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in arguments with my husband, i tend to push him away. i rarely feel good enough for him so i try to convince him to move on. he always fight for me, though, and end up holding me and promising we'll be okay and so will i. it's gotten to the point that he's done bc i won't fight for him the same way he does for me. i want to so bad. i want him to know i do. but i can't show it bc of thoughts. they yell at me that i'm holding him back. we've gone a break now so i can find myself again. how do i fight for him? how do i make myself better? | my low self esteem and sadness keeps getting in the way of my marriage | 6ar6ha | therapy. medications. finding sources of happiness in your own life so you don't tail off into despair. | relationship_advice | 6ar6ha |
take a stroll around the house in slow motion. it really helps! just a tip guys and gals. | when anxiety strikes... walk slower. | efvvp5 | do everything slower and with intention. | anxiety | efvvp5 |
if somebody had told me early on, here's the deal... you'll have some laughs, some false courage, some relief from pain, some crazy social interactions, some good loose jams, but... you'll also have weight problems, acid reflux, horrible fights, unexplained injuries, missed days of life and work, occasional nasty gross nights and mornings, and drastically reduced self esteem... i would have never signed up. if drinks at the bar came with the same warning (i'm laughing at the idea of the friendly voice telling you all the possible side effects real quick like a prescription drug tv spot) , it might prevent new recruits. the beautiful thing is, there is an opt-out clause. iwndwyt | buying the whole package | dud1go | love this thread. and so true that the info is out there but not readily available. for example, maybe it’s bc i come from a family of hard drinkers, but i didn’t even know until like three years ago that alcohol is linked to cancer. i mean, duh, right? but in my family, we talked about cigarettes and cancer, not alcohol and cancer. and if mom and dad are downing 5-6 drinks a day and are both in the healthcare profession, well, they must be pretty sure it’s safe, right? also, i maybe learned in health class like 25 years ago that alcoholic beverages are watered down ethanol which is literally poison, but until i listened to this naked mind, i had handily buried that gem somewhere in my brain. it’s amazing how we delude ourselves. | stopdrinking | dud1go |
hi, i went to a psychiatrist a few weeks back and given medication for anxiety along with a referral for therapy. i really liked the psychiatrist- he seemed to very accurately catch my though processes and talk about them. it was only after the appointment that i realized that he does not do therapy and someone else would be seeing me from the clinic for therapy. (new to us and did not know that psychiatrists do not do therapy, you have to shop around separately for therapist and psychiatrist) i met the therapist today, and although she is very nice and very non-judgmental, i felt her solutions were not effective for me. we discussed ocd that i have arising from my anxiety. i have pretty bad, almost incapacitating ocd in that under high stress situations most of my time is spent in doing irrational rituals (example: if i get turbulence in flights i have to a lot of stupid actions or the plane will go down according to me.) her response, word for word, was "realize that these are feelings, everyone has feelings, fear is also a feeling. you need to let these feelings pass. you need to think to yourself that everything is going to be okay. you need to think that the universe is has a plan for you and is guiding you." i don't know how i am going to put this into something more practical that i can do everytime ocd strikes me. and i do not agree with 'universe has a plan' etc thinking, at least not from a therapist. now i am worried and feeling like i am never gonna get better. please help me understand what i need to do. | [us] worried about my therapist choices, please help me understand how to ensure i am not paying for something ineffective | 85kx0h | if you have a diagnosis from your psychiatrist that says you have ocd, then you should definitely get a therapist who specializes in that diagnosis. ask your therapist whether she does this, and then ask what her treatment plan is. i do not specialize in that area, but my understanding is that exposure therapy is usually called for. ask her about that. see [this](WEBLINK) for further info. at the very least she should be doing some kind of cbt with you;l and should be comfortable talking about/developing a plan *with you as a team* to treat your symptoms. hope this helps! good luck. | mentalhealth | 85kx0h |
i feel like my boyfriend likes my younger sister more than me. i am 23 years old, my sister is 13 years old and my boyfriend is 26 years old and we are dating for almost 2 years now. i know, it is ridiculous to be jealous of my sister, who is still kid. but ever since i introduced my boyfriend to my sister, she is kind of obsessed with him. she talks about him all the time, how great guy he is etc. and he reinforces that by taking all three of us to cinema or other kid friendly events frequently, to see kids movies. he also gives her expensive gifts for good grades or birthday and generally is being really sweet with her. sometimes, i feel like he likes her even more than me and that they are more happier together than we are in the relationship. i told him how i feel, that sometimes it looks like he likes my little sister more than me, and he just shrugged it off that she is like a daughter-in-law to him, and he wants to be good to her. i am afraid that one day, those feelings may develop into something more between them and then he will leave me for her. am i over-reacting? do i see problems where there are none? what should i do? | [23/f]i am jealous of my younger sister[13/f] and bf [26/m] | 5v3wws | this *could* be a potential issue; it's all a matter of degree. normal for her to be infatuated, but not normal if he is *too* interested in her. | relationship_advice | 5v3wws |
i've been with my fiance for 5 years, i'm 26 he is 32. throughout the years he's made comments about wishing i'd dye my hair blonde, go tanning, wear skimpier clothing. when i try on a new outfit for him, he'll say " put your hair down, take your glasses off" and after i do that he'll tell me how good i look. these comments throughout the years have made me feel inadequate. am i being overly sensitive? is this a normal male response? it's hard for me to understand it because i think he looks great in whatever he wears/styles his hair. he says i'm "sexy/hot" very often, i wish he would say beautiful. please tell me if i'm being overly sensitive, i would love it if the problem lies with me rather than him. i just feel as though maybe i'm a sex object to him..help please | advice please! | 63osr2 | you're a sex object to him. you are not inadequate. he is immature and sexist. dress the way you want. if he's that shallow i'd ask yourself why you're with him. | relationship_advice | 63osr2 |
i live in houston and was looking for a local support group and every single one meet at churches. i'm not religious at all and i'd rather not go to a support group that's gonna try and force me to look into god for healing my depression. | are support groups always religious based? | 6n68g6 | no. even some at churches are not religious-based (but you are right to be worries about it). many support groups just desperately need a place to operate free of cost and do so at churches. many are also religious-based... so it's hard to know | suicidewatch | 6n68g6 |
long story short, my father walked in on my choking the chicken in my room and now i'm grounded. now this has been a reoccurring theme throughout my entire life. since the earlier years of my childhood i have been constantly getting scolded by my father for doing it. well, i could sort of understand it when i was young, but now i'm about to turn 18 in a few months and he still thinks it's extremely taboo. i'm getting tired of not being able to freely vent my sexual frustrations. i feel like i'm the one having to be the mature party about it since he doesn't even seem to be willing to consider my standpoint. for christ sake, what percentage of teenage boys don't masturbate? this last time, i told him "dad, everyone does it. i'm 17." he just sat there and looked at my in disbelief. i mean i know sometimes i can be pretty apathetic but is this really that big of a deal? someone please give me some advice here. | i (17m) am being punished for masturbating by my (50m) father (again). | 73qaqv | just be more discreet. you should never be in a situation where he could walk in on you. | relationship_advice | 73qaqv |
my family lives in apartment complex on the east coast and we have a two year old. the downstairs neighbor keeps pounding on our ceiling because the way my son walks. he likes to run everywhere instead of walk and they said when i went down to talk to them that they want to enjoy their space and they can't with the noise and we shouldn't be living in an apartment. he also insulted my parenting style for allowing this. we've talked to management and they said the guy and his husband are crazy for pounding on our ceiling but told us to take care of it. it's stressing out my pregnant wife and i am about to explode with rage. also, they will often play music late at night that's loud enough for me to hear the lyrics (and still the music with noise cancelling headphones on)and feel it pulsating while sitting on the couch. i have video evidence of this from 10pm two fridays ago they pound on our ceilings at noon on a weekday. it's bullshit. what should i do? | neighbor pounding on our walls because our two year old. | 73cmbc | i think your neighbors suck and are being unreasonable. and anytime you hear a peep from them you should complain. that being said can you buy floor mats or something to cushion the floor so you don't have to worry about it so much? | advice | 73cmbc |
basically this has been bothering me for a week and i'm at a loss of what to do, so i thought why not look to the internet? lately i feel like i'm pulling away from my boyfriend and i have not even the slightest clue why. i love him to death so it honestly makes no since to me. we used to talk all the time but recently we just sit in this awkward silents, i've tried talking to him about it but his response is always "there's nothing to talk about." however that's not the main thing, whenever he tries to hold my hand or hug me i just pull away, same thing when he tries to cuddle or tickle me (these are things i used to love when he'd do them). i haven't had alone time in the 8 months we've been dating and i don't know if that's the problem or what. i love him to death so i cant understand why i'm doing this. i honestly need any advice i can get, i've hardly gotten sleep this week due to stress. thank you for reading please help. | i feel like i'm pulling away? advice needed | 5p0kj0 | you have to soul search and think about every aspect of your relationship then and now. sometimes it helps to write a list of 10 important aspects of the relationship, and give it a score from 1-10, then and now. you'll then identify the trouble spots. | relationship_advice | 5p0kj0 |
ok, so this is a really long and wild story but i'm going to make it really short. i haven't seen my biological in 15 years, which is quite a long time. i'm going to meet him tomorrow along with a sibling of mine, who is also his child. the main reason i'm posting here is because i don't know what to talk about with him or how to even act. should i be nice and polite? should i go off what i'm feeling and be bitchy? i don't want to hurt him but at the same time i want him to know how i felt. any advice will help. | i'm meeting my father, whom i haven't seen in 15 years | 5yq97x | if you are interested in a relationship, than be polite as you would with any new person. if you like him, and you both want to build a relationship, then you'll have plenty of time to address the past. | advice | 5yq97x |
hey everyone. i am a 21yr old female here. i smoked since i was 15 and stopped a month ago. a month ago, this happened one night: i went to bed to sleep and suddenly i became very lightheaded. i became so cold i was shaking, then warm, then cold again and so on. i had numbness all over my body and i really thought that was how death feels like. of course, my dad took me to the er and they came up with nothing just gave me diazepam to calm me down. my blood pressure was 120/80 and i did ekg and it was normal. but things got worse when i came home. i got more weak and nauseous, and still was in cold sweats all over. then my thoughts became disordered (like talking in your sleep) and i had mental confusion. i fell asleep thinking i was already dead. when i woke up, i realised i stayed alive. (not funny hahaha) i decided to stop smoking. ever since then i have that, on and off feeling of shortness of breath, dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, cold sweat then warm as hell, then cold again etc. sometimes everything is okay then all of a sudden i become extremely tired and then come the shivers and mental confusion, heart beating hard and so. doctors put me on b12 pills and bosaurin (diazepam) 1x1 and it still happens frequently. i got blood tests done and they are okay. can anybody help? what to do? what to get checked? | doctors keep ignoring me saying i just have a vitamin b12 deficiency and i'm desperate | bmn6j9 | for that to be symptoms of b12 deficiency you would need to be profoundly deficient for a long time. unless you have been strictly vegan for years or have another reason, it's rare to have that level of deficiency. milder deficiency is worth treating but rarely causes any symptoms. what you describe could be any number of other things, but the most common is probably panic attacks. it's worth talking to the doctor who is treating you and doing these assessments about what his or her understanding is. if there isn't another cause, seeing a psychiatrist might be helpful. among other things, regular use of diazepam is neither the most effective management nor a great idea long-term. | askdocs | bmn6j9 |
3 years ago i asked the most wonderful girl to be my girlfreind, and for 2 years it was great. or so i thought. around march last year (2016) i broke up with her. my reasoning at the time, to her, was "i think were too young to be thinking of a serious relationship" (17/m and 16/f). i was scared, she often spoke about our dream house and our dream this and that and it scared me. i thought of all the girls and fun times ill miss out on, relationships simply pinning me down. i also thought id stopped loving her, this 'feeling' had gone, you know that butterfly feeling. but i stilled loved her, not that i knew this at that point, i still messaged her and met her and ect ect, nothing really changed except i was "playing the feild" and talking to other girls. trying to find the things i was missing out on. only by september/october id gotten bored of playing the feild, none of the girls compared to her, i never met any of these girls but i messaged them and flirted but i never really got anywhere nor did i really try to. so i was happy, we were still messaging and meeting and sharing good times, but i still thought i didnt love her. we both grew as people which was great, i got more of my life together (prolog: i didnt even shower daily, i didnt care about my apperance i didit workout or even eat right, i was smoking alot of weed, skipping school, taking rittalin, doing all nighters on school days, not revising for my as exams((which i failed and have to resit)) ) i was a fucking loser, she deserved wayyyyyyyyy better than me and im fully awear of the cunt i was. but i changed that, my grades are on track, my diet and fitness are on track, im smoking a significatlly less amout weed, im saving and managing money better and all round ive got my life together (ps i clean now). january rolls around and i start trying to face my demons, i faced depression since i was 13, but aroung 14 i blocked it out, stopped feeling. because it was better to feel nothing than feel depressed. but somthing changed and i started to feel my depression again, but i also felt other emotions, i was happy sometimes, i cared about things and although most of the time i was still depressed i was glad i could feel again, because now id rarther deal with it head on than trying to push it to the side. at the same time i realsied how much of a loser, cunt and lowlife i was, and just how unbelivebly lucky i am to have such and amazing person by my side. but this is where i need the advice... i love her. and i know that now, i know i never stopped loving her i was just lost, confused whatever you want to say, i was not making good decison in life at that point. but shes over me, shes ready to move on with her life, she doesnt need me, we stopped intercourse (by her request) and thats what made me realise i was losing her. she speaks of this other guy, hes a wonderful person and brilliant in every way. hes good to her, and she more comfortable with him as a freind than me, she swear shed never go out with him but she does want intercourse. which in my eyes is a recipie for a relationship. i cant stand the thought of her with someone else, even in a non romatic way. i love her so much. but my own stupidity has brought me here. i know its not right that i ask for her back, you cant mess with someone like that. but i cant help how i feel and i love her so much. so i came to the conclusion that i have 2 options. 1) i stick with her, meeting her and speaking to her and falling deeper in love with her before eventually getting hurt by her and someone else. or 2) i bite the bullet and leave her, never speakinf or seeing her again. after plenty of thought i decied option 2 was the only way for me to be less hurt whilst letting her get on with life. but i cant, i physically cant stop messgainf her, i love her and want her in my life. and she wants me in hers but just not in the same way. im torn reddit and have no fucking clue what to do... please help. - thank you x | heart break or heart touture? | 5pzmj8 | you have a lot on your plate. would help to see a therapist. | relationship_advice | 5pzmj8 |
as a male with bpd do you feel your symptoms show differently than a female with bpd? in what ways? more/less anger, aggression, narcissism traits, etc. | male bpd | 9w4hio | it's harder to act out sexually but that didn't stop me | bpd | 9w4hio |
i don't really know her, but she's a single mom who we watched slowly slip back into alcoholism. she went to rehab for only a couple of weeks, but she's back, and i'm totally impressed at her 180. i just saw her bringing in a ton of good food and things for her son. i want to compliment her, but i thought of instead maybe dropping off a gift card on her doorstep from the neighborhood. is that weird? i know that people in her situation could use support and encouragement, but i'm really socially awkward. | my neighbor just got back from rehab, how to i compliment her on how far she's come? | 4ey6dc | i mean you know your neighbor better than we do. you have a better sense of how social she is than we do. just be kind and nice. offer your support. the real question is... why are you asking us this? why did you decide to post this on reddit? something like this seems so simple. unless it's not simple to you. if you want to get to know her, just get to know her. but don't use her struggles with addiction as an opportunity to get advice on how to talk to a girl. | mentalhealth | 4ey6dc |
i've been through some really dark shit in my life. until now i've just kept it all to myself, i've felt like a freak, everyone just looks so pristine and spotless sometimes. i'm trying to not feel like a freak anymore. i don't want to feel like a freak anymore. i want to talk to people about my life honestly and hopefully find that big bucket of compassion that's rumored to be out there somewhere. but my roommates are having trouble understanding me, if you could just please read my few paragraphs and give me advice for how i can get along with people and everyone, i don't even know. please read this for me. i'm a depressed person, and it's something that i was born into. i can't say that i have depression or that i'm diagnosed with it, like it's some external part of me, like me with a side of depression, no. i am a depressed person, all the time, and i've been a depressed person all my life. if i'm to really spill my beans here i was bullied really badly when i was little, but what made it devastating was how my parents treated it. they couldn't even find the time in their schedules to listen to me tell them how much pain i was in. while never directly addressing what was going on in my life, they just told me that when i encounter pain i should do whatever i needed to do to get by, and that mattered most of all. so i grew up really thinking that the natural order of things was to feel partly dead inside. (my parents are the son and daughter of holocaust survivors. i try not to blame them. they were born into the lives of their parents too.) in the combination of being bullied and being emotionally isolated i've become very suspicious of people's good intentions. most interactions in school were about asserting social dominance, and even if people weren't trying to outright attack someone, you still had to cope with a world where people will socially attack and harm you. the friendships you made had extremely little to do with liking the other person and genuinely wanting to be with them but were really about the social protection that they could offer you. over time i started to see people as just walking social resources. really devoid of humanity and personality and instead just social markers of acceptability, height, weight, good looking, hobbies, number of friends, access to the party scene. even though i'm doing a decent job here, it's really hard to talk about what it was like, i'm so scared of really going back there. now i'm just trying to dig myself out of the hole that's been my life. i've been upset and afraid and running for so long i don't even know how much pain there is in me, i've just repressed it all. i've been diagnosed with depression and ptsd, whenever a scary thought comes up i curse myself out until it goes away, sometimes outloud. i don't have too much control over it. my roommates hear me, they know something's up with me, but i think they're wondering how deep the rabbit hole goes and how crazy i actually am. it makes daily life really hard. i can't use my kitchen because i'm afraid if i show my face around them they're just going to think i'm more nuts. i just can't help but be nuts so it feels like anything i say is a bad decision. and they're redditors too, is the funny thing. geeks. whovians. browncoats. the things i would sacrifice myself for. whatever little social capital i had anyway. is there any way i can be honest with people about who i am and what i've been through? | is there any way i can be honest with people about who i am and what i've been through in everyday life? | 1aeiy0 | well, i'm assuming that you're talking about takling to your friends and family, not a therapist, correct? although, talking to a psychologist would definitely help in terms of an outlet. as for friends and family, there are people that care about you. this is true for everyone on the planet. and because they care about you, they'll be willing to help you. i'd ease them into it, and tell them that it's really important that you get it out. and then see what happens. | ptsd | 1aeiy0 |
