"Yeah, sorry for not writing for a whole there, but I've had a pretty busy weekend so far. I found out I have about 20 tests on Tuesday because my teachers are evil...but oh well. We had marching yesterday. It was cool. We stayed inside the whole time, and I got to play second part, so the music part will be really easy. I left early from marching at around 5:00, then went out to dinner with my friends (I made the plans before I knew about marching). So, dinner was fun. It was Kelly's birthday, so it was cool. Then we went to Kel's for a sleepover, and did bunches of neat stuff, and I went to sleep earlier than usual for a sleepover since I had to be at a Bar Mitzvah this morning. It was pretty neat. I have to do this project for CR, and we have to go to two different places of worship than our own. So, one is obviously a Jewish synagogue, and I think I'm going to go to a mosque for my other one, but who knows...so, this has been my only chance to write, and I actually have to go now, so I'll write more later...maybe. *Ya di amore*"

"23,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, so today was ok, late arrival. I'm not in the mood to write much, so..I probably will end up writing a ton. I always end up doing that when I say I don't want to write much. Nothing interesting happened in any of my classes, and I only talked with a couple of good people including, "You know who"...except, you don't know who, "You know who," is. Oh well, no one reads this thing anyway. I made it to the top of the rock climbing wall today. Kelly and I intend to conquer the whole wall. It'll be fun. Jazz was good fun as always...heh, and that's really it. Have a lovely evening everyone, and I am off to sleepyland. (I actually didn't write a lot. I'm shocked.) *Ya di Amore*"

"20,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yay, Tuesday...no longer Monday! Whoopie! Plus...late arrival tomorrow which is always good...except, we've only had it once, so yeah...I'll shut up now. Anyway, my day was ok. I sat alone on the bus again! Yay, go being alone on the bus! Umm, I didn't get to finish my EPVM homework before school because Mr. A wouldn't let us in. What a poopeyhead. Anyway, yeah, I ended up just reading There Are No Children Here . Great book, I'd suggest reading it. Depressing though. So, when we finally got in there, I was like, "All right! I still have time to do homework," but then Nathan's like, "We're still having sectionals." Now you see, we have four people in our trumpet section for jazz because one quit, and one of the kids in the section didn't show up, so our sectional consisted of Nathan, Tom, and I just playing randomly. Oh fun! Nathan kind of forgot to give Alstadt his keys back after opening one of the practice rooms, and took them to math with him. I had to go find him, and get the keys from him. His math teacher kind of glared at me, but oh well. At least I missed warming up in WE. So, yeah, I tried doing the homework in WE, but of course there was Dan, Dave, Peter, and Don being mean...shock shock. At least Matt's a nice kid. So, we played this song in WE (Wow, we played music in music class, woo!) and there was this one part that only 3rd and 4th trumpet play, and I was trying to play it right, but Dan was playing it wrong, and he was sitting next to me, so it's hard not to go with what he's doing.. So...we probably both messed up, and it just didn't combine well, but of course...I was the one who got yelled at for it. Oh well. I'll seek revenge on them someday. We talked about transposing in Music Theory, fun stuff, and they actually said that I'm too hard on myself. I thnk I'm not hard enough on myself. Moving along...EPVM (Nap time!) we talked about past tense, and whatnot. Very boring stuff. Umm, gym...heh, whoops, forgot gym shoes, oh well, it happens. So, I read all period. Math...ok, I was determined not to answer. I don't like answering in that class...but, most of my class...arg...dumb as rocks. It's really obnoxious. I'm not saying I'm an Einstein, but really people...so, I was finally forced to succumb to the evil math devil, and I answered. My math teacher is...well, to say the least a bit boring. Mr. Madsen...eek. Even the name is boring. Oh well...umm, lunch..watched Kelly beat Brett at chess...It was interesting. Comparative Religions was good as usual, and science was...boring, as usual. Talking to Alex and Joanne now.They're really cool kids. Alex put me in his profile...he's back on my nice list. :) Anyway...jazz after school was interesting, but gosh darnit!! I am SO bad at improv Why? I'm probably making it a lot harder than it should be, but...I'm just not the most outgoing person when it comes to playing my trumpet. I was told by a clarinet player that I have a small head, and you know good trumpet players. They all have really big heads, that of course meaning egos. So...possibly I just should have picked flute. Oh well...we just found out we're supposed to have jazz combo on Tuesday's. I had no idea, and already had plans I couldn't cancel, so...now I feel awful for leaving them. Sorry guys...but yeah, I ate dinner, had a lesson, and now here I am...pondering the meaning of life...no not really, but oh well. Nothing more to write now, possibly more later....possibly... ~Ya di amore~"

"19,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"RAR!"

"18,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Thought- OK...so, I'm all for midgets and whatnot. I'm not all, "down with midgets," but really, don't you think it'd be rude to say, "Up with midgets?" ~Ya di amore~"

"18,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, so it's later. My parents found something constructive for me to do...clean. Grrr, why do parents always think of that constructive crap? It's really obnoxious. I'm sitting here enjoyig my time of peace, no homework, and listening to jazz...and all of a sudden, "Hey catie, go clean." So, I say what I always say, "Yeah sure, fine, I'll clean." (Of course I almost never do this,) except..the problem was, my mom came upstairs, and asked me all nicely and whatnot to clean with that momly voice that makes you feel really guilty. and so I trudge downstairs get the cleaning stuff, and clean the bathroom. Bleh! I can't stand cleaning. I think I should be a gold digger, and marry a rich guy so I can have a cleaning lady, and so I can hire a cook to make me peanut butter sandwiches all the time, and then when I get super duper fat, and this guy wants a divorce, it'll all be good, because I won't have signed a prenuptial agreement. So I'll still get half the assets. Now of course, I'll have to become a witch first in order to make a rich guy, or any guy for that matter marry me. But see...now you all know my plan, so I'll have to come up with a new plan. Oh well. Anyway, I really have nothing to write, but I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I'm just writing. I wish I could go to the park. It's my favorite place in the world. I bring my mini disc thing-a-ma-bobber, and go on the swings, and think and swing at the same time. It really is a fantastic place to go when you need to be alone, and think about stuff...except when the little kids come, and they look at you like you're frankenstein because you're a big kid on a swing...so, they're all afraid to get onto that other swing. It drives them crazy, because I usually stay there for an hour or so. I love little kids. They make me laugh. :) Anyway, I've bored you enough, so I shall write more at some later time. ~Ya di amore~"

"18,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, so this is just a place for me to vent about my, "oh so horrible life in my bubble town." Sarcasm really is wasted online most of the time. I don't know why I bother with it. It either sounds like I'm a mean horrible person, or I'm serious. Oh well, anyway, today was surprisingly good for a Monday. I got a pretty good night of sleep last night, and actually did my homework. Went to school, sadly on the bus...but at least I got to sit alone. Why sit alone you ask? It's my only time to have, "Alone time," and I had my trumpet with me, so that kind of gets in the way. Anyway, I got to school, and of course said hello to everyone. Brandon was at least feeling a little better today which is good...except for the story that went along with it, which involved him, and ceramic (he, of course did not say that as politely.) Anyway, that was good. Carson came by to see me, and check on this alleged new mitten policy, and she wears mittens in school all the time, so of course she was upset. I made the rounds with her after that, saw cute Jake, a girl from Speech Team, and some other folks. The six minute bell didn't ring so I was a bit late getting to Wind Ensemble. Meh, it's ok. My trumpet section is crazy anyway. We were supposed to be doing sectionals, but that didn't exactly happen...we sort of got yelled at by A. I played my music theory composition (which was horrid) but I'm glad I got it over with. Mrs. Kane yelled at us about our Lit Analysis papers...no F's but some D's...that'll be me. Anyway, rock climbing in gym today! Yay! It was super fun. I just want to do more of it. Ummm, then the rest of my day was even more uneventful than the first half, but I actually have no homework, so what am I supposed to do with my time? Something else productive? Psh. Yeah right. We didn't end up having combo, which of course...was excellent, because I can't solo...heh. We wont even go down that road, but anyway, then I came home, ate food, and here I am...being incredibly wasteful of my time, and writing this thing. I'll write more later...maybe...if anything actually happens. Anyway, I'm out for now. ~Ya di amore~"

"18,November,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Eventful day...well, sort of. Eventful to me considering I'm a loser with no life. I just got home from the second party I went to tonight. It was super-duper fun, as was the first party I went to....but, I'll talk about that more later. Well, today was the last day before break, and it was dress up day, so naturally, I wore my dressiest outfit. Pajamas. They had stars on them. Quite nifty. Got the school newspaper, and there was this editorial (editorial being the operative word there, meaning that they ARE allowed to have opinions) in there that talked about teens and sex. They used band practice rooms, and band in general to prove their point. Honestly, I think people are making far too big of a deal out of it. It's a stupid editorial. Editorials are supposed to get a rise out of you. They're opinions. So, my opinion of the whole situation is to let it go, and be mature about it, but...many of the band kids beg to differ with me. Oh well. Anyway, this contraversial story was the highlight of my school day. Quite amusing. After school, I came home, blah-de-blah-de-blah, and then at 5:15'ish Carson picked me up, and we went to Noodles to celebrate her birthday. It was really fun. I got to meet some really awesome people. :) When we went in, these kids from Nequa stole our table. We plotted to get revenge, but never did. Then during dinner, this really creepy guy kept looking at us. He came at three different times during the meal looking through the window. *Shiver* Then, when we decided to go home and were standing outside waiting for Carson's mom to come, this guy in a van asks us where Naperville Central is, so, being the polite kids we are, we told him. So, then he says, "Are you sure?" We say, "Yes, we're sure." "Do you kids go there?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "OK, so I take a left, then another left at the bell tower. Are you sure?" "Yes!" Finally, after asking us about ten thousand times if we're sure, he turns the corner, and we start talking, and we're like, "Didn't he notice the jackets, and he asked, "Are you sure," a heck of a lot." To our dismay, he was still basically right there. With his windows rolled down. Whoops. Oh well, that was my adventure at Noodles. Carson's parents drove us home, and I went to Kathryn's for her shindig. It was also tons of fun. We were looking at classified ads in the newspaper it was hilarious. "HOT Victoria's secret model. Likes to rollerblade, work out, talk, and MUCH more." "Great looking man looking for a vivacious woman to please me." It was just too funny. Well, I should be off to bed now. I have to get up early the first day of Winter Break? How poopy is that? My brother has a bunch of friends over though, so, it'll be hard to fall asleep with all the noise. I'll just turn my music up. :) Anyway, I'm off to sleepyland. Goodnight everyone. Sweet dreams. *Ya di amore*"

