jeanong2/finetuned-bert-aita-classifier
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0 | My bf (21) and me (22) have been together for a year now. He has a twin brother john (21) that also has a girlfriend Emilie (20). Here is the issue. For the past months, Emilie has been really mean to my bf for no reason and everytime his brother would find a excuse for her behavior. Its all started in november, my bf and John live together. she wanted to come sleep at their house but my bf said he had multiple exams the next day and that he wanted to focus without having people making noises plus he was really sick. So, He said maybe next time. John, his brother proceeded to tell her that but he said a bunch of lies. She blocked my bf instantly on social media. Me and my bf though it was a bit immature but we moved on. His brother, john came back on him to say he had to apologize for not letting her sleep over that night. A couple weeks after, my bf apologize. We though everything was fine but i guess not. The last straw was last month, January 2024, we all went on a trip to NH. The whole trip she was being mean to my bf. My bf has a food poisoning so he needed to go the bathroom a lot and she was making fun of him which destroy the trip. Now, John told my bf that she was stress and she just lost her job that's why she was like this. Even tho personally i dont believe that's a good reason, me and my bf we moved on. Now, yesterday, we all gathered at my bf house. Him and John wanted us to meet their friends. So we all went and were playing games. Just for the information, as soon as I step in the house, I felt a bad energy. When we were playing games, she was saying little mean things. Personally, I would call that microagressions. While we were playing a game, my bf eliminated Emilie. After that, she exploded, she started to insult him and saying that he had no brain. John , his brother stood there and was also insulting him during the game. The atmosphere was really bad. All of his friends and I were uncomfortable. Everyone left after 30 min. At the end of the night, his brother was feeling guilty. Now , back to this afternoon, John went to Emilie house. He came back and talked to my bf. He tried to explain that she has a lot going on and it's his fault. He basically told a bunch of excuses. I dont believe it. I saw my bf having a hard time yesterday and personally, I think it was the last straw. I told my bf that he shouldn't forgive him right away since that he has been doing that for the past few months. I suspect that the reason why, she doesn't act this way with me is because she knows that I don't play with bullies. Contrary to me, my bf is more sweet and calm and he won't react but I can see that it's draining him. |
0 | Yesterday afternoon my(19m) aunt's boyfriend broke up with her. He had been ignoring her calls and voicemails for three days after she said he wasted money on spoiling his cat in the cat's last days and called it pointless. The guy bought his cat several catnip toys and treats before the cat was put down(cancer). She finally went over to his place to talk, only for him to tell her he's done.
She came over afterwards and told me about this. Then she asked me what I think she could do to get him back. I told her that her best bet is to apologize sincerely, and that even then he might refuse to take her back, which led to her saying I should be more supportive and encouraging.
That was when I said it's sad she needs my advice. My dad told me that I shouldn't say something like that since it made me sound like I pity her, which would only upset her further. |
0 | So I've been dating this girl since early december, we live close, but it's hard to see us constantly, so we managed to spend 2 or 3 days together every two weeks, each time we are together it's amazing, we get along pretty well, everything it's great, except when we are not together
She never asks about my day, how was work, if something is wrong, how am doing, if i had a good sleep anything, but I always asks this questions to her and she is really really open to talk a lot about her day and the things she do, but when it comes to me always ends up in one or two comments about the things a talk to her, or, literally, she just ignores it and change the topic to something about her, it's really hurtful
So I put her to the test this week, since Monday I wanted to see if they were my ideas or if she really had no interest in me
On Monday I told her about what I would do at night, she ignored it. On Tuesday I told her about some new things I was learning at work, she ignored it. On Wednesday there were no questions about me. On Thursday I got fed up and changed my loving attitude for a colder one, it was my day off, the whole afternoon we talked about her and what she was doing, not once did she ask me about my day, if I did something or if I had plans
So on friday i just didn't talk to her, she did ask me what was wrong, I told her everything that had me unconfortable (this is not the first time we talked about this) and she just told me that 'she is not a chat person' i told her that she isnt when she talks about me or my day, but when it comes to her, she changes completely, she told me that when we see each other in person she shows that she cares about me, but i need more than that, i need to feel cared for always. So i just stopped taking to her, shes been looking for me with some apologies that in my opinion are superficial, i am not answering and ignoring her calls. I feel sad and mad, I was starting to fell in love with her, but i think I should let her go |
0 | I like to send my roommate pictures of cute things on Facebook marketplace because we have similar interests and they have a car, so if they see something they like they can go get it.
A couple days ago I saw this jewelry box that is super cute, nearby, and only 10$. I sent it to them and they LOVED it, so I contacted the person selling it to arrange a date for them to pick it up. My roommate also really loves jewelry, has a jewelry making/selling business, so it would be perfect for them.
On Thursday, the person says that it can ONLY be picked up on Friday, because they’re moving that day. My roommate had previously said they could do Friday afternoon and changed their mind, saying it wasn’t worth the time and they needed to prepare for their exam that day.
I thought the box was really pretty so I arranged for my friend and I to drive and pick it up. We do, and I post on my story being excited about how pretty it looks where I put it. My roommate responds to the story, upset, asking why I got it, and I said they didn’t want it so I went and got it. They responded saying that they really did want it, they just couldn’t get it today. They then later confronted me in person (very rationally and calmly) but also really hurt over the fact that I bought it when they wanted it so much.
I feel that because they had all day and it took me a total of 30 minutes, they could have picked it up if they really wanted it. I also gave them every opportunity to get it, contacting the seller, sending them the original link, etc. I got it partially because I felt bad about wasting the seller’s time by sending so many messages, and she told me how if I didn’t pick it up she’d have thrown it away. I completely regret bragging on my story, that was cruel, I just was so excited and I always post when I thrift something really lovely for cheap because my friends enjoy it.
AITA for buying a jewelry box that my roommate really wanted (without telling them), and then unintentionally bragging? |
0 | Good Afternoon, I'm a 29yo US Venezuelan immigrant. I came to this country some years ago, but a few years ago I moved to the middle south of the US.
I've been dating this girl Lucy, who is 21 for a few months. It's been lovely so far, but we couldn't do many things outside of hanging out on daytime dates, because she says her grandma is too strict. She lives with her mom, her dad, grandma, and a little brother, she says her grandma is the ruler of the house and her word is final. I was raised in a family kinda similar, so I understand, but she has an 8:00 PM curfew, most have a, Airtag with her, and she is doing a career has her grandma had chosen for her, which I think, is extreme, but I think is the first world version of the dynamic I had with my family as a child, and I hope someday she can make her grandma relax.
However, I haven't met her family in person yet, because she doesn't let me go to the door when I pick her up or drop her at her home.
I confess the situation is increasingly frustrating me, so last week when I went to pick her up, I showed up at the door to at least see her family from a close distance. Whom I assume was her mom opened it and said "Who are you?" I just said "I'm OP, I'm here to pick Lucy up".
She said "Ok" and closed the door, I stood at the door for a few minutes, and then I've heard arguing inside the house. I could her Lucy's voice but couldn't really understand what they were talking about, and then a man, I assume her dad, came out saying "Sorry, please leave, is not a good time" and I left.
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The next day Lucy called me, she apologized, but said she was mad at me for showing up at the door. Her mom told her grandma that there was a "Mexican at the door" then they questioned Lucy who was it, and then they started to argue about "dangerous mexicans" I reminded her that I was Venezuelan but she said that they don't care about that, then I said that is very obviously racist and said that is just how her grandma was raised and nobody can argue with her, now her grandma told her to cut contact with her so it will be more difficult to go on dates.
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I asked some american friends and they tell me that her family is a lost cause, and some latino friends of mine told me to "get used to it" because that is just how some people are, and that I should have seen it coming. So, Am I the asshole for showing up and making her have a fight with her family? |
0 | I have an air conditioning unit in my bedroom and live on the middle floor in a three story building. The outside part of the unit sits above my neighbour's apartment.
My neighbour complains when I use my air conditioner. She says that it is extremely noisy. She complains directly to the landlord and has never spoken to me about it.
I only use the air conditioner when it is very hot. It's a hot bedroom that gets afternoon sun, so sometimes the walls and floor heat up and make it hard to sleep - unless I cool the room down with the air conditioner. To do this, I'll run it for a few hours in the evening. I always put it off before 10pm, usually by 9pm - I have never slept with it on. To get an idea, January is midsummer where I live and I used it 5 times for less than 2 hours each time. The latest it was on was 8 45 pm. There are times when I use it almost daily but on that schedule - for example, last November/ December there were a couple of long heatwaves.
I have had the unit serviced and the service guy said the noise level is totally normal. The only way to make it quiteter would be to replace it with a different type of unit. I rent so I don't have the power to do that (even if I wanted to).
My neighbour has taken to blasting music for the entire time the unit is on (to the point where I can't hear my TV). She also complains about me in her garden where I can hear (not sure if she knows I can hear).
Am I the asshole, or is she? |
0 | My husband (M30) and I (F29) have two sons, one 2.5 years old and a 6 week old. The oldest is obsessed with trash cans and trash trucks- they are his absolute favorite thing. For his second birthday party, we had a trash themed party and a trash truck came to too. He has a dozen mini trash cans and five different trash trucks that he plays with every day. On Wednesday afternoons, he looks forward to helping his dad put the bins out, he knows that two are for recycling and one is for trash and he knows the trash truck comes on Thursdays. For over a year now, we wait outside on Thursday mornings for the trash truck to come. We even made the trash man Christmas cookies this year.
Recently, in addition to waving at my son, the driver has been consistently honking at him right before he picks the bins up (he used to do it on/off but now has done it each Thursday for about 2-3 months straight). It’s a very quick/short toot of the horn, he picks up the trash bin and then drives away.
My next door neighbor has started yelling at the trash man for honking. She will run out of her house screaming at him and she told me this morning she has complained to the city six times about the horn honking and it NEEDS to stop. To which I replied that I’m not the one honking the horn. She insisted that I go to the driver and tell him to stop honking. I kept repeating that I’m not the one honking and not sure what she wants me to do and she kept insisting that I “need to do something about it” because it’s so disruptive/loud in the morning and that I’m not the only one that lives in this neighborhood and other neighbors have complained too. She all but said/told me to not come outside on Thursday mornings with my 2.5 year old. In our conversation I told her that trash trucks are his absolute favorite thing and her response to that was that other things can excite two years olds.
Now here’s where we’re wondering AITA. The other piece of the argument/complaint she has is that it’s early in the morning, about 7:30am. My point to my neighbor is my 2.5 year old LOVES trash trucks, looks forward to trash day and we’re not making the driver honk the horn, just standing there waving at him. I get that it’s early in the morning so that’s why we’re wondering AITA? |
0 | I am a full-time phd student. This is my last semester (I really hope so...) and haven't received any stipend for a while. So I am stressed about graduating on time. My fiance works a more flexible part-time job (9to5-ish, 2\~4 days a week).
I am really a scatterbrain and my daily routine is really bad; at best 2\~3 hours of highly focused and productive hours, and numerous hours with very low productivity. While any moment of concentration is extremely valuable to me, it also breaks super easily. Even if I was intensely concentrating on my work, small interruptions are enough to kill my focus cold. Currently, I have no life other than staying home almost all day every day in front of my desk trying to get that focus/productivity to kick in. My fiancee knows all this.
When we are both at home, my fiancee usually calls me or talks to me about something and gets mad if I don't respond quickly. So I formed a habit of dropping whatever I was doing when she calls me, and responding/running to her ASAP to avoid conflicts. I don't mind these too much during my free time. However, the problem is that this happens quite often during my "somewhat regular" work hours and frequently interrupts my focus. I realized that it is also one of the factors that stalls my productivity.
I have a small shared office assigned on campus but it is not a great environment to focus either, and parking is expensive. I asked my fiancee if she could be mindful of this aspect at least for this semester. I know my work hours are irregular, long, and inefficient, but I had to ask as I am really suffering. Yet, she got very mad saying that it seems like I don't care about her or basic human interaction and I am an ungrateful asshole.
AITA?
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EDIT: some were unclear and vague, so adding some info for clarification:
1. We live together - the word "call" was misleading.
2. We have a room dedicated to work/study, but she spends a good amount of time doing something else in the room while I'm working.
3. Fiancee works in-person, and usually gets off before 4.
4. I don't know why but I end up tackling all the complicated tasks usually in the afternoon, or late at night when necessary. |
0 | In the past my(15m) mom exercised her visitation by visiting me at dad's, where I live. She recently had me start going over to her place in the afternoon to scoop her four cats' litter boxes. Per what she told me, when she and her ex were together, he helped her pay for the litter and scoop the boxes daily so that four boxes weren't too much work for her. But then they broke up so she put three of the boxes away and kept only one, which she has been scooping only once a week before the cats refused to use the box.
Yesterday I was just scooping when she began to talk about how her ex shouldn't have gone no contact since the cats really liked him, and that he should have stayed around to help. I was quite absent-minded when I asked "Are you sure he didn't do all the scooping?" She looked really offended and said I shouldn't question her like that, saying that because I'm her son I should have some faith in her. |
0 | My (20M) neighbor (50F, we'll call her Jan) has a chihuahua who, unfortunately, has parvo. My birthday is tomorrow, and I was planning to spend it with my family and have cake, gifts, food, etc. Jan called me this afternoon asking if I could take her and her dog to the vet since she can't drive. My roommate (26F, we'll dub her Kayla) has been doing all the footwork for her recently and we had a conversation about me taking more initiative around here, so I decided to give her a break. In the heat of the moment, I wasn't thinking about what that would mean.
So on the way, I called my mom (who happens to have four dogs) to let her know what the situation was. Of course, mom wasn't happy and explained that we would have to call the celebration off for a few days, which I understood. I don't want my mom's dogs to be in any sort of danger. I love them like they're my own.
Some slight context, Jan has had a history of asking for help from Kayla and I for the past few months. We've taken turns helping her with stuff, but once the colder months hit the favors kept piling on and it got really bad. I've expressed my exasperation to Kayla and my mom (I wouldn't dare say something to Jan, I don't wanna hurt her feelings for just needing help, especially since she has a lot of medical issues outside of her control and I can't tell people no to save my life).
I said something to Jan along the lines of, "I'm gonna have to disinfect my car and celebrate my birthday with my family over FaceTime tomorrow," and she started crying and saying she was sorry. I didn't wanna make her feel bad for something she has no control over, but at the same time, I'm disappointed and upset that this day that only comes once a year is gonna have to be treated like a COVID case.
Now, before anyone says anything, yes, I realize that I should've used my brain better. In the heat of the moment, however, all I could focus on is the fact that we possibly have a dying dog on our hands, and I couldn't put myself at a higher level of importance than that poor boy. I called Kayla to let her know the situation and she asked why no one called her first. I explained that I wanted to give her a break from always helping Jan, and she told me she's been doing most of the work because she knew my birthday was coming up and didn't want me to have to quarantine.
So is this something I have a right to be bummed over, or am I just dumb and bad at planning? AITA? |
0 | Friend and I went on a trip together.
We were planning to visit an exhibition. On the night before, I was booking tickets for us and said let’s do the 10am session. He disagreed and wanted to do 11am. I wanted to go early because we had planned other things to do in the afternoon. Eventually, he said that he’ll book his own tickets. We were both on board with the fact that we’re attending at different times and will meet up after the exhibition. So I booked my own tickets and followed through with 10am.
Next morning, we woke up late and I was rushing to my 10am session. I was all ready and about to leave. He wanted me to wait for him to go together at 11am. I said I had already booked my tickets for 10am and was under the impression we were attending separately. As I was already running late, I left first. He ended up going to the exhibition himself at 1pm and we didn't end up meeting after.
Now that the trips over, he’s telling me that I’m being inconsiderate for not waiting for him when he was feeling unwell and said “really weird choice, hope you made the most of the extra hour”. I understand I may have not taken good care of him and have apologised to him regardless, but he is not accepting it. |
0 | Backstory: I (21 F) have been friends with this person (21 M) for around 8 years. My best friend (21 F) and I live in our college town which is three hours from where he lives, but still in the same state. Her birthday is coming up this Saturday and we have all been friends for the same amount of time. He has never come down to our college town in the four years that we have been here. We make time to see him on our summer and winter breaks. This also includes some weekends that we travel during the school year. My best friend asked him a few months ago if he would be available for her birthday and he implied he would be. We hung out with him over our most recent winter break, and he mentioned how he would be traveling in a few months out of state and would be there for a while. We were very excited for him and told him we would visit him there. He seemed surprised we would even make the effort to see him four states away. So much so that he said, “I won’t even visit you while you’re a couple hours away.” The conversation moved on and she even brought up her birthday again as a reminder.
Fast forward to two weeks before her birthday. Our college friend (20 F) who has become friends with him as well, asked for a head count because she offered up her home for the party. Multiple people in the groupchat RSVP’d and we discussed the birthday party. He never responded to that chat and moved past it pretty quickly changing the subject. This is until my best friend was messaging him about something completely unrelated and he brought up his work schedule. Their conversation included being afraid of his boss and asking off specifically for the party. He mentioned that the upcoming week schedules had yet to be released. My best friend asked him if he had asked off for her birthday and he said no even though he had ample time to do so. Our college friend tried to then confirm the headcount for the party again. That afternoon he asked for confirming details such as the date and time. That gave everyone a little hope that he would be there. Later that evening someone in the chat said they wouldn’t be able to go. This allowed him to piggyback off of that by saying he had just gotten his schedule. He said he didn’t have to work the day of the party, but he had to work the next day. This is where I might be the asshole because I replied to that message with an explanation about how he had plenty of time to ask off because she had mentioned this party months prior. He then replied saying that we could move the party up to where he lives. Which seems ridiculous because he is asking multiple people to travel to him, while we are asking for one person to travel to us. I responded with how if he were to ask us to travel for his birthday we would. He then ignored what I said and acted like his phone messed up. He hasn’t said anything since and that was a few days ago. Am I the asshole for asking this of him? |
0 | My boyfriend and I have plans later this evening with one of his friends. She is supposed to be coming over in a few hours. It is 5pm in the afternoon and he has not been up yet (sleeping for 12 hours.) I woke him gently and mentioned that it’s 5pm and his friend will be arriving in a few hours. He proceeded to lash out at me saying “I’ve never seen the likes of it” “it’s none of your business” and “it’s not your problem that she’s coming over.” Though if he continued to sleep and he didn’t have time to get ready and clean, the responsibility would have fallen on me to clean and make sure things were presentable. (I have no issue helping clean, though I don’t feel the responsibility is completely mine to bare) |
0 | My parents are divorced, and because of the custody agreement I am supposed to be at my dad's for every other week. My mom dropped me off outside his house and I went to the door and the key didn't work. I banged on the door and rang the doorbell and nobody came to the door, the house seemed empty. My phone had died and my mom had left because she was dropping me off in her rush to work.
