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Hi everyone, I'm giving writing a go to try and cope with my PTSD. I was recommended to start a blog on an app called Vocal, you get paid per 1000 views, but that doesn't really matter to me, it'd be a cool bonus though. This blog is for people who need someone to relate to, so maybe they don't feel alone anymore or that they feel as if someone can understand them. I've only started today but any support would be so appreciated, a blog is the only way of helping myself and helping others at the same time, I have one post up at the moment but I'm going to write as many as I can. | minimum | 2,797 |
I lack a support system. My mom is dead. My father lives over a thousand miles away and does not care about me. My ex gf left months ago. I now have limited/no friends. Okay now my sad story is over. I do not know what to do. I thought making money and working hard would make me happy and make the people around me happy. Hint: it does not. I guess I am lonely. I want to have someone in my life that will talk to me and care about me. I want to care about them. I guess I want to have a purpose or someone to share life with. Today I watched the sunset. I wish I had someone to share that with. I start to think the world is better without me and what is the point? All I have now is my career. I admit I probably pushed others away or did not understand their problems. Now I am alone. Now I am sad. :( I fear I am becoming depressed (Male 26) | mild | 21,250 |
Like I am missing something When I have no will to live it feels like there is a hole in my heart | severe | 23,610 |
I used to be very passionate about helping people. I had so much optimism and good will in me, knowing that I am not an expert I still hoped that I could cheer people up. I remeber trying to put words together so they would not sound cheesy but also be understanding. Sometimes you do not know what to say. What could you anwser to a question like "what is the point of it all if we are going to die anyway?"? At first, you get stunned. But then you say that life has it is good sides and bad times make us appreciate them more amd we should use the one shot we have at life. I remember giving such anwsers almost automatically, without really thinking about it. It seemed obvious, right?​Flashback to now, I had a suicide attempt 3 months ago and got stuck in a psych ward for a while. I got out by not speaking about my thoughts, I guess doctors thought that if I do not talk about something, I do not think about it. But to be honest, suicide never left my mind. I think about it every day. I want it. I crave it​I got results of my end of high school exams. I did very well, far better than I anticipated. The moment I saw the results I realised I hoped they would be awful. That way I would have an excuse and more bravery to end it all I am not sure why I am writing this here. To be honest, attempts at trying to comfort make me sick. I feel like puking every time I see another "You matter ". Even those of you with the best intentions will be able to write a comment like "I know it is hard, it will be better. Blah blah blah" which will make me roll my eyes. Even if someone means well, how can you not get annoyed hearing the same things over and over?​In a week I am going to another psych ward. I have exactly 0 faith in it. I have been going to therapy since I was 4, my number of therapists has entered double digits. Truth be told, therapists do not have any magical recepies for fixing you. You hear from them the exactly same bullshit you would see if you googled "motivational quotes for depressed people"​I guess the only reason why I am writing this is because I cannot really talk about it to my friends. they would mean well and tell me the same things as everyone but I really do not want them to see the type of anger those cheesy lines invoke in me. Tonight I will probably tie and untie nooses out of boredom whishing I had enough courage to try again​If for some crazy reason any masochist will decide to comment on that post, I am sorry in advance. I will be very angry and irritated because everything you can say I have heard millions of times. you are better off spending your energy on someone else I used to be a supporter like you guys. it is a lie though | severe | 27,606 |
At first, I could still do some short work but by 2015, it was a no go. I applied for SSI and SSDI in Dec, 2015. Denial after denial. I had a lawyer. Final hearing in front of the ALJ was April 3rd, 2018. | moderate | 1,622 |
I always have disagreements with my mom. I hate that when we argue, she thinks she is always right. I feel like she is a big big bully. Last night, i raised my voice because she was raising her voice at me. Then i puked like 1 tablespoon of blood in front of her. Today, she brought me to the doctor to check if i have ulcer. I do not have ulcer mom I am depressed and you are causing my depression. My mom brought me to the wrong doctor | mild | 13,808 |
Nearly a year into my gender transition: What I've learned. MtF : I thought I escaped the depression. From the first dose of my Spiro and Estrogen I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders. It was time to be myself and thrive. I enjoyed it. I no longer needed to hide. After a couple of months I thought I'd try dating. Of course, I expected the hate messages. I expected the slurs. What I never expected was the amount of men that maintained interest after I disclosed that I'm transgender. What I soon found was a pattern. A pattern I could not escape. It was in this moment I realized what being a living fetish is like.
For the past nine months I've been nothing more to men than a source for pictures and a discreet fun time. I still fall for the player saying he wants something more than hooking up just to be used, ghosted, and hit up when he is drunk and horny. The first few times hurt my ego but I recovered. Having the same story for nine months straight makes me question if this is all that life has for me.
I want nothing more than to just connect with someone. Talk with a guy about life and get to know each other. But. The only attention I ever get are if I post naughty pics or nudes. Once I show and indication that I'm human they ghost. I've made a few trans friends and the story is the same. Doesn't matter how pretty. How much they pass. We're just a fetish and nothing more. It makes sense why they're all either depressed or escorts.
I've fought the desire to end it completely so I no longer have to deal with the loneliness. It's a crippling loneliness. I'll never find love. | moderate | 9,036 |
And I don't ask for the nightmares to drain me of all energy and make me feel worse throughout the day the harder I try to be normal. I was planning on seeking counselling without my parent's knowledge for this condition once I get to university and get settled, but now I'm wondering if I'm going to be told the same thing by a therapist there. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, just people who share my experience or know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry if this seems kind of ranty or rambling, my thoughts are a bit of a mess and I'm not sure what to think. Thank you for reading all this, anyhow. | severe | 59 |
I reject my diagnosis : My doctor diagnosed me with severe depression and I reject the diagnosis. I don’t think I’m depressed, I’m quite a happy person. I’m just alone and wish I had better environment. I can also be unproductive at times but I’m trying to work out how to solve that. She prescribed me with Citalopram, but I’m not going to take it. | severe | 12,394 |
i be fine 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 | moderate | 35,691 |
I guess this is my suicide note.So my name is Yasir Hanif. I use the alias Daniel Steel because I have been using it since 2015 and think it is cool. I am Muslim. I am also homosexual. I am 17 years old - i was born in 13 September 2003 - and I have decided that death is only the last option for me.Life has been pretty fucked up since 2021. I hear people say that 2020 was bad but i had no problem at all during that time and was relatively happy. 2021 was really bad. My life is destroyed. I have nothing left. we are middle class citizens in a 3rd world country and it is awful. I used to live in a foreign country and it was awesome there. its been 6 years now since i moved back. This year was so awful i do not have any reason to live anymore. first i lost a cousin. After that i lost my aunt to covid. one month later i lost my grandma. she died 2 weeks ago.I am a 12th grade student. i wanted to be a gamedev. my father hates my life. i did not tell him that i want to be a gamedev. i just told him i wanted to go in the computer field. he forced me into biology in 9th grade. then he forced me into pre engineering in 11th. i was begging him that i want to study computer but he is not happy about it. he hates my decisions. I hate myself. my father is very controlling. i am honestly glad he works in a foreign country. but he is coming back and he will fuck me up. i do not love my self either. I am 17 and I am only 5'1. I am overweight as well. i am pretty good in school and get very good grades. but my father just fucks me up every time.everyone in my family thinks I am a loser. they tell me I am worthless because i do not play sports or have any friends. they never understand me and often criticize me. they are right in thinking i am disgusting.its taboo to be homo here. when i was 14 i figured i was homo. i was stupid. this kid kept hitting on me. one day before school started he told me to follow