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hey, i'm jacob and i'm 16 currently. i've been here in the past and honestly i had felt like i had gotten over the depression, but on christmas i was one word from throwing myself off a bridge and it kind of put in perspective that i might have a real problem. i'll put a tldr at the end but i'd like to supply context for those interested. as of late i got my first job, it's at this restaurant called chicken salad chick and it's a real bizzare business model, but it's a clean atmosphere and the people that work there are super personable and (for me at least ) unbelievably nice. my grades have been declining because i'm fed up with school and only looking to barely pass to keep my parents moderately disappointed instead of getting kicked out. i'm homeschooled so i have no friends left from when i was growing up because we move so often and the ones that did last treated me like garbage and i decided i'd be better off alone. i've worked there for 2 months now and i've only gotten the number of one other employee he's super nice and i helped him fix his car stereo and we hang out when i can make up an excuse to be out of the house. i wish i got to spend time with more of them though i really like most all of them and would love so much just to go have dinner or go see a movie with any one of them. but today they had a late christmas party and my mom was hell bent on not letting me go because she assumed they are horrible people and she's never even set foot in the store. my stepdad talked her out of that and let me go and it was great. i feel like my mother thinks that suffocating me is the only way to make sure i dont do anything that would embarrass her. and when i got home i was sour still about the fact she thinks i want to spend time with horrible people. so i didn't tell her that i was back and her reaction was to give me whole speach on how i'm an arrogant shit and a disrespectful asshole. i never talk to her whenever possible because that the only shit she says to me. and i believed that for the longest time but spending time with the people from work and no one treats me like i act like that(and most of them are very honest when they don't like someone or think they're rude/arrogant). but i feel worse now that my own mother is the only one who thinks that and i feel sick being around her knowing she what she thinks of me. i do everything i can to be out of the house for as long as possible and away from her because i can't be around her anymore and even though when i'm home all i do is lock myself up in my room and read articles or watch netflix she for some reason insists that i'm home as much as possible and i feel trapped in this house she's made it clear that i have no power or say in anything to do with family matters and that i need to stay out of it. listening closely to her bitch at me though i've noticed she slips things in that make it sound like she's insecure as a parent and i feel like she's using me as a stress ball or something and it's been this way all my life and i don't want it. i'm seriously considering a therapy session or two but they're really expensive (100$). all i really want is to lay with someone anywhere but my house and talk. it doesn't even need to be venting or anything like that just talk. when i'm at home i never get to talk with anyone i'm always being commanded or talked at or bitched out. but i feel like my mother has this noose around my neck and whenever i sneak out to go hang out i'm left feeling more suffocated cause i know if or when she finds out she will not hesitate to make my life harder anyway she knows how. i really want to get rid of these feelings of being suffocated and feeling trapped. tldr i am having some strong feelings and am trying to find my path and my mother is trying anyway she can to stop me from doing that and instead put me on some uncertain path that she's trying to figure out and i've being feeling really suffocated i want to try therapy but i am iffy about dropping 100$ on it. also i can't let her know about it so i want to be all in if i choose to do it, i want to know what it was for some of you that helped you decide to take therapy. and also a bonus question, how many sessions did it take before you felt it made a change/impact/improvement?

[help] therapy, concerns, thoughts, and does my situation justify it?

7ovfar

if you have to ask if you need therapy, the answer should always be yes, imo. hell, therapy can be immensely helpful even for people not suffering from clinical depression or are otherwise "mentally healthy". think of it as a coaching session, to build healthy mental habits and prevent unhealthy thought patterns from occurring too often. it's worth it. i understand that it may be a challenge to pay for it, but if you can , it's worth it. also consider that you may have other options, if you're looking for someone supportive to talk to - a school counselor, a religious leader, or someone you can see as a mentor. you mentioned you don't have many friends... i hope you are able to continue building friendships wherever you can. work, neighbors, going out for walks or shopping or whatever... it's harder when you're homeschooled, but try to find ways to get out and explore your interests, and meet new people, if you can. for me, the turnaround after going to a therapist came after several weeks, maybe a couple of months of going once a week. what really helped me was getting a grasp on reality; my counselor had me take a mood diary and talk about the kinds of things my depressed brain would say to myself, and made me aware of those self-destructive thoughts. once you can see them from another perspective, it helps you understand how unreasonable those voices are. point being... it may take you several sessions before you see real improvement - because it's all about changing habits and mental patterns, and that takes time. one more thing - you are young. at 16 and still living with your parents, well, you don't have as much control over your own life as you would probably like to have. that's enough to make anyone frustrated. do you have plans for what you'll do after you graduate? is college in the picture? can you start saving up enough to move out at least? i highly, highly recommend starting to make those plans now. once you move out, i think you'll be a lot happier because you can control the way your life goes. and you can then make the choice to drop money on therapy if you need it.

gfd

7ovfar

i already came out of an abusive relationship 2 years back. after it i met my current boyfriend and we were were friends for 1 year we became very close and started a relationship. we love eachother. after our alevels i cleared up but he failed 2 subjects. i had to go to a university because my parents wanted me to. he blames me for not waiting for him and gets insecure. i told him once he clears up he can also join the same university. but he is very egoistic. he refused to it. we fight daily. he has started abusing me like he never dis before. we almost brokeup twice please help. i have this depression.

boyfriend and i cant go to same university things are getting worse please helpp

6yf6kw

he's too immature to be in a relationship.

