FAIR. ONE OF THE THINGS I DISAGREE WITH IS THE FACT THAT MY LAWYERS DECIDED NOT TO PRESENT LETTERS THAT WERE WRITTEN TO ME BY SHANNON BOYD OFFERING ME MONEY TO SAY, TO SAY I DID THESE HORRIBLE CRIMES.
THE LETTERS TOLD ME EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED ME TO SAY, BUT IF I DID ALL THE THINGS HE TESTIFIED TO, I DID THESE HORRIBLE CRIMES THEN WHY DID HE EXPLAIN WHAT TO DO AND SAY, NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE ANY OF YOUR FAULT, NOR ANY OF MY SHORTCOMINGS OR MY SITUATION OR MY FAMILY'S FAULT.
THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE LATELY TO IMPLY MAYBE I'M NOT IN THIS SITUATION BECAUSE OF WHAT OR THE WAY I WENT THROUGH COMING UP AS A KID, AND MAYBE MY FATHER IS TO BLAME, AND MAYBE I SHOULD BLAME MY FATHER WHO WAS NOT THERE FOR ME, AND MY FAMILY.
MAYBE BECAUSE AROUND EIGHT OR NINE OR TEN, MY MOTHER COULD NOT WORK, COULD NOT WORK OUT THERE. I WAS NOT BEGGING OR CRYING FOR ANYTHING.
HE HANDED ME A FISHING ROD AND IT WAS HIS FAVORITE FISHING POLE AND HE NEVER, NEVER, NEVER WOULD LEAVE IT ANYWHERE IF HE WAS NOT PLANNING ON RETURNING, YOU KNOW, HE WAS SHOWING ME THAT HE WAS COMING BACK. HE ASSURED ME THAT HE WAS COMING BACK, AND SO HE WANTED ME TO HOLD IT UNTIL HE CAME BACK FOR US, BUT HE NEVER CAME BACK FOR US.
I OFTEN THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAULT, MAYBE IF I LEFT AND RAN AWAY HE WOULD COME BACK AND BE WITH MY FAMILY BUT I WOULD NOT SEE HIM.
MAYBE I SHOULD BLAME IT ON MY MOTHER FOR BEING DEPRESSED, FOR MY FATHER NOT BEING THERE, AND FOR STARTING TO DRINK AND SPENDING MOST OF THE MONEY THAT I MADE WORKING CUTTING GRASS ON ALCOHOL, AND LATER ON DRUGS.
HOW CAN I BLAME MY FATHER WHEN HE BLAMED HIS FATHER FOR HIS ACTIONS, HE MOSTLY BLAMED HIS FATHER, BUT THEN I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT HOW COULD I BLAME MY MOTHER. SHE WAS ABUSED AND MOLESTED AS A CHILD BY HER FATHER.
HOW COULD ANYONE BE A GOOD MOTHER AND A GOOD FATHER IF NOT RAISED BY GOOD PARENTS. IF YOU ARE TOLD WHAT YOU'RE TAUGHT AND YOU WENT THROUGH IN YOUR LIFE WHAT MY PARENTS WENT THROUGH IN THEIR LIVES, SO I PLACE NO BLAME ANYWHERE, AND I LEFT MY FAMILY'S REGARDS IN THE PAST - BECAUSE GOING THROUGH TOUGH TIMES MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY.
AND I HAVE NOTHING AS A CHILD, AND MAYBE IF I COULD GIVE MY FAMILY EVERYTHING, AND I AM OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AND IF I TRIED, AND IF I COULD HAVE MADE IT EASIER ON MY YOUNGER BROTHER AND SISTERS, AND SUPPORTED MY MOTHER AS I WANTED TO DO.
AND I WENT ABOUT IT THE WRONG WAY BY SELLING DRUGS, AND I THOUGHT THAT MY FAMILY THAT IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR