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vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0042

1970-2008

03/14/1999

M

A

I am with a group of Special Forces soldiers in Vietnam. We are attacked by NVA soldiers at close quarters. One charges us. He wears a gas mask and has a chemical biological weapon. One SF solider assaults him hand to hand. Dream recollection ends here.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0043

1970-2008

03/22/1999

M

A

I am on a rear base in Vietnam. There is a rumor it will be attacked in the evening. Outside where I am sleeping there is a small fortification. It is made of loose sand shored up on all sides. There is no barbwire; there are no mines or trip flares. I go from one man to the next, asking each one where I can get an M-16, ammo and magazines, because I have none. A doctor reaches behind a wall and brings back a handful of plastic magazines that are made for toy guns. They are worthless. The dream changes. I am with a group of emotionally disturbed people. I am lying on the cold floor. There is a woman the others want me to be interested in, but I have no desire for her. I am aware of giving way, to regressing, to curling up like an animal. Recollection ends here.

1MSA, 1MOA, 2JSA, 1FSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0044

1970-2008

04/27/1999

M

A

I am in a snowy field. There is much chaos and confusion. Everything is blurred by thick swirling snow. Refugees are wearing thick clothing to keep warm. I am trying to find the Americans. I go to a woman I recognize. She is a reporter. She is calm. Panicked, I ask her, "Where are the Americans?" She points and says, "By the woman with the child." I run in the direction she has pointed to. There is no one. The same woman appears. She is sitting at a table. She gives me three letters. They are addressed to me and contain official or important documents. The letters have been opened-searched. I go back to the snowy field. A man and a woman lumber towards me. The man comes up close and suddenly points a long object at me. It appears to be a stick. I hesitate. He shoots. I fall and feel blood flooding my chest. I feel the life force going out of me. I experience the process of dying, which is very ordinary. I am not afraid. Just before death, I wake up.

2JSA, 2JEA, 1FKA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1FSA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0045

1970-2008

06/02/1999

M

A

I am witnessing the execution of individuals at close range. They are shot by men with rifles. They are in uniform and of the same race. They are Asian. There is very little sound or movement, no struggle or attempt to flee. The shot is fired, the body falls.

2MSA, 2MEA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0046

1970-2008

06/08/1999

M

A

I am with someone else. We are in Vietnam, walking through swamp and terrain bordering a river. It is the present, not the past. We are lost. We pass an American who holds up a strand of fishing line with a lure attached to it. He says, "This came all the way from TEXAS." We continue walking. I say, "We're supposed to be going to An Loc or Loc Ninh. I take the lead, follow a path, a well-used trail, and emerge in a clearing. It is clean and well-tended; I am reminded of Maplewood Park. Recollection ends here. I am in a trench in charge of an M-60 or a SAW machine gun. Opposite me, less than ten yards away, in another trench, are several Americans. Lt. Sharp tells me to fire on them. I don't want to kill them. Waking up from the dream I am half shouting, "Get down."

1MSA, 2JEA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0047

1970-2008

06/24/1999

M

A

I am struggling with a policeman who has caught me stealing from a car. He shoots me point blank, a flesh wound. I run. He shoots me again and again in my chest. My blood spatters on a wall in front of me. I am dying.

1MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0048

1970-2008

06/26/1999

M

A

I am in a small shack in the woods, terrified. A nearby machine gun roars without let up. Raising from the wooden floor, I go to the screen windows to see what is happening outside. My vision becomes blurred and I cannot see. I wake up anxious and frightened.

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0049

1970-2008

06/28/1999

M

A

I am with a group of people in danger. Sitting, a light skinned black woman is speaking. She repeats over and over, "If I ever go to such-and-such place (unable to recall name or rest of sentence). She is unaware that she is dying. I take her in my arms to divert her attention. I imagine a man from behind will execute her. At the last moment I will say, "Never mind, shoot us both." Recollection ends here.

2JSA, 1FSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0050

1970-2008

07/23/1999

M

A

In daylight, I am with a group of people walking along a road or trail. It is as if we are refugees. I walk next to a woman who is old and smelly, who has a heart condition. I do not want to be near her and move on. We finally arrive at our destination. At a picnic table I sit with a young boy who is looking through a thick book about war. He is reading the section about Vietnam. I look at the pictures with him. Several NV A soldiers have dragged two dead GI's into a street and are castrating them. Then the images become real, and we are caught up in an NV A attack. It is dark and difficult to see and they are over running our position. I hear screaming and bullets and a grenade explodes near me. Moments later an NV A comes over the berm and bayonets me. I wake up.

2JSA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 2MOA, 4MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0051

1970-2008

08/18/1999

M

A

With a black man I am on a boat or the tip of an island, at war at sea. People are trying to kill us. I have several grenades strung together like a six pack of beer. I unhook one frag then activate one by pushing the safety off and pulling the pin, hurling the remaining grenades into the ocean. My aim is short but effective. There is a very big underwater explosion and subsequent whoosh and blast spout of water. We laugh and grin, knowing we have killed the enemy.

1MSA, 2JSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0052

1970-2008

08/21/1999

M

A

I am in charge of a LRRP squad which consists of myself, Larry R., Joe D. and a good-looking young woman. We stalk through dull and gloomy jungle. I have a crush on the girl. She does not respond to my overtures, but she does not push me away. A new man is sent out to replace or challenge my command. I shoot him in the leg. There is some kind of alert and I begin to sort through the bandoliers of ammo. Larry R. or the girl tells me to just hand them out. Then we are ambushed. I am up in a tree, drawing fire. I shoot back with my forty-five. The bullets are strong and powerful. I yell to Larry R. to throw a frag. I can see the dinks shooting at me. I yell to Larry R. and the girl that I am not going to die for nothing. I tell the girl I love her. Then I am shot.

2MKA, 1MKA, 1FSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0053

1970-2008

09/27/1999

M

A

I am with a group of excited soldiers in a foreign country, Palestine or Israel. We are in large, open but fortified area with many steps and rooms. Everyone is armed, waiting to assault or be attacked. I speak with the leader, a very important man, but can only obtain a .38 pistol and some ammunition. I am not afraid to go out like this. Recollection ends here

2MOA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0054

1970-2008

01/02/2000

M

A

I am with a platoon of Israeli soldiers dressed as grunts. It is dark and raining, Everyone wears a poncho. We are climbing the rungs of a vertical tunnel. No one talks. We are going to war, Recollection ends here.

2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0055

1970-2008

01/02/2000

M

A

In farm country I am one of the last survivors of a group starved, shot and burnt from their homes, Everywhere, the decaying dead rot in tall dry grass, We wait for death, I talk with the opposing force. A young man, friendly, gifted in mathematics, offers to end the fighting by settling monetary debts. He shows me how much we owe in relation to what is owed us. His side has wealth from lottery winnings, Quick calculations reveal the debts are equal, I accept his peace offer, stating I will tell the others if he does not kill me first.

2JSA, 1MSA, 2MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0056

1970-2008

01/19/2000

M

A

I am at Pine Grove sleep away camp, where I had spent summers as a teenager, preparing for war. Jets flying low overhead fire rockets into the distance. We cheer as the missiles whoosh and spiral to their targets. We move out, young soldiers, all less than fifteen. In a large field several teenage soldiers explode a device that releases a smoky fog. It appears to be toxic. At detonation I am hit by its shrapnel. I feel the cardboard splinters penetrate my back, though they do me no real harm. We march back to our starting point. I am walking uphill on the wide trail which leads from the lake to the bunkhouses, weary from the weight of my gear. I walk next to a youngster who is out of shape. He huffs and puffs. He carries a silver-plated toy luger in his hand. Dream recollection ends.

