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my boyfriend is getting ready to move to another state, i'm staying where i currently live and he does not want a long distance relationship. that doesn't really give me much closure at the end of the relationship. i love him and i know he cares about me. we were friends first and he wants to keep in touch. i would love to keep in contact with him, but i'm also worried my heart will be too much in it if we are talking on a regular basis and i won't be able to move on eventually. any advice or past similar experiences? | help | 6ma24p | sorry. you can't have contact with someone you love who doesn't love you back. it's pouring salt in the wound. you have to move on. | relationship_advice | 6ma24p |
so i had lunch with this guy, lets call him *eyebrows*. he seemed really cool and we really got along well. i'm not usually one to easily declare someone my friend because i have bad anxiety. so i slowly tried to ease myself into this friendship. my anxiety started to kick in and tell me that he just wanted to get down my pants, but i brushed it off as the typical. anyways, so eyebrows has a reputation of being one to sleep around. he knows, however, that i am a virgin and don't do that. i thought that he respected me, but i guess my optimism will just have to be my downfall. turns out, eyebrows made a bet with some of his friends that he could get down my pants in just a matter of days. in fact, one of his friends asked him, while i was standing behind him, if i had, "blown [him] yet." i just needed to rant about how furious this made me. i'm a woman and i respect my body. i respect his, too. i try to be a nice person and keep my mouth shut about things like this, but, "yet"? like he's expecting it. fucking douche. i'm not a whore, i'm a woman. edit: bet not bed | i'm not a whore, i'm a woman. | 1yijgu | i hate how even associating with a womanizer can get you a reputation. don't men realize how stupid it is to block off social connections by doing this? | offmychest | 1yijgu |
* 27 * caucasian male * 5'10" * 230 lbs * currently taking: 20mg lexapro, flonase i understand some heartburn meds could interfere with lexapro metabolism (e.g. prilosec). what kind of otc meds can i take safely? i'm currently losing weight at about 2lb/week and doing all the other things to reduce heartburn but would like additional relief in the interim. | otc reflux meds with lexapro | 8iq0hz | pantoprazole \(protonix\) is one of the least drug\-drug interactive of the proton pump inhibitors, so that would probably be my first recommendation. the h2 blockers like ranitidine \(zantac\) are also mostly fine, but tend to lose effectiveness over time in a way ppis don't. | askdocs | 8iq0hz |
i am barely able to even process that any of this is real right now, and yet what i saw is now on a compulsive loop in my mind that is making me feel horrendous. it wasn't cheating, we had been broken up when the videos were made, but we got back together two weeks later so even the proximity is digging at me. seeing those acts is cutting through me like a knife, but what's weighing me down about this is seeing the cuddling, affection, intimacy... he always claimed any of his hookups (he has a promiscuous past that he never wants to discuss) were completely non emotional and meaningless but that really just doesn't click with me right now. i don't know how to work this through right now. i told him what i saw and he apologized for the "oversight, wasn't trying to hide anything", but he is working everyday at a busy bar and so we really aren't going to have the time for a proper conversation for several days. we are meant to go on a romantic little getaway in a few days, and now i feel like i am no where near the kind of mental state that will be able to enjoy it- that i should just cancel the reservations. i can't keep letting this get bigger, i can feel myself slipping into destructive thinking about myself, and am having a hard time figuring out how i feel about my boyfriend in regard to all of this. i'm really, really torn feeling. please, if anyone has anything to say reflecting on the situation, i would appreciate it. it's all left me feeling very alone and vulnerable, and i'm not coping well. | feeling myself wanting to split after seeing videos of my bf having sex with an old hook up. need help coping. | 46lktr | i would encourage you not to internalize and allow this to impact how you feel about yourself. it is not unreasonable for this to bother you. i think it's important to focus on self-care right now. take a breath, step back. after you've calmed down a bit and gotten space, you can process what you want to do with this information. like pricklycoconut said, i don't think this is something i would be able to recover from personally. i think it would end my ability to trust and connect with my partner. in the end, though, only you can make that choice. | bpd | 46lktr |
patient info: female. 28. 5’7”. 160 lbs. diagnosed: adhd 2015. current meds/dosage: adderall ir 30mg 2x daily; multivitamin 1x daily; cbd oil as needed (non-thc) other: therapy 1x weekly for 6 months for postpartum anxiety; currently 9 months postpartum. at my therapist’s recommendation, i saw my doctor to receive medication for anxiety since cbt alone has not been effective. my doctor is aware that i take adderall & my dosage. when considering anxiety meds, he was initially leaning towards an ssri, but i’ve taken them before & they were ineffective. so he opted for an snri: effexor; 37.5mg 1x daily. i did myself a frighten by googling adderall & effexor. is the potential for serotonin syndrome really high? also, i read the withdrawal side effects of effexor are hell, which makes me nervous. i have a good relationship with my doctor. should i be concerned about the adderall & effexor combo? or am i just overreacting? would something else work better for my anxiety symptoms that i can take with the adderall? any advice is appreciated. disclaimer: i’m also a doctor’s wife, but i don’t talk to him about my routine medical care generally. please let me know if there are reactions i should be advising him to look out for in me taking both adderall & effexor. edit: format fix. mobile is hard. | adderrall for adhd & effexor for gad; is this a bad idea? | bhvqy7 | that's not a combination that gives me concern for serotonin syndrome. it's not all that unusual to take adderall with an ssri/snri. effexor discontinuation is more common and more unpleasant than many other antidepressant discontinuation syndromes; all the snris have that problem. it can be done, but slowly. at doses lower than 75 mg or so, effexor really isn't an snri, though. it's just an ssri. the norepinephrine reuptake inhibition only kicks in at higher doses. if it works, great; if it doesn't, it's not yet doing the thing you picked it for. | askdocs | bhvqy7 |
i have no skills and im not good at anything at all. it seems like everyone has something the love doing, something they are really good at or know a lot about something but i have nothing like that. i dont have anything i find fun and theres nothing i find interesting enough that i could actually pursue it in some way. i feel bored, depressed and lonely all the time and i feel like doing something i enjoy would help with that but theres nothing i enjoy anymore. | im not good at anything and theres nothing i enjoy. | 9bwjla | anhedonia is one of the most common symptoms associated with depression, but there's a self-fulfilling prophecy often attached to it. for example, if you believe in the thoughts, "i find nothing interesting" or "i'm not good at anything," you will find the evidence that supports those very beliefs. what's worse? you may even disregard evidence that provides otherwise. i'm not suggesting that this is easy or fun to do, but the change is a two-fold process. on the one hand, you must commit to engaging in new interests or hobbies (even when the motivation isn't there- because let's be real, it won't be). on the other hand, you must commit to holding onto some inkling of faith that it's possible to find something you enjoy or like. many people struggle with extremes: they assume if they don't *love* something, they hate it. aim for the middle ground and grind it out. | depression | 9bwjla |
long story short: i work in the service industry, clock out around 4am, go home and drink alone until the next morning when i wake up with a terrible hangover just to do it all again. it's been a rut that's turned into 10 years but, no matter how much i hate it, i just keep doing it. i live in a very alcohol heavy small town (hell, i'm a bartender); and when i get home, i just feel this combination of loneliness, coffee, and boredom- there's nothing to do but drink. i don't drink at work so there is some self control there but this weird mix of loneliness and miller lite is putting a hamper on my day to day happiness. there's a tipping point: that first beer i have with coworkers at closing leads to another and another and then i'm 12 deep; but i come from a polish-alcoholic family and i don't want my current trend digress. any tips on what to do? i can't escape alcohol cause it literally pays my bills but i feel trapped. | tips on quitting? | 8m08j7 | i stopped drinking by going to an aa meeting every day. i didn’t expect it to help but it did. many places have early morning meetings. there may be one in your town. | stopdrinking | 8m08j7 |
i posted this the other day and have yet to receive a response. i am a bit worried, as no doctor in my country can currently see patients and i cannot even get through by phone. would someone here be able to enlighten or advise me on these symptoms? over the course of a few days, i developed a head tremor (a side to side shaking, like a 'no' gesture), that by the third day was constant. though i can consciously suppress the shaking, it feels better not to do so. this is combined with a headache - it is not so much pain, but rather an uncomfortable pressure combined with numbness and an odd feeling like the sort of sensation you get before loosing consciousness, yet i do not feel dizzy. my energy and concentration are suffering, and i feel an almost constant need for sleep, despite having had plenty. oh, and i have been unconsciously tilting my head significantly to the right. p.s. i had a fever for a few days before onset, but it cleared up before the tremor began. i had since also noticed a swelling protruding below the front base of my right rib cage, which i assume (but could be wrong) is my liver, or possibly my gall-bladder. could this be an accidental overdose of a vitamin supplement or something like that? nothing i can find online about the onset of a head-tremor matches my other symptoms or otherwise lack thereof. and though at first i thought i was experiencing some kind of neurological event, all the symptoms lessened significantly after i ceased eating for a couple days, so i really have no idea... i suppose the lack of gi symptoms might rule out the cause being something i ingested though? i am 37 years old, caucasian, 5'10" in height, 180 lb, i do not smoke, i drink very rarely, i do not take drugs, my cholesterol and blood-pressure are fine, and i am not currently on any medication, though i do take vitamin and mineral supplements. i have mcas (mast cell activation syndrome), mild iron-deficiency anaemia, and mild alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency. p.s. i am not in any pain, and other than my head and the fatigue, i do not feel ill. | no doctors available, possible overdose symptoms or something else? | fmhc1z | although your symptoms do not sound familiar to me, i would recommend you see a physician. you need a physical exam, i can't give it through the internet. spend all day on the phone to get through if you have to. perhaps you can photograph the protrusion and film the tremor in the mean time? | askdocs | fmhc1z |
why do therapy patients return to their old tendencies when their sessions come to an end? my therapist said this was actually well-documented and i've only got one more session with him, and my depressive and comfort-eating tendencies have been returning... | why do therapy patients return to their old tendencies when their sessions come to an end? | 8x5czc | sometimes this is because people don’t want the relationship with their therapist to end; suddenly old symptoms crop up and, welp, i guess i *have* to keep seeing my therapist! it’s not usually a conscious thing, and that’s not to say old symptoms can’t come back for other reasons at the time of termination just coincidentally. but it’s a pretty common reaction to the end of a therapeutic relationship. | mentalhealth | 8x5czc |
my brother got really upset and took alot of my dads pills. he took at least a two month supply of a drug called lisonopril. we found him unconsciois and brought him to our local emergency room where they gave him fluid and started on some drugs called epinepherine and norepinephrine which helped for a little but his blood pressure keeps dropping lower. is there anything else i can suggest they try | my brother took alot of pills and the doctors cant keep his blood pressure up | 4ykjac | agree with other responders. he's in good hands. it's difficult when you feel out of control and want to do something, but sometimes nothing can be done. | askdocs | 4ykjac |
hello, i'm a 25 years old male. it's my first post on this sub. if im breaking any rules, sorry in advance. i'm not trying to be edgy, my only goal is to find the problem and fix it. 10 years ago, i tried to break-up with my ex gf and it resulted with her suicide attempt. at first, i felt terrible, prayed for her non-stop and stayed in the hospital until she recovered. however, as soon as she recovered(the moment she step outside of hospital), i lost all of my interest towards her and her suicide gave me a great sense of importance (exp: i'm so important for her, she rather die than living without me.) ever since then, i'm obsessed with being forgotten. a month ago, i ended a long-term relationship and had to do some cleaning on my phone and laptop(she and i had thousands of pics,vids together). although i was being exposed to our past memories, i've never felt a thing. she even tried to get back together but i refused because i'm way happier without her. however, i was looking for some notes for my up coming exam and i came across to her profile in one of our mutual study groups. she seemed to getting over me and that terribly upset me and it got me thinking, i have no positive or negative feeling towards her, but the idea of her getting over me is unbearable. then i remembered, even though i was in a very happy relationship with her, i always checked my ex gf's profiles to see if they're getting over me or not. i still have obsessive ex's that still text me and try to get in touch with me although im ignoring them for years, however when they stop trying to contact with me for a month or so, i feel awful, even tho their obsession with me makes my love life miserable and harder. i have no intention to be with them but whenever they hopelessly get in touch with me i get a sort of 'high' out of it.(really hard to explain, like a adrenaline rush. even makes me dizzy for a short period of time). i know it's not love but i can't find a reason why im obsessed with such thing. is there something wrong with me or it's a normal thing everyone experiences? sorry for the grammar errors and typo's. english is not my native language. | obsession with being forgotten | edn6z3 | most things are normal and it depends on the level of effect the thing is having on your life. if it’s distressing and impacting your life negatively then it’s probably something you want to go unpack with a therapist. there can be attachment needs that we are trying to get met and sometimes we go about it in a way that isn’t helping and is in fact causing more problems for us. so while you don’t seek the ex’s who get in touch you do get something out of it (feel good and feel important, get attention) and may reinforce their behaviour in some way because of the high you get. because totally! we feel good when we get attention, when we feel like we matter to people, and when we feel wanted. so even though the way you’re getting the need met isn’t the favourable one and is causing some distress, it does serve a purpose. do you feel that your wanting to be important to someone has influenced the type of girl/woman you’re or have been attracted to? are they ones that feed the need over the top/intense (where it was more obsessive as you said)? the intensity could feel really good to you as it’s sooo much feeling of love, want, need, and makes you feel even more that you matter to them. feeds the need yet the intensity is a warning sign they will be too attached which leads to difficulties and the end of the relationship. | askatherapist | edn6z3 |
age:20 sex:f race: mixed white and black duration of complaint: 2 weeks but getting worse been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. medications: not right now i've been trying to cut down my weed smoking to once or twice a day 5 days a week or less. also have been trying to stop juuling, i probably hit it about 10 times a day. not a drinker or any other drugs. ​ so for about 3 years of my life, up until december 2018, i have been on lamotrigne 400mg, latuda 90mg. then starting in january 2018 i started naltrexone 50mg, and trazodone. ​ i used to sleep from 9pm-8am the next day. more if i was particularly depressed. lately i haven't been able to fall asleep until about 3:30am. i would usually get up around 12. my job is in the evening so i don't start until 2 or so and work until 8. i usually take a sleep med like zzquil to fall asleep but last night i didn't. i was a little anxious from work and the jitters from the anxiety are still apparent and seems to be getting more noticeable. im fidgety, which is something i'm not usually. ​ i am not tired at all and i've taken 10mg of melatonin. ​ i feel like i drank 5 coffees a half hour ago. i ​ ​ | i feel completely awake and jittery even though i didn't sleep a minute in 29 hours | amizhk | if you're on lamotrigine, are you sure your diagnosis isn't bipolar disorder? you should contact your psychiatrist, because you might be having manic symptoms. lamotrigine won't help with mania; needs different mood-stabilizing medication, such as lithium. | askdocs | amizhk |
hello, i'm a 23 year old male who has gone through almost every med possible for insomnia and depression/anxiety (i've also been very good about sleep hygiene). i have two questions: 1)i'm currently taking elavil, and the doctor told me to take between 25-200mg. i've gotten up to 100mg and it's still pretty hit or miss. should i continue going up? for some reason i was under the impression that elavil was a type of med that was sedating at lower doses and more activating at higher doses, due to the norepinephrine. 2) i also got desperate and went down the more alternative medicine route. one of the supplements they gave me is gabatone (WEBLINK), which has 10mg lithium in it. i usually take 2 before bed, so 20mg total. i know both this and elavil can raise serotonin, but am i at risk for serotonin syndrome at such a low dose of lithium? thanks so much. | questions about elavil and lithium | 4zfw7g | 1. general principles is to titrate to maximum doses before switching as some people just happen to respond to higher doses. frustrating though. 2. the supplement is useless and wont have any effect. save your money and try other non-medical things like exercise or computerised cbt (www.moodgym.org) | askdocs | 4zfw7g |
i've had a history of being scared of death ranging from when i was younger and was scared of others dying to now being scared of what happens after death. it's normally thoughts once i try to go to sleep and sometimes i can get them out of my head but the mostly spiral out into deeper thoughts and make me cry myself to sleep. they range from "once i die where will i go?" to "everything will be black and it's just going to be endless black," i need help to have these thoughts go away. i've tried to be religious to beat my thoughts but i always go back to them. right now it's 1:15 am, i have school tomorrow, and i can't sleep because of them. if anyone can help that would be great. | i'm scared of what happens after death. | bl8efo | this is a scary thing for a lot of folks, especially for us atheists/agnostics. the reality of the situation is that no one objectively "knows" what happens when we die. some folks who are religious will say "they know" but in reality they don't. they believe a certain thing happens when we die and have faith in it. that's exactly what faith is, believing in something without having the possibility of actually knowing. everyone to some extent has some anxiety about death and the unknown that goes along with it. that's one of the major reasons why folks began inventing religions. one of their primary positive purposes is to relieve folks anxiety about the death of their loved ones and their own deaths. it's much harder for us folks who aren't people of faith. all i can tell you is that if there is an afterlife, you could come up with a million possibilities and it will still probably be different from anything you or anyone else has ever conceived. with that being the case, it's just a big waste of energy worrying about it. as another commenter said, if there's absolute nothingness and your consciousness fades away, you won't even be aware or upset what's happening. i live my life with the "belief" that the most likely scenario is a fade to black/nothingness sort of thing. in some ways, it's depressing and scary and in others motivational and freeing. all i have is this life. i can't put off doing the things i want to do. i'm going to always try my best not to waste too much time worrying about or obsessing about things i have no control over. i have a very limited amount of time in the grand scheme of things to do the things i want to do, do the things that make my life meaningful in the ways i've decided, and to change the world so that it's different and hopefully a little better than before i was here. | askatherapist | bl8efo |
