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one of my family members drinks everything and last time i called her out on it she flipped out for days. she has went days here and there without drinking and it's such a better person. what do i do to change her habits? what can i do? | should i let someone in my family keep drinking every night or call them out on it? | 7ame6f | you can’t make her do anything which is the hardest part about this situation. she has to want to change on her own. all you can do is state your concerns and be supportive while taking care of yourself and setting limits. it is not your job nor is it possible to change someone’s habits or behaviors. this is easy to say but much harder to do and realize with people you care about. good luck. | advice | 7ame6f |
i’m 49, married, two teen kids, employed in a good job and from the outside appear happy and content. ive been binge drinking since my teens which crept up to daily drinking when i lost both my folks in 2004. i’m back to weekend binging now, mostly as self medication for anxiety and loneliness but also socially. my partner works anti social hours and i spend a lot of weekends on my own. i’ve managed three months without booze earlier this year, but the boozing has been regular since my late 20s. a couple of weekends ago i had a fairly major breakdown, went to the doctors and got mediation for anxiety and depression. to help stop the loneliness, i reached out to an old friend and we went out on friday night. i had the intention of a couple or three beers but we both ended up drinking far more. i repeated this on saturday night at a local gig and while it was good for my soul to see people and socialise, i had a massive breakdown yesterday due to anxiety and had panic attacks all day. went back to the drs, yesterday had my meds increased, bought the naked mind and have made the decision to sort the reasons for my drinking out once and for all. i’ve had success with cbt and my anxiety in the past, so would like to explore that for both my problem with booze and causes and solutions to my anxiety. has anyone got an experiences with cbt and alcohol problems they can share? | my intro. cbt question. day 2 no booze | 9ezgo4 | hi. i know the centre for clinical interventions website has some very good resources re cbt for anxiety, depression etc. while they are not specifically what you asked for they might help you. the cbt principals are similar whatever the difficulty. best wishes. iwndwyt. | stopdrinking | 9ezgo4 |
so, before i get to the topic of this post, i'll explain my diagnosis and what lead me to write this. a little under two months ago, i was kind of diagnosed with aspergers (high-functioning, but aspergers nontheless). i say kind of because it was my psychiatrist and a social worker who diagnosed me, not my therapist (so it was similar to saying "this is what we think you have" rather than actually diagnosing me). my therapist disagrees with everyone else, and says that if i am on the spectrum, i would have pdd-nos. the only reason he says that is because he can "tell if a person has aspergers by looking at them, an aspergers radar if you will" (his words, not mine). he (my therapist) has been very vocal on the subject, and is really trying to change my opinion on the matter (which is in agreement with my psychiatrist and social worker). so, the reason i am writing this is because i'm not sure if i (nor my therapist) should make a huge distinction between aspergers and pdd-nos. they are very similar, and making such a distinction seems like nitpicking. i am curious as to what others think on the matter. ---------- some additional information (not required to read): part of the reason my therapist thinks i don't have aspergers is because in freshman and sophmore year of highschool i took acting lessons (a requirement). those classes helped me talk more confidently, keep eye contact with people, and hold myself in more confidently. just some more backstory. | pdd-nos vs aspergers | 19vnlf | here are the diagnostic criteria for asperger's disorder: WEBLINK you pretty obviously do not have autistic disorder. if you don't fit the diagnostic criteria linked above, you don't have asperger's either. if you have a number of social/communicative symptoms of the various pdd's (which basically means asperger's if you were not diagnosed as a child), but not enough to be diagnosed with asperger's specifically, a professional can use their judgment to decide that you have pdd-nos (and it is a judgment call based on a number of clinical/ethical considerations). your psychiatrist and social worker should not diagnose you just by looking at you, but if you give them an honest account of your experiences and they have no reason to distrust you, and your description meets the criteria for asperger's, they are not technically required to do any special tests or assessments. all you have to do is meet the criteria in the book. that being said, many professionals will choose to do some tests, or at least asks some very specific questions, in order to rule out other diagnoses and double check that your results are generally in sync with others with the disorder. if they are doing this in an interview, you may not even realize they are doing it. this is good to do, but not required. one thing that bothers me about your therapist is that he is being very vocal about anything at all and trying to change your opinion about anything at all. therapists really are not supposed to anything of the sort. pushing personal opinions onto clients violates the most basic tenants/ethics of most accepted theories of counseling, and i would be wary of that sort of unprofessional behavior. most therapists work by encouraging self-reflection that directs the client toward insight and, eventually, healthier ways of thinking and behaving that are personally meaningful and relevant to the client. the client ultimately discovers all of the options and makes all of the choices. if a therapist is telling you what to think, feel, believe, or do in (almost) any way, they are not doing it right. | aspergers | 19vnlf |
age: 23 sex: f height: 163cm? weight: 57kg for the past few weeks i've been sleeping very few hours a night (about 4hrs on average) and been waking up fine but i've travelled overseas two weeks ago with a 7 hour time difference and been sleeping even less since (1-5 hrs at most) and when i have managed to sleep longer it was after taking a bit of xanax and a few drinks. what can i do? i don't really wake up feeling tired or anything but i'm sure it's not good for me. i'd been having stupid bad panic attacks since coming overseas also but i think it was related mostly to a relationship breakup right before coming over than lack of sleep? i've also had no appetite for the last 2 weeks. i've been trying to follow the usual sleep hygiene advice etc but i just can't fall asleep or if i do i wake between an hour or half an hour later and then lay awake for ours until finally falling asleep again for 1-3hrs more. pls help. should i just try get some valium? | insomnia | f7u1zx | more sleeping tablets (ie benzos), and alcohol, is just going to fuck you up more. stop the tabs, stick to a routine, avoid caffeine/tobacco in the evenings, and dont put any pressure on yourself to sleep. and give yourself plenty of time. WEBLINK | askdocs | f7u1zx |
i'm grateful for the support and care for others from this community. aa didn't work for me, and this place has offered the structure, support, and understanding that i need. i've posted a few times on here about recovery but never about drinking. i was an out of control binge drinker. i fought with my husband, had crying fits. when i turned 18 my driver's licence was suspended for a few years from underage drinking arrests. then when i was 20 i got arrested for public intoxication and lost my ability to get my licence again. that's what saved me from getting a dui. i have no illusions about that. i drank when i went back to college. i failed math courses because i was too fuzzy to deal with polynomials. i drank tiny bottles of liquor at 2 and had blinding headaches by 9. i was scared and sad and under performing. i got a job at what turned out to be a half decent restaurant in the end because no one else called me back. i was miserable, underpaid, and often hungover. i was constantly scared and suicidal. sometimes i'd get crushing hangovers. just immense pain and nausea, a complete inability to move. it was terrible. this happened throughout my drinking career. weirdly, i started to drink a bit less. never more than four drinks or so. even that amount sometimes knocked me out the next day, but at least i wasn't black out and out of control. i'd had enough. i was 28. one day i decided not to drink to see if i'd feel better. not being hungover was a nice change. my anxiety disappeared in the next few weeks. my life has changed dramatically. my room is decorated to my tastes for the first time in years; my mood and outlook are 100 times better; work is going great; my marriage is fantastic. it all happened in dribs and drabs. there was never a big moment after which things were different. just a lot of little good decisions i was able to make because i was sober that led to my current happiness. | 3 days from 2 years without a drink | 5zkxx5 | congrats! i won't drink with you today. <3 | stopdrinking | 5zkxx5 |
is it only a consisted a suicide attempt if you end up in the hospital critical care, needing medical interference to stop you from dying? yes or no? (edited: since examples confuse people which leads to unhelpful answers) | what is a suicide attempt? | dj2b8p | hi. i work in a psychiatric hospital and can give you what we (as in my facility) considers an attempt: it is an active execution of any kind of plan designed to kill yourself, directly or indirectly. it involves am active planning process and involves you looking to that plan. it can be methodical (i will kill myself at x time using y method and ensuring z circumstances) or it can be impulsive in nature (this was all planned out on some level but due to other factors is not playing out totally like planned). generally we consider an "attempt" as failed by nomenclature. this may or may not involve injury or need medical attention. you may have set up everything meticulously and was on the verge of initiating the method and decided to stop. i consider that an attempt. regardless, getting that far into the process, whether it was planned or more impulsive, and whether or not it implies medical attention is needed, is serious. what is most important is that something prevented the attempt from succeeding and ensuring the person is safe and taken care of afterwards. | mentalhealth | dj2b8p |
title basically sums it up. i've quit weed before and it's never been as bad as it is right now, but this time just by coincidence with friends and family i've had around 3 beers a day and just felt tipsy, not drunk, for the past 4 days and now on day 5 i feel very much not myself and am not sure if it's the weed or the alcohol that's done it. i'm not usually a regular drinker so i'm not sure how much a couple of 6 packs has affected me. thanks! | been drinking a few beers a day since i last smoked (4 days), is that what's making me feel so off? | 75g7ps | it's a combination of withdrawal effects from not smoking plus an added shift in your neurotransmitters from alcohol. if possible, try a day or two without drinking. get some exercise. sleep well. | leaves | 75g7ps |
well, i've just recently realized this, and i'm not entirely sure if i did before and didn't notice it or if it came out of nowhere, but many times during the day, moslty when i'm talking to someone, watching tv or listening to an audiobook/reading, i tend to repeat the words in my head the moment i hear them, it's almost automatic. i was under the impression that it was just the way it worked, but after doing some slight research i've come to the conclusion that it might not be the case. i don't think it always happens, and if it does, i'm not aware of it, but when i do become aware of it it turns somewhat annoying. so, what's up with all that, should i be worried? | repeating what i hear, is it normal? | 9mtrlq | repeating words, phrases, numbers, etc. in your head to yourself is normal for the purposes of memorization, as an example. repeating them just for the sake of repeating them is not something i would consider "normal," and i would definitely inquire more about these occurrences. it's like it takes the form of echolalia, but it doesn't quite fit. i'd be interested to know if you move your lips when repeating things back to yourself, or if you have ever caught yourself talking out loud? maybe a friend or parent might know, or could let you know if they catch you doing it. as the other poster mentioned, unless it begins to significantly impact your daily functioning in multiple areas, you need not go rushing to the doctor or anything like that. i would say to keep an eye on it, although i don't think that will be too hard. :) if you notice it getting worse, especially around certain times of day, if you experience headaches/migraines or vomiting, confusion, difficulty speaking or remembering words, then i might check in with my pcp (primary care physician) who then might refer you to a neuropsychologist or some other type of therapist, depending on his/her assessment. | mentalillness | 9mtrlq |
i am a democrat living in a republican state. it sucks, very much. i need help because it's giving me all kinds of problems and i need to know how to deal with them. any advice is greatly appreciated! thanks in advance! :d | my political view is giving me problems! dx | 2d4h15 | as a flaming liberal (who is also gay and atheist) i can relate. up until recently i lived in mississippi (aka redder than red state). thankfully, now i live in new york, but those 4 years in mississippi were rough. my advice: avoid political discussions if you know that the audience is extremely conservative or won't even have a real discussion with you(i had a coworker *literally* believed that obama was satan), or if it will just upset you. find like-minded friends/colleagues. even in mississippi i had very liberal, and even some socialist friends. they are in every state, just less frequent in some states. find a way to contribute to your cause/have an outlet for your views. i wrote for a left-wing newspaper and donated to liberal candidates. it was a way for me to satisfy that urge to talk about/contribute to my political views without dealing with arguments. remember that, despite political differences, people are people. many of my friends are quite conservative. we just agree to disagree. | needadvice | 2d4h15 |
i used to smoke a lot of weed (tried to get "as high as possible" on the weekends) and had a short intense bout with cocaine. i haven't used in about 5 months, and for the most part things have gotten way better. i feel much more clear headed, intelligent, my old hobbies are interesting again and i am generally in a better mood most of the time. however some things haven't changed, and this scares me. i feel like my empathy and emotional intelligence are still dulled or even completely absent at times. its like i smoked so much i became a sociopath. i have anxiety every other week or so, which feels persistently awful when its there. most significantly i feel really weird sometimes. i don't quite know how to explain it. its like reality is changed. its kind of like i'm high. like this morning i came back from a light jog and decided to take a shower. for some reason that relaxed feeling that comes with a jog felt was more than usual and i couldn't stop looking into the mirror and seeing myself in this weird way. its like i was there, but it was foriegn. its hard to explain, but sometimes everything around me is like this. its like reality is there, but someone colored it in differently, its rich, foreign, and kind of scary. if i was high this would make sense, but i'm not, nor have i been for months now. has anyone else experienced anything like this? does it go away? any thoughts on the other issues (anxiety, empathy etc)? | sober from drugs for 5 months, reality still feels "weird" sometimes... | 3u9udl | i couldn't find many reliable resources for this with the 2 minutes i spent on google, but i've known a lot of people who experienced something called post-acute withdrawal syndrome. basically it can take a while, even as long as 18 months - 2 years, for your brain chemistry to readjust to living in balance without those additional substances. also, if you're anything like me, you probably smoked to avoid dealing with your feelings. as you overuse/abuse one coping skill (drugs) you fail to develop/exercise other coping skills to help you with life. then you get sober and it's like having a few layers of skin scrubbed off and getting dipped in lemon juice. i smoked a lot and i felt like it took a full 60 days to have the "fog" lift and for my emotions to start coming back... and then it was like i was on a roller coaster with no brakes. long and short of it is, it takes time. try reaching out to your support system, talking about it, being honest about how you feel, maybe journaling or making art or exercising, whatever helps you. and counseling might be a good idea too. congrats on 5 months, come check out r/leaves if you want to hang with some fellow ex-stoners :) | redditorsinrecovery | 3u9udl |
... still drunk, and drove myself to work. it was election day. i got sent home from work (driven by a coworker) where i passed out and pissed myself. when i woke up, the election was over, and i was scared i was gonna lose my job and get kicked out of my sober house. it’s been a long journey, to get here. i’ve wanted to relapse so many times, but each time i remembered just how not worth it drinking was. a lot of ice cream to distract from the cravings. keep up the good fight, everyone. | 3 years ago, i woke up... | dtfqpx | ice cream has been an essential part of my recovery!! congrats on 3 years!! | stopdrinking | dtfqpx |
dae have high iq and low social intelligence? i feel like no one "sees" me or takes me seriously when i ask for help/say im struggling. they just say "oh youre so smart though!!" i just stay quiet and mirror to act like i know whats going on. its like theres the actual language used to communicate, which i get, and then the body and facial language which is alot harder... and then like this whole other world of guess what people really mean and why, which is impossible and then i get yelled just getting it. people just assume bc im smart i know whats going on which is confusing af bc i have no clue whats really going on... or if i do im never sure if im missing something | high iq, low social intelligence... feeling invisible and scared | e17syb | wow this is 100% me. you put this into words in a way i've never thought about before. it is horrible. | aspergers | e17syb |
so i've just now come to terms with the fact this disorder will haunt me the rest of my life, making it very challenging, unenjoyable piece of shit of an experience, thus i realize i can only accept that my mind will twist everything against me with 0 logic despite me being 1200% aware of them because this disorder is wicked. i have massive issues with the lack of self or identity, for fuck sake i have many good dear friends, yes i'm aware how lucky i am to have them with this piece of shit disorder, but like i can't even chill around my friends, i just don't know how to act or what to say, i'm able to say something random or crack some jokes but i have constant anxiety and overthinking about everything i do even with friends. and i keep thinking about this constantly, how i have no idea who i am. i used to think i will find myself one day, well shit if i have this disorder that ain't gonna happen. i have to switch music genres i listen to in about 2-3 month cycles, so i have really hard time enjoying music. oh as a kid i loved skating, sucked at it first but practiced 200% to a mental degree and got really good, oh i lost interest. only for this pattern to keep showing up with hobbies throughout my childhood: me getting into something -> i love improving the most -> practice like a maniac, get to a skill level that would much promise a professional success -> lose interest. nothing i ever do or enjoy sticks. everyday, every moment i think about how i should start sleeping well, eating well, exercising, trying to be more positive, stop substance abuse, actually work on getting myself better. only to realize that life will still forever be extremely fucking difficult for me, since in addition i've got adhd and awful anxiety and panic disorders as well. i prefer to smoke weed to calm my brain down, even if in return i don't quite get shit done, what's the point in trying to be sober if i'm hardwired to feel fucking ill as hell sober? like come on. i'm so fucking aware of these symptoms, all the fucked up thoughts and ridiculous bullshit, but i simply have 0 control over them huh? so i rather be high all the time than process some feelings that make no sense. it gets very tiring constantly overthinking on and on with no end. &#x200b; sure my post reflects rather pessimistic world view, but honestly, looking at only depressed people: with time, effort, therapy etc. it gets better, life will feel worthwhile someday. but when i look at people with bpd it genuinely feels something impossible to overcome, it's so fucking irrational in the first place. i just see people, be it younger or 20 years older than me, perhaps saying they feel better or whatever but in the end still fucking miserable lives. how do you accept it? i'm bored of the "every single human with mental issues, severe, mild, or totally fucking insane, will get better and one day be happy if they just work for it! exercise! yada yada." overall i'm very talented at functioning better on drugs, guess it has to do with adhd that i appear more 'sober'/'normal' if i'm drunk, or on anything unless seriously overdone. if only, since i can hide being on drugs so well, i could not feel any shame in that i show up in public and even school, since i was 12 on drugs, only because if people knew they would judge me so badly, while i'm the most empathetic and kind person they probably meet in quite a radius. the thought in my head that no matter how nice and kind i am to people, they'll think i'm a scary monster for being on drugs constantly even thought they can't tell. if they knew.. | how do i accept the rest of my life will suck major dick? | 9of4df | radical acceptance and opposite action helped me. my life is shitty sometimes, but amazing other times. i've gotten a handle on a lot and really come through hard times | bpd | 9of4df |
