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vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0012

2016-2017

2016-09-16

M

A

I'm in a room with other Vietnam vets. We're young, in our late 20s or 30s. The plan is to meet here weekly. I'm talking with one of the vets. I say, "We can share a ride. I'll pay for gas if you have a car." I don't tell him I don't drive. Another vet, who seems familiar, who is robust and mature, asks about my dog tags, which I'm wearing around my neck. Happily, I tell him, "I'm wearing them because of today." The other vet immediately chokes up and turns away. I know enough to refrain from speaking.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA

HA D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0013

2016-2017

2016-09-18

M

A

I'm working in an office and meet a mature girl at a nearby bakery. She's very pretty, friendly and kind. I buy bread from her and forget to leave a tip. Then I do, at first counting out the small change, then giving all the coins to her. "Just take it all," I say. Dave, a best friend since college, meets her. She must choose between him or me. She prefers me. It's because of my fine body, she says. I introduce to the girl to my grandfather. "This is my grandfather," I say, momentarily forgetting his name. He introduces himself. The girl says she likes movies, plays and museums. My grandfather gives her subway directions to New York's theater district. The girl is anxious. I tell her we'll find it. At night, she and I walk down a country road. I tell her I know this road. I know where it leads. I point out its center lines, now faded, barely recognizable, as if paint sprayed from a distance. The scene changes. We're in a pup tent. Something is wrong. The girl complains; the tent is missing stakes, rope and the poles to keep it upright and taut. And there's no ground mat; only the bare earth. And the weather is bad. There is tension. Dave, or whoever gave us the tent, is at fault.

1FKA, 1MKA, 1MKA

AP 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0014

2016-2017

2016-09-19

M

A

Lying on my back, I'm in-between wakefulness and sleep. A large presence is groping me. I'm struggling to ward it off. Then I see it. A large tube-like phallus above me. I have fear. I have dread. [The dream occurs several times.]

1ISA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0015

2016-2017

2016-09-19

M

A

It's night. With other men, I'm in a house in a residential area. Each man is stationed at a window. We're waiting to be attacked. We'll shoot them as they attack us.

2MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0016

2016-2017

2016-09-19

M

A

I'm in an enclosed, grim, third world market made of cement. I'm standing in front of a large counter, talking to someone. My mother is nearby. There are several phonographs behind that person, perched high on a shelf. The records play one after the other, hooked up in synch. Even the old time wind up Victrola, whose needle follows the spiral groove. I over hear my mother talking. "When I was 17, I learned to ride horses. I never thought about sleeping with anyone." I say to the person behind the counter, "Yeah, right. Seventeen and never thought about it." I'm hungry, and buy noodles from a Japanese man wearing a food vendor's cap and uniform. I point to the type I want. He puts a portion in a small porcelain bowl, then pours something on them. At first I think it's sauce, and nearly tell him to stop, then realize it's water to cool the noodles. He hands me the bowl and waits for money. I linger a moment, and instead walk away without paying.

1ISA, 1FKA, 1MEA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0017

2016-2017

2016-09-20

M

A

I'm in a large bedroom. It's dark and quiet. Someone enters the house. The presence approaches the bedroom door. It's the mother of my friend Frank. She's talking to me. She's very cheerful. I wonder about her sex life.

1FKA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0018

2016-2017

2016-09-20

M

A

My mother says, "You never got a B.A., so you never got a good job." I say, "You never pushed us (my brother and I) the way other parents did. All you did was offer emotional support. You never taught us to be ambitious."

1FKA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0019

2016-2017

2016-09-20

M

A

I'm in a very large and bright hangar where an Army ceremony has taken place. Hundreds of soldiers are present. It's like the hangar at Bien Hoa airport in Vietnam. As if we're in a circus big top, we're told to put our pizza boxes into garbage cans. I wonder where they get the pizza and pop corn when they are traveling. How do they get resupplied? Do they buy massive quantities when they can? They are a large part of the demand for corn crops. After we're dismissed, I ask a familiar looking soldier if I can leave something with him. He says yes. I run to my room for a sweater. A man is digging up the hallway floor, though instead of wood there are long earth-colored tiles. In the room, similar to my last apartment, I grab a sweatshirt from the closet. Back at the hangar, I see a black soldier stealing my .45 and pistol belt. I run after him.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MSA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0020

2016-2017

2016-09-20

M

A

In a college or writing workshop, I recognize one of the women attendees and ask her what she's reading. She says a short story by the writer William Joiner. I know this shy pretty woman. She is Charlotte, from 5th grade. I tell her about my crush on her. She is stuck up in her reply. I speak with two other women, a blonde and a brunette. Both are pretty and friendly. Both are married. I'm attracted to them. I talk to the blonde. It's disappointing to hear she's getting married. I ask a familiar looking man to point out or describe her fiancee. He's vague, so I jokingly ask him, "Well, does he have three eyes?" and make another remark. He says, "She's getting married to William Chase." Waking, I say, "Well, whoever he is, he's a lucky man."

1FKA, 1MPA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1FSA

SD D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0021

2016-2017

2016-09-21

M

A

I'm walking along a country path near homes and old garages. Someone has stashed a key, an engraved silver Zippo lighter, and a small roll of one-dollar bills in dry foliage. I grab the money and hurry along. I don't want to get caught by the persons who put it there.

2ISA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0022

2016-2017

2016-09-21

M

A

I'm in the country with one or two other men. I've taken the lead. It's winter, and I'm surfing down a long sloping trail on a board or door. It's fun.

2MSA

HA D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0023

2016-2017

2016-09-21

M

A

I'm on my way to the apartment building of a girl I've just met. I see a man I know. He's young, handsome, dark haired, possibly of Indian decent. I tell him, "I'm going to see if I left my coat at her house." I tell him that if I find it, we should get together. If not, I'll go home. He cheerfully says, "Now I feel good," or "That makes me feel good." I don't understand why he said that. I go to the floor where the girl lives but can't recall her door. I enter an apartment, a bar, and sit on a stool. A stocky man, wearing a suite and tie, with 1950s swept back duck's-ass hair, taps my shoulder. When I get up, he takes my seat. I say, "I was sitting there," but he ignores me. I push him off the seat and he falls to the floor. I say, "C'mon, let's fight." Dazed, he stands up, crouches and puts up his fists. This surprises me. Not showing my fear, I say, "No, no. I don't want to fight. Look, I was sitting there."

1FKA, 1MKA

CO D, AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0024

2016-2017

2016-09-22

M

A

I'm in a dimly lit room that holds the spirits of my ancestors. The dominant colors are dark and amber; everything appears in thread-like decay. The spirits are tall vague forms that barely move. I'm paralyzed and filled with fear. The spirit of my maternal grandmother is present. I'm calling to my friend from Vietnam, John N., to help me. I'm calling but I can barely speak his name. My words are unintelligible. Over and over, I struggle to be heard. Am I groaning in my sleep? I see a dark arm bone coming near me. I yell "John! John!" louder, faster. Finally, he seems to hear my calls of alarm.

2JKA, 1FKA, 1MKA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0025

2016-2017

2016-09-23

M

A

I'm walking, and from a distance, see an attractive woman from behind. There is something about the shape of her long brown hair. I wonder who she is and would like to meet her, but feel it will never happen. I walk into a large bedroom that is similar to my childhood home. The woman has been walking behind me. When I turn around, I recognize my friend Joan. From behind, I embrace and hold her, which she allows me to do.

1FSA, 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0026

2016-2017

2016-09-23

M

A

I'm walking outside and meet two slender young attractive girls. I begin kissing one; she lets me continue kissing her. Then, on a train, a young man joins us. Now we're on an island clearing the jungle. Everyone is happy. We're building a place to live.

