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I read two books, Weedflower and Night. In Weedflower, a Japanese girl named Sumiko is interned and lives in Poston for a year or so before being released. It is fiction but closely mimics real history. The conditions Sumiko lives in aren't horrible--she lives with some of her family in a small home that is very hot and dusty. She grew a garden, goes to a sewing club, and eats three meals a day.
In Night, Elie is taken to a concentration camp. He endures hell and watches his father die. He starves and watches family turn on each other. He nearly dies multiple times.
With this, I made my thesis that through the literature I studied, Japanese internment is portrayed as having better living conditions and being more humane than the living conditions in the Holocaust. But after discussing with others, they found this thesis to be completely inappropriate and immoral. I've always been a very emotionally detached person, so I can only assume they are true. I don't wan to offend my entire class as I present this topic to them. I can literally pick any thesis--I could talk about what Japanese internment reveals about the Holocaust, or how the two are related, or a simple compare contrast. But I need a strong thesis and I have no idea what to write now without sounding offensive!!! It can be ANYTHING relating the Japanese internment to the Holocaust. Please help?! | Hi Lily, I think the problem is that there is not enough of a backstory when it comes to the presentation of your thesis statement. It has to be more reflective of the information that you wish to portray to the reader and ask them to keep an open mind regarding the topics. Acknowledge the atrocities of war right off the bat and do not give any reason for the way the prisoners were treated. Acknowledge the camps as being living cemeteries, which is what these were. I would probably phrase the thesis statement as follows:
*The atrocities of the world wars fought on two fronts, in Asia and in Europe, during World War II will always be a part of one of the darkest times in the history of man. The Nazi Germans had their interment camps where the Jews were expected to live out their lives until they died, unless they were killed by their captors. While the Japanese were held in interment camps in America, even though they had nothing to do with the war simply because Americans at the time, did not know if the Japanese Americans were sympathizers to the Japanese cause of "Asia for the Asians" and cause destruction to America from within. Two captors. Two interment camps. Two highly different treatments for the Prisoners of War. Based upon the novels "Weedflower" by Cynthia Kadohata and Night by Elie Wiesel, my paper will concentrate on the two types of humane conditions existing in these two interment camps. One held by ruthless Nazi captors, and the other, run by Americans who just wanted to keep their country safe from internal attacks. Why were the treatments so different? Why did America try to whitewash the existence of Japanese interment camps in the country by highlighting the Nazi camps? How does history treat both events and what modern mindset has arisen from the effects of these moments in world history?*
As you can see, if you properly word the thesis statement to be less provocative, It should pass the consideration of your teacher. Try to pattern your thesis statement after what I have written. Then have it considered by the teacher. Don't pass it through your friends, they are not the authorities on the matter. It is your teacher who has final approval so go directly to the source for approval or disapproval. Then you can work from there. |
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**
In modern society, the more languages you can speak, the more competitions you have. Since this phenomenon, it becomes popularly for parents to raise their children' interest toward a foreign language. Even more, some researchers state that it is better to start leaning a new language in the early age. In my opinion, I support this illustration under some conditions, and my statements are following.
Firstly, the biggest concerned about learning another language in early age is the children may not focus on their mother language properly. The primary school seems to be the first place for them to access their own language officially. They are going to learn the grammar, the punctuation and the correct usage of a language. It might be a struggle for them to learn two languages in meanwhile. Secondly, learning a new language may cause extra pressure to the children. In some countries, especially in Asia, parents expect them to be successful in the future. Even the students of primary school have a lot of homework and extra activities. It is cruel to put further burden on them.
However, in my view, I think this is a good chance for young children to access a foreign language. In the first place, because a language is a first step to experience a different culture, in term of thinking, concept and attitude, children can border their horizon by studying a new language. Especially in the early progress, exploring a new culture can accumulate great resources before they grow up. Next, people often regret starting too late to learn a brand new language because of the poor memory. It is obvious that the youth have better memory than the elderly so as to proof that the earlier children leaning a language, the better outcome they could have.
To sum up, learning a foreign language is definite a good thing, but for the very young kids, there are lots pros and cons need to be considered. Under no circumstance should children sacrifice their precious childhood only for meeting the expectation of being a competitive person in the future. | Arlen, what made you think that the discussion being provided by the prompt asked you to consider the age rather than the school grade of the student who is going to learn how to speak a foreign language? Why is your essay concentrated on discussing the proper "age" of the child to learn the language? You make it sound like the language learning is an option for parents outside of the regular schooling of a child. That is not the point of the prompt. The discussion that the prompt wanted you to provide was a discussion as to the pros and cons of having a child learn how to speak a foreign language in either primary or secondary school. Which of the two school levels would have been most beneficial to a student who has to learn a foreign language? It is the level of schooling that should have been discussed in terms of the existing abilities of the student to learn.
It is understood that the child will get additional language training in school, within the aforementioned learning levels. So why are you concentrated on the age of the child instead? All of the discussions that you presented do not take into account the prompt provided information which should have been reflected in your essay. Based upon this serious misunderstanding of the prompt requirements on your part, I regret to say that I do not believe you can score higher than a 2 on task accuracy. Scoring a 2 will mean that the overall components of the scoring criteria will also fail because you did not properly represent the prompt requirements in your discussion. |
There are some parts my teacher will mark. Does anyone can help me to check the grammar and make sense or not.
**The Athletics Centre**
Introduction:
1. Hook
2. Thesis statement
3. background information
Body:
1. Topic sentence
2. one direct quote and one indirect quote
3. some fact to support my sentence
Conclusion
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know there is the Athletics Centre in Georgian College? Have you got wondered is there only gym? Actually, the Athletics Centre is not only gym, but also supporting sport for fun like badminton, volleyball, basketball, indoor climbing, indoor track and so on. Moreover, as a Georgian College student, I want to write down my opinion and I believe that we have a workout at least three times a week is one of good ways to our health.
First of all, I am interested in some health classes, for example,TRX which is core exercise and YOGA when I lived in Taiwan. After I noticed there are lots of fitness classes, such as TRX SPLIT, HATHA YOGA, MUSCLE, and so on in the Athletics Centre, I was excited. Especially since the fees of the strength courses is all included our tuition. "You can get the fitness schedule from the front desk or on the websites," Janice who is working the Athletics Centre of Georgian College said. After first time experience of TRX class, I realized there was different teaching method between Taiwan and Canada, for instance, Georgian College's teacher was more careful your pose than following class' schedule. It was impressed me a lot although I just went to once.
Furthermore, I am also captivated by personal training. From my experience, the personal training, I can only look for in fitness lose weight and my body shape will be great. In fact, this class provides some parts to help members know their health history, fitness goals and current lifestyle. According to this way, the members might understand their specific needs. However, Janice said this option is not contained our education costs. In other words, I have to pay if I want to go to the class. Nonetheless, Janice gave me a good news about the Athletics Centre has good packs of personal training. Also, if I am student, I can get more good price than non-students.
To sum up, the Athletics Centre is not only provided facilities equipment, there is still some good items over there. From my opinion, if you want to join interesting exercise classes and become healthier, but you do not know how to do that, just ask. The staff are friendly and nice. As the Athletics says "We have got all sorts of options to help you stay healthy and engaged".
Thank you !! | Aha, your thesis statement needs work. I am not sure what it is you are trying to present in the statement. First you are informing the reader that there is an athletics center at the school. Then you tell the reader that you want to present your opinion about working out 3 times a week. there was no proper statement development or introduction tot he topic that could have prepared the reader for this thesis statement. In order to properly develop the thesis statement, your opening sentence and the supporting sentences need to lead up to the discussion that you wish to present in the final sentence. That is how you develop a thesis with an introductory background, then an appropriate hook for the reader.
The rest of the essay seems to be just following the instructions in order to present the required elements. This means that while the paper may be technically accurate, you were unable to create an interesting research point that would interestingly support your opinion. An opinion which was never actually developed in your essay. Why do you think that it is important that students workout at the athletic center? Why 3 times a week in particular? Aside from being paid for with the tuition fee, what other reasons are there to support your claims? Who is Janice? What is her last name? Give a more detailed description for her work title and explain why we should believe anything she says.
The essay can use further development and information. As of now, I have given you some reviewer points that I am sure your teacher will also bring up. I look forward to hearing your teacher's comments and revising the essay with you based upon her suggestions. Good luck with this submission. |
topic: **International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country visited. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?**
my essay:
Overseas traveling has become a norm in the last decades, delivering enormous utility to the locality and tourists. However, the equation between the advantages and disadvantages of this activity still remains controversial. Through my personal perspective, the benefits certainly outweigh the drawbacks on many aspect.
On the first hand, the stream of abroad travelers has generated numerous welfares for the host country, regardless of some minor negative impacts. Obviously, due to tourism industry, the localities attracting to foreign visitors has made a great deal of income by doing different kinds of services, ranging from selling souvenirs to professional activities like accommodation fees. Although damages to native environments are certain to exist, the high income from tourism are more than enough to compensate for the environmental preservation cost. Moreover, in term of cultural preservation, many cultural heritages which are on the verge of extinction have been saved through the activity of tourism. This is a cycle in which the need for finances to preserve traditonal values are satisfied by the profits from foreign tourists, afterwards authorities feel the necessity to develop traditional cultures to appeal more people.
On the second hand, both the visitors and local people feel the demand for global integration, which can be achieved easily through tourism on some aspects. By conducting abroad traveling, sightseers have the opportunity to experience interesting and valuable customs in the place they visit. In return, the local society can adapt the technology and knowledge equiped with visitors to better their standard of living. Futhermore, many industrial agreements have been established between foreign investors and local companies after the investors come and visit their potential investment targets.
To sum up, although there are some trifling shortcomings from international tourism, the various plus points are definitely worth the exchange. | Six, ownership of the information and opinion that is presented in an opinion essay is very important. It shows that you have confidence in the information you are presenting and allows the examiner to estimate the degree of your comprehension skills based upon the kind of understanding and logic that you use to discuss the topic. Therefore, use of first pronoun words is of the utmost importance. Terms such as "I, me, my, mine" denote ownership of the opinions presented and would have added to your task accuracy score which by the way, currently stands at a 5.
There is a problem with your cohesiveness and coherence because of the confusing statements that you made in paragraphs 2 and 3. I think something got lost in the translation of what you wanted to say from your mother tongue to English. It made the paragraphs difficult to read so I think you would not get anything higher than a 4 in it.
Lexical resource is another concern for me. This is a section whose score has a direct relation to your coherence and cohesiveness score because the words or vocabulary you used ended up confusing the reader to the point where the subject of the paragraphs were lost. So my score for you in this part would be another 4.
Finally, we come to grammar accuracy and range. This section is scored also in direct relation to the cohesiveness and cohesion and lexical resource. I already explained to you in the previous paragraphs about the problems of the essay so, for the final portion of scoring, I don't think that you will be able to gain more than a 5 in it. The score in this section was increased due to considerations relating to the score of 5 in the task accuracy portion. |
**Edward Snowden on How We Take Back the Internet**
Edward Snowden is a former National Security Agency staff who revealed confidential data to be accessed publically. His aim was to confide citizens the concealed data despite obliging the USA government to not access the privacy of internet users. While the information was employed to obtain the government's internet, they cooperated with several global companies such as google and Microsoft to transfer their user's data.
Source: youtube | Lincoln, your summary statement doesn't pass muster in this case. Your title for the summary says it all "How we take back the internet". You did not present the information from Edward Snowden as to how that can be done. He specifically discusses the importance of taking back the internet, why we should value our privacy, and more importantly, how it can be taken back from those who stole our privacy online. All you present in the essay is a background of Snowden and the scandal he is embroiled in. You have not properly represented the full content of the video that is over half an hour long.
Speaking of the length of the video, it is not short at all. So why is your summary so short? You most likely know that this short summary will not get you a passing grade in the actual test. It just doesn't accomplish the task properly. As I watched the video, I came across more relevant information and keywords that you did not represent in this summary. So I am not confident that you would have gotten a decent score on this essay. |
**The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in New Zealand in 2002.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.**
***I wrote two essays following different manners. can anyone revise for me and tell me which one is better ? I will be appreciated***
Ex1
**The chart shows us figures about sports which was playing most popular in New Zealand in 2002.**
Overall, as can be seen cricket was a sport attracted the smallest number of girls to involve in, with just about one percent. While soccer, as always, was the most favorite sport with boys.
To begin with, we will start with sports which was preferred by girls rather than boy: Netball saw a strongly excess of girls' involving number compared with boys with 25 percent and one percent respectively. Swimming stood behind with 22.5 percent of girls involving in, while the figures with boys was 13 percent. There also have althtics that girls and boys gained five and four percent respectively.
Then, the second group was likely sports not for girls or it required two much physically muscle: Soccer was counted 24 percent for boys and five percent for girls. Tenis and basketball have quite similar statistical number, in which boys was nine and eight percent while girls took seven percent and 5.5 percent. Especially in cricket, there saw the longest distance between boys and girls up to nine percent, in which the boys was higher with ten percent.
Ex2:
**The chart shows information on sports which was played most common in Newzealand in 2002.**
Firstly, we consider Sports which saw not much different between two genders: Basketball and Tenis shared a quite similar pattern, where as almost 8 percent of the boys played these games while this figure of the girls was 6 percent. Athletics attracted quite a modest amount of player that almost-merely 5 percent of both the boys and the girls involved in this game.
Secondly, the others which showed the deep separation between two genders. Socer and cricket was seemingly considered the sports for man in this country, this was proved respectively by the gap of 10 and 20 percent between the boys and the girls . In contrast, the girls dominated in netball and swimming that the number of girls taking part in these sports excessed the boys by 24 and 10 percent respectively.
In summary, inspite of the fact that the girls have beat the boys in some sports but in the larger point of view boy still be the biggest force participating in sports | Nguyen, in my opinion, the first version better reflects the chart information. By the way, please remember to include the chart, diagram, illustration, or whatever file it is that you are basing the information on. We use it for comparison purposes with your essay. The reason that I say the first essay works better is because it covers the minimum 3 sentences per paragraph requirement for this writing task. It seems to present an accurate depiction of the (unseen) information from the chart. This is why we need that chart from you, we need to make sure the information you are presenting is accurate and does not have a different meaning from what the chart is providing. Overall, I believe that the first version would work best in an actual test setting.
You should develop the confidence to present only one essay for our review in the future. That is because in an actual test setting, you will writing under a time constraint and will not have the opportunity to present two versions for the examiner to choose from. It is of the utmost importance to your final score in the actual test that you accomplish your practice tests under the same time pressure setting as the actual test. There are certain liberties, such as writing two essay versions, that will not be available to you at that time. So you need to make sure that you always get it right the first time. These practice tests are meant to help you develop that skill and confidence prior to taking the test. So always do the practice tests under actual test settings. No exceptions. |
Prompt: **Susan Sontag, AB'51, wrote that "ilence remains, inescapably, a form of speech." Write about an issue or situation when you remained silent, and explain how silence may speak in ways that you remained silent, and explain how silence may speak in ways that you did or did not intend. "The Aesthetics of Silence" (1967)**
After being silent for so long, I forgot that I had a voice.
"Can I have this candy, Rahul?"
"Sure."
"I'm going to take this, Rahul."
"Go right ahead, I don't mind."
"You are going to do this math program, whether you like it or not, Rahul."
"Uuuhh..."
I wonder sometimes whether I will ever find my voice and speak up for myself, since I've been so good at being silent. While many acknowledge silence to be a treasure, I find it to be a punishment. Throughout my life, as far back as I can remember, people decided what is right or wrong for me without my consent. People bullied me when I didn't have the power to fight back. My silence was a form of speech that had unintended outcomes.
Four years ago, I had an argument with my parents filled with bickering and insults that lasted nearly for a month. I guess the phrase, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" perfectly fits this period of my life. Having Indian parents' means that I must get straight A's in all my classes, no exceptions. I was in the middle of doing my homework when my mom called me.
"Rahul, I've been noticing that you've been playing more than the allowed time on your phone. Have you noticed your grades lately," narrated my mother.
"Mom, I have A's in most of my classes, I only have two B's," I replied.
"Why are you trying to argue with me?"
"Wait what, I was merely saying that I have been working and I only have two B's, when was I trying to argue with you?"
The next two hours resulted in a back and forth argument between my mother that resulted in rolling eyes and deep sighs. I wasn't able to argue with her because I knew whatever I said would be considered talking back and dismissed as meaningless. For the next month or so, I chose to mask my emotions from my parents for fear that if I said something, I would only spark the flames. Whenever I met my mother's gaze, I would quickly avert my eyes for fear that the situation would be brought up again. To me, my silence was an act of peace to show them respect, but to my parents, my silence conveyed the message that I was vulnerable to their commands, that they had the power to dictate my actions, that my silence was something they could expect from me.
My silence gave my parents the power to squelch my voice. My silence was a form of winning for them because it meant that I was following our religious beliefs that dictated the utmost respect for elders. At least, that's what my parents chose to believe, and I let them believe it. My inability to speak, the silence that I was trained to use in order to avoid conflict or end an altercation caused the most negative effects on my life. My silence allowed people to walk all over me like a doormat because I did not want to risk breaking with my traditional training and escalating various situations in the process. My silence was bliss for them, but not for me, as it set me up for further adverse effects outside of the family - from my friends.
Frankly, religion does play a vital role in my life. Unfortunately, it is also one of the major reasons that I am bullied by people outside my family. Specifically, from the xenophobes around me who believe that making fun of my religion and cultural traditions is alright, because I choose to keep silent about it. My religion, Hinduism, has taught me to be unselfish and to avoid discriminating others for what they believe in. Many people have discriminated me on my religion but I could not do anything because I knew that if I did, there would be unintended consequences. My unforgettable experience happened at the Health and Science School.
It's one thing when someone else bullied you, but it's a completely different feeling when your closest friends do racist actions in a condescending way. For eight months, I had to endure what started off as a joke but soon turned for the worst when they would constantly use a ballpoint pen and draw in dots on their foreheads to mock me and my culture. I tried to ignore them, however, they would constantly text me links to classical dances and ask me where's the red dot on my forehead.
One day at lunch, as I was walking to the cafeteria, one of my friends came up to me and handed me a red marker.
"Why are you giving this to me?"
"Well, you seem to have forgotten your dot"
"What dot?"
"The dot that goes on your forehead, haha!"
I pushed him away "That's not funny"
I was shell shocked and angry in the way he spoke to me. But I could not do anything because I did not want to escalate the situation. I had to close the lid to my anger. These kind of events have bruised me so much that I would think about staying home from school in fear of being harassed. Through all this discrimination I endured, I did not fight back and remained silent. I believed that if I consulted a teacher, I will be labeled as someone who cannot handle negative words. The unintended consequence from me being silent was that my closest friends engaged in discriminating me so much that I felt insecure about myself. Since I did not express my feelings or the pain that I felt, my "friends" assumed that I was just shrugging off their insults. My silence has been a sign of regret. My incapability to speak for what I believe is right or wrong has plagued me with self-doubt between my friends and family. My silence told those around me that it was alright to mock me, kick me, and ridicule me. They would get away with it because I would choose to remain silent. It had not only affected me but some of my closest friends.
Most of the time when we see a fight or someone saying something bad to someone else, we just ignore it and continue with our lives. But, when it's a person that is close to us, we tend to speak out. I on the other hand chose to remain silent causing my best friend to turn against me.
Aaron and I have been best friends for nearly four years. We were next door neighbors, so we hung out a lot. We've shared many laughs together. But when Aaron and I moved up to 5th grade, we began to distance ourselves. Like a typical 5th grader, I tried to act cool with my words and actions. I wished that I could be like the cool kids. Aaron on the other hand, rejected this view and would isolate himself from the others. One day, during recess, my "cool" friends and I went out to play basketball. Noticing Aaron walking by himself, my friends started talking to Aaron by asking him whether he wanted to play with us. Aaron refused the offer and my friend got mad at that. He asked why Aaron didn't want to play and Aaron simply said he didn't want to.
That's when my other friend said, "Let him wander by himself Zac, he's a loner anyway.
Watching at what was unfolding, I didn't say anything to defend my friend. The situation escalated further as they were throwing insults at each other. Aaron kept glancing back at me to see if I would step in and help him out. I, however, put my myself above the feelings of my best friend and remained silent. The insulting didn't stop till recess ended but I didn't see Aaron again that day, in fact, I didn't see Aaron for the next three weeks. I tried to talk to him after school but his mother kept on saying that he was busy and I should come back later. My silence told me to ignore problems retaining to people close to me. Was silence really bliss in this case? Maybe for others, but not for me. I acknowledge that silence can be a friend in most instances. However, for me, silence was the enemy that I could not defeat in personal and social settings. | Is Aaron still your best friend at this point? After this falling out, did the two of you become friends again? The reason is ask is because of the timeline continuity and tense usage in your essay. You are going from present to past tense in a matter of 3 sentences. Make sure that you use the correct time reference (past, present, future) in all your sentences referring to your relationship with Aaron.
It seems to me that you have already effectively presented the required 3 scenarios pertaining to the effect of silence on your life. So if you have the space to do so, you should already look into wrapping up the essay with a concluding paragraph that tells the reader what lessons you have learned regarding the effect of silence in your life and if you are already making changes in yourself to help you let your voice be heard in instances when it is important that you do so. I assume that your teacher will expect you to close the essay on a "moral lesson" type of note so it is best that you start developing your closing statement at this point. All of the stories are already good enough to represent your situation at this point. There should be nothing more to add to it. |
**Being able to speak a foreign language is an advantage these days.
Some people think that children should start learning a foreigner language at primary school, while others think children in the secondary school.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**
Nowadays, The ability to speak two or three languages is always a plus, and the fact that you will learn it at your childhood is perfect, and it will maximize your language skills in the future, so, many people argue about the perfect time that children have to start taking second language courses, some believes that it should be at the primary school while others think that secondary school is the best period to start. Personally, I reckon that modern languages should be taught at the secondary school and any earlier time will have adverse ramifications on children . This essay will discuss both views.
Some parents believes the earlier we will teach our children a new language, the earlier they will learn it, and perhaps learn other languages after that. The reason behind that is some studies showed that a kid has a phenomenal memoir abilities, and they can learn quickly compared to an adult. For example adults can still remember the story that it has been telling them at their childhood and they can even still tell those stories to their kids too. So learning a modern language at primary school is mandatory.
On the other hand, other people think that at primary school, kids start to discover what is education, how to write, read and manipulate numbers, children have to learn those basic things in their mother tongue language, start learning a new language is very unnecessary at this period, it will has just a negative consequences for the children's education future by disturbing them on focusing
On basic mathematic or physic rules. Modern language is definitely a plus for kids but secondary school is the best time to learn it. I agree.
To conclude, I believe that modern languages are very important to be taught the secondary school, at this period students just start to release what is important for them and what is not. The time period of giving courses to our children is crucial, we have to be careful with it. | Rouggal, you can't just agree with an opinion in the essay when you are clearly being asked to present your own opinion and defend it alongside the two points of view that you have to discuss. So, you should have 3 paragraphs in this essay body that should represent 3 things: the pro, the con, and your opinion. You represent 2 out of 3 at this point. That explains why your paragraphs are short by one. You did not properly represent and discuss your opinion in support of one of the two sides you are expected to present within the discussion. It seems that you decided to present your opinion as the conclusion to the essay. You cannot do that. You are not allowed to present a new discussion within the conclusion as a closing statement. That is because the recap of the essay discussion is expected to be placed in the concluding paragraph. Needless to say, your essay has plenty of room for improvement in terms of task accuracy, coherence and cohesion, as well as the lexical resource and grammar accuracy. In fairness to you, I won't score your essay using the criteria previously mentioned so that you will have a chance to revise your essay to better be prompt adherent. |
**Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.
Why should we be concerned about this?
What solutions would you suggest?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**
Nowadays, more and more researches reveal that smoking is harmful to health. However, there are still some people doing so. The fact is, with the rising of people concerning about their own health, seeking to alternatives solutions is inevitable.
To be honest, smoking is not as serious as drugging or drinking, but it is still a bad model to the children. For somehow, in many commercials and movies, the media intend to make a stereotype of smoking as a symbol of mature adults. This phenomenon leads the children to imitate. Secondly, the worst part of smoking is the second-hand smoke. People don't smoke are influenced by the detriment air. It is unfair that second-hand smoke causes as damaging as smoke, and it results in coughing, allergy and cancer.
I think there are two ways to solve the smoking problems. First of all, the government should raise the tax of cigarettes, which can curb people's desire to purchase it. In this case, once the demand of cigarettes falls, the number of smoking people will drop down as well. Next, to prevent to the second-hand smoke, the authority should legislate that people can't smoke in the public, or they have to pay a huge penalty. For example, in Taiwan, there are many smoking booths in public area, and there facilities can protect both of the people's health and the smoker's right.