The locks on the doors were new but it was hot as hell out and my dad was supposed to have custody so I thought it would be fine to come in the window. Like I was supposed to be there.
I climbed in the bathroom window that he always leaves open, i slid the screen up carefully and came in without breaking anything. This is my childhood home, I've climbed in that window plenty of times, hell when I was little and playing outside I'd come through the window as a fun shortcut to use the bathroom.
I went towards my bedroom and there was some random lady in the hallway who freaked out, she was scared by me being there and I was like "I live here, I'm Mitch's daughter, who the hell are you" and she left the house without saying. I went around the house and my dad was not there.
(EDIT - A few people asked why I was so rude to say "who the hell are you" - it's because my dad has remarried, he has a wife who is away this month caring for her elderly parents... And I come home to see a random lady looking like she'd slept over the house coming out of my dad's room, wearing my dad's pajamas. It didn't look good, and that's why I was so angrily asking questions)
So he got home and he was mad as hell at me for "breaking in" and scaring a lady he was friends with. Apparently my mom and him had miscommunicated about drop-off time, he was supposed to meet us in the afternoon and give me a copy of the new keys. It was supposed to be after his "lady friend" had left.
And I was like "ok so it was your mistake and my moms mistake, why are you mad at me for coming in rather than sitting out in 95 degree heat for who knows how long. And he was just so mad that I acted "threatining" to his "friend", that she was scared by me banging on the door and screaming then suddenly showing up inside the house when she had no idea who I was. I said that if he's having ladies over, and they're over a father's house, they better damn well expect a kid around it they're pretty dumb.
AITA for climbing in the window of my dad's house? |
0 | I (37M) am single, childfree and have two dogs (German Shepherd mixes). They are very well behaved and super nice, my niblings (aged 2-13) love them.
I have 4 sisters and they have 10 kids total, so I babysit A LOT. I work from home and am pretty much always available to watch the older ones (since I can easily work while they are in my appartment) and when they need care for the little ones, I just move my schedule around a bit.
Yesterday 4 of my niblings were at my place (ages 3, 5, 7 and 8). 7 and 8 are siblings.
I have just one super strict rule at my house: no chocolate. It's deadly for dogs, I don't like it anyway and kids can easily go an afternoon without it.
The 7 and 8yro obviously brought chocolate with them and shared with 3 and 5yro. I was in the kitchen making them drinks, they were in the living room. My dogs were sleeping on the balcony.
I came into the living room and there were obviously chocolate crumbs everywhere. I asked who had the chocolate and 7 and 8yro admitted that mom gave it to them and they always have some with them, but usually eat it in secret.
When my sister came to pick them up a few hours later, I told her what happened and she said that her kids are big enough not to make a chocolate mess. I told her I'm never babysittinv for her again.
She is furious and says I overreacted. Another sister of mine agrees with her. My mother thinks I am wrong for putting my dogs before the children.
Aita? |
0 | I (20F) was recently admitted into a hospital for a night due to a serious but not life-threatening illness. I was completely out of it for several days with horrible pain before my roommate convinced me to get medical help. She took off work to stay with me in the hospital and I cannot express how much her support has helped as my own family lives too far away.
Now I’ve been dating Sam (19M) for about nine months. He knew I was sick and so I texted him when I was first going into the hospital to update him. Since he was working he didn’t read the message until much later. I sent him around 6 texts updating him with what the nurses were saying and including a photo of me on IV giving a thumbs up. It was my first time ever in the hospital and I just wanted to keep the shitty situation as light-hearted as possible.
He responded a few hours later with a thumbs up and that was all. I asked if everything was all right and he said “yeah just you being in the hospital is giving me a lot of anxiety, i’d rather not see you looking like that.” I told him that was okay and didn’t message him for the rest of the night, not thinking much of it.
The next afternoon his mom called me asking if I was okay. She had the impression that I sent him the hospital photo after he told me not to share any information and was disrespecting his request. She reminded me that his grandfather only died a year earlier where Sam had to spend a lot of time in and out of the hospital so the updates were making him grieve all over again. I apologized to her and sent him a text saying that I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. He left me on read.
My roommate thinks I didn’t do anything wrong at all and he’s being too sensitive/immature for involving his mom. Personally I think this is a bit unfair as he was really close with his grandfather and struggles with anxiety. I feel really really guilty as I know how mental health can be and never want him to suffer. AITA?
UPDATE:
This morning I woke up to a text from Sam asking for a break. He told me he needed to focus on himself and that “there is too much drama in this relationship”. I agree.
I’ve been with Sam through all of his anxiety attacks, holding him crying in my arms more times than I can count. He has never done the same for me. I’ve made excuses over and over again for this behavior. I’ve begged him to go to therapy and he’s always refused. This hospital stay (and your comments) have been eye-opening.
Oh and his mom? “she reminded me to let go of my feeling and do what’s best for me. i’m starting up therapy bc i’ll be needing the support when you’re gone.” I actually laughed out loud at that one. She hasn't reached out to me yet and I hope she never does.
My roommate and I are figuring out how to end things once and for all. So yep, that's it for now. Feeling a lot of emotions but I know it's for the best.
(Also thank you so much to all the lovely Redditors who have given advice and wished me well, I'm doing much better and appreciate it a ton.) |
0 | I 21M share an apartment with another guy John (22M). John started bringing his GF Macy around a couple months ago. Which I didn’t have no problem with. She’d just stay here couple nights a week.
Problem started happening over a month ago. Macy came to my room once and asked if she could use my bathroom (apartment has a bathroom in each individual room) because John’s is a fucking mess. I’ve been in there before and I agree. He never cleans it, tub is stained an full of hairs, streaks of piss on the toilet seat, smells like shit, and looks as bad as mens restroom at a public park.
Kinda wish I never let her. After that whenever she was there she’d ask if she could use my bathroom or straight up go when I’m not there. How did I know?
I started noticing toilet paper balled up in my trash bin. My ex used to do this too when she would change her tampon so I knew right away. Then she would literally use my shower when I’m not there because I also started seeing like these long ass hairs stuck on the shower tile.
Not only that, I work night shifts so until late afternoon I’m sleeping in my room. She would wake me up to ask if she could use the bathroom. After I started saying no, she just started sneaking in. I’m a heavy sleeper but a couple times I did catch her and she apologized but it’s because she can’t stand using John’s bathroom.
I’d tell her to tell him to clean it then and problem solved but she says he promises he will then never does.
I’m already irritated with this and don’t want her continuing going in my bathroom. So I went and got a lock for my room. Few days ago John was pissed with me.
Turns out while I was sleeping she kept knocking on my door trying to go in but the lock kept her out. Anyways she needed to pee really bad and John was already using the bathroom and had the uhh...runs.
So yeah I guess she was banging on my door but couldn’t hear cause I was knocked out and also had my headphones on.
She ended up having a small accident cause she couldn’t hold it any longer. Because of that she got mad at John so now he’s mad at me.
I told him why I got the lock and I don’t want his girl coming into my room whenever she wants to use the bathroom. It’s weird and she leaves her own mess too.
Still thinks I was a dick for getting a lock in the first place and doesn’t think it’s such a big deal for her to use the bathroom because it’s not like she snoops in my room (I mean idk sometimes I’m not there). Also dramatic according to him to go through all that trouble.
Macy is giving me the side eye whenever she’s there now and says I didn’t have to be like that with her.
So yeah I didn’t mean for her to have an accident. Don’t think I’m overdoing it by getting a lock when I kinda feel like I didn’t have another option. I wasn’t TA here tho was I? Cause they sure as hell acting like I am |
0 | My brother (29M) and sister-in-law (SIL) (29F) asked Wednesday if they could come for a visit at that weekend. (They 6h away). We said sure, love to see you. Friday afternoon, I (34F) had an ultrasound for my 8 week pregnancy. The ultrasound showed a likely miscarriage. My husband (35M) & I were upset, but as my bro & SIL were already driving, we didn't cancel the visit. We hadn't told them about the pregnancy, nor had we told our 3 kids.
When bro & SIL arrive they were excited to tell us SIL is pregnant, and due 2 weeks before I would have been due. I tried to sound excited and happy for them but I wasn't as excited as I normally would have been. Then it turned into a nightmare.
She didn't like supper; so we ordered in food for her. She needed the bed moved from 1 wall to another. Fine. She insisted on 5 pillows to sleep. I found a couple & she was upset I couldn't give her more & asked if she could go into the kids rooms and take theirs. I said no.
Next morning, she freaked out at 7 am that the kids were eating cereal too loud. She spent the morning curled up on the couch complaining about morning sickness. I sympathized and said it's awful, but it will go away. She screamed "No, you've never experienced this- they gave me the same anti-nauseau drugs they give chemo patients so shut up!" I got quiet. My husband was making brunch and she freaked out that he was going to cook bacon because "the smell makes me vomit." We didn't make bacon. She also didn't want us to make eggs or let the kids have syrup on their pancakes. I refused, so she stormed off into her room until mid- afternoon.
Midafternoon she decides to go shopping and said they'd be back for dinner. We said dinner would be at 5:30. At 5:45 they hadn't show up, and weren't replying to texts, so we ate. They showed up at 6 and she freaked out that we hadn't waited so we ordered pizza. She spent the next two hours complaining about how brutal pregnancy is and how it sucks so much and how she's never going through it again. I lost it & told her that I was in the middle of a miscarriage and I'd love to have her problems because it means my baby would be ok. Everything got quiet and she looked at me and said "I can't believe you'd use the "M" (miscarriage) word around me. That's bad luck, and if I lose the baby it's your fault!" and went to her room and slammed the door. About 15 min later she said "I'm glad you lost your baby. You already have 3, and if you had one right now, you'd just be trying to upstage me. I'm glad your baby is dead."
I burst into tears, and my husband told her to get out. He said "I've watched you complain, whine and bitch all weekend. We stayed quiet about what was going on with us because we though you deserved a chance to enjoy sharing your news. But this is enough. Get out now."
She started screaming about how we are TA while my brother packed their stuff and they left. So, are my husband and I TA? |
0 | Little backstory- I grew up in a very religious home. We went to church (non-denominational) 2-3 times per week. I always questioned what I was being taught and when I was in 6th grade & going to a Christian school, I realized I was agnostic. I live in the Bible belt, so it's difficult having my beliefs (or lack there of).
Despite my family all being religious, they have all respected my beliefs. Not just mine, but my daughters' (ages 8 and 9) dad, who is an atheist, as well. Everyone except my mother. A couple years ago we told her she could no longer take the girls to church. We felt they were being indoctrinated & both were starting to deny science. She argued with us but realized how serious we were. She knew if she took them to church after a sleepover, she would be risking being able to see them & be in their life. Little did I know, she had been having "Bible study" with the girls on nights they would spend the night with her. Maybe every 3 weeks or so, the girls would have a sleepover with her.
The girls had a sleepover with her this past Saturday. She brought them home to me Sunday afternoon. My fiance and I were asking them if they had fun, what did they do, etc. My 8 year old then said "I got baptised!" EXCUSE ME, WHAT? I remained calm because I didn't want her to think she was in trouble or did something wrong. I asked her whose idea that was. She said mine. Ok.. so I ask a few more questions and realize she had the idea because she was told if she were to die, she'd go to hell. She was terrified! So, my mom baptised my baby. My daughter said my mom asked the questions and everything before the "baptism"... like "do you accept Jesus into your heart?"
I was truly blown away by what she had done. It was such a breach of mine & their dad's trust and she had crossed a HUGE line. I sent a group text to my mom & the girls' dad with the following:
"I don't know why I'm shocked, (redacted), but I'm actually blown away by your enormous breach in trust. You crossed a huge line. You know how Ken and I feel about religion. And for poor Emmy to have the belief she will die and go to hell if she doesn't get baptised?? Putting that thought in her head is child abuse, no other way to look at that. My heart is broken for the girls bc I know how difficult and confusing it's going to be for them to not see you anymore, but I absolutely cannot trust you with them anymore."
My ex followed up with this:
"(My name) is speaking for both of us on this. I am heartbroken that you have forced us into having to do this"
So, am I overreacting? Is this going to be more harmful to my children who have a relationship with her? Am I the asshole? |
0 | Husband has a sore foot. No injury or medical condition that would explain the pain but he hasn't been able to walk properly for about a week. Being the absolute pain in my ass that he is, he's refused to go to the doctors until today, apparently he preferred to just pop paracetamol and complain to me.
It's gotten progressively more swollen and misshapen looking and today its gone a funny colour and he can't put any weight on it. So I called our GP who has sent him to the walk in clinic at our local hospital.
We finally get seen and the doctor refused to even examine it. Told him without even looking at the foot that it was a sprain and he wasn't going to prescribe him any painkillers so not to ask. Then he started demonstrating some kind of exercises that involved going up and down on tiptoes and flexing the toes.
I asked if he would please just look as it has gone nearly black in some spots and looks similar to how my wrist looked when I broke it a few years ago. He huffed at me and asked where my medical degree was from.
It put my back up and I demanded to see another doctor or his senior. I was the asshole here because it wasn't me being treated so I get he thought I was a pushy cow- husband wouldn't say boo to a goose in medical situations and would have accepted the doctors instructions without any questions about actually needing to be examined.
Doctor left and we heard him outside the cubicle telling the senior doctor that they have a confrontational spouse who thinks her Web md searching qualifies her to instruct real doctors how to practice medicine. He also states that he suspects my husband of exaggeration to get opiates.
By the time the other doctor arrives I'm seething and lay out exactly what went on and explained I only want someone to look at the foot before sending us away.
He looks....cue xrays, an mri, the good painkillers and a walking boot cast thing with potential to need surgery because he's got 7 stress fractures in that foot- probably from running. Admittedly worse than they needed to be because he didn't get any treatment when it first started to hurt.
Second doctor and someone from the hospital admin come and apologise for the first doctor and ask if we want to make a formal complaint. So I did because the outcome of his not listening to the patient or family could have been worse. Husband did not.
Husband said later that the first doctor may get sacked because of me complaining and I should have left it because no real harm was done.
Was it an AH move to complain? I don't usually have Karen tendencies but he was just so patronising and dismissive and I kept thinking what if it was a young mother with a sick baby and he dissmised that- not everything would stand their ground and there could be really serious consequences.
Edit: Thank you all for the comments and awards- I didn't expect this to go as mental as it did.
I've shown hubby the post and he's starting to realise how serious it could have been and is going to email the admin guy we saw this afternoon- he gave us his contact details for my complaint. He's also agreed that delaying treatment the way he did was incredibly stupid and has decided to chase up the counselling referral with the gp so he will be less useless in future medical situations.
Thankfully we were eventually given appropriate treatment and hopefully the follow up will be positive. I'll stick an update on here if there's anything interesting to report.
Once again thanks for setting my mind at ease and sharing your opinions |
0 | I'm 24f, living with my parents and I work night shifts. I get home around 7:30am and will sleep until around 3.
My parents would come into my bedroom and wake me up at 11am so I could still have time to "enjoy my day". I started using the lock on my door and it stopped. Then they began playing loud music to wake me up but I started using ear buds to block out the noise. They'd call me to wake me up so I put my phone on do not disturb.
They want me to be awake so I can spend time with family. I get it, but I'm available to spend time with them in the afternoon. I don't see why it has to be midday?
This morning they picked the lock and sent my brother in to wake me up, saying that he misses me. I took him back downstairs and handed him to dad saying that I still need more sleep. Dad started raising his voice about how I'm barely even a part of the family anymore. I began yelling that I need my sleep so I can function during my shifts and that it's not like I'm unemployed and staying up all night just so I can sleep all day. He couldn't believe that I yelled back but I didn't stick around and went back to sleep (this time moving my dresser in front of the door)
Neither of my parents are talking to me at the moment.
Edit: Moving out is not an option. |
0 | I (F26) just got engaged. My soon to be MIL is a nightmare. We are currently renovating a part of our place and she has been lent a key in the meantime because she keeps coming over uninvited under the guise of “helping” clean up, but she really just likes to snoop and interfere.
I do a martial art and take my engagement ring off before class. I came home from an afternoon class one day and my engagement ring was not in the jewellery dish that I usually leave it in. I asked her about it and she told me that she’d taken it to a jeweller to get it cleaned. She looked super smug about it and when I asked which jeweller, she pretended she couldn’t remember. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of having a reaction to it so I just let it slide for a couple of days.
A couple of days pass and I ask her about it again and she’s super vague, still pretending she can’t remember which jeweller and saying she’s too busy to go pick it up anytime soon. So I said, “wow, I really feel for that jeweller… hope nothing happens to her.” She asked what I meant, and I told her that my superstitious Brazilian grandmother had performed some traditional ritual on it that’s usually known to curse anyone who takes or handles the ring other than the owner. She looked uneasy and asked me a couple more questions about this ritual and I made some story up about how my mother’s ring had been taken by a burglar who was crushed by a pillar of cement on his way out of the house. (I totally made this entire ritual up and I do have a Brazilian grandmother but obviously she did not do some ritual to my ring.)
The next day, my fiancée told me while I was out that she was there to clean up a bit… Lo and behold, I get home (she had already left) and find my ring where I had left it. It didn’t look any cleaner than it had before lol.
A week later, I receive an abusive call from her saying she’d been in a minor car accident and she was blaming me and my “witch doctor” grandmother, saying she was now cursed for having touched it. I passed the phone to my fiancée who tried to calm her down, but she was hysterical. I told my fiancée what I had told her, and he scolded me a bit because we both know how she is and I should have known she’d react this sort of way.
It’s been a further week since then and she refuses to talk to me and keeps slandering me to my fiancée. Overall he sort of recognises how ridiculous she’s being, but the drama of the situation is making me wonder if the whole curse tale was taking it a bit too far. So, AITA?
