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The prompt says: These days, more and more people are going to another country for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in the foreign country. ## The life/work outside of the home country Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about living and studying and working overseas. While spending the meaningful periods of time abroad is profitable, especially the young generation, they have to deal with hardship which probably happens. This essay will discuss the profits and the drawbacks of moving to another country. Living abroad has so many positive aspects which are really impressive. The first greatest merit of living and working oversea is to boost the knowledge which is really important for whatever purposes. For example, every year, while the demand of finding the job is increasing, the chance to get the career is enormously decreasing, so to have a good job is not really easy. People go to another country to study and get necessary certifications which are required in the job application. Therefore, people will improve their living standard, with a better life. Secondly, not only is living in the foreign country to boost the knowledge but also it helps people become independent and mature. Living away from family, people need to be able to possess the basic skills which meet their need, for example how to do chores. If they do not know that, they have done research or practice themselves to prepare for their own future simply because they can't rely on anyone. After the periods of time, they are confident and have a guarantee that they grew up and can live alone. On the other hand, living abroad can lead so many disadvantageous problems. Firstly, the most serious problem is that people can't adapt to a new and strange environment. For example, nostalgia is the factor that is able to have a bad effect on human's life, especially the youth who have not been far away from their family can't pay attention to study or work. Consequently, receiving the bad result, they feel tragic because of wasting time and money. Similarly, culture shock is the second dangerous drawback. For example, there are so many differences from language to ways of life. If they can't get used to and keep pace with them, they will isolate themselves from society, which is really hazardous because they will suffer from consequences relating mentality. To conclude, living abroad which has the balance between the positive and negative aspects is not really easy. Personally, I think people need to prepare from strong spirit to knowledge about that country and basic skills before going to the foreign country.

To, towards the conclusion, you used the term "personally" which indicates that you opinion was being asked for in the essay. The prompt you provided did not indicate the need for a personal opinion. Therefore, your conclusion should not have reflected a personal opinion, only a generalized point of view regarding the situation. The overall essay doesn't really have much problems aside from a need for you to learn to use transition sentences in a proper manner. Sometimes, your paragraphs lack a clear thought progression but that is alright because your thought process is clear anyway. That is not to say that you should not practice thought progression though. You absolutely must try to develop a chronological thought presentation in all your essays. This essay shows some more improvement in your essay writing development. I believe that you can score a 5 at the most with this essay. Keep up the good work and try to avoid the mistakes that you made in this particular essay in the future.

Please comment, Please check and correct my mistakes (Grammar and Vocabulary) TOPIC: Although more and more people read the news on the internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree with that statement? ## News Printed and Online Advances in technology have given impact on life of people. Some people believe that despite the widespread popularity of online media, but traditional newspaper still hold the most vital position among news readers. In my perspective, the news on the internet will has become important role than printed newspaper. It is true that have many reasons to attract people read news on the internet. First of all, the news of source is easy access huge storage of news, you only type the keyword and wait for a few seconds. Secondly, online media is quickly update information by hours. In fact, for example terrorist attacks, would be updated immediately on CNN or other online media. By contrast, with process waste time editing and printing, traditional newspaper might not compete with the internet in terms of the updating speed. Besides, one limitation of newspaper is that it can not convey visual messages to people who read news on a regular basis. Meanwhile, online media has allowed you to upload photos, voice records and videos on online websites. For instance, football fans can re-watch their favorite matches anytime they want with only a laptop connected to the internet, which a paper can not do. In conclusion, I absolutely disagree that printed paper would continue to be the role of importance because more and more people will use the internet who will be receive benefits from it.

Dat, your essay is really very confusing to read because you use connecting words where it is not necessary. One example of the misplaced use of connecting words is in your opening statement's sentence #2. When you use connecting words unnecessarily, such as in the instance of the 2nd sentence, you end up writing a sentence that does not make any sense because there is no meaning to it. There is no clear subject and predicate indicated in the developed thought. Therefore, the viewer is left highly confused by what you are trying to say. Next, you took the second paragraph and discussed all of the possible topics for discussion, in support of your statement there. That is never the right approach because you end up just giving information without really explaining how this supports your point of view. When writing an opinion essay, it is not the quantity of evidence that you present, but the quality of the evidence that you present which is important. Delivering one ore two properly explained and developed stands for your discussion will be more than sufficient. However, these need to be delivered as highly developed individual paragraphs and not as a continuous paragraph discussion. Aim for at least a 4 paragraph discussion presentation at all times. Finally, the conclusion you developed is too short. Always stick to the required minimum of 3 sentences and make sure that you accurately summarize the previous discussion for the conclusion. You did an acceptable job with your conclusion. It would have been better though if you had presented at least 3 sentences in it for a higher possible overall score.

Fastfood is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular.Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinion in this? ## Traditional Cooking is Better Nowadays, with the striking development of economy, people have changed their lifestyle so much when compare to the others in the past. One of these changes is fastfood which is more and more popular in every country. Although this is cheap and convenient for officers and people who do not have enough time to cook, it brings many problems with we cannot guess. First of all, these days, in everywhere, we can easy to find fastfood stores such as KFC, Lotte fried chicken,.... It's the best way to eat the meal which is save time, cheap and also very delicious. However, using fastfood regularly is harmful for health because it contains a great deal of fat. Gradually, people will get some serious diseases include hypertension, increasing blood lipid, and even diabetes. These illnesses are very hard to therapy and also cost of large of money, so it damages to the happiness of among people and the economy of every country. Secondly, whereas people is used to eat fastfood, they do not want to learn to cook anymore. As the result, the fewer people can cook, the fewer traditional foods we can keep. If no one thinks about it, traditional foods will be disappeared forever one day. Finally, in the oriental, family meal is very special. It's a good chance to meet all the member in family. If fastfood becomes more and more popular, our traditional meal will be changed forever. After that, we will continuously lose many things which we can not imagine. By the way of conclusion, although fastfood is cheap and convenient, among people have to decide themselves what they will do to protect their tradition. For me, cooking traditional foods is the best way to do it.

Phong, you have a very solid opening statement. It gives the reader the idea that you are actually responding properly to the prompt requirement because you delivered an almost grammatically accurate representation of the original topic for discussion and the method by which you have to discuss it. As i rad your essay, I noticed that you used the name of a fast food restaurant that is exclusive to your area of the world. I suggest that you do not do that in your succeeding essays. As the examiner may or may not be familiar with certain things based upon your home country, it is always best for you to use more popular and international examples that most people might be familiar with. For example, aside from KFC, you could have used McDonald's, Wendy's, and Burger King, among others as examples of fast food restaurants. As for your conclusion, it could have been better written if you did not say "By way of conclusion" and instead said "In conclusion" instead. Also, a better wrap up of the essay is necessary since you are required to properly restate the discussion, reasons, and personal opinions yet again. Your conclusion did not accurately do that and also, came up very short in the minimum 3 sentence requirement for these essays.

## TOP 7 STEPS TO MAKE YOUR INTERNET OF THINGS MORE SECURE I.INTRODUCTION The Internet of Things or IoT is a favorite topic in the Information Technology industry. Miniaturization, cost, and the "maker" community are driving the use of small, low-cost computing devices in software, hardware, industrial and home use cases. A.The expanding number of devices connected to private and public networks is changing the way those information technology professionals look at the scale of these systems. B.How these devices will interact with each other, existing systems, and people will affect how companies do business as well the daily lives of consumers. II.THE FIRST STEP YOU CAN TAKE IS TO CONTROL OF THE NETWORK. A.If you isolate the network that your IoT devices reside you can limit your exposure to infection and intrusion. B.One method you can use to control IoT network access to limit IoT devices to their own network segment. Only devices that need to contact each other directly should be able to communicate. C.Always use an intermediary when allowing devices to communicate. III.THE SECOND STEP IS TO SECURE THE COMMUNICATION. A.Place your IoT devices on their own network. B.Remove connectivity to the rest of the connected personal devices in your home. IV.THE THIRD STEP IS TO GUARANTEE THE RECIPIENT OF THE COMMUNICATION THROUGH CERTIFICATES. A.A certificate is the guarantee of secure connectivity to an individual device. B.Certificates are the foundation of secure communication. V.THE FOURTH STEP IS TO ENSURE AN UPDATE PATH FOR THE LOCAL DEVICE SOFTWARE. A.Open source software allows many people to ensure the quality of code. B.Small but significant contributions can increase the iterations of software. VI.THE FIFTH STEP IS TO WHITELIST DEVICE INBOUND COMMUNICATION. A.Rather than allowing any communication, restrict commication to specific commands and valid data entries. B.An example includes a light only having the ability to communicate with other lights in the same ecosystem. VII.THE SIXTH STEP IS TO WHITELIST DEVICE OUTBOUND COMMUNICATION. A.The IoT devices should be limited through proxy to prevent aces to external resources. This limits the ability to act aggressively against outside devices and to prevent personal data leakage. B.Ensure limits on the types of external data transmitted. VIII.THE SEVENTH STEP IS TO TREAT THE IOT DEVICES AS UNTRUSTED. A.Do not allow unrestricted communication and access to IoT devices. B.Prevent data transmission between unrelated devices. IX.REGARDLESS OF COMMERCIAL OR HOME BASED IOT, THESE STEPS WILL REDUCE THE POSSIBILITY OF SECURITY THREATS. A.Security is the baseline required to make IoT usable before we can relinquish control of our homes and offices. B.With these concrete steps, IoT can reach the security threshold to balance security and flexibility.

Roy, your steps 2 and 3 are redundant. If you read the outlines very well, you will discover that you merely restated the same information in different methods twice. It does not add new information nor expand upon the previous information. You may want to rethink that part of the outline to offer some other information related to the security of the IoT. The topics that you have outline for discussion in the 4th to last outline are better suited for the discussion and avoids redundancies. So those paragraphs can be developed in your research with more efficiency than numbers 2 and 3. The information is delivered in a clear and understandable manner at this point. It is not so technical that only computer experts can understand what you are saying. It is understandable to even those with a limited computer background. Anybody who has a computer or an android phone will understand what the essay is about.

I would be thankful if you can take a look at my essay. It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. Please let me know... -Is it correct grammer ? -Is it enough supporting sentences ? -What else should I do to develop my ideas ? ------- Children are the most precious things on Earth. They will form the future and it is parent's duty to provide the best environment for their raising. Therefore, it may be better for the children to be raised in the countryside, because it offers better environmental conditions, especially, with regard to health, security, and human-relations. While air pollution such as traffic fumes, burning coal for power stations are some of the problem troubling many big cities, the countryside offers good air quality. Furthermore, while living in the countryside natural food without preservatives is often available, providing children with a well-balanced diet for their needs and health. In addition to good air and good food, children living in the countryside have more chances of playing outdoor games, developing good physical health. Another aspect to take in consideration, when choosing whether it's better to grow up your children in a big city or in a rural area, is in terms of security. The first prospect of this is criminality and, in the countryside children are less likely to be faced with it. Above all, in a small community children can feel that everybody is a friend, when they are in a big family they feel protected, and they feel beloved. To sum up, it can be better for children to grow up in the countryside although there are several disadvantages such as distance, better education, and social life including going theatres, museum, and so on. However, the place which is as wonderful as paradise does not exist in the real world. The important thing is that we should consider children's feelings and emotions to understand what they really want.

Pirfena, when you write a TOEFL essay, you are expected to present your discussion in a particular paragraph format. Your essay doesn't follow the required presentation that requires you to do the following: 1. Present the paraphrased topic statement and instructions for the discussion in the succeeding paragraphs. You may state your agreement or disagreement in this part of the essay. 2. Discuss the dissenting / opposing / disagreeing opinion using the first person pronouns "I, me". 3. Discuss the supporting opinion as per the prompt reasoning. 4. Discuss your personal opinion that agrees with the aforementioned opinion. 5. Conclude the discussion by presenting the summarized facts and a repetition of your opinion. One of the problems that I saw in your essay is your tendency to discuss more than one reason per paragraph. As a rule of thumb, you are to present only one discussion per paragraph because you only have 5 sentences with which to defend your stance. Any additional reasons should be presented in a separate, fully developed paragraph. You must not present more than one opinion per paragraph because that results in an under developed paragraph or confusing paragraph if your command of the English language is not strong. That will cause stress for the reader, who may get confused and in the process, lower your possible score.

**As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done tackle this increasingly common problem?** ## Cars and Pollution There is no doubt that global warming is the primary problem that world is facing today and pollution is the main cause of it. Pollution is directly proportional to the number of cars each individual is using today. In this I will provide some solutions along with the examples. The main source of pollution is the harmful gases like Carbon monoxide etc. which emits from the vehicle. These gases then pollute the environment and cause death threatening diseases. This is problem because today the number of car is rapidly increased in many cities. As every individual commute to the office by their own car. For Instance, Delhi newspaper reported that in recent three years 40 percent more cars are running on the roads and subsequently pollution is also gained momentum in parallel. This problem can be solved if people start sharing their car and then individuals who are working in same company go by the car pooling option. As a result of this, there will be less number of cars running on the road and which consequently reduce the pollution. Number of cars on road also increases the chances of traffic along with pollution. Therefore to solve this issue, it is importance that individual should also use the public transport alternatively which is very convenient and cheap today. In this they will do the personal savings and also help the environment. For Example, The government of Delhi started the odd/even rule in the city i.e. alternatively odd and even number cars will run on the road. This had an immense impact on the pollution level in positive manner. Thus, government of respective cities should also provide the solutions which will help in minimizing the pollution in environment. In conclusion, pollution is not a problem which is insurmountable it can be controlled if every individual contribute towards the society by choosing the car pool option and also use public transport frequently. It is also the responsibility of government to take strict measures in protecting the environment.

Mayank, save for a number of grammatical problems related to sentence structure and lexical resources, you have presented a somewhat impressive essay. The prompt paraphrasing and discussion presentation in the first paragraph is very acceptable and allowed the reader to gain a sense of what to expect as per your upcoming discussions. You seem to have a problem with the use of capital letters though. You often use it in the wrong areas of the sentences. Just remember that only the first letter of a word at the start of a new sentence needs to be capitalized. Everything else after that, unless considered a proper noun, need not capitalize the first letter of the word. Your discussion is sound and does not cause the reader too much stress. Your English sentence structure is simple enough to get your message across accurately. You should be proud of the work that you did here. I think it can easily score a 5 with this kind of essay.

## Internet - blessing or a curse? Nowadays, with the striking development of technology, special is the Internet. It has impacted to the life-style with people all over the world. In my opinion, it is great change so that people can be closer. By the Internet, loved ones can meet together although how distance far they are, it's so great if we can see and hear the voice of our family when they far million and million of km to us. By the Internet, we can look at everything all over the world such as famous places, sight-seeing landscape, special festival, etc... Admittedly, we also can stay at home and learn every lesson from school . It's very suitable for disability and people who are too busy to come to school. Then, through the Internet, people are saving a vast amount of money when they can live in Vietnam and do a business in America which is very easy. However, Internet is place for illegal activities such as buy and sell weapons, illegal trade, blackmail, etc...So, among government and people have to control closely to protect themselves and use the Internet right. By the way of conclusion, Internet is the most important thing in the modern life. We need to control it to make our life more comfortable.

Phong, please provide the complete original prompt so that your essay can be accurately reviewed based on all the band criteria. Thank you.

**topic: Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations. Others think that it is practical aid and advice that is needed. Discuss these views and give your own opinion.** ## Help for poorer world areas In today's world, international support plays an essential part for the progress of developing countries. While some people claim that it is more realistic for global organizations to supply these countries with money. Nonetheless, from my perspective, practical aid and advice is more vitally important for developing countries than financial aid. On the one hand, financial assistance can be such a driving force for countries with difficult conditions to thrive. It is inevitable that developing nations have to struggle with the shortage of revenue annually. National budget does not have enough financial resources to promote residents' life as well as motivate the social developments. Therefore, funding from global organizations helps governments tackle the issue of lacking money, meaning that the authority will have more chances to rebuild their nation without concerning about financial difficulties. Thanks to the contributions of world organizations, poor countries can utilize the huge amount of money to improve living standard of residents. It is obvious that the support from all over the world will certainly give rise to numerous positive impacts on many sides of poor nations, ranging from economics to commercial. Moreover, financial aid can be used to boost the quality of education and health-care system and some aspects that have low quality. On the other hand, practical aid and advice is more necessary and beneficial for those nations with impoverished background. Simply because practical aid and guidance from specialists and researchers throughout the world has a long-term effect for poor countries to thrive. For instance, in many countries in parts of Africa, local civilians have to live below poverty line due to the lack of food and fresh water. The life, however, has become better because of volunteers from developed countries, who have come to these areas with updated machines to help some Africans the way to produce more food and have more water. In addition, volunteers also provide medicines for difficult places where people have to confront with the outbreaks of severe diseases. Practical aid such as methods to plant or produce food have been taught by foreigners are valuable to the developments of difficult nations. Volunteers also teach children, who do not have ability to read and write, so that they themselves can change their poor lives by their true talents and make contributions to their countries. It is clear that financial help only supports these nations in short-term period, while they need a long-term plan to prosper without the dependence on financial aid. In conclusion, even though financial help can make poor nations develop economically, I believe that money is limited. It is better for nations with low quality of life to be equipped with some real tools. As all we know, the prosperity of the nation leans on people and their skills will help to change their country, not because of money from other countries.

Linh, your opening statement is incomplete as you did not properly represent that your opinion will be discussed in the body of the essay as indicated by the prompt requirement. In the outline of the opening statement, you need to present the paraphrased topic along with the instructions for the body paragraph discussion. Therefore, the two points of view plus your personal opinion should have comprised the outline in paragraph one. Towards the end, your opinion should always be presented as a stand alone paragraph and never as a part of the concluding statement. The concluding statement should not contain anything more than the summarized body of discussion and a restatement of your personal opinion. New information cannot be included in a concluding statement as it is normally used to closed the essay. Hence, there is no space to fully develop additional information if it is presented in that section. Overall, this essay looks like it can garner you a 4 as a final score. The score is based upon my above observations.

*With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction.* ## the importance of animals protection The number of animal species in danger is rising rapidly as their habitats are destroyed and some are even driven to the point of extinction. This is the result of deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting. Personally, I agree that it is vital to protect animals and measures must be taken to tackle this problem. There are reasons why protecting animals is crucial. Firstly, we live in a world where together all species make up this delicately balanced ecosystem and the disappear of any animal species might cause a chain reaction on the entire system, including humans. For example, many of our crop plants rely on pollinating birds and mammals to produce seeds. And the decline in these animals would result in decrease in our food supply. Secondly, a great diversity of animal species can act as a source of art and entertainment, enriching human lives. For example, the peacock with its colorful tail, a great inspiration to humans, has been reflected in art and literature of many cultures. Solutions must be applied to solve this problem. One step is government must eliminate corruption and ensure fair enforcement of forest and wildlife conservation policies. By strictly enforcing these preservation laws, rules and regulations, deforestation and illegal hunting can be limited. Another step is the promotion of building sustainable and environmentally friendly cities that embrace safe habitats and environmental conditions for animal species. For example, such economy based on sustainable environment such as investment in green infrastructure, green public transportation, and renewable energy should be encouraged. Further more, individuals must be educated to be aware of their responsibility for protecting threatened animal species. People can choose to buy recycled paper and sustainable products like bamboo, which can contribute to protect forest animal species. In conclusion, I totally agree that it is crucial to protect animals and solutions must be implemented to tackle this issue.

Lam, aside from the almost plagiarized presentation of the prompt discussion in your opening statement, you have written a well developed essay that shows an understanding of the prompt requirements and a definite opinion regarding the discussion you were asked to present. With that said, I have to caution you about the problem with your paraphrased opening statement. The first paragraph of the essay is meant to test your TA abilities. As such, you are expected to deliver your own version or understanding of the discussion provided. The way that you wrote your version of the topic for discussion is still too similar to the original and also follows the same speech pattern. That makes it a very weak paraphrasing which, in the end, could affect the TA score in a big manner. Please do your best to totally change the prompt discussion presentation in your next practice test. That is the only way to assure yourself of a high TA score from the very start of the essay. Your discussion is high appropriate and shows a strong English background. Aside from mistakenly starting a sentence with the word "And" when there was no previous idea or opinion to attach to it, the essay proves that you have the ability to create complex sentences in an intermediate sort of way. Make sure to review the written grammar rules as this is a proven weak point for you at this point. Don't start sentences with "And" or "Because". The conclusion must also be strengthened in your next test. Make sure to develop at least 3 lines for the closing statement as the required minimum is 3 with a maximum of 5 sentences. Properly summarizing the discussion at the end will help to further increase the TA and GRA score of the overall essay. Don't just restate your opinion. Remind the reader of the important aspects of the discussion first. Overall, the strength of the discussion that you developed could easily earn you a score of 5 for the TA and GRA with a 6 for the rest of the test requirements (LR, C&C).

It's an essay on one thing to send to another plant to represent the human race. I'm not loving it so far; any suggestions? ## What Represents the Human Race? Flowers are something I feel we all take for granted. In most places, they are so common that it is easy to go on day by day not taking in all the beauty and everything it represents. However I believe that these flowers that are found so easily represent us humans perfectly. Flowers come in so many shapes and sizes, but even if they may look similar, every flower has something unique and creates different moods that no other has; just like humans. Some are poisonous or cause allergies, as not all humans are good intentionally or not. Every flower is beautiful, but deciding which is the most beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. They also need nurture, and care in the right conditions for it to grow successfully. When many flowers come together, they create something beautiful, and although humans have caused catastrophic events to earth, life and all it has to offer is something words cannot describe. I don't know one single person who hasn't gone through something difficult, but it has helped them become who they are today. Flowers are similar in that they may have gone through heavy winds, rains, or floods but it has allowed them to become stronger once they've grown. For these reasons, if I had to pick one thing to represent the human race to an outside planet, I would choose a flower as it shows both the good and bad that we humans have to offer.

Jenny, this is not a bad first attempt at a draft. The idea of sending a flower to another planet is interesting. However, you should not just say "flowers" or "flower" in general. Each flower, as you describe, is just like a human being, with different personalities, features, and purposes for its existence. So, if you want to better focus the essay in order to make it more meaningful, choose a series of flowers to send that you feel share human traits or describe human beings. Don't generalize the approach because the aliens will not have any idea that flowers are different from one another. We know that, but they don't. So you should either pick a set of flowers and name them or, pick one flower that you feel best represents the human race. In my opinion though, since man is a helpful species, I would not send flowers but plants instead. That is because plants represent the good in man. For example, I would send an Aloe Vera plant because has healing purposes like a human doctor. As such, it would help to explain a few human traits such as being a healer and giving life. It gives life because it its leaves can be eaten, thus giving man life sustenance. A cactus plant, can represent both the good and bad in man because when threatened, it can cause injury. When dealt with properly, it offers water and relief to the thirst person. Or something like that. I think plants would better describe humans than flowers in another planet. That is just a suggestion for your consideration. A good effort overall though. I just think it should be better directed than this in terms of discussion.

Could anybody review and correct it for me? Thank you very much! **Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?** ## Easy access to smartphones Nowadays, technological advances has improved many older or replace outdated inventions. These changes includes enabling cell phones to access the Internet. Many considers it useful for communication and hand these smart phones to children, mostly at school age. This - however - is very harmful to children and can cause serious damage if children are not properly guided. Firstly, if children are given access to these smart phones at school age, it may interfere with the students' ability to study effectively. Since these phones can connect to the Internet, students might get distracted by games and online videos. For instance, a student who fell victim to the distractions of the Internet may receive grades that are worse than their usual performance. This is why parents should not give children access to smart phones at an early age since it distract children away from learning. Secondly, children can be tempted to use these phones in a long period of time which can cause damage to their eyes. Without proper monitoring, they can spend hours online reading, playing games or watching videos. In several cases, the children's' eyesight were severely damage and sometimes, the damage proves irreversible. Many of my classmates would spend hours at night online or just staring at the bright smart phone screens for a prolonged period of time. The consequence was not pretty as nearly every one of them had has their phones confiscated and must wear glasses. Finally, some would argue that smart phones could grant children an easy way to communicate. But the same would hold true for much cheaper cell phones that cannot access the Internet. The main function of communicating with others is basically the same with every phones so there are no reasons for parents to waste money on an expensive smart phone that their children can easily abuse. In general, I disagree with parents who gives children smart phones because of all the distractions, eye damage and the fact that regular phones can also be used to communicate. There is no reason for parents to waste such a large amount of money on cell phones for children at such a young age.

Hai, you misunderstood the prompt instructions and as such, delivered a related but inadequately presented essay discussion of the topic. This misrepresentation caused your score to fall to a 3. The explanation for this is simple, you were asked to discuss which point of view you believe is better. Instead, you discussed the harm and damage that cellphone use can cause children. What you should have done in the opening statement, was depict which point of view you supported and then explained why in the succeeding paragraphs. If you review your essay, you will find that you did not accomplish the task properly. For some reason though, your conclusion managed to get back on track in the proper discussion of the prompt requirements. The problem, is that the discussion did not belong in the conclusion and your earlier paragraphs already created the mistaken discussion that caused the low score.

## ways to broaden children horizons It is reported that many children always wastes time playing computer games and watching TV more than children spends a little hour on housework. Therefore, advanced needful parents a lot of soft skills their children by parents instruction children to make a daily work, children can self -explore and problem- solving skills of yourself. For every individual, task around the house a lot of advantage for children. There are three benefits everyone can see, first of all, express their love and learn how to share work with their parents. In your free time, children have seen a work daily of your mother, children are in the imitate habit your mother. For example, in the weekend children may help with the mother by sweeping the floors... this is an action that they have help children relax after study and children was a good build relationship with your family. The second benefits, not spend much time watching TV or playing computer games, children contribute to saving energy, only watching TV to fix the time of parents. Finally, prepare for their future life and gain experience children know to make housework, parents will feel secure about his children's. For example, when parents missing from home they can self-conscious to take care of your self. To sum of, children had better do housework chores this is skills plays an important role in our life. In the other hand, When children household chores at that moment the kids we will develop the confidence and ability to complete one's mission, It is necessary for help family to do put away toys, wash the dishes. so children may create a happy atmosphere in the family. Children have been trying to practice more clever skills of yourself. Children a great opportunity manual worker at around the house of your family such as empty the trash, dust the furniture, sweep the floor. The children skills are wonderful of your life. Besides, this is learning opportunity the combination of cardinal number and readability when to a workhouse. For example, the mother a teacher to learn to count or learn a new vocabulary in a work daily. In conclusion, children are always helpful to increase. Parents need to errand for children should not too heavy to do workhouse or in all the firm's to work children to make task around the house is negligent spoils furniture, parents have the amiable attitude on their children and to teach the children next time have carefully.In other opinions that children should not do house the chores because children can not concentrate on my studies, if children made housework, children will have to bad learn's. Thus, children had better learn a lot of skills of your life, and not only increase knowledge real but also the most superior ways to broaden the children horizons.

