description
stringlengths 1
17.7k
| question
stringlengths 2
300
| comment_id
stringlengths 5
6
| answer
stringlengths 20
6.4k
| topic
stringlengths 3
21
| post_id
stringlengths 5
6
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
24/f/uk for the past 3 months my appetite has sucked. i was put on zyprexa to increase it but theyve stopped working. i have to make myself eat and the thought of any food even what i used to love makes me feel queasy. i get hungry, just less so and i dont want anything. im concerned about cancers like colon or gastric as ive seen appetite loss as a symptom. nausea and food aversion i saw one guy mentioned when he had stage 0 cancer. i have been worried and cant make my appetite how it was, which before this happened was very big. i loved food! i lost alot of weight because of this, about 10lbs but ive put it back on just about now. cbd oil or zyprexa helped me for a while (not sure which as i was taking them at the same time). i want my appetite back on its own. ive had blood tests, ultrasound and calprotectin and stuff but no ct or colonoscopy as my gp deems it unnecessary. when i put food in my mouth i feel like i just dont want it there like a weird feeling in my throat. only other symptom is occasional back pain on the middle left and my stools smell a bit vinegary, are smoother and sometimes less formed but i may be being over wary now? thanks | is appetite loss alone a concern for cancer? | evp7sk | loss of weight and appetite without other symptoms are rarely first symptoms of cancer, and with normal labs the chance drops to almost never. that doesn’t mean there’s nothing else to examine to try to find a cause, but at least that one worry can be put aside. | askdocs | evp7sk |
hey trauma therapists out there. question for you. i'm in the midst of some really really tough work with my therapist, whom i believe in and trust 100%. i recently had an episode in session that i'm not sure how to classify. i've got ptsd with dissociative characteristics. this was like a flashback, maybe memory, maybe i don't know... and i don't remember everything that happened. it was a very difficult experience that really just seemed to be out of the blue. this happened during a 2nd session in the same week, which my therapist scheduled for me because he believed i really needed it. i was grateful to have this second session because i felt i needed it as well. my therapist indicated i was pushed to hard and that the 2nd session was a mistake. the thing is, i never felt "pushed". yes, the episode was very frightening for me, but i was in a safe place with the safest person i have in my life right now. i sense that he feels like he let me down somehow, and i disagree. i realize all this discomfort is necessary for me to heal. even if i hate it, i know it's going to get better. i think i am able to keep this outlook on the midst of all this turmoil because of the therapy and this therapist. have you ever felt like you pushed a client to hard? would it matter to you how the client felt? i don't want my therapist thinking i was pushed and that they made a mistake. should i care? | trauma & pushing too hard? | c0h73h | in my opinion, any therapist who claims to have never made a mistake like this needs to do some serious self reflection. we are human, and fallible. as humans, we also probably generally avoid discussing our screw ups with a group of strangers, which is probably why your post has been neglected😂 it is also a bit tricky to discuss mistakes without becoming too specific and potentially jeopardizing confidentiality. so, yes. totally have done it. and made many other mistakes as well. no amount of training and degrees can prepare you for the full scope of what you might encounter while working in this field. for me, the most important aspect of mistake-making is what you do once you’ve realized you made a mistake. almost always, i name it immediately and ask my client if they would like to tell me how my misstep felt on their end. sometimes, clients don’t experience it as a mistake and are ready to move along. other times, there is a need for some repair or processing. regardless, i think naming and owning as soon as possible is essential, and the most ethical way to deal with the situation. it sounds like your therapist did exactly this. i’m not clear on whether or not you had time to process what had happened after he named what he felt was a mistake, but i would encourage you to have a more in depth conversation with him about it, as it sounds like you have some valuable input. he may also be able to provide more detail as to why he felt it was a mistake. you both obviously experienced the situation differently. in the end, it doesn’t matter if you come to an agreement about whether or not it was an actual mistake, but i do think there is great value and importance in fully communicating and processing the experience. that way, you both can have some form of resolution and move forward unburdened. good luck! he sounds like a wonderful therapist, and it sounds like you’re doing a great job in building skills! | askatherapist | c0h73h |
hallucinations hi! i’ve been on sertraline for almost a year now. on 150mg a day. i’ve been to hundreds of doctors as i keep neglecting my treatment and moving but each dr increases my dose and pushes me out the door. recently i’ve been having severe symptoms, i’ve been really strongly visually hallucinating. i’m not talking about like an odd shape i literally imagined the floor crumbling underneath me and was convinced i was going to drop in to hell. i saw stuff like the world look like i was trapped in a game, and lots of dark haunting scary looking people. in the night i kept walking up as i was certain i heard someone walking in the house and kept seeing someone walk in to the room who wasn’t there. i’ve been having severe tremors so sometimes i can’t pick anything up and i wake up in the night soaked in sweat. i was wondering if anyone had a similar experience? do you think this could be the tablets? | help i keep hallucinating on zoloft / sertraline | fhkcma | sounds more like anxiety/trauma than psychosis tbh. pretty unlikely on sertraline too. but don't know you so cant give a proper answer. | mentalhealth | fhkcma |
i am a trans man who’s turning 20 in 7 days. my best friend is 17, turning 18 in october. we’ve been best friends for 2 years, first meeting when i was 17 and she was 15. i’m asexual. but does the age gap in our friendship still make me a predator? i’m honestly feeling absolutely terrified asking this. i’ve been sexually assaulted before, twice when i was underage. if i find out i’ve become like the people who did that to me i probably won’t be alive much longer. | if a 20 year old man has a close friendship with a 17 year old girl, is that man a predator? | ha4vu7 | predator implies a power differential where someone a) has the upper hand & b) uses that power to force getting something they want. friends, meanwhile, are usually reciprocal in power with each other. as long as there's no "bad touch" going on, you're just not a predator, buddy. whoever is saying otherwise has projection issues. | advice | ha4vu7 |
i'm curious about the onset of withdrawal. i've been extremely stressed out recently. i missed two doses this week. both morning doses. i take 1 150mg tablet morning and night. how quickly will withdrawal symptoms come on if i miss a dose? i always figured since it takes months to actually take effect, missing a dose accidentally wouldn't cause issues since i'm only missing a 12 hour time period. but i started reading and the papers were saying it sets in very quickly. 1. am i at risk of withdrawal that quick? 2. when i do miss, i don't double up, i just take my next normal dose. is that correct? * age - 50 * sex - m * height - 6' * weight - 200 * race - caucasian * current medications (if any) wellbutrin | withdrawal from wellbutrin | 6po4zv | the half-life is a bit shorter than other antidepressants so there's a higher risk of withdrawal symptoms - but i wouldn't necessarily expect it after a single dose. not impossible though. if you miss, just take the normal dose when you are next due to take it. | askdocs | 6po4zv |
fuck. as the title says, i got hitched yesterday (yay!!!) it obviously wasn't the way we intended, but it was still nice. however, after the ceremony we all (just my husband, siblings, and parents) went back to my parents place for supper. i bought a bottle of wine and drank it all on my own. i'm not 100% sure what happened but i remember crying over something stupid and hiding in the garage. i'm fucking 30, and acted like a child. i'm so embarrassed i can't even speak to my family. my sister (who is a physician and obviously really busy and stressed right now and yet she took the time to drive 4 hours one way for my special day) just texted me that i really need to get my drinking under control. i can't even properly apologize because i'm not really sure what happened. i just needed to share. i feel so ashamed i can't even wrap my brain around it. my family went to so much work to make everything happen, and of course i ruined it. fellow alcoholics, how do you get over the shame and embarrassment when you fuck up royally due to your drinking? | yesterday i got married, used it as an excuse to get drunk, and now i'm super embarrassed | ftsngc | the only thing that has worked for me is time and knowing that i am working to get better. that’s really the only amends i can make for the stuff i have done anyways. i know you probably feel like you want to hide in some hole right now due to the shame and embarrassment, but it will get better. you just need to let it and allow yourself to get through the current uncomfortable part. | stopdrinking | ftsngc |
just thought i'd share this with you all. yesterday i was doing a bit of cleaning and came across the journal i had kept from the beginning of my recovery. oh god! well of course i read it. here are my thoughts. holy crap was i insane. i could see defenitely improvement over the 7 or so weeks but it's hard to believe this is how i was thinking. all of my problems were blamed on others. i was powerless and helpless and so confused about everything. i was lonely and was isolated from everyone and didn't know what to do. i was afraid of the future. it was really neat seeing a gradual change in my writings. one thing that stood out was how my penmanship (of all things) improved. from sloppy and weak to somewhat neat and more confident. it was a sign of physical improvement. a couple things i noticed that obviously worked were doing little things. i prayed (even though i don't believe in a diety), i asked others for help. the more i asked for help the easier things became and the happier i became. i began to have gratitude. i was thankful for simple things, little kindnesses others did for me, and life in general. i know i still have lots of work to do but some clarity has come to me over time. one thing i attribute this to is listening to others and not thinking i have all the answers. not sure if this helps anyone but those are my thoughts at the moment. hope you all have a good day and thanks for reading! | found journal | 3wjuxn | i'm cleaning now to try and help with anxiety and keep me busy. i hope one day i can come across something like this. can i ask what kinds of things you asked help for? and what did you find to be the most helpful. congrats on everything. | stopdrinking | 3wjuxn |
my friend might be dead. i dont know him irl, so i cant go help him. i’m scared, and the only way i know if he’s ok is through his 8 year old sister. what do i do?! | what if he’s dead | ht8xim | can you contact his sister? or call the police to do a wellness check? | advice | ht8xim |
hi i'm 19, ~130lbs, 5'11", male, us, don't smoke, taking buspirone and prozac. i'm t1d as well. my current medication routine is 20mg prozac in the morning, and 20mg of buspirone 3 times a day. i ran out of prozac about 4-5 days ago, but have still been taking the buspirone. thing is, i haven't noticed any withdrawal symptoms from not taking the prozac. i haven't felt like the prozac has been working since day 1 (my psychiatrist still hasn't taken me off of them regardless). i'm wondering if the fact that i'm not having any withdrawls is an indication that the prozac isn't working or if it indicates anything at all? thanks | is having no withdrawals an indication of something? | 8bjgb2 | prozac has such a long half-life that it's probably not out of your system yet. it's actually available in a once per week pill. we don't know what a lack of withdrawal means. in my experience, most people don't have withdrawal from most antidepressants whether or not they're effective. because it lasts so long and blood levels decrease so slowly if you stop taking it, prozac is generally thought to be one of the least likely to have withdrawal as a side effect. you've been on a low dose, too—very reasonable to start with, but not necessarily what will be effective—i'm curious how long you've been on it, whether you've had side effects, and whether there was any discussion of changing the dose. | askdocs | 8bjgb2 |
28 white female, 170 lbs taking vitamin d, vitamin b 12, magnesium (not actively on all three), recent medical history have been having aches throughout the body, rheumatoid doctor ordered these tests. got test results back today and a few were flagged. below are the results, and im just wondering what would cause them to be flagged? also, my hepatic function pnl results showed high albumin at 5.1 g/dl sorry for everything being condensed together, but the nucleated reds, absolute nrbc, and abs neut are all high. wbc 10.20 k/ul rbc 4.69 m/ul hemoglobin 13.2 g/dl hematocrit 40.0 % mcv 85.3 fl mch 28.1 pg mchc 33.0 g/dl rdw-cv 12.4 % platelet count 230 k/ul mpv 12.0 fl neut% 74.5 % abs neut (anc) 7.60 k/ul (high) lymph% 17.7 % abs lymph 1.81 k/ul mono% 6.2 % abs mono 0.63 k/ul eosin% 1.0 % abs eosin 0.10 k/ul baso% 0.6 % abs baso 0.06 k/ul nucleated reds 0.1 /100 wbc (high) absolute nrbc 0.01 k/ul (high) | cbc + diff, hepatic function pnl results high flagged markers | e0k0py | an albumin of 5.1 is within normal in many labs. even if the lab flags it, it has no significance. that elevated anc is also not actually significantly elevated and can be ignored. the presence of nucleate (immature) red blood cells, even very rarely, is unclear, and i would also want to know whether this is an automatic read and, if so, how good the device doing the reading is. talk to the doctor who ordered the tests. | askdocs | e0k0py |
after reading this quote many times it made me rethink my anxiety and take a new perspective. hopefully the insight will inspire you as well. | "a man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears" | c4falr | this is the basis for act which is why it works really well if you keep following it's principles | anxiety | c4falr |
i grew up with bill watterson's funny-yet-brilliantly-insightful comic. re-reading the old stuff is great, but... i just miss it. | i miss calvin and hobbes. a lot. | 3p03f9 | watch steven universe, or adventure time, both of which are funny-yet-brilliantly-insightful animations. | sad | 3p03f9 |
i met a guy recently, a guy who's everything i've been looking for personality wise wrapped up in a super amazing body mixed with a great taste in music and i am convinced we should be together. only problem he is currently in a 3 year long relationship. i know i know i should just stop right there and give up but hear me out. we've hung out a handful of times now and the last time we got together it involved alcohol, me of course drinking more because i was nervous. at the end of the night through a series of questions i ended up telling him that i was really interested in him. and without any hesitation he said he felt the same and he thought that i was gorgeous. and then later in the car ride said he didnt do or say anything that he didn't mean. ever since then i cant help but get him off my mind. his friends have said he is unhappy in his relationship but he seems to be happy with her still. my question i guess is should i pursue him? he hasn't shown any indication that he is going to break up with her but he told me he liked me. i dont want to wait and then have him stay with her and me get screwed over but on the other hand i don't think i want to give him up. any advice helps, even if you tell me i'm stupid. thank you. | i'm in a sticky situation and don't know what to do. | 6buois | but guys, where's she gonna find someone with great taste in music? | relationship_advice | 6buois |
i want to travel to madeira in a few days. i know there was an outbreak of dengue in 2012 and there are aedes mosquitos. i'm a little woried, because my dad has only one kidney left. what would you advice? | dengue | 5hyq6c | "walking the levadas (ancient irrigation channels) can be challenging. choose only the ones that are suited to your own standard of fitness and experience. be prepared for narrow, uneven paths and heights. wear suitable clothing and walking boots. leave details of where you are going with your hotel reception and take your mobile telephone with you. better still, join a group of walkers and go with a guide. take extra care if it has rained as the ground may be slippery and unstable. check with your tour guide or local organiser that it is safe to visit before setting off." (uk fco travel advice). otherwise have a good time. | askdocs | 5hyq6c |
i'm a suicide line worker. i've been doing this for a long time and i was always able to leave everything behind the door and have a separate life from the suicide line. today i received a call from an 8 year old child who had just attempted suicide and didn't know what to do. they begged me to not call the ambulance. but i had to because they were hurt. it was a part of the protocol and i did my best. (**edit:** the reason why i called was because the child had already gone through their suicide attempt and needed immediate medical care. the ambulance is only ever called for this reason.) i cried and cried and cried. i never cried this much before at the suicide line. i think it was because hearing a small child's voice through the phone was so jarring. i can't imagine the horrors that the kid went through. people call the suicide line when they need help but i don't know where to go when i need help. i don't even know if i'm suited for this anymore because it shook me up so badly. i wanted to be a psychiatric nurse but i don't know anymore. their little voice will stay with me and echo in my head for years. for all of those who use suicide lines, this isn't a message to stop using them. but i'm human too and there are times like this that will stay with me forever. **edit:** it's hard to reply back to everyone on this thread but i want to let all of you know that i absolutely appreciate all of the kind words, love, and support that you guys have given me. thank you all so much. i am feeling better today, i spent some time talking to loved ones and just letting myself cry. i'll be speaking to my supervisor to just release more feelings and thoughts soon. i decided that i can either dwell on this forever or i can learn and sadly accept that this won't be the first or last time that a child was in this situation. i will continue to work towards my dream of being a psychiatric nurse too. lots of love <3 and please don't let this post discourage you from seeking help from the suicide line (1-800-suicide in many countries) because we're here to help. i hope you all live happy and fulfilling lives. | i'm a suicide line worker. i had a tough day. | 4i4atq | hey op. did your job ever teach you about self check? as part of my job i have done trauma interviews which as you can imagine can be pretty traumatizing and in turn bring on secondary traumas. my job never taught me about self check, but i learned about in one of my counseling psychology classes. self check is a way to destress your mind. after these rough calls check in with your self, see how you are doing. then try to do something that you enjoy that helps you relax. it doesn't really matter what you do persay (however i'd say stay away from depressants like drugs/alcohol/smoking) just do something that you enjoy doing to be able to bring yourself back to the happy medium. these things could range from running, outdoor activities, exercising, and even rewatching that episode of grey's anatomy on netflix that you really enjoy, what ever you like. also don't stick to just one thing, but have multiples and rotate through them. you don't want to necessarily negate all the stress to one activity, because then over time the activity will not be as beneficial to your self check. best of luck! :) | offmychest | 4i4atq |
ok so here's a question that i've always had and never got a solid answer for. i am f30 and have been in several variants of therapy (cbt, psychotherapy, psychodynamic / humanistic) since about age 26. so i'm going to try and keep this general as opposed to getting into the details of my specific issues because i feel like it might possibly be helpful generally. when you do cbt, particularly, you are asked to highlight so called intrusive thoughts. my understanding of it was phrased particularly well with a girl i knew who had severe ocd who had the intrusive belief that her whole family would die if she went to the dentist. ok so, seems straightforward. your family are not going to die as a result of you going to the dentist. re-work your thought patterns so that you reject that intrusive thought, as you know that it's not objectively true. this seems to be the case in all kinds of therapy, especially when you are asked to 'split up' the reality of what has actually happened from your feelings. e.g. (made up scenario) what happened: \- i applied for funding for my small business \- i was rejected from this funding. feelings \- i want to be a company ceo and i am not, therefore i am worthless \- x had achieved so much more by my age, they were already doing xyz, i am not as good as them and i never will be \- i have been rejected by this funding therefore the funding body does not think i am good enough &#x200b; it seems to me that the point of therapy is that when you write it all down, or talk about it, you are supposed to be alarmed and think 'of course that is illogical and stupid! i can't measure my self-worth like that, of course i have value as a person and want to be happy rather than holding myself to impossible standards'. then you start your whole 'intrusive thoughts' thought pattern rewiring etc. but my question is... what if you aren't shocked by how insane that all sounds? what if you objectively, rationally think it does make sense? you aren't as good as donald glover, for example, he has an insanely successful music career and has written and starred in his own critically acclaimed show. if your metric of success is donald glover, it is rational to think you are a failure and worthless. so, if your intrusive thoughts are not irrational, and you objectively don't see them that way, how are you supposed to think your way out of them? | so called 'intrusive thoughts' seem reasonable | gs5mna | >what if you objectively, rationally think it does make sense? you aren't as good as donald glover, for example, he has an insanely successful music career and has written and starred in his own critically acclaimed show. if your metric of success is donald glover, it is rational to think you are a failure and worthless. i'm just going to be frank, this is completely illogical. what if donald glover became ill or injured and couldn't perform? would he suddenly be worthless or a failure? aren't other people talented or worthy who have very different pursuits or interests? i have no idea who he is, so does that make my successes worthless? even if he is person 'a measure of success, it would make no sense to discount all other possibilities. it sound like you are accepting black/white and if_____then____ thinking. neither are productive. for example: if donald glover is your measure of success, then i am a failure. a healthier perspective: donald glover is very successful and i have other talents. black and white : a person is other a failure or success gray: there are a lot of possibilities in between success and failure. successful people have failures. a person can fail without being a failure . | askatherapist | gs5mna |
