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**The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** ======================================================================== Hello. This is my practice for IELTS writing task 2. Thanks in advance for reviewing my writing :) ======================================================================== ## Role of Women in Society Over the last 5 decades, society's outlook on women role has changed substantially. Even though it seems that gender equality is about to be achieved, it is not completely true. Most females still have less opportunity to experience promising career path compared to their male counterparts. Some people may argue that society these days have treated women the same as men. They base their view on the fact that, in modern day, there are more females holding high position in companies. According to the latest survey carried on by University of Indonesia, the proportion of female managers has doubled compared to that in 1980s. In addition, they also earn the equal amount of salary as men with the same position. Thus, it is generally believed that gender does not matter anymore in this globalization era. However, they neglect the fact that most of those successful women have undergone harder obstacle than men to get on the top. It is because the majority of jobs offered to them are low-paid. As an impact, hey have to make much greater effort to achieve the same position as men. These women experience harder situations such as working overtime to show that they are capable to handle more difficult duties. Apart from working conditions, they also often seen as the ones who have full responsibility to take care of their family. As such, for married women, it is more challenging to work outside their homes. In conclusion, gender equality is not truly achieved considering the fact that females need to experience more immense challenges to be i the same position as males. It can only be considered as gender equality if both sexes have equal achievement by doing equal effort.

Daniette, while your paraphrasing an opinion in the opening statement is commendable, it is a bit faulty because you forgot the most important thing that this essay should be reflecting. That is, you should have added an ownership of the opinion by saying "My opinion is that...". After the declaration of your opinion, an quick outline of your discussion should have been included as part of the overview of the succeeding discussion. That is not to say that what you wrote is not effective. All I am saying is that it could have been more complete and stronger in presentation. Throughout the essay, you do your best not to qualify any statement as being a part of your opinion. I believe that this is not the correct approach to this essay because you are being asked to portray your opinion in every paragraph. Therefore, you should use a first person pronoun in each paragraph in order to establish that. Use the pronoun in the first sentence so that you can always establish ownership of the opinion. This will also show that you are able to develop a first person line of reference in your sentences, which can lead to a more convincing discussion in your essay.

**Some people believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.** ## children's burden The virtues of learning foreign languages are too visible to be neglected. But is it wise to burden children with foreign language lessons from their primary school? I rather doubt it. From my perspective, it should be optional rather than compulsory. On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that learning foreign languages can develop the cognitive skills of children. It has been proved that bilingual people are more prone to see issues from different angles and their decision process is faster than their monolingual peers. Apart from that, this can also fuel their communication skills, so making friends would not be challenging for them. Moreover, knowing additional languages improves their career prospects, thereby their employability will be enhanced in their later life. Even if having considered all these facts, would they enough to making language classes mandatory before secondary school? By no means, our future dreams should not be at the cost of children's spare time. At their earlier ages, their freedom, desires, should be our first priority instead of imposing our preferences. We cannot want from them to sacrifice their childhood, all we can do is just to drum up more interest in such things which in turn will be very useful as time goes by. Taking into consideration that they have a long education life in times to come, it would be cruelty of us to demand more. In conclusion, I reaffirm my position that we try to lighten children's burden at their earlier ages and spending extra time to learning a foreign language should depend on their choices.

Adam, I am not sure where you got the idea that you can present your opinion in the concluding statement. That is the wrong approach. The personal opinion is always presented in a separate paragraph because the rules of academic writing state that no additional or new information can be presented in the concluding statement. To be precise, the concluding statement should be comprised of 3-5 sentences that do the following: 1. Present the restated prompt discussion. 2. Offer the two opposing points of view. 3. Reiterate your opinion. 4. Offer a closing sentence to conclude the essay. Also, the proper format for discussing this type of essay, in my opinion is as follows: 1. Paraphrased prompt, two opinions, your personal opinion. 2. Opposing point of view discussion 3. Supporting point of view presentation 4. Your personal opinion in support of the third statement 5. Concluding statement I find that the aforementioned format for a discussion or compare and contrast essay works best for most essay presentations.

Hi everyone, I'm practicing the writing test in IELTS, would you please give me some comments to my works? ## Discipline toward kids Question: **It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them to learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?** Answer: Everything has a good side and a bad side, punishment is no exception. Although there is a bad side for punishment, I still believe that it is important for having punishment to teach children about the correct values. I support this with the following reasons. At first, punishment is an effective way to teach children for knowing what is wrong. Undoubtedly, praise can encourage children to do the right thing. In contrast, punishment can deepen children's memory for the wrong thing that they have done. Punishment has been used for over a thousand of years and it is one of the best way for teaching children according to past experience in human history. And now, punishment is still being using to punish the citizens who violate the law. Secondly, punishment can provide the indication of the seriousness of fault that children made. Different level of punishment apply to different level of fault which allow children to know that which fault they should never do. For example, children can be punished by standing alone for five minutes if they quarrel with each other. However, if they fight with each other, the level of punishment should become higher. In this case, the punishment can be a standing for twenty minutes. Therefore, the children can know that the fault of fighting is a worse than quarrel. Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that some kinds of punishment will cause a bad effect to children's psychological and physical health. In the past, parents may use physical punishment to teach their children. However, many experts already point out that it might damage the relationship between the parents and children and it also hurts the children physically. Therefore, it is essential for us to decide which punishment should be adopted. Personally, I believe that physical punishment should never be used for teaching children as it hurts children in both psychological and physical aspect. We could use other punishments which is not harmful to children such as packing up trash and cleaning houses etc. From what has been discussed above, we can finally draw the conclusion that punishment is needed for teaching children. However, we should carefully choose what kind of punishment we should use. Punishment that will cause any harm to children like hitting children should never be allowed.

On the contrary, since the word corporal isn't part of the keywords provided in the essay, she could use the term corporal punishment in the wrong context and as such, lower her lexical resource score. It is best to prove English comprehension and lexical skills by first using the keywords in the essay in the proper manner in a sentence. Now, since she has no reason to use corporal punishment in her essay as she is not familiar with the term, it would be best not to use it. An alternative is sufficient. Sometimes, simply proving you understand the question and can discuss it accurately when when using simple English words can gain you a higher score than using complex words in the wrong way. It's all about how comfortable you are in using what you know of the English language, which helps you express yourself clearly that matters the most which can increase your score. Using the term physical punishment is enough in this instance because she knows how to properly use that term.

**IELTS Task 2. Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?** ## Roads vs railways investment *Write at least 250 words.* We live in an age where many of us want a driving licence or already have one and coming with that we also want a private vehicle for commuting and pleasure. But looking at the human population is significantly raising, peoples requirements are increasing too. I will rather agree that the governments should invest more on railways and below I will give reasons to support my position. First of all it is safer to commute by train than on road or highways. As we can see in TV and magazines, so many accidents happens day by day, yet on railway it is not often to happen. Second of all, avoiding congestion and traffic jam which causes stress and tiredness which does not contributes to our well being, therefore the roads remain clear for any emergencies and also saving land and prevent deforestation which contribute to our heath. Another point worth noting is that we have more time for ourselves. When I travel to work and way back home, I see students reading and revising their homework. But not only them, also people relax themselves by reading a magazine or just listening to music after a long day working. I agree that we can listen to music while driving but also you have to pay attention on road and any hazards that may occur. To summarise if governments should spend more money on railways rather then roads divides opinion but my point of view is that by investing more on railways means investing in a safer future for us and our children.

Anna, I believe that the overall score for your essay should fall within the passing range of 5. You came up with an essay of an adequate length that shows how you tried to display more complex sentences and also increased vocabulary. While you sometimes failed to accurately present your thought process in paragraph 2, which caused a certain degree of stress for the reader, most of the intentions that you had for the paragraphs were clear enough to be understood. It is actually the second paragraph that resulted in a lower score for your essay because the discussion you presented was not coherently presented. There were some grammar and sentence structure errors as well that definitely contributed to the confusing discussion in paragraph 2. It should be noted though, that you presented a pretty convincing discussion in the parts where the reader could somehow make out what you are saying with less stress than the other points of the essay. That is why you managed to get a 5, in my opinion, for this essay.

The line chart shows the information about the number of population growth between 1800 and 2100. While, the bar chart displays the number of population in developed countries and developing countries from 2015 to 2040. It can be seen that the highest inhabitation of developing countries will rise a peak dramatically in 2040. On the other hand, the developed countries stay constant from 2015 to 2040. in 1800, the number of people in in the started at 1000 millions of people. The growth of population increased gradually to 3000 millions in 1950. And, it will increase sharply at 8000 millions in 2040. A rapidly decline will happen in the last of year in 2100. Despite, it will reach the same condition in the present. Ultimately, by continuing a growing of population in developed country. It can be seen that the population of developed countries will occur a like of number around 1000 millions in 2040. *

Dayat, this chart is very haphazardly written. You were supposed to create a comparison summary of the histogram and line chart. All you did was write about the information in the line chart. This would be an automatic failure in an actual test because you did not properly summarize the charts provided, which shows that you failed to understand the information provided. That is too bad because you show such potential in writing summary reports. The lack of histogram comparison created a gaping hole in your summarized report. Had you just properly applied the information from the two charts, you could have presented a clearer and more informative summary. Your line chart is very incomplete and does not actually serve an informative purpose because of this.

## petrol expense of citizen in the USA and UK The line graph informs the percentage of petrol expense of citizen in United States and United Kingdom in three categories of people. Overall, it can be seen that people between middle income and rich on both countries have equal number of expense in Petrol. Looking at the figures, the poor people in United States and United Kingdom have different percentage of expense in Petrol. The poorest in Unites States spent about 4-6% of their income on the petrol, while the people in United Kingdom only use 0.5-2% of their income to buy gasoline. However, there was a gradual differences in the use of Petrol of the middle income people in United States, they spent around 5-4% of their income on Petrol. Conversely, the middle income people in United Kingdom experienced significant percentage than poor people, with 3-4% of their income to buy petrol. Interestingly, the group of people between middle income and richest witnessed equal number of percentage in the use of Petrol for both countries. The two line met at 4% on the use of Petrol for both countries. On the end of the figures, the percentage of use of petrol for rich people in United States decreased significantly than middle group at around 2-3%. In contrast, with rich people in United Kingdom with 3-4%. *

Diaz, good work on presenting more than the minimum number of words in your essay. That said, you should have worked on separating the opening statement into at least 3 or 5 sentences instead of presenting such a long thread of information in a continuous line. It is always best to break down the information you are presenting into sentences so that the reader has a chance to really understand and keep track of the information that you are imparting. In the current form, the reader will tend to forget what he is reading about even before he finishes reading the complete paragraph. When you have more sentences in a paragraph, you have a good chance of creating more advanced to complex sentence structures that can increase your grammar accuracy score and also help to increase your task accuracy range because you will show a better understanding of the illustration provided to you as you get to explain more about what you understand than just the obvious data presented.

Hi! I am practising on ielts and i got this prompt The prompt says: **Some people thinks children's spending time on Tv, video and games is good , while others think it is bad .Discuss both view and give your own opinion** ## Children in front of a glowing screen Parents often wonder whether they ought to let their children spend time on TV, video and PC games or not. Many people suppose that spending their time on games can be a good way, whereas others believe the opposite is much better .In my opinion, I believe that TV, video and PC games have pros and cons On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that children's spending time on TV, video and PC games can be a good way. Firstly, children are able to promote their automatic reflex. According to research, solving the circumstances in games require ones accuracy, keen intelligence and concentration. This may bring about spectacular chance to raise the public's awareness of skill for when they play outdoor activities or find the solution for drawback, which requires one's maturity. Secondly, TV, video and games can be both entertaining and educational. Essentially, children are curious, so they really want to explore everything around them even the world. Watching TV, video are beneficial to get more knowledge and information. It is common sense that having more knowledge can prove one's maturity. On the other hand, some people argue that children should not spend their time on TV, video, PC games. Firstly, Children can be addicted to those digital things. Using those technological invention, one will feel comfortable because it always gives one high score or romantic, delighted detail. Stemming from that, one always is obsessed with them and gives priority to using them and isolate from society. That one are using those thing has caused health issue much higher especially obesity. If one watches TV, video and plays games all day without exercise, one will be fat, maybe obesity. In fact, it has a bad impact on children such as their habit, confidence. They must have abstinence which is difficult because they ate a lot. They will feel unconfident about their body therefore they do not want to communicate with anybody To conclude, I think that TV, video and games have advantage and disadvantage. Therefore, parents should let their children play if homework and chores are done before playing

You have the format of the essay all wrong in your second version. There is a particular discussion format that must be followed at all times for a discussion comparison and personal opinion essay. If you can memorize the format, it will be easier for you to write the succeeding essays that require a 2 point of view and one personal opinion discussion. The format is really easy to remember. Just write it in this manner: Par. 1: Summary overview and presentation of your opinion. Par. 2: First point of view discussion with supporting information Par. 3: Second point of view with supporting information Par. 4: Your personal opinion that supports the point of view and information presented in paragraph 3. Par. 5: Conclusion which is comprised of a prompt restatement, 2 points of view, repetition of your personal statement. There are always 5 paragraphs in any given essay for IELTS. The above discussion outline is applicable to the "Discuss both views and give your opinion" prompt instruction. Remember the format. This will make it easier for you to write this essay type in the future.

Hi everyone, I will have the ielts test soon but I'm very weak in the comparison still. Can you help me to take a look on my works and give me some comments? ## household energy usage & gas emissions Question: **The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.** Answer: The pie charts illustrate the percentage of different types of energy used and their greenhouse emission in Australian household. From the first chart, it can be observed that heating is the most popular energy that household used. Over half of the Australian household use heating to provide energy. The second popular energy used in Australian household is water heating which have almost one-third of the household who are using it. Moving to the second chart, it is found that water heating and other appliance emit the largest amount of greenhouse gases which contribute nearly one-third for each. Heating and refrigeration are the second energy sources that contribute the largest amount for greenhouse gases. For water heating, the percentage of energy use and the amount of greenhouse gas emission is nearly the same. However, the percentage of greenhouse emission of heating is greatly lower than that of energy use by 27%. In contrast, the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions for both refrigeration and other appliances doubled the percentage of energy use in Australian household. To conclude, there is no direct relationship between the amount of energy use and the greenhouse gas emission. * *Question - Pie Charts*

Janice, the information that you present is relevant to the pie chart presented. The weakness of your comparison statements comes from the way that you structure the paragraphs. I suggest that you look up a list comparison synonyms online and memorize how to use them in comparison sentences. The is an abundance of examples online for you to refer to. By constantly referring to various modes of comparison within every paragraph, you will increase your lexical resource score and also create more complex sentences with the overall essay. The mechanical presentation of the information will also be minimized as you will be forced to develop more creative thought presentations for the information provided. You understand the information, so focus on improving your comparison sentences for now.

**The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.** ## comparison of the italian and yemeni population Given are pie charts comparing the number of inhabitants in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and their forecasting in a half century later. It is noticeable that, the adolescence and middle-aged population will increase in both of countries. In 2000, at 46,3% of Yemen dwellers was dominated by 15-59 years group, predicted to grow exponentially in 2015, reaching at 57,3%. Conversely, having a half of percentage, the number of pupils is likely to fall at 37% later. However a slight changes of elderly population will be occurred, with just a mere 2,1% increment. On the other hand, the majority of Italian society in 2000 was 15-59 years group, accounting at 61,6%, yet, it will be forecasted to drop at 46,2%. Surprisingly, compared with Yemen, children population in Italian just recorded three times smaller in 2000, with a steady decrease will be experienced in 2050 at 11,5%. However, just one of four citizens was the older group and will be predicted approximately twice greater, standing at 42,3%, as the second biggest population in the future. *

Ayu, why are you indicating the information in the essay based upon thousands of percent when he chart is only introducing it in tenths of a percent? The drawing indicates a period, not a comma in the presentation of percentage points. As you know, accuracy in presenting the information provided is of the utmost importance in this essay. So when you make such a serious mistake in the presentation of the information, you will automatically fail the test, regardless of the efficiency of the other aspects of the band score. Wrong information provided results in a wrong summary report, such as in this case. You need to learn to be more careful, analytical, and accurate in your information presentation. Always double check the data you are presenting against the illustration provided. Otherwise, you find yourself making serious errors such as the one you made above.

Hi! I am practising on ielts and I got this prompt The prompt says : **Some people believe that media should not be allowed to publish information about the private lives of famous people .Others say that everybody has right to keep privacy and this practise must be controlled or even stooped. Discuss both views** ## celebrities popularity and their presence in media Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about private lives of famous people. People have different views that information of the famous should be published by media .While some people argue that everyone has a right keeping their privacy. I believe that people should be respected to keep their own privacy. On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that media should announce information of renowned people. Audience needs to enlighten for what well-known people narrate on stage. For example, when a lot of charity programs have been produced, a lot of celebrities take part in, helping the poor. However, that they are doing for what purpose is not obvious .Because, they really have compassion for the poor or they did that for their own reputation. Therefore, spectators need to know the truth for their gratification. Moreover, there is a symbiotic relationship between celebrities and the media. They are dependent on each other to exist. Famous people need media to spread their reputation , media needs to publish celebrity's information because that is their job. While there are beneficial for multi-side, it is fascinating to say that the pros outweigh In spite of these arguments, I believe that everybody should have right to keep their own privacy. Some self-made celebrities do not want to be misunderstood that they have used their own private life to achieve fame. Selena Gomez is a girl who is truly successful in her chosen field, stuck in affair scandal with Justin Bieber. After that, by applying herself to develop real skill and abilities, she has made a lot of achievements. So terrible are the media does not concern about it. What they try to do is exploits her past, her affair and puts it gossip magazines. Consequently it insults them. Some celebrities may put on a brave front but inside they are really anxious and fearful. Do not do that for your own benefit and push people down To conclusion, although it might seem sensible for media to publish information about private lives of famous people, as long as I personally prefer media should no increase an access to exploit celebrity's privacy

To, try to not type the prompt into the box. That is usually how these mistakes occur. Whenever possible, cut and paste the prompt from the original source. Or, even better, upload a scan of the prompt page. That way you can avoid confusion or misstating the requirements of the essay task. Regardless of the prompt requirement, my analysis of your work still stands. The same errors still exist and need to be corrected. Make sure that you take note of the final prompt instruction regarding how you are expected to discuss the prompt prior to writing the essay. If you are uncertain, ask your instructor first. That is assuming that you are enrolled in IELTS classes. There are various ways of responding to these essays. It is not always an opinion essay so you have to be sure that you present the correct point of view in your presentation.

**Topic :Some children do not have the ability for learning languages.Therefore , schools should not make children do that.Do you agree or disagree.** Please give me appropriate band for this essay , thanks ## no incentives to sharpen children's linguistic skills In the contemporary society , the question whether school-aged individuals , who could not obtain mother-tongue basically , should not be forced to cultivate their personal ability by the ministry of education have drawn much attention from society.Personally , I give my firm opposition to this notion . Foremost,It is a fallacy that children should be not given incentives to sharpen their linguistic skills by their teachers.Therefore,due to the fact that communication by some distance hold a vital position in nowadays lifestyles ,transborder collaboration and international or domestic negotiation,it is obviously crucial for the regulatory bodies to force schools to invest more enormous influx of fundings,human resources to help their exceptional students well-roundedly flourish as ordinary offsprings despite their innate malformation refrain language-based development.From the social perspective , education support empowers children to be able to communicate , in the long term , not only help aforementioned individuals enhance prospective opportunities ,widen personal horizon to get access to contemporary society but also pave the way for the government to generate intellectually well-equipped generations to reinforce financial budgets , foster prosperity especially with knowledge-based economy such as the U.S or VN in the future.If it wasn't for any act of assistant, children would encounter numerous obstacles to survive and thrive in such competitive world. However, to figure out appropriate initiatives needs immediate involvement of both individuals and families ' endeavour besides schools support.As referred previously , since it exert massive effects on personal life , not only mother-tongue but also English could be seen as precursor to facilitate students career become brighter.Accordingly , these extrinsic factors will be collateral culprits to help school-aged individuals satisfy the instant quest for overseas occupation , keep abreast of latest global information.For instance , world would have missed significant scientific breakthroughs if it hadn't been for family support for Albert Einstein , who have suffered from lack of communication, In conclusion, it is necessary for schools encourage children to improve language skills regardless of inborn restrictions and external assistance will be firmly crucial.

Ken, the overall score for your essay cannot be higher than a 2. Yes, I mean that score is what you will get for each and every band criteria. There are a number of reasons that you cannot score higher than this in an actual test, with this type of presentation. The reasons are as follows: 1. The response that you gave slips in and out of relevance to the prompt requirement. You have a tendency to discuss unrelated topics in the essay. 2. You do not have any control of organizational features. The reader has a hard time trying to make sense of the topic that you are trying to discuss per paragraph. 3. Your language problem has created an essay that cannot be understood by the reader due to the problems with lexical resources and sentence structure. You have absolutely no idea as to how to compose even the most simple English sentence in a comprehensible manner. This causes severe stress for the reader. 4. Your punctuation problems are evident throughout the essay. The comma should not take the place of a period and it should not be contained throughout a paragraph. That qualifies your written work as only one sentence instead of a full paragraph. A paragraph is created by knowing when to use periods in your thought presentations. While this essay is truly problematic, I would like you to continue practicing. I know this is your first attempt at writing an IELTS Task 2 essay so the problems are understandable. With constant practice and guidance, you should show some improvement within a week or two. Just write everyday. Don't stop. That is the only way that you can get better at developing these essays.

**Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?** ## how to strengthen transportation networks There is no doubt that the integrated transportation networks, as an essential element of city's development, should be given the highest consideration. Accordingly, in recent years, some people concern that the government's expenditure should focus on railways rather than roads. In my view, I am completely supportive of the opinion that the authority must put the highest priority of its funds to build more railways. In the beginning, there are several causes for constructing railroads, as the modern ways for transportation, and one of the most significant reasons is decreasing the accidents rate in the crowded major cities. For example, underground train in Spain that reduces the fatal accidents ratio by 24% at 2015. Furthermore, improving this type of transportation, have a tremendous benefits on level of affluence and the decent standard of living ,It is not only that but also because of building railways stations aligned with other facilities , the economic feasibility is aiming high as it facilitate the goods transportation easily and safe even agricultural and industrial outputs. Another crucial point to be considered for caring about railways is saving the time of moving for all citizens to go to their directions and also their work in rush hours, consequently, there will be more productivity from every person in his position in society. Finally, one more factor to be examined in this topic, the travelling between countries will be much easier and more safer that travelling through highways roads especially in bad climate. For instance, the Rail Europe that travels between Italy and France passing through Spain Avoiding any environmental change with high safety factors. In conclusion, based on the above-mentioned facts about spending on construction of railways, I admit that it is a must to better by improving and supporting the building of railroads in order to tangible benefits that reflect on individuals and their quality of living. The integration between railways and other transportation services as one of the main precursors to city's evolution.

Ayman, I am assuming that you posted the wrong prompt instructions to go with the essay that you developed. Since you gave a totally different answer than that which the prompt requires, the only score you can get for this essay is a 1. That is the score that is given when the exam taker provides an answer that is totally unrelated to the prompt. Please be more responsible the next time that you post an essay for review. Make sure that you are presenting the correct prompt for the essay. I am really disappointed that I could not give you a better score just because you did not respond to the correct prompt. If you can provide the prompt for the essay that you wrote, I can score you on this current essay instead. The response just has to match the prompt. That is all that you need to be sure of each time you write a practice test.

**The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.** *Write at least 150 words.* ## agricultural, industrial and domestic water usage The charts provides information about water usage for three different purposes in six areas of the world. Firstly , let us take a look at the areas where over four fifth of water is used for agricultural purpose and that leads us to the developing areas, Central Asia, Africa, South America and South East Asia. Furthermore, turning to the industrial use of water, which under half of the percentage are the developed areas, Europe and North America, the opposite of Central Asia, Africa, South America and South East Asia in where the industry is ongoing for development. When it comes to the domestic usage of water , where is tenfold less than the other two purposes shown in the charts, only South America has the biggest usage. In conclusion, is a big difference between developing areas and already developed areas. The water usage for different purposes in six area of the world show a main example. *

Ana, the instructions clearly state that you are to present at least 150 words, nothing less. Yet you are presenting a 139 word count essay for our review here. Be cognizant of the instructions given in the test. Submitting an essay that is less than the word count will result in an automatic failure during the actual test. The mere lack of word requirement for this essay already tells me that the essay has major content issues and does not fully present the information in the strongest manner possible. When tasked to write at least 150 words, you should strive to submit an essay that is at least 175 - 200 words long in order to have a better chance of proving your task accuracy, lexical resource abilities, grammar accuracy / range, and most importantly, your coherence and cohesiveness in providing the summary report. Your work suffered tremendously due to your carelessness. Remember, always check the word count. That is the vital first step in passing this test.

**Most countries allow 18-year-old to drive a car. Some people say this is a good age to start driving. Other people say that the minimum age to drive a car should be at least 25 years** ## Driving skills and safety versus age of a driver Some people believe that the minimum age of driving vehicle is 18 while others consider that 25 is a better age for driving since people are more mature. I believe that the age is not a determining factor as far as the experience is. This essay will analyse both sides of the argument. On the one hand, several people believe that the rates of accidents are increasing due to the negligence of immature young drivers and also they believe that the person is matured enough at the age of 25. Also teens do not have the ability to handle worst situation that happens on the road as they are immature. Moreover, as the impact of movies and television stunts, some of the youngsters modify their cars, engines and race them just for attention of others. Since the maturity has not grown among the teenagers, 25 is the age where a person should be allowed to sit behind the wheel. On the other hand, many people strongly believe that most of the accidents caused by the young drivers are because of lack of experience regardless the age. People of any age group without adequate experience can cause such accidents. Instead of increasing the driving age limit, the government have to identify the root cause of the accidents and appropriate preventive measures should be taken accordingly. For Instance, every road should be given a moderate speed limit and the drivers should be penalised on spot if they exceed the limited speed. The government should make more awareness about the reckless and drunk driving among the public and it definitely reduce the accidents to a great extent. In conclusion, the driving age should not be raised to 25 and the people over 18 should be allowed to drive as long as they are experienced enough.

Ahamad, I cannot score this test accurately because the prompt instructions that you provided is incomplete. I have no idea as to how you were expected to argue the topic in the essay. Normally, the students that post their essays for review here include their complete prompt instructions, not just the discussion topic. The reason that they do that is because we cannot judge the Task Accuracy score without it. Since the task accuracy score is the first step in scoring, I am not able to judge your cohesiveness and coherence either. I am not so concerned about the lexical resource or grammar range and accuracy because those are the least of the concerns when judging the essay. Those 2 last points can receive a high score provided that the first 2 points, deliver a high score as well. So please present the full prompt, with the discussion instruction at the end so that I can properly score your essay.

Hi! I am practising on ielts and i got this prompt The prompt says : **Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development .However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence .Discuss both views and give your own opinion.** ## child's development Child's development which belongs to many factors is really complicated. While some people are of the opinion that parents have the most essential role in child's development, others believe friends or other environmental factors such as TV have the most important effect. It is certainly true that parents have the important role. They can interact with their children by so many methods. By using daily word or action, they are making a influence on their children's traits and personality. For example, while their children are growing up, they read for their children the stories to the behavioral habits right before bed time, they use the appropriate words or the gentle ways they act every day, encouraging them imitating exactly .Therefore, it naturally comes in their life, becomes behavior and socializing process .It is really hard or impossible to be changed even when they in the bad environment because it was acquired when they were a child. People will appreciate them in society. Their children will be responsible and know how to deal with the inevitable stuffs in their life. They will become good citizen and devote their contribution for the country. Nowadays, some other children spend much more their time in school than with their family so it is widely believed that friends have the significant role in child's development. They'll know and learn about society's things such as friendship and relationship. Good relationship was built with their friends, giving raise to confidence and comfort. Without their parents, they will find out the way to win the competition confidently. Because they know their friends always stay behind and support them. So many private stuffs which children never want to confide with their parents so they share comfortably with their friend. Maybe they scare their parents do not sympathy or support them. Building a good relationship with their friend, they will become sociable. And then, they can get used to with any environments. It can be argued that in some cases, television has an important role in child's development. Making an increase to different things is evident way. Children are always curious about everything around them. The more riveting things they see , the more curious they are . So television can show them a lot of interesting things such as different culture , food , toys and so many things . Not only do television entertain, but also it provides knowledge to children. Family ,television and friends are important factors in child's development. In my opinion, it has been suggested that family is a strongest impact to children because every child at least spends 4 to 5 years with their family before getting in touch with outside environment . Their awareness becomes life in this period, deciding the ways they are going to grow up ,the ways they act too.

