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DreamBank-annotated

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van

Van: a video gamer

169

2007-

07/21/09

M

A

Walking around an area like a big square in the city with friends from work, including Simon. He was headed the other direction, trying to network with someone, who was heading elsewhere. He joined our group when he passed us.

2IKA, 1MKA, 1ISA

van

Van: a video gamer

170

2007-

07/21/09

M

A

Trying to find someone in the woods with an infrared scope through the trees in a game like paintball. I had a partner and felt like I could win. I got one bad guy, and found another, but couldn't ID him because the campfire he started in front of him was obscuring my equipment. I couldn't recognize his heat signature.

1ISA, 1MSA

van

Van: a video gamer

171

2007-

07/24/09

M

A

My compatriots mess up the log contraption as we're trying to make it through the swampy part of the Indian-made booby trapped path because if you step on a grave, bad things happen. We fall in, but nothing horrible happens. They took apart the trampoline type thing. In a bistro outside the city where I work. Covered. People are taking down and selling signs. I see a main thoroughfare, and then Main Street and Center Street. I live between them. Playing soccer with these kids. They're smart allecky. I score two goals. Starts off as I leave my apartment and walk past a half-soccer field set up as part of a campus behind my building. There are two Mexicans and Arabs playing there.

2MKA, 2JSA, 2JEA, 2MEA

van

Van: a video gamer

172

2007-

07/24/09

M

A

I'm trying to get high. I think I do. Inside a place where several friends are staying. Like a hostel. I wait for a girl to get out of the bath. Another female friend helps her because we want to use the shower. She tries to do yoga.

2JKA, 1FKA, 1FKA

van

Van: a video gamer

173

2007-

07/24/09

M

A

I'm riding on public transportation. I don't have a place to stay. I ride the train all the way down to the ferry. I need to shower. There is a shower on the public transport, but no light. I try to use it while moving, but it's hard. I want to watch the news and get something to drink. I walk around in a place that reminds me of Spain or somewhere out in a suburb of the city and I find a bodega with chairs on the sidewalk.

van

Van: a video gamer

174

2007-

07/26/09

M

A

I'm an architect living with my single mom, who's like Nancy from Weeds (a TV show). I meet a girl. Her mom is a spy. We hit it off immediately. We are in my house. It's a large house. I'm writing a story about the agency. That's how I meet her. She's young. Still in school. She rides in a car with me. We have sex in the hallway of a building as we're leaving. She starts it. It begins as a generic apartment building but turns into a house. Nancy comes out with a gun when the spy mom sneaks in to case the place and find out who I am. I watch her like in a movie as she snoops around my messy bedroom and closet and tries to discern things about me.

1FKA, 1FKA, 1FKA

van

Van: a video gamer

175

2007-

07/29/09

M

A

There is a causeway made from gray bricks leading across a body of water. I can't see far off the edges. It is perhaps foggy. There is fauna on the banks along this causeway. The banks are muddy and there are a few trees. But it's not the most pleasant kind. There are many snakes. I am curious by them, but there are so many, it's unnerving, especially with so many under just one tree that I fell down underneath. I got up quickly, in case any were poisonous. One of them caught my eye. I couldn't believe it, because it looked like a blue-clouded python. There is no such thing as a clouded python, but there are clouded boas and clouded leopards, both exceedingly rare. The point was, I found a bluish snake that I knew was rare and a good find. I was worried the python would eat the lizards I had collected, which were lined up near the end of the causeway. Someone knocked them over and they all went running away.

2ANI, 1ISA, 1ANI, 2ANI

AP D, CO D

van

Van: a video gamer

176

2007-

07/29/09

M

A

I am at a house I haven't been to before, but am working. There is an old professor of mine there, or an old man with some clout in my life. He is influential. He asks for my help to get away from this place. I help him out. He gives me a guidebook. I ask him how he manages his condition. He has a medical condition of some kind. He shows me a bag of weed. I laugh.

1MKA

van

Van: a video gamer

177

2007-

07/31/09

M

A

I was in a part of a nearby city with a train yard and some bodegas and run down houses. I was there scouting for a movie that I was writing. The project was uncertain at first, but later I got a preview of a press release from Columbia Pictures with my name on it announcing the upcoming film, which I hadn't even written in full yet. This bothered me. There were movie industry people all around me telling me it would be fine and I shouldn't worry about the deadlines. I took their word for it, but was still worrying I wouldn't be able to turn out a good enough product in time. They had script doctors, though, I'm sure. But I didn't want them. I could get it right. This was my first movie. I got onto a bus that would take me to a new location. It was night when I got off. Chantalle (a friend I sleep with from time to time) was there. I hadn't seen her in a while. People were sitting inside drinking. It felt like a bar I know on a vacation island. It had that gritty sweet smell, like fried conch fritters and honey dressing. I went over to her and we began talking. She wrapped her arm around my neck. We went to a more private area, like a couch in the dark yard at night, and we began kissing. I remember my hand on her bare thigh. She was wearing a dress. Her skin was so soft and white. I went down on her, and she began moaning. Then, suddenly, she got up and said I can't do this with you. She ran off to her car. I didn't know why.

2JOA, 1FKA, 2JSA

AP D

van

Van: a video gamer

178

2007-

07/31/09

M

A

I was in a valley filled with pine, between massive sweeping snow-capped mountains. There was a trail that led across the basin around the lake in the middle. I had a camera. There were animals that were unafraid. A red raccoon came nearby, and I began to photograph it in detail.

2ANI, 1ANI

van

Van: a video gamer

179

2007-

08/03/09

M

A

I am working out of a place that reminds me of the EU parliament in Brussels or the area around the UN in New York. It's international and political, with all the intrigue and maneuvering and people with political capital and agendas milling about. They are gathered for a big event of some kind. I am there covering it in some capacity for the newspaper where I now work. There are several other reporters and news sources there, though I feel like I have a better grasp of the undercurrent of real stuff going on. The official line isn't what it seems. There is a summit of some kind. But also a bad plot. A very bad plot, and I feel I am being perhaps manipulated to further an end I don't know about. There are steps lining the side of a cliff, sort of like the park overlooking the UN. But much more elaborate. Made of wood, the queue at a themed Disney ride or something, with rope rails. People are lined up for their turn at something, or to be let into an event at an auditorium nearby. I cut through to get to the front. I am told to give something to someone. It is Manny Paquiao, the boxer, who is a delegate from the Philippines and a material witness in something important. It's an international bomb plot that was being planned. Outside a British ministry, where they have vast stores of underground bombs, a bomber set something off not long ago and the bomb went through the building and into the ground and set off all the explosives, causing massive damage. They were now trying to find the cause of that and keeping another similar event from happening. I felt I had to work harder, since my competition, fellow reporter Simon, who is British, inherently knew more than I did at the beginning. I felt I may have been indirectly responsible for the upcoming disaster, then realized they were just trying to keep me quiet because I had learned a terrible secret--two siblings, the product of incest, were separated from each other at birth and sent to live in foster homes -- but years later, they somehow met and got together, furthering the cycle. They were in political positions and this couldn't be revealed. Someone claimed they had video of me giving Paquiao medication that led to his heart attack. I started watching from afar as a Daniel Craig James Bond character began pursuing the real bad guys. There was action, like in bad action movies, from helicopters. Craig pulled up to a place on an ATV in full body armor, put a bullet proof vest to hang over each hand, had a gun in each hand, and walked into a warehouse and began shooting so nonchalantly.

2JSA, 1MPA, 1MOA, 1MSA, 1ISA, 1ISA, 1ISA

van

Van: a video gamer

180

2007-

08/04/09

M

A

I then stopped watching the movie type thing and came back into my character. I was walking through the inside of this house that was supposed to be an after-hours hangout for the media and political elite of the place. A place to network. I remember there were pictures from past events on the walls around the balcony of the multi-story townhouse (with carpet--I thought there should have been nicer wood floors); they showed men mixing with models, and there were also those career type young women in the bunch. I wondered if they resented the models, and if the models, wearing bright lipstick and tight clothes, resented the businesswomen, since they likely represented polar opposites of feminism. I came downstairs and talked to Andy Lewis, who was a pr flak who was on my side. I talked to him about a story idea I had that I wanted to pursue. Andy was a journalism friend from college who had a pr-ish nature about him. I then started talking to Kelly Newman, one of the young copy editors at the newspaper where I now work, who I get along with well and respect, about how we both agree that the stuff on this corporate structure handout being sent around is total bullshit. "I hate it when they create a bureaucracy that is supposed to approximate real life, but fails, and then they expect real life to conform to their bureaucracy."

2JPA, 2MSA, 1MKA, 1FKA, 1FKA

van

Van: a video gamer

181

2007-

08/04/09

M

A

I got the bill for my computer repair. They charged me $500 + a $75 fee without telling me. I was going to fight them. They said "likely" water damage. And I got pissed because they had no way to prove it.

1IOA

AN D

van

Van: a video gamer

182

2007-

08/05/09

M

A

I was inside the building of the newspaper where I now work, though it was vastly different. It's as if the newspaper tower and the television complex nearby had merged. There were the transparent glass stairs like in the Apple store and in much of the newspaper building architecture inside, though the building was much more sprawling, low and disorganized. There was a convention going on inside. Melinda, a managing editor, was the host for the speakers coming up to the lectern to give brief speeches. My name was somehow on the list. I did not expect this. But I ran up anyway, just as my time was about to expire. I gave a brief, but heartfelt speech. Some people made sounds of agreement to what I was saying (I forget exactly what I said). I left and went down the circular steps to this basement level--a part of the newspaper's building I haven't been to before. It was lined with light hardwoods and glass and a lot of natural light still, typical renzo piano design. A girl came down the hallway. She worked here, though I hadn't seen her before. We paused and looked at each other then passed each other by.

1FKA, 2JOA, 2JSA, 1FSA

van

Van: a video gamer

183

2007-

08/05/09

M

A

There were two girls walking behind me. They were talking about me. It didn't register, though one thought I had overheard. She came up to me. She said I'm sorry for my friend. She's like that. Though she was hitting on me too. I said I didn't mind, and asked them how things were going. The taller one (first girl to talk) asked if that happened to me a lot. A little embarrassed, I said, yeah, this is the third time this week. We kept walking and made small talk.

1FSA, 1FKA, 1FKA

AP D

van

Van: a video gamer

184

2007-

08/06/09

M

A

An epic road trip following the plot to a movie. My friend Cassie accused me of losing her camera gear after I had in fact found Kirsten's on the beach and rescued it. She was just upset at herself. This was in a resort town, near the beach. Though the layout reminded me of another beach town. There were water guns. Getting the jones dr pepper soda. Changing clothes. Fighting with the Russians. Being told I have five days to produce an epic story... and if I do, I get the investigative reporter job. Pitched to me by Karin in the newsroom. The water guns. Talking to the guy native in the resort town. Going into these kids' house for the night. Mostly girls. They like me and we tell them stories of our adventure. My companion is either my brother or a close friend.

1FKA, 1FKA, 2IEA, 1MEA, 2FSA, 1MEA

AN 1FKA

van

Van: a video gamer

185

2007-

08/07/09

M

A

I was in the back yard of a house near the rural forest area in Vermont or something like it. My family is there. We are on vacation; I find an old Thompson World War II gun in the house. We hear all kinds of noises in the back yard. I climb up into a wood fort that was built to see what the commotion was. Turns out, the woods were thick with animals. At first there were just raccoons. Many of them milling around. I hate raccoons. I took a shot at one. The gun, an automatic, was fairly inaccurate. I fired in bursts that made the muzzle climb. The raccoons ran off, but came back. Eventually, the animals grew bigger and more dangerous. Two black bears tried to enter the neighbor's house. I didn't want to shoot the house so I didn't shoot at them. Then there was a huge shape, like a big old wolf. It was stalking up the hill. It was big enough to be scary. My brother James and my sister were in the fort with me. I told them to stand away from the entrances. There were two, located to one side of the thing that was built like a tree house. It's good the entrances were near each other, I thought, because it would be easier to defend. My siblings picked up 2x4s and held them en garde toward the open doors. I fired shot after shot and the wolf ran away. Then there was a puma or panther climbing on a nearby roof. It was also big enough to be deadly. I fired. It ran away also. I wasn't sure if I had hit anything. The gun felt sort of weak. Then two more bears appeared in the water below. They were swimming after fish. My brother Gerald appeared, and started to reach in after them. I told him to stop, not only because the bears were big and dangerous, but because if they attacked him, they would have to be killed by the park rangers. I like bears and I didn't want to see them hurt. I shoot in the water to make them go away. They ran away under the dock. I wondered where they all sleep during the day, since there are so many in such a small area and few places to hide. A giant freshwater stingray appears in the water. To test the gun, I fire one shot at its large, un-missable shape floating in the shallows, and it starts bleeding. I check. I have 18 shots left. I then see the neighbors in the nearby house across a big field searching their own property. I want to say hello and introduce myself as the new neighbor, since everyone else would have been too shy, I climbed down and began to walk over. Then, in the open field, a black bear appears. There may have also been a lion, but it ran away. In the middle of the field, it got closer. I yelled at my brothers and my sister to climb up into the neighbors raised fort platform. They don't see the danger. I stand my ground in the field to keep the bear back. It is all black but has a white tuft on the top of its head. It begins to charge. I shoot. They seem to have no effect. I wait for it to get closer. I measure my ammo. I shot again. Nothing. Then, knowing I only have one burst left, I wait until it is almost on top of me, then pull the trigger. I aim for its face. I see its teeth and tongue hanging out. It crumples before me, looking small and weak suddenly. I see another, smaller, bear and worry now that I am out of ammo. But I realize it is the cub of the bear I had just killed. I was sad. I thought it might be best just to kill it. But I had no ammo. It wouldn't survive in the wild on its own. I raised the butt of the rifle to kill it (the Thompson had turned into a shotgun - one I had bought, or was thinking of buying, in the dream before this one that's hazier). Then my mother showed up and the bear ran to her. It climbed up and she held it. She said she'd take care of it. I went over and petted the little bear. I said Ok, but just know it will never be able to go back into the wild and will need to live in a special facility. I dragged the bear carcass over to the neighbor's back porch. They were rednecks. They had guns themselves. They seemed welcoming enough. There was the wife, the husband and at least one kid. I told them I killed this bear. I wondered if they had a scale. They didn't answer immediately. I thought it was silly to drag a dead animal with you when meeting someone for the first time. But I suppose that was common here. I put the bear on a bathroom scale they had out. It came in at 90 pounds. I thought it was much bigger. It was bigger when it was running at me. I was disappointed. Then the husband gave me a hanging scale. I hung it up onto the garage door track. And put the hook into the bear's mouth to hoist it. Same or similar weight, though the thing was hard to use. It had all kinds of temp readings on it, and a radio tuner for some reason. Later I was walking down the street to get out of town and drive back home. I then started driving. There was so much traffic. I didn't want to get caught up in any of the traffic. So I decided to get out and wait it out. I got out and started walking. A girl got out of a bus. She was driving. She was young and pretty, with long, straight dirty blonde hair. She asked if I was Eric. She had heard things. Good things. I was a growing legend around there. She asked if it was true I was a world-class diver. I said, well, maybe not world class. But I did kill a bear. I thought to myself, next, it's going to grow into I killed a bear with my bare hands. She said she had to go off and tell her friend she met me.

2ANI, 1ANI, 2ANI, 1MKA, 1ANI, 2ANI, 1FKA, 2ANI

AP D

van

Van: a video gamer

186

2007-

08/08/09

M

A

Dreamed I was on top of a hill. There were ancient gothic type buildings built into it, or something that felt that way. There was an antagonist. He was chasing me. I felt like I could always dodge him or it, but he kept trying to get at me. There was some sort of strange social circle surrounding this; it was part of like a co-op. I was there only temporarily. It was going to come to an end soon -- or I was leaving -- and I was trying to get people together to have a party. The rooms were open, like gazebos, and made from wood.

1MSA, 2JSA

van

Van: a video gamer

187

2007-

08/09/09

M

A

Working like mad. I need to finish a story. It's about a pretty twisted guy involved in voodoo or something like that who was caught, and I have exclusive material. It can be an amazing story. Though my deadline is coming up, and I didn't have nearly enough already written. The nut graf. I can never get the nut graf in time. But when I do, it's so easy. I had just minutes to go. And the story was all in pieces. My editor, was starting to call. I didn't want to check my e-mail. I knew questions would be stacking up. Javier, a co-worker, came over and offered me some advice. It was good I took it. He's a good guy.

1MSA, 1FKA, 1MKA

van

Van: a video gamer

188

2007-

08/09/09

M

A

I was in a rainy city. I was inside a high building floor. There were some strange people there. Antagonists. They tried to jab me with a needle full of something to make me pass out so they could I don't know what. The makeup of the group was two ugly girls and their chubby gay cohorts. They jabbed me with the needle as I was resting in one of the rooms. I threw them away and I ran. I didn't know what they were trying to do that for or why. I fought my way passed them and felt the drugs beginning to take effect. I made it outside, like a rainy section of old part of the town where I work, with everything gray and the streets more isolated, with grassy planters and bridges and road archways. I got away.

2FSA, 2FSA

van

Van: a video gamer

189

2007-

08/09/09

M

A

I was driving around the town where I went to high school. It was night. Late night. I was trying to find a place to write. I was going through my notes on my computer, and as I scrolled, the road moved with me. The car moved in reverse along the street. I had a hard time steering with one hand and writing. Then, like video, the world changed and began playing forward in real scenes places I have been that I had supposedly written about, like full motion video. And I could interact. Copy editor Emily Sherbourne was there. It was mildly antagonistic. We tease each other. We were doing that then in a flirty way. Before I began driving, I was in a building that was supposed to be the newspaper building where I work, but much less transparent. It was solid. The elevator opened up and Emily came in. We chatted. Then the doors opened again and it was the actress Cameron Diaz. She said to call her Cam. This was surprising. We rode down and made small talk.

1FKA, 1FPA

CO D

van

Van: a video gamer

190

2007-

08/09/09

M

A

I found myself climbing out of a reef. It was almost built into a building, half outside. I had fallen asleep under water with scuba gear on as I was watching the fish and coral. I woke up and gently rested on some live coral. I was afraid I would hurt it and that it could sting me. Then I realized how long I had been under water and climbed out. My hands and feet were very wrinkled. I'd stayed in too long.