hey i take beta blockers and phenibut on a regular basis. only at low doses. yesterday i took 10mg of bisoprolol and around 2 grams of phenibut. during the day i felt my heart rate was rather low at around 50-60bpm and i felt very weird and dissociated. when i went home i felt better and went to bed and today i feel absolutely awful. my heart rate is normal and my blood pressure is normal but i fear that i have given myself brain damage from reduced cerebral blood flow and am now contemplating suicide again. can anyone clarify what happened? thanks | beta blocker and phenibut brain damage? | 543uyo | looked at your post history. why are you taking this drug - it's not licenced in australia to the best of my knowledge. | askdocs | 543uyo |
hello, reddit. i'm looking for advice on how to overcome my psychological problems and roadblocks. i've tried to summarize them below, and i'd be really grateful for any piece of advice you can offer - books, guidelines, personal experience, subreddits, other resources, whatever. any input you can give is important to me. i know seeking professional psychiatric treatment would be the best course of action, but i just can't afford it right now. so, most if not all of my problems stem from me comparing myself with others, inferring my worth from such comparisons, and my perfectionistic streak. also, my problems are mostly about my interaction with other people, in other aspects of my life i'm doing okay. i suspect these tendencies developed in my childhood - my parents always taught me to be the best, and i distinctly remember them saying that i should learn from other people's mistakes rather then making my own. i also never went to kindergarten, which i think set me back in my social skills somewhat. my social anxiety also became apparent pretty early - i can remember some of these problems manifesting at age 5-6. but i'm no psychiatrist, so i'm not going to try and over-analyze my childhood, this is just some background for you. i'm 24 now, and over the past year i've become more acceptive of myself, more forgiving for any imperfections, strong enough to try and change my life for the better. **the problems and anxieties that i could identify in myself:** * i always feel scrutinized, judged, like i have to perform well. communication, work, appearance - i always feel like i have a standard to uphold. * consequently, i feel like most other people are able to judge me, i feel the need to defend against them. i can begin to feel uncomfortable even if the person in question is not in a position to judge me, has no ground to criticize me, and their criticism can't affect me anyway. so, this isn't linked to how much weight or consequence their criticism will hold, but more to their demeanor and behavior. someone who looks stern or judging can make me uncomfortable - for example, someone at work who should be answering to me, but is sullen and uncommunicative, or a stern-looking woman in public transport who i don't even communicate with. in both of these examples the person can have basically no effect on my life, yet i felt nonplussed by them. this also happens with people whose opinion is important to me. * i often feel like i'm on the defensive - i hold myself somewhat guarded, i use a lot of defensive expressions such as "in my opinion", "i think so", "i guess", "probably", and so on. * i'm always comparing myself with other people, and i get really defensive and guarded in a conversation if there is someone in the group whom i automatically identify as superior in some important aspect (demeanor, masculinity, sense of humor, activity in the conversation, appearance). * i'm very quiet in groups of people i don't know well. most people that i know are able to get along easier in such situations. the more i stay quiet, the more anxious i get about being alienated from the group. the last two times i was in the company of lesser-known people someone commented on how quiet i am, which didn't help my self-esteem much. **some other things that bother me about myself:** * sometimes, if i see a person trying to achieve results that i can relate to (get a job in my field of expertise, get some rank in a video game i play) i automatically wish for them to fail, even if i harbor no bad feelings to that person. the reasoning behind this is that if they succeed, they'll be better than me in some "comparison", and i'm going to feel bad. i don't want to be like this and i feel like a dick, but these thoughts are automatic. * some days i feel small like a child, lost, and insignificant. at times like these it feels like everybody but me is confident and strong and knows what they are doing. i know it isn't so, but it just feels that way sometimes. * acceptance and other people's interest is very important to me. sometimes i dwell on the thoughts that other people are way more popular, say the few friends that i have. it's true that i'm very much alone and mostly ignored by people, however i don't think that's anyone's fault but my own. sometimes i go for days and weeks without talking to anybody outside of work. this brings me down often. **tl;dr - i've got some psychological problems i'm trying to overcome. any advice you can give would be great! thank you!** | need advice on overcoming my psychological problems and social anxieties | 25kg7k | i know you mentioned it, but seriously, see a professional. look into the agencies and private practices and ask about sliding scales. they adjust your payment based on your income and it's far more affordable than you would expect. | mentalhealth | 25kg7k |
hello socialskills, so here is what i would love help or advice with. i have a date tomorrow and i'm terrible, absolutely terrible at keeping conversations going when it's one on one. i have no clue what to say to keep the conversation going so i always wait till they talk first and i can usually follow up but they -always- have to talk first but i really want to try and keep the conversation going myself but i'm clueless on what to say. what are things that aren't too personal or expansive that i can pinpoint and talk about or potentially find key things to talk about. i'm not much of a person that has conversation but the reason i was asked out is because we have two classes together but we always are in groups of people. i love groups because there's no pressure for me to start the topic and i can just expand on it, but i'm so nervous and i have no clue what is socially acceptable to keep the conversation going. if there is any advice or suggestions for what i should say or anything i'd be extremely grateful. as of right now i'm just entirely lost and i really don't wanna drop out of it because i would really enjoy a new friendship. but with the feeling i have right now i just want it to be over with and gone. that's not going to help me make it an exciting or fun time. advice on how to be goofy or comical would be great help too, i am more than willing to do some reading but i just don't know where to look. i hope this all makes sense i'm about to lose it over something that shouldn't be this difficult but i've just done something like this before. tl;dr first date ever, extremely nervous. don't know how to start different conversations that are socially acceptable. horrible at making conversations funny or goofy and really need help. i'm 20 and go to college if this helps at all in the advice you give. thank you for reading and would love any type of advice :| | [conversation help] need major advice. | 11vgej | read [this guide to conversation](WEBLINK). it will be a really good crash course for you. beyond that, don't freak out. it's your first date, but it won't be your last. just relax and have fun :) don't let the anxiety get to you--if you do, it will be much harder for you to do a good job at conversation. | socialskills | 11vgej |
i'm looking into a long term inpatient stay, something longer than a week or two. i'm having trouble finding information, all i'm coming up with is either short term our rehab based. does anyone have any resources on how to find these facilities? | adult long term inpatient care. | 57do3p | i would call your insurance company to ask. they'll have a list of different programs that they'll cover. | mentalhealth | 57do3p |
* met this girl last week on a trip, we hit it off instantly. had loads of fun with her, and other people commented to me that they thought she was into me. i reaaaly started to like her. more than i've ever liked a girl in my life. * we slept in the same bed on one night, nothing happened. just cuddling. and we talked most the night as well and the bus trip home. * over the past week we have talked every day on the phone/facebook for at least two hours, we've been texting each other constantly as well these past few days. we know so much about each other and we've had some emotional conversations. the majority of our conversations are just fun though, we both think the other person is hilarious * conversations are very flirty, when i see her she touches me a lot. * met her for lunch today, and she dropped a huge bomb. she has a boyfriend. she said she'd been feeling really guilty texting me all week and still wants to be friends. i acted like i didn't care and we sat there for another few hours, we then walked around town for a while just having the banter. i felt sick, i was a mess. i don't know if i hid it well though. * one thing she did say to me was that her and her friend we discussing me and they both agreed i was hot and she tried to set her friend up with me and (her words) "because i couldn't". i didn't do anything because i liked this girl. * i don't want to be in the friends zone. she texted me a few hours ago and i haven't replied. i really really want to though. i miss her already. * i've never met her boyfriend, and i don't want to. i'm a mess. help me. i want to tell her something, but i don't know what. cutting contact isn't possible because we are both involved in a club and will be seeing each other a few times a week anyway. i want to tell her something when we're both drunk, there's a club night out sometime soon. thanks guys x | need a third person perspective, my thoughts are messed up and i'm so confused. | fyk6i | i've been in that exact situation before and i can say from experience that it's terrible. at the time i did what it sounds you are doing - i left her alone. now i'm in my 40's and have a slightly different perspective on life and as i look back, i can honestly say that possibly the single biggest regret i have in my entire life is not pursuing it. yes, she has a boyfriend, but she's not married or engaged. if i had pursued the girl at the time, she might not have wasted many years in an abusive relationship that ultimately drove her to severe emotional problems. life's about living. | relationship_advice | fyk6i |
my boyfriend of 1year+ broke up w me last week bc he wants to be alone and doesn't want to vent his anger into this relationship, he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and we should be "just friends" so no one will be hurt .. few days after our breakup, he texted me to ask how i was doing and we started chatting a little. same went for the next few days he would he text me to ask what i was doing. the weird thing is that in sch (we're in the same class too), we'll have some awk eye contacts and sometimes he would stare at me sadly, but the rest of the time he just seems unaffected at all, he would laugh a lot w his friends and play basketball w them .. i felt that if we continue texting like this he will nv miss me so yesterday night i texted him saying that we shouldn't text like this bc it's hard for me to text w him as "just friends", i told him that i would try my best to get over him. he replied "if i didn't have any feelings for u, i wouldn't text u in the first place." he also said "i like the way we are now.. " the thing is i still love him v much and i still want to be his gf .. i want to text him to get closer to him, hoping he would realize how much he loves me but how do i do that after what i've said? what do i dooooooo :( how do i get him back after all these? today morning i texted him to ask abt the name of a restaurant we went to when we were still tgt (just an excuse to text him and remind him of our good times tgt haha :x) he just replied the restaurant's name, i said thanks and he just put this emoji "👌🏻" next week is his bday, shld i use this chance to talk to him again? idk ... it seems like he's determined abt the breakup but we still have feelings for each otherrrrrrr :'( someone pls help me :(((( | i still love my ex :( | 5o2dzc | wanting to break up with someone you have strong feelings for is not a contradiction. in other words, he has feelings for you and he feels he needs to be alone to work out some things. maybe he'll see a therapist, resolve some things, and come back. | relationship_advice | 5o2dzc |
hey people! i'm a 20 year old female who suffered from the passing of my dad 4 years ago. within that time i've gained over 45lbs and have been sucked into a deep pit of anxiety. making a very long story short, i had a very eye opening talk with my mother, and she has finally gotten me to see a doctor about my mental health issues. i took to reddit hoping to get some advice on my visit to my new/first doctor tomorrow. thanks for reading, hope to hear advice. :-) | finally dealing with my mental illness. | 577fgb | psychiatrist here. advice is to be completely honest (about yourself and the doctor!), keep an open mind on treatment options, and (assuming that it's directly related to the bereavement) keep realistic about your expectations - it's about being in control over the loss rather than the loss controlling you. | mentalhealth | 577fgb |
trying out something new! journalling is a big part of my recovery. i love the process of writing and it helps me find perspective. the mods had this idea to do a "weekend writing prompt." every week we will be giving a different prompt. you don't have to share it here, but you are very welcome to! **today's prompt** **what is something that you want to forgive yourself for?** | weekend writing | 43hm70 | i want to forgive myself for hurting the people close to me when i'm drunk. i want to forgive myself for.. not being the person i feel like i "should be". i want to forgive myself for struggling to cope in healthier ways. | stopdrinking | 43hm70 |
i have innatentive type add and stimulants are the most effective drug treatment. in a desperate place right now because of my symptoms. going to therapy regularly and currently being treated only for depression with trintellix.. but the depression stems from my add. how can i talk to my doctor without it making it seem like i'm just looking for drugs to get high. | psychiatrist wont prescribe stimulants because of my history with drug use. | an75wl | as someone else mentioned, many people self medicate due to adhd and don’t have as many problems with substance abuse after being appropriately treated. you might consider discussing this with your doctor. a couple other things you could do would be to: offer to submit to drug testing to show you’re taking the medication appropriately, ask if you can be treated with a nonstimulant option first to see if that helps, offer to attend na and provide documentation to your doctor of meeting attendance. i think any or all of these things could demonstrate your commitment to using medication appropriately and help your doctor feel more comfortable considering stimulant medications if it comes to that. all of this works best if you’re sincere about following through with the options i mentioned, of course. if it comes down to it, you can always seek a second opinion with another doctor, preferably one who specializes in adhd and understands how to treat it in the context of an addiction problem. given how tricky things can get if you’re thought to be “doctor hopping,” i think it makes sense to try to work it out with your current doc if possible, and your efforts to work it out reasonably with your doc are hopefully documented by him in his record should you ever present your record to another psychiatrist in the future. (edited to add this last sentence) | adhd | an75wl |
i have rapid (*really* rapid) cyclic bipolar i and recently have had low level psychotic elements (mostly illusions and paranoia). my chool's psychiatric clinic pretty much frog marched me to the er on wednesday when i explained what was happening so i've spend the past few days in a locked psychiatric hospital. what the hell guys. i was expected to be *taken care of.* instead when the atypical they prescribed to me (zyprexa) triggered more mania i was told to "stop fighting my medication" and "just go to bed." okay guys, let's all just stop wanting to be manic and go to bed. guess there is no need for a hospital now? atypicals have made things worse for me before, so i wasn't surprised that zyprexa didn't go well. the fact that no one believed me when i was on the low dose (2.5) and we had to wait until things got really ridiculous on the higher dose (5mg) is kinda infuriating. the fact that the nurses working while i was manic basically just yelled at me and didn't even want to call a doctor (i was able to see a doctor eventually) is really infuriating. no one read my fucking papers. i walked in with a psychologist from my school and an envelope with my medical records - my most recent lithium level (from the day before), my current meds, and an list of medicines which didn't work for me in the past. all of the idiots insisting that zyprexa can't possibly make mania worse clearly didn't read that abilify and risperdal already did. and the really big idiot who immediately wanted to switch my sleep aide from klonopin to ambien also didn't look in my records, because if he did then he would have seen that ssnakeggirl and ambien mix like oil and water. i checked myself out this morning because i think i'm much better equipped to handle anything which pops up at home. i have no intentions of hurting myself, i'm not going to take zyprexa, and my boyfriend and friends are going to be around me. i have appointments with my psychologist and psychiatrist early next week and i am staying on my other medications. i feel gross - shaking, twitching, illusions/perceptual changes, a headache... i wouldn't mind being in a hospital right now. but i'm not going back to that hospital unless it is an immediate life or death situation. they increased my lithium dose to 1500mg so i think most of how i'm feeling right now is from that at zyprexa. also - this is not just about me. they treated other patients horribly. the entire time i was there a woman was freaking out and *no one* tried to help make her more comfortable. i'm sure she was medicated, but she also clearly needed some therapy and for someone to remind her that she was safe. the "therapy" programs there consisted entirely of doing arts & crafts. so... someone please tell me that good hospitals exist? please? edit: you might want to look at [this](WEBLINK). i am not the only person who has reacted to an atypical this way. does anyone think that i'd have better luck with a typical? i might ask for haldol if i need something in the future. other edit: by the way, my blood level was 0.6 when i was on 1,200mg li. so, theoretically, 1,500mg isn't a huge dose. but it sure feels like one. **tl,dl**: psych wards suck, wtf reddit | just got back from the hospital, holy hell | 18ntck | yikes! as someone on the other side of this (i'm a therapist for a psychiatric hospital) i can assure you that not all hospitals are like this. our hospital does several types of therapy. we have psychotherapy as well as activity (fun stuff) therapy. i assure you that there are caring and *actually therapeutic* facilities out there, and i'm sorry you got stuck with a shitty location. | bipolarreddit | 18ntck |