I am not sure what you mean by your first sentence. There is a lacking subject in it. Care to give it another try? I am more than happy to explain anything to you, provided I can understand what your question is. Right now, I am not sure what the purpose of the first sentence is so I would really appreciate a clarification on your part. Did you accidentally use a period when you meant to use a comma to present your thoughts? If you did, then you have to be more careful next time and make sure that you do not accidentally present incomplete sentences. Most specially in your practice tests. That will definitely be a major problem for your score if you happen to do that in the actual test. Now, if you really want a run down of your scores, per scoring criteria, it would most likely be as follows: Task accuracy - 4 - this is due to the fact that you did not cover all of the necessary points as indicated in the prompt. This includes the lack of individually discussed pro, con, and opinion issues in the essay. Coherence & Cohesiveness - 4 - you could have done a better job in explaining the issues on hand if you had followed the format suggested by the prompt instructions for your paragraph discussion presentations. Lexical Resource - 4 - you are using simple and basic English words which does not show a more advanced grasp of the language. This also proves a limited ability to use English in word formations since you opted to discuss the topic in simple English terms. Grammar Range and Accuracy - 4 - While the sentence development is acceptable, there are some problems in the way that you developed the presentation of the sentence. This led to a limited range of sentence structures on your part which resulted in the low score. Don't lose heart. Just keep on applying the corrections you receive in your essays in your future practice tests. I am sure you will only improve from this point on. It is the only thing that can happen for as long as you keep the faith.

Around the world people are working more than ever. Some people believe that spending more time at work enhances the economy and builds a stronger society, while others disagree, stating that a system that promotes work-life balance\* leads to a healthier, happier, and economically stronger society. Discuss both viewpoints and provide your own opinion. ## \*Work-life balance is a concept including prioritizing between "work" (career and ambition) and "lifestyle" (health, pleasure, leisure, family and spiritual development/meditation). Sample Outline I- Introduction II- Viewpoint # 1: Working more builds an economically strong society and provides positive benefits III - Viewpoint # 2: Balancing work-life responsibilities provides social benefits while building an economically stronger society IV - Your personal viewpoint on this issue. My essay: Global industries seem to have exploded in the economic and technological situation for many years and get some frequent changes in working policy. Thus, these changes impacted on most of human life in the world, and one of them is stretching out working time of employees. Some people believe that spending more time at working place will enhance the economy and build a stronger society, but the others have an opposite opinion: working overtime could promote some advances in their work-life balance such as making your health better, improving your emotion and opening an economically stronger society. In this essay, I will describe both two sides of these ideas and demonstrate my opinion about this situation. Many companies' primary goal is to succeed in their business by increasing its revenue; therefore, extending the working hours is vital for profit maximization. As can be seen, employees who are working overtime can bring a huge profit for their organization and make their company in the black; hence, either the national microeconomics or macroeconomics will be developed and be improved, too. Unfortunately, every change is also a double-edged sword, employees who work more hours have one concept called "the boredom of time." "The boredom of time" makes employees feel tired or lost their passion at work if they know that they are being told to work overtime, so they just work in low performance. This situation could result in low in finished; thus, investors' revenues are going to be decreased. To solve this problem, many companies and organizations raise their employees' salary in orders to improve their passion for work when they have to work overtime. As a result, it provides a lot of positive benefits on economic and also builds a better society. Not only working overtime could create an economically stable society, but also makes people's life better and better. Extending working hours with increasing salary helps employees stay out of a severe budget squeeze and a red ink situation, too. Individuals who work more could get more money to improve their living experiences. For example, they will be able to offer their housing and have better food quality; furthermore, they can save up a small budget to use for emergency, or their children stuff, etc. Consequently, they promote a better work-life balance and get happier. However, we can't have the best of both worlds. Working more hours could get a risk of the bad general state of health because workers are easy to be overload themselves. Accordingly, employees will not get high performance on their work, and their companies' progress will be slowed down, and these companies will be loss-making. Many businesses and organizations are used to solve this problem by offering their employees new policies and insurance. For example, workers who do more hours of working will receive a protection service which provides inspection tests on depression occurred by overworking such as stress, insomnia or cardiac arrhythmia - a syndrome of heartbeat diseases and disorders, every quarter and provide a solution when a worker have the risk of getting these symptoms, too. Also, many companies give their employees more time to break, and give break time is longer than usual. As a result, overtime workers can make more money, and balance their lifestyle without any risk too. It has a chance of making them healthier, happier and economically stronger society. In conclusion, I both agree that spending more time at work enhances the economy, builds a stronger community and promotes people work-life balance. But everything got its two sides, spending more time at work can get more benefits for workers' daily life, but it also leads to some related problems such as decrease body's resistance or lack of time-balance. But with solutions to resolve these risks, I believe that it will be possible to get more and more benefit to employees' work-life balance and also build a stronger economic environment. I just need some help to make my essay better, thank you for helping me.

Luong, you have written an extremely well researched essay. Normally, I would congratulate you on such a well written paper. However, the sheer amount of research that you put into this essay tells me that there is no way you would be able to write this well in an actual test. For one thing, the essay is too long and contains academic information. A TOEFL or IELTS test mostly asks you to rely on your practical knowledge of a topic in order to write your essay due to time constraints when taking the test. During the actual test, you will not be allowed to use outside sources as the system will be locked to the LAN of the testing center. Therefore, while you wrote a very good essay, you did not write an essay that simulates the actual exam experience and as such could result in you failing the test if you continue to practice the tests using non-existent sources in the exam center. Another note for you is the way that you presented your paraphrased prompt. In trying to show the reviewer that you have an extensive English vocabulary, you ended up presenting the same side of the discussion rather than presenting one supporting and one opposing side in the paraphrasing of the prompt requirement. That was an oversight on your part and should easily be resolved in your succeeding tests if you remain conscious of the fact that you need to present 3 opinions in total (pro, con, personal) for a successful essay.

## **How to research on the Internet** No one can confuse the important and convenient of Internet because it connects people through the world and sources plenty information of a lot of generation. Therefore, internet is the great library for a lots students and scholars who want to make a research for their project. However, not-at-all information-on-the-Internet is accurate so be careful when research. If you want to know how to make a safely research on the Internet, just give intention for 5 following step. First, decide where you begin to find information. Nowadays, we have a lot of local and college libraries have an Internet database access. For example, you can access to your ISU library by the official website. However, some library have password and if you aren't their member, it is difficult to search information in there. The second solution is Google Scholar, you can search the safely free data on this online engine. Beside, you can choose official websites of Government with the end ".gov" and data from there is supplied for free and credible. When you do a research, be careful with the wrong information and try the best to find the credible data source. Second, find the mental of information you want to find. When you research on the Internet, if you don't really know what you want to find and type some general keywords, you will be received thousands results include useless and useful. Hence, identify the keyword of your need information. For instance, you want to do a research of Marketing, you can begin with Phillip Kotler - the father of Marketing major and you will brief a lot of results. That is the reason why keyword or mental information is really important on Internet research. If you find a safely data sources, identify keywords as quickly as possible. Third, check credibility such as author, date, reliability and accuracy. You have to prove where you take an information, who is its author and the day of this research. For example, some medicine research make on 1960 and this information may be out of date and useless for your research, you need to find some newer data. Remember, you make a research and it have to accurare, so make everything as exact as possible. Four, complete and amend your research. We have a lot of research methods such as qualitative research, quantitative research, Research on site, experimental study, quasi-experimental study and so on. You can find the methods which is suitable for you. Finally, when everything is done, you just check and amend it. That is 5 steps to do a research on the internet. Please remember: find safely data source, stress your mental keyword, make sure about accuracy and useful of information, complete and amend your research.

Thuy, this is a very interesting essay that readers can benefit from. The only drawback to the work that you did is that your vocabulary is faulty most of the time. I guess this is because of English being your second language. Don't worry though, you can still improve in that aspect. You can start improving your vocabulary by using the online grammar exams that are free to most users. These tests will help you learn the differences between the various tenses of words that are commonly used in TOEFL writing. On a personal level, you should also try to read English dictionaries, I do not mean the online ones. I mean the actual dictionary, no matter how thin or thick the pages may be. Why do I advice you to do that? One of the flaws of ESL writers is that there is a tendency to use a word out of context. Meaning you are using a word without actually knowing the meaning so it creates a faulty sentence when you use it in your test. By reading a dictionary, you will learn the correct meaning of words, how it is used in a sentence, and when or when not to use it in your written work. Through repetition, you will also remember the words that you are reading along with its correct spelling and word meaning which will help you create more grammatically and vocabulary accurate essays.

I am practising on ielt and i got this prompt: The prompt says: **In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effect of this trend** ## sports and exercises train character and life skills The past few years have witnessed a dramatic increase in proportion of subjects. In many countries ,Some people think that students should extend their understanding beyond the boundaries of sports and exercise classes which are replaced with academic subjects .Based on my experiences and observation, as far as I concerned that this thought is not completely justifiable. Firstly, sports and exercise classes are the good method to train character and life skills. Needless to say, sports have taught us how important cooperation is. For example, when ones play football, not only are ones talent, but also ones need how to combine with anyone else, because the more competitive ones are, the more lower score ones get. Ones need cooperation to build plans and formation. If someone on the team does not associate with each other, that team will lose. Not only do sports need it, but also one's life, one'swork and community even need it to exist. Moreover, sports and exercise classes built good health and flexibility. Nowadays, when advanced technology which are encouraging a lot of benefits have been invented , so ones are too lazy to do exercise .Consequently , Ones have to suffer from so many diseases such as diaries , cancers , obesity , ... we need to do exercise to prevent those things from our health. Although, sports and exercise classes are really beneficial and healthy, we should not spend all our time devoting for them. Ones have to learn academics subjects such as science to solve unresolved problems. For example, if ones want to know where diseases come from or how to find the solutions to whatever drawbacks, ones need to have knowledge from academic subjects ones have learnt. By using those knowledge, ones find out what we ones have to do. To conclude, we have to separate our time for muscular class and academic subjects logically. Instead of spending all time studying, and one should spend a little time to exercise and the opposite

To, the essay needs to have a better presentation on your part. You have 2 possible topics for discussion squished into a single paragraph when the expectation of the reader, would have been for you to separate the topics in order to create a clearer and more cohesive / coherent discussion of the essay. There should have been one paragraph for the lesson about sportsmanship and cooperation and then another for the health issue, specifically obesity. By the way, do not use special characters such as ellipses in your writing. This is a formal, academic essay so the sentences need to be free of clutter and filler punctuation marks. You also need to double check your capitalization, you have the word "Consequently" in capital, then a comma, then another capital letter. However, the capital letter does not represent a noun therefore, it should have been written totally in lower case letters. I would score this essay no higher than a 4 or 5 overall.

I want an essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8 Here is my topic **Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss bother these vies and give your own opinion.** ## Who should teach children how to behave properly? There is a rising problem in the society about influencing good behaviour on children and many working parents believe that young minds should be tough by school whereas rest say guardian have to teach values, ethics and manners. In my view, I would have to agree with the fact that parents must teach their children about being good members in the community. First of all, from toddler stage parents are with their kids all the time and because of that some people tend to see children tries to copy their parents' behaviour, communication & habits. Some of these are very noticeable, for example, having a pleasant smile and helping people could go a long way. There are times kind words could do the trick such as 'have a nice day', 'god bless you'. As a result, it would indirectly impact on kids to have a good behaviour. While being good some people are trying to go dark side. Tolerance & selfless must be important to live in the community. Generally school system teaches how to be competitive. Furthermore, this system actually could brainwash and turn kids to be selfish. Even though schools are trying to provide a competition, parents must not provide the same environment for their children. Instead, parents should teach taking things slow and winning is not everything. Therefore, kids actually learn to work together and build robust foundation for every one rather than working for their own cause. On the other hand, it's understandable that both parents have to work because of sky high living cost. Everybody wants to provide the best for their kids and because of that parents actually have lack of time to spend with their family. For them, the option would be the school system. For example, a single mother might have to couple of jobs to raise her two kids. Therefore, these single parents have to turn their cheek and rely on school system. In conclusion, values, ethics & manners have to be taught by parents to raise a good children to a good & valuable member in the society. For others, they have to hope for the best that school system would not fail them.

Nadeesha, my opinion is that your score for this essay would be around a 3. I know, it is an extremely low score but please, allow me to explain why from the point of view of an examiner, I decided that you would not get an overall score higher than this number. While you did a good job of explaining the prompt requirement to the reader, your discussion did not properly expand on the given topic. In fact, you accidentally changed the prompt discussion within your essay when it came to the discussion of the role of the school in teaching children how to be good members of society. By the way, you used the word "though" when you were supposed to say "taught" in the paragraph. Be conscious of your word usage, the wrong term used in the wrong context will drag down your individual lexical resource score. Your second paragraph that dealt with how the parents taught children good manners and right conduct was right on the dot. It was informative, used proper examples, and had an enlightened conviction in the way that you presented the discussion from that point of view. I have no faults to point out in that paragraph. The third paragraph does not discuss how schools and educators can help students becomes good members of society. You speak of a dark side regarding competition. That is a prompt deviation. Competition in schools does not relate to a dark side as competition is taught to the children as a trait that will help them succeed in the future. There is nothing negative about competition being taught in school. More importantly, schools often grade students in GMRC which stands for Good Manners and Right Conduct. Therefore, schools also teach the child to become a good member of society usually through social studies classes. So your discussion in that paragraph is flawed. That is the main reason why I believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 in this particular test. There were lexical problems, grammar and sentence structure issues, and shortcomings in your task accuracy that affected my decision.

**Parents are the best teachers. Agree or Disagree?** ## Parents are: too busy, too impatient, and are not experts in teaching In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that the parents are the best teachers. There are three reasons for this. Firstly, most parents are busy with their work, secondly, usually they do not have a proper knowledge and methodology to convey the information to the children, and lastly they are impatient. To begin, I think that the parents are not the best teachers at all. Probably, we can find some parents who handle with children easily. Most of them are parents with educational background and have enough time spend with their kids - freelancers, house women. As a matter of fact, the most parents are always lack of time, because they strive to handle their daily workload. They do not even have a enough time to spend with their kids. This kind of parents substitutes their duties by others - babysitters. For example, my parents were military officers, and they had no time to deal with us throughout the weekdays. I had to wait for them until midnight. Therefore I think that they were no the best teachers at all. Furthermore, in most cases, parents experience difficulties in dealing with their children, especially in preparing or doing homework. They usually do not have adequate knowledge, expertise and methodology to handle with the kids. For instance, I have three children. Two of them are boys. Elder one is eight-years-old - in a third grade know. Next one is five-year-old. He is an in a kindergarten. Honestly, I always experience difficulty when I help to do their homework, because of the shortage of proper methodology in hand. To overcome these difficulties I usually have to consult with their teachers to solve the task. Moreover, parents are not the best teachers because they are impatient when dealing with their children. In fact, children learn gradually, and it takes time. Also, early learners are not able to study for a long time. Some parents do not understand to be a patient when dealing with the kids and began to scold. Impatience will lead to disappointment and frustration by early learners. Sometimes it discourages children. In conclusion, I would say that the parents are not always the best teachers because they have no time, they lack methodology, and they are impatient.

Ochir, I don't know if you were told this when you joined the forum or not but, it is always best that you present the original prompt requirement at the top of your response essay. That is so that we can have an accurate point of referral in terms of considering the content of your essay and its overall presentation. Right now, I cannot decide whether you have approached the prompt in the proper manner or not. Kindly provide the information I need as soon as you can so that I can better assess your responsiveness to the required prompt elements. In the meantime, I am going to offer you a general review of your essay. Overall, your line of reasoning is sound. Even though there are certain grammatical errors in the sentence structure, your coherence was not affected and you still managed to provide a logical sense of discussion within the written work. There is no faulting your line of reasoning, provided you have adhered to the proper prompt instructions. If you complied with the instructions perfectly, I do not see why you would not something higher than just a mere passing score for this essay. Good work.

I am practising on ielts and i got this prompt The prompt says: **Some people say that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together . To what extend do you agree that internet is making it easier for people to communicate with another ?** ## Internet and communication The past 10 years , Advanced technology has become popular including internet , which is making our communication much easier and bringing people together. The rationale of this thought is less clear and dependent on individual opinions and attitudes. While they are valid arguments to the contrary, I think Internet has helped us have better communication . However, the benefits should be seen in light of few substantial drawbacks. To begin with , Internet has definitely made our communication become easier. Internet have so many ways to communicate and chat without regarding spaciousness. Nowadays , so many technologically communicative apps have been invented such as Facebook , Twitter, Skype, etc... They are really helpful, convenient and chip . All ones need to do is make a call by using those apps, and then we can communicate and see everyone all over the world on our devices. We do not need to worry how much it costs like telephones. Needless to say, Increasing the access to fastest information. The past few decades, when Internet has not been invented yet, if we had wanted to express our feeling or information to the ones who lived different places or countries , we would have had to write letters and send it by Mail and Parcel service or doves . Sending those letters and waiting for the response. Nothing guaranteed that it would be right away received by the recipients or maybe be lost. To use technologically communicative apps is one of the rapid ways to send and received the responses However , if we do not know how to use it usefully , we will destroy those benefits by ourselves . Living in illusion is a obvious way. Ones make a mistake by regarding those apps so much and forgot caring themselves, their families and people around them .Consequently , they will be controlled by those apps which Not only do affect their health , but also bring ones far away from realistic life and a lot of serious effects. In conclusion ,I think that Internet is successful way to communicate and bring people together ,even few issues need to be solved by ourselves. Not only for communication , but also a lot features such as getting information , business, and transaction , etc....

Maito, the essay that you wrote has a major problem in terms of lexical resource and grammar range / accuracy. It would be best that you use a dictionary before you use a term in your essay. If you know the spelling, look up the meaning of the word first. That is because you have a tendency to use the wrong word even though the meaning of your sentence is clear to the reader. Grammar accuracy and the use of the correct term is of the utmost importance in scoring your essay properly. The major mistake that I saw in this paper was the use of the word "chip" when what you meant to say was "cheap". A "chip" is "a small piece of something removed in the course of chopping, cutting, or breaking something, especially a hard material such as wood or stone." While "cheap" means "at or for a low price." You meant the latter. So you can see how your essay would score low in terms of lexical resource and grammar accuracy. With regards to your sentence formation, please remember that this is an academic essay and as such should not contain ellipses (...) nor the word "etc." as those are more geared towards informal writing. Your overall score in this essay could be a 5 in my opinion.

## billions in a pocket Although I am not a poor student it is probably impossible that I could become billionaire however let's find out what would I do and where would I invest all the money. Does not matter how would I get the amount of money... I´m extremely interested in confectionary, therefore it could be my first choice. On the other hand we ought to be generous and gracious thus I would look for other ways how to spend the proper amount of money. Honestly in our country are overmuch number of schools and hospitals, which need aid. I think it is right to provide humanitarian aid for people in need. Accordingly I would support schools and hospitals which are at least appreciated. Secondly, I would like to provide food, permanent shelters and clothes for the poor. I am aware of not being able to grant all the poor nevertheless I could help some of them. Thirdly, it is necessary to improve the quality of jobs and ensure better working conditions. And also I would like to boost opportunities for young people such as courses and lectures at no costs. Finally, it would be useful to improve the synergy between civil and defence space programmes... Being billionaire is not matter of option. You must be firm and strong because of people who become your friends due to your cash on your wallet.

Krystof, are you writing this essay as part of your English writing classes? The topic is unique and not academic in nature so I am guessing that this is not for a college application. Or is it? Please correct me if I am wrong. You have written very good foundation sentences for your paragraphs. What you have to do is make the paragraphs better developed by further developing the ideas you presented. For example, when you talk of the need for hospitals in your country, tell the reader what kind of hospitals these will be. Will it be community hospitals subsidized in funding by your money and the government? Or will it be a charity medical center fully funded by your foundation? Speaking of foundations, you do know that billionaires spend their money by giving money to charity through their foundations right? So I think you should first establish that as a billionaire, you will first start a foundation for general needs in your country. That way you will be able to properly spend the money that you wish to donate to the causes and advocacy that mention in your essay. Like I said, you have good topics for discussion. The problem that your essay faces is that you do not discuss how you will disseminate your funds and what the additional objectives of your foundation will be. As a billionaire, you cannot just write a check to give away your money, you still need to account for the expenses that the charities you support receive via the foundation.

Hi ! I am practising ielts . Please give me correct scoring if you can The prompt says : **Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individual to change their life style to prevent further damage . What are your views?** ## proposals for the solution of the climate change problem Solutions of climate change have become a source of controversy all over the world. This raises a certain issue as to whether this problem depends on individual's life style and governments have no responsibility at all. On the balance, it is my position that governments and individuals are simultaneously liable for one First of it , the results of industry , which have produced carbon dioxide to cause greenhouse can only be solved and controlled by governments . They know how to diminish pollution such as limiting gas and fuel consumption, investing money to grow plants, trees. Moreover, governments also should enforce policies and punish the manufactories which intend to do illegally . For example , Paris agreement signed by UNFCCC members is dealing with greenhouse gas emission . Nevertheless , Not only do governments have responsibility for this problem, but also individuals must be the part of this one , if ones want to live in the clear and less polluted Earth . Instead of caring about inappropriate stuffs , ones should research how to improve our environment regarding realistic actions by themselves such as do not throw the trash away after using those , which can be recycled because the more less unconscious we are , the more polluted the earth becomes. As individuals, with environmental knowledge , ones ought to encourage the others to that individuals should use less electricity , use public transportation or by walking cycling ,... To conclude ,I think if both governments and individuals understand how The Earth needs them , the environment will be saved .

Hi Mai, thanks for posting the complete prompt and revised essay on your part. Having reviewed your work in reference to the prompt, I have to say that you cannot score higher than a 5 for this particular task. What is preventing you from getting a higher score in this essay are the problems that exist within it. For starters, you were quite careless when it came to using punctuation marks. You neglected to place a period at the end of sentences and, even more concerning, is that you used a comma and ellipses to close the essay. That is never done in this instance as there is no room for contemplative comments in a discussion essay. The use of ellipses makes it seem like there is more a conversation coming when in actuality, that is the end of the essay. It misleads the reader and causes the examiner to feel stress at the end because there was no additional information forthcoming. Next, there is a lack of pertinent information presentation in the essay. The clear evidence of this can be found in the second paragraph where you begin to discuss the Paris Climate Agreement towards the end of the essay. You present the name of the agreement but then fail to explain its relevance and importance to the issue of climate change. Without the proper development of your last sentence line, the information you gave only serves to confuse the examiner. Keep in mind that you have to assume that the examiner is unfamiliar with your reasons and therefore, requires some sort of better developed discussion of it in the essay. Your concluding statement is too short to be considered a valid conclusion. You must improve that presentation because the concluding statement is required to have at least 3 informative sentences within it before it can be considered as a proper concluding statement.

I am a beginer of writing essays. So could you give me exactly what i lack of and what i need to do. ## Understanding the Earth Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individual to change their life style to prevent further damage Solution of climate change has become a source of controversy all over the world. This raises a certain issue as to whether this problem depends on individual's life style and governments have no responsibility at all. On the balance, it is my position that governments and individuals are simultaneously liable for one First of it , the results of industry , which have produced carbon dioxide to cause greenhouse only can be solved and controlled by governments . They know how to diminish pollution such as limiting gas and fuel consumption, investing money to grow plants, trees. Moreover, governments also should enforce policies and punish the manufactories which intend to do illegally . For example , Paris agreement signed by UNFCCC members is dealing with greenhouse gas emission . Nevertheless , Not only do governments have responsibility for this problem, but also individuals must be the part of this one , if ones want to live in the clear and less polluted Earth . Instead of caring about inappropriate stuffs , ones should research how to improve our environment regarding realistic actions by themselves such as do not throw the trash away after using those , which can be recycled because the more less unconscious we are , the more polluted the earth becomes. As individuals, with environmental knowledge , ones ought to encourage the others to that individuals should use less electricity , use public transportation or by walking cycling ,... To conclude ,I think if both governments and individuals understand how The Earth needs them , the environment will be saved .

Mai, since you are a newcomer to the forum, I guess you do not know that we require you to post the prompt that you are responding to before you post the essay that you wrote in response to it. That will help us to assess the problems of your essay stemming from prompt compliance to scoring the bandwidth criteria. So kindly post the prompt requirement below my response to you for a more detailed assessment of your work. As of now, I can tell you that the major mistake you made in this essay is that you placed your opinion as a separate paragraph before you presented the proper overview statement in the introductory paragraph that should have included a short note as to what your personal opinion will be as presented in the essay. That is the main problem that I found with your work. The rest of the essay is acceptable enough at the moment. That opinion will change as you post the prompt you are responding to. By the way, normally, your personal opinion is presented in the fourth paragraph as that is meant to serve as the transition statement going into your conclusion. Just a note for you to remember when you write your next practice test. I will reserve the additional review of your essay work for when you have already posted your prompt requirement. By the way, please identify if it is a practice test for TOEFL or IELTS. That way we can use the correct scoring system for your work. That is if you want to have your work scored. You should tell us if you want it scored as well.

**Art is considered an essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art?** ## Art's lesser appreciation Playing paramount role in culture and society, the existence of art is neglected by the development of science, technology, and business. This phenomenon is viral in society, adjusting the way people think then decreasing their respect to art. However, some efforts should be done to bring back art position in society. This will be explained as follows. Art is closely akin to abstract things such as music, painting, and sculpture as well as poem aimed to entertain people. This area beautifies and fascinates the tangible things used by people in their daily life. Hence due to its indirect impact, more and more people look down at art. Otherwise, science, technology, and business always discover new inventions affected human's convenience. Offering applicative solutions, those products enhance society's welfare for instance, the cutting-edge smartphone ease people around the world to communicate. However, art is not mere beautification, urgently, how to alter human's perspective and trigger the creativity. Without art, scientist conducted research, business earned profit or engineer innovate machine will face difficulties to connect the previoys theory with the reality because art train critical thinking to solve problem However, to encourage people interest in art, stakeholders should be campaign the beneficial of study art, such as the teacher introduces art as compulsory subject in school. In addition, government allocate budget to renovate art galleries or museums and increase the facilities inside. Art combined with technology will excite more visitors. In conclusion, art plays important role in human's life and science indeed. Therefore, a good cooperation and effort between stakeholders and citizens are highly demanded to preserve the existence of art in society.

Ayu, I believe that your essay can garner an overall score of 5. That means that is the highest score that you can possibly get, in my opinion, for all 4 scoring brackets of the task 2 essay. The reason for this is simple. The essay does not completely and properly address the prompt requirements. In fact, there is a confusion regarding your presentation of the paraphrased prompt. You have a tendency to cause undue stress or confusion for the reader because of your lack of properly developed ideas and improper sentence structures. While I understand that you are trying to use more complex English words, you have to understand that complex words, used in the wrong context, ends up being hurtful to your score in the end. That is because you do not properly deliver on your thoughts or explanations. These are problems that can be fixed over time. The more familiar you get with the English vocabulary, the more proper your writing will become in terms of word usage and lexical resources.

