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Timestamp: 2019-04-22 00:28:41+00:00

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Because of the seriousness of separating from one's wife while she is a Nidda, Chazal enacted several fences to help the couple avoid situations that might bring them to transgress the prohibition of physical endearment during this period.
Some poskim permit playing games together when your wife is a niddah unless it leads to lightheartedness.
A man is permitted to be alone (yichud) in a room or house with his wife when she is a niddah. However, a man may not have yichud with any other woman, married or single.
If a bride is a niddah at her wedding, the bride and groom may not be alone together. The couple must have a constant chaperone.  Due to the sensitive nature of such situations and the severity of any misconduct, a competent Rabbi should be consulted for instruction.
It is forbidden for husband and wife to eat from the same plate or bowl.
It is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl of food with other men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons.
The husband and wife may eat on the same table if they make a sign between them to remind them that she is a niddah. They should place an item that normally isn't on the table between the two of them.  Additionally, they can sit in different seats than they normally would, use separate placemats, or sit on opposite ends of a very large table which can serve as a reminder.
According to many poskim the prohibition to eat together on the same table doesn't apply if there are others eating with them, even without a sign to remind them. However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.
It isn't respectful to use sefer as a heker.
A husband cannot drink the leftovers of his wife's drink in front of her as this is considered a sign of closeness. This is one directional, meaning the husband cannot drink from what remains in the wife's cup, but the wife is permitted to drink from what her husband leaves over.
If the drink is poured into another cup it would be permissible.
If someone else drank from the cup after his wife, the husband may drink.
If the wife drank from it but not in front of the husband, and the husband knows that she drank from it, one who is lenient has on whom to rely, but blessing will come to one who is strict.
If the husband doesn't know that his wife drank from it, he doesn't need to be told.
According to Sephardim, if a woman drank from a cup and left over part of it and they refilled it it would be permissible for the man to drink. Ashkenazim don't accept this leniency.
For Sephardim, this prohibition only applies to drink and not food. Ashkenazim, however, are strict for food as well. Even for Ashkenazim, if the wife simply tasted the food like for Shabbat, the remaining food would not be called leftovers.
Whatever piece she ate from is considered leftovers but if there are multiple pieces of food touching one another and she ate one piece the others aren't considered leftovers. This applies to items that usually eaten separately like meat, fish, fruits or nuts, however, a dish which is considered like one food, such as vegetables cut finely, are considered leftovers even though she ate some pieces and left others. Even when there's no issue of leftovers they may not eat on the same plate.
It is permissible for the woman to cut a piece off a large bread and eat it and the rest isn't considered leftovers. However, if she takes a piece of an individual loaf, the rest is considered leftovers. Even when there's no issue of leftovers they may not eat on the same plate.
It is permissible for a husband and wife to use the same butter or cream cheese container to take to spread on bread, yet there is room to be strict. However, they should be careful that the woman doesn't take on the knife more than she needs and leave some over on the knife, which would be considered her leftovers.
A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.
The husband may not sit on his wife's bed when she is a nidda since it will cause him to have improper thoughts, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones.
The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.
A couch which isn't exclusively used by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife. The husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair in which she takes naps.
If his wife is out of town for a few days when she is a nidda the husband may lie in her bed.
When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her. If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.
It is forbidden for a man and wife to switch beds when she is a niddah. However, they can switch when she is tahor and as long as he slept in his new bed once before she became a niddah he can continue to sleep there even when she's a niddah.
The couple may not lie together in one bed, even if it is large and wide. Even when they are in different beds the beds must be separated. How far apart should the beds be? According to the strict halacha it is sufficient as long as they are separated in any amount as long as the sheets and blankets don't touch, however, the poskim recommend that the beds should be separated two feet.
According to many poskim it is permissible for the beds to be separated even if they are attached by a headboard, however, some hold that it isn't reccomended and some hold it is forbidden unless the headboard is just next to the beds but not attached.
The beds can be touching if both of them are not in bed.
They must use separate blankets.
Some poskim hold that it is permitted for them to sleep in separated beds under one canopy, while others hold that it is forbidden.
It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.
It is forbidden for a man and wife to sit together on a bench or couch that isn't attached to the ground. If someone is sitting in between them it is permitted.
It is permitted for a man and his wife to sit on the same heavy couch since it doesn't wobble from the weight of one of them.
Some hold that the minhag of Sephardim is to allow a couple to sit on the same bench, while others are strict.
A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.
Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible. However, some poskim are strict unless the traveling is for a purpose.
If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.
One should be strict not to push or carry a large heavy item with one's wife who is a niddah.
