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2000_914317.txt

Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye!

Emotions: Frustration

Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye!

Emotions

Frustration

2000_890770.txt

I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine.

Emotions: Sadness

I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine.

Emotions

Sadness

2000_871605.txt

I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy.

Emotions: Satisfaction

I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy.

Emotions

Satisfaction

2004_404.txt

I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called "A Tribute to Jack Johnson". The first song "Right Off" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody. . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh? Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were "Metallica and Linkin Park". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note: it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up? That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. "new" meaning "previously unknown" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up.

Emotions: Joy

I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called "A Tribute to Jack Johnson". The first song "Right Off" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody. . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh? Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were "Metallica and Linkin Park". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note: it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up? That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. "new" meaning "previously unknown" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up.

Emotions

Joy

2002_805223.txt

cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else

Emotions: Frustration

cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else

Emotions

Frustration

2000_966826.txt

It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.

Social Awareness: Self-awareness

It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.

Social Awareness

Self-awareness

2000_966826.txt

It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.

Emotions: Compassion

It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.

Emotions

Compassion

2002_972407.txt

My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her! The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy! My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting! I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing.

Thinking styles: Reflective

My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her! The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy! My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting! I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing.

Thinking styles

Reflective

2000_657578.txt

I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up.

Emotions: Worry

I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up.

Emotions

Worry

2000_550042.txt

So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my "interesting" train of thought.

Thinking styles: External Thinking

So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my "interesting" train of thought.

Thinking styles

External Thinking

1997_835717.txt

it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination.

Thinking styles: Rational

it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination.

Thinking styles

Rational

2004_249.txt

It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button.

Emotions: Frustration

It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button.

Emotions

Frustration

1997_262585.txt

I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

Emotions: Introversion

I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

Emotions

Introversion

2000_952391.txt

I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself "wow, this will be fun". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, "man, SHE's late". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, "man. it's too early in the year to be starting this". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule "never talk to strangers?" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good.

Emotions: Happiness

I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself "wow, this will be fun". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, "man, SHE's late". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, "man. it's too early in the year to be starting this". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule "never talk to strangers?" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good.

Emotions

Happiness

1997_518093.txt

So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,"Hey I don't feel very good can we please stop. " And your mind says "I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical analysis or something? No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a "nice guy" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. , It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air.

Emotions: Tiredness

So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,"Hey I don't feel very good can we please stop. " And your mind says "I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical analysis or something? No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a "nice guy" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. , It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air.

Emotions

Tiredness

2000_914317.txt

Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye!

Emotions: Excitement

Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye!

Emotions

Excitement

1998_979711.txt

I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems.

Social Awareness: Self-awareness

I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems.

Social Awareness

Self-awareness

1998_613201.txt

I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1 433613201

Emotions: Excitement

I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1 433613201

Emotions

Excitement

2000_457131.txt

streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room.

Emotions: Lack of focus

streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room.

Emotions

Lack of focus

2004_262.txt

Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now.

Emotions: Guilt

Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now.

Emotions

Guilt

1998_930178.txt

not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.

Emotions: Indecision

not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.

Emotions

Indecision

1998_930178.txt

not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.

Social Awareness: Social Isolation

not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.

Social Awareness

Social Isolation

1997_835717.txt

it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination.

Thinking styles: Philosophical

it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination.

Thinking styles

Philosophical

2003_291.txt

I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her? I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this? Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing? I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing? Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me? Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah 20 more sec I feel like an idiot just rambling here.

Emotions: Frustration

I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her? I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this? Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing? I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing? Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me? Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah 20 more sec I feel like an idiot just rambling here.

Emotions

Frustration

2000_518815.txt

3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye

Emotions: Dislike

3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye

Emotions

Dislike

2000_710213.txt

What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have "lungs of steel" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of "hooked up. " Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew!

Emotions: Anxiety

What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have "lungs of steel" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of "hooked up. " Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew!

Emotions

Anxiety