## many ways to pollute the atmosphere - not only by flight These days people involve in environmental protection more than earlier due to pollution has been began as a result of industrial revolution in the 19th century.Environmental pollution can be identified as three main types such as air pollution Land pollution and water pollution.Many people think that air pollution is the most harmful pollution type in the environment since harmful atmosphere make it difficult for plants,animals and humans to survive as the air becomes dirty.Even though some people believe that by reducing air travel can be protected environment,it can't believe since there are many reasons for environmental contamination. one way to do this would be limit air travel because these days many people use air travel as a transportation method as a result of reducing price of air ticket rather than past.Furthermore there is no argument that air travel is the fastest method for transportation. As a result of increasing air travel it is caused to burn more fossil fuels by releasing large amount of sulfur oxides to atmosphere.Therefore,by limiting air travel it can be protect environment by reducing release of sulfur oxides . However,There are many other ways we could reduce emissions, for example if we can increase use of Biomass fuels instead of use fossil fuels it cause to minimize production of sulfur oxides.Furthermore,when we consider about other facts which cause to air pollute it seems that air travel is not the main reason for air pollution.Agriculture activities,exhaust from factories and industries ,Mining operations and house hold cleaning products emit toxic chemicles in the air pollution.Hence,by increasing efficiency of fuel,way pollute atmosphere.use wind,building carbon capture plants and replace coal based electric by using Nuclear can be reduced air impurity. In summary I believe that reducing air travel is not most effective way of reducing emissions because it is not only way pollute atmosphere.

Chathuri, it would be best for your essay if you can provide us with the complete prompt instructions. At the moment, I cannot decipher the point of your essay and how it should be scored based on the band requirements because the conversation you are presenting is highly confusing and as such, does not make sense to the reader. This sort of stress upon the reader is what will earn you a low to failing score in an actual test. I believe that once you provide the complete prompt, I will be able to better direct your essay towards a proper set up. At the moment, your essay suffers severely in the areas of task accuracy and grammar range / accuracy. There is a lack of cohesive and coherent discussion because of the lack of focus in sentence topics. Finally, your lexical resources are questionable as they do not match the type of debate that you are trying to present. I can show you how to improve the discussion, but first, I need to know how the instructions are requiring you to respond to the prompt. Please post the original instructions in this thread as soon as you can so that I can offer you a more insightful review of your work.

**The graph below gives information about the number of cases of diarrhea in Mashhad between 1983 and 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant** ## specific condition among Mashhad's dwellers Given is the line graph describing the changes of diarrhea cases in Mashhad for nine years. Overall, for the beggining of periods, the number of diarrhea cases remained relatively static, however predominant cases was experienced throughout the last periods prior to no case was detected in the year of 1992. In 1983, Mashhad's dwellers infected diarrhea stood at 100 cases, remaining stable for three years later. Following this, moderate growth was shown in 1986, reaching around 175 cases, then increased slightly to near 200 cases in 1987. In the next period, some violent fluctuations of diarrhea cases was shown. This plunged to the similar number with initial period (around 90 cases). In 1988, surprisingly, an tremendous increase was noticed to around 400 cases, almost four time as high as previous period. However, it dropped noticeably to just over 350 cases in 1991. Interestingly, in 1992, no diarrhea case was recorded after an enormous fall was occured. *

Ayu, while your essay is well within the 150 requirement of the task, it feels like you did not try to impress the reviewer by completing more informative sentences per paragraph. This is specially noticeable in the first paragraph where you only have 2 sentences that do not really deliver an overview of the important keywords in the line chart. If you had included some keywords, you would have scored better in terms of task accuracy, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. In the second paragraph, when you indicated that the figures remained stable, you should have indicated the consecutive years including the number of cases per year as the chart specifically indicates the rates on a year to year basis. That is important information that you failed to present. Simply picking up from 1986 is not as informative because you did not outline the years in the establishing sentence prior to it. In the last paragraph, do not use the term "violent" as that signifies and action instead of a charting trend. The more appropriate term to use would have been either significant or notable, in keeping with the academic trend of writing.

Write about the following topic: **University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** Answer: ## uneven number of both sexes students I do agree that university should accept the same number of male or female student in every subject. University should not specifically accept more girls or boys for whatever purpose. Of course,university must have no bias on male or female .They judge students by their GPA, expertise, sport performance, or characteristics. They should concern that whether abilities of the student fulfill the subject . But what if there are more female/male students want to go to some subjects? What if the bias and the sexist have already existed in society? People grow up with those perception which affect us on our choices. There are more female nurses than male ones.There are more male police officers than female ones. People could see this phenomenon at a lot of work. These factors would make affect us on decisions including which subject we choose.So, if there are more male student want to major in some subject ,university would naturally accept more male student. No matter university means it or not. But it doesn't mean university has bias. So this is not a question about how should university be fair or what is my opinion about how university may have prejudges. The point is how we jump off the stereotype in society to find what we really want to be. The first step is that education system should portray the idea about equality or looking for our own interests before we choosing the subject or work in the future. People should not be judged only by appearance or gender.

Ho, you approached this essay from the wrong perspective. In fact, you seem to have decided to answer a totally different question from the one posed before you towards the end of the essay. This could not score any higher than a 1 in my opinion because of the way that you deviated totally from the standard IELTS task 2 presentation. The problems of your essay include, but are not limited, to the following: 1. Improper paraphrasing of the prompt requirement. A discussion of your personal opinion does not belong in the introductory statement. Only an overview of the prompt and its supporting discussions are required in this part. 2. You are posing questions in the essay that, although related to the original prompt, you do not properly respond to in the paragraph. Thus, the paragraph becomes weak, irrelevant, and inappropriate for the discussion. 3. Your conclusion does not relate to the prompt requirement at all. It discusses a totally different question from the original prompt. Which would in the end result in this essay totally failing in the task accuracy score. These major problems with your essay show a lack of English comprehension abilities. As such, you need to practice your reading comprehension exercises more, prior to writing more practice tests. Otherwise, you will continue to make the same mistakes and not improve regardless of how many essays you practice writing.

**"Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?** ## "How do celebrities become famous?'' That question has become a source of controversy over in the world. The rational of this question is less clear and dependent on individual opinion. The most answers received are by their glamour, wealth and a lot kind of scandals to increase bad influence on young generation. Based on Mỹ experience, I definitely agree with them. There are two reasons for my perspective on this First of it , Causing negative effects and bad example on young people .The message to young people is that success can be achieved easily is an obvious evidence. Some people think that the more scandals celebrities get, the more famous they are. Consequently, if one wants to be famous, one must know how to get glamour and wealth. No matter how illegal one is trying to. Can you imagine when it becomes a theory that so hard does one work that one gets nothing at all. There, school works is not necessary. Paris Hilton is known by scandals. She spends the most of times attending parties and nightclubs instead of training to become good character. She is a good example for who achieved fame by wrong reasons. Moreover, they are bad role models that young people trend to follow. Not only have celebrities used their glamour and wealthy to be known, but also they have used such as: alcohol ,marihuana, sexual harassments, outrageous words ,..... However, there are many celebrities whose accomplishments to be developed real skills and abilities for young people. When they appear on magazines reality program, they always feel confident because they are self -made celebrities .As celebrities, it is inevitable to avoid scandals. In my opinion, they know how to fix any problem with the slightest of the ease. Not them have they exploited to get attention from audiences In conclusion, everything is ''easy come easy go". Only when one works so hard, does one get what one wants. I recommend all celebrity's fan to separate their good stuffs to study and bad stuffs to avoid

Mai, this essay would automatically fail in an actual test because it is very obvious that you did not understand the prompt instructions. In fact, for your opening statement, rather than presenting a paraphrased version of the prompt discussion, you presented a totally different discussion question. It is the question that you chose to present to the reader, in opposition to the actual prompt discussion, that you ended up discussing in your essay. The essay also has a problem with sentence structure as your punctuation marks as misplaced or missing in some instance. For example. a period should have been placed at the end of the last sentence in the opening statement. The lexical resource is also problematic because you are using terms that do not apply to the discussion. I think that is being caused by your lack of familiarity with the English language. Terms such as "trend to follow" should have been written as "tend to follow". This is the term that indicates the possibility that a person will imitate something he has seen or heard. Marihuana should have been "marijuana", and other problems, have created a lexical and grammatical nightmare in your essay. When added up, this essay will not possibly get a passing score. I hope that this is just your first practice essay. If you take note of the aforementioned observations, you should be able to show improvement in your next and succeeding essays. You can only get better from here.

**IELTS Task 1: Shares of expenditures for selected categories in 4 countries, 2009** ## four countries expenditures The bar chart gives information for 4 countries (United States, Canada, United Kingdom and Japan) regarding the shares of expenditures on five categories such as food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in 2009. It is noticeable that housing expenditure share was the highest cost of categories which United States spent the larger of housing than other countries, at 26%. UK, Japan, and Canada followed on 24%, 22% and 21%. Next, food and transportation categories were in most quite similar. Japan had 23% on food category and it was the biggest proportion than food expenditure rate in other countries between 14% and 20%. In other hand, Briton spend smaller cost of transportation sector than Canadian, American and Japanese, about one in ten. Standing in contrast, the percentage of health care and clothing was extremely lower than other categories, just around one in twenty. Briton spent approximately 1% on health care sector and it was the lowest proportion in data shown. * *Bar Chart*

Lisa, in order to create the possibility of gaining a higher score in this task, try to write at least 250 words. With that kind of word count, you will be able to show a proper depth of knowledge when it comes to task accuracy, lexical resource, as well as grammar accuracy and range. At the moment, this essay falls short in properly representing your skills in those 3 areas due to the brevity of your report. Your second paragraph could have been apportioned into 2, with each new paragraph given more development in terms of information presentation. Doing so would have also helped you to better display your English language skills. It is always best to meet the minimum word count required in any essay. That way you get proper consideration in terms of scoring. You don't need to say more than the bare minimum if you feel your skills are not adequate enough to garner a higher rating. Just aim for the minimum or a little higher than minimum score for your essay in this section of the test.

I am writing my first essay for a college program at Yale. I am a native German speaker, but I do go to an American high school. I'm in desperate need of some feedback on my essay. The prompt is: **Please describe the activity on your resume or activities list that you think has elicited the most personal growth and why? (200-word limit)** ## "drawing with lights" Photography is a method of recording an image on light sensitive objects or paper. The process corresponds to the Greek translation "drawing with lights." Most people will say that taking pictures, looking through a camera is the best part of photography, but I believe the best part is working in the dark room. Enlarging an image, manipulating them and watching it appear is amazing. The process of developing the film to enlarging it has taught me patience in all aspect of my life. In photography, I never truly know if the film was exposed correctly or if the enlarged image will look right, so I need to be patience until the very end. I also learned time management because the deadlines in my photography class are very strict and the process takes a few day. Therefore, I always need to plan out my week depending on what is due when, so nothing is late.

Nina, it would be best if you just mention that your hobby is photography but your personal growth comes from the film developing activity that goes with it. That way you center the essay on the actual growth activity as indicated in the prompt. The explanation that you provided can be developed further using the freed up word space so that the reviewer will get a real idea as to the personal growth that you experience while enjoying the activity of film development. Rather than discussing how you plan out your week depending the due date of a photo at school, present more information as to how time management is more crucial based upon the results that the photographer wants to achieve in his photo presentation. Try to develop the explanations more with regards to patience and time management. The other parts that you presented are not really that important nor revealing in relation to the required presentation.

**Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain main causes and effects of this problem suggest some possible solutions.** ## reasons and effects of obesity among humans These days fatness in early age is increasing and it become culmination causes all over the world.It is felt eating junk foods lack of exercise and limited movement are the base precursors of this problem Firstly, eating fast foods and limited movement are the two most catalyst of obesity For example, the majority of children are consuming junk foods such as hamburgers hotdogs which contains unhealthy ingredients. As result,it will be hard to digest and stomach suffer from it In addition children much less active then they used to be.To be more precise in the past children played variety games which burned a significant amount of energy. However,today most of children spend their time indoors sitting computers and playing video games.They don not have opportunity to utilize the calories which they are taking As consequence it leading to obesity. Also they do not do any kind of sports which can help them to be fit and healthy. The major effects of this are negative.As evidence approximately 10000 of children get this disease from early age. Moreover, fatness can lead to a high risk of health disease such as diabetes heart attack as well as cancer. To tackle with this issue parents and government should take responsibility to reduce this problem. In other words parents must control what they are eat and give them healthy nutrition foods.Besides, government should limit junk food advertising which hopefully lead to decline obesity illness. Following this look at the cause and effects of childhood obesity. It is felt government and parents must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem for deteriorating further.

Suxrob, I can't even begin to think about which problem to present first with regards to your essay. It is simply too riddled with errors from the prompt paraphrasing, word use, punctuation problems...This essay would not get a passing grade in an actual setting. In fact, the work that you did was is so bad, I dare not score you on any aspect for fear of affecting your mindset. Review your essay, the first problem that will pop into your sight will be the lack of punctuation marks in a majority of your sentences. There are definitely missing periods and commas which could have helped to arrange the thought process being presented. Next, always use the correct keywords from the prompt when you develop your work. Therefore, it is wrong to say fatness because being fat is different from being obese. The correct term to use in this essay is "obese", not "fat". There is no clear progression in your presented thought process, the sentence lack coherence in most paragraphs, which had a direct effect on the cohesiveness of your work. Overall, this essay is sloppy, does not show a clear understanding of the prompt, and fails to show a proper English thought process. You have to be more careful when you develop your sentences and at least aim to get a good grammar range and accuracy score. Make sure that you understand the prompt when you try to paraphrase it in the opening statement. Most importantly, develop a logical discussion of your essay target points whenever possible. Right now, this essay is not going to work to your benefit even as a practice test.

**Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to a university but who cannot afford the tuition. Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.** ## Universities for free? Only basic education. Education is a very important parameter for the development of a country. A government has the responsibility towards the society to make education accessible to its citizens. Basic education should be freely available to the people to have a literate society. However, education cannot be imparted free of cost for all the university courses. The following reasons will provide further support to validate this argument. First of all any specialized course require sufficient resources. These resources could be qualified academicians or equipments such as a well-set laboratory. Any university acquires these resources after paying a huge cost. If education is for free for all the students, resources might not be sufficient enough. For example, computers are required for understanding a particular subject such as information sciences. With free education available to all, a university might not have enough computers for everyone. It will put pressure on the facility or department and the learning experience will not be fulfilling for everyone. Second, there will be a large number of dropouts, as the education system will be taken for granted. There will be less competitive environment and students will not be motivated to perform better. Performance can only be improved if a student is working on to earn returns for the investment made. This investment could be the tuition fee for which a loan has been taken. To repay it back a student will work harder and will be motivated enough. Finally, some universities are considered better when it comes to the quality of education they provide. Most of the students would like to be a part of those universities if free education is provided. This will definitely compromise the quality of teaching, as large groups will be present for each class. Nonetheless, some basic education has to be imparted for free to students who cannot afford it. There should be scholarships and fee waiver for students who do exceptionally well in high school. Such incentives will help push students to pursue advanced studies. Secondly, free education to the minorities such as disabled and women can help in the holistic development of a nation. Most of the universities have a quota for minorities. The reason for such is to promote such sections of society. Free education will definitely provide skilled people for all the industries. It will eventually result in growth of people both financially and in terms of talent. Good students will get better opportunities and will not be marginalized owing to the fact that they cannot afford high tuition fees. In conclusion, education is of utmost importance and it is one of the factors, which makes a nation developed. Basic education has to be imparted for free. Providing scholarships and fee waiver will help in enrolment of students from marginalized sections. However providing education for free may not be feasible as the resources come at a cost and will not be sufficient for a large number of students. Along with it the quality of teaching will be compromised and dropouts may be high, as education system will be taken for granted

Payal, the strongest opposing argument that most parents have in support of free university education has not been addressed in your essay. I am thinking that you either forgot that argument or you are not familiar with it. I speak of the argument that indicates "I pay taxes to the government for privileges that include the free education of my child. Therefore, my child should attend a university for free. I have already paid for the privilege". How would you defend your stance in opposition that the aforementioned argument? Keep in mind that tax money goes to the free education in government owned secondary and tertiary educational institutions. Therefore, there is a logic to the argument that the parents pre-paid for the privilege of free education. Consider the background of government budgeting and the role that it plays in the free education debate. Keep in mind that parents would prefer that the college education of their children come from their tax money. That is why most of the college students from families that cannot afford to pay for college often seek admission to government schools instead.

Question : **Some people think the air travel should be restricted because it causes environment pollution. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and relevant example.** ## Air travel pros and cons Air travel; although a dream travel for many people, is prevalent world wide now a days. It has a great contribution towards globalization and has made possible for people to travel to any destination but, at the same time comes with negative repercussions like global warming and extensive usage of non - renewable resources. If we discuss restriction of air travel, I totally disagree with this idea and would share my opinions in the following passages. Collaboration among countries for development and business exchange has gone to such a high level and this has become possible only after advent of extensive air travel options. for instance, USA being the center of all operations and people from rest of world keep travelling. Considering the distances between USA and India, it is impossible to travel by bus or ship. Shipping of products is also being done via air mode which saves lot of time and money. I would consider another example of exporting Alphonso mangoes to various part of world; major percentage would be rotten if shipped by water transport and many countries would not even order. Change is permanent; we cannot survive with older ways if keep aspirations to become advance and grow. In another important circumstances air travel is savior and that is air ambulance. In recent past, a news hit the newspaper that a human lever was transported quickly to another city and saved a life which would not been possible by road travel Definitely, it is impossible to invent something with any negative impact and so is travel by air. Global warming and fer of exhaustion of expensive resources are obvious examples. Restricting air travel completely can never be an option but governments from different countries come up together can keep a check on over use of this. For instance, every individual especially in a developing country has this listed in her bucket list to travel in a plane however, opulent business executives travel by air even for short distances. This has become status symbol for many. How can this be reduced is altogether a different topic and certainly not easy. In nut shell, in my opinion, governments should take some actions to reduce the environmental issues and individuals should do a bit from their side too. Air travel is an important part of our lives to survive in modern era and cannot be restricted in most of the cases.

Suman, the prompt specifically asks you to discuss environmental pollution as one of the reasons as to why air travel should be restricted. It is important that the major facts that you present in your paraphrased statement use keywords from the original prompt in order to prove that you understand the question and that you will be discussing it along the lines dictated by the prompt. Therefore, when you presented the discussion of global warming and non-renewable resources instead of environmental pollution, you immediately changed the topic discussion for the prompt, which indicates that you did not understand the prompt requirements. This in turn, will result in a low to failing score in the task accuracy portion of the band score since you displayed reasons for the examiner to believe that you did not understand the prompt. Your essay will not score well in the overall scoring because the words that you use tend to be confusing which in turn confuses the reader regarding the discussion that you are presenting and the opinions that you have. It causes stress which will also result in an overall low score in terms of the remaining band criteria. I don't think that you can get a score higher than 3 or 4 in the overall scoring process for the aforementioned reasons.

**Question** *Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.* **Essay** ## Should schools advise students what curriculum they should choose? Education is the most important skill set that can be taught to a child. Education helps in perceiving the world from a different point of view, and it gives the person a basic framework on which other skills can be built/build. Unfortunately, a large part of the world population is still illiterate and educational institutions play a major role in imparting education. An educational institution has all the right tools such as books, teachers and student bodies which play a key role in helping people succeed in their chosen fields of study. They provide students guidance and help them to tread the paths they have picked. But an educational institution should never tell students that they will not succeed in some particular field. In my opinion, an institution cannot decide the fields in which students are unlikely to succeed. The question arises that who will judge the likelihood of students becoming successful in a particular field? Who will give authority to decide the future of a student to another human being? Are the teachers educated enough to take such decisions, and even if they are educated what do they know about the future? Can we rely on the judgment of a human being to decide the path a student should take? This is an illogical, an irrational and a morally corrupt idea. Influencing the dreams and shaping the future of a person is essential, but they should not be overwritten. Young minds are full of dreams, and passions and telling them that they cannot pursue their dreams because they are not capable enough is equivalent to robbing them of their dreams. There is no particular age for a person to choose or change his field of study. Many people have successfully changed the course of their lives and became very successful in a different field of study, and many made this switch at not so young age. These people are known in the world because of their career shifts, and luckily there was no one to tell them that they should not pursue their dreams. Colonel Sanders started KFC chicken at the age of 62, before that he was serving the country as a lawyer and a gas station operator. It can be a myth, but many believe that dreams and desires will become true if enough hard work, perseverance, and dedication exist. A lot of people succeed after many failures, like them, a student can succeed in any field he wants to study. Thomas Edison invented the light bulb after many failures and experiments. Robert Goddard was the inventor of liquid propellant rockets, and he also failed many times in his attempt to create a successful rocket. He once mentioned that every vision is a joke until a common man accomplishes it, and then it becomes commonplace. Thus all great leaders, inventors, writers, sportsman are born as a common human being, and it all starts with a dream. No one has the right to kill that dream or tell anyone that a dream cannot be realised. Thus, the educational institutions should never interfere with the subjects students pick; rather they should try their best in helping students to succeed in their chosen field of study.

Shivam, assuming that the student has the requisite grade to take the entrance exam for the field of study that he is interested in, he will end up being admitted to the university for that field of study. However, passing the entrance exam is not the most solid reference to analyze the potential of a student to succeed in the field of study. Remember, one can pass the entrance exam but fail to pass the requisite classes for his course of study. Therefore, he will not be considered as a student who can potentially succeed in his line of interest. The entrance exam could be passed by a student since that is normally just an IQ test. It is when the student is already enrolled in his major that the proper analysis for his potential to succeed can be made. With reference to your Grammar and Usage, I don't think you have too much to worry about. I would score you anywhere between a 4 and 5 in that section specifically since there are still a number of problems with your thought development and presentation. However, those flaws are not enough to reduce the impact or comprehension of your discussion. You should improve in those sections over time.

***People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.*** ## the environment around largely determines our behaviour There is a famous saying that our personality is the average of the five people with whom we spend most of our time. Forces and external influence have a very powerful impact which in turn shape a person's behaviour. Though people think that their ideas and actions are the results of their will, mostly they are a product of powers that are not of their making. I completely agree with this statement because of the reasons that will follow this passage. Some of our conscious actions and thoughts are a product of our subconscious mind which represents a fundamental idea behind psychoanalysis and Sigmund Freud's work. In Psychoanalysis, patients try to make their subconscious thoughts conscious. A lot of experiences of our childhood, on which we have no control, shape our nature and behaviour. The behaviour of many people, who had suffered trauma during their childhood, are influenced by these traumatic events. The idea is not just related to trauma, but our upbringing also creates us in a way that is different than everyone else. There is a whole range of study in psychoanalysis and psychology that shows that how our behaviour is influenced by external factors over which we have no control. In the famous psychological experiment 'The Stanford Prison Experiment', prisoners and guards became so absorbed in their roles that they forgot their original identities. In just under 2 weeks, prisoners started to doubt their own existence; they forgot their names and started considering themselves as mere numbers provided by the guards. Guards, who had a lot of power over prisoners, completely altered their personalities and started to enjoy the power of the prisoners. After the experiment was over, both guards and prisoners could not realise what had happened to them. This experiment bolsters the claim presented in the statement, as only within two weeks the behaviour of the participants changed completely. This experiment shows that we have very little control over our behaviour, and external forces can completely alter it. There have been many claims of free-will and that one can shape her behaviour. It is possible to some extent to study patterns in our behaviour and after the diligent and arduous effort, we can change the way we behave. But this will require indomitable will power, years of effort both physical and mental. Many leaders in the history had controlled their behaviour; people like Buddha, Gandhi had a lot of control on their actions and thoughts. But to become one of them is easier said than done. In the end, it seems most important for the people to understand that the environment around them largely determines their behaviour.

Shivam, you could probably score a 5 using this written work in the GRE. You show a clear understanding of the discussion offered and managed to create a clear explanation using proper examples to help support your position. The Stanford Experiment reference is a very good one to use in this essay at it strongly represents an actual application of your position. However, for the sake of the readers who may not be familiar with the experiment, a quick summary of the study should have been provided in order to better illustrate your point. The weakest point of your essay, from my point of view, relates to your use of Buddha and Gandhi as further supporting examples for your claims. In order to determine that these two actually had full control over their behavior, you should have cited instances that could have presented that claim as a fact. Remember, one is a God and the other is a hero. Both were influenced by their surroundings just the same. As such, they were both influenced by their surroundings and forces not of their making. Therefore, to say that they were in full control of their behavior may be an incorrect assumption.

**Instructions: Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be give access to theoretical knowledge for its own sake,regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.What, in your opinion,should be the main function of a university?** ## meaningful values of education in schools Many people have different views about the leading role of university education.Some regard academic knowledge as major function,while others think students should be trained to be useful workforce in the society.It seems to me that the both points are of great significance. Research in a wide range of subjects,such as science and arts ,contributes remarkably to the development of many aspects of human growth.For instance,hand-on experiments lead to plenty of discoveries of chemicals,which may be suitable to be used as a part of new drugs.From an individual perspective,students gain access to explore their potentials and interests,so it is more possible for them to figure out their promising career paths.As mentioned,theoretical knowledge is not incompatible with fostering powerful workforce in labor markets,instead,it's helpful and indispensable. On the other hand,skills needed in the workplace could be acquired and improved along with academic education.For example,listening carefully to teachers during lectures help students gain the ability to concentrate and grasp points promptly.What's more,respect for others and communication skills are all necessary either in conducting experiments in lab or in discussion groups.No matter in doing manual jobs or office ones,the abilities of dealing with co-workers are must-have,especially for the tolerance of differences.Finally,the skill of time-management and multitasking ability are as important in higher education as in the workplace. Both professional research and improvement of labor force productivity are of meaningful value in university education.Personally,I am convinced that to pave for getting ideal occupations is the dominating function of a university.

Jessica, I wonder if you know that your essay is 5 words short of the 250 word minimum requirement for this test. Your inability to meet the minimum word count will definitely have an effect on your overall score. Imagine, a mere 5 words could have spelled the difference between getting a passing grade or a failing grade in this test. Those 5 words signify a tremendous score percentage in terms of task accuracy, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. Don't neglect to keep track of your word count during your practice tests until hitting 250 or more becomes second nature to you. That should be something that you can eventually tell by simply glancing at the length of your paper. Personally, I believe that you could have used 5 more words to further strengthen your introductory statement and personal opinion presentation. These could have been added to the first paragraph where it could have made the greatest impact or served the biggest purpose in terms of increasing your score percentage. That said, your overall essay lays out well thought out and developed arguments. However, I feel that the presentation of the scientific aspects of the discussion removed some focus from the general strength of your statement, which did not have a particular topic in focus at first. By focusing the topic, you created a discussion specific paragraph that reduced the effectiveness of your generalized statements in the previous and succeeding paragraphs. Your concluding statement is also too short. Remember, you need to present at least 3 sentences in order to create an acceptable paragraph. It could have been improved by a proper summation that indicated a more accurate prompt restatement, highlights of the points for discussion, and then the repetition of your personal statement. Overall, your essay has some minimal problems that can easily be solved by being cognizant of your current shortcomings. I know that I can look forward to further improvement in your work over time. Just make sure to not repeat the same mistakes.

**Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** ## stopping climate change Nowadays, climate change is a well-known issue and almost everyone is aware of it. Some people are finding ways to avoid the said issue whereas others think that figure out how to survive in such situation is much worth to consider. In my opinion, I think both arguments are equal important. It can be observed easily that the weather change has become severely than ever. From the icebergs melt in Arctic to the heavy rain in desert, the climate change has affected the worldwide environment. In order to prevent the rising of temperature, people are looking for several methods: the government sign the agreement to decrease the CO2, the school educate the importance of environmental protection and the individual does the recycling. On the other hand, another side argue that since the climate change is an inevitable result, it is better for human adapt it as soon as possible. This kind of thinking is quite realistic but seems to be an alternative way. For the purpose of it, the astronauts explore the possibility of moving to Mars and the scientist research the condition of living underground. In conclusion, I think although stopping climate change is the first priority to do, to find the others ways in the same time is also meaningful.

Arlen, the discussion of colonizing Mars does not fall under the topic of living with climate change or dealing with climate change. Moving humans to Mars will be the final step in abandoning the Earth after climate change has totally destroyed the planet. Therefore, the idea of discussing that in this essay is inappropriate. Instead, you should have built up the discussion of scientists considering moving underground. That is a proper way of discussing how to live with climate change. Your conclusion needs more work. You have to properly develop the conclusion to restate the prompt, both sides of the argument, and then repeat your opinion on the matter in order to to allow for a completely developed end to your essay.

