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AITA for walking out of a job interview?

around this time last year, i was in the job hunt and was looking at tech sales positions in my area. i’d been in this career about ten years, and had been recently laid off. i was granted an interview at a relatively large startup downtown, and after the initial phone screen, i did my research and went on site for my in-person interview. admittedly, i got there about 25 minutes early, which was pushing obnoxious, but nobody was at the front desk. so i signed in using the ipad, took a seat, and waited. i waited until the time of the interview, got up, looked around, and started trying to get the attention of people walking around, as nobody had acknowledged me to this point. at 15 minutes past the interview scheduled time, a lady came into the lobby and asked what i was there for. i let her know i had an interview scheduled for 15 minutes ago. she asked me to hold on and went back into the office, and a few minutes later, came back with an agenda with materials laid out about the company. the agenda confirmed that were were supposed to have already started, and that i had two interviewers in the next two 30-minute blocks. a new person came over and sat me in a room and told me to read over the materials to get familiar. i did this for 45 minutes, and when the vp of sales didn’t show up to interview me, i got pissed, stood up, and left. i found my way to the front desk and told the person who was not there before and had likely no idea who i was that i was ending my interview, and to have a great day. about 15 minutes later, i got a frantic call from the recruiter saying the vp was looking for me and that they wanted to start my interview. i answered that if they weren’t willing to respect my time, then i knew all i needed to know about what working there would be like. i told several folks this story, and it’s been a 50/50 on whether or not i did the right thing, or that i don’t know the circumstances and that i could have stuck around and at least interviewed and let them know later on. aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gqayhg/aita_for_walking_out_of_a_job_interview/

2020-05-25 13:28:04

nta from the sounds of it, they were 1 hr+ late and didn't offer any reason to you while you were there. that's an enormous red flag.

nta- the interview goes both ways. if they aren’t organized enough now or they don’t respect your time you can’t expect much different once you’re hired.

if the roles were reversed i gurantee you they wouldn't even interview you. job interviews go both ways, nta op.

nta. extremely unprofessional of them. even if it was an honest mix up or something, they were at fault and no way in hell you should have waited around any longer. you probably taught them a lesson (hopefully) and avoided an awful workplace. if they were a decent company they would have ringed you the next day after figuring it out and tried to rebook the interview with their deepest apologies, but i reckon that didn't happen.

yeah, i ended up taking a job at a nonprofit. thanks!

nta- i would have expected to say 'there's been an emergency and vp is running behind but will be with you shortly" not just left you sitting waiting. totally rude to waste your time without an apology.

nta. red flags even before you start working.

nta. when i interview people, i am acutely aware that i am representing my company and as such, it’s as much my job to impress candidates as it is theirs to impress me. the way that company treated you was inexcusable. interviewers showing up an hour late tells me that upper management doesn’t value the time or efforts of their reports. the fact that they were searching desperately for you but never called you directly to offer an apology tells me that they would try to gaslight their way through mistakes and would try to shift blame anywhere but themselves. you did exactly the right thing, op. let them hire folks who don’t know any better, because you’re better off nearly anywhere else.

nta - i once had a strange interview like this except i was dumb enough to stick around for the interview, i went into a tiny box room with the two founders and when they revealed they expected me to work for free for the first two months, i stopped suppressing that dodgy weatherspoons curry i had for lunch, lifted my ass up and let the unholy fart unleash and they looked at me in shock and i said "sorry i was holding that in just in case i was interested" i then walked out and closed the door behind me leaving them in that stench.

so, to answer the initial question: the recruiter scheduled a follow up call with me a few days later to apologize and explain that they were having a busy quarter. i ended up telling her that my issue wasn’t largely with her (though a small part of it was), but rather with the vp who presumably wants to add me to their team, but couldn’t be bothered to pop his head in and say he’s running late. in fact, neither of my interviewees showed up. i also let her know that the fact that he didn’t apologize himself but was using her to do it said volumes. i wished her well.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

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NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: around this time last year, i was in the job hunt and was looking at tech sales positions in my area. i’d been in this career about ten years, and had been recently laid off. i was granted an interview at a relatively large startup downtown, and after the initial phone screen, i did my research and went on site for my in-person interview. admittedly, i got there about 25 minutes early, which was pushing obnoxious, but nobody was at the front desk. so i signed in using the ipad, took a seat, and waited. i waited until the time of the interview, got up, looked around, and started trying to get the attention of people walking around, as nobody had acknowledged me to this point. at 15 minutes past the interview scheduled time, a lady came into the lobby and asked what i was there for. i let her know i had an interview scheduled for 15 minutes ago. she asked me to hold on and went back into the office, and a few minutes later, came back with an agenda with materials laid out about the company. the agenda confirmed that were were supposed to have already started, and that i had two interviewers in the next two 30-minute blocks. a new person came over and sat me in a room and told me to read over the materials to get familiar. i did this for 45 minutes, and when the vp of sales didn’t show up to interview me, i got pissed, stood up, and left. i found my way to the front desk and told the person who was not there before and had likely no idea who i was that i was ending my interview, and to have a great day. about 15 minutes later, i got a frantic call from the recruiter saying the vp was looking for me and that they wanted to start my interview. i answered that if they weren’t willing to respect my time, then i knew all i needed to know about what working there would be like. i told several folks this story, and it’s been a 50/50 on whether or not i did the right thing, or that i don’t know the circumstances and that i could have stuck around and at least interviewed and let them know later on. aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> around this time last year, i was in the job hunt and was looking at tech sales positions in my area. i’d been in this career about ten years, and had been recently laid off. i was granted an interview at a relatively large startup downtown, and after the initial phone screen, i did my research and went on site for my in-person interview. admittedly, i got there about 25 minutes early, which was pushing obnoxious, but nobody was at the front desk. so i signed in using the ipad, took a seat, and waited. i waited until the time of the interview, got up, looked around, and started trying to get the attention of people walking around, as nobody had acknowledged me to this point. at 15 minutes past the interview scheduled time, a lady came into the lobby and asked what i was there for. i let her know i had an interview scheduled for 15 minutes ago. she asked me to hold on and went back into the office, and a few minutes later, came back with an agenda with materials laid out about the company. the agenda confirmed that were were supposed to have already started, and that i had two interviewers in the next two 30-minute blocks. a new person came over and sat me in a room and told me to read over the materials to get familiar. i did this for 45 minutes, and when the vp of sales didn’t show up to interview me, i got pissed, stood up, and left. i found my way to the front desk and told the person who was not there before and had likely no idea who i was that i was ending my interview, and to have a great day. about 15 minutes later, i got a frantic call from the recruiter saying the vp was looking for me and that they wanted to start my interview. i answered that if they weren’t willing to respect my time, then i knew all i needed to know about what working there would be like. i told several folks this story, and it’s been a 50/50 on whether or not i did the right thing, or that i don’t know the circumstances and that i could have stuck around and at least interviewed and let them know later on. aita? [/INST] nta from the sounds of it, they were 1 hr+ late and didn't offer any reason to you while you were there. that's an enormous red flag. </s>

AITA for crashing my wife’s birthday party and taking her home.

my wife turned 30 this week. i’m 26m. we’ve always had a strong relationship and i love her so much. my wife has a best friend from childhood jimmy 28m. i didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. he’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways. my wife goes all out for my birthday parties and i love them. she’s more of a stoic introvert so i thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her and me and make it a special event. i wanted to make her a gift she would love. jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months i’ve been taking lessons from them. my wife was curious why i was spending so much time away from home with jimmy but i made vague excuses because i couldn’t tell her i was making a gift for her. she’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset. i told her a week before her birthday that i had made plans with jimmy. i have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. she wasn’t upset or anything. when her birthday came, it was all i could do not to say anything. when she left for work, i put my plan in action. i decorated the place. i brought out the cake. i learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. i got a dozen bouquets of flowers. i got her a few other gifts too. she was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. i waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. i called jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. i called her and she didn’t pick up. i checked her location and she was at a restaurant. i went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. they were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. i never met these friends of hers before. i think they’re from her work. she seemed sad. she wasn’t smiling or energetic. i wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. i came over to her and told her she had to come home. we grabbed her things and left. on the uber back, she didn’t say anything. at home she started crying. she has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. my wife hasn’t talked to jimmy either. i told my mom and she called me an asshole. i don’t know why. aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4o1sz/aita_for_crashing_my_wifes_birthday_party_and/

2022-11-25 21:00:16

yta. you didn’t use the critical piece of surprise party planning where you have her home at a certain time for a “good reason”. you just made it look like you were blowing her off, and she made other plans. you honestly just made it look like you remembered her birthday at the last minute and went overboard to try to make up for it. and instead of apologizing, you forced her to appreciate your thoughtfulness.

yta. you told her you had plans on her birthday and she made her own plans. when you plan a surprise, it’s on you to make sure the person will be available. the plans she made with her friends were not less important that your poorly executed surprise.

yta. you shouldn't be interrupting you wife's dinner for your awful execution of her birthday surprise. you also seem really hung up on the fact she went out which is odd to me. perhaps the dinner plans only materlised that day. friend: "hey op's wife, what are you doing for your birthday tonight?" op's wife: "nothing - i think my husband forgot" friend: "no no no, you aren't doing nothing for your birthday - we are going to get dinner" maybe your wife looked sad at dinner becuase she thought her husband didn't do anything for her birthday.

yta. you tried to do something nice, but you went about it the wrong way. surprises are often a bad idea. this is a case and point. you told your wife you wouldn’t be free on her birthday, so she made other plans. you embarrassed her in front of her friends, friends who had taken her out for her birthday. of course she is upset.

yta you’ve been sneaking around and giving her vague half-@ssed excuses about where you go. the day of her birthday you tell her you have plans and will be busy… so she makes plans on her own, goes and tries to celebrate her bday anyway because you’ve been acting distant and aloof. then you crash that and drag her away? the “surprise” wasn’t for her - it was about you. “look what i did! look how awesome i am!” you made her feel like crap, for weeks, then on her birthday made her feel even worse.

what is actually wrong with you? people were celebrating her birthday and you dragged her away?

wow… you *tracked her* when she didn’t answer you and then you *forced her to go home with you*. you sound insecure at best and fucking abusive at worst. absolutely yta. editing to add based on your constant “she doesn’t go out ever, she doesn’t have any other friends, why would she have friends i haven’t met, why would i have to ask her to come straight home” makes me lean even more towards you are probably controlling and she is trying to find a fucking way out. i hope she does and you realize that not communicating with your partner isn’t *romantic*, it is fucked up. editing to add the tracking isn’t out of the ordinary in relationships. what is concerning to me is that he was tracking her when she was avoiding him. she didn’t want to answer his calls or texts at the moment so she almost certainly didn’t want him *showing up because he tracked her location*.

yta i'm guessing she thought you forgot and that jimmy did too, so her other friends or maybe her work friends took her out to try and cheer her up. i get you planned something very special for her, but in the future you need to at least say something like "don't make plans, we already have some but i can't tell you what". in your wife's eyes both you and her best friend totally forgot about her special day, by the way 30 or any 10 year is considered a milestone. please apologize and tell her how much you love her, that next time you will let her know that there are at least plans, even if you can't give details. i personally know what it's like to feel forgotten, but the end of the day when my hubby didn't acknowledge or my best friend because they had planned a surprise party my mood was 100% ruined as i thought they had forgotten. please, please, please communicate better. again you don't have to tell her details, just let her know that there are at least plans and make sure to wish her happy birthday immediately on her birthday.

info: why didn’t you just join the group at the restaurant? and tell her there is a surprise at home when she’s ready? did you say anything in the uber? did she see the flowers/decor and not say anything? how many days ago was this, and why haven’t you apologized for not communicating adequately yet?

yta. i hate surprise birthdays where the main message is “i’ve forgotten your birthday” you can do surprises without that part. i don’t know why people get such a boner for purposely hurting there loved ones before making them happy.

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

INFO

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife turned 30 this week. i’m 26m. we’ve always had a strong relationship and i love her so much. my wife has a best friend from childhood jimmy 28m. i didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. he’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways. my wife goes all out for my birthday parties and i love them. she’s more of a stoic introvert so i thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her and me and make it a special event. i wanted to make her a gift she would love. jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months i’ve been taking lessons from them. my wife was curious why i was spending so much time away from home with jimmy but i made vague excuses because i couldn’t tell her i was making a gift for her. she’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset. i told her a week before her birthday that i had made plans with jimmy. i have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. she wasn’t upset or anything. when her birthday came, it was all i could do not to say anything. when she left for work, i put my plan in action. i decorated the place. i brought out the cake. i learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. i got a dozen bouquets of flowers. i got her a few other gifts too. she was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. i waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. i called jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. i called her and she didn’t pick up. i checked her location and she was at a restaurant. i went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. they were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. i never met these friends of hers before. i think they’re from her work. she seemed sad. she wasn’t smiling or energetic. i wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. i came over to her and told her she had to come home. we grabbed her things and left. on the uber back, she didn’t say anything. at home she started crying. she has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. my wife hasn’t talked to jimmy either. i told my mom and she called me an asshole. i don’t know why. aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife turned 30 this week. i’m 26m. we’ve always had a strong relationship and i love her so much. my wife has a best friend from childhood jimmy 28m. i didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. he’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways. my wife goes all out for my birthday parties and i love them. she’s more of a stoic introvert so i thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her and me and make it a special event. i wanted to make her a gift she would love. jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months i’ve been taking lessons from them. my wife was curious why i was spending so much time away from home with jimmy but i made vague excuses because i couldn’t tell her i was making a gift for her. she’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset. i told her a week before her birthday that i had made plans with jimmy. i have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. she wasn’t upset or anything. when her birthday came, it was all i could do not to say anything. when she left for work, i put my plan in action. i decorated the place. i brought out the cake. i learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. i got a dozen bouquets of flowers. i got her a few other gifts too. she was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. i waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. i called jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. i called her and she didn’t pick up. i checked her location and she was at a restaurant. i went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. they were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. i never met these friends of hers before. i think they’re from her work. she seemed sad. she wasn’t smiling or energetic. i wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. i came over to her and told her she had to come home. we grabbed her things and left. on the uber back, she didn’t say anything. at home she started crying. she has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. my wife hasn’t talked to jimmy either. i told my mom and she called me an asshole. i don’t know why. aita? [/INST] yta. you didn’t use the critical piece of surprise party planning where you have her home at a certain time for a “good reason”. you just made it look like you were blowing her off, and she made other plans. you honestly just made it look like you remembered her birthday at the last minute and went overboard to try to make up for it. and instead of apologizing, you forced her to appreciate your thoughtfulness. </s>