"20,December,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Eventful day...well, sort of. Eventful to me considering I'm a loser with no life. I just got home from the second party I went to tonight. It was super-duper fun, as was the first party I went to....but, I'll talk about that more later. Well, today was the last day before break, and it was dress up day, so naturally, I wore my dressiest outfit. Pajamas. They had stars on them. Quite nifty. Got the school newspaper, and there was this editorial (editorial being the operative word there, meaning that they ARE allowed to have opinions) in there that talked about teens and sex. They used band practice rooms, and band in general to prove their point. Honestly, I think people are making far too big of a deal out of it. It's a stupid editorial. Editorials are supposed to get a rise out of you. They're opinions. So, my opinion of the whole situation is to let it go, and be mature about it, but...many of the band kids beg to differ with me. Oh well. Anyway, this contraversial story was the highlight of my school day. Quite amusing. After school, I came home, blah-de-blah-de-blah, and then at 5:15'ish Carson picked me up, and we went to Noodles to celebrate her birthday. It was really fun. I got to meet some really awesome people. :) When we went in, these kids from Nequa stole our table. We plotted to get revenge, but never did. Then during dinner, this really creepy guy kept looking at us. He came at three different times during the meal looking through the window. *Shiver* Then, when we decided to go home and were standing outside waiting for Carson's mom to come, this guy in a van asks us where Naperville Central is, so, being the polite kids we are, we told him. So, then he says, "Are you sure?" We say, "Yes, we're sure." "Do you kids go there?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "OK, so I take a left, then another left at the bell tower. Are you sure?" "Yes!" Finally, after asking us about ten thousand times if we're sure, he turns the corner, and we start talking, and we're like, "Didn't he notice the jackets, and he asked, "Are you sure," a heck of a lot." To our dismay, he was still basically right there. With his windows rolled down. Whoops. Oh well, that was my adventure at Noodles. Carson's parents drove us home, and I went to Kathryn's for her shindig. It was also tons of fun. We were looking at classified ads in the newspaper it was hilarious. "HOT Victoria's secret model. Likes to rollerblade, work out, talk, and MUCH more." "Great looking man looking for a vivacious woman to please me." It was just too funny. Well, I should be off to bed now. I have to get up early the first day of Winter Break? How poopy is that? My brother has a bunch of friends over though, so, it'll be hard to fall asleep with all the noise. I'll just turn my music up. :) Anyway, I'm off to sleepyland. Goodnight everyone. Sweet dreams. *Ya di amore*"

"18,December,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

":o) Hey...it looks like Alex. You know, the nose taking up the whole face kind of thing!! Except the smiley is MUCH cuter!"

"18,December,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I'm baaack, well, sort of. I have a lesson soon, so I'm really not back for long, just looking for something to do to pass the time. Oh look! A penny! :) So, how was everyone's day? Makes ya think...well, makes me hink, (which is nearly impossible) of who actually answers back to the computer. I certainly do. Then again...I can be seen talking to Genevieve, my locker at school. You know what bugs me? No? Yes? Well, what bugs me (aside from the word, "bugs,") is parentheses. I use them all the time, but I don't know how to use them correctly. Grr, pooey. It's like the tootsie roll thing, except instead of, "The world may never know," it's more like, "Catie may never know because she's an idiot." OK...this will probably be a pretty abrupt change in subjects but someone just called me, and I completely forgot what I was writing about, and I don't want to take the effort to get back into the train of thought I was in before. Steve just called about chem stuff. He's such a cool kid, I love him. In a friend kind of way of course. :) He's also got the coolest hair. Chemistry...ah, I dislike it with a deep burning passon that eats away at the soul. No...not really, but..it is rather obnoxious. Well..we had the whole evening with humanities thing kast night. Yikes. It was...not great, lets just put it that way, and never bring it up again. Hmmm, this is odd. I have no homework for once, and I had a free afternoon. No jazz all week. This is both good and bad. I love jazz, and yet...it's nice to have free time. I wonder if anyone's noticed how completely random everything I've written on here is. Heh. More fun! You all know me...spontanious Catie. RAR! Ah, guess what? Guess...come on...I bet you aren't guessing...GUESS!!! Alright sorry, I'll just tell you. I went on high ropes yesterday, and made it across the swinging balance beam with Peter. Of course, Mr. Z finds something wrong in EVERYTHING we do, so...Peter and I didn't do it correctly. Evil. Hmmm...possibly I should go warm up for my trumpet lesson. Yes? No? Ah, that's super fun to say. I'm having so much fun writing random stuff thought. Oh well, more later maybe. You're all fantastic people if you've made it this far. Either that, or your just dumb and don't know that the little X in the upper right-hand corner gets you away from this madness. *Ya di amore* :o)"

"15,December,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow, haven't written in a long time. Been pretty busy lately with Disney and then make-up work. Disney was a blast. Even the bus ride wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. it was actually kind of...well...fun. *Gasp* Yes well, I did enjoy myself at Disney, but it's nice to be home. I've created a theory about going on vacation with your friends. Don't. At least for more than two days. After about the second day, people started getting really sick of each other, and got very edgy. (Didn't help that the bus ride there was 31 hours.) Yes, well...I've finaly pretty much caught up with make-up work. Yay! I'm writing this feature story for journalism. I'm actually getting pretty into it. It's about Teenagers VS. Adults. It's pretty fun doing the research for it. Yes...but anyway....not talking about school anymore...it's evil. Our jazz band had a gig on Wednesday, and I got a ride, and was late getting there. I got there at the end of the last song...which is the song I had a soli in. Whoops...Oh well, it happens. Honestly, that's about all that's been going on, and now I'm off to the mall. I wish it would snow... *Ya Di Amore*"

"15,December,2002"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Hehe, just finished dinner! Yum! I'm so happy right now. I don't even know why, I just...am! I'm talking to a bunch of my friends while writing this, which is always fun. Plus I'm doing homework, PLUS I'm watching Law & Order...how massively talented am I? Well, my day was pretty kick butt. Umm, no band OR music theory...very cool, so Kristen and I sat together and did homework and discussed Winter. Next period I hung out with Chris and Kelly for a bit (Alex too for a bit, since he was in Gym) and I left eventually. They started working on music, and...I just always end up feeling left out when they do, so, I try to stay away from those two together in general.Oh well, I went and sat alone in a practice room. Darn...no good stories for the newspaper to write about me. That was a great story, no matter how angry people are about the band comment. I wish people would have read the story actually, instead of reaching paragraph two and deciding it was terrible. Well, anyway, umm...EPVM was interesting. I'm getting nervous about my final. My brother said it was difficult...my brother with the perfect ACT AND SAT scores...arg. I just...wow, I'm so afraid of that test. I'm completely going to fail. Gym...oh jeez...two words Commando Crawl OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Good lord...that was one of the most painful...oh jeez...just thinking about it. Seriously, if you ever by some chance do that for high ropes...WEAR PANTS! Well, yes...wear pants normally, but don't wear shorts, make sure they are pants, because...it's quite painful if you don't. I made it through though, so it's all good! It just hurt...a lot. Math, boring, shock shock. Intervening thought: Why do I always write these while talking to Alex?? Lunch...was interesting. Just hung out with Kelly and Emily some, then Chris and Alex. It was cool...not much to it. Comparative Religion was boring...just, meh, presenting projects...and finally chem...boring, shock shock, and then, I came home, and did stuff, and that is the end of my day...therefore, I shall leave, and go kill alex...I mean...wait...you know NOTHING. You have no evidence...:)"

"14,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I got so many compliments on my hair! It was awesome, I got it cut, and layered last night, and I really really like it! It's shorter, but it's still really great! Right now I'm looking for new furniture for my room. I'm completely re-doing it, except for the floor. I like having a wood floor. Easier to clean if you spill something...which is inevitable with me. So, anyway. jusat waiting for dinner to be done, then all I have to do is study for my Science test. Arg...stupid science. Oh well, we have later arrival tomorrow! YES! I was hoping, and hoping, but I was upset because I wanted a late arrival day, and didn't think we had one, and then Bryan (with a y) was like, "yeah, norkus you idiot!" Ouch...oh well, how can one be sad when there's late arrival!?!?! Except, finals are next week, and I'm not ready at all. I should maybe actually study this time, considering I have not studied for finals yet since High School started....surprisingly though...I've done well. I don't get it. If I could just learn not to avoid homework, I'd be doing well. For most kids, it's the tests that make the problem, for me, it's the homework. Yay! Dinner...I'll write more later!.."

"13,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Avoiding homework...yet again, shock shock. plus i just painted my nails, and typing is something I can actually do without messing them up. I'll go back to homework in a bit. Umm, today was great! I saw *HIM* EEK! like four times. It was great...plus he actually NOTICED me, and spoke to me like...two out of the three times I talked to him. Exciting stuff.:) So, yes anyway, school wasn't bad. I went and sat with my best buds this morning instead of waiting outside the band room. It was fun. I miss seeing them as much as I do. Kathryn's doing well, she was just working on her paper, and of course Joanne and john were flirting. :) They make such a great couple. I get a little jealous at times though. I sort of wish I had someone like that. I'm still deciding who, and IF I want to ask someone to Winter. I would actually really like to go, but who to ask?? Certainly not *HIM* :) Couldn't do that. I figure I'll just go with a friend or something, and it'll all be good. OK...so, anyway, Kelly S. was cool as usual. She was complaining about stuff...as usual, but I love her to death just the same. Yeah, so...umm, went to band, Peter was gone, so...there wasn't AS much making fun of me as there usually is...oh darn. It was actually, ...scary as it is..., a bit unnerving. I actually got used to them all making fun of me every day, and it just wasn't balanced. Meh. Music theory was ok, but I'm still seriously thinking about dropping the class. I mean, I don't learn a lot, and I don't really enjoy the class too much. I could be doing more useful things with my time. Kelly..coyle that is got kind of angry with me about it. Oh well, I have to do what's best for me, and that may be what's best for me. EPVM...borring, as usual. We had a sub...so, whatever, nothing big. Gym..I went on high ropes!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo scared. You have no idea. It was terrible...except, fun! I was so scared when I first went up there, but Mehgan and I kicked booty! We got three done today. We could have gotten more if Allen hadn't been an idiot...arg. What a silly boy! He went up there just so he could come back down right away. That's the only reason he wanted to go up. So that wasted a good ten minutes. My watch fell off while I was up there and I totally flipped out! Eek! Kelly got pretty mad at Erica...I don't know...I hope no one's mad at me right now. I just really don't like when people are mad at me. Math was...arg. I've finally learned the trick to his teaching though. He's actually a pretty darn good teacher if you can stay awake in his class. Eek, sorry, have to go...I'll write more when I get back from getting my hair cut :)"

"13,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Welp...haha, what a funny word, perhaps because it isn't a word? Yes, yes that is it. Well, anyway, I just finished my paper a bit ago, and now my mom is correcting it. Gulp! I've seriously forgotten how to write normally!!! Stupid Mrs. Kane, and her Journalistic style of writing! I can't write normally anymore, I really can't. I'm always like, "Is that objective?" Argh, so annoying! Well, I just vnted to Bryan with Y :) about jazz. I'm really trying to forgive Alstadt it just bothers me SO much. He never asked, never consulted me, didn't even TELL me for heavens sakes! I don't know, forgiving is the right thing to do though, so that's what I will do. This weekends been pretty cool actually. I'm feeling a lot better, and all I did this weekend was read...three books. Good books I might add. I also watched Pretty woman last night. Aww...it was so cute, almost makes me want to become a prostitute and look for love...except, not. ”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-8 I love that...I do! It's so great, and so true. There was this other one I saw today...it's not exactly in the Bible, but I thought it was a GREAT quote nonetheless. "Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"-Dr. Suess! Again, so great and so true. Oh well, I really must go finish my conversation with Bryan with a Y, and then off to bed...ahh, sleep, I love you!! :) Ya di amore*"

"12,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, so avoiding homework right now and talking to Brandon. I'm really scared about this upcoming jazz competition. I know that we're not playing any songs that I really have to solo in, but still, there is Jumpin' at the Westside. I know I'm going to totally freak out...I just know it. Oh well. Anyway, I've been really sick for the past like...week. I'm getting sick of it..heh, sick of being sick. I first had a cold, then an ear infection...arg. Stupid sickness. Oh well...I'll come back and write more in a bit after I finish my paper. I'm determined to finish this thing. Ya di amore...*"

"12,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"RAR! OK, sorry, just love typing that! :) Well...just writing my music theory final...heh...last minute...rock on! Woo hoo! I had jazz today, I'm umm...doing better, I guess. When he pointed to me, I didn't like...bury my head and say, "no, no, no! You can't make me!" Oh well, s'all good. Umm, no finals today really. Lunch...went in at the end...then band (hardest final EVER) and then finally Comparative Religion...which, we didn't have a final in! yay! The rest of my day has been blah, so I'll write more later...maybe...if anything interesting happens. It wont though! :)"

"22,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"OK, so I decided not to go. I talked to Chris about all that was bothering me, and it REALLY helped. Seriously, I love that kid to pieces. He's one of the best people to talk to when you're upset and need someone to listen to you complain. I really didn't want to tell him at first, but...he made me, and I'm glad he did. It felt good to get it out.I cried for the first time in a long time...perhaps since my Grandma's funeral...which was one of the things I was upset about. I just...really miss her a lot. I think I need to cry more...or get upset more, because, it just...hurts so much when it comes in big spurts, and...I don't know. I really want someone to like me for me...actually, I want someone to like me in general. I don't know what's so wrong with me...I really don't. I mean, sure...I'm certainly not good looking,but I'm not worse than some, and I try not to be a bad person, so...I don't understand it. Arg...I just...try so hard, and it feels like no one appreciates it, at all. Oh well, I'll be good tomorrow morning, it's just good for me to write, and talk to people I trust about this sort of thing, and it's not like anyone actually reads this thing anyway...so, heh. Anyway, off to bed. Goodnight."