## Is fashion harmful to society? Nowadays,this is controversial issue.I think that fashion is harmful to society.I am going to enumerate reason of my choice. To begin with,fashion makes children worry about their size.Because of fashion,children lose self-esteem and they emulate model.They try to become size zero.It bring about blumia. Secondly,fashion causes to much waste of time and money.People spend money on thing which is pointless unceasingly for the sake of fashion.It makes people look silly.Another point is that waste of time.People focus on just fashion instead of education and work. Last but not least,fashion leads to discrimination.People bias each other as to what they wear.It causes to seperate their social group.Besides people look exterior beauty regardless of inner beauty. To sum up,race of fashion never end.People continue to pursue fashion.They never satisfied.

Maritsa, I strongly suggest that you post the original prompt discussion that you are responding to along with your essay. Even without reading it, I can tell you that your opening statement is weak and ill effective. It does not fully represent the prompt requirements due to its short presentation. In fact, the shortness of the paragraphs clearly represent the biggest weakness of your writing style. It is important that you learn to fully develop your thought presentations or justifications through your paragraphs. By doing so, you will be able to gain a better score as you are able to express yourself in a more complete manner representative of the prompt requirements. Unfortunately, I am unable to give you advice as to how you can better develop this essay discussion due to the lack of the original prompt. That said, I will still be able to assist you with that if you provide the prompt below. There is room for improvement in your work, you just need to be instructed as to how you can do that.

## more concentration to the health care in Taiwan Becoming aware of the importance of their health , people in Taiwan are now paying more attention to the medical care, which is now provided mainly by our national health of insurance. Our government is financially stable, so it should provide sufficient support to people through medical care. 
All people are created equal. Nonetheless, different people have different requirements, and thus an appropriate medical care should be arranged to meet the need of various groups of people. First and foremost, the government should provide each person basic medical care, such as giving people inexpensive accesses to medication. Besides, paying for emergency services should be also included. Last but not least, a government which deserves respect would never neglect the welfare of the poor and disabled by offering them both long term care medical care and personal medical treatment.
 Despite the providing of partial medical care from our country, most people who are able to work also have the responsibility for paying for treatments which they need helping the poor to reduce their medical burdens.
 To conclude, it doesn't matter if people are rich or poor, the color of their skin, whether they are male or female, their sexual orientation, who they vote for, whether they were educated, if they have a faith or no faith at all. Nothing matters other than a patient is a precious human life. Thus, all citizens have the right to enjoy a good quality of health care provided by the government and every competent people.

Kalmia kindly provide us with the complete IELTS prompt that you are required to respond to. I would like to assess your essay for compliance with the other prompt requirements. At the moment, I cannot properly review your essay because I do not know the kind of response that you are expected to provide. What I can review for you at the moment is the presentation of the essay. I am very sad to say that the essay is confusing to read, lacks cohesiveness, does not have a coherent presentation, and seems to go around in circles discussing the same thing over and over again in the same paragraph. I am referring to the second paragraph where you cannot seem to get out of the explanation that the government should provide quality healthcare for all the citizens of your country. I believe that the problem stems from a lack of understanding of the prompt requirements. That is something that I can confirm once I have a copy of the actual prompt already. The third paragraph does not have enough discussion development to properly present your argument in the paragraph. It should build upon the reasons why those who work should help to pay for the healthcare of those in need. In reference to that, it contradicts your first statement that the government should give quality healthcare to everyone regardless of status in life or other considerations. Your essay actually deviates from the prompt because you first discuss the quality of healthcare the government should provide and then the next half of the essay discusses free healthcare. Which one is the real topic of the prompt? I am really confused by the essay response that you have provided. I will not score this as an essay that could pass in an actual exam setting.

**Some people believe that there should be the death penalty for extremely serious crimes. Others believe that it is not morally correct to kill criminals Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.** Death Penalty problem One of the highly controversial issues today relates to whether to use capital punishment or not.In this this essay I am going to examine this question from both points of view and then give my outlook on this matter. One side of the argument, there are people who argue that the benefits of death penalty considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that, in future criminals will be aware about the punishment before committing any offence. It is also possible to say that due to this kind of penalty there will be reduction of unlawful act along with the number of criminals. One good illustration of this is Osama bin Laden who had attacked twin towers of US for which he was executed in his own home town. Therefore this has given justice for the citizen of US. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact punishing the wrongdoer is like we committing another offence. People often have this opinion because, the person found guilty was forced to commit the crime due to the circumstances such as, self-defence. A second point is that, the facts relating to crime should be considered before the penalty . A particular good example here is due to dowry if the bride is been tortured till the death but, if she fights back for herself she should not be sentenced. In conclusion, I believe that both the arguments have their merits. On balance I tend to believe that capital punishment should be practised only in the cases of serious unlawful act.

Janaki, when the topic asks you to discuss both views and then give your own opinion, you should strive to present a 5 paragraph essay that accurately delivers on all required points of the prompt. The best way to present this essay will be as follows: 1st paragraph - Introduction - prompt summary, presentation of each opinion in summary form, a quick reference to your opinion with the assurance that all points will be fully discussed in the succeeding paragraphs. 2nd paragraph - first point of view, usually the point of view that you do not support. Discuss it thoroughly based upon your understanding. Oppose it using examples or information that you can present from a 2nd or 3rd person point of view. 3rd paragraph - second point of view, normally the point of view that you support. Strengthen this discussion through presentation of commonly known facts or experience. Second or third person point of view again. 4th paragraph - your opinion, first person point of view. The objective is to present supporting arguments based on personal opinion or experience that will strengthen the claims made in the 3rd paragraph. 5th paragraph - conclusion. Summarize the content of the essay from the prompt to the points of discussion presented. Then close the essay with a repetition of your point of view in support of what you believe to be the more popular opinion of the prompt provided.

## **remission of a tuition** A tuition's remission should become the policy in Vietnam's university curriculum has attracted many people's concern. In my point of view, I completely disagree with this opinion. University's program about creating a free education for the whole students could bring it numerous disadvantages. Against developed countries, the strategy's approval seems unaffordable to Vietnam. Therefore, it might cause pressure on the National budget that takes away investments in significant fields such as economics, health, and agriculture. Besides, the rule should be applied in specific circumstances instead of the whole. For example, the government supports students who less fortune, disabilities by providing them a free education. Thus, it guarantees they are affordable to study in university and indicates traditional moralities of Vietnamese. On the other hand, study costs could motivate students in an effective way. Firstly, they might be aware their responsibility to deserve their time by having a serious attitude in learning. Furthermore, they could also reduce their study fee through earning scholarships, which resulted in a hard working. Secondly, by paying study fee, students contribute not only improvements of the university but also their study process. For example, authorities might use the tuition as a fund to advance the study progress, such as enhance the education's quality, upgrade infrastructures and provide scholarships that promote students' energy and so on. In conclusion, the government should balance between the tuition of university education and the economic situation of the country, besides; they pursue their goal that ensures their citizens with equal right in university learning.

Thanh, I do not believe that you can score higher than a 5 in the overall score for this essay for a number of reasons. The main reason that I have for giving you this score is because of the difficulty in understanding your essay concept. The cohesiveness and coherence of your presentation is not as smooth as it can be and creates a difficulty for the reader. Another point I would like to make is that your lexical resource can be somewhat faulty in the essay. Take for example, the opening statement where you used the term "remission" to indicate the plan to create full government subsidy for university education. Remission means "the cancellation of a debt, charge, or penalty; a diminution of the seriousness or intensity of disease or pain; a temporary recovery ; forgiveness of sins". None of these meanings apply to the thought that you were trying to present. You could have instead said "Full tuition subsidy..." to make a more lexical appropriate point in your sentence. The essay has a number of problem points that prevented it from getting a higher score. I hope that you will take note of the problems that this essay had in order to make adjustments and / or improvements to your next writing test.

**The diagrams elow show the life cycle of silworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevants.** ## the diagram of silkworm Given are the diagrams explaining several changes of silkworm in its life cycle and how to produce silk cloth. Generally, there are four main stages of silkworm life cycle and five steps to create cloth made from silk. In the term of silkworm life cycle, firstly, egg is hatched by moth. After 10 days, it develops to be larva form, consuming mulberry leaf as its daily food. Having silk thread, larva requires 4-6 weeks to approach this stage. In the last step, at 3-6 days later, larva transform to be cocoon then 16 days later it grows as a moth. On the other hand, the initial step to produce silk cloth is by selecting and sorting the best quality of cocoons. Next, to make cocoons softy, these is boiled in the pan full of water. Thirdly, these cocoons are unwinded to collect 300-900 m thread, twisting it later. Finally, that product weave in flat wood. However, dying process is required in either twisting or weaving, aims to make silk cloth more attractive. *

Hi Ayu, listen, I feel like this summary report is not one of your best work. There is a sense of uneasiness in your writing. Almost as if you do not clearly understand what the process diagram is explaining to the reader? Was that the case for you? The reason that I said this is because there are inconsistencies in the way that you wrote the essay. For example, what did you mean by "4-6 weeks to approach this stage" ? What stage is that? A more fluid method of writing the first development process would have been to simply use the day stage cycles in the presentation instead of breaking it down into steps. that would have created a more relaxed sense in your writing because that is how the cycle was originally presented. In the second stage, you should have chosen a consistent method by which you could have presented the information. If I were to have advised you about how to write this portion before you worked on it. I would have told you to use the "first, second, third, etc." process of depicting the steps. That would have created a more consistent presentation and also clearly depicted the importance of each step.

## US and British income proportion intended for the petrol spendings The graph presents information about comparisson of spending on petrol between people in the United States and United Kingdom which is based on income. It is noticeable that in United Kingdom, the number of income determine the proportion of petrol spending. Conversely, in United State, wealthier people append less budget on petrol than poorer people. Looking at the graph, the poorest people in United States spent more than 5 % of their budget for petrol which is twice than proportion of income than poorest people in UK spend on petrol. On the other hand, middle class in UK spend 3,5 % of their income on petrol which is 1 % lower than proportion of spending for petrol by middle class in United States. People with the highest income also follow similar pattern, while the rich people in UK spent 3,5 % of their expenditure, the wealthiest people in US only spent 2,5 % of their expenditure on petrol. It means that higher income in UK leads to higher spent on petrol. Meanwhile, higher income in United States leads to lower spent on petrol.

Grienda, for starters, always remember to include a copy of illustration that your report is based on when you post an essay for review. For an accurate review of your work, we need to be able to compare your information with the actual data sent to you. Otherwise, we have no ability to properly consider the information and presentation in your essay. I am not sure why you are using a comma instead of a period in presenting your percentage figures. Are you presenting these in the thousands of percent or something? See, this is why we need the illustration. Also, your presentation is too short. You must present 3 paragraphs for this sort of essay at a minimum. Always double check your information and the way that you form your sentences. Keep in mind that you are scored on grammar accuracy and lexical resource use. I believe that you would lose points in this essay for mistakes in those areas. I am unable to properly assess the possible scores you can receive in those areas because of the lack of complete information coming from you.

**The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billion minutes) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.** ## Phone calls time in minutes in UK Given is bar chart describing the proportion of 3 kind of telephone calls (in billions minutes) by british dwellers for 7 years. It is noticeable that while the local communication rates went down, a growth of call was witnessed by national and international and mobile communication. Having the biggest proportion of calls throughout periods, local calls stood at around 70 billion minutes in 1995, experiencing a slight increase for 5 years later. Uniquely, in 1999, british inhabitants spent 90 billion minutes for this call, reaching the peak among periods. However, this fell to near 70 billion minutes in the end of period. On the other hand, national and international and mobiles connection increased every year. They began at approximately 40 billion minutes and less than 5 billion minutes respectively. A steady growth is recorded by national and international calls, accounting around 60 billion minutes in 2002. Conversely, a similar trend is followed by mobile calls until 1999, then surprisingly, this rocketed at around 45 billion minutes, twice greater compared with the initial period, this category, however, remained as the lowest number of call among other categories. *

Ayu, there are instances when you should use a comma and when you should a period in your sentence development. To quote the formal academic ruling (as I do not wish to make a mistake in advising you) ; *Use a comma to separate independent clauses in a compound sentence when they are separated by a conjunction. The comma goes after the first clause and before the coordinating conjunction that separates the clauses.* However, if you are planning to join two or more ideas in a single sentence, it would be best for you use a semicolon instead. A period on the other hand, is used to convey a complete thought in a single sentence. Overall, I believe that you would score at a baseline of 5 for this essay. It is actually informative but lacks proper representation in the paragraphs. You have more of a formatting problem in this essay than anything else. Specially in your overview where incomplete information is provided regarding the important elements for discussion in the succeeding paragraphs.

Hi everybody, I am going to take the IELTS exam this summer. Please help me to review my essay and give me your opinions. Thank you so much. **Mobile telephones have brought many benefits but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. You should write at least 250 words.** ## Owning a mobile phone. What does that mean today? Nowadays, the development of mobile telephones gives people many advantages. However, there are a lot of disadvantages brought when people use mobile phones. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and then give my opinion on the matter. On the one hand, there are several positive effects on using mobile phones. Firstly, the cutting-edge technology like mobile phones can offer opportunities for people to be better educated. This is because that people are able to study online subjects on websites in their domestic or another country. Besides, documents can be found easily through the mobile phone connected the Internet. Secondly, some functions on mobile phones can assist people to relax. People can listen to music or watch videos whenever they desire. On the other hand, this idea has a few fundamental drawbacks. One problem is that the concentration can be decreased. For example, the person who is working or studying cannot focus on what he is doing if his phone bell ring many times. Another issue is that having mobile phones can make people lonelier. This is due to that most people contact with each other through their phone. Hence, the face-to-face communication is not usually used. In addition to this, many children and teenagers who are addicted game online stay at their home regularly instead of meeting or going out with their friends. In conclusion, having mobile phones does not only bring convenience but also negative influences. Overall, I believe that there is a balance in benefits and drawbacks when people use mobile phones. 263 words

Phuong, do you see the reason that you gave in the conclusion of your essay? You should not have wasted that statement by placing it there. It was very strong and impressive so it could have helped you increase your task accuracy score had you integrated that statement in your opening statement. In addition to that, the essay is asking you to consider mobile phone usage of people with regards to its positive and negative effects. However, you discussed the use of the mobile phone, not as a communication device, which is its primary use, but as a tablet or laptop computer. Which is more geared towards the social media setting. While mobile phones do help people use the internet, that is not the primary use of the phone. So your argument becomes clouded with doubt as it refers to social media usage instead of basic communication use. The next paragraph changed focus instead of continuing the discussion based on the previous examples given. So the essay loses focus and totally deviates from the prompt requirement. I doubt that you would score higher than a 3 in this instance.

*"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."* **Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.** My Answer: ## suggestions for the city of Grilldon The author predicts that Grilldon should be the site of Hobco hobby shop. To support this argument various reasons have been cited. However, these reasons are based on certain assumptions and thus do not provide any concrete evidence to support author's argument. First, a poll result is indicated according to which 88 percent of those who responded were in favor of hobby shop in Grilldon. There is no data regarding what was the sample size of poll. It is quite possible that the sample may not be representative for entire city of grilldon. Also, there is no mention about the profile of the residents. The results could have been biased if there are more number of people from a specific income group. Had there been any information regarding how the sample was collected, it could have justified the author's claim. Second, the author states that the Grilldon is in a region of the nation where the hobby business has increased during the past decade. This claim is not logical and conclusive as previously it was mentioned that there is no hobby shop in Grilldon as of now. If the region is growing in hobby business since last 10 years, why there is not a single hobby shop still in Grilldon. How can one presume that other regions are same as Grilldon?. Every region in a nation has different customer profile and varied interests. Assuming Grilldon to grow at the same rate as other regions is not valid and weakens the argument. If the author had mentioned a comparative study of different regions citing similarities with Grilldon, it would have strengthened the above argument. Third, the author assumes that Grilldon has a very large population of retirees and people will have ample time for hobbies. It is not necessary if someone has time he or she will spend it on hobbies. Some people would like to travel or spend time with their families. There might be some who would spend their time relaxing. The author's assumption without any other relevant information does not provide any evidence to support it. In conclusion, the above assumptions do not provide enough information to validate the claim that Grilldon should be the site of Hobco Hobby shop.

Payal, another part of the report that was not indicated in the sampling is the type of hobby shop that was used for the profiling of the residents. If 88 percent of the population would support the entrance of a hobby shop, then the people must have a specific hobby in mind that they would enjoy supporting. Therefore, the overall sampling system for the survey was flawed. Since there is no hobby shop currently in existence in Grilldon, it stands to reason that the residents may not even be familiar with the services offered and functions of a hobby shop. Therefore, the report is inaccurate and based on questionable poll information. That said, your current essay is also good in the sense that you ask the proper questions and you also defend your stance in a strong manner. This shows a clear understanding of the report and you use relevant reasons in your writing. It is my belief that based upon the given criteria for scoring a GRE argument task, this essay can score between a 4 and 5. I am not scoring the increments because I am not familiar with the minute considerations that the actual examiner will use in scoring your essay. I think you did a pretty good job here.

## counting junk foods being eaten The given line chart compares the number of times that youngster ate 3 kinds of junk food namely pizza, hamburgers, fish and chips in Australia during the period of 1975 and 2000. Overall, there was an upward trend in pizzas and burgers, while chips and fish had a downward tendency. It is clear from the graph that with the highest point of the total became the lowest point at the end of the period. In 1975, pizzas and burgers were the lowest consumption, at just over 5 times eaten per year and around 10 times, respectively. Meanwhile, fish and chips are the most popular fast food, which were exactly 100 times consumed by Australian teenagers per year, followed by a small degree of fluctuation up to the year of 1985. The pizzas' intake climbed modestly to about 40 times in 1985. In the meantime, the burgers' eating experienced the same upward trend as pizzas' but rose significantly to nearly 90 times. From 1985 to 1995, fish and chips saw a sharp decline and hit its bottom at approximately 40 times. At the same time, there were a steady increase in pizzas' and burgers' consumption and remained quite stable until 2000.

Tran, the summary report that you made is good, but it can be better. For starters, the overview statement is too short. It doesn't fall within the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences. In my opinion, you could have combined the first and second paragraphs in order to create the proper information necessary in a summary overview. Since you have a minimum paragraph requirement of at least 3 paragraphs, I suggest that you create 2 different paragraphs to meet the requirement. In the second paragraph, you could have discussed only the fluctuations that were created for each of the food type. Then in the third, you could have discussed the number of times the food was eaten per year. That way, the discussion becomes specific per paragraph and better illustrates the information provided. That said, you did not do a bad job in this essay. It showed a clear understanding of the chart and you were able to present the information to the reader a clear enough manner. Congratulations on doing that. You have the potential to get better in writing this sort of essay. Just keep practicing. We will be here to help you out with advice whenever you need it. Just ask.

## balance between practical features and artistic visuals Many people have valued the role of a structure's function over that of aesthetic. In my opinion, I disagree with those people as both of them are should be integrated equally in modern society. First off, it is noteworthy that working in a well-decorated space is able to cultivate the creativity and problem solving skills of employees. The eye-catching visual shows an effect on both logical and emotional cortexes of brain and boosts its efficiency. This is evidenced by commercial advertisements, which requires the large amount of ideas every minute and that leads to a huge pressure on staffs. According to the survey carried out by Columbia University in 201, seventy percents of teams working in artistic building get along better with collaborators compare to others working in boring one. Therefore, these people absolutely gain more achievements in their businesses and lives. On second thoughts, it is compulsory for a useful building to supply the ordinary functions as space, safety, durability, access to facilities and economy. It can easily attained by considering a well-known structure symbolized for a city or an apartment which is associated to our daily lives. To illustrate, Hyatt walkway with unsustainable design collapsed onto the coffee store directly below and caused the deadliest structural diaster in USA history. Furthermore, overpopulation continues to be a serious problem in cities, there are not enough houses for everyone. In this situation, a building to accommodate as many people as possible is much more important than simply please the eye. In conclusion, I strongly suppose that the architects should balance between practical features and artistic visual in a modern structure.

Thanks for the prompt Nguyen. I think that your essay would get a band score somewhere between a 5 and a 6 in this case. As a fluid discussion, the essay portrays a train of thought that has logic and sense. The only problem is that you are not yet capable of properly developing your paragraphs with more complex and better developed discussions through the use of more complex words and vocabulary. While I did understand what you have to say, your presentation can get a little confusing at times. In the second paragraph, you present an example of one of the worst structural disasters in American history. You should have included information about what make the structure weak. Was it because art was prioritized over safety and function in the design of the building? When you offer evidence in an essay, make sure that you have data to support your claim. Otherwise, the data you present does not deliver the proper relationship with the essay in terms of content and discussion. For the conclusion, the correct term to use is "I strongly support" and not "I strongly suppose". To suppose is to be uncertain. It does not make sense for you to be strongly uncertain about something in your closing statement so I am sure that you just used the wrong term in the essay. Which would have cost you points lost in an actual test under the Lexical Resource criteria.

## those were great moments... I take a glance around, but don't see my mum's car yet, so I set my luggage on to the floor. I don't bother taking a few steps away from the train tracks, but just stand there and look at the train slowly crawl away. With the increasing speed, a force, at least we learned this at school, pulls the air with it, which makes my hair fly all around. I take a deep breath and close my eyes to the sounds of all the noise around me. I haven't been here for what feels like forever, though I've only spent a couple of days at my father's. As I open my eyes the train has already gone out of sight. That's when my mum parks her car in the parking right next to me. She gets out of her car half waving with both arms, as if I hadn't seen her. I smile and wave back, while dragging my luggage behind me in her direction. "How are you So? Tell me all about it!", she says as I put my stuff in the backseats. "Ehm, I guess I'm fine? I'm just fed up about this situation. I mean I've got better things to do than travel every second weekend around the country.", I grumble. "Yeah I know my darling, I'm sorry, but you know there are some things in the world you can't change, and that for example is one of those unchangeable things. Then she gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead and enters the car. So do I without losing another word about my dad. Instead we put on some music and talk about what plans we want to make for the following days to come, since I've still got holidays for two more weeks. "How about a movie night tonight?", my mum suggests, by which I totally agree and turn the music louder, until we can't even hear ourselves sing anymore. Those moments, I guess, I'll miss the most one day, when I'm separated from her, because someone has left the other, be it on purpose or not. At exactly those moments the time almost stands still and I feel everything up to my bones, every feeling swinging and swirling inside my body. And there are many of those moments. Like for instance one happy memory I have with my mum, is the day she taught me how to ice skate. Herself she couldn't really ice skate, but she did her best to make it the best day of my life. Or all those bed time stories she told me as I was a kid. Everything she put aside to give me the life I now have. A tear rolls down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away before my mum notices anything. ...

Dvergence, you have to give me something to work with here. Did you write this for creative writing class? I have to tell you that as an narrative based on your personal experience, I believe that you did a good job for most of the essay. It was engaging, imaginative, and took the reader on the ride with your mom and you in that car. Everything was going great until the last paragraph when you suddenly bring in the story about going ice skating with your mom. It came for out of the blue and did not really have a chance to develop in relation to the previous story because you suddenly cut it short. Why was that? Are you planning on developing that story further? I think the story doesn't really have a proper ending at the moment so you should work on creating a memorable conclusion to it.

**Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible** ## any benefits to a society from corporations? Money is the primary goal of a corporation. Corporations contribute to society economically. However, in the changing times corporation has a responsibility towards society and environment apart from maximizing profits. Activities of a corporation have a direct impact on its stakeholders. Stakeholders include investors, employees, partners, government, community and environment. A corporation has a dual responsibility, to make profits and contribute to the development of society as a whole. Many corporations and manufacturing plants use hazardous chemicals for their processes. These toxic chemicals if not disposed properly contaminate both air and water. Water in streams gets contaminated due to run off. Polluted water can affect the local flora and fauna in addition to the dangers posed to the aquatic species. The chemicals like lithium and sulfur are known to inhibit the reproduction in some species thus making them endangered. The harmful gases which are generally the by -product of several chemical processes pollute the air. Use of Chlorofluorocarbons by corporations has lead to ozone hole and global warming. It has increased the risk of skin cancer and other respiratory diseases. Corporations have a responsibility towards the society and environment. The regulation and safety procedures have to be followed rigorously by them to reduce the harmful effects. This can be reiterated by examples such as gas spill in gulf by BP. It not only added costs to the corporation to cleanse and pay in fines but also affected the market shares. Similarly, plastics are often used for packaging by corporations are non-biodegradable and can be a threat to the environment. Minimizing the usage of such materials and promoting eco friendly materials will help a corporation in the long run. Compliance with the laws will provide an opportunity for the corporation in the long term by providing them tax breaks. Another reason corporations can be beneficial to the society is by creating better working conditions for the employees and support for a cause. By this means, the corporation can earn a good reputation, thus increasing the educated workforce and consumer base. Better health plans and policies will help build a motivated work force, which will increase the profits. Being a proponent for a cause or charity will help increase the customer base and loyalty of customers towards a corporation.

Payal, is this essay meant for a research paper or an IELTS Task 2 test? Somehow, the prompt you partially provided tells me this is for IELTS. If so, kindly provide the complete prompt requirement so that I will know what kind of discussion you are being asked to present. I need to know if this a personal opinion paper or a comparison paper with a personal opinion, or what. Overall, you present a solid discussion of the issue presented in as much as I can analyze your work. The presentation of the reason is correct and contains a progression in the discussion. I am not so worried about the way that you argued the prompt in as much as I am worried about whether the later prompt requirements were satisfied in the discussion. That is why I am asking for a copy of the prompt (if this is for IELTS). A more relevant analysis of your work can be done based upon the full prompt requirements. If this is based upon a research paper, I need your complete thesis statement instead so that I can point out the areas for improvement in your discussion.

## Why are some majors more valued over others? Different people pick different majors for different reasons, but within all those majors there hides a rarely spoken of hierarchy of acceptability. As someone who is currently majoring in mechanical engineering, I am near the top of this pyramid-shaped hierarchy, but for most of my life I dreamed of being a music educator, a profession which stands very much near the bottom of the pyramid. The liberal and performing arts teach lessons that cannot be learned in any way other than getting a liberal and performing arts education. Any form of art will teach lessons that one never thought needed to be learned. To recognize the beauty in life and in death, to find happiness in desperation and resentment, to plant bravery out of the fear in all of us, that is what art forces someone to learn. Why not place more value in developing and growing as people amongst people as opposed to festering a 'me against the world' complex? Why not place importance in flowing creativity? Why not compliment deep thought instead of monetary gain? Reading this article is not my first exposure to questioning why my mathematical side is more valued in society than my philosophical side, but it is my first time writing down my scattered thoughts on it. Already my own emotions are becoming clearer and I can say I understand myself better. The self-care intertwined with understanding the world better is deeply and unfortunately underestimated. There is a dire need for politicians who better understand the science of climate change and the long history of the Middle East, we need more policemen that can communicate sensitively when needed, more people that can understand ethical differences. In my opinion, those examples and more could all be realities achieved through more exposure to the liberal arts.

Daniela, I wish you had provided us with a link to the actual article that you read for the development of this response essay. It would have greatly aided in the review of your paper which, although not bad, isn't really as good in presentation as it could have been. Since this is a response to an article, there are some specific sets of information that should have been presented in your essay. First, the essay should have presented the name of the author, the title of the article, its publication date, and the publication itself. from there, a summary of the content of the article should have been mentioned in an effort to inform the reader about what the article discussion is about. Had you indicated the summary of the article in your first paragraph, I would not have found myself requesting for a link to the original article. I would already have known what the article is about. Second, you should have indicated some discussion points in your essay as based upon actual quotes from the original. Your response should be in relation to something that you either agree or disagree with in the work of the author. That way, your responses have a general purpose and direction as opposed to the current open writing version that is neither here nor there in discussion focus. Finally, your personal opinion to the overall article should have made the closing remarks more indicative of your overall response to the essay. Right now, the reader is not clear as to why you suddenly referred to the police situation in the Middle East. The reader is left wondering why you would opt to close your response on that note. There is no backgrounder in relation to the original article. That is necessary in order to help the reader understand the point of your whole discussion.