2ANI

AP D

van

Van: a video gamer

191

2007-

08/09/09

M

A

After driving around the town where I went to high school, I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot to find a place to write. It was near the beverage castle near a neighborhood by the gray-blue painted strip mall. The Starbucks there was new. It was open until 10:30 p.m. I tried to find a parking space. A Porsche had snuck in and taken one. I backed out and just found another one. A girl from high school I knew but didn't want to talk to was pulling out in an old pickup truck. She was one of those who tried, but has a shitty career and would do nothing but whine about it and then I'd feel bad talking about "everything I'd been up to". I went in and a girl started talking to me as I was leaving after she stepped on my foot. Sorry, she said. Then she glanced back. Are you here for the fundraiser? A fundraiser-looking cosmetics sales thing was going on inside the Starbucks with a joint area, like those combo taco bells/kfcs. No, I'm a reporter, I said. I work for a newspaper. She was impressed and acted like she knew me. I went outside and then somebody's mom from high school came up and started talking to me. Though I didn't remember her and had forgotten her name. She was a hot mom, however. She then started to pitch her charity/fundraiser. I listened along to be polite and pretended to be curious.

1FKA, 1FSA, 1FKA, 1FKA

van

Van: a video gamer

192

2007-

08/09/09

M

A

I was sleeping on an air mattress in my friend Stephanie's apartment. It deflated. So I inflated it. I was worried that it was too full. I sat on it. It wasn't. I went out to take a shower. I was worried Stephanie and Mark would be awake. I didn't want to go walking through their apartment too early in my underwear and disturb their day. It had slept in -- it was 11:30 a.m. already. Nobody was awake. I was in luck.

1FKA, 1MKA

AP D, AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

1

1995

04/16/95

F

C

My mom and I were in the grocery store. I went over to the free cookie area. And this guy gave me a cookie. I had seen the cookies, and they were pretend grasshoppers. I saw a little spider go by (on the cookie). I said, "Oh, I don't like this cookie." I thought it was gross. But then all these other kids came. I took the cookie. I don't know what happened after that about the cookie. The guy behind the counter gave us dolls. We did something with the dolls, and then we put them back. I walked away to where my mom was. This lady came up to me and said, "Do you want a ride someplace in the university?" I said, "No, we need a ride to family housing." I remember her in another dream in a grocery store asking that. I just walked off with my mom.

1FKA, 1MSA, 2ANI, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1FKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

2

1995

04/16/95

F

C

This guy had a hut, and he lost the people he was with. he was cowboy. Then he saw his mates going by on horses. Native Americans were leading them. They captured the cowboys, and they made them go naked on the horses. The guy who had the hut didn't get captured. He said, "Hey, where are you going? Can I come?" They (the captured cowboys) said, "Don't come with us. You don't want to come like this. They made us be naked on horses." It was all guys (in the dream). It was like watching a movie.

2MSA, 2MOA, 2ANI

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

3

1995

04/16/95

F

C

I was fighting against other people; guys and girls. And I had other people (guys and girls) with me. I was running through the forest hoping that they wouldn't catch us. There were swords and stuff up in the trees. We grabbed them (the swords) when we saw the people. We fought with the swords. Then we ran away. I felt like I wanted to fight, but I also felt fear.

2JSA, 2JSA

AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

4

1995

04/16/95

F

C

There was this tight circle, and there was this really little girl. I was standing next to my mom. A guy with straight dark hair was behind us, and he had a gun. I was frightened. I ran away. Then this lady told me to go up these stairs. They were really steep. I went up there. A little while later the mother and the sister went up those stairs, and they found the skeleton of the little girl.

1FSC, 1FKA, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1FKA

AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

5

1995

04/17/95

F

C

I was at a pizza place. They asked if I would like white or dark pizza. I was confused and said, "How about the pizza we had last night?" My mom was with me. I didn't know the people in the pizza place.

1FKA, 2JSA

CO D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

6

1995

04/17/95

F

C

This was a place where you can play with all these toys. It's kind of like Toys R Us. I lost a ball I just got, and I was really frantic. I'm walking around, and I see other balls. But I don't see the ball I lost that my mom just bought me at the store. I'm playing with all these toys a little as I go on. Finally, I just stop, and I sit there and look at these toys. This guy comes up to me and says, "Are you looking for something?" I said, "I'm looking for a ball." He took something from a bag. He said, "Is this your ball?" And I said, "Yeah, that's my ball."

1FKA, 1MSA

AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

7

1995

04/18/95

F

C

My sister Valerie (15 years old), my mom and I were all in Mom's bedroom. We saw this ghost appear. The door was closed, and the door opened. We told it to go. Then we went in our room and went to sleep. The next morning or the next night we saw another ghost. We thought this was really scary. The ghost was white, and it had the kind of head that Casper has. I told it to go to the light.

1FKA, 1FKA, 1MKA, 1MKA

AP 1FKA+D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

8

1995

04/20/95

F

C

Mom and I were at these rows of phones, and this guy was putting the phones everywhere. The phones didn't work; pay phones. We saw this bus. We ran up a hill to catch it but the bus was already going down the hill. I was waving my arms, but it didn't stop. So we went into this building, and we went into this elevator kind of thing. It wouldn't let us out. This was a little scary. This thing's voice said it would see our emotions. Then we went through this thing. Then we were outside and we were watching something. These people were smashing bottles. These police came out. One guy said, "Don't step on that." The policeman stepped on it. There was a pile of glass. He yelled, and they carried him away. It was kind of funny to me because I didn't see any blood.

1FKA, 1MSA, 2JSA, 1MOA

AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

9

1995

04/20/95

F

C

Wendy 8-year-old friend and her brother (10 years old) were packing. Wendy's brother's bed wasn't there. There was a bunch of junk that had been under it (which is true in real life) except I found this picture of me. On the back it said, "I love Vickie." This was written by Wendy's brother. I showed Wendy. We went outside. It was sent. I thought, "Oh, my god," because I don't really like Wendy's brother.

1FKC, 1MKA, 1MKC

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

10

1995

04/21/95

F

C

I knocked on Sally's door (9-year-old friend). Her dad said that they were going out someplace, and that I could come with them. We went to this place. It was a fun place that these two girls had made up. The first thing we did was go down the slide. There's a wire in the middle and you spring up in the air. You hold onto the wire, and you go back onto the slide, and you slide down. The slide was really fun and exciting. Then there's this little house thing. It had all these nice clothes: cowboy hats, fur, sparkly things, everything you could imagine that you could dress up in. I couldn't find all of it. The dream ended when I was trying to find something to wear.

1FKC, 1MKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

11

1995

04/22/95

F

C

I think my dream had my mom and my sister Valerie in it. But I didn't really see her. This guy from downtown was trying to break in. He finally opened the lock. I ran after him because he was going upstairs into my mom's room. I said, "How would you like not to be Valerie's friend. Why don't you just rob yourself?" I said, "Why don't you rob your mother?" He said he lives with this girl named Bess.

1FKA, 1FKA, 1MSA, 1FKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

12

1995

04/25/95

F

C

We got this new house. It was really, really big. Allison (11-year-old former neighbor, Jeb (8-year-old neighbor), and Mary (5-year-old sister of Jeb) came over. I went in this room, and they tried to trap me. But I got out and that was the end of them. I felt like Ð just go away; this is my house. We were looking through all these really nice rooms. A hospital was on top of us. We went to the store. It was one of those really, really scary stores that was supposed to be scary. The store was in our house. In the dream I was thinking, "Hey, I've seen that in another dream." And I have. Doug (sister Valerie's boyfriend) was there. He went with us. He went off into his truck and just drove away. And there's supposed to be a ghost in there.

1FKC, 1MKA, 1FKA, 1MKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

13

1995

04/26/95

F

C

Valerie, Nancy (19-year-old sister) and I were in the house alone. Nancy went outside to smoke a cigarette. This man and this lady came up to her and grabbed her arms. They held a gun to her and said, "Where's your mom's money?" We told them we don't have any money. They took out a gun. I said, "Fine, we have lots of money." Then Nancy came up to me and said, "We don't have that much money." I said, "I know. I'm tricking them." They said they would come back. Nancy left, and I was the only one there. I locked all the doors. I ran and I called for help because I knew they were going to come soon. I was scared. I thought they might kill Nancy. I was also scared that we might lose our money. I saw this guy, Mark; he was from my school. I said, "Help me!" There was this other man. Nancy and I were running outside and trying not to be seen. We ran up to this place that was a bar, and we got a drink of soda.

1FKA, 1FKA, 1MSA, 1FSA, 1MKA

AP D, AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

14

1995

04/28/95

F

C

There were these cowboys traveling. They were really good trainers, and they trained these buffalo to carry their stuff while they were on the horses. They went to this fort. This man, who was the head of the fort, gave them a sheet promising that they wouldn't kill the buffalo. Except it was the opposite on the sheet. He thought maybe they couldn't read, but they could read. They said, "We need another sheet." So finally he had to sign the thing, saying they wouldn't kill the buffalo because they carried the cowboys' things. When they were trying to find the sheet, the guy said that his mother was in charge. At the top of the sheet, it said, "Sam" something. And, he said his mother's name was Samantha. He was just trying not to sign it, but the cowboys wouldn't be tricked. They were smart. So he finally signed it. Finally, it was the day that they were going, and they saw that one buffalo was missing. They saw a Native American riding off on the buffalo. They got a rope, and they roped the Native American around the waist. The buffalo was already roped, and the Native American didn't see the rope because the rope was really long. The cowboys said, "Do you want to walk or do you want to be dragged?" The Native American said, "I'm sorry. I'll just walk." He walked over to them, and they finally unroped him. I don't know what happened to the Native American. But the cowboys rode off with the buffalo. I was just watching. I wasn't in the dream.

