Source: http://www.fishermediation.com/managing-dismissive-and-bully-attorneys-series/managing-dismissive-and-bully-opposing-attorneys/
Timestamp: 2019-04-25 06:50:25+00:00

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Attorney to attorney interactions often are a battleground of skill, knowledge and personalities. It is the personality component that can lead to the same dysfunctional relationship between the attorneys that the parties experience with each other. We explore these sometimes explosive relationships and provide effective tools for attorneys to manage the most difficult and possibly high conflict personality opposing attorney.
These high conflict attorneys will be referred to as the Dismissive and the Bully. For these attorneys, the conflict is driven to some degree by life-long patterns of behavior rather than the issues. How these very difficult people are handled can cause the attorney-attorney relationship to either reach the abyss or be manageable.
These attorneys make a big deal of small things, ask for unnecessary information, drag out negotiations or turn common courtesies into bargaining chips. Other signs of lack of courtesy include refusing to get to know you personally, displaying no sense of humor, ignoring phone calls and emails or snubbing you with, “I have to speak to my client,” and never calling back.
Lying about basic facts or making up facts.
Agreeing to certain terms while on the phone then sending a document omitting, changing or adding material terms never discussed.
Bully and Dismissive attorneys are very invested in winning. It is necessary to keep their ego intact. These dysfunctional attorneys fight as if their life depended on it. Engaging in the battle will result in two losers. When you participate in a personal war with opposing counsel, you will pay emotionally and ultimately physically — and your client will pay more for the process. A lot goes on very quickly during verbal and email communications which, if we are not tuned into moment to moment, may trigger actions that contribute to a dysfunctional or unprofessional relationship with the opposing attorney (Cal. Bus. & Prof. Code § 6068(e); Prof. Conduct Rule 3-100; Cal Ev C sec. 954, 955 . Elijah W v. Superior Court, 216 Cal.App.4th 140 (2013) (An attorney’s ethical duty of confidentiality to his or her client is broader than the lawyer-client privilege and protects virtually everything the lawyer knows about the client’s matter regardless of the source of the information). Responding in kind is not effective. While it is difficult to resist, and for some, exhilarating to jump into such a battle, ignore it. Don’t become engaged in that fight. Aggression can escalate forever. In negotiations, it blocks deals from getting done.
Attorneys often speak over each other. When you are dealing with difficult opposing counsel, resist the urge to interrupt because listening is one of your most powerful tools. Everyone likes others to listen to them, especially Dismissive and Bully attorneys. If you listen to them it is likely that opposing counsel will provide you with important information.
Focus on the substance of what is said, not tone or volume.
When listening to opposing counsel, listen also to the emotional content of their message. Identifying emotions can provide valuable insight into their priorities, values and intentions. Opposing counsel could be lying, or they could be fearful of losing on a particular issue or many issues.
Reacting only draws you, and your client, into the opposing attorney’s side of the game where you cannot win.
Ways to manage your emotions include engaging in activities that are pleasant. Go for a walk or even strenuous exercise, listen to music, and seek out a confidant who can help you see the funny side of the situation. If you discuss the case be sure to not reveal confidential information. (Cal. Bus. & Prof. Code § 6068(e); Prof. Conduct One of the original and best resources is Mindfulness: Foundational Training For Dispute Resolution, Prof. Leonard L. Riskin, Journal of Legal Education, Vol. 54, Number 1, (2004). For a brief synopsis see Harvard Health Help Guide, Benefits of Mindfulness, Rule 3-100; Cal Ev C sec. 954, 955 . Elijah W v. Superior Court, 216 Cal.App.4th 140 (2013) (An attorney’s ethical duty of confidentiality to his or her client is broader than the lawyer-client privilege and protects virtually everything the lawyer knows about the client’s matter regardless of the source of the information).
Do not criticize the opposing attorney, Dismissive, Bully or otherwise. It will immediately downgrade communication and the relationship. Instead, blame everything on the clients and keep the communication professional. Reciprocating can make you look bad. One attorney shared that while in the judge’s chambers, she heard opposing counsel tell something to the judge she thought was a lie. She struck back by telling the judge the other attorney had not been honest. After the meeting in chambers, she felt she and the other attorney had argued like children. She felt she had made an unprofessional impression on the judge.