2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0057

1970-2008

03/10/2000

M

A

In Vietnam, as a witness, I view war at close range. The first thing I see in the crowded street is an AK-47, stuck into a wall by its bayonet. There are angry words written on its stock, but I cannot remember them. All around, Vietnamese men are frantically fighting, shooting back over a wall or barrier. I am lying on the top of a bunk bed, sorting through the belongings of someone. This person, apparently dead, had collected stamps. Paging through a small album, I see many American air mail stamps I recall from my youth. Suddenly a man nearby is shot and falls. I see the bullets kick and sting the dirt near him. Two nurses, wearing red and white striped dresses, come to his aid. They are completely vulnerable, turning their backs to the enemy. I am amazed at their bravery or foolishness. One nurse in particular attends to the man, who is mortally wounded. Recollection ends here.

2MEA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 2FOA, 1FOA

CO D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0058

1970-2008

04/04/2000

M

A

I am in Cambodia at the ambush site where the others threw themselves on me just before the explosion from the second grenade. In the dream, instead of guns chattering or the short snap of the Chicom's fuse, both sides scream and shout, preparing to rush forward in hand-to-hand combat. The NV A come at me with bayonets drawn. I offer no resistance, but cower and steel myself for the killing thrust. They prod me once or twice in the sides. Then, before death or capture, I wake up. The word surrender is very fresh in my mind. I feel anxious and weak and sick.

2ISA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0059

1970-2008

04/13/2000

M

A

A. man is lost at sea. I help to rescue him. In a strange place we listen and attempt to accompany sophisticated percussion music. There is war. I am hit with shrapnel in the back. Bao Ninh tends to me in hospital. He is clearly in charge of himself and the matter at hand. Like a Zen master he is deliberate and clear in all he does. I complain and grow anxious, become uncooperative. Bao Ninh ignores or engages me depending on my awareness of what is correct. At one point he appears to give up, though recollection is unclear. I wake up still much moved by the force of his personality. It is not unlike that of David B.

1MSA, 1MKA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0060

1970-2008

08/28/2000

M

A

I am a pilot in a helicopter in Vietnam which has just crashed. Either the low altitude, or the jungle canopy or both provide for a soft landing and very little damage, though it appears my co-pilot is slightly injured. There are only three or four grunts on board. I give them an order to form a perimeter. They do not obey. This becomes the basic tension of the dream: Am I or am I not in control? It would appear that I am not. We are spotted by some friendly civilians and again my orders are not obeyed. This happens a second time. Recollection ends here.

1MOA, 2MOA, 2ISA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0061

1970-2008

08/28/2000

M

A

I am a civilian on my way to work in the dark on a road crowded with many other pedestrians. People begin to sit by the side of the road; something has happened. I search for a friendly or familiar face to inquire, then sit on a bench next to an older European man. He tells me a plane has crashed over an airport and that all flights have been canceled. Next, I look up and see many helicopters, as though there is an enormous combat assault taking place. I board a small Loach after it appears it is not taking passengers. I am now loaded with combat gear. We fly in part of the combat assault formation and land on a base. There is no combat but it is unclear when and where we should go. An Asian man directs me down steps to an empty high school lab. I throw down my gear and try to sleep on a lawn outside. I am woken by a solider tugging my arm. He is upset over something I have caused. It is not serious and the solider is not angry, only concerned. Recollection ends here.

2JSA, 1MEA, 1MEA, 1MOA

AP 1MKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0062

1970-2008

08/28/2000

M

A

I am one of only several white people caught up in a large group of black people who treat us well but whose aim is to kill us. I am with a woman who is either my daughter or my wife. Depressed and stoop shouldered, she is un-insightful, quiet and stubborn. We are running, being herded up steps and through hallways. At one point there is a chance to escape. The woman hesitates and I tell her to follow me or let go of my hand. I break free and run down a stairwell, which leads to an Asian man with a mop and bucket. The area is fenced off. I implore him to let me pass. He is friendly but suspicious, but then tells me where to go and what to avoid. Recollection ends here.

2JEA, 1FKA, 1MEA, 1MEA

SD 1FKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0063

1970-2008

09/05/2000

M

A

I am with a group of men who are submariners. We are on land in the country. They have been detected and seek to escape. They seem to be a mix of Americans and Russians. I climb on top of the submarine, which is also on dry land; the Captain, a Russian, stands beneath me, I steer the ship like a car down a long dirt road. We are spotted by Russian agents disguised as civilians. Soon we are being chased by men who seek to arrest us. I drive faster and faster and seem to have lost them. Then we must get out of the submarine because I have driven into a cul-de-sac. It is now every man for himself; I try hiding in the cellar of a barn, but am not quick enough, and am caught, as is the Captain. Then I escape, I run and find a woman sitting outside her house and ask her for help; she does not help me. I keep running, I seem to have obtained freedom, but then I am at the edge of the sea. There are great sand dunes that reach into the clear water. I am being pursued again and have no choice: I swim into the ocean, The water is warm and clear, the waves are big but not violent. It is very light and sunny, I attempt to escape by swimming under water. However, at close range three Russian agents triangulate my position. Looking beneath me, I see a large dark American submarine that has come to my rescue and begins to rise from below. However, it is too late. The agents begin shooting with pistols and high powered rifles and I am shot.

2MOA, 1MOA, 2MOA, 1FSA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0064

1970-2008

09/05/2000

M

A

I am in Ivy Park, a place where I spent much of my childhood, I am near the tennis courts, Mike W., the RTO in Vietnam, is with me. Above the tall trees a commercial plane veers low and loud; the left wing hits the top of tree branches and ignites; the plane spins and tumbles in the air, then crashes. I am directly in its path and move away just in time to avoid being killed by large pieces of bouncing wreckage. A capsule like pod nearly crushes me, but I manage to avoid it. The capsule is on fire and the pilots inside are trapped. The escape hatches are fiery hot but from within or with my help they are opened. I yell to the pilots, "Reach in and drag them out." We are all afraid the fuel tanks will explode, Then we are safe. It seems two pilots survive and one is dead. The dream ends here.

1MKA, 2MOA, 1MOA

AP 1FKA+D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0065

1970-2008

09/26/2000

M

A

With two other men I am in Ivy Park at the center of a large and parched field. There is much dirt and hardly any plants or grass. Suddenly mortars begin to drop close by. "They're walking them in," I shout, terrified. Swirling, low-hugging clouds erupt where the bombs hit and explode; they fall in a neat vertical line, closing on our position. We run up field. I turn around and see a dark brown wild horse caught in the bombardment; it escapes with few or no injuries from shrapnel. Then a black man, handsome and confident, appears down field. He swings a golf club in our direction. I recover the irregular red shaped ball and throw it back to him with unexpected precision. He catches it on one sharp bounce and thanks me. Recollection ends here.

2MSA, 1ANI, 1MSA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0066

1970-2008

10/07/2000

M

A

I am with a squad of LRRP's; we are out on a mission. I have grown close to them, and am especially fond of the leader and second in command. In the morning, before moving out, I begin to dress; they leave without me. I am angry and struggle with either catching up or turning back. I return to the rear area and ask about the men. The leader and second in command have been killed in an ambush. A survivor of the squad, dressed in civilian clothes, relates the news in simple terms, almost cheerful, as though he were familiar with death in manner I am not. Still, I am overcome with emotion; less guilt than a sense of the impossible loss of irreplaceable men at the height of their youth. I wake up feeling very sad and speak words I cannot now recall.

2MOA, 1MKA, 1MOA, 1MSA

AN D, SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0067

1970-2008

10/08/2000

M

A

I am in my apartment in the Bronx, sleeping. I hear noise in the foyer. Two dolls, hanging from a doorknob, have come to life. I speak to the male doll and the female doll and feel happy. I have made two friends. Then we are outside in a country at war. The terrain is hilly and partially wooded. Helicopters appear and fire rockets, which explode in a suppressed manner. There is no full and dense explosion. Instead, on impact the force of the blast shoots out to the left and right. This happens several times. We begin running. A fighter plane appears overhead. I expect it to strafe us. Unexpectedly, it pulls up from a power dive and on the upswing drops a cloud of white powder or gas, which we run from. We are spotted or captured by police. Recollection ends here.