To sum up, in spite of the obvious truth that smoking cases disease, many people are still stubborn. However, there are several corresponding solutions as long as people are willing to obey the rules. Then, we can reduce the damaging level of smoking to the lowest. | Arlen cohesiveness and cohesion are terms that are used to describe how effectively you present the information that you have on paper. This means that you are able to present your ideas in a manner that a reader can understand and follow because you were able to create a foundation for the proper understanding of your information presentation. Basically coherence is defined as a systematic or logical connection or consistency in a sentence. While cohesiveness refers to the way that you integrate or merge the various information that you have in different paragraphs into a single meaning or thought withing the essay. Here is an example of a cohesive and coherent paragraph that I developed to help you understand what I am explaining:
*John wanted to get the apples on the highest branch of the tree. He knew that he needed a ladder in order to climb that high and get the fruits. John was told by his father sometime ago that the ladder was in the barn. So he went to the barn to get the ladder. After getting the ladder, he leaned the ladder on the strongest part of the tree that led to the highest point. He then climbed the ladder and reached the highest point. He began picking the apples from the highest point in the tree.*
This is an example of a cohesive and coherent paragraph. You state the topic, explain the reason, how it can be accomplished, and finally, the accomplishment. You need to be able to present your thoughts in a logical manner to the reader. It has to follow a thought process that leads to not only an understanding, but a satisfying conclusion as well.
So what can you do to improve your writing in this aspect? Since you are still doing practice tests, it is important that when you are practicing at home, that you learn how to first outline your discussion and then learn to present the outline in essay form. The cohesiveness comes from the logical or step by step presentation of your facts. The coherence, comes from how the information comes together in an understandable manner to the reader once the paragraph or essay is finished.
Please feel free to ask additional questions if you have any. I'll try to respond as soon as I can. |
Original state:
**The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.**
Nowadays, globalisation leads large number of companies in global market competition. While, the aim of the firm is to have profitability and they should only focus on this. Despite make money is essential for company, i tend to disagree in this point of view.
Company always dealing on profit. It is mainly because as business the businessman have to earn a lot of money from company activities to operate their business and expand the production. For example, a businessman need much money to build the company and if it does not has profit enough, based on the business theory that is impossible as businessman can broaden their firm. As a result, without profit the firm overtime will collapse and get rid of from global market competition so focus on making money to keep exist the company is critical for company.
However, in business operation many factors should be considered by company, because firm cannot survive if they only focus on making money. For illustrates, consumers go away from the product of the company because the firm does not consider about consumer need and costumer service or the rate of selling product decline caused by the company does not promote their product. In addition, the company can be banned by society if it does not care with public attention such as environment issue which is caused by factory activities so the firm should consider about others aspects such as marketing, costumer service, or corporate social responsibility beside profitability.
To sum up, only focus on profitability is not best decision to company because to survive in global market competition the firm should consider many aspects. | Bams, in the opening statement, you accidentally created a hanging sentence instead of delivering a complete thought. Remove the word "while" in the second sentence so that you end up stating a fact instead of showing an incomplete thought process. Since you are presenting a personal point of view throughout the essay, make sure that you always take ownership of your opinion by using first person references such as "I, my, me" This will add to the strength and conviction of your statement / opinion throughout the essay.
The flow of your discussion is logical and, although sometimes confusing, can be understood by the reader after a second reading. Your concluding statement is lacking in the major elements that would have made it successful. This includes a representation of the summarized discussion, reiteration of your opinion, and a closing sentence. If you review what you wrote, it is obvious that more information is required before the sentence can actually deliver a complete statement to the reader that can properly close the discussion. |
Reaching my 9th grade, all my friends had bought smartphones except me.I was so disturbed by the way they shared images and videos making fun of me.I had to buy one too, much expensive and much cool.I knew my parents would not give the whole sum of money, so I needed to participate to a drawing competition on our school to win for the rest of the money.That was the only option I I was good at drawing, but not that good to participate to the competition.The competition's task was to draw a portrait of a real person photo.As far as I drew only manga and comics were in my drawing books.But the way I wanted to prove to my friends and my parents that I was able that this detail seemed inconsequential.
I started on easier photos to familiarize myself with drawing portraits.My first two photos were a disastrous failure much like caricatures.I was then so afraid to not make it.Drawing in breaks, in my free time and everything I could draw.All my friends had their own portrait drawn by me.They were so happy about it, anyway I was training.To continue familiarizing now shifting real photos to virtual ones in my head.Everyone that came to my head finished in my drawing book.I found myself liking more and more drawing.My drawings mattered to me and sometimes offered them as gifts to people I care about.I remember the gift for my brothers anniversary, his portrait which I drew with much consideration and that was so important to him.My drawings usually reflected much of my feelings and my thoughts.For a certain time I felt to be ready to participate.I participated to the competition finally.The drawing was not easy but the hard work paid and after 2 weeks they proclaimed the winners.I was the fifth and I did even receive the money I wanted.I was so happy and so honored by the way my friends and parents were congratulating me over and over.
I bought my smartphone.But the pride I got was not to buy the phone but to win the competition.This proved me:one that I can achieve my goals and finish what I started, two I discovered my talent and three the closest people to me honored me. | Aimee, are you writing this essay as a part of an English exercise or are you writing this as a part of a college application? I am asking because my advice to you regarding the writing will vary depending upon the audience for this paper. If it is only for your English grammar teacher, then you have done well enough and will only require proof reading and format adjustment because the content allowed you to express yourself in a simple English grammar kind of way. Which is expected of a student just learning to speak English.
However, if you are using this for a college application then, the essay needs more work in terms of story development, should be proof read more in order to avoid redundancies and inaccurate terms, and most of all, needs to be properly formatted so as not to stress the reviewer's eyes. Please tell me which of the two types of writing audience this paper is meant for so that I can properly assess your work and provide you with more relevant suggestions.
The only consistent suggestion that I can offer you, regardless of the essay type is the need for you to break the essay down into paragraphs in order to allow the reader to have an easier time in reading your work. Right now, the paper is too tight on the page and becomes difficult to read as the story progresses. You should separate the paragraphs via topic sentences, using the enter button to create a space between paragraphs and topics. The enter button should be pressed at the end of each sentence that is discussing a particular topic. A new topic requires a new paragraph. That is a standard format that should be followed regardless of the writing audience for the essay. |
**The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**
The electronic media has significantly developed over the last decades and it leads to the use of information technology being popular. While most people regard that this conveys negative consequences for the individual relationship between citizens, I firmly agree with that idea since it results in several serious problems for them.
The advance technology has several positive impacts which are to ease people to communicate. It is because even though it is high technology, it is friendly-user so everybody can operate it easily. It helps people to share any information which is accessible for everyone. Furthermore, it enables to have a face-to-face conversation online although they live in different countries. As a result, the way of communication is changed to be uncomplicated while its cost is more affordable.
On the other hand, it impacts on the alteration of human behavior which tends to be more individual. After many gadget applications are available on the internet, people more likely to spend a long period of time using their gadget, the trend impacts on their individual relationship. Although they have the opportunity to attract people around directly, they are too busy with their gadget and lack to attract with their family members. Furthermore, the relationship with people who live far away is more harmonious than close family since they tend to connect trough their mobile device than direct communication.Consequently, people will have a problem how to engage with society.
In conclusion, while some argue that the relationship of people will be fragile since the existing electronic device existing, I keenly agree with that issue since there are several problems will be occurred. | Hi Lincoln, your essay is a very good attempt at providing you with a high possible score for the prompt. Your paraphrasing and presentation of opinion in the first paragraph is acceptable and shows that, although your language might be weak, you actually did understand the instruction provided for the discussion. Succeeding discussions might have some mis-used words such as "friendly-user" which should have been "user-friendly", but your discussion contained coherent ideas that resulted in an acceptable cohesion in the overall paragraph presentation. I applaud you for your desire to use a higher level of vocabulary and your obvious attempt at creating better complex sentences. Overall, I believe your band scores would be as follows:
Task Accuracy - 6
Cohesiveness & Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 6
Grammar Accuracy & Range - 6
Basically, I think you stand a pretty good chance of further improvement in your band scores based upon your performance in this writing task. Keep up the good work. You are getting to the point where you need to be in order to pass the test. |
## If superpowers were real: Super speed - Joy Lin
Flash is the name of the superhero known by its ability to run reaching 25.000 mph. Although it seems possible to be done by a superhero, it will lead to several problems when ordinary people have such special power. Firstly, it will burn our whole body thanks to we crash oxygen consists of small molecules at a high level of speed. In addition, we will hit anything in front us because we move over 1.4 mps and cannot avoid them. Furthermore, if we want to help the girl who will be killed by a gun and we move her body before the bullet hits her, she will be dead due to she move at the speed of light even faster than it.
Source: youtube | Lincoln, The Flash was never mentioned in the video presentation. This is an assumption that you are making because of the popularity of the TV program. For accuracy purposes, never mention any entity or event hat is not included in the original presentation. It is important that you stick only to the facts because when your summary is compared to the original source, points will be deducted for inaccuracies.
Your summation of the video is somewhat acceptable. It would have been further strengthened if you had been able to take note of Newton's law of motion which was an integral part of the explanation in the video. That was the total basis of the scenarios presented and accompanying explanations. So, while your essay is informative and sums up the video as best as you can remember, the summary still has room for improvement. However, due to time constraints, I believe that you will get a decent, maybe passing score in an actual test if you write this way when taking it. |
In recent year, nowadays, the vast expansion in international trade affect development advertising is higher. Some people argue that is not popular because the companies are sold. I agree with this point of view.
In my opimion, advertising is necessary in free maket economices and they need to tell customers about their products. Also, advertisements inform us about the choices while we have consider about large products. Furthermore, online advertising is the most common type today. They will control hight efficiency. For example, companies can see how many people saw their advertising and traffic for information everyday.
Customers who are interesten in products or services, they will easily be sent to a content containing information through a free utility. It is a form of harmful modern business.
I also agree with the view that advertising is not the real needs of society which they are sold. In my country, many advertising companies produce advertisements with famous, popular actors and singers. People, especially youngsters, buy goods that their fovourite singer advertise, although they do not really need their product. Moreover, advertising manipulates people because it aims to persude their that buying a product will make them happier, stronger, healthier, and more other reasons. For example, many people believed that if they use of vitamins or foods nutritional supplements, it will make healthy their body. However, the researchers pointed out that the abuse cause many side effects and fatigue. On the other hand, advertisers often aim their maketing at children who can easily be influenced by advertisements. Then, children always put pressure on their parents to buy them things.
In conclusion, advertising is a key part of modern business but it is should be regulated. Government should censor and control false information that are harmful. | Ha, it is extremely difficult for me to review your essay for a number of reasons. The first one, is the lack of the original prompt requirement. That is the guideline by which I can properly assess your work for task compliance and discussion accuracy. At the moment, I am unclear as to what the actual slant of the discussion topic should be. Please post that prompt as soon as you can for a more accurate review of your work on the essay.
In the meantime, I would like to call your attention to the grammar problems in your essay. You misspelled so many words within the overall essay that you would not get a very good score in terms of grammar range and accuracy. The highest you would probably get is a 3 which, as you know will drag down the final score calculations for your task test. Examples of the misspelled words are opimion = opinion, hight = height, interesten = interested, etc. Please make sure to take your time while typing your essay. I am not, at this moment, sure if you just have typographical errors or if you really do not know how to spell these words. Either way, your score in this section would be less than passing. |
**Q: The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?**
The main objective of an enterprise is to generate profit. However, I disagree with that idea since the company is also responsible for improving employee's prosperity and society's living standards.
The company focuses on how to earn money and increase its profitability annually. It is thanks to they should rise and divide dividend to all investors who have funded operating business activities. In order to achieve the goal, they should allocate money to the commercial item instead of spend budget on something that has no return. Furthermore, the company should dominate the market. Although the company has been a market leader, who has had the biggest number of customers, they should design up-to-date business strategy to maintain their domination which aims to prevent new competitor enter the market and overtook their position.
Apart from previous explanation, the company has the importance role to improve the quality of living standards of their employees and society. It cannot be disputed that the employee is a company's asset and they should be threatened very well. Although they are uneducated people, the company's operation cannot run effectively without them. Once they attain special treatment and feel happy. It leads to increase company productivity as well as customer's satisfaction. Furthermore, people who live around the company should be one of the company's concerns. Although it does not automatically generate money, it will give positive impact in term of company image and reputation.
In conclusion, while some regard that the company should also concern on generating profit, I keenly disagree with such opinion because they have other responsibilities such as improving the employee's life and helping society who live around them. | Lincoln, your essay started out on a strong note, the paraphrased paragraph doesn't really fall under the required number of sentences which is 3. As such, the paraphrasing and the presentation of your opinion could have been made clearer and stronger to the reader. That is not the strongest problem of your essay though.
You made some grave mistakes in the grammatical accuracy of your thought development. Using terms such as "threat" instead of "treat" in reference to the way the businesses deal with their employees. Then, another serious problem with your coherence and cohesion performance appeared.
There is the sudden emergence of your thought that all business employees are uneducated. Where did you get that idea? It was not developed within the paragraph before it was introduced. What made you think that all employees are uneducated? There are blue collar and white collar workers, both have professional training in their field based upon some sort of education. It is not right to imply that they are uneducated. It shows a lack of analytical thought process on your end.
Due to the problems with your essay, I doubt you could get a higher overall score than a 4 in an actual test. |
Seagrass swirling around the current and flow can be a ride for tiny species on the sea, provide food and habitat for microscopic species such as crustaceans to manatees, and contribute in stabilising the coast through it roots. According to scientist from National Autonomous University of Mexico, Brigitta van Tussenbroek, she and her colleagues were surprised when they found hundreds of invertebrates, chiefly small crustaceans, act like pollinators visiting flowers of a turtle-grass bed and carrying pollen. To explore this further, the researchers create an aquarium including crustacean, male and female turtle-grass flowers, and seawater. After several minutes, they found that extra grains appeared on female blooms on aquarium with invertebrates. This pollinators has a gooey and tasty body, and scientist believed that some pollen sticks to their bodies while they eat. So far, the discovery of sea bees which have only been seen visiting turtle grass can describe interesting plant-animal interaction that has not completely described, said researcher from Louisiana, Kelly Darnell.
newscientist | Nda, your topic sentence at the start of the summary should have immediately indicated that the tiny crustaceans help in pollinating the sea plans. That is the entire focus of the essay and that was the essence of the message delivered by the speaker at the very start. The rest of your explanation in relation to this topic is acceptable.
A word of advice though, when there is a secondary speaker in the article or video, make sure that you mention the name of the speaker somewhere before you mention her contribution to the article. You will need to write an introductory sentence for the speaker prior to the quotation you will be presenting. The way that you presented the second phase of information from the second speaker is not proper in this essay. If you review the statement as you have it now, you do not know where the information from the first speaker ends and the information from the second speaker begins. That is why you have to make sure to present the second speaker prior to indicating the information from that person. Without a differentiation in speakers, the summary becomes confusing for the reader to assess. |
ACADEMIC WRITING TASK 2 GIVE ADVICE FOR MY WRITING
Using media gives many cons on individual relationship between citizens. Although many drawbacks which are caused by media, I tend to disagree in this view.
Recently, developed media electronic so rapidly it is causing pros and cons. In one side, media gives many negative effects on individual relationship such as miss communication, become solitary people and lack of social relation. It is mainly because media in cutting-edge era gives the easiest communication, interaction, and information access but all of them lead us to less directly contacting, because they think that communication bay digital devices easier than directly meeting. For example, tend using social media as their consideration to make conversation each other which offers the easiest way and an efficient way although there is no one give guaranty that social media can be clearly send the message.
However, digital media can be leads people to build good relationship and it gives many advantages such as keep in touch between people which are different places, fast access information, and it gives entertainment as well. For illustrates, media devices can connect people which is different area and it can be share document each other such as photo, music and video. As the result, citizen can fast access information from their friends not only that but also society can share entertainment to others.
To sum up, media electronic gives pros and cons but i think that people happier use media than do not use it, nowadays. I hope in the future developed media devices much better than right now.
257 Word. | Hi Louchin, when you post your essay for review, please always remember to post the original instructions / prompt for the essay. As a reviewer, we need that information to guide us in reviewing certain parts of your essay. Mostly it helps us to judge your task accuracy band score. With that said, I will now proceed to give you a general review of your writing task.
In terms of your essay topic paraphrasing, I do not feel that you did a very good job on it. I did not get any background information regarding the actual prompt topic, what the discussion is supposed to cover ( aside from your opinion), and what sort of succeeding discussion I am supposed to expect in the next paragraphs. There is a lack of clarity in your paraphrasing of the topic so the actual theme of the essay is not properly presented to the reader.
When you say that there are pros and cons to an issue, you must make sure to dedicate one paragraph specifically for the pros and another for the cons. The way your essay sounds at the moment, there is no separation in the discussion. This produces a lack of clarity in your thought process and shows the examiner that you do not have any really cohesive and coherent ideas for discussion regarding the topic.
If you think that merely saying "I think..." in the concluding paragraph represents your opinion in the essay, you are badly mistaken. Your opinion should be a full paragraph on its own that clearly depicts your opinion, ideas, and examples in support of your stance. So what you wrote is not really a conclusion but rather, another paragraph that represents your opinion.
Overall, you need to work harder on the formatting of the essay. You must pay attention to the way that you discuss the topics. Make sure that you try your best to present a logical thought process in your succeeding essays in order to help you improve your test scores. At the moment, this essay would fail within the band scores. |
*This is my first essay of task 2 in IETLS writing part. I need your help to find my improving points in writing skill. Thank you a lot for reading this.* :)
**Too much exercises is bad for one's health, do u agree or disagree with this statement?**
The health benefit of regular exercise and physical activities are hard to ignore but it is impossible to argue against the fact that doing too much exercises also hold unexpected dangers.
First and foremost, too much exercises have negative impact on their physic health. Especially, the damage will be more and more grave if they do exercise in a wrong way that lead to the muscle pain. As well as this, heart needs to work harder to pump blood to their brain. This is mainly because human body has limits and when they heart can't respond anymore, can cause negative effect, their body probably fall into a coma which is also a main reason of heart disease. For example, there are people, who choose to run as much as possible as a way of losing weight, but the result is that, they will possibly take all of these damages above or even die.
Futhermore, the problem is not only badly impact on physic health but also cause serious mental health problem. For instance, being exhausted from getting out of breath, people will lose motivation to run their daily life. This mean that, productivity would certainly decline. Consequenly, too much exercises waste time and excessive consumption of one's energy, which can contribute to a poor health.
In conclusion, I personally believe that the more doesn't mean better, it is wise for people if they decide to do exercise at a suitable intensity, which can brings the best result of working out. | Anh, since this is your first try at the writing task, I will not score you based on the writing band. The reason I will not do that is because I would like to concentrate on pointing our the shortcomings of your essay so you can take note of them for future improvement. These will be the parts that you should be sure to show improvement on when you complete your future writing tasks.
To start with, the introductory paragraph needs to be made stronger. Your paraphrasing of the prompt is not adequate enough. It is too short and does not supply the reviewer with a reference as to the discussion outline that will be undertaken in the essay. An example of an improved paraphrased introduction would be as follows:
*While has often been said that exercise is good for the health, recent exercise trends have shown that the opposite of this belief may also be true. There is a growing public opinion that too much exercise could also be bad for one's health. As an observer of the growing exercise trend, I tend to agree that too much exercise could have negative effects on health. I will discuss my reasons for supporting this belief in the following paragraphs.*
Kindly take note of the length of the paraphrased introduction. It must be at least 3 sentences long, properly sum up the meaning of the prompt, and deliver your discussion points for the succeeding paragraphs.
You need to practice dividing your paragraphs by placing a space between the discussion topics. The current format of the essay places undue stress on the reader's eyes. Keep in mind that you are also being scored on the presentation of the essay so make sure to add spaces to allow the reader's eyes to breath in between statements. It also helps in the comprehension of your work and allows the reader to easily refer back to certain information within the paragraphs.
Make sure to write a full 5 paragraphs in order to deliver the required number of paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a minimum of 3 sentences, maximum of 5. You will need to adjust the content of your current paragraphs in order to meet this highly specific requirement of the writing task format.
Please always remind yourself that your opinion is not considered the conclusion of the essay. Rather, it is considered either the 3rd of 4th paragraph. So that means you need to be able to provide acceptable information in support of your opinion. Do not rely on a simple concluding statement to represent your opinion and conclusion. You will definitely loose points for that.
As for the conclusion, you need not make it complicated. It is simply the same as your opening statement. You should conclude by simply saying something similar to:
*To conclude this essay it is important to take note of the fact that the evidence previously presented in this essay strongly supports the discussion that...*
Cover your writing task requirements in the aforementioned manner and I guarantee that you will get at least 6 on your band score in all 4 sections of scoring. |
Needless to say, organisms use their own characteristic to take a breath such as mammals use their lung for helping them to draw in breathe while fish use gills for this activity. It is inevitably that most of people dream of swimming under the water without any hardship. They are passionate about the newest emerged technology that is able to extract the oxygen become some tools in order to people receive the oxygen consumption. In the bygone era, some researchers would predict that in the immediate future, people can dwell in the water without any harm. After many times, the scientists in collaborate with inventors made an advanced in technology to evolve this idea. Astonishingly, the result of their experiment came up with insect can live in the water for the long run with using bubble of air via the tiny tubes. By looking this animal adaptations, dwelling in the water for people become a common desire for most of people in the whole world. | Nina, once again you seemingly present a personal opinion in what should be an objective summation of an article that you have just read. By the way, were is the link to the article for our reference? The summary is good but lacks in actual information since you do not refer to the proper keywords, terms, or descriptions for the various options that you present in this essay. Who were the scientists who undertook this experiment? Where was it done? You have to refrain from making these summaries an opinion paper because your opinion is not called for.
So do not use terms such as "Needless to say" because this connotes a personal opinion on your part instead of information coming from the essay. It also changed the overall focus of the essay from a summary to an opinion because you placed it at the start of the summary introduction. Always make it clear that you are just offering a summary of information and content and not a personal opinion. That is easy to do provided you stop using words that define the content as an opinion rather than a part of the information from the original source. |
**Writing Task 1 - Which communication skills are essential in your job?**
The given table illustrates the finding of two studies, in 1997 and 2006. It aims to ask workers which the varied skills should they have. It is noticeable that in term of external communication, dealing with people had the highest number while listening carefully to colleagues was an essential ability to communicate with the internal party.
Selling product or service skill was the lowest percentage over the period of time, it was at 24 and 21 respectively. However, the skill of knowledge of particular products or services increased slightly from 35 to 41 and it overtook advising or caring for customers or clients in the second position in 2006.
Meanwhile, listening carefully to colleagues was a vital skill within the company. Its percentage increased significantly to just under a half in 2006. In contrast, making speeches or presentations was the most peripheral ability, however, its figure showed a slight increment by 4 in 2006.
* | Lincoln, there was only one study covering 2 questions presented in the chart. So you made a mistake in your summary overview regarding that part of the information provided. You need to be careful when presenting information from the essay. You will be losing points for those mistakes. You should also have proceeded to divide your single long sentence into 2 sentences so that you could have met the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph for this task. Sadly, meeting the minimum sentence requirement per paragraph was a consistent problem in your essay.
I am not as concerned with your grammatical problems as I am with the way that you were unable to meet the immediate requirements of the essay for one reason alone. You manage to include all of the required information from the chart in the essay, but in the wrong paragraph format. One major error can create a major deduction in your points. That is why I am very concerned with the presentation of your essay. Remember this, make it your mantra "3 sentences minimum , 5 maximum sentences per paragraph" and you should be able to meet the format requirement every time you write a task 1 essay.
As for the grammar accuracy, don't worry about it. You did well in terms of presenting the information from the essay. Like I said, it is not the grammar that should be of concern here. Rather, the fact that you are unable to divide your sentences into proper complex or simple sentences is what you should focus on improving in your upcoming essays. |
The table presents that the percentages of students attending secondary school types in three years of 2000, 2005 and 2009. Overall, the specialist schools, grammar schools and voluntary-controlled schools experienced decrease who students attended between 2000 and 2009. Meanwhile, the community schools climbed and became the highest percentage of students who attending secondary school in the same period.
Between 2000 and 2005, the percentage of specialist schools declined roughly 1% from 12% to 11% and it had the similar pattern by 2009. In the grammar schools percentage rapidly dropped in the every period (2000, 2005 and 2009) slightly under 25%, moved at 19% and then stood at 12%.
After 5 years the proportion showed several changes, While voluntary-controlled schools started getting fewer students (38%), community schools began getting far more students (32%) than this type of schools had 5 years earlier. At the last in 2009, the community schools had more than a half of result secondary rate and became the highest proportion among given pupils type.
* | Ichaa, it is important for you to continuously represent the type of school in your summary. Specially in your last paragraph where you mention the digits for 2009. It seems that you decided to get sloppy and just gloss over the information by giving a worded overview instead of presenting the actual 2009 figures. For accuracy purposes, the essay must present all of the pertinent data until the very end of the summary. Otherwise, the summary becomes less informative and the process inaccurate.
Additionally, the last 2 paragraphs do not meet the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences per paragraph. You can easily resolve that issue by turning your commas into periods. Thus making a new sentence for each presentation rather than making it one continuously related sentence, which is what the comma creates in the sentences. |
In truth, All of owner pets prefer to explain their dogs's character.It is has became a custom there.But the issue of animals' capability is not one that has been formally studied all that much.Based on research that a species of bird into groups of more and not aggressive male,However they found that each type of individual quiet different of behavior in each of these situations.somehow they also found that the birds more likely to take risk also were the ones largely to be trapped.So,They raising important questions about the skewed sample set presented when researchers base their findings on animals caught in traps. | Vicky, where is the link to the article that you based this summary on? We need the link in order to compare your summary with the original. Otherwise, we cannot tell if you missed some information or misrepresented some information in your summary. At the moment, what I can tell you as of this moment is that your summary is really too short at 103 words. You should always aim for the minimum 150 words per essay. This will not only show a minimal ability to develop an English sentence structure, but will also allow you to carefully present some grammatical skills and vocabulary knowledge in the essay.
