’s really going to ice my boyfriend out of our family events over a high school crush that she never even told him about?
I do feel for her, it sucks when you really like someone and they don’t like you back, but I’m upset she wouldn’t just tell me and made it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
I’m going to try to talk to her one more time and let her know I know about her crush and hopefully we can deal with this like adults.
Thank you everyone for all of your comments and support!
***Relevant Comment:***
"I’m definitely going to speak with him too and let him know what the actual issue has been. I agree it wasn’t love - I don’t believe you can be in love with someone without being actually close with them. It was a high intensity infatuation and she may have fallen in love with the idea of my bf she created inside her mind. I’m sure if she can just get past this initial issue she’s having she’ll find it’s time to let go."
*If mom knows:*
"I appreciate the concern! I have spoken to my mom and let her know what I was told. She’s going to be going Christmas shopping with my sister sometime this weekend so she said she could bring it up to her then as well if i wanted her to. I haven’t decided if I should talk to sister first or let mom do it but either way my parents know the truth and think sister is being overdramatic."
*About her sister trying to break up his previous relationship:*
"It wasn’t anything super crazy from what i was told. just tried to plant some doubt in her friends head about her relationship with bf. She supposedly didn’t make anything up but was just extra hard on him when talking to his then gf in hopes she would end up wanting to leave him. Still wrong obviously but nothing like actually dangerous or anything."
*Assuaging peoples' fears about stalking:*
"I don’t think it’s at the level stalker I think she fell in love with the idea of a boy she didn’t really know that well and just got infatuated. She hasn’t tried to contact him and hasn’t done anything to try and run into him since they started college so I’m thinking she’s just running off that habit of jealousy she started back in high school."
*Someone suggests it could be the sister is embarrassed:*
"That’s true i hadn’t thought about that angle. I’ve just been so annoyed that she would be so stubborn about this and not even give me the reason. We all did embarrassing things as a teenager so neither I or my boyfriend would be in a place to judge her on those past behaviors. It’s not like she hurt someone with her crush. She does need to act like an adult now tho. I’ll try to be patient in our next conversation and let her know it’s not to be embarrassed over."
*About her and her sister's relationship:*
"I’m a huge advocate for therapy so I agree and may have my mom suggest it to her (I don’t think she would like to hear it suggested from me).
My sister and I aren’t SUPER close. We get along and meet up when I come back to town but we’re not the best of friends in general. I’m hoping we can maintain a loving and civil relationship because I just don’t think her having a crush on my bf over 10 years ago should be something that comes between family but that will be up to her. I’ll respect her decision so long as she is respectful in return."
**\*\*\*\* New** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/zxsgvu/final_update_sister_doesnt_want_me_to_bring_my_bf/)**: December 28, 2022\*\*\*\***
hi all! sorry for the wait - with the holidays i totally forgot about reddit. when i finally logged in this morning i saw tons of messages and notifications asking for an update so I’m here to do just that. I hope it’s okay to post here again - if not feel free to delete and I will post on my profile!
Update: My mom did end up bringing up the matter of my sisters crush when they went gift shopping a week before Christmas. I wasn’t there but my mom told me she seemed ashamed and embarrassed when she realized we all knew about it. My sister told her it wasn’t that big of a deal and tried to say that wasn’t why she didn’t want my boyfriend to come. My mom pushed her and said to give her a real reason or she would be inviting my boyfriend to all future family functions i attended and she didn’t want to hear another word about it. She said my sister got sort of upset but finally did admit she just felt weird that the guy she liked so much never noticed her but noticed her little sister and she just felt “icky” about the whole situation. She didn’t want to be around him as it would make her feel like that desperate insecure teenager all over again and she was super embarrassed by her teenage self. My mom told her that was valid but she doesn’t get to dictate who I date and bring around based on a high school crush. She suggested my sister speak to me and try to come to an understanding.
My mom called to tell me this after she got home and I kind of expected sister to call me that evening but she didn’t. I was going to wait to speak with my bf until after I had this conversation with my sister but I ended up hanging out with him that night and just told him everything I had learned. He apologized for anything he had done to play a part it in and I told him he had nothing to be sorry for from my understanding of the situation and I would understand if he no longer wanted to be with me if he was now uncomfortable. He told me i was absolutely batshit crazy for thinking he would leave me over something like this. I showed him both reddit posts and we laughed over some of the crazy far fetched comments and he reminded me to take reddit opinions with a grain of salt next time i seek internet counsel.
My sister did end up calling me the next day and asked to come over to speak with me. When she got to my parents house she looked very sheepish and immediately apologized for acting crazy and shutting down me bringing my boyfriend without talking to me to first. I thanked her for apologizing and asked her to explain her reasoning in her own words. She basically told me the same thing she told my mom about being embarrassed and uncomfortable. I asked if she still had feelings for my boyfriend and she chuckled and said no- that ship has long sailed and she really truly is happy in her current relationship (her bf also knows everything about this situation as she confided in him) She just doesn’t want to face my bf knowing how intense her feelings were and she feels there is no way he couldn’t have noticed. I assured her he said he has no bad memories of her and is interested in getting to know her as my sister with a clean slate. My sister said she would try to move past her discomfort and was looking forward to seeing us both at Christmas.
So with that my bf did end up coming to Christmas and it was great. My sister gave him a bit of an awkward greeting and they didn’t interact a ton but we all played games together and my parents loved him. My Bf was super nice to sister and he said he didn’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest. It was honestly so lovely and i feel like the awkwardness my sister is feeling will fade with time. She texted me after her and her bf left that we made a great couple and she was again sorry for almost ruining my Christmas. I told her I forgive and love her always.
Thank you all again for all of your comments, advice, suggestions, and support. I really do love reddit sometimes! | 8,009 | "2023-01-04T05:05:50" | Final update to "AITA For Wanting to Bring My Boyfriend to my family’s Christmas Celebration?" | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102umh8/final_update_to_aita_for_wanting_to_bring_my/ | false | false |
102xuas | Originally posted by u/throwaway3733339 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Dec 7, '22, updated Dec 27, '22
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zfn9j8/my_girlfriend_just_gave_birth_to_our_first_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. I know I’m not the biological father and I revealed I knew as soon as she gave birth.
I’ll try to keep this short because I’m planning to go to a bar soon.
I found out when she was about 6 months along. The guy (Bryan) approached me at my work. “Are you Sarah’s boyfriend?”. I said yeah and ask what he wanted. He said he was sorry that he had slept with her and swore he didn’t know that she was with someone (I don’t believe that).
He then pulled out his phone to show the texts between them. They had been sleeping together or “linking up” for at least a year. Then she found out she was pregnant and they came to an agreement to just pretend the baby was mine. In return, she wouldn’t lose her perfect life and he wouldn’t be responsible for a baby.
I knew it was weird. We had been having problems trying for a baby and all of a sudden she got pregnant so easily. But he explained that he had been thinking about it and he recently became a Christian. He said that he couldn’t live his life knowing that I was living a lie while his child didn’t know their real father.
So yeah. I told him I’d keep in touch, and to not say that he said anything just yet. I’ve had a lot of time to think but ultimately I decided to wait until she gave birth. To hurt her in her most vulnerable moment.
I’ll spare the details, but she went into labor, baby was born, and was taken to the NICU to be monitored for a bit. What should’ve been a beautiful moment of me holding my baby, was the most heartbreaking time of my life. Just knowing he was not mine hurt me. Once she was sewn up and comfortable I started packing up my stuff to leave. She asked where I was going and I just told her.
“I know I’m not *baby’s name*’s father. You can act all shocked but I know. Just ask Bryan to come, I’m positive he’ll sign the birth certificate”. Then I left. She’s been calling my phone over and over (even sending texts as I type this) and has even gotten her sister to call me a few times.
It was hard pretending these last few months but I think I’m satisfied. I feel really really heartbroken though. I was planning to propose to her on the day our baby was born. I was gonna make her the happiest woman ever. Oh well. Im going to go get shitfaced now.
Small update: Head hurts, but I’m home and safe. I wasn’t really expecting this to gain as much traction as it did but I’ll clear up a few things
Bryan is going to be in the baby’s life if it’s his. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m sure the kid isn’t mine. I’ll go get tested but me and Bryan have been in contact since last night and there isn’t a doubt it my mind. For those of you calling me a psychopath or whatever, I don’t really care. You’ll all forget about this post in a day anyway, while I’ll have to live with this shit for the rest of my life. What I did wasn’t amazing but I don’t care. All I ever did was treat her amazing and this is how she pays me back. If you think this is fake, go read something else. Doesn’t matter to me.