A husband may send jewelry or gifts to his wife or send her flowers when she is a Niddah as long as he isn't too effusive with his love for her lest they be drawn to do something prohibited.
A husband may enjoy his wife's look even when she is a nidda and we are not concerned that just looking at her will tempt him to transgress anything. However, he may not look at the parts of the body that are usually covered.
When a woman is a niddah the husband may not see areas of her body that are usually covered. The definition of what he usually sees uncovered depends on what she would normally wear at home with no one else besides her husband. It is permitted for him to see her hair uncovered when she is a niddah.
A woman doesn’t need to cover her hair inside her house when just her family is around when she’s a niddah, others disagree.
According to those who allow listening to one's wife sing when she's a niddah, it is likewise permitted to hear her play a musical instrument. However, those who are strict on listening to her sing would also be strict on listening to her play an instrument if it could lead to endearment.
A husband should not intentionally smell his wife's perfume when she is wearing it, while she is a nidda. If he inadvertently smells it, it is not forbidden.
A woman may place a fragrance close to her husband so that he can smell it for the beracha of Besamim in Havdala.
A woman may smell her husband's cologne.
Being a nidda doesn't prevent a woman from serving her husband as she does during her pure days besides for pouring a drink for him, making his bed, and pouring water for him to wash his face. Thus, a woman may cook, bake, set the table, etc. as she always does even when she is a nidda.
A husband may not cover his wife with a blanket when she is a nidda.
If she is only changing the blakets and pillows, that is permissible. It is only forbidden to change the sheets and bed covers.
If it is done not in front of him. Even if he is in the room, if he is looking away it would be permissible.
If she simply is making up the bed in the morning after he wakes up, that would be permitted. It is only forbidden if she is doing so when the husband is about to lie down.
All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.
Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.
There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.
All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot prepare water for her to use for washing her hands, feet, and face, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.
Ashkenazim have a minhag that woman don't look at the sefer torah when they are a niddah and don't go to a cemetery when they are a niddah unless she would feel bad by not being able to go to the cemetery.
A woman who is a niddah may recite brachot and daven regularly.
↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2.
Tosfot Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey points out that from Rashi (Ketubot 61a s.v. michalfa) it sounds like there would have been leniencies of harchakot when a woman was counting her shiva nekiyim after she stopping seeing blood. Rabbenu Chananel (Ketubot 61a) also implies like rashi. However, Tosfot argues that this is totally incorrect since until the woman completed her shiva nekiyim and went to mikveh she is equally forbidden to her husband with a penalty of karet. The Rashba (Torat Habayit 4a), Raavad (Baalei Hanefesh p. 10), Rosh (Ketubot 5:24), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18) hold that really there is no difference between a women when she is seeing blood and when she is in her shiva nekiyim. The Rashba even argues that Rabbenu Chananel only meant if she went to mikveh twice but that it isn't proper to do so. See the Rivash 425 and Ramban Shabbat 13b who forbid this practice of going to mikveh twice.
↑ The Gemara Shabbat 13b indicates from a conversation with Eliyahu Hanavi that it is forbidden for a man to touch his wife even in the slightest way when she is a niddah. See the Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) and Or Zaruah 1:360 who permit a man to touch his wife when she is a niddah in a non-affectionate way. All other rishonim reject this opinion. These rishonim include the Tosfot (Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey), Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18). Shulchan Aruch 195:2, therefore, forbids touching even not in an affectionate way.
↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97.
The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.
↑ Mishmeret Hatahara (195:7 v. 2 p. 264) quotes Rav Elyashiv as saying that playing board games such as chess and checkers together with his wife when she’s a niddah is forbidden. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) argues that playing chess or games is permitted unless it leads to lightheartedness.
↑ Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl with men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons. His proof is the gemara Shabbat 13a which establishes a comparison between a niddah and a married woman for purposes of how we should be cautious not to violate any prohibition. Just like with a niddah it is forbidden to eat from the same bowl so too it is forbidden for other men to eat with a married woman from the same bowl.
↑ Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3, Taharat Yosef 3:16:2.
The Mishna Shabbat 11b establishes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a zavah so that they don't come to sin.
The Rambam writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat on the same place as his wife when she is a niddah. However, the Raavad (Shaar Haperisha no. 1) argues that it is forbidden even on the same table. Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Tur and Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3 follows the Raavad.