**The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.** ## renewable and fossil energy usage comparison Given is graph comparing several sources as energy consumption in US in 1980 and its forecasting in 2050. Eventhough renewable energy consumption was much lower than fossil energy, both of needs will be predicted to go up in the future except hydropower. In 1980, at 35 quadrillion units of energy was petrol and oil, growing exponetially and will be predicted to reach a peak in 2030 at approximately 45 quadrillion units, becoming the predominant energy source throughout the period. While natural gas need stood at 20 quadrillion units, US used 15 quadrillion units of coal to fulfill its need in the initial period. Surprisingly, coal consumption is likely to soar dramatically at near 30 quadrillion units rather than gas just less than 5 quadrillion unit increments in 2030. However, there will be no significant changes for renewable energy consumption in the future. Nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower contributed less than 5 quadrillion units for US's energy in 1980. Interestingly, in the future, while nuclear and solar/wind will be predicted to go up steadily at 5-6 quadrillion units, hydropower consumption will drop to a mere 4 quadrillion units, standing as the lowest energy consumption among other resources. *

Ayu, for this sort of predictive report essay, you must learn how to format your sentences in the future tense form. That is because the events have not yet happened but are predicted to happen some time in the future. You used the correct term in smattering areas of your essay. So I am guessing that you somehow knew that you had to present it in that form. You just did not know that you had to do it in a continuous form throughout the essay. If we do not consider the grammar range and accuracy portion of this essay, I will say that you have presented a pretty solid piece of work that allows your English comprehension skills to accurately shine through. All aspects of the information can be considered to be well presented and informative as the comparisons made really shed light on the information provided to you in the chart.

**The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant** ## noticeable changes in visitor facilities Given are maps comparing the development of tourist amnesties which have not yet occupied. It is noticeable that in around 200 metres, numerous recreational areas, transportation access and accommodation facilities have been built. Generally, the construction has been done in vacant area with some palms standing in the same place. A swimming facility has been constructed near the beach on the outskirt of the island. Alongside the sea, a pier has been added, providing ship to connect this island with others. However vehicle track has been renovate to ease visitor to go to reception and restaurant On the other hand, some hotels have been built in the left side of receptionist and right side as well. Having footpath, pedestrians can walk from one room to the other rooms alongside that area. While six of the accommodations in the right side have been connected with beach, the remainings just have been located in the right side with inhabited area having enormous green trees. *

Ayu, the tense to use in all of these report essays will be the past tense because the information has already been provided to you and all you have left to do is summarize the report in written form. In this case, the vacant island should have been a part of the introduction or summary statement. You should have referenced it as being the basis for the improvement in the island. For example *"The illustrations provide 2 images. One for the undeveloped island composed mainly of tress, and the other, is the developed island composed of various facilities and land masses."* I would give your task accuracy a score of 4 because of the missing element that describes the first image in comparison to the second. As for the coherence and cohesiveness, lexical resource, and grammar range / accuracy, I think you could score no higher than a 5 in most instances. The presentation is mechanical in nature because you only presented the facts as you read it in the essay. There is no sense of you trying to present the information in a more advanced manner either through sentence construction or use of advanced English vocabulary. I would not say that this is a bad essay. I believe that the essay shows your potential to actually do a good job on the next practice test. Provided you have ample guidance and instructions regarding how to better develop your skills. I hope my advice helps you in that regard.

**Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.** ## consumerization impact Can I receive feedback on my answer it would be great help. In this modern world, most members of society believe materialistic things are of great value. Some have their opinion that consumerization has uplifted our life. I believe, consumerism has both benefits and as well drawbacks. In this essay, I will give the overview of both sides. Firstly, In this world of fashion, pupils are much more attracted towards the possessions. They consider their happiness in owning the brand products. For example, any cell phone can serve the purpose of call and or text messages but, nowadays, buying i-phone has become a trend.Secondly, people enjoy shopping and it has also become a hobby for few of them. For instance, whenever the off-seasons sale is put up by any store then these persons tend to buy things even if it is unwanted.Therefore it accumulates waste. However, this consumer society has given the rise in the economy. This type of practice has created jobs for many unemployed people. Due to which they are able to earn their daily living and has less burden on the government to provide them shelter or even basic needs. On the contrary, country's own tradition is at risk. For example, in Indian culture, they had joint families but, now due to global openings for work, families have fallen apart in nuclear form for the greed of money and also to achieve a better lifestyle. In conclusion, consumerization has both advantages and disadvantages. As majority take this advantage of worldly products it will continue further in our lives.

Janaki, I hope you won't mind if I score your essay. I will be scoring it based on the individual criteria that the examiner will also be using. So there will 4 sections of scoring below. I hope the scores can help you to further improve your essay writing. Task Accuracy - 3 - The very low score is because of the inaccuracy in your restatement of the prompt instructions and topic. You also failed to present both sides of the essay in the discussion prior to presenting your personal opinion. In fact, it seems like you were only presenting your personal opinion throughout the essay instead of offering individualized paragraph discussions as the instructions stated. Cohesiveness and Cohesion - 3 - Due to the inaccuracy in the task accuracy portion, your full discussion went wrong. Rather than a generalized discussion of the provided opinions, you ended up creating your own reasoning and opinion for discussion using elements that do not adhere to the prompt requirement. Lexical Resource - 3 - Aside from the fact that you discussed the wrong prompt in your essay, your choice of words also created a problem for the reader, the use of certain terms, such as "pupil" when what you really wanted to refer to was "people". Obvious mistakes in word choice created comprehension problems for the reader which meant that the paragraph had to be repeatedly read before the examiner could figure out what you tried to say in the paragraph. Grammar Range and Accuracy - 3 - the reasons for this score in this area are similar to the problems with your lexical resource. I am really sad that you cannot score higher than a 3 in this practice test. I know that you failed it because you did not properly understand the prompt requirements. Since I have advised you on what to correct, I am hoping that I will see an improvement with your next essay. Hopefully you can avoid making the same mistakes.

**Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.** Hello, Holt I have written a different essay. It would be a great help if u could score this one too. ## zoos - good for human, harm for animals? Keeping the wild animals in the zoo has become a controversial issue. Some citizens have a belief that carnivores animals should not be kept captive. But, others are of the opinion having zoos are beneficial. In my opinion, wild animals should be set free in their territory rather than keeping them in the zoo for human entertainment. On one side of the argument, some people prefer that wild animals should not be kept caged because it makes difficult for these animals to adapt. However, zoo authority will try to give natural habitat, particular to that animal but they will be confined to a restricted area, which in turn can make problematic to get settled in the new environment. Additionally, they are kept alone in a cage which can make them feel lonely.Either of these causes stated above can lead to the death of the animal. Furthermore, impounding these animals can lead to suppressing their natural instinct of hunting. On the other side of this issue, zoos will benefit with a variety of reasons. Firstly, zoos are the form of an educational centre. As these zoos provide talks or even interaction with the animals, for children, it forms the avenue for them to know about a particular animal in that session in detail. Secondly, people visit zoo so that they can have a closer view of wild animals as it will not be possible to go in forest to view them.For example, In London zoo, we are able to have a closer look of penguins and can attend the show to know more about these animals. In conclusion, having a zoo gives many positive effects for human beings but, it is doing no good for wild animals. Therefore they should live in their natural home.

Janaki, the essay is asking you to do a number of things before you present your opinion. That is, to present a comparison discussion of the two opinions first, then discuss your personal opinion on the matter. In this case, you did not make it clear that the opinion being presented is your personal opinion because you did not indicate ownership of the opinion. Remember your first person pronouns? You have to use any of those when referring to the discussion of your personal opinion so that the examiner will know that you are doing exactly that in the paragraph. In my opinion, the best way to discuss these sorts of essays is always to present the weak argument or the argument that you do not support at the start of the essay. That way, you have the opportunity to strengthen to side of the argument that you do support by indicating the discussion of the opinion first, then discussing your supporting opinion after. Hence the essay gains a logical presentation of arguments and develops an authoritative air in the discussion. You can of course, use your personal style for the discussion if you wish to. It doesn't really matter either way as long as your discussion comes across as clear and with an ownership of your personal opinion in relation to the sides being discussed.

**Information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.** ## population and Global wealth The bar graph highlights a population and Global wealth in 8 countries and is measured by percent. Overall, it is immensely clear that the Global wealth describes highest quantity in North America, while India has lowest quantity. A closer look at, North America explains tallest proportion at Global wealth approximately 30,3%, whereas Global wealth is the lowest around by 2% in India. The second tallest is followed by Europe at 30%. Finally, it is occurred by Rich Asia-Pacefic about 23%. Thereafter, China and other Asia Pacefic show similar proportion at approximately 3%, it is slightly lower by Latin America and Caribean about 4%. At the end, India and Africa illustrate similar level approximately 1%. On the other hand, China shows largest level at population about 24%, thereafter, other Asia Pacefic and India displaye alike level about 16% whilst Europe is different proportion by 1%. Africa and Latin America and Caribean are quite dissimilar by 2%. At the end, it is followed between North America and Rich Asia Pacefic that are slightly lower by 1% at population. *

Hasrina, I believe that you have written a very informative summary of the chart that was provided to you for this report. However, the opening summary is not as complete as it should be. The missing element in this opening statement would be the rundown of the countries involved in the study. You should have listed the names of the countries involved in the study at the start in order to create a solid discussion foundation and a complete overview of the information presented. The opening statement would have also been helped if you had presented the information in the opening statement in a manner that produced a minimum of 3 sentences which is the required element of this essay. Remember, it is always a minimum of 3 sentences, maximum of 5 for every paragraph. Those are the only weak points of your work that I saw. When it comes to information presentation, I do not believe that there are any faults and you did a solid job of informing the reader.

## **Looking for A Way Out!** **--Alcohol Intervention** ***Introduction:*** I am interested in talking about how can university students moderate drinking and reject alcohol abuse? The most important aspect for this research question can concluded by the intervention on alcohol using. Although, I will display some bad effect or seriously consequences on alcohol for the college students but as my topic mentioned, I am hoping to show some specific and useful ways on how to prevent oneself on alcohol using. ***Background Section: Orienting Your Readers*** The history of alcohol abuses in college student had to perusing since the college became exited. Students tend to use alcohol as a tool for celebrating or as a cure for sadness and depression. This issue had been got much attention since a long time age. Many researchers had down many kinds of researches of the bed influences of this issue. In addition, they also found a lot of effective solutions on this problem. People follow their-researches and select the valuable idea, then establish some alcoholics anonymous or psychological counseling services. I think article written by Bridges, Ledetra S., and Manoj Sharma is wonderful because they found out alcohol consumption can be reducing by a sufficient process. Although some people may state that alcohol is a good thing for college students, but I have to arguing that, in the most time, the bad influences on alcohol for college students were much bigger than the pleasant part on it. ***Importance of the Issue*** In Dager and Beth's research, they separate the participants in to two groups. They use the difference between moderate and heavy drinkers to measure and predict the subsequent transition to heavy drinking in college students. They concluded that the substantiate of alcohol use in United State is enhance. Researcher Goldstein and Pilgrim focus their point on the negative effective of alcohol of teenage brain. They developed the Concentration Memory Task. They found the higher alcohol consumption scores were associated with impaired performance on broader range of memory tests. Paul J. Gruenewald and Christina Mair did a research on the risks for physiological problems related to alcohol use in college students. They set their experiment through the drinking frequency, volume and average drinking quantity. They took a long period to accomplish this research and measured five physiological problems related to alcohol use. This article is special than the others. Because this paper is dynamic determinants of drinking behaviors have direct implications for assessments of risks for problems related to alcohol use. The comparison of the drinking level and the conclusion of the result are useful for my research question. I think all these articles above are very good researches because all of them mentioned the addition effect on the problem of alcohol abuse in college students. Besides, those are some very good points to convince you and everyone interfere with alcohol abuse. In addition, those articles are very academically on neuron psychology. It introduces an idea that alcohol abuse has some sort of relative with hippocampus in human's brain. Some articles give a deep prove on detailed examinations of quantitative relationships between drinking contexts and drinking problems. This study characterized the relationship between neural response to alcohol picture cues and escalating drinking among college students. Participants underwent scanning during their first college year and completed monthly substance use surveys over the following year. They capturing the period of greatest susceptibility to intensifying drinking. In my point of view of the word importance is that a problem was already prevalent exist in the population and made some serious consequences in the results. The impact on alcohol abuse in college students on health was extremely big. For example, researchers Goldstein and Pilgrim did a very academically research paper on the effect of alcohol on neuron psychology. It introduces an idea that alcohol abuse has some sort of relative with hippocampus in human's brain. I am really interested in the comparison between alcohol user and non-alcohol user's effective of their brain and neuron because I am a college student and I know how important it is, if students have a clear and health brine. Work Cited Bridges, Ledetra S., and Manoj Sharma. "A Systematic Review Of Interventions Aimed At Reducing Binge Drinking Among College Students." Journal Of Alcohol & Drug Education Burns, Sharyn, et al. "A Cross Sectional Evaluation Of An Alcohol Intervention Targeting Young University Students." BMC Public Health Clarke, Natasha C., Matt Field, and Abigail K. Rose. "Evaluation Of A Brief Personalised Intervention For Alcohol Consumption In College Students." Plos ONE Dager, Alecia D., et al. "Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging ( Fmri) Response To Alcohol Pictures Predicts Subsequent Transition To Heavy Drinking In College Students." Addiction FUERTES, JAIRO N., and ALEXANDER HOFFMAN. "Alcohol Consumption And Abuse Among College Students: Alarming Rates Among The Best And The Brightest." College Student Journal Goldstein, Aaron, et al. "Stress And Binge Drinking: A Toxic Combination For The Teenage Brain." Neuropsychologia Gruenewald, Paul J., and Christina Mair. "Heterogeneous Dose-Response And College Student Drinking: Examining Problem Risks Related To Low Drinking Levels." Addiction Kingsbury, John H., Frederick X. Gibbons, and Meg Gerrard. "The Effects Of Social And Health Consequence Framing On Heavy Drinking Intentions Among College Students." British Journal Of Health Psychology Miller, Mary Beth, et al. "The Valued Living Questionnaire For Alcohol Use: Measuring Value-Behavior Discrepancy In College Student Drinking." Psychological Assessment Silveri, Marisa M. "Adolescent Brain Development And Underage Drinking In The United States: Identifying Risks Of Alcohol Use In College Populations." Harvard Review Of Psychiatry (Taylor & Francis Ltd)

Xinyi, if you are already a college student or a high school interested in writing, your school, college, or university should have a writing center or writing adviser on call to help you better develop the grammar and presentation of your essay. Please take advantage of the writing center or assistance programs at your educational institution in order to properly correct the bad grammar in the essay. Everything from the introduction to the peer review section just makes the head of the reader hurt because you did not even try to use the correct terms or properly develop your thoughts in English before posting this peer review for comments. You seriously need to learn the difference between "exited" and "existed", the latter being the term you actually wanted to use. The peer review itself causes severe reader fatigue due to the lack of proper formatting of the presentation. Do your best to divide that part into discussion paragraphs in order to make the essay easier to read. More importantly, it will allow the reader to gain a better understanding of your opinion because you will allow them a chance to pause and seriously consider everything you are saying. Overall, the peer review needs a tremendous amount of work on your part before it can even be considered to be in its early draft stages. I look forward to reading and reviewing your improved peer review whenever you are ready to present it.

**Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.** ## time for relax In the nonstop developing world nowadays, many people are being stressed out by hectic life, much to the point that barely do they have any leisure time. As the length of time for relax is becoming shorter and shorter, many people argue that we should spend the time doing activities that improve the mind. Meanwhile many people stick to their opinion that leisure time should be used to rest the mind. Personally they both have their points but I think it is better to alternate both usages. There is no doubt that nowadays if you want to prove yourself to the world you have to invest in your mind as well as your health. Many people understand this fact and they start to make use of their leisure time to improve their mind in order to keep up with the competitive society. It may seem like they are misusing the real purpose of leisure time which is to have fun but actually they are not at all. Activities like reading, doing word puzzles, Sudoku and etc. are not that boring. In contrast, they are pretty fun because they make the brain to work to solve the problem. People will feel very challenging and engaging. Besides, these games are usually made very attractive with beautiful colors, shapes in apps and etc. which provoke people's interest. However, we do have to accept that mind-improving games can make you use more energy not to mention that you can be exhausted after the time which is supposed to help you relax and release stress. This can lead to serious problem as you may have no more energy left to continue working and your work can be badly affected. Therefore, in my opinion, it is better to alternate both usages which means that you can play mind-improving games in your leisure time but just to a certain extent and don't overwork your brain as it need to get a rest as well. In conclusion, all play no learn is not good but all learn no play cannot lead to stable success. We all need to find a harmony between them even in our free time.

Chau, while your essay speaks of valid reasons for resting the mind during leisure time, it fails to take into account that the human brain is constantly analyzing, solving problems, and functioning to keep the whole system of life running our bodies. Therefore, it is important that the brain totally rest in order to allow parts of it to totally rest while the rest of the brain keeps our life systems going. In my opinion, the flaw of your essay is in its line of reasoning that fails to consider the fact that the brain, when made to rest by still doing analytical activities causes headaches, migraines, and other health issues in people. Since you failed to consider the health aspect of the brain itself, the discussion becomes ill advised and shows that the writer does not have a full understanding or ability to consider all aspects of the provided prompt. While you could get an acceptable score for this essay, you could have gotten an even better score if you had done a more serious analysis of the prompt requirements based on mental health issues as well.

**Write a letter to your friend telling him that you left the coat. Tell him what the coat looks like, where you think you left it and what was inside it. Make some suggestions about how to get it back.** ## i need my valuable coat back Dear Stevens, I reached home today after that stupendous weekend that we have spent at your home. Thank you so much for putting me up. Unfortunately, I have left my coat at your home and didn't realize about it while leaving from your home. Do you remember the black one that I wore when we went to Multi cuisine restaurant for the lunch on Saturday? It's a memorable gift that was presented to me by my wife at wedding anniversary day. It's black in color with white buttons. I have kept my wallet in which valuable credit cards and driving license exist. So, it's important for me to get back the coat as soon as possible. I have friend who is passing through your town on office work. He can come and collect the coat from your office location as it is nearest location for his office. Could he please collect it from there. I have given your phone number to him and please be reachable on Thursday morning to collect the coat. Anyways, Thanks again for a wonderful weekend and look forward to see you soon. Regards, Jaya Krishna

Jaya, if you are going to make up information about the value of the coat, saying you left your wallet in it with valuable identification cards will not work. Mostly because in real life, you will never leave the house without first checking for your wallet. If you did leave the house without it, you will soon realize that you left it and return for it. Just saying that the jacket was a gift from your wife on your wedding anniversary so you have to get it back is already enough of a pivotal reason to get the jacket back. Also, in the part where you discuss the need for the person to be reachable on Thursday, do not say "to collect the coat" as that phrase entails that the person who currently has the coat will have to go and get the coat. Instead say "Please be available on Thursday so my friend can collect the coat from you." Before I forget, the English name is Steven, not Stevens. Stevens is an English last name and not the first name of a person.

**People have different views about the internet is a good means of connecting people. Others believe that it may not a best place to search information. This essay will discuss both of this view and give my opinion.** Internet is a great source, but reliable enough? In the twenty first century, internet playing a prominent role in human's life. On one hand, internet gives a useful information related to education, business, and entertainment etc., which help humans to get the required details briskly. On the other hand, adolescence imagination is at jeopardy as we are completely depending on the internet for any information. Often students and youngsters addicted to internet and spending lot of time over the internet.The dichotomy of openions for and against views on the internet usage will be discussed in the next paraphrase. Internet has created a revolution to software industry for the past 2 decades. Now a days, most of the appliances like Mobilephone, Laptop, Tabs enhanced the humans lifestyle. For an instance, carrying a message from one location to another used to take days, and often months but now with the help of internet via Mobilephones transferring a message in seconds. Social media like Facebook, Watsapp connects the friends across the globe and able to share their happiness/sorrows with the friends.In addition, it acts as a medium of source with abundant information. It's an opportunity for the student to gain the adequate knowledge over the internet and execute in their daily life. Internet also have its own demerits similar to the merits. Most of the youngsters and students spend their active life over the internet for browsing outrageous websites. Recent researches endorsed that many students dropping out from school and college as they spend most of the time over the internet. Also, most of the information provided in the websites are not trustable infact abhorrent people quote unfavorable comments on the celebrities and become rivalries on each other. In conclusion, predominately internet is a great source of medium of connecting people and gives abundant information. At the same time, we need to make a thorough review for getting the right information from useful websites.

Jaya, kindly provide the complete prompt instructions for our comparison with the essay that you wrote. It is important that we get a clear idea of the information you are being asked to compare and that the actual instruction is regarding any personal opinion on your part. This will be part of the task accuracy scoring that should be done when reviewing the essay that you wrote. Without the prompt, we cannot just the appropriateness of your response to the prompt provided. In a formally written essay, you are never to use short cut words such as "etc." in an effort to indicate "and so on and so forth". That is something that is allowed only in non academic writing. Avoid making the same mistake in your future practice essays. Next, make sure that you spell the words properly in your essays because you will lose points in the lexical resource section when you make mistakes such as "openions", which should have been properly spelled as "opinions". Wrong spelling of words, even though used in the proper context, will result in points deduction. Finally, I do not see a clear presentation of your personal opinion regarding the matter. It is important that your personal opinion be represented properly by the first person pronouns such as "I,me, mine". That way the examiner knows that this paragraph is not discussing the point of view of others but rather your opinion on the given discussion.

My first question is, whether I properly answer the question, because even though I provided reasons WHY they receive or not receive - I don't give enough reasons who deserve to receive greater salaries and didn't emphasis on my personal opinion. Other than that, I am not sure whether some of my sentences are not too long and too ambiguous. **Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both points and share your opinion.** ## Huge money in professional sport Popular sportsmen can have significantly greater salaries than people with other occupations. Many people state that sports professionals deserve that enormous rewards, whereas others believe sports athletes' salaries are unjustified. This essay argues that people's incomes should be determined by their contribution to the society and therefore sportsmen do not deserve to be that affluent. Most of the popular sportsmen have greater salaries because they attract more interest into communities. Their most important ability is to entertainment for people. Consequently, the most interesting they are, more people will be inclined to pay to watch them and concomitantly they will earn more money. For example, according to a research conducted by Harvard university, 90 of the asked people would rather pay to attend a sports event than pay for other activity. Despite the fact that being entertained is an essential part of our lives, the are other jobs who are of paramount importance for our lives. Every single day, many people risk their lives in order to provide safer and more convenient environment for us and our children. Moreover, without their work, our lives would have never been that satisfying, but unfortunately, their sacrifices are usually overshadowed due to the fact their work is not that attractive for the ordinary people. For instance, a recent study found out that the average salary of a sportsman is likely to be 5 times greater than the salary of a doctor, even though the doctor's contribution to the society is much greater. In conclusion, I think that although sports athletes' work is more interesting, people who have more significant impact on us and our lives, such as soldiers and police officers, deserve to have bigger incomes.

George, there is actually a way that you can get around the personal opinion requirement of the essay. That is to discuss the two sides of the story based upon your personal opinion immediately. How do you do that? First you have to give the public opinion on the matter and then, within the same paragraph, give your personal opinion for the discussion of the public belief. If it is something that you do not believe in, then immediately contradict the opinion by saying something like "I don't believe that this reason is justified because...". However, if you support the opinion, then say "In addition to this opinion, I also believe that...". So in both instances, you manage to give your personal opinion in a manner that makes it seem well developed in the essay even though you have not said a lot in terms of your personal opinion. This type of presentation creates a better, stronger, and more developed discussion of the prompt provided. When you get to the concluding part, you don't need to do anything more than just restate the prompt, pro and con opinion, and then state your final opinion on the matter. Now don't forget, you still have to include your personal opinion at the end of the opening statement so that the reader will know how to identify your personal opinion in the overall essay.

Can you help me to fix my short essay? **"Some people say that with the considerable benefit computers and the internet bring about, they can completely replace the traditional role of a teacher. Do you agree or disagree with it?"** ## computer and Internet instead of a real teacher? As we all know, teachers play an important part in life. They not only bring knowledge to students but also teach children to behave in the right way. However, in this modern society, some people say that with the considerable computers and the internet bring about, they can completely replace the traditional role of a teacher. I partly agree with it because of some reasons. On the one hand, I think computers bring about a lot of benefits. We can search anything we don't know on the internet to get information. In addition, we can learn many things that we aren't taught at school. For example, you can learn to play the guitar or other musical instruments. Besides, you can improve your foreign languages if you use computer wisely, such as learning Englisch by music or movies. Moreover, with a computer connected the ethernet, students can learn online at any time, in anywhere and with anyone. Therefore, nowadays, most of the people use the computer to study or work more effectively. On the other hand, computers and the internet also have many disadvantages because there are both good and bad things on the internet. Students haven't been mature so that they can easily be affected by negative factors. Besides, when they self-study, they may find it hard to concentrate on the lessons on the web. Moreover, if children study with a computer instead of going to school, they can get some diseases such as nearsightedness or a headache. Therefore, the role of traditional teachers is very important. When students don't understand the lessons, they can ask for the answer, so their study will be effective. In addition, when children have trouble in life or in the study, they can share it with teachers, or ask the teachers to know more about the job in future. Thus, students and teachers can make a good relationship and students will be more confident to face up the life. To sum up, we shouldn't appreciate very high the play of computer and the internet. Although they help us much in life, but we cannot consider that they can completely replace the role of traditional teachers. If we weren't taught by teachers, we wouldn't know to use a computer or even writing a letter.

Von, there is a major problem with the way that you presented the essay prompt in your first paragraph. You simply did a cut and paste job on the original material. Since this essay requires you to paraphrase or restate the prompt in your own understanding in order to prove your English comprehension ability, you will automatically receive a reduced mark in task accuracy due to the plagiarism involved in the opening statement. Now, as the essay clearly indicates that you have to pick one side of the argument to discuss, depending upon the examiner, you may or may not receive full marks for discussing both sides. That is because, upon close analysis of your work, the arguments that you present for each side makes sense. There is logic in your presentation. Therefore, the final score for that sort of unique discussion will solely be up to the discretion of the examiner. If you impress the examiner enough with your discussion of both sides, you just may gain full credit for your presentation. Otherwise, the examiner could choose to deduct points for non-compliance with the preset instructions in the prompt.

Writing IELTS Task 1 (Diagram) Need Review and Suggestion ## Number of cars in the maple leaf country It is noticeable that the majority of Canadian owns only one car while a little group of them have two or more. Furthermore, almost half of the adult Canadian sum up the group of having no ownership of this type of vehicle and two cars in possession. The biggest group in this category, a little bit exceed from 50%, is adult in Canada who owns only a car in their garage. In the contrary, the smallest proportion of them or about only 5% possess more than two for their travel needs. Another group is Canadian with two cars which including about 25%. The last proportion is distribute among them who do not own any of this vehicle. It is less than a quarter or about only 15% of total Canadian adult population. *

Wahyu, you cannot just rely on the diagram for the explanation in your summary report. That is precisely why your essay does not meet the minimum essay requirements and will most likely end up with a failing score for this essay. For starters, all of your paragraphs are only 1-2 line sentences. You know that the minimum requirement is 3 sentences and yet you did not even try to increase your sentence count in order to meet the minimum word requirement. When you write a summary report essay, you must do more than just list down the information in the chart. You have to make sure that you show the examiner that you understand what the report is all about and that you are capable of explaining it to the reader. This sort of test requires you to do analysis of the diagram and an expansion of the discussion. How you do that is up to you with regards to presentation. What is important is that you deliver in terms of all requirements for the essay. This essay needs more work and you need to learn to read more than just what is presented in the diagrams presented to you. No matter how simple it is, present an analysis of the information provided so that you can score better in the task accuracy and grammatical range and accuracy portion of the essay.

