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AITA for not wanting my nephew to watch the TV in my room?

english isn't my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes. i [m15] live with my parents, my older sister sofia [f19], sofia's boyfriend adrian [m19] and their child luke [m3]. luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes. sofia and adrian struggles to keep control of him. he is very hyper and destructive a lot. he always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger. we live in a 3 bedroom house. my parents have their own room, i have my own room and sofia, adrian and luke are in the biggest bedroom all together. sofia and adrian think it's unfair and think luke should stay in my room, because i don't share my room with anyone. i told them i don't want to share my room with luke and my parents think it's a silly idea anyway. i have a little old tv in my room that can play dvds which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway. i have lots of dvds and i like to watch disney movies on it. whenever i go to school sofia puts luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the tv. when i come home, my room is full of mess that luke made. as i said, he's a very destructive child. sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on my stuff that he has touched. it is very annoying. i've asked sofia to stop putting luke in my room. she said i'm selfish for not wanting to share my tv. i said my room is not the daycare. i told my parents about this and they told me to share. they said sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from luke. i've started locking my bedroom door when i leave for school and sofia said i'm a bad uncle and said i only think about myself. i feel guilty.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xheq95/aita_for_not_wanting_my_nephew_to_watch_the_tv_in/

2022-09-18 11:56:19

nta - locking the door is your only option until you are able to move out. good for you for setting and maintaining reasonable boundaries. i hope that this teaches you a lesson about having a kid at 16, don't be like sofia and adrian!

nta. ***i'd contact child protective services if these teen-age parents are just putting a 3 yr old child into a room and shutting the door to keep him confined without them watching him.*** maybe this child needs better, caring parents. don't either of the parents work or are they home all day? this room seems to be your only personal space. nta. i know the dvd player is yours, but could they use it during the day in the living room or common area while you are at school so the 3 yr old is not locked in your room? i bet they'd refuse this offer coz i am thinking they want to lock this 3 yr old up in a room, door shut, so they can ignore him all day.

nta. not your kid. not your boyfriend. not your problem.

nta, you’re being made the victim of your destructive nephew as opposed to your sister and her boyfriend parenting him. unfortunately there’s also nothing you can do about it other than hope to reason with them or convince your parents to side with you, since it’s ultimately their house and you have little agency according to the law.

nta. why should you have to share your space, especially with someone who doesn’t respect it? also, the kid has two parents, why does his mother needing a break mean he has to be in your room instead of being watched by the other parent? sitting a kid down in front of a tv all the time is also what is causing his behavior.

nta. if sofia and adrian think that it’s unfair, they should move out and rent a place of their own.

phrase it to your parents a different way. "it's dangerous to lock a 3 year old child in a room by himself, especially with food. if he gets hurt, i won't lie to the authorities and i will let them know that sister is neglectful and didn't care about the risk to nephews safety. people will also know that you two knew about tmwhat she was doing and didn't intervene for the safety of your grandson." edit for judgement: nta

> sister: you only think of yourself. > also sister: wants her nephew to stay in his uncle’s room because she doesn’t want to share a room with a toddler, so she decides to try and inconvenience her little brother. nta. but your sister is, and both her and her boyfriend suck at parenting.

nta. it's your room and youe space and you get to decide who gets to be in it, especially if someone is destructive and makes a mess. incidentally it's also their kid and their responsibility...if they wanna keep luke in your room for a time the least they should do is watch him and clean up after him...

it is up to your sister to parent her child, not you. and it is up to your sister to tidy up after her child, not you. you are entitled to protect your property when she behaves in this way. nta.

NTA

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english isn't my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes. i [m15] live with my parents, my older sister sofia [f19], sofia's boyfriend adrian [m19] and their child luke [m3]. luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes. sofia and adrian struggles to keep control of him. he is very hyper and destructive a lot. he always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger. we live in a 3 bedroom house. my parents have their own room, i have my own room and sofia, adrian and luke are in the biggest bedroom all together. sofia and adrian think it's unfair and think luke should stay in my room, because i don't share my room with anyone. i told them i don't want to share my room with luke and my parents think it's a silly idea anyway. i have a little old tv in my room that can play dvds which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway. i have lots of dvds and i like to watch disney movies on it. whenever i go to school sofia puts luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the tv. when i come home, my room is full of mess that luke made. as i said, he's a very destructive child. sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on my stuff that he has touched. it is very annoying. i've asked sofia to stop putting luke in my room. she said i'm selfish for not wanting to share my tv. i said my room is not the daycare. i told my parents about this and they told me to share. they said sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from luke. i've started locking my bedroom door when i leave for school and sofia said i'm a bad uncle and said i only think about myself. i feel guilty.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> english isn't my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes. i [m15] live with my parents, my older sister sofia [f19], sofia's boyfriend adrian [m19] and their child luke [m3]. luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes. sofia and adrian struggles to keep control of him. he is very hyper and destructive a lot. he always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger. we live in a 3 bedroom house. my parents have their own room, i have my own room and sofia, adrian and luke are in the biggest bedroom all together. sofia and adrian think it's unfair and think luke should stay in my room, because i don't share my room with anyone. i told them i don't want to share my room with luke and my parents think it's a silly idea anyway. i have a little old tv in my room that can play dvds which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway. i have lots of dvds and i like to watch disney movies on it. whenever i go to school sofia puts luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the tv. when i come home, my room is full of mess that luke made. as i said, he's a very destructive child. sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on my stuff that he has touched. it is very annoying. i've asked sofia to stop putting luke in my room. she said i'm selfish for not wanting to share my tv. i said my room is not the daycare. i told my parents about this and they told me to share. they said sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from luke. i've started locking my bedroom door when i leave for school and sofia said i'm a bad uncle and said i only think about myself. i feel guilty. [/INST] nta - locking the door is your only option until you are able to move out. good for you for setting and maintaining reasonable boundaries. i hope that this teaches you a lesson about having a kid at 16, don't be like sofia and adrian! </s>

AITA For letting my friend sniff my girlfriend?

title sounds strange, i know. one of my friends (23m) is a bit of a prankster and enjoys having fun. he is really beloved by our group. i recently got into a relationship with a girl who doesn't really know my friends. so the 5 of us decided to meet up at an outdoor patio for drinks. we all met up there and immediately my friend goes up to my girlfriend, introduces himself and puts both his hands on the walls next to her, with her being in between both of his arms, he wasn't touching her or anything and i thought it was pretty funny so far. he then says "you looks fresh" and sniffs her neck and deeply inhales. i was laughing so hard that he would do that immediately upon meeting her. she was silent for most of the night and on the way home, she yelled that i should have stepped in and stopped him from sniffing her, i told her that he didn't mean anything by it and that is just his humor. she called him disgusting and i told her she's being out of line and if she wanted him to stop, she should have said something instead of being passive aggressive about it. i don't think i am the asshole because she's a big girl and can stand up for herself, and again, he never made physical contact with her.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbq3li/aita_for_letting_my_friend_sniff_my_girlfriend/

2020-10-15 15:48:47

yta many women freeze up and do nothing when men do these things because some men become violent. being a "big girl" has nothing to do with it. our adrenal response is fight, flight, or freeze. she froze, you should have stood up for her, or learned and apologized and not let it happen again. also it is not "funny" to do this to strange women. he wouldn't dare do it to a man, he does it to make women uncomfortable and scare them.

yta. your friend acted like a complete creep and you thought it was funny. fyi your friend should not act that way when he doesn't know somebody's sense of humor. his actions easily could have come off as aggressive or harassing, even in a sexual nature. that's not okay, and you should have had your gf's back.

yta. what he did wasn't cool. it was being creepy and shoreline rapey. you stood there and laughed while your girlfriend was standing there being violated. its not funny to get your personal space violated especially by someone who is new to you. it doesn't matter that "thats just his sense of humor". **no**. its way out of line. that's what it is.

yta 100%. your “friend“ is a creepy asshole, and you are just as big of an asshole, if not worse, for letting him treat your girlfriend this way and then being completely dismissive of her feelings. i hope that she breaks up with you immediately because you sound like an absolute shitty boyfriend.

definitely yta. the sniffing thing was gross and creepy, but essentially being pinned to a wall by a stranger (he’s a stranger to her, remember) while her boyfriend laughed was probably terrifying and humiliating. the punch line of this “joke” was that it’s funny for a woman to be feel unsafe is not funny. because that’s how she felt, op. women get groped, assaulted and worse by men every single day. when a strange man moves in close, all of us think to ourselves, “oh, shit, what’s he going to do to me?”

yta that is so disgusting. she was approached by a stranger and cornered while you were across the room laughing. it’s weird that you would allow your friend to do something like that to your girlfriend and make her feel unsafe. that’s sexual harassment

yta he sniffed her *and* said, “you look fresh,” while pinning her in place and looming over her? it’s the, “you look fresh,” line that sends me. you know what that means, right? you know what he intended to imply. he dehumanized her, treated her like a piece of meat, like sexual prey, like a walking bag of sexual organs with a face attached, “fresh” enough to force himself onto, or like a piece of livestock “fresh” enough to eat, and you did nothing? nothing but laugh while your friend, “the beloved of our group,” insinuated he’d like to rape and possibly slaughter your girlfriend while using his body to hold her captive and assert his physical dominance over her? and you think she’s “out of line” for taking it, sitting through that entire outing with your “friends,” waiting until you were alone together, and then getting upset with you for letting her be victimized? you think *she’s* in the wrong??? i can’t. i just can’t even with m*n today. what the actual fuck is wrong with you. i hope she dumps you, blocks your number, and has a fabulous life filled with people who don’t treat her like an animal or intentionally humiliate her for their own amusement.

yta stand up for your woman! what if some huge dude who was a friend of hers did that to you? she was terrified

yta. he was asserting dominance. it was 'funny' because she was trapped and couldn't stop him from doing what he wanted. a lot of women associate sniffing them/ their stuff with creepy guys. i had my hair sniffed by several guys back in hs and it was so creepy. you let your friend make your gf uncomfortable for laughs. not ok.

yta. what’s the punchline? “hahahah, you’re scared of a large man with no respect for your personal space! lol so funny!!!!”

YTA

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: title sounds strange, i know. one of my friends (23m) is a bit of a prankster and enjoys having fun. he is really beloved by our group. i recently got into a relationship with a girl who doesn't really know my friends. so the 5 of us decided to meet up at an outdoor patio for drinks. we all met up there and immediately my friend goes up to my girlfriend, introduces himself and puts both his hands on the walls next to her, with her being in between both of his arms, he wasn't touching her or anything and i thought it was pretty funny so far. he then says "you looks fresh" and sniffs her neck and deeply inhales. i was laughing so hard that he would do that immediately upon meeting her. she was silent for most of the night and on the way home, she yelled that i should have stepped in and stopped him from sniffing her, i told her that he didn't mean anything by it and that is just his humor. she called him disgusting and i told her she's being out of line and if she wanted him to stop, she should have said something instead of being passive aggressive about it. i don't think i am the asshole because she's a big girl and can stand up for herself, and again, he never made physical contact with her.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> title sounds strange, i know. one of my friends (23m) is a bit of a prankster and enjoys having fun. he is really beloved by our group. i recently got into a relationship with a girl who doesn't really know my friends. so the 5 of us decided to meet up at an outdoor patio for drinks. we all met up there and immediately my friend goes up to my girlfriend, introduces himself and puts both his hands on the walls next to her, with her being in between both of his arms, he wasn't touching her or anything and i thought it was pretty funny so far. he then says "you looks fresh" and sniffs her neck and deeply inhales. i was laughing so hard that he would do that immediately upon meeting her. she was silent for most of the night and on the way home, she yelled that i should have stepped in and stopped him from sniffing her, i told her that he didn't mean anything by it and that is just his humor. she called him disgusting and i told her she's being out of line and if she wanted him to stop, she should have said something instead of being passive aggressive about it. i don't think i am the asshole because she's a big girl and can stand up for herself, and again, he never made physical contact with her. [/INST] yta many women freeze up and do nothing when men do these things because some men become violent. being a "big girl" has nothing to do with it. our adrenal response is fight, flight, or freeze. she froze, you should have stood up for her, or learned and apologized and not let it happen again. also it is not "funny" to do this to strange women. he wouldn't dare do it to a man, he does it to make women uncomfortable and scare them. </s>

AITA for calling CPS on my fiancé’s uncle?

preface: this all happened last year (june of 2021) i (20f) was asked by my fiancé’s (21m) uncle to babysit his 5 kids (12f, 8m, 4m, 3f, and 2f) last year so his wife could start working to make extra money for their household. they were willing to pay me $300 a week so it wasn’t so bad. i always knew they were pretty low income, and didn’t keep their house as clean as they should, but i didn’t mind too much, because if i was going to be there all day, i could help with their house as well. boy, was i wrong. the first couple of weeks of watching the kids was absolutely atrocious. the kids were great, but the trailer home they were living in had so many issues. it was unfinished, and in some places you could see the grass outside through the floor, they had roaches and bedbugs all over, and the plumbing never worked properly (and mind you, i was 8 months pregnant at the time so i always had to pee). not only that, but it was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home yet only 2 bedrooms were in use because the back room was filled to the ceiling with broken hand me down “toys” for the kids. at that time, i was contemplating calling cps, but when i talked to my fiancé and mom about all of this, they said that i should wait and see if i could help at all first. so i went out and bought some bed bug spray and roach traps, and i offered to clean for them. they were happy to have the help, so i went ahead and tried, and waited to see if things would get better to make the call. things continued to get worse when they called me and said they needed me to watch all the kids but the youngest because of an emergency. it turns out their 2 year old had to be hospitalized for malnutrition. i decided then to call a social worker i know to see what i should do, because i really didn’t want these kids to be taken, but the parents had crossed some lines that weren’t okay. my friend said the kids more than likely won’t be taken away, but the parents will be told that they need to get a bigger house, with working plumbing, and no bugs, and they’ll have to deal with checkins from the state for a year to make sure everything’s going okay. so i decided to make the call, and then when they got home i told them i couldn’t babysit anymore and left. it’s now been a year, they are all living in a 5 bedroom home that’s always clean, and all the kids are super healthy. the family on the other hand refuses to speak to me because i “tried to split their family up.” i’m not sure if i made the right call or if i’m ta.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/txrufa/aita_for_calling_cps_on_my_fiancés_uncle/

2022-04-06 17:46:40

nta - if a child is admitted to the hospital for malnutrition without an underlying medical disorder, the hospital will absolutely be calling cps themselves. whatever they had to deal with regarding cps would have happened whether you called or not.

oh honey, that’s such a shame. you did the right thing, which was to alert the right agency to the risk the children were facing. without someone intervening, it could have carried on like that indefinitely with more children becoming sick. and you don’t know if the hospital notified them, malnutrition in a child is a big deal. the adults might be mad, but the children are safe and better cared for. they’ll be grateful even if their parents are being idiots about it. nta

nta thank you. just thank you. those kids are being taken care of now. you weren't trying to split the family apart. you were trying to make sure the family stayed alive and well. don't forget that.

nta. you prioritized the kids' health and safety, which is never an ah thing to do. good on you for caring about those kids. and, it seems like the situation ended up working out pretty well because they're much better cared for now.

lord god in heaven, nta. in fact, you probably didn't even run them in yourself. nurses are mandated reporters. if they get a 2yo with malnutrition, they're gonna use the red phone that connect directly to cps. they were likely already under investigation at that point and unaware.

nta obviously, you made the right call. them not talking to you is a small sacrifice for the health and safety of the kids. maybe someday they will look past their hurt pride and see that.

nta the tipping point was the malnutrition. roaches happen, bed bugs happen. holes in the floor or other places don’t really matter as long as the temperature inside isn’t dangerously hot or cold. cramped living spaces aren’t a big deal. too many people seem to think that calling cps automatically means kids will be taken away. cps is too underfunded and overworked to investigate every minor call, and they don’t have enough foster homes available for the kids who legitimately *do* need to be removed.

nta, sounds like you gave them the wakeup call they needed, im glad the children are doing a lot better now

nta. seems like you did everything you could before you had to make that call. they also seem to be doing so much better because of that call. you did the right thing and those kid will have a better life for it.

nta. the hospital would have called anyway. malnutrition is a huge red flag and without an underlying condition that's basically automatically a cps call.