AITA for bringing a really sassy doctor's note to school for a medical excemption?

so my school made this dumb rule that nobody can have a water or drink bottle with them because a couple seniors got caught drinking vodka at school. the only exception is if you have a form signed by your doctor saying there's a medical reason you need it. and carry the note with you whenever you have a water bottle so you can show it to teachers or administration. now, my doctor who i have my yearly checkup with is also one of my mom's best friends, and last week she and her daughter were coming around to hang out with our family. i was telling her and my mom about the school rule and they thought it was silly too. my doctor was talking about how unhealthy it was to not let kids drink water all day, and sell them sugary sodas at lunch i asked if she'd sign a doctor's note allowing me a water bottle and she said od course. so i printed out the form and she signed it. there was a section saying to describe the medical need and she wrote "water is necessary for life" which my mom thought was funny but also thought might get the note rejected, like it was obviously meant for specific medical conditions or disabilities. but she said that if anyone had a problem with it, to have them call her and they'd get a piece of her mind. so i took the note to school and a bunch of teachers told me i couldn't have a water bottle and i said i had a note. most of them didn't read it closely enough to see the reson but out of the two that did, one laughed about it and asked if it was real. i said it was, she could call the number on the form. she seemed satisfied. the other teacher threatened to take the note away, saying medical exemptions were not a joke, it was a disrespectful thing to do, disrespectful to the school's rules and disrespectful to people who had an actual medical need, to treat it as a joke. i know my doctor hadn't meant it as a joke about actual medical problems... aita for bringing a sassy doctor's note to school? it said my medical need to be allowed to have a water bottle was "water is necessary for life"

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1v41u/aita_for_bringing_a_really_sassy_doctors_note_to/

2020-02-10 19:08:54

nta - water is a human right. screw your school.

nta she’s right, it’s vital for life, the school shouldn’t let those that were drinking vodka ruin it for everyone else especially since being hydrated allows your brain to work properly. do they expect a bunch of dehydrated kids to learn any info when their brains are malnourished?

nta &gt;saying medical exemptions were not a joke, it was a disrespectful thing to do, disrespectful to the school's rules and disrespectful to people who had an actual medical need, to treat it as a joke. making a kid go all day without drinking water is a joke, water is an actual "medical" need for every human ever. the other teacher can fuck right off.

nta &gt; it was a disrespectful thing to do, disrespectful to the school's rules and disrespectful to people who had an actual medical need and this teacher is acting disrespectful toward your doctor and your medical exemption. after all, there was no lie there.

nta. you school sound alike it's run by a bunch of dumbasses. not letting students drink water can lead to dehydration making it more difficult for you to learn besides all the other bad stuff that comes with dehydration. this is a horrible thing for your school to do to its students, you should leak this info to your local news.

nta. it continually amazes me that public institutions in the u.s. are allowed to treat children less well than the geneva convention allows the government to treat prisoners of war. i get that kids can be little assholes at times, but that doesn't excuse schools treating the children under their care as some kind of hostile legion of combatants. the shit i hear--not letting students have water, not letting them go to the bathroom during class or giving them enough time to use the bathroom between classes, throwing away hot lunches in front of them because their school lunch account is empty, etc.--absolutely blows me away. i've heard so many stories of students at all grade levels literally pissing themselves in class because their power-tripping teachers won't let them use the bathroom. banning water bottles because of hysterics around controlled substances just reeks of the eight-o'clock-news fabrications along the lines of "are *your* children getting high off soup cans?!" the whole thing is absurd. all that to say: fight the power, kid. drink your water while maintaining sarcastic eye contact with your teacher, and enjoy every drop.

stfu you know you're not the asshole

nta. that policy is absolutely ridiculous. students are human beings too. hope that one teacher tries to take a different student’s note and gets in massive trouble

nta. that is so stupid. tell that teacher to call the number on your slip. let her enjoy a good scolding by a medical professional.

nta they can’t tell you you can’t drink water, especially if you have a doctors note. also you can put vodka (or any alcohol) in soda too sooo

NTA

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NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my school made this dumb rule that nobody can have a water or drink bottle with them because a couple seniors got caught drinking vodka at school. the only exception is if you have a form signed by your doctor saying there's a medical reason you need it. and carry the note with you whenever you have a water bottle so you can show it to teachers or administration. now, my doctor who i have my yearly checkup with is also one of my mom's best friends, and last week she and her daughter were coming around to hang out with our family. i was telling her and my mom about the school rule and they thought it was silly too. my doctor was talking about how unhealthy it was to not let kids drink water all day, and sell them sugary sodas at lunch i asked if she'd sign a doctor's note allowing me a water bottle and she said od course. so i printed out the form and she signed it. there was a section saying to describe the medical need and she wrote "water is necessary for life" which my mom thought was funny but also thought might get the note rejected, like it was obviously meant for specific medical conditions or disabilities. but she said that if anyone had a problem with it, to have them call her and they'd get a piece of her mind. so i took the note to school and a bunch of teachers told me i couldn't have a water bottle and i said i had a note. most of them didn't read it closely enough to see the reson but out of the two that did, one laughed about it and asked if it was real. i said it was, she could call the number on the form. she seemed satisfied. the other teacher threatened to take the note away, saying medical exemptions were not a joke, it was a disrespectful thing to do, disrespectful to the school's rules and disrespectful to people who had an actual medical need, to treat it as a joke. i know my doctor hadn't meant it as a joke about actual medical problems... aita for bringing a sassy doctor's note to school? it said my medical need to be allowed to have a water bottle was "water is necessary for life"

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so my school made this dumb rule that nobody can have a water or drink bottle with them because a couple seniors got caught drinking vodka at school. the only exception is if you have a form signed by your doctor saying there's a medical reason you need it. and carry the note with you whenever you have a water bottle so you can show it to teachers or administration. now, my doctor who i have my yearly checkup with is also one of my mom's best friends, and last week she and her daughter were coming around to hang out with our family. i was telling her and my mom about the school rule and they thought it was silly too. my doctor was talking about how unhealthy it was to not let kids drink water all day, and sell them sugary sodas at lunch i asked if she'd sign a doctor's note allowing me a water bottle and she said od course. so i printed out the form and she signed it. there was a section saying to describe the medical need and she wrote "water is necessary for life" which my mom thought was funny but also thought might get the note rejected, like it was obviously meant for specific medical conditions or disabilities. but she said that if anyone had a problem with it, to have them call her and they'd get a piece of her mind. so i took the note to school and a bunch of teachers told me i couldn't have a water bottle and i said i had a note. most of them didn't read it closely enough to see the reson but out of the two that did, one laughed about it and asked if it was real. i said it was, she could call the number on the form. she seemed satisfied. the other teacher threatened to take the note away, saying medical exemptions were not a joke, it was a disrespectful thing to do, disrespectful to the school's rules and disrespectful to people who had an actual medical need, to treat it as a joke. i know my doctor hadn't meant it as a joke about actual medical problems... aita for bringing a sassy doctor's note to school? it said my medical need to be allowed to have a water bottle was "water is necessary for life" [/INST] nta - water is a human right. screw your school. </s>

AITA for telling the judge of a scholarship competition that if she already knew who she wanted to win, to cut the crap and just let us all go home?

i'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. the prize was some scholarship money for college. our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. i know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, i saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier. it was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. it was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite?? it was my turn but i'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! not paying attention. i felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. and that frustrated me, i'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, i knew she wouldn't even be listening. so i went up and said "look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? i'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking." she sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. my teacher sent me to the principal's office. the girl i expected to win, won... no surprise there. but i felt good i'd at least said something. a bunch of my friends in class said i was totally right when i called out that bs, and we all knew it, i wasn't saying anything we didn't all see. my principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like i was taking my college apps seriously and i said that i didn't think i'd be going to college, i got stuck with debt already and i'm gonna need a job right away this spring. anyway i got detention aita for saying what i did instead of doing my final presentation for the project?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f0rue1/aita_for_telling_the_judge_of_a_scholarship/

2020-02-08 13:53:24

nta. this judge was not impartial and should not have been a judge in the first place. the fact that the school did not address that is an issue.

nta. i'd see if there's a dispute process. it's obvious that this person should not have been judging this competition.

wtf is this country where we make children perform like show ponies to compete over meager sums of money to avoid generating crippling debt by continuing their education...

nta. but it sounds like you could have told her your opinion and still given the presentation.

hey, fyi, if she picked the person without giving good attention to the others and obviously picked who it was from personal favoritism... that's taxable. that's a gift. i'd go to the organization she's from and report what happened and also let them know that if there wasn't a proper look into why the judge wasn't an impartial 3rd party then you'll report the abuse for tax fraud. how do i know this? my mom was on a community board that helped with scholarships. we agreed that i wouldn't apply to those scholarships unless i was super qualified and that she stepped down from judging that year. and they gave fake names to everyone's essays. i didn't win. i got other scholarships so that's ok. my family is really involved with scholarships from the local suburbia women's society (aka old stay at home moms - they actually do really great social projects such as raising $100k to update the local park and bought instruments for the high school band). they also helped raise over $400k this year for the children's hospital (but many groups were involved with that one, so not entirely from them). the entire group takes it very seriously is it looks like there's impartiality.

nta you called out an unfair situation and you should take it further

info was she the only judge?

nta this is why you need several judges

nta - you’re my hero.

nta- a judge should be completely neutral and respectful of everyone's efforts, and she was neither. you were right to call her out and well done for doing so- everyone was thinking it, you were just brave enough to say it.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

INFO

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. the prize was some scholarship money for college. our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. i know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, i saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier. it was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. it was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite?? it was my turn but i'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! not paying attention. i felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. and that frustrated me, i'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, i knew she wouldn't even be listening. so i went up and said "look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? i'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking." she sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. my teacher sent me to the principal's office. the girl i expected to win, won... no surprise there. but i felt good i'd at least said something. a bunch of my friends in class said i was totally right when i called out that bs, and we all knew it, i wasn't saying anything we didn't all see. my principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like i was taking my college apps seriously and i said that i didn't think i'd be going to college, i got stuck with debt already and i'm gonna need a job right away this spring. anyway i got detention aita for saying what i did instead of doing my final presentation for the project?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. the prize was some scholarship money for college. our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. i know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, i saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier. it was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. it was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite?? it was my turn but i'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! not paying attention. i felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. and that frustrated me, i'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, i knew she wouldn't even be listening. so i went up and said "look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? i'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking." she sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. my teacher sent me to the principal's office. the girl i expected to win, won... no surprise there. but i felt good i'd at least said something. a bunch of my friends in class said i was totally right when i called out that bs, and we all knew it, i wasn't saying anything we didn't all see. my principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like i was taking my college apps seriously and i said that i didn't think i'd be going to college, i got stuck with debt already and i'm gonna need a job right away this spring. anyway i got detention aita for saying what i did instead of doing my final presentation for the project? [/INST] nta. this judge was not impartial and should not have been a judge in the first place. the fact that the school did not address that is an issue. </s>

AITA for not paying for my siblings to go to uni?

i'm 29f, my siblings are 19f, 19f(twins) and 17m. about a year ago i won a rather large amount of money. since then i paid off my mortgage, bought a rental home, paid for my parents to spent 2 months on holiday, paid off their mortgage and bought each of my younger siblings either a car or(in the case of my brother) a motorbike. i have recently started planning my wedding to my partner of 4 years. originally we were going to have a very low budget wedding because neither of us were particularly wealthy and have little financial support from our parents(hers are homophobic and mine are just not well off enough to spend money on a wedding), but now we plan on having a slightly bigger wedding. however during these discussions my mother has been getting increasingly upset at the amount im spending(wedding will be around 40-50k all up including honeymoon and partner is contributing 12k, so its not like we're spending an astronomical amount), and has repeatedly suggested that we stick to our low budget plans and give money to her for my siblings college funds instead. these comments have been confusing me because she has told me in the past that she got 20k when i was born to put towards my college fund from her parents and then 10k for each of my siblings. i got though college on scholarships and my part time job so presumably she has 50k already for my siblings college fund. this came to a head about a week ago when she came with me to go to my fitting for my wedding dress and she saw the price tag($3k), she had a complete meltdown in the store about me wasting money and how she needed it and i confronted her about the college fund. she admitted that she and my dad had spent the money on trips away, alcohol and gambling a d now there was almost nothing left. i said if she wasted 50k meant for her children's college funds then why should i give her any more? at this point she stormed out after throwing her glass of wine on my dress(that cost $300 to clean) and has since said that she's not coming to my wedding and will stop my dad/siblings from coming. aita here?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmryph/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_siblings_to_go_to_uni/

2020-07-07 10:21:14

nta. it's in no way your fault or responsibility that your mother squandered her own children's college fund. if you want to help your siblings through college it should be at your discretion and not at her demand.

nta - she's toxic. it's money for your future you've already done more than enough for your family. you bothers can work hard and get a solarship or do what most do take out loans and work. if you let then ride your coattails you won't be helping them in the long run.

very much nta. in fact, your mother seems ta here. she waisted your siblings' college funds on booze, trips, and gambling. if it were for keeping them fed or a roof over their heads, that would be different, but it was for cheep fun and thrills. you are in the right here and it is reasonable to deny her any money, especially after you already have given her so much. now, if your siblings come to you for college help, i would not deny them outright, but come up with a plan with them. clearly, you are more financially stable than your parents so at least hear them out. also, suggestion, community college? i'm in one right now and it's just as good as the first 2 years at a university, well, depending on which one you go to.

nta. if their house is paid off, they can use that as equity to take out a loan to repay their debt to your siblings. if you’re feeling generous, provide tuition money directly to your siblings. your parents clearly can’t manage finances.

nta it's your money to do with as you please, if you decide to collect it all in cash and use for a camp fire that's your choice, no one has any say to what you use it for. give the money to her and she's 100% going to gamble it away, your folks obviously have a gambling addiction. the fact she's trying to manipulate you by saying that you're spending too much money on your wedding, shows she's isn't even considering you in any way or fashion, all she see is the money she could be spending. don't let her rob you of your desired wedding. if you do decide to assist your siblings with their college fees, handle the expenses directly, don't even give your siblings the money cause your parents might find a way to collect it from them.

nta she didn't want the money for your siblings, she wanted it for herself.

you won a chunk of money and with it paid off their mortgage and sent them on a 2 month vacation? that is an extreme level of generosity. plus the vehicles on top of it for your siblings? sooooooo nta. you have every right to spend your money the way that you see fit. period. the fact that your parents squandered your siblings college money and then took a sizeable amount of gift money from you and then demanded that you fork over even more money is the height of selfishness. they screwed your siblings over, not you. and your mother trying to shift the blame is pathetic. if you help your siblings, it is your choice. and it's a hard choice. you and your partner need to sit down and hash this out to prevent any future resentments or regrets on either side. but whatever decision you make won't be wrong. again, your parents are greedy, dishonest and irresponsible. they caused this massive issue, dumped it in your lap and are trying to make you the bad guy to deflect. then they had an opportunity to funnel the money coming to them back into the college fund but choose to take care of themselves first, again. the balls, on your mother at least, are astounding. nta.

nta you've been very generous and she's being extremely pushy. you already bought all your siblings cars which will help them support themselves through college, and paid off your parents debts. it's your money and you can do whatever you want, including having a nice wedding. even if you do change your mind later and help your siblings, don't give the money to her, give it directly to them. she's proven she can't be trusted with it.