him. he took me to the bathrooms and raped me. then he told me that he would tell everyone if i said anything. he told half the class. i was harassed every day in school. after 10th grade his friend threatened me and took me to his house. he would do this every week. i was forced to have sex with him a lot. i never told this to my parents. nobody knows I am homo. i endured that man for 2 years. he left my town a couple of months ago. i cried in the bathroom after that.high school was great. i loved 11th grade and i was so happy. then covid came. still, i was fine. then this bullshit happened. i have my final exams in 5 days. and I am going to fail.I have never failed in final exams in my entire life. but this year i will. classes never happened. in the last three months i started to go to a tutor. it was a lockdown here but nobody ever bothers to follow guidelines. but it was not enough. i do not know anything this year. I am not going to get good grades. my father will disown me and throw me out of the house. he will not pay for my college. he is been mentally abusing me so much. he kept telling me that he would not pay for college if i did not get a scholarship. and hes a man of his word. he will not do it.so I have decided on a plan.i know my paper is not going to be great. if by gods miracle it is, then i will stay. if not, then i will jump off the roof of my house. I have recorded a suicide note on my phone. maybe my parents will see it.i know nothings going to get better. my entire life i longed to have a friend. just becuase I am introverted does not mean i do not want friends. but no one will be my friend. I am just scum and i always will be. my little baby sister is the reason i eat and sleep and live. but i do not want her to have a useless brother. she will have to live with a complete mess that is me. people will mock her for it. i will not let that happen.so I am going to kill myself. if you read this then thank you. do not stop me. i just hope to god that none of my family members ever find this post. i do not want them to be even more disgusted than they already are.bye. My plans | severe | 31,917 |
i attempted suicide and I am wishing I was successful because now I am stuck in a rut they took every knife and medicine away from me and idk how to kill myself now The only thing keeping me from killing myself is that I do not have access to anything harmful | severe | 26,821 |
That is it I guess. Walk Into a silent river peacefully to never have to come out of it while violin plays in the background I just want to rest | mild | 21,779 |
We had 2 classes together, so we spent a few hours together most days working through problem sets. This next semester, I won't even have that. I'll probably be in more isolation this time around. Any tips are appreciated. Thanks! | minimum | 3,345 |
In my mid 20's and worked shitty jobs all my life in my locality. I do not have any prospects, and no pathway to something to drag me out. do not even have a general area to pursue, which makes it difficult to even get motivated or hopeful. The past year has been even more isolating and difficult, and I feel like a she will of a person now. If I am not in work it is difficult for me to even get out of bed, cos I do not see a point anymore. Talking to friends is triggering because I do not even remember the person I used to be when I was alive, so I have pulled away a lot from them. I do not know how or where to begin, or if I even can get back to a position of existing beyond living on autopilot. Being reminded of events a few years ago is like reading about a stranger, and I do not even know who I am anymore. it is hard to express this, and I do not know if anyone will understand or relate to what I am saying, but I feel totally lost and hapless at even expressing my current outlook and emotions. At a certain stage I will not have it in me to even keep this up, cos the struggle is gnawing away at me day by day. Is it too late? | mild | 19,342 |
Word of the day: Clairboyance, n. the ability to perceive the future as bright and fluffy | minimum | 40,985 |
Not sure wether to take it or not (Overdose) : I'm currently sitting on my bed with 6 pills of 5mg tranxene in my hand... the amount my doctor told me take was only 5mg based on not enough evidence.. but that didn't seem to help.. so i did my own research and found out that the maximum safe amount i should take in one dose is 15mg...
I have been going against the doctors orders and taking those pills constantly... now I'm sitting here with 30mg of those pills in my hand even considering to take more... and I'm unsure if 30mg is fatal or not.. or if i really want to overdose... i am afraid yet I'm also very much tempted.. i just want the constant pain to stop.. i want to be at peace.. | severe | 12,381 |
I am 16 almost 17, and I do not really know if I have suicidal thoughts, but I have no friends probably because of my default mental state of negativity. I see logical fallacies on a daily basis, especially when arguing with people. Right now is just one of those times where I just do not want to live anymore, I feel like I have no place here. About to be a senior but completely failed last year of high school due to lack of motivation. I have been playing a lot of basketball as that and video games are the only activities I get pure joy out of, nothing else really brings me much joy. I do not really want help, I honestly do not know what I want. I do not really have issues with confidence, I smoke weed often, and I lost all my close friends to toxicity. I do not really feel close with my family, I am probably closer emotionally to my dog, and I am pretty good looking according to other people but I cannot get a girlfriend or talk to anybody without feeling closed off emotionally. I am not ready to leave this world yet, but every time my emotional state gets this low I get closer to the edge. Any good advice? | severe | 29,774 |
Why. Why is it always me. No matter who I find or who I fall in love with they always end up using me for my body. I am not just a pretty face and a nice body. I thought I found someone I was going to spend a long time with but no. All he wants to see is my body. We had nice times together but all I am to everyone is just beauty on the outside. Everyone fucks me then leaves. I am so tired of feeling used and I am so tired of being lonely I just want someone to be here and love me for me. I am so tired of being love deprived. And on top of that my family shows me no affection what so ever and I do not have friends cus I am easy to hate and I am just so done. Every time I think its going even slightly good, something always happens. I am just done. I am never going to find love am I? | severe | 27,612 |
I just need tips on how to get out of this mental state of avoidance. I am tempted to get back into CBT for low self esteem because my therapist said if it got bad again, I could go back any time. (I had 6 sessions before) Is anyone else in the same situation or has anyone got any experience? I know I posted something similar recently but writing in this subreddit really makes me feel less alone. | severe | 1,170 |
Anyone here work at a place where it is atcually ok to take mental health days off? I am curious because the stigma attached to mental health still feels so unaccepted in todays society. All in all I am looking for support as my current mental state is in the shitter. Its seriously fucked up that you can take sick days off when physical ill but its not allowed when your mental health is deteriorating. | mild | 22,754 |
This is going to be a long (and not first) post on this subreddit.I am a 22 year old man, and even though I do not like it either when these posts start with a list of things people do not like about themselves (they suffer from eucharist syndrome I am going to), I believe these are in relation with my problems. I am gay, autistic, virgin, pursuing a useless degree (we will return to this), no driving lisence, barely any money under on my name, and below minimum wage income. My future is looking bleak and tbh worse than that of everyone around me. Though they can only help so much. I have yet to find the passion, drive (or whatever that makes you go from point a to point b) in my life.Who can tell well it all went wrong? My tiger mom? Maybe. My emotionally distant dad? Who knows. Sheltering and undersocialisation? Maybe. I have been dealing with depression and suicidial ideations since age 10. My parents made me go to a foreign language school (they wanted me to mingle with other "elite" kids) which so to speak was the most traumatic experience of my life (crying and begging my parents not to make me go there, can you guess wheter they listened?) I was bullied daily for 10 years of my life.Everyday of school was a struggle, to say I got used to this is an understatement. Even in my head I cannot find my own place in life, regular panic attacks and feelings of dread come in every month or so, demoralising and demotivating.Recently got an internship in a business consulant company where I constanly underpeform due to lack of knowledge in economics, drive and the problems listed above. I got the position on the promise that I will start a Finance BSc next semester. If being late in life in other aspects already was not enough, I am graduating with a BSc at 26 which makes me feel terrible. The feelings of dread and inadequacy just cumulate and I am getting close to being overwhelmed. Wierdly enough in times like this I want to talk and meet my mom. I want to get back into the womb where its warm and safe unlike outside here, sheltering, sheltering. I have wonderful friends and family members who love and support be but being so much behind in life compared to them and not being able to keep their advices in my head makes me feel terrible. Since my experience with most things is utter failure it does not make for a good though pattern does it? Afraid of life and in general of everything, but wierdly enough people see me as "normal-acting" (sic!) I guess at least I was always good at masking.This is one of my dreadful periods, each is worse than the previous. Feeling more lost than ever, positive thoughts occuring less and less. I really want this to end. Thank you. TL;DR: Years of abandonment, avoidance and deperssion resulted into a warped sense of reality which is self-fulfilling. What an ellaborate way to say I am depressed.PS.: There were ofc lot of things I did not mention which mounted up to this state of mine, but I consider those a result not a because. Thus unimportant. [CW: Suicide] Why I might commit suicide very soon, advice and consultation welcome! | mild | 13,237 |