relationship_advice

6yf6kw

i see men that look nice and smart online.... but one problem. they have the same name as my rapist. that would traumatize me if i tried it right? 25f. i’m so scared it’ll traumatize me but i rarely see guys i’m attracted to but i care more about my mental health. thoughts?

dating a guy with the same name as my rapist? ok or bad?

gz6ija

i think you're the only one that can possibly know the answer to this or decide what to do.

askatherapist

gz6ija

i'm going to try and keep this short. i'm 18 years old with an amphetamine habit which may be an addiction. i'm in a 12 step program at the will of my mom, but i've taken a lot away from it. i'm told over and over again that i can quit now and have a great future, or i can continue to use and i will *without a doubt* hit rock bottom. i like to think it won't get any worse. i can go a few weeks with nothing more than a craving, but inevitably i end up using. so far, i haven't had any major repercussions as a result of my use, so i continue to use. please, if your story is similar to mine, tell me if/why i'm wrong and tell me if my problem rally will get as bad as i'm told.

18 y/o on the fence about quitting, need input from recovering users.

1ha6ik

i'm 18 myself and i got sober at 17. i picked up 9 months on the 9th. going to 12 step meetings because you're mom is making you is most likely not going to be a sucessful endeavor. i can tell you that the only difference made in my life was by working the steps. no amount of treatment, no counselor, no number of meetings held any bearing on my sobriety, it all came from a spiritual experience as the result of the 12 steps. there isn't a switch i can hit in my life and i'll be sober. the past 9 months have been the result of constant maintenence and the only way i can continue with my sobriety is if i can continue my spiritual maintenence.

redditorsinrecovery

1ha6ik

hi. i'm(18f) friends with a. (f22). i also live in a different state for university, though i come back and visit during breaks and we hang out. a. struggles with depression and anxiety. she's suicidal and has confided to me all of this. a. has a few close friends, and one m. m (25m) is leaving for the army. she is convinced that he will stop caring about her, and when i tried to speak with her (over text) about this, she told me that she didn't want to talk about it. i told her, alright, and asked a question. she hasn't responded yet, and it's been about a week. i'm worried about her, and also kind of upset at her for not responding, given that it's been a week. i'm planning to come home in a few days, and part of me just doesn't want to text her, and let her respond first. this is probably very minor, though and if i reached out she probably would respond. i'm just hurt she didn't. what should i do?

is it okay to be upset with a depressed and anxious friend?

fa724a

i get why you’re upset, it’s understandable. with depression it’s your level of upset x1000 and feeling of hopelessness and the fear (and reality) that people leave you because of having depression. when i’ve been in the “dark place” i isolate because i don’t think anyone cares and i felt they probably would be better off without me. i didn’t reach out because i didn’t think people wanted to deal with me and thought they would reject me if i tried because i was a burden no one wanted to deal with. sometimes i pushed people away because it was safer. her not responding is her probably being in a lot of emotional pain and feeling hopeless, afraid, and worthless. it’s not about you, it’s what she’s going through mentally and emotionally. depression kicks the crap out of your body as well, pain and exhaustion are a big part of it. sometimes just getting out of bed and showering or eating feels like too much. texting would be even harder to do. if you care about this person please reach out and just let her know you’re there and that you care. you can’t fix things for her, but being willing to listen and validate how she feels don’t try to “cheer her up” or talk her out of feeling how she feels. trust me she wishes she doesn’t feel that way and pointing out all the great things she has in her life that she should be happy about will make it worse because she knows and feels crazy for feeling depressed (i’ve had all this done to me when i was going through some heavy bouts with depression and it doesn’t help it makes it worse and increases the shame and self loathing). hope this is somewhat helpful. i totally get how you feel, it’s hard to understand what’s going on for your friend. just remember it’s not personal, there’s a lot more going on than you know.

relationship_advice

fa724a

over the last couple days i(17/m) have gone from loving my gf(18/f) to questioning my relationship of 5 months. i love her very much and would hate to lose her and idk why i'm questing my relationship and life. is this normal will i get over it. recently we started talking about having sex and decided to maybe have it sometime this week. maybe it stemmed out of that but idk what to think and don't want to break up with her and have been going crazy over the last two days. is this normal? will it pass?

how do i(17/m) cope with existential crisis in a relationship.

61wdzm

give it time; relationships are complex and you don't want to make a rash decision without sifting through your thoughts and feelings over time.

relationship_advice

61wdzm

in 5 days i undergo a hysterectomy due to precancerous and very early stage cancerous cells in my reproductive organs. my doctor was very direct in saying "think of each cigarette as marinating these cancerous cells". granted, my condition is not directly due to smoking, but it's likely progressed faster than it would have otherwise. i told myself "i'll quit 2 weeks before surgery... ok, ten days... one week...." while i've cut down considerably, i'm still smoking at 5 days out. there is no true logic to this. am i stressed? certainly. am i addicted? no doubt. do these points make smoking acceptable? absolutely not. i'm disgusted and annoyed with myself over this, declaring each cigarette to be the last, knowing in my mind that i don't really mean it. i wish i'd never started this so many years ago. today really must be the day, or i must accept that smoking is more important than my health, my family, and my quality of life.

justifications in the face of real threat

7aj0hs

you have to get a hysterectomy?! that seems pretty extreme. did you get a second opinion? i was under the impression that they could scrape away precancerous cells on your cervix. i smoked for 13 years and was basically forced to quit almost two months ago when i was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. i was out after five days, but i figured i might as well just continue not smoking. all the other stuff going on with my health actually made it easier to quit. you should definitely quit before surgery though because smoking impairs healing.