i'm an 18 year old 5'9" white male, and i'm currently not on any medications nor have i been on any in the past, aside from things such as ibuprofen and laughing gas. can baby shampoos, baby powders, oily skin (the oils coming from the skin), certain shampoos, strong sunlight, certain fabrics, high body heat, trapped body heat, certain lotions, certain creams, static, and humidity cause brain fog through interference with skin conductivity? i've noticed i get brain fog with these things, and i think it relates to my nervous system and skin conductivity. i've noticed certain senses become dulled. | brain fog, possibly relating to skin conductivity | 8eoa65 | that doesn't make much sense to me. nerve conduction isn't affected by skin conductivity. it is possible that you have a reaction to the various hygiene/cosmetic products that feels like brain fog, but that wouldn't explain why heat and humidity do it. being hot and humid often make people feel tired and not great, though. | askdocs | 8eoa65 |
so to make it brief, my ex and i split because she slowly started giving me less and less attention, she started to take an hour+ to respond to any messages and only responded with highly predictable messages (that were usually one to two words long). then she started to avoid any get together's with my friends, that's what set me off actually. i had some plans with my grandpa that got canceled last minute because he had to do something for his business, so when i told my friend that i'd be able to come she sent me a message that said- "as soon as i told -ex gf- that you'd be able to make it, she suddenly started to say that she didn't feel good and that she wouldn't be able to make it" this actually made me quite upset because i told her many times that i really wanted to be able to spend time with her, and each time she'd laugh and call me "thirsty". so then me and her got into a heated argument and i come to find out that she thought we had moved to fast (despite me telling her that she was the one setting the pace for our relationship because i didn't really care how fast we took it), which somehow made her lose interest in me? i told her i wasn't staying in a relationship in which i was the only one that cared about it and one thing led to another and we ended it. now i don't know really what to do or how to go about talking to new people as me and her had met in drama (which has now thankfully ended due to the semester change) and had a few mutual friends who basically introduced us. i don't know how to go about finding new people to talk to, or how to even really start conversation. | [16/m] not sure how to exactly recover from my break up | 5odnmw | just go slow. think of topics ahead of time to talk about. practice makes perfect. | relationship_advice | 5odnmw |
dude. seriously. you need to work on your anger problems. go talk to a therapist or go for a jog or something. start meditating. anything! there is no reason why someone your age should be so irrationally pissed off at people who are just as much a victim of "the system" as you are. your anger is based in ignorance and you sound like my grandmother the way you rant against the poor people taking all your hard-earned money. i tried to explain to you that the research shows your opinions are incorrect and your anger is misguided, but you didn't want to hear it. you said i was naive and idealistic. but i'm not. i'm not the one basing my argument on pure emotion. i can back up what i'm saying with actual data. there's just no reasoning with you about this. and how quick you were to get angry! holy fuck. you were practically yelling in the phone to me last night. i found the whole thing absurd and it seriously lessened my willingness to even want to continue this budding relationship with you. i don't need that shit in my life. i find anger like that to be gross and just a waste of time. it doesn't change a thing and only serves to stress you the fuck out. i have to end this before we go any further. spending time with you has been nice, and it's nice to have a new friend in my new home, but you are like a ticking time bomb of unexpressed anger. figure out what you're really angry about (probably your mom issues) and go deal with them. far away from me. *note: we've known each other for over a year but only just met less than a month ago. we've been friends for a while now and this is a huge surprise | such anger! holy fuck. i'm not sure if i even want to talk to you anymore. we've been dating for all of two weeks and this is a huge red flag. | 3fvo8n | anger against "the system" is so upsetting. if you don't like the system- change it or escape it. these people think there is nothing they can do. maybe there's not- that's the scary part. maybe they are too dumb, too complacent, to happy in their anger to change. hell, i *like* the system and i still moved abroad for a few years to get a new take on life. when people act so victimized i just think why don't you move somewhere more compatible with your beliefs? (because they like the anger, they'd have no one to blame, they're scared) or get into politics or something to help change it? (same reasons) | offmychest | 3fvo8n |
i would never commit suicide because of the guilt and regret that leaves behind, but existing is fucking hard. sometimes i find myself hoping for some terminal illness just to escape without anyone feeling personally responsible. is this normal, or am i just really fucking crazy? | dae wish for an incurable disease, just so they can die without guilt of hurting others? | edv9ai | a terminal disease would mean we are 100% blameless and a victim... the bpd dream. so yes, i understand that instinct entirely. but having realized the truth about why we might feel that way needs to make us say — whoa— wth, that’s disturbing and really learn to work and relate more healthfully. | bpd | edv9ai |
sorry in advance for the length of this post. kind of a vent/need advice. my boyfriend (23m) and i (22f) were friends for a while before we got into a relationship. he has 2 kids from 2 different mothers, from bad situations. the first mother went off her birth control without telling him, and the second mom supposedly could not become pregnant (haha). the fact that he has kids never really bothered me, however it is getting to the point where i feel like i can't deal with it anymore. i don't even know where to start! i am from a small suburban town, a primarily white and wealthy town. he is from an inner city nearby, and my parents have always considered him a lower class and therefore associated him with awful things: drugs, gangs, etc. i am caucasian and he is mexican-puerto rican mix. when we were friends, everything was fine, but we've been dating now for a year and a half. we moved in together in an apartment in my town, just the two of us with both of us working individuals. a month ago he lost his job, and now he puts in applications but nobody calls back. prior to that, he was out of a job for 4 moths, because i am his only means of transportation. i do feel like he uses me, but he's also my friend. my best friend. like i know i could spend the rest of my life with him, to have meaningful conversations that range from theoretical physics to the show friends. he's so smart, and a hard worker, but he's also lazy! i've discussed this with him, but nothing is really happening. i work a part time job and go to school full time, so i make barely enough money to get us by. it's really hard being a college student, paying rent, and for gas, and just bills! i'm stressed out of my mind! the added stress of taking care of him, his snake, his brothers dog, and occasionally his kid... i just don't know what to do! the worst part is that i realize he has to maintain contact with his childs mother, however she messages him with things like "i love you kevin" and he'll oblige by saying "i love you too suzie" even though he tells me he doesn't. when i've brought this up to him, he says the only reason he says that is to make sure he can see his son, and so that the mother doesn't harm herself. this is, to a degree, true because the mother has sent videos of herself to my boyfriend cutting herself and asking "is this what you like, kevin?" like it's f*cking insane! the mom has custody, and he has brought this up to the court, but they neglect this information. nuts, right? and i have no hope for this kid, or his mother because the mom is basically trash.. no job, smoking weed all the time, lives off the government f*cking every guy she sees type of b*tch. anyways, my most recent issue with him is that i don't know if this qualifies as abuse... the other night around 11:30 i was getting ready for bed and he wanted me to help him on this car (the project that has taken 2 years). i said no, because i'm tired and want to go to bed. then, he goes off on me, breaking glassware, kicking the garbage and then dumping the dogs water on me while i sat on the bed. he was outraged, and later he said that he felt neglected by me. redditors, i've never been treated that way in my life, and i have never been so scared. he's never hit me, and i've never been in a relationship where this was an issue. i don't know what to do. tl;dr: my boyfriend uses me, but he is my best friend. should i leave? | should i (22f) stay with my boyfriend (23m) if i feel like its borderline abusive? | 74362s | never stay with an abusive person | relationship_advice | 74362s |
like i've had this for a long time, it usually applies to casual friends or people i might know. if for say example during a sport they talk serious trash to me, or just joke about me in a way i don't like i start to obsess about it and don't like. i never know how to respond in these situations, i usually say something back but am always thinking like "wtf fuck this person why did they say that" basically how can i stop giving a fuck what people say or if they disrespect me, or how can i handle it better? thanks | it bothers me so much when someone doesn't like me, or disrespects me. i start to obsess about it | 3oavmw | have you thought about seeking therapy, especially with a cognitive behavioral therapist? helping you change your thinking patterns is kind of their thing. | socialskills | 3oavmw |
long story short i [25m] dated this girl [23f] for cuople of months, then at one point she started to act really bitchy around me to the point that she wanted became friends with benefits only, so i broke it off. i applied 30 day no contact rule because i was hoping for reconciliation but one night i saw her making out with our new neighbour (we live close to each other). it kind of ruined me. one month later she started showing interest again and we got back together. we started things slowly and she is really trying this time, but something seems off. it's like if i was over her but still with her? i was genuinely, stupidly in love with her first time around and even though i am glad that we are back together i cannot get myself to open up like this again. we talked about it and she also admitted that she is feeling "less" this time. is it normal with couples who were broken up? or is it that we get only one "honeymoon phase" ? please share with me your thoughts. | back together with her, feels different, "less" in general? [relationships] [no contact rule] [dating your ex] [rebound] [grass is greener syndrome] | 5s7hwr | sounds like you've both re-evaluated what you want and decided you're not as compatible as previously thought | relationship_advice | 5s7hwr |
hello, question regarding psychodynamic therapy: is it therapist job to reparent the client, provide secure attachement base, show the client they are lovable and provide corrective experience with primary attachement figure? i know it is the case for some other forms of therapy if this is what client needs. i.e. to talk to client in a way client should be talked to by parents. do psychodynamic therapist offer unconditional possitive regard or this is not the part of therapy and actually opposite: the therapist challenges the client and tells them sometimes critical and negative remarks about them? what about "therapeutic love" ? is it important that client feels this or not in this form of therapy? i am asking casue i have certain critique for my ex therapist but i realize that maybe i dont know enough about psychodynamic therapy to expect i.e unconditional possitive regard or that therapist is interested in my life in general and they express that. i read that freud described therapy as "die heilung durch die liebe" (healing through love) but my therapist tells me it is not nessesary for therapist to care so deeply and they can still have great results. i would appreciate information about the importance of the bond in this type of therapy. | idea behind psychodynamic therapy | gp5fst | unconditional positive regard is typically associated with rogerian/humanistic/person centered therapy. i am not familiar with "therapeutic love" and the "negative remarks" sounds more like perls. where are you getting your info about psychodynamic therapy ? | askatherapist | gp5fst |
my username is relevant. around 2009 is when i started noticing very a very unusual vibe from both my father and aunt. at every family gathering, i can feel the tension between them. the flirtatious looks and desperate attempts to touch each other has grown more more unbearable for me. the way my father talks to my mom is ridiculous and it affects the way i view my mother and my father. i cannot stand being near him while he is judging my mom for not being my aunt. i have mixed feelings about my mom, seeing her flaws while trying to justify why my father is betraying her and at the same time looking up to her and admiring how strong she is. i dont understand why i'm still able to have a normal relationship with my aunt. she considers me her best friend and i see her as a very close sister. i'm in a rut. i spend nights crying and beating myself up for not ending my mom's suffering, letting my father know how much i despise him for ruining my family and his marriage of 19 damn years. why would you do that to us. i loved you and you became this weak when things got rough. at the same time, i do not want to pop anyones bubble or be the one to actually ruin any peacefulness my mother or father has, and cause a divorce for spilling the beans. i just don't know what to do. i'm too much of a coward to confront anyone about this. my family means so much to me and i'm afraid of not making the right choice, whatever it may be. but, i can't keep it in. it hurts too much reading the romantic texts i have seen between them and seeing the pain in my mothers eyes when my dad is drunk beyond belief and the man she gave her life to is not even looking her in the eyes. i don't believe an emotional teenage girl should deal with this. i want advice before this takes a mental toll on me. if anyone has any input please, help. feel free to ask any questions. i'm aware i went off in a rant and i'm too confused and jumbled to communicate clearly and effectively. tl;dr i know my father is cheating on my mom and wife of 19 years, but i don't know what the right choice is. it's becoming too big of a problem for me to bear and i want something done about it. please help me. | [13/f] witnessed my father [36] cheating on my mom with her sibling [28/f]. it's tearing me apart and i don't know what to do. help? | 1h13o2 | two thoughts-- one, talk to a counselor about this and/or a close family friend. two-- you don't know what type of "agreement" your parents have in their relationship-- they might have an open marriage, they might be swingers, this might be their kink. i know that's not pleasant for you to think about, but if so many other people know, what makes you think your mom doesn't? | relationship_advice | 1h13o2 |
my [31/f] fiancé [33/m] and his family have been through a lot in a recent years with family illness and resulting financial pressure that has been handled poorly. and i mean very poorly. it is starting to drive me to my breaking point and i am terrified. they are living way beyond their means and are not making smart financial decisions. as a result of this, they have had to borrow several thousand dollars from me. at first, i didn't mind helping out, but this has grown into a never ending nightmare. between us, my fiancé and i bring in $100,000 (nj, usa) yet we are unable to save anything. not to mention the credit card debt that is rising with planning a wedding and such. we cannot even afford to live together as 100% of his income goes towards his family who he still lives with. my fiancé says if he was to cut them off completely they would be homeless. i understand helping family, but when do you draw the line if they are not even helping themselves. the wedding is in 8 months and he is the absolute love of my life.. but this terrifies me. it's not fair.. how do i let him know that i am having second thoughts about marrying into this? | marrying into financial stupidity | 5so6ju | if they are making stupid decisions, then you are enabling them by bailing them out. your fears are well founded. everything you earn will go to them unless you and your fiance are able to make firm decisions about saying no. | relationship_advice | 5so6ju |
i really don't want this to come off as a rant, but i don't know how else to put it. recently i've gone on a few dates trying to put myself out there and get no where to somewhere, they didn't fail miserably but they failed to the point where i knew a second date was pushing my luck. i feel as though when i first meet someone i am interesting and capable of a half decent conversation but as i get to know someone more i just fail. how do you keep conversations fresh and interesting? one of the girl's i went out with is in one of my classes, we still talk but its literally petty things that generally stay on-topic with the class we're in, nothing else. sometimes i just feel so stupid, it's painful sitting in silence because i have no clue what to say or talk about. the worse part is she's a genuinely interested girl that i can't even think of anything to spark a conversation. my problem isn't really related to nervousness or shyness, i've learned to not really give a f*ck, but that doesn't mean i have the ability to make conversation. it may play a part subtly that i may not be aware of but for the most part i am just clueless on what to say. i also gave up on the whole dating thing and tried something much simpler just making a friend, but this has failed miserably too. i'm usually alright for the first time meeting someone but then it just dies off quickly. the worse part ever is the friends i do have, are more so just acquaintances because we never really hang out because the conversation just dies out. this whole matter is painful to me, because i really wanna just be someone that can talk to anyone and be able to at least make friends. life is miserably boring, i spend hours mindlessly wasting time doing absolutely nothing because all i really have to do is study and work occasionally. i've read all these guides and watched numerous videos on "perfecting the conversation" or whatever you wanna call it. when it truly comes down to it are they really even that helpful? because i sure as heck haven't improved at all from checking them out and it's not like i'm not -trying- to improve. so i suppose my questions are, how do i keep the conversation fresh and interesting? how do i make conversations funny and not just baseline? is there a trick to improving your humor? am i really just socially retarded or is there a way i can actually improve my state? and whatever else you can possibly give advice on from stated above. with that, thank you for reading this..any response will be appreciated as i'd love to read something. | it seems as though i have hit the end of the road.. | 12yd7z | conversation, like any other skill, can be studied and practiced. so practice and study it :) watch movies and see what the charismatic characters do in conversation. read books on it. check out online resources -- this [guide to conversation](WEBLINK) is a good one :) edit: also, don't wait on making your life interesting. if you are bored with your life, change it. take up a new hobby. travel. volunteer. do something you've always wanted to do but never have. life is beautiful--go explore! | socialskills | 12yd7z |