i’m talking about where someone retreats to a younger age than they are, like trauma survivors might do. | is age regression a real thing in psychology or is it kind of a debunked theory? | f4e0we | regression is a commonly used term, and i see it most often in conceptualizations of people with borderline, though anyone can regress. regression is basically using a behavior that was appropriate or helpful during an earlier . such as an adult tantrum . to my knowledge, regression is not a theory, so there is nothing to be debunked. it is more psychoanalytic, but others see the behavior. freud listed it as a defense mechanism . | askatherapist | f4e0we |
sorry if this is long. here's the shortened version... my husband (31m) and i (31f) have been married almost 10 years. he works out of state and i live in another state with our kids. for the last 4 years (on and off), i've caught him talking to girls behind my back, some sexual in nature and some not, but i've never caught him in a physical relationship. the first couple of times i felt like something was going on and went through the phone bill to find that he had been talking to someone a lot. like all day and sometimes at night. i went through his phone to see it was a girl from work, but all the messages were deleted. second time, same story, except a girl who worked at a bar located where he was living at the time. no proof besides the phone bill. they'd talk at all hours of the day/night. call each other at like 7 am, he said they were just friends. i confronted the girl and she also said the same. then there was a time he was having very inappropriate conversations with a girl i knew. apparently this went on for months, while he was home and while he wasn't. she felt guilty after about 6 months and sent me some screen shots. said they just talked about doing things, but never actually met up. the next time i went through his phone and found texts between him and some girl from where he is now. he was driving 2 hours to see her, it was obvious he planned on having sex with her, but of course he says he didn't. most recently, he started sending inappropriate things to one of my friends and she told me. he basically told her he had talked to multiple girls and sent my friend pictures that the girls had sent him. i do realize that these are only the instances that i know about. i'm sure there are more. but after i confronted him this last time he says he realizes that he has a problem and it's not about me at all. says that i am a perfect wife, but he just can't seem to stop seeking attention from other women. he says he wants to seek counseling and seems very remorseful, as he has in the past, but i just don't think i can believe that he will change. to me, i don't care if he says it was physical or not, he's cheated multiple times. we have 3 kids and i stay home with them. i'm here taking care of the kids, the house, our business, basically everything. he is going out at night and doing who knows what, playing video games, and basically living the life of a bachelor. his only real responsibility there is to go to work, other than that he can do whatever. i also feel like i should add that i've never even considered cheating on him. i thought we had one of those relationships that made other people gag. i loved him so much. more than i ever thought possible. i thought he was perfect. i'm not sure why i've stayed this long. i think i just keep hoping he will change, even though my heart knows he won't. i don't really want our kids to go through this. also, the financial situation is stressful for me since i don't have any income. it's hard to just toss away 10 years and the connection/relationship we had. he's been my person for so long, he's who i call when i'm happy or when i'm mad. can people change? or will i just be in this same situation at some point in the future? could i ever trust him again? thanks for your advice. i just needed to talk about it but i'm not ready to go to my family/friends yet. tl;dr- husband cheated multiple times, says he will change, i don't think i can believe him. | i have a feeling i know what you'll all say... | 5pblh8 | odds are small he'd change, but marriage counseling would help you reach a final decision | relationship_advice | 5pblh8 |
my gf and i met freshman year of college; evolved out of a friendship from the first semester, then we started going out in the second semester. 19-year olds, didn't really know anything about life, it just started organically. we've been together for 5 years. the last 2 years have been long distance. now, we've both been through grad school (well, i'll be starting my second year - i took a gap year), and i feel incredibly different as a person. i'm on the up-and-up - in an artistic/creative profession - i feel like i'm *just* burgeoning and entering my creative prime (years 25-30 are incredibly important in my field), and likewise i'm actually figuring out things i want to actively seek out in life to grow myself. i've always been voraciously curious, and i have so many passions about what i want to learn and explore. gf just finished grad school, and she's about to enter her career. i need to go on to doctorate, for another 3-5 years, however. i have gradually come to the realization in being mindful of the present that i have no desire to settle in the foreseeable future. in my heart i no longer share the vision of comfort and homeniness that we used to believe in. i've realized over the last 1.5 years, those thoughts don't even enter my psyche. i don't want ot come home to someone who works a 9-5 job in a static life, while i need to spend the next 5 years exploring the fuck out of everything. i already feel stuck or stagnant. if i were to stay with my girlfriend, it would be long distance for the entire upcoming second year of my master's (which, from 1.5 years, is beginning to take its toll on both of us. i don't know what another 15 months would do). more of the details to how i'm feeling (it's been an 18 month, gradual realization): she's a wonderful, lovely person. she loves me as much as someone can possibly love someone - i'm actually aware enough to know she loves me more than i can even comprehend. i am like her entire world. but the problem is love is about giving not getting, and i have coem to believe i am disrespecting her devotion to me....because i do not feel so wholeheartedly devoted to her. i believe it's coming from an emptiness in myself. i should be giving everythign i have to her - but i am, in my serious gut, nagged by an incompleteness in my potential. i do not feel developed, comfortable with myself, capable of lovign myself at the moment. i believe, now, i am doing a disservice to her in this situation. i tried to bring this up to her in february after giving it a big think. i talked about wanting to explore more, how i wanted her to be a part of it because i love her and want to share life with someone i love, and feeling incomplete as an individual and how it's a disrespect to her that i feel drawn to feel needy to myself. it was devastating to her. she admitted she doesn't have my curiosity and can't keep up with it. my problem is that she also has no opinions on any intellectual topics, and right now i am living for great conversations. i want big ideas, criticism, opinions, diversity. i want to explore everything. but every conversation with her is like talking to a mirror. i don't want to be in that situation in 10 or even 5 years time with ehr on the couch watching tv (i don't even have a tv). i will feel soul-crushingly mediocre to myself. so i had brought all of this up to her. she was devastated and i couldn't handle it so we came out still together. but here i am again 3 months later with the same thoughts. if i bring it up again, either we're going to break up or it's never going to be the same. i need help on what direction to take. settling down and feeling loved are somehow no longer my concern. but why in my gut do i feel ready to just forsake such pure, idealistic love? that is a tragic thought to me. on the other hand, i am just voraciousyl curious about life, and i am missing bouncing experiences off of her - it is always me experiencing things with a silent mirror of myself - there's no sharing. i just want to share things with someone intellectually voracious. she's a lovely and complete person; i'm not. what i need to know is ..... is that a legitimate reason to forsake pure love? tl;dr we've shared so much in life, she loves me more than anything. i am receiving an idealistic, unconditional, beautiful love...but i am troubled by my inner fact that i can't give the same, because i feel unfulfilled with my vision of myself. i am on more of a personal up-and-up while she is settled as an individual and preparing to settle in lifestyle. over these 5 years (1.5 long distance), something in my gut does not want that. when she asks me if i will love her forever and if we'll be together forever...i sadly, crushingly, can't honestly admit 100% yes any more. that's a devastating thought to me. but do i forsake all of that for whatever nagging feeling i have? is that legitimate?? | [24/m] discovering my own emerging persona while losing sight of lt ld relationship (24/f) | 1eepfc | i don't have much advice, but i wanted to say that i am in a very similar situation with my boyfriend. we have been through so much and i love him, and care about him more than anything in the world. he is an amazing person and a devoted boyfriend. but for some reason, i just feel like something is missing. i have no idea what to do... i can't stand the thought of hurting him, and i am worried i will regret leaving him. shouldn't i be grateful for finding such a great guy? | relationship_advice | 1eepfc |
my friend and her bf (24 each) have had a strained relationship since the beginning. every few months something happens to make them have a fight and question everything. when they first started dating, my friend was super confident and trusting, had no major insecurities or trust issues. now she's developing a lot of issues over time, and getting trust issues. she and he keep saying she's paranoid, but he always does shady shit. they had a huge fight last weekend and my friend was going to break up with him, but when she went to talk to him they ended up talking for hours and my friend told me that it was all her fault. that she's causing all the problems in her relationship. this is app emotional abuse, not physical. i want to emphasize that. but he manipulates her. everything is her fault. ive seen the texts he's sent and he will do things he knows upsets her and then blame her for getting upset. he lectures her about how she needs to be more open and communicate, but then lies to her. whenever he knows she's getting upset, he deletes all his messages online and on his phone. he talks to her like she's stupid and always brings up how he's going through difficult times so she's being selfish. and she believes it all. she'll go into situations with him so sure and strong and then walk away saying she messed up and she's so crazy, she's sorry he had to deal with her. she's become a completely different person. i really think this relationship is emotionally abusive. should i tell her? how should i do it? i'm trying to be supportive, but i'm so upset that it's all her fault again and she's the bad guy and he's the victim. again. every time. | should i tell my friend her relationship is abusive? | 5s1gij | ps abuse is a serious act and a serious word. if you have specific examples, then one can comment appropriately. but if you have none, you should be careful using the word, despite your desire to be careful and helpful | relationship_advice | 5s1gij |
i can't maintain interest in anything, i first become obsessed with something e.g. cycling do it nearly everyday and have big aspirations for it and then my interest dwindles and i lack interest and then i feel confused and empty. this is just one example of many. i don't really know what my values are and they change all the time. my personality and how i act changes with people, if i want to impress them or get them to like me or if i don't care the whole bpd crazy personna comes out because i don't care about them enough to conceal it. my sexuality changes all the time, i don't know what it is anymore, it goes from bisexual, to lesbian to straight to asexual and everything in between. my aspirations change all the time and what i want to do with my life, now i have none. i don't have a sense of self, i really don't know who i am because everything changes so much and it's not this whole stupid thing of no one knows who they really are, because i really don't know! now i'm just lost and apathetic and gave up on life and i'm screwing up my life by doing nothing,just lie in bed or watch youtube instead of doing uni work. | identity disturbance | k204om | to much pressure to define and not enough to be | bpd | k204om |
hey, this is gonna sound really crazy but there's this girl that i liked who left early on the last day of school cause she didn't wanna see me. so i thought "hey, she probably don't like me. imma move on. so i moved on and 2 weeks later she messaged my psn sayin if i wanted to go to her camshow and it was free but the thing is you needed a credit card and not only that but she using a false identity. so i said na f that i'm not gonna trust it. a few days later she messages me through kik askin the same thing... i was actually gonna do it this time but i couldn't. so then two more weeks past and i open up my email and theirs more than 20 emails a day asking the same thing. and all these damn sites have a paywall. so i'm like f that. i ain't gonna trust this crap. than i look at her tumblr and she said she can't do this anymore. and i'm like what the hell did i do wrong? she came through with a false identity sending me random links to porn sites. and i keep on wondering what the hell did i do wrong? | this is gonna sound really crazy | 6nmiis | you did nothing wrong. she's confused within herself. | relationship_advice | 6nmiis |
i've been dealing with a terrible fear for several months that has gotten worse and worse to the point of getting dizzy and having (unrelated to my fear) visual hallucinations after finally getting to be alone. i have awful social anxiety, but my main fear while i am in public is that i'm passing gas or have pooped my pants without knowing or will any moment. my stomach does get upset when i'm anxious often, but i've never actually pooped my pants...there's just always this fear i have until going to the restroom to check or will any moment. and, even though i've never heard or smelled anything, i still just have this fear when my anxiety is at an all-time high when in public. i know this sounds funny, but it truly isn't to live through. when i finally am alone, i automatically feel better unless i had to be in public for a few hours, then the dizziness and hallucinations start- because i'm so mentally and physically tired from the extreme worry and fear. i'm too embarrassed to tell this specific fear to my counselor, so i'm braving it here on reddit. it's just awful, especially trying to go to the pool or wear white pants or dresses. these fears are all i can think about when i'm in public even though no one has ever mentioned me doing any of these things, and i have very good friends who invite me to things they never would if i truly were passing gas all the time... my anxiety just gets so bad that i get paranoid and think everyone is looking at me in a menacing manner..and my brain decides it's because i must be doing or about to be doing one of the most embarrassing things a girl can do- poop her pants or be passing gas in public. anyway, has anyone else had this fear? i tried searching google and didn't find anything. tl;dr: my panic gets so bad i irrationally fear i have or will poop my pants or pass gas in public even though this has never previously happened. any advice? | fear of passing gas or pooping my pants :/ | 1fumjm | my advice would be to bring it up with your counselor. as a counselor myself, i can tell you that we hear things like this daily, and it probably would phase your counselor much much less than you would imagine. that way you can begin to actively work through that fear | anxiety | 1fumjm |
i'm gonna preface this by saying my husband is most definitely a hypochondriac. 29yr old male, complaining of chest pain. started complaining sunday evening after we had taken the boat out. he said himself it was probably indigestion or a pulled muscle. he took a tums and i didn't hear about it again until today, wednesday morning. he told me his chest hurt and i said well it's probably a pulled muscle then. especially from the way he pulls on the motor (he does it while twisted, he doesn't turn himself to face the motor) i told him he should try some ibuprofen just to see if it helps. he refuses and says he feels like his veins are clogged. is that even possible? he also refuses to see a doctor about it which to me just seems like he wants my sympathy and doesn't think he's actually in any real danger. he also says since getting out of bed and moving around (all he's done is go poop and lay back down on the couch..) that it doesn't hurt anymore, it only hurts when he's been sleeping. should i actually be concerned or am i right that this is probably attention seeking behavior? | can a person feel if their veins are clogged? | 6pp4r7 | purely going on hour reports, then no you dont feel your veins being clogged. nevertheless he sounds like he is trying to convey distress to you in this fashion. | askdocs | 6pp4r7 |
i'm wrapping up my sophomore year and after striking out through all of high school really, i've translated to striking out in college. i go to a small, academically strong school, so everyone is really driven and busy. i'm not big into the whole hookup culture that seems to run the school, mostly because i never really learned how to navigate it well before getting here, and that makes it a lot harder to meet people. i don't have really any prior relationship experience to go off of, so any advice? | i'm single [19/m], through 2 years of college, and still clueless | 67lji3 | meet people socially in activities and go slow | relationship_advice | 67lji3 |
has anyone else had a traumatic experience with this or a similar experience ? i have a painful experience having this done unexpectedly on me as a teenager (~15) when this was done supposedly to confirm my pcos diagnosis. apparently my mother consented but no one ever explained anything to me about what was going to happen. my mother left the room and this person started shoving this huge thing inside of me. i was also a virgin when it was done and no one told me what was happening, i just had this thing shoved inside me. i was crying and the doctor wouldn't stop. it really hurt since i was a virgin. it felt like rape since i didn't consent in any way (apparently my mother consented for me). and i felt disgusting. i'm having severe flashbacks now and it is affecting my relationships. the only thing that made this easier to discuss was when women were protesting the requirement for transvaginal ultrasounds on women who wanted abortion saying that it was literally forced on them against their consent and rapey. i just wish my mother had not done this to me. apologies if this is off topic but i don't know where to begin talking about this. i'm afraid to bring it up. *edited to add*: thanks for the support on here! i appreciate being able to open up about this, it is a sensitive topic for me and it's hard to explain to most people. i hope this was not triggering to anyone. | trauma from transvaginal ultrasound as teenager | 4z7rpj | therapist here. someone put a foreign object in your body without your consent. that is sexual assault. in addition it hurt and you obviously showed your distress but they did not stop. this is something therapy or even a sexual assault support group can help you process. having flashbacks upon a triggering situation and avoiding triggering stimuli suggests you may have ptsd, which is common in sexual assault survivors. it seems like you obviously *feel* like something horrible and scarring happened but your situation doesn't fit the narrative society expects. intellectually you're doubting if it's okay for you to feel the way you do. i want to let you know you are allowed to feel however you feel. heck i had a very difficult to extract wisdom tooth removed when my insurance did not allow sedation for the procedure, only local anesthetic. i have a dental work phobia and i was *so* scared but knew i had to just sit there and allow him to do it. i had flashbacks for weeks after and still feel icky about the whole thing. you are allowed to feel violated because you were. it was in a medical context and there was legal consent from you mom, but what happened to you is not okay. if you'd like any help finding individual or group therapy feel free to pm me. there are tons of places with sliding scale therapy if money is tight. my training center did therapy for $20 a session for those in financial need. recommended resources: rainn: WEBLINK 800.656.4673 specifically for sexual assault you can go to the online chat or call the hotline at any time just to talk to someone or get referrals to local resources. 211: you can call or google this number and it will automatically put you through to your local counties social resources. | pcos | 4z7rpj |