2FSA, 1MSA, 2JSA

HA 2JKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0027

2016-2017

2016-09-24

M

A

It's dark. I'm on an island inhabited by powerful warriors. I escape from them and head to the shoreline. I see two or three dead men staked to the ground under tee pee poles. The warriors are near. I have to make it to the sea. Just as I'm spotted, I lunge into the dark water and swim underwater, thinking, I'll barely outdistance him. The scene changes. I'm on dry land in a suburban town. It's still dark. Fifty or so yards away, one man calls to another. He tells him to be on the lookout for me. He comes close but I avoid detection. Now other people are hunting me. I enter a building that is similar to my grammar school. It's dark inside. I fight with an athletic man. We fight like characters in the movie The Matrix, performing fantastical martial arts moves in mid-air. A state trooper arrives. I see him as he peers around a corner. I see his Smokey the Bear hat. I call to my dog. She's appears at the far end of a hallway. She's hesitant to come to me. I have to escape. The state trooper yells "Stop! Stop!" I yell back, "I want my dog. I want my dog."

2MOA, 2MSA, 1MSA, 1MOA, 1ANI, 1MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0028

2016-2017

2016-09-25

M

A

I'm in a room with three women competing in a yoga competition. One woman acts as a judge. It's clear that one of the two other women has superior shape and form and will win the contest.

2FSA, 1FOA, 1FSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0029

2016-2017

2016-09-25

M

A

I'm a passenger in a car driven by a very ugly black man. He's making conversation. Periodically I say, "Yeah." At one point he turns to me and says, "Stop saying 'yeah.' " He says it easily. It's what he thinks and feels. I'm reminded of a similar experience at work. I'm a little angry at the black man, a little embarrassed. I want to ask "Why?" but consider that I'm over reacting, and that he's likely right.

1MSA

AN D, AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0030

2016-2017

2016-09-26

M

A

In a barn or bunkhouse that is dark and dimly lit. There's sexual tension between an older man and his wife. Few words are spoken. Where he is urgent, she is struggling. Neither the man nor the woman is attractive. She begins taking off her necklace, slowly undoing the clasp. The necklace itself is nearly invisible, as though it were made of fish line monofilament. It's as if I'm watching her from behind, as if others are watching her, and the woman knows it. Now the couple is in a dark lit restaurant. The woman, wearing a full-length evening gown, has arranged her hair in a French bun. They, though especially the woman, are welcomed by a dozen or so seated diners. It's like a Broadway musical: they are formally dressed, loud and boisterous, extending their hands in theatric sincerity. Only the seated persons are smiling. Their arch enthusiasm discomforts the woman. She is bewildered, distraught.

1MSA, 1FSA, 2JSA

CO 1FKA, SD 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0031

2016-2017

2016-09-26

M

A

I'm in an upscale clothing store. The clothing is displayed on racks, and in bookcase-like cubbyholes. There are many items on shelves in grocery store-like aisles. Four men wearing tan shirts, dark pants and Sherlock Holmes hats arrive. They appear to be brothers, each with a distinct personality. The store becomes crowded. I'm in an aisle next to an athletic Hispanic man. Just as I turn, he turns into me. I see this as an act of aggression and push him away. One of us says, "What are you doing, man?" Then we are both trying to keep calm. He's somewhat younger. He doesn't know I'm much older than I look. He talks about a man who kept trying to cheat the store out of a discount. On the third time, he was caught. The Hispanic man makes a good will remark and at that moment I shake his hand, then walk away. The Hispanic man is puzzled, unhappy at how things ended.

2MSA, 1MEA, 1MSA, 1MSA

CO 1MSA, SD 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0032

2016-2017

2016-09-28

M

A

I have to execute a man by decapitating him with a knife. I put the blade to his throat but the flesh and bone are tough and the cutting is slow. The man groans in agony. I am the one causing his suffering. Someone else witnesses the awful event.

1MSA, 1ISA

SD 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0033

2016-2017

2016-09-28

M

A

With other people, perhaps a family, I'm on a large pyramid shaped sofa. We're playing a game. I'm being asked questions. At my turn, I make sexual puns about someone else on the sofa. But a young boy can't take it. Instead of laughing, he is sullen.

2JSA, 1MSA

SD 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0034

2016-2017

2016-09-28

M

A

My mother helps me to move. She's driving her big beige car from 1962. A double-parked black car is blocking her from parking next to the curb. She calls to the driver, "Excuse me, 'hon. Can you move?" The driver, a friendly youthful looking man with a 1950s haircut, agrees, but my mother inches past and parks. We begin unloading the trunk. My belongings are in plastic grocery bags. My mother wants to join me. I say, "No, wait here with the stuff." I enter an elevator with an elderly couple and a maintenance man who is re-painting the elevator. I look for the number two elevator button but can't find it. The elderly woman talks to her husband in a New York accent; it's very familiar. Where have I heard it before? "Two," she says, and I search but can't find it. She pushes the button, which is obscured by old paint. During the ride up, I say nothing. Everyone exits on the second floor. I look out a hallway window. The grim urban view has a rustic quality. I say to myself, "I like that." I have the silver key ready, but my apartment door is opened by the elderly couple. I can see that it's warm and friendly inside. Just as they welcome me in, an activist student, Lisa, arrives. I put the key in my mouth in order to shake her hand. I recognize the woman's accent when I see her husband. "Come in, come in," he's says. It's the American historian Howard Zinn. He hugs me. I kiss him. "Its so good," I say.

1FKA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 1MOA, 1FKA, 1MPA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0035

2016-2017

2016-09-29

M

A

I'm in a beautiful landscape. A child's fantasy of armored knights in battle. Two knights on immense horses swing swords, one clearly outdoing the other. I witness a skilled knight who rides to the rescue of the man being defeated. The large swords swing and clash. When the rescuing knight is about to deliver the coup de grace, I turn to the physician Susan G, who is dressed as a princess, and say, "He's about to do a podcast." She compliments me for a witty joke or phrase I did not make. It's so modern, so witty, she says. In that moment I decide to let the oversight pass.

2ANI, 1MOA, 1MOA, 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0036

2016-2017

2016-09-29

M

A

I'm sitting at a table with a black woman who resembles my own mother. She wants to sell me collectible pennies. She has never done this before. I'm patient with her. She's too thorough, almost protective, and will not let me inspect the coins. I tell her this is not how it's done. I tell her the first principle of business is to inspect what's on offer. We settle on the price. She has fifty coins and will charge me two dollars. She reaches into her purse and nonchalantly places a packet of tampons on the table. Inwardly I try to calculate the math but am confused. We go back and forth. I realize I'm obsessing over a small sum of money. Waking I say, "It's not a lot of money," and will pay her.

1FSA

CO D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0037

2016-2017

2016-09-29

M

A

I'm at the AMC movie theater in the nearby big city. The theater auditorium is dark and empty. It's closed and I'm trapped inside. There's a man on a tall ladder in front of the blank screen. I call to him, "Staff...staff..." but he does not answer. I walk out of the theater and into the main corridor, where hundreds of people sit at tables or mill about. I have to be somewhere and hurry so I won't be late.

1MSA, 2JOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0038

2016-2017

2016-09-30

M

A

I'm in a college dorm room. There's a party going on. The lights are out. There are soap bubbles everywhere. Police detectives arrive. One of them grabs my arm. I ask him, "What's going on?" It's hard to hear him over the music and noise. They're arresting us. In the darkness a cop punches me in the stomach. I imagine not feeling pain. I imagine saying in a mocking voice, "What was that, man?" and goad him to hit me again. I imagine pulling him to the ground and taking his weapon.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0039

2016-2017

2016-09-30

M

A

It's night. My brother and I, both young, are sleeping in the bedroom at the apartment I lived in from 1964 to 1969, I'm groaning in my sleep. Suddenly I let out a ferocious scream. My brother comes to my bedside and wakes me. I tell him I'm having a bad dream. He says, "I'll say." It's raining outside. The windows are shut but the wind enters through the drafty gaps and rattles the room. I tell my brother it's raining really hard. He says he's glad he brought his sweatshirt inside. One of his little toes is unusually long, like a finger, and nearly broken in half.

1MKA

AN D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0040

2016-2017

2016-09-30

M

A

I'm in a crowded classroom. The venerable teacher asks us the meaning of the word "shostakopus." A nearby student has a dictionary. I want to answer but he reads it first. The definition is academic, not what I anticipated. A different word, illustrated with a houseplant that I like, catches my eye. The two sentence spiritual meaning is similar to that of a Sanskrit phrase.