[deleted]

nta, but i think this is fake. she spent the college fund on alcohol? seriously? that’s a grocery item that you would not withdraw from a college fund to buy. it all just sounds too stereotypical, like it’s being written by a 15 year old kid.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 29f, my siblings are 19f, 19f(twins) and 17m. about a year ago i won a rather large amount of money. since then i paid off my mortgage, bought a rental home, paid for my parents to spent 2 months on holiday, paid off their mortgage and bought each of my younger siblings either a car or(in the case of my brother) a motorbike. i have recently started planning my wedding to my partner of 4 years. originally we were going to have a very low budget wedding because neither of us were particularly wealthy and have little financial support from our parents(hers are homophobic and mine are just not well off enough to spend money on a wedding), but now we plan on having a slightly bigger wedding. however during these discussions my mother has been getting increasingly upset at the amount im spending(wedding will be around 40-50k all up including honeymoon and partner is contributing 12k, so its not like we're spending an astronomical amount), and has repeatedly suggested that we stick to our low budget plans and give money to her for my siblings college funds instead. these comments have been confusing me because she has told me in the past that she got 20k when i was born to put towards my college fund from her parents and then 10k for each of my siblings. i got though college on scholarships and my part time job so presumably she has 50k already for my siblings college fund. this came to a head about a week ago when she came with me to go to my fitting for my wedding dress and she saw the price tag($3k), she had a complete meltdown in the store about me wasting money and how she needed it and i confronted her about the college fund. she admitted that she and my dad had spent the money on trips away, alcohol and gambling a d now there was almost nothing left. i said if she wasted 50k meant for her children's college funds then why should i give her any more? at this point she stormed out after throwing her glass of wine on my dress(that cost $300 to clean) and has since said that she's not coming to my wedding and will stop my dad/siblings from coming. aita here?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 29f, my siblings are 19f, 19f(twins) and 17m. about a year ago i won a rather large amount of money. since then i paid off my mortgage, bought a rental home, paid for my parents to spent 2 months on holiday, paid off their mortgage and bought each of my younger siblings either a car or(in the case of my brother) a motorbike. i have recently started planning my wedding to my partner of 4 years. originally we were going to have a very low budget wedding because neither of us were particularly wealthy and have little financial support from our parents(hers are homophobic and mine are just not well off enough to spend money on a wedding), but now we plan on having a slightly bigger wedding. however during these discussions my mother has been getting increasingly upset at the amount im spending(wedding will be around 40-50k all up including honeymoon and partner is contributing 12k, so its not like we're spending an astronomical amount), and has repeatedly suggested that we stick to our low budget plans and give money to her for my siblings college funds instead. these comments have been confusing me because she has told me in the past that she got 20k when i was born to put towards my college fund from her parents and then 10k for each of my siblings. i got though college on scholarships and my part time job so presumably she has 50k already for my siblings college fund. this came to a head about a week ago when she came with me to go to my fitting for my wedding dress and she saw the price tag($3k), she had a complete meltdown in the store about me wasting money and how she needed it and i confronted her about the college fund. she admitted that she and my dad had spent the money on trips away, alcohol and gambling a d now there was almost nothing left. i said if she wasted 50k meant for her children's college funds then why should i give her any more? at this point she stormed out after throwing her glass of wine on my dress(that cost $300 to clean) and has since said that she's not coming to my wedding and will stop my dad/siblings from coming. aita here? [/INST] nta. it's in no way your fault or responsibility that your mother squandered her own children's college fund. if you want to help your siblings through college it should be at your discretion and not at her demand. </s>

AITA For not telling my BF about strippers at a bachelorette party

my bf and i have been together for almost 4 years. we met in college, started dating our junior year and are part of the same friend group. a couple friends of ours were supposed to get married last summer, but had to delay it to this year. we are both in the wedding party and were invited to the bachelor/bachelorette parties. during the planning for the bachelor party, my bf told me that the best man wanted to go to a strip club and the groom got the go-ahead from the bride. i am very uncomfortable with strip clubs, just always have been. i am not trying to shame sex workers in any way, but strip clubs just always grossed me out. i told my bf this and told him i would feel much better if he didn't participate in that part of the bachelor party. i wasn't going to tell him he can't go to the party at all, just that when other people go to a strip club, that he finds something else to do. we kind of got into a fight about it because he was worried that he would be the only one not going to the club and would therefore be alone at a bar or have to leave altogether if the rest of the party wanted to stay there for a long time. i understand that part, but i was pretty firm that i didn't want him to go to the club part of it and he eventually relented. the parties were scheduled for the same weekend and the bachelorette party got a hotel suite for the night. well, it turns out that the maid of honor hired a couple of male strippers to come to the room for a private show. i wasn't really comfortable with it and tried to leave, but the rest of the girls pretty much made me stay. after the parties, i asked my bf how the bachelor party went and he pretty much just said it was fun and that he hung out at a bar with another couple guys while the rest went to a strip club for an hour or so. he asked how my party went and i told him it was fun, but didn't mention the male strippers. i don't know why i didn't tell him, i just didn't. at the wedding reception a couple weeks later, i was talking with some people and noticed my bf talking with a group of people in the wedding party across the room and they were all laughing except my bf. i keep looking at them and eventually my bf looks at me and he's just staring daggers at me. like, i have never seen him look at me like that before and i felt really uncomfortable. he was really cold with me the rest of the night and he ended up getting pretty drunk and passing out at the hotel as soon as we got there. on the car ride home the next day he finally opened up and told me that one of the bridesmaids had told him about the strippers and he was pissed that i would tell him not to go to a strip club and then go and hang out with male strippers in a private hotel room show. he said that was way worse than any strip club and that i was a huge asshole and hypocrite for it. he said he feels like i'm hiding something because i didn't tell him about the strippers and he doesn't believe me that nothing happened.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oxcfi3/aita_for_not_telling_my_bf_about_strippers_at_a/

2021-08-03 20:41:16

yta, how did the other girls "make you stay"? why couldn't you go to the hotel bar? and why didn't you tell your bf and explain the situation?

yta - how would you not be the asshole here? you made a big stink about the idea of him going to the strip club, yet you participated in the exact same thing. and then lied about it, too. plus, i actually kind of agree that your situation is worse (private room thing vs strip club itself) objectively, you're a hypocrite. while it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, yes, you're definitely the asshole.

yta. obviously. how are you even asking this? &gt; but the rest of the girls pretty much made me stay. no they didnt. you could have left but you probably put up minimal resistance and got convinced to stay incredibly easily. &gt; i don't know why i didn't tell him, i just didn't. you know *exactly* why you didnt tell him. &gt;he said he feels like i'm hiding something because i didn't tell him about the strippers and he doesn't believe me that nothing happened. if my partner did this to me i'd definitely be suspicious, this is a massive betrayal of trust.

yta. you glossed over how the rest of the girls "pretty much made" you stay. it sounds like they exerted social pressure. of course, that was the same kind of social pressure your boyfriend faced, although he had advance notice. you asked your boyfriend to conform to your standards, but you did not conform to them yourself. then, you committed a lie by omission by not telling your boyfriend what happened after the fact. from beginning to end you are wrong. for the record, i am not comfortable in strip clubs either.

yta. you're a literal hypocrite. you didn't want your boyfriend doing something, and then you turned around and did the exact thing you didn't want him doing. no one /forced/ you to stay, you just had 0 backbone and got peer pressured into staying. yikes.

&gt; he said that was way worse than any strip club and that i was a huge asshole and hypocrite for it. is there something in his assessment you disagree with?

yta. and a hypocrite. how could you possibly not be ta? you told him he wasnt allowed to have strippers in the full knowledge there were strippers at your bachelorette party . and then didnt tell him about stating afterwards when there was a 100% chance he would find out. "made you stay". how exactly? exactly in the same way your bf didnt allow anyone to peer-pressure him into going to the strip club. "he doesnt believe me that nothing happened". i wouldnt believe anything you say. everything he said is justified.

yta. you chose to stay in the room with strippers. unless they tied you up, knocked you out, or put a gun to your head, you were not forced to stay. you could have chosen to leave. you chose to lie (by omission) to your boyfriend. you were hiding things from him, and he's right to feel hurt by it.

a classic "rules for thee, but not for me" situation. clearly yta short of them welding the doors shut i doubt very much that they made you stay. and you should have told your boyfriend. i'll bet any amount of money if the tables were turned you'd be furious at him.

yta you're a liar. no reason he should trust you.

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my bf and i have been together for almost 4 years. we met in college, started dating our junior year and are part of the same friend group. a couple friends of ours were supposed to get married last summer, but had to delay it to this year. we are both in the wedding party and were invited to the bachelor/bachelorette parties. during the planning for the bachelor party, my bf told me that the best man wanted to go to a strip club and the groom got the go-ahead from the bride. i am very uncomfortable with strip clubs, just always have been. i am not trying to shame sex workers in any way, but strip clubs just always grossed me out. i told my bf this and told him i would feel much better if he didn't participate in that part of the bachelor party. i wasn't going to tell him he can't go to the party at all, just that when other people go to a strip club, that he finds something else to do. we kind of got into a fight about it because he was worried that he would be the only one not going to the club and would therefore be alone at a bar or have to leave altogether if the rest of the party wanted to stay there for a long time. i understand that part, but i was pretty firm that i didn't want him to go to the club part of it and he eventually relented. the parties were scheduled for the same weekend and the bachelorette party got a hotel suite for the night. well, it turns out that the maid of honor hired a couple of male strippers to come to the room for a private show. i wasn't really comfortable with it and tried to leave, but the rest of the girls pretty much made me stay. after the parties, i asked my bf how the bachelor party went and he pretty much just said it was fun and that he hung out at a bar with another couple guys while the rest went to a strip club for an hour or so. he asked how my party went and i told him it was fun, but didn't mention the male strippers. i don't know why i didn't tell him, i just didn't. at the wedding reception a couple weeks later, i was talking with some people and noticed my bf talking with a group of people in the wedding party across the room and they were all laughing except my bf. i keep looking at them and eventually my bf looks at me and he's just staring daggers at me. like, i have never seen him look at me like that before and i felt really uncomfortable. he was really cold with me the rest of the night and he ended up getting pretty drunk and passing out at the hotel as soon as we got there. on the car ride home the next day he finally opened up and told me that one of the bridesmaids had told him about the strippers and he was pissed that i would tell him not to go to a strip club and then go and hang out with male strippers in a private hotel room show. he said that was way worse than any strip club and that i was a huge asshole and hypocrite for it. he said he feels like i'm hiding something because i didn't tell him about the strippers and he doesn't believe me that nothing happened.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my bf and i have been together for almost 4 years. we met in college, started dating our junior year and are part of the same friend group. a couple friends of ours were supposed to get married last summer, but had to delay it to this year. we are both in the wedding party and were invited to the bachelor/bachelorette parties. during the planning for the bachelor party, my bf told me that the best man wanted to go to a strip club and the groom got the go-ahead from the bride. i am very uncomfortable with strip clubs, just always have been. i am not trying to shame sex workers in any way, but strip clubs just always grossed me out. i told my bf this and told him i would feel much better if he didn't participate in that part of the bachelor party. i wasn't going to tell him he can't go to the party at all, just that when other people go to a strip club, that he finds something else to do. we kind of got into a fight about it because he was worried that he would be the only one not going to the club and would therefore be alone at a bar or have to leave altogether if the rest of the party wanted to stay there for a long time. i understand that part, but i was pretty firm that i didn't want him to go to the club part of it and he eventually relented. the parties were scheduled for the same weekend and the bachelorette party got a hotel suite for the night. well, it turns out that the maid of honor hired a couple of male strippers to come to the room for a private show. i wasn't really comfortable with it and tried to leave, but the rest of the girls pretty much made me stay. after the parties, i asked my bf how the bachelor party went and he pretty much just said it was fun and that he hung out at a bar with another couple guys while the rest went to a strip club for an hour or so. he asked how my party went and i told him it was fun, but didn't mention the male strippers. i don't know why i didn't tell him, i just didn't. at the wedding reception a couple weeks later, i was talking with some people and noticed my bf talking with a group of people in the wedding party across the room and they were all laughing except my bf. i keep looking at them and eventually my bf looks at me and he's just staring daggers at me. like, i have never seen him look at me like that before and i felt really uncomfortable. he was really cold with me the rest of the night and he ended up getting pretty drunk and passing out at the hotel as soon as we got there. on the car ride home the next day he finally opened up and told me that one of the bridesmaids had told him about the strippers and he was pissed that i would tell him not to go to a strip club and then go and hang out with male strippers in a private hotel room show. he said that was way worse than any strip club and that i was a huge asshole and hypocrite for it. he said he feels like i'm hiding something because i didn't tell him about the strippers and he doesn't believe me that nothing happened. [/INST] yta, how did the other girls "make you stay"? why couldn't you go to the hotel bar? and why didn't you tell your bf and explain the situation? </s>

AITA for refusing to change my daughters bedroom for my pregnant SIL?