Edit 2: There is a full update now.
[Update 3 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zwtdhp/update_my_girlfriend_just_gave_birth_to_our_first/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Hi everyone. I just wanted to start by saying I would’ve updated sooner but it’s takes a bit to get test results back. I’ve also been working on myself in the time being. Thanks for all the support.
I’ll cut to the chase. I am not the father. But I already knew that already deep down. Bryan and the baby are a match so that pretty much answers that question. He’s very excited to be a dad, even despite the circumstances. We’ve kept in touch this whole time and he’s actually a really great guy. Goes to church now, volunteers at shelters, etc. I’m not sure if we’ll continue to stay in touch after this but I wouldn’t mind getting a drink with him every once in awhile. I hope the kid does great in life. He should with Bryan as his dad.
As for Sarah, around the time I posted she had asked Bryan to be with her officially since there was nothing to hide. As far as I know he has not taken her up on that offer and just wants to coparent for the sake of being in his kids life. I think that’s very smart of him honestly. Me and her have talked as well. We talked about where it all went wrong. She felt as though I wasn’t there for her fully and just felt unfulfilled. Which I understand. I wasn’t always the best guy but I treated her the best I could. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. She started crying and I did give her a hug but I made sure she knew it wasn’t cause I cared about her.
She’s offered to stay friends and for me to visit if I want but I declined. I’m not really interested in keeping up with her and her kid but I did give her the stuffed animal I was planning to give “our” kid someday as a gift. She’s been staying with her mom, and has fully moved out her stuff. She asked me to keep her number but I blocked her the same day she finished moving out.
So it’s just me now. I’m not gonna lie, my heart has been super heavy. But I think I’ll be okay. There’s a cute girl at my work and we’ve been talking. She’s a single mom and has been awesome so far. I explained that I wanted to go slow cause of my recent breakup and she understands. We’ve hooked up once or twice, nothing serious yet. I just wanna be by myself for now but I’ll likely give her a shot when I’m ready.
That’s it for now. I’m depressed, but I’m working out now at least. I never want to talk to Sarah and will likely never see her again. It sucks cause she was such a big part of my life but that’s gone now. Thanks for all the support. I’ll answer questions if you guys have more.
Edit: Just wanted to mention that I still don’t feel bad about what I did. I can tell she’s still hurting, but I definitely think it’s deserved still. | 8,783 | "2023-01-04T08:04:19" | Man's Girlfriend Just Gave Birth But He's Not The Father (TOMC Dec 27, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102xuas/mans_girlfriend_just_gave_birth_but_hes_not_the/ | false | false |
102zuii | Originally posted by u/throw70186away in r/TrueOffMyChest on Dec 6, '22, updated Dec 12th and Dec 27th. This is long.
TW Warning: Did you know that male cats have *barbed* penises?! There is some more to this interesting fact but it's a bit more graphic so I will put it in a comment and you can find it on my profile if you are interested*
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Trigger Warning: >!Mentions of OCD, Pedophilia, Child Abuse!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zel9y7/my_brother_has_pocd_now_that_im_pregnant_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
My brother has POCD. Now that I’m pregnant, my husband is forcing me to cut contact with him.
My brother is one of the kindest and gentlest people I know. When we were kids, he was always the advice giver and peacemaker. Sometimes I was jealous of him, because even though he was younger than me, he seemed to keep things together effortlessly. That’s why my entire family was shocked when he tried to kill himself. We had no idea how much he was suffering, and I still hate myself to this day for not seeing it.
Our parents forced him into therapy after that, and he was subsequently diagnosed with OCD. The type of OCD he has is informally known as POCD. To greatly simplify, it's a form of harm OCD involving children. Harm OCD is when a person is terrified that their intrusive thoughts mean they are going to hurt someone. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, but people with OCD believe that their intrusive thoughts make them bad people. People with POCD think that their intrusive thoughts mean they are predators towards children.
Over the years, my brother has told multiple therapists about his intrusive thoughts, and they have all agreed he is not a predator. I don’t think they would risk their licenses by saying he wasn’t a predator, if there was even a small risk that he was. They’re mandated reporters, for God’s sake.
It’s not like I’m planning on leaving my brother alone with our baby. He wouldn’t even agree to that! Real predators don’t avoid children, and they certainly don’t agonize in fear that they may hurt a child.
I’ve tried telling my husband everything I’ve written here, but he won’t budge. He says that if there is any chance those therapists were wrong, then we can’t risk our baby around my brother. He is threatening to leave me if I keep my brother in my life.
I understand why my husband is doing this. He was a victim of a predator when he was a child, and I know he's just trying to protect our baby. Which is why I’m going to give in. I can’t lose the love of my life when I know he's just trying to be a good dad. I convinced him I needed to wait until after New Year's to do it.
I’m terrified of what this is going to do to my brother. He's going to ask why I suddenly stopped talking to him, and if I tell him, it might just push him over the edge. If my brother hurt himself over this, I could never forgive myself. Not to mention that my parents and sisters are going to ask why we suddenly stopped going to family functions. They are going to hate my husband if I tell them the truth.
My life is about to explode, and I can’t even tell the people close to me about it. I can’t tell my parents and sisters about this for obvious reasons. If I try to tell my friends about this, they might think my brother is an actual predator.
A part of me wishes I never told my husband about my brother's OCD. Before I got pregnant, I confided in him that I was worried about my brother’s future happiness. My brother had told me he wanted to get married and have kids, but he didn’t think he would be able to. My husband asked me why my brother felt that way. I didn’t want to lie to him, so I stupidly told him the truth.
I’m sorry that this post is a rambling mess. I just can’t hold it all in anymore.
*OP had posted to r/legaladvice asking if her brothers diagnosis could be used against her in a custody battle. That post was removed by mods and could not be recovered, but here are a few comments from the LA post and the TOMC post:*
>There's no need to cut off your brother due to pOCD. They really need to change the name of that condition. The people who have it aren't pedophiles--they live with crippling and unfounded fear that they are pedophiles and typically avoid kids as a result.
>Custody defaults to 50/50. Your husband would have to prove that your brother provides a clear danger to your child--which a pOCD diagnosis does not mean. He could raise the claim, but you could easily refute it.
>There is no legal need to cut off your brother, and refusing to do so would not affect custody. Your brother is not a pedophile. He suffers from compulsive fear of pedophilia.
>On a non-legal note, I think you should tell your husband that unless he seeks therapy, you will not allow him around your child unsupervised. This kind of unprocessed trauma around child sexual abuse can lead to very bad parenting decisions that will seriously affect your child. [Here](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0145213404000808?via%3Dihub) is an article.)
>I am currently studying to be a clinical psychologist and thought I would go into more detail about what POCD is for those who don’t know.
>I’m going to explain this as simply as possible: POCD is a type of OCD in which an individual is afraid of becoming a pedophile, and often has intrusive thoughts about it. This does NOT mean that a person is ACTUALLY attracted to children, they just have a terrible fear about becoming attracted to children or harming a child.
>Here is a wonderful [article](https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/am-i-a-monster-an-overview-of-common-features-typical-course-shame-and-treatment-of-pedophilia-ocd-pocd/) to review for more examples and information.
>Also a psychologist, and also someone who has OCD - this is 100% accurate.
>OCD intrusive thoughts are egodystonic, meaning that these thoughts are against what an OCD sufferer truly believes in. There’s a saying that OCD attacks what you value (or hate) most, and it’s so very true.
>It’s almost a certainty that a person with POCD is so repulsed and disgusted by pedophilia, that (metaphorically) the OCD latches onto this, knowing exactly where to hit to cause the most suffering (and in contrast, someone who is an actual pedophile does not worry about harming children). In fact, I’d argue that people with POCD, just like OP’s brother, are quite literally the safest people to be around your baby, as the thought of ever harming a child causes them relentless and clinically severe agony.
>I truly think that OCD is one of the most commonly misunderstood disorders; posts like this really speak to that. So, if anyone wants to learn more about POCD (or the other types of ‘pure’ OCD), I really recommend [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9yKaI0vLJs&feature=youtu.be) video.