"19,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Once again...I'm upset about winter. Seriously, I keep telling myself to stop, because I'm being selfish, and I've got it better than like...99% of the population on this planet...and I'm complaining about a little dance, and it really is my own fault. I just should have asked someone. This is a real bummer. EVERYONE, and I do mean everyone has a date to this thing...RAR....must go...bye."

"19,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"RAR! I LOATHE 9-year-olds. Yeah, oh, so here's my crazy mixed-up story... I went to the park today, because I really needed to think about some stuff and be alone, and, it's the best place I know of to do that. Plus, it wasn't THAT cold. So, yeah, I went to the park with my music, and swung on the swing while listening to music. Kinda makes me feel carefree. Ah, I love it! Anyway, so, I'm sitting there, not bothering anyone, just minding my own friggin' business.and suddenly...WHAM!!! This big wet gob hits me in the back. I was like...what the..? So, I frantically look around, and I see a bunch of kids standing behind me making snowballs. So, I'm like...fine, they must have hit me on accident. What weieners! So, I shook it off and went back to listening to music when suddenly...WHAM! Right in the back of the head. Arg. So, I turn my music off, turn around and say, "What do you guys think you're doing?" They answer, "throwing snowballs at you." I say, "Why," and they say, "Because you're on our gangs territory." OK...so, this is getting a little annoying (they're still throwing snowballs at me during this) and I say, "What are you guys..like, 5?" And they're like, "No! We're 9!" So, I just turn my music back on and go back to listening, and they keep throwing snowballs at me, and when I tell them to stop, they say, "what, are you gonna call your mommy? Haha!" So, I put up with it for a bit longer, and then ask the, "gang leader" what his name is. Mark Gianopolis, or something like that, and I tell him I'm going to call his mother. This, for some reason did not scare him. Heck, if some older kid told me that when I was 9, I would have piddled my trousers and ran away! Whew, new paragraph, the other one was getting too long. Anyway, so....this kid actually CHALLENGES me about the mom thing. I would call his mom too if I thought that this Mark kid didn't get his terrible attitude and manner from her. Arg, I dislike most Naperville people's attitudes. Pooey. Well, anyway, finally, I just got so sick of their little, "gang" that I decided to scare them off. I told them that technically, this was assault and battery, and that I could call the cops, and have them deal with the situation. I told them it was a felony, and guess what?? They BELIEVED me! I was like...yes, small impressionable minds. So...they trudge off all confused, and I go back to my music, and thinking and whatnot, and they come back a few minutes later, and go, "We have something to tell you." So, I say, "What?" And they go, "We're sorry, we thought you were just another high school kid who was going to be mean to us, and take over our territory." I go, "Well, you do know this is public property?" And the little kid says, "No, my dad built the park! It's our territory!" And then he apologized again and left. Oh, and this is great...after a little while more, they yell to me, "you know, you can come on our territory now." Psh. As funny as it is, and as much as it made me laugh, it also made me incredibly sad. To think...little Naperville kids, doing this to people. They're like a mini-gang. No, they aren't going to seriously injure someone with a snowball, but still, jeez, what is this fricking world coming to?? I'm sick of it. Even in Naperville now, which I thought, even though it's a snob town, at least it's safe. Wow, that really does make me sad. Well, until then, my day was pretty ordinary. Except for the bananas on the lockers. Haha, it was SO great, SO funny. It made my day, and like...no one noticed at first glance, and then they realized...whoa...wait....bananas?? We did opur presentation in American Government, which was fun. I think we did a good job actually! was happy with it. Ummm....poor Scott, his Grandpa died. I really feel so bad for him. I know how that feels, and, it's a terrible feeling. I didn't want to bring up winter, even though I really needed to find out what was going on. I just felt so rotton for him. Poor Scott. :( Scott...here's a smiley for you! :) You're the coolest kid! Diane was there this morning, but, she wasn't there by 3rd hour chem, so, I think she may have left. I really hope she's feeling better. I feel like I may have jinxed her. The day before she got sick, we were talking about how she never really gets sick with a fever and stuff, and how she hasn't missed a day of high school yet, and...the next day. Wow...irony. It's amazing. Speech was kind of sad today. Ms. V was telling us about herself, and her personal life, and Will accidentally said something that he shouldn't have, and Ms. V seemed to get upset. Eek...it was a REALLY uncomfortable moment, REALLY uncomfortable. We got the newspapers today, and they had a retraction about the use of the term, "band dorks, but no retraction about Julia telling the incident. I think that's perfectly logical. If she really saw it, then she does have a right to tell it. I certainly don't think it was appropriate, or necessary, and...supposedly she did just do it to get back at band kids, although I can't prove that. I still think the article was good, and that, honestly, if she really did see what she says she saw, then we have no right to stop her from saying it. Oh crap! I was supposed to call Kathryn back...more later...yikes...."

"31,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Ok, tonight's entry is going to be pretty short. I'm really tired, and..I need a LOT of beauty sleep. Today was a pretty ordinary day anyway. We had late arrival though, which was cool. Mr. Alstadt wont be here for the next two days...oh darn! I was looking forward to music theory SO much too! Well, yeah, anyway. Nothing interesting happened until I got called down to Mrs. Plumbers...DUN DUN DUN! I didn't do anything, just a mix up, so it's all good now! :) Then, we had jazz, and I am going to kill Nathan. I wish he'd act more like a section leader, and Tom wont shut up. I think Steve ought to be section leader. He actually cares about sounding good. So...then i came home from jazz, had my lesson, and that was about it. I know this was completely boring, but people get mad if I don't write, then they yell at me, and...arg. So tedious. Oh well...I'm off to...errr, read, or something. then sleep. Also, my great uncle Al died a few days ago. He was the coolest guy ever. :) So, if you could all say a prayer for his wife, and really close family, I'd appreciate it. :) Thanks everyone, have a nice evening. XOXO"

"29,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I miss Heather. She was someone I could tell everything to. Wow do I miss her. :("

"28,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Well, my day today was better than yesterday. It started out better though. I can usually tell what kind of day I'll have from the morning. I got my schedule changed today, and I straightened things out with Kathryn, so...she understands why now, which is good. I really didn't want her to be upset with me. You ever feel like the whole world is against you, and hates you?? I hope not...it's not a great feeling. I feel like I have no real friends right now, no one that I can really turn to when times get rough, or when I'm upset. I miss Amanda, I miss Hillary, and I miss Kelly. I've just been so sad lately...and I'm not sure why. I guess I miss having a best friend, and...wow, I just really want a boyfriend. As pathetic as this all is, I do. I would think if I had a boyfriend, he'd be someone who listens to me, and...it's just not going to happen anytime soon. Yeah, I'm going to Winter now...but, now I realize it wasn't Winter that I wanted to go to...it was WHO I wanted to go with. I wanted to go with someone like I really liked...not a friend, and...it all just sucks right now. I kind of feel like crying, and...that's not me most of the time. Yeah...so, feeling a little better, sorry...I was having an EXB moment. OOO, bad moment to have...very bad! Listening to some Dave Matthews...again, which is fun, so...yeah. Anyway...I have to go, people are actually IM'ing me. Drat. Maybe I'll write more later. :I"