Huynh, I am very sad to tell you that the only score this essay can get is 1 in the actual TOEFL test. The reasons for this are numerous. The first is the confusing presentation of the paraphrased prompt requirements in your opening statement. A native English speaker, the examiner in this case, will develop a case of undue stress based upon your questionable response to the prompt requirement and thoroughly problematic English sentence development. Your grammar does not make sense in most instances and thus, does not help to develop an explanation for your purpose. Additionally, you did not properly represent the prompt requirement that dictates that you agree or disagree with the statement first, then provide examples. The opinion should have been delivered no later than the beginning of the second paragraph. In this instance, there was no opinion coming from you at all. So, based upon the grammar problems and formatting problems, as well as a clear lack of English understanding, the essay cannot be given a passing mark at all.

*hello everyone, this is my first post and my writing. please correct me and advise me.* ## Globalization and lost identity It is a well known fact that previously accepted traditional beliefs are ignored by people of the twenty first century. There are inevitable consequences of globalization and system corruption. In this essay, the impacts of globalization and system failure, and the ways to tackle their effects will be discussed. To start with, globalization, which means that rapid and easy accessible of information, news, and culture, fashions, behaviours, ways of thinking from countries to countries, tempts young citizens to break their norms. In other words, they are reluctant to obey their parents' talks, become more materialistic and less religious than previous decades. As mentioned above, it is an undeniable fact that the situation is challenging for every modern country, and so, trying to improve the cultural value by using the benefits of globalization such as promoting one's cultural norms in social media would be the best approach. To do that, the government should arrange to broadcast TV programmes regarding the tradition, as an example. Another big problem is system corruption. The failed system makes people's morals bad, as a result, most people today do not feel ashamed as they did in the past, for instance, students in this century are very easy to commit theft in the examination room. Although it would be difficult to correct the problem, it is possible to find a solution by a concerted efforts by both the government and the public such as enacting laws, enforcing laws and so on. To conclude, although losing cultural beliefs is inevitable issue in modern countries, it is my contention that it has to be tackled by legislation. In my opinion, it is important for every citizen to value and maintain their traditional cultures and norms.

Phone, the only score that this essay can get as an IELTS discussion topic would be a 3 due to your lack of English comprehension. the discussion that you presented does not follow the prompt requirements at all. The evidence of your lack of understanding of the prompt requirements rests in the way that you misrepresented the paraphrased topic and instructions for discussion. You somehow turned a discussion about cultural values into a discussion about globalization and system corruption. Cultural values have nothing to do with globalization. It is this confusion that you had regarding the prompt discussion that caused the failing score of your essay. Since you are still practicing your essay writing abilities, it is important that you take the time to fully understand the prompt requirements. Do not begin writing unless you are absolutely sure that you understand the question being asked. If you feel uncertain, ask clarification questions. Do these things during the practice sessions a few times. Don't forget to keep reading in English so that you will develop your comprehension skills.

**TOPIC**: Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? ## The broad interest issue Climate change has become an issue of broad interest to the general public. Some people believe that it would be better to devise some solutions to get along well with climate change. From my perspective, finding a wide range of measures to curb this risky phenomenon is more practical. On the one hand, there are various reasons why it might be considered beneficial to deter climate change. The first reason is taking control on climate change will lead to a better living conditions. As all we know, this dangerous phenomenon may give rise to the shift in temperature and has a detrimental impact on life's quality such as the scorching weather in some areas. Therefore, if citizens minimize the influence of climate change on the Earth, this will contribute to a more ideal place to reside without suffering from its consequences. Another reason is there are a variety of simple measures to fight against this problem. For instance, local residents can cut down on power used on a regular basis or try to utilize public transport. The authority can launch environmental campaigns to boost residents' awareness about using alternative energy in place of non-renewable power. It is not easy to solve climate change instantly, but we can mitigate its negative effects and decrease its increasing speed. On the other hand, there are numerous downsides when people withstand climate change. The first consequence is inhabitants may confront with the fluctuation in weather and temperature. People can, even though, survive in changing environment, they have to undergo the rigorous weather everyday. There are also various detrimental impacts on people's health and natural environment such as skin cancer, deforestation and the extinction of many species. Living with climate change means that no one try to contend with it. As a result, climate change tend to become worse and worse without any solutions. It is inevitable that living with climate change introduces people a temporary plan, while people needs a permanent plan to deal with the increasing problem. In conclusion, it is clear to me that we must address the problem of climate change and I disagree with those who argue that we can find ways to live with it.

Linh, the approach to this essay is one that requires you to pick only one side and discuss / defend it within the essay discussion you are presenting. Your opinion, in agreement or disagreement must be chosen and represented towards the end of the opening statement. The keyword "agree" or "disagree" with the statement provided needed to be clear by using the keyword. Since the discussion that you presented in the paraphrasing portion, also known as the first paragraph, did not accurately represent the side you are supporting via a simple statement such as "I agree with the statement to a certain degree for a number of reasons." or "I disagree with the statement based on a number of factors.", the rest of the essay was then affected and represented the discussion in an incorrect manner. The reason your discussion became incorrect, is because you ended up discussing the two sides of the matter, and then offering an unsupported opinion and dissent in the concluding part of the essay. These discussion movements are not within the required discussion presentation of your essay. The whole discussion then became faulty when compared to the original prompt. This resulted in a score of 3 for the overall essay. You have to understand, once you fail the task accuracy portion, it will be extremely difficult for you to increase your scores in the remaining criteria.

**In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?** ## The consumption of domestic or foreign goods? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Nowadays, consumers are more likely to make a food products from foreign countries choice than domestic ones. While there are various reasons for this trend, some initiatives could be taken to increase buyer's demand for local food. There are two mains reasons, in my opinion, why an increasing number of people tend to purchasing food imports. Firstly, the development of international trade has become easier for purchasers to access to foreign food products. As a result, they can choose between several products and find the one they like the most. Secondly, consumers would prefer purchasing food imports because of their quality. When foods are being imported, their quality is always checked an d only the best products end up on the globe market so this would help the buyers could believe in quality of imported food. In Vietnam, for example, importing agricultural products must undergo testing and also include expiration dates, and food safety standards. The government should take some measures to boosting the consumption of domestic commodities effectively. The first solution is that government could impose a higher tax on the importation to reduce the demand. By raising tax, people's pockets are affected directly, thus they would increase their desire for more indigenous food. On an individual level, food manufacturing companies should assure their consumption of food that is higher for fresh, natural and organic products. In other words, if a supplier tried to sell healthier food, people would show more willingness to increase their spending on the local foods. In conclusion, the causes for consumers' change of preference for food are varied; and government and producers could do a lot to promote them to buy local products. #279words

Nguyen, your opening statement falls short of the examiner's expectations. You failed to properly develop the paragraph by showing a clear paraphrasing of the prompt and the outline for the discussion. Your short, 2 sentence presentation does not effectively introduce the upcoming discussion. Next time, make sure to review the prompt requirements against your opening statement. Ensure that all of the required elements are represented properly and that the discussion outline is clear. By the way, you don't need to place a period between paragraphs. A simple line break using the enter key will be sufficient. You could lose points for misplaced punctuation marks. Just write the essay as you would normally write a paper for school. Your line of reasoning is appropriate and informs the reader in a proper manner. There are definite problems with the grammar that has a definite effect on your grammar range score but the fact that the meaning somehow comes across clearly helps to improve your score in that section. However, your concluding statement is a different case. A concluding statement just simply be a summation of the discussion. That said, your conclusion must represent the prompt discussion requirements, your reasons, and then your suggestions for how to solve the problem. It should also have a minimum of 3 sentences, like the opening statement. So your final paragraph was not able to help boost your essay in terms of the final score. I think you won't get higher than a 5 for this essay.

*Many people believe that formal " pen and paper" examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.* what is your view of examinations? ## Measuring Educational Progress - Pen and Paper Examinations Pen and paper examination has been a very convenient method for measuring intelligence and assessing educational achievement in many places, well this cannot always be true and in this essay I will argue this opinion that is not the usual case. People think that a simple written exam can actually help to assess the educational achievement and can be considered a good tool to measure intelligence by arguing that multi-task exams can actually show these hidden abilities and uncover the weakness points as this conventional method has approved its reliability throughout years. On the other hand, as time develops, system and technology becomes more sophisticated and most of the original ways are useless in dealing with this new era of development, experts now see that we can't count on an old-fashioned ways to test the ultimate abilities of students and to measure their actual qualification using pen and paper testing, ignoring that many of skills cannot just be shown on a simple written exam. As the quote says "tell me and I'll forget, show me and I might remember, engage me and I'll understand". Therefore "Pen & Paper" assessment method can be considered as more boring and less productive way of development and training technique, while kids and students need to spend more time in camps and labs doing actual researches using "Trial & Error" technique in removing their fears and verify the information they studied and memorized. However, it would be hard to develop such awareness in developing countries and teachers may find it difficult to control young students in dangerous experiments or rely on them as they still kids. In conclusion, as we grow we need to develop our way in evaluate the outputs of the process of teaching if we want to raise a generation that isn't only trained by pen and paper exams, getting them motivated to be taught and increase the level of challenge every time they pass specific stage, this is how we can raise them stronger.

Maya, as a discussion essay, I believe that this can garner you a score of about 6. That is because your overall discussion shows a clear understanding of the prompt requirements and the various discussions that surround the given topic. While the grammar is not perfect, it allows the reader to understand your message in a somewhat accurate manner. The examples provided are logical and helps to illustrate your grammar accuracy skills. However, there is a problem with your format. The opening statement is too short and the closing statement is just one long sentence. Both must be comprised of at least 3 sentences. So do not use comma's to separate your thoughts, use periods instead. So, even though you wrote 333 words, it did not help because you did not follow the formatting requirements that would have benefited from the increased word count. That said, you still did a pretty good job and could score a bit higher than just passing in this instance, all things considered.

These days studying abroad are becoming commonplace in many country all around over the globe. While I agree that this type of learning brings about a range of benefits, I also have to agree that there are noticeable drawbacks to go to another country for studying. To begin with, undoubtedly, studying in a foreign country is a golden opportunity. Firstly, living abroad can help broaden students' horizons. In particular, overseas students are, obviously, exposed to different cultures, customs, and especially, languages. These are precious experiences which generously contributing to the growth of a particular person. Moreover, they, people who studying overseas, would become more independent in both psychological and financial perspectives. Thus, these learners seem, in general, more mature than those who do not go abroad for studying. Conversely, these students, undeniable, have to cope with many difficulties by varying degrees. The first thing to mention here is language barrier. Studying in a foreign language is academically challenging unless there are prior preparations. Hence, most learners tend to choose an English-speaking country rather than others. Moreover, living alone in an unfamiliar culture can cause homesickness, which play a major part in loneliness and inefficient studying. Overall, the main conclusion to be drawn is that studying overseas create a lot of minus but it is, in my opinion, worth trying. Provided neither your family is impoverished nor you are extremely bad at languages, studying abroad should be on top of your decisions. please give me some feedback about my writting. thanks :)

Dang, supply the full prompt for this essay please as it cannot be accurately reviewed without it.

A comparison of the figure for students who passed their examination in high school, categorized by subject and gender from 2010 to 2011, a one-year period is shown in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that most of the girls have finished computer science, while the boys tend to focus on geography. With regards to science subjects, female students always experienced the majority of the percentage. The furthest gap between both genders was chemistry, around less than a third of girls passed the exam, but the boys witnessed less than this. However, the highest percentage of girls passing the exam occurred on computer science, which was more than a half, whereas the boys had 42% of them in this subjects. Then, physics and mathematics also were led by girls, nevertheless the differences between both genders were not too significant. On the other hand, geography was overtaken by the boys. There was a large disparity between boys and girls. While the proportion of the boys noted at less than a third, and the girls just only had a fifth. Additionally, in foreign language subject, both genders experienced the same point, which were more than two fifths. *

Ani, when you write a chart summary essay, never use fractions to describe the measurements that are given in actual percentage figures in the chart. Writing a summary requires you to deliver accurate figures, based upon the given illustration. Therefore, the essay that you wrote does not fall within the proper format. It tends to deliver unconfirmed "estimates" because of the method of your data presentation. The accurate and acceptable presentation would be to deliver the actual percentages at all times. That removes the "guesstimate" that your essay currently has. There is no need for you to be citing "approximates" in the essay when the bar graphs have the percentage conversions indicated. Always use the provided data in the illustration. Do not make up the figures because that causes an inaccurate and improper essay. It does not properly inform the reader. I know that you were trying to show off your complex sentence abilities and you tried to develop a higher level of discussion. However, the information that you were provided prevents you from doing that. You could have done that in Task 2, but never in Task 1 because you are provided with ample information for your summary presentation. Due to the way that you developed the essay and the problems that it presented, I do not think that you can score higher than a 4 with this version for the reasons I previously mentioned.

Task Convenience food will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? ## Time More Important than Healthy Food? Food is one of fundamental needs of human lives. Lately, human revamp traditional food with modern food. While, cultural food once used to be an honor, but now has been replaced with ready to eat meals. I agree that convenience food is preferred to traditional food. However, I also believe that processed food will not be prevalent. Availability of fast food is preferred by people who life in fast working environment since they don't have much time to prepare their food. Jakarta, capital city Indonesia as an example, workers usually go to their company early in the morning, they have to finish all work within a day, so that they do not have time to make homemade food tend to buy fast food. It's clear that some people choose fast food to cut the time The convenience food cannot be replaced with other kinds of food because it is the sacred of traditional food. It represents identity of a certain region. For instance, Like in my hometown, the local food is PECEL, although, fast food restaurant available in everywhere, the society still fixed use traditional food as their daily food. Therefore, traditional food are never be erased with quick food. To conclude, I disagree if convenience food would replace traditional food. Even though it seems like convenience food will completely drag traditional food. However, there are a lot of disadvantages of having convenience food. They are certainly not going to stay for long and would fade away as time goes by. But some people argue that fast food will ease everything, people don't need to waste their time for cook. So, they are able to benefit their time to do the other activities.

Frisilia, with this kind of sloppy sentence development and lack of focus on proper grammar presentation, your essay is going to be prevented from gaining a score higher than a 4. One of the main reasons that your essay cannot get a score higher than that is because you failed to use proper punctuation marks in your essay. The predominance of the comma use, when a period would have been more appropriate, created a wrong format for the essay. You created single, continuous sentences rather than thoughtful single sentences. The lack of periods in the paragraphs caused undue stress for the reader that the examiner will not be able to ignore. Then, there is the improper conclusion where you presented your opinion rather than a closing summary of the discussion. I do not know if your tutor has told you this but, in an academic discussion such as this, you are not allowed, to present a new idea in your conclusion because the opinion you have is expected to be presented in a stand alone paragraph prior to the conclusion. Violating this academic writing rule is one of the major reasons that your essay failed to get a passing grade.

**Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, people think that getting experience and developing soft skill is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinion.** ## High school graduation or experience Some of people believe that graduate from high school is the best way to get job in the future. Yet, other believe experience and soft skill is crucial point to get job in the future. This essay will discuss which important completing university education or getting experience and developing soft skill. Graduate from university has great opportunity for job seekers. It is because most of company nowadays look for employees who has certificate of high school due to they have basic knowledge and skill to hold of position in a company. Therefore, the employers tend to choose job seekers who had finished their high school as their employees. Take my experience as an example, when I was visited job fair almost of company has general requirements that is certificate of high school, as like HRD position. It is because this position will use psychology tools due to he/she have to have basic knowledge and skill to use this tools when they fill this position. In contrast, have certificate as graduate without experience also has problems. Because world work usually followed unpredictable thing that not mention in book. Hence, experience will help at this situation. Take mechanic as an example, in which some of them not graduate from high school but they learn about machine since they was young. Therefore, they usually face and solve problems from their experience and also when they solve their problems they will increase their ability. To sum up, have basic knowledge and skill can help employees to adapt with their job but without experience will be obstacle and might slumped their job performance. Therefore, I tend to believe that as employees we must have both of them to get best job future.

Nisa, it is very unfortunate that the errors in this essay limits your score to a failing mark of 3 in the overall band. The problems with your essay starts with the way that you inaccurately paraphrased the prompt even as you managed to deliver a mechanical, and almost imitation presentation of the original prompt. It was difficult to read and failed to indicate a proper outline for the discussion that included a reference to your personal opinion as per the prompt instructions. Throughout the second paragraph, you kept on referring to High School when, I believe that you meant to say college. There is a clear difference between the two as most employers prefer a college graduate over a high school graduate. Always keep a clear head when writing these essays and make sure that you refer back to the original prompt when you are done writing in order to confirm that you actually discussed the requirements properly. Speaking of which, there is a missing paragraph in the essay referring to your personal opinion. It is because of these mistakes that you could not possibly get a passing score for this essay.

## Article recommendation In my opinion, Interview Bias is reason why interviews may not get a good job or get a poor evaluation from the interviewers. First of all, I think that all candidates should understand what interview bias is. And, they'd better prepare plans to deal with them. A bias can be an opinion about whether a person is good or bad; of course, it's effect to the interviewer's decisions. Secondly, the author refer to eight biases that can happen during an interview, such as The Halo Effect Bias, The Contrast Bias and Cultural Noise Bias. Through these biases I feel that interviewers base biases on cognitive biases that cause them to evaluate may not be accurate. Also, they can choose wrong candidates versus job requirements. For example, a job applicant make a good impression on the interviewer, but he's weak some skill that job requirements. Finally, I think job candidates can antagonize biases by comprehend the types of biases that occur. Moreover, they should learn how to proceeding throughout an interview. In general, this article is very useful for people who are looking for a job. Also, I recommend this article to students who recently graduated from college or university should read at least one time. Because it's could help them to find a good job. ps: I write my opinion about this article link article: aol/article/2010/06/15/interview-bias/19513463/

Thien, the clarity of your opinion is lost due to the manner of your discussion. You failed to make the reader understand that the bias is on the interviewers part and not the interviewee. Though you mentioned some of the biases involved in the article, you weren't really able to explain how the bias affected the applicant and how it can be overcome. As an opinion paper, you need to present reasons why you believe this article is right or wrong. Instead, you just gave a general discussion of the article. An effective opinion essay would have indicated an opinion either in agreement or disagreement with the author and then defended that stance. There is no reflection of that in this paper. The main question your opinion should have discussed is, "Do you agree or disagree with the author and why? Use examples of reasons from the article to defend your stance. " That is the normal function of an opinion essay that should have been represented here. What you wrote is an ineffective overview of the article, with a semblance of an opinion instead.

Thank you for helping me! **Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.** ## authorities need to take action Nowadays, environment has become one of the most serious problems that humans have to deal with. However, there are many opinions about who would be responsible for this. Some people hold the idea that environment-related problems should be handled on a global scale while others suppose it is better if each nation is in charge of it. To begin with, there are some certain reasons for people to give hand in protecting the environment. Firstly, this is the problem of mankind. We all lives on Earth and breathes the same atmosphere. Therefore, anything that could possibly do harm to the common living environment is worth thorough consideration. Secondly, the majority definitely can create much more stronger effects on environmental protection. In fact, campaigns that are held in global scale such as protection of wild animals have created many efficient waves and helped modify people's behaviours to wild creatures. On the other hand, handling with environmental issues nationally does have its own power. One of the key advantages here is efficiency. Authorities of a nation could control the environmental prevention status effectively by laws. For instance, Vietnamese government has passed the Law on forest protection and development in 2014 to deal with the accumulation of deforestation in recent years. Besides, it can be easily seen from the fact that each country has different environmental issues, so it would be more reasonable to tackle them separately. Nowadays, some countries such as China and India suffer from severe pollution while others in Africa have to deal with animal extinction, and it is obvious that each problem needs particular solutions. From my point of view, the action of authorities in each country is a more important element in environmental protection. Although raising the conception in people all over the world is necessary, people are unlikely to take real actions without their government's enforcement policies.

Vi, the instructions were for you to discuss both sides and give your opinion. Therefore, the opening statement you created should have included a reference to a discussion of your opinion, without actually giving an opinion yet. While you provided an acceptable discussion of both sides in your essay. The fact that you used your personal opinion as the closing statement of this essay lessened the possible score for your essay. I do not know if you were told this but, a concluding statement can never be in the form of a personal opinion. That is because the concluding statement is used to offer a reminder of the discussion provided only. It is not meant to increase the information regarding a discussion. As such, the task accuracy score of your essay was immediately and direly affected to the point where your possible score cannot be higher than a 5,

the society is based on rules and laws. the society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they want. to what extent do you agree or disagree? ## Society without Laws Laws refer to the rules imposed on people. Although legislation is important to regulate people's behaviors, l believe that it can restrict people's freedom. If some society members obey the laws, then it can help society avoid some violence and develop economy. For example, if people do not obey the traffic rules, the accidents will increase, also the traffic jam will become a problem. If people who sell fake products cannot punished by the laws, then consumer not dare to buy products and also have a bad influence on economy. People can live in a peaceful and closely-knit society to enjoy their lives. However, sometimes they may motivated by self-interest and do things which can hurt others. If they obey the laws and social rules, then they will respect others, which can lead a peaceful life. For instance, people will disturb others' working when talking through the mobile phones. However, sometimes laws will inevitably restrain people's freedom and even hamper the development of society. For example, if a country pose many restrains on business, the business activity will be less active. If the high income earners subject to higher income taxes, they don't have motivations to make great efforts to improve their income. Government should relax regulations and encourage innovations, which is beneficial to society. It is reasonable to conclude that society cannot run effectively without laws. Although laws cannot allow people to act at will, the main purpose of laws is to create a peaceful society.

Michele, you misunderstood the prompt requirement. You were being asked to agree or disagree to a certain extent with the statement being provided. What you ended up discussing instead, was the purpose of law. The opening paragraph should have contained an appropriate paraphrasing of the prompt topic, as well as your position on the discussion reflecting either an extent of agreement or disagreement with the topic. Since you failed to paraphrase the prompt accurately, you automatically failed the task accuracy portion of the essay. It is this misunderstanding that led you to ultimately, discuss the wrong stance on the topic as well. This resulted in a score of 3, indicating a lack of comprehension of the topic instructions on your part.

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. ## Celebrating Food Fast food these day become life stayle around citizent especially who live in urban area and change habitual inhabitans to eat. It is also might take place traditional food on heart the consumer who prefer to allow this life stayle. To be frankly honest, I totaly disagree with this motion due to several reasons. Fast food restaurant nowadays is sparse almost every sides in the city. This is because it affordable for every one to buy and also simple to eat anywhere anytime that consumer want it. This hapen caused of fast food restaurant have their own way to attrack buyers to buy it in one pack, such as in french chicken resaturant in which sell chicken, rice, drink, and desert in low price. Therefore, it as draw for consumer particulary who have limit savings money but want to eat delicious food. Moreover, fast food also easy to bring and to consume hence, employees tend to choose this one as their lunch owing to limited time to rest. In spite of that, slowly but sure traditional foods take them place again as popular cuisine in the midle of citizent. It is because some of people believe that fast food has higher risk as source disease such as cancer. Therefore, people who realise that prefer to consume traditional food than fast food. Besiedes, special cuisine to celebrate event such as Id Mubarak will not replaced by fast food restaurant due to, this as culture to eat that will be continuous as identical food to celebrate Id Mubarak. As matter of fact, attandence of fast food restaurant can cause people easier particullary worker who have deadline for lunch and limit money. Yet, it might drive disease and also can not replace memoriable food to celebrate special event.

Nisa, there are a large number of problems related to this particular essay. It has both good and bad points, positive and negative aspects. Therefore, I will not judge this essay on the overall merit of the essay but rather, in the scoring criteria. That way you will get a clearer idea as to which aspects of the essay you have to improve with your next tests. Task Accuracy - 5 - You managed to properly address the prompt requirements in the first paragraph. While the grammar is problematic, it still allowed you to properly introduce the topic for discussion and your disagreement with it. This is the highest possible score for this part. Coherence & Cohesiveness - 6 - while the information can be understood with some difficulty and the ideas are coherent, your use of cohesive devices proves to be problematic due to grammar issues in the essay. The sentences you wrote can definitely be considered to be faulty so your referencing is not always clear to the reader. Lexical Resource - 4 - The vocabulary used is often faulty in spelling. The incorrect spelling often causes problems for the reader in terms of trying to understand what you are trying to say. If you were just careless this time around, make sure to take care and try to spell properly in your next practice test. Grammar Range & Accuracy - 4 - There is a clear lack of ability to properly form even the simplest of English sentences. Improper sentence formation and grammar inaccuracies cover at least 50 percent of the paper which affects the presentation, punctuation, and comprehensibility of the overall essay. The scores above are the ratings that I believe your score could get as the highest possible marks had this been an actual IELTS Task 2 test.

## Smartphones Every morning Ahmed turns on his smartphone before he even gets out of bed.First he checks his email.Then, he texts his friends to find out what they are doing.He carries his smartphone with him wherever he goes.Do you think are they a lot of people do what Ahmed does ? Smartphone has gained considerable popularity in the world.But before you to know why,you have to know "what does Smartphone mean ?". The smartphone is a mobile phone, built on a mobile operating system, with more advanced computing. Smartphone is very popular for many reasons.One reason is people are social,so they want to be connected to their friends and family by Smartphone.Another reason is smartphone has a lot of features.For example:you can read newspaper or e-book,watch TV,and play games.The third reason is the smartphone can personalize you.You can choose the color your phone's cover and its ring tone. Who use smartphone ? Smartphones first became popular with businesspeople,soon smartphones became with adults then with teenagers. So do you understand why Ahmed use it everyday and wherever he goes ? I think the answer is yes.And my advice for you is :"buy smartphone for you now".

Raghad, I am not sure what the point of your essay is. The anecdote that you shared does not help to explain the point of the essay that you are writing. While your title is "Why Do We Use Smartphone?" There is no accurate representation of why people have to do the activities that you mentioned on the phone when they can do it on their laptop or PC as well. Your paragraphs are not developed enough to represent and actual explanation of the importance of using smartphones. Your line of reasoning must have been better defended using personal experience, opinions, or other explanatory / exemplification discussions. The reason your essay is weak is because it does not have a properly developed thesis statement representing it. The anecdote doesn't really stress the point of discussion and your actual discussions lack focus and deeper meaning in terms of delivering the supposed message of the essay. When you ask "Who use smartphone?" The next question should have been, "Why do they use a smartphone?" Since that is your given essay title, it should have been represented in the discussion paragraphs.

**Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?** Nowadays, smart phones are very common among the young children. Still many parents believe that smart phones are not doing any good to their children and don't allow them to use. I believe the every aspect of society should be benefited by the technological advancement we have in this century. So, the children should be allowed to have smart phones along with maintaining some restrictions. The major problem faced by the parents for allowing the young children to use smart phones is addiction towards such devices. These days young children are often seen looking at the smart phone's screen rather than enjoying the life with other activities. Due to this there may be possibility of less focus on studies and they tend to get lost in the internet world. For example: One of friends' brother used to have good grades in school. But later he became so addicted to social networking sites that he failed in high school. That was all because of improper and unmanaged use of internet. Even if we take a look at the famous person, Steve Jobs, who invented the phones with internet (iPhones), it didn't allow his children to use such devices. It may be inferred that he feared similar incidents would come up. On the other hand, smart phones are basic essential thing required for proper functioning of this world. It makes every easy to communicate with people and keep in touch with each other. For example: When parents are out for dinner or gone to visit relatives, with a simple click of a button they can communicate with their young children at home and get to know about the situations. To conclude, despite being important tools in human life, there are some disadvantages of smart phones that should be taken care of before allowing children to use them. I believe young children should be allowed to use such devices with proper restrictions and parental guidance. Parents should monitor the internet usage pattern of child, give suggestions and also inform them about the misuse of internet.

Rajeeb, you cannot discuss this essay by staying in the middle or taking the "up to a certain degree" point of view because the essay clearly asks you to pick a side and defend it. Due to your lack of choosing a side to discuss and support, you changed the whole message of the essay and misdirected the discussion of the prompt requirements. These errors show that you did not understand the instructions you were given and thus, resulted in a score of 2. The main reason, is that you did not properly discuss the point of the essay which is that children having a cellphone is important because it allows them to stay in touch. Instead, you chose to discuss "children should be allowed to have smart phones along with maintaining some restrictions.", which is nowhere near the prompt discussion requirements. If you had removed the "maintaining some restrictions" part, then the essay might have been more prompt responsive.

## Descriptive Essay - Living on a Farm last year we went on a picnic to a farm. it was marvelous to leave the grey building of a city behind and see animals grazing in the lovely green fields. seeing animals in a field is a real novelty to many city children. The only animals we usually seen are pet such as cats and dogs. When we arrived at farm we welcomed by the farmer's wife. Who took us all into the huge farm kitchen and gave us some delicious scones which she had just baked. The honey which we had with scones had been taken from their own beehives. We watched the farmer's wife feeding the hen's in the farmyard by throwing hand full of grains at them. They rushed to get the food, clucking loudly. we went to watch the farmer but the farmer went up the hill behind the farm to take some of sheep to a field nearer the farm. they were going to be sheared next day. We watched his two sheepdogs round the sheep. They were cleverand soon had sheep down in the field. All too soon it was time to go home again. We all had a really marvelous day at farm. I wished to live on a farm

Ayreen, when you write a descriptive essay, the first thing you have to learn to do is accurately describe your surroundings. Tell the reader more about the way that the farm looked when you arrived. Take the reader into the place with you. Make your descriptions more vivid by engaging the five senses of the reader. For example you could have described the farm as: *I knew we were nearing the farm because the smell of the air was changing from the polluted, smog filled air of the city to the dewy, fresh scent that the morning dew on the roadside grass offered those who, like us, traveled with open windows in the car. The sound of clucking chickens and cows mooing seemed to get closer as we moved deeper into the tree lined rough road.* You also need to double check your grammar and sentence development. Note that you wrote most of this essay in lower case letters even after a period. The first letter of a word after a period is always capitalized to indicate a new sentence.

**Do you agree or disagree? Telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship** ## Relationship's pilar There are many considerations and pillars in building any relationship. Depending on their opinions, people have different visions on which consideration is the number one on the list. For me, Absolutely, I am for telling the truth, which is most needed and the top pillar in any relationship. For me, telling the truth is considered as the most necessary pillar in all of my life. Here, if my truthful friend did a mistake and he admitted it, I have to forgive him on any way. No doubt that such situations between friends or couples strengthen their relationship and make it last for the whole life. In Addition, being truthful creates and boosts the self confidence and bravery. For example, I have seen many cases whereby I avoid lying on others, that I feel more confidence, and I have nothing to worry about, because I am on the right way. Unlike the liar who is always freaking out and his face becomes yellow while he is talking. On the other side, Hiding the truth is the destroyer of any relationship. When I want to build a new friendship, the question comes first is: ''is this person really honest and truthful? So that I can trust him''. If he seems to be dishonest then how would I rely on him later on?. that he might be lying on me all the time. Also, our relationship is going to meet an end whether I disclose his lies earlier or later. Because his hidden real personality is going to betrayed. Moreover, He is going to be ignored by other, since he has no reliability. No one want to have a fake friend who just pretends to be a friend.

Cheniki, this TOEFL essay that you wrote will not score higher than a 2 due to a number of reasons. The first reason, has to do with your grammatical inability to write proper English sentences. While the improper sentence development may be overlooked by the examiner, as he allows a leeway for the non-English speakers, he cannot overlook the fact that there are numerous written grammar rule violations in your essay dealing with capitalization, paragraph formatting, and punctuation mistakes, among other mistakes. There is also the problem of redundancy in your essay as you describe "truth" as being the pillar of a friendship twice in succeeding paragraphs. Redundancies cause problems for the examiner because these mistakes show either a lack of carefulness on the part of the writer or an inability to write in English. While the essay that you wrote has a good message, the problems in presentation and sentence structure pose real problems for your exam scoring.

The prompt: **The charts below show the results of a survey about what men and women say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.** ## What makes people happy? The two different pie charts illustrate the percentage of factors which have an influence on women and men happiness. Overall, it is clear that while the factor that makes the former happy is being with family, achievement at work is the main factor affecting the latter joy. With regard to women, being with family makes up the bulk of the pie chart, accounting for the largest proportion, approximately 37%. Financial security allocates to a slightly larger amount than good appearance 12% and 11%, respectively, with 25% being comprised achievement at work. By contrast, other factors occupy an average share, in the region of 15%. This is contrast sharply with man gladness, where achievement at work amount constitutes the highest proportion, indicating the virtually identical level with women, nearly 25%. Likewise, there is the difference in other elements. While supporting a successful sports team represent a marginally taller share than doing hobbies, 18% and 17%, in turn, financial security and other factors both account for more than they did at women happiness, 15% and 24% respectively. * *This is the wrong image* * *This is the right image*

To, the statement about the happiness factor that is exclusive to only men should be discussed as a separate statement. Remember only single or related topics can be discussed in the same paragraph. That difference represents the discussion of a main feature in the essay. It should have been fully discussed as a difference in the reasons or method by which men judge happiness differently from women. Please do not be careless in your writing. Once again you failed in the sentence format requirement. Do not ask me to explain or point it out to you. Learn to analyze and proofread your essay after you write it, prior to submission. These are format errors that are really easily avoided if you remain conscious of the format requirements and make sure to implement it properly. Your site for this essay will not be higher than a 4.

## Asking teacher for some good words Dear Dr. Smith, I am writing this letter with regards to a reference letter I need for a job application. After graduating from Houston University, I applied to a few positions in the area of airline planning. Lately, United Airways responded with an invitation for an interview for a role in network planning. The position is located in Chicago, and it is a junior level which does not require previous job experience. The opportunity in United Airways is appealing since airline always ranks in the top 10 of best airlines around the world. Also, employees who start working for the company go through extensive training which costs thousands of dollars if taken outside personally. The reference letter has to be in a particular format which I have enclosed to this letter. I also would like you to put some extra information about which classes I took from you and the grades I achieved. That additional information will be very helpful, as I achieved A from all of them. I appreciate your help on this matter. Yours faithfully,

Tanner, this essay can score a 5 in an actual setting. That is because it mechanically addressed the prompt requirements. It is mechanical because you merely provided all of the necessary information as indicated in the instructions. You failed to properly develop the letter in order to make to make it more interesting and useful for your purpose. You should have started off the letter by refreshing the memory of your professor about who you are. Remember that a period of time has already passed and this professor has hundreds of students in his classes per semester, so it would have been imperative to reintroduce yourself and assume that he will remember you immediately. Give your full name, the name of the course you took, what semester, time, and classroom that you attend his classes. This will help him to pull out the correct student record and allow him to better recall who you are as his student. When you discussed the opportunity to work for United Airways, aside from the general reasons for wanting to work there, you should have included a personal reason, such as a career goal, that could have encouraged him to support the writing of a positive recommendation letter for you. The points above are the main reasons that your essay did not score as highly as it could have. Had you tried to write a more personal, rather than mechanical letter, I do not doubt that you could have scored at least a 6 with this essay.

The prompt say: **The pie charts below show average household expenditure in Hong Kong and Britain in the year 2000** ## domestic spending in Hong Kong and Britain The two different charts give the breakdown of the percentage of domestic spending in Hong Kong and Britain in 2000. Overall, it is clear that while the main expenditure of the former was other goods, the main disbursement of the latter was housing. This was the similar trend that clothing was the smallest cost in Britain and Hong Kong. With regard to household disbursement in Britain in 2000, other goods were the highest proportion, more than twice the housing amount, 36% and 18% respectively. Spending on food constituted a little larger than transport fees, approximately 22% of the former, with 17% being made up the latter. By contrast, clothing consisted of the smallest proportion of expenditure, in the region of 7%. This contrast sharply with the expenditure for Hong Kong in the same year, where the housing amount made up the bulk of expenditure, accounting for the largest proportion of spending, approximately 32%.While food and transport costs comprised more than they did in Britain, 27% and 9%, in turn, other goods were less than it did in Britain nearly 8 %, with being occupied 28%. In comparison, clothing still was the lowest expenditure, devoting to 4%. *

You counted sentences only for the first two paragraphs. Review the third paragraph and you will see that you used come in place of periods. Therefore, you wrote only one extremely long and exhausting to read sentence. You need to be consistent with your work in order to continue improving your possible score. You are careless and did not proof read the essay before you submitted it. That is why you did not catch the obvious mistake in your work. Proof reading your essay is just as important as writing a strong presentation for the essay. You failed to do that in this instance. If you do not practice due diligence in writing your essay, you will constantly fail based upon technicalities and improper presentations. That is something I can't teach you.

**Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?** ## cell phones with internet access have bad effects on children Children are considered to be the ones whom parent look after more. Because of that, some permit them to use technology tools such as mobile phones, while others do not. In my opinion, I beleive that parent must forbid their children from using smart phones. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will elaborate in the next paragraphs. First of all, allowing kids to use internet connected phones make them failing. The young children who use the internet a lot, such as social media and and watching videos, distracts them from studying. For instance, I have a young cousin who has the access the web, keep on chatting and visiting games websites all the time. He forgets about solving his homeworks and leaves them away. In addition he alaways gives unjustifed excuses to his teacher all the time. Consequently at the end of the trimester, a failing grade is the outcome.So internet access really harms the acadamic success for the youngs. Secondly, letting children have a smartphone might have a misrable outcomes. That is, free access leading them to talk with strange people who could hurt them. Children could be deceived in one way or another, that put them in a critical situation such being a hostage. I myself have my friend's brother, who went through a similar situation. despite the fact that his parent pretend to track his internet activity, it was not enough. The child had a connection with a person who seems to be a good one, but he was hiding a bad to trade him. As a result, the person succeeded in his plan by telling him to meet up outside, and having him as a hostage. Hence, his parents paid a huge amount of money to take him back. for this reason, i strongly urge parents to prevent their kids from using the smartphones. All in all, I think that the right thing to do is to stop children from using smartphones.this is because of the fact that cell phone with internet access has more bad effects on the cildren's life.

A proper academic essay is composed of 5 parts. That description for these paragraphs are the introduction, 3 body of paragraphs, and the conclusion. It is a must to have 3 body of paragraphs because the whole discussion point of the essay, the actual prompt requirement instruction, is developed and discussed within the body of the paragraph. Not within the introduction or the conclusion. If you want to score well in the essay, you need to develop your body of paragraph. This will prove your English comprehension skills along with your English grammar / sentence structure capabilities. The more you write, provided it is easily understood in English, in support of your essay, the better the score could be. That is why exam takers are encouraged to write a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph, within a 5 paragraph essay. FYI, this is your second and last free advice for this thread.

## clothes don`t affect human Nowadays, people usually face a problem in choosing what to wear. There are people who are sure that clothes have an impact on how people behave. There are also those who are convinced that it doesn`t control anything and persons behave like they want. As far as I am concerned, clothes don`t affect human. Firstly, because behavior depends on your character, not on clothes you wear. For example, if person is shy, then he/she doesn`t attract a lot of attention from others, because he/she wants so. Moreover, if someone wants to cry, he does it. It is no matter for him what clothes he`s wearing at the moment. Secondly, people`s behavior is usually the result of parents` upbringing. To illustrate, it is generally agreed, that person behaves according to the manners which his mother and father inculcated him. However, another opinion is that human beings conduct the way the clothes they`re wearing influence on them. As for proof, the color and the style of a thing you wear sometimes make you look and behave in different ways. As an example, if woman wear something red, she is more self-confident and finds herself very hot and sexy. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree with the second statement, because, in my opinion, people always select clothes pursuant to their mood, personal preferences and they affect on clothes more, than clothes on them. To sum up, I should say that it never makes sense if people behave according to their clothes. They always do what they want to do instead of all the things they have.

I am very sad that you wasted your second and final free advice by simply trying to teach me how a Russian essay is written. Along with it, you should have included the original prompt requirement as well so that I could have at least used your essay format instruction to create a more authoritative analysis of the essay that you wrote. Now, I cannot do anything for you anymore. If you include the prompt requirement at this point, I will no longer be able to advice you about how to improve your weak points. The only way I can do that, if you decide to provide the prompt, is if you turn this essay into an "Urgent" thread, where I can continue discussing the points for improvement based upon the prompt you might be willing to provide.

## [TOEFL] Agree or disagree? Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past Thank for the advanced technology, people staying today have more convenience life than people who lived before the Internet revolution. People are endowed to buy lots of devices and machines, so they are able to do more things in limited time. However, some people believe that advanced technology still disturbs and has a negative effect on the users. In my opinion, I agree that it is more difficult to educate children today. To begin with, children will be distracted by latest smartphone and game machine, so they can not concentrate on the study and doing homework. Sometimes it is too difficult for some students to manage their time, so they would break the balance between playing and studying. I have seen many cases of playing too many online games, so they have to crumble the whole test materials in the last week. This is really ineffective and it is not good for learning because there is no enough time to absorb the intelligence. Secondly, the another reason to support my opinion is children might waste much time on watching the advertisement. There is no doubt that people can see the various advertisement on television and website in force, if the program truly goes for 50 minutes, the audience would actually spend 60 minutes watching all of them because the merchants insert the advertisement. Last but not least, people and students spend huge time on receiving the advertisement on the screen, they are not only wasting time but also unable to pay attention to the class. People have their own smartphones, so students can browse the website wherever they stay, including the classroom. Therefore, many students play cell phones in the class, they are losing their chance to learn new knowledge and losing their chance to interact with teachers. Furthermore, I think looking down to smartphones is impolite to the speakers. To sum up, I agree that educating students is more difficult today because those attracting devices and software make students can not concentrate on class, it is not only waste teachers' time but also students' time. Maybe it would be a critical issue for people to start solving this problem in the future.

Eric, the only score that your essay can get is a 3 due to the grammar problems that exist in your essay. To begin with, your opening statement inaccurately paraphrases the prompt for discussion. While the last sentence in your opening statement directly relates to the prompt, the preceding sentences do not establish the correct discussion topic nor format for discussion. That is the biggest problem that lowered the score for this essay. Then, you have inconsistent sentence development in the paragraphs and the mistakes in English vocabulary usage (i.e.crumble instead of cram) which made it very difficult for the reader to assess what you are trying to say in the sentence. There is a definite lack of clarity in the message the paragraph tries to deliver. Finally, these problems all combined to limit your ability to write even the simplest English sentence that would help to properly explain the meaning of your essay. Hence the possible maximum overall score of 3.

## Children Learning a Foreign Language Learning overseas language of children should start at primary school rather than secondary school. The opinion is revealed by some experts. Some people believe that it will be better, if they start it when they are younger since their brain in optimal working. However, others argue, learning too much language make children confused about their mother-tongue. This essay will first discuss how learning languages can be maximal in primary school, and then talk how it can make children muddled about their first language. The pupils in primary school who learn foreign languages, sometimes they are founded dazed about what languages that they should say when speak to other people because they learn more than one way to communicate. Taking a theory of children languages, stated that children who learn too many languages in too young age will possibly be hard to differentiate which one their mother language and the foreign. However, other merits follow this trend. Children will be easier for understanding the language since they start their learning from young age. Rose Mini, a children psychologist stated that a habit or activity that has started from children, harder to forget even they get older. It is proven that, learning language in primary school make it easier to understand and harder to forget. That is why, personally, I believe that even though it has a demerit, the merits still outweigh. To conclude, learning foreign language for children can be optimal in primary school, though it has possibility to make them bemused about their real language.

Nuraini, the biggest problem of your essay is that you did not offer a proper paraphrasing of the prompt requirements, which would have helped us better review your essay in terms of its relevance to the topic. What you did was, you immediately launched into a discussion of the essay by offering pertinent information meant to open the discussion of the subject. The proper representation for the opening statement would have that of a paraphrasing of the topic plus instructions for the discussion and then the presentation of your line of reasoning in the second paragraph. It is because of this mistake that your concluding essay came up short and, along with the missing paraphrase and discussion outline at the beginning, that you would most likely not get a passing grade for this essay in the actual test. Remember the proper discussion format for an IELTS task 2 essay and always follow it. That is how you can increase your test scores.

Question: **Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?** ## Celebrities have no privacy Essay: Being widely acknowledged is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, everything has it positive and negative aspects. However, I'm standing a strong believe that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits of being a well-known personality. Herein, I'm supporting my stand presenting how fame can cause disruptions. Being a celebrity is being considered equally to being riches which also mean more responsibilities. However, do not be effected, there is no easy money as celebrities are continuously loaded with contracts of endorsing, presentative shows, etc.. Consequently, having time for family and children is certainly decreased. Because of inherent disadvantages, sitting in the hall of fame doesn't seem as wonderful as it sounds. Furthermore, it's debatable that celebrities will be targeted wherever they go or even in daily basic activities. Celebrities magazine's reporters are in every corner, hungering for a moment of star's carelessness or lacking of self-conscious actions. Imagining waking up see your name under a highlighted title for a miss-behavior is, unfortunately, certainly repressing. Thus, celebrities have to watch every single move they make, concerning their idolatry is vulnerable. Despite numerous benefits of how celebrities gain, it is undeniable that your privacy is no longer belongs to you. Standing a high chance that scarifying some of your relations is most likely inevitable. I do strongly believe in a saying that "Do not judge a book by its cover", celebrities have to face a number of problems rather than enjoy the benefits it brings.

Xuan, the highest score you can get or this essay is a 5 due to a number of missteps on your part. The first mistake that you made, was using the opening statement to address your opinion rather than building a proper introduction for the essay topic in the mind of the reader. The proper opening statement should have merely represented the topic for discussion, the 2 sides to be discussed, and an indication (not a statement) that your opinion will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs. Your opinion must never be discussed as a part of the opening statement because that is always expected to be a properly developed prompt discussion within one of the paragraph bodies. This is normally discussed in the 4th paragraph, leading into the 5th paragraph or concluding statement. In addition to that, the conclusion is also wrong because you presented a new idea, that you did not accurately develop, as part of your closing statement. That is not allowed in academic writing. The last paragraph is meant for a summation of the discussion and nothing more. There are also spelling errors in your essay that show a lack of English vocabulary skills. The word is not spelled miss-step but rather "misstep". If you see a red line under the word that you typed, that is a solid indicator that you have wrongly spelled the word. Since you are judge on vocabulary and spelling, you need to make sure that you avoid such mistakes. Due to these problems, there is no way that your essay, though properly argued, can score higher than the 5 that I indicated above.

Here is the link of the question, Question : **Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on points made in the reading**. Response;: ## wrong cooperation The professor in the lecture gave the students an example of a fail team work and mentioned a couple of reasons why they fails. At first , some of the members within the group alomst do nothing or contribution to the group. And when the group succeed , they get rewarded on work done by their team, although they merely got a" free ride". the other hand members who did well feel underrated and they do not appear as the real workers. Secondly , he opposed the claiming of a group can do the work very quickly, he mentioned that they do not move very quickly, because the members within the group keep on discussing the ideas and do a lot of meetings to make all agree with what the project is going to be. Finally he mentioned that team members who have a voice in making decision , who can affect the work, they either be very pessimistic , by saying the the project we are working on is very bad. The might affect the movement of the project, or the might be very optimistic telling the members we are on the right way, although it may be the inverse

Abderraouf, I am not sure if the summary that you made of this article is accurate. Though you mentioned that you supplied the link to the original article, you forgot to actually post the link in the post. So I do not have an accurate point of reference when it comes to confirming the summary that you have presented. Kindly provide the link the article as soon as you can so that I can offer a more accurate review and scoring for your work on this essay summary. One thing that I can comment on though is the fact that you do not bother to properly develop paragraphs by offering at least 3 sentences per paragraph. What you have here are mostly single sentence structures that you divided using comma's. A move that is frown upon in the academic circles, specially in the English exam community. You are being judged on your ability to create individual and understandable English sentences, forming extremely long sentences does not respond to that expectation and as such, will alarmingly lower your final score.

## Diverse Education When the issue of education comes into view, there exist conflicting opinions. Some people are convinced that the best teachers are parents, whereas others do not consent to this idea. To my way of thinking, parents are not only the best friends but also the best teachers on account of some reasons. The chief reason why I support to this opinion is that parents comprehend their children's mind. To be specific, parents nourish their children such a long time from a baby to an adult that they know deeply about their children's behavior as well as their hobby. Therefore, they understand which the best way is to impart knowledge to their children. Contrariwise, teachers only have communicated with pupils in school time. A recent survey conducted by the New York Times in 2016 in which objects are children under 18 years old reveals that those who have a good education from their parents often achieve more success than others do not. Another rational argument in favor of the perspective is that parents can teach their children many things which the teachers often do not. Communication and behavioral skills are great illustrations for it. In other words, teachers often teach these things from books other than everyday skills to children, whereas parents teach their children knowledge from both inside or outside books. Moreover, parents also willingly dedicate time and money to their children for giving them new knowledge as well as interesting experiences. According to Mr. Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America, one of the priorities in his life is impart essential life skills to his two daughters. Some skeptics, nonetheless, advocate that parents are very busy with their work and they do not have much time for their children. Actually, it is only true in one respect. However, if they really want to teach their children carefully, it is not difficult to arrange their time. In other words, parents can handle this issue to teach their children on weekends or after working time. In conclusion, parents have so many characteristics that they can be recognized as the best teacher. There are many explanations for this, but the elementary factors are comprehension of children's mind and diverse education.

Anh, what is the actual prompt requirement that you are responding to? Kindly indicate it in your response to my advice because I need to be able to assess your essay for prompt responsiveness and instruction compliance. Without that information, the assessment of your essay is incomplete. As of now, I can offer only a general assessment of your work. The main issue that I have with your essay, in terms of the argument it presents (without knowing the actual prompt instructions) is that you have done a certain amount of research in order to create an acceptable example or supporting reason for your argument. In the actual exam, there will not be any opportunity to research to create an impressive discussion because the computers will be locked down. While this argument that you created is strong, it was done in inaccurate exam settings so the argument cannot be deemed proper. It would have been best if you used your personal experience of having your parents as a teacher instead of referring to researched material. Personal examples offer a better idea of how you relate to the prompt and impresses the reviewer more.

***In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?*** ## today's phenomenon of the nuclerar family In the past decade, there has been tremendous changes in the households worldwide, regarding to their structures and the distribution of family tasks. I think most of these changes are associated with adverse impacts on family. To begin with, compared to the traditionally pervasive extended family structure, the majority of people now live in nuclear families, in which only parents and children live in one house or apartment. Children move out from their parents' home after 18 years old instead of staying with parents, and each single family normally lives independently with their cousins. In addition, rather than having multiple children in one family, children now rarely have siblings due to "one-child policy", and this is particularly the case in China. Meanwhile, unlike the previous period when it is the women who were responsible for taking care of their offspring, in modern family, there is a greater number of men who share this family role, and domestic status of two genders has become much more equal. For the positive influences, firstly, thanks to the nuclear family structure and fewer children in one immediate family, the financial burden on families has been largely mitigated. This is because in this way current parents do not have to pay a high total tuition fee for several kids. Besides, women have earned more respect, because they play more social roles and make more contributions to the society. However, there are also several potential risks stemming from these changes. Firstly, one-child family means that the child is likely to be spoiled, making them self-centred and less considerate, thereby impairing their personality goodness. In addition, considering that adults live far away from their parents or children, it is increasingly difficult for them to have family reunion, so they fail to bond with families, which leads to a weak feeling of belonging. To conclude, I think although family can benefit from these changes financially, there are huge problems linked with this issue.

Yolanda, the main problem with this essay is that it focused itself on the "Once Child Policy" of China. This was a misunderstanding of the prompt on your part because the prompt did not indicate any particular reasons for the statement. Therefore, it is generalized statement that required a general, not country or policy specific discussion. By focusing your statement on the one child policy, you inadvertently changed the prompt discussion topic and by association, declared a totally different essay than what was originally instructed. Note that all IELTS essays, unless indicating the need for a personal opinion or experience, must be discussed in a general manner, not specific to any country or policy. Another problem is the way that you delivered your opinion of the matter as single line sentence in the conclusion. This is a common mistake among the IELTS exam takers. The concluding statement can never contain your opinion or new information due to the lack of sentence space to defend the new idea. Your opinion should have been the 4th paragraph of the 5 paragraph essay. The conclusion should have merely wrapped up the discussion without presenting new ideas. Due to the problems that exist in the presentation of your essay, I do not think that you can score higher than a 4 with this argument.