1MOA, 1ISA, 1IKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0041

2016-2017

2016-10-01

M

A

It's windy. I'm climbing in an open pit mine of gray white stone that is similar to granite. White dust fills the air. I climb over the terraced ledges to a Spanish-like plaza where there is shelter from the wind and a place to eat. I sit at a table with a young boy and an old woman. When they leave I realize they've stolen my daypack and baseball cap. The pack contains nothing of value, but it's mine. I can't believe they've stolen it. I run after them. Then I lean forward and fly. I'm about ten feet off the ground, flying down a blacktop country road that winds through a wide-open town. I fly past shops, past a few people on the road, past a woman on a bicycle, past a large store selling plants and flowers. Has my pack been stolen, or is this a dream?

1MSA, 1FSA, 2JSA

CO D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0042

2016-2017

2016-10-01

M

A

I'm a member of an Army unit stationed on snowy mountains in a foreign land with soldiers who are not Americans. We're not in danger, just waiting to move out. I walk around and say hello to a few men I know. A very large man wants to grapple. Soldiers gather to watch as I use Judo to steadily dominate and out maneuver my opponent. I throw and push and pin him down but he won't give up. A beautiful Weimaraner runs by. Then a different dog. I want to watch them. I tell the larger man I want to stop.

2MOA, 2MKA, 1MSA, 1ANI, 1ANI

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0043

2016-2017

2016-10-01

M

A

I'm young and in a crowded classroom of Russian schoolboys. We're annotating books for purposes of espionage and propaganda. Everyone watches as the teacher shows us how to jot down notes in an organized manner. Then we sing a Russian song. I don't speak the language so I try to lip synch the words by watching how the boys move their mouths. A boy next to me watches to make sure I'm singing. The teacher too. Everyone sings with enthusiasm.

2MEA, 1MOA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0044

2016-2017

2016-10-02

M

A

I'm seated at a table at a popular restaurant near where I sent to college, flossing my teeth. Two girls seated across from me think I'm staring at them because I'm flossing my teeth, but I'm not interested in them. In walks Larry M, a high school pal. His once thick and wavy blonde hair is thin and white. We make eye contact and he walks to my table. I stand up. Larry asks, "Aren't you from Resort Town," where I lived in 1969. I say I lived there but only one year. Larry recalls one or two other details about me. I want to embrace him but he hasn't changed. He is still strident, macho, stoic.

2FSA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0045

2016-2017

2016-10-03

M

A

I'm in my old house on Highland Place. Outside, it's raining hard. After the storm, I enter the bathroom to find that one window has a chipped corner, the window screens have been blown out; the room is wrecked. I go to the backyard to retrieve the screens and reinstall them. My mother joins me. To hook the oblong screens on prongs at the top of the window casement requires skill. When my mother succeeds, she says, "I did it!" in her hapless way. I tell her the windows are old. I tell her the landlord should replace them. I tell her she doesn't know the law, and mention the law of habitability. My mother doesn't want to hear about it. She doesn't want the trouble. I wake up saying, "They really should be replaced."

1FKA, 1IOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0046

2016-2017

2016-10-04

M

A

It's a bright sunny day. As an adult, I'm attending a ceremony on a grassy hill at my grammar school. I'm wearing a jacket and tie and talking with a friend. A casually dressed obese young man with long frizzy hair approaches me. "This is for you," he says. He hands me a two-foot strand of thickly woven cord, one end of which is unraveling. I put on my sunglasses. It's time to say the Pledge of Allegiance. I will stand without reciting the words or placing my hand over my heart. I'm thinking, if anyone asks or bothers me I'll say, "I know what war is and none of this is true." Afterward, as the frizzy haired man and I walk across a hilly lawn, he asks, "Why do you have so many banks?" I say, "How do you know?" He says, "I just know." I say, "I have four banks. So what?" We enter the school and walk to a room near a staircase. The frizzy haired man hands me a textbook. "This is for Miss Tonner's class," he says. He makes sure it's the right book, the right class. There is something about the books texture and heft; its grim bulky cover which resembles a film negative. I don't want it, but to avoid conflict, I say nothing. Back on the lawn, I tell my friend about the question I was asked. I wake up saying, "I have four banks. So what?"

1IKA, 1MSA, 2FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0047

2016-2017

2016-10-05

M

A

I'm a priest in a basement church. After leading a religious ceremony, I walk quietly up the aisles, touching the outstretched hands of the parishioners, who are mostly older, poor and black. I've put Dr. Wood's Soap on my hands. I'm telling the people it's holy soap. I feel uplifted. The people need me.

2JSA

HA D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0048

2016-2017

2016-10-06

M

A

I'm in a large but cozy room with several people and several beds. I'm talking to a young boy who resembles Mark P from Elk Grove Camp in the early 60s. Naked, he's kneeling on the bed. He's calm, confident. I ask him many questions about how he falls asleep: Do you lie on your left side or your right? Do you put your hand under the pillow? Do you lie on your back, then roll on your side? The questions arrive one after another; each rings poetic. Unexpectedly, I notice his female breasts. Calmly, he says 'no' to all my questions. When he lays down, he falls right to sleep. Playfully, I say, "I don't believe you," but regret the remark, which is overheard by a woman in an opaque nightgown sitting near me.

2JSA, 1MKA, 1FSA

HA D, SD D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0049

2016-2017

2016-10-07

M

A

I'm in an American Midwest desert. There are one or two familiar people scattered about. In the midday heat, the sun and sand make the desolate landscape intensely bright. From a distance, I walk past a woman who resembles the actress Faye Dunaway. Draped in white, or covered in white dust, she is seated on the ground and seems part of the bleak landscape. Her eyes, rimmed in black, stand out, making her strange. As I walk near her, Faye Dunaway asks, "Where are you going?" She asks other questions. It's as if we're flirting. The others listen. In playful jest I say, "To a synagogue." She replies, "Are you really?" Instead of saying "Does a bear shit in the woods?" I say, "Does a fish have fins?"

2JSA, 1FPA, 2JSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0050

2016-2017

2016-10-07

M

A

I'm young. With my dog, I'm part of a small group walking a country trail. We pass a group of people. Far in the distance I see my former girlfriend Karen. I want to be with her but we have to keep moving. I wave to her regretfully. Does she understand? As we walk, a man leads a reluctantly trotting pony with rope tethered around its body. There's been a car accident. Many possessions are lined up on the side of the trail. Concerned men stand about. We keep moving and, finally arrive at a large one-story house with white adobe walls and dirt floors. It's more like a barn or large hut. Inside, I talk with Lewis, the younger brother of a college best friend. I say, "It's pretty simple here. Almost like a college dorm." Lewis says, "Yeah, I guess so." I don't like this place. It's too casual. I want order. I want things to be orderly and clean. I'll have to get used to this. My dog runs through the house. She's playful yet nervous. There's a small pile of pot on Lewis's bed. She runs over the pot, disturbing it. She drinks water. I ask Lewis if he can deal with the dog. I tell him she's my dog. I wake up talking.

1ANI, 2JSA, 1FKA, 1MSA, 2MSA, 1MKA

AP 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0051

2016-2017

2016-10-09

M

A

I'm in a darkened bedroom with my brother. We're sleeping several yards apart. I pull the covers around my head. A person or presence begins to grope and prod me. I'm terrified and call out to my brother, "Donald... Donald... Donald." He hears me. He knows what's happening but he does not get up to help. I wake up fearful and groaning.

1MKA, 1ISA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0052

2016-2017

2016-10-09

M

A

I'm a silent witness to two plays performed by a white man and a flat-chested Asian woman. In the first, they are seated at a table in a small room, expressing their mutual love. There is tension. The woman suddenly doubts the man loves her. The man is bewildered. It becomes clear the couple is mentally unstable. In a graveyard, the woman doubles up in pain. She thinks she is pregnant. A short, husky, curly-haired man wearing a white shirt says she needs a ten second surgery. After the play ends I remark that the dialogue and acting in the second play were poor. I wake up mumbling how the first play was so much better.