"27,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah...so, my day wasn't all that great. Thanks to Andrew sliding across the stinking floor this morning, I have a huge bruise on my back. Got my schedule...it's ok, but I'm going to try to switch lunch and health, since I got really light-headed and sick by the end of the day. Eek, it wasn't good. Band and music theory stayed the same, so my first two classes were a cinch. Sometimes in band, Dan, and Peter, and the rest of them really get to me. Today was sort of one of those days. I really hadn't had a good start of the day, and I just didn't want to put up with them criticizing everything. Yeah...so, I'm not Tito...give me a break! It's not even something I'm going to pursue later on in life, I'm just having fun now, except, it's difficult for me to have fun when I have all these jerks sitting beside me. Arg. Then...third hour Chem, which is a huge change for me, since I used to have it eighth hour. It's not too bad actually. Mr. Kordalewski (RAR! Stupid long named teachers!) seems pretty nice, and he's got the funniest accent. So, it's all good! I'm not a big fan of Chem though, soo...it kind of stinks, but Diane is in my class!!! I was so excited to see her! I was like...AHHHH DIANE! YAY! It was quite exciting. I sit in the back row corner...again, like last semester. What is it with me and back row corners?? Am I really THAT bad to look at? I suppose...but, oh well. Then lunch, which sucks...fourth hour...royally sucks!!! No one's in it, and the lunch is too early. I'm going to try to get it switched tomorrow. I hope I can. I had to sit next to Pez for the first part...which was ok, but...the kid doesn't know when to stop talking. Like...seriously, he's really nice and all, but...I don't know, I just wish he knew when to stop talking more. Then halfway through the lunch hour, I met up with Kelly and Kathryn!!! YES! Thank you God...if I can't switch it, I still have two of my best friends. So, we just walked around and talked, and...it was fun. I kind of miss seeing them sometimes. We all went to this really dumb movie Friday night...but, without Nikki, and I miss her too. I really miss being around with a lot of my friends. I see band people every day, but I get the feeling they aren't really my friends. They pick on me a lot, and at first I just assumed it was all fun and games, but now...I sometimes feel like they all really don't like me. So...it's nice to hang out with non-band kids. Nikki's cheerleading squad made Nationals, which of course...is awesome! People laugh at me because one of my best friends is a cheerleader, and I just laugh right back, because they're missing out on a truly wonderful person! I miss Carson too. I know I see her like...every day, and I talk to her, but I kind of miss the way things used to be. Malevalent Sisters!! Carson, Nikki, and me...it was so cool....I just really miss Junior High sometimes. I can remember when I was 8, and I was REFUSING to turn 9. I actually refused! I kind of wish those days were back sometimes. Scott and I had a long conversation about this the other day, and...he reminded me of what fun it was to be younger. How I didn't have to worry about drinking, and all the stuff I'm completely not into! I miss my little group of friends...we used to do EVERYTHING together...and now it's just all breaking apart. Joanne's going to England, Carson's already gone from the group (thank goodness I still keep in close contact with her) and Nikki goes to Benet. I just...miss the old days. Yeah, anyway....sorry....I just kept writing and writing, and I got off track. 5th hour, I had Speech, which was totally neat! I don't care what anyone says about her perkyness, I love Ms. V! Or as we call her...V-diddy! She's just so enthusiastic about teaching...like she actually wants to be there! She reminds me of Mr. Doman. I guess it's really easy to get a good grade in Ms. V's class, thank goodness, since I'm reallly nervous about giving speeches. Will is in my class :) I like him a lot. He's such a cool kid. He always wears this batman shirt that I love, and he's always really nice to me. He always seems kind of sad about something though...and it just, really reminds me of Kari's death. There's another person I miss a lot. Wow...I miss a lot of people right now....even Christy. Yeah...she did kiss Ryan...and yeah...I did dump his sorry butt, but...I still kind of miss her. She was just...so good to talk to. There's no one right now, that I really feel I could tell anything in the world to...like...just anything, and everything that's on my mind, and I wish there was. Just turned on some Dave Matthews Band...I hope it puts me in a better mood. Honestly...I know it wont, but...I have to try, right?? Wow, I haven't written this much...possibly ever, and I've just gotten a little more than halfway through my day. I don't know what's up with me. I just...am thinking of how I wish things were, and, how fast things are changing. I mean...I'm already 37.5% of my way through high scool. That's pretty depressing, especially since I have no idea what I want to do after High School. *Sigh* Well...yeah, back to speech, not much more to tell. I have a one minute speech to do tomorrow about myself. I think I'm going to talk about being albino. I hope it interests people. It's not something you hear talked about every day, soo...yeah. Yeah....health....eek...scary class. Yikes...not much more to say than that, except...I have Stevey in my class!!! AHHH! Yay! Steve Zimnie...if you've never met the kid, meet him. He's the coolest ever. He's really nice, and he's really really cute. :) His girlfriend's lucky. Haha...and, I realized how bad that may have sounded...no, I don't like Steve as more than a friend, he's just really cool, so he deserved mentioning. I don't mention people I like...or do I?? Hmmm.... Ummm...ok, what's next? Math...yes, wont go into great detail about that, except, it's kind of cool since Taylor's in my math class, which is excellent, because Taylor is definitely the coolest. She's such a sweet person. I wish I could be more like her sometimes. Then...American Gov.!! YAY! I have lots of people in my class...including Andre Cherry...haha...I kissed that kid when I was like...5. Ah...good times, good times. Kathryn's in my class, which is awesome, and so it Meredith, I don't care what ANYONE says about her, she's always really nice to me, and I think she's a cool person who has a lot to offer. Also...I have the coolest teacher, Mr. Albinak. He's such a great teacher. Kelly C. has him too, except...different period. And...yes, that was my day. It ended alright, but, I still am hoping to switch my lunch periods. I REALLY hope they let me. Anyway....I'm sick of typing, and I'm getting restless, so, I think I'll go read for a bit, and...maybe write more later. I'm actually writing down what I feel on here, which is kind of surprising. I don't usually actually write what I'm feeling. Oh yeah...I guess there were like 20-25 bands in our section on Saturday...so, either we really didn't do as bad as I thought, or...the other bands were atrocious. I haven't gotten to talk to Scott about Winter yet, and arrange things. I'm pretty sure we're going to Kathryn's to eat, then to the dance, and possibly Joanne's after, but...who knows? I think I'm going to go for a little while...I'm kind of sad right now... Oh well...I hope everyone has a lovely evening. :)"

"27,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Well...ok...the Bucs won. Yay?? I'm not usually a big football fan, which is shocking considering everyone in my family loves football...and I'm in marching band. Man am I a weird kid. Well...anyway, we have a small problem now, I may be going to Winter...finally, like I wated, but...now Kelly's kind of out in the cold. :( We're thinking maybe she could go with Neil or something, since we all know Neil, and it'd be fun. We don't want to leave her out of this. I kind of wish that I could invite Kristen and Alex, and Taylor and her boyfriend, but...I'm not sure if Kathryn and Joanne would be cool with that. I'm just really confused right now. I can't believe we have school tomorrow. :( It feels like we don't...maybe because of the Superbowl, but...I don't know. I should probably just stop writing before I write something I don't mean to, which would force me to actually start looking at things with a different perspective. I still can't believe we actually placed yesterday...but, I really want to know how many bands there were....it's probably like marching. We got 5th...but...out of 5 bands. Whoops. Hehe. Except...that was last year, because this year...we rocked the kazba...and, I have no clue why I just said that. Wow...Catie, you're a weirdo. And now I'm talking to myself too...ok, sleep would be good now...yes...definitely...sleep...now...Good night all! Hope you have sweet dreams!!! :)"

"26,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Evereryone else is watching the superbowl,.so there's nothing else to do. I've been thinking about stuff. I said I wanted to go to Winter and everything...but, now that I am, I'm not sure if I really want to. Like, yeah...I asked him, but...I'm just going with him as a friend. I want to go with someone as more than a friend, someone I really do like. I mean...I love him as a friend, and I've known him for so long, but...I just wish I were going with someone I like as more than a friend. :( Oh well, it's still really nice just to be going. I wish it weren't so cold out, I need to go for a walk err, a bike ride or something! And just...think. I love people, I really do, but...I need my alone time. It was like poor Emily on the Disney trip. I just need to be alone! I'm actually getting sort of excited about Winter now. I'm talking to Joanne and Kristen, and they're excited for me...so...I'm getting excited too. I think it will be fun, especially with a group of people I like spending time with! Anyway...more later, I'm actually having conversations with people NOT watching the Superbowl! YAY!"

"26,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow...I can't believe it. I almost wish I could have seen more class AA bands. JSO didn't win any awards...which, completely shocked me. I mean...they are awesome. In the words of Alex, "There must have been some seriously Godly bands if they beat JSO!" But oh well...considering JSO isn't my band, we'll talk about Jazz Band...which places 3rd...probably out of 3 bands, but still. :) It was nice to place, and have JSO not...considering they're like...saintly, and...well...we suck. My soli went ok, not too bad. I guess I still have to play louder, and I didn't mess up any of the notes, messed up the timing a bit at 110, but..other than that, it was actually pretty good...I thought. Well, anyway...I'm not quite sure what's going on with Andy and Diane, but....it seems like Diane is happy, so...if she's happy, then I'm happy too. That's really all I wanted to write for right now. Haha, that amuses me. Write for right. OK...anyway, must be off to...I don't know...do something fun since there's no homework!!!! YES! :) Anyway, I'll write more later maybe. :)"

"26,January,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Being sick bites, and I miss my friends. :("

"06,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow, what an emotional rollercoaster of a weekend. I had a great day Satuday! Kelly drove me home. It was amazing. I mean, I've known this girl since I was like...18 months! It's just so weird to be in the passenger seat and not have a parent there, so yeah, kathryn's house was super duper fun...I was surprised, like seriously. I had a GREAT time. I felt really bad though since I kind of went last minute, and I tried to call Diane's cell, but I kept getting a busy signal, and, arg, it was bad! But anyway...yeah, the night was great...until I got home. I had a long talk with Kelly C., and...I've just been a horrible friend to both Kelly and Emily for the past 6 months. I don't want to go into details, because the past is the past, and...I can't change it, but....I apologized and truly meant it. Then today, I talked to them both individually, and...I definitely got off too easy, but they forgave me! I seriously couldn't believe it. They forgave me within a matter of seconds. I was just so happy and shocked...and...relieved. I didn't lose two of my best friends. Phew! Yeah, I definitely did get off easy, they forgave me way too fast, but...no complaints here. It taught me a huge lesson though. I'm never ever taking my friends for granted again, and I'm definitely going to think of how a friend would feel, rather than how I feel about the situation, because I'm going to feel differently about things than other people are, and I'm going to be really layed back about something that could be really important to a friend, and I have to respect that. Phew...so, huge rollercoaster weekend that let me end up on the top! I'm feeling great right now, my only worry, would be that Kelly and Emily don't believe how sorry I really am, but...I think they do. :) I have such great friends. I'm really lucky. My day today was cool. Didn't do anything too special. Kath was gone during government though, so I was sad. We watched this really sad video in health. It was an Oprah show with Dr. Phil, and it had this girl on it who was raped when she was 13, and now she's bulemic, and she tried to kill herself, and it was just so depressing. Joanne and I sat in the back corner and joked for the first half, but...when the girl came on, we stopped. It was too sad. I wish Kelly sat near me. She's in my health class too. Like, I want Kelly to sit in front of me, and Joanne next to me, or vise versa, and it'd be a perfect world...well, for Health at least. I actually have friends in my classes this semester. Yeah, last semester I had music theory, but...not much else where I had friends. It's great! Yeah, anyway, I'm going to go...no homework to do, but, I'm still going to go. I think I may go read. Goodnight! XOXO Emily and Kelly...you're the coolest, and I'll never ever do anything to hurt you again. :) Thanks for forgiving me, you're awesome."

"03,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow, I just...can't even write right now...I feel so terrible. All I have to say is that I'm an idiot."

"02,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I couldn't sleep...I guess I get way too upset over stuff like this...but, I am REALLY upset. Supposedly Zach is in surgery, and Richa has internal bleeding...jeez. Why?? Supposedly there was also another accident in which a student died...it's all so depressing. I just want everyone to stay safe, and I really wish there was someone to talk to right now, but there isn't...everyone who would be online and who I could talk to is happily asleep. I seriously don't know whether to cry, or...what. I mean...I have cried...but, jeez, sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about people I don't know well. It wouldn't hurt as much if I only got upset over people I was really good friends with. It's just so unfair though. They're both so smart and nice...and....arg...just, why them??? Why the heck them....? I feel like I should tell the people I really care about how much I care about them, but...it's really hard for me to express my emotions like that. It makes me so sad though...so so so sad. I kind of wish I could go back to the days of elementary and junior high...at least people seemed safe there. No one ever got seriously hurt or died during either... There's also that feeling like...I want to help somehow, but there's really nothing I can do. I mean...I'll pray, but somehow I feel that I should do something other than pray, something physical...I don't know anymore...maybe I just need to go clear my head....I was going to write about my day, but it doesn't really matter right now. I just hope they're ok..."

"15,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Why is it that bad things happen to good people?? I wish the quote, "Good things happen to good people," was true, but it isn't always. Two really great people were in a car accident tonight, and they are in stable condition, but...still, it's terrible. They're upstanding people, and it shouldn't have happened to them. I hope they'll be ok, and I'll definitely be praying for them. They both contribute a lot to our school, and will continue to contribute a lot to the world when they leave High School. I guess I'm still trying to grasp onto the concept that bad things DO happen to good people...even if they're not just good people, but great people. It also makes me incredibly grateful to have the life I have...to have a great family, have money, have shelter, have food, have friends, have...life. I just wish that it didn't take things like Kari's death...or Richa and Zach's accident to slap me in the face and make me realize it. I always get mad at people when I think they're being selfish or thinking too much about themselves, when I, myself, am probably being selfish.. But, I guess...as a friend just told me, "It's times like these you have to have faith." I do. I mean, I say my prayers every night, but...a lot of times, I just say them to say them. I don't really think about who or what I'm praying for. I'll really think...and, I'll definitely be praying for Richa and Zach, and I hope other people can take the time to as well..."

