Datasets:

MattBoraske

/

reddit-AITA-submissions-and-comments-multiclass

like 1

AITA For suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?

i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gr8bp3/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/

2020-05-26 23:35:45

nta - sue her ass. sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. nail them all to the wall.

nta! how do you have the nerve to do something like that in someone’s home? she isn’t even your wife!! she went too far and i say you dodged a bullet.

nta: holy shit, definitely not the asshole. that’s like your girlfriend selling a dog out from under you while you are on a business trip because she didn’t like it! the audacity. if she didn’t like it, she could’ve just ignored it. the most toxic part is that she sees no issue. your property, your house, she throws it away? and if any judge knows the worth of that car they would understand suing her for the costs. let alone the time you spent on it. that’s a hobby, and a damn good one. if she couldn’t support you and your project, that probably would’ve been a red flag for anything you do later on. i think this is all justified.

nta. my husband has several old cars. i haven't seen the inside of the garage in twenty years. but he loves his hobby cars and i would never dream of asking him to lose one. i say take her to court. be sure you sue for replacement cost. the impalas are getting hard to come by and you may have to pay more than you think. oh, and congrats on dodging the bullet with that one. if she pulled this crap in the first year. just think what she would be trying after a couple of kids and ten years of marriage.

nta. what is with this sub and terrible so's who don't respect their partner's property and passions? like how the fuck did she expect you act?! *oh, yay you completely destroyed my passion project while also causing a considerable financial loss. but at least your car is in the garage!* 🙄 she wasn't very bright, being dumped, and sued is the most predictable outcome from this scenario.

completely, definitely, whole-heartedly nta!!!!!! what a horrid human being! what a selfish, ungrateful and disgusting human being! ‘67 impala?!?! i want to sue her too! i’m going to sue her for making you have to post this and causing me emotional distress! is there like a gofundme for suing people?! cause i’ll contribute. gosueher.com?

i would file a police report and see if there was any way that you could get her prosecuted. nta.

nta. relationship wise: this was a gross overstep on her part just to get her way on something minor. ending the relationship immediately was the right thing to do. legal wise: don’t destroy something you can’t afford to replace. take her down, let her pay it off over the next few years.

nta. i can make an educated guess as to why it was a 67 impala, and i am horrified for you. that’s straight up theft. if that’s how she treats your baby, imagine what else she’ll feel free to dispose of.

nta. on a normal day this would be bad enough, but as a petrolhead this really has got my blood boiling i can only imagine how much this meant to you. i am so sorry this has happened to you. i am so sorry is there anyway you could get the car back?

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita [/INST] nta - sue her ass. sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. nail them all to the wall. </s>

AITA for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?

i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e5k3z2/aita_for_pretending_to_get_fired_when_customers/

2019-12-03 17:07:53

nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers.

nta. i think it’s hilarious and maybe it’ll teach some people a lesson about controlling their assholery.

you’re not an asshole at all. you’re the hero retailers need! brilliant.

nta - customers can be fucking dicks. usually people are pretty respectful and reasonable, even when they have a legit complaint... but every now and then there's the one guy or gal that comes in and just can't be made happy. they're the worst. i've taken the approach of "killing with kindness" and being sarcastically polite... "oh, ok sir. i can microwave your coffee for you, would you like 2 minutes or 5?" it's fun, usually pisses them off more but they can't do anything because you're not saying anything wrong. i'm curious how the customer acts when they come in the next day / following week and you're still behind the counter?

nta- fun fact harrods actually hires people for this. if a customer is upset in the store, the manager will call back the “offender” and fire them in front of the customer to satiate them. then, the guy who’s job it is to be fired just goes back to the back room and waits for another customer to get angry so he can be fired again. i think it’s even better that you’re using it to make people think twice about being a-holes in the store

this kind of reminds me of a video on youtube where a kid (teen) goes to a barber for a haircut and i can't remember what the prank was but his intention was to prank the barber with some kind of shock reaction prank. well, someone had told the barber about what the kid had planned so the barber had his own prank planned. when the kid did his prank, the barber faked a heart attack and "died" right there on the barber shop floor. it was hilarious. i know this isn't the same thing as op post but for some reason it made me remember it.

esh the customers are obviously assholes for being assholes for no good reason. yes, you are a little bit of an asshole. is it justified? absolutely. are you still an asshole? yes. unfortunately, in a customer service role, you are always going to have to deal with people who are angry over absolutely nothing. it is part of the job. is it fair? no. in a perfect world, those customers would not exist, but we live in reality and that is part of the reality especially of that job.

nta. [some places have mirrors placed behind the counter because it has proven that people behave better when they can see what they look like when they act out.](http://disclosive.com/list/why-big-mirrors-are-installed-in-bars-behind-the-counters) some people seriously need a wake up call when they start misbehaving.

is this a good idea? i know if i see a manager or lead fire an employee in public i would think less of the business and management. and likely get my. coffee elsewhere. you may be indirectly costing the business by doing so. may not be a big deal to you, but to the owners of a small business it can do harm.

nta. that's hilarious, and puts shitty customers in their place.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

ESH

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke? [/INST] nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers. </s>

AITA for bringing my SIL’s wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2k5kv/aita_for_bringing_my_sils_wallet_to_the/

2022-08-31 17:59:37

nta but you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your licence so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again

she made the reservation and invited you. etiquette says she would be responsible for 100% of that bill. nta

nta. awesome power move. but when is your husband gonna step up and make her pay her share?

nta. that was a boss move. but if you want to keep it up without getting accused of touching her things, when you're in the car, don't let your husband start driving until she shows you she has her wallet on her. you told her right up front "i'm not paying this time." and she tried to push you into it. honestly, i don't know why you keep going out with her. cancel. or insist your husband pays. like, what does he say about all of this? because he needs to have a chat with his sister about how she's abusing your generosity. next time she stays and says there's a reservation: "oh, hey, i hope you guys have a nice time. yeah, i'm not going. i'm getting tired of someone who isn't my husband continuously trying to fuck me."