Sorry this is a rant. I need to take it off my chest. I work for the government in a important area and I just want to say, it does fucking matter where you work. Especially in the government. They are people who are leaching off others, no training (even though this is a very important area to help citizens) no staff, no resilience (1 person does a job that only they know how to do ) no guides, shitty IT and so on.I have worked in the private sector and it was shit yes, I thought in public would be slightly different. I should not have high expectations of anything.I cannot even leave, I am stuck. If I leave it is going to be way worse where I end up. I do not have any specific qualifications either it is just various on the job experience. And If I leave I do not have the stability, as in a public job you will be guaranteed a job. If I leave I would not have the guarantee.Not to mention I am the only one that is full time in the department. I just joined less than 2 years ago and I have no idea what I am doing and now they are just leaving me the only full timer.But when I have one of the managers having a laugh that they cannot wait for they 4 work day to end...my blood is boiling....I do not want kids but it appears that I need to sacrifice another sole to this filthy planet in order to have some kind of downtime.....i.e. having a kid to have reduce working hours. All the women in my department have fucking babies and ....bless it is just so hard for them to maintain their life with only 16hrs a week.....I do not have a rich husband to sustain me like other people.....Not to mention the colleague that she is only in 2 days a week in the office and 1 day working from home is the mental help "champion"... No shit. I think I would fucking be Moses with only 3 days working week.And I cannot get even 1 day working from home because the phones need to be answered. Fuck everyone Rant - hate people , hate work, hate everything | mild | 21,893 |
I am on summer break right now and this is probably the loneliest/lowest I have ever felt. My friends are not exactly the most sociable so I have spent most of the summer alone, and I am so tired of being alone. I start university in two months and I am trying to hold on until then with the hope of meeting new people but I do not know how much longer I can hold on. I just want everything to stop so I can stop hurting like this. I just want it all to stop | severe | 31,510 |
I need therapy but I'm too scared to ask for it. : I want to tell my parents I need therapy and how depressed I am, but they'd just say I have it better than so many people and that I'm lazy; that's the response I get any time I mention something about my mental health. Also, if I tell my school, they'd notify my parents and it would be an absolute shitstorm if they found out that I didn't tell them first. I'm so hopeless and I don't know what to do at this point. What should I do? | moderate | 3,638 |
I have been falling deeper and deeper into depression recently and now the only person that was keeping me above the water all this time is about to start dating someone and even though they are not together yet, I already feel like he replaced me with her.. I never talked about my issues with him (even tho he knows I have them) but he is aware of how much he means to me so it just hurts being abandoned like this by pretty much my only friend.. The worst thing is they have only been talking for like a week now (even though they have known eachother for about a year) and today when he got a new job offer, I found out about it by him showing me screenshots of the messages he sent her hours prior. I just do not have the strength to fight life anymore and I do not know what to look forward to.. Am I a shitty person for expecting him to stick around or is he a shitty friend for what feels like replacing me? 22M, slowly losing my only hope | mild | 18,460 |
Sorry in advance if some sentences do not make any sense as I am not a native speaker. Most of my english comes from memes and series. I am 25 years old male, big loser with no education and living in a shit hole. I have been depressed since I have been concious, and the pain has been gradually increasing to a point that I feel like I cannot take it anymore. My father was not present when I was a kid, and because my mom had to take care of me alone, she overworked herself so she could sustain her kid. The absence of my father and mother in my life hurted me a lot, and while I despise my father for leaving my mom when she was pregnant, I can totally understand why she was absent and trying to give me a decent life to her best efforts. I was physically abused by my babysitter on a daily basis. It was very hard for me to articulate to my mom what she was doing, and this ended when a friend of my family witnessed what she was doing to me one day. After that, I started living alone in our house because my mom could not trust anyone else to take care of me (this was when I was 9 yo). At my 11 years of age, I was sexually abuse by a woman that was 4 years older than me. The experience was very traumatic and sex has always been very difficult since then. All of my romantic relationships have ended in abandonment from my partner, and I wonder if the sexual abuse that I suffered earlier has to do with that. I deserted my undergrad (Mechatronics) because I was scared of failing again in life, and running always seemed easier and safer (I deeply regret this now that I am older, but it is too late to go back). Now I am stuck in a third world country with a very high crime rate and extreme poverty, with no education, no good jobs prospects, nothing. I was very close to end my life a few days ago, but my current girlfriend decided to call me randomly and I broke down into tears and told her everything, and she convinced me to not do it. I have never tried suicide before, but that day I was completely commited to end my life violently and for good. My current relationship is long distance. she is in another country, with an ok job and is on her way to become a permanent resident. Because of my lack of education and preparation, it is almost impossible for me to go to where she is. We met when we were younger in the current country that I live in, and we had a relationship but she left me for reasons that I did not know back then, and then we reconnected few months ago and we are together again (yea, I know that this was a very bad decision). I have decided that I am going to ilegally inmigrate to a first world country and gamble my life there. My options are limited and I fucking hate life so why not? This was a decision I made before I got into this relationship, but now that I am compromised with someone, and realised that there is no way in hell we could be together because she would have to leave everything just to live together with a good for nothing. It really sounds ridiculous. She says that she is deeply in love with me, and would do anything to be together. I feel like what is going to happen is that she is going to realise that she had to sacrifice a lot for an unknown future with someone that is a loser and will end up hating me. I also deeply love her, and I do not think I could forgive myself ever. I want to end my life. I do not think I can fix my situation, and even so, the temptation of killing myself will ever go away. I am so sorry for my mother that had a very rough life, and it seems that I am about to just make it more miserable for her. I hope that my mother, girlfriend and friends could forgive me, but maybe that is asking for too much. I definitely do not deserve any of that. Thank you for reading my story. Am at my wits' end. Thinking about death feels like peace. | severe | 23,161 |
I thought that sounded fun so I agreed. The whole way there I was so nervous and anxious. And during was kind of fine but I was fairly scared. it ended up with my friend also having sex with me and I agreed but I was so wasted. Afterwards I felt so sick and repulsed and freaked out by what had happened. | moderate | 1,666 |
This is quality shit posting. | minimum | 39,910 |