1FSA, 2MOA, 2MOA

HA D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0068

1970-2008

10/09/2000

M

A

I am caught up in the violence in the Mid East and am suffering a form of punishment. The Palestinians are clawing and tearing at each other, ripping themselves apart. I am not in the direct fighting, though hundreds of men, somehow far yet close and reduced in size, crawl over my feet and legs like ants, biting me and fighting amongst themselves. Periodically, an official, Israeli or Palestinian, it is not clear, asks me to write, in effect a subtle offer to set me free. He asks what time it is. My mother is present and answers. Then I do, correcting her. The man becomes hostile towards me. In the dream I do not accept the offer to write. I wake up anxious, having slept little at night though much in the day.

2MEA, 2MSA, 1MEA, 1FKA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0069

1970-2008

10/17/2000

M

A

I am on a patrol with another American. We set up a perimeter and ambush site. We are in the jungle but it is, in fact, a large civilian park. I ask him for my M-16 because I cannot find it, but it is lost. He gives me my .45; he has the machine gun. In the morning, after an uneventful night, we head back to a car, which will take us away. The car has been broken into. Items have been stolen. No one can be trusted.

1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0070

1970-2008

10/17/2000

M

A

I am in domestic setting. A large and powerful tiger eyes and tracks a furry pet cat. The cat attempts to dodge and escape the playful swipes of the tiger. It eventually runs up a tree but the tiger easily follows. The cat has no escape. On the ground it shows no fear as it continues to rebuff the powerful play of the tiger.

1ANI, 1ANI

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0071

1970-2008

10/17/2000

M

A

Principles of Life are being explained to me by John K. or someone like him. I am told to think of life as a daily game, to imagine luck or good fortune. I agree, but question why this works, since it does.

1MKA, 1ISA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0072

1970-2008

11/11/2000

M

A

I am in Vietnam with the men who composed last night's group. They are talking too loud; I am anxious they will give our position away. We recon a small abandoned villa and examine an old foundation. Next, I am in a hospital corridor, walking with Steve M., a squad leader from my old platoon. He has been shot badly in the thigh. As we walk a doctor points out the injury, which is bandaged and bleeding. Recollection ends here.

2MKA, 1MKA, 1MOA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0073

1970-2008

11/26/2000

M

A

We are in the jungle on patrol. I am speaking with Ray, RTO for the Command Platoon. In the dream he is youthful and trim, though his features are gaunt, hollowed out, wearied by fear and fatigue. The vivid terrain resembles Song Be, though the scrub and bush are sparse, providing less cover. Fear and dark foreboding are paramount in Ray's eyes. Recollection ends here.

1MKA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0074

1970-2008

11/26/2000

M

A

I am in a wealthy environment, much like Clinic am Zurichburg, the Swiss mental institution where I spent two months in 1977. My family is present. Most prominent is my grandmother, who freely spends money, though she remains repressive and remote.

1FKA, 2JKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0075

1970-2008

01/01/2001

M

A

Three NY A walked down a well-used trail over which second platoon had strung a trip wire and hidden rifleman with command detonated claymores. When the flare went off the mines blew. With third platoon I rushed up to watch as the men picked off the enemy soldiers. Their legs were blown off. They screamed to each other, firing their AK's wildly. I knelt and wept at the slaughter. Afterwards, we scavenged the bodies for souvenirs and did not bury the corpses. Mike W. put a live frag with a smoke grenade fuse under the bodies. We moved out. Fifteen or twenty minutes later we heard the grenade explode; other NY A had been killed by the booby trap. 1 am in a familiar house but cannot name it. My brother and I are young. He throws a heavy silver ring at me. I go to chase him but he hides and disappears. I go to a bedroom and look under the bed, but there is only a rumpled blanket. Then to the bathroom, where I see him through the frosted windows. My brother says, "I guess 1 should come out." I agree, and confront him with the ring, which I have found. "If you ever treat me with disrespect again I'll kill you," I tell him sternly. I am boiling with anger. Next, we are out in the open in a desert-like setting. My brother questions if I mean what I have said. I am on edge and angry and seek an excuse to be violent. My brother says, "You wouldn't shoot me." I tell him to be quiet, not to test me. My brother continues, so I shoot him point blank in the skull. My brother falls down dead. He appears ten or twelve years of age. I am older, perhaps eighteen or nineteen.

2MOA, 2MOA, 1MKA, 2MOA, 1MKA

AN D, AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0076

1970-2008

01/14/2001

M

A

I am in the country walking with my beloved dog, Rusty. As usual, she is off the leash. I am reading a war story. It ends by telling how men, when desperate for cover, would dive down in the latrine area, only to be stained with shit. Just as I read this my hand is fouled by human waste streaked on the ground. I wash it off in a large pool of fresh clear water. The dog swims in the water. She is happy, though somewhat nervous and high-strung, as was her nature. We continue walking and arrive at a wealthy residential area. It is safe and quiet and there is much greenery. I wear blue jeans and walk with much confidence. The dog, as was her way, romps and sprints ahead. We arrive at a store, which is closed. The dog jumps up on a small landing. I pet her and she places her arm on mine and nuzzles me. There is a profoundly strong and shared sense of happiness and well-being. In fact, the sense of love is the deepest I have felt in a long, long time. Then a young married couple oogle and awe and pet the dog and the spell is broken. We continue walking and it is good, but the intense feeling of love is lost.

1ANI, 1FKA, 2JSA

HA 1FKA, HA 1FKA+D, CO 1FKA+D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0077

1970-2008

01/16/2001

M

A

I am with a group of soldiers under fire. The terrain is semi-desert and mountainous. The men are young. Some are new, others are experienced at war. I obtain an M-79 and fire it. The shell streaks through the night and explodes far away in a large billowing ball of flame. The RTO speaks without having to break squelch. Apparently the radio operates by voice recognition. He is frightened, trying to locate the other troops, since they are not to be seen. I need more ammo and cannot find it. I am high up in a tree with two small children. Opposite us we watch a mother bird feed her young. She flees at the approach of a giant rat. He enters the nest and scavenges for food. He slithers down, the dead body of an animal hanging from his mouth. The rat then begins climbing up the tree. The children are frightened. My plan is to let it crawl up to our height, then punch the glass collar though which it must pass to reach us. When the rat's head is beneath the glass I begin punching. I disregard the possible damage to my fist. The glass breaks, blood streams down the tree from the rat's smashed head. The rat falls away and dies.

2MOA, 1MOA, 2ISC, 1ANI, 1ANI

AP 1FKA, AP 2JKA+D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0078

1970-2008

01/16/2001

M

A

It is night. Gloria E. knocks on my door to waken me. I get dressed. I am young and handsome and brush my hair in a brash, swept back manner. We are going to a school. I wear no shirt but only jeans and a towel over my chest. I turn back and put on a shirt. Later, Gloria E. gives me the title page from a faded manuscript of poetry. She signs it but makes an error, which she crosses out and signs again. Recollection ends here.

1FKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0079

1970-2008

01/16/2001

M

A

I am on a great snowy mountain with someone else. Two trained horses must run down the mountain as if it were an obstacle course or test. They perform tricks and must endure hardship. They are very powerful. They do not hesitate at the unexpected, but immediately improvise.

1ISA, 2ANI

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0080

1970-2008

01/24/2001

M

A

In the dream I am at war. The terrain is rocky and dry. We are being mortared. The shells fall close. A nearby man who much resembles Ray of the CP [Command Platoon] is struck by the blast of a near direct hit and killed instantly, though his body seizes up, as if he were struck dumb. There is no blood or sign of injury. A second man is killed in likewise manner. No one moves. I run for cover. Recollection ends here.

