Source: http://benbeck.co.uk/fh/transcripts/mswpdiary/mswp1915-20.htm
Timestamp: 2019-04-19 18:21:14+00:00

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�u>Sept. I have not written since we came here from Bensham on Sept. 15th & it is now November. The horrible war drags on. It is appalling.
慖t has been a fairly nice Autumn & good weather. Our chief excitement was B. & B.抯 last functions at the Mansion House梐 dinner to heads of departments at Cocoa Works was very enjoyable . . . I went on Nov. 9th to see the new Lord Mayor installed, & watched Bowes disrobing & putting the cloak & chain on him. Nice votes of thanks to B. & B.
慣his term F. is only working � time at the school & the other � lecturing for the Northern Peace Board. It means a good many week-ends away, but it is interesting for him, & I抦 thankful if he is able to do any good in the peace cause.
慦e抳e had our first case of infection in the family. M. appeared at breakfast time on Nov. 11th with chicken pox (caught at school) . . . The other 2, R. & C. had to stay from school, & caught bad coughs. Later the other 3 children began fortunately together; none of them were ill when the spots came out, but miserable & cross beforehand. The rash lasted, tho� very slightly, nearly 3 weeks, & as the weather was icy cold & wet & snowy they could hardly ever get out.
慜ur nice nursemaid Agnes left on Nov. 2nd having been here 2� years. She wept bitterly, especially at leaving Caro, & said it was �u>awful�. I got a young girl of 15桲athleen Cooper梩o begin with � a year. She had never been out & needed a good deal of training.
22 Nov 慚other brought Caro back in aft. & stayed with us 3 nights, then went to B. for 2 nights. I met them, & the children & Rachel & Kathleen gave a warm welcome, rushing out to the cab . . . It is blissful having Mother; she is so wonderful & never cross like I am. We turned out of our room for her.
27 Nov 慚other went home. It has been just perfect having her here. It was a good thing she did go home, for we had our 3rd horrible raid. (2nd for some of us). F. had just come in from a meeting & was telling me about it, & at 20 mins. to 10.0 the lights began to go up & down, & then out. Kathleen had just undressed, but she at once got baby up & came down. Rachel was still downstairs. We left the other children, lit candles, etc, but after a long wait, K. & baby went back to bed, & Rachel went & talked to K. who dropped sound asleep. About 11.0 R. came down & said "I抦 going to bed." She had only been gone 2 or 3 mins. when I told F. I thought I heard the engines, & he went out to see. It was. I rushed up to R. & Kathleen & the latter would not wake梩hen to Robert & Caro who were in our room桭. had sent Marg. down梥he woke immediately & was so good, going down alone. F. took Caro, but Bobbo would not wake & I had partly to carry him; the bombs were dropping meantime & our gun firing. The children called it a picnic & played rhyming game. This attack soon over, but long after another Zepp. came & the sound of the firing & bombs seemed to go on a long time. It was most alarming. I think it was about 1.0 when we packed the children off to bed, but the lights did not go on till 3.15. A gt cheering made us think a Zepp. was down, & 2 were down, but one was nr Norfolk & the other in Co. Durham.
1 Jan 慚other had a longing for Aydon Castle, so she, F. Ed. R. & I took sandwiches桵other drove with the wee ones nearly to Riding Mill, then they returned & we walked on. . . . Mother went there when 10 yrs old staying with Aunt Car at R. Mill.
20 Mar 慐lection at Stockton. Alas, Ed. Backhouse only got just under 600 votes. The people are still mad.
Sunday, 22 Apr 慚rs Smith most kind & gave R. another room to sleep in. The 3 wee girls sleep tog. changing beds as they wish, & Marg. dresses baby every morning, so F. & I get nice long nights. We had a splendid week . . . The owls at night hooted so, that once I jumped up thinking I heard baby, & yet we are only 7 miles from York! . . . Another day took baby out for the day for the first time in her life I think. Went to Buttercrambe. After sandwiches Caro went to sleep, but baby lay & played. . . . F. had to cycle in to York after early breakfast to go to Jordans for week-end conference . . . Mon. 30th I wheeled baby, the others drove to station & after a v. nice parting from Mrs Smith reached York at 5.30 & home at 6.0. Warm welcome from Rachel & Kathleen, & house beautiful, flowers everywhere, but new kitchen boiler had just been put in � hour before we arrived.