ETA: grammar
UPDATE: I really did not expect this sort of response to this post. Thank you all so much for the awards. Fiancée and I have had a big chat, and he’s admitted he has to step up when it comes to his mother. He retrieved her key an hour ago, and he told her not to worry about the curse because it would have no effect on anyone who touched it without malicious intent… big thank you to the commenters who suggested that absolutely gold approach. |
0 | So this is a doozy. Will keep details vague in case anyone recognizes us.
So my older sister has severe issues, including some kind of undiagnosed psychosis and borderline personality disorder.
Last year she started dating this really great guy that she met in her church group. He sort of knew about her issues but not completely. She was really good for a long long time. Then it fell apart a few months ago when they had some kind of massive fight over something and in an attempt to “win” the fight she told him she’s pregnant (she’s not).
She confessed to me and our mom about it because she was scared that if she told him she actually lied in the heat of the moment he’d leave her. So she told my mom that she was gonna wait a few weeks then tell him she “miscarried.” I was really upset and told her this is messed up of her to lie like this, but both she and my mom agreed this was the only way to “keep” this guy around.
Well it had been more than a few weeks but she hasn’t said anything to him. She was still pretending to be pregnant!!! And she said it’s getting harder to lie to him because he keeps trying to go with her to her “doctor’s appointments.” And during this time I suffered a lot of anxiety having to be in on this secret with both of them.
So this is where I could be TA... last weekend my boyfriend and I were out shopping when we bumped into this guy in a parking lot. I had been avoiding him since this whole thing started because it made me sick to think about being dragged into it. He was really eager to chat with us and after a while I couldn’t help it and it all just came out. My bf was trying to calm me down but I literally sobbed and spilled everything and honestly it felt so much better just saying it out loud to anybody.
Long story short. I hear from my mom that he and my sister are obviously not doing well. Fighting all day, and she is no longer talking to me. My mom is so mad at me she said she can’t even look at me anymore. I feel immense guilt but also relief for no longer having to carry this secret but now I think my family will blame me for my sisters unhappiness forever. My mom still believes if we went along with my sister’s plan they would still be together.
My sister also told me she was apparently about to tell him about the miscarriage that afternoon and that I ruined everything by blabbing. I don’t know if she’s telling the truth but my parents certainly believe her. |
0 | Before having our kid (8 weeks old) we agreed that I would be the working parent, and my partner would stay home. We made this decision for various reasons, but we were 100% in agreement before trying to conceive.
I’m now back at work, 50% at home and 50% in the office. I work 10 hour days (plus 3 hours total of commuting on the days I’m in the office). In the morning, I wake up, get myself ready, change the baby, dress the baby, feed the baby. I will try and get the baby to go back to sleep before starting work but this doesn’t always happen. When I work from home, I will take the baby during the day when I’m able to keep an eye on her and work simultaneously. After work, I look after the baby for 1-2 hours so my partner can have some time to themselves, then we do bath time together and I give the baby her final bottle and put her to bed after which I also sleep. During the week partner does all the night wakings, and on the weekend I handle them.
I do all the house admin. I buy all the groceries and do a majority of the cooking. Laundry and dishes are split evenly, my partner handles all the other cleaning. To provide some additional context, partner recently convinced me to lend $300 to BIL who hasn’t paid it back, and knowing him most likely won’t. It won’t bankrupt us, but we really could have used that money this month.
I guess it had been a tough night last night (I slept in a separate room to get some solid sleep), because my partner was snappy with me saying something like “just come take her and get out” when I went to get the baby. So I took kiddo, did our usual routine and then started work (from home). My day started with a call, during which I put kiddo back in my partner’s room and once again I got snapped at: “isn’t it your job to put her back to sleep before bringing her in here?”(I couldn’t, the baby didn’t want to sleep).
After my first call, I had no more planned for a couple of hours, so I took kiddo back. At around 10am I had more calls planned so I took the baby to my partner and promised that I would come back later in the afternoon so they could take a longer nap if they wanted. I then went to make a bottle to save my partner having to get out of bed. As I passed the bottle to my partner to feed baby I got a “what the hell took you so long?”.
So I eventually snapped and said “I get it, you’re fucking tired. But this is what you signed up for when you agreed to be a stay at home parent. Am I not working my ass off to provide for this family and to help make up for the money which YOU wanted to give your brother? So tone down your fucking attitude and show me some more respect and gratitude.”
I didn’t yell, but I was very stern. I also stormed out of the room, and since then have just been working. Was I the asshole to respond in this way?
ETA: my partner has not said anything to me since the incident, and is quite clearly angry about my outburst so I am concerned I overstepped with my comments.
Edit 2: I realise I didn't include genders, but I am the mother in this situation, partner is baby's dad |
0 | I am the mother to two wonderful daughters; Sophia, 32 and Nichole 26 and I'm really not sure if I was cruel toward Sophia for my decision or not. Nichole got married this year and Sophia had her first child which is my first grandchild.
I've had a good relationship with both my daughters and I've always tried to make sure neither of them felt like I favored the other but I admit there were some rough patches with Sophia. When Nichole got engaged she asked if I would walk her down the aisle since her father has never been in her life. I asked her what about her uncles or brother and she said no, she wanted me. I was more than happy to agree and helped her plan her wedding. My daughter Sophia announced her pregnancy around the beginning of the year. The timing panned out that she would be due after Nichole's wedding so she asked if I would be in the delivery room with her and stay with her and her husband for a few weeks after the baby was born to help out. I was very excited too, and since we already live in the same town and see each other almost daily, staying with her wouldn't have been a problem at all.
Instead, Sophia went into labor almost 3 weeks early; the afternoon before Nichole's wedding. I missed Sophia's first call because I was already almost 2.5 hours away where Nichole lives and helping set things up and doing last minutes errands to help. When I called her back I found out she was in labor and she wanted me to get there as soon as possible. I told Sophia I would do the best I could and would let her know immediately when I'd be there. I explained the situation to Nichole, who understandably also wanted me to be there for her but understood that Sophia wanted me with her too. Nichole was able to move her ceremony to the morning and make it a quick 25ish minute ceremony and there would just be a few hours gap between the ceremony and reception. I thought this was a good compromise that would let me be there for both of my girls. I called Sophia and she wanted me to get there that night. I asked if her husband was with her and she said yes, so I asked her to please consider him as a second choice until I could get there. Sophia got upset and told me to forget about it.
I got to the hospital early the next afternoon and missed the birth by a couple of hours. Sophia was so mad she didn't want me to come in when she was moved to a room. I thought that was understandable and she would talk to me soon but it's been a couple of weeks now and I have tried to apologize to her. I've talked to my son-in-law and he said they're both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party. So I am here asking an outsider's perspective if I was wrong to not go to the hospital right away. AITA?
Edit: I did not stay for Nichole's reception. I left immediately following the ceremony, she still had to wait a few hours from the end of her wedding ceremony in the morning until her reception that afternoon. It could not be pushed back later in the day due to the reception venue having an event in the evening. |
0 | Hey Reddit! I am married to a great man and we have a son together, “Noah” (3m). My husbands sister and her partner also have a son the same age, “Brody”. We don’t speak very often as we tend to clash a little bit, but are usually civil enough for the kids sake.
My in-laws live within walking distance to our house, and they asked to take Noah to the park. We of course, had no problem with this, and switched his car seat from my car into theirs. They had a fun afternoon and then came home. However, we forgot to take the car seat out of their car. No matter! I wasn’t going anywhere so I said I would pick it up the next day.
The next day came and they made excuses that they were using the car. I let it go, but a day soon turned into nearly a week and I still had no car seat for Noah. We didn’t need it, as everything we needed was within walking distance, but it was just a bit annoying. Anyway, on the Saturday my husband hears that MIL was babysitting Brody for the day.
MIL picked him up and used Noah’s car seat, despite Brody having his own. Apparently they didn’t want to make a fuss of switching them. (This is actually a point where me and SIL clash, as I prefer to rear face my son as long as possible and have bought a pricier seat to do so, whereas she believes this is stupid and a waste of money, and has an own-brand front facing seat which costs significantly less than our ERF one- and has been very vocal about how bad my choices are, how cruel I am, he must be bored/uncomfortable) so I was surprised to hear that she was happy to put Brody in such an “uncomfortable” seat.
Long story short, they ended up in an accident. Everyone was fine, Brody included, which in part was due to the car seat. Obviously, since it was in an accident, it now needed replacing. The problem lies here.
My SIL (and now MIL too) insist that, should their insurance pay for a new seat, they use the money to pay for a new seat to replace Brody’s front facing one. I disagree, it was their choice to buy that seat and they still have it. If they want a new one, they should pay for it. They used our seat that belongs to my son and now we don’t have one at all. So we should get the replacement, since it was our seat in the first place.
I think I’m right because it’s an expensive seat and we aren’t made of money. MIL and SIL are calling me an AH to put a price on Brody’s safety but I disagree, she was the one to put a price on it by buying him a cheap seat in the first place, saying it doesn’t matter and it’s “only a car seat” when she knew the risks of what she was buying- I tried to help her back when she got it but she told me I was stupid and would do better listening to her.
AITA? We now have no car seat and will have to fork out for a new one, which I don’t think is fair but they seem to think I’m being awful by expecting ours to be replaced and not Brody’s. I feel like I’m in a fever dream. |
0 | I’ve had a long day at work, I’m tired and I’m also minding my own business browsing through reddit and messaging friends. Now I have the vocabulary that would make a sailor blush so to speak but I’m not one to use “filthy” language outside the comfort of my own home or private messages unless provoked.... The train was full like it always is during afternoon peak hour and an older lady and her husband hops on the train and the husband decides he was gonna sit next to another man and she would sit next to me with the aisle in between them if that makes sense. I’m sitting there having a good laugh with a mate through text and the content wasn’t exactly PG I guess and I could see her looking at my messages in the corner of my eye so I did try to move the phone out of sight so she wouldn’t get offended but It was too late she advised me that I shouldn’t bother moving it out of her sight because she had already read it and called me a disgusting millennial and that I should be ashamed of my language (I’m 26 next month) not exactly that young....I looked at her and said how about you mind your own fucking business!
All she did was scoff at me and then the husband told me off for being rude so AITA here?!
EDIT:
OK so first of all I thought I would clarify a few things
1: I AM FEMALE, everyone just assumes your are a guy on this site
2: I KNOW I am a Millennial, what I was trying to get at is that I was not a teenager or super young
3: "I’m sitting there having a good laugh with a mate "THROUGH TEXT" not a phone call
4:I was in no way loud or vocal at any point while I was MESSAGING my mate
5:There was no racism, no videos, or naughty pictures it was purely just "Bad language" and maybe a gif or 2
6:People who are saying that "There is no way this is real" or "this is bullshit", you weren't there and people in Australia DO say shit like this
7: I am only on public transport because I HAVE BILLS TO PAY! I understand there is a pandemic but work has not closed down where I am
8:My only mode of transport is the train as I live like 40 mins away and i'm not paying with my soul for parking for a few hours
9:People who are saying shit like "Why are you posting it when you are obviously NTA?" Im posting this because OBVIOUSLY im second guessing my actions and want another valid opinion |
0 | I(26F) am single and currently living in an apartment with my cat. Next door lives what looks like a single mother(40+-) and her son(8). I work early shifts, so I am usually home in the afternoons and would spend the rest of the day playing video games or painting.
The mother next door sometimes would drop her son by my door and ask me to look after him as she goes out, she would usually pick him up a few hours later. I am actually quite reluctant to help but consider that they may be in difficult situations I just suck it up. It’s not like I have to babysit or entertain him, just letting him play my video games for a few hours and that’s all. The son sometimes makes a mess by rummaging through my things but I could handle that by telling him off and tidy them up later.
It was another one of the days when I let the son in and left him be. For a while everything seemed to be fine, until I realized that my cat was missing. I looked everywhere but she was nowhere to be seen. I then turned to the kid and asked if he had anything to do with it, but he was busy with his game and brushed me off impatiently. Some time later, I found my terrified cat in the FREEZER.
I confronted the kid and demanded to know why he did that? He swore to god that he had nothing to do with it at first, then changed his words and said that the cat jumped in when he took some ice for his drinks. I then ignored his protests and locked him in the bathroom for the rest of his stay till his mother came to pick him up.
Not surprisingly the mother was furious about how I treated her son. I told her that I did it for the safety of my cat because I found her precious kid trying to kill her. She argued that I could have locked up my cat instead, in which I replied that I had no obligation looking after her son in the first place. She threatened to press charges against me before storming away with her son.
I shared this with my friends and while some said I should have rejected them a long time ago, others said I went too far. What do you think?
Edit: I need to point out that the agreement to "look after" the kid was that I only needed to allow him inside and play video games and he stays till his mother returns. I am no "babysitter" and I made it clear to the mother, in which she agreed to it and still asked for my help.
For those who wondered, kid wasn't locked up for "hours", maybe 30min~ or so, I don't really remember, was busy checking on my petrified cat. The cat is fine too. |
0 | I'm (17f) the oldest of five. Ever since Covid my parents have left me in charge at home, and have me cooking dinner most nights (6/7 to be exact). My siblings and I are going to school virtually so we're in the house together all day. Although they're going out to friends more now. There were always complaints about the food I was cooking (don't want pasta, no rice, why more chicken, used up too many groceries for one dish). But lately it has been bugging me more. I made pizza one night. I did a regular pizza because I was tired of complaints about the choices I was making. But even that wasn't good enough. My siblings all wanted more cheese and said it was shitty (siblings are 15m, 14m, 12f, 10f). My dad wanted pineapple and ham on his pizza. My mom said pizza wasn't what she wanted to come home to on a Wednesday afternoon.
I said nothing. I didn't even show I was frustrated. But the next day I didn't make them anything. I made myself some spicy chicken noodles. Had it all cleaned up and everything before anyone got home and then everyone was home and they were hungry and complaining and then my parents exploded because they said I was being petty and rude and they threatened to ground me because I didn't do all my chores. I told them they should have thought about that before shitting all over everything and I was doing more than enough and why ground me when I never leave the house anyway, I'm basically a live in nanny at this point and I get treated worse than they would treat a paid nanny.
They said it was a wrong move to let them go without food. Especially my siblings.
I guess I can see why that would be an AH move but honestly they should be more appreciative too.
AITA? |
0 | On mobile. Sorry for any formatting issues.
I live in a fairly remote area that attracts a lot of tourists due to a nearby popular hiking trail. My place has 4 units. Two are Airbnb type rentals and two are permanent residences. Mine is one of the permanent ones. We have a lot of problems with tourists using our parking for turning around, looking up directions, or just trying to park and leave their cars while they go hike. There is a large parking area for tourists by the trailhead. Our parking area is a large, open area. This is private property and there are signs posted.
I have 3 friendly dogs and the other permanent resident has 2. We very rarely leash any of them. We just let the out and supervise their running and playing. I will leash them if on of the Airbnb guests has an issue with dogs.
So I go to let my dogs out this afternoon and there is someone out in our parking area, messing with his snow chains. He has a kid (around 9-10 years old) with him.
Me (M): Are you visiting someone here?
I get no response, so I ask again. Still no response. So I start playing frisbee with one of my dogs.
Tourist (T): Can you please leash your dogs? We are afraid.
M: Are you visiting someone here?
T: No, I’m just stopped to take the chains off.
M: Then, no, I’m not leashing my dogs.
T: We are afraid of dogs.
M: This is MY home. My dogs are on my private property.
Tourist gives me a dirty look but doesn’t say anything. He finishes taking his snow chains off and is getting ready to leave.
T (with a rude tone): I’m sorry I asked you to leash your dogs. We’re just allergic and afraid.
M: You are on private property and are trespassing. My dogs have a right to be here, on their property. Maybe you should have thought about that before saying something.
He didn’t say anything else and left a few minutes later.
I posted about the incident on my Facebook and someone said I was rude for not accommodating. I think I’m in the right because it’s my property and this guy had no right to be here and was trespassing. So, users of Reddit, AITA?
Edit to add a few things.
Info: 1. The local laws are that dogs must be “under control” at all times, meaning leashed, tethered, fenced, or voice commands. My dogs are all trained to obey voice commands. 2. Public parking areas are available less than half a mile in either direction. 3. He was fully in my driveway with room to put at least 2 vehicles between him and the entrance.
Also, I could and would have been nicer if I hadn’t asked him twice if he was visiting and been ignored. It wasn’t clear what he was doing when I first went out because he was standing next to his car. I didn’t get really close because I am female and was concerned for my own safety.
Edit 2: Once he told me he was scared of dogs, I made sure they stayed away from him and his car.
Final edit (I hope): I got home from work and there was a note on my door. It basically said he would have been much more comfortable if I had leashed my dogs but thanked me for “at least being nice enough to keep the dogs away.” So, for all the people who said I’m TA, at least know I wasn’t a total AH. |
0 | I (F27) was having a casual conversation with a coworker (M50s) and he brought up that the enrollment period for our company insurance was coming to an end and asked me if I had finished signing up yet. I responded by saying "Oh, I use my husband's insurance. Our company is opposed to reproductive rights and only covers birth control when mandated by law". He said something along the lines of "I guess you need some type of control" and we moved on to talking about the technical work that we were doing.
Later in the afternoon I got an email from my boss (M26) and he said that I shouldn't talk about details of my personal life with my co-worker and it made people uncomfortable.
My thought is that equal rights only happen when people are willing to make it a part of mainstream conversation. AITA for responding truthfully, but possibly with a bit TMI to a conversation started by my co worker, or should I have just kept it at "Oh, I use my husband's insurance" and not finished the sentence?
Edit: There was one other person in the room when I made the comment (also M50s). My boss didn't say who, but my belief is that it is the other person in the room who made the complaint, not the one I was actually talking to.
Edit 2: Wow, a lot more attention than I thought. First, a lot of questions about my work. I work for a hospital owned by a catholic conglomerate that employs about 125k people. I accepted the job when it was my only career related option for work, and it can be hard to leave. I wish I could work for someone with all the same ideals as I have, but then I would probably just be self employed. There are several people in my department who are openly non christian religions, and LGBTQ+. Just because it is a catholic organization does not mean it directly reflects the views of many of the employees.