nta - why do you and your husband still allow her to stay with you or choose expe sive restaurants or even go out with her? i think you need to talk to your husband about this behaviour. i am very curious as to why he hasn't stepped in and shut this down and wonder if he is the one encouraging her to do this behind your back.

stop eating out with her. when she makes a reservation. tell her to have a nice evening and doordash yourself a nice meal.

nta. she’s playing checkers, you’re playing chess, and she’s mad you called her on her bs.

usually, i'm against people touching others' property, but in this case, well done. be aware that next time she will be hiding her wallet, but maybe just refuse to go out to dinner if she didn't bring her wallet/card. let her know if she doesn't pay she will not be going out with you and your husband and make it clear that your hospitality is a courtesy, not an obligation. she's very welcome to stay in a hotel next time if she doesn't abide by the rules and respects you. your husband's family might start harassing you after you establish the rules, so might be worth having a dialogue with your husband and having him be "the bad cop". if the family complains, tell them that they are welcome to pay your sil's expenses, including past dinners if you have the receipts or bank statements. your sil's an entitled brat.

nta. stone cold busted. next time she books an expensive restaurant, just stand her up, and even better, tell her to find a hotel for her next visit.

nta - i would have done the same. she’s only furious because you called her on her crap and beat her at her own game. if she genuinely forgot her wallet she would be thanking you for having the forethought to remember it for her so since she’s so “forgetful”.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> [/INST] nta but you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your licence so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again </s>

AITA for making a dad joke?

note. my step-daughter, madeline, was about a year old when i married her mother, jessica. madeline’s father died before she was born. madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. she did something bad, so while picking her up, i set a punishment up for her. then she said “you’re not my dad. i don’t have to follow you”. honestly, i got a bit hurt from that. but i understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. i just replied “i’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.” that happened about 2 days ago. so our family was going grocery shopping, when madeline said “i’m hungry. i need food.” i decide to be extremely cheeky and say “hi hungry, i’m not your dad.” my son just started to laugh uncontrollably. my daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. and my wife was berating me “not to stoop down to her level.” i honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. and my son agrees. so aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/

2019-10-13 19:41:26

esh, but that was one hell of a joke and i congratulate you for it.

yta but a small one, it's a fun joke but wrong audience..

esh. but a+ for execution

i thought it was funny, but i too am an asshole

nta if it was a one time thing. teenagers are a special test of our patience.

nah it's a fun dad joke and teens are full of shit anyways

nah. your daughter is 15, so she's somewhat of an involuntary asshole by virtue of being a teenager. what she said was hurtful, but chances are she'll come around with maturity. your dad joke was funny and harmless. i am seriously struggling to find anything negative to glean from it. even when i was an assholey teen i enjoyed my dad's cringe-worthy jokes, so this just comes across as very wholesome to me.

nta she is old enough to know that words have power. while you may have said it in a joking manner, she got to feel a little bit of what you felt when she said you were not her father. that being said, this is an opportunity to sit down with her and let her know that you do love her, very much consider yourself her father, and then let it ride. teenage girls are hard on their parents in the best of circumstances. go with god.

esh. my dad is not my biological father and when i was a teen i went through similar angst and wanted to lash out. now i had the good sense to know that saying something like that would be extremely hurtful so i never did. but also if my dad ever said something like that, especially in front of my brother who is his biological son i would’ve been heartbroken. i think you need to sit down and have a discussion with her about those kinds of comments, in my opinion if you don’t this is gonna hurt her for a long time

well, biology aside, do you see yourself as her dad? because i'm betting you do, and the fact that you'd say you aren't, in public no less, is probably confirming her own adolescent fears. she is probably actually insecure about you not being her "real" dad, and i bet that makes her worry that you won't always be there for her. she's a kid and you're an adult, you have to show her the right way to be and be the role model she needs. yta. apologize.

ESH

YTA

ESH

NTA

NAH

NAH

NTA

ESH

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: note. my step-daughter, madeline, was about a year old when i married her mother, jessica. madeline’s father died before she was born. madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. she did something bad, so while picking her up, i set a punishment up for her. then she said “you’re not my dad. i don’t have to follow you”. honestly, i got a bit hurt from that. but i understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. i just replied “i’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.” that happened about 2 days ago. so our family was going grocery shopping, when madeline said “i’m hungry. i need food.” i decide to be extremely cheeky and say “hi hungry, i’m not your dad.” my son just started to laugh uncontrollably. my daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. and my wife was berating me “not to stoop down to her level.” i honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. and my son agrees. so aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> note. my step-daughter, madeline, was about a year old when i married her mother, jessica. madeline’s father died before she was born. madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. she did something bad, so while picking her up, i set a punishment up for her. then she said “you’re not my dad. i don’t have to follow you”. honestly, i got a bit hurt from that. but i understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. i just replied “i’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.” that happened about 2 days ago. so our family was going grocery shopping, when madeline said “i’m hungry. i need food.” i decide to be extremely cheeky and say “hi hungry, i’m not your dad.” my son just started to laugh uncontrollably. my daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. and my wife was berating me “not to stoop down to her level.” i honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. and my son agrees. so aita? [/INST] esh, but that was one hell of a joke and i congratulate you for it. </s>

WIBTA for refusing to stop cooking bacon in my kitchen due to my teenage daughters vegan lifestyle?

dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkqv29/wibta_for_refusing_to_stop_cooking_bacon_in_my/

2019-10-20 22:19:11

nta. get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher.

