Source: https://underneaththeirrobes.blogs.com/main/justice_is_blind_delicious_gossip_about_judges_who_shall_remain_nameless/
Timestamp: 2019-04-25 05:56:32+00:00

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News, gossip, and colorful commentary about the federal judiciary.
In Camera: Fabulous Photographs of Article III Stars!
Judicial SIGHT-ations: Frolics and Detours of Article III Celebrities!
Chloe Schama, wore a red-and-white zebra-print frock. Ms. Schama, 22, writes for The New Republic. She went to Harvard. She resembles Claire Danes but is prettier. Her father is someone (the historian Simon Schama), as is her boyfriend, a dapper fellow in a tuxedo with slicked blond hair who clerks for a Supreme Court justice.
A3G asked you: Who's the boyfriend? And several of you responded.
As it turns out, Schama's boyfriend is not a Supreme Court clerk. Schama is dating Michael Pyle, who currently clerks for the venerated D.C. Circuit. And not for just any ol' judge, but the Honorable Merrick B. Garland, a.k.a. "the Luttig of the left" (in terms of his track record as a feeder judge).
During this current Term, five Garlandistas are breathing the rarefied air of One First Street. So A3G wouldn't bet against Pyle eventually joining the ranks of the Elect.
Dear Chloe: You have a famous father, a Harvard degree, and dazzling beauty. But you do not yet have the ultimate prize: a boyfriend who is a Supreme Court clerk.
A3G's advice to you: Just be patient. Hold on to your Michael Pyle stock -- he sounds like a real keeper -- and watch it appreciate, until he gets picked up by one of the justices. It's only a matter of time!
It has been months since the last installment of "Justice Is Blind," in which Article III Groupie offers you delicious blind items of judicial gossip, or reveals the names from the blind items of others.
One of those arrivals [from the glamorous White House Correspondents' dinner], Chloe Schama, wore a red-and-white zebra-print frock. Ms. Schama, 22, writes for The New Republic. She went to Harvard. She resembles Claire Danes but is prettier. Her father is someone (the historian Simon Schama), as is her boyfriend, a dapper fellow in a tuxedo with slicked blond hair who clerks for a Supreme Court justice.
Inquiring minds want to know: Who's the stylish blonde hunk who served as Chloe Schama's arm candy?
If you know, or have a good guess, shoot A3G an email. Thanks!
Justice Is Blind: Is THAT What You Call "Good Behavior"?
1. This prominent appeals court judge parties a little too heartily for his own good. At one legal conference, he got so drunk that he had to be carried back to his hotel room -- where the partying continued, through the consumption of tequila shots! The following day, he was spotted with a bad hangover and a pronounced limp (the result of injuring his foot on the dance floor the night before).
2. In contrast to the jurist just mentioned, who may engage in excessive fraternization with non-judges, this Supreme Court short-lister isn't exactly Miss Congeniality. After she delivered a speech at a midwestern law school, she had lunch with some law students and faculty members -- where she proceeded to alienate the entire group, with her pedantic, constant correction of minor misstatements, made by her dining companions in casual conversation.
3. This East Coast circuit judge, who was a distinguished legal academic before taking the bench, has a weakness for reruns of Xena: Warrior Princess.
4. After this comely district judge was nominated as a judicial hottie, a former colleague emailed her about the contest and said that he would vote for her. The judge subsequently declared herself to be "mortified" by the proceedings -- but maybe she was just upset that she didn't make the top five!
5. This female circuit judge was asked for her reaction when a colleague of hers was nominated as a judicial superhottie, but she was not. This judge quipped: "Well, I've been dubbed a judicial diva. Hotness fades; but diva-hood is forever!"
Although federal judges aren't widely regarded as the funniest people, many of them are actually hilarious. For example, our beloved Supreme Court nominee, Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr., has a great sense of humor (as one can see over at his blog).
Judge Alito's sense of humor has been described as "quiet and sly." It's not as flashy as that of Justice Antonin Scalia, nor as snarky as that of the young John Roberts, but it's definitely there (notwithstanding Dana Milbank's somewhat juvenile attempt to portray Judge Alito as a humorless nerd).
The Hallways of Justice. This district court diva, who harbors delusions of grandeur, placed large stonework lions on either side of the door to her chambers. Her neighbor down the hall, an appeals court judge, found the lions absolutely ridiculous (and ugly to boot). Shortly thereafter, he placed two hideous, plastic pink flamingos flanking the entrance to his own chambers.