I spoke with my boss today. He was promoted from being my co-worker about a month ago and is still semi transitioning into his first management job. He apologized for his email without discussing with me and I apologized for my combative tone in the work place. He mentioned that our company policy includes harassments to include conversations that make people uncomfortable when they are within ear shot even if they are not directed at them (which confirmed my suspicion) but also conceded that what I said would not be considered harassment. I apologized for taking such a combative stance and said I will try to be more cognizant of my tone and audience in the future. He said that he never made an official statement to HR and was addressing this as a disagreement between coworkers. I also believe my other coworker's statement was a sort of "clumsy agreement" with me as I saw in the comments, not an attack at me, so I did not mention it. I have a summary of our conversation in email and saved. I doubt he handled it the best or most officially, but in the interest of an amicable work place, I have left it at that, have my documentation, and don't intend to follow it any further on my end. |
0 | Me (34M), my daughter with type 1 diabetes (11F)
My daughter has T1D, and has been diagnosed since she was 5. For the most part, she handles it like a champ, but she’s a kid. Sometimes it sucks. I don’t blame her when she’s upset about it. She’s gotten very good at managing how she’s feeling and speaking up when she feels off or wrong. That said, she’s 11, and the nurse and 2 of her block teachers are meant to supervise when she gives herself medication. We have a 504 plan in place at her school and have had it in place since diagnosis. I have conferences with teachers every year, and since she started at the middle school this year, her new nurse and administrative staff. I let my daughter speak her piece and let her feel heard. She’s struggled with non-school extracurricular before ignoring her concerns when she says she doesn’t feel good because she “looks fine”. This school year started the end of August and we met a week prior.
I got a call Monday afternoon while I was at work saying that the school bus driver had to call the ambulance for my daughter on the way home because she fainted. My job is forty minutes away so I said I would meet them at the hospital.
She was awake and chatting with her nurse when I got there. Her blood sugar had dropped very, very low while she was at school. She was feeling better and didn’t seem too bothered so I took her home once allowed and let her pick a movie to watch.
Once the movie was over, I asked if she didn’t feel good at school. I needed to make sure she wasn’t ignoring her symptoms and had eaten lunch. She told me that she felt weird just before the end of the day, and checked her sugar with her teacher, who had sent her to the nurse when it was really low. When she told the nurse she needed glucagon, the nurse said no and she should take it at home when she gets there.
At this point, I was raging. The nurse did not give her her medication AND THEN SENT HER TO THE BUS. The 504 plan in place has a stipulation that if her blood sugar is too low at the end of the day, she cannot take the bus home. The nurse is supposed to give her glucagon and I get called to pick her up/arrange someone to take her home. The bus drivers aren’t trained to know what to look for or to give her medication.
I called the school Tuesday morning to arrange a meeting to talk about what happened. We scheduled it but it hasn’t happened yet.
In the meantime, I went wild. Mile long Facebook post with pictures of the 504 and hospital bill and me ranting. It kind of took off and got a lot of attention.
Last night, my siblings and coworkers started telling me maybe I went too far in making the post, specifically in my naming the nurse. It was shared in a couple of different pages on Facebook for our county and town, and a lot of people have been making comments on the school board’s social medias about the nurse. A lot of the outrage comes from other parents with kids on 504 or IEP plans.
AITA for calling out the school/nurse? |
0 | I(20) am the type who prefer to live in my own world most of the times unless working or asked to be social and usually spend my weekends alone in my room with doors and windows closed, headphone over head and either watch drama or play games. I live with my parents and sister(23), who is a single mother(for now that is, complicated) of a 2 year old.
I woke up at 1pm on Sunday after binging a series of movies the previous night, cleaned myself, ate something and went back to my room. At around 4pm my sister stormed into my room and screamed at me. I was confused at first but then understood that she had left my niece in the house and I was supposed to babysit her.
I don't mind babysitting but as, but I didn't remember her telling me anything about babysitting the previous day. She told me to check my phone and there it was - a text previous night from her telling me that she would be out next morning and asked me to feed and look after my niece till afternoon, I missed it. I honestly did not know that the baby was in the house and assumed that nobody was home. My niece had been hungry and must have been crying for a very long time(though I did not hear anything), soiled herself and was rather miserable.
My sister kept yelling at me till she got into tears, calling me unreliable, useless, waste of space and some vulgarities etc, which might be true but I don't really care. I responded that she should also be ashamed of herself for leaving her baby to someone as unreliable as me without even bothering to confirm that I have received her message. She as the mother and primary caretaker, not me and if anything she is the one neglecting her child. My sister cried harder, left my room and hasn't talk to me since.
For the peace of the family my parents have been urging me to apologize to my sister for being harsh on my words and pushing blame to her. I can apologize if that is what they wanted, but I doubt she would forgive me. I think I was just stating the truth though, AITA?
Edit for clarity
I do have a job, study and pay (lower than market) rent and do chors too, just that I don't like human interaction in general so when not required to be social I prefer to be alone reading, listening to music, watching drama or gaming.
I don't remember hearing my niece crying that day. It could be me my headphones canceling out her sound or that when she wasn't crying anymore when I came out. It could also be me being completely oblivious, can't deny that possibility.
There are hundreds of messages on my phone every day, from advertisement to group chats and personal messages. While I do get notifications I don't tend to check messages that frequently when I am not working, so my sister's message got lost in there.
Yes I am apethetic, always had been but I can be social when needed and get along with my peers. No I am fine so I don't need "professional help", just like how being gay isn't a mental issue that needs to be corrected(no offense, just a comparison).
My niece is fine. |
0 | I am 20 and I bought a car myself, I insure it myself, I pay for all my own gas and maintenance and everything.
I'm temporarily living at home and my parents wanted me to give them the spare car keys so they could move the car if it was in the way ever.
I said OK.
It turns out when I have been out, or not paying attention, they've been lending my car to my sister who is 17 and has a minors driving license. I told them that wasn't OK to have done without asking me, plus I told my sister to stop taking my car out.
I don't like her driving it because I don't have my car insured for a minor driving it, and what if she crashes? Plus, even though I'm hardly going out, I don't like seeing my car missing with no warning randomly.
Anyway, my sister has used my car several times since then. I think my parents let it slide, they know she's doing it even though I don't like it. I asked for my keys back and they said it would be too inconvenient to not have them because we have to double park in our driveway and sometimes cars need to be moved.
So I made a plan. I put an old cellphone in the glovebox, on a charger. And I installed a "track my child" sort of app on the phone so I could see where it was going.
So, when I saw my car gone one day, I called my friend who picked me up and we went to where the car was. It was parked in the downtown area of the city on the street. I took it back with my keys and we drove it to my friends house to hide it. Then my friend dropped me off back at home.
My parents got a call later that day from my sister panicking saying she was stranded in the city, she'd lost the car. They drove out to get her, and they all came home.
I started asking questions like "what were you doing with the car" "did you lock it?" "Are you sure?" "Did you misremember where you parked?" "You're sure it's stolen?"
And my sister was freaking out, like saying she was sure she locked it and she was sure of where she parked it and it was stolen.
I was like "Well maybe you know how I feel having my car stolen with no warning all the time!! It sucks, right? You go expecting the car to be somewhere and it's gone?"
She was like "but that's different, it was just me driving, you know the family has keys"
And I was like "You know I have keys, right? I'm sure it will turn up somewhere"
My sister and parents realized I had the car by then, and my sister was furious for stranding her in the city at night, for making her think for a long time that the car had been carjacked, etc.
My parents are also pissed that I didn't think of her safety when I left her without a way home.
(Edit to explain about the safety thing.
I took the car back in the early afternoon, I didn't expect her to be out till nighttime.
It wasn't a sketchy area, The area was a rich ass neighborhood that's always crawling with cops. There were also gas stations and convenience stores open all night that she could have gone into to wait.
I'm a young woman myself, I went to college near that area, and I never had any trouble being out there late and alone. Being stuck there would be inconvenient but not really sketchy)
AITA for stealing my car back? |
0 | My SIL lives in a fairly large 6bd farmhouse on 10 acres. We are building a home across the street and in the mean time, we have a camper parked on SILs property. The only time we go in to her house is to use the bathroom or shower (we have electricity in the camper but no running water). The rest of the time we are across the street building and our kids (14m, 12f, 8m) are with us helping. We pay SIL $180 a week to park our camper there, which is campground prices.
Late afternoon yesterday my SIL asked us to all come inside to talk and she pulls up her chore list, with my kids names added to it. Things like laundry, dishes, cleaning the living room, sweeping, mopping, cleaning table + countertops, garbage, returnables, even helping cook meals (we do not eat with them), etc. She said "Does this work for you? I won't let anyone clean the bathroom because I'm the only one who does it properly." I immediately said no. My kids don't even go in her house unless they are showering or shitting so if anything, I'd make them clean the bathroom, not the rest of the house that they don't use. I'm not going to be making them do chores to that extent for simply using the bathroom, after they've been helping us all day with building our home. My SIL, who works all the time, says "the kids are in here much more than that because all my snacks are gone and I always come home to a trashed house and I didn't before you guys started staying here". She's clearly not putting two and two together with the fact that her own daughter (12) has had consistent friends over for the past 2 weeks since school let out and her husband (46m) does nothing to parent. Which I brought to her attention. My kids don't eat her food at all either. I've made a point to preach to my kids about minimizing our foot print here for this specific reason (her trying to blame my kids for her trashed house).
My husband is saying that maybe I should just allow her to add the kids to one or two chores a week to keep his sister at bay but I've refused. We pay to be here and we do not go indoors at all unless it's for the bathroom, as I've stated. My kids are not going to be scrubbing her house top to bottom for using a restroom and I have since told my husband we need to create an outhouse system (on our property) so we don't have to go in there at all. He says I'm making things more difficult when in reality, I'm protecting my kids from being used. AITA? |
0 | Edit -I had the meeting with my principal. See the bottom for an update.
I'm a high school student in a Spanish class and we had an assignment to make a video tour of a place. It had to be in Spanish, and had to be conversational like you were showing a friend around.
I decided to just walk around my street and make a tour of that because my family wasn't going anywhere else.
So I filmed:
A neighbors house. When I walked by they were having a screaming fight like usual "Here are the neighbors, they are very angry. They like to yell in the morning, afternoon, and night."
The next neighbors house "Joe and Tammy live here, they are very nice and have three dogs"
Someone drives by and catcalls me profanely. As a joke I yell back "ESTUPIDO PERRO" which means "stupid dog" then he slammed his brakes and yelled something racist before speeding off. I said to the camera "This man is very stupid. He is a man but acts like a dog."
(Edit to clarify something, I'm white but I think this idiot assumed I as Hispanic because I was speaking Spanish. A lot of people in the comments are talking about my experiences as a person of color, and I just wanted to clear up that I'm not, and don't want to speak for the people who actually experience this kind of shit regularly. Because one rude comment is nothing like having those kinds of experiences all your life.)
I also introduced 10 other mundane things like flowers, a bird, etc.
I cut out the long sequences of me walking. But I left everything else. My teacher had a rubric of the types of descriptions and numbers of things you needed and taking any out would lose me points. It was too dark out to film more.
The second part of the assignment was to upload the video on the school website and post comments back and forth responding to several of your classmates videos.
One of my friends from class recognized the racist guy as someone who volunteers with the middle school soccer team. So she texted me like "haha should I say something?" and I said sure, so she posted in Spanish "In the car is Mr. Jones who coaches the children. I learned from your video that he hates women and is racist."
I replied to say "Does he teach the girls or the boys" and she replied back 'Both". I replied back "That is terrible."
A guy in my class made a comment like "The man yelling at his family is a police officer. He is always a very angry man." I replied back to say "That is scary."
The next day at school, my teacher wanted to talk to me alone. She told me that my video was inappropriate and I shouldn't have filmed the neighbors or the coach. I said that the assignment was literally to walk around a place you're familiar with and react, like you're having a conversation with a friend. And that is literally how it goes when I walk around with my friends.
My teacher said I was being 'beligerent' on purpose and I should have known that stuff has to be dealt with delicately. I said I just don't agree, it's just life and there's no point pretending that's not happening.
She said she'd taken down the video and it was the sort of thing that should be brought to authorities instead of posted for the whole class. I said I didn't even know who the guy in the car was, and who was I gonna call about the cop? The cops?
I have a meeting with the principal coming up tomorrow.
AITA for having posted that video for the Spanish class?
Update;
I had the meeting this morning. I think it went well. I have a study hall now so I have a little time to write an update.
So, last night I did a bunch of prep. Before the meeting I
- Emailed the video to the elementary school principal, guidance counselor, and a few parents I know with kids on the sports team to say their coach had yelled sexually explicit and hateful things at me, a student in the school system. I wanted to get out ahead and make sure the video was out there before the school might be pressure me to delete it.
- backed up the video to multiple places
- Asked a teacher I trust to sit in on this meeting, and have it be recorded and sent to all participants afterwards. We scheduled it for just before the school day started, on Zoom, so I wouldn't miss any class.
- Decided to write up a list of things I'd want to discuss in the meeting and shared it with my favorite teacher in advance so she could help me address those questions.
And for the actual meeting... I decided I'd just go into it, acting as if they would obviously do the right thing. And ask for help. I was hoping having a teacher on my side and the meeting on video would pressure them to help.
I thought if I approached it from an "well obviously you're going to take this seriously" perspective and had it on video, it would put them in a tough spot to have to contradict me.
So when I called in, and everyone said Good Morning and the principal asked if I knew why I had been called in this morning... I just started out by saying "Yes, I assume it is about (Kids Coach.) Thank you so much for calling this meeting with me this morning, I really appreciate how proactive you are about addressing the sexual harassment from a staff member... I understand this is a mandated reporting state, I wanted to ask if there was any information you will need to add to your report.
And the principal seemed kinda caught out and said that a report had not yet been filled. I said "Well, as I understand it, there is a 48 hour timeframe to file a report... I understand making you aware of this right before the weekend might have complicated things... Perhaps there was a miscommunication about the severity of the events? But I was approached in a car, sexually harassed and threatened by a man who works with other minors in the public school system.
As soon as I said all that, the meeting tone really changed. The meeting also had a school guidance counselor on it, and I could tell she understood how serious what I was saying was. Especially because I was politely calling out that they were already past the legal deadline that shey should have filed a report by. She actually took over and the principal didn't participate as much.
I also tried to smooth things over somewhat by saying I was sorry I brought this to their attention in a school project instead of asking for a meeting with the principal directly, I should have reached out for help.
So that's over. I'm still kinda freaking out how big of a deal it turned out to be. Also I wanted to say thanks to everyone who had great suggestions for how to approach this, like having an adult to back me up, getting the meeting on record, and knowing about mandatory reporting. |
0 | Myself (43M) and my wife (41F) have lived on our street for years with our two boys, James (12M) and Sam (6M).
Every Saturday morning Sam and I have a ritual, he calls them our dude walks. We look for spiders, dig in the mud, and stop at our neighborhood park to play. It's sort of a standing meetup for a bunch of parents in the area.
Recently a new family moved in the next block over. The mother mentioned that she had two boys too, Kyle (13M) and Aiden (7M). I told her about the Sat morning park group in case she wanted to meet some neighbors.
When she showed up with Aiden it was clear he has special needs. The mom was friendly, she sat with all the parents while the kids played. Aiden is an enthusiastic player. Loud noises, banging on things, getting up in the other kids faces. The mom was good about correcting him, and he wasn't aggressive, just excited.
The other kids are wary when he flails, but they include him in play still. One Sat he was having an especially tough day. I called Sam over for a snack. He said "I don't want to play with Aiden, can we go home?" So we left. The next day Aiden's mom came to my door. She told me that I should have talked to him about differently abled people instead of just abandoning her son. We agreed to talk to Sam.
The next weekend Sam said hi to Aiden, they played together a bit, but when Aiden got loud again, Sam retreated to the highest platform where Aiden was scared to go. When Aiden asked him to be his partner for a game, Sam said no thank you. I felt that was fine. My wife still felt bad, so she invited them over.
Aiden had one melt down but other than that it went fine. Afterwards Sam asked please could Aiden not come over again. I asked James what he thought of Kyle, he said that the kid was obnoxious and didn't smell great.
The next weekend, Aiden destroyed my son's favorite toy. He snapped the arms and legs off. Sam yelled "YOU ARE A VERY MEAN LITTLE BOY!" I did not make him apologize, we just left.
Now instead of going out in the morning, we go on Sat afternoon after Aiden has left the park.
After a few weeks, some others started joining us. We didn't discuss why. But I suspect that they didn't all shift their weekend routine around solely because they missed my sparkling personality.
Aiden's mom eventually got wind of it. I don't know how. She wrote us a long heartfelt letter. She felt I had not done enough to discourage Sam from ostracizing Aiden and that my "pull" in the neighborhood was influencing others to avoid her son now too.
Sam has tried his best. He's verbalized his need for boundaries from Aiden to us three times now. James has also been clear that he doesn't like the brother, Kyle. As long as both of my kids treat them with respect, I'm satisfied.
I can't control what the other parents choose to do. We'll continue to be friendly and be good neighbors if they need a hand, but not play with them. AITA? |
0 | I was saving all year for a birthday present for my son, who's turning 14 this year. I was able to get him a bike, and he's been wanting one for a while since he grew out of his old one about a year ago. His birthday is next Friday, and he's been extremely excited.
The bike was kept in my parents garage, and my sister, who's also 14, decided to take it out for a joyride and managed to get it stolen. I told her she had to find it in 24hrs or I'd call the cops.
My parents thought I was just trying to scare her but I really wasn't. I'm a single parent and saved for months just to get it.
My sister couldn't find it, so this afternoon I called the police and they've told me they probably won't be able to get the bike back but my sister will end up getting a slap on the wrist.
My parents are mad at me, because I have the potential to ruin my sisters life with this. AITA? |
0 | My husband and I hosted my 29th birthday party yesterday and invited 6 of our friends (3 couples that we consider our core friend group)
I had come across the concept of molecular food pairings a few months ago and was really intrigued by the idea. Some of the recommended pairings require expensive ingredients like caviar that I can’t justify buying on an average day but my birthday seemed perfect. So that’s what the theme was - a molecular tasting party. I put together a total of 15 “courses” but they were very small, just a few bites each. There was also a moderate amount of other snacks laid out and cocktails.
My husband and I both had a really good time. We ranked the pairings, had drinks and played card games. I thought everyone else enjoyed themselves too.
