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**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, ...** At present, blaming someone who involves in a crime can guise a controversy. Some people argue that certain penalty have to be fixed by the parliament for each type of vice. However, others believe that nobody wants to do a crime, they always have hard situation that should be consider by people when deciding the punishment. I personally approve with the second motion due to some of criminal is not really guilty. Learn from the past history, ancient people have doubtless law for each crime. Everyone has to be punished no matter how big or small the case is. Reason behind the violence never be permitted. It is done since those people believe that punishment can reduce crime level in their community. For example, in United Arab Emirates, imposing law that appropriate with the criminal grade, like people who is discovered for thievery, their hand will be cut no matter what things that they steal. Even for people who kill other person, capital punishment will be delivered for them. So, people will fear from doing violence activity. On the other hand, others people argue investigation and deep study have to be done before determining criminals' sentence. Reasons why people do the crime have to be clear so that appropriate punishment can be received by them. Due to some of crime happen because of the criminals are in desperate situation. For instance, in involuntary homicide, the criminals who slay other person might be the victim as they have to protect their selves in that time or people that do stealing because of they need money for their family feed. Thus, the parliament has considered why the crime could happen to decide a wise judgment. All in all, truly assessment and consideration have to done before the punishment is decided. Due to not all of the violent is really responsible.

Nura, the essay suffers from uneven writing. Your weak grammar and problematic sentence development have affected the overall declarations you have made in your essay. It is difficult to understand what your point of view is. The presentation of facts does not have a clear thought process. Your line of reasoning jumps around various topics without really establishing a strong point of view. You failed to successfully both sides of the discussion and there is no reference to your point of view paragraph within the essay which further affected the presentation and meaning of the essay. I do not believe that your work would have scored higher than a 3 or 4 in this current state.

**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.** There is a controvercial issue about how to give the punishments to perpetrators. Some people think that every crime have to be punished in accordance to the regulations. In contrast, others believe that the consideration of the crime background is an important aspect when making a punishment. Personally, every crime that happened should be investigated before giving a judgement. Because every people deserve to get a justice Regarding to human rights, we have to find out the motivation of criminals when commit a crime before giving a punishment. For instance, husband killed his sister-in-law when he came to her house. Due to the accident, he must get into the prison. But, when police look out the reason why he did it, they found that he has a mental illness. Automatically, He cannot get the fixed punishment based on the type of crime that he did On the other hand, others who believe that every crime should be punished based on applicable law, did not care about themotivation of the crime. Every person who did the same crime, must be justice as a standard punishment. For instance, the penalty of the every killer who planned its murder is 20 years in prison. So, every teenagers or adults does not matter. They have to convicted in the same way All in all, i personally think that each crime should be investigated specifically and should be punished according to the appropriate judgement. We have to consider the reason why they commit crimes because it is the human rights. However, the judgement should be held righteously.

Ifra, you would not score better than a 4 with this essay. While you did attempt to discuss the prompt in the best way that you could, you just failed to keep track of the discussion so that you could present the discussion points in a clear, coherent, and acceptable manner. You have difficulty in developing proper paragraph sentences because you lose sight of the all too important topic sentences that dictate the discussion tone of the paragraph. You must also learn to spellcheck because you have a number of misspelled words in the essay that, while it doesn't affect what you are trying to say, since the reader can guess the correct word, distracts from the true meaning of what you are trying to convey to the reader. I hope that you will be able to take note of the problem areas I pointed out. I am looking forward to your next, improved essay very soon.

**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.** Both pictures illustrate the way of cement is made and how the cement is used for produce concrete in construction processes. Manufacturing of cement involves some complex procedures which use clay and limestone as the main material. Meanwhile, for making concrete only use blending method to mix cement, water, sand, and grave in favour. Look at details in the first picture, cement production is begun with crushing of limestone and clay. This process will produce powder that blending in a mixer. Through a pipe the mixture will be heated by using rotating heater which spinning all the time to make perfect blend. Then, it flows to grinder for smoother cement. The last step is packing the cement in the bags. In the second picture, it interprets the manufacturing of concrete. Material of concrete is dominated by small stones which is called gravel. This material makes up 50 percent of the ingredients. Next, it is blended in a mixer with 15 percent of cement and 25 percent of sand. Finally, it is added by 10 percent water for completing the process to make a pasta of concrete.

Nura, you show improvement in this essay. You have proven that you understand the illustration and you are capable of somewhat clearly explaining what you viewed in the diagram. Your explanations of the two processes are actually the best I have read here so far, even without the diagrams to refer to. That is where the impressiveness of your essay lies. I can clearly understand the processes involved in the creation of cement and concrete even though you forgot to upload the diagram with your essay (Note: Please remember to include the diagram next time you upload a Writing Task 1 essay). Everything about the essay works. The grammar problems and sentence structure shortcomings can be overlooked in favor of the clear enough explanation contained in the essay.

**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.** The diagrams illustrate two processes about how to produce cement and how to make concrete for building. Overall, it can be seen that simple process to produce cement by mixing limestone and clay only and produce concrete by using four goods. The components to make cement are limestone, clay, crusher, mixer, rotating heater, heat, grinder, and bags. The processes begin by crushing limestone and clay to be powder. After that, powder is entered to mixer and continues to rotating heater. It looks like look pipe with source of heat in the end. Next, powder is grinded to become cement. Finally it is ready to cover by bags. The second process need cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and gravel (25%) to produce concrete. There is a mixture that can be used to mix the entire source in one place. For the first, mix those things into concrete mixer. And then, the mixer will be rotate to mix the ingredients by clock wise rotating direction.

Mardian, it is hard to assess the information you are presenting in your essay because there is no diagram attached. We need that diagram in order to compare your information with. That is how we can correct your mistakes in terms of presenting information aside from any relevant grammar correction. Please do not forget to attach the diagram next time you place an essay for assessment. Thanks. The main problem that I came across with your essay has to do with your opening statement. It is too short as the required minimum number of sentences for each paragraph is 3 with a maximum of 5. So the lack of sentences will be sure to affect your final score. From the way I read your essay though, and without the diagram to compare it to, it would seem that the essay content is good enough for at least a passing score.

**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.** The diagrams present how cement and concrete produce with some steps and equipment needed. In general, the raw materials that are needed for making cement are limestone and clay while for concrete production it needs cement, sand, water, and gravel. Besides, the stage for cement production is more than making concrete. In cement production, the first step is limestone and clay crushed together by crusher to become powder. Then, that powder is mixed in mixer and through the rotating heater. After that, it is put into grinder becomes cement. Lastly, that cement is packaged into cement bags. For concrete production, 15% of all composition for cement is used. This process also need 25% of sand and twice proportion from that for small stones. Next, 10% water is poured to complete a hundred percent composition for making concrete. Finally, all of those ingredients are mixed together in concrete mixer to obtain concrete. *

Meireza, I do believe that this diagram description could earn a band score of 6 based due to a number of reasons. The most important reason that affected your score is that the overview lacks a sense of clarity that could fully explain the purpose of the essay and give an overview of the procedures to be presented. You failed to indicate that the procedure uses similar equipment based on the second diagram provided.So the tone of your essay became unclear. I believe that the following observation of your work will help you better develop your succeeding essays. It is all about the way you develop your sentences. Make sure that the topic sentence is always evident and clear. Specially when you develop your opening statement.

**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.** The diagrams give information about several goods and way to produce cement and how to make concrete by cement. Overall, it can be seen that to produce both of cement and concrete are needed more than one of equipment each and there are mixed by each tools with simple way. To produce cement are needed equipment, such as limestone and clay stone. The processes are, firstly, limestone and clay are crushed to become powder. Secondly, the equipment are mixed and with helped by heat, the powder are rotated by rotating heater. The result will be grinded by grinder and produce cement. The end collect of cement are put in bags. After cement is produced, it is used to produce concrete. The equipment are needed, such as cement at 15 percent, water at 10 percent, sand at 25 percent, and small stone at 50 percent. The process is all of equipment are mixed by mix tool for concrete and the tool will be rotated as clock wise direction. And the result is concrete. It used for building purpose.

Wily, a depiction of the diagram that you used to write the essay should really have been included in this essay. It would have helped us figure out how well you were able to represent the diagram in your written work. At this point, I can only assume that you were able to properly assess the diagram and develop a procedural essay from it. The only thing that puzzles me, is why your opening statement is so short. As an overview, it should have contained at least 3 sentences in order to properly summarize the essay. Right now, at two sentences, it doesn't follow the expected guidelines for essay development of this sort. Please make sure to always develop the right number of sentences for your essays. It matters in the overall scoring of your work and can affect the final score you are given.

**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.** It is generally assumed by some people that each crime should have fixed punishment, while others deem the ulterior motives should be taken into consideration when deciding on what sentence should be executed. Although each perspective can be justified; however, I would argue that the conviction for those perpetrating crime should be judged by the motivation for committing it. This is because it could be different for every person. Regarding to the first idea, I would reckon than fixed punishment should be given for those who committed serious crime, such as drug dealers, corruption, terrorism, or assassination to high-level state officials like presidents or prime minister, because such crimes have detrimental effects to the public as well as country. In addition, those crimes can be categorised into harsh crime or premeditated murder, which blatantly have vicious motive. Thus, stern action should be taken by government in order to prevent such crimes happens in the future. However, I firmly believe that in many parts of the world, the crime committed by perpetrators is notably because of economic reasons as they cannot meet their daily needs to survive so that it is triggered them for perpetrating petty crime such as theft, shoplifting, and pickpocket. As such, the circumstances of individual crime must be taken into account no matter what the situation is. For instance, there was a culprit who perpetrated theft and got arrested by police. When this case was handled in court, the culprit declared that he committed crime by perforce so as to meet his family needs. To sum up, it is clear that each perspective can be justified. It depends on what crime they commit, and what motives of individual who committed crimes. So, the reason to give punishment would be acceptable.

Mifta, the essay would have been made stronger if you had approached it from a more logical argument / standpoint. In order to better support your claims, you should have had a total of 5 paragraphs in the essay following the format below: 1. Introduction 2. Opinion you don't support 3. Opinion you support 4. Your personal opinion that aligns with the previous paragraph 5. Your conclusion The essay asked you to discuss both points of view along with your opinion. While you did present a personal point of view in the essay, you should have discussed your stand alone opinion of the issue in order to better reflect the prompt requirements. Remember that for a test essay, you should always aim for a 5 paragraph response in order to ensure a better score in the end.

Question: **Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?** ANSWER: Many people hold the opinion that it is very necessary to hold worldwide sporting events such as World Cup and many other athletic contests, though the rest bear the contrary. In my opinion, I fervently believe that special sporting occasions as aforementioned should be regularly taken place. On one hand, taking part in such events helps countries to enhance their images and show the hospitality to the world. Firstly, the victory will be marked as their competence in not only sport but also economic and culture. Otherwise, through their friendly and open-minded athletes, other contestants from different countries will have a good impression in gentle acts and kind words. This may help to defuse the hostility between opponent countries and build up an amicable relationship. Besides, worldwide sporting events have been telling many touching and inspirational stories of athletes' courage and determination. This also might help to inspire the human kind and create motivation. However, while our world is facing to many complex chronic problems, these events seem to be inappropriate. Firstly, hosting an international athletic events may do harm to vulnerable economies. Many countries has used up their national budget to prepare for the occasions which may lead them to be in debt to other financial organizations. Subsequently, public debt becomes a serious problem and then having many countries filed a bankrupt, which devastates their entire people. Otherwise, many international sporting events have been interfered by political power, therefore, it may bring inequalities to some athletes from the target country. In conclusion, worldwide sporting events should carried on as the way it has been though many downsides still remains. Because people will always struggle for peace and harmony, which such occasions represent.

Ha, I strongly believe that you would score a 6 in the actual IELTS test with this essay. You have shown that you can present a set of supporting ideas for your position in such a manner that proves an intermediate grasp of the English language. You were able to properly group your ideas and present them in a coherent manner. While there are still a number of grammatical errors, the you were able to develop a cohesive paragraph just the same. Though the grammar you used was simple, it was complex enough for your perceived English writing and comprehension skills. I believe that you are on the right path towards passing this test. Your mistakes were not enough to lower the score to failing. Since you are already passing the test, more practice will only result in higher scores for you. Good luck with your test.

**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.** Over the last few decades, many things in the world have changed which have greatly impacted our lives such that our current lifestyle differs from the lifestyle of our parents in many aspects. One of the paramount aspects is independence that many people believe that today's young people are not much dependent on their parents like the past and they make important decisions by themselves. I strongly agree with this statement due to two points which I will explain in the following essay. To begin with, in recent years, educational systems have changed a lot and try to prepare children for real life. One of the utmost important topics that children learn about in schools is independence. Children are taught how to make decisions while they consider positive and negative aspects of their decisions. The result of such training is evident in increasing the number of youngsters that choose to live alone or even immigrate to a foreign country. Certainly, parents of many of them have disagreed with their decisions due to various reasons, however, since youngsters are now more independent, they have followed their own decisions to make their dreams true. Additionally, self-confidence is another prominent factor which makes people feel positive about themselves and take risks on their lives by making their own decisions. I am of the opinion that today's young people are more self-confident than previous due to two reasons. First, current parents have let young people make their own decisions when they were kids. For instance, all of the current young people have chosen the color of their clothes since they were teenagers or even smaller. Second, by the development of technologies, there are many resources available which help people to be aware of their surroundings. Having much information helps persons to be more self-confident and consequently be more independent. As an example, when I was about to choose my major in university I searched about different majors and listed all advantages and disadvantages of various majors, afterward, I declared my decision to my parents. Although my parents liked to see me educating in another major, they supported me and agreed with my decision. To sum up, in my point of view, today's youngsters are more independent that youngsters were in the past which is the result of the quality of education they received as well as their high self-confidence.

Samira, you have presented some very solid arguments in your essay that show a clear understanding of the prompt and an analysis of the possible answers in support of your position. The essay is good in the sense that you have a clear flow of thought and your discussion is based on common sense and logical reasons. There is a clear command of English even though some of your sentence structure is not as solid as it can be. The grammar mistakes are not so severe that it affects your declarations. Everything about your essay shows that you are capable of passing the TOEFL exam once you take it. However, you need to further improve your skill in writing your conclusions. It is supposed to be at least 3 sentences long at all times. You only presented one very long sentence that could have been very easily split into 3 parts. Learn how to modify your sentences or thought process in order to meet the sentence requirements.

I woke up at 4 in the morning to my mom hysterical crying and me not being able to do anything about it. Not being able to get up out of my bed just watching my mom cry was a feeling I will never forget. When I was four years old I got diagnosed with Guillain Barre which is a sickness that 1 in 100,000 people get. When I first went to the hospital, the doctors did not know what was wrong with me since it was such a rare sickness. Guillain Barre is something that progress over time, so when my mom first took me to the hospital for being weak, they sent me home saying I have the flu. It took a few days and many different tests to confirm I had Guillain Barre. After it was confirmed, it changed my whole life, I had to receive blood transfusions to try to help me gain control again. It was a scary moment how I went from being able to do something as simple as getting out of bed to needing assistance for everything I did. I could not even use the bathroom by myself or brush my teeth or my hair, I could not do things a four-year-old was supposed to be able to do. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 months and 3 different hospitals. Since I was paralyzed I needed to learn how to walk, talk, and do everything all over again. Waking up one morning being able to control your body then waking up another day not being able to control anything in my body was a scary feeling. Going through this obstacle helped me realize what really matters in life. Health, family, my independence and living each day as if tomorrow doesn't exist. While staying in the hospital, I was around people that were in worse conditions then me. For example, there was a girl named Pricilla who was diagnosed with Cerebral palsy, she is confined to a wheelchair her whole life. I'm thankful for the opportunity to gain my independence again and gain control of my body again. Family is important to me because, through everything I have been through they have always been here for me. They spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years in the hospital with me. For Thanksgiving, my father bought a whole turkey to the hospital. For Christmas, my family brought all the gifts to the hospital and we all opened our presents in the hospital. There were certain days that I wasn't able to eat and if I didn't eat, they would not eat with me. No one knows what tomorrow holds, so you have to live your life as if tomorrow does not exist. This experience has made me humble and appreciate the value of life. I went from brushing my teeth myself, taking a bath myself, talking, walking to needing assistance for everything. It made me feel weak and helpless at the time. My independence has become such a relevant factor in my life since there was a time I was not able to have it. Some days it is taken for granted because it is so natural to some of us. This experience has motivated me to pursue a career in the medical field. There is one quote in which I live off of and that is "Live, Laugh, Laugh".