[1st Update ](https://www.reddit.com/user/throw70186AWAY/comments/zk2pap/update_my_brother_has_pocd_now_that_im_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
*Note: OP also added this update into her original post so it is in both places.*
The comments on my last post were a wake up call for me. They made me realize what my husband’s behavior looks like from an outsider's perspective, and I was disgusted by what I saw. I decided to have a conversation with him about my change of heart.
First off, I’m not cutting my brother off. Second, he must talk with a psychologist who understands POCD. If he still doesn’t feel comfortable with my brother, we won’t go to family events where he is attending. I told him that if he didn’t agree to those terms, I would pack his bags for him.
My husband had a panic attack after I told him this. He threatened to leave me again and said he would get full custody. This time around, I was prepared. I told him I had solid evidence to prove my brother wasn’t a predator. Even if the judge isn’t receptive at first, multiple psychologists explaining POCD would sway them. I also reminded him I have complete control over his involvement in my pregnancy. There’s nothing stopping me from moving out of state to my parents.
He stormed out after that. I was worried sick, because he didn’t come back until the following morning. We had an argument about him not answering his phone, but when we both calmed down, he begrudgingly agreed to my terms.
My husband isn’t the type of man to break his word, but this whole fiasco has shown me I have to be prepared. I’ve scheduled a consultation with a family attorney. I want to believe that my husband wouldn’t go down that path. I want to trust him, but I can’t live my life with the threat of losing my child hanging over my head.
He's not a bad man, and I know all of his demands have pure intentions behind it. That being said, I can’t allow him to use his trauma as an excuse to become a cruel, controlling person.
The other night, I asked him if he had ever gone to therapy about what happened to him. He said no, because talking about it made him feel like he was reliving it. I think therapy would do him good, but I have to respect that he knows what is best for himself.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m no longer scared to face it. Thank you to everyone who commented. I was doubting myself, but seeing the testimonies of so many people with OCD helped me regain my confidence.
[2nd Update Dec 27th](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/zwvpx6/my_husband_29m_ruined_christmas_and_my_brother25m/)
I have been married to my husband for four years.
My brother has an anxiety disorder called POCD. It’s a form of harm OCD, which is an anxiety disorder. My brother isn’t a predator. He has an unfounded and irrational fear of being one. People with POCD are no more likely to offend than people without this condition.
I have tried explaining this to my husband, multiple times. He refused to listen and threatened to leave me unless I cut contact with my brother. I gave him an ultimatum in return. I told him we won’t go to my family functions after our baby is born, as long as he talks to a psychologist who understands POCD. He agreed, but it’s clear to me now that he didn’t mean it.
We went to my parents' house for Christmas dinner. My husband seemed upset, but I thought it was because of traveling all weekend. Dinner was going well until my husband asked my uncle why he brought his kids with him. My uncle was confused and asked my husband what he meant by that. My husband then said that he wouldn’t allow his children in the same room as a child predator. He used a more graphic term, but I’m not willing to type it.
Everything was chaotic after that. My uncle kept asking who the predator was, while my parents and sisters were yelling at my husband. My husband yelled at them back. My brother left the table, and I followed him to his car. He asked me why my husband thought he was a predator. I admitted to telling my husband about his POCD.
My brother yelled at me for telling. He said I might have ruined his life. I apologized and tried to explain why I did it. He left without hearing me out.
All my worst fears have come true. My parents and my sisters hate my husband, while my husband hates them back. My brother won’t talk to me. My mother is trying to explain my brother’s condition to my uncle, but we don’t know if he’ll come around on this. If he doesn’t, I might have ruined my brother's life.
My husband got everything he wanted, and I’m starting to hate him for it. He isn’t even sorry. I can’t stand to even look at him right now, and I told him he is banned from any appointments with my OBGYN. I also told him he won’t be in the room when I give birth. He thinks I’m punishing him for the sake of a predator.
It feels like leaving is my only option. My parents and sisters want me to. Even I want to at this point, but I don’t have the heart too. My husband isn’t a bad man. I know he is reacting this way because of his past trauma. I don’t know how to help him, because he won’t go to a therapist to address it. How can I fix all this?
TL;DR: My husband doesn’t understand my brother’s mental illness. He ruined Christmas, and now my family hates him. I’m starting to hate him too. | 8,371 | "2023-01-04T10:07:53" | OP's Husband Insists They Remove Her Brother From Their Life Be They're Pregnant & Bro Has POCD (TOMC Dec 27, '22) | ONGOING | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/102zuii/ops_husband_insists_they_remove_her_brother_from/ | false | false |
10380sq | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/ThrowRAAggravating in r/relationship_advice.
Trigger Warning - >!emotional abuse, OOP's mum drowned his dog when he was a child!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zxndw8/30m27f_i_called_my_wife_manipulative_and_now_shes/) (29 Dec 22)
**[30M][27F] I called my wife manipulative and now she's emotionally distant.**
I (M30) got into an argument with my wife (F27) a couple months ago and ended up saying some really hurtful things that she can't forgive me for.
Essentially, we never fight. We have disagreements that are quickly resolved but have only had one real fight in the decade we've been together. My wife is incredibly emotional. Sad ad? Tears. Reading a book? Tears. Telling even a remotely sad story? Tears. She feels things very deeply and responds sometimes inappropriately with the amount of emotion she reacts with. I've tried to not have a problem with this as I know that's just her nature, but it can be overwhelming sometimes and embarrassing others.
About three months ago we happened to get into a huge fight, she was telling a story to some friends and embellishing quite a bit, so I just said, "Hey I think you're lying a bit here, that didn't really happen like that." I wasn't trying to take away from the story, but I hate liars and she does it a fair bit when storytelling. She told me that she just does it for comedic effect and that everyone knows she doesn't tell stories 100% accurately. It was still bothering me however after everyone went home and I brought it up again to which she told me that we'd already talked about it, and she didn't need me to correct her in front of her friends. I'll spare the rest, but we essentially got into a fight, and I raised my voice. She immediately started crying, more like sobbing, and I told her that she was being manipulative doing that. Every time I bring up something she takes as a critique she begins crying and it's a manipulative way to get me to stop talking about whatever's bothering me. My mom did the same thing to my dad, and I hate when women do that.
She asked me through shuttered breathing if I really thought that and I said yes. I told her that she manipulates the argument into going her way by crying and being the victim. She told me she couldn't even look at me and locked herself into our room to 'calm down'. She came out a few hours later and told me that she was sorry if I thought she was being manipulative and that it wouldn't happen again. Problem solved right? Except it's not at all.
I didn't notice it immediately, but she's started pulling away from me. She won't watch movies with me if there's any sad parts, she doesn't tell me the stories she used to, she won't tell stories to friends when I'm around and now our friends don't want me to go out when they do because they say she's not fun when I'm there. She stopped reading books in the living room, stopped watching unpredictable tv shows, she won't even talk to her mom on the phone when I'm in the room. I feel like I'm living with a ghost now. It wasn't until yesterday that I even realized I haven't seen her cry since our fight.
I brought it up last night and she told me that she didn't want to manipulate me anymore. I told her that her everyday crying wasn't manipulative, and she said, "So it's only manipulative when you're mad at me" And now I don't know what to do. I apologized, said I was wrong for saying that to begin with and that I shouldn't have but it didn't help. I asked if she wanted to watch the Notebook with me since it's her favorite movie and she told me she doesn't like it anymore. So, what do I do? Can I do anything? Advice from married men and women please?
TL;DR - I called my wife manipulative for crying during an argument and now she's emotionally distant from me and won't accept my apology.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAAggravating/comments/zxsb5z/something_to_add_to_my_relationshipadvice_post/) (Same day)
**Something to add to my RelationshipAdvice post**
I doubt many people will read this as it's a part of my personal profile. I've read and considered the comments under my thread and appreciate them. I've scheduled with an online therapist for tomorrow and I'm currently waiting for my wife to come home. I'm not sure how she's going to react to what I have to say but I'm hoping she will give me a chance to make this right. I know it isn't something that can be fixed in a day or with a simple apology, but I'm willing to try anything at this point.
I've researched marriage counselors in our area but want to see how she feels before going forward with it. I also called my parents and let them know we would be going NC with them for a while while I try to fix my mistakes at home. I'm not so sure they will want to talk with me even if I fix it as they were furious that I will be excluding them from this part of my life. But going off of the thread I know that that's a boundary I need to make to be able to focus my energy where it's needed and disregard opinions that could only prove to further divide us.