i rememer my childhood like a nightmare, verbally, mentally phisically and sexually abused by my own brother. family always covered him and demanded me to be the good understanding girl. when i was 18 i moved to another city for the college and my life improved significantly. i'm 30 now, have been into therapy for the last 5 years, i'm living happily with my partner since 7years and we are willing to get married. we decided to merry in las vegas(the other side of the world), during our wedding trip. to not get into boring details, i'm experiencing hard time to get my family over this "outrage". i'm being the bad guy who doesn't want share happy life moments with her family, and my mother depicts me as a cynical monster and my brother threatened me. i know i have the right to yearn for the wedding i want, i know all the manipolative passive/aggression they are doing. nonetheless, i can't help feeling awfully deeply scared and hurted. | abused when i was a child, have troubles with my wedding now. | 1w4wz5 | you might want to check out /r/raisedbynarcissists/ sounds like it might fit. | rapecounseling | 1w4wz5 |
i'm unable to approach girls in bars or nightclubs. every weekend i go out and i see other guys dancing and talking to girls while i'm just standing around unable to start any sort of interaction with any girls. **what is your goal?** my goal is to be able to approach any girl i want to meet in a nightclub. **how long have you had this goal?** i started going to nightclubs when i turned 21 back in october 2013. i have been actively trying to achieve this goal since then. **what have you already tried to achieve this goal?** \- i have tried losing my ego/power of now/echart tolle stuff \- i tried not watching porn or masturbating aka nofap \- i tried hypnosis with 3 different people \- i tried a therapy called tre where you shake your body and its supposed to remove anxiety \- i traveled to another country to try this weird therapy where they hooked me up to a lie detector test and asked me a bunch of questions about my past. \- i tried daily meditation \- i tried daily cold showers \- i tried going to nightclubs for 30 days in a row \- i tried going to nightclubs for 60 days in a row \- i tried increasing my already above average testosterone levels to extreme levels \- i tried beta blockers and propapronolol \- i tried getting completely drunk \- i tried phenibut \- i tried toastmasters \- i tried dopamine brain food \- i have paid for coaching from douzens of people over the years who claimed they could help me \- i tried these programs where you incrementally increase the difficulty so for example you start by asking a man for the time, then asking a woman for the time, then asking a woman you find attractive for the time, then asking a girl for directions, then asking for directions and telling the girl she has a nice outfit,etc...all the way until approaching **are you able to approach girls during the day?** i can talk to girls at work or girls i encounter during my day to day life. but am i able to walk up to a random girl during the day and hit on her? no i cannot do that. **are you physically attractive?** yes im tall and above average looking. if could just talk to the girls in nightclubs who show clear/blatant interest in me then i would not be posting this. **are you a virgin?** no i have slept with a few girls who approached me in nightclubs and have slept with a few other girls i met during the day. **why nightclubs specifically?** i 'm now in my late 20s and i will never get these party years back. i have a limited amount of time left to really experience the nightlife and have fun crazy adventures that are only possible in this environment, i can meet girls during the day or online even when im 50 years old but the nightlife is a period of time that is limited and i want to experience this fully while im still young enough. | mission impossible: i've been unable to approach girls in nightclubs for 7 years (willing to pay $10 000 for help) | f8s5jp | you might try someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, i notice multiple cognitive distortions in your narrative | askatherapist | f8s5jp |
i’ve had sleeping problems for as long as i can remember (maybe starting in high school or middle school). or i guess really... staying awake problems. i sleep at least 8-9 hours a night, but despite that i cannot stay awake during the day. examples: i sleep through class, in class, through the end of class, at work, in my car after work, in the parking lot before work, while stopped at red lights, while watching tv, ... etc. basically if i sit down too long without something to do actively then i am out. i have alarms set throughout the day for when i inevitably fall asleep during a break. i have called triple a three times in the last month to jump start my car bc i fell asleep in the deck with my headlights on. i am notorious at school and work for being sleepy. etc. i’ve had teachers, friends, and my fiancé all tell me it’s not normal. i recently had a very embarrassing “sleep episode” that made me acknowledge the weird/ negative impact this issue has had on my life, so i decided to go to the doctor about it (something i hate doing.) i’m 24f and besides some depression/ anxiety issues (currently well managed), i have no other known issues. i went to do a sleep study and mslt... optimistic that the doctor would be able to tell me something so i could stop wasting so much of my life sleeping and get my life together. my doctor said, based on his analysis of my symptoms before the tests, he was convinced i would have narcolepsy (vivid dreams, sleep paralysis, hallucinations when tired) despite my lack of cataplexy. i went through the study and now i feel like i’m more confused (and concerned?) than i was before. idiopathic hypersomnia. that’s the diagnosis? i’m frustrated bc i feel like... idk tell me something i don’t know? during my mslt it took me an average of less than 4 minutes to fall asleep but i lacked the premature onset of rem sleep in most of the trials (with the exception of one) for a narcolepsy diagnosis). i guess here are my questions... is this a diagnosis even? or just a “idk what to tell you” from my doctor? can this be indicative of other problems? my doctor said that sometimes when they redo the test, patients exhibit different symptoms and get the narcolepsy diagnosis? why would it be different next time? i’m frustrated and weirdly disappointed with this answer. someone please give me direction, clarity, or anything! i’m so lost and confused. edit: i am taking a strong dose of adderall at the moment, which seems to help with the symptoms. | disappointed with a diagnosis | e83z1g | idiopathic hypersomnia is a real diagnosis, although a rare one. critically, it also excludes lots of things from the differential diagnosis. instead of going down dead ends in treatment, your doctor can focus on what's likely to help you. ih might be an unsatisfying diagnosis because it is poorly understood and not well characterized like sleep apneas, narcolepsy or some other sleep disorders. because it's rare, there aren't a lot of studies on it. there are medications that can be helpful, and many are repurposed medications for narcolepsy, but the details are beyond my expertise. you at least have the seed of a treatment plan, though. ih doesn't mean your doctor has shrugged and given up! | askdocs | e83z1g |
basically what the title says. she thinks that it can be cured through physical activity and exercise, which i won't deny, but it's too hard, given my memories of being bullied in sports. she warned me of side effects, and that it might change my behaviour. she said that there are some side effects of medication which i should expect. she also mentioned that one of her earlier patients couldn't function without medication. if he didn't have his medication around he'd feel anxious. what was your experience with meds? | therapist warning me against medications | 9yhr54 | exercise is great, and really helps, but medication can help too. i’ve found medication to be helpful. sometime these illnesses have to be treated that way because certain interventions can only do so much. i’ve taken meds for years and they’ve really helped. just make sure you consult with a psychiatrist and find something that works for you. educate yourself about medication so you have a good understanding of it. | depression | 9yhr54 |
i urgently am seeking a therapist. my anxiety can be controlled by countering intrusive thoughts but it's so hard to constantly battle with them. they started a week ago due to relationship issues and fearing a loss, mixed with feeling not worthy and missing my deceased mother. do i need a cbt? or should i get better at mindfulness meditation? | [help] what kind of therapy works best for a anxiety due to intrusive thoughts, that come about due to lost family members and relationship troubles? mindfulness meditation seems to work | 2nyg5u | cbt is good with anxiety in general, as well as intrusive thoughts. brief-dynamic therapy can be useful with anxiety and distress from relationships and maladaptive relational patterns. | anxiety | 2nyg5u |
does anyone use cbd oil to manage pcos pain? would you recommend it? | cbd oil and pcos | 6rtg3u | i've definitely considered it but haven't taken the plunge. | pcos | 6rtg3u |
sixteen-year-old female, 5'2, 120lbs, caucasian in u.s. she has pcos, hypopituitarism, auto immune psoriasis. she takes metformin 500, synthroid 50 mcg, birth control pills were added recently to replace hormones she is not producing. last week i took her to a doctor for a recurrent rash on her lips and around her mouth, and swollen lips. she has been getting this on and off for her entire life but it has gotten worse over the years. the doctor decided it was cold sores and prescribed acyclovir. after a week of treatment there was no improvement. we returned to the doctor. he prescribed the acyclovir again. within 24 hours she was having black diarrhea. she feels nauseated, dizzy, weak, and cold. her cheeks became hot and red last night and she ran a low grade fever for a few hours. she is no longer taking the medication! i called the er to ask if this is a medical emergency. they wouldn't tell me much due to policy so the person i spoke to basically answered my questions in riddle form. from the vague riddle like response i ascertained that it was not an emergency and that i should call the doctor that prescribed the meds. i called the prescribing doctor's office and they only told me that they won't tell me anything and that the er is our only option. so now i don't know what to do. if we go to the er we will be in the waiting room for a minimum of 3 hours and this may not be serious. i would have to wait until my husband comes home from work this evening to go anyway because i have a toddler and a baby. i will be worrying in the meantime. i may call a pharmacist since they seem to be the only people willing to give accurate, rational, medical advice over a phone. i really need a straight answer. | need advice! our medical providers won't help. reaction to acyclovir | 531y3y | if it's a chronic condition, has it previously been put down to cold sores and managed with acyclovir? | askdocs | 531y3y |
if you were to meet someone new (work, school, family in law gatherings, etc, etc) what would you talk about? sometimes its good to talk with people even if you dont feel like it, however how do you spark a conversation with someone new? what do you talk about with them? | what do two strangers talk about? | eq2j7b | my go-to is asking something about themselves. their hobbies, interests, experience, whatever. most people like talking about things they're actually interested in if they're not interested in small talk. in professional networking type settings i ask things from the perspective of trying to learn more about a topic or field from their experience. | advice | eq2j7b |
alright, my best friend of 9 years just says things to me that makes me feel dumb. i’m not saying that i can’t be picked on i love roasting my friends and they can roast me too. but i don’t know, this past weekend just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. to sum it up, i was singing a song to my so and my so thought i made it up. i didn’t make it up, but my friend said “hahah how talented do you think she is?!” there’s been other scenarios similar to this one. am i just being too sensitive? or is that kind of fucked up to say to someone?... also background to this specific friend, they are extremely sensitive... i myself, would never say that to them. | am i too sensitive? | ale6s1 | that’s fucked up to say. i would talk to them about it and let them know you would never talk to them in that manner because you respect them too much and you deserve that same level of respect! wow. i’d be really hurt too. | offmychest | ale6s1 |
my daughter is currently 7yrs old, epileptic ("generalized", idiopathic), add/adhd, pdd, 15q26.1 microdeletion (not inherited). she's still illiterate, has issues getting to the bathroom (has a lot of "accidents") and lacks some finesse in her fine & gross motor skills. she's also slightly bow-legged. she's been seizure-free for over two years. when seizures initially presented, she was prescribed topamax but it made her so dizzy she was unable to walk straight. she switched to a very low dose of valproic acid (maxed at 4ml 2/day). no other regular meds. about six months ago, her neurologist felt safe in discontinuing her valproic acid. even though it was what the doc considered an extremely low dose, we noticed a huge change in our daughter's behavior. she just seems more "present" and aware of her surroundings. a few times she's had mood swings (sadness and crying) seemingly out of nowhere but all other aspects have been positive. her pdd-related delays notwithstanding, she's made major strides in language, communication, following directions, etc; it's as if she previously wasn't aware of what was going on around her. when she was 2-3yrs old, we always marveled at what a happy-go-lucky child she was, never crying or throwing tantrums. without the medication, she seems like she's much more like what we expected from that history. so, what gives? valproic acid is also used for bi-polar so i can only assume there may have been a mood stabilizing effect of some sort but is there any explanation for the other communication-/social-related behavioral changes? | 7f behavior changes after discontinuing valproic acid for epilepsy | f9xlg9 | valproic acid can be seen as applying the break to all neurons (with the goal of preventing too much activity, although i must admit the exact mechanisms aren't fully understood). this is a rather course approach that will always have effects on many parts of functioning. my hypothesis in this case would be that your doughter had her senses dulled (perhaps slightly) and this dullness has lifted after discontinuing the drugs. i think it's good that you are trying to understand. being a parent of a child with a less common set of challenges often requires the parents to be very active when finding the right care in my experience. edit: by saying it's a course approach, i don't mean to imply the decisions was taken lightly or wrongly, just that the medication doesn't specifically target the cause. unfortunately it's often not possible to treat the specific cause. | askdocs | f9xlg9 |
hey all. so, i feel like i used to be a really confident person. did decently in school and college where i studied it. i went on to manage a service shop, and then moved to corporate helpdesk. shortly after i moved to sys admin, and that's where i was for the last 4.5 years. i didnt really enjoy the sys admin stuff if i'm being honest with myself. i was let go recently (probably partially due to my growing unhappiness and anxiety about going to work) and fairly quickly took another sys admin role. i'm only a few days in but i'm questioning myself as to why i took this job - but it's too late. if i leave i cannot get unemployment benefits. how do you guys deal with realizing you're stuck doing things you don't want to do to get by? i feel like i'm stuck in this horrible cycle with nowhere to go for the rest of my life. | anxiety about 'working jobs i don't like for the rest of my life' | ald1vp | it's really important to have long term goals set for yourself, especially in regards to job/career. even if it doesn't always work out exactly as planned it can be incredibly helpful to have a 5 year plan, 10 year plan, and 15 year plan. for most people (those of us not born into wealth), if you're ever going to be successful and land in a job that both pays well and you enjoy, you'll likely have to spend years busting your ass at jobs you don't like in order to get there. having an end goal in mind or a "purpose" to suffering through some shit helps to maintain focus and motivation. you'll need this if you're ever going to get to the spot you want to be because having holes in your resume, having been fired, or even moving around too much between jobs can likely be a huge setback. many of the people i see stuck in the depressing cycle of working a job they hate with no end in sight are folks who don't have any clear picture of what they really want to be doing instead and/or aren't willing to make sacrifices to get there. lastly, while going through all of this, as others have said, self-care is of the utmost importance. you have to make sure you do whatever you need to so that you don't lose your mind and burn out while working the shitty jobs to get to the job you really want. | anxiety | ald1vp |
people everywhere who are dying of horrible diseases like cancer, who want so badly with every fibre of their being to live just one more day. personally when i wake up tomorrow morning i'll just be disappointed i didn't die in my sleep. the universe is a fucked up, backwards, paradoxical place, i won't miss it when i go. | it's too bad we can't trade places with someone who actually wants to live but is dying... | b4f8qs | you can help others in other ways than trading places. | suicidewatch | b4f8qs |
i had my first session with a therapist and i found her cold and impersonal. the problem is that i can´t just switch therapists as i can´t pay out of my own pocket and the public facility i´m in doesn´t allow patients to switch therapists. i´ve seen other therapists before and i expect a therapist to be warm and kind, like welcoming me when i enter the room, asking something like "did your trip here go well?" or similar. this therapist didn´t do any of this. also, at the end she watched the clock very thoroughly and had me leave at the exact minute where the session was to end. i know this is probably part of her theoretical approach, she has a psychoanalytical training. i see her for psychotherapy and not analysis but still. i don´t want to ask her to be more warm and personal towards me, that will only feel fake and non authentic and at the same time i think i won´t be able to work with a strict and impersonal therapist. any advice on this? | how to handle a therapist being cold and impersonal? | bldml2 | psychoanalytical therapists can feel distant at first because they want to stimulate association by letting the patient to much of the talking. they sometimes do not structure the therapy the same way a cbt therapist might. also they may not give that much feedback. | askatherapist | bldml2 |
i’ll try to be brief but i’ve been battling depression & anxiety for about 5ish years now having high & lows. right now i’m in a seriously low, in the past 2 years my bf left me (thought i was gonna marry this guy), my stepfather passed, one of my good friends passed, & i’m losing one of my dearest friends to a controlling gf, and i have a college degree, but can’t get a job. had hip surgery, and currently trying to lose the post surgery weight. i’m so sad and i feel so alone, i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i feel like none of my friends care (except 1 or 2) and everyone is leaving me behind, and i feel like if anything ever happened to me nobody but my parents would care. everyday is starting to feel so monotonous, & i’m just so tired of forcing myself out of bed everyday. i am so incredibly tired of fighting.......i just had to get that out and didnt wanna drag any of my friends down | i’m so tired..... | 8tvo7n | without disqualifying your pain, here’s a challenging exercise: write another post that mirrors this one - one that shows the reverse angle. highlight what you *do* have (for example, your friends). thinking very hard, where are the glimmers of light in your life which elicit your gratitude and hope? | depression_help | 8tvo7n |