literally any tiny crumb of kindness shown towards me makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. it seems to knock down a lot of my defenses away and it doesn't take much at all to make me cry. even seeing it on movies etc, really gets a lot of emotions going. it makes my infrequent doctors appointments an absolute ordeal as when they try to help me (their job, i know) i end up breaking emotionally, apologising and feeling like an absolute inconvenience to their day. i also have c-ptsd so i'm not sure if this is coming more from that than the bpd but i'm aware most of us have a crossover. like most of us, i do a lot of self reflection trying to work out *why* i am the way that i am. i'm thinking that this in particular, may be due to my childhood trauma and also partly explain why i seem so drawn to narcissists and psychopaths. horrendous that you only feel safe with the people who care the least about your emotional wellbeing. would love to hear any input/your own experiences if anyone cares to share | do many others cry when shown kindness? | ggwf9a | no i just reject it and spend my energy trying to get away from the situation and end the encounter. politely refuse even if i really need it or want it | bpd | ggwf9a |
i've noticed that a lot of pwbpd tend to have a lot of creativity. i'm interested in making a sub where pwbpd can post drawings, paintings, poems, etc. maybe share relatable music? free expression with no judgement. opinions? | i kinda want to start a sub for bpd art | 4o079l | you could just start posting it here and seeing how that goes? i'd also be interested to see various art with various mental illnesses | bpd | 4o079l |
my mom has tried to commit suicide several times during her life. once i was like eight and i witnessed the cut on her wrists while she had attempted to take her life. i still remember. while my grandmother had her own history of strange behaviour. my sister (16) is in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend and her friends told me they saw light self harm scars. none of them have been diagnosed with anything as mental health is a taboo here. i am 18. if there a history of mental illness/suicide in my family, does that mean i will have this kind of behaviour too? and whoever comes after me? to be honest, i have been having bad thoughts too... | at a risk of mental illness/suicide? | dkiwgn | that's a tricky question. research does show that folks who experience some of those things in their homes (even if it's not them going through it) may be at a higher risk for developing mental health concerns. there is a huge study on this by kaiser permanente: it's called the ace study. look it up if you like. the important takeaway those is that these are correlations, not causations. just because that happens in someone's family doesn't mean that person is going to through it too. it's more complex than that. one might say that you may be more sensitive or predisposed to experience some mental health issues because of what you've experienced. that's why self-care and doing your own work can be so important. you can learn from the experiences of your family members to avoid getting caught in some of the same situations that led to those mental health concerns. | mentalhealth | dkiwgn |
i've been slowing losing hair on my head for about 13 months now. fortunately it is in a spot that can be covered easily, that is until now. it seems the bald spot is a lot larger and harder to cover up now. while i'm all for shaving the side of my head, i'd prefer to simply grow my hair back. i called my gyno to ask if there was any medications that could help or if hair growth vitamins are worth it and she told me that hair loss and pcos aren't related. so i'm just really confused at this point. i did a lot of online research and found a consensus that they were related. while i know the internet doesn't always provide the best information, i'm just really confused. i have an apt with my primary next week and plan to get blood work done. but until then, i just feel like i'm losing my mind (and my hair) i just want someone's opinion or first hand experience with this to get a better idea about what could be going on. | confusion and hair loss | 3kgjdv | you need anti-androgens. the unfortunate thing about hair loss in pcos is that since it's terminal hair growth... it doesn't come back much once it is lost. look into anti-androgens like spironolactone. | pcos | 3kgjdv |
hi! i'm a 29/f my gf is 30/f. we've been dating for a while and she's become super important to me. problem is, i think i'm slowly ruining things. when we first started dating my gf hadn't been single for very long and wasn't looking to settle down. she was very open and honest about this and the fact that she was also seeing someone else. well, anyways, as luck would have it we dated for a couple of months openly and wound up being really into each other.... and then one day we were sitting in my room and she looked and me and said that she wasn't ready to put a lable on things but that she wanted to be exclusive and i was super happy to agree to that. here's where the trouble started... i can't remeber if it was that night or a night or two later she and the girl she had been seeing (who she was no longer seeing and had moved into the house with my gf and her roommate as a 3 person paying rent) went to a show, did some drugs and came back to their place. at some point in the night the girl decides to throw herself at my girlfriend and my girlfriend slips up for a moment. she, my gf, called me first thing in the morning and tells me everything. i believe her and her story of everything because she's always super honest. honest to a fault almost. we stopped talking for a couple of weeks and she went out of her way to prove to me she was sorry for breaking her promise and to make things up to me etc. so to my point finally.... i took her back. i knew it was going to be hard to build trust again because i've been cheated on before and she has stood by me and listened, answered questions, comforted, apologized, etc with basically no issues. i can see it makes her sad that i can't seem to move past it and i want to. this is the first woman (or person for that matter) that i've ever looked at and see a future with. i want to move past it to have that happy future with her. i just need help. i have issues with the fact that the girl is her roommate and that she has very honestly said she would like to remain friends with the girl... even though she has totally respected my request that she not hang out with the girl solo or without letting me know if she's going to be around. i need tips and tricks for letting go. letting go of my past...letting go of a mistake she made and has worked so hard to make up to me...letting of go this feeling that makes me so sad. is it supposed to take months? should i still feel compelled to ask her questions i already know the answer to? or still make up scenarios here and there that my rational, trusting side knows are simply not true and would never be true? i don't want to continue making myself and the person i love sad. i know deep down she's fucking awesome. she's so good to me. i don't wanna mess this up. so, any help? | need help forgiving my partner fully | 5vmyj7 | trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of two things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. | relationship_advice | 5vmyj7 |
so, i've (21) been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (26) for a year and 6 months. i live in london and he's in montreal. we met through mutual friends and it was like 'love at first sight.' our relationship started from distance but was always good. he's in montreal now passing his bar exam for law. and i am a second year student in london. lately, for the past month or so he's been very distant. we barely talk and when we are on the phone there's nothing to talk about. i feel he doesn't want to talk anymore. he became very cold. he basically has three stages of the bar exams. he passed one exam easily february and it disappointed him. he thought it was very hard and he might not pass. so when i ask him what's wrong he tell me it's the exam. he hasn't been sleeping properly lately because at night he thinks a lot about his future and what if he fails. i just feel that we still aren't close enough. he's so cold and never talks about what's going on with him. i don't know what to do. i don't want to be annoying and needy at the wrong time. i love him so much but i am so confused with what to do. it's the first time i don't know what i'm supposed to do. sometimes i say maybe i should give him a break and tell him focus on ur studies i'll be here when ur done. but i'm also selfish, what if he leaves me for good? when we first started dating he told me, "my first priority is my education and i don't want you to do anything that will interfere in it." i completely respect them, it made me fall in love with him more because he has an aim and he's ambitious which is very manly. i confronted him few times and he always tells me i'm busy studying, and it's true he's studying all the time. but i am also sure that he can take five minutes to call and just ask... sometimes i feel that i am just overthinking things that i'm imagining. should i just give him his space and not talk to him for now? or should i talk about it? what should i do? | should i give him space or should i just leave him? | 5vijhi | respect the space he asks for. if that includes checking in, do so. decide how patient you can be with waiting, then move on | relationship_advice | 5vijhi |
i'll write more later, but i feel that suicide is inevitable for me. this website has been a blessing to me and i'd like to ask you all one favor: just in case something were to happen to me, could you all send my mother some stuff via the mail. i'll provide here address when the time finally comes. i can't live with myself anymore and i'd really appreciate it... i'll be sure to write her a note (and hopefully my other family). i'm just so broken and i can't escape the hopelessness. i don't think i can fight it anymore. i'll write more in the comments later... edit: | hi sw, i'd like to ask you all a favor... | de16q | i'm sure your mother would rather have her child than mail from strangers. you said you are hopeless, and yet you are here posting, so there is a fighting part of you-even if you don't recognize it. you seem like a really caring person since you are so worried about your mother. there's a lot of people here (myself included) who would be glad to talk to you. please tell us more about yourself. | suicidewatch | de16q |
my university offers free counselling services, something i have been considering using for years... i recently took the step of finding out how to book an appointment which has made me extremely uncomfortable upon finding out i need to sign a statutory declaration... which asks for 'detail of the problem(s) which clearly summarises the central issue impacting on your functioning at the time' and dates... i don't feel comfortable doing this due to the nature of my visit... this is a throw away account so i might as well just say its about sexual assault and abuse. i literally burst into tears thinking about what i should write down as the "details" even the thought of writing down one word is to much. perhaps i'm not ready to seek counselling if i can't handle this. i also have to hand in documentation or verification of my situation in order to be assessed for a support letter? what does this mean... it freaks me out to be honest i'm not even sure if they can help me if i'm not ready to talk... would they even be able to help me? also will they ask me to go into detail... will they ask for confirmation or names? i want to be as anonymous as possible | been thinking about seeking counselling... | 6rxwtd | when it comes to the paperwork, don't stress too much. generally we (therapists) need you to fill that out as it can be helpful for us to have some idea of what's going on for when you get started. you could basically just write "trouble dealing with stress" on there and that'll suffice. i don't know what you mean by "support letter" can you give more info? i'd say to give the counseling center a try. if you don't like it, you can stop. they may ask you to go into detail about certain things but you don't have to answer if you don't want. you can simply say "i don't want to talk about that" no one can force you to talk about anything that you don't want to talk about. they can't force you to give names or any identifying info if you don't want. they can help you if you're ready to be helped and are ready to put in the work that comes with processing all of this. if you do this, things may seem like they're getting worse before they get better, but they will get better. if you don't feel ready, that's fine too. just put it off until you are. some college counseling centers have new therapists who are working there as part of their internships, some have very experienced therapists. when it comes to college counseling services, i think everyone should get some therapy. i'd say it's free and it's the only time therapy will ever be free for you, but you've basically already paid for it as part of your tuition/fees. not going is a waste of that money. best of luck! -the web shrink | mentalhealth | 6rxwtd |
people always fucking give me instructions that could men a million different things and expect me to know the very vague specifics of it. and then treat me like an absolute idiot if i don't know what to do. bonus points if they tell me to "think logically". god | stop giving me the vaguest of instructions and then treat me like an idiot when i'm fucking confused | i8vlar | ugh my fucking husband does this. then gets confused that i don't understand! | adhd | i8vlar |
be warned, this is my first time ever on reddit. i'll give a baby summary of whats going on and some points so it's not a big ass story. we've been together 8 years and i never thought this would happen. it literally came out of nowhere. we just got back from a really nice trip and we're making plans for the next ones. ultimately it was his insecurities that prompted me to bring up the idea of a break.it just seemed to play out so fast. we started the conversation in our house together on friday and i'm already sleeping at my parents house sunday. - i'm his only partner, ever. he's curious but swears he'd never cheat (i believe him wholeheartedly on this). - we've never really had a chance to be individuals or independent. - we have sex almost everyday and it's amazing about 93% of the time, the other 7% is good. no complaints in that department. - we get along amazingly. no massive fights, we have a lot of fun, we go on adventures. i thought we were both happy. - i am dependent on him in a lot of ways, but he is to me as well. i cook, i clean, i do everything around the house. i feel like his mother... he feels like that too. but he makes the money, i make peanuts compared to him. - he may not want babies or marriage and i've always wanted both. however this last year - he can't see the future for us, or even himself. he feels so lost he doesn't even know what he wants in life. i see our future but not really goals for myself. - we're trying to find "ourselves" this week. i think he wants more than a week to figure his stuff out but we live together so i don't know how we could manage that. - we still love each other, and care about each other. a lot. has anyone gone through this? is there a light at the end of the tunnel. i need some stories! | my live-in boyfriend [29/m] and i [26/f] are currently on a break. | 68k034 | ground rules. one month tops. no dating. make a contact schedule in the meantime. | relationship_advice | 68k034 |
i'm lactose intolerant. these days i just pop a lactase pill before i consume dairy and i'm good. the pill contains a natural lactase enzyme and breaks down lactose. i'm also alcohol intolerant (yes its a a real thing and is common amongst east asians (WEBLINK). i'm lacking a liver enzyme that breaks down acetaldehyde. i was thinking that these two cases seem to be very similar (lacking an enzyme that breaks down something). so why is there a simple pill for lactose intolerance and why not one for alcohol intolerance? can't they just make a pill that contains aldh2 (the enzyme needed to break down acetaldehyde)? | lactase pills for lactose intolerance. what about pills for alcohol intolerance? | 52hofd | you call it alcohol intolerance - i call it alcohol protective. the concept of having something that allows greater consumption of alcohol would cause untold damage to the wellbeing of humans globally. | askdocs | 52hofd |
has any study been conducted to investigate the incidence of ptsd for people with asperger's particularly looking for a correlation with the increased rate of bullying people with the syndrome endure? | asperger's and ptsd? | 19qrkd | this guy really needs to learn how to use google scholar. | aspergers | 19qrkd |
people say life will toughen you. i have been in a few emotionally abusive relationships with my mother and former friends with benefits. some people would have became more tough. i'm even more sensitive. how can i simply accept the advantages and disadvantages of being more sensitive than average? it makes feel suicidal like my life is not worth living honestly because i'm not as thick skinned or easygoing. | how to accept being a more sensitive person | cgfwu0 | accepting yourself starts with understanding yourself. how do you feel right this second? mentally, physically, emotionally? understand that it's not necessarily good or bad to feel whatever way you feel right now. it just *is.* you are comparing yourself on a totally imaginary scale of "sensitive" to "tough" - but you have to realize that that scale doesn't really exist, there's no real way to measure that, and it's not a scale of "bad" to "good" either. a "tough" person might have a total breakdown in certain situations - a "sensitive" person might be exceedingly patient and calm under certain types of stress. i myself have anxiety - i often overworry and over-stress about totally boring things like if i'm cooking food correctly or if i'm going to make a bad grade in class - but one time, i was in a car crash while my dad was driving - i called 911, talked to the first responders that came out, exchanged info with the other drivers (everyone was fine btw, but the car was totaled). meanwhile my dad just kind of froze. i remember afterwards he complimented me for handling the stress so calmly. but then, just recently i woke up crying because i had a nightmare about the people i care about refusing to listen to me. am i a sensitive person because i get anxious and cry sometimes? or am i a strong/tough person because i can handle emergencies pretty well and push through my anxiety at other times? my answer is that those labels don't matter, they don't make sense. i am both a sensitive person and a strong person. the same goes for you. if you have trouble thinking of yourself as strong or tough or whatever, maybe try to come up with some times where you pushed through hardships or survived tough times. i bet you've seen a lot of shit, and yet here you are anyway. that takes strength. hell, being strong is great and all, but being sensitive isn't even a bad thing! it can be very good to be in touch with your emotions. i've found that i often prefer talking to "sensitive" people because they tend to have a lot more empathy, more kindness for others, and are more understanding and forgiving of others. that is an important trait to have, too. | advice | cgfwu0 |
i met this girl in november, and we hit it off pretty quickly. things were going great until early january, where she confessed that she was very nervous about where it was going. thing is, i may be moving away within the next few months for school or a job. she knew this from the start, but i guess as things ramped up she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. long story short, she wants to be sure i'm actually still here before we get into anything serious. totally understandable, and i agreed. not one for ldrs, they rarely work imo. we have kissed a couple times since then but otherwise it's been this weird limbo of platonic/not-so-platonic. obvious that we like each other, though. problem is, the past couple weeks i've been entertaining the attractions of other women; just making out with them, usually while under the influence a bit. one was a friend and we mutually agreed that it was stupid, and the other was an ex of mine just last night, who clearly is still up for trying us out as a couple again (i'm not). i understand that the first girl and i are not/were never official and have never had sex, so i shouldn't be concerned about what i do, but i still feel guilty about it. i really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and it feels like i'm heading down that road of doing so. i truly am very interested in the first girl, and would absolutely be exclusive with her if the opportunity arose. i don't plan on doing it again for sure, but should i be feeling this way at all? am i being too hard on myself? should i mention that i hooked up with a couple girls to her? thanks. | [26/m] was headed towards dating this girl [28/f], we mutually decided to put it on hold for a while (reasons inside). is kissing other women during this time morally wrong/"cheating?" | 5vimv4 | temporary breaks need **definition**: dating others/or not??; contact with each other??/how much?? | relationship_advice | 5vimv4 |
i've been engaged to my high school sweetheart for a year. prior to that we'd dated for 4 years. i went to a trade school for 2 years and knew in order to get a good job i'd need to move. she knew this and said she'd follow me. about a year ago she went to cosmetology school and now is a hairstylist. in order to work for my dream company i need to move out of state. my current job doesn't pay all that well and i'm fairly miserable. when i mentioned to her i was thinking about moving she said she won't go with me and basically told me my dreams don't matter to her because she has her own career now. i'm torn because i love her but i feel like if she loved me she'd want me to follow my passion. i don't want to choose a career over the love of my life. but i can't imagine being happy making crap money and working where i'am now. but she's basically made me choose between her or my dream job. i feel like if i stay i'll end up resenting her and the stress of not making enough money to pay my bills will drive us apart. am i being selfish by expecting her to honor her promise to follow me? | am i being selfish? | 62cium | her saying that your dreams don't matter is a ridiculous statement and i would reevaluate this relationship | relationship_advice | 62cium |