i’m 26 male, who’s 5’5” who lives in british columbia. east indian ethnicity. duration on injury is two months. medication is mainly ibuprofen. is this treatable or am i gonna have chronic pain forever.... august 2019 injured my lower back running. diagnosed as a muscle strain...december 2019 injured lower back again. went to my doctor who ordered an x-ray. the results were: “there is no sign of spondylolisthesis. no other abnormality seen in the vertebral elements of the intervertebral discs.” it continues.... “mild to moderate lumbosacral facet arthrosis. l5/s1 disc moderate disc narrowing is likely developmental with no degenerative secondary changes” based on this x-ray report...my pain is most likely due to the facet joint, right? my symptoms are as followed -pain is only on the right side lower back -pain is triggered when bending backwards or sitting -pain is not always constant. -basically pain free when active or laying down my doctor gave me hope by saying this issue is treatable, but it’s been a few weeks. i’m finding it less likely that it is. looking for some insight from some you guys on this issue. is this issue treatable? recovery time? recommendations? what should be my next steps? | need a physician to tell me if i’m treatable or gonna have to live a life of chronic pain... | eymehj | there's very poor correlation between imaging and pain. some spines look like disasters but feel fine, and other time the imaging is pretty unremarkable but the pain is severe. as long as there's no acute problem picked up, an x-ray or mri can't tell you much. the usual best recommendation for back pain is physical therapy. if you need a referral, ask your doctor. otherwise, go find a physical therapist. (not a chiropractor!) | askdocs | eymehj |
on paper i have the perfect life, and regardless of have weathering some pretty horrific storms, am proud to have kept most of my marbles in tact throughout . yet now in my mid 30’s i feel like cracks are forming, and can’t help but feel like it’s the start of some mental illness because of my family history. i have zero self confidence, always overcompensate and over share/talk in almost every interaction with another person. i constantly put myself down and get pulled up for it all the time by people i’m close to, but just can’t help it, i say derogatory things about myself that i think people are thinking, in a jokey way just so they can’t say it first. i have full blown conversations with myself with no one else in the room, normally about justifying my actions/point of view about something, before i’d do it mostly when i’d had a disagreement with someone and didn’t get to say what i wanted, so i would say what i wanted in a lengthy monologue to myself lol! but now i find i’m doing it over every day normal things too that don’t really require discussion?! i shout at my kids too much and worry constantly that i’m fucking them up in the future, and honestly they are my reason to live, so i really really don’t want to fuck that up. had a very rough childhood, mum was mentally ill for a lot of it, and dad brought us up like soldiers our nickname for him was hitler. parents are quite old now but they look after my two siblings as they’re incapable of working/driving because of their strong meds, i worry constantly about what would happen to them both if anything happened to my parents. not attention seeking but feeling really shitty right now, and any words of encouragement would be helpful. | my mom and two older siblings are all diagnosed schizophrenics, my siblings were both diagnosed in their late teens, but my mom wasn’t diagnosed until her late 40’s, i constantly worry that i will be next, to the point that i obsessively overanalyse everything i do and say, can anyone relate? | 8yjal4 | it’s always scary when folks have schizophrenia in their family as there is a big genetic component to it. i know this is something a few of my close friends worry about constantly. keep this in mind though, for most folks, schizophrenia hits in your early 20’s if you’re male and mid-late 20’s if you’re female. you mentioned that you’re in your 30’s. if you haven’t experienced any severe delusional thinking or auditory hallucinations (hearing voices of people that arent there) yet then you’re most likely in the clear. not everyone who has a parent with schizophrenia develops it themselves. one extra thing to consider. when you know you have it in your genetics it’s extra important to stay away from marijuana and especially psychedelic drugs. while they’re pretty much harmless to most people, some studies have suggested that they can cause latent schizophrenia to become active. i’m sorry you had to experience the childhood you did. it might be worth getting your own therapy in order to process your experience and find ways to keep it from impacting your functioning today. p.s. a lot of people talk to themselves as a way of organizing their thoughts. this doesn’t indicate mental illness and so long as it’s not a matter of you talking to voices you’re hearing, it’s nothing to worry about. | mentalhealth | 8yjal4 |
i guess this is to be expected? | depression when starting exposure therapy | 5cv7mn | depression is common with ocd. also, expect that your anxiety/ depression will get better and worse while eventually subsiding during the treatment process. that being said, bring this up with your therapist during your next meeting. | ocd | 5cv7mn |
greetings. 32 y/o male, 175 pounds. this past month i have been experiencing trouble with my equilibrium, kind of feels like dizziness/vertigo, constant. i have not fallen or anything like that and can walk/run no problem, thank god knock on wood. cognitive function is good and no memory problems, no problems moving my other limbs. my gp initially suspected bppv but is not so sure. it feels like i’m a rocking boat most of the time. i also get these periodic “brain zaps”, like an electric sensation that goes through my brain, lasts a split second but enough to frighten the daylights out of me. i do have tinnitus, most likely from a lifetime of headphone use and concert going. constant headache/brain fog, feels like the back/top of my head. no hearing loss as confirmed by two audiologists and one (very dismissive) ent, who did not take my complaints seriously and implied i had mental health issues. i have moved to a new city, have a new gp, who is referring me to a new ent, and mri/ct scheduled. no current drugs. i have a severe vitamin d deficiency i am working on correcting, just started supplementing last week. all my life i have been a very healthy individual, prone to ear infections, but other than that, nothing. some have suggested anxiety, looking at other possibilities or anything of note. thank you for your time, this is a trying time in my life. | anxiety or is it something worse | 8b3vu5 | anxiety usually makes you feel *anxious* and not like you're literally on shaky ground. bppv usually comes episodically, not constantly; you can have some feeling of dizziness between episodes, but it should have distinct peaks and troughs. if it's really constant, that argues a little bit against a vestibular problem and more for neurology. or anxiety, but i'd still call that a diagnosis of exclusion. treatment of bppv is straightforward and benign if you can find someone who knows how to do epley/sermont maneuvers. physical therapists are a decent bet in my (limited) experience. | askdocs | 8b3vu5 |
my boyfriend and i have been together for over 4 years now. we have lived together almost as long (3 months short). we have a great relationship. we complement each other, have a lot in common, and support each other. we own a house together, both work, and are financially stable. i am honestly and completely in love with him. the problem is that i am ready to get married and start having a family, and he will not even discuss it with me. i am ready for that commitment, but i have no idea where he stands. every time i mention marriage or having a baby, he changes the subject on me. i feel that we are only getting older, and it is going to be harder to conceive the older we get. i'm also afraid that this is not what he wants at all and by the time we figure it out, it will be too late. so, what do i do? how do i bring up the conversation to get the answers i need? | how do i (28f) convince my (32m) boyfriend of 4 years that it's time to get married and have a family? | 60edb8 | this is a huge problem. insist he go to therapy with you to talk it out. | relationship_advice | 60edb8 |
its all such bullshit. all the "treatments" for depression, the cbt all that bullshit. to be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. you have to be "doing well" as society sees it. all the self love, deluding and fighting with your own thoughts isn't going to make you happy. there is no such thing as unconditional love. nobody is really "there for you". if your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you. we dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .you have to be somebody people want to be around. genuine, interesting and not needy. my faith right now is in pharmaceuticals. as a person i am useless to society unless i can radically change my personality and induce happiness. also, i've noticed when im happy its because i've achieved some goal or im doing well. but when im depressed its because im failing but it also makes me more aware of the suffering in the world. all i can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness. its like to be happy you have to block out other people and the rest of the world. you cant have a good time and think about the suffering in the world at the same time. it all feels so ugly. people are only nice when they feel happy and they are only happy when they are keeping up with everyone else and everyone is scared of being alone and having nothing. | nobody cares about you unless you have something to offer. | 3fi363 | >to be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. you have to be "doing well" as society sees it. you would be surprised how many people who are "successful" who are miserable. that is because what society tells us will make us happy isn't necessarily what makes us happy. >if your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you. true, a person would have to be a very good friend to help a depressed individual. that doesn't mean they don't exist. >we dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .you have to be somebody people want to be around. genuine, interesting and not needy. most friendships are based on reciprocal needs being fulfilled, true. if one person is doing all of the taking, and giving nothing in return it will be difficult to maintain a friendship. unless you are friends with a person who only wants someone they can give to. > all i can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness. that's because people with depression have distorted thinking. i've felt extreme levels of hopelessness, and the feeling that the world is nothing but misery. that isn't a rational thought, however. | depression | 3fi363 |
age:73 sex: f height: 5'5", weight: 150 smoker of a pack a day duration 2 months symptoms: none medications:n/a how common is it for someone to be referred for surgery by a pulmonologist for lung cancer based only on a pet scan without a biopsy or any further testing. the nodule did show up on pet scan, but just barely and not as expected from cancer (from doctor's description). doctor said, "it's cancer until we prove it's not". | cancer but not cancer | bhcwvg | there's a difference between the doctor saying "it's definitely cancer until we know it isn't" and "we have to treat it like it could be cancer until we know it isn't." if it's the latter, that explains the invasive workup. depending on what's seen and the location, it may take a surgeon going in quite invasively to get a biopsy and know what it is. if the mass is small enough and deep enough, a vats resection will both remove whatever it is and, since it's now retrieved, allow pathologists to confirm whether it's cancer or not. | askdocs | bhcwvg |
if so, how does it differ from social anxiety? | is antisocial personality disorder still a relevant term? | 1y3h00 | aspd refers to long standing maladaptive (harmful or destructive) patterns of behavior that includes destruction of property, breaking of laws, hurting people, etc. not in any way anxiety. beyond that, even if "antisocial" meant "asocial" (socially withdrawn, isolating essentially), it would still exist along with social anxiety because of the implication of a personality disorder (axis ii) verses "mental" disorders (axis i). axis i disorders are what you think of when you usually think of as mental illness. axis i includes everything from anxiety to ptsd to depression through to schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders. contrast this to axis ii disorders, or personality disorders. like i said about aspd above, personality disorders are characterized by long standing maladaptive patterns of behaviors. rather than possibly being caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, these disorders are usually learned in early to middle childhood and solidified during adolescence and early adulthood. they are extremely difficult to treat, partly because they are such strong tendencies and partly because someone who might be diagnosed with a personality disorder will feel that they are fine and everyone else has the problem. if you look into personality disorders, you'll see that they often have components that might be associated with many other disorders. it's also interesting to note that in some circles, there has been talk that dysthymia (long term, low grade depression) might be better classified as a personality disorder. this would not interfere with the classification as depression in any way. | mentalhealth | 1y3h00 |
(31/m, 6’1-180lbs) my summary and daily/weekly substance use since june 2017 •wake up(roughly 9:00am) and take: -120 mg vyvanse or 60mg vyvanse and 30mg ir adderall (adhd/focusenergy) -3-4 grams of kratom WEBLINK or 4mg suboxone sublingual strip(pain) -3-4 grams of phenibut WEBLINK (social confidence, less social anxiety) -40mg of librium or 1 mg alprazolam (takes the edge off) -a swig of vodka (numbing, relaxing) -1-2 hits from a strong thc oil vape pen or a bong hit of plant (amusement, heightened creativity and interpretation) -wellbutrin (depression) -bupropion xl (depression) -1mg finasteride (male pattern baldness) -400 mg l-theanine (it helps, i think) -1 multivitamin (gotta stay healthy right?) -milk thistle (my poor liver) -horny goat weed (stamina) -probiotic (bowel regulation) •fall back asleep for 1 hour until amphetamines kick in and i get up at roughly 10:00am -make vodka and coffee/orange juice drink when i get up and continuously drink throughout the day, usually whipped vodka and orange juice or vodka ginger ale(avg a fifth to a liter a day). if no vodka available i will drink hard seltzer’s all day over ice in a foam cup. can drink anywhere from 12-24 a day. i’m a fish. -am high on marijuana all day and night whether through an oil pen or smoking plant *** roughly a fifth to a liter of vodka a day ***roughly a 1/4oz of marijuana a day •1:00/2:00pm (or every 4 hours) -re dose kratom -re dose phenibut -re dose librium or alprazolam -75-100mg of mdma (motivation, energy) if there is something i have to get done that day. -1/8th of a gel tab of lsd(ive been microdosing). ill eat a few mushrooms if planning on being outside. maybe more depending on what i was doing that day. •afternoon/evening (or every 4 hours) -re dose kratom -re dose phenibut -re dose librium -1 60mg vyvanse or 1/2 30mg instant release adderol(more if i plan to go out) -re dose mdma (depending on what i was doing that day or how depressed/anxious/unhappy i was. definitely more if i go out) •weekly: -500mg testosterone cyprionate or enanthate week also: ***have smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for 11 years, although i have cut down a lot by using disposable vape pens *** i have stacked the testosterone on two separate times with 200mg trenbolone enanthate a week (strength) ***i was/am a sex addict as well. i use to be addicted to porn and masturbation but that’s one addiction i was able to overcome.(people don’t realize how terrible that shit is for you). anything for instant gratification and a rush of dopamine. •some background: i have always been an addict and addiction has ruled my life. my usage is at the point i’m scared full recovery won’t be possible, especially neurologically, but still holding out hope. i would be very surprised if i don’t have neurotoxicity or severe liver and hormone damage(even though somehow, someway, doctors have ran tests and have never mentioned anything that troubled them).i have pushed the human body about as far as it can go in my short 31 years. i’m honestly surprised my body hasn’t shut down. if you saw me you would probably think i was in terrific shape but i’m scared that inside it’s a whole different story. i have severe adhd, depression, anxiety and hypersensitivity. after doing some research/self reflecting i’ve realized my pride and ego have been a big problem for me and that i have narcissistic tendencies(although i think our culture makes everyone have narcissistic tendencies). it keeps me from asking for help, always trying to do it on my own. i have always been popular socially as i am outgoing, charismatic and have a good sense of humor. i feel like people genuinely enjoy being around me, but it’s the drugs and substances thathelp make me who i am and have helped me get to this point. this will sound arrogant but i think people would describe me as “unique”. i’m not a “bad drunk” or someone who you wouldn’t want to be around when he’s fucked up, i’m quite the opposite i would say. i know how, and love, to have a good time. unfortunately, being that guy is what my identity is wrapped up in. at least in my head it is. it has me always feeling the need to be “on”, and don’t want to disappoint people. i’ve somehow been able to keep up the appearance of functionality from the outside looking in, and actually have the most beautiful, amazing, caring girlfriend that i absolutely adore. she, my mother, sisters and nephews are really the only things that has kept me going. i have a good social standing but afraid my time is running out and i don’t have the energy anymore to keep up the charade. this quarantine, while i think it has hopefully opened my eyes and given me a chance to pivot my life for the positive, has been crippling. i’ve been going so hard for so long, and it has only increased since this quarantine. my mental health has seriously gone down hill during all this. the music has stopped, but my addictions have not. ive done and experienced a lot of things with the lifestyle i have lived but always knew there was a time coming when the ride would end one way or another. that time has come and i need help but i think i need the right help. my insurance covers only up to 30 days “partial hospitalization treatment” and that is including any days in a detox. i’ve been to and completed rehab twice(stayed relatively clean for a year after the first time in 2012. i was facing charges and had to complete drug court to avoid conviction and jail time. my addictions at that time weren’t as bad as they are now though. they say to addicts that “your addiction/situation isn’t special or different from any other addict’s” but that’s just not true imo. i have had a pretty crazy life and done a lot of different things and there are a lot of details i haven’t gotten into. i really think i would be a great case study for addiction and the toll it takes on a body, especially the long term effects of a lot of these newer mainstream/popular drugs like mdma/ecstasy and legal drugs such vyvanse, adderall, phenibut and kratom. if it got me the best help possible, i would be so down for being a test subject. there’s obviously some underlying issues from my past and childhood i haven’t fully dealt with to cause the pain i’m trying to cover up. my parents divorced when i was younger because my father was a severe addict/alcoholic. he died in 2007 from liver failure. growing up with the stigma of an addict for a parent you always have the feeling like you’re not as good as others who have a good family. my home life at my mom’s was very chaotic growing up and still is. my mother has been through a lot and is very strong but she can be manipulative and guilts me a lot covertly, or at least that’s how i interpret it. i have leaned on her a lot but it’s a vicious cycle of codependency. i’ve always wanted to just pack up and move away but i know it would crush her. she is also a hoarder. my sister and my autistic(pretty high on the spectrum) nephew live there as well so there’s no real “home” i have to go to. i grew up with the image of normalcy being chaos. my main purpose of this post is to get feedback on how you think i should go about getting the proper help. i’m cool with you telling me how dumb/stupid/reckless/careless i’ve been, but please give some advice, feedback or anything else along with it. i’m a hardcore addict down to my very core, and have luckily managed to avoid prison and death to this point. im very fortunate so coming here looking for any suggestions or thoughts on my situation and how i could go about seeking real answers from experts in addiction would be so much appreciated. thank you in advance to those who have read my ramble and to those who reply. need more details or have any questions feel free to ask me. someone asked what i do during the day: i did work in the bar/club/music scene (until covid). the work stopped but my use didn’t. it’s actually gotten worse. i watch a ton of documentaries and i am on the internet researching and reading a lot, trying to figure out my best plan of action. i have been going to national forests and hiking/biking trails to give me something to do to get outside, passing the time until my girlfriend gets home from work. i have found a lot of comfort in nature. i have been staying in between my moms and with my girlfriend who lives in a different city and have been fixing up things around her place, cleaning and cooking. basically a stay at home boyfriend. she knows i’m an addict but she doesn’t know the full scope of my addictions as i have become a master at hiding it. i’m scared to tell anybody, especially her. i’m never going to have the type of healthy relationship with her that i want unless i can get clean and happy. she is really the only bright spot in my life right now but that’s not fair to her or i. i’m bored and miserable, feeling no purpose a lot these days but the one perk of adhd is i get really hyper focused on something, and that right now is to figure out my best next move and best plan of action to turn my life around. i’ve been in really low places before and have fought back out of it, only to repeat the cycle. this low seems almost insurmountable but i am going to fight to try and get out of it. thanks for reading. edit for proof: WEBLINK update: i have been applying for long term treatment scholarships to cover the rest of what my insurance won’t. hoping to hear back soon but if not i plan on entering/starting detox on monday and if i