1MSA, 1MKA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0081

1970-2008

01/24/2001

M

A

I am in a residential area skateboarding down a narrow sidewalk. The energy to propel the board is obtained by clenching my toes or pushing down hard. There are many houses, which are big and made of wood. The people are friendly. I am a guest, renting a room. A block away a tree catches fire. A fierce wind whips the fire out of control. At one point the entire sky is whitened by heat and flame and it appears the house, which contains my belongings, will ignite. No one panics. I rush into the house to recover my back pack. I am confused. Which room is mine? My things have been moved. I find them in another room. It is large and half open to the elements. On the way out I watch a good-looking middle-aged woman undress. It is very erotic. Outside, things are calm. I meet a young man who is a veterinarian. He has a dog, which has sustained burns to its back. The dog appears aware of its injury but remains feisty. Somewhat humorously I say to the doctor, "So, you have casualties." I cannot recall his exact words but he is optimistic. The dream ends here.

2JSA, 1FSA, 1MOA, 1ANI

CO D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0082

1970-2008

02/04/2001

M

A

I am with a large black woman who resembles the poet Melinda T. We are sitting in the office of Dr. A. She listens while I speak about war. Suddenly a low resonant howl escapes me. The black woman says, "I know what that is." I begin weeping.

1FSA, 1FPA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0083

1970-2008

02/17/2001

M

A

On a cancer ward all the patients are men. One complains that his nose is too large. Another declares without his doctor he would have died but has lived an extra two years. The ward is home-like. The doctors are friendly. Each has his own cure; some succeed, others do not. My doctor is female. She is dedicated and loving. A staff member and I reach a doctor's office at the same time. I push the door open. It is immediately slammed shut, catching my finger. The staff member knocks and is let in. I leave, aware that protocol must be obeyed. I become frustrated and rebel. For punishment I am sent to a large forest to gather pine needles in long neat rows. After several hours on my hands and knees, I try to escape. Using a dog, my doctor captures me. I quit the ward. In her presence I get dressed. I will be traveling heavy since there are my two traveler's backpacks. I have a toothbrush too small for my mouth. My doctor tries to discourage me, but I am angry and sad. On the wall hangs a photograph of a male doctor at war. His pants are torn and dirty. His knees are wounded; he is running for help. I say, "What does he know? I was the medic. They all came to me." I begin weeping.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1FOA, 1MOA, 1ANI

AN D, SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0084

1970-2008

06/01/2001

M

A

I am sent to my old platoon without medical supplies, pack, weapon or ammo. We patrol thick jungle much like Song Be. In a clearing I carry the M-79, sling it over my shoulder, but it is awkward and does not feel right. I become angry. We pass another patrol, which has taken one POW who is larger than life. We enter a large school. I become lost. I speak with a young woman. She refers me to a man who listens to my story, which I relate with anger. He says I should not be mad at him; he is a CO, a conscientious objector. He asks if I understand the term. I tell him, "No." I tell him I am politically and morally ignorant. I tell him I'm worried about my men. Who will help if they are hit? I tell him, "Look, I have the Combat Medic Badge, the Silver Star, two Bronze Stars for Valor, the Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, so I know about war and all I want is the right equipment and to be with my men."

2MOA, 1MOA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 2MOA

AN D, AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0085

1970-2008

07/12/2001

M

A

I am in a large room at ground level. Its green walls and floors are made of smoothed out earth. Large square windows without glass overlook a forbidding no man's land. The NVA begin shooting. I return fire. They are everywhere. Several reach in. I push them off and continue shooting. They are everywhere, but I am not afraid. I keep fighting. There is no escape.

2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0086

1970-2008

07/25/2001

M

A

I am brought back to Vietnam; the platoon tells me I look good. I am wearing my old jungle fatigues and steel helmet. I have no gear, no leech straps beneath my knees, I want to tell them ordinary people think I'm strange dressed like this, but I stay silent. With Corson and Bill W. I walk to the water point. We pass through a small town, then into forest where I become lost. I walk to a highway, then pass through a circle of college students. I anticipate unkind remarks, but the students are friendly. At a busy traffic intersection a college professor smiles. "Where is the water?" I ask. He tells me. I find a dark, turbulent river. This can't be the water point, though I know it is. Frustrated, I sleep under a moonlit canopy of thick brush. I wake up under a large plastic tarp. Crawling forward I accidentally wake Steve M. I say, "It's me, Doc." He throws me a pair of bowling shoes, which are too small. A man I have never seen glares at me with contempt. He throws me a pair that fit. Then everyone leaves. I look out from beneath the tarp. Someone inside a nearby house appears in silhouette, then vanishes. I anticipate an ambush. I imagine being shot in the head. I imagine how Steve M. will comfort me. It's raining. I have no water, ammo, or weapon.

2MOA, 2MKA, 1MOA, 2JOA, 1MSA, 1ISA

AN D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0087

1970-2008

09/14/2001

M

A

I am with my old platoon in Cambodia on LZ Ranch. We are pressed up against the berm. An attack is coming. My M-16 is broken. There is no trigger or clip. A sergeant offers me his weapon, but I refuse, saying he is the better soldier. I help to invent a catapult that hurls a half dozen grenades at a time. However, the device is faulty. Ed W. uses it to initiate the attack. The scene changes. We are in a village. An old VC hides in a hut hoping to escape. I throw him down and sit on him. He is taken prisoner, but will not speak. I devise a way to torture him. We dig a vertical hole, bury him up to his neck, then place a clear plastic cover over his head. We will urinate on him. But the VC is stubborn and will not speak. He accepts that he will die. Then there is shooting and we rush for cover. I find a Viet Cong who resembles Richard B., my best college friend. He attempts to steal American weapons from a display, but grabs an umbrella instead. I tell him to give up. When he refuses, we fight. Each time I stab his belly he says, "Kill me." I feel terrible. It is as if I knew this man. When he weakens, I take him in my arms and call for help. His stomach leaks on me. I am crying. I am saying, "Oh God.... Oh God." American soldiers arrive. They look perplexed and awed. We march to a hospital.

2MKA, 1MOA, 1MOA, 1MEA, 2MOA, 1MKA

SD D, CO 1MKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0088

1970-2008

11/03/2001

M

A

It is the present and I am with Bao Ninh in Vietnam. He leads me about, showing me different sites and soldiers. There is a certain intimacy, a certain understanding between us all. We communicate without language. At a rehab center I sit with a Vietnamese veteran who sketches pencil drawings. When he sharpens the point by pressing it into the blunt stub of his lower arm, I wince and offer help, but he declines. He is proud and self-sufficient and this is his way of doing things. In another room I see the drawings of school children. They are colorful, lively, happy. There is no sense of war.

1MKA, 2MOA, 1MOA, 2ISC

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0089

1970-2008

12/02/2001

M

A

I am with the platoon on patrol in Antarctica. Those with foot problems are asked to go on sick call. Nearly all are lame, but march to the aid station in the cold, hard snow. They overwhelm the staff who make complaints against them. I am sad because no one cares, no one understands how we suffer. A kind, middle-aged black medic tells me that Timmy D., whose bad feet should have kept him out of the Army, will go home. But when I speak to Timmy D., he says he has been denied sick call. He has seen no one.