age: 21, sex: male, height: 5'7 weight: 155lb , race: indian, location: throat, any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none, current medications (if any): none, include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example): i am unable to get a photo at this time. ​ hello i have been looking into cbd to help treat my anxiety and ocd. i discussed it with my doctor because. i remembered studying that there was a potential link between thc exposure and people with predisposition schizophrenia in people under 25. i dont believe i have any known predisposition however it still makes me nervous. the only cbd oil i can get is in 3:1 and 4:1 ratios here in canada i cant seem to find and pure 100% cbd. will these small amounts pose any risk or can i take them without worrying? | cbd oil for anxiety | av2mp1 | while i'm leery of thc generally, the risk of causing schizophrenia is probably small. the risk of worsening anxiety is significant. the evidence for cbd oil helping anxiety is still quite limited and preliminary as well. as long as you're going to go the pharmacological route for treating ocd and anxiety i recommend seeing a psychiatrist, or even your primary care doctor, and going with the medications that at least have a track record of safety and efficacy. | askdocs | av2mp1 |
first post [here.]( WEBLINK) second post [here.]( WEBLINK) four men. she had an affair with four different men over the past five months. the first was a guy from work she start sexting and sending racy pictures to back in october. then she met a random guy at a concert and kissed him. she met up with him again when she was at a drive-in movie theater with a friend, where allegedly nothing happened except cuddling. she met up with him again when she was at a gay club with some friends, and he fucked her from behind in the bathroom... he drunk texted her a month later, they fought, and broke off contact after that. one night in mid december i came home from work at 6pm, knowing that she got done at 2pm for a company christmas party. her pet bunny was out of its cage and running around the apartment. she was nowhere to be found. her car was in the parking lot. her coat was on a chair. i called her phone and it rang from the couch. i called my mom in a panic. i ran around the apartment complex looking for her. i screamed her name. i even checked the goddamn dumpsters, expecting the worst. when she came home, an hour and a half later, the police were in my living room, and i was giving them her description. i held her so tightly. i was so scared that something had happened to her. i was in tears. a minute earlier, she was making out with the guy from work, in his car, down the street, with her hand on his dick. if she wasn't on her period, she would have had sex with him. then theres new years eve. the bassist guy likes it up the ass. when my wife and her gay friend went up to his hotel room, he asked him to fuck him up the ass. he did, with my wife in the room, and then the guy told him to get lost. he then had unprotected sex with her, with possible vaginal insemination. she took the morning after pill, and had a pregnancy scare when she was late for her period. they continued to chat via text/email/video chat after that. finally, she had an emotional affair with a guy she met on reddit. they flirted via text and email, and made plans to meet in person and have sex while i was on a business trip last weekend. a friend of mine asked her if she wanted to do lsd together, and she found that to be the better option. as far as i know, she never met the guy. she continued to flirt and chat with three of the four men up until last wednesday when i found out. i only found out about the other two yesterday, after i invaded her privacy and found tons of emails and chats with and about these men. i forwarded those emails to myself. i even have the t-shirt that my wife slept in that belonged to the bassist. she actually brought it into our home. i know this doesn't count as verification, but here is a photo of the [t-shirt]( WEBLINK), and of my [hospital bracelet]( WEBLINK) from when i got screened for std's. i could never hurt or kill myself. but believe me when i say i wish i was dead. i wouldn't wish this pain on someone i hate. i'm weak. i'm exhausted. i can't eat or sleep. i miss her so bad but i'm repulsed by her at the same time. i told her not to even be in the same room as me until she gets tested for stds. i told her to email her entire family and tell them everything she did. she has a very tight family and this will likely shame her for life. i told her she needs to cut all ties with everyone and burn every bridge, including with the two friends she had that enabled her, if she ever wants to speak to me again. and even then, it's very likely that there's nothing to save. i feel so alone. i have friends that i've been relying on, but i can't tell if they are being supportive because they want to be and they like to have me around, or if they are simply not assholes. my confidence and self esteem is shot. i'm doomed to be alone no matter what i do. i was already physically neglected, i am in no condition for a new relationship, and there is no way i could be intimate with this woman again. everything i had was just ripped away. i need some cheering up. again, south jersey/philly area. thanks again for the kind words i've been receiving. edit: she had sex with the guy from work. i'm fucking done. its over. i didn't make her write any letters or tell anyone. she can rot for all i care. i'm free from this bullshit. anyone for a beer? edit 2: these posts will be coming down soon, as i prepare for divorce. i hope that my story will help someone else get out of a toxic relationship as well. if you would like the name of my main account to keep in touch or just follow the story, pm me. | continued - "i think my wife cheated on me, but i have no proof." | pv7an | i've been following this story since the beginning, and i'm sorry to say that it seems to have turned out the worst for you. or has it? i'm sure it sucks. i can't even begin to imagine the emotional and physical pain that you are going through right now. but there's a bright side: you got out. you know. you're not a cuckold, you're not the poor sap at the party where everyone knows his wife is a slut but him. you're a survivor. your wife is a liar, a cheat, and a promiscuous elephantile cuntbag. never mind how traditional it might sound, she broke her vows to you. she deserves everything she gets and then some. you can do this. you're strong, capable, and ten times the man any of those assholes are. lawyer up, hit the gym, delete facebook. don't say a fucking syllable to her unless it's in the presence of a lawyer. and every day when you wake up and you feel like you want to sleep forever, remind yourself that you're a survivor. you're a survivor, motherfucker. get out there and do it. do it hard. | relationship_advice | pv7an |
hi guys! i have a friend who recently left a very toxic family and religiously traumatic situation. she was homeschooled and disallowed from many public interactions until she escaped at age 23. her family was extremely poor and had a large amount of children, who she was forced to take care of as the oldest child. many of these children had mental issues and learning disabilities. she was also abused by her parents, particularly when she did something which was religiously disallowed. her mother was emotionally abused by her father and her siblings were beaten for their mental disabilities (undiagnosed). she was devoutly religious until about a month before she fled. she found solace only in playing video games online and learned how to socialize and about the "real world" from popular media. she says that because of this, her interactions with people are limited and she feels emotionally immature in her mid-20s. she is currently in a better situation and pursuing a degree in nursing with a significant other she had met online. as she was sheltered from a normal life, normal people, and was not allowed to interact with those outside of her faith. she was forced to stay devoutly religious every day for her whole life. she feels lost and confused. she has tried several therapists, but felt that they didn't quite understand her as well as she would like, but did praise them when they offered her decent life advice. that got me thinking - is there a specific type of therapy for helping people learn emotional depth and help with human interactions who came from sheltered communities or situations? is there a specific specialty she should look for when seeking a therapist? appreciate any and all advice. | friend needs a therapist, and i want to know what this specialty is called | ftbnbl | someone trauma informed and trained, with knowledge of complex trauma | askatherapist | ftbnbl |
60 yo female, on rx for hypothyroid, and heart, taking 10mg lexapro. insomnia at night, some drowsiness during the day (only requiring nap >40 min twice in 2 weeks). lexapro causing insomnia suggests family.. though it's improved mood. family says seroquel had side effects, and that they "didn't like that it was an anti psychotic". my thought was maybe trazodone. any better suggestion? of course this isn't medical advice just an informal idea to help them start dialog with primary care doc. thanks | insomnia treatment for patient with frontotemporal dementia | 4vtrvc | you could change antidepressant from escitalopram to mirtazapine maybe? [here's some general advice](WEBLINK) edit: hopefully a working link - "mirtazapine is preferred for sleep disturbances" | askdocs | 4vtrvc |
i have been taking venlafaxine for several years. my doctor is switching me from the velafaxine to brand name zoloft. i have been titrating my dose from 300mg - 150mg x 1 week. today i have been told to start 112.5mg x 5 days, then take 75mg x 5 days, then 37.5mg x 5 days then d/c. i have been having withdrawal effects so far: tremors, low blood sugar (not diabetic), brain fog, inability to concentrate, some anxiety. i have heard horror stories in regards to withdrawal on the venlafaxine. would the zoloft help with any of these symptoms? i started 50mg of zoloft on 8/12 as advised. i am to stay on this dose x 5 days, then increase it to 100mg daily. i'm not sure if i will be able to deal with the withdrawals if they get any worse. i also take trazodone 100mg qhs along with clonazepam 0.5mg qhs. diagnosis: anxiety, major depression - reocrruing | venlafaxine to zoloft switch | 6tfwhb | i would have recommended cross-tapering - starting sertraline whilst reducing venlafaxine. speak to your doc to see if it's safe to do so in your case. | askdocs | 6tfwhb |
i feel as if it may trigger me more than help. | does anyone reccomend a.a | dwlejp | if you live in a place where there are a number of meetings to choose from, try going to 6 different groups to find the one you like the best. not all meetings are the same. some have larger crowds, some smaller and more intimate. usually, a group will reflect the demographics of the neighborhood. attend a meeting near the university or on campus you’re going to see more young people. it can be helpful to attend a meeting where you encounter people somewhat similar to yourself. meeting someone like yourself who’s made significant progress can be encouraging. | alcoholicsanonymous | dwlejp |
i have suicidal ideations and i have for many years. i’m open with my psychiatrist and therapist about this, always emphasize i don’t have a plan because they always ask if i do. a few weeks ago i was in the er at the local hospital because my meds caused me to have a breakdown and i was worried i had no control of myself. the morning after a doctor explained to me that i didn’t really need to be there because “you didn’t have a plan.” so on that note, i googled “what’s the easiest way to kill yourself?” a few minutes ago. does this count? just how miserable and fucked up do i need to feel, exactly? | what would a plan for suicide be and why does it matter? | e38er3 | lots of people engage in suicidal ideation, but like you mentioned, ideation is not indicative of means or intent. it's great you're open with your docs about this, a lot of people think the mention of the word 'suicide' will end up in the hospital. discussion of these thoughts is an important part of therapy, but it does take a decent therapist/doc to know when it is and when it isn't appropriate to take action. i don't know what you're diagnosed with, but a brief period of hospitalization for the stabilization of medication may be necessary regardless of the absence of suicidal ideation/means/intent. it may be a matter of professional discretion, and, at the end of the day, it's better to be safe than sorry. if you have a previous history of suicide attempt(s), a doc may feel more inclined to hospitalize you. whatever the reason, it'll be documented in your medical chart. to me, i also might be inclined to keep you overnight if you report that you're experiencing a breakdown and/or loss of control of yourself. again, there other factors i'd take into consideration. to answer your question, googling the easiest way to kill yourself does not equal a plan. a plan is a plan...like, you've planned, and are pretty much ready to carry out, your suicide. your providers should have explained the limits of confidentiality to you, which would include breaking confidentiality if you are an imminent risk for harming/killing yourself or another, thus necessitating hospitalization. | mentalillness | e38er3 |
i’m feeling proud of myself today (day 27). i went to a concert at a place i’ve seen many shows, always drunk. i was concerned i would cave and was already dreading the hangover, but i couldn’t miss it and went and practiced what you all have preached over and over: just avoid the first drink. it worked! and i had a blast dancing :) thank you sd members for sharing your life experiences, providing guidance, and being overall wonderful, encouraging, and supportive. | sober concert dancing | dnodqd | excellent! happy for you. onward to more sober days! | stopdrinking | dnodqd |
i just don’t know i have friends and family who love and care about me, i’m not doing terrible in life, i’m a college student and while my grades aren’t perfect i am passing, and yet ever sense middle school i’ve had this sadness that just won’t go away my family doesn’t know about it and my friends don’t seem to get my jokes trying to hint at it. i just feel like i shouldn’t feel sad but i am and that makes it worse. | i feel like i shouldn’t be sad but i am | 9zha4l | i understand exactly how you feel. i’m stuck in the same place. i feel like i’m a bad person for it. | depression | 9zha4l |
age: 25 weight: 90 kilograms duration of complaint: exam season. medical history: i have asthma medication: telfast pills, airflousol inhaler. so, i am in the middle of the exam season, and when it's not my panic attacks blocking me from studying, it's my lack of energy. coffee works for the latter, alcohol for the former (not in huge quantities, more like 4-5 sips). i hate the taste of both however, so i thought about just chugging both down at once. is that safe? if not, how much should i wait between them? | is it safe to drink my coffee with wine? | 8peo19 | don't recreate the [four loko](WEBLINK) experience. if you're not getting buzzed you're fine. one thing to be aware of, though, is that caffeine can worsen anxiety and panic symptoms. that has the potential to be unpleasant regardless of alcohol. it isn't true for everyone, of course, and if you find caffeine has no problems for you then don't add extra baseless worry. | askdocs | 8peo19 |
just over a month ago now i tried to commit suicide and was at an all time high for depression. it was my first time (hopefully my last) trying to do something like that but i’ve had untreated and undiagnosed depression for a very very long time. like way way before the typical time for people to start having depression. according to all the papers the hospital gave me to read on depression anyways. my family never thought of mental illness to be a serious thing before. my mom has depression too but she’s never even considered killing herself while for me the thought crosses my mind every month. normally i can just push the thoughts away but this last time i couldn’t. i texted my best friend intending to say goodbye and shut my phone off cause i thought she was at work and wouldn’t see it for a few hours. she saw it right away and very quickly made me realize how selfish me killing myself would be to others. i have a few amazing friends. maybe not in person but online. i know i need real life friends too but we move so often my anxiety never gets a chance to simmer down enough for me to go socialize before we’re off to the next place. clearly the loneliness of that is part of what pushed me over the edge. but my bestie helped me realize i’m needed here and that it’s not the end for me yet. but still i think back and wonder why i decided to get help. i was so close to peace and quiet but yet here i am. i in no way want to go through it again but i can’t help but think about it. the peacefulness of death. the pitch black nothing that is death and how much easier life would be. i’m not happy. i’m not sad either. i don’t feel anything thanks to the meds they loaded onto me. and my mom just told me that because of this feeling of nothingness and me not having any will to do anything i normally like to do i’m just putting myself back into depression. as if i haven’t been depressed since i got back home? nothing changed after my week in the hospital and psych ward. i was still depressed then i just initially had zest for things before the medications truly started working. i might be crazy tho. i’m sorry if this has brought anyone down i just need someone who understands me to talk to. | need some support | dke3x0 | medications have a way of making us numb. and psych wards don’t make anyone less depressed, they’re only real purpose is to try and get you “stable.” for what it’s worth, i’m glad you’re not dead. if you ever need to talk, feel free to hit me up... | depression | dke3x0 |
my friend and i have been very close for almost 10 years since grade 10. i was dating some girl in high school and my friend liked me at the time but i never paid attention to any of the signs. i only think about how obvious they were and how oblivious i was. soon after high school ended, i was single and my feelings for my friend were pretty strong, we'd hang out on the daily so i confessed that i liked her. she said she didn't feel the same way and soon after, she got into a relationship, as well so did i. we still remained quite close friends but about 2 years later we both became single again. fast forward to until last year where we've become really close friends and hanging out a lot, going for dinner dates and what not but we just genuinely enjoyed each others company more than anything. fyi, she's a solid 9/10, i'm a solid 7. last september i was friends with benefits with some bumble girl who was bi, and as a joke, i asked my best friend if she wanted to join the bumble girl and i in the bedroom and she said yes. so i'm like wtf, alright. the threesome goes horribly wrong, i couldn't get hard at all because i think it's because my friend was there but she's insanely attractive, it made no sense. whatever, i take the loss and come new years a few months later, she ends up kissing me (i know, it was probably just part of the festivities) and that threw me off completely. she's a really hard girl to read but we both have so much in common and i really don't want to lose her friendship over confessing that i'm possibly in love with her. we were prom dates, have been there for each other every step of the way but i can never tell if she even sees me as a potential candidate anymore and her signals are quite hard to read. any advice would be greatly appreciated edit: if we're in a group setting, every time she laughs she looks at me, or every time she's talking, she'll mainly look at my while telling a story and at parties, i'll catch her looking at my from the distance and she'll quickly turn away. we go to starbucks together like 3 times a week just to work on stuff. we don't really talk, we listen to our own music but we enjoy each others silence. | [23/m] i think i'm in love with my best friend [23/f] but i'm not sure | 7wad1t | don’t tell her you love her. “i don’t want to be weird, but would you go on a date with me? i think there’s something here.” | relationship_advice | 7wad1t |