can’t get a scholarship for long term treatment, i am going back to the last rehab i went to or another, hopefully far away so i can just work on me and not worry about anything else. i didn’t like the last rehab but i also didn’t take it as seriously as i should have the first time. at this point i’ll take whatever i can get. i’ve got a long road ahead of me but i will update when i can. thanks everyone for reaching out. update: hey guys, i appreciate everyone who has read/commented and checked to see how i was doing. i just completed 7 days of detox in a hospital and then 42 days in an inpatient treatment center in kentucky. i’m still not 100% but i have hope for the first time in years. while in treatment this time i actually absorbed the information on the 12 steps and even though i’m stubborn and have been reluctant, i am following through with it. my plan is to enter a sober living a community to help me transition back into the real word. after talking with psychiatrist, counselor, case manager they all agree this will be the most important aspect of recovery for me. i will be doing sober living in the nashville area at a very reputable place. for everyone who said my addiction was not special, you were absolutely right. while i was using more substances than most, our brains all think and act the same and i learned that. there are many like me unfortunately. the treatment center i went to was phenomenal and really cared for the patients. i have been sober for 51 days now. i continue to take my prescribed medications for antidepressants, adhd, anxiety, and have begun taking naltraxone orally to curb and make useless any use of opiates or alcohol. i still fight cravings daily and have had situations occur since being out that would have usually made me use but i have stayed the course. tbh marijuana is what i crave the most but i will be getting drug tested at sober living plus if i start smoking again, my brain will go to thinking other substances are ok. i can talk, think, speak, hear, listen so much more clearly now and have been able to latch on to a power greater than myself that i can look to for strength. but i am doing much better, i have hope in my future and have actually put the work in this time to help me get to a better place. | i need more than detox and a 30 day inpatient stay. my addictions are serious and i’m afraid i need the absolute best experts in addiction to reach real sobriety. and advice will help. | gg7kf4 | uk addictions psychiatrist here. you'd be a pretty unique case for me but i notice that you might be less alone in the us. its a moot point though, as addictions follow a fairly simple course. it's all about building up an understanding of your relationship with substances and seeking a plan b to cope with life (and any mental health or trauma issues) once cleaned up. however you do seem to have a lot of control over your use of substances, and id probably suggest that we use that to your benefit. conversely i think youre looking for a miracle cure or someone to rescue you. rehab essentially isnt a great way to recover as you go into a bubble and get thrown out back into the nasty real world afterward, but now with lower tolerances for substances (and the risk of death with it). id recommend that you deal with this in the community and with as much support from friends/family as you can, alongside any community recovery addictions support that you can identify. in the uk it would be an addictions keyworker with a psychiatrist like me providing additional support, and engagement in a recovery community led by those with lived experiences. the alcohol is problematic - in the uk id have recommended a community detox or a short hospital stay and then have you on protective medications (acamprosate, and supervised disulfiram) to support your abstinence. whoevers giving you your benzos should be shot. its enabling you than helping you. all the other drugs needs guided self-reduction really. and then its about reevaluating your mental health needs and opening up doors for whatever relevant treatment is applicable. or not, if sustained abstinence is enough. anyway im not in the us which i know works very differently to the uk so im going to defer to other people here. but good luck. | askdocs | gg7kf4 |
anyone else have issues with this in the beginning? right now i work about 80 hours a week and my only time to relax is friday and sunday evenings. all i can think about during those evenings is how badly i want to drink. i feel bored without it. i want to do other fun things in my free time but feel like i don't have the energy, so drinking often seems like the best solution. so lately all i've been doing is sitting around watching netflix, maybe doing some chores here and there, and quite frankly it's depressing. not sure how to start enjoying my days off again. | getting rid of the illusion that you need a drink to relax | 8st0j1 | yoga has really helped me. not for everyone...maybe check out yoga with adrienne on youtube. she has lots of short, simple yoga sequences on a range of topics from anxiety to depression, as well as yoga for physical health benefits. good luck. | stopdrinking | 8st0j1 |
went to happy hour to see a co-worker off today & drank too much damn iced tea. i'll be going to the bathroom a lot this evening but it won't be because i'm puking or doing rails of cocaine. and i'll probably not get enough sleep tonight & be tired when i wake up but at least i won't be hungover. thanks for being here, fellow sobernauts! iwndwyt! | i really love that the only side effect of drinking too much now is that i just have to piss a lot. not being hungover feels so damn good even when i'm tired af. | 8h4u8d | i hear ya. i.must be the most hydrated person for miles...tea. water. juice..... | stopdrinking | 8h4u8d |
hi all, male 31, 180cm, 71kg. ex- smoker. current medications: ranitidine 150 or 300mg/day. i have a question regarding the resting heart rate. in my case, that is around 50-60, and sometimes it even drops to 45, especially while lying in bed. my average sleeping hr is around 48-53 with minimal value ever being 37. nocturnal dip is around 20-25%, the biggest one was 35%. i am not athlete, not even close. my physical shape is probably below average. i work out at home on average 2-3 times per week. no symptoms regarding this issue. i was checked by cardiologist as a part of annual health screening last year (ekg, ultrasound) and he didn't mention anything. i did not have a smartwatch back then so i didn't raise my concerns regarding the hr. is this normal or should i be concerned? | is heart rate of 50-60 while working (sitting office job) normal? | am57qh | i am also not a cardiologist. in general, lower heart rates are not concerning unless you have symptoms because of it. as long as you're not having light-headedness or difficulty exercising because your heart rate won't increase when you need it to, it's doesn't seem concerning. there's also the question of how accurately your watch is measuring your heart rate, but again, without some reason to need exact measurement i don't think it matters. | askdocs | am57qh |
hey! 24 year-old man here. i've been suffering from debilitating anxiety for almost ten years. pretty much every symptom in the book, constantly, every single day and night. i've struggled to do the most mundane things, like going to the supermarket, drinking a cup of coffee (makes me panic), meet friends, talking to people and just walking in open spaces (legs feeling like stiff jelly and dizziness deluxe). i've always pushed myself, whenever i could, which meant i did those things regardless of how i felt. i've had job interviews whilst having a panic attack, but still managed to land a fantastic job. i've took on the role of holding weekly presentations for large number of people at my job, even though the mere thought of it made my heart race. i have flown abroad alone, meeting totally new strangers in different countries even though i hate flying and shaked as i stepped off the plane. the funny thing is, that no one noticed. i have never told anyone about my experiences; what i've done. it's funny because it feels like, even though i'm always giving everything my 200% and fighting with my heart and soul, what i present (in my mind) always feels like less because of my anxiety. i feel like whatever i do is embarrassing and that i'm saying the wrong things. people have never commented on it, so i assume i'm either a good actor or that people just aren't telling me. i used to drink tons of coffee just so i could see my anxiety in the eye and prove myself that i would not get defeated by some silly disorder. this was probably good in strengthening me, but all it really did was make me more anxious. this also goes for alcohol, even though i know it makes me feel worse. lately i've realized that holy shit, i feel like a new person when i haven't been drinking for a week. my anxiety gets reduced to nearly zero, i become quick to giving punchlines, making jokes and i start to love talking to people. my mind feels sharp and alive, kind of like it did before my anxiety. the day after i've had a few drinks (usually 4-6 beers), i feel heavy, like i'm carrying extra weight. i feel my confidence drop down, i stumble on words and feel unsteady and uneasy - the exact feeling i've been having these years, but multiplied. i just realized why i'm always coming back to drinking. i see my anxiety as a sign of weakness (even though i know i'm strong for enduring and pushing myself as i have for all these years), and when other people do stuff without any issues, while i can't, i feel like i want a rematch. i want to prove to myself that i in fact can do it without being an anxious wreck the next days. that's why i kept drinking the coffee (i have luckily quit that now though) and that's why i keep coming back to drinking. i hate being controlled by my emotions, but it's so funny, because at the same time, stopping drinking seems to be the solution. it's a constant inner battle. the longest i've gone without drinking is two weeks for about 6 years. i usually get good and drunk once a week, but have a few a couple of times in the week on occassion as well. one week seems to be the real struggle for me, and i usually always relapse (and the thought starts with: "but, they can do it, hell why can't i". i'm not deep in despair with alcohol, i just feel like crap when i drink, even small amounts, and i hate it. oh man... that was a long post. it feels good to put this in to words. i hope i don't sound too crazy here. if someone can relate, please give me your insights. | i just realized why it's so hard for me to stop | 43p41z | i can relate to this way more than i'd like. i have long suffered from anxiety. i think teachers and nurses were trying to point it out to my mom when i was about 6, but i didn't really get any help until college. i've seen so many therapists related to my anxiety and an eating disorder. it's helped and a lot has improved. but more and more recently it's clear how much alcohol is a continuing issue. like you i just want to be "normal". i don't want to be at the party and feeling overwhelmed by the number of people. i don't want to feel so overwhelmed by everyone else's emotions. and i want to drink like everyone else. except i don't drink like everyone else. if i get into that mindset of wanting to be the normal, fun, popular girl, i drink way too much. and then i get really emotional. and mess things up with the people close to me. it's not a good scene and i'm scared i can't totally fix it. so.. hi. | stopdrinking | 43p41z |
i just finished playing life is strange (well, up to episode 3, super excited for ep 4) and i feel much more depressed than usual, especially after the first episode (which was the most relaxing one). i’m going to try to explain this to the best of my abilities, but i’ve never really felt this way before. i feel a sense of nostalgia and sadness, like i feel like i squandered my high school years (sophomore in college), like i wish my life was somewhat like max’s (sans powers). i just wish i could’ve lived in a small little sea side town on the coast of oregon surrounded by pine trees and rain. i feel like i missed out on something while i was suffering in a shitty inner city school where i isolated myself from all my peers, i hated this feeling so much. it’s like nostalgia for something i never had. i’ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat and thinking about what my life could have been, but wasn’t. this is so fucking dumb and i hate myself for this, why do i always want to live in a fictional world? | my depression got worse over a stupid video game | 3ei7jx | i've been there. try being a huge fan of underrated games that flopped and will never get a sequel (system shock 2) *sigh*. nostalgia and sadness are all a part of depression. it is also not all that unusual for a game, song, movie, or a story to trigger episodes and cause you to overthink things. you want to live in a fictional world because everybody needs a chance to escape for a while. there is nothing unusual there. just don't forget to poke your head out from time to time and live in the real world. | depression | 3ei7jx |
it happens to me all the time, i'm just walking my dog or something and like have an unimportant thought, and then i notice i'm having a full conversation with my self about pretty much nothing and i think i saw some post about it here a while back so i wanted to check if it's only me. | do you catch yourself having a full, and sometimes very stupid, conversation? | b1tj9p | lol i say things in my head before saying them out loud and this isn't right before. i'm talking for days. sometimes i screw it up in my head and laugh. i try to explain to my husband but he doesn't get it haha. | adhd | b1tj9p |
tl;dr: ~~dx'd~~ diagnosed as an adult. i've been thinking about going back to therapy, but want someone who at least knows *some* things about adhd; search is proving futile. this is a venting post above everything else, feel free to share your stories. trying to find a therapist who accepts my insurance and has knowledge of adhd, you'd think we just disappear the second we turn into adults. i get hits for a decent number of child psychiatrists and child psychologists, but zilch for adults, not even when i include those therapists i'd have to pay out of pocket. it's an exercise in frustration. i have spent hours on this. multiple hyperfocussed hours of googling while i was supposed to be doing something else. several "oh, look at this database!" lists from gp/psych/insurance. internet forums. nothing. the closest therapist i've been able to find who will explicitly take insurance *and* adult clients is an hour away by car (again: i don't drive), much longer by public transport, and their hours are such that i'd have to miss at least four hours of work per appointment. and that's if they took new clients, which at this time, they don't. i'm glad i was able to get the dx as an adult, but boy, i wish i had more resources available. i've had fairly discouraging, mediocre experience with therapists who don't know adhd. i have a diagnosis, i'm medicated, but i still need help getting my shit together, and i'd prefer not spending 80% of my therapy sessions explaining adhd or battling prejudice, damn it. even the place that diagnosed me couldn't (or wouldn't, who knows) suggest anyone. how did you guys find your therapists? has anyone had luck with therapists who don't know adhd? want to share horror stories? if you were diagnosed as a kid, how was the transition into adulthood for you, resource wise? answers to any and all of that are welcome. **edit #1:** thank you so much for your responses! i'm going to go through all your comments and try to reply to as many as i can -- might take me a while, though, you know how it is. thank you! **edit #2:** there are *tons* of helpful advice in the comments, thank you so much. **things to try, as suggested by redditors on this thread:** * contact insurance carrier for a list of therapists * contact a child psychologist who specializes in adhd and ask for a referral * make use of employee assistance program / university health care programs * look into adhd coaches or family therapists/marriage counsellors * look into remote options like skype / phone counselling **if you're getting desperate at the idea of going to a non-specialised therapist:** * remember that good chemistry between therapist and client is paramount, so try to find someone you mesh with and go from there * know what your therapy goals are * it's fine to move on to a different therapist if you don't feel they're a good match i'll keep adding to this. thank you all so much. | adhd doesn't go away the second we turn 18, but the support system sure seems to. | 6zw268 | what sort of things are you trying to work on? for me adhd wise it's learning discipline, routine, help keeping myself on a schedule etc. what might work is identifying your goals, and looking for therapists with experience in those areas. i can see how you may still end up with someone who doesn't understand how your adhd effects the areas your trying to work on, but talking to the therapist before making an appt may allow you to discern if they're going to be helpful or not. | adhd | 6zw268 |
my sister came to my place seemingly paranoid something was wrong with my parents. she was convinced my dad and mom had something wrong with them/ there relationship/ there lives as if something new had happened. by the end of the night she was talking about being brainwashed by flushots. she's in the care of professionals but i feel lost and it's been a few days and she still seems to believe things that are not true. and i'm sad to see this i felt with this from like 4 on to like 3 the next day she was up and down memory loss upset and panoid off and on. please i need information she was on the zoloft for a long time then ended up on lexapro then benzos for the switch? i feel like i'm not getting the info i need she's still out of it. | the meds zoloft and lexapro and small dosage of valum made my sister crazy. | 76f9ox | not sure what's going on actually. not convinced it's psychosis in itself (though can't exclude it either). doesn't seem related to the medication. has this ever happened before? any alcohol or drug history? | askdocs | 76f9ox |
okay so im probably going crazy. ive been obsessed about schizo for a long time, but recently its taking a turn for something else. ive been really scared of having voices in my head or something dont know howto explain but im just afraid there is another voice in my head but its more of like a thought, and then i started researching and found that schizo voices can also be something called thought like voices and now i just cant stop thinking about it and i feel like there is someone in my head but i know that that is crazy but everytime i say something, i feel like i get a response from my head but i dont know if its just me being stupid and scaring myself or if there really is someone and im going crazy, ive been to a psych and she said i was not developing schizo from what she could see. i really need some help, has anyone ever had something like this or am i loosing it? | not sure this is ocd anymore | 5hpm9e | "... she said i was not developing schizo from what she could see." your post is a reassurance seeking compulsion. you've received your answer from a mental health professional, yet you are doubting their assessment. if you want a "second opinion", go see another professional, and if both say its ocd, you have to accept this assessment. i've worked with people with schizophrenia. if you are truly schizophrenic, someone will tell you. there will be no need to ask if others think you are. so, until someone earnestly and compassionately expresses concern that you have some major psychotic disorder, move forward in life as if you dont and wont. | ocd | 5hpm9e |
i'd like to be romantic to my girlfriend, but i don't know how other than showering her with flowers and chocolates. please help a frustrated but willing-to-learn chump. | any tips for being romantic? | gicu3 | hey, we all need a little help sometime. this is a quick list from dr. john gottman, a world leader in marriage research. these ideas are all pretty good, and can help spice things up! everyone should give them a good read! WEBLINK | relationship_advice | gicu3 |
i work for a small mental health charity, amongst other things facilitating their arts and craft group. one client who has recently started attending the group has the shakes pretty bad, making fine motor control difficult. he is a long term user of anti psychotic drugs and though his psychiatrist has recently changed his medication to hopefully mitigate this he knows that the nerve damage may well be permanent. any ideas, either from personal experience or links to information i can't find with a quick google that would help me help him gratefully received. he doesn't smoke or drink but does drink tea. | advice on dealing with medication induced tremor ? (xpost r/mentalillness) | 2aw8tu | benzatropine (cogentin) is often used to manage the tremors brought on by antipsychotic treatment. | mentalhealth | 2aw8tu |
how awesome would it be if we all could think like a 2 year old? just float around all day without a care in the world and have the ability to just "let go" of problems so quickly! i think we could all learn how to become better adults by thinking more like our young children as crazy as that may seem. our daughter, annabelle (just like most 2 year olds) can fall flat on her face, while playing around, cry for 5 minutes and then spring right back into whatever it was that she got hurt from in the first place. it's incredible how quickly toddlers can just move forward like this. ever see a 2 year old holding onto a grudge for longer than a few hours at most? nope, they become upset, sometimes throw a fit and then it's over. let's go play. we all once felt and acted this same way. i believe that somewhere between the ages of 2 and 21, we learn to think and feel more like "an adult". is that a good thing? i don't believe so. that's why i aim to let our daughter stay a child as long as possible and as she does start learning about all these new emotions and 'ways of life', i hope to help her retain as much of her creative, toddler mentality as possible! | i have been thinking and responding to things more like my 2-year-old daughter and here's why it's been great! | 7at4fs | very insightful. lsd produces this mindspace. "nothing to get hung about..." | socialskills | 7at4fs |