1MSA, 1FEA, 1MSA

CO 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0053

2016-2017

2016-10-10

M

A

I'm in a field, a firing range. The ground is ravaged, torn, ripped apart. There's an explosive charge that I want to detonate. Its texture is like the thick crust of pizza. I set the timer, then crawl into a large metal or cement pipe. The warning sound, a tocsin like that of a submarine about to dive, fills the air. Nothing happens. Should I crawl out and reset the timer? Am I far enough away? Suddenly, a tremendous blast. I feel the shock waves rip across my body. The explosion blows apart the pipe. Shock waves or shrapnel impact my body. How bad am I hit? Terrified, I startle awake.

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0054

2016-2017

2016-10-10

M

A

I'm walking in a place similar to New York's Central Park. I see two little girls, one wears a square-cut Central American blouse. I feel a kinship to her. Where did she obtain the beautiful vest? We talk. The older girl is antagonistic. I tease her playfully; she remains sullen.

1FSC, 1FEA

AN 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0055

2016-2017

2016-10-10

M

A

I'm on a crowded airplane with my former girlfriend Karen and her friend Johanna. A stewardess demonstrates a breathing device. A red-headed man has his own apparatus, which resembles a water pipe. He puts one or two tablets into the water-filled plastic bottle and inhales. I tell Karen and Johanna, "Watch this. He's going to pass out for a second." The stewardess hands me the bottle. It's necessary to inhale deeply before using it. I inhale the vapor, choke, stop, and return the bottle to the stewardess. "I just can't," I say, and wake up gasping.

1FKA, 1FKA, 1FOA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0056

2016-2017

2016-10-10

M

A

I'm in a college dorm with men I know. They are rowdy, nonintellectual. One man exits, then returns with a holstered .356 Magnum. I ask him if that makes him feel better. Another man offers me cocaine. I say, "No, I don't want Mr. Cocaine. I don't want it."

2MKA, 1MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0057

2016-2017

2016-10-10

M

A

I'm with Jimmy, my maternal grandparents' porter, in his basement apartment. It's grim here, the essence of poverty. A plywood door hangs off its hinge. The floors are cement. Jimmy wants to make something out of wood and asks for my help. His friend is skeptical. Jimmy hands me a long thin piece of wood set in a tubular black metal mold. At the same time, he discretely hands me a chocolate chip cookie.

1MKA, 1IKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0058

2016-2017

2016-10-11

M

A

I'm on a beautiful tropical island with my brother and Melinda, a Honduran woman I traveled with in 1992. It's warm and sunny. Melinda is swimming in the aqua blue splashing surf. Does she know how lucky she is? The island will change when it becomes a resort.

1MKA, 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0059

2016-2017

2016-10-11

M

A

I'm walking down a city boulevard. A man and woman, balancing their son on their shoulders, block my way, but I walk past them. I'm riding a bicycle down the same street, which leads to a shabby area, much like New York City's 14th Street in the 80s. A young Spanish girl standing on the corner eats a sandwich. A pit bull lingers in front of her, hoping for scraps. But the girl is a lure. Two young Hispanic men try to rob me. I shoot them, grab the girl, hop on the bike and ride away. I will rape her. She does not resist.

2JSA, 1MSA, 1ANI, 2MEA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0060

2016-2017

2016-10-12

M

A

On a clear dark night, with a crowd gathering, I'm standing at the corner of two prominent streets. The mood is festive. The people are excited. But at any moment a loud explosion will occur; a war will begin. The young person I'm standing with asks me many questions. Do I like this? Do I like that? What was that sound? That smell, which has the fragrance of banana cinnamon? I wonder when the explosion will blow up the night.

2JSA, 1ISA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0061

2016-2017

2016-10-12

M

A

After hauling my possessions up a flight of stairs, I enter the anteroom of a Chinese prison. It's grim, dank, empty. Kneeling, I pencil on the floor the best spot to set up a defensive position. It covers the stairwell door, which leads to the office, where a Chinese woman sits at a desk. A white woman and her family, having left the prison, enter the room. As they pass me someone asks her if she's seen a dog. The woman hesitates. She's only seen a big blue dog. She's lying. When she and her family have gone I walk across the room to the office door. Around my ankles, a large white rag hobbles my steps. Before entering the office I turn and look for my possessions. They're gone. Did the white woman steal them? I talk with the grim Chinese woman behind the desk. Suddenly, screams from the stairwell. I say, "There's been an accident." The Chinese woman is silent. Two or three at a time, I run down the stairs, my toes touching only the edge of each step. A pretty young girl, with pimples and a pony tail, leans against the stairwell banister. She cries softly. In my role as medic, in my comforting voice, I ask her, "Where does it hurt?" But the girl is all right. She's worried, nervous, but unhurt.

1FEA, 2JSA, 1FSA, 1ANI, 1FSA, 1FOA

AP 1FKA, AP 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0062

2016-2017

2016-10-13

M

A

It's night. A friend and I are walking down a wide indoor boulevard made of wooden slats, similar to the Atlantic City boardwalk. We're young, happy-go-lucky. I have $100,00 in my pocket. My friend sees a drug dealer he knows. The dealer, a short thin Italian looking man, with a 1950s haircut, asks us to play a game with his cronies. We're to lick cardboard puzzle pieces suspended from a string. At any moment they will taste like vomit. I hesitate as long as I can. Does the dealer know I have so much money? My friend and I know he will steal it. The scene changes. In daylight, the dealer takes us to his small cramped apartment. It's sunny inside. There's a palm tree in one corner. He talks about dealing drugs. He says to always destroy any evidence of transactions. Discreetly, I reach into a small trash can and steal a fistful of paper scraps which he has written on. The tension is unbearable. Is he toying with us? At the right moment, not waiting for my friend, I run from the apartment. My friend chases after me, the dealer behind us. We find our way through a mall, push past a chrome glass door, and escape. It's night. We're running down the wide indoor boulevard, my friend shouting encouragement so we are not caught.

1MKA, 1MOA, 2MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0063

2016-2017

2016-10-13

M

A

I'm to be honored and am talking with other vets. We're waiting for the ceremony to start. I meet Dayl (my Vietnamese writer friend), we've not seen each other in years. Surprisingly, he's not enthusiastic. I say, "You want to hear one? I came here almost naked." I imagine going home to Highland Place, naked, the people staring, nodding, "Yes, that typical of him. He's a little crazy." I imagine someone gives me a white shirt, a jacket and pants. I imagine that as Dayl and I are talking, a dignitary comes by, tells me to keep it down. I'm not angered. I feel my power. He does not know I'm the guest of honor. He does not know about my combat medals. The scene changes. I meet my friend Dave since college days. We're lying in a large bed, talking. I recollect the Upper West Side church in Manhattan where we met women in the 1980s. I tell him, "Along those lines," and talk about our relationship. About love. He grows impatient with this saccharine talk. I say, "It's too bad we didn't meet sooner. You could have met my former girlfriend Karen." I begin crying over the end of my relationship with her. I'm thinking, This is what everyone goes through in life. In this, I'm normal.

2JOA, 1MKA, 2JSA, 1IOA, 1FKA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0064

2016-2017

2016-10-14

M

A

It's night. With several schoolgirls, I'm in a crowded church in France. We're in the gymnasium, which has a movie screen on the far side of one wall; speakers are placed either side of it. I question the symmetry but the design is right. I look out a dark wooden or metal portal onto a beautiful country landscape; in the dim light, it's raining. Sitting in the pews are school children, mostly girls, who begin singing in French. When the service is over I look for my coat and pack, but it's dark and hard to see. Where did I put them? There they are, fallen behind one of the folding seats, which are like those in movie theaters. I try on several sport coats. The one I select makes me look strong. After pushing my First Cavalry pin into the lapel, I'm the last person to leave the darkened church. It's scary. I find the door, walk through a well lit hotel or mall, and past several modern sculptures--thin wood boxes with a layer of many solid colored beads atop them, which are meant to be touched. A father and I watch his two young sons bury themselves in sand, then re-emerge, pushing their way out. Something pulls me into the sand. It's hurting me. I begin to moan, "Ow...Ow...Ow..." I wake up.