any help would be much appreciated. **brother's stats** **age**: 33 **height**: 5ft 8' **general health before 4 months ago**: very good, regular exercise (running, playing soccer etc) drank once a week (although quite a few units of alcohol), no previous cases of mental illness, relatively healthy diet, although he is a vegetarian (and has been all his life). **weight**: 72 kg (although has decreased since he has been ill) **race**: white british **current medication** quetiapine (one tablet at night, unsure of dosage) **overview** so my brother became quite ill approximately 4-5 months ago. it started as what seemed like a general bug that he (and **some** friends picked up whilst travelling in iceland. he seemed to get mostly better but just generally felt run down and looked pale and lost some weight. his friends seemed to get completely better but he did not. about 4.5 months ago, he began to become quite anxious believing he had blood poisoning (this is when i first became quite concerned) as my brother is never the sort of person to become fussed or exaggerate about anything. so my parents took him to the hospital to do some blood tests. at this point he said his main problem was feeling very weak all over and just exhausted as well as 'achy'. he was going to the toilet a **lot**, which meant feeling like he needed to pass stool every 20 mins - 30 mins. he had diarrhoea and at this point looked as though he had dropped to 66 kg. he also said he needed to urinate often every 15 mins or so. the blood tests came back fine. but my brother began to feel worse and worse. passing a lot of gas with continued pain in his abdomen. then he had some stress with his landlord booting him out so he moved back home with our mum and dad so they could keep an eye on him. at this point he had stopped going into work as he felt so awful. (and he never likes to miss work). my brother decided to go to a private clinic to get more intensive testing done. stool, blood and urine tests where all done, as well as a more comprehensive stool test which was sent to the usa for analysis. the stool test came back as he continued to get worse. they showed that he had a high count of endolimax nana and blastocystis hominis, which the doctor said were normal in some people. it then seemed as if it were some sort stomach bug and the doctor agreed and thought he may have picked it up whilst being in hot spas in iceland. so he was given a course of anti biotics, he completed the course, but generally felt worse. he then took some probiotics as well as some herbal remedies such as oregano oil and caprylic acid etc, hoping that they would alleviate his symptoms which now seemed to be getting worse. he generally felt nauseous, and although the amount of gas and belching reduced, he still had pain in his abdomen and he continued to feel dehydrated all the time, despite drinking 2 litres of watery a day at least, as well as his urine being very dark still. as time rolled on and continued tests showed nothing, he began to feel more anxious and obviously depressed at not being able to pin point what the problem was. this led to him to have mental break downs as the pain then 'spread to his bones', he said that he has constant cracking and pain in his joints, and feels constant malaise. he now rocks back and forth gibbering and crying, asking and pleading to everyone to help him and he has had several 'episodes' where he has driven to a&e as he believed that 'he is in a really bad way' and 'hasn't got long left', and that something is 'eating his bones'. he paces back and forward crying 'why won't anyone help him, and he's going to die'. my mum and dad have been out of their depth and although being concerned they do not know what to do. the doctors will not do anymore tests as they said 'they have checked for everything' and are now convinced that it is mental and he doesn't have any pain as nothing is showing up on any x-rays, blood tests etc. then the doctors have now put him on quetiapine to take in the evenings to calm him down, as he literally shakes with fear and cries while scrunching his hands saying how 'doomed' he is, and how he is 'not gonna make it, so scared, so scared, he doesn't want to die' and how much of 'a bad way' he is in. after he was put on that drug, i think he personally got worse as he started to say weird things such as the last text message i sent him over and over again, and not really realising he was saying it. i put this down to the fact that the drug was somewhat messing with his mind. he shows me pictures of his stool saying they are 'not normal' and i think to some degree they are not because they are a little loose. he now has a carer come around to ask him how each day is and to get him to talk about his anxiety, but he discredits them as being a waste of time as its this bug which is 'eating at his bones' and that he can feel it. crying that 'he used to be so healthy and loved playing sport'. now it does strike me as a mental break down of some sort, and it's certainly stressful but i know that he did lose a lot of weight and he was passing a lot of gas, and before he had a complete melt down, it did seem as if there were very visible symptoms. my parents have pretty much given up and do believe it to be anxiety, but he showed me his urine the other day after drinking two litres of water and it was genuinely still very dark. he has gone to various specialists who have ruled out rheumatoid arthritis, cancers etc. but now he has to start cbt (hypnotherapy) which he thinks is a complete waste of time because he feels in constant pain, and that he cannot use his hands or move his neck due to a constant clicking pain. i guess my general question is, has anyone got any experience of this? or what would be some tests that we could do that the doctors may not have thought about? i'm quite worried because he says "you are my only hope, no one believes me, they all think i'm crazy but i can feel my bones eroding and i've ruined everyones lives, i'm going to just kill myself, i am in constant pain and no one is listening to me". he physically breaks down because the pain is unbearable and it's driving him insane. he has spoken to another doctor who has issued him with a super strong round of anti biotics as well as l-glutamine and some strong probiotics to take over a 2 week period. but the doctor has issued them without taking another stool sample recently. what can i suggest, i am all out of ideas and when i look at him he is clearly broken , but i saw the physical early symptoms (the belching, the urine, the loose stools and the weight loss so i know that he wasn't faking that. i just wonder if he has got himself into a state reading so much online about endolimax nana and how it eats away at your calcium levels etc and he is convinced that he still has it and that it is destroying his bones. would checking his vitamin levels be a good idea? i tell him he still looks healthy and he says ' no, no you don't understand, i am not, i am in a really bad way, i'm not gonna make it, i'm in so much pain, why won't anyone believe me!!!' and then he starts crying. he was never an emotional person and would never get anxious. i'm so sorry for the verbal diarrhoea and poor grammar i just had to get it all out. any help is greatly appreciated. | can someone please help my brother has tried everything, and he's becoming suicidal. | 4zlz2x | i doubt dipping in the blue lagoon in iceland made him unwell. sounds more like health anxiety, assuming no blood in stools. it can become extremely distressing, and people tend to get into vicious cycles over it. is quetiapine the only medication he has been tried on for the severe anxiety? [heres some self help on health anxiety - pdf](WEBLINK) | askdocs | 4zlz2x |
ok, starting to feel like a hypochondriac this being my 2nd post in a week lol. i've been on a health kick for the past few months and have gone down from 107kg to 103kg. i've got one of those fitness watch tracker thingamajigs (that is the accurate name for it) that keeps vibrating and telling me my hr is too high when i am on a run. when i look at the watch it's showing my hr as anywhere between 180-200. usually i slow down and wait for my hr to drop before picking up the pace again but i have pushed through on occasion as i have set myself goals and want to beat them. am i risking my cardiac health by doing this or is it just part and parcel of becoming fitter and healthier. one thing i have been noticing is that i often have a headache after pushing myself during my runs but have been putting it down to dehydration. i'm 32, 6ft2, 103kg. | advice about hr when running. | 91gfnp | there is not risk to having a high heart rate when exercising. that's a normal part of exercise, and getting your heart rate up is healthy. the very rough rule of thumb is that maximum heart rate is 220 - age, but note that that isn't a guideline, that's a limit of what your body will do. if you can push your rate higher, that's fine, it won't hurt you. | askdocs | 91gfnp |
so i have come to the conclusion after much soul searching that a large part of the disturbance and anger i feel is caused by me harboring resentment toward other people. example: i a recent meeting a dick head low level manager disagreed with me about the software system i'm rolling out and starting bring up all these issues and i basically told the guy he was wrong, didn't know what he was talking about and just kind of walked out of the meeting (other people were there). my hands were shaking like after a fight. since then i grind on what he said. i think about all things i want to say to this person. i create scenarios where i beat the person up. i scream at them in my head. i am passive aggressive toward them. they occupy my thoughts day and night and i simply cannot carry on like this anymore. i do believe that this person is an incompetent bully, but i don't care anymore i just want to be at piece. even when trying to sleep i see images of them appearing in my mind. it's really awful. here's what i have tried: - praying to god for serenity - 4th step inventory - flicking rubber band on wrist - calling people to discuss - practicing thought replacement nothing seems to be working. has anyone experienced anything like this? what methods have you found successful for managing these thoughts? | dealing with resentment | 567uok | two strategies are useful. first, anger and angering thoughts come with body arousal, so anything you can do to safely and wholesomely calm and relax yourself is good. simple slow breathing can really take the edge off for example. second, thought suppression does not work. for the time being you are stuck with the thoughts. mindfulness strategies that change your perspective on the thoughts so that you are less reactive and identified with them and more curious and detached (or "defused" as we say in the biz) help a lot but are tricky to figure out how to do. i recommend taking a mindfulness meditation class or joining a group, etc. good luck. | anger | 567uok |
i take a hefty dose of zoloft (sertraline) for anxiety, and i absolutely love it. it changed my life for the better. however, since going on the medication 1-2 years ago, i’ve noticed that it’s very hard for me to reach orgasm during sex. i knew this was a common side effect for the drug, but i’m not sure how to “fix” it. i am not looking to stop taking zoloft. more info: 25f, 5’8”, 155 lbs, athletic, sexually active, and healthy otherwise | sex on zoloft - how can i make it easier to orgasm? | 8ufxd8 | sometimes you can take a day or two off and have the sexual side effects reduced without losing effect. there’s risk to that, of course. there are also medications that can help. some, like bupropion and buspirone, are anti-anxiety in their own right. others, like sildenadil (viagra) aren’t. there are extra side effects from those to consider, and possibly added cost, but they could help if you’ve found something that works well but has one really big downside. | askdocs | 8ufxd8 |
my boyfriend and i have been dating for over 3 years. he is my best friend. one (and only for that matter) that i feel completely comfortable with being my true self in front of. in the past year, i have had many doubts about our future together. a few months ago, i did end the relationship, and felt relieved afterward. a couple days after the breakup, i started missing him miserably. after a month of being apart, we decided to get back together. now i am thinking it was the friendship i missed, not the relationship. when we first got back together, i decided to try harder in the relationship to make things work. at first, i was happier than before, but still not as happy as i wanted to be. eventually, the relationship seemed to have gone back to when we broke up. i was annoyed by his presence. i thought i should end it once and for all, but then i thought again it was me trying to give up too easily and that this was just a bump in the road. once again, i've tried making the relationship work for me. it is at a point now that i love hanging out with him, but when he says anything romantic or talks about the future, i feel guilty and sad. i see that he is trying and really wants to make the relationship work, and that tears me apart because i cannot reciprocate those feelings. i know that he loves me and he seems happy in the relationship, and that makes it so much harder. i have also become very close to his family, and i hate the thought of having to break up with them too. i guess i would like to know how i should end it without completely tearing him apart and how to possibly stay friends with him. i know that i would be happier if i ended it and endured the heartbreak, but the thought of losing my only best friend terrifies me. | (22/f) advice for breaking up with boyfriend (22/m) who is also my best friend | 5on205 | it's gonna hurt. no way around it. if he's mad for you, then spending time with you as a bf will be very painful. | relationship_advice | 5on205 |
it was - overwhelming. i'm still trying to work through everything, it wasn't scary and everyone was ridiculously nice. i was shocked at how big the group was for a 6:30 am meeting. | went to my first aa meeting this morning | 1jf318 | if you have questions, ask us. we have people here who know what they're talking about. | stopdrinking | 1jf318 |
is there any point in letting this get me down? i have no real friends irl. the only "friends" i have aren't even really my friend's their my fiance's friends, and he's closer to them then i will ever be so it doesn't even count. i used to have friends, but they have all screwed me over in some form (i'm sort of a pushover). i had a best friend for almost 10 years but she stole my grocery and phone bill money so i had to stop being friends with her. i also have social anxiety disorder so trying to make new friend's is the equivalent to walking on hot coals for me. i come off as bitchy or weird to people because i'm too nervous to start conversations with people and just wait for them to talk to me, which rarely happens because of said reason. my social anxiety isn't something that i can just shake off either which people seem to not understand when i tell them it's difficult to make friends. i'm in college now and i'm stoked to be there learning about something i love. but from a social standpoint i'm uncomfortable in my own skin while i'm there. being around people my own age makes it even worse. during lunch break i just wonder around all by myself awkwardly hoping people don't notice me and think i'm a total freak or something. i've been really letting it get me down the past few months, and i'm tired of feeling sad over it. when something goes wrong in my life i can talk to my fiance about it, but sometimes i just wish i had another women to talk to stuff about because somethings only women can relate to. or if me and my fiance get into a bad argument, i have nobody to talk to about it and i just end up going insane and taking it out on him even more. i don't know anymore. should i just face the facts that i'm meant to be friendless and try to live a happy life regardless or should i just get my hopes up that somebody will befriend me only to be let down over and over again? | should i just accept the fact that i have no real friends and probably never will? | 2fp7qa | the discomfort you feel may be caused by by a physiological reaction to perceived threat. there was a project in russia to discover the physiological differences between wild animals and domesticated animals that took place over 50 years. wild arctic foxes were bred to select for lack of fear of humans by choosing the least fearful of each litter as determined by the pups response to the entrance of a human into the pen where they were kept. at the end of 50 years of breeding a completely tame fox that was as curious and friendly as a golden retriever was developed. the difference between the tame fox and the wild fox was the secretion of the hormone oxytocin. i suggest to you that you are a little wilder than most other people and that you can tame yourself the same way that wild horses are tamed. the technique is called progressive desensitization. this will take some time. in the short term, you can practice conscious breathing, and dramatically slow down your breath while in the presence of others while simultaneously making mental notes of the details of the other peoples appearance and mannerisms. | socialskills | 2fp7qa |
confession of a frequent er visitor. 26 year old, male, 173cm, 66kg. for the last three years had various problems with health. i have an obsession with health and am very sensitive to any problems happening. i do excessive googling of a possible condition and end up stressed and convinced i have something. it does not cost anything to attend er in uk. i went there more than 30 times in the last 3 years. first i was concerned i might have diabetes (measuring my blood glucose) and ended up not eating much. i had symptoms that resembled heart attack and super fast paced heart and thought it is the end ... all tests were always normal. now, it is back to having problems with digestion - it causes pain and i go er. in addition, after eating my temperature goes to low fever and every doctor is puzzled why. but all blood and imaging tests never show anything. i went to gastro and she mentioned mild gastritis but was surprised about low fever after eating... anyways, my main point is ... how do i deal with my hypochondria and being convinced to have something bad? i feel like am abusing er and actual healthcare system. all the time they find nothing. should i go to psychiatrist? | confession of a frequent er visitor. | c2tvhn | do you have gps in the uk? | askdocs | c2tvhn |
i’m 27 f, 5’5 about 220 lbs and i have atypical anorexia/binge eating which i am about to enter residential for next week. i am on vyvanse, accutane, effexor xr, and yaz. twice at work i have been standing and felt like i was going to pass out. vision going black, cold and clammy, pale. i work in a medical setting, so the nurse took my blood pressure and it was normal, 120/86 and my sugar (sugar is very low when fasting, last time it was 59) and it was 100 after i ate a pop tart an hour prior for breakfast today. this is the second time this has happened to me this week. i’m not pregnant or diabetic...does anyone know what this could be? i know it may be connected to my eating disorders but could it be anything else medically? | 27 f having spells | 8orcyq | it could be all kinds of things, none of which we can diagnose over the internet. some are serious. especially with eating disorders the scary problem would be electrolyte abnormalities that produce abnormal heart beats that don't provide adequate blood circulation. if this happens again definitely go to an emergency room. | askdocs | 8orcyq |
i was about to get started on my essay when i checked instagram and saw your post with your new boyfriend, glass of champagne in both of your hands. funny. you refused to touch alcohol with me and hated the very taste, and condoned me for having the occasional drink. funny how things change. you promised to be with me forever, to marry me, and a week later you broke up with me. and two and a half months later you have a new boyfriend. i always knew that stuff about getting into another relationship atleast a year after the breakup was bullcrap. i hope you’re happy. i hope he keeps you happy and safe. you must be elated with not having to do long distance anymore. i hope he is a nice guy and gives you what you need. you always told me your ideal guy was a tall, dark-complexioned guy who is smart and studies science. i think you found him. i just never thought you’d leave me for one. i hope he can help you with your depression and panic attacks. i used to refer to a website to help and comfort you when you had anxiety attacks. hopefully the new guy won’t need that. sometimes i feel like this is a bad, horrible dream. i’ll wake up to your beautiful good morning texts wishing me a lovely day. but then reality comes crashing down on me. i love you a lot, my sweetheart. i miss poking your nose and tickling you and i miss running the back of my fingers on your cheeks. i miss our late night calls and i miss seeing your beautiful grin. i miss your family. i don’t know how i’ll ever get over you. i’m just going to look at this picture till it stops hurting me. i miss you so much, it hurts. but i’d rather die than let you know all this. edit: wow, this gained a lot more visibility than i thought it would. thank you to everyone who took out time to write something positive. i immensely appreciate all the advice and the thoughtful comments. i followed the advice and did the needful- blocked her off all social media, all messengers, deleted her number as well. it was a tough move, but it had to be done. now i can focus on moving on and getting my life back together. thank you. to everyone going through something similar, or any sort of hard times...talk about it. talk to your friends, family, if you’re not comfortable with that, talk here, pm me, anything. it helps. don’t bury the sadness inside you. time might heal everything, but you still gotta deal with the pain. godspeed. | i saw your picture with your new boyfriend today | 7f89vf | oh man i know all of those feelings. my ex dumped me because they couldn't do long distance any more. i thought i would marry them, we've talked about it. i was pretty close with their family. i helped them go through depression and panic attacks. i was always there for them. they'd post snaps about them going out shortly after we broke up and it ripped my heart into pieces. they said they would want to stay in contact, but they never put for the effort to do so, so it just felt like a lie. they had another panic attack and begged me to help them, since no one else did, so i did. after that is was the same that they wanted to still talk, but never put in the effort. i was alone, and did not have anyone to turn to since they were my only form of support. thinking back to it there were little things that added up, that i just ignored. i felt at times it was a 90/10 split and i just felt so drained for putting in so much effort into the relationship, and they didn't reciprocate. i did try jumping into a new relationship fairly quickly and it failed. i knew the time wasn't right and i needed to take time to myself. i shouldn't force something upon myself to fill a void. right now i have someone new in my life, and things are going well. i did not intentionally mean to meet someone like this, but it happened. if they do not work out, they don't work out. i know things are shit right now, and you feel like there is a hole in your heart. it takes time to heal wounds; physically and mentally. take this time to be your self, someone will come into your life when you least expect it. | offmychest | 7f89vf |