i don't know what to do in my situation. i don't know if i have the right to be upset or not. so. long story short. my boyfriend and i are both 29. we've been together for 1,5 year, living for 1 year. early in the relationship we talked about marriage and both said it was important to them. last week it came up again, but in a mor serious matter. i told my boyfriend that i was sure he was the one and i would say yes if he proposed. he replied by saying that he is sure he want to marry me, but he is not sure the timing is right and that he need to figure out what marriage means to him. he also said he needs to talk it over with his best friend. his relationship with his best friend is also a bit strange. he also cares too much about what the bff will think of his actions. i find the whole thing very confusing and contradicting. he says he wants to marry me, but he needs to talk it over with his bff about the timing? please help. i am quite hurt, because he keeps saying that 1,5 is not long at all and that he needs to talk to his bff, but the bff does not know me (he lives in a different country) so it feels like he is seeking approval. any thoughts advice? | really need advice about marriage. please read! | 6ruea9 | after a year one should know if you want to be married. this is ridiculous...he and his bff | relationship_advice | 6ruea9 |
i went home, showered and went to work. in court this was used against me. it’s always bothered me. it’s as if by just trying to forget about it and get on with my life it didn’t happen. i can’t be the only one that reacted by just trying to get on with it. | what did you do after you were raped? | eh5rlh | first time (not penetrated but still violated)? washed off my hand, "slept" next to him, trying to forget. second time? attempted to sleep, got denny's the next morning with him and his girlfriend. he wouldn't pay for his girlfriend but did for me. how "sweet." | rape | eh5rlh |
every time i get used to a "pattern" in the random panic attacks they throw me for another loop. they don't seem to be set off by anything in particular. i'll be pretty sure that something is actually wrong, and once the panic tapers off i'll realize that its this again. did you get panic attacks completely randomly at this point? it also kinda seems like those that get panic attacks go through this process a bit differently than those that don't seem to get them. i don't seem to "crave" at all, i dream about drinking a lot though. i'm wondering if i'm "craving" without the thoughts of drinking when these panic attacks happen. getting rambly, more so than anything i just need to be able to come back during the inevitable next attack and see that this is what you guys felt too. | forty days give or take. panic attacks seem like they follow a pattern and then stop following patterns. your experience with them? | 43pxeu | looks like you and i are the same. new to sobriety and trying to manage my panic attacks. they are reoccurring and i'm frequently convinced that something else is the problem until the panic subsides. it's hard to track them but i'm doing my best to live a life outside of fear of the next one or what other little thing may be the next big problem in my life. about to go off paxil after a short stint on that. working on vitamins, meditation, healthy foods etc. i do have ativan as a safety net for if i do have one i can't control. be carful as benzos are very addictive. other than that- i do better focusing on my health and then focusing on thinking outward rather than in. | stopdrinking | 43pxeu |
sorry for the vague title, but i'm wondering if anyone could weigh in here to help me feel at ease. i've started regularly seeing this guy who i'm really starting to fall for. there are tons of things about him that i like and its been a long time since i've felt this way for anyone. here's what i feel good about: -he's more of a man than other guys i've dated, ie more mature he wants me but doesn't need me -logical, so he balances me out -genuinely good person -smart -organized -respectful towards me and others -self aware -opinionated -levelheaded -practical -awesome sex -hot body -shares a lot of my values -not afraid to follow his gut -takes calculated risks -takes the lead -i can be myself around him -caring -depth and passion under the surface things i'm worried about: -conversation might run dry -overlapping but somewhat different senses of humor i am sexy and he loves my art and music, so i'm not worried that he's not attracted to me. right now he's very into me. i'm just convinced deep down that we'll run out of things to say to each other and he'll get bored of me. also, i'm by no means a push over, but i am extremely easy going. its not because i have no back bone, but because i can easily see different sides of things. i'm scared he'll want someone sassier and feistier than me and that i won't be enough of a "challenge" to keep his interest. this is the first guy who's come along who i've felt this insecure about (besides high school infatuations a long time ago). am i being pathetic? how do i stop worrying? is the sense of humor thing a problem? also, we talk a lot in person but he doesn't really text me. does that mean something? i feel insane right now, its kind of out of character for me to feel like this. | [22/f] i'm seeing someone [22/m] who i really like but i can't stop worrying | 5qe5cl | first of all, i have assumed that the two of you have defined what this relationship is. i'll go further and assume that you are defining it as a serious committed monogamous relationship. i'm not sure why you think the conversation might run dry. there's always something to talk about especially for people in love. and you sound like a pretty together person so i somehow don't think that conversation is going to run dry anytime soon. i wouldn't worry about different senses of humor because in the big picture that's not a super important kind of thing that every couple has to share exactly. i think you're just anxious because you really like this guy, perhaps more than anyone you've ever met, so when that happens we're more afraid of losing the person, thus we worry more. i would just try to relax with it and enjoy it and just be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, don't worry about sassy or feisty or anything like that. people either love us for for us or they don't. we have no control over that because because all we can do is be ourselves. | relationship_advice | 5qe5cl |
hi everyone, xanax has recently been giving me intensified feelings of anxiety instead of helping to combat them the way it used to. has anyone else experienced the same? in june of 2012, i was given a prescription for 0.25 mg xanax to be taken as needed for anxiety. i usually started by taking half of one, then would increase to one full tablet if i felt that i needed to. i'd max out at 2 tablets (0.5mg total). this was almost always at night after work. i hated taking them during the day. it was very helpful and i was careful with how i took them, though there were times where i'd probably take them almost every day for about a week, and then slowly taper off just to make sure i didn't develop a hardcore dependency on them. last month, after not taking xanax for about 6 weeks, i felt that i needed to take it again. my anxiety was bad enough that i took 0.25 mg right away. nothing happened. an hour and a half later, i took another 0.25mg. i felt very slight relief from the anxiety, so i was eventually able to fall asleep. but then the weirdest thing happened: i slept horribly. i tossed, i turned, i woke up several times and also just felt a terrible sense of anxiety upon waking (even worse than before i took the xanax). i was a nervous wreck. i thought that maybe my anxiety was just that bad, and simply dealt with what i was feeling (at great suffering and with many tears/lots of shaking and clenching of teeth). but then the next time i took xanax after that, the same thing happened, so i'm convinced that my body is reacting poorly to the xanax now. these days, i might as well just take xanax if i want to make myself feel worse. i'm not sure how to approach this, as i have to find a doctor closer to where i live and approaching a new doctor with the remark of "xanax isn't working anymore, is there anything else you can give me?" isn't my idea of a very smart course of action. this is especially true because i recently stopped being able to afford therapy due to financial issues, and i don't want to regularly be on antidepressants. any feedback from fellow xanax users? :( **tl;dr:** xanax is making me a nervous wreck when it really used to help a lot. has this happened to anyone else? | my xanax has turned on me.. has this happened to anyone else? | 1hy65l | unfortunately, that tends to happen with xanax and other benzodiazepines. they work great, but were specifically designed for short term use only. | anxiety | 1hy65l |
sorry for the long post. i don't usually post on reddit but would really like a community's view on this matter. my bf who is 26 has a tendency to steal things. he's been constantly doing it his whole life and i don't see him stopping anytime soon. three reasons for his actions. 1. he plays robin hood ie. stealing from the rich or the boss he hates and then giving things to his friends and me for our enjoyment. 2. steals for personal gain; ie. things he needs but doesn't want to pay for and 3. simply because he can and the chances of being caught are slim. i personally don't think any of these reasons justifies why he should steal. the only time he has put a pause on his crimes was when he got fired from his job for stealing. not only did he rob the business of a huge amount of money, but it embarrassed his family as well as myself. i thought seeing his mother cry would put an end to his habit of stealing but it didn't... he picked up stealing again a few months after. i'm sure he felt bad for making us all upset but maybe not about what he stole. how i feel about this is... i think his prolonged habit of stealing is going to turn him into something i'll hate. i believe thieves like him are prone to be liars and they are sociopaths. his actions are not directly harming me but i am someone who has a strong moral belief that stealing is wrong. i would ask him if he stole something and he would reply with 'i paid for half of it' when i know damn well he didn't pay for any of it. other than 'sugar coating' it when i ask, he is usually quite open about what he does. he'd tell his friends about what he took and they'll laugh and think it's cool but that's because they don't have to deal with him as a partner. i've already expressed to him that i don't agree with this behavior but he doesn't treat me seriously. tl;dr. how would you deal with your so who constantly steals and it is bothering you? edit: typo | my bf [26] can't stop stealing. what should i do? | 5r27fr | do you rally want to be in a rel. with a psychopath? | relationship_advice | 5r27fr |
my boyfriend and i are both early twenties, and dating for about three months. i use facebook regularly, and he has one but uses it sparingly. he refuses to add me as a friend, because he says it's so old, that if he added me out of the blue it would look weird. i've told him this hurts my feelings, but he claims he isn't hiding anything, and just doesn't want to add me because his facebook is a snapshot of his college career several years ago. i'm only bothered because i know his ex is his friend. really irks me knowing she can be his fb friend, but i cannot. and i know he uses it sometimes, as i've seen a couple posts on other people's walls from him. is he wrong to deny me friendship? am i stupid for caring? thank you! | he won't add me on facebook because he says he doesn't use it often. am i wrong to be upset? | 16nym1 | yes, it's weird. if he doesn't think facebook is a big deal, then why would it be a big deal to add you? definitely a trust issue. | relationship_advice | 16nym1 |
i have no motivation. i figured my lack of drive was coming from the fact that i was getting stoned silly every night. but i've been off it completely for almost 2 weeks and nothing has changed for the better. i have a big speech due tomorrow for my public speaking class and i've barely done any research at all. i'll probably just skip, sleep in, and might end up withdrawing from my classes altogether. i'm finding it really difficult to give a shit about anything. the worst part is, i have an intense urge to smoke weed again. i don't want to start back up for good, but it would make this all so much easier. i could just forget about my worries and be more comfortable with my laziness and depression. it would be so easy to just make a run to the store and buy a joint. it's too late for me to get this assignment ready anyways, so what have i got to lose? any response at all would be amazing, i really need some support here. | day 12 without weed, and i'm even more depressed than i was before i quit | 5rdpy7 | i don't want to get into an argument with you, but i bet if you wanted to get that speech in you could still. this coming from someone who got their bachelor's degree writing practically every paper the night before it was due (which i do not recommend, by the way). try playing the story all the way through. if you get stoned, you know what you'll get - high (maybe), lazy (probably), a brief relief from your head (possibly). in the morning the problems staring you in the face right now will be back, and the question will once again be: get stoned? wash, rinse, repeat? or do something differently? you can continue that cycle for a long time until you hit the point that it doesn't work any more. for me, i hit the point where it didn't work - i was just using to feel normal, not an enjoyable high anymore, and the negative thoughts and feelings i had tried to escape actually got louder and harder to ignore. i realised i could keep doing the same thing and the world would pass me by, 10 or 15 years gone just like that. and i didn't want that. smoking became a living death for me and i wanted to be alive, so i set out trying to do something different, and it started with putting weed down. the next steps involved reaching out for help and learning a new way of living. | leaves | 5rdpy7 |
basically... years ago, i went to therapy for suicide reasons twice before. both times weren't good. i hated my therapists. it also wasn't discreet, so people found out and reacted badly to it. late last year, something traumatic occurred, and i've just been getting worse and worse since... nightmares, flashbacks, hormonal changes, self-harm urges, physical reactions, constant anxiety, definite triggers, and even stress-related skin issues... so, i think i have ptsd... but, i don't want to self-diagnose or anything. i feel pretty invalid about the whole thing as it is, i don't want to feel like what happened to me was that traumatic anyway, i don't understand why i'm reacting like this. maybe i'm blaming it all on the trauma when it's just a placebo. i don't know what to do, because i don't want to go back to therapy. i also have no clue how to do this discreetly. so, i'm just not sure what to do. | i've had a bad experience with therapy, and now i don't know what to do about my possible ptsd. | 4udtqz | check out the ptsd coach app from the usa veterans administration. the android version is shitty because va politics, but the ios version is useful and free and very much a sort of multi-tool you can use as you see fit at your own pace. | ptsd | 4udtqz |
my therapist and doctor work in the same hospital, if i tell them that he’s been inappropriate with me several times is this something they would have to report? | medical doctor is grooming me | fs4bs0 | the answer is maybe. this depends a lot on whether you are an adult or minor and what exactly happened. it also depends on the license of your therapist. i could not report it if you were my adult patient because it would violate confidentiality. | askatherapist | fs4bs0 |
hi, everyone. i've been thinking about seeing a counselor more recently these past few years to discuss my mental health, which i think stems from (basically) a pretty poor quality of domestic living. i don't think there would be much reason for this now, but i'm afraid that what i'd disclose to my counselor would make them legally obligated to investigate my immediate family... i'm guessing as long as my younger brother is still underage. could this be true? this is a major point of contention for me if so, because i don't want anything to be unnecessarily shaken up in my family's home life while i'm temporarily depending on them for some financial aid. is there any way i could avoid this? (i live in a different city now if that matters) i've looked into online counseling resources to try and avoid in-person counseling, like [7cupsoftea](www.7cupsoftea.com) but i feel like my background is just too inter-wound in varying acting forces and emotions to sum it up in a chatbox. i'm not very active on reddit heh, so thanks in advance. i'll pop back eventually and read any constructive responses. :) | i'm afraid to incite a family investigation | 4asifp | counselors (and indeed all therapists, including psychologists and psychiatrists) are bound by their respective codes of ethics. across the board, one of the ethical principles they operate under is confidentiality. nothing you say to them can be repeated without your express written permission. therapists may only break confidentiality under a few tightly defined circumstances. 1. **in the case of a client being an imminent danger to himself or others.** note that the client must be an *imminent* danger. this means that they are going to commit suicide or assault/kill someone that day, or have immediate, executable plans to do so. in this case, ethics dictates that we break confidentiality in order to ensure that this doesn't happen. 2. **in the case of a subpoena from a court of law.** if a judge shows up with a subpoena, we're required to hand all our records over. it's very rare that this happens. 3. **in the case of a client reporting an inappropriate sexual relationship with another therapist.** that's a big no-no in the field. 4. **in the case of a client reporting child or elderly abuse.** most codes of ethics dictate that a therapist should break confidentiality when they learn of a child or elderly person being abused, for their protection. it's important to note that each of these circumstances depends on the therapist's definition of what constitutes a situation that falls into these categories. what may be child abuse to one therapist may not be child abuse to another. what may be imminent danger to one may not be imminent danger to another. even when circumstances do squarely fall into one of these categories, the clinician may decide that it is better for the therapeutic process to maintain confidentiality. if you seek out a therapist, talk to them about these concerns. let them know that you don't want confidentiality broken, and ask them under which circumstances they would break confidentiality. then go from there. | mentalhealth | 4asifp |
i work in an adult mental health group home. i love my job but i recently learned the history of some of our residents and it has been negatively affecting me. i can’t sleep or go about my day easily because their trauma and past actions are just replaying through my mind. i know this type of work has a high rate of burn out and compassion fatigue. i want to be present and able to do this job without taking the residents’ issues home with me. do you have any tips to set better boundaries with myself? i do self care like journaling, taking baths, and i’m going to start seeing a therapist next week. but so far my self-care is not enough. thanks for any advice! | how do you not take work home with you? | eby1gp | consultation and therapy are the best ways to manage negative reactions to client trauma and history. self-care can only go so far as you need your own emotional processing. i have found that when i seek out self-care, what i really need is comforting and a place for my pain to be stored outside of my own brain. doing this with another clinician is really, very helpful. i hope you have a good supervisor too, that can a game changer if you have supportive leadership who schedules regular supervision. take good care of you! | askatherapist | eby1gp |
i'm thinking that the "halt" concept should be helpful for recovery from just about any addiction, and i'm wondering what other people think about that. do you agree? disagree? and are there similar ideas that people might want to do posts on? for those who haven't heard of it yet, "halt" means "hungry, angry, lonely, tired". the idea is that many times, alcoholics are more likely to drink if they don't recognize that what's really troubling them is a basic desire like needing food or longing for some sleep or friendly company. and, by recognizing and dealing with the real issue, we're much less likely to drink. and it seems that a lot of us, during our drinking years, get to be very poor at identifying which desire we're having. so it's important to re-learn how to feel what's really going on an to act accordingly. maybe there will be some comments on this. or maybe others will want to do posts about other concepts/tools that strengthen our sobriety. | the "halt" concept should be helpful for recovery from just about any addiction. agree? disagree? | 16g0y8 | i find it universally applicable, although my understanding of it expands into the range of human needs a la maslow's hierarchy. as such, it becomes a model for healthy living - certainly part of recovery - but useful for a variety of problems. | redditorsinrecovery | 16g0y8 |