Does Heker Work? The Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a niddah even if there is something unusual on the table to remind them. He writes that the rabbis of Narvona agreed with him. The Hagahot Mordechai (Shabbat no. 452) cites this opinion. The Gra YD 195:8 and 88:2 discusses these opinions and their proof from Shabbat 13a. However, the Raavad (Shaar Haperisha no. 1) holds that it is permitted for a husband to eat at the same table with a niddah as long as there is something to remind them such as only one eating on the tablecloth. The Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:3 agree. See the Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3) who allows using something unusual only if there's no other table available.
What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.
↑ The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) writes that it is permitted to eat at the same table as long as they sit in different places from where they usually sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119 hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. Badei Hashulchan 195:37 writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency since it isn't the minhag.
↑ The Masat Binyamin 112 permitted a husband and wife to eat at the same table without anything unusual on it to remind them since the presence of other people will serve as a reminder to them. Chida in Shiurei Bracha 195:11, Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 110 and Taharat Yosef 3:17, and Rav Mordechai Eliyahu in Darkei Tahara p. 44 agree. Badei Hashulchan 195:34 writes that the Rashba (Mishmeret Habayit 3b) held that the presence of others doesn't help and the Raah (Bedek Habayit 3b) only permitted it if someone sat in between the husband and wife. However, Badei Hashulchan concludes, someone who is lenient has what to rely on because anyway the Rambam's opinion is that as long as they aren't eating on the same plate it is permitted. Rav Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 125) was lenient like Rav Ovadia Yosef.
↑ Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate.
↑ Rama 195:4 writes that she is permitted to drink his leftovers. Shach 195:5 explains that there's no concern for a wife to drink his leftovers since she's not going to instigate an aveirah with him. Taharat Yosef 3:20 agrees.
↑ Shach 195:9 writes that even though they refilled it, nonetheless, the leftovers are still there and forbidden for him to drink. Badei Hashulchan 195:59 agrees.
↑ The Orchot Chaim quoted by Bet Yosef 195:5 writes that while there is a dispute whether leftover drinks are permitted leftover food is certainly permitted. The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that since it isn't usual to drink from the same cup if a man would drink his wife's leftover drink it would be a sign of endearment. However, since it is normal to eat someone's leftover food it isn't a sign of endearment. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 125 and Taharat Yosef 3:21 agree.
↑ Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Mishmeret Hatahara 195:39. Mishmeret Hatahara (fnt. 111) in fact quotes Rav Elyashiv that the leftover spread on the knife isn't considered her leftovers since the main food which he's taking is what remains in the container.
↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:6. However, Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a niddah and her husband to use the same hand towel. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:14 argues that it is permitted.
↑ Although the Bach 195:5 argues that it is only forbidden to lie in one's wife's bed when she's a niddah but sitting is permissible, the Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:5 rule that even sitting is forbidden. Shach 195:10 cites Bach but Taz 195:6 argues. Badei Hashulchan 195:77 is strict for Shulchan Aruch.
↑ Raavad (Baalei Hanefesh Shaar Haperisha p. 25) based on Rav Hai Goan, Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b), Shulchan Aruch YD 195:5. The Levush 195:5 explains that the reason for this prohibition is that he might have improper thoughts about his wife when sitting on her bed.
↑ Gemara Shabbat 13a concludes that it is forbidden for a man and wife to sleep in the same bed when she is a niddah. Shulchan Aruch 195:6 codifies this. Taharat Yosef 3:2 agrees.
↑ Pitchei Teshuva 195:11 quotes the Mekor Chaim who says that the beds need to be separated by any amount. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 149 agreed. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2 quotes the Arizal as saying that the beds needs to be separated so that the sheets and blankets don't touch. In terms of the amount of space he writes that it should be at least the width of a person and preferably an amah (60cm) so that they don't come to touch and the blankets don't come to touch. Shiurei Shevet Halevi adds that the minhag is to put something in between the beds. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:87 writes that the beds should be separated the amount of a person's reach so that they don't come to touch. Badei Hashulchan 195:109 and Rabbi Willig (Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 45)) agreed.
↑ Mishmeret Hatahara 195:87 writes that it is permissible for the beds to be attached with a headboard. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2 writes that it isn't recommended unless they are actually detached from the headboard. Badei Hashulchan 195:107 writes that if the headboard is attached to the beds it is forbidden.
↑ Maharam Elshakar 91 writes it is permitted for a couple to sleep under one canopy even when she's a niddah based on Eruvin 63b. Shach 195:11 quotes this. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 154 accepts the Maharam Elshakar and says that it would apply to a canopy that was attached to the beds as long as the beds were separated.
↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:108 explains that the Maharam Elshakar was only talking about a canopy that wasn't attached to the beds but if it was attached it is forbidden.
The Taz 195:6 holds that the concern is one of improper thoughts.