This afternoon, we got a text that was presumably sent to the wrong group chat that said, “can we just be honest and say that the whole thing was weird? She’s like this every year. The rest of us just go out, how has she not gotten the idea yet? It’s rude”
Another person replied, “at least last year she made an actual meal. I’m mad I even brought a gift”
I sent “wtf?” back and the whole chat has been silent since.
I don’t know what to think. It really hurt my feelings and I don’t even feel like they like me at all if they talk about me like that but also… if I’m making people feel like they’re forced to participate in things they think are weird, that’s a selfish thing to do too and maybe they’re right. |
0 | I (27f) have two sons. My oldest is 6 and my youngest is 2. My sister (31f) has two daughters ages 9 and 7. Up until a year and a half ago we lived in different states. Then she moved back and I started spending some more time with my nieces and it was horrible.
1st time: Took all the kids to McDonald's and the oldest threw a fit because she didn't get the toy she wanted. She was yelling and saying I needed to buy her another meal to get her the toy. She tantrumed all the way back to my sisters house. During this the youngest kept throwing food too and wouldn't stop when told to.
2nd time: My sister and I took the kids to the zoo. The youngest spat in my oldest's ice cream because he got the last of the flavor she wanted. My sister made very little deal out of it and shrugged it off. The oldest told my oldest that's the reason you give them what they want.
3rd time: Was going shopping, sister asked me to take the girls for the afternoon because things came up, had them in the car and they both threw a fit because they didn't want to go grocery shopping and then they kept kicking the cart when I was going around. The youngest tried to break something so we would be made leave. I stepped in to discipline many times and got told I was not their mom and they didn't have to listen to me. I ended up dropping them back with their dad.
4th time: Brought all four kids to the park and they didn't want to stay because they thought we were going to a water park. They did everything they could to ruin my oldest having fun and then when I pulled them back and said if they couldn't play nice or entertain themselves, which I tried to get them to do, they would run in different directions and yell. So we left after less than half an hour.
Final time: They were at my house so my sister and her husband could have a date night. They wouldn't eat the food I prepared (nuggets and fries) because they wanted pizza. They didn't want apple pie they wanted chocolate cake for dessert. They were spitting in everyone else's food and throwing it on the floor. I got the same attitude when giving discipline and they started yelling when they weren't getting their way. This lasted all night. They wouldn't go to bed. Didn't sleep. Woke both my kids up.
Each time I sat and spoke to my sister and she seemed to take it seriously, especially after I pointed it out after the zoo incident, and then the last time she shrugged it off as kids will be kids. And I told her if that's how they behave then I'm not going to have them in my home or take them anywhere. She said that was fine. Then after she returned to work post-lockdown she asked me to help out in a few emergencies which I said no to and she called me an ass for not helping. But the way they behave I am not willing to sign up for that. Especially if she's going to shrug it off.
AITA?
I wanted to add this here because more than one person has brought up why I would give them so many chances and subject my kids to them. It's because I was happy to finally be more active in their lives and I have always loved having a big family around us. We grew up with a lot of cousins and sometimes they spent time at our house and we spent time at theirs. I wanted that for my kids. So yes, I let it go on too long for my own kids sake because I kept hoping my sister was serious and the next time would be better but it never got better and eventually I do have to put my kids first and say enough is enough, which is what happened.
I am sad that it ended up like this though.
Adding some more details here that have come up along the way (also thank you for all the responses. I was not expecting it and I am relieved to see them all). My parents have had some bad experiences with them too. Throwing food on the floor, yelling at them, being demanding and rude. In my parents house they never spat but there was an incident in their own home where my sister decided my dad should get the bigger steak and the oldest did not like that and so, yeah, you don't need me to go into details. My parents were horrified. They're still horrified. They would never have allowed us to behave anything like that and at their ages it's just awful.
I don't know of any specific issues. Part of me is wondering if there is a reason they moved back here. Maybe it's just my negative mind after everything but maybe they lost all their support there? Maybe they had babysitters and help there but his family got tired of it and refused because of the behavior? No way would that behavior come out of nowhere but I wasn't around enough when they were little to know if they were acting out like that or not. Otherwise it sounds like they just get away with doing whatever they want and so they never learned how to stop. I am aware they've had some issues in school but I don't know any details really. I can't imagine they would get away with the spitting though. No way would a school tolerate that. |
0 | Five years ago, when I was in high school, I got a job as a kennel technician at a pet store. when I got the job, I was told to go get a few pairs of scrubs, and that I need to wear scrubs to work every day. I helped people out around the store just like all of the other employees, but my main job was to help the vet take care of the puppies. Obviously, the vet did the heavy lifting and I was just there to assist. I don’t know for sure why I was required to wear scrubs when the most medical thing I did was give the dogs their medicine, and I’m pretty sure it was just so the kennel techs looked professional (the owner was a bit pretentious and was always concerned with appearing professional).
Three years ago when I started college, I had to quit my job at the pet store. I was determined to pay my way through college and not take out any student loans, and as much as I loved that job, it did not pay very well. When I quit, I got rid of all of the shirt scrubs, but I kept the pants because as it turns out, nurses have been holding out on us, and scrubs are really comfortable. I treat them like sweatpants. They are comfortable and just something for me to wear around the house on my day off, but I would never go out in public wearing them.
Fast forward to two days ago, when I went out to go check the mail while wearing some of my old scrubs without thinking about it. Our neighbor who lives in front of the mailboxes was out watering her garden and she perked up when she saw me. She she got all excited and told me about how her daughter was a nurse, and how she knew I was in college but she didn’t know I was going to college to be a nurse. So I of course cut her off and said oh I’m actually in college getting a degree in history and I go on to explain why I had the scrubs and all that. To say she was mad about me wearing scrubs would be an understatement. She compared it to stolen valor, when people dress up like veterans and first responders when they aren’t. She went on and on about how hard her daughter worked to become a nurse, and that nurses “have earned the right to wear scrubs.” I was honestly a little baffled, because I wasn’t trying to pretend to be a nurse, and now, one of my neighbors who I barely know is lecturing me in the middle of our neighborhood.
She posted on Facebook that afternoon that she saw someone out in public wearing scrubs, and that when she talked to them it turned out they weren’t even a nurse. It was very clear that she was talking about me, but I do appreciate that she said it was a stranger at a grocery store since she is friends with a lot of the people in our neighborhood. I didn’t even consider that I could be in the wrong until I saw how everyone who was commenting on her post was agreeing with her. So am I the asshole? |
0 | Over the last couple weeks, I’ve seen chalk drawings pop up on the sidewalks. Nothing wrong with that and some of the “art” is encouraging like little “obstical courses”.
However. This afternoon I came outside to see someone drew a huge cross in chalk on my driveway along with #HeIsRisen and Happy Easter. I took out my hose and washed the away the chalk drawing and then took my dog for a walk.
When I came back, as I was walking up my driveway, one of my neighbours came out and said “excuse me, is there a reason you ruined my daughters drawing?” I clarified wether or not she was talking about the chalk drawing on my driveway and she said yes and that she daughter spent almost an hour on the drawing and was just trying to spread positivity and celebrate Jesus.
I said that I was sorry that I upset her daughter but that it was my driveway and I didn’t agree to have someone draw on it especially when it was a religious holiday I Don’t celebrate (I’m Jewish but don’t consider myself religious).
She then went off an started calling me things like “anti religious, a miserable asshole and a horrible person.” I tried to tell her to calm down and stop verbally assaulting me. She then told me that I will regret washing away her daughters picture, flipped me off and walked away.”
was I the asshole here for washing away the chalk?
Edit: just found out she has two daughters 13-15 so neither of them are “little” girls. |
0 |
I M27 am a nurse. My fiancee and I have a one year old babyboy. Fiancee doesn't work. She decided to leave her previous job and stay at home. We've agreed that since I'm the one working she's the one handling home chores. Our son's care's shared meaning there are times when I handle his feeding/bathing/cleaning/etc. However I made it clear that when it's time for work she should be taking responsibility. So far everything has been going according to what we agreed upon. But recently she's been complaining about my shift hours changing which is something I can't control obviously because currently the unit lacks in nurses and it's impossible for me to do day-to-day planning because sometimes I'd work 12h. Sometimes 15. So it's quite unpredictable but I do my best to spend time at home and give my fiancee time for herself.
Her cousin's wedding was 2 days ago. That morning my fiancee wanted me to skip work and stay home with our son so she'd go to the salon with her sisters.
I told her I can't just skip work for the day I already had a long day shift that started at 7.45am til 6.00pm. I told her she could either call my mom or just wait for me to come home. She threw a fit and saying her cousin's wedding was important and I was being unsupportive. I left home after that and started my shift at the hospital.
At around 1pm. When I was in the middle of work. It usually gets busier in the afternoon. I got a few missed calls from my fiancee. Then she sent a text telling me she was at the hospital's parking lot with our son. I went to meet her there. She wanted me to take our son and watch him til she gets back from the salon at 4. I lost it. I told her I can't watch our son when I'm in the middle of my shift and she kept saying I should just let him stay with me and that it was okay. I absolutely lashed out at her. I called her unreasonable and selfish. She could've let someone watch him but she said her family was busy. We got into an argument and she left him with me, I had to drive to mom's house and let her have him til I finished my shift. I got home and I was extremely pissed. My fiancee and her mom said I overreacted and that I was supposed to help since he's my son too. Mother in law said I was in the wrong for caring more about work than my own son, but I already told my fiancee I was busy. she wanted me to apologize for yelling and causing a scene but I refused after this.
I want to mention that she's normally fine with my work schedule until recently and whenever there's an event. We'd both make arrangements and I'd stay with our son while she's gone, This time I told her I was busy and that I won't be allowing her to distract me from work but she was being stubborn thinking I'm prioritizing work and being unsupportive. Those might be her mother's words but my fiancee takes responsibility here.
This 'misunderstanding' as my fiancee calls it could've ended with a discussion but her mother is determined to paint me as the bad parent who isn't 'pulling weight' and taking part and responsibility in caring for our son. I'm tired of her and how she keeps judging me while ignoring her daughter's behavior. |
0 | I'm a 28-year-old woman. My husband is 31 and we recently had our first child together; a little boy who's about to be eight months old. We've just found out that we are expecting our second child.
We also recently moved a few states over for my husband's work. We moved to a town that's a bit of a cross between an old, small town and a suburb, and we ended up buying an older house.
A few weeks ago we were still getting settled in. I was working on unpacking while my son was taking his afternoon nap when I heard the doorbell. I answered the front door and saw an older man (probably mid 60's) with a couple of little girls (not sure how old they were; but likely under 10) standing on my front porch.
"Hello" he said. "I'm really sorry to drop in on you like this. My name is \[...\] and these are my two granddaughters. This was the first house I ever lived in and I lived here until I was 12 years-old. I've always missed this place and I just want to see it one last time, and also show it to the grandkids since I've been boring them with stories about this place their entire lives. I don't mean to impose, but I notice you just moved in here, so would it be asking too much to just let us walk through here one time? We'll be gone inside of 30 minutes; I promise."
OK, now; I don't know this man. Admittedly, he looked completely non-threatening; short, bald, chubby, and with a pleasant expression. But, still, I was a pregnant woman home alone other than my tiny, vulnerable, sleeping baby. Based on that I told him: "Geez, I'm sorry, but no. I'm just not comfortable with strangers traipsing through my house right now."
He answered: "I completely understand, but we really won't be a bother. We won't touch anything and we'll be gone soon. I know this is an odd request but it would really mean a lot to me if you'd just let me in for a little bit."
I answered: "No, sorry. I can't do that. This is my home and I won't let a stranger in without a good reason. Please leave."
He said: "I think giving an aging man one last visit to his childhood home is a 'good reason' but OK. Can't force you." He then left.
Later that evening when my husband got home I told him about the weird encounter. He told me that I should have just let the man look at the place. He said that we all get nostalgic about the places we grow up in and that it would have been a nice gesture to let this man see his childhood home. He also said that I likely just fostered bad will among my new townmates. But I think that my comfort and safety as well as the safety of my son is more important than some random person's reminiscing. |
0 | My wife and I have a 6-month-old baby girl. Due to postpartum anxiety, which she is being treated for, my wife struggles with leaving our daughter with anyone outside myself or my mother, who lives with us. This hasn’t been an issue thus far and as I said, she’s in therapy so little by little, it’s been getting better.
Unfortunately, my nephew (who was also 6 months old) passed away a few weeks ago. He had been in poor health since birth but it’s still obviously devastating for the entire family, especially my brother and SIL. They held the services the following weekend.
I was in consistent contact with my brother and we were discussing the funeral. He said he knew it was a lot to ask, but could we please not bring our daughter. I said I completely understood and didn’t even intend to. One, in my opinion, babies do not belong at funerals. Two, this is a funeral for a baby of a similar age. Why would one want to bring up that reminder? My brother said he knows how my wife is about leaving the baby so they understand if she can’t come.
Well, my wife became irritated when she found out I “didn’t defend her”. She reminded me that she doesn’t trust anyone to take care of the baby outside me and my mom, who obviously have to be at the funeral. She doesn’t want to miss it either, but also won’t agree to leave the baby with anyone else. We have several family members on her side that we are close to, as well as good friends who also have kids. I said even if she just went to the service and not the gathering afterward, that’d just be an hour. She said no, she can’t handle the thought of leaving her with anyone else. I said that’s understandable and that clearly, my brother and SIL would rather her not come if it means not having a baby at the funeral. She continued to complain.
Finally, I said she has two choices and she needs to make one, I don’t care which it is. I won’t’ hold it against her either way. One, either allow someone else to watch the baby for an hour. Two, stay home with the baby. She says that I’m not even pretending to be on her side and I said I’m not, because this isn’t even about us.
My wife ended up staying home with the baby. When my mother and I returned later that afternoon, she shut us both out. Eventually, she calmed down but she has made comments here and there making it clear that she feels I should’ve tried to convince my brother to let the baby come. AITA? |
0 | Throwaway. Sorry for any mistakes, not my first language.
My wife (43) and I (41) have two kids, a 16yo son from a pervious relationship of mine and a 14yo daughter. My son has been living with us full time since he was four.
To the current issue: My son has been suffering from cluster headaches for about one year now (they run in my family). He gets them every other month. Yesterday he got hit by one again while I was at work and my wife was home. When I got home in the afternoon I found my son in the driveway carrying pots of plants inside (my wife loves everything that has to do with gardening and plants and regularly buys new ones), or rather attempting to. He was visibly in pain, pale, moving slowly, the typical watery eye etc. When I asked him what he was doing he told me my wife had told him to help her move those but I didn’t think he was in any condition to do so and sent him inside and to bed. I got inside and confronted my wife with it and she immediately got mad at me, saying it wasn’t a big deal for him and that she had him take one of his pills (they help but can only do so much). So I reminded her that she lets our daughter stay home from school for two days every month and frees her of any chores when she’s on her period and is essentially being a biased hypocrite. We argued for a while and she said I’m „undermining her authority“ but I insisted on leaving our son alone for the day and carried the plants inside myself (Which I’d done anyway had she just waited for me).
Just to clarify: I don’t interfere with my wife keeping our daughter home when she’s not well, if she says that’s necessary then it’s fine with me. I’m also not asking what is worse but I don’t think it was okay of her to make our son do this when he was in a lot of pain and basically grimacing with every movement. She also knows that he's not that great at standing up for himself. But, AITA for that argument? |
0 | Repost since I accidentally posted this on my main account and I'm pretty sure my SIL uses Reddit.
I (40f) am South Asian and my husband "Luke" (42m) and the rest of his family are white. We have a beautiful daughter, "Amara" (14f) who has decided to start wearing bindis in day-to-day life two months ago (Before anyone asks, no I didn't pressure her into this decision. This was all on her own and I don't even wear bindis daily). I helped her buy a bindi bag and Amara had carried it around with her whenever she'd be gone from home from more than a day ever since.
Last weekend, I let Amara go to my SIL "Bree" (45f)'s house. Bree has two kids, "Danielle" (15f) and "Chase" (13m). Saturday afternoon, Amara called me crying and told me that Danielle and Chase had been teasing her about the "dots" on her forehead since Friday.
That morning, Danielle and Chase had grabbed the bag out of her room and dumped it into the pool as a "prank". It sank to the bottom, and since Amara can't swim, she wasn't able to grab it.
Amara went to Bree and told her what happened, and Bree took Danielle and Chase's side, saying it was kids being kids and that they did Amara a favor with that prank.
I comforted my daughter over the phone, and went to go pick her up soon after Amara said she didn't want to be at Bree's house anymore.
Once I got there, I helped Amara put her bag into the trunk before going to Bree to confirm the story. Bree confirmed it, and doubled down on what she said hard.
I was irritated at that and soon left with Amara. When we got home, I told Luke what happened and he suggested not having Amara go over to Bree's house until Bree apologizes for saying that the kids did Amara a favor by throwing her bindi bag into the pool, and the kids apologize for the incident itself.
I agreed with that being a good idea, but checked to make sure Amara was okay with it first. Amara said that she doesn't even want to see her cousins or aunt now anyways, so I sent Bree a text explaining that Amara wouldn't be coming over under they all apologize.
I didn't get a response at first, but when I did, Bree was telling me that was unfair and that I was punishing her and her kids over a dumb prank. I just replied that I just want an apology for my daughter and that should be a simple request.
Bree didn't reply back, but my MIL ended up calling me and telling me that I was horrible for not letting Bree see her niece and that both Amara and I needed to get over the incident when I explained Amara doesn't want to be around Bree or her kids either.
Luke is on my side with this, but my MIL won't stop texting about how I need to just let this go and let bygones be bygones
Edit: I ended up editing this since I accidentally used my husband's real name a few times due to getting angry while writing this post. |
0 | I’m currently 38+2 days pregnant and expected to go into labour anytime as this is my 4th baby.
But for about the last month my husband has barely been around. He goes to work with his buddy usually until about dinner mon-fri. Comes home to eat dinner, watch the news, shower, and then goes out to see a different friend for the evenings usually coming home anywhere from 9-12. And then weekends are usually spent with these friends doing other random things usually not work related. When I have tried to talk to him about how I’d like him to spend more time with me he always says I need to make my own friends. Today his exact words when I said I don’t ask that much of him were “yeah I know but if you had friends you’d ask even less.”
Well he called this afternoon to tell me he wasn’t coming home after work and would probably be having drinks tonight with his friends and he then proceeds to tell me he fully intends to go to his buddies party next weekend as well.
