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vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0112 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-09 | M | A | I'm in a bedroom freshly painted white that is similar to the bedroom at old home on Highland Place. I lie down but hear something, a man's voice, coming from a radio. I get up to look for the source. There's a ventilation shaft with a wood shutter. The noise is coming from the floor below. I try to jimmy the shutter closed. | 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0113 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-09 | M | A | John N from Vietnam days and I are driving on a winding single lane country road. Overhead, a flat bright sky. A pond with geese to our right. I wonder if the geese fly to other bodies of water. John says yes. He says there's a pond on the other side of the road. | 1MKA, 2ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0114 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-09 | M | A | I'm in a foreign country, possibly India. There are two places to stay. One building has many rooms reached by small winding steps. As I walk up the steps, a small blonde woman squeezes past. I find a room and lay down. Other people are here. Twice, I'm groped by a dim presence. Python or octopus-like, it slowly pins me down, though I manage to break free. The second time, I wake, moaning. In another room, I ask a young American man about fireworks. He introduces me to a Thai woman, a former opera singer. She steps to a wall and begins to sing a low mournful song. The other rooms are a succession of tents made of light blue cloth in the jungle. It begins to rain. I wonder what it's like to stay dry in the tents, where the water is absorbed by the cloth. | 1FSA, 2JSA, 1MSA, 1FEA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0115 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-10 | M | A | I'm in a basement packing for a trip. There are pages of music one person will like. A half-dressed man, who resembles my father, suddenly appears. I say, "Wow." The man has lost weight and gained a physique. He explains that he has just cheated on his diet, that he will be reprimanded. At a meeting he asks me to be his therapist. I say this would not be a good idea, one Nam vet counseling another. | 1MSA, 1MKA, 1MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0116 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-14 | M | A | I'm at a meeting with several people. Inadvertently, each person states their name and branch of service. A thin, handsome, young-looking man, tall with dark hair, identifies himself, then says, "Marines, in the 60s." At my turn, I give my name and say, "Infantry medic, Vietnam, Cambodia 1970. " At the far end of the table sits an attractive woman who resembles Michelle, a therapist I knew. There's a mutual attraction between us and I want to impress her. The scene changes. The woman and I are slow dancing. The Marine asks to dance with her. It's annoying, but each time he asks I keep calm. I tell him we're involved. I tell him the woman and I are falling in love. | 2JSA, 1MOA, 1FKA | AN D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0117 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-14 | M | A | I'm in the front seat of the truck owned by my friend since Vietnam, Walter. We're driving down a road in a working class neighborhood. At first, it's unclear who is driving, causing tension between us. Suddenly Walter speeds up, steering the truck toward a house. We pitch up the steps, and plow into the front door; the upended truck hangs ten feet in the air. As we climb out and drop down, I say to Walter, "Now we'll be arrested." We run down a dirt path. Walter turns to the right. I run forward. I think about returning for my pack, then keep running. | 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0118 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-15 | M | A | I'm playing touch football in a large field similar to Elk Grove Camp I attended in summers as a youth. Everyone is in their twenties. My team has the ball. I anticipate that the opposing team will send a man to rush the quarterback, and step back to block him. At the hike, we try to fake each other out. The quarterback throws me the ball. I run down field, out pacing or dodging the opposing players. Everyone watches as I run toward a playground, where men wait to jump from the swings and tackle me. But my feints succeed. I continue running. Someone says, "I can't believe what a good play this is." Nearing the goal, wondering what gesture to make, I raise one hand in the air. I've done it. I've made a great play that everyone has seen. | 2JSA, 1MOA, 2MSA, 1ISA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0119 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-15 | M | A | With another soldier, I'm walking in the woods, patrolling for Germans. A German civilian will not join us. This happens several times. A platoon wearing black uniforms comes in from patrol. I say, "What's the status?" When they ignore me I repeat the question, adding, "We had activity. What's the status?" The platoon forms a line. I turn to Walter and ask, "What's with actor Nick Nolte?" A reporter present resembles the actor. The black clad soldiers wipe down their weapons. I wonder whether to point my M16 barrel up or down. A ceremony will be held for having bested another unit; the platoon will receive a star. | 1MOA, 2JEA, 1MKA, 1MOA, 1IOA, 2MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0120 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-16 | M | A | A man on an island is captured by natives, who dress him in a prisoner's pelt, harness and tie him to a rock next to a female lion. When the prisoner moves, the lion growls as if to bite. The man yells, "No, don't you even! No!" He is thinking, Is this how it will end? and directs his will to escape. The man frees himself, frees the lion, shoos it away, but the lion stays near the shore line, or tries to crawl between rocks, until it's finally shooed away. A baby lion appears, a small, innocent cub. When it paws the ground to urinate, the man yells, "No! Don't you do that! Don't you do that!" This happens by the shoreline, where the water is calm. | 2MEA, 1ANI, 1ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0121 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-16 | M | A | I'm at a spiritual retreat. The building resembles a college dorm. There are monks here. They give each person a cell phone and a wooden paddle, to be used as a fan. Their only job is to make beds. This is their way to enlightenment. I have a bed in a large room shared with others at the retreat. I see an attractive woman and make conversation with her but she's snooty. Before I leave, I remove my shirt so that when I walk past her in my tight fitting, ripped jeans, everyone will see my athletic body. In an empty room, I unpack my things and rest. I call my father on a black landline phone. We discuss where he will pick me up. I'm indecisive. Finally, I say, "On Osborn Street," where he lived. He says he will be there in thirty-five minutes. I want more time to hang out, to get something to eat. In a worried voice, I say, "One hour?" We lose the connection, but I'm speaking into the wrong end of the phone. | 2MOA, 2JSA, 1FSA, 1MKA | AP D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0122 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-17 | M | A | Prior to a guitar gig, I'm staying at a large hotel. As I go to my room, another musician enters. She's overdressed, wearing a folksy costume and heavy make-up. When I ask her name, she answers in an accented voice, "Uneh." She says, "Give me your number. My musicians need it." I don't understand her request, but accede to it. The scene changes. I'm walking down a wide street, similar to the driveway bordering my grammar school. Twice, I'm clipped by a skateboarder. The third time, I turn to the rider, a woman who resembles my former girlfriend Lucille. I say, "What the fuck? What's going on?" The woman is meek, frail, still beautiful. She used to do everything, she tells me, and tells me the things she once did. | 1FOA, 2JSA, 1FKA, 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0123 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-18 | M | A | I'm in a field much like Sycamore Hill Park. The old gang is gone. A new gang, much younger, has picked sides for a game of touch football. I'm standing, watching them play. The quarterback rears his arm back, whips it forward, launching the ball into the sky. I feel like an outsider. If they ask me to talk or play, I'll stay silent. The scene changes. I'm lying down on the grass next to a pretty girl. We talk about movies. I tell her I don't know that film, I'd need to see a still photo, or see the dialogue. I put my arm around her, gently embrace her. "Are you OK with this?" I ask. "As long as you care for me," she replies. I tell her I do, and hold her close. She nudges her blouse open. I begin kissing her breasts, pull down her jeans and panties, and go down on her. Someone watching would think how quickly it happened. "That was fast," they would say. But I like this girl. I really like her. | 2MKA, 1MOA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0124 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-19 | M | A | I'm in a building similar to the Sycamore Hill Apartments, talking with a woman. She motions that someone is at the door, which is half open. It's a woman named Maryanna, who asks me a favor. In jest, I say, "I'm a virgin." In fact, she's scared of a robber inside the building, and points to the hallway. Just then