2FSA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 2MSA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0065

2016-2017

2016-10-14

M

A

It's dark. With a familiar young boy, I walk down a winding asphalt road. I ask the boy if I can ride his bike. He declines. Then he is gone. I decide to walk to a restaurant for ice cream but become lost. I find my way to a house on a high rocky cliff, which overlooks the sea. The owner, a cranky old woman, spots me. As I leave the house, she begins to complain. I take to the air and float down the rocky orange colored cliff, slowly soaring down. The old woman raves at me: "Have you been drinking? What do you want? You'll see," she says, "I'll call the cops." I land and enter a suburban house, find a bunk bed and lay upon it. A man wearing a trench coat and fedora enters the darkened bedroom. As he stands near the bed he doesn't see me. I'm bleeding, and wipe blood on the sheets. I say, "Excuse me, sir. Is this your bed?" The man becomes angry. I get up, leave the house through the back door, walk quickly over a show car wrapped in plastic, jump to the ground, and keep walking.

1MSA, 1FSA, 2MOA, 1MSA

AN 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0066

2016-2017

2016-10-15

M

A

I'm in a play being performed in a small darkened theater. Only a few people are in the audience. The subject is the war on drugs. I play a general in charge of a half-dozen guerillas, shouting out rhetorical questions to inspire my men. "Are we going to fight this war?! Are we going to win this battle?!" I'm doing this for their sake and to excite the audience. At first the guerrillas are unenthusiastic, but the second time I rouse them they are more high-spirited. "Who's going to fight this war?" I yell. "We are!" they shout back. "We're going to war!" I yell. " Let's kill some of those bad people!"

2JSA, 2MOA, 2MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0067

2016-2017

2016-10-15

M

A

I'm with a group of men and women learning to be reporters or newspaper executives. The men wear suites and ties. The women wear dresses and heels. In a crowded way, we're walking to a political event. I see a ten foot tall rectangular black board stuck in the ground like a tombstone. Upon it, the words "101st, 36 or more," are written in chalk. I climb up the sign and try to call my Vietnam friend John N, but it's dark and I can't read the numbers on my phone. We continue walking toward the theater where the event will be held. Everyone is carrying a table or chair. I have the rectangular sign. There's an old brick wall we must climb up and over by steps made of stacked and bound newspapers. George Stephanopoulos says we must take the newspapers with us. At my turn, I walk up the newspaper stairway, which is water-logged. A brick column is broken. Stephanopoulos says to dislodge the bricks from the mortar and carry them to the other side. He impatiently waits for the work to be done. The column is too heavy. I wake up saying, "What do you want me to do? I've had three hernias, George. I'm not doing it."

2JSA, 1MKA, 2JSA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0068

2016-2017

2016-10-16

M

A

My former girlfriend Karen and I spend the night together. It's been so long. We undress and make love. In the morning, we look for a train back to the town I lived in from 2001 to 2012. At the station Karen is sure of the way, but enters and exits twice. Without thinking, she blocks the way of a waiting passenger, a mysterious man. A train arrives but we miss it and walk in the country. Karen stands high up on a dirt ridge while I'm on lower ground. In the distance, I see a man who appears to be armed. Is he a cop? When the man turns, I see it's a shotgun, not a pistol, he's hidden inside his long tan coat. The man is angry. Karen, who does not see him, drinks water from a paper cup, and throws the empty cup down the ridge. I loudly whisper her name to warn her but she doesn't hear me calling. The man walks toward Karen, bumps into her, pushes her. I'm angry and start walking toward him. I will kick this man in his throat.

1FKA, 1MSA

AN 1MKA, AN D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0069

2016-2017

2016-10-17

M

A

It's night. I'm with a platoon of American soldiers in Vietnam. Instead of jungle, we're in an urban area with many tall apartment buildings similar to Sycamore Hill, the apartment complex I lived in from 10 to 12 years of age. Entering a complex, I struggle to sling on my pack, which is made of many fibers, like a humming's nest. We're making too much noise; the Vietnamese know the American' are here. The platoon enters a building and splits up. I'm alone, running down empty hallways, peering into apartments. I fear being seen or shot by the blue-collar inhabitants. In some rooms, the lights are on, or the doors are open. It's as if no one's home, or no one cares to be safe. I've had enough, and skip down the cement stairwells two steps at a time, triggering an alarm. At one of the landings, I see Ba repairing a water leak in the hotel he ran in ?Vietnam in the 1990s. I make a remark as I jump past. Ba says, "Did you ask the officer about hunting?" I wake up saying, "I forgot. What do you want me to say?"

2MOA, 2MEA, 1MKA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0070

2016-2017

2016-10-17

M

A

I'm with a small therapy group ranged alongside a pier. A major city airport is visible in the distance. Each person has a chance to tell their story. I take a drink of water from a metal beer mug. The leader of the group, a powerful man who looks like Tom, a summer camp counselor when I was age 7, grabs it from me. It belongs to him. Then it's my turn to speak. I go around the subject, I tell him you push and you pull, you shoot and you slash. My father says, no. He tells me I really get into it when describing war. Several group members complain they don't like this subject. Tom walks away. He returns with the metal mug. Handing it to me, he vomits all over me. "You fuck!" I shout. As the puke swirls down, the color is wrong, and it doesn't stink. I tell Tom that maybe I have a good puke response. I tell him the puke didn't look right. "It didn't have the right conglomeration of flecks and lumps of undigested food." I say, "good try," but I don't get angry. The anger begins right there. I tell Tom and the group the real question is what happens to anger? Where does it go, or not go?

2JSA, 1MKA, 1MKA, 2JSA

AN D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0071

2016-2017

2016-10-18

M

A

I'm with a friend in a darkened bedroom crowded with clothes and toys. I pick up a large pet turtle, but the creature escapes my hand and deliberately climbs onto a battery operated toy bus with small blue lights that glow from within. The bus and turtle chug off into the night. I say, "Wow! This is crazy!"

1IKA, 1ANI

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0072

2016-2017

2016-10-18

M

A

I'm sitting in an English garden with Donald Trump and his family. Trump is upbeat, arrogant. The scene changes. Trump enters an upscale private first floor lounge occupied by hotel staff. The tent-like roof raises to allow views of the stylish hotel grounds. I'm seated next to Trump, who is standing and sullen. A corpse in a coffin is carried into the room. One at a time, I share hors d'oeuvres with Trump, who scoffs at the body. The scene changes. Trump and I sit on the floor of the hotel's first floor utility closet; his family is the roof. It's dark in here. I'm holding Trump's hand, which is shaped like a wooden spoon. I ask Trump if he's afraid. He says that earlier he'd done building repairs and now wants to leave, but first, he must tell his family. I say, "I'll call them." Trump wonders if their phones will ring. I tell him at least one of the phones will get the call.

1MPA, 2JSA, 3ISA

SD 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0073

2016-2017

2016-10-19

M

A

It's dark and raining. I'm flying through an area similar to Green Meadow Lake, where my grandparents had a summer home in the 50s, looking into the lights windows of houses as I soar past. I enter an empty house much like the one my grandparents owned here, settle in, trying not to make noise. Very soon someone bangs on the back door. "Hello!...hello!" they call out. For a few minutes I ignore them, hoping they'll leave. Finally, knowing I've been caught, I walk through the darkened house and answer the door. Out back, there's a cab waiting with passengers. The driver and a woman passenger hand me items that have fallen out of a toiletry kit which I had earlier left in the cab. The driver is almost apologetic. I thank him for returning my things. Waking, I say, "Thanks."