I know many people have hoped she will leave me and if that's the avenue she wants to proceed with I won't hold her back from a happy future with someone who doesn't diminish her feelings and make her feel like less than she is.
​
Update:
I talked to my wife last night. There was so much to say, and I've never been good about sharing my feelings, so it started off painfully awkward. I started with apologizing, not what I did before by just saying sorry but a full, "I attacked your character and assumed the worst of you when given no prior reasoning to do so. I've damaged and hurt you in a way that I will never forgive myself for and I would understand if you couldn't either." There was more but I'll save you guys from every detail. She was mostly shocked when I started and didn't say anything, but she did reach out for me in the first time since I messed up.
She looked like she was trying so hard not to cry, and I let her know that her crying has never been the problem in our relationship, that my unwillingness to accept people and see the worst was. It resulted in tears and in that moment, I realized how much I missed her being her. I told her about how I was starting therapy and that I would like to do marriage counseling someday to do what I can to mend the damages I've caused between us but that I would need to go by myself for a while to get to the base reasons of why I react so harshly to things.
Some of the comments suggest I write a letter to her and so while I waited for her to get home, I did that. I wrote about how much I loved her, all of the things about her that made me happy, all the quirks and mannerisms that were undoubtably her. And then I told her I went NC with my parents.
I've never seen her light up so fast. She asked me if I was being serious, and I told her that to be able to focus on her I couldn't have them whispering in my ear anymore. She hugged me and cried for the better part of an hour saying that they're one of the worst parts of being married to me. She said she can't forgive easily but that she wants to work on us together. She wants us to move away from my family and were discussing options that could make that possible.
I am not a good person in general. No one has ever described me as warm or caring except my wife. And I almost lost her being manipulative myself and selfish. I can't put into words how much I appreciate every comment no matter the content, it made me realize just how much I fucked up. I don't deserve her but she's willing to give me a second chance at this and I'm going to be different. I don't think it'll be quick or easy, but I would do anything for her. I don't know if I'll ever update after this, I have a lot of growing up and groveling ahead of me. It's not the update a lot of you wanted but thank you for your help.
**Comment from OOP explaining why he went no contact with his parents**
>I appreciate your comment. My family definitely has a lot of problems, but my mom is one of them. I don't want to get into detail about her because I don't know her very well and she very well could have been abused by my father. However, when I was in elementary, she drown my dog as a punishment for something remedial. I'm going to focus on my primary relationship with my wife and consider during that time how much time I want to continue devoting to my family after that.
OOP has very repetitive comments on his posts but the gist of it is
1. His wife embellishes stories like stand up comedians and exaggerates a bit. She *doesn't* lie about him.
2. His father told him that his mother manipulates by crying all the time. OOP has never seen his mum cry.
3. His wife sobs no matter the mode of communication which is making it difficult for them to communicate on topics which make her sad and he thought it was manipulative hence the post. But now they're working on this and he's going to therapy.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | 8,663 | "2023-01-04T16:35:58" | I called my wife manipulative and now she's emotionally distant. | CONCLUDED | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10380sq/i_called_my_wife_manipulative_and_now_shes/ | false | false |
1038qou | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Ok-Engine-6401 **in** r/AmItheAsshole
[**ORIGINAL**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokiv2/wibta_the_asshole_for_moving_away_from_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) \- 18th December 2022
Edit: English is not my first language so I am sorry if any of this does not make sense.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) since we were 19. When we were 23, he was injured in a skiing accident. His injuries were so severe that he was paralysed from the neck down and he has been semi-comatose ever since. Other than that he can do very little. He is no longer "there", his body is essentially functioning on autopilot. (There are more medical issues but I do not want to divulge his private information any more than I have to.) We were planning to get married. I love still love him very much.
Since his accident, he has lived at the hospital and then his parents — we lived together but our fifth floor apartment was not suitable for his needs and I work too much to care for him. His parents live 90 minutes out from our city. I visit 4/5 times a week, sometimes more if I can. It's been a point of contention between his mother and myself that I do not visit every day. I literally cannot do this with the hours I work and I am scared I will get in a road traffic accident driving in the dark and icy conditions (we live in a very snowy, icy state - his family basically lives on a mountain and runs a skiing resort so the roads are terrifying).
I work in a small and intensely competitve field. The salarly I am on right now is fine for the city I live in (major U.S city) but I could be earning almost double if I relocate. I've been offered an amazing job across the country. I really want to take it.
When I told his mother about how I was considering this job, she lost it. She told me I was an awful person to consider moving away from him. She said I was betraying him by abandoning him and moving on.
I told her that I couldn't just stop living because of what happened. She started screaming at me. I am empathetic because I understand that she feels as though the world is moving on without him, I feel that way too.
I am very conflicted, I am unsure if it is wrong to do this. Me and my boyfriend had promised we would marry each other. I do feel like I am abandoning him. WIBTA for taking the job?
**Verdict - Not the A-hole (NTA)**
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zxs6sz/update_wibta_for_moving_away_from_my_disabled/) \- 29th December 2022
I just would like to update anyone who left a kind comment and might stumble upon the update.
That post and the comments (and chats) I received have pushed me to accept the job. I move cities January 9th, I start my job January 16th. This is all happening very quickly but I have realised that I do need to put myself first and I am not an asshole for living my life, despite it being incredibly painful.
My boyfriend's mother does not agree. She is no longer speaking to me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend, who I guess is no longer my boyfriend and hasn't been for 2 years. I knew this would happen so I said goodbye to him before I told her. I do not want to repeat what she said to me, however it was awful. She says I ruined Christmas because I made the decision on the 23rd but she knew this was possible and it was a time sensitive offer. As one commenter said, it was never going to be a good time to do this.
On the plus side, her hating me has made it so that I have to leave for this job. I have no ties here anymore.
I may be the asshole in her eyes but this is what I need. I am having fleeting moments of regret but my family and therapist have said that in the 5 days since making this decision, I seem lighter.
I am excited for this new chapter, thank you again for the kind comments.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 8,031 | "2023-01-04T17:04:06" | OOP - WIBTA the asshole for moving away from my disabled boyfriend? | CONCLUDED | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1038qou/oop_wibta_the_asshole_for_moving_away_from_my/ | false | false |
103rssh | **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/throwra\_notinvite](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwra_notinvite/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole.
Your daily fun fact: u/miles_allan requested miniature horses. A miniature horse has to be less than 3 feet tall to be classified as a miniature horse, and the smallest known mini horse is Thumbelina, who measures just 17.5 inches tall! (44.45 cm)
**Mood Spoiler:** >!Good ending, though I still have no idea what the couple's problem was!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsf4iq/aita_for_not_inviting_them_to_my_christmas_party/)**:** **December 22, 2022**
I throw a pretty big Christmas party every year going on a decade now. A few years ago at one I threw my friend Tara met my former co-worker Tony and they hit it off. They dated for a while, and two years later, once again at my Christmas party, she showed up with a ring on her finger and they announced for the first time that they were engaged. I was super happy for them.
They got married this spring. We didn't get invited.
When I was sending around my party invitations this year, I didn't see any reason to invite them back if they didn't think I wasn't worthy of making their guest list. I have known them both for years, basically introduced them, and they literally announced their engagement at my home.
It got back to me today that they're very upset with us for not inviting them this year, that my party is something they consider special and they think I'm being petty. A couple friends mentioned it was a smaller wedding and they feel like I'm just punishing them.
It wasn't though. There were probably 200 people there and I knew at least 50 of them, and I was a little surprised at some of the names that made the cut over us. I didn't make a stink about it or anything, but I don't see why I should welcome them into my home again after being snubbed like that.
My partner thinks I should just let it go and invite them back, but I don't see a reason why I should.
AITA?
***Relevant Comments:***
*Did they give you a reason for no invite?*
"I don't know, we didn't ask. I just took it to mean we weren't as close as I thought we were and let it go. But for the record we literally had dozens of other friends who got invited."
"No we never got an explanation, just never received an invite. It got back to me through a mutual girlfriend they were trying to limit the guest list, but we had dozens of other friends there. I just think it's kind of funny they're getting our friends to try and get them an invite now after they just pretended we weren't a part of their lives."