stopsmoking

7aj0hs

i am a long-time anxiety sufferer, and my anxiety has reached the point where it is severe and debilitating for several hours a day. (along with the constant background anxiety that i always have just because) so, since i'm desperate, doctor prescribed gabapentin. i take the first pill tonight before bed. i was told it might make me drowsy the next day, which sucks because i already suffer from major fatigue. (and i have to take care of my toddler who is amazing and....very very active!) but i'm willing to try anything at this point to decrease my anxiety. i have heard gabapentin can cause bad side effects....i'm wondering what others experienced with it, and if anyone has any positive stories. i guess i need the encouragement to take it, and some positive and gentle support

taking gabapentin for the first time tonight - so scared to try it!!!

963umi

sending you calming dreams and an otherwise uneventful rest. cheers!

anxiety

963umi

35/f i've only had two pap smears in my life (never saw a gynecologist before having kids), and both of those times i was shaven down below. i don't shave anymore, but have a pap smear/physical this week and was wondering if i should. do doctors giving physicals typically have preferences about this sort of thing, in terms of being grossed out or making the job easier? i'd prefer not to shave, but i don't want a situation that is going to be uncomfortable as hell for me anyway to be more awkward. (this is a throwaway for obvious reasons.)

do doctors prefer if woman is shaved for physical?

755ar5

yeah noone cares. its current social engineering to expect shaved. just be yourself.

askdocs

755ar5

my(33f) husband(34m) and i have been together for 8ish years, married for three. we communicate well with things are going well but suck at it when things aren't. for some history: me: i come from a background where talking about your problems wasn't done and was probably a sign of weakness. crying was for girls etc. and i grew up being a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle now. for example, when my brother died and i tried to talk about it i got shot down pretty quick and afterwards it was pretty clear that we don't talk about that now - and we didn't. i wasn't shown a lot of affection after that and i get that it must have been hard after losing a child and respect that but it was still hard. for example, i was in an accident and nearly died and needed a hug from my mother and she told me i was an attention seeker and turned away. i was so obvious that i had a stranger come and give me a hug while i broke down in tears. again, i get here that it must have been scary for her and brought up a lot but i needed my parents and didn't have them. him: his parents got pregnant at uni and when his dad found out he left , coming back to pay minimal child support and then when he asked his new girlfriend to marry him, she responded only if you never talk to your son again and pretend he never existed. he agreed and my husband never saw him again. his mother remarried and he grew up as the other. not really considered one of the kids and the first to get in trouble as a proxy for everyone else and has a lot of feelings of his life being unfair. he left home young and has made his own way since. he needs a lot of reinforcement and has a low self-esteem. together: we got pregnant basically as soon as we moved in together and it was way too early in the relationship but we made it work. because we hadn't developed a strong foundation there was a fear that any fight could be the end for him and he walked on eggshells around me. he didn't want to leave because he didn't want to be his dad and i didn't want to make him leave because i didn't want to take away his experience of being a dad. anyway, we fell out of love, we fell back in love and we lasted. we worked through our issues before we got married but that fear of it not working pervaded the mechanics of our relationship even when we got to the point where we knew it was irrational because we had survived so much. we ended up with a fear of confrontation, him because he thought i would leave him any time we fought and me because i thought he would get emotional and think i was leaving when i wasn't and i wanted to avoid the fall out. so we stopped fighting. i used to be a get everything out in the moment and deal person but now i am a walk away, calm down, get head straight and then come back and explain why things went wrong, what triggered the response, apologise or talk about the issues. he wants me to be able to do all of that in a heightened emotional state and i don't know how to anymore. we are good at tapping out or noticing when the other parent is overwhelmed and then they can go have a time out while we take over but we cannot seem to stay in the same space with those feelings and communicate without either feeding off of each other or getting the other one annoyed and making it worse. if he gets overwhelmed and angry he wants me to hug him to calm him down and make it all better but i can't/won't do that because i won't go towards someone who is angry. for clarity, he isn't abusive but i have experienced that in the past before him and he is probably less angry than i am perceiving through my own experiences. i get that he needs love in that place to feel worth but i don't know how to give it to him. what i am asking is, does anyone have advice or tools to be able to negotiate or interact successfully in times of heightened emotion. i don't want him to get cranky at the kids because he/we can't manage his frustration and it builds and i don't want him to feel misunderstood or unloved. when he is alright he is so patient and understanding and a such a great dad but when he is overwhelmed/impatient/cranky then i tend to get angry at him and make it worse and i don't want to. how do we calm each other rather than riling each other up when we are in that place other than removing ourselves or recommending that the other remove themselves. what do you do in these situations? we don't really fight - we get cranky and stop communicating and need to change this. edited to add: tldr: feed off each other when we are angry and don't want to. how can we communicate better in a heightened emotional state?

when we (33f and 34m, married) get annoyed/frustrated our ability to communicate falls to pieces. advice?