"14,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow...I just found out that a company in Northern California really wants my mom to come work for them. I'm really upset. I know I'm getting worked up over almost nothing...I mean, she says they'd have to pay her a lot to go, and that it's not probable, but still...Calfornia??? It's so far away, and I'd miss my friends so so much, especially with only two years of HS left. I think I'm about to cry...I should go do homework to get my mind off of it."

"12,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I haven't written in a while..wow. I just haven't felt much like writing lately. Bleh. I had a pretty sad week. Zach passed away About five or six hours after the accident. It was so tough at school on Tuesday to see everyone so upset, especially my speech teacher. She was right behind the car when it happened, and she was just so upset. I've been praying for his family though. The good news though...is that Richa is home now! They released her from the hospital, and from what I hear, it'll be a long road to recovery, but I know if anyone, she will be able to.do it. Yesterday we had our second jazz competition. Thank God we weren't competing. We were sooo bad. Like, I was so ashamed, I didn't even want to talk to anyone after. I felt so rotton, and I wanted to cry, but...it's ok. These things happen. JSO did really well. I'm proud of them. They got first in their division, and they SHOULD HAVE gotten grand champions. They were awesomely awesome! The day other than playing went well though. In an effort to be more like Diane...hehe, I love her method of doing this. It's so great. Kelly definitely possitively won. She put up with me all day yesterday, and she understood when I was snippity after Jazz band played, Emily won just because she's Emily, Eric lost...eek, it drove me insane, couldn't get rid of him, Im sorry, but it drove me mad!!! Dave won, Peter actually won, he was a polite boy yesterday, Justin definitely won. He was really nice about us messing it up big time. Dan...probably lost if I would have talked to him. He always loses. Carson won, I'm sure Joanne, Kathryn, Kelly, and Nikki all would have won if I saw them. That stupid mean judge lost BIG TIME! HE WAS SO MEAN!!! RAR! Oh yeah...Chris and Jim won since they both went into a girls locker room. Haha. We found the weight room!!!!! Bryan won, he was nice...except for the whole shpeal at the end of the day, Mike Klos lost, and Diane definitely won because she's Diane, and diane doesn't lose. Also...I don't steal ideas like this from people who lose. Yeah, so...more about the girls bathroom, because it was just hilarious. Kelly and I...and...Eric *shudder* were all walking around with Chris and Jim. Well, they decided to go into the girls locker room and take a...yeah...and so they did. So, we're all running around in there, and we decide to leave, and they say, "Kelly and Catie walk out first and make sure there's no one there." Well, of course they didn't expect there to be, so they start coming out as soon as Kelly and I got out. Well...we didn't get a chance to let them know that THERE WAS SOMEONE! This chick was walking down the stairs headed for the locker room. Kelly and I tried to hold the door shut, but we couldn't say anything since we were laughing too hard. So they walk out, and this girl sees them, and just gives the WEIRDEST look! It was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time! It completely made my day! Also, in their weight room, they have this like..conveyer belt type thing with rocks on it so you can rock climb. It's the coolest. They have a cooler school. We got yelled at too, by this guy. Kelly and I were humming the Mission Impossible theme, and it gave us away, and this guy comes out, and he was really polite about it actually...he just said we need to leave, and couldn't be in that part of the building anymore. We saw him again later while playing football in the hall. He gave us weird lookis. Whoops...Oh well, not like I've never seen a weird look before. I sat next to Bryan, and Scott, and Musto on the way home since Kelly listened to music and slept. It was cool...for the most part...we wont talk about the uncool part with the, "what's your prefference of color?" But yeah, all in all, it was a pretty fun day. I got to spend tons of time with Kelly which is awesome, and JSO did so well. YAY! Today...I've done nothing but read, and that's what I shall continue to do. Until next time...don't eat yellow snow. *Muah* :)"

"23,February,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I've been writing less frequently. Like...I look at it, and I think I should really write, because once I start writing, a lot of times, I just keep going and it makes me feel better. My week was pretty good. I don't remember much. I got a 100% on my chem test. Yay?? Diane did too! I think we were the only ones in the class, so, I'm proud. I'm worried about Diane though. I mean...I am and I'm not. I know she'll get through it. She has a mom like my mom who's really there for her, and friends who care about her A TON! I really want to be there for her, but it's hard. I've never ever been through a situation like what she's going through. Usuaully, when I talk to people I can relate, which helps a lot, but this time, I can't. I almost think she needs to be left alone to just...think, and clear her head. I know things will end up well for her though, because she really deserves it. I know it's terrible to think,. but with the the whole Andy and Elizabeth situation...it almost makes me sort of happy. I almost feel like he deserved it, but...I know these things happen, and I haven't heard any of his side of the story, so I really have no room to talk. I just feel bad for Diane. I went to pep band with her Friday night though. I didn't know until I got there that it was the last game, and that there was a party after, so I felt really guilty for going. It was ok, and it ended up being kind of fun. I'm still glad I didn't really get into pep band though. I didn't get to see Kelly...like...at all. I did get to see Emily though, which was great. I really just wanted to go to be there for Diane, but Christine was there, and she was cool. I had never really gotten to know her. She's actually an awesome person. I had no idea, since I didn't know her well. So, a couple good things came from going to pep band. Anyway, I went to Kathryn's house for a little bit on Thursday night. I got there too early though and sat in her living room with her mom and brother watching, "Driving Miss Daisy." I guess I've been friends with Kathryn so long that it wasn't awkward being with her mom and brother. I walked in there kind of worried, thinking it was going to be realllly uncomfortable, and terrible, but it was fine. I was actually pretty comfortable being with Kath's family. I didn't end up going to the Young Life Lock-In. I didn't think it was worth the money, and...I've neer been to Young Life. I'd feel like I was taking advantage of it. I hope Joanne and John had fun anyway. I'm sure they did. They always have fun when they're together. Other than that, this weekend I've basically been sitting around and reading and whatnot. I heard drumshow practicing Friday. They're really good. I'm definitely going to go see it with Kathryn and Kelly and Joanne and John, and hopefully Nikki. I haven't seen Nikki in sooo long. I really really miss her. I miss Carson too. She's so fun to talk to, and without having chemisry with her...it's just, oi. She doesn't make my day happy anymore. It's sad, I miss her. *Sigh* Oh well. I try to see her after school at her locker when I can. Anyway, I should be off. I still have to memorize the rest of my poem for my speech tomorrow. Yikes....speeches scare me. Anyway....sweet dreams all. Oh yeah...and interesting fact of the day is....*Drum roll* Twinkies are actually only good for about 30 days because of the bread. Amazing huh? *Muah* XOCatieXO"

"02,March,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"i can't stop typing in this thing. I don't know why. My fingers wont stop. It's like they each have little individual minds of their own, except...I only type with two fingers. My two index fingers. I type pretty darn fast for that though. Lalalalalalala. Seriously, it is good to laugh a lot. Typing constantly is sort of keeping my mind off of truly thinking of the audition, and considering it all. Hmmm. I'm talking with Brett, and Matthew. It's fun. I enjoy talking to both of them. I'm trying not to bring up the A audition though... You know, I think I'd rather be known as prude and not be able to get guys, then a slut who can get guys. If I'm going to get herpes, I want to get it from someone I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Haha, sorry. I was just having a conversation about that with someone. And I'm gone again..."

"12,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Sorry I sounded petty, and dumb and selfish. I said haha a lot in that. Wow, it's good to laugh more. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha. No seriously, am I always this loony?"

"12,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Still checking the band website every fifteen minutes... Katharine brought up a good point. There isn't anything I can do about it now. Time is going by so slowly. So very slowly.... 1, 2, 3, 4...5 seconds. Wow, and no one's around to talk to. I'm going crazy though. I don't like for people to see me like this. It's bad, very bad. I'm listening to some jazz, which is always cool. Yeah jazz. Music....music auditions...is it me, or does everything I think of remind me of that audition? No one's online, and...argh. I don't even know if I'd want people to be online. I'm freaking out so much that...wow, I don't know. What do I do? Ahhhh...how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuch wood? Yeah...uh huh. Woodchuck are amusing animals. And...yeah, I'm a loser with no life, so I'm sitting here typing anything that comes to my mind. My parents aren't home, so they can't drive me anywhere, and I can't drive yet, so...heh. I'm stuck. I was gonna do something with Jim, but...couldn't get a hold of the parents, so, so much for that plan. I need to read. Reading helps me escape from everything, and I need my blanket, and milk, and cookies, and I need to be a little kid tonight. That's what I need. No cleaning for me, as much as I need to clean my room, I'm not going to. I need to be a kid tonight, and forget all this audition stuff. Mmmm....cookies. I love cookies so much. Maybe I should do my informative speech in speech class on cookies, except..maybe I'll do it on albinism. I don't know. Probably albinism. Maybe I'll do my persuasive speech on why everyone needs cookies and milk sometimes. :) I'm really just rambling, but...it's actually fun in a weird sick twisted way. Except, not really sick and twisted, just weird. Wow...I need a life I think. I'm having way too much fun typing in this thing. Haha, I'm listening to Count Bubba. Such a great song. I absolutely love the soli section in it. I think I decided, except, I don't want to say what I decided, because...yeah, because I don't want anyone to know. No one reads this thing anymor, but just in case. There I go with puting up the walls again. I need to trust people more. Possibly this isn't the place though. Here, I'm trusting everyone who could potentially read this. Eeks. That's a really scary thought. I wish....I really do wish. That would be so cool. I'm probably thoroughly confusing everyone by now. Sorry. That would be the coolest thing in the world. Hmmm, this is reminding me of this e-mail Erica sent me a few days ago with happy thoughts in it. Haha. It was a most excellent e-mail, I was in a really bad mood, and it helped cheer me up. One of them was having a boyfriend and wearing his sweatshirt and having it smell soooo good. Mmmm. Haha. I love guys who smell good. I really don't even know what I'm typing about anymore, but I can't stop. It's addicting. Haha. I really need to find myself a boyfriend. Yes, I've decided, I must, but it's difficult when NO ONE LIKES YOU. haha. I don't think I belong in High School that much. I still like people, and love my friends, but sometimes I don't feel like I truly belong. I feel loved though. :) My friends are all so great! They make me happy. I have to be normal at lunh this week with kelly and emily though, since kelly's exchange student is coming. Sigh. I really loathe wanting a boyfriend. It makes me feel like one of those valley girls who wear make-up and do their hair all the time. I know that's not true, and I know people who want boyfriends aren't all like that, haha, that's just how I feel. I give up, again. OK, now I actually have a few people to talk to, so, I think I'll stop typing....now."