10 July 慞recious Mother came & stayed till the 14th. We had a most delicious visit from her, but she seemed to me much older & walked very slowly. . . . We missed Mother dreadfully when she left on the 14th. She had breakfast in bed every day; she gets v. depressed about the war & misses Ruth so much. . . .
慔ousekeeping is becoming a terrible problem梥ugar so hard to get & everything so dear.
19 Oct 慒. went to Halifax. I had just got to N.C.F. in Micklegate when lights when [sic] out. I was terrified & ran & cycled (without lamp) as quickly back as I could. Caro awake & had to be brought downstairs桼. had just got into bath, when light went out. He came down & did a composition on Caxton by candlelight! Finally about � to 10.0 I got them him upstairs & C. asleep in dining room. M. & baby we had never disturbed. Late on Kathleen went to bed, & Rachel at 1.15 a.m. I sat up as F. ought to have returned at 12 p.m. I went to bed at � to 2.0 as lights came on, but F. did not get back till nearly 3.30. He had been several hours in Normanton station. It was a bad time, but I don抰 think any of us felt as nervous as we used to do. R. was anxious to save his "missionary pig", whatever happened!
3 Nov 慘athleen, after being here 2 years, left, but is coming in afternoons still. She has been excellent in most ways, & I am very fond of her. F. was away, so we shut up house for week-end, as R. & M. are going to be with the Graingers at Oldstead for their half term holiday, & baby, Caro & I are going to Bensham. Kathleen, R. & M. saw us off (no porters & M. had to Caro carry baby right over steps) & then K. saw R. & M. off. . . .
態aby, Caro & I had a blissfully happy week with Mother, tho� I was tired, & baby was not quite well. . . . Mother was v. energetic. . . .
16 Dec 慣erribly wet, but F. & Mother went to hear 慚essiah� in Minster. Phyllis Lett so glorious that Mother wept. They had to walk back, & it rather knocked Mother up, but she soon recovered.
31 Dec 慍harles Trevelyan to high tea. F. met him at 4.10. I felt shy at first, but simply loved his visit. He was so jolly to the children, so interesting梤ecalled old days梙ow Father coached him, etc梙ow he had taken ages to learn not to walk about the platform like Father (he still does!) etc. I had prepared the tea, rummelled eggs, mac. & cheese, etc. V. nice. For the first time for months we had real butter桼obert had been allowed to sit up to tea as a treat, & he discovered this & said "I say, it抯 real butter梙ave some Mr Trevelyan"! Caro sang to him梑aby v. naughty when Florence put her to bed桵r T. came up to see her in the bedroom & to speak to F. who lives near Cambo. I took Mr T. to the Coop. Hall as F. went early; he said "That抯 a bright boy of yours, but they抮e all bright children." He talked a lot about Sidcot, domestic things etc.
16 Jan 慦e抳e had to stand in queues for margarine, but are now being rationed.
慐nd of Feb. & beginning of March much trouble with Ruthie抯 ears & chest梄 rayed etc. Have written about it in Ruth抯 diary.
慚other came for week-end to stay with B. It was enchanting to have her.
19 July 慖 don抰 think I mentioned that now we are rationed all over the country for butter, & margarine (5 oz. each weekly) fats, tea, sugar & meat.
慜ne day a few months ago at night I was rather unhappy, & said no one loved me, or that F. didn抰, & Caro who was sleeping in a little bed near us & was supposed to be asleep, said in a sleepy little voice "I love you, Mummy." It was so sweet.
Wed, 31 July 慒. & I started for summer school at Kendal "Education & the New World Order."
慜ur darling boy抯 last few days before entering on a new phase of his life. F. was away for the week-end, so R. slept with me both nights, & the last night he slept with F. & me in Ruthie抯 bed : she slept with Caro, & Margaret alone. . . .
2 Oct . . . 慚other wrote to me saying she was getting better & the pain was not so bad, but it had been very bad. Evie got a very shaky letter from her. We supposed she was getting better, but Evie came here on the 7th for a Committee & had arranged to go on to Mother on the 8th & stay till the 11th On Wed. Oct. 9th Evie slept with Mother (as Miss B. had had disturbed nights & Winifred had been up a lot too) but Mother had a night of "agonizing pain" & poor Evie was much alarmed. Next day (10th) they got a nurse桵iss Barringer will have to go, as a permanent nurse is needed. All the 11th, after getting Evie抯 letters I felt unutterably miserable; it is so dreadful to think of our precious Mother抯 pain. She is having morphia & sleeping draughts, but is very depressed.