an old dark black woman with gray processed hair, walks by. She's blind; her eyes are completely white. I walk up to her. In a disguised voice I say, "Hey, I'm putting you under arrest. We've been watching you. Don't move." I motion to Maryanna to call the police. Later, we talk about space travel and mail delivery. Will it be called "interplanetary mail," or simply, "space mail?" | 1FKA, 1FSA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0125 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-21 | M | A | I'm underground in an enormous cave, a passenger riding in a subway which floats high off the ground. After arguing with a passenger, I throw a toy train carriage out the window, hoping the police, who are several hundred feet below, will look up. It's too far to jump out. The scene changes. In darkness, on the ground, I'm talking with a woman sitting in a bleacher. I ask her what movie she and the others are watching. What's it about? She says she isn't sure. It seems like a conflict, in black and white, a silent film. | 1ISA, 1ISA, 2MOA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0126 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-22 | M | A | Attempting to stage an accident, with two young thieves, I jump into a car that hurtles down a road and deliberately crashes into a wall or barricade. The crash is greater than expected. The two thieves are injured or dead. The police are coming. I escape, disguise myself, and hide in a house where a young black man, handsome and light-skinned, talks to me. Suddenly, he appears in a black belt judo gi. I tell him, "A friend of mine is always looking for a sparring partner." The scene changes. I'm changing clothes in an alley outside the house, leaving a large pile of clothes on the ground. Nearby, a happy young boy plays with a paper cup. Twice, he asks, "What's the number for pumpkin?" | 2MSA, 2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 1MSC | HA 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0127 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-23 | M | A | On a beautiful island, hardly touristed, I meet a tall light-skinned black man with processed hair. I know this man. We're neighbors. When I ask where he's been, he says out of the country. We continue with small talk and he invites me to his place for dinner. By the cut of his clothes, his stylish manner, I ask if he's gay. He says yes. Immediately, I tell him I'm straight. "That can be fixed!" he replies. I say, "No," and begin walking away. The black man is apologetic, but I'm walking away. | 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0128 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-24 | M | A | It's dark. I've left a college cafe and head home, but soon get lost in the woods, where it begins to rain. I find my way to a field that resembles a rice paddy. I keep falling down in the water. I'm not angry or afraid. There's a comical quality to my antics, even as close passing cars, racing by, do not see me. I find a country road and walk to a candy store tucked below a hillside. Two husky middle-aged men emerge from a doorway. One appears to be the owner, the other man, a customer. By their manner and appearance each resembles my father, or the type of men he knew. I ask the customer for directions. He's pocketing a gold colored scratch off ticket. "How do I get to city C?" I ask. As he gives me directions, the owner and two other men gather round. The customer, who is mentally slow and friendly, asks me if I worked for the VA. He asks many questions. I say yes, and tell him I worked for the state. Humorously I ask if he worked for the PTA. I ask if he fought in WWII, though it's clear he's not old enough. They're a good bunch, but I half wonder if they'll turn and kill me. | 1MSA, 1MKA, 2MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0129 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-24 | M | A | I've met two black men; they've set up an office in a dilapidated building, where we spend time together. The older man mentors the younger, a tall handsome and light-skinned research scientist, who expands his office to a second area but Spartan, disheveled room. When the scientist shows me where he will place the shelves and desk, I say that I'm happy for him. Offhandedly, in a sinister voice, he says it's time for another amphetamine fuelled weekend. The older man asks if I'll stay. At that moment, everything changes. I say no. That's it. I'm leaving. | 2MEA, 1MSA, 1MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0130 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-26 | M | A | I'm with a platoon on patrol in jungle that resembles the jungle of Song Be, a province in Vietnam our unit patrolled, and the North Mountain Nature Preserve in the USA. A K9 team and a woman accompany us. We move at a fast clip. At some points the jungle thins, then thickens. Overhead, a jet flies constant air support. We're not scared, but there are dinks in the area. The woman believes there were North Vietnamese soldiers a few meters back; she retraces the trail, but not far enough. Suddenly I'm aware that I don't have my M16. I'm terrified, but the grunts don't seem to care. We find two foreign soldiers hiding in the bush and take them prisoner. I run back to find my M16. The scene changes. I'm in the rear. An officer yells at me to pay for the lost rifle. I refuse, yelling, "I want to go back, but I'm not paying for my fucking weapon." The officer throws me in jail; he sends two soldiers to beat me up. When they enter the cell, I fly into a rage, beating them with a small wood bench, with my fists and feet. One man dazed but standing, tries to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" I yell, and grab him by his shirt. I will beat him to a pulp. I will beat him to death. I begin beating him down. | 2MOA, 1FSA, 2MOA, 2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA | AP D, AN D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0131 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-27 | M | A | I'm alone in a penthouse apartment teaching myself to play the trumpet. I accompany myself by recording a track, then replay and record over it. No one can hear me; if they can, I don't care. The music is similar to early Miles Davis. I want to expand it, vary the tune, but can't seem to find the way. | 1ISA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0132 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-27 | M | A | I'm in a bedroom watching a mother trying to coax her young daughter to speak. The woman lays atop the girl, who sits in a child's wagon. The mother is patient, loving; the girl is reluctant to talk. When the mother leaves the room I say to the child, "If you speak, I'll listen." The girl, curled in a corner to avoid me, is silent. Suddenly, she begins talking, as if telling a story. | 1FSC, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0133 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-28 | M | A | In a nearly empty bar out West, I lie on a table, trying to sleep. The only customers are a man and a woman, who lie next to me; they cuddle and chat. The man, brisk and macho, appears to know me. From time to time he seems to speak my name. It's as if he's taunting me. At any moment we will fight. | 1MSA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0134 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-28 | M | A | I've just watched a strip show and lie in bed, talking to a man the next bed over. We're both armed. The man, a member of Al Qaeda, is young and handsome, with erotic blue eyes. At first the conversation is pleasant. Then we argue about the stripper. I tell him, "I'm sorry, Bob. No. That's complete bullshit." He becomes angry, confused. Clearly, at any moment he may kill me. I consider how I will shoot him first. It's in his eyes. They hold hatred. | 1MSA, 1MKA | AN 1MKA, CO 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0135 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-29 | M | A | With other people, I'm on the roof of a building watching an anti-war rally unfold. The street marchers hold placards. One protester holds a painting. Everyone chants anti-war slogans. I'm happy. I'm clapping my hands to the beat of the chants. I'm encouraging everyone to do the same. | 2JSA, 1ISA, 1ISA | HA D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0136 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-29 | M | A | Miss Gerber, my high school English teacher, sits at her desk in front of the adult education class. My glasses make her appear close. She has just asked me what I meant. We stare at each other. She's pretty. Are we flirting? For a moment, we seem to romantically connect. I look away, and answer her question with a half-truth. "Good," she replies, "because tomorrow you'll ask the exam question." | 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0137 | 2016-2017 | 2016-11-30 | M | A | My brother, mother and I are overnight house guests, sleeping on the black carpeted floor. My mother and I inspect white porcelain fish filigreed with gold leaf and shaped like slippers. I want to show my mother the owner's name, which is stenciled in gold inside the slipper. I tell her, "It's here somewhere," but can't find it. Only the word "Florida" is visible. As we prepare to sleep, my mother says, "And tomorrow we're getting up at 2 a.m." I say, "Like hell we are. You don't tell me what to do. What the fuck is that all about?" When she doesn't reply, I say, "Go ahead, be silent." There are no sheets or blankets. I arrange my pants to sleep on them. A young man and I start to get up at the same time. We both have to pee. I motion him to go