When [Sam Alito] left the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Third Circuit, those of us in the Appeals Division decided to give him a going-away present. You know those office ink-pad stamps that say "CANCELLED" or "DRAFT" or "RECEIVED" or whatever? We had one made that said "AFFIRMED," to make Sam's job [hearing] criminal appeals that much easier. A little prosecutor's in-joke, you know?
A few months later, an unmarked envelope arrived for us in the Appeals Division. Inside was a slip opinion of the first criminal appeal Judge Alito had heard, with the word "AFFIRMED" stamped about 20 times all over the front page.
Delightful! Although several justices, such as Justice Antonin Scalia and Chief Justice John Roberts, are quite funny, the Court could always use another member who knows how to laugh. Let's get Judge Alito confirmed to the SCOTUS, ASAP!
[T]he opinion we received in the mail with the "AFFIRMED" stamp all over it was not in a case litigated by our office. As I recall, Sam Alito recused himself from all cases that had been pending during his tenure as U.S. Attorney in New Jersey, and even from those that followed his tenure as U.S. Attorney for a period of many months, if not more.
Justice Is Blind: Supreme Court Short-Lister Special!
It's time for one of this blog's most popular features: Justice Is Blind: Delicious Gossip About Judges Who Shall Remain Nameless! Where else on the web can you find blind items of gossip about federal judges?
Like prior installments, this installment of "Justice Is Blind" has a theme: Supreme Court short-listers,* those judicial deities who came this close to winning the Grand Prize -- a nomination to the Supreme Court of the United States.
We tend to think of federal judges as gods and goddesses, perfect beings who lack both the flaws and the desires of mere mortals. But as the items below indicate, federal judges -- even those exalted enough to make the Supreme Court short-list -- are human, all too human.
Perhaps this isn't entirely surprising. After all, as the old saying goes, "To be passed over for the Supreme Court is human; to be nominated to the Supreme Court is divine!"
1. Not Exactly an Eagle Scout. Judge John G. Roberts, Jr., who walked away (or ran off) with the coveted SCOTUS nod, has been described as "an Eagle Scout in his personal life." It's quite likely that President Bush took this into account in selecting him, thinking that Judge Roberts's squeaky-clean background would make the confirmation hearings that much easier.
2. A Few Good Men (and Women). Law clerk hiring season is almost upon us, so a blind item related to the clerk selection process would appear to be in order. This short-list regular gets some excellent people to clerk for him -- although perhaps not for excellent reasons.
First, this judge employs aggressive tactics, including exploding offers: "You're expected to say yes before you leave the room," according to one UTR source. One clerkship applicant asked for a little time to think about the offer and make a phone call; the judge said, "I'd prefer that you not do that." Not surprisingly, after being subjected to such intense, face-to-face pressure from a federal judge, the applicant accepted on the spot.
Second, this judge gets some fine folks to clerk for him because his is known as an "easy" clerkship. When interviewees ask the current clerks the best thing about the position, they're typically told, "It's an easy job," rather than "[Judge X] is a great judge," or "You'll learn a lot and get great training."
Well, no great scandal here; there are certainly worse things than a laid-back judicial clerkship. All the prestige, with none of the pain -- what's not to like?
3. "Hath not a federal judge eyes? If you prick him, does he not bleed?" Federal judges get to exercise the judicial power of the United States. They have lifetime tenure, they earn six-figure salaries, and they get to boss around young legal geniuses called law clerks. What more could they want?
In the days immediately preceding the president's announcement of the Roberts nomination, this shortlister could barely concentrate on his day-to-day duties, due to his anxiety over whether he'd get the fateful phone call. At oral arguments during this period of time, he was visibly distracted; clearly his mind was on other things.
After Judge Roberts's nomination was announced, this judge was disconsolate -- perhaps because he knew that the spot that went to Roberts was his last, best hope for a seat on the Court. This jurist was utterly unable to hide his depression, leading one of his colleagues to remark to her law clerks, "[Judge Y] is really taking it hard. We're worried about him!"
4. Hope springs eternal. This jurist, who is highly regarded and solidly conservative, would have made a great Supreme Court nominee -- if only he were ten years younger. Despite his age, he has not yet relinquished his dreams of a parking spot at One First Street, which he continues to cling to "with every fiber of his being."