as a teen who’s trying to go vegetarian, your daughter is acting ridiculous. “the dish washing machine’s tainted”? what kind of bull is that? and she shouldn’t be forcing you guys to go vegan in your own house if you don’t want to. you’ve been very supportive as it is, buying separate pans. ywnbta

nta, and i say that as a vegan. "cross contamination" is bs that militant vegans make up to make themselves feel superior to other vegans. and she has to understand that there's going to be meat around. i get that it upsets her, really, but unless she only lives with vegans for the rest of her life this is something she is going to have to get used to. a compromise might be too keep the meat in a drawer in the fridge rather than getting rid of it altogether. she's young, and a new vegan, so the good news is that she will probably grow out of/ease up on it. when you first go vegan you're so excited and feel so enlightened, like no one ever figured this out before you. then you get a little jaded and relax a bit. try to tough it out and keep talking to her. but no, you do not need to stop making/storing meat in your house just for her.

nta. she's 14. there is no middle ground at 14. my condolences, as it's going to be a long winter.

pfft had a vegan roommate in the past. he used the fridge and dishwasher just fine. time for a real world lesson for her - she's not always gonna live with people who share her food lifestyle. she's got to learn to compromise. there is no reason to inconvenience yourselves and others because she's being a dramatic teen. compromise - she has her own cookware and her own meat free section of the fridge.

nta. you're already being as supporting as you can, but at the end of the day it's your house. you don't need to bend the knee to your daughter over this.

nta, obviously. you've been supportive of her new diet choice and have been very accommodating by getting her pans to use for vegan food. she can't expect you to change your whole lifestyle to cater to her. meat needs to be kept in the fridge, and if the dishwasher is tainted then maybe she should try washing a dish by hand *gasp*.

you know the answer, i'm assuming this is for your wife 😄 you are accommodating despite it being irrational. it's now being pushed to a new level of irrational. explain to your daughter that you're trying to be as accommodating as possible but this is too far for you and there's no grounds for farther arguing because you don't have the same perspective as her. she might be mad at you, but when she has her own living space and gets to make the rules, she might understand why you don't want to be forced to go elsewhere to eat.

nta many vegans cohabitate successfully with meat eaters, your daughter is pushing the line here and being unreasonable. you have gone out of your way to support her dietary choices (i'm assuming that she washes her own pans and dishes by hand herself rather than using the contaminated dishwasher lol) it is time for her to learn how to coexist peacefully with people that dont think exactly like she does. i think you wife is 100% wrong here and is trying to take the easy way to avoiding an angsty teenager being difficult....this is a fantastic learning experience for your daughter in tolerance and compromise.

nta, but this actually sounds really complicated. teenage girls can have very contentious relationships with food, and that can express themselves in a lot of ways. i think you need to get more information going forward. she might just be a teen pushing limits and seeing what she can control. she might also genuinely be struggling with ideas about, “cleanliness” as it related to food.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house. [/INST] nta. get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher. </s>

Aita for wearing the “joke” bikini my friend got me?

so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7yuot/aita_for_wearing_the_joke_bikini_my_friend_got_me/

2019-09-23 00:16:51

nta well played!!! you deserve an award, but i’m broke. so here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇

nta. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. plus it's not your fault he was blatantly stating at your tits right in front of her. e: because it still isn't clear to literally anyone, i'm saying mandy has nobody to blame but herself for what happened.

nta. she knew what kind of gift she was giving you, you were just getting her back in a harmless way. no one's gonna die from seeing boobs. now you can all have a laugh about it.

nah, she pranked you, you pranked her

esh. her for her buying you see through clothing and you for basically getting naked in front of her and her bf

ahhaha op this is fantastic. i won't give a judgement. i'm leaning fairly heavy towards no assholes here but a part of me does feel like everyone sucks cause you did purposefully do something that you know would bother your friend. she absolutely deserves it though. and you simply outplayed her. she was playing checkers when you were playing cheese. well done.

esh and you know it. obviously she's ta for letting you wear a see through bikini in public. but you're an adult. deal with it like an adult. knowingly exposing your body to people that did not actively consent to seeing it is not the adult way to handle things.

nah esh if you squint her joke was just as harmless as yours. not tasteful, imo, but harmless and not asshole-y. i don't see it as much as either of you being jerks, and more like a back-and-fourth prank. now you're on equal ground, lol. (also, if her boyfriend was distracted that's on him, not you or her)

[deleted]

esh. you're both shitty friends and thoroughly deserve each other.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NAH

ESH

NAH

ESH

NAH

ESH

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita? [/INST] nta well played!!! you deserve an award, but i’m broke. so here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇 </s>

AITA for telling my extended family how many men (roughly) my sister has slept with after she outed our youngest brother as a virgin?

we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cihc3z/aita_for_telling_my_extended_family_how_many_men/

2019-07-27 13:11:51

esh one person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with.

nta. you were looking out for your little brother and you fought with the truth. if your sister can't take the truth, she shouldn't dish it out. she also shouldn't have kept it from her husband.

nta. 1. she started the personal attacks on body count so she can’t be mad when someone points out hers. 2. she lied to her husband about her past and that’s her fault. if anything she’s the asshole for that. 3. if their marriage is truly in trouble for you speaking the truth it’s probably not the best match

esh it makes you look trashy and gross to have this personal info on your sister. and most people probably didn't think less of your brother when they heard virgin. it's family. family does not give a shit about your sex life. unless you're married and making babies. you got involved in a fight that didn't involve you. they shouldn't have been fighting so much. but you could have said something sooner and just asked them to stop. you did nothing but add fuel to the fire and behaved like a child.

nta. i feel like everyone voting esh thinks it’s more “damaging” to be slut shamed than it is to be shamed for being a virgin. i was a late bloomer- literally every sexual milestone was hit wayyyy after what is “socially acceptable” for people my age. when you tell a person that you’re still a virgin you’re immediately hit with ‘the eye’. they stare at you and critique you like “yea their nose is a little big i guess...they’re pretty socially awkward so i can see why” etc. trying to make sense of what’s ‘wrong’ with you that no one wants to have sex with you 🙄 “i feel like once you have sex you’ll feel differently” “thats so cute-it’s good that you’re waiting because you should make it special- i didn’t and i totes regret it so really this is a blessing in disguise” etc. it makes you feel like a little kid trying to sit at the grown up table. “oh you aren’t missing anything trust me- it’s better to wait anyway” etc. just a ton of patronizing comments that all in all make you feel “less than” which is exactly what slut shaming is meant to do. if the sister didn’t want anyone to poke at her past then she shouldn’t be delving into her brothers lack of one. “being a virgin isn’t a big deal” the sister said it because she clearly feels like it is and she wanted to invalidate her brothers voice. that was the whole point of her comment. his opinion (in her eyes) is ‘less than’ because he’s a virgin. i feel like most people don’t understand what it is to be told that you’re less of a person/less of an adult because you haven’t stuck your dick in someone/let someone stick their dick in you. it’s a very degrading concept.