1ISA, 1MSA, 1FSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0074

2016-2017

2016-10-19

M

A

I'm visiting Melinda, my one-time Honduran traveling companion. We live in different apartments in the same building. Someone else is with us. Melinda and I talk, then argue, and she starts to cry. The tension passes; naked, she lays down on the bed. Lithe and beautiful, Melinda tells me she did not like how we first met. She says I dated her because I was lonely. I say I didn't know that. She says maybe she will marry me. I say if she does, she'll have money. Melinda wants to go upstairs to visit her brother. I say I want to go with her. We attend a meeting at the hospital where she works. Melinda explains that she helps people. Outside, we stand near a circular apparatus for mass burn casualties. A regal looking black woman walks by. I step aside for a handsome and proud young African man wearing a suite and tie. I want Melinda. There is something about her. She has inner strength. She has prophetic power. If I lose her, it will be my fault. I feel regret. I feel yearning.

1FKA, 1ISA, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1MEA

SD D, AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0075

2016-2017

2016-10-20

M

A

I'm with my former girlfriend Karen diving for pearls in the ocean. The sun lit water is murky and shallow. We try out scuba gear. I put mine on and go underwater. I can't do it. I can't make myself breathe while submerged. I'm choking, gasping. I wake up.

1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0076

2016-2017

2016-10-21

M

A

A dentist works on his patients. A sign reads, "Bachman Natural Dentist." A photographer snaps a picture of the sign.

1MOA, 1ISA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0077

2016-2017

2016-10-22

M

A

I'm living in a ramshackle rooming house. It's seedy and flea bitten. Someone has stolen my bed blanket. Reluctantly, I enter the room of two black brothers to ask if they've seen it. The two men lie face down on the floor and appear to be dead. Their beds are unmade. Dirty clothes and garbage are everywhere. The blanket is not here. The scene changes. I'm standing in a large foyer, much like the one at the Brand Theater where I worked in 1972 as an usher. In a thick British accent, an older Englishman with a 1950s haircut peppers me with questions. "Do you have a cigarette? Do you have a light?" On and on he goes. Whenever he speaks, he lurches forward suddenly, causing me to flinch. Is he drunk? "Do you have coffee?" he asks. " Imitating Richard Burton in a scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, I say, "Coffee? Coffee? How do you like your coffee?" The landlord arrives. I point the Englishman toward him. "This man would like to speak to you," I say.

2MSA, 1MOA, 1MPA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0078

2016-2017

2016-10-22

M

A

I'm sharing an apartment with actress/author Jamie Lee Curtis. We've been flirting. I knock on the back wall of my room to get her attention. She knocks back. We do this several times. Naked, I get out of bed, walk to her room, and knock on her door. Friends watch what takes place. When Jamie Lee answers the door, I ask her," Can we talk?" Smiling, she says, "Sure." I take her hand as we walk past my smiling friends. "Let's go to my room," I say.

1FPA, 2IKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0079

2016-2017

2016-10-22

M

A

I'm sitting at a table in a crowded bar. A mother and daughter enter, sit at my table, and begin to chat. The daughter is slim, the mother a bit heavier. With their long blonde hair, they appear to be German. Both are attractive and lively. I pretend I'm asleep. The daughter says, "Well, look who it is!" The three of us begin talking. I make several witty remarks. Secretly, I want to sleep with them. Would they do that? Are they having similar thoughts? We continue to drink and flirt.

1FSA, 1FEA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0080

2016-2017

2016-10-24

M

A

I'm in a large old house. It's beautifully furnished. I hear small bells tinkling and walk to the room from where the sound originates. My former girlfriend Karen and I, lying on the ground, watch a cat and a dog play with a toy that makes mechanical noises. Karen says, "I'm moving to another part of the state." She's leaving to attend a school of some sort. She's thrilled and happy. I say I'm happy for her. I say I'm glad she's finally moving on. I tell her these things but inside I feel sad, and will deeply miss her.

1FKA, 1ANI

HA 1FKA, SD D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0081

2016-2017

2016-10-24

M

A

Hundreds of people walk across an open field to a meeting where they will discuss a critical article I wrote about an unnamed member of Vietnam Veterans For Peace. Someone gives me money for a time keeper who will assure the meeting lasts several hours. I give the money to a swarthy man in a green sweater who, like a thief, quickly pockets it. Is he joking or serious? A woman named Judy is deeply involved in settling the dispute. I tell her about the swarthy man. I learn that Judy will represent the person I criticized as well as myself. Waking, I say, "She's in a very difficult situation."

2JSA, 1MSA, 1MOA, 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0082

2016-2017

2016-10-25

M

A

It's night. I'm in a busy town walking toward the bus station. From behind, a man recognizes me. I keep walking as he complains, "They're going to put a road through here." He tells me it will ruin the area. Like my father, he's trapped in pessimism. At the station I meet Mike Billson, a GI knew well in Vietnam. We begin talking. It's hard to tell if he's drunk or disabled. Mike asks for help with his school assignment. The subject is veterans, but his difficult speech and muddled thoughts make it hard to understand him. The teacher, who stands behind us, says she would like us to write an essay about the document that is given to soldiers when the leave the army. How has it helped us? How, in good ways, has it determined or shaped or changed our lives? I listen patiently, trying to see her point of view, but I'm thinking of the ways it has not helped. There's much more to tell than what she has asked.

1MSA, 1MKA, 1FOA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0083

2016-2017

2016-10-25

M

A

I'm standing on an earthy ledge overlooking a calm clear pool of water. Two tropical fish swim serenely one or two feet below the surface. A woman on the other side is fishing with a rod and reel. As we talk, my reel falls into the water. I'm not worried. I'm content to behold the beautiful fish.

2ANI, 1FSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0084

2016-2017

2016-10-26

M

A

I have a spy pen with a video camera and enter a store to have it repaired. Behind the counter, which resembles an airport control tower, is Tom, my camp counselor from childhood. From his perch he is friendly, avuncular, theatrical. I hand him the pen. As part of the repair process, Tom says he needs my wallet. He talks at length about how the camera works, and what must be done to fit it. We step outside onto a field where he continues talking. Nearby, a stack of broken tree branches litters the ground. Back in the store, Tom complains about a man who has moved from one area to another. His friendly tone approaches sarcasm. He hands the spy pen to me, talking all the while. From somewhere there is the distinct scent of chocolate chip cookies. Waking, in a friendly but, concerned manner, I say, "You do have my wallet."

1MKA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0085

2016-2017

2016-10-26

M

A

I'm an instructor at a civilian flight school, observing a short handsome young man who resembles actor Tom Cruise as he goes through his paces. I imagine he is resigned to being ignored, but no, he is firm and confident, has studied hard, recites the answers well, and takes the controls with authority. An older heavy set professor and I will test a short woman pilot who resembles one of my neighbors. After she completes the written exam, the professor, who is Southern and gruff, tells her that's all, she may go. Instead of leaving, the woman insists on knowing how she has done. This upsets the professor. Siding with the woman pilot, I press the question. Waking, I say, "Doctor, what is the problem? I mean, isn't it the right thing to do?"

1MSA, 1MOA, 1FKA

AN 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0086

2016-2017

2016-10-27

M

A

I'm chewing a piece of bread while standing by a corner of the playground fence at my grammar school, which is now an Army base. In the distance, I see a Caribou transport plane waiting for troops to board. A Huey with armed soldiers revs up, and for several hundred yards skims inches from the ground, then lifts and flies off. I see the front end of a 1940s German staff officer's car, which is painted red and green and has a BMW hood ornament. A few soldiers loiter about. I'm an outsider, but part of me wants to join them. If they ask what I'm doing here, I'll say I'm a Vietnam vet. An ambassador, a very tan, short, middle-aged man, dressed in suite and tie, comes up the cement steps and walks past. We talk. I tell him my landlord knows him, but momentarily I can't recall his name. Then I say, "Bryan F," the name of my landlord.

2MOA, 2MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0087

2016-2017

2016-10-27

M

A

I'm lying on my back. A woman resembling Dot, a writing instructor in a veterans' workshop, approaches. She leans over me on her hands and knees. "Have you done your homework?" she asks. I say, "Oh shit, I forgot. I was at a party." She asks me where. I say, "At a house in the city where I went to college from 1972-1974. She becomes more provocative. I become aroused. "With those big lips, I thought you were a bedroom man," she says." "I was," I say. She's being coy, but are they big? She leans low and kisses me on the mouth, but her lipstick does not conceal her age. Still, I hope she'll take off her top. I want to kiss her breasts.