Topic: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the advantages? ## Early familiarisation with foreign language at school Essay: Given the critical economic globalization, foreign language education is a hot topic for severe debates in many countries. Some specialists consider primary school the best place to start teaching foreign language; however, some others believe that secondary school is much better. Such methods have been applied in many countries and revealed both negative and positive impacts. On the one hand, it is undeniable that, in terms of physical development, students at primary school are the most suitable for learning language. As you know, the children from 6 to 8 age are in the 0process to develop organs related to pronounce like tongue; therefore, at this time, they are much easier to adopt different pronunciation than adolescents. Besides, learning foreign language is in relevant to not only vocabulary or grammar but also the mindset of a different culture, so little children, without deep self-consciousness, is the best to absorb a new language. On the other hand, learning foreign language at primary school brings considerable drawbacks. Firstly, teaching foreign language as a compulsory subject, to a certain extent, could put pressure on children, who should spend more time on outside activities rather than at school. Secondly, most students at primary school tend to not aware of self-study, so without daily language environment, the language education at this group is much less effective than the student at secondary school. Based on the above advantages and disadvantages, personally, I think foreign language education should focus on students at secondary school rather than primary school.

Maruko, I dare say that you have written an essay worthy of emulation of the other students here. Why is that? Well, your work, though not as fluent in English as it can be, was actually good enough to, in my opinion score a 7 in the grading bracket. The best work from your essay is the fact that you showed an ability to not only understand, but accurately paraphrase the prompt requirements. The line of reasoning that you used showed a good grasp of English grammar and sentence formation abilities. While there were some errors in structure, the errors did not cause confusion for the reader. So there are a lot of plus points for this essay. There was however, one small mistake and that was in the conclusion that you wrote. The essay did not ask you for a personal opinion so you should not have signified any in the end. The format of your closing statement should have kept the general opinion tone that the essay asked you to use because the job of the essay was not to give an opinion but rather, to inform the readers so that they could make their own decision regarding the given topic.

**+ This is the question:** The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. **+ And this is my answer:** Allocated is the chart revealing how many workers on the average have commuted everyday by three different means of transport, namely car, bus and train over the course of 60 years starting in 1970. I am not sure about the way paraphrase this question, please correct my grammar mistakes (if any) **THANK YOU SO MUCH! I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR HELP!**

Thao, I have already corrected your one sentence opening statement in my previous thread. So I will not be giving you a second example in this response. However, I will caution you against continuing your preferred since sentence opening statement. The IELTS test requires a minimum of 3 sentences, maximum of 5 per paragraph. That is how your English comprehension, sentence development, and written abilities are scored. So even while you prefer to write only single sentence for the introduction, you should not do it. That will immediately lower your overall score and could result in your failing the exam. By the way, this is your final free advice for this thread. I will not be responding to you anymore regarding your work in this section. If you feel that you need to continue this discussion with me, sign up for the Urgent thread where I can continue to discuss this essay with you.

## Are dinosaurs endotherms or not? The lecture talks about the problems with theories presented in the passage which tries to explain that dinosaurs are endotherms. It gives several facts and details, with which the theories are inconsistent. First, the lecture does not believe that only endotherms can live in the polar regions because of their ability to maintain their own body temperature, thus dinosaurs fossil found in Polar Regions indicates they belong to endotherms. That is because the climate of the period when dinosaurs lived in Polar Regions is warmer than nowadays so that the dinosaurs would not be bothered with cold climates. What's more, even during the cold period, the dinosaurs could migrate to other regions or hibernate like other reptiles do. Therefore, living in Polar Regions could not prove that dinosaurs are endotherms. Second, even though the reading passage suggests that endotherms have their legs under their body in order to sustain agile physical activity, so the fact that the dinosaurs' legs are positioned underneath their body suggests they are endotherms, the professor argues in the lecture that the reason why the dinosaurs' legs under their body is to add their own weight, rather than supporting activities like running. That is because the bigger a dinosaur can grow, the stronger power it would appear, which means the dinosaurs had no needs to run. Obviously, the professor's argument contradicts its counterpart in the reading. Third, although many dinosaur bones do have Haversian canal like most of the endotherms , it doesn't prove that the dinosaurs were not always rapidly growing, whereas that fact that the growth rings which the dinosaurs have confirms the frequent fluctuating growing pace of the dinosaurs which is consistent with the characteristic of non-endotherm animals. It is claimed that dinosaurs stopped growing or grew slowly when the climates were cooler, while true endotherms keep growing rapidly a whole year-round.

Shunan, the summary that you wrote is acceptable if it is to be based upon the content of the audio file / transcript that you provided. The only problem I have with your presentation is that it has a highly mechanical feel to it. While I know that you had to take notes during the time you were listening to the audio file, that does not mean that your presentation had to be in the direct tone that the audio file provided. The essay requires a more engaging tone coming from you, as the listener and summary presentor, The tone that you use and the interesting presentation of the discussion would show that you did more than just take notes during the playing of the file, it would have proven that you were actually listening and engaged in the analytical thought process related to consideration the two sides of the discussion. That said, this was an excellent effort on your part. Try to work on creating a more interest manner of writing these summary essays in your next practice sessions. It is important that you somehow convey the idea that you weren't just taking notes all this time. You have to show an interest and ability to analyze the information on another level. I guess the score for this essay would be somewhere within the 5 range in an actual setting.

Hello, I am working on improving my writing for the CLEP English Comp practice essays. Any discussion of argument weakness and general structure is greatly appreciated, as well as a likely score. Thank you in advance. **Prompt: The old saying, "experience is the best teacher," suggests to some people that they would benefit more from learning on the job or in the world than from continuing their formal education in the school or college classroom ## experience is the best teacher Assignment: Write an essay in which you discuss the relative values of experiential and academic learning. Support your view with specific examples from literature, history, current events, or personal experience.** ## Experimental vs academic learning Experiential learning and academic learning are both necessary and valuable to a good education. Experiential learning gives people the opportunity to practice, while academic learning provides the necessary knowledge and saves people a lot of time by allowing them to learn from the experiences of others. Both have advantages and drawbacks, but when they are used together, these two strategies can provide a quality education that prepares and equips people. Experiential learning, or learning on the job, teaches people how to perform a task by giving them the opportunity to practice. There is great value in this type of learning, because no matter how many books someone has read about a topic or task, they will never be able to do it unless they try to do it and learn by the mistakes they make in their attempts. I experienced this in my Home Economics class. After several lessons in the textbook, we were given opportunities to practice the new skills about which the book had just taught us. Experiential learning is necessary in every skill and profession. People improve with practice. For this reason, experienced professionals are often paid much more than students who have just graduated from college. However, people who only learn experientially can take much more time to learn the same things. They may have to figure everything out on their own, through their own experience, which will be much more limited than that of all people throughout time. Academic learning also has its share of benefits and drawbacks. Academic learning, or learning from books, offers people the opportunity to learn from the experience of others. Diligent studying and analysis of the errors others have made can help people to avoid those same errors. Throughout history, this has been seen. When people have not studied history, they have only made the same errors that generations before them have made. Good academic learning can save people a lot of time gaining their own experience. It can also give people tips for improvement and prepare them for the experiences they will have when they are out in the real world. However, it can also turn out students who have a lot of knowledge in their head but have not practiced the necessary skills and consequently are unable to perform the tasks required of them. An analysis of both experiential learning and academic learning leads to the conclusion that both are necessary and valuable, and that learning is best facilitated when these strategies are used together. A balance of experiential learning and academic learning gives people the necessary information to complete a task and the needed experience to perform it well. The value of this is recognized by many educators. Many college students have internships with real companies that work in the area in which the students are interested. After they have learned from their textbooks and in the classroom, they are given the opportunity to see professionals in action and even to practice what they are learning. I have benefited from this myself. I have done Exchange City, an economics course for students, for several years. The students learn academically through a workbook that teaches them about economics and asks them to complete activities. Then they learn experientially through their experiences at the city with other students. They are given the knowledge necessary to succeed in their experiences and are then allowed to practice what they have learned. In conclusion, we see that it is necessary and valuable for people to learn both experientially and academically. While there is no replacement for experience, academic learning prepares and equips people for their future experiences in the real world and gives them the knowledge they need to succeed. When used together, a balance of academic learning and experiential learning can offer people a quality education.

M, this is another 5 score essay on your part. The main problem that you have with your writing is that you hold back when it comes to offering an insight into your personal experience/s regarding the topic being discussed. That happened twice in this essay. First you discussed the lessons you learned about in the textbook. Then failed to discuss how you learned from the practical applications of the theories you gained from the academic teaching of the book. Your reference to Exchange City suffers from the same problem. If you are to successfully argue the validity of a balanced value between experiential and academic learning, then you must clearly show how this has applied to your learning in real life. Your references are sound. It is just that your personal experience is under developed when that should be the most developed part since you are speaking of a time when you underwent the experience discussed. It should have been the strongest part of the essay. Such strong personal evidence or convictions would help to increase your score to a 6. There are no grammar problems, only discussion presentation problems in your work.

## protect the wildlife means protect ourselves Zoos are often seen as important but poor alternatives to allowing animals to remain in their natural environmentm. Discuss the advangtages and disadvantages of keeping animals in captivity and then give your opinion. It is plausible that zoos has given the nature several positive impacts by preserve animals in capivity. On the other hand, it is argubly desperately condemned that some inevitable consequences cause the animals's aptitude and attitude changing compared to their natural kind in the artificial territories. However, I am strongly convinced that zoos is the most esseintial security system for the wild life. First of all, some negative affects are calling our name worldwide. Animals's natural proliferation beyonded all the dispute will be limited and the zoos certainly to take the most significant responsibilities of the animal's losing their elemental behaviours. For instance, recent studies has indicaed that the animals are getting more and more tedious and regaredless to the others. It leads to a predictable consequence that zoo qualities are worsen day by day. Despite of the terrible influencesn, the reality that animals are traumatically endangered by the illegal hunting while there are no really efficient approaches has been set-up by the gorvenment therefore reduce the biodiversity. Hence, zoos are playing a unreplaceable role in the animals conservation, with the main aim to protect fauna from the brutal deeds. Futhermore, economically speaking, zoos have contributed an paramount prominent globally in nations's economy especially african countries with the prestigious paremeters. In conclusion, I particiularly agree with the statement that zoos are necessary for the human race in order to preservate animals because species interact each other. As a true result, protect the wildlife is protect ourselves.

Hoang, since this is the very first essay that you have written for the IELTS practice test, I will give an allowance for the problems in your writing. For starters, the presentation of your ideas lack coherence. It is difficult to understand your statements in every paragraph due to the problematic grammar and sentence development. This causes stress on the part of the reader because I am unable to immediately understand what it is that you are trying to say. This is an English expression problem, meaning you have difficulty when expressing yourself in English. Another problem with your essay is the format in which you wrote the essay. Rather than giving a stand alone opinion, supported by your own thoughts, concerns, experiences, or examples, you simply agreed with the previous statements that you made in the essay. The essay clearly indicates that you are supposed to deliver an opinion of your own, not a simple agreement. You have to defend your agreement in the form of an opinion statement. These major problems with your essay development and presentation limited the probable score of your work to a 4 in the band score range. While it may be difficult for you to get started in improving your scores, just keep on writing. You will improve your score without even noticing it. The improvement of your score depends upon how you develop in your practice tests.

My first TOEFL indepentdent writing training. **A new restaurant may be built in your neighorhood. Support or opposite this plan?** ## A new, substantial service The number of the substantial services near a community ia an important target to evaluate the people's living standards who living there. One requirement of these services is that they should be convenient. From this viewpoint, I definitely agree if a restaurant is built in my neighbourhood. This new comming "neighbour" can make my family and I eat food whenever we want. It's time saving. We won't need to drive a long way to find a restaurant and suffer from the terrible traffic. This will especially benefit my parents because they are a little old for long time driving. Also, if my family getting familiar with people who are working in this restaurant near my home,they are more likely to take care of my parents when I am working. And they will fulfill my tastes and other demands. Thus they will serve me better than those restaurants far away from my house. Apart from the benifits to my family, this resaurant can taken as a good social place. Because my neighbours will eat there, I can always meet them outside my house. Sharing happiness and making friends with new neighbours. We may have same interests on what's happenning in our community. If anyone needs help, I can give a hand. Although this restaurant may make noise and smoke, as long as it obey the related regulations, I will accept it as my new 'neighbour'.

Lei, you can get a score around 3 on this essay due to a number of problems that have been presented in the essay. For starters, you need to pay more attention to your English spelling. While you are doing your practice tests in a word document, be aware of the red lines that appear under a word. The red line indicates a misspelled word that needs to be corrected. You have numerous wrongly spelled words in the essay such as "comming" (coming) and benifits (benefits). Since spelling is one of the major scoring considerations, you need to make sure that you do not have any mistakes in that area. You also need to develop better English sentence structures for the sake of grammar range and accuracy. You have simple sentences in the essay that are not properly developed, these obscure the meaning of your words and usually results in a misunderstanding or lack of understanding of your statement. While you do have problems with the essay development and presentation, your line of reasoning is good, acceptable, and portrays a clear understanding of the prompt requirements. Good job on that part. If the other 2 sections had only been better, this essay could have easily been a 4.

**Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. *Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?*** ## investigating people Hitherto, the way to investigate people (by sound and image) gets easier by utilizing advanced technology such as wiretapping and camera recording. This will lead drawback for recording persons because they are not aware of such treatment, which will uncover their own privacy. However, I believe advantage outweigh disadvantage because in many cases this condition frequently reveals criminal activity. Monitoring individuals while they perform such action will disrupt their private area, even without their knowledgeable. Due to the reason that persons have their own rights to undergo their lives without any disturbance from others, these persons are able to report who monitor them that take for granted any permissions because numerous countries have decided regulations toward human rights and personal matters. Therefore, it may end up with human right violation that should be retaliated by imprisoning. Having said that, surveillance camera or cellphone tracking will divulge hidden offence activities. In many cases, this will truly happen in communities. A 2015 Kompas published that two third corruption cases were revealed by bugging with listening device, which will lead to know who were involved in such illegal actions. According to Sindo News (2014), 24 cases of residence robbing were disclosed by recording of CCTV (closed-circuit television) cameras of houses. Therefore, I am able to say this will benefit for societies and country in such cases of activity to uncover criminal activity. To conclude, though technology may infringe private area of societies, it will be more positive when it comes to help police to detect invisible crime. To be predicted, it will lead greatly criminal matters to unveil in the future using sophisticated technology. (272 words)

The opening statement is meant to always be an overview of the discussion provided, the instructions for discussion, and the outline of the discussion in the essay. You are not advised to include your opinion or any other information in the opening statement because that particular paragraph is not capable of allowing a complete discussion development due to the expected information presentation coming from that section of the essay. The evidence that you are to include in your essay should come from personal experience or popular information. Not from researched material as you did in this essay. I already explained why in my previous thread. I am trying to teach you how to properly write an essay that will help you to get a passing score. I hope you listen to my advice and apply it to your future work.

Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments. I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance. **Prompt: Colleges need to have a mandatory core curriculum, required classes that all students must take, regardless of their major. Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your reasoning with examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.** ## College study Colleges, intended to provide students with necessary information for life, offer both general and specialized classes. The former are used to provide assistance in broad, necessary subjects, and the latter are used as preparation for specific careers. However, mandatory core classes are no less important than specialized classes and should be required because they skills they teach are essential for life in a modern world. For example, although my father did not major in mathematics, he was required to take certain mathematics classes in college. These classes have been helpful to him in his career and in situations in which he handles money. Similarly, he was required to take certain English classes that have increased his ease of communication in using his degree, just as good communication always opens opportunities. Mandatory core classes are also helpful for parents who aim to help their children achieve success. Although my mother did not major in English, her education in that area is apparent as she helps me and my siblings with our English homework. She also has a broad understanding of literature and mathematics that enables her to help us effectively. Mandatory core classes also help students to begin gaining their degrees with better study skills. English classes, for example, would help students to better understand textbooks and write class essays. In addition, students who have studied in less specialized classes will have better abilities to plan for test preparation when the major tests for their degrees arrive. General classes also offer a less obvious advantage: perseverance. No matter what career I choose, there will always be parts of that career that are unpleasant or outside my comfort zone. However, a broad education and an ability to persevere through awkward assignments will help me to manage problems that are difficult for me. Just last night, my father spoke with me and my siblings about the advantages of college education. Specifically to the topic of mandatory core classes, he told us that such assignments developed his ability to think and to solve problems. He told us that, when he attempts to manage problems to which he is unaccustomed, a broad education and an ability to handle the less specialized assignments provided in such classes as mandatory core classes enable him to manage situations that extend beyond the scope of his specialized degree. Mandatory core classes offer students opportunities beyond their chosen majors. They allow for broader understanding of necessary skills and better capacities for more obscure problems. Colleges that require such classes will find that their students are better equipped to study, and even more importantly, better equipped for life.

M, when you discuss these sorts of essays, do not rely on 3rd party information such as an obviously made up discussion with your father about core curriculum classes. It is always more impressive if you are able to relate the topic of discussion directly to your personal experiences. So, the section where you indicated that the core classes would have a use in your future career should have been reversed. It should have indicated that you have had use for the core curriculum classes that you had in the past in certain aspects of your life. For example, your core knowledge of English led to your taking the CLEP. Your classes in Math help you to balance your checkbook, and other similar information. It is because of these shortcomings in your essay that I think you will get somewhere between a 4 and 5 as a score.

## Culture as shared learning experience. The college attracts students from all over the world to learn from one another and expand their worldviews. This offers students opportunities to make meaningful, lifelong friendships and connections that extend beyond borders. In the college, I live with roommates from countries other than my own. Therefore, I can talk to them about how my culture differs from their own. Intercultural communication makes me get to know myself, to know other people better and learn from other cultures. Social activities are very common in western societies. At the beginning of my college life, I have been invited to a freshman party. There were many incoming Chinese students who have also attended it. In the party, many American were friendly to talk with me. Although I also tried to talk them, I still worried about talking English to Americans because I usually not able to express my ideas clearly to them. The problem in speaking English makes me lost many opportunities to communicate with people from other cultures, which make me difficult to integrate myself into American society and the adaptation of intercultural communication. American culture tends to be open and friendly, but many Chinese students are shy and quiet. It seems like they don't go to the party because they think these chances are pretty low to find common topics with other people they met. Even though in the university more than six months, I still consider myself for local cultural awareness lifestyle are unfamiliar. I have often preferred to choose to meet other people from the same country because of common living habits and communication convenience in an unfamiliar condition. This can make me more quickly to have a sense of belonging and have common topics of communication with them. As an example, every day in the campus dining hall, I am always having a meal with my friends from the same country together and I barely need to speak English. Eventually, this causes I don't have more chance to communicate with those Americans students and still hard to improve my English conversation skills. As a student comes from other countries, I can not fully integrate into American society quickly, but I still remind myself to try to join the activities team and make new foreign friends because these are the best ways to learn and adapt foreign cultures. Cultural differences can create more communication to each other. If do not try to communicate with foreigners, what's the point of study in America? Actually, besides knowledge, I know I should make the best of My experience to study in America and more understand everyone around me, understand others behavior and ways of thinking, learn how to appreciate each other's differences and across the language barriers, even complex cultures. If so, in the process of contact with foreign cultures, I will have more opportunities to deeper understanding of ourselves and breaking own "small circles" for better integration in both campus and local communities. Meanwhile, my college life will become more colorful and meaningful. If you are paying attention to intercultural communication details, you will discover many differences during your stay abroad. For those students who are from foreign countries like me, we were required to face many difficulties and challenges in the United States because we need to adapt to a new life and different cultural conventions in the new environment. The United States has always been a friendly country. The first year in the United States, I have ever been lost in the downtown of Los Angeles. Although I know my English speaking is weak at that time, I still stop and try to ask a passerby for directions. She is a middle-aged foreign lady. I talked to her for a long time, she knew I was lost. Then, this lady not only gives me the walking directions from downtown to Chinatown, but also walked with me a long way. On the way, this lady shared stories about her life in America. She told me when I came to a strange country. It was normal if I don't understand many things. But I shouldn't shy because I need to ask someone for help, so that can help me to understand and be familiar with American life. This event gives me the confidence try to communicate with foreigners and make me know I need to learn more knowledge about American culture because I was living in the United States now. Learning about other cultures is an invaluable experience. Communication is key. We cannot ignore the importance of intercultural communication in our daily life. In the college, I have always been experiencing intercultural communication. When I communicate and cooperate with other students from diverse cultural backgrounds in class, intercultural communication increases the likelihood of misunderstanding. But this is normal because we all hold different cultural backgrounds and have different ideas. As the world gets smaller, intercultural communication offers the ability to across diverse cultures. This means that I should have more and more contact and talking with people who from culturally diverse. At this moment, I get to know the importance of communication. I realized that as long as I was able to communicate with people from different cultural backgrounds efficiently, I will understand and know each other better, thereafter further get to know more about the American culture, even though communicate with them will make me nervous. Through effective conversation, I can resolve the difficulties in intercultural communication between two different cultures and build a good relationship with others. Intercultural communication means people understand another different culture and communicate with others effectively. Learning about other cultures can let me understand how different people live, and see my own culture from the modern viewpoint. With the development of the globalization process, intercultural communication is attracting more and more people's attention and being ever more important. Making friends with people from different cultures always good because I can gain knowledge about their culture and it is a good way to get more understanding. In college, intercultural is mainly reflected from getting along with professors and students from different countries, cultural background and languages. I can get contact of a large diversity of people from all over the world. But it does not mean simple greetings through English. I need try to communicate to resolve differences, seek common ground while reserving differences and express my personal opinions to other people through English. This can continue to encourage and support the smooth progress of intercultural communication in the future.

Sya, remove paragraph 5 from the essay and call it a final form. This essay has improved in presentation and content since the first one that you wrote. At the moment though, it is running a bit too long. The removal of the paragraph I indicated will keep the discussion development and focus of content strictly on intercultural communication without any paragraph fillers. In paragraph four, replace the word "countries" with "country". Since you are referring to yourself and the country that you came from, you must use the singular form of the word instead of the plural form. In paragraph six, rephrase the second sentence to say " My first year in the United States..." In the last paragraph, you have to make the word "But" lower case and remove the period so that the sentence will connect two different ideas into one sentence, which is the purpose of using the word "but" in a sentence. These revisions will bring the essay into a final usable form for yourself. Congratulations on a job well done.

Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments. I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance. **Prompt: Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below. ## What a friendship means to you? Assignment: Is it easier now than ever before to form friendships? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your reasoning with examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences or observations.** Contrary to the claim in Sharon Hendricks's "A Broader Definition of Friendship," the Internet has not made friendships easier to form, but has rather made it more obvious that friendships require personal investment in a deep relationship. Modern social media has made it possible to form superficial connections, but true friendships form by personal interaction, shared experiences, and mutual willingness to sacrifice. On a ten-day family trip, my siblings and I became good friends with one of our cousins. He visited us at our rental house nearly every day, and we played many games of ping-pong with him on the ping-pong table in the garage. I have always felt that there was something about standing there sweating, competing, and having fun that brought us together and made that neccesarily brief relationship something that I will not forget for many years. All of us loved each other and appreciated each other's company. Furthermore, those who attempt to satisfy their social needs with anything other than deep human companionship begin to degenerate emotionally. In George Eliot's Silas Marner, the protagonist, a social outcast, turns to money for friendship. It is not until he discovers and shelters a small child that he begins to find love, joy, and happiness. Similarly, social media causes people to settle for something less than true friendship, and they are unable to enjoy the benefits of relationships until they find a true and personal friend. It has also been overwhelmingly demonstrated that visual clues like body language enhance conversation. Speaking on the telephone is, for me, much more difficult than speaking face to face because all thoughts must be communicated verbally. Written communication is even more difficult because it requires that both body language and voice inflection be imagined by the reciever. Such media for expression of ideas are illustrated in the contrast between reading a transcript of a speech, listening to it on the radio, or watching it on television. Although social media has its share of benefits, friendships are no easier to form than they have been in the past centuries. Deep relationships still require verbal conversation and visual interaction. People should not settle for Internet-based "relationships," but should rather seek to find friends and share with them a part of their lives.

M. out of a score of 6, I would be most inclined to give this essay a 4 due to some faulty examples in the essay. One of the major faults is the justification using Silas Marner as an example of a person who turns to money for friendship. The story is unrelated to the prompt since the idea is that social media makes it easier to form friendships these days. The basis of that story is not rooted in modern times and therefore, cannot relate in concept to the prompt expectations. Then, there is the story of the summer you spent with your cousin. The narration falls short of explaining that a lifelong friendship was formed that summer. A presentation of the methods by which you and your cousin keep in touch and can prove that a friendship exists today, even without social media's influence would have been the best example for this essay. Aside from these faults, your essay pretty much hit the marks set for your discussion. Not a bad job if I do say so.

## Solar power usage to transfer water from low level of soil to the countryside A presented picture reveals the way water pump works with aid of solar power. Generally speaking, it is clearly seen how solar power cells absorb light from the sun to generate water from underground level to fulfill villagers' needs. First of all, to transfer water from low level of soil to the countryside, it requires some supporting equipment. They are solar panel photovoltaic cells, DC power from panel, water tank, and bore pump. Material used in this process is mainly solar power from sunlight. In the beginning, solar panel is built next to the immersed-bore pump, which goes down underground after drilling to be well. Afterwards, substantial amount of light is captured by the solar cells that are transformed to be electricity through DC power. Secondly, such converted current will encourage water from the lowest level of well turning up. Water will be gone up to water tank by helping of electricity, which will be flown in to the village. Next, it will be utilized by societies in various necessities. (170 words) *

I will not repeat the suggestion details anymore because I already explained it in the previous thread observation that I posted. It is in the earlier part of the first paragraph discussion. We are not allowed to repeat information in the threads so you have to read it again. Doing so will also help you to develop your analytical reading skills, which will come in handy when you do your next practice test. Yes you can discuss just the materials needed in one paragraph. That is because the diagram clearly explains how each material is used and as such, the use of the material can be included in the paragraph. This creates a strong basis for the pumping procedure in your essay discussion. I will not write any more examples for you. I have explained enough of the problems with your essay. Showing you how to write this essay properly, after it has been scored will be useless. Just do better in your next practice test by applying the advice you were given for this exercise.

**Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.** ## Different jobs for both gender With the rising of women's consciousness, there are more and more people advocate gender parity. Especially in work place, men dominate the more high positions than women do currently. I believe the government should protect a certain quota of the high-level jobs for women. The first reason is, obviously, men and women are definitely different in physical aspects. Thus, when it comes to the job regarding physical factor, for example, cement porter, women tend to show the less abilities than men do. Besides labor conditions, there is no reason for women to reach the same achievement as men do. The next reason I am on the position of supporting the government reserve the jobs for women is that it can stimulate the diversities. Because of sexual stereotype, the public often think women are emotional and cannot think as logical as men do. In my opinion, that argument is quite unfair since men are equal mad and exaggerated. Hence, women can use this kind of personality adequately, thinking in more considerate and detailed ways. Particularly for the higher positions, they usually need to manager people. I suppose that having more gender can boost more spark in career. Having said that, the opposite people argue that the behavior of limiting the certain percentage for specific gender is ironically against the parity itself. However, the history proofs that women had been treated as second people for a long time. Compare to men, women got the working right after World War two, which was less than a hundred year to now. Therefore, I strongly support that ensuring the women working right is the right path toward a equal society. To conclude, it seems reasonably clear that the government should be encouraged to make a growth of high position quantity for women.

Arlen, in your opening statement, you strongly support the idea that positions should be reserved for women. However, you run a counter argument to that in the next paragraph. Rather than contradicting yourself, that paragraph should have instead, indicated that there is a difference between men and women, but that the difference does not lessen the capacity of a woman to succeed in a male field or work. The rest of your reasoning aligns itself properly with the prompt requirements and shows that you are capable of defending your stance, even if it is in a limited English writing capacity. While there are mistakes in your sentence development, it does not distract too much from your sentiment in the essay. So the essay has some pretty good points that can gain it a score of 5 overall. The low score stems from the situation that paragraph 2 created for your essay.

Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments. I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance. **Prompt: Agree or disagree with the following statement: "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves."** ## people set their own goals I disagree with the statement that "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves." From my own observations and understanding of people, I have learned that many people use self-made goals to challenge themselves to improve and to accomplish their ambitions, and that these goals are often those that the person believes they can achieve. I set many goals for myself, but I only set goals that I believe I can accomplish. I believe that when setting goals, it is important to require hard work of ourselves and to stretch ourselves to achieve real accomplishments. However, I think it is also true that the repeated setting of unrealistic goals that are repeatedly left unachieved often results in discouragement for the person making the goals. Throughout history many people, such as Abraham Lincoln, have set challenging goals for themselves and through their hard work, have achieved their ambitions. Achievable goals are not those that require no work, but those that require work that could reasonably be accomplished. People do not tend to set impossible goals, or those they believe are impossible. In many cases, the most difficult goals to accomplish are actually those set for us by others. Many people are pushed to succeed in different activities, in which they may not be interested or at which they may not excel. When people set their own goals, they are motivated by their own desire to achieve excellence and they are encouraged by their belief that with enough hard work, they can accomplish their dreams. However, people can be motivated by others who believe in them. Teachers, parents, friends, and relatives can motivate people they know to accomplish by encouraging them to achieve their full potential. Potential for improvement that we do not recognize can be recognized by others. This can benefit someone greatly. However, the person must set themselves to the task and determine to actually achieve something. The life of Dr. Carson illustrates this well. His mother pushed him to achieve more than was being expected of him or than he expected of himself. Eventually he became motivated and he ended up achieving great things that he might not have otherwise achieved. I have found many of these things to be true in my own experience as well. I would say that there are no goals as motivating as the ones we set for ourselves. When someone really desires to achieve something, they are not easily defeated.

M, with the highest possible score for this essay being a 6, I would have to say that your work is around a 4. I based my score of your reading on the varied and sometimes confusing method of discussion that you took to approach the prompt requirement. You said that you disagree with the statement and yet, throughout the essay, you make conflicting references to your stance in the paper. Statements such as the following: *However, I think it is also true that the repeated setting of unrealistic goals that are repeatedly left unachieved often results in discouragement for the person making the goals.* reflect that instead of discussing one point of view, as the prompt requires, you have chosen to discuss both points of view instead. A thorough reading of your essay will prove that point. It is in your best interest, meaning you will get a higher score if you stick to the instructions of the prompt. In this case, had you not referred to the other stance for the discussion in your essay, you could very well have scored a 6 in the presentation. Your reasons, where applicable, were actually very strong and offered points that the reader could relate to in a real world level. So, it was just a slight mishap with the discussion format that pulled back your essay score from my point of view.

**The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. *Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant*.** ## Sales numbers comparison The two pie charts compare how four types of retails have been sold online in New Zealand (measured in percentage) in 2003 and 2013. Overall, it is clearly that considerably customers ordered for trip online. However, the position was overtaken by selling of digital sound and digital image later. At first glance, in 2003, numerous people highly booked for traveling through e-commerce and only a few of online shopping purchaser bought clothes on the internet. Selling through online trip agency saw 36 percent in New Zealand, which was 12% smaller than clothing sales. A decade later, those items decreased slightly in which clothes were almost three times larger of declining numbers of journey ticket selling at less than a third. On the other hand, entertainment witnessed popular selling in 2013. Film or music was highly sold in which its selling was mentioned as the biggest inclined from 2003 to ten years later by 11 percent. This doubled of book selling percentage at more than a fifth at the end of the period recording. (173 words) *

Nur, while it is good that you have learned how to remove the mechanical representation of information in your summary essay by using comparison sentences, it is still important that you use the actual percentage data in the essay. This will prove to be supporting evidence to your paraphrased representation of the figures involved. It also allows you to double check your claims regarding information you are presenting in a different manner from the figures. However, your descriptions regarding the figures origins do not tally with the original figures. You made assumptions of facts that was not indicated in the essay such as online booking for ticket sales, online shopping and other similar claims when the pie chart notes do not indicate such a description. This partially removes the validity of the information you are providing and as such, would earn this essay a score of 4.

## studying english makes me happy Hi, my name is Quoc, i am studying english at Vietnam University of Agriculture, so i can speak 2 languages, but my english skill is not fluent. Studying english bring to me very much happy and very much exciting. I really love it. If i take C1 degree in the future, I can sutudy abroad, that is my best dream. Especialy, i learn with amazing friends, my english class is called english A2, that class is very funny. Athough I start learning English from beginer, but with my friends and my teachers I do not have much nervous to pass B1+ degree. After 5 months i feel much better than old. I am confident to speak English and do grammar exercise. However, i have a few problem with my second language it is about speaking skill, grammar and listening skill. Grammar is very wide and a lot of details. It ishardest skill for me. That problem stil can solve because i have 11 weeks to prove those skills. I promise myself " keep calm and after few years i could study abroad".

Quoc, the instruction is asking you to talk about your favorite language, not your favorite language class. There is a difference. English is a language that you enjoy speaking while English class is a method of learning the language. There lies the difference and mistake in your discussion. When you talk about your favorite language, you have to explain why you like this language. The explanation can include, an interest in English culture and society. a favorite singer or type of music such as rap, R&B, or something similar. These are reasons why English can be considered your favorite language. What you presented are reasons why English is your favorite class. Which is not what this discussion is all about. Speaking of English class, did you notice that you did not follow the English grammar rules regarding sentence structuring? There are no capitalized letters at the beginning of your sentences, a direct violation of the English writing rules. Be conscious of these simple errors as these show a total disregard and respect for the grammar rules of the language.

**Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?** ## railways vs roads - which deserve a bigger priority? It is sometimes argued that governments should charge on railways instead of roads. Personally, I completely agree with this idea. On the one hand, taking a train as transportation can both reduce congestion and make people healthier. Commuters who drive cars to their workplaces are often get stuck in the rush hours due to too many cars driven to their destinations at the same time. However, taking public transportation, such as train, can not only save much money, but also prevent people from being late. Furthermore, the amount of CO2 produced by train is obviously less than by cars. This will reduce air pollution and keep residents stronger and healthier. Governments and local councils should focus on railways with financial supports to encourage more people to take. On the other hand, most people can not live without roads, especially the residents living in the mountains or rural areas. They completely depend on roads to connect downtowns or rural areas that provide them with enough food and groceries. If governments don't fix or build roads anymore, people will have hard time meeting their basic needs. To take Taiwan as an example, roads are very easy to be damaged by typhoons, and the fixation must be done as soon as possible to avoid people lack of food and help. Government should regularly spend enough money on roads, or there will be a great impact on people. In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of spending money on railways are more significant than on roads.

Qi, you could have done a better job with your paraphrasing in the opening statement by dividing the single line presentation in the original prompt into 2 sentences. Then followed it up by your agreement of the discussion, without beginning a discussion at that point. the first statement should never be more than an overview of the forthcoming discussion. The second paragraph could have compared the expenses of the government between the road and railway in terms of practicality and usability to the public. It is in the second statement where you should have opened the discussion with the term "Personally..." because this is a personal opinion essay that need not discuss the basis of the original prompt. Your conclusion is another problematic part of the essay because it is a single sentence. In order to properly write a conclusion, you must accurately develop a concluding statement based upon the existing information in the essay you created. Wrap it up with a similar summary to the opening statement and you would have written more than 254 words with an increased possible score. This way though, I think the essay can only score a 5 due to the indicated problems regarding how you addressed the task and formatted your response.

## Aspects of social media popularity The body images promoted and shared by social media are definitely harmful to the society as a whole, even to be precise, every person of the community.Ever since the breakthrough in technology level, there is several social media advent onto the market such as Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat.As a result, TV or print media can no longer dominate solely.People can receive different information while surfing through those mass media.However, they failed to provide flawless information or even deliberately mislead the citizen occasionally.One typical example is body image and so this essay will argue that those images presented by the media are lethal in a way that it deliver the wrong message and undermine our self-image and the society eventually. To begin with, social media may help cultivating a perfect body image which is unattainable, leading to giving out the wrong message.The statistics from the National Center for Health revealed that the average American woman weighs about 169 pounds but the fashion model weighs only about 120 pounds.("Body image in",n.d.) Moreover, people are receiving almost 5000 advertisements each day("Is your daughter",n.d.) so it is not surprising for them to assume those images perceived from the media is typical.Hence, result in a study showing 66% of girls believe that the media 'woman' causes dieting("Is your daughter",n.d.)as they might treat themselves being abnormal from others. Apart from this superficial phenomenon, the underlying threat is more concerning.The media along with advertisers are promoting a message that in order to become attractive and lose weight, wrong eating habit is acceptable(Zeiger,n.d.).So, it is expected that several eating disorders like anorexia are likely to happen and people who suffer from it may adopt dieting, consequently, impose a fatal threat to their body in the long run. On the other hand, Self-image may become vulnerable under social media given that people's body images are purely constructed by peer's recognition.One unique feature of social media is that people can instantly response to anything they interested in by clicking 'like' or 'dislike'.Taking selfie is so epidemic nowadays and it allows people to earn self-satisfaction based on their appearance or body image.(Simmons,2016) One research named Children, Teens, Media, and Body Image found that 27% of teens felt stressed about how they look on a photo.(Knorr,2017)To further explain such worry, one critical factor should not be forgotten.Despite the fact that there is no absolute standard of beauty exist, people may still uphold a universal aesthetic standard which simply about thinness promoted by mass media and such belief can never fit everyone in the society.However, people may fail to realise such important point and comments others arbitrarily.As a result, such self-image will become vulnerable and easily destructed by others' comments as there is a strong correlation between body image and self-image.Besides, individuality is inhibited as everyone are forced to compromise to one 'mutual' accepted aesthetic standard shown by media. While some would argue that the mass media are neutral or even positive in the sense that it provide a platform for circulating information and allow those used to silence become heard.Generally, there is no doubt that everyone has equal opportunity to access the social platform and express their views.But one incident reminds us is the concession of a magazine towards their customers.New Woman, an Australian magazine, received a barrage of complaints from the advertisers after included a heavy-set model on their cover.(Violence,2011)It's undeniable that advertising income is vital to the mass media so they refused to promote heavy-set model again.Therefore, it is clear that social media consider their own interest while sharing body images, no matter in which form of media with what reason.What is more shocking is that those images on media are modified before published.A video produced by Dove clearly show without artificial processes like makeup, those model won't be as attractive as they are in an advertisement.(Macleod,2006)They do so as they think it can help boosting their sale.From the above, it is manifest to conclude social media is promoting an unattainable body image to the public which deters the society to receive a more realistic body image in the end. In conclusion, body images presented and shared by social media are not as perfect as they are.One should realise there is no ideal body image nor aesthetic standard exists unless post-processing.So it is not necessary to value others' opinion as heavy as they are.The mass media should stop portraying any so-called flawless body image and one should understand as long as you lives in a comfortable way, you are beautiful in any aspect.

Henry, your essay shows that you were given a topic to write about which is of huge importance or interest to you. This can be seen through the thorough research you made in relation to your discussion and defense of your personal opinions regarding body image concepts as promoted by the media. I cannot fault your discussion on the basis of reason, but your grammar development can use some work. There are some instances when the term you used may apply but not be appropriate for the use in the sentence. Not to worry though, it still made the statement understandable. Your English skills are good in terms of the written word. you have managed to get your points across to the reader even as you sometimes struggle with your presentation. Overall, this is a pretty good attempt at English writing. One word of advice though, if you are not writing a research paper and you are just aiming to practice your English writing, there is no need for you to cite sources and other research paper related elements. Just write in a straightforward and personal manner so that you can actively practice your first person writing skills.

## Just give them money It is true that international organisation are joining hands in helping developing countries. While some people believe that they should give nations practical support and suggestion, I would argue that it is more beneficial when helpers provide them with money. Hands- on aid and advice brings about both positive and negative effects. In fact, it is a common way to pass well-accumulated knowledge and experience on to poorer countries of antiquated technology. Vietnam milk manufacturers, for example, have brought their domestic products to Europe, United States, Japan...,which is likely an incredible success, thanks to their application of standard process of feeding cows transferred by FAO- a famous universal association. On the other hand, it is clear that the more advice intercontinental institution provide for the third world, the more depending they become. Authorities will not have any motivation to be creative, hard-working and active to get to the bottom of national problems. In other words, their national destination depends on oversea consultancy; as a result, they are always in the boring circle of poverty regardless of foreign assistance. Furthermore, there are fundamental differences among nations and it turns out to be unsuitable for foreigners to apply their mindset to education incentives or diplomatic process in developing countries. By receiving money from international aid, the third world countries could easily utilize their own comparative advantages to gain economic success, which is the root of stable progress in any countries. Firstly, government are able to spend money building infrastructure, such as transport system, port facilities,... in order to attract more foreign investment. Secondly, if companies there are accessible to low interest of rate from the universal bank, they will take advantage of low-cost labor force, cheap raw material available in host countries to reduce manufacturing cost. Therefore, they might compete well with the challenging world market and make a great contribution to the economic prosperity. It is undeniable that financial help gives firm more and more chances to be successful in the long-term. To sum up, I believe that it is more advantageous for developing countries to receive money than practical aid and suggestion.

Nguyen, please provide the complete prompt requirement every time you post your essay for review. The prompt requirement helps us to identify the points for analysis within your essay. I am able to do this without the prompt because of my familiarity with the exam questions. However, the others who are not familiar with the question but want to help you will be unable to do so. The prompt requirement is for their benefit. Now, as far as the this essay is concerned, the actual requirement is for you to do a comparison analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of giving international aid to poor countries. Based on that prompt requirement, this essay will immediately fall under the score range of 3 because you did not properly discuss the essay. There was no reference to a disadvantage within your essay and you made the whole presentation a personal opinion paper. Since your opinion is not required by the prompt, there was no need for your to take ownership of the discussion. Thus the failing score. Even your concluding sentence is not appropriate for the discussion. It is only a single sentence when the requirement is a minimum of 3 sentences. Writing 352 words in this essay is not going to help if you did not discuss the essay in the manner instructed by the prompt requirements.

## public services are more important than arts **Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?** Many people believe that it is a waste of public money to finance art and cultural events, since there are more important issues to deal with. I do not agree with this idea, as I am persuaded that art is a fundamental part of human identity and a powerful mean of communication. It is often claimed that art is useless and, therefore, not worthy to be spent much money on. The supporters of this view think that the government budget should be mainly allocated to public services such as health structures, food production and distribution and urban maintenance. In fact, these services are intended to address practical needs which are necessary to human survival. In my opinion, it is undeniable that priority must be given to these relevant aspects of everyday life, but human beings require more than the mere satisfaction of primary needs. People need beauty in their lives and they need ways to communicate their feelings and abstract ideas. This is the main purpose of art, the reason why it has been practised since the origins of our species. Moreover, promoting the artistic national heritage can be turned into an additional source of income, since most of the tourists visiting a country are attracted by its monuments and museums and they are likely to pay money to visit them. In conclusion, I think it is important that a large amount of the government investment goes into public services in order to provide all the citizens with a good quality of life. However, the arts should not be forgotten because culture is vital to our soul as food is to our body.

Martina, your opening statement, which is the prompt overview, was not properly represented in the essay. It is important that you learn how to represent the prompt requirements in the expected manner rather than the method that you think is correct. A proper prompt overview contains the following elements: 1. A restatement of the prompt discussion based upon your understanding of the topic 2. An outline representation of the discussion to follow, without immediately presenting any discussion data. Your first 2 paragraphs would have worked well as a combined opening statement instead of this separate representation. The separate paragraphs make the fact that you did not properly paraphrase the prompt requirements obvious to the examiner. As such, the TA score will immediately and seriously affected. Aside from the problematic opening statement, your essay actually represents the discussion in a more than acceptable manner. I think you could score something along the lines of 5 in an actual setting.

the prompt says: **The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India** ## statistics of utilized foods over the world in 2008 The three different charts illustrate the percentage of four different categories of foods utilized over the globe in 2008, especially the comparison between China and India. Overall, it is clear that in China, India and the world, the vast majority of food consumed was processed food. By contrast, nuts and seeds are the lowest consumption. With the regard to the most prevalent foods, approximately 41% of processed food in the world was utilized, compared to about 34% and 39%, respectively in China and India. In the planet, the consumption of vegetables and fruits gained 29%. The figure of vegetables and fruits in India occupied 23% while the number of fruits and vegetables represented more 9% in China, nearly 32% The consumption of animal food stood at 15% in China. The world and India indicated the virtually identical level of use of animal food, between 26% and 27% successively. While people in the world utilized slight the figure of nuts and seeds, in the region of 4%, Chinese and Indian customers used considerably the number of nuts and seeds, at 19% and 11%, in turn. *

To, there is no secret to achieving a score of 7 in the IELTS. That is a score that can only be achieved if you increase your understanding and knowledge of the English language. If you are focusing on English learning outside of the regular practice tests, such as watching English programs, reading English material, and familiarizing yourself with the English vocabulary either through dictionary reading (for proper word meaning), or a thesaurus ( for word variation learning), then you will be able doing English activities that will help you further increase your score. However, this is not done overnight. You can't memorize a dictionary, nor can you memorize a thesaurus. This happens over a period of time. If you have not spoken or if you were not exposed to the English language from the day you were born, then you will need a lifetime to achieve native speaker level. However, the English learning advice I gave you above will be able to help you better prepare for the test. Will it garner you a score of 7? Maybe, if you truly apply yourself from now until you take the test.

**There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional ...** ## music is the food of a soul It is often said that music is the food of a soul in our life perform on a way of living. There are many people who cannot live without music. I think that music is like a tasty that no measure can be said the importance of different types of music is. Some people may still listen to tradition music because there are kinds of music that people listening are of different taste and types. An example, a teenager may like to listen to modern music and elder may listen to tradition music because music is the main way of passing from generation to generation. Therefore, traditional music is a vital part of human culture and part of our life story. Furthermore, traditional music bear the old history and lifestyles and tradition of a country. These days, no matter what kind of music people listen, because music has been a part of our daily life, and the listeners will decide what music to listen and it greatly depend on upon mood, time, level and age. For instance, Chinses lords paid a musician to play relaxing music, while poor people played living folk music for fun. In fact, people prefer to listen to their favourite list and listening to music that can be a response to their needs. To conclusion, music is a necessary part of human existence, and both of music are expressing and arouses in a way that words cannot, So it is difficult to imagine a life without music.

Nutwarara, the essay that you wrote will earn you a score of 4 because you did not properly discuss the prompt requirements. I am very familiar with the prompt for this IELTS Task 2 topic because of the number of essays that have already been written about it at this forum. The reason that you failed is simple. For starters, you misrepresented the paraphrasing of the prompt requirements. There is no reference to either the correct topic for discussion nor the method for discussion given in the original instructions. You were being asked to respond to two questions, with examples provided along with your response. The questions are: 1. Do we need music? 2. Is traditional music more important than international music? Your response tries to respond to the questions but in an underdeveloped manner that shows a lack of understanding of the prompt requirements. a deeper discussion of the traditional music necessity in comparison to international music was warranted in the essay. Due to the extremely short response you wrote, you fell short of properly explaining your stance on the issue. Which resulted in a perception that you did not understand what the instructions of the essay were. Specially in the part that asked if we need music in our lives. Your reasoning was very short and irrelevant to the rest of the discussion. The response to that should have been supportive of the traditional music discussion. In this case, writing more, in reference to your response and evidence presented, should have helped to increase your score.

## common corruption corruption is a menace for every country.it weakens the pillar of a country .corruption is considered an evil for a society because it plays an important role in increasing crime in a society .corruption has different categories .the worst form is the injustice because crime prevails in a society where there is no justice .politicians businessmen and civil servants are the most immediate beneficiaries of corruption because they get the most from corruption by using their power and position .though corruption exist in developed countries too but the most affected are underdeveloped countries because in underdeveloped countries people do not have an access to basic needs of life so they do not have much concern to other problems they face . it is an established fact that there is a nexus between corruption and terrorism because ill gotten money is often used in terrorism financing and sometimes used in heinous crimes . corruption is a mother of all evils because it makes the ground for other crimes too.most affected class from this menace are the middle and lower class because when they are unable to pay bribe they face discrimination and how their fate shattered

Fahad, your writing is good for a beginner. There is a logic to what you are saying and your examples help to enhance your paragraphs. I have a problem with your grammar though. Please review the grammar rules regarding capitalization and punctuation. You need to capitalize the first word of every new sentence and also, create a space between the end of a sentence (as indicated by the period) and the next word in order to create a space that aids the reader in understanding what you have written. While I know that you are just writing this for practice, I have to say that you have written an essay that, although short in discussion, is comparable to the best English writing practice tests that have been posted here. Keep up the good work. You are on the right track for a newbie.

**Q: Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations, while others think that it is practical aid an advice that is needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.** ## Finding a better solution Nowadays, developing countries, especially those that are not affluent, are searching for financial aid from developed ones owing to economical increase. Nevertheless, I myself tend to think that it is somehow far better for those countries to ask for practical help and useful advices from international organizations. It has been a hot debate that the financial help is a suitable way for impoverished countries since it provides money as a solution for an array of issues. For instance, a country facing starvation can produce the number of people who are being killed by hunger by receiving money and apply food as well as clothing or a better condition for them to inhabit. However, everything has its own pros and cons. Receiving financial help is nothing but to raise your debt with the international organizations. In other words, financial help is just a short-term solution compared to practical help. Financial help has its massive good aspects that make it becomes prevalent, but in my opinion, advice and practical aid is outweighed in many ways. Although practical help is complicated to progress and need a long time to conduct, it is somehow a long-term solution for countries that are facing with poverty. It helps the government and also the civilians gaining the awareness of solving all the issues by themselves. For example, in Japan, everyone was taught to face with earthquake by a myriad of ways and to deal with the problem of recovering the city after that disaster. By doing this, both the government and the citizens get used to the catastrophe and their country still highly develop despite the frequently earthquake. In conclusion, the financial aid provides many merits but it is just a short-term solution to face with poverty. Governments should concentrate on advice and practical aid for a long-term solution one from international organizations, which somehow is a better way to get rid of poverty and difficulty developing countries are facing.

No bother at all Anais. I think you will see where your faulty paraphrasing came in with the example that I will be giving you for this prompt. When you are faced with a discussion of two sides and a personal opinion essay, you have to discuss the essay in the format that I provided to you in the previous thread. Always take your time in analyzing the topic and instructions you are given for the essay in order to gain a high score in the TA section. Prove that you understand the English language enough to actually follow the instructions and your score should have a chance to be higher than it would normally be. So for this prompt I would have written it this way: *These days, it is not uncommon for first world countries to help developing countries. This has led to a discussion as to the best way to actually the newly developing nations. Would it be better to give these areas of the world financial help coming from international organizations like the UN and World Bank? Or would it be better to just guide these countries by advising them on how to handle their economy so they can develop instead? In this essay, I will offer an analysis of both sides before offering my personal opinion as relevant to the discussion.* As you can see, I aimed to use the full 5 sentence allotment for the paraphrasing and opening statement. When you use the full 5 sentences per paragraph allowance, you have a tendency to better discuss the prompt and also, offer more solid explanations on your part. When it comes to scoring, there is a better chance for an increased LR and GRA score in that instance.

Hello guys, please give me writing feedback to improve my writing skill please. Thank you in advance ***Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.*** ## job satisfaction and the sense of recognition These days, some people hold the opinion that the most important aspect of a job is the size of money you earn. Whereas, many people have the negative attitude in which they consider things like job satisfaction far superior when it comes to the selection of a career. I strongly agree with latter. The reasons are presented below. Admittedly, money provides a better life materially. But, as we explore the facts beyond the selection of a job, there are myriad of factor that go together in selecting a job. Without any doubt, nobody can deny the important role of money plays in our daily life. Nevertheless, since we take other aspects of a job into consideration such as precious skills and experiences one gain from the job, prospect of the job and social status, you might doubt whether money is the main determining factor for choosing a job? Is not too much narrow this belief? Furthermore, having a glance at scientists' lives reveal the fact that some of them spend their whole lives inventing new things, exploring mysterious things and innovating new technology. We can say, it is the spirits they have, contributions they have made to all human beings, great findings and inventions they have left to us makes them giant! Thanks to them, the society is developing faster and faster. Can we say that what they do is for the sake of money? There is a never-ending list to follow in addition what I mentioned above, like flexible working hours, free insurance, and others that lure the aspirants to take up the job. In my view, job satisfaction and the sense of recognition are the prime factors to choose a position.

Mohsen, there are a number of reasons as to why you cannot score higher than a 5 with this essay. It all has to do with two simple things, you presented questions without answers in your paragraphs, which is a contradiction of the rules when it comes to writing academic essays, and you used the word "but" in the wrong manner. When you write an essay of this sort, you are not being prevented from asking questions in the paragraphs. However, you are expected to offer responses to the question you posted either through the presentation of evidence or an explanation of the opinion. In this instance, you failed to do either in both paragraphs. Therefore, your essay lost points in the TA section. As for the word "But", it cannot be used to start a sentence as per academic grammar writing rules. In order to use the word "But" in the sentence, you need to have first introduced an idea which you are contradicting in the next part of the sentence. It can only be used on the middle of a sentence to connect the two ideas. It cannot be used at the start because there are no ideas to connect at that point.

**Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?** ## poverty and unemployment the main cause of the crime rise? Daily newspaper headlines publish a plethora numbers of criminal on many kinds of offenses. I believe this account is caused by the condition of civilians trapped in poverty and as many as unemployment recorded. Therefore, to deal with this case, government should aid poor societies and should open job opportunity to employ them. Persons who are miserable are likely to commit a crime. Since their conditions sometimes force them to fulfill their needs instantly. They frequently get confused to make a living and chances to offend often widened-open. For instance, a beggar who begs on the bus and looks on a standing-man's pocket suddenly pick a man's item in a chance. The same happens to idleness persons, who give up looking for a job and transforming to be a gangster member. To satisfy their necessity, they often commit a crime such as mugging, knife crime, pocket picking, and valuable theft. To prevent a crime rate happening in daily life, government should take quick actions. Authority is able to give help to the poor by supporting capital to assist them launching enterprise. This will guide poor individuals for getting daily revenue. For jobless societies, government should collaborate with such corporations/companies to hire employees, especially those who are unemployed. They will be trained to improve their work capacity as well as skilled workers. To sum up, criminal activity is able to cut down when we meet with the solutions of causations. We should take a lot of concern, mainly on human development work either skill or ability to make money. Since offenses frequently connect to low financial and hard economy condition, leading low class to commit illegal actions. (276 words)

Nur, I would like to call your attention to a number of problems in your essay which resulted in my considering this particular written exercise a 4. It all stems from the way that you developed the essay and the grammar problems that you have in the sentences that you developed. For starters, pay attention to the prompt requirements that you were given. You know what you are supposed to do with the prompts provided right? The expectation is that you will deliver a paraphrased version of these discussions and instructions within your opening statement. Instead of doing that, you immediately launched into a discussion of the topic instead. You began offering information and lengthy considerations in the opening statement rather than just presenting the required elements. The required elements are a paraphrased prompt, the paraphrased discussion instructions, and an indication of how these elements are to be discussed in the essay. You need to work on your sentence structure and development. In the opening statement, the correct presentation would have been "plethora OF numbers". Practice using connector words in order to create a logical statement. I know that you did your best to develop complex sentences. However, you did not successfully progress beyond the problematic basic sentences because of the missing connector words and the improper use of terms (idleness persons should have been "idle persons"). Finally, the concluding statement should never have additional information, specially in the notable number that you presented in your conclusion. It is impossible to develop a proper explanation for new ideas at that point, which is why it is advised that the writer not do that in the concluding statement. Rather, a quick wrap up of the discussion is preferred.

Hello , could you please check my task 2, academic writing , any advice to improve to band 7 **These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with?** ## children not engaged in school activities One of the most controversial issues these days is how a quite difficult to children to concentrate with their teachers at school. There is a plethora number of people who discuss several major reasons. Many others, however, suggest several effective solutions. I plan to consider both sides in the following paragraphs. some people put forward many strong reasons and the wakefulness is one of them. According to the recent studies which conducted in the US and some European countries in 2015, only 20% of pupples who get sleep enough. While 80% do not have sufficient sleep or even stay up until the go to school on the next day. Another decisive point is the teacher`s performance. Some teachers are still used the quite conventional ways to explain their lessons in this modern era. That means children will feel bored then they hard focus due to nothing to lured them. As we can see, this is the tip of the iceberg among various causes. On the other hand, many people discuss several factual solutions such as organization. A parent should regulate their kid's life and that will affect directly on their children`s levels in the school and on their focus in particular. For instance, if the children sleep early, they will go to their classes with a wide awake and totally focus. The second extremely important undoing is the general atmosphere of learning which should be attractive. Hince, the school management capable of helping them with simple things. A particular perfect example is a class should be painted and decorated with attractive and energetic colors such as orange, yellow and green. clearly, it is easy to find workable solutions to such problem. To put in a nutshell, I pen down saying that the solutions will work better and quicker if the parents the school work together.

Okaeef, the score for this essay is 3 and it is not just because of the failing score that your lexical resource and grammar accuracy brings to your overall score consideration. The main problem with your essay is that you did not understand the prompt requirements. Which is why you ended up discussing a related topic. It is a related topic that does not address the prompt requirements properly. The prompt expected you to do only 2 things. The first, is discuss one or two reasons as to why children cannot concentrate on their lessons in school. The second, is how the problem can be dealt with. Your discussion though, focused on discussing "both sides" of an issue that was never present in the prompt requirement. You did not understand the demands of the essay and therefore, delivered a totally wrong discussion of the topic that was provided. It is because of your weak comprehension skills, which relate to task accuracy that your overall score was pulled down, resulting in your failing score.

## changes in chinese education Elsewhere in the land of China's education,things move slowly but trouble is brewing：a spate of universities start recruiting students from senior high school on their own.Heated fights over this problem is about whether it is an appropriate moment for China's universities to start an independent recruiting. Some people have a certain standing.They think such movement marks an important step.Now the universities can recruit elites from high school and give them a better education so that they could acquire more knowledge which is very important for their future career and life.But others believe such recruitment will not be straightforward.It will make the education in China become more inbalanced and the plight of inequality in education might worsen.And with such a tide,the abuse of power and authority in education would be growing. Given the loot at stake, I think higher education and knowledge should go hand in hand.It's too early for those universities start independent recruiting.They need time to prove it whether it's worthwhile.Chine's educationis not perfect enough to embrace such change and it still needs to be amended.

Rayli, you have an under developed opening statement. It seems like you are presenting the discussion to the reader from the middle of the discussion instead of at the very beginning. In order to better develop your essay, you have to first, state a proper thesis statement in the essay. What is the background of the recruiting discussion? Why has it become a heated topic? Why do you say "Elsewhere in China"? What was happening before this? Somehow, I feel like you have not provided me with the complete essay for consideration. There are too many missing elements in the first paragraph that make the second paragraph questionable. Please clarify those points before you proceed with any editing work on this essay. I want to be sure that you are going in the right direction.

**The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary** ## uk goods on the roads The line graph below depicts the different modes of transportation used by the country United Kingdom during the period of 1974 to 2002 for transporting the commodities by using road, water,rail and pipeline. Overall it is seen that large share of their goods were transported through road transportation during this years and only less amount of goods were transported through pipelines. During the year 1974 around 70 million tones of goods were transported using road transportation and it is shown its slightly increasing through out the year except 1982 and in between 1990's and 1994 after that it is showing a hike and it reaches close to 100 million tones. Eventhough the least amount of commodities are transported through pipeline but it is showing a continuous increment throughout the year and in the year 2002 it is increased from least amount to above 20 million tonnes. Also it is clear from the line diagram that close to 40 million tonnes of goods in U.K. are transported by water and railways. Water transportation shows around 60 million tonnes were transported by them and they raised their share to abound 60 by the year 2002. While railways are fluctuating up and down during this periods but the railways never come up above 40 till 2000 and by 2002 it's showing a slight improvement and it comes up slightly above 40. *

Sajeemaka, since you wrote 228 words, you were able to increase your LR and GRA scores for this essay. This helped to improve the overall score even though the TA was missing some elements from the chart in your presentation. That missing element is the year when the rail and water transportation of commodities overlapped. That happened in 1979, so the year should have been indicated in the presentation of the information. Never omit to use the dates provided when given because these are small, but important parts of the presentation. It greatly increases the chances for an improved score. Overall though, I believe you did just enough to score a maximum of 6 with this essay. That score can further be improved once your presentation goes beyond the obvious and shows more analytical skills in your consideration of the presented graph information.

## world petroleum production The bar graphs compare the proportion of world petroleum production and the amount of its usage per year in the same regions. Generally speaking, Middle East countries are the largest home of oil producers. However, its consumption is far below the countries in Asia. A closer look at the detail of the bar graph, while countries of Middle East take the first position of oil resources, two regions in the world are almost a par percentage of oil productions. They are Eastern Europe and Africa, which yield 6.58 percent and 6.38 percent of grease production consecutively. These are eight times lower than Middle East does. On the other hand, Canada's oil resources are double of Central and South America's yielding at 14.84%. All mentioned countries consume an average percentage of oil at around 6% below. Meanwhile, the other regions producing less oil seem to utilize a great deal of oil consumption. Asia is the biggest petroleum consumer among the big regions at 26.21% by which twelvefold of its resources percentage. It has around 1% lower than United States use. However, Australia and New Zealand are the least grease resources, which utilize the least oil so. (195 words) *

It would be better if you do not include any actual information in the overview summary. The summary is only supposed to provide the paraphrased prompt and the line of discussion you will be presenting so an example of how to write this prompt would be as follows: *For this essay, I will be discussing a summary of the world oil resources in proportion to the countries that create them. Located in various parts of the world, this essay will present the percentage of oil each country produces along with the yearly consumption of the oil in the same areas of the world. Whenever possible, an in-depth discussion of overlapping information from the chart will be expanded upon. Generally speaking, the Middle East...* I provided you with a clear overview summary using only 3 sentences, which gives information to the reader regarding the content of the chart and how the discussion is going to be presented, without actually divulging information from the chart too soon in the essay development. That is what you should have in mind when you create a summary opening statement.

## chinese student in america At the beginning of my college life, I had been received an invitation to a freshman party. There are a lot of incoming Chinese students also attended. But at the party, I found that many Chinese students are playing on their mobile phone or conversation with people who came from the same country. They don't try to communicate with American locals and can't enjoy the party. Western culture always tends to be open and locals of American are also more than friendly, but many Chinese students are shy and quiet. As an example, most of us don't like to party because this seems chances are pretty low to find common topics with other people we met. We don't even know what actually does there. Even though already in the university of the United States more than six months, I still consider many Chinese students in the United States local cultural awareness lifestyle are unfamiliar, which also includes me. On the contrary, we are preferred to choose to meet other people from the same country because of common living habits, and communication convenience in an unfamiliar condition. We like to talk in our mother tongue between each other. This can make us more quickly have a sense of belonging, and we also have many common topics of communication. This is so natural because in the campus dining hall, I almost having a meal with my Chinese friends together every day, and I barely need to speak English. However, we always stick together. It seems like stay in our comfort zone. As the result, this causes we don't want to communicate with the local Americans students. Actually, it is meant that we are alive live in a small circle, and always communication with our native tongue. The problem of language makes us lose the normal ability to communication with people from other cultures, which makes us difficult to integrate ourselves into American society and adaptation intercultural communication. Cultural differences are part of the intercultural communication barriers. It increases the likelihood of misunderstanding as well. When we communicate and cooperate with other students from diverse cultural backgrounds, if had a misunderstanding, difference, and even contradiction is normal because we all hold different cultural backgrounds and have distinct ideas. Therefore, we cannot ignore the importance of intercultural communication in our daily life. Intercultural communication offers the ability to across diverse cultures, which are increasingly important, as the world gets smaller. Nonetheless, getting smaller doesn't mean the world is becoming uniform. It means that we have more and more contact with people who from culturally diverse. In this way, we can resolve the difficulties and obstacles in intercultural communication between two different cultures, enhance our relationship through effective communication and mutual understanding. For those students who from foreign countries, they are required to face many difficulties in the United States because they need to adapt to new life. This will bring great pressure to them. Such as me. When I just came to the United States, I can't be integrated into the new environment and always alone. I was scared of communication to others in the class, especially foreign students because I can't express my ideas clearly to them through English. So, this causes me difficult to make western friends because I always stay silent. At this time, I get to know the importance of communication. When I in a similar exotic environment, intercultural communication plays a significant role. I realized as long as you are able to communicate with people from different cultural backgrounds efficiently, you will understand and know each other better, thereafter further get to know more about the local culture, even though communicate with them will make you nervous, Possibly, someone will ask, what is the intercultural communication, and how to overcome communication barriers? With the development of the globalization process, intercultural communication is attracting more and more people's attention and being ever more important. It most happens between people from different cultural backgrounds. Intercultural means people understand another different culture and communicate with others effectively. If you do not understand these differences, this will lead to failure of communication. Huge cultural differences have always been between American and Chinese students in college. We should learn how different cultures communicate because we can get contact of a large diversity of people from all over the world. In the college, intercultural is mainly reflected from getting along with teachers and students from different countries, cultural background, and languages. But it does not mean simple greetings through English. We should try to communicate to resolve differences, seek common ground while reserving differences and express own view or opinions through English. This can continue to encourage and support the smooth progress of intercultural communication. Moving to a foreign country may need special preparation to get along with different cultural conventions in your new environment. If you are paying attention to intercultural details, you will discover many differences during your stay abroad. Many people expect that they will pick up intercultural differences naturally while they are in a new culture, and be well-prepared for such varied situations. For the last 5 years in the United States, I have been experiencing different intercultural traditions. Such as when we talk about Christmas, everyone seems to have their own ideal view of what "Christmas" should be all about and varies greatly from country to country. From my perspective, every nation has its own traditional festivals. Christmas such as Chinese new years, the most important part of both holidays are spending time with family and friends spending the evening together, enjoy in rich and glorious food and drink. This makes me discover one of the important ways to learn about more foreign cultures is celebrated local holidays. We should accept western cultures properly. Culture as a shared learning experience. The intercultural communication promotes us to learn new things in a group of people from different cultures with backgrounds. College attracts students from all over the world to learn from one another and expand our world views. So, we are better prepared to enter the global workforce. The theme of our College Nine is International and Global Perspectives, recognize the importance of cultural competency. This offers all students opportunities to make meaningful, lifelong friendships and connections that extend beyond borders. We can live with roommates from countries other than their own and take part in fun, interactive environment that promotes intercultural skills. Intercultural communication can make us understand each other better, deepen our understanding of international and global perspectives. This is important in order to us and will have great influence on our future. The United States has always been a friendly country while I live in here these years. As Chinese students, maybe I can't fully integrate into American society, I still always remind myself to learn about American local cultures, try to join social activities and make more foreign friends because this is the best way to adapt to foreign cultures. Cultural differences can create more communication to each other. At the beginning, one of the most important reasons that I choose study in America was to learn new language and experience different cultures. If don't try to communicate with foreigners, what's the point of studying in America? Actually, besides knowledge, we should make the best of our experience studying in the America and more understand everyone around us, understand others behavior and ways of thinking, learn how to appreciate each other's differences, and across the complex cultures, language barriers. In the process of contact with foreign cultures, we will have more opportunities to re-understanding ourselves and breaking own "small circles" for better integration in both university campus and local communities. At the same time, our college life will become more colorful and meaningful in the future.

I know that you only want your grammar checked for this essay but I feel that you need to first address the fact that your essay is too long and does not really get to the point of discussing intercultural communicate in an efficient manner. The content mostly goes around in circles, discussing the same topics over and over before finally getting to the point. The topic of intercultural communication, which comes in paragraph 7 should have been the lead in paragraph for this essay. As an opening statement, it would have immediately brought the attention of the reader to the topic on hand. If you take only relevant paragraphs and form them in the following manner : 7, 1, 8, 4, 3, 5, you end up with a better discussion that does not require too many examples to prove your point. It will also make it much easier for you to spot the grammar mistakes in your essay for correction. I hope that you decide to reformat the paragraph presentations first. After you come up with a more cohesive essay, it will be easier to clean up the grammar mistakes and create a more coherent discussion on your part.

I would like some comments on the organization, grammar, sentence structure of my essay. Also, do you think this is an essay that incorporates the analysis of various stakeholders. Lastly, do you think the policy recommended is convincing? ***Essay Question*** **In regards of the development of mental health services in the city, please draft a discussion paper, setting out the pros and cons of two policy alternatives, the likely impact to the public. You are also need to set out your recommendations with arguments and actions that the city government should take now and in the next 15 to 20 years.** ## Introduction The recent homicides caused by discharged psychiatric patients in the community have become an issue of much concern. This paper will discuss the current situation and analyze two policy alternatives with a view to mapping out the future development of mental health services in the city. ## Current situation The recent death of several psychiatric patients raised concerns about the lack of support for mental patients in the community. Among the 200,000 psychiatric patients, only 40,000 schizophrenia patients are hospitalized, while the rest are taken care by community nurses and social workers in the community, according to the statistics of the Hospital Authority. For those patients living in the community, they have to see doctors and receive medication regularly. However, it is not uncommon to find them skip their consultations, resulting in delayed treatment and worsening their conditions which eventually lead to the happening of tragedies. At present, doctors and psychiatrists do not have power to compel treatment for a patient even they have ranked the patient as high risk. For the sake of patients' and public safety, the government has to review its policy in mental health. Two policy alternatives have been proposed in the community, they are (1) introducing community treatment order to require discharged psychiatric patients who pose a threat to the society to accept medication and therapy and (2) reserving certain public rental housing for discharged psychiatric patients so that community nurses and social workers can follow up in a timely and centralized manner. ## Evaluation of the two policies Advantages of introducing community treatment order (Policy 1) Discharged mental patients can receive timely treatment: patients occasionally misjudge their conditions. Patients are assured to receive adequate and timely treatment, lowering the risk of relapse. The general public safety is ensured: tragedies caused by unstable discharged psychiatric patients can be avoided as long as medical professionals intervene on time and issue a community treatment order where appropriate. ## Disadvantages of Policy 1 Limitation of patients' freedom: since the orders are compulsory, certain human rights advocacy groups argued that the policy will violate patients' basic human rights. In the worst scenario, a patient who receives a community treatment order may be forced to re-institute. Deepening the public stereotype: the public may deepen their stereotype on in-hospital mental patients and discriminate against them, lowering the chance for discharged psychiatric patients to reintegrate into the community. Increasing the burden of medical professionals: in additional to the original duties, the professional medical staff may also have to force patients to see them and receive treatment. Some patients may avoid seeing psychiatrists because they do not want to be forced to seek treatment in the future. Advantages of reserving certain public rental housing units for discharged psychiatric patients (policy 2) Facilitating the visits of community nurses and social workers: commuting time is shortened when several patients are grouped in the same public housing estates, therefore, the community nurses and social workers can spend more time with the patients during their visits. Making reintegration into the community easier for discharged psychiatric patients: close geographic proximity can increase the discharged mental patients' probability of developing new social ties. Neighbors can also look out for the patients' well-being. ## Disadvantages of Policy 2 Violation of the patients' privacy: the identity of the psychiatric patients will be given away when they move into the reserved units in public rental housing estates. The general public would hold grudge against the discharged psychiatric patients: many citizens, especially the low income families and the elderly with pressing needs are waiting for public rental housing. If the government accords priority to the discharged psychiatric patients, the general public will be gravely discomforted and lower their trust towards the administration. ## Recommendation After weighing the pros and cons of each policy option, introducing community treatment order (policy 1) is recommended for the following reasons: Firstly, it can fulfill the dual-objectives of the government's mental health policy- to safeguard public safety and ensure the patients' well-being. Discharged psychiatric patients who medical professionals have identified as high-risk will be compelled to receive timely treatment, protecting them from enacting actions that may harm themselves or others (the general public). Secondly, policy 1 can garner greater public support and thus, ensuring the success of its implementation. Its implementation will not take away the chance of low income families and elderlies being adequately housed in public housing estates, given that there is a severe undersupply of public rental housing. ## Implementation details First of all, the government has to draft amendment for the Mental Health Ordinance, empowering medical superintendents to detain mental patients to receive treatments when appropriate. Then, the government has to conduct a thorough consultation, informing citizens and clarifying the goal of introducing community treatment orders is to safeguard the safety of both psychiatric patients and the general public, instead of intending to violate the patients' privacy. By doing so, it is more likely to gain widespread public acceptance towards this policy. The government has to estimate the additional manpower required to carry out policy 1, including the additional medical doctors and nurses needed to look after those who have received community treatment orders. As stated by a mental health concern group, a lack of manpower not only limits the provision of better services to patients, but also affects whether the city can introduce compulsory treatment orders for patients who miss appointments. Lastly, the government has to ensure medical professionals review the way doctors assign priorities to cases, standardizing the criteria to minimize wrong risk classification of patients.

Luk, for the question section, do not provide the instructions that your professor provided for the writing of the paper. Based upon the instructions provided, you must develop an original thesis statement to represent the policy paper studies and suggestions that you will be making in the paper. The other parts of the paper are presented in a proper manner. The discussion is academic and professional. Although, the discussion paper could use a few direct references, quotes, or information stemming from named "sources" of information. When supporting evidence is presented based upon published sources or personal interviews, the suggestions and recommendations that you are making develops a more authoritative stance. That will translate into a more powerful and compelling discussion paper presentation.

Thank you for spending time reading my post. I really appreciate your helps. ## quality of service in a hotel *The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel's customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010.* The pie charts compare between the results of customer service evaluation surveys conducted in 2005 and 2010 in Parkway Hotel. Overall, there were significant changes after a 5-year period. In 2005, more than two third of the customers were satisfied with the quality of customer services, the number increased dramatically to roughly 85% in 2010, only a minority of visitors gave out negative responses. In 2005, nearly half of the customers rated customer service as satisfactory and only 5% of customers considered their jobs were excellent. However, the situation was reversed in 2010, the respectively figure for excellent and satisfactory option are 28% and 17%. The percentage of visitors who felt good about customer service rose a quarter more after 5 years of development. In 2010, roughly 15% of visitors were unsatisfied with the Parkway's service. However, compared to 2005, the figure for "very poor" option was 15%, not to mention that of ''poor '' option, which accounted for 21% of customers. *

Vi, when you write the overview statement, do not give any actual figures or information yet. Remember, that portion is only to be used as a method by which you are to paraphrase the prompt and offer an outline of the discussion that is yet to come. Normally, it should cover no more than 3 sentences to be effective. While your second paragraph was informative and really showed that you studied the chart, the third paragraph was too short because it lacked more information coming from the chart. The way that this paragraph could have been lengthened would have been if you did not present the information in the opening statement. That is precisely why the opening statement cannot have actual facts and figures from the provided image. Please avoid doing that next time in order to get a better score. Right now, this essay will probably get a 4 because of the mistakes you made in the presentation of the opening statement.

## scheme of elderly population The line chart provides information about the percentage of elderly aged over 65 in USA, Japan and Sweden from 1940 to 2040. Overall, it is clearly seen that the proportion of people aged over 65 years in the three countries fluctuates during the given period. However, the three figures show an upward trend towards the end of survey. The number of USA population initially stood at approximately 9% in 1940 while the figures for Sweden was about 7% at the same time. Then the former went up markedly and reached 15% as well as the latter figures showing a growth to just under 15% in 1980. Interestingly, after standing at the same level by around 14% in 2000, USA has been relatively unchanged while there has been a fluctuation figure in Sweden elderly population by 2020. Afterwards, both countries are predicted to rise towards the end of the survey. Nevertheless, Sweden population is expected reaching higher percentage than USA in 2014 ; approximately 25% and 23% respectively. In contrast, Japanese figure was originally levelled off at 5% before dipping to 3% in 1960. The percentage then stabled for 20 years, after which there has been a gradually rise since 1980 and the figure is predicted peaking at 27% in 2040 after overtaking the first position from USA. *

Ainun, there is a point between 2020 and 2040 when the line graph showed an illustrative point. Since you were concentrated only on the figures that were related to the years indicated, you failed to see that there was a possible discussion available for the year between the two. That should have been presented in the essay as well as a possible reference to 2030, the gap point between 2020 and 2040 which would have clearly indicated that you did a deep analysis of the information provided. If the examiner knows the chart very well and he knows of the existence of the midstream information that most students might not see as being there, this will definitely affect your task accuracy score. The effect will be in the form of only mechanical data being presented rather than analytical data. So the score for your essay cannot be higher than a 5.

**Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jams'. *How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?*** ## tackling the traffic jams issue In the last three decades, a growing number of civilians have purchased cars to fulfill their needs travelling from one place to another. Because of this, many cities in the world have been marked as 'one big traffic jam'. Personally, I believe this is true due to the fact that the way people buy cars are getting easier. Therefore, governments should take into consideration to deal with this problem such as increasing tax payment. It becomes affordable for societies to get car ownership. Since they just allocate a bit amount of deposit to get new vehicle and make an installment payment later, this will lead other persons to do the same that will overflow the road. It will be getting worse if every dweller has one four-wheel vehicle as their means to travel away. Such condition point out a busy road where numerous cars make a long line in particular time such as coming-home time at afternoon and leaving-home time in the morning. To tackle the traffic congestion problem, authorities should take a policy to reduce car driving on the road. What strategy I offer is to increase tax payment for each car belonging. Stakeholders are able to ask a far substantial of levy for each automobile that every individual has. I believe this way will stimulate car drivers to rethink driving car because they should subsidize much money for such expenditure. To conclude, it is unavoidable that easiness having transport especially cars. It drives people to buy those modes, bringing to traffic congestion problems in many parts of the world. By increasing an amount of money payment, it expects to urge citizens not to utilize automobile thanks to high expenses anxiety. (280 words)

Nur, it is never advisable to include actual information in your opening statement. That part of the essay is merely meant to test your paraphrasing, outlining, and task accuracy skills. Save the actual information for the body of the essay. The more information you present in the actual body, the higher your TA and GRA scores get. Remember that. Also, don't start a formal sentence with the word "Because". The term is always used to connect two ideas in a single sentence. Therefore, using it at the start of a sentence does not make sense because there are no ideas to connect at that point. It would be best to find another way to start your sentence instead. You can say "Therefore" or "Due to..." in place of the word "Because". Your concluding statement was faulty as well since you were just supposed to recap the earlier discussions in the essay. Since that is not what you did, I believe that the score for this essay cannot be higher than 5.

## annual disbursement of UK school The three different charts illustrate the yearly disbursement of UK school and it is measured in percentage between 1981, 1991 and 2001. Overall, the proportion of expenditure spent on has considerably varied movement. Over 3 decades, while teacher's salaries were still highest proportion, insurance was still lowest spending. Other worker's salaries, teacher's salaries and furniture and equipment were the largest proportion. In 1981, approximately 40% of the teacher's salaries spent, compared to about 28% and 15% respectively of other worker's salaries and furniture and equipment. 1991 witnessed a virtually identically decline of furniture and equipment and other worker's salaries, at 5% and 22% respectively. In the same year, teacher's salaries indicated the sharp plunge at 50%.On the other hand, 2001 witnessed the similar fluctuation of other worker's salaries and teacher's salaries. While the figure of other worker's salaries and teacher's salaries dramatically dropped, at 15% and 45%respectively, the percentage of furniture and equipment enormously increased, at 23% approximately. On the other hand, the insurance and resources books had a virtually similar trend. In 1981, the amount of insurance and resources books stood up 2% and 15% respectively. In 1991, the percentage of them experienced a sharp growth, at 3% and 20% respectively.2001 witnessed their similarity, between 8% and 9% successively. *

To, there are a total of 4 sections in the pie chart. Since you can only present a 5 paragraph essay composed of an introduction, a maximum of 3 bodies of paragraph, and a conclusion, you will have to get creative in the presentation of the information. I suggest that you group the discussion by sets of 3 with the largest indicated figure of the pie chart being discussed as a stand alone paragraph because the largest figures offer the most opportunity for you to present a wider comparison discussion which can help improve your overall score. Again, there are no right or wrong formats for writing these essays. It all depends upon how you analyze the information present and how you wish to inform the reader about it. My suggestions are meant to help you learn how to assess the proper presentation for each prompt you are given.