my sil (28) is visiting for christmas and was sleeping in my daughters (16) bedroom. from the first day she's been here all she's done is complain about how my daughters bedroom is decorated. her walls are black and she has a bunch of rock posters on her walls. my sil is very christian and she says that it's evil and that she can have no part in it. she kept asking me to make my daughter change it/take the posters down. i spoke to my daughter about it and she said that if her aunt doesn't like it then she doesn't have to sleep in there. i honestly agreed and didn't feel like fighting with an teenage girl over a poster. anyways, right before bed last night i could hear my daughter kind of yelling and crying. when i went to see what had happened i saw that her aunt had taken all her stuff off of the walls and had "accidentally" ripped one of them which was signed by the artist. my daughter was freaking out and my sil explained that the "evil" posters gave her anxiety and that when she got anxious the baby wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep. i told my daughter to tape the ripped poster back together and that she could put all of it back up in the morning. i told my sil that if she didn't like it she could sleep on the couch or find a hotel. my wife doesn't like the way my daughters room is decorated either and of course she sided with her sister. she told my daughter that if she put them back up then she would rip them all up. she told me that she "couldn't believe that i would suggest that her sister should leave". aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5k7nt/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_daughters_bedroom/

2020-12-02 22:36:07

nta - she is a guest in your house: your house, your rules. how dare she infringe on your hospitality by telling your daughter how to decorate her bedroom. if she doesn't like it then she can book a hotel room or airbnb. your wife is also an ah for enabling her sister and using the situation to undermine your daughter's right to her identity and interests.

nta - but christmas is still 20+ days away, and it is completely unreasonable to make a teenager give up her room for that length of time for someone who destroys their belongings and disrespects them. maybe point out to your wife that choosing her sister over her daughter will effect the kind of relationship they have for the next few years at least and teenagers can be petty when the feel the need.

nta. only ah here are your wife and her sister. way to alienate her daughter and clearly show that the sister/aunt has priority over the teen that lives in the house.

nta-, why the fuck is your sil staying for an entire month? if i was your daughter i would be pissed about having to share my living space with a grown child for an entire month, what a breach of her privacy and sense of home. is your wife not your daughter's mom? i can't imagine telling my daughter or niece that i would rip their shit up because i don't like the fengshui. she(sil) is a guest in your home, it isn't her place to decide what goes or stays on the walls. i say this as i know i would put my sil in her place or out my front door if she did this to my kid.

nta. sil's behavior shows a complete lack of respect for your daughter as a person. hopefully you have a non-demonic couch for her to sleep on.

nta!!!!!! wow, fuck off old aunt and let your teenage girl (who sounds fucking rad as hell btw) live her life. my god, they are posters lol. this christian cult lady sounds like an absolute nightmare and i would be kicking her to the curb just as soon as she replaces your daughters art. this is your house that you fucking live in and the audacity of her touching anything in your home (as a guest) without express permission is actually shocking.

esh you shouldn’t have kicked your daughter out of her room for your sil in the first place and once she started destroying and changing your daughter’s room, she should have been out of there. she doesn’t get to come into your daughter’s space and change it around or destroy her property. your wife is as ridiculous as her sister, she should be defending your daughter and not co-signing your daughter being made to feel unwelcome in her own home. poor kid.

info: does your wife and daughter have a good relationship? it sounds like your wife cares more about her sister than her own daughter.

nta. your sil and wife are tas. it's your daughter's room. like you said, if she is uncomfortable, she can sleep somewhere else. your sil should also pay for the poster that she destroyed.

nta but also kinda info - is this you and your wife’s child? or is wife the stepmom? either way i’d be concerned at your wife telling a 16 year old that she would rip up all her decorations because sil doesn’t like them.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

ESH

INFO

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sil (28) is visiting for christmas and was sleeping in my daughters (16) bedroom. from the first day she's been here all she's done is complain about how my daughters bedroom is decorated. her walls are black and she has a bunch of rock posters on her walls. my sil is very christian and she says that it's evil and that she can have no part in it. she kept asking me to make my daughter change it/take the posters down. i spoke to my daughter about it and she said that if her aunt doesn't like it then she doesn't have to sleep in there. i honestly agreed and didn't feel like fighting with an teenage girl over a poster. anyways, right before bed last night i could hear my daughter kind of yelling and crying. when i went to see what had happened i saw that her aunt had taken all her stuff off of the walls and had "accidentally" ripped one of them which was signed by the artist. my daughter was freaking out and my sil explained that the "evil" posters gave her anxiety and that when she got anxious the baby wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep. i told my daughter to tape the ripped poster back together and that she could put all of it back up in the morning. i told my sil that if she didn't like it she could sleep on the couch or find a hotel. my wife doesn't like the way my daughters room is decorated either and of course she sided with her sister. she told my daughter that if she put them back up then she would rip them all up. she told me that she "couldn't believe that i would suggest that her sister should leave". aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sil (28) is visiting for christmas and was sleeping in my daughters (16) bedroom. from the first day she's been here all she's done is complain about how my daughters bedroom is decorated. her walls are black and she has a bunch of rock posters on her walls. my sil is very christian and she says that it's evil and that she can have no part in it. she kept asking me to make my daughter change it/take the posters down. i spoke to my daughter about it and she said that if her aunt doesn't like it then she doesn't have to sleep in there. i honestly agreed and didn't feel like fighting with an teenage girl over a poster. anyways, right before bed last night i could hear my daughter kind of yelling and crying. when i went to see what had happened i saw that her aunt had taken all her stuff off of the walls and had "accidentally" ripped one of them which was signed by the artist. my daughter was freaking out and my sil explained that the "evil" posters gave her anxiety and that when she got anxious the baby wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep. i told my daughter to tape the ripped poster back together and that she could put all of it back up in the morning. i told my sil that if she didn't like it she could sleep on the couch or find a hotel. my wife doesn't like the way my daughters room is decorated either and of course she sided with her sister. she told my daughter that if she put them back up then she would rip them all up. she told me that she "couldn't believe that i would suggest that her sister should leave". aita? [/INST] nta - she is a guest in your house: your house, your rules. how dare she infringe on your hospitality by telling your daughter how to decorate her bedroom. if she doesn't like it then she can book a hotel room or airbnb. your wife is also an ah for enabling her sister and using the situation to undermine your daughter's right to her identity and interests. </s>

AITA thinking of leaving marriage because step-daughter got herself knocked up...

yeah, i know this sounds awful. my (32m) wife's (35f) daughter (16f) recently announced she is pregnant. she claims she doesn't know who the father is. i suspect she actually does and doesn't want to say, for whatever reason. i mean how much unprotected sex is a 16 year old really having? it can't be that hard to narrow it down for goodness sake. anyway, moving on. she is adamant on keeping the baby. abortion is out of the question apparently. wife completely supports her decision and is excited about having her first grand kid. they're both ecstatic. the problem i have with this is: 1. my wife's daughter is not going to be the one to look after this kid. she's still in school and fully intends to go to college. my wife and i will 100% end up looking after it. 2. i am going to be the one paying tens of thousands of dollars to raise this kid. my wife works part time and makes very little money. i don't have a problem with this as it lets her do volunteer work that she enjoys, but it means the financial burden of this kid will be 100% on me. 3. i wanted to have at least one kid with my wife. she's entering her late 30s so it's now or never. i feel like this kid will mean the two of us will never have our own because of both the emotional and financial burden raising it will put on us. i raised my concerns with my wife and her response was expected but disappointing. "this isn't up to you. this is her decision to make. we will support her." i agree it's her decision, but why do i have to support her? as it stands now, i'm thinking of cutting my losses and leaving the marriage if her daughter has this child. i'm not prepared to put off starting my own family for the sake of her daughter, nor am i prepared to pay to raise it. i fully intend to let them know this before the baby is born so they can make an informed decision on whether they can support it. aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bmywa5/aita_thinking_of_leaving_marriage_because/

2019-05-10 14:22:35

nta. your wife is an asshole for saying "**we** will support her". this is the only life you've got. if you don't want to be a step-grandfather at 32, that's for you to decide not her.

nah i think you need to start the conversation with your wife again, with less focus on what your step daughter should or shouldnt do, and more on what this means for your marriage and your future as a family, whether you still plan to have a child etc. that is the real focus, and you should be careful in the conversation not to make it all about the step daughter, because imo it doesn't sound like that is the real issue.

nta. your wife is in her 30s and her daughter is 16. how old was she when she had her daughter? she probably sees herself in the situation and is overly defensive because of this. how could she tell her she can't do something she did? either way, your life would be completely changed by this and the fact that your wife isn't acknowledging that and having a discussion about it is not okay.

i don't have an opinion but this sub is so fucking weird sometimes. i fully expected to come in here and see yta's across the board. i guess you caught them on a good day lmao. for what it's worth, if you're going to cut and run over anything, this is probably the right thing to cut and run over. you're getting hit with a lot of responsibility over shit your wife should have done differently raising her daughter. looking at the ages it looks like she had her daughter pretty fucking young as well all things considered, and young moms tend to raise future young moms.

nta but tell her as soon as is humanly possible that you are not sticking around. don't linger and be wishy washy until the 38th week. gather them together and tell them both "i am not raising a child i had no say in bringing into the world. i do not support this so i will be taking a pass. if you two want this, i won't stop you but i will have no part."

so, ultimately nah for me (cause i'm female and i can definitely understand emotionally being unable to go through with an abortion but i get your feelings too). one thing i wanted to mention, is your daughter may have been with someone older (adult male in her life, coach, that weird guy whose graduated but hangs around school explicitly to hit on underage girls) who preyed on her. that may be why she's not saying because she knows it will get him in trouble. she thinks she loves him but he's just taking advantage of her. i would breach this topic very delicately if you decide to.

nta. she had a kid at 19, and now she wants her kid to have a kid at 16? get the hell out before her kid's kid's having a kid when you're 45, and you're supposed to take care of that one, too.

nta - that's your decision to make. you have zero obligation to be financially responsible for this. would like to point out that your wife must have been a 16 year old mom, too. what was that like for her? how much did her parents help her? maybe she just thinks that's the norm.

a totally unrelated red flag: the daughter says she doesn't know who the father is- i bet she does. and i bet he's a lot older than 16 and knows he will go to jail if she tells the truth. or it's some dumb kid who doesn't want to be a daddy or pay child support and he convinced her not to tell anyone. you guys need to figure out who the father is asap. tell her that if you guys will be taking care of the baby, you'll be doing a dna test you'll submit to the police to make sure the daddy pays child support. then sit back and watch her 16 year old plan crumble. this whole thing seems to hinge on the idea that the daddy isn't involved. find the dad and tell him he'll be taking care of the baby half the time and i bet her plan will change a lot

nta. it's a sad story and a difficult decision that do make it sound like you're the asshole, but i think your reasons are justified. she's 16, she not supposed to be having children now. if she and her mother want to ignore all the trouble this kid will bring, it's extremelly unfair to drop it all on you, which is what will probably will end up happening. i think you're being smart here. good luck man

NTA

NAH

NTA

YTA

NTA

NAH

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yeah, i know this sounds awful. my (32m) wife's (35f) daughter (16f) recently announced she is pregnant. she claims she doesn't know who the father is. i suspect she actually does and doesn't want to say, for whatever reason. i mean how much unprotected sex is a 16 year old really having? it can't be that hard to narrow it down for goodness sake. anyway, moving on. she is adamant on keeping the baby. abortion is out of the question apparently. wife completely supports her decision and is excited about having her first grand kid. they're both ecstatic. the problem i have with this is: 1. my wife's daughter is not going to be the one to look after this kid. she's still in school and fully intends to go to college. my wife and i will 100% end up looking after it. 2. i am going to be the one paying tens of thousands of dollars to raise this kid. my wife works part time and makes very little money. i don't have a problem with this as it lets her do volunteer work that she enjoys, but it means the financial burden of this kid will be 100% on me. 3. i wanted to have at least one kid with my wife. she's entering her late 30s so it's now or never. i feel like this kid will mean the two of us will never have our own because of both the emotional and financial burden raising it will put on us. i raised my concerns with my wife and her response was expected but disappointing. "this isn't up to you. this is her decision to make. we will support her." i agree it's her decision, but why do i have to support her? as it stands now, i'm thinking of cutting my losses and leaving the marriage if her daughter has this child. i'm not prepared to put off starting my own family for the sake of her daughter, nor am i prepared to pay to raise it. i fully intend to let them know this before the baby is born so they can make an informed decision on whether they can support it. aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> yeah, i know this sounds awful. my (32m) wife's (35f) daughter (16f) recently announced she is pregnant. she claims she doesn't know who the father is. i suspect she actually does and doesn't want to say, for whatever reason. i mean how much unprotected sex is a 16 year old really having? it can't be that hard to narrow it down for goodness sake. anyway, moving on. she is adamant on keeping the baby. abortion is out of the question apparently. wife completely supports her decision and is excited about having her first grand kid. they're both ecstatic. the problem i have with this is: 1. my wife's daughter is not going to be the one to look after this kid. she's still in school and fully intends to go to college. my wife and i will 100% end up looking after it. 2. i am going to be the one paying tens of thousands of dollars to raise this kid. my wife works part time and makes very little money. i don't have a problem with this as it lets her do volunteer work that she enjoys, but it means the financial burden of this kid will be 100% on me. 3. i wanted to have at least one kid with my wife. she's entering her late 30s so it's now or never. i feel like this kid will mean the two of us will never have our own because of both the emotional and financial burden raising it will put on us. i raised my concerns with my wife and her response was expected but disappointing. "this isn't up to you. this is her decision to make. we will support her." i agree it's her decision, but why do i have to support her? as it stands now, i'm thinking of cutting my losses and leaving the marriage if her daughter has this child. i'm not prepared to put off starting my own family for the sake of her daughter, nor am i prepared to pay to raise it. i fully intend to let them know this before the baby is born so they can make an informed decision on whether they can support it. aita? [/INST] nta. your wife is an asshole for saying "**we** will support her". this is the only life you've got. if you don't want to be a step-grandfather at 32, that's for you to decide not her. </s>

AITA for wanting my daughters birthday party to be about her?

my daughter (6) just had her birthday party today. there’s a little girl with special needs in the class and according to school policy, we had to invite the entire class including the special needs girl. my daughter isn’t friends with her so there isn’t a reason for her to be invited or have to come. not only did we invite the kid, my wife called her mom and found out what toys she likes and made sure to have it at the party for her. she also put together a separate meal for the girl and set up our guest room for her and her mom in case she gets overwhelmed. in my opinion, if we have to invite her we’ll invite her but there’s no need to make this one little girl special and the center of attention. she had her own toys, her own food, and a different costume. it was a princess party and everyone was a princess or prince except for the special needs kid, who was a unicorn. after the party i told my wife that i don’t like that she went out of her way to make another little girl the center of attention at our daughters birthday party. my wife got defensive and said she was just trying to be inclusive and accommodating to the little girl and her needs but now she’s talking about play dates and after the party bullshit it looks like my daughter is always going to come in second to someone else’s kid. i told my wife i don’t want her to force our daughter to spend time with this special girl just to make the special one the center of attention and she called me a dick. i’m currently sleeping in the guest room and she’s setting up a play date for the girls this week. am i the asshole for wanting my daughters events to be about her and not some random kid?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zos98m/aita_for_wanting_my_daughters_birthday_party_to/