Apologies in advance if this post is long, Ill try to have all the detail in as few words as I can.Quick background: I am about to be a junior in college, good home life, a lot of friends, very intelligent, plenty of struggles with anxiety but never anything too extreme.In September of 2020, I suffered a head injury playing pickup football with some friends. It did not feel serious at all and I was back in the game a few minutes later. The symptoms did not kick in for about 10 days.In hindsight, it was probably a mild concussion and nothing too major. However, I had no idea what I was dealing with, so I treated it probably exactly how you should not treat it. I worried about it constantly and pushed myself with school, partying, etc. there is not a lot of wiggle room when it comes to slowing down in the college life so I just continued to try to push on, which ended up being a bad idea. I was up and down with symptoms for about 6-7 weeks during this time.In late November, I suddenly crashed and everything went to shit again. All of the sudden in the course of a day I became totally dissociated and my brain fog increased tremendously. I thought it was nothing more than a symptom flair at first, but eight months later I still deal with these symptoms 24/7, and they have destroyed my life.I have done everything, seen all the doctors I thought would help, and nothing has given me any relief. I have been constantly dissociated since that time and my brain functions at a fraction of the capacity it used to. It makes life fucking terrible to live. I can still try and do things I did before, but I can never enjoy anything due to the way I constantly feel. My motivation is pretty much gone. Driving feels like a life risking activity every time I do it. School was next to impossible last semester and I am no better for this one coming up. My sleep has been horrendous since the injury and I was also recently diagnosed with Celiac disease (which I only found out thanks to the injury, so that is cool ig)The silver lining is that I think the problem here is that all the worry and anxiety has been trapped in my brain and the trauma surrounding the worrying is the issue rather than actual brain damage. I was not officially diagnosed with depression but one doctor thought that is what could be prolonging my issues. Even with this knowledge I cannot find any relief whatsoever. I really struggle to tell people this: first because its very personal, second because I struggle to share my feelings, and third because I have always been a guy to light up the room and now I have to act because I do not want to bring peoples moods down when they are around me. The people in my life know I am dealing with this but nobody knows the level of suffering I deal with mentally on a daily basis and I find it really hard to be honest about. I feel like my future is totally in jeopardy and I am very hopeless right now. I wanted to get this off my chest anonymously. | mild | 20,573 |
Have never been a talker. It is who I am since I was a kid.Surprisingly, this offends my mom, who is fully aware of my condition, to such extent. She would try non-stop to chit chat. My depression is making me tried enough to find something to eat yet the attempt continues. I usually reply with short sentence or just a word. When my depression is at its peak, I just do not want to response. That made her so angry she burst out loudly that if I do not want to talk to her then she will not too. This is not the first occurrence. I can barely feel anything. I cannot find even a single objective to keep me attached here.Only thing I feel now is a bit of guilt, probably will went away after I sleep.I have been doing what I could for the past years.I never ask her for money. I went to college even it is my root because of fear and depression just because she asked me to.I never do bad stuff or creating problems. I always help her when she asked although with occasional satire remark, I delivered.I contain all my shitty feeling to myself, not wanting to burden her with it.And yet, it is not enough. Apparently in her book, a good kid is a kid who would actively talk and share their thoughts which is nothing like me.I should not have been here. I just do not want to talk or to be more precise. not to speak. | mild | 16,955 |
it is pretty much set in stone that I am going to end my life myself and it seems like soon. I just have no idea when.And really that does not matter to me at all, I just wish that I could get out of it, but by whatever cosmic contract I signed to allow my soul entrance to this world through this body, I am GOING to end my life at some point. It scares me because I know I am going to but equally scares me that I do not know IF I am going to.But I WANT to end my life. it would be better for me for a lot of reasons.Better for life for a lot of reasons.I was not strong enough to live this life in this body and I have to pay for it. I am sorry everyone who knows me and sees this.I love you. Not sure when | severe | 26,762 |
I have never been the type to keep things dirty. I like organizing and planning. But these past weeks, I cannot even bring myself to clean up my room. That usually end up with me being scolded by my parents and even tho they know I have depression, they do not think doing daily tasks should bother me this much, I am just being lazy etc.Am I ? Am I being lazy? I do not know. I am tired. I just showered and i did not even want to stand up. I wanted to get out. When I did, I just went back to my shitty room and that did not help. I feel so bad but I do not have the energy to fix it. My room is a mess | mild | 19,788 |
I cannot do this anymore. I am at my breaking point. I cannot talk about this to my family because I do not want them to worry. I cannot talk to my mother about this because I already tried. I recall my mom saying something like "we are all depressed here." Those are not the words I wanted to hear. Hearing those words I felt a sharp pain in my heart. I cannot really talk about this to my father because he is a drunk. I cannot talk about this to my siblings because they mean so much to me. I cannot make them worry about me. It would break my heart. I cannot talk about this to my friends because I lost them a long time ago. I lost all my friends because I wanted to isolate myself from them. So when I did kill myself it would hurt them less. Haha I remember even telling my best friend at the time this. I hope she forgot about me, and live her life peacefully without me. I have this feeling for years, and it just will not shake off. I honestly wish I was not me. Thanks if you read the whole thing. I Just cannot Do This Anymore | severe | 28,511 |
& see if anyone would feel bad about hurting me, yelling at me, abandoning me, neglecting me, & abusing me. & i hate to say it but i genuinely want people to feel like absolute shit about me being dead.. & finally see how much pain they put me through. I want them to know that THEIR words & THEIR actions caused me to take my life & Ill be gone forever because of them.I want them to hurt the way i do. tbh, i really want to die JUST to see if anyone would care. | mild | 12,703 |
I just want to know what its like, just fucking once. I have gone my whole fucking life without it. My dad hit me more times than he hugged me. My mum did not give two shits about me, tried to kill herself 3 times before I even turned 12 just to prove that point. And that is not to mention all the other shit they both put on me. Never even had friends growing up, moved around too much, just did my best to assimilate with new groups by wearing masks and leaving them behind just as quickly.Only ever had one friend in adulthood. Think she did care about me for a while, but I fell in love with her and she did not feel the same way. Between that and my constant mentally ill bullshit, guess I scared her away because she is barely spoken to me at all for almost 2 years now and I have not seen her in just as long.Never had a girlfriend either. cannot imagine it would be anything but a total fucking disaster and I do not think I can handle losing someone I actually care about because of my own bullshit again. Tried using shit like Tinder but it fucking sucks. Besides, I know I am not good enough for a relationship so what the fuck am I even trying to accomplish by asking women out? Sex is just fucking pointless to me at this point so I really do not know what the end goal is and I just stop bothering.I know people say you have got to love yourself first but I do not know what the fuck that feels like because I have nothing to go off. Feels like I am caught in an endless cycle of cannot be loved till I love myself and cannot love myself until I learn what being loved is like. Its fucking torture. do not even think it fucking matters anymore, think I have lost the ability to be around people anymore anyway. cannot handle it. Every time I have tried to make myself be around people or make new friends I just get fucking agitated with everyone and want to be left the fuck alone. cannot even hold down a job anymore because I cannot speak to the public on a regular basis without doing shit that gets me fired. People just aggravate me and I do not know how to fix that. Medication does not fix it, does not do fucking anything, neither does therapy. Guess there is no solution.Just so fucking sick of being completely alone in the world, having to do all this shit by myself every fucking day, with nothing ever getting better or easier. And its a fucking catch 22 because the longer this shit goes on the harder it gets to be around anyone, the worse my truest issues get and the more I realise I am probably always going to be fucking unstable to some degree and Ill never be good enough to have relationships and shit because I have got nothing to offer but chaos and self-destruction. I just wish one fucking person loved me | mild | 19,100 |
Wow I have the most talented community. Give this a ❤️ or be cursed for 7 years. https://t.co/xcpzYF2PgF | minimum | 41,740 |
3 years without my cousins and there be nothing i want more in life than to be with her | moderate | 34,755 |