i recently started seeing a therapist for relationship issues (basically i suck at maintaining an adult relationship). he had me do an exercise, write down what i "need" in a relationship. &#x200b; when i start doing this, i keep going back to 'want' and not 'need'. anyone else have issues with this? | need vs want conundrum | fd8vw1 | this is particularly tough for a lot of folks, especially if they've never really thought about it. i use this exercise with most of my clients that are dealing with unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, or even decent relationships but ones where communication could be improved. one way that i find helpful with clients is to discuss needs in terms of "deal breakers". for instance, some of my personal needs/deal breakers are the following: i need there to be no physical abuse - if my partner ever punched me or hit me with something in anger, even one time, that would likely be enough for me to end the relationship. i need my partner to not have any issues with hard drugs - if i find out my partner was addicted to heroin/cocaine/meth and somehow had been keeping this secret, upon finding out, the relationship would be over. i need my relationship to be monogamous and my partner to be faithful - any cheating, we're done. no if's, ands, or buts. i need a partner who shares the majority of the values that are important to me - wants to have kids, wants to maintain relationships with friends, is not religious or belonging to a church, is respectful of my relationships with my friends/family, a few more. i have some more but just wanted to give an example. i have countless wants. i want a partner who: like similar music, has a few shared hobbies, either likes or is willing to put up with my various obsessions: d&d, football, hockey, video games. someone who is vegetarian or is at least willing to eat mostly vegetarian at home (as i am). someone i can have intellectual conversations with, someone who isn't a neat freak, someone who enjoys good beer and whisky, someone my friends get along with, someone who can contribute financially nearly the same as me, someone who likes board games, someone who likes animals, etc. i could go on and on with this too. the key is that for the relationship to be a healthy one, you need to be honest with your needs/deal breakers and follow through with a break up if/when that line is crossed or have some plan such as (these are dealbreakers but if they occur and i haven't explicitly talked to the person about it, i'll have the discussion the first time it's crossed but after that it's set in stone and it's game over.) for a relationships to be healthy, you don't need to get all of your wants met all of the time. in fact, expecting that is completely unrealistic, even if it seems like your partner meets that during the honeymoon phase. so long as you have enough of your wants met enough of the time to tilt the balance between those and the things you don't like/want in favor of the positive while having all needs met, the relationship can be a healthy one. so long as this is the case for both partners. | askatherapist | fd8vw1 |
background: 23 year old male diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, irritable bowel syndrome so over the past 6 months or so i’ve noticed my mental state start to slowly deteriorate. i’ve noticed myself forgetting obvious things. like whether or not i texted someone back or forgetting to do a very important task at work. i’ve also noticed that i can’t multitask anymore. i used to be able to work on 2 or 3 things at work at once. ( i work in healthcare it). now i can’t seem to focus on one thing. my personality hasn’t really changed, but i do feel like i’m not myself. i told my doctor about this and he said stress can cause forgetfulness and add type symptoms. but i keep seeing that my conditions are worsening. can anyone give some input as to what i can do? | mental state feels like it’s deteriorating | aj6k30 | do you have a psychiatrist or did you just talk to your pcp? it is probably a good idea to seek a second opinion with a board certified psychiatrist if you don't have one as they go more in depth re mental health than pcps do. | askdocs | aj6k30 |
my name is michelle jamieson, and i am an mres research methods student at the university of glasgow. as part of the requirements of my course i am conducting an empirical research project this summer. my project is aiming to understand how individuals manage the impact of benefits sanctions on their mental health, and how this informs choices around care. if you decide to take part you will be asked to have a confidential, informal, private, face-to-face chat with me, of around 1 hour. if you have identified yourself as over 18 years of age, have a mental health condition, have experienced a benefit sanction, and live in the glasgow area, you can take part! i would be grateful if you would be willing to take part in my project, but you are under no obligation to do so. if you are interested in taking part please contact me on: 07918 785533 or 2160480j@student.gla.ac.uk | benefits & mental health | 6mmqiq | im a psychiatrist in glasgow! you wont find much luck on reddit - its very american-centric. | mentalhealth | 6mmqiq |
growing up i dealt with a very narcissistic father and a nasty divorce between my parents. i swore to myself i wouldn’t marry someone similar but now i’m worried that’s the case. my husband joined the army which i’m fully supportive of but i was just worried about his training.. i heard a lot of cheating ends up happening and sure enough he did it. (it was physical and emotional) i won’t get into details but his training ended early november, we got married shortly after and i found out about the affair in january. he’s since made it clear he wants to fix things and that he’s very regretful. i gave him many opportunities to split up but he refuses and wants to make things work. but all i’ve heard is just talk, i haven’t seen any action. any time he’s anxious or sad or anything, i’m always there and ready to support him all day and all night. i do whatever it takes to make sure he’s okay. but this isn’t reciprocated. whenever i have anxiety or depression, it either makes him anxious and i have to come out of my anxiety to help him or he just doesn’t comfort me hardly at all and just leaves me alone. when i bring up these issues to him, he turns it on me and says i don’t do enough for him. i’m almost at my breaking point and don’t know what to do. | relationship is feeling one sided. should i leave him or give it another chance? | 80xn80 | are you seeing an (individual) counselor? learning to identify and police your own boundaries is a big enough deal without betrayal in the mix. find someone to talk to. | relationship_advice | 80xn80 |
went to the gym to get a nice body, got a high maintenance haircut, got new nice fitting clothes, went to clubs and parties with friends to build my social skills, lowered my standards below zero, did this for months and months, sweat and effort every day. i always had a pretty face but now that i built myself to my full potential i looked amazing, every other girl i knew was showing interest in me. but i only felt confortable around this one girl. i'm 25, never had a girlfriend and i dont think she ever had a boyfriend neither. managed to get a date with her, we had cake, i told her my feelings and she just ran away. i did all of that for her, and it was all for nothing. months and months down the drain. i stopped caring about myself for around a month now, i cant get out of bed, i stopped eating and honestly i dont see myself recovering anytime soon. as soon as i realized she was gone from my life i lost all my energy, all my will to live. if even my best efforts are not enough to get me a girl like that, it only means i'm going to die alone **tldr : the lesson is, never try** | asked my crush out | 91wqom | it wasn’t for nothing. you tried. not all dating situations succeed. i can empathize. the guys i’ve liked don’t seem to like me back, not counting the ones who ghost me or stand me up, there have been a lot of those. just keep trying. you’ll find someone. | depression | 91wqom |
i’m 24f and have been self harming for 10 years. my new therapist asked if i self harmed recently and i told him yes, a few scratches, no suicidal intent. he then demanded that he see them and wouldn’t let me leave until he did. i started crying and he physically blocked me from walking out the door. my mom was in the waiting room. but he wouldn’t let me leave until i finally showed him all my cuts. is this normal? i feel so violated. | new therapist wouldn’t let me leave until i showed him my cuts? | d69r35 | no no no no. just no. | selfharm | d69r35 |
she's not married, she knows i am. we re good friends at work. i think she has a crush on me too, not a hundred percent sure, but either way i just need someone to tell me how to stop it. i can't stop thinking about her. i want to end it, so do i abruptly stop seeing her and just avoid her, or should i tell her i've developed a crush and that i have to back away for my marriage, so that she doesn't wonder why i just stopped being friends with her so suddenly? anyone? | i [34/m] am married, and have a serious work crush on co worker [f/31] | 5r2bu3 | if having contact creates inner discomfort, then stop | relationship_advice | 5r2bu3 |
my previous "therapist" was actually a psychologist training to become a psychotherapist. she was terrible at her job. is this normal for somebody to take a role of a therapist before finishing the certification? sorry if my wording seems weird, english is not my first language. | should somebody provide a therapy before finishing certification? | eo7vu7 | psychologists, social workers, counselors, etc are all required to provide a minimum number of clinical hours before they are licensed. in my state, it is 3000 clinical hours before you can sit for the lcsw exam. in order to learn how to help others, we all had to have the practice and experience to do it on our own completely. so yeah, its normal. i will say though, that not everyone makes a good therapist, even when they try really hard. plenty of therapists are licensed and may not be the best fit with their knowledge and experience for you. always take care of yourself and find another therapist if the one you have doesn't work for you. | askatherapist | eo7vu7 |
i never drank daily. but i did drink a lot, more than i wanted to admit. weekends were planned to accommodate drinking. even if i didn't have specific plans, i would never commit to getting lunch with my parents or siblings on saturday or sunday because i would probably be hungover. the drinking bled into the week, too. thursday, my partner and i would get mexican and margs after work, then go home and slam 4 more beers. sometimes this happenned on wednesdays too. i was always hungover on fridays, but that was ok because i could work from home, right? sundays were hangover days. the whole day would be spent on the couch recovering, eating shitty delivery dominos and painfully trying to sleep. if we weren't hungover, then we would meal prep for the week, while enjoying a few beers because why not? our friends liked to drink too. bar nights blowing $100 was common. if we went to someones house, we were getting fucked up and either staying the night or taking a $40 uber home usually. this had to be planned ahead of time because of the dog but sometimes we planned poorly. "lets leave the dog at home, it'll be a light night and we can drive home oh wait did someone say shots?" = the dog being at home by herself all night and morning the next day. or even if uber was the plan sometimes one or both of us would be too fucked up for that. this happenned more frequently than i like to admit. i love my dog. i browned out pretty frequently. would get to a point where i needed to go to bed and would get irritated and yell at my friends/bf. left my wallet in the uber, luckily the driver returned it. spent thanksgiving day incredibly hungover, puking in the driveway before going inside. puked in bar bathrooms. cried at friends houses. missed workouts. peed the bed. normal stuff right? one day, i woke up and realized i wasn't spending my time in a way that aligned with who i wanted to be. i started tracking my drinking via a habit tracking app in july 2017. the dark days = days i was 100% sober. i was drinking like 50% of each month. around april of this year is when i started actually making changes. i haven't completely stopped but i have tapered way down. i cant remember the last time i drank at home, and outside of vacations/weekend getaways, the times i have drank (like yesterday) i have had 1 or 2. i abstained through 4th of july parties, my sister's 30th at a winery, house parties, pool parties, dinners out with friends, etc. WEBLINK a few months ago is when i made the these lists: WEBLINK this was painful but necessary to acknowledge that even though i'm in my mid 20s and not drinking daily and successful professionally, my drinking habits were keeping me from being my best self. for anyone in the same boat as me.. you aren't alone | for those weekend bingers... | 9m5dc4 | thanks for sharing.. totally recognized myself there. iwndwyt :) | stopdrinking | 9m5dc4 |
age : 25 weight : 69.2 kgs race : european and middle eastern height 183.5 cms location : australia conditions >>>> asd/pdd-nos hypercalcemia (duration unknown - earliest detection was august 2012. possibly went unnoticed many years before that) bradycardia (lowest recorded was 37 bpm on a holter machine and typically settles around 40-48 bpm before bed). occasionally a very fast heart rate upon waking up in the morning (holter machine recorded 115bpm around 7:30am) no other known familial conditions apart from my father having haemochromatosis and my mother having lupus (and also two appendixes!) i'm due for genetic testing in a couple months but beofore that they are doing a final blood test : elecs, ca/phos, creat, urea, urate, gluc liver function test 24hr urine - ca+++ , creat pth vitamin d 25(oh) they already did half of these test on me several times but my vitamin d levels were a bit low (i used to be a complete shut in) but now that my vit d levels are much higher they want to do this final test on me before going ahead with genetic testing. last 24hr urine test resulted in a cc/r of less than 0.20 (0.19 i think) and with repleted vitd levels my endocrinologist seemed to believe it is fhh causing my higher calcium levels...(ionized calcium ranging from 1.34 to 1.39)...my pth levels ranged from 2.7 to 5.0 another reason they dont suspect primary hyperparathyroidism anymore is because my forearm bone density is far above average, particularly the 1/3 distal radius..which is 99% cortical bone. anyway, i'm a bit disappointed by lack of information on the web about this condition. i read as much as i can on it and some sources seem to contradict each other. at first i thought there is no way i could have fhh as not one single person in my family has high blood calcium but then i found out from my doctor and through my own research that the gene can mutate in an individual for the first time (how unlikely is that!?)...fhh occurs at rate of 1 in 78,000 people...that means i'd be one of 350 people in my own nation. okay my question is that i want to know if there's anyone on this forum with more advanced knowledge on this condition or has some experience in endocrine disorders. for the past 6 months or so this whole issue has been causing me a lot of stress/grief and even strained relationships. i just want some finality to this. so any information that someone on this board can supply to me would be very appreciated. thanks. edit : wanted to add that aside from postural dizziness (occasional) and the low heart rate, i am completely asymptomatic. no lethargy, fatigue and only my typical bouts of depression which i've lived with my whole life. nothing comes to mind that i can attribute to hypercalcemia. i do sometimes have prehypertension levels of systolic blood pressure, while my diastolic is below 70 most of the time. i did some research and i suspect it is 'spurious systolic hypertension'. i had an electrocardiogram, echocardiogram and a calcium scoring test done and everything looked completely normal. | familial hypocalciuric hypercalcemia | 8c6kib | i am not an expert, so my knowledge comes from medical school and what i've run into along the way (i think i've encountered one case; as you say, it's rare!), and i only found out because the patient mentioned it as part of providing medical history. that said, what i remember from medical school is being told that it exists, it's asymptomatic, and that it's mostly an oddity to remember because every once in a while high calcium is of no significance. spontaneous mutations do occur. rarely, but not never. these heritable disorders have to start somewhere, and you could be the one who just got unlucky. fhh is usually asymptomatic. it doesn't bother you and it doesn't increase risk of developing complications. if that's what you have, and genetic testing is from my limited knowledge the way to go, you have a weird fact about yourself that doesn't change your life in any way. (again, i have zero expertise here, but my i thought fhh *shouldn't* increase bone mineralization. again, the way to know is to continue with the workup, which you're doing. try not to worry too much about it—although easy for me to say, right?) | askdocs | 8c6kib |
every time i’m with a cute girl, idk what happens, i just get shy and choke up and end up not saying anything, one example is the other day i was on a raft with my family, she was with hers, we all got put on the same boat and i sat right next to her but just couldn’t gain the courage to say something, does anyone know how i overcome this shyness?!?!? | why do i always get shy around cute girls? | 8wln9r | practice, practice, practice. most folks are initially extremely uncomfortable around attractive members of the sex/gender they prefer. everyone has some level of fear of rejection. you just have to force yourself to push through the anxiety and talk whenever the opportunity arises. it will feel like hell, you may embarrass yourself a bit, but if you do it, you'll get better. if you don't force yourself to push through the anxiety, it will just get worse over time. i used to have pretty severe social anxiety, especially around crushes. trying to repeat the statement to myself "doing something and embarrassing yourself is much better than doing nothing at all." | socialskills | 8wln9r |
i want to ask my doctor for anxiety medication. i was thinking of asking him about buspar. is it a good choice? the wikipedia site makes it sound perfect, but maybe it's inaccurate. i don't like benzodiazepines because they make me tired, and many antidepressants have tons of common side effects and you have to try many. buspar sounds great though. is it as good as it sounds? f, 38, 125 pounds, 5'5", midwest usa, diagnosis =pots, medications = adderall, trazodone for sleep, florinef. thanks! | is buspar/ buspirone a good anti anxiety medication? | 8dirsn | in short, a qualified yes. it's much, much slower to work than benzos, much more like ssris. you can't take it for acute anxiety, you have to have let the effect build up. (although like ssris, it's not the drug itself that builds up in your system.) it has multiple times a day dosing, which is annoying. it has few side effects, though. gi ones are the most common, but i've never had anyone complain about buspirone. it doesn't always work, but there's little reason not to at least give it a try. | askdocs | 8dirsn |
i broke up with my girlfriend earlier this week because my girlfriend (23) of 4 months made me feel repeatedly uneasy. i (22) tried to speak openly and plainly about the way her actions made me feel and throughout each instance she was able to convince me to reconcile with my anxieties but only for the moment. here are the red flags: 1)she tells me she loves me for the first time while she is hammered at a wine tasting event, at that same event flirts with the server and gets a free wine glass 2) i pick up her and her friend from a girls night out at a bar- she gets in the car laughing and clapping and excitedly exclaims she "even got his number!". when i asked her about it the next morning she got upset and said it was nothing. 3) christmas vacation - she lives in philly and hits up her ex boyfriend to take of her cats while she's away for a few days; she meets up with him at a bar and they have dinner and drinks alone 4) ex boyfriend invites her out to kareokee at a bar a few nights after they go out and also suggests she stay the night if she gets to drunk and she considered it. 5) she deleted her text messages with her ex boyfriend from before the new year of 2017, after she said she didn't care if i saw the texts between them. 6)i'm going to the army and whenever i ask direct questions about how comfortable she is with the commitment she says she "doesn't know how she will react but believes it will work out" 7)she keeps in contact with a neighborhood friend [male, 30] she fell in love with when she was 15 or 16. she always made me feel like it was my fault for being insecure but are these signals good reasons for me to feel overbearingly so? she also had a shady past with her roomate [female 23] who would not talk to her anymore because of a situation involving her and ex and my ex. there always seemed to be secrecy and a lack of transparency even thought she said she wanted the same things as me. her actions didn't add up. i appoligize if this is like word vomit but i feel it will be easy to look at the information i've put thus far and make a judgement without including a lengthy bio. i miss her and i'm afraid i've lost her but i know i made the right decison. just looking for others opinions i guess. edit1: just some more details for you all - she did shut me down when i would try to discuss my feelings in a number of ways; she didn't want her roommate to hear, or she just didn't feel like discussing it because we kept -and this is another red flag- repeating the same arguments, or -another red flag- she was too tired and drained and it triggered her anxiety. when i did have an oppurtunity to voice them she would just say okay and mhm and she would try to reasure me nothing was wrong without plainly speaking about what was going on and what her intentions were, it always felt like something was amiss. another story for example: after the new years (after she had told me she would be a perfect girlfriend and make things better since the ex bf situation) there was an art auction in philly. she expressed interest and i was like cool. then she slips in the "oh and i was invited by my ex's best friend". so i ask a few questions and it turns out he was going to be there selling art. she did not make that clear at first. she eluded to it and waited for me to ask questions - as if to gauge or test me. that did not feel good and as i tried to probe her about it she shook me off as if nothing was wrong even though i clearly expressed concern about the relationship between them two. it was like she cared about my feelings as a person in general but did not care enough to do something about them, like putting my feelings first. i cannot and would not ask her to change in that way for me which is why i ended it. i was really upset at first because it seemed like she wanted to try to make it work but it just didn't make sense and my gut feeling was screaming at me also thankyou to the people who replied and spent the time to read my post. sometimes i need to discuss my thoughts and i dont have a whole lot of people who i can trust to talk to - and i need variety. it's just the diplomatic side of me but thanks anyway to you all edit 2: thanks everyone. it's easy on the ears to hear all of that, i know i'm not crazy. of course it's never easy to break up with somebody you love so i'm psychologically dealing with that right now but i do believe it was for the best. | broke up with girlfriend over these red flags; was i justified? | 5pbabv | absolutely. i wish more reddittors were as astute as you at reading/seeing red flags and taking action. i'm a therapist; the biggest problem out there is passivity. good for you my friend~ | relationship_advice | 5pbabv |
