Source: https://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/the-birther-bible/
Timestamp: 2019-04-24 14:41:03+00:00

Document:
6. Then Apuzzariah answered, saying unto him, “Asses are plentiful, and new ones born each day; and we shall ask those who hate the Usurper to lend their asses unto us, or to carry parchments on their own backs to the judges, to be laid before them.
1. In the beginning was the Prophet, and his name was Emerich de Vattel.
2. And Vattel laid down the Law unto all nations, and the name of the Book was, The Law of Nations.
3. It was written in the language of the French.
5. Thus it was and thus it shall always be.
6. For did not John Jay seek permission of George Washington to inquire if any but a natural born citizen should ever become President?
7. And did not George Washington borrow The Law of Nations and returned it not, for the love of it?
8. Yea verily, the French are a great peoples, who invented mimes and many wonderful cheeses.
1. Then there arose in the land those who denied the words of Vattel, and mocked the true believers and tempted them from the paths of patriotism with clever arguments.
2. These were known as the Anti-Vattelites.
3. They falsely testified that the common law of the English was the source of natural born citizenship, and yea, had been so for centuries before the coming of Vattel.
4. They told tales of Calvin’s Case, and how mere birth within the kingdom made one a natural born citizen.
5. Many were the American legal cases whereof they spake, and none which required two citizen parents to begat a natural born citizen, when the birth occurred within the Kingdom.
6. But the fast tongues of the Anti-Vattelites did not stop there.
8. Their slick words caused many to doubt, for of a truth those words do seemeth to indicate to the unlearned that the Prophet Vattel taught England was a nation unto itself, wherein mere birth inside the kingdom was sufficient for citizenship.
9. Yet, the wise Birther, who hath studied the matter thoroughly, doth understand that there were two Englands, and the Prophet was speaking of the other one, not the one from which sprangeth the United States.
1. Then in the year of 1875, did one Virginia Minor sueth the Elders of the Tribe of Missouri so that she might be possessed of the right to vote, in the same manner as the men thereof.
5. Thus did the Supreme Court recognize the words of the Prophet Vattel, and this became precedent throughout the land.
1. Alas, after hearing the words of the Judges, the hearts of Anti-Vattelites were hardened.
2. For in shame they should have been driven from the land, no longer being able to ridicule the Constitutionalists with their mockery of French law, and their blasphemies against the Prophet Vattel.
3. Lo, was there now an American source which gaveth the law that two citizen-parents must begat natural born citizens, and no others.
6. They bore false witness that the Judges indeed made no decision whatsoever in the manner of precedent, and didst but punt the question regarding the children born inside the Kingdom of aliens and foreigners to some later court.
7. In truth, those words do follow the first words of the decision, yet they do not mean there was incompleteness.
8. For if those words didst mean such a thing, then the words of the Prophet Vattel would not be fulfilled.
9. This teaching is complicated, and must not be mistaken for reasoning that cometh and goeth in circles.
1. Trusting in the Prophet Vattel, verily did his Disciples begin to spread his word among all the peoples of the land, yea even unto the very Courts of the Law.
2. Yet the Judges thereof were cold men of hard demeanor, who kneweth not of visions and strange divinations.
3. First, the Judges of the Tribe of Indiana didst send the Birthers packing, saying they kneweth not whereof they spake, and that the Birthers understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
4. Then, in like manner a Judge of the Tribe of Georgia, didst send the Birthers packing, saying they kneweth not whereof they spake, and that the Birthers understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
5. With great impudence, the Judge of The Tribe of Georgia, favored the words of an empty chair, though it spoke not, over the words of the Birthers.
6. Verily, in a third such smite, a Judge of the Tribe of Virginia didst send a Birther of that land packing, saying he kneweth not whereof he spake, and that the Birther understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
7. And, with much disdain, the Judge of the Tribe of Virginia didst also speak harsh words unto the Birther, mocking him for a Fool, saying his words were without worth, and forbade him from coming again unto that Court.
8. Lo, but the travails mounted up unto the very Heavens, for then a Judge of the Tribe of Illinois didst send a Birther of that land packing, saying he kneweth not whereof he spake, and that the Birther understoodeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
1. It taketh not a wise man to discerneth a pattern in these things, and portents of things yet to come.
2. For liketh unto a small ball of snow rolling down a mountain, it mayst but grow larger and larger until it buries all before it.
3. So likewise might the words of the Judges, over a time, be heard and reinforce one the other, until the voices of the Birthers are met everywhere with laughter and great jeering.