5v17ic

needs a summary; tl;dr. happy to help if you do that. thanks.

relationship_advice

5v17ic

**physical** * age - 26 * sex - male * body - overweight, various physical ailments of varying severity * circumstances - i live with fairly supportive family and receive financial assistance * country - canada **symptoms** * depression - fairly constant * anxiety - always present to varying degrees, especially social anxiety * anger - often sudden and inexplicable, usually replaces depression, but can also compound with depression. violent thoughts, thoughts of harming self or others, vivid imagination of performing harm or violence * suicidal thoughts - two out of every three days on average, often multiple times throughout a day * self harm - cutting in the past (no longer), self destructive tendencies, self sabotaging, perpetual negative thoughts about self (like a constant inner dialogue of self deprecation) * drug abuse - i'm lucky enough to have avoided opiates; problems with alcohol and marijuana, psychedelic abuse, constantly trying to quit, often relapsing (i'm in a social environment that encourages pot use), i can tell the drug use is making everything worse * antisocial tendencies - extremely argumentative and confrontational, often contrary, constant feelings of persecution, difficulty making or maintaining eye-contact, extremely small peer group, "flaky" behavior and tendency to commit to responsibilities i cannot fulfill * extreme fear of abandonment - feeling like everyone hates me, and is trying to delicately get rid of me, feelings that everybody wants me to detach from their lives and kill myself in a way that absolves them of responsibility * extreme paranoia - secret belief that all of the people in my life are colluding to torture me, that they can "feel" or somehow intuit my thoughts and use them against me; a sense of "synchronicity" in that i construe elaborate meanings for inconsequential events, often centered around themes of punishment * periods of reprieve - strange periods of calm where the symptoms and problems relent. these are when i go out, shop for myself, and generally try to fix my life. this can last for a day to several weeks, but they always return to the regular symptoms **description** every day i feel like i am in a literal hell (christian or otherwise). i feel like i am trapped in a solipsistic prison. it's almost impossible for me to leave my room (let alone house) unassisted; i usually need a companion to go into any social space. my paranoia is developed enough that i perceive random events as being directed at me, and impart inanimate objects with malicious intent ("the streetlamp is laughing at me"). i find it difficult to trust, and only in small increments. when it's bad enough, i'll use most drugs i can get my hands on, otherwise i'm using videogames and cinema to maintain a fairly constant state of escapism. i frequently think of my friends and family as torturers or at least keepers. i misread social cues as aggression, and assume any conversation i detect but cannot properly hear is negative talk about me (even amongst strangers who are unaware of me). i crave company and am terrified of being alone, but find it so challenging being around others that i can't bear company for long. i'm afraid that my presence is a toxic disappointment to the people in my life. the worst thing is that i can assess my symptoms in a rational way; i'm able to debunk my perceptions with simple logic, often discounting paranoia based on the logistics of mass persecution alone. i know how wrong my thoughts are, but i am unable to escape their weight and emotional impact. i know one thing, but feel another, and it's the feelings i often react to before i can apply reason. i've lost most of my friends over time but for the most persistent and stalwart, and i don't really feel worthy of their confusing loyalty. i've tried to get help before, i've been on several medications (all ssris that made my problems *much* worse). i have a really challenging time pursuing any form of help, mainly due to how hard it is to leave my house, and how difficult it is to talk with and interact with people. my md diagnosed me with clinical depression, and general anxiety disorder; over time i've started to lean towards borderline personality disorder, based on my symptoms, behavior, and the contradictions of my social needs. i don't know how to get help anymore, but i'm [terrified of medications](WEBLINK) because of my history with them (the closest i've ever come to killing myself was on zoloft). i don't want to be a guinea pig for pills anymore, i refuse to be complicit in the psychiatric process of "[two minutes of questions, write prescription] let's see if these work, come back in two weeks" anymore. i want real, actual help, and i have no clue how to get it. i feel like "me", the person who is writing this, is a tiny spark of lucid thought on a shabby life raft floating in a sea of irrational paranoia, and i think i'm sinking.

what is wrong with me, and what do i do about it?

1ifr4v

based off of your descriptions, borderline personality disorder seems to fit fairly well. although i caution you that, even though i'm a therapist by profession, online diagnoses should be taken with a grain of salt. any truly objective diagnosis would need to come from a face to face interview. if it is bpd, psychotherapy is likely your bet. while psychopharmacology can help dull some of your symptoms, bpd is a pervasive and complicated constellation of issues that tends to require intense psychotherapy to achieve lasting remission of symptoms.

mentalhealth

1ifr4v

i mean, if a person were committed in state a, then, during that commitment, left for state b, would state b have any jurisdiction over that patient? would they be able to force that person to return to state a?

in america, what are commitment laws state-by-state?

2kzn7x

i'm fairly certain no. i used to do intake assessments for a psychiatric hospital, which sometimes would include other hospitals calling to try to transfer a patient to our hospital. we were about 45 min from the state line, and we couldn't accept people who were committed in the other state because that commitment wouldn't hold across state lines.

mentalhealth

2kzn7x

i feel as if i'm weird , i feel uncomfortable around people when they are looking at me dirrectly in the eye (eye contact). i feel like people think of me negatively and i shake or i nearly lose my voice and become really nervous any advice?

why am i so self consious about every single thing i do?