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: preface: this all happened last year (june of 2021) i (20f) was asked by my fiancé’s (21m) uncle to babysit his 5 kids (12f, 8m, 4m, 3f, and 2f) last year so his wife could start working to make extra money for their household. they were willing to pay me $300 a week so it wasn’t so bad. i always knew they were pretty low income, and didn’t keep their house as clean as they should, but i didn’t mind too much, because if i was going to be there all day, i could help with their house as well. boy, was i wrong. the first couple of weeks of watching the kids was absolutely atrocious. the kids were great, but the trailer home they were living in had so many issues. it was unfinished, and in some places you could see the grass outside through the floor, they had roaches and bedbugs all over, and the plumbing never worked properly (and mind you, i was 8 months pregnant at the time so i always had to pee). not only that, but it was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home yet only 2 bedrooms were in use because the back room was filled to the ceiling with broken hand me down “toys” for the kids. at that time, i was contemplating calling cps, but when i talked to my fiancé and mom about all of this, they said that i should wait and see if i could help at all first. so i went out and bought some bed bug spray and roach traps, and i offered to clean for them. they were happy to have the help, so i went ahead and tried, and waited to see if things would get better to make the call. things continued to get worse when they called me and said they needed me to watch all the kids but the youngest because of an emergency. it turns out their 2 year old had to be hospitalized for malnutrition. i decided then to call a social worker i know to see what i should do, because i really didn’t want these kids to be taken, but the parents had crossed some lines that weren’t okay. my friend said the kids more than likely won’t be taken away, but the parents will be told that they need to get a bigger house, with working plumbing, and no bugs, and they’ll have to deal with checkins from the state for a year to make sure everything’s going okay. so i decided to make the call, and then when they got home i told them i couldn’t babysit anymore and left. it’s now been a year, they are all living in a 5 bedroom home that’s always clean, and all the kids are super healthy. the family on the other hand refuses to speak to me because i “tried to split their family up.” i’m not sure if i made the right call or if i’m ta.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> preface: this all happened last year (june of 2021) i (20f) was asked by my fiancé’s (21m) uncle to babysit his 5 kids (12f, 8m, 4m, 3f, and 2f) last year so his wife could start working to make extra money for their household. they were willing to pay me $300 a week so it wasn’t so bad. i always knew they were pretty low income, and didn’t keep their house as clean as they should, but i didn’t mind too much, because if i was going to be there all day, i could help with their house as well. boy, was i wrong. the first couple of weeks of watching the kids was absolutely atrocious. the kids were great, but the trailer home they were living in had so many issues. it was unfinished, and in some places you could see the grass outside through the floor, they had roaches and bedbugs all over, and the plumbing never worked properly (and mind you, i was 8 months pregnant at the time so i always had to pee). not only that, but it was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home yet only 2 bedrooms were in use because the back room was filled to the ceiling with broken hand me down “toys” for the kids. at that time, i was contemplating calling cps, but when i talked to my fiancé and mom about all of this, they said that i should wait and see if i could help at all first. so i went out and bought some bed bug spray and roach traps, and i offered to clean for them. they were happy to have the help, so i went ahead and tried, and waited to see if things would get better to make the call. things continued to get worse when they called me and said they needed me to watch all the kids but the youngest because of an emergency. it turns out their 2 year old had to be hospitalized for malnutrition. i decided then to call a social worker i know to see what i should do, because i really didn’t want these kids to be taken, but the parents had crossed some lines that weren’t okay. my friend said the kids more than likely won’t be taken away, but the parents will be told that they need to get a bigger house, with working plumbing, and no bugs, and they’ll have to deal with checkins from the state for a year to make sure everything’s going okay. so i decided to make the call, and then when they got home i told them i couldn’t babysit anymore and left. it’s now been a year, they are all living in a 5 bedroom home that’s always clean, and all the kids are super healthy. the family on the other hand refuses to speak to me because i “tried to split their family up.” i’m not sure if i made the right call or if i’m ta. [/INST] nta - if a child is admitted to the hospital for malnutrition without an underlying medical disorder, the hospital will absolutely be calling cps themselves. whatever they had to deal with regarding cps would have happened whether you called or not. </s>

AITA for being upset at my birthday presents

i just turned 16 a few days ago and this has been something bugging my mind. so 16 is a pretty big mile stone. lots of people usually get big presents. most of my friends got like new phones, air pods, new clothes. things like that. i don’t like to consider myself spoiled so obviously i wasn’t expecting something big but at least maybe something a little extra. it’s not like we’re poor; in fact my parents are in the higher upper class. anyways, it comes time to get my presents and i guess you could say i was kinda disappointed. i got a pillow and a chocolate bar. and i mean it’s pretty nice but i guess i probably set my expectations high. my sister kept saying “it’s gonna be something big” so i guess i was a little underwhelmed. i tried to smile through it and act happy. afterwards, my sister came up to me and said i looked upset when i saw my presents and that i was an asshole and ungrateful. she didn’t get me anything for my birthday btw. she said the pillow was from all of them. but yeah, i don’t really know at this point. i know some kids don’t get anything for their birthdays so maybe i’m just acting like a brat by feeling upset. so aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f72156/aita_for_being_upset_at_my_birthday_presents/

2020-02-20 23:38:14

nta lol the people calling you an asshole wouldn't have wanted a pillow when they were 16 i bet 😂

nta. honestly your sister kind of sounds like one. she hyped you up, had you thinking you were gonna get something super awesome. then told you that you were an ungrateful brat because you didn't jump up and down with excitement over a pillow. 😂 also you held it together and pretended to be happy out of respect for your parents and didn't complain so you are in no way an asshole.

nta. didn't expect it from thread title, but going with it. yeah, yeah, nobody gets to demand better gifts, entitled, entitled, blah blah blah... but... y'know... birthday presents are a thing, countries and communities that celebrate these things have certain expectations, traditions, assumptions and so on. presumably op has received presents on their prior birthdays, op says sister got a computer for a recent birthday, this is clearly a birthday participating family. unless op specifically loves that type of chocolate, and specifically requesteed / expressed interest in some unusually special pillow, it's a pretty lame, lazy gift. we can all sit back and say "you're never entitled to a gift" but can you imagine if you were a kid/teen and you suddenly got a completely thoughtless or lazy birthday / christmas one year. when you raise kids with expectations / values / traditions, you can't blame the kids for feeling let down when you just decide to half-ass when their turn to benefit rolls up.

nta but your sister is the ah for amping you up the whole time. you sound like a genuine person and mature for your age. you thought this all through and you’re trying to make sense of it. i don’t think that’s being ungrateful. you had expectations due to various reasons. it is a disappointing situation. maybe have a calm conversation with your sister about why she told you that you were getting something big.

i really want to meet all of these people that are arguing that a walmart pillow &amp; a brand of chocolate bar you don’t even like are acceptable birthday gifts. i think you’re allowed to feel disappointed that your parents got you something that showed very little thought or effort, especially since your sister got an expensive gift for her last birthday. nta.

info. are you the oldest? if not what did your sibs receive for their 16 bday?

nta i was full on expecting you to be entitled and spoiled but a pillow and a chocolate bar? what? i’m surprised your sister didn’t wrap a stick of gum and say that was her present to you.

nta i'm kinda surprised at the y-t-a s because if this was one of those christmas posts where a woman gets a vacuum or a guy gets deodorant / something that's more of a necessity, i'm pretty sure anyone saying be grateful you got anything would be downvoted into oblivion.

nta. first, happy sweet sixteen! second, what kind of pillow (not that it really matters)? was it something you had really wanted? i would think your family would put in a little extra effort since you turned 16 and it’s a milestone for sure. it doesn’t sound like you expected a new car or anything extravagant. expecting or hoping to get a great memorable gift isn’t being an a-hole. you didn’t say you expected something expensive or out of your family’s price range. getting a pillow and a chocolate bar for your birthday sounds like something charlie would’ve been gifted in willy wonka.

nta in your other comment you said your sister got a computer for her birthday and it was wrong of her to install you with false hope. plus its not like you said anything you did try to act happy

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

INFO

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just turned 16 a few days ago and this has been something bugging my mind. so 16 is a pretty big mile stone. lots of people usually get big presents. most of my friends got like new phones, air pods, new clothes. things like that. i don’t like to consider myself spoiled so obviously i wasn’t expecting something big but at least maybe something a little extra. it’s not like we’re poor; in fact my parents are in the higher upper class. anyways, it comes time to get my presents and i guess you could say i was kinda disappointed. i got a pillow and a chocolate bar. and i mean it’s pretty nice but i guess i probably set my expectations high. my sister kept saying “it’s gonna be something big” so i guess i was a little underwhelmed. i tried to smile through it and act happy. afterwards, my sister came up to me and said i looked upset when i saw my presents and that i was an asshole and ungrateful. she didn’t get me anything for my birthday btw. she said the pillow was from all of them. but yeah, i don’t really know at this point. i know some kids don’t get anything for their birthdays so maybe i’m just acting like a brat by feeling upset. so aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i just turned 16 a few days ago and this has been something bugging my mind. so 16 is a pretty big mile stone. lots of people usually get big presents. most of my friends got like new phones, air pods, new clothes. things like that. i don’t like to consider myself spoiled so obviously i wasn’t expecting something big but at least maybe something a little extra. it’s not like we’re poor; in fact my parents are in the higher upper class. anyways, it comes time to get my presents and i guess you could say i was kinda disappointed. i got a pillow and a chocolate bar. and i mean it’s pretty nice but i guess i probably set my expectations high. my sister kept saying “it’s gonna be something big” so i guess i was a little underwhelmed. i tried to smile through it and act happy. afterwards, my sister came up to me and said i looked upset when i saw my presents and that i was an asshole and ungrateful. she didn’t get me anything for my birthday btw. she said the pillow was from all of them. but yeah, i don’t really know at this point. i know some kids don’t get anything for their birthdays so maybe i’m just acting like a brat by feeling upset. so aita? [/INST] nta lol the people calling you an asshole wouldn't have wanted a pillow when they were 16 i bet 😂 </s>

AITA For Staying Out Late? MIL Called Me A Bad Mother

a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&amp;3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pa0uwq/aita_for_staying_out_late_mil_called_me_a_bad/

2021-08-23 14:23:57

nta you went out for the first time in 2 months and lost track of time - watching movies, not bar hopping! your husband should have taken care of the toddler when/if he woke up. i'm more concerned that your husband didn't defend you when his mother went after you in front of him. i hope your house is repaired soon! hugs

nta, you're right that this is between you and your husband and he was fine with it. he should have stood up for you rather than staying silent and letting your mil come at you. you say you messed up, how? it was discussed and agreed that you could stay out later, i don't see how you did anything wrong. eventually in a kid's life there are going to be nights when you're not around, you can't possibly be there 24/7 waiting for a disaster. and it's not like they were abandoned, your husband was there.

nta. this was an agreement between you and your spouse. none of mil's business.

nah, except probably your husband. you can certainly go out for the evening. but your mother in law didn't call you a bad mother like your title says. she seems to be communicating that she shouldn't be the one to get up with your screaming kids at 4am. and she is right. especially since she's doing you two big favors - letting you all live there and babysitting the kids so you can both go out. so she gets some slack here for being tired and grumpy. you can stay out all night but your husband better be right on it is a kid fusses, and you need to make it clear to your babysitters nobody is coming home until 2am.

from the comments…yeah. yta. well, your husband is but i would say you kind of are too. you say that you guys sleep in the basement and don’t have a baby monitor. so the kids woke up your mil and your husband didn’t take care them. you do deserve a day off, but not at your in laws expense. husband needed to step up here and it sounds like he failed.

esh, but very softly. no one wants to wake up at 4am to a screaming child, especially if they arent your kid. i understand why the mother in law could be annoyed the next morning, especially if they had work in the morning. however, i understand you wanted to have more human interaction after quarantine, the fire, and whatever issue is keeping you from working, it was probably a good relief. i also understand how annoying someone can be after 1-2 hours of sleep. i think your kids are your responsibility, but your mil should try and be more understanding.

info. did your husband not take care of your toddler? in a comment you said that your children sleep upstairs and you sleep in the basement but you don't have a baby monitor, are the children waking up constantly and you and your husband are not taking care of it?

nta. part of being a parent is giving your parent an ‘off night’ you had an extra 4 hours to catch up with a friend and still got up in time to check on your kids. your husband consented it was fine.

esh... you live in your in-laws house. they all work, coming home at 6 am is disrespectful even if your husband is ok with that.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NAH

YTA

ESH

INFO

NTA

ESH

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&amp;3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&amp;3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work. [/INST] nta you went out for the first time in 2 months and lost track of time - watching movies, not bar hopping! your husband should have taken care of the toddler when/if he woke up. i'm more concerned that your husband didn't defend you when his mother went after you in front of him. i hope your house is repaired soon! hugs </s>

AITA for refusing to pay for my SILs fertility treatment?