first. He does the same. I get up to pee. | 1FKA, 1MKA, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0138 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-02 | M | A | I'm walking down a snowy path beside a highway. The snow is high, hard packed, icy, which makes the trek difficult. In addition, I'm wearing my blue backpack, which weighs me down. Out of frustration, I fling off my jacket and pack. Two hundred yards later, I decide to return and fetch them. In the distance, I see a man and his dog walk past my gear. A woman seems to stop and look. I have to get to my things before they are stolen. On the way back I realize I'm wearing my jacket. I hitch a ride in a car resembling a WWII German staff car, sitting in back with a young boy. A father and his other son sit in front. The car has no roof, but wire frames prevent me from jumping out when we approach my things. | 1MSA, 1ANI, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 1MSA | AN D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0139 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-02 | M | A | I'm walking down Lincoln Street to buy a scratch off lottery ticket at the local market. A young black man, wearing a floppy purple hat and fur coat, walks toward me, his face in shadow. As we approach each other, I stare at him. I expect him to ask, "What are you looking at?" If he does, I will kick him in the throat. At the store, I sit on a stool in front of a rack of newspapers, pick up a paper and read the headlines, half blocking the customers who come and go. I get up, walk to the counter, ask the clerk, "Do you have...do you have...any soccer balls?" Behind the counter, a confident Hispanic or Italian looking man listens patiently as I stumble my words, unable to express myself clearly. He has seen this many times. Calmly, but quickly, in a business-like manner, he says, "We don't have any soccer balls." I did not want one, but something like it, but could not describe what it was. I had wanted to play some kind of game. | 1MSA, 1MOA, 1MEA | HA D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0140 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-03 | M | A | I'm on a fire base that was overrun in Cambodia that resembles the open grassy landscape of Fort Sam Houston. Important people have come to visit. A woman asks about the base. Was it always like this? I tell her at first it was all jungle. I point out soldier Sammy C, who flexes his fingers in rage and fear. Soldiers walk the area, on alert for an attack. As the dignitaries approach, I look up the length of a super immense redwood tree. High up, barely visible, a speck of a man. "Sniper!" I yell. "Sniper!" and point to the dark speck against the amber bark. The soldiers raise their rifles and open fire. As the sniper falls hundreds of feet through the air, I begin to methodically clap and shout, "Good...bye...mother...fucker!" When the dead man hits the earth we soldiers whoop and cheer. | 2JSA, 1MOA, 2MOA, 3MSA | AN 1MKA, AP D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0141 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-06 | M | A | Having just finished acting in a Greek play, naked, I walk across a room populated by several spectators. A distinguished looking older woman with long white hair, garbed in white, addresses me. "Mr. X," she says, "except for one small detail, it was a successful performance. If you had omitted the part about the bull with no ears..."She is kind but direct in her faithful critique. | 2JSA, 1FSA, 1ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0142 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-06 | M | A | I'm walking down the street with a young black woman. She is pretty, upbeat, and wears her hair in a large Afro. "You walk fast," I say to her, "but he walks faster." Ahead of us walks Mr. Rogers of TV fame. | 1FSA, 1MPA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0143 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-08 | M | A | I'm in a war zone with another person, possibly my brother, walking along a moonlit, snowy path. We pass a wide-open snow covered field. I say to the other person, "Hey buddy...hey buddy.. .just keep walking." I'm aware that at any moment we may be shot. Each time I say, "Hey buddy..." the other person tries to crowd me off the path. "Hey, buddy... Hey, buddy," I say, pushing back, "Just keep walking." | 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0144 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-10 | M | A | I'm helping someone open a package. It's as if he's teaching me how to do that. Carefully, I use an Xacto knife to cut open the box, which contains an explosive, and another parcel. When the person leaves, I open the parcel, thinking it contains blasting caps. But inside are chocolate roosters on sticks mounted in cardboard. I must re-fold the packaging back together--this package which came from Amazon. | 1MSA, 2ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0145 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-10 | M | A | In the country on a sunny day, I decide to walk down a steep hill to a small variety shop, and leave my blue pack at a crossroad decorated with stones and flowers. I begin walking, then suddenly realize someone might steal my pack. From twenty yards away, I levitate, and fly back to fetch it, then fly to the store. The scene changes. I'm in a car with my dog, who is driving along a city street. There are sirens; cars pull over. I tell my dog to go faster or slower, left or right. The busy street narrows. My brother is confused. I tell him to go straight but he wants to turn left. I say, "But we're going back to the city." | 1ISA, 1ANI, 2MOA, 1MKA | CO 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0146 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-11 | M | A | My brother and I sleep at opposite ends of a bedroom much like the cottage in Green Meadow Lake. Outside, red lights flash. In the dimness, I call to my brother, who does not answer. At the window, I have only a limited view, but there is no police car, no ambulance. I walk upstairs to another room, thinking it's mine. But this sparsely furnished apartment, with its beige rug, dresser and typewriter, much like my grim apartment in years ago in another state, belongs to a woman who is not here. | 1MKA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0147 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-12 | M | A | With two or three people, I talk about climbing trees, and the view from the tree tops. I describe a park to a woman new to the area. It's a good place to climb, I tell her. "Have you been to the oceanfront and amusement park? I ask. She says no. I tell her that a mile from town there is a park that has a lake with ducks. The lake borders on a university. I tell her there is a playground, and wide open spaces, and many trees. I describe the trees in detail, how the branches are rigid, hard, and do not bend. I tell her that when I first visited this park, I thought, "I can shimmy up them, just like in high school," but no, I could not. Two months later, I could. Waking, I say, "You can climb the tree, but you always have to get back down." | 2ISA, 1FSA, 2ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0148 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-12 | M | A | I'm in a school room with Susan E, a noted painter married to a friend of mine. She's involved in a family dispute over inherited jewelry. I ask her the estimated value. To mask the amount, she writes down several numbers on a cardboard cylinder and rotates it until it arrives at the number six. The jewelry is worth six million dollars. She tells me the complex circumstances of the dispute, and what she will do. I tell her that for around two hundred dollars, she can talk with an attorney for about one hour. He will give her good advice. Susan E. is angry, upset, crying. When she rejects my idea, the discussion ends. I grab an armful of men's suit jackets and walk to a classroom that is small and cramped and has only three or four wooden ink well desks. As I stand there wondering what to do, a teacher, a handsome light-skinned black man resembling a famous investigative reporter, Robert Knight, enters the room. He is cheerful, friendly. I extend my hand and tell him my name. | 1FKA, 1MKA, 1MOA | AN 1MKA, SD 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0149 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-13 | M | A | A large presence under the covers lays in bed with me. It is solid black or brown and shaped like an enormous pupa. Every so often it moves against my body; I'm powerless to push it away. I know I'm dreaming, but whatever it is seems real, alive, intelligent. Finally, with great effort, I force myself awake. | 1ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0150 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-13 | M | A | My brother and I are in a large room furnished with 19th century drapes and heavy dark furniture. A play is being performed; we stand close to the stage. A slight breeze ruffles the thick pages of a large book that are brindled like cows. A male actor, dressed in period costume, gives an opening speech. During a pause, softly, I say to him, "Hi." The actor gives me a stern look, then continues. When a second actor arrives, I turn to my brother and say, "Now you try." During a pause, my brother gently says to the actor, "Hi." The first actor scolds us for interrupting the play. All the while, an actress, dressed in a grim gown, a sword at her side, stands imposingly silent. I imagine a play where the actors gradually dispense with lines and blocking, until they improvise the