2MOA, 2MOA, 1MOA, 1MKA

SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0090

1970-2008

01/04/2002

M

A

It is dark. I am with the platoon in a foreign country. We are on an exposed slope facing the wood line. A voice mocks us. I am trying to invent a weapon that will fire small grenades more accurately than tossing them. The clumsy firing device resembles a slow-loading flintlock. Only the first grenade explodes in the wood line. Nearby Ed W. quickly chucks grenades one after the other. The platoon retreats. I become separated, lose my weapon and panic. Then we regroup and fall back. An old officer says my boonie hat is worn out. The flimsy material has lost its shape. My CMB pinned in front is missing, as are the encircling love beads, the Cav patch sewn on top, the grenade rings clipped round the brim. There is no ground-in muck, no accumulated sweat. This hat cannot be mine. We enter a large wooden house and line up in a stairwell, which leads to a cellar where we will be issued new hats. A pretty American girl with long hair makes her way past. I have no desire for her. It is a good feeling to be with my men.

2MOA, 1MSA, 1MOA, 1FSA

AP D, HA D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0091

1970-2008

07/01/2002

M

A

I am in Europe. There is my old platoon: young, full-haired, smiling. They welcome me, then complain. It is a bad area. One out of six will die of prostate cancer. It is in the water, which spills over large brick buildings; it is in the ground. A young soldier shows me a gem bought from a villager. He regards its beauty and power. I can tell it is fake. The villager, who is middle-aged and wears a business suit, leaves his house. He walks toward me. I throw the gem in his face. "What are you doing?" I say. "This is uranium." Aloof and calm, he curls his hand around my neck, then releases it. We return to his house. There is the long flight home. I begin planning my escape.

2MKA, 1MOA, 1MOA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0092

1970-2008

07/09/2002

M

A

I am on a combat assault. Only a few of us ride in the chopper. We carry full combat gear: pack, weapon, helmet, ammo. We fly toward the Ivy Hill Apartments. From high up I see buildings, which appear like photographs. We land on a rooftop. I see my brother. At the same time I see a horrible sight. I walk toward it. The intact body of an American soldier glows like fireplace embers. His internal organs have hardened to stone and are clearly visible. I shout to my brother, "How did this happen?" He says he doesn't know. I am standing over the corpse. I can tell my brother is lying.

1MKA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0093

1970-2008

08/19/2002

M

A

I am driving a jeep in the country. The land is green and dotted with old wooden houses. I park near Doug C. and his friend. We begin talking. I hear chopper blades and look up. A Huey with Red Cross markings prepares to land close by. I say to Doug, "Oh God, it's a Medevac." Then I am in a bar crowded with soldiers. I recognize several men, though I mistake one man for someone else. I take a long swig from a bottle. I am crying. I want the men to see this. I want the man mistaken for someone else to see this.

1MKA, 1MKA, 2MOA, 1MSA

SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0094

1970-2008

10/24/2002

M

A

I am searching for NVA hidden in the stalls of public bathrooms. In a frenzy I kick doors open. The enemy wear green uniforms and have long black hair. They are silent and beaten and offer no defense. I am yelling as I shoot. I am screaming. I am shooting at close range. When the dead slump down, there is little blood. After the killing I shoot them again.

2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0095

1970-2008

11/26/2002

M

A

It is the present day. In a large, flat field I watch as prisoners are beaten senseless by members of the Central Intelligence Agency. The victims are dragged off and thrown into piles, condemned to be shot. The bloodied, half-conscious men plead for their lives. The cruel agents ignore them. Then it is my turn. I get not to be killed, but the process begins.

2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0096

1970-2008

12/11/2002

M

A

I am with a large group of noisy veterans in a crowded restaurant. A menacing black man approaches. We argue. He begins shooting me point blank in the hip with a forty-five automatic, taunting me with every shot. I am screaming, "Stop it. Stop it." Then I capitulate. He is right. I am wrong. I sense the bullets have missed my vital organs and that I will live. The next day I return with Ed W., who is dressed in full combat gear. I find the black man. With a small pair of scissors I quickly stab each lung twice, then puncture his heart. The skin of his chest fills with blood. "I'm sorry," I say, mocking him. "I'm so very, very sorry." I continue to taunt him until he is dead.

2MOA, 1MSA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0097

1970-2008

12/25/2002

M

A

I am at a dance with an attractive woman who has promised me a place to live. Our friendship is platonic. Afterwards we walk down a snowy moonlit street. We are happy and young. She puts her arm around my shoulder. "I like you," she says. "I really like you." Then we sit in her car and neck. Our kisses are sensual, giving, tender. She removes her blouse and straddles me. Outside, a small wood sign is tacked to a street lamp. Its handwritten letters state, "Kit Karson Scouts." I raise up and embrace her. "That's gold," I say. "Absolute gold." Then we make love.

1FSA

HA 1FKA+D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0098

1970-2008

10/09/2008

M

A

My brother and I are in the jungle. I'm not a medic but a radio operator. My brother is new to Vietnam. I'm breaking him in. I receive a message from a pilot flying an OV 10 Bronco, a lightly armed reconnaissance plane. The pilot names a part he needs. I take out a pen, spread a napkin on the ground, tell my brother to hold it flat while I write. My brother laughs at me. I take out my forty-five pistol and say, "If you do that again, I'll kill you." My brother laughs. I shoot him point blank in the chest. I wake up saying, "You didn't listen so I killed you."

1MKA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0001

2015

05/30/2015

M

A

I'm in the Army, I have been to war, and now am in a large military warehouse. I'm climbing up a huge pile of boxes that are packed with thousands of small black toy trains. An MP comes by and harasses me. I start to climb down from the boxes, toppling them, causing the trains to spill out and onto the floor. I tell the MP nobody pushes me around. I threaten him, and he leaves. I walk to another part of the warehouse, a gymnasium. Off to one side, a small group of black women are watching TV. Otherwise, the area is vacant. In my bare feet, I start to skate on the wood floor. I'm going fast, making large sweeping turns. Then a man with movie star looks grabs me. He's kidnapping me. He and others put me in a car. He keeps telling me not to fight him, but I won't let him go. They drive me to a place where criminals do business. The man in the car wants to kill me. We struggle. He keeps trying to break free. I call to the criminals as they walk past, but it's hard to speak, I make only garbled sounds. Then they hear and see me and approach, and I say to them, "Kill him." I wake up moaning those words.

1MOA, 2FSA, 1MSA, 2MSA, 2MSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0002

2015

06/02/2015

M

A

I'm in bed with a wild tiger that is biting my hand. To stop the attack, I reach back and squeeze its rear end, then poke its rectum. At first the animal continues to bite, but then finally stops. I wake up.

1ANI

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0003

2015

06/03/2015

M

A

I'm in a classroom for adults. It's crowded. I'm sitting in the back, half hidden by other students. The subject is math, my worst subject. Then I look to see if the teacher is there, but she is gone. I move to be closer with the other students. Someone messes my hair. Another teacher, an old man in a suit with wild hair, takes charge of the class. He pesters me. I ask him, "Do you want to get stabbed?" He doesn't hear me, and walks away. The others can't seem to tell if my question was real or a joke.

2JOA, 1FOA, 1MOA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0004

2015

06/03/2015

M

A

I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth. A tooth implant that in real life must be repaired, and will eventually fail, falls from my mouth. It looks to be made of copper. I'm scared. I call the dentist. A man answers the phone and says the dentist is on the way. Then a black man is on the phone. He seems to be in a night club. There is jazzy music in the background. His voice is casual, elegant, lighthearted and boozy. The dentist walks in. He is young, athletic and stocky, bare-chested. I'm surprised and relieved. I kiss his forehead. I say, "What brought you here?" Then I wake up.

1MOA, 1MSA

AP D, CO D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0005

2015

06/03/2015

M

A

At a party of some kind I meet a girl known from grammar school. She remains tall, awkward and insecure. We end up in a bedroom where I try to seduce her. She resists. I become affectionate toward her, but she has trouble accepting my feelings. When I go to the bathroom to pee, one stall is occupied by a boy in a wheelchair. The other is unoccupied, but an anxious man stands in the way. He leaves. The window in the bedroom is open. I think, if we have sex, people will hear us. The girl asks for a tissue, which I get for her. She is so awkward. I wake up.