i originally posted this on another subreddit about an hour ago before i decided that i need help. i am done being this way. the idea of someone feeling inadequate, ugly, gross, fat, weak, etc because of low self-esteem turns me on. i don't know why, and i resent it with every fiber of my being. i know that this specific quality is going to attract me to someone one day, and i don't want to inhibit them from having a healthier self-image. i know this is all about having control over another person, being their guide through the scary and uncomfortable thoughts they have about themselves, feeling superior to them and knowing they think so poorly of themselves that they will submit to me. i hate this about myself, because the moment someone enters a relationship with me, it's going to be like tying cinder blocks to their legs and letting them sink into a lake of negative thoughts about themselves. i feel like this stems from my own self-esteem issues. why do i feel such a strong need to break others down to feel better about myself that i've literally developed a fetish for it? why do i find places online to bully myself and masturbate as i describe how ugly, fat, and hopeless i am to others? why will i lay down for hours at a time and write endlessly about people hating their bodies? these questions rush through my mind, and i just want nothing more than to never ask them again. i'm a sick fuck and for the safety of society i need to get myself committed so i can never hurt anyone with my deviance. posting this makes me feel like an attention hog. please, just fucking help me. anything. i don't deserve to be alive when i think this way. | i need to stop myself before i hurt someone | 4wb6ff | well first off the fact that you are aware of these thoughts and that you don't want to hurt someone is good. i think the best thing you can do is go to therapy to explore these thoughts and feelings you have. there are lots of different things in this world that turn people on and is nothing to be ashamed of as long as it is not hurting another person. some people are turned on by having someone have power over them. you just need to explore yourself to see where it takes you as find your limits. therapy can help with that. | advice | 4wb6ff |
earlier today, she slammed the car door, and it is not the first time. i keep asking her to simply not slam the car door, and 70% of the time she will still slam it. oh and this isn't just louder than usual, it's a full fucking slam, as if she needs the door to come into the car with her. i laughed for the first 20 times, now it's just getting stupid. she blames being raised with older cars and so the habit just stays. i say, that's fine, but this car is not any of those, you can stop doing that now. and so, with the most recent time, we had a mutual friend in the back seat, and being a social setting that is more than just us two, it is extremely normal for me (and all of us) to make fun of someone for doing something that is clearly ridiculous and unnecessary. so, i make fun of her, and she gets super upset that i am having fun at her expense over something that is just stupid. however, we had agreed to stop being overly mean to each other in front of others, and that we can sort things out between us without other people being involved. i wanted this to not carry on, so i removed myself from our bedroom so she could take her mind of of the matter, and i went into my studio to do the same. after all, it is a trivial matter. i thought it would just pass and we could carry on. this is fine, but now she has chosen to drag this out all evening, (2 hours after getting home), by coming into my studio and continuing the argument. i ask her to just leave and we can talk about this when she isn't stressed, and it stops stressing me out. and now, she has decided to just leave the house now, at 1am. am i being an asshole? or is she actually being ridiculous? this has gone on a bit too long, and now, i'm asking you folk in here for some advice. i hope i can find some sort of resolution... | my wife and i are having disagreements over her slamming the car door.. | 452fhu | i'll echo what everyone else said that this really isn't about the door, but let's talk about the door for just a second ... my so and i had this exact disagreement - i'm the slammer who was raised with old shitty cars, and currently drive an aging car that needs the door to be shut pretty hard otherwise it stays ajar. the trunk has to be slammed like your life depends on it or it pops open. so's car is nice, new, expensive, and requires only a gentle touch. it really *is* a tough habit to break, especially when literally every other time you get in a car you have to think about something so automatic. long story short: he asked nicely that i be mindful about the car door, explained that his car was important to him, and i tried to be careful with it. it took a few accidental slams, for which he reminded me politely. now it's fine. kindergarten rules, man. ask politely and be nice. don't make fun of people. don't run with scissors (that's just solid safety advice). | advice | 452fhu |
i'm doing multiple cognitive behavioral therapy programs right now, and i'm at least somewhat convinced that i'm just in too deep with anxiety/depression and that my emotional state can't be overhauled the way cbt intends. i feel like the exercises i do are okay in the short term, but in the long term, i just don't see how i can undo decades of emotional conditioning and learned responses to different stimuli. but i don't want to think that way. i want to be convinced that i'm wrong and that a person's mental state is still malleable and that things like this can be reversed with proper technique. any suggestions? | educational resources on the ability of cbt to reverse unconscious or automatic behaviors/feelings? | 3zd6e6 | this is a common response. first, don't look at the exercises as a cure but rather as a means to make things a bit easier. if that's all you accomplish by doing them you're still ahead. second, your criticism of the techniques is just one more automatic thought to be evaluated. in this case the bias is fortune telling or similar as you are predicting future outcomes without firm evidence on which to base your conclusions. | depression | 3zd6e6 |
i have been trying to ween myself off of alcohol for some time now, (this year has made it much more difficult than it would normally be) so i have been fairly unsuccessful. i am down to roughly 3 drinks a day.. but these past 2 nights i have had incredibly hot ears within an hour or two of taking my first drink. (101degrees f) does anyone know if this could be associated with liver damage? everything i have googled isnt saying that directly. i also believe that i have cushings disease, or syndrome, as i have every symptom of that as well. not looking for medical advice here. i am just curious if anyone has any info on whether or not this is potentially life-threatening. i never flushed before when drinking, it has just very recently started. i have a slew of other medical problems and take several medications.... im just trying to figure out what could be causing the flushing. if i do have cushings, that could be causing the flushing while drinking. if i dont, logically, it could only point to liver damage. i am 25 years old and have been struggling with alcoholism for about 3 years now. i also have bipolar disorder, depression, and general anxiety disorder. does anyone have any articles, or information of what could be causing the flushing, if not cushings, or the gene alteration? any articles/info is much appreciated! | alcoholism causing flushing of the ears? | jp6z3y | asking for feedback about your physical health symptoms, is asking for medical advice. please get off of google and go see your doctor. | alcoholicsanonymous | jp6z3y |
just a year ago, i was unable to leave the house alone, was eating around 500 to 1000 calories and weighed about 80 lbs, could never stick with a project for more than a few days, could only shower for a couple of minutes and needed my husband in the bathroom with me (i got sick in the shower once), panic and anxiety attacks were a daily occurrence, i was either sleeping three or thirteen hours with literally no in between, and i was in an on/off relationship with suicidal thoughts. more than half of these things were caused by my crippling fear of throwing up. here's what i've accomplished since i started seeing my new psychiatrist in february of 2018. * i now weigh 110 lbs. * i can eat and enjoy food. * i started working a part time job. (which, in case you need it spelled out, means i can leave the house on my own) * i finished my first novel. in less than three months. * i can take short showers by myself and can have sex in the shower i know that's tmi but it's something that was completely unthinkable before!!! * i was able to take care of my husband while he was sick with a stomach flu!!!!!!!!!! * i have three cats and i can take care of them, clean the litter boxes and even calmly clean up after them when they throw up. * i learned to swallow pills, something i have been unable to do literally all my life!!!!!! * i'm currently learning how to drive a car. (and i haven't crashed into a tree yet.) and most of all ***i'm enjoying life.*** | i've come a really long way. | 8mwqtd | i know this is like two weeks later (currently browsing the depths of this subreddit to calm myself down lol) but i am so proud of you and happy for you! you've made some amazing progress and all of the credit for that goes to you! congratulations and keep moving forward! remember that sometimes, it's three steps forward, one step backward. that's what's currently happening to me, but i have to remind myself that i've come a long way in the past couple of years. much love! | emetophobia | 8mwqtd |
throwaway account because my gf has reddit. i want to start out by saying that i understand it is extremely unethical to snoop through a significant others phone however i have severe trust issues and doing so has saved me from getting into a marriage that would have ended up destroying me. i realize i have issues i need to work on but i don't need to be reminded in this post. quick backstory, we are 27-28 years old living together in an apt. we frequently talk about marriage and have been together for almost 3 years. what i found is a 1:30 long video on her phone of her getting off using her vibrator. this video isn't for me and she obviously doesn't need it for herself so who is it for? why keep a video like that on your own phone? how concerned should i honestly be about this and should i even bother asking her about it? | found a video my gf took of herself masturbating on her phone, how concerned should i be? | 6en6i8 | now that you've snooped, just fucking talk to her about it. there's no unshitting the bed now that you've secretly sharted. also "i only snoop when i'm scared" is next level nonsense. | relationship_advice | 6en6i8 |
everyone tells me it wasn’t my fault. sure, i didn’t pull the trigger but no one knows what really went on inside of the relationship. we were so in love, soul mates. i tried to commit suicide last year and that’s when i was diagnosed with bpd on top of depression and anxiety. i would go crazy over the smallest things. i’m so embarrassed how i acted, i mean outbursts like trying to slit my throat and arms in front of him. i’ve ran out of the house barefoot before, had cops called on me, and he was even arrested once. i was so attached to him, i wanted him to stay home 24/7 so he could never see his friends. we fought a lot about that one. he told me he would never leave me because he knew i felt abandoned and he loved me beyond my problems. he told me i was his only reason to live. i started spiraling down big time the month leading up to his death. we fought all the time because i was incredibly controlling and wouldn’t let him leave the house. so we decided to go on a break, but this time was different because he actually changed his relationship status to single on fb. he came home that night and he was drunk and crying saying he loved me so much and i sat on his chest and wiped his tears away telling him it will all be okay. i asked if he wanted dinner as i walked to the kitchen. he declined and changed and said he was running to the gas station real quick. he said he’d be back.. but he never came home. i got the call two hours later that he had shot himself. the person he called on the way to do it told me his last words were he loved me and he didn’t understand why we couldn’t get along. i can’t explain the way i feel, but if you too have bpd, maybe you will see where i am coming from, no one else does.. “it will get better” they say but are you kidding i’m going to think about this every day for the rest of my miserable life. my entire world feels shattered. i’m literally losing my mind. i was too attached or maybe too in love because i don’t know who i am anymore | i know my bpd caused my fiancé to commit suicide | 9te769 | suicide is always a personal choice someone makes to deal with something they don't feel empowered to solve. there are a lot of supports out there he could have utilized. there's always the thought of "i could have done something different" but really there's plenty he could have done differently, not you. aside from that, that's terrible and i'm sorry you are going through this. i hope you are seeking the support you need | bpd | 9te769 |
any advice is welcome! here's my story. the first three years we dated she only mildly irritated me. there were little things here and there that felt intrusive, but nothing to major. i always chalked it up to her being an attention seeker and i got the impression she liked to toy with him every now and again, but i never felt that she was perusing him or anything. on her wedding day she started texting him pictures of their kids (they have two together and i have one of my own) in their fancy little outfits, and of course they looked adorable but.... isn't it weird that she took time out on her wedding day to text him??? again, i just decided she was getting a little jab in at him because hey, i've enjoyed a couple jabs at ex bfs myself, but it was nothing to dwell on because he can't control what she does. then we broke up for 8 months for unrelated reasons. being apart didn't work for either of us so we reconnected and we've been together again for almost a year and we're living together again. but the dynamic between them changed during the time we were apart. when they ended their relationship she moved 10 hours away with their kids, got married, and had a third child with her husband. apparently, while we were broken up, he had been driving out to different towns to see his son's hockey games, and staying in hotels with her and her husband and all 3 of the kids. he seemed pretty happy about it and mentioned even wanting to have her new daughter come with his kids to stay with us during their vacation breaks. honestly, it seemed harmless and completely outrageous at the same time. on one hand, maybe there was a friendship between them he valued, and i'm to much of a hippy to stand in the way of connections other people may have. on the other hand, it seemed completely inappropriate but i couldn't exactly put my finger on why. was i being jealous? wasn't it better if the kids saw all their parental figures getting along? then i started noticing she was texting him almost everyday. bing bing bing bing. his phone was constantly going off. i snuck a look at his phone and it just seemed excessive. here's a picture of your kid standing over here, here's a picture of your kid standing and inch to the right, here's a picture of the cupcakes i made for your kids birthday, here's a picture of your kid standing beside the cupcakes, here's another picture of a random kid and your kid standing with the cupcakes... i was feeling pretty stuck at this point. i wasn't comfortable with it, that i knew, but i didn't want him missing out on hearing about his kids. i mentioned to him that it was bothering me and he just reassured me he has no interest in her, so i let it go. then he gets invited to this stupid wedding. the couple getting married and my bf and his ex had all been good friends when they were younger (when my bf and his ex were still together). his ex and the bride are best friends still. i didn't want to go, but he said he wanted to show me off so i was flattered enough to agree, and plus it would be an opportunity to see his kids. a few days before however, he gets a call from the groom (that he hasn't seen in 8 years), asking him to be a groomsmen because someone had backed out. which would have meant coming without me, so he said no. no big deal right? we get to the wedding and his ex is there alone without the kids or her husband. long and short of it, there were absolutely enough relations to fill that groomsmen spot without resorting to a friend that you hadn't talked to in 8 years, and it absolutely seemed like a set up for his ex to have my bf to herself in a hotel for the night. she was rude to me, whispered to her friends about me loud enough for me to hear, made no effort to get to know me (even though i spend every holiday with her children and will mostly likely be their step mother), made flirty little smiles at my bf the whole night, and most disturbingly... half of her bridesmaid's speech was about my boyfriend and the silly times they'd all had together. i am not stupid and that was absolute intentional bullshit from a pathetic, competitive bitch who wanted the attention of my boyfriend. he had ended up in a picture with her and some other friends and the next day she posted it on facebook, tagged him in it, and because of course that just wouldn't suffice, she had to text him the picture as well. i was done. done done done. i'm not playing these immature little games because it is poison to my relationship. i told him that i'd had enough, and he agreed and deleted her off facebook and started responding to her texts with one word answers, if he responded at all. so this has gone on for months now. he barely responds, and she texts him every other day at least. and not one text, several texts. he always leaves his phone out for me so that i have full disclosure if i ever feel like snooping, and i really appreciate that. but the more she texts, the more annoyed we are. we're having sex... bing bing bing, she's texting. looking at engagement rings... bing bing bing. out for a romantic dinner... bing bing bing fucking bing!!!! so, when we got the kids for winter break, i guess he'd had enough and he wouldn't respond one single word to her incessant texting. then i made the mistake of posting a picture of my bf's son and his school project i had been helping him with. well that was just to much for her, because i have her blocked on facebook and she apparently feels entitled to see what i post. she flips out and threatens to stop driving the kids half way for pick ups and drop offs (which would mean my bf having to stay overnight in a hotel in her hamlet or town or whatever the hell she lives in, which i'm sure she'd just love). he "talked" to her about it, and when i say talked i more mean they exchanged awkward, immature remarks back and forth that led no where, except the agreement that instead of her texting him, he would call his kids and hear about their lives directly from them. it's been one fucking day since they were dropped off and she's already text him. "looks like you washed the whites with a red sweater :d." ................ is she a fucking lunatic?? yeah, there are two shirts that have a bit of a pink tinge.... and that's a good enough reason to text him after you raged out on him and he asked you to stop texting him!?! i'm lost here!!!!!! what really bothers me, my real reason for posting this, is what if he is egging this on behind my back? deleting the texts he sends her? flirting with her when he picks them up or drops them off? giving her flirty smiles at the wedding when my back was turned? i don't understand why she is so persistent? wouldn't she have been embarrassed by texting for months with no reply? why would she be texting him smiley faces today when the last time i know of them talking they were furious with each other??? i have bad feeling about this and i can't tell if i'm paranoid or if my intuition is telling me something's up. help :( | his ex is really impacting our relationship negatively. | 5mv5mz | he's too involved with his ex | relationship_advice | 5mv5mz |
and you can't even be mad because everything is fine in their eyes. | when you stop contacting your friends and they make no effort to get back in touch | 4liee7 | i know exactly what you mean. i've ended up being terrified of people and the idea of making friends exhausts me. i don't let anyone in anymore. i don't bother trying. i've been hurt by people too much and decided friendship wasn't worth the risk. i think sometimes about how i approached friendship as a kid. i remember being so excited to meet people, to learn about them, to plan fun things to do. i've always been insecure but generally it was only in relation to boys. now i'm the opposite. i get boyfriends easily (and have a bomb ass amazing one) but other women terrify me. i can't handle another rejection by them. i know the reason i don't have many friends at this very moment is because now i reject people before they have the chance to reject me. i'm hoping someday i will work things out with myself and be open to others again but that day is just not today. good luck. | depression | 4liee7 |