entire event. At first entertaining, under the weight of chaos things fall apart. | 1MKA, 1MOA, 1FOA, 1MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0151 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-14 | M | A | With my brother and two small girls, I'm in a small room shaped like an A frame bird house. Outside, where it's cold, wet and muddy, there is work to be done. We're waiting for my father, in the next room, above us. I ask one of the girls to wake him. She crawls into a round perch hole near the roof of the room and calls to him. "Mr. X...Mr. X," she says. My father answers that he doesn't feel well. "I always have to get your mother coffee in the morning," he says. "This is the only time I can sleep." I'm aware of how true this sounds. How well it describes his character. | 1MKA, 2FSC, 1MKA, 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0152 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-15 | M | A | During a mortar attack, I'm in my bedroom at the house on Highland Place. As the shells drop closer and closer, I wonder, "Where will it hit? Where?" I try to squeeze myself into the earth. I try to disappear. Somehow, I'm in radio contact with my Vietnam friend John N. Neither of us is shouting or afraid. As we talk, I hear the shells falling by him. When the attack is over, I find a two-foot piece of shiny purple plastic with the US Air Force emblem--the tail end of a cold war jet. John N. says it's from an American surveillance plane. "A real souvenir," he says. | 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0153 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-16 | M | A | In the American west, actor-producer Robert De Niro leads another man in destroying a large amount of territory. They stand in front of a tall mesa, where the water soaked earth at its base has begun to collapse. De Nero tells the man to move closer, to complete the decay. As he does so, the muddy soil, like a melting glacier, suddenly buckles, creating an earthen avalanche that threatens to swallow the two men, who run for their lives. | 1MPA, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0154 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-16 | M | A | I'm a guest in an old mansion. The spirit of a boy, crying for help, comes running up the steps to my room. "I have stuff all over my face," he says. "Help me. Help." It's dark. I have to find the light switch that I know doesn't work, and turning it on wouldn't help; the boy is invisible. The spirit says ugly punks did this to him, then he runs back downstairs. | 1MSA, 2MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0155 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-16 | M | A | I own a horse and am learning to ride it in the open land out West. My dog is with me. I want to tie her to the horse with my green nylon cord, but the horse says it's too short. Even when I double the length, it's short, so I abandon the idea. Sometimes I let the horse go and it runs far away, kicking it's heels, rippling its neck and head, happy and free. | 1ANI, 1ANI | HA D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0156 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-17 | M | A | My brother and I are in our bedroom on Highland Place. He's asleep; I'm awake. My brother has a vagina and I mount him, attempting to make love, but my mother will enter to wake us soon, and I stop. Today we're going on a camping trip. I should pack but I really want to stay home this weekend, to just hang out. A woman enters our room, mistaking it for the bathroom. I make a sardonic remark and she leaves. Then Richard, the program coordinator from the Joiner Center, enters. He's here for the camping trip, and going to Australia too. When I ask which part, he says, "Speakers." "How long will we camp?" I ask. Richard says just for a day or two. I say to myself, "It's such a long drive for so little time away." | 1MKA, 1FKA, 1FSA, 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0157 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-17 | M | A | I'm with several criminals walking up a steep road in a wealthy suburban neighborhood. While talking with the men I realize I'm not wearing underwear. I walk quickly up the hill, returning with ten pair, black, though not the brand I typically wear. I talk to a short, scrawny, bare-chested man who resembles my boyhood friend Larry R. I tell him to reach for a tree branch as if performing tai chi, and show him how. I don't like him, and there is tension between us. I talk with a burly, pitted-face assassin who is wearing a suit and holding a balled pair of black socks in one hand. He's threatening. There is tension between us. The scene changes. Actor Paul Newman lies in a queen sized bed with an old man, who he asks to guard his .45 pistol. Newman hands the gun to the old man, tells him to put it under the covers near his foot. The old man takes the gun but is careless. Where did it go? Paul Newman looks under the covers, then the two men wrestle for control. They become entangled. At one point Paul Newman's head is caught provocatively between the old man's legs. After Newman recovers the weapon, two beautiful, young lesbians, wearing sport bras and panties, lie down in the bed and make out. Paul Newman reaches around the woman nearest him and begins to finger her vagina. The entire scene is a movie being filmed. When the action is stopped, Newman continues to finger the woman. The three of them enjoy the foreplay. | 2MOA, 1MKA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 2FSA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0158 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-19 | M | A | I'm in my second floor apartment on Longborn Street in the town I lived in from 2001 to 2012. My father is in the narrow stairwell, handing me clothes, telling me what to do. He's worried, anxious. I say to him, "Don't bother me. I'm just putting away clothes." He saunters off. I don't care if he's hurt. I realize that's how it's done; speak your feelings in the moment. Don't hold them inside. In the background, I hear my mother arguing. | 1MKA, 1FKA | AP 1FKA, AP 1FKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0159 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-21 | M | A | I'm at an office in the town I lived in from 1982 to 1984, speaking with a medical doctor about new medical records that I've obtained. I want to file them with my existing records and ask another doctor how that's done. He doesn't know, but asks me questions: What category would the records be filed under? What last name? Was I in the military? In another office, I speak with an older Italian female clerk. She's puzzled by my query. Finally, I ask her where is the main hospital located in the town. The Italian woman says she doesn't know. I look it up on my cell phone. It's one or two miles away from here heading west. | 1MOA, 1MOA, 1FEA | CO 1FKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0160 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-21 | M | A | On a bright sunny day, I walk with my dog along a wide, hilly corridor of grassy land bordering a highway. I pass oak trees cut and stripped to six feet high for no apparent reason. Suddenly, in the distance, I see enormous amber colored buttes that reach into the sky. "Wow," I say. A hundred yards to the right, in a thicketed tree line, a man calls to his friend, "There's a UFO in here!" His friend emerges from the nearby woods. But where is my dog? "Rusty...Rusty," I call to her. Is she lost? Ten minutes later she emerges from a straw covered marsh, frisky, wagging her tail. The two men are approaching. I want to leave. | 1ANI, 1MSA, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0161 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-22 | M | A | With several friends, I'm watching hawks ride the thermals. Suddenly the great birds shift their bodies, tilt back until upright, like the eagles on the reverse side of Washington quarters. I say to my friends, "Look, it's like they're hovering." There is something about these two hawks; they have intelligence. I fly up towards them, but the hawks, hovering in the clouds, or vertically flying fast, stay out of reach. | 2IKA, 2ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0162 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-23 | M | A | I'm walking up a pitch-black stairwell with my brother, who's drunk or very sad. It's nearly impossible to see where we're going. From the top of the stairs, pounding music blasts from an open apartment door. It's dark inside but light escapes from beneath the closed bathroom door. I knock on the walls several times. I yell, "Hello...anyone home?" But my voice is weak; I'm unable to talk loud. A young tenant, who resembles computer expert Edward Snowden, opens the bathroom door. I say, "Turn it down, man." He's friendly, obliging. "OK. Sure," he says. My brother and I leave and walk to my apartment. When we arrive I say, "Karen (my former girlfriend), I just want you to know that I love you." | 1MKA, 1MSA, 1FKA | SD 1FKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0163 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-24 | M | A | It's night. From the bottom of a hill I'm crawling up a narrow spiral tunnel. My coat and canteen continually snag on the hard dirt walls. I'm frustrated and get lost. Crawling backwards, containing my fear, I decide to descend. When I emerge in the dark, I run down from the hilltop. Two young women I know, a blond and brunette, are waiting. The blond woman wears a full- length denim jacket with many zippers. I say, "Just like Michael Jackson." I say, "Guess who I have a date with?" The women are excited, curious to know who it is. I tell them, "Melinda," my Honduran friend. | 2FKA, 1MPA, 1FKA | AN D, AP D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0164 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-26 | M | A | It's night. I'm in a road tunnel, standing behind a curve in the wall, shooting an automatic weapon at someone fifty meters away. I aim the bullets at the road, hoping the ricochets will hit them. They return fire. I hear roaring gun shots, see flashes of light. I have endless ammo but can't see my targets. In the darkness, I shoot at people running past. The scene changes. In my darkened bedroom, I mount from behind and make love to a large shapeless creature, a body of black jelly, male or female, I can't tell. I talk to it, tell it my desires. | 1ISA, 2JSA, 1CZZ | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0165 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-26 | M | A | I'm a guest in a house with three gay men. They've just redecorated the bedroom where I'm to sleep. The once bare floor is covered in yellow fabric that blankets the walls half way to the ceiling. The bed has been pulled away from the back wall, not flush, as it was before. A Siberian husky sleeps beneath a cubby-like shelf. Sitting on the bed, talking with someone, I reach awkwardly back to pet the dog; it prefers to be let alone. A man across from me watches as I undress in the dark, struggling to pull my pants off, which continually catch at my ankles. In the next room, a smiling Japanese girl with a black stick-like prosthetic arm shows me a primitive drawing she's made. With effort, I tell her it's good. Her proud mother and sister show me a device the girl uses to assist her. I say, "Oh, it can project." Too late, I realize that's not what it's for. | 2MSA, 1ANI, 1MSA, 1FEA, 1FEA, 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0166 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-26 | M | A | An old ex-convict has an influence over me. When asked to write down my social security number, at first I refuse. Ultimately, the first digit I write down is false. Very slowly, I say, "I'm not sure why, but it's connected to you." | 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0167 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-27 | M | A | It's dark. I wake up in the living room of our neighbors (Mr. and Mrs. M, when I was a boy) in their house at 55 Birch Street; several people are perched on stools or sit on chairs. Carefully, I try but can't see past the long curtains of the front window into the lamp lit street. A car pulls up. I step back, walk near Mrs. M and say, "I couldn't sleep past 4 a.m." She replies, "I always go to sleep by ten." Outside, several people, formally dressed, walk by, to a party or gathering. I say to Mrs. M, "It went by so fast." I'm thinking of our lives, how they're coming to an end. | 1MKA, 2JSA, 1FKA, 2JSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0168 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-27 | M | A | It's night. My friend Walter from Vietnam days and I are sleeping in a tent in the jungle. With a flashlight beneath the blanket, I read long thin strips of paper, the words a mix of English and phonetic Chinese. I'm concerned about the light. I turn it off so the North Vietnamese soldiers won't see it. The scene changes. Walter and I are in my bedroom. Someone knocks at the door. I have fear. I say, "Don't answer it, Walter. Wait till I get my gun." I search in the bureau for my forty-five pistol. Where is it? Who's at the door, friend or foe? | 1MKA, 2MOA, 1ISA | AP D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0169 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-28 | M | A | A woman asks me about my first social work internship after graduating from social work school in 1984. I tell her that given the particular type of patient it was remedial casework. She asks if the agency is still the same. I tell her it's probably different now, but when I was there, "I could have been wiping assholes." | 1FSA, 2IOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0170 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-29 | M | A | I'm in a very large classroom, much like school I attended for fourth grade in Resort Town in 1959. At the blackboard, the male teacher, who wears a suit and tie, outlines his lesson, A...B...C...D with a piece of chalk. All the students obediently take notes. After a time, I have to pee. I get up from my chair, leave the classroom, walk down the old stairwell. But where is the bathroom? Seeing that I'm unsure where to go, a teacher points to a floor number above an exit. "It's easy," he says, in a gently mocking tone. Outside, in the large schoolyard, spaced several meters apart, I see four or five urinals, each with a raised stepping stone directly in front of it. But I'm barefoot, and each stone that I walk past is wet with urine. Finally, I stand behind one stone and pee. To my great surprise, the stream is powerful, and several feet long. | 1MOA, 2JOA, 1MOA | CO D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0171 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-30 | M | A | I'm standing alone in a large familiar room rented to hold a dance, which appears to be ending. As people depart, a short, brown-haired, boyish looking man, wearing a suit and tie, grabs my arm and tries to hustle me out. I push back, grab his neck, thoroughly rough him up. The boyish man begins to cry. I walk him to a corner and ask, "What were you trying to do?" I tell him I think he wanted me out because I frighten people. I tell him it's true. I've been to war. I frighten people. I tell him that's what he's not saying, but I've heard it many times. At first, I was angry at him, but now I'm not. As I walk toward a group of people a wolf attacks and tries to bite me, to drag me down. I have no fear and fight back, punching the wolf as it bares its teeth, grabbing its snout, banging its head and body against a wall. Afterward, I rejoin some people at a crowded bar. "Do you have my check?" I ask someone I know. "Quite a night, huh?" I say to someone who helped me, who was also attacked. | 2JSA, 1MSA, 1ANI, 2JSA, 1IKA, 1IKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0172 | 2016-2017 | 2016-12-31 | M | A | While reading a magazine at an airport, I strike up a conversation with a familiar looking man. He's bald, with a wide oval face, broad forehead, high cheekbones, a narrow angular chin. Though not conventionally attractive, there is something appealing about his plain Midwestern looks. In fact, his photos are in the magazine. I wonder about his lack of hair, the tell-tale ripples that cover his scalp. Jokingly, I ask if the baldness is fake, a form of Hollywood make-up. But no, he says, that's him. "Why haven't I heard of you before?" I ask. The bald man begins to tell me his life story. In addition to modeling, he makes money stripping. I wonder if he's gay. If he's hitting on me. How can I help this man? I tell him I could mention him on my website, though only a few hundred people would see it. "What with the economy the way it is, that would be very good," he says. He's desperate. It shows in his face and voice. As he continues talking, I check my watch. I don't want to miss my plane. | 1MSA, 1MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0173 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-01 | M | A | I'm the teenage friend of a short scrawny black youth. We meet at a vacant city lot, our usual rendezvous, hoping to find our way into a nearby strip show, but today the usual route is blocked. Construction workers have built a beam too high; we can't climb to the roof. The black teen says it doesn't matter. From a car accident, he has titanium in his skull, arms and legs. But he's afraid of being caught. People will kill him for the metal if they know it's inside him. Instead, he takes me to a dungeon-like basement where he works. The next time I see him, a wide black leather band encircles his chest. He says he's busy now, setting bones in place, and keeps walking. An old, heavy-set black man ambles up to me. He asks what I'm doing here. I tell him I'm just about to put on my clothes and leave. Outside, on a hill overlooking a large field of dry grass, a young white man yells at his tan dog to obey his commands. After putting its paws on the man's head, the dog whimpers. I say, "I don't need to see this," and walk away. Back at the city lot, I meet a group of happy black kids, mostly boys. Taking their hands, I run across the grassy field, challenging them to keep up. A belligerent boy, tall and thin. with long skinny legs and large spiteful eyes, stares at me. "Oh yeah?" he says, and easily sprints ahead. | 1MKA, 2MOA, 1MSA, 1ANI, 2MSA, 1MSA | AN 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0174 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-02 | M | A | I'm with my former girlfriend Karen at a college cafeteria. I tell the cashier, a medical doctor, "I want a carton of eggs." "What do you mean?" he asks. I tell him, "I want fresh eggs. I've done this before." He asks how I want them cooked. "You don't understand. I want eggs in a carton to take to my room." The doctor puts his hand to his chin, looks up, turns his head, as if thinking the matter through. I tell Karen, "I've stumped a doctor." A person nearby says the doctor is very bright, very busy, and known to be rude. In fact, he's been disciplined for rudeness. At first surprised, I understand the doctor has played a joke on me. If a hearing is held, I will press charges against him. | 1FKA, 1MOA, 1ISA | CO D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0175 