4. For then will the people sayeth unto us, that we knoweth not whereof we speak, and we understandeth not the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
5. Perhaps it wouldst be a wise thing for us Birthers to haveth ready made excuses near at hand, to explaineth away these defeats, and the ones yet to cometh.
6. Therefore, let it be said, when we meet with defeat in the Courts of the Law, that the Judges thereof are but exchanging false decisions for gold and favors.
7. Or, let it be said, that the Judges are but minions of the Usurper, and thus provide false decisions out of loyalty unto him.
8. Shouldst the Judge be of a group opposed to the Usurper, let it be said that he has been threatened for his life, or that unknown persons have graven images of him in compromising positions of adultery, which they doth dangle over his head.
9. Also might we blame our defeats on our Advocates, saying that they doth secretly labor on behalf of the Usurper, or are not truly wise in the ways of the Law, having learned their craft at long distances from the places of teaching.
10. Nor shouldst we stoppeth with these alone.
11. Let our explanations be called Legion, for from these signs and omens, great will be our needs.
1. Many are the scribes of the Anti-Vattelites and their name is Legion.
2. Day and night doth they toil at their evil work, incessantly setting down facts which have the outward appearance of negating the words of the Prophet Vattel, yea even contradicting the interpretations of the words of the Judges of Minor v. Happersett.
4. For truly is it said, that ants may kill a camel, and gnats drive the bull from the pasture.
5. Thus, is it better for thee not to contend with words against the Anti-Vattelites for they are quick of wit, and will confound thee with uncomfortable facts.
6. Far better it is for thee, to hitteth and runneth away. Say, in thy haste, that it takes two citizen-parents to begat a natural born citizen, as if knowing whereof you speak, and then flee the forum hurriedly lest you be confronted.
7. For truly is it said that words repeated often enough take on an existence all of their own.
1. But if thou canst not hold thy tongue, then it is better to contend with words than to stew in silence, for such will busteth thy gut and cause fits.
2. And yea, here is the manner in which thou shouldst confront the Anti-Vattelites, if thou art feeling lucky.
3. Avoideth all talk of the Wong Kim Ark legal case, for here there be many dragons. Sayeth simply that Wong Kim Ark was not running for the Presidency, and prayeth earnestly that the Anti-Vattelite knoweth not the case well.
4. If however, the Anti-Vattelite knoweth well the case, then shouldst thou falsely remember thou hast an appointment with a physician, or some other pressing errand, and promise to return on the morrow. But, returneth not.
5. Doeth likewise with the case of Ankeny v. Governor, although thou mayst also calleth these judges by foul names, they being but judges of that one tribe.
6. Some Birthers doth meet with success by copying and pasting large numbers of words from previous arguments without care that these words pertaineth not to the argument at hand.
7. Likewise mayst thou distracteth from the argument by the calling of names, limning the Anti-Vattelites as Minions of the Usurper.
8. All such artfulness mayst be avoided if thou simply stays among the chambers of like-minded Birthers, where thou canst be comforted with the sound of echos.
1. These be the acts which it is better for thee not to commit.
2. Thou shalt not maketh a Citizen’s Arrest. These turneth out badly.
3. If thou attempts to maketh a Citizen’s Arrest anyway, and are afterwards arrested and convicted, do not talketh back and disrespect the Judge.
4. Thou shalt not engageth in civil rebellions or sedition.
5. If thou engageth in civil rebellions or sedition anyway, then thou shouldst not broadcast thy plans to bankers, the FBI, and strangers on the Internet. These also turneth out badly.
6. Neither shalt thou carryeth within thy vehicle, personal pleasure devices or deviant materials, as these will cause much shame unto thee.
7. Thou shalt not refuseth to deploy if so ordered by thy Centurion.
8. Thou shalt not walketh away from thy military retirement.
9. Thou shalt not maketh the youtube videos in which thou promises to arresteth the President. For lo, his protectors shall descend upon thee with guns, subpoenas, and search warrants.
10. Thou shalt not calleth judges by names or falsely accuse them within their own Courtroom, for their sanctions may be laid heavily upon thee.
3. Yea, though we goeth forth roaring like lions, we doth return always like small cats which meweth for milk in tiny voices.
8. And the faithful were comforted, for yea on some distant morrow, a Revelation would cometh, and many new parchments, though none kneweth the day or hour.
This is so incredibly brilliant that i am going to shut down my internets for the day and reflect upon its awesomeness.
Amen and Hallelujah! thou hast spoken truth to the wicked and granted merryment tho the oppressed. As it has been written, let it be so.
A superb piece of sardonic wit. Great conception and execution. And it teaches the truth.

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