hello, i just got medikinet adult(ritalin) prescribed from my psychiatrists and while i was reading about the long term side effects i learned that your adhd will get worse when you stop using your medication. can someone confirm this? i am currently afraid of using it since my adhd is already bad and if i at one point want to stop using it for some reason i dont want to have it even worse. ​ here a snippet from an article: >they took 18 never medicated adhd adults and did pet scans on them before and one year later. they compared the adhd adults to 12 normal control subjects, also scanned at baseline and then a year later. the adhd subjects treated with the drug showed a 24% average increase in dopamine transporters, while the control subjects showed no increase in transporters. ​ age: 25 height: 185cm weight: 90kg gender: m medications you take: none(yet!) smoking status: not smoking previous and current medical issues: adhd duration and location of complaint: my whole life thanks for any advice | will medikinet adult(ritalin) make my adhd worse? | bphyzk | getting information from amen clinics is not a good idea. dr daniel amen is a notorious quack who uses un-validated methodology and bilks patients for thosuands. that said, here's the original paper: [long-term stimulant treatment affects brain dopamine transporter level in patients with attention deficit hyperactive disorder](WEBLINK), and a more recent one one ritalin specifically: [chronic methylphenidate preferentially alters catecholamine protein targets in the parietal cortex and ventral striatum](WEBLINK) but compare another recent meta-analysis and review (though not in adhd): [effects of stimulant drug use on the dopaminergic system: a systematic review and meta-analysis of in vivo neuroimaging studies.](WEBLINK) the overall summary i would give is that the picture is complicated and the basic science not ready for making clinical decisions. what is abundantly clear from larger-scale data is that treatment of adhd with stimulants like methylphenidate (ritalin) improves outcomes on a wide variety of metrics. the "may get worse" is very different from "definitely gets worse, don't take ritalin." | askdocs | bphyzk |
male, almost 23, 167lbs, 5ft 10in. occasional drinker. non smoker. taking clonodine and sertraline. i've found that i'm really struggling to feel rested. i go to bed and try to get up at the same time every day, but this is a challenge. it seems that my body naturally leans to sleeping over ten hours. this happens if i don't set an alarm or if my alarm doesn't wake me up enough. i also struggle to get through the day without a nap. the problem has definitely gotten worse since this quaratine started, what with less to stop me from oversleeping and napping. still, even when i stuck to a consistent 8hr sleep schedule, i was struggling with fatigue most days. i'm not sure when this problem started, though it seems to have been going on to some extent for years now. | struggling with fatigue/oversleeping. | gmqbam | some people need less sleep. some people need more. the bell curve isn't that wide, but if you feel better with more sleep, you might want to try giving yourself more time to sleep to feel better rested. eventually it could be worth seeing a sleep specialist to check whether there's a reason your sleep isn't restorative. if you have apnea, obstructive or otherwise, or even if you have frequent awakenings that you don't remember, that may well be treatable. | askdocs | gmqbam |
the person i am with fits this personality type to a tee. i need out of this relationship but am worried if i just break up and leave, she will make my life very hard. we have a child and i know she will make it hard to stay in contact. she is very manipulative. i've seen how she treats her ex and the relationship he has with his child. because she needs her facade to be whiter than white, the only chance i have is to find some leverage. for example, if i discovered she was cheating i know that would make the future so much simpler because in her view she would need to "repair" and not be the victim. being the victim is what it comes down to with her types. i need to leave without her being able to position it as being a victim. i know this is a bit rambling i just feel worried. | in a relationship with a covert narcissist | 6rxssf | if you need out, you should be out,,,just have to deal with whatever follows | relationship_advice | 6rxssf |
i haven't asked him yet out of fear and my anxiety, because i know people get addicted to it. the reason i know it works is because i took a few times when it was offered(illegally), and i mean literally only a few in my entire life. so i know it works, but i just dont know what to say to him. he put me on other anti anxiety meds that just make me feel blank and nonfunctional. i need some very sound advice on how to go about this... i dont want him to think that i want it for some kind of recreational use... when i really need something to make me function normally when my anxeity reaches its peak... edit: **thank you all for giving me ideas on how to discuss this with my doctor. i'm not stressing so much over it now. also it's nice to talk about this in general. thank you all, its appreciated. =)** | how do i go go about asking my doctor for xanax? | uu79r | don't ask your doctor for xanax. it's horribly addictive- and should only be used for very short teen use (no more than 4 weeks max). after that, it has been shown to cause brain damage and, paradoxically, increase anxiety in some patients. if you have anxiety problems- talk to a therapist. then, if they are severe enough, talk to a psychiatrist (not your family doc) about meds. | anxiety | uu79r |
i'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there. anyways, i've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid. he's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically. he's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to "disappearing", if that makes any sense. anyways, he wore this shirt yesterday: WEBLINK i'm not a brony and i don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but i knew this was my way in. some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and i thought of a way to quickly bond with this student. i assigned group work and while i was walking around checking on the groups, i walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, "bro-hoof". he gave me a fist bump and i swear his face lit up brighter than even i thought could be possible. he smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student. it's so crazy to see how a fist bump (bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory i've had to learn to be a teacher. life is funny. edit: thanks for the kind messages and reddit gold!! | just broke through to a student in a way i never thought i would. | 1gnxpy | that is awesome. you are a gem :) i had a similar experience with minecraft and cell phone games. where i live, it's "weird" for an adult to admit they are interested in such "childish" things, but relating to the kids about them really got me "in" when i'd been hovering on the outside. | offmychest | 1gnxpy |
i'd like to seek help with a seemingly very rare eating disorder: despite normal leptin & ghrelin levels & stellar bloodwork incl. no micronutrient deficiencies, i have no feeling of satiety/satiation. i eat 5 pounds of broccoli, 5 pounds of potatoes, 5 more pounds of random veggies, 3 pounds of chicken etc. but no amount of fiber or low calorie density foods or anything registers. i'm a nutritionist myself, ironically specialized in the topic of hunger control, have consulted doctors, but nothing fits, nothing helps. i hope this fits the scope of the sub. | request: over-eating disorder | 83nmle | sounds neurological. either your stomach isn't recognizing that it's full and sending out signals to the brain, or the brain isn't recognizing them. neuroreceptors and neuromodulators can become unresponsive. it sounds like the disordered eating is from a natural desire to feel full. do you end up feeling empty and hungry? you reported normal leptin and ghrelin levels but is that before eating or after? | eatingdisorders | 83nmle |
i recently got hospitalized for suicide attempt and i just feel everything spiraling. they prescribed me an antidepressant at the crisis center and i've heard voices before but i think sense taking the meds it has gotten louder, more intrusive and meaner. i don't actually know if its the meds or just my current state. unfortunately everything he tell me seems to be true or eventually happens. i lost my job, i can't seem to ever be in a relationship. i'm getting more paranoid, depressed and lonely. i just want to be good at something, make my father proud and love someone who loves me but he tells me it wont ever happen. he tells me i'll never have those and i'll have less. he's right though. i deserve worse. some of the thoughts are so bad i just want them to stop | voice hearing | 44hfnw | have you thought about getting mental health services? making sure your medication is effective, seeing someone to talk about all this stuff, might really help. | mentalhealth | 44hfnw |
i don't mean to toot my own horn but i believe i'm a popular guy, or at least my friends believe i'm popular. however, i'm always denying this notion as i don't know most of them very well. at most if i don't really know the person, i'd just say hi and have a brief convo and go on my merry way until we run into each other again. it's safe to say that i have way more acquaintances than actual friends. how could i start deepening these friendships i have that are just sort of sitting at the surface right now? especially with people i rarely see or run into. they sorta just sit on my facebook news feed. | i know alot of people, but i don't know them very well. how can i change this? | 14q04m | spend time with them one on one. ask them how they are doing, and let them know you want to hear the real answer. give them the real answer when they ask you how you are doing. share something beautiful together. | socialskills | 14q04m |
i think very negatively, i've tried to stop, but i just cannot stop thinking like this, and i also assume just because someone says something or does something, i assume it's because of me, for example, if i see my dad locks his bedroom door when he leaves, and he usually doesnt, i assume it's because he thinks i stole something, when in reality it's because of something completely different. or if i see my dad is whispering something to my stepmom, i automatically assume they're either a.) talking bad about me, or b.) they don't trust me so they keep it from me, when, in reality, it's because my little brother is asleep next to me and they don't want to wake him. please help, i just believe myself to be very cynical, but apart of me think's i've got something mentally wrong with me, i know i've got really really bad anxiety and social anxiety, but i have no idea how to fix any of this, and i feel like it's making my mind break down... i'm too embarrassed to go see a school therapist or tell my dad about this...but i honestly don't know what else to do.. | what does this sound like? | e378tt | what you're experiencing is actually a lot more common than you probably realize. it's sounds like some of your automatic thoughts are distorted, which can make you feel a bit paranoid. i'm a psychologist, and i experience this, too, at times. please don't feel alone about this, you are not. your therapist may be able to use cognitive behavioral therapy to help you identify these thoughts and reframe them. | mentalhealth | e378tt |
hello! 22 year old lady, i'll be 23 this saturday!! throughout my short life, i have called off my wedding due to the discovery of cheating and i just ended my last relationship because, again, of cheating. it seems nearly impossible to find "the one" this day in age. let me make it clear that i believe you can have an amazing relationship with more than one person, not just "one." i have tried free online dating and either got catfished or wasn't interested in the other people. i think it's crazy to waste hard earned dollars for a chance of finding love, eharmony can't guarantee that. besides, i just got my bachelor's. the student loans are going to drain me. my friends and family don't seem to know anyone they could introduce to me, which seems crazy since that is how people met back in the day. i'm really not that hard to get along with! i prefer pajamas and video games over fancy restaurants any day. i prefer getting flower seeds over real flowers. i'm also 5'2 and a natural redhead. i can't be that intimidating! so, how can i meet my future husband in 2017? :) | reddit, how do i meet my future husband in 2017? | 67m1we | have conversations with as many men as you possibly can....dating sites, social/recreational activities, etc. | relationship_advice | 67m1we |
sometimes i wonder if i have bpd. i'm just wondering if someone with bpd would actually recognize they have this problem for themselves or do they not see it as a problem? the symptoms don't manifest around everyone, just one person (mostly). i feel crazy with my emotions regarding this friendship. sometimes i wonder if my actions in response to my emotions (example, trying to pull back from the relationship) are just a way for me to manipulate the person into doing what i want or if i am actually just trying to help myself. but then, i don't even know what i want from the relationship to begin with. i get mad at the person frequently and constantly feel like they are abandoning me... but maybe they actually are? i have a hard time sorting out whether this perceived abandonment is real or not. they have told me that they feel like they need to "walk on eggshells" around me and have referred to my emotional outbursts as "episodes". is that true? do i make people feel that way? i'm confused. i'm hurting. i don't know how to deal with my emotions because i feel like any response could be seen as manipulative and i would rather the emotions just go away. | are people with borderline personality disorder aware they have a problem? | 6vpik0 | mentalhealthawareness commenter gives a really good description. if you had bpd, you wouldn't just be experiencing this with this one person. you would act like this around most people in your life and probably get the kind of comments you got from him from others as well. either way, whether you have a personality disorder or not, if it's this distressing to you, it's worth it to talk to a therapist. who knows, it could be this one person in question manipulating you, or maybe you do get this response from others and just don't realize it. you never know. exploration in therapy might help you figure this out. if you're never been in therapy before and you're in the u.s. hit me up if you have any questions on how to get connected. [-the web shrink](WEBLINK) | mentalhealth | 6vpik0 |
my oer community college textbook lists other defense mechanisms like reaction formation, but i notice that regression turns up no results \[ [WEBLINK](WEBLINK) \]. other less reputable websites list regression as a defense mechanism originating from freudian psychology. does this mean that regression is not recognized as a real defense mechanism? is there a more scientific term that describes the concept of regression? how would a therapist discuss regressive behavior if its not even scientifically recognized? | is regression an empirically supported defense mechanism? | bwhiki | regression is common when a patient experienced abuse or trauma at a young age. body language, voice and other mannerisms can sometimes revert to the age of abuse. survivors may regress in triggering situations, such as returning to visit a dysfunctional home. | askatherapist | bwhiki |
hello, we are blaž, jaroslava and rok and we are students of social informatics on the faculty of social sciences, university of ljubljana (slovenia). we would like to ask you if you could take 5 minutes of your time and fill out our survey. in this survey, we are dealing with the social relations in online communities, such as the subreddit you found a link to this survey on. all the answers are anonymous and will be used exclusively for research purposes. please answer all the questions as this will contribute to the quality and objectivity of the results. if you have any questions you can contact us at: socialrelationssurvey@gmail.com. thank you for your cooperation, blaž, jaroslava and rok. here is the link to the survey: WEBLINK | social relations survey | 4l9ufp | post will be stickied for 24 hours in order to support academic research. if you are a student or faculty member at an accredited university and you are interested in posting a research survey on /r/socialskills, feel free to pm the mod team and we can usually give you 24 hours of visibility. | socialskills | 4l9ufp |
i don't have an actual disability or anything, but my memory is...not great. i'm excellent with things like geography and random fun facts, i'm terrible with basic facts about the people i care about. i can remember their personalities and vague feelings toward them, but not what they did last weekend or other details about their lives. sometimes i'll ask a question like, do you have siblings, and then realize halfway through that it's not the first time or maybe even the second time i've asked. and that's just the stuff i realize in the moment that i've forgotten. for example, i went for a weekend away somewhere and texted my best friend that she and i should do a trip to the same place. she told me that she had gone there with her family about 5 times while we lived in the same city. that one isn't as bad as it sounds because both of us travel a lot and you do lose track after a while, but it's still pretty bad. people tell me things about their lives and i just straight up don't retain them. social media helps, but i try not to spend too much time on it in the first place and when i'm just scrolling through, it still goes in one ear and out there other. anyone have any strategies they've developed here? | how do i get better at remembering things about my friends' lives? | ci3wqh | i have trouble with this, too. honestly, you just have to force yourself to be mindful and actively think about what people are telling you. the more you practice active listening and mindfulness, the easier it gets! | socialskills | ci3wqh |
i'm just pretty confused at the moment. 8 years and we never fought once, have always been completely honest with each other about everything (the reason why we never fought) and really happy. was planning to propose this year. last weekend i went to visit my parents (last minute thing, mum is sick) and she met up with some friends at the pub and ended fooling around with some guy while i was gone. we've always been really trusting, i don't care who she hangs out with as long as she is safe. i never thought this would happen though. couple days after i got back she told me. shit hurts man. we talked about it the next couple of nights after work, her reasoning is piss poor. she gave in to temptation, a minute of weakness. i asked her what i wanted to know and told her i need space, at least a week or two. during that time i've done a lot of thinking. i could forgive her, i don't see myself with anyone else, i love her. we had a perfect thing going for 8 years. i don't know if i can get over what she did though, and i feel like it would ultimately kill the relationship. i don't want it to slowly die out but the chance might be worth it. kinda just need to talk this shit out with someone but my pride is too hurt to talk to irl friends. any advice? | girlfriend [25] just cheated on me [m 25] after 8 year relationship | 5vigai | trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of two things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. | relationship_advice | 5vigai |
[21f] went to have my first one today and did a little digging beforehand, coming to the conclusion that there should be no pain and it should only be uncomfortable. well that is not how that went. that was the most painful experience of my life. i don’t know if it is because he was rough considering the gynecologist practically jammed his finger up there or because i’ve never had anything stuck up there before but i literally felt so violated afterwards due to the severe pain. even now, 6 hours later i am still feeling some slight pain when i sit a certain way. told my mom about it and she is convinced that all women feel pain despite me telling her i don’t know if that’s true, and she kept invalidating me everytime i told her i don’t think he should’ve been as rough as he was. i just sincerely don’t think i should have been yelping in pain and i definitely wasn’t being dramatic. can i get some insight on this so i can decide whether or not i need to switch gyno’s? | is a pap smear supposed to be painful? | eod15c | it varies a lot from woman to woman i think. there are probably two major factors. one is doctor factors. if they don’t use enough lube or go too quickly or are rough then that can cause pain for sure. there can also be more pain if they use a larger than necessary speculum. one is patient factors. if your muscles are tense (if you’re nervous or not used to having anything in that area) then it will be more painful. trying to insert anything into a contracted pelvic floor is really painful. additionally, some women have issues with muscle spasms (vaginismus) or neuropathic pain in the genitals (vulvodynia) that can make exams especially painful. i would say that if the muscles are relaxed and the doctor is being gentle, most people without vaginismus/vulvodynia feel something in the vicinity of uncomfortable/pressure often with some pinching when they actually do the cervical sample. but there is certainly a range of normal. if you felt like the doctor was rough and you felt violated it makes total sense to find a new one. if you do need another exam you should let them know you have a history of painful exams - there are things they can do to make it easier, like using an extra small speculum. | askdocs | eod15c |