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-02 | M | A | In a forest, with my mother and brother, I'm holding a small white dog or seal pup with the face of a Labrador Retriever. We're standing in the rain, impatient for someone we know to bound up the beige colored trail, smooth and hard packed, as if for a movie. I say, "They did that. The water isn't pooling. It's flooding the path." When the person appears and heads toward us, I say, "He's going to slip and fall...now." But the person does not fall, and the four of us run in the rain up a hill toward a shelter. Reaching a patch of dry, bleached earth, I set the animal down to walk on it's own. But the animal, sick, or weak, or afraid, does not move; after cries and whimpers, it talks to me. With deep feeling I say, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sorry. What can I do?" The animal says to be gentle. I've handled it without care. | 1FKA, 1MKA, 1ANI, 1MKA | SD D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0176 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-02 | M | A | I'm sitting in an aisle seat in a small darkened and nearly empty theater. My left knee juts into the aisle, but not too far. On the screen, a clever cartoon parodies cartoons. I comment aloud on how funny it is. In the first scene of the feature film, a mock musical, young men and women dressed in costumes similar to the film "Grease" walk from a baseball infield, which is painted on the floor, to a facsimile dug out. The young women wear pink dresses. "I get it," I say, "It's roller baseball." As the movie unfolds, a woman asks to sit in my aisle. Raising up to let her pass, I see that the theater is nearly full, and that a young woman is beside me. "You were sitting here all this time," I say to her. She says yes, and describes the noises and gestures I have made while watching the cartoon and movie. The people behind us, mostly young women, watch and listen as we talk. The woman next to me, who is thin, with luxurious brown hair, is not particularly attractive, but she is happy, vibrant, sincere, qualities which make her quite appealing. I'm aware that our voices might disturb the audience; I imagine a confrontation. I turn around, and begin to yell, "Gun...gun!" and shoot the man who has tapped me on the shoulder to be quiet. The audience stampedes. I lay down in the aisle, playing wounded or dead. But someone who has witnessed the event may decide to shoot me. Better to shoot the man and continue talking to the woman, as the movie continues uninterrupted. | 2JSA, 1FSA, 2JSA, 1MSA, 1ISA, 1ISA | HA 1FKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0177 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-03 | M | A | A grim army slogs through Sycamore Hill Park, which is covered in two feet of snow. At first we march down a path of thick frozen ice, but the path becomes a small canal of clear icy water. Trudging through it, I look ahead and say to myself, "Get used to it. This is winter in the North." The scene changes. I'm inside an enormous hollowed out log with several men in costumes and made up to look like cavemen or savages, but who talk and act normally. As the log slides forward it creates a walkable path through the thick ice and snow. When the log comes to a stop, we're covered in mud. A man says to get out. | 2MOA, 2MSA, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0178 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-04 | M | A | While riding up an escalator in a busy department store I see Justina, pretty, carefree, she waves hello; approaching to talk, she looks at my forehead. "Do you have baby stains?" she asks. What does she mean? Bird droppings? My own excrement, or that of someone else? As J smiles, I behold the elegant halo of her curly brown hair, the allure of her clear almond eyes, her maiden-like skin and lips. By the tone of her voice, the touch of her hand, she is radiant, loving and maternal as she dabs away the thing upon me. | 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0179 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-05 | M | A | In broad daylight, in a residential neighborhood, two criminal gangs are shooting it out. I watch as a hooded man enters a house, looks out the front window, wondering where his foes are. In the stillness, a shot rings out, hitting the man in the chest or gut. Moments after he falls to the ground, a truck smashes into the room, crushing him. Two large hillbillies, wearing jeans and sweat shirts, emerge from the truck to look for the body. Deep in a pile of dry leaves, I lie on my back, hoping they won't see or hear me. | 2MSA, 1MSA, 2MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0180 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-05 | M | A | I've turned off a wearable blood monitor. My cell phones rings. It's L the receptionist at the VA clinic in the town I lived in from 2001 to 2012. "Have you been using your blood monitor?" she asks. "No. I had it turned off," and I tell her the reason. "I'll be turning it on soon." I say these things aloud, while sleeping. | 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0181 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-05 | M | A | I'm at a museum with a Chinese woman. We're admiring a beautiful red and green abstract painting. She asks me what it's about. I tell her the subject is Quan Yin, and that many people misunderstand her, thinking she is... "...Old," says the Chinese woman. "But she's not old," I say. "She's infinite." Upon reflection I say, "And old, too." The Chinese woman smiles. All these things I say aloud upon waking. | 1FEA, 5FPA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0182 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-05 | M | A | At the last stop I get off a large black city bus, walk around it, and witness a curious site. A young woman, somewhat flat-chested, similar to last night's waitress, reunites with two children, who emerge from the forest. They've broken free from their captor, who staggers about. The tearful woman embraces the children, kisses them. I imagine kissing this woman; despite her small breasts, she's caring and strong. | 1FSA, 2ISC, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0183 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-06 | M | A | I'm at a hectic big-city subway stop. Latino and Asian imposters, dressed as electrical workers, have surrounded the token booth and turnstiles with a chain link fence. To enter, they charge passengers three dollars cash, making money hand over fist. Angered, I walk up the street, looking for police. I think I've spotted one, but no, it's a man in an Air Force uniform. Heading back to the station, I sense a commotion behind me. I turn around; in the distance, a long fire hose. From its brass nozzle, water streams skyward, up tall buildings, then falls upon me. A policeman arrives and arrests a large rabbit spray-painted blue and red. The frightened animal pleads with the cop, it's done nothing wrong. When the policeman leans close to the rabbit, the rabbit bites his nose. | 2MEA, 2MOA, 1MOA, 1ANI | AN D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0184 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-06 | M | A | In 18th century England, I'm with another man in a small high ceilinged book shop. Painted clouds and blue sky decorate the tops of each wall. The owner, an elderly man wearing a wig, short pants and waistcoat, declaims about our enemy, the Japanese, who've made a linguistic breakthrough, and they are headed this way. The elderly man becomes unsteady. He speaks gibberish and nearly faints. The other man and I brace him, then decide to locate a room for the next two nights. Afterward, we'll leave the country. We talk with an inn keeper; unsure whether to stay at his lodge, or commute between him and the book shop. There is tension, since the Japanese are coming, and will seek us out. | 1MSA, 2MEA, 1MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0185 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-07 | M | A | A steam locomotive train, packed with Civil War soldiers, speeds through the countryside. In the summer heat the men have removed their heavy shirts. Packed tightly into the railroad cars, thrilled to be heading home, we ignore the sullen guards posted to each carriage. My friend Walter from Vietnam and I stand together in the front car. As he plays his harmonica, I ask him, "Why don't you play Camptown Races?" When Walter begins playing the jongleur's tune, almost immediately the entire train of exhausted filthy men erupts into song. Above their beautiful voices, past the singing clatter of the railroad tracks, the singer and actor Paul Robeson's resolute voice sweetly sings the minstrel tune. | 2MOA, 2MOA, 1MKA, 1MPA | HA D, SD 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0186 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-08 | M | A | I'm in an Army barrack crowded with young recruits, gear and bunks. Everyone watches as I fight with a man who is helpless before me. It's as if I knew karate, judo or kung fu. Each time my opponent tries to hit or grab me, I counter by hitting, or lifting, or throwing him down. "C'mon, motherfucker," I say, "c'mon," as I taunt, and hit and throw him down. The packed barrack is flush with excitement. How long before the sergeant arrives? As my opponent wearies, it seems natural to relent, but instead, I step up the attack, hectoring him with merciless blows, kicks and curses. It's immensely satisfying. | 2JOA, 1MOA | HA D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0187 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-09 | M | A | I'm one of several passengers in a small plane flying high above the rice paddies. Everyone is excited, nearly festive. From this height, the land has a retro video game quality. It's two dimensions are flat, and composed of hundreds of small colored squares. I lean out the side door window to watch the falling bombs. As the plane speeds forward, the first bombs disappear from view, as if headed off course. They reappear, falling faster, closer to earth, narrowing on their targets. Suddenly, hundreds of bombs begin to explode and the paddies light up like a fireworks display. But instead of bursts of orange flames and black smoke, or circular shock waves and smoke filled craters, on the grid of tiny squares the destruction is simulated in bright pastels of blue and green. Somehow, I hear the shrieks and chaos as the peasants and villages are engulfed in flames. I say, "I can't look at this," and crawl back into the cabin, where the passengers are transfixed by the horrible site. Someone says, "It's like a giant sequoia." | 2JSA, 2JEA, 1ISA | AP 2JSA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0188 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-09 | M | A | I'm attending a social function in a large white room. My chest distends in a bulbous mass two feet from my body. My belly has grown grotesquely round and large. Is it weight gain or some insidious disease? I want to know. I don't want to know.