The summary that you wrote does not contain any transition phrases or sentences, which makes the introduction of the various information sudden and seemingly disconnected from each other. It would seem that you just took note of some highlights from the report and typed it as it was presented. There is no development of the ideas that would have added to the information that the summary could have imparted to the reader.
You have made a pretty good effort with this summary but I know that you could do better. I look forward to your succeeding essays which, I am sure will benefit from the notes I have given you above. I hope you remember to apply the changes in your upcoming essays. That is, if you have the chance to do so. |
**Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. On the contracy, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion?**
Answer:
It's argued that computer games are valueless and harmful to children's mental and physical development. This essay compeletly agrees with this opinion due to the bad effects these games bring to teenagers. The essay will show why it approves of the opinion.
First of all, one of the most obvious damages is that these games are highly addictive. It is universal known that many teenagers usually sit in front of computer screen for many straight hours or even a whole day to play games. As a consequence, they spend less time doing excercises and thus many of them start having health problems. According to a recent report, the proportion of obesity among adolescents in some big cites in Vietnam is really high and the main factor responsible for it are eating too much sweet and lack of physical activities. Some others surveys even said that many young male boys had died as a result of playing too much games without intake.
On the other hand, addiction to computer games is definitely damaging to children's mentality in various aspects. For one thing, spending more time in playing games means having less time for study. It is not surprised that those who are addicted to games always find it hard to meet the deadline of their school assignments. For another, it is too difficult for children to pay attention to their studies when their mind just concentrate to games. Furthermore, lots of obscene and vilolent scenses in computer games might bring them to commit criminal actions.
In short, from the points mentioned above, it is fair to conclude that computer games are indeed valueless and detrimental to the development of young children. Therefore, schools as well as parents should be alert to the issue and find effective remedy to restrict chidren to access computer games. | John, for starters, your opening statement has a redundancy because you stated your opinion twice in the paragraph. You only need to state that once. What you should have done, was increase the amount of overview information that you presented after the paraphrasing of the prompt. Presenting a summary of the upcoming discussion would have helped to not only avoid redundancy, but also provided a better focus for the reader in terms of being able to follow your flow of thought and discussion.
When you quote information your essay such as "according to recent reports", you need to be able to mention who mentioned, the information and why, along with where you got the information. Otherwise, it becomes hearsay and weakens the essay. Hearsay means that there is no actual source of the information so it should not be deemed as true and verified. It is best if you just keep the information in this type of essay limited to your personal experience or knowledge. That way your task accuracy score is not affected.
Then we have the problem of you mentioning schools in the concluding statement of the essay. The schools were never part of the original prompt information and therefore, should not be included in any of your paragraphs. Add to that the fact that you should not have presented the resolution to the problem as your concluding statement.
The resolution should have been another paragraph in the essay. Ideally, it should have been the 4th paragraph with the 5th paragraph representing the summation of the prompt, discussion, plan of action, and your opinion. Keep in mind that no new ideas can be presented in the conclusion as there is not enough room to continue developing the discussion if it becomes necessary to do so in order to close the essay. |
**Snowman Revenge**
Mary was 10 yers old, he likes playing with snow, he makes the snowman in front of her house. In her village the snow only falls once or twice. While the snow falls mary makes snowman with her brother. They make snowman in the yard.
The snowman's hand made of twig, eyes from stone and nose made of carrot. They are very proud with their snowman next to street. Many people are happy with their snowman.
So around 5 P.M. their family go outside and look at their snowman. The family is happy and take foto with snowman. So Mary and her family gat in to house for dinner together. Suddanly they hear truck's sound in outside. Jim runs to outside directly. Jim knows this truck. It is scott's truck.
Scott brikes mary's snowman by he truck. So mary cries, then jim makes again the snowman. Jim makes bigger snowman. Suddanly scott go to new snowman to brike again. But jim has made a trep. Scott get the trep and he truck broke.
Jim laughes because he has secret. The snowman is built on hydrant.
readitenglish | Iklasul, it seems to me that you did not even try to create an original summary for this story that you are presenting. You only changed some parts to include grammatical and sentence structure errors but you did not change enough for me, as a reviewer, to not realize that you plagiarized most of the content of your summary. This is not an original summary and the original article is linked to the work that you did to prove it.
This summary would get a failing score in the actual test because you did not even try to apply some effort in properly summarizing the story. You have to at least try to write an original summary so that we can properly help you. It is better to present a bad, but original summary, then what you have presented here. |
Everyone has already taught from their teacher, That An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, which means if someone mistreats you and considers you As his enemies, You ought to give him revenge As far as you can, with reference to his action for you.
However, your God has said " do not tried to attempt a revenge to your enemies" in the event that he slaps your cheek, then turn and let him slap your other cheek or someone sues your shirt, give up your coat and let him take it. On the other hand, At all times people said "Love your neighbour and hate your enemies" but your God said "Love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you" then you will be acting such a good man, in the final analysis God will reward for your kindness. | Ahmad, do you have a prompt that you are responding to with this statement? I am not sure about how to review the content because I have no idea where your response is coming from and what it should apply to. However, even without knowing the prompt, I know that the essay is riddled with punctuation, grammar, and lexical problems.
For example, you do not have properly placed periods in the essay even though you knew to capitalize the start of the next sentence. So I knew where the next started and the other one ended. Why did you forget to place the period in those areas? The same opinion applies to the way that you did not use punctuation marks when you should have within the essay. There are also coherence problems with the statement such as the reference to someone "sues" a shirt. I am not sure what you meant by sues. Did you mean "uses" and not "sues" ?
Keep in mind that you should review your responses and make sure that the reader will be able to understand what you saying clearly. Otherwise, your explanation or response will fail in its task of informing the reader. Are you doing this exercise or a qualifying test? Please let us know because the advice for you can be adjusted even further in order to help you pass those tests. Otherwise, this basic advice will already deliver some very important reviews and advice for your English writing development. |
In Ghana, most people who living in mining areas depend on mining activity as their main jobs. But, in fact mineral wealth in protected forest areas have exploited by this activity. Duo to the fact that the mining, Ghana, Which has 270 forest reserves, lost a great number of wood resources. Caudjoe Awudi, a corporate planning manager at Ghana's government forestry commission, believed the mining harmed land and water as well. For example, Densu river in the Atiwa forest reserve, Manzam and Tano Offin in the western region of Ghana. To solve this problem, working with community and law enforcement agencies has been done by Ghana's government. Nevertheless, according to Hannah Owusu-Koranteng, a director at WACAM, a community based human rights group, augmented that brave moving have to apply to handle the problem such as a new policy which control companies and penalties for infringing must be tightened.
Source : voanews | Dedy, your grammar accuracy problems in the sentence development and confusing use of lexical resources have made an otherwise informative summary immensely difficult for the reader to comprehend. I found that I had to read your passages multiple times before I was able to figure out what it was that you were trying to say. Most of the problems come from your lack of English language vocabulary.
Due to your unfamiliarity with the language, you had a tendency to use the wrong term in reference to an action (e.g. duo instead of due). It would be best if you refer to a dictionary, if you have the chance to do so in order to look up the meaning of a word before you use it in the essay. Lexical accuracy is important because it shows an advanced knowledge of English language and comprehension abilities as well.
As for the body of your essay, when you say that the illegal actions of the residents are causing harm to the water and land areas of Ghana, make sure to cite the examples of the damage done from the original article. This offers the reader a better idea of the summary that you are presenting. Let's just say that what you lack in coherence quality, the example should make up for in helping the reader understand your message.
So, the essay suffers an overall task accuracy problem due to the grammatical and lexical errors which led to a very weak cohesive and coherent structure for your essay. I hope that you can address these weaknesses in your next practice test Take note of my advice regarding improving your English word usage as you write your next test. If we cannot improve your comprehension and sentence development skills, it will be difficult for you to pass this section of the test. |
There was some theories which revealed that the real person who discovered America was not Columbus. Firstly, Zuan Chabotto, a person who traveled to places and decided to go to Venetia, claimed that Columbus did not reach into North America until 1498. Zuan Chabotto, was well known as John Cabot, had sailed into North America in the previous year earlier, 1497. It was proven by Alwyn Ruddock, an English scholar, in 1966. He found a letter by John Day, an English merchant, which mentioned that Cabot had reached in North America before Columbus did. Unfortunately, Ruddock had ordered to completely destroyed this letter untill it was not exist anymore at his death, in 2005.
Secondly, the greatest scholar and an honoured scientist who came from Uzbekistan, Abu Raihan al-Biruni, had learned about earth's co-ordinates, erath's circumference, and the principal of particular gravity. He had a great mind about an unknown suface of the Earth, which located between Europe and Asia, and able to be lived. Although Biruni had reached his conclusion about the land in 1037, he had not laid eyes at anytime. While Leif Ericson was a person, who had been sent to a foreign country to teach about Christian, had reached North America in 1000 with lack of understanding about what he had found.
Overall, until the present time, Biruni is getting his tittle of the discoverer of North America because of his calculations and observations. He was the greatest Central Asia explorer among the other earliest explorer.
Source : History Today | Septia, your information presentation is confusing and does not allow the reader to accurately follow your flow of discussion. This happened because you made a mistake in your second sentence presentation. The main question that creates a glaring flaw in your summary is "Who is Zuan Chabotto?". This is followed up by "When did he travel to the Americas?". Finally, "Was he recorded in history as being the first one to land on America?" More importantly, what criteria was used in the research article to assess who rightly discovered America? Was it based on who landed first? Or who named the country and claimed it for his mother country?
The sentence development in the overall essay is not really good. It causes stress for the reader because it leaves one with more questions rather than answers because of the fact that your summary lacks key information which were contained in the original source. The explanation of the discovery of the letter is so wanting that it is obvious that there is a lack of understanding on your part. You need to practice more of your listening skills and seek the advice of your instructor regarding how to better recognize key words and essential parts within written text.
Always review your work before submission. If you find that you cannot understand certain parts, then go back to the original if you still can and look for the additional information to clarify your essay. It is of the utmost importance that you present accurate information in your essay because the examiner knows what to look for and that will have an effect on your final score. |
Recently, US Department of Justice had established law enforcement that can hack our computer no matter where you are. They think this is very essential, while the privacy advocates say this too much power. This decision make them to be able to plant hacking software on a computer that is disgusting its location. They have a tool prosecutor to use for identifying suspects in financial crimes and child porn cases, who typically use tools to hide their computers' IP addresses.
Because of that, government decision still become pro and contra. Yes, it is true that can boost the power of surveillance, even make the country safer. Unfortunately, plant software on computers is too severe for each human privacy rights. As Andrew Crocker, a staff attorney at the privacy-oriented Electronic Frontier Foundation, said that this rules is more than procedural, even more authorized than before. Until now, some judgers still refuse to approve it, because it too powerful for government in someone privacy area.
Unfortunately, the US government was already hacking US citizens. They argue that it is actually part of investigation in the criminal accidents. According to Crocker, government has been hacking regular people's computer for at least 15 years. There investigated sites visitors related to child pornography. It is actually good, but sometimes they also hack for people that actually not act as bad guys. They argue it is because too hard or nearly to impossible to select one by one, and more easy to spread the hacking tool software randomly. | Mushon, please remember to refer to the country that is being reported about in the summary. When summarizing a report based upon a country or location, it must be mentioned in the summary in order to answer the "Where?" question. All the more it must be mentioned because you are not a resident of the United States of America and therefore, should not make it sound like the ruling in question affects you when it does not. That is a misrepresentation that creates an inaccuracy in your report. Therefore, the U.S. Department of Justice established a law that allowed law enforcement officials to hack U.S. based computers, not wherever a person is.
Pay attention to the tense usage in your essay. Since these reports have already happened and you are merely summarizing the information, the correct tense usage would be "past" tense. In addition to that, your lexical resource is really quite faulty in this essay. For example, "judgers" should be "judge" as you are referring to the position of authority and not an act of judgement. "Plant" should be "planting" since it refers to the act of placing something in a position of use.
It would seem like you have a pretty good grasp of the issue being discussed. The main problem we have here lies in your lexical resource and grammatical accuracy sections. I suggest that you pay particular attention to those sections in your next essays. |
**Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**
In my country-Taiwan, many high schools encourage students to be a volunteer. But being a volunteer is not a mandatory requirement. Some people state that this kind of unpaid community service should be included in high school curriculum. In my point of view, I am on the support side of this statement.
The against people argue that the reason of these high school students willing to do such extra work is doubtable. The real reason is that they think of the certification of volunteer as an extra bonus to applying the university. It proofs that you don't only concentrate on studying but pay extra attention on social issue. Therefore, it is too controversial to set this kind of programmes in school.
On the other hand, I believe the high school students are mature enough to participate in social activities. They can learn lots from these experiences, such as being thoughtful to the handicapped and understanding their parents' efforts on themselves. You can observe that in modern society, many students take everything for granted, and they lack sympathy. By setting these programmes in school, it seems a good way to lead them toward the right path.
To sum up, there are pros and cons toward the unpaid community service being compulsory progammes. But isn't it a good chance to these students to gain something different from formal education. | Arlen, in terms of task accuracy, the essay would possibly score a 5 for a number of reasons. With regards to Task Accuracy, the problems with your work are as follows:
1. While you generally address the prompt in an acceptable paraphrase, there is no clear overview to your essay because there is no introductory data to support your stance.
2. While you discussed certain important parts of the essay, it is not properly developed within the paragraph so there is no clear purpose for the discussion being presented at certain times within the essay.
With regards to coherence and cohesion, you could score a maximum of 4 because:
1. There is no logic or coherence to the way that you have your paragraphs set up.
2. The progression of the discussion is affected by your lack of properly arranged ideas even though you are presenting somewhat correct information within the paragraph.
3. There is an obvious lack of properly used cohesive devices.
In terms of your lexical resource, expect another 4 based upon:
1. An obvious limited vocabulary range which could have been better helped by the presence of a dictionary or thesaurus while you were developing your essay.
2. Your inability to form simple, understandable sentences really caused your self-expression to be incomprehensible to the reader. Hence, there as no way to properly understand what you were trying to explain in some paragraphs, specifically paragraph 2.
3. The passages were not easy to understand and left the reader wondering as to what you were actually trying to say due to the lack of proper word usage in developing your sentences / paragraphs.
Grammar accuracy and range in my opinion would only be a 4. Reasons for this are as follows:
1. There is a limited range of sentence structures presented in the essay. The sentences often do not follow the proper sentence development rules.
2. The errors in sentence development are simply too numerous. The grammatical errors contained in the essay make it extremely difficult for the reader to understand what you are trying to say even after having read the passage twice or 3 times. |
**All children should study a foreign language in school starting in the earliest grades. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?**
Some people believe that parents require their children to learn regarding a new language in the earliest stages. A foreign language is the most important consideration for parents toward their children. I consider believe, thera are numerous benefits study in term of a foreign language.
First of all, many people say that studying a foreign language is extremely significant. A lot of advantages for children, they are able to know that language is something to enjoy and to explore. As a matter of fact, they are capable of teaching other people who have not understood yet. Some children have the ability to gain their goal with study in the neighborhood of new language, they also are capable of discovering new experience by learning a new language.
Second of all, other people say that learning a new language is very difficult for children in light of the fact that they have to finish their other lessons that given by teacher, so children require a long time to understand a new language. Consequently, they cannot arrange their time to focus other lessons. For example, children have a lot assignment from their teacher, they must finish wide range of subjects that they cannot do rapidly.
Deeply deliberating over the issue, i strongly argue that learning a new language is very important for children in the earliest stages. They should do it for the reason that it influences for their bright future, and also parents must give to support for their children to begin now. | Abib, you would only get a 3 on the task accuracy score for this essay because you not only did not present the paraphrased prompt correctly in the opening statement, you also did not accurately discuss the topic of the essay. There is a big difference in the discussion of early language learning in school starting at early grades and studying languages at the earliest stages. There are no proper supporting discussions presented in the essay so it is obvious that you did not understand the requirements of the question properly. Your English comprehension skills are graded in the task accuracy and you immediately failed it. I doubt that you would get better scores in the other 3 criteria because you already failed the most important part.
I suggest that you try to write a new, more prompt responsive essay based on the same prompt. When you are not sure of what the prompt is asking you to do, it won't hurt to ask someone who has better English skills than you for clarification. The practice test stage is the best time to make these mistakes so you can adjust your learning needs accordingly. In this case, you need to concentrate more on your English understanding / comprehension skills so that you can write the correct response to the question. |
*I'm currently writing an essay on why lying is justifiable but I feel like the reasons I give are more so examples than anything. I'm currently at a standstill for what do. Feel free to give any feedback! Do you think I should change anything?*
The definition of a lie entails the action of telling an intentionally false statement. Lying is part of human nature. We learn to do so from the moment we can talk and as we grow older, it begins to function more as a second language. We all know liars, and the vast majority of us lie from time to time. Of course, lying does not always attribute to dishonesty, untrustworthiness, or deceit, like we were taught early in our education. In fact, of the 200 lies we are exposed to every day, a fair fraction of them are harmless. We tell these types lies to help another person, or to avoid inflicting hurt feelings. Other times, we lie for the benefit of ourselves, without harming others. **Lying has been always seen as morally wrong, however, there is a multitude of situations where lying is highly justifiable.**
A white lie is defined as a harmless or trivial untruth that is usually told to avoid hurting someone's feelings. In many cases, white lies may be more beneficial compared to the truth. It can prevent unreasonable quarrels between people and leave both sides satisfied. For instance, if you receive a gift that you are not very satisfied with, you would be justified in lying and convincing the other party that you are happy with what you received. If you were to reveal your true feelings instead, you could create future conflict and gain a negative reputation from your peers. In this situation, telling a white lie would have lead to the most positive outcome.
Lying in specific scenarios in order to delay pain or suffering (emotional or physical) may also be justifiable. Sometimes, this may involve lying to a child. If you are given the task to talk to a young child about the death of their loved one, it would be better to lie and give them a scenario that they can cope with and process. The young brain has yet to develop the ability to digest such horrors, so in some cases, it might be better to gloss things over. Lying with the purpose of protecting or delaying a painful situation can be kinder to the receiver than just telling the truth when they may not be ready to hear it.
Moreover, telling a lie to save a life is also acceptable. For example, in a medical situation where a patient enters an operation that can cause him his life, lying about the survival rates can encourage the patient to push to fight for his life. In the case of war, lying to the enemy in a prisoner of war scenario can potentially save the lives of you and your peers. When you have the potential to prevent death through lying, it is completely warranted.
Ever since we were young, we were always taught that honesty is the best policy, and lying is something we should avoid. Whilst this holds some truth, being completely honest is not always the right decision to make. If you were to take anything from this, it should be that telling a lie in certain situations would bring better prospects than speaking the truth. | Rose, actually, your paper is not properly representing the discussion of lies. You say that there are times when lying is justifiable, I will admit that there are situations when that is correct. The problem is, you are not properly categorizing lies in your essay. You speak of white lies only as the focus of your essay. In order to properly support your opinion, you should have used the more professional types of lies which are as follows:
1. Lies of Commission - This is when someone tells something that is not a fact. This is also known as twisting the truth.
2. Lies of Omission - Is when you leave out an important part of information. This is usually easier to tell for people because it entails only telling half the truth.
Had you used the correct professional classification of lies in support of your evidence, the essay would have become more authoritative and shown that you did deeper research for this paper instead of just using the first result that turned up in a Google search. |
**The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey.**
The chart illustrates the estimated sales of jeans for two companies (Mango co. ,and Jack&Jones co.) next year in Turkey. Unites are measured in thousands of pairs per month.
Overall, the total estimated sales for Jack&Jones co. are higher than those for Mango co., except for July and August where Mango co. bypasses it with a slight difference . The highest predicted sales for both companies are in December , while the lowest are in February.
In the first half of the year , January is predicted to have the highest sales for Jack&Jones co. with almost 500,000 pairs in comparison with those for Mango co. with nearly 200,000 pairs. Sales are estimated to decrease for both companies next month to reach about 250,000 and nearly above 100,000 pairs ,respectively . A gradual increase for both is forecasted to reach 400,000 pairs for Jack&Jones co., and almost 300,00 pairs for Mango co. .
In the second half of the year , Mango co. sales are predicted to rise and bypass those of Jack&Johns co. in both July and August with a difference less or more 100,000 pairs . Again , Jack&Johns co. will take the lead starting from September till the end of the year , with a gradual increase in November to reach 900,000 pairs in December , similarly for Mango co. sales are predicted to be steady till it will rise in December reaching approximately 600,000 pairs.
would you please evaluate this essay (according to IELTS evaluation criteria )
waiting your evaluation and your advises .
* | Another word of advice, I suggest that you read the online English business newspapers. Focus on the news articles relating to sales, projections, and other related information. Take note of how they present their information and what information they deem vital to their reports. Try to emulate their style in your writing because the charts, diagrams, and other information that you summarize for these report summary essays are similar in presentation and content. That should help you to develop your writing style in this area as well.
You can call my attention if you need to Mohammed. I will respond when I can. Please just be patient and wait for my response because I may not always be at the computer when you post your essay. The other students and contributors will also make their own suggestions for your improvement though so make sure to consider their advice as well. I will always review your essay even if there are other reviews already there. If I do not respond in an acceptable time frame, please call my attention to it. I might not see it at once as there are multiple essays posted for review at any given time so I might not notice your work immediately. |
The bar chart compares people of different ages in terms of using the Internet between 1998 and 2000.
It is clear that the internet is popular among the 16 to 50 years old people , and over the period shown, Internet usage of the elderly and children also saw a slight increase.
In 1998, the percentage of internet access is highest in the age between 16 and 30 , accounted for more than half of all users. People from 31 to 50 years old were 41% of total internet users, while the figures for people less than 15 and 50 years old or older were lower, at 2% and 4% respectively .
In the last two years, the rate of younger and older rose by 6-7%. By contrast, Internet users aged 16 to 30 decreased slightly to 45% in 1999 and 44 % in 2000. A similar trend was seen in the 31 to 50-year-old people, the number of people accessing the Internet in this age fell marginally within 3 years from 41% to 37% in 2000.
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*picture*
* | Huyen, the overview of the essay as well the succeeding paragraphs are not in compliance with the required minimum number of sentences, that is a minimum of 3 sentences and a maximum of 5 sentences, in order to present what would qualify as a proper summary and overall discussion information presented in this essay.
There is an overall lack of expanded discussion within your essay which would result in your failing this essay test in an actual exam setting. When you do not meet the required minimum number of sentences per paragraph, you end up having a large part of your score lowered, In this instance, I believe you won't score higher than a 1 because you failed to properly develop a logical discussion for the charts presented within your essay. It is not enough to just present the information in essay form, you need to be able to at least, develop a simple discussion regarding the presented information. That is so that you can prove your comprehension and analytical skills to the examiner.
You could have done that in this essay using a comparison of the figures as provided in the chart. Sometimes, simply expanding upon a discussion allows the essay to develop a more cohesive and logical presentation. Please aim to do that in your next essay. I know you can do it. |
**"In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting ..."**
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
The argument that the decrease in attendance at city's art museum results from corporate funding on public television omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. When the corporate funding is threatened, the author anticipates the down-ward trend of visitors and proposes the method of reallocating fund to public television. This alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of rising participants in city's art museum and it certainly does not provide support or proof of the main argument.
To begin with, the author shows a close correlation between people viewing visual arts programs on television and people visiting art museums. This comparison is invalid. There is no evidence that the sample of participants surveyed on television program is the same like that in real museums. Those who attend the arts museum may not watch arts museum program before. And those who view television also may not visit the museum. Due to this reason, the above hypothesis makes the conclusion problematic.
Secondly, there are many ways to improve the revenue of arts museum, not just the sole solution of reallocating fund to public television. The author does not present any proof of decreased attendance of museum due to limited investment in television programs. It is just anticipation. In order to attract many visitors to arts museum, services should be developed and interesting activities can be advertised on the Internet instead of only living art shows on television. Because of these reasons, the given method is not persuasive.
Finally, according to statement given, the funding supporting visual programs comes from corporate parties, whereas state or non-profit organizations are not mentioned. The severe cut on corporate funding may not be large enough to affect the art broadcast. The author lacks a general view of current matter and just focus on only aspect of that. It puts forwards to an unconvincing assumption.
Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely suggesting a solution based on flawed reasons, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing. | Quach, I know that the GMAT essays as scored in increments. However, I would rather just use the baseline scoring system for your work because I am not privy to the other considerations that the professional reviewers have when considering the final essay score. In my honest opinion, I believe that your essay would score with a baseline score of 3 but still lower than a 4. That is because the essay you developed has certain marked flaws that showed a problem in your ability to review the instant information that was delivered to you. What are your major problem points?
For starters, you have to remember to use all of the key points that are delivered for your use in the prompt. In this instance, you were provided with actual figures regarding the attendance at museums and yet, you failed to properly utilize that information in the essay. The constant use of unsubstantiated references in your own discussion, while the references ti support some of your claims existed in the original discussion presentation is one of the weakest points of your analysis.