Please review and give suggestion to my essay. I'm in practice for my upcoming test. Question: **The use of mobile phones in public places is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** The utilization of mobile phones in public area is considered as unsympathetic action as smoking. The latter one is already imposed by strict rules in several places, and some opinion raise among public that it should be implemented to the use of this type of sophisticate technology as well. It is disagreed that the obligatory prohibition on this particular case should be urged and several relevant reason will be presented further in this essay. The human right is the first thing which should be protected and prohibit people from using mobile phones violate that fundamental aspect. When the sales of this communication technology product is permissible in every part of this world, just like food or other basic needs, it can be inferred that mobile phone has become an important part of human life. There are many research conducted on this discourse and the result is identical each other which told that mobile phone is just as important as daily meal. Thus, the urgency of law-making regarding this is not imperative. The level of harmful effect produced by mobile phone is another aspect to discuss. The considerable damage to social life influenced by people interact with their gadget in public places is non-existence until this essay is written. Conversely, smoking showed by many research have an obvious danger and the implementation of strict rules on it is a good decision. In this sense, to ban the use of mobile phones in public places is unreasonable. In conclusion, the right of every people to use their private cell phones and the minimum level of possible drawbacks affected to other citizen are the reason that a ban imposed on it is unacceptable. Therefore, it is easily rejected because such step does not have a significant impact for social life.

Wahyu, your opening statement doesn't make any sense. I believe that you tried to simply translate your line of reasoning from your mother language to English. Which created a very confusing presentation in the end. It is important that you present your thoughts in a simple yet understandable manner. I agree with Nanda that you accidentally used too many complex words in this essay. While that was a good attempt on your part to prove your lexical ability, it prevented you from creating an understandable paragraph. So next time, don't try to impress with your words. Try to impress using the logic and sense or meaning of your paragraph instead. It need not use complicated words if you don't know how to properly use the terms you have chosen to develop the paragraph. That is how you fail to get a passing score in one of the 4 major criteria for the test. Your line of reasoning in this essay is completely flawed and will result in a failing score. You cannot compare mobile phone use in importance to the need for food. Think about it, you will not die if you do not use your mobile phone in public for a few hours. However, if you do not eat for a number of hours, you will get hungry, weak, and, if you do not eat for days, most likely die. None of those scenarios exist in the event of being prevented from using your mobile phone in any instance. So the relevance of reasoning is unacceptable and illogical.

**They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?** The waste recycling scale - should it be more widespread? Nowadays,the concept of eco-environment has been raised. People is facing the environmental issue eagerly and trying to find the solutions to repair it. There are several ways can achieve the goal, and recycling is one of them. Some people believe that only by making the law can make people do the recycle. In my opinion, I support this statement and my reasons are following. First of all, although recycling takes time to recognize which categories of your garbage and what is proper handing way, it is the easiest method which everyone can do it. However, lazy is people's nature that people would ignore to do so only for their own convenience. In order to let people practice the recycling, the government should be the leader sheet which not only announces the importance of recycling but also legislate. Furthermore, the laws should restrict not only individual but the industries. I think only when the whole society anticipate in this activity so as to make the laws meaningful. On the other hand, others argue that it is unnecessary to make the law because recycling should be integrated into our life. Rather than legislating, they assume the government should pay more attention on the education. I do believe the emphasis on the sustainable environmental education is able to let the next generation understand the importance of recycling, but it is easy becoming an empty talk. For example, in my country, people have to pay the considerable money to the government to handle the trash properly.The irony is that we learn lots of environment-friendly issue since young but grow up people never do the recycling. There is an old saying that actions speak louder than words. I convinced that if the government make recycling become an obligation, then the people is willing to obey.

Arlen, there is a certain degree of confusion in the way that you deliver the message of your essay. This is due to poorly constructed sentences stemming from your limited ability to properly form English sentences. For example, you said: *... the government should be the leader sheet...* The correct sentence formation should have been: *... the government should be the leader in legislating...* Do you see how your desire to create a complex sentence creates an improper simple sentence in the process? As such, you need to practice better word usage and sentence formation in your upcoming practice tests. In addition to that, there is also a need to for you to understand that the point of view that you do not support should never close the essay. That is because when you present the side that you do not support in the last part of the essay, that is most likely what the examiner will remember as your supporting statement. Mostly because the point of view that you support or are in agreement with is usually made the closing part because the strength of your essay comes from the way that you have a strong, positive finish to your message.

**Most countries allow 18-year-olds to drive a car. Some people say this is a good age to start driving. Other people say that the minimum age to drive a car should be at least 25 years.** ## Youth or experience when driving? For many years now, the debate has raged on about whether to raise the driving age from 18 to 25. There are a number of studies that show how susceptible 18 years old drivers are to accidents and many believe that boosting the driving age will keep the roads safer. Each side has valid points to make, so let's take a closer look at the pros and cons of this proposal. Those proponents of age raising argue that such decision has many benefits. For instance, it will allow additional exercise for young people. Statistics in USA show that obesity in American youth is at an all time high. If kids cannot simply drive everywhere, they will be forced to walk and ride bicycles, which is great for their long term health. There are many experts who believe that raising the driving age can put a serious dent in the epidemic of youth obesity. On the other hand, I agree with those who are in the camp of opponents of age upraising who argue that such decision has many drawbacks. Firstly, it can lead to less socially active teens, Teens who live in urban areas are typically able to get around without the use of a car, but those who live in rural regions may struggle to develop an active social life if they are not mobile. This can lead to a decreased self esteem and a failure to recognize social cues later in life. Secondly, teens can't run errands. While some parents may worry excessively about their teens when they are on the road, but those who look on the bright side tend to look forward to their kids turning 18. After being forced to play chauffeur for years, the tables finally turn and they can ask their kids to run errands for them. After looking at the drawbacks of raising the driving age to 25, it is clear that such decision will have negative effect on the long term although what could be seemingly thought of the contrast.

Unfortunately, that is not enough. You see the essay prompt is meant to test your knowledge of current events and / or its influence upon your life. Therefore, you need to discuss it as a totally separate paragraph in the essay. The examiner gives you the chance to prove your English comprehension skills, development of complex sentences, and lexical knowledge of the language by allowing you all opportunities to present your discussion strengths. By simply attaching your opinion to the reasons you provided for the agree or disagree discussions, you are selling yourself short and not allowing yourself to present your English written skills to its fullest potential to the reviewer. For an opinion paragraph, it is always best that you present it as the 4th paragraph in the essay because the weak discussion should be in the second paragraph and the strong discussion, in the third. That paragraph then acts as a supporting paragraph for your opinion so you can manage to just say "*I agree with the aforementioned reason for a number of personal reasons. Reasons such as ..."* This will then serve to create a strong personal opinion on your part and allow you to further develop the discussion that will prove your analytical English writing skills as well.

## Science at the expense of art and literature in universities? Education is considered as one of the most important things in our life. It makes students live in a world full of information and creativity. Some subject such as art and literature have influence their thoughts and believes, while others such as science help them discover many things about the world. Science, art and literature must be taught at universities. Undoubtedly, teaching science as a subject at universities has many benefits. One of these benefits is that science gives students information about the world we live in. It helps them discover more scientific details of various natural phenomena. By way of illustration, without science it is impossible to know the answers of how and why earthquakes, volcanoes, and floods are happening. In addition, science allows students to become much smarter and intelligent. It leads them to think and to use their brain power. For instance, it is scientifically proved that almost all the students who have never studied science think in a passive way and rely more on memorizing things by heart rather than analyzing them logically. All in all, science must be the only subject to be taught at universities. However,we need literature and art to be taught at universities as well. Literature and art help students to develop their thinking skills as well as encouraging them to think deeply and share their thoughts with each other. As a case in point, when students read Romeo and Juliet's story ,each one of them will have his point of view on the story, what is even better is that they have the opportunity to share their thoughts with each other. Additionally, literature and art give students freedom to think without limits, a chance to live in a world of imagination .To illustrate, Students can write their own stories in which they use their imagination. In brief, Literature and art have a big value in our studies and our life in general. Undeniably, students at universities must study science,art and literature. Each one of these subjects completes the other. Namely, from science ,students learn how humans are born , and from art and literature they will learn how humans can be independent and see life from different perspective. In addition, when students have knowledge in science, art and literature together, it will provide them with great privileges. A lot of great writers and painters were men of science. As an illustration, Issac Asimov was an American author as well as a professor of biochemistry at Boston University .To conclude , as much as we need science, we also need art and literature in our education system. Indeed , science, art and literature are one of the most important subjects to be taught at universities. Each one of them has its benefits. teaching these three subjects at universities has proven beneficial for students . When students study all these subjects ,they will develop a sense of creativity, and they will get more intelligent.

Hajar, first of all, you will need to learn how to develop more interesting titles for your posts other than just paraphrasing the prompt questions. Users here have been banned for not using creative titles for their posts. I hope you will be able to come up with a more creative title with your next new thread. I would hate to see you get banned on such a simple technicality. Now, about your essay... When you are asked to agree or disagree with a statement being made in the prompt, you must reflect that in your opening statement. The opinion that you will be supporting, whether in support of or not in support of the topic, is the whole point of your essay discussion. You state your opinion then support it with facts or experiences from your own life or knowledge. In this case, you should have presented information in the first paragraph that clearly indicates that you support a variation of the prompt proposal due to a number of reasons. Those reasons, would create the succeeding paragraphs in your essay as you have those sections developed now. Failure to properly address the prompt requirement in the opening statement will result in a lower Task Accuracy score for you in the actual test. Don't leave anything to chance. Always make sure that you represent all of the prompt requirements in the opening statement. That is the most critical part of your essay.

**The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.** ## average carbon dioxide (CO2) spread in different world areas The provided line chart illustrates the average emission of the CO2 per person in four European countries for a 40 year period beginning in 1967. In detail, the CO2 emission in the United Kingdom and Sweden had decreased. Especially in Sweden, besides the markedly lift between 1967 and 1977, it had dropped from 9 to near 5.5 metric tonnes in 40 years. On the other hand, the graph depicts the steadily growth of CO2 emission in Italy and Portugal. The former grew from 4 to almost 8 metric tonnes and the later was 5 times as much a in 1967 as in 2007. We can observe from the chart that the CO2 emissions in four countries were quite apart originally, but in the year of 2007, the number became closer and closer. Interestingly, in 2007, the average CO2 emission in the UK was equal to that in Portugal. *

Arlen, your report summary is good, but it could have been better. You merely restated the facts as it was presented in the chart that you were given to analyze. However, the proper and more complete approach to the report presentation would have been if you did a complete comparison analysis of the provided information. Note how the lines in the chart intermingle and overlap one another at certain points? Those are the comparison points that should have been included in your discussion. By presenting those comparison aspects, the essay would have been more informative and would have easily met the paragraph development requirements in the final presentation. Remember how each paragraph has to have at least 3 sentences in it? Look at your essay, you missed a few sentences in paragraphs 1 and 2. The conclusion of the examiner will then be that the information that you are providing is incomplete. He would be right if he assumed that because you did not properly develop the accurate summary report of this illustrative chart.

I am preparing for TEOFL, so i will be so thankful for every one give me a feedback on my essay: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ## the basic stones of every society The children are the basic stones that every society stand on it by itself, this is why the developed societies give an important consideration about them, and especially the parents. Without any doubt, the parents have big impact on their child future, because they are the closest ones to him, in which he trusts them and thinks that their advices and orders fall in his benefits, for this reason, the parents are in a position where they can make their child go extra mile in his future, as such, they seek his hope, his dream, and think about what he wants, what he loves, and what he hates, also, it should be mentioned that when children stick in very difficult situations, the most often, their parents are the only hope they can trust, meanwhile, anyone else is taken with grant of salt, and that explains well why the child learn from his parents how to manage his life and how to struggle in a difficult situations and how to be stubborn in hopeless cases. We cannot encounter all the reasons in few lines, but nevertheless, what has been mentioned justifies why the parents make the best teacher, however this should not be taken as a perfect rule so let us turn over the coin to see the opposite face. Every child is like a white paper, and what the parents write in it would be very difficult to erase, hence her is the questions: how much destructive would be that paper if it is written with dark thinking, evil ideologies and bad behavior ? What i want to say is: the best educated parents make the best teachers, and what their children learn from anyone els is as a drop in the bucket comparing with what they benefit from them.

Housseyne , since this is the first time that you have posted here, I am absolutely sure that you don't have any idea regarding the rules of the forum yet. You are required to post the prompt requirement that accompanies your practice test. That is because we need that prompt to help analyze your weaknesses and strengths in writing these essays. It also helps to give us an idea as to how you might be scored in an actual test. So kindly post the prompt here as soon as you can for a more accurate review and scoring of your essay. In the meantime, I am going to offer you a general review of your essay. Your opening summary is incomplete and not in compliance with the required length of an opening paragraph. The information does not carry a complete summary of the prompt or proper paraphrasing either. Even though I do not have access to the complete prompt as of this moment, I can already tell that there are important sections missing in this particular paragraph. I would love to read the actual prompt in order to better direct you in developing your paraphrased prompt paragraphs. Properly developed paragraphs need to be at least 3 paragraphs long in order to be considered format compliant. You are not allowed to pose a question in the essay if you are not going to provide a response to it. These are the more common problems that exist in your essay right now. This review covers everything from the first to the last paragraph that you have written. I can give you a chance to write a better , guided essay once you provide the prompt to help me with a more detailed review.

## starting and finishing IELTS essays Well, in the last few days, I have found that I have problems with my Introduction paragraphs in my writing task 2 and I have difficulties with the overview in writing task 1. Now I am going to share some of them with you and I am hoping that you will be able to give me some suggestions how to improve them. ielts-mentor/images/writingsamples/Academic\_IELTS\_Writing\_task\_1\_Sample\_104.jpg Over the given period, In Yemen, the proportion of people aged 0-14 will drop significantly, as the share of the population by the age between 14-59 will increase dramatically. The opposite trend will be experienced in Italy, where the share of the mid-age group is going to diminish, whereas the proportion of people aged 60+ will nearly twice as big. ielts-mentor/images/writingsamples/Academic\_IELTS\_Writing\_Task\_1\_Sample106.png It is clear that over the given period, the proportion of foreign students in the provided Canadian universities had increased significantly. The most significant went up was observed in the University of British Columbia, whereas the lowest uplift was in Ontario. Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? It is a never ending question, whether governments have to invest more funds in improving the infrastructure of towns or should they focus on the development of means of public transportation, such as buses and trains. This essay argues that the improvement of public transport should be of paramount importance for every government. Firstly, this essay will discuss how by improving the public transport, local powers could improve the environment in the regions and then it will focus on the financial benefits from overhauling of the local transport. I have difficulties with this question, I am not sure, whether I have to discuss both points or I have to stick with only 1.

George, when you are presented with an and / or question in an essay, such as the one above, this indicates that a comparison essay is expected in the response. Why is it a comparison essay? Simply because it is asking you to consider two sides of the discussion. The pros and the cons of each side have to be accurately displayed in the essay discussion. So if you have 5 paragraphs to write it, you have to write it in the following manner: 1. Overview summary with your opinion indicated. Remember to say that both opinions will be discussed in the essay. 2. The negative opinion discussion 3. The positive opinion discussion 4. Your personal opinion (if required) 5. The concluding paragraph. Keep in mind that you have to discuss the point that you personally support in the third paragraph, if your personal opinion is required so that your opinion will have a strong foundation to be based upon. If your personal opinion is not required, then you can interchange the positive and negative discussion since the conclusion will be based on a general discussion and will not require a restatement of your personal opinion.

## recreational places choice by British people The diagram shows four choices of recreation places by Britainian in 1999 including theme park, museum and galleries, historic houses and monuments, and wildlife parks and zoos. It is noticeable that theme park became the first choice of local tourist in England and wildlife parks or zoos was the last in mind to spend their leisure time. Entertainment attractions was more preferable than other type of recreation places. Theme park became the most visited by Britanian with the percentage of 38% and this amount distributed into five choices of attractions. Among those five Blackpool Pressure Beach was the most favorite with 47% of theme park visitor and Chessington World of Adventure as well as Legoland in Windsor became the last choices with only 10% of theme park visitor. Museum and Galleries had almost the same amount of visitor as theme park with only 1% different. Educational recreation chose only about one-sixth of overall tourist in England while natural places had the least of fans at 9% of visitor. *

Wahyu, if you combine the first and second paragraphs to create a singular paragraph, then you will be presenting an overview that is within the required 3-5 sentence presentation. However, if you did that, you would end up with an essay that is only 2 paragraphs long. That is because the last 2 paragraphs that you present also need to be merged in order to create an accurate discussion of the diagram. I believe that you have the potential to improve this essay in order to meet all the required formats. You just need to review the diagram again and this time, make sure to develop your opening statement in the proper manner. That means, shortening your sentences in the presentation in order to meet the required sentence minimum. Then, you have to expand the second paragraph in order to accurately present the information provided. Like i said, you can combine the last 2 paragraphs from this essay to accomplish that. So your remaining problem will be properly concluding your report in order to better reflect the provided information. I suggest that you simply recap the information in the final paragraph, covering at least 3 sentences, in order to remind the reader about the purpose of the report.

## Too many cars in the capitol of Vietnam In the attempt to cope with traffic jams, developed countries have hitherto conducted a number of effective solutions, and the result of which was an enormous success far beyond the expectations. Therefore, there is no doubt that Ho Chi Minh City government could employ those methods to confront their severe road congestion. To begin with, practical measures should be implemented to raise public awareness about obedience to the traffic laws. In detail, the city had better inflict stricter punishments on drivers breaking rules, including imposing fines on them or sentencing them to do community services. In addition, the appropriate contents could be added into teaching programs of all education levels in order to build up youth's virtue and discipline. The other necessary solution is making the public transport system more convenient for passengers. In particular, the government should primarily enhance the comfort of current bus services by expanding its operating hours, increasing the number of bus routes, and offering a priority lane on streets to dedicated buses. Indeed, to shorten transportation time, it is urgent to speed up implementation progress of metro projects. Apparently, althought solving traffic jams completely is not easy, the government still step by step improve the situation by following the potential solutions mentioned above.

Nam, if you provide me with a copy of the prompt that you are responding to, I can also tell you the score that you could possibly get for this essay. That way you will know how far from or how close to a 6 you may score in the overall band. Don't worry about your grammar. You got your points across quite clearly and, even though some of the words that you use seem to be a bit stern, the flow of thought was not affected. As a part of your grammatical range and accuracy, I feel that you don't have anything to worry about. The parts of the scoring that you have to worry about are your task accuracy and lexical resource. From what I can tell, your cohesiveness and cohesion is also acceptable. Again, the prompt is necessary for a more accurate review of your work. The grammar problems are the least of your worries at this point.

Everyone need a coach to enhance our quality of doing something. Every people need a feedback, that is the way we improve . however, only a few group of people almost know a sistematically feedback to help them to do their job better. Trake teachers as the example, over 90 per cent teachers always give particular feedback in one word, "satisfactory". When the teachers say it was satisfactory, Bill Gates said that he had no hope to be better. Our teachers deverse better and how we can help teachers to ehance their skills and performance. C hina is the best rank in reading proficiency because they give a adequate feedback and measure properly to the teachers as well as, of course, the teachers give feedback to the students. Why it was so important? Because there are so many factors, teachers has their asses and evaluate their tudents to give a feedback to set up the best curriculume as methods in teaching.

Mohammad, I am not sure about how to review your essay. That is because you failed to provide the prompt requirement that accompanied the response that you wrote. Is this something that belong to an IELTS, TOEFL, or any other educational qualifying exam practice test? Or are you responding to a specific college application prompt? My response and advice to what you have written will depend upon the kind of purpose that this essay was written for. That, depends upon the prompt you have been given. I feel like there is much more to Bill Gate's representation in the essay than what you have here at the moment. Is this supposed to be an article summary? If so, please provide the link. Your essay doesn't reflect the kind of discussion that your chosen title implied the reader would have learned if he had opted to read your essay from beginning to end. Please provide the additional information soon so that a more relevant review of your essay can be made.

Can anyone help me to check about my leadership esssay? check on the grammar, check on the topic, or whatever, I really appreciate it your help! ---------------------------- ## Commitment and responsibility One of leadership skill I posses is commitment. I have consistently shown throughout my relationships and responsibilties to be accountable in both good and bad times. Beyond my commitment for others and my organization, I always finding ways to maximize my own potential professionally and personally. I know how to manage myself and make a reliable commitment without having to be told. Throughout my life, I have been blessed with the opportunities of being the head project officer of a debating championship in my university. Being the head project officer of the fellow students taught me what leadership is truly all about. Being one of the few students in my organization, somehow I was elected to be the head project officer of the debating championship committee. At first, I had no idea what I supposed to do since I had never been a leader of any sort before. Moreover, I had to lead the committee consisted of seniors from different majors, faculties, and characters for sure. I had never imagine, me, the youngest woman in the group had to be the leader of this team. Eventually, with the courage from my juniors, I decided that this was a great opportunity for me to challange myself and make my college years memorable. I faced many difficulties along the way. At first, I was all fired up to success this event. I proposed my ideas about what we should do to success this event to the committees. They aggreed to my ideas and supported it. Time passed, I found other committees had lost their interest in successing the event. Moreover, they postponed what supposed to be their job and finally I was having a hard time to keep in touch with them. At first, I was angry with them but then I realized that being angry was not an option if I wanted to success this event. After that, I tried to have more patience in facing them. I tried to be a good listener for them, I listened to what might have been their problem and why they could not do their job properly. In addition, I tried to be not afraid of constructive criticism directed to me about my way of leading everyone in my project team. Afterwards, aside of leading them in successing this project, I became a problem solver for everyone. I tried to solve the problem of the people in charge for the decoration and design, for the property,for the accomodation, and so on. Finally, after such efforts, the D-Day came and everything turned out to be successful. I managed to commit and responsible to my role in both good and bad times. Moreover, I managed to lead a group of young people with different characters in successing the event together. I believe that this leadership experience opened new doors to myself as well as to those of m

Dina, the best way to start off your essay discussion is by revealing to the reviewer what your idea, understanding, or concept of leadership is. Then connect that to a discussion about how commitment is a leadership skill that has to be valued by all people because a leader who does not possess the skill of commitment is not an effective leader. After that, you can launch into the narrative about your leadership time when your resolve to the commitment of your duties was tested. The essay that you wrote became weak because you did not try to create a definition portion based upon personal experience first for leadership and commitment, if you work on presenting that section before you move on to the narrative regarding the event that you led, then the essay might work better. By the way, don't spend too much time on explaining how you never saw yourself as a leader and other things. Just present your leadership activity, without doubt or exaggeration. Be factual, deliver the necessary points and the essay will be better for it.

Hi everyone. I wrote a common app essay and I would really appriciate it if someone took a look at it. Please do not go over any grammar, punctuation rules. I really need feedback on FLOW, CONTENT, TOPIC, AND IDEA of the essay. I just need to know if the topic is good, if the essay grabs attention, and if this essay would work, meaning is this the type of college essay that college admissions officers are looking for. Someone please read it and just tell me if I can get into a good school with this essay. Thank you so much in advance!!! ## **The Big Profit** Near the edge of my desk sits a small red empty pouch. It is the first thing that greets me in the morning and when I come home from school. It is free from any physical belongings of mine but within the small pouch sits my "profit" from the NJ Flea Market Fair. I always wanted to earn money by myself without the support of my parents. One day when a flier came in the mail, I knew it was meant for me. The flier read- NJ Flea Market Fair: Sell your items and earn money. No admission needed! I immediately started to go through items I had for years. I untangled jewelry, washed clothing, and scrubbed old appliances, packing the items in boxes. The day of the fair I woke up early to set up my stand. Sweat dripped down from the side of my forehead. "Maybe I should pass," I thought. But I had tagged prices and polished items; I could not give up now. At around 9:00 AM, customers started to pour down the streets of the flea market. I felt my heart thumping with a hint of anticipation as the customers walked past my stand. Before I could sit down in a chair and relax, my first customer approached! She was a middle-aged lady who bought more items than I expected. As she told me the items she wanted, I packed them neatly in plastic bags I had saved from Wal-Mart. So, as customers came and went by on that hot summer day, I stood behind my stand, recounting the money in my red pouch after every purchase. My pouch was filled with money. As the fair approached to an end, a dark haired lady, who was the supervisor of the fair, came towards me. "She's going to look at my items," I thought but I suddenly froze at her words: "Can you please pay for the stand fee?" There was a stand fee? My mouth moved to say something but I couldn't find the right words. I didn't know what to think. My efforts from the morning under the humid weather flashed in front of my eyes. I suddenly felt empty inside, as I handed the supervisor the pricey stand fee. For a couple of minutes, I stood there blankly, my eyes unfocused. I watched other people slowly gather their items, making their way home. Then from far away, I saw the small boy walking with his mom with my old collection of marbles. I could still see the excitement in his eyes. I then remembered the lady who had found the comfort from my red sweater, the teenage girl who adored my old pair of heels and the conversation I had with the grandpa who was sent with two picture frames for his grand-daughter. Ironically, as I looked at my empty pouch, I felt like it was more full than before. Though I had endured the hot summer day and had given up days to sort through my items, I couldn't help but break into a smile. So, the empty small pouch sits on my desk to remind me of my big profit and to look at situations from a different angle. It sits there to remind me that the conversations, smiles, and efforts from that day will forever last with me, unlike the money in my pouch. I keep it physically empty to fill it with my own happiness. I am happy that I was not aware of the stand fee that day. Otherwise, how else would I have made such a big profit?

Mualla, at this point, you need to stop adding content to your essay. It is as perfect and informative as it can be at this point. Don't try to meet the full word count. That is not the point of the essay. Keeping it short but informative helps to make the reader remember some important parts of your essay. If you present too much, sometimes irrelevant or unnecessary information just because you want to meet the word count, then you end up messing up the presentation of your essay. Don't over analyze the content of your essay. It is good to go at this point. Don't worry about anything else. The prompt topic is well responded to and represented in your essay. Be proud of the work that you did. Submit it and relax. You have done everything that you can possibly do to polish and make the essay impressive to the reviewer.

***Some people think when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions.*** ## The Job Recruitment Process It is the opinion of some views that the recruitment process is aimed for selecting the person who has the certain personality such as an innovative thinking and easy to work individually or the individual who can competent to finish his/her works by work team and can obey the rules of his/her jobs. This essay will first discuss why the company needs to hire an innovative and independent candidate compared with the candidate who can give the best performance through teamwork and follow the instructions. Firstly, there are several reasons why the company needs the people who have an innovative thinking. As we know, each company often be demand for continuing their business which proper to follow the change of the latest era and sometimes they must understand the movement of the market. Thus, the corporate extremely need the employees who can produce the new idea that able to tackle their issues. Usually, the other criteria of an innovative person are they able to work as an individual or unnecessary to obtain fully command of their supervisors. Secondly, several conditions in company sometimes need the employee who able to create the good relationship in work or it means that they can manage their works by including all of the employees in the company to participate in a certain assignment. Generally, the people who have this typical would be easier to handle the complex task in a shorter time because they will be dominance in persuading their co-workers. According to my perspective, actually, I think both of criteria have the same importance to the company. Hence, the company should hire the people who not only can be as the creator of the new idea but also need for hiring the people who have the ability to manage the team effectively. However, the massive company occasionally is built by the employee who can handle the tricky issue with their novelty idea and accompanied by the solid teamwork inside them. All in all, personally I agree and support that both of the requirement which had mentioned above really important for the stabilization of the company. (349 words)

Sarlinda, there is a common problem among the IELTS test reviewers that the term "according to me" or "according to my perspective", is an acceptable academic phrase. That is not so and you have just committed the same grammatical error. The term that you base this on is "According to..." which, by definition means any one of the following: *In agreement or accord with: according to his judgment; on the authority of; as stated or reported by.* As you can see from the definition of the phrase, there is absolutely no way that you can say "according to my perspective" in this essay. Mainly because you cannot agree with your own judgement / point of view / perspective nor state or report something as a secondary source of information because you are the actual source of the information. The use of the term has to do with referring to other sources of information. Therefore, it is just plain grammatically wrong for you to say "According to my perspective". The proper term that you should have used was "In my opinion" , , or "That is why I believe", maybe even "This is why I conclude that..." The phrases that refer to your personal opinion in a more academically correct and acceptable manner are endless. Just stop using the wrong term for it because it does not show more complex vocabulary use nor grammatical range accuracy. Rather, it shows a lack of understanding of the English vocabulary, lexical meaning, and grammatical impropriety of your essay skills.