<span style="display:none;">[93]</span> | null | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0189 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-10 | M | A | At night in a forest, a soldier on a firebase receives military honors. A clumsy man, he's gotten lost on patrols, but even as he stumbled and fell along forest trails he evaded the enemy. To his credit, he created or discovered something of great military value, and for this he is honored. As the ceremony concludes, the enemy commander, Joseph Stalin, as if in a comic strip, flies directly overhead. With supreme contempt, he fires a burst of energy at our commander, TV host Jimmy Fallon. Ignoring all danger, Stalin flies directly over Jimmy, as if to say, "You have no idea how advanced we are. You are completely outmatched." | 1MOA, 5MPA, 1MPA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0190 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-10 | M | A | At a party held on a mountain, I'm seated at a table overlooking a wide lush valley. Several available women are present, including Debbie M, a former neighbor on Highland Place, who sits near by. There is an awkward silence between us; I'm avoiding her glance. Instead, I'm completely taken by a captivating woman who resembles Liz L., my first love from long ago. She is lively, carefree; I can't take my eyes off her. And this woman, sitting with a man whom she loves, remarks that whenever they see each other, they have sex. She says this without guilt or conceit. I much admire her for these qualities. | 2FSA, 1FKA, 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0191 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-11 | M | A | It's night. We're being hit by artillery and machine gun fire. Dozens of men, spread out on the ground, hug the earth for cover. Far ahead, a rescue chopper has landed. All around us, the shells explode, white tracers and lightning illuminate the pitch black sky. I'm worried that if I crawl forward I'll be shot in the head. What to do? What? I make up my mind and crawl forward. | 2MSA | AP D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0192 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-11 | M | A | In a crowded white room many people rise from sleep. We're gathered here to depart for a trip. My brother and an older Asian man with bushy gray hair, possibly by author friend Nguyen, who works at the William Joiner Center, are nearby. They've chosen to be drunk. My brother talks gibberish. The Asian man, pretending to be a mouse, lies curled on the floor and makes squeaking sounds. My mother enters the room. "Alright, everyone," she says, "I'm going to get clothes. I'll be back in fifteen minutes. Start getting dressed." I get up and open the draws of a pine bureau. The white towels are in disarray. Try as I might, I can't fold one properly. | 2JSA, 1MKA, 1MEA, 1FKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0193 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-12 | M | A | I join a roomful of soldiers, 25 to 30 years old, who sit around a table discussing each others emotional make up. When it's my turn, a soldier resembling Matt Taibbi sums up my participation in the group.<span style="display:none;">[98]</span> In a friendly but firm manner he says that I never talk about myself. He mentions my remarks on Joe D.<span style="display:none;">[99]</span> It's a friendly group and I don't feel threatened, but my initial reply is sardonic. Waking, I say, "Well, I think part of it is..." and I'm aware of my faults the group knows to be true. | 2MOA, 1MOA, 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0194 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-12 | M | A | A young black woman and I discuss how to organize a grass roots movement. In particular, how to speak to crowds at demonstrations. The woman stresses her ideology. "You have to express your feelings," I say to her. "If it's just the facts, people get bored." The scene changes. I'm riding with three or four people on a small yellow school bus. I'm aware that an old woman with white hair, petite, thin and fragile, excites me. She has a speech impediment, and seems disabled. We don't speak. After a time the driver pulls to the side of the road. We have to wait, he says. This is a charter bus, and according his contract, during civil rights demonstrations he cannot drive. As he speaks, I point to the passing cars and trucks. I tell him there are no demonstrations, and that not driving makes no sense. The driver exits the vehicle to buy items at a candy store under an elevated subway across the street. I exit the bus, cross the street and peek in the shop window. An attractive woman, wearing a flouncy dress, begins dancing to 1960s pop music with a man in a black suit, white shirt and bow tie. The woman is hectic and ungraceful. Back in the bus, the driver gives a weak excuse for why we can now go on our way. Before he left, I said I would get off and find a local bus, and imagined a long arduous journey. | 1FEA, 2JSA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0195 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-13 | M | A | It's daylight. I'm part of an airplane crew testing a new weapon, firing it while on the runway. We're attacked, and the new weapon will not fire. I scramble out of the plane and activate the weapon, yelling into the radio handset, "Direct fire!...direct fire!"<span style="display:none;">[100]</span> A sudden bright flash grows increasingly brighter. The weapon is out of control. The intense light sweeps toward us. At any moment we'll be immolated by the intense heat. | 2MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0196 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-13 | M | A | I begin riding a bicycle around a large circular track, confident that I will overtake the other riders. My cycling is smooth, strong, graceful. However, as we come into the stretch the peleton pulls even further ahead. Cycling off the track, I bike down a steep narrow alley, confident of my skills to avoid danger. At the last second I stop at a blind corner, by inches avoid being hit by a car. | 2JSA, 1ANI | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0197 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-14 | M | A | At night, on my hands and knees, I crawl up a large dangerous hill composed of ruined buildings made from white bricks. The area has the look and feel of Barrio Casamata.<span style="display:none;">[101]</span> At any moment I may be shot. Exhausted, I reach the summit, roll over the edge to safety, and stand in front of the apartment of Muhammad Ali. Ali opens a glass door and welcomes me inside. I'm bare-chested and fit. The champ, punching a heavy bag, is young, handsome, ebullient. "Here, I made a drawing for you," he says, and hands me a booklet composed of well-drawn simple human figures which convey happiness. As I turn the pages, a picture story unfolds. A man and a woman--my wife and I--are in bed. Ali joins us, followed by his wife. In the final scene, four people, a joyful family, only their heads visible, snuggle beneath the blanket. This is how Ali sees the world. | 1MPA, 1FKA, 1FSA, 2JSA | HA 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0198 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-16 | M | A | I'm walking down a stairwell in my grammar school, talking to Jay K, suggesting he have his teeth cleaned.<span style="display:none;">[102]</span> Jay asks what's involved. I explain that the dentist will scrape debris from between his teeth, then polish them. Jay asks if that's all that's done. I tell him 'yes' that's it. With anger and contempt Jay says that's good, because a dentist inserted a small lab in his mouth that contained mouthwash, and when it ran dry he had the lab removed. It's then that I realize that a female dentist, while discreetly palming objects in her hand, had done the same procedure on me. When I close my jaws to activate the mouthwash, nothing happens. I'm alarmed that the lab must be removed. | 1MKA, 1MOA, 1FOA | AN D, AP D |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0199 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-17 | M | A | In the game room on the top floor of a large school building, I sit on a tall wooden bench reading a book by John Williams.