thankfully we live 500 miles away but i learned this week that my husbands dad, who is 20+ years sober from alcohol has a prescription for and is snorting oxy. his wife is the quintessential co-dependent. she told us that he snorts it because he doesn't want to damage his liver and kidneys. what bullshit. all this came out because he left a razor blade and "powder" in the bathroom at a social event and a guest found it. a guest who "loves" attention and gossip so she made a very public scene about it. a little background: he's always had a thing for pain pills. it seemed like anytime a family member had an ache or injury my father in law would play pharmacy. he always had pills but he said it wasn't all the time and blah blah bullshit. on top of that he had to move his business because of a dispute with the management company. now father in law, who is in his mid 60's moved his shoppe to a small store with no foot traffic. my husband's family just thinks this is all ok: he still has the business, their house is paid for, they're reasonable healthy, and they aren't going homeless. am i nuts? how can an alcoholic with 20+ years in aa call himself sober when he's using pain pills. is it worth getting involved? the people that live closest don't think it is a big deal | found out my father in law is snorting oxy | 6wo3ot | well, clearly, your fil is not holding it together, and you don't want to be collateral damage. read codependent no more. see if your husband will. naranon and codependents anonymous are also good options. if you are financially entangled with your fil, get to couples therapy before it ruins your marriage. good luck! | relationship_advice | 6wo3ot |
i'm on day 202 and feel really good. (thanks in part to you sd guys) i went over to an old neighbors house today because he needed a hand with some large pieces of wood. 30 min later he pours two shot glasses with whiskey before i even knew it. i said. " i'm good with my la croix" he said " ah come on, you big pussy " i said jokingly "you really going to shame an alcoholic into drinking?" he said after 5 sec pause " ah man i'm kidding man". 30 min later he said. "wow good for you on not drinking ". i'm glad i just blurted out directly what i said. sometimes being direct is the only way. iwndwyt | had to be direct. | 7zrlfr | haha hell yes. just gotta call it out sometimes. sober with you today | stopdrinking | 7zrlfr |
if things ended and you both need some space, how long do you wait before reconnecting? too long may kill the chances of getting back together, though so too could trying to reconnect too soon. anyone been in this situation? | how long should you wait? | 6belks | breaks should be defined. did it end or is it a break? breaks should be one month, with scheduled contact and no dating others. | relationship_advice | 6belks |
so i need some help going through the thoughts in my head recently about how to approach relationships from this point forward... i am a 22 year old male and was raised to have respect for women, be kind, compassionate, and caring for other people, especially towards someone that i get into a relationship with. i have had two girlfriends. the first girlfriend i had was at the age of 18 and i never had a really close connection with a girl up until that point aside from casual talking you would do with someone that you maybe sit next to in class. we were together for about a year and a half and although we had our ups and downs i was able to be free to express my emotions to her and not really hold back. we had known each other for four years prior to dating and i felt like we know each other really well and understood each other so we moved really quickly when we first started (ex. i love you was said early on like by the 2nd or 3rd date, we had sex by the second month (we didn't really have privacy) and i didn't have to play any games of waiting to text back 10 mins to not seem desperate, etc.) the point i am trying to make is that i really enjoyed not having to hold back on emotions, i had not gotten hurt before and i was able to truly be myself although she had other boyfriends in the past we were both virgins and i think we had a solid friendship foundation to build from so we felt really comfortable with each other. now for the second girlfriend (24f)... if we can even call it that. i met this girl at work back in november and she seemed like the quiet type, really shy and seemed like a genuinely nice girl. she would say hi to me and smile back at me, all seemed like good signs. around january she started working within my team of co-workers (started working morning shift with me, same time frame and we spent more time together, although few words were often exchanged, just stuff like hi, plans for weekends, past life). i finally got the courage to ask her out on valentine's day and she agreed to go out for a movie and dinner (yes i know movie first date is a bad idea, i learned my lesson). the date went well form my perspective, she was really shy and didn't really initiate a ton of conversation, mostly just responded to whatever i brought up and i won't lie there were some awkward silences during dinner but nothing too harsh. we said our goodbyes and i kissed her on the cheek. the next day i called her and asked her about the date, if she enjoyed it, if she felt comfortable, or if she was shy since i noticed she didn't really speak much. she stated she was a really shy person and that she did enjoy the date and confirmed a second date the next day. we went bowling, played pool and walked around the mall; and she seemed more loose. she smiled more, laughed at my jokes, would tease back when i would, etc. afterwards i asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat and we went to a local restaurant that was much more casual than the one we went to on our first date and we literally just talked for about 2-3 hours after we ate and tried to get to know each other better. we even talked about some more personal topics like sexual history/past relationships/past life/family. everything was going really well and i think that was the first time that i had connected with her on a deeper level. before we said our goodbyes i asked if i could kiss her and i gave her a long kiss good bye. after this i started to try and initiate conversation with her through texts and she would respond but with dents in her texts of about 10-30 mins. i figured she was doing the i don't want to come off as desperate game so i just continued as normal ( i was thinking that if she felt that i wasn't holding back maybe she wouldn't either) and just responded when i could get to it which was pretty fast since i wasn't working on that particular day. we agreed to set up a third date (week later) which i told her would be a surprise. halfway through the week, after work she sat with me on some benches outside and we sat together and talked for a bit, she asked about some bruises on my arm which led to us holding hands and making out for a little bit (i felt like she cared about me at this point and was showing signs of emotional attachment). we kept talking throughout the week and saw each other at work but she still took a while to reply back to my messages and didn't really initiate conversations. i stopped initiating the conversations for a day and a half and she didn't send me anything until i texted her that i missed her (i had a single day off in the middle of the week at which i sent her this). she replied back i miss you too and that was the end of that. two days later, i asked her if she thought that the communication between us was okay and she said yes that it was. i explained to her that i didn't have much to base it off of, but normally couples talk more often and don't go a day or two without talking, she seemed to understand completely and agreed to try and make an effort to talk to me more and initiate the conversations. she immediately asked what i was up to and things went back to normal. i planned to take her to a local park and have a picnic of sorts with some sandwiches i made, it was around sunset so it was a romantic date of sorts. we got there and everything was fine we started talking and we started eating then about 30 mins in we just gave each other those deep looks and started making out. i asked her if she would be my girlfriend and she immediately said yes. we continued to make out but we were in public in the middle of the park so we decided to take it to her car (i don't own my own car and she didn't either at this point) which then went on for about 2-3 hours of making out and then she brought up sex. i asked her if she was sure that she was ready for that and i told her i have no problem waiting, she said she was ready. i had condoms on me and we started to do it. at first i couldn't get it up although i had just had a boner for the past 2-3 hours of making out with her (i guess i was just nervous plus it was the first time doing it in a car for me and it was in a parking lot, out of the way from the public but kinda near a road) but after making out for a bit i was good to go and we had sex for about 30 mins (i think, it was kinda a blur to be honest). after the 30 mins i was exhausted from being in very uncomfortable positions and i lost my boner again, she said we could stop if i wanted so we did. neither of us climaxed but throughout the experienced she seemed to be enjoying how it went and i did as well. afterwards we stepped outside and talked and kissed for another hour or two before she took me home. we saw each other throughout the following week at work and texted but she was back to just replying to my messages not really bringing much to the conversations. we talked about maybe having our next date be a hotel stay in for a couple hours and have sex in more comfortable circumstances and she seemed really okay with that so i told her we could do that the upcoming weekend (saturday). on the day before our date (friday) i saw her at work and everything seemed normal i motioned for her to call me after work and left. she then ignored every text and call i sent her from that point forward. i wasn't sure what was going on and was really confused. we had plans for saturday and she continued to ignore me and basically stood me up in a way. she continued to do that for close to three weeks even throughout work. we had agreed not to let any co-workers know of our relationships and i continued to act normal at work i didn't reach out to her and the last message i sent her was the saturday that we had plans for. needless to say i was pretty hurt this entire time because i thought that i had an emotional connection with this really nice and down to earth girl that would lead to a long term relationship. after three weeks she messages me after leaving work one day about how she was really sorry and really liked me and she had an argument with her mother about how we were moving to fast and her mother didn't approve of the speed our relationship was going at after telling her mother about us being bf/gf. she told me that she thought i would be better off without her because she thought i wouldn't be willing to "slow down" and take it slow with her. she also mentions that she is aware she is an adult but she seeks her mothers approval in her relationships. after this message i didn't know what to do, on one hand i really like this girl and i think there is some future with her in it but on the other hand she took 3 weeks to tell me something that was so simple and easily solvable. i would have gladly just taken it slower and just kept dating her, the only thing that was important to me was exclusivity and that we would continue to spend time together, but instead she ignores me for weeks and then brings this up just when i was starting to get over her. the following is the exact message she sent me without my name at the start. {my name} i didn't block you and i know you probably hate me but let me just start off by saying that you did nothing wrong and i don't regret anything that happened between us ok i like you a lot you probably don't believe me but i do. the reason why this all happened was because my mom wasn't ok with the fact that we were already bf and gf she thought it was way too fast for that and she thought we were just hanging out as friends and then later on we would be in a relationship until we got to know each other more. i kinda got into an argument with her, now my mom isn't a bad person or mean, she's just very protective. i don't want you to be scared of her. i knew that after the argument she wasn't gonna let me see you or go out with you and if i did just go it would have gotten worse and i didn't want to have to hide my relationship with you cause that wouldn't have been fair to you or me and i know it would hurt my mom.so i had to let her calm down and luckily she did, and she's ok with us hanging out, she's ok with me being in a relationship with you but she just wants us to get there at a medium pace. she wants you to come over when we have like a family barbecue so she can meet you and i guess in her way be ok with whats going on. and i know i have my age and i'm an adult and could make my own decisions but i do look for my moms approval in some things and i want her to be ok with this. i didn't know how to tell you like i had a feeling you were gonna take it as me breaking up with you and that's not what i wanted, i guess i got scared and i don't wanna hurt you cause you're a great guy, but i did think and kinda still do that me asking to take a step back and slow down would make you wanna not be with me like in a relationship later on or as friends and i just thought you're probably better off. you probably won't accept my apology but i'm truly sorry. the next day at work, i told her we needed to talk. after work we sat in her car (she bought a car at this point) and we had a long discussion about why she did what she did the way that she did it. she told me that she didn't know how to tell me and that she didn't want to hurt my feelings and wanted to wait for her mom to calm down because she had an argument with her and her mother wouldn't let her continue to go out with me and she didn't want to keep us a secret. i told her that i was willing to give her another chance and that i would have gladly slowed down if she would have just asked. i told her i was really hurt by what she did, and that i wasn't going to be chasing after her anymore like i was before and she would have to make a really big effort to regain my trust. i also told her that she would have to pitch in on paying for some of the dates ( i had been paying for everything up until this point other than gas for her car). i asked her if she thought that the relationship was worth fighting for and she said yes. i said okay and went in to giver her a kiss on the cheek (she thought i was going for her mouth) i grabbed her chin and turned it to force the cheek side ( i did this because i wanted it to be clear to her that i was really hurt by what she did and that i wasn't going to just give in to her easily). i felt that i was pretty clear about what i wanted from her and i left. later i called her and asked her if she had any questions and i told her i didn't want things to be awkward between us if this was going to work out. i tried to initiate some conversation and we talked for about 30 mins. after this day things just seemed to get worse. she started to ignore my texts for lengthy hours, like 6-8 hours then after a couple days she just ignored them until the next day altogether. she would say something like "oh i am sorry i was really busy i was at my cousin's volleyball game", etc. she would do this even when i would tell her that we needed to talk and that it was important to me that we talked ( i was trying to reach out to her to ask her why she was being distant) she would continue to ignore my messages/calls for hours or a day then give me some excuse. this went on for about a week and a half before i confronted her at work and told her i needed to talk to her after work. after work she walked out with me but then some co-workers asked if she could give them a ride home so she did and left me behind. later she texted me saying she was sorry and that she didn't know they were going to ask her for a ride. i told her it was fine but that we needed to talk. the next day i told her again we needed to talk and she said she had plans to get her nails done with some of her co-workers, i told her it was really important for me to talk to her and that i needed to do it in person, she said she understood but already had plans with them and then needed to take one of them home afterwards and pick up her mother from work. i told her that i felt like she wasn't giving our relationship any importance and she said she was but she already had these plans laid out. i sucked it up and said fine but promise me you will call me, she promised then left. the next day came and she didn't call me, at this point i was was pretty annoyed to say the least. towards the end of the shift i helped her finish her task at work and we left together and walked outside, we sat on the benches outside but our co-workers were there so we couldn't really talk until they left. i sat there with her and with them for about 30 minutes and then, again, they asked her for rides and she agreed and left with them. i texted her that i would wait for her to come back and talk to me because i needed to talk to her today and in person. she continued to ignore me as i waited. i waited for about an hour before i told her that if she wasn't responding to me by 1:00 that we were over. i continued to wait and she never replied to any of my messages. i waited about 2 and a half hours in total and she never replied to anything. i went home and ended it, which she also did not reply to. (keep in mind this is something that is occurring all while i see her almost daily at work for hours on end, not face to face, but several times we pass by each other and see each other, so ghosting is a really weird path to take here, and to this day she continues to do this, i ended it this past thursday so it has been a week since i broke up with her, if you even consider what we had a relationship) i really enjoyed dating this girl and she was super sweet and she showed signs of caring for me and really liking me back as much i did her, but for some reason communication seemed to be an underlying issue and after she did the whole ignoring me for three weeks it was a terrible experience where i lost sleep waiting for her to text me back or call me and i would get worried about not just our relationship but if she got hurt or into a car accident, etc. at the end of the day it still hurts that we aren't together and seeing her this often doesn't help but i don't regret the times we had together because i think deep inside they were real and even if it only lasted a week or two the relationship was beautiful up until she stopped talking to me. so basically my questions are: 1. did i screw up somewhere? 2. should i be colder to women (not respond immediately, hold back emotions, not be myself?) 3. i am the type of guy that wants a relationship with a woman and doesn't want to just sleep around. am i just supposed to hope to get lucky and hope that the girl i start a relationship won't do this type of thing to me? 4. am i alone in thinking that a guy shouldn't sleep around with a ton of women just for fun? should i be less emotionally attached to the women i go out with? 5. is this something that will go away with time? the emotional pain that occurs when i lose a girl in this way? 6. if this girl was using me somehow, why would she cut me off before a "sex date" and then try to get back together with me, doesn't add up. if you sat through all of this and read it, just know i really appreciate you taking the time to help a stranger online, i know it was a lot! tldr: i am young and inexperienced with relationships. not the type to sleep around with women and want to know if i as a guy, i need to be less emotionally attached to women i date (ex: wait before texting back to messages, not show emotional connections to the women i date, not be myself). above is my relationship history and the most recent one i had which brought up some questions (listed above) that i don't know how to answer and apply to my future relationships... | long story (sorry) 22m looking for relationship help and guidance (would like both genders advice if possible) | 63wmst | be yourself. always. be natural. go slow. don't rush it along into bed. | relationship_advice | 63wmst |
hello, since i hit puberty i have suffered from pretty severe depression. i am on an anxiety medicine that was helping for a bit and now the medication doesnt seem to be quite as helpful. since the depression began i have felt that the top back left of my brain does not belong there and if i were to remove it i would be a happy person. is this a thing? i feel like i am slowly going crazy and this cannot rule my life. it has begun to creep into the daytime and has started to cloud my thoughts at work making it hard to focus. i am 29, happily married and have a good job yet this thing with my brain is really starting to impede on my life. any ideas? | why do i feel like i shouldn't have part of my brain? | 29m26l | i'd strongly suggest that you consult with a psychiatrist about this idea. | mentalhealth | 29m26l |
&#x200b; * age - 24 * sex - m * height - 176cm * weight - 76kg * duration of complaint - about a month * location (geographic and on body) - india * any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - possibly dpdr * current medications (if any) - none hi, right before when i fall asleep i hear voices which are loud and involuntary, not always but have occurred many times. it's not continuous, just a single comment or something. it's scary and wakes me up. for example, some scenario is running in my head and i'm half conscious and i'm about to give a reaction( let' say "wow!"), but then before i say it, the voice pops and says it out aloud and it wakes me up. it almost feels like someone else is in my head and watching the exact same thing as i am and just gave up his reaction earlier than me. the voice, when it all began sounded like somebody else's but now it sounds like my voice, as if in a recorded audio. also, i have been seeing ghosts in my dreams more often these days, with a common theme, as if they are trying to suck away my soul or possess me. when i add 1 + 1 it scares the hell out of me. i was recently on veniz xr 75 and i while i do think it's somehow withdrawal symptoms, but it started when i didn't even completely withdrew only reduced the dosage from 75 from 37.5. please tell me i'm not going schizo. | exploding head syndrome | bbek7r | unusual experiences when falling asleep are fairly common and normal, and hearing voices is one of the most common forms of hypnagogic hallucination. no kind of dream is particularly associated with any problem except certain kinds of nightmares with ptsd. exploding head syndrome is a particular hypnagogic hallucination (probably; it's not well understood) that happens to have a strikingly strange, but not very descriptive, name. this could be due to the reduction in veniz (venlafaxine) dose, but it also could be unrelated. in any case, nothing you're describing sounds concerning. | askdocs | bbek7r |