"12,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow, my audition sucked. I felt so darn good about it at first! When I first walked out the door, I felt kind of good (except for the fact that I was shaking like no other) and then Mr. Rogers told me I did well, and so did my parents. I hope they weren't lying. I don't know why, I just have this sinking feeling that I didn't make Wind Ensemble. I feel like I need to for some reason, like there's no way I could feel good in any other band. Even though Peter/Dan/Don/Dave/Matt all make fun of me, I stil can't imagine myself in another band. I heard Dan did really well on his audition. I know it's a terrible thought, but...that makes me so mad. It's terrible, but I wanted him to fail, and do horribly. Jeez. I really wish he had. I guess that makes me a bad person, or does it? I mean, everyone in some small way hopes their competition does badly. Wow, that's not helping, I'm still feeling guilty. I'm so worried about this audition. It's all I think about! Seriously. I can't think of anything else. It's horrible. I need to start thinking of something else. I wish I could have gone to variety show with Jim, but my parents got home too late. It would have been good to get it off my mind. Plus, everyone is so busy with their German exchange students. I'm excited to meet them though. Haha, we'll have four of them in band Monday morning. There's another thing that reminds me of making Wind Ensemble again. If I don't make Wind Ensemble again, it'll seem incredibly weird sitting next to everyone who has for the rest of this year. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN THIS AUDITION!!!! Why didn't I break my leg and end up in the hospital last night? I could have made a tape..and it all would have been good. Maybe.I would have made WE. Wow, I do. I really have this sinking feeling that I didn't make it. I want this weekend to be over. I want to find out either way. I HAVE TO KNOW either way. I'll probably be devastated if I didn't make it, but hey. Why does this mean so much to me? It's not even what I'm going to do when I, "grow up." I'm a loser. OK, I'm going to type about something NOT RELATED TO THIS STUPID AUDITION!!! I promise I wont mention it. Sorry...anyway, yeah. I went to Nikki's birthday party last night, and it was...interesting. It was fun, and I met a lot of new people, but...everyone from Benet was so......perky. They were nice, just...perky. Usually it'd be ok, but...I had a headache, and I was flipping out about...ahhh! I promised I wouldn't talk about it, so yeah. I came home and went right to bed pretty much. I was tired. I can't get my mind of this thing no matter what I do. I tried checking the website to see if they posted it or anything, but...they didn't. I feel like I'm going to cry, and I don't know why. I think it's the sinking feeling. Like, the feeling that if I don't make Wind Ensemble, I'll dissapear into an abyss of nothingness, and probably be incredibly sad. The feeling that I'll be a failure at the one thing people say I'm pretty good at. I'm really scared. Really scared, and I don't like it. The fear that I'll dissapoint my parents, and bonny, and...myself. I will be so incredibly dissapointed in myself if I don't do well on this audition. I already am dissapointed in myself for not working on it more. Oh jeez...I'm starting to cry. This is terrible. On a completely different note...Heh, I realized the other day how few people I truly trust. It takes me a long long time to trust people. I don't know. I feel kind of guilty because people tell me so much. I think I should tell them stuff too, but...I can't bring myself to do that. It's like I can't be open and honest, like it's not possible for me except in a few cases. Like I have these big metal bars in front of me that I can't get past, like I'm a prisoner in a cage that I could easily escape from. I've tried to be more trustworthy, but...it's impossible. Why the heck am I so depressed right now?? I hate it!!! I hate being the snobby Naperville kid who's depressed over nothing, who's got good food, shelter, friends, and a family that's awesome. What do I have to be depressed over? Absolutely nothing. Wow, I dislike being pessimistic so much. I wish I could just stop, but I tried and I can't. I'm really on a role at this failing stuff thing. Heh, I wonder if I failed the A audition too. I think I'll stop typing now before I upset myself anymore. Yeah, you know who it is, I'm not gonna sign it."

"12,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Things I like....:-) ~Sharp objects ~Pointy objects ~Shiny objects ~Ducks ~Penguins ~Oxymorons ~People that smell good ~My hair ~People whos names begin with the letter Z or Q. ~Permanent markers ~My nailpolish ~Metranomes ~Jazz ~taly ~People who call me special ~Beating Dan at trumpet ~Beating Dan at trumpet for a second year in a row... ~Valve oil ~My bed ~Hoodies ~Being a generally dysfunctional member of ~society ~You! Haha. It made me happy. I think I'm going to make a list of things I don't like too but, I'll save that for my next really bad mood. I'm in a good mood now. The weather is actually semi-decent, and...hmmm, yeah! Oh well, I'm outta here for now. Peace. (I've always wanted to say that.) XOXO :)"

"19,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Reason number eleven to go out with a guy Romantic!! Thanks Erica :) You rock."

"18,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Top Ten Reasons to Go Out With a Guy (These aren't in any real order.) Intelligence Humor Kindness Good Morals Smells good :) Haha, had to be here. Good conversationalist. Fun to be around Being Hot. (Yeah, it's shallow, and it's not a necessity but, it is a plus.) Sensitivity. Yeah right, like this one's ever going to happen. Trustworthy. Oh yeah! Just had a conversation with someone about this. Yeah, that'd be the perfect guy. Most definitely. Too bad none exist, or if they do, I'm just not noticing. Anyway, my day was most excellent. I went to woodfield with my mom and shopped. Ah, it was so much fun. Hmmm, I think more people than I realize read this thing, so now I'm scared. I just put it on my profile for fun, except, now people know. They KNOW. Ahhh. Anyway, yeah. Why do potentially good girlfriends pick terrible boyfriends, and vise versa? I've never understood it. Oy's so dumb. Almost as dumb as me but not quite. So, I really have nothing to write, so...I think I'll stop now. Yep...stopping right.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................now."

"16,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, ummm, things are good. I made it. 5th chair, before Dan, haha, yes! I walked into band behind Dan, while Peter's saying, "She beat you." Hahaha, the look on his face was the funniest thing I've EVER seen. It was so great. But yeah, I made it, and I'm happy about it, but...I'm still in a crappy mood. I want to go back to my old crazy self. I want to stop...being other people. I was having a conversation about this with a certain somone the other day, and he said he was doing that. Like...I take bits of other people's personality and make them me...It's so dumb. I need to be myself. I need to be crazy. I need to be fun. I need to not be shy. I need to be fun. I also need to be more trustworthy...but, that's a long way off. Maybe I am me. I'm really not sure. All I know is that I'm so incredibly confused about everything right now. I don't even feel like I care about the "A" audition. That's pathetic, I spent so much time worrying about it. I just feel like I care about nothing right now. I hate feeling that way. Man, I'm just...not supposed to feel this way. I'm supposed to feel happy. Nothing's gone wrong, there's really nothing to complain about. I just...feel sad I guess. Oh well, life goes on. I'm probably just having a bad day. Probably because it's cold out again. Argh, anyway, I'm off to go shopping with my mom at Oakbrook. Wow, I'm not even that excited about that. This is terrible. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have fun anyway. I'll probably write more later. This is a writing kind of day... XOXO"

"16,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Today was a day. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"16,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Well, I'm really still not feeling bad for what I said. Jim mentioned it to me and thought I was talking about Dave K. Today. I was like, no no no no no! Haha. I actually thought Dave K. was mad at me today. It was weird... Anyway, school was ok. Still didn't technically find out, but Mr. A. said I'm ok, and not to worry, so...I wont. Jazz was actually ok today, I was playing..and not THAT softly either! :) So, there's really not much to know about my day since it was boring and stuff. I don't really feel like typing now actually. Nor later perhaps? You know who it is, and if you don't, you're just not cool... XOXO"

"15,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Ahhhh! OK, I feel much better, because I just talked to my mom for about an hour. It's good to talk to your mommy once in a while. Anyway, I'm still mad at Dave tyhough. I just can't believe what a...jerk he's been lately. At lunch today, chris, and him, and I were all standing around talking about A auditions and stuff, and Dave goes, "Yeah, I know who's going to make it into Wind Ensemble, but I don't want to say, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." So then chris says, "Well, will I make it?" And Dave goes, "Yeah." HELLO?!?! Could we be anymore obvious? I thought he was supposed to be smart. Man, I just couldn't believe it. It's probably the jerkyest of jerky things people said to me today, and people said some pretty jerky things. RAR! I'm probably just touchy because I'm so scared for the results, but really...he crossed the line there. I hope I get into Wind Ensemble just to spite him. OK, sorry. Anyway, they DIDN'T POST RESULTS TODAY! Argh. Could they be anymore cruel. This is just mean! I'm dieing here! OK, not really, but it's still mean. All I want is to find out, for better for worse. Argh, no one else, not even Dan, was as big of a jerk to me as Dave was. I thought he was so nice, and I started getting to know him better this year. Heh, I don't think I want to anymore. Seriously, I'm just all touchy because I want to know. I'll probably feel terrible for writing this after I find out, and he's right. I think he is right, and that's what bothers me so much. Heh, I took this quiz about what alcoholic personality I am and I was a, "Sex on the Beach." Hah, it's kind of ironic when I think about it. A: I don't drink ever, and never will, and B: I'm remaining abstinent. It said something about me being promiscuous. Haha, ok, so it didn't actually say, "promiscuous," but that's the impression I got. Plus, I love that word. Promiscuous...haha. So great. Wow, I was totally completely flipping out today, it was bad. I could hardly pay attention in any of my classes, and I couldn't pay attention with Kelly and Emily during lunch. Heh, ohhh wellll. I'll be better tomorrow. Probably a lot sadder, but at least less psycho. I really wish I could talk to Heather about something right now. I miss having her there to talk to. I've for sure...well, no, I haven't. Argh, such a hard situation. I think it may just be because of recent circumstances. Haha, I have two new sayings now, "oh, fiddlesticks," and"Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!" Haha, I love saying those for some reason. Ah...beautiful! Yeah, so I really have nothing else to type, except..oh, we listened to our CD of the last concert. It was actually, not bad! I was shocked! Completely blown away. everyone kept complimenting us, and I was like, "Nah, we really aren't that good at all." I heard us today, and we aren't bad! YaY! OK, I think it's definitely time for bed. I'm getting into the "Highlands" stage. Thanks Brett. That's such a great term. Anyway, sleeeepy time for Catie. :) Hopefully, if I can sleep...without freaking out about results!!! You know who it is, why bother sign it? :) XOXO"

"14,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"YES! I made Wind Ensemble, and I'm so happy...except, not really. I wish. They didn't have the results posted today! Argh. I'm so mad. They said, "We'll post them on Monday" and then today they say, "well, we're not quite done, we'll put them up tomorrow." Argh. Oh well, anyway. I must be off, just wanted to type about how frustrated I am that the results aren't out yet. :("

"13,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Brilliant, absolutely brilliant! Haha, I don't even know. I just had this huge urge to say that! Anyway, today's been better with thinking about the audition and stuff. I haven't thought about it as much, but yeah...dun dun dun. Results come out tomorrow, but in the afternoon!!! Grrrrrrrrrr, that's so pooey. I just want to know for better, for worse. Oh well, sucks to be me...except, not really. I like being me :)"

"13,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow, I was insane last night, and do you want to know why??? No, you already know why. I mentioned it 50 billion times last night. Ahhh...can't Monday come sooner??? PLEASE! Time is dragging by, and it's the weekend. Time on the weekend isn't supposed to drag by! Well, I left for a while before finishing this to go read. I'm reading this book called Tangerine. I've read it like two times before, but, for some reason...I really like it. I don't know. Anyway, there's nothing much else to write now. I don't think I'll end up doing anything today. My mom's leaving in a few hours for a business trip, so...yeah. Anyway, I think I'll go read more."

"13,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Hm, haven't written in a while. Well, jazz cafe was last night. It was most excellent. I was really very surprised.. I wasn't expecting to have fun at all. I didn't even want to go. I danced all through JSO playing. It was super fun. Heh, anyway, I really have nothing more to say. I think I'm gonna go actually. I'll prolly write more later. G'night you princes and princesses. :)"

"25,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Wow, I am in such a better mood. I just talked to Christopher for like...2 hours. Man, I love that kid haha. He put me in the best mood. He's like my brother. It rocks like no other! :) Goodnight you princes and princesses! XOXO"

"22,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I just noticed...my entries have been getting more frequently sad. Because I've been more sad, or because I've actually been being honest with myself for once and admitting I'm upset?"