*About the party:*
"Haha you don't know the half of it, over the last few years we have literally had it catered, had bartenders inside and outside, even hired someone to entertain kids earlier in the night. My partner and I put so much time, energy and money into this every year because we love our friends. It started out small when we were younger and now it's this big thing. I just don't like being taken for granted."
"**(edit- about the amount of people who come)** Not all at the same time since it runs from 5pm through the night and early on some people (mostly coworkers) bring their kids, but I expect up to a couple hundred people overall. It really is a large party. In recent years we have catered it and hired bartenders."
*Did they ask you about getting engaged at your party beforehand?*
"No, they didn't but for the record I didn't mind at all. We were happy for them!"
*Finally, more about their relationship with the couple:*
I did introduce them. Not with the idea of setting them up or anything, more like introducing one group of friends to another and then they hit it off.
They did use my party as an engagement announcement. I guess it kind of made sense, they had just gotten engaged a couple days before and hadn't made it public yet. All of our friends were there, everyone (including us) were excited for them.
I thought of her as a pretty close friend, she'd come over all the time to hang out when she was single. He was a former co-worker so not as close but we double dated a bit early in their relationship before the pandemic."
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zy935e/update_aita_for_not_inviting_them_to_my_christmas/)**: December 29, 2022**
Dang y'all, I never expected my post would blow up the way it did! [Here's the original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsf4iq/aita_for_not_inviting_them_to_my_christmas_party/) for reference. Since I got so many requests to check back in, here's the update:
* I stuck to my guns and did not invite them to my Christmas party. My partner stood by me when I told him I had made my decision and didn't bring it up again, neither did our friends.
* Many of you guessed that they would try and crash our party, I got worried that could happen after all the responses but thankfully it didn't. Probably 100+ of you guessed she wanted to hijack the party to announce she was pregnant - if that's the case, they haven't told anyone as far as I know.
* They did, however, decide to try and throw their own party at the same time as ours. Several friends told us they were trying to convince them to come to theirs instead. I honestly hope they had some guests and had a great time, I wish them no ill will, but I think just about everyone we expected came to our party so I doubt they poached any guests from us.
* They made enough of a last minute fuss over this that the whole thing became the gossip of our party (their doing, not mine). I chose to not engage in it but the consensus I heard was everyone thought it was bizarre they chose not to invite us to their wedding and that them complaining about not being invited to our party was in poor taste.
* Most common question on reddit was why did we not get an invite to their wedding - from what I can tell from people at our party gossiping about the situation, they've said it was because we're a little bit older then they are? I think that's weird since my partner and I are both 35, they're 28/29 so it's not like we're very far apart. Tara used to hang out with us at least once a week when she was single and I literally introduced them, the whole thing still seems strange to me but I guess it is what it is?
So yeah, that's how it all went down. Our party was a blast, we got to see so many friends some of which we haven't really seen since before COVID. Everyone had a great time, people literally brought toddlers we hadn't gotten to meet yet because of how crazy the world has been over the last couple of years. It was a wonderful evening. I hope y'all had as good of a Christmas as we did! | 14,060 | "2023-01-05T06:28:42" | AITA for not inviting them to my Christmas party after they didn't invite me to their wedding? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/103rssh/aita_for_not_inviting_them_to_my_christmas_party/ | false | false |
103yec2 | Originally posted by u/throwawaycontempt in r/TrueOffMyChest on Dec 12, '22, updated the same day as an edit
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zjvkts/blowed_thousands_worth_of_money_for_my_gf_i_do/)
She likes gaming, but sadly, all she had is a shitty acer laptop. So she's mostly stuck on mobile games, or borrow my pc if im not working/playing.
Today is her birthday, and she is at work. I've installed her a pc next to mine so we can game together, complete with a set of her favorite games, dmc specifically. She really loves vergil for some reason (?) also genshin impact, elden ring, the witcher, etc
I can't wait for gf to come home and see her reaction :)
UPDATE
GF just got home 1 hour ago. blindfoldedly, i led her to our gaming room. When she saw it, the look on her face was priceless - she could not stop smiling, her eyes were teary.
GF hugged me VERY hard and kissed me a lot before she started to boot up the pc
She's happily playing some of the games right now, while crying and giggling at the same time, joyously looking back and forth at me and the monitor with a smile.
I hope this kind of day would last forever and I would be with her till the end of time. I love her so much | 24,323 | "2023-01-05T13:01:24" | OP Surprises His Girlfriend With A New Computer (TOMC Dec 12, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/103yec2/op_surprises_his_girlfriend_with_a_new_computer/ | false | false |
104k60z | **I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** [**u/Budd311**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Budd311/) **in 2018 on** [**r/legaladvice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/)**.**
Reposted with permission from u/Budd311 \- thank you so much for allowing me to share your story!
​
[**Had a stroke in the Bahamas and woke to $55,000 in charges on my Bank of America credit card from hospital, however, I never gave them my credit card**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a2f94d/had_a_stroke_in_the_bahamas_and_woke_to_55000_in/) (2 Dec 2012)
This should be fun so strap in. I was in Nassaus Bahamas and suffered a stroke unexpectedly. I am young (low 30’s)and an overall pretty active and healthy so a stroke was the last thing that I would expect it to happen at this time in my life. So when the stroke hit the left side of my body went ‘limp’. I wasn’t able to talk, walk, or function … it is similar to being paralyzed and all around sucks. The hotel thankfully called an ambulance which brought me to a hospital.
Here’s where the fun begins. My girlfriend (lets call her T) went to give them my health insurance card when I was admitted which covers me internationally but the hospital refused my insurance and said that I don’t have coverage and insisted on cash payment or they would not treat me. When you are having a stroke minutes count so she give them whatever they wanted to treat me.
This is when T gave them my credit card **important note T is not an authorized cardholder on my credit card account**. **She does not have her own card nor is she an authorized signer or user on my account she simply went into my wallet while I was unconscious and gave it to them**So I was not able to step in and deal with the situation. I woke up hours later to T crying by my bedside. She was explaining to me the situation, even though I was conscience I was not able to process nor have the energy to respond. She was explaining that they would chase her down the hallway for $ 5000 $10,000 $20,000 at a time whatever they could as if buying a used car, it was surreal and makes me so mad but she did not have any other options at the time she notified my parents who showed up a day later. My father was raising hell about them not taking my insurance when he arrived but it was not the time to argue and made arrangements to get me back to the states. T is not an authorized user on my credit card account but she was doing what she thought was best for me while trying not to die. I think anyone else would have done the same
Long story short I was transported via air ambulance back to the states Pompano Beach Florida where my health insurance took over and now that the dust has settled I have $55,000 in charges on my credit card from said hospital in the Bahamas. I have spoken to my insurance company and they said the hospital should have taken the insurance when I was admitted but the hospital prefers cash because insurance companies will pay discounted rates whereas cash out of pocket is subject to whatever the hospital charges.
So the rub is the insurance company will not reimburse me for the full amount as that is not what they would have paid the hospital directly Since T is not an authorized user and she signed all the credit card receipts I already attempted to chargeback the charges but the credit card company has rejected this as a claim stating I have benefited from the services at the hospital and it is not considered fraud. I’m not trying to stiff the hospital on their bill, rather I want my money back and have my health insurance company pay them what they should have been be paid. My blood boils that they chased a grieving emotional girl for money knowing what they were doing. They took complete advantage of the situation
Does anyone out there have any advice or work for Bank of America disputes dept that can help guide me anyway or should I bother contacting a lawyer in the Bahamas? I assume I have to deal with an attorney over there not here, correct? If so a contact or advice on how to find one over there would be great.
Complete sidenote on where I’m at today. I am in rehab full time and started walking a few weeks ago for the first time since the stroke it’s not a pretty walk but gets me around my left arm is still flaccid but starting to move so I’m encouraged and the DRs think about six to 12 months to get full movement back, they say being young is one when the advantages in rehab ..I guess silver lining?? .. still sucks though LOL
I typed this post using voice dictation software apologies for any typos or grammatical errors or formatting I sucked with grammar before the stroke :)
**Post updated on 22 Dec 2018**
\*\*UPDATE : United came thru and paid 95% of the charges but 100% of the hospital bill. they shorted me $4600 b/c the hospital overcharged me. Meaning the invoices added up to more then what they ran my card. Hospital is a bunch of thieves, so now I have to see if hospital will refund me overage or open a new dispute with B of A for the overage . Thank you all for the advice! Life lessons have added to the list!