2022-12-18 06:45:26

yta. not once did you mention your daughter's feelings or reactions in all of this. you don't actually care about putting her first, you just don't want to accommodate a special needs kid. you are literally grouchy because you have to be nice to a six year old. that is about as ah as you can get dude.

yta it doesn't even sound like your daughter minded the unicorn costume, the special food, or the extra room. your wife is accommodating and inclusive. you're not and that's unfortunate. i understand wanting your daughter to feel special at her birthday party. what i'm failing to understand is how accommodating a special needs child takes away from your daughter's fun ??

yta 100% your wife did a wonderful thing to include a little girl who probably gets left out a lot. she didn't make the birthday party about her, she made it so she could be a participant in the party. no one sang happy birthday to her. no one brought her presents. everyone's focus was still on your daughter, except maybe yours because you were so worried that a girl with special needs was being included. even just the way you call her the "special needs girl" screams ah. thank goodness your wife isn't like you and is teaching your daughter that she can be friends with someone who is different than her.

yta as a woman in a wheelchair, let me school you on your ableist behavior. 1. she's not a “special girl”. she is a girl with a disability. if you want to talk about your issue with having a disabled child at your kid's birthday party, then don’t be an asshole and learn the correct language. your daughter sounds more mature than you. 2. depending on the disability, certain clothes are off limits because they’re difficult. for example, jeans are very hard to put on me, so i wear leggings. it’s easier for everyone involved. but again, since you’re an asshole, this thought never occurred to you. her mom is most likely the only one who dresses her, so she probably had to pick a costume that would be easier to put on her. also, maybe she didn’t have the money to buy her a princess costume. did you think of that? are you really going to shame her because she wasn’t wearing the right costume? 3. i’ve been ostracized my whole life for being disabled. it’s totally out of my control, but in case you didn’t know…no one can control if they have a disability or not. i hated the attention that being different brought me. but here you are, upset because a little girl might have taken away your daughter’s spotlight. trust me dude, i don’t want to have a spotlight on me because i look different. but i do, and again…i can’t control that. so once again here you are focusing on her because she’s different from your daughter and her other friends. 4. do you have any idea what it’s like being raised in a world that doesn’t accommodate disabilities? do you have to make sure every restaurant you go to has wheelchair access? do you have to figure out if your wheelchair can fit in a public restroom stall every time you go somewhere? why don’t you go out with your bro's and have a pint of beer, but your over sized head doesn’t fit through the door. so you have to hold it until you get home. how long do you think you’ll last? do you know down to the minutes how long you have until you burst? in a world of able bodied people, we don’t get special accommodations like your wife made for that little girl unless they have to because it’s illegal. you should be so lucky to have a partner that considers other people’s needs. you should worship your wife for caring enough about other people in order to make them feel comfortable. you should be ashamed for your ignorance.

as someone who’s disabled kid has been excluded at every turn, yta. your wife is teaching your daughter how to be a kind, empathic human, and you’re having a temper tantrum over a disabled 6 year old being allowed to exist equitably with her peers. come on…

yta. how did you type this out and think that you’re right?

is this what the world is coming to? you’re teaching your 6yo daughter “its all about me” did you ever consider that your wife and daughter might actually like the other little girl? or do you think she’s an unlikeable monster bc of her random differences? royal yta

yta and i’m sure the special needs girl felt extremely included in the event, shame on you for trying to dim her spotlight

yta. sounds like the girl is on the spectrum, and a 6 year old autistic child receiving accommodations is not the end of the world.

yta. i’m not sure this is real. could anybody be that dumb?

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (6) just had her birthday party today. there’s a little girl with special needs in the class and according to school policy, we had to invite the entire class including the special needs girl. my daughter isn’t friends with her so there isn’t a reason for her to be invited or have to come. not only did we invite the kid, my wife called her mom and found out what toys she likes and made sure to have it at the party for her. she also put together a separate meal for the girl and set up our guest room for her and her mom in case she gets overwhelmed. in my opinion, if we have to invite her we’ll invite her but there’s no need to make this one little girl special and the center of attention. she had her own toys, her own food, and a different costume. it was a princess party and everyone was a princess or prince except for the special needs kid, who was a unicorn. after the party i told my wife that i don’t like that she went out of her way to make another little girl the center of attention at our daughters birthday party. my wife got defensive and said she was just trying to be inclusive and accommodating to the little girl and her needs but now she’s talking about play dates and after the party bullshit it looks like my daughter is always going to come in second to someone else’s kid. i told my wife i don’t want her to force our daughter to spend time with this special girl just to make the special one the center of attention and she called me a dick. i’m currently sleeping in the guest room and she’s setting up a play date for the girls this week. am i the asshole for wanting my daughters events to be about her and not some random kid?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter (6) just had her birthday party today. there’s a little girl with special needs in the class and according to school policy, we had to invite the entire class including the special needs girl. my daughter isn’t friends with her so there isn’t a reason for her to be invited or have to come. not only did we invite the kid, my wife called her mom and found out what toys she likes and made sure to have it at the party for her. she also put together a separate meal for the girl and set up our guest room for her and her mom in case she gets overwhelmed. in my opinion, if we have to invite her we’ll invite her but there’s no need to make this one little girl special and the center of attention. she had her own toys, her own food, and a different costume. it was a princess party and everyone was a princess or prince except for the special needs kid, who was a unicorn. after the party i told my wife that i don’t like that she went out of her way to make another little girl the center of attention at our daughters birthday party. my wife got defensive and said she was just trying to be inclusive and accommodating to the little girl and her needs but now she’s talking about play dates and after the party bullshit it looks like my daughter is always going to come in second to someone else’s kid. i told my wife i don’t want her to force our daughter to spend time with this special girl just to make the special one the center of attention and she called me a dick. i’m currently sleeping in the guest room and she’s setting up a play date for the girls this week. am i the asshole for wanting my daughters events to be about her and not some random kid? [/INST] yta. not once did you mention your daughter's feelings or reactions in all of this. you don't actually care about putting her first, you just don't want to accommodate a special needs kid. you are literally grouchy because you have to be nice to a six year old. that is about as ah as you can get dude. </s>

AITA for asking my tattoo artist to lower my price for my tattoo after she constantly got up to go to the bathroom?

my tattoo artist charges $125 an hour, my tattoo was done by the hour and in the end, i was there for a little over 2 hours, so in the end before a tip my tattoo was $270. i wouldn’t have had an issue with this, but my tattoo artist had gotten up 7 times to use the bathroom and was gone for at least 5 minutes each time and left her timer going. i asked if there was anyway i could get the time she was in the bathroom taken off and she made a face and then kindly said no. i didn’t argue so i just paid for my tattoo but left a lower tip than usual. she emailed me this morning and asked me not to book with her anymore because she said i disrespected her and her work, i’m upset because she does amazing work but i don’t feel that i was wrong. if she had gotten up once or twice i wouldn’t have cared.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n15b9v/aita_for_asking_my_tattoo_artist_to_lower_my/

2021-04-29 14:16:52

nta. you should reply and provide a review on yelp and other sites that of your two hours for which you were fully charged, she spend nearly 40 minutes of it in the bathroom on 7 trips and did not stop the clock. that's a definition of being unprofessional. if she was sick, she should have still discounted 30 minutes to make up for the time. there are many other tattoo artists - i suggest branching out for a new favorite.

nta you should review her online to make others aware. you shouldn’t have even given a tip. side question by why would you tip someone who charges 125 an hour anyway? you have paid for their time and talent and they are not a waiter or waitress on a tipped minimum wage? they get the whole thing as the artist. would you tip a doctor charging you 125 an hour too? or a lawyer? guess it’s very different in the the us compared to u.k. and europe and how we see things.

nta at first i was gonna say yta but 7 times!? in two hours no less? i would leave a review of the shop saying that. it's unfortunate she turned you down, but that's her choice. it doesn't mean you shouldn't warn other people of her practices.

nta i get 90 minute specialty massages. if my guy leaves for even 5 minutes he adds 5 min to the end. if you charge by the hour, you better be there the whole hour

i would say nta. if she is using a timer to get an exact work time she should pause it when she has to go to the bathroom. i get if she was having a bad tummy day or something but it's a bit unfair to charge you for that.

nta lmao she doesn’t want you to book her again because you caught on to how she’s making alittle extra $$$ i’d say email her boss or something

nta. find an artist who only charges skin time, my uncle owns a shop and him and the other artist will only ever charge skin time.

nta sounds like she was padding her time. either way, she charged for time she didn't work. that is unethical and you should let the owner know and write a review if they aren't going to do anything about it.

nta - 35 mins in the bathroom and still charging you for it? no way.

assuming you were looking at the timer and are not being hyperbolic when you say she was gone for 5 minutes 7 times, that's over half an hour of time she wasn't actually working on the tattoo and imo should not be chargeable. she does charge for part of an hour (125 x 2 is 250 so the extra 20 before tip came from somewhere) rather than an "anything over x is 1 hour rate" attitude, so it is totally reasonable to want to take this 35min off the bill. she should have at a minimum been pausing the timer after the 1st time she went to the bathroom - i feel like one time is probably okay, we're all human, but more than once in two hours is already a bit ridiculous let alone 7 times. nta

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my tattoo artist charges $125 an hour, my tattoo was done by the hour and in the end, i was there for a little over 2 hours, so in the end before a tip my tattoo was $270. i wouldn’t have had an issue with this, but my tattoo artist had gotten up 7 times to use the bathroom and was gone for at least 5 minutes each time and left her timer going. i asked if there was anyway i could get the time she was in the bathroom taken off and she made a face and then kindly said no. i didn’t argue so i just paid for my tattoo but left a lower tip than usual. she emailed me this morning and asked me not to book with her anymore because she said i disrespected her and her work, i’m upset because she does amazing work but i don’t feel that i was wrong. if she had gotten up once or twice i wouldn’t have cared.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my tattoo artist charges $125 an hour, my tattoo was done by the hour and in the end, i was there for a little over 2 hours, so in the end before a tip my tattoo was $270. i wouldn’t have had an issue with this, but my tattoo artist had gotten up 7 times to use the bathroom and was gone for at least 5 minutes each time and left her timer going. i asked if there was anyway i could get the time she was in the bathroom taken off and she made a face and then kindly said no. i didn’t argue so i just paid for my tattoo but left a lower tip than usual. she emailed me this morning and asked me not to book with her anymore because she said i disrespected her and her work, i’m upset because she does amazing work but i don’t feel that i was wrong. if she had gotten up once or twice i wouldn’t have cared. [/INST] nta. you should reply and provide a review on yelp and other sites that of your two hours for which you were fully charged, she spend nearly 40 minutes of it in the bathroom on 7 trips and did not stop the clock. that's a definition of being unprofessional. if she was sick, she should have still discounted 30 minutes to make up for the time. there are many other tattoo artists - i suggest branching out for a new favorite. </s>

AITA for asking my husband to check on me while playing video games?

my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnn6gj/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_check_on_me_while/

2020-07-08 19:03:54

nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!)

nta i think that’s a fair compromise for him playing wow 5 nights a week for four hours

nta. i don’t know much about wow, but every game has some kind of breaking point in it that leaves time to go and do little things (like going to the bathroom). all you’re asking for is some peace of mind that he, as your husband, should be happy to do for you.

nta, there's a story somewhere on reddit about a guy upstairs playing games with noise cancelling headphones. people broke in and attacked his wife (possibly sexually assaulted her, i can't remember). this is a totally valid request.

nta: i do it all the time for my wife, don’t see why he can’t.

nta. this is a basic courtesy you are asking for from someone who is your partner and is supposed to care for you. it's funny because this is something that actually happened-ish to myself and my husband a few years ago. i was taking a bath and he was playing video games. i dropped something and it made a very loud noise which he heard. like 5 minutes later he checked on me and asked if i was ok. i asked about the delay, curious as to why he was checking now, and he said he wanted to wait until his he loaded, since he wasn't sure something was wrong. i explained that if something were i might already be dead by the time he checked. now i can't drop the shampoo without him making sure i am ok.

nta. i had this same issue with my husband the other day. he was playing with headphones on and i was in the kitchen putting dishes away (i’m pregnant btw) and the whole cabinet came off the wall and almost crushed me! i reacted super quickly and caught it and began screaming for help and nothing. a neighbor came in running before my husband even noticed. i was pretty shook. i told him he needed to lower the volume cause the baby and i could’ve been seriously hurt if the neighbor hadn’t come to help me.

nta. this reminds me of the post where the guy was gaming with noise cancelling headphones on and didn’t realize his wife was being raped downstairs. she was being assaulted for 10 mins before he realized something was wrong...

how about only one ear covered by the headphones? could solve both your problems. i nta. but i think the timing is off as he thinks you're simply doing this simply because you fell down. which to men doesn't necessarily make sense

nta i was engaged to a gamer who would literally play all day (lost his job and refused to get another one). we’re talking wake up at noon, game until 4/5am. one day i fell in the shower - products smashed all over the floor, tile broken etc. loud. absolutely no reaction whatsoever. luckily i was ok apart from a few bruises and a sore head but i could have easily cracked my head open. i just kinda sat there crying in self pity for a while, then went back out and he just completely ignored the obvious mess i was in - asked him also to check in and got a hard no. yeah... he’s gone now.