"21,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"We go on...through the joy and through the tears. We go on...to discover new frontiers..... I miss Disney Word so so much :( I bet I'd be happy if I were there right now."

"21,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"You know what's pathetic?? The only thing I'm happy about right now is the fact that my dad made me dinner. It was so nice of him, and I just...I don't know, I can't handle ANYTHING right now. I really can't. I'm going to crack at someone...probably the next person to crack a joke about me or tease me. I'm SO FRICKING SICK OF IT. Yeah, it's funny sometimes, but today...it really got to me. Sometimes it really bothers me. I hate having people hate me for no reason when I've done nothing to them. What the heck did I do to him that's so terrible? Does he hate me because he's better at trumpet than me, because I suck at trumpet? Heh, probably. Gosh, why are some people such jerks too? "Yeah, he doesn't like you." I don't mean like like as a girlfriend, but just like as a person. That really really ticks me off. He has NO RIGHT to hate me. None. I've said maybe four true words to him in the time I've known him. Four words that actually mean something. Four words that aren't me joking around with him. Why do people tell you that other people don't like you? What business is it of theirs? NONE! That's right...NONE! Absolutely possitively zip, zero, negative, nada, whatever! Just...none!! ARGH! I don't even know why I care so much, I barely know the kid, but, I guess it just bothers me that someone can dislike me when they don't know me at all. No one knows me though. There's no one like me....I wish I had a clone. I know I could tell everything to it, and have it not tell anyone. I'm listening to Reflections of Earth. It was our show for marching band my freshman year. It makes me incredibly sad every time I hear it. It makes me want to cry, but...heh, a lot's been doing that today. What's scary though, is I know I'm actually upset and not just PMS'ing. I wish I were PMS'ing. It would explain a lot, but....no. I'm just plain mad, and I don't think there's anything anyone can do about it. Man, this bites so bad. I don't like people right now. Not even myself. Maybe my mommy and daddy. I like my mom and dad. I do like everyone, I'm just annoyed, and frustrated, and angry, and so many other things right now. I miss Disney world. I don't like when people call me Norkus, I don't like when people poke fun at me all the time. Maybe that's why I don't trust anyone. Maybe that's why I feel like I can't tell anyone anything. Heh, I don't like not being able to tell anyone anything. I don't like waking up and realize the first class I have, I have to sit between two people who I don't particularily care for. I don't like that that person hates me. I don't like a lot of things. This isn't anger toward anyone in particular, well...a few people, but only Nathan, and the person who hates me. But, that's it. Man, abyss of nothingness, here I come. I'm out."

"21,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Off to bed! Haha, I finally finished my homework! YES! Sleepytime again for me! YaY! I just wish there wasn't school tomorrow. :( Goodnight you princes and princesses! :) I love the world! XOXO"

"21,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, it's kinda like that... But not really. :) Haha, sorry. I really had no purpose for writing that. I'm just sort of avoiding doing this government crossword puzzle. Man, it's taking for fricking ever!!! Holy cow. It's not even funny. This thing is impossible, and it's worth more than the test. Heh. YaY government? RAR! OK, anyway, I think my weekend on average was pretty decent. I really didn't do all that much. Just kinda hung out. I cleaned my room though!! Like...really cleaned, I washed my floor (since it's hardwood) and cleaned all my furniture and everything! It's amazing. Except, it's all weird, because everything's all neat, and everything's where it's supposed to be. It's confuzzling. Ah, I love making up words. So much fun. It turns out I didn't have a gig according to Brandon. He better be right, haha. Yeah, so, umm, I think I was supposed to do something with Kathryn today, but...I ended up going to lunch and stuff. Oopsies. I hope she isn't too mad. I talked to her on the phone for a while, and she seemed ok, but...kinda mad since she knows about Joanne, Diane, and me going out to lunch. Eeks. Oh well, we'll do something this upcoming weekend. Haha. Coffee smells good. Matthew and I are talking about coffee. I think I'm the only person who doesn't actually like the taste of it. I like the smell though, so good enough. Can you tell I'm rambling? I know I can. I'm procrastinating like no other. Oh well...back to the drudgeries of doing homework. :( XOXO"

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I think I upset Diane. I asked her a lot of questions about being vegetarian today. I didn't mean for them to upset her. I've just never known anyone who is vegetarian so, I sort of wanted to know about it. I was just curious, that's all. I hope I didn't upset her. I hope she's jjust having a cranky day or something. Haha, no..I don't hope she's having a cranky day. I hope she's having a great day, but...she seems to be kind of upset. I just hope it wasn't me."

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Sometimes I really wish people didn't read this, and other times, I do. People actually hear..or see what I have to say with this thing, but...that's not necessarily a good thing. Hmmm, I'm talking with Andrew. Haha, he thinks I'm a creepy kid. This is funny. Anyway, umm, I think I might have a jazz gig, but I have no clue.Eeks. Oh well, they can't blame me when I knew nothing about it! AHHH! So, I went out to lunch with Diane and Joanne today. It was a lot of fun. I felt kind of bad though, because Diane and I were talking about all this marching stuff, and Joanne doesn't know about it and stuff. Every time I'm with band people I do that, and I really don't mean to, because I feel like I'm making people feel so left out when I do that. It was fun though, reminiscing. I kind of miss freshman year, but 'eh. Not that much. I like sophomore year too. It's cool. Hehe, anyway. Must be off. Heh, seriously, if I hadn't gone crazy years ago, I probably would now... XOXO"

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Mmm...Sleepy time! I'm off to dream-land. I'll be dreaming...hopefully about you. :)"

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"OK, so it wasn't the title that was making the page long horizontally. 'Eh, I don't know. I can't be bothered to mess with it."

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I changed the title simply because it was making the page toooo long horizontally."

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Haha, you know...I was thinking, my diary thing-a-ma-bobber title is really not fitting. My life isn't really crazy, or mixed-up, or...oh, wait! It is boring! Haha, ok, I'll keep the title. Anyway, hm...I'm just thinking while cleaning my room. Why am I cleaning at this hour you ask? Well...honestly, I don't know. Probably because I'm going to lunch with Joanne and Diane tomorrow and I can't go unless my room is clean. Yeah...that's why. So, anyway...I was thinking...I feel really bad for not telling people much. I want to tell them, but is there anything to tell? What can I tell when there is nothing? Or is there? Is there stuff that I'm just avoiding calling stuff because I can't handle telling other people? I think the latter of the two is probably correct. I don't know...People keep telling me, "Yeah, you're always there for me, but what can I do for you??" I mean...that's so cool that people think I'm really there for them, and that I'm trustworthy, but, they begin to wonder after a while when they're doing all the talkng, and I'm doing all the listening. I wonder what is acceptable for me to tell people? I mean, is there a trusting people 12 step program? Wow, that'd be so cool. I really need that. I don't know. I try and try. I can almost bring myself to, but I just can't quite. I trusted Bryan with one of the most significant secrets ever a few weeks ago, but it was an, "after the fact" kind of secret. I told him who I liked before, but that was only after I liked the person, and that was reallllly really hard to tell. I can't even tell people who I USED to like, heaven forbid who I like now. Man, I don't know. Haha. That's the title of the little newsletter that a bunch of guys made up at school. It's actually pretty funny. I really honestly wonder what I can do to trust people more. I mean...I really do want to, but I fear so much that they will tell that I can't. I think I'll probably explode one day into a million trillion pieces. Haha. Alexander, Michelle, Brandon, and I have been doing this little chat room things lately. It's really quite funny. It's like one of the only things that made me happy today. I don't know why I just typed that. I didn't have an unhappy day, but, I obviously typed it for a reason, so...I'm leaving it. Teehee. I should really go back to cleanng. I don't want to be up until 3:00...again. Haha. I have to wake up at a reasonable hour too. Eeks. I'm listening to Sing Sang Sung right now. Wow, such a great song seriously. It makes me happy. Fer serious. Teehee. That's really fun to say/type. Oh well, I'm gonna go back to cleaning/listening to some sweet jazz. I still gotta hear the Love in the Tub or something like that song. Brandon and Alexander get a real kick out of it. Alexander found this sweet jazz music the other day. It's German. Ah, Germans. Tim...haha, he be cool. Anyway, I'm in a much better mood after writing! :) Over and out! If ya don't know who it is then you shouldn't be reading this anyway :) XOXO"

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"You know, I was just thinking, Harry Potter needs an invisibility cloak to get around Hogwarts at night, but, even though I have white hair, I'm still invisible to most. Most of the time I feel like second best, or third. With the exceptions of a few people, like Kelly and Emily for example. Yeah, they're best friends, but they ALWAYS make me feel like I'm just as important to both of them as they are to each other. But, then there's some people who seem to always make me feel like I'm not good enough. Like, "oh, I guess we'll call you after we make sure everyone else isn't busy." Argh. It's just not cool. I try to ignore it, but it's difficult. Oh well..just...a though. XOXO"

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"RAR! Cleaning is pooey!"

"20,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I didn't think I'd be this upset over my brother leaving. :( I'm really upset about it. He just left, and...I don't know. I'm going to miss him a lot. It just makes me sad to think how little time I really have left to spend with my family. I'll be going off to college in two years, and then start my own life, and my own family from there on. I'm one of very few people who actually enjoys spending time with my family. I really get along with them. They get me away from the shallow selfishness of High School. They have actual intelligent conversation. I'm just...sad :("

"03,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Hm, ok, so, there really isn't anything else to do. So, I decided, I'd just keep typing until either my mommy calls or gets home. I'm going out to dinner with my family tonight. It's my brother's last night here before he goes to Australia tomorrow. I think I'm actually going to miss him a lot. He's there for me a lot, and I can actually talk to him. It's kind of surprising. :( Oh well, at least I'll have my bathroom to myself, but that's not enough. I'd rather have my brother here I think. I don't know, I've just gotten so much closer to him in the last few months and stuff. Anyway, back to non-depressing stuff. Oh wait, my day was sad. Haha, not totally actually, just my speech. It was so bad. I'm never practicing for a speech again. It messed me up. That, and bringing my whole outline up there with me. Oh well, I don't think I really wanna talk about it/write any more about it. Too painful to think of. I wore a skirt. I like skirts, but I don't. It's weird. Anyway, my mom just called. She's on her way home from the airport, YaY! I'm off to....I don't know, get a life. Byebye!"

"02,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Still can't get to it. the servers are too busy. I can sign in and stuff, but I can't put an entry in. Poo."

"30,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Oh my gosh. Professor Semanic can eat flamingo poo! ARGH! I DID let him know I wasn't going to be there for jazz cafe with an e-mail, and he wasn't able to do it anyway! What the heck is that mans problem? He has a huge one. RAR! Sorry, just a little angry. I don't think he's fair or justified, and he's yelling at us for not having consistency in rehearsals and...heh, guess what? HE CANCELLED FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS! Wow that man makes me mad, but...yeah, oh well. I can't write in my real diary because I can't get to it. My real diary is online, but...it's locked and whatnot...so, yeah. I can't get to it, that makes me mad too. :( Oh well, I think I'll go try again."