1FKA, 1MSA, 1MSA

AP 1MKA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0006

2015

06/04/2015

M

A

At a crowded seaport, I run into a woman that I had dated twenty years ago. We sit and talk. She puts her hands on my arms and says she still loves me. I feel the same toward her. It feels wonderful. We go for a walk. She once worked here and points out a large flag mast; at its base, there is a small rusty prong. She says it has caught on her clothes many times. I break it off. A policeman or guard arrives. He asks what I've done. I tell him. He puts me under arrest but I knock him down, and kick and pummel him. To create a panic that will help us escape, I grab his pistol and fire it in the air, yelling "Gun! Gun!" Then I wake up.

1FKA, 1MOA

HA D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0007

2015

06/06/2015

M

A

I'm staying with a friend in an apartment building that is similar to the one I lived in as a teen. There's a bottle of Coke by the front door. My friend says someone is looking for me and points out the window. I recognize a man from my unit in Vietnam. I yell to him, "Gary Owen! Gary Owen!" the password we used in the jungle when coming in from patrol. But he does not reply. When it's time to go, my friend says to be careful, they are looking to get me. In the hallway, someone stabs me several times. I'm bleeding. I wake up. I'm fearful for several minutes.

1MKA, 1MSA, 1MKA, 1ISA

AP D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0008

2015

06/06/2015

M

A

I'm at a grungy bar. I'm told that the people who want to harm me would like to make a peace offering of 1000 roses. I say that doesn't sound right and point out the cost. A very tall impoverished black man (an Army vet?) enters the bar. He goes from one person to the next asking for money or cigarettes. He comes to me, and blocks my way out. I get up and deliberately walk toward him and tell him, "No," I have nothing to give him. I'm not intimidated by him. I'm going to walk right past him. Then I wake up.

2JSA, 1MOA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0009

2015

06/06/2015

M

A

I make my way into a private party. It's dark outside. Celebrities are everywhere. I want to meet Paul Newman but can't find him. I return to the party when everyone is gone and steal sunglasses they have left behind. I'm almost found out but manage to sneak away just as the owner of the house, a woman who resembles either my mother or a college professor who wanted to have an affair, returns. I'm wearing sunglasses that I have found. From a safe distance I look back to see who she is but she doesn't appear. I'm eating a bar of chocolate.

1MPA, 2JSA, 1FSA, 1FSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0010

2015

06/07/2015

M

A

It's night. I'm with a half dozen men defending a small position that is part country, part city. Men who would harm us start to advance and surround us. I tell this to another man. We will soon be attacked. I wake up.

2MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0011

2015

06/07/2015

M

A

It's night. I'm returning to my apartment in a dungeon-like building in New York. It's dangerous. I want to get inside. Once in, I see someone banging on the window. I should be frightened but I'm not. The small man tells me about a job offer in social work. He resembles a VN vet seen in a store last week. I go to the interview. A young black man performs a comedic act. Then a young woman tells me about the job. It's clear she has done this many times. She pitches an entry-level job as if it is exciting and desirable. Until I ask, she leaves out the actual work details, which are to administer cognitive tests to children. The location is vague. A female cashier I speak to talks up the job but I'm more interested in her bust than what she says. I don't want this job. It reminds me of past experiences in life. I don't want it at all. I don't immediately decline, but ask the female interviewer to send me details. Then I walk towards an open area with trees and grass. There is a table with fruit on it. I accidentally drop some on the ground. Several policemen sit at the table for lunch. Recollection ends here.

1MSA, 1MOA, 1FSA, 1FOA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0012

2015

06/08/2015

M

A

I'm in a classroom. It's dark. The class is made up of Hispanic people, mostly adults. Everyone is lying on the floor. I try to move, but I can't. I repeatedly scream "Help, I can't move." No one offers to help. I wake up fearful.

2JEA

AP D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0013

2015

06/09/2015

M

A

In a sort of basement, another man and I are combating a large industrial oven. Its grill is advancing toward us. We can see the blazing fire and embers inside it. The oven advances closer and closer. Finally, the other man grabs me. I say to them, "Get me away, boys." And they lift me out of danger, at the same time inspecting me for burns. My fingertips are burned to the bones; they glow like embers. Otherwise, I'm OK.

1MSA, 2MSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0014

2015

06/09/2015

M

A

It's morning. I'm in a large rundown hotel room which is part of a single story complex in a rundown area. A bad smell starts to permeate the room. I open the door. Outside, my mother is washing the floor with ammonia. I yell at her. I say, "That's ammonia. It's coming into my room. What are you doing? Why didn't you tell me?" I try to stop her. We begin to fight. She hits me in the legs with the mop. She yells, "Get out." My brother appears. We move toward each other aggressively. We're both angry and willing to fight. I say to him, "Don't do it. Don't do it." Just before we're about to fight he backs off and I leave.

1FKA, 1MKA

AN 1FKA+D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0015

2015

06/10/2015

M

A

I'm in the bedroom of an apartment lived in during adolescence. It's morning. There's something on the windowsill. The kitten resembles a cat from N town, where I lived a year as a child. It must have entered through a window. The answering machine picks up a phone call. I think, "No one calls me; who is it?" I don't recognize the voice. It's hard to tell what she is saying. I wonder how long the kitten has been here. Where does it relieve itself? I tell the kitten I don't want it here. I open the front door. The cat scurries down the steps, then runs outside. I'm bare-chested and conscious of my abs. As in life, they are strong from exercise. I wonder if my downstairs neighbors will see me.

1ANI, 1FKA, 2JKA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0016

2015

06/11/2015

M

A

I'm in my 30s and dating Roberta, a woman known while an undergrad. She is bright, sincere, confident, though not good looking. We decide to go to a movie. I ask about getting there by subway. She's says we have a little time. Then we are waiting in line at an airport. I recognize the man in front of me. He is Wally H., one of my best friends in college (who later became a movie star). He is young and strikingly handsome and without guile. But to greet him, first I have to straddle a banister. In doing so, I say, "If I don't do this right, I won't be walking for a while," or similar words. Then I say, "Wally, this is Roberta. Roberta, this is Wally." In fact, they had dated each other in college. Throughout the dream I feel good.

1FKA, 1MKA

HA D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0017

2015

06/12/2015

M

A

I'm standing in front of a very tall cyclone wire fence. It's not sturdy. The top is especially flimsy. There's no way to climb over it. I'm wondering how to get to the other side. It's as if I've done this before.

CO D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0018

2015

06/12/2015

M

A

It's late at night. I'm in the bedroom of my college friend John K.'s brother Jerry, who is drinking and using power tools. He isn't building anything of use. He isn't making much sense. My friend David is getting ready to sleep in his own room nearby. I'm trying to go to sleep on the floor but it's too noisy. Finally, I get up and leave Jerry's room and sleep in Dave's room in a bed. All the while I'm aware that in real life David and Jerry are not brothers, even though they act that way in the dream.

1MKA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0019

2015

06/13/2015

M

A

I'm in college, going from room to room in a large and spacious old building. I'm feeling good. The rooms are bright and neat and well kept. It's a cheerful place. I want to get rid of a large colorful towel, but a worker sees me so I carry it to the right place. Then I'm in a room with someone I know. It's well lit but somehow dark. A piece of thick paper, like a playing card, floats in the air. I show the other person how to grab it. Then he tries and with some difficulty, succeeds. Then I see something else floating in the air, but I'm waking up and it's actually the window fan in my bedroom.