8byb81

look: 'fear of judgment' ? dishonest. 'fear to be weird' ? dishonest. 'because you think people think more about you than they do' ? closer to truth, but not quite. what's actually going on is that *you believe about yourself* that you are inadequate. you don't want others to find out. so you have something to hide. you have to hide your inadequacy because if people find out you're screwed; they'll abuse you, mock you, exclude you, reject you. that's what you believe subconsciously. so social contact, especially being looked at, is intimidating and frightening, risky, for that reason. you might be sad too, and unconsciously trying to hide the sadness as well, because that might make you 'weak', 'vulnerable'. so there's another thing to hide, another reason not to want to make eye contact, and to be 'self conscious' and check whether you are making enough eye contact, but also not too much, whether you are seeing signals that the other person is on to you in their facial expression or their gaze, etc. etc. this is all happening at lightning speed and usually pre-verbally, so you don't necessarily literally think all of this in words. it's a deeper belief. you're not afraid people think of you negatively, truly. what you are afraid of, is that they find out how shitty a person you actually are. because you believe you are. they call this projection. what i'd advise is starting to notice throughout the whole day, when you have negative thoughts about yourself going through your mind. maybe also check [this post](WEBLINK) out that i wrote a couple days ago.

socialskills

8byb81

basically i know that i have trouble with maintaining/making friends - and i know that it would be really useful if i had people who give me feedback on how i behave - objective feedback, not the dysfunctional feedback that i give myself. but i don't really know how to approach my acquaintances and friends about this. at a gut-level i know that people would be overwhelmed when i tell them: hey, can you give me some feedback on my behavior ? was that weird ? do you think they noticed i was anxious ? do you like me like that ? i wish there was a smooth sentence that allows people to give me feedback without making it awkward and appearing needy.

asking for advise - how to get feedback

7zdwn4

a common problem that i see for people struggling to make friends is this and i feel as though it may relate to your situation. many people assume that they can act with new friends or acquaintances the same way most people act with long time close friends. friendships need to grow and develop over time like planting a tree. you can't immediately lean on a sapling for support until it's had sufficient time to grow and become strong. early on when trying to turn acquaintances to friends, you should primarily simply be focused on enjoying the time that you spend together without either of you expecting anything else from one another. if you don't have a firm basis of actually just simply enjoying each other's company (engaging in shared interests together for example) you're going to either turn people away or set yourself up for an unhealthy codependent relationship i would suggest talking to a therapist to try to learn ways to reduce your level of being overly self-conscious without this being dependent on feedback from others. a good therapist will help you with this and hopefully avoid giving you too much direct feedback themselves. hope this helps. best of luck bud. [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)

socialanxiety

7zdwn4

looking for help deciding which path to take. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 20, had a horrible 4 years, got on meds and turned my life around and got my nursing degree. i've accomplished a ton in the past few years, largely thanks to the coping skills i learned battling bipolar disorder. at 27 i now have a great job at a hospital and have the financial foothold to do alot in life, but i can't decide. doctor: i've thought alot about this path. if i go down this road all my experiences as a nurse will give me a huge leg up in medical school and residency. i like the idea of totally giving myself to medicine and of being an expert in the field. crna (certified nurse anesthetist): i'm already partially headed down this road by starting an online rn-bsn program. after this one year bsn program i'll be able to take an intensive 3 year course to become a crna. crna's make close to doctor money and they have great job satisfaction. however you're very limited as a crna to working in an operating room, and you don't get nearly the level of knowledge you would get as a doctor. this is the easiest, most financially responsible route, but also the least fulfilling. mathematician: in the past few years i fell in love with math. i always loved physics, which is what got me interested in math. soon my interest in math totally eclipsed my interest in physics and learning about it is one of my favorite pastimes. it would be awesome to pursue math, however its completely unrelated to healthcare and i'm afraid it would only hurt my healthcare performance. ​ any advice would be greatly appreciated!

crna, doctor or mathematician

cw6w5o

i would recommend doing more research on what the day-to-day life of a doctor is like (both general practice and specialties) and try and see if those things would be a good fit for you. it sounds like something you're excited about, but there's annoying/hard things about any job, so really the question will be - are the difficult parts going to be worth it for you?

advice

cw6w5o

the other night i had something i can only refer to as an extreme myoclonic reaction unlike anything i've ever had. i had a headache around the top and back of my head and felt like something was off, it made me anxious (wasn't a headache feeling i could ever recall). i laid down in bed to sleep. as i got close to the point of falling asleep, i felt a surge of electricity in the back and sides of my head (almost like hair standing up when scared except way more intense), my eyes shot open and i felt very fearful but didn't seem "conscious". when i became conscious/aware (can't recall/describe a transition) i realized my whole body was convulsing, which lasted maybe 1-2 seconds until stopping, kind of like it stopped just after i became aware of it but not like i stopped it myself. my body was really flushed and hot after it. i've been trying to google and see what this could be. i had a different seizure-like experience in bed last week but because i live alone i think my doctor was hesitant to really believe it wasn't a dream or something (though ultimately told me it sounded like a seizure and gave me direction for it), and now i'm even doubting myself. i've had sleep paralysis many times in my life but my experiences are nothing like them. just looking to hear any input. i don't do any drugs and i'm only on one medication which my doctor told me lowers seizure threshold but that's it early 20's and otherwise healthy

could this be a partial seizure? or am i going crazy?