edit: maybe i should explain my version of “great” i struggle with racing thoughts, not finishing projects, and almost ignoring other things around me just because i’m stuck in my own mind but i was at a real estate seminar, and was able to focus on the speaker the entire time & took way better notes. retained more information etc rather than having a thought come in, me thinking about that thought for 10 minutes (missing the last 10 minutes) and then moving on before finishing the first 10 minutes | i took an adderal for the first time, and i felt f******** great. how do i tell my dr i want to go away from serotonin? | enowhb | and thats the problem with these types of drugs... whether you need them or not they feel great! no harm speaking to your doctor but if youre looking for evidence based treatment that actually leads to recovery then you might need to defer to your docs opinion on the type of treatment that sould be considered for you, which may or may not involve amphetamine salts. | mentalhealth | enowhb |
so just a little backstory, my parents are divorced and both remarried, i am saving money by living with my mom and step dad while going to college(freshman) and my dad/stepmom live an hour away. i should also mention that my dad took money out of my college fund in order to buy me a vehicle, after selling the vehicle when i bought a newer one, he never put any money back and instead used it to pay off his own debt, thereby stealing the money meant for the furthering of my education. now on to where i need some help. my dad and stepmom always hounded me to get a job and good grades, granted i was bad at finding jobs and keeping them, i am now working full time during the nights and taking one class on the weekends in order to pass, as i have failed it twice. due to my hectic schedule of working nights, sleeping during the day, and working on class work during the days i’m not working or in class, i have not been able to visit my dad. i was supposed to visit this past weekend but i had to work an additional day during the week which gave me one day to work on a major assignment worth 1/4 my entire grade, due to this i was unable to make the drive. a few hours into the night, around 7 pm, i received several text messages from my stepmom who has verbally abused me in the same manor, i will attach them. while i know no one knows the full story but me and my family, i don’t really know what to do and how to carry on with my relationship towards my father and stepmom. any advice or kind words would be appreciated. this gave me a major anxiety attack that night because it just hurt in general. [text messages](WEBLINK) | emotional abuse giving me anxiety problems | 9qak69 | i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i read the texts and that person has serious issues. i can smell bullies out and she is one. no one deserves to be treated that way. don’t internalize what she says about you. she’s a bully and her words reflect her, not you. i’ve worked with clients whose parents have treated them in similar and worse ways. it is not your fault. sounds to me like she’s projecting onto you. | anxiety | 9qak69 |
i'm about six weeks into therapy (first attempt) for my anxiety and depression, and my therapist and i have decided to work the cbt route. the basic idea is easy enough: identify wrong thoughts, reject them, replace, and retrain. simples. does someone have experience with how i go about the reject and absorb new thoughts parts? i try to be as open as i can about the therapy, i really want it to succeed. but the bad thoughts are *the* framework my world rests on, and it all makes sense and is logical and empirically verified. to absorb alternative thoughts seems fake af and i feel like i'm deluding myself into this new sunshine world. any pointers, has someone been there and conquered it? so thankful for input. | depression and cognitive behavioral therapy | 3mvfhk | the thoughts are not 'wrong'. better to think of them as 'distorted' due to cognitive biases such as overgeneralization or magnification (focusing intensely on some aspects of the environment while ignoring or minimizing others). you don't reject your thoughts so much as try to correct them. you look for the information you were not focusing on before but was there and create a more balanced view that reflects all of it not just some of it. if you think about it this way you may feel less like you are falsifying things | depression | 3mvfhk |
sorry if this is a no duh sort of question and i'm just being dumb, i'd just really like to know what other people on here think about it. 😄 | can anxiety be mistaken as or even cause anger management issues? | 9tnqal | i wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a link. it depends on how people express themselves. people who have trouble expressing feelings may hold it in, while others may lash out. one of my clients was being abused by his girlfriend and i suspected some form of anxiety in there. | anxiety | 9tnqal |
i have a few tics, i make the same noise occasionally throughout the day. i fully open my eyelids and roll my eyes. i also fully flex my fingers sometimes. a few years ago i sometimes moved my head up before returning it to its natural position. there's no rhythm to this but i can stop myself from doing them. do this sound like a case of tourette's? | i'm starting to suspect i have tourette's but i'm not really sure | 55irez | not really (though possibly a transient tic disorder), but i don't know you well enough. any relevant medical history like adhd or ocd? [tourette's](WEBLINK) | askdocs | 55irez |
i keep trying hard to quit and face-planting. this is years of this, and, ultimately, i see now i’ve chipped away at my problem bit by bit, but i’ve seen to have plateaued. i quit cocaine maybe a year and a half ago and have relapsed maybe only once of twice within the past 6 months. alcohol, however, has been more difficult. i can’t seem to shake an every other day habit and i drink until i sleep and i start after work. i took on another job and two side jobs and somehow i find time still. i’m facing two deadlines suddenly that i don’t know if i’m capable of meeting because of alcoholism. i feel like this is a good, but flawed strategy. i feel most vulnerable when driving sense i justify it as “i’ll have one and take a leak and leave” which, as you know, is not the case. recently i went out past 11pm for no reason, which kind of has me alarmed. i feel like there’s a part of me that’s afraid of going sober. should i prioritize mental health or alcoholism? i feel like it’s a chicken and the egg thing. i did really well when i was regularly going to the gym but i literally don’t have the bandwidth at this point. | advice for someone who has tried many times in the past. | c4xipl | hard to address mental health before alcoholism. really you can’t even accurately diagnose anything to do with mental health when there is active alcoholism involved. you can definitely address them both at the same time, but depending on what we are talking about mental health wise, alcoholism is primary in most cases. i would be remiss if i don’t suggest aa. it has worked wonders for many despite a lot of people’s resistance to it. 9 times out of 10 when i meet someone who is happy and content in long-term sobriety, they are involved with aa. | alcoholism | c4xipl |
short version: my mother (59, 110lbs, jewish) lies in a hospital bed beside me. she is sleeping but may be in a coma for all i know at this point. a nasogastric line is delivering some nutrition. her legs are bent at the knee, pulled up towards her chest, pointing left. pt cannot determine whether her muscle movement is voluntary or spastic. i've posted about her several times now. her decline began four months ago with achy joints and a sore throat. now we've arrived at this unfathomable state of affairs. no diagnosis. the doctors' best guess is some type of prion disease. she did test negative for the protein that would indicate the presence of vcjd, but we are going to proceed with a brain biopsy asap. curious if anyone has any experience dealing with this procedure (doctor or patient perspective) and may have any insight on what to expect (i.e. how long of a hospital stay may this require?) for more info on my mother's case, please continue with the story below. thanks in advance to anyone who can offer any insight. ************************************* extended version: back when she initially got sick in june, her primary initially thought it might be lyme and prescribed doxytricycline, but she quit the course before it was through because she felt it was causing side effects. she then requested a different antibiotic because she didn't feel any better, and her doc prescribed a 10-day course of levaquin. she had also developed a terrible dry cough, and complained of brain fog. lost her appetite and developed tremors in her hands. ended up in the hospital for four days. after all testing came back normal, they released her and told her to get some rest. there was speculation then that the root may have been psychiatric exhaustion. she spent the following week mostly in bed with little appetite, complaining of a brain fog she couldn't shake. she became increasingly exhausted, unable to interact for longer than 10-15 minutes before having to lie down. a slow neurocognitive decline followed. conversations were beginning to trail off into odd disassociation. she was hospitalized again a few weeks later when it seemed she was really beginning to slip away, less responsive all the time. this time for 12 days. she continued to decline into a stretches of near-vegetative states. increasingly non-verbal. (significant side note: at one point during her stay, they discovered a bad uti and treated her with antibiotics. i saw her the following morning, and like a miracle, she had returned to her body. i cried tears of joy. my mother was back! we spoke clearly and honestly. she described it as if she'd woken from a dream and had no recollection of the previous days. this window of lucidity only lasted a few hours. by the next morning, she was gone again to a far away place.) she had tons of blood work, radiology, and two lumbar punctures. still no diagnosis. she was unable to void urine on her own and had a foley catheter put in. my stepfather brought her home, hoping a return to a comfortable setting would have a positive effect. the first day, she was mostly catatonic. but by day two, she was speaking again. not lucid. but speaking. they took walks. she was eating and drinking more. a week and a half later, she declined again. unable to chew the food in her mouth. on tuesday 10-17, we took her to the er. now she's here. unconscious. nasogastric tube up her nose. her mind may be completely gone by now for all i know. a brain biopsy should be happening soon. perhaps another brain mri beforehand. some family members have been insistent in their belief that this is lyme despite all tests for it returning negative. now, their best guess is prion disease. we are devastated. we keep looking back to a week or so ago, longing for even that severely reduced level of cognition. not having a diagnosis makes it all the worse. please share my mother's story. it isn't over yet. we need help. sincerely, eight track | facing a brain biopsy for my sweet mother. (desperately looking for hope/help) | 77iolp | sorry to hear this. has she had an eeg or spect scan by any chance? | askdocs | 77iolp |
i would very much appreciate some advice. approx. 5 years ago i noticed that my mother was drinking secretively and i spoke to her about it. she said this was true and that she would stop. i didn't tell anyone else other than my partner. the process of me noticing the secret drinking, mentioning it to her and her saying she will stop has repeated about five times since. i quite recently told my sister, though my mother asking me not to do so. my sister has spoken to her about it, having found a few empty booze bottles hidden. my sister and i recently spoke to her together over the phone and we said she needed to tell my father or we would do it. she's refusing, giving a lot of excuses but none that seem any good to me (she thinks it will damage the relationship, he will feel so upset and guilty, things are so good with the two of them and this will spoil it, the secret drinking is in the past as she definitely won't do any more as our speaking to her like this has been a big deal and she and hasn't drunk secretively for four months and will only drink once a week and never secretively...). she's desperate for us not to tell him and wants me to trust her that she's stopped. the situation is complicated by the fact that i live at the other side of the country and cannot tell how much she has really changed her behavior or if she has just altered it on the occasions when she's with me. i don't know what to do. i've seen her getting a bit drunk in a sad, angry way during public drinking too. i haven't seen this for several years, but i spend so little time with her in person that this doesn't tell me much. she is literally begging me not to tell and i do think it's possible that my sister and i making a big deal out of it and threatening to tell my father has shocked her, and she may stop it. but it's so hard for me to monitor if she is doing it, i don't know how much of problem she has and if i'm enabling it and making it worse by keeping the secret or actually if it's not much of a problem, and i don't like keeping this secret from my father. i have no idea if she's an alcoholic. is she asking me to keep a secret in a way that would be weird for most families? what's normal? is it important that i tell my father? thanks. edit: things people have said i should address in this post: my dad is not against alcohol and drinks it. as far as i know,she has not in the past been found to be an alcoholic - but idk. as far as i know, this habit is not damaging her financially. the reasons she wants to hide it are imo: she uses it as a way of controlling unpleasant emotions - she says this is the case. she doesn't tend to share these emotions and reaching out for support - i think she has a low sense of self-worth and often doesn't believe how much people love her and how much it is fine for her to ask for support. she's instinctively scared of showing these emotions. she also feels my dad has been practically and emotionally unavailable, particularly in the past, so this way she has 'sorted out the emotions' without involving him. she likes to present an image that she is just fine so drinks in secret. she is secretive about other things too eg problems in her life. if she is an alcoholic, i think she is a 'functioning' one. | mother drinking secretively. should i tell my father? | 5245mt | i'd be inclined to say something. id rather alcohol dependant individuals recognised the consequences of their actions and subsequently think about changing their behaviours than becoming complacent and dying of all sorts of hideous complications. edit: im an addictions psychiatrist. this is a women who should be in my services. | needadvice | 5245mt |
i'm 22 years old (m) and struggle with confidence. this, in turn, has caused paralyzing anxiety and depression. i'm (evidently) an attractive guy, and don't have a problem meeting or hitting it off with girls. however, when i pick up on my legitimate chances to be intimate, i freak out and find a way to bail. now, i basically avoid situations altogether where there's a chance i might have sex, and the effects have been awful. this is a throwaway account, so i can/will go into further detail if necessary. i'm determined to beat this however it takes. | 22 (m) avoiding sex because of inferiority complex/fear. what kind of therapy/therapist should i go to? | 68nv1p | find any great one psychologytoday.com has a directory | relationship_advice | 68nv1p |
i’m 22 and pretty socially awkward, i find it difficult to talk to new people, especially girls who i find attractive. as a result of this, my romantic life is non existent, and sometimes i have times like now where i can’t sleep and start getting kind of upset about it, like some of my friends in relationships are so happy and i just don’t seem to be able to do any of it. figured a pretty basic starting point is talking to girls in general rather than “how do i get a gf”. any advice appreciated | how can i speak to girls | diwmo3 | take up some social activities. take a class, learn a new hobby, go to some events for things you enjoy. you will meet people more naturally there because you'll have something in common to talk about. know yourself. what do you like? what's important to you? what do you do with your time? what would you like to do? if you can't answer these questions, it's going to be hard to make conversation with others because, well, how can they get to know you if you don't know yourself? people who are very insecure in their own identity and personality often have trouble with relationships, either by isolation or getting into unhealthy relationships, because they let others decide who they are - and that can get dangerous or just make you miserable trying to please everyone. explore some things that interest you, to work on yourself, to pursue something that you want to improve. if you can do this, you will be more confident and sure of yourself, and you'll have better ideas of what to say to new people. once you can introduce yourself (and be confident in yourself) - start asking about them. most people do like talking about themselves, just don't interrogate obviously. ask about things they enjoy, goals they have, interests you share. | advice | diwmo3 |
i have been taking citalopram for about 5-6 years now at varying doses 20-40mg and was wondering what the long term effects of taking an ssri are. also, is it possible to start developing side effects after taking the medication for an extended period of time? thanks for your help! | what are the long term side effects of taking ssris? | 5118in | long term effects vary, but thankfully nothing sinister. compare the risks of being on an ssri and having untreated depression - which is definitely high risk for both mental and physical health. | askdocs | 5118in |
i have a question. i've heard answers that go both ways, but i'd like to know if marijuana aggravates ptsd or not. any personal experience or article references would be appreciated. also, if you use marijuana to help with ptsd, if you were to stop using it, how would this affect ptsd compared to the time before beginning to use marijuana. thank you. | does marijuana use aggravate or alleviate ptsd? personal experiences and/or research both welcome. | 1jraik | from an academic standpoint: * [posttraumatic stress disorder and cannabis use in a nationally representative sample.](WEBLINK) this article simply examines the prevalence of cannabis use in people diagnosed with ptsd. it found that there is a significant relationship between ptsd diagnosis and lifetime and past year cannabis use. * [marijuana use and panic psychopathology among a representative sample of adults.](WEBLINK) examines the link between cannabis use and lifetime prevalence of panic disorder and panic attacks. quoting directly from the abstract: > lifetime marijuana use also was significantly associated with an increased risk of current (past-year) panic attacks; however, this relation was not significant when controlling for nicotine dependence. lifetime marijuana use was significantly associated with increased odds of a lifetime diagnosis of panic disorder as well as a current (past-year) diagnosis of panic disorder. current (past-year) marijuana use was significantly associated with both lifetime and current panic attacks, but not current or lifetime panic disorder. this suggests that cannabis use aggravates panic related disorders. while this study didn't take ptsd into account, it opens a door to new research; the hypothesis being that, as cannabis aggravates panic response, it would not be very successful in dealing with ptsd symptoms. | ptsd | 1jraik |
i need to try therapy but every time i call someplace they have no appointments, won’t take new patients. it’s way too expensive, i have to wait a few months. i need something/someone now. can someone please advise where can i go or what can i do? | how to start therapy? | ezvgi9 | pretty hard to advise unless we know where on this planet you're living on. every country has their own systems in place for accessing psychological therapies. | mentalhealth | ezvgi9 |
i went to a social distancing party last night and got black out drunk. i mean, i was already wasted when i showed up and then proceeded to drink all the drinks. i was a hot mess and ran my mouth off to a near and dear friend. he reacted very angrily. literally yelling in my face. i started crying, apologizing over and over. repeating myself like a drunken fool. my fiancé pulled me out of the party and drove me home. he yelled at me the entire way home. both men are really reasonable, kind people. i must have said something unbelievably bad for both of them to react that way. i don’t even know what i said... i’m so incredibly embarrassed this morning. i’m hungover as hell and the shakes are already starting. i’m so mad at myself. i was doing so good with my drinking and now here i am sitting in my car, trying to decide if i should force myself to be productive or go find mimosas somewhere. why do i do this? i don’t get it. i know alcoholism and addiction are diseases but i can’t help but feel i’m choosing this. i chose to pick up the bottle last night. i chose to continue drinking. i’m making a choice now of what my day is going to look like. i keep thinking it’s going to get better and i keep choosing bad decisions. i don’t know why i’m posting this. i don’t know if i need support, harsh words, to be told it’s going to be ok... i just know i need help. i can’t do this anymore edit: you all have been so kind and non judgmental towards me. thank you so much ❤️ i hope you all have a great (and sober) labor day if you’re in the states. if not, have a great weekend! | i fucked up last night | in35ql | a lot of people are saying it is a choice for the first drink, which can be true. but the big book says there comes a time where we lose the power of choice in drink. i 100% agree with this. we can white knuckle for so long, but eventually we are powerless over taking that first drink without some form of recovery that results in a dramatic change in our thinking and feeling. if you’re not familiar with alcoholics anonymous, i would encourage you to read the doctor’s opinion in the beginning of the big book. it speaks to exactly what you’re talking about. the mental obsession is what you are talking about. it does not matter how strong our love is for someone, how much we have to lose by picking up the first drink, or how catastrophic the results might be if we pick up, it is still not stronger than the mental obsession to pick up in untreated alcoholism. it will win out eventually every single time. when we think it is as simple as a choice that made us pick up, we invite more guilt and shame and leave us wondering what the hell is wrong with us and that we are a bad person or an immoral person. that mental obsession has to be arrested or at least significantly diminished. the only way i have ever been able to do that is through alcoholics anonymous, though i know many people who have been able to do it through other means. the key is that we need to be free from that obsession. however we go about that, it needs to ultimately produce that entire psychic change where our thought patterns are completely different from those when we were drinking. for me, the mental obsession originated from the relief i found in alcohol. it provided me instant relief from whatever i was feeling; whether it be feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, irritable, stressed, jealous, depressed, anxious, bored....whatever it is. it’s a feeling of what the big book called restless, irritable, and discontent (rid). when i try to stop drinking with will power without doing any work on myself or my recovery, all i have done is taken away my solution to the rid i live with day in and day out. therefore, all i am left with is that rid, with no solution to find relief from it. i can will it, or white knuckle it, for various lengths of time and try to fool myself into thinking i am better, but it is definitely only a matter of time before i am going to pick up a drink to get that instant relief i need, regardless of the consequences. that is why the key for me is a program of recovery that address the rid, or feelings of rarely or never being okay in the present moment or in my own skin. when i find something that addresses that rid effectively, the mental obsession is either arrested or easily managed when it does pop up. the program of recovery that has worked for me is the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous. please don’t hate yourself for continuing to make the same mistake of picking up that first drink. without that psychic change, we will get to the point where we actually have lost the choice in whether we pick up or not. the key is to find the program that works for you to produce that psychic change. | alcoholism | in35ql |