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita? [/INST] nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!) </s>

AITA for taking back my dresser from my stepdaughter?

f30 when i first married my husband (m36) and moved in with him i decided to give my stepdaughter my old dresser and nightstand from my parents house. my set was much nicer and she loved it so we got rid of her old dresser during the move. it’s been about 4 years now and my husband and i have a 2 year old daughter and are expecting another girl in february. we have been co-sleeping with our daughter since she was born and she has shared our room, but now we need to move her into her own room. i have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set. when we gave my stepdaughter the dresser i had made it clear to my husband that once we had children our children would be using it since it is mine. he agreed and still agrees with me so we decided to discuss it with my stepdaughter. she was upset that we were taking it away, we tried to ask her to downsize her things so that she can store her clothes in the closet but she refused saying we should just buy a new dresser for our daughter. so after she left we decided to leave her clothes on her bed and take the dresser out ourselves. after she came back the next weekend she waited until we left the house and moved the dresser back into her room. my husband had another discussion with her and we let her know that was unacceptable. now her mother is involved and is calling us telling us we are being unreasonable and should just buy and new set. the thing is my husband and i have also decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter as we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space. once she grows out of her clothes she will not need a dresser so there is no point in buying a new one when we need to save money. tldr: i am taking back my dresser that i gave to her a few years ago so that my daughter can have it and she is refusing to let us have it back

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yxzmyy/aita_for_taking_back_my_dresser_from_my/

2022-11-17 19:48:54

yta. i have no idea who you think you are. but you are one thing, a extremely terrible stepmother who is very selfish and apparently only cares about her own flesh and blood. your husband is still required to buy his own daughter things even though he is paying child support. you gave her the dresser and night stand without telling her the deal behind it! you cannot take it back, you told the wrong person about the deal and now you have to deal with the fact that you cannot use it for your own flesh and blood. i used caps lock, maybe that way you understood how wrong you are.

yta. you and your husband. that poor kid. you are making a massive difference between her and *”your”* child, and it is gross. she existed when you married your husband, you do not get to treat her like an inconvenient third wheel. and shame on your husband for actively going along with this crap.

yta. way to make sure your stepdaughter knows that you don’t consider her your daughter and that she comes second to the new baby.

you’re really leaning in to some unpleasant stereotypes about step parents. yta

yta- why wouldn’t you have just bought a different dresser for your step daughter if you knew you’d be wanting this for your own kids one day. it’s definitely a slap in the face to your step daughter… like “oh sorry my “real” child is here now so you’re not important enough to have this” … the fact that you aren’t even suggesting getting her a new one of her own and you’re just taking hers is so horrible.

yta. a big one. you gave your stepdaughter something. then you are trying to take it back for your 'real' kid. as if this child isn't going through enough stress having a new half sister. now you are making her feel she has been replaced. major ah move. the irony is, you probably could have sold her on buying her a new set for her birthday or christmas,saying she was so grown up that she deserved a new set and the baby should have the old used one. see, that would have made her feel important..instead you decide to take a shit on her. not spending money on her because of your new baby. are your trying to be the evil step mom? because, congrats you are nailing it.

&gt;i have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set. and you did that. your kid has your things. just not your bio kid. but she is your kid nonetheless. yta.

yta you keep saying that you gave the dresser to your stepdaughter. you didn’t seem to tell your stepdaughter that you were letting her use your old dresser until your real children needed it. now you’re not only taking back the furniture but you’re also telling your stepdaughter to downsize and that you’re done spending money on her. soon you’ll be wondering why your stepdaughter resents her half-siblings. pay attention! sheesh. go to some estate sales and buy another dresser.

yta!!! you are talking about your stepkid as if she doesn't mean anything. the damn dresser is in your house who cares which one of your three daughters are using it! if i would be your stepkid i would be thinking that i was good enough before your own kids ce along but now that you do have them im nothing anymore. would she move out with it then your on your right but now your just the biggest ah. that your husband is agreeing is also weird af. but i believe you are making him do that. shame on you

yta if you knew you wanted to give your biological child your childhood dresser, you could have: * not given it to your stepdaughter * bought your stepdaughter a new dresser of her choosing and framed it as something good/her growing out of the other dresser instead, you moved it when she wasn't there. i wouldn't be surprised if your stepdaughter stops coming to your house as soon as she's able to make that decision for herself. though, perhaps that's what you're hoping will happen.

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: f30 when i first married my husband (m36) and moved in with him i decided to give my stepdaughter my old dresser and nightstand from my parents house. my set was much nicer and she loved it so we got rid of her old dresser during the move. it’s been about 4 years now and my husband and i have a 2 year old daughter and are expecting another girl in february. we have been co-sleeping with our daughter since she was born and she has shared our room, but now we need to move her into her own room. i have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set. when we gave my stepdaughter the dresser i had made it clear to my husband that once we had children our children would be using it since it is mine. he agreed and still agrees with me so we decided to discuss it with my stepdaughter. she was upset that we were taking it away, we tried to ask her to downsize her things so that she can store her clothes in the closet but she refused saying we should just buy a new dresser for our daughter. so after she left we decided to leave her clothes on her bed and take the dresser out ourselves. after she came back the next weekend she waited until we left the house and moved the dresser back into her room. my husband had another discussion with her and we let her know that was unacceptable. now her mother is involved and is calling us telling us we are being unreasonable and should just buy and new set. the thing is my husband and i have also decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter as we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space. once she grows out of her clothes she will not need a dresser so there is no point in buying a new one when we need to save money. tldr: i am taking back my dresser that i gave to her a few years ago so that my daughter can have it and she is refusing to let us have it back

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> f30 when i first married my husband (m36) and moved in with him i decided to give my stepdaughter my old dresser and nightstand from my parents house. my set was much nicer and she loved it so we got rid of her old dresser during the move. it’s been about 4 years now and my husband and i have a 2 year old daughter and are expecting another girl in february. we have been co-sleeping with our daughter since she was born and she has shared our room, but now we need to move her into her own room. i have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set. when we gave my stepdaughter the dresser i had made it clear to my husband that once we had children our children would be using it since it is mine. he agreed and still agrees with me so we decided to discuss it with my stepdaughter. she was upset that we were taking it away, we tried to ask her to downsize her things so that she can store her clothes in the closet but she refused saying we should just buy a new dresser for our daughter. so after she left we decided to leave her clothes on her bed and take the dresser out ourselves. after she came back the next weekend she waited until we left the house and moved the dresser back into her room. my husband had another discussion with her and we let her know that was unacceptable. now her mother is involved and is calling us telling us we are being unreasonable and should just buy and new set. the thing is my husband and i have also decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter as we already send her mother child support and we need both the money and space. once she grows out of her clothes she will not need a dresser so there is no point in buying a new one when we need to save money. tldr: i am taking back my dresser that i gave to her a few years ago so that my daughter can have it and she is refusing to let us have it back [/INST] yta. i have no idea who you think you are. but you are one thing, a extremely terrible stepmother who is very selfish and apparently only cares about her own flesh and blood. your husband is still required to buy his own daughter things even though he is paying child support. you gave her the dresser and night stand without telling her the deal behind it! you cannot take it back, you told the wrong person about the deal and now you have to deal with the fact that you cannot use it for your own flesh and blood. i used caps lock, maybe that way you understood how wrong you are. </s>

AITA for playing music over my Bluetooth speaker on a public hiking trail?

where to begin with this... i guess i need to say up front i'm not an outdoors type person. but i was sort of excited to go on a hike yesterday. we are in san diego for the fourth of july and my cousin said it would be really fun if me and my friends went on a hike while she (cousin) had to work. we went to a place called cowles mountain which i guess is about 45 minutes away from the hotel downtown. when we got there it was pretty crowded and we saw a group of guys coming down who were just blasting rap music. i was like wow that would be an awesome way to not get bored on the hike so i went back to my car and got my blue tooth speaker from my pack and hit my favorite spotify list. most people didn't seem to mind but i did notice that we started to get occasional dirty looks. but finally one person stopped me and told me it was incredibly rude to play music outloud and that i should be using headphones. i told her that i was playing music for our group. and she basically that it's still very rude and against the rules but she kept walking. we decided we just weren't going to make it to the top so we stopped at a kind of flat spot and sat down for a while and this is when things actually got kind of scary. this guy and his girlfriend came up to us and said again that i should be using headphones. i told her that we were in a group. she said that it didn't matter most people were trying to enjoy quiet nature. i told her that that its public land. she said "if you weren't such an ignorant fat bitch you would have noticed the sign at the bottom that said no speakers." i basically shut down because i'm not good at confrontation but my friend asked her if she wanted to repeat herself. so the girlfriend called her a fat bitch as well and her boyfriend had to drag her away she was so upset. i didn't want any more hassle so i turned off the speaker and they walked away but the girl was just glaring at us and i was actually scared that they would slash my tires or something at the bottom. i have been reliving the confrontation over and over again and didn't sleep last night. i admit to being fully ignorant because i don't do a lot of outdoor stuff but was that really a big deal? i mean at least one other group we saw was doing it so i can't be that out of touch? all i was trying to do was make it a little more enjoyable and really meant no offense. i posted this on another sub and was referenced here so i'm a little scared just because of the title but please be honest with me. was i doing something wrong? edit in advance: using a throwaway

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9490s/aita_for_playing_music_over_my_bluetooth_speaker/

2019-07-04 16:02:34

yta and the worst kind of ass hole. &amp;#x200b; there is a time and place for everything. except forcing your shitty musical tastes on other people in public. there is never a time for that. terrible hiking etiquette and terrible attitude when confronted about your terrible hiking etiquette. &amp;#x200b;

yta, you should have used headphones. nobody wants to hear your music while they are hiking to enjoy nature.

yta. most people hike to get away from top-40 hits, and those that don't are typically courteous enough to bring headphones. it's also a safe bet that people who feel the need to blast their music around random strangers usually have a poor ability to read the room as far as taste goes. yta because "everyone sucks here" would be validating your inappropriate behaviour. that woman never should have called you names, but the other couple who explained it politely, the various people giving you dirty looks, and whoever put up the sign i'm betting exists are perfectly valid. i'm also tempted to ask for info about the music you were playing, because i really want to picture how different of an experience from nature this was for the people who enjoy it.

yta. i almost went with everyone sucks here because i completely disagree with her calling you a fat bitch, but she and others had asked you before it escalated and you still said no. there’s rarely a time or place for anyone to listen to their music without headphones in while in public.

&gt; she said that it didn't matter most people were trying to enjoy quiet nature yta. completely agree that people go on hikes to enjoy the naturalness of nature. loud music can disturb that. i understand that you're with a group of friends but you're on a hike, not at a party.

yta. i love hiking. i want to get out in nature. away from the busy life. hear the sounds of birds, the wind, flowing water... it's very peaceful and mentally refreshing. you blasting music ruins that. can you seriously not enjoy a hike or being out in nature without being unplugged for a day?? enjoy the scenery and beauty of it without technology for once. it's incredibly rude and inconsiderate to everyone else on the trail who has to listen to it. you are ruining the experience for everyone. you and your friends are being very selfish. it also scares the wildlife. these are animals who aren't used to hearing these things, and now you've ruined a bird watcher or another hiker from seeing certain wildlife because you've scared them off.

yta for sure. people who blast their music out loud in public places and especially on hikes are the worst.

yta. if you were in a waiting room, still the asshole. if you were on a bus, the asshole. walking down a sidewalk with a few people around, the asshole. in line for a ride at an amusement park, the asshole. absolutely no one else wants to listen to whatever shitty noises are coming from your phone. the guys coming down the hill listening to rap? also the assholes.

yta. 1)listen to your music on your headphones like an adult 2) if you want to listen in a group do not do that in a public place. 3) if you find hikes so boring don't go on one. i don't agree with the manner in which you were confronted, but the fact that you are still actually questioning whether it was asshole move to blast your music in nature is beyond me. especially after multiple dirty looks and confrontations? are you that dense? expect to be confronted about asshole behavior when behaving like an asshole

yta. everyone hates the group blasting shitty music. go somewhere else if you want to do that.

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: where to begin with this... i guess i need to say up front i'm not an outdoors type person. but i was sort of excited to go on a hike yesterday. we are in san diego for the fourth of july and my cousin said it would be really fun if me and my friends went on a hike while she (cousin) had to work. we went to a place called cowles mountain which i guess is about 45 minutes away from the hotel downtown. when we got there it was pretty crowded and we saw a group of guys coming down who were just blasting rap music. i was like wow that would be an awesome way to not get bored on the hike so i went back to my car and got my blue tooth speaker from my pack and hit my favorite spotify list. most people didn't seem to mind but i did notice that we started to get occasional dirty looks. but finally one person stopped me and told me it was incredibly rude to play music outloud and that i should be using headphones. i told her that i was playing music for our group. and she basically that it's still very rude and against the rules but she kept walking. we decided we just weren't going to make it to the top so we stopped at a kind of flat spot and sat down for a while and this is when things actually got kind of scary. this guy and his girlfriend came up to us and said again that i should be using headphones. i told her that we were in a group. she said that it didn't matter most people were trying to enjoy quiet nature. i told her that that its public land. she said "if you weren't such an ignorant fat bitch you would have noticed the sign at the bottom that said no speakers." i basically shut down because i'm not good at confrontation but my friend asked her if she wanted to repeat herself. so the girlfriend called her a fat bitch as well and her boyfriend had to drag her away she was so upset. i didn't want any more hassle so i turned off the speaker and they walked away but the girl was just glaring at us and i was actually scared that they would slash my tires or something at the bottom. i have been reliving the confrontation over and over again and didn't sleep last night. i admit to being fully ignorant because i don't do a lot of outdoor stuff but was that really a big deal? i mean at least one other group we saw was doing it so i can't be that out of touch? all i was trying to do was make it a little more enjoyable and really meant no offense. i posted this on another sub and was referenced here so i'm a little scared just because of the title but please be honest with me. was i doing something wrong? edit in advance: using a throwaway

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> where to begin with this... i guess i need to say up front i'm not an outdoors type person. but i was sort of excited to go on a hike yesterday. we are in san diego for the fourth of july and my cousin said it would be really fun if me and my friends went on a hike while she (cousin) had to work. we went to a place called cowles mountain which i guess is about 45 minutes away from the hotel downtown. when we got there it was pretty crowded and we saw a group of guys coming down who were just blasting rap music. i was like wow that would be an awesome way to not get bored on the hike so i went back to my car and got my blue tooth speaker from my pack and hit my favorite spotify list. most people didn't seem to mind but i did notice that we started to get occasional dirty looks. but finally one person stopped me and told me it was incredibly rude to play music outloud and that i should be using headphones. i told her that i was playing music for our group. and she basically that it's still very rude and against the rules but she kept walking. we decided we just weren't going to make it to the top so we stopped at a kind of flat spot and sat down for a while and this is when things actually got kind of scary. this guy and his girlfriend came up to us and said again that i should be using headphones. i told her that we were in a group. she said that it didn't matter most people were trying to enjoy quiet nature. i told her that that its public land. she said "if you weren't such an ignorant fat bitch you would have noticed the sign at the bottom that said no speakers." i basically shut down because i'm not good at confrontation but my friend asked her if she wanted to repeat herself. so the girlfriend called her a fat bitch as well and her boyfriend had to drag her away she was so upset. i didn't want any more hassle so i turned off the speaker and they walked away but the girl was just glaring at us and i was actually scared that they would slash my tires or something at the bottom. i have been reliving the confrontation over and over again and didn't sleep last night. i admit to being fully ignorant because i don't do a lot of outdoor stuff but was that really a big deal? i mean at least one other group we saw was doing it so i can't be that out of touch? all i was trying to do was make it a little more enjoyable and really meant no offense. i posted this on another sub and was referenced here so i'm a little scared just because of the title but please be honest with me. was i doing something wrong? edit in advance: using a throwaway [/INST] yta and the worst kind of ass hole. &amp;#x200b; there is a time and place for everything. except forcing your shitty musical tastes on other people in public. there is never a time for that. terrible hiking etiquette and terrible attitude when confronted about your terrible hiking etiquette. &amp;#x200b; </s>