nta - people really need to learn not to dish it if they can't take it. simple as that.

esh. your sister obviously was the asshole for spouting off about your brother with hurtful intentions, but you were also ta for doing the same thing back to her (even though you were just sticking up for your brother). your family is ta for blaming you for the marital problems because your sister created those problems herself by "misleading" her husband about her past.

nta this brightened my day to read.

esh except your brother. there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin or having an active sexual past. you tried to fight fire with fire by slut shaming your sister. i completely understand why you reacted how you did and i think a lot of people can relate and may have acted the same. at the end of the day you suck for bringing it up how you did because your intent was to make her feel bad. i also can’t imagine your extended family knew about her sexual past. she sucks for calling your brother that, not telling her husband, and for continuing to be an ass when you confronted her. however, if it’s true that every single person at the table with the exception of the husband knew about her sexual past and you genuinely thought he did you are not an asshole for them having marital problems. she should’ve told him that. you just suck for trying to put her down in front of a group of people so you’re not any better than her.

nta you were sticking up for your brother. it’s not your fault you sister wasn’t honest with her husband.

ESH

NTA

NTA

ESH

NTA

NTA

ESH

NTA

ESH

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine. [/INST] esh one person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with. </s>

AITA for telling my son he deserved his gf breaking up with him?

so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/daglhs/aita_for_telling_my_son_he_deserved_his_gf/

2019-09-28 14:21:44

nta. that's the truth. what age is he?

nta it’s a truth he needs to hear. i’m more concerned about the reaction of your wife. does she enable your son’s laziness?

nta. he's been too lazy with the relationship anyway. the girl deserves someone better and your son needs to know that it takes effort to make a relationship work.

nta - as lizzo says “truth hurts” lol

nta. your son needs to learn that relationships are about give and take; he can't do all the taking, and if you needed to be the one pointing it out then so be it.

[removed]

nta but a sticky situation. your son was in the wrong and he needed to here it but because he is your son i can see why your wife would be mad at you for saying that. if you said it bluntly it could sound cold and mean but if you had a nice talk with your son and communicate better it would work for telling him when he is being stupid. you could start off in a supporting manner saying stuff like "there are other fish in the sea" yadda yadda ect... and then tell him that he could have been a better boyfriend.

info: this seems incredibly odd. your son wasn't even willing to fly to see her even when she said she'd only move if he visited her. are you sure there's not some other reason he doesn't want to fly? it might just be me but it seems quite strange for someone to turn down a holiday and seeing their girlfriend of two years "just because".

esh. like, everybody. your son for lack of effort. your wife for enabling him. the girlfriend, assuming your assumption she was cheating is correct. and you for piling on. your son already knew how you felt since you already told him. he messed up. he is hurting. now is not the time for "i told you so."

yta this sub, sometimes... to quote the big lebowski, "you aren't wrong, walter. you're just an asshole". yes, he was lazy. yes, she should have broken up with him. that said, no one wants their father, someone who should be their most ardent supporter, shaming them in their moment of vulnerability. save it for when you're both reminiscing/reflecting. give him time to reach that conclusion on his own and support him through his growth. don't shove it down his throat so you can feel good because you're right.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

INFO

ESH

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said. [/INST] nta. that's the truth. what age is he? </s>

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship

i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9pm5u/aita_telling_my_parents_to_pay_me_back_my_college/

2020-08-14 16:53:59

nta. hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to. as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child. never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers. &amp;#x200b;

nta thats a generic 'sorry you're upset non apology. they are just around now because they want to influence the baby. the 100k ask is fair if they have the means to pay it.

wow. i would typically say that you would be the ah, because expecting money from family is never a good thing but i am making an exception here. no, you're nta. being singled out like that because you are a woman is gross, and it's terribly unfair that your brothers got a free ride and you didn't for that one fact. good on you though, for making your own way in spite of them.

nta. i’m proud of you, by the way. despite your upbringing you persevered. keep staying strong and standing your ground.

sorry your family sucks, but honestly fuck them, your brothers most of all for being so entitled while simultaneously giving you shit for wanting what they got for free. nta

nta your parents unfortunately can't prove that they're sorry because they aren't. tell your brothers "you know what else is immature and hurtful? sexism, parental neglect, and forcing your child into debt."

nta, your parents treated you terribly due to your gender and their archaic ideas of gender roles. when given the chance to apologize they couldnt be bothered to provide a sincere one. should you realistically expect 100k, no, but the fact they are not even willing to try to make amends is ridiculous. nobody is entitled to a "forgive and forget" situation, so if your not willing to do so that's a valid choice.

nta only showing up now to "save" their grandchilds soul. they just wanna push their crap onto the next generation.