Due to the weak analysis of the data provided, you were limited in your ability to develop a logical and organized method of presenting your ideas. This led to opinions and analysis that had little value in the overall consideration of your discussion. Adding the problems with sentence structure and variety further lowered the accuracy of your discussion. There were also issues regarding the grammar use in the essay. For example, using the term "living art shows" when you meant "watching art shows" changes the meaning of the sentence and the logic behind your statement. |
Recent year, drought is the crucial problem for some areas in this country like in Papua. Many reasons why it happen and deforestation is one of these reasons. In many perspective, reforestation and forest preservation are the best way to deal with this problem.
First of all, Water is the most important of human needs, but many areas in this country just have little water providing. Deforestation is the main cause of this problem. Marchela, scientist from UGM that focus on plant in her research, say that about 46% trees in this country have been deforested and it makes that area becoming scarcity. Owing to the fact that water can flow easily with subsurface If trees still exist, root of these plant can persevere underground water.
Perserving forest and reforestation are the best way to tackle this problem. Hutama, professor from Upsalla University, say that trees can keep water within subsurface, more tree that still live, more water that is provided. For example, in Borneo, two years ago, this area had a long drought. After there is action to plant trees simultaneously by massive man, right now this area has enough water to fulfil inhabitant needs. On the other hand, deforestation in this country is caused by illegal logging, so to deal with this problem, government should make rule and punishment about that.
All in all, water scarcity is the crucial problem in this country. The main reason of this problem is deforestation and this is caused by many illegal logging. Making rule government about that is the best way to tackle this problem, besides reforestation is needed. | Pramudiana, in reference to your task achievement, the highest score you can garner is only a 4. That is because you failed to cover all of the valid points in the restated prompt so your explanation of the point of your essay was not really clearly presented to the reader. Parts of the essay are really unclear and not able to present any clear ideas.
For cohesiveness and coherence, your score would most likely also be a 4. The flow of thought in your essay is confusing, the discussion does not follow a clear pattern and there is a lack of transition sentences at the end of paragraphs which could prepare the reader for the next portion of the discussion.
In terms of lexical resource, you did your best to use complex vocabulary but failed to effectively use it in the essay. This is because your word choice was not always appropriate for the discussion you presented. The errors in your vocabulary more often than not left the reader irritated because he was left trying to figure out what you are trying to say. So again, this would be another 4 in the scoring range.
The grammatical range and accuracy could not score higher than a 3 because the sentence structures and errors in grammar and punctuation leave the reader wondering as to the meaning of your sentences and paragraphs. So more often than not, the paragraphs end up not making any sense or make it difficult for the reader to understand what you are trying to say.
Don't give up. As you become more familiar with the English language and you progress with your usage in the practice tests, you will find that you will have progressed and have improved your skills. Over time, you will gain a proficiency in the language that will help you to pass your test. We will make sure to help you do that. |
The most modern breakthrough tends to be a simple technology. Astonishingly, McDonalds, the fast food company, will engage in improving its system to become more advanced technology. The reason why is perfectly plain that this business wants to compete for drawing customer to purchase its product instead of taking other items into consideration. As a result, roughly 500 companies in the United States also make advanced in their innovation to garner more attention from prospective buyers so as to generate revenue from them.
time | Nina, you did not write a summary of the article. You wrote an opinion paper. The information for the summary should have included the information that McDonalds will be launching their ordering mobile app in 2017. Making mention of the markets that would be part of the launch should have been a key part of the summary, as well as the recently launched ordering kiosks in their restaurants. Mention of the 500 stores of the 14,000 would have been the best way to conclude the essay because that would inform the reader that they can wait for the technology to become a regular part of their favorite branch's service operations. Overall, this is a very weak and uninformative essay. It does not present any proper information from the original article and as such, doesn't do its job as a summary version of the original work. |
David Hanson as a robotic designer who has opportunity to shows his invention. He present a video to introduced a robot which has truly emotion like human. It can give various expression like smile, angry, and sad. It also can responded and recognized people surrounding. Although, there are many developed to make robot like that. He believe in the future, robot will has ability to understand your speech and feeling, and even can make relationship with human. | Alfin, your essay is constantly changing from present to past to present tense. That really makes it very hard to read because you do not have an accurate timeline reference for the reader to go by. Since you have already viewed the video and are writing the summary, you must completely use the past tense references throughout the summary statement. By the way, the statement could be longer and more informative if you had opted to take more notes regarding the presentation.
I just can't let the grammar problems of your essay go at this point because I know that you have failed the grammar range and accuracy portion of this test. Please allow me to clean up the last sentence of your paragraph because that is the most problematic sentence in your statement. So, for you for your future reference:
*He has indicated that the future versions of the robot will have the ability for speech and feel recognition, as well as creating relationships with humans.* |
The Indonesia government is designing an initiative to certify vocational school students with multiple skill certificates after finishing several specific syllabuses. This plan is developed to improve vocational school system in order to accelerate the personnel recruitment process after receiving diplomas. According to Manpower Ministry, Hanif Dhakiri, SMK programmes would be divided into several levels, each of which involves a specific courses. To bring this plan into reality, the memorandum of understanding (MoU) has been signed by five ministries.
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thejakartapost | Nda, your summary is very good. It offers almost all of the important key points that were discussed in the essay and offered a clear overview of the reason why this development is important to the vocational students. The only critique that I have is that you did not offer examples of the courses or job departments that would benefit from this accelerated certification. As these were mentioned in the closing moments of the original article, it was important for you to have presented that information as well. Your readers would have wanted to know what courses, for example, would be best for them to take in the vocational schools if they wished to find employment based on their trained abilities. That would have increased the length of your essay and made it more adherent to the requirements for this summary test. Save for that lacking information, the essay is an acceptable and informative summary of the original article. |
Legend: places with (i), (ii), (iii), etc. are where the T.A. made comments for revision. These are repeated at the end. Comments on how well I have revised the piece/ suggestions to meet these revisions are welcome.
This 2016 print advertisement from a London-based financial information company taps into people's need for leisure and calls them to thoughtful action about investments through pathos in both visual and textual form. At first glance, its simple arrangement of a sentence fragment and clock components creates competition between money and time to entice the target audience of adult readers new to the investment world to use the company for financial advice; both visual and textual elements create a sense of dichotomy and urgency which is used to sell the service.
Why did this company invoke competition between money and time to lure its audience? The ad uses pathos by speaking to resilient cultural constructions, keenly known to new adults, defining a good life as consisting of two discrete and paradoxical categories, at once opposed and unified-the money made and time spent making it-and of all the relations between the two as an inherent psychological battle for dominance in the observer's brain. This can be seen in the visually competitive framework of the ad when it is not folded out. The stern message of "Remember. Money is everything in life" is contrasted with a collection of clock parts (London). This visual competition speaks to cultural realities enacted in daily life, where abstract ideals of time spent on 'what matters' are continuously accosted by the necessity for money to do 'what matters.'(i) Given this dichotomy there is a clear need of the advertiser for the viewer to only consider these two choices which is reflected in the background colours of the ad. Black and a whitish cream, with a strategically absent gray. No wiggle room; just a binary set of culturally infused ideas. This approach draws in viewers and starts a slow stream of questions and intrigue.
This psychological challenge is couched in a familiar setting for advertisers: questioning previously held notions. The more serious and competitive implications of the print (note the bold lettering and staccato sentence fragment) tell a narrative of weakness in the swirling tide of life's financial pressures. The sentence prompts the viewer to question his or her own merit and priorities. Suddenly, the widely circulated and aspired to notion of money as a stepping stone to happiness-couched in notions of perhaps moral decay (such as some of the rhetoric of young liberals) or a linked fear of the transformative power of competition-is in question. What is a life if you do not have money to enjoy it? Suddenly, societal assertions of money-free happiness are in question (ii): Viewers must decide their own position and consequently think in an extended fashion about the ad. A picture of clocks and a sentence becomes a dialogue concerning social power as well as behavioral negotiation and prioritization. Time itself is laid out as a precious commodity.
The explicit message of the unfolded ad is largely conveyed through text. The text is large, white and prominently placed against a dark background and the previous sentence. There is a clear sequence to the words, slow movement leading to message reversal and capitalization on that reversal. It posits a simple answer to the swirling emotions and questions in the viewer's head after the first page: prioritize time. The inner dialogue of the two halves is set off by itself to emphasise the instincts that London Stock Exchange Group wishes to instill in viewers-a drive that will entice them to let the Group handle their investments. The initial firing up of viewers is cooled and the resulting flow put towards selling the service.
The ad plants the seed in the viewer that time is not just precious in a cultural sense but has its own quantitative value equal to that of money, as demonstrated by the bold line, "Value your time" (London). Such wording implies that success can truly be measured in the manner previously questioned: time spent doing 'what matters.' This equating of value is the driving force behind the ad's success. The creators understand the intended viewers' concerns and expected cultural values; so much so that they have a service built around that concern: investing your money so that you can enjoy 'what matters.' Indeed, the ad seeks to bolster the reader's confidence in the company by first undermining it, thus establishing a connection to the company and piquing interest in its service.
The portrayal of the clocks themselves consolidates all the intricacies embedded in the ad's language and strategies-notions of competitiveness, dichotomy, inner workings laid bare, and so forth-in visual form.(iii) Like its first page textual counterpart, the clocks' portrayal begins in harsh condition after years of work. As such, the grammar of the images draws in the intended audience, offering defiance to the adjacent text. Just as the strategy and language of the advertisement play on two levels of interpretation (text vs. image, "success" vs. leisure), the clocks' portrayal lends itself to multiple meanings as well. These meanings, though ornately hidden, are important to uncover because they reveal the intended thought process of the reader and offer a glimpse of the illusory happiness being struck upon, all in the blink of an eye. It is important to investigate, then, exactly that which the London Stock Exchange Group hopes to communicate visually before the viewer turns the page.
The clocks appear to be languid, almost broken agents. At first glance, their positioning seems straightforward-both are disassembled, wires coiled, passively broken. Upon a more detailed inspection, however, subtle hints of strength can be observed - the clockface, though weathered and worn, was clearly once quite sturdy, while the text, bold and fresh, is placed almost daintily amid an ocean of blank space. While these differences certainly suggest a hierarchy of difference and priority, it is a hierarchy obscured by the advertisements' text. Overall, these two images are seemingly intended to begin a cascade of emotions in the viewer.
Advertising campaigns like the one highlighted above trade in acculturated notions of priority and power. The paradoxical categories of money and time smoothly flow past one another in the swirls of the coiled clocks until the prospective investor is convinced that the service is worthwhile. The advertisement reflects the ways in which these categories circulate in popular discourse, invoking and reinforcing them at the same time. Only by becoming aware of how these concepts are used to bring about a certain conclusion can we attempt to make truly informed choices about products.
(i): Does the background colour work in to this as well? The black and white/cream doesn't leave much room for grey area. Was this used strategically to persuade?
(ii): What about the people for whom it is not called in to question. What effect would this statement have on people who feel very strongly that money ISN'T everything?
(iii): Could the deconstruction of the clocks symbolize some other things - perhaps stopping time, or the irrelevance of time? Is there a dual meaning for the clocks when considering the two meanings of the texts? Perhaps a sense of urgency that fades into the feeling of timelessness that one gets while on vacation or surrounded by family/friends?
T.A.'s overall comments: : In general you did a good job walking the reader through your arguments, but in some cases a little more in-depth analysis would have strengthened your paper. Identifying a specific target audience may have helped focus your discussion of the rhetorical/persuasive devices used as well | Thomas, I wish you had included a file copy of the advertisement that you are discussing in the essay. That way we could have a clearer point of reference for your discussions in the paper. If there is one thing that I would like to suggest for the improvement of your presentation, it would have to be regarding the demographics of the ad. Who is the ad designed for? If we know the target audience, age range, buying capacity, and other relevant material, or information regarding the target ages and scenarios. Connecting the demographics by making them inclusive to the research statements allows the research to present more accurate information to the reader and properly supports your claims and documentation in the report. |
**Question**
**Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problems.**
**To what extend do you agree with this statement?**
**Answer**
Nowadays, most of children in elementary school have a habit like always uses handphone. Even, almost every parents gives handphone to their son. Numerous children use their handphone for bad activity such as watch and save pornograph in their handphone. In fact, 70 percent children have been watched or seen pornograph since elementary school. In my view, it's tremendous dangerous because according research that pornograph can ruin the brain human and can alter habits after see it. Therefore, education institution and parents must role for solve this problem.
Firstly, Education regarding pornograph must start from family. Parents must tell to their children about pornograph can harm them. Furthermore, they also must prevent with no let their children alone when use handphone and better if parents only allow their children play with handphone in weekend and always remain to accompany their children.
Secondly, school also support their student when at school. However, when children are studying in school, teacher has responsibility to avoid their student from bad affect particularly pornograph. One of solution they can repeatly give them knowledge about pornograph and sex education. It's very important, hence most of children have curiousity about everything. So education institution also must together with parents solve this problem.
Thirdly, society also give bad affect for children. When they has bad friends, probably they wiill follow their friends. They will influenced easily. In contrast, when they have many good friends, it can make them follow they friend's habit. Because that society also determine ways of life to children.
In conclusion, I agree education institution and parents are essensial to solve this problem. They must need to solve this problem together. | Alfin, did you copy your paper from Yuri's essay? Somehow the two of you made the same mistake in referring to handphones as the central theme of your essay instead of opting to do what the prompt is asking you to do. That is to agree or disagree with the statement previously provided in the prompt. You even go on to discuss pornography in the essay. When the actual focus of the response should have been on whether the school and the parents of a child are both responsible for the unhealthy lifestyle of children or not. Band score for task accuracy would be 1 due to prompt deviation. Inability to properly paraphrase the prompt requirements and improper discussion of the topic provided. That is even though your conclusion is in line with the prompt provided. The whole discussion prior to that deviated from the prompt expectations and requirements. Therefore, your failed in the task accuracy component which, as we all know, comprises a great deal of the final score because that is the basis of your English comprehension skills scoring. Failure to comprehend instructions means you do not have the right English intellectual capacity to succeed outside of the English training classroom yet. |
Nowadays, we cannot deny that in our life there is a separation by our power or capability that is called social status. A studying in America has already shown that social status such as wealthy and poor it influence to health and welfare of people, even for monkeys.
Furthermore, a research at the Yerkes National Primate Research Centre at Emory University regarding rhesus monkeys has found that high-rank monkeys tended to have more better of natural killer cells. In the other words, it is mean that monkeys which have higher rank in their group have more better resistance against viruses than monkeys which have lower rank.
Meanwhile, when the monkeys were resorted, at the moment the low-rank monkeys were moved into the high-rank group, and the research found that it very affected to their immune bodies. Their immune bodies which low at the past became more better as their enjoyed their life with their new members in the high-rank group.
source : newscientist | Dedy, let's start with the problem of your topic sentence at the start of your summary. Your paraphrasing or restatement of the topic that the article discussed is all wrong. Since the article dealt with the study of popularity and its health ramifications on monkeys, then you should have presented the same topic in your thesis statement or topic sentence. After all, all of the information you should be presenting must relate to the original information from the article. So you need to further develop and correct the content of that opening paragraph which, by the way, is too short to be considered a proper paragraph length.
Your summary should be at least 3 paragraphs in length because you needed to devote one paragraph to an explanation or summary of the study done on the Rhesus Monkeys. The whole premise of your second paragraph can only understood if you properly summarize and present the social experiment that the scientists did on the monkeys. Without that connecting paragraph, the whole summary becomes confusing and difficult to understand.
When you write a summary essay, always remember to take note of key words and information that you should include in your summary. Any procedures, such as the experiments done on the social hierarchy of the monkeys present key and vital information regarding the results of the study. So when you are presenting a scientific study, it is imperative that you always present a summary of how the experiment was conducted before you present the results. This makes your summary informative, authoritative, and acceptable as fact to the reader. More importantly. It shows that you have adequate English comprehension skills that can assist you in your studies when the time comes. |
**What Your Social Media Profile Photo Says About Your Personality**
Social media has become need everyone in the world. People upload profile photo in social media and it will describe their personality. There are an attempt to match the profile pictures about 66,000 Twitter users with their personality traits. Preoţiuc-Pietro and his colleagues analysed each person's 3200 most recent tweets. It is done to quickly categorize the personalities of thousands of Twitter users. On the other hand, from the group of 66,000 only 434 which completed a traditional psychological survey. extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness and neuroticism were big five personality traits which scored by users. The research showed a correlation relationship between test results and the features of each profile picture. Nevertheless, Mandy Jennifer Golbeck at the University of Maryland want to see in profile pictures from other platforms such as Facebook. Meanwhile, said David Stillwell at the University of Cambridge that analysis of the profile pictures are not enough to replace a personality. There are several methods to describe a person's personality by combine the analysis of the profile photo and status of social media users.
newscientist | Andi, while the grammar and sentence structure problems abound in your essay, it does not remove from the meaning of your summary. Your information is complete and accurate enough to authoritatively inform the reader about the data that you gleaned from the original article. There are proper references to the key aspects of the essay such as the other studies that relate to the study of a person's social media profile that will be sure to increase your final score in the actual test. That said, I have to point out the problem aspect of the essay though. The only problem that I can see relates to your first sentence in your opening. The meaning is lost. It doesn't really make sense because the full thought development of the sentence is not completed. There is no topic phrase or keyword that could have helped to give that sentence more meaning in relation to the rest of the summary. Aside from that sentence problem, the rest of the essay did very well in terms of task accuracy. |
Studying abroad is one of the best ways to experience the culture of a country, to acquire more knowledge, to get career opportunities and intercultural development and to discover new strengths. I believe it would be a good idea for this to be mandatory for university students. For this reason, I would like to point out some good reasons with examples, why a semester abroad should be obligatory. | Hey Mariel, your opening paragraph sounds alright. However, I would like to know what the prompt requirement or instructions from your instructor are for the development of this essay. You see, the opening statement needs to be an accurate paraphrasing of the original prompt so I need to be able to refer to the original instructions to do that. In the meantime, you can further improve the opening statement by removing the phrase that says "s. For this reason..." Just immediately tell the reader that you will be discussing reasons as to why studying abroad will be a good idea. I am not sure what kind of essay instruction you were given so I am not sure if you should be discussing the pros and cons of studying abroad. Please provide us with the original instructions so that we can offer you more relevant advice as to how to improve the paragraph. |
Pundits said inhabitants who has less money or low education prove from research that they have more compassion and empathy than their wealthy counterparts, according from psychological studies. In social scientist speak, "self-oriented behavior" is more likely to be exhibited by people with higher educations, excelent jobs, high incomes, and overall higher-ranking social status.The paper also claims that people with less education and less money tend to be more generous with what money they do have | Alfin, where is the link to the article? You know very well that we rely on our reading of the original article to help you improve upon your current work. I hope that you noticed how short your summary is. Due to its brevity, I cannot accurately assume or say that you have an informative summary presented for review. There was a failure on your part to mention who is speaking (Pundit? Who is the pundit?). While I can assume that there is more to the psychological studies, I would have liked to have seen a mention of the title of the study, who commissioned it, what the target demographic was for the study, and how many people were in the sample rate. All of these are important information that would probably have been found in the original article but you failed to present in your summary. Thus making your summary more of a hearsay and not really authoritative in presentation. Please remember to add the link to the original article the next time you post a summary for review here. |
***Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage***s?
Some linguists think that children should start practicing a foreign language at primary school instead of secondary school. Since they will gather many advantages such as at that age, new knowledge is more easily to gain and they have much time to master it further. However, sometimes they will face hesitation because of language mixed. So, this essay will discuss benefits outweighed drawback.
Some people encouraged children to learn foreign language at primary school, because it is a golden age, which children can be more facile catch the new words and sounds then imitate it precisely. Besides, they can prepare themselves to practice more in language stages such as grammar in the next step of their life. Oxford University have conducted study to compare language mastering of international primary school students and general high school students and resulted that their managing language of primary students were almost the same as high school students in vocabulary mastering. It proved that children gain as much as vocabulary with the older people who did not intend to learn language. So, if they continue to learn they will master the language.
Nevertheless, learning non-mother language sometimes trigger non-fluency of children in talk using mother language. Take my cousin as an example. He is studying in international school where he had to speak English. He is very fluency in English, but when I talked to him with Indonesian language, he will speak doubting as he has just learned bahasa, even his mother language is Indonesian language.
All in all, the language expertise may be true that children have to learn foreign language at primary school since they will be easy to gather or remember words and applying it. Then, it is saving time to learn more at secondary school in next steps even though they may experience some hesitation in mixed language. This essay has already revealed the excellence outweighed weakness. 313w | Nur, in terms of overall task accuracy, you will definitely get a 5. That is when your overall discussion, as well as your paraphrasing of the prompt are considered for the final score in that scoring bracket. Your cohesion and cohesiveness will most likely follow in the same vein and score another 5 because you were able to present a logical, although sometimes confusing discussion of the prompt using somewhat proper cohesive devices. Lexical resource proves to be your weakest point though because of the way that you are using improper terms for describing your thoughts or explaining your positions. Due to the problems that the poor vocabulary choices creates for your essay, the lexical resource will score no higher than a 3. Finally, grammar range and accuracy leaves me scoring you with a 4. The errors that your sentence development creates normally makes it difficult for the reviewer to grasp your discussion. Sometimes, I find myself second guessing your meaning or I really just get confused by your grammar presentation. Overall though, you have a pretty good attempt at explaining the essay. I only wish you can pay more attention to developing your grammar and vocabulary so that you can get a higher score in your next practice test. You need to score higher than a 5 in all sections to get a decent score. |
Todd Coleman as Bioelectronics innovator and TED' speaker who explain about new technology which has many advantages. It just like temporary tatoo but flexible electronic health monitoring patient in everyhere. It can monitoring, human temprature, hearth rate. It can help doctor to monitoring and give suggestion to patient. This is revolutionary health care and make medicine less invasive.
Source : TED | Alfin, there are so many problems with your summary that I do not really know where to begin. I guess I have to start at the most obvious place, the length of the essay. As you very well know, your summary should be at least 2 paragraphs long. In this instance, you barely created one paragraph. Therefore, your essay does not pass the length requirements of the test section.
Then we come to the content of the essay itself. I have absolutely no idea of what you are trying to say. Let me put it this way, in terms of cohesiveness and coherence, it would score a 1. There is absolutely no point in the information or discussion you are presenting. There is no point to your discussion. I cannot find a beginning, middle or end to your statements.
You should have mentioned more about the technology and the way it works. What is the technology called? Where was it presented? Why is it important? These are but a few of the all too important data that the summary should have contained in order to be deemed an accurate summary of the article. I assume it was an article because you even forgot to provide the link to the TED talk that you are talking about. |
**Question :
An increasing number of people in these days prefer consuming fast food to home prepared ones. Why do you think this trend happen? What soft of problems might it bring into society?**
Over the last decade, consuming fast food have seen in the society life style. People would rather to buy ready-made meals than home-cooked ones. This essay will discuss some reasons why this occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend.
The main cause of this problem is prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurant. For instance, on nearly every high street there are Mac Donald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken which they mostly open 24 hours per day. This ensuring that people who are busy in their work or even the students prefer consume these foods. Another cause of an inceasing consuer is interesting advertising that encourages people to buy. There are many exaggerate advertising that offer cut of price on their foods. That will lead consumers to think that they should order as long as foods in discount price.
The effects of this have been and will continue to be very serious. The most problematic is helath problem. It will be a large increase in helath related dieases, especially diabetes. This debilitating illness means people have to be injected with insulin for the rest of their life. Furthermore, the social life may be influenced. Ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option to order lead people to change their eating habits. This will result in their family interaction since they have not enough time to eat together with the home prepared foods.
To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of increasing the number of fast food consumers. Thus, there are variety of negative effects as a result. Society must ensure to prevent this problem from deteriorating further. | Sitti, in terms of task achievement, you could probably score a 5 with this essay since you are able to technically respond to the prompt and your paraphrasing is good enough to let the reader know what the task of the essay is. In terms of cohesion and cohesiveness, you would get another 5 because you have managed to organize your paragraph discussions in a logical manner going from discussing the topic provided to the consequences of the actions. Definitely a sign of logical progression. However, the discussion of the topics within the paragraph are a bit hard to follow because your lexical resource and grammar accuracy are not exactly on point. The score for that would probably along the range of 4. The reason for this would be some severe grammatical errors such as "helath" instead of the correct term which is "health" and "inceasing consuer" when what you really meant was "increasing consumer". There is also a lack of sentence clarity when you said that the activity of consuming fast food will result in family interaction when what you really were referring to was a "lack of family interaction". Those small but pivotal mistakes will always cost you big time in terms of scoring during the actual test. |
**Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion**
The teenagers are frequently called to make a part of the working for community developments. There are some opinions that they should get the money for what have they done. I believe that work without being paid can be good for them, and this essay will first discuss getting paid for community is not reasonable then present that working voluntarily can form a good working behavior for adult youths.
Some people believe that older-young generations should be paid for working on development of community. It is not reasonable since they work for charity. There is a statistical result conducted by International Statistical Institute (ISI) in 2015, which told that almost 74 percent of 120 nations on where the surveyed did not pay their youth, especially on community developments. Furthermore, the survey also gave the reason that paying them at this stage of age forms their mind to become money oriented. This is the reason why they are not paid of their work.
However, working voluntarily can form the mind to work based on quality, not based on money, which has been proved by Mr. Fujinoma Satoru from Kyoto University. in other words, this is the right time for them to not only expand their skills but also know more their neighbors around them. This can directly increase their way to act properly with them, which can be useful in the future.