i am a 31/m and have been dating my 29/f girlfriend for two years now. i work in management and she is a divorce attorney. she is beautiful, intelligent, and has a kind heart, but lately has been very emotionally unstable and taking her anger out on me. i almost feel as though she is picking fights with me to feed her resentment as to the fact that i've not yet proposed to her - many of our friends are getting married/having children. i've clearly communicated my intent to do so and been very clear about my intentions to eventually (i,e, within the next year or two) propose and marry her, yet she seems to resent me for not doing so sooner. we live together, are moving into a lovely new condo together, are both doing great in our careers, and otherwise have a blessed life. i'm upset because things are going unbelievable well, and i feel like she is taking an otherwise wonderful situation and only seeing the worst in it (i.e. we are not engaged), which makes me feel unappreciated and taken for granted. i love this girl and think the world of her, but her own insecurities manifest themselves into anger and resentment, which only serves to push me away. what can i do? is this a lost cause? she oftentimes picks fights and can be unbelviably rude and standoffish,a nd i know it manifests itself from this issue. | 31/m dealing with inconsistent and emotional 29/f | 70m1s1 | definitely go to couple counseling as this is unravelling | relationship_advice | 70m1s1 |
i (27m 6’0 74kg white) received a blowjob from a woman who has genital herpes. i also fingered her and likely touched my penis with said finger as i began to put a condom on but changed my mind about having sex. what are my chances of contracting genital herpes from her? no i didn’t know she had herpes. this was two days ago i now have a sore anus. no current medical issues or medications. i dont drink smoke or do drugs. | i received oral sex from a woman with genital herpes what is the chances of me catching it? | dhj5ah | please do not ask the same questions repeatedly. | askdocs | dhj5ah |
i've always had few friends. in my teens, this was kinda bothersome, but nowadays i don't really mind. i have a few close friends and i'm quite happy about that. however, i've started a new class/course thing, and i thought i was going to try making some new acquaintances here - in spite of my best judgement. problem? well, i soon realized that [i don't know how this works](WEBLINK). two days in and i've yet to talk to anyone. i'm not really shy, but social situations are just awkward. i don't know where to place my eyes, what to say and so on. the main issue i have is that i really don't know how to casually strike up a conversation. mostly due to my discontent of small talk have led me to a point where i can't really do it. "so yeah, how 'bout that local sports team?" "sure is weather today, no?" how does this work? i'm just dumbfounded, and awkward. | casually talking to new people? | u01m1 | i wrote a [guide to conversation](WEBLINK) which i think will be right up your alley :) you should check it out--it's the best possible answer i could make to the question of "how do you actually have a great conversation?" also, for your situation specifically, context is key. ask someone "hey, what did you think of [topic we discussed in class yesterday]?" or "hey, how did that [event you said you were going to yesterday after class] go"? basically, you want to start your conversation by focusing on something relevant to the situation. if your conversation started just comes out of the blue, it will be awkward and they will respond negatively. but if it fits the context, it will work. you can think of it kind of like a subreddit---if you submit content to /r/socialskills that actually belongs in /r/gaming, it will get downvoted. you want to sort of figure out what the context is, and then submit a conversation topic that relates to that. finally, don't be afraid of not being perfect. it's ok to start a conversation without a super winning topic in mind. you're allowed to just say "hey, i don't think we've ever officially met--i'm [name]. what's your name?" you might get some negative responses, but you'll never get a "yes" if you don't ever risk a "no." good luck! if you have any specific questions, feel free to post them here or dm me. | socialskills | u01m1 |
i volunteer with a suicide/emotional support charity that receives emails. each volunteer receives the next email that hasn't been answered rather than the person in need being assigned to any number of people. a person i volunteer with approached me about an email i sent in which i expressed that it is a good thing that the person in need has managed to stop themselves from self-harming. their problem was that if i express that we find it positive that they are not self-harming, if they start to self-harm again they won't tell us because they think we will be disappointed. is it wrong that, as a general rule, i have given positive reinforcement when people don't do negative behaviours like this? would a therapist do the same? | is it right to give positive reinforcement when someone says they haven't been self-harming? | g8v4y6 | positive reinforcement is about increasing a behavior. it may be helpful to reinforce the coping skill , rather than focus on the absence of a behavior. for example, if someone didn't cut because they went for a walk, journaled, or called a friend, you could reinforce this behavior because this is what it sounds like you want to increase. | askatherapist | g8v4y6 |
i've been feeling a lot down for the past few days and it feels like i'm loosing hope... i've had this shitty condition for almost 6 months now and i funno if i should keep my therapist. most of this 6 months was spent practicing breathing (which i told my therapist multiple times that it doesn't work) and waiting for school to reopen as she thought that would lighten up my anxiety. not only as i come back to school i was more introverted and anxious to my friends, my anxiety didn't get better and actually worsened after 3 weeks of school. every time i talk to her she seems stressed, like if she doesn't want to talk to me. like if i'm an annoyance to her. my therapist doesn't even believe i suffer from ocd, because she thinks that i have no compulsions and obsessions, even if i told her that me constantly searching my problems on the internet could be a compulsion. i don't know if i want to change therapist because i'm scared that i'll find one which is even worse than mine now. i know this might be offensive to some people, but i'm scared that i'll end up cycling through countless therapists trying to treat my incurable situation... i also have self harm ocd, so this situation makes me scared that it will lead me to me inevitably taking myself... i don't actually want to do it, but i'm scared that i will. should i change therapist? i already decided to try waiting for my next appointment for my decision but i'm just too scared. i would also loose 6 months of progress... | scared my ocd/anxiety will never go away... [tw] | jernel | if you’re therapist isn’t helping it’s okay to move on. breathing is really important to keep practicing as the more you do it the more effective it becomes, but that shouldn’t be the main focus for ocd. i’d look for a provider that is able to do erp for ocd specifically. | anxiety | jernel |
my mom was a female she was 58 she was about 185 and 5,3 she wasn’t very active at all due to health problems and she didn’t leave the house much. so 6 months ago my mom had to have heart surgery. it was to add 2 stints and redo another one that had “rusted out” which the dr said it shouldn’t have been able to do that since it was titanium. my mom had a lot of heart problems was very unhealthy. well she went in and before they even opened her up her lungs collapsed under the anesthesia. after her being on life support for 1 month because of that she ended up pulling out of it and going to a rehab center to recover. she went back to the dr and said she wanted the surgery done. she said without the surgery it was effecting her way of life(she was on oxygen and thought she would be able to get off after the surgery). the drs told her she would not survive and that if they did do the surgery she only had a 20% chance of her pulling through. she called multiple doctors and they wouldn’t do it said it was too risky. but she found one who would....she had the surgery and never pulled back out of anesthesia, she ended up going on ecomo for a week and half before her organs started shutting down. so what my question is, if the doctor did the surgery knowing she wasn’t going to make it, is that against any laws? she had been depressed for quite some time so i feel she just didn’t want to live. | medical suicide or normal practices? | cd8d9j | it's legal to perform a high-risk surgery if the patient understands and accepts the risks. it sounds like you have concerns about whether your mother could or would consider the risks with a clear mind. we can't know that. but surgeons don't perform surgeries with no hope of a good outcome, and sometimes high risk is worth accepting for a real chance at improved quality of life. we can't know why the surgeon chose to go ahead with it. maybe he or she has particular expertise, or was particularly sympathetic to your mom's request, or maybe simply lacked caution. regardless, it's legal as long as informed consent was sought and given. | askdocs | cd8d9j |
i broke up with my ex boyfriend last year because after 4 months of dating i wasn't ready to lose my virginity. he was my first kiss, and going from kissing to full on sex was just a lot to handle. there were other factors in the break-up. i knew he wasn't over his ex from 3 years ago (yes, he pined over a girl he broke up with when he was 15/16). he also had anger issues and started pushing my boundaries. i had enough when he literally took his pants off in a parking lot in broad daylight and coerced me in to giving him a handjob knowing that was the first time i had ever seen a penis. it just sucked. i broke up with him because the intimacy felt forced. now i'm 20, almost 21 and haven't met anyone i'd want to date. i'm just worried when i start dating someone else i might not feel ready to have sex right away, especially because only one guy has seen me naked and that was a year ago. will guys in there 20's wait a few months until i am comfortable? or should i just give up on dating...? | [20/f] is it impossible to ask a guy to wait for sex? | 6kdd5b | don't worry what the boys think. they are filled to the brim with testosterone, which rules them. you be you...be comfortable...always......go as slow as you need to....never feel pressured.....if they can't hack it they're the wrong guy. | relationship_advice | 6kdd5b |
my wife has adhd but her body is extremely sensitive to stimulants. she use to take 10mg a day of adderall several years ago but because she stopped sleeping well and basically ate nothing because she was not hungry she had to stop taking it because it was doing more harm then good. is there anything out there that can help with adhd without using a stimulant? | non-stimulant medicine to help treat adhd? | 40jdma | the frontline non-stimulant adhd medication is strattera. wellbutrin, clonidine, effexor, & intuniv have been shown to work as well, particularly since wellbutrin isn't a stimulant but acts on the brain like one. again, everyone's experiences with medication is completely different. | adhd | 40jdma |
is she dipping her toe in the water? so to speak? or does it mean nothing at all? maybe shes thinking about me? its weird havent heard from her in so long then pop a friend request from her. was just curious what it meant | 22m what does it mean when an ex sends a facebook friend request? | 694wxv | she would like the rights and privileges of facebook friendship. what do you want? | relationship_advice | 694wxv |
i am almost 20, and i started taking lorazepram in addition to an antidepressant. i was perfectly fine on my antidepressants for weeks. however, a couple of days into taking a benzo, i had insomnia one day and then the day after i had horrible muscle pain and had a bout of depression and thoughts of killing myself. i stopped taking the drug even though it seems like benzos are supposed to help you "calm down". anyways, have any of you had bad reactions with benzodiazepines? is this uncommon? i don't really know anything about these. | can lorazepram do this? | 6z33bj | why are you being prescribed lorazepam of all things? what dose are you prescribed? | mentalhealth | 6z33bj |
hi all! throwaway as my main is pretty easy to identify and i know he's a redditor. so here's the story: my best friend is amazing. we met in college and have been there for each other through a lot. i [25/f] have ptsd and she's stood by my side as other friends have fallen away. she introduced me to my bf [28/m] who i've been with for 4.5 years and who is the light of my life. her bf, however, is a different story. i want to like him and sometimes i do, but i can't help but think there is something wrong going on with their relationship and it makes it hard for me to be around him. they've been together for a while and when they first started dating he showed a lot of red flags: leaving her on the streets alone after a heaving night of drinking and fighting, calling her names, mocking her personal beliefs, and once proclaiming that although he's never cheated on her he cheated on all his past gfs. he's generally funny and she seems to be in love with him, but once, while ranting about issues with our respective bfs i got the sense that it was common for him to lie about who he sees and what he does when he goes out. she once caught him with a girl on his lap at a bar... this alone would probably make any best friend upset, but i've had personal interactions with him that really drive it home for me. because of my mental illness i rarely drink and if i do it's just one beer/cocktail. one. no more, no less. she knows this. their lifestyle includes a lot of drinking so on the rare occasion we go to a double date, there's a lot of drinks going around except me. several times now he's secretly bought us all shots and when i didn't want to take mine he threw a fit. most recently he did it to just my bf and he was upset, but agreed to take it because he had already spent the cash and he felt obligated. another time they took us out to dinner, their treat, and he bought me a cocktail i barely touched and literally threw a fit and wouldn't let us leave until it was finished (my friend gulped it down who was clearly uncomfortable). what the fuck is this? to me, it's scary because he triggers my ptsd which was caused by men who wouldn't take "no", fighting, and being completely unconscious as a sign to leave me the fuck alone and his tantrums and boundary-crossing makes it literally impossible for me to be around him. i want to say something, but i feel like i had my chance way back when they started dating (and i did voice concern, but it never went anywhere). he also pays 90% of their bills (he's well off) and i know that is another form of control. she seems to be thriving and confident about life and maybe it's my own pathology that is triggered by him, but i'm tired of coming up with excuses on why i never want to hang with both of them together. tl;dr best friend's bf shows serious signs of control issues and is emotionally abusive. i want to be there for her, but i can't stand to be around him and i'm tired of coming up with excuses. | how do deal with best friend's [25/f] boyfriend [26?/m] of four years that i can't stand... | 6ar6pc | what do you see as your options? | relationship_advice | 6ar6pc |
i recently watched some netflix documentary about adderall and ritalin usage by high school and college students as a performance enhancer. parents who can afford it send their kids to the shrink who will prescribe it, and now buffy and skylar can study longer hours and work more efficiently. because they're on speed. once these kids get their scripts, they share with their friends, or sell, and we have a generation of kids who are speed freaks. i've taken adderall, and that is ***absolutely*** speed. kids who are regularly taking this are going to affect their psyche. it makes people impulsive and over confident. watching the behavior of some of the young incoming members of congress----alexandria ocasio-cortez in particular---makes me think we are seeing the adderall-dependent young people starting to enter the public sector en masse. have you seen her interviews? that woman is on adderall. eyes bugging out, rapid talking, arrogant. she went to boston college so i guarantee you she either has a script or has access. how many other politicians are on adderall? president trump? you know, he does stay up awfully late for an old man. i think lots of the people in the media are, too. hectic schedules, long hours, etc. is adderall abuse as big a problem as i think it is? | how many milennials are on adhd meds and does that affect national security? | acwtak | *sees passionate young woman having voice and power to make change* “she must be on drugs, it’s the only explanation!” 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♀️ | antipsychiatry | acwtak |
i have asperger's and my life kind of sucks. i didn't have friends until this semester when i joined a small fraternity at my college (maybe the only way i can make friends is through a long, controlled process) and i've never had a girlfriend or even met a girl who seems remotely interested in me. some people tell me it's because i'm "depressed" or "not confident" but i think it's because i'm a weird fucking guy like every other "aspie" i know. my friends make fun of me all the time and i can't talk to a girl without her thinking i'm a freak. my friends have told me that i am indeed a weird awkward guy, they told me that when i asked them for advice (the only advice they gave me was "be confident bro") and i admire them for being honest with me unlike everyone else in my life. still, i always end up being the butt of all the jokes, everyone teases everyone but i always take the worst of it. i always need to hear about how i'm awkward and weird and i have funny mannerisms and i'm getting sick of it. they'd stop if i told them it bothered me, because they don't actually want to hurt anybody's feelings, but at the same time they'd think i can't take a joke since they have no idea how fucked up my life is. the girls who hang out at the house have fun with all my brothers but ignore me unless they want me to do them a favor, which is often. some of them are condescending towards me and talk to me like i'm a kid and i'll probably tell them to go fuck themselves if they try it again. we've been hanging out with a sorority lately and the girls in it don't seem to give a shit about me at all. i tried to talk to two of them at a party, one ignored me ("how are you doing?" "good." "thanks for helping us set all this up." "m-hm." *walk away* [that happens to me a lot]) and the other talked to me but all the stuff i was saying sounded fucking weird (it wasn't the wrong stuff to say but my word choice and voice patterns sounded really weird) and she seemed uncomfortable so i just backed off. one of my brothers talked to her for half an hour and got her number and they're still texting today. i can't even imagine connecting with someone like that or even being able to hold a conversation that goes anywhere. at the age i'm at (20) if people don't respect me by and large it's almost cetainly my fault, i'm not a kid anymore. if i can't earn the respect of others then i don't deserve to live the life that i want. i'm pretty sure the problem is that i have weird mannerisms, people with asperger's have awkward posture, voice patterns, gestures, and facial expressions. i can look at a picture of myself in a social setting and tell it's off but i can't tell why. a few people have told me that i have weird mannerisms but can't put their finger on what it is. how can i change this? most of the stuff i read about social skills is shit i already know (don't ramble, ask questions, keep eye contact, smile, etc.) but i think my problems are much more subtle than that. how can i find out what my problems are and change them? is it even possible? | i have asperger's and i am incapable of carrying myself in a way that is dignified or demanding of respect. how do i change this? can a person change their mannerisms? | 11npjh | have you tried meeting with a counselor? a counselor who specializes in asperger's will be your best bet for finding out what mannerisms you are doing. they will have experience in spotting them, and will be able to help you change for the better. | socialskills | 11npjh |