[deleted]

hi op--just want to say i don't think you're being an asshole here given all the pain &amp; hardship your family put you through just so you could ensure you had a baseline successful life. but there's still space for forgiveness and a renewed relationship if you're open to it: * ask them to fund a 529 for your child to help fund their college education. asking for 100k, due immediately, tells them they owe you a debt (which they do)--but there's more than one way to pay it off. obviously this is more meaningful if you have a daughter, but it gives you proof that they're serious * ensure that, if they're to have a relationship with their grandkid, they keep all their sexist bs out of it sometimes the best way to change people and show them they were wrong is to bring them to your side, and show by example, instead of keeping them away. you're justified if you don't want to open up this relationship again, but there might be room to repair something. best of luck with the little one on the way :)

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all. [/INST] nta. hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to. as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child. never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers. &amp;#x200b; </s>

AITA for sleeping naked on top of the covers to teach my flatmate's gf a lesson?

new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d10cpy/aita_for_sleeping_naked_on_top_of_the_covers_to/

2019-09-07 19:21:39

nta. she knew it was a risk when she barged in. how is she not the pervert? also, have you considered getting a lock?

nta do these people not realize how crazy they sound? "you were naked in your own room!? you are out of order mister". if they are the sort of people who then go around telling people you are some sick creep, they are not your friends.

wow, what assholes. you're ta because she barged into your room?! f them! and also, obvi, nta.

nta. who barges in without knocking? assholes.

nta. they both are. lock your door from now on if you can.

nta. this girl sounds like she's blatantly trying to get you in trouble.... maybe she has a twisted plan to get you out of the house? i don't know, but it seriously sounds like she might be doing this on purpose. &amp;#x200b; you told her to knock on many many occasions and she even giggled when you said "next time i will be bloody naked" and then you get called a pervert and an ass for actually following through? she is most certainly the asshole here. &amp;#x200b; sit down with your friend and really get this point across that she is invading your privacy.

nta. you "threatened " to do it yet she still barged in. what does that say about her? 😁

esh. she needs to respect privacy but yeah, you knew full well what she would do and, rather than talk to your friend like an adult about how uncomfortable it makes you, you knowingly and deliberately exposed yourself to her.

nta, i actually think it's pretty funny this is the way you chose to make your point. you deserve your privacy and she obviously isn't respecting that. if you told her before and she just shrugged it off then maybe a little shock and real life demonstration is what she needed in order to get the point across. also screw those people. you didn't expose yourself to her, she exposed herself to you by barging into your private space after being warned already. you have every right to be naked in the privacy of your own room

nta but you can get around this two ways. replace the whole knob with a locking one. keep the old one and put it back when you leave. or even easier buy a rubber wedge and put it under the door. shepherd hardware 9133 heavy duty rubber door wedge, brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/b00004yohn/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5zaddbrn85dw1 $3.49 problem solved.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

ESH

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this? [/INST] nta. she knew it was a risk when she barged in. how is she not the pervert? also, have you considered getting a lock? </s>

AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?

pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cnml52/aita_for_suggesting_my_7yo_name_his_new_stuffed/

2019-08-08 14:32:21

nah inappropriate? yes. still funny? also yes.

nah . you jokingly suggested a name, it's not your fault your son happened to like it. there will probably be no ramifications, but you and your wife can probably convince him to change the name if she dislikes it that much. just think of a new last name and tell him in a really excited way that you "just thought of an even better last name!" and i'd bet he'd go with you and change it.

nah - he's your son but i'll tell you right now you may come to regret it. my dad one time as a reward let us watch austin powers, the one with the fat mike myers. thinking most of the humor would go over our heads; but we really wanted to see it as we heard alot about it. i think i was in 3rd or 4th grade and my brother in 1st or 2nd. my brother ended up going to school and pushing his chest together and told the teacher 'muh titties are bigger than yours' ...to a pretty busty teacher. my parents had to go in and have a fairly lengthy conversation. so all in good fun you each have valid opinions. but it definitely may have some negative ramifications.

yta. it may have gone over *his* head, but what about when he repeats it in school or around adults?

nta. i had a toy monkey my father called "benito" (like mussolini) and i grew up just fine.

nah but maybe refer to it as tig as much as you can, just to please your wife as a compromise the same way you refer to his teddy bear as tess, and not miss tickles

nta. this is hilarious.

nah hahahahahahaha

yta, but also i want to say nah because it's funny. :p but seriously, your wife is right, that is inappropriate for a 7-year-old. he's not going to know what it means, and he's going to talk to his friends about tig bitties, and some uppity soccer mom is going clutch her pearls, and it's going to be a big mess of stupid. and then later in his life it's going to click and he's going to be like "wtf dad? why'd you have me running around talking about tig bitties when i was 7 years old?" i don't think it's a big deal, and obviously it's too late. this is a facepalm-and-move-on kind of thing. but your wife's response is totally valid.

nah while your joke is very funny at least for you and me lol, something could go wrong with this name, not a mayor problem or a situation i could imagine will affect your child in a important way. some people point out that his friends will laugh at him but, if he couldnt understand the double meaning i dont think his friends will. also tig bitties could sound like a cute way to say tiger bites or something random a kid would put as a name to his toy lol.

NAH

NAH

NAH

YTA

NTA

NAH

NTA

NAH

YTA

NAH

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. [/INST] nah inappropriate? yes. still funny? also yes. </s>

AITA for switching to regular milk to prove my lactose intolerant roommate keeps stealing from me?

me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvcvtt/aita_for_switching_to_regular_milk_to_prove_my/

2020-07-21 18:29:53

nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem.

nta. it’s your food. you could have put your medicine in it or even your pet’s medication in it. you could have put a laxative in it or even syrup of ipecac. and i would still say nta. when people steal food, lie about it and don’t replace it they reap what they sow. food is expensive, especially milk substitutes. without replacing the food he was essentially stealing money from your wallet.

nta. i read a story from askamanager where something similar occurred. op liked spicy food and food thief ate it then reported op to hr for trying to poison him. eventually op got fired after hr agreed with food thief. op got a lawyer and story came out that hr and food thief were in a relationship. company owner fired both offenders and hired op back with increased pay. dude sucks for stealing your food and i would have done the same thing.

nta. &gt; the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. this, children, is called projection: he knows he's stealing food, and he figures the two of you are going to try and do it to him. dick.

this story is incredible! who can't tell the difference between almond milk and dairy milk?

nta if he steals from you, he should face consequences, especially after you bringing it up to him. why would he expect you buying and using products that accomodate to his health condition?

nta there is a saying in finnish that translates to 'the greedy ones have a shitty end', and i think that's what happened here.