my husband is an alcoholic. it's been an ongoing issue between us. he turns from a loving and adoring man into a mean, cruel man who lashes out at me by saying hurtful things to me that he knows just guts me. we had a really nasty fight last week that ended with me leaving the house for two days (he kicked me out). he had a sober moment of clarity when i came to pick up some items and apologized to me and said he needed to stop drinking. the next morning i drove him to an aa meeting. initially he was hesitant and begged me a couple times to turn the car around. but he went. after the meeting was done, he was a changed man. he told me he was happy he went and that he was committed to making this change not only for him, but for our future as well. he even gave me his 24 hour token as a promise. fast forward to tonight. i got home from work and he told me about attending a meeting despite really wanting to get wasted instead because of various stressors going on. i told him i was proud of him and i was glad he went to the meeting. before dinner, he said he needed to go buy some cigarettes. he leaves, comes back and we have dinner. everything is going fine. a little later in the night, he went outside for a smoke break in the front yard through the garage. this should have been my first clue that something was up since he normally either goes to the backyard or uses the house door of he's going to the front yard. i walked out to see if he was going anywhere and right as i opened the door, he shut the grill hood very quickly. didn't think anything of it at the time. we go to bed and he knocks out. he's tossing and turning and eventually falls off the bed. alarm bells are ringing in my ears now. this is not sober sleeping; he sleeps like this when he drinks. i get up, go to garage and open up the grill. sure enough, empty bottle of vodka. i feel so stupid. i heard an interview ozzy osbourne did awhile back about how be used to hide his drugs in the oven because he knew sharon would never use the oven. i'm fucking sharon osbourne. i know that it's early in his recovery and there are going to be missteps. but i don't know what i should do. do i confront him about it? do i let it slide and pretend to be oblivious? do i indirectly confront him? any advice or words of encouragement are strongly welcomed. thank you for reading my rambles. | husband recently began going to aa, i found a bottle of vodka today | 2s9l8b | stat strong. lying is a part of it but you don't have to put up with it... stick with alanon and keep yourself together. | alanon | 2s9l8b |
it is very, very difficult for me and is difficult for me to understand interpersonal signals. this bothers me extremely afterwards. for my environment it seems to be the easiest and most natural thing in the world to interact with others. therefore i’m missing a lot of opportunities given to me but i understand them too late. to me it was told that i should treat myself more kindly first in order to get along better with others. how? can i learn that somehow? | how do you treat yourself kindly? | ez3o96 | yes, social skills can absolutely be learned! you may be able to find social skills training or therapy, even. that is a big commitment, though. i think forgiving yourself for any slip-ups is a great start - everyone has strengths and weaknesses in different skills, and you can make up for those weaker skill areas with practice and experience. if you're a reader, you could try checking out the book how to win friends and influence people. it's a very famous book on communication that really spells out how to interact with people in positive ways. it has a lot of stuff that seems obvious to many people - but putting everything in one book really makes you think about how many little things people do to communicate. things like smiling, eye contact, remembering names, body language, what to talk about. it was originally written for a more business-minded audience but it applies to regular interactions too. | advice | ez3o96 |
hey guys! so basically, what i am saying in the title is that i have noticed that i sometimes enter cycles of "rumination," periods of time when i all i do is obsess over a mistake i made for a couple days, which would bring my mood way down. my girlfriend and i called this phenomenon "the hamster." the faster the hampster spins his wheel, the harder it is to escape the mindset. after about 3 days though, i feel as if nothing happened. how do you guys manage symptoms like this? i am going to see a neurologist to get stimulants, do those help? | i go through "cycles of rumination." how do i deal with this? | bgwh7f | i fall into cycles of rumination a lot too. some therapy skills can be helpful—i particularly enjoy dialectical behavior therapy. not designed for adhd at all but many of its skills about emotions and dealing with the mind’s problems are helpful. specifically, mindfully turning the mind away from rumination helps me but is hard to do. | adhd | bgwh7f |
okay, so here's the deal. i just graduated from an aa-based iop program a week and a half ago, and have been attending aa meetings on and off for about a year and a half. often it's been great, uplifting, interesting, informative, and sometimes uncomfortable in a good way. i like aa. there are just a couple of things driving me crazy right now about it. for one, i have a temporary sponsor, who has 13 months sober. we've gone through steps 1-3 in the last two months. i'm now coming up on step four, have begun, and it's been enlightening. as far as when to take each step, i've gone solely off of the opinion of my sponsor with regards to where i'm at and what i'm ready for. my iop counselor (also in aa, with 27 years) is telling me i need a sponsor, but i need to dump this sponsor, and i need sponsored by somebody with at least three years sobriety, and not only that, but i absolutely must not do my fourth step for at least a year (!?), because she sees too many people relapse after doing it too early (the iop is mainly opiate-based, but my problems lie solely with alcohol and weed). she says the first three steps should take between a year and two years. this is driving me crazy because i felt like the fourth step has been helping me, and helping me feel better about myself. the other thing that's killing me: i have had a resentment against my mom. talked to her on the phone the other day, and i let my uncomfortable feelings exist, and something hit me and i felt like i needed to forgive her and also apologize to her. so i did. it was intense. it was the right thing to do. it was spontaneous. whatever. and an apology is just a commitment to try to do things differently in the future, which is what i had in mind and what i intend to do. well, of course when i tell this to both my counselor and my sponsor, both have the same reaction: "whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, don't jump from step 3 to step 9." um...what? it just so happens that i had a conversation with somebody that i've hurt in the past and it struck me to apologize to them, so i did. i'm not allowed to do that? again, what? i thought aa was about 'taking what you can use and leaving the rest', and that it was open to interpretation. the way i see things, the founders were not gods, and they seem to have been just learning as they went. i accept that the twelve steps have helped a lot of people, but the more i hang around i also see that people take them many different ways. am i being difficult about this stuff? i'm really getting close to being turned off by aa, but i really don't want to go back to drinking. it seems like at this point the aa bureaucracy is stressing me out more than the things that got me there in the first place. advice? suggestions? i'm just so frustrated... edit: wow, i love the internet, and reddit, and this sub. so awesome. thanks people!!!! | aa bureaucracy driving me crazy... | 1k13e5 | the idea of being in 1-3 for a year is baffling to me. we occasionally talk about something called the 123 shuffle when someone comes to the rooms gets through 3 but never takes any action and they ended up drinking. in my area working the steps and working them fast is what is recommended. i can see the downside if you were to miss something, but if you're thorough in it you can work them fast and be okay. i completely disagree with your counselor on the three year thing. while it is very important that your sponsor has worked the steps entirely there's no reason to have a requirement of 3 years to take sponsees. if your sponsor is taking you through the steps and it's working stick with it. there's absolutely no reason to stop. as to the 9 thing i wouldn't sweat it. the idea is until you do 5 you wont have a full grasp of the harm caused so you should hold off on the amends but apologizing is fine. you're the program works all different ways for all different people. i do think when 9 comes around you'll still need to make a formal amends, but that's not up to me. keep up the work, work 'em thoroughly and you'll be alright. | stopdrinking | 1k13e5 |
it's day 2 and sometimes i feel like the best way to be cravings is to spoil yourself. so, how are you spoiling yourself today? | spoiler alert!!! what are you doing to spoil yourself today? | 6qhwtk | mochi ice cream. boxes and boxes of it | stopdrinking | 6qhwtk |
i stopped drinking for multiple reasons. a lot of things started to happen in the last months and it was the signal for me. this is one of them. i was at my usual bar. i was paying when the waiter asked me a question and called me by my complete name. i was shocked. he was a regular waiter but i never talked to him except for telling him what i wanted. plus, everyone calls me "sto" and not "stoday" but with time, he understood that my name was "stoday" and not "store" (you understand that stoday is not my real name and those are example of reality). it meant that i was so regular at this bar that he caught my name from all the 30 seconds he spent taking my order. i was almost angry at him because by knowing my name, it meant that i was like all the other drunks that sat there with their fucked up red nose. thanks to him, he was one of the red flags that made me start the process of sobriety. | the waiter that inadvertently raised a red flag | 47k7pj | i was on a first name basis with bartenders, liquort store owners, cashiers at grocery stores. it was always a crushing blow when i handed them my id and they'd say, "oh i know you" | stopdrinking | 47k7pj |
age: 22 sex: m height: 180 weight: 75 race: caucasian current medications: proton pump inhibitors / antacids can you test for them, prove that a person has taken them? | can proton pump inhibitors be found in a blood test? | fntyzz | i cannot think of any circumstance in which anyone would care to test. this sounds like you're worried about getting caught not taking them. why? | askdocs | fntyzz |
i'm worried that ill do more harm than good. does anybody know about cps and can weigh in on whether it's better to dismantle a family or to allow the kid to take the physical abuse? i see the kid with lots of physical marks on her body. i also hear every week or every other week loud screaming from their house, obviously from the child. when asked, she makes excuses. i am so scared to ruin her life in the foster care system. but oh my god does it break my heart to see her hurt so badly. advice please :( thanks | does cps do good for abused children? my neighbor, a child, is physically abused | 2dbbr5 | as others have said- cps only removes a child from the home if that is the only option for the child's physical and mental wellbeing. that being said- the child is obviously being abused. the physical marks on her body are probably nothing compared to the psychological scars. and as the abuse continues, the deeper those scars go. someone obviously needs to be alerted asap to this situation before irreparable harm is done to this child. | needadvice | 2dbbr5 |
so i had a bit too much to drink last night. woke up at 4 am on the verge of throwing up (acid reflux). pretty sure it was the alcohol bc i could taste it in my mouth. i feel better now but my stomach is still a wee bit sensitive. idk why i keep thinking i’m gonna throw up. i feel fine. i ate, drank some oj and coffee and my stomach didn’t feel worse after that. hell, i felt better. :// | hangover | en9h1m | hey! how are you doing now? i’m sure your stomach was just a little peeved from the alcohol and will settle down quickly. | emetophobia | en9h1m |
this is going to be mostly venting, so prepare for that. (throwaway account for obvious reasons) i am 15, and as far as i can remember, i have had symptoms of severe add. a lot of people will think add or adhd and they will think of like, a little kid distracted by a butterfly when playing soccer or something, and while it is sort of like that, it's way much more broader and not something that should be taken lightly. well, for me anyway. i'm sure some people who have add or adhd will just see it as a funny little thing like *"oh, there i go getting distracted by that butterfly again! haha, whoops!"* i'm not trying to make fun of people with mild add, i'm just saying that that i don't have mild add. i think mine is a lot worse. all throughout elementary school and middle school, i was known as the kid who always didn't finish my homework, or who was always daydreaming in class, or who just didn't even pay attention to the teacher when she talked. if the teacher gave out instructions, i would always have to hear it one, two, or three more times before i would actually know what the hell i was supposed to do. my mind is always somewhere else, unless what i am doing is interesting. if i am playing a video game where i have to remember to do a lot of complex things, i can do it, as long as the game is fun for me. that's the thing, if i am interested, i can work like anybody else. i am terrible with conversations. most of my friends have gotten used to me not always following what they are saying, but for strangers, they think i am getting bored listening to them. they probably think "why should i even talk to this guy? he is falling asleep just listening to me!" that's not the case at all. i just. can't. focus. i'm too busy thinking about what i'm gonna do when i get home. then when i get home, i'll be thinking about what i'm going to be having for dinner. then, when i'm having dinner, i'll be thinking about what i'm going to be doing the next day. and while i'm doing all these things, i'm not really doing them, i'm half assing them at best. i'm on auto pilot, 24/7, 7 days a week, 30 days a month... however many days a year! (i think it's like 225, right?) edit: it's 365. i don't know why i googled that, it has nothing to do with what i'm saying, but whatever. it's ruining my life. i can't do anything 100%. something will be wrong. i've never looked at something i've done, like cleaned my room, or finished a school project, and have said *"yeah, that's completely finished! no mistakes! i'm proud of that!"* i can't do simple tasks. i'll be trying to find a certain paper, or a certain screwdriver, and i won't be able to find it. then, my brother will just ask what i'm looking for, and he'll see it right there. i don't have any vision problems, it's just that my mind isn't fully there. it's not laziness. i hear people say it all the time, that i'm lazy. i'm not lazy. i am trying to do it. i'm trying to listen to what you're saying. i'm trying to get my work done. i'm trying to get organized and be more focused. i just can't. it's in my head. i can't fix it. my family think i am just lazy. i try to explain to them that i have add, but they don't want to hear it. they are too busy working, they don't have time to see if i have this disorder that they probably think doesn't even exist, and is just a way for kids to get special treatment, or get away with things. yeah, i'm sure some kids do use it as a crutch, but i am not. i wish i could shout it on the fucking rooftops, i'm not lazy, i'm trying, it's harder for me, they don't get it. anyway, i was done venting like 2 paragraphs ago, i just needed to explain this to someone. *anyone* willing to listen. i just can't wait until i can talk to a psychiatrist or a doctor myself, and finally be put on medication. i hope it fixes me. i know add isn't anything like what is normally talked about here. some of the things people are dealing with here pale in comparison to what i'm dealing with. i just thought i would share. anyway, hopefully reading this was easy. a lot of the people i talk to say that i jump from one topic to another. thanks for reading if you could. | i am 99% sure i have attention deficit disorder | 4xklfn | as a psychiatrist, id say keep an open mind about what's causing your inattentiveness. there could be many reasons for your difficulties, including adhd, but nothing is guaranteed. there's no harm in a psychiatric assessment though. | mentalhealth | 4xklfn |
when trying to come up with a conversation subject, my mind goes blank. what do i do? | most likely a repost, but... any tips on small talk? | 1c8bmt | i wrote a [guide to conversation](WEBLINK). you might find it helpful :) it discusses how to figure out what to say based on the context and what other people are saying, so it's easier to know what to say. | socialskills | 1c8bmt |
context : both 25, we don't live in the same appartment but it's a ten minute walk between our home, we know eachother for 8 years but we just started being together in january last year. she prefer to watch any tv show than having sex. so my problem is this : we don't have at all the same want in sex. we are in love, she's perfect for me (mental & body) but she don't like sex. she accept 1 or 2 time a month, she's not passionate at all, she don't want to discover what sex is. she seems prude inside and not at all outside. it drive me crazy. i'm never asking for sex anymore, i just wait until she say start. no bj, no sexy hugs, always wearing big pajama like a buckler. i'm so frustrated (it's been more than 1 year, and i think we did it 20times) and i have no solutions that could fit. i don't want to leave her, she promised a lot of efforts but i never actually saw them. yesterday i bought some fun sextoys with her (nothing scary) but it seems not enough... i tried a lot of different things/ways to approach her and propose sex but 98% of the time i'm rejected. any advice before my head explode ? | big sex frustration only for my side [25m&f] | 68inyp | she doesn't have a strong instinctual drive. she doesn't need it the way you do. unless it's due to a medical problem, it likely won't change. relationships are a package deal. you have to decide if her other qualities outweigh this. | relationship_advice | 68inyp |
so i was sitting in a casual waiting area for students at my college and this cute girl sat down across from me. we made initial eye contact and it felt like it lasted a few seconds. its probably the longest eye contact i've had with a stranger. anyway, we sat there for a bit on our phones and we made eye contact a couple more times before she stopped looking at me and seemed focused on her phone, taking selfies. i thought about making a compliment about her necklace and/or hair but couldn't think of one and i get nervous about breaking silence. we pretty much just sat there in silence till too many people showed up. what could i have said? would a compliment have been a bad first move? | eye contact | 9l5opn | i always have this problem! it’s just impossible to know what the other person is thinking | socialskills | 9l5opn |
**intro:** i have been seeing my therapist for about a little over half a year now and i'm starting to feel much more comfortable talking to her (it generally takes me a long time to build a therapeutic relationship). but i feel frustrated because i don't feel like we've made much progress. i've been diagnosed with anxiety (gad) and potentially also have ocd but the main reason i started seeing this therapist is that i developed a new chronic-illness/disability a year ago and have been really struggling to cope with it. i started out seeing a different therapist a year ago but stopped therapy with him because he didn't seem to understand how much my physical health was affecting me. the therapist i'm seeing now deals with chronic illness so i thought she might be better for me. **problem:** but both therapists have pretty much just told me that i'm coping about as well as they would expect someone to be coping with a new illness. then they want to go over my thoughts and how they might be irrational but i tend to constantly question my thoughts already to determine if they're rational or not. so then it seems like we don't really have anything to talk about in therapy and i don't feel like i'm moving forward. **down to the real question:** am i doing something wrong? or is there really no way to cope better if my thoughts are already "rational"? i feel pretty miserable so i was really hoping there would be something i could do to help | can therapy help if your thoughts are already "rational"? + chronic illness therapy concerns | hdzia4 | oh man. so, first, a note that i am a therapist but i am not your therapist and i am not providing psychological advice. you should talk to your own clinical team about specific treatment plans. with that said, this really gets to the heart of why i, personally, do not like *traditional* cbt. circumstances are often legitimately very hard; i fundamentally do not believe that the main reason people suffer is because they are being irrational. i, personally, am still a cognitive behavioral therapist, but i identify specifically as "third wave", especially act and dbt. for me, something that is really essential is the "acceptance" piece. radical acceptance is both super difficult and super valuable and without acceptance, i think it's hard to move into building the life you want to live given the limitations and specific circumstances you are facing. you are not doing something wrong; you cannot fail at being a therapy client. but your therapist or the modality that the therapist chooses can fail you if it's not meeting your needs. in my opinion, circling around a bunch of thoughts and emotions that are rational responses to legitimately difficult circumstances, trying to nitpick anything that could potentially be irrational, would not be something that i would personally find helpful or valuable in therapy as either a therapist or a client. | askatherapist | hdzia4 |
when i was diagnosed by my psychiatrist last year, part of my testing involved an iq test. i've talked with a few friends who were also diagnosed as adults (i don't know if it was a psychiatrist or a gp that diagnosed them) and none of them had an iq test done. i didn't request it, it was just part of the all day testing i did. has anyone else had an iq test done as part of their diagnosis? i'm wondering if this is normal or not. | iq test during adhd testing? | ap54fp | an iq test is typically a standard part of neuropsych testing for adhd since it measures working memory and processing speed and deficits on those subtests can support the possibility of adhd. edit for some words | adhd | ap54fp |