## the policy analysis paper on renewable energy This is a policy analysis paper and I would like to have some feedback on my writing, including the content, article structure, and use of language, and grammar. Most of the greenhouse gases are emitted from the power plants that generate their electricity mainly through fossil fuels in Hong Kong. In order to alleviate the resulting air pollution and energy crisis, the SAR government should increase the ratio of renewable resources to fossil fuels in electricity generation. **Why using more renewable energy** The use of renewable energy helps to alleviate the air pollution and improve our citizens' wellness in a large extent. Less suspended particulates are created during the combustion of renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power as compared to fossil fuels. With cleaner air, citizens are less likely to get any kinds of respiratory diseases. The opponents may argue that the development of renewable energy sources requires a lot of land and public resources. The costs induced in the short-term to sitting citizens will be offset by the improved public health and thus, lower public medical expenses in the long-term. Furthermore, the diversification of energy sources may drive down the overall electricity prices. While considering using more renewable resources such as wind and solar energy to generate electricity for domestic and commercial use, the government has to overcome the following constraints. **Limited natural resources** Hong Kong has limited natural resources such as water and land. With unreliable rainfalls, there are limited rivers and water reservoirs available in the city. And because of the small water body, it is not feasible to generate renewable energy through water and tidal waves. Land available for the development of renewable energy is another concern. Among the 1106 hectares of land, most of them are either hilly or categorized as greenbelt zone and country parks where any kind of development is forbidden, while the rest are already highly developed. It is difficult to make room for the development of renewable energy, especially in the urban areas where most of the citizens reside. Nevertheless, Hong Kong still has some potential for renewable energy such as solar power. A recent research conducted by the Hong Kong Polytechnic University had pointed out that photovoltaic systems could be installed on the roof of 233,000 buildings in the urban area to generate energy through sunlight, without the need to use up large area of land. **Economic costs** Even though the constraint of land can be overcome, the government still has to carefully consider the cost of developing renewable energy. In general, generating electricity from renewable resources is far more expansive than from fossil fuels. It will cost roughly $300 million to satisfy 10% of the current electricity consumption through solar power. Apart from the high cost, the life span of any renewable energy system is quite short. For example, a photovoltaic system can only last for 20-30 years. Therefore, the electricity companies and the government remain hesitated in leveling up the ratio of renewable resources over total electricity generation. Fortunately, with the advancement in modern technology and increase in demand, the cost of development renewable energy will further decrease in the near future. The cost of developing solar power will drop by at least 26% in 2025, according to the estimation of the International Renewable Energy Agency. This will increase the cost effectiveness of using renewable resources. Meanwhile, the government should assist the industry to nurture more relevant tenants so as to lower the cost involved in production and installation of renewable energy systems. **Citizens' acceptance level** Citizens' perception determines the effectiveness of any government means to promote the use of renewable energy. For example, the government would forgo the construction of wind turbines if it faces strong opposition from nearby residents regarding the noise nuisance created during the building and operation of wind turbines. However, citizens' attitude towards renewable energy can be altered. The World Wide Fund for Nature Hong Kong had subsidized three households in Tai O to install photovoltaic systems on their roofs. The participating citizens believed that the advantages of using renewable resources such as cheaper electricity bills and less emitted pollutants outweigh its disadvantages like inconvenience in clearing the components of a photovoltaic system. Putting the economic and land constraints aside, citizens welcome the introduction of renewable energy system in their households. Still, it is pertinent for the government to step up its efforts in promoting the use of renewable energy in daily life. While the proposed use of renewable energy involves huge initial costs, it would bring huge social and environmental benefits of reducing air pollution and the associated social costs and promoting a greener and more sustainable low carbon community, which should all be taken into consideration although they are not readily quantifiable.

Luk, this is a sound summary of your policy paper research. I hope though that this is not the final version of the policy paper that you plan on presenting to your professor. Truth be told, the paper can still use a more in-depth research presentation of the history of the power generation problem in Hong Kong, the previous and current efforts to help resolve the issue, any policy papers that might be pending in the government, and the current status of the power generation plants in the country. The grammar is well developed and helps to deliver your interests as the researcher and policy adviser. I do not doubt that you can come up with more intricate and workable plan which can be turned into a policy proposal for the consideration of the government.

hi teachers, please give some advice about my IELTS writing. thank you! **Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the danger of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** ## ex-convict teacher People have different views about whether ex-criminals will be a good teacher for keeping children away from committing crim. In my opinion, I complete agree that ex-prisoners' experiences are the best material to educate teenagers. It is more persuasive than other teaching methods to preach the harm of crime. People who are rehabilitated after prison sentence can teach teenager what kinds of consequences they have after committing a crime, such as losing several years of freedom and having difficulties to find a job in the future, especially for the children who consider about criminals leading glamorous lives. In addition, it provides a distinctive prospective to reconsider the crime, which is rare for normal teachers or parents. And I doubt that adolescents would see teachers as credible sources of information about this topic. For example, school teachers usually teach the children by textbook and lack of objective feelings after breaking the law. On the other hand, it helps reformed criminals achieve self-value. That means people who have crime record will not feel that they are useless to society and have determination to become a good citizen. Meanwhile teaching teenagers is a method of repaying society. With something to do after prison sentence, ex-offenders are less likely to break the law again. If not, criminals may have tendency to commit a crime again as the public usually discriminate and stay away from them. In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who have turned around their lives after serving a prison sentence could help to deter teenagers from being a lawbreaker.

Li, in this instance, you should not have opened the 3rd paragraph by saying "On the other hand". That phrase indicates that you are changing the stance of your discussion to agree with the opposing side of the argument. That is not the case here. You are merely adding supporting information to your discussion so the proper term to open the paragraph with would have been "Aside from the reasons above..." This indicates a continuing discussion or additional information in support of the same stand in a discussion. This would have been an even stronger essay if you had added one or two more sentences to your opening summary / paraphrased discussion and your concluding statement. While those statements were good, the TA and GRA scores would have increased greatly from the current 5 that this essay garnered with this version.

**Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for culture and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?** --- ## more money from tourists In recent years, tourism has been receiving a great deal of attention due to substantial impacts on its countries' industry. Although the idea of setting a higher entrance fees for residents than foreign travelers to visit cultural and historical attractions appears reasonable, this cannot be viewed as the ultimate approach. There are a number of reasons why foreigners should pay higher price to visit historical places. One of the reasons is that those who have financial income to travel overseas are affordable to enter these luxurious forms of entertainment, such as cultural heritages. In other words, if a visitor is wealthy enough to travel internationally, a small gap on the prices will be acceptable. In addition, all of these uniqueness and traditional places should be supported by international society, in case more expensive entrance tickets are paid as their donation. Therefore, by paying more money, international society has been supporting that flourish attractions' preservation. On the other hand, low ticket prices of these locations are necessary for local people. First, by reducing ticket prices to local residents, there would be more motivation for them to visit cultural and historical sites. For example, since many museums and historical landmarks in Japan are free for locals, places like Tokyo tower attract mostly local people. Second, since locals do not have to pay fees as much as foreigners to visit traditional places, their lives would be improved thanks to the saving cost. Furthermore, by getting money saved from costing low fees for natives, governments will obtain the opportunity to fix those traditional sites' flaws and make it perfected. In conclusion, receiving more money from foreign tourists who visit historical and cultural attractions can have several advantages. The government should take steps to increase the budget on the maintenence of historic sites.

Duy, you would get a very disturbing score of 3 for this essay. The reason that you failed to pass this practice test stems from the fact that you did not follow the prompt instructions for the discussion. There is a lack of position on your part regarding an agreement or disagreement with the statement. You were supposed to pick one side of the argument and defend your stance within your discussion using clear evidence from either popularly known reasons or personal experiences. What you chose to do was discuss the reasons why the government should charge higher fees for foreign travelers to visit the cultural sites instead. That is in direct contradiction with the instruction that asks you to (1) agree or disagree with the statement that foreign visitors should pay more to visit these sites and then (2) explain why you have taken this stance. You were not supposed to to a comparative essay as you would in a task 1 essay. Due to the wrong discussion approach, you failed the tests.

**I AM WRITING A NEWS ARTICLE ON PAKISTAN SUPER LEAGUE. I HAVE WRITTEN THE POINTS BUT I'M HAVING TROUBLE ARRANGING THE PARAGRAPHS. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME ON HOW TO ARRANGE PARAGRAPHS FOR A NEWS ARTICLE.** ## cricket super league tournament Gaddafi stadium, Lahore echoed with the chants of "Pakistan Zindabad! Pakistan Zindabad! " •The long-awaited second edition of Pakistan's most prestigious Twenty20 tournament, Pakistan Super League was held on 5 March 2017 in Lahore. •This match was a sign of the revival of international cricket in our country. •Lahore wore a festive look. Excitement was in the air. Roads were lit up with green and white lights. Colorful banners were put up welcoming the cricketers. Frantic fans, clad in the colors of their favorite team had traveled from all over the country. •After a long wait of 8 years Pakistanis host a cricket game in their country. •Pakistan staged its largest cricket game in 8 years and 2 days. •"Passion for cricket conquers fear"," hitting terror with bat"," terror cleaned bowled". These were some of the slogans used by Pakistanis to describe their victory against terrorism. •5 March 2017 will always have a special place in the hearts of Pakistanis. This day will always be remembered as the day Pakistan beat terrorism and brought international cricket to back to their home. •Pakistan Super League consists of five teams: Karachi Kings, Quetta Gladiators, Islamabad United, Peshawar Zalmi and Lahore Qalandars. •For Pakistan, this match was about more than just cricket. This match proved that Pakistan has won the war against terrorism. This showed that Pakistanis are not afraid of anyone. They are determined to restore their respect. And they are willing to overcome any hurdle that comes in their way. •After the attack on Srilankan team on 3 March 2009, no more international matches were held in Pakistan. •Cricket is one of those things that unites Pakistan. This game has always brought people together. This game has an appeal that gets people out of their homes, on streets, in cafes, in grounds, to gather and unite together and enjoy the game. This kind of enthusiasm is very rare. This game is a symbol of hope for our country which is disappointed very often. •Pakistan has gone through a lot in the past few months. From tension due to India to the Panama papers. Just like when it felt all was becoming better, many militant attacks took place throughout the country causing more than 500 people. At this time PSL was a blessing in disguise. It brought happiness to the lives of many people and united us in ways we didn't even imagine. •For Pakistanis, this PSL was a sign of victory. This showed that we can find dreams and happiness in cricket. Therefore, in cricket, we find the meaning of hope. •Pakistan got a chance of having a cricket match with international players after 8 years and 2 days. This was Pakistan's only shot. If God forbid any mishap happened in that match Pakistan wouldn't have been able to host a cricket match in a decade. So to make sure nothing bad happens, intense security measures were taken. Five layers of security had been established at the stadium. The stadium had been literally sealed off with shipping containers and barbed wires. More than 50,000 policemen were on duty. The army was also on call. Helicopters were also used for aerial surveillance.

Neha, provide an overview or summary of the events that led to the brutal terrorist attack on that fateful day. That is an integral part of the report and needs to be represented. Without it, the explanation as to the 5 tier security measure seems silly. There is no reason nor cause given aside from what seems to be a "game riot" instead of a terrorist attack. Clarify the importance of the attack in order to deliver the importance of the first game played in 8 years. Double check your grammar. Dates are always written with the first letter capitalized as that is a proper noun. The article now needs to be edited for content. However, we cannot do that until you have all of the pertinent information presented in the paper. Fill in the history of the attack during the game. Then we can edit the content for length and relevance.

**The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. *Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*** ## list of changes in the school area The pictures present some alterations that had been done at West Park Secondary School from 1950 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen that since its construction, the West Park has changed surrounding the school two times in which the last changes were to enlarge parking area, causing sports field and playground to be narrowed. In 1980, places beside the school experienced refurbishment to be a part of school's areas. These areas initially stood some houses next to the school. On the opposite side of residence built farmland. However, housing estate was totally altered to be science block in the east, exactly compacted to the school building. In the left side of such building, car park took place and field transformed to be sports area. In the next three decades, those school facilities got change anymore. There was car park that was broadened where sports field totally moved in front of school building, meaning that playground's area was getting narrow down. (161 words) *

Nur, you misunderstood the illustrations that you were presented for the summary. The illustration provides information for changes to West Park Secondary School during specific years. It does not cover the years from 1950 - 2010. Therefore, the discussion you presented should have been a descriptive essay that dealt with each year changes provided in the drawing. That would be a paragraph each for 1950, 1980, and 2010. Discussing the changes to the area individually / per year shows a clear understanding of the prompt requirements and would have also offered you an increased TA, GRA, LR, plus C & C score. Without the proper discussion development, I don't think you can score higher than a 4 for this practice test.

## live in a city or in a countryside? Some people are fond of a fast-paced life in the city rather than more relaxed pace in the country or vice versa because of many factors. As for me, I prefer living in a city. However, both ways of life has its advantages and disadvantages. Those who like living in the city believe that it has numerous advantages. Large cities have public transport that chauffeurs people throughout the city, while in the country that kind of transport usually is not provided. Also, city life offers more entertainment, sports, shopping and career opportunities, here people have high incomes. Besides, in cities people are provided with different kinds of services like beauty salon or cars wash. In the contrast, there is no any variety of services in a village. Other people, who prefer the countries, argue that there are more advantages of living in villages than in cities. Firstly, the village is more environmentally friendly and cozy place. Secondly, people who live in a village feel themselves in safety as the crime rate there is lower than in a city. And finally, people there are friendlier. That is why old people and families who have children often make decisions to live in a rural area. In conclusion, whether you live in countries or cities, there are merits and drawbacks. Life in a country is quiet and slowly, it is more suitable for children and old people. Others prefer living in a big city, where they can have a large number of opportunities.

Nastya, I believe that you failed to provide another part of the prompt requirements. I am referring to the relevant examples from your personal experience. Since you already mentioned that you leaned towards living in the city, it would have been good for your TA score if you had shared some personal experiences in relation to the reason that you are supporting. While the reasons you provided in the essay are general in presentation, a more personal aspect was required. I know that it is easier to simply bundle in your reasoning with the rest of the essay discussion. However, if you want to get a higher score in the essay, you need to go the extra mile and present some information that comes from your personal side. This shows a clear understanding of the prompt and increases your chances of an increase GRA score as well. This essay though, may not score higher than a 4 due to the missing prompt elements in the essay.

**IELTS TASK 1: Line graph: Average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services** *This is my first time for doing writing task 1. Please check my mistake and could you tell me how many mark can I score ? Thank you so much* The graph illustrates comparision between average yearly costs on cell phone and residential phone services from 2001 to 2010. It can be seen from the graph, yearly expenditures on cell phone service steadily decreased during the period while annual costs of residential phone services increased gradually. In 2001, yearly expenditure on cell phone service stood at approximately 700$ and remained a consistent decrease to around 500$ in 2006. By contrast, residential phone services were spent at over 200$ in 2000 before rising significantly to 550$ by 2006. In 2006, there was a remarkable point when the amount of money for both residential phone and cell phone services equalized. During 4 years period from 2006 to 2010, there was a considerable opposition between costs of residential phone and cell phone services. In comparision to the amount of money spent for residential phone services, which saw an plummet to over 400$, expenditures on cell phone rose dramatically to a peak of around 750$ at the same time. 166 words *

Tu, it is with a very heavy heart that I have to tell you that the only possible score for this essay will be a 3 for a number of reasons. The main problem with the essay is that you misunderstood the graph that you were provided to summarize. The green line, represents the residential phone services whose costs plummeted from the hear 2000 to 2010. The cost of the service in 2000 was at under $700 and ended in 2010 at around $400. While the cellphone coverage increased in costing from $200 to over $700 by 2010. You got the information reversed in your essay and because of that, it appears that you did not understand the graph and therefore, did not accurately summarize it in your report. Aside from that, you also failed to identify the type of chart that you were given to analyze. This chart is known as a Line Graph and should have been identified as part of the summary information in your writing. In addition, you also did not identify the source of the information even though it was clearly stated in the illustration you were provided. So those reasons alone tanked your score.

**Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.** ## How much money for a sport star? People have different views about wether people who reach the highest level in any sports could have a higher earnings. While others in some ways argue that it is unfair for people who work in other significant professions. I personally believe that it is fully acceptable if sport professionals get more salaries than average income in society. There are various reasons why it might be considered that people in other important careers deserve more wages. For instance, there are doctor and scientist who have big and important role in society. They have reliable ability and give huge contribution to others, it is something that athlete can't do. The learning process which bring them to be who they are now is not cheap, hence they should be well-paid of what they give to public. However, I agree with those who argue that people who are success in any sport professions to get high salaries. These are the reasons. Firstly, a sport professional has proven their ability in sport championship. It could bring the country where the athletes come to the higher level if they join international events. Secondly, a sport team is definitely need more funding for the training, some sport equipments, routin medical check-up, and also highly needed in nutritional food intake. In addition, sport activity seems have more serious risk if the athletes got any accidents. Therefore, they need much insurance to keep them in a guarantee condition. In conclusion, it seems to me that any professions should be awarded by appropriate wages. Then, for sport professionals, I agree that they are deserve more money on account of what they do and what they need.

The format that you used is wrong. In order to accurately represent the task that you are given for the discussion, you have to take note of the steps that the prompt is asking you to do. The second half of the prompt requirement always indicates the format, order, and representation of the discussion. This is the outline format that you should follow. In this instance, your discussion should have followed the following requirement: 1. Prompt paraphrasing 2. Opinion 1 3. Opinion 2 4. Personal Opinion 5. Conclusion Even though you may share the same opinion as the one in the essay. Your justification must be different and should help to support the opinion that you agree with. This is to show that you understand the prompt you were provided and that you are capable of creating a line of reasoning that does not duplicate the prompt requirement. The personal opinion is a separate discussion as a method testing your English comprehension and reasoning skills.

## Globalization (I do not know how to make this paragraph understandable) Globalization is the process of International integration arising from the interchange of world views,products,ideas,and other aspects of culture.The process of globalization goes back to the year 1492 with Christopher Columbus stumbled on the Americas in search of spices and continues to the present in which it is taking an economic and cultural approach.Globalization in some way affects us all for example have you ever wondered where your clothes come from?Most of the clothes you wear come from another country which United States or your country has economic relations as I said before globalization affects us all in some way economically or culturally and also brings benefits and disadvantages for the country affected for it.

Globalization can trace its roots back to 1942, when Christoper Columbus first discovered the Americas during his expedition to discover and learn about new spices. Taking the spices to the Old World from the New World, he unconsciously began developing the idea of international trade. Something that brought about a new era of economic and cultural growth. These days, globalization has become synonymous with an international integration of world views, products, ideas, and various cultural platforms. Everything we come into contact with these days, from the clothes we wear to our social media interactions, all have a globalized touch surrounding it. International touches that can either be beneficial and advantageous or non beneficial and non advantageous to the world cultures that are now struggling for relevance in a a multi faceted cultural world.

***Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?*** ## Children surrounded by toys Toys are very good medium for children to learn many things. Certainly, parents will strive to facilitate their children by providing playthings so that their children can know new things through toys. However, it is often that parents tend to spoil their children by giving too many, even those which are not necessary. Apparently, we can not ignore the positive role of playthings. Children could recognize, differentiate, and learn how to use things. Some other times, they are not only as an entertainment article for kids but also as psychological development tool. Additionally, nowadays toys has an education function also. It means that children get both fun and educational with playing the toys. On the other hand, we can not deny if there are parents who desire to give their children all the latest and greatest things so that the children have a large number of playthings. They do not want their children lagging behind others. This things is not well anticipated by the parents sometimes that may have negative impacts on children. This habit could develop an unpredictable consumptive attitudes of the children. Children are taught to be greedy since they were young. Moreover, another negative effect is when a child becomes addicted to the playthings. This bad habit will form their characters that are difficult to control themselves and wasting their time and they can not be separated anymore from their toys in the next stage. Eventually, the parents are not able to handle their children and creates new problems, such as the children do not socialize with their friends or children to ignore to finish their homeworks. In conclusion, everything has a positive side, including toys. However, it is important to keep in mind, parents have to discipline themselves not to spoil their child which give negatice impacts in the future that can be anticipated since early stage, by buying toys that are appropriate for children as the functions and needs.

Sehat due to the fact that I am a native English speaker and my opening statement covers all of the important points of the prompt, my Task accuracy score will not be less than a 9. The same goes for the question of "What if I wrote the essay?". Based upon overall considerations my essay would not score less than a 9 as well. The Task Accuracy is the most important part of the writing task because that is the portion that solidly proves your ability to understand instructions in English and also, explain yourself in English. Failing the task accuracy portion will severely limit the highest possible score that you can get. In response to your question about where you can find essays that fall under the 7 band score, just run a search using the IELTS information that you seek. You will see a number of 7 band score essays online for you to read and learn from .

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PARCELS DELIVERED BY FedEx and TNT MAIL SERVICES ## FedEx vs TNT MAIL SERVICES The line chart compares the data of package delivery distributed by two delivery service companies between 1920 and 2000. Overall, it is noticeable that both lines experience an upward trend. However, although FedEx was the most popular mail service at first, it was replaced by TNT through the end of the survey. In the first year, the highest came to FedEx with 15.000 parcels while TNT only a quarter of it. Both companies then experienced a growth in the following twenty years, yet the gap between FedEx and TNT have widened. Conversely, the former plummeted tremendously to approximately 120.000 while the latter saw a slight surge to 80.000 in 1950. Such gap then narrowed down and both figures nearly reached the same level in 1960. Afterw which, FedEx proportion saw a significant rise over the next 20 years before dipping steadily over the last given period. In contrast, the number of TNT parcels decrease minimally then the figure rocketed dramatically and reached a peak by 24.000 after overtaking the first position from its competitor. *

Ainun, there are some points in your presentation that could have been improved. For example. you should have led your opening statement with the indication of the name of the two companies that you will be comparing. Placing the information at the end of the paragraph leads the reader to wonder what companies you are talking about when you have already given so much relevant information in the earlier part of the statement. Then, there were points in the graph where the income of the companies overlapped. There should have been a clear discussion or representation of that overlapping point, accompanied by the figures and year indication because that shows a time when the income of the companies were tied for the same spot. These overlaps happened twice and yet you did not clearly indicate it any of your paragraphs. Never say "In the first year" when an accurate reference to the year is mentioned in the illustration. In order to best inform your reader, all of your data must be factual, and that includes references to years and any other digits. You this throughout your essay by merely indicating "years" instead of comparative years. Based upon the given considerations and the mistakes in the information presentation, I think that you will not be able to score higher than a 4 in this test.

**Alternative energy sources that use natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil, and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. *To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*** ## wind/water/solar power instead of fossil fuels? It is inevitable for finding alternative energy resources to replace fossil fuel usage such as wind power, wave power station, and solar power. However, some people argue that those are too costly and highly complex to afford. Privately, I agree to use non-fossil fuel even though those alternative powers are expensive, they are likely to change the needs of fuel from gas and oil to power our city and transport by eco-friendly electrical sources. The evidence of high pricey and complexity of establishing natural powers lead to be unaffordable for many countries. Because government should find and collect particular materials to construct them, the party also should manage to generate efficient electricity that requires a great deal of effort from expertise. According to TIMES (2014), Japan is a country that has implemented solar power. It has to spend five years to construct this energy source, and it has allocated a far amount of money to run such power. Some technicians also were called on contributing this purpose. Therefore, construction of natural powers highly requires profound contribution material, time, and human endeavor. Nevertheless, the way to diminish pollutions and drawbacks of vehicles' fumes is to apply natural power as far. Much research has conducted and some countries have run the alternative energy for city lighting and for driving cars. A 2015 The Economist magazine had published article said that one third of developing countries have applied natural resources as their electricity generator for lives. They have taken advantage of such sources and have recouped substantial amount of money by an Eco-friendly fuel. The emissions have declined threefold compared to the conventional energy usage. Hence, it drives many benefits to those countries, especially for environment condition. To sum up, although alternative energy may expense much budget of government, the result gains sometimes fulfill the expectations either for people or for surrounding. Hence, many years later it should carry out experiment to optimize natural power using in worldwide. (371 words)

Nur, I believe that this essay might be able to score a 5 in an actual setting. That is even though your essay is a bit confusing to understand at times and causes the reader some stress. A repeated reading of the material somewhat clarifies the message of your paragraph. The main drawback, or problem of your essay at the moment though, relates to the information that you are providing. You need to remove your reliance on researched information for your essay. Use only commonly known information or examples from your personal experience in order to create valid discussion points. You have to remember that you are not going to be allowed to do any research when you do the actual test. Therefore, writing a practice essay that even cites sources with dates of publication is something that you will not have the opportunity to do in the testing center. The computer systems will be locked to only the local network. So practice writing essays using only available information from your life experiences and current popular knowledge. If you do not practice it that way, you may not be prepared for the actual exam setting when the time comes.