speaking as a lactose intolerant person: nta. dude had to learn a lesson. if drinking real milk would have killed him, or hospitalised him, then i'd say it was too far, and there should be a better way. but having to shit for 40 minutes is a hilarious, and fair, punishment. well played, op. well played.

nta as my husband always says " play stupid games, win stupid prizes" guy got what he deserved.

nta hes stealing from you and you taught him a lesson. he'll have the shits boo hoo

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta? [/INST] nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem. </s>

AITA for telling coworkers extremely bluntly why I'm not participating in the office weight loss bet?

someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jhwisp/aita_for_telling_coworkers_extremely_bluntly_why/

2020-10-25 16:46:09

nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! they took this public, not you. your hr team handled this appropriately. i’m glad some of your coworkers are supporting you as well.

you're spot on, because what they are doing really is harassment - and that does not belong in the workplace. nta. and if they continue to give you grief in *retaliation* then you should continue to report - because the issue is not done.

no. your nta. anorexia is a horrific illness and it's not something to be played around with. you were in a good place and they put you in the bad place. i'm sorry that this has happened to you 🥺 and i really hope you are receiving the support you need. all your coworkers who have essentially tried to "get you to play along" are fucking assholes. they pushed and pushed and pushed and didn't like it when their own assholery got a snap back (not only from you but from hr, who i am assuming is the one who shut down the bet) also, who the fuck bets on weight loss? that's literally how people develop illnesses like anorexia and bulimia. *cuddles* from one recovering anorexic to another. please stay safe and try to stay comfortable with eating. if you get uncomfortable again, try to speak with a professional.

nta. your co-workers were harassing you. no matter your reason for saving no, to a non-work related competition, they should've dropped it immediately. honestly, i'd let hr know about the comments being made, especially the women saying they don't feel safe because you are recovering from an eating disorder. that seems like it could easily skew into more harassment from them, based on how they've acted so far.

nta you told them you didn't want to participate multiple times, politely. they didn't take any notice of you and unsurprisingly it eventually came to a head. this has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with those colleagues being insensitive. no one should be forced to take part in activity outside of work regardless of what it is, similar to how you wouldn't force a former alcoholic to go to a pub/bar.

nta even not considering the eating disorder. at the first "no" they should've backed down. asking someone to lose weight is harassment and you were right to contact hr. one can have a number of reasons for not wanting to lose weight. for example "i don't want to, mind your own beeswax."

nta - at my prior org they tried similar till someone filled a complaint with the labor department after hr didn't deal with the passive aggressive harassment that was happening to people who opted out. i have always been uncomfortable with the dietbet model. like i'm on ww and ill see ww ambassadors endorsing diet betting and its weird.

nta. the event was canceled because they couldn't respect your boundaries not because of you. tbh though i'd start looking around at other jobs. i had a job where a manager kept trying to get handsy with me and after 6 months of asking him to stop i reported him to hr. people started getting mad at me because they had to do harassment training and he was just messing around, it was a joke. i was written up and reported by coworkers 5 times in 3 weeks over lies until i gave my notice.

nta. i find all diet and weight talk a bit triggering just because i closely saw what severe anorexia did to my sister. i can't imagine what it means for you, especially if its so targeted directly at you. you tried to be good, you told them no several times. i am so sorry this happened. please take care of yourself, maybe reach out to some professional help (if you dont have it) if you feel yourself spiralling! i am glad there are some people who are supportive.

nta are you the asshole for laying down a boundary and then sticking up for yourself when people continuously smashed right through it? no, you are not, despite all the "mean girl" attempts to gas light you. "it was just a joke" - favorite line of all bullies everywhere. good luck with that bunch of assholes.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita? [/INST] nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! they took this public, not you. your hr team handled this appropriately. i’m glad some of your coworkers are supporting you as well. </s>

AITA for telling a social worker the real reason my sister wants a foster kid?

so this is a throw away account. while my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. i'm a 28f and i have a sister (36f) for the sake of story, i'll just call jane. jane is married to "bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. they fight as siblings do but nothing big. i love them. now for about two years, i did live with my sister. it was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. she saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. even when i managed to get a small part time job, she demanded i hand over nearly half my pay or get out. it was hell as she took completely advantage of me. i moved out as soon as i could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings. now after i moved out, she started complaining how "she has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" i babysit sometimes but i have made it clear, just cause i am off work, doesn't mean i want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. not a kid but a teenager. i pressed her for more info on this. she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. this is her logic: "i want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. they can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. they can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(she bakes and sells cookies) also babysit the kids so me and bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. i won't have to pay them at all. and then when they turn 18, i can just sign up for another foster kid! a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes." i was horrified! told her it was a horrible idea! she didn't listen to me. she went on with it anyway. about a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. she had put me down as a character witness or something like that. i immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when i lived with her. the lady thanked me. my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. she asked if i said anything and i told the truth. she went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. she has sent some angry texts. a couple family members are on her side. they think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework. so aita here?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hsdpho/aita_for_telling_a_social_worker_the_real_reason/

2020-07-16 17:14:01

nta. you told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. it is a foster child, not a slave.

nta. wtf is wrong with your sister wtf..??

nta. kids aren't slaves and shouldn't be treated as such. i'm glad you got out of living with your sister, because she sounds difficult to live with, and you absolutely did the right thing to prevent a child from being treated like you did!

nta. what you did was the only ethical option. not only is this treating another human being like a literal house slave(and a disposable one at that), but older fosters tend to have been through a horrifying amount of abuse that means they often need a lot of help themselves. honestly, the plan to have him live in the same room as the younger children is generally not allowed for that exact reason--its incredibly common for sexually abused children to repeat the behavior to other children because they don't know better and its been normalized(and i'm guessing the garage plan wasn't even mentioned to the social worker because that is right out). older foster children are generally harder to place exactly because they generally need so much work, but all your sister sees is free labor. unless she somehow lucks out with actual cinderella, her flippant plan is not only cruel but exposing her own children to potential physical and sexual abuse, drugs, whatever horrible things the foster child had to do to survive. also, i'd extremely not trust any family member that is on her side. you shouldn't be celebrated by adopting a child for your own gain--this is a just a genteel version of victorian men scooping up orphans and forcing them to work as chimney sweeps and coal miners then discarding them when they get too big to do the work.