8c83x4

what medication? this is one of the cases where it could be a seizure, but it also sounds like it could have been a [hypnagogic jerk](WEBLINK), which is a benign but sometimes distressing sudden spasm and strange feeling on the edge of sleep. if it doesn't happen again there's no way to know. if it does, the best way to find out is through an epilepsy monitoring unit, but that's an intense workup for a one-time weird event, probably best reserved for if and when this keeps happening, especially if anything similar happens while you are fully awake.

askdocs

8c83x4

hi everyone! i am 28 years old, male, 180 lbs, 6' tall, and non-smoking. first of all, my phd defense is next wednesday (in six days). it was extremely difficult to set this time up with my committee members, and it's possible that it's the last opportunity i'll have this semester with all of their travel, as well as coronavirus concerns quickly shutting down several functions at our university. in addition, i have a job lined up to start directly after this semester ends so postponing it another semester is not really an option either. anyway, for the last two weeks i have literally locked myself in my house to study and prepare for my defense. i occasionally go to the campus to meet with my advisor, but there no known coronavirus cases in my city. i have been definitely anal about not getting sick the last week - i'm washing my hands every 30-60 minutes, taking 6 eccinasia per day, and drinking 2 airbornes every day, because i absolutely could not get sick for my defense. especially considering i just recently got over a cold about 3 weeks ago! however, today i woke up with a cough that won't quite go away, and more mucus in my throat that is coming out yellow. am i totally screwed? do i need to plan alternative actions? is it possible that i'm either not getting sick, or that it'll be over before next wednesday, or that i can do anything at all to hold it at bay until after my defense? tldr: phd defense in 6 days, but starting to get sick today, despite being overly cautious after getting over a cold three weeks ago. what do i do?!

phd thesis defense in 6 days, starting to feel sick today

fhisby

you follow your countrys advice on your symptoms.

askdocs

fhisby

i'm currently on a journey to find my mental stability. but everyday, this journey seems to get more and more difficult. today, for instance, i felt such intense emotions, i just went from upset crying, to panic, to full blown rage. screaming fits, irrational thoughts, and all. does anyone else feel this way? i can't stop the rage sometimes when it comes on and it can last for hours. i can rant and ruminate on a thought for hours, sometimes even days. i am on an antidepressant and anxiety medication but sometimes i feel like like it doesn't truly help me feel less anxious or depressed. just wanting to hear if there are others out there feeling this way and if so what do you guys do to make yourselves feel better?

intense emotions

3ftbcj

part of what helped me was acceptance that i'm still gonna cycle no matter what and that it was okay. i wasn't falling apart, rather there was some sort of weird balance there that kept me afloat as long as i have enough self care on the hard days.

bpd

3ftbcj

hey all, even though i've decided to make a decision for myself my wife and i still enjoy entertaining. i know i have family and friends that enjoy drinking, so do any of you keep anything on hand? or do you recommend people byob? or do people go as far as to suggest an alcohol free engagement? awkward? maybe this is entirely dependent on the person, but i figured i'd ask.

keeping alcohol in the house

1iyvu8

the way i see it is, if i'm up to snuff with my recovery then i can be around alcohol no problem, but when my recovery begins to slip it's very very dangerous. the biggest issue is when my program begins to slip i'm often not aware of it until it starts to really show, for that reason i see no reason to keep alcohol around.

stopdrinking

1iyvu8

my dad (69) has been diagnosed with a brain tumor which is inoperable. it presented almost as a stroke, affecting his right side where he was getting muscle spasms, and has been put on anti epileptic medication. effectively his right arm and leg are disabled, as such we've got him into a frail care center, and visit him daily. he seems to be confusing his dreams with reality we assume because of the brain tumor, for example thinking that there is an airport behind his frail care facility, and he needs to go see some people on a hill by a plane to give them money etc. should we try and explain to him it's not real and remind him of where he is and whats going on, and risk confusing him and possibly depressing him more. or is it better to just play along with the delusions, but then risking upsetting him when we tell him he can't go see this person on the hill by the airplane?

should we play along with delusions?

3fhtq8

honestly, don't do either. correcting him or playing along could cause him problems. just accept that he believes these things are real, and even tell him that you can see that he thinks this is real, and do your best to comfort him if anything agitates him. beyond that, this must be a difficult situation to deal with. i would recommend that you and your family consider counseling if you haven't, just as a way to deal with all of this stuff.

mentalhealth

3fhtq8

i have brain damage/severe brain injury when i tried to taper off a psyche/brain drug i was given in hospital, and can now not get any help at the hospital for it, they just direct me to mental health instead of a neurologist, they were going to put me in a psyche ward on thursday.can anyone offer any advice? you can read more here: WEBLINK

brain damaged by psychiatry and can't get any help for it

7w8o8t

i'm unclear. did you suffer traumatic brain injury and get put on risperdal afterwards, or are you saying that tapering off risperdal caused brain damage?

antipsychiatry

7w8o8t

i've been associated with someone for about 4 years, since my junior year and his senior year of high school. he graduated and went to a school 4 hours away in a different state. when he left, i said it was really important for me to see him and for us to stay connected. however, he just got really cranky and started calling me worse names (he was kind of verbally abusive from the beginning). i stopped talking to him and then this past winter break, he said he wanted to change and treat me better. he has been treating me a lot better, but now i don't know if i want to stay with him because he doesn't seem to be very committed. we haven't seen each other in 3 years, despite me begging to see him. he's also not sure if he wants to move back to this city so we can be close again. he won't even claim me as his girlfriend, but he gets jealous when other guys talk to me. i just want to know what's going through his head. i know i mean a lot to him, but i want more commitment. and if you guys think i should stop talking to him, do you have any advice for a not-so-independent person to stop missing someone?