seven years ago i was raped. i have told many people this over the course of the last seven years. none at first, i didn't report it or confide in anyone. as the years went on i started to open up and received the mixed responses that most people reading this will be familiar with. at this point, more so than thinking about the event itself, i think about the impact. i look back on my life and am ashamed at my behavior and choices following my rape. while on one of these trains of thought i realized that while i had told people i was raped, i had never been completely truthful. because while i have been told for years not to blame myself, i do. i know i would never have been able to successfully prosecute him because of my behavior before and after the rape. it is my fault that he is still out there, happy, raising his son. i believe that if i were to tell anyone the pieces of the story i leave out, they would blame me just like i blame myself. i also believe that regardless of the responses i expect, it would be cathartic to do so and that is why i have moved out of the realm of lurkers within this community. i was fourteen when two adult men raped me while their friends watched. before i was raped, i was having consensual sex with another man. he was my age and was the person who invited me to the party. while having sex with him one of my rapists pulled him off of me and told him "i'll show you how she likes to be fucked" a little after this a different man joined him in raping me. i had been drinking. i didn't remember the rape the next morning. the next day i had consensual sex with another man. i continued to go to parties at one of my rapists' house and spent the next 3 years being extremely promiscuous. i thought that if sex didn't mean anything than i could make what happened to me meaningless- but i didn't want this post to be about the justifications i constantly tell myself so i will end my side of the story there. these are the details i have never added to my story and i am adding them now. it was rape. i said no, i tried to fight. i was promiscuous and thought i deserved it. i reacted by becoming more promiscuous. i no longer think i deserved it but i do think i have ruined myself. seven years later and i still have no happy ending. i didn't react the way women are said to. i didn't cringe at the touch of men, i encouraged it. i cannot forgive myself. thanks to anyone who took the time to read this wall of text. | the details i've kept secret | 21kden | i'm sorry that this happened to you. what you describe is a common trauma reaction to sexual assault. i'm a therapist and this:" i thought that if sex didn't mean anything than i could make what happened to me meaningless" is unfortunately something i see in my patients very often. please know you're not alone and the way you reacted is normal. you are clearly self-aware enough to have realized why you reacted the way you did... now you can begin to heal. bringing up the memories will not be easy, but it's important to exorcise them. if you haven't already, please consider therapy-- but make sure the therapist is someone well trained in sexual assault trauma (sadly, many are not.) <hugs> | rapecounseling | 21kden |
and i feel like doing it again tonight because i can't handle the stress and i feel like i need to punish myself for wasting so much time. i don't deserve anyone who try hard to make my life better. i feel utterly useless. i don't think i can do this anymore | haven't self harmed in 6 months | 65t1cp | "deserving" stuff isn't real. who makes the rules on who deserves what? i deleted the rest of my comment bc i realized op wasn't asking for advice. op, let me know if you want advice and i'll pm you my original comment. | offmychest | 65t1cp |
i need some help...first let me say that i have read countless threads on the whole "interfaith dating" thing, and i have concluded that every couple/situation is different, and i'm just going to have to see how things play out before i condemn the relationship and run. the biggest issue for me now is feeling like i am in love for the first time in my life, and i don't know how to handle it. i have always been fairly anti-social, independent, and totally ok being alone. i haven't ever truly "dated" anyone, and honestly never really desired to. i have always loved my independence, doing what i want to do when i want to do it etc. i always said i was too selfish for a relationship, which was probably accurate. i knew i wouldn't be good boyfriend material. in the last few years i have grown apart from most of my small core group of friends (no anger/drama, they are all just married, have families, etc.) i am also not that close to anyone in my family, we get along fine, but don't ever do much together. i guess that comes with being an atheist in utah. now, i am with this girl who is seemingly totally incompatible with me, but they say opposites attract right? i have known her for a few years, and we have always just been friends/acquaintances. i told her about a month ago that i really liked her, and she said she felt the same way. however we just sort of laughed it off (knowing each others beliefs etc.) and just said we should hang out more and be better friends as we really enjoy each others company. that obviously didn't last long. we were both frustrated being "just friends " and decided to just go for it, may as well find out if we are good for each other or not before we have to get "serious." it has only been a few weeks since then, and since then my mental state has changed dramatically. many of the things that used to make me angry don't anymore. i am happier in general, i have even caught myself smiling randomly which i never used to do. i guess you could say my general outlook on life is much more positive. look, i don't know if this girl is the girl for me. i don't know if i am truly "in love", or just in love with these new feelings that i have never had before. my big issue, is that i have spent all of my life being independent and content by myself. i have never understood love, and wasn't ever interested in trying. now, it's like my brain likes this feeling, and is trying to make up for 25 years of neglect. i lose my mind when she is not around. i crave to be with her, and when i am not i get really depressed. i am playing it cool, not being clingy etc. but it kills me to not be with her. none of my hobbies, etc interest me anymore. i can't sleep at night. now she is out of town for a week, and i am literally a disaster. it's only been 3 days at this point, and i just can't deal with it. i am glad all of this happened, but on the other hand, it stresses me out to now be a slave to this "co-dependency" feeling. i hate it. it makes me feel like a weak little bitch. any advice is appreciated, if you have read through this whole post i thank you. it means a lot. however please don't get hung up on the atheist/religious thing, i feel like i have done plenty of reading on that topic, and understand what it entails. what i am really having a problem with is the separation. thanks, john tl;dr: never been a dependent person, started dating someone, and now feel very co-dependent. not sure how to deal with it. | 25/m atheist currently dating 23/f religious girl. new to dating in general and need some life advice. | 5pdzt9 | you need a succinct summary at the bottom | relationship_advice | 5pdzt9 |
i’m autistic so i’m very prone to the classic ‘autistic meltdowns’. i feel like my condition stops me from being happy and normal, instead i’m viewed as very weird and obsessive. people in the past have scared me enough to barely talk verbally nowadays. i know if i were normal, i’d be happy and successful. no one will accept that my condition has made me a failure. yet i can’t talk about it to anyone about this, i just end up exploding and then overdose on my sleeping meds (nowhere near enough to kill me, but enough to knock me out pretty fucking hard). i dunno, i’m a mess tbh! :) | do you ever just want to talk to someone about your suicidal feelings but then anxiety grabs you by the throat and chokes you until you have a breakdown? | dxbjnh | have you tried medications like risperidone? | suicidewatch | dxbjnh |
i am 17m, she is 17f. she is my best friend, my only friend.... but i also have a crush on her. i really like her... well, that's all bullcrap, as it isn't related to my concerns rn, so, as i said, we are best friends.. we've been texting each other ovrr on social media since 4-5 months nearly, on a daily basis. we became friends after we started hanging out frequently with each other, in the library. we started talking about books, and things just went well from there. i was a nervous, antisocial wreck, who suffered from depression, and needless to say, i didn't like talking to anyone. i had tried to explain my depression to a person who i considered a friend, almost a brother, but he took it lightly. that's when she came into my life. she was just different. she didn't judge me, she helped me. she would always listen to me, and just help me find a way out. it is mainly because of her, that i have kinda gotten out of my depression. i owe her a lot. well, so getting onto the topic... we have our vacations right now, so i can't meet her. but, as usual, we have been texting each other. we always tell each other stories, funny ones, secrets and what not. but, since the last couple of days, her responses have been getting shorter, and more confined to a single sentence or two. i fucked up yesterday.. i replied to one of her texts in a rude manner... i realized that, and apologized instantly. she later said that she wasn't angry at me, and understood what compelled me to text her like that. she said there was something which was frustrating her, and she wasnt much happy about it. i asked her to just tell me if there's anything wrong, or if i could do anything. i even told her that if she isnt comfortable sharing it with me, then she could talk to her friends, or her mom... but she just replied that she is alright, and asked me to forget it. thing is, that i sense there is something wrong, and she isn't telling me what. i really wanna help her, after all she has done for me. but i just can't figure out a way to do that. i really like her, but i feel helpless atm. please, tell me what to do. **tl;dr** best friend/crush not talking to me much--- asked her what's wrong ---- said she was frustrated with something --- won't tell me what--- really wanna help her | need help in finding out what's wrong with my friend | 6bv7ff | calm down and butt out. because you depend on her so much, the stakes will seem very high to you right now, but she told you that she is all right and that you should forget it. people are allowed to be frustrated. don't compound her frustration by freaking out about this. butt out. | relationship_advice | 6bv7ff |
i just got off of a 10 day course of prednisone. i was on 40 mg for 5 days, then 20 mg for 5 days. i took my last pill on sunday, and since then, i’ve been very tired and have a headache, nausea, and very little appetite. i’ve heard of prednisone withdrawal, but i didn’t think it would happen after such a short dose. does this sound like withdrawal? and is there anything i can do to make it stop? | nausea after 10 days of prednisone? | 9is5z4 | being on prednisone feels weird, and sometimes great but sometimes bad. nausea can be a side effect of prednisone and more commonly nausea and loss of appetite can be from withdrawal. you don't have adrenal suppression that require a taper after only 10 days, but you certainly can feel the effects. it'll wear off in a few days, but those days can be unpleasant in all kinds of ways. i say this as a doctor, but also from experience as someone who has had a few short courses of post-surgical prednisone. | askdocs | 9is5z4 |
we are in out 7th year of dating, and when we started dating my boyfriend was not into sports at all. we were happily together with zero talk of sports and it. was. awesome. however 2 years ago when he started working at a bar he started getting really into sports. and it's not just watching the game everyday. he listens to the sport talks on the radio, and watches youtube videos, and reads up on the players. all. the. time. i feel like it's ruining the relationship on my part, and i can't stand it, and the other day he confronted me and told me that it isn't fair that i constantly complain criticize him for watching sports. i don't know what to do!! | i [22/f] feel like the relationship is getting ruined by my boyfriends (23/m) love/obsession with sports! | 765dbn | it could be anything. for anyone. one of the keys to relationships is balancing alone time and together time. all couples have to find that balance. be assertive, and if he's not receptive to the balance you need, than you're likely not compatible. | relationship_advice | 765dbn |
i posted on their subreddit asking about a particular manual decompression technique i've seen on youtube. i also mentioned that i would regularly allow my brother, who watches a lot of chiro videos, to perform these "adjustments" on me. now my brother is not a chiropractor, but he could fool someone considering he has the experience from countless hours of video. whenever we watch videos together he can accurately predict the exact diagnoses right down to the joints that are subluxated. the chiros on that subreddit got very defensive and made it sound so dangerous, which i don't understand considering i can pop my own joints whenever. it made me look into it some more and there is a lot of literature casting doubt on their profession. but i can't understand how it can be ineffective or a scam if so many people are propping this industry up. so i'm very confused but would still like occasional adjustments. am i wasting my time going that route? i am a perfectly healthy male but it feels good. | is chiropractic legit? | af0q7f | there is very limited and mixed evidence that chiropractic is helpful for lower back pain and a sizable body of evidence to suggest that it is not effective for many other conditions. chiropractors regularly overstate what they can diagnose and treat. there are also some risks to chiropractic manipulations, but they're usually pretty small; the bigger risk is relying on pseudo-medicine when you need real medicine. | askdocs | af0q7f |
hey r/relationship_advice , so this may be outside the realm of most romantic relationships that get posted here, but i don't really know where to post this and i would like some advice. quick story: last year i lived out of state with my gf and i. we broke up, and i lost about everything except the clothes on my back. my grandparents (who raised me and are like my mom and dad) said they would be happy for me to come back and stay with them for around 6-7 months while i rebuild my life. i did, and i saw that they could barely take care of themselves, their 100+ year old house, and their finances. i'm glad i came back to them. problem is about 3 months after i return my grandfather passes away. now my grandmother (besides myself) is totally alone. she doesn't have friends and the rest of my family don't really speak to her that much or come around at all. so, it's been about 8 months now since my grandfather's passing. i am by far more then ready to move out, but i keep staying because i really don't think she should be alone. i'm really wanting to live my own life, but not sure what i should do? she is a hoarder, her house is falling apart, and just a month ago or so i took a day off work sick (flu). i'm lucky i did, because she was in a diabetic coma and had to be taken to the hospital because she wasn't watching her sugar. i have no doubt she would have died had i not taken that day off work... i do mind living with her because she can be very cruel and abrasive. last night (nye) a woman i had been seeing for a few weeks and i split, because she couldn't be with someone who was 30 and lived with his grandmother. i tried to explain, but she didn't understand that i am here because i feel like i have to be ,not because i want to be. so please advise. i can't really afford to put her in a home, and i don't want to anyways, but i cannot live with her either. i'm not sure what to do.. | [30/m] need advice about my living situation and taking care of elderly grandmother. please advise! | 5li8dw | call the visiting nurse association. they'll get involved and coach you from there | relationship_advice | 5li8dw |
i think right now, there's no standard mechanisms to determine if a client's mental well being is improving in therapy i had a thought of introducing a mechanism where a client fills a questionnaire ever couple of sessions to determine if the client is making progress. this questionnaire would be similar to the depression questionaires(how much pleasure the client gets from doing things, how often the client feels depressed, etc) this is actually similar to personal training as well where you keep track of fats, carbs, muscle gain, etc the client and therapist could review this questionaire every couple of weeks to evaluate progress and brainstorm ways to improve | what mechanisms are there to measure whether or not a client's mental well being is improving? | fu2yj3 | this is very common. the measure depends on the presenting problem. in the past , i used the beck inventories . some therapists do this at every session . i think 12 weeks is a good amount of time. there has been research that shows that people generally improve 50% over 3 months of therapy . doing it too soon can frustrate a client who is not making progress . | askatherapist | fu2yj3 |
i love him. i wish for him to be happy. i’m not going to put him to his wife or the other married men that had sex that night. it’s not my place, but i can’t be friends with someone or people that could do that to someone they are going to be spending the rest of their lives with. i get that it was his last night as a bachelor. but i’m not going to be a part of something like that. i don’t know if they found the ring i left on the counter as i was supposed to be the best man. but i hope he found it and realized the significance of me leaving it behind. (he knows my stance on marriage and the holy sacrament behind it. me leaving the ring meant i no longer thought it was sacred). the reason i’m ghosting is that my parents have always instilled in me that if i have nothing nice to say. to not say anything at all. i have no words that any of them need to hear at this point. the wedding was 4 days ago and i’m still at a loss. edit: it was painful writing this and i wont lie. i cried a bit. i’ve known him my entire life. he helped me get my first date. taught me how to shave. he was my best friend and i thought the world of him. this has completely broken my heart but i have my own faith and convictions to stand by. i can’t let something like that slide because he’s my best friend. edit2 : title may be misleading. i did not have sex with the strippers. i left when i saw one of our married friends having sex with one and saw the others, including my best friend , we’re getting ready to do the same. these are guys i grew up with. close community. it bothers me that i didn’t know they were capable of that. | i left my best friends wedding after the strippers at the bachelor parter we’re having sex with us. i did not go to the wedding and have ghosted both families. | aqng9u | it's not your responsibility to tell. if you decide to take action, it would be above and beyond. | offmychest | aqng9u |