**Reminder: I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** [**u/Budd311**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Budd311/) **in 2018 on** [**r/legaladvice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/)**.** | 15,847 | "2023-01-06T04:03:39" | Had a stroke in the Bahamas and woke to $55,000 in charges on my Bank of America credit card from hospital, however, I never gave them my credit card | CONCLUDED | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/104k60z/had_a_stroke_in_the_bahamas_and_woke_to_55000_in/ | false | false |
104yf7l | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/jesustunafish **in** r/relationship_advice
​
**Some music recommendation to hide TW & spoilers for mobile users** \- [Click Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M0OqxwwJF4) for an impressive arrangement of *Requiem for a Dream* Music (originally composed by Clint Mansell) by TIJP using Classical Instruments featuring SIRI.
​
mood spoilers: >!OOP does an awesome job standing up for herself!<
[**ORIGINAL**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/copzwa/my_28f_boyfriend_29m_and_his_best_friend_29f_are/) \- 11th August 2019
My boyfriend wanted to go on a vacation this summer to his mom's friends' house in Hawaii with me and his two best friends (25M and 29F). We had been planning on this all spring, and at some point, 25M dropped out of the trip, leaving just the three of us.
For context, my boyfriend and I have been going out since November, and it's been serious. We had (and still have) been talking about moving in together and he has said, and I agree, that this is a long-term situation and that we are in it for good.
In early June, once 25M unexpectedly dropped out of the trip, 29F called my boyfriend and told him that now that it was just the three of us, she didn't feel comfortable with me going on the trip, since she didn't know me that well and she didn't want to be a third wheel. She said that if I were to go, she wouldn't go on the trip. Without telling me that this was happening, they changed the plans and made it a trip just the two of them and they changed the location to a beach in Costa Rica.
I was trying to figure out when to ask for time off this summer and hadn't heard news about the plans, so I asked my boyfriend which week in August I should be setting aside for the Hawaii trip. He let me know that, actually, he had talked to his friend and that she didn't want to go if I were going, so he was going to go alone with her to Costa Rica. He said that we could go another week later maybe to Mexico City or something.
I was upset, and tried to talk with him about how the situation made me feel, especially since this wasn't a case of a separate trip being set up ahead of time -- this was a case of me being invited and then uninvited from a week-long tropical vacation with a girl friend of his who I had never met before. We eventually decided to do a trip together to Copenhagen, which we have both wanted to visit, as some sort of compensation. I also asked to meet her, so that I could feel more comfortable with the trip.
We spent the 4th of July going to see her and her boyfriend in the city where they live, and although it was nice to put a face to a name, it was ultimately a very cold trip and she was not at all welcoming to me. My boyfriend remarked on how unfriendly she was -- to both of us, he thought -- and said that he was surprised that she didn't act warmly to me. I went out of my way to try get to know her and her boyfriend (I'm very outgoing and friendly and usually this would be easy), but it didn't really click, even after several days. They were somewhat cold to each other as well -- they bickered a little bit about their future and his own 3 week trip without her that was scheduled for the same time as their trip (this had been scheduled before ours had).
This had been my effort to feel better about the trip, so I told my boyfriend that I still didn't feel comfortable with things, and that I was feeling insulted by the way that it was handled. I had tried to make things smooth between all of us, and I asked him to please come up with something that could help me feel better about the trip.
On a visit to his family, they asked about the trip and they were all shocked that he would have arranged it this way, and let me know that they would have been furious if they were in my position, which triggered a fight in which I asked him to please help come up with a strategy to make me feel better and more secure about them going together without me. He said that he would never do this kind of thing again, which feels like not much to offer, since this is kind of a once in a lifetime trip to begin with. He kind of offered to not go on the trip, but he had already paid for the tickets and made arrangements and I didn't want to stop their trip and be resented by both him and his best friend.
He asked me to give him ideas of how to make me feel better and wanted me to just tell him what to do and stalled and stalled until it was finally the day of the trip. He bought me a bag of peanut butter cups and I drove the two of them to the airport.
I feel so disregarded and disrespected in this situation. I want to break up with him, but I don't want to burn up something that has otherwise been really good.
TL;DR - I (28F) was uninvited from a vacation with my boyfriend (29M) and his best friend (29F) and I can't get over it. I want advice on how to talk with him about this.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/csoob6/update_my_28f_boyfriend_29m_and_his_best_friend/) \- 20th August 2019
I was really upset the day I dropped him off and he was texting me but I wasn’t responding. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but I didn’t want to do anything at all in the state I was in. I waited until the next day, and then I sent him a thought out text letting him know that I didn’t feel safe or loved in the way the trip was handled and that I would be dropping his things off at his place and leaving his keys with the neighbor. He called but didn’t leave any messages and then he messaged me that he didn’t understand.
The rest of the week, he called and messaged me, but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up or text back. On Thursday, I think that he realized that I was serious, and he asked me some questions about logistical things — I told him which neighbor his key was with, etc.
When he got back and saw all his things at his place, he got pretty frantic and called and left me a long message. I was working all day, but also I still didn’t want to respond. He asked me to explain because he didn’t understand what was going on. The next day, I sent another text making it clear that it was over, and he got upset and sent me a bunch of texts in a row about how he didn’t understand why I was throwing away everything that we built. He left me a voicemail that was really angry that said he had no idea why I was upset and that he did not accept the break-up because he had no say in it and that he wanted me to tell him the evil story that I had made up about him to his face.
I wasn’t going to respond to him and I wanted to remain calm, but this upset me. So I sat down to write him this letter. It’s long, so skip over if you want. I tried to call him but I started crying and told him I’d just send him an email instead. This is what it said.
*“The time that we have had apart has given me some good space and time to think. I have had a chance to think about the things that are important for me in a relationship and I see that we should not be together. I am sorry that I have been asking for you to change things about your life that you shouldn’t have to change at my or anyone’s behest.*
*From the very start, this trip was made in an insanely disrespectful way in which it started out from you being given an ultimatum by your female best friend who I had never met that either she goes or I go on this trip, and you picked her. You didn’t offer to have her meet me (theoretically I was your long-term partner, so this would have made a lot of sense), you didn’t encourage her to find someone else to come, and you didn’t consult me at all. That’s enough for most people to have a deal-breaker, right there. However, I stayed.*
*This is a person who you have a history with that is not entirely clear to me. Here is what I understand: some bad rumors got started about the two of you in which you spent an entire night out with her on an acid trip while you were dating someone else. Nothing happened. The other thing I understand is that you were interested in her romantically at some, theoretically other, point and that she started dating her boyfriend and that closed the door on things for you. According to what I also understand, it took a long time for 29F’s boyfriend to feel comfortable with you being around, but you apparently worked to ultimately make him feel comfortable with you after I’m not sure how long. This is the completely unknown person who shut me out of a trip that I was originally going to go on (unilateral decision). You did not tell me this was happening until I asked when the trip to Hawaii would be.*
*You purchase tickets in another very disrespectful situation in which I have cooked dinner and have guests present, and you choose to go into my room for well over an hour to select tickets with her, and in which I repeatedly ask you to please come to dinner because you say it will just be a few more minutes each time. There is absolutely no reason for doing it at that time and in that situation, seeing as how she is in the same time zone as us and has a 9-5 job. This makes me feel sick to my stomach.*
*So, to make myself feel better about this whole arrangement, I tell you that I want to meet this person. On my request, we arrange a trip to go meet her and her boyfriend — a brief trip in which they are (and you explicitly agree) inexplicably cold. The first conversation that we have is one in which 29F and her boyfriend argue about how she dm’ed him while he was already in a relationship and got him to date her instead. You tell me about conversations that 29F has had with you recently in which it seems implied that there is some real instability in their long-term relationship — stuff about kids and dogs. I have a discussion in which I let you know that I see that and that it worries me.*
*Meanwhile, I am still wanting all of this to work out for you and for me and for her. I, at this point, am planning on being with you for the long term and see no benefit in telling you to not go on a trip with your best friend. I want it to work out. But each and every interaction surrounding this trip chips and chips and chips away at my ability to handle it: the conversations that seem to go nowhere, etc. Your dad, your mom, and your grandparents are all very surprised when we tell them about this trip. It is becoming very obvious that this is a dangerous trip to make with the fragility of our relationship. 29M, we had only been together for nine months. How long did it take before 29F’s boyfriend was comfortable with you hanging around? Much less going on a one-on-one international tropical vacation in which he was uninvited because of your request?*