All in all, for above-mentioned points, I believe that it is non-sense for youths who are popularly believed as the starting point to expand their capability to be paid for charity. Thanks to working voluntarily, the older-young generations are able to explore more about the skills they should have and pour to the community as well.
(287 Words) | Ivan, for starters, there is no such thing as "older-young generations". Either you are a part of the older generation (your parents or older) or you are part of the young generation (anybody under the age of 21). You cannot be both. Make sure you use the correct terms in your essays because you are also scored on lexical accuracy so these terms could make the difference between a high or low score in the actual test.
In your opening statement, you also present a hanging sentence by saying " discuss getting paid for community is not reasonable..." Always use the complete term. In this case it would be "... paid for community SERVICE..." This will be part of your grammar accuracy and range score. Improperly developed sentences such as these will pull back the final score of what would have been a very well developed essay on your part. Next, "on where they were surveyed" should be "who were surveyed..." Really, these simple errors on your part have grave effects on your final score.
Let me tell you something that I seem to keep finding myself repeating to the students here. Don't use complex words, terms, or sentence structures if you are not sure that you can present those information properly. Don't risk receiving a lower score based upon forced errors when you can get a passing score based on simple, correct, and acceptable writing. |
**Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?**
In this modern era, the pressure is faced by not only older people, but also children. The problems consist of academic, social, and commercial matters. This essay will first discuss the causes of the obstacles, which are the national examination, bullying, and the expensive books, then present that grading based on understanding, making attention on children's behavior, and using library books can be the solutions of the problems.
Nowadays, everyone faces the new challenges, so do the children. We can see from the academic perspective that the children face the national examination. One of the famous psychologist from Brisbane University, Mr. Seto, said that it could make the youth more stressful because their brain cannot afford it. Moreover, bullying is another cause that can make their life harder, especially on daily school lives. The pupils are also being forced by the teacher to buy expensive books to be their literature in the school.
How the way that can be done by us to overcome these problems? We can try to change the way we grade the pupils to be based on understanding so the children are not forced to pass the exam but they should understand in order to have a higher grade. Furthermore, bullying can be solve using Anti-Bullying Method, introduced by Mr. Shiraishi from Kyoto University, which requires the teacher's attention on children's behavior so that they can reduce the bullying practice in the school. Encouraging the teacher and providing the free books by the schools in the library can also reduce the pressure of children on the commercial side, and everyone can have the same equality each other.
All in all, the children's pressure on academic can be easily solved by converting the method of grading, followed by bullying which is able to be removed by the teacher responsibility on pupils' behavior. Besides, the commercial sector which leads the pressure on students can be reduced by providing a book which can be borrowed by them.
(328 Words) | Ivan, in terms of task accuracy, I think you could score no higher than a 4. That is because you present the prompt in a difficult to understand manner. As such, the paraphrasing of the essay has suffered and the understanding of the reader pertaining to the topic for discussion has been compromised. It takes a few repetitions of your paraphrasing before a reader can even guess what the relationship of the topics you are presenting for discussion has with the actual prompt. Don't get me wrong, it is only the vocabulary that is a drawback for your opening statement.
The cohesiveness and coherence of your discussion has more uniformity when it comes to the logical discussion of your facts and other related data. So you might score a decent 5 in that section. The fact that you quote academic sources shows that you have a clear understanding of the prompt and you are doing your best to raise the level of your discussion in the anticipation of a better score in this section of the test.
The lexical resource cannot be higher than a 4 because some of the terms that you use deliver a different meaning for your sentence developments. These problems create a difficulty for the reader who has to try and figure out what the correct term you wanted to use in the sentence was.
Needless to say, the grammar range and accuracy would be a 5 because of the problems with sentence development and structure. The lack of fluency in English often poses a difficulty for you in terms of writing which in turn affects the ability of the reader to easily understand your message. |
Ariska Putri Pertiwi, Miss Grand International 2016, went back to her settlement in Medan, North Sumatra for the first time after won the competition. She was welcomed by the traditional music and dance from South Tapanuli. She stated that she will stay in Medan for two days. She planned to visit several places in Medan like the Rahmat International Wildlife Museum & Gallery and beauty program classes.
Governor of North Sumatra, Erry Nuraidi stated that Indonesia was satisfied with Ariska's achievement because she can promote all traditional cultures in Indonesia, especially North Sumatra. He also said that the council was developing of Lake Toba place to make it more popular in the future.. | Muhamad, you did some pretty good work in summarizing this article. You were able to deliver the key points of the article and successfully informed the reader regarding the comments of the North Sumatra governor in relation to her achievement and how it can help her hometown. There is a slight correction regarding the term you used to describe where she came from. Don't call it a settlement, the proper term is hometown. A settlement is a place, typically one that has hitherto been uninhabited, where people establish a community. While the hometown is describe as the town where one was born or grew up, or the town of one's present fixed residence. Do you see the difference in meaning and why the latter term is the more proper term to use in reference to where she returned to after her win? Sometimes, using the wrong term reflects badly in the essay because it changes the meaning of the sentence. Therefore, it can affect the understanding of what you wish to say and how it is received by the reader. That could result in a lower vocabulary score when an examiner analyzes your summary. |
**Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?**
In the present time, education, social and buying or selling life give higher pressures for children than in the past. The causes of this condition are high competition with other people and parents force their children to success in those sectors. Thus, the solutions to tackle this matter are guidance from parents to give support for their child and parents together with teachers must teach them to more ready in facing life challenges.
Children are forced to think and act more mature when they face life problems. They get many pressures when they study, making friendship with other people and life with money orientation. Furthermore, certain parents ask them to get high rank at school. Also, children often find the gap in social status among students and it encourages them to have commercial perspective. Taking data from UNICEF in early 2016, Nowadays, student get 53% higher pressures from their life environment especially parents and school life. Therefore, most of them fail to face this matter and become lonely persons.
On the other hand, parents and teachers are able to handle this situation. Parents should not force their children to be the best in all parts. They must guide their children to find their favourite subjects, hobbies, and their dreams. Besides, teachers and parents must work together to teach and prepare them to become more mature and ready to life pressures with build up the strong believe in religion. Based on the data from Children International Foundation in the middle of 2016, parents and teachers have full responsibility to help children overcome many kinds of life pressures. Thus, children must be prepared for their future life by those people.
To sum up, gap in some parts of life which encourage children to stay in competition and parents who force their children to success in all aspects are the causes of children pressures. The measures to reduce this problem are parents and teachers guidance. | Meireza, your task accuracy score would be 5. While your opening statement is a bit confusing to understand, you included some keywords and phrases in your presentation that helped the reader to somehow, come to a proper conclusion regarding the essay topic. Keywords such as higher pressures, causes of this condition, solutions to tackle this matter, all helped to create a more understandable portrait of the paraphrased prompt for the reader.
As for coherence and cohesion, you can get another 5. While the topic discussion is somewhat progressive and connected within the paragraphs, the lack of transition paragraphs to connect the two unrelated essay topic discussions held back the effectiveness of your discussion. The transition sentence could have helped a lot in creating a logical transition and line of discussion in the overall essay.
Lexical resource, is also a 5. You used enough simple English words and keywords or phrases. However, the words you used sometimes does not really apply to the discussion. However, your opinion was still understandable and somehow managed to come through the existing vocabulary problems.
Grammar range and accuracy will also fall within a 5. That is due to your limited discussion range and lack of complex sentences. The regular problems with grammar and sentence formation also affected the overall grammar presentation of the essay. However, you were still understandable to the reader, despite the stress that having to assess your paragraphs for meaning provided. |
**Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?**
The main problem of unhealthy lifestyle happen in manny children, particularly the use of handphone which it need solving way from both educational institution and their parents. In my view, the solving way from them must do together in order to can towards the children unhealthy lifestyle free.
Nowadays, the use of handphone in information era always increase typically in children life. The children use the handphone in school and almost in their house. On the other hand, the school have the task to decrease on the handphone using when they in the school or when the children in the home, especially in their bedroom which always use their handphone. Recently, there is many school which still allow the students particularly the children to bring handphone in around school activity. Finally, will use their handphone when in the classroom or in break time. The school must not allow their student to bring handphone to the school because it will disturb the teaching and learning activity, and also it has many negative impacts to their healthy, mainly the problems in brain or their bone.
However, the children have another place too which they most wate their time in the home, so the parents are the most important to solve the problem of handphone using in the children life. If the children take more their time to interact with their handphone, their healthy will have many diseases which destroy their body, such as rematic and brain or bone disease. The parents must not allow the favorite activity of their children and they can change this activity with do these activities in the home, such as gathering with many people in watching room or family room to communicate the hoby, the today news, or the school.
Finally, the conclution of this problem is the both father-mother and the schools have main feature to help the children far of handphone using un their activity. I also suggest that the school and the parent always see and more protection to the children and always give may alternative acivities which interesting for the children. | Yuri, I have to tell you that you will receive a band score of 1 for this essay. The reason that the score is so dismal is because you have complete misunderstood the prompt. You have misrepresented the topic and the format of discussion that the original prompt provides. Your overview is for a completely different topic. Therefore, it is not necessary to score the essay for the other sections in the band score because you already failed the most important one, task accuracy. It is important that you understand the prompt instructions before you write the essay. You have to ask questions while you can during the practice test in order to help improve your English comprehension skills. Then work on developing a coherent, cohesive, and grammatically accurate opening statement that correctly paraphrases the prompt. When you fail to accomplish the task accuracy portion, you will automatically fail in the rest of the sections. Since you have shown that you do not understand English and cannot express yourself even in the most elementary manner of writing in the language. There is no passing this test using this essay. I suggest you have someone explain the prompt to you in your native tongue. That way you can write a new essay that will be more prompt relevant and hopefully, grammatically acceptable in English. |
*I'm learning Ielts on my own. Can anyone who took the test already give me some estimated band scores I can get for this essay? I'd appreciate if you could mark it on 4 critirion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.*
**Throughout history, people have dreamed about perfect society, but they have not agreed what an ideal society is. What do you think the most important elements to have perfect society in the modern world? How people can achieve an ideal society?**
People have different views about what and how society can be ideal. I think there are some significant factors that lead to the perfection of society, and people need to act to build an exemplar society.
A perfect society can be associated with various elements. Firstly, a standard society is where all people have access to relevant education in order to seek for a good job that suits them most. Because education gives people knowledge and skills, those with qualifications are more likely to work easily. This helps to decrease the unemployment rate and contributes to a wealthier society. Secondly, people's health should be one of the top priorities of both governments and citizens. Since science and technology are well-developed in this modern world, it is possible for people to come up with new remedies for uncured diseases. Additionally, a place where homeless people are provided with accommodation and underprivileged children have opportunities to go to school normally is worth looking for.
However, feasible measures need to be taken to make a favourable society become more realistic. The government can run several campaigns to raise public awareness about the importance of education. For instance, many educational talks aimed at students studying at school by motivational speakers are held annually by the local council, which can encourage and keep youngsters motivated to pursue their chosen career path. Besides, individuals are responsible for paying enough taxes to the governments. This allows the authorities to spend money on key sectors such as education, healthcare, public transport and infrastructure. New and strict laws also need to be introduced by the bodies to control offenders who are threatened to residents' lives, ones that commit crimes should be heavily fined to deter others.
In conclusion, I believe that an ideal society can be gained if both governments and individuals put much their effort together in creating a greater life. | Hi Nguyen, let me start by offering you a possible band score for your Task Accuracy. Due to lack of proper paraphrasing of the original prompt, I believe that your score for that section of the test will only be a 5. The reason being there is a lack of clear overview. As for the coherence and cohesion part, you could probably get either a 5 or 6. In my opinion, your work is a clear six because you were able to arrange your thoughts in a logical and coherent discussion manner. However, the cohesion has problems at times because you are trying to discuss too many ideas in one paragraph. Separating the discussion ideas into separate paragraphs could create a more coherent and cohesive discussion on your part. Now, for the Lexical Resource, I think you will get another 5 because your language is simple enough to get your explanations across but not complex enough to show a higher English grammar ability. Finally, with regards to the Grammar Range and accuracy, you could score either a 5 or 6 again. You do make some grammatical errors in both structure and punctuation but luckily, the errors are not so major that it detracts from the ideas you are presenting. Your sentences and paragraphs are still understandable in its simplest form. Keep in mind that my scores are just estimates of what you could possible get in an actual test. The actual reviewer may have a different point of view from mine and thus, the scores you get will be different and more official in terms of rating your work in the actual test. |
Need my draft review, my weakness are grammars sometimes and run on sentences.
A lot of people want to have a better life when they grow up. To be able to achieve this, it requires a good amount of educational background. Luckily, education has become easy to obtain because of the new ways of learning in school. The three types of colleges' bases on delivery of instruction are online, hybrid, and traditional face-to-face school.
One of the ways to get an education is to take an online class. A lot of people always say that they don't have enough time to go to a traditional school because they have to make money for their family to live. It gives the students their own flexibility on their own free time. Some of these courses are self-guided and requires books to be bought online. This type of class may be confusing and hard at first, but if you get used to it, you will learn fast. This is very handy for those people who works a lot and cannot afford expensive traditional schooling.
Traditional schooling is what we commonly used to learn all the time. It is a face-to-face lecture with a teacher, has assignments, and in-class activities. A lot of students chooses this kind of education because they can absorb more knowledge in class while making new friends. Students need to be on time in the class, and also has to finish all the activities to be able to pass this it. Hands on activity is the best way to learn. Traditional schooling will take much more of time because it requires studying during inside and outside of the class. Students need to be focus and have dedication to succeed. This way the professor can guarantee that students can learn more because of the atmosphere they are in.
Someone who like to see your professor but also does not want to sit in class for a long time, a mixture of online and traditional schooling is the right class for them. Hybrid class has a little bit of traditional schooling mixed with some online class activities too. Usually teacher discusses inside the class and you do the work at home and send it online. If a student cannot understand something in the material, the student can ask the teacher in the class during lecture time. It gives students their flexibility and more understanding on the lesson that was given in class. | I have to point out that while the overall essay is informative and has a point, the basis for the discussion, or the thesis statement, as we call it in academic circles, doesn't really come across clearly in your opening statement. The first paragraph of a research paper is known as the thesis statement. This is the point where you explain the issue you are going to be researching about. Deliver the background of the issue and the topics that you will be discussing in an overview form. That way, the reader knows what the research is about and what the chronological discussion of things will be within the paper.
I went through your first 3 paragraphs and did not get a whiff of the possible topic for discussion and the reason behind it. Yet, when I reached the fourth paragraph, there was the start of the research and discussion. How did that happen? Always make sure to introduce your topic to the reader before you launch into the discussion. Otherwise, you will have your reader scratching his head, wondering how the discussion started and what the point of it is supposed to be. Expect a low grade for your research paper when you do not start it off in the proper manner. |
The diagram illustrates the information regarding the water cycle works. Overall, it has had three cycle natural steps which start by evaporation water through the rain process.
To begin with, the evaporation from the sea because of Sun's heat and invisible water vapor. Other ways is that the evaporation from lakes and rivers and also transpiration from plants and trees. After that, the wind carried out water vapor to the high lands. In this step, the vapor faces the cold temperatures and it involves a cloud which contains a lot of water.
In addition, after the clouds arrive in high hills by helping from the wind, the clouds cool further and make a rainfall. More broadly, after the rain cycle, the water carried downstream by river and flows in the sea. Another way is that the ground water flows into lakes, rivers and seas. Furthermore, the water is stored in sea and the process will restart.
* | Muhamad, please remember that the overview summary of the diagram needs to have a minimum of 3 sentences in order to be considered within the required format of the essay. You should have divided the long sentence about the the cycle steps into two. The third sentence could have been represented by the start of the evaporation process summary.
The second paragraph is a bit confusing as it seems to be lacking a topic or subject in the first sentence. There is no point to what was said hence, the sentence did not have any information to add to your summary. The part where you spoke of transpiration was a direct quote from the diagram. Always try to rephrase the information from the original source in order to improve your lexical score. by simply using the original description, you will tend to lose points.
Overall, the essay is a bit confusing to read. There is a tendency for miscommunication as you have incomplete thoughts in some sentences or mistakenly used terms throughout the essay. I believe that you will get better over time. Just take note of the problems that you have in this essay so that you can be conscious to not make the same mistake again. |
**Write about the following topic:
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discus both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**
To be an athlete is the dream of lots children, and one of reasons is that the famous sporty stars usually have fertile income. However, it is very controversial that these successful sports players earn such great amount of money. In my opinion, I think it is fair enough.
Firstly, some people think this phenomenon leads to bad influence on teenagers. The great gap between the income of sports professionals and the other professionals seems to courage the youth to incline being the former one. What's more, the benefits of successful sports players are not only the money but also the reputation. Being sports professionals seems a shortcut toward an enviable life. These factors make an imbalance between the athlete and other occupations.
On the other side, I suppose people should realize that it is not easy to become successful sports players. It needs numerous practices and gifted talent. Before being famous sports players, they have to tolerate strict training and low income. For instance, in my country-Taiwan, an ordinary athlete earns lower than the average income, and most of them need the sponsors from the public and the companies so as to compete the games aboard. Next, compare to the other career, the athlete has short career life. Because most of the sports need physical power, it is hard to maintain the energy when you are aging. In order that, they have short period can earn the money.
To sum up, in the short term, people may think the successful sports players earn more than they should. Nevertheless, we should consider it, in the long term, seems reasonable for them to have a great number of money. | Arlen, your task accuracy, which is related to the paraphrasing of the prompt scores a 3. You presented most of the prompt points but failed to give an accurate summary or paraphrasing of the instructions within your opening statement. That's too bad because the mistake was ever so slight but ended up changing the meaning of the prompt so your score suffered for it. However, you were still able to properly discuss the correct prompt within your essay.
Now for your cohesion and coherence, your presentation is clear enough to show that you are capable of analyzing the proper discussion progression for this essay. So I believe that you can get a decent 6 even though there are problems with the cohesion in your sentences and also terminology use is often faulty within your paragraphs.
As for the lexical resource, it has got to be another 6. You are trying to use complicated vocabulary to show off your English language skills but your lack of familiarity with the meaning of the words poses a problem for you. An example of this would be when you use the term "courage" when what you really wanted to say was "encourage". Courage is is the ability to do something even though it frightens you. Encourage means that one wishes to support, give confidence, or hope to a person. Which is what you wanted to say in the sentence.
Grammar range and accuracy is definitely affected by your problems in lexical resource. I will give you a score of 5 in this instance because the difficulty in trying to understand what you want to say could cause some problems for the readers. When the reader has to constantly, silently correct your grammar as he reads your work means that reading your paper causes undue stress and difficulty. That is what caused the low score for you. |
**Topic: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?**
(please give me an appropriate band , thanks ^^ )
The contemporary society have witnessed significant breakthrough of technology , especially advertisement industry . These ever-rising incidences of aforementioned fields have drawn enomous attention from individuals and community.From my perspective , both positive and negative aspects are recognised effortlessly and will be investigated in this essay.
On the one hand , there are 2 underlying explanations for beneficial aspects.The first convincing foundation is the fact that consumers have been offered wide range of products , diverse sources of information and unlimited choices , particularly with the omnipresence of television and Internet.To be more specific , not only affluents or white-collar workers but also have-nots and underprivileged individuals are given incentives to get access to both international , domestical commodities at reasonable prices , which will facilitate them to ameliorate life standards.Another justification supporting for this point of view is increase in work opportunities , products quality improvement.Competitive markets are assumed to stimulate numerous companies cultivate their respective commodities so as to attract more people , on the similar note , increase annual revenue , which turn result in social benefits.Moreover , employment prospects will enhance in direct correlation with positive surge in advertisement industry's employees.
On the other hand the development could exert detrimental impact on citizens'conception.Some low-quality brands will easily disparage trustworhty products , create common sense of distrust and prejudice against domestical goods.As outlined previously , it is obvious that profit improvement could be seen in the short-term ,however, in the long run , the higher influx of fundings possibly turn out to be extravagant investments.Second , onlookers , who have been bombarded by biased and proof-less information will embody disrespect .Indeed, only small proportion of citizens seriously pay attention to these advertisements.
In conclusion , prevalence of this industry bring pragmatic value to society , however , beneficial aspects could not outweigh negative sides | ERWS, you are supposed to be writing a singular opinion paper based upon the prompt requirements. You were to choose one side of the discussion to side with and defend. By writing about 2 opinions, you end up writing counter to the instructions of the prompt. There is no clear representation of your opinion in the opening statement which could have been the solid foundation of the succeeding prompt discussions. Due to these problems with your opening statement, you task accuracy would have a band level of 3. There is a clear misunderstanding of the prompt and its requirements. As such, you ended up depicting the wrong paraphrasing of the prompt and also failed to accurately discuss the requirements of the discussion. That is why I hesitate to rate the rest of your essay in terms of coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. None of the succeeding brackets would have properly represented the discussion you were required to render an opinion of. Therefore, you would get an overall failing mark for this essay, I would like to give you an opportunity to revise the content to become more prompt adherent instead of failing you in all the brackets. Please try to develop a new essay based on the same prompt. This time, using only one opinion throughout the essay. |
**we live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem no closer to feeling happy in their lives.**
Discuss
With the tremendous development of the technologies, it seems as if people are having the quality life and they appears to be happy in their life as they are teemed with the technologies. However, the reality is different. The excessive use of such technology has hampered the life of people, and people are being despondent in this new era of development.
The advent of internet has created the excessive abuse of the resources. People are more focused in sitting in the computer rather than performing their work. It has not only created lethargy in people but also many mental disorder among the people. Prolonged sitting in front of the computer renders eye problem and also creates many more anxiety in the people.
Similarly, use of such technology makes people introvert so that they are only obsessive to the computer. The socialization of human beings is easily hampered with such technology. One can not be fully socialized when he sits at the corner of a house. Person must speak to other in order to be more socialized, they have to talk face to face, share their feelings at the time of meeting which makes some meaning. To illustrate this, let me take my own experience. I was totally infatuated with a girl, and I used facebook to purpose her, but she did not give any response. I planned to tell the same thing during our visit, she gave me the positive answer. What I want to show that head to head conversation is more reliable than the far distance communication.
The another more obvious reason is that the privacy of the person gets disclosed, which may creates different problems. The criminal activities can be easily pervasive in such case. The position, lifestyle, and any other everyday work can be known through such technology. This technology also brings stranger closer, and finally that vary stranger might hamper you by disclosing your private lifestyle.
In sum, though the technology has brought the people to feel closer, yet there are many more risk that the vary technology can seriously damage your good living life. | Utsav, you did really well in the opening statement portion of your essay. You were able to successfully paraphrase your prompt and present a cohesive foundation for your succeeding discussion. The problem, is that you tried to over extend your discussion. You were pretty much on track with the discussion up till the the end of the 3rd paragraph. Then you began to change the direction of your discussion in a manner running alter to the prompt requirements in paragraph 4. Due to the alteration in direction, your task accuracy fell from a possible 7 to a 5. The rest of your discussion suddenly related to cyber security, which is not exactly relevant to the prompt requirements and expected response. So the overall essay score would fall within the 5 range because of the accidental change of topic discussion in your essay. Remember, it is better to present a short essay that is within the minimum word requirement than it is to keep on talking just because you want to use more words which unintentionally changes the discussion focus of your essay. Keeping your essay short will not hurt you. Just make sure you always express yourself in at least 250 words. |
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.
**Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender ?**
It is often claimed that males and females have got different type of abilities and shortcomings. I personally hold the opinion that it is wrong to treat them in workplace because of their gender.
In today's world both men and women have the equally rights in education, public and organizations. In other words, both of them can have access to the same educational opportunities, this means that they can have the same professional and educational skills. To illustrate, In the UK there are similar numbers of male and female students in higher education. In addition, now women can compete with men in any kind of field even in sport. For instance, they were often employed as secretaries or receptionists, but today they are able to even be a supervisor or strong politicians. Nevertheless, traditionally women have been restricted to certain roles such as builder or fireman.
On the other hand, still it is widely believed that both of sexes have got inequally talents and disabilities. In fact, it can be observed that in military services mainly men are employed as a result of their aggressive and brave character, whereas women are often employed in kindergarden and schools. Therefore, there have certain jobs which only one of the gender member do it perfectly. For instance, males are good at army as a soldier while females are better in hospitals as a nurse and in primary schools as a teacher. Nonetheless, in our modern life it is unfair discriminate them because of their sexes, since they can do anything at the same quality as their opponent gender do.
To sum up, it seems to me that it is true both of them have got pros and cons, but nowadays a wide range of occupations are available to both gender and also career success depends on individual merit. | Abror, is this a topic that you chose by yourself to discuss? Or was this a topic assigned for discussion in class? The prompt doesn't seem complete to me. There seem to be some missing elements in the instructions that I can see reflected in your response. Would it be too much of a bother for you to post the complete prompt? That is if the instructions were given in class and is not something that you just chose to discuss. Your task accuracy score will depend upon it.
In the general review of your essay though, I would have to say that you did a pretty good job of defending your stance. However, you should try to always do your comparison of the skills of men and women in the same field. Take for example, your discussion about gender roles in the military. Both the men and women already fight on the front lines of the battle field. Therefore, it is wrong for you to say that men work better in the battlefield and the women work better in the background. You need to increase your knowledge of world events and gender discussions in order to better and more accurately develop your gender discussions. Use of no longer applicable information, such as the case of the military example could have an adverse effect on your score as well. |
**Prison is the best punishment for criminals, to what extent do you agree?**
It is largely argued that the most effective way to punish offenders is putting them in jails. I completely agree with this statement.