we don’t have the best life, there’s a gap between him and his schoolmates but i’m not sure how significant it is. he’s becoming dependent and materialistic and will do almost anything for attention. most kids in his class can barely tolerate him (he’s generally provocative, even i can’t tolerate it sometimes), as a result he hasn’t formed any close friends. he constantly chases after people’s attention even if they treat him badly because of it, and won’t listen to any advice. the list goes on, but generally speaking, what do you do if you’re child is just, desperate for lack of a better word. | i can see my 11 year old developing negative traits as he grows up, what can i do to stop this? | ed89g3 | getting him involved in group activities at this age can be really helpful. team sports are generally good for this, especially if he has a good coach. therapy groups for kids focused on something he's interested in could also be helpful. for instance, in philadephia i run therapeutic dungeons and dragons groups for kids around his age that are specifically focused on helping the kids with social skills and other difficulties. depending on where you live, there are various groups around the country doing this sort of thing. it may be worth something looking into. if this sounds interesting to you, message me and i'll let you know if i know anything in your area as the therapists doing this around the country are a pretty tight community. aside from that, just making sure that he has enough opportunities outside of school to make and spend time with friends be it from his neighborhood or friends he meets from any clubs or activities you get him interested in. | askatherapist | ed89g3 |
recently i've been speaking to some doctors and people with medical and biological knowledge, personally i'm going to study biology. my doubts start with the fact that a lot of food in my country (ecuador) is starting to use transgenics. from what i know, this mean that some part of the food has been biologically treated. just wanting to be sure, is there any way that transgenics could be dangerous to our body or our way of living? | doubts about transgenics | 56i661 | there isn't stong evidence that it causes harm. there's more of a moral panic in the americas, but globally youd be surprised how much food is genetically modified without apparent ill harm. still, keep an open mind. | askdocs | 56i661 |
25 years old, male. for the first time in my entire life i'm feeling a little down about myself. i don't even know where to begin honestly. i would identify myself as an introvert with good social skills; but those skills are never put to work. they are never put to work because i simply don't have any urge or opportunity to meet new people. i'm the type that can carry a darn good convo but for some reason i will only speak if spoken to. it doesn't help that i don't really have any interests and my day consists of working and coming home. often times i find myself just sitting around killing time telling myself i could be doing something productive instead, but not having anything productive to actually do since i have no interests. as far as friends go i only have about 5 good friends who i have known since high school and currently i don't speak or see 3 of them since they have long term gfs. from the outside people would say i have a lot of things going for me, and to strangers i would probably seem like a "popular" type guy. i don't mean to boast but i am well educated, have a decent job, well dressed, and i've been complemented many times for looks, but all of that seems to not help me in any way what so ever. it feels like i have no direction in life right now, and facing it alone. | not sure if i need advice, someone to identify with, or just someone to hear me out | qja9z | i think you should read a million miles in a thousand years by donald miller. it talks about how to live an exciting life, and i think it would give you encouragement to start new hobbies and meet new people. it's also a darn fun read. | socialskills | qja9z |
age: 20 sex: male race: asian body part: chin hello people, i have a question related to beard (may involve little bit of psychology here) so lately i've kind of "addicted" to pulling off hairs on my chin (or beard) with my bare hand. i don't know whether this sounds weird or normal, but i do felt satisfied when it got pulled off, and it keeps going on until now. i'm okay with my current appearance, but my growing beard has gotten my attention the most, unlike any other body parts. sometimes, i pulled them too hard that it makes my chin grows a bump in the same spot the hair were pulled off. this has lead me to a question whether this is normal for someone who just hit the age of 20 to act this way, or for people who grows beard. i do understand that this behavior is not healthy for my skin. but man, it's so hard to stop. | pulling off beard with bare hand; is it normal? | cgrkan | it’s common enough that there’s a name for it: trichotillomania. if it bothers you, therapy and some medications can be helpful. if it doesn’t bother you, at least you can know you’re not alone. | askdocs | cgrkan |
so my girlfriend is suffering depression i think, she used to take meds but doesnt anymore, she doesnt like her happiness being reliant on meds she says, which is her choice. i just want to know how i can help, obviously i cant make it go away but i dont just want to be sat there awkwardly trying to search for words. im there for her every day and that wont change, i love her to pieces and im just a bit scared really, she said the other day that she wishes she was dead. my heart fell out. any advice would be greatly appreciated. | s/o suffering depression, i want to be useful. | 2sqabl | has she considered talking to a therapist about what is going on? optimally people take anti-depressants so that can be emotionally stable enough to engage in therapy. the therapy fixes the problems to the best of its ability and then they can slowly come off of meds. | mentalhealth | 2sqabl |
i've gone to many therapists throughout my life, only through kaiser as that's all through my insurance, and have never met one that made me feel any different or thought differently. i am a man, and am 30 years old if that makes any difference. the last time i went to a therapist, she kept telling me to ask her things. apparently, i wasn't asking enough questions, and the things i was asking were wrong, or not a good enough question to ask, and it pretty much made her feel like there was nothing she could do to help me. it wasn't like i was being dishonest or not opening up because i open up to anyone really easily. she may just not have been the best therapist for me, but like i've stated, i have never met one who has helped. they all just say, "here, take these drugs". am i suppose to come up with questions other than, "i have an internet addiction problem and i'd like to know what to do about it?", because i don't really know what else to ask. if i knew exactly what to ask, i don't think i would be going to a therapist, as i would be able to at least come up with some sort of a solution. | question about how i should approach therapy | dwix15 | your therapist should have more questions for you. while i think allowing you to ask questions is important, if you knew all the questions to ask and things to do i'm fairly certain you wouldn't need a therapist. | askatherapist | dwix15 |
i'll try to keep things as brief as possible. i've never been in a relationship. i've had a lot of opportunities, i can tell girls like me, but i kinda never make the right move to secure a date. for example at friends/part-time-work dinner there was this girl who i could tell really liked me, i liked her tons, we sat at the same table the whole time too. however... i didn't work up the courage to ask her her number 1. infront of all these oldies xd and 2. infront of her parents and 3. infront of mine, lol. do you think she would've been embarrassed if i asked her number just like that, snap, infront of everyone? or is the problem just insecurity of my own near girls i like? i kinda relied on the idea she might be on facebook.... yeah she was, but no mutual friends to no request or message.... i feel dumb. next example, on the train travelling, this hot chick kept looking at me, i liked her, so why not i smile back. but idiot that i am, i kinda think: what if she's older than me and would be wierded out of she found out i was 18? tbh i do look older than my age. in any case, would it be appropriate to approach her and start a conversation? thing is, i'm also bad at that shit so i would need help with that anyways. tl:dr; i'm pretty crap at making a move with girls i like. i need help and possibly reassurance that i'm not gonna be an 80 year old bachelor rather than an 18 year old one. | me (18m) single and looking for advice | 672dgg | go slow. have as many simple convos as possible. keep a list of topics in your head for smooth conversation. be patient. | relationship_advice | 672dgg |
my life since early adolescence has been a struggle. my home life as a kid was awful, including so much verbal & emotional abuse at the hands of my batshit mom & alcoholic stepdad as well as sexual abuse from another kid at one point. i spent years self harming, binge drinking and eating, and attempting suicide. i met a boy and now i'm a bit happier. happy enough to try and get help. my gp gave me an ssri and told me to book a therapist so i can stop the meds soon. my therapist told me to try breathing exercises. my initial reaction to my therapist is anger. i don't think my problems are as simple as breathing, mindfulness. i've tried those methods independently and while they can help, they are not a cure. this ssri is helping for now, but i don't want to go back to the life i was leading before. even with my so, even with the antidepressant, life is a struggle for me. i'm tired of struggling. what do i do? i feel like i want an actual diagnosis or a root cause, but my therapist is saying she sees no personality or mood disorder. here are some of my symptoms for reference: * dissociation/depersonalization/derealization * panic attacks * constant anxiety over 1 billion little things * low self esteem * self hatred * suicidal thoughts * racing thoughts * insomnia at times, sleeping too much at others * inability to keep to a schedule * brain fog * cant enjoy anything * short attention span and memory * constantly tired * paranoia * super impulsive at times * self destructive urges * hypersensitivity * extremely insecure help. **tl;dr** my gp gave me an ssri on the condition i go to therapy, my therapist thinks all i need is the power of positive thinking and mindfulness coping skills. i don't agree and feel there's something deeper. | i [23f] feel i have some kind of mental illness, my gp doesn't care, my therapist thinks mindfulness & positive thinking will cure me | 4nnyvc | i think you need to talk to your therapist about how unsatisfied you are and name your specific concerns. she may be able to provide more rationale for her approach or more information about her long term plan for your treatment. if she is unable to address them, i would find a different therapist, and discuss with that person during the first session what you feel your needs are and what their approach would be. you may want to look for somebody with specific expertise in treating trauma if you feel that your childhood experiences are playing a big role. a good therapist will be able to explain to you clearly what their theoretical approach is, what the goals would be, and what results you should expect (although of course things change as the therapy progresses). this is a good article on choosing a therapist: WEBLINK it's really important to find a good fit, somebody whose style works for you and who has experience working with the kinds of issues that you are dealing with. | askdocs | 4nnyvc |
right now, it's 1 am. i have to talk to a professional. i want to talk about my anxiety and my stress. i want to talk about how i haven't felt happy, or at ease in months. i want to talk about how i can't speak in groups of more than 4 people unless i'm drunk or how my mood swings have made me snap at my closest friends. i want to know if it's normal that i pull my hair and pick my skin or if it points to something worse. but tomorrow, when the counseling center opens, it will be light out, and i'll convince myself that i'm fine. that i don't have any real problems in my life and that when i get there i won't have anything to talk about. then at 1 am i'll get frustrated and cry, and pull out the lighter and burn myself again. and the cycle will continue. i need this. don't let me talk myself out of it. please, tell me that it will help and that the therapist won't make me feel like i'm whining or looking for attention. calm my nerves about making the appointment? **edit:** i made the appointment! thank you all so much. it's scheduled for next tuesday, so there's a lot of time to back out. but i'm pretty confident i'll make it, scheduling is always the hardest part for me. i'll just be really nervous leading up to it. the woman on the phone was really nice, i was afraid i'd have to explain then and there what was bothering me, but i didn't. if anything revolutionary happens i'll be sure to update. | tomorrow i have to call my school's counseling center | rqryr | i work in a counseling clinic at a university. trust me- the therapist wont make you feel like you're whining or looking for attention. the therapist is there to listen to what's going on in your life, and then help you work through it by giving you skills and encouragement and by talking through your problems with you in a collaborative manner. it will be ok :) | depression | rqryr |
every fibre in my body is screaming at me. my brain is telling me i'm going to have a panic attack if i stay sober tonight; i haven't gone to sleep sober in about 3 weeks and i'm scared of it because that's when the thoughts come and i can't cope with it, i really can't. i don't want to steal from my parents again but i feel like that's what will end up happening. i can't. i'm literally shaking. &#x200b; i have registered with a new doctor today and in 5 days i can go book an appointment to get help but i kind of don't want to live tbh | i can't afford any vodka. i'm shaking. | e2ktse | go to the emergency room and tell them you need detox, or call a detox and get a bed. you steal from your parents it gets you through a night or two, then what? gotta stop this cycle at some point; might as well be now. | alcoholism | e2ktse |
hey /r/relationships_advice, my girlfriend and i just graduated from college and are moving to nyc. we've been dating for a little more than 5 months and she's basically been living in my apartment at school for the last 3 months (i.e., 6 nights/week). our jobs start in august and we're now looking for apartments. i'm making pretty good money, so we don't need to live together for financial reasons (she's not making as much but she doesn't mind living in a mediocre place). still, she'll probably be over most nights so it may just make more sense to live together. i was originally hoping to share an apartment with a friend, but he ended up taking a job elsewhere. i think our families would be fine with us living together, but i'm more concerned about how living together will impact our relationship and how inconvenient this would be if we break up. thoughts? thanks! edit: thanks for the advice! we're going to talk more about it tonight, but i think we're going to live together. we're going to look for a month-to-month lease unless we can get a good deal on a 6 month lease and i can basically afford the rent on my own in case we break up. i don't think we'll buy anything major for now (just ikea furniture, no tv) and, if we do, one of us will buy it outright. | should i (22/m) live with my girlfriend (22/f)? | 6hg4ya | eventually it's a step you need to take, because you don't know someone until you've lived with them | relationship_advice | 6hg4ya |
hi all, i’m hoping it’s ok to ask these questions here. short background: i have a moderate physical disability that makes using stairs painful, exhausting, and at times impossible. i reserved a room at hotel after seeing some rooms labeled “second floor” on the website, and others without label. i maybe stupidly assumed the non-labeled rooms were first floor. it turned out to be a second floor room and there was no elevator. i returned to the check in area when i realized this to request a refund, but no one was there and no one returned for 45 minutes. i left after 45 minutes, leaving a vm on the hotel’s phone # and also sending them and email. in both, i explained the situation and why i left, and requested a refund since i couldn’t access the room. they emailed back about 12 hours later and denied my request. should i push back? are they required to note that a room is entirely handicap inaccessible (second floor, no elevator) in advertising or during booking? are they just kind of assholes but within their legal rights? what would you do? i am somewhat newly disabled and have never encountered anything like this. | laws re: accessibility in hotels | caf6f5 | just wanted to say thanks again to all of you for the info and kindness. i’m realizing that there’s going to be a pretty steep learning curve as i re-enter society bit by bit. i retried the whole hotel stay thing again yesterday because i was worried it would become a big thing in my head and i’d never do it again. i went to a chain hotel and called ahead - completely different experience, everyone was kind and helpful. kindness makes such a humongous different in these situations, huh? | disability | caf6f5 |
how much do you take a day? how long have you been taking it? has it helped you? what improvements have you seen, if any? i'm thinking of taking cinnamon supplements but i would like some advice/feedback from some of my fellow cysters. thanks ladies! :) | anybody here use cinnamon supplements? | 3ma0k1 | cinnamon is a treatment for pcos in chinese medicine. i tried it and it makes me feel a lot better. i don't know if you'd need to take it every day; i didn't-- i just incorporated it into my food about twice a week and it just really warmed me up. | pcos | 3ma0k1 |
yes i'm an idiot i fully accept that. over the last few years and a bit i've developed a very close relationship with a family friend and i/we did fall in love and it became physical. both of us are married so we had "the talk" and agreed it couldn't go on and we had to behave. now my problem is i can't just cut this person out my life because we're in the same circles. our families are really close and we're even booked to all go away on vacation as families in august this year. i know the easiest way to get over her is by a clean cut but if i do that people will notice and that would raise uncomfortable questions. i'm not looking for any sympathy here i know i messed up but any advice is much appreciated. | i'm (33/m) needing advice post affair (27/f) how to remain friends | 6ee7kf | you're going to want to talk to a therapist. the mound of shit you're going to eat in any possible way forward will be hard to swallow. just remember to remember that both the threat and the fact of relational loss are huge stressors. you are under a huge amount of pressure. get all the help you can and stop making rash decisions. the stakes are too high. | relationship_advice | 6ee7kf |
i know this might not be the most popular opinion but alcohol is a fucking blessing when it comes to sa. i'm very anxious when speaking with people - my neck is stone hard, i can't focus, i don't listen what other people are saying because i'm more busy with my anxiety and how do other people perceive me. i'm polish and i live in uk, so every while and then one of either my or my girlfriend's family is coming over for few days to visit us and i'm usually very anxious and stressed during that period. not sure why but i think it's because i have a feeling that i must impress them. and usually it ends up that i can't finish a fucking sentence because i forgot what i was about to say because i'm more focused on their facial expressions and if they enjoy what i'm telling. if i notice even the slightliest disorientation or confusion, i stuck up and behave like a retard. this time it was my girlfriends mum that's visiting us and i know she already noticed there's something wrong with me, but she's just too nice to say it loud. but once we sit down and have a drink, i don't fucking give a shit what other people think about me and i'm doing really well in social interactions. i can focus, i can listen, i respond very properly to others stories and i can come up with my own stories don't paying attention to what others think. it feels so good and free. too bad tomorrow's the day too and i'll have to pretend i'm cool throughout the day masking my anxiety so we can have a drink in the evening and talk like normal people. it's a blessing but only a temporary one. it doesn't solve your problems. it just gives you a hint how's it like when you don't give a damn. **edit:** thanks for the comments. obviously i cannot let myself drinking everyday as i've got a job i really like and a lovely daughter who's an apple of my eye. my dad was/is an alcoholic and it ruined my childhood so i definitely don't want to go that route. it's just amazing how alcohol can reveal the social me which sits somewhere very deeply but i'm just too fucking scared of judgement to show it when i'm sober. | alcohol is the best thing for social anxiety since sliced bread | 4h2fcf | besides everything that people have said about alcoholism, the other problem with using alcohol is that it can easily become a [safety behavior](WEBLINK) that makes it harder to overcome your anxiety. safety behaviors are things that make you feel better in the short term, but are harmful in the long term because they teach you to avoid the problem rather than face it. i don't that there's anything wrong with drinking occasionally to loosen up, but i'd be careful about letting it become your go-to strategy. | socialanxiety | 4h2fcf |