I wish I would die or someone else would take my place. I should be happy I have a son on the way. But I am not I am trying to be better for him but I am a bad person. Ill lose him in the end and will be alone. This is dumb I am a terrible person. He deserves better but what if I cannot do it. I cannot keep my emotions in check rn I feel so alone. Everyone I loved has left. I have some family but I am just a burden to them I know it. If they were not good they would leave too. They must feel obligated. I wish I could go back. Back to when I was not pregnant. I should have ended it then. I do not deserve to live. I do not deserve him. I am scared of losing him. I probably make no sense. Maybe this is just a weak moment. I am back again | mild | 19,176 |
Despite that, all the following is true: * We have both called each other BF/GF and referred to there being a relationship * We have had (oral, but not PIV yet) sex a few times, slept together naked, and have had many intimate conversations, including the last time we saw each other * We both mentioned early on that we aren't currently dating anyone else * We have both talked about going to specific events and doing things together in the future | minimum | 2,292 |
I feel like I have been losing support recently, and I take that as a sign that I should stop resisting suicide.I talk a lot on a mental health support forum. It seems whenever I talk about my "break-up" (almost relationship), I do not get a very good response.I self-harmed the other day, after being unusually upset about seeing my ex. I said:>If I got any worse, plan was to call an ambulance to the store, but there was no-one at work that I trusted.This guy said:>So next time you are triggered by seeing your ex, what is "your plan" for dealing with it in a healthy way instead?Another person suggested that I was not actually dehydrated, it was just psychological stress. Kind of hard to believe.He said that I am responsible for my own reactions, and that I should not call her "my ex". He apparently calls his own ex "the mother of my children."I feel like people cannot imagine what I have been going through. I have never been in a real relationship before. No-one who tries to help me can understand what that is like.I am so much more hopeless than even people who have committed suicide... so why would I fight it?TLDR: Title. When did you stop talking about your thoughts? | severe | 32,451 |
People here have much bigger struggles than me in life as to why they want to till themselves, mine is that I am going bald.I am 17, my dad, uncles, grandparents, and even great-grandparents all have the same hair they had in their 20s. I am fat and ugly already and my hair was the only source of confidence I had, now that is gone too. Everytime I look at the mirror I feel like crying, I am happier when I dream about being a completely different person. I already have low self esteem and no friends and this does not help my case at all.I do not even know why I am posting this I just wanted to talk to someone about it. My dermatologist said it was only temporary but I can see my hair looking thin in pictures going all the way back to 2019 when I was 15. If there was a way for me to kill myself tonight I would do it, I would just be happier dead. I am a selfish, vain piece of shit and want to die | severe | 29,102 |
I am sick and tired of people just leaving me in the dust. I try so hard to be the best person I can but it is never good enough for anyone I have no point in being here because I am not good enough for anyone or anytbing. I need to kill myself so badly but I cannot work up the courage to go thru with it. I am going to buy a glock and hopefully it will be easier to just pull a trigger then hangibg yourself Never good enough | severe | 23,944 |
They just never say how much. You win some, you lose some. | mild | 20,122 |
slowly push everyone away | moderate | 33,912 |
The only reason I do not is because i feel so bad about how my brother will be all alone and my father will be depressed.. I wish i could explain to them that i really want some peace of mind and death is the only way i will ever get that. I have wanted to end it for months | severe | 24,165 |
They should make euthanasia legal because not everyone is cut out to live in a capitalistic society. The reason why it is not legal is because the rich would lose like half of their labour slaves. Unpopular opinion | mild | 22,768 |
Do people just fake being excited? : Recently there was Christmas and yesterday there was New Year’s Eve. I don’t know about other people but me personally, there wasn’t a moment when I felt exited about my presents (even though I got actually good ones) or when we entered 2020. I just felt numb, people seemed to be happy/excited and all so I just went along with it and put on a fake smile, said thank you for the presents to be polite and during New Year’s Eve people shouted « Happy new year! » with a big smile on their face, they seemed genuinely happy and I didn’t want to ruin the moment so I smiled and said it back but in reality I couldn’t give less shit about starting a new year. I just... felt numb. Empty. As if it was just another normal day except the food for dinner was quite nice. I honestly would’ve rather get a good night sleep than stay up until 3am.
So here’s my question: do people fake being excited during such events? | moderate | 6,949 |
There is not anything interesting about it, it is so boring and meaningless, most humans suck. Life is not worth living | mild | 21,669 |
I do not know if it this is apropriate for this subreddit, but i do not really fell suicidal anymore - just been doing a lot more self harm, lately. I like to have a beer or something, but lately I just do it to hurt myself. I have not been caring bout my health either. I feel bad and do not take any medicine, and if I take them, I make sure I take a lot of them. I do not know if you get it - I am doing little things, everyday, just to hurt myself, or expecting it would hurt me. Self Harm | severe | 29,086 |
You want someone to feel emotional pain?? Why?? I think that sounds wonderful if no one could cry at my funeral, I would not want to bring emotional pain like that to someone, especially if its someone I care about. I think that is the thing driving me from ever kicking the chair. I hate to offend but I think that is selfish to wish for someone to feel emotional grief like that, have you seen someone go through grief??? Its terrible. Its ugly and painful and I would not wish it on anyone. So why would you want someone to go through that? Sorry if I hurt someone by saying this, I do not intend this to be offensive, I am just astounded that people genuinely think this and I want to know why? I hate it when someone says no one is going to cry for me when I am gone | mild | 13,322 |
Do you remember that pure happiness and joy when we were kids, where did it go ? We feel some joy but not like that when we were younger that warm happiness ,Is it chemicals ?Things we saw and knew about the world that fucked our brains ? Why most of us feel stuck and suicidal ? I am not native sorry about the mistakes Why we feel unhappy without obvious reasons | severe | 24,013 |
the best reason to love a person be to love a person for no reason at all | moderate | 33,161 |
can already tell that my fate be go to be annoy | moderate | 35,299 |
Got into a car accident in march and it was my fault and I am dealing with a lot of repercussions from that currently and I have like 0 money to take care of it. My car got totalled in the process and the other person ended up with a dent, and I feel like that is lightweight my entire life. My dad died in 2017 from lung cancer(28 days before my 18th birthday), and he struggled with addiction so we were never close. I lived with my mom until I turned 18 and she also struggled with addiction, which lead to her leaving and not talking to me for 2 years, and she ended up living with me for a year in 2019-2020 and her and her boyfriend moved out to be homeless and now they are living out of a motel. it will be a month since she last contacted me which is fine, I have no desire to talk to her or anyone that does not care about me or how their actions affect other people. Idk, I have been dealing with a lot for a long time now between childhood trauma and adult life being garbage, and I kind of just want to give up I guess. I have no support besides my boyfriend who I am so thankful for, and my friend who I am also so thankful for. I just do not think I was made for this life, and I do not think I ever will be. I know it could be a lot worse too, so I try not to think of my struggles as the end of the world but also its been hard as fuck to just let everything slide past me for so long with this mindset, and I just want some goddamn compassion or some sort of break for all the shit I have had to put up with, and i thought trying to be a good person and doing good things and following my moral code despite growing up around dysfunctional adults would give me some sort of good karma. It has not, but it makes me feel a little better to see other people happy, so there is that. Idk you all thanks for reading my vent post and i hope your lives get easier too. Life is Lame | mild | 20,211 |
Heart won't stop aching : This is the first time I've been truly open about my depression. Usually I'm able to manage it, but I think I've hit a new plateau and now my heart won't stop aching. It's been 3 days and the aching is unbearable. I might actually die from a broken heart, which is something I welcome. I've had a death wish for a long time now.