2MOA, 2ANI, 1MSA, 1ANI, 1MEA, 1ANI

SD 1MKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

15

1995

04/30/95

F

C

I am in a tree, and Nancy is standing on the ground. I'm handing her papers from the tree, and she's reading them. They are dreams (written on the papers). It was fun sitting in the tree handing her dreams.

1FKA

HA D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

16

1995

05/02/95

F

C

There was this girl from school. She came up to me and said, "I thought you were going to be cool. Well, I'm going to test you. Why don't you come over to my house and see my real saw (tool)?" Wendy was with me. And a lady, who was supposed to be Wendy's mother, said, "Well, you go with her." We had to go up this steep hill, and lots of people were there. I had a long dress on. People were taking pictures of us. And Donald from my class picked me up and hung me over the edge. I said, "Wendy, go tell my mom." But he put me back down. Then the girl from school laughed.

1FKA, 1FKA, 2JSA, 1FSA, 1MKA, 1FKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

17

1995

05/02/95

F

C

Nancy, Mom, and I were looking in a store for a card for Grandma to bring to her grave. We couldn't find a perfect card. We were thinking about how terrible my Uncle Dick is. We saw this one card. It was really pretty, but it was expensive.

1FKA, 1FKA, 1MKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

18

1995

05/04/95

F

C

It started out, it was Nancy and me. We were getting this little girl from this woman. I didn't know the woman and the little girl. We got her (the little girl) and we put her in school. She was a little younger than me. I was looking for my mom. I went to this club where my aunt, who was a stranger, worked. She said, "Oh, why don't you dance for us? We need a dancer." I danced for them, and all these boys went, "Woo woo." The boys were from my class. I went outside, and I went to the store. At the store they said "Oh, why don't you have this?" They gave me this outfit, which was black, over my head. You could only see my eyes. There was a long-sleeved dress. Mom came up to me, and I said, "Mom, there you are." Mom said, "So you got dressed by that place." I said, "Are those your relatives?" Mom said, "No, I just go in there (the store) a lot." We walked by this group of girls. There were weird sounds, and we thought it was a ghost. But it was really these girls and boys. At first it sounded like Bob's voice (8-year-old boy from school who has a crush on Vickie). We just walked on.

1FKA, 1FSC, 1FKA, 2MSA, 1FKA, 2FSA, 1MKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

19

1995

05/05/95

F

C

I had all this money. Mom and Mom's former boyfriend were with me in his truck. He was driving. We stopped at Taco Bell. I bought food for everyone, and then went into the store next to it. I was looking all over for the ice cream. I felt lost in the store because I couldn't find any ice cream except ice cream bars. Finally I found it. Max (a 19-year-old friend of Vickie's cousin) said, "Oh! Wow! Look at that ice cream. It's only one dollar and something." And, he said, "Oh, but you probably don't have enough money." I brought out my money, and it was three dollars. He said, "Oh, cool. Can we get that?" I said, "Okay." It was a small size.

1FKA, 1MKA, 2JKA, 1MKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

20

1995

05/08/95

F

C

I am an adult, and I am wearing a long white silk dress. I have brown hair in a bun. I'm sitting down, and I have a screaming baby in my arms. I have a feeling of kind of like wonder. The dress had a red sash. It was really pretty. I think I had a strand of pearls around my neck. The baby had a little bit of hair, and it was wearing a white dress. The baby was very young.

1ISC

CO D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

21

1995

05/09/95

F

C

All I saw s a long white corridor. It was scary because it went on and on.

AP D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

22

1995

05/11/95

F

C

There was a carnival, and there was this girl (about 10-years-old) with short, dark brown hair. She had an ice cream cone. She was standing there. There was a merry-go-round with horses going around and around.

1FSC, 2ANI

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

23

1995

05/12/95

F

C

There was a beautiful white castle with roses around it. There was a white, gleaming gate with glitter on it. Inside the castle the queen was beautiful. She had a diamond tiara on her head. She had silk around her neck and a long, full blue velvet dress with purple lace around it. She had a diamond necklace. She had ladies in waiting. They were kind of dressed the same, but not as richly. I was just watching this, but they seemed to be aware of my presence.

1FPA, 2FSA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

24

1995

05/13/95

F

C

The dream had my school in it. Jessica (23-year-old neighbor) had a daughter (about 10-years-old). Also we were having school lunch at my school.

1FKA, 1FKC

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

25

1995

05/14/95

F

C

I had a dream with horses in it and war. There was a small school. I was ringing a bell and the war started. I wanted to stop the war. I saw a Native American, and he had a red headdress. Beside him was a fox, except it didn't look like an ordinary fox. It was blue and purple, and it was floating beside him. Right next to it was a cat that was white and striped with blue. They were both floating by. I was ringing the bell and thought, "Oh, my god! Am I seeing things?"

2ANI, 1MEA, 1ANI, 1ANI

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

26

1995

05/05/95

F

C

I had this horse, and I was going to go downtown. My friend, Sally, was on the back of me on the horse. I dropped her off at the stop sign. I was trying to figure out how to go downtown. I finally got there on the horse. I saw Valerie hanging out and said, "Hop on." I had a stereo with music playing. Jim Morrison (from the Doors) was singing. This guy, who was in his fifties, said, "Can I go too?" I said, "Okay." We rode home, and when we went into my bedroom, he saw the Jim Morrison picture. He said, "I'm Jim Morrison." I was kind of excited because it was Jim Morrison. Mom was excited too. I said, "Look, it's Jim Morrison." He even sang a little song for us. Valerie was there also.

1ANI, 1FKA, 1FKA, 1MPA, 1FPA

HA D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

27

1995

05/16/95

F

C

Mom and I were visiting Grandma at this nursing home. There's Grandma with her gray hair. She looked a little older. We said, "Hi" to her and hugged her. We were talking. Grandma was happy to see us. I was happy to see Grandma.

1FKA, 1FKA

HA 1FKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

28

1995

05/17/95

F

C

I was at this party. There was food. This woman, who was serving drinks, gave me something to drink. I tasted it. I didn't like it. Mom was there talking with some other parents. I was outside. Judy (8-year-old friend) from my school, asked me if I could spend the night. Her mom said no. She had another friend with her. The next thing I knew, I was knocking at Wendy's door. I knew it was Wendy's door. I don't know why. She answered and said, "I can't play. I have a stomach ache. I think I'm sick." I said, "No, I have the same thing as you, and I'm not sick." I came in. I had this little rope. I wrapped it around my waist. In Wendy's family someone died. Her mother didn't care about anything. She was depressed.

1FSA, 1FKA, 2JSA, 1FKC, 1FKA, 1FKA, 1ISA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

29

1995

05/18/95

F

C

I am at the bus stop waiting to go to Bonnie's (7-year-old friend) party. I feel really confused. Then I go and I'm in this water; a very small pool. I saw Charlotte (11-year-old friend) with her mother, and I say, "Hi." Then the dream goes to this guy in this office. He has a computer and there are rectangle things on the computer. He put his hand on the computer and they (the rectangle things) stuck to him. So he put them somewhere to hide them. His boss comes in. He thinks the boss saw him, and he's all nervous. The boss was mad, but didn't see. Then the boss saw this suitcase with these rectangle things in it. The boss said, "Why are these there? You're a sick man." They were really Charlotte's clothes that she was bringing to my house, and that was her father (the man with the rectangle thing). She forgot the suitcase at his office.

1FKA, 1FKC, 1MKA, 1MOA, 1MKA

CO D, AP 1FKA, AN 1FKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

30

1995

05/20/95

F

C

These people, who were pioneers, heard this news that soldiers were coming into their land because it was Indian territory. The soldiers had to get them out of there because Native Americans had been moved out, and then the law said that it should be their land, not the pioneers'. They sent soldiers there, so if you didn't go, they would make you go or make you join in. The pioneers were leaving. I was watching this.

2JSA, 2MOA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

31

1995

05/22/95

F

C

Wendy is an actress, and these two men are after us. We're running everyplace. I feel mad at them.

1FKA, 2MSA

AN D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

32

1995

05/24/95

F

C

I am in a car with Wendy and her mother. I didn't see either of them. All I saw was her mother's fingers tapping on the steering wheel.

1FKA, 1FKA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

33

1995

05/26/95

F

C

This really happened on TV, but it was in my dream. They asked this woman who was from Sister Act what was the first show she went to or the best. She said, "The Doors." Then I was remembering it from last night in my dream. It showed Jim Morrison singing. I was just watching this. Then this boy, who was a little younger than me, was driving a car, and it was swerving all over the road. So I said, "Why don't you let me drive it?" Then I started driving. I was driving a car around this road where there were all these branches. Then I was in this house, a tree house. It was weird. I don't remember who else was there.

1FSA, 1MPA, 1MSA

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

34

1995

05/27/95

F

C

I was watching TV, VH 1, and suddenly I saw Jefferson Airplane singing, "Don't You Want Somebody to Love." I said, "Valerie, Mom! It's Jefferson Airplane." The person who was singing was really Grace Slick. She had long brown hair, and she had a really gentle face. She looked kind of sweet. Her face kind of looked like Carrie, who was in the Stephen King movie. Valerie came down and said, "Oh!" Mom finally came down and said something. I don't know what. Mom and I were kind of happy to see it.