1MOA, 1MKA

HA D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0020

2015

06/13/2015

M

A

I'm in a Jewish community in the country. I meet a woman and want to sleep with her, but she declines. There is an ongoing conflict with another group, who are violent. I find one of their men stuffed in a barrel or small heavy tub. He's been executed. I meet another woman. She has huge breasts. I go into a room. One of us is taking a shower. For a moment I see her undressing. Her breasts sag. I feel doubtful toward her and lose interest. Then I meet an exotic looking young man with braided hair. We are in bed. I begin to cuddle him. Recollection ends here.

1FSA, 2MSA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1MSA

CO D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0021

2015

06/14/2015

M

A

I'm in a medical office in an old building in Europe. The light is soft, not glaring, like in a US. There's no one present. For a time I look at delicate small plants in a display case which are for sale. They are too expensive for me. This place is also where Erin, my former girlfriend, seems to live. I look for her, and find her brothers or people who know her, but they don't know where she is. I wander around the office rooms. Then I levitate, and float slowly from one room to the next. I want to meet doctors and show them this can be done. I'm floating in a doctor's living quarters. It's exciting, the thought of him or her returning without seeing me. I will see them undress. I hear clothing being unzipped. I wake up.

1FKA, 2MSA, 2MOA

HA D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0022

2015

06/15/2015

M

A

I'm telling someone about an Army Green Beret. Then I can't breathe. I'm struggling for air but I can't breathe. I wake up. [I have this kind of dream once or twice a month.]

1IOA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0023

2015

06/15/2015

M

A

I'm in a big old-fashioned school. I'm about thirty years old. There are no classes, just many high school students partying, and I join in. At one point I steal a large knife and walk through busy hallways with it, then hide it under my trousers beneath my sock. Then the school is nearly empty. I want to stay but I leave by jumping down a long staircase. Now I'm outside in desolate highlands. There are no trees, only mounds and rows of dry earth instead of mountains. There are school children nearby. Everyone is happy. I take a path that leads to many trees and branches that must be climbed up or over in order to get past. I'm singing. There's an old man just behind me. We're both good at finding our way through this thicket. It's like rock climbing. The goal is to some other place. Recollection ends here.

2JSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0024

2015

06/15/2015

M

A

I'm with my friends from Veterans for Peace. I have an idea for a play. It's based on a photo I took of my platoon in VN. When the new picture is taken, we are all dressed in bulky but fashionable clothes dyed in earthy reds and browns. We look a bit like Taliban, or Arab fighters. We will tour the country. At a train station, we stand like the platoon in the photo. I'm the leader, and I want people to see me, to know that. My mood is very good. Recollection ends.

2MKA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0025

2015

06/16/2015

M

A

[having spent the afternoon with Erin. She hopes to leave the US for France soon.] I'm with Erin. We're in the country. It's our final time together. It's just understood. We care for each other very much. I go into a bar, looking for the owner. I walk towards a man who I mistake for him. We hold eye contact as I walk forward. He looks familiar-like someone from life. Both of us become aggressive. I need to bluff him and challenge him to a fight. We are almost fighting, grabbing each other. He has my throat. He is so confident. Another man, behind him, is watching. We agree to fight later. Erin waits outside and sees none of this. We meet friends. We spend time together. We go for a walk at night, very much in love. I'm waiting for the right moment to tell her about the fight. I know that the man watching and the man I mistook for the owner have it in for me. And I know that he is the better fighter. I have concern, not fear. Erin and I reach an old wooden porch. She wants to sit down. Thorny brambles cover the seat; still, it's possible to sit down. I tell her about the fight. I ask a favor. To call the police if the fight gets bad. Recollection ends here.

1FKA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 2ISA, 1ISA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0026

2015

06/16/2015

M

A

I'm walking in the big yard of my grammar school. I'm just leaving when two people who work there pass by. One of them, a black man, is wearing a starched Army fatigue shirt, buttoned at the collar. I want to tell him it looks silly, but I say nothing. I walk past someone who knows me. He begins to say my name loudly, then goes quiet. I warn him not to give me away. I tell him I know that the two people want to kill me. I tell him I'm going to tell the police, who will come here and arrest them. Recollection ends here.

2IOA, 1MEA, 1MSA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0027

2015

06/17/2015

M

A

I'm with two or three other people on the shoreline of a large lake or the ocean. We're here to fish. I climb up on a tall platform. I'm looking out to the horizon. It grows dark. I see something far away in the water. I shout to the others "Listen up! Listen up!" but my voice is not loud. I feel an ominous presence. I'm fearful. I wake up.

2ISA

AP D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0028

2015

06/17/2015

M

A

It's night. I'm in a bedroom similar to backpacker guesthouses in Asia and Central America. It's made of concrete blocks, not well lit, somewhat grim and spartan. I can't sleep. I have to make sure the door is locked. I get out of bed. In Spanish I say, "Hey buddy, what's happening, man?" I turn the doorknob and am surprised that the door is unlocked. When I press against the door, it feels like someone is pushing back, but it's only the wind. Still, I'm fearful. I wake up.

CO D, AP D

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0029

2015

06/19/2015

M

A

I'm in a large cinder block building, similar to an airplane hangar or warehouse. I'm waiting to see Joe, a feisty old man who worked at a sweet shop when I was young. In the dream, he runs a general merchandise store. Other customers wait for him too. I'm with someone else, a friend. We begin to argue over something he's said. It's a misunderstanding I could have let pass. I go to another part of the store. I see a man who looks like Joe, but it's his son. Another young man approaches me. It seems like I know him from life. He has an ornately trimmed beard. He wants to show me his artwork. We walk to an open area. He's very friendly, very sincere. He points to canvas workbags he has painted red. There is little skill involved. I tell him it's really good. I'm aware this is the right thing to do. Then I go back in the store. I see Joe. He is much younger than I expected. He wears his hair in a Mohawk. He doesn't recognize me. Then I say goodbye to my friend, or to the younger man I met. I'm shaking his hand. I'm talking to him. When I wake up, I'm saying, "It was nice meeting you."

1MKA, 2JSA, 1MKA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0030

2015

06/21/2015

M

A

I'm hanging with a high school crowd. I'm in conflict with a punk, who I knew in real life. The police come. He's now in trouble. After sticking around for a while, I don't feel safe and decide to leave. It's dark and raining. I'm walking in the pitch black through thick vegetation. There's a deep ditch to watch out for. I arrive at a house similar to those of my childhood. I walk through the house to the back door and try to lock it. As I'm doing this, some of the high school crowd arrives. The punk is with them. I tell him he has to leave. We start to grapple. I wake up.

2JKA, 1MKA, 2MOA, 2JKA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0031

2015

06/21/2015

M

A

I'm on another planet in a large cave with a high ceiling. The cave contains a variety of large equipment. A voice tells us that we are going to be used in an experiment. A thick billowing cloud, like tear gas, begins to fill the cave. There's no way out. I wake up.

1ISA

vietnam_vet2

Vietnam Vet: 2015 dreams

0032

2015

06/22/2015

M

A

There's a man on a bus in the driver's seat who has taken a little boy hostage. He has a knife to the boy's throat. I volunteer to take the boy's place. When I go up to the man, he is now docile. In this moment I have to decide what to do. I take the man's hand. I lead him out of the bus. We will walk toward another man named Ali, who I call out to, and who will make things right. I tell the hostage-taking man everything will be OK. The neighborhood we are passing through resembles the area where my mother once had a store. As we walk, my brother passes by and says something to me. The hostage-taking man lets my hand go and begins to drift away from where we are headed. I wake up.

1MSC, 1MSA, 1MSA, 1FKA, 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0001

2016-2017

2016-09-05

M

A

I'm in Honduras at some kind of border crossing. A wide corridor of thick fenced scrub is off on either side.. Everything is grim, sinister, ominous. A few peasants silently plod up or down the hilly earth. It's a miserable, gloomy place. Everything feels cloaked in darkness. I try going forward, but after a time, something says "Danger, turn back." Not taking the winding paths, I trudge up the steep hills, making the work twice as hard, like my first treks in Guatemala in 1992. At a hilltop, I begin to choke for air. I make gasping sounds, I'm suffocating, dying.