24 Oct 慔eard from Edmund that Dr Beattie went yesterday for consultation梐greed mostly with Dr W. but thinks very seriously of the case. The world is so dark梡rospects of peace seem delayed (tho� the Germans have asked for an armistice) & there are tragedies on all sides.
Xmas Day 慚. & C. woke very early, & Ruthie (who was with us) in middle of night, but she went to sleep again . . . Jeanie kindly sent us among other things a gt hamper of apples梥uch a blessing, for fruit has been too expensive & almost unattainable lately, & with milk so scarce & dear (8d qt) puddings have been a problem.
16 Jan 慒. to London at 12.0. . . . M. & C. went home & I went to Leeman Rd to canvass for Mrs Wilkinson.
Thursday, 30 Jan 慉lways take Ruthie in before breakfast to kiss Granny. Yesterday she sat in evening on my knee quietly looking at Neddy & Dolly. I helped Nurse to wash Mother. Bertha arrived at 12.0. Mother pleased to see her. We had not told her she was coming. B. did not think her looking v. ill. B. sat with her in aft. & I took Ruthie in go-cart to Park. Dr came梡us in urine, bad sign, possibly ulcer, possibly the end. Mother got worse, cd hardly move, & hand shook, evidently gt pain, but smiled sweetly on nurse & on Ruthie & me when Ruthie went to say goodbye, for B. kindly took Ruthie home, as it was impossible to look after her. She has been good. Ruthie sat on bed for a few mins. & Mother said she was "an angel." Ruthie did not get home till after 10 p.m. but never slept. Rachel met her with go-cart. She was quite lively桼achel said "Fancy keeping our baby out as late as this, & she has never been out before after 6.30!" While I was alone with Mother she kept saying "Oh God, oh God."
Monday, 3 Feb 慖 went home by late train, as Evie thought it best for us not to be all there tog. It was hard to leave. Mother had been put on water bed. Evie wrote that she seemed better, had had more food, & walked from the chair to Nurse抯 bed while the mattress was being dried (water bed had leaked). She said "It shows I am growing stronger."
7 Feb 慚y birthday桵other asked how old I was. Evie gave me lovely gloves, & Evie & Ber bought beautiful cakes.
Wednesday, 12 Feb 慓etting weaker. No food now. Ed. & I on sofas in dining room till 2.0 or 3.0 a.m. then went to bed. B. & E. in Mother抯 room.
13 Feb 慡ince Tues. I think Mother has lain with eyes shut, only occasionally moving her hands. To-day began giving spoonfuls of brandy & water or milk & water, as Dr thought it just possible she might recover.
Friday, 14 Feb 慚other much weaker. Nurse liked us all to be there as much as possible. Choking fits & rattle. B. & I to tea at 4.0, leaving Evie half asleep in the room & Nurse Whitehead on duty桾eresa came. We were just going upstairs when bell rung violently梩ore up, end was coming suddenly, & was quite peaceful a few minutes later. She looked exquisite afterwards with her hair plaited like she always did, & there was never a feeling of death in the room.
慜ne day I said "I wish I could take away thy pain," & she said "I抦 glad thou can抰". Once she said "How lovely you all look."
18 Feb 態. E. & I very busy doing darling Mother抯 clothes & other belongings.
慠eturned home on Thurs. Feb 20th at about 6.0. Warm welcome from bairnies. I forgot to say that Bobbo came from Ackworth for the funeral on the Mon. morning, & stayed at Quarries . . .