1FPA, 1FPA, 1FPA

HA 1FKA+D

vickie

Vickie: a 10-year-old girl

35

1995

05/28/95

F

C

We were at school, except it was really weird. There were beds and stuff, and we weren't really doing any work. Judy and Michael (classmates) were there. Judy was in her nightgown and she didn't have any underwear on. It was the end of the day. And my grandma was supposed to pick me up. I waited and waited, and she didn't come. And then this was very scary. I was catching a bus. I went on this bus. It looked like a real bus. It was wonderful. It was really weird. I don't know what happened. Bob was in my dream. I didn't go where I was supposed to go on the bus. I felt frustrated about the bus.

1FKA, 1MKA, 1FKA, 1MKA

AP D, AN D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0001

1970-2008

06/28/1970

M

A

Nightmare in Cambodia. In the dream we are being overrun by sappers who have got past the Night Defensive Perimeter trips and claymores and now crawl forward. I wake up and see a boot tread close to my face. I slowly withdraw my .45 from its holster, pull the hammer back, then aim it at the boot. Just then the cloud-obscured moon comes out and I realize the boot is American and that it is Jerry B's foot. In the pitch stillness I point the .45 straight up in the air. Pinching the hammer tightly I pull the trigger and settle the hammer back in place. I re-holster the pistol and go back to sleep. The next day, after a very difficult march, all the men are overjoyed to be out of Cambodia. I tell no one what almost happened.

2MOA, 1MKA

HA 2MKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0002

1970-2008

07/30/1971

M

A

The enemy is above, in the sky. We are not soldiers but school children. A voice from everywhere begins to warn us, "Things are dropping." Seed begin to fall. Then I hear the faint echo of the tubes popping. There is an underground bunker; most of us run for the school bus. The mortars are dropping close by, within twenty yards. The fear of realizing death is pacing through my mind. We are all crowded in, scared of a hit. I shield my face with two paperback books. All at once there is a sharp explosion. I am hit, though I scream for only a moment. It is such a helpless feeling. The concussion has shattered the teeth in my mouth and I am going into shock. The dream ends here.

2JSA, 2JSA

AP D, CO D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0003

1970-2008

08/31/1971

M

A

We are on a firebase. It is nighttime. In the distance a flare goes off. Someone says the intelligence reports indicate we may soon be attacked. I go into a bunker and search for my aid bag (claymore) full of 4x7 'bandages. There are none around. I decide to make a search before it is too late. In the dream, I am in a house; all of a sudden mortars begin to drop, close and very loud, and profusely, I remember feeling guilty, the house can withstand practically anything, but I am still terrified. The mortars drop endlessly. When it is all over, I run out. My entire platoon, fifteen men, are all dead. They have been collected and sit in a grotesque formation of the dead. The dream becomes unclear at this point.

1ISA, 2MOA, 2MOA

AP D, AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0004

1970-2008

09/14/1971

M

A

We are on an LZ; I am saying good bye to an American girl. We are embracing. Her father, dressed like, a Navy admiral, appears quite suddenly; for a moment. I address myself to him. He brings up the subject of security and somehow mentions the name of Crazy Frank (used to play with the dead bodies). Suddenly everyone drops, we wait expecting the inevitable machine gun chatter etc., but it is only a false alarm. There are many soldiers spread about in not typical fashion, it appears more like a WWII beach scene than one of an LZ in Vietnam. A colored soldier rises up and makes an unclear remark. Apparently someone inadvertently set off a chain reaction, all of us obeying the instinct acquired from contact. The commander and I resume talk, we parley for a few more minutes; this time there is no mistake. I hear the sounds of mortars popping from tubes. I look at the commander and say, "Mortars, run for the bunkers." A mad rush for cover follows. In my mind I am counting off 8 seconds even as I am running; this is how much time I anticipate we have. There seems to be an air of complete disregard for everyone but one's self. The commander pulls and tries to get past me; I myself have completely forgotten the girl. The bunker seems familiar, as from another dream. It is too large to be representative of the ones I sought refuge in while in Nam. When I am just inside, mortars begin to drop, I make for a sturdy wall; the sounds, of explosions seem to be coming right over us. I seem to sense that this bunker is more like the basement of a large house, and that the mortars are hitting the building structure above us. The explosions have become deafening. In the last moments of the dream" I am near an opening, I vaguely see the outside ground, for I am lower and must look up. A terrific whining descends overhead; a shell is going to drop very near to us. The blast takes place right outside the opening. I am knocked a few feet by the concussion, but not seriously injured. Very close, a machine gun opens up; it is a light 30 cal. We are under a ground attack. I wake up, bathed in the sweat of nocturnal madness.

1FSA, 1MOA, 2MOA, 1MOA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0005

1970-2008

10/07/1971

M

A

This time, it is not the popping of the tubes, but the whistling of the mortars themselves that alerts us. We run for the bunkers. They are not bunkers as such, but the cinder brick foundations to be seen during the early construction of a home. There is no roof, only a few pieces of lumber overhead; it is very, very open. The mortars begin to drop, I hear the explosions very clear. This part of the dream seemed the most real. I recall huddling in a corner, shifting positions, as I anticipate a direct hit amidst us. The mortars continue to fall.

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0006

1970-2008

12/29/1971

M

A

Robert and myself seem to be part of an infantry company, the identity and location seem obscure. We sleep in canvas tents, which I conscientiously view as rather odd. The enemy is undoubtedly oriental, and it is at this point that I detach myself from my own person and either become another, or simply phase out and watch what follows, experiencing the drama vicariously, twofold it would seem, as this is all imagined. The enemy attacks and I become acutely aware of the feeling of being shot in the head. I am behind a wall of some kind, the danger of being hit is very great. In a fury I grab a silver object, which seems to resemble an rpg, and hurl it towards the foes. It explodes and immediately the entire area is shrouded in flames, even I (or the person I am watching) is/am enveloped. This is how the dream ends. I awaken with the all-too-familiar feeling that I notice each time I have a dream that ends with my own death.

1MKA, 2MOA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0007

1970-2008

01/??/1972

M

A

We are on patrol somewhere in Nam. It is not my old unit but the feelings are the same. We are, the infantry lurking in the jungle. As usual we are spread apart, perhaps 4 to 5 meters between each man. The foliage ahead grows less and less dense.; one can see 25· to 30 meters forward, it is somewhat like the better terrain we encountered in Tay Ninh. I anticipate an ambush; things are going too easily. Beyond the stillness of our own guarded movements I sense another. With the first starting shots I drop instinctively to the ground. These are not the familiar popping sounds of the AK, though nonetheless I have anticipated correctly, we are in contact. Those up front fire back, immediately killing two. Then from my position I see two or three heads begin to rise. I yell to the others, at the same time pointing the muzzle of my 16 in the enemy's direction and attempting to fire. The gun jams. Quickly I reload another magazine and pull the trigger. Again nothing, but the others have caught on and the enemy attack seems over. From the background I hear a sharp whining recoil; it is nothing like our 105s or 155s. The number 106 flashes through my mind, though I am not sure if there is such a weapon; perhaps light weapons, but as the shells fall I realize they are undoubtedly heavy artillery. The first explosions fall outside our perimeter; they do not descend like mortars, nor do they explode like artillery. On impact there is a sharp thunder-clap, followed by earth-like clouds of swirling, thick and heavy dust; though it is curious, these manifestations are small and hug the ground. Soon the shells drop closer and' closer to us, and I hear the shrapnel whizzing over. Finally one lands almost on top of me and I imagine a large piece of steel penetrating the flesh of my back. There is no pain, but I realize this to be a death wound. The last moments of the dream are obscured by the dust clouds.

2MOA, 2MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0008

1970-2008

12/28/1972

M

A

We are walking down a trail. Above and beyond I see a sort of rubber orchard (similar to another dream) with dinks. Just as I spot this Clopton comes running past, dressed in white. He has been wounded in the arm. We gather about and form a defensive perimeter. A machine gun team of dinks stalks right up to us. It seems everyone is too scared to fire. I open up with three short bursts and literally rip the dink gunner in half. A while later, a single dink walks up to us, unmolested. I sense that no one is going to fire and spatter him wickedly with my M-16. It is a good feeling, though I am worried about ammo. We retreat to a large building and cluster fuck within. It seems almost like the room I am living in now. Several of us flop onto the bed and crash. I recall thinking about pulling guard twice a night. It is a wonder that we get enough sleep. I am tempted to doze off but the fear of dinks breaking in prompts me to stay awake. Someone has the side door covered. I shift about, watching one door and then the next, expecting an attack any second. The dream becomes unclear at this point.