I've had my depression since I was in High School. I grew up in an abusive home (physical and mental) and no matter how times DYFS, now called CPS (Child Protective Services), came for a home visit they never "saw" any abuse happening. I now own a copy of every report for when DYFS was called. It's 200 pages thick, not exaggerating. You think if they had printed the entire history they finally see something wasn't right. But, that's just a side rant about a broken system.
Since I grew up in a broken home I was a bit weird and didn't understand half the things I said or did were not normal. This led me to be ostracized by my peers and even by my teachers to the point that they would sit by and watch me be bullied because of the reputation of my parents. I once had a student jam a pencil into my head and I was sent home for self-defending myself against him.
This caused me to be alone to my thoughts 24/7 because I couldn't express myself at home or outside. I had no friends, no family, and no support. This caused be to become severely depressed by the time I was 14. I didn't even cry anymore because I became accustomed to the pain of being alone and the abuse and thought it was normal.
When I turned 18 I ran off with a man I became engaged to after only knowing him for a month. I realize now I was just trying to escape my life. I would end up enduring 6 months of mental torture from this man. He would lock me in the house with no way to contact anyone in the world. Tell me how beautiful I was, but then an hour later berate me for how hideous my body looked. He would secretly tell his friends what a terrible cook I was and how worried he was to leave his dog alone with me for fear I might kill it. Even though he would use a "baby voice" to ask me to cook for him or watch his dog. Some nights I had to sleep on the floor because he would be mad at me for something. But, my mental psyche didn't truly break till after he raped me and started withholding things in exchange for sexual favors.
I was at a all time low with my depression and anxiety that I took a whole bottle of Tylenol and poured the contents into my hand ready to commit suicide. I stared at all the pills in my hand for what felt like an eternity. I raised the pills to my mouth and looked at myself in the mirror and started to ball my eyes out. I didn't commit suicide, but something did die that day inside of me. Looking at myself in the mirror getting ready to kill myself really put things into perspective to me. After an hour of crying on the bathroom floor I got up and escaped that night from my ex-fiance.
It would take years after that for me to get my life on track. But, I managed to get 2 degrees, a decent job, friends, and a dog of my own. I went through a lot of healing from my past and reached a point in my life where I was a bit happier. I mean my anxiety and depression were very easy to trigger, but I was able to recognize my own toxic traits and manage my depression.
Despite being the strong independent person, I still couldn't find love. That wholesome, intimate love. I'm now trapped in this generation of ghosting and insincere emotions. I'm trapped in this pattern of feeling like I connected with someone until they ghost me or tell me "You're a great guy, but I just don't think we're romantically compatible" or feel like I was used for sex.
Then I did meet someone who I connected with very deeply. He was so sweet to me, very kind, compassionate, understanding. It really felt like this was gonna go somewhere meaningful and then out of the blue he tells me he has to end things because he's moving after matching in another state for work/his research. He said it was a difficult decision, but it didn't make sense to have a relationship if he was going to be moving. I would of been willing to move with him and now my heart won't stop hurting. I don't know how to respond to his messages anymore. I can't even cry it hurts too much. I haven't been able to sleep and my heart hasn't stopped aching. I honestly don't think it's going to stop.
Life has just been so painful to me, especially with love that I wish I could just die already. I've already become completely numb to ever being open to love or emotions so what's the point anymore? What's the point of healing from your past, if the present doesn't return the favor? I don't know what to do. I just want to stop hurting already. I might not even wake up tomorrow and I'm praying that will become true. I just can't do life anymore, it makes no sense to me.
I've tried to be a good person, hoping one day I could reap the rewards and now my life is almost halfway over and still nothing. I don't even know why I'm writing this out, it's not making me feel better.
TL;DR: Grew up with depression due to abuse from home and school. Turned my life around after attempted suicide. Met someone who I fell deeply for and suddenly decides to break it off from me. Leaving me in a pit of depression with my life | severe | 12,216 |
I am just done. Years thinking I was in the wrong. I am tired of being the scapegoat for people.I am too tired to enjoy life. Or care.A bullet to the brain is my plan. I am good, I am exhausted | severe | 32,506 |
Hey @GothamChess.... hey man long time no talk huh. I don’t know if you saw the chess games today but I did alright. I don’t know if I really need it. But a chess lesson might be fun sometime. Lol. Maybe. I don’t know. Lol. | minimum | 41,654 |
I just can't get out of bed : I'm sick. I can't get out of bed. I am stuck. Can barely read. I wish I was dead. IDK how I managed to get so far.