*We go over it with (friend) at the rock climbing gym, we go over it in the car, we go over it while we're booking our AirBnb for Copenhagen, we go over it when I tell you that I still feel uncomfortable and I do not feel good about the trip. Talk about repeatedly saying something! Although I ask for you to help me, you actually ask me instead to come up with what would make me feel better. Surprisingly, I have no ideas either.*
*Ultimately, it appears that the original plan to meet at my place and hang out and do a game night before you two go on the trip has been canceled, and 29F will be staying at my place, but not hanging out with us at all beforehand. You attribute it to you not bringing it up with her early enough. This is apparently not something that was discussed even two nights before the trip. This upsets me. You do not know what to do. I don’t blame you — at this point, it was well out of hand. I don't know what to do either. There is no good solution that I can think of besides waiting for the trip to be over. I tell you that either I have to get over it, or I have to break up with you, and that I don’t want to break up with you. But my ability to get over it is rather rather rather worn down.*
*She arrives at my place very late, and we wake up the next morning for me to take the two of you to the airport. After all of this lead-up, I know that you can tell how unhappy I am. I fully absolutely know you can tell how unhappy I am. You leave, and when I don’t respond to your text messages, you text me to tell me that you hope I’m okay and you’re going to bed. No call.*
*The rest of the week was rough. My text to you was met with, essentially, “I’m sorry you feel this way.” You tell me that I’m being unfair.*
*There is no acknowledgment (and there still has been none) that this trip to a fucking honeymoon destination, as we have discussed before, could be a crazy and horrible thing to go through with, even with my quasi-blessing. This is not something that people in relationships have to deal with. This is not something that people in relationships do, besides 29F, I guess.*
*In the end, all of this is to say that I have felt serious emotional needs go seriously unmet in a way that is a deal-breaker for me.*
*There have been some wonderful, very positive times, but there has been an unnecessary amount of heartache and suffering for me over things that come down to what I can only assume are personal differences.*
*I cannot handle your relationship with 29F. And I suppose I could ask you to pick between her and me, but that’s not what I want to do. I want you to have your best friend, and I want to leave. I did love you, but I am not about to fight this fight and hear you tell me that I’m crazy for not seeing how totally platonic everything is for the rest of my life.*
*It seems like trying to convince someone to like different food, or to have a different favorite color. I am not happy in this, and I do not want to feel these feelings any longer.*
*There is no need for this to be mutual. I do not need your permission to break up with you.”*
He wrote me back an apologetic email in which he accepted responsibility for most things without any argument, except he denied anything that had to do with his relationship with her making me feel uncomfortable and he denied that I would not be able to handle their relationship.
He said that the only thing that made their trip bad for me was my own perspective.
I wrote him back that trust has to be built and that he put too much strain too early on a relationship in which we had not developed that trust.
He agreed and apologized. For me, it ended on a pretty amicable note, but this style of relationship really doesn’t work for me and I don’t feel like his responses to me really healed or changed anything significantly. I stand by my decision at this point.
TLDR: We broke up.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 26,559 | "2023-01-06T16:26:58" | My (28F) boyfriend (29M) and his best friend (29F) are going on a week-long vacation. They uninvited me + UPDATE. | CONCLUDED | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/104yf7l/my_28f_boyfriend_29m_and_his_best_friend_29f_are/ | false | false |
105g3w1 | **I am not OOP. OOP is**
Your daily fun fact: u/Vixie_Rose and u/burningduchess requested foxes. Foxes can make over 40 different sounds, and their tails contribute to their own thermoregulation!
**Trigger Warning:** >!Child emotional abuse, neglect!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!Parents suck, but a sweet ending for OOP and bro!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg5y83/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_sisters/)**: December 8, 2022**
My (22f) brother (17m) was an affair baby. What ended up happening was the following:
My dad remarried another woman and gained a step daughter (17) who he treats like his own. My mother remarried another man and had my half sisters (14f, 13f). My brother’s father is not in his life.
As a kid, I spent an equal amount of time with both parents but my brother was always with mom. From what I know, my brother doesn’t call anyone dad.
This is something that really affects him. He’s always wanted a dad and one of those happy little families and I recently found his letters to Santa from when he was younger and I’m absolutely heartbroken. It is something I now feel very strongly about.
Because my mom works a lot, no one ever shows up to my brother’s games. He doesn’t really care. Or at least acts like he doesn’t.
Well my bf and I decided to go to every one of his games and have been going to every game since last year. He always gets really happy. He even jokingly calls us his parents as we sit with all the other parents. This is something I only do for him.
My brother had his final volleyball game near the end of October and like always, I was going.
However, as I was about to leave, my mom said she needed to talk. Ten minutes later, my dad shows up. They usually cannot stand each other so I thought it was something serious.
They just told me that it’s nice that I go to all my brother’s games but my sisters on both sides feel left out and I should make an effort to go to their things too. My 17 yr old sister had some dance rehearsal on the same day and they wanted me to go to that instead to prove that I’m not playing favourites. They also said that they want my bf to go as well.
I said no. They kept begging though and my mom told me that my other sisters had something coming up as well. I said no. Unless it’s a major game or recital, I won’t attend. I’m already very busy and only do this for my brother because unlike my sisters, he has no one. My parents said that was unfair to the girls because they deserve to have an older sister. They both also agree that it’s weird my bf and I act like his parents.
I just told them that sucks but I have a game to get to.
They’re both STILL mad at me. I haven’t been allowed in either houses since that day and until I promise to commit to the girls as well but I keep refusing. My mom’s called me mean, selfish etc and my dad keeps saying that he never expected this from me. I don’t know, am I the asshole for refusing to do the same for my sisters? I just want my brother to have ONE thing. He never gets anything. But maybe I’m the asshole for doing this at the expense of my sisters.
***Relevant Comments:***
*Did she point out that if his actual parents showed up, she wouldn't have to as much?*
"Yes. I stayed very clearly that the main reason I attend is because my brother has no one going to his games while my 17 year old sister’s mom always goes to her dance stuff and my other sisters dad is super involved in their sports. They just replied with “well it’s unfair to your sisters.”
*Does she attend the step-sisters' major events? Has she tried talking to the sisters?*
*"*Yes, I attend all major things like big performances for one sister and then big games for the other two. I haven’t talked to them much since the incident (not because of the fight, I’m just really busy rn) but I’ll try."
*More about little bro:*
"See my brother unconsciously started calling my step dad, dad, but he was all like “This is weird, I don’t want another man’s child calling me dad.” So my mom made him stop."
"It made me see them in a very different light when I found out about this. They weren’t even ashamed. They simply do not care.
Like I was helping her clean out the basement and there were three boxes of my brother’s childhood stuff and half of it was just drawings of me, my brother, our mom and what seems to be his dad. When I showed them to my mom she was more upset about the fact that he didn’t draw our sisters or his step dad.
We also found the letters to Santa there and I started crying reading them and all my mom did was crack a joke about his handwriting like what the fuck?"
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zzvnvt/update_aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_sisters/)**: December 31, 2022**
Hi everyone, first of all... thank you so very much for all the comments. I really appreciated them. Idk how to express this lol but I’m grateful.
The update:
After reading all the comments on my post, I decided to talk to my sisters on both sides about what my parents told me. Well, the one on my dad’s side said that she doesn’t see me as important enough to watch her perform. The ones on my mom’s side straight up admitted that they don’t care for my brother or I and never asked for me to go to their games.
To be honest, I don’t care. We don’t actively hate each other or anything and are civil at best. My step sister (dad’s side) prefers being on her own and my half sisters (mom’s side) know very well that I’m much closer to my brother than them. Maybe if our parents weren’t terrible, things could’ve been different but it is what it is.
From now on, I will no longer be going to my sisters things unless they ask me. I have a very demanding job and I just found out I’m pregnant so I won’t have time at all.
Speaking of me being pregnant, my brother was the first person my boyfriend and I told and he was clearly afraid of a lot. But I promised him that I love him to pieces and the baby changes nothing. I also told him that I know we’re technically half siblings and we’re only 5 years apart but I care for him a lot and I kind of see him as my child. I also told him my boyfriend loves him in a similar way too.