1MSA, 2JSA, 1ISA, 1ISA

HA D, AP D, AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0009

1970-2008

03/21/1973

M

A

We are on a trail, a well-used trail. Any moment, I am ready for an ambush. It seems that 3/6 platoon is drag, as way up in front AK and 16 shots are exchanged. Oddly, at first no one dives to the ground. Instead, we look to see what has happened. Capt. Hylo seems to be standing over a dead dink. Then hell breaks lose. The bamboo surroundings become a barren hilly expanse with dinks about us. They have some sort of modern building on a ledge 100 meters to my right. Way off I see a dink machine gunner beading on us. I open up on him. Then another dink MG appears, closer. I, too, have a machine gun, we will duel with bullets. Who will kill the other first? A dink on the ledge by the building hurls a grenade at me. I am lucky. It is a bit short of its target. I hug the earth and cannot recall being hurt. Next, the dink gunner rolls a base ball grenade towards me. I consider my chances against the time delay, grab it and hurl it a mighty length. It explodes harmlessly in the air. The duel renews. His bullets churn up staccato patterns of dust in front of me. I fire one long burst and catch him with one shot in the chest. He is dead. AK's blossom everywhere. It is like June 16, 1970. I fear running out of ammo. In the dream I am with Larry R. We are by a conex filled with ammo. We deliberate what to do. The dream becomes unclear after this.

1MKA, 1MOA, 1ISA, 1MOA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0010

1970-2008

03/22/1973

M

A

I am in a strange sort of bunker. The other day I had been going through an album of family pictures. The bunker is actually the bar in the basement of 39 Ivy Street! I am lying on the counter in a prone position; the atmosphere is one of war. Sandbags and timber abound. The sky is eerily overcast. Bombs begin to fall. Not the mortars of past dreams but rather some kind of heavy artillery. A sharp thunder follows the initial detonation, as if there were some sort of dual explosive, or perhaps a new barrage tactic. I throw myself over and fall to the ground. Cowering under the counter I wait for the inevitable. Within seconds a shell crashes down upon the spot I had occupied and not too hastily vacated. Debris flies; dirt clods and splinters of broken wood shower down. I recall the thought of being randomly lucky. The dream becomes unclear at this point.

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0011

1970-2008

02/20/1978

M

A

We are on the same fire base as the one established in Cambodia. This time I am not with my own platoon but I am part of the TOC/CP. BC(?) Is none other than the young doctor from LZ Green who did not know how to handle his own rank. We meddle about in a huge canvas tent. I think about digging a foxhole but there are no shovels. Night comes. All of a sudden there is a metallic burst of illumination flares. The sky lights up and we are showered by the magnesium brightness. For the first few moments no one knows what is going on. Who has called for the lume? Then, through the thin canvas I see two figures run past about 40 yards off. So, it is a ground attack. But I say nothing. Moments later the AK's open up. In the dream there are several old house where the gooks have holed up. My old platoon and I converge on it. With my M-16 roaring I cut down several dinks. I am overwhelmed by the sight of two individuals fighting with the enemy. Of all people, there is Mike W., our old RTO. I begin to fire, but my M-16 is sluggish; the bullets dumbly chug out. Wilson is followed by Juba, my friend from down the street, a high school buddy (who now I go to bars with every now and then). Juba has a long .45. His long drilling shots come after Wilson sprays me with a burst that catches me flush across the body. Again, though I am obviously hit, nothing happens. The firefight ends. We go back to the tent. I see bullet holes in my ankles. The Captain asks me if there is anything I want. I think of telling him, "Yes! A Medivac," but I say only that we should dig foxholes. The next day I scrounge for ammo. There is little or none to be found, though I steal two grenades. I meet Roop and Melhop. During the fire fight, I use grenades but they prove ineffective. Even though I hold them for two or three seconds after the handle flies off (and they hiss like smoke grenades) they are thrown too hard and bounce away, and oddly, explode in a mere crackle of sparks, the way smoke does when it first ignites. Steve S. (a fellow from sleep away camp) and I go to the other side of the base. There is a small VN compound. Steve S. throws a grenade into a little wooden school house filled with children. It blows up and there are the horrific screams of the wounded. We walk down a trail. I am telling him how stupid he is for making this mess, surely there will be another attack tonight. Children come shrieking out and run after us. I turn and beckon to them. "Come with me, come to me." A jeep pulls up and takes on the casualties.

1MOA, 2MOA, 1MKA, 2MOA, 1MKA, 2MKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0012

1970-2008

03/20/1978

M

A

I have done something for a man who seems to be in some sort of trouble. I am somehow like a spy. I go with another person and we demand to be paid. In fact I am quite adamant. I say, "You will pay me now!" I am given a great sum of money. I am aware that others want to get me and take the money. Therefore, I must escape. I am running. I am found. The ones who seek me begin to shoot at me. I dive behind a big machine gun and fire back. A star of David, as if superimposed, descends upon this scene.

1MSA, 1ISA, 2ISA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0013

1970-2008

12/??/1978

M

A

I am in a hostile land. There is a war going on. With two other men (who are brothers) I sit in a crude rock shelter that looks like this: [drawing]. We are on high ground, overlooking a huge river. Between the three of us there is only one magazine of ammunition. Moments before, I had the opportunity to get more, but I did not take it. We are waiting, anticipating an ambush. Two Chinese come up the hill on horseback. One dismounts and comes right up to the open ports of the shelter. He has a samurai sword. I lunge my M -16 into his chest and pull the trigger. The sound is not the usual sharp staccato that I am used to. Instead, it is muffled and somewhat dull. The Chinaman hacks away at my arm and slashes it with his sword. But within moments-he dies.

2MSA, 2ANI, 1MEA, 1ANI

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0014

1970-2008

07/20/1979

M

A

In the dream I am a soldier flying a small balsa wood plane by telepathy. It crashes to the ground. Another solider sleeping nearby is wounded in the head. As I return to my living quarters I retell the incident to a group of soldiers that are following me. Two blacks become greatly excited. One takes out his pistol and wags it carelessly. I am shot in the thigh. I think of the dull pain that begins to throb. The blood begins to gush from my femoral artery. I wonder where I can find a tourniquet. I wake up.

1MOA, 2MOA, 2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0015

1970-2008

10/22/1979

M

A

I am in Basic Training in the Army. A Drill Sergeant upbraids me. I beat and pummel him until he is dead. I go to Vietnam. I am with my old company but I am not accepted. I become a loner, an outcast. Roaming about, I shoot down American helicopters. At one point a Chinook lands and G.I.'s new to Vietnam come out and begin to march in single file. I shoot at them but instead of bullets only a spray of water falls on them.

1MOA, 2JKA, 1MKA, 2MOA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0016

1970-2008

11/30/1979

M

A

I am with a friend. We have traveled to a strange land. The people resemble the "pineys" of the Pine Barrens (in New Jersey). They are very kind and friendly; they share food and drink with us. I am easily at home with them. They present me with many small gifts. I am perched up on a high ledge. An old college English teacher is to read one of David B's poems. He (David) asks that he may read it himself. It is written in a very simple hieroglyphic form. There are crows and hawks and their feet markings: [drawing]. As he reads I become emotionally aroused. Moments later I am openly weeping. I return to this land with my old platoon. Everything has changed. The land has been scorched; nothing remains from the joyous past. I begin to load my M-16 but it is with the new and unfamiliar banana clip. We are ambushed. I squeeze off a few rounds before scampering for cover. I lose sight of my platoon. They patrol without me, the only medic. A sense of great overwhelming guilt follows. We relink later. I am ashamed of myself, but I am glad to see that the others are all safe. The Lieutenant is somewhat stern with me. The shame passes.

1IKA, 2JSA, 1MOA, 2ANI, 1MOA, 2MOA

AP D, HA D, AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0017

1970-2008

01/06/1980

M

A

There are several of us smoking dope in a small park surrounded by barbed and wire fences. Among those that I recognize there is John, David and Larry W., a Sgt. From Vietnam. From the corner of my eye I see the police. They charge up to us at a gallop and we are all busted. One fellow that I do not recognize makes a dash for it. He vaults the fence and heads for the woods. As the dogs are set after him I think that it is an impossible situation. As it happens, the fellow runs quickly and makes good his escape. We are herded to a jail in India. There are many rooms here, but they are small and cramped; the bars are quite thick. I think over and over to myself, as if the dream were real, "This can't be happening to me, to me!" But it is all too true; I am locked up. A turnkey opens a cell and allows David to leave. The jailer next turns to me and offers freedom if I will inform on the others. I think to myself, "This is only a trick. Besides, I cannot betray my friends." I anguish in the little cell. The dream ends.

2JKA, 1MKA, 2MOA, 2ANI

AN D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0018

1970-2008

01/07/1980

M

A

I am again led to a prison. The black man in front of me kisses the jailers hand. I walk past, then turn around and do the same. The gesture is followed by submissive talk, that he will be as on me. I escape. There is a cave from which come holy sounds. The shadows of animals run across its walls. I am flying through rock, then thick, lava like water, then water. I see a piece of rope and with both hands reach for it. My head clears the water and I see that I am in a beautiful lake. Still clinging to the rope I am 1/10th my normal size. I have been hoisted up by a child, a little girl of perhaps seven.

1MSA, 2ANI, 1FSC

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0019

1970-2008

02/22/1980

M

A

I am in a large classroom. The teacher is taking roll. He calls, "Veterans." No one answers. A second time the name is called. I trumpet out, "Don't you know that's me, you big baboon!" Everyone in the class begins to laugh. Even the teacher, who resembles the plastic surgeon Dr. DeStefanol, breaks into a grin. The laughter, instead of subsiding, grows and grows, until it is followed by loud and sustained applause. Everyone is smiling, everyone is applauding, everyone is cheering. These people are all familiar to me, they are from my past. Here, they are depicted as children. The pitch grows higher. I am born aloft by the many hands and arms of the great crowd and deposited at the head of the class, alongside the teacher. There are four pretty girls with us. I remember thinking, "He is overweight, but does not look like a baboon." Recollection ends here.