2MEA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0002

2016-2017

2016-09-06

M

A

I'm talking with a young Hispanic man. He's someone I know, or someone famous, Carlos Santana? This man is patient, loving, kind. "You know, God loves you," he says. "I suppose so," I say, "if you accept that reality." We continue talking.

1MKA, 1MPA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0003

2016-2017

2016-09-08

M

A

I'm part of a bomber crew flying over a European or Balkan city. We're flying low, 200-300 feet off the ground. At a designated signal, the bombs are dropped over a wooded, jungle-like area. As we fly over the dense forest, I can partially see the smoke and flames through the aircraft's small windows. I hear the bombs exploding. The bomber crew "ooohs and aaahs" enthusiastically. The scene changes. I'm hanging from the first story of a large brick building. Across the street, about 100 meters away, another man, much higher up, is doing the same. Through my pants, I feel and then see a long swollen welt, like a large worm, or engorged leech, attached to my thigh. I'm bleeding. I shout to the men in the plane overhead, "Hey, fella's, I'm hit!" My shout alerts the enemy. The other dangling man drops to the ground. It's a long fall. He's likely dead. I drop to the ground. In an alley, I run to a large wooden barn door, painted Army green. Is it locked? I manage to push or slide it open it as a blond muscular man chases me. I enter the building, a large and empty warehouse-like room, with tall ceilings and a smooth cement floor. The blond man rushes in. I try to escape but he captures me. Moments later, four or five other men, storm into the room. Dressed in great coats they perform a dazzling display of martial arts. Then it's over. I'm a POW. There's no escape.

2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA, 2MOA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0004

2016-2017

2016-09-08

M

A

I'm with my friend Joan outside a large church-like building. We're here to see an exhibit or hear someone talk. There are many people hoping to attend. Before entering the building, we look at the plants and trees. I make a silly remark about a fan-like tree leaf and feel momentary regret. As the line begins to move, we enter a low, crowded hallway. A man, possibly a priest, appears from a door way. He's stern, brusque. He says there are too many people. "If you've already been here, you have to leave. That will take care of the metrics." Near us, a tall, handsome blonde haired man, wearing a suit and tie, appears visibly hurt by these remarks. Then Joan and I walk into a large room taken up by two enormous square tables ringed by folding chairs. It's hard to get to the seats. I look about. Where is Joan? I've lost sight of her.

1FKA, 2JSA, 1MOA, 1MSA

SD D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0005

2016-2017

2016-09-10

M

A

I'm living with roommates in the basement of a house similar to the home of my childhood friend Frank. My area has a bookcase, which is organized and neat, but all around me are the clothes and Christmas decorations that belong to someone else. A roommate comes by. I ask him, "Who owns this stuff?" He comes too close; I fear he will fall on me and harm my hernias. Dogs appear. One has my right wrist in its jaws. The other has my legs in its mouth. I can't see them, but hear and feel their growls, the touch of their teeth. I yell, "Stop! Stop it!" several times, each time louder than the next. The dogs aren't vicious. They appear to be playing. But I have fear. I'm yelling, "Stop it!"

1MKA, 1ISA, 2ANI

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0006

2016-2017

2016-09-10

M

A

With Jacque my Swiss friend I'm in a house similar to my friend Frank's childhood home. We're downstairs, with one or two intimidating men. Jacque is naked; he asks me to examine him. Unembarrassed, he squats on his hands and knees, exposing his anus. Visually, I inspect it. I ask if he's been raped. He indicates one of the intimidating men. He says it went in six inches. He has pain. I tell him I don't see anything. I ask if he has a discharge. He says "No," but a small greenish particle falls from his penis and lands on his nose. I say, "We should leave this place." We enter a car driven by John the VA therapist. He drives around the house and takes a tight turn too fast. We nearly crash into a neighboring home. I say, "That would have been really bad." We drive away.

1MKA, 2MSA, 1MSA, 1MKA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0007

2016-2017

2016-09-11

M

A

I'm in a foreign land. There's a war going on. I decide to escape and climb over a large, tall hill or dirt embankment. Just before I go, a wild looking Hindu man approaches. We talk. He asks my destination. I tell him I have parents but no home. He offers to help me find several Hindu cities and towns that are written on a map or large piece of paper. I need water. I'm thinking, I'll drink contaminated water and get diarrhea, but I need water. There is a meeting with four other prisoners. We discuss money. I ask if one's bank account is shut down if one escapes. No, it is not. We discuss dates. Each of us has a release date. Mine is October 6th, only thirty-two days from now. To leave or to wait. What to do. Leave and risk, or wait and endure?

1MSA, 2JKA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0008

2016-2017

2016-09-12

M

A

It's night. I'm a guest on the top floor of a very large old house. The owner (someone I know) and I are waiting for someone, or something to arrive. He gives me a tear gas pen which has a small light. Later, I'm wearing an LED headlamp. My room, like the rest of the house, is piled with artifacts, furniture, many old things. There is a sense of foreboding, of vague danger. The lights go on and off. I go to a room where my mother is sleeping and ask her what's going on. Next, I'm speaking with the owner. We agree no one is arriving. On a table in a hallway crowded with bric-a-brac, I see a book. It's by a Russian author, a collection of poetry, or a play, or short stories. It's been translated, or is a hybrid of English and Russian. It must be 3 or 4 a.m. The owner says his friend is going out into the night. He uses a phrase that connotes seeking sex. I do not go with him.

1MKA, 1ISA, 1FKA

AP D

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0009

2016-2017

2016-09-14

M

A

I'm walking in a familiar neighborhood and decide to enter a house where the family, who are lively, active and happy, trust me, though I have other purposes in mind. The husband and wife, a young couple, are preparing dinner as I nonchalantly walk in. The wife, who is tall, young and beautiful, is wearing a long light-green gown. We watch the white silhouette of a large lobster swim in the clear water of a lake or aquarium. The creature swims about looking for food. How does it eat? Suddenly it darts upward and snares a large moth. I'm the first to see it, and tell the husband and wife. We're excited, but I have others purposes in mind. I'm young. I feel very alive.

2JKA, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1ANI

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0010

2016-2017

2016-09-15

M

A

I've been traveling, and am now in Switzerland at a posh mountain hotel. I'm with other people in a large spacious room, a kind of hall; the walls are made of glass. There's a dance or social function taking place. I'm with another man, a friend or acquaintance. I'm wearing very colorful jeans, clothing I would not ordinarily wear. I begin talking to an attractive woman with short blonde hair. She remarks about the jeans. I say, "I saw them and had to buy them." A criminal-like man enters the room through its glass doors. He is unctuous, intimidating. At one point he socializes with us, then becomes angry at my friend, lifting him up, almost fighting him. My friend owes him a gambling debt. I intervene, telling the intruder to leave. He backs off, appears to go, but loiters outside, before slinking back to the glass door. I walk over to him. In the doorway, I say, "I'm warning you. I'm going to hurt you." He leaves, but not for long. The woman has left. I want to find her, and go outside. It's beautiful here. I'm relaxed.

2JSA, 1MKA, 1FSA, 1MSA

AN 1MKA

vietnam_vet3

Vietnam Vet: 2016-17 dreams

0011

2016-2017

2016-09-16

M

A

My brother and I are in an airport. We've just returned from a trip. I realize that I've lost my baseball cap. My brother has lost his too. A kind old woman says to me, "I bet it's under the dresser." I walk toward the dresser. I say, "What makes you think that?" She says, "You'll see. Just look." But I'm reluctant to get on my hands and knees.

1MKA, 1FSA