HI Lydia, I do suggest removing that line because it doesn't really offer much of a relation to the next sentence or in the overall context of that paragraph. You don't really have to replace it with anything because your essay is pretty much straightforward from that point. Which is something that the reviewer will appreciate. A hook only works well if it helps inform the reader about the succeeding parts of your essay. When a hook stands alone like the one you have now, it doesn't really help the essay move forward. So it becomes a useless part of the overall essay. If you want to replace it, you will need to come up with an event that is attention grabbing. For example, relate the first instance when you realized you couldn't move without the help of others, you did not understand why, and you panicked. Bring the reviewer into your world and make it as vivid as you can. That is a hook that just might help your essay along.

I wrote an essay for our practice exams on Miss Brill written by Katherine Mansfield. The question I wrote my essay on was **"Describe at least ONE method the writer used to help reveal human nature in the written text(s). Explain how this method helped you understand human nature".** \*Note: Methods could include characters,events,relationships,narrative point-of-view, language techniques,style.conflicts or structure\*

Hi Faith. by coming to use for help, you are showing a desire to develop the best essay that you can submit to your teacher. So, you were provided with the prompt and you have already written your response to it. Why didn't you post the essay here along with your plea for help? We can help you better once you have uploaded your essay to this thread. Don't start a new one, just upload the essay after my response to you. After you do that, we can analyze it for content and use the prompt as a guide in studying you work. It is only then that we can offer solid advice as to how to further improve the content of your response. We will be waiting for the essay because we are eager to help you out.

Topic : **in many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what your extent do you agree?** Have you ever heard about this sentence " Marriage is the grave of love"? There are many real stories about this. Nowadays, in many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. For me, I am a woman, I agree with this matter. In the past, when economy depended on agriculture, many families depended on the strength of men, husbands. Women rarely went to school or went outside to work, they usually stayed home, and did households. Their missions were to take care of children and to have more babies. Their lives depended hugely on their husbands, their sons. However, nowadays, when inventions about modern machines are applied to production that changes greatly in all of the aspects of lives. Conceptions also are renewed to fit better in life. Women have more opportunities, they can go to school, go to work, communicate with more people in society. Therefore, they improve themselves, they are not inferior to men, they can earn their own money for their needs and do not depend on men. The marriage is no longer a critical issue for them anymore. In the modern life, a conception is "to live what a true you are " or " be yourself" is popular, so the marriage is a string to make people feel no freedom. For some women, if they are lucky to have good husbands with nice kids, it is a perfect family that every woman wants to keep it forever. However, for some women, if they have bad husbands who usually leave houses, do not care for children or do not have to any job. This marriage is the hardest punishment to live with, so modern women do not want to live a life like this, they change themselves, maybe they just want to have babies but they do not want to get married. On the whole, women nowadays show more how good they are, how independent they are, they can do all things that men can do, they do not need the benefits could be brought from the marriage.

Sydney, then by all means, reflect that personal opinion in your essay. Discussing it by referencing personal experience can only make the essay better. That will show that you have a deep understanding and relationship to the prompt. By expressing your personal opinion, you will find it is much easier to defend your stand within the overall context of the essay. For example, you can present the same discussion that you presented above to me. Reformatted, that sentiment can become your opening statement. It already includes the reasons you agree with the statement. So your succeeding paragraphs will just need to concentrate on discussing each reason you gave on an individual paragraph basis. At that rate, I am sure you will also be able to come up with an impressive concluding statement.

Oxehealth, accompany spun out from the University of Oxford, created a medical device software that can measure heart rate, respiration and blood oxygenation from a distance using camera data. This software has been installed and is being tested at Oxford's main teaching hospital, the John Radcliffe. They asked patients who need an intensive care after surgery to participate in the trial where oxehealth's cameras will monitor their vital signs in parallel with sensors. This software has also been running at London's Metropolitan Police Service and Broadmoor high-security psychiatric hospital in order to make sur someone is safe when they are in a secure room. This software watches the small changes in video frames as patient breath, for instance. It also tracks subtle changes the colour of patient skin using that to infer patient's pulse. The advantage of The Oxehealth software may come after patients are discharge because both doctors and patients their selves can monitor the illness from home.

Hi Nurul, I hope you can pick up some improvement pointers from the improved version of your essay that I am posting below: *University of Oxford based company Oxehealth has created a software based vital signs monitoring device. The device can keep track of a patient's heart rate, breathing, and blood oxygen levels through the use of camera data. Installed the John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford's main teaching hospital, the device is used by intensive care surgery patients. The trial patient's recovery is monitored by cameras that use parallel sensors. The London Police Service and Broadmoor High Security Psychiatric Hospital is also testing the software for use within their secure rooms. The camera uses the software to track small changes in the video related to the patient's vital signs. It also monitors the patients for changes in skin appearance to help in tracking the patient's pulse. This software is advantageous because it also has a GPS connection that allows the patient's care taker at home, and the doctors, to remotely monitor the patient's progress at home.*

When I got ready to move to the US, I've though I got everything as clothing, the new culture, new school, especially the vehicle. I searched online how to drive a car, what kind of car, and how to control the wheel. I also asked my cousin in the US about it, he just answered: "the best ways were you don't need to know about it, you would know it when you drive it". I didn't believe it. I was searching until I came to the US. At that time, there were four people in my family came to the US. "Everybody has to learn how to drive car," My cousin said. And he also said: "I counted on your ability, An". Step by step, we had to learn about the rule before we drove a car. The rule is different with everything that I searched. When we took the writing test, I failed - only me failed. I started disappointing about myself. After the test, other people were taught how to drive a car by the cousin. My mother gave me some idea to remember the rule and one sentence: "Don't give up, failure is mother of success". It was propelling me, and after one week, I decided to take the test again. I've passed since then. I couldn't learn to drive because it's not my turn. I had to wait for other people passing the road test. I always went together when they practiced driving. I always listened to my cousin's lesson. Everybody gradually passed the Driver license test. And then my turn is coming, at the first time, I had to sit on driver seat, I was really confusing, forgot every what I searched and heard before. I drove his car bump into the curb what in front of us. He-my cousin has lost his trust for me since then. He's always worried when I drove." You had to go ahead or back up so slowly" he yelled me. I drove the car slowly go ahead, the first intersection I met, I was really nervous, I didn't know how to control the front-wheel. Luckily, the light was in red. He continued yelled: "Braking the car, braking the car". His face looked like a monkey, he's scare, along with the wrath. Even though I did it as safely as I could. Since then, I gradually have driven the car better than before. Last recommend from him:" when you drive in the driver test, you'll be careful not to do any wrong things what it was made you fail". Finally, I have passed the test. I also realized that I had to learn more through the actual experience, it doesn't simply as knowledge.

An, your essay is very difficult to read because the grammar is not good at all. It makes the reader anxious while reading it because your expression is not being expressed in an understandable manner. This essay really needs a lot of work so let me help you by rewriting this essay for you. After I rewrite it, do not change anything. Just use the version I will be giving you. That is the best way to clean up your work at this point. *When I first arrived in the United States, I knew that I would have to drive a car in order to get around my community. However, I did not realize that there weere such strict rules in driving in the U.S.. So, what I thought would be a simple process of just getting behind the wheel and stepping on the gas then off I would be to my destinantion was incorrect. Turns out, I needed more preparation than just a willingness to drive before I could really get behind the wheel. My cousin, who had much faith in my potential to become a good driver, tried to help me learn the rules of the road before I took the written test for a student permit. While my other family members passed the test, I failed. My mother, trying to help me feel better after my failure told me that I mustn't give up because I would eventually succeed. She was right After a week, I retook and passed the test. Admittedly, my cousin lost his faith in me because I failed to pass the test my first time out. So he was very anxious when we started my driving lesson. He kept on yelling at me instead of instructing me. He scared me during our lessons so I did not do a good job the first few times. As soon as I got comfortable behind the wheel though, driving came almost naturally to me. My cousin was convinced I was going to fail the practical test because of his little faith in me, even when I showed him improvement. So, when I took the practical driving test and I passed on my first try, he was surprised. Yet, it somehow restored his faith in me. So, what was the lesson that I learned from my travails as a new driver? Don't let the lessons stress you out. If you want to succeed at something, you have to do it at your own pace. More importantly, it is important for me to keep believing and having faith in myself when everyone else around me has lost confidence in me. I will succeed as long as I believe in my abilities. The opinion of others, specially when it is negative, shouldn't matter to me.*

Building a military has been conceived as one of the most essential parts of countries because cities can be prevented from enemies attacking innocent civilians. Some people also believe building a military can reinforce security of their countries. People are always exposed to a variety of threats in different forms such as a murder case, activities of terrorism, and violent protests which can bring considerable chaos to their cities. In my perspective, if a military is to be built near my community, I will support their actions. A military can strengthen people's security. It will also transform one's country to be stronger. First of all, securing one's safety is considered undeniably important among lots of people especially in large cities. Some of them may believe the police are not enough to accomplish the task. For example, if a violent protest is held in the middle of a city, lots of people can physically hurt others due to some political reasons. I'm fully aware that the police are mostly entrusted with the job to deal with all the aggressive protesters. In the worst-case scenario, however, we may expect the protesters to take control over a government by resorting to extreme violence; therefore, lots of people can be harmed or even decimated during the protest. Thus, I believe a military will be a perfect solution for such problems. Secondly, a strong military is the most integral part of the strongest countries in the world. Powerful armies indirectly decide who takes more advantages than others do when it comes to negotiations between countries. Without strength, freedom would have never been achieved. The United States of America would not have been regarded as the most powerful country without its unrivaled military. Switzerland would not be able to remain neutral without its military as well. In conclusion, more people have to support building a stronger military in order to secure their safety and protect innocent people from being attacked or terrorized. Armies might be seemingly good to many people but they need to be conscious of their possible threats. Overly powered armies can cause one's country to experience a coup someday. So there is nothing that is good or perfect for eternity. If something is used in the right way, no harms will be made.

The grammatical errors lie mostly in sentence structure and development. The way development of the sentence is not as solid as it can be because of the confusion in tense usage and similar issues. It will be difficult for me to actually present the errors in the essay because of the numerous errors within. However a can show you an example of an improved paragraph that you can use to assess the other paragraphs that need improvement. This is a revision of paragraph 2: *Securing a country requires the building of a powerful military force. While the police force is expected to defend the large cities within the country, the department is not fully equipped to deal with defending the country when an invasion occurs. While the police can handle a protest within city limits, they will not be capable of defending the city is say, ISIS decides to invade their country from all sides of their borders. Such extreme violence requires more highly trained and skilled defenders who use specialized defense equipment to keep invaders at bay. In such instances, only the military force of any given country would have the ability to defend their country and its borders effectively.*

**Psychologist have known for many years that color can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to color schemes when decorating place such as office and hospitals. How true is this statement? How far does color influence people's health and capacity for work?** A large number of experts claim that a color gives a certain impact in the people's mood. In fact, it is suggested that we should pay high regard for color schemes with the intention of decorating office's and hospital's interior. I personally argue that it is true that particular color affects people's feel such purple color promote people's mood such peaceful, high spirituality, wise and high intimacy. Due to the fact that, the certain color like red color which reflects powerful energy and high spirit. Those are very convenient for office room interior to encourage workers energy and spirit in workplace while sky blue color ponders to decelerate the rate of pulse and enhance high concentration. It is generally believe that the color influence people's mood such purple which reflects high spirituality, wise and intimacy. Since, the purple color presents psychological messages such a non-verbal communication for people who look it. The psychologists from Colorado University conducted research in 2009, carried out that there is a high correlation between purple color and emotional symptoms. The people who wear clothes purple color influence their spirituality while the indigo children which always relate to purple have an emotional trend in wise, peaceful and high intimacy in their relationship. Consequently, most experts hold a meticulous consideration when they try to decorate particular rooms such as workplaces and hospitals. Most psychologists suggest that red color is convenient for office room while sky blue for hospital. Which is because red color presents special mood like powerful energy and high spirit and sky blue affects to decelerate of pulse, high concentration, peacefulness. Giving special decoration for office and hospital will influence the workers to enhance their performance in the workplace and the symptoms patient's deceases can be reduced. In 2010, Anna Waitford from Curtin University pointed out that there is a high correlation between the colors room's decoration and people behavior when they keep in touch in the areas such red color can increase employer's performance in the workplace. Having said that, another improves patient's health and reduces the level of deceases. "I have proofed that many hospitals and offices color schemes correlate to specific behavior like as I mention before" Said Anna. Clearly, I would argue that there is a correlation between particular colors and people's feel. As a result in the certain area such office room and hospital need to be consider in their color's decoration. Which is because reflects people's emotions and behaviors.

Fadhil, you got your introduction and your conclusion mixed up. Your closing statement works best as part of the introduction. That is because the introduction requires you to present your opinion. The opinion you state should not include factual or observed evidence yet. The job of the introduction is only to present the prompt and an overview of your opinion. The actual discussion should be reserved for the body paragraphs that come after the introduction. What makes this essay good is that you were conscious enough to remember that presenting actual facts, such as the opinion of Anna Waitford, can increase your chances of a higher score. The mere fact that you presented this as part of your supporting explanation shows that you not only understand the prompt, but that you actually have a familiarity with the prompt provided. This increases the importance of your personal opinion and overall skill in writing the essay.

Topic : **some people believe that playing games can teach us some lessons. What are lessons? What are your opinions?** Some people say that playing games can teach us lessons. I think it is true. From the past until now, the human has not stopped playing games because many lessons and benefits that it brings to us are very valuable and useful. There two lessons are to learn about patience and to learn about how to deal with problems. Firstly, playing games teaches people how to set a goal, how to complete it and how to learn a lesson about patience. For example, when one boy who plays video games, he has to finish the games, he cannot stop in the middle of the game if he wants to know the ending. A gamer competitor has to learn how to be patient when his character died and he has to start it again. Moreover, a competition is also developed by competitors. This makes advancements that lead to an achievement. Secondly, through of playing games, people also can learn experiences and skills to solve many problems. Playing sports such as baseball, tennis, ping-pong... helps people to train their strong minds and to have quick reflexions to deal with matters or bad situations when they happen. Therefore, people can apply them to a real life and deal with problems easier and quicker. There is a story about one man avoided an accident thank to his reflexion, he jumped quickly on another street when a car crashed into him. He said that he was so lucky because he used to be an athlete and it saved him from death. In conclusion, playing games can teach us many experiences and lessons that make our lives enjoyable. Everyone should play one sport and make it become a good and necessary habit to increase the quality of life.

Hi Sydney, this is a pretty good presentation for an opinion essay. the message is clear and your opinion is thoroughly discussed. There are problems with word usage though. For example, the correct term is reflexes, not reflextions. At the end of the paragraph, you can better close the paragraph if you reflect an additional lesson learned such as "patience and perseverance has its rewards at the end" or "Analytical skills are further improved because of the competition". Anything along those lines will suffice. In the second paragraph, you need to provide a transition sentence before presenting the story of the man in the same paragraph. You can simply say "I remember a story that makes my opinion more valid. There was this man..." It creates a better transition instead of just suddenly presenting that story without preparing the reader for it. In the concluding paragraph, you should remember to restate your opinion in the last sentence. That will allow the essay to better wrap up the discussion.