6 Mar 慐vie, Bertha & I all went to Bensham in the aft. & Miss. B. & Edmund gave us a warm welcome, & Mother抯 beautiful portrait on the easel looked so lovely, but one did miss her lovely greeting. We spent the first 3 days over the dining room, working at letters from 9.15 a.m. till 10.p.m. & yet it took us 3 days, though we did not read them all all through. It was fascinating work, records of our early life, letters from Maria Grantoff, Father抯 Polish friend Prymieski when Father lodged with Edmund抯 grandmother Mrs Gower, Mother抯 21st birthday letters, letters about the beloved Josephine Dymond, & so on. Afterwards we went through the other rooms in turn & returned to our homes on March 17th . . . Ruthie had a cough & was not very well; Caro after I got back had a bad feverish attack & headache, & Ruthie began same sort of thing on March April 3rd & was in bed for 10 days梐fter a week of it I got Dr Fraser. Fortunately tho� still in bed I was able to have her on April 11th Friday, for we had all fixed to meet at Bensham for the last time, & to choose things. E. & E. went on the 10th but B. & B. F. & I by the 9.40 train on the 11th & directly we got to Bensham Grove, after being welcomed by the others & by Father & Mother抯 beautiful portraits we started to work. F. & I went over the house together first. Afterwards in aft. we all went thro� the rooms together choosing furniture in turn.
Monday, 14 Apr 慣he man came from Bainbridge抯 about furniture梐lso Mr Gillman about a settlement. I woke with bad headache, & have had for several days bad throat (prob. got from Ruthie) & had to go & lie down till after dinner. . . . I recovered enough to go with B. & see Gertrude & the baby boy, born on April 11th Brewis delighted with the � Mother had left him. We gave Miss Barringer �. She has done well梥ays she felt like a little sparrow sitting at the head of the table among us all. We are leaving her & Edmund till Wed. 23rd when dear Bensham Grove as we know it will be no more. . . . Bertha, Frank & I left at 6.40, Edmund seeing us off, after saying goodbye to faithful Miss Barringer. It felt too sad, but as Mother says so constantly in her diaries, we have so very much to be thankful for, & so many blessings still, & after a nice journey we had the loveliest welcome from our darling bairnies . . . Ruthie also woke & was sweet, so we did rejoice in the love that is given us, though we have lost so much, & now that the excitement is over it feels far harder to bear. I feel quite lost without darling Mother, & her constant letters, & I just long to write to her & tell her all our little doings.
慠achel said all the children were as good as gold while we were away.
28 Apr 慏eep snow & very cold. Children made snowballs & a snow man. Ruthie said "it抯 ice, not snow, because it抯 so cold." . . .
30 Apr 慠uthie slept most of aft. & did not seem quite well . . .
3 May 慠uthie so poorly, that I sent for Dr. Dr Kemp came & found her throat v. bad. Took swab, as afraid of diptheric throat but fortunately only tonsilitis. She suffered a lot, & temp. high. Did not like to be left for a moment, & Rob. & Caro not allowed in the room. However after a week she was much better. . . . Robert . . . has been very sweet & loving lately, & slept with me in the "big bed" as Ruthie calls it last night.
27 Nov . . . 慒. & I went to Tannha黶er [sic].
29 Dec 慚iss Cooke from Hessle came to help with children. It was a great relief, as they quite took to her, & Ruthie slept with her. . . .
15 Jan 慒. began his last term at Bootham. . . . Have now got Basely & Vardon in the house instead of Duckworth.
19 Apr 慐dna kindly lent us "Brow Cottage" Fylingdale, & as the weather had improved I took the children for a week, but we arrived in pouring rain & had to walk from Ravenscar along a rough track桰 never thought little Ruthie cd do it, for she always rides, but she was so plucky, & I sent the other 3 on in front . . . One day we all, except Ruthie, had a dip, very cold, & once they all plodged & Ruthie loved it & jumped over the little waves . . . Ruthie & Caro sometimes helped to wash up. We had v. simple meals, but the bairnies were sure the King hadn抰 nicer ones, e.g. potatoes, peas & tinned pears. We had plenty of milk & a good lot of eggs 3� each, & 1 lb. butter 3/6梐wful price. Our last day was nice & fine. Returned home at 6.0 on April 26th & had tea at once. Edna & Vida met us, & Bertha & Dia came while we had tea, & gave us the loveliest welcome桰 feel it will nearly break my heart to go to Reading & leave Bertha. Also she brought us 2 squares of honey, some eggs & biscuits.
慚arie had everything lovely too & was so kind, & had put up "Welcome to home, sweet home." Frisk, who we had given away, had come back.
12 June 慒. came home last night to attend Friends� Northern Peace Board here to-day. It is lovely to have him.
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