AITA for telling my Fiance to get over himself?

i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. *editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.*

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4wb9h/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_to_get_over_himself/

2022-04-16 12:00:35

yta. a wedding is about both of you. he offered a comprise. you're putting your foot down...why? what he wants is harmless and also really sweet. 'guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable.' 'i don't people to laugh at us.' so...don't invite ahs to your wedding? i'm sorry but given how callous you're being i'd be surprised if there even is a wedding now.

yta unequivocally. a huge gaping one. he lost his child. you don't get over that. you made him sob over a chair. think about that for a minute. the way you're approaching this is disgusting. you're the one that needs to get over yourself. if i were him i would be calling the whole wedding off. the disrespect is unreal.

you are right about his grief clouding his thinking sometimes. he must've been totally clouded over when he agreed to marry you. you come across as a very cold hearted, self obsessed person. you don't deserve him. yta

yta - leaving a front row seat open at the ceremony and having an “in memory” table with some pictures of loved ones you wish could attend at the reception are both very common wedding practices for people who have lost close family members.

yta. no one is going to think he's mentally unstable or insane, thats all in your head. its quite common to have emty chairs for this reason, if you place a photo on the chair its clear what you are doing. they are usually in the family section where they belong not as an afterthought in the back. interestingly you felt only your fiance's age was relevant here. given you care more about people laughing at you than your fiance's very valid feelings perhaps you shouldn't be marrying him. the only clouded judgement here is yours. you are the one who needs to get over yourself and stop caring about what other guests might think. i'd be very surprised if he marries you after this. he deserves better.

yta. a massive one. like....couldn't be more of one. he should not only get his empty seat at the very front, but there should be a photo of his son in that seat. he will always be a father and the fact that you're trying to erase his son from an important day in his life and belittling his feelings is a really big indicator of how the rest of his life with you will be. i hope he sees that before it's too late (for him).

yta. that is a beautiful way to have his deceased child still included in the wedding and everyone who would laugh at that or think him 'mentally unstable' should not be someone you want at your wedding anyway

yta. wow. never seen an easier one on this sub ever

yta, majorly. i''ve been at multiple weddings where an empty chair was reserved for a deceased loved one. there's no reason any guest will make fun of you or think he's unstable. it's not going to ruin the aesthetic of your wedding...cuz that's what you seem to be worried about. secondly, how dare you try to invalidate his grieving. he lost a child for gosh sake. shame on you. *edited formating*

i have never seen anyone post on this site who was more of ta than this.

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. *editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.*

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm engaged to my fiance (sam/41) and we're getting married soon. i will say that he was married before and had a 13 year old son who passed away 4 years ago. let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes. we're currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we "reserve" a chair at the venue for his deceased son. i was dumbfounded when i heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spriritually and he'd like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel "included", i tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can't do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable. i asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one will notice. i felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it's his wedding and his son was and will always be family, i had a fight with him telling him it's my wedding too and i don't people to laugh at us. he said i have nothing to lose if i say yes and that i'm being selfish. i snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. i then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn't even let me sit with him. he has been like this eversince the fight and has been avoiding me. i could have blown this out of propotion but i thought his request will weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock. *editing to add that i didn't think that such thing was common. i admit that i should've handled the conversation better but the guests i was referring to are my male cousin, they're terrible and make fun of everything and take every opportunity to turn an event into a laughing stock. i can't keep them from attending because they're family but at the same time don't want to give them a chance to hurt sam's feelings or make rude comments. i love sam and sympathize with his struggle but i feel like he's being dismissive of my feelings and thoughts.* [/INST] yta. a wedding is about both of you. he offered a comprise. you're putting your foot down...why? what he wants is harmless and also really sweet. 'guests will be asking questions and will think he's mentally unstable.' 'i don't people to laugh at us.' so...don't invite ahs to your wedding? i'm sorry but given how callous you're being i'd be surprised if there even is a wedding now. </s>

AITA For banning my former Mother-in-Law from my house because she keeps showing up and letting herself in?

my former mother in law is 52 years old and i am 32 years old. back when i was 23 i married i got my then girlfriend pregnant, we married soon after and she gave birth to our little girl. 2 years after my wife got extremely sick and passed soon after, leaving me with our daughter. i decided to move several states away back to my own parents as i work a lot and my parents volunteered to help me with my daughter. this went on for a while until i made a good promotion and had enough saved up to get my own house half an hour away from my parents and since then watching my daughter during the day while i am at work is split between the nanny i hired and my parents, before you think i am taking advantage, my parents insist on watching her. my daughter is 8 now in case you wonder and i generally work 8 to 6. my former mother in law decided to move to the town i live because she wants to be close to her granddaughter/my daughter. i initially had no issue with this, after all my wife was her only child and my daughter her only grandchild. i only started having an issue when she actually moved. since she moved here she was at my house pretty much all day including when i got home after work and the weekends. she would even be there when my daughter was at school and no one was home to clean. after having multiple conversations and arguments with her where i stated i was of the opinion her behavior was innapropriate and she was crossing boundaries she finally toned it down for a while, however slip ups were and are common. last week was the last straw for me, since the past year and a half i have started dating again and met a woman, however due to corona we have not been able to spend much time together with everything opening up here i invited her over after asking my parents to watch my daughter, when we were "fooling around" on the couch my ex mother in law let herself in of course without calling, knocking or asking and proceeded to lose her shit and accused me of cheating and disrespecting my deceased wife. i finally had enough, i went over, snatched my key from her, forced her oit of my home and told her she is no longer welcome in my house. she really has no one else and several people including my parents have weighed in asking me to change my mind, i am not sure if i am the asshole here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lnmcyv/aita_for_banning_my_former_motherinlaw_from_my/

2021-02-19 18:08:00

nta because of three main reason: 1. this is your house 2. this is your kid 3. this is your life you lost your wife (i’m genuinely sorry for your loss), you grieved, you accepted your loss and then you moved on. you’re not cheating on anyone and you’re well within your right to not allow her into your property. keep her away for your kid. her reaction tells me that she’ll try and push her mindset of you “cheating” on to your daughter. just remember that you are the parent and that you have your own life.

nta, you've warned her multiple times, if she wants to see her grandchild she should call you and ask either come over or take your daughter out somewhere. i would not give the keys back.

nta. why does this woman have a key/access code to your home? she is 100% the ah. good locks make good neighbors. i wouldn't recommend giving anyone a key who doesn't live in your house unless you're going to be gone except one person whom you can trust to not do this (like your parents or a friend).

nta you are entitled to your own privacy and it should be expected for an adult to respect another adults private and personal space. showing up constantly and letting herself in... that’s too much. however, i’d remember that your deceased wife’s mother is clearly without anyone. her only child is dead. her only grandchild with you. this can’t be easy for her. you absolutely need to establish and enforce boundaries. but this isn’t just an overbearing mil. this is a grief stricken and lonely mil. please try to come to a compromise, for the memory of your wife and her daughter.

she crossed the line and you are nta. change your locks asap. i would highly recommend giving her time with your daughter that is not at your house, and be clear that you are an adult allowed to make your own romantic choices and she should not be discussing that with your kid. either supervised visits at a park, or letting your daughter go to your mils house for short visits if you are comfortable. but do not let that woman in your home and do not allow her to continue to think you are expecteted to be celibate for her own comfort. that's not sane or reasonable. of course if she crosses lines you are welcome to cut her off, and should. but i don't really get the sense that you are at that point yet. if you are, then so be it you make the choices that are best for you. however, my take is that this may be the confrontation that was needed to shock her into reality and hopefully keeping her at arms legnth will get the point across that she was was way out of line and needs to adjust.

nta. she is violating boundaries big time! the loss of her daughter does not entitle her to invade your home and your life. your wife died, you did not. it is completely reasonable to move on when the time is right.

.... cheating on your deceased wife? she just bypassed all boundaries and went straight for alarmingly delusional. before i was thinking “this woman has no boundaries” now i’m thinking “this woman needs therapy and you need to change your locks” (taking her key works just as well hopefully). i do you think you’ll eventually need to have a conversation with her, because i doubt this is the end of it. whether or not she’s physically busting in your house like the kool-aid man and accusing you of having an affair, this is going to make things tense. i think that family therapy would be necessary before any further contact happens, therapy between you and mil, therapy for grandma, and therapy for the three of you including your daughter. it sounds like she genuinely does not understand that her daughter is gone, but it is not your responsibility to make her understand either. it is her responsibility to stay out of your house and stop with this interloping, she is actively going to sabotage any chance you have at happiness or moving on. nta

i’m gonna play devil’s advocate up until she accused you of cheating etc. she lost her daughter, son in law and grandchild in different ways, she obviously hasn’t dealt with the grief or loss in a healthy way which has manifested itself this way. she crossed a line when she accused you of cheating on your wife who has passed. i think what you all need is to have a sit down talk. your parents, her and you. maybe even your daughter. you don’t owe her this or anything else btw, but it seems as though she hasn’t dealt with the loss and having her remaining family move away probably broke her a little bit. my advice is to sit down with everyone, and have a nice calm discussion, ask her why she’s been doing these things, if there’s anything you can do to help her mental state, if it’s something possible to fix it could be worth fixing for your daughters sake. people can do weird and messed up shit when they aren’t in their right state of mind and even though that doesn’t excuse the actions, it can certainly explain them and give an avenue to help fix or obtain the help she needs.

if i read correctly, your wife has been gone for at least 5 years. nta. your mil needs grief counseling and boundaries.

nta - but you should change your locks regardless. you don't know that she didn't make copies.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my former mother in law is 52 years old and i am 32 years old. back when i was 23 i married i got my then girlfriend pregnant, we married soon after and she gave birth to our little girl. 2 years after my wife got extremely sick and passed soon after, leaving me with our daughter. i decided to move several states away back to my own parents as i work a lot and my parents volunteered to help me with my daughter. this went on for a while until i made a good promotion and had enough saved up to get my own house half an hour away from my parents and since then watching my daughter during the day while i am at work is split between the nanny i hired and my parents, before you think i am taking advantage, my parents insist on watching her. my daughter is 8 now in case you wonder and i generally work 8 to 6. my former mother in law decided to move to the town i live because she wants to be close to her granddaughter/my daughter. i initially had no issue with this, after all my wife was her only child and my daughter her only grandchild. i only started having an issue when she actually moved. since she moved here she was at my house pretty much all day including when i got home after work and the weekends. she would even be there when my daughter was at school and no one was home to clean. after having multiple conversations and arguments with her where i stated i was of the opinion her behavior was innapropriate and she was crossing boundaries she finally toned it down for a while, however slip ups were and are common. last week was the last straw for me, since the past year and a half i have started dating again and met a woman, however due to corona we have not been able to spend much time together with everything opening up here i invited her over after asking my parents to watch my daughter, when we were "fooling around" on the couch my ex mother in law let herself in of course without calling, knocking or asking and proceeded to lose her shit and accused me of cheating and disrespecting my deceased wife. i finally had enough, i went over, snatched my key from her, forced her oit of my home and told her she is no longer welcome in my house. she really has no one else and several people including my parents have weighed in asking me to change my mind, i am not sure if i am the asshole here.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my former mother in law is 52 years old and i am 32 years old. back when i was 23 i married i got my then girlfriend pregnant, we married soon after and she gave birth to our little girl. 2 years after my wife got extremely sick and passed soon after, leaving me with our daughter. i decided to move several states away back to my own parents as i work a lot and my parents volunteered to help me with my daughter. this went on for a while until i made a good promotion and had enough saved up to get my own house half an hour away from my parents and since then watching my daughter during the day while i am at work is split between the nanny i hired and my parents, before you think i am taking advantage, my parents insist on watching her. my daughter is 8 now in case you wonder and i generally work 8 to 6. my former mother in law decided to move to the town i live because she wants to be close to her granddaughter/my daughter. i initially had no issue with this, after all my wife was her only child and my daughter her only grandchild. i only started having an issue when she actually moved. since she moved here she was at my house pretty much all day including when i got home after work and the weekends. she would even be there when my daughter was at school and no one was home to clean. after having multiple conversations and arguments with her where i stated i was of the opinion her behavior was innapropriate and she was crossing boundaries she finally toned it down for a while, however slip ups were and are common. last week was the last straw for me, since the past year and a half i have started dating again and met a woman, however due to corona we have not been able to spend much time together with everything opening up here i invited her over after asking my parents to watch my daughter, when we were "fooling around" on the couch my ex mother in law let herself in of course without calling, knocking or asking and proceeded to lose her shit and accused me of cheating and disrespecting my deceased wife. i finally had enough, i went over, snatched my key from her, forced her oit of my home and told her she is no longer welcome in my house. she really has no one else and several people including my parents have weighed in asking me to change my mind, i am not sure if i am the asshole here. [/INST] nta because of three main reason: 1. this is your house 2. this is your kid 3. this is your life you lost your wife (i’m genuinely sorry for your loss), you grieved, you accepted your loss and then you moved on. you’re not cheating on anyone and you’re well within your right to not allow her into your property. keep her away for your kid. her reaction tells me that she’ll try and push her mindset of you “cheating” on to your daughter. just remember that you are the parent and that you have your own life. </s>

AITA for sleeping with my cousin?