Earlier this year, after learning about the selection of 78-year-old Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger as Pope Benedict XVI, this judge half-jokingly quipped, "The Pope gives me hope!" Unfortunately for him, the process of picking a SCOTUS nominee is "more Hollywood than Holy See" in how much it values youth -- as the President's selection of the young, fit, and handsome Judge Roberts ultimately demonstrated.
1. Go into your bedroom, and be sure to lock the door behind you -- so no one will walk in and see you, a federal judge, in such a humiliating and degraded state.
2. Pop the Les Miserables cast recording into your CD player (or cue it up on your iPod), turn up the volume, and put "I Dreamed a Dream" on repeat play.
3. Cry yourself to sleep, to the impassioned strains of Fantine singing, "But there are dreams that cannot be / And there are storms we cannot weather..."
Yes, it's that easy! Take it from A3G; it works every time. She guarantees that you'll feel so much better in the morning!
* While we're on the subject of Supreme Court "short list" gossip, be sure to check out this deliciously dishy article by Peter Baker of the Washington Post, which offers an impressively detailed, behind-the-scenes look at how the White House went about picking a SCOTUS nominee.
My goodness, this is embarrassing! UTR hasn't offered up blind items of judicial gossip since last year. So let's address this deficiency without further delay, with this hot-off-the-presses edition of Justice Is Blind.
But this isolation can go too far. It can lead to judges imagining that the reason for having a "no go" zone has to do with their being superior beings altogether. I remember when [Judge X] was sworn in on the Fifth Circuit, and said to the assembled group that she thanked [Politician Y] for getting her the job, and promised to serve "God," and then after a pause, "my country." Judge John Brown, may his memory ever be glorified by the lovers of Article III, leaned over and said, "[Judge X], I just want you to remember that you were appointed, not anointed."
Care to examine a tyrant on the bench? Try [this Southern District of Texas judge]. He writes his own rules, and if you don't like them, he will send you to jail while hearing a civil case. All local attorneys cringe at the thought of apprearing in his court, knowing that year by year it gets even worse.
[Judge Y] inappropriately tries to strong-arm the parties into settling, so no one will appeal, and when that doesn't work, she tries to jawbone them into not appealing. She tries her best to avoid making the tough calls. Sometimes you just want to say to her, "Your Honor, you're a judge -- so try exercising some judgment!"
The scene: a birthday dinner for the beloved S.D.N.Y. jurist, [Judge A]. In attendance are [Judge A], his wife [Mrs. A], and numerous former clerks of [Judge A]. One of these former clerks, a partner at a high-powered law firm, is now married to a federal judge.
Perhaps in a state of inebriation, the former clerk gets up to give a toast. At some point during his toast, he turns to the (rather elderly) wife of his former boss and declares: "[Mrs. A], you and I are very lucky people. Each of us gets to go home tonight and f*** a federal judge!"
This is just to tide you over. A3G is working on several other blind items that are far more juicy and scandalous than these relatively tame ones. So check back soon!
Almost two months have passed since the last edition of Justice Is Blind, placing UTR at risk of losing its accreditation as a gossip blog. So Article III Groupie presents you with a belated Chanukah gift: federal judicial blind items!
1. Holiday Party Antics. This East Coast district judge attended the holiday party of the local U.S. Attorney's Office, where he proceeded to have a bit too much to drink. Late in the evening, he was seen (and heard) singing along with the music, karaoke-style, at the top of his lungs -- with his secretary, who also attended the party, serving as his backup dancer!
When it comes to scholarly work, she is a lazy, lazy writer. To wit: When I was a staffer on a certain scholarly legal publication, we published an article by [this judge]. Her citation skills were, to say the least, lacking. My personal favorite example was a block quotation -- perhaps 100 words -- with no attribution. No source, no author, no date, no nothing. The rest of her article was similarly challenging to cite-check.
3. Don't Pee on Her Leg and Tell Her It's Raining! This liberal judicial diva, known to reduce her clerks to tears, is tough as nails -- and we're not talking about the Lee Press-On kind! One day in late 2001, around the time of the anthrax scare, a law clerk to this East Coast trial judge opened a piece of mail, found white powder inside the envelope, and fainted -- right in the chambers anteroom.