I'm always tired. | moderate | 9,016 |
So I am a 24 year old virgin guy and I am just too shy to talk to girls and its become even more awkward now that I am so old yet still a virgin. I have decided to give online dating a go but I have had absolutely no luck because almost everyone is a bot or does not reply to me (I am an ugly mf and I am boring so I do not blame them) Anyway I have given myself 3 months (till I am 25) to turn my life around and get in a relationship and lose my v plates etc so was just wondering what other people would do knowing they only have 3 months to live before they potentially self-forever-sleep. And yeah I am serious about the suicide part. My only friend already talked me off a train bridge just a month ago by saying everything will get better and everyone has problems etc but being a lonely virgin is not something you can just 'fix' overnight (well it is but you get the point haha) and yeah I am not going to be a 25 year old virgin because next thing I will be a 26 year old virgin and so on. What would you do with 3 months left before suicide? | severe | 28,787 |
never lead someone on do not play with people feel because you be unsure of your own | moderate | 33,490 |
Dehydrating and starving myself till slow damage, in jail if i do jail time. that is the timer.if i do not it wants another timer.Red Blue Green. White lightOne dark and one white an image. Isolated myself to the point of no return, everyone in society has changed, my mom has weirdly change because I have isolated. who is real? Who remained the same? Who has not changed? | severe | 31,820 |
I did not want to hurt you ever, so I am glad you hurt and left me first.Celebrate the pain, turn it into champagne.Id say I hope you choke on it but, I do not really mean that. I want to hate you so badly, maybe enough time will give me that. Or maybe you will just be forgotten, that would be even better. I am so glad you are celebrating what you did to me. | severe | 27,634 |
Not sure what to write, but I am going to treat the comments like a mini journal because I have low-key had one of the worst weeks or two of my life and it has all been self inflicted in the worst way possible. Even worse than that, I am in a hole that idk how the fuck to get out of (I have tried, I promise) Dissociative & Depressed, Mini Journal | mild | 12,735 |
I know people love me. My great grandparents, my dad, my little brothers, my mom, my cousins and aunts. My boyfriend. But I feel like no one loves me. And its so hard to explain to them because they do not understand. I feel suicidal sometimes and I wish I could do it, but then I think about my great grandparents and my brothers and how could I do that to them? I wish I had no one so I would not have to think about them. My boyfriend thinks I get depressed for no reason. But its not just one thing that sends me into an episode. Sure, its that one thing. But along with 50 other things that were on the back burner all hitting me at once. I just hate myself so much. I try not to compare myself to others, but once I do, I just start thinking about how much better everyone is and how I am wasting space just floating by. I wish I was never born. I start crying then my boyfriend just thinks here we go again.. He tries. But nothing helps except sleep and time. I am not motivated at all. I have no interests. I just scroll through social media. No desire for sex. And I know he deserves better. But he says he loves me. But another girl could treat him better. Be happy all the time. Want sex all the time. Not shut down and wish she was dead. I stress him out. I know it. I am just pathetic. Feeling so alone when you know people love you. | mild | 16,741 |
I am not strong enough to kms but tonight when everyone in my house is asleep I am going to get a knife and cut. I should not do it but I just want to see blood. I want to bleed. It will make me feel better after everything. I should not do this to myself but the urge to bleed after what has happened to me is too strong. I am sorry The stress is too much. Planning to do something awful to myself | severe | 24,634 |
I have been depressed for a long time now, it starting to feel like everything is not real. My motivation for doing stuff is completly gone now.it is starting to feel like everything I have done in life has been worthless. I do not knownif I am happy where I am going in life.How do you guy's handle this feeling of being utterly useless and depressed in life. it is reaching a breaking point for me. I am slowly feeling done with life. Handling a life that is falling apart | mild | 20,548 |
be sad for no reason be worse than be sad for a reason because there be absolutely nothing you can do to make yourself feel better | moderate | 32,848 |
To my single father who raised me for the past decade, I am sorry. I hope in the next life, you get a stronger daughter. You deserve better. I am sorry. Apology. | severe | 23,391 |
I have felt like this for a long time. I am mediocre at everything I do. I do not excel at anything. I am not social, and I am afraid of meeting new people.I just feel empty. Like I am not going to do anything in life and I am sick. I am sick of feeling like this. I just do not feel like I am enough | severe | 28,016 |
I might as well kill myself sooner I cannot fucking take it living another stupid worthless fucking day. I hate being being alive every second that passes by i just meant to claw away at my damn skin until I reach bone. Every single day is just a waste of time and I do not enjoy any second of it. I cannot take it what is the point | severe | 28,151 |
I cannot even crank out a melody these days I just wanted to be good at one thing | severe | 31,577 |
I feel like I shouldn't be depressed : I have a good life. I've never had anything traumatic happen to me. I have a wonderful family and I'm really close with my mom, my grandma, and a couple of my cousins.
I have an amazing boyfriend. He takes good care of me and he's my best friend.
I'm doing alright for myself. I have my own place, a nice car. And a stable job. I've never had to struggle with being poor and not being able to have nice/fun things.
I just don't understand how I can still be depressed. | minimum | 11,192 |
i feel like a horrible person. I am on the brink of going insane i feel like. i have a fear of being a pedophile, i despise them but i keep convincing myself i am one? I am scared of this it hurts so much.it seems to get worse the worse mental state I am in, when i feel normal i feel like i do not even believe it, that its just in my head. this past week is has been rough and I have been thinking about it a lot. the first anniversary of my moms murder is sunday and I am not sure if they are correlated or not. i feel like maybe i can solve this problem if i could talk to someone. i have a therapist and this is a very small town and i do not trust them, and there is not another one i can get realistically. my therapist is a anti-masker and anti vaxxer for fucks sake.if this continues i would rather die than have to think these thoughts. i believe i have pedo OCD and its ruining my mind | severe | 28,452 |
My sister is a shift worker - works around the clock at ridiculous times. I asked her (before I moved in) if she could sometimes pick me up from work if I worked late and if she could help me with my driving - she said yes. I've now asked a her a few times if we could drive somewhere she has said: "no", "just because", and "I'm sick and tired". She's lazy and selfish. I've asked her once if she could pick me up from work (as my dad was unavailable) knowing for a fact she's not working and I get a response saying "I'll pick you up at the bus stop down the road" - which doesn't help me at all. | minimum | 1,331 |
Hello guys, I am not even sure if this is the right subreddit for this (and sorry for my english in advance) but i wanted to tell you how unusual I have felt since 2 days ago. Basically since I woke up on Tuesday I have been feeling numb, like there is a fog in my brain and i lost interest for activities I normally do and really enjoy, like watching movies.The weirdest thing about it is that I have irrational thoughts about it, like literally 3 days ago i was watching old obscure essay films and literally the next day I found myself thinking "what is the point of movies? they are fake, those are actors" and I cannot wrap my head around this.Added to the fact that I have constantly felt tired and sleepy I naturally thought about depression or anxiety, but i have never had any of those things before, in fact I am usually the cheer-up guy in the family and usually find the silver lining even out of the most dark situations that have happened, so it is being very sudden and unexplainable (nothing has happened in my personal life lately either to justify this).I also thought it might be a side effect of Nasonex, that is a corticosteroid nasal spray I have taken since the 8th of July and I have read it has some side effects, but in the instructions it does not say anything about psychological effects so i kind of wrote it off. Then looking online I have read corticosteroids can actually produce anxiety or depression sometimes but it is very rare. So i basically do not know what to believe.Has anything like this happened to you before?Thanks in advance Weird symptoms for the past 2 days | mild | 15,302 |
Didn't want to make it to 2020 : | moderate | 3,745 |
i would do anything to have you back | moderate | 34,868 |