this is a throwaway account which i will probably nuke. &amp;#x200b; me and my family have a big country house and my parents decided to have my uncle, his wife and their son (who we'll call tom) over this last weekend as the weather seemed quite lovely. tom isn't blood related to me as he was adopted one year before i was born and he knows this. we're both of age. neither mine nor his family has enough free time to travel much so this was a good opportunity for us to catch up. i recently broke up with my boyfriend and am going through a rough patch. nothing serious, just a lot of negative emotions. i was excited to spend some time with family and get my mind off things. we catch up, have a fantastic dinner, drinks are flowing and i got quite tipsy. me and tom were snap chatting each other and making fun of our drunk parents. suddenly our convo got a bit more playful. i put down my phone and tried to pay more attention to the heated brexit debate that was taking place. i couldn't be bothered to listen so picked my phone up again and started downright flirting with tom. we keep chatting over snapchat throughout the entire night. it got quite late and everybody went to bed, me and tom kept texting each other. i tell him to come to my room so we can watch a film. he did and as you can imagine we never got around to seeing the film. &amp;#x200b; the morning after, tom and his parents were leaving early so i got up to say my goodbyes. i went back in to have breakfast and enjoy the rest of the weekend. my parents came in the room and started shouting at me. my mum is a light sleeper so when she heard movement upstairs she woke up. she proceeded to hear us have sex. and god was she upset. i got called pretty much every name in the book. she said that she will not get over it and even if she does she will not forget it. both mum and dad are not currently speaking to me. i am not sure if they will tell my uncle or aunt and i really hope not. &amp;#x200b; my argument is that he isn't related to me, and there were no strings attached. we both made that clear when we woke up in the morning. my parents said i am a disgrace to this family. &amp;#x200b; aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/budy1w/aita_for_sleeping_with_my_cousin/

2019-05-29 12:17:30

yta. &amp;#x200b; he's still socialized as your cousin, and hooking up at a family country house while your entire family is there is a dick move. sleep with who you want, you're both consenting adults, but yta for putting your family in the middle of it.

what in the yeehaw fuck. he was adopted the year before you were born so you’ve always known him as your cousin? nah i guess? but weird and pretty gross.

yta you fucked your cousin and your mother had to hear it. blood related or not, he is considered your cousin. fyi, parents don't want to hear their children having sex, with anyone.

esh. like i get that he’s not blood related to you, but come on you still have that familial tie. and now imagine how every family event is going to go from now on. nsa or not there will still be that “hey i slept with you” association.

yta wow maybe my family is just ugly because there are a lot of family sex stories lately and i don't like looking at my family never mind... 😝 urgh no. oh you're not related. still keep it private. no one wants to explain to great aunt ellen with dementia that you're fuckin. if you want to make this into a thing then be discreet and come out as an actual couple respectfully. i knew a dude who fucked his cousins. yes two women and another man cousins. i have no idea if they are blood related but that is still how people who forget his name describe him. tony the cousin fucker.

yta seriously, not sure how anyone comes to a different conclusion. glad you didn’t engage in incest, but cmon...that shit is weird. if you really needed to get laid maybe leaving the home you were sharing with your families would have been a good start. as it stands, your decision was selfish and obviously caused quite a stir with your mom. not to say you can’t have sex or whatever...just that your decision making here was fucked up.

if you had an adopted brother, would you justify having sex with him just bc you aren't blood related? no. its the same logic with your cousin.

yta i was adopted when i was a baby and i’ve never thought of having sex with any family member. i’m technically not blood related to any of them but i still see them as my family.

[removed]

alabama?

YTA

NAH

YTA

ESH

YTA

YTA

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throwaway account which i will probably nuke. &amp;#x200b; me and my family have a big country house and my parents decided to have my uncle, his wife and their son (who we'll call tom) over this last weekend as the weather seemed quite lovely. tom isn't blood related to me as he was adopted one year before i was born and he knows this. we're both of age. neither mine nor his family has enough free time to travel much so this was a good opportunity for us to catch up. i recently broke up with my boyfriend and am going through a rough patch. nothing serious, just a lot of negative emotions. i was excited to spend some time with family and get my mind off things. we catch up, have a fantastic dinner, drinks are flowing and i got quite tipsy. me and tom were snap chatting each other and making fun of our drunk parents. suddenly our convo got a bit more playful. i put down my phone and tried to pay more attention to the heated brexit debate that was taking place. i couldn't be bothered to listen so picked my phone up again and started downright flirting with tom. we keep chatting over snapchat throughout the entire night. it got quite late and everybody went to bed, me and tom kept texting each other. i tell him to come to my room so we can watch a film. he did and as you can imagine we never got around to seeing the film. &amp;#x200b; the morning after, tom and his parents were leaving early so i got up to say my goodbyes. i went back in to have breakfast and enjoy the rest of the weekend. my parents came in the room and started shouting at me. my mum is a light sleeper so when she heard movement upstairs she woke up. she proceeded to hear us have sex. and god was she upset. i got called pretty much every name in the book. she said that she will not get over it and even if she does she will not forget it. both mum and dad are not currently speaking to me. i am not sure if they will tell my uncle or aunt and i really hope not. &amp;#x200b; my argument is that he isn't related to me, and there were no strings attached. we both made that clear when we woke up in the morning. my parents said i am a disgrace to this family. &amp;#x200b; aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this is a throwaway account which i will probably nuke. &amp;#x200b; me and my family have a big country house and my parents decided to have my uncle, his wife and their son (who we'll call tom) over this last weekend as the weather seemed quite lovely. tom isn't blood related to me as he was adopted one year before i was born and he knows this. we're both of age. neither mine nor his family has enough free time to travel much so this was a good opportunity for us to catch up. i recently broke up with my boyfriend and am going through a rough patch. nothing serious, just a lot of negative emotions. i was excited to spend some time with family and get my mind off things. we catch up, have a fantastic dinner, drinks are flowing and i got quite tipsy. me and tom were snap chatting each other and making fun of our drunk parents. suddenly our convo got a bit more playful. i put down my phone and tried to pay more attention to the heated brexit debate that was taking place. i couldn't be bothered to listen so picked my phone up again and started downright flirting with tom. we keep chatting over snapchat throughout the entire night. it got quite late and everybody went to bed, me and tom kept texting each other. i tell him to come to my room so we can watch a film. he did and as you can imagine we never got around to seeing the film. &amp;#x200b; the morning after, tom and his parents were leaving early so i got up to say my goodbyes. i went back in to have breakfast and enjoy the rest of the weekend. my parents came in the room and started shouting at me. my mum is a light sleeper so when she heard movement upstairs she woke up. she proceeded to hear us have sex. and god was she upset. i got called pretty much every name in the book. she said that she will not get over it and even if she does she will not forget it. both mum and dad are not currently speaking to me. i am not sure if they will tell my uncle or aunt and i really hope not. &amp;#x200b; my argument is that he isn't related to me, and there were no strings attached. we both made that clear when we woke up in the morning. my parents said i am a disgrace to this family. &amp;#x200b; aita? [/INST] yta. &amp;#x200b; he's still socialized as your cousin, and hooking up at a family country house while your entire family is there is a dick move. sleep with who you want, you're both consenting adults, but yta for putting your family in the middle of it. </s>

AITA for telling my girlfriend that she needs to shave her legs?

here me out, before you all throw the misogynist card. i'll keep it as short as possible. as background information, my girlfriend is very high-maintenance. she doesn't wear makeup or do fancy things with her hair, but she's always spending money on creams and oils and masks or whatever to put on her face and skin. she says it helps moisturize and keep her skin and pores healthy. honestly, i say that anything from health stores and brands is a waste of money but it's her money so i don't say much. she is also very controlling when it comes to me and my apartment. my housemates and i are very busy and we hardly have guests over to entertain them. it's not like there are dead rats in the corners of the place but she doesn't like the occasional sweater thrown on the floor or dishes in the sink and she's always telling me to stop doing that. on to the story, we were invited to my friend's wedding and because i live much closer to the venue, she stayed the night (cue the complaining about dishes, paper on floor, etc.). i had a long day so i decided not to shower, which again she complained about but let it go since i told her i'd shower in the morning. in the morning when we were getting ready, i decided not to shower because i overslept and thought that washing my face and putting some cologne and deodorant would be more than sufficient. my girlfriend obviously protested saying that i was gross, so i got pretty annoyed and told her that it's gross that she doesn't shave her legs because it's a huge turn off and it's disgusting. it's bad enough that she doesn't wear makeup or heals or normal things girls are supposed to do. i know i can't force her to do anything but it's expected, you know? we're going to a damn wedding. things escalated and she got mad, saying that not showering was not the same thing as not shaving, especially is guys are not expected to shave. but society has already made that call. she then changed her clothes from slacks and a blouse to a dress that went to her knee, making her legs even more obvious. my mom says that i'm ta and is siding with sabz. this is ridiculous, aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffeu01/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_she_needs_to/

2020-03-08 16:25:42

yta &gt; told her that it's gross that she doesn't shave her legs because it's a huge turn off and it's disgusting. it's bad enough that she doesn't wear makeup or heals or normal things girls are supposed to do. a) lots of girls don't wear makeup or heels*, b) if you want a girlfriend who wears those things, go get you one. c) you not showering is not comparable to her not shaving her legs. whether or not she shaves her legs doesn't affect her cleanliness. not showering certainly does.

i have heard you out and you are a misogynist yta

yta showering is hygiene shaving is cosmetic. you can’t compare them.

&gt;doesn't wear makeup or heels or normal things girls are supposed to do well fuck me with a broomstick i've just found out that after 24 years i've not been a girl doing girl things after all. thank you for enlightening me to the fact i am, apparently, some weird alien creature and not a normal girl, oh great wise man. yta mate. and you are a misogynist. i assume when you're demanding she shave her legs for hygiene you also remove all your body hair?

yta, not showering at night or in the morning is gross. she called you out on it because you stunk, and i am surprised she even agreed to sleep in the same bed with you without washing. a bit of clean hair on her legs is not gross, and it’s awful that you called her natural body disgusting. then you insulted her about not doing things “normal” girls do? christ dude, you acted like a huge fucking ass.

yta. she doesn't "need" to shave and women aren't "supposed" to wear makeup or high heels. some choose to, some don't. if it's such a turnoff for you that she chooses not to and you find her unshaven legs gross and disgusting, why are you even with her?

yta high maintenance? really? so her trying to have nice skin is high maintenance now? how does this play into anything? she keeps you on top of cleaning. i personally need that kick in the butt. your examples and your hyperbolic statements don’t even match. and i don’t thing you actually care about her shaving her legs. you just don’t sound like you want to be in the relationship at all. and everyone’s right, cleanliness and shaving aren’t the same.

"here me out, before you all throw the misogynist card." lmfao. yta. you actually think a little hair on the legs is disgusting, but using cologne to cover up not showering is fine? you're a piece of work.

op: &gt;before you all throw the misogynist card... also op: &gt;it's bad enough that she doesn't wear makeup or heals or normal things girls are supposed to do. what's does "normal things girls are **_supposed_** to do" even mean? not shaving is not the same as not showering for 2 days. it's not unhygienic to not shave but it's unhygienic to not shower. if you think not shaving is just as unhygienic, then you'll be doubly unhygienic if you don't shave your legs on top of not showering. yta.

yta absolutely. don't know why you told people not to throw the misogynist card right before telling a super mysoginist story, but here we are. to be fair, your gf doesn't sound amazing here either, but you are a much bigger ah in this scenario. honestly not sure why you guys are dating bc from your telling it doesn't sound like you even like eachother much. edit after re-reading. never mind your gf sounds fine. you're the only ah here 🤷🏼‍♀️

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

YTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: here me out, before you all throw the misogynist card. i'll keep it as short as possible. as background information, my girlfriend is very high-maintenance. she doesn't wear makeup or do fancy things with her hair, but she's always spending money on creams and oils and masks or whatever to put on her face and skin. she says it helps moisturize and keep her skin and pores healthy. honestly, i say that anything from health stores and brands is a waste of money but it's her money so i don't say much. she is also very controlling when it comes to me and my apartment. my housemates and i are very busy and we hardly have guests over to entertain them. it's not like there are dead rats in the corners of the place but she doesn't like the occasional sweater thrown on the floor or dishes in the sink and she's always telling me to stop doing that. on to the story, we were invited to my friend's wedding and because i live much closer to the venue, she stayed the night (cue the complaining about dishes, paper on floor, etc.). i had a long day so i decided not to shower, which again she complained about but let it go since i told her i'd shower in the morning. in the morning when we were getting ready, i decided not to shower because i overslept and thought that washing my face and putting some cologne and deodorant would be more than sufficient. my girlfriend obviously protested saying that i was gross, so i got pretty annoyed and told her that it's gross that she doesn't shave her legs because it's a huge turn off and it's disgusting. it's bad enough that she doesn't wear makeup or heals or normal things girls are supposed to do. i know i can't force her to do anything but it's expected, you know? we're going to a damn wedding. things escalated and she got mad, saying that not showering was not the same thing as not shaving, especially is guys are not expected to shave. but society has already made that call. she then changed her clothes from slacks and a blouse to a dress that went to her knee, making her legs even more obvious. my mom says that i'm ta and is siding with sabz. this is ridiculous, aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> here me out, before you all throw the misogynist card. i'll keep it as short as possible. as background information, my girlfriend is very high-maintenance. she doesn't wear makeup or do fancy things with her hair, but she's always spending money on creams and oils and masks or whatever to put on her face and skin. she says it helps moisturize and keep her skin and pores healthy. honestly, i say that anything from health stores and brands is a waste of money but it's her money so i don't say much. she is also very controlling when it comes to me and my apartment. my housemates and i are very busy and we hardly have guests over to entertain them. it's not like there are dead rats in the corners of the place but she doesn't like the occasional sweater thrown on the floor or dishes in the sink and she's always telling me to stop doing that. on to the story, we were invited to my friend's wedding and because i live much closer to the venue, she stayed the night (cue the complaining about dishes, paper on floor, etc.). i had a long day so i decided not to shower, which again she complained about but let it go since i told her i'd shower in the morning. in the morning when we were getting ready, i decided not to shower because i overslept and thought that washing my face and putting some cologne and deodorant would be more than sufficient. my girlfriend obviously protested saying that i was gross, so i got pretty annoyed and told her that it's gross that she doesn't shave her legs because it's a huge turn off and it's disgusting. it's bad enough that she doesn't wear makeup or heals or normal things girls are supposed to do. i know i can't force her to do anything but it's expected, you know? we're going to a damn wedding. things escalated and she got mad, saying that not showering was not the same thing as not shaving, especially is guys are not expected to shave. but society has already made that call. she then changed her clothes from slacks and a blouse to a dress that went to her knee, making her legs even more obvious. my mom says that i'm ta and is siding with sabz. this is ridiculous, aita? [/INST] yta &gt; told her that it's gross that she doesn't shave her legs because it's a huge turn off and it's disgusting. it's bad enough that she doesn't wear makeup or heals or normal things girls are supposed to do. a) lots of girls don't wear makeup or heels*, b) if you want a girlfriend who wears those things, go get you one. c) you not showering is not comparable to her not shaving her legs. whether or not she shaves her legs doesn't affect her cleanliness. not showering certainly does. </s>