i (32m) am very wealthy. i sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. my wife (33f) and i have been together since high school. we have 5 kids (13f, 8f, twins 4m and 1f). we had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc. we made it work and luckily, i really succeeded financially afterwards. we made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. we wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true. my wife's sister (46f) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. she wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. it's more than she can afford. she asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and i have been discussing it. she texts her or me every couple of days to "check on our deal". yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my sil just blurts out "you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?" i told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private. she called me a selfish and entitled ah in front of both our families. i got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money. her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an ah. aita for not paying for her treatments, even though i could do it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ugb93n/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_sils_fertility/

2022-05-01 22:37:23

nta. the irony of someone looking for a handout calling you entitled is… rich. no pun intended.

nta. i feel bad for her because it probably pains her to see you with all your kids and she can’t even have one but it’s still not your responsibility to pay for it.

nta where does it stop. if she feels entitled to the treatment, will she also expect you to pay for daycare, private school, a house in a better county, college? it sucks for her, but once you open the wallet you’ll be on the hook every time she has trouble.

i think it’s weird that no one is bringing up the fact that this woman is 46. i feel like the success rate at that age is next to none. your money would very likely be wasted. regardless of her behavior, this would likely be futile. nta

nta-being unable to have a child when you want children is heartbreaking but it gives no one the right to be an entitled asshole.

forgetting the money request, which is absolutely obsurd. she's 46. by the time she has a baby she could be 47,. 48 or older that baby will be so high risk of many many health problems and so will mom be. and with increased likelihood of major lifelong health problems or birth defects... comes increased cost. how is she going to cope with that? she's going to be trying to retirement before her kid graduates. all as a single.mother. these things are challenging , not impossible, in isolation. but together, these things you'd be supporting by paying for her ivf. as a child of older parents, please do not support this. there's absolutely a reason why women rarely naturally have kids at that type of age nta

nta&amp;#10; &amp;#10; you are not responsible for personally paying for someone else's fertility treatments.

nta - what's going to happen if it doesn't work out? is sil going to come to you every time it fails? what happens when the baby arrives and there's still no money? she is not entitled to your money.

people amaze me with their boldness asking for other people's money. and then playing victim when the answer is "no." nta.

nta. your money. and you are in the middle of discussing it. you didn't say no to her. she wouldn't stop pestering you about it. you told her youd talk privately but then she blows up on you during your child's birthday? perhaps your reaction made you an asshole. but she was an asshole tenfold. honestly... she can adopt. many kids need it anyways and if she's set on having a child then there's many a child that needs parents.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (32m) am very wealthy. i sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. my wife (33f) and i have been together since high school. we have 5 kids (13f, 8f, twins 4m and 1f). we had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc. we made it work and luckily, i really succeeded financially afterwards. we made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. we wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true. my wife's sister (46f) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. she wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. it's more than she can afford. she asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and i have been discussing it. she texts her or me every couple of days to "check on our deal". yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my sil just blurts out "you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?" i told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private. she called me a selfish and entitled ah in front of both our families. i got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money. her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an ah. aita for not paying for her treatments, even though i could do it?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (32m) am very wealthy. i sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. my wife (33f) and i have been together since high school. we have 5 kids (13f, 8f, twins 4m and 1f). we had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc. we made it work and luckily, i really succeeded financially afterwards. we made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. we wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true. my wife's sister (46f) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. she wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. it's more than she can afford. she asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and i have been discussing it. she texts her or me every couple of days to "check on our deal". yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my sil just blurts out "you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?" i told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private. she called me a selfish and entitled ah in front of both our families. i got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money. her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an ah. aita for not paying for her treatments, even though i could do it? [/INST] nta. the irony of someone looking for a handout calling you entitled is… rich. no pun intended. </s>

AITA for embarrassing my dad on FB over his post about being a single dad?

i’ve (m16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. my mom took off when i was a baby and haven’t seen her since. so my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. my dad was kind of around but not really he’d sometimes come to take me to his house for the night every month, drop me off and be gone again. as i kid i used to always ask him how come i can’t live with him and his reason was always because he works a lot. when i got older i sorta saw the truth which is he likes to live single life style. he’s had like a million girlfriends and that’s how i ended up with 4 other half sibs. but u know they still live with their moms so we only get to hangout when it’s my dad’s custody time because he just leaves them at my grandparents and doesn’t hangout with any of us. we’re all used to it by now but what’s annoying is to his girlfriends and friends he acts like he’s a hero for being a single dad. he talks about how hard it is. then brings me up specifically because my mom walked out so it’s like he cares for me full-time. i usually don’t say anything but it bothers me. he made a fb post the other day. it was an older pic of him with me and my brothers the one time he took us to a soccer game 4 years ago. he was talking about “sacrifices” but it’s worth being a single dad. this made me mad and i commented “u haven’t even come to the house in like a month” which is true haven’t seen him since a few days after thanksgiving. he deleted his post and got mad at me for embarrassing him. my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don’t know what it’s like to be a single dad providing for us so i don’t get to act that way. he was really mad about it and after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs so i wanted to know if it was asshole-ish for doing it

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kq706m/aita_for_embarrassing_my_dad_on_fb_over_his_post/

2021-01-04 11:34:48

nta. truth hurts i guess. a once a month parent isn't as comparable to single parents whonhave their kids full time. he is only sacrificing one night a month to be with you. though, a question does pop into mind, does he provide financial support to your grandparents for expenses? same goes with your half siblings,? i hope he is being financially supportive. also, does he celebrate holidays and birthdays with any of the kids? but other than that, one night a month is quite isolating so you are right in calling him out. also, his post embarrasses itself since he used an old photo, guess he doesn't have anything more recent?

nta being a father and being a dad are different things

nta, it sounds like both of your parents abandoned you, just one of them sees you occasionally when it's convenient for him.

&gt;&gt;my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don't know what it's like to be a single dad... from the sounds of it, neither does he. nta.

nta and good for you. you spoke your truth which was a verifiable fact. he deleted it because he knows you’re right. it’s not your fault that the truth makes him look bad, it’s his.

nta but your father certainly was for posting that on facebook. sure there could be more to it like he's working a lot to help his parents take care of you, but in the end he wasn't there for you and that is what being a parent is so yeah definitely not you, but him.

this is tough but if he is really as absent as you say, nta. he doesn't deserve the accolades (he is giving *himself*, no less) for something he isn't doing. it was petty, but his posting and patting himself on the back while neglecting his kids is damn tasteless and since *you* were the one used as a prop for likes, i say you do you. i hope you can take this feeling and maybe write something out, figure your real feelings out about how your dad makes you feel and let him know now that this door is opened. he might just be a dick about it if his ego won't let him see how he has hurt his kids, but at least you'll have told him how you really feel.

nta. your dad is mad because you corrected him, but he's the one who involved you so that's on him. he made you a part of his lie and you have every right to set the record straight. you aren't a prop, you are a person. moral of the story: don't abandon your kids if you want credit for being a good parent.

nta we like it wen people call out bs from shitheads.

nta. &gt;after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs right here, you are demonstrating that you are fully aware what he is doing is wrong. you know what he's doing is bs. and yet you're still worried you might be the a-hole. i want to make sure you're aware that the only reason you feel that way is because he used his position of authority over you to make you feel bad. you called out his lying, and he didn't like that, so he decided to act victimized and get all "how could you do such as thing to your own father." you need to know that not only has he not sacrificed in being a single parent, he has outright failed at being a parent at all. you said it yourself, you've got multiple half siblings he's done this with. these circumstances you're in are not, in any way whatsoever, your fault. he created this situation. as the saying goes, he's played a stupid game, now he's winning stupid prizes. all that said, you do need to be careful about how you go forward from here. as much as i want to tell you to keep calling out his crap, your family as a whole sounds very fragile, and throwing more stones could just ruin what little good you have in your life. talk with grandparents about all of this, as well as your siblings. tbh, i'm a little disappointed to hear your grandparents have put up with him. it sounds like they just let him do whatever and then they take all the responsibility. they need to know that on top of all that, he's trying to claim credit for their hard work. it's high time they made him re-evaluate his life.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve (m16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. my mom took off when i was a baby and haven’t seen her since. so my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. my dad was kind of around but not really he’d sometimes come to take me to his house for the night every month, drop me off and be gone again. as i kid i used to always ask him how come i can’t live with him and his reason was always because he works a lot. when i got older i sorta saw the truth which is he likes to live single life style. he’s had like a million girlfriends and that’s how i ended up with 4 other half sibs. but u know they still live with their moms so we only get to hangout when it’s my dad’s custody time because he just leaves them at my grandparents and doesn’t hangout with any of us. we’re all used to it by now but what’s annoying is to his girlfriends and friends he acts like he’s a hero for being a single dad. he talks about how hard it is. then brings me up specifically because my mom walked out so it’s like he cares for me full-time. i usually don’t say anything but it bothers me. he made a fb post the other day. it was an older pic of him with me and my brothers the one time he took us to a soccer game 4 years ago. he was talking about “sacrifices” but it’s worth being a single dad. this made me mad and i commented “u haven’t even come to the house in like a month” which is true haven’t seen him since a few days after thanksgiving. he deleted his post and got mad at me for embarrassing him. my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don’t know what it’s like to be a single dad providing for us so i don’t get to act that way. he was really mad about it and after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs so i wanted to know if it was asshole-ish for doing it

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’ve (m16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. my mom took off when i was a baby and haven’t seen her since. so my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. my dad was kind of around but not really he’d sometimes come to take me to his house for the night every month, drop me off and be gone again. as i kid i used to always ask him how come i can’t live with him and his reason was always because he works a lot. when i got older i sorta saw the truth which is he likes to live single life style. he’s had like a million girlfriends and that’s how i ended up with 4 other half sibs. but u know they still live with their moms so we only get to hangout when it’s my dad’s custody time because he just leaves them at my grandparents and doesn’t hangout with any of us. we’re all used to it by now but what’s annoying is to his girlfriends and friends he acts like he’s a hero for being a single dad. he talks about how hard it is. then brings me up specifically because my mom walked out so it’s like he cares for me full-time. i usually don’t say anything but it bothers me. he made a fb post the other day. it was an older pic of him with me and my brothers the one time he took us to a soccer game 4 years ago. he was talking about “sacrifices” but it’s worth being a single dad. this made me mad and i commented “u haven’t even come to the house in like a month” which is true haven’t seen him since a few days after thanksgiving. he deleted his post and got mad at me for embarrassing him. my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don’t know what it’s like to be a single dad providing for us so i don’t get to act that way. he was really mad about it and after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs so i wanted to know if it was asshole-ish for doing it [/INST] nta. truth hurts i guess. a once a month parent isn't as comparable to single parents whonhave their kids full time. he is only sacrificing one night a month to be with you. though, a question does pop into mind, does he provide financial support to your grandparents for expenses? same goes with your half siblings,? i hope he is being financially supportive. also, does he celebrate holidays and birthdays with any of the kids? but other than that, one night a month is quite isolating so you are right in calling him out. also, his post embarrasses itself since he used an old photo, guess he doesn't have anything more recent? </s>

AITA for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?

ok a little context my(18f) cousin(18m) and i do not get along. i believe he’s rude, inconsiderate and just a bully. me and him have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas i like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with friend. anyways my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and i thought it was just me, my parents and my brothers. i got told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room. i’m against this for many reasons. the first being he like to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. the third reason is that he’s just hateful and like to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat i don’t see how anyone would date you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you find someone to date” so when i found out he was coming i told my parents that if he’s going then i’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter. so aita for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6lj58/aita_for_refusing_to_go_on_a_family_trip_if_my/

2022-06-07 03:36:33

nta, why your parents are thinking that it's even appropriate for you to share a room at your ages, let alone putting you in this position considering his past behaviour is beyond the pale.

nta it’s completely inappropriate for a start to be forced to share a room with opposite sex if you don’t want to. they should protect you from your cousins behaviour. you won’t enjoy the trip so bowing out is fair enough

nta. just your cousin, not his parents? who all in one hotel room - just you and cousin? you with your brothers and cousin? you have every right to refuse to share an experience with a bully. i don't think you should be forced out of your trip to accommodate the jerkass cousin. if your parents choose him over you, that is an ah move on their part - are they aware of the bullying and him bringing in girls for nighttime activities?

your cousin handled your bras and underwear? he body shamed you. what’s wrong with your parents? if a non-related boy in school treated you this way they would most likely loose their shit, but it’s your cousin so it’s okay. stand your ground. watch out for your “family” tricking you and saying your cousin isn’t going when he really is.

nta - you have completely valid reasons for not wanting him to tag along this family vacation. it seems like he’s the only one outside your immediate family that is coming so it shouldn’t be an issue for your parents to tell him it’s just going to be you guys without him.

nta. &gt;the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. why the fuck do you parents think it's safe for him to be around you.

nta yikes

nta your cousin is a bully i don't understand why your parents would invite him if it was a family trip. dot they know what he had done and said to you? stick to your guns about not going p, at the end of the day a holiday is supposed to be relaxing it seems to me it would be hell for you.

nta. you have to share a room with this guy? who disrespects you and brings random girls to the room? i would stay home. info: why are they taking him?