(more background [here](WEBLINK) if you want, but i'll summarize the essentials in this post). i see a monumental task ahead of me. you'd be safe in describing me as your typical shy, introvert. i spent most of my life perusing solitary activities. when i wasn't studying for school, which took up most of my free time (it did pay off though), i was usually practising martial arts, reading books, gaming, or learning about photography (my new hobby). none of these activities are very social, and i didn't get out much. to keep this short, my social skills aren't where i want them to be and my relationships with women are non-existent. i've resolved to begin taking steps now so that i'll have a chance to reinvent myself, starting with the college summer school program that i'm starting in a few weeks. so far: * i'm working on my depression and self-esteem issues by reading [intimate connections](WEBLINK). * i'm working my social skills by reading the classic how-to guide [how to win friends and influence people](WEBLINK) and by reading [this website](WEBLINK). * i've decided to join a few clubs/student groups in college, starting with the various martial arts groups and photography groups (so that i can get formal training) and working from there. anything else that i should be looking at or work on? thanks. | i'm a highschool graduate trying to reinvent himself for college. what do i need to know? | utk4z | hey! i'm the author of [improve your social skills](WEBLINK) so i figured i'd poke my head in and add my two cents (although you've gotten a lot of great advice already.) feel free to ask me any follow up questions you have, either about my comments or in general. you can dm me or contact me through the improve your social skills website. * don't think "reinvent yourself" so much as "grow yourself." it's certainly possible to completely reinvent yourself in college; nobody knows your past and nobody is putting expectations on you, so you can be whoever you want. however, if you're not true to yourself, then ultimately your life is not going to feel satisfying. don't pretend to be someone you're not, even if it seems like that would offer a shortcut to social acceptance. figure out what your values are and stick with them. but of course, college is a time for change--that's where the growth portion of it comes in. so you should be trying new things, and it's ok for your beliefs and your behavior and etc to change and mature. but the new things that you try should feel good and natural. you might not be good at them at first, but there should be a sense of "yeah, i like that!" and the changes to your beliefs should come from inside you--your beliefs should change because you genuinely believe something else is true, not because it's convenient to be someone else. * with that in mind, you should seek out opportunities for growth. and growth is going to look different for different people. for some folks, growth might look like learning to hunker down and study. for you, growth might look like learning to like yourself, and learning to be comfortable being yourself with others. spend some time thinking about "where do i want to grow?" and be deliberate to seek out opportunities for that growth, whatever that looks like for you. be open to changing the areas you want to grow, since as you mature your growth priorities will naturally shift (maybe at first you will want to grow to be comfortable socially, but then down the road you will want to experience growth in growing deep friendships instead of superficial acceptance.) * on the note of deep friendships versus superficial friendships, it is much better to have a few friends who really know you and care about you than to be the life of a party. having everyone likes you feels good in the moment, but it's not satisfying. what people want deep down is not just to be accepted, but to be understood and known and to be accepted anyway. plus, if you let yourself chase after the acceptance of the crowd, it will be hard to avoid changing yourself into a person that the crowd likes but that is not true to you. instead, seek friendships where you can be fully yourself, and where you can be accepted and loved without needing to change or hide who you are. * i strongly recommend that you seek out students who are struggling to fit in. if there is a kid that is sitting alone in the cafeteria, **eat lunch with him.** everyone deserves friends, and by taking the initiative to befriend someone sitting alone, you might be able to really encourage them. plus, a lot of time the loners are the people who will be your best friends, because they never learned to play the superficial games of the crowd, so their relationships are deep. * on classwork, i recommend against taking a heavy courseload your first semester. adjusting to college is **hard**, and juggling a heavy courseload when you're making that adjustment makes your life way harder than it needs to be. if you have a light courseload your first semester, then you have a lot more time and energy to make relationships, explore clubs, and become comfortable with the college life. you have the rest of your time at college to load up on classes; don't start that your first semester. * on the girl front, i could write an awful lot (and i have--did you read the improve your social skills dating guide?). but there's two things that are the most important. first, dating will not make you happy, it will not take away your loneliness, it will not solve your problems, and it will not turn you into a man. dating is a wonderful experience, but the girl you're dating is just another human. she doesn't have the magic power to fix your life, and if you put the full weight of curing your loneliness on her, your relationship will quickly become clingy and unhealthy. with that in mind, **focus on getting yourself in a healthy, positive place before you think about dating**. have a community of friends who care about you and who will help you if you're feeling down. get support for your self-esteem and depression issues; you don't need to be perfect in those areas, but you should be stable. dating should be a thing that is added on to a good life, not something that makes your life good. if you're not there yet, wait to date--even if a great girl comes along. if she's really the right girl for you, she'll understand that you're not ready yet. second, dating is a huge responsibility. when a girl entrusts her heart to you, she is giving you the power to really, really hurt her. and if you're not careful, you'll do exactly that. so be careful. talk with her a lot, and make sure that she feels the freedom to share with you how she's feeling. put physical boundaries in place, and don't rush into physical intimacy. encourage her to pursue her friendships and other things that make her happy and grow her--even if that means she spends less time with you. bottom line, when you are dating, **make your top priority the long-term good of the girl.** don't ask yourself "what would feel good for me in the moment?" ask yourself "a year from now, what would this girl have wanted me to do here?" * i'll echo the comment of many other people---get counseling. it's not a shameful or bad thing; it's just some extra help to make sure that you are in a healthy place. * finally, it's ok if you don't have everything planned out at this stage in your life. you're going on an adventure, and there are going to be some surprises along the way. that's natural and that's ok. make a plan, seek the things that will give you growth and joy, but be ok with not having everything figured out. just enjoy the ride :) | socialskills | utk4z |
sometimes during episodes i feel like i don't know anybody around me. even if it's my fiance and his family i still feel like i don't know them and that i need to be somewhere else with familiar people, but at the same time i dont know where i need to be. it's a shear panic feeling that i get. it feels like my whole world is crumbling beneath me and that everyone is a stranger. i'm sorry if that doesn't make much sense, but the feeling is nearly indiscribable and i did my best. does anyone else get this way? | i have this weird thing that happens during episodes and i'm becoming afraid nobody else experiences this? | 9fguz1 | look up depersonalization as a form of disassociation. it sounds more like disassociation from the way you described it but i have also run into that form of expression of depersonalization where you cease feeling like you are an actual person to some extent. | bpd | 9fguz1 |
i started therapy for the first time a couple months ago and am having difficulty figuring out whether i've yet to make any progress because it is still too early or because i'm working with the wrong person. i've been told that 'fit' is very important for successful therapy and that i should look for someone new if the fit isn't right. i don't dislike the therapist i currently have or find her especially difficult to speak to, but i also don't feel like we're getting anywhere. we mainly seem to still be talking about my family history rather than my current problems (which admittedly probably stem in part from that history, but are not explicitly to do with my family). is two months enough time to get a sense for whether or not a particular therapist is working or not? how can one tell whether fit is good enough? &#x200b; i am in therapy because i seem unable to form meaningful relationships, so it is possible i am simply repeating my usual patterns. would it therefore be worthwhile to stick with someone i don't relate to particularly well, but also don't relate to particularly poorly either? | how long should i stick with a therapist before switching? how should i evaluate 'fit'? | asdegs | generally speaking, two months should be plenty of time to assess your fit with a therapist. while it doesn’t sound like you dislike your therapist, it does sound like you’d like to change the direction/focus of your work with them. i would suggest telling your therapist exactly this, and giving it a couple weeks to see how things go/if they change, and then decide what to do from there. sometimes as therapists we just need someone to clue us in when we’ve headed in a direction that isn’t where they client wants to be/go. typically we can tell if someone’s uncomfortable, but what’s more difficult is telling if that discomfort is ultimately beneficial or harmful. | askatherapist | asdegs |
a little over a year ago i moved in with my fiancé, she had a child who was 4, now 5 who has always been crazy, as most five year old boys are. when i drank i could be a lot more relaxed with his behavior and not care as much, but now that i’ve stopped i’m almost constantly on edge with him and very irritable. it took a few days for me to realize that he really isn’t being that bad, but i’ve been on his ass about acting right when really he is just being a kid. what methods can i use to increase my patience with him? | how can i increase my patience? | fdylzg | the best book on relating to children is “how to talk so kids listen and how to listen so kids talk” by faber and mazlish. it was inspired by the ideas of haim ginnot. dr john gottman, the world renowned marriage counselor dedicated his first book to dr. ginnot. the key is to try to understand the motivating emotions first and express that understanding in a way the child can understand. it works with adults too. | alcoholicsanonymous | fdylzg |
hi. for the longest my mother has been taken care of my little brother. so far all we have gotten in the last 5 years is a diagnosis. we have very little income and my mother tries to save everything she can. so with that she hasnt gotten any type of help for my little brother as far as therapy. he is 5 years old and still doesnt talk. i need help with finding coverage. he has medicaid and nothing else. i called 3 different behavior clinics and all have turned me down. i just want to get a second opinion and help for the little guy. any help would be tremendously helpful. :d | help little brother 5 years old pdd need guidance | 2qqorw | what do you mean, help finding coverage? he has medicaid; that should fund his medical and mental health insurance. call the number on the back of his insurance card and ask for providers for mental health coverage/autism services. what have the behavior clinics turned you down for? i mean, what were you asking them for? help obtaining mental health coverage, or to provide mental health services? what state are you in? he is likely eligible for ssi compensation due to mental health disability. need more information to be helpful. | mentalhealth | 2qqorw |
i (24f) don't think i've ever had a stable sense of who i am, even when i was younger i would model myself after my favourite fictional characters and pick up their traits, mannerisms, style, ideologies, etc. still to this day i do that, i model myself after my favourite fictional characters, i try and claim their personality for my own, and in a sense, become them. i don't think i even have my own sense of style as it fluctuates too often. i would even change my degrees based on whatever character i was modelling at the time. i've changed through a law degree, a psychology degree, criminology degree, pharmacy degree, biomedical science degree, international relations degree, until i worked my way back to law and so far have been sticking with that. i think that's the only concrete thing i have going for me, and even then i think it's just because i'm 2/3 of the way done and don't want to throw it away and start over again and incur even more debt and wasted time. i drastically change my hair every 6-12 months, i have no definite style, i pretty much am constantly reinventing myself and i just feel so unstable. i don't know who i am, what parts are actually me and what parts i have manufactured to play whatever role i am fulfilling at the time. i was taking a psychology course last semester and we were studying personality, the professor asked us to write down five of our major personality traits, everyone in the class wrote a bunch down and i was just sitting there at a loss for words. i couldn't think of anything besides "unstable" as there's nothing about me that's concrete. i guess i'm just wondering for others who have also struggled with not having any real solid sense of who you are, how did you establish one? how did you find out who you truly were? compared to who you were pretending to be? | how did you get an identity? | ed9k6o | oh man. this is something i've struggled with for much of my life. but i feel very confident to say while i still struggle with loneliness and feeling numb or empty at times, i don't feel like i don't know who i am anymore. number one for me was journaling. i wrote, or reflected, or processed, or recorded, or talked to people every night. all day. i captured my mood several times a day for several weeks and recorded that. i looked over the results and looked for patterns. doing this helped me not only find out my triggers and cycle, but also gave me insight into how i was spending my time. i cut down on alcohol and caffeine severely. and i chose a goal i wanted to work on, and began working at it. once i had a basic frame of a goal, i didn't start working on it but on myself. i needed a reason to get there and now i had one. i chose school. therapy, self help books, dbt and classes. i absorbed it all. and tried to interpret it through my own life and experiences. made it work for me, instead of trying to fit the mold. i stopped negative self talk, and began changing the way i self destructed and self harmed. i started making no-zones, where i cannot sacrifice or risk destructing. not at school, not at work, not on this friend. i took away knives and fire and replaced it with rubber bands and punches to limit my harm. while i did all of this i began learning what i didn't like about my behaviors, and why i was doing them. that formed for me the baseline sense of identity. i didn't like it. but i knew it wasn't the final form, it was just a lump of clay. i found a hobby i was interested in and i stuck with it . even when i hated it and stopped enjoying i kept doing it and started to challenge myself to find new ways to enjoy it. i still struggle with it but i ended up going from changing hobbies constantly to rotating out a select handful of hobbies i have interest in. i stopped thinking like "what makes a good boyfriend/friend/employee/student and how can i be that" and started thinking "how can i do those things in my own way" since i know i always inevitably stop following directions i can proactively find new strategies to do it differently. i think "how can i be a better version of myself as that". i stopped dating, and got into fwb relationships. the focus was still on me, but i found an outlet for myself and i was brutally honest with everyone i did not want a relationship but i would have casual sex. i never felt i had to manipulate or pretend this way. i always opened myself up to trying new things. i used my quirks with bpd to my advantage. for example i used my desire to self harm and struggle with identity to go to new concerts of bands i didn't know and stayed up too late and ate too much. i used my tendency to overshare to make friends/fwb. i used my fear of abandonment to cling tightly to the few interests i did have, which when combined with thinking and reflection will give you an idea of who you are. and talk about your shit with people. from a place of curiosity. not to brag or one up or complain, legitimate trying to understand yourself | bpd | ed9k6o |
just wanted to hear a few opinions on what ive done. i'm sure you will all be honest. christmas eve i got black out drunk and threw my gf about. she says i also bite her! and this isn't the 1st time i've done it i done it around a year ago (also black out drunk, i know it's no excuse!) not as bad but enough for her to leave me. i promised i would get the help the 1st time and she came back but i didn't go through with it and it resulted in it happening again. i know this is no excuse but i had a pretty bad childhood and got beaten by my dad. i've started councilling since christmas and have made great progress but i still feel really guilty for what i done to her. it's still eats me up inside and i know it always will!! obviously i've tried to get her back but she doesn't want to which i completely understand but it doesn't change the fact i love her and want to make everything right. my councillor says i need to be honest because that's what resulted in me letting my anger out when i had no control due to drink (i bottled my childhood up for years and never spoke about it) but when i message her telling her what i feel it feels like i'm being selfish and not letting her move on . i know i should leave her alone but i know we had something really special and it kills me my denial has ruined that. straight after she said we could work it out and get help together because she's also been abusive to me in the past. she attacked me with a knife, but that's not what this post is about. its been 2 month now and i basically don't know what to do anymore and would like some feedback please. cheers | i physically abused my gf for the 2nd time while drunk | 5yd5wy | research the cycle of violence. you trying to get her back is you honeymooning her to get back with you. it's unfair to her, and is abusive. her decision to leave you is her choice that she is allowed to make, and you need to decide if you're going to continue attacking her for that choice by doing what you're doing. | mentalhealth | 5yd5wy |
my beautiful mon died in the overnight hours and i am unable to function under the weight of my grief. is there any reliable online therapy available? | online therapy | h7lj1k | where are you located? in the us, most therapists are offering teletherapy right now. therapeer is also a great app you can download for peer support. i’m so sorry for your loss. | askatherapist | h7lj1k |
i love the changes i've noticed mentally and physically since i've been taking supplements / vitamins, but i can't help to wonder if i'm overdoing it? i'm currently taking: 1. x1 1000ug b12 vitamin *in the am, on an empty stomach 1. x1 1360mg omega-3 *after breakfast 1. x1 60mg ginkgo biloba *after lunch 1. x1 500mg taurine *after lunch 1. x1 50ug selenium *after lunch 1. x1 100mg l-theanine *after lunch 1. x2 magnesium (266mg) + zinc (10mg) *1 hour before bed, empty stomach 1. x1 15mg iron *1 hour before bed, empty stomach 1. x2 calcium (600mg) + vitamin d (3ug) *1 hour before bed, empty stomach 1. x1 horse tail + dandelion diuretic throughout the day 1. x1 8,000 i.u vitamin a with fish liver oils (40mg) twice a week any thoughts? | is it bad to take too many different supplements? | 9qgjmf | it's probably safe and probably not helpful except as a placebo. aside from cases of definite vitamin/mineral deficiency, large observational studies of nutritional supplements have found no benefit and a weak link to increased mortality. | askdocs | 9qgjmf |