A running guru by the name of William James once stated that "Beyond the very extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreams ourselves to own; sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction." It's amazing how much can change in a year: a chick can grow into an egg-laying hen, Donald Trump can go from reality television star to a presidential nominee, and one person can go from rock bottom to rediscovering their passion for education, excellence, and running; on the road to becoming who they were meant to be. Running has always played a huge role in my life. I thought all families woke up for 5Ks on Saturdays and that all moms had run at least one marathon. Growing in that race environment invigorated me and helped me imagine what my future could look like as a runner. Little did I know that it wasn't the running that inspired me, it was the power that these athletes had discovered within themselves after years of "pushing through the obstruction" and reaching their goals. As I began to grow as an athlete, I started to learn firsthand about the importance of dedication, perseverance and endurance both mentally and physically. I found myself applying these skills towards all things in my life, including school and work, and I realized that I had tapped into something bigger than myself. When I began my studies at [omitted], I realized that I was surrounded by people who were also in this mindset and while it excited me, it intimidated me at the same time. I began to doubt my abilities and even though I still held onto these fundamental lessons, I allowed myself to get lost in the crowd. I succumbed to the doubts, and finding a reason to maintain a healthy balance in my life became a struggle. I encountered many more obstacles than I expected, both financially and academically, and eventually, I lost focus of the goal. Yet throughout these trying times, I still had running to keep me grounded. And it finally clicked. If I could power through this 10 mile run, why was I struggling so much in everything else? What happened to my motivation? This brief moment of mental clarity helped me see things through the eyes of a runner, and more importantly, through the eyes of my mother. It propelled me forward and I finally had the confidence to strive for more. Within the year that I was away from [omitted], I ran my first half marathon and received a promotion where I was working. I realized that this was in fact a new beginning and a turning point where I could redefine myself. This was a time when my family was not necessarily thriving financially and I saw my chance to help out. I went through the process of becoming a certified pharmacy technician, which had been a goal of mine for quite some time now, and I knew I could accomplish so much more. I realized that this time away from school was much more than a redefining moment. It was my chance to rediscover what moved me and why I wanted a college degree in the first place. So here I am. Yes, this journey has been physically, mentally and emotionally tough, but I feel like that's the point of college. Why would any company want to hire a mediocre employee who feels entitled and hasn't overcome any real challenges. My journey has only just begun but to say that it started at [omitted] as a [major omitted] student is already saying a lot. The opportunity to finish my degree plan here is something I would cherish for years to come and something I will surely not take for granted the second time around.

Agatha, please consider posting the guidelines for the readmission essay. I am wondering what the prompt's full requirement was and if you are really responding to it in the proper manner. This essay seems to be overly long and doesn't get direct to the point when it is really necessary that you do so. Try to post the full prompt here when you have the time. In my opinion, you have a better chance of controlling the interest of the reviewer if you would start with the current second paragraph. The first paragraph just sounds like you wrote it for the sake of filling in a word count. That should not be the case. In order to ensure that your essay will be read to the end by the reviewer, you need to make sure that you point out the reasons you were removed from your previous school and then do a counterbalance or explanation regarding the events surrounding that in the same paragraph. When you try to get readmission, you should always concentrate on presenting the facts as to why you were removed and how your personal circumstances have changed for the better since then.

Hello everyone im applying chevening scholarship and i would like to get some advice and feed back about my essay about leaderahip and influence. Thank you for all your time to help me and correct my essay. **Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers ...** Leadership is one of my favorite subject study and my passion to influence people, challenge me to apply the chevening scholarship. My vision in life to be a great leader in future is a reason to fight in a competition. Some people think that leadership is a power or ability to lead other people, Koontz and O'Donnell have defined leadership as influencing people to follow the achievement of a common goal. It is the ability to exert interpersonal influence by means of communication towards the achievement of a goal. In my personal statement, leader is an individual to effect the thought, works, and behavior to other people and a decisions maker. Leadership is influencing and motivating other people or group to achieve the goals. There can be no leadership without influence, because influencing is how leaders lead. My working experience as digital banking manager in bank excercise me to be comunicate to customers also to influence and motivate team for achieve some goals. In advancement of digital technology and banking competition demand banks to always be the best to serve customer and get business profit properly. Sharing ideas from me and from team is very important to perfect the strategies, divide the jobs and maintain the work produces the best result. In challenges of working for together achievement is not always suitable as we planned, sometimes problems come to push and force us to quit. My role to always be stable in every condition, motivate other and influencing by thoughts and by works. In my opinion a leaders should be a role model to influence other people. Despite my work in banking industry, never change my passion about public affairs and society. Instead, my work in team excercise me to lead and be influence, From my work i explore my knowledge about banking, economic, services and technology. Moreover my relationship with customers every day, broaden my knowledge not only about people's character but also knowledge in bussines, lifestyles, society and education I have passion for further study and visions to back in my country or my province to influence people by my knowledge, my work and my ability.

Fatria, the first thing you have to do with this essay is delete the first paragraph. Why are you defining leadership and influence as if you were writing a research paper? referring to the academic definition of leadership and the concept of influence, complete with references doesn't move your essay forward, it only takes away the attention of the reviewer from the important information in your essay. In these types of written work, it is always best to just start with the topic of the prompt in the first paragraph. A flowery introduction is not necessary. This is not a high school paper. This is an academic paper for a masters degree course. Therefore, the reviewer is expecting a higher standard of essay writing from you. You are blessed to be working in a position of such high responsibility in a bank. That is definitely a position that will easily allow you to portray a conflict on the job that required you to lead and inspire the people under your direct supervision. The fact that you are responsible for a whole department in the bank further strengthens this concept. All you have to do to make the point, is relay information about a memorable problem at the office that you had to resolve by successfully leading and inspiring your team. You already gave an overview of something like that in the essay. What you need to do, is be more specific in your discussion. Present the problem, what your role as the leader was, how you hoped to resolve the issue, why and how you inspired your team members, and finally, what the end result of your leadership and influencing intervention was. This current essay has a generic, uncertain feel to it. You need to portray your confidence both in person and on paper. Most specially on paper because this is a formal interview for your scholarship. So make sure you do your best to make your talents, assets, and traits as leader stand out on paper. Do this within the first paragraph of the essay if you can so that you can maintain the interest of the reviewer throughout the paper.

**In some countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?** In several countries, the government bans smokers to smoke in public places. This essay would completely agree with such an idea because this policy would prevent people from suffering serious diseases and create a clean environment. Prevention to develop severe diseases is by stop smoking as soon as possible. The reason is nicotine of cigar that is known to be main chemical inducer of the progression of acute diseases towards severe condition. Most researchers have conducted evidence based studies that cover the topic of effect of stop the smoking in improving respiratory diseases. The result show that almost 95% of people who suffered acute respiratory diseases improved their health since they stop smoking and 75% of them are rarely had tendency to progress the cancerous development. Another consideration of why prohibition of smoking in public areas should be supported as providing some healthy surroundings is vital to everyone. This is because by cutting down on smoking habits, the urban environment would be as healthy as mountainous sceneries so that people tend to relax while they stay anywhere around the city. For example, the survey conducted by colleagues to seek the satisfaction of people who wait for public transport found out that almost 70% reasons to hurry up entering the public transport is caused by smoker who burn up its cigarettes at the middle of crowd. In general, restriction of smoking in public places should be done as the harmful chemicals inside them can be prevented entering to body, while the harmonization of enjoying public areas can be felt by people when those places are smoke-free one. Nevertheless, it is predicted that not only clean environment can be created, but also the prevention of global warming would be reduced as carbon contain substances also decrease.

Fadhil, in the opening statement, you have to own the essay. Let the reader know that the statement of opinion belongs to you. Say "I agree with the statement because..." and not "This essay will..." Your opinion is clearly being required by the essay prompt so you have to make it clear from the very start that this essay will reflect your opinion and no one elses opinion. The fact that you were able to use current data in defense of your position indicates a high level of interest in the topic on your part. That was a very good touch that will help you score better in an actual test. Remember, your knowledge of pop culture and common knowledge indicates a clear understanding of the prompt requirement. So your essay doesn't have any problem in proving that you can discuss the topic provided with a little difficulty. Your sentence structures need work as there are still instances of difficult to understand passages. However, the overall paragraph delivers on the need for an opinion because of your clear understanding of the topic. If there is one major flaw of your essay, it is in the conclusion. Try to just wrap up the discussion in this part of the essay. The rules dictate that the last paragraph is saved for the conclusion of the essay. Now, keep in mind that you cannot conclude something if you are presenting new information about the discussion. So in any case, the conclusion should just sum up the discussion facts and nothing more.

**Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language. Do you agree with this opinion?** Since human was created by God, language is a tool to communicate and understand a culture where the human can do contact to other people and learn with regard to custom. Some people view that someone should accept the cultural disparity while others believe that it is so notable to know the language of the tradition to catch on the message. In my point of view, it is true that language has significance place to play role in understanding a tradition, but it is not one and only factor. There are merits for the people who are able to grasp a language of the civilization. They can easy to interact in one of the native people and build the solidarity among each other. This is due to the fact that linguistic understanding of an individual is more acceptable for certain inhabitant when the person wants to build the solidarity. However, there is another factor that an individual is able to understand the culture. One of them is to learn in the neighborhood of cultural norm or traditions. For instance, we are able to how the native people respects the foreigner, how they greet the other people and so on. As a result, we can know how we interact with them even though we get the lack of language. To conclude, there is no doubt that language has an important role to catch on the culture, but any another point which help us to study the culture. However, it is better if we own both of factors to understand the culture deeply.

Nousha, I hope that this is the first practice test that you have written that is because, if you are a first timer, the score of 4, which this essay would get in an actual test, is an acceptable score. However, if this is not your first essay, then there is a clear set of problems that you have to address. This essay needs a lot of work at this point. You display a very weak capability to construct even the simplest English sentence. The lack of clarity in the thought process and wring word usage causes the reader to have extreme difficulty in recognizing what it is that you wish to say. I believe that this is caused by your limited English vocabulary. You should look into improving your use of word connectors, and the use of subordinate clauses when necessary. Make sure that you do everything that you can to further improve your knowledge and use of English words. That is something that can only get better with practice and dedication to learning the language. I hope to see signs of improvement in your next essay.

**Some people think that being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers and enabling people, who would normally never have the chance to meet, to communicate. What are the advantages of International communication online? Are there any disadvantages to this?** In this modern era, the advancement of technology was more widespread and people now able to keep in contact with other people by using their gadget. In my opinion, the benefits from this simplicity are greater than the drawbacks we receive. There are several reasons why communication online very widely used for some people in this era. Firstly, this facility can be used for people to stay in touch with others, eventhough they are in different countries. For example, students who study abroad and far away from their hometown can use this facility to keep contact with their family and friends. Secondly, it is very helpful for busy people who can't have more time to meet other people in person. There is no doubt that by using modern technology we can stay to make a contact with other people who live far away from us. On the other hand, communication online also have a bad impact for human social relations. They may think that meet other people in a person is not important and they will ignore their social life. To illustriate, some people think that it is not necessary to hangout or having quality time with their family or friends. They prefer to sit at home and waste their time to make a conversation with people they will never see and ignore on establishing relationships in real life. In conclusion, therefore, I believe that the benefits of communication online outweigh the drawbacks because international communications online made people closer and easy to interact. However, this facility completely drawning human into the virtual world and makes them forget to build a good socialization with others.

Hi Goldvina, this essay would probably merit a 5 if you have it graded by your instructor. While the common grammatical errors are evident in your work, these errors do not interfere with the development of your idea presentation. While you need to further develop your presentation skills and improve the grammar for a smoother presentation, you were able to prove a number of things to the examiner. The first is that you understood the prompt clearly. Therefore, you have acceptable comprehension skills. You also have enough knowledge of basic English grammar skills that can assist you in developing simple, though flawed discussion sentences. So the paragraphs come across as understandable. These positive marks are what moved your essay towards a passing score. Problems in your essay lie in the way that you were not really able to present a strong enough introduction and conclusion. Keep in mind that the introduction must properly summarize the prompt and offer your opinion on the matter. You must also present an overview of your pro and con discussion. The introduction failed to do this. As for your conclusion, refrain from starting a new discussion in a conclusion. As the term suggests, a conclusion is meant to close the essay. Therefore, there is no need to present new information in this section. You just need to close the discussion by restating the important elements of the essay.

**Some people decide do start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?** Nowadays, many factories are developing in every country especially in the industrial cities, but people are more interest to become an entrepreneur. Although, there are some dangers and drawbacks to start-up own business. I believe that have own business is more benefit than the disadvantages. There are two dangers and drawbacks to build own business. The one that, it has higher risk than people work as work-force. Becoming an entrepreneur, people must have complex planning with high capital. This means, we must have well-prepared before having start-up in the business because many people have the same occasion. So, we must ready competing with other and ready to get loss financial. On the other hand, people as work-force just do what a duty is offered by boss and finish in the exact time. A further disadvantages is that we must have sustainable invention to improve our business. It means that for the next period we must ready for new innovation and make our business more developed than before. On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur has several points and it is favor. The main one is convenience. People who have own job can relax in their business because of less pressure. Also, job time is flexible. If we compare with employee, they must come to office in the morning and come back in the afternoon. And then, people who become an entrepreneur can finish their job every time whenever they want to finish. The other advantage is they have higher income and can open job opportunity to other people. All in all, I think that becoming an entrepreneur is better choice than the one who work as employee. However, someone that afraid to get high risk can work in company or organisation. And I would not recommend to have own business.

Hi Wily. I am really sad to say this but due to the numerous errors in formatting, content and discussion, this essay would not score higher than a 4 in an actual test. The reasons behind the score are far ranging. Please allow me to explain why this is the highest score you can garner for this work. First of all, while you did understand the prompt, you were unable to clearly discuss the topic in a comprehensive manner. Your thoughts were splashed all over a single paragraph, lacking in proper presentation and wanting in logic and reasoning. So this makes the essay highly difficult to understand. You have to practice grouping your thoughts into related, successive paragraphs. You cannot discuss numerous, contradicting reasons in the same paragraph. This causes a confusion for the reader as there is no clear line of discussion being presented. Basically, you have to decide, the minute you are asked for an opinion in the prompt, if you will be writing the essay in a compare and contrast manner, which will allow you to discuss pro and con reasons in alternating paragraphs, or if you will write an opinion paper, which means the reasons need to be grouped in related paragraphs then discussed accordingly.

**Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?** Several start-up companies have existed in this era. It is happen because there are many opportunities to be an entrepreneur. Although, some people think that work as a employee is the best choice in life. I believe that people who have their own company giving more positive effects than drawbacks. Firstly, people who become entrepreneur have flexible time to manage their own business. They can choose what time do the company open and decide when it will be closed. Also, if people have a lot of orders from customer, they can open the company longer than usual. A further benefit is that people can open job opportunity. It is very helpful due to they can decrease the amount of unemployment in their neighbourhood. After that, the government is helped by reducing the rate of poverty level in a country. And of course, the owner of company feels satisfying because they can help other people. On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur has drawbacks effect. First of all is high-risk. It happens because if there is something bad happening, the company easily get bankrupt. Skills are needed to manage the company. Another disadvantage is that there are many competitors that compete to get many profits. The worse think that will occur is criminality. The competitor can do anything to be leader market. All in all, I think to be an entrepreneur is more benefits than working in office as an employee. However, someone who wants to start business should think twice about the risk of tax and they must have big capital to make big company and to anticipate if there is a problem in financial sector.

HI Mardian, it looks to me like this essay would score a decent 5 in an actual test. You actually have the ability to convey your thought process in an understandable manner. Your sentences do not stress the reader because the grammar situation is not as bad as it could have been. There is a clear understanding of the prompt, but there are areas that need improvement. Some areas of improvement include learning to create topic paragraphs. You have a tendency to discuss all of your reasons in one paragraph instead of spacing them out. By spacing out your topics, you will be able to present better evidence in support of each evidence presented. This will in turn, show that you have the ability to think coherently and present your ideas in a logical manner. In the end, learning this process will allow you to present the reader with an easy to understand essay.

**Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?** Some people have a tendency to work at same company everyday only to earn money. This essay would deny with such an idea as except money, the working experience as well as the personal satisfaction are the reasons why they keep working all day in the same workplace. It is generally believed that earning wages is not as satisfied as having experiences in different situations during office hours. The reason for this is that workers spend all-day in same workplaces to analyze any tasks, decide their solution and execute through actions based on their decision, which indirectly have exposed them to different challenges. For instance, there are almost 50% of workers out of 1000 workers who feel happy while working in the same office as they get numerous variations of experience even though they already have potential in solving some of them according to survey in well-known company. It is true that experience in unfamiliar workplace is as important as money needed to keep their lifestyle. Aside from what is explained above, personal joyfulness is more likely to be the reason why people do their job sincerely. This is because doing job over and over again seems bored to most officers who already have enough income and experiences. Therefore, they tend to enjoy either what they have chosen to work or unexpected occupation they had. In 2009, national survey that analyze the aim of people working showed most of old people aged 40 and above were working for emotionally fulfillment rather than having luxurious accommodation. It is undeniable for people working in the same place for personal satisfaction reason. To conclude, not only money-oriented officers who are generally occupying the total workers in the office, but also there are several people who like to achieve excellence in facing work tasks as well as feel enjoyment in their occupation. This is because learning the ways how to handle their jobs require effort even if they already understand them, while bored feelings towards work may change in a way how they should feel happy about it. In addition, it is predicted that other reasons, such as, insurances and pension are aimed by workers to do their job in similar company.