I was afraid that it would be a bit weird to say this but he smiled really hard and told me how he used to wish my bf and I were really his parents but felt embarrassed for thinking this so he never said anything. We just hugged and ahh we’re not the best with feelings but it was nice.
He turns 18 in Feb and I plan on having him move in for good by the end of Jan. My dad and I no longer speak at all after he sent me a very mean message. My mom and I only speak to talk about my brother moving in with me and getting all his legal stuff. She still asks about my sisters games but I always shut it down. She didn’t ask when we last talked... progress?
We celebrated Christmas with my boyfriend’s family and they all treated my brother so wonderfully. Also... my boyfriend’s proposing soon and my brother’s gonna be whatever the guy version of the maid of honour is. Overall, we’ve been doing well and we have big things ahead of us. And I know we’re a bit of an odd family but it makes my brother happy and that’s really all that matters to me. Tysm again. | 7,225 | "2023-01-07T04:48:41" | AITA for refusing to go to my sisters recitals/games? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/105g3w1/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_sisters/ | false | false |
105icfo | Originally posted by u/shespissed in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 17, '22, updated Dec 18th.
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zochf3/aita_for_requesting_that_my_wife_cleans_up_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
AITA for requesting that my wife cleans up after herself?
I (28m) married my wife (23f), who we’ll call ‘Dani’, about a year ago and we were very lucky to get pregnant soon after. Dani is in her third trimester now and on pregnancy leave.
Once we got the good news, I started working extra hours in order to save more money for when the baby gets here. This means that I have to get up extra early every morning to get to work (I try to be out the door by 6AM). I get home a little later and I’m usually pretty beat, but I still contribute to the house by doing dishes, cleaning up after the cat (coz she can’t), that kind of stuff. This new routine has been hard on both of us, but we’ve made it work and so far everything has been fine. That is, until the other day, when I wake up to Dani crying.
We only have one bathroom, which is downstairs, and lately Dani has been having a little more trouble going up and down the stairs. This usually went fine, but this time she didn’t make it. So, when I came downstairs, I found her, in tears, standing in her own mess. She was clearly very embarrassed and even more so that I ‘caught’ her. I immediately felt bad for her, and tried to comfort her and told her it’s all good, it can happen to anyone, just clean it up and we’ll go back to bed. She asked me if I could help her, but I told her that that made me uncomfortable. I would never expect anyone to clean up after my mess.
Tbh, it has happened before when I had a couple too many beers, but I always clean up after myself and it would feel weird to ask Dani to do it for me in that situation. She got really mad and called me insensitive for making her clean up after herself after an already embarrassing enough situation.I proposed a compromise - she would clean up the mess, and I would get her clean pj’s (since I’d just done laundry anyway). She asked me if this is what it was going to be like if the baby made a mess, and I told her I would be perfectly okay to clean up after the baby, since it can’t clean up after itself. I then told her I didn’t have time to stand there arguing with her all night when I had to get up in like three hours to go to work and provide for us. So, I walked upstairs, grabbed her pj’s for her and went back to bed.
The next morning, when I got downstairs, I found her on the couch. She told me that she barely slept and felt horrible about the night before. She called me an asshole and said that by not helping her, I only embarrassed her more. She then told me she would be staying with her mom until I got my shit together. It’s been half a day now, and she’s not responding to my texts. I talked about it with a few coworkers and I’m getting mixed responses, but I just want to make sure… AITA?
Edit 1: So after about 5 hours, most of y'all seem to agree that IATA. Dani's coming home tonight to pick up some stuff, so I hope we'll have a moment to talk it out then. I'll take you guys' verdict into account going into the conversation. I did see some people who would see my side of the story, so I do hope she'll take that into account too. Will update soon!
Edit 2: Keeping it brief bc of word limit, will post full update after judgment.
Long story short: Dani and her mom came to pick up her things last night. Dani and I talked, she told me her side, I told her my side. In the end, we both ended up apologising and agreed we were gonna work on it. She's gonna be staying with her mom until we find a comfortable way for Dani to sleep downstairs at my place.
*Comments:*
>You say you'd be fine cleaning up after a baby because they are not physically capable. what if your child had an accident at the age of, say, seven? would you make them clean up after themselves or?
OP: Fair question. I honestly can't say for sure. Maybe I'd see it as a good teaching moment.
>Teach what? Humiliation?
OP: No, I meant like the gentle parenting thing where you teach kids the logical consequence for their actions: you make a mess (intentional or not, doesn't matter), so you clean it up
>Why would you choose a username to mock her and the situation?
OP: Didn't mean to mock her. Just popped into my head when I was making the throwaway - it just stuck.
>What do you mean "at my place"? Are you not married?
OP: She moved in with me two years into the relationship, during the pandemic. Property's in my name, so force of habit, I guess.
OP: The doctor said she shouldn't exert herself too much, but she's not bed rest, no.
OP: I've seen her crouch to pick up stuff, and the doctor's never explicitly said she can't. But, I've talked to her last night, and she's made it clear that it's very painful for her, which was the first time I heard about it
*Judgment: Asshole*
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zoxxcx/update_aita_for_requesting_that_my_wife_cleans_up/)
So I wanted to post this before going to work, while it’s still fresh in my memory.
Basically not much had happened since I posted the original thread, until Dani came home later that night. Her mom was with her, but she only helped her load up stuff and didn’t look at me or address me once.
While her mom was packing Dani’s things, Dani sat down in the living room and I joined her. I told her we needed to talk about what happened and she reluctantly agreed.
She explained to me that for her to get down and up on her knees to clean the floor was painful and that it was borderline cruel to expect that of her.
I told her that if she was having so much trouble moving, that she should’ve told me sooner, so we could have worked on a solution together. And if she had explained it to me calmly yesterday, then I would’ve reacted differently.
She thought it was too much to ask of her to spell everything out, and that I need to be more present, both during the pregnancy and after.
I told her that was difficult for me to hear, as I feel that I already contribute significantly and don’t wanna feel like she doesn’t see that.
She expressed that she does appreciate me putting in extra time at work, but that she also needs emotional support, especially in situations like last night’s.
I agreed with her to an extent, but I did try to make sure she understood why I found the situation uncomfortable in the moment, which, after some explaining, she did.
I briefly considered telling her that I talked about it at work and showing her the thread, but I’ll take reddit’s advice to heart and keep that to myself. I won’t delete the posts - she’s not on reddit anyway.
So we concluded on the following things:
Dani will be staying with her mom (she does have a bathroom on every floor) until we’ve figured out a way for her to sleep downstairs comfortably (i.e. not on the couch or an air mattress).
I’ve apologized sincerely for making her discomfort worse, and she in turn apologized for blowing up at me the way she did, and we mutually agreed we were gonna work on it.
For those of you wishing that Dani leaves me: I love my wife very much, in the five years we’ve been together we’ve never had anything like this, and I’m determined to make us work again - and so is she.
So, all in all, I think things will turn out alright. Thanks for your insights, reddit, and for making me see that I acted a little out of line.
*I have a hard time believing this was their first problem like this and I believe they will definitely have some work to do on their marriage. But they seem to be happy with this resolution of having her sleep downstairs so I am flairing it concluded*
**This is a reminder that this is *not* my original post. The original OP was u/shespissed. Also remember, It is against BoRU rules to comment on the original post or message the original poster. Doing so will result in a ban** | 12,268 | "2023-01-07T06:47:57" | Man's Pregnant Wife Wets Herself & He Refuses To Help Her Clean It Up (AITA Dec 18, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/105icfo/mans_pregnant_wife_wets_herself_he_refuses_to/ | false | false |
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Dataset Card for "dataset-creator-reddit-bestofredditorupdates"
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Dataset Overview
The goal is to have an open dataset of r/bestofredditorupdates submissions. I'm leveraging PRAW and the Reddit API to get downloads.
There is a limit of 1000 in an API call and limited search functionality, so this is run daily to get new submissions.
Creation Details
This dataset was created by reddit-tools-HF/dataset-creator-reddit-bestofredditorupdates
Update Frequency
The dataset is updated daily with the most recent update being 2024-05-10 05:00:00 UTC+0000 where we added 9 new rows.
Licensing
Reddit Licensing terms as accessed on October 25: [License information]
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Number of rows:
11,523