i received an mmr vaccine last monday because my doctor informed me i had no immunity against mumps (everything else was fine). within a couple of hours i started feeling off, and the next day woke up with fatigue, muscle aches, nausea, headache and a worsening of my ibs. it's now sunday and these symptoms haven't improved. the nurse spoke about possible side effects like rashes and swollen glands, but not these cold/flu-like symptoms. is this normal, and if it is, how long does it normally last? thanks. | 27m feeling lousy after mmr vaccine | 9m8pcu | mmr is a live attenuated virus vaccine, so it's possible to end up with a mild version of measles, rubella, or particularly in your case mumps. generalized aches, feeling sick, and headache are the classic mumps presentation. for those who do develop symptoms, having them last a week or two isn't uncommon, or so i recall learning; i've never seen an adult get the vaccine and have no experience. i'd say so far it sounds unpleasant but within the bounds of predictable, if unlucky, effects. you should recover with a little bit more time. | askdocs | 9m8pcu |
my bf makes dark jokes about things he wouldn't do. like eating babies for example. one time when he was drunk and being his joking self, he made a joke about how babies can't even feel or remember pain or something along the lines of that. it made me feel weird but i know dark humour exists but i can't help but feel as if maybe im just sensitive because he never made jokes like this the first year we were dating. (my grandma was a pedo and also hurt me in that way). today, he posted in a ed, edd n eddy dark humour group on facebook about a meme that makes a pedo joke about wanting to be inside one of the kanker sisters. i know its just a cartoon but.. im not a fan of these jokes and i know for a fact that if i bring it up he'll just say oh hes just joking. i dont think he would actually be a pedo but im not sure how i feel about these types of jokes. i dont want to throw away a otherwise good relationship after 2 years. we live together, finacing a car together aswell and we have another male roommate who also laughs at that types of jokes. so reddit, i ask you this....how do i deal with this? i apologize for my grammar...im just so emotionally torn right now..would it be too much for me to ask him to delete that post on facebook? i jokingly called him a pedo which i know was a mistake because deep down i dont like it | bf (27m) makes dark jokes and i'm(23f) not sure how to feel after 2 years | 734s7o | “there are no go zones that are not funny to me. if you joke around about hurting kids, it’s going to fuck up our relationship. stop.” | relationship_advice | 734s7o |
my boyfriend and i have been roughly together for for 6 months. in the beginning things were going great. the only problem is we spent a little too much time together. we go to the same college. i live on campus and he lives off in an apartment with his 3 best friends. school started at the end of august and i probably stayed at his place at least 4-5 times a week until the middle of october. i brought it up to him and just said you know we've kind been spending a lot of time together maybe i shouldn't stay over as often. he agreed and i was only over there 2 or 3 times a week which was nice because we were both making time for our friends more and our relationship didn't seem as smothering. were home for christmas break and he lives a half hour away from me. neither of us are really working much this break and have a lot of time on our hands. we saw each other on christmas and maybe a few other times. he's mentioned before that he doesn't have a lot of money and i know that. he doesn't want to drive out here all the time because he doesn't want to keep spending money on gas and i get that. i'm not asking him to come everyday maybe just once a week. i have a car as well and i'm always up for going out to see him. lately i just feel like he wants to be with his friends more. i only say that because when he was here two days ago we were watching one of our favorite tv shows together and then out of the blue he kind of just wanted to take a nap because he was tired which was fine but i didnt really want to. then when he woke up a half hour later he said he needed to go. called his chiropractor and said he needed an appointment for that day and then said he needed to go to the gym first and then his appointment and then dinner with his family. just kind of upset me that he made those plans in front of me because it seemed like he really just wanted to leave. he's a big gamer and always playing video games and i've never stood in the way of that, and he's always playing with his friends. i guess i just want to know if he really wants to be with his friends more or if he's just trying to get away from me. i know i need to talk to him about this obviously, just wanted to see another guys point of view first. | female(21) male (21) starting to spend more time with his friends, would like a guys point of view | 5maiaw | every couple has to clearly define how much time they need with each other vs. other friends. if you're on the same page about that balance, it's fine. | relationship_advice | 5maiaw |
it all started when my sister and i went hiking in the woods together. there's an old plantation-turned-nature reserve near our house in durham, nc, and one of the trails is said to be haunted. we hike on that trail all the time, and it always feels weird, but one day, things took a strange turn. it started to downpour while we were stuck on the trail, and during the rain, it sounded like people i knew were calling my name over and over again. however, it sounded like they were coming from all directions at once, and whenever i would ask my sister if she was calling me, she said that she wasn't. ever since then, i've been hearing the same voices in my head, everywhere. they don't talk with me, or carry on conversations... they just yell or scream my name. i never know if it's my mom, dad, or sister calling me to help them around the house, or if it's just the voices i'm hearing. i know if the voices are fake sometimes, because they don't come from any direction. i'm paranoid all the time, and constantly feel as if i'm being watched. it's not something paranormal, because it's all in my head. lately, ever since the voices began, i've become more angry and depressed. these swirling emotions only amplify the voices, and every time i ignore them, they grow deeper. like, not louder, but they grow... darker? distorted? i don't know how to put it. i see myself growing more detached from reality, living in my own universes and illusions. i guess you could say that i'm too caught up in my imagination, but i'm not having delusions such as "my family is out to kill me, so i have to get out" kind of things. it's more like i'm living in the universes i create for myself, based on the obsessions i have, to get away from my own head. i also have the call of the void. for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a phenomena where you, for a split second, see every way that you can die. for example, as i'm driving, i know that i can hit a tree, go into oncoming traffic, hit a deer, or get hit by someone else. i never act on the urges, but i can see them in my head. also, i've had my first hallucination. or was it a hallucination? i don't know. it only lasted for a split second, but i remember it vividly. i was home alone, talking on the phone with my friend, when i saw this person out of the corner of my eye. he was about my height (5'3"), wearing a suit, but he had no face. no, i'm not talking about slenderman. he had a torn-up suit and a crumpled hat, but no face. i saw him down my hallway, walking into our dining room (with no mirrors, i should point out), and as soon as he disappeared behind the corner, he was gone. no trace whatsoever. i haven't had a single hallucination before or since then, but it flipped me the hell out. please help me to understand what's happening. i'm only 18 years old, and am worried that i'm slowly going insane. i've tried researching my symptoms, which turned up nothing (go figure). i've tried reasoning with myself that it's normal, that i'm just imagining it all, but that hasn't worked either. i don't want to go to a psychologist just yet, because the last thing i need right now is to wind up in an institution. my parents say that they experienced the same things when they were my age, but i feel as if they don't really understand, and this question is the first time that i've gone in-depth about my issues. i'm sick of feeling like this... i just want it to stop!!! | i feel like i'm slowly going crazy. please help! | ejxsft | therapist here. seeing someone for these symptoms is not going to get you placed into inpatient care on its own. you have to also be an active threat to yourself or others, have a completely detached sense of reality, feed into and believe severe delusions, etc. we don't automatically go "oh you hear/see things? into the hospital with you!" i would get it checked out, though. especially if your family has a history of experiencing hallucinations. generally, we see symptoms of some psychotic disorders begin to manifest between age 18-24. males tend to experience symptoms sooner than females. not saying that's what's occurring here, but it doesn't hurt to begin exploring possibilities. also, when was the last time you saw a doctor? there are a lot of medical reasons why someone may experience hallucinations, too. you are 18, so you are free to make choices as an adult. it will be up to you to decide when/if you seek help for these concerns. if they are causing you significant distress and causing impairment in things like school/work/eating/sleeping/socializing, then i would suggest reaching out sooner rather than later. | mentalhealth | ejxsft |
there were millions of cockroaches at my last place of residence and i've been cleaning this one so much. a cockroach just climbed up on my bed please someone tell me the nightmare isn't coming back. i don't know what to do. i can barely breathe. | i just saw a cockroach and i'm having a panic attack. | 2jhqpq | are you able to leave the place and stay the night somewhere else? it would be great if your tenant took care of this for you. you shouldn't have to sleep in a cockroach infested apartment! anyone would be freaked out! (trust me, i did it once...) | anxiety | 2jhqpq |
hello all, lately i have been feeling isolated in social situations and losing interest in everything for no reason. i thought i was quite happy with my life but suddenly the hobbies i used to love start to bore me and, for example, i have always been such an enthusiast about almost everything and now i feel down, like with no energy to do so anymore. i went to a friend’s wedding last night and even though i was with my boyfriend and surrounded by people i love i didn’t feel like talking to anyone or getting interested in knowing new people even though i was looking forward to that wedding the days earlier and wore a very nice dress for the ocassion. even my boyfriend said i looked cold and arrogant and i got mad at him for seeing me that way because it didn’t feel like that for me. i was just feeling blocked and sort of isolated for no reason. and it isn’t the first time it has happened to me. i had the same situation two months ago in a very similar environment. for example, i have always loved traveling and found joy in arranging everything beforehand but now the thought of getting inside a plane bores me and doesn’t even make me happy. i find myself wanting to be more at home doing nothing. as i said earlier, i have been very lively and extroverted for the past years. i am currently starting my 30s and life is looking good and settled down, but my teenage years and the beginning of my adult years were lonely and depressive and i didn’t have friends at all. i got over it but i am scared i am slowly going back to a depressed and blocked mind, or maybe too bored of being settled down. any ideas of what might be happening to me and how i can feel better and happier again? thank you! | feeling isolated | dkkb8h | sounds almost like bipolar but on a very long timescale. i'd get assessed for that and depression. meds and therapy can do wonders for you. | mentalhealth | dkkb8h |
hello, i am a 27f height: 5'6" weight: 230 medical conditions: no diagnosed medical conditions i went in for my physical last friday, (jan 2020) but have yet to receive some of my blood work results. i was reading through my doctor's after-visit notes on my online medical chart and noticed that she wrote: hiv (15-65 yo): no results found for: hivab however, this same doctor wrote this on my physical last year (feb 2019): hiv (15-65 yo): no components found for hivabscn do those things mean the same thing? or have my 2020 annual physical results not been analyzed yet? if not, what does "no results found" indicate? i am unsure of the difference in medical shorthand? any experience or insight would be greatly appreciated. thank you! | [27f] need help deciphering doctor's visit notes | eosi6a | that's probably automatically generated boilerplate that's supposed to comment on hiv antibody screening. no such screening was done, so there are no results. if you aren't sexually active, or say you aren't, your doctor might skip the screening as pointless. if it was offered and declined, it wouldn't show up. whatever the reason, you weren't screened for hiv. | askdocs | eosi6a |
so, i've been off school for a few months due to social anxiety disorder, self harm and depression. when i go back, there are bound to be questions, but i don't want to tell people about my problems. what sort of excuses can i use? i'm looking for funny stuff that people won't know how to respond to. e.g. "what are those scars from. did you cut yourself or something?" "no, i wrestled a werewolf and he got me pretty bad, but i beat him, so it's all good" | social anxiety disorder/self harm/depression excuses? | 1fkukq | my main advice is to stop for a second and take a read on who's asking the question. question number one - are they being respectful? if they are being a jerk (asking you personal questions in public places, or they seem to be trying to make you feel uncomfortable, being judgemental etc) - don't try to be funny. just shut them down. (ignore them or "the cat" will do) if they are being nice - then being funny is cool. plus you can always work the werewolf into a metaphor for your own dark side later... we all have a dark side. remember - your personal life is noone else's business. share your personal life only with people who have earned some of your trust. and be funny only with people who have earned your sense of humour. | mentalhealth | 1fkukq |
so it's a long story. so two years ago i fell for my girlfriend i wasn't looking for a relationship and we just found each other and we fell in love. we were very cheesy we would go on date nights and give each other random gifts and show each other all the affection in the world. we couldn't be away from each other it was like an addiction we would party at night and be the romantic couple during the day. we would have sex daily life was perfect this situation lasted all the time until 4 months ago. that's when things got a little weird. i was still in love with my girlfriend but she didn't excite me she didn't turn me on. i tried my best but i couldn't get hard around her. before she would take her shirt off and instantly hard now she could be giving me a bj and nothing..... it drives me nuts. i told her i don't know why this happened and she just gets angry at me. so she starts becoming more and more distant. i keep trying and she spends more time with our friends when we go out. so of course i spend time with the group as well. i start getting close to her sister of all people it was just friendly i took her as my sister she took me as her brother nothing bad. we smoked weed one night as a group and the sister came up to me looked me in the eye and said i love being high around you i don't need a filter and touched my chest. i was in the middle of talking to someone else and i looked at her like what she smiled at me and didn't leave. i had a feeling she wanted me that was the vibe i got off of her. i looked at my girlfriend and felt horrible... my girlfriend me the sister and my workmate were all walking together that night my girlfriend and my workmate were far away close and joking with each other i was with the sister she kept stopping to tie her laces or holding me back because i said a funny joke i realised she wanted me on our own and i kept thinking look at this little minx trying to get with me... i was disgusted. my girlfriend tells me the next day that i don't text her sister enough that her sister was complaining so trying not to upset my girlfriend i started texting the sister. i texted her and she told me to text her on snapchat so i did. we texted for a few days the next day i saw here she was staring at me and smiling touching me hugging me and pinching my ass. i found it weird but everytime i tried to get close to my girlfriend she would visibly show she wasn't interested anymore. then for some reason i started to enjoy the attention from the sister probably because she was the only one giving me attention. so we texted and we both stared at each other smiling while my girlfriend was talking to friends or wasn't in the room. i got on with the sister much better than my girlfriend. one day it was my cousin my girlfriend me and the sister watching a horror movie. my girlfriend went to the other room to sleep because she had work. my cousin was watching the movie and the sister moved closer to me. i took a risk i rubbed my hand against her arm for awhile she looked at me and smiled then she started playing with my chain. and looking at me in my eyes to see if i minded. i smiled at her and put my hands on her belly under her shirt and started feeling her skin not sexually just passionately and she smiled more and pulled my chain to get me closer my cousin turned around so she let go of the chain. i didn't stop touching her because my hand was under a blanket. when he turned around she grabbed my chain again. and pulled me closer she reached for my hand and held it it was a mixture of passion and love there was this powerful energy surrounding us. i had never felt that way before. she agreed with me it was intense i didn't do anything else because i didn't want to cheat so we watched the rest of the movie holding hands it felt unreal the energy surrounding us was indescribable. when the movie was over she went to her sister and we texted the whole night until 6 in the morning. to have an excuse for texting so late in stayed up with my cousin watching a few more movies and playing games. the sister and i agreed to stop what we had because we didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. but everytime i'm alone with my girlfriend she's happy and i feel good but not romantically good the spark from the sister was so overwhelming that i feel almost nothing from my girlfriend i still care about her but i don't think i love her. we had sex a few times the only reason i was able to get hard was because i was thinking of the sister.... it's sounds horrible i know. i know how bad this sounds. | love triangle | 6a59hl | break up with girlfriend. get with sister. | relationship_advice | 6a59hl |
hey guys! i need some help from anyone.... so i am currently in the marines and live a very active lifestyle (constant running, exercising, weight lifting). i drink a lot of water, eat a lot of food, and do a lot of stretches. about two weeks ago i was cleaning my room and reached down to pick up a shirt - the end result was the worst pain i have ever experienced in my lower back. i was literally on the ground for a solid two minutes just trying not to move. it went away as fast as it had came so i thought nothing of it. a couple days later, i went to the gym and was doing some bent over barbell rows. on the last rep, i went to rerack the bar and the pain came back just as bad. i stood up straight and straightened out my lower back and it was gone instantly. like completely gone. so, again, i thought nothing of it. a couple days later, after a couple days of running and stretching, i was working out chest. i was on an incline bench with the proper slight arch in the lower back (scapula retracted, shoulders back) lifting two small thirty pound dumbbells when as soon as i arched my back a tiny bit the pain came back. i almost dropped the weights on my head. i wasn’t able to get off the bench for a solid five minutes. as soon as i got home i just laid flat on the ground because this time the pain wasn’t going away as fast. i wasn’t sure what it was but for the past week i have done no physical exercise to try and rest. today, i tried stretching my lower back to see if it would help the process of healing. as soon as i reached for my toes the pain came back worse than ever before. it felt like someone was stabbing me right in between my lower back and hips. this time it wasn’t disappearing as fast either. the pain is mostly in my lower back (about as low on the back as you can go) and radiating down into my buttocks but it is nowhere else. it is extremely debilitating. additionally, i can run just fine with it. the only thing it is stopping me from doing is lifting weights or arching it for literally anything. a simple sitting on the floor and touching your toes stretch gave me the worst back pain i’ve ever felt. it doesn’t hurt to the touch and doesn’t look bruised either. if anyone can help me out please that would be awesome.... semper fi | horrible lower back pain | emhthq | please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. the more information we have the more we can help. it is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18m), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. for all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful. | askdocs | emhthq |
so we're tracking down the "lack of periods" thing again. (again again. as always.) i finally followed up with the gynecologist and his response was "the ways to fix your hormones is to lose weight, have you tried that?" of course i start crying. " i don't want to make you feel bad. have you tried weight watchers" i've tried weight watchers, paleo, keto, atkins, preventnow (now omada health) , vegetarianism, volumetrics, south beach, the cabbage soup diet, cico and probably a dozen more that i can't remember. i'm currently on a 135 day streak on mfp , i work out for an hour daily, in addition to my 10k steps. i try to get 7 hours of sleep, and just took a nuerology referral to see if my sleep is quality(the neurologist said i must have sleep apnea, i'm fat.) i take my metformin religiously. i've controlled my calories all the way down to 900 calories a day. i've watched my macros, tracking to under 25 grams of carbs a day, and playing with ratios to see if something/anything will work. ugh. he opted to prescribe birth control, but really he wasn't worried about my hormones. obviously i have a will power issue. edit - spelling fix, neurology not necrology. | crying in the doctor's office | 4iw192 | i am giving you the biggest internet hug! i am so sorry you are trying so friggen hard and still being judged by medical professionals. it' not fair. | pcos | 4iw192 |