Fadhil, your conclusion is not properly developed. I do not know if you were taught this in class but, you are not allowed to present additional supporting or contradicting information in the conclusion. You are only supposed to provide a conclusion to the discussion presented. That said, You should go back and review your essay. Make sure that the facts you are presenting in the conclusion at the moment is given its own paragraph so that you can write a new and proper conclusion instead. I would score this a 4 on the IELTS band for a number of reasons. Your logical development is faulty and sometimes, does not have complete thoughts. Your grammar is sometimes not understandable so the reader cannot really identify what it is you are trying to say. Finally, you did not format the essay properly as I explained above.

hey guys, I need to write an essay about food waste in the past, present and future. This is my introduction I have so far. I have no idea if this is an correct introduction. Correct me in every possible way :) **INTRODUCTION** Almost everyone who ate something, wasted some food every now and then. But the food waste problem is worse than ever before. Back in the days people just could not afford to waste food. And even though it happened, they managed to solve it. The waste managing now is different from the past. And how will the food waste problem decrease in the future and what kind of solutions will we use in the future?

Hi Kylian. I think I can help you create a stronger introduction. Here is what I am thinking: Food has become synonymous with waste over the decades. The uncontrollable gluttony of man has created a food wastage epidemic that has run unchecked for many decades now. With the lack of food supply plaguing other nations, it seems illogical for any country to be experiencing a problem with food wastage management. Historically, man has always been able to properly address possible and effective solutions to this problem. Now, as we move forward in the 21st century, the time has come to update the food wastage management programs and offer new solutions to the problem for future generations to implement. This essay shall take a historical look into the foundation and future of food waste management. What was its past? How is it dealt with at present? Does it look like we are nearing a sustainable solution in the future?

**Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.** Tourism is one of the power that make a huge profit for many countries all around the world. So constructing impressive buildings to attract a lot of tourists in a country is very important. But governments should care about education and health's their citizens. Although schools and hospitals are less noticeable, this does not mean they are less important. In my opinion, I think government should balance in spending money to build between magnificent building and hospitals, schools. Whoever visits to a city centre, the first sight that attrack him or her is the buildings that stand out. Buildings like Pompidou Centre in Paris and the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, which is the tallest building in the world, it makes the country to be famous around the world. Thank to these building, their country is known well and residents have things to do such as buying souvenirs, drinks and food to tourists or make the tour guide to improve income. I think government spend money on city buildings will brings a lot of benefits for both their country and citizens. However, governments also make sure that their citizens are look after about knowledge and health. This mean schools and hospitals are needed to satisfy basic requirement of residents. Where I live, more and more hospitals are built but there are also many situations that patients have no bed to lie in the hospital. A small bed can be even included 2 patients, and patient's family is uncomfortable clearly. Our government is planning to build a special centre for them to solve this problem, and of course this will cost a lot of money. Overall, I believe government will have a great policy to balance spending money into between large buildings and hospitals, schools. Impressive buildings are necessary for developing their economy. But modern schools and hospitals are not less important to ensure the demand of people in their country.

There are problems with your spelling and grammar throughout the essay. Let me tell you something though, while other grammatical errors tend to irritate me, your grammatical errors, specially in spelling, are just so cute in the way it portrays the error that I can't help but smile at the thought that you were-this-close to almost getting the spelling right. Here's a tip, when you write the essay, since it is a practice test, do it as a document file. That way you can use spellcheck to correct your errors. It is much easier than having to look up the spelling in the dictionary, even it is online. Spellcheck can actually help improve your grammar and increase your practice test scores in the process. Now, on to the main problem with your essay. You have made the very same mistake that the others before you made when responding to an opinion prompt. You placed your opinion at the conclusion of the essay. This is a mistake. You are not allowed to present your opinion in the paragraph that is supposed to just wrap up the discussion. Rather, you are supposed to deliver your opinion as a stand alone paragraph towards the end of the essay. If you revise this essay to better reflect your opinion as required, you will have a 5 paragraph essay, which is the standard, correct format for writing these practice tests. Please consider revising your work as it will produce a better practice score for you.

**Percentage of first-year teacher with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation (Unit 3 Page 36)** The graph gives information about number of English-Language teachers and French-Language teachers from 2001 to 2007 in Ontorio by years of graduation. All in all, the percentage of English-Language teachers were a dramatic decrease and French-Language teachers were a slight increase. In 2001, the number of English-language teachers stood at 75 percent and French-language teachers was 70 percent. Three years later, in 2003 there was a dramatic decrease of English-language teachers to 35 percent and decreased in the percentage of French-Language teachers during 2001 to 2003 at 70 percent to 68 percent. From 2003 to 2005, English and French language teachers were gradual increase. Based on the graph can be seen that, an increase in English teachers were 40 percent to 45 percent. And then, French teachers were small rise from 68 percent to 70 percent. Even though, there was grew up during three years later, between 2005 and 2007 the number of English-Language teachers and French-Language teachers were different. English-Language teachers were felt down under 30 percent, while French-Language teachers were slight increase event there was fluctuated (179w). *

Hi Reski, here is a cleaned up version of your essay. I hope you can see where I made the improvements and how you can improve your content by simply separating the information into specific sentences within the applicable paragraph. *The graph provides information regarding the recruitment number of English and French language teachers in Ontario covering the years of 2001 to 2007. The graph clearly shows that there is a marked difference in the number of English and French language teachers respectively. There was a decrease in the English teachers, while the French teachers experienced an increase during the period indicated. English teachers in 2001 were represented at 75 percent while the French language counterparts were only at 70 %. By the year 2003, the English teachers percentage experienced a decline to 35 percent. There was also a decrease of 70 to 68 percent from the year 2001-2003 in the French teacher area. There was a slow increase in the number of English and French language teachers fro 2003-2005. Based on the graph information, the increase in English teachers ranged from 40 to 45 percent. While there was only a small rise in the area of French teachers. The increase in French teachers only went from 68 to 70 percent. Though there was an increase three years later. The years of 2005 to 2007 showed different digits for English and French language teachers. English teacher numbers were down to 30 percent. While the French language teachers showed a fluctuating increase of 179w.*

***Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions*** People around the world had been so familiar with the global warming phenomenon and how the sea levels had reached the alarming rates. The flood that is inundated the coastal area is the problem caused by the increasing sea levels and the workable solution to tackle this threat is constructing the flood barriers. The watery catastrophe had been the acute problem faced by many people. Inundation is the effect of global warming that melts the glossaries and ice caps in Greenland and Antarctica, hence it increases the sea levels and flood is the big impact of it. The devastation of flood forces the people who life in the coastal areas relocating their habitats and surely will cause the poverty of the people. It is shown that the increase of ocean levels that cause flood will bring a dangerous impact for the coastal inhabitants. The workable solution to prevent the inundation by sea levels is building flood barriers such as floodgates, dams and dikes. It can be constructed along of the coastal areas, thus helps the flood does not reach the inhabitant since the waterways are limited to reach the population areas. This solution had been implemented by Netherland for a long time ago and it totally works to prevent the tidal waves from floodwaters. To conclude, the retaining construction is such a useful solutions to block the waterways pushing the population area hence the flood caused by the increase ocean levels that becomes the most frighten threat can be prevented.

Hi Russel. Well, this certainly looks like it would score another 6 in an actual exam. You have proven to have an ability to properly understand the prompt. The method by which you present your opinion and discussion has a semblance of organization and it is evident that you did your best to outline the topics for discussion prior to writing the essay. As such, your essay has a fluid flow of thought. The only clear problem with your essay is that you sometimes use the wrong word when describing something you want to share. For example, in the following sentence, " Inundation is the effect of global warming", while inundation is the aftermath of a flood, the proper term to have used would have been "Flooding". I understand that you want to impress the reviewer by using more complex vocabulary. However, you have to study or have the ability to realize when to use certain terms and if the term is applicable to a certain meaning that you want to relay. This is not a bad effort. In fact, it is an impressive effort on your part. I am looking forward to seeing your further improvement in the coming days.

**Can you give me all your suggestions about this essay and the average score, please.** It is a well-known fact that in many countries children are hired in paid work. Some people consider this as completely correct, while the others regard this as a valuable work experience, significant for learning and taking responsibilities. As such, it is worth asking if children should be employed. Personally, I think they should. On the one hand, work influences well on the younger generation, because it helps them to be adapted to their adulthood. Moreover, children become more self-confident and independent. For instance, John Rockefeller started work at the age of seven. John was selling turkeys and at the end of his life he earned 336 billion dollars (inflation-adjusted). To sum up, work can make child's character and develop his capabilities. On the other hand, many people hold the opinion that juvenile labour causes only negative things. These include an increased high school dropout rate, drug and alcohol abuse. Employers, however, are the only one who benefits from hiring an under-aged person, enjoying a cheap and effective labour. They also opine that employment of children is always dangerous and harmful for the next generations. Because of child labour, minors will fail to get proper education and they will feel the lack of children's activities. Eventually, work brings much more positive experience however it is more useful when the working experience is accompanied by the college or university studies. *

Hi Maxim, I believe that this could have the potential to gain a band score of 6. It offers a somewhat coherent discussion of the essay and presents appropriate evidence, even though that evidence may not be the most up to date information that could be presented. I did find a number of flaws in your essay though. Let's take a look at the introduction first. Though you presented both sides of the argument, you did not clearly state your opinion. You sounded off an agreement in the sentence but did not reflect what you were agree to. Was it the pro or the con? When developing your opening statement, keep in mind that you need to clearly indicate your response to the prompt (when required) as a personal opinion as it is an integral part of the essay discussion. Next, your use of John Rockefeller as an example is good since he founded one of the richest families in America. However, he is too historical for the pop culture crowd. Try to present examples from the current era in order to make a connection with the reader and show that you understand the applications of the prompt to modern times. Since your opinion was asked for, you should have had an extra paragraph in there that discussed your personal opinion, based upon your personal information or beliefs. The lack of that discussion showed that you did not completely understand the prompt requirements and therefore, affected the final score. Your conclusion is also flawed as you presented a single thought process as a single sentence when the required paragraph number is 3 -5. Had you managed to follow the instructions more completely, you would have gotten a higher score.

***The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.*** The chart informs about the kind of problem people were often faced when starting to stay abroad according to age. Overall, people having 35-54year-olds had the most problematic challenge. To find a school for their children was the least percentage of the problem for all age range while for people aged 35 to over 55, sorting out healthcare was the first rank of the problem. The greatest problem for young age was sorting out the money with just below 35 percent. Meanwhile, only 35 percent of 35-54 years old people finding it as a problem while older people had 29 percent of integration problem on this issue. Sorting out healthcare was the trickiest problem with people range 35-54 and over 55 age. The former had 33 percent while the latter had 31 percent of problems. However, for the young age, only 32 percent of people faced the problem. Finding a school for the children was the problem for people in the middle age and the young with 19 and 6 percent. For elder people, it was the least problem they faced with only two percent of the people. *

Ivan, please allow me to share with you a properly worded version of your essay report for future reference: *The chart provides information about the kinds of problems people face when they move to another country. The problems are presented according to the age of the person who moved away. In a nutshell, the 35-54 year old people face the most problematic challenge. The highest ranked problem for this age group was healthcare. While the least problem for their age was finding a school for their children. Financial problems represented the greatest problem for the younger generation aged 18-34. The represented 35 % of the money problem. While only 29 % of the 35 - 54 population considered money a problem. On the other hand, the 35-54 age group had healthcare as their biggest and trickiest problem. With only 33 % represented by the age group, this showed that the people over the age of 55 had 31 % of the problems presented to deal with. While the 18 -34 year old people had only 31 % of the problems to resolve. Finally, 29 % of the participants in the survey had a social integration problem. The least problem for the participants seemed to be finding a school for their children. This was pretty common among the middle aged people. While the 19 year old bracket only represented 6 % of this problem. the oldest people in the group represented only 2 % of the population that faced those surveys.* If you will learn how to collate the information provided into groups that can be discussed fluidly in the report, then you should not have a problem composing the essay anymore.

*The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.* The bar chart gives information about sort of problems people have when they move into the other countries according to ages. Overall, the biggest problem is for finding the best health care in those countries in 35-54 years old people. 35 percent of people aged 35-54 are having problem on looking for finances while those in 18-34 age group finds it easier which is under 35 percent. Moreover, people in over 55 years old show that only under 30 percent of them find the finances as a problem Sorting of medical care for people in the middle age is the most problematic which is above 36 percent. The older people find the health care is more difficult than the youngest people which is above 35 percent. The youngest people has the lowest percentage than others which is under 35 percent. Looking school for the children become the most difficulties for the productive ages which is under 20 percent. People who have 18-34 years old sort the school as a problem in 6 percent. In contrast, almost all of the oldest people have difficulties to find the school for children which is above 2 percent. *

... about THE sort of problems ... they move ~~in~~ to the other countries. THE CHART LISTS THE NUMBERS according to ages. ...problem ~~is for~~ IS RELATED TO finding the best health care ... ... in those countries FOR THE ~~in~~ 35-54 year~~s~~ old people. ... of people aged 35-54 ~~are having~~ HAVE A problem ~~on~~ looking for finances... while those in THE 18-34 age group find~~s~~ it easier ~~which is~~ AT under 35 percent. ... ~~in~~ over 55 years old show ... ... 30 percent of them find ~~the~~ finances ~~as~~ a problem ~~Sorting~~ ACQUIRING ~~of~~ medical care for MIDDLE AGED people ~~in the middle age~~ ... ... ~~which~~ AT ~~is~~ above 36 percent. The older people find ~~the~~ THAT health care is more difficult TO ACQUIRE... ...youngest people ~~which is~~ AT above 35 percent. ...people ~~has~~ HAVE the lowest percentage than others ~~which is~~ AT under 35 percent. Looking FOR A school for the children ~~become~~ IS the most difficult~~ies~~ for the productive ages ~~which is~~ under 20 ... ... People who ~~have~~ ARE 18-34 years old ~~sort the school as a problem in 6 percent~~ REPRESENT 6 PERCENT OF THIS PROBLEM. ...have difficulties ~~to find the school~~ IN FINDING SCHOOLS for children ~~which is~~ AT above 2 percent.

WRITING TASK I (INTEGRATION PROBLEMS FOR PEOPLE LIVING ABROAD) The bar chart provides information of the difficulties people face when stay in abroad based on ages. Overall, the highest problems of the people includes economic plans, healthcare and education plans for child have been occurred on the young adults periods. Whereas the most problem such as education plans have been the least problem to people in 55 years old and above. The other side, the problems of financial and healthcare necessity have been the higher priority than education plans for the young adults periods between 18 and 34 years old. However, according to development ages, the people becomes most concerned to all of the problem life includes the priorities of economical plans, healthier life concern and education planning for children. Based on the data, the healthcare concern has been upward trends in over people life time since young adults until elderly periods by 25 percent. At least, these problems could been increased for healthcare priority and had been decreased for finance concern and also education plans for child in the 55 years old or above. (162 words) *

...information ~~of~~ REGARDING the d... when stayING ~~in~~ abroad based... ...the people include~~s~~ economic plans, ... ...educationAL plans for ~~child~~ CHILDREN have been ~~occurred on~~ OCCURRING AMONG the young adults ~~periods~~ . ~~Whereas the most~~ THE BIGGEST problem ~~such as~~ INVOLVING education plans ~~have been~~ ARE the... ...to people ~~in~~ 55 years... ~~The other side,~~ ON THE OTHER HAND, ... financial and healthcare ~~necessity~~ NECESSITIES have been ~~the~~ A higher ... ... educationAL plans for ~~the~~ young adults ~~periods~~ between ... ...ages, ~~the~~ people ~~becomes~~ ARE most concerned ~~to all of the problem life~~ OF PROBLEMS THAT includes ~~the priorities of~~ economical ... life concernS and education ... Based on the data, the healthcare concern has ~~been~~ HAD AN upward trend~~s in over people life time~~ ~~since~~ AMONG young adults ~~until~~ AND THE elderly ~~periods~~ by 25 ... ... ~~At least~~ AND LAST, these problems could ~~been~~ increas~~ed~~~~for~~ healthcare... ... priority and ~~had been decreased for~~ HAS BEEN DECREASING DUE TO ~~finance~~ FINANCIAL concern... ... also educationAL plans for childREN ~~in the~~ AMONG THOSE 55 years old or above.