I didn’t get upset and just said fine. Have a good time. Before he hung up he said if I needed him to call. My response was no I wouldn’t be calling. if I went into labour I’d be calling someone else. And now he’s mad at me saying that I’m being a child. But I see it as if he’s drinking this close to my due date and planning on drinking next weekend whether the baby has come or not then he clearly doesn’t care to be there. It’s not like I can call him and have him come home to go to the hospital with me drunk as a skunk. So am I really being unreasonable by telling him no I won’t be calling him if he’s not here when I go into labour? |
0 | My ex-wife and I divorced almost two years ago and don't co-parent great-mostly just try to ignore one another unless necessary for us to interact (not mature, I know, but my attempts to change that were not met kindly). We have three children together and the youngest, Evan (8), has been struggling the most with the divorce. The past few months he’s been having meltdowns when he doesn't get his way- if we go to a restaurant he likes but that one of his brothers picked, or if he is made to clean his room instead of playing video games. He will yell that we're all mean, he doesn't like us and call his mom to come get him. She does, and then an hour or so later he gets dropped back off. I've asked her to not come get him, that it’s my parenting time and he has to learn that he can't run away whenever he doesn't get his way, but she basically told me to f- off.
So I picked the kids up Friday and told Evan that if he called his mom to come get him that he had to stay with her all weekend and I would see him again the next day I had custody (I have him two days a week and three weekends a month). He got mad Saturday morning over multiple things and called his mom to come get him. When she showed up, I reiterated the new rule to him and told her that if she took him she was keeping him all weekend. She basically blew me off and they left. A couple hours later when I was out with the other two, she called to see where I was because Evan had cooled down and was ready to come back and she had "things to do." I reminded her that I told both of them if he left that he was with her all weekend. She blew up my phone all day angry because she had plans and couldn't find a sitter, Evan called upset a couple times but I held my ground. He called Sunday and was apologetic and asked if he could come to church with us and I told him yes and kept him the rest of the day and he was much better behaved. My ex says I am an asshole, which I’m used to, but then when I told my mom and sister, they also said I was too harsh and should've let him come back Saturday and I find a different way to handle the behavior issues. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I talked to them. Should I drop this new rule or just ignore their opinion?
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Update: Wow, thanks for all the responses. I got a lot of really good advise and things to think about. I have made an appointment with my attorney to discuss getting Evan into therapy that she can not interfere with and also to find out my best course of action for when/if she shows up in the future. Wanted to jump on and answer a couple questions, though. A lot of people asked how Evan was contacting his mom- she got him a phone for Christmas. He is not supposed to bring it to my house bc I once took it away when he and his brothers were bickering all day (they all go their phones taken away). Evan told his mom and she told me I had no right to take his phone away since she paid for it. So I told her that the phone stays at her house when he is with me but half the time he hides it and I don't know he has it. He will also call/text her by getting one of his brother's phones. Once he even went in my office and Facetimed her on my iPad. I usually don't know he's doing this because the things he decides he is going to call her about are random and often benign. Once, he called her because he didn't want to go to Lowes. He whined about going, I told him he couldn't stay home by himself so he had to go and proceeded to finish cleaning up the kitchen. Less than 10 minutes later and his mom is at the door to get him. He hadn't thrown a tantrum or anything-just normal whining that my other boys did at that age. Later that afternoon when all the boring errands were done and I was about to take the older boys to a movie he got dropped back off. Mostly when he calls her he is not emotional and crying- he just isn't getting his way and is frustrated. The older two got the same way at his age (heck they get frustrated now if they are told no) but they didn't have the option at his age to have someone come get them so they go their way. |
0 | Now, I fully understand how the title sounds, and I’ve seen posts like this from the wife’s point of view, but please hear me out.
My wife is really close to giving birth, and we are both super excited to welcome our baby girl into this world! However, the issue is the fact that my 92 year old grandfather is sick and will most likely pass on in the next week or so. He has been one of the kindest, best , and coolest people I’ve known, and he had a huge hand in raising me, so I want to fly over there in a couple of days to say goodbye and attend his funeral.
My wife feels that this isn’t as important than seeing the birth of my daughter should she go into labor while I’m gone, and while I know that the birth is extremely important , but I really want to say goodbye, and this can’t wait, so AITA?
Edit:
Some of you asked when she is due, and that isn’t for around 2 weeks. What I’m thinking of doing now is to take the car this evening (its a 5 hour drive), say goodbye tomorrow and come home in the afternoon. I will zoom for the funeral. You are all right, my wife is the most important person.
Edit 2: Hi guys! Thanks for the support on this post. I took today off and started driving to my grandfathers town around 2 and a half hours ago. My wife is at home with my SIL and MIL, and my BIL and her best friend live 5 minutes away from her, so she’s fine. She was really happy about this compromise and gave me her go ahead since she knows how close I was to my grandpa. I’m at a rest stop for lunch right now and the plan is to get there around 5 in the evening, talk to my grandfather and say goodbye to him, then drive back home and be there around 12 AM! I was actually speaking to my wife and MIL and they said it would be really nice if my grandfather picked out my daughters name, as a sort of connection to him for her after he passes on. Thanks!
Edit 3: I talked to my grandfather. It was super emotional to say the least, but it seemed like he really enjoyed it, as did I. I asked him about naming my daughter, and though he refused and said it wasn’t his place at first, he eventually gave us our baby girls name. Madeline Rose, after my grandma and great grandma respectfully. I’m going back home now, but it seems like my grandpa is going to go pretty soon. I’m glad I got to say goodbye at least. Thanks. |
0 | Five days ago my brother called me to let me know we had a pretty bad storm coming, asked me to drive up to help him patch up some stuff. He has livestock and didnt want to risk them getting injured.
My wife said she and our two sons (four and six) would stay at home, not wanting to risk getting stuck during the storm.
Three days ago she called, to let me know she and the boys were sick. I asked if she wanted me back early - my brother could of dealt with the rest on his own. She said no, and so I stayed. Storm hit pretty bad, and I didnt get home until last night.
I got in and my oldest (nonverbal autistic) was really clingy. I didnt think much of it, he's always like this when he's sick. Youngest was sleeping. This morning he gets up and is clinging to me as well, which he doesnt usually do. Lets me know he's hungry so I make breakfast and they both finish it, oldest signs more and youngest agrees.
At this point I'm concerned - to get our oldest to eat is a struggle, and its worse when he's sick. I get them more as asked, but ask my youngest whats going on. He tells me "mama is too sick".
I ask about it, she confirms she was too sick to make them food, so all they had mostly been living on whatever the boys could grab for themselves.
All of the lower cupboards are filled with little snacks - gummies, crisps, the like. Which is all they had for three days. We were running low anyway, so who knows when the snacks ran out (we had none left, I checked).
I got mad. Told her she cant let our kids live on junk just because she doesnt want to get up and make food. She says she was too sick, I say she should of called for help. She has a sister less than ten minutes away. Her parents are around the corner from us. My parents are thirty mins in a car, but I know they would of driven down.
There is absolutely no reason to let them go hungry. On top of the fact that I offered to come home and look after the boys so she could rest up.
She's claiming I'm insensitive, I dont know how sick she's been, etc.
Her older sister came over to "help" but mainly to call me an abusive husband. Essentially saying that if I cared that much I should of taken the boys to my brothers with me. Which, I was going to, but my wife literally asked to stay at home with them. Her parents are also siding with her, saying that a few days without set meals is hardly neglect.
My parents are disgusted with her behaviour, but have told me to let it rest until she and the boys are better.
I dont know if I'm being irrational or not. But I feel like if food was going amiss, what else was she neglecting? Their teeth brushing? Our oldest isnt potty trained. Was she leaving him wet for hours on end?
I get she's sick and wasnt thinking straight, I do feel a little bad as she does seem worse this afternoon. But my kids deserve better.
Am I the asshole here?
(Lmk if info is needed - some was cut for character limit)
**ETA:** Before I left we had about six packets of crisps left, maybe ten fruit gummy bags, a twelve pack of mini rolls and a six box of cereal bars, and then whatever snacks were at the back that we hadnt pulled out. All three were eating that stash, so safe to assume they ran out quickly.
I am also a stay at home dad. This is the first time she's had the boys overnight by herself, which is why I was going to take them with me. She had this week prebooked off work because our oldests birthday was earlier this week and we were meant to be taking him to soft play and the zoo. She just booked the whole week off rather than individual days.
To the few people asking if she's autistic too bc genetics and what not; while she may be autistic in her own regard, she didnt carry the babies (which may explain her being less attached than I) and has no genetic relation to them. |
0 | English is my third language. I'm an immigrant, married into a predominantly white family. I think I'm fluent enough. I still have an accent and likely will for the rest of my life, and sometimes I lost handle on grammar when speaking too quickly or when I'm stressed.
My in-laws are for the most part neutral about me, at least when I'm around. However, there has been a few instances of them showing disappointment in their son for marrying not only another man, but an immigrant one. Listing them would take too much space and isn't completely relevant. Just their existence is.
Husband's sister, my sister-in-law, had her first daughter last year. Now that the economy is stabilizing, she wants to go back to the workforce to help her family get back on track (BIL was laid off and had to find lower paying job). In-laws has been taking turn babysitting her daughter while she's job-hunting, including husband and I. We usually have her on Thursday afternoon, right before her nap.
Three weeks ago, while babysitting, MIL and FIL came over to visit. Niece was being fussy, so I rocked her in my arm and sang her a lullaby in one of my native tongues as I usually do while she's being fussy in my care. MIL didn't exactly snatch her out of my arms, but it was a close thing. She told me off for using "foreign languages that will mess up her language development."
Like I said, this was the last of a long list of passive-aggressive behavior from her part, so when husband's "mom!" did absolutely nothing as usual, I said that it's alright, and that I just won't speak around her so she doesn't pick up my accent and mispronunciation and wrong stressings. That's exactly what I've been doing since then. Whenever we have her over or if we're visiting SIL or we met on a get-together, I only respond with a nod, a shrug, or a head shake, sometimes hum or other such noises. Husband is upset, of course, but when I point out that MIL has nothing to complain about since I did that, he always shuts up.
A couple of days ago, SIL's friend was visiting when we came over for dinner. As usual, I became nonverbal while in my niece's vicinity. SIL's friend noticed and (very politely) asked if it would be helpful if she signs while speaking. I was honest, and told her quietly that I have an accent and don't want to affect my niece's speech. Things were very awkward afterwards, rightfully so, and when we got back home, husband and I got into a very big fight over this. He said I'm being childish, which I was... under the orders of his mother. We haven't spoken to each other since. AITA?
Edit: Hello everyone, I've been reading as many comments as possible, and I'm thankful for all your responses (there are just so many lol). However, my SIL's friend, the one who asked me if I would like her to sign to me, got in touch with me just now, asking if I'm alright because she's concerned about the dynamic she saw the other day. She was very polite and apologetic, and the fact that this stranger asked me how I'm feeling before my own husband does gives me a lot to think about where my life has taken me. I think the resolution to all this might not involve my niece after all. I'm still thankful for your help, however, and it did help me clear my head a little more. |
0 | My (15M) school has recently restarted all of the sport programs after almost a year of no/limited activity. Before that I was part of the swim team, one of the smaller groups at our school. I love swimming and it really sucked that we couldn't go for such a long time.
With the restart, the school also made a new system. Every student writes down 3 different afterschool activities in order of interest (so 1. choice is your favorite, 2. your second favorite and so on). The teachers in charge of the groups then pick the students. First pick is students who already belonged to the groups before lookdown, second pick is then random and third pick is if there are still places left open in the group.
Since I was part of the swim team before and put it down as my first choice I would basically be guaranteed to get in. But now the results are out and I was placed in wrestling! I never even put that on my list at all, so I went to the teacher and asked whats going on. Turns out the teacher in charge of wrestling specifically requested me for whatever reason...
Turns out my dad knows the wrestling teacher quite well and asked for me to be placed on the team. I know my dad hates that I prefer swimming, he always says its not a real sport and that I should do some sport that actually gives me muscles. He constantly tells me I'm too skinny for a guy and has made several attempts to make me go to the gym to work out.
I asked the teachers if I can still switch teams but they say no. I also can not just avoid the wrestling club because afterschool activities are mandatory.
So last night I had a huge fight with my dad, I called him an ass for forcing me to go to wrestling and that I will just forfeit every single match I have to attend. He threatend me, saying if I do that he will take away all my electronics and I will only be allowed to leave the house for school and nothing else.
My mom says I should have the right to choose whatever sport I want, but now that I'm on the wrestling team I should still do my best. Also not to call my dad an ass...
But I don't want to participate in something I have zero interest in, was forced into even! Also I was really looking forward to swimming again and meeting my team mates...
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EDIT: Thanks so far for the support. Next week I will talk to more teachers, guidance teacher and also write to the principal. Guess I will also try to talk with my mom again and maybe convince her (also will mention what some people wrote that wrestling could potentially dangerous maybe that will convince her). Worst case I will go through with it and just put in zero effort, if no one listens to me.
EDIT2: So this has gotten a lot more responses than I thought. First of all, thanks to everyone supporting me. I talked to my mom again, without my dad nearby. She still thinks I should give wrestling a try but if I really want to change she will support me. So next week I will go and talk first to my swim coach and the wrestling coach and hopefully get it resolved, otherwise I will go further to the principal. I can post an update next week and tell you guys how things worked out.
Some of you suggested I should go to the newspaper or something, but I really do not feel comfortable blowing things up like that. Slandering the school is gonna backfire like 100%.
I have also gotten a lot of creative things instead of just throwing the match. I do would like to show my face in public sometime so no, I will ignore most of the really weird suggestions. Thanks I guess?
I also got a few question about the rule of afternoon activites being mandatory. So we have to do activities for 2 years total but we are free to choose when we do them during highschool. We can choose between a lot of club activities offered by the school not just sports but all kind of activities (music, art, reading / writing clubs, gardening or even game design). School club activities are always free and if you require financial assisstant for like an instrument or so, I think you can also get financial aid. But I don't really know the details. Additionally, if we attend a club or regular activity outside of school we can also get credits for that, just need work it out with the teachers. We also don't get grades or something, it is just noted on our final report. I also do not really know what happens if you don't complete them. |
0 | I am not from the US or any other English speaking country and this is more or less a throwaway.
So I am in my 20's and I recently bought an apartment in my countries capital city, the apartment is great. Way underpriced and compared to where I lived previously its a massive step up. Regardless I have been having one big issue since the moment I moved in here.
So after purchasing the apartment and having a good look at it I realized that my big balcony was directly next to my neighbors big balcony(I have got 2 Balconies, a tiny one and a big one.) , they are not attached bit essentially there is a small 50 CM gap between them, thats it. At first I figured this would not be an issue but from the moment I moved in it has been extremely bothersome.
My neighbors are practically living on their balcony and since they are both retired they are home pretty much 24/7. Whenever I think I have a moment to myself there I end up sitting down and within 30 minutes I suddenly get one of them engaging into conversation with me, this is usually while I am falling asleep I might add, I love sitting in late afternoon sun after a long day of work and having a nap with a glass of wine.
At first I assumed it was a one time thing but it has happened every single time, every single time I go out there and sit down one of these people joins me and starts sharing their life story and I was just so sick of it the final drop came when I was having a gathering with a bunch of friends and these people legitimately asked me why they weren't invited via the balcony. I decided to get a divider type thing, I never heard it existed before but apparently its a common problem as I found a bunch very quickly.
It arrived, I installed it and now there is a wall between the two of us, it's not big, thick or obnoxious it literally just hinders their sight to me and mine to them, it just divides the spaces and doesnt block their sun or some shit.
I figured it was fine but I have since had them over to complain that I am being "Kind of a bitch" for making it obvious that I dont want them around and they have been really rude to me whenever I run into them in the building since. |
0 | AITA for wanting my bf to cook after he invited more people than planned?
My (23F) boyfriend (25M) and I were supposed to host a dinner for us and another couple we met on vacation tomorrow. I’m supposed to be in charge of the cooking.
2 days ago, before going to work, my boyfriend tells me that he forgot to tell me that he invited our neighbors and their 3 children. I was kinda annoyed he didn’t asked me first but whatever, I said okay, next time,ask me if I’m okay with it first.
After coming home from work the same day, he tells me that he invited two of his colleagues and that they’ll come with their wives and kids. They have one kid each so that’ll make 2 more children.
I got upset when he told me this because 1. He invited 6 more people without asking me first, again, and 2. He told me that I needed to make a different dish for his colleagues’s kids because they won’t like what I’m planning to cook.
I told my boyfriend that he needed to be the one cooking because I didn’t want to anymore. He asks me why as I initially agreed to cook.
I said I initially agreed to cook for 4 people not 15. I added that it’ll be easier for him to cook for 15 people anyways because he has his whole afternoon free while I’d be working until 4pm.
My boyfriend doesn’t agree tho and thinks it’s unfair of me to have agreed to cook just to take it back last minute.
I said I’d be okay to help with the kids’ food once I come back from work but he needed to do the rest.
He doesn’t want to and even threatened to cancel the whole thing if I wasn’t cooking.
Am I the AH there? Should I be the one cooking still as I was supposed to cook from the beginning? Or is it only fair that he cooks for the additional 11 people he invited? |
0 | My teacher gives us exams to take at home, since there are some questions that is impossible for her to give during class, because we wouldn't have enough time to finish.
She encourages us to work together on the assignment and also use outside resources. So a group of students from my class and I decided to meet up and work together.
First off everyone was putting effort, but it slowly died down to only me working and them just staring off into space. And then once I would solve a certain problem and move to the next thats when they decided to actually try the question I was working on and then be very annoyed because they don't know how to do it. So I would spend 30 minutes explaining the answer and they wouldn't believe I was correct so would spend 30 minutes trying it themselves ... only to reach my answer.
Anyway that's not the issue, just something that annoyed me. The real issue comes when we reached a problem that was not in my strong suit. So despite me trying to solve it I was getting nowhere since I don't know much about that topic. And instead of anyone trying to think of something, attempting anything!! they were like oh if you cant do it then we cant either.
I proceeded to ask everyone in my class, and some people had solutions but they were incorrect. Everyone was super lost so our teacher gave an extension for that problem ( a week extension).