keeping this as short and to the point as possible, it's been 4 years since i [22m] was in a relationship. during that time my ptsd had worsened especially in terms of anxiety. i've had a soft spot for a good friend for a while but have always convinced myself it was a bad idea to ask her out. the main reasons being a. the random periods of self-imposed isolation and uncontrollable anger outbursts don't exactly make for good boyfriend material and b. i don't exactly have many close friendships and don't want to ruin this one. however plot twist, she asked me if i want to go out a few days ago. i had to say yes and part of me feels really happy. the rest of me is bricking it as i have no idea if i can hold it together. we're even going to a house party for nye which sounded great when i agreed and now i'm worried the only way i'll be able to get through it is to get hammered, which comes with its own set of problems. basically i'm putting my faith in reddit in the hope that someone who understands this feeling can convince me not to fake my own death and run away to a bunker. i really want this to work, she is perfectly imperfect and way too good for me, any advice? | x-post from r/anxiety: i [22m] really like this girl but am afraid my mental health will ruin everything | 5kmh54 | are you seeing a therapist for these issues? | relationship_advice | 5kmh54 |
are there any other kinder/more validating etc bpd subreddits? i understand the need to hold people to account when their behaviour is inappropriate, but i see a surprisingly large amount of stuff on this subreddit which is frankly pretty anti-bpd. i don't think its a bad subreddit, but it isn't helpful to me in my attempted recovery. would anyone be interested in joining a probpd subreddit? i feel a subreddit which doesn't automatically assume anything we do/say was mean and abusive would be a welcome thing. i have a voice in my head 24/7 basically telling me i am as evil as hitler and deserve to die, and as much as my bf/family try to tell me im a good person it just isnt working. i just want a nice community where i can say "someone ate my brownie and it made me suicidal" without people trying to push it to negativity lol. again, no hate to this subreddit it isn't bad per se, its just not what im looking for support-wise. harsh truths tend to send me down a path which leads to hospital rather than recovery unfortunately, and i doubt im the only one. | a more supportive bpd subreddit | 6l409q | i don't think i've seen much negativity on this sub but that's just me. personally i think it's healthy for us to not validate suicidal thoughts. | bpd | 6l409q |
and that just really upset me. he means well, but idk what to say to that. maybe he's right? i don't even know. nah, he's not, otherwise if we thought all the right things long enough, we would be all cured, wouldn't we? and what about when we feel great and everything is alright and think we are cured then we crash? but i do agree that thoughts can fuel into emotions i'm so confused and this statement makes me feel bad edit: i really don't know. i welcome all your input about this | so i was told 'thoughts cause feelings and you are thinking all the wrong things' | ar8b03 | honestly i do believe that we can learn to have control over how our thoughts impact our feelings and vice versa. you can easily 'feed' insecurity and negative thoughts through action, words, and thought. you can counter them with positive self talk, and that is evidenced based shown to be effective in combating negative emotions and thoughts. self talk is a big part of recovery, and we often are not our own best friends. part of what i think is helpful too is to learn to be less sensitive about our mental health. yeah it sucks and feels like a criticism, but it's not unwarranted nor is it meant in jest if someone has a suggestion or comment on our behavior. we need these opportunities to grow and learn from our mistakes to beat this. and we definitely can overcome it to add on to this, i work in addiction recovery. a lot of my clients are addicts that do want to be clean but continue to relapse and make the same mistakes. the problems are less about drugs and more about their underlying issues and how they approach the world. mistrust, dishonesty, stubbornness and rigidity, desire to take the easy path, lack of patience... among many other things, all play a role in recovery. you can be sober but if you keep acting with those behaviors and thoughts, you will relapse and you will never heal, you will continue to struggle. i think bpd is similar. if we continue to let this disorder guide our behaviors and thoughts we never find our sense of self, never form our own identity, and forge our own path ahead. my favorite part of dbt was 'opposite action', where you literally do the opposite of how you feel. and it fucking works. | bpd | ar8b03 |
hi all, i’m a 19 year old student in my first year of university. it seems that my adhd has become markedly worse since my a-levels. i’m perplexed as to why this is happening and i’m left in a constant state of anxiety. i’m struggling to recall simple things like a conversation i just had. i’ve had a photographic memory my entire life so to suddenly be so forgetful is a cause for concern. in my lectures, i’m maybe actively focusing about 5% of the time. the rest of the time, i’m not even procrastinating, just spaced out. why could this be happening and what can i do about it? | my adhd is getting worse. | aq8t2h | people with adhd often describe struggling throughout their lives but finding ways to compensate and get through, then hitting a wall when they begin to experience a greater level of stress. college is a common time for people to find out they have adhd or a common time when they experience increased symptoms due to the transition and greater demands. sometimes people will have a similar experience when they get their first job out of college or have their first child. it makes sense that your current experience is confusing to you if things have never been this difficult before but know that you’re far from alone in it. you may want to start looking at some tweaks to your routine or habits as ways to manage the increased stress and symptoms. there’s also no shame in talking with your doctor about adjusting your meds if you feel it is too impairing at this point for you to manage on your own (edit to add that i’m assuming you’re on meds, but maybe you’re not, and in that case there’s no shame in exploring meds as an option). | adhd | aq8t2h |
so i'm in my mid thirties with a 2yr old son. at the time we were heavily in debt and i was taking care of our son and trying to work from home. feeling trapped and overly stressed i decided for the sake of myself and my family it would be good to talk to someone. at this point i was having panic attacks daily and feeling worthless so i an appointment with the first person i could find. big mistake. my first visit was fine, because i did most of the talking and we were just getting to know each other. second visit red flags started coming up right away. he did all of the talking. i barely said anything...not on my own accord. he would ask a question here and there but it was mostly to agree with what he said. told me a few life stories. but here is what disturbed me the most. he said if i wanted my son to be raised to be a good person i can raise him catholic, but if i wanted him to be a successful person i should raise him as a protestant. first of all...i was not there for religious advice. second of all, what brought the subject up was that my husbands mother gave him "catholic guilt" which was an issue in our marriage in the past. that's it. through past experiences we actually have issue with organized religion. i told him this on our first session. not atheists by any means, but not interested in joining a church either. so i had 1 or 2 more sessions after that. he repeated the same stories/advice each time. i brought my son on the last visit as i didn't have a sitter. well, this brought up his parenting preaching. then the same tag line came out of his mouth about catholics and protestants. that was it. i was done with this guy. i wasn't getting anywhere and frankly felt betrade. how i don't know but it made me feel uncomfortable, and i'm not a confrontational person especially at the time. i had made one more appointment, but after stewing for the week decided i wasn't going to go. i cancelled that day, letting him know that i didn't think that he was the right fit for me. so he charged me the $50 session fee...that i still haven't paid...not even calling me back to find out why or if i was okay and found a new therapist, which yes i did. so now 2 months later i still can't get his actions out of my head...between not listening to my thoughts and giving me the same advice and telling the same stories over and over, to the religious comment. i guess i'm just venting, but i was wondering if anyone else has run into this, either as a patient or colleague. thank you for reading. edited for grammar and clarification. | psychiatrist gave unwanted religious suggestion...stopped seeing him, but it still bugs me what he said. did not go a religious practice on purpose. | 6rbl7g | sorry to hear that. you said psychiatrist but i imagine you meant therapist? usually psychiatrist's won't spend so much time talking to you. this was just bad practice. as i usually say, some of us are better than others. i'm a pretty staunch atheist, but if someone comes to me and wants to talk about religion or is very religious, i meet them where they're at and talk to them. all this aside, you may want to make sure you pay that $50 fee. most of us have clients sign cancellation policies when you start that states something like "if a session is not cancelled with at least 24 hours notice a fee will be charged". many therapy agencies i've worked for send unpaid bills to collections and it could impact your credit. i worked for and eventually was fired from a prominent drug and alcohol recovery program in philadelphia. the top administration and many clinicians there were vehemently about forcing religion on any and all clients. they essentially saw clients issues in relation to their failing to believe in god or accept a higher power. when i questioned the ethics of this, it lead to too much conflict between administration and myself. it happens. i hope your new therapist is more understanding and better at their job. | mentalhealth | 6rbl7g |
i called my gp for the results of my blood test and she said the results were all normal apart my blood plasma. at my last appoint my gp suspected that i have celiac, is this something that would be indicated by a plasma test? | blood plasma | 951a46 | plasma is just the liquid (non cellular) part of blood, so most lab tests are tests on blood plasma. the presence of antibodies against tissue transglutaminase would indicate celiac disease, but that's a specific test, not something generally picked up. if your doctor already suspected celiac disease and tested for it this might give the answer. | askdocs | 951a46 |
my close friend of 6 years told me this recently in a private conversation with a relatively chipper tone of voice. i won't share the date but it is relatively soon, he said he's not 100% certain but he is getting things in order. he also told me that if something does happen he would like to me pass out the letters he's planning on writing. i told him "isn't that 13 reasons why" and he laughed and explained that he asn't blaming anyone, just giving his goodbyes. anyway i'm genuinely really concerned for him and i don't know what to do. edit: he trusted me to keep this all a secret, but i'll do anything i can to save him | how do i (18m) help my friend (18m) who's given me his planned date of suicide | f4zue7 | either this is a troll post or idk what because this needs to be reported yesterday, not whenever op gets around to it. this kind of talk isn’t a joke and shame on op if they’re just making this up for internet points. if this isn’t made up, shame on op for not acting and thinking this is just a game. | relationship_advice | f4zue7 |
i have borderline personality disorder. i don't know how to handle my emotions. i don't know how to cope like a normal person. i've been sober for 3 months and 4 days, but my life is so stressful right now that i just want to throw in the towel. i can't deal with all of this anymore. my mind is like a violent tornado of thoughts and urges. i'm constantly battling thoughts of extreme self-harm, of drinking, and even of suicide sometimes. it never shuts up or slows down. it only does that when i'm drunk or messed up on something. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i want to escape. i don't know where i'm going with any of this. i'm just tired of resisting everything all the time. i wish i was normal. | stressful circumstances are making it so hard to resist. | 1omsh9 | keep writing. if you tell on those thoughts you've got a much better shot. do you have anything to help with your diagnosis? do you have a peer support group or a program of recovery to back you up? | stopdrinking | 1omsh9 |
age 27 sex f height 5'5" weight 270lbs race white duration of complaint - lifelong anxiety location (geographic and on body) - cns any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - ttm (trichotillomania) current medications (if any) - effexor WEBLINK | beck anxiety inventory? [i found this letter from my old therapist that was never given to me by my family. i just came across it and i don't understand what it means exactly.] | biej70 | the beck anxiety invesntory (bai) is a validated tool for measuring anxiety from a questionnaire. a score of 22 is in the moderate range. although the test purports to separately distinguish subcategories of anxiety, i'm less convinced of any usefulness, and nothing there really explains why the therapist checked ocd. in short, it's a test that shows that you were, at the time, pretty anxious. probably that's not news to you. | askdocs | biej70 |
i wish i could find my person already. i’m surrounded by people but i’m lonely. i’m good on my own but fuck, some days when you crash, and there’s no one to turn to....i want that one person i can come home to that can hold me or that i can pour my heart out to. why does it take so long to find that person. i thought i found that person and then it all went to shit and i went back to being on my own. i just want to be held. and loved. and understood. and comfortable enough to just fall apart in my entirety in front of them and know they’ll be there while i put myself back together, when i’m whole, or when i’m in shambles. to that person — where the fuck are you and why are you taking so long to get here? to the person i thought was that person — fuck you because now where there was once ignorance and bliss, there is an empty hole craving to be filled with someone else’s nurturing no matter how complete i am without someone else. i am a huge advocate of self growth before relationships but shit. i can have all my shit together and i’m always going to feel this way. i’ve daydreamed about true love my whole life, it’s just who i am. i don’t need it but god, do i fucking want it so badly. | i want to love and be loved | bw5qfs | i feel this deeply. i keep trying to take risks and push myself out of my comfort zone to meet other people. i’m happy on my own, but i also long for partnership and to build a life with someone. i’m working on my own goals and feeling great about that, but i still get lonely. | offmychest | bw5qfs |
i enjoy being the centre of attention, but seldom am, because i either don't want to talk to people, or can't for some reason (unassertive, etc.) however, i also have a vision of being well liked, outgoing, etc and sometimes behave like this if i can flip a switch in my head. also, i am not very excited to go out, but when i do i have fun most of the time and don't feel "drained" like an introvert would. i also have no problem spending days alone. what am i supposed to make of this? which one am i, and if it's just shyness or lack of esteem, how do i fix it when i can't really build connections with people? | how do i know my intro/extroversion levels? | eo4z8l | it’s a spectrum where you can have traits of both of you’re more towards the middle. people on the far ends will exhibit more stereotypical introvert/extrovert tendencies. | askatherapist | eo4z8l |
i really don’t know if anyone can answer this question but i guess it’s worth a shot. i am quitting kratom this weekend and got a few herbal supplements to help me out. the worst part of the withdrawal process is chronic fatigue, which is thought to be related to adrenal gland dysfunction. current psych meds: zoloft 100mg/day gabapentin 400 mg bid ambien 10mg prn herbal supplements i am planning to use: black seed oil 1 teaspoon at night cbd oil “adrenal fatigue fighter” -proprietary blend containing asian ginseng, taurine 50mg, 200mg l theanine, ashwaganda (62.5mg with 7% withanolides) ashwaganda leaf extract (62.5mg) 10% withanolides, and holy basil extract (2% ursolic acid) 40mg i know there is little research on a lot of these herbals but if anyone can help at all or offer any remedies for adrenal insufficiency i would be really appreciative. i am just worried about interactions with my psych meds but i want to get off this stuff for good and get back to my normal self asap. thank you | quitting kratom, question about interactions with herbal and psych meds | 8dy07e | there's very little good research on kratom. i can't find anything reputable about adrenal effects in a quick search. to guess wildly, if you're taking a chronic a2 adrenergic drug, you may end up with both lower endogenous adrenaline production, at least temporarily, and downregulation your a2 receptors. all speculative but at least makes some kind of sense—but it's not adrenal gland dysfunction, and treating it like that would not be a good idea. i would be very cautious about throwing loads of supplements into the mix; it's very hard to know what's withdrawal and what's a supplement side effect, and while you could help you could worsen or prolong withdrawal. | askdocs | 8dy07e |
i have officially not purged for 2 weeks!!! for anyone feeling defeated by your ed, which i went through at the beginning of this month, set small goals for yourself and when you reach them, you’ll feel happy and proud of yourself. you got this!! | small goals | k4dsy1 | i am so proud of you and vicariously happy. well done you! you are amazing and loving proof that ed does not have to control any of us. yesterday i binged and had to sit with the feeling of wanting to undo it but made it through. success in this recovery doesn’t mean feeling good, it means accomplishing that goal in that moment. | bulimia | k4dsy1 |
hello & good day! i am a non-smoking caucasian female who is 30 years old, 5'6", and 115 lbs. i do not take any medications. i don't have a regular physician and haven't been to the doctor in years. a local town held a health fair, so i utilized the opportunity to get blood testing done. everything turned out good and in the normal range, with the exception of urea nitrogen (bun) and absolute eosinophils, both being low. if it's helpful to know, i don't drink alcohol and i eat mostly a vegetarian diet (eggs often and fish occasionally). my blood pressure has been low my whole life, as well. here are my results for the two things: - bun: 5 l (it shows 7-25 mg/dl as normal range) - absolute eosinophils: 7 l (it shows 15-500 cells/ul as normal range) __________________ my creatinine is normal, at 0.66 mg/dl, and, as i mentioned, everything else is within the normal range. are either one of these things which i should look into? are there any ways to increase the count of both so that they're within the normal range? thank you for your time and effort :) | blood test shows low bun and low absolute eosinophils - questions | 8fc8iu | those are both values more worth worrying about when high than when low. a slightly low value for either with no symptoms is not concerning. | askdocs | 8fc8iu |
so basically as a little background, i've been physically abused by my dad and several boyfriends, verbally abused by my dad continuing to this day, and sexually abused 7ish times (memory is quite fuzzy surrounding these events). so aside from traumatic accidents, wartime and physical neglect, i've pretty much been through every other kind of abuse imaginable, including psychological torture/brainwashing at a "treatment" facility i was compelled to live at for a year. i've only recently been diagnosed with ptsd with dissociative symptoms (according to the dsm v) and it's been very difficult for me to come to grips with the reality of this diagnosis - i have other diagnoses like borderline, depression and a few other things, but i guess it was hard to realize that what i went through was traumatic enough to injure me psychologically (and still is at times). so because of the difficulty i've had with this realization, i recently downloaded [this](WEBLINK) self help book, and i've barely been able to read any of it, and am scared to go back to it at all. it has these little questions in it, which even when i skim over them completely freak me out. i've been doing my best to stay present while reading, but if i'm present my heart starts racing and i start hyperventilating. if i let go for just a second, i'm a million miles away, curled up in a ball in the back of my mind. is this something normal to be going through? whenever i've described my traumas to my therapists i've never had trouble giving details really because i'm so disconnected from everything that's happened, but it's like when i'm stuck in my head with these.... things..... i freak out, and push them back to the furthest reaches of my mind. do things get better from this? i guess it must be the reality of my compounded trauma that's hitting me full force when i lose it like that, but it's never happened to me before. i mean, people yelling and fighting really freaks me out, but when someone says something i don't like or touches me in a way i don't want, i just float away. it's like i've dissociated so much that i've never felt the emotions surrounding the trauma. am i insane here or can anyone else relate to this? it's been so painful even trying to think about getting trauma therapy but i never thought that help could feel this bad. questions, comments, advice? anything will help guys, i'm just in such a scared place right now. | self help book is hurting instead of helping... is this normal? | 1j79bz | one of the things a therapist is supposed to do is help (in internet layperson's terms) "contain all the feels." a skilled therapist will be attuned to you and try and have an idea of where to take you in a session, pace things out, dial it up if you are resilient enough that day for a challenge, or dial it down if it becomes overwhelming. this is really important since no one wants to leave therapy a complete hot crying mess. with a self help book, it is a bit different because a book can't be attuned to you the same way a person (especially someone with professional training and experience) can--and a book can't be there with you to walk you through some of the tougher exposure therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and integration work that a happens in therapy. that being said, a huge part of most ptsd therapies are exploring and reexperiencing the trauma to integrate it your memory so you can cope with the trauma better. because a lot of that necessitates exploration, it does involve painful, hard work (compared to simply suppressing the trauma.) the idea is that when you suppress the trauma, it pops up again randomly and uncontrollably in a stressful way. if you work on integrating the memory, then it becomes something you have control over recalling, so it stops emerging in an overwhelming way. you are basically training your brain to file the trauma in a different memory system. i guess what i am trying to say is, you will have to go through this emotional process if you want to progress in resolving the trauma whether via a self help book or via therapy, but there are a lot if advantages to having a therapist in this regard. | ptsd | 1j79bz |