I am on the younger side for this. But last year I lost my cousin to suicide. I had been contemplating it myself but the pain it caused for me and my family, I knew I could do it. So I am stuck I feel great most days but some I just cannot do anything. Right after he died I used nicotine to cope, and I still do but I feel so lost. Its hard to talk to people close about. I have talked to people before but I have had it thrown back in my face. So I do not feel very trusting anymore. But in the end Ill live through live with such pain not knowing what to do it where to go, I just feel beyond the point of redemption. I cannot keep strong for others forever but Ill hold as long as possible. If you did thank you for reading Ill most likely reply if anyone has something to say. -LK Losing someone has me lost. | mild | 12,949 |
My girlfriend of 2yrs is being idk.. idk anymore, i am going through a rough time with depression and anxiety and I am going to therapy but it is just the way she acts now, it makes it feel like my problems are the problem for our relationship and it does not help that i feel numb sometimes.its scary for me to experience this again, and today she wanted me to break to with her for a stupid reason saying for you to be happier . It made me feel like i am the problemIts like the one time i need you to stay strong you decide to do thid and my mom is in the hospital right and is about to go to surgery tomorrow..so many things are going through my head and i had such a good path againI do not want to restart that difficult process of being healthyi feel abandoned and alonei have no one to talk toI feel cold I feel abandoned | severe | 27,609 |
Hey guys, I am not the kind of person who like to complain about myself, about my confortable and healthy life.. But I cannot anymore. First sorry because I speak french.I lost so many gf because I am always paranoid, sad, do not trust in myself even if all my friends says I am a cute and kind (too much) boy.I am working in hospital, I love my work, help people who need us etc. But I always have bad thoughts. I know I have a car, a nice health condition, a house, a bed.. But I do not see the point, I will work all my life for some money with my sadness, I do not have plans, project or ambitions.I work all the time, smoking some weed the night for trying to be happy every time but worthless.The only problem is my family, If I were alone without them, I will already be gone from this world.. But I cannot imagine their sadness if I do something stupid.I do not know what to think or what to do, How can I get out of this situation Life is worthless ?? | severe | 26,109 |
I do not mean to say that I am purposely being suicidal of course, I just noticed how when things get hard I ultimately go to suicide as an option. Could this be a way for me to avoid responsibility and that is why? I just kept on thinking... what would be the point in living if its no longer enjoyable and just filled with misery? I live a pretty privileged and good life but I also am horrible mentally so this is just how I think sometimes. I am selfish as well, so I would not care if I caused pain to anyone else by my death, as long as I feel better right?What should I do? Other than therapy (I know I should do therapy but I do not have the resources and I am feeling really sad right now.) Can being suicidal be a way to avoid responsibility? | severe | 28,293 |
“Retirement is when you stop sacrificing today for an imaginary tomorrow”. @naval When you spend your days how you want them, you’re retired. What a quote! | minimum | 39,320 |
to feel really weirdly almost always horny when I am really depressed? Is it normal | mild | 18,532 |
I have severe anxiety and OCD, and today I let them get the best of me. I looked through his phone. A huge breach of trust. I hate myself. I hate that I did it. I hate my mind. A lot of me thinks it would be better if I just killed my self so I will not make my emotional problems and baggage other peoples problems. I am on the edge right now wondering who even benefits from my existing. I caused my fianc so much emotional distress, that he relapsed on opiates. I do not think Ill ever be able to forgive myself. Hes been clean going on 8 months. | severe | 25,156 |
I know god loves me but I want a fucking human to like me. I want to know that is is possible for someone to love me. I mean I do not have a reason to live and do not have anybody to live for either. I used to cut myself a lot and I stopped. but when I get depressed af that is all I want to do and do not know how long I can stop myself. I do not have any other coping mechanisms. HELP ME what is the reason for me being alive | mild | 20,627 |
my mother always tell me if you cannot say anything nice dont say anything at all and some people wonder why i be so quiet around them | moderate | 33,235 |
Can I take a moment just to rant? : So, my gf’s birthday is coming up. Unfortunately, she has extracurricular activities that will prevent her from having a party (she’s turning 16, so it’s kind of a big deal lol) her mom and I want her to have an absolutely amazing party. So, her mom scheduled the party to February 15th. That’s a few weeks away from her actual birthday. But get this, my birthday is on the 14th of February and she’ll be celebrating hers after mine. Kinda hurts, but I don’t care too much. What bothers me is that they all said that they were gonna do something special for me on my birthday, but it looks like that’s not gonna happen. Maybe I’m being a little bitch. Maybe I’m just being an ass, but I can’t help but feel a little upset that they decided to schedule her party the day after my “big day.” | moderate | 5,244 |
i be sorry that i let you down | moderate | 33,570 |
Like basically every night I think about whether or not I should do it and the main reason that I do not is that if I do not die I will probably go to the hospital and go to like a psych ward or something and I just do not want to go through that. But I also vaguely like the thought of trying and not actually dying. Would it be somehow cathartic to do something that almost definitely will not kill me but feels like I am killing myself just to see if I would do it? I used to live in a place where I could just off the building, but now my only real option is to take a bunch of pills. I collected a bunch of pills from around my house and have them in my room. I have a glass of water rn. I could take them. I do not think I want to die right now. Idk. Every single day feels exactly the same. Last time I made a real plan to do it, it felt final. That day I felt that feeling of *today, today, today* (I never actually attempted). I feel like I am just waiting for something to happen, for a day to feel different from the others so I can feel that feeling of finality, and just come upstairs and take all these pills. I guess if I actually wanted to do it, I would have stopped trying to do my schoolwork by now. I am so scared of attempting and not dying. It would make everything so much shittier. Risk of Not dying is the main thing stopping me | severe | 27,817 |
if they cannot accept your past they will not support you now and sure will not encourage you in the future they will simply judge you | moderate | 33,345 |
Here's to another year of being miserable and alone. : It's a new year and things are only going to get worse. | moderate | 3,775 |
When mentioned that i want to study abroad she said that you will travel, try to kill yourself and end up in hell. Funny thing is that might end up being true lol My mom said you will kill yourself and go to hell | mild | 16,409 |
For those that have deleted their social media platforms (aside from Reddit or Youtube), how much has it helped improve your mental health? I am thinking about deleting Instagram and LinkedIn as well and just keeping Reddit and Youtube. I have already deleted facebook after having it for like a decade and feel much better. Social Media and Mental Health | mild | 21,672 |
Otherwise, they will be fed the same fantasy like I was and then so that big brother and big sister can continue to keep a tab of you so we accept this form of slavery. School is nothing more than brainless brainwashing by the establishment that want to use your kids as a battery cell and the filthy rich can prosper with your child's gift.Me personally, I think we all should be all fucking and fucking some more but you are slaves to the narcissistic that took over i.e. the white ayran race and the feminazis that took over. If you do have kids do not send them to school | mild | 17,126 |
22 year old unemployed virgin with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and nobody to hang out with lmao I suck | mild | 16,818 |
Everything was going so well.. : But now I just want to die again. It’s been months since I’ve felt like this..and at first I thought it’d just disappear or it was a one day thing. I was wrong as usual tho since it’s been weeks now and it’s only getting heavier.
I self harmed again for the first time since..late July?
I was doing so well and now I’m disappointed in myself and I don’t know what to do. Everything is heavy again. | moderate | 5,274 |
I thought I would left suicidal thoughts behind but now my parents are forcing me to pursue a career I despise and all I can think about is the years of emptiness that await me, stuck in a job I hate. Suicide really seems like the only way out. And hey might as well spite my parents too. Maybe they will finally regret their actions once they realise they killed me indirectly. Suicide seems like the only way out now that my parents are once again forcing me into something I hate | severe | 30,369 |
I only did my best. Apparently my best is not worthy enough for me to live on. I am better off dead. I do not know what I did wrong to deserve this life. | mild | 18,899 |
Reverse holo charazard!! @GrantLaFontaine https://t.co/tIkjPMTo97 | minimum | 39,419 |
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