**When students are in large classes, it is very hard for the teacher to give every student individual attention. What can educational authorities do about this?** Teacher tend to feel hard when handling a class with huge number of students and this would lead to less individual attention felt by the students. Giving additional teaching and using new technology in classes are workable solution which can be taken. Giving additional lessons in school is one way to solve the problem for teacher who gets a difficulty to pay attention to each pupil in large class. It is important to carry out because this will assist academic of students as well as helping the difficulty in understanding subject matter. For instance, Malaya University has conducted research through additional lesson in school that the number of students experience increase in understanding what teacher has been taught after they have joined additional lessons. This condition reveals that it will solve teacher's difficulty in deliver subject. Moreover, the school authority should encourage both teachers and students to take modern technologies like projectors, sound systems, the internet and this will help to address the issue. For instance, if a teacher updates his blog with his lectures, students who had difficulty understanding it could easily study it from home. Besides, in Seoul National University, is it very famous that students have their own video screens in their seat, enabling them to see and hear their teacher's quotes from near. The teacher can find each pupil on a huge screen installed on the wall. To conclude, some students should study in class where their classes full of students so that it is reducing performance of their academic. Personally, teacher should give additional subject and the authority of school should give the technology facilities. It will give encouraging the both teacher and student in teaching and learning activity.

Radja, this essay will still garner a score of 4 during the actual test. The very first problem this essay has is a severely under developed introduction. It should have at least 3 complete and coherent sentences in order to be considered within the proper paragraph format. The grammar problems also prove to be a difficulty for the reader because your sentence structure does not follow a logical format and does not offer a clear idea as to how the discussion should be progressing. You offer factual information that does not really make much sense because of the way you presented your opinion. Basically, the problem that you have at the moment lies in your difficulty in developing proper sentences. I can tell that you have an acceptable opinion that you are trying to get across. In order to improve your skills in this area, I suggest that you try to read more English material so that you can get a clear idea as to how the English sentences are formed. This will also help you increase your vocabulary and understanding of the word meaning so that you can use the words in the correct manner the next time you write your essay. Don't give up. Keep trying. We are here to cheer you on.

**More renewable energy sources are harnessed to generate electricity these days. What are disadvantages and advantages of this trend?** Tend to use renewable energy to produce electricity. Even though free-pollution air would be created, its operational system requires more budgets. Renewable energy is great for our energy portfolio because they are inexhaustible and will not pollute the environment for us or those of future generations by emitting toxic chemicals and gases. For instance, solar energy creates absolutely no pollution, it means clean and results in little to no greenhouse and net carbon emissions. It will not deplete our natural resources and have minimal, if any, negative impacts on the environment, with no waste products of Co2 and other, more toxic take with different sources of energy. The use of this energy will not bring out bad effect such as air pollution so that communities are more likely to use it. On the other hand, the use renewable sources will spend much money because this needs many goods to encourage using this energy and have high maintenance expenses. For example, when we use a solar system that it should consider because the initial cost for purchasing a solar system is fairly high like the UK government has introduced some schemes for encouraging the adoption of renewable energy sources, such as the the Feed-in Tariff, you still have to cover the upfront costs. This includes paying for solar panels, inverter, batteries, wiring and for the installation. This condition shows that the use of renewable energy needs much money to purchase goods and require high maintenance expenses. To conclude, the use of renewable energy has less risk to environment and even this would Be free of the air-pollution but this will spend much money to purchase the goods of renewable energy and to maintain its equipment.

Radja, this essay would not score more than a 4 in an actual setting due to a number of reasons. It saddens me to tell you this but you have a number of incomplete and incoherent sentences. That means that some of your sentences do not make sense to the reader because it does not have a subject or does not have any supporting evidence to complete your thought process on paper. You must concentrate on improving your analytical skills and increase your vocabulary to the point where you will be able to create understandable sentences and paragraphs. I can sense that you tried your best to complete this essay in the right manner and I congratulate you for making the effort. You have the potential to get better over the coming days. I am sure of it.

The amount of coffee, which was measured by kilograms and exported from three countries between 2002 and 2012, is illustrated in the figures. The most significant facts to emerge from the graph are that all countries, including Brazil, Colombia, and Costa Rica, experienced a growth in coffee exports by the end of 2012, in which Brazil always leads Colombia and Costa Rica. Brazil and Costa Rica began at fairly similar level of 12 and 15 consecutively. While Brazil saw an increase over the following 4 years with reaching 15 million kilograms, Costa Rica fell to 7 million kilograms in 2006. Subsequently, Brazil's exports rose gradually to 20 million kilograms, which was followed by a short fall to 17 million kilograms in the following two years. At the end of period, Brazil hit a high of its exports with 25 million kilograms. In contrast, Costa Rica experienced a steady increase per two years starting from 2006. Columbia, on the other hand, stood at 5 kilograms at first. Then, over the following 4 years, there was a gradual rise, in which Columbia surpassed Costa Rica with 12 million kilograms in 2006. Subsequently, it was followed by a sudden decrease in 2008, when its exports hit a low of 1.5 million kilograms. From 2008 to 2012, Columbia's pattern grew significantly to 15 million kilograms at the end of period

Mifta, I wish you had attached the chart that indicated the figures you presented. It is hard to judge the accuracy of your report without it. Kindly remember to include the illustration the next time you post an essay for review. Thanks. Now, on to the editing of your work: ...in which Brazil always ~~leads~~ led Colombia and Costa Rica. ... similar levelS of 12 and 15 ~~consecutively~~ RESPECTIVELY. ... 4 years ~~with~~ BY reaching 15 million kilograms... ... followed by a short fall ~~to~~ OF 17 million kilograms ~~in~~ DURING the ... ...Brazil hit aN EXPORT high of ~~its exports with~~ 25 million ...a steady increase ~~per~~ EVERY two years starting from 2006. ...surpassed Costa Rica ~~with~~ BY 12 million ... Columbia's pattern grew significantly to 15 million kilograms ~~at~~ BY the end of THE period.

***Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions.*** The global warming phenomenon is one of big issues faced by human beings and the level of sea floor has reached at. The problem appeared owing to this phenomenon is flood around the coastal area and the workable solution which can be taken is the construction of flood-control barrier. As the impact of the emerging of climate change, the flood is striking many countries since the amount of the ocean's surface increased so that it spillover to the river near the residence. A current study conducted by Japan Government reveals the impact of flood is striking out every single part of human life and the aftermath of flood brings many drawbacks such as the skin disease and diarrhea that mostly affects children, causes the absent of economic activity as people cannot walk on their daily activity, and inflicts the financial loss of a country. The construction of flood-control barrier such as dam and reservoir can be taken as the workable solution for this problem. The function of the dam is to control the limit of water near the residence where inhabitants live while the function of reservoir is to place plenty of water. Therefore the flood can be controlled since the excessive amount of water will go through the dam and will be accommodated to the reservoir next to the dam. The construction of this barrier has been used by some countries having the same problem for decades, for instance Netherlands. In conclusion, building dam and reservoir that has been applied by Netherlands is the best long-term solution to face the flood in many other countries as the amount of water in the ocean is overflowing resulting in flooding happened in some regions of countries become the most common problem of the global warming phenomenon.

Alrisky, I do believe that this essay will only have a score of 4 in an actual test. There are problems with the way that your self. Some of your sentences do not offer a complete thought (e.g. The global warming phenomenon is one of big issues faced by human beings and the level of sea floor has reached at.). This makes the discussion hard to understand . The thought progression is unclear and does not use proper vocabulary when expressing a sentiment or explaining a point of view. Basically, the essay is confusing to read and does not accurately represent the prompt that you are expected to discuss using basic facts as evidence in support of your statements.

**Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer games for children?** There are some people who believe that children should play online computer games as they gain a lot of benefits and less drawbacks, while some of them also hesitate to agree with the statement. Although some of the program in online pc games are meant for educational purpose with no erotic contents, the possibility of physiological effect, such as, addiction towards games and affection of game contents is still became the main drawback needed to be recognized by parents. Internet based games that contain few of inappropriate images, video and sounds are quite popular among children. As the technology of media has growth rapidly, the era of delivering knowledge shifted from text books to internet based games, which are relatively easy to access as well as understand by children at home. According to Australian researchers, the games connected to internet have big roles in children's brain development while learning new beneficial contents. Those contents are composed by tremendous vocabularies and mathematical patterns which somehow showed a significant increase in sending neurotransmitter in child brain that lead to activation of memory skills. Furthermore, they found that almost 75% of children these days in Australia have achieved good marks in their studies, especially subjects related to numeric and problem-solving. As the whole types of games are not dominated by inappropriate and uneducated contents, playing games are as safe as reading books if they seek new knowledge. However, most games, especially online game has strong affection towards children's behaviors and remote their awareness to play repeatedly. The reason is mainly as game maker who design the entire game create the system which cannot be done once, need to be finished several times to achieve rewards in the game, which often encourage children to be addicted. Besides, the hazardous scenes or violent language become another parental disfavor to allow playing online games. The researchers from University of Vancouver have questioned whether engaging in game for 24 hours for a week has similar impact physiologically than player who play for 3 hours for 2 a week. As a result, they found that most children are prone to eagerly redo the same game and memorized the harsh vocabularies, which are ensured by filling questionnaire of words that are said by the main character in the game. By this fact, it is strongly suggested that addiction towards game and become violently in speaking language are real. In summary, online games can be better choice to deliver essential information regarding education subjects, while psychological affection towards game and desire to play it repeatedly are undeniable drawbacks of playing them. it would be better if parents can limit the time exposure of their children to play games to earn the beneficial information as well as psychological effects.

Hey Fadhil, I really like the way you delivered your opinion in the essay. It had an accurate number of references that gave the discussion a high sense of credibility. Let's forget that your grammar usage has problems and there are times when your sentences are awkwardly developed. That didn't affect the way your opinion was expressed and received by the reader though. Somehow, you still came across as understandable. So I will applaud you and tell you that you have done a pretty good job in relation to responding to the prompt. In case you want to know what kind of score you would receive for this work in an actual test, I have a feeling that it would score somewhere between a 5 or 6. Not bad all for a practice test.

So the supplemental essay for emerson which I'm applying to is, **"Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? Please be brief (100-200 words)."** I wrote two different versions, I need help as to which you think is better/more creative. The first one is pretty standard, the second is in a story form 3rd person, I'm not sure if they would like it or not? I thought it might be creative but I don't know. Please help thank you!! First one: If I were to write the story of my life, I'd title it, "Time: The Story of How I Found It". Every week someone asks me, "How do you find the time??". This is because I managed to play varsity soccer, work two jobs, get all of my school homework done, spend time with friends and family, finish a variety of tv shows, books, and movies (I do love a good story), study for the SAT's, and get all of my college applications done in three months. I'd love to say that I pride myself on my extraordinary multitasking capabilities, but that would be a lie. It's time management. Time management and I have grown considerably close these past few years (first name basis and everything!). I've really learned to value every hour of every day. I believe it will help immensely in college, getting all my work done as soon as possible, never waiting until the last minute, and always saving time to relax and spend time with friends. Learning to spend my time efficiently has helped prepare me for whatever these next four years throw my way, (the ten extra arms and legs I have won't hurt either). 2nd one: "Mature" Emily was sinking through an hourglass. Her feet being pulled into a dense abrasive sand. The air around her thinned. Encumbered by a glass reality, she sank. She could distinguish voices below her, somewhere through the sandy void in which she was about to fall. The voices sounded older. Above her, she heard laughing; young voices. Down she went. Everything went dark until she was spit out onto warm pillowy sand. Her mother was there, as well as other adults she was close with. Surrounded by elders, she realized something. She was pulled down by time, forced to mature before any of her friends, the young voices she heard on the other side. Living with her brother, Matthew, and his debilitating illness, made her see that growing up early was just fate for her and it's a vital part of who she is. Living with her brother has taught her the value of hard work, patience, and acceptance of everyone. Though the journey through the "sands of time" was at times unpleasant, she would never trade what it has taught her for anything. In an ironic way 'sinking down' had her rising up to a new level of maturity.

You have to revise the whole essay in order to accomplish what I suggest. Here is a 158 or so word sample of how I would revise this paper, I hope it helps you with your revision: *My exhaustion left me feeling like I was sinking into an hourglass as I drifted off to sleep. My feet were being absorbed by the abrasive sand. Air thinning around me, I was losing consciousness as the voices of those important to me filled my head. My mother's voice filled with loving care and advice, my elders telling me that I would need to mature soon, then the image of my brother Matthew. His debilitating illness was all too real in this dream. He needed my help. I need to be mature and patient with him. I needed to accept that my role in the family had changed to one of responsibility for my mother and brother. The dream was becoming more unpleasant for me. I learned more about myself through my dream, I woke, knowing that I now had a clearer understanding of who I am and the maturity to deal with my life challenges.*

Im taking ielts this cominng december.can u please help me check my essay...please.i really need your help Task 2: **It is often thought that increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think it is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime?** (ANSWER THIS ON THE SECOND PARAGRAPH) **What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?** (THIRD PARAGRAPH) Nowadays, notable increase of delinquent act is concern of all the people. Some populace claims that it is because of the intense aggressive behavior that usually can be seen on various programs in medias while others think that there are more contributing factors that lead young individuals to commit wrong doings. However, I personally believe that there are supporting programs that can help lessen this kind of bad act. To start, some other risk factors that are associated to juvenile crimes are poverty, lack of education and unstable family or family cruelty. Poverty correlates to lack of education. Children who lives in poverty are unable to attend school and learn proper education. They rather stay on the streets and mix with other people that they do not know.Also, due to poverty the basic needs of their children are not supported as well. For that reason, it is obviously that these young individuals would do anything to survive likely stealing or sometimes get involve in more serious crime just to earn money to support their necessities. Another risk factor is unstable family or family abuse. Characteristics of a child is depends on how they were raised and influenced by their loved ones. For an instance, a child who grow up with broken family, rivalry among siblings, unsupportive family members are mostly feel neglected. They tend to get the attention of their guardians by participating to other gangs which often get involve in crimes. Interestingly, in every problems there are always solutions behind it. One of these is, proper guidance of the family and being a good example to them. Also, supporting programs that a government can offer like free education and promoting extra curricular activities like sports in which these children will divert their attention from doing unnecessary things. I therefore conclude that family and the government play important role in reducing the number of teenage participation to crime. A child needs love and proper guidance from their own family while the government should provide programs that will help them avoid wrongdoings.

Hi May, you did not do bad with this essay. In my opinion, it can actually get a score of 5. There are many positive aspects of your essay but what I would like to discuss with you are the evident problems that reduced your writing score. You need to work on improving your English vocabulary. It is obvious that you are trying your best to present yourself as a person with adequate English language skills. Continued reading of English materials and writing practice will help you better hone those skills in particular. Right now, you have a limited use of sentence structures. That is not really a problem as your sentences can become more complex as you settle into the use of English as a spoken and written language for yourself. As of now, these are the major issues that I can see in your essay. Remember, the essay is good. You just need to work on its written development and presentation.

***Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?*** Some people believe that game online is a good activity for children, others say is a bad action. While the games can make children critical in thinking, this also makes children vulnerable to suffer impaired vision. The presence of games can help increase children's concentration. This is because many games force children to explore their thinking ability in solving any problems or find a strategic way in winning the battle. For example, research in MIT University showed that playing games about 20 minutes before the study can elicit a concentration in learning. therefore, it is true that game can be utilized to make children more creative. However, it is also accepted that game online can deteriorate children eyesight capability. The reason for this is children spend much time in front of the monitor. For instance, Health Ministry of Indonesia released the result of survey in 2015 that showed 60% of students using glasses to aid their vision due to playing online game. It is true that when children play games with a long duration, it makes their sight poor. In conclusion, although online game gives a positive impact on children's brain, it is also involving their healthy such an eyesight problem is sensitive for children. I recommended parent's role to supervise children and restrict usage online game as long as their activities.