nta . your sister is insane. what happens if she learns about au pairs :/

nta!!!!! too many foster kids end up in homes like that and its digusting! people should only take in a kid of they're willing to treat them like their own kid and provide a loving and fun home. you absloutly did the right thing, saving a kid from being subjected to being a maid and nanny.

holy shit, nta. my husband and i have talked about adopting teenagers. the first thing we talked about was that we weren’t asking them to babysit. it’s not their job, and foster kids have gone through so much. making them a live in, unpaid nanny is just disgusting and your sister should be ashamed of herself.

nta i’m so tired of people using the foster care system for their own narcissistic needs, usually it’s money in this case it’s labor. just as bad as people who have more children just so they can take care of their siblings etc. you absolutely did the right thing in making sure no foster kid ever goes into that abusing household.

nta i'm just going to say it, you sister is a very bad person.

nta your sister sounds horrible a foster child doesn't want need a roof over there head they need a family to love then not to be treated as a slave. you did the right thing.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this is a throw away account. while my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. i'm a 28f and i have a sister (36f) for the sake of story, i'll just call jane. jane is married to "bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. they fight as siblings do but nothing big. i love them. now for about two years, i did live with my sister. it was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. she saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. even when i managed to get a small part time job, she demanded i hand over nearly half my pay or get out. it was hell as she took completely advantage of me. i moved out as soon as i could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings. now after i moved out, she started complaining how "she has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" i babysit sometimes but i have made it clear, just cause i am off work, doesn't mean i want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. not a kid but a teenager. i pressed her for more info on this. she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. this is her logic: "i want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. they can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. they can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(she bakes and sells cookies) also babysit the kids so me and bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. i won't have to pay them at all. and then when they turn 18, i can just sign up for another foster kid! a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes." i was horrified! told her it was a horrible idea! she didn't listen to me. she went on with it anyway. about a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. she had put me down as a character witness or something like that. i immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when i lived with her. the lady thanked me. my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. she asked if i said anything and i told the truth. she went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. she has sent some angry texts. a couple family members are on her side. they think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework. so aita here?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so this is a throw away account. while my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. i'm a 28f and i have a sister (36f) for the sake of story, i'll just call jane. jane is married to "bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. they fight as siblings do but nothing big. i love them. now for about two years, i did live with my sister. it was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. she saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. even when i managed to get a small part time job, she demanded i hand over nearly half my pay or get out. it was hell as she took completely advantage of me. i moved out as soon as i could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings. now after i moved out, she started complaining how "she has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" i babysit sometimes but i have made it clear, just cause i am off work, doesn't mean i want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. not a kid but a teenager. i pressed her for more info on this. she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. this is her logic: "i want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. they can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. they can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(she bakes and sells cookies) also babysit the kids so me and bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. i won't have to pay them at all. and then when they turn 18, i can just sign up for another foster kid! a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes." i was horrified! told her it was a horrible idea! she didn't listen to me. she went on with it anyway. about a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. she had put me down as a character witness or something like that. i immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when i lived with her. the lady thanked me. my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. she asked if i said anything and i told the truth. she went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. she has sent some angry texts. a couple family members are on her side. they think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework. so aita here? [/INST] nta. you told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. it is a foster child, not a slave. </s>

AITA for deleting my friend's wedding photos in front of them?

i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/po2kd8/aita_for_deleting_my_friends_wedding_photos_in/

2021-09-14 13:15:53

nta at all. you could have risked your health and they treated you like shit.

they wanted mates rates but didn’t even save you food? nta. the dogs are much better people than these ‘friends’

nta. he told you to leave without pay and you called his bluff.

nta. they took you off the guest list for this without mentioning it to you in advance. you went in with the expectation of $250 to take high quality pictures... while also being a guest at their event (including a place to sit, eat &amp; drink) and realistically, you did nothing but follow the grooms suggestion. either continue being a photographer or forfeit your $250. what did the groom think that entailed? he would get all that work for free? play stupid games win stupid prizes. i would seriously reconsider this friendship.

nta. who refuses to allow someone water or food?

should have kept the photos and sold them for $1,000. the $750 extra is the butthead customer surcharge.

nta. that sounds horrible. i understand making rash decisions like this and then regretting them. but imo that was not an asshole move. nobody who gives ultimatums can then fault people for choosing one of the two options presented. like what kind of logic is that? groom: op you either choose 1. or 2. op: i choose 2. groom: shocked pikachu.

nta. how do people like this even exist?? didn't know becoming a photographer meant you didn't need food or water.

nta...giving a hungry person an ultimatum is a huge mistake. i hope they enjoy their memories, because the photographs aren't on the way.

nta you're my idol!!! lol. slave labor ended years ago were they trying to revive it? you should make a post explaining the situation before they get back and blame it all on you.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses. [/INST] nta at all. you could have risked your health and they treated you like shit. </s>

AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage

i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0p2ui/aita_for_making_a_scene_of_my_adult_son_and/

2021-08-08 23:03:34

nta. it sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. it's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse.

nta your son sounds like an asshole. he convinced her to become a stay at home mom so he could avoid being a dad?

nta. good on you for sticking up for your dil. your son needs a serious reality check. 3 babies and all the chores?? he’s nuts!!

no you're nta, but you're spot on in your assessment of your narcissistic, chauvinistic son. let him have his tantrum. he's treated his wife badly, and he has no remorse. someone needed to stand up for your dil and grandkids. kudos to you. your poor dil. thank goodness she has you.