NTA

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NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok a little context my(18f) cousin(18m) and i do not get along. i believe he’s rude, inconsiderate and just a bully. me and him have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas i like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with friend. anyways my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and i thought it was just me, my parents and my brothers. i got told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room. i’m against this for many reasons. the first being he like to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. the third reason is that he’s just hateful and like to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat i don’t see how anyone would date you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you find someone to date” so when i found out he was coming i told my parents that if he’s going then i’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter. so aita for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> ok a little context my(18f) cousin(18m) and i do not get along. i believe he’s rude, inconsiderate and just a bully. me and him have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas i like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with friend. anyways my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and i thought it was just me, my parents and my brothers. i got told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room. i’m against this for many reasons. the first being he like to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. the third reason is that he’s just hateful and like to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat i don’t see how anyone would date you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you find someone to date” so when i found out he was coming i told my parents that if he’s going then i’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter. so aita for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes? [/INST] nta, why your parents are thinking that it's even appropriate for you to share a room at your ages, let alone putting you in this position considering his past behaviour is beyond the pale. </s>

AITA For treating my half siblings differently?

my mom and biodad were never in a relationship and my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. my biodad didn't totally fuck off, but he ended up marrying one of my mom's friends since they were in the same social circle, and they very much had their life and my mom had hers. my mom ended up moving in with her best friend who took care of me a lot when she was a single parent. they lived together as friends for a while with him taking care of me while she worked, and eventually fell in love, got married, yada yada, and had my brother and sister. i was raised with them at my mom's and my stepdad who had been there since i was a baby has always treated me exactly like my siblings. he is my dad. my biodad isn't a bad guy and wasn't totally absent from my life but i just don't really see him as my dad dad. he had a baby with his wife who is the same age as my sister, who yeah, is my half sister but i barely ever saw her growing up. mostly my biodad came to me, or took me out, and going over to his place was always really awkward for me because i felt very much like an outsider. the problem is: when people ask me about my siblings, i say my brother and sister. i feel bad about it, but i barely know my dad's daughter. my sister and i shared a room. i held my brother when he was born. my biodad's daughter i didn't even meet until she was a toddler. recently, my biodad and i were talking and it came out that i don't really think of his daughter as my sister and i definitely don't think of his wife as my stepmother. i refrained from saying my stepdad is my real dad, but my biodad was really upset. aita? should i have made more of an effort? my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwnas3/aita_for_treating_my_half_siblings_differently/

2019-11-15 07:26:50

nta. you can't invent feelings you don't have. your dad's the asshole for expecting you to have feelings for people when he didn't put forth the effort to ensure that you spent time with these people in order for any feelings to develop in the first place.

nta this is a convoluted mess of your parents’ making. it isn’t the children’s responsibility to make sure they have a relationship with family members and see them regularly.

nta. this was your biodad's responsibility to fix, not yours. he could have taken you to vacations, family reunions, made an effort to put you in same hobbies. he didn't. &gt;my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me. yeah, no. why would that be suddenly a thing? it sounds like your biodad suddenly woke up that his kids are grown and he hasn't done jack shit so he's trying to put in some effort now. that said, it's 100% your biodad's responsibility to take care of. he can put in the effort to figuring out how to make his kids closer if he so chooses. there are ways but it is not your job. also, you're not treating your stepsis differently, you're treating her exactly like you would a stranger, which she is.

nta. you're entitled to how you feel and if it hurt your dad, then what can you do? there's clearly no relationship there with your step-family and if your dad wanted there to be, he could have put more effort earlier. it's never too late to build a relationship with someone, so you can think of this conversation as a chance to make more effort with your step sister if you'd like. but in regards to your dad's feelings, you can't help but feel what you feel, so i don't think to sugarcoat a situation like that would be beneficial to you or your dad.

nah i have a half sister and brother ( we have the same dad, different moms) and we weren't raised together. i don't feel like they're really my siblings, especially because my bio dad cheated on my mom while they were married, with their mom, so they're not supposed to exist. they try to hang out when they're in my area, and i do stuff with them to be polite, but i just have no desire to really spend time with them. i feel bad because it's not their fault, but it is what it is.

honestly op this is real tricky but i’m gonna go nah (except for your bio dad) it’s reasonable that your half sister wants a relationship but it’s also reasonable that you don’t feel you can provide one - you barely know her and don’t seem to really want to. which is fine! it seems like your dad is so gung-ho about it because if you and your half-sister were super close it would kind of validate that choice to have that family, or it would minimise the harm he did to your relationship. if you and your half sister were close you’d be a family and your dad could kinda be part of that. or maybe i’m just reading into it. (probably that) anyway you’re not an asshole for not feeling a familial bond with a girl you don’t know. good luck x

nta you didn't grow up with your half sibling. that's not your fault

info: how old are you? your half sisters and your brother?

NTA

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NAH

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INFO

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom and biodad were never in a relationship and my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. my biodad didn't totally fuck off, but he ended up marrying one of my mom's friends since they were in the same social circle, and they very much had their life and my mom had hers. my mom ended up moving in with her best friend who took care of me a lot when she was a single parent. they lived together as friends for a while with him taking care of me while she worked, and eventually fell in love, got married, yada yada, and had my brother and sister. i was raised with them at my mom's and my stepdad who had been there since i was a baby has always treated me exactly like my siblings. he is my dad. my biodad isn't a bad guy and wasn't totally absent from my life but i just don't really see him as my dad dad. he had a baby with his wife who is the same age as my sister, who yeah, is my half sister but i barely ever saw her growing up. mostly my biodad came to me, or took me out, and going over to his place was always really awkward for me because i felt very much like an outsider. the problem is: when people ask me about my siblings, i say my brother and sister. i feel bad about it, but i barely know my dad's daughter. my sister and i shared a room. i held my brother when he was born. my biodad's daughter i didn't even meet until she was a toddler. recently, my biodad and i were talking and it came out that i don't really think of his daughter as my sister and i definitely don't think of his wife as my stepmother. i refrained from saying my stepdad is my real dad, but my biodad was really upset. aita? should i have made more of an effort? my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my mom and biodad were never in a relationship and my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. my biodad didn't totally fuck off, but he ended up marrying one of my mom's friends since they were in the same social circle, and they very much had their life and my mom had hers. my mom ended up moving in with her best friend who took care of me a lot when she was a single parent. they lived together as friends for a while with him taking care of me while she worked, and eventually fell in love, got married, yada yada, and had my brother and sister. i was raised with them at my mom's and my stepdad who had been there since i was a baby has always treated me exactly like my siblings. he is my dad. my biodad isn't a bad guy and wasn't totally absent from my life but i just don't really see him as my dad dad. he had a baby with his wife who is the same age as my sister, who yeah, is my half sister but i barely ever saw her growing up. mostly my biodad came to me, or took me out, and going over to his place was always really awkward for me because i felt very much like an outsider. the problem is: when people ask me about my siblings, i say my brother and sister. i feel bad about it, but i barely know my dad's daughter. my sister and i shared a room. i held my brother when he was born. my biodad's daughter i didn't even meet until she was a toddler. recently, my biodad and i were talking and it came out that i don't really think of his daughter as my sister and i definitely don't think of his wife as my stepmother. i refrained from saying my stepdad is my real dad, but my biodad was really upset. aita? should i have made more of an effort? my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me. [/INST] nta. you can't invent feelings you don't have. your dad's the asshole for expecting you to have feelings for people when he didn't put forth the effort to ensure that you spent time with these people in order for any feelings to develop in the first place. </s>

AITA for saying something to my mother in law?

i have been a bigger person all of my life. recently though i went from weighing 275 pounds to 192. i worked my ass off and i’m still a while away from where i want to be. however from a size 20 to a size 12, is something i’ve never been able to achieve but i finally did it. i also recently got married to the love of my life. we had a beautiful wedding and i wore a beautiful size 14 dress that i had to have altered down to a 12. today i got on facebook and saw my mother in law commenting on a post about a woman who was looking for a size 24 wedding dress for cheap. my mil commented that her son just got married and his wife had to have wore a size 24 and she would see if she could get it for her for cheap. first of all, i’m not selling my dress. second of all, i called her out that i actually wear a size 12 and i’m not selling my dress. my husband said that i’m an asshole for pointing that out. however, she is always saying stuff about my weight, even though i have worked so hard to get where i am.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/duiapv/aita_for_saying_something_to_my_mother_in_law/

2019-11-10 22:08:07

nta and your husband had better start supporting you now

nta. your mother in law is out of line to say you might sell your wedding dress without discussing it with you first and for commenting on your weight. your husband sucks for not telling her to knock it off.

nta - i find it hard to believe she didn't intentionally got your size wrong, there is just too much of a difference between size 24 and 12 for her to be that far of the mark. and then offering your dress to a stranger looking for a cheap dress? at best that is just really callous so your husband should understand why you'd respond to that.

nta your husband is for not standing up for you &amp; his mother definitely is.

nta your husband and your mil are! your mil shouldn't have broadcasted to an unwanted audience what she assumed your clothing size was, let alone name who the person she was recommending was. she could have privately come to you, made you aware of the person looking for a dress and asked if you were interested. your husband on the other hand should have understood she was causing you grief by mentioning your weight all the time and had a private conversation asking her to retract her comments and refrain from commenting further. weight loss is such a personal thing, and props to you for such a great achievement. don't let other peoples comments reflect on that though, you have come so far and only need to prove to yourself that you can and will achieve so much more!

nta. r/justnoso and r/justnomil

[removed]

nta. why is your husband ok with your mom offering your wedding dress to someone? he should be sticking up for you.

info what were you exact words? cause if you say to her.. oh my dress was size 12 not 24 and i’m also not selling it. i don’t see why your husband would call you an asshole unless you said something rude? or your husband is an asshole...

nta mil needs to mind her business about your weight. congratulations by the way! that’s hard work.

NTA

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INFO

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been a bigger person all of my life. recently though i went from weighing 275 pounds to 192. i worked my ass off and i’m still a while away from where i want to be. however from a size 20 to a size 12, is something i’ve never been able to achieve but i finally did it. i also recently got married to the love of my life. we had a beautiful wedding and i wore a beautiful size 14 dress that i had to have altered down to a 12. today i got on facebook and saw my mother in law commenting on a post about a woman who was looking for a size 24 wedding dress for cheap. my mil commented that her son just got married and his wife had to have wore a size 24 and she would see if she could get it for her for cheap. first of all, i’m not selling my dress. second of all, i called her out that i actually wear a size 12 and i’m not selling my dress. my husband said that i’m an asshole for pointing that out. however, she is always saying stuff about my weight, even though i have worked so hard to get where i am.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have been a bigger person all of my life. recently though i went from weighing 275 pounds to 192. i worked my ass off and i’m still a while away from where i want to be. however from a size 20 to a size 12, is something i’ve never been able to achieve but i finally did it. i also recently got married to the love of my life. we had a beautiful wedding and i wore a beautiful size 14 dress that i had to have altered down to a 12. today i got on facebook and saw my mother in law commenting on a post about a woman who was looking for a size 24 wedding dress for cheap. my mil commented that her son just got married and his wife had to have wore a size 24 and she would see if she could get it for her for cheap. first of all, i’m not selling my dress. second of all, i called her out that i actually wear a size 12 and i’m not selling my dress. my husband said that i’m an asshole for pointing that out. however, she is always saying stuff about my weight, even though i have worked so hard to get where i am. [/INST] nta and your husband had better start supporting you now </s>

AITA for telling my siblings their parents did them a disservice by raising them in an all white town?

i was adopted at a very young age and i have a lot of other siblings who were adopted by a few different families. we are black, and three of my siblings were adopted by a white family. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and people who adopt children who need homes are amazing. but there are major differences in raising a child who is not your same race, basic things like hair, and stuff, and i think it’s important for children to understand their own history regardless of who adopted them. it’s literally a part of your identity. they moved my siblings from a city with a lot of people who look like them to a city with no other black people except for them.my siblings parents are open about how they view black people in a very negative light in general. they have said things like “well if blacks were more educated” and “well if blacks weren’t criminals” just outrageous blanket statements like that. it infuriates me and i’ve asked them how they think that makes my siblings feel as “blacks” and my siblings actually got involved and told me they feel fine because they weren’t raised like “blacks” and that i only have a problem with how they think because i’m a racist. i understand that a lot of this isn’t their fault because of how they were raised but i also feel like they should have enough common sense at 18 and 21 years old to understand why it’s wrong. i told them that their parents did them an absolute disservice by raising them in the town they did and with the values they carry. now my other siblings are saying i should apologize but i refused. i am not sorry. so am i ta?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q46xsi/aita_for_telling_my_siblings_their_parents_did/

2021-10-08 21:10:54

nta for calling their parents racist because they are. esh for thinking all black people need to be raised a certain way. i've seen some pretty strong sentiment lately that black people who get typical "white people education and white people jobs" are not black enough and don't be in the black community because "they identify with white privilege". that is a extremely racist and self defeating view.

nta. i was adopted and raised in a white family/neighborhood and i totally understand the concerns you have. i wasn't really around people who looked like me until college, and the feeling of racial/cultural isolation that preceded that was very real.

nta and your siblings raised in a white environment are going to have a helluva wake up call throughout their lives whenever they leave the adoptive families' bubbles.

nta i’m white and i can’t imagine how badly it has to screw with a person’s head to be raised as “one of the ‘good’ black people.”

oh dear. nta, and i hope your siblings figure out how racist their upbringing is without hurting you or anyone else.

nta. you don't need to apologize. their parents taught them to be self-hating black people by perpetuating ignorant racist stereotype like black people are criminals and that black people are uneducated. we are not a monolith and you are not a racist for pointing out blatantly racist comments. however, i wouldn't waste your energy arguing with your siblings. they are young and sheltered. hopefully at some point they will venture out into the rest of the world and be exposed to variety of people from different cultures and races.

nta. you came to the wrong place for a discussion like this. most of the people on reddit do not have the cultural competency for this situation. that will not stop them from giving their opinions, though. it will take your siblings time to recognize the racism they have been taught and have internalized.

nta- i'm white and i totally agree with this. it's very sad they've basically been taught this and not been taught the rich culture they come from.

nta sounds like your siblings got raised by racists parents, which is likely worse than the town would have been on its own.