HI Riandi. The essay is a very good start for a writing task practice exercise. I believe that this could be scored a high 6 in an actual test. There is clear evidence that you understood the prompt and know exactly how you wanted to discuss it. However, your sentence structure was problematic and grammar mistakes were quite obvious. Luckily, these mistakes did not affect the transfer of information to the reader. It was still possible for the reader to get an idea as to what you were trying to say. The effort you put into writing this essay did not get wasted. It has its good and bad points with the good outweighing the bad. You have the potential to pass the test. Just keep practicing and don't lose hope. Your work can and will constantly get better.

**Question: In some countries it is illegal to smoke in public places, it is only fair that people who wish to smoke have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? Answer:** Some countries introduce a rule banning smoking in the public places and those willing to have some smokes should leave the related spot. This essay would completely agree with this statement because this policy would create a clean environment and people are hindered from being contaminated with the dangerous smoke released by burned cigarette. It is generally believed that government authority has aim to prohibit smokers to burn cigarette in public zones to get fresh air in these circumstances. The reason for this policy is smoking activities will produce smoke everywhere and will pollute air surrounding the public areas which many people always pass this common zone. For example, in 2005, a recent study carried out by Dubai government found that air condition around public places were polluted around 56% in Airport and 78% in convention hall. It is true that this regulation brings positive impact to make inhabitants respire with fresh air. On the other hand, this policy will also halt citizens who are passive smoking from contaminated by smokers in public places. The reason for this is that will lessen the number of diseases which is infected by smokers to citizens. For instance, a recent survey, carried out by the Japan public health, showed in 2010 about 68% patients breast cancer decreased to 45% since the government issued rule to not allow smokers burn cigarette in public place. It is needless to say that this regulation will increase life expectancy for passive smokers. To sum up, it is gone without seeing that people who want to burn cigarette have to find smoking areas based on the government regulation because this rule will make a clean circumstance and give benefit for passive smokers. I totally support that the government has to give punishment to smokers who are not following this authority.

Eve, I will refrain from giving you a score for this essay because I want to give you a chance to rewrite the paper. It is apparent that you misunderstood the prompt requirement from the very start of your essay. What you turned in was a paper that supported the ban on public smoking. You actually defended that stand quite well and you should have scored very well if that was the required answer by the prompt, which it wasn't. The actual discussion that the prompt wished to have you provide is "...it is only fair that people who wish to smoke have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?" Instead of taking a stand that either supports or opposes the statement, you started talking about government regulation, rules, and other non-related information. While the facts you presented were good, there was nothing in the essay to indicate that you understood the prompt properly. You failed to discuss the prompt and present a proper conclusion in the essay. So in the end, the score for this essay would not have been beneficial to your chances of studying overseas.

***The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestion on how people should prepare for work in the future?*** It is no doubt that the working environment is changing recently and people are not taking one profession anymore. Obviously, the increase of living cost is one of main reason of this trend and saving money and changing the lifestyle are some options to prepare for people to tackle this issue in the upcoming day. One reason why people are prone to have more than one job is that the amount of money spent by them in every month escalates which is not only as the impact of the living cost that is getting expensive but also the life necessities that is increasing while their salary is not enough to pay all of that continuously. The increase of living cost is covering the price of groceries, the cost of raw material for building, and the cost to rent apartment while the rise of life necessities is including the changing of lifestyle as people tend to hang out with their friends or colleagues outside, the needs of handling advanced technology such as mobile phone or computer, and the cost of transportation. All of those things forces people to have much more money by taking more than one profession so that they can finance their life. However, people have several options can be taken to tackle this issue in the future. It is very obvious that people can prepare to the upcoming day not only by reducing the money spending and saving some but also by changing their lifestyle as it is very impossible for them to have more than one job for their entire life. As a current survey conducted by California University shows that the average of productive age for people to work is only until 53 years old. Therefore, people should not work in many places anymore even though their salary is barely. Besides, in my experience, the other thing people can do to handle this problem is to reduce the using of technology or transportation if they cannot afford it. This option can be taken as people do not always need to follow the recent trend. To sum up, the options can be taken to tackle this issue is by saving money and changing the lifestyle as the changing of working environment forced people to have more than one profession is caused by their increasing outcome while their salary from one job is not getting bigger.

Alrisky, you can get a band score of six for this essay. It shows your potential for analytical thinking and your ability to discuss, somewhat coherently, in written form. Although there are problems with your sentence structure and grammar, these did not lessen the information that your paper provided. Congratulations on having the foresight to include verifiable information in your essay. Presenting such data helps to increase your score because this shows that you are trying to heighten your writing method and display an increased English comprehension skill. I am looking forward to reading your next task writing. You have shown improvement and I am convinced that you are doing your best to further increase your English writing skills.

***In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?*** A regulation to smoke out of public areas has been applied in some countries. I am a firm believer through this statement because this kind of activity causes unhealthy surroundings and accustoms a good attitude for smokers as well. It is often said that this irritating habit is prone to create unhealthy air. The reason for this is because cigarette bears many bad chemicals that it does pollute the environment. Besides, it also harms people who inhale its smoke. Medical officials' records say that there are many citizens suffer serious disease due to become passive smokers. Thus, it is a good trend not to let smokers inhale cigarette in buildings. Moreover, pulling on cigarette out of public spaces is sensible way to meet the right between the smokers and people who do not. It leads smokers to have a big respect toward other people who do not smoke and vice versa, creating the harmony between them. Besides, while this policy would lessen the number of passive smokers, it also directs the smokers to leave this habit gradually as the place where they can smoke restricted. In some supermarkets, for example, it is now rarely found people who argue each other because of cigarette's smoke as smokers has special place to enjoy their cigarettes. To conclude, besides to maintain fresh air in enclosed places, this regulation must be an effective way to create good habit for smokers to respect people who do not smoke. Moreover, through this policy, there will be a reducing number of passive smokers as an additional benefit.

Hi Husnul, I believe that you would get a score band of 6 for this work of yours. There is a clear understanding of the prompt and you were able to present your opinion based upon factual supporting data. As such, you have proven that although your grammar may be wrong in some points, you have the ability to coherently discuss an issue. More importantly, your discussion, flawed grammar and all, is sure to be understood by the person you are or will be conversing with. A word of advice though, keep in mind that the paragraphs need to be composed of at least 3 well developed sentences at all times. While I did not deduct points for that error in your writing for this practice test, it will have an adverse effect on your score in the actual test.

**Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the some company for many years?** Many employees have to work in one place for a long time because of money. While it is true to some extent, I also claim that good cooperation in one company is another factor which should be taken into account. It is true that money is one of reasons making some employees motivated to work in one place. Staying in one place for long time would influence their career because they would easily to get promotion and they would receive a high salary from companies. For example, there is my neighbor deciding to work in one company for many years because he thinks that if working in long period, company will give him higher salary. Thus, most people work in one place for long because of money. On the other hand, money is not the only one which can make several employee motivated because in work place not only need money but also they require cooperation with other co-worker. Solid Partnership can make work more efficient and productive. Besides, they would be helped by cooperation if employee has problem in work. Those can lighten some employee's work by cooperation. As result they would feel motivated in doing their work. To conclude, many people cannot be undeniable that money is one motivation to do work but it does not meant that money the only one can become spirit factor in their work because there are another factor which make employee motivated to work is good cooperation.

Radjah, I do believe that your scoring for this essay would start somewhere at the band of 6. You have managed to develop the essay in a proper manner although your introduction and concluding paragraphs were shorter than the required number of sentences. You were able to present sufficient supporting evidence that shows a clear understanding of the prompt. Your word usage shows an intermediate level of English grammar knowledge which led to understandable paragraphs even though the language was not as grammatically correct as it should be. Your essay would have been helped tremendously if you had managed to not only add information in the introduction, but also made it clear you agreed with the prompt statement. Rather than saying that "I also claim...", you should have instead started with "I agree with the given statement and would like to add that..." Remember, when you are asked for an opinion, it should be clearly stated in the introduction and given supporting evidence within the next paragraphs.

***In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.*** Several countries permit under-age children to work. This statement create the presence of two critical thinking, some assume it is as an unacceptable choice and the rest think it is as a beneficial experience. Even tough the under-age children should not be engaged further as a labour considered by their mental health that is not yet ready to work, I am more likely to stand that children still should be introduced to work life so they can think wider and perform wiser. As they are still young, the under-age children should not be involved in paid work. Some people assumed it is as an unacceptable choice since their mental health can be broken by doing activities that really not fit into them. Research conducted in 2012 by Committee on the Rights of the Child as one of the United Nations body for children showed as much as 35 percent of children engaged to paid work becomes mentally disturbed and ill-tempered. However, the percentage of the impact of paid work to children mental health presented by Committee on the Rights of the Child only represents the condition in some developing countries where children is more likely to consider to work than study. In contrast to the first statement, children who study and take part time job will be well-prepared as an adult rather than children who take one of it. The rest of society believe that children experiencing both study and work will think wider and perform wiser when they are mature. A current survey conducted by Australian Government towards this issue showed more than 63 percent of the employees having working experience when they are young are more productive and creative to solve problem in work and friendlier to their partner in workplace. By this fact, it is clear that the children who study and are introduced to work early will be well-prepared to face working life as an adult. To sum up, children engaged in paid work has not only the advantage impact that is they will face work life better since they know the work system early but also the drawback as they will easily get ill-tempered considered by their mental health that not yet ready to work.

Alrisky, if I were the examiner reviewing your written exam, I would be scoring this as a 4. While the essay is well written and presents coherent ideas. The main problem with the essay is that it did not cover all of the prompt requirements. You successfully argued both sides of the issue but, you failed to build a discussion regarding your personal opinion on the given prompt. If you will review the prompt, you will notice that you were expected to provide specific information in each paragraph: Paragraph 1 - Overview of the prompt and a statement of your opinion. Paragraph 2 - Supporting discussion with evidence. Paragraph 3 - Opposing discussion with evidence. Paragraph 4 - Your personal opinion as an expanded discussion Paragraph 5 - Conclusion Your grammar use lacks complexity so that also affected the final score that I believe, could be given to your essay. Don't let this review tear you down though. I know that you will continue to show improvement over the coming days and your score will improve alongside it.

***In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.*** It has been commonly known that some countries encourage children to work. Some people find it is completely useful, while others believe that children have not had a responsibility to work. Even though they will gain priceless experiences through paid work, I believe that psychologically they have not been ready yet to face work world indeed and should obtain more knowledge from school. It cannot be denied that having worth experiences become another additional point for children who have worked. Owing to the fact that the more extra-activities they join, the better person they will be, it makes them gain many kinds of skills such as sociability, problem-solving skill and/or being a good time manager. For instance, children who help their neighbor selling goods in a market and earning money definitely have many conversations with new people more than ordinary children have. However, children should get their right to gain knowledge in institutional education as it is their golden age. Studying in early age involves long term memory which is absolutely good for children's future. Besides, live lessons also are gotten in school, they are not only studying a subject but working together, taking responsible, making friends, learning attitudes and having self-reliance are also obtained. A conducted research held by an NGO finds that people who spend their childhood by studying in school are more likely to be ready to face adult's life. It then, illustrates how important taking school in early age. Moreover, I also claim that they are not mature enough to face the hardness of working atmosphere. Taking a job in that age must be difficult to engage with the stuffs as those young people are in charge to play. Then if they have to work in a car wash, for example, they must have less experience which results children got anger by the boss. Thus it can affect them to become introvert. To recapitulate, even though encouraging young people to work in their golden age in order to have valuable experiences is a good idea, but as long as educational institution offers them to have other more worthwhile experiences there is no reason for them to have a job then.

Husnul, your discussion is not very well developed. Your first paragraph takes on the form of a defense in support of having children work. However, your line of reasoning doesn't really offer the correct data in terms of the benefits that children may get from the activity. You say that the more work the children do, the better kind of person they will be. You should only choose one evidence to support this claim and properly discuss it. You have presented a number of claims in the paragraph that doesn't really offer a clear discussion and valid reasoning. For example, when you say: *... children who help their neighbor selling goods in a market and earning money definitely have many conversations with new people more than ordinary children have.* What is the point of this sentence? How does this prove that children who work have better skills than those who don't work? Doesn't working make the children more psychologically responsible given the fact that they interact with people older than themselves? This paragraph needs further development. Your second paragraph dictates that children should go to school at an early age. That is not exactly the kind of discussion that you should be presenting. If you feel that children should be going to school instead of going to work then you should indicate that line of reasoning within the opening sentence of the next paragraph. This paragraph has deviated from the given prompt as of the moment. The final two paragraphs of the essay work well though and deliver a clear train of thought. It is the only part of the essay that is properly developed and presented somewhat properly.

This is my first essay of my ESL writing class. 1/ Pick one topic that you really interested in. 2/ Find 5 sources based on your topic that you chose 3/ Write an 5 paragraphs essay about your topic. I pick Global warming and this is my essay, my professor said this is too general, and too much information, so I need to narrow it down, but I don't know how. Thank for all your help. **Climate change: human's role and effects** Humans have been going through many natural disasters and the world map will be redrawn if the sea level keeps rising up in the next 100 years. People nowadays have been suffering the obvious change of the earth's surface temperature, hence that our lives and our children will be affected psychologically, physically, and emotionally. Today, as reported by Department of Ecology (DoE), climate change is a combination of standards of temperature, humidity, wind and weather. These climate patterns, moreover, play a crucial role in forming natural ecosystems, the human economies and cultures. Across the world, many nations and famous politicians have endeavored to solve and convince the world to take immediate action. For example, in 1992, the Kyoto Protocol was created with one purpose: to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and many countries have signed up. Moreover, in 2006, "An Inconvenient Truth" sent a message from the former presidential candidate Al Gore to the world that global warming is a moral issue and calls for immediate action. However, there are still many outliers such as the US, Taiwan and Afghanistan that have been belittling this global issue and blaming the problem on natural causes. However, human activities are a culprit of climate change and the effects of climate change are unimaginable. Firstly, as stated in US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), human activities are the main reason to explain recent changes of climate (Overview of Climate Change Science). Most of the significant warming from the past half century has been caused by destroying the atmosphere and the earth's surface, and generating massive greenhouse gas emissions. Our atmosphere acts like the gate connected between the sun and the earth; this gate filters and controls the amount of heat wave energy in and out. Nevertheless, we have increased the thickness of the atmosphere, and it traps heat radiating from Earth toward space and thus, the global warming occurs. From 19th Century, the Industrial Revolution has witnessed a remarkable of greenhouse gas emissions dispersed into atmosphere through heavy industrial activities. Thousands of jobs were created at this time which attracted many people moved from rural areas. This migration led to the needs of more houses and factories. Therefore, all natural resources have been taking for granted by human activities such as deforestation, mining, farming and construction until now. Moreover, fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gases have been used extensively to run giant industrial machines, generate electric for factories, households. As a result, a large- scale of greenhouse gases have been releasing from the past half of century. In additionally, CFCs- a name of a chemical which is invented in lately 19th, mainly used in industrial air conditioners or refrigerator- are ozone destroyer. Ozone is one of the atmosphere's layers and plays a significant role like a sunscreen; it protects all living creatures on earth from the incoming ultraviolet radiation of the sun. The CFCs were used heavily and depleted our ozone layer, and until there were many holes in ozone layer which was realized by scientists, CFCs had been banned by Montreal Protocol - an agreement was established and signed by many countries. (Shivashamugam, P. Basics of Environmental Science and Engineering. New India, 2007, p169). With unstoppable of population growth and industrial revolution, human activities have been squeezing environment by exploiting all rainforests in the world, regardless of the fact that these rainforests are perfect shields to stand against climate change. For example, according to the National Geographic, the Amazon rainforest, which is the largest green lung of Mother Earth, covering about 2.7 million square miles, has been threatened aggressively by human activities. In last 40 year, Amazon rainforest lost more than 20% of its area- roughly the same as 9 million football fields, this deforested area could consume more than 440 million tons of carbon dioxide. As mentioned by Al Gore, we are now living with consequences and we haven't yet realize what price our future generations have to pay (Gore, Al, Dir. Davis Guggenheim.Perf. An Inconvenient Truth. Paramount, 2006) Secondly, human activities have had a great impact on the Earth and lead to severe consequences. Two of these consequences are the sea level rise and human health. First, temperature rising has been melting the glaciers and polar ice caps, and ice melt is the main driver of global sea level rise. For example, Greenland with 81% of surface covered by ice is melting with catastrophic speed every year. Scientists predict that if haft area of Greenland is broken up and melted, the oceans will inevitably rise enough to sink many cities of the US and nations. Furthermore, warmer oceans and sea level rise will make storms and typhoons more intense. In 2005, hurricane season set records about number and power. One of them is Katrina which is the largest and the most powerful in US history. It took more than 1,800 lives and costed more than $100 billion in damages. In addition, sea rise level is threatening coastal populations in the world, with 0.13 inches risen every year of sea level, it puts 44% of the world's population in danger. Second, climate change has seriously affected human health. Many nations in the world, especially in Africa, do not have enough clean water for daily use because human activities have intervened deeply on ground water and surface water. According to the "An Inconvenient Truth", there have had more than 30 new diseases developed as old ones re-emerged in last 25 years such as Ebola, SARS or Avian flu, and nowadays, we have been suffering from Ebola, bird flu, and Zika. As a conclusion, human activities have been challenging our mother earth in last 50 years, and it will bring severe consequences that our environment, health and biodiversities will be affected seriously. Moreover, if we do not take immediate action, many nations such as Japan and coastal populations across the world will be put in danger due to sea rise level. So instead of finding new places somewhere outside the Earth, we can together protect and give our generations a better place by finding alternative fuel, stop cutting trees, saving natural resources.