well i met this guy on a site and we became friends until a moment were we found out we liked eachother i guess. we live in different countries not that far away but far away enough haha. we skype and stuff but is this considered a real relationship? its currently only been going on for 3 months and of course he's not able to have s*x with me. but is it considered cheating if i slept with other people even though i've never met him. i like him a lot and people are probably thinking like why can you even think about sex with other people if you like him and stuff but i'm just a human with needs like any other person. so putting slutshaming aside i'd just like some answers. i haven't done anything or wanted to do anything it just kind of popped in my head because i've never done this before it's all new to me. thanks! | [f18]long distance relationship with[m18] never met in real life is this considered a real relationship and is it considered cheating if i would sleep with other people? | 6i2li6 | it depends on your understanding with each other. | relationship_advice | 6i2li6 |
age: 22 sex: female height: 5’3” weight: 126 lbs race: caucasian duration of complaint: n/a location: michigan relevant medical issues: poor diet current medications: mono-linyah birth control and lexapro 20mg i’ve never been a healthy eater per se, mainly due to my anxiety and depression so i’ve started taking regular vitamins. right now i take 60mg of iron, 65mg of ginkgo biloba and 500 mg of niacin (due to higher than normal cholesterol). i want to start taking vitamin b12 and magnesium as well, but i’m just curious, can i be taking too many vitamins/supplements? i don’t want to accidentally cause harm to my body. thank you. | can you take too many vitamins? | bdwps3 | it's possible to overdose on some vitamins, but for water soluble ones like b12 and magnesium it's difficult enough to be impractical. however, for most people, there's also no clear benefit to taking vitamins. the research isn't strong, but there's a correlation between vitamin supplements and worse health outcomes. my sense is that unless you're taking vitamins for something specifically they're not worth the money. they aren't just generically good for you, and even an ostensibly lousy american diet usually doesn't produce actual nutritional deficiencies. | askdocs | bdwps3 |
this is a throwaway because i'm super identifiable from my primary account. i (25/f) have a really hard time with physical contact. i'm not afraid to touch people and if i initiate hugs or hand-holding or whatever, i'm fine. but i don't initiate very often, and if i'm touched unexpectedly i tense up and get uncomfortable, or even flinch. if i'm upset and someone tries to comfort me with hugs, or back rubbing, or whatever people do, it's even worse. i'm told i can come off as unapproachable, and i think my subconscious "no touching" policy has a lot to do with that. i have a good group of friends, people i trust and have "let in" (at least as much as i do that sort of thing), but one of them got my attention by putting a hand on my back at a party the other day and i almost had to be peeled off the ceiling. i don't have a history of being abused or anything. i'm just very protective of myself and not very trusting of others. i’ve worked on this in the past, and was able to reach a point where i’m now fully capable of sharing a bed with another person for the night. i’ve never really had a relationship, and with the few guys i’ve dated i tend to pull a wham, bam, thank you sir kind of thing. so being about to “stay”, even just for the night, was a big deal. however, getting to the point where that sort of progress would even come into play is almost impossible without getting comfortable with more friendly type of touching. other people i see seem so comfortable touching one another: resting their head on a friend’s shoulder, hugging, picking each other up. even silly things like slapping a friend’s ass when he bends over for something. i have a friend, jack, who’s been sick and my other friend had no problem resting jack’s head on her knee, stroking his hair, and rubbing his back. at one point i checked if he had a fever. hand to forehead. yay contact. go me! that sort of comforting contact in particular just comes so unnaturally to me from every side. i feel uncomfortable with being physically taken care of, and i feel uncomfortable doing the physical care taking, in any setting (i’m a boss at fetching drugs and soup though). i feel like i’m having oxytocin withdrawals. people don’t touch me because i respond like i don’t want to be touched, but i only respond that way because i’m not used to being touched, so its unexpected and foreign. it’s a vicious circle that leaves me at least 18 inches from the rest of the world. how do i stop responding like i’ve been shocked? how to i project to my friends that it’s ok to touch me? how do i initiate physical contact with other people? i just need a hug… that doesn’t leave me uncomfortable. | how do i get more comfortable with physical contact both in a friendly and romantic sense? | 24kntn | sign up for a partner dancing class. | socialskills | 24kntn |
i have a sister in law who is an addict to just about everything (opiates, heroin, weed, alcohol, etc. etc.) and it is tearing the family apart. i need advice for what to do next, and what treatment we should get her into. i've looked into treatment and support groups, but there seems to be a lot of options, with different strengths and weaknesses based on the addict. i'd like your help and guidance for what to do. to describe the situation and her: she is in her early 20s with a child that she can't take care of. she is basically homeless, and there are signs she may be sleeping around for drugs. she has never really found any joy out of life, at least in the 10 years i've known her, and has almost zero usable life skills. she's burnt every bridge and lost every friend, and the strain she has put on her family is immense. her family is trying to help, but there is not much they can do. they are trying to get custody of her child, but cps won't allow her to be the home while the custody process runs its course. even then, they have let her move back in, but she is so abrasive it makes life almost unbearable, not to mention the stealing and the drug use. she is an expert manipulator. when i look around at treatment, and i'm watching ted talks and the latest success stories, they all talk about building on relationships or building upon something solid in their life, and there really isn't any of that. i don't think she's ever been gainfully employed, and doesn't find any joy out of life at all. she has no hobbies or anything that might cause her to want to kick her addiction. she vacillates between apathy and disdain for her child. if you have any advice, or any questions, please let me know. i'm quite a ways away from the family and situation, but i'm trying to do all i can to help. thank you | need help and guidance for a family member | 4of8ls | as was suggested, i'd recommend ensuring you and your family are well-resourced and well-protected yourselves. i think al-anon a wonderful source of support and encouragement. you might try reading some similar memoirs (e.g. beautiful boy by david sheff). i'd also recommend seeking out a high quality psychologist who specializes in addictions (ask around), someone who might be able to "reach" her by suspending judgment, exhibiting empathy, facilitating her own self-assessment (e.g. with use of motivational interviewing techniques). these cases are challenging. important that you (and your family) are identified with some options, some basis for hope. truly, anything that can provide a reason to believe. hang in there. | addiction | 4of8ls |
edit: thank you for the responses. i just needed to blast this somewhere. i didn't want to talk to facebook or anything. this sub is great. i can't wait for tuesday. going to schedule with a new psychiatrist. finding the perfect support/medicine/diagnosis has been a very, very, very long journey. edit: here's a pic. WEBLINK our son was diagnosed with autism a couple years ago. i would post in the autism sub but every time i do, i get ridiculed. it's not a safe/supportive place. i knew from birth our eldest wasn't normal. neurological issues run in my genes ... there's a laundry list. i know the risks of possibly having a mentally unstable little one. our son is on medication. he goes to a private school. we do lots of awesome family stuff...well try to. despite trying to do all that we can he still has psycho moments. i don't think he's autistic. i think he's a sociopath or schizophrenic. i'm to a point now where i'm going to beg his psychologist and possibly find a new one because i'm living in fear. it's weird i love him but there's this part of him that's terrifying. he lit his bed on fire today. i guess he figured out where i had the one grill lighter (not well enough) hidden. he waited until the house was so full of smoke the detector went off. had the detector not been working we would probably be dead. i was napping with the youngest. he walked in my room when i was jumping up in a panin and calmly said there was a fire. i in a haze find the fire....panic grab my water jug for my plants and get to playing fire fighter. i manage to get it out. at first he denies it. i see he clumsily put the lighter back...it's still warm. i tell him i know he did it. he admits to it. says he was bored. *i'm enraged*. husband comes home. i calm down. i question him so tell me what you did. "i put on zootopia. i went and got a lighter. i lit the mattress on fire." why, why did you do that. "because i hate the mattress" .....he doesn't sleep on the damn thing. he sleeps on a fucking futon in the living room by choice. we have never forced him to sleep in his room...he has never mentioned hating the damn mattress ever. i already have all the knives in the house hidden etc. i don't want to send him off to live in a home. i want to be the parent he needs but...is he going to wind up murdering my family? or an innocent person. he's so okay then bam he does something horrible and it's nothing to him. punishment doesn't do anything. he doesn't care. he gets deeply saddened when explained he's doing anything wrong. like we ripped his heart out. i am so fucking scared of my own son. edit: he turns seven at the end of the month. | our (autistic) kid almost burned our house down | 4qu9dd | hey, counselor chiming in. i know his behavior is absolutely terrifying and if you do not feel his current team is providing the supports you need, you are always allowed to get more/others! i'm sure you have other information, but if this helps at all, what you described doesn't sound like schizophrenia, and is highly unlikely to be sociopathic without an extensive list of other things. don't hesitate to get more opinions from professionals you feel good about working with. | mentalhealth | 4qu9dd |
hi guys, i am not sure why i am posting this, perhaps to vent, perhaps for some advice but i have had to reset my badge again today. i live with my boyfriend who drinks every single day, this hasn't changed from the day i met him, it is just the way he is and he doesn't think he has an issue. when we first met drinking was our thing but last year i decided to become sober and lasted 4 months. those 4 months were horrible, seeing him coming in drunk was frustrating as hell because i had to sit and listen to him ramble on about nonsense. slowly i settled back into drinking with him and it was fine again (or at least the relationship was, the drinking everyday not so much) i have decided to stop again a few times this year but i just find it easier to be around my boyfriend when we are both drunk and on the same wavelength. i suppose my question is - is it possible to live and be happy with someone who drinks to excess but doesn't see an issue while remaining sober. it doesn't help that his dad is a huge, huge alcoholic and often stays with us. or is it perhaps time to say quits...the thought almost breaks my heart into a million pieces. another fear of mine is he is going to end up dead soon, he wants to start a family but i am loathe to do so while we have these issues and i am at an age now where i am wanting to settle down but perhaps he isn't the one. | living with someone who is a big drinker | 7yvalc | don’t start a family with someone whose idea of a great life is obliterating the day. | stopdrinking | 7yvalc |
hey, i just made an appointment with a therapist who primarily uses cbt. i have thought about this off and on for a while (i'm 30) because i know so many people who talk about how much therapy helped them, but also i feel like i don't have anything too serious to talk about: --i feel like i have some social anxiety issues to work through but nothing that really affects my life in a big way-- i don't avoid social occasions or anything, it's more just this feeling that people often don't like me that much which gets in the way of deeper friendships. (i think this is sometimes true, but not always, and a bit of a vicious circle). -- in general, i wish i was more confident and had better self esteem. -- i'm going back and forth right now about whether i'm happy in my long term relationship. --i am moody more often than i'd like, but again this isn't something that affects my life in a real way. i guess i just feel like i'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. overall my life is good. i don't have trauma, or clinical depression (i don't think). i'm curious about your perspectives on this. thanks! | what's your perspective on people who are mostly "fine" in therapy? | c1he67 | i already commented but i thought of one extra thing that i didn't just want to attach. in response to this: "i guess i just feel like i'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. overall my life is good. i don't have trauma, or clinical depression (i don't think). i'm curious about your perspectives on this. thanks!" here's one way of looking at this situation that is a little strange, but may help to relieve some of this guilt. therapists make an extraordinarily low income when compared to almost every other field that requires a master's degree or higher. many therapists quit being therapists and go into a completely different field because although they want to dedicate themselves to helping folks, they simply can't afford not to get a job with higher pay. by getting therapy, especially from a therapist in a smaller or private practice, going to sessions consistently (most of us don't get paid for the hour if a client cancels on us) you're helping keep that therapist in business which means they'll be better able to help folks who have trauma, serious depression, and many other issues. i generally don't think a client should ever feel obligated to support a therapist, but if you look at it as though you're helping to support a small local business who's service you believe in (and hopefully will be benefiting from) it may help resolve some of the guilt. | askatherapist | c1he67 |
34/m 5'11 225lbs white 20+years mental health depression mirtazapine i've been dealing with this for so long now that i don't know where else to turn. i'm seeing a doctor that wont prescribe me a second medication to help with treatment resistant depression. i've asked her about trying ketamine treatment because i've read medical journals with positive feedback on the treatment, but she said she couldn't recommend illegal drugs to treat depression and just keeps switching my medication. i've been on so many now that i can't even keep track anymore. i did some research online and found a clinic near me that does ketamine therapy but it's extremely cost prohibitive, $360 per treatment for a minimum of 6 treatments...i can't afford to switch doctors, let alone pay for that so i'm wondering if anyone here knows of any other way i could try to get this treatment. i honestly don't know if i'm going to make it through this year. i've thought about seeing if it was cheaper in the u.k. and paying for it there. if i got a job with an airline i could fly there cheaply and pay for the treatment...i don't know, i'm just thinking out loud. i just really need to do something. | depression treatment/alternative treatment question | 8e3t0j | i'm sorry you're going through this. the debate on ketamine isn't settled by any means, but it does sound like you need a doctor who's willing to be more aggressive. unfortunately, without a doctor you can't get ketamine, and as an experimental treatment it might be both difficult to get someone to prescribe it and impossible to get insurance to cover it unless you enroll in a clinical trial. if you haven't tried any medication combinations, that may be the first step for you. if that requires another psychiatrist maybe you need to find one. there are also options like tms or ect, which are also expensive and significant investments of time but covered by insurance. you also didn't mention psychotherapy. it can be hard to access, financially and logistically, but it's effective. | askdocs | 8e3t0j |
i'm pretty sure that i had a seizure while i was in jail last night. my psychiatrist has mentioned temporal lobe epilepsy to me and i'm seeing him next week. i've never had anything like a "true" seizure though there have been some pretty weird behaviours. personally i think it's bipolar though i am coming around to the idea that it might be a subtle seizure disorder instead of a mood disorder. i'm not looking for an in depth psych opinion... but how to you tell seizure from mania apart? | seizure? | 5nvhb5 | were you conscious throughout the experience? as the other commenter says, youll need to give us a detailed account of what happened before/during/after. | askdocs | 5nvhb5 |
my fiance and i are getting married in about a year. we just moved across the county to pursue an opportunity in his career. i quit my job (which i loved) so we could do this. it was a mutual decision we made (i'll make the sacrifice this time, he'd do the same for me someday), but i'm just adding that to illustrate some of the current life situation for us. he requested a prenup. neither of us have debt, or in my opinion, that many assets. he does have some money saved and inherited and stuff which he wants to protect, and i am fine with that and told him a long time ago that i'm willing to sign a prenup. but apparently he expects me to split the cost of getting the prenup made with him. i feel like i have nothing to gain from a prenup, and if he wants to protect his money from me, he should be the one paying for it. we always split costs in our relationship, but this is one that i'm not on board with investing my own money into. we don't have the documents drafted yet, but he has mentioned expecting me to waive alimony in the event of a divorce. after doing more research, i don't know if i should be quick to say yes to that, because i'm already making sacrifices in my career for his. if this trend continues, where will that leave me? alimony exists for a reason. i have no idea what our life circumstances will be by the time (and if) we get divorced. i am totally ok with the concept of a prenup. but part of that reason is because i have always thought of prenups as a way to make sure both people are going to be ok in the event of a divorce. i don't want him to be screwed if we get divorced. i expected him to feel the same way toward me. i was so flabberghasted when he told me (his fiance who just quit her job to follow him across the country and is now unemployed and searching for a new job) that we were splitting the $5,000 cost of the prenup creation, that i haven't expressed any of these objections yet. i don't want to sound like i'm in this for the money, so i've been afraid to push back much. but, come on right? shouldn't the person proposing the prenup pay for it? and is it totally crazy to refuse to waive the right to pursue alimony in the event of a divorce? edit: $5,000 estimate did not come from an attorney, it came from his dad telling him what to expect. edit: added a little more context. | my (24f) fiance (m28) wants a prenup. concerned about the premise already. | 6l1iz6 | if you need a prenup you're starting out with distrust. what's the point, really. | relationship_advice | 6l1iz6 |
so my bf and i have been dating for more than 2 years now. he has brought up this subject before and we fought about it before. it's not that i'm oppose to living with him. it's just that i'm not ready and i think we both are not ready financially. i still live with my mum because i study full-time and my part-time job could not support me to live independently. while my bf shares a house with his mates but barely gets by with his part-time job. so now he wants to break up with me because according to him i wont fully know what kind of a man he is unless we lived together. tbh i find it a bit bs because he had stayed at my place and vice versa before but only for a couple days and we had an out of town trip just the two of us a year ago.isn't that a glimpse of living together. i've told him i'd like to move in when i've finished my studies and a bit financially settled with a full-time job, but he said he can't wait anymore. i don't know what to do. i don't want to break up with him but i am not ready to move in together. i don't know how to talk sense into him anymore. he actually wants to break up during my finals week in uni. and he knows the amount of stress i'm already in but still he did this. i need your advice .please. | my bf (27) wants to call it quits because i'm (22/f) not ready to move in with him. help. | 77fs9c | relationships are all about timing. you just might not be in the same place with respect to your needs and expectations. | relationship_advice | 77fs9c |