<span style="display:none;">[103]</span> The room has the look and feel of my grammar school's gym. A policeman enters. He seems to recognize me and asks a one word question that's hard to hear. I answer in Spanish, then realize he's asked if I'm from Salem, and answer, "Si...Si. After the cop leaves I hear the approaching whistle of a train and ask Dave Cline, "Is that the last train?" Cline?<span style="display:none;">[104]</span> He say yes, and I race down a stairwell, forgetting my green Army field jacket and book, thinking someone will likely take them. Several times I go up and down the steps, unable to decide whether to catch the train or return for my things. Lost, I walk into another game room where three heavy set young men stand around a pool table playing billiards. I ask one of them for directions to the room I had left. | 1MOA, 1MKA, 1MSA, 2MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0200 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-19 | M | A | At night, at a beach side motel, I'm lying in bed, staying with friends. Phyllis R enters my room, maker her way to the bed, then suddenly pounces on top of me.<span style="display:none;">[105]</span> I push her away and scold her. She's incensed and wants to leave. I tell her, "It's all about the tease, Phil. It's all about the tease." Hovering over me in her loose fitting pajamas, she decides to stay. We begin to neck and slip off our clothes. A nurse enters and leaves the room. I ask, "Do we have privacy?" Phyllis says no, but at the hospital where she works, in an hour a room will be available. A woman is having an operation there. She's read the plans. Preparing to make love, I kneel behind Phyllis as she presents her derriere. We've abandoned privacy. | 2IKA, 1FKA, 1FOA, 1FSA, 1FSA | AN 1FKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0201 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-19 | M | A | I'm at a country resort with my family, behind my father as we walk up a crowded trail. He's concerned about debts. I think, "Oh, please. How old are you, eighty? You're going to die soon." But I realize it's a matter of dignity. When we reach the main grounds, where many people gather and mill about, my father hands out money. First, to my cousin Marna, a few dollars not covered by the insurance. Next, he fans out $100 dollar bills, and asks, "Where's Jerry?" his older brother. As my father walks away a severe looking older black man jokes, "I thought he would only give Jerry five dollars!" My mother is concerned about the money she is spending to support the family on this trip. She asks if my brother has left receipts. She asks to see my pocket notebook. Next time, I will lie that I don't have one. | 2JKA, 1MKA, 2JSA, 1FKA, 1MSA, 1FKA | AP 1MKA |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0202 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-20 | M | A | It's dark and rainy and my high school friend Sylvester and I rendezvous at a long rectangular ceremonial tent to play basketball. However no one is here, and the tents low roof makes play impossible. "Is there any open sky?" Sylvester says yes, and we both run pell-mell through the long pitch-black tent. Then we are lying on the grassy ground; I'm embracing Sylvester, spooning him. Repeatedly I ask, "What do you want?" But the question is for me. I want Sylvester to undo my belt, unzip my fly, pull down my pants and stroke me. | 1MKA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0203 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-21 | M | A | I'm in a city in El Salvador, and have the ability to jump down from great heights without injury.<span style="display:none;">[107]</span> Inside a busy supermarket, near the exit, from where I'm standing on a ledge, I easily drop down one story. To break and guide the descent as I slowly fall through the air, I grab the edges of reams of printing paper. Outside, I jump down a large pile of mattresses or similar objects, stepping rapidly from edge to flexible edge. As I descend, a middle-aged woman caught in slow moving traffic stares at my athletic body. I think, "Good, check me out." Behind the supermarket, I comb through a pile of rubble. The classified section of a newspaper has an article on Los Desaparecidos but there no text.<span style="display:none;">[108]</span> A body has been found and discreetly removed. | 1FSA, 1ISA, 1ISA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0204 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-21 | M | A | I'm a 1st class passenger on a train, lying down, reading a profile about my Vietnam tour. The eight to ten pages are typed on expensive bond paper. A middle aged couple, educated, accomplished, self important, sit down next to me. The man wears a luxurious dark blue overcoat and black scarf. The woman is fashionably dressed, her hair is formally styled. She reads a magazine article about food and tells her husband the names of restaurants which cook and present meals to her liking. Inadvertently I put the Vietnam profile on the mans swept back and neatly combed hair. Immediately I remove it, but say nothing. I hope he's seen it. I hope he's seen that I'm a Vietnam vet. | 1MSA, 1FSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0205 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-23 | M | A | I've organized a Special Forces team of assassins. On the way to the house of the first person to be killed, we're discovered and flee. | 2MOA, 1ISA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0206 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-23 | M | A | Someone is sent to frighten me, to assault me. They bash the door jam. They rip open the door. Through a bedroom door window I see a heavy set middle-aged white man enter the house. We grapple on my bed. Repeatedly, I punch him in the kidney. "Does that hurt?" I ask. But he's letting me hit him. | 1ISA, 1MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0207 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-23 | M | A | It's summer. I'm at Ivy Hill Park, where hundreds of people are present for the birthday party of either my girlfriend or wife. I've arranged for the land to be set on fire. When the fire is blazing, the signal will be given to sing "Happy Birthday." The flames pick up speed and height. They begin to roar, breaking out in small patches of dry grass. At first the people are unsuspecting. Then the fire runs out of control. I begin singing "Happy Birthday" but it's too late. In the retreat, the man in charge, who is young, handsome and thin, calmly asks, "So, what do you think?" I tell him we should have begun singing sooner. | 2JSA, 1FKA, 1MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0208 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-23 | M | A | I'm on a firebase that's being attacked. A chopper lands, but it's difficult to scramble aboard. Finally, with other grunts I hop on the trembling bird. The heavy fighting continues. It's like a movie, larger than life. As the bird lifts off I wonder if we'll be shot down. To another grunt I say, "The last time I flew..." and tell him it was after an ambush. We lift away. | 1ANI, 2MOA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0209 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-24 | M | A | I meet a thin young girl; we're flirting in her bedroom. Because other men have not been kind to her, or have taken advantage and hurt her, she's clear about limits. When she gets up to pee, awkwardly I half grab, half embrace her. "Oh, C'mon now. You promised," she says, and slips away. In her absence I inspect three small jars of food I bought elsewhere. They resemble jars of baby food; each is less than half full. The green soupy contents, similar to pureed peas, are off color. Have the bottles leaked, or been opened, or not sealed properly? I disregard caution and sip from each. I'm thinking, "What will the girl say if I tell her, 'I don't think this is going to work out.'" | 1FSA, 2MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0210 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-25 | M | A | I'm a young man with two old men in a large field. We're rehearsing scenes from war. First, a Western scene. Next, in World War I we march with rifles sporting long bayonets. For World War II, we are pressed up against an earthworks. Just before a shell hits, there is a faint clicking sound. A drop in air pressure. A long thin piece of shrapnel lodges in a makeshift shield I hold in front of me. The same noise and air change precede the second shell. The moments before the blast take forever. The shell explodes to my right. So close I barely hear it. There is a brightness. A soft surrounding thud. I check to see how bad I'm hit. | 2MSA | null |
vietnam_vet3 | Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams | 0211 | 2016-2017 | 2017-01-25 | M | A | I'm standing at the head of a small group of medical students seated in a long narrow low ceilinged room. I know these men. Maybe from high school. A couple of doctors are present. As I begin to read, a man asks, "What book are you reading from?" Everyone is annoyed; I've already explained my subject and source. I start again, with a dream which has the word Jamestown in its title. Someone comments, and the head doctor gets up and chastises that person. I begin a third time, am interrupted, and this time the doctor throws the offender out. As I start a fourth time, a bespectacled man, a former highschool student named Pat, assisted by a black swagger stick topped with a gold crown ,walks down the aisle toward me, asking an irrelevant question. | 2MOA, 1MOA, 1MSA, 1MOA, 1MKA, 1MKA | AN 2JSA+D |