NTA

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NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was adopted at a very young age and i have a lot of other siblings who were adopted by a few different families. we are black, and three of my siblings were adopted by a white family. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and people who adopt children who need homes are amazing. but there are major differences in raising a child who is not your same race, basic things like hair, and stuff, and i think it’s important for children to understand their own history regardless of who adopted them. it’s literally a part of your identity. they moved my siblings from a city with a lot of people who look like them to a city with no other black people except for them.my siblings parents are open about how they view black people in a very negative light in general. they have said things like “well if blacks were more educated” and “well if blacks weren’t criminals” just outrageous blanket statements like that. it infuriates me and i’ve asked them how they think that makes my siblings feel as “blacks” and my siblings actually got involved and told me they feel fine because they weren’t raised like “blacks” and that i only have a problem with how they think because i’m a racist. i understand that a lot of this isn’t their fault because of how they were raised but i also feel like they should have enough common sense at 18 and 21 years old to understand why it’s wrong. i told them that their parents did them an absolute disservice by raising them in the town they did and with the values they carry. now my other siblings are saying i should apologize but i refused. i am not sorry. so am i ta?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i was adopted at a very young age and i have a lot of other siblings who were adopted by a few different families. we are black, and three of my siblings were adopted by a white family. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and people who adopt children who need homes are amazing. but there are major differences in raising a child who is not your same race, basic things like hair, and stuff, and i think it’s important for children to understand their own history regardless of who adopted them. it’s literally a part of your identity. they moved my siblings from a city with a lot of people who look like them to a city with no other black people except for them.my siblings parents are open about how they view black people in a very negative light in general. they have said things like “well if blacks were more educated” and “well if blacks weren’t criminals” just outrageous blanket statements like that. it infuriates me and i’ve asked them how they think that makes my siblings feel as “blacks” and my siblings actually got involved and told me they feel fine because they weren’t raised like “blacks” and that i only have a problem with how they think because i’m a racist. i understand that a lot of this isn’t their fault because of how they were raised but i also feel like they should have enough common sense at 18 and 21 years old to understand why it’s wrong. i told them that their parents did them an absolute disservice by raising them in the town they did and with the values they carry. now my other siblings are saying i should apologize but i refused. i am not sorry. so am i ta? [/INST] nta for calling their parents racist because they are. esh for thinking all black people need to be raised a certain way. i've seen some pretty strong sentiment lately that black people who get typical "white people education and white people jobs" are not black enough and don't be in the black community because "they identify with white privilege". that is a extremely racist and self defeating view. </s>

AITA for giving my brothers girlfriend a place to stay in secret from him?

my older brother nick has always been a little troubled but a few years ago he met a girl i'll call mia who seemed to get him on the straight and narrow. i met up with mia for dinner recently to catch up. she seemed anxious and upset and after a while she opened up about how nick was getting really jealous and controlling and was jeopardizing her ability to finish college. having issues with her living in an apartment where she could be having other men over. having issues with her being in study groups and classes with mostly men in her engineering degree. he even contacted some of her professors behind her back because he did not want her on group projects with men. my advice to her is that her education is the most important thing right now. that she should focus on her upcoming senior year even if that means making it a priority over her relationship. she said she was worried she wouldn't be able to do that without angering him, he'd shown up unexpected and angry a few times to her apartment and when she had to deal with him until he had calmed down she was missing deadlines. she admitted she felt like she didn't want to be with him anymore but she was scared of what would happen if she broke up with him. he's paying for some of her school costs and she doesn't have family support. plus he wouldn't take it well, she thought, and she wouldn't feel comfortable staying in her apartment. i told her that she could stay with me, for senior year. pay me below market rent and use the savings to cover other expenses. the only thing i'd ask is that she doesn't tell nick where she is living or that she's still going to the same college, or anything like that. because i didn't want to deal with the drama of having him show up at my house with a bone to pick. she agreed and moved in as a roommate. she lost his number and locked down her social media, switched jobs and told her professors to not answer his emails, and all that. but then my mom came to visit unannounced and saw an amazon package in the driveway addressed to mia. she found out i was roommates with her now and had helped her "disappear" on nick. she was really upset with me because family comes first and nick had been spiralling after his girlfriend ghosted him with no explanation. and that it was terrible of me to help her leave him without even a breakup or explaining. i said that he was hurting her chances of finishing college and i felt like that was more important than a boyfriend. hadn't she always told me to focus on my school and career and not get sidetracked by boys? if she knew that was what was best for her own daughter couldn't she want the same for someone else's daughter? she said i was twisting her words, there is a difference between focusing on school and ending a relationship that was headed towards engagement with only a message saying to leave her alone. aita for helping my brother's girlfriend leave him quietly?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyo30v/aita_for_giving_my_brothers_girlfriend_a_place_to/

2021-08-05 18:05:59

nta, but lets say what you did: *help her escape an abus!ve relationship* your brother is controlling to the point she doesn't feel safe leaving him. the ah here, apart obviously from your brother, is your mom, whose golden child can do no wrong: if she was like this every time he did something wrong growing up, it is probably the reason he is like this towards women. make sure your mom undestands how bad it is and does not tell him she is there, and if possible help the poor girl organize a plan b, in case he found ut and posed a threat to her. good job helping the girl but this is far more serious than a gelous college bf

nta you need to get her away from him. your brother is controlling and abusive. he called her professor to say she can't be in any groups with men. that's insane. marrying your brother would be the biggest mistake of her life. but it's also not right that she is staying with him so he will pay for her school.

nta, and the response to your mother was absolutely on the money. she just didn't like it when her double standard was called out. sorry to say this but your brother was being controlling and emotionally abusive. good on you for saving her from having to deal with potential further abuse and helping her to finish her degree.

nta. the hero. so many people side with the abuser because the abuser is the member of their family. you believed her and gave mia a safe place to stay and a way to finish her degree. unfortunately, it probably isn't safe for her anymore, because your mom is definitely going to tell him where she is.

nta. your brother is an abuser. your mum is enabling that abuse (heading towards engagement when she’s scared of his reactions? *really*????)

nta and your brother needs help. would your mom be cool with a guy contacting your professors to make sure you aren't allowed to be in groups with men?? i'm surprised her professors didn't refer her to campus counseling. it sounds like you've been a good friend and have your priorities in life straight.

nta for giving her a place to stay and helping her out. it's unfortunate that your mom found out and that she might no longer have a safe space to stay and finish school. your brother nick is a massive asshole and controlling prick if he's emailing professors and telling them she can't work with men. that's absolutely ridiculous. what's gonna happen when she gets her first big girl job? is he gonna email her boss and tell the boss she can't work with male coworker? he likely would and this poor girl wouldn't have much of a career with him around. plus, showing up unannounced and getting in her way of finishing school are two other massive red flags. the only thing mia should have done differently is break up with him and tell him it's over, even if it was over text given how volatile he is. then she could have retreated to your apartment and moved on.

nta women don't ghost people like that for no reason.

nta by a long shot! what you did or rather wanted to do was great! ...however sometimes you need to see the extent of how much you can help vs how you want to help. you wanted to provide a safe supportive environment for mia, but you can't do that as long as you're letting your (toxic or enabling?) family come visit

nta your brother was being an abusive as agile and mia should have absolutely left him. your mom needs a reality check.

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my older brother nick has always been a little troubled but a few years ago he met a girl i'll call mia who seemed to get him on the straight and narrow. i met up with mia for dinner recently to catch up. she seemed anxious and upset and after a while she opened up about how nick was getting really jealous and controlling and was jeopardizing her ability to finish college. having issues with her living in an apartment where she could be having other men over. having issues with her being in study groups and classes with mostly men in her engineering degree. he even contacted some of her professors behind her back because he did not want her on group projects with men. my advice to her is that her education is the most important thing right now. that she should focus on her upcoming senior year even if that means making it a priority over her relationship. she said she was worried she wouldn't be able to do that without angering him, he'd shown up unexpected and angry a few times to her apartment and when she had to deal with him until he had calmed down she was missing deadlines. she admitted she felt like she didn't want to be with him anymore but she was scared of what would happen if she broke up with him. he's paying for some of her school costs and she doesn't have family support. plus he wouldn't take it well, she thought, and she wouldn't feel comfortable staying in her apartment. i told her that she could stay with me, for senior year. pay me below market rent and use the savings to cover other expenses. the only thing i'd ask is that she doesn't tell nick where she is living or that she's still going to the same college, or anything like that. because i didn't want to deal with the drama of having him show up at my house with a bone to pick. she agreed and moved in as a roommate. she lost his number and locked down her social media, switched jobs and told her professors to not answer his emails, and all that. but then my mom came to visit unannounced and saw an amazon package in the driveway addressed to mia. she found out i was roommates with her now and had helped her "disappear" on nick. she was really upset with me because family comes first and nick had been spiralling after his girlfriend ghosted him with no explanation. and that it was terrible of me to help her leave him without even a breakup or explaining. i said that he was hurting her chances of finishing college and i felt like that was more important than a boyfriend. hadn't she always told me to focus on my school and career and not get sidetracked by boys? if she knew that was what was best for her own daughter couldn't she want the same for someone else's daughter? she said i was twisting her words, there is a difference between focusing on school and ending a relationship that was headed towards engagement with only a message saying to leave her alone. aita for helping my brother's girlfriend leave him quietly?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my older brother nick has always been a little troubled but a few years ago he met a girl i'll call mia who seemed to get him on the straight and narrow. i met up with mia for dinner recently to catch up. she seemed anxious and upset and after a while she opened up about how nick was getting really jealous and controlling and was jeopardizing her ability to finish college. having issues with her living in an apartment where she could be having other men over. having issues with her being in study groups and classes with mostly men in her engineering degree. he even contacted some of her professors behind her back because he did not want her on group projects with men. my advice to her is that her education is the most important thing right now. that she should focus on her upcoming senior year even if that means making it a priority over her relationship. she said she was worried she wouldn't be able to do that without angering him, he'd shown up unexpected and angry a few times to her apartment and when she had to deal with him until he had calmed down she was missing deadlines. she admitted she felt like she didn't want to be with him anymore but she was scared of what would happen if she broke up with him. he's paying for some of her school costs and she doesn't have family support. plus he wouldn't take it well, she thought, and she wouldn't feel comfortable staying in her apartment. i told her that she could stay with me, for senior year. pay me below market rent and use the savings to cover other expenses. the only thing i'd ask is that she doesn't tell nick where she is living or that she's still going to the same college, or anything like that. because i didn't want to deal with the drama of having him show up at my house with a bone to pick. she agreed and moved in as a roommate. she lost his number and locked down her social media, switched jobs and told her professors to not answer his emails, and all that. but then my mom came to visit unannounced and saw an amazon package in the driveway addressed to mia. she found out i was roommates with her now and had helped her "disappear" on nick. she was really upset with me because family comes first and nick had been spiralling after his girlfriend ghosted him with no explanation. and that it was terrible of me to help her leave him without even a breakup or explaining. i said that he was hurting her chances of finishing college and i felt like that was more important than a boyfriend. hadn't she always told me to focus on my school and career and not get sidetracked by boys? if she knew that was what was best for her own daughter couldn't she want the same for someone else's daughter? she said i was twisting her words, there is a difference between focusing on school and ending a relationship that was headed towards engagement with only a message saying to leave her alone. aita for helping my brother's girlfriend leave him quietly? [/INST] nta, but lets say what you did: *help her escape an abus!ve relationship* your brother is controlling to the point she doesn't feel safe leaving him. the ah here, apart obviously from your brother, is your mom, whose golden child can do no wrong: if she was like this every time he did something wrong growing up, it is probably the reason he is like this towards women. make sure your mom undestands how bad it is and does not tell him she is there, and if possible help the poor girl organize a plan b, in case he found ut and posed a threat to her. good job helping the girl but this is far more serious than a gelous college bf </s>

Aita for not making making my fiance dinner?

i work third shift. my fiance didnt work for 7 years due to a back injury. weve been together for 2. he finally went back to work last may. he does security work, mostly from a desk. up until 2 months ago it was 7pm to 7 am friday saturday and sunday and occassionally shifts during the week. now hes with a company that he goes from place to place as needed. he got home yesterday at 3pm and woke me up asking me to make dinner. i dont remember this and my roommates say i more or less growled at him. i do remember him waking me at 7 and 9pm asking me to make dinner. i normally dont get up until 10 to get ready for work. so i go to the kitchen to make dinner and turns out my roommate made dinner, enough for everyone. it's not common, but not unheard of either. we usually just cook for us and him and his wife cook for themselves. i was pissed off at my fiance. roommate made dinner at 6pm. it was a cheesy chicken rice dish stretched with pasta. hes a chef so it was pretty good, if a little starchy. i made myself a plate and sat down on the couch and my fiance asked "so, what are you making for dinner?" i flipped. my exact words were "there is dinner on the stove, you have legs, i am not a short order cook or your mother!" he hasn't really spoken to or even touched me since. also, times being what they are, we have other foods in the house. it just needs to be made.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/flzo65/aita_for_not_making_making_my_fiance_dinner/

2020-03-20 18:08:57

nta, wtf is his deal? and you plan to marry him? better rethink that.

nta. waking you multiple times in the middle of your night is beyond inconsiderate. i am actually stunned you were as nice as you were when you found out there was cooked food available for him. i predict this is going to get locked as a breakup thread.

nta he's a grown ass man he can cook for himself

info: is your fiance not capable of putting a frozen pizza in the oven for himself?

nta and this is a warning flag for you. clearly he sees you as his kitchen service.

nta. you're on different shifts. it is unacceptable for him to expect you to wake up and make him dinner. he is a grown man who two functioning arms and, i assume, the capability to read instructions. he can make his own food.

nta if my husband woke me up to ask me to make him a meal i’d laugh in his face. this isn’t 1950. it’s not my job to make him dinner just like it’s not his job to pay all my bills. you’re absolutely correct that you’re not your fiancé’s cook or his mother, and it’s not your job to feed this grown ass man dinner. he clearly thinks it’s your job though, so i would reevaluate if he’s really husband material. he’s a grown ass adult, if he’s not capable of making his own meals, he’s certainly not ready to get married. you say this is a one off, so it’s worth sitting him down for a serious discussion about why he thought waking you up to cook for him, when you had to work that night, was acceptable. especially when other food was available, especially when he’s an adult who knows where the kitchen is. i don’t understand what was going through his head.

nta. 🚩🚩 is he always like this? because if he is, are you sure you want to vow til death do us part to this treatment?

nta. grown man can make his own dinner

nta so for me, this would be like asking me to make food right after i went to sleep/as i was getting ready for bed, then again waking me up at 1am then again at 3am. that is something a sick child does (better be actually sick too) not a grown man. working nights does not mean you don’t deserve sleep.

