Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-stripped-down-compromised-draft-of-the-american-jobs-act
Timestamp: 2019-04-25 21:43:17+00:00

Document:
§ 2. Jobs are good.
§ 3. We should do something to make more jobs, preferably sooner rather than later.
§ 4. The best way to create new jobs is [PROVISION REJECTED].
§ 8. In order to generate the additional revenue necessary to sustain these spending allocations, an additional [ZERO] percent surtax will be levied against [ENTERPRISING CAPITALIST HEROES] receiving annual gross adjusted income in excess of $1,000,000 [WHICH HONESTLY ISN’T ALL THAT MUCH].
§ 9. Come on! We’re talking about the wealthiest one percent of Americans [WHOSE SWIMMING POOLS SHAPED LIKE DOLLAR SIGNS AREN’T GOING TO FILL THEMSELVES WITH CAVIAR].
§ 10. Can’t we at least agree on the necessity of modernizing our nation’s grossly outmoded public schools and community colleges?
§ 14. What about the six million long-term unemployed Americans whose unemployment benefits are scheduled to run out within the next two months? [JUST SET UP A GIANT BILLBOARD THAT SAYS “HEY! GET A JOB!” ON IT].
§ 18. Can we at least make a plan to work together on another bill? To put aside all the partisan bickering and put the force of our not inconsiderable experience, talent, and patriotism behind a workable bilateral solution to the unemployment crisis?
§ 22. Awesome! Then first thing on Monday morning we can all sit down, put on our compromising hats, and [PROVISION REJECTED].

References: § 3

§ 4

§ 8

§ 9

§ 10

§ 14

§ 18

§ 22