thankful thursday is a weekly thread where you are encouraged to share your gratitude. so, sobernauts, what are you thankful for today? >[when we numb \[hard feelings\], we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.--brene brown](WEBLINK) that quote comes from [brown’s famous tedx talk on vulnerability](WEBLINK). it’s well worth your time if you haven’t seen it, or seen it recently. below is a longer excerpt from the transcript that places that quote in more context: >...you cannot selectively numb emotion. you can't say, here's the bad stuff. here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. i don't want to feel these. i'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin... you can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. you cannot selectively numb. so when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. and then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. and it becomes this dangerous cycle. i find the connection of “hard” feelings and “good” feelings interesting. i was certainly numbing the hard and uncomfortable feelings when i was drinking. at the time, i would have told you that it wasn’t affecting, and maybe even enhancing, the more enjoyable feelings. i’m not sure that i was wrong, and the numbing was mostly moving from uncomfortable to a more comfortable and fun fuzz. i was certainly miserable, looking for purpose, seeking meaning. but vulnerable? certainly not in the sense that brown is talking about. i still struggle with that, even experiencing the fear, disappointment, joy, and gratitude. what about you? does this quote, or other of brown’s work, resonate or enhance your understanding? bonus track: [comfortably numb](WEBLINK), obviously. | thankful thursday: numb | d31skg | i'm thankful for coffee. thankful for my office, which is calm and inviting. thankful for the career that i have - i've worked hard to get where i am, for many years. thankful that i finally found a man i wanted to marry - i wasn't sure that would ever happen. thankful for my sobriety and that i finally have mastered my cravings for sweets. i've been steadily improving my diet and it's healthier now than ever before. for my gym, my trainer, my new shoes, my book club. | stopdrinking | d31skg |
**context** i have been improving myself lately by applying positive habits for myself. the only problem is, i over exaggerate everything i do. for example, i workout 7-10 hours a week. i will tell people i did 14 . people don't even ask me how much i work out. i just tell them. i keep telling myself to shut up. it doesn't work. i want to be humble. i want my actions to show for themselves. when i fasted 72 hours, the whole world had to know i fasted for 72 hours. literally no one cares. yet i can't shut up about it. if there's any more context you need, please ask :) | how do i walk the walk? | fcxet7 | it is great that your recognize this ! self awareness is so important to change . your work is probably to figure out what need you are trying to meet with this behavior. what are your feeling? your self talk ? once you identify the need a you could work on finding a new , healthier way to meet it. good luck! | askatherapist | fcxet7 |
we're both college students, upperclassmen. he's slightly socially awkward. he's not a close friend, but we used to live in the same dorm and were in the same class once. over the summer, he claims to have been hospitalized and put on a involuntary hold and was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar (by his employer's in-house doctors), but refutes those diagnoses. right now, he claims that undercover government officials are taking classes with him and visiting him at work and fucking with him. he states that some of them have straight up told them they were undercover. he also states this is starting to affect his behavior - he says he's becoming more paranoid and going out of his way to avoid interacting with people; he also states that he is unable to concentrate on his studies because they're in his classes, always sitting next to him and "asking weird questions". he's never shown any signs of abnormal behavior prior to this past summer. he realizes his statements are pretty out there ("this might seem kind of crazy but.."), and states that he has avoided telling everything to his parents because he is afraid they will have him medicated. he also claims to have talked with a counselor in our campus counseling center and told them everything expecting them to believe he was crazy, but states the counselor agreed with some of the things he was saying ("you know...some of the stuff you're saying makes sense and is plausible."). he also states this feels like the truman show and everyone is acting. i do not believe he's a danger to himself or others as he's never been violent or expressed any violent things. tl;dr my friend is basically the main character in a movie where everyone's out to get him. what's going on, and should i do anything? ninja edit: he states he was prescribed risperidone by the in-house doctors at his employer, and that when he saw campus doctors they agreed with that prescription. he refuses to take it because it "slows him down" and he isn't able to think clearly. | my friend is becoming increasingly paranoid and i don't know what's going on or how to help | 2udpt0 | which school? do they have a prodromal psychosis program he can participate in? a lot of them are computer based memory exercises to help regrow brain connections and improve reality testing. risperdal is by no means the only med out there. if he doesn't like the side effects he can change meds, not stop all together. he may be taking his counselor out of context, or the counselor may be responding to something he said think of all the paranoid people vindicated by edward snowden. | mentalhealth | 2udpt0 |
previous post link will be in the bottom. ok so a lot of weird stuff happened after we broke up. she mentioned she wanted to stay in touch with me, which was tough for me. she started texting me the same day and overal being like usual - fun, energetic, joking, caring... she even invited me to an exhibition. a few people suggested that she jsut wants to remain friends with me, etc. . . after a few days of just texting and making plans for the exhibition (although my responses were usualy not quick and not so enthusiastic), she asked if i'm mad at her. she opened up the topic of the breakup basically and whatnot... what surprised me is how much leverage i had over the situation (usually the person wanting breakup is the one with the stronger 'hand', after all they can just walk away and have stopped caring anyways)... this time she asked what my solution is and afterwards agreed to continue trying to make things work out with each other. she says she's lost the physical desire for me, and actually doesn't enjoy it if i touch her like holding her waiste or hands. it's odd, but she also always hated when other people would touch her (including her parents). during this conversation, i could actually feel how she was so afraid of losing me that she overcame her usually impulsive 19 temper and asked what i can offer, so she doesn't get to lose me. made me feel like i'm the one breaking up with her and not vice versa. here's the oddest part, when i asked her if she wants things to work out and her to gain the same physical desire for me and all, to which she said yes. so yeah, we're here now. she keeps saying how she enjoys me as a person and wants to spend more time with me, and also mentioned how she'd be happy if things work out again and we become a normal couple. what do you guys think about this? i know i should do the whole 9 yards of 'be yourself' and all that, but what should i do in this case? be less enthusiastic or more enthusiastic? i need female's perspective on this. previous post: WEBLINK | [update]my gf [19/f] and i [26/m] are trying to make things work again, but i'm thoroughly confused. i need advice! | 75y7zu | "she says she's lost the physical desire for me, and actually doesn't enjoy it if i touch her like holding her waiste or hands. it's odd, but she also always hated when other people would touch her (including her parents)." this is huge. you would have to love her a lot and be very patient . this will take a long time to resolve. i would suggest couple therapy/ | relationship_advice | 75y7zu |
hello. i'm new here but i am at my wits end trying to help my father recover from his addiction. about a year and a half ago my grandparents had an intervention for my father. he had been staying with his friend because my mom finally divorced him after years of emotional abuse and non stop drinking. her and my sister tried their best to get him to stop/seek help but he would not listen and he continued to drink and cause stress in their lives. i was in college so i was not aware of how bad things were and i wasnt around to help. so in march of last year we had the first intervention, when i got there he was covered in blood and bruises because he had fallen down the stairs while he was drunk and i guess was so messed up he didnt even think to shower or anything. after that first intervention he was in the hospital for almost four months, recovering from his drinking and then he got mrsa on his foot and almost lost his foot. while all of this was going on he missed my college graduation and since he was in such bad shape my grandparents had to take care of him and they had to miss my graduation as well, which was worse than him missing it. he recovered from all of that just fine and moved in with my grandparents, where he still lives. so after all that he was sober until around halloween or thanksgiving, no one knows exactly when he started drinking again. since he was living with parents now he didnt have access to alcohol at home so he would drive to liquor stores and then drive around drunk all day. in february of this year he told me he had broken his almost 10 months of sobriety (at that point i didnt know he had started drinking again around thanksgiving) and that he would resume going to aa meetings and speaking with a therapist so i told him i was disappointed but i know that it is hard to beat addiction and that everyone makes mistakes but he get back on the bandwagon and get beat this. then in march of this year we had to have another intervention because he was driving around so drunk he was calling people saying crazy things, my uncle even called the police because we didnt if he was ok or not. so we had the second intervention and he agreed to complete a full month of rehab. he has been doing well since then until today when he texted me that he had drank again yesterday. i havent answered because i am just at a loss for words and confused and angry and that is why im posting here. i would think that after he lost his wife, lost his house, his license (he got a dui in 2017), missed my college graduation, almost died and had two interventions from his family and time at a rehab center and so much support from my grandparents (who are too old to be dealing with all this, theyre 77) he would want to get better! i know an addiction is incredibly hard to deal with but the only time he has gone more than two months without drinking was when he immobile in the hospital. i want him to stop drinking so he doesnt die but after all of this it seems like he just doesnt want to stop and that makes me so mad. i dont care if my relationship with him is trash, but the way this has affected my mom and sister and grandparents makes me so mad at him. sorry if this is starting to not make sense i just had to get this all of my chest and i was hoping maybe someone here has experienced something similar and they could offer some advice on how to not be so mad at him or maybe some way to try to help him. thank you. | i need help dealing with my alcoholic father | hfom0x | have you ever attended al-anon family groups? it’s a wonderful resource for the families of alcoholics. i also recommend watching the movie starring winona ryder, “when love isn’t enough”. in addition, i recommend reading the wikipedia page for “community reinforcement and family training” which offers some excellent advice on how you can best help yourself as well as your father. most alcoholics require multiple attempts to stop drinking and stay stopped. if your father is attending aa his on the right track. WEBLINK | alcoholicsanonymous | hfom0x |
the funeral was for a girl from my school who died friday night. she was a classmate, a mutual friend, and she was amazingly lovely to everyone. after her funeral i ran into my rapist. at the fucking funeral. this is the second time in a couple weeks. this time he touched me. he walked by me, but deliberately dragged his back and shoulders against mine. i hate that, and the fact that it was by him made it even worse. fuck... i almost threw up. god damn i did not need this today. | today, i went to my classmates funeral and ran into my rapist. mmfb | 157p1n | i'm so sorry for your lost, plus the fact that your rapist is still affecting your life. i am not sure what to say since i haven't had a death in my life since i was seven or so (about twelve years), & i have never dealt with something as traumatic as rape. have you reported your rapist? | mmfb | 157p1n |
i need some help. i'm in an about 6 year relationship (20 f) since high school with a 22 m. i'm having doubts about our relationship and if i think we would be better as friends. so is there any thought processes or questions i can ask myself to help clear it up? i've never broken up with someone so i have no idea what to do. i'm just scared that i will make the wrong decision. i know only i can make this decision, so any help to try and clear up my head would be great. to maybe clear this up, we have a good relationship. i just notice a lot of things i don't like about our relationship and him. he argues a lot, doesn't seem interested in my life, and doesn't worry about his future. i don't want to change him to please me, but i know i do love him and have fun with him. i don't want to break up with him, but at the same time what if that's the best thing for me? | i have no idea what to do | 76ezce | he's still young. still resolving adult life issues. you might have to wait a while for him to mature. suggest therapy if he's depressed. | relationship_advice | 76ezce |
i had asked [***this question***](WEBLINK) at r/nutrition, but maybe this is the better place. ***tl/dr: can anyone offer insight or reference to if 1/5th a farm salmon portion per day m-f is in any way approaching any of the mercury warnings? *** last year i began adding canned sardines to my morning breakfast plate to boost my fish-oil, protein and vit-a and hopefully mitigate some seasonal affect symptoms i had found becoming more persistent each fall/winter. as spring arrived i experimented a bit and replaced the sardines with kippers. not a significant taste change, but overall i found the fish portion next to my omelette to be something i looked forward to more and more. most recently i realized that for the same basic cost of the 5+ cans of kippers or sardines each week, i can buy 1 medium sized farmed salmon filet. i then carve that into 5 equal portions and saute 1 portion each morning with my sausage patty. ...but what about mercury? so far the simple google research seems to indicate that "wild-caught" pacific salmon are considered very low in mercury and don't really have "portion-restrictions" with regards to mercury. my impression would be that "farm-raised" salmon would be better still having been raised in "controlled-conditions." can anyone offer insight or reference to if 1/5th a farm salmon portion per day m-f is in any way approaching any of the mercury warnings? | guidance on farmed salmon portion v mercury | 570kqs | no idea - but i suspect that you are worrying about something that has relatively small risks to your health relative to the myriad of other factors that affect all of us in our daily lives. | askdocs | 570kqs |
hi i need advice...my brother is calling me from the hospital threatening to kill himself if we dont let him out.he's been admitted into the hospital for his behavior. he's hit my mom, collects garbage . he was admitted early september and the doctor said he had ocd, he was there for 5 weeks then released, a week later, he went off and broke things all over the house, got into a physical fight with another brother and took a knife to him so he was admitted again. he's been there for a week and another doctor said he may have psychosis. he said he saw the doctor today and said his probablem is behaviro and that he doesn't have psychosis (i dont know what to beleive) he's called me today threatening to kill himself if we dont come to release him i can't tell if he's serious or being emotionally manipulative. or if i should even pick up his calls. | my brother is threatening to kill himself | 2k50yy | if he's threatening to kill himself, the hospital is probably the safest place for him to be. i would recommend calling the nurses' station of the unit he is on, asking to speak with the charge nurse, and letter him/her know that's what he has been telling you. | mentalhealth | 2k50yy |
what about me is so unlovable what makes people take advantage of me and treat me like shit?? am i really that horrible what is wrong with me i just need to know this i’m so tired of myself | if you relate to this, you want to share advice or love, anything please | ae1xcx | i think it's a two fold factor. well, threefold. one, we have shitty ppl in our lives. people that either have always been there or ones we are drawn to that suck. two, our own actions and behaviors lead to us making mistakes and being vulnerable to those that would prey upon us. three, we perceive ourselves to be less than | bpd | ae1xcx |
i don't want to go to a professional for help. i've always had problems, but one i've had for the last 5 years that seems more undeniable than most is a need to wake up in the middle of the night to 'slow' the passage of time while sleeping - i do this by drinking a lot of water or setting my alarm. this is a compulsion that i can't overcome, and it's gotten me in trouble. i'd imagine there's something diagnosably wrong with me, but disorders have a barnum and bailey effect to them - i see a little of myself in the descriptions of all of them. this symptom i've described seems unique, though, in that i haven't seen it described anywhere else. is it familiar to anyone? | symptom i developed in adulthood - associated conditions? | 3ew067 | it sounds like this is very impairing and frustrating. have you reached out to any social supports? friends or family? i can't diagnose on here obviously but i was wondering if you could give more detail on why you would like to slow the passage of time? what would happen if you didn't do these compulsions? | mentalhealth | 3ew067 |
hello fellow redditors, today has been an extremely hard day for me but i believe that it could be the first day of something greater. i've always been a drinker and honestly couldn't imagine having a social life without it. last night, i stayed up until 4 am drinking whiskey, knowing that i had to go into work this morning. woke up extremely hungover, avoided pretty much everyone in the office and even one of my best friends that i work with, i am usually a pretty social guy but couldn't think about talking to anyone. (this has happened on multiple occasions). my manager comes up to me and asks if everything is okay, and if i am doing alright and say that i am just going through the motions and trying to get things done at work. he than has a private meeting with the director and then my manager proceeds to tell me that i need to put all of these safety managers phone numbers in my cell-phone and ask, "why?" and he said just in case i ever need to report someone at work that is drunk or you can sense they are in danger of themselves. at this point, i am thinking well that is rather strange, so now i am freaking out that i am going to get drug tested tomorrow and recently whenever i have a drink, i have been doing cocaine and gambling (was sober from gambling for the past 6 months but recently just started back and now it's worse than it was before. &#x200b; i am nervous that i will get caught and my job is really the other thing that keeps me together in life. i have been having a hard time dealing with the regret of ending my relationship with my ex girlfriend, all that my friend group does is get drunk together and feel like i don't have anything in common with them unless we are getting drunk, have been doing a lot of cocaine and starting to get in financially debt. i just feel lost in life right now, i am 26 years old. i like to consider myself pretty healthy, enjoy being active, being outside and meeting new people but i am scared if i give up drinking than none of my friends will want to hang out with me and i am afraid that i will be boring if i do not drink. i currently attend a counselor from my gambling problem and he asked me what it would look like if i didn't drink for a weekend and that request just seemed impossible. i don't want to end up a lonely alcoholic with nothing to show but being known as the, "drunk". thinking back on all of the things that i have gotten in trouble with in the past in regards to addiction, i have always always been drinking but i have never stopped to think that maybe the alcohol is the problem? i am in denial but my higher power is telling me that i need to stop or i will be miserable. maybe my higher power is helping me type this right now because it knows that i am right. i have reached out to one of my best friend adam who is my co-worker and told him that i think i have a drinking problem. he is really religious and has had his fair share of struggles. i believe this is the first step along with typing this message out. any thoughts or help would be greatly appreciated because i am lost and all i can think about is finishing my bottle from last night and maybe then i will find the answer. | day 1 - realization | dsop9i | welcome, glad you are here. i think it’s great you reached out to a coworker and to us. my advice for the first few days: get rid of any booze in the house, stock up on gatorade and junk food, and be kind to yourself. your only job is to not take a drink. | stopdrinking | dsop9i |
so i (36/m) used to have 2 or 3 platonic female friends who i would get together with occasionally. but my fiance (29/f) says now that we're engaged, i can't see these women one-on-one anymore. mostly, i just miss having regular running and tennis partners (my fiance doesn't do either of these activities). is she in the right here? are you supposed to give up friendships with the opposite sex when you get married? thanks. | my fiance won't let me hang out with any of my old female friends. | 771zm4 | you have a right to any platonic friend you want to have. period. | relationship_advice | 771zm4 |