One attorney recommends being candid and acknowledge being unreasonable. She suggests, “I may have reacted. Let’s revisit this issue.” This changes the tone of the conversation and possibly the relationship.
Before things spiral out of control another attorney attempts to mend bridges by apologizing on the phone or in a letter. “Let me try again. It was inappropriate.” On occasion the other attorney may say, “We both have terrible clients. Let’s agree that when the case is done we will meet for martinis (Nic’s Beverly Hills; Bar Agricole, San Francisco; Noble Experiment, San Diego, so chic reservations by txt only) or chocolates (Compartes, Brentwood; Recchiute Confections, San Francisco; Eclipse Chocolate, San Diego)..
One attorney deals with the opposing counsel’s outrageous behavior by drafting a nasty letter that covers the complete catalog of miserable acts. Then she tears up the letter. This is a very therapeutic process. Then she writes the appropriately professional letter.
Not reacting to difficult opposing counsel is fundamental. When the opposing attorney is aggressive or abrasive, do not take it personally. High conflict personality types, including Dismissive and Bully attorneys, have learned to deactivate and minimize their feelings. As a result those interacting with them feel frustrated, while they seem to feel nothing. Interactions with this type of opposing counsel can trigger all kinds of reactions in us, and it can be difficult to know what to do. Things are confrontational only if you allow them to be.
Walk away from an avoidable confrontation.
Remind yourself that you know what professional practices are.
When there is a lull in the action, one attorney attempts to establish a human connection. “Do you have kids? What school do they go to?” He learned that their sons were on the same soccer team. The relationship worked much better from then on.
If the opposing attorney exhibits bad behavior in depositions, such as screaming at you or your client, or he continuously seeks information that is not obtainable, such as privileged communication, consider adjourning the deposition. (C.C.P. § 2025.470 (adjourn deposition to obtain motion for protective order) Then reset as a video deposition (C.C.P. § 2025.330(c) (any party may videotape deposition and must give notice) for the purpose of recording the behavior of the Dismissive or Bully attorney. In a discovery motion provide excerpts for the judge so she can see what really is going on. But don’t go overboard because judges hate when attorneys act like squabbling children.
In discovery, one attorney first phones opposing counsel and discusses the need for cooperation in production of information or a narrowed request. If opposing counsel does not cooperate, he files a motion to compel or motion for protective order right away. The faster the motion, the sooner the relationship will shift.
What we do as attorneys depends on what is going on inside ourselves. We are all limited by our thoughts, emotions and habits. Be deliberately aware of what is going on in yourself and your environment, moment to moment. This gives you the opportunity to notice things that influence you, such as emotions and physical sensations. These distract us from what we should be paying attention to. Mindfulness allows us to understand others and eliminate emotional distractions that interfere with good judgment.
When the other attorney gets louder your response should be quieter. When they get more upset, you become calmer: not just outwardly, but inwardly as well. The opposition will initially hate this, but you will be much more effective and they will eventually respect your professional approach. (One of the original and best resources is Mindfulness: Foundational Training For Dispute Resolution, Prof. Leonard L. Riskin, Journal of Legal Education, Vol. 54, Number 1, (2004). For a brief synopsis see Harvard Health Help Guide, Benefits of Mindfulness.
Attorneys who allow their relationships with opposing counsel to break down are not serving their clients. They are merely repeating the dysfunctional behavior that brought their clients to them. As a judge once told one of the attorneys interviewed: “The rules are there for a reason.” Stick to them and you will find your interactions with Bully and Dismissive attorneys will be far more fruitful.
Do not get drawn into their games. Keep your eye on the prize and what you are trying to accomplish in the interests of your client. If what the opposing counsel is trying to move you into does not meet your goals, don’t let yourself spin out of control. Determine to win with intellectual strategies, not emotion games.
This series of articles is the result of extensive interviews with more than forty-five attorneys in Southern California. These attorneys are primarily litigators / trial attorneys and several transactional attorneys. The group has some diversity, male, female and gay, with a range of practice experience from seven to forty-plus with the average of approximately twenty-five years. Additional research was conducted by Marc Stalk, Esq., San Diego.

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