i was diagnosed almost a year ago (at 22 years old) with adhd. while growing up there were always high expectations of me. these high expectations allowed me to succeed, but in a roundabout way which i'll get to. after a long time thinking i just needed a better work ethic (an idea that still comes and goes) i talked to some doctors, and i'm feeling on top of the world after a year of treatment. i've been thinking back to my days in high school and university, and the coping mechanism i developed, and i am curious as to how other people coped before they started a treatment path for adhd. as i said, the high expectations placed on me allowed me to succeed. they served as a line which, if crossed, would mean something terrible would happen. but that line was always far behind me. that final project worth 40%? if i put x hours into it i could get the a, and i still had four days until it's due. i didn't need to think about it yet. and i would let myself fall further back towards that line until i was on the edge and this huge rush of negative emotions - stress, fear, regret - would serve as enough of a push to let me sit down and do the project in a scattered, caffeine-fueled frenzy the night before it was due. | for people who found out later, what were your coping mechanisms earlier in life? | 9bvtgz | recently diagnosed at age 29. (actually, my therapist diagnosed it when i was 27 or so, but i didn't get myself to a psychiatrist until a couple of months ago.) i did well through high school, but things got worse from there. i was on academic probation in college and then again in graduate school. my compensatory mechanisms were: - doing assignments in the evening / night: i didn't connect this to adhd until i started reading this sub. my brain used to be less noisy at night. (due to ritalin and lifestyle factors, this has flipped - i'm now much more focused in the morning.) - procrastination / urgency: this worked less and less well over time; in college i hit a point where i could no longer churn out a paper at the last minute. my brain would seize up like an engine without oil. i remember calling the school crisis line at dawn after i had pulled an all-nighter without actually getting much done. - getting extensions: my high school english teachers knew that i was smart and a hard worker, so they were pretty generous about giving extensions. i think they thought i was an eccentric artist type. in college this was hit or miss. in grad school (after nearly getting kicked out for poor grades due to missed deadlines), i realized that i could prioritize assignments based on which professors would give me extensions and which professors would not. - fighting the anxiety/avoidance cycle: a previous therapist helped me see the role of anxiety and perfectionism in my procrastination. once i understood this, i was able to reduce my procrastination somewhat - but there was definitely a limit to how far i could get without medication. - adjusting expectations / working on self-acceptance: frankly, this became necessary to prevent me from attempting suicide, which was why i first sought therapy. but i also learned to just turn in something, anything, to avoid getting a zero or falling too far behind. | adhd | 9bvtgz |
i'm a freshman right now at one of the top competitive colleges in america. also, i have never been diagnosed with depression, or have ever seen a therapist/counselor. i don't want to say that i feel sad most of the time, but at the same time i'm never happy. i can be happy momentarily for my friends, but when i'm by myself, i just switch off. reading a list of depression symptoms, i can relate to some of them, like excessive sleep, loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, memory problems and being irritable, but at the same time i don't have symptoms like changes in appetite, feeling shaky, sweating, or having hot flashes, feeling lightheaded, sick to your stomach, or out of breath. i've always felt like happy people are just screwing themselves over for life. i just feel like sleeping or doing nothing. i'm never caught up on the things i need to do, even if i know i need to do them. secretly, i wish that i would be in a fatal accident so i don't have to deal with the world. i have been like this my entire life growing up, but i don't even know if i am depressed. | how extreme is my depression? | speds | hey there, if it is interfering in your life (which it is, or you wouldnt be here), then you ought to think about seeing a counselor. all of what you described are symptoms of depression, and when you add in the thoughts about death, it sounds serious. most colleges have therapists on staff that are fully trained and competent for these things. maybe try seeing one of them? | depression | speds |
i think this is another confession compulsion, but i need to get it out. this week i was suddenly reminded of something that "happened" over a year ago. during that time my ocd was really bad and i had constant intrusive sexual thoughts. i remembered one time getting an image in my head, then getting anxious, and then getting a "groinal response". i was anxious about the thought, but the response felt very real, so i deicided to "test" myself, so i could figure out once and for all if i was a sick person. i basically forced myself to masturbate to the thought, thinking that nobody would be hurt by this "testing". however, i was mostly thinking about normal sexual stuff to actually stimulate myself. needless to say, it was a horrible decision and i got very panicked about the testing. i've read sexual studies that say that physical stimulation alone can lead to an erection and that sexual thoughts in general can generate feelings of attraction, even if the content is not likeable. i'm not comparing myself to a rape victim but i've read about rape victims getting physical feelings of stimulation (obviously rape is never pleasant). i've told myself that the other sexual stuff was the thing that essentially got me excited. i've also read about groinal responses in ocd. despite all of this, i feel like it's different (classic ocd-trick). i guess i'm looking for some reassurance here. | sexual-ocd, intrusive thoughts and masturbation | 3npxsd | seeking reassurance only strengthens the cycle. "testing" needs to be off the table. it's difficult with sexual obsessions, but necessary. you simply have to practice sitting with the doubt instead of trying to figure things out. i struggle with the same thing, so i get it. | ocd | 3npxsd |
i am looking for support in terms of understanding others experience of this issue as well as insight into what solutions work for you. | do you ever wake up in the morning and just have a hard time getting it together? every decision seems so difficult and adhd meds are not appearing to help. | 8bybox | music helps me a lot. the first thing i do when i get up is turn my bose speaker on and put on whatever my goto morning song is that week (something peppy, but i pretty much exclusively listen to hard rock). then i dance my way into my kitchen to feed my cats. having two fur balls screaming for food helps motivate me. the music just puts me in a good mind set. on the days when i can’t quite get right out of bed i make a short playlist. my first thought as i lever myself upright is “let’s do this shit,” and i do my best impression of “the rock” in my head, so it’s more lets do thissss shittttt. i also leave my snooze alarm on, because that way i can kinda track how much time i have to get out of the house. on days i take my meds, i usually make myself a scrambled egg and put it in a plastic bag next to my bed. i set an alarm for an hour and a half before i have to get up, and when it goes off i eat the egg, take my meds and go back to sleep. so when i get up it’s already kicked in/is about to kick in. | adhd | 8bybox |
i'm sorry about making another post regarding this subject but i'm really terrrified. i was reading an article about celebrities who are paedos. all of the sudden a picture of a child popped up and now im really scared. i didn't know it would be there and i didn't download it or anything like that. it just took me for shock and now i feel so bad and terrified i could go to jail. i wasn't looking for porn nor was i on a porn site. without getting into details all of the private parts were blacked out. | really scared. | 54bzlx | i agree. all of this is a compulsion. first, if you know this is your ocd and you are triggered by writings about pedophilia, dont read literature about pedophiles unless you are specifically doing it as an exposure under the guidance of a therapist. if you are self guided right now with a book, go back to the section about challenging thought distortions or counter statements. until then, do something more productive with your time and energy. if the police are coming they are coming. no amount of reddit comments will stop them, make them come, or make the anxiety go away permanently. | ocd | 54bzlx |
long-ish story short, lost my job because i'm an alcoholic. i keep catching myself saying "ok, if i do this, this, and this, maybe i can get my career back". completely ignoring the reason i lost it was that i am an alcoholic. its so stressful to think that i may have to say good bye to that part of my life that it over shadows, that i forget that i'm supposed to be focusing on my alcoholism and not my career now. i quit cigarettes, because i caught myself lying to myself. i used to smoke 1/2 a pack a day. 1/2 before lunch, 1/2 before i went to bed. i really believed that. this feels extremely familiar in that regard. i have an all weekend bbq/rafting trip planned starting tomorrow. its going to be booze all night, booze all day on the river, and booze all night long on saturday. my friends will be supportive. even though i've not ever come out to them that i'm an alcoholic, i would be kidding myself to think they don't know. they probably knew before i did. any time i've said i'm taking a break from drinking they say "thats probably a good idea". its more the stress of not drinking that is scary to me right now. just trying to socialize without my old buddy alcohol. feel like i'm going to sound like a retard. but they will not give me slack for it, very supportive group. it's more myself that i'm afraid of. not that i'm gonna drink, that i just don't know how to act in these situations without drinking. apologies for the 2 different points in one post. just kind of how my mind is working these days. can not stay on point, even if it would be in my best interest. | keep catching myself avoiding what caused the problem | 1iljze | the realization there is huge. a big thing around my sober community is calling yourself when you have realizations like this because these thoughts can be fleeting and if we don't get them out in the open and concrete the idea in our minds then they can be very dangerous. on your second point, i echo the same sentiment, that is a big deal to see that in yourself and have the courage to put it in writing. i know i didn't have a problem sounding like a blathering idiot while i was drunk, and if you've seen me on here you know that is still quite true. i know almost every fear i had coming into sobriety revolved around the central fear of what will other people think of me. it completely controlled my behaviors. despite other people's thoughts about me on a deeper level is completely outta my control. sure i could act this way, or say this, or wear this, so as to control how people viewed me on a superficial level, but even that was still beyond my power. that being said the only i know to relieve myself from that came through aa. i don't know what you do in regards to a program of recovery, but i know these things are addressable in more ways the one. now for the short term, what tools do you have going into tomorrow? how are you going to deal with cravings, being offered a drink, triggers, etc. just like it's important to call yourself out it is important to know what way you will react that is beneficial to you and your sobriety this weekend. i don't know if you have any or not, but if it were me i'd put them in place now so the risk of drinking is reduced. i see a painful number of posts on here saying things to the effect of, "i f'd up". | stopdrinking | 1iljze |
he sent snap chats of him drinking with his friends by a fire... and hasnt bothered to call after my spinal surgery. he said he would call me later.. its nearly 9pm and even if he did call now i cant answer due to having a lady sleeping in my room (fair enough its freaking night time.. its a hospital!) what do i do if he calls as im upset and dissapointed.. or if he doesnt call at all. . how do i handle this? edit - some words update!! his reason for not calling was he assumed everything was ok and he was busy talking to friends and seeing their new house . pardon me for thinking i mihht be just a tad more important then that.. .. i told him not to bother picking me up ive had enough and deserve a fuck ton better than this. now im strandard at the hospital... shit. thanks everyone. you were all right in one way or another xo | boyfriend (30m) hasnt bothered to call me (28f) to see how i went after my surgery... 7 hours ago | 4ps1vk | this is shitty. tell him you were really upset that he didn't call after your surgery and it made you feel like he didn't care about you. see how the conversation goes and if he's receptive to your feelings. | relationship_advice | 4ps1vk |
i have quit quite a few times over the year's but i have not suffered insomnia like this. i pass out at maybe 5am and get some really disrupted sleep for maybe 3 hours. this has been going on for 2 months now. i know if i buy a bag and only smoke a little burner before bed i will sleep sound, but i know the cycle all to well. within a month i will be smoking in the day and eventually be back smoking as often as i can. anyone got any ideas for how to help my insomnia? | i can't sleep | 9tv2vv | melatonin make a wind down routine to prep for bed - hot bath, cup of herbal tea, reading, meditation or stretching/yoga (no screens) regular exercise if you can't sleep don't lay there for too long, get up, go to another room if you can and do something boring until you are ready to try again | leaves | 9tv2vv |
just found out that my boyfriend of three years is active on tinder. it started out as a "joke" with him and his friends to see how many girls would swipe right. now he just uses it to browse girls when he's bored. i called him out when a girl i knew matched with him and confronted him for me. he's crazy apologetic and upset with himself because he knows how stupid it was. he says he never talks to anyone but for some reason it still feels like i was betrayed. i feel very disrespected and my trust in him has been wounded. i don't know what i should do. | my boyfriend has been using tinder for the past 3 months | 6wnqb2 | no fuck that. totally inappropriate. you deserve better. | relationship_advice | 6wnqb2 |
i am a 26 y/o female who started dating a 27 y/o male at the beginning of may. hit it off from the very beginning and things progressed at first. we were seeing each other 1-2 times a week after work. i still like him as much as i did in the beginning, but 2 things have been bothering me. it's been 2 months, and i know we both haven't dated any other people since meeting each other. shouldn't it be time for a dtr talk? also, we keep seeing each other only just once a week, for a few hours at a time. i wish he could commit to longer date. i understand we're both busy (he is working on his own start-up full time, i have a full-time job + a very demanding side hustle), but i think he can make the time to commit to a day-long date at the very least. i'm looking for a serious relationship not just a date here and there. what's the best way to bring this up without making it sound like he's doing something wrong or that i'm expecting too much? or is this dating pace all ok, and i'm just being impatient? | am i [26/f] impatient or is relationship with [27/m] moving too slow? | 6jjr1g | "can i see you more often?" also, it's been seven weeks and you've seen each other a dozen times. do not define the relationship. do ask for what you want. | relationship_advice | 6jjr1g |
i am in a 1 year accelerated post bacc medical program. we have an exam every friday, 1-2 exams on monday a month. we meet to discuss cases (that don't really help the students learn the material imo) we have work for a managerial class as well as must study for another class that ties the information we are learning together. i've reached out to teachers when i struggling (upon their own advice) just to get wishy washy advice/anwers/belittled/brushed off etc. i have gotten to the point where i'm up all day worrying and studying yet at night, i can't sleep. i take 3 melatonin to get to sleep which i've never had a problem with before. my skin is bumpy and filled with lines and bags under my eyes. at least 5 of the students out of 12 in my program are reaching out to get mental help. i understand i signed up for this program but myself and many of my classmates did not expect for this to be as intense as it has. many of my classmates have turned to therapy/psychotropic drugs whenever they can to keep from taking drastic measures upon themselves due to the rigor of this program. is this normal? | is it normal to have to seek out mental therapy while in an academic program? | fgolkw | absolutely normal imo. school can be really stressful especially after undergrad. it’s a whole new level of things. the lack of sleep, poor eating habits, stress etc that come with student life are hell on your body and mental state. nothing abnormal about it, it’s just sadly part of academia. hang in there and go seek out a good therapist if you feel the need. :) edit: it’s also really common for schools to have a mental health clinic that is free or low cost for students. | mentalhealth | fgolkw |
this is coming right off the back of a meeting i just had with some social services type people about getting me into the workforce, so i'm still pretty chaffed about it. the phrase "meeting challenges head-on" was used, in the context of me getting the support or framework necessary in order for me to do so. i just got kind of pissed and started thinking about why we're expected to do things that are hard. i hate doing things that challenge me, and that don't flow relatively easily. in most cases, i'll still do them, but i don't get any feeling of satisfaction afterwards where i can big myself up and say well done. i'm just glad it's fucking over and never want to do it again. and kind of wish i hadn't in the first place. i understand self-improvement and development, etc., but it seems like it isn't acceptable to say no, i like my mediocrity just fine, thankyouverymuch. always striving for higher and further in the past has left me with a shit tonne of issues now, so i have zero desire to go down the path of challenges and rewards again. i'd much rather just stay with the status quo and coast along, without rocking the boat. is it so wrong to want an easy life, when things are so hard to begin with? [tl;dr](WEBLINK) | why should i have to be challenged, or "meet challenges head-on"? why can't i avoid them and go about my life? | 6e0qu1 | if you aren't growing your stagnating or dying. and both are bad | bpd | 6e0qu1 |
my issue is that i have no clue as to what the hell i want to do with my life. what's worse is that, the more i think about what would be perfect for me (in terms of careers), the more confused i become. sometimes i look around me at the people i graduated with, and see that they're already starting their careers, while i feel as though i am stagnant. does anyone ever have these feelings, and if so, how do you handle them? what resources are good for helping someone figure out what to do with their life, in order to feel fulfilled and happy with their career? perhaps this is one of those things where seeking a professional, whether it be a therapist, or career counselor would be the only appropriate course of action. i just don't know, though. i appreciate anyone's insight, advice, suggestions, and personal thoughts that they are willing to share with me. p.s. if this is the incorrect sub for this sort of thing, i would be more than happy to redirect this post to one that is more fitting for this sort of topic. thank you. | i'm a 21 year-old male who still has no clue what the hell my life purpose is, or what i should even do with it. i'm simply looking for resources/advice that will allow me to move in the right direction. | ez3fsr | what are some strengths that you have? what are some interests that you have? these are good questions to start. a career counselor is an excellent option for this. if you go to college, guaranteed there is one on campus. if not, expect to pay a fee. it can really help to have someone there to guide you and personalize advice for you and help you find options and resources. if that's not for you, have you tried taking any career assessments? [WEBLINK](WEBLINK) has one called "my next move" that can give you some ideas to start off with. take the interest profile on there and see what you get. it's also a big database of careers that stays up-to-date with current info, so there's a lot there to explore. a lot of career counselors use it themselves. obviously an internet test, even one that's been tested and researched heavily, can't account for everything in your life but it's a start! | advice | ez3fsr |
since i've been basically losing and gaining the same 5 - 7 pounds for months now, my md is suggesting qsymia to try to break the plateau. (which i hesitate to call it - i've only lost 15 lbs and have so much more to lose... makes zero sense). she wants me to stop taking metformin to start the qsymia. given that my massive weight gain, and difficulties losing weight (15 years of struggling) are likely due to insulin resistance, this makes no sense to me. interested to see if others have taken the combo or had weight loss without an insulin sensitizing agent. my pcos is pretty severe (gained 90 lbs in under six months when i was first diagnosed at age 18/19), lots of hair loss. i've reversed many of the secondary symptoms with diet. i've not missed a period since i came off of birth control pills 6 years ago, my skin is quite clear, not too much excess hair growth that isn't likely a product of hairy mediterranean ancestors... i don't have cysts on my ovaries anymore, have a normal fsh to lh ratio.... but weight loss has always eluded me. thanks, all. | qsymia + metformin - anyone taken the combo? | 6wjxvq | should specify - wondering if qsymia has worked without met for anyone. | pcos | 6wjxvq |
i was court ordered to attend aa. i don't like it. what bothers me most is the stupid sayings. i know aa helps people but i don't think i belong there. i'm not trying to troll. if aa works for you, that's great. i am mad to have this forced on me. i was wondering what you think of this video. i agree with everything in it. it would be great to hear some different opinions. maybe it will help me get through ther next year. thanks. WEBLINK | aa question | 1nh71z | this video is the essence of trolling. sorry you fucked up. wish you the best in life. | stopdrinking | 1nh71z |