Hello everyone, hope someone could check this for me. the graph is attached. ## Money allocation in the UK The table compares the percentage of income that adults and children spent on four different categories in the UK in the year 1998. It is clear that adults spent the largest proportion of their income on food, while for children the most spending went for music. Spending on videos was by far the lowest for adults. Overall adults spent 25% of their income on food which is the highest spending among adults, the figure was considerably different in terms of gender, at 39% for women and only 14% for men; whereas, the children spent only 10% of their income on food. By contrast, the largest proportion of income spending among children was on music at 39% with a slight disparity between boys and girls; spending on music for adults was 5% for both men and women. It can be seen that women had the lowest percentage of spending on videos and on electric equipment at 0.5% and 1% of income respectively. These figures for men was rather higher at 2% on videos and 10% on electrical equipment. At the same time, the proportion of spending by children electrical equipment was 23% while 12% of their income went to videos. *

Ali, when you write the summary overview of the chart, make sure to represent all of the sectors indicated in the chart. That means you have to also give a summary description for the men, women, boys, and girls in order to make the summary accurate and truly a paraphrased presentation of the chart. The rest of the paragraphs that inform the reader about the detailed portions of the chart are very much acceptable as you gave a straightforward presentation of the information provided. However, you could have tried to make the paragraphs more interesting by creating sentence statements instead of using semicolons throughout the paragraph. Remember, there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph and I count only 2 sentences in some of your presentations. Finally, the last paragraph should have been better worded in order to present it as the concluding statement of the paragraph. You could simply have started by saying "Finally, the chart indicates that...". That would have been an acceptable method of properly closing the summary essay.

**Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing，while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.?** ## Young, fresh government In some countries, the youth is becoming to occupy the key positions in the government. While there are some arguments that they are not suitable enough, I support that they should hold these positions is more beneficial. On the one hand, some people think that it is not reasonable for the young to take the main posts. Firstly, many older people agree that they lack the necessary qualifications to have such important positions. In some Eastern countries, most of the older man, especially the middle-aged, run their systems of the government and solve their economy or foreign affairs of state. Secondly, the youth is also short of real experiences and this leads to their making mistakes that affect many people's lives. In some particular ways, their characters such as the hot- tempered could make them hard to success in their management. On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that the youth plays a pivotal role in our government. One reason is that they have full of creative and look at problems with modern views. These result in the new trends of their control as well as policy ideas. In some developing countries, they have tendencies to substitute technology equipment for old time-consuming working. Furthermore, the younger has more time and chances to have a valuable contribution than the older does. For examples, with the same abilities or qualifications, a young candidate could be more likely to be elected than an older counterpart because of his longer time for devotion to the public service. In conclusion, although there are some strong arguments for both views it seems to me that it is better for more young people to be selected for the important positions in our government.

Ngoc, you have discussed the two points of view in the essay and yet you have failed to support either side with your personal opinion on the matter. As you can read from the prompt, you must offer your own opinion of the discussion along with the discussion of the two sides. Therefore, this essay is supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay and not 4 paragraphs. The body of the essay needs to have 3 paragraphs representing the pro, con, and personal opinion discussions. Each side having one paragraph each with which to develop your discussion and line of reasoning. Since your essay is incomplete, this will not receive a very good task accuracy score. The fact that you paraphrasing of the prompt discussion is also a bit hard to understand means that there is a lack of comprehension skills on your part and you do not have ample or simple abilities to properly explain your understanding of what you have read in English. Basically, this essay will not get a very good overall score due to the existing problems within it.

## Urbanization is a modern disease Nowadays, people from rural area are moving to the cities which are well developed for their need and better career options but some people living in the rural place are studying and planning to urbanize the place. In my opinion, there are two ways for every matter. People try to move to the cities for better career growth and some to get the infrastructure and the requirement for there home town. People from different countries around the world move to the urbanized places as there to chose their career options as they don't get the required amount of infrastructure like example: for developing their computer skill they don't have the internet facilities, study class rooms etc. They even try to get involve with the people to learn discipline like respecting others, their behaviour, their living style etc. Again, different people have their own taste of learning. At the same time, people who look forward to get better infrastructure and make their own home to be urbanized. They look forward to get better study classes, hospitalisation, banking facilities, digital utilization for betterment of people which make their time and money save. They even try to bring the better career options for the people live in the rural place to explore their knowledge in a specific field and provide more career options which helps them to develop their own infrastructure. In conclusion, urbanization has become a modern disease for people who are studying the requirement for their own people and making an identity around the countries or in the world. Thank you

Vittal, I would gladly show you how to reach a band score of 7 using this essay. However, I cannot do that if you do not provide me with the prompt that you are trying to respond to. The grading of the essay, per band section, is based upon the prompt requirements. I will not be able to show you how to improve this essay if you don't give me the instructions that you are being asked to follow in the discussion of the essay topic. Kindly provide me with the complete prompt requirement as soon as you can so that I can properly assess your essay discussion for prompt responsiveness and grammar issues. You have written an acceptable essay at this point. As an ordinary essay, without scoring and knowing the prompt, I would say you did a good job. The final verdict of the essay though, only comes after we analyze the way you presented your prompt discussion. Sorry about that. I'll wait for the prompt instructions that you were given then give you a score and advice as to how to reach a 7 band score.

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I would like to have some feedback on my practice essay for IELTS Writing Task 2. I am going to take the test next month and my target score is band 7, but I feel that I do really need to put some extra work into my writing skill. Thank you very much for sparing a few minutes of your time. Topic: ## Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Essay: Transportation is so vital that a country's progress can be observed just by looking at how developed the transportation system it has. There are two choices when it comes to land transportation, which are railways and roads. While there are advantages to both options, I mostly agree that governments should invest more on railways rather than roads. This is due to the fact that railways are more reliable and and efficient, which makes it a better long-term investment. With good maintenance and management, railways offer better reliability compared to roads. Take Japan for example, they have the most complicated railway system in the world while still being able to offer time precision on the order of seconds. On the other hand, roads are more susceptible to jamming when subjected to high volume of traffic. Reliability is one of the most important measure to see how worthy a transportation system is. Without reliability there is no certainty, which means people cannot plan ahead their schedules. That is a disaster for industries whose projects success rely on timing. Fresh food suppliers, for example, highly depend on the reliability of its distribution network to make sure their goods arrive at the hand of their customers timely. Other than being more reliable, railways are also more efficient compared to roads in the long run. Trains can transport more loads with less fuel and manpower which is better in economic and environmentally sense. This applies especially for electrical trains which power comes from renewable energy sources. Furthermore, considering the side effect of pollution that car brings in cities, railways are obviously the way to go for urban transportation. Roads are more suitable to connect destinations with less traffic. However, as the world population increases and people are becoming more concentrated in urban areas, I think governments should build more railways rather than roads in the future.

Ardian, you are more than ready to take the IELTS test. As amazing as it sounds, I do believe that you can score even higher than a 7 in the actual test. I will be a minimalist here and say that I would give you a score of 8 in the overall IELTS band score. While there were minimal problems with your grammar accuracy and lexical resource, it was so negligible that it did not detract from the essay at all. Your task accuracy was impeccable. You managed to create a more than accurate and impressive task accuracy presentation of the paraphrased prompt and also provided a highly intelligent discussion of the prompt. Your knowledge shows a clear understanding of the prompt and the evidence provides the clear realization that you have more than acceptable English comprehension skills. Give yourself a pat on the back. You are prepared to take the test.

In the first paragraph, Pollan explains how there are few fences and hedges in suburban America and therefore lawn plays a role as civil responsibility. At the end of the first paragraph, Pollan makes a bold claim by saying that The American lawn is an egalitarian conceit. This seems to be a far-fetched opinion, so it will be discussed later in this essay. In the second paragraph, Pollan describes how lawn in America is a symbol of public consensus, then abruptly moves on to a seemingly irrelevant topic of how lawn is detrimental to the environment: Pollan discusses how maintaining lawns requires more pesticide or herbicide than any other crops do. At the end of the second paragraph, Pollan claims that lawns show how skewed the relationship is between the American people and land; people can bend nature to their will. In the last paragraph, instead of expanding his analysis of the social implications derived from lawns in America, he touches on his personal decision, which was to build a split-rail fence and plant a hedge along it. Then he highlights how doing so will make him free and allow him to do whatever he wants to do with his lawn. Pollan's work has both weaknesses and strength. The major weaknesses are digression and hyperbole. Pollan's work consists of many sub-topics without proper transition words or phrases. That makes the work look as if it was merely a compilation of writing pieces from different sources. One example can be found in between the second paragraph and the third paragraph. In the second paragraph, Pollan discusses how lawn is the symbol of consensus in suburban America but how growing lawn can be damaging to the environment. Then in the third chapter, he says that he came to a decision to build fences and stop cutting his lawn. To readers, it is unclear how he came to such decision. Another weakness in the essay was hyperbole. By hyperbole, it means that he made a claim that was rather far-fetched and lacked evidence or reasoning. For example, in the first paragraph, Pollan claims that the American lawn is an egalitarian conceit. Pollan did provide the confused readers with its implication, which was that there is no reason to hide behind the fences because they all were middle class. It is quite unclear how he came to that claim from the fact that there were few fences and hedges in suburban America. The lack of fences and hedges in suburban America could have come from the social trust among neighbors, not from the belief that they were all equal because they came from the same class. In addition, just because some people live in the same neighborhood in a suburban setting does not mean that they are all middle class. To be able to present such a bold claim, Pollan would need more concrete statistical evidence. Despite the weaknesses presented above, Pollan's essay has its strength in that it could boost people's awareness of how detrimental growing lawn can be to the environment. As presented in the second paragraph, Pollan maintains that people in the suburban America are poisoning themselves by using enormous amount of herbicides and pesticides for maintaining their lawn. The gravity of the situation was further demonstrated by adding on to it the fact that lawns receive more pesticide and herbicide per acre than any crop grown in the country. People who have read Pollan essay will either try to use more organic care products for their lawns or even reconsider the whole idea of growing lawn if they just bought their houses. In conclusion, Pollan's essay could grow the awareness among people of how growing lawn can be damaging to the environment. In spite of that, in an attempt to do so, Pollan made mistakes of being digressive and making far-fetched and possibly misleading assumptions. To remedy the situation, Pollan could work on adding more transition sentences in between the paragraphs or even within a paragraph so that the flow of logic is continuous. For example, Pollan could excise the last two sentences in the second paragraph; Pollan tries to introduce a new topic, but it is irrelevant to and somehow contradicts the argument presented right before it; if he wanted to introduce a new topic like such, then he should make another paragraph and add more explanations. It would be more logical and seamless to instead discuss how he came to the decision to build fences and hedges and not cut his lawn. Also, as mentioned above, when it comes to making a sharp and rather debatable comment such as the one presented at the end of the first paragraph, Pollan needs to acknowledge that some readers can disagree to such unilateral claim. Hence, Pollan could have paraphrased the last sentence with a more open-ended sentence such as "Some people believe that less of fences or hedges represents the about the same level of economic capability."

In the first paragraph, you cannot make a statement and then say that you will discuss it later in the essay. Each comment that you make must be immediately discussed with supporting facts in order to prove the validity of your claim. That is not to say that you cannot circle back later on in the essay, specifically when you reach the concluding statement, and reiterate the claim that you made in the previous paragraphs. Wrap up the review with a solid summary and final opinion of the overall paper. Since you discussed the essay in chronological order, the given understanding is that you have discussed the essay in a logical manner. After all, you did not deviate from the logical order of discussion as presented by the essay that you read. Therefore, your concern should not be with regards to the logic of your discussion but rather, the validity of the discussion that you are presenting as a criticism of Pollan's work. My opinion is that you have presented an acceptable discussion, when based upon the logical concept. The criticism, could have been better expanded at certain points, but that would actually depend upon the word limit your professor provided at the start of the essay.

I know this is quite a long essay to check.. but my exam is in six days and this is really important to me. Could somebody read the question and my essay and tell me what I can do to improve my skills for exams like this? Thank you! -copied text removed- Both of the passages talk about whether people have rights to own, and if they do, how they achieve the right to own. The first passage talks about a man and acorns and apples. Locke suggests that he can be the rightful owner of the acorns and apples since nobody can deny the ownership of the nourishments from the nature. On the other hand, the second passage delivers a rather more active and point and underscores that the earth is for everybody; therefore, one can claim that something is his or hers as long as it does not affect the ownership of another entity. It even dubs the earth a great theater for the mankind, and maintains that one can claim the ownership of something as long as doing so does not hurt anybody. Owning a property is a quintessential part of human culture. To make a bald claim, it is now taken for granted that one wants to and is supposed to acquire ownership of properties, whether it is physical or not. The example provided in the first passage is of a rather simplistic nature, where an individual or entity with desire for ownership of apples and acorns can simply achieve his or her goal by picking them up. There is not much to debate about in this situation, because it involves a setting where there is rarely any competition for the acorns and the apples. As John Stuart Mill has said before, one should be able to do whatever he or she wants to do as long as it does not involve harming anybody. If there is any competition about some apples and acorns, one can simple move to another part of the nature unless he or she has some fixation about the exact shapes of apples or acorns. Compared to the first passage, the second passage provides a rather biblical idea of ownership of property. First, it claims that the earth is given to men for the purposes of life. Then, it claims something that renders itself rather conspicuous throughout the entire analysis of ownership. It claims that anyone can be entitled to own something on the earth, but, it adds one condition, which is the power and understanding of men. As both of the passages claimed, the earth, despite the fact that every part of the earth is increasingly being privatized and owned by global entities, is for human. That is not to say that humans can ruthlessly expropriate the earth, but that humans can acquire resources from the earth for his or her needs for happiness and survival. Then the problem is that the earth is becoming global at an accelerated rate, and that means that there will be more conflicts among humans who will claim ownership. That brings us to the topic of ownership of residual property, and it will be examined in details in the following The ownership of residual property is an essential part of economics, politics, and so on. As clarified the assumption with a man in the nature picking up acorns and apples and the idea of an ancient man going to a theater and occupying an empty seat, claiming ownership of something that is unoccupied is considered proper with a condition that doing so won't hurt others. Then what about a situation where one already has enough for himself or herself and he or she wants to own more? Should that be considered moral and taken for granted, or is it imperative to shed some more light on it and deal with it with a different perspective? The latter seems more proper, for the nature of the two circumstances aforementioned differ greatly from each other. To be able to criticize the unequal ownership of residual property, one first needs to recognize the cause of existence of such inequality. The inequality rises from the arbitrary interpretation of the conditions under which one can claim something as his or hers. For example, the author of the first passage asks a rhetorical question of whether needs the consent of all mankind to be acknowledged as the rightful owner of the acorns and apples. It was quite obvious that the question was simply rhetorical and the opposite was what the author wanted to claim. With such mentality or interpretation, mixed with the inherent human needs for dominance and acquisition, it is only a matter of time before some people claim the ownership of more than what he or she needs. As mentioned in the second passage, men with more power and better understanding of the social system are considered to be entitled for ownership of the residual property. Such phenomenon might seem harmless since the whole debate is about "residual" property, not something that other people already owned. As mentioned in the second passage, those who advocate being able to claim residual property might claim that doing so does not really harm anybody because it is still unoccupied. But the uncomfortable fact here is that just like there are some people with stronger power and better understanding of the social system, there are bound to be some others with less power and weaker understanding of the social system. Therefore, while there are some people who claim ownership of more than they need, there must be some others that claim, if they do, less than what they would need for their needs for survival and happiness. Therefore, we need to make sure that there are a plenty of residual property preserved for those who are slow at claiming the ownership of what they need. Quoting the circumstance mentioned in the second passage, just because there are some empty seats available before the performance started, that does not mean that those who are already at the theater can claim the rest of the empty seats for themselves, because there could be some latecomers. In conclusion, the ownership of property can be justified using the ideas presented in the two passages; people are entitled to claim ownership of something for their survival and happiness, just like the man in the forest picking up unclaimed acorns and apples. Despite that, more careful approach should be taken when it comes to verifying the validity of claiming ownership of residual property. In spite of its seemingly simplistic nature, the idea of being able to claim something without hurting anybody is more restrictive than it looks. For example, claiming an empty seat at a theater and then claiming other seats in the theater might seem harmless at the moment, but it could do great harm to others in the long term; some people might come late and claim those seats later. Therefore, the ownership of residual property should be shunned and only be allowed in a situation where it is certain that doing so won't cause harm to anybody.

John, it would seem to me that you are already prepared to take the test. Now, keep in mind that I am not a professional who has an in-depth knowledge and understanding of this particular class. However, the discussion this time around is even clearer than your first because you have already clearly defined the discussion per passage. By the way, in the first paragraph you mention the first passage as "page" always refer to it as a passage because your keyword is important in the essay. That said, the third paragraph is running a bit long again. Always remember to divide the paragraphs into topics. That way the person reading the essay can easily follow the information being presented. I would have divided the paragraph at the point where you begin to discuss inequality. That is obviously a new topic for discussion so it should have a stand alone paragraph. That way the stress on the eyes of the reader is reduced as well.

## economic progress is just a part of success Economic development are thought by governments is their most significant aim (target) in modern world. However, in my opinion, while governments concentrate on economic progress they can overlook other not less important types of progress for a country. There are many various types of development which require for success of a country such as social or environmental. For instance, governments have to attempt to raise an amount of doctors per person in order to reduce the number of illnesses or deaths and eventually to increase life expectancy in a county. However the wages of the new doctors raise country costs and when any government considers economic progress as its main goal it will reject idea of hiring new doctors. So governments should pay attention on all sorts of development due to their equal vital roles. On the other hand government is only elected persons who have to implement goals of most people in a country. Consequently, when majority vote for improving economic conditions, it becomes the most significant aim of the country, while some people wish solving of different problems. To conclude, although economic progress achieving is very challenging goal, it also may distract people from other areas. And if we don't want to create imbalance in intensions of our governments we should to raise problems of other spheres. I look forward to hearing your feedbacks))

Dimitry, I am not sure about how to review your essay. That is because you used the full prompt for the title instead of giving a creative title to your essay and then placing the full prompt in the message box instead. So at this point, we have only a partial prompt in the title box, which doesn't offer us much guidance when it comes to reviewing your prompt for task accuracy. Without a proper assessment of your task accuracy, it will be next to impossible to accurately score your cohesiveness and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. Is there a chance that you can provide the complete prompt as soon as you can so that we can review your essay based on the prompt parameters? You can't expect an accurate review of your essay if we can't access the prompt requirements.

**Some believe advertisement is useful and informative. Others think it is false and only helps to raise prices. Discuss both views and give your opinion.** People have different views about adverts. While some argue that advertisements are valuable, I believe that they are useless and only create demand for products. One the one hand, there are several reasons why advertisements can be seen as helpful. The main reason is that commercials inform us of new commodities. Without adverts it would be difficult for people to know about cutting-edge, useful products on the market, and it also might be challenging for companies to tell customers about their products. Another key benefit is that advertising creates massive job opportunities. In other words, advertising is a creative industry that employs many people. A final point to consider is that advertising is considered to be a form of modern art. In spite of the above arguments, I agree with those who believe that adverts are false and useless. Firstly, advertising manipulates people in a negative way. In other words, it aims to persuade people that buying a product will make them happier. Secondly, children can easily be attracted by advertisements. As a result, they put pressure on their parents to buy them things that are very expensive, useless or even harmful. Finally, adverts market unhealthy and dangerous products in an attractive way. Energy drinks, for example, are advertised as being able to boost your energy and make you feel alert, while the reality is that their side effects are downright damaging. In conclusion, it seems to me that advertisements are more likely to be deceptive rather than informative.

Mohammed, I am of the opinion that you are very well prepared to take the IELTS at this point. Why do I say that? I base that comment on the fact that, even with the minimal grammatical errors in your current essay, you have managed to present an overall ability in all 4 basis for the scores to land only the second 7 score that I have ever given to an IELTS reviewer at this forum. In all honesty, you can score a 7 in each aspect of the scoring rubic if you continue to present such impressive essays. I have only one criticism of your current essay though. You have a tendency to use English slang in a formal essay set up. Always use the full term for a word, do not use the slang reference or shortcuts. The word I am specifically referring to in this essay is the word advertisement which you constantly shorten to the term advert. Don't do that in formal academic writing it shows laziness on your part when it comes to using proper lexical sources.

Please anyone can help me with this Task 2 essay. **Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?** my answer: It is obviously that we depending on technology in every aspect of our modern life. Human relationships are one of them; it has both sides positive and negative effects and that what we will discuss in this essay. Firstly, new technologies like smartphones and the internet have a direct effect at people interaction with each other. Applications like WhatsApp and Facebook are cheap and easy to use; everyone can send photos and voice messages and chat with anyone in the world. Moreover, businessmen can have a meeting on Skype for instance and each one in a different country. Education has a new path with these technologies. Virtual universities and education institutions have theirs platform on the cyber, so many students can have certificates and many skills and up-to-date knowledge from their rooms. Teachers and students can have online lessons so that give a diversity for everyone to expand their choice of learning. Secondly, new technology has another face. The most effect is isolating people from each other and leak in real interaction in general. For example, many young people prefer to have new friends through the internet rather than contact with their peers in the real world. That has a big result in their personality like fear from face to face conversation and physical activities which learn more skills with real friends. Physical problems can occur with lot of time at devices screens, many professional doctors are warning from eyes and body diseases which will be the number one among young people. In conclusion, we have to depend on technology which makes our life easier, but we have to use it in a proper way.

Jone, your overall score for this essay could be a 5 in terms of task accuracy. That is because the essay prompt clearly asked you to pick either a negative or a positive side to discuss in the essay. Instead, you opted to discuss both sides which meant that you did not really understand how you were being asked to choose just one topic to discuss. Next, your paraphrased prompt was not as close to the original prompt in explanation as it could have been. It is also too short as it is less than 3 sentences in presentation. All of these factors combined to lower your task accuracy to a 5. Cohesiveness and coherence shows your potential to improve in scoring. Your presentation could score between a 5 and a depending upon the other considerations that the examiner will have in considering your discussion presentation. Lexical Resource, could also range within a 5 or 6 because did try to use some uncommon words and the mistakes that you had in using the words did not really make it difficult to understand what you had to say. Grammar accuracy and range would also be scored a 6 at the most because your essay was not difficult to comprehend even as you tried to display your simple and complex grammar skills. Overall, I believe that your bandwidth score would be a 6. Next time, make sure to address the task as indicated in the prompt. Try to learn how to identify when you should discuss one or two sides in an essay. That will help to increase your task accuracy score and your overall bandwidth results.

Guys I need your 2cents on this argumentative essay **Factories not stadiums, is what we need. Do you agree?** While some people would argue that the factories cause pollution, however their existence serve more in society than do the stadiums. Factories play a major role in terms of providing us with the needed products we daily use, wear etc...) that is to say manufacturing is central to our modern life. We can tell of their importance in the example of self-manufacturing businesses rather than importing from big companies which find the benefit of it in every deal. Factories in fact are way more significant, and it is clear that the part the factories contribute with to help solve the unemployment issue is undeniable. The best example in light of this issue is; the foreign companies which set up successful production businesses creating more jobs to help thousands of thousands of people. As a result, the economic growth rises, and so the country's situation improves to flourish. In spite of the positives the factories come with, they could pose a big problem to society just as would the stadiums do with the unreasonable, extravagant investments. So the factories are indeed pollutants, they cause a huge environmental pollution problem by acidifying rain, chemical spills and disposal of toxic waste. A one example explains it, is of the greenhouse gases from the burning of fossil fuels which terribly is the source of the pollution harming. It has been shown that the factories' contribution to society is more worthy as opposed to the stadiums which do not come with much to society. On the other hand, factories are a danger that threatens the stability of society with the massive pollution problem.

Azeddine, Somehow I don't feel like you posted the complete prompt along with the essay. The reason that i say that is because your paraphrased presentation of the topic is extremely short. Therefore, it does not accurately deliver the pertinent information necessary to consider your paraphrasing complete. It should be at least 3 sentences long to be considered even remotely a complete restatement of the prompt. You only have one sentence. The problem with that statement is obvious. Watch your punctuation. Do not use etc. and ellipses in formal and academic writing. That is a violation of writing etiquette and shows a lack of professionalism on your part. If you must, mention 3 related points and then end the sentence. Never use "etc." Another thing, what is with that rogue parent in the second paragraph? You did not bother to proof read this before you submitted it did you? You have to make proof reading and editing second nature to you when writing these essays. Specially when your passing a test relies on it as in this case. Your argument regarding the lack of need for stadiums could have been better presented if you had bothered to develop the paragraph that supported that stance in a separate paragraph. By including it in the discussion of the warehouses, you did not really give the reader a chance to get to know the other side of the argument. Thus creating a lopsided discussion that was more slanted towards your chosen position. This does not allow the reader an educated opportunity to decide which side he would like to support. Basically, the essay could have been better developed and presented. I have offered you some comments that you should keep in mind as you develop your writing skills with your upcoming essays. I hope to continue to see improvement in your written work as the days go on.

**I was just writing on this to produce an article on the topic. What do you think about the title and is it a very good article?** Title of Article: ## THE CAREER WOMAN A career woman is a woman who takes pride in her career, who chooses to work and often who is successful at her job. Career women may face gender inequality in the work place, as well as occupational sexism. This may take the form of a gender pay gap, or like a "glass ceiling" that prevents them from rising to the upper rungs of the corporate ladder. I respect career women a lot because they go through a lot in order to support their families. They face discrimination mostly at jobs perceived to be for men like civil engineering and so on. In some countries and cultures, it is a taboo for a woman to aspire to work or be more successful than the man. Like in Nigeria for example, girls are mostly brought up to aspire to marriage, be good wives, good mothers and world class cooks for their husbands and in most cases be the house keeper (doing all the chores). I was on a trip to Abuja (Northern Nigeria) and I decided to spend a day in an urban area where most people living there cannot afford 3 square meals a day. As I was observing a particular family of 5 kids, the youngest daughter who is around the age of 10 saw an airplane fly over and she was like, "I will have 3 planes, 1 for my personal use and 2 for my company". Her father instead of encouraging her to work towards her dream, shut her up in a harsh manner and sent her inside to wash plates and clean the house making a parting statement "better go and learn how to cook very well and be a good wife" still on his way out, he gave the son who is a year older than his daughter and was outside playing soccer with his friends a 'high five'. From the view of what happened here, the father discouraged the daughter from aspiring towards a career of owning her own company. When I made further enquiries, I found out the boy attended school and the girl did not attend school rather she is at home all day cooking,washing,cleaning and looking after her baby sister aspiring to be a good wife and mother. Most men feel threatened by the woman having long time beliefs that a woman must be under a man and that is why something like the "gender pay gap" exists. You will see a man and a woman working for the same corporation, both at the same level performing equal work and the man gets paid more than the woman or the woman will be qualified to rise to the position of a CEO but she will never be promoted to that position. In the United States, the average females unadjusted annual salary has been cited as 78% of that of the average male. When we think of gender, we often think of male or female; that's only half of understanding gender. When considering gender, we often encounter bias, both intentional and unintentional, and implicit or explicit. We may have presumptive judgements or opinions about genders that differ from our own, which are often the result of our own upbringing. I believe that we have to get rid of this thick glass ceiling between genders and there should be equal pay for equal work. Most people allow some myths about career women to cloud their judgement. Myths like: ~ working women are bad mothers: we all know one woman who does not work and is a bad mother. Career women can be good mothers and excellent role models to their children. ~ women are bad bosses: most people would say they would prefer a male boss to a female one. Some will give reasons like women lack leadership qualities needed at the top. Women are good bosses. Like Amy Gutmann, President of University of Pennsylvania one of the best president the University has ever had and loved by many at UPENN. ~ career women don't have kids or like kids: there are lots of career women who like kids and even have kids of their own. ~ his career is more important than yours: there are lots of women who have given up their careers to be a stay at home full time mum. Like in my example, the father through his actions tells the girl that her brothers career is more important than hers. This is a lie, his career is not more important than yours. You have the right to have a career. ~ business is for boys: another lie. A woman can be a good business woman. We know lots of women who have big businesses and own fortune 500 companies. ~ career women don't have time for their families: you can be the President of World Bank or own a big company and still attend your son or daughters sports games,eat dinner with your family, put your kids to bed,help them with their homework and spend quality time with your husband. Women can be good CEO's,Presidents,Engineers,Pilots,Wives,Mothers and so on. We should always support girls and women who aspire to careers. We should support their ambitions and not torture them. We should not give them the message that if they are ambitious, they will be punished. If they focus on career, no man will have them. And if they marry, they will never have children. And if they have kids, they will ruin their kids. We should support women to make choices, to be hard-working employers and employees. There should be equality of both sexes. And yes I am a feminist. Thank You! #supportacareerwomantoday #genderequality #careerwomenaregoodmothers

Go ahead and use my suggested title and topic if you wish to Chizaram. I am glad that I was able to be of help to you. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or if you are uncertain about something. I will be here to assist you in whatever capacity I can. I would be honored if you would use the title I gave you. Here is another suggestion if you don't mind. Try to find the top 3 feminists in Nigeria and make sure to work them into your report. That way you can show that feminism in on the rise and is very much active in the Nigerian career scene. It is pivotal that you also show a short history of women's rights and their treatment in your country throughout the ages. If there is a particular date that is relevant to the women's rights movement there, make sure to include it in your report. Remember, the history of the feminist movement is just as important as discussing is current status in Nigeria. History will be the basis of your modern outlook in this case. Good luck with your article. I look forward to reading it.