Moments later, the judge emerged from her private office and started heading for the chambers door. Casually stepping over the body of her passed-out clerk, she declared, "I'm going to lunch!"
1. The Hallways of Justice. This district court diva, who harbors delusions of grandeur, placed large stonework lions on either side of the door to her chambers. Her neighbor down the hall, an appeals court judge, found the lions absolutely ridiculous (and ugly to boot). Shortly thereafter, he placed two hideous, plastic pink flamingos flanking the entrance to his own chambers.
2. Law Suits: Pants v. Skirts. This blind and rather elderly judge, who has somewhat old-fashioned ideas about proper courtroom attire, vehemently believes it is improper for women lawyers to wear pantsuits. He has instructed his clerks to let him know when female attorneys are appearing before him in pantsuits, so he can reprimand them for their inappropriate dress.
And now, a digression. Article III Groupie believes that pantsuits are entirely proper business attire for women, and she is glad she can wear them--dealing with hose can be a major pain! At the same time, however, A3G is probably more partial to skirt suits than the average woman of her age; skirt suits compose a relatively high percentage of A3G's wardrobe.
To be sure, pantsuits are much more comfortable and convenient than skirt suits. They're great to wear for an ordinary day at the office. But for major events, such as depositions or court appearances, A3G brings out the sartorial big guns. In her view, few figures within the world of litigation are more fearsome than a litigatrix clad in the full body armor of a well-tailored skirt suit.
When A3G enters a deposition room wearing her dark blue, Chanel-inspired skirt suit,* she feels like she owns the place. The other lawyers in the room may be tall, white male partners, ten or twenty years her senior, who earn hundreds of thousands more than she does. But when A3G strides into that room, her skirt suit revealing gym-toned calves shimmering beneath pale stockings, she thinks to herself: "Eat your hearts out, boys. You ain't got nothing on me!"
3. Somebody Needs His Meds... This East Coast trial judge has major mood swings and fickle tastes in draftsmanship. One day he complimented his law clerk for preparing an "excellent" facts section for an opinion. A few days later, the judge physically threw the same pages of the opinion at his clerk, calling him "psychologically inept" (whatever that means), and yelling, "How would you like to have your name attached to this piece of [expletive omitted]?" Later that day, the judge announced a lunchtime outing for the chambers staff. But assuming the role of Wicked Judicial Stepmother, he pointedly told Cinderella Clerk, "You should probably stay behind, so you can work on that opinion..."
"I don't like the two-part test in this section of the opinion. Get rid of it," said Judge.
"Judge, it's the test set forth by the Supreme Court," Clerk replied. "And the Second Circuit applied this test in [X v. Y]."
"Oooh, the Second Circuit... And who wrote that opinion?"
"What does he know? He's never practiced a day in his life!"
*No, it's not an actual Chanel suit (neither vintage nor Karl Lagerfeld). But, despite its lack of a marquee designer's name, it's A3G's favorite suit. It just looks great on her, better than many other suits of hers with fancier labels.
As noted by Will Baude of Crescat Sententia, as well as certain UTR readers who e-mailed Article III Groupie with the news, the folks over at SCOTUSBlog have very kindly made the Vanity Fair article available online (in two parts). In "The Path to Florida: What Really Happened in the 2000 Election," David Margolick, Evgenia Peretz, and Michael Shnayerson offer a behind-the-scenes look at how Bush v. Gore played out at the Supreme Court. A3G previously blogged about the piece here (see item #3, following the "Rehnquist Underwear Update").
Now that you can access the article yourself, Article III Groupie no longer needs to provide you with excerpts of its juiciest portions. But she still has some value to add. Hence this latest installment of Justice Is Blind, which will serve as a reader's companion to the VF piece. As originally explained in this post, "Justice Is Blind" is a UTR feature that (1) publishes so-called "blind items," scrumptious morsels of gossip in which the identities of the federal judges under discussion remain undisclosed, and (2) reveals the identities of individuals featured in the blind items of others. The VF article has a few blind items, which A3G will take a stab at addressing below.
[Conservatves] had never forgiven [Justice Kennedy] for his votes to uphold abortion and gay rights, and doubted both his intelligence and his commitment to the cause. Convinced he'd strayed on abortion under the pernicious influence of a liberal law clerk--a former student of the notoriously liberal Laurence Tribe of Harvard Law School, who was representing Gore in the case--they took steps to prevent any reoccurrences. Applicants for Kennedy clerkships were now screened by a panel of right-wing stalwarts.