**All education and health care should be funded by the government and free for everyone *To what extent do you agree and disagree with this opinion?*** ## citizens' lives is at stake Some important aspects of citizens' lives should get attention from government such as education and health care. Some people claim that those things should be financed by authority and every one gets free access. I totally disagree about that notion since education and health center should be halved funding by the government and that is also free just for the poor. For a start, education and a sort of health care are authority's responsibility, but those should be halved in supporting of financial rather than fully funded. Because other aspects need to be financed to help societies lives. Take South Korea as an example of one country, which allocates its money to human development and renewable energy besides education and health care. As a results, South Korea successfully builds its country by balancing supporting finance and gets its desiring purpose such as equality of sharing fund and inhabitants take advantages of this. Moreover, education and health care should not be free for every one. People, which are funded by government, should be undergone by poor people only. A 2015 Munich studies reveal that one third financed by authority object to those who are in poverty so that they are able to school without thinking about the educational cost. Also, hospital is not the luxury thing for those who suffer from particular diseases. Because of this, the poor will be easy to access the two aspects mentioned above. In other side, the rich are still able to study at school and get medical treatment by their money. As a result, this will bring equality of life to all members of communities. To conclude, I stand at the idea that education and health center halved funding only by stakeholder to help the poor so that they also get a free access to those facilities. The counterpart should pay for those facilities because they have considerable money that does not need to be depended on the authority. To be predicted, this condition will bring notions to a better condition if money appropriately allocates to the necessity facilities and groups. (343 words)

Nur, while your language development and presentation leaves a lot to be desired, that does not detract from the line of reasoning that you are presenting to the reader. The stress of having to analyze your statements exists, but it does not create too severe a problem for the reader. Therefore, you were somewhat successful in delivering a well developed and discussed essay to the reader. The strengths of your essay lie in your clear understanding of the prompt requirements. Your TA scored highly due to the accuracy of your paraphrased opening statement. The GRA was also given better consideration because of the accurately placed examples that you have in your essay. Writing more than 250 words also benefited the essay because you were able to better explain yourself in the essay. It is my belief that the best score this essay could get in an actual setting could be a maximum of 6.

## advantages of the modern life Nowadays our lifestyle is different than past. Translation has improved, Medical sciences developed constantly, communication facilities has blast evolved. Our life is more various and better than it was 100 years ago. Now we can take an air plant to go every country to enjoy the local food, it is difficult to do in hundred years ago. Even the empire or king has not done that in their whole life. Everyone can life as a king now. By the Medical improved, Most of disease can be cured and treated. Our life can be have more hope and comfortable than before. For example: when I catch a cold and have a fever. There has a instance medicine can let me rapid recovery. If this situation is in the past 100 years ago, maybe I would die or become idiot. People can use communication facilities to easy connect a person who living in other part of world. The cost is cheaper than it was a hundred years ago. Now, I am enjoyed these convenient and used to this modern life, I can't image to go back in the past of 100 years ago.

Wen wen, your score for this essay cannot be higher than a 4 for number of reasons. First of all, while you did write a little over 150 words, all of your paragraphs are under developed and carry confusing statements that cause the reader to not fully understand what you are trying to say. Second, you do not clearly identify that you are agreeing with this statement to a particular degree as the prompt instructions require. Finally, your discussion, though simple, is not properly developed in terms of sentence structure and development. While you did try to use simple sentences, these came across as difficult to read and almost as if you used a translator to write the essay. In fact, you even used the term "translation" in the essay without making any specific reference or explanation as to why you chose that word. It is because of these reasons that your essay cannot pass the test.

## GDP numbers in comparison on three different platforms The provided bar chart compares the average growth in domestic products(GDP) in percentage for three types of platforms: wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers during 40 years from 1960 to 2000. It is clear that the countries adopting globalisation would have GDP growth increased each year whilst there were only declining and unstable trends as to that of the remaining group in almost period. In the years of 1960s, the highest proportion in GDP was roughly 4.7 % coming from wealthy nations while those figures for globalisers and non-globalisers stood at a low of just over 1 % and 2.4 % respectively.Over the next 3 decades, there was a considerable decrease to 2 % in GDP of the rich national group but there has been a steedy development up to nearly 5 % in the group of global approach nations since the first decade. Regarding non-globalisers, their GDP figures were observed as such a minimal fluctuation reaching a peak of over 3% in 1970s and falling to a lowest point of under 1 % in 1980s then 10 years later, it slightly continued rising back to about 1.3 %. * *data for this essay*

Tan, you could have done a better job of discussing the figures in the graph you were provided. The three bodies should have reflected the figures in comparison for the globalisers, non-globalisers, and wealthy countries. That is because an effective summary essay details the specific figures as supplied in the illustration. By grouping the discussion into the 3 groups as supplied by the chart, a more comprehensive and detailed analysis of the comparisons could have been delivered on your end. Such an action would have increased your TA and GRA score as well. Due to the improvements that could have been done in your essay, I think that this version cannot score higher than a 4. That is regardless of the impressive paraphrased discussion statement that you made in the first paragraph.

## numbers of cinema tickets purchased and movies displayed The bar chart illustrates the percentage of four different type of films distributed in Australia and Britain in 2001. The line graph indicates the figure of cinema tickets bought in millions between 1980 and 2001. Overall, the most popular form of cinema markets in Britain and Australia was the US films. The number of British audiences choosing to go to the cinema was more than Australian viewers. In 2001, both Australian and British people preferred watching the US films. In Britain, approximately 78% of the US films screened, compared to about 70% in Australia. While the number for the British films was more popular for British than Australia audiences, at 20% and 7% respectively, the Australian films have most popularity in Australia, at 10%. British people did not watch the Australian films at all. The percentage of the others in Australia stood around at 15%. By contrast, the figure of the others in Britain only reached 1%. The number of people going to the cinema in Australia and Britain both climbed enormously. In 1980, the amount of people who went to the cinema was at 100 million and 40 million respectively in Australia and Britain. In 1984, the number of cinema tickets bought by Australian and British audiences decreased dramatically, at 60% and 255 respectively. In 2000, the percentage of British viewers went on 160 million, whereas the figure of Australian viewers made up 90 million.

Please ask your tutor to teach you more about developing transition phrases and paragraphs. That is an integral part of writing whether in a creative, academic, or casual setting. A transition sentence is used to connect two ideas together. That is done either with a transition sentence such as "While other people think this is true, there are those who think the opposite." With the discussion of the second idea presented in the next paragraph. The transition sentence will show that the topic of discussion is still related to the original topic and that the information to be presented next will help to improve the overall discussion in the essay. In this instance, you could have used either a transition sentence at the end of the paragraph, or created a transition paragraph for a more extended discussion that could have helped to improve your task accuracy and grammar range score.

**Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?** One thing that most important in life of people is happiness. Happiness can find everywhere and whenever we are. It depends on people's own. Some people argue that happiness is difficult to define. And I think it is true. Besides, there are some factors which make happiness, because of the level of person's happiness different from each other. Happiness is difficult to define because of the view every person is different. Every people have had the level of happiness, which important for their life. Happiness brings positive effect for career, environment, or social life of people. Some people say, happiness depends on wealth, property, healthy body, happy family or beautiful face or bodies. In the present, happiness has been synonymous with wealth and perfect body or face shape. For example, People in Korea have had plastic surgery to repair their bodies or make their face more perfect than before. This is a common thing at the moment. Korean's people feel happy if get the ideal bodies shape. On the other hand, people are busy to their job to get much money, because they argue, having much money are important for happiness, but there are another factors aside from wealth. Factors are important in achieving happiness are family, best friends, good relation in social life, environment and always grateful. People who always grateful with their life will get real happiness and will not compare their life than others. Having happy family and best friends are important because they will help to solve every problem and give suggestion and directly bring happiness for life. However, the important things for happiness in daily activities are social life and environment. Having good relation with neighbor or colleagues make people enjoy and always grateful. All in all, happiness is thing that difficult to explain because it is depend on view everyone and the level of their happiness. Happiness is not just about property or wealth but depend on how are we grateful with anything that we have.

Reski, this score could get an average score of 5 overall. The score that I assume you could get is based upon the improperly represented paraphrased statement. While the context of your interpretation is sound, you used the word "And" to start a sentence. Since "And" is used as a term to join a group of related words in a sentence, it cannot be used to start a new sentence. The reason behind that is that there are no other words to join at the start of a sentence, therefore the word should not be used in that position in any paragraph. It can only be used in the middle of a sentence. The rest of the essay delivers simple explanations and English sentences that prove your ability to understand and discuss the prompt requirements. However, your grammar accuracy suffered because of the weak sentence development on your part. Hopefully, you will be able to use more proper English grammar and developed sentences to score higher in this aspect with your future essays.

Please help me to correcting about my answer for scholarship application, This one is talking about my current job, Thank you **Briefly describe the work of this (My current job) organisation (max. 250 words)** ## health care services for Ngronggot community Pusat Kesehatan Masyarakat Ngronggot (Primary/Community Health Center of Ngronggot subdistrict) called Puskesmas Ngronggot is non profit functional organization below The Ministry of Health that give public health service and primary health care services of with more emphasis in promotive and preventive of health problem to the Ngronggot community to achieve high improve in degree of public health area. The cost for operating this organization is provided by shared of regional government and social security administrator (Health insurance system of Indonesia) called Badan Penyelenggara Jaminan Sosial (BPJS) Puskesmas Ngronggot, has responsibilites in several area such as conduct planning based on the analysis of public health issues and health care needed by the community, advocating and socializing health policy, communicating, informating, educating, and empowering community in health area, mobilizing the community to identify and resolve health issues at every level of society development in cooperation with other related sectors, monitoring the implementation of health development program, and providing recommendations related to public health issues,including support for early warning systems and responses to disease. Do my answer good enough? or strong enough to describe my current job organization ?

Diga, if there are English equivalents for the name of your organization, please use them first, with the original name in your native tongue in the parenthesis. That way the reviewer will not get confused immediately upon reading your opening words. I tried to read your essay as it is and I found myself confused because of the non-English description that entered my mind first. it stopped me from reading the rest of your essay. I strongly suggest that you change the wording of the statement to cover the English versions first and foremost. That will also make it easier to describe your work. The reviewer can pretty much imagine what you are trying to say in English but will be at a total loss if you keep referring to the native version of the terms first. The description is fine. We just have to deal with the confusion that the non-English terminology brings in order to make the statement more understandable to the reviewer.

**Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion ?** ## the adulthood ceases to amaze me That question whether youth or adulthood is more joyous, unforgettable remains an unsolvable, tricky and controversial one. Opinions toward this questions are different, some people claim that youngster enjoy their life to the maximum while others assure that being an adult gives you so much more happiness. This essay is going to discuss both point of views and present my own perspective. There is belief that youth is the time at which you are a blooming flower. People usually hit their beauty peak at the age of 20s, at this moment, they are full of energy, enthusiasm, potential and will to do anything.To begin with, teenagers don't have to be under the pressure of financial problem. Since teenagers aren't allowed to labour officially, they are still given money to fulfill their personal interest or demand by the government as well as their family. Otherwise, teenagers are also supported emotionally, led to do legal things, taught to be a better person, some even got help to do build up their future plans by the experienced generation. As a result, adolescents are able to participate in variety of social activities passionately, carefreely. Moreover, the scents of first love, first heartbreak, first rebellious behaviour, such first impression could only be tasted at a very innocent age. On the other hand, adults have to face many kinds of responbility, struggle in all kinds of bills every months, figure out how to make the best decision to their personal issue without affecting others. These hardship comes along with the maturity. However, they are still manage to find cherish in things that other ages lack of, independence. They are permitted to earn their own money and spend it as they wish to do, to do as their heart lead them, not to listen to others' guidance since they are old enough to take the consequences for their choices. The freedom of a citizen, of a fully-educated, the weath of an experienced man is a prize for any grown-up. Relationships to adults are long-term, trustworthy and tested one. Their partner at this time wouldn't be the person who betrayed them as they were younger, totally clueless in life, at this point, they have all set up strong friendships, they have the abilities pick up who to get close to among their acquaitances so that their life can be less dramatic, insecurity. Admittedly, though both times can bring you joyeux, adulthood cease to amaze me by its promising benefits, the chance to be more confident with sharpen experiences.

Pham, you indicated in the outline that you were going to discuss both points of view and also offer your personal opinion related to the discussion. I see two points of view being discussed in the essay but no personal point of view coming from you. I think you forgot about that. The lack of a personal opinion on your part is what severely lowered the score for this essay. The most common misconception with this type of essay is that your personal opinion should cover points A and B in the discussion. That is never the case. The format for this essay is always as follows: Par. 1: Paraphrased statement plus outline of discussion (includes a reference to your opinion) Par. 2: Point A discussion Par. 3: Point B discussion Par. 4: Personal opinion discussion Par. 5: Concluding statement. The essay prompt itself already clues you in on the chronological order of the discussion and expected discussion points. Always take your format outline from there in order to present an effective essay. For now, the score of your essay would be a 4. This is based on the wrong discussion format and lack of personal opinion. The task accuracy score lost major points due to that error.

## users of fancy mobile phones The table shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features between 2006 and 2010. Throughout the period shown, the main purpose of using mobile phone is making calls. But after the years, technologies are increased and developed new function of mobile phones such as Internet and record video. In 2006, each person used mobile phone for making calls and 73% of them used phones to send text messages and 66% of people used it to take photos. Less 20 % of people played games and music on their phones.There were no figures for users doing Internet searches and recording video. In 2010, all were changed. Using Internet function was 44% in 2008 and would increase to 73% in 2010. There was also a significant rise in the use of mobile to play games and to record video, with figyres reaching 41% and 35% in 2010. Using phone to take photos and send messages is little changed. *

Raimov, your overview summary needs more work. It would have been best if you combined the first paragraph with the second paragraph in order to create a more appropriate summary of the information in the report. While you reported on the figures for 2006 and 2010, you totally forgot to make a representation of the individualized data for the year 2008. That is the information in the middle of the chart, between 2006 and 2010. Without that information, the data you provided is incomplete, inconclusive, and misleading. Due to the grave mistake in your representation of the factual data you were provided to summarize, this essay cannot score higher than a 4. You must make sure to always double check the information in your summary based upon the figures you are provided. If anything is missing, your score will lose points and affect your overall score.

**Many young people in the workforce today change their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons for this？ Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage？** ## young people change their jobs every few years Nowadays, many young people in the workforce choose other jobs or occupations every few years because they think that this can benefit themselves. I do not think that the advantages of changing jobs outweigh the disadvantages from many aspects. There are some reasons why young people would change their jobs every few years. For instance, changing the workplace can help them develop other professional skills. Because it is more competitive for young people in the workforce today than in the past, learning more skills in workplaces can give them more job opportunities. Besides, this phenomenon usually results from the payment. If other positions or occupations offer a better salary, they are easily to change their jobs. In general, young people can get benefits from changing jobs or careers. On the other hand, changing jobs too often has some disadvantages. Firstly, this may post a threat to their job security. Employers are easily to think that they are not loyal to their companies. Secondly, if young people change jobs too often, they might lose chances of promotion. It could be seen in many companies that most managers or directors are experienced and have devoted themselves to the same position or company for several years. Thirdly, for those young people who are easily to change their job often, they have to spend time on searching a new room or flat as well to shorten their traveling time to work. From my point of view, there are both advantages and disadvantages of changing a job or career. If young people intend to change their work or occupation every few years, they have to compare the pros and cons.

Ke, it appears to me that you have a thorough understanding of the prompt requirements. Your discussions reflect some pretty acceptable reasons for the discussion and you were able to add a simple point of view coming from your analysis of the situation. These are all good traits in the essay. However, there are still a few shortcomings that should have been addressed. First of all, you never offer an opinion or a point of view in the summary statement. Aside from the paraphrasing, you should only offer an outline of the discussion to follow, without any additional information yet. The reason you should not include information in the first paragraph is the same reason why you are not allowed to introduce new information in the conclusion, you will be unable to properly develop the reason at that point so it is best to give it a stand alone, explanatory paragraph within the essay instead. The essay would also have been better presented and have more of an authoritative slant if you had presented only one advantage and disadvantage to discuss in separate paragraphs. It is not the number of supporting facts that you present to the examiner that matters but the quality of the supporting facts. If it shows a clear ability to analyze a statement and defend it in English, then your grammar accuracy and task accuracy will be scored higher. That said, you also failed to develop a proper concluding statement for the essay. Please refer to the reasons I cited for the opening statement for the explanation of the mistake in your concluding statement. Due to these reasons, it will be most likely that you would not score higher than a 5.

## diarrhea instances figure The line chart provides data about the changes of number of diarrhea cases occuring in Mashhad from 1983 to 1992. Overall, the figures of diarhhea cases dropped significantly at the end of given period despite fluctuations occur over time. Besides, they were at their highest in '89 while the lowest figures could be observed in '92. In the three first years ('83, '84, '85), they stood at 100 and remained relatively unchanged. The figure then rose considerably to reach about 190 in '96. A year after that, this was followed by a slight increase to the level of 200. However, this upward trend was suddenly broken and the number of diarhhea sufferings plummeted dramatically back to the initial level in '88. Afterwards, an enormous surge was seen in '88; fourfold higher than the former figure. Nevertheless, in the following year, a plunge appear tp 300 and the figure remained steady until '91. Interestingly, the figure dipped tremendously and hit the zero level of diarhhea cases in the last given period. *

Ainun, regardless of the minor problems that exist in your essay, those do not erase the fact that you still wrote an essay that can quite possibly, garner you a score of 6 in an actual test. So what did you do right which garnered you that score? Though your paraphrasing was simple enough to sound similar to the original, you had still changed enough of it to create the impression that you understood the topic for discussion. You need not provide a long winded paraphrased prompt if the grammar development is not proper. In this instance, your grammar score was helped by the fact that you kept your discussion simple enough to be understood and at least show that you had more than a mechanical understanding of the prompt. While your discussion could have used a more serious and creative explanation, the fact that you wrote this under time constraint and that you were still able to accurately represent all of the data in the essay, helped to boost your possible score. With that said, there was a slight error in your representation as the years of 84 and 85 had a very slight change, with a small increase in 85 that you failed to notice. Those are the minute data comparisons that you were expected to spot in the line graph but you failed to present in your summary. It happens, but it is better for your score if you train yourself to spot the small differences in order to increase your task accuracy and grammar range score.

Topic: **It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents.Do you agree or disagree?** ## living-away student There is an opinion that students should take priority to living away from home than sharing place with their parents.I completely agree with this idea for several reasons. Firstly,staying away from home means changing the living environment,which encourages the independence of students.Due to the lack of parental intervention,tertiary students have to deliver importants decisions themselves in tough time,by which contributes to their maturity and self-control. Secondly,some essential skills such as problem-solving skills are improved as well.The chance of making aquantance with others can enable students to build their social and interpersonal skills,some of which are vital to their future careers.Participating in extracurricular activities taken place in dormitory,or communicating with students from various backgrounds will definitely sharpen their soft skills and enhance their cultural sensitivity. In conclusion,living-away students have a variety of benefits which the family-oriented students hardly gains.

Do, since this essay clearly asks you to agree or disagree with the opinion provided, you must clearly indicate that you are in agreement with the proposal by saying "I agree with this belief for a number of reasons which will be discussed shortly." Speaking of which, you are severely under the minimum 250 word count requirement, which will have a severe negative effect on your final score Always try to write the minimum number in order to at least get a decent task accuracy mark. While your discussion is sound and really carries weight, the fact that you are under the word count means that there could have been further development and justification for your belief in the statement. That is why I do not think that this essay can score any more than a 4 in an actual setting.

## asking for a favor Cambridge book 10, Test A, Task 1 You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter 1 give details of your study plans 2 explain why you want to get a part-time job 3 suggest how your friend could help you find a job Dear Kate, I hope you and your family are doing great. By the way, I have a good news for you; I am coming to America in next April. Because I am going to start my degree at Indiana state university. Since my parents can only cover the tuition fee of my undergraduate course; I must find a part-time job to cover my accommodation and other living expenses. Moreover, the undergraduate course classes will be having only on weekday mornings during the first year: Hence, I can work in the afternoons, evenings, weekends. Moreover, I would like to ask you to find a part-time job for me, once I arrive in Indiana. It will be really great if you can find me this part time work at the place you are currently working; because we can spend most of our time together. I would be much obliged if you can give me a feedback at your earliest convenience. Regards, Nilendra

NIlendra, there are number of problems with this essay. The main problem that it has is that you only wrote the required elements of the letter, without considering the tone and presentation. Content-wise, the essay covers the basics, writing ability wise, you have a long way to go when it comes to writing a "friendly" letter in English. You need to be conscious of your grammar rules. University names are capitalized when written as that is the proper name of a place. You also need to give more details about your study plan in order to convince your friend that you will really need help once you get to the U.S. Bear in mind that you are supposed to be writing to a friend. Someone whom you have known for a period of time. Hence, the letter should have a warm and hopeful tone in it. Instead, you order your friend to find you a job. As if it is this person's responsibility to gainfully employ you somehow just because you are coming to her country. That is not how a friend would approach this. It has to be a request, based upon specific information. An example of how to write this letter would be : *Dear Kate, Remember how we use to kid about me coming to America someday? How you would love to show me around and help me get used to a culture so far and different from mine? We thought that was just a piped dream right? Well, I actually worked on making that dream a reality for us. I am finally coming to America as a college student! I hope you are as excited as I am. I will be attending Indiana State University this coming semester as a Journalism freshman. Yes, it is the same university that you are attending at the moment. The idea of attending the same school as you really has me giddy with anticipation for my coming school year. However, my excitement is facing a slight hitch. Since my parents can only afford to cover my tuition and school related expenses, they won't be sending me an allowance. They only agreed to let me study in the US if I can provide for myself in other aspects. So I was wondering, is there a chance that you can help me find a part time job? I know that you work at Bob's Burger as a part-timer. Do you think they can hire an extra hand? I'm available to work afternoons since I only have classes in the morning. If they can't, I hope you can help me track down other part time work possibilities? You know that I will greatly appreciate all the help you can give me while I work on assimilating into the American way of life. I'll email you the details of my arrival as soon as I have my ticket. I am looking forward to arriving before school starts so that we can spend some time together while I look for work. See you soon ! Your friend,* Based on the above example, I hope you can understand why the score of your essay cannot be higher than a 4.

**Cambridge book 10, test A, task 2 In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime ? How can we deal with those causes ?** ## main causes of the criminality rise Criminal activities have risen all over the world in past few decades. This essay will discuss the main reasons for the former statement, and it will provide the possible solutions for those reasons. It is undeniable that most of the criminals in contemporary world use advance technological methods to their activities. Most of the crimes occurring in the present-day related to online fraud. Moreover, these online criminals not only trying to steal the money of the people but, they are after the vital information of other people and countries. For instance; founder of the wiki-leaks website arrested due to accessing and stealing vital information of popular people, and countries, over the internet . Furthermore, many people have died over the past few years due to gun fires. Most of the western countries, citizens can legally obtain weapons from the shops; whereas, in developing countries, gangster groups acquire these weapons illegally. Consequently, they use these weapons to kill their enemies, rather than solving problems legally or peacefully. However, most of these crimes can be avoided if the governments make rules and regulations to punish the criminals. In addition, if governments banned the weapons for the public; it will be really beneficial for the safety of the citizens. Most of the developing countries do not have rules and regulations to act against cyber-crimes. In conclusion, the increasing crime rate worldwide has alarmed everybody. Cyber-crimes and weak rules and regulations are the main reasons for this. However, governments can control this situation by introducing new rules and regulations.

NIlendra, there is a clear misunderstanding of the prompt which has led me to believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 for this essay. The main problem, is that you are not actually discussing the causes of crimes in the general manner that the discussion requires. Instead you focused on cyber crime and firearms misuse. Which generally are the accessories to the crime, not the cause of the crime. The main causes of crime that you should have discussed include, poverty, lack of education, lack of jobs, etc. These are the commonly known reasons for crime which are acceptable and easy to defend in this essay. The method by which these crimes can be dealt with would also be as simple as saying, improving the educational system, keeping people in school, encouraging them to attend vocational school, or having the government pay to train the people for jobs. Your response ran counter to the prompt expectations and did not really deliver an acceptable solution to the proposed problem. You have to first, understand the prompt topic and instructions before you can accurately outline the essay and discuss it. If you feel confused as to the proposed essay discussion, ask someone who has good English comprehension skills to explain it to you.

Hii friends, I am planning for GRE . I would be thankful if you provide any shortcoming related to a essay and rate it. **Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible. Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.** Here we go.... ## participation in development of society and surrounding There are copious corporations all over the world, related to various fields. As it operate, should it be responsible for advancement of society in which they are blend? There is always a heated debate about it. The responsibility of corporation towards society and environment is inevitable, as use of resources from the society and environment and role of corporation in shaping society make corporation morally obliged to contribute for society. Because society is supreme need of corporation, corporation can't ignore them. The corporations such as factories, industries use various resources from the environment like air, water, raw materials and society- manpower, and earn benefits from it. So, corporations are morally obliged to contribute some hand in ascendancy of environment and society. Recognizing such obligation, corporation, from developed countries, first developed corporation social responsibility, widely known as CSR, strategy and policy applied by management of corporation for the advancement of society and environment. CSR, hinged upon each company regulation, looks after the society, in which they are blend in, aids various environmental organizations. Further, due to increases of such consciousness in other parts of world, countries such as China, India, and Pakistan are developing such policy in country company act. Workers, who are produced by society, are back bone of corporation, so worker deterioration, either mentally or physically, can lead to down fall of it. The corporation has to look after the worker and family members. Moreover, the corporations are also threat to society and environment. Unlike old generation, corporations, nowadays, are big, use much resource, and produce much pollution. Being unconcerned about their effects, corporation can further aggravate the issue. So corporations should be responsible for the society and environment. For instance, TATA steels of India, allocate 2 percent of company profit to check the environmental deterioration, promote health status of society members. However, some may assert that sole role of corporation it to earn money, but they forget that the corporation earns money from utilization of society and surrounding. If the company acts for profit purpose only, without alleviating various environmental caused by it, then there is a chance of hostility between corporation and society. Such companies are likely to downfall. They are many companies which are closed due to such reason. In the other hands, participating in environmental developmental plan and health plan, corporations are likely to have good reputation. Such reputation is required for sustainability and prosperity of corporation itself. In conclusion, corporation engagement in development of society and surrounding are not avoidable as it benefits greatly from society and surrounding, possess greater hazard to environment and helps to develop affable relationship. Every corporation, I believe that, should be aware for their participation in development of society and surrounding.

Paras, your score for this essay cannot be higher than a 3 for the following reasons: Your overview summary does not accurately outline the prompt discussion. When you are asked to present a discussion aligning with your own position on a given topic, while also addressing both points of view presented, you should do exactly that. In this essay though, you place your point of view only as a single sentence at the end of the discussion. Your point of view should have come at the beginning of the essay. The format for this type of essay should have a proper overview in the opening statement, inclusive of your point of view. A better second paragraph would have first discussed the point of view you do not support, in general terms, so that you can oppose the point of view at the end of the paragraph as a manner of transitioning to your own position. The next 2 paragraphs should (1) represent the point of view aligned with your own (2) present a better developed personal point of view that can better support the public point of view that you support. With the final paragraph simply concluding the statement, without offering new information. Basically, your discussion is good but was not properly represented in the essay. It is because of these reasons that your score could not be higher than a 3. I hope to see some improvement with the next GRE practice essay you work on.