Your thesis is too broad in the sense that you are talking about human activities in general. That makes it difficult to discuss your statement of the activity being unimaginable in terms of its effect on climate change. What you have to do is narrow down the human activity in order to zero in one a particular climate change result. An example of a narrowed down thesis for this would be: *Man produces over a million tons of unsegregated garbage per day. This unsegregated garbage fills up landfills with non-biodegradable materials. These materials have been known to have a direct effect on our climate change. One of its major effects being greenhouse gases. Over the course of the next 10 years, the human act of non-segregation of trash will result in a faster erosion of our ozone layer.* The next paragraph can cover this sample discussion: *Non- segregation of trash causes the permeation of hazardous gases in our atmosphere which adds to the toxins that are destroying our ozone layer. At a rate of...* The third paragraph covers: *Basing the erosion of the ozone layer at a rate of 10 percent every year, the mere act of trash non-segregation will result in the following dire effects for our planet...* Then you can conclude your statement in the manner you were taught by your instructor. At this point, it is the narrowing down of the discussion that is important. I have tried to provide you with examples that can guide you in doing that.

**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for chilren. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.** In today's society, television is an essential part of our daily life. Yet it is claimed that watching TV is harmful for our children's development. But, it is my belief that, television is a crucial tool to lead personal as well as academic success for children. From the personal point of view, television plays a vital role to broaden children's horizons. To be more specific, Children know outside even they do not exit from home such as they can obtain information about wild life. Another important benefit is that Children can acknowledge about our environment and about the importance of preserving wild life through watching TV. For instance, many research studies have shown that children who watch TV are less violent to animals. This example makes it clear that Tv makes children more kindly. From the academic side, television offer programs which children can learn alphabet, numbers and also they can recognise colours. It implies that children can easy obtain new knowledge when they study at school. For example, my little brother watch cognitive programs about learning English. Yet, he does not study at school, however he can speak English. It is true that he can not speak as native speaker but he tries. He was interested in English through watching TV. It is evident from this example that Tv encourage children to learning. By way of conclusion, Tv extend children's' outlook and It is also useful to learing. I believe that Tv will bring lots of benefits in the future than more nowadays.

Abdullah, your thought process is very good. You show a clear understanding of the prompt and you are able to defend your stand on the issue even though you are using broken English to do so. That sort of clarity of thought can help you gain an improved IELTS task 2 score. You need to concentrate on developing your written English skills though. Think carefully about the words you want to use and make sure to proof read your work before submission. Don't forget that you are also scored on punctuation and knowledge of English grammar rules. For example, in the middle of one of your sentences, you wrote the word Children with the first word capitalized. Since this word was located within a given sentence, the word should not be capitalized. Only the first word of the start of every sentence, as well as proper nouns are capitalized within a sentence. You also need to lengthen your concluding sentences in order to gain a proper score for that part of the essay. It is too short. Always aim for at least 3 sentences minimum.

***Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes.Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists' attention. Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home. Do you agree or disagree?*** Although developing the space programmes indicates that the country which is concerned to space is rich, the government may help people as many as possible if having much money. I agree with the idea that the money should be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home. Some people argue that the government should use money for welfare. This is because the difference between rich and poor is extending, so it is hard for poor to live in daily life and the power of nation is declining. Administration has the obligation that the difference shrinks and every people can enjoy their life. The United States and the USSR face deficit because of spending money for their space programs too much. On the other hand, the opponent argue that the government ought to promote developing space programmes. Exploitation is meaningful for people to be rich in the future. In fact, mobile phone is available all over the world because there is satellite in space. Achieving space programmes is helping our daily life. However, the government have to spend money noticing the balance between space programmes and welfare. In conclusion, I believe it is useful for many people to be spent on dealing with welfare and medical care. Governments should tackle with their space programmes with energy to spare. (218 words)

Naoki, the essay asked you to agree or disagree with the statement. While you did discuss both sides of the issue in an informed manner, you did not accurately represent your agreement with side that you chose to support. Since an essay normally has 5 paragraphs, the 4th paragraph should have been a defense of the side that you support based upon your personal reasons for choosing this side. That creates a well developed discussion for the essay since all sides are represented in the discussion. Merely saying that you agree with a particular side in the opening statement does not qualify as a complete and valid argument in support of your chosen position. When you revise this essay, and as you write your future essays, keep in mind that you must properly discuss your personal opinion when it is asked for in the prompt. Don't just say "I agree" and leave it at that. A complete essay provides an informed discussion. This essay, only presents a partial discussion. So there is room for improvement if you decide to revise the essay.

***In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?*** There is no doubt that smoking in the public is such a disturbing activity for other people. I firmly agree that smokers should find other places to smoke since this is a respective behavior and it would reduce the risk of people to suffer smoke-related disease. The smokers should have the big awareness when they intend to smoke since the smoke of their cigarette upset other people. They get to realize that in the public, everybody has the same right to do what they wish. It is obviously seen in the crowd place, when a smokers start to smoke, other people around them start to stay away or close their nose because of the uncomfortable feeling caused by the smokers. The respective behavior to leave the building for the smokers who will flame their cigarette is really needed to help their surrounding breath freely. Another reason why the smokers should be banned to smoke in the crowd place as to help inhabitant keep fit without suffering any disease related to the smoke such as lung cancer and asthma. The bad effects of cigarette smoke not only harm the active smokers, but also the passive smokers. In addition, people who already suffer lung cancer or asthma make their disease getting worse when the smokers smoke in the same building with them. The diseases affected by the smoke is one of the worrying effects felt by the citizen, hence the smokers should help to reduce the gradual affect by smoking in the right smoking area. In conclusion, I am completely support in letting the smokers find another place to smoke since it is surely a kind of respective manners towards passive smokers and a risk to suffer smoke related disease will be decreased.

Russel, I am not sure what you mean by the constant use of the word "respective". It does not fit in the overall context of the sentence / paragraph. What exactly are you trying to say? Do you mean that smokers should "respect" non-smokers? If you mean that, then change the word to "respectful" or "respect" depending how you need to use it in the sentence. Those sentences need to be improved in order to clarify your meaning or reasoning. Your conclusion needs to be better developed. It cannot be just a single, long closing sentence. You will lose points for that. Look at the samples here in order for you to get an idea as to how to better conclude your essay. Overall though, you have shown that you understand the prompt and are capable of offering an insightful discussion, based on facts, regarding the topic presented. The proof of your comprehension skills, regardless of the problem with the grammar is sure to earn you some consideration on the part of the examiner when it comes to your final score.

Hello, everybody! English is not my first language and I really need some help to proofread my essay for nursing school. It should address these questions: **1. Describe what high school or undergraduate experiences sparked your interest in the field of nursing 2. Describe a unique event in your life that has left a lasting impression and why this event will help you in becoming a nurse** I would appreciate any suggestions or corrections. Thank you in advance. I believe, nursing is the one of the most rewarding profession in the world. My grandmother was working as a nurse for 40 years at Health resort in Odessa, Ukraine. She was taking care of me as child and I have spent a lot time watching her doing work. I remember her giving people pills and taking vital signs, and administering different procedures such as blood transfusions and EKG. I always dreamed to become a nurse and work at that Health resort. I remember one of the temporally residents had a sore (sort of erythema) on the back and my grandmother let me put and rub in the ointment for her. I gave her a little massage to help relieve the pain. She said that it helps a lot and called me her little angel. I have never seen people look so grateful. I was proud of myself and my heart was filled with joy and happiness. I could not believe that such a small thing make someone so grateful. This was the experience that sparked my interest in nursing. I was 6 years old at that time. When I was 12 my grandmother retired from the Health resort, and keep me dreaming about becoming a nurse. That is why when I got the opportunity to study for nursing I went for it, right away. I moved to New York and started nursing school at Kingsborough Community College, Brooklyn. Unfortunately, I faced lots of difficulties while in nursing school. I failed the first semester no matter how hard I was studying. I was missing 0.02% to pass the class. The policy of school allowed me to retake this class with a grade of B. I was very upset about what happened, but I still wanted to be a nurse. I decided that if I change the strategy I used for studying that it would help. My friend and a fellow student told me about a story of student who failed the first semester, but made it through the whole program. She recommended me the text books that I can use as an additional help. I did my best and passed the class this time. In the middle of second semester my grandmother got sick. I was very nervous about it. We were very close. I did not see her in many years because I was attending school full time and working part time. My grandmother and I kept in touch, I was telling her about my clinical experience and my grandmother explained some things to me. She always supported me and I wanted to help her. The health system is not very well developed in Ukraine. The medications my grandmother needed had to be paid out of pocket, including doctor's visits. I was really stressed and overwhelmed at that moment. I failed my second test and never made it up on the final. My grandmother had a stoke and died seven days after. If not for this these dramatic circumstances I am sure I would graduate from KBCC summer 2017. However, we can not control everything that is happening in life. I can not imagine my life without nursing now. I still believe that I will make it if I try once again. I went for NCLEX course. The course is focusing on complete overview of the NCLEX - RN exam and strategies that help students to answer questions using critical thinking. Also, the course provides students with 50,000 questions for practice. My goal is to do at least 20,000 questions review before I get into new program. I am sure this will make nursing program easer to me and help me towards becoming a nurse. I will be helping people during difficult times. When I am doing something useful to others I feel that my life has a purpose.

Allona, your essay is not responding to the prompt requirements at all. What you wrote is a justification essay and not a personal statement that is aligned with the prompt requirements. Information such as your grandmother becoming ill, your failing nursing school, taking the NCLEX are all unrelated information. None of these are required by the prompt. Let me try to give you some hints as to how to better respond to the prompts. Prompt 1: **Describe what high school or undergraduate experiences sparked your interest...** The response to this prompt would be any sort of volunteer activity related to nursing such as your volunteering your free time to help out at a nursing home, or working part time in a clinical facility as an assistant of sorts. The exposure you had on the job as you watched your grandmother will also qualify, provided you can justify that this happened while you were in high school and indicate some sort of help that you gave her while you were observing her. Prompt 2: **Describe a unique event in your life that has left a lasting impression and why ...** You should develop the following paragraph because it can help you respond to the prompt: *In the middle of second semester my grandmother got sick. I was very nervous about it. We were very close. I did not see her in many years because I was attending school full time and working part time. My grandmother and I kept in touch, I was telling her about my clinical experience and my grandmother explained some things to me. She always supported me and I wanted to help her.* The rest of the information about your failure in nursing school, being unable to graduate, etc. are not required information and should not be read in the essay. Just respond as best as you can to the provided prompt. That tells you what the reviewer wants to read about and should see in the essay. Don't add unnecessary information.

1 introduction, 2 body paragraphs for more details, and 1 conclusion. In the contemporary society, the number of all types of schools even including colleges and universities have significantly increased from the past. People believe this is happening because most of them have realized how important an early education is for their children. Schools are considered to be good places for children to learn creative and new knowledge, and build relationships with others. As what was just said, there are a variety of good reasons for attending schools. Among those reasons, I would like to point out two greatest advantages of schools that can be offered to many individuals, not only just children. They are amazing places to improve your interpersonal skills and to acquire jobs through learning practical or basic academic education. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that schools are perfect institutions for people including children to build strong relationships with others. They are given lots of opportunities to meet new individuals with different thoughts or mindsets as they enter their class rooms. This is really important since interpersonal skills can be improved and thereby students are able to understand and get a better perception of how others think about a particular topic. For example, lots of people probably have experienced a number of interactive class activities usually started by their teachers or instructors. Basically all of them are recommended to form a group and accomplish a given task with others. From this exercise, people will become aware of how to efficiently perform a team work. Some of them might even gain invaluable benefits such as leadership skills. Secondly, parents send their children to schools simply for basic academic education. Schools are known for their generous helping in terms of teaching students about various subjects such as mathematics or history and discovering their talents early in their childhood. If a student shows a great talent at drawing, arts, or designs in an elementary school. He is likely to become a great artist or possibly apply for jobs that are deeply associated with subjects in which he is really interested. Schools are not only good because of those but also teach them practically; therefore, they can start earning money as quick as possible. To sum up, schools are integral part of people' life because interpersonal skills can be significantly enhanced there and basic education can support someone early in their childhood to discover their true talents. What matters the most, however, is the amount of effort each student put into their tasks in order to succeed.

Rick, you have shown a very good understanding of the prompt that was given. The essay you presented followed the format to the letter and in the process, you achieved a well discussed and presented written piece. However, there are a number of grammatical errors present that should be addressed in order to beef up the presentation of the work. In ~~the~~ contemporary society, the number of ~~all types of~~ schools ~~even including~~ , colleges a... Schools are considered ~~to be~~ good places for children to learn ... ~~As what was just said, there~~ THERE are a variety of good ... ~~Among those reasons,~~ I would like to point out THE two greatest advantages ~~of~~ schools ~~that can be~~ offer~~ed~~ to many individuals, not ~~only~~ just children... ... for people , including children ... ... be improved ~~and thereby~~ SO THAT students are able to understand and ~~get~~ GAIN a better perception of how others think ~~about a particular topic~~ . ... interactive class activities usually ~~caused~~ TAUGHT by their teachers or instructors. Basically ~~all of them are recommended~~ THE STUDENTS ARE ENCOURAGED to form a group ... From this exercise, people ~~will~~ become aware of how to efficiently perform AS a team ~~work~~ . ... gain ~~in~~ valuable benefits ... ... to schools ~~simply~~ for basic academic education. Schools are known for their generous help~~ing~~ in terms ... ... those but also teach them ~~practically~~ PRACTICAL LESSONS THAT CAN BE USED IN EVERYDAY LIFE; ... ... schools are AN integral part of people'S ~~life~~ LIVES because interpersonal ... ... and basic education can ~~support~~ HELP someone early in their childhood ~~to~~ discover their true talents. ... however, IS the amount ... each of student putS into their ...

***Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?*** It is often said that salary of the particular company is one of contributing factors making the workers work in the same organisation. In my point of view, there are many other reasons for this trend, such as a comfortable feeling with the colleagues and executive, and the rule applied applied in that company. It is often accepted that being convenient with the co-workers and the boos is is one of main reasons the employees are loyal to work in the same place more than a decade. Working together with their partners helps them to reach their job prospect well. For instance, people who enjoy working in their workplace encourage them to reduce the great pressure on their work even though they face the huge problem. The present of loyal friends and understanding executive in the organisation is the virtual factor to create loyalty of the employees. Rules that are applied in the company are the other aspect that helps the jobholders find their soul to work in the same company. Many kinds of flexible law make the interested in their job, such as retirement funds and the free time or holiday. To illustrate, the organisation who gives their workers the constant holiday can be the way for the employees to spend more time with their family. The given clear regulations by the companies are the great motivation to make the workers comfortable with them. In conclusion, financial reward is not the only part to motivate the employee to be loyal. Humble executives, enjoyable work fellows, and the unburden laws are possible to be the other aspect encourages the people keep working in the same enterprise more than a decade.