NTA

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INFO

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work third shift. my fiance didnt work for 7 years due to a back injury. weve been together for 2. he finally went back to work last may. he does security work, mostly from a desk. up until 2 months ago it was 7pm to 7 am friday saturday and sunday and occassionally shifts during the week. now hes with a company that he goes from place to place as needed. he got home yesterday at 3pm and woke me up asking me to make dinner. i dont remember this and my roommates say i more or less growled at him. i do remember him waking me at 7 and 9pm asking me to make dinner. i normally dont get up until 10 to get ready for work. so i go to the kitchen to make dinner and turns out my roommate made dinner, enough for everyone. it's not common, but not unheard of either. we usually just cook for us and him and his wife cook for themselves. i was pissed off at my fiance. roommate made dinner at 6pm. it was a cheesy chicken rice dish stretched with pasta. hes a chef so it was pretty good, if a little starchy. i made myself a plate and sat down on the couch and my fiance asked "so, what are you making for dinner?" i flipped. my exact words were "there is dinner on the stove, you have legs, i am not a short order cook or your mother!" he hasn't really spoken to or even touched me since. also, times being what they are, we have other foods in the house. it just needs to be made.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i work third shift. my fiance didnt work for 7 years due to a back injury. weve been together for 2. he finally went back to work last may. he does security work, mostly from a desk. up until 2 months ago it was 7pm to 7 am friday saturday and sunday and occassionally shifts during the week. now hes with a company that he goes from place to place as needed. he got home yesterday at 3pm and woke me up asking me to make dinner. i dont remember this and my roommates say i more or less growled at him. i do remember him waking me at 7 and 9pm asking me to make dinner. i normally dont get up until 10 to get ready for work. so i go to the kitchen to make dinner and turns out my roommate made dinner, enough for everyone. it's not common, but not unheard of either. we usually just cook for us and him and his wife cook for themselves. i was pissed off at my fiance. roommate made dinner at 6pm. it was a cheesy chicken rice dish stretched with pasta. hes a chef so it was pretty good, if a little starchy. i made myself a plate and sat down on the couch and my fiance asked "so, what are you making for dinner?" i flipped. my exact words were "there is dinner on the stove, you have legs, i am not a short order cook or your mother!" he hasn't really spoken to or even touched me since. also, times being what they are, we have other foods in the house. it just needs to be made. [/INST] nta, wtf is his deal? and you plan to marry him? better rethink that. </s>

AITA for telling my (23m) gf (23f) it's not her friends' responsibility to support her small business?

my gf recently started doing vintage clothing curating as a side hustle, she started on instagram and a couple months ago was invited into a shop, so does fri-sun selling at the shop. she'll be doing it until july when the block the shop is in gets torn down to make apartments. we both work full time in the tech industry (her in sales, me in consulting). she really likes doing it and i'm really supportive of it, i go into the shop to hang out whenever i have time in the day on weekends and when she has a piece i like, i insist on buying clothes off her for the posted value (even though she tries to give it to me for free or at cost). it caused some issues in our relationship, the fact that she is booked every weekend until july and we both work 9-5 mon-fri means we haven't seen each other in the daytime in months. she spends about 35 hrs/week on the side hustle (fri-sun + time aquiring clothes) and makes between $-30 and $200 per week. since she started, she has been getting saltier and saltier about our mutual friend group not coming into the shop to buy stuff or hang out with her. whenever i talk about wanting to hang out with them after covid she just says "they're fake friends, i'm honestly over them. if they can't take time to come support my business then i can't make time to hang out with them" which is really shitty because i actually really like that friend group i started to get really frustrated with her when she started being passive aggressive to me about not coming into her shop to hang out with her enough. usually i would drop by if i had a day off to say hi and hang out for like 20 minutes, but i'm really active and outdoorsy - usually on weekends i'm skiing, climbing, surfing, hiking, snorkelling, whatever, i like to get outside and do stuff. i'm also really involved in co-curriculars at my school and have pro-bono client projects to work on on weekends. so i felt it was fair if i come in when i can to say hi, maybe i'm being unsupportive? idk. i eventually snapped one day when she had just found out she lost money on the weekend so was going on and on about how people say they support local but don't actually, how they're fake etc. i said "well it's not your friends responsibility to make sure that your business is profitable, they have no obligation to help you" or something like that. she got really quiet and hasn't been talking about her business as much anymore. i know she was mad about it, but i was just so tired of hearing her shit talk our friends when i don't think they did anything wrong. tldr: gf is mad at our mutual friend group that they don't support her small business enough, and that her small businesses isn't that profitable. i told her it's not their responsibility to make her business profitable and she was angry. i might be the asshole because she is just trying to run a side hustle and i essentially told her that only her friends are supporting it and it's not their responsibility to make it profitable.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lilhld/aita_for_telling_my_23m_gf_23f_its_not_her/

2021-02-12 21:40:41

nta. i don't think she was ready to face the harsh reality of being an entrepreneur. i cant agree with your gf when she says her friends are fake for not supporting her business. . maybe she should reevaluate what the term support means. it doesn't always have to me monetary or show a physical presence. also, i'm sure they have their reasons and it would do her well to see pass her bubble. personally, i have about 10 or so family and friends that have a "side business" and i would literally go broke if i had to support every one of them.

nta. your girlfriend is extremely selfish for wanting other people to support her lifestyle at their expense, just for her convenience. her friends have no obligation to effectively transfer money to her just to keep her inefficient and noncompetitive glorified hobby horse afloat because she doesn't want to support herself exclusively through her real job. if your 'business' can only stay afloat because of the charity of your friends, then it's not a real business. it's one thing to get a small loan from family or friends for a struggling business, but another if your business model is to rely on them and them alone, rather than real customers, for patronage. even the 'hang out with me at my shop', is a rather entitled claim on other people's time.

nta. she literally wants people to pay for the privilege of being her friend. does she pay her friends to spend time with them?

nta, also, your girlfriend sucks for literally gentrifying _thrifting._ i know it's popular these days, but ahs like your girlfriend are the reason poor people have literally zero chance to pick up something decent-looking at goodwill. i am _dead broke_ and goodwill is how i looked presentable for my job and interviews. sounds more like a shopping addiction disguised as a hustle. also, she must not be that good at "curating" if she's making that little money, or she's severely overpricing the merchandise - and why is she paying rent on space for a failing business during a pandemic? if she's determined to make money off being a gentrifier, she can move her sales online.

nta you’re totally right. maybe you didn’t need to snap but your sentiments are fair. i have a friend who started a clothing business a couple of years ago. some of her pieces are gorgeous and some are the most horrendous things i’ve ever seen. i’ve spent a fair amount of money with her business, even on some custom stuff that she messed up and i just held my tongue. i’m so sick of her saying that friends who don’t buy her pieces are “fake” and “users” i’ve seen a post on instagram that talks about supporting small business by sharing, liking and talking about the business. have your friends supported her in these non-financial ways? also, maybe they do want to hang out but don’t want to feel obligated to spend money at the shop. has she thought about reaching out to get them to hang out at night? or is she only expecting them to see her at the shop?

nta. running a business is way harder than getting your friends to buy your stuff. what she’s describing is a mlm, which is definitely not a business. she can succeed but she’s got to market, find her target audience and advertise to them. it’s a lot of hard work and why many small business never can quite make it off the ground.

nta. if her friends are capable of making or breaking her business by spending funds there, she's not doing it right. she might as well be running her own little mlm product page at that point. she's got a hobby, not a business. the sooner she realizes it, the better.

nta. anyone who has a successful business didn't become successful by relying on friends to buy things. unless you're opening something like a grocery store or another essential product, people just can't always afford to buy random things. especially random things they don't want, or can't use. she's in a niche market and needs to find a way to reach the people interested. not try and get the people she's friends with interested. i own a pet supplies store. i have 1 aunt that shops with me,and my grandparents and parents. i have a ton of family in the area with pets. i don't get pissy they don't shop with me. i don't need their sales to keep my doors open. would it be nice, yeah, but it is what it is. and i would never expect someone who doesn't have a pet to buy from me even if we were super close.

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NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf recently started doing vintage clothing curating as a side hustle, she started on instagram and a couple months ago was invited into a shop, so does fri-sun selling at the shop. she'll be doing it until july when the block the shop is in gets torn down to make apartments. we both work full time in the tech industry (her in sales, me in consulting). she really likes doing it and i'm really supportive of it, i go into the shop to hang out whenever i have time in the day on weekends and when she has a piece i like, i insist on buying clothes off her for the posted value (even though she tries to give it to me for free or at cost). it caused some issues in our relationship, the fact that she is booked every weekend until july and we both work 9-5 mon-fri means we haven't seen each other in the daytime in months. she spends about 35 hrs/week on the side hustle (fri-sun + time aquiring clothes) and makes between $-30 and $200 per week. since she started, she has been getting saltier and saltier about our mutual friend group not coming into the shop to buy stuff or hang out with her. whenever i talk about wanting to hang out with them after covid she just says "they're fake friends, i'm honestly over them. if they can't take time to come support my business then i can't make time to hang out with them" which is really shitty because i actually really like that friend group i started to get really frustrated with her when she started being passive aggressive to me about not coming into her shop to hang out with her enough. usually i would drop by if i had a day off to say hi and hang out for like 20 minutes, but i'm really active and outdoorsy - usually on weekends i'm skiing, climbing, surfing, hiking, snorkelling, whatever, i like to get outside and do stuff. i'm also really involved in co-curriculars at my school and have pro-bono client projects to work on on weekends. so i felt it was fair if i come in when i can to say hi, maybe i'm being unsupportive? idk. i eventually snapped one day when she had just found out she lost money on the weekend so was going on and on about how people say they support local but don't actually, how they're fake etc. i said "well it's not your friends responsibility to make sure that your business is profitable, they have no obligation to help you" or something like that. she got really quiet and hasn't been talking about her business as much anymore. i know she was mad about it, but i was just so tired of hearing her shit talk our friends when i don't think they did anything wrong. tldr: gf is mad at our mutual friend group that they don't support her small business enough, and that her small businesses isn't that profitable. i told her it's not their responsibility to make her business profitable and she was angry. i might be the asshole because she is just trying to run a side hustle and i essentially told her that only her friends are supporting it and it's not their responsibility to make it profitable.

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my gf recently started doing vintage clothing curating as a side hustle, she started on instagram and a couple months ago was invited into a shop, so does fri-sun selling at the shop. she'll be doing it until july when the block the shop is in gets torn down to make apartments. we both work full time in the tech industry (her in sales, me in consulting). she really likes doing it and i'm really supportive of it, i go into the shop to hang out whenever i have time in the day on weekends and when she has a piece i like, i insist on buying clothes off her for the posted value (even though she tries to give it to me for free or at cost). it caused some issues in our relationship, the fact that she is booked every weekend until july and we both work 9-5 mon-fri means we haven't seen each other in the daytime in months. she spends about 35 hrs/week on the side hustle (fri-sun + time aquiring clothes) and makes between $-30 and $200 per week. since she started, she has been getting saltier and saltier about our mutual friend group not coming into the shop to buy stuff or hang out with her. whenever i talk about wanting to hang out with them after covid she just says "they're fake friends, i'm honestly over them. if they can't take time to come support my business then i can't make time to hang out with them" which is really shitty because i actually really like that friend group i started to get really frustrated with her when she started being passive aggressive to me about not coming into her shop to hang out with her enough. usually i would drop by if i had a day off to say hi and hang out for like 20 minutes, but i'm really active and outdoorsy - usually on weekends i'm skiing, climbing, surfing, hiking, snorkelling, whatever, i like to get outside and do stuff. i'm also really involved in co-curriculars at my school and have pro-bono client projects to work on on weekends. so i felt it was fair if i come in when i can to say hi, maybe i'm being unsupportive? idk. i eventually snapped one day when she had just found out she lost money on the weekend so was going on and on about how people say they support local but don't actually, how they're fake etc. i said "well it's not your friends responsibility to make sure that your business is profitable, they have no obligation to help you" or something like that. she got really quiet and hasn't been talking about her business as much anymore. i know she was mad about it, but i was just so tired of hearing her shit talk our friends when i don't think they did anything wrong. tldr: gf is mad at our mutual friend group that they don't support her small business enough, and that her small businesses isn't that profitable. i told her it's not their responsibility to make her business profitable and she was angry. i might be the asshole because she is just trying to run a side hustle and i essentially told her that only her friends are supporting it and it's not their responsibility to make it profitable. [/INST] nta. i don't think she was ready to face the harsh reality of being an entrepreneur. i cant agree with your gf when she says her friends are fake for not supporting her business. . maybe she should reevaluate what the term support means. it doesn't always have to me monetary or show a physical presence. also, i'm sure they have their reasons and it would do her well to see pass her bubble. personally, i have about 10 or so family and friends that have a "side business" and i would literally go broke if i had to support every one of them. </s>

AITA for not letting a lady go in front of me at the checkout?

i'm new to reddit and posting here, so hopefully i'm doing this right. i didn't think i was ta in this situation, but the other lady sure seemed to think i was, so now i'm not sure if i was or not. i (40f) was doing some grocery shopping today. i have several children so it was a reasonably decent size shop (though not as big as my normal weekly shop). i had just about finished putting all my groceries on the conveyer belt when a lady (50s - 60sf) lined up behind me. i glanced at her to see how much shopping she had, because usually if someone behind me only has a couple of items i will let them go in front of me. this lady had a whole basket full so i didn't say anything and finished loading my last few items. even though she had a smaller shop than me, i didn't let her through for several reasons: 1. she would need to load her stuff on the conveyer belt (as it was more than one or two items) and my stuff was already there. her alternative would have been to hand each item individually to the cashier from her basket. 2. i was conscious of it being close to school pick up time and i had already waited in line behind someone else with a full load, so i did not want to also wait for this lady. if it had been one or two items, i wouldn't have minded, but not a basket full. obviously she had no way of knowing i was wanting to get through quickly. the reason i'm wondering if i'm ta is because when it became obvious i was not going to let her go ahead of me, she scathingly said to me, "well you can rot in hell, then." so aita for not letting her go ahead of me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ylpuv6/aita_for_not_letting_a_lady_go_in_front_of_me_at/

2022-11-04 05:29:12

nta, she will be in hell first! who cares!

nta other lady sounds entitled, tbh. but nobody deserves ro cut in line just because they have a smaller load, and nobody should expect it.

nta .... 1. she had a basket full 2. your stuff was on the belt 3. it's a courtesy not a requirement maybe she had a bad day .... or she's the ah.

not the asshole. it's not your fault that you've got a crazy lady behind you in line. it's fucked up that she said that to you. you sound like a totally reasonable person.

nta there is no rule requiring people with more groceries to let someone with fewer go first.

nta. she had a whole basket. if you let her go, surely you'd need to let the next person with less items go too? and the next and the next and the next.. where does it end? also the nerve of her! i assume she actually believes in god and hell and to condemn you to an eternity of suffering for not letting her go first with her whole basket.. christianity and its kindness strikes again.

uh yeah, easily nta. i'd have had some really choice words back for her.

nta, and the audacity of her entitlement! letting someone go ahead is a kindness, not a right.

nta. i hate when people with a few items purposefully line up behind me, even though there are other checkouts open, because they just expect me to let them go first. it happened to me today - i was halfway through unloading my cart and this woman lined up behind me and as soon as i made eye contact i could see she expected me to let her go first. she had fewer items than me but not by many. i kept unloading and she gave that put-upon sigh with an eye roll. lady, you're the one who chose this line, deal with it.

nta. she sounds unstable. there are a lot of ahs in the grocery store but you aren’t one of them.