[19/f] i have a really vague relationship with a guy who doesn't seem to want commitment

6a0e60

if you want commitment leave now.

relationship_advice

6a0e60

its all good now:)

i’m failing at life. i’m not okay. could you please listen to me?

dmgj71

i feel you. my thesis is due in two weeks and it's done but not to the best of my ability and i'm at the point where i can do no more. i am having to rewrite an assignment because i didn't pay enough attention the first time, and i'm on placement that is full on. im with you on the crying. full break down mode.

adhd

dmgj71

i am not into hook up culture at all. i like romance, not overly schmoopy, but i like the emotional connection. i can't just like anyone. i am not the only one like that right? it sometimes feels like that.

i'm not the only one who doesn't like to date/have sex with people unless i really like them, right?

3nnd0p

i hate hookup culture mostly due to the fact that people blur the lines of consent because it's just a part of the culture. :|

offmychest

3nnd0p

hello!! sorry guys. this is gonna be kinda long but if you could spare me just a moment and give me your opinion on the situation at hand that would be so wonderful!! so i've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and things have been pretty sweet. our relationship has been stellar tbh. i'm 20 and he is 22. but just recently i had noticed in the past couple of weeks that my so had been receiving messages from of his exes (we share my laptop just to clear the air) and i really didn't pay any mind to it or anything because i trust my so, and i just didn't think any thing of it. but my so would leave his facebook account logged in and open. and ya know i would log into my laptop here and there and one evening i saw mutiple message notifications from the same ex and i did something fucked up and i snooped, i'll admit i invaded his privacy but i wanted to see what was up, curiosity got the best of me here. when i saw what was said i felt heartbroken. he was talking about a small argument we had gotten into and sending her screenshots of the whole ordeal and putting me on blast, meanwhile she was calling me a psycho, crazy, and mentioning that it didn't seem like we had a healthy relationship. he was just letting her rip at me without defending me. and what makes me crack up here folks, what really gets me, is that this ol girl cheated on my so in high school. and there were more flirty type messages but i think that's maybe all the details i should give out about the situation lol. anyways when i saw the messages i freaked tf out and i immediately confronted my so, at first i questioned his ass about his ex and the conversations and he lied to me, so i plopped the laptop down in front of him and showed him the messages i had found, and he had such a major meltdown he started crying and was begging me to stay with him, he immediately messaged her and told her that he couldn't message her anymore and that i was too important to loose yadadamean, and went on to block her. now i'm sitting here a couple days later trying to figure out what the fuck to do. i know he loves me and i do love him. but shit, you guys he lied to my face about this situation and was talking mad shit over practically nothing. meanwhile i'm busting my ass cleaning his clothes, washing his dishes, giving him rides, you name it. i just feel so betrayed i would never speak about him in that manner to anyone, ya know? now our relationship is hanging from its hinges. he wants to cuddle and get intimate with me and i just push him away. i feel like i can no longer trust him. and now he's frustrated and just wants me to move on and be happy with him but like how can that just happen? my emotions and feelings aren't a button a tv remote that you can just push to change. i want to forget about what has happened but every moment i'm with him the conversations haunt and mock me. we've already had many conversations about it, but it seems like nothing is helping. i feel like if i wouldn't had caught him he wouldn't had been sorry. what do you think? any input would be so dearly appreciated!!

bf talking behind my back to ex gf, any advice?

6a4wrz

why do you wash his clothes and do his dishes? is he 8 years old?

relationship_advice

6a4wrz

it’s been a year since i first started to get obsessive thoughts. they attached onto me fast as i performed compulsions which consisted of regular checks of my moral thinking and assuring i’m a good person. several months past as i was coming up to my final test year. my mother became the stigma to these thoughts. at first i took no awareness to what i believed to be attraction towards my mother but soon after it started to get drastically worse. it all collapsed as my mam would walk in to the fireplace wearing leggings which were skin tight(getting seriously anxious writing this)and it seemed to me she liked the attention which she believed to be me looking at her while she would bend down to put the wood in the fire. furthermore, as she would walk out she would stare at me firmly waiting for me to stare back and then would smile and walk out. the feeling of anxiety which this brought is nothing i can explain. i started to cry and felt as if i was sick for having such thoughts and urges. these thoughts became reoccurring and would happen every hour leaving me in a horrible state of mind. my mind was constantly vibrating, heart heavily pounding, feelings of depersonalisation began, the hole in my chest was mistaken as the feeling of love and attraction. i couldn’t take it anymore. with 2 months until my leaving cert(final tests) i decided to avoid my mother. this was a major compulsion unknown to me at this time. i stayed upstairs and never talked to her because the sound of her voice made me feel as if i was going to have a heart attack. it got so bad i ended up leaving to stay with my dad. there, things got slightly better but after 2 weeks it got extremely worse. i couldn’t sleep because the thought of sexual intercourse with my mother was constant and didn’t stop for several hours. if i did sleep, i would wake up at 6 with my mind racing and would have to go downstairs and run around the house or tap my feet continuously. one of the nights i started to run around in circles for 1 hour. the anxiety was overwhelming and it was killing me inside. my mother found out when she confronted me about my sexual attraction to her. i told her they were intrusive and unwanted thoughts which were not easily prevented. she understood and we immediately seeked help. after a week of searching, we found a psychiatrist who specialised in ocd treatment and cbt therapy. the physiatrist diagnosed me with ocd (pure-ocd in particular) and i was so shocked as previously i never suffered from any symptoms of a common ocd syndrome like washing hand, cleaning room etc. i immediately was put on prescribed antidepressants which helped to bring my mood up as i was suffering for minor depression which the ocd brought about. here i am after 2 weeks of erp every day and slowly but surely i’m recuperating. i want to let everyone know that whatever type of illness you have don’t be afraid to tell someone. in my case it was something private and i am proud that i told my mam because she has been so helpful throughout this truly horrific period of my life. stay strong!