In my opinion, prison is the best sort of punishment for a number of reasons. First, by putting law-breakers in the prison we ensure the safety of our society. What this means is that criminal will not be able to commit further crimes if they are kept in jails. Secondly, in custody prisoners are prepared to be better citizens when they are released. For example, a huge number of prisons apply the rehabilitation programme, in which prisoners receive education and learn some valuable life skills. Finally, long prison sentences can deter offenders from re-offending crimes again. Because they will realise the value of freedom, therefore, they will think again before breaking the law in the future.
The alternatives to imprisonment would be much less effective. One option would be to apply fines as punishment for crimes. The downside of this method is that some wealthier might deliberately commit offences when they feel they can easily afford the price. Another option would be to require offenders to do community service. Although this way of punishment might be considered to be beneficial for society, but it also could be downright risky. Because we cannot trust the behaviours of not rehabilitated criminals, thus, by doing this we endanger the community.
In conclusion, I believe that the best punishment for criminals is to imprison them, and that all other alternatives are unreliable. | Mohammed, please review your summary overview. It is going to get a failing mark in an actual test because of the extreme shortness of your summary. The standard overview is composed of 3 sentences at a minimum. You have only one sentence, which is definitely in violation of the rules. The highest score you can get in terms of task accuracy would most likely be a 4. Keep in mind that you have to paraphrase the original prompt and as such, you have the opportunity to express the prompt in an original manner, within the minimum sentence requirement. Don't waste your chance to get a high score in the first part of the test. Make sure you deliver on the paraphrased prompt requirement.
In relation to that, you have also presented the same problem with your conclusion. There is no proper paragraph development. Instead, you have a single sentence that does not properly recap the essay prompt, your discussion, and closing statement. While you have the possibility of scoring a 5 in the remaining sections of the test, the problem with your opening statement and closing statement is enough to pull down your final score.
Review the other essays here and look at how it was developed. Don't take shortcuts. Be as thorough as you can in the opening and closing statement because any mistakes in those areas will have a grave effect on your final score. |
***Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe that it is getting easier. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.***
In the present time, large towns become the predominant living places chosen by many people who chase their ambitions. While some people believe that being urban immigrant is becoming more challenging, others think the converse opinion. In my point of view, regardless living cost, dwelling in major city makes people get a better education easily.
Living expenses is believed as worrying issue by some metropolitan people. Some people think that living cost is difficult to fulfil. Taking an article from times magazine for an example, living cost in some large cities such as London, Hamburg and California is skyrocketing in recent years, making people hard to afford their daily needs. This also leads to the increasing numbers of the homeless. As consequence, many people think that dwelling in big cities is hard.
Although people have to spend much money dwelling in large town, I believe that the difficulties of living in urban area are encountered by some counter-arguments. There are plenty of education opportunities in major cities. Several prestigious tertiary educational institutions are centred in these urban area. Students will get their better education experiences in major cities. According to Professor Ivan, head of MIT department of urban studies and Planning, several big cities are designed to become education centre area in order to attract more students. Therefore, many people choose to live in large town due to its easiness to get proper education.
In conclusion, even though settling in large cities will bring up several difficulties, I believe that the urban life difficulties will be far outweighed by the merits of living in urban area. (266 Words) | Nda, you will immediately have failed in the task accuracy portion of this essay. The reason behind the failed score is because you misrepresented the summary of the prompt that you were provided with. Nowhere in the prompt was there a referral specifically to education with regards to living in big cities. Therefore, you have changed the topic for discussion of the essay, which would result in an overall failure to discuss the prompt.
Notice that you refer constantly to the benefits and drawbacks of education in the big city. Why did you do that? You were being asked to discuss the varying opinions based upon the "general" discussion of living in the city. When I say that the discussion is "general", I mean that you should have presented a discussion that does not focus on a particular topic. Instead, it offers non-specific information which is still relevant to the discussion. It should not be influencing the reader to develop an opinion about a specific topic. That is why you failed in the discussion. You created a specific topic for discussion in the prompt rather allowing the reader to consider all factors related to the discussion sans a particular focus. An example of a general discussion would relate to the urban lifestyle in the city as opposed to the laid back or countryside lifestyle of non-urban dwellers. That is general enough in terms of discussion to pass the essay requirement.
I would like to suggest that you create a general discussion of the prompt and have us review a prompt adherent response instead. If I were to review this essay based on the scoring bracket, you will definitely get major failing scores based upon the lack of prompt adherence. |
**Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**
Many people believe that the involvement of well-known people in international aid organisations attracts the attention of the problem. Meanwhile, others suppose that the participation of famous people downplays the significance of the problem. I would argue that famous people's support provides the numerous and positive changes to the society.
On the one hand, famous people can make the problem less important. One of the reasons is that some people often consider that the main purpose of celebrities' support is a way to enhance their reputations. Therefore, to attract the attention of the community, some famous people attempt to be involved in as many volunteer projects as possible without any particular passion or interest in those. Moreover, every work in the effort of international aid corporations could be trivialised since the concentration of followers can be shifted away from endeavours to the fame and the image of specific characters concerned. This change possibly creates a concerned question to the public about their motivates.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that international aid organisations' activities can be more effortless thanks to the association of celebrities. Firstly, they have a huge number of fans who are inspired by their actions. For instance, Phan Anh, a well-known M.C in Vietnam, encouraged thousands of youngsters joined his project as well as charities in locals by donating money and working as volunteers supporting flood victims in the central part of Vietnam. Secondly, celebrities are usually trusted by the society; that may lead to a rise of the profile of international aid. Hence, it could be easy to organisations appeal more people to donate money, work as a volunteer to help either practically or in fund-raising.
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of celebrity cooperation to international aid organisations, it seems to me that it brings more benefits for the community when they take part in voluntary activities.
Dear all, please help me to correct the essay and evaluate band score for it. Thanks in advance! | Hi Kaun. I will be scoring your essay based on the 4 band score criteria. I hope that you will also take note of the improvements I will be suggesting to you for the improvement of your work. It is really important that you try to improve your written skills because you have the talent and English writing skills to do so. It just requires practice and self improvement on your part.
Task Accuracy - 4 - You covered most of the bases in your summary. There was a slight prompt deviation when you based your personal opinion on positive changes to society rather than the contribution the celebrity can make to the cause he is championing for under the international organization. Consider also that you only presented the discussion as to why people think that celebrities make a cause seem less important. From there, you went immediately to your opinion and forgot to discuss the opinion of people who think that celebrities help the cause they support. Review the prompt, you should have discussed 3 sides in the essay. The supporting, non-supporting, and your personal opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion - 6 - the discussion you present shows that you have the ability to think logically in English and also present an acceptable, although sometimes confusing discussion. The confusion comes from the wrong English term use so that will have an effect on your lexical score.
Lexical Resource - 6 - You could have scored higher had you used the correct terms. For example, you used the word motivates when what you really wanted to say was motives. Motivates means taking action while motives are the reason you are motivated to take action.
Grammatical range and accuracy - 6 - I believe that you have shown an intermediate to semi-advanced knowledge of the English language. You are capable of creating understandable arguments in English and you offer clear explanations for your stance, even though there are some sentence structure mistakes.
Overall, I believe that, if you continue to write in this manner, you will be able to pass this section of the IELTS test. |
*please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.*
**These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?**
In rapidly changing business world, there has a tendency among employees to rotate their job frequently in their professional life. Even some of them is more likely to do several jobs. It is argued that this tendency has certain benefits and drawbacks. This essay will firstly, discuss the way of finding passionate job as one of the main positive side of this and secondly, outline the misleading for achieving the main career goal.
Job rotation is regarded as one of the finest ways of findings one's passion. It allows one to understand which one is suitable for one's career. If someone involve in freelancing and he has an experience on photography as well as a managers of enterprise, so later on he can analysis which one is the best choice of his career to achieve his long term target. In addition to this, maybe this way he will be sound financially and mentally for the rest of his life.
However, the high risk of losing ultimate career goals is the main downside of changing job frequently in the professional life. Actually doing in more than one job bring new opportunities as well as threats. This threat may impact adversely among employees; they then may lose their motivation to give their best performance. As consequences of this, people will be distracted from their ultimate targets. if they fall such situation ,so they could not to restart their life spontaneously.
In conclude, the alteration of jobs in the career life has been an effect that could be positive or negative in employees'' aim in professional tracks. It is common argument its positive effect how much more than negative one. I believe that before changing job one should analysis the risk factors related to this.
Thanks in advance :-) | Hi Syeda, I see that you have already been scored for this essay so I will not bother to rate this essay again. Instead, I will focus on the problem points and offer a few suggestions that I hope, can assist you in further improving your writing task 2 skills. It saddens me that this essay did not develop as well as your previous task 1 summary. Since they are two different essay styles though, I will not fault you for the failure of this essay over the other one.
Let's start with the summary overview of this essay. I agree that it was confusing and ended up deviating from the prompt response. When you write your summary, you need to learn how to pick out keywords that will help you in developing your summary statement / introduction. Let me show you an example of this using the previous prompt. The keywords here are as follows:
*people work in more than one job
change career several times
advantages and disadvantages*
So your summary overview for this essay should have gone something like this:
*In today's modern world, it is not uncommon for a person to have more than one job. The type of job that he has over time can also change because of certain factors. Just like in everything in life, the need for multiple jobs and career changes offer specific advantages and disadvantages over time for the professional worker. This essay will reflect upon the advantages and disadvantages of working several jobs and the advantages and disadvantages of constantly changing careers.*
Note that the keywords are represented in the essay and, because I presented it in a different manner, allowed me to better develop the discussion slant for the essay.
In the second paragraph, you were really well on your way to an accurate presentation of your opinion up until the part where you mentioned being financially and mentally sound in the future. Here is a tip for you. Present only one subject topic in your paragraph. Once you mention a topic for discussion in the first sentence, do not ruin the discussion by presenting a second reason at the end that you cannot fully discuss. One fully developed discussion will get a higher rating than two under developed reasons. Remember that. This is a problem that plagued your essay and could have been easily avoided if you did not over-reach in your topic discussions.
By the way, when it comes to your lexical resource, I noticed that you tried to use complicated words in your essay without really knowing the meaning or relevance (if any) of the words that you chose to use in your essay. While using complicated and complex vocabulary can increase your score, if you show an ignorance of the word meaning and usage, then you will have defeated the purpose of using complicated vocabulary. It is better to use simple words that you are familiar with the meaning of in relation to your discussion. That is because getting an adequate score using simple vocabulary will result in your passing the test. Keeping it simple will not hurt you. Making it complicated without considering whether your vocabulary applies to the discussion or not will result in your final lexical resource score hurting your final score. |
**The picture reveals the steps of processing of chocolate using cacao beans.**
Overall, it is clear that there are several stages of chocolate production, beginning with the collection of ripe red pods from cacao trees. The next step shows some preparation for seeds packaging before sending to the factory. The process ends with liquid chocolate production.
The process starts with collecting with ripe red pods from the cocoa trees, which are grown in America, Africa, and Indonesia. Cacao beans then are harvested from each pod which contains several beans. They are fermented and also dried by sun heat. After that those are packaged in a number of sacks and transported to the factory by the train or lorry.
After reaching the factory, there is roaster for roasting the beans under 350 degrees centigrade. In the next stage, beans are crushed in machine, which have three blades for removing outer shell. The final stage of this process is the pressing inner parts of the beans in order to get liquid. Thus, liquid chocolate are produced steps-by-steps.
* | Syeda, congratulations on writing up a very accurate and understandable illustration summary. Your opening statement was pretty clear and gave the reader a logical representation of the discussion that is to follow. One thing though, in the second paragraph you used the same wording to explain the first step in the process as the sentence in the opening statement, In order to show a larger lexical resource, try to paraphrase or present in an original sentence the content of your essay, even when you have already previously presented the information. You want to score as highly as possible in terms of vocabulary and word usage in order to increase your final score. Your overall work in this essay summary shows your growth as a writer and a higher degree of analysis and grasp of the English language in relation to your written work. Excellent work. Keep it up ! |
Airbnb, the company which shook up the world particularly hotel industry because it has sophisticate apps to connecting people who want traveling to many place with people who has house or apartment for rent to them. Recently, the company introduced the new service called airbnb trips. What is that? If previous airbnb just for rent their house but now it also can make owner house became tour guide or host for client. Unfortunately, this service currently implemented only in 12 cities, but the company promised will launched until 50 cities next year. | Alfin, your grammar in this essay is horrendous. Due to the grammatical problems, your summary really causes extreme discomfort for the reader. It is hard to assess what it is that you are actually supposed to be saying in this summary because you did not provide a copy of the article that you read either in an uploaded file or a supplied link. The first problem with your summary is that your first sentence is extremely long which makes it difficult to read. You could have split that into 2 sentences. The first sentence could have introduced the company and the second, could explain the app and its functions. While the latter part of the essay is understandable, the lack of proper grammar really forces the reader to reorganize your sentence in his brain, quietly, in order to make sense of what you are trying to say. While it would seem that all of the important information is in the summary, the disorganized presentation makes one consider if all of the important information is really presented. I guess we cannot tell unless you provide us with a way to access the original article. |
**IELTS PART 1- CEMENT PROCESS**
The diagram illustrates how to produce cement with combining all of the materials and how this cement needed in for the building purposes. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that the process to product cement needs some complex processes and the concentrate production combines four different materials.
To begin with, the first diagram reveals that, the clay and limestone are rushed before the powder, the result of first step, passed through a mixer. Next, the produced power passed through rotating heater. Before producing a raw cement materials, the powder has already heated passed on a grinder machine to become raw cement. Ultimately, the cement is packed and ready to be delivered.
The second diagram shows how much the materials needed for producing a concentrate. First of all, it is needed a cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and plenty of small stones (50%). Next, all of the materials are mixed in a concentrate mixer machine. By the time, the machine rotates to overwhelmingly combine all of the materials to create a concentrate for building construction.
* | Nina, you need to make sure that you note the correct terms to use in the summaries. When you use the wrong term, your whole essay becomes wrong. The biggest mistake that I can see in your essay is that you keep referring to concrete as concentrate. Those are two different things. Cement is a binder substance used in construction. While concrete is a heavy and rough building material made from materials taken from cement. A concentrate on the other hand, is a substance made by removing water. I am fairly certain that you are not referring to a concentrate in this essay as the diagram doesn't indicate that. Now, you were able to somewhat properly summarize the procedure indicated in the diagram. The reason I say somewhat is because you failed to use the proper terms to describe the materials used or produced in the essay. As such, your task accuracy is greatly affected and could result in some severely low scores had you done this in an actual test. |
**Some believe that the development of technology and improved software allow us to translate between languages automatically. Therefore, it is not necessary to learn foreign languages any more. Do you agree or disagree?**
Nowadays, advanced technology has been invented to assist human in solving problems such as language barriers. Software, such as Google translator, is introduced to translate any language to other languages. However, in my opinion, I believe that it is important to master foreign languages although we have lots of machinery which can support us with the language difficulty. We can't rely on the existing technology because of its limitation and language could reflect our culture and creativity.
First at all, the translation software has only basic function with limited features. Most of the commercial software provides the conversion function between words, but they cannot translate a full sentences without any error. The conversion of a sentence is difficult for robot as languages have their unique structure and grammar. Besides that, the software hardly interprets synonym, which is a similar meaning with different words. Many synonyms have similar meaning or definition, but they are only applied in certain situation.
In addition, a language should not been stored or programmed in a software as it cannot reflect the culture which is hidden in the language. It is important to learn a language because the learning process allows us to explore the development of the languages. During the learning process, we could understand the culture of a race which has been using the language for thousands of years. Besides that, the machinery is unable to present the language creatively as human, or precisely poet or comedy. Language is not only used for communication purpose, but also for entertainment.
In conclusion, we should learn the basic of the language before we could rely on the technology. It is true that translation software has provided many conveniences, but they are not perfect tool which could totally replace a human being to use a languages. Certainly, it is important to learn a language to reflect the culture of a race, and also the creatively of using the language. | Hi Kieth, I think you will be quite happy to know that you did very well in this practice test. So well in fact that this is the first time that I will find myself giving an overall band score of 7 to a student at this forum. Let me break the scoring down for you over the 4 required elements.
Task accuracy - 7 - You have clearly presented a clear overview of the topic. There is an enhanced feel to your summary statement because you broke down the discussion that you would be presenting in the body of the essay into short, summarized presentations in your overview statement.
Coherence and Cohesion - 7 - There is a clear progression in your essay. You did not deviate from the prompt in your discussion per paragraph and you showed that you have the ability to discuss your ideas in a logical manner. There was a clear use of cohesive devices which were used in an acceptable manner.
Lexical Resource - 7 - The use of some advanced words in relation to technology and language learning earned you some pretty high marks. There was a flexibility in the way that you portrayed your discussion and you used some less common lexical terms like synonym and phrases like "programmed in a software" along with "translation software" and "precisely" to name just a few.
Grammar Range and Accuracy - 6 - You have a pretty good mix of sentences in the essay. The sentence structure problems relate to certain mistakes in the use of certain words. However, these mistakes did not affect the overall meaning and presentation of your work. So this is the only portion where I would score you less. However, your work was pretty consistent in this essay. |
Topic: **Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that money could be better spent in elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?**
These days, the government has allocated funds on public facilities as well as the arts. It is often supposed that spending on the arts is waste of money. Although some people consider that it is significant to spend money on public services, I prefer spending on the arts and I feel that it bring enormous benefits toward society giving a new horizon of life.
There are numerous motivations for spending an imperative amount of the government budget on public services. First and foremost, these services are the things such as infrastructures improvement and transportation system, and these things determine the quality of life which most of people will want to have. In addition to this, more spending money on hospitals means the improvement of health of our society. Another reason is that sufficient fund for education indicates that the nation will be well- educated in future. As a consequence, the educated nation will be able to attain more opportunity for its prosperity.
However, arts are a way of expressing thoughts and feelings that cannot be convey in term of word. The arts, such as painting, literature and sculptures impart own culture, values, believes and tradition towards new generation. For instant, young people not only come to know about their own cultural history which is presented by artist in so many ways like theater performances, but also earn immense pleasure. Thus, it helps us to release some stress in life, so it should not be negated. The government should allocate funds for the arts so that it can be developed.
To conclude, a major part of government budgets usually goes to provide public facilities which is highly demanded by all, but the arts are also required to express our thoughts and feeling to all. Despite of having positive impact of public-service sectors, I prefer more investing on highly demanding arts sectors. | Hi Syeda, I have to say, you did really well in the task accuracy department of your essay presentation. You showed a clear understanding of the prompt and you were able to properly paraphrase the original prompt. You showed an ability to use your English language skills, which are moderate at the moment, to properly develop, present, and discuss the key topics for discussion within the prompt requirements. You should be proud of the work that you did on this essay.
I would like to see you further improve in terms of your coherence, cohesiveness, lexical skills, and grammar accuracy. These are the aspects of your essay writing that require more practice and focus on your part. Although we can still understand what it is that you are trying to convey in every paragraph, there were slight instances when you seem to have gotten lost in translation so your essay work had a tendency to lose its focus in terms of discussion. Take for example, when you say "own culture", the arts is used to convey the "culture of a people" and not just a single person. So your grammar accuracy is affected by your wrong choice of words.
This is a problem that comes up when you try to use complex sentences without really knowing how to form it. You should try to read other English writers, like newspaper columnists and the like, in order to get a better example of how to write effective complex sentences. On our own, keep it light to moderate. That way you won't be docked for points in an actual test. |
Every season has its pros and cons. So does winter. And this write-up will focus on the negative impacts of the winter season.
First of all, during this time, temperatures are relatively low and the weather is cold. This means there is every risk of chilling and catching a bad cold or a deadly fever.
Also, the season is quite dry which is why our skin tends to become dry and brittle. In winter, we wear warm clothes covering much of our body. We, therefore, are less exposed to sunlight. This causes our skin to turn colourless and moistureless.
At daybreak, often thick fog or mist forms. For this, car drivers cannot view their surroundings properly and accidents take place not infrequently. A criminal is free to roam around and can easily commit crimes without anybody seeing it. In conclusion, the rates of street accidents and crimes rise during winter season.
A point worth mentioning is that we tend to feel lethargic during winter. Nobody actually wants to get out of the blanket and wake up early in the morning at winter. It is only circumstances that bounds most of us to do so. Our sense of responsibility forces us to combat the lethargy and work. Furthermore, water turns icy-cold and becomes difficult to use. We need to warm the water and then use it. This takes time and effort. Due to this inconvenience, our daily lives get hampered even though slightly.
In a nutshell, winter has many negative sides to consider. However, it's a general truth that good and bad go along. Everything consists of both good and bad in different ratios. One is incomplete without the other. The more easily we will learn to accept this fact, the easier and better our life will become. | Soha, whether it is a formal essay or not is not important. The main thing to consider is that essays are written to inform the reader. Therefore, regardless of the writing style, be it formal, casual, or just something you wrote to while the time away, it still has to follow the format for an essay. If you wish to improve your English proficiency, specially in writing, then you need to familiarize yourself with the proper way to develop, draft, and eventually, write an essay. Even if it is just an opinion paper that you are developing, the writing and written work development regulations do not change. All of the expected parts of an essay need to represented and every topic sentence fully developed. This essay has the potential to become a very informative and lighthearted piece of reading. It is too bad that you don't have the time to fully develop it. Your writing skills show that with the right motivation and guidance, you have the potential to improve your English written skills. |
Handedness or the dominant hand has been researched by a psychologist, Mathew. In the articles read by the speaker, Mathew had found that handedness affects people who play music or some sports. Mathew also found that handedness is used to identify better strategy in sport game. Meanwhile, another research had been conducted by Mathew in German to find the human capacity to utilize both hand equally, namely mix-handed. The experiment involved the number of musician regarding to the type of instrument, the length it was played, and their regular practice. Interestingly, the result showed that keyboardist had high level using both hand, while string players such as violinist preferred one hand. Another experiment showed that handedness is use in some sport such as hockey, tennis and gymnastic. In hockey, the players tend to be mix handed due to the fact that hockey stick must be deployed in two direction. Also, mix handed players is more confident rather than one hand players. While in tennis, they prefer one hand player to make large vision. | Nda, when you are referring to the person speaking in the audio or video, make sure the reference the title of the person if it is provided. In this case, the speaker was Dr. Mathew. A psychologist is, by profession, a doctor and therefore, holds the title at the start of his name in respect to his profession.
When you begin describing the types of people who play music or sports, that would have been the best time to mention some musicians and sports players as examples, rather than mentioning the terms twice in the summary as you did. By the way, you have a redundancy as sports and games describe the same activity. For example, tennis is both a sport and a game. Therefore you can just say "sport" when indicating one game or "sports" in plural form.
Finally, the country is known as Germany and the people from Germany are German. The language of the country is also known as German. The experiment was conducted in Germany, not German as the research could not have been conducted on the language. Germans could have been the experiment participants but then you would not have been correct either since you said the experiment was conducted by Dr. Mathew in German.
Overall though, your summary has successfully reported on the most pertinent points of the audio / file. You should score well in the test because you did not leave the reader with more questions than answers while reading the totality of your summary. |
There are two divers called Freja and Sif want to costumize their heart rate to suit the length of dive with porpoises and cetaceans. With this activity, they can predict to consume oxygen before dive since the depth and length was very deep. Moreover, at the present time, they know that the heart rates of both animals have related to the different dive factors, such as dive duration, depth and exercise. As time goes on, as a matter of fact, the harbour porpoises have cognitive control of their heart rate that make them can take longer time in the deep water. However, they cannot be disturbed by loud noise since they will experience panic condition.
source : newscientist | Andika, the article actually came in 3 sections. The main discussion and the 2 sub topics related to the discovery that was discussed as the major discovery of the scientists. Why did you not represent the sub topics in the summary? In writing a summary, you must ensure that you present all of the topics being discussed, including the sub topics because they relate to the main discussion. Additional, supporting facts can be found in the sub topics and therefore, the only way you can present a completely informative summary is by reading the whole article and taking note of keywords, fact, and figures for inclusion in your summary. Without these additional data, the summary becomes informative but incomplete. What you are after, is a totally informative and complete essay. So you have to learn to read fast and note information in a chronological manner for presentation in the summary essay. |
Walt Disney, as the largest animation studio company, released their newest animation titled Moana. The director, Ron Clements and John Musker, said that Moana comes from Motunui as a daughter of a mystical-Polynesian-island chief. The character of Moana is described as an obedient daughter who tried to ignore her strong desire. In this film, Moana has a conflict with herself regarding to what she will choose between listening to her father and following her heart. In a stark contrast to other Disney princess who has funny sidekick animal and an adventure, Moana's adventure happens because she creates her own fate. From Moana many life lessons can be learned by both adults and children.
thejakartapost | Nda, you should have made some mention about the conflict in the movie that led to the adventures of Moana. This was clearly explained and pointed out in the article that you read. Also, each character in the movie, important characters related to her adventure both on and off the island were mentioned. You should have detailed the supporting characters as well. More importantly, you did not mention the demigod who helped Moana during her adventure and also helped to present a lesson in the story. In order to properly depict the summary of the article, all of these elements need to have been present. You also need to pay attention to the plural form of words, anytime you mention 2 people who do the same work, such as the men who helmed this movie, you should use the plural form. Hence director should have been directors. |
**"All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary."**
Now a days consultancies are increasing day by day. Their work is to provide consultations, advises, services and opinions to other company who hire their services. Though companies can not totally rely on consultancies for suggestions as they are outsiders, they must consult with their own employees because they know organization in a better way.