Therefore, I spent that entire week specially studying that certain type of problem. I reread, retook notes, watched youtube videos, read articles, everything! And then I finally solved it.
So I proceed to ask if anyone attempted the problem. No one responded. I proceeded to send them my answer. No one responded. I proceeded to ask if my problem looks right. No one responded. The only thing I got after hours of waiting was that they didn't even try the problem (exam is due tomorrow).
So I decided that if they didn't care about their grades, then why should I care about their grades? So I deleted the pdf I sent them with all my answers, and now they are freaking out. Asking where my answers are. I just told them that they should have the answers on their papers, and they said they never checked my paper in time so they didn't have time to copy it. I said they can try to attempt the problems on their own and if it looks somewhat logical, or on the right path, I would send them mine. They said it was too late to put in all that work and are begging me send it, calling me names and such.
I honestly dont care, I spent hours of my time trying to figure out that problem, and a simple oh that looks good, or wait maybe you made a mistake, would have done it for me. But to just ignore my messages and copy my work? no thx. My sister is kinda making me feel bad about it though, bc the teacher encourages people to work together, so I just want to check if I am being assholish. |
0 | In this I am aware that talking about her was not the right way to go about it, but I want external opinions.
My stepmom (53f) and my dad (50m) got married just under two years after my mom died. They have now been together for about five years. I (16) have a sister (13f) from my dads marriage to my mom, and my stepmom has three kids, one of which is young enough to still live at home.
Me and my sister are very close, and talk about a lot of things. One of those things is my stepmom. She treats me and my sister very differently to her own children. As a family, we have a lot of problems with talking at mealtimes. I am quite introverted and awkward, especially when I feel uncomfortable in a situation or around a person. This causes me to talk less around my stepmom, for which I am often told off. I am also told off if I do, but am told off for saying the wrong thing or stared at or ignored. This makes me feel as though I am disliked, or as a sort of lower class.
I often vent about this to my sister, and she has often said she feels the same way, but I recently found out that she only says these things because she thinks I want to hear them. I had no idea that that was how she felt, and I feel terrible. I’m worried that I am the only problem, or the whole problem, within my family.
Aita?
(This is kinda rambly lol) |
0 | Myself and my boyfriend (27M & 29M) have been invited to the wedding of my friends (both 30M). When they told us about the venue, they said it was out of their budget to have a weekend wedding there, but since it's their dream venue, they are getting married on a Wednesday to save money. We are also invited to stay at the venue with a few close friends a day either side of the wedding.
We received the RSVP a week ago, advising that if we wanted to stay for the whole thing (three nights) we would be charged £400 for food, drink and accommodation (the wedding day food is free). It's an expensive area, so I don't mind contributing, but to me this is higher than I would expect considering the food on offer is very basic. It also doesn't make sense for us to just come for the day, since it's a nine hour trip and we would have to arrange our own more expensive accommodation away from the venue.
I have researched transport options, since we do not have access to a car, and the cheapest return train journey is £350 and takes nine hours from our house to the venue. A coach is cheaper, but I am prone to car sickness so it's not an option. We would also be paying around £50 in taxi fees on both ends, bringing the total cost of this wedding to £850. A lot of our friends are looking at similar costs, with one couple looking at a bill of close to £1,000.
Since the RSVP said to reach out if costs were an issue, I texted one of the grooms-to-be explaining that we are struggling to make this work. He said he was looking into paying for taxis from the local train station since a lot of guests are coming by public transport. Obviously that's kind of him to offer, but for us it's a tiny fraction of the bill and doesn't change much.
I don't want to offend the grooms since we have been friends for a very long time, but my boyfriend and I really can't make ends meet here. We are already travelling for the stag party a few weeks before the wedding, so we would still be able to spend some time with the grooms. But WIBTA if I RSVPed no to their big day due to the affordability? |
0 | So I live in an apartment with two roommates, and all three of us share one bathroom. This has never been a problem because we all function on very different schedules and we’re good about communicating when we want to shower/get ready in there. The problem arose with one of my roommates and her bath towels.
Our bathroom is very small and only has exactly three hooks to hang up towels. Two of these hooks are over the bathroom door, and one is next to the bath tub. I am a pretty big germophobe and have OCD, and the one thing I cannot stand is the idea of someone using or touching my bath towel. The thought of the dead skins cells and germs makes my skin crawl and if someone does touch or use my towel I have to wash it before I can even consider using it again. I explained this to my roommates when we moved in, and because of that I took the hook next to the bathtub.
Recently, my roommate has decided she can start hanging her wet bath towels on my hook, on top of my dry towels. At first I was baffled as to why she would even do this, before I realized she had started keeping her bathrobe in the bathroom, and that was taking up more space on her hook. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and just assumed she either did it by accident or wasn’t thinking, and did my best to hang her towels back up on her side, even with the added bulk.
A few days later, her towels were back on my hook. After the second incident, I decided to confront her about it and ask her to stop. She was immediately defensive and told me it wasn’t a big deal because I only had two towels on my hook and there was plenty of space for hers. I then had to explain to her again that every time her wet towels touched mine, I had to wash them because of my OCD. I also hang the rag I use to wash my face on that hook, and if her used towel touching it wasn’t gross enough, it also made the rag damp and unusable. She told me she thought I was being dramatic, but she said she would stop using my hook.
Now to today. I walk into the bathroom, and her wet towels are on my hook again. At this point I was just pissed, because she obviously wasn’t taking my OCD seriously and didn’t care that her wet towels were inconveniencing me every time she took a shower. I’m not quite sure what possessed me, but I took her wet towels off my hook and threw them onto her bedroom floor. They were not soaking or anything, but definitely still damp. When she finally got home and found them, she started going off on me and telling me what a childish thing it was to do. She also claimed that the wet towels sitting on the floor that long made her room smell musty and now she would have to wash them.
My other roommate said it was kind of childish and I should’ve talked to her again before I did that, but I didn’t know what else I could’ve said that wasn’t covered in our first conversation. I just can’t keep washing my towels every time she showers, but I also refuse to give up my hook. AITA?
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0 | For context, I (24M) was at a family gathering yesterday, and we were talking about the future when the topic of marriage came up. I see myself getting married sometime in the next five years, but my sister (30) and mother (51) disagree. It started when the three of us were in the kitchen with a civil discussion, but somehow it ended up in them both attacking my character and personality. They both ended up saying something along the lines of me not being man enough, along with a lot of hurtful things.
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From their POV, I'm not mature enough to be a good husband. In my POV, I have my own car, my own apartment, and in a couple of moths, I'll graduate as an engineer. They have no right to say these things to me. And it's not like I have a history of being reckless, I don't drink or do drugs whatsoever.
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What broke the camel's back is when my mother said "You'll get married, but you'll end up divorced in a couple of months and your child is going to grow up in two homes." Then I told them "I promise that I will never in my life talk to you about this ever again" and then I stormed off, and the whole family saw me angerly walking out the door.
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I didn't slam any doors, I didn't shout at anyone. Granted I did raise my voice a bit at them with my last words. The thing is that they both took it as me saying that I will not invite them to any future wedding because I promised that I will never discuss my future plans regarding marriage. They think that because I am known to hold grudges, and keep my promises.
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They are upset at me because I raised my voice at them, and because me leaving angerly and leaving early means that I'm figuratively turning my back at my family.
I am upset because they disrespected me and were basically talking as if they know the future.
The rest of the family is upset at the three of us because we ruined the family gathering.
So reddit, AITAH? |
0 | I (20F) live with two out of four of my bandmates (all 20M) in a two bedroom apartment (making them also my roommates). I am currently in a relationship with our lead singer/guitarist and we share a bedroom. Me, him and our bassist are all close and have spent about a year and half seeing and working with each other almost everyday. About 4 months ago we said goodbye to our old drummer (27M) who we had played with together for a year and welcomed a new drummer (19M) shortly after.
The drummer is the only band member who doesn't live with us, as we only met him about 4 months ago - he shares a house about 3 miles away with his friends. He drives and can meet up with us easily whenever we need him to so it's no problem. We have a group chat between the four of us so we can plan rehearsals, gigs and meetings.
Last week my roommates wanted to wrap some freebies to give out as band promotion and our bassist invited our drummer over to help us wrap them so he didn't feel left out. He invited him on a private chat outside of our band chat so me and our lead singer/guitarist were unaware that he would be coming to our apartment. The morning of we looked outside and decided against doing the freebie giveaway outside due to poor weather, however since me and our lead singer/guitarist didn't know our drummer was told to come he still arrives anyway. This was okay - but I expressed that all plan communication should be put in the group chat.
When our drummer came, we sat wrapping up the freebies. My roommates both had a lecture and decided to leave me and the drummer to finish up the rest of them before I had to head off to my own about an hour later. Our bassist said clearly to me and the drummer that he would be back before I left for my lecture.
After my roommates left it was just me and the drummer, and a lot quieter. I had music on so it wasn't awkward and we were still finishing up on the wrapping, me and him are not as close as he is to my roommates so we didn't talk much. The drummer expressed that he had written in to miss uni lectures to join us today and was not told that we wouldn't be going out. He told me it was okay though and we finished up wrapping quite soon. We waited a while for our bassist to come back and with no sign of him 5 minutes before my lecture I decided to head to my lecture, lock the apartment up take our drummer down to our lobby to wait for the bassist as the drummer mentioned they would be going straight out to put up posters around the city. I didn't think our bassist would be much longer since he told us he would be back before I left and they would be heading straight out anyway so I thought this would be no issue. Plus - our lobby is very nice !
Once my roommates found out they were livid and told me that I was being rude and unwelcoming to him by not letting him just wait in our apartment. Our drummer had messaged them privately from the lobby saying 'she's locked me out'. Was ITAH ?
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0 | when my ex (19f) and I (21f) were together, I bought her a new iPhone 15 Pro as a little surprise for her because she was complaining about her old iPhone crapping out on her. I put it under MY name on my credit card and offered to pay it monthly for her since I was in a pretty good financial situation at the time and was able to afford it, meaning technically, the phone is mine. we unfortunately ended up breaking up shortly after because she just was not a good partner to me in the absolute slightest, and naturally, I stopped paying for the phone. I had told her multiple times that she needed to start paying for it because I wasn't going to anymore now that we're broken up and I'm not going to pay for a phone I'm not in possession of. I told her at least THREE different times that she needs to start paying for it. I gave her the account info and everything so she could put it under her name and start paying for it, and I assumed that she had started to because I stopped getting emails from Verizon that the bill was super late, since I was getting them literally every day about the bill being overdue. my credit card also wasn't getting charged, which was a good indicator that maybe she was paying for it. because of that, I let it go for a few months. keep in mind btw, she works a full-time job and still lives with her parents, so I don't see how she couldn't pay for it.
well, things took a major turn when I got a letter from Verizon yesterday in my mailbox that the phone bill was 2 months overdue, and I owed - get ready - $1,033.88. I was PISSED, and so I called up a debt collector who offered to help me pay for it by splitting it up into four separate payments over the course of four weeks instead of a one-time payment of $1,033.88 since I told the debt collector I'm not in a good financial situation right now to pay it, and because the phone stopped being my responsibility after we broke up. I paid the first payment mainly because I was forced to, and so I told my ex that if she's not going to pay for her phone, I want the phone back. she surprisingly agreed to give it back to me and said she'll drop it off in my mailbox in a couple days, and I have evidence in WRITING that she said she's going to, so she can't try to pull any petty shit like she did in our relationship. A part of me feels really guilty for asking for it back. while the phone is under my name still and I technically have to take ownership of it, I feel like an asshole because that's probably the only phone she has and while I strongly dislike her, I don't want her to have to go without a phone if she's not able to buy a new one but tbh her new bf will probably buy her a new one lol (probably, but I don't know.) AITA for asking my ex for my phone back?
tl;dr: I bought my ex a phone under my name while we together, told her to start paying for it on 3 separate occasions after we broke up (I gave her the account info and everything, so she definitely knew how to), she didn't start paying for it, so I asked for the phone back.
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0 | Edit: I just realized something: the word "told" has a very demanding tone if compared to its literal translation in my language. The right word would be "Asked".
Sorry for the grammar mistakes, English is not my first language.
I (38M) have been with my wife (32M) for over 12 years. She finished medical school in 2022 and that's when we got married.
The problem is: she went to college in a city about four hours away from where her parents and I lived, and it was bad, to say the least.
My wife suffers from clinical depression and BPD. So being away from her family and I was really hard, she had a lot of critical periods in which we had to travel over there to be with her. I can't even begin to describe how bad it was, because the post would be removed.
Anyway, now she is thinking of doing residency and I'm all up for it, but the problem is that the best institution for her to do that is in another far away city, again four hours away from her family and I.
I wouldn't have a problem with this, except that I'm afraid that she ends up suffering as much as she did in college, or even worse, because the pressure would be even bigger.
So I want to tell her to do it somewhere closer, so we would be around to support her, but I don't want to give the impression that I'm telling her to do her residency in a not as good place just because I don't want her away from me.
Important to say: there are good nearby places for her to study, but the one far away is the best.
So, WIBTA if I told her to do her residency in our city, or a neighboring one, so she could be near her support network? |
0 | ok so basically, i'm in college and there are four people in my dorm. our layout is a dorm room, then a common room (with a basket of snacks to share, then another dorm room. my issue is with my direct roomate, let's call her maria. since the beginning of the year, I have been buying snacks with my own money and putting some in our basket to share and some for just myself. the reason for me keeping my own snacks to myself is that whenever I put snacks that I really like in the common basket they are gone within days and I don't ever get to enjoy them or even eat them sometimes.
for some reason, this really pisses off maria, and I don't understand why. it's not as if I never share my snacks with the rest of my roomates, i do it pretty frequently, more than her.
one of my other roommates, let's call her star, has told me multiple times that maria has come to her complaining about how I keep snacks to myself and don't share with her. this really makes me upset because she rarely asks for my snacks and talks shit about me instead of just asking for them . if she would ask, I would gladly share some with her. she has asked in the past, and I have given them to her happily and with a good attitude.
is it some courtesy thing I'm missing? am I supposed to be offering my snacks to her 24/7?
three times this semester (which is only 3 weeks in) have I spent my own money and put snacks for us to share in the common basket. somehow, this goes underappreciated, and instead she talks behind my back about how I don't share. these were snacks that I enjoy as well, not my "scraps" or snacks I don't want anymore.
most recently, I bought 4 boxes of girl scout cookies, two for myself, and two to share (which I think is generous, especially considering the shipping was expensive). I tried to listen to her concerns (which I heard from star, not from maria herself) by buying boxes for us to share, as well as some for myself. it seemed like a good balance. apparently not. today I found out that maria complained to star AGAIN, that I kept the good girl scout cookie flavors to myself and only put the bad ones to share. this really hurts me because I was trying to stop being so possessive with my food and share more, but it still doesn't please her. if she is not going to ask, how am I supposed to know she wants them or is upset that I won't give some to her?
I do admit that I can be a possessive with my food, but this is because I grew up in a household where I would ask my mom to specifically buy things for me and then everyone would eat them and I would never get the chance to enjoy the things I liked. my parents were buying the groceries, so obviously i had no leg to stand on, but now that I'm paying for things myself, I don't think my point of view is as dismissable.
also, it's my own MONEY!!!!!!! that I feel I can do whatever the hell I want with.
am I being rude? is this uncourteous? am I the asshole?
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0 | Four years ago my husband got a job that took us (family of 4) away from our home state. We now live relatively far away from my husband’s family (over 24 hours by car, so plane travel required). The move put us closer to my parents, whom we see fairly regularly.
In the four years since we’ve moved we’ve made sure to see my MIL regularly. We’ve paid for a flight at least once a year for her to come to us, she’s come a few times on her own and we’ve raveled to her a couple of times. Overall we’ve seen her an average of 3 times a year since moving. We’ve only seen my FIL (divorced from MIL) a couple of times, but we’re pretty LC with him for various reasons.
My SIL is the harder one to see. We flew my SIL and niece to see us once, contributed to their part of a larger out of state (for everyone) extended family vacation to make sure they could come, and have flown to see them once. They have never come to see us on their own. I’d say we’ve averaged seeing them around every 18 months, and have a plan on the books that will continue that trend.
Now, traveling is a huge passion for us. We aren’t wealthy by any means, but we prioritize traveling over other luxuries, so we take an average of 3 family trips a year plus a couple of weekend things. Most of our traveling has been within driving distance, utilizes free/discounted lodging and activities, and is often combined with required work travel. We have done some fun things on a relatively small budget.
We have learned that the SIL has been badmouthing us, saying that we don’t want to see them, don’t love them enough to visit more often, don’t care about the family, etc. Worst is that they’ve turned our niece on us and our children so she thinks her cousins don’t care about her. They are upset that we would spend the time/money to go to other locations instead of going to see them more often. Traveling to them means flights, rental cars, hotels - a lot of things we don’t usually have to pay for in other traveling we do. A trip to see them would cost more than 2-3 of our other trips combined, wiping our budget and no longer allowing us to do anything else. I also think it is unfair that we should be expected to always pay to see them when they have never once even tried to come see us. While I understand financially we are doing a bit better than they are, they could prioritize traveling to us if they wanted to (instead of a sports car and brand name clothing).
We have made future plans to see them because I do value that relationship, but feel that if they want more visits they could also find a way to come see us. But I now feel guilty anytime we plan to travel anywhere but ‘home.’ (For info, since it is my husband’s family - he feels the same way, if not even stronger, that I do) |
0 | My (f27) brother (m34) and his fiancee (f31) are getting married soon. My husband and I got our invitation, all fine
However, this is the problem I am having with them. I'm not a bridesmaid/ in the bridal party because I have a baby and as she's very young (four months now) and I was either pregnant/ with a newborn during most of the wedding planning it was for the best. So I'm just a regular guest as everyone else right?
Well, my brother and his fiancee came over a few days after they sent the invitations because they wanted to talk to me. My FSIL basically told me she has gotten a dress for me and she'll love for me to wear it for their wedding. I was kind of like "Okay, thanks...? But why?" You know?
At first she didn't want to tell me why they've chosen a dress for me but finally she told me that I tend to "draw too much attention to me". Last year our other brother got married and my FSIL thinks that she doesn't want to risk having me show up similarly to their wedding. Btw, I wasn't wearing an inappropriate dress or white, anything like that, I was wearing a normal formal dress.