nta. your son had the audacity to cancel a spa trip you paid for so he could go get drunk with his friends. how dare he. any good mum tells their kids off when disrespecting their partner, especially when they are a lazy do-nothing. you dil is doing everything for that family, and she definitely didn't deserve the humiliation of her husband dictating she can't go out because he wants to.

normally, i think a mil interfering with a marriage is a ah move. however, this is a different dynamic. you were standing up for your dil. now, you may be the ah for whatever got you banned from the bar but not for standing up for your dil

i mean, i guess we need to know exactly what was said but i’m pretty sure nta.

nta! i don’t know if this is real or not but i absolutely love it. son definitely deserved to be embarrassed and called out for treating his wife so poorly. he probably picked this behavior up from his friends. good for you for standing up for your dil. also i love your arrangement with your husband about date nights and split responsibilities, i might have to borrow this for myself

nta and, as a former dil, i want to say thank you for this. my mil was horrible (her son was an alcoholic and abused me emotionally, sexually and physically, and when i called her begging for help, she told me that as his wife he was my responsibility). there are so many stories out there of toxic mil sometimes i imagine there aren’t any good ones out there. but rn, you’re a good one.

nta - you've mentioned that she's moving in with her parents for a while to think about this, so do check in on her and continue to be supportive. let her know that you are here for her and that you will be supportive of whatever decision she makes. you did the right thing.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way [/INST] nta. it sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. it's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse. </s>

AITA for saying my babysitting rates are $35 an hour?

i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eizcvf/aita_for_saying_my_babysitting_rates_are_35_an/

2020-01-02 15:09:34

nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job.

nta. if they really wanted to go away for three days they should have arranged a sitter in advance. the husband saying you're a 24 year old girl (btw, you're a woman at 24...) and your time isn't worth anything is ridiculous considering you'd get paid $60 an hour if you don't babysit their kids. the husband sounds like a sexist dick. plus you told them you wouldn't babysit if they couldn't approach your rate. you probably should have just said no from the start but you did inform them that it would be expensive. don't worry about it too much.

nta &gt;and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i would have bowed out immediately and told her to have fun dealing with no options. &gt;her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. yes, what a stupid girl you are for knowing what your time is worth 🙄

$35 an hour for watching the 3 kids? where were you when my three kids needed babysitting? my wife and i hardly went out and never for very long because we were being charged $20 per hour per kid. nta, op. it's your time and you charge what you think your time is worth. it's up to the customer to decide if they agree or if they think they can get the same service for less somewhere else.

nta. a. if they need a babysitter that badly they should've arranged for one in advance. b. you're being asked to baby sit three kids. three kids is a lot of work, $15 sounds kinda absurd to me. c. you have your own life and an actual job that you would be neglecting (or free lance at least) that is worth almost double that amount. d. the only offensive ones are your cousin and husband who started calling you names when you didn't bend to their will.

nta you're a "stupid little girl" who pulls $60/hour freelancing. i just started salesforce training and i'd be happy to make half that freelancing. good for you!

nta. she offered to pay you, you named your price, she didn’t like it. maybe she expected a discount. i would have gone with nah except you actually named a price that isn’t outside the norm compared to the going rates in my area. the general rule used to be $15 an hour for one kid, $20 an hour for 2 kids, but she has three young ones. when i had 3 younger kids i was quoted $30 an hour.

nta if your mom and husband are so bothered by it, why arent they babysitting?

nta, because asking someone who is also on vacation to watch your kids for 3 days is kind of shitty. an evening, sure, but 3 whole days is crazy.

nta your time, your rates to anyone saying "it's not fair to charge that much" - the price is the price, nobody owes you cheap child care (especially during the holidays at the last minute for several days) - honestly $60 seems reasonable to me, $20 per brat per hour. don't like it? find someone else or maybe spend your holidays with your own damn kids instead of foisting them off on others.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number? [/INST] nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job. </s>

AITA for making fun of a white girl for being poor because she was being racist?

i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icmq68/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_white_girl_for_being/

2020-08-19 12:31:22

nta, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop.

nta in my opinion. i was made fun of for being gay as a kid, and developed a sharp tongue by way of defense. i would often get in trouble for making kids cry, even though i was defending just myself. just be careful how you hurt people and recognize that you have power and yield it with responsibility.

your last sentence answered your own question. 1. it apparently worked, so who cares. 2. burning bridges on your way out can be fun.

nta girl “ you’re a *slur* do you eat bats?” *roar of laughter* you “you’re poor” “omg she can’t control that” “meany”

nta it seems like you put up with a lot, i’m sorry. while you clearly know it’s not good to stoop to a bullies level, this girl had it coming after all the nasty shit she said. people can only tolerate so much abuse before lashing out, maybe she’ll learn that. at least she’s left you alone and you’re switching schools. also your school is ta for not taking her behaviour more seriously.

technically it‘d be everybody sucks because you know “she started it“ doesn’t make anyone look good but i can’t say i blame you for reacting this way. you tried solving it the right way, it didn’t work, so even though you were *an* ah too, you‘re still nta in this moment.

nta serves that bully right. she shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it. i agree that you shouldn’t make fun someone for something they can’t change, but some people can’t see how painful it is until they experience it themselves.

nta yeah two wrongs dont make a right but this was the only way to get her to stfu. don’t dish stuff out if you can’t take stuff back

if racist you be, get no sympathy from me

nta. i see the esh comments and i don't think you were being racist, because: 1. you specifically pointed out her condition. you were mean, yes, but that was a response to the racism you were experiencing. 2. poor white people may not understand the concept of privilege but they are, ultimately, white. a poor white person often refuses to acknowledge the struggles of a person of color while crying hoarse about how they've been struggling all their life (that's not to say their struggles are not important but acknowledgement of the other is absent). in general, they don't seem to show ally-ship and have shown little or no empathy. some sets of stereotypes get more shit than others, that is a social-scientific fact (which is why intersectionality in social issues is important). your school is the biggest ah for dropping the complaint. is there a higher authority you can go to?

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways. [/INST] nta, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop. </s>