As Consultancies are proficient in their fields and they provide services to various companies, so they have good experience in there field. Getting services from the consultancies is a good option and hiring them for better view points and suggestions are increasing day by day. A company which has no department or no experienced employee in a particular area than it is better to hire a consultant rather than wasting a time to hire a full time employee or to spend time in listening to their own employee who don't have prior experience about the matter.
For Instance, a company have to deliver a project within short span of time but to complete the project, a company need pundit for the fulfillment of the project but they lack in experienced employee so they can't wait for their employees to be trained and then they will apply their knowledge to finish that task, In these scenarios, hiring proficient consultants from outside is better opinion. They will share their knowledge and experience and once task is delivered, they will leave the company. Hence in this way company will benefited by consultant.
Secondly, In an organization where they have to make a very big decision, lot of money is involved in the project. For successful completion of that project, they sometime need second opinions, profound suggestions from expertise in that area for that they hire a consultants from outside but a company on the other hand never neglect their employees. They do consider their own employees viewpoint and suggestions. As they very well understand their organization and they have spend years in the company. A company in this situation can't totally depend on outside person, though they take suggestions but they also welcome their own employee view point as well.
So, it totally depend upon the situation whether existing employee efficacy is enough to deal with situation or not. If not they can hire consultants for transient, take expert opinion and get advantages from their services. | In terms of quality of ideas, you won't score more than a 2 because you offer conflicting ideas in your essay. In your opening statement, you take the side that the company should listen to their employees. Then throughout the body of your essay, you discuss the importance of hiring consultants for the company benefit in comparison with listening to the employees. You do not defend your stance that the company should listen to their employees opinion in any paragraph. Then, in your conclusion, you again change your mind and say that the idea of listening to a consultant should be on a case to case basis. You need to pick a side and make sure to develop the essay within the vein the prompt provides.
Organization would clock in at a 3. Your discussion is poorly organized because you could not decide on which side you actually wished to support in your essay. Due to your confusion, your discussion suffered and could not reflect a proper flow of thought.
The writing style and grammar would probably have to settle for a score of 1. You have not shown a solid writing style and the lack of properly worded sentences make it difficult for the reader to decipher your true intentions behind the paragraph.
Your summary would score no higher than an A2 as your summary was affected by the way that you discussed the essay in totality. your summary doesn't reflect the kind of discussion that you are providing.
BTW, next time, please include the complete and original prompt for our reference. That way we can more accurately score your essay. I did not score you in increments as there are some other criteria that the examiner will be considering or recognizing in your essay that I may have missed. I am just offering you a base score for each section of grading at this point. |
**TOPIC: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?**
Many people believe that the increasing number of youth crime is associated with the widely spread physical scenes in media. In my opinion, this is one of the causes among in many reasons, and I believe that good parenting and a stronger ***juvenile legal system*** can prevent minors from ***embarking on a life of crime***.
In my view, there are two main reasons for the accelerating rate of ***youth violation***. Firstly, parents are too busy with work, which they are ***not being able to spend*** enough time with their children. Without the supervision and care, teenagers do not feel the need to stay at home , as a result, they end up **being** on the streets and entertain themselves in a way that can excite them , such as stealing. Secondly, the ***punitive measures*** for *adolescence* are not strong enough to stop them from committing crimes. The penalties for young individuals are totally different from adults when it is dealing with the same crime. In many countries, the sanctions for teenagers are considered to be warning rather than actual punishment.
I think that the ***incidence of youth crime*** can be reduced through good parenting and a strengthen juvenile legal system. Parents play an important role **in** the growth of teenagers. If parents spend more time to connect with their children and get to know their friends, teenagers are unlikely to feel bored and isolated from family. Meanwhile, strict penalties should be introduced ***aimed at*** punishing young offenders, in particular, the repeat offenders, as I believe that this will be an effective way to minimise and deter the crime intention of young people.
To conclude, the increasing number of youth offenders are driven by the **lenient** juvenile legal rules and distance relationship between young individuals and parents, good parenting and deterrent penalty are the key solutions to solve this problem.
#####
Hi all,
Those words with word effect are self-correcting after look up online for better expressions and grammar corrections.
Any better expression for sentences in red color please?
Any recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you very much :) | Siu, I am going to caution you against looking up better word terms and grammar correction online during your practice tests. Do not fall into this habit because you will not have the opportunity to do these activities when you take the actual test. In fact, the computer will not be connected to the internet in the way that you think it will be. It will have severely limited access and will only allow you to access the test server and nothing more.
Therefore, you should write this essay in the way that your natural grammar, sentence structure, lexicon, and task achievement will be reflected and actually graded. All practice tests as designed to discover the problem areas of your English skills. If you cheat the system by looking up the words and grammar in an effort to try and improve your practice score, you will not be fooling anyone but yourself. Come time for the actual test, you will most likely freeze and be unable to write because you already got used to perfecting your essays through online help.
Remember this, you do not need to present a grammatically perfect essay. You just need to present the best essay that your English abilities will allow you to. You will be graded fairly based upon your skills. Cheating yourself during the practice test will not help you at all. You can improve your writing skills outside of the practice tests based upon our suggestions for your improvement.
At this point, I will refuse to grade the test and even review it for content because this is not who you really are on paper. You are not reflecting your true abilities in this essay and as such, I cannot properly guide you towards the improvement of your English writing skills. I am sorry about that but I feel that is the only fair thing to do. Now, if you will rewrite this essay in your own words and allow us to accurately judge you based on your real writing abilities, then I will offer you the best possible advice to help you hone your skills. |
**A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans,while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs,including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**
With all the variety of people's opinions to what concerned animal rights,some people think that animals need to have equal rights as humans, while others believe that animals were created to serve human kinds and to provide food for them. This essay will discuss both point of view.
With all this exploitation of animals, some people think that human life is the most important thing in this planet and everything must be done to ensure human survival. Furthermore,they believe that is acceptable to kill animals for medical research reasons in order to cure illnesses,and that animals do not feel loss or pain as humans.food is also one of the reasons why animals have been slaughtered or killed.
However, i do not believe that these arguments stand up to scrutiny. To begin, many studies show that animals have emotions and feelings like human have,they can feel pain if they are treated badly, they can feel unhappy in a cage, also they feel sad when they lose someone. In addition, it has been shown that the most of medical research done on animals were for cosmetics reason and just a few were for research on cures for human diseases. also other studies show that humans can get all their needs of vitamins and proteins from green vegetables and fruits.
To conclude, there is no reason for humans to mistreat or kill animals.personally, i reckon animals needs to be protected by our government and our society as well,and any overrun in their right should be punishable by law.
Thank you so much for your time.
I would love to read all your comments | Merci, because of the fact that you repeated the paraphrasing of the prompt twice and then did not properly discuss the essay, you actually cannot score higher than a 1 in terms of the Task Requirement. Which also means, that you will not score higher than a 1 in the Grammar Accuracy along with Coherence and Cohesion. These dismal scores are all because you failed to follow the prompt requirements that dictated you discuss the two opinions as presented in the prompt, along with your personal opinion in the essay. All you presented, from the beginning to the end of the essay are facts based upon your personal opinion. Thus proving to the examiner that you do not understand the prompt instructions. Which in turn results in the realization that you are unable to write a proper English essay due to limited comprehension abilities. I'm so sorry about this. I hope you will do better with your succeeding practice tests. I look forward to seeing your improvement. I am hoping this was only a one time mistake on your part and that it will not happen again, for your sake. |
**Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.
What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?
What solutions can you suggest?**
The diversity of bio-organisms and animal species is an essential part of our nature and environment. Nowadays, because of the human's influence on the world's ecosystems, many animals and plants are facing extinction. Proceses like deforestation and the Climate changes are the main causers of the lost of bio-diversity. With that said, it is still not late for the humanity to take actions and find a solution, which can tackle this problem.
Since the beginning of the 20-th century, we live in the era of industrialization. As we continue to burn fossil and polute the environment, many animals will to loose their natural habitats. For example, due to the rising tempreatures at the North Pole, caused by the Global Warming, the ice there continues to melt and makes it impossible for the white bear to survive. Furthermore, nowadays many animals struggle to adapt in this fast changing environment created by the human's actions.
On the other hand, the recent improvements in most of the technological areas provide us with numerous oppotunities to solve the problem. If we as a kind, succeed in creating a renewable and clean energy, we can definitely take control of the climate changes. Moreover, we can diminish the problem with the deforestation and even begin to plant more trees, with which we can preserve the natural animal habitats. In addition to this, everybody can start to recycle their wasted products and use the internet to check the news instead of buying newspapers, which can save a lot of energy and stop the mass cuts of trees.
In conclusion, i think that the humanity still have a chance to save and rescue many animal species of extinction. But in order to do that, we should transform our societies into more enviromentally friendly and cautions one's | George, please note that for lexical resource purposes, you should always spell out the information in the essay. That includes references to the centuries. You currently have it written at 20-th century. The proper numerical reference would be 20th century. However, for the purposes of showing your vocabulary abilities, spell it out as twentieth century. There is also the problem of the way that you spelled the term "proceses", the correct spelling is "processes". Also, global warming should not be capitalized as this is not a proper noun but rather a descriptive action. Only proper nouns are capitalized. The same rule applies to the north pole. It is a location and therefore, need not be treated like a proper noun. Pay attention to your conclusion. The lack of a period at the end of the final sentence makes it seem like you are still typing up some information but then accidentally hit the submit button. Don't make that mistake in the actual test because it will affect your grammatical accuracy rating for this specific test. |
Become an astronaut is Jill dream while an underwater explorer is her passion today's, especially a cave diver. Jill Heinert, a TED speaker, was tried to explore about the wonders of Mother Earth in the past. For her, cave diving is the most dangerous attempt in the world. Swimming in blackness, silent environment and without clues to exit makes her occupation more risky. But every ways she does to explore new environment under the ocean. Firstly, she told that our Earth in not a solid but more likes a sponge with many tiny holes. Diving inside the Antarctica makes her become the first person who ever explore the inside cave of iceberg. Secondly, her purpose are discovers ice ecology and investigate for life-forms beneath the ice. As an exploration result, she found a species that no one ever existed before with unique features such as no pigment, no eyes and tremendously live longer since dinosaur's age. Furthermore, she with biologist and physicists also take a sample for rocks in the caves, slice them and look at the layers in the rocks. In addition, her team found that they can estimate about the climate changes in our planet at very different times. | Dioba, if you will just omit the first sentence in your summary, you will find that the summary essay makes much more sense. It accomplishes the task of delivering only the necessary information in a better manner than if the first sentence was still included. I am happy to tell you that your essay is really informative and I understood exactly what you are trying to say, even though the grammar accuracy range is only mid range. The rough language and sometimes misplaced words were not exactly troublesome as I was still able to narrow down exactly what you were trying to say. One thing though, it seems you forgot to note the name of the species that she discovered while exploring. I am sure that information was relayed in the video. You just weren't quick enough to note it this time around. That is the only part of the essay where you may have failed in task accuracy. Not to worry though, your overall work on the essay proves that you at least, have enough English comprehension and writing skills to get your thoughts and explanations across in an understandable manner to the reader. |
Nowadays, the environmentalists and scientist believe that global warming is one of the most dangerous issues around the world. Not only affects to the widespread countries, but also ecosystems across the Arctic and Antarctica. As a result, the population of obvious species such as fish and seabirds will decline because the warmer climate. In the other hand, animals in other continent are affected critical part of the ecosystem in the Canadian Arctic Archipelago, which has more than 36,000 islands. Reindeer or well-known as caribou travel over the ice land to find food and shelter and raise their young. | Dioba, the article that you summarized is too short. It is obvious that you wrote this summary in a rush because there is not enough information in it to deliver an authoritative feel. Also, the information is more like hearsay because you did not manage to inform the reader about who wrote the article, where it was published, and what the purpose of the article is. In fact, your summary is open ended in the sense that the final sentence does not sound like a conclusion. It is almost as if you were supposed to add some information to it but failed to do so. Did you run out of time or something? In terms of task achievement, I feel that you could have performed better and offered more information from the article. This is not as good a work as the first one you submitted for review. I suggest that you try to write another summary based on this article. Try to improve on your presentation and make sure that it is a informative as it can be for the reader. Remember, a summary must deliver the most important points of an article confusing the reader. In this case, there is notable confusion even in the way that you wrote the summary. |
The new something can add to our life with many ways, mainly think or planning and try it for the next 30 days because this way is very effectively to support our self-do more, pressure and harder 30 days challenge and finally be much more memorable about something. We can keep thinking of self that one small thing is sustainable changes.
Source : TED | Yurike, did you really finish reading the article that you decided to summarize? I don't believe that you did. This statement actually doesn't make sense. There are simply too many missing facts in your report for this summary to be informative or reflective of the original article. You do not have a proper topic sentence at the start of the essay which would have successfully introduced the central discussion topic. I am not even sure what the 30 day challenge is about in your summary mostly because you have long winded sentences that do not have any objective. It is almost as if you did not understand what you read so you just tried to come up with something for the summary, whether is was applicable or not. Whether it actually informed the reader or not. This is one of your worst summaries to date that I have read. I hope you will fully read the article again and try to write a more applicable summary report for it. This summary would not get a passing grade in any aspect of scoring consideration. |
The scientists make a research about coral around the island of Kiritimati and proved the coral about 85 percent was dead, 10 percent was sick and bleached, but only 5 per cent was doing okay. It occurred because of hot water phenomenon from El Nino. this is natural warming which sometimes occurred in the Pacific ocean and has the influence to change weather worldwide and also made global warming effect which coral damage in the sea. Meanwhile, the coral species are able to rebound and recover their life, but it still susceptible by El Nino threat, finally need to protect the coral with any natural systems.
Source : New Scientist | Yurike, your grammar accuracy could use some work. Your thought process proves that you are thinking in your native language and then simply translating it to English. Which is why the correct information is found in your topic sentences and paragraphs, but are misplaced in the formation of the sentence. This affects the final presentation of your work and sometimes confuses the reader because we have to reorganize your sentence in our minds as we read it in order to make sense of your statement. You need to practice developing your English sentence structures using the online sentence structure tests. These practice tests will serve you well in learning to properly write your English sentences and help you to better form your paragraphs as well. |
**(Summary TED) Secret to great public speaking**
Chris Anderson, give many formula for all people to become a good speakers. First, communicate properly, secondly build your ideas and make your audience curiosity and guess what will you speaking next. There is no single formula for a great talk, let it flow and influence the audience. Everyone can became a good speaker if they are confident to speak. | Alfin, are you sure you have presented all of the information that is pertinent to the summary in your writing? Your essay is so short that as I read it, I can tell that you are lacking key explanations in your presentation. For example, you lack a proper introduction for Chris Anderson. Who is he? Why is he an authority when it comes to public speaking? Next, when you present the information about how to become a good speaker, you should have summarized the importance of each speaking trait so that the reader will know what function each action has in relation to becoming an effective public speaker. When you said that there is no formula to great public speaking, you contradicted your summary information because you already said that there are specific traits that create a good public speaker. A summary cannot present conflicting information. In all honesty, a 4 sentence summary can never be deemed as properly developed and an accurate reflection of the video information that you have been tasked to summarize. |
***Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?***
## people choose libraries to find information
There is an opinion that starting to build a library is a throwing of money since the citizen can use the internet to find information anything they want. I really disagree with the opinion because not all data from the internet are valid. However, statistical result shows that many people still place the library as the first place to find reference.
Anyone can connect to the internet, and we can search anything that we want from the internet. However, the information from the internet sometimes is not valid because anyone can provide information without being proved. Research conducted by Ms. Urara Shiraishi from Tokyo University gives the result that almost 72 percent web sites except journal website provides the wrong information about the earth (used to be a controlled variable). This is the evidence that we cannot use the internet as our "first reference."
Although to build library costs a lot of money, in fact, since 2000, the number of visitor searching a book a valid journal has increased so far according to the research conducted by Mr. James Goods from Leeds University. He mentioned that there is no point to tell that making libraries is just spending the budget. He also stated that in the future, all academic source should be cited from library. So this is non-sense to tell that establishing libraries are wasting a money.
All in all, I believe that we cannot find a perfect reference from internet. Because of its prospect, making libraries can be acceptable because people, now, tend to choose library to find any information as their reference.
(265 Words) | Ivan, you should have worked a little bit more on the presentation of your personal opinion on the topic. Your line of reasoning is too limited and does not really offer a more in-depth understanding of your belief behind the reason why libraries will eventually make a comeback and surpass the internet in popularity. Keep in mind that your layman's reasoning is the most important aspect of this essay discussion. That is because the prompt actually requires you to present a fully threshed out discussion of your opinion in the essay.
In this case, you have academic discussions fully developed while your personal discussion has left the reader wanting to learn more about the idea that you presented. That is all you have presented right now, an idea. It doesn't really properly support your discussion and as such, can actually pull your final score down in an actual test. Always remember to fully discuss your personal opinion whenever it is required by the essay prompt.
In fact, you need not present any other academic resource for your discussion in those instances. Or if you feel the need to present a supporting professional opinion, make it a quick paragraph before your own opinion. You should always highlight your own thoughts on the matter being discussed. Just focus on your personal opinion and the essay will really gain a higher score because of it. |
The diagram illustrates the process of precipitation happened the surface of the earth and the topsoil. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that the cycle of rainfall needs several steps before storing in the sea.
To begin with, because of the sun, the water in the sea, lakes and rivers evaporates and rises into the air, called water vapor. When it comes to the sky, the wind blows water vapor cools with turning back into clouds. Subsequently, the wind carries out the cloud to the higher hallway. As a result, the water on the cloud droplet with combining increasingly large granules after several times.
After the water drops into the earth, most the water is absorbed by the soil in the layer of the earth. More broadly, the water turns into sea through river, lakes and seas. For all intents and purposes, the water stored in the sea and it is ready to evaporate again.
* | Nina, your summary paragraph is a bit confusing. The first sentence lacks a cohesive presentation in order to create kind of understanding that the reader hopes to gain by reading your opening summary. The rest of the paragraphs though, have actually delivered the required information in a diagram summary. I will admit that your essay has a big problem in the grammar accuracy and lexical resource portion. However, the problem is not as severe as others in the sense that, with some concentration and repeated reading, the reader will eventually understand what you are trying to say. It is nice to see that you have the ability to turn in cohesive paragraphs which have a logical discussion thread. You will definitely get good points for that. |
The diagrams reveal the information regarding the steps and tools utilized in the cement production process and how cement usage in concrete production for construction matters. Overall, the cement-making process has six handmade linier stages which start from crusher some raw materials to the packaging cement. Meanwhile, the concrete production of cement for building purpose has only one stage man-made linier step which mixes some raw materials.
According to the diagram, the first step of cement production is that crush a limestone and clay until involves to the powder. Following this, the powder inserts to the mixer and passes through the rotating heater. In this step, the powder is heating by high temperatures and then it is grinded by grinder to produce cement. Finally, cement is packaging into bags and ready to utilize.
Turning to the produce concrete for construction matters, it collects some raw materials by the measure, for instance less than a fifth for cement, on in ten of water, a quarter of sand and a half small stones. More broadly, it is provided in the concrete mixer and after that limestone appears to be true.
* | Muhamad, your first sentence is too long. You could have created at least 2 sentences from the content of that single sentence. The second sentence could have presented the information about cement usage in making concrete. That said, your summary paragraph is quite informative and meets all of the prompt requirements for the task accuracy section. Your final paragraph also suffers from the same problem. You should have broken the sentences up into multiple topic sentences since it was possible to do so. I see that it can create at least 3 new sentences, which would have in turn, allowed the paragraph to become more informative and look more authoritative. Overall though, you did not do a shabby job when it came to the content of the summary. The sentences used tended to have some grammar accuracy problems but it never detracted from the meaning of the summary so it can be ignored. However, points would still have been deducted for it in the actual test. |
As we know, Samsung, One of the biggest company in the world the which produced many gadgets such as mobile phones, cameras and many more. Recently, It Became trending topics Because they decided to recall galaxy note 7 Because many cases where it was exploded. It caused revenue of samsung decrease extremely. After that, in America Also occurs same problem, they give information about the recall to the wash machine Because many problems like smsung galaxy note 7. The recall involves 34 models of top-load washing machines made between March 2011 and November 2016 and costing $ 450- $ 1.500. | Alfin, for starters, you do know the rules for writing proper nouns right? The first letter has to be capitalized. You will notice that in your article summary, you failed to capitalize the name of the company (Samsung) and the cellphone model (Galaxy Note 7). Please note that you will be graded on Grammatical accuracy every step of the way so the rules of writing will apply and will be scored in the tests. You are definitely going to lose points for this error on your part in this essay. You were careless in your writing and you did not bother to proof read your work before submission. This is evident because you wrote "America Also" instead of the more correct "America also" form. Your information feels incomplete. Mostly because the summary is too short and obviously lacks references to some information such as the amount of decline in the Samsung income and the problems that relate to the Samsung washing machine problems. The information regarding those events were in the article but you failed to note it in your summary. |
**IELTS Summary TED The Happy Secret for Better Work**
Shawn Anchor believes that our brain views can shapes our reality. Not only change our brain views, but also we can change the lens in which has effect on our happiness, educational and business outcome at the same time. He tried to find the key to understanding the science of happiness. He said that our external world is predictive of our happiness, we just know only 10 percent of long-term happiness. Fortunately, the most gives impact is how to our brain views processes of the world. That is the formula for happiness and success. We can change our mind, automatically we can affect reality. From his research, he find that only a quarter job successes are predicted by IQ, the rest are predicted by our optimism levels, social supports and the last our ability to see stress as a challenge. When our brain positive performs, it will rises other aspects such as creativity and energy. | Dioba, do us a favor and include the link to the video that you watched ok? It is a bit difficult for us to assess your work when we cannot analyze the video personally for comparison with your summary. Basically, your summary left me with some unanswered questions. I wonder if the video provided the answer but you did not finish watching the video so you did not realize that the questions had answers in the later part of the presentation? Some questions that the reader is left with include:
1. Did Shawn Anchor find the key to happiness through his research? What was his hypothesis regarding this idea?
2. How does our brain change or shape our view of reality?
3. What did you mean by "The most that gives impact..."? What is the most?
4. How does changing our mind automatically affect reality?
When you write a summary, you are not supposed to leave the reader with more questions rather than answers to the article, video, or audio recording that you listened to. Make sure to preempt any questions that the summary may pose and include responses to them. As you can see, while you were listening to and watching the video, you could have noted more keywords or information that could have led to a more informative summary. |
Steven Johnson, TED' speakers explained about transformation of ideas became great inventions. In the past, most of inventors find a good way to making fun, one of them are discovered inventions to making satisfied for their life. For example, typewritter was invention which in started from music invention. Honestly, we should don't forget about history because from the older inventions could make someone more thought regarding next inventions. | Alfin, please include the link to the video next time you post a similar TED video so that we can review it on you behalf. We need to be able to watch the video for ourselves in order to better advise you regarding the content of your essay. At this point, I can offer you a general review based upon what you have written.
Sadly, I am not satisfied with the summary that you wrote because it is confusing to read. There is no sense of logic to what you are saying and the continuity is quite dizzying to follow. One minute, you are discussing the typewriter and in the same sentence, the typewriter somehow turned into a discussion about music. How did that happen? I am sure that is not how that information was presented in the video that you viewed.
The mere length of your essay, which is too short for it to be considered a complete and informative summary, will already tell the reviewer that you have not written an informative and well developed summary. The grammar problems will further promote that idea since it is difficult to follow your flow of thought within the discussion.
You even added a personal opinion at the end with your final sentence, which as you know, is not allowed because you are only being asked to summarize the report and not offer an opinion. So that means that points will be deducted in the task accuracy portion. |
***What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?***
In the modern age, water is a crucial factor needed by everyone. It is popularly believed that water scarcity happens to most of countries over the world. This essay will first discuss about the causes resulting water scarcity caused by over water use and El-Nino, then present the seawater and weather modification can be the solution to overcome the problem.
We live in the situation when we cannot stop the use of water. The company can also get the soil water and give the adverse effect such as the lack of water. Research conducted by Mrs. Yui Yoshioka from Fukuoka University found that over usage of water is the cause causing water scarcity in most countries. However, she also stated that El-Nino, the weather condition which summer takes longer than raining season, was another cause as well.
Here are my solutions. Firstly, the company should replace soil water from seawater with using the salt filtration and convert it to be the water without salt. It can scientifically increase the water storage level inside the soil just above 35 percent according to newscientist. Also, weather modification such as giving salt to clouds can solve the dry season although it cost much money. This can be the solution for drought in a particular country. These are the suitable solutions and proved by science.
All in all, soil water used by company should be converted to sea water to preserve the water level in the land. Also, El-Nino condition can be overcome by spreading salt to clouds.
(253 Words) | Ivan, your task accuracy could land you a score of 7. You really nailed the paraphrasing of the prompt in your presentation. Although, grammar problems did exist, your presentation was still clear and the presentation of your ideas, understandable enough to describe the tone and purpose of the essay.