i apologise now for the massive rant. last week i went to see my cpn and therapist who i have a good therapeutic relationship with; or so i thought. then out of the blue, no warning nothing- they tell me they can no longer support me and want to refer me elsewhere for more specialist therapy such as psychodynamic and psychoanalytical therapy. i honestly have no idea what these are or what they entail but why can't they provide me with this therapy? i'm so confused and my therapist who i've worked with for little over a year now informed me today that she'll no longer be working with me; that was a big bombshell... i really got on with her and to be perfectly honest only just started trusting her so i feel like it's a massive smack in the face. i'm gutted. only last month she was talking about doing trauma therapy with me in january and supporting me for a lot longer and now this from nowhere. i feel so rejected. i don't get it honestly. anyways today my friend came to my appointment with me as last week i got myself in a right state over it and to be honest thought i was over reacting and misheard things but nope i heard correct. only today my friend asked how long for this to start, the response from my therapist and cpn was 'we don't know'. oh and another thing is they don't even know if i'll be accepted for this specialist therapy due to self harming risks... so i asked what happens if they say no, the response again was 'we don't know, we'll have to have a meeting'. i'm now left feeling completely rejected and abandoned by services. i feel like a lost cause and there's just no hope for me now. i thought after today i'd have more answers only i'm left with questions unanswered and a ton more questions. i honestly don't know what to do. | cpn referring me elsewhere | 6vdvna | when it comes to self-harm or any threats/attempts at suicide, we take it very seriously as therapists. did your therapist have you sign any contracts for safety or have you make any agreements regarding self harm that you breached? if this is the case, it's not unheard of for a therapist to refer out. generally if breaches of contracts such as this happen, especially if more than once, therapists may suspect other underlying issues and refer to specialized treatment which they themselves are not trained to carry out. in my experience it's fairly rare for a referral be made for psychoanalytic therapy as aperturedream correctly suggested, it's kind of old school and while we respect it as the foundation of our profession, it's fairly outdated. i would have expected possibly a referral to a dialectical behavioral therapy group if the primary issues are with self harm. my suggestion is to try not to take it too personally. this is always done in the client's best interest. through our own supervision, we have to figure out the best ways to help our clients and if we are even capable of giving the best possible care. if we decide that we aren't capable, it's our duty to help find someone who is. [-the web shrink](WEBLINK) | mentalhealth | 6vdvna |
i don't want to make him uncomfortable. i'm planning on talking about what kind of education i'm pursuing and how long that would take me. i would finish up school and everything by the time i'm 32-33. throwing a baby into the mix would make my goals much harder to achieve. major depression and bipolar disorder are very common in my family. i'm the only person in my family that has never had any mental health problems. everyone had something by the time they were my age. i was raped at 19 and again at 21 and getting sterilized would give me more emotional security. like, even if i can't control some things, i can still control that aspect. if i get raped again, i would feel a lot better knowing it couldn't cause pregnancy. the threat of pregnancy affects my sex life even with birth control. my ex freaked out when he found out i was getting deployed so he poked holes in our condoms. i found out and took plan b to get rid of it. i don't want that to happen again. i'm not sure if i want kids or not yet because it depends on a lot things (e.g. financial security, what my partner wants), but i do know that i won't have biological kids. i don't want something growing inside me for 9 months. the idea of childbirth is disgusting to me. i don't want to risk a medical professional sticking their hand inside me to check how dilated my cervix or whatever. there isn't a whole lot of control i would have over my body during the process. i don't want to be completely vulnerable in front of a bunch of strangers. the whole thing just seems terrible and i couldn't deal with it. i won't put my physical/mental health at risk for a biological kid. i won't sue my doctor even if i regret my choice because thats immoral. i'm willing to sign a contract and as many consent forms as my doc wants from me. i wouldn't fuck with my doc's career because they gave me what i asked for. i'm thinking some of this might be too personal or that it's not really something you're supposed to talk about. do you think i should take anything out? i feel like he might chalk this up to me being traumatized and recommend therapy instead. background: i'm 23, 5'0, 102lbs. i've asked 6 doctors nearby to sterilize me so far and they all refused. | am i going into too much detail to convince my doc to sterilize me? | 97e17h | i don't know what will or won't convince someone to do a tubal ligation. i will say that if you want highly effective birth control a copper iud is just about as effective—it's not perfect, but neither is sterilization short of a full hysterectomy. copper iuds also have a known effectiveness of 10 years and might work indefinitely, duration shouldn't be much of a reason to pick between them. if you do not and never want to have children, there's no inherent reason not to have a permanent procedure. for you, the convenience of not needing surgery and, maybe more importantly, not needing to convince a doctor of anything more complicated than desiring not to get pregnant *right now* might be of use. | askdocs | 97e17h |
so i have had problems with drinking for a fee years, (i'm 27) but can't bring myself to accept alcoholism. i was never the type that needed to drink every single day, or that had abstinence problems, i mostly drank on weekends and days that i felt the need to relax or get away from my anxiety. however i have had dire consequences from it, lost a girlfriend, jobs, embarrassed myself and drank in unacceptable situations. this weekend i went to a beach house with some friends, and i noticed that i simply can't be social without a few drinks. i don't talk, i feel embarrassed, judged and my anxiety goes through the roof. so i decided to take a chance and drink, and i was able to control myself. i had a couple beers and a few gin tonics and i felt great. i know this is a very negative reinforcement but it was amazing to feel like part of something and accepted again. i take anxiety medication, and see a great therapist who has helped a lot, but i still feel like me sober could never be fun, get a girlfriend or have fun again. i just suffer much more if i expose myself to these situations sober, and honestly don't see a way out besides drinking in acceptable amounts. what more is there to do? | it is impossible for me to be social without drinking | j9tpvp | i get this completely. you would be surprised how things can change when given the chance. it’s not something that happens overnight, but you definitely can become more and more comfortable in social situations without booze. one thing is for sure, if you constantly use it as a way to socialize, you will never learn to do it without it. eventually, it catches up with you too and doesn’t work as well. just a matter of time. it is definitely not sustainable long-term. | alcoholism | j9tpvp |
i just sent an important message (about three paragraphs long) and i reread it around ~10 times before sending. i'd get to the end, and everything would sound alright, but i'd still need to go back and make sure. i don't know why i do this, but i have similar tendencies when it comes to checking if i locked a door or turned something off. does anyone else relate to this? | dae read messages they're about to send over and over again | aoyjm3 | i have the terrible habit of sending things off too fast, then re-reading, and then agonizing over my mistakes. sometimes i go back and forth for a long time trying to decide if i should send a correction or let it be. | anxiety | aoyjm3 |
i need advice. both relationship advice and bedroom advice. i'm just going to cut to the chase, and all my problems are sexual so there's your warning. when i met my current boyfriend of 6 years, i had a high libido and so did he. sometimes i would want more sex than him which is *so surprising* to me now given how our sex life has turned out. nowadays: i pretty much could go without sex for a month or more and be fine. i still like giving blowjobs so we'll do that every other day or so (and i'll get myself off after), but when he wants actual sex i can rarely will myself to get in the mood for that; and here's why: i hate anal sex. just absolutely hate it to my core. i get no pleasure from it, other than a mild satisfaction that i'm making my partner happy, but it does absolutely nothing for me sexually. my problem is: my boyfriend doesn't care that i hate it. it's his main focus in the bedroom no matter what i say or do. if i tell him it turns me off when he tries to stick it in when we're having vaginal sex he'll act like it's no big deal, and it's a turn on for him, and if i want him to stay hard then i should just let him do it. but for me it's a bucket of ice water cause it takes me out of the moment and brings me back to the reality that my boyfriend *really* doesn't care about my sexual pleasure. it's so frustrating. and depressing. the first year we were together we were super compatible sexually. i could get off multiple times per sex session and he'd get off just fine orally or vaginally so i had no clue that there was something wrong. he mentioned that he was into buttstuff and i told him that it wasn't my cup of tea, but i'd give him double the blowjobs to make up for it. it seemed to not matter for a while but 3 years or so into the relationship it became a big deal. the only compliments i was receiving were about my butt and how he wanted to fuck it. and since then it's been his single focus related to me sexually and i don't know what to do anymore. i hate sex now because when we get into fights he tells me how *boring* vaginal sex is and how he'd rather not have sex than have to fuck me that way. but then the next time he wants to have sex he'll say that he was just mad and didn't mean it, but those words are stuck in my brain when we're having sex, and i can only think that he's bored during. i can get off vaginally but i haven't in so long cause he either tries super fast to get to butt action, or i can't even get myself into the headspace to come because of how bitter he has been in the past about vag sex vs anal. i just think about the mean things he's said about sex with me that way and it doesn't really heighten my chances of orgasm. when we first started having anal sex he would try to accommodate me in some way. like he'd rub my clit while he was doing it, but i can't ever get into the rhythm that i could possibly orgasm no matter what he does during anal sex, so he quickly stopped worrying about me in that regard. and that's pretty okay by me cause trying to get some kind of sexual satisfaction only to never have it happen was not fun. that said, my boyfriend pretty much gave up on me long ago. he'll sometimes offer to try to get me off after he has, but i'm usually far past arousal at that point and i tell him it's all right. i still masturbate fairly regularly on my own, but man oh man i just don't want the topic of sex to come up from my boyfriend ever. if a day goes by without him wanting anything, i'm relieved. and i hate that feeling. so i don't want to blame my partner 100% for my lowering libido, i am getting older (i'm 28, he's 33), and i have gained some pounds so my confidence is lowered in some regard... but i feel like he's destroyed our sex life with his needs and i don't know what to do. other than to just have anal sex exclusively for his benefit despite my discomfort/sometimes pain following and never get off with my boyfriend again. (that seems very dramatic, but 3 years of it being like this has worn me down. i'm at my wit's end. i love him in all other ways but how he treats me in regards to sex. so lost.) any advice is appreciated. i really want some non-"break up" advice cause i don't have plans on leaving him anytime soon. | i (28/f) am losing my sex drive due to my boyfriend's (33/m) particular sexual focus. nsfw | 6p0686 | never do anything you don't want to do. never ask someone to do something they are not comfortable doing. if one can't abide by those basic moral precepts, you're not mature enough to be in a relationship. | relationship_advice | 6p0686 |
i have been with the same guy on and off for the last 11 years. i have schizophrenia along with other mental illnesses and it sometimes makes me horrible at showing how i feel. i love him more than anything, but he feels unloved. i want to tell him i think it's because i'm mentally exhausted and that i'm going through a horrible time right now, but i don't want him to think i'm using my illnesses as an excuse. i never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me or give me special treatment because my brain doesn't function proper. at the same time i definitely don't want to lose the love of my life because i can't swallow what pride i have left. | how can someone explain to their significant other that their mental illnesses are the reason they can't show affection without it sounding like they're blaming their illness? | 67msjw | tell him you're doing your best to be as expressive as possible. if he accepts your illness, he should accept everything that goes with it. | relationship_advice | 67msjw |
• age - 39 • sex - f • height - 5’5 • weight - 175ish • race - white • duration of complaint - 4 years • location (geographic and on body) - brain & southern us • any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - dx bipolar at 35 • current medications (if any) - lamotrigine, sertraline, buspirone i was diagnosed recently with bipolar disorder but i didn’t show any signs until i about 3 years ago. i’m willing to accept bipolar as a diagnosis but! i’m worried about the possibility it’s not bipolar. some of the symptoms do fit - i’ve had difficulty with work; staying focused, and planning out and completing the projects. which means i’ve had difficulty staying employed. i am newly terrible with money, i ran through all my savings buying things. like right before i had a baby, i bought a 5k playhouse for older kids. for example, last month, i bought a $400 pan and had to borrow money to keep the lights on, when i do this, i don’t even realize until later what i’ve done and the consequences - it’s as if my brain takes a holiday. i forgot to pay my taxes a couple of years ago. my husband had to rush around and pay late fees because i simply didn’t do it. consequences be damned. the meds have helped. i’m not nearly as irritable and i have more energy but i’m still worried - . i’m going to see a doctor tomorrow. is there anything i should ask? i’m perplexed and a little freaked out because i read most bipolar after 30 is not just mental illness. | could my bipolar be dementia? | bzf9dg | i won't comment on the accuracy of your diagnosis, but i can say that bipolar disorder can appear at any point in life. it's rare, but it does sometimes first manifest at over twice your age at diagnosis without being due to some other neurological problem. | askdocs | bzf9dg |
hi! i’ve been diagnosed whit picos for around 3 and a half months now , i’ve come to terms whit my desease , i’ve cried a lot , got really depressed mostly because i gained about 60 pounds in less than a year . now i’m on a quest for weight loss and wellness , i’m on birth control and also metformin i’ve heard a lot about low carb diets and i really tried , but i don’t seem to find a diet i can follow anywhere , also i’m really worried because i really don’t have a lot of money and time to follow a really strict diet , and having almost no carbs really makes me hungry . do you have any tips or advise you can share here , i know my request my sound a little hard , and i know that diets mostly are hard , expensive , time consuming and not fun at all , but experience overall can lend cheats and shortcuts over the desease? also i went to a nutritionist about it , and explained my condition and got told that they couldn’t help me , i really got sad about it , by now i m pretty much trying to educate myself whit as much information i can , if you know about books , diets any sort of advise i’m pretty much open for it :) thanks also sorry for my bad english | best diet for pcos? | 8rhb9f | i only lose weight on moderate carb diets (~ 75g most days). i do cico and generally eat around 1250 on inactive days, 1400 on active days and track to keep myself accountable. don’t eat much dairy though i love it. i also shoot for 25g of fiber daily. i follow the flo living protocol, which involves tailoring macros to each phase of your menstrual cycle. | pcos | 8rhb9f |
my mother in law has a history of psychosis, and has been hospitalized for it 3 times in the last 10 years. she had an episode beginning last week and reached out to her regular provider, which is a nurse practitioner with the ability to prescribe her meds. after not sleeping for 6 days and being given a new anti-pyschotic and still not sleeping, we convinced her to be admitted to the hospital. the np has admitting privledges and agrees she should be admitted, but told us we had to go to the er. the er is full, so my mental ill mil, who thinks that everyone in a uniform is plotting against her is sitting in a hallway in the er, there are police and medical professionals everywhere, she is bugging out. we have been here 5 hours and all they did was a 5 minute interview with an er physican and we are awaiting transport to the behavioral health unit. why were we sent here? we can't afford the $1000 co-pay for an er visit, and we've received no care here. why is the hospital doing this do her instead of admitting her directly at the direction of her primary care doctor? | why am i being forced to go to the er? | 5vednu | any update? i assume that you are in the us, whose mental health provision at times sounds completely illogical to me, so ill defer to an american mental health professional to give you a definitive answer. was lack of sleep the only symptom? if admission was indicated, id agree with you in principle, the initial assessor who as access to inpatient beds should be making the call. it could be that there is a suspicion of an underlying medical cause that might need excluded via er though. or maybe the np was being a lazy shit. | askdocs | 5vednu |
preface: i grew up around, but not with my mother until i was about 12 years old. during the 12 years i lived around my mother, i lived with my grandmother. my mom would be in and out of the hospital, or usually out having fun. we did spend some time together though. from 12-18 i had no physical contact with my mom, i lived in a different state, and i was homeless or in fostercare. from 18-22 i went to college in a different state. so from 12-22 years old i rarely saw her, but we communicated every so often on the phone. i moved closer to family after college, my mom doesn't live in this state, but she does visit every few months. problem: my mom can't drive, and hasn't tried since she was about 18 years old. my mom has never had a job, and there hasn't been much time in my mom's life that she hasn't lived with my grandmother. my mom still lives with my grandmother to this day. my mom has not planned for the future, and does not do much nowadays other than eat, and sleep. she does not have any money saved up, but she does get government assistance. i am worried about what will happen when my grandmother passes away. i can't spend time with my mom 24/7 like my grandmother does, because i have dreams, and a life of my own. i also am in a career field where i hope to be traveling a lot in the future. also, part of me feels like i raised myself, and i shouldn't be responsible for my mom for the next 30 years after my grandmother passes. giving up your adult life is a lot to ask even for someone who was raised by their mom. i want to talk about my mom all of this, but my uncle has advised me not to. i think this is something she should be aware of in advance, so she has time to plan, and get accustomed to the idea, rather than being hit with my grandmother's death, and the thought of not living with me all at once. my uncle thinks that it won't do anything but make her sad, and she won't plan for the future anyways, and i have to say he is probably right. i'm at a lost for what to do, and i'm feeling real anxiety about it all. my mom is actually pretty smart, and most of the time she is in her right mind. she hasn't had a schizophrenic episode in many years. i'm worried i'll have to give up my life's work to take care of her until she passes, which would kill me inside. i'm hoping reddit can give some advice on this, as i'm lost. even now my mother is extremely dependent on me emotionally, and it's going to be exponential once grandmother isn't there. for example she will call me 5 times in a day at times, to talk about nothing in particular, and when i don't answer she calls my gf 10 times in a row. when we are busy and not able to answer she will get sad. tl;dr: my [24m] schizophrenic mother [48f] has been dependent on my grandmother her whole life, i'm panicking about what will happen when my grandmother passes away. | my [24m] schizophrenic mother [48f] has been dependent on my grandmother her whole life, i'm panicking about what will happen when my grandmother passes away, what can i do? | 6kcfi8 | i would talk to your grandmother first to see if she has made any arrangements for your mother in the event of her passing. does she have guardianship or power of attorney over your mother? if so, she may have the legal authority to arrange care for your mother. if not, you still have other options. your mother likely qualifies for a diagnosis of serious and persistent mental illness (assuming you're in the united states), which opens up many opportunities for support services. case management, armhs, medication management, payee (managing finances), even semi-independent or assisted living can be available to help manage not only her mental illness, but her life in general. she will need a diagnostic assessment from a mental health provider if she has not had one recently (usually in the last year), but they will be able to make appropriate referrals. if your mother has difficulty describing her symptoms and impairments, insist on attending the appointment with her and describe your concerns. she'll have to sign a release of information for you to do so, but it could be well worth it to get the care she needs. good luck to you, and please know there are services that can help. your mother's care does not have to fall solely on you or other family members. | relationship_advice | 6kcfi8 |