I was very confused by this and I asked what she meant, because as I said I know how to dress up for a wedding. I reassured her she shouldn't worry about being "outshined" because for starters it's her wedding day and everyone will be paying attention to the bride and groom. And secondly, I won't wear an inappropriate dress with like too much cleavage or something (her family is rather conservative, so I thought maybe she was more "scared" of her family's reactions")
We discussed this for a while and she told me that the problem is my weight, she's a little overweight and I'm not (always had problems gaining weight, even while pregnant) so she feels insecure and that's why she wants me to wear a dress that would cover me completely. This is where I think I might be the asshole, I told her that her insecurities were not my problem and that it was weird to ask me to wear a certain dress just because I'm skinnier than her. She told me that she knew I'd have this reaction because supposedly I always want to be the focus of attention. She also said that my life has always been easier and it's not fair that I want to "steal" her wedding day as well. I asked her if she was doing this with every other woman who was skinnier attending the wedding and she said no, so I told her that's a shitty move.
We argued and then my husband and brother got in between us too so they argued as well and finally we kicked them out, but not before I told them to enjoy their damn day because I wasn't attending the wedding, for which they accused me of being a drama queen and wanting to embarrass them by not going.
Well, I'm more calm this and this has caused quite a fight in our family as well. I admit that I was so tired and stressed that day because my baby had been sick all the prior day/ night. So idk, do you think I exaggerated here? Or were they truly rude to ask me something like this? |
0 | I (19M) have a younger brother (16M), but we haven't spoken in four years. While we were once close, he decided to stop communicating with me one day. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, he didn't reciprocate, so I stopped trying.
My parents want me to attend his basketball game, but I've politely declined. I've come to terms with our lack of communication and don't foresee it changing. However, I remain cordial when necessary. Although my parents keeps trying to force me to show support regardless of our relationship and keeps trying to guilt trip me by saying since I’m the oldest I should forgive and forget, even though I’ve completely moved on from that, I don't feel obligated to support someone who doesn't reciprocate. While I've moved on and harbor no grudges, I don't believe I should be forced into supporting him. He couldn’t even say “thank you” to me when I gave him a birthday present (after my parents kept guilt tripping me). So, am I in the wrong for not attending his game? |
0 | So me, my wife and my son, who is a baby, were planning to go see my mom in a city three hours away. My mom has a four bedroom house and only my younger sister and college friend lives there. We also have a 1 year old dog who is calm and house trained but is also a puppy still.
My mom is not a non dog or animal person. Growing up, we had 3 dogs at different times and a cat. We didn't ever keep them because of busy schedules and not wanting to leave the animals alone all day.
Will we were making plans to go see her, she said that she didn't want a dog in her house. I honestly was a bit annoyed because we were only going to be there 2 days and I thought my mom could accommodate us. Nevertheless, it's her house.
We planned to stay at a friend's house who has an airbnb. That is about 10 minutes from my mom's house. And yes we did have to pay for the airbnb which is totally fine.
So two days before we were planning to leave the friend whose house we were going to stay at tells us that she was sick with the flu, we decided that it wasn't going to be good for us to stay because we didn't want to risk getting sick because after our trip to visit my mom we were going on a 2 week roadtrip.
I explain this to my mom and double check to make sure that we still could not come there with the dog. And she doubled down and said no because she didn't want to be annoyed in her own house.
I got upset because I really feel that it's unreasonable not to make this accommodation for your family for 2 days.
Essentially she rather us not visit her than bring a dog.
I didn't board because we were going on roadtrip after, and boarding for 2 weeks is expensive.
We didn't want to pay more for another airbnb so we decided not to go and just go on our road trip earlier.
Aita? |
0 | I (25M) and my girlfriend (24F) are both in the advanced (doctorate degree) healthcare field. Suffice it to say, we know what we’re talking about when it comes to health. We are in different careers, and my career requires a lot of constant working without meal breaks. After doing this for over 6 years, my body has become accustomed to eating just a single meal each day, but it’s a much larger meal than mosts to ensure I get all my macros and calories for the day.
I am a relatively fit guy, always did sports in high school but have maintained a fairly good physique throughout grad school and working. I don’t cook very often, when I do it’s simple stuff, which means a lot of fast food. However, I am mindful about what I get and it’s more or less a symptom of my current living arrangements (set to change in April).
A few years ago, my dad passed away and it was really hard on me. I ended up starting an antidepressant to help with the grief, but I gained a lot of weight while on it - 40 pounds in mere months. This was a wake up call as I’ve never really had a noticeable gut before. I stopped the medication, started eating better, and going to the gym. I got to a place where I was happy with myself again. My diet stayed improved, but I’ve never particularly liked the gym so I stopped going.
My girlfriend has said that she noticed that I lost some of my bulk and I’m not as toned as I was at the peak of working out. I still don’t have a gut and have good definition still, but she hounds me that I need to go to the gym and eat better. We’ve had this fight countless times. My diet is restricted by current circumstances that are soon to change, and I don’t feel the need to go to the gym. I get my annual physical and bloodwork, all of my values are perfectly in range. On paper, I’m the spitting image of health. It’s still not good enough and she still brings up the same fight. I tell her that she can’t force me to do something I’m unwilling to do, but it doesn’t stop her. It’s gotten to the point that I want to break up because she tries to be too overbearing.
Over the past month or so, I’ve started going to the gym when she’s not around. Moderate to high intensity for 60-90 minutes four times a week. But I don’t tell her because I want to prove a point that she can’t notice a difference when I go to the gym versus when I don’t. In addition, I don’t want her to think I’m going to the gym for her and then she thinks she can bully me into doing whatever she thinks I should do. She started the fight again today and I’m close to losing it. Before I do, am I the asshole?
NOTE: I understand and appreciate that she just wants me to be healthy and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me, but when all of the objective evidence points to me being perfectly healthy, should she still be pushing this? |
0 | I am a seventeen year old male, currently on half term break from school. During school weeks, I stay with my Grandma as her house is nearer than my family home to where I go. During weekends, I go back to the family home, where I stay with my sisters (our parents are abroad for the next two years due to work). Every weekend I come home, my siblings show almost no initiative to have food that I'd eat or cook during the two days I am back at our place. This results in me basically scavenging inside the snack cupboards for basically anything I can find (even if it is meant for them) and then they have a go at me for not eating my own things; even though I give them the same list every week of what I'd like during the two days I am home when they get groceries. I would go myself but I don't drive.
Today, I was working on a project I was given to complete over my one week vacation. My sister told me to vaccum and I said I would once I finished research for the presentation, tidied my room and brought my laundry downstairs to stick in the washing machine. When I came out of my room, I saw she took dust that gathers in one of our rugs and shook it off in front of my door and in the hallway and she said to me I wasn't allowed downstairs to wash my clothes until I hoovered the floor due to me being in my room all day doing the other things I mentioned previously. I said to her she did not have to shake the rug off right outside my door and she was just making extra clear up for me. I then went downstairs where my other sister and her fiance were. They told me that it wasn't that deep and I should've hoovered first thing. I said that I wont fit my schedule around them if they can't even be bothered to pick up three or four things for me when they buy groceries. And I especially won't go out of my way to clean up for people when they deliberately created extra mess for me to deal with. Aita? |
0 | So I (22F) have recently started my own business (like in the last four months or so). Obviously it's a business startup so it's pretty slow going, but i've had interest and reliably have between 1 and 4 clients at any given time. It's not quite enough to support me fully yet as I live in a pretty high cost of living city in North America, but as things start rolling I have hope i'll be fully self sufficient in 6 months. I have a ton of community support in the industry i've started my business in, and honestly everyone's been super wonderful and lovely.
My partner (28M) works a 9-5 for a good company, has a good job, solid savings, owns his own place, you name it. He's a *responsible adult* in the most traditional way. He's super intelligent and has worked very hard for what he has.
However, in the last few weeks as things have really ramped up for me and i've been head down working some truly insane days trying to get my business off the ground. I'm not a morning person at all, so I wake up around 10am and usually work until around 12am. I take a break from working to eat, obviously, and i take a couple hours in the evening to greet him when he's home from work and have dinner with him and everything. We share chores pretty evenly, which I find the time to do during the day when I want a break from the screen. I always ask him how his day was and what happened and how he's feeling as i genuinely take an interest in his work life.
I can't remember the last time he did the same for me. I don't think he's ever asked me how my workday was, and if i bring anything up, he brushes me off with a "yeah ok". If i complain about an annoying client he says "well, you decided to start your own business, that's what you get". It just really feels like he absolutely couldn't give less of a shit about my business, despite me talking about how much i love it like 90% of the time.
I had an anxiety attack about finances about a month ago that was pretty heavy as i had some debts get dropped on me that I wasn't expecting, and had a moment of panic before I entered into planning mode. His only response was "Just get a real job in the meantime," despite him already complaining enough that I don't spend enough time with him. I spend almost the entire day with him on weekends (barring like 1-2 hours to do email stuff right in the morning) and i don't check my phone or anything like that while we do activities and go on dates on the weekend.
With the amount of support i'm getting from the community ramping up as i'm starting to scale my business, I can't help but distinctly be aware of the lack of support coming from my partner. I brought this up the other day and he just told me I was being ungrateful and that he "had a real, high stress job to worry about." So, AITA for asking for a little support? |
0 | My mom strongly prefers order, and as a result, I often find myself suppressing my emotions and complying with her requests.
Our dining table only seats four people, and I am usually relegated to doing my work in my chair because my dad uses my room to do his own work.
The other day, I had an essay due and was in a rush to finish it.
Unfortunately, the closest chair to the charging outlet belonged to my dad, so I moved to his spot in order to charge my computer.
My mom noticed and demanded that I move back to my own chair.
I refused, and this disagreement escalated until I was overwhelmed by my emotions and ended up screaming and crying. My mom took my laptop and threatened to throw it away.
The next day, I had to explain to my teacher what had happened and was given an extra day to complete my essay and a note for my mom to return my laptop.
I gave the note to my mom, and she frowned and called me an A\*\*hole for telling her off like that. (She did give me my computer back)
So, am I the AITA? |
0 | My cousin is four years younger than me. We grew up close because I looked after her a lot.
My parents were poor, and I was subject to a significant lack of supervision and boundaries. I was allowed to watch horror movies and things like that, not to speak ill of my parents, but they were young and had limited parenting skills. Anytime I wanted something we could never afford it, but we did have enough to eat and the basics.
My cousin's parents were both older, not rich but securely middle-upper middle class, and they doted on her. She was given every advantage (better food, trips, music and dance lessons, etc) and her parents were very involved and protective. I was asked to babysit quite often and even my father said I shouldn't feel obligated because it was like I was a servant, but I loved her family (still do, very much) and I wanted to spend time with her.
The problem was that when she was maybe like ages 6-10, she would constantly ask me questions about inappropriate things, and even though I might get in trouble for telling her, she would guilt me by saying that she was embarrassed that all her classmates knew except her, and also my brain just really couldn't compute the whole sheltered upbringing thing.
It wasn't until we were adults that I found out that she blames me for disturbing her development.
This surprised me because she has the exact same issues as several others on her side of the family, where they struggle with dating and lack interest in that department, but then she got married so now I'm doubly confused.
I know I did something really wrong by telling her what certain terms meant and etc, but I also think it is out of hand to expect a perfect life, so it's hard to think of apologizing without feeling resentful.
I feel a lot of guilt because she basically cut me off and doesn't want a relationship with me, even though it has been nearly 30 years. It's uncomfortable for me at family gatherings because everyone loves and dotes on her, and they all seem to get on really well, but she speaks to me very condescendingly (which is either unnoticed or minimized).
Am I the asshole? Should I attempt to mend this rift? I never really responded to her accusations because it was Christmas and also I didn't know what to say. I still don't many years later. |
0 | I am a woman (27 years old), living with my fiancé Kevin (30 years old). I want to start by acknowledging that English is not my native language, so there might be mistakes, and I apologize in advance.
I've always had challenging relationships with my mom. There have been many instances where we couldn't see eye to eye, but I've always strived to maintain a good relationship with her. She raised me alone; my father left when I was 12. I am truly grateful to her for that, but life with her has always been difficult.
Now, I want to address the current situation. Kevin and I have been together for 5 years, and we're planning to get married in May. We have a very strong and happy relationship.
Unfortunately, my mom has always had challenges in her personal life. She really wants to find what she calls "a real man who will provide for her financially and love her just as she is." Four months ago, she met a man named Steve, with whom she had only 2 dates. He said he was in the military and had to go on a mission, promising to get in touch when he returned. However, he disappeared and stopped responding. My mom believes she has finally found her destiny.
She has always been interested in Tarot cards and believed in psychics. Now she's been visiting various psychics hoping they'll reveal her future. Recently, she visited a psychic where she inquired about my relationship. The psychic said that I'm unhappy in my relationship. She also mentioned that I am the one who submits in these relationships, but a few minutes later, she described Kevin as a big child, and me as the one who raises him. My mom has been repeating all this time: "Yes, I knew it. You're right."
You might wonder how I found out. Well, she sent me an audio recording, urging me to listen to what they said about her beloved Steve. The recording was 40 minutes long, and the last 8 minutes were about me. Moreover, she told the psychic that she tried to break up our relationship but couldn't. I don't understand why she sent me this audio recording. Did she think I wouldn't listen to it until the end? Or did she want me to hear it? When I called her, she denied everything at first, then said I misunderstood. And then she said she believes I don't understand what love and healthy relationships entail. She also mentioned that Steve has shown her what love is, so she believes that Kevin and I are just good friends and don't truly love each other. I want to minimize communication with her because it's difficult for me to communicate with her, and she wants to break up the relationships in which I am very happy. But at the same time, I feel a sense of guilt because she is lonely, she has no friends and relationships. |
0 | I'm (16M) the second oldest of four. My older sister (18) has down syndrome and is medically complex, with complex needs. She also has food allergies. My younger sister (13) has a host of food allergies and some of them are very serious and she's also on the spectrum. Then we have my younger brother (11) and he has a lot of medical issues related to food and allergies that go along with it. We always try to make sure places are accessible for them. Especially because my older sister is in a wheelchair.
This does mean I can be overlooked. It does mean making sacrifices or accepting that things will never be as far as it would be for a kid in a family with less extra/special needs. I'm used to not getting my favorite dishes and I'm used to not getting my top pick for vacations because my parents don't think it's accessible enough or autism friendly enough. I'm used to my siblings never getting turned down for that stuff. After a while it became something I expected. I was lucky that my maternal grandparents tried to make up for it when they could and my best friends family would also include me in their family for stuff like meals out.
My favorite restaurant in our city is this Indian place. My favorite dish is their samosas. I never get to eat there with my parents and siblings and we never get takeout from there because it's not deemed safe for all my siblings. Sometimes that stinks, especially when my parents proclaim they always get their kids favorite food from their favorite restaurant for their birthdays each year.
This year my parents made a big deal over me turning 16 and they told me to pick my favorite place for us to have a family dinner for my birthday. A family dinner that included extended family. I told them my favorite place and they told me that wouldn't work. I asked if they wanted my favorite place or a place catered to my siblings. They asked me if I didn't want to cater to my siblings and I said no. They asked where did I want to go, I said the Indian place. They gave me one of those looks and said they would give me more time to think. A couple of weeks after they asked me where I wanted to eat for my birthday and I told them my answer had not changed. They asked me if I could really enjoy my birthday knowing it wasn't accessible and safe for my siblings to eat there and I said yes, since it's meant to be my birthday and they wanted me to say my favorite restaurant. They told me they would book "the family favorite" and went ahead and did that. The "family favorite" has nothing I actually like, I just tolerate it. They had everything planned, invited everyone and when the evening came for the dinner I just didn't go. My parents are furious with me. I had everything taken for a week and they plan to continue the punishment in some way. My grandparents defended me but my parents said I was rude.
AITA? |
0 | So I, 23F, have a daughter, 2F, that I coparent with her dad, 23M. We’ve had problems since I got pregnant with my daughter and they haven’t seem to let up. The most recent problem is that he has a new girlfriend. It’s not the girlfriend that’s the problem though, it’s that I was forced to meet her. My kids dad texted me one day asking if I wanted to meet his gf, and my response was that I didn’t want to meet her until she met our daughter. His response was ‘so not any time soon’. I responded saying that was up to him. Fast forward to later on that day when it’s time to switch off with our daughter, and he texts me four minutes before he gets to my house to tell me that he’s on the way and bringing his gf. Now, I was asleep when he sent the texts so I didn’t see them. He calls me when he’s down the street from my house and tells me that he brought his gf. I’m disoriented from being woken up so I just say okay. He gets to my house and then proceeds to bring his gf inside my house. I didn’t say anything to either one of them, nor did I try to introduce myself to the gf. He got our daughter and left. I texted him after he left and told him it was disrespectful for him to do that without making sure I was comfortable and okay with it beforehand. He responds and says that he doesn’t see an issue with it and he was just giving me the opportunity to meet his gf. I go on to tell him how it’s disrespectful and how I feel. I just want to know if I overreacted to the situation.
Edit: I’d like to add that they’ve only been together for maybe two weeks and he’s only just met her right before they got together. Also, he had a prior gf that he also has a child with that he was with since a month before my daughter was born. He did the same thing with that gf, and even tried having her at the hospital right after my daughter was born. My frustration comes from the fact that we’ve went through this before and I’ve communicated multiple times about my boundaries and what’s acceptable to me. |
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Description
This dataset was developed as part of a project for CS5246, taken in AY23/24 S2 at the National University of Singapore. My group and I intially processed the data from Reddit, turned it into a binary classification task, and addressed dataset imbalance by sourcing extra samples from a publicly available dataset here.
Breakdown
The training set consists of 10,872 samples, which are balanced between 5,134 samples labelled as 'not morally wrong' and 5,738 labelled as 'morally wrong'. Conversely, the testing set includes a total of 6,000 samples, distributed between 5,000 'not morally wrong' and 1,000 'morally wrong' samples.
Group Members:
- Kiat Hui Khang @hkkiat
- Lee Ming Xuan @lmngxn
- Jean Ong Hui Fang @jeanong2
- Venessa Tan @vennietweek
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Size of downloaded dataset files:
35.9 MB
Size of the auto-converted Parquet files:
21.7 MB
Number of rows:
16,872
Models trained or fine-tuned on jeanong2/AITA-datasets