Russel, you really are good at developing your reasons in support of a discussion. However, this strength of yours is held back by your improper grammar. Let me help you correct some of those below: It is often accepted that being ~~convenient~~ AT EASE - CONVENIENT MEANS SOMETHING IS EASY. YOUR SENTENCE WANTED TO SAY AT EASE WHICH MEANS RELAXED ... co-workers and the ~~boos~~ BOSS - BOOS MEANS TO CREATE A SOUND THAT MEANS DISLIKE. A BOSS IS SOMEONE YOU WORK FOR OR HEADS YOUR DEPARTMENT. ... are loyal to ~~work in~~ the same place FOR more than a decade. their partners helps them to reach their ~~job prospect~~~~well~~ FULL POTENTIAL. ... their workplace ~~encourage them to reduce the great pressure on~~ FEEL LESS PRESSURE TO ~~their~~ work ... ... face ~~the~~ A huge problem. The ~~present~~ PRESENCE of loyal friends and AN understanding ... ... is the virtual factor ~~to~~ THAT createS loyal~~ty of the~~ employees. ... that helps the ~~jobholders~~ WORKERS find their ~~soul~~ DESIRE to work in the same company. ... flexible lawS make theM interested ... as retirement funds and ~~the free time or~~ holidayS. ...organisation ~~who~~ gives their workers ~~the constant~~ holidayS can ~~be the way for~~ ALLOW the employees to ... ~~The given clear regulations by the companies are the ...~~ - THIS IS AN UNCLEAR SENTENCE THAT DOES NOT REALLY MAKE ANY SENSE IN THE DISCUSSION. ... not the only part ~~to~~ THAT motivateS the employee ..., and the ~~unburden~~ RELAXED EMPLOYMENT laws are ~~possible to be~~ the other aspect THAT encourages the people TO keep working ... enterprise FOR more ...

**In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?** The giant cooperation is getting larger in the city cent re. One of the solutions given by the authority is to relocate their buildings outside the downtown. While this policy would cause several demerits in relocation point, I do believe that moving the industries to rural area has many advantages than disadvantages. Pollution is one of the drawbacks when some industries move to remote area. Innumerable vehicles surely will pass outside the city and the high risk of cars and motorcycles pollution makes the quality of fresh air is hard to be found. The increase of population is another demerit of this issue, and the gradual problem will be the increase of crime rate in rural area same as happened in metropolis. Finally pollution and population will be the possible effects if relocation of business and industries dislocated outside the downtown. Despite this, there are several advantages of moving the giant corporations to remote area. One of the prominent/major benefits is the infrastructure will be developed in regional area such as public transportation and gas station. In addition, displacing big industries to backwater will add many job opportunities for the inhabitants. To illustrate, the local dwellers can apply for a job in the particular organisation that had moved to their place, or even they can make their own job field such as building restaurants and mini markets. Moreover, by taking policy to dislocate industries outside the city centre by the government will ease unbalanced population between the downtown and remote area. All in all, I do believe that the policy maker should displace such a giant industries to regional zones which it can enhance the living standard of the rural inhabitants and increase the economical earnings of those areas.

Russel, you actually crafted your essay in a manner that shows an understanding of the prompt. You were able to discuss, in your own way, the advantages and disadvantages of relocating giant industries. Your reasons are logical and commonly known. However, the paragraphs would have created a better discussion if you had managed to offer more than just an overview of the advantages and disadvantages through a more thorough discussion of the topics you presented. Maybe offering at least 3 discussion sentences as part of each reason. Like i said though, the essay is good enough as it stands, but it could have been better. Also, when you present the essay content, remember to follow the format that the prompt provides it in. Therefore, the advantages should have been presented before the disadvantages. That is because the disadvantage discussion is the main focus of the essay. Being the actual topic means that the disadvantage discussion should have been presented as the stronger discussion towards the middle of the essay. That way your concluding paragraph is better helped by the previous statement. Your conclusion is also too short. Try to make it longer next time by doing an actual summary of the prompt before restating your facts and closing sentence. That is the normal format for a conclusion that should always be followed.

**As the world becomes technologically advanced, modern machines are replacing more and more jobs** In the 20th and 21st century, thanks to the considerable development of technology and technique, robots and machines are gradually replacing to help people on their works. This replacement took a lot of benifits for human. It's easy to realize that the industies such as computer science, textile, heavy industry, medical,... or even agriculture had an excellent advancement. Its effects were undiniale. Types of intelligent robots are helping us a lot: agriculture gets higher productivity, kinds of goods are mass-produced. In medical, robotics in healthcare also impove our life: surgical procision, exoskeletons for the disable,...etc Beside the benifits it took, there were also shortcomings of its. At first, many traditional jobs as cashier, mechanic, typist,... are gradually dissappeared because the appearance of robots might replace them. It's quite hard to find a postman on the street currently. People over the world use E-mail because of the conveniences that it takes. I believe that anyone loooking at my post all own an E-mail. In my opinion, we lost something *traditional*, because we really got used to with the images of a postman roaming on the roads. Anyone who loves the king of sport: football, all knew the appearance of goal-line technology applied from 2014. It's a method used to determine when the ball has completely crossed the goal line or not. This assures for the fair between matches, but it is also lost something *humanity* from human-referees. We cannot deny the benefits of robots and developed-machines. But we have to also admit few consequences of its.

Chau, your essay tries to convey an analysis of a given topic which was not properly developed although properly understood by you. As such, the essay comes across as scatterbrained or lacking in focus. I believe that you wrote this essay using a timer so you just kept on typing without giving any though to the words that you were typing. So the misspelling of certain words ended up making your statements difficult to understand, leaving the reader to piece together that it is that you really want to say. For example that you did not mean to say "undiniale". You meant to say "undeniable." Do you see how your lack of focus on vocabulary use is a weakness when it comes to your writing? There are other similar mistakes that can be found throughout your essay. You also need to learn to use transition sentences in the final parts of every paragraph. If you do not ease your reader into the next paragraph topic, you end up with this kind of essay. Something that does not seem to have a clear direction in terms of discussion. Looking into how you can connect your paragraphs will help you create a more informative essay.

**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.** Language is the key of modern world, we cannot develop only one language in nowadays. I personally agree that learning language is very useful for children when they start at school's time. In the following paragraphs I will list personal, academic and professional sides to support my idea. From the personal aspect, they faster recognize other countries' culture and they can obtain profitable experiences which they will need in life. For instance, the majority part of famous people started learning language very early as a result, they could gain their dreams and they have a lot of friends who live abroad. From the academic side, Learning language early is beneficial to increase knowledge of children. For example, one of my classmate had been learning English since the first class. In the eighth class, he was very intelligence and he could get advantageous information through the strange books. It is evident from these examples that children who know foreign language are known with their knowledge than other children. Coming to professional fact, Children can early absolve from their parents by earning money and they will easily find job if they know foreign languages. One particular decent example of this is that the majority part of employers require this type of youth. This example makes it clear that if children know foreign language, children will not have trouble on finding job. By way of conclusion, learning language in early age is very essential and it bring a lot of benefits for all these sides. I hope that every parents will have children learnt foreign language in the future as years pass.

I am sad to say this but I would score you a 4 using the IELTS scoring band. The reason for such a low score as far as I am concerned, relates to your problems with developing the essay and presenting your thought process. You tried to discuss the task provided but you failed to do so in a relevant manner. It was confusing and inaccurate at some points. The ideas presented lacked coherency and a logical presentation as well. Most importantly, your lack of proper grammar made the essay difficult for me to understand as I read it. As I am sure that this is just one of your first tests, I would advise you not to worry about it. Just keep practicing and you should improve over time. Remember, gaining control or proper use of the English language happens over time. So you just need to be patient and not give up. You will definitely only get better from here.

Cold sore is common disease of human nowadays which caused by herpes virus type-1. Data from WHO shows that 67% adults have herpes simplex type 1. Its seems common and not really dangerous threat for adult but it is a disaster for baby. Body system of babies have not ready enough to battle with this virus. Once they get this virus from interaction especially kissing, the baby will gets the risk to get brain and liver damage. However, we need to keep newborn baby stay away from kissing of people even they look like okay and do not suffering from this illness. Source: cosmopolitan

Fauzan, it looks like the summary is informative but in need of grammar correction in order to make it sound more professional. Let's see if I can help you clean this up. Cold sore is common HUMAN disease ~~of human nowadays which~~ caused by THE herpes virus type-1. Data from THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO) - Always tell the reader the full name of the organization, then place the acronym, and from that point, you can start using just the acronym alone. This is to ensure that the reader knows what the acronym stands for and how it is connected to the article. ... adults have HAD herpes simplex type 1... and not A really dangerous threat for adultS but ~~it~~ is a disaster for ~~baby~~ BABIES. - Be consistent in using either singular or plural form. You can't use both in a sentence. THE ~~Body~~ system of babies ~~have~~ ARE not ~~ready enough~~ PREPARED to battle ~~with this~~ THE virus. ~~Once they get~~ BABIES CAN GET this virus from interaction ~~especially~~ SUCH AS kissing . ~~,~~ THE NEGATIVE HEALTH EFFECTS ON BABIES ARE THE ~~the baby will gets the~~ risk ~~to get~~ OF brain and liver damage. ~~However,~~ THAT IS WHY we need to keep newborn ~~baby~~ BABIES ~~stay~~ away from THE KISSES ~~kissing~~ of people even IF they... and ARE ~~do~~ not suffering from this illness.

**Overweight mothers give birth to biologically older babies** Woman who are obeses while pregnant having impact which related to the their babies healty. There is big corelation between overweight pregnant women and their kids. The effect is their babies ageing 10 years older than normal babies. In addition, the babies sceptible get more deseas from their mother, such as diabetes and atherosclerosis. According to the research, there is corelation between people biologicals and telomeres lingking to the DNA. On the other hand, team of research invent fascinating finding that the babies from overweight women expected 10 years older than the babies from healthy women, it causes that the fat in our body can prompt the inflammation, and give reactive chemicals can threatening cells and shorten telomeres. Source: newscientist.com/article/2109327-overweight-mothers-give-birth-to-biologically-older-babies/

This summary is full of problems. Part of the problem with your work is that you use the wrong terms and descriptions within the essay. I can see that you understand the meaning of the word you want to use. Now, all you have to do is connect the right term with the right meaning. Let me show you those problems: ~~Woman~~ WOMEN (PLURAL FORM)who are obese~~s~~ (THE SINGULAR AND PLURAL FORM ARE THE SAME FOR THIS WORD) while pregnant ~~having impact which related to the their babies healty~~ IMPACT THEIR UNBORN CHILD'S HEALTH. There is ~~big~~ A ~~corelation~~ CO-RELATION between overweight ... is their babies age~~ing~~ 10 years ~~older~~ FASTER than ... babies ~~sceptible get more deseas~~ ARE MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO GENETIC ILLNESSES from their mother,... ... is A ~~corelation~~ CO-RELATION between ~~people biologicals~~ HUMAN ~~BIOLOGICAL and telomeres lingking to the DNA.~~ BIOLOGICAL MAKEUP, TELOMERES, AND THEIR DNA. ... team of researchS DISCOVERED FASCINATING INFORMATION ~~invent fascinating finding~~ that ... women ~~expected 10 years older~~ HAD BABIES THAT AGED 10 YEARS FASTER than the babies ... ~~it causes that the fat in our body can prompt the inflammation, and give reactive chemicals can threatening cells and shorten telomeres.~~ BODY FAT CAN CAUSE INFLAMMATION AND CAUSE AN INTERNAL CHEMICAL REACTION THAT THREATENS CELLS AND SHORTENS TELOMERES. Now, you also have a problem with the way you state the facts in your summary. The original article contains data that is not included, but is very important in this summary. When summarizing factual or data evident work, you must always include the numbers / percentages when you write your summary. These digits help to create a more informative summary and also gives it a more authoritative stance. Since your current work lacks those information, then the work cannot be considered to be an actual informative summary.

Grades that students acquire from exams, assignments, and projects can be perhaps the most important thing for them to decide which university or college they will attend in the future. To perform better in the evaluation from schools, each individual student has to invent his/her unique way of studying. Due to this fact, learning methods vary from students to students to a large extent these days. The various learning methods can largely fall into two categories that are studying alone and doing it with other classmates as a group. Some students prefer studying with others over sitting alone at the desk at a quiet place. There are three compelling reasons why they believe the group study session is more efficient and helpful than studying alone. It helps to increase your knowledge retention, spend less time in material which you have already mastered, and boost your motivation. First of all, the group study session is a very powerful tool for students to improve their knowledge retention. By the meaning of knowledge retention, it is about how long your knowledge lasts in your memory. Students studying as a group, for instance, are often put in a situation where they are expected to explain and paraphrase lecture notes in front of the other classmates. This kind of activity is very influential on their learning since they have more chances to learn or review the lecture notes in different words from each other. As they talk to one another about what and how they understood, confusions about learning material can be considerably minimized by discovering the point of intersection. To put it differently, they are able to precisely find out the key points of any information as a collaborative group and reinforce their ideas. Another great advantage of the group study session, in addition, expands the access to information among classmates. There is always a possibility that students might miss writing down some important concepts on their notes from lectures. Fortunately this problem is easily solved by forming a study group where students feel free to share their lecture notes and knowledge with others. Studying with others, moreover, allows for varied perspectives and creative ideas to be delivered among each other. By this mean, students will eventually end up with expanded access to knowledge and obtaining good source of feedback. Writer's message: This is my first time using this forum for the purpose of improvement on writing. Please, feel free to add your feedback below if you can replace some sentences with better ones. If there are some weird things written on this, I would be glad to know how to fix them. I'm really looking forward to your response and support!

Rick, it sounds to me like you were supposed to write a comparison essay based upon the title that includes versus (vs.) in the title. This implies a comparison is to be done in the essay. Therefore, your essay should have followed the structure as follows: 1 Introduction (that includes your choice or side supported) , 1 discussion paragraph opposing your stand, 1 paragraph supporting your stand, then a summation in the form of a conclusion. In this instance, you only supported one side and thoroughly discussed that aspect of your essay. However, even in a persuasive essay, you need to discuss both sides in order to successfully persuade the reader or, as in this case, present a convincing comparison essay. The overall content of the essay is well discussed and supported. You made a convincing discussion supporting your side. You understood the prompt and knew exactly what you wished to say. Those are the positive aspects of your essay that made it strong. It's weakness, lies in its one sided discussion of the prompt provided.

Dr Tomas is a psychologist who carried out research or almost a decade between people's perception on their abilities and their true abilities to do something in 40 nations across the world. Interestingly, he found there were least relations between confidence and competent. He also pointed out that up to 70% of people is overconfidence. There are two personal benefits of being overconfidence based on recent psychology publications and motivation books. First, it is feel good for people to imagine themselves as an outstanding person and secondly, these misconception may useful to help others. However, Dr Tomas revealed that there are several dire effects of overconfidence such as gamblers and people who miscalculate their ability to pay loans and mortgage. Overconfidence has also linked to several health problems such as people with obesity issue or their addiction on smoking and drinking. Thus, his solution is that people need to maintain their low confidence for the personal advantages and for other's benefit. He added that low confidence is essential factor for people to remains humble and it is also shows their willingness to accept suggestions. Source: youtube..../watch?v=WtjSCoq8pE4&t=284s

... research F or almost a decade ~~between~~ REGARDING people's perception ~~on~~ OF their abilities ... true abilities ~~to do something~~ in 40 nations across the world. ...there ~~were least~~ WAS LITTLE relation~~s~~ between confidence and ~~competent~~ COMPETENCE. ...70% of people ARE ~~overconfidence~~ OVERCONFIDENT. benefits ~~of~~ FROM being ~~overconfidence~~ OVERCONFIDENT based on recent ~~p~~ Psychology publications ... First, it is ~~feel~~ good for ~~people~~ A PERSON to imagine [sthemselves HIMSELF as ... ... these misconceptionS may BE useful ~~to help~~ IN HELPING others. ... are several ~~dire~~ NEGATIVE effects STEMMING FROM ~~of~~ overconfidence ... ... ON PEOPLE such as gamblers and people... Overconfidence ~~has~~ IS also linked ... people with obesity issueS or their addiction ~~on~~ TO smoking ... ... low confidence for ~~the~~ personal advantages and for ~~other's benefit~~ THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS. ... confidence is AN essential factor for people to remain~~s~~ humble...