The Nekudat Hakesef 195:1 writes that sitting on the same bench which wobbles because of the weight of one's spouse is like touching one another. Alternatively, it is like sleeping in the same bed.
The Trumat Hadeshen 251 implies that the issue is causing endearment to one's wife by sitting next to her.
The Aruch Hashulchan 195:19 adds that the reason for the stringency is that it might lead to them touching.
↑ Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 136 writes that the Sephardic minhag is to be lenient entirely about sitting on the same bench. However, the Ben Ish Chai (Shana Sheni, Tzav no. 23) is strict about a couple sitting on the same bench when she's a niddah.
The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch. Taharat Yosef 3:30 agrees.
↑ The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.
↑ Aruch Hashulchan 195:20 writes that it isn't proper to go on a pleasure walk if one's wife when she's a niddah just like the Trumat Hadeshen and Rama forbade traveling in a wagon together for pleasure. Badei Hashulchan 195:93 agrees. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144 writes that it is an unnecessary stringency but nonetheless one has to be careful not to speak endearing words and come to levity.
↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:7.
Shitah Mikubeset Ketubot 61 s.v. vekatvu cites Talmidei Rabbenu Yonah who explain that the reason it is forbidden for a man to pass something to his wife (and vice versa) when she is a niddah is because passing an object is like touching.
Tosfot (Ketubot 61a s.v. biymey) writes that Rashi personally was careful not to pass anything to his wife when she was a niddah.
Tosfot rejects any proof from the gemara for the opinion of Rashi. The Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a) and Rosh (Ketubot 5:24) are strict. Shulchan Aruch 195:2 codifies the practice of Rashi.
↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 2:77 writes that a couple may not be lenient on harchakot so that she's not embarrassed because harchakot aren't so embarrassing and also they are part of halacha and we shouldn't be embarrassed to keep halacha. Rav Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 123, min. 15-20) disagreed and held that kavod habriyot could be used to permit harchakot in public when it is embarrassing and not in private.
↑ Rabbi Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 52-3), Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 167, Taharat Yosef 3:38. Shiurei Shever Halevi 195:7:3 is strict for the husband to even be present in the room when she's giving birth.
↑ Pitchei Teshuva 195:1 quotes the Birkei Yosef 217:3 who forbids a man from smelling his wife's perfume when she is a niddah. Taharat Yosef 3:41 codifies this but adds that if he unintentionally smells it it isn't forbidden.
↑ Taharat Yosef 3:42. See Badei Hashulchan 195:2 s.v. velo who considers this idea.
↑ Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.
↑ The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).
↑ Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a niddah shouldn't go into a shul. The Hagahot Maimoniyot (Tefillah 4:3) comments that the minhag was that a niddah wouldn't go into a shul. The Trumat Hadeshen (pesakim 132) permitted a niddah to go into shul on Yamim Noraim since otherwise they would feel bad not going to shul when everyone else is going. However, the Agur (no. 1388) writes that the minhag was that a niddah would go in a shul but just not look at the sefer torah when it is opened. The above discussion is all quoted in the Darkei Moshe YD 195:5. The Rama OC 88:1 quotes the dispute and concludes that the minhag was that a niddah shouldn't go into a shul. The Mishna Brurah 88:7 writes that the minhag today is to go into a shul but just not to look at the sefer torah when it is open.
↑ The Pitchei Teshuva YD 195:19 cites the Chamudei Daniel as saying that a niddah shouldn't go to a cemetery to daven. The Mishna Brurah 88:7 writes that a niddah shouldn't go to a cemetery. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195 writes that a niddah shouldn't go to the cemetery because of a concern of mystical reason of tumah. However, it is permitted for her to go and stand 4 amot from the grave.
↑ The Shaarei Dura (no. 18) writes that a woman who is a niddah may not recite mention Hashem's name. The Darkei Moshe 195:5 quotes this as well as Rashi and others who hold that it is permitted. His conclusion is that the minhag is like the Shaarei Dura. Accordingly, Rama OC 88:1 writes that the minhag was that woman wouldn't daven when she was a niddah. However, the Bet Yosef 88:1, Magen Avraham 88:2, Pri Chadash 88:1, Gra (Maaseh Rav no. 58), and Mishna Brurah 88:7 write that there is no reason to be strict about this and in fact it is questionable how they can not recite brachot and daven when they are obligated to. In discussing teaching Torah to single girls the Tzitz Eliezer 10:8:4 writes that today we don't follow this Rama and the institution of the Bet Yakov seminaries is the proof.
This page was last edited on 12 January 2019, at 23:54.

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