The liberal snake in the AMK grass would appear to be the insidiously brilliant Professor Michael C. Dorf of Columbia Law School. According to Closed Chambers, the controversial tell-all memoir by former Blackmun clerk Edward Lazarus, Professor Dorf was the law clerk who worked with Justice Kennedy on Planned Parenthood v. Casey--to the exclusion of his fellow law clerks, and contrary to the standard practice in Justice Kennedy's chambers of all clerks being involved, at least to some degree, in all cases.
One "right-wing stalwart" who used to conduct AMK screening interviews was former D.C. Circuit nominee Miguel A. Estrada. Estrada came under fire at his confirmation hearings over his allegedly partisan role in selecting law clerks for Justice Kennedy (click here; see especially the block quote in the middle of the page). Reeling from liberal attacks, "the kid from Tegucigalpa" withdrew his name from consideration for a coveted D.C. Circuit seat, saying "adiós" to his judicial aspirations (or maybe just "hasta luego"; could he be nominated again if President Bush wins reelection?).
3. The Brothers Bravin. On page 355 of the article, the authors refer to "[t]he brother of a Ginsburg clerk, who covered legal affairs for The Wall Street Journal, [who] learned that the paper would soon report how, at a party on Election Night, O'Connor was overheard expressing her dismay over Gore's apparent victory."
The reporter in question would appear to be Jess Bravin, brother of former Ginsburg clerk Eric Bravin.
In closing, Article III Groupie would like to underscore that the foregoing information is all based on matters of public record (or easily derived therefrom by any idiot with Google access and a LEXIS password). So please do not level facile accusations of "hypocrisy" at A3G for providing this information while at the same time desiring to maintain her own anonymity. Article III Groupie, an insecure individual who is desperate for attention, would love nothing more than to be publicly known as the notorious blogger responsible for the federal judicial scandal sheet that is UTR. Unfortunately, in order to entertain and enlighten in these pages while continuing to hold down (highly paid) employment in the respectable and stuffy legal profession, A3G must insist on remaining nameless. She appreciates her readers' cooperation toward this end.
As you all know, the deadline for voting in the Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest is just a few short hours away (Wednesday, July 14, at 11:59 p.m.). After the voting concludes, it may take Article III Groupie a while to count the votes and prepare a suitable announcement post.
A3G knows that you will miss her dearly over the next few days. So, to tide you over, she offers you this second installment of Justice is Blind, containing some new blind items of federal judicial gossip. (The first installment appeared here.) The theme of today's blind items might be: "Federal judges get lonely sometimes. And when they need company, or a little household help, they can always count on their law clerks to be their friends--or servants!"
She Gets By With A Little Help from Her "Friends": This southeastern district judge had her clerks pack her belongings so she could move out after she and her husband filed for divorce. The clerks had to spend an entire week going to her house to pack her up, instead of going into chambers. This judge also invited herself over for a vacation at the home of one of her clerks in a foreign country, where the clerk's family had to hire extra security to make sure the judge would feel safe.
Analyze This: Talk about "issue"-spotting! This Texan jurist has daily therapy sessions. And law clerk attendance at the judge's annual pilates recital is "so ordered."
Driving Judge Daisy: This California district judge, who should probably just retire on account of his age and decrepitude (he uses a walker), forces his clerks to chauffeur him everywhere.
Thanks to UTR's readers for these scoops. Please continue to submit proposed "Justice Is Blind" items, especially tales of law clerk oppression, by e-mail. Article III Groupie is keeping an eye out for them!
P.S. The Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest, including Judge Kozinski's awesome contributions (see here and here), is UTR's claim to fame. But "Underneath Their Robes" has so much more to offer. While waiting for the Superhotties results, check out these favorites of Article III Groupie (yes, she does love the sound of her own voice): Bench-Slapped! Reinhardt v. O'Scannlain (discussing Ninth Circuit cat-fights), Inbreeding at One First Street (A3G's bitter rant over how not getting a Supreme Court clerkship ruined her life), and Fili-BUSTED! Magnificent judicial divas stopped dead in their tracks. Also, don't overlook UTR's mission statement, which justifies A3G's obsession with federal judicial celebrities.

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