1MOA, 2JKA, 1MOA, 2FSC

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0020

1970-2008

06/20/1980

M

A

I am with my old unit in Vietnam. The order comes over the radio that we are now finished with jungle patrols. The Lieutenant makes it official and we silently begin to disband. Suddenly, a civilian, an older man in a suit, emerges from a tent. He speaks to us. "If my son can't go, no one goes." Then he shoots and kills my good friend Jerry B. I am overwhelmed and unload several shots at him. Nothing happens. Then, with an unusually long burst of automatic from my M-16 I cut him down. As the others have walked off, I throw the gun down and follow after them. There is a feeling of complete freedom. In very high spirits Jim L. and I go to a supermarket and buy food. I am aware that I do not wear my steel helmet. The dream is repeated. This time I do the killing with a laser beam. The man is this time Parry, a medic from another company I did not like. He dies a slow and agonizing death.

1MOA, 1MSA, 1MKA, 2JSA, 1MKA, 1MOA

CO D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0021

1970-2008

07/07/1980

M

A

I am in a large empty house. My brother and I are dressed as soldiers; we are hunting each other. I see him before he spots me and hit him with a burst of 16. I walk the bullets up to him. Curiously, they make only a small BB pattern and noise. There is little impact, little of the expected striking force. In any event, he goes down and I immediately rush to his aid. I feel very sorry for him and for what I have done.

1MKA

SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0022

1970-2008

11/??/1980

M

A

There is a war going on between the Americans and what appear to be either Germans or Russians. The battleground resembles the trench warfare of World War I. The land between the two sides reminds me of the no-man's-land of LZ Ranch in Cambodia. Each side is firing artillery, adjusting for accuracy. The shells fly back and forth and fall with muffled dull thuds. Then the other side launches a ground attack. They throw hand grenades as they run. The grenades hit the ground and bounce forward. I catch one and hurl it back. Then another, then two more. The others (other side?) do the same. I am in hand to hand combat with a man of about fifty; he is fat and ruddy looking. With a sinister leer he taunts me. Twisting his knife through the air he is easily the more skillful. I am lightly scarred several times but somehow, as my knife becomes a fork, I spear him in the throat, causing him a mortal wound. His eyes bulge forward; the gushing blood mixes with his last gurgling breath.

2MEA, 2MEA, 1MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0023

1970-2008

01/02/1981

M

A

My brother and I break into an Army base, having gotten past the guards. There are cases and cases of grenades stacked up. I open one and throw it. It explodes. Then we see my father in the distance. He beckons to us. As we go, I hurl missiles in his direction. They are like giant bullets, arching up, then falling and crashing down. We speak to him about flowers. He insists that cultivation (gardening) is no different from nature. My brother and I argue against my father. The scene changes. Looking out a window I can see I am very high off the ground. A man below is reading off winning numbers from some sort of lottery. Thousands of people are gathering. He has somehow angered them. I fall out the window but somehow survive the fall. Then a huge oblong plate of metal tumbles down and strikes me a glancing blow on the head. I think it is a deathblow, as I am weak from loss of blood. I am weeping. My mother tries to comfort me. In between my sobbing I tell her to contact Peter A. (giving his correct address) and with this message say, "Tell David [David B.] I'm sorry." Then, as it appears that the wound is not mortal, I suggest we go and get an x-ray.

1MKA, 1MKA, 1MSA, 2JSA, 1FKA, 1MKA, 1MKA

SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0024

1970-2008

03/??/1981

M

A

I am back in Vietnam, We are on patrol. Bob and my brother are with me, My brother wears a camouflage T shirt, We tramp through the jungle until we reach a great clearing, It is a great sloping field, much like those in the Watchung Reservation, My brother goes around the side on a small recon. Two G.I.s already at the bottom of a hill mistake him for VC and direct fire at him, I hail them off, but it is too late. I see my brother being hit. Another GI from behind is also shooting at my brother. From fifty meters I hit him with a sustained burst from my M-16. The bullets wind through the air, arcing like artillery shells. Bob grabs the fellow I have wounded while I go to the aid of my brother. We take them both to a nearby hospital, which resembles my childhood grammar school. The doctor acts quickly, taking the wounded into the operating room, we go back, as there is nothing left for us to do. A fellow who I dislike intensely, another medic, sallies up on horseback from behind us and jeeringly announces that my brother is dead. I am heartbroken and begin weeping and sobbing, Then I turn around and with the strength that comes from great anger grab the horse by its throat and half wrestle it to the ground. My lamentations grow softer, until the mourning feeling is all but gone. As Bob and I return to the hospital we must cross a street. The area resembles the neighborhood of my childhood. A policeman halts an oncoming car that I have waited to let pass. The dream ends with an intense feeling of loss.

1MKA, 1MKA, 2MOA, 1MOA, 1ANI, 1MOA, 1ANI

SD D, AN D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0025

1970-2008

03/??/1981

M

A

I am trying to squeeze into a small English sports car. It keeps moving and I say, "Fuck You" to the driver. He returns and challenges me to a fight. We are in the garage of Bob's parents. I am full of confidence and cunning. Outmaneuvering the other fellow, I stab him in the back with a knife and say, "Give up or I'll kill you." He yields and I help him outside and dress his wounds.

1MSA, 1MKA, 2JKA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0026

1970-2008

05/??/1981

M

A

The dream takes place in Ivy Park. I am in the Army and we are soon to go on patrol. Since it is getting dark I go out to collect some wood for the fire. David B. and I are lying prone in what appears to be a lake. Actually the water is only a few inches deep. He has some sort of explosive charges but no matches with which to light them. I become serious and tell him to keep his voice down and find the matches. At the same time I am aware that something is out of place. The water is not deep. Suddenly we are charged from our right flank. A group of ten or fifteen men with fixed bayonets sallies towards us. They appear to be Oriental, though at the last moment I see that it is all a sham. These are our own men. I have been the object of a great joke. Rolling on the ground, David and I howl with laughter. We begin to sing a popular song. Our harmony and rhythm are surprisingly good.

1MKA, 2MEA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0027

1970-2008

05/??/1981

M

A

Note: Due to a copying error the original page was only partially reproduced. I have attempted to reconstruct the narrative, placing the likely words in brackets. I am in Viet Nam, in the midst of [an attack]. These are not the primitively devastating 120mm rockets of Quan Loi fame (Rocket City); instead [they are] scaled down ICBM's. They whoosh through [the sky] as if in slow motion like the outgoing 155's [on LZ Compton] and LZ Ranch. I am running for cover, anticipating the [force] of the blast and the whizzing shrapnel. As the missiles. [explode] I see the shrapnel and dive through a window [into] a subterranean room. I have taken a few pieces [of shrapnel] in the sole of my boot and one or two small fragments in the arm (as on July 15, '70 in Cambodia). More rockets fall, pounding away; the sharp explosions [are] followed by blinding flashes of skittering light. At one and the same time I sense the overwhelming terror of a direct hit, and yet I have so far escaped the unyielding terror and panic that accompany such occasions. Then I am with my platoon and the Lieutenant informs me that I should not be ashamed of my cowardice. I am to be relieved and sent elsewhere. The others too act [as though there is ] no call for shame. But their [comments] and remarks serve only to [highlight] my feelings of humiliation.

2MOA, 1MOA, 2MOA

AP D, SD D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0028

1970-2008

06/??/1981

M

A

I am on a small wooden dock by a lake. With a long carrot I taunt a giant snapping turtle. I hit him on the nose but never let him get a bite. Then he manages to clinch the carrot for a moment and I see what appears to be the length of his jaw and teeth. Then he half raises up and clinches the carrot more firmly. Here is what I saw: [drawing]. I am terrified and am not sure what to do next. I only know that up until now I had not realized how big and powerful this turtle was.

1ANI

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0029

1970-2008

07/??/1981

M

A

I am in a place that resembles Viet Nam. In this instance I am selecting some sort of hotel room. I am looking for a place that can take the impact of mortars and bullets. I am now in a war zone. It is as if I have returned to Vietnam. All the buildings in the previous part of the dream have been almost totally destroyed. There is always the chance of being attacked. Much of the landscape resembles City X, where I grew up. I kill some people (a black man) with a burst from my 16. Then I wish to escape and make my way to a train that goes from Vietnam to Thailand. I get out but do not want to be caught for desertion. A fellow checks my I.D. He comes upon four stamps that I have in my wallet. They have been given to me by my mother. He asks why I still carry them. I offer him one, leaving me three. I return to Vietnam and the sense of danger is heightened. It is the sense of death and destruction that haunts me more so than a confrontation with VC or NVA. Then a friend and I decide to escape by car. He drives and I am aware how wide he is taking the turns. He does not really have an idea of where he is going. I am afraid that we are going to be ambushed as I see the familiar jungle that hides the enemy. I know only too well this paradox of beautiful jungle and the enemy waiting within. I wake up with feelings of immense anxiety.