NTA

NTA

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm new to reddit and posting here, so hopefully i'm doing this right. i didn't think i was ta in this situation, but the other lady sure seemed to think i was, so now i'm not sure if i was or not. i (40f) was doing some grocery shopping today. i have several children so it was a reasonably decent size shop (though not as big as my normal weekly shop). i had just about finished putting all my groceries on the conveyer belt when a lady (50s - 60sf) lined up behind me. i glanced at her to see how much shopping she had, because usually if someone behind me only has a couple of items i will let them go in front of me. this lady had a whole basket full so i didn't say anything and finished loading my last few items. even though she had a smaller shop than me, i didn't let her through for several reasons: 1. she would need to load her stuff on the conveyer belt (as it was more than one or two items) and my stuff was already there. her alternative would have been to hand each item individually to the cashier from her basket. 2. i was conscious of it being close to school pick up time and i had already waited in line behind someone else with a full load, so i did not want to also wait for this lady. if it had been one or two items, i wouldn't have minded, but not a basket full. obviously she had no way of knowing i was wanting to get through quickly. the reason i'm wondering if i'm ta is because when it became obvious i was not going to let her go ahead of me, she scathingly said to me, "well you can rot in hell, then." so aita for not letting her go ahead of me?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm new to reddit and posting here, so hopefully i'm doing this right. i didn't think i was ta in this situation, but the other lady sure seemed to think i was, so now i'm not sure if i was or not. i (40f) was doing some grocery shopping today. i have several children so it was a reasonably decent size shop (though not as big as my normal weekly shop). i had just about finished putting all my groceries on the conveyer belt when a lady (50s - 60sf) lined up behind me. i glanced at her to see how much shopping she had, because usually if someone behind me only has a couple of items i will let them go in front of me. this lady had a whole basket full so i didn't say anything and finished loading my last few items. even though she had a smaller shop than me, i didn't let her through for several reasons: 1. she would need to load her stuff on the conveyer belt (as it was more than one or two items) and my stuff was already there. her alternative would have been to hand each item individually to the cashier from her basket. 2. i was conscious of it being close to school pick up time and i had already waited in line behind someone else with a full load, so i did not want to also wait for this lady. if it had been one or two items, i wouldn't have minded, but not a basket full. obviously she had no way of knowing i was wanting to get through quickly. the reason i'm wondering if i'm ta is because when it became obvious i was not going to let her go ahead of me, she scathingly said to me, "well you can rot in hell, then." so aita for not letting her go ahead of me? [/INST] nta, she will be in hell first! who cares! </s>

AITA for not wanting to share my snacks with my coworker(s) anymore?

i like to bring snacks to work almost everyday to munch on in the afternoon. i usually bring some chips,cookies,popcorn, mix trail etc, basically snacks that i can eat throughout a period of time. my coworkers has noticed my habit of bringing snacks to work and would eat some,which i don't mind at first. however, it has gotten worse because i noticed that i've been spending more on my snacks,while actually eat less because they always eat their "share". now, i don't mind sharing of course but there are times when i kinda want to eat it all by myself. yesterday, i was eating my snack when a coworker started to put his hand inside my bag of chips. i was not in the mood to share so told him "you can't have any". somehow that makes him mad saying "you're so stingy", "it's just a bag of chips" etc. that makes me mad so i replied "you're the stingy one, if you like to eat so much you should bring your own". i said that because i know he and a few others never bring anything to share with and yet always eating mine. i know it sounds petty and stupid but the way he and the others telling me i was the bad one cause i don't want to share is making me so upset. so, am i the asshole?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4di4s/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_snacks_with_my/

2020-10-03 10:23:36

nta. honestly with the pandemic it isn't great for someone to be sticking their hand in a bag of chips that you are eating either way. you don't know when they last washed their hands, etc. i know that's not the point but still.

[deleted]

i had a co-worker like this once. it was so painful. instead of holding onto resentment and then snapping, probably just tell everyone, “hey guys, i’m going to stop providing snacks for everyone now as i can no longer afford it.” i’m not faulting you for snapping, because i’m like that too - i get more and more resentful and then bite someone’s head off eventually, instead of just being upfront when it is starting to bug me. but they are absolutely 100% rude in their expectations. they never even offer to buy any of the snacks one week. they’re stingy af. you’re nta.

nta. stop sharing your snacks as of now, embrace the title of mean ol' stingy, and feel perfectly fine in doing so. you're under no obligation to feed the office and those snacks cost money. don't get defensive about it and just shrug when they whine. 'not my problem if you don't bring a snack, dude. there's a convenience store right down the street.'

this might be just me, but if anyone comes to me and complains, this person is not sharing, i would ask them, and what did you bring to share? i also never like entitle people. people should never assume that the brought snacks was for sharing. nta.

nta. if your co-workers want snacks, then they should bring their own. you are not obliged to take care of their catering.

nta. tell them to get their own snacks

nta. tell your coworkers that if they each give you $5 (or some amount you deem reasonable), you will buy snacks for all and put them in a central location. if they don't contribute, cut them off.

[deleted]

nta. and ewwww!! who the hell walks up and sticks their dirty, germy hand into a bag of food that you’re eating??!!!! during a pandemic???!!!

NTA

NTA

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i like to bring snacks to work almost everyday to munch on in the afternoon. i usually bring some chips,cookies,popcorn, mix trail etc, basically snacks that i can eat throughout a period of time. my coworkers has noticed my habit of bringing snacks to work and would eat some,which i don't mind at first. however, it has gotten worse because i noticed that i've been spending more on my snacks,while actually eat less because they always eat their "share". now, i don't mind sharing of course but there are times when i kinda want to eat it all by myself. yesterday, i was eating my snack when a coworker started to put his hand inside my bag of chips. i was not in the mood to share so told him "you can't have any". somehow that makes him mad saying "you're so stingy", "it's just a bag of chips" etc. that makes me mad so i replied "you're the stingy one, if you like to eat so much you should bring your own". i said that because i know he and a few others never bring anything to share with and yet always eating mine. i know it sounds petty and stupid but the way he and the others telling me i was the bad one cause i don't want to share is making me so upset. so, am i the asshole?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i like to bring snacks to work almost everyday to munch on in the afternoon. i usually bring some chips,cookies,popcorn, mix trail etc, basically snacks that i can eat throughout a period of time. my coworkers has noticed my habit of bringing snacks to work and would eat some,which i don't mind at first. however, it has gotten worse because i noticed that i've been spending more on my snacks,while actually eat less because they always eat their "share". now, i don't mind sharing of course but there are times when i kinda want to eat it all by myself. yesterday, i was eating my snack when a coworker started to put his hand inside my bag of chips. i was not in the mood to share so told him "you can't have any". somehow that makes him mad saying "you're so stingy", "it's just a bag of chips" etc. that makes me mad so i replied "you're the stingy one, if you like to eat so much you should bring your own". i said that because i know he and a few others never bring anything to share with and yet always eating mine. i know it sounds petty and stupid but the way he and the others telling me i was the bad one cause i don't want to share is making me so upset. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. honestly with the pandemic it isn't great for someone to be sticking their hand in a bag of chips that you are eating either way. you don't know when they last washed their hands, etc. i know that's not the point but still. </s>

AITA for taking my son to a concert instead of my wife?

so me (45m) and my wife (46f) both love this small indie band that's kinda local, however due to their size they don't really have any large-ish scale concerts, however i found out they were opening for this other band, so i got us tickets, i thought worst case scenario, if we hate the main band we can just go out to dinner after the opener. i surprised my wife we the tickets and she loved the idea. we both decided to give a listen to the music if the main band to see if it was something we would stick around for or if i should reserve a table nearby. it wasn't really my kind of music and my wife flat out hated it, so i thought dinner it was. however my wife started acting weird whenever it came up, she couldn't give me a straight answer on where she wanted to eat, if she wanted to drink (so if she was i wouldn't be drinking so i could drive) until she just told me that she couldn't go since something with work had come up. part of me thought she just didn't want to go anymore, but i didn't argue and just decided i would sell the tickets. im not that good with computers and stuff so i asked my son (17m) to help me resell the tickets. he agreed, grabbed his laptop and pulled up a few sites, then he saw the tickets. he started gushing and freaking out, he loved the main band, and had no idea they were performing here. seeing how hyped he was, and since while it wasn't my thing i didn't hate the music, i asked if he wanted to go. of course he said yes. when my wife found out she was upset, apparently she wanted me to sort something else for us to do that night instead of the concert. i reminded her that she said some work thing came up, she admitted to me that she had lied because she wanted me to sell the tickets, then once i had was gonna tell me that the work thing had sorted itself out and that we should do something else that night. i told her ill plan something for us to do soon, but that i was going to the concert with our son. she started yelling at me that she never gets anything nice and she was so happy when i had decided to treat her but now im flushing it all away for him when this was supposed to be about her. there is no special date, its not our anniversary or anything so i don't understand why we cant do something another weekend. she's really mad at me and is being kinda cold to our son over this, i thought it was stupid but now im not sure, so aita?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1x6a4/aita_for_taking_my_son_to_a_concert_instead_of_my/

2022-07-18 11:40:01

nta. she is playing a weird game with you that i don't really understand. if she wanted to skip the concert and just go to a nice restaurant or something she should have been upfront with you. enjoy your concert with your son and do something with your wife another day.

nta maybe next time she won't lie to get out of doing something seeing as it bit her in the ass here. she doesn't get to be mad after she misled you too believe she was working when she wasn't. she doesn't get to be upset when she lied about it.

nta. you went by the lie she told you.

nta. i dnt get why she lied. why not just ask you to sell the damn tickets, and still plan a nice night out? it wasn’t that serious. i’d just let her be upset. she caused this unnecessary nonsense instead of just properly communicating with you. i dnt get it.

nta. sounds like you’re wife (and maybe you with her) should go to some counseling and work on learning how to better communicate. she attempted to manipulate the situation instead of just being honest with her partner about how she was feeling and she reaped the consequences.

nta. she should have been honest with you from the start. besides, you're taking your son who loves the band. it's not like you're taking some other woman.

nta. so your wife lied to you, refused to answer direct questions, and said she was busy, but now this exact day is the most important day ever for a date. you should be clear with your wife: 1. you didn't want to go to the show and would not directly answer questions about other plans. 2. you lied to me and said you were now busy that night 3. you are now upset that i have made plans for that night. 4. do you realize how ridiculous and manipulative that sounds? go to the concert with your son- what an amazing opportunity to bond! tell your wife that if she in any way ruins this for your son (like complaining), it is gonna be a real problem. then tell her when she is ready to be an adult and make plans together like a normal human, you are happy to open the calendar and pick a date.

nta, she manipulated you and lied making up an excuse for you to sell the tickets. your son was excited, you liked the opener and he liked the headliner.. win/win. next time maybe your wife can be honest instead of manipulative. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. now you have the chance to make some father/son memories.

is this representative of your usual communication? because going to all the effort of lying about having work &amp; then becoming free again instead of just saying "can we do something else this night" is a crazy choice. especially being cold to your son. is it really that infrequently that you go on dates that's made your wife react like this? nta this whole situation has been blown up unnecessarily

nta. is she always like this? lying to your spouse and playing head games like this is rather toxic. why can’t she just tell you she didn’t want to go? she sounds like a royal pain in the @$$. i assume she has redeeming qualities?

NTA

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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so me (45m) and my wife (46f) both love this small indie band that's kinda local, however due to their size they don't really have any large-ish scale concerts, however i found out they were opening for this other band, so i got us tickets, i thought worst case scenario, if we hate the main band we can just go out to dinner after the opener. i surprised my wife we the tickets and she loved the idea. we both decided to give a listen to the music if the main band to see if it was something we would stick around for or if i should reserve a table nearby. it wasn't really my kind of music and my wife flat out hated it, so i thought dinner it was. however my wife started acting weird whenever it came up, she couldn't give me a straight answer on where she wanted to eat, if she wanted to drink (so if she was i wouldn't be drinking so i could drive) until she just told me that she couldn't go since something with work had come up. part of me thought she just didn't want to go anymore, but i didn't argue and just decided i would sell the tickets. im not that good with computers and stuff so i asked my son (17m) to help me resell the tickets. he agreed, grabbed his laptop and pulled up a few sites, then he saw the tickets. he started gushing and freaking out, he loved the main band, and had no idea they were performing here. seeing how hyped he was, and since while it wasn't my thing i didn't hate the music, i asked if he wanted to go. of course he said yes. when my wife found out she was upset, apparently she wanted me to sort something else for us to do that night instead of the concert. i reminded her that she said some work thing came up, she admitted to me that she had lied because she wanted me to sell the tickets, then once i had was gonna tell me that the work thing had sorted itself out and that we should do something else that night. i told her ill plan something for us to do soon, but that i was going to the concert with our son. she started yelling at me that she never gets anything nice and she was so happy when i had decided to treat her but now im flushing it all away for him when this was supposed to be about her. there is no special date, its not our anniversary or anything so i don't understand why we cant do something another weekend. she's really mad at me and is being kinda cold to our son over this, i thought it was stupid but now im not sure, so aita?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so me (45m) and my wife (46f) both love this small indie band that's kinda local, however due to their size they don't really have any large-ish scale concerts, however i found out they were opening for this other band, so i got us tickets, i thought worst case scenario, if we hate the main band we can just go out to dinner after the opener. i surprised my wife we the tickets and she loved the idea. we both decided to give a listen to the music if the main band to see if it was something we would stick around for or if i should reserve a table nearby. it wasn't really my kind of music and my wife flat out hated it, so i thought dinner it was. however my wife started acting weird whenever it came up, she couldn't give me a straight answer on where she wanted to eat, if she wanted to drink (so if she was i wouldn't be drinking so i could drive) until she just told me that she couldn't go since something with work had come up. part of me thought she just didn't want to go anymore, but i didn't argue and just decided i would sell the tickets. im not that good with computers and stuff so i asked my son (17m) to help me resell the tickets. he agreed, grabbed his laptop and pulled up a few sites, then he saw the tickets. he started gushing and freaking out, he loved the main band, and had no idea they were performing here. seeing how hyped he was, and since while it wasn't my thing i didn't hate the music, i asked if he wanted to go. of course he said yes. when my wife found out she was upset, apparently she wanted me to sort something else for us to do that night instead of the concert. i reminded her that she said some work thing came up, she admitted to me that she had lied because she wanted me to sell the tickets, then once i had was gonna tell me that the work thing had sorted itself out and that we should do something else that night. i told her ill plan something for us to do soon, but that i was going to the concert with our son. she started yelling at me that she never gets anything nice and she was so happy when i had decided to treat her but now im flushing it all away for him when this was supposed to be about her. there is no special date, its not our anniversary or anything so i don't understand why we cant do something another weekend. she's really mad at me and is being kinda cold to our son over this, i thought it was stupid but now im not sure, so aita? [/INST] nta. she is playing a weird game with you that i don't really understand. if she wanted to skip the concert and just go to a nice restaurant or something she should have been upfront with you. enjoy your concert with your son and do something with your wife another day. </s>

AITA for not letting my brother and SIL move in?