With regards to your coherence and cohesiveness, the flow of discussion is logical. You did not miss a beat in the manner that you offered both scientific research and public responsibility in the prevention of water shortage. You introduced the El-Nino discussion at just the right point. I have to point out that you could have further presented the El-Nino discussion to support your essay if you had presented it as a separate paragraph topic instead.
It is your lexical resource that may end up with a lower score of 6 along with your grammar range and accuracy. You used some technical terms to describe the situation and the method by which it can be dealt with so there is a sense of complexity in the grammar use and sentence development. I am just not sure if you will have the opportunity to present such detailed information in the actual test because there won't be a chance to research information for your essay when the actual test comes.
Overall, you have done a tremendously good job on this essay. Congratulations! |
**Some people think it is waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**
Nowadays, technology and information were faster than before. Since invention of the internet people more chosen use it in the daily activities, especially in education. As the impact, they are looking for information at home and other argue that building libraries is waste of money. I totally disagree about that statement and believe that libraries are important to incline reader motivation to make a book or research.
Invention the internet in this modern era brings positive effect in developing of education. Because of that, many people have known some research from other countries however, just abstract or the result of research. Besides, human can read book everywhere and whenever they want. Unfortunately, there was also fake information that can find and usually when people open the internet there are porn video or picture. Based on research of Technology information department at Tokyo University found that 35 percent in the several webs there was incorrect data or information. Due to of the reason people should go to library if want to find the real information.
Establishing of library is the best way to make public get more motivation to read and like books. A journal from Singapore University explained that since 2013 motivation to read book have grown up 25 percent because there were new libraries with good facilities and biggest building. In contrast, at national University of Singapore around 30 percent student have made book since establish new library.
In conclusion, however the internet have helped people to get fast information but building libraries is good solution to get more information with reader books, without fake information. (267w). | Reski, you need to do your best to paraphrase the prompt statement from the original. If you don't paraphrase the whole prompt, the reviewer will lower your score because you will have plagiarized the statement in your opening discussion. Try to explain the prompt in your own words as best as you can. Make it original because the reviewer will know if you paraphrased the prompt or not. Also, do not say "incline a reader". The term you are looking for here is inspire, e.g. ... inspire the readers...
Your second paragraph is trying to provide too much unrelated information to the reader. While your reasons are good, the fact that you did not take the time to properly explain your stand using these reasons and examples will further affect your final essay score. Make sure that you use coherent and cohesive examples in your discussion in order to increase your score rate.
In truth, you really did not accurately and effectively defend your stand on the matter. Since your score will be based upon individual assessment, maybe there is a chance that you can get a higher score in the other sections for review. When it comes to task accomplishment though, you are really unable to properly represent your prompt discussion. |
***What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?***
Many people over the world experienced water sparsity. They are hard to access clean water and some are difficult to find water source in their country. This is because pollutant spread the water sources such as chemical waste on the river. Then, recycling water is offered as the solution by this essay.
One factor caused water scarcity in some regions in the worlds is water pollution. Many things can be a factor to dirty water such as the lack of knowledge of people about the sewage system in which they set it near from water source. As a result, it pollutes water. In addition, an environmental study concluded that 52% water sources in Japan were stained by various factory wastes around them. So that inhabitants could not take water from the river as their water sources.
To overcome water pollution, I think that recycling water is one of the good solutions offered. People can make an invention by using the latest or sophisticated technology. For instance in Jakarta there was a group of students who made a raft of goods to recycle water in an amount of water. For a large quantity, they have to develop it further. In one hand, Australian inventor had made a water recycling which they have recycled their used water to be a clean water for other necessity. Therefore, people may apply their way to conserve water.
To sum up, chemicals from factory or bad sewage system or sanitation may pollute water sources, which will cause water paucity in which lead people to suffer. Thus, recycling used water to use many times can be applied for using water wisely. 274w | Anna, you could score really well in an actual test. In this practice test, your task achievement will be in the range of 6 and above because you were able to properly represent the prompt, offer a solid discussion, and present a commonly known solution to the problem. All of which combine to create a highly responsive essay on your part.
Coherence and Cohesion would be around a 6 as well. You have a logical presentation for your singular solution which has allowed you to better develop your discussion of the solution. While it can still be further developed, the information you currently present works well towards informing the examiner that you have an acceptable grasp of sentence structure and logical discussion formats.
Now, for the lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy, that would be a 5. You have a lot more work to do in order to overcome the simple words and simple sentence structures that you used in the essay. While there are times when I found myself repeating my reading of your information, I normally managed to understand what you are saying by the second reading. So you did not stress out the reader too much in this instance and you are understandable enough to the other readers. |
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**
In the present, water is the main need of humans, every day they use water approximately 20-50 litre or may be more than that. It is include drink, take a bath, washing and so on. Without water, human's life does not perfect. But with the modern era, crisis of water is rapidly rise and scarcity of water.
There are some reasons, why water is difficult to find. Firstly, the developing of human populations causes water is an extremely use. And it is also needed for industrial, agriculture, environment and companies. Based on Brimingham University Article explained, today the amount of water reached least proportion, approximately 20-30 percent. It is caused the number of people in UK increase 15 percent per year. People should organize their water using.
On the other hand, global warming is one of the reason. Global warming causes change of weather do not based on schedule, such as summer more long than winter. Due to of the reason, when summer water becomes difficult and in several locations have happened dry season. It is refer to explanation of Environmental Agency, they explained drying in some locations in Los Angeles made people lack of water and societies need help of water source. In addition, most companies and inhabitant dispose of household waste or industry source, it make water clean more small to find.
All in all, people must keep their environment and smart to use water in daily activities. If they do not do that, water becomes difficult to find and make it scarcity. (255w). | Reski, the task accomplishment score for your essay would not be higher than a 4. The reason for the score is that you were not able to properly respond to the prompt. You presented enough of the reasons as to why there is a water scarcity problem but you did not offer any expanded explanation regarding possible solutions relating to the water scarcity and increasing demand for water. Coherence and cohesion will most likely fall under a 5 owing to the way that you have some logic to your presentation but sometimes, there is a lack of development in your discussion. The lexical resource scoring would be around a 4 due to the limited vocabulary you have shown Sometimes, your word choices do not help to develop the sentence and instead serves to confuse the reader instead. The grammatical range and accuracy would also be a 4 because your grammar and sentence structure problems causes some strain on the part of the reader when it comes to trying to understand what you have to say. By the way, when you present information in the essay, try to keep it common and easily identifiable. By using information from the UK and its related information, you are showing that you did actual research while writing this essay. There won't be time for you to research during the actual test. So train yourself to think fast and use only commonly known information for your response development. You don't have to be academic in this case. You just need to prove that you can clearly explain your opinion in English. |
**IELTS Writing Task 2: What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**
Water supply is a critical need in human life. However, in several countries water scarcity becomes a problem that should be solved. In consequence, this essay will discuss causes and solutions for the water crisis.
Firstly, the main reason why water becomes scarce is the excessive consumption of people. Many people usually consume water undue and out of control. For instance, theme park which provides recreational activities use thousands cubic of water and dispose it into the rivers. Overuse of water without any care about the effects on the environment can reduce the amount of clean water. The solution to tackle this problem is giving education about how to use water wisely and making the water recycler. Producing the technology of recycling water can revolve the water consumption so that we can always use clean water without any scarce
Secondly, bad habits of many factories which throw their waste into the water, and cause water pollution makes people have difficulties to find the clean water. For example, factory's waste water consists of mercury and nitrates. They drain the waste through pipes into rivers, canals and led to the ocean. As we realise, it will affect the supply of clean water to household. The solution that can be given is building the proper waste management system so that the factories can provide the positive impact to human life. In addition, making wastewater treatment or water purification can increase the capacity of clean water.
All in all, two factors can cause water scarcities are overuse water and water pollution. We can conclude that recycling water technologies and operate wastewater treatment are the problem solving of the water scarcity. | Anisa, your opening statement can use some clarity. The word choice in the paragraph makes the meaning of your restated prompt confusing. You see the term "consequence" connotes something bad that results from an action or series of actions. In this instance, you are not talking about consequences. You are talking about possible solutions to the water shortage problem. So you should have simply said something like, "The problem could be resolved by implementing the following solutions." or something to that effect. Overall though, your essay shows a clear line of thought, the discussion is valid and acceptable, and the proposed solutions are common known and already implemented in some countries. Therefore, this essay will be considered a passing essay. It will pass even though the grammar is not that good and your sentences do not contain very complex words because your explanation can easily be understood by the reader and you did not cause undue stress on the comprehension of the reader in terms of reading your essay. |
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**
The majority of people take the view that building libraries are not useful owing to the fact that, internet can handle people for getting information. However, I personally would believe that I totally agree with this statement since internet has covered much significant news. This essay will first discuss about people are seldom to visit the library due to internet and library is ancient way for people to acquire new information and money can be used to build another facility.
To begin with, money can be used for other interests due to the fact that, internet can make everything simpler and I am sure that people tend to choose internet than library to discover new information. Based on the research by University of Southampton is stated that the number of visitors in Bristol library fell extremely while internet could cover many places in the world in 2007. Fast and simple by using internet make people tend to seldom go to the library. Up to a point, this is true but there is a limitation at the same information which only can find in library.
A further reason is that library is an old way for people to explore new information, while internet have changed people' habit to come to library. It is better to use money to build new internet sport or do a research about internet which can be used whenever we are. For instance, in Indonesia these days government prefer to use money to make internet car while can be reached in rural area. This authority is true because the money will be more effective and straight to the point than e-book.
All in all, I totally agree that it is not significant to build many libraries because in recent day's people seldom visit library and it is old way that people have left to come to library in new modern era. | Mardian, some comments about your writing style. In the opening paragraph, you wrote a redundancy in reference to your supporting the move that establishing libraries is a waste of money. You could have just said that "I believe" or "I totally agree..." You need not have combined the two phrases in one sentence. Avoiding redundancies will help to boost your score because you will have a chance to improve your lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy scores. By showing that you know how to use the English phrases, in the right context, you will show a heightened English usage ability.
Another point of concern for me as a reviewer, is that you are referring to information dating back to 2007. That makes the information over 9 years old. If you wish to cite accurate and acceptable information in this type of essay, your information must not be older than 5 years old. Anything older than that is considered inaccurate due to the age of the information. It tends to become irrelevant and thus, inapplicable to the essay. You need to always use the most up to date information. However, in this sort of test, you will not have the time to research the latest information prior to presentation. So I would suggest that you simply use the knowledge and information that you already know about the topic in your discussion. That way, you get to prove that you truly understand the everyday concerns presented by the prompt. Needless to say, basing the response on your personal experience or notable commonly known and remembered information will be better for your essay than trying to impress the reviewer with almost 10 year old information. |
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**
Nowadays, water is the most essential part in the world on the grounds that, every daily activity needs water. But, these days the amount of water is utterly decreasing, and several causes are the key of this problems. Personally, I would believe that there are several solutions to handle this problem. This essay will first explain about people's habit which have used water wastefully and dry season as the main problems and then talk about that inhabitants should change their bad habits by understanding the consequences that will happen and people need to make backup water while dry season happens.
Using water in appropriate way has cause a lack of water in many places because the amount of water is limited. Sometimes people just let water flow from faucet with no attention, and they do not realize that water needs long process to be ready to reuse by people in the next day. With reference to the latest scientific research, one litter of water that we depleted took two a half month by natural processing which could be used by people again. A further reason is a dry season that will give a huge impact to the availability of water in several countries. When the intensity of rain is below standard, it absolutely makes a drought season. For instance, Africa experienced a long drought while there was no rain in three months. The consequences was land being dry and there was no water in well.
On the other hand, using water efficiently is a simple idea which can hugely save the existence of water. To make this change is enough difficult and need deeply understanding about the risk that will exist in the future. After that, people will automatically do without any order. In September, BBC news announced that family was the first place for people to know the function for saving water to the next generation. What is more, it is better for people to keep water in a large storage that will be used in dry season. It is a brilliant idea to fill the necessary in the future.
To sum up, wasting of water is the majority problem and dry season is a problem that needs to handle while the amount of water is limited. Besides, understanding from the function of water in the future and collecting every water drop from the sky are the solutions of this problem. | Mardian, in terms of task accuracy along with coherence and cohesion, I believe that you could get a band score of 6 for the opening statement alone. That is because you have shown a clear understanding of the prompt and a more than acceptable paraphrasing of the topic within the opening paragraph. The rest of the essay shows that you took some time to outline your thoughts and your discussion method in the succeeding paragraphs. Though there may be some language inconsistencies in the overall essay, the topic and opinion discussions stand out in the essay and is easily identifiable by the reader.
As for the lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy, this could very well score a 5 since the errors in word usage and grammar use, along with sentence development problems are evident but isn't so bad that it changes the message of your written work. An example of the word usage problem would be when you used the term "litter" which means trash or garbage when what you really meant to say was "liter" which is a liquid measurement description. Not to worry though, these problems are minimal and should see some improvement along with the additional practice tests you will be completing.
Mistakes aside, the fact that you did not give the reader a hard time in deciphering what you want to say is enough for me to believe that you will be showing continued improvement over time. Keep the faith and keep up the good work. |
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**
Nowadays, lots of countries have the same issue about dearth of water. It is one of the worst threat for human live in the earth. Personally, I believe that there are several causes of water crisis, such as water lavish is used by human and illegal deforestation also there are several solutions, such as saving water resources and reforestation. This essay will first discuss about water wasteful and how to save pure water by human then talk about illegitimate of deforestation by companies and how to prohibit this issue.
To begin with, water is one of the main resources that should always to fulfill for human live in the earth. Owing to the fact that human would not be able to survive without water. Unfortunately, now many people who like wasting water without caring for how to maintain the existence of water. According to the AMKDITD research in Indonesia in 2013, 43 percent Indonesian over to use water for something not integral, such as washing car. Consequently, many cities, such as in Papua demanding to get water. So, needs a solution to solve this issue, such as rescue of water. It is integral implications for the preservation of water. With reference to ASMS research in Southampton in 2007, since 1990 societies in many district in Southampton already contribute to keep water, such as delimitation to use water in family. As a result, water supply sustainable would remanded over time.
On the other hand, on the grounds that, many companies construct the building in forest. According to the latest Halaby research in Queensland in 2011, water scarcity issue, 64 percent causes by illegal deforestation in Queensland. Thus, government in there give a punishment for all of concerned corporations and court to cope a water problem. Therefore, all of people, corporation and other need to keep environment, such as participate in reforestation in their country.
All in all, I believe that each issues has solutions to solve them. Water wasteful and deforestation can solve with saving water and contribute in reforestation program, not only government but all of people have responsibility to do it. | Wily, you should have double checked your essay topic prior to submitting your work to the forum for review. You have made a grave error by mistakenly placing the wrong response with the wrong prompt. In an actual test, this would garner you an automatic failing score of 1. There will not even be a review of the other scoring criteria in this case. Wrong prompt response show a carelessness on your part. It tells the examiner that you do not care about passing the test because you did not even bother to double check your response against the prompt.
Now, I realize that you most likely typed up the essays in word and then just cut and paste it into the submission box here. That is alright. The problem, is that you were careless and sloppy when you submitted your work. Imagine how you would feel if this was the actual test and you did exactly that. It would be heartbreaking to fail just because you did not bother to double check the prompt. I don't think that will happen in the actual test because you will be writing one essay at a time into a single box. Just the same, I caution you about this mistake. Make sure that you counter check the response to the prompt. Otherwise, you will have wasted your time with these reviews. You will fail due to carelessness. |
***What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions**?*
In modern, lots of people can acquire much information using internet. It is popularly believed that build libraries can spend much money. Personally, I believe totally agree with this statement because now, people live in advance technology and anything can obtain with internet especially information. This essay will first discuss about explanation of do not useful of libraries in a country then talk about information can we obtain easily with internet.
To begin with, many issues must solve by government and it much money expenditure. Building libraries can spending of government finance. Whereas, owing to the fact that lots of people indolent to go to library because they can acquire knowledge in others. According to KK3MD research in Norwegian in 2013, 83 percent libraries unused due to rapid of developing technology since 1998. Consequently, libraries with luxury decoration just make government finance expenses and it not useful. Nonetheless, actually, library using to collect many old books that have lots of history and it became a historic relic that people do not obtain in internet but they can get in libraries.
On the other hand, in advance technology like as now, people can easily to obtain much information wherever and whenever they want it. With reference to the latest Emerald research in 2014, all of kind information, such as International Journal or public knowledge in the world, 97 percent can we search using internet. As a result, people especially young adults do not need spend their time in library. However, sometimes people not able to read or download journal in internet because there are some journal that must pay before.
All in all, as far as I am concerned, I totally agree if government only overheads much funds to build libraries, because almost all of people have hand phone with internet that can use to pursuit knowledge easily. | Wily, look at the prompt that you are responding to. Now, read the response that you read. Do you notice anything about it? Exactly, you are being asked to discuss about the scarcity of water. Your response is all about the usefulness of libraries. So there is a clear disconnection between the prompt requirement and your response. Your band score for this test will definitely be 1 overall. The main reason you will fail this test is because the response to the prompt that you wrote shows an answer that is completely unrelated to the task provided.
Since you immediately failed the task accuracy part of the essay, you will not be graded on any other part. The reason for the automatic fail is the incorrect and unrelated response to the prompt.
Next time, please review the prompt after you have written your response. Just to make sure that you delivered the proper response to the prompt. It would be such a waste of your time and talent if you failed the test based simply on a technicality. |
**People are spending more time on the internet rather than real human beings.**
Over recent decades, online communities have become accepted worldwide. Even though people are more likely to spend their leisure time on online rather than local communities, I prefer to enjoy passing time with social contact because it strength our relationship bond.
Social interface has brought enormous benefits in our life. If people more focus on our social gathering such as birthday parties, marriage ceremonies and other parties rather than networking on the internet. Thus, friends, relatives, families will more active to take caring of relationship in many ways that will lead the sense of communication among them. In addition to this, man naturally seems to like meeting with one another because it is one kind of needs of human.
People; however, are more likely to use the web sites such as Facebook, Twitter these day. This tendency has certain benefit, but it also has some ramification. The main drawback is the fact that we will probably spend more time on web that may creates a gap among family member especially in young and older. Older member of the family may not get much time to impart values, believe and norms to others member, who are more busy with online life. Thus, it cannot contribute to the development of personality of younger.
To conclude, although the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, I prefer spending more time on real interaction because there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is, therefore, important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings. | Syeda, I am not sure if you replied to the provided prompt properly because you did not give us a complete copy of the prompt requirements. Do us a favor and post the complete prompt for our reference ok? We need to know if this paper was to be written as a personal opinion paper or what. The specifics can be gained from the original prompt. I have to point out that your essay has a tendency to present incomplete thoughts such as in the second sentence of the second paragraph. You forgot to state the topic of your sentence so it delivers an incomplete thought. As such, the paragraph would be better presented if you simply delete that line. Your overall discussion seems to be logical and, based upon the title of your essay, looks to be prompt responsive to a specific degree. Again, we need the original prompt in order to determine the extent of propriety of your response. I look forward to reading the actual prompt very soon so that I can further improve upon my advice to you. |
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**
Nowadays, many places in the world have difficulty to find water. There are several causes of this scarcity such as deforestation and increasing of water user. The solutions to tackle this matter are making water permeating area and rainwater harvesting.
Water scarcity becomes common problem which happen in this era. A huge parts of the world facing this issue annually. Logging of forest makes declining in the number of tree populations where trees are the best water absorbent from nature. Plant will save and keep the amount of underground water supply thus when drought season comes, there is still water stock. However, deforestation makes dryness and water scarcity during drought season. Another reason is inclining the number of inhabitants thus more water is needed. Furthermore, water permeating areas are converted into housing along with the increasing of human population. Meanwhile, clean water source itself is still difficult to acquire.
There are some solutions to overcome this issue. Firstly is creating water absorbent area. It can be done by tree planting such as making garden and city forest. These plants will make pores in the ground as channel to permeate water. Secondly is constructing rainwater harvesting. This way will be done if soil is not able to absorb water with maximal. We can say that this method is building water reservoir like well to keep stock of water by channelling rain water use pipes or gutters to the well.
To sum up, reducing the number of plant population and overwhelming number of inhabitants who utilize water lead to water scarcity. Making absorbent area for water and constructing rainwater harvesting are the solutions which are able to overcome this problem | Hi Meireza, let me start by offering you some corrections regarding the terms you are using in this essay. For example, The proper reference to the act of looking for water is "water shortage". The water holding areas are more popularly known as a "watershed" or "water dams", if you want to use a more popular term, you can say "water storage areas". Regarding the inhabitants in an area, you should have said "increasing number of..." instead.
I must commend you on the improvement in your writing style. You now display more coherence and logic in your discussions. There is a chronological order to the method of your evidence presentation and your reasons are understandable to the reader, even though there are some grammar mistakes. It doesn't create any confusion on the part of the reader. Good work. I hope to see your continued improvement in the coming days. |
To commence, one of the compelling reasons that justifies the thesis is that our knowledge functions as a shield that protects us from physical or emotional harms. The prime source of knowledge accumulation is by being aware of our past. Practicing such manner would make it possible for us to be aware of the miscalculations performed in the past and stop doing the same. A simple example of it is that we all are aware that a hot food can cause serious damage to our mouth and digestion system. How do we know it? Merely by recalling our child hood experience that putting something hot in the mouth would hurt and burn our tongue.
Another equally important reason, if not more, is that knowing from the past creates a sense of belonging in a person. This sense is very crucial for a society to be prosperous. When members of a society are aware that they have a glorious past history, they won't perform criminal activities. This is very significant to reduce juvenile delinquencies which is an issue that all the nations around the world are struggling with it right now. A research conducted by the MIT University on twenty different nations revealed that the crime rate in societies that members are aware of their past history and have a sense of belonging is very small in comparison with nations that are not aware of their past. This vividly depicts that if we want a safe and sound society, it is imperative to give information about the past to our society members'.
Last but not least, it is also palpable to resolve our world differences and conflicts by becoming aware of the past. For instance, when we study about Africa history, we can clearly understand that they were one united and peaceful nation, unlike now. So, if they had amicable and congenial relation in the past, it is possible to have it right now as well. | Hector, I am really sad that you did not deem it important enough to post the actual prompt above your essay. That prompt is really required so that we can give you a fair and balanced review of the strong and weak points of your essay. Right now, I am just going by what you have written and I will just assume that you are writing exactly what the prompt requires you to present. Please post the prompt when you can so that I can adjust my advice accordingly. Here we go.
As I previously mentioned to you in a separate thread, you need to practice the correct formatting using the enter key. Please make sure that you do that with your succeeding essays. That said, I have to tell you that, grammar mistakes aside, I am quite impressed with the content of your explanation. It is logical and easily understood by the reader. The way that you present your evidence can be considered to be well informed since it is based upon common known facts about the need to understand the history of a person. The clear information you present is only marred by the formatting problem and the need to create slightly more complex sentences. The discussion you have presented is a bit simple and the sentences are using slightly complex formations which, depending upon the prompt requirements, could actually land you a passing to high score in the test. |
Statistic tells us drunk driving is one of the leading causes of death in traffic accidents. In many countries, driving under the influence is already punishable by fines or prison sentences. The prison terms, however, are laid out more as upper limits rather than mandatory sentencing. If imprisonment is meted out at all, it seems to occur only in egregious cases involving lost of lives. Punishing first-time offenders by imprisonment even when no accident happens may sound harsh, but given its sheer deterrence value I would err on the side of public safety: If putting them behind bar for a year or two can potentially save just one live, I would say it's worth considering.
Oftentimes people don't take seriously the peril of mixing drinking and driving together. A prison sentence for the first offense would send a strong message that the society would not tolerate behaviors that can kill. It would also be a service to those who lost their loved ones to drunk driving. I would not object to someone doing some mundane activities while intoxicated --- playing cards, watching TVs, whatever --- but to allow him or her to propel a chunk of metal weighing a ton or more at high speed would be inviting something tragic to happen. After all, drunk driving is easily preventable: do not drink when you are about to drive. Nothing more than a bit of self-control is required here. If you can't even do that and manage to get drunk while driving, you are a danger to yourself and others and you probably deserve to be in jail.
In 2015, the World Health Organization reported that drunk driving was to blame for 26 percent of traffic death in Thailand even though the law stipulates a 60,000 Baht fine or a 6-month prison sentence or both for drunk drivers. I don't know how often the jail time is handed out, but the 26 per cent rate suggests that the fine didn't work and the prison sentence was merely an empty threat. Unless imprisonment is given heft, drunk driving will continue to be a main factor in road deaths. | Hey Chav, kudos to you for wanting to improve your English writing skills for no other reason than self-improvement. Your topic of choice is really timely and offers comes across as a decent opinion piece worthy of publication in a personal blog. You still have some grammar problems such as plural forms (bars not bar because a prisoner is placed "behind bars". A description of the metal rods that keep the prisoner in his cell.) but the complexity of your grammar and sentence structures are enough to judge you as an advanced English speaker.
The only note or suggestion that I have for you at this point doesn't have to do with the formation of the essay but the information presented. When you write an informative opinion piece, you should try to present the latest information within the discussion. In this case, the information you present is almost a year old. I am sure you can find information relating to drunk traffic accidents for the first half of the year in your country. Presenting that information will make your essay more up to date, informative, and relevant to the reader. Aside from that, you really did a good job on the development of this discussion. |