2JSA, 1MEA, 1FKA, 1MKA

AP D, AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0030

1970-2008

07/25/1981

M

A

I seem to be the leader of a small group of young people. An odd looking fellow walks past us and makes some sort of remark. A few moments later four or five bandits approach us and blaze away with pistols. I yell "No!" But I am shot in the face. It is a mortal wound, and yet I do not die. Instead, I feel a huge hollow gash where the left side of my face has been blown away. I am on a wooden raft in a lake. A huge black man and I are fighting. We each have long bamboo fishing poles. His idea is to snag me with a hook. We use the poles as if we were adept Tai Chi push-sword players. We are both extremely good at directing and slipping touches. Then, without trying, I land a blow to his head and he tumbles into the water. He has lost ungracefully in front of a small group of people that have gathered on the banks to watch. Later on I ask his whereabouts, as he is the father of a ..... [page missing]

2JSA, 1MSA, 2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0031

1970-2008

09/13/1981

M

A

Half awake in the dream, I am in some sort of open foxhole. I look to my left and see two VC sappers crawling past. They have mortars and are dropping them on a position ahead of me. I know that I have to move slowly and then spring up and kill them (they are almost on top of me). The friendly position is in front of me. I kill one fellow (VC). The other fellow manages to break free and begins talking into a small radio. He seems to be an FO [Forward Observer]. He talks quickly, as if sensing he is to die soon. We grapple and he manages to stab me a few times. Then he too is dead. Just as this happens, something amazing occurs. The whole countryside goes up in fire. A gigantic conflagration, in twenty seconds hundreds and hundreds of yards of land are on fire. For a few moments I don't know if I've done something good or bad. All I know is that to survive I must jump into the water. It seems that I am right near the ocean. I swim forward, trying to beat the land, which is also racing forward. Then, at one point, there seems a sort of monster or demon that chases me. It too is on fire but submerged underwater. From behind me a friendly force fires a weapon and kills the monster. At once all the other fire in the dream ceases. Then the dream becomes vague. I seem to be greeted by friends, friendly voices. I am facing East in the dream-the sappers are facing East. I myself seem to be out on a mission, away from a main base. The sappers come from behind; the friendly forces are in front (the same position fired on above). I am saved when the monster dies and I seem to have made contact again with friendly forces. I am welcomed back. I have swum almost due South, somehow semsong (sic) land and friends.

2MOA, 1ANI, 1MOA, 2ISA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0032

1970-2008

09/??/1981

M

A

I seem to be the leader of a small group of young people. An odd looking fellow walks past us and makes some sort of remark. A few moments later four or five bandits approach us and blaze away with pistols. I yell "No!" But I am shot in the face. It is a mortal wound, and yet I do not die. Instead, I feel a huge hollow gash where the left side of my face has been blown away. I am on a wooden raft in a lake. A huge black man and I are fighting. We each have 190ng bamboo fishing poles. His idea is to snag me with a hook. We use a the pool (poles) as if we were adept Tai Chi push-sword players. We are both extremely good at directing and slipping touches. Then, without trying, I land a blow to his head and he tumbles into the water. He has lost ungracefully in front of a small group of people that have gathered on the banks to watch. Later on I ask his whereabouts, as he is the father of a ..... [page missing].

2JSA, 1MSA, 2MOA, 1MSA, 1MSA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0033

1970-2008

10/06/1981

M

A

I am in Africa again. There are abandoned metal objects on the ground. I seem to be with someone else; we are flying low over the ground, surveying the land. We decide to salvage a damaged plane. We pick the plane up in tow. It is unclear if I am flying the damaged plane or the one used for surveying. In any event I am at the controls and telling the other person with me that I have very little or no feeling of control. This other person, patient and willing, remains calm and gives me encouragement.

1ISA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0034

1970-2008

08/22/1998

M

A

I am using a computer. I point to a screen that is showing a documentary on Cambodia. There are a few scenes of the capitol city, then a man accompanies a woman singer, who has related several medical problems before regaining her voice. She sings as he plays the piano. I change the screen and see images of the war. There are helicopters on the ground waiting to take off. It is live footage. A platoon is running down a jungle slope. One soldier throws a grenade. They are chasing the enemy. Then I am part of this platoon and the terrain has changed from a hill covered by thick bush to a long slope covered by short grass. There is bamboo on either side. We begin to take incoming rockets. I hear the initial whoosh, followed by the thud and crash. Then the rockets come closer, and it is clear they are aiming at me. They are walking them in like mortars, not vertically, but horizontally, missing me by a few meters at most, and I must anticipate the next rocket by moving correctly either to the left or right or I will be killed. It is like a child's game. I am trapped out in the open, running back and forth every few seconds, completely focused on what is taking place. I am not scared, but then I see the enemy behind foliage and a wire fence, launching the rockets, which in fact whiz past me like huge .22 caliber bullets. I see my brother, as if he were young, and I yell to him, yell loud and with anger, "Get my 16 and ammo, get my 16 and ammo." Instead of running to help me, he simply walks toward where my things are. I yell again, dodging and side stepping rockets, but he continues to plod along, and I am angry at him, because he is acting like this is a joke. He is either ignoring me or incapable of helping me, or more likely, both. I wake up fearful and angry.

1MSA, 1FSA, 2MOA, 1MKA, 1MKA

AN D, AN D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0035

1970-2008

02/15/1999

M

A

Capt. P., the battalion surgeon, places a slender nylon noose around my neck. Attached to it is a loaded .45 automatic. He tells me to shoot myself. I can feel the fear turning into the necessity to resist. I will kill him instead. I probe the bottom of the grip; there is no magazine. From somewhere I obtain a .38 and shoot him in the head. However, recollection is unclear at this point, and this may or may not be the case.

1MOA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0036

1970-2008

02/15/1999

M

A

I am walking my dog in a field. The field becomes heavy bush and triple canopy. Where is my dog? Is she lost? Then I am in Vietnam and we kill many soldiers. It is a recollection from the war. The dead lay clumped in heaps, like pictures from the civil war. Then the situation is reversed, as in the dream I imagine what it would be for an NVA to come across American dead. I wake up anxious, angry and fearful.

1ANI, 2MOA, 2MOA

AP D, AN D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0037

1970-2008

02/21/1999

M

A

I am on another planet, caught up in a war. I am hiding in a cave. Attacking soldiers find me. The first one shoots me point blank; his rifle misfires. The second aims and shoots just as the atmosphere begins to freeze. It forms a protective shield in front of me. The bullet punctures the ice, then falls to the floor. The solider outside suffocates from lack of air. I am next, but the dream changes. A civilization on another planet is in the act of committing suicide. Soldiers have paired off in rows, they are separated one from the next pair by ten or fifteen meters. The distance between two soldiers is twenty or thirty meters. Armed soldiers advance against their unarmed partner. I am not paired up, but caught up in the fray and in immediate danger of being shot. Recollection becomes unclear at this point. I wake up anxious.

2MOA, 1MOA, 1MSA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0038

1970-2008

02/22/1999

M

A

Dream Fragment. I am in a war. A plane of unknown origin flies overhead. It is identified as hostile and anti-aircraft guns begin to fire at it. The plane circles around in the cloudy sky and begins to drop bombs. The explosions are sharp and devastating; fountains of earth raise high up and fall back to the ground. There is a firestorm of smoke and flame. I run and become engulfed in the haze. I find a clearing and find my dog. Recollection ends here. I wake up anxious.

1ANI

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0039

1970-2008

03/11/1999

M

A

I am with Jamie H. on a trail in Vietnam. We are in a hostile environment, though at the same time on vacation or holiday. The terrain is wooded and tropical. I begin to tell him about war, about Chicom's and combat and death. We are both armed. I am fearful of going out on ambush. The next moment I begin to weep and sob deeply. Recollection ends here.

1MKA

AP D

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0040

1970-2008

03/12/1999

M

A

I take the wrong bus to go to a dance and to meet women and decide to go instead to a movie. There is a new film on the Korean War. At the last moment I decline the movie, which is very crowded outside, and begin to walk. I am near a police station. Off in the distance I see a riot taking place. A group of people have broken several one and two story windows and are looting merchandise. I say nothing. The police finally take notice and storm the building. I am now with other people watching what is taking place. The rioters jump onto an electric building scaffold and zoom up to the top of the building, maybe ten stories. The police follow and enter the building. Immediately, one girl jumps from the top story. We watch as she plummets down. I turn away at the last moment as she hits the pavement. When I look back, her head, likely split open, is covered by a sheet. A woman next to her is wailing. The body moves. She is still alive. She is moaning. I go inside the building with someone else. We believe the others have jumped from one rooftop to another, making good their escape. We are in the basement. There are huge empty rooms. We go up one or two flights. The rooms upstairs are also empty; made of wood, they are old and rotten. A black man, an authority of some kind, sees us. We run. He confronts us later. Recollection ends here.

2FSA, 2MSA, 1FSA, 1FSA, 1MSA, 1ISA

vietnam_vet

Vietnam Vet: 1970-2008 war dreams

0041

1970-2008

03/12/1999

M

A

I am in a classroom setting. Bao Ninh is critiquing my work. He speaks perfect English. His voice is warm yet authoritative. He commends what is good, denotes what is imperfect. He sounds very much like Peter Kane Dufault. I am learning a great deal from him. He pauses, makes a general remark. I respond with a mocking reply. He becomes angered, saying he will not tolerate that sort of reply, hinting or stating the class is over. I apologize twice, and state I will leave in order for the class to continue; I will come back the next day. I apologize again. Inwardly, I am aware of anger towards him. It is the only way to explain what I have said. Recollection is fuzzy at this point. Bao Ninh appears to accept what I have stated, but I am forced to accept the conflicts of my own nature and to understand them. The shock of recognition is painful.

1MKA, 1MPA

AN 1MKA, AN D