"29,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Oh yeah, that gig last night, did NOT do wonders for my self esteem. It loweered it. Stupid gig, we did horribly. RAR! Anyway, the gig tonight went well and all. It was kinda fun. Kelly drove me, and on the way home we stopped at McDonald's. It was so cool! So, we got some chow, and then rode home listening to the soundtrack to Now and Then. We sang really loudly and I danced. It was soooo fun!! I love Kelly S. I love Kelly C too! Kellys just rock my world basically! Anyway, I swear, I really will stop writing in here. Maybe?"

"29,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, so, today was pretty ordinary. Hmmm, I don't even remember half of what I did today. I was so out of it. Haha, i wore my black hoodie with the hood up, and nobody could recognize me at first because they usually go by the hair. I also looked pretty stoned. Like, five people this morning told me I looked stoned. It was funny. Oh, the juniors might have to take the ACT all over again. Man, that'd suck so much. Supposedly four ACT answer booklets were stolen. they had an assembly about it and everything. It's all pretty messed up. Man, I hate group work so much in math. It's the most messed up thing in the world. GRRRR! I completely lucked out on my government packet today. I don't really wanna explain how, but...I felt I needed to thank someone for letting me get 33/35 when I did the packet after the tes right before we graded it in ten minutes. Too much to explain, but it was excellent. Anyway, I think I'm sick of typing in this public area again, so...I think I'm going for the whole private diary again. I still type in there, but i also type in here. I think maybe I'll just type in there from now on, because two entries is too much for a lazy person like me."

"28,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"OK, so, I'm indecisive. I decided that I wouldn't stop writing in here, well...for now. I just decided to write in here today instead of my actual journal. Who knows why? My mind works in mysterious ways. Anyway, school was ok today, nothing too special. I saw a lot of my friends, and had a good talk with Emily over lunch. I think Dave saw that one entry in here, because he's been a lot nicer to me in the past couple days, or at least since Jazz Cafe. Maybe he's just gone back to his old self. I really hope so. I missed the old Dave. He was so different from most guys. RAR, guys are pooey. But, yeah, anyway, I didn't do much this past weekend. The only real thing I did was hang out with Chris, jim, and Alex. It was actually a lot of fun. Haha, Alex's mom fed us dinner. It was really good. Then we went to Chris's to watch Swimfan and the Matrix, which I hadn't seen. Wow, that's such an awesome movie. I usually don't like those types of movies, but I liked this one. It was so cool! I have to go soon. We've got a gig at Ellsworth Elementary. It'll be fun. I wonder if we get to see the kids play. That'd be so cool. It'd do wonders for my self esteem. Eeps, anyway, I'm outta here. Actually, before that, I heard this really mean saying the other day that I thought was funny, but...argh, it was so mean. I feel terrible for laughing at it. They said, "I'm outta here like the fat kid in dodgeball." That's terrible, is it not? I still can't believe I laughed then, I feel so mean. Anyway, I am out of here. I probably wont write again tonight considering the amount of homework I have. Goodnight you princes and princesses! :)"

"28,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Well, I think I'm going to stop writing in here because I found a good site to write, where no one can see it, so...I'll actually write what I need to, and what I want to. I may start writing in here again at some point, but...'eh, I highly doubt it."

"27,April,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"It's weird. I hate eating in front of other people. I always feel so guilty. I don't know why. I eat so much at home. I should be like, half the size of mexico."

"09,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Yeah, so...I spent the evening with Chris. It was fun. I think he thinks I'm really annoyed with him though, and I'm not at all. I'm jujst annoyed with most people right now, and I'm irritable. I can't wait for summer to come. I NEED summer. Hmmm. Oh well, haha, we went to chili's. It was interesting. I haven't been there in so long. I got this really big dessert. Haha, so good...but....too much. I think I'll go running tomorrow. But, anyway...that's really all I want to say right now because I can't really type everything I need to in this journal. Byebye."

"08,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I beat the system. I'm supposed to be researching for a speech, and I couldn't get on here from the school computer at first, but I can now. YES! Ahahaha, I beat the system. I'm typing in here, and I'm not supposed to be during school. I'm a rebel!!!"

"08,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Well, since blogger is DUMB, my entry for today got deleted. Stupid blogger. Oh well, I really don't feel like typing it again so, I wont. Maybe I'll write more later. Bye."

"07,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I'm not intelligent I'm not pretty I'm not funny I'm not a slut I don't like most people I'm not nice I'm too loud but too quiet I'm too untrusting I'm selfish Please, if you think of anymore...let me know."

"06,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"What's so wrong with me?"

"05,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Today, was good overall. Yes, very good. :) Turn the faucet off baby See we're floodin' the floor now What a shame Drown the neighbors out baby Our little love tub's out the door No more rap, nor more dub The steam Is almost hidin' you away In our tub of love here I'll scrub all over you and you can scrub... All over me Just move your leg a bit And I'll move mine We'll get so clean Our love is lookin' fine I'm shining now and so are you In our tub of love, life is new We're almost perfect now, me and you. I really don't take those words in a sexual nature. They just make me think. Sure, they could be meant in a sexual way but, I didn't take them that way. So, yeah. There's no one right now thankfully I think. I'm kind of glad I don't like anyone. I don't have to feel all awkward around people, and it's just so much more complicated when I do like someone. I'm really avoiding my science lab. I wish I could have gone to Kohl's with Brandon. Oh well. I talked to Chris on the phone for a bit, and still avoided doing my lab. I've been talking to Erica a lot the past few days. It's been nice. Anyway...must go actually do homework. :( Poo. Bye."

"05,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"OK, Chris isn't mad at me, but...I'm still sort of down. I don't know why. I truly don't. I'm sure there's some reason deep down inside and I just don't realize it, but...ARGH! It's super annoying."

"17,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Dag nabbit. I think Chris is mad at me now because I'm an idiot and was short with him last night because I was in a bad mood. I wasn't mad at him, just...maf in general. Argh, oh well."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Talked to Kathryn on the phone for a bit. I needed it. I'm glad she was home. :) I think I'm going to call someone. I don't want to be alone tonight."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I'm lonely. No one around to talk to, to hug, to just be with. Being with a big group of people wont help it. I'll still feel alone deep inside. It's hard to understand. I need just the right person to be with right now, and I don't even know who it is. I just, need to be with someone I can trust, someone I really care about. I think I want to spend tonight with Joanne and Kathryn and Kelly and Mary Clare. I need people I can talk to, have real conversations with, cry around without feeling stupid. I need a shoulder, and yet...nothing is there. Just air.The air I need to live, the air I need to breathe, and yet...it's doing nothing for me right now. I'm still sad. People just distract me from it for a bit."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I just took a shower. I love showers. They always make me feel so good. Today is going to be a good day!! No matter what!"

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"You know....Diane really is an amazing person. She's terrific at cheering me up. So is Joanne. And that's all I've got to say about that."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Well, I'm less angry now after having talked with a certain someone. Thanks a lot. You know who you are. I don't know. I think I just needed to talk to a specific type of person tonight. I'm glad I'm not so angry anymore though. I don't even know why. I don't get it. I mean, I was super angry, and just so dissapointed with the world, and so annoyed. I'm sure this will all be better tomorrow though. Goodnight"

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"??????? - (1:31:56 AM): hell your like the best person i know One of those people is doing a darn good job of cheering me up. Thank you."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"The only people I'd even want to talk to right now are my mom, Ryan, and Alex."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I'm sick of it all. I'm done with this."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I don't get why I'm so angry/annoyed with some people and perfectly ok with others."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Darnit. I am so angry and dissapointed, and sad right now. It's not cool."

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"You know who the coolest person in the world is? Someone who's so special they deserve an award? Ryan. Ryan Dewitt. Thanks Ryan. I love you!"

"16,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Oh yeah, I found out Peter doesn't hate me like no other. I'm glad. I don't like thinking that people hate me. Not a good feeling."

"13,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"The last few days have been ok. Just kind of chillin. I'm sick though, and I've been feeling like crap all week, so, I finally stayed home because I had no huge obligations. Thank goodness. I'm starting to feel better just from getting some actual sleep. I had marching, "tryouts" both Wednesday and Thursday Yesterday was basics. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be, thank goodness. I'm actually kind of glad I stuck with marching, and promised my mom I'd do it. We watched the senior movie with the song, "We Go On," in it. It's a song from my Freshman year show. It always makes me so sad. Anyway, scariest conversation ever last night. I was talking to Chris, and he's like, "What if I just told you how I really felt about you?" I started flipping out, because I couldn't tell if he was serious or not, because I couldn't hear his voice, and I was like, "Ah, he's already had a crappy week, how the heck am I supposed to say this nicely." And, someone asked me later that night, when we were talking about people we like, "Why don't you just go out with Chris?" I don't think people get that we're just good friends and nothing more. I don't think I could ever go out with Chris. Ever. It'd be way too weird, and...ick. Just...no. No offense to him of course. I mean, he feels the same way, so....people, just...forget it. Chris and I don't like each other, and never will. Well, like as more than friends. I'm just sick of it. I wish people could realize that just because I have guy friends, doesn't mean I like them, or want to go out with them. I had a conversation with Bryan about it. It's actually really easy to talk to Bryan. I'm glad he's my friend. And no, I don't like Bryan as more than a friend. Enough said. You get my point. Byebye."

"13,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I was reading a past entry of mine, and I said how I could never forgive him for what he did to her. I don't think it's my place to forgive in the first place. It's her's. I certainly don't think what he did is right, nor do I condone it, and certainly I would kick his scrawny butt if he ever did anything to hurt her again, but it's still not my place to forgive. I doubt anyone's going to understand this entry at all, but I needed to write it for my own personal well-being."

"13,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"I put that conversation with Katharine in here because it makes me happy. It jut made me feel really special, and it will be good for me to look at when I feel sad. Who knows if she really meant it though? Maybe she does that with everyone. Oh well. I really don't know. My head hurts, and my nose hurts, and my eyes hurt from rubbing them. I just hurt! Dumb colds. My mom gave me her cold she had for the past weekend, and I have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow. Those aren't good to have when your eyes are watering alll over the place! :( Oh well, not much to say about today. It was pretty boring. I'm doing marching band down I think. Brandon got section leader, but...so did Peter. It's confusing. Brandon got section leader for marching, and Peter got it for music or something. It's all very confusing.I guess Brandon's highter in the chain of command though, which is good because Peter hates me like no other. Ah, too much to do at once. Nothing more iinteresting to say anyway. Byebye! :) Overall mood for the day: Happy"

"12,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Lokiluna13 (9:47:21 PM): You love me! YaY!!!! Lokiluna13 (9:47:26 PM): no, seriously...happiest day ever wackokatharine (9:47:34 PM): of course i love you! wackokatharine (9:47:45 PM): seriously, i think you're like, the coolest kid ever Lokiluna13 (9:48:35 PM): haha, naw. There's so many cool people at central wackokatharine (9:49:14 PM): but not as cool as you wackokatharine (9:49:17 PM): because youre smart wackokatharine (9:49:19 PM): and youre in band wackokatharine (9:49:27 PM): and you dont care what other people think about you wackokatharine (9:49:32 PM): and youre not a whore wackokatharine (9:49:36 PM): and youre nice to everyone"

"12,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Can't he tell she doesn't want to talk to him? Doesn't want to have anything to do with him? He's called three times, and she hasn't called back. Guys really don't get it. I just can't possibly forgive him for what he did to her. Oh well. I give up. High school relationships truly suck. The only relationship I believe in, and probably will ever believe in during high school is John and Joannes."

"11,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"

"Why can't good things happen to good people? That's my lifelong question."

"11,May,2003"

"female"

"Libra"

"Student"