my ocd (caution:disturbing)

8mnjgq

what the hell is "pre-ocd"? still, well done in reaching out - ocd is notoriously hard to treat unless managed in its early stages.

mentalhealth

8mnjgq

hi! i'm 22/female, 5'2 and 58kg, filipino. i'm experiencing headaches for the past 3 weeks already (although i no longer experience severe headaches as before) and my ent doctor told me that he felt 2 swollen lymph nodes on my neck. i was, of course, anxious when it was confirmed. in fact, our family has a history of cancer and my mom was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer so we are extra wary when we experience discomfort and abnormalities in our body. hence, he referred me for ct scan so he can check and to rule out my complaints. but every time i hear the word radiation, it negatively affects me. should i be worried if i'll be exposed with radiation from ct scan? i heard it is one of the causes of cancer. as much as i want to avoid getting it by having a professional check, it might also the reason to have it. ​ your advice and enlightenment will surely help me.

should i be worried about the radiation from ct scan?

bbxq3h

ct is a safe diagnostic instrument. unless you are getting a huge amount of them in a short period of time, don't worry. that said, it's not a toy, and should only be used if there is a medical reason to.

askdocs

bbxq3h

when we are kids, we have no care for the distant future and have crazy fantasies . these fantasies slowly transform into logical aspirations as we move on to the adolescent age. we form intentions for ourselves of being a certain kind of person , who has a certain type of life . some are able to achieve at least some of it. most just stop caring. a few others remaining suffer. / / i play this game called europa universalis 4, a lot. it is a strategy game in which we start our campaign as a country in a real historical-timeline , and we take decisions like attacking or befriending another country. simple stuff. / /many times i get bored with a campaign. it just gets boring and frustrating to keep on playing that campaign. and there is nothing you can do about it. so i go to the game menu and i start a new campaign ,with a different country , different timeline , and this time i do things a little differently. / / sometimes in life , you get so far away from what the very core of you wanted to become ,far away from the kind of person you wanted to be , far away from the possibility of following your dreams, that it just doesnt seem worth it. / / yes , things can change , but they usually dont ,especially not without any help from the outside. / / life becomes like that boring eu4 campaign , where the only way to make it interesting is to go back in time and do things differently , which is only possible is you have a save-file you can load or you start a new game. / / when you dont like who you are , what you are ,and can't help yourself to change , i would rather chose to close the game , if not start a new campaign. / / life seems easy when you are not depressed , but real when you are. living in a constant state of sadness and disappointment is no way to live . / / besides , you are going to die one day anyways.if you are smart enough to not believe in any religious-god bs , you would understand how much life is destination-less. / / i dont want other people to kill themselves , but i won't say that about myself.

why killing yourself is justified(if only we had a save/load option in real life)...

3e7rim

i can relate to most of what you said, and am sorry that you are suffering. :( depression, as you stated, is an almost nearly constant state of discontent and lack of pleasure that wears you down day after day. sometimes it seems like there is no relief in sight. fortunately, there are things you can do and places you can go for help. there are plenty of professionals out there very skilled in helping others overcome depression. i hope that you can find the right person for you to talk to. the comment about being smart enough to not believe in religion tells me something about the negative way you view the world. don't get me wrong - i don't necessarily believe in god or subscribe to any single religion, but i don't think doing so makes you illogical, silly, or stupid and i don't think i'm superior for not believing. we need something to help us find meaning in life. i do believe that we are spiritual beings, so i'd suggest you open your mind to the possibilities.

depression

3e7rim

i could go in depth about my particular situation but i wouldn't make the situation justice. what are the little differences between just being nice and actually dropping hints? i'm stupid :(

how to differentiate between politeness and flirting? girls are confusing

50kofk

sometimes you can't be sure without trying to escalate things a bit. try asking her out to get coffee or something of that nature. if she's interested, she'll run with it. if not, she'll be kind of vague about it. if she does accept and the date goes well, ask her out again. it's the only way to be sure. some girls are flirty and talkative by nature, but generally they will give you signals of interest as you try to escalate things as well. being flaky or evasive is a good sign that she's not interested.

socialskills

50kofk

hi fellas, got stuck with a question which bothers me now a lot. i'm a school leaver willing to study something connected with it at university with plans to go abroad then after a while. however, my first language isn't english and i wonder at which rate i should know it for this to be enough for getting a serious job or living in english-speaking country. i presume that my level of knowledge is sufficient for that (passed fce exam last year and have made some progress towards cae level already), but my teacher also wants me to take and pass cae exam. if there are any benefits for non-native english speaker after getting the c2 certificate, what are they? i suppose that for this moment it may be a waste of money, though it appears that i got enough skills to pass it already (some additional crash course is optional - 4 months is left). shouldn't the b2 certificate with a mark be enough (for?..)? what should i consider to do? gotta come up with at least some reasonable suggestion before tomorrow's evening, help me out please. though i'm struggling with making such a tough decision with all my knowledge, i may still make silly mistakes lol, sorry for the incompetence :d

should i take cae cambridge exam?

5vsfz3

maybe you could work backwards to find the solution. what level of english proficiency would be expected for a job that you would aspire to apply for?

needadvice

5vsfz3