1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0088

2016-2017

2016-10-27

M

A

By phone I'm talking to a hospital nurse about my father. She tells me about his talks to women. I ask her when he will give his next talk. I tell her my talks are about Vietnam. I'm flirting with her too.

1FOA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0089

2016-2017

2016-10-27

M

A

I'm in a small windowless office with three young men. We answer phone calls about VA benefits. A vet calls asking about freebies offered by stores, restaurants, and hotels, for veterans over sixty. A seated worker handling the call asks me for info. I tell him the vet should dial the VA 800 number. He ignores my advice. I talk to another worker, who is staring at the yellow wall inches from his face. I talk with Vincent B. The seated worker taunts him by saying "Dick...dick...dick." I want to show them my .45 pistol, which I have in my pack, but this would cause fear. I imagine the guards at the metal detectors. I imagine saying, "I have to go back," and I would turn around, so that I won't be caught.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0090

2016-2017

2016-10-28

M

A

I've had an emotional crisis. Various people have tried to intervene. Walking through a bad neighborhood, I take a wrong turn and enter an abandoned house with many rooms with swinging doors. Squatters have occupied several rooms. I'm looking for someone, but sense danger, and look for an exit. Just as I find it, a short middle-aged woman walks past me and enters the house. We ignore each other. As I walk down the street, my phone rings. A man with a foreign accent asks many questions. I say, "Who is this? Who are you?" When he doesn't answer, I interrupt him, saying, "What do you want?" Finally, I say, "Tell me the reason you're calling in ten words or less or I'll hang up." He keeps talking; I hang up. The phone rings again. A man with a subdued official-sounding voice asks to speak with me. I ask if he's with the VA. No, he's from social services. He's been contacted by Mrs. Danville, the nurse who tried to help with my emotional crisis. City noise makes it hard to hear him. Waking, I say, "It's noisy. It's hard to hear you. Please call back."

2JSA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1MOA, 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0091

2016-2017

2016-10-29

M

A

With a group of military prisoners, I'm standing at parade rest. Two or three officers are present. We've been told to direct questions to one particular inmate. After a man has asked his question, an officer loudly repeats it, the inmate answers, and the process is repeated. The men ask banal questions. The answers are equally predictable. It is all done quickly. I know that the man being questioned has committed arson. At my turn, I ask him, "Did the crime you committed put you or anyone else in danger? If so, what did you do, and why did you do it?" The other prisoners grumble. His tone is mocking as the prisoner says this is the best question, and he is asked it often. Sneering, an inmate asks me, "What about you? What did you do?" My provocative answer has put me in danger. Later these men will try to attack me. I imagine the warden will put me elsewhere in the prison. My crime was to throw hand grenades into barrels of shit.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0092

2016-2017

2016-10-30

M

A

I need bullets for my forty-five pistol. I visit a store where a female worker reminds me of Lisa, the student activist I knew. She says it's not likely the store has bullets but there's a box of used blue jeans which might have ammo. I don't understand her logic. As the woman takes out the jeans, she says she doesn't like them. They look familiar to me. When I realize they're mine I say, "They're all worn out in the same place." Going through the jean pockets, the woman finds loose change, which she holds in the palm of one hand. When she holds the jeans upside down, more money falls out. I say, "Wow," and comb through the coins she holds in her hand. "Look at this!" I say, "a 1944 silver quarter!" (like the coins I collected as a child). But no ammo. The woman says she's sorry. She says I should go to the VA. I reply, "They probably don't have ammo. They would say it's too dangerous." I thank her several times. I'm very grateful to her. I embrace this woman. I kiss her. "I've learned so much," I say.

1FKA, 1FKA

SD 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0093

2016-2017

2016-10-31

M

A

I meet My former girlfriend Karen outside Hulu, a popular cafe now located in a large busy mall. With three or four other people on her bike, we ride around inside the cafe. It's great fun, and I meet the actor Michael Cain. Dapper, dressed in a suit and tie, he takes a romantic interest in me. I let him know we can bicycle around the mall, but only as friends. After we ride, he parks the bike, blocking a busy walk way. I move the bike, and tell him to take the lock key. Cain kisses me on the back of the neck. I let it pass. We walk to dinner.

1FKA, 2ISA, 1MPA

HA D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0094

2016-2017

2016-10-31

M

A

I'm on a bus with a handsome young black man. His face is gaunt, like the older jazz poet Gill Scott-Heron. In the past, he's had trouble with the law, and he tells me about a woman he loved, a drug addict. As we talk, I comprehend the meaning of inner strength. I want to tell him this, but listening, not talking, is right. When we part, I tell him to be strong. I'm aware this means recognizing one's inner strength. The scene changes. It's cold and dark; there is snow on the ground. I walk to the house of a woman I know. Standing in front of the house, in a notebook, in large letters, I print one word. If I stand here much longer people may complain. In the foot high snow, I walk to the house where a family rents me a room. In thirty minutes a young white man will visit me. I wash up before he arrives. He surveys the room. With its brown walls, it is cramped and crowded with furniture and clothes. I tell him I've lived in many places in the past few years, some of them real dumps, this one is not so bad.

1MSA, 1FPA, 1MSA, 2JSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0095

2016-2017

2016-10-31

M

A

To complete a project, my brother and I, in our twenties, ride a trolley to the library, where I've reserved a room for privacy and quiet. We're about to start when a distraught young man, bearded and with black hair, approaches. He asks if I have any problems, then launches into a forceful series of mixed up questions. Clearly, he's mentally ill. At first, I'm patient with him. Then firmly, I say, "No. I'm not interested, sir. Stop." Holding up my hand, I say, "Just stop." My brother envies my self-assertion. When the man departs, I ask my brother where he wants to begin work. Here, or at another desk? He's ambivalent. I take charge.

1MKA, 1MSA

SD 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0096

2016-2017

2016-11-01

M

A

I'm on the bottom floor of my old house on Highland Place. Completely empty and gutted, the walls, ceilings and trim have been painted white. I'm puttering around, fixing a few things. The landlord will complete the repairs. The scene changes. An older woman shows me around her enormous apartment. There are rooms and more rooms, corridors and stairways, some like the foyer at place I lived as a pre-teen in Resort Town. The room where she lives is the size of a Broadway theater. Large upholstered chairs, like thrones, are arranged on a balcony, which skirts the four walls of the room. Beautiful brass and wood musical instruments lay on the floor. There are shiny tubas, French horns, old cellos, violins. I say, "You live here? Just you?" but I'm thinking, All this space for one person?" The woman says, "Yes. This is where I play." I imagine as an artist she has subsidized rent. I ask, "Do you have pets?" She says no. I say, "You could have parrots. Or monkeys or dogs. The parrots could fly around." I recall the green parrots soaring over a volcanic crater in Masaya, Nicaragua.

1MOA, 1FSA, 2ANI

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0097

2016-2017

2016-11-01

M

A

In bright daylight, with a group of construction workers, I'm sitting on a street curb. As the traffic crawls past, a bus stops directly in front of us. "What a view!" I jest to the man next to me. When the bus engine starts up, it spews black exhaust all over us. The workers grumble, as if to say, "This is how we live." I hold my breath. I squirm and duck to avoid the filthy fumes. I'm running out of air. I'm desperate to breathe. Finally, the bus pulls away and I inhale fresh air.

2MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0098

2016-2017

2016-11-01

M

A

I'm in a crowded room built like a theater-in-the-round. I know the group in attendance. We're here to discuss cases. The lighting, the seating, the atmosphere, it's a bit like Dr. Tulp's anatomy class as painted in 1632 by Rembrandt. At my turn, I say, "The woman was not suggestible." In fact, she liked being listened to, and spoke easily. Others give their opinions. One person disagrees with me. I'm aware that what I've said is shallow, that the patient is a woman I'm dating. There is an apple with teeth marks on a table. Dayl the Vietnamese writer is present. He's wearing a straw hat with a colorful cloth band and a large yellow flower stuck in front. The scene changes. The group is standing at a crowded bar. A doctor says he's discontinuing the antibiotic therapy of several men who are present. He says the drugs are not effective. They contain the same toxins as they did in 1957. The scene changes. It's night. I'm walking to an old empty house. Inside, it's dark and wet and slippery. I imagine falling, and breaking my leg. It will be numb before there is pain. I climb to where another meeting will take place. Someone gives me Dayl's straw hat. I try it on. I say, "This isn't me." Someone asks to see the hat. I hand it to them.

2JKA, 1FSA, 1ISA, 1MOA, 2MSA, 1ISA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0099

2016-2017

2016-11-01

M

A

Two mafia brothers are to be executed. One is apparently shot inside a building. The other still hopes to escape. Wounded, he hobbles down a residential street, which resembles Highland Place. He sees Mafiosi sitting outside a house one block away. They see him too. The wounded man hobbles to a side street. A Mafiosi car draws near. When the wounded man steps into a station wagon, the Mafiosi exit their car, casually aim their rifles, and lay down a furious barrage of fire. I imagine the bullets piercing the station wagon door. I imagine the wounded man trying to evade the barrage.

2MOA, 1MKA, 1MPA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0100

2016-2017

2016-11-01

M

A

Very enthusiastically, I'm talking to Hillary Clinton and one of her aides about a marijuana-like drug. Hillary and her aide ask about its effects. "It can only make you happy," I say. The aide asks another question. I want to avoid the negative response, "I didn't understand what you said," but there's no way around it. Up to that point, I'm happy. The dream repeats itself, this time with less enthusiasm. I tell the aide there are no side effects. The aide asks where to park.

1FPA, 1MOA

HA D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0101

2016-2017

2016-11-03

M

A

After work, a man who is my father gives me a lift home. I get out, walk to a partly frozen river, walk out on the ice, and call to the young Europeans on the other side. They offer fifteen cents for a pack of cigarettes. I shout back, "In the US they cost at least a dollar fifty." They're surprised, but agree to purchase one pack. With a friend, I walk to a store in an area much like a famous amusement park. The man in front of me buys a lotto ticket. I hear the numbers he's playing and write them down. I buy a scratch off ticket, a pack of cigarettes. I'm excited. I'm feeling lucky. There are colorful blinking lights, old fashion entrance trestles, the noise of the amusement rides overhead.

1MKA, 2JEA, 1MSA, 1MKA

HA D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0102

2016-2017

2016-11-03

M

A

I'm in a class room where people receive test results. The teacher walks down the aisle, patting each student on the shoulder, announcing the result aloud. Sternly, in a scolding voice, she says I have cancer. When the class ends, I leave with everyone else. I'm thinking, So this is what will finish me off, and I am not afraid. I consider asking a young woman I know if she can see my scar, but decide to feel the scar with my fingertips. There is a swollen patch of skin at the back of my neck. Once at home, a small two room apartment, I set my blue pack on the floor. I sit at a desk and start my computer.

2JSA, 1FOA, 1FKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0103

2016-2017

2016-11-04

M

A

I'm playing catch with two men in the plaza behind Old City Hall. We've formed a triangle; one man throws the ball to me or my opponent, a young black man, who is big and clumsy, like a man I knew from work. The man who throws the ball has poor aim and continually throws the ball to the black man. I tell him to aim more towards me. Flailing his hands, the black man lumbers left and right trying to catch every ball that's thrown. It's inevitable that we'll collide. I'm frustrated, not angry.

1MSA, 1MKA, 1MKA

AN D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0104

2016-2017

2016-11-05

M

A

I'm talking with several young women at a bar or social gathering. I'm attracted to one woman in particular. She's pretty; her long brown hair, the inviting turn of her mouth, make her sexy. Desire is not the only factor. I'm no longer ruled by impulse, but it's clear she's not interested. Still, it's a friendly group. Or is she interested after all? We leave the bar for a walk outside. It's dark out. The woman has a dog. Brown and black, it's furry, friendly. Somehow it wanders away. When I find the dog, the woman expresses deep thanks. From my heart, I tell her I know how much the dog means to her. I tell her I love dogs too. The woman is so pretty, so lovely. But like the old days, I'm scheming. If not her, there is always her friend.

2FSA, 1FSA, 1ANI

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0105

2016-2017

2016-11-07

M

A

I'm in a room where many young people lie asleep on beds. A nearby woman talks aloud in a dramatic way. She's annoying the man near me, who lies prone on his bed. I say his name. I tell him not to be bothered by her. All the beds begin to move and converge. The prone man, who is handsome, inches toward the woman. There is tension. At any moment, they'll fight. When they are face to face, with violence imminent, they kiss passionately. To give them privacy, I move, bumping up against another woman's arms or legs. Jokingly, I say to her, "What was that? Oh, that's better. Much better. Thank you so much, whoever you are." The first woman and I walk across the street. She's wearing blue slacks. Her straight black hair covers her forehead; like an ancient helmet, it protects each side of her face. As we cross the street she says, "Oh, I know you." I'm initially attracted to her, but she's old, not as beautiful as I first thought.

2JSA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1FSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0106

2016-2017

2016-11-07

M

A

I'm riding on a city bus to downtown near where I went to college in the 1970s. When the driver lets me know to get off, I ask how much further he's going. I want to get closer than where he's stopped. Up to this point he's been friendly. Now he's annoyed and let's me know it. I ask if he's at least going to Berry Street.

1MOA

AN 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0107

2016-2017

2016-11-07

M

A

I'm with a couple who own horses. We're out in the woods, in a small meadow, walking two horses in a wide circle. We take the animals to a small lake. The male owner says it's good for the horses to swim. He says they work hard. They'll enjoy the water. And they do. I've been holding the reins of one horse, and let go. I tell the owner what I've done but he's not worried. The horses swim about. They seem to be playing. One horse becomes too excited. There's a bit of danger. The scene changes. I have one horse in the living room at Highland Place. The other horse may be sick. I'm concerned about the noise; the landlord may hear it in the apartment below. I'm aware that horses can hear one another approaching from a mile away. The horse in the living room lies on the floor. It's become pale and small. Its face is hidden. What will I do when the other horse returns?

2ANI, 1MSA, 1ANI, 1MKA, 1ANI

AP D, AP 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0108

2016-2017

2016-11-07

M

A

I'm in a hospital. I have cancer. A nurse tells me that after I've gained weight they will send me home. Angrily, I tell her, "I'm dying and you're sending me home? That doesn't make sense."

1FOA

AN D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0109

2016-2017

2016-11-08

M

A

I'm on a WWII ammo ship. A Japanese artillery barrage rains down, detonates the ammo, which explodes from bow to stern. An enormous black cloud of thick billowing smoke wells up, obscuring the ruined vessel.

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0110

2016-2017

2016-11-08

M

A

I'm with a group of young people hiking in the mountains. We're staying at a large dorm. It's rustic, like the old Works Progress Administration buildings in national parks. On the way to her room, my former girlfriend Karen walks past. She's wearing dark gray jeans. She doesn't see me. Does she want to be together? I miss her so much. The scene changes. With a dozen young people I'm seated at the far end of a long table. About ten people sit on one side; two or three sit opposite them. I'm so hungry, and the food is at the far end of the table. Finally, it's passed to me, but there's only corn on the cob. Small chunks of wonderfully golden, buttered, crunchy, corn on the cob.

2JSA, 1FKA, 2JSA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0111

2016-2017

2016-11-08

M

A

I'm in the ocean standing on a small rectangular platform made of black gray rock that sits one or two feet above the water, which is calm and dark. In the distance, I can see and hear two or three seals. One seal pops up directly in front of the platform. Now other people are present. Suddenly the seal jumps onto the platform. It's yelping, looking right at me. Does it want food? Should I pet it? Will it bite? The seal looks so friendly, but I'm aware it may bite.

2ANI, 1ANI, 2JSA