i saw a study online claiming that a specific part of weed can help to treat ocd. | can weed help ocd? | 50w0yq | woah. one study doesn't mean its proved (one way or another). personally id be extremely sceptical that it would be of significant benefit over established treatments. | askdocs | 50w0yq |
age: 52 height: 5'0 weight: \~150 diagnoses: cirrhosis for many years (continues to drink), pancreatitis, barrett's esophagus (most recent diagnosis \~2 years ago), enlarged heart ​ i'm just trying to figure out what i can expect for my mom. thanks. | what does the presence of fetor hepaticus mean for the brain? | b3u1u0 | fetor hepaticus is a late symptom of liver failure; it means that the liver is not working to the point that blood is bypassing it and toxins that would normally be removed by the liver are circulating to the lungs and being expelled with breath. one of the chemicals that builds up is ammonia, which is toxic to brain function and causes hepatic encephalopathy. that's the medical term for confusion, delirium, and reduced consciousness because of brain dysfunction. liver damage is a little bit unpredictable, and there are other reasons for bad or strange breath smells besides fetor hepaticus, but if the smell has changed it's important for her to get to a liver doctor and try to preserve liver function. and stop drinking, because ultimately the only treatment for liver failure is a transplant, and active drinking gets in the way of getting listed for transplantation. good luck to you and your mom. liver disease can be very hard to watch, especially if it's in a loved one who isn't doing what you would want to recover or at least stabilize. | askdocs | b3u1u0 |
because i don't have the career i want. because i don't have someone special, never really have, and don't think i ever will at times. because i don't have the self love i should have. because i'm not at the weight i want to be. but i will be okay! it's normal to hurt and feel pain and i'm slowly, oh so slowly, remembering its a part of life. i don't have the career i want at 28, but i returned to school to work towards that. all my relationships sucked and didn't make three months, but i went about them wrong and during this trying time now i really have to stay single and discover who i am without the substance abuse! self love will come. i'm actively working toward becoming the person i want to be and i will love her with all my heart. it's gonna happen. weight loss will come as well. it is on the table and i am making little changes. i skipped meat yesterday, i hit the gym on mondays, and well there's also not drinking. all of it will come in due time. these feelings happen and i accept them. thanks for reading, i just needed to write this out and i feel loads better. | sometimes it feels like all i have is my sobriety. | 8h8126 | youre ongoing sobriety will give you increased confidence to do the other things. | stopdrinking | 8h8126 |
have a college aged son who is taking pre-calculus and doing seriously well in class. this has never happened before -- he did well in high school, then had seizures, had to adjust to anti-epileptic drugs, and did poorly his senior year. rough time for him. he had two years of college, and had to leave because [like many] he just didn't have enough executive function ability. son is home now, did poorly in community college one semester, but has gone off of anti-epileptic drugs [hasn't had a seizure in 3+ years], and is doing really well this semester. he will be doing homework, and will hit one question that stumps him, but will not ask his dad (who is great at math) for help. it also doesn't occur to him to try and google how to work the problem. he just plows on, getting further and further into the mess of the problem, but not figuring anything out. i don't think he wants to avoid asking his father for help out of shame, or anything negative -- i just think it doesn't occur to him to either ask for help, or even to skip the problem and go on to other problems that he can easily do. do you do this? have you done this? if so, what did you do to get yourself out of this endless loop of not asking for help? | college-aged son doesn't think to ask for help when he's stumped by a question in math | 638bie | you mentioned it is probably not out of shame but seeing that it was really strong in his class he may not have ever had to ask for help before. it is possible he may be trying to see if he can solve the program himself. i found that in subjects in which i am usually strong, i am less likely to ask for help since i just assume it is a harder to problem to solve. not that i dont have the ability...however that is when sometimes i need someone to just step in and say "hey, i noticed you were struggling, do you need any help?" | adhd | 638bie |
i've had depression and anxiety since age 11 and i'm 19 now. i've always had mild delusional thoughts, the opposite of grandeur. i've been told that these thoughts are delusional by people on reddit in the past. thoughts such as "everyone hates me and i don't deserve to live" plague my mind almost constantly. but a different kind of delusion has been bothering me for a while now. i've had intrusive thoughts of people being able to see through my curtains (they're thick black curtains), and there's always someone watching me. it's ridiculous when i think about it but i can't help but believe it when the delusions happen. not just that. delusions aren't half of the story. my sense of time is skewed and i often find myself wondering how a month has passed when it only feels like a day. what have i been doing, have i been blacked out for the entire month? i know time goes by quickly but at this level it's just ridiculous. just in the past few months since december i've been becoming increasingly withdrawn, even more withdrawn than i have been my entire life before. i can't speak to someone without my voice cracking. when i walk i feel very unsteady. i can't be out in public without looking like i broke out of asylum because i can't stop laughing and smiling when i'm walking on the street alone, having intrusive thoughts about strangers that seem funny to me at the time. fuck, what's happening to me? please tell me i'm not the only one going through this because i feel like i'm going insane. even though i'm depressed and demotivated i still feel the need to fulfill a lifelong ambition that seems more difficult to attain the further i fall into mental illness. i need help but i'm already seeing a psychiatrist and things are only getting worse. | i might be becoming delusional, or something more, i don't know. | 4nnm7e | please discuss this with a psychiatrist (medical doctor, not just a psychologist or other talk therapist). depressions can include psychotic symptoms such as you are describing, and psychiatric medications can be of assistance apart from and in addition to psychotherapy. the losing time you describe (dissociation) is not typical of depression or psychosis per se and may indicate some other complexity about your case. are you drinking alcohol? that can produce dissociation, and it is also common when there is a history of trauma or abuse. please seek some professional help. edit - discuss all these symptoms with your psychiatrist if you haven't. the whole picture is necessary in order to get the medications right. | depression | 4nnm7e |
so i’m 38 and this woman is probably no older than 25. she works the window at a sandwich shop i get food from occasionally. i used to go there a lot and my dog would sit on my lap in the driver’s seat until she passed away. everyone got to know me as the dude with the pug. one girl has always been ultra friendly to me. nothing creepy, just saying things like, “omg it’s so nice to see you again” when any other customer would probably just get a “here is your food”. i’ve also seen her driving around town in the delivery vehicle for the shop and she always beams with excitement and waves at me when she sees me. like that little kid from the .gif who realized his dad was the one driving the train. she’s very attractive, bubbly, cute, and is probably a comic book nerd, i don’t know why i assume this because i’ve only ever seen her in her uniform, but i bet she plays more video games than the entire cast of the big bang theory. i am flattered and it’s nice to know that someone thinks you’re attractive or whatever, but i really am an awful person that really should not be in a relationship with anyone. i’m not abusive or anything, i’m just severely depressed, can’t handle when people show me empathy, and have a terminal illness. i’m leaving the country in about a month and would like to still get sandwiches and maybe chat her up and let her know that if i am interpreting her signals correctly, that i’m flattered but unfortunately i am leaving so we couldn’t pursue anything. i’m not interested in just a physical thing because emotions always end up getting involved in those situations anyway. so how do i approach this? i’d hate to leave the country for ever and have this woman thinking “where did he go?” i’d also like to tell her i’m flattered if i’m correct in my assumptions, but that she could do way better than me and that if the circumstances were different i.e. i didn’t have a brain tumor or wasn’t clinically depressed, that i would at least go on a date to see if we had anything in common. i’m no good at talking to people let alone communicating with someone i’m in a relationship with. thanks for any advice. i really don’t want to just vanish on her because i can tell that on days that i do stop in, she makes an effort to be the one who helps me, and she does light up which is actually quite beautiful. | i know that a woman is interested in me but i don’t have any interest in her, how can i politely let her know that it’s not going to happen? | 7vmza2 | you don’t need to say anything to her unless she asks you out, in which case a simple “thanks, but i can’t,” will suffice. if you want to tell her you’re leaving: “just wanted to let you know i’m leaving the country for the foreseeable future. it’s been nice getting to know you!” will work. please spare her the monologue you’ve drafted in your head and go tell it to a therapist. | relationship_advice | 7vmza2 |
i can't even explain it i just feel like what i feel doesn't really matter. what i fear is irrelevant. and that sooner or later everyone will go. i cannot rely on anyone but myself. my parents are dysfunctional enabler/malignant narcissist. my family is nuts (not an exaggeration see my post history). i ride on my boyfriend's coattails. i have no friends anymore. i don't even know how to make friends. if my so broke up with me i'd be alone and sometimes i don't get why he's with me when he could be with someone more like him who suits him better and can make him happier. why does it even matter. | i feel like all my emotions and feelings are meaningless | 6l4u2h | they aren't meaningless but they could be the result of you looking through a negative lens. it can distort how you feel. one of the tenants of dbt is opposite action, doing the opposite of what you feel in that moment. the idea being our initial feelings and thoughts are irrational and will need to catch up to our actions. | bpd | 6l4u2h |
okay. so, my gf and i have known each other for about two years, and have been together for about a year and a half. when i left for college (she is a hs senior now, i am a college freshman), we had the talk (tm) about where we were going. at that point, we loved each other a lot and we wanted to end up together. she proposed that we could try some sort of open relationship, and see how that worked out. my gf was previously in an extremely emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that she broke off shortly before we became a thing. she has what seem to me to be symptoms of serious depression (insomnia, crying all the time, even sometimes when we're together even though she says she's happiest when she's with me), and recently she's told me that she doesn't feel like going on, that everyone would be better off without her. i've recognized that she needs help for almost a year now, and i've been pushing to get her into therapy. she recognizes that she needs help, but in any sort of serious conversation with anyone but me, and even sometimes with me, she bursts into tears. she is terrified of talking to people, she cannot talk on the phone, and she doesn't really have any close friends/support group outside of me. in addition, she has a younger brother who runs away all the time, smokes and drinks, etc etc, and he occupies center stage in the family (single mother). my gf's mother says she knows my gf needs therapy, and has called many therapy agencies, but it always ends the same way. they say they have assigned a therapist to my gf, that the therapist will call to set up an appointment within a week, but this call never comes. this has happened as far as i can tell four times at two different agencies. i know she needs help, i am terrified of hurting her further after all she's gone through in her life. sometimes she seems okay (we talk over text, and i visit home to see her every other weekend) but other times she spirals and i just don't know what i can do to help her. now to what's come up. we had talked extensively about open relationship stuff, especially me finding a fwb at college to take care of me sexually when we weren't together. my gf is also attracted to girls, so we talk a lot about me finding a "third" to bring back to her. a few nights ago, one of my friends came in from a party down the hall and said that this girl (who i've thought was attractive since i first saw her, and had kind of a crush on her) said that i was the "hottest guy on the floor". i mustered my not-being-an-awkward-piece-of-crap and went over to the party, talked to her a bit, got her number, and asked her over to watch a movie the following night. she had never done the relationship thing, i was the first person she ever made out with, etc, and it was amazing. there was alcohol involved but nothing happened until about two hours after the last drink. i explained my situation to her and she said she was open minded and okay with me being in an open relationship, as long as my gf was okay with it, and i showed her the text that said "this is my formal confirmation that i am giving you permission for anything :p". so we made out, cuddled, etc, pants stayed on, shirts came off. so the girl down the hall does not know what she wants, she said definitely not a real relationship, which would be good as far as i can tell. she is still deciding what she wants. i told her "just know that i don't expect anything from you, and i would be fine with being just friends if that's what you decide, but i definitely enjoyed last night", and she replied "wow you're [sic] gf is so lucky [cryinghappyfaceemoji]" "i'll let you know what i decide [smilingblushfaceemoji]". this was yesterday morning and i've been compulsively checking my phone for a text from her. my gf and i had a long, tough conversation around the same time, over text, which basically came down to she feels useless and that everyone would be better off without her. i didn't know what to say, so i tried to comfort her, and we ended up deciding to step our relationship down a notch to some sort of close-friends-who-care-about-each-other-and-also-still-love-each-other-although-she-probably-needs-and-wants-me-more-than-i-need-and-want-her with benefits. i'm not going to say it was an entirely mutual decision, we arrived at that unspoken point in the conversation if that makes any sense, she voiced it, i took some time to think about it, and ultimately said that i thought that might be best for right now. i think there is a large chance i am making or have already made a huge mistake that has the potential to destroy my relationship with my gf (which has been suffering because i am her only support group, it's a lot of pressure, ldr, things get kind of stale, etc.). aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. the thing is, the girl down the hall is amazing, she's really cute, and she's new and exciting and i can't stop thinking about her. i don't know if i just needed to vent, but any advice would be welcomed. there's... a lot that i've left out in the interest of keeping this a manageable length, but i think what i have written includes the most important details. if there's any other relevant information that would help, i'd be glad to add. sorry for the long post, if you've made it this far you deserve a thumbs up and a firm handshake. | i [19m] and my gf [18/f] of two years agreed to open relationship.. something [f/18] has come up, and i need advice. | 61s6wy | open relationships seldom work. monogamy is too ingrained in our culture and psychological upbringing. | relationship_advice | 61s6wy |
who is loving the zoom aa meetings? i am their fabulous | zoom aa meetings | fn3a3d | how do you find these meetings anyways? never used zoom and have no idea how to use it lol. i feel like this is something i would really benefit from | redditorsinrecovery | fn3a3d |
me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years now but are now in our final year of school before university. so far our relationship has been amazing, we get along so well and have had pretty much no problems or arguments whatsoever over the 2 years! we are very much in love and have completely happy with our relationship, i honestly would not change a thing! but next year we are both going off to university. if we end up at separate universities we have agreed that we will definitely break up as long distance things like that never work out, but there is also a chance that we will end up at the same university. however, i am not sure if i want to carry on next year even if we end up at the same uni! i kind of want to be able to experience uni life to the fullest, and am looking forward to meeting new people. i can't help but worry that we will end up breaking up messily we meet other people? i also feel like i want to be able to meet and pursue relationships with new people, who are very different to me. part of me also (very guiltily) wants to be "free for freshers" as i have been in a relationship for so long! overall i am torn between staying with an amazing girlfriend whom i love, or taking a plunge into uni life and being free to make new relationships and meet new people. i am just worried about throwing something special away for impulsive desires, but also worries that i am tying myself down too early on in life! thank you so much for taking the time to read this and give any advice you have, it is very appreciated! | do i (17m) break up with my girlfriend of 2 years (18f) for university next year? | 5kmxj8 | you have to decide if you're ready to commit. everything follows from that, even long distance. | relationship_advice | 5kmxj8 |
my (new) husband has been looking for a job for just about a year now. he is well educated but in a fairly niche field. he has enough $ for living expenses but soon is going to have to get a part time job or something until he finds a career. he doesn't want to admit this. so, i'm not really looking for job search advice, more "how do i be a supportive partner." i want to make sure he's not giving up working on applications and everything else, but also don't want him feeling so down about himself. i don't want to ask too much about it because then it feels like i'm nagging, but i also want to know and help because i do resume revisions professionally, for instance. any advice? | how do i 32(f) support my husband 33(m) as he looks and looks for a job? | 6y8not | i'm in a strikingly similar situation with my boyfriend. we started dating about a year ago and he was laid off soon after. since then it's been a struggle between feeling increasingly irritated and apprehensive about his inability to secure a well paying full time job, and feeling supportive and helpful and helping him look and even apply at times when he's at work (he took up a minimum wage job to pay his bills). it's a struggle for sure. being the bread winner is hard. the only advice i have is to remember to take care of yourself. it's okay to set limits and tell him that you need him to put in more effort. this is your life together. but also remember that this is largely not his fault. i'm sure if he was offered a job he would take it. the market seems to be difficult for people with niche type jobs. and remember how frustrated your husband must feel too. it's a balance between motivating and supporting. hope that helps and good luck. i feel your struggle. edit: typo | relationship_advice | 6y8not |
i recently quit smoking and drinking. now, i'm feeling tired all the time. my brain feels foggy like it's working way more slowly than it should. plus, i don't feel energized from caffeine anymore, and i feel sad all the time. also, i find it really difficult to sleep at night even though i wake up early to work out. would amphetamines be something that could help me? if so, who can i talk to in order to have them prescribed to me? also i'm a 21 year old male. | do i have depression that could be fixed with prescription amphetamines? | 56fhbt | give it time. if it hasn't resolved, a trial of antidepressants might be useful (or computerised cbt: www.moodgym.org). agree with others, amphetamines aren't evidenced to be of long term benefit, and i doubt it's in your best interests anyway. | askdocs | 56fhbt |