Writing Practice for TOEFL IBT Preparation This is the instruction for writing section : **Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.** And this is my essay. (Introduction) A lot of businesses are using varieties of methods to let people know and attracted to their products. The common and fastest way to do it is by television advertising. It is a favorite methods for many business because it can reach millions of people just showing for 10 seconds. However, businessman should be selective in choosing their target audience especially to children. From my opinion, young children who aged between two to five should not be the target of such advertising. (First reason) Young children don't have enough consideration to decide what is right and what is wrong. If they like it, then they would want it despite the disadvantages that can happen to them. It is because they don't know what disadvantages can possibly happening to them. A four year old kid is happy to grab a handful of gummy bear candy everyday he passed through a mini mart. The boy likes it because the sweetness and the texture of the candy but he doesn't know that by consuming it too much can lead corrosive teeth and high sugar level in his blood. (Second reason) Young children can't control their impulse. They will cry aloud when something they want to is prohibited or taken away from them. It is because at the time they only act according to impulse. If they want something they must have it. They won't listen to explanations. (Third reason) The thinking pattern of young children is still developing. By accepting a particular ideas, can shape it the wrong way. Many years ago there is a new reported that a boy jumped out of window because he want to fly like a superhero he watched on TV. Children learn from mimicking and it is dangerous if any of actions displayed in the advertising was performed by the children without any parental guidance. (Conclusion) Advertising should be responsibly shown only to particular target audiences who can make decision for their selves. Young children aren't in this category because their behaviors are influenced solely of interest and not knowing the consequences. I really appreciate your advice on my essay. Thank you in advance.

Hi Veronica. This essay is well thought out, has understandable reasons, and shows that you gave a great deal of thought to the examples that can best support your opinion of the given topic. I must tell you that I feel you could easily get a 4, at the very least, on this essay. There are some points that can be elaborated upon a lot more, such as the reason why you feel that the temper tantrum a child throws in an effort to get what he wants makes targeted advertising a bad thing. Considering that the only objective of the advertisement is to make a sale, regardless of how that sale happens. Overall though, the essay is well organized. Just don't outline your essay in this particular format during the actual test. This format is only applicable for the first few practice essays as you try to memorize how to best develop the paragraphs. Don't make it habit to always write in this format. While there are some grammatical issues in the essay, these are negligible enough because it does not detract or change the message of the sentence that it is contained in. You should be pretty proud of the way you developed this essay. You are really off to a good start. I hope to see more of your writing, with improvements, over the coming days.

**GRE-Issue University should require every student to take a variety of courses outside of the student's field of study. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.** *Thank you very much for your comments and modifications!* As institutions to cultivate people who will step into the society soon, universities always face the issue that how to better prepare students for their live and job in the future. Some people believe that a variety of courses outside the student's field of study could broaden their perspective and skills for a future career. Others think taking classes that beyond the areas of students' research is helpless for their jobs. While, I agree that it is essential for college students to focus on accumulating knowledge and skills in their fields of study. Gaining knowledge of different areas to understand the world we live in is also necessary. Moreover, extensive knowledge will promote students' horizon and capacity to have successful careers and lives. When students step into the all-encompassing society, they will face different kinds of issues as citizens. People who have received education in various fields will adapt to the society more quickly. Learning the Humanities is not wasting time for students who major in science and technology. Taking classes such as politics and economy will allow them to understand current issues of the society that influence their research and daily life. For instance, every citizen of United States will participate the presidential election. To evaluate the ability of the candidates, one has to understand the politics these candidates will execute in education, economy, diplomacy, and infrastructure. Classes of the economy, politics and history would help students to apprehend the issue of the society comprehensively and make their decision rationally. Likewise, students in humanity college will also benefit from classes of science and technology. These classes would be conducive for people to explain some phenomenon in our life scientifically. Requiring students to take courses in different areas is an efficient way to training outstanding citizens for better society. Research in various fields would also supplement each other, Take classes in other disciplines would inspire students to have innovation ideas. Take the studying of fashion design and computer science as an example. By learning interactive technology, Fashion designers could create smart clothes that possess various performance other than fabulous outlook. They could take advantage of a computer program and light sensor to create an interactive system attached to dress. Luminous devices would change colors with the light changing of environment. On the other hand, People who major in computer science also could combine fashion design into their research. For those who are studying 3D-fitting technology, learning fashion design will help them understand the relationship between three-dimensional body sharp and two-dimensional parts of clothes so that they could develop a more accurate program. In this respect, taking classes in disciplinary areas will promote the research of the student's fields. While some people argue that courses that out of the students' areas of research are helpless for their career. In fact, many positions in today's society require candidates have transdisciplinary experience because it is crucial for teamwork. Team members would understand each other's idea easily. A good example is the design process of cell phones. To develop a useful and beautiful mobile phone, professionals in different areas have to cooperate very well. Product designer needs to learn the function of every technical component of a cell phone, materials that could be used to achieve the appearance. It is also necessary for technicians to understand the design idea to solve the technical problems. Additionally, designers and technicians should know behavioral psychology to produce cell phones that are easy to use. University is a great place for students to accumulate disciplinary knowledge and skills that would be contributory to their career development. Besides, students who only consider the benefits for a future job as the primary value of the courses is shortsighted. The significance of college education is more than vocational training. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that university should require every student to take courses in different categories. The benefits for students' academic research, career path and value of life that they gain from these classes would remain forever. Educating students to be versatile is also valuable to flourish the society.

Sun, you did very well for yourself in terms of developing your discussion essay. However, you were prevented from developing a satisfactory explanation of your argument because of your difficulty in using English syntax and vocabulary. The grammar was quite problematic in the sense that, although you are using the right term, you are not properly defining the context of the word in the manner of your use. Don't get me wrong though, you adequately displayed a critique o the argument along with an acceptable presentation of effective writing. That is why you could probably get a score that starts at the baseline of 4 with this essay. I never score on the increment side because I am not sure about how the actual reviewer would rate the existing problems of the paper. So I always deliver only the base score. As a final word of advice, you need to work on using your transition words in order to create a more cohesive and coherent paragraph discussion. Don't be afraid to use connecting examples whenever possible. Show your full writing abilities at all times. That is the only way to get a higher score on this paper. You just need to practice developing your English sentences. Your sense of logic, understanding, and ability to explain yourself is already there. It just need to be improved upon.

**In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?** Almost every country thinks smoking in public areas as a detrimental issue. The government has enacted some rules regarding this action. I would agree that this way can prevent non-smokers from serious disease. The other is that the authority has built some smoking areas which can reduce this activity. Banning smokers to smoke in public areas such as hospital, school, or bus should be undertaken as non-smokers are hard to breathe near them. This is because there will be bad effects on their health and some disease can occur to them even though they do not smoke. A report from World Health Organisasion experts said that more than 600,000 people including 165,000 children die every year because they stay around people who smoke. Despite this, people should avoid going to places where many smokers stay there. There are also some countries which provide smoking license and allow smoking in some public building. This is because the government has built certain rooms or smoking area that makes smokers can stay in that place without disturbing another people. For instance, Abu Dhabi International Airport terminals are non-smoking buildings which are enclosed smoking lounges and booths in each of the terminals where smokers can enjoy exceptional air quality while having a cigarette there. This results in non-smoking people not be mingled with the active ones. To sum up, providing the law about the limitation of smoke area should be encouraged since it can reduce the harmful effects especially for the people around smokers. To make this happen, the government should provide special rooms for people who smoke since it will not affect the others.

Nur, your task accuracy score is 3. Yes, it is a failing score. Why did you fail? Consider the prompt requirements. The final instruction for you is to discuss whether you agree or disagree that is it fair to have smokers leave a building when they feel the urge to smoke. You did not represent that topic in the opening statement which is supposed to be a paraphrasing and summary of the original instructions given to you for the essay. That is the main focus of the task accuracy requirement. That shows your ability to understand English instructions and you failed to prove that you can do that. You chose to discuss laws that banning smoking in buildings and other facilities rather than presenting your opinion on the topic provided. Failure to properly understand the task requirements has resulted in an overall failure of your essay to comply with all 3 remaining scoring brackets. Therefore, there is no way that this essay would have passed in an actual exam setting. You will have failed this particular portion of the overall test requirements.

## island alterations The maps reveal that the alteration of an island with evolving some tourists facilities. It is important to bear in mind that the resort management build some accommodations and roads in this island, roughly 250 metres in length. A more detailed look in the maps, before developing plenty of leisure facilities, this island is just covered with a few trees with beach in the west. As time goes on, the information center is built in the center of this area. It is by far followed by evolving food court in northern of the reception. The visitors can also make use of vehicle track to reach of the information center or restaurant after arrived at the pier, in the southern of reception. What's more, there are two areas of accommodation, situated to the center of the island and in the west nearby beach. Apart paving the vehicle track, the tourism management also develop footpath to connect the western and eastern residential areas for drawing the visitors to the beach. *

Nina, while you are certainly over the minimum word count of 150 words, you are under the required paragraph count of at least 3. More importantly, your summarized opening statement does not follow the required sentence format either. The main problem with your essay is that you decided to compress all of the illustrated information within the second paragraph when you should have divided the information evenly into 3 paragraphs at least for this essay. There was no lack of material for you to accomplish that task. I guess you just forgot that you had to write this essay that way. Another missing element from your summary is the description of the original island. This should have been presented in better detail in the second paragraph of the essay in order to explain the changes that occurred later on within the premises. The lack of the original description of the island means that you failed to totally understand the illustrations and, you were not really paying attention to the way that the summary should have actually been written.

**Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.[TOEFL]** I disagree with the opinion that says always telling the truth in a relationship is important. For me the statement is very hypothetical and robust. In a relationship,the utmost priority is to be happy with someone you love and care for that person. Caring and bonding often involves and requires harmless lies at several occasions.For example,when there is a bad news like demise of someone closer to a person, the partner may hide telling directly to the face this bitter news initially and just say that there is just an emergency and we need to go to the hospital.After sometime,as the person slowly absorbs the situation,the actual fact can be told. Lies can help in situations that affect the confidence of a person.For example,even if your partner hasnt cooked up a new dish up to the mark,instead of telling what you actually feel,you can simply hide that and just appreciate the efforts he/she put forth in it. On a second thought,the base of a relationship is adjustment and loving the person as he/she is. Always telling the truth about your likings or dislikings towards your partner lead to unnecessary fights and grudges. For example,suppose the girl is worried about how a dress looks due to the weight she has put on recently.So if her partner directly calls her fat which she is actually looking,it will obviously wont lead to anything better. So instead he may soothe things out by just complementing the way she is looking and suggest to lose a few pounds. Thus,even though truth plays an important part in your relationship,the risky fellow should be kept hidden sometimes. Also,always lying will ultimately have a harsh impact on your relationship,a few belign lies here and there help to cherish the relationship on a longer terms.Therefore,always telling the truth is not at all suggested.

Sushant, the first thing you have to do when writing any form of academic essay for a foreign language test, be it IELTS or TOEFL, is that you are required to prove your English comprehension skills in the first paragraph. This is done through the proper paraphrasing of the prompt that you are being asked to discuss. By properly explaining the prompt requirement, with an emphasis on the question and your opinion in the paragraph, the examiner will be able to determine if you have the ability to understand simple English statements and respond to the questions accordingly. Since you did not do anything of the sort in the opening paragraph, you should not expect to get a passing grade in terms of accomplishing the task or task accuracy. The rest of your essay grade will depend largely on how well you represented the prompt and your decision as to how to discuss it. The terms, "hypothetical" and "robust" are not the correct terms to use when describing your opinion of the topic. That mistake alone will cost you points in terms of the Lexical Resource scoring considerations of your essay. Pay particular attention to the words that you use. Your grammatical accuracy score will come from properly using words in the context or meaning that you wish to have a sentence deliver. Using big words will not matter in this essay if you are not using the term properly. Big words used with the wrong meaning will adversely affect your score.

The diagram illustrates heat lost and energy wasted which are happened in a house due to the air circulation. Overall, it can be seen that the heat can lose since there are some ventilation making air gets into and out of the building. There are three floors in the house. First, in the down stair, a dryer vent and crawl space create the air enter the house, while the windows in this floor causes outing the air from the construction. Further, this building has three rooms in the second floor, an electrical outlet in toilet causes air leaving this house. Also, ventilation and windows in the middle room and kitchen have the same function making the air out through chamber. Finally, in the top floor, a great deal of air out from several parts there (bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, recessed lights, and attic hatch). The air getting out of the building causes heat lost and energy wasted. Ref: aireaseleaks.org *

Your paragraphs are too short to be considered an actual summary of the diagram that you were provided with. I do not see how you expect to present a proper summary overview with only 2 sentences used to give a short version of the process involved in air circulation and heat loss. The standard requirement falls under a minimum of 3 sentences so it would be to your benefit to always present the minimum number of sentences per required paragraph. This is a fault that is consistent throughout your essay so you should make sure to correct that problem with your succeeding essays. It isn't hard to do. Just keep reminding yourself that each paragraph needs to show 3 sentences. Sometimes, simply dividing the statement of a single long sentence is enough to meet this requirement. As a point of reference for your future work, I would like you to write the essay first and then refer to other student's work on this forum based on the same topic. Seek out the strongest points of the work of other students and then try to apply their strong points to your own work. The topics written for the practice test do not change so seeing how those before you wrote their work will probably help you improve your work as well. Specially since the comments regarding the weak points of the original poster will be there for you to reference and correct in your current work, if you and the OP have the same problems with your written work that is. In your case, I believe that this will help you improve your writing tremendously.

Hi,as I am preparing for my ielts test, i thought that it would be a good idea to post a thread here.The topic is as follows.Could you asses it in ielts bands as well. If yes , I would be very grateful for this.Thanks in advance. **Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.** -comics -books -radio -television -film -theatre our constant need of communication was always the most prominent part of our cultures and ourselves.Due to this ,we have created a numer of ways to convey our thoughts,convictions or simply some basic information like weather .Some of them derive from the very beginning of our cilivisation like theatre or books.As many years passed, we invented television and radio.Now many of their advantages are under scrutiny, and some people even consider them as drawbacks, which are not up to date with the changing world.In the following essay, I am going to present some of the most prevalent ways of communication and describe their pros and cons. Given books, they give a possibilty of getting knowledge from a numer of sources, not only popular ones that are common because of the fact that a lot of people buy it but also from scientific ones .Apart from this, that seems to be the most trusted way of conveying information;for instance,when it comes to the situation that proven data in needed, almost no one uses television as a trusted source. On the other hand, books are not as handy as tablets or computers that can collect hundreds of volumes ,so much that no one could put into one's bag. the Radio in turn is much more handy than books and can be turned on whenever we are ,and we don't need to focus our whole attention on this to understand the meaning of some audition. Despite this, radio is quite limited in terms of the numer of programmes to listen to, and it is sometimes very hard to find something that I am interested in. Television is the most modern way of communication.It is often regarded as the most common one ,and similarly to the radio we can choose whatever we want .As for the similarities with books , we can pick up some of thousands of hundrends channals so that we may get any information we need. Summing up, All of the given ways of communication contributed to conveying information equally, books in the past,radio in the most recent past and television is now reaching its peak of popularity;neverthless ,television is the most efficient one when we thing over the range of it and how many people use it in comparision to radio and books.

Ignacy, you neglected to represent what I consider to be the key point of the essay prompt. You failed to deliver a statement that represents the best method of communication via the pre-existing media choices. Without that reference to your personal opinion in the essay, your work is incomplete and doesn't totally deliver the task requirements as provided. Therefore, your task accuracy score will be no higher than a 4. The task accuracy, of the method by which you addressed the prompt requirements in totality represents a large part of your score. In fact, if you fail to score at least a 5 in this portion, getting higher scores in the remaining portions will be next to impossible. That is because you have already shown a failure in terms of English comprehension skills. With faulty comprehension skills represented in the essay from the start of the paraphrased opening statement, there is absolutely no way you can get high ratings for the remaining scoring criteria of the essay. While you state in the conclusion that the television is the best way to communicate, you are supposed to present that statement as your personal opinion. It is not part of the conclusion of the essay. Therefore, your task accuracy is tremendously faulty. A proper conclusion should have only summarized the discussion and your opinion at the end. It is not supposed to present your opinion as a final statement.

**As the English language becomes more widespread, some speakers of other languages fear that English loanwords are gradually replacing perfectly adequate native words. To what extent do you believe that people should seek to protect the 'purity' of their language from the influence of English?** There is no doubt that English is becoming increasingly important as a language of international communication in the fields of science, trade, entertainment, and international relations. Not surprisingly, English words have appeared in many other languages throughout the world. Consequently, this has prompted some people to seek to defend their languages from this type of change. In this essay I would like to argue this problem. It is considered by many that the increasing amount of native words replaced by English words will finally lead to the death of the less influential languages. It is obvious that it is unlikely to happen, although it depends on particular occasions. As an example, the dissolution of a language could be caused by demolition of a country of spoken language as a consequence of a global war. Anyways, what is likely to happen is a merge of languages ensued by blending English and native words. In this case, the vocabulary of native language should be protected. However, there are some difficulties, as the English is still considered as a lingua franca for the most of the fields. Looking at from a broad historical perspective particular languages become more or less powerful despite any measures taken to protect them. Most humans accept that impact of dominant languages is simply unconstrained. In my view, all the protection efforts are likely to prove futile. Sooner or later humans it should be conceded that languages change, as all the words of a majority of languages blend or replace each other. Nowadays, English is one of the most spoken languages throughout the world. Obviously, it affects on the other languages in different cases.

Ivan, your paraphrased prompt is incomplete. You were supposed to mention that there are languages that are slowly losing their sense of origin because of the emergence of loanwords from the English language. That is one of the key points for discussion in this essay and should have been properly represented in the paraphrasing. Another problem is that you are arguing a problem in the essay when what you are being asked to do is discuss your "opinion" of the topic. There is a tremendous difference between being asked to discuss the extent of your belief as opposed to "arguing" a problem. This glaring mistake in your task accuracy automatically shows that you did not understand what the prompt is requiring your do in your essay discussion. As such, there is a clear lack of comprehension of the questions posed and instructions given. Therefore, this essay would not have passed the Task Accuracy section and as such, would have automatically failed all of the given scoring criteria for this test. Since I already explained to you that there is a difference between the way that you chose to present the paraphrased prompt and your discussion when compared to the original, I will give you an opportunity to correct your mistake so that you can practice writing the correct response for this type of essay. I will not immediately give you a failing score since this is a practice test and as such, should be considered the training ground for your testing skills and abilities. Come back here with a more proper discussion that is relevant to the prompt and then I will score you on it. I want to be fair to you and give you a chance to redeem yourself for a better practice test score.

Q: **The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house. Summarize the information by reporting there main features and make comparisons where appropriate.** The given diagram illustrates the information the circulation of air in a house and how it reduces heat. It is noticeable that there are several types of equipment which mitigate the heat of temperature. In any case, the air is transmitted into varied rooms. In the first, the air enters into a house trough several ways such as and outdoor faucet while windows are used to cash the light into washing room, the window is used to minimize the electricity consumption. In addition, the air leaking transmits into the door and window beside that electrical outlet and kitchen fan vent stimulates higher amount of air in the second floor. However, air taking out via plan which transfers it outside the house. Moreover, the air is transferred into the roof before spreading out the house. In the kitchen and electrical outlet, the air is transmitted trough recessed lights and bathroom fan vent. While, attic hatch receives the air from the living room. Please give me valuable inputs *

Lincoln, if you will study the diagram closely, you will see that the house is composed of 3 floors, each of which has a specific diagram relating to heat loss and air circulation in the house. So the best way to have presented the information provided would have been by focusing one paragraph on each floor of the house. Why should you have discussed the diagram in a per paragraph form? The illustration could have been better presented to the examiner in a per paragraph form because you could have better concentrated on presenting the information in every part of the illustration. Your current presentation is rushed and did not take other aspects of the house into consideration (such as the crawlspace) in your explanation. By omitting certain portions that were important to the illustration but missing in your presentation, you will risk losing points due to an incomplete presentation. If you will further review your essay, you will notice that it is actually too short in the conclusion part. This is probably because of the lack of information in the earlier parts. By the way, you have a number of grammatical errors in the essay such as varied = various, trough = through, cash = cast , and plan = fan. You need to slow down and make sure that you are using the correct terms and spelling them properly in the essay. You do not want to lose major points in the grammatical range and accuracy section. That will drag down your final score immensely and could make you fail this test section in the actual setting.

Hi, this is my first essay :) The diagram presents a man-made linear process started by using clay to dig up metal grid and ended with the delivery of bricks for the building industry. Although the third stage of process is distinguished by 2 types of cutting process, the whole process is equal, it can be clearly seen that the method of production has seven stages, beginning with the digging up of clay and culminating in delivery. Firstly, the loam used to make the blocks is dug up from the ground by a big digger. Before placing the clay onto a metal grid there is prepared a roll equipment to roll the loam used to break up the loam into smaller pieces. After that, sand and water are added to the clay, and those mix components are moulded into blocks, at this stage it was distinguished by 2 ways of cutting (using mould or using a wire cutter). Next, these bricks are placed to an oven to be dried for 24 - 48 hours. In the following stages, the bricks go through two kilns rooms and a cooling chamber. Those kilns heat up the blocks in different temperature (in first kiln at a moderate temperature and then a high temperature ranging from 200c to 1300c in the second kiln), then followed by a cooling process in a chamber for 48 - 72 hours days. Finally, the bricks are packed and shipped to their destinations. *

Sari, where did the term loam, that you keep using throughout most of the essay come from? There is no reference to such a thing in the diagram as I studied it. Please make sure to use accurate lexical references from the diagram alone when describing anything related to the chart, illustration, or diagram that you are discussing in your summary. You will lose points if you make references to words that are not part of the keywords of the actual drawing you are interpreting. What you call a loam is actually called clay in the drawing so you should have used the term clay instead. Save for that particular question that I have regarding the use of the term 'loam", I do not find your explanation to be in error when compared with the illustration you provided. The method of brick creation is clear and there is an accurate representation of the procedure involved. Therefore, I believe that you would probably score above a 5, probably a 6, in the overall band score for this test. Just be careful of the term usage. Don't use terms not included in the actual copy you are provided. I did not deduct points for you regarding that this time because this is your first practice test. I will not give you a pass next time. So keep my advice in mind. In an actual test, the use of the term could have had a deduction done on your final lexical resource or grammar accuracy score.

**This is a summary from wired article. Its original title is "Hack Brief: Beware the Spammy Pokemon Go Apps Being Pushed to Millions of iPhones".** Apple users should know the pros and cons of downloading Pokémon Go. The latest study from Trend Micro revealed three party stores that have been deceiving iPhone users. Two of them are Haima, which is based in China, and the Vietnam-based HiStore. Both companies create fake apps related to the popular apps like Pokémon Go then promote the phony apps on social media. These bogus apps are prone to find even on Apple's App Store and Google Play Store. Apple launched an application of cleanup to overcome this drawback in order to revoke the certificates from useless apps that have been downloaded. However, it was counterfeited fraudulently as soon as the original version has been started marketing. These kinds of scam apps can infect phone's data with diverse malware. Therefore, one of the solutions to solve this problem is that the developers should protect their apps more carefully and make them more difficult to be hacked by the malicious parties. On the other side, the consumers should only buy their apps from official stores which are trusted. wired/2016/09/hack-brief-beware-spammy-pokemon-go-apps-pushed-millions-iphones/

Eka, there are a number of misinformation in your current summary article. Most of them are quite serious because it changes the meaning of the original article. For starters, do not change the formal terms being used in the original article. You cannot say "three party stores" because the proper term is "third party stores". If you change the term, you could confuse the reader regarding what you are trying to say. Next, you should have said that while the apps might be able to get into Apple and Google Play stores, they companies are swift to remove the offending apps. Your information in that aspect is incomplete. Your second paragraph referred only to Apple as having cleaned up the fake apps, without mention of Google so that is inconsistent with the original report. Finally, you are not offering a summarized solution in your final paragraph that is based upon the information in the original article. You are offering a personal opinion with a personal solution. That is in direct contradiction of the rules in writing article summaries. There is no room for personal statements in an article summary. Just summarize the facts and nothing more.

**some people think when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. discuss both views and give your opinion.** It is popularly believed that corporations should be focus on taking people who are innovative and able to work self-contained in the recruitment process. It is often alleged that companies should recruit candidates who are able to work in connected with others and follow instructions. Personally, I believe that it is an enormous essential for companies finding applicants that have multi-talented ability to work and they have been a high creativity and able to pursue all of instructions in companies. To begin with, it is a massive integral for companies hiring human that have been multi-competent skills to develop of company. It means that, they able to work individual or fuse with others that achieve a successful result in job. According to the latest research of Hanoyama Company in Tokyo, company always received applicant who had high quality and it had inflated standard to approve suitors because almost 96 percent or workers who were worked in there that must had ability to work self-contained and in a team. As a result, it makes them development quickly and now they have a high reputation in Japan. On the other hand, actually, corporations have aim that they must have inflated profile from other companies and owing to the fact that now, to get good position in a job people must be compete hardly with others. They must have excess from others, such as creation and imagination to give innovation for company. Thus, in begin of recruitment process, corporation always accept nominees who have big responsibility such as able to give new ideas that increase a rate of corporation. Besides, all of workers pursue all of instruction that are given by manager or lots of role from company. It is a massive important because with obedient staff members in a company, it makes they able to work well. All in all, as far as I am concern, I believe that entrants with they have been multi-talented skills and able to give lots of improvements with new ideas for company, applicants that are received by companies, besides, they must follow all of instructions and role from company. In my opinion, it is an immense integral for each candidate has all of regulations that are decided by company to make them easily that achieve in company.

Wily, in terms of task accuracy, there is a bit of a confusion in the way that you paraphrased the original prompt so the key points that should have been addressed isn't really properly nor fully represented in the opening statement. This may garner you a score no higher than 5 in an actual setting. The cohesiveness and coherence of your essay suffers in terms of logical presentation that leaves the reader somewhat confused once he finishes reading your essay. I believe that this problem will result in score of 4 or lower. Your cohesive devices could have been better used to help in this section of your essay. Lexical Resource leaves me scoring you a 4 as well because you failed to design the use of your words in the proper context of your sentence / thought process. Finally, in terms of grammar range and accuracy, I am sure, that because of the way I have been scoring this essay, you will not be surprised to know that the best score I can give you for this piece of writing is a 3. Most of your paragraphs are very poorly developed and leaves the reader highly stressed in terms of trying to sort out what you are trying to say. The message is lost because of the lack of proper sentence development, punctuation use, and vocabulary choices. Overall, you could have done better with this essay. I hope you take note of the problems with this test and apply some changes to your future written work. I am convinced that you have the ability to improve. All you need is practice. So don't give up. Sooner or later, you will be ready for the test.