throwaway because family reddits: please don't "up-vote" alot...i really need advice on the quiet. my sister and her kids (younger) are living with us (me, hubby, our 2 kiddos) because she has left & is divorcing her hubby. i have to be somewhat vague d/t fellow redditors. they have been here about 5 weeks: she was previously a sahm. * no job: has applied 2 places. * kiddos wake up about 1-2 hours before her and run/jump on furniture/tear up house. * there are still about 30-40 boxes around un-packed * she/kids get up late & go to bed about 4-5 hours after we do (my kids have school early & they are loud!) * not making any real contribution to household care (chores, cleaning, cooking). we work 8-4/5 then come home to cook dinner and do chores. she has been here all day and does very little. we are going to have a talk today. i need feedback on time-lines (find a job by this time and move out after ____ time when you are on your feet). i need serious boundary advice. i have allowed this to go on this far and shame on me. i need advice/help to get us moving into the right direction. tl;dr sister & kids moved in. no job. no respect for our family home/schedule/needs. | please: my sister & her kids are "staying with us for a time" and we are having serious issues | 1sxsbd | yikes. all of this should have been discussed before she moved in. my thoughts-- as a previous sahm she is likely going to have a hard time finding work because of either being out of the workforce for so long and/or not having many skills. what i would do-- give her several ultimatums... 1) find paying employment-- tell her to go to a temp agency if nothing else 2)two month timeframe to move out. this gives her enough time to save up for the deposit on an apartment and really get her butt into gear for a job/place to live. if she doesn't find something after that point, not your fault. 3) give her a list of chores she needs to complete if she is going to be living there rent free/not working. if she balks, tell her she's fee to move out tomorrow. if she contributes monetarily instead, you can used that to hire a cleaning lady for a time. 4)house rules she needs to abide by. again, if she balks, she is free to live elsewhere. 5) if all of this seems too confrontational to do by yourself, consider enlisting the aid of a family counselor for 2-3 sessions to work out the details. the big thing is to make it clear that this is all her choice, thereby alleviating you of any guilt. she doesn't follow the rules/doesn't contribute? she has effectively chosen the consequence of not being able to live there. change the locks if you have to, but have a timeline, rules, clear consequences, and stick to them. she will likely try to drag things out. get all of this in writing and have her sign it so she can't say she never agreed to certain terms! (i am not a lawyer though.... you may find yourself in a bind if she is truly a horrible person because even in not paying rent she is still legally your roommate/tenant and there are laws about eviction. hopefully she doesn't play that card, but if she gets nasty she might.) edited to add: it's possible she may be suffering from depression if she is laying around the house doing nothing all day. suggesting she see a counselor may help with that and her motivation. some clinics have free/sliding scale counseling, and most universities with counseling degree programs have free clinics if money is a problem. | relationship_advice | 1sxsbd |
i myself am in recovery and work at a 90 day impatient treatment center for recovery from eating disorders. | how many of you in recovery and on this subreddit work in either the mental health field or addiction/ recovery? | mm0h7 | msw student in recovery, possibly will work in the addictions field. | redditorsinrecovery | mm0h7 |
i know she will hate me for breaking up with her. i've felt this way for around 6 months now and we have been going about 2 years. what do i do? has anyone been in the same boat? | love gf[both 21] don't want to be in a relationship | 1dj0w6 | why do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? is it the relationship itself? did something happen (cheating, sudden loss, another big issue or stressor)? what about the relationship is bothering you? are you still in love with your girlfriend or do you have feelings of love and caring towards her? there is definitely a difference between the two. | relationship_advice | 1dj0w6 |
in october i was taken to the hospital by police after my psychiatrist learned i had tried something stupid the previous night, and then i left her office abruptly in sheer panic. i’m interested in volunteering at a counseling/crisis center, as i am thinking about becoming a counselor and would like some experience first. however, i am afraid to volunteer or really look for any work at all because i am afraid this stay will show up on a background check. does it work that way? i’m in new york, and that is also where the incident occurred if that helps any. thank you! edit: fixed sentence for better clarity. | will an involuntary stay in the hospital come up in a background check? | aacgpe | as others have said. it won't show up on a background check. background checks generally show if you have any criminal charges, or driving record (if applicable), they don't show involuntary hospitalizations. what an involuntary hospitalization will likely impact is your ability to own a firearm or be employed by the armed forces or police as others have stated but that's about it. | mentalhealth | aacgpe |
do therapists see therapists? is a requirement for them? if they see someone, can they disclose patients they may struggle with? can they discuss patients? i ask because my therapist once mentioned in passing, “i said that to my therapist “. that took me by surprise. i get the idea of transference, but how acceptable is it? do i really need to share with my therapist thoughts/feelings/fantasies i have? if it is recommended, how do i bring it up? thank you | i have a couple of questions. | ezl36b | yes a lot of therapists see therapists. it might be required some where, but idk where....would be a good idea though. therapists might talk about clients, but never giving any identifying info it’s also all covered under confidentiality so whatever your t talks about regarding clients is all confidential with their therapist. it’s more in terms of things they are stressed or struggling with in working with a client or clients. if something the client talked about brought something up for them or they are worrying about something they said to a client that they wish they had said differently etc. basically more about how clients impact them or what comes up with things clients talk about (e.g., therapist who has trauma may react or have an internal feeling come up when with a client who is talking about similar trauma). there is helpful transference and unhelpful transference. are you talking about feelings and fantasies of your therapist? it depends how you feel about sharing this information and if you think it would be helpful for you to disclose that. | askatherapist | ezl36b |
should i quit fapping at all, or should i fap once a week (no porn) if i want the highest testosterone levels i can achieve? i am willing to quit masturbating for good if it's the best option for this matter. | fapping once a week vs not fapping at all testosterone levels | cj085x | apparently testosterone levels rise to 150% after about 7 days without masturbation. after that it stays around that level and - at some later point - begins to go down again slowly. i researched this a while back and you’ll have to go back to google scholar if you’re looking for the evidence. it’s out there. you may also try supplements (t-100 is what i’m experimenting with at the moment; mixed results, but generally positive. though 7+ days without sex/masturbation does have a more pronounced, noticeable effect for me at the moment). question also is, what results do you expect from higher t levels? | nofap | cj085x |
23/male/6'1/191 pounds/white/usa/panic disorder/propranolol would it be dangerous to do either of these things while on beta blockers? i know if you stand up too fast they could cause problems with your heart if you've been sitting for too long. i guess a rollercoaster would be an amplified version of standing up too fast? and would falling (skydiving) have this same effect? thanks! | propranolol and rollercoasters/skydiving | 8yl4vo | it might feel weird (or weirder), but no, i don't think so. the difficulty with beta blockers and some other antihypertensives is that if you stand up suddenly your blood pressure can take a while to catch up to gravity, which leaves you woozy and lightheaded. it's potentially but very rarely enough to cause you to pass out. a rollercoaster has all kinds of quick changes in graivty, and i don't think any area really steady enough for anyone to adjust well; skydiving actually gives you the experience of zero subjective gravity, which is the opposite of standing up suddenly. if you're on propranolol you don't have any symptoms when standing up fast, i wouldn't have any worry. if you, you might be more likely to feel bad or even lose consciousness briefly on a rollercoaster. i think skydiving would not cause problems, but since any risk of passing out when you need to stop yourself from plummeting to your death seems like a bad risk to take i wouldn't do it if you have any lightheadedness/dizziness. | askdocs | 8yl4vo |
so i've been seeing a girl for about a month now. we've gone on about 8 dates and became official about a week ago. she continually tells me i'm cute, handsome, nice, funny etc... she even makes me her "man crush monday" on facebook. but when i try to have sex she says she still isn't ready. i don't want to pressure her into doing anything but it makes me feel unwanted. is it normal for someone to wait this long or am i justified in wondering something's wrong? i'm 23 she's 28 | girlfriend still isn't ready for sex | 5wswuu | don't take it personally. she's going slower than most, which is a good and mature thing that many should take a lesson from. | relationship_advice | 5wswuu |
i am 32/f, 119 lbs, taking cymbalta (60 mg) for depression. took trazodone (25-50 mg) recently for 4 months but stopped 2 months ago for sleep. i have developed twitching since the combination of the two for about 7 months now. the twitching isn't as bad as when it started but it's still really annoying. it only happens in the legs 95% of the time. nerve test says i am normal. neurologist says that it could be from the medicine cymbalta but not sure. he wants me to do an mri to see. the thing is that i was on cymbalta for almost 10 years, i started tapering cymbalta last year and was reintroduced 7 months ago (hence the twitching started with the combo of trazodone). could it be cymbalta or the trazodone still haven't left my system? i'm so confused. | trazodone or cymbalta causes twitching? | 8f9y78 | i never say that a side effect can’t happen, but twitching is not a standard cymbalta or trazodone side effect. if you took cymbalta before and didn’t have that problem i’m even less inclined to put the blame there. could it be from stopping trazodone? conceivably, but again not common. maybe it is some unusual result of the interaction. maybe it’s unrelated and the timing is a coincidence. if it continues to get better and the work up doesn’t find anything probably there will never be an explanation, which in some ways is the best (no medical news is good news). i would leave it to the neurologist to manage. | askdocs | 8f9y78 |
i imagine it must be hard living in someone else's bubble through their traumas while you listen intently. does this affect you in any way? | therapists, are you ok? | ev8im5 | it can and has affected me (especially in the beginning and even now when it involves small children or teens that are currently being harmed) and i work through it, i get in my car and cry, rage against the system, vent outloud or sing as loud as i can to my favorite music, while i drive home. this helps tremendously! it gas become less frequent over the years- most likely because i see my own t regularly as part of my self care. i wouldn't trade this work for any other. | askatherapist | ev8im5 |
so i’m stressing completely over this situation that may be silly. a little history.... i was put on abilify after my last hospitalization and did great on it. at least for a couple of weeks. i have been diagnosed previously with bipolar disorder, ptsd, ocd, gad, and intermittent insomnia. lately.... for the last month or so i’ve been cycling really bad. my mania has brought out severe ocd symptoms and my depression has me stuck thinking about suicide. i spoke to the nurse about what was going on and she pulled me off my abilify, took me off my vistiril, and lowered my lithium. i’m freaking out, probably more than i should, about all these changes. last time i was off an anti psychotic i almost did something horrible. has anyone else ever dealt with this? any advice would be appreciated. oh... i should mention i haven’t seen a psychiatrist in months because they always schedule me with the nurse. i do have an appointment on the 18th that’s supposed to be with the psychiatrist but i’m not holding my breath | concerned about med changes | 8ae1ce | you have a right to speak to your treating psychiatrist. i would demand to speak to him or her, have a list a questions prepared, and jot down notes for yourself. is the nurse a nurse practitioner? in any event, you have a right to meet with your doctor. it's not silly to be feel upset, i would be. what's going on is important, and at this moment, a detailed, collaborative discussion of your treatment plan is clinically indicated, in my humble opinion, because that is what you need to continue the recovery process. advocate for yourself...you can totally do it. | mentalillness | 8ae1ce |
so i never get angry even when i should be. like i can only ever remember being truly angry once in my life. the most recent event was a girl i was seeing cheated and i never felt an ounce of anger. i felt hurt and sad but not angry. even the girl couldn't believe i was angry she kept insisting that i must be and that i should. i feel like it's not a normal healthy response. am i worrying about nothing? | i never get angry and i feel like it's causing me problems | 2rtvkp | tell me about this one time you were angry. | mentalhealth | 2rtvkp |
skip to bottom for tl;dr finally able to say that i'm depressed. it's really not a big step but for the longest time i told myself "it's just social anxiety". just ignored why every day for years i'd just sit in my chair and not move, blamed it on being lazy, unmotivated, just overall that i was a subpar human being. i never believed that it was because i depressed, when i'm with my best friends i'm comfortable, i laugh, joke and smile. without them though, every second is just a miserable, anxious hell. i've used relationships as crutches this whole time to make myself feel like i had a reason to be here, give myself value. after a few years in the military i realize now that i've always been depressed. and it's freeing to say that, i'll go to see a psychiatrist soon, but this just felt right. tl;dr i'm sad, i lied to myself because 'how could i be depressed if i'm happy with my best friends?" honestly i was wondering what helps you get out of bed in the morning? thanks guys. | coming to terms, but lost at the side of an endless winding road. | 2evq5n | hey there! good for you for recognizing it's more than social anxiety. i think it's great you find so much strength and happiness in your relationships, i'm sure they benefit similarly. anyway, hmm, when i get down and overwhelmed with life i try to think about a few things: * this will most likely pass * it's an amazing miracle i even exist and this is my only shot at life on earth so i might as well make it an adventure * i've thought things would never get better before, and they did * my life can enrich other lives, and already does * my two cats need me, funny-lame sounding, but they are a comfort to me * there is a lot i still want to see and do i'm glad you are open to talking and seeking help. depression comes in many forms and presents in numerous ways. you're gonna be okay :) | depression | 2evq5n |
female, 24, 158 lbs, 5'5, 150mg zoloft would it be okay to have a drink or two in social situations on zoloft? | can i drink in moderation on antidepressants? | e75k7a | zoloft has no dangerous interactions with alcohol, although it might make you feel sleepy faster. alcohol consumed in moderation is fine, but it tends to worsen depression. just something to be aware of. | askdocs | e75k7a |
if someone with psychosis is hallucinating and imagines another person and they are shown the person does not actually exist; if the person hallucinating effectively "kills" the imaginary person, will they likely move forward? | this may not be the right place to ask... | 3y0uyg | short answer: no. hallucinations are not grounded in logic or reason. they are grounded in irrational beliefs and fear. you can have a visual hallucination fully aware it is not real, and still convince yourself that it is. | mentalhealth | 3y0uyg |
been a smoker most my life. was diagnosed 1-1.5 years ago. been through a couple 6 weeks bcg treatments. i tried quitting but it lasted maybe a month. i went to my 3 month checkup and was clear then went to 6 month checkup today and a tumor was there again. he said it was superficial and could just be removed. i guess my question is if i quit smoking will it actually keep them from coming back or am i just going to keep getting recurrences whether i smoke or not? | bladder cancer and smoking | 9v75x4 | if the tumor regrew from leftover cells from the initial tumor, no, your smoking probably wasn't responsible for the recurrence, but that's only probable. on the other hand, if you developed bladder cancer once, you have a perfect setup to develop bladder cancer again as long as you keep smoking. assuming they do get all of it this time, yes, quitting dramatically reduces your risk of new bladder cancers, among other cancers and other bad health outcomes. | askdocs | 9v75x4 |
let me start of by saying i've never had another girlfriend. i lack experience, and thus lack perspective. thus i really appreciate your perspective if you are able to sit through the lengthy description that follows. my girlfriend is a daughter of iranian immigrants and suffers from ocd. i am a white american with add. we connect on the 'important' issues, but the trivial daily relationship friction that results from our cultural and mental disorder differences is really bad. there are of course many areas where our relationship is unique and amazing, which is why i have stayed a part of this relationship for so long. but, still, her frustrations with me have pushed our 5-year relationship to verge of failure. her family life was strict and lifeless. she grew up in the suburbs. her mom hates her dad because she has always earned more than him. this anger from her mother was a constant cloud above her childhood. as a kid, her parents never encouraged her to take on any hobbies or sports. her whole childhood was literally: school, home, tv, homework, bed, repeat. her upbringing produced a host of destructive mental disorders: 1) **vaginismus** – she is literally incapable of penetrative sex. her mom taught her sex was bad. she has never used a tampon, never had a gynological exam, and we have never had penetrative sex. when i raise the issue with her, she shuts down. 2) **asexuality** – i don’t get the impression that she is bothered by the fact that she can’t have sex, aside from the fact that it makes her not normal. she has never watched porn in her life, she does not masturbate, and she never initiates physical contact with me. on the rare occasion that she gives in to me physical initiations, she likes to grind, reach a surface orgasm, and then rolls on her side. if i ask for a handjob after, she will roll her eyes and give me what amounts to an unenjoyed (on either part), unenthusiastic handjob. she is also grossed about by semen and prefers to cover my penis with a napkin. 3) **germophobia** -- anytime we are out, she asks me not to touch things like counter tops, walls, railings, and so on. upon returning home, shoes must always be taken off, clothes must be changed into ‘house clothes’, and hands must be washed. not doing any of these things results in extreme anger on her part. 4) **controlling** – she wants everything done in a particular way. the cabinets should not make a noise when they are closed. everything in the refrigerator has an exact location. meals must be cooked using the fewest number utensils possible, fewest number ingredients possible, and without any spills. 5) **indecisiveness** – she will spends weeks deliberating ‘big purchases’. all new clothes go into the closet for 1 – 3 months before being worn or ultimately returned (2/3 clothing items get returned). all receipts must be saved and verified with her checking account. she is obsessed with yelp. all restaurants must be vetted on yelp. picking a new restaurant to eat at will literally take a minimum of an hour and routinely 2 hours. she must read all the reviews, view the menu, look at photos of the food, and already have her meal selected before we can leave. as a result, there are only 5 restaurants she will eat at (when she is going of her own choosing and not for work for example). she must pick the meal (it’s always the same meal at each restaurant) and we must split it. asking to consider a different restaurant or meal on the menu or simply getting different meals, even when i’m paying is met with extreme anger. 6) her life is about **efficiency** rather than pleasure. for example, last weekend i proposed the idea of cooking a meal together. she rejected all of my meal ideas as being too complicated, even though i was willing to make the meal on my own. all i wanted to do was handmake pasta on the countertop, make some pasta sauce, and make an apple/walnut/lemon-dressing salad. however, the thought of flour being on the countertop was too messy. my family is well educated and successful like hers, but we are fundamentally laid back—even compared to other western white families. we don’t lock the front door, the house is cluttered, my mom is late everywhere she goes, and so on. although i suffer from add, i am actually acutely aware of it and thus go through great lengths to combat it. however, i still struggle on a daily basis. consequences of my add include: leaving the keys in the front door, leaving drinks out, forgetting to turn lights off, leaving the ac / heater running, and failure to form new habits quickly. as you can imagine, my upbringing resulted in my ‘natural order of operation’ being completely at odds with hers. despite this, i am open-minded and am willing to change the way i do everything, because i fundamentally see the logic of her peculiarities (aside from our sexual differences). however, my add oversights bother her to no end. things have gotten so bad that she literally wants to break up. over christmas, she and her sister got into a fight. her sister revealed that their family had gone out to dinner the day after we returned to our town. they agreed that she treats me terribly, i am too nice to her, and that if we were ever to break up that she would never find anybody who would tolerate her. these are fucked up things to say, but the thing is, i literally agree. i can’t imagine that anybody would be able to tolerate. moreover, the thought that she now wants to break up with me seems literally insane given all of her issues. | i'm [25/m] white american dating a [25/fm] first generation iranian girl. am i or is she crazy / are these cultural differences / am i insensitive. i really need advice. | 5tk8qk | she needs a doctor and a therapist. | relationship_advice | 5tk8qk |