i(34m) and my wife(36f) got married in may. we found out that she is pregnant and decided to move from our small apartment into a house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. it's enough space for the kids and for us. we also have a small house in the back that has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. my wife's plan is to have her parents live there temporarily to help with the kids. i get along great with her parents and have no issue with this. my brother and i used to be extremely close when we were teenagers. when he met sil and i met my wife, i could tell there was some tension between the two of them. most of the family dislikes sil as she is very controlling and manipulative. my wife told me that she used to attend the same high school as sil and she bullied my wife until she transferred schools. i was heartbroken hearing the news and promised my wife that i would not put her in any uncomfortable situations. my brother and i's relationship slowly dropped and now we hardly speak to one another. my parents are heartbroken that brother and i are not close. my mother called to let me know that brother and sil's house was getting repaired and needed a place to stay for 5-7 months. i let my wife know what was going on and she still felt strongly about not being around sil. i told my mother that brother and sil could not move in. my father reached out and tried to convince me to re-consider. i stood my ground and told him no. brother did reach out through social media wanting to talk and rebuilding a relationship. i haven't responded back to my brother and do not plan on it. other family members are posting on social media calling me a horrible brother for not helping family. &amp;#x200b; aita for not letting my brother and sil move in?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pt89d2/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_and_sil_move_in/

2021-09-22 14:06:09

nta. even if you all got along great, having extra people living with you while you’re settling into a new house and *your wife is pregnant* sounds incredibly stressful. just because you have the physical space doesn’t mean you have the emotional space. add into the mix that you aren’t close and your wife *actively does not like* your sil, you would be ta to your wife if you moved them in. why don’t your parents take them in?

nta- your own family doesn't like the woman who bullied your wife. remind them of this. btw- you and your brother can have a relationship of your own without your wives. it's kinda normal

nta. if you love your wife, you shouldn’t be putting her into a justifiably uncomfortable situation for a half year.

nta, no should force your wife to be uncomfortable in her own home. the family wants you to do this so they don't have to put up with sil for that long time. your brother only seems to want to repair the relationship when he needs something nit before. also good on op for not only putting wife first but for also asking wife's opinion on family matters and taking her opinion in as well as your own (it's very rare to see that on reddit)

this is a hill to die on! you should not be forced to accommodate a bully with a well developed track record. if you give in now, sil will walk over you and your family forever. hell no! tell your family members, who are spouting nonsense, to take them in themselves or stfu!

nah. look, if you want a relationship with just your brother then do that. who says your wives have to get along too. make the effort to hang with him and if he can’t do that then make diatance.

nta. you are not obligated to take anyone in, especially since your brother’s and sil’s situation is not an emergency. in addition, you are completely correct not to expose your wife to someone who put her through hell when she was younger. as someone who was the target of bullies all through school, i can completely understand her position. besides, it seems like sil hasn’t changed that much, since she is still manipulative, which is reason enough not to let her stay with you, even without her history with your wife.

nta .. it would only open a new can of worms !!! your wife doesn't need that kind of stress while pregnant, plus 5 to 7 months your in laws will need to be there by then. your parents can invite them to stay with them .

nta. it's horrible that your family wants to dump this on you. your family knows sil is difficult, and it almost sounds like they're trying to guilt you so they don't have to deal with it. besides, having so many people living around an infant at this time is just unsafe. has anyone in your family considered that?

nta. this is an especially vulnerable time for your wife since she's pregnant. exposing her to her previous bully will cause major fluctuations in her emotions which is good for nobody and is dangerous. letting them move in is a no-no but personally i think it's a pity if you and your brother stops talking entirely since you had a close relationship previously. perhaps reaching out to him personally and explaining (only if you want to) would be good for both of you? i understand you say you don't want to even though he reached out, and it's fully up to you. ultimately it's the most important to let your family feel safe.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NAH

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(34m) and my wife(36f) got married in may. we found out that she is pregnant and decided to move from our small apartment into a house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. it's enough space for the kids and for us. we also have a small house in the back that has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. my wife's plan is to have her parents live there temporarily to help with the kids. i get along great with her parents and have no issue with this. my brother and i used to be extremely close when we were teenagers. when he met sil and i met my wife, i could tell there was some tension between the two of them. most of the family dislikes sil as she is very controlling and manipulative. my wife told me that she used to attend the same high school as sil and she bullied my wife until she transferred schools. i was heartbroken hearing the news and promised my wife that i would not put her in any uncomfortable situations. my brother and i's relationship slowly dropped and now we hardly speak to one another. my parents are heartbroken that brother and i are not close. my mother called to let me know that brother and sil's house was getting repaired and needed a place to stay for 5-7 months. i let my wife know what was going on and she still felt strongly about not being around sil. i told my mother that brother and sil could not move in. my father reached out and tried to convince me to re-consider. i stood my ground and told him no. brother did reach out through social media wanting to talk and rebuilding a relationship. i haven't responded back to my brother and do not plan on it. other family members are posting on social media calling me a horrible brother for not helping family. &amp;#x200b; aita for not letting my brother and sil move in?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i(34m) and my wife(36f) got married in may. we found out that she is pregnant and decided to move from our small apartment into a house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. it's enough space for the kids and for us. we also have a small house in the back that has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. my wife's plan is to have her parents live there temporarily to help with the kids. i get along great with her parents and have no issue with this. my brother and i used to be extremely close when we were teenagers. when he met sil and i met my wife, i could tell there was some tension between the two of them. most of the family dislikes sil as she is very controlling and manipulative. my wife told me that she used to attend the same high school as sil and she bullied my wife until she transferred schools. i was heartbroken hearing the news and promised my wife that i would not put her in any uncomfortable situations. my brother and i's relationship slowly dropped and now we hardly speak to one another. my parents are heartbroken that brother and i are not close. my mother called to let me know that brother and sil's house was getting repaired and needed a place to stay for 5-7 months. i let my wife know what was going on and she still felt strongly about not being around sil. i told my mother that brother and sil could not move in. my father reached out and tried to convince me to re-consider. i stood my ground and told him no. brother did reach out through social media wanting to talk and rebuilding a relationship. i haven't responded back to my brother and do not plan on it. other family members are posting on social media calling me a horrible brother for not helping family. &amp;#x200b; aita for not letting my brother and sil move in? [/INST] nta. even if you all got along great, having extra people living with you while you’re settling into a new house and *your wife is pregnant* sounds incredibly stressful. just because you have the physical space doesn’t mean you have the emotional space. add into the mix that you aren’t close and your wife *actively does not like* your sil, you would be ta to your wife if you moved them in. why don’t your parents take them in? </s>

AITA for wanting my sisters in law to stop

am i the asshole for wanting the entertainment at my wedding cut short. backstory. i am getting married tomorrow to my amazing fiancé who i love. we planned this wedding pretty quickly but it finally seemed like it was all coming together. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs planning this wedding because we have very different views on a lot of things like i wanted a smaller wedding as it’s just our civil ceremony and then have a bigger party for a religious one in a different country and i just wanted a small one simple one here. or somehow it snowballed out of control and now we have way more people than we thought because my fiancé‘s family is huge and he can’t say no to people especially if they’re helping him out monetarily. well into this it’s two days before my wedding and the tents are finally being set up as it’s a backyard wedding. somehow someone drives through the tents ripping one in half and now there’s not another tent to replace it to go along with what i had planned so of course i was upset and then i found out that my sisters in law planned a surprise. mind you i am not a huge person who likes to be surprised especially not on my wedding which i have planned diligently on all the details. so they finally tell us that the surprise was four hours of entertainment from a mexican group there is no way in the aesthetic that i wanted this wedding. i asked for formal attire for this wedding because i wanted to be dressed up and now we’re supposed to have entertainment from a group with dressing and cowboy hats and jeans and other cowboy things that i know we wanted to have at my wedding. but apparently now to my parents and his sisters i am being a jerk and not being grateful to them for what they’re giving me when i in no way asked for them to do this. and mind you that i had an entire plan for music because i like a lot of different music in spanish as well as in english and i have friends that i wanna dance english music with this for hours now cuts into all of it. we already have a dj and now this group is going to take over that dj time which i would prefer over the group. so am i the asshole for wanting to get them to completely get rid of them or to always cut it down to half the time so i could get time to dance with my friends and the dj?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqiz4b/aita_for_wanting_my_sisters_in_law_to_stop/

2021-09-18 08:58:04

nta. this is your special day, and decisions about large details such as venue, food, and music lie between you and your future husband, not your family. although i'm sure it was done in good faith, it was in poor taste for them to bring in the obligation of this having this group play, especially when you already made prior arrangements for music. good luck on your special day!

first, nta. second, take a breath. how about this: thank your sister’s-in-law. yeah, i know you don’t want to but do it anyway. and you can do it like this, “thank you, i appreciate you want to join in our celebration. i have a dj coming that has already been paid to come for the night. but the dj will need a break, so thank you for having entrainment for 30 minutes. that is so thoughtful” get the name of the group and call them. you tell them you are the bride and you will let them perform. you tell them what time they can be there and they have 30 minutes and no more. doesn’t matter that the sil’s have paid for either because you paid for a dj. think of it like this, when a celebrity is paid to surprise the bride and sings at a wedding they sing a few songs. like elton john did at prince harry and megan’s wedding. but it wasn’t a show or concert because that isn’t what the event was about. it was about celebrating a couple not commandeering it. i’m sorry about the tents. i know that upset you. here’s the deal, i don’t care what anyone says no wedding is perfect. so focus on what’s really important- you and your hubs starting your life together. as far as his sister’s are concerned- when you tell them thank you and talk about this group coming what you are really saying to them is “thank you for showing me how you will try and be the center of attention at any event for the rest of my life” girl, you’ve dealt with selfish and mean girls before. you got this! congratulations to you and i hope you have a wonderful day because that is totally up to you.

they did not plan this as a "surprise for you", they planned this because it's the music they want to replace the entertainment you wanted. nta a wedding surprise is planning a fun dance or a toast, not hijacking the night's entertainment.

4 hours???? damn… nta, that’s too much. i wouldn’t even cut to half (still 2h), i would say 30min max! i was born in venezuela but i live in europe. i married a portuguese guy. we had latinos and portuguese at our wedding. my dj had music for all tastes and it was pretty good. i wouldn’t “force” my english guests to listen to 4 hours of mexican music. a 30min surprise would make latinos happy and entertain the english cause it’s fun music and different.

nta again nta that is not a surprise it’s high jacking your wedding. she is basically trying to throw a completely different party in the middle of your wedding! you do not surprise someone with anything at their wedding. it’s just that simple.

nta this is you and your fiancé’s wedding. its planned in detail for a reason. its only a nice present if she had booked your fave singer or band to sing 2-3 songs. what she is doing is gatecrashing your wedding and stomping all over it without permission. ignore your parents - some people waste their life being polite than sticking up from themselves even at the expense of their own happiness. be strong now or live in regret for life and it sucks.

info: where is your fiance in all of this, and what does he want at his wedding?

nta - find out who the group is, call and cancel that’s absolutely ridiculous they are trying to hijack your wedding.

damn nta. 4 hours, and who gives a surprise entertainment show during a wedding as a present. weird.

nta- wow, i'd be so stressed i don't think i'd attend my own wedding if someone did this. that surprise isn't for you, it's for them.

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

NTA

INFO

NTA

NTA

NTA

Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: am i the asshole for wanting the entertainment at my wedding cut short. backstory. i am getting married tomorrow to my amazing fiancé who i love. we planned this wedding pretty quickly but it finally seemed like it was all coming together. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs planning this wedding because we have very different views on a lot of things like i wanted a smaller wedding as it’s just our civil ceremony and then have a bigger party for a religious one in a different country and i just wanted a small one simple one here. or somehow it snowballed out of control and now we have way more people than we thought because my fiancé‘s family is huge and he can’t say no to people especially if they’re helping him out monetarily. well into this it’s two days before my wedding and the tents are finally being set up as it’s a backyard wedding. somehow someone drives through the tents ripping one in half and now there’s not another tent to replace it to go along with what i had planned so of course i was upset and then i found out that my sisters in law planned a surprise. mind you i am not a huge person who likes to be surprised especially not on my wedding which i have planned diligently on all the details. so they finally tell us that the surprise was four hours of entertainment from a mexican group there is no way in the aesthetic that i wanted this wedding. i asked for formal attire for this wedding because i wanted to be dressed up and now we’re supposed to have entertainment from a group with dressing and cowboy hats and jeans and other cowboy things that i know we wanted to have at my wedding. but apparently now to my parents and his sisters i am being a jerk and not being grateful to them for what they’re giving me when i in no way asked for them to do this. and mind you that i had an entire plan for music because i like a lot of different music in spanish as well as in english and i have friends that i wanna dance english music with this for hours now cuts into all of it. we already have a dj and now this group is going to take over that dj time which i would prefer over the group. so am i the asshole for wanting to get them to completely get rid of them or to always cut it down to half the time so i could get time to dance with my friends and the dj?

<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> am i the asshole for wanting the entertainment at my wedding cut short. backstory. i am getting married tomorrow to my amazing fiancé who i love. we planned this wedding pretty quickly but it finally seemed like it was all coming together. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs planning this wedding because we have very different views on a lot of things like i wanted a smaller wedding as it’s just our civil ceremony and then have a bigger party for a religious one in a different country and i just wanted a small one simple one here. or somehow it snowballed out of control and now we have way more people than we thought because my fiancé‘s family is huge and he can’t say no to people especially if they’re helping him out monetarily. well into this it’s two days before my wedding and the tents are finally being set up as it’s a backyard wedding. somehow someone drives through the tents ripping one in half and now there’s not another tent to replace it to go along with what i had planned so of course i was upset and then i found out that my sisters in law planned a surprise. mind you i am not a huge person who likes to be surprised especially not on my wedding which i have planned diligently on all the details. so they finally tell us that the surprise was four hours of entertainment from a mexican group there is no way in the aesthetic that i wanted this wedding. i asked for formal attire for this wedding because i wanted to be dressed up and now we’re supposed to have entertainment from a group with dressing and cowboy hats and jeans and other cowboy things that i know we wanted to have at my wedding. but apparently now to my parents and his sisters i am being a jerk and not being grateful to them for what they’re giving me when i in no way asked for them to do this. and mind you that i had an entire plan for music because i like a lot of different music in spanish as well as in english and i have friends that i wanna dance english music with this for hours now cuts into all of it. we already have a dj and now this group is going to take over that dj time which i would prefer over the group. so am i the asshole for wanting to get them to completely get rid of them or to always cut it down to half the time so i could get time to dance with my friends and the dj? [/INST] nta. this is your special day, and decisions about large details such as venue, food, and music lie between you and your future husband, not your family. although i'm sure it was done in good faith, it was in poor taste for them to bring in the obligation